#i’m jumping on that motherfucker like the dude in court

[pagesupinflames]

asher as a double bass player. with the. fingers. fiiiinnngggeerrrrs. vibrato. please.

[vanosslirious]

BBS Dialogue Prompts #95

BBS Dialogue Prompts & Sentence Starter: [7]

VANOSSGAMING

Hello! Can you hear me?

It's okay, we're fine.

This is a hazard.

Why is everyone screaming?

Get the book, it's on the table.

Get ready to go in the room.

It's like waking up from a nap on the floor. Scary.

Pick up, you stupid bitch.

You getting scared is scaring me.

Why did you tell him?

Let's learn something in school.

Can you grade my essay?

Why that one, why the one so far?

That's why we're all crazy.

Don't touch me, bitch.

That's a nice leather coat she's wearing.

Everything okay?

It's just a walkie-talkie.

Damn dude, look at that.

What, is that what it says?

WILDCAT

He doesn't have to stay neutral in fifteen minutes.

How do I leave?

Get the fuck away from here, alright.

You have any milk?

They see us, get the fuck out of here.

We might need to get the fuck out of here.

Sounds like you both made five hundred bucks.

Get me that fucking eye!

Get your gun out of my face, I can't see!

I'll take one for the team.

DAITHI DE NOGLA

Sounds like you're doing good.

I definitely have it this time.

I swear I saw that son of a bitch jump out of the plane.

You're getting me shot.

This is his cry for help.

Let me tell you my side of the story.

Who did it?

You guys are the stupidest motherfuckers I ever met.

We should definitely push him.

You're going to feel tension, possibly sexual tension in the court house.

BASICALLYIDOWRK

I mean, I wouldn't know.

You're not sitting on the roof while all your team is dying below you.

No man left behind.

There's two on the roof.

Where the fuck did he go?

Guard the base.

Are you guys ready to go out there?

I see you fucker!

I'm going up, fuck these kids, they're about to fucking die.

Are you guys ready?

FOURZER0SEVEN

That's what I said last time!

That was terrifying.

This mod is amazing.

Should I go kill him?

Wait, what the fuck?

This is so dumb.

You cheating little rat bitch!

This is fucking ridiculous.

I gained two levels from just standing here.

There you go, smoke him out.

TERRORISER

I think I'm more realistic.

They respected it too much.

Follow me, brothers.

Dude, what happened?

I found something, friends.

I'm sorry, man.

Get the money!

I'm with you, you fuck.

You can't hit me.

They're not looking.

SMII7Y

Now I think we're dead.

I'll say, it's pretty impressive.

Like Shakespeare, that doesn't make any sense.

I can continue my work.

I don't write the rules.

If it was me, then who are you?

Thank you for giving me your location, idiot.

Can we name our teams?

That sounds like a type of ice-cream.

I need to go back to my job.

[is0gild]

Ice Cream and Fire Oven Pizza - Bonus Chapter 5

Pairing: Elsa x Lea/Axel || Side Pairing: Riku x OC

Summary: Modern AU. She's an introvert ball of nerves who works at Ice Palace, a mall food court ice cream shop. He's the outgoing, sassy goofball who works at the Pizza Planet across the way. Hilarity, snark, and fluffy romcom hijinks ensue.

Word Count: 13,151

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

Credit for super friggin’ cute and super friggin’ amazing cover art goes to the super friggin’ talented ky-jane here on tumblr!

"Come on, Lea, unlock the door," I coaxed gently as I tugged on the car handle a couple times, even though I knew the action would be in vain. "Don't you think it's possible that you're being just a smidge childish?"

"What else is new?" Saïx deadpanned from where he leaned with one hip propped against the hood of his car and boredly scrolled through his phone, not even bothering to look up.

Lea's only response was to glower, razz his tongue and flip his brother the bird before huffily crossing his arms and slouching even further down into the driver's seat.

A testament to what a pillar of maturity he was being at the moment.

Sighing, I bent forward slightly so I could better see him through the window glass. "Need I remind you that you agreed to this?"

"I was tricked!" he harrumphed back, his voice muffled from the other side of the closed door.

My head tipped to one side. "Alright… how exactly were you tricked?"

His head turned to meet my gaze as he drooped his eyelids. "You had a cookie."

I blinked. "...and?"

"And I wanted the cookie."

"...so…?" I prompted again as my brow furrowed.

"So now the cookie's gone, I've changed my mind and wanna go home! Now get on board or get stranded cuz either way, I'm leaving." He jammed the key into the ignition, twisted hard and… nothing. Lea's eyes widened briefly before narrowing as he turned it again. And yet again.

"Did you forget my car requires the key and the code to start the engine, oh brainless one?" Saïx said flatly, eyes still trained on his phone screen.

That's right. Saïx's vehicle had a friggin' keypad built into the center console that required a seven-digit code. And it was a BMW no less. One did really have to wonder what his mystery job was that allowed him to afford such luxuries.

Lea growled, banging his palms against the steering wheel. "God fucking damnit, Saïx! This is exactly why ya shoulda told me the stupid password ages ago!"

He cocked an eyebrow at that. "So you could lock me out of my own automobile and drive away with it? As compelling an argument as that may be, I'm not exactly swayed."

"As compelling an argument as that may be, I'm not exactly swayed," Lea parroted back in a mockingly nasal tone before mashing his hand down hard on the car horn, blasting it and startling Saïx into jumping away from the vehicle and nearly dropping his phone. He shot Lea a dirty look, who simply replied by flashing him a half sneer, half smirk - a "smeerk," if you will.

"Well," I hastily interjected, trying to keep the peace as I once more peered inside Lea's impromptu little sanctuary on four wheels, "since I think we can all agree that it looks like you're stuck here for the time being, perhaps now you'll want to come out? Maybe even go inside the house with us?"

"Mm-mm. Nope. Not going anywhere near that dump," he hitched his chin with a derisive sniff. "My happy ass is gonna stay put right here, thank you very much."

My lips pursed to one side. "...okay… for how long?"

"Forever."

I fixed him with a dull stare. "Forever? Really?"

"Forever," he repeated, his voice firm. But then with a thoughtful frown, he amended, "...or until ya tell me you won't make me go inside. Whichever comes first."

I exchanged a brief look with Saïx. Then we both nodded as we came to an unspoken agreement together. My gaze settled on Lea once more, "Alright. I won't make you go inside."

He squinted at me, eyes suspicious as they darted over to his brother, then back. "You swear?"

"Cross my heart," I used a finger to draw an X over my chest.

Still, he looked unconvinced. A pause, then he rolled down the window a crack, just enough to poke his little finger out as he insisted, "Pinkie promise?"

My lips flapped as I blew out an incredulous little huff, but I hooked my pinkie with his. "I promise I won't make you go inside."

"Well, alright then!" his face immediately brightened and he unlocked the door. I took a step back as it swung open wide and he stepped out, reaching his hands skyward for a whole-body stretch with a satisfied sigh. "Whew! Feels good to be outta that car after all that time on the road, huh? My ass was starting to go numb from all that sitting and- shit motherfuck!"

The last part came out in a hiss when Saïx rushed him and Lea dodged just in the nick of time. "Betrayal! J'accuse!" Lea snapped as he dove for the still open car door, but stumbled just short of it thanks to Saïx catching his ankle in both hands. Not one to go out without a fight, Lea desperately latched one hand to the steering wheel and the other to the door frame, trying with all his might to pull himself back inside the vehicle while Saïx threw his entire body weight into dragging him out of it. Muscles straining, Lea snarled through grit teeth, "You promised!"

"She did. I made no such promise," Saïx replied matter-of-factly. He didn't even seem to be breaking a sweat.

"Don't think you'll get off on a goddamn technicality!" Lea grunted, gaining another inch into the car interior. He attempted a futile kick towards Saïx's face, "Leggo!"

Gnawing on my thumbnail, I now just watched as these two grown ass men basically played tug-of-war… with Lea's leg. And… shoot, it looked like Lea was winning. I had to do something, but what?

He suddenly shot me a tiny glare over his shoulder, "I expect this kinda bullshit from him, but not from y-"

I lunged towards him, grabbed his face with both hands, and pressed my lips firmly to his.

He lost his grip and came flying out of the car, crashing into Saïx who staggered but managed to stay upright. "That's cheating!" Lea huffed indignantly as he tried to scramble back inside the car again, but Saïx got him in a headlock first. He fought to pry himself free and when that proved unsuccessful, his hand suddenly produced the car keys once more, almost seemingly out of thin air. Threateningly tapping the tip of one key to the car's paint job, he spat, "Unhand me, villain, or the Beemer gets it!"

Saïx made a grab for the keys which gave Lea the opening he needed to elbow him in the gut and break free. But Saïx was quick to recover and snagged Lea again before he could get back inside the safety of the BMW. A struggle ensued, one that resulted in Saïx getting Lea in a grapple hold from behind by hooking his arms up under his armpits, back over his shoulders and interlocking his fingers together at the nape of Lea's neck.

Huffing and puffing and subdued for the moment, Lea grumbled a long string of curses under his breath as his brother hauled him around the car and across the front lawn towards the house - a rather nice suburban home, I might add, despite Lea's earlier comment about it being a dump. There was even a rather expensive looking car in the driveway, some sort of convertible that was sleek and black with a plate that read Insomnia RHS-113.

I took a quick glance inside Saïx's car to make sure we hadn't forgotten anything and noticed Saïx's had left behind the bag he'd brought with him. Grabbing it, I closed the driver's door and as I hurried to catch up, I could hear Saïx lecturing, "I did not ruin my sleep schedule and drive for half a day to get us all here just for you to chicken out at the last second and hole up in the car. You're going inside. Deal with it."

Lea turned his head to one side with a tiny scoff, but had no other retort. As we stepped onto the porch, his eyes landed on me. "You! Can't believe ya used your feminine wiles on me for evil. Of all the cheap, dirty, underhanded - dude," that last one had been directed at Saïx, who still had him grappled, "ya mind? You won already, jackass! I'm not going anywhere, jeez!"

Saïx hesitated for a few seconds, his face pinching before finally letting him go. "Thank you," Lea ground out in a tone that was the very antithesis of gratitude as he rolled his shoulders and popped his neck. Then he focused on me once more as Saïx retrieved his bag from me, "Now, where was I...? That's right! Of all the low, crooked, sneaky-"

"I'm sorry," I grimaced as I fidgeted with my braid. "...are you mad at me?"

"You kiddin'? Hell no, I'm proud of ya! Slowly but surely, I'm corrupting you to the ways of the dark side, El! 'Sides, who could get pissed at this adorable widdle face," he cooed, pinching my cheeks and smooching my forehead.

Then he tried to bolt.

It seemed he was hoping the element of surprise would be on his side.

"Gack!"

Unfortunately for him, it was not.

For that'd been the sound of him choking as Saïx snatched him by the scruff of the shirt , causing its collar to dig into his throat. He stumbled to an immediate stop and Saïx let go, folding his arms together and fixing him with an unamused look. Lea just rubbed at the fresh sore spot around his neck and laughed sheepishly. "Uh… wouldja believe I just forgot something in the car?"

Saïx drooped his eyelids. "No."

"Heh. Was worth a shot."

"It really wasn't," Saïx harrumphed as his hands smoothed his hair and swiped the wrinkles out of his clothes from their little kerfuffle. Then, without further ado or preamble, he pressed the doorbell.

A hush fell over us as we all waited. Lea glanced back over his shoulder, furtively side-eyeing the car. Saïx smacked the back of his head with a sharp thwack! "Ow! What the fuck was that for?" Lea snarled, socking him in the arm.

He didn't even flinch, just kept staring hard at the door as he muttered, "Don't even think about it."

"Wha- me? Think? Psh, I would never!"

"Finally… something we can both agree on."

Lea curled his lip with a soft tch, but otherwise fell quiet again… unnaturally quiet. At least for Lea anyway. He looked agitated now, with his eyes downcast and his lips set into a grim line, his posture very rigid and his whole body very still. I frowned and slipped my hand inside his, gently squeezing as I laced our fingers together. He looked over at me, eyes softening and smiling weakly as his grip tightened around mine and stayed that way.

That's when the front door opened.

Lea looked at the new face that greeted us now. "Hey…" he began, then paused, seeming to struggle with the next word. He closed his eyes, inhaled deeply before exhaling, then finally forced out a soft, "...Mom."

You read that right.

Mom.

Lea had finally done it. At long last, he'd caved and agreed to see her. And trust me, he really had consented to this reunion, despite what his little tantrum a minute ago might look like to the contrary. Was it weird that I was here too for this? I thought maybe it was, at least a little bit. I mean, somehow I just felt like the first time I met his mother shouldn't also be the first time he was seeing her again in twenty years. Maybe that was just me though. In any case, Lea had kept saying how much he'd wanted me with him for moral support. Somewhat more surprisingly, Saïx had been pretty insistent about me joining them as well. Perhaps he thought my presence might keep Lea more docile and civil towards their mother.

If so, I got the feeling Saïx was about to be in for a rude awakening.

The woman who stood in the doorway before us now was pretty, her silver hair pulled back into a ponytail with long bangs that framed her face and the same vibrant green eyes as Lea and Saïx. She would've had to have been young when she had given birth to these two. Oh gosh, I might even go so far as to guess that she'd still been a teenager when she had Saïx.

Her eyes widened at the sight of Lea and she blinked a couple times. But then a slow half-grin tugged at her lips as she crossed her arms and lazily leaned one shoulder against the door frame. "Well, look who finally decided to give me the time of day."

"Yeah, yeah," he grumbled, averting his gaze with a tiny scowl as he rubbed his shoulder with his free hand, "let's not make a huge fuss outta it."

"Course not, wouldn't dream of it. I-" she cut herself off, looking past him towards the afternoon horizon, bringing up a hand to shade her eyes with. "...wouldja look at that? Why, I do believe that's a pig flying."

"That's it, I'm leaving."

With a snort, she snagged him by the elbow before he could get very far. "Now now, no need for the ruffled feathers, I was just jerking your chain. Now stop camping out on my porch and c'mon, get in here!" It seemed it was not a request for with that, she yanked him inside, forcing me to stumble and follow since our hands were still linked.

"When you mentioned you might be bringing friends with you, Saïx, you never said anything about one of 'em being Axel," the woman good-naturedly accused him as he stepped in behind us, clicking the door shut before accepting a hug from her. From this angle, I could see her ponytail was composed of several smaller, segmented ponytails.

My boyfriend narrowed his eyes at her, "Not Axel. It's Lea now."

Releasing Saïx, she cocked her head at Lea and then hummed a laugh. "Right. Saïx told me something about that. Gotta be one of the cool kids and go by your middle name, huh, Lea?" her fingers bounced in air quotes around the name.

"It's not about being cool, it's- ugh, nevermind," Lea grumbled before shooting his brother a little death glare and muttering, "She didn't even know I was coming?"

"Didn't want to get her hopes up," he replied in his usual cool monotone.

Whatever comeback he might've had to that was swallowed in a grunt as he next suffered (quite visibly, in fact) a hug from her. He did not return the embrace. She didn't seem to mind or even notice. "C'mere, let me have look at you," his mother suddenly demanded as she pulled back and Lea's face scrunched up in displeasure as she grabbed it, tugging him down for closer inspection. After a few seconds of scrutiny, she smirked and declared, "Pretty Boy, mm! Both you and Saïx. You have me to thank for those good genes. And you're both so tall too! Dunno where that comes from, cuz you certainly didn't get it from me. You boys must be eating your Wheaties."

Now that she mentioned it, she was pretty short. About my height, in fact, maybe an inch or two taller. It was hard to be sure exactly in those heels she was wearing. But that did raise an interesting point now…

...how did such big men come from such a tiny woman?

The logistics of it had my mind boggling!

"And who's this cute lil thing?" she was now turning her gaze on me. Then to where my hand was still intertwined with Lea's and her eyes crinkled slyly. "Oh-ho, I see. This is the girlfriend."

I smiled shyly back before shooting Lea a quick, awkward glance. He stepped in to introduce me, "Mom, this is Elsa."

Still feeling rather out of place here, I sucked in a tiny, anxious breath before getting out, "It's so nice to meet you, Mrs-"

"God no, please, none of that 'Mrs' crap," she said dryly before grinning once more. "First name's fine, shortcake. Just call me Aranea. Alright, you're up."

...up? Up for what exac-

I squeaked as I too was suddenly assaulted with a hug. Just as abruptly, she was leaning back just enough to squint her eyes at me and tilt her head.

Ah. I see. My turn to be assessed and appraised like a piece of meat.

Well, I certainly hoped I passed inspection!

After a few tense seconds, one corner of her lips quirked up. "You two are gonna make absolutely gorgeous babies. So when are you gonna get on popping out my grandkids? Wait, don't tell me… there's already a bun in the oven."

"Mom!" Lea snapped, my face erupting into flames as he lunged to get between me and her.

There was most certainly not a bun in the oven! There wasn't so much as… as… as dough! The oven wasn't even, uh... preheating! No, trust me, my "oven" was one hundred and ten percent bunless, thank you very much!

Aranea snorted, "Calm down, was only having a lil fun. Just trying to make up for all those years of motherly teasing I missed out on."

A soft hmph from his throat. "Yeah? Well, who's fault was that?"

Her eyes widened slightly and a heavy silence descended over the cozy foyer we were all currently gathered in. Saïx directed a muted scowl at his brother. It went ignored, Lea idly inspecting his nails now and not looking the least bit sorry.

This visit? Off to a great start. Simply superb.

"Aranea?" a clipped, British accent suddenly came echoing from somewhere else in the house, thankfully shattering the long, uncomfortable lull. "Who was that at the-?" the owner of the voice emerged through one of the archways and the words died on his tongue as his eyes alighted on all of us. He had short, dirty blonde hair that was spiked up and intelligent, green eyes that were sharp behind his sleek, black-rimmed glasses. "Oh. I see you've begun the pleasantries without me. Saïx, my boy," he smiled, extending his hand, "a pleasure as always. Might I inquire as to who your comrades are?"

"The prodigal son returns home at last," Aranea wryly chimed in before Saïx could. "Iggy, it's about time you've met my second eldest knucklehead of a kid Axel and his-"

"Lea, Mom. Lea. Get it memorized!"

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Lea," the man cordially stretched a hand out to him now.

He didn't take it. "It's something, alright…" he arched an unimpressed eyebrow, "...Iggy, was it?"

He gave a curt if a bit sheepish chuckle at that. "Ignis, if you would. And who is this lovely companion of yours?"

A beat.

Then I gasped, "Oh!"

It's me.

I'm the lovely companion.

Self-consciously clearing my throat, I supplied, "E-Elsa." I did take his hand when offered, blurting out, "And I'll have you know I'm completely and totally bunless."

...thank you, mouth, for that entirely unnecessary addition to the conversation.

His brow furrowed as he took his hand back. "Well... allow me to see what I can do about that."

Uh…

...was he propositioning me?

"Perhaps I can whip up a few rolls to go with dinner," he suggested, tapping his knuckles to his chin.

Oh.

He meant bun buns. Not-

Ahem. Nevermind.

"So," Lea spoke up once more, folding his arms beneath his chest as he fixed the man with a hard stare. "You're the orthodontist."

"Optometrist, actually," Ignis corrected. "By the by, when was your last eye exam? If you'd like, I could squeeze you in for a quick checkup sometime, free of charge."

A small, contemptuous huff escaped his nostrils as his eyelids drooped. "Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you?"

Ignis gave a bemused frown at that, but was saved from having to respond as Aranea inserted herself back into the conversation with, "Iggy, is that…?" She trailed off and the second Ignis glanced away from us to look at her instead, Saïx discreetly elbowed Lea, forcing a tiny oof out of him. Aranea grinned as she took in what Ignis was wearing, "It is. You old softie, you put on the apron I got you."

"I cut quite the dashing figure in it if I do say so myself," he gave a pleased little sniff as he stood a bit straighter and absently fiddled with the neck strap of said apron which had the words Gordon Ramsay is my bitch proudly emblazoned across its breast. That, plus the fact that I was just now noticing that he was carrying a meat mallet in one hand, suggested he'd most likely just come from the kitchen.

"Mm, I'll say," she nodded as she continued to eye him up and down appreciatively. But then her gaze landed on the meat mallet - more specifically, on the little gooey red flecks clinging to it. "Hey, did you start tenderizing the steaks without me? Told you I'd help with that."

"I'm loath to make a lady bloody her own hands," he murmured with a tiny smile, wrapping his fingers around hers and bringing them up to his lips.

Lea made a low noise deep in his throat that was half scoff, half gag. That earned him a firm shoulder check from Saïx while he walked past Lea to step closer to his mother and Ignis. As Saïx engaged the two of them in some polite small talk, Lea's expression twisted sourly and he started muttering something under his breath too quiet for me to make out. Seeing as how the others were preoccupied with their own conversation at the moment, I took the opportunity to once more take his hand in mine and ask gently, "Something you want to get off your chest?"

"Hm?" he distractedly hummed, still with a slight glower as his gaze remained fastened to the other three for a few seconds more. But then he snapped out of it and huffed out a sigh, fingers agitatedly ruffling at his hair. "Aw, nothing. I just don't trust it."

I tipped my head to the right. "Don't trust what?"

"Him," he hissed through his teeth, gesturing with his chin towards Ignis. "The whole fucking posh, namby-pamby Brit orthodontist act. Nice try, pal. Not buying it."

I shook my head with a snort, "He's an optometrist, Lea."

"Exactly! The jerk can't even get his story straight," he harrumphed. "Betcha he doesn't even know the first thing about corrective lenses."

"The man wears glasses," I deadpanned.

"All part o' the cover. Mark my word, that slimy sneak can't be trusted." As if sensing Lea's gaze on him once more, Ignis glanced up with a courteous smile and nod in our direction. "Yeah, keep smirking, you smug bespectacled bastard. I'm onto you," Lea mumbled low enough that only I could hear him, but pointed two fingers at his eyes before redirecting those digits at Ignis, who just blinked before returning his focus to Saïx and whatever it was he was talking about.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, groaning, "You're ridiculous."

Lea looked at me now, banishing the dark look and grinning softly. "Heh… maybe…" Giving my hand a quick squeeze, he then pulled me towards him and brought my arms up to hug his neck before slipping his own arms around my waist. Nuzzling his nose lightly to mine, he conspiratorially whispered, "Let's bail."

My head rocked back at that. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me. This is a bust, El, so let's blow this popsicle stand. Slip out the door while their backs are still turned. Lookit what I still got," he removed one hand from my hip, shoving it down into his pocket before producing the car keys with a little jangle.

Only mildly surprised that his brother hadn't managed to recover those in their scuffle out front, I rolled my eyes, "Aren't you forgetting something?"

"What, ya mean Saïx? Eh, ditch him. Loser can hitchhike his dumb ass home."

I gave him a dull stare. "Still forgetting something else."

His lips pursed to one side as one eye squinted. Then it clicked. "Shit, you're right. Still don't have Saïx's code to start the car engine. Damn, guess that leaves us high and dry. Unless of course, you happen to know the code," he chuckled with a shake of his head.

Biting down on my lower lip, I averted my gaze.

"Wait… do you?" his eyes narrowed suspiciously at me. I wrinkled my nose and still kept my mouth shut. "You do! Crap, why didn't ya say so earlier?"

I gave a noncommittal shrug, still avoiding eye contact. "You never asked."

"Oh, for the love of… why would he trust you with the code and not me, his own brother of all people?"

Now I met his gaze once more, raising one eyebrow. "...maybe because he knows I'd never use it to steal his car while we're hundreds of miles away from home?"

He gave me a flat look. "...okay, just because it's true, doesn't make that any less of a low blow."

"Moonglow pear, you say?" Ignis's voice suddenly picked up, drawing our attention back over to him. It seemed Saïx had just gifted him with that small bag he'd been carrying, which one could reasonably assume was filled with the aforementioned fruit. Ignis had pulled one out and was turning it over in his hand for a closer look. "Yes, I've heard of these and have been meaning to try them." He studied it for a few seconds more, then his eyes lit up and he snapped his fingers, "That's it! I've come up with a new recipe!" With that, he bustled back out through the hallway he'd come in through.

Smiling fondly after him, Aranea then glanced towards the rest of us once more and gestured towards a different corridor. "Why don't we continue this somewhere more comfortable like the living room, hm?" She turned to lead the way and Saïx did not hesitate to follow. I cocked my head at Lea in silent question and his face scrunched up in distaste, but then with a grumbling sigh, he released my waist, took my hand and we trailed after them as well.

The living room was big and filled with a homey, tidy clutter. The far wall had a giant sliding glass door that led out onto a wooden deck that overlooked a reasonably well-kept backyard. A massive entertainment unit took up another wall, housing a big screen TV amongst the ordered chaos that filled the rest of its shelves. Across from it were a few armchairs and one long, very comfy looking couch. Said couch was currently occupied.

The two boys looked to be teenagers - highschoolers, by my guess. Neither of them glanced up as we entered the room, just continued to concentrate on their phones as their thumbs tapped and swiped at their screens. The blonde one with freckles was sitting upside down with his knees hooked over the sofa's backrest and seemed extra focused, licking one corner of his lips while his brow furrowed. The other guy with the black tousled hair, black shirt, black jacket, black everything had taken up the rest of the couch by sprawling across it, propping his feet up on the armrest. He was a lot more apathetic as he stared at his own phone screen, even though his thumbs continued to be a blur of activity. Maybe he was just in "the zone."

"Look alive and make room on the sofa, boys. We got company," Aranea told them, coming to a stop next to the coffee table and planting one fist on her hip as she eyed them both.

They neither budged nor took their eyes off their smartphones. The blonde one did however chime in with, "Bah, it's just Saïx. Saïx's not company."

Her eyes narrowed with a flat, "Wanna run that by me again, Prom?"

"Lemme finish! He's not company cuz he's family. Yes!" he whooped the last part with a tiny fist pump as something good had apparently just happened in his phone game. Already, his thumbs were back on the move across his screen as he tacked on, "And family means never having to give up primo sofa real estate."

"Aw, what a sweet, half-hearted attempt at sentiment," Aranea cooed with a bat of her lashes before scoffing. "Nice try, bucko, now scoot."

With a grunt, he flipped over to sit on the couch properly and shifted closer to his armrest to make room, all while still staying fixated on his game - rather the impressive feat, I might add. The other boy however remained exactly where he was. "That goes for you too, Noct," she patted a hand to his shoes.

"In a minute," he mumbled, eyes narrowing slightly on his smartphone now as his thumbs started tapping more furiously.

"Not in a minute, now," she insisted sternly. Still he didn't move so much as an inch, not even bothering to reply this time. Aranea rolled her eyes, "Look, I know you fancy yourself a prince round here and like to lounge about like that couch is your throne and this house is your castle with everything the light touches in it your kingdom. But if you're the prince, that makes me the queen, so what I say goes. That means move your princely ass!" With that, she unceremoniously shoved his feet off the armrest.

"Hey!" he scrambled not to fall off the couch altogether, catching himself and sitting up next to Prom. Gritting his teeth as he looked at his phone again, he then puffed out a sigh of relief, "Whew, still got the Devil of the Cygillan on the line." And just like that, he was sucked back into it.

"Ah, the mortal struggle between man and virtual fish," Prom sniggered, gaze still trained on his own phone.

Aranea scrunched up her nose, "You two playing that silly game again? What's it called… King's Kite?"

"King's Knight," Prom corrected, tongue once again poking out of the corner of his mouth as his thumb mashed at the screen now. "And we were, but then Noct decided to be lame and play his dumb fishing game instead."

"Ugh, lazing about like a couple of couch potatoes all day, doing nothing but staring at your phones for hours on end…" she grumbled, folding her arms together and shaking her head. "This is why neither of you boys have gotten laid yet."

I'll say this for Aranea... she seemed to have a rather, hrm… unique approach to parenting.

Prom frowned, "'Scuse you, I've just been scoping out my prospects, thank you very much."

"More like stalking," Noct snorted, squeezing one eye shut as he rapidly drew circles on his screen with a fingertip.

"Hey now, what Cindy and I have is beautiful and I won't have you cheapening it by making it sound crude and perverted," he shot back with a small hmph.

Aranea quirked an eyebrow. "...and Cindy would be?"

"My Goddess of the Gears," Prom sighed dreamily. Eyes still glued to his game, mind you.

Eyelids drooping, Noct clarified, "She works over at the Hammerhead Fuel and Garage."

Giving the ceiling a thoughtful squint for a few seconds, Aranea then blinked a couple times. "Wait, you talking about the blonde knockout? Oh, Prom, she's gotta be at least a whole second grader older than you and way more woman than you could ever handle."

"Pretty sure she has a thing for Uncle Gladio too," Noct smirked.

Making an indignant noise in his throat, Prom scowled and freed up one of his hands to wave in front of Noct's phone, blocking line of sight to the screen as he spat out, "You shut your whore mouth!"

"Shit, Prom, language!" Aranea snapped. As Noct used an elbow to knock Prom's hand away so he could salvage his game, Aranea puffed out an annoyed breath and turned to face us once more. "Sorry about them. These would be the rugrats… your lil brothers, Ax- Lea," she hastily corrected herself before jerking her thumb over her shoulder towards one, then the other. "Noctis. Prompto."

Right… I remember Lea mentioning something about his mother and her two-point-five kids. Did that mean that there was still another o-

TWHUMP!

The sound of a large throw pillow suddenly smacking Noctis in the face.

Courtesy of a little girl with brown eyes and short, dark hair who'd suddenly popped up out of hiding from behind the sofa armrest. She proceeded to shriek with laughter as she dashed off and made her getaway down a hallway, her cackling echoing off into the distance before a door slammed shut somewhere in the house.

Huh. Guess that'd make her the point-five.

Wide-eyed and clenching his teeth, Noctis snatched up his phone from where he'd dropped it on the carpet after the vicious assault and frantically swiped the screen a few times. Then he glowered, slamming a fist down onto a couch cushion. "My line snapped and he got away. Dammit, Iris, I'm gonna kill you!" he snarled, jumping to his feet and ready to charge after her.

"Hold it!" Aranea ordered and he froze before he could even take a single step. "You leave your sister alone and sit your butt back down, mister."

"But she-"

"Ah-ah!" she waggled a stern finger at him, then pointed down in a silent but firm command.

Growling, he threw himself into his seat once more, slumping down low and crossing his arms. "You all baby her too much, especially Uncle Gladio! She's such a brat!"

"Takes one to know one, eh Noct?" Prompto chuckled. Noctis shoved his shoulder hard and he shoved back before they both settled down and became engrossed in their phones again.

"Well?" Aranea prompted them, planting both fists on her hips now, which I took to indicate she really meant business. "It's not every day you meet your other long lost half-brother. Aren't you two gonna put away the phones long enough to at least say hello to Lea and his lil girlfriend, Elsa?" No response. Her right eye twitched. "Seriously, boys, turn off the phones and stick 'em down your pockets before I stick 'em up somewhere else."

Noctis was the first to comply, tucking his phone away with a tiny eye roll before tossing a hand up in a lazy wave towards us. "Hey. Nice to meet you."

Prompto on the other hand kept his phone out, merely taking a split second to shoot us a quick glance before focusing on the mobile device again with a, "He-" The word however got swallowed in a splutter as he did a double take at me, then hopped up to his feet so fast the phone went flying out of his hands. He fumbled to catch it and hastily pocketed it before stepping closer to me with a big grin and sheepish laugh, "He-he-hello there!" He cleared his throat and smoothed his hair, then continued more confidently, "What's shakin', Miss Breathtakin'? Name's Prompto, perhaps you've heard of me? I'm kinda legendary with the ladies around here." Insert wink and finger guns.

I just stared at him blankly.

What…

...was even happening right now?

A wry snerk from Noctis. "Yeah, legendary for being a totally tongue-tied bonehead around them."

"Shush, man, be cool," Prompto hissed back over his shoulder at his brother. "Just cuz you're already tied down, doesn't mean you hafta always ruin it for the rest of us!"

"Tied d-" Noctis began to echo before cutting himself off with a huff and a tiny glare. "Luna and I are just friends!"

"Who ever said anything about Luna? You're the one who brought her up," he singsonged back with a bounce of his eyebrows.

Snorting, Aranea moved to take a seat in the chair next to the far end of the sofa as she added, "You two lil lovebirds have been practically engaged since you were in diapers."

Prompto declared triumphantly, "Exactly! So zip it, Noct! Now where was I…? Ah, yes." He turned back to me, reaching for my hand to plant a kiss to the back of it with a debonair, "Enchanté."

A groan escaped Aranea as she facepalmed. "Prom, stop hitting on your brother's girlfriend."

"I don't see no ring, which means all's fair in love and-" the words abruptly died on his tongue as he looked past me and his eyes grew round, his face paled, and he gulped. Curious as to what had caused such a reaction, I glanced back myself to discover Lea looming behind me with the darkest look I'd ever seen to grace his face aimed directly at Prompto. "Uh, heh… L-Lea, w-was it? N-Nice to m-make your acquaintance," he squeaked out before darting back to his spot on the couch and using Noctis for protective cover.

Hiding a grin behind her hand, Aranea gestured towards the freshly freed up seating, "You all gonna keep standing in the hallway? Go on, take a seat already."

Lea continued to give Prompto the evil eye as he and I settled into the now empty half of the sofa with me next to Noctis. Saïx took the armchair to Lea's right and with that, a hush descended over the room.

...a very drawn out, very awkward hush.

Now don't get me wrong, I am no stranger when it comes to uncomfortable family gatherings. My parents and I were on very, very tentative speaking terms again and I'd recently been to a handful of uneasy dinners with them where silence had reigned supreme around the dining table. Of course, even before I'd ran out on my own wedding, back when I was still their perfect daughter that always did as she was told, even then the Fryse household wouldn't exactly have been considered warm, friendly and inviting. It was just the way my family had always been - cold and distant.

But this home felt different. Here, the quiet felt unnatural and wrong. This seemed like a place that was normally filled with chatter and laughter, making its absence now very unsettling. Especially with Lea in the room, who practically considered silence his arch nemesis and always felt the need to fill the void with his ramblings. In fact, until this very moment, I'd thought him physically incapable of keeping his mouth shut whenever there was a gap in conversation in desperate need of small talk. And yet there he sat now, slouched in the couch cushions, elbow on armrest and head propped up against his knuckles, lips clenched firmly shut and his pinched expression making it abundantly clear he would rather be anywhere but here right now.

I glanced past him and made eye contact with Saïx. He merely frowned, flicked his gaze meaningfully towards Lea before looking back at me again.

Saïx wasn't going to be the one to speak up first. Afterall, he'd already long ago patched things up with his mother and was on speaking terms with her again. Now it was Lea's turn. However, Lea needed to at least make some small effort on his part.

But I'm not sure exactly what Saïx expected me to do about that.

I hesitated, gnawing on my bottom lip for a few heartbeats. Then I lowered my gaze to where Lea's hand rested atop the cushion between the two of us. Slowly, I covered it with my own and he turned his head to look at me.

Alright, so… I've always heard about couples who are really close developing sort of this, I don't know… relationship telepathy after they've been together long enough, to the point where a single glance between the two of them can communicate an entire conversation. Time to see if that theory held any water.

I took a deep breath, squared my shoulders and fixed him with a determined, steady stare.

Talk to your mother. You hear me? Do it. Do it now.

He watched me blankly for a few seconds. Then one side of his mouth lifted and he gave me a tiny nod.

I blinked.

...did it work?

Had he actually received my otherworldly message?

His hand shifted to instead be the one on top of mine, giving it a gentle squeeze as the other reached over to graze my cheek with his thumb and tuck my bangs behind my ear while he bent to press a kiss to my forehead.

Gah, no, you sweet but oblivious dope!

What, did he think the situation was stressing me out and I'd been seeking comfort?

...which, to be fair, was not an unreasonable assessment.

Puffing out a tiny, irked breath through my nose, I firmly locked gazes with him once more and jerked my head towards Aranea a couple times.

Talk.

To.

Her.

Dork.

More blank staring from Lea. But then it finally seemed to click, at least if the way his face twisted into a petulant grimace could be taken as any sort of clue. I responded by narrowing my eyes at him. He relented with a low sigh and at long last shattered the quiet with a, "So… Mom…" he paused, frowning as he rubbed at the nape of his neck and struggled to come up with something to say. "...how do you… keep yourself busy these days?"

A growling huff erupted from Saïx as he directed a dull look towards Lea. "You should know. I've told you before."

"And I wasn't listening," Lea shot back through his teeth, brutally blunt and not seeming to care. He toned it back a bit however as his eyes settled on his mother once more. "So what… ya do the whole suburban housewife, minivan driving, pep rallies and bakesales running, soccer mom thing now?"

Prompto burst out laughing at that. "This is our mom we're talking about here, right? Please, you know how she is."

Lea glared daggers at him and he blanched, ducking down to hide behind Noctis once again. Looking away, Lea mumbled under his breath, "Oh yeah… know her super well."

"I'm a process server," Aranea piped up and all eyes turned to her. "Ya know… those people who'll find you on the street, hand you legal papers and go, 'You've been served!' I'm pretty damn good at it too. I take care of all the tough cases, you know the type… those squirrelly, shifty-eyed motherfuckers who bolt at the first whiff of trouble, thinking they can outrun me." She smirked now, "Hehe… love it when they try to run."

"Mom's earned a bit of a reputation," Noctis added with a tiny grin. "People call her the Commodore."

Aranea chuckled at that with a smug, "Stop, you'll make me blush."

"Huh," was all Lea said at first, pursing his lips to one side. Don't think he quite knew what to do with this information. "...sounds… fulfilling."

And with that, a crushing silence stifled the room once more.

Okay, so… that'd worked well.

Sort of…

I mean, it'd worked okay.

At the very least, it'd worked.

They'd talked!

...for a grand total of two seconds… but still, that was something, right?

Oh who was I kidding, this was a total trainwreck.

So then… now what?

Luckily, I was saved from having to figure that out by Ignis stepping into the living room just then, dusting his hands together as he announced, "That ought to do it for the moment! Now to let those steaks au poivre cook for a bit. Saïx!" The man in question glanced up at the mention of his name and Ignis went on, "If memory serves, I seem to recall you taking a rather keen interest in observing the night sky. Well, I'm a bit of dabbler myself and have recently acquired a new gadget to fiddle with. A telescope - the Ultros StarSeeker Reflector. It's in my study, would you like to come have a look at it for yourself?"

"The mark VI?" Saïx asked, already rising from his chair.

"The mark VII," he corrected with a smile. "150 millimeter. It's supposed to be the latest. Makes the moon seem so close, you'll think yourself to be standing on it. Boys," he now addressed Noctis and Prompto, "why don't you join us?"

"Already seen it. Pass," Noctis muttered, distracted by his phone once more.

Ignis cleared his throat, smile widening. "I must insist."

Prompto groaned, "Dad, can't we do it later? It's not even dark out."

"Alas, science waits for no man, nor do I. Elsa," his gaze landed on me now, "might I interest you in accompanying us as well?"

It was then that it dawned on me that Ignis was probably trying to give his wife some time alone with her (until as of twenty minutes ago) estranged son. Even as I opened my mouth to reply however, I felt Lea's grip tightening slightly around my hand. I hesitated.

I don't think he wanted me to leave.

Maybe I should have anyway. Maybe just a smidge of tough love was in order. Maybe it would have been for his own good.

However…

"I think I'm good, thank you," I politely declined.

With a small bow of his head, Ignis said, "Very well. Come along, boys!"

Heaving a heavy sigh, Noctis stood up and moved towards him. Prompto sprung up with a chipper, "Just a sec! I wanna snap a picture of this!" He darted past the two of us still seated on the couch, snagging Noctis by the elbow and Saïx by his sleeve and yanking them back over towards Lea. Then he fished out his phone before slinging one arm around Noctis and Saïx, forcing them to huddle in close and hunch down as he crouched to throw his other arm around Lea's shoulders. Awkwardly maneuvering his phone and pointing its camera at the four of them all squished together, he laughed, "Group shot of the four bros from different Joes but all from the same ho! Say cheese!"

As the flash went off, Aranea leaned forward in her armchair, her tone dangerously sweet as she asked, "All from the same what, Prom?"

"Aw, Ma, c'mon, you know I don't mean it! It was just for the sake of the rhyme!" he brushed off as he released Saïx and Noctis, freeing up that hand to tap at his screen and double check that the photo came out well. "Lea, dude, you so did not say cheese. I mean, look at th-" he glanced towards Lea (who he still had his arm around, mind you) and choked mid-word at the withering look he was giving him. Hastily snatching his arm back and jumping away, he turned to the others. "L-Let's go look at stars n' shit! Hell yeah constellations!" Then he all but blurred out of there with Ignis, Saïx and Noctis following behind him at a more relaxed pace.

"Seriously do not like that kid," Lea grumbled low as he scowled after him before looking back at me. More specifically, at my tiny grin I was rubbing my curled fingers over. He cocked an eyebrow, "...what?"

"Oh nothing," I whispered back with a shake of my head, trying to school my expression and failing. "It's just… well, he reminds me a little of you, is all."

He stiffened, looking outright offended. "You gotta be joking. That punk? We're nothing alike."

Said one upbeat, flirty goofball about the other.

My grin twitched wider as I merely shrugged, "If you say so."

Our brief exchange had me almost forgetting it wasn't just the two of us in here. Now as I glanced over towards Aranea, I gave her a timid smile. She smiled back, shifted in her seat and crossed her legs, but said nothing. Lea continued to avoid meeting her eyes, frowning off into space as his knee restlessly jiggled up and down while he held my hand in his lap, his fingers idly fidgeting with mine.

The quiet stretched.

I had to wonder if maybe I should have left with the others. If I weren't here this very second, would they be talking now? Could it have really made a difference? Honestly, I don't think it would have. Lea had already tried to start a conversation once. Sure, it'd been a rather feeble, halfhearted attempt at that, but still the effort had been made. And now he was done. He had no interest in doing it again and seemed perfectly content to go on stewing in silence. As for Aranea, I may have known her for less than an hour now, but even in such a short amount of time I could tell she was not someone who was particularly shy about speaking her mind. If she had something she wanted to say to Lea, I very much doubted my presence would have stopped her in the slightest.

I think the two of them were just… stuck.

In some sort of limbo with zero clue of how to proceed or handle this situation.

...should I try relationship telepathy again?

No, judging by the stubborn set to his jaw, it seemed highly unlikely at this point that any amount of mental nudging or prodding would push Lea into being the first one to speak up.

...but maybe a different target would be slightly more receptive to some subtle psychic persuasion?

I slowly turned my gaze on Aranea once more. With a tiny inhale and exhale, I hitched my chin and squinted.

Here goes nothing.

Speak to your son. Say something. Anything. Just talk.

A brief pause, then I winced.

Uh… please?

Musn't forget manners when trying to pierce the cosmic veil to telepathically coerce your boyfriend's mother!

That is, er… if it's not too much trouble, ma'am?

Gah, what if she thought being called ma'am was insulting?!

N-not ma'am! You're not a ma'am! I meant Aranea- no, too overly familiar… um… Mom? Dear god, no! Commodore? Yes, Commodore!

I almost saluted her for good measure, but thankfully caught myself before I did. That would have been silly!

...as if me attempting to psychically communicate with the woman weren't already silly enough.

Lea was right. I really was a friggin' kook.

Ah well, in for a penny, in for a pound.

Please, just… talk to him, okay? Talk to-

"So, Elsa…"

No, not me! Him! Him! For the love of… what, were our metaphysical wires getting crossed? Ignore me, talk to-

Ugh, forget it, I give up.

Consider my brief and not at all glorious career as a mystical telepath officially over.

She grinned at me as she continued, "...are you still a college student?"

"Oh!" I sat up a little straighter. "No… er, I mean, yes. I mean… rather, I've graduated. But… it wasn't for me. My major, that is. So I went back, and… and now it's a much better fit." A beat. Then I gasped, "Acting! That's my new… that's what I'm doing now! What I, ah… what I went back to college for," I breathed out an awkward little laugh.

Wondering why was I suddenly so nervous?

Oh I don't know… could it be that it was just now really sinking in that this was officially my "Meet The Parents" visit? I was in no way prepared for this! I mean come on, she was supposed to be focusing on Lea, not me! Crud, I just hoped I was making a halfway decent impression so far.

"You wanna be an actor, huh? Get into showbiz?" she nodded encouragingly.

Oh, we were still talking about me? We weren't done?

Fudge.

"Maybe… I think so…" No wait, that wasn't quite right. Lifting my chin and steeling my gaze, I said more firmly, "Yes. It's… something I'm actually quite passionate about. Both singing and acting. It's a childhood dream I hope that perhaps I might one day turn into a reality."

Her eyes crinkled and she nodded again. "Been in any productions?"

"Two. Well… rather, one and a half I suppose… I'm in rehearsals for my second show. It's only community theater mind you, I'm still learning," I tacked on shyly.

It occurred to me that maybe this was her way of reaching out to Lea. I mean, a common tactic for connecting with someone was talking about something they liked. And seeing as how I was his girlfriend, it stood to reason that Lea liked me. So maybe, in a way… talking to me was her trying to score points with Lea?

Gaining a bit of confidence, I went on, "We're putting on Rocky Horror Picture Show, what with Halloween coming up and all. I got the part of Columbia, which is a supporting role but still very exciting!"

"Oooo, Rocky Horror you say? The one with all the tight leather, fishnet stockings, and lacey corsets?" Her eyes shifted slyly over to Lea as she shot him a wink, "Betcha you're a big fan of your girlfriend starring in that."

Lea's face twisted in disgust, "Ugh, Mom, don't be gross about it."

For the record, he was a big fan of it.

A really, really big fan.

She chuckled at his obvious discomfort before her eyes suddenly lit up as a thought seemed to strike her. "Speakin' of Halloween… be right back," she smirked, quickly standing up and disappearing down one of the hallways.

"Quick, now's our chance, let's make a break for it!" Lea leapt up to his feet, but I used the hold I still had on his hand to yank him back down into the cushions next to me. He drooped his eyelids at me. I drooped mine right back. With a huff, he slumped further down into the sofa and straight up sulked.

It wasn't long before Aranea returned, now with a pair of stacked cardboard boxes weighing down her arms. She deposited them onto the coffee table with a heavy thud, blowing off some dust before turning them so we could see there was something written in sharpie on their sides. Aranea shifted the top one branded SAÏX off and settled it down next to the other box that had AXEL scrawled across it. Lea's glower darkened as he spotted that particular label.

Flipping the lid off that one, Aranea began rooting around inside. "Hm, lessee here… blankie?" she muttered, mostly to herself it seemed as she then shook her head and shifted more things around in the box. "No… binkie? No…"

"What are you doing?" Lea asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at her.

"What's it look like I'm doing? Going through a few odds and ends I kept from when you were a tyke," she grinned at him before pulling something out and holding it up. "D'aww look… baby's first arson!" In her hands was the charred and blackened remains of some sort of stuffed animal. She cocked her head slightly as she scrutinized the thing, "Think it used to be a rabbit… or maybe a piglet?"

"Tiger!" Lea snapped as he snatched the thing out of her grip. "He was a tiger and his name was-" he suddenly stopped, glaring at the mutilated little plushie for a second. Then he chucked it back into the box, grumbling, "Doesn't matter."

I however reached in to pick it back up for a closer look at it myself, brow furrowing as I turned the roasted to a crisp little feline over in my hands. "...what did you do to this thing?"

"Happened when he was four. Just happily tromped the doll over to the burning fireplace and tossed it in before I even realized what the lil snot was up to," Aranea chuckled wistfully before returning to digging around in the box. Next she was lifting out what looked to be a clay mold of a child's handprints as she snerked, "Can you imagine him ever being this small? Crazy." Then she was frowning at it, lightly scratching a finger at one blackened corner of the plaque as she arched an eyebrow. "Huh. Looks like you scorched this a bit too."

Shrugging, she set it aside before taking another look into the box, her face brightening. "Ah, and here we have Lea's masterpiece collection." She stuck her hands back inside it, this time retrieving a handful of crude drawings on slightly crumpled papers. To me, she said, "Ya know, he was quite the lil arteest! Coulda been the next Picasso if he'd just…" she trailed off, distracted now as something caught her eye on the top drawing. She squinted, "...is that a tree that's on fire?" Flipping to the next sheet, she blinked. Then the next. Then the next. "Yeesh, kiddo, you really had a thing for fire when you were a tot. Maybe I shoulda been more worried." Then she brushed it off with a bat of her hand, "Bah, you turned out fine!"

Rummaging around in the box a bit more, she gave a victorious, "Ah-ha!" before pulling out a thick stack of photos. She took a second to shuffle through a few of them before showing us one, "First day of kindergarten." I took it from her, seeing as Lea showed zero interest in accepting it himself. I couldn't help a small smile as I looked at it. He really had been an adorable child, almost ridiculously so. "Second birthday." I glanced up at her words to see her holding out another photo, which I gladly took as well.

She thumbed through a couple more photos before, "Oh, here we go." Plucking one from the bunch, her fingers gave it a satisfied flick before turning it towards us with a half-grin. "The whole reason I remembered to dig up this box just now: Halloween photos! Didn't he just make the cutest lil ninja assassin?"

He really did.

"Mom," Lea abruptly spoke up, his tone low and even and… something else that made the hairs on the back of my neck suddenly stand on edge. "...why do you have all this stuff?"

"Hm?" she hummed absently, already back to flipping through the photos.

There was a pause, then he quietly rephrased, "When did you have time to grab it?"

"Oh, I just-" she cut herself off, posture suddenly snapping straight as she grimaced slightly. Her eyes darted to Lea then quickly looked away. Putting the photos down on the coffee table, she cleared her throat and began again, "I took it all with me when…" Another pause, another frown. "...when I…"

"When you abandoned Saïx and me," he finished for her, the edge to his voice unmistakable now. "So… instead of taking me with you when you flew the coop… you took a box."

Uh oh.

"Lea, that's not…" she began, then stopped, lips pressing into a grim line and face pinching as she stared down at her lap for a second. Then she lifted her gaze once more, opened her mouth to speak but clicked it shut again with a tiny growl in her throat, clearly frustrated with herself for being unable to think of the right thing to say.

Her son on the other hand seemed to be having absolutely zero trouble finding his own words, still with a deadly calm to them. "So... what? After dumping Saïx and me like yesterday's garbage, you took the boxes just so you could put on a show that you ever gave a shit about us?"

She gave him a sharp look, her eyes flashing dangerously. "That isn't fair, I-"

"Fair?!" he was on his feet in the blink of an eye, his hands balling into fists at his sides. Nostrils flaring, his voice began to rise now, "No, what wasn't fair was you deciding you didn't want your goddamn kids anymore and leaving them behind to go off and start your new stupid, perfect life and your new stupid, perfect family filled with perfect little snot-nosed brats given to you by your fucking perfect orthodontist!"

Optometrist. Not orthodontist.

Should I correct him?

I decided against it.

(Rather wisely too, if I do say so myself.)

Standing up as well now, Aranea tried to argue, "It wasn't like that! I-"

"Then please! By all means, tell me what it was like!" he snarled back. Two fingers jabbed at his temple, "I'd simply freaking love to know how you rationalized this all away in that screwed up head of yours so you could sleep at night in your comfy, cushy tempur-fucking-pedic king-sized bed while Saïx and I got chewed up and spat out by the hellhole that is the foster system! Tell me, how the fuck is what you did to us okay?!"

"It wasn't okay! Shit, of course it wasn't and I'd never try to tell you that it was!" she yelled, her breathing heavy now as she lifted her chin slightly. "But… you have to understand, it was… I was still young and-"

Lea barked a cold laugh at that. "Young? Seriously? That's your go-to defense? You wanna talk young, Saïx was eight. For fuck's sake, I was six." He shook his head, sneering, "But no, you're right. You were young, so let's just forget it and continue sitting around getting all bogus nostalgic over a buncha meaningless crap in a box while pretending everything's fine and dandy and like you didn't royally fuck over our whole goddamn lives twenty years ago."

Shoulders tensing, Aranea shot back, "Damn it, if you'd just let me talk-"

"You had your chance to talk!" he shouted over her. "You've been talking nonstop since I walked through the front door and it's all been nothing but bullshit and rubbing my nose in your happy, cozy, picture-fucking-perfect lifestyle!"

"That's not- I never meant to-" she blew out an exasperated huff, pinching the bridge of her nose as she took a second to compose herself. Then, more softly if a bit strained, "Look, obviously I'm no good at this. But I'm trying here."

"Yeah? Well not hard enough," he ground out through his teeth. He took several deep breaths, hands clenching and unclenching repeatedly. When he at last spoke again, his voice was now hushed and thick with unshed tears, "Were you ever even sorry for what you did? Did you ever even have any regrets at all?"

Her eyes widened as her head rocked back. "Of course I had regrets-"

"No, you had a box! Just a dumb box!" he smacked said box off the coffee table, sending it crashing to the floor and spilling its contents across the rug. With that, he stormed over to the sliding glass door, throwing it open and stomping out onto the backyard deck.

As he slammed it shut again behind him, the sharp noise jolted a breath out of me that I hadn't realized I'd been holding. It was only then that I noticed how loud the pounding of my heart was in my ears, how tense my muscles were or how tightly my fingers were clutching at the skirt of my dress. Forcing myself to relax a bit, I released my grip and anxiously brushed out the wrinkles in the fabric as my gaze drifted towards Lea once more.

I could see him out there now, hands angrily ruffling at his hair as he paced back and forth. Honestly, his blow up probably shouldn't have come as any sort of shock. This was something that he'd been carrying with him for years now, an anger that had been building inside for two decades and in desperate need of release. It probably really hadn't even been a question of if he would explode, but when.

A loud scoff drew my attention over to Aranea who was also watching Lea, a little scowl twisting her features. Squaring her shoulders, she started marching over towards the sliding glass door grumbling, "Oh-ho, if you think this is over, you got another thing coming, you lil-"

"Wait," a new voice calmly commanded, freezing her in her tracks. I glanced towards where it'd come from to discover Saïx in the threshold to the hallway, frowning and arms crossed with one shoulder leaned against the inside of the arch. I wondered how long he'd been standing there unnoticed, how much of the fight he'd witnessed. Probably most of it. Pushing himself away from the wall and walking towards her, he reasoned, "You'll probably only set him off again. Allow me. Perhaps I can get him to cool down a bit first before coming back inside to continue your discussion more rationally."

Aranea's face scrunched up at the idea of having to back down for the moment but then she sighed heavily and stepped aside, letting Saïx pass. Soon he was outside with his brother, the door gliding quietly shut in his wake. Aranea stood there for a few seconds more, eyes narrowing as she watched them through the glass before turning away with a tiny hmph. "That knucklehead has more Reno in him than he'll ever know," she muttered sourly under her breath. Then she looked at me. "...excuse me, I… I need a minute." She stalked towards one of the other doors, pausing long enough to add over her shoulder, "Sorry… that you had to see that…"

"No, that's, uh… don't mention it," I said awkwardly, my voice small.

With a curt nod, she made her exit.

Peering outside once more, it unfortunately appeared like Saïx wasn't making any headway in pacifying Lea. Though the closed door muffled it, Lea was quite visibly yelling again as he gestured furiously back at the house. Saïx looked remarkably unruffled as he withstood the tirade and every now and again, I would see his lips move whenever he got a chance to squeeze in a few words, face expressionless as he did so. But if he'd intended for whatever he was saying to be soothing, it seemed to only be having the opposite effect as Lea kept bursting out into more impassioned rants. Though it was hard to tell, there was a slight twitch to Saïx's eye now that hinted at him getting more irked with each new outburst.

Finally, Lea just hotly tossed his hands up and turned his back on Saïx, kicking at the wooden railing of the deck. It seemed Saïx had had enough himself for he too turned away, pushing the glass door aside so he could come back in. As he pulled it closed with more force than necessary, he seethed, "I give up. Possibly you'll have better luck convincing that idiot to get his head out of his ass." Without waiting for my reply, he crossed the room in a muted huff and was gone.

I bit my bottom lip, hesitating for a heartbeat. Then I rose, hands smoothing up and down my dress as I slowly stepped towards the door leading out to the backyard. My hand reached out for the handle, stopping just short for a second as I inhaled and exhaled slowly. Then I grabbed hold, slid it open and stepped outside.

Lea was facing away from me, surveying the backyard as he bent forward slightly with hands braced atop the railing. A light breeze picked up, tugging at his crimson spikes and making them dance. By contrast, his whole body was very still, almost eerily so. His muscles were taut and there was a stiffness to his shoulders that was impossible to miss. His fingers squeezed around the railing to the point of practically turning his knuckles white.

No question about it. He was still very much pissed.

It was almost strange, in a way… I was so used to him always being such a boundless source of energy and joy. I'd only ever seen him get angry one other time and that was when Grandfather had tried to bribe him during that disastrous weekend with my family. Even then, it hadn't lasted long and paled in comparison by far to his temper now. It was odd seeing him like this. Unsettling even. But I understood. I knew Lea's mom had always been a sore spot for him, so I was actually almost kind of amazed things had remained civil for as long as they had.

In a way, it was maybe even a good thing he'd went off like he did. You know… cathartic. Better he have a chance to rant and get all those things he'd probably been wanting to say to her for years off his chest, rather than keeping it all bottled up inside to fester.

But now it was time to pick up the pieces, pull him back together and maybe possibly even get him talking with his mother again, hopefully in a more constructive way.

...but how to do that exactly?

I just stood there in a moment of silent uncertainty, staring at his back as I tugged and twisted at my braid. But the longer I watched Lea, the more my heart squeezed at the sight of him. At how dejected and unhappy he appeared, his raw emotions practically etched into every line of his body. Eventually, my feet made the decision for me and I took an almost instinctual step towards him. Then another, and another one after that.

When I was close enough, my hand seemingly of its own accord reached out to softly touch his back. As soon as my fingertips made contact, his whole body went visibly rigid, even more so than it already had been. I brought my other hand up to join the first and slid them slowly around his middle as I took one final step forward to hug him from behind, resting my cheek against his warm back and closing my eyes as I listened to the steady rhythm of his heartbeat.

It took a few seconds, but then I felt the tension in his muscles start to ease as he gradually relaxed into the embrace and my hold around him reassuringly tightened. I had to let go however when he abruptly turned towards me, his arms encircling my waist to hug me fiercely to him. My arms shifted up to wrap around his shoulders instead as he buried his face in my neck, inhaling deeply and exhaling a couple times. I could feel him trembling, but with each steadying breath he took it subsided little by little.

I wasn't quite sure what to say or do beyond holding him and tracing light soothing circles along his back, hoping he found it as comforting as I always had whenever he'd done it for me so many times in the past. I patiently waited and just assumed he'd eventually open up when he was ready.

When he eventually did speak, it was so low and muffled against my throat that I almost didn't hear it. "...sorry, El… if I scared you..."

I shook my head slightly, my fingers shifting up to stroke his hair as I murmured, "Scared? No. A bit startled? Maybe… Concerned? Definitely." I tucked in my bottom lip for a hushed moment, then asked, "...are you okay?"

At first Lea said nothing, his only reply coming in the form of squeezing me more tightly to him. We stayed that way a few seconds more before his hold loosened but didn't let go - just enough for him to straighten up and press his forehead to mine. His gaze was downcast and my chest ached at how miserable he looked. His lips parted once more but instead of answering my question, he grumbled, "What she did was wrong."

"It was," I said calmly with a single small nod.

"She doesn't deserve my forgiveness," he tacked on, still quiet but more firmly now.

I noticed tears brimming at the corner of his eyes. Moving my hands to cup his face, I gently wiped them away with my thumbs as I agreed, "She doesn't."

"Serve her right if I never spoke to her again," he gave a tiny scowl.

Again, I nodded. "It would."

Now his green gaze locked on mine, squinting for a second before he puffed out a heavy, bitter sigh. "...but you think I should talk to her, don't you?"

My eyes lowered briefly and I pursed my lips to one side as I tried to choose my next words carefully. Then I looked back up at him, "I think… that you've had your turn to speak your mind, so maybe... it might be the right thing to do to give her a turn as well."

Lea merely made a noise of derision deep in his throat, glancing away.

I used the hold I still had on his face to gently make him look at me again. "I'm not saying you have to let her off the hook. Nor that you have to see her side of things. Nor even that you have to listen to her really. But I believe letting her speak and say whatever it is she was trying to tell you… maybe it could do some good. For both of you. And then... " I paused with a thoughtful frown. "...well, I'm actually not really sure what then, but... maybe the way forward will be clearer once you've both had a chance to talk. You'll never know until you try. And it's at least worth a try, isn't it?"

His expression softened somewhat, but not completely. "...how very logical, insightful and sensible of you, Doctor Phil."

I made a little snort at that. "Why, thank you."

"It wasn't a compliment." The words had no bite to them and were more so just tiredly teasing. He then fell silent for a moment, seemingly mulling over my advice while still holding me against him, his thumb absently rubbing up and down where it rested against the small of my back. Then his face pinched slightly and he harrumphed. "...she never even said she was sorry for what she did."

"Maybe she would have if you hadn't kept talking over her," I lightly pointed out with a wrinkle of my nose.

He hummed a weak, almost inaudible laugh at that. "There ya go with that logic again." He then heaved another sigh, "...I dunno… I guess maybe I can go back inside and…" he slowly closed his eyes and grimaced, as if even the very idea of his next words turned his stomach. "...give this a shot. Chances are good though it'll just end up being the sequel to the earlier shitshow," he rolled his eyes.

I tugged his head down and got on tiptoe, murmuring against his brow as I pressed my lips to it, "I'd expect nothing less."

As I lowered myself back down onto my heels, Lea brought a hand up to graze his knuckle tenderly along my cheek, giving me that soft look of his that still to this day caused my heart to flip-flop and made it hard to breathe. Then his fingers trailed past along my jawline to cup the back of my neck as he bent down to kiss me, slow and thorough, sending a heat through me that made me melt from the inside out. When he at last pulled away, his voice was husky against my lips as he said, "Thanks, El... for coming with me today. Having you here during… It makes everything a bit easier."

Face hot and feeling a bit breathless, I cleared my throat and smiled shyly. "Happy to, uh… to help… in whatever small way I can."

He grinned, his fingers toying with the tip of my braid as he gazed down at me for a second longer before he planted a quick peck to my lips. Then he was releasing me, taking hold of my hand instead and tangling our fingers together. Blowing out a breath that flapped his lips, he muttered, "Right. Back into the fray for round two now, ding-ding."

"Maybe try not going back into this expecting a fight?" I suggested as I felt a sudden buzz from my phone in my pocket. I went on as I fished it out to check my notifications, "Never know, it could possibly even-" The words however got strangled in my throat as my eyes widened, I nearly dropped my phone and I gasped out, "Baby!"

"Yes, Cuddlebug?" he cooed back.

I blinked at him. "Wha-? No, not you. I meant Rayne."

Lea looked positively scandalized. "You have other Babies besides me?" He clutched a hand to his chest, "The betrayal."

"No, I- That's not- She's not-" I stammered out before giving up with a groan of frustration and then shoved my phone up against his nose, reiterating more desperately, "Baby!"

His brow furrowed as he took it from me, eyes quickly scanning the open text message before both eyebrows shot up his forehead. "Holy shit, Raindrop's gone into labor?! I thought she wasn't s'posed to pop that kid out for another few weeks!"

"Well she's popping it out now!" My spine snapped straight as a thought struck me. "Like… now now! While she's there! And we're here! But we shouldn't be here! We should be there, not here! Definitely not here! We-"

"Shh, it'll be fine, I gotcha," he gently shushed me, one of his hands gripping my shoulder and the other coming up to rest his warm palm against the side of my face. "I'll put the fam drama on pause and we can hit the road ASAP."

"...really?" I asked slowly, uncertainly. "...that would be okay?"

He gave a soft snerk and shrugged. "It's waited twenty years already, I think it'll be fine waiting a lil bit longer. 'Sides, it's not every day our friends are having a baby, we should be there."

I turned my head slightly, giving him some side-eye. "And I'm sure this in no way is you hopping on the first excuse you could get to procrastinate sorting things out with your mother like a mature adult."

"Nah, that's just a bonus!" he chuckled.

I fought a tiny grin. But then it swiftly faded, a crease forming between my eyebrows now as something else occurred to me. "But we're so far away… it took us most of the day to get here!"

"The way I drive, we'll be back in half that," he wickedly smirked, digging the car keys out of his pocket, tossing them up into the air and catching them with a wink. "Just leave it to me! Now c'mon, babydoll, let's say our hasta la vistas then make like a piñata and beat it!"

With that, he took my hand in his again, opened the sliding glass door and we hurried inside.

Author's Note:  We've had plenty of Elsa's fam drama by now, figured it was high time for some of Lea's fam drama too xD Plus we all know our fave Fire Boi can have a bit of a temper even if he doesn't let it loose often, so it was fun to finally have a excuse to REALLY show that side of him in this fic! Luckily our ICE Queen was around to COOL our FIRE boi's HOT temper... hehehehehe xD Anyhoo, I knew for a while that I wanted to do a chapter with Lea's mom and her new family, but I was mega stumped on which characters would play the parts. For the longest time, I wasn't sure if I was gonna include any of the FFXV cast in my story (except for the brief reference to Meteor Publishing and Vyv allllllll the way back in chapter 2 as to where Rayne works and who her boss is respectively) but then when this idea came up, it really was too perfect! Aranea is just the right amount of sass and kickass that could totes be a perfect fit for Lea's and Saïx's mom! She even TALKS a lot like Lea with similar speech mannerisms and everything, or so you'll notice if you rewatch her video game cutscenes (as I have multiple times while writing this chapter now lol!). The main struggle was that she has a tendency to be quite flirty in the video game, but seeing as how 4 of the 5 men in this chapter were her SONS, couldn't really have her doing that except for with Iggy xD Hopefully I still managed to capture her personality well enough! And of course, including 3 of the 4 Chocobros was a pleasure to write! Plus, I got to squeeze in SO MANY FFXV references this chapter, it felt ridiculous after a while, but I couldn't help myself xD And bonus: in case it wasn't clear in that one quick sentence that was tossed out, turns out Reno was Lea's biological dad! Which sucks a lil cuz that means Reno is deceased in this AU and I hate to do that to another one of my fave redheads... but ah well! Who knows, maybe he only faked his death all those years ago and he's still out there alive and kicking and wreaking havoc xD

Teeny fun facts: I wrote that Lea's new step dad was an orthodontist waaaaaaay back in ch15 before I even knew Iggy was gonna be his step dad, so when I was rereading that for this chapter, I was all "shiiiit, I can't make Iggy an orthodontist, ew!" xD Optometrist didn't seem THAT much better, but hey, at least the dude wears glasses - that's all ya need to become a licensed optometrist, right? xP At least the whole orthodontist-optometrist thing made for a pretty decent running gag this chapter haha! Also, the telescope was based off a real telescope model I found after some googling, just the original brand was named after some sort of constellation, I forget what (...Orion? maybe?). So I changed THAT to one of the constellations from KH3: Ultros! ...because it was the best sounding one for a telescope - sorry, no Cactuar brand telescopes in this story xP

No clues or hint word/phrase this time for what the next one-shot is gonna be about - given the kinda sorta cliffhanger I left his chapter off on, you can probably guess what blessed event is gonna happen next time xD Don't worry, I'll try to throw in a couple of surprises for you still that you hopefully won't see coming!

Thanks for reading, I super duper appreciate it! And an extra BIG thank you to those of you who’ve liked, reblogged, and followed so far, seeing those lil notifications always brings the biggest, goofiest smile to my face!

FIRST CHAPTER || PREVIOUS CHAPTER || NEXT CHAPTER

[sleepless-in-starbucks]

Screw it

LAOFT from someone who’s never read the main story

100% of my knowledge of LAOFT comes from askes of @tulipscomeinallsortsofcolors that I read and the one-shots I’ve read. Some of it will be right. Most of it will be wrong. Hopefully all of it is a hilarious, sleep-deprived mess.

Since there’s a good chance I’ve got at least a few bits of plot right there are some spoilers herein so beware weary traveler who really should just skip past this mess of a post.

Sleep-deprivation baby let’s go.

The basics:

Setting: Wickhills

Creepy fae town

I think it’s based in Ohio. Maybe. Probably. idk

Tho if you came here for exacts buddy oh boy I have bad news for you

I digress

I think the description of the first part says smth about the people not minding having their things stolen

Except for uh I think her name’s May Gage

Ro’s Mom?

I think

NO WAIT

Description has to do with Dot Sanders

Mum of Lo and Tho

Will talk about them later but I just had to get that straight first

Even tho there’s, like, nothing straight in this AU

I think the main plot problems arise, originally, due to miscommunication

Or lack of communication

All I know is in the drunk history of Wickhills that I barely remember there was a mention of them not communicating and that basically dooming them

And y’all... lots going on around here

Lots

So uh we’re jumping into characters now here I go

Virgil Lastnamesmth: 

No I don’t know his last name and no I’m not going to learn it just for this post

It’s Lastnamesmth now deal with it

I think he’s Spider King

Or smth like that

He rules the forest

After he gets out of his magic coma

He’s in that for a long time tho

100 years I think?

And uh I think Durant did it to him but we’ll talk about the devil in a snake suit later

He got put in a protective coffin by... I want to say Greta but ngl I know nothing about Greta. 

She may be one of Vi’s sisters

He has a LOT of siblings actually

Many are spider sisters I think

And I think Elliot and Thomas are also his siblings in a way

Maybe

idk

Again don’t trust what you read when it comes from me peeps

But he’s super powerful

And I think he’s in the winter court

Whatever that means

I know courts exist for the seasons, and I’m reasonably sure Virgil’s is Winter, but that’s about it

He has magic but I don’t think he used it in any of the one-shots I read so what do I know

Well he does in one

That one where Logan gives his full name

That one was good I quite liked it

Well actually they’re all good I like all the ones I read

Back to Virgil

Hates parties which is a mood

He has to host them tho

Being Spider King is cool other than that bit I gather

And the part where the court gossips about you but oh well I suppose

I believe he’s autistic too

Or at least written with a lot of autistic traits

Is that how you say it? Autistic traits sounds wrong

Can fae be autistic? Or just like it?

Y’know what fuck it fae can be autistic and the only one allowed to @ me about that is the author screw off haters

I think the rest of what I have to say can live in the misc section

NEXT CHARACTER

Roman Gage:

I’d like to start with I love him and every time I think about what little I know of his backstory I want to cry

idk how he ended up in an abusive relationship but I know he did

And he’s such a good boi

He doesn’t DESERVE IT GODSDAMNIT

Only Vi would get me this emotionally invested in characters I only sorta know I swear

So yeah

Current Ro still has some problems with that

For very obvious reasons

And yet!

He is a gentleman and a knight and a champion and a prince

Yes that is a direct reference at that one one-shot shhh

His family is also one of witches right

He has a familiar 

Tis a cat named Dizzy

I only know about Dizzy from like one fic tho so that’s all I can say about her

Dizzy can talk too in case that wasn’t clear

He made a potion in the microwave despite knowing that he probably shouldn’t and I think that’s a good summary of his character

I think he found Virgil first

At the very least he did find Virgil

He’s a human who found a hot dude in a glass case crawling with creepy crawlies and thought ‘ah yes the perfect place to spend all my time’

Sounds legit I’m sure

I don’t know how this lead to him in a bad place with the motherfucker also called the Serpent King

But it did

But in the end he got glass coffin boy and two others so at least he’s got that going for him

We move on once more!

Patton Uh what’s Remy’s last name again I think it’s that:

Or it isn’t

I said it before I’ll say it again:

Looking up info for this defeats the point

Deal with my horrible misinformation

He got a gift from White!

I believe this is because his Mum saved her or something

The problem?

Uh

The gift is also a curse

Because while it’s incredibly written that’s the cliché folks

People have to do what ever he ‘orders’

Basically anything that techincally demands something from the other

Including things like ‘stop’ which is like one-hit KO murder word

Patton had a nightmare about that

That was a fun one-shot

Though if you could just like kill people on accident I guess I’d have nightmares ‘bout it too

He’s the other human of the trio plus one

No I don’t remember the word for a group of four people and no I’m not going to look it up

A Professional Cuddler according to that one fic where the description’s like ‘Patton thinks he’s got the best seat in the house’ or whatever

There’s one fic where Emile help him put make-up on

Wowsers

That fic was fun to read because he flustered ALL his bfs

No question

What else what else

I think he’s got a bodyguard

Named... Bell???

Maybe???

Okay I think that’s most of my Pat knowledge

ONWARDS

Logan (Berry) Sanders:

Yes adding the Berry was very important

It’s a huge part of that name fic

And I like it so

Deal with it

He’s a fae

I believe a changling to be exact

And a selkie

He’s... spring court...?

He was replaced for Thomas in typical Changling fashion

But then Thomas came back (I think Dot got Tho back idk) and suddenly he had a brother

He has nature magic of some form

But his best power is his flower power

He can’t control it and I love it so much

I don’t even KNOW what each type of flower appearing means 9 out of 10 times but that doesn’t make me any less happy about it

*Sigh*

I wish I sprouted flowers at random...

I think he’s also autistic

He and Virgil occasionally bond over that it’s sweet

Like with the painted nails tap tap tapping

Or the singing walls

I know something happened to him

Something relating to something stupid Ro did

I think that’s the stupid thing that got Ro forced to be with the dick that is Deceit in this

But I honestly don’t know what happened to Logan

Hmph

He can be a nervous boi

That fic where he tried to say I love you with his notecards?

Love that one

...Twenty-five percent of this is just me randomly complimenting Vi’s one-shots ain’t it

Huh

Oh well

No regrets

I just realized I use ‘Vi’ for Violet and Virgil interchangeably

That may be problematic but screw off if you think I’m going to change anything

That’s too much effort

BACK TO LOGAN

He has a honey problem from that one fic I read

Where he gets real sappy about his bfs to Thomas

Not like a bad problem

Just a ‘maybe he should stop drinking it if he wants to pretend he has dignity’ problem

Okey-dokie I’m moving on to his bro now

Thomas (Bug) Sanders:

Lo’s incredible brother

And when I say incredible I mean it

Very nice

Will squish Logan when needed

Actually will squish anyone when needed

He has a Squish Instinct

Also has Brother Instinct and no it’s not the Cain Instinct

It’s the opposite

Will Fight if you try to hurt Lo from what I can tell

I think he also had a monster in his head

The monster has a longer name but I can’t spell it so I won’t try

This fact is based on One (1) one-shot where he has a weird freak out

That’s also the fic I base my belief that he’s somehow Virgil’s brother on

But no promises

The fic starts with italics and bolded lines interchanging

I don’t remember the name tho

If you haven’t already figured out I’m not going to look it up you’re even more sleep-deprived then I am

But yeah Thomas is great

Teases Lo about his crushes like a good bro

Helps Lo when he’s panicking or freaking out or something

Even when Lo’s at college

I don’t know as much about Tho so let’s leave it there

Onto the Monster

Durant (is that his name idk) Monsterunworthyoflove: 

His last name is Monsterunworthyoflove because that’s what he is

I know almost nothing about him actually

They call him ‘he’ a lot because I think trigger reasons

But honestly he also doesn’t deserve to have his name spoken

He was the Snake King

Maybe Serpent King 

Eh idc

I believe he put Virgil in magic coma to rule as King

I think they were brothers but idk

HE SUCKS

I think he’s dead

I wish I knew how or by who’s hand but he is

He got a coffin in the ground which I think if unfair

Let the worms devour his flesh and let me make his bones into my furniture

I am a part of the Kill Durant Again squad only because I missed my chance to kill him first

Like I said I know little about him

But he put the abusive in Roman’s abusive relationship so honestly fuck him to Hell and back and then do it again for good measure

Every time I read a scene with Ro being uncomfy because of him

I want to strangle him

I fucking mime the motions

Violet honestly props on making such a hate-able character

I could talk about him more because I do know a few other things

But honestly the fact he’s not real and my dream to choke him slowly is therefore impossible makes my skin crawl

I hate him so much it’s not healthy so we’re moving on

To minor characters!

Minor Characters:

As in characters I know very little about

I guess they could be vital characters

REMY

MY BOI

I know he’s a classic badboy who will die if Emile kisses him and I love him

Also he’s super smart with his moonshine and I’m so proud

I love him so so so so much and I barely know him

Good job Violet you wrote him well and I love you

Emile is also great

Remy has protected him for wearing skirts because Rem’s a good boy and he’s RIGHT

Emile feels bad for treating Patton bad in the past I think

Hence that one make-up session

Emile also crushes on Remy hard the remile in this AU is on point man

Elliot exists

I think they’re Virgil’s sibling. Somehow. Maybe

I read one one-shot that focused on their relationship with Vi and that’s all I know about them

Mawmaw (Mamaw? mawma? I’mma just call her May. If she’s May. I think she’s May) is Ro’s Mom.

Also a witch I think

Really tough but she cares

Dot is super nice

She’s Lo and Tho’s Mum I think

I don’t remember the one-shots with her in them well but she’s always sweet

Okay there’s this one character who’s name starts with an E

I think she’s Logan biological mom

Logan cut a knot he had with her or smth

Apparently she’s awful and Vi would kill her but it would have a bad mental effect on Ro for... some reason

he got pale when the idea was brought up idk

I would have thrown her in forever prison if I couldn’t kill her but that’s just me

She placed a curse on Lo that stopped him from leaving Wickhills I think

Or smth

Lo broke the curse tho so what does it matter

Linda is the LAMP’s daughter??? I think???

I... haven’t actually read the fics she’s in so idk

But people really seem to love her so that’s neat

Out of minor characters so we progress to my fav part about the series

Gay bois:

Aka the LAMP gang

They’re so gay guys

The gayest gays

I like to think I can write decent gays

But these???????

They barely have to look at each other before they’re dead, murdered, killed by the mere beauty of one of the others

I LIVE FOR IT

In the one-shots I’ve read they’re either completely 100% fluffy gays

Or gays helping each other with one Trauma or another

But they still end up gay-ing over each other in the end

and the KISSING

as an aroace I generally find kisses meh or ew

But these gays

All they want to do is kiss

Sometimes it’s tender and sweet and loving

More often than not tho the kisses are like

‘If one of you didn’t manage to barely hold onto a brain cell throughout the gay you’d be fucking in public’

I am repulsed to write that sentence but it’s TRUE

...I think

Note: idek the difference between passionate but just passionate kisses and passionate about to get steamy kisses

Because you know

aroace

But the main point:

I find kisses meh

But these gays very clearly illustrate how beautiful kisses can be and I think that’s wonderful

Also I just generally love LAMP and this is good good LAMP A++ Vi

They’re so gay and loving and protective of each other

They really deserved their own category

Onto the final section

Misc:

Aka stuff that doesn’t fit in the other sections and/or stuff that did fit in the other sections but I forgot about it and am too lazy to put where it belongs

I realize now that Remy and Pat do not have the same last name

They’re not brothers (I don’t think......)

Does Pat’s last name start with a W?

That sounds right

Fug me if I know what Rem’s last name is tho

Where do they all live

I thought only Vi lived in fae land

But I think Pat may live there too

But Lo lives in non-fae land???

idk

Also fae land is called fairyland and I can’t tell if that’s it’s actual name or the name one of the Bois gave it jokinly

Because if fairyland is it’s serious name, that’s hilarious

No shade Violet I’m just easily amused

Y’know I always forget how young these bois are

Then I remember Lo’s not even 18 by the time the after main plot one-shots come in to play

So like

Damn son they young

I feel double bad for all of them

Triple bad for Ro- the Serpent King’s head will be mine I swEAR

I think Ro’s been a knight twice

Tho if you ask me he’s only been a knight once

Because I refuse to associate him in any way to the dick that is Durant if I can help it so he’s only ever been Vi’s knight suck it

Apparently like almost all of Wickhills hate the Sander bois

Probably the LAMP crew too idk

What I mean to say is despite how desperate I want to live there a lot of Wickhills’s residents are jerkwads

I think I saw a post where Lo can do photosynthesis and idk if it’s a shitpost or not but in this mess of a post I have decided it is canon

Mainly because that’s cool and I would like to do photosynthesis

A new one-shot I didn’t read has sparked a lot of askes about a Matt

I believe this man to be Pat’s father

But I can make no promises as to the accuracy of this belief

Did Linda come out of a tree?

idk why but I feel like she did

That’s weird man

How do you come out of a tree

(me @ me: ‘you could... you could read the fic and find out’

So turns out I can shut the hell up

I am a bitch who understands nothing)

And I have ONCE MORE gotten off track oof

My favorite part of reading LAOFT is all the fae knowledge I learn

Really has sparked my interest in fae

Even if I’ll never know enough to do anything with it asfsdfb

Plus apparently Vi just sprinkles in her own fae lore here and there

Which is super cool

But also means if I tried to write something I’m quite sure someone would be like ‘umm this isn’t true’ and I would feel played

Also what is up with Vi and Lo and rainfall

In that one fic where they hide in a tree and Logan senses a raindrop

His skin breaks open and sews itself together????

wtf????

So confusion

But hey guess whose bitch’s fault that is

*finger guns at a mirror*

ELDRITCH MONSTORITY

That’s not at ALL how you spell it but that’s it that’s the thing that was in Thomas’s head

Go me for remembering it

Fae land has a lot of customs and I know very few of them

Tho I do adore that one Flirt fic

Poor poor Virgil

Oh yeah Logan can make these super cool bushes

I know he used one rose bush when fighting someone who’s name started with a Mrs/Miss

Yes I know the first name wasn’t actually Mrs/Miss

But all I know of her name is Mrs/Miss something

And he used another bush against some idiot of a fae who grabbed Patton

By the way go protective Lo go

Like they can all get crazy protective of each other and I LIVE for it

ROMAN HAD HIS MEMORIES SPLIT UP??????

I mean I knew about a Night Roman and a Day Roman but I thought that was

like

a metaphor 

Like Roman acted differently during the night because he was stuck with a monster whom I shall revive simply to kill again

And he was trying to be separate from that person??

Or something like that

But NOPE

Serpent King is a Bastard of a being and I would happily crush his wind pipe beneath my foot

I hope the most amusing part of this sleep-drunk post is my different names for Durant the Dead Bitch because I am having fun insulting him

Okay listen peeps that is not even CLOSE to everything about this series but I wrote this over a couple of days, and my memory of what has been written and hasn’t been written is nonexistent, and if you think I’m rereading this to edit, you’re a fool (no offense) so like. We’re just gonna do a wrap-up summary and call it good.

Summary: Gay fae messes who should figure out the value of communication get themselves in a LOT of shit because of their lack of said communication.

Also, final apologies to Violet, because LAOFT has incredibly deep, rich, intricate lore and my response to this lore is to grossly misrepresent it and also write this while I’m in the constant state of being sleep-deprived, and more or less acting like I’m drunk or smth

So uh. I hope this was amusing.

[pyro-peony]

Thoughts on 9x08 of Suits

ALRIGHT KIDS LETS MOTHERFUCKING GOOOOOOOOO (this is a long one sorry y’all)

Harvey not wanting Donna to worry is cute and all but like....you’ve always looped her in dude and this has got to be no different.

Honestly Sean Cahill is one of my favorite hero-villains of Suits so I’m glad he’s back. And Donna better bitch slap Malik, at least with her words.

Jumping right into a court room scene feels rushed let’s see how this goes. Edit: it was fine. And fuck you Malik, Harvey totally cares!!!

Okay so I like that they are going to try and do something Me Too related with Esther and Louis, so I hope this lands right.

So like...Faye representing Cahill would be a choice and I’m not entirely sure why Harvey is saying no other than he hates Faye, which valid honestly. Ekkk idk y’all should she represent him??

This supplier situation is a metaphor and please Louis don’t fuck this up!!!!!!

Sean, Alex, and Harvey working together is fun and I want more of it.

Guys I’m LOVING this plot line so far!! So much intrigue!! All the super Darvey stans are mad but this is the fucking Suits I signed up for INJECT IT INTO MY VEINS!!!!!!

Lol pat me on the back later Harvey. They are SO CUTE AND MARRIED.

Esther and Louis both have points, but Esther is right. Amy Acker is a true gift. This fight was so good.

“The side that I’m on is always gonna be the side that’s against you.” Forstman is honestly so fucking scary and so good. Like Harvey knows Forstman could murder him. This is SO INTENSE.

Darvey stans are mad lol. But Harvey truly is too busy kicking Andrew Malik’s ass, and couples who don’t live together can’t spend every night together it’s just not realistic. Donna is letting him off the hook for neglect while he’s trying to work and that’s honestly couple goals

Getting Samantha to take Esther’s case is A+++++ and Katherine Heigl is so hottttt 😩😩😩

Can I just say I wanted Jealous Donna with Esther and I’m not gonna get it and I’m sad about it.

Good apology Louis.

THREE PIECE SUIT HARVEY LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOO

Wow. Malik is a fucking dick and Harvey’s gonna beat the shit out of him. But also Harvey leaves the firm at the end so like WHAT IS HAPPENING?? Is Faye gonna fire Harvey??

In this house we DO NOT QUESTION Donna’s instincts!!!!

Harvey’s shooketh face honestly????? I’m like scared, sad, and turned on all at the same time what is this wizardery Gabriel???

WOWOWOWOWOW Sean I kind of hate you? Everyone is being so mean to Harvey and it’s not fair he’s a good guy!!!!!!! “Rules aren’t right and wrong and every line I’ve ever crossed is so it again cause I’m fine with what’s in my soul” damn. I got chills y’all.

Ugh Faye just sucks. Love Denise Crosby though she’s a gem. But Faye needs to die. Also Malik recommending Faye is suspect imo.

I love my blonde suits women teaming up. This is gold. And Katrina convincing Esther to come forward is a lot but ultimately good. And Esther got to say fuck that was awesome.

They have a plan but I’ve got a bad feeling about this y’all. I don’t think Harvey survives the night. This is going to be devastating isn’t it?

Lol all three lawyers getting arrested during this case has got to be a record like this should be in the papers. but see this is why I love Sean and Harvey, it’s a good pairing. But yes y’all this was way to easy. I’m so fucking stressed.

Harvey sinking that pool ball in the corner was SUPER HOT.

Sheila and Louis are gonna get married before the series ends and it’s very sweet!!!!!!! I’m guessing the last episode. And Darvey stans are mad lololololol. Am I a Darvey stan? Yes but I’m a Suits stan first and Louis deserves this.

Damn. They really killed lily? They really did that. Wow. It’s. A choice. And not a bad one but it’s certainly putting this story in a certain path. I think they’re really making this about Harvey’s feelings and make it a personal decision to leave the firm and not because the law forced him out and honestly? I might be here for it? And Donna telling him both his parents have died is kinda poetic.

WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?????????

[le-petitmort]

Part II – This thing is about to be a thing

In one-point-four seconds I came to the realization that I am quite literally…the dumbest motherfucker ever. First, I never got her digits. Second…I never got her digits. Disgraceful. Where was my situational awareness? It was akin to a scrawny defender putting pressure up court on the opposing team’s guard, not paying attention and running smack dab into a pick set by a seven foot chiseled like a bronze formed by the hands of Donatello, NBA center. Basketball metaphors…get used to them.

Anyway, it knocked the wind out of my sails. The reason being is that I had formulated this grandiose plan for her to make the first move beyond the first move. To engage the conversation. Open the forum. Get the small talk out the way. Allowing me to pitter patter and tiptoe my way past the threshold of awkwardness and straight to the glory road of getting to know her intimately.

By intimately, I’m not talking about straight to boom, boom, out go the lights carnal skullduggery complete with passionate wet kisses, heavy petting and cock to pussy communication. I was angling for dinner first. Not wine, dine and sixty-nine dinner either. I had it built up in my head that I was going to treat this one like a lady. Later on, I could whisper filthy invitations in her ear that would make her coo, as my hand deftly slid up her thigh towards paradise. Getting to that point would be the hard part. Or maybe not.

Maybe, I had put this particular pussy on a pedestal. Perhaps she was a cum guzzling cock whore who jumped bed to bed trolling for fat cock in the ocean of fuckery that is Brooklyn?

Mayhap, she was one of those chicks who secretly delved into her passionate side by stroking the kitty by the light of her iPhone to kinky images on tumblr. Trolling for virtual cock with selfie side boob action, a toothy smile of seduction and a user name like…say…wantonbabygirldreamsandtequilamemories.

Perchance, all that was completely off base and she was raised right by her parents. A pristine catholic girl with of heart and mind of gold, devout in her love of our lord and savior Jesus Christ who would be spending good Friday getting ashes thumbed on her forehead…or whatever it is Catholics do on that religious day. I’m agnostic so, I have zero idea and I highly doubt she’s Ms. Goodytwoshoes since I had already noted in passing that she likes a smoke and a cocktail in the evening. Plus, she wears those fancy stocking that scream “unwrap me Daddy and see the present beneath”.

Let’s get back on point. This is how much I’ve thought into her. The epitome of pussy on a pedestal syndrome. Now, we’ve had an actual conversation. Albeit, a very short conversation. Brevity is sometimes good…except when you don’t get the digits.

The face to face was going to have to happen. Overcoming my fear of ineptitude and delving into my inner rico suave. A little more toned down though, than an unbuttoned white shirt to the navel, smooth talking lothario schtick. But, more than simply me. Yep, this girl has me all sorts of fucked up.

You’re probably wondering, “what’s with all the self-loathing, dude?”. I admit it’s got to be a bit of a turn off so, here’s the back story. No, I am not a virgin who sprawls across the couch in my jockey’s eating flamin’ hot Cheetos whilst penning dirty poems to lewd images on tumblr under a username such as…bigdongdaddysearchingforhootchiecocksluts. I’m also not the kind of man who walks into a room, drawing in beautiful, leggy, big busted vixens like steel to a magnet. I’m somewhere in the middle.

A relationship failure who gets too wrapped up in his work. Which can come off as neglectful to a significant other. But, I’ve had a plan since I was eighteen that I’d be retired on a beach in Mexico by the time I was forty, with my gorgeous wife and two adorable children playing in the sand as I sip a corona and reminisce about all the good times.

You see, I like plans. I don’t like flying by the seat of my pants. Life is analytical. Meant to be linear with a point A, B, C and onward. Peaks and valleys are for the weak. Which is why, when I first spied my dream girl promenading down the crooked sidewalks of Williamsburg, I stopped the initial urge to go in for the kill and went with formulation of a process. Fucking up in love multiple times will do such things to a man.

The plan was off though, for now. I wasn’t going to be able to slap another ”call me, maybe” note on her morning coffee to pique interest. That was already done. Mutual admiration and quite possibly mutual eye fucking were already in play. She had said it herself! Not so much in those words. But, I’d been noticed. How had I not noticed her noticing me? I really am daft at this shit…or maybe I need a lightning bolt of confidence in my life?

Is this moment it? Is that all I needed was the knowledge that there was a connection from across the room that I hadn’t felt? Was there truly distant simpatico? Was kismet closer than the vacuum of my unsure, fearful mind? Do we already have a thing for each other?! Holy fuck. These are the questions whirring in my head at 5 AM. Just like the ceiling fan spinning full speed above my bed. I’m one hundred twenty miles an hour of jubilation and angst. As much as I pride myself on a linear lifestyle, I climb to the mountain summit and hurl myself into a canyon of doubt with every passing second spent thinking about her.

I can hear the city coming to life. The traffic beginning to snarl. The metal clank of bodega doors rolling open. A single bird stationed on it’s perch singing.

I should be ambling into my office, coffee cup in hand starting my so-called work day. Instead I’m counting the minutes before I jump in the shower, clean up and go finish business with my future paramour. Yes sir, I’m forcing myself to project a dose of swagger. Laying here, mean mugging like an NBA power forward who just euro-stepped his way to a thundering game-changing dunk. I’m a winner, baby! Shelve that pitiful shit, bruh. You da man! Get fuckin’ fired up!

Which is why I basically pimp walked my way to the coffee shop when the time came for action. Outfit: casual. A hoodie from my alma mater, jeans with a strategic knee rip, green Nike air force ones on my feet. I popped straight through the shop door towards the familiar blonde at the counter like I owned the place. Ya boy iz in da house! Woof, woof, woof!

“Large straight black and a skinny latte, please.” I winked, expecting she’d question why I was getting two drinks instead of one.

She went straight to brewing and giving me the inflated total. “Twelve even. Name, please.” Ok, babe, maybe you don’t understand that lives are about to change in mere minutes. A whole cosmic galaxy is about to open up. Astronomers like Neil Degrasse Tyson will be talking about the cavalcade of stars falling out of the sky because two lips met at an overpriced local coffee shop in Brooklyn. Guess I’m getting ahead of myself there.

“Stephen…with a P.” I responded.

Apprehension and giddiness course through me. Giddiness seems unmanly but, my excitement isn’t. I’m bouncing heel to toe as our drinks magically appear before me. I check my phone one last time. Knowing her punctuality, we are currently at T minus 2 minutes and counting. Ps. I am not a stalker…to reiterate.

I grab the steaming drinks and fly towards the door, nearly tumbling over a shorty with her nose buried her phone. No time for apologies, I must nail down a cozy table on the sidewalk. I want this first meeting to be something the entire five boroughs of New York stops in awe to witness.

But, there she is coming through the door just as I reach for it. The coffees are in one hand and I can feel them about to crash right into her. I swivel my wrist, going for the save. No fucking way am I flinging a skinny latte across the object of my forever affections. Fuck no. Shit. There it goes. Whoa…steady as she goes. Eye widening panic! Boom goes the dynamite! My fingers grip the cups harder and safely held. Crisis averted.

Cool and casual like that. “Here you go Iona.” I handed over her drink with a smile.

“Iona?” She looked at me puzzled.

My eyes darted, alarmed. “Uh, yesterday…when you made your order here. Uh…you told the cashier your name was Iona?” Now it was time for my own quizzical. “Your name is Iona…right?”

She blew out a breath. The kind that shoots upward, blowing a dangling strand of her bangs from her rolling at being caught in a fib eyes. “That’s a thing I do. To sound exotic.” She gave a quick shake of the head and nodded to the counter. “I change it up every day. Glenda, Marion, Billie Jean...Iona. Whatever I’m feeling like that day.”

Her hand casually reached for a true introductory shake. “My real name is Tuesday…and I already know you’re Stephen…with a P.”

My smile was contemplatively wry. “Isn’t Tuesday an exotic enough name already? I mean…I’ve never met a Tuesday.”

“Yeah, well, a girl has to have many faces. One must stay intriguing and beguiling.”

“I’m intrigued and beguiled.” I shot back. Somehow feeling comfortable in my skin for a change.

The corners of her lips curved. “Mutual.”

Relaxation immediately struck. My entire being at ease. A wordless infinity.

“But, I’m sorry Stephen. Much as I’d like to sit down and get to know you, I have to be to work in five minutes. I’m all about a strict schedule.” Nice! She really is perfection.

“I completely understand that.”

Tuesday fished a hand into her oversized tote, withdrawing a business card which she handed over. “I neglected to leave you my number last night. I was a little jittery over it all…well...you know.” Our eyes locked. Mesmerizing. “Will you call me for dinner?” She questioned as if there was some sort of doubt.

“Absolutely.” I opened the door, leading her through. Two fingers steadied at the small of her back. Feeling a response as Tuesday’s back comfortably adjusted.

She turned to me on the street, one last parting moment.  Words breaking apart the sweetest lips I’d ever laid eyes on. “Thanks for latte. I like a man who gets me coffee in the morning…cliché, I know.”

“The pleasure was all mine.”

Tuesday paused, giving thought to one last message. “Just so you know…I don’t do personal calls or texts during the work day. So, don’t bother. I’m married to my career. I have a plan.”

I gave the thumbs up. Fucking perfection.

-bart 4.20.2019

[minimickzy]

Tag || Peter Parker

You had been playing a game of Tag for 13 years, this could be the end.

Characters: Peter Parker x Reader, Mj, Ned Leeds, Tony Stark

Word count: 2260

Warning: fluff

AGE: 17/18

a/n: for my love of the movie Tag. PLEASE LEAVE FEEDBACK AND RBS MAKE ME DAY <3

Tag. Ever since you were 5, Peter, Ned, Mj and yourself had played a game of tag for the entire month of June. It was the bond that held you together all through elementary, Jr. high and now high school. Now it was after your senior year and with the threat of being pulled apart by college, this year had definitely proven to be the most extreme yet. 

The only ground rules were as follows:

No tag backs

No hitting of private parts 

No outsiders allowed to join 

Nothing is off limits

No superpowers fuck you Peter

In the 13 years of the game all of you had gone to extreme lengths in order to get rid of the cursed tag. Highlights include: crashing Ned’s aunt’s wedding and tipping over the cake in the process (smooth move Parker), running through a protest and accidentally breaking your arm while going after Mj and lastly finding out Peter was Spider-man when you sneaked up on him and he jumped to the ceiling. After that you had to add the 5th rule.

With school out, nothing was holding you back from putting everything you had into this motherfucking game. You were it with 5 days to go. Ned had tagged you so he wasn’t a target. Mj and you had made a truce to get Peter, he hadn’t been tagged yet this year- that was unacceptable. Luckily, you had Peter wrapped around your finger. Mj knew this was because that boy had been head over heels for you since the 3rd grade when he realized girls didn’t have cooties.

Mj put a tracker she and Ned had made into Peter's backpack earlier that day. You followed him to a park, happy to finally have the upper hand. You hid behind a rock and watched the small dot on your phone get closer and closer to you. Finally you heard his voice, you couldn’t hear what he was saying- honestly in the moment you couldn’t care less. 

As soon as the dot pass the rock and you saw his black converse appear on the path you jumped up and threw yourself on his back “You’re it!” You laughed as he let out a surprised yelp. You hopped down and started to take in the world around Peter Parker. Right behind him- who he had probably been talking to was Tony-fucking-Stark. Your cheeks heated up and you felt your knees go weak. You had just jumped on a guys back in the middle of a park while they were walking with a famous billionaire who had no idea you even knew him.

Peter turned to you and bit his lip. “I-I… I’m sorry- I didn't. Shit.” Peters cheeks were pinker by the second. “Mr. Stark, this is uh, (y/n).” Peter motioned to you Tony put his hand out to shake, “I’ve heard quite a bit about you. I didn’t think this is how we’d end up meeting.” He smiled and you nearly fell over. Peter talked about you? You’d be sure to bring that up later. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you. I don’t normally go out and jump on peoples backs by the way.” You quickly grasped onto what was left of your reputation. “That’s a relief. Can I ask what made you do it now?” Peter rubbed the back of his neck before sighing, “It’s a game. We um-  Us and our friends play this game of tag every June- its kinda a big deal and (y/n) was it and I hadn’t been tagged this year. How’d you even know where I was?” You turned him around and unzipped his front pocket, digging out the small device and handing it to him. “Mj made a tracker.” 

His eyes widened, “wow.” You nodded and shifted awkwardly, “I um- should get back to Mj… We were uh, studying…” You nodded to Peter and waved to Tony while backing up, ready to run away as fast as humanly possible. “Nice to meet you Mr. Stark!” He smiled again before you took off.

You didn't see Peter for a 2 days until you and Mj were taking your weekly trip to the beach. This wasn’t to say that either of you were very inclined to go sit on a crowded beach that smelled of bird shit and sunscreen but you both did enjoy the people watching. Ned decided to join after the promise of ice cream. 

You sat on a towel, sunglasses blocking out the harsh light, bathing suit covered with a loose white tee. Mj was reading a book- more than likely about a civil rights issue that you would definitely learn about  as soon as she finished the book and was able to properly argue with no one but direct the rant at you. Ned was sitting back and just enjoying the heat with earbuds playing music softly. 

Everything was at peace until out of nowhere the book was knocked from Mj’s hands and Peter appeared running by and leaning down to tap her shoulder, “gotcha!” Mj didn’t miss a beat to lean over and hit you, “Go get em tiger.” You scrambled to your feet and took off in his direction. 

You maneuvered between towels and kids playing, never letting your eyes off of Peter. He looked over his shoulder to see you closing in on him. He ran onto a volleyball court and barely missed the bottom on the net while attempting to make it, you let yourself slide under on your knees with ease, quickly catching up.  Peter took a sharp turn for the ocean. Sadly for him, some kid had been working on a sandcastle and left the bucket lying around, catching his foot and causing him to topple over. You couldn't stop yourself soon enough and fell right on top of him. You laughed against his chest, “Not fast enough Parker.” You chuckled again before being knocked off Peter by a wave. 

Peter got up and started back towards where you both had left Ned and Mj. “If I tag Ned, we both run and let Mj fend for herself?” He asked, you chuckled and nodded. “Sounds like a plan.” When you reached the towels you quickly picked up your phone and towel as Peter tapped Ned, “Sorry!” You yelled and then took off laughing with Peter once again.

7 am, June 30th. 17 hours until the end of the game. Last you heard Mj was it. You had woken up bright and early to try and get the jump on everyone. You made your way to the coffee shop, you thought it’d be safe there until 10ish, that's when the rest of the group tended to wake up. You got coffee and sat facing the door, this way they couldn’t get past you. It was around 9:30 when a women started towards you, she was wearing a dress and a hat.

You looked around to check if there was no tables left and she just needed a place to sit… but that didn't seem to be the case as there was still quite a few empty table and chairs. Then it clicked- Peter had pulled this same shit on you in the summer before 8th grade. “Really this shit again? Learn some new tricks Peter.” You laughed until the women looked up and it was just a random stranger. You turned beet red and started to spew out apologies, “I’m so so so sorry- I thou- I didn't mean-” that was when you heard the evil laugh from behind you. “Peter!” you whipped around and caught his eye, he leaned to look past you and smiled, “thanks Ms. Samuels!” You glared at him, “I thought Mj was it?” You could see the smirk playing at his lips, “Oh yeah, she is.” “Then why are you… fuck.” 

A hand patted you on the back, “we love a good distraction.” “dammit!” You lunged as Peter ran like a mad man for the door. You chased him a few block through the masses of people on the street before he run into the subway. You followed not far behind. The train was just pulling in as you reached the platform. You could see his brown locks speeding towards the cars. “You’re not away this time Parker!” You slipped into through the doors just before they shut. The car was plenty full but that didn’t stop you from pushing past people in order to find him.   

It didn't take long to find him trying to hide in between a man and the doors. You put a hand on your hip and raised an eyebrow at him, “Peter you have to know when you admit defeat.” he peaked out at you past the man's shoulder and shrugged, “it was worth a shot.” You laughed and tagged him. “Better luck next time dude.” 

12 pm, June 30th. 12 hours remaining. Peter tagged Mj and you were once again fair game. In the last hours of the game things got desperate. In 5th grade you locked yourself in a bathroom at Mcdonald's for 6 hours. Peter made aunt may tell you guys he was sick and Ned and once pretended to get arrested in order to not be it at midnight.  

5 pm, June 30th. 7 hours to go. Mj tagged Ned after trapping him with a new lego set. You thought that might have been the end. But you can never truly feel safe as long as the clock remained running. You wondered around the city, just walking the streets in order to stay active and not be anywhere they would expect you to be. You started down a random street when you felt someone grab your arm. You reacted instantly and punched the person square in the jaw before realizing it was Ned. 

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry I thought you were some random guy! Are you okay?” Ned nodded and groaned, “yeah I’m fine- now that you’re it.” “are you sure you’re good?” Ned nodded again before reaching up to check if his nose was bleeding, “Yes. Just don't hit me again.” You sighed, “Shit, how the hell am I gonna tag anyone? How’d you even know where i was?” Ned shrugged, “Peter wasn’t the only one who we can track.” “Are you kidding me? We really need to update those rules.” “Yeah, like maybe no punching.” You shot him a glare, “stop whining and get that fucking tracker off me.” 

11:35 pm, June 30th. 25 minutes till your impending doom. You, Mj and Ned had made a truce to work together to tag Peter. He had let it slip to Ned his plan to get out tag free. Hop on the Ferry at 11:45, you had to admit it was a solid plan- or it would have been if not for his big mouth. You hid on the dock as the last passengers of the night found their way onto the Ferry. You waited until 11:44 to run on and find a seat in the corner with a view of the entire level. 

As the Ferry left the dock you sent a quick text to Ned and Mj, ‘plans a go.’ Peter wasn’t in sight which meant he had made his way to the second story. You went up to second floor and peeked around the corner to find the target. Peter was nowhere to be seen but you had watched him get on the boat so that only left one place. 

You softly walked to the front of the boat and sure enough there was Peter Parker. Your heart leap at the sight of him with the wind pushing his hair back and his sleepy stature leaning against the railing. You looked down to your phone, 11:56. You knew what to do. You knew exactly how to finish this game. Now you just had to wait a few more minutes. 

You watched him from against the edge of the doorway out to the deck, careful to not let your shadow ruin the eliminate of surprise. 11:57, this plan was crazy and might just kill you in the process but Mj had promised it would work just fine. 11:58. Too late to back out. You stepped forward and cleared your throat to make your presence known. Peter turned to look at you, his eyes grew wide as he stepped back, pressing against the railing. 

“Hey Peter.” You smiled as sweet as you could. “(y/n)...” You moved closer to him, “Ned kinda let your plan slip.” Peter went a little more rigid and mumbled under his breath, “Damnit Ned.” It was now or never, You pushed yourself towards him and kissed him. It wasn’t your first kiss, but it was your first kiss with Peter Parker. You didn’t know if you’d ever have a reason to do it again and you didn’t want to let any second of it pass. You put all the built up passion into a single moment. You pulled away before to long. Peter was staring at you with wide eyes, mixed with surprise and lust. You carefully pulled your phone up and pressed it, letting the screen light up to revel the numbers 12:00 and smirked, “You’re it Parker.”

General taglist

@marvels-queen-bee  @paigeyisme @littleblue5mcdork @mystxrieux@dannnyphantomm @properparker @flopobrien @utautattooedghoul@commondazy@safehaven1097 @macymafia@pinetree111 @thekidsofneibolt@mcheung0314 @notnotnotnotkayla @bigbilliamdenbro

Peter Parker Taglist

@make-yourownmemories @light-up-shawn @savethebabyseals@marvelswebdesigner @caipurniia

[todaysbiggesthits]

The Exam

Best Music Moment of 2018:

Nasty: Hearing Red Eyes live. I've already said it on TBH, but seeing your favorite band in their relative prime is such a cool thing. 

BC: Since partying all night with my favorite band fell within the short window between Bestuv '17 ending and Bestuv '18 beginning, I'd have to say:

1. Kacey Musgrave's performance of "Slow Burn" on SNL

2. Radiohead perfectly executing "There There" which transported me back to Lollapalooza in '08 3. Despite the annoyance of sitting in lots of Indy500 traffic due to a new parking situation, I quite enjoyed working through half of the Stones' catalogue with Bronco riding shotgun and Codemin listening in from the flatbed of Dillon's pickup

Codem: Spending what was New Year's Eve for the central timezone in the USA at a Fijian medical bath facility listening to music, playing cards, downing tequeel and getting ringworm with my blushing bride. -hearing peter hook play the bass line from shadowplay live and in person. -Arden, JD and JJ encouraging me to go talk to Kyle from Swearin'. -Silver Jews and Westing (By Musket and Sextant) came to Spotify. -Watching "Random Rules" video for the first time

Larse: Sitting behind this massive (I mean orca fat) guy at the CHVRCHES show, feeling really bad for him before the show started because he was all alone and kept looking around and worrying about letting people in his row and things. As soon as CHVRCHES came on though, this guy was exactly where he was supposed to be that night. Sang the words and danced to every song and just made my day with how happy he was to be there. Jotted down every song of the setlist into his smartphone and just had an all around great time. And some of you motherfuckers won't even go to a movie by yourself!

JD: May: A moody Chinatown stroll with the new Grouper album in the rain. July: Soaking up some good tunes at the housewarming party to ring in our new pad. July: Some hilariously rambunctious youths having at it when “House of Jealous Lovers” came on during a full play of Compilation 1 at the DFA summer party. One of them (who must have been ~8 in the bygone days of 02) screamed out “this is the song that started it all!” to a crowd of stationary gawkers and I felt a brief moment of hope for the youngs. August: Shaking a leg at Pete’s wedding (also featuring a delightful hojl spin). September: A rowdy spin of “Sentient Oona” on the Levee juke with an impromptu digital jukebox dance party at the Turkey’s Nest with jj’s cousin and his lovely girlfriend. October: The best music cue I’ve ever seen at the end of Beau Travail.

Bronco: Taking John to his first concert, and that first concert was Mastodon. That was pretty awesome to be able to share that experience with him. He was super into it, and so were the metalheads at the show. "Dad of the Year" was definitely shouted more than a few times, and I thought to myself, "fuckin-A right."

Chap: My kids saying "Papa" when "She Drives Me Crazy" by Fine Young Cannibals comes on.

Best Shows Seen in 2018:

C: Open Mike Eagle at Pitchfork

Bronco: Sleep

Laser: CHVRCHES at Riverside Theater; Chromeo at Summerfest

BC: The Brian Jonestown Massacre, Radiohead

Nasty: The War on Drugs. 

Code: kraus - schubas peter hook - metro no age - the bottle swearin' - bowery eleanor friedberger - lincoln hall my bloody valentine - aragon "quickly climbing the ranks of my nice" ballroom kraus - the bottle pictureplane - bottom lounge soft moon - the bottle book of love - chop shop

JD: 1. Shame at Market Hotel 2. Hamilton Leithauser at the Carlyle Hotel 3. Beach House at United Palace Theater 4. The Voidz at Elsewhere 5. Parquet Courts’ Wide Awake! mid-day album release show with my morning coffee at Rough Trade

6. Flasher at St. Vitus 7. Deafheaven at Brooklyn Steel 8. Panda Bear at Brooklyn Steel 9. No Age at Brooklyn Bazaar 10. CCFX at the DFA summer party at Elsewhere with my girlfriend in full blown rem sleep standing up with her head on my shoulder 11. Alex Cameron at Warsaw 12. Gang Gang Dance and Interpol at House of Vans Of note: Dekkar at On Cinema Live at the Bell House.

Confession of 2018:

JD: I have a real TBH confession that I held until now. I was thoroughly enjoying the Flasher album on a recent evening after a few too many drinks when a burning urge to see them washed over me. They had a show coming up at a bar just a few blocks from my apartment, so I enthusiastically snapped up tickets for me and jj. Thinking this might be a good opportunity for a TBH outing, I emailed Chap trying to peer pressure him into attending the Flasher show and gauging his interest in a Parquet Courts concert that would be happening the following evening. No response.

We later received an invitation to a holiday cocktail party at a friend’s apartment on the same night as the Flasher show, and I hatched a cockamamie scheme to go from our home in Greenpoint to the party in Soho, leave after an hour to catch the concert back in Greenpoint, head back to the party in Soho, and finally retire back to Greenpoint. JJ wisely passed on such a scheme and I left the party to trek off to the concert solo with an extra ticket in tow. 

Awash in good cheer and excitement while Flasher set up, I thought what the hell, might as well take a flier on reminding Chap of the show. Maybe the twins are asleep, he’s just sitting around, can jump into a cab, claim the extra ticket, watch the show, and cruise on back. Mid-text I paused, wondering just why he never responded to the initial email weeks ago. A quick gmail search, and there sat my drunkenly composed beseechment to join, rotting in the drafts folder unsent. 

A couple of the dudes from Parquet Courts were bouncing around the bar, and I decided it would make more sense to hit up Chap about attending their show the next day than explain the whole snafu and extend a ludicrous invitation that required dropping everything and leaving immediately for a show he didn’t even know was happening. I ate the extra ticket, had a blast watching Flasher, zipped back to the party, drank myself into oblivion, and was way too hung over to even consider the Parquet Courts show the next day. NICK SORRY NICK! (editor’s note: too long)

Larson: I saw Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

BC: My neighbor invited me to see Imagine Dragons. I lied and said I had to travel for work. "On a Saturdee?" he inquired. "Yeah. Totally sucks," I awkwardly replied. I hid inside my house all weekend.

Bronco: I'd rather see shows by myself than with my buddy. He likes going to shows, and I keep inviting him, and we have a fine time, but he doesn't live in town anymore, so I gotta worry about him drinking too much and driving an hour home. And his wife is a psychopath and that complicates shit. Too much. And it's just so much more freeing being able to not give a fuck about anyone else during that time, to just soak it all in, it feels good and right.

Codem: -despite all of the bad things that kanye said, i still liked listening to his catalogue throughout the year. i even liked his EP that came out in 2018.   -i really liked the beach house album!   -i liked the snail mail album, skipped two opportunities to see her and then by --the end of the year, i thought the album was sort of boring.   -Arden and i went to see pictureplane open for alice glass and thought that the show sucked and pictureplane played such stupid songs. three months later, he put out my favorite album of the year and i can't stop thinking that i hated all of the same songs the first time i heard them. -i read an article on a bright fall saturday morning that exhaustively detailed the Cardi B and Nicki Minaj feud and i watched all of the instagram story clips that showed Cardi B scrolling through her phone with those outlandish nails of hers. it took me two cups of coffee to get through it all, but get through it i did. [i couldn't think of nicki minaj's name just now so i stared at the ceiling and kept running through names in my mind's eye: missy, kim, cardi, kelis, kim??, eve, trina. i couldn't remember. so i finally googled "kanye monster" and found her name. easy.]

Nasty: I'm done with new music. It’s over. I didn't listen to a single new album - I don't even know if I could name a new album. Realistically, I did like Daytona. 

Biggest Disappointment of 2018:

Nasty: MAGA Kanye

Larse: Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

Bronco: Black Tusk, Alice in Chains

BC: Getting into The Orwells literally two days before #MeToo chewed 'em up and spit 'em out

Chap: Car Seat Headrest. Can't believe he's gay! jk the album was the disappointment.

Code: -somebody hacked my spotify account and wiped all of my music and replaced it with raggaeton and halsey. i was able to get my music back, but i lost all of my meticulously cared for folder structure. -i wanted the simple minds album to be cool; it was not.   -i wanted the swearin' album to be really great; it was okay. -pictureplane and ovlov did not tour their albums.   -i had to eat two tickets to my bloody valentine after buying four. the original show sold out and i thought i was going to be able to sell my extras for a profit -- they ended up announcing a second show and there was no secondary market for the original show.   -no CCFX followup ):  

JD: Got to Hammerstein Ballroom for MBV and there was a line longer than an entire avenue. They were already on by the time we made it into the heinously oversold venue and we were stuck by the bar in the lobby surrounded by people constantly shouting in an effort to compete with the apocalyptic noise.

C: Terrible sound at Tame Impala show

Most Overrated of 2018:

Code: -probably that kacey musgraves album; i got absolutely nothing out of it. also, i liked the robyn album, but i wanted to love it after many years between releases. i think i'm just being greedy.   -i'm going to get killed for this, but the throwing the baby out with the bathwater approach to artists' criminal behavior or inflammatory tweets is pretty overrated right now. 

Bronco: Ghost - I like their schtick, with rotating members and the whole inverted church thing. It's campy but they're sticking to it, and that's fine, but their music isn't metal. It's poppy glam shit about the devil, and that's also fine, but I don't get why it's on anyone's list. Production value maybe? But the music itself isn't anything to write home about. I just don't get it.

JD: n/a. The thick layer of nonsensical, Pynchonian obfuscation the platform economy dollops over everything has made it impossible to understand how anything is rated. Almost feel bad for the click driven publications that have to just throw out a guess.

C: Mitski

Chap: Snail Mail

BC: Kanye. His new music is no longer good enough to put up with his bufoonery.

Laser: Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

Nasty: Clemson. GOARSH. 

Make It Stop 2018:

Nasty: DJT, anytime now. 

Bronco: Party politics. No more labels allowed. You can have a list of stuff you support and a list of stuff you are against, but that's fucking it. No more this side vs that side for reasons as caddy as an R vs. a D. Also religion having any influence whatsoever in the way our country is run. Believe whatever you want to believe, but don't force your bullshit on anyone else. You want to torment yourself with a lifelong christian guilt trip, that's your boat to float, but don't go poking holes in my boat just because you're a miserable fuck. Just stop. Also, Jack White.

Larse: Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

Chap: Baby Shark

BC: My shrinking attention span

JD: The cultural currency of clapbacks, shade, and tea.

Code: trap music playing from a phone's external speaker while i'm trapped on public transportation.  i'm going to go broke buying enough earbuds to distribute to these offenders.

Biggest TBH Regret of 2018:

Larse: Timberlake at Fiserv Forum

C: Not seeing Low at a church on University of Chicago's Campus

JD: -Hearing about a Grouper show at a church around the corner from my pad after it sold out. -Not necessarily a regret because I didn’t know it was happening, but oh how I wish I had seen Jon Glaser and Jon Benjamin as Dave Farina and Dave Franz, Dennis and Dennis’ sons, at a Bowery Ballroom Yo La Tengo show.

BC: -I wish I would've cooked up a way to see Shame play a midnight show in Bloomington.  I just want that kid to scream "Concrete" in my face. -I probably should've seen Smashing Pumpkins when they rolled through town too. 

Code: my flight got delayed and i missed the swearin' show at that place in brooklyn that "smelled like hot fish"

Bronco: Not a regret so much as I was super-bummed when High on Fire dropped out of the tour I saw in November. The venue we were at put my buddy and I right next to the stage. It would've been crazy awesome to see HOF there, but they've rescheduled at least, and I'll see them in January.

Bin: I haven't listened to any Kanye this year. I thought it would feel gratifying by year end - it doesn't. I'll probably still avoid this most recent album, but I'm going back to the well. I'll continue to talk shit about him though. Take that Ye!

Chap: No regrets 

Detective Murtaugh of 2018:

Larse: Getting too old to keep up with all of this new music and put a worthwhile list together at the end of the year…

Nasty:

Code: i added book of love show to my top ten concert list because Arden and i were able to take a seat on the ground in the balcony section. we had to continually move our spot on the floor to be able to peer through the railing and a mass of bodies in order to catch a glimpse of the stage.

JD: -Two of my favorite music related experiences of the year were seeing Hamilton Leithauser in the cafe of the Carlyle Hotel and the extended Niles family in The Nutcracker at the NYC Ballet. -When I googled “Detective Murtaugh” just now it was mostly pictures of Damon Wayans (Jr. no less!) playing the role on the Lethal Weapon CBS series.

Bronco: Putting up with shit instead of speaking up about it. There's room on the train but I'm squished by the door because some self-absorbed dinks won't move in? "Could you please move in?" It sounds so simple, but breaking that silence barrier was a scary thing. Now I don't give a shit. I'm on train for two stops, and I'm not going to see you again, so fuck you, move in or I'm going to move myself in and it aint gonna be pleasant for you.

Chap: A hipster female barber said I was a silver fox. AYFKM?

BC: What the hell is Fortnite?

Resolution for 2018 Update:

Larse: get my list in on time! How it went: probably horseshit! (editor’s note: it was early yet!)

NACK: While I didn’t have the occasion to catch shows this year, I anticipate doing so in '18 due to some changes afoot. How it went: Joe Dons has yet to let me know of a concert going on and I have no other friends here, so I blame him for my failure

Bin: I’m just going to keep saying “get to NY for a show with JD” until I make it happen. How it went: Didn't get to NY for a show with JD.

JD: See you gents more often with or without a show attached.  How it went: Fairly decent, but is it really ever enough?

Bronco: Get in shape. I want to stick to a schedule of running all year round. I ran a 10K back in June, then needed to recover for a bit, been recovering ever since…Fat Dad needs to keep running all year round without excuse, especially given that we go skiing between Xmas and New Year’s and I’m gonna be a floppy legged mess. During those runs, I’ll try to listen to new material each time. How it went: I ran a 5-miler in May. Haven't run since. Though I have been reasonably consistent with my prison workout (situps and pushups before bed time), so now there's a hint of muscle under my fat dad layer. Just gotta combine the two now somehow.

Code: make more playlists for my wife How it went: i said that i was going to make more mixes for my wife. i made one year-end mix for her and i'm sure she's loving it :*

BC: No more resolutions How it went: 2018 Resolution was "No More Resolutions," so pretty darn good!

Resolution for 2019:

Laser: ---

BC: Listen to one new album a week; reboot the Classic Album Review Club

JD: Greater consciousness of how I’m using my attention - an ineffectual and meaningless protest of the ways the world is burning down in pursuit of it.

Bronco: Read more 'classic' books. I didn't read many of them, even in school (especially in school? Never could read a book I was told to read). But I'm leaning in the sci-fi direction of 'classics'. I just read Dune this summer, and wrapped up Fahrenheit 451 the other day. I'm feeling an unexplained need to beef up my nerd credentials and this seems the way to accomplish it.

Chap: Learn Piano; Guilt Joe Dons into finally inviting me to a concert

Nasty: I'm sticking with it - get to NY for a show with JD.

Code: catch ovlov, pictureplane, washer, chromatics, EMA and colleen green live this year.

Most Anticipated of 2019:

Bronco: Tool. Fifth year's the charm. I'm actually hopeful this time around. In fact, I half expect them to drop it on New Year's Eve or something, just so it's post Listicle season, but not quite 2019 so it can't end up on those lists either. They're such dicks like that.

BC: Still waitin' on dat Vampire Weekend yet

Chap: Vampire Weekend, Chromatics

C: Lin Manuel in Mary Poppins... I kid, My Bloody Valentine

JD: Going to put Frank Ocean out into the universe, MBV take 2, Grimes, Panda Bear, Kanye’s escape from the Black Lodge

Codem: chromatics - tommy, MBV, washer, colleen green, EMA(?), DoM

Laser: no idea what's even on the docket

Nasty: Mueller's Report

[chronikkally]

SW is actually really racist and full people who glorify sexual choices. Its not about freedom of anything except a bunch of people attempting to drag you into a cult and then some

YOU cannot be against anything they say or you will be shamed for being problematic Tumblr is overrun by cultists who don't even think they're doing wrong. They don't believe they are toxic within themselves. Sjws are narcissistic, poison to their own health and others They are uneducated, use false statements, and even some forms of propaganda Immature brats who basically cry wolf every time they don't like something which makes them a bunch of fucking children who need to stay their asses in kindergarten A sjw is so damn full of themselves they will delete their blogs, come back. And if you were the one to call them out on bullshit. They get hurt. And will not apologize like an adult but run like a child in trouble. If you so happen to delete your blog for whatever reason. They will lurk and take your username. I know this because my former username Nikikikia was stolen and I no longer can get it back. That user name was my actual name, exaggerated, BTW. They kiss POC asses and then have the nerve to jump on black people. I remember a negro saying he likes short girls and they all bashed the poor dude for being a women beater and accusing him of only liking short girls as a sign of power. People who join or start a damn cult. Want power, want to find a purpose in life, or mock Charlie Mason and he ended up with a bunch of teenagers from either broken homes or some fucked dumb shit. And they ended up as killers within the damn cult family. How fuck can no one see this shit turning into Charlie fucking Mason. I am sick of a bunch of fucking KIDS out here starting shit and clearly can't fucking finish it. They accuse. They bully. They steal. They talk shit but ain't. They are racist. And this is my two cents because I 🇷refuse to let another motherfucker come after my black ass after the kingdom hearts fandom fucked up. I like my fandom. Don't ruin my fandom. You cannot call a person a pedophile for reblogging certain artwork. 1) an actual child has more worth then some damn paper 2) that shit is not liable in court 3) the police themselves would hung up the phone of you called them over some artwork 4) how do you know that person was not molested as a child themselves? Fetishizing and glorifying the shit out of Trans. They out here because of a damn choice to do with their bodies. Going into a motherfucker's inbox doesn't fucking help some of them. How about, in the bathroom? Be a bodyguard, bring a bat, bring a knife, because you simply marking a goddamn character as trans and telling everybody if they don't accept it they are transphobic. How about, you write, I don't know, you're own fucking story with trans characters instead of being so self entitled to some shit about people you barely understand? You can't fucking put a false fucking label on a fictional character from a goddamn anime and defend like it's a real person and the only characters that I am aware of is fucking Dangaronpa, a fighting game, and an anime I can't recall. You don't rewrite a character for the sake of rewriting for your own fucking pleasure. Because nobody went into the trans community and asked if they were comfortable with this type of behavior. Because I saw a post where they did talk about it and I lost like two followers so I guess they self entitled asses value a fictional stack of lines more then an actual goddamn human. I am an angry black woman. I am. Because it seems that this is what we call in the ghetto as white people foolishness and some niggas is in this shit. STOP. this has turned me damn near racist. It doesn't take the n-word. I don't get offended by the word nigger. I'm offended when people act like they really know something and don't. Around my friends and family. I'll admit I was wrong or joke about it. However, outside my house. I was told you either apologize or shut the fuck up. Sjws have done nothing but goddamn website to turn into the first ever cult that doesn't even need to be discovered through the deep web. Nobody and I mean nobody has to kiss sjws asses because they want the world to circle around them. There I fucking said it. And every damn message I get will be ignored and deleted fuck you feelings. I wasn't born to please everybody. Except my future husband and my unborn children. And I will promptly beat my child for even thinking or saying they are some type of Dogkin. That's just stupid. Beyond stupid. It is a mockery. The fuck?

[summerrrluvvv]

Chapter 7:

Day 6 in Miami

Tye:

 It’s been a day since Samar and I talked, he been dry as fuck with our conversation and I’m starting to get annoyed. I came down here for some fun, but I did not expect this bullshit. “It’s a nigga freeeee dayyyy” Melody sang as she came downstairs into the Kitchen. I was at the bar on the barstool just looking on Pinterest for Lingerie ideas for the party tomorrow. “What’s the move Tye Tye?” She asked smiling. She is normally this goofy, but sis is beaming, and super happy she been like this since her date with Isaac. “So, you not going to tell us why you so happy?” I asked. She shrugged. “What’s there to say, the date was nice that was it nothing happened, we might have kissed but that’s it” She said. I smirked “Mmmhm, well the move is to go to the mall to get fits for the party. Ari wanted to go” I told her. “Yess I did, let’s go!” Ari screamed coming downstairs with Zion. “Can we eat first” Zion groaned. “Girl eat at the mall” Melody said. “Red or Black Jeep today ladies?” I asked. “Black, for Black Power” Ari said. I started laughing. “Ok leh do it”. We got in the car, I made Zion drive cause her ass will try to finesse her way out of driving. “Ooh turn this up!” Melody said. Melody and Zion were in the front, Ariana and I were in the back. “Feelings soo deep in my feelings! No, this ain’t really like me boy you control my anxietyyyy” We all sang to “Boo’d up” By Ella Mai. “Ooooooh now I’ll never get over you until I find something new that gets me high like you do”. We pulled into the parking Garage, and Ari stayed in the car with me to smoke before we went in, while Z and Mel went ahead. “Bitch I’m geeking” Ari said laughing. She was a light weight. I started laughing. “Come on let’s go see some cute shit”. We walked all over the Mall damn near and Ari was being pick as hell. I had already got my fit from this hood boutique called Sicora, it was sexy as hell. “Ariana if you don’t hurry up, Mel and Z waiting in the food court” I stressed. We were back to Victoria secret when she finally decided on something. My phone buzzed “The fuck you doing nigga?” I read a text from Samir. I rolled my eyes. “Sup Tyeeee” I heard looking up, oh shit not this nigga, I thought. “All right Tye we good” Ari said before freezing.

 Ariana: 

 I was happy as fuck that I got my fit. “All right Tye we good” I said before almost dropping my shit. I instantly got angry. “Marlon what the fuck!” I stressed. I was finally free from this motherfucker. He smirked. “Damn you look good baby” He said. It has only been 6 days this nigga was hell. I rolled my eyes. “Nigga don’t get fucked up in this mall” I said ready to shove my foot up his ass. Tye grabbed me real quick. “Oh you going to the lingerie party tomorrow huh?” He asked smirking. “No were not” Tye said. I tried to move away from her. “Where your bitch nigga?” I asked. “Let’s go” Tye said. “Tye let her talk” He said. “I came here for you baby”. I flicked him off as she dragged me away. “Boy bye! I got a new nigga!” I yelled before turning around. We got to the food court and I was fuming. The audacity of this nigga. “What’s wrong?” Mel asked drinking a Starbucks frappe. “Marlon up in here saying he here for me, I knew I should have blocked him off my snapchat” I said. Mel shrugged, “is everybody ex in Miami” She said. Z came and sat down with her wings. “Okay whats up?” She asked. “Marlon is here” Mel said. Z shook her head. “We you got new bae so who cares” She said. I nodded. “You right fuck him” I said. Tye sighed. “I thought she was about to fight him” She said. I laughed. “I was if you aint drag me away, he might be at the party tomorrow” I said. “Well he will see you looking nice with Summer Bae” Tye said. Just the thought of even seeing Marlon on my nice ass vacation made me sick, but I was going to make him regret ever doing me dirty.

 Zion:

  “Ooh bitch that fireeee” Tye said to Mel. We were all showing off what we bought for tomorrow in the food court. “I’m sorry to bother you guys, but I just want to say you are fine as hell” Some light skin dude said coming up to our table looking at me. I blushed and smiled flirtatiously. “Thank you, I’m Zion” I said. He smiled; he was aight I guess. “Samuel” He said. I nodded. “Can I get your number?” He asked. “Yeah give me your phone” I put my number in his phone, he kept cheesing. “Aight bet, Ima call you baby girl” He said. I smirked. “You better” I turned back around to see my girls shaking they head. “What?” I asked. Melody just sipped her Frappe. “Yall what?” I said folding my arms. “Girl that nigga was not even cute what the fuck Z” Ari said to me. I rolled my eyes. “I need a new nigga mine is getting too attached for my liking” I said. Tye kissed her teeth, “At least he attached” She sipped her water. “I know yall don’t understand but when this whole trip is over we have to go back to Atlanta and these little feelings we having for these niggas will bite us in the ass unless we cut all that shit out real fast” I said. Tye nodded her head. “True but like it’s a fling that’s all don’t over think it Z” She told me. She was right I was over thinking.

 Melody:

 I laid out on the bed after we came home from the mall. I was exhausted and I felt like I am barely sleeping this trip. My phone buzzed. It was Isaac. “Thinking about you, I hope your day was good. I love you Melly Mel” I read. My heart fluttered. This nigga is hell. “Free?” Another text came in from Malachi. I was hesitant to respond. “Yes” I said. “😌 Good, meet me outside” I jumped up and looked out the window. I see he was standing there with a rose. “Give me a sec” I said. I hurried up and jumped in the shower and threw on something cute. Ari busted into my room, “Mel you got company”. She said smirking. I smiled back, “I know Ari” I said. She just kept looking at me. “You got two niggas sweating you” She said. I looked at her and smiled “You do too boo” She rolled her eyes and closed the door. I quickly went outside. He looked up at me and smiled, I smiled nervously at him. He was fine as hell “Sorry to pop up but I wanted to surprise you” He handed me the rose. I started blushing hard as hell. “Thank you” I said. “You want to ride around the city with me?” He asked. I nodded. I got in his car, and he sped off. “So, we just driving around the city?” I asked. He nodded. “Yeah, I want to get to know you is that bad?” He asked. I shook my head. “No, so what do you want to know?” I asked. “Mmm I don’t know a lot of things, your mysterious, ducking and dodging me” He said. I laughed at him because little does, he know. “I’m just cooling it with my girls in Miami, its supposed to be nigga free sir” I told him. He laughed. “Well I don’t know how long you here for, and I had to at least attempt to get you on one date” He said. I smiled. He turned on the radio and “Aston Martin Music” Started playing by Rick Ross. Which was perfect cause were riding around the city in an Aston Martin. “You just have this song on go when you get women in your car?” I asked. He bust out laughing. “No, it just so happens to be on” He said laughing hard. “Mmhm the beginning just starts” I said laughing. 

We drove around Miami and got some Icees and just sat on the rooftop by his car and talked. I learned he own a couple of business in Miami. I think he sells drugs but anyways. He grew up in Chicago but moved down here after college. He is the host of most of the parties we been going to. That is his thing. He knows that I am in school and that I just got out of a relationship and I am not looking for nothing too serious. “So can I ask you another question?” He asked. I smirked. “What I’m all 21 questioned out” I said smiling. “Can I kiss you?” He asked. I nodded slowly. He leaned into kiss me and we went from 0-100. I was damn near fucking him with my mouth. I had got a text from Isaac, which it was only his text tone that made me come back to my senses. “I’m sorry” He said. I shook my head. “No, your fine” I said. I started to feel weird. “You ready to go back?” He asked. I nodded. I read the text from Isaac. “I miss you like crazy”. I sunk into the seat as I got in. For a minute I had forgot all about Isaac but then when I did I started missing him too, and I felt like I was doing something behind his back.