#i’m in this bad habit right now of
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#this is extremely dumb but i cried today listening to a song#imagining a neverafter animatic of an ending#that is yet to happen and only imagined and probably wrong#also i ahve no idea how i’ll go about making that kind of animatic i’ve got in my head but#i’m in this bad habit right now of#associating every song i like with neverafter#and i just. i can’t quite imagine a “good” way of neverafter ending without some wild sacrifices#which means i’m associating every sad song with it#and imm making myself tear up for something that won’t ever happen#anyway i’m leaving that partial lyric that really hit me here:#“just as much as I mean something#everyone’s existence means something#and I want to hear it#I want to hear it#that voice reaching out towards tomorrow#so that someday when I’m reminded of today again your smile won’t fade#so that—before I disappear—my days with you won’t fade#I’ll leave this here”
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I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my life and. I just feel like crying over that fact. a few years ago I was sure I’d be an anxious miserable wreck for my entire life but now I wake up and I love the world and I promise one day you will too. please keep going please hold the world tight. you will giggle at something silly with a stranger. a staff member at a place you frequent will smile when they see you. an elderly person will look at you gratefully for helping them. you’ll cry about stupid stuff and laugh about it later. you’ll drink cold water during a hot day and it will be the best sensation ever. being alive is the best thing I’ve ever experienced.
#WWWAAUUUGGHGH#IM VERY EMOTIONAL. I love living I love the earth I love my friends so much#it was. so bad a few years ago#panic attacks every other day. miserable most of the time. unhealthy habits. every day felt like a bad day#but then I managed to get out of an awful situation. and I made an effort to try and love the place I live now as WELL as being homesick *#* for my home country. and I fought to notice the little things. and I went outside even when I haaated the idea of it#and now???? I’m still disabled. I still have anxiety. I’m not yet back in my home country#but my god I’m so happy in life. it does get better. everyone was right#even though I experience severe chronic pain on the daily. even though I live somewhere noisy and hot and crowded.#life is silly that way :3 I promise it gets better. it’s so cliche and it never sounds true but it is. it is#hopepunk
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I should not be this chronically exhausted both physically and mentally at this age.
#today I have been put thru the ringer and I am not ok#I’m tired of everyone and their momma istg#I wanna cry but also have no right to cry#I’m venting now in the tags just ignore me please#but FUCK#when do I get a break with this shit show I call my life#have no money yet whenever I’m sad I spend my savings to make me feel better#I hate my job and wanna call out but also know I can’t because it’ll reflect my rent check#Cali is too expensive and health insurance is a joke#kinda wanna sell all my funkos now because I’m over my bad spending habits#wanna go to school but that costs money#kinda wanna get a one way plane ticket and not tell anyone#and then there’s my mom crying her heart out because of her pos husband who wants to say mean vile things to her#hearing your mom cry is not a good feeling
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worst thing about being disabled is that now I am fully and completely aware of exactly how much I am worth to everyone I know. And it is not a lot!!
#like. it gets to me. A lot of the time it’s ohhh your life is priceless and. Well. Okay I did just see you put a price on it though.#like. It’s not always blatant but the laziness comments get to me. The stupid comments get to me. The money comments also get to me.#Either all life is precious or I am a drain on society. you cannot have both.#Why is my life worth less than twenty dollars. Better yet why are YOU gambling with MY life. wear your FUCKING masks.#like I’m usually fine bc I simply do not have the capacity for any more shit. I am existing in less dimensions than most ppl and Not Aware#And then when I am better I experience two entire years of Concentrated Cosmic Horror before I fold back down into being two dimensional#Cosmic horror? Eldritch horror? I DONT ACTUALLY KNOW. what I do know is that I straight up Do Not believe in the soul anymore bc of this!#like I’m horrified!! It is literally horrifying. If I still had all of me I could write some deeply fucked up metaphor but rn what I’ve got#Is like. okay so I’m supposed to be like. A galaxy on the inside folded into a person shape. Right#there’s stuff happening in there. three to five trains of thought at once etc. etc. and that is not what I have anymore. what I have now is#like. One planet and a white dwarf. not even a neutron star. And everything else went out so gradually that I didn’t really notice but#I woke up one morning and it’s not there and then I got into the habit of not looking up bc that’s a lot of work and I have to keep paintin#galaxies on the ash of this stupid little planet. And then I experience random bandaid treatment and Have The Knowledge again and.#I get to experience Plato’s allegory of the cave in REAL TIME and involuntarily!!#It really does suck that the only time I am able to comprehend the magnitude of my loss is when I’m not experiencing it!! bad times!!#I’m tired of being agreeable. Wear masks. Petition for air purifiers in public spaces. Or I start biting for real#if you notice I’m dealing with long covid a. BADLY. you’re right!! Gold fucking star! I challenge ANYONE to deal with The Bullshit actually#I’m not going to let myself be martyred for the fucking. Economy. Bull FUCKING shit.
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Healing is so great and also so strange
#not in a bad way exactly but#cause like you’ve gotten used to these habits and behaviors every time you’re in distress#and now it’s like. no we don’t do that anymore#and it’s genuinely refreshing now?#I don’t know if I’m explaining it right but at least for me it would be like a punishment and now it’s like#I’m not punished for emotions???? what????#it’s honestly very strange but I do love healing and recovering and all that
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I wonder how many times I’ve googled whether I’m having a panic attack or an anxiety attack...
#vent#hohohahhaoho anyways#I am sooooo bad responding to things....#anyways I’m literally less than five seconds my heartbeat shot up to 144 bpm so. fun <3 my lucky number 44 wouldn’t have it any other way#anyways I need to cry but I can’t cry so you understand. I’m pacing my room and standing with locked knees#and trying not to fumble or bump into things while makin my sister a snack while smilin and being normal <3#do u understand. ough what is with TODAY whhhhh. is it the aderall?? did the adderall fuck me up today?? or ?? wha??#oghghgg why am I so sweaty JUST in my pits like that’s the WORST spot to be sweaty in#kitty is here <3 she can sense when I’m crazy 🤪🤪#I’m at 160 now <3 ogohohoo ahhhhh I can’t lay down right like that the one thing you shouldn’t do with a fast heart rate#hoho anyways the crippling fear of not being who I need to be for the people I need in order to be#sounds chaotic and strange cus of phrasing but. you understand#anyways my heart doesn’t even get like this when I’m like. performing a full page monologue in front of my peers#I can pretend to be a cat for a minute and a half and tell the dog to stay in their place and not get into mine#uhmmm yea idk I want people to feel comfortable being serious around me and prove I’m the friend to go to for things or be the one who under#understands. but I always feel like. a pariah. is that the word? idk. when I feel confronted with things all I can do is like. run away. cry#suffer alone cus it’s what I deserve. yeaaaa I’m going insane can you tell I think this is the first time since like. February where I feeL#SO bad ugh idk what. I did this to myself the fuck?? haha. hope it doesn’t stress me to hair loss and skin picking and disorderd eating and#bad (or should I say worse HA) sleep habits. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm sorry my problems are minuscule to others and I haven’t had a day of#any real discrimination or struggle in my life#i have everything I need. all I have to worry about is doing class work and attending lectures and watching plays. I don’t have to get thing#a myself or worry about food or a place to live. wooofff uhmmm. I wish I had someone here to squeeze me until I don’t feel like crying any#more. oh I feel so bad what the hell. and my nail is breaking ahahaha imagine. a life where my biggest problem I have to face is#a nail breaking mhmhmhaha#haha when you hold in your tears so hard your nose drenches your chin. sorry that’s gross ahaha idk what I’m doing flooding your dash with.#whatever this is. I’ll try to stop now. sorry
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man. it’s hard to get better
#i’m anxious and upset and my instinct is to take a chill pill (klonopin)#but at the same time i know this emotion isn’t unmanageable right now#so like. i Can cope on my own#but it’s hard when you have a cheat code to calm down readily available#i don’t have any illusions about it being like a Bad thing to take medicine i just know i don’t Need It right now#it’s just. not an awesome habit to be in#personal
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u know what. The sleep thing is legit bothering me (I woke up at 3 AM after Not Enough Sleep so my nerves are Shot) I think I’m gonna keep a sleep tracker to see how much I sleep and when to try and confirm if there’s actually a Problem or What 🥲
#like there is a sleep clinic in town surprisingly it’s right next to my stomach drs office so I’ve seen it!#I imagine it’s expensive tho#so we r going to try self treating it I am gonna look into melatonin or something for real this time and not quit taking them after 2 days#🫣 I have a bad habit abt that but I’m gonna get BETTER abt it ok#sanchoyorambles#the closest thing I could find abt sleep problems that sound like it is a circadian disorder called non 24 sleep wake disorder and I’m like#that sounds exactly like what it is but that is scary and I don’t want it to be the case so I am now doubting my own judgment and Brain#like what if I’m Wrong like I’m not a doctor surely it’s just a result of insomnia….never mind the fact of how consistently bad my schedule#has always been even when I had alarms and jobs for months and it kept happening 😭 those are irrelevant right#I don’t waaaant another diagnosis I have enough thank uuuu#been avoiding looking into my very irregular cycles and mood swings for the same reason tbqh I don’t want to know anymore I know Enough!!!#I have problems!! no more please!!!#I mean it’s gonna be a problem whether it’s labeled or not but u guys know what I mean I think#plus the insurance thing which I am not thinking abt bc it’s awful and bad . doesn’t exist if I don’t see it etc
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Excuse the shittily made meme but here’s why I won’t be fixing my sleep schedule tonight
#i have a good book i could be reading but my brain was like nah#you can’t read this right now and here. why? you just can’t#so i turned to the dreaded phone#finished section 2 unit 13 of spanish ✨ and now i can’t decide whether to do unit 14 or skip it#i’ve been skipping units that have vocab i already know. hence how i got halfway through unit 2 in three weeks#but i think i could use the verb conjugation practice to be honest#i have a habit tracker in my language journal and i wish it wasn’t there because it just shows i’ve been skipping verb conjugation#for like a week now. so i Should definitely do it#personal#also please don’t tell me how bad duolingo is i already know#i’m not giving them money and i do other stuff#i have a textbook; like 3-4 podcasts i listen to; i’m watching telenovelas and vlogs and interviews in spanish#i do duolingo every day because it helps me stay consistent and review vocab and it’s so accessible#i get reminders in my push notifications and email like twice a day to do a lesson and i have a widget on my phone#and honestly it beats doomscrolling. so
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“NEEDIN’ A RIDE REAL, REAL BAD!!”
HAIKYUU + THIGH RIDING ᯓ⭑ ft. bokuto koutarou, daichi sawamura, kuroo tetsurou, miya atsumu, sakusa kiyoomi, & ushijima wakatoshi x f!reader
contains : explicit smut (18+), thigh riding / dry humping, phone call (keep quiet n ride!), risky sex / very mild: cw exhibitionism, squirting, teasing, praise, kissing <3, hair pulling (you to them), orgasm denial, usage of pet names — 2.9K WC
note : yayya my first haikyuu post on here ! this is my response to this thirst here ૮꒰˶˃ ^ ˂̵˵꒱ა hope u all have fun reading this <3
KUROO TETSUROU.
“Whoa whoa,” Kuroo coos through a breathy chuckle, big hand wrapping around your hip to hold you still against his thigh. “Easy now, pretty thing. Let’s pause for a second, okay?”
The sound of your protests and whines almost make him cave right off the bat. “…Tetsu..” you sulk, corners of your lips curling into a sad pout even when he gives you an apologetic smile before he’s jutting his thumb to gesture at his phone, the irritating melody of his ringtone repeating itself as the screen lights up, “Incoming call from: Kenma!” displayed across the top.
“Sorryy,” he huffs. “Can’t. This one’s important.”
He’s giving you a reassuring squeeze around your hip, a silent reminder that he’ll give you everything you need in a few minutes, but you’re not having any of that. Your arms come to stubbornly wrap around his neck before he can pick up the call, sugar sweet voice already making pleas only a second later.
On any other given day, you would have let him take the call with only an irritated huff— just not today. Not with the way you can already feel your orgasm running away from you. “P-please, please Tetsu,” you sob, “I was so close. Can’t wait any longer.. please?”
His eyes are widening a bit at the unfamiliar desperation in your voice, grunt slipping out when his cock reacts to it too, twitching and slapping against his stomach— a reoccurring habit that seems to only occur whenever you give him that needy little look of yours.
“Awww,” he whispers, and you barely catch the strain in his voice. “Well I’m sorry for ruining your moment, angel.”
You’re practically purring as soon as you feel his hand come to lightly cup your jaw, immediately melting into his touch as he smiles in response. “Ah— fine,” Kuroo caves as soon as he sees your hands coming to cutely hold his wrist in place. “Guess i can’t stop you if you need it so bad. But listen here..”
His thumb moves from your jaw, digit pressing into your bottom lip to angle your face at him. The look you’re giving him is just to die for, pouty lips soft against his thumb and you’re peering up at him through those pleady eyes— as if there was even a single chance that Kuroo would ever deny his pretty girl of an orgasm in the first place.
“Nothing crazy. Deal? Kenma hears and..” he presses a little harder into your lip, watching the way your tongue comes to swipe at the invasive finger. “Me and you? Are never hearing the end of it.”
You’re swiftly nodding as soon as the words register, hands coming to rest on the muscles of his shoulders as you resume your movement the next second, gasping at the way your clit catches against his thigh. “Kenma?” You hear him hum, tucking his phone between his cheek and shoulder— quick and casual.
Maybe too casual.
“Mmm,” his eyes flicker back towards you when you take in a sharp inhale. “So it’s about that. You sure you don’t wanna meet up to go over it?”
A loud gasp slips out from you when he abruptly grabs you by your waist, and your hands slam over your mouth, Kuroo tensing beneath you. “…Hm? Yeah, I’m listening.” He chuckles, regaining his composure in an instant as he starts to rock you back and forth against his leg— and fast.
The roughness has your face contorting, nails digging deep into his shoulders as you try and resist the strong hands guiding you back and forth— try and slow him down a bit, delay your oncoming orgasm by even second if anything at all. You hadn’t expected it to come back so fast, and.. you both knew good and well that you weren’t gonna be able to stay quiet.
You give him a look, something resembling your best attempt at a glare, but he’s ignoring it— casually chatting with kenma about something you can’t quite catch. You’re only left to bite your lip, eyebrows deeply furrowed as you desperately fight the knot tightening inside your belly, thighs clamping against his own as he flexes his quad straight into you.
“Oh,” Kuroo says, hand leaving your waist to pick up his phone again, finger hovering over the ‘mute’ button, and your body is falling limp onto his chest, hands balancing yourself on him as you peer up at him through tired eyes and a heavy pant. “Actually..”
“..Looks like I got a bit of a problem to take care of here first.” He smiles. “So give me a minute, yeah?”
MIYA ATSUMU.
“Gonna have to keep that pretty voice of yours down.” Atsumu’s lips brush against the shell of your ear, big hands tight around your hips as he drags you up and down his thigh. “Or ‘Samu’s gonna hear ya.”
Your hips stutter against his leg, drawing a sharp gasp from you- and he curses under his breath. Osamu would be back any second now, and yet he’s got you seated on him, your lounge shorts pulled to the side so he can draw one quick orgasm out of you before the three of you head out for dinner.
Because you— Atsumu’s impatient lil bunny, or so he calls you, just couldn’t wait until after the dinner to get a quick treat.
“‘M trying.” You whisper, voice breathless and whiny, and you tighten your embrace around his middle, burying your face deep into the fabric of his sweater. “Feels ‘s good… so good— need more..”
“I know, I know— later, yeah?” He sounds unsteady from how roughly he’s moving you against him, muscles of his thigh flexing and hardening underneath you. “Gonna give it to ya real good. stuff ya nice and full. How’s that sound, dirty girl?”
You want that.
You know exactly how easy it’d be for him to get you gushing underneath his cock if it weren’t for your insistence on him not cumming. And well.. it kind of made sense to him— considering how your last creampie went. His mind thinks back to how you looked with his cum dribbling down your thighs as you nervously clamped them together, and how no one seemed to noticed the juices dripping into a neat little puddle beneath you.
It’d be so easy— he’s got you all mapped out and knows you like the back of his hand. He could just push those pretty thighs of yours up to your face, hold them nice and still as he pummels the deep spot inside you that has you chanting his name over and over, and your cunt would be gushing right after that.
“‘Tsumu.” You choke out, tightly latching onto him like a koala, “‘M gonna cum..!”
“You are, aren’t ya? I can tell.” He groans, and his thigh bounces up into you, mumbling a curse under his breath when you squeal at the roughness. “Show me that pretty face when you’re lettin’ go.”
A couple more rolls of your hips and you’re gasping and stuttering against him, Atsumu pulling you just right against his thigh as your eyes slam shut, knot inside you violently snapping in an instant as you tremble underneath him, your mouth falling open in a silent scream.
“That’s my fuckin’ girl.” His voice comes out deep and breathy, hands tightening their grip on you. “Ride it all out f’ me, rela- oh s-shit.”
Your eyes widen as soon as the sound of footsteps registers in your mind, and your head swiftly turns back to see that Atsumu’s already pulling your shorts back over your cunt, your juices immediately soaking through the fabric as he holds you flush against his chest, big hand cradling the back of your head.
“‘Tsumu..!” You whisper, but he’s shushing you with gentle strokes along the back of your head.
“What, ‘Samu?” he calls out, his mind putting together a silent prayer that his twin was not about to open the door.
His prayers go unanswered.
“You two ready yet?” Osamu’s asking as soon as he flings open the door, the knob accidentally slipping through his grasp, and your door crashes against your wall with a loud thud a second later.
You faintly hear him mutter an “oops” before his eyes are finally falling on you, brow raising at the sight of you clinging tightly onto atsumu as your chest heaves up and down.
SAKUSA KIYOOMI.
“What?” you can feel your concentration falter as soon as the sound of Sakusa’s voice reaches you, and you’re immediately wiping at the frustrated tears that have begun to collect along your lashes. “Can’t cum like that?”
You’re quick to shake your head, and he doesn’t miss the slight tremble to your lips. Cute.
Sakusa had his doubts about this idea of yours from the start. He knows how needy you always get— knows that despite that innocent face of yours, your cunt’s anything but. It’s greedy. Something like this was probably not gonna be able to get you to finish, and he knew that.. but a part of him was just curious.
What he wasn’t expecting, however, was to see you this frustrated. Your chest is rising up and down with each angry pant, arm coming to rub at your nose from the occasional sniffle after being denied orgasm after orgasm.
And him? he’s never felt such a strong ache before. The dark spot on his shorts are a tell-tale sign that he’s been leaking with pre-cum, and he can practically feel it starting to drip down his cock. Neither of you were doing so well, and if he was being honest, he’s on the verge of flipping you over and putting you in a mating press— but the small voice inside him wants to see you come undone on his thighs. Badly.
He’s just gotta see how you look.
“Need your cock, Omi.” You mumble, rising onto your knees to scoot further up, but he’s stopping you only a second later. “Omi? Why..?”
“No.” he says flatly. “You don’t.”
“I do!” You’re protesting immediately after, hands balancing on his shoulders. “Can’t finish without it— ah!”
You yelp when he’s roughly pulling you back down, his quad flexing as soon as your cunt makes contact with his leg. The hands around your hips are tight, and Sakusa’s setting a rhythm only a moment later, keeping the muscles of his legs firm and flexed to better rub against your clit.
“W-wait!” You’re stammering, whining straight into his ear as you frantically latch onto him. He lets you bury your face into the crook of his neck as he works you closer to your high, forcing you into a mind-numbing pace to have you flying right off the edge in a few more seconds.
“You can— don’t fight it.” His voice comes out as a deep grunt, a result of his dragged out attempts at ignoring the borderline painful throb of his cock, and oh- he was so going to take you in a mating press after this. The second you’re finished gushing, he was gonna flip you over and finally rid himself this irritating ache.
“Omi!” You sob, eyes clenching shut as your hips start to stutter, and he can feel you trembling underneath his hands. “Omi.. O-omi— ‘m close!” He only responds by roughly pressing his thigh up against you, thick muscle hitting your clit just right as you choke out a scream, finally gushing all over his thighs.
“See?” He exhales, breath hitching in his throat when your nails dig deep into his back, his hands slowly moving you up and down to ride out your high.
“You can.”
DAICHI SAWAMURA.
“Feeling good, huh? Don’t try to fight it.”
Daichi grunts when you tug at his hair a little harder, face buried deep into his front as you desperately hump his leg. He’s gentle with you, strong hands guiding you up and down his leg, but he’d be lying if he said his patience wasn’t starting to wear thin.
The sweet nothings he’s been whispering into your ear this entire time are starting to sound a lot less like cooing and a lot more like grunting.
He couldn’t help it. He can feel you so so vividly, feel your juices dripping down the sides of his thigh and hear you moaning straight into his chest. You were soaked through and through, and it’s taking everything in him to stay patient and let you have this.
“There you go.” He’s praising you when you grind against him particularly hard, ignoring the way his shorts are feeling painfully tight around his cock. “Just like that��� move exactly like that.”
“Daichi,” you whine. “‘M getting so close— feels so good.”
“Yeah?” He exhales deeply, and the way his cock twitches suddenly has him groaning, hands squeezing a bit too hard against your hips as you wince. “Daichi..?”
“Oops, sorry princess.” He’s clenching his jaw, giving you a weak smile as you wrap your arms around him. “That’s my bad. Don’t mind me, okay? Just.. worry about yourself— this is all about you right now.”
USHIJIMA WAKATOSHI.
You weren’t as subtle as you thought.
His legs just looked so strong, so perfect to sit on, and you couldn’t help yourself. He didn’t seem to think too much of it when you first sat a little lower than you usually did, straddling his mid thigh as he flipped through another manga that Tendou had lent him earlier that week.
Just subtle movements up and down his thigh was your original plan, but it didn’t take very long for him to catch on.
“What are you doing?” Ushijima’s voice has you jolting from where you’re seated on his left thigh, his gaze now on you and the way you’re frantically waving your arms around in defense, barely able to stammer out a “N-nothing!”
You just barely catch the way his eyebrow raises in suspicion. It has you moving off him the next second, but he’s tossing aside the manga, big and strong hands easily wrapping around your hips to keep you planted on him.
“Don’t leave yet.” He says, stern and flat, but you catch the hint of curiosity swirling deep in his eyes.
The familiar heat of embarrassment is flooding to your face in an instant, and your head hangs low. “S-sorry, Toshi.” You mumble, fiddling with the hem of your shirt. “Your thighs just looked so big, just wanted to… ride them.”
It’s silent.
You work up the courage to snack a glance at him again, now faced with the sight of his head tilted a bit, as if confused by your confession. “B-but!” You continue, mouth already running off on its own. “Forget it, okay? It might be weird— Toshi..?”
It was just one little flex of his quad, one that had the muscle pushing up against your clit, but the way his name rolled off your tongue sounded sinful. You can feel his grip around your hips tightening a bit, and he’s leaning in to close the gap between the two of you.
“Wouldn’t it feel better like this?”
BOKUTO KOUTAROU.
It started off with an accidental brush of his knee against your cunt.
Bokuto had always been eager with his kisses. He had you pinned down on his mattress, body hovering over yours as he moved his lips against your own— and he hadn’t even noticed anything different until he heard you suddenly moan into his mouth. He’s pulling away the next second, eyes wide as he tries gauging your reaction again, bringing his knee back to rub over your cunt. And … just like clockwork, your eyes clench shut and you choke back a gasp.
He swallows thickly.
Only five minutes later and he’s got you seated on his thigh, moving you back and forth with a needy grunt, his free hand squeezing your cheeks as he forces you to look up at him. “Don’t look away, ‘kay?”
“You look pretty— pretty like that. I just wanna see.”
The look on his face isn’t much different from yours. His mouth is slightly parted in desperate pants, deep red spreading across his cheeks at the sight of you feeling good on his leg. He’s swallowing deeply before he takes in a sharp inhale right after, already pussy drunk and his dick hasn’t even touched you yet.
The way your face starts to contort when you’re rapidly approaching your high has him just hoping he doesn’t end up finishing untouched. It’s throbbing— absolutely aching with need and as soon as you start sobbing his name, he can feel his patience shatter into thin pieces.
You let out a loud yelp as soon as your back hits the mattress, Bokuto looming over you with a strained look on his face as he rushes to line his tip up with your hole. “S-sorry.” His voice is just above a growl. “I can’t help it after all. It’s okay though, right? Gonna make you feel good.”
#haikyuu x reader#haikyuu x you#haikyuu smut#atsumu x reader#atsumu smut#miya atsumu x reader#sakusa x reader#sakusa smut#sakusa kiyoomi x reader#bokuto x reader#bokuto smut#bokuto koutaro x reader#kuroo x reader#kuroo smut#kuroo tetsuro x reader#kuroo tetsurou x reader#daichi x reader#daichi smut#daichi sawamura x reader#hq smut#haikyu smut#hq x reader#haikyu x reader#haikyuu x y/n#hq x you#haikyuu drabbles#haikyuu scenarios#ushijima x reader#ushijima smut#ushijima wakatoshi x reader
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only good part of my day is the thirty minutes i sit outside during lunch
#personal#reallllyyyyy missing my old job. great coworkers AND i just liked the job#we were inside and outside for a sufficient amount of time#once a week my job was just. go swimming. and we had the best timeslot for it right in the hottest part of the afternoon#ughhhhhh. it gave me bad habits. now i’m like. oh it’s hot i know im in the middle of work but i guess i should just hop in the pool#real quick. 😓
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I’ve said this to friends earlier but I’m saying it here, lately i keep telling myself everytime I balk at doing things bc I don’t feel quite “right” yet, just “do it scared”, “do it weird”, “do it badly” “but do it” LOL my new mantra while I’m fighting my way out of silent hill, no “just do it” bc that doesn’t hit quite right, I have to add “scared/weird/wrong/badly” for it to hit right. idk why but it’s probably a good mentality to have to avoid getting stuck
#I have a VERY bad habit of being such a perfectionist that I just don’t do things if I know it’s not going to turn out exactly how I want#like recently I’ve been trying to draw again and instead of doing my own shit I’ve been tracing old art from myself#bc I’m afraid of what will come out of I just do something new right now bc I know I’m out of practice#and I get discouraged seeing myself go backwards after years of effort to improve#but the thing is the ONLY way to stop that and get back to where I was is to do it scared and badly#bc practice and habit really are the two most important things to improve#as much as I have always hated hearing that bc I’m incapable of forming habits like most people do#so it always has to be a conscious effort on my part instead of natural cycle#but if I want to be proud of my work I can’t wait until I ‘feel better’ bc those days are few and far between#and I’ll end up disappointed if I keep holding myself to standards I met years ago instead of the ones I need today
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The Love and Deepspace Boys Trying to Get You to Sleep ⋆。°✩
Tags: Fluff, teasing, needy boys, mild sexual content, gender neutral reader (I had to re-write so please let me know if I messed up.)
─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚. ───
Xavier is surprisingly softer than you expected when you first met him on your mission together. He’s an incredibly powerful hunter but possesses a quiet and gentle, almost oblivious, aura when navigating everyday life, like a ghost floating through the space he takes up. It should also be understood that this very nature of his makes him affectionate, so much so, that he won’t unwrap his arms around your waist and stop pressing his head to your shoulder as you sit at the kitchen bar, typing on your laptop.
“Are you planning on staying up later than the stars?” he mumbles.
There’s a gentle yawn against your skin from the sluggish man, highlighting just how long he’s been trying to coax you into going to bed.
“I wanted to finish this report for work.”
“The report will be there tomorrow,” he says. You swat away his hand that reaches for the power button on the laptop causing him to pout. He grumbles. “You should go to bed. Otherwise, I can’t sleep.”
Smiling to yourself, you decide to tease him. “Oh, so you’re really trying to get me to go to bed for your own benefit?”
“Well, you can’t very well expect me to do it by myself anymore.” Xavier nuzzles his head into the slope of your neck, cuddling you. “It’s your responsibility since you ruined my sleeping habits.”
“Ruined?”
“Ramshackled,” he repeats quietly, causing you to giggle. With an airy sigh, he presses his weight into you more. “How do you expect me to sleep when I can’t hold you?”
Defeated, you save your work and close the laptop. You swivel in your chair, enough to meet his eye, and cup a hand to his cheek. It never stops being endearing to you how he cutely closes his eyes and angles his head to snuggle your palm.
“Alright, alright, you don’t have to beg.”
His eyes flutter open, and the smile on his face grows as he wraps his fingers around yours. Carefully, he pulls on your hand to bring it up enough to begin to lace your wrist with affectionate kisses, tracing your pulse.
“I thought you enjoyed my begging.”
“That’s different.”
“It isn’t,” Xavier mutters into your skin, pressing another light kiss.
“It is.”
“So, you're resolute about that position?” he questions “innocently”. There’s something mischievous about the glint in those arctic eyes, which makes your face warm. You find yourself breaking eye contact, or else you’d lose it.
“Yes.”
Xavier chuckles then begins to lead his kisses down your arm. “In that case, care to explain the difference in detail, love?”
─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚. ───
“Sleep.”
“But—”
“Sleep.”
Zayne narrows his eyes at you from his side of the bed. You can’t blame him for being a little annoyed right now but the movie you put on to fall asleep was much better than you expected; and instead of falling asleep, you were more awake than ever at a very late one in the morning.
“I’m almost done with the movie,” you tell him, hoping he’ll cut you a little slack this one time.
“Everyone dies at the end of their own stupidity,” he bluntly states and grabs the remote. The television turns off with an overly loud click, and you pout. “Now, sleep.”
Crossing your arms over your chest, you huff. “You’re the worst.”
“I’m fine with that title if it gets you to rest,” he explains with a smooth yawn. “Poor sleep habits lead to bad decision-making later. You’re more likely to develop high blood pressure, and with your heart in particular—”
“I get it. I get it,” you say, wanting to be spared the lecture. Zayne is a good person and a better doctor, but you wish he didn’t worry about you so much just because you might have a little big heart problem. Sighing, you squiggle onto your back and pull the sheets up to your collar, kicking them a little childishly in the process (totally not to let him know that you were not pleased with his spoiling). “I hope you’re proud of yourself.”
“Very.”
Zayne turns over onto his side, away from you, and you frown at the loneliness. Softly, you poke him in the back, once, then twice then a third time before you finally get a hum in response.
“Am I really not getting a good night kiss?”
“Do you need one to sleep?” he asks, his voice deeper from the lack of sleep, urging you to convince him to kiss you even more.
“Duh,” you explain. Slowly, he turns back over to look at you, propping himself up on one arm with a look that says “Is that so” as you continue to ramble. It makes you a little flustered when he watches you so intently. He’s always had this silent dominance that makes you obedient, but you could get what you want from him just as easily with the exact opposite strategy. Cutely, you puff your bottom lip out at him. “There has to be some health benefit to it. Kissing makes people all happy. Happy is good, right?”
It takes a second for him to take in what you say, those smokey eyes closing in on you with thought before he climbs over you. He places both hands at your sides and quickly boxes in your upper thighs with his knees.
“You’re thinking of dopamine,” he says.
“Huh?”
“That makes you “all happy”,” he explains and presses a deep kiss to your lips, leaving you thoughtless and breathless all at once. He moves to your jaw, and you begin to squirm from the pressure of his impassioned lips.
“And Serotonin.”
Another kiss, lower.
“Oxytocin.”
He’s at your shoulder when he starts to nip your skin, and one of his hands moves to ski up the back of your thigh.
“Reduced cortisol.”
Flustered, you grip his arms.
“Zayne, stop, it tickles,” you whine, but it’s the last thing you actually want as he readjusts his position and hovers above you.
His usually neat hair is messier and his breathing a little heavier judging by how his chest laboriously rises and falls. Groaning, you bite your bottom lip as he knowingly leans in and whispers,
“You need it to help you sleep, isn’t that what you said?”
─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚. ───
“Why don’t you just say you don’t love me anymore?”
You look up from your phone screen at the sudden accusation. You’re resting on the couch, your back propped up by the armrest and legs splayed out on the other cushion while Rafayel looks down at you with crossed arms and a less-than-pleased scowl on his face. You’re entirely confused as to what you could’ve done to make him think something like that.
“Huh?”
“You’ve been playing video games for what—the last two hours?” he says, uncrossing his arms to grab your phone. It’s too late to warn him as he glances at the screen, clicking a few times. “What are you playing anyway? An…otome? Sheesh, go ahead and say you want me gone. Come on, tell me you actually hate me.”
Holding in your smile, you shake your head and affectionately roll your eyes. It takes an enormous amount of effort to not laugh as he continues to rant. “So, it’s one of those things. I thought I was actually in trouble.”
And by those things, you mean his dramatics.
“Hush, my complaints are perfectly legitimate,” he demands as he pushes your legs aside and sits on the couch. Leaning over, he flashes the screen at you to show the evidence he has that you’re completely unfair, unfaithful, and downright mean. “What’s this game giving you that I’m not? Are my dashing good looks and even better personality not enough? Is that it?”
Gently, you take the phone from his hand and set it down on the end table. “You’re plenty, perfect even.”
He scoffs and refuses to look at you. “Apparently not. Don’t you ever think about anyone else? What if I want to cuddle with you one day but you’re too busy to notice because you’re playing silly games?”
Ah, there it is. His real want. You never know why he can never just come out and say it.
“Rafayel, do you want me to come to bed and cuddle with you?”
“Want is a strong word,” he remarks but you can see his resolve (can you call it that when he planned to give in all along?) crumbling as he slowly turns back to meet your gaze, “but I wouldn’t be opposed to it. Not that you deserve it or care.”
Humming, you sit up, wrap your arms around his shoulders, and pull him down onto you. Lovingly, you snuggle him, stopping to only take in how red his neck and ears start to get when you squeeze him and start to stroke through his hair. You’re not sure if Lumerians can blow happy bubbles like he claims, but he definitely hums and relaxes his entire body weight to lay on top of you like he wants to sink into your skin.
Teasingly, you coo at him. “You’re so needy.”
“I’d rather say you humans aren’t needy enough,” he fires back as he wraps an arm around your waist and kisses the corner of your lips. “Ah, the sweet taste of victory.”
Giving out a gentle and short laugh, you lightly tap his back. “Go to sleep.”
─── ・ 。゚☆: .☽ . :☆゚. ───
#zayne x reader#xavier x reader#rafayel x reader#love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace fluff#love and deepspace smut#adelssmut#notsfw
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Haaaaaaaaaa….
#she speaks#brain’s being mean#like why#what did I do#I think maybe I need to take another break from posting my writing for a little while#I’ll still do Sunday six because the dopamine I get from being tagged in stuff literally keeps me going#but I think I’ll post the second chapter of fathom around midweek#and then not post anything else until late December when my first je fic goes up#the first one I wrote not the first one I post OBV#whatever the poll says is what I’m going with#it’s got seven votes lmao story of my LIFE#I’m just focusing too much on the numbers again#it’s a bad habit that I fall into and it just brings me down#again KEEP TAGGING ME IN SUNDAY SIX IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING HAPPY OKAY#okay sorry I’ll stop now#just needed to vent a little#if you can call it that#damn can’t even vent right lmaoooooooo
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I really want a babie one day but I’m worried about being infertile
#I feel like I have a hormone imbalance#my voice is really low and my periods were irregular and painful before the pill#but then again I don’t know because my moms voice is lower and she said she had irregular painful periods before the pill#and she had less than no problem having me so maybe it’s just a genetic thing idk#I was also chronically stressed and in a bad situation when I went through puberty so maybe that was part of the issue#also worried that my drinking habits have impacted my hormones beyond repair since I started drinking so early#I’ve done a really good job cutting back though idk idk#it’s dumb to even be worrying about right now because I’m at least 3 years probably more like 5 years away from being in a position#to even get pregnant#I’ve always wanted w babie I would be devastated if I couldn’t have one but I have a bad feeling#which could very well just be anxiety#no women in my family have had any problems so that’s the only thing I have going for me but I know it doesn’t really matter that much#in the grand scheme of factors#my grandmother had two accident babies and my mom had me on the first try lol
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Eddie, posting to Tiktok at three in the morning: I think it’s perfectly okay if you’re a restless sleeper or you sleepwalk. That’s fine. I just think you should have goals…that’s not leaving my house.
Eddie: That makes it sound like I kidnapped someone. I didn’t. It’s just… My husband has been walking around in a circle for the last fifteen minutes
Eddie: And I want to go to bed but I can’t until he does because he has this bad habit of escaping and ending up at a hospital…or the woods.
Eddie: And yeah, I’m glad he’s not trying to break my ribs or- *flinches in surprise when a hand is suddenly shoved in front of his face*
Eddie, eyes flickering off screen: …yes?
Steve, after a long pause: Six dollar
Eddie, who adores sleeptalking Steve: For what?
Steve: Book fair
Eddie: …I have never wanted to live in your brain more than I do right now.
#Eddie watching Steve sleepwalk with a goal (pouring milk all over the counter): …great#Personally I think a trip to the scholastic book fair would fix all of us#I tried to googling when the scholastic book fair started and couldn’t find anything#so you get to decide if Steve is dreaming about being a kid or a teacher that wants to buy something from the book fair#eddie munson tiktok saga#steve harrington#eddie munson
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