#cause like you’ve gotten used to these habits and behaviors every time you’re in distress

[fandoms-spamdom]

Healing is so great and also so strange

[dokidoki-tae]

Injuring/Scaring Their S/O with their Stands

(Okay so I woke up at 2.30 am and it came to me and I started typing Risotto’s scenario at the moment. Then I stopped and went back to sleep because I knew this would take long, and I needed to wake up early.)

Scenario: So these guys are restless and you decide it’s a good idea to wake up assassin. S/O is not a stand user but knows about them; their guy just says it’s like having powers lol. 🤪🤪🤪🤪

Risotto: His s/o had been woken by his restlessness and watched him nervously, seeing droplets of sweat run down this face and small grunts escape his lips. He was soaking the bed, but your concern was his behavior. He was usually calm and composed. It's the first time seeing him like this, and it scared you. Building up nerve you shifted carefully and hover over him to get a look at his face, reaching out to caress it. When your fingertips touch his skin, his eyes shoot open, wide-eyed and feral. They looked at you but didn't see you. In this state, to him, you were something to exterminate. You back away only to feel unimaginable pain in your throat. It was something you had never felt before. Your hands go directly to your throat and vomit our 3 razor blades. You cry out, so bloodcurdling that it brings Risotto out of his stupor and pulls back Metallica.  Your screams will forever haunt him. His calls to you, panicked and cradles you, sweat dripping down onto you. You quiet down and shake in his arms. There is a knock on the door, likely concerned neighbors. Due to your injury, Risotto has to be the one to tell them everything is fine. His appearance leaves the skeptical but doesn't press the matter. Going back to you now calmer, he assesses you, concluding your injuries are not life-threatening. You eventually fall asleep, but you end up building a fever as the night progresses. Risotto can no longer sleep and watches over you. He calls your work to tell them you will not be coming in and asks Prosciutto to take over his work that day. Prosciutto is annoyed that Risotto gave him short notice but Risotto's sober tone was enough to keep any comments to himself. When he goes back to you after making these calls, even in your frail state, you joke about getting injured more often if it means getting to put work off. Risotto can't muster a smile or laugh, his heart heavy from hurting you. He gets in bed and holds you.

Prosciutto: You never knew whether Prosciutto was having a bad dream because he always looks angry and distraught. One night you took a picture of him to show him, and he took your phone and deleted the picture. He assures you that that is just how he sleeps. You leave it alone. So it’s nothing new to see him like that when you’re in bed. He’s fallen asleep before you, remaining awake to finish a novel he had suggested. As the night progresses, Prosciutto swifts every now and then, causing you to pause and look over at him before returning to your book. He’s more restless than he normally is, but it’s not a concern of yours. If you try to wake him, he’s going to be upset and tell you to stop being fixated on his sleeping habits and patterns. Finally, you get through the novel, finding the ending bittersweet, if not, tragic. Of course, Prosciutto would be a fan of this. You write on a couple of sticky notes about your thoughts, so you don’t forget to bring up certain points with you discuss it with Prosciutto. Before turning off the light, you move to give a night kiss to Prosciutto's sour face.  At first, his expression was a matter of concern, but now it’s kinda funny. You love to kiss his knitted brown because sometimes it relaxes. Prosciutto uncharacteristically shifts in sleep again. It’s not something you think too much about until you go to kiss him. As soon your lips touch him, he grabs you by the next and throws you on the ground, hand still on your neck. Your body starts to feel odd. Your muscles and bones ache. You can feel your skin dry and your teeth ache. A weird sensation engulfs your entire body and your voice croaks when you call Prosciutto’s name. You weakly reach out to him and notice the hand that touches him is old and wrinkly. You’re too weak to react with shock, fear, horror, or terror. Youth and life are leaving your body. Unsure how, but Prosciutto comes to his senses and releases you, and you start to feel normal again. Due to the trauma, his stand caused, you still lose consciousness. The last thing you hear is Prosciutto calling your name. You wake up, sore and tired. Prosciutto is sleeping on a chair next to your side. He’s has your hand wrapped around his, holding it tightly. You blink several times until you remember last night. You practically jump out of bed, alarming him. You run to the bathroom and look yourself over. You’re okay; it was all a dream? Turning, you see Prosciutto in the doorway, guilt clear on his face. He walks over and embraces you, apologizing for hurting you. Standing silently, letting him hold you, you eventually comfort him, saying that you’re okay. That’s what matters. Prosciutto isn’t convinced, but you can see his face relax. You stare at each other, looking lovingly into each other’s eyes. Then you comment, “so do you think I look hot old?” Prosciutto lets out a single chuckle before shutting you up with another kiss.

Pesci: Pesci often comes to your place looking distraught, distressed, and scared. You know that he’s in the mafia, so that means he must see some traumatizing things. He’s often restless and mumbles things in his sleep. He often wakes up crying, and you’re there to comfort him in every way you can. You sing to him mostly, and he almost always manages to go back to sleep, and it’s enough to keep him calm until morning. This time he came and was visibly shaken, mumbling words like “crushed” “blood” and “everywhere.” A chill went down your spine. He walked passed you and to your bedroom, unable to look you in the eyes. For you, it was still early to go to bed, but Pesci looked emotionally and mentally exhausted. When it was time to go to bed, Pesci was tense, and it hurt to see him like that. You wanted to wake him up and comfort him then and there, but knew it was best for him to seek you out. You moved to sit on his end, but your weight shifting the bed was enough to startle him and swung in your direction. You couldn’t see it, but when he swung, a fishing line came out of his finger and hooked into your mouth and out your cheek. You were yanked and hit the wall. The slam knocked the air out of you. When Pesci saw you, he broke down and cried and sobbed, apologizing over and over. Beach Boy was still activated and the line still your mouth. You had a feeling this was the “power” Pesci had mentioned; you couldn’t help but laugh, never thinking it would be used on you. You point to your mouth, hoping Pesci would get the idea. He does and releases Beach Boy; he goes to hold your hand and cries more. You pat his head, kiss his forehead, pointing out that your injury wasn’t that bad. You wonder how you’ll hide the small hole on your mouth though.

Formaggio: You come home from work and find Formaggio in his usual spot: your old recliner you’ve wanted to toss for months. But Formaggio insists on keeping it because it’s so comfortable, and it holds so many good memories, he says with a wink. The recliner’s back is towards you, making it so you can’t see him. Due to the lack of snoring, you assume he’s awake though he’s not doing anything. You call and mention your home, expecting a “hi” as you hang out coat and purse in the nearby closet. When you get nothing, you walk over to him and peek to see him with furrowed brows and a scowl instead of his usually drooling, relaxed smile. You stare at him, observing his grimaced expression. You assume he’s having an uncomfortable dream, so you plan on leaving him to wake up on his own. Though temptation gets the best of you, and you decide to poke his cheek, but he swats your hand away as he shifts his position, still asleep. When he did that, he somehow cut your hand. It’s small, but you’re still annoyed. With a huff, you go into the kitchen to make dinner. As time progresses, you start to feel something is off. Everything seems so much bigger, and you soon notice you’re getting smaller. You scream and run over to Formaggio, trying to shake him awake. To show him what’s happening to you. But you’ve gotten to the point where your shakes and voice are too weak to do anything. He’s always been a heavy sleeper but this was ridiculous. You’re panicking, unable to think of a way to get out of this. Eventually, you’re small enough that you could fit in his pocket. You’re standing by his feet, looking up, unable to process what’s going on. You’re brought out of your shock when you see one of Formaggio’s cat’s prowling towards you. Your face drain and you start kicking Formaggio’s feet, desperately trying to wake up, but it does nothing. The cat pounces towards you, bumping into Formaggio, and waking him. He clicks his tongue and kicks his feet at the cat, annoyed. Stretching, he looks towards the kitchen and sees your keys are there, and calls your name. When he doesn’t hear you respond, he starts looking around the room. His eyes eventually fall on the cat that leaped at him and notices something between its paws; it caught something, Formaggio notes. He peers to see what it is and his heart jumps to his throat. It’s his turn to leap and lunge towards the cat, grabbing the nape of its neck and taking you into his other hand. He puts the cat outside and gently holds you in his palm. You’re in a catatonic state when you start to go back to regular size. Formaggio carries you and sits you on the chair, cupping and caressing your face. He says your name, hoping to get some reaction. For several minutes, you could only stare straight ahead, looking past him due to shock. Formaggio is unease until he sees tears roll down your cheeks and sobs escape your throat. Letting out a sigh of relief that you’re still responsive, he moves to sit next to you and comfort you the best he can.

Melone: Melone was always working on the computer of his. He claimed it was his “stand,” the thing that gave him his power. It looked like a regular laptop to you, but you didn’t question it. When it was time for bed, you called to him, asking him to join you. As much as he wanted to have you in his arms and have a pleasant and restful sleep, he needed to get some things done by tomorrow but promised he would join you soon. With a good night kiss (and a squeeze of your ass for good measure), you went off to bed. It was 2 am when you woke up with the need to use the bathroom and when you noticed Melone had yet to come to bed. After relieving yourself, you went to go find Melone in the same place he was when you left him. It was dark and you couldn’t see anything but his silhouette, but you assumed he was asleep because he wasn’t moving. Instead of leaving him there, you go to wake him up and bring him to bed with you. When he falls asleep while sitting, he always notes that he ends up sore; he’d appreciate you looking over him, calling you his guardian angel. You can’t make out his face, but his breathing is unsteady and ragged. “Melone?” You grab his arm, and then you feel something jump at you, knocking you over on your ass. You can’t see what jumped out at you, but you shuffle while on the ground, too scared to stand until you hit the wall. You look around and see a shadow move around, too human to be an animal; you didn’t have pets anyway. It had human arms and legs. What the hell was that? It was a good thing you went to the bathroom because you were sure you’d be pissing all over yourself now. The thing was getting closer to you, and you were frozen in place. And then you felt it on you, grabbing you and tugging at your flesh. You were terrified, but eventually found your voice and yelled Melone’s name over and over again, crying for him. “Amore?!” Melone sounded tense and frantic. His eyes adjusted quicker than yours did due to the nature of his work, and he saw his stand on you. He quickly removed it from you and tossed it to the side, more concerned about you. He feels you trembling, and you jump when he touches you. He reassures that he’s there and nothing will hurt you now. You sob and reach to find his face for reassurance. Once you do, you throw your arms around his neck and cry into his shoulder. He strokes your back, calming you, and carries you to bed, unable to let you go.

Illuso: More often than not, you’re always asleep before Illuso comes home from his job. It has always been like this, and you have grown to become accustomed to this pattern. You wished he’d come home earlier so you can go to bed together, but it can’t be helped. There were a few times where you’ve been awake when he’s come home, but that’s mostly because you were binge-watching television series. He scolds you for staying up so late to watch your silly television programs, and you scold him for always coming home late and making you go to bed so many nights alone. Other times you wake up with him sitting hunched over the bed, having fallen asleep as he undressed. It was on this night where the same thing had happened. You’re woken up because you feel a presence in the room, and you look to see Illuso sitting and unmoving. ‘Poor thing,’ you think. He’s so tired he couldn’t make it to bed. You shift out of the cover and out of the bed and go to stand in front of him. Looking, you see that he had fallen asleep. His face was resting on his palm and he looked like he had a headache, but he was sleep. He managed to undone 3 of his six pigtails before knocking out. He looked so cute to you, you just wanted to kiss him. But if he was this tired, it was best that you didn’t. Humming softly, you go to undo the rest of his pigtails when you feel something push your stomach, and you stumble backward and hit your bedroom mirror. Or so you thought. You fell and you fall back into your bedroom? But everything seems backward. What’s going on? You look for Illuso but he isn’t around. You start to panic. He was just there. Something in your stomach told you you weren’t where you thought you were. You look at the mirror you thought you hit, but then you see Illuso there in the same position. You bang on the mirror, calling and screaming his name but nothing. He’s dead asleep. You eventually give up and sit on the bed, contemplating what to do and eventually conclude it was best to just wait for Illuso to wake up. By noon Illuso is awake and clicks his tongue for falling asleep like that once again. He turns to see you’re gone. Unsurprising seeing as you’re normally awake before him especially when he arrives home late. He then sees something from the corner of his eye and turns to look at your mirror, looking closer he can see you, upset and tired. Your hair is a mess, your arms are crossed, you have bags under your eyes. Swiftly, he goes, reaches into the mirror and pulls you out. “Tesoro, I don’t know how this happened. I’m sorry.” He cups your face and kisses the bags formed under your eyes. You pout and punch his stomach weakly, calling him an “asshole.” He can only apologize, fighting back a smirk, guilty for scaring and depriving you of sleep. But he also finds you cute like this. He’s a masochist. He leads you to bed and lays you on his chest, promising to make it up to you. You pout more but agree. You began to fall asleep, but not before mumbling, “Your power is kinda lame...” Illuso frowns but decides to let you off the hook this time considering what he put your through.

Ghiaccio: You’re used to Ghiaccio moving around in bed; you’re used to him taking your covers; you’re used to him ranting in his sleep. You were not used to tears while he slept. You woke up to a kick in the ribs and a smack on the forehead, and you intended to give him a piece of your mind but stomached as soon as you saw his curled form, wrapped in his own blanket, eyes squeezed shut, eyebrows furrowed and shaken with gritted teeth. Was he having a nightmare? Your stomach twists and wonders what to do in this situation. Should you wake someone who’s having a such a severe nightmare. While thinking, Ghiaccio yells, still asleep. You call him, yell his name repeatedly, but it doesn’t reach him. He yells again, and you grab his shoulders and shake him, fear taking over. Instantly, you feel frigidness engulf your body, biting and piercing your skin, mostly your face. You’re stuck and can’t move, still conscious and in pain. Bringing out White Album was enough to finally bring Ghiaccio back to reality, and the color drained from his face when he saw what he had done.. He releases his stand to melt away the ice but can already see the damage done. You’re falling and his catching you, tongue-tied from shock for losing control and hurting you. He tends to your injuries with shaky hands. When you fall back asleep, he felt it was best to sleep somewhere else even when you insisted it would be okay. The next morning he sees the reddening of your skin, mostly on your face and neck. For the next couple of weeks, Ghiaccio is surprisingly gentle with you. 

[chabab2021-blog]

11 Anger Management Strategies That Can Help You Calm Down Fast

Difficulty managing your anger can lead to a variety of problems; saying things you regret, yelling at your kids, threatening your co-worker, sending rash emails, health problems, or physical violence.

Anger management problems aren’t always that serious, however. Instead, you might just find that you waste a lot of time thinking about events that upset you or venting about people you dislike.

Anger management isn’t about never getting angry. Instead, it involves learning how to recognize, cope with, and express your anger in healthy and productive ways.

Anger management is a skill that everyone can learn. And, there’s always room for improvement.

 Why Does Anger Need to Be Managed? 

Anger is an emotion that can range from mild irritation to intense rage.

While many people refer to anger as a “negative emotion,” anger can be quite positive. Angry feelings may spur you to stand up for someone or it may inspire you to create social change.

When left unchecked, angry feelings can lead to aggressive behavior, like yelling at someone or damaging property. Or, angry feelings may cause you to withdraw from the world and turn your anger inward.

Angry emotions become problematic when they’re felt too often or too intensely or when they’re expressed in unhealthy ways.

Too much anger can take a toll on you, physically, mentally, and socially. Anger management strategies are meant to help you discover healthy ways to reduce and express your feelings.

 Cognitive Behavioral Strategies 

Research consistently shows that cognitive behavioral interventions are effective strategies for improving anger management.1

Cognitive behavioral interventions involve changing the way an individual thinks and behaves. It’s based on the notion that your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are all connected.

Your thoughts and behaviors can either fuel your emotions or reduce them. So if you want to shift your emotional state away from anger, you can change what you’re thinking about and what you’re doing.

Cognitive behavioral strategies for anger management involve shifting away from the thoughts and behaviors that fuel your anger.1 Without fuel to keep the fire burning, the fire inside you will begin to dwindle and you'll calm down.

The best way to manage your anger is to create an anger management control plan. Then, you'll know what to do when you start feeling upset.2

 1) Identify What Triggers Your Anger 

If you’ve gotten into the habit of losing your temper, it can be helpful to take stock of the things that trigger your anger. Long lines, traffic jams, snarky comments from a friend, or being overtired are just a few things that might shorten your fuse.

That’s not to say you should blame people or external circumstances for your inability to keep your cool. But, understanding the things that trigger your anger can help you plan accordingly.

You might decide to structure your day differently to help you manage your stress better. Or, you might practice some anger management techniques before you encounter circumstances that you usually find distressing so you can lengthen your fuse—meaning that a single frustrating episode won’t set you off.

 2) Determine If Your Anger Is a Friend or Enemy 

Before you spring into action calming yourself down, ask yourself if your anger is a friend or an enemy.

If you’re witnessing someone’s rights being violated or your anger is signaling to you that the circumstances you’re in aren’t healthy, your anger might be helpful. Then, you might proceed by changing the situation—rather than changing your emotional state.

Your anger might give you the courage you need to take a stand or make a change.

If, however, your anger is causing distress or it’s threatening to cause you to lash out, your anger may be an enemy. In that case, it makes sense to work on changing your emotions by calming yourself down.

 3) Recognize Your Warning Signs 

It may feel like your anger hits you in an instant. But, there are warning signs when your anger is on the rise. Recognizing those warning signs can help you take action so you can calm yourself down and prevent your anger from getting to a boiling point.2

Think about the physical warning signs of anger. Perhaps your heart beats fast or your face feels hot. Or, maybe you begin to clench your fists.

You also might notice some cognitive changes. Perhaps your mind races or you begin “seeing red.”

When you recognize your warning signs, you have the opportunity to take immediate action so you can prevent yourself from doing or saying things that create even bigger problems in your life.

 4) Step Away From the Situation 

Trying to win an argument or sticking it out in an unhealthy situation will fuel your anger. One of the best things you can do when your anger is on the rise is to take a break.

Take a break when a conversation gets heated. Leave a meeting if you think you’re going to explode. A time out can be key to helping you calm your brain and your body down.

If there’s someone that you routinely get into heated disputes with, like a friend or family member, talk about taking a time-out and resume when you're both feeling calm.

Explain that you aren’t trying to dodge difficult subjects, but you’re working on managing your anger better. And you won’t be able to have a productive conversation when you’re feeling upset.

You can rejoin the discussion or address the issue again when you're feeling calmer.

 5) Talk to a Trusted Friend 

If there’s someone who has a calming effect on you, talking through an issue or expressing your feelings to that person may be helpful.

It’s important to note, however, that venting can backfire. Complaining about your boss, describing all the reasons you don’t like someone or grumbling about all of your perceived injustices may add fuel to the fire.

A common misconception is that you have to vent your anger to feel better. But, studies show you don’t need to “get your anger out.”3 Smashing things when you’re upset, for example, may make you angrier.

So it’s important to use this coping skill with caution. If you’re going to talk to a friend, make sure you’re working on developing a solution or reducing your anger, not just venting.

You might find that the best way to use this strategy is to talk about something other than the situation causing you to feel angry.

 6) Get Your Body Moving 

Anger gives you a rush of energy and one of the best ways to put that surge to good use is to engage in physical activity.4 Whether you go for a brisk walk or you decide to hit the gym, working out can burn off the extra tension.

Regular exercise can also help you decompress. Aerobic activity reduces stress, which might help improve your frustration tolerance.4

 7) Change the Way You Think 

Angry thoughts add fuel to your anger. Thinking things like, “I can’t stand it. This traffic jam is going to ruin everything,” will increase your frustration.

When you find yourself thinking about things that fuel your anger, reframe your thoughts. Remind yourself of the facts by saying something like, “There are millions of cars on the road every day. Sometimes, there will be traffic jams.”

Focusing on the facts—without adding in catastrophic predictions or distorted exaggerations—can help you stay calmer.5

You also might develop a mantra that you can repeat to drown out the thoughts that fuel your anger. Saying, "I'm OK. Stay calm," or "Not helpful," over and over again can help you keep the thoughts that fuel your anger at bay.

 8) Change the Channel 

Ruminating about an upsetting situation fuels angry feelings. If, for example, you’ve had a bad day at work, rehashing everything that went wrong all evening will keep you stuck in a state of frustration.

The best way to calm down might be to change the channel in your brain and focus on something else altogether.

But, you’re likely to find that telling yourself “Don’t think about that,” isn’t a good way to get your mind off something. The best way to mentally shift gears is to distract yourself with an activity.

Clean the kitchen, weed the garden, pay some bills, or play with the kids. Find something to do that will keep your mind occupied enough that you won’t ruminate on the things upsetting you. Then, your body and your brain can calm down.

 9) Engage in a Relaxation Exercise 

There are many different relaxation exercises and it’s important to find the one that works best for you. Breathing exercises and progressive muscle relaxation are two common strategies for reducing tension.6

The best part is, both exercises can be performed quickly and discreetly. So whether you’re frustrated at work or you’re angry at a dinner engagement, you can let go of stress quickly.

It’s important to note, however, that relaxation exercises take practice. At first, you might not feel as though they’re effective or you might question whether they’re going to work for you. But with practice, they can become your go-to strategies for anger management.

 10) Explore the Feelings Beneath Your Anger 

Sometimes it helps to take a moment and think about what emotions might be lurking beneath your anger. Anger often serves as a protective mask to help you avoid feeling more painful emotions, like embarrassment, sadness, and disappointment.

When someone gives you feedback that’s hard to hear, for example, you might lash out in anger because you’re embarrassed. Convincing yourself the other person is bad for criticizing you might make you feel better by keeping your embarrassment at bay.

But, acknowledging those underlying emotions—and labeling them—can help you get to the root of the problem. Then, you can decide to take appropriate action.

 11) Create a Calm Down Kit 

If you tend to come home from work stressed out and you take out your anger on your family or you know that workplace meetings cause you a lot of frustration, create a calm down kit that you can use to relax.

Think about objects that might help engage your senses. When you can look, hear, see, smell, and touch calming things, you can change your emotional state.

You might fill a shoebox with scented hand lotion, a photo of you on vacation with your family, a picture of a serene landscape, a spiritual passage about staying calm, and a few pieces of your favorite candy.

You might also create a sort of virtual calm down kit that you can take everywhere. Calming music and images, guided meditation, or instructions for breathing exercises could be stored in a special folder on your smartphone.

 A Word From Verywell 

For many people, angry outbursts serve a purpose. Yelling at someone may get them to comply with your demands. Or lashing out at a partner may show that individual that you mean business.

While aggressive behavior may get your needs met right now, there are long-term consequences. Other people might not like or respect you if you can’t tame your temper. Or, your words might cause lasting damage to the relationship.

If you’ve been using your anger as a tool to get your needs met, you may benefit from learning healthier and more socially appropriate strategies. Asking for help or speaking up assertively might help you get what you want without causing more problems in the long-term. If anger has been causing problems in your life and you’re struggling to tame your temper on your own, seek professional help.

Some mental health problems can be linked to anger management issues. For example, PTSD can be linked to aggressive outbursts. Depressive disorders can also cause irritability and may make it more difficult to manage anger. 

Start by talking to your physician about your mood and your behavior. Your physician will want to ensure you don’t have any physical health issues that are contributing to the problem.

[bornasghosts7165]

All I Want: Part 36

Previous Part

“Hi.” Harry said once he reached your table. 

“Uh, hi.” You reply. “Do… do you want me to go?”

You felt out of sorts. You were giving each other space but here you were in the same café completely by accident. You weren’t really sure where you stood after the last talk you had and you being AWOL for two days. He told you you were worth the fuss and that’s where things were left. What if he had changed his mind? Harry didn’t look like he was angry that you were there, but if this tour has taught you anything it’s that you basically never knew what was going to happen next. But on the other hand, when you saw Harry across the room you felt a little twinge of happiness that came after your surprise, and it seemed like he had the same twinge. It almost felt like it meant something; the two of you meeting like this by chance. He was basically always on your mind even when you were with Liam, and now here he was in the flesh when you didn’t even expect it. Was he glad you met like this too or did he want the space that your situation was creating? 

“What?” Harry asks. 

“I didn’t know you would be here.” You say. “I can go if you don’t want me here.”

“(Y/N)-“

“Really, I know we giving each other space right now. I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.” You interrupt.

(Y/N), it’s okay.” Harry says. “I didn’t come over here to ask you to leave.” 

“You didn’t?” You ask, in surprise.

“No, I’m actually glad you’re here.”

“Oh.” You say with a small smile. 

Harry smiles back.

“Can I sit?” He asks. 

“Of course.”

Harry sits across from you and you both just stare at each other. Now you could see that he too was happy that you happened to walk into this café. Maybe not because he thought it was fate, but because he was tired of being away from you. Even after you had broken, or at the very least bruised, his heart he still wanted to talk to you and spend hours in a café with you. The simplicity in Harry’s heart was something you craved in your life. You loved that his love for you was bigger than anything else that was going on. What was crazy was that you had it and then made it more complicated than anything ever needed to be. But right now, it didn’t seem like Harry wanted to hold that against you. It seemed like he just wanted to talk.

“How are you?” He asks. “Maddie’s hold me you’ve been a shut in.”

“Yeah, I’ve just been clearing my head.” You tell Harry. 

“I think we could all clear our heads after the other day.” Harry agrees. 

He was being so understanding about everything even though you knew it was killing him that all this was happening. It was making him do things that were out of character. Never in a million years would he get in a fight in a parking lot, physical or verbal. He didn’t argue with the people he cared about and he certainly didn’t let drama dictate his life. He was jumping through all these hoops because of what he felt for you and you felt like you were taking advantage of that. 

What Liam was going through was becoming hard everyone and the way you fit into it all was complicated. Harry was a saint for being sympathetic about it all, but it was not at all required of him, regardless of how he felt about you. The only explanation for this over-kind behavior was that he was thinking about how you were feeling about all this. He must know that you loved him and cared about him, but also felt compelled to be there for Liam. He must know how terribly confused and overwhelmed you were. For all you knew he understood the situation better than you did. You were fortunate to have someone so kind and selfless in your life and you hoped there would still be a place for you in Harry‘s life when you finally came out the other end of what you were going through.

“Today was exactly what I needed though.” You say.

“Yeah it looks like that camera is getting a work out.” Harry says. “Time to edit, I presume?” 

“Only about a million pictures.” You tell him. “I’ve come to clear my memory card.”

“That’s got to be some sort of record.” Harry jokes. 

“I may have gone overboard.” You say. “You know how much I love these days off and just wandering around.”

“Yeah, I do.” Harry affirms.

You saw something in his eye. Like he was realizing something. He smiled slightly, and looks down, not wanting you to know what he was thinking, but you knew. You knew Harry really well, and with all that had happened in the past couple weeks, you knew exactly what would make him smile right now: feeling like he knows you. That’s what caused this whole thing in the first place, wasn’t it? The kiss with Liam was one thing, but the problem with you and Harry was more than that. There were things that you hadn’t told him. Things you thought were inconsequential, but meant to much more to him. You didn’t realize it was so important to him to know everything, and it broke your heart that he thought you were someone else. Sure, Liam knew more about your life, but there was also a two year gap in his knowledge. And in the gap, you had become a completely different person. When it came down to it, Harry knew the important things; he knew what made you happy and what made you sad. He knew how you liked to spend your free time, and the things that infuriated you. Harry knew this you; and that’s what mattered and the you you wanted to be. It seemed like slowly he was starting to notice that. He was noticing that even though he didn’t know about your fear of doctors and how many bones you’d broken he still knew you. He might not know every detail, but he knew the feelings were real, and that your relationship was as real as any other. 

“It’s really good to see you.” You say. “It feels like it’s been ages.”

“Yeah, me too.” Harry agrees. “It’s weird, you know, not being attached while on tour.”

“So, what have you been up to?” You ask. “Filling your entire journal with songs?”

“Something like that.” He replies. “I guess we’re both pretty predictable.”

“Nah, we just get each other.” You say. “I know your habits and you know mine.”

“I guess you’re right.” Harry agreed, which made your heart flutter.

“So, anything good?” You ask, and nod at his journal.

“Not really.”

“Oh, I don’t believe that.” You scoff. “Everything you write is beautiful.”

“I don’t know. I guess I’m feeling a little distracted.” Harry replies with a shrug. 

“Yeah, I’m sure.” You say, knowing you were responsible. “Well, let’s see it.”

“Oh, no.” Harry protests. “They’re not good.”

“Harry Styles, are you nervous to show me what you’re working on?” You patronize.

“Not nervous…” He claims, looking anxious. “They’re just not ready.”

“Like that’s ever stopped you.” You say. “You’re usually begging to show me yourself.”

“I remember. But that was different.” 

“Different?” You ask.

You can see Harry thinking carefully about how to respond. Like he didn’t want to hurt your feelings, but also needed to be honest with you. He too was having a war with his heart and heart. Now, instead of walking on eggshells around Liam, it was Harry who was treading lightly. He cared about you and he wanted to be around you, but he wasn’t sure how to let you in when you couldn’t do that with him. You knew that was why he was having a hard time showing you the things that meant the most to him: his songs. You were so disconnected right now, and you hated that you couldn’t be the same. The moment you sat in the cafe and saw Harry across the way all you wanted was to be Harry and (Y/N), but you were both slowly realizing that it couldn’t be the same. At least not like this; when you still hadn’t decided what you were going to do. How was he supposed to trust you with his personal thoughts after whats happened?

“I’ve read your entire journal in this very café before. Or have you forgotten?” You say trying to lighten things up. You just wanted things to be the same again.

“Of course not. We used to come here all the time before.” Harry’s voice trails off. “This is where I…”

You look at him, waiting for him to continue. When he remains quiet you notice the happiness you saw in his eyes before was replaced with something else. Not sadness or anger, but it was clear that he was back in the place of being deep in thought about your relationship. Suddenly a switch had flipped and it was like being in this café with you was no longer comforting, but instead a reminder of what used to be. By the look on Harry’s face whatever he was thinking was a doozey. You cursed yourself for pushing him to show you his songs. You just wanted to talk to him, and now it looked like he was shutting down. As cool as he was being with all this Liam stuff, you knew that it weighed on him sometimes; this was one of those times you supposed. It was almost like he was somewhere else right now; like his thoughts had pulled him far away.

“Harry?” You ask, desperate to get his attention back. 

He looks back up at you, with a blank stare. 

“You don’t have to show me.” You say. “I’m sorry.”

“Right, um.” Harry mumbles, suddenly looking extremely uncomfortable. “I should go.”

“What? No.” You say in surprise. “Stay. I’m sorry for pushing you. Please stay.”

“I just have to go.” Harry says and stands up.

You watch as he frantically gathers up his things. You try to get a good look at his face, but he was doing a good job at hiding whatever it was that was bothering him. One second everything was fine, and you were both beaming at each other, and the next Harry is desperately trying to get away from you. You couldn’t blame him given the status of your relationship, you just wished you understood what was going on. You would do anything to make him stay and talk to you, but that didn’t look likely. Harry had gotten all his stuff together in a matter of seconds. He looked distressed and confused. It seemed like even he wasn’t sure what he was feeling. But it was obvious that giving you space was tearing him apart, but being with you with your relationship in limbo was just as hard. He couldn’t get as close as he wanted, he didn’t know what he was feeling, and the fact that you still hadn’t chosen was a constant reminder. Clearly, you weren’t the only one stuck between a rock and a hard place. He turns to leave, but a voice in your head told you to follow. You quickly put some money on the table to pay for the things you ordered, grab your camera bag, and scurry out of the café behind Harry.

“Harry!” You call after him. “Harry, please wait!”

He stops as you request and turns around. “What are we doing here, (Y/N).” He ask. 

“I…what do you mean?” You reply, not understanding. “What just happened in there?”

“I can’t sit here in this café with you and pretend like everything is the same or that everything is fine.” Harry says. “I want to tell you so much and I want to sit with you and just talk like we did before everything got so messed up, but it’s different now! And I’ve tried to be cool with it all because I know he’s been through the ringer and you and so have you, and I am just crazy about you, but it’s just…too hard to see you care about someone else to the point where you don’t know if you can be with me.”

“No, you can still talk to me! I’m still me, Harry!” You plead. “Please, please come back inside.”

“Why should I? I’m obviously not the one you want!”

“What? How can you say that?”

“You haven’t chosen! What am I supposed to think?” Harry says. “I know I said you could take your time and that you’re worth the trouble. I still think you are, but I just can’t do this to myself anymore. I’m trying so hard here, but I’m losing my mind thinking about what you’re thinking about. I hate that we’re not on the same page, (Y/N)! So, I’m done waiting around for you want me like I want you because I hate that you can’t to see that I’m the one for you!”

“Just because I haven’t chosen doesn’t mean-”

“It doesn’t matter what it means, (Y/N).” Harry interrupts. “I can’t keep doing this! I can’t keep wondering if you’re okay, or if you’ll ever love me like you loved him. I would do anything for you and I just want to see you happy, but this just isn’t fair to anyone. I can’t sit around in a café all day hoping you’ll show up.” 

“You were here all day?” You ask. 

“Yeah, (Y/N), I’ve been here all day because I’m a chump who can’t see when he’s lost.” He tells you. “I’ve tried to be okay with all this, because I want to be with you. I’ve overlooked that fact that you’ve kept so much from me, and I’ve tried to ignore the fact that you’re married, because I thought we had something.”

“We do! We do have something, Harry!” You confirm. “And I’m not married anymore and I haven’t been for a while. I had no idea he was going to show up here.”

“But you were married!”

“Why does that matter?”

“It just does.”

“Because why, Harry?” 

“Because I wanted to be the one to married you!” Harry finally shouts. 

“What?” You say in shock. 

“In this café, a year ago, this is where I knew you were the one.” Harry tells you. “And I thought you thought that too, until I found out that you already had a one. And now I look like an idiot, because I keep thinking that you’ll pick me, but it’s been days and we’re still in the exact same place. We’re sitting in there talking to each other like we’re barely friends, (Y/N). Admit it there’s still something between you and him.”

“I don’t know.” You mumble. 

You had no idea that Harry knew all the time ago that you were the one. You felt terrible about dragging his heart all around Europe like this, but you genuinely had no idea he thought that about you. You knew he cared and you knew he wanted to be with you, but it never crossed your mind that you could get married again. After the first time you just thought it wasn’t in the cards, but even after all the shit that’s been happening recent Harry showed up here today because he still thought you were the one. It was ripping him apart that you’d been married to someone else, and now he was having to see you decide between him and that someone else. It’s any wonder he hadn’t broken down like this sooner. He deserved better than having to yell at you outside of a café. He deserved better than fighting your ex-husband in a parking lot because you were keeping both of them on the hook. He deserved someone who knew what they wanted without a doubt, and you wanted to that for him so bad, but right now your head was spinning. You didn’t know what to say to make any other this okay, and it looked like Harry wouldn’t listen even if you did know what to say.

“I’m sorry.” You muster. “I’m so so sorry, and you deserve better. I do love you, but I don’t know what to do. I don’t know.

“Of course, you don’t know.” Harry says. 

“Harry, I-”

“It’s too hard, (Y/N), and it hurts too much.��� Harry says quietly. “I can’t wait anymore. I’m sorry...I’m done. Just....choose him.”