#which means i’m associating every sad song with it

[polarsirens]

.

[jocelynscrazyideas]

I Know You | Matt Rempe x reader

Inspired by the song I know you by Faye Webster

Warnings: heartache, salty fluff/angst, language, depression, mentions of death, (if you every need help I’m always here to listen and support you- always reach out and I’m here bubbas), the blurb is kinda long lwk. NOT PROOF READ

Summary: after wanting to follow your passion and go for a job you’ve been dreaming of, Matt turns down your dreams and shuts you out. You feel insufferable without him but feel unseen for your love and potential when you’re together.

a/n: I’ve been thinking abt Matt and I was listening to this song on the shower and I was like “damn, this is it.” So I hope you enjoy.

📚💬: Lando Norris? Or I could make a new blog and post there but yippee 🥳 OML and I know everyone likes my smut work more but im proud of this piece so don’t be mean. MATT REMPE WOULD NEVER DO THIS IRL (READ THSI WITH A GRAIN IF SLAT)

.·:*¨༺༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺༻¨*:·. .·:*¨༺༻

I had recently been really verbal about my dream job, being a Social Worker. I grew up in a family issued home, and I had recently gotten out. I want to let people know that there is safety and secure housing out there. That’s why this job has always been important to me.

It’s off season, Matt is off ready to train for the summer. Matt, my boyfriend if 5 months had recently told me to reach farther than the stars. “The sky looks like the limit, but there are most definitely more than one universe out there. Reach for the impossible.” He told me. Matty supported my dreams until he found out the job I wanted to take was in Wyoming.

Now it seems stupid but, I’d go across the world to take the job- im determined to rescuing the unseen.

“You should stay! Find a social worker association in New York! Please.” Matt begged. For weeks he would buy me flowers and take me out to dinner.

“Matt you just don’t get it!” I yell from the other side of our shared bed.

“I know you better than I know myself y/n! Of course I get it.” He shouts in my face. He stumps towards me. I crawl over the large bed and run out the room. I slam the door. Running for my shoes.

“You can’t just run!” He screams from the top of the stairs. He watches me slide my shoes on, he runs down the stairs as he sees me darting for my water bottle and the keys to my car.

“You don’t get it Matt! I lived it! You didn’t!” I immediately shout, he takes a hold of my wrist. He scoffs and lets me go. Dropping my heart, my stomach, my air, and I leave.

I have a work cell and a personal phone. Matt has my work number but not the location so I purposely left my personal on the counter and left. “You left your phone! y/n!” He shouts as I get in the car.

“Keep it! That’s how you’ll remember me! How you treated me!” I mimic him. Mocking what I had thought was the love of my life- which clearly I was wrong.

He runs after me. I see him dash inside of the house letting the glass door shut into the frame. He rubs out of the house once more, this time sitting the door securely.

Surely he’s just going to the grocery. No. He’s driving after me.

I take a sharp left, right. I pass through a light, I turn into a neighborhood, behind a blue house was a path. I park in the Parking lot they had taht sits infront of a large pink and organge playground. I take my keys and let my water sit in the car.

I tie my shoes and sprint away. I make it to .14 miles and I check to see Matt isn’t behind me. No one is on the path. I set my phone down and I tighten my runners belt.

I stuff my keys and push my phone in. I put my AirPods in and stuff the case into the belt. I listen to sad songs to fuel my running crave. I stretch after that warmup.

I hear cars passing by. “I’m sorry, i am playing hide and seek with my girlfriend, she is hiding with my niece I was wondering if you have seen her.” I stand up from my stretches.

What the fuck.

I’m behind a wall of bushes that hide the running path. I slide my head over, I peek through. Shit.

It’s Matt.

“Her name in is y/n. If you see her just tell her to meet me at the green marble.”

Green marble. The place I took him when he had his first panic attack after an nhl game. I calmed him down at this lake and it was super clear- really beautiful. The green marble was the place we spend the most time at together, our first kiss happened here, our last date was here.

The real reason why we call it the green marble is because I was wearing a green dress and he had on socks that I made fun of, they were marble/ tie dye.

~

Matt turns as I jerk back. He made eye contact with me through the bush. “Y/n?” He mumbles. He apologizes to the stranger he was talking to and walked toward me. I ran. I ran to my car. Letting him think I was getting in. I watch him turn around and head to his car.

He thinks he’s going to follow me out of the park. Nope.

I take off. I start on a small jog towards the duck pond they have. I run around this pond about four times which lead to about 1.43 miles.

I get tired of letting Matt eat away my feelings. I run back to my car, I stretch before I get in and I drink my water. I’m covered in bug bites and sweat. It’s 92F out, I’m wearing pink gym shark shorts and a black bra from alo yoga. My hokas are worn down, and my Nike socks are covered in dirt.

I head back towards home, then I see Matt’s car isn’t there. He doesn’t park in the garage so I’m guessing he’s just out drinking his emotions away.

~

“Meet me at the green marble.”

I never him saying to the stranger.

~

I reverse my car out of the driveway and I head to the lake.

“You actually came.” He laughed. Matt got up, wiped his hands on his shorts.

“How many girls asked to take a picture.” I laugh.

My mom used to tell me, “sometimes you just have to be the bigger person, let the other person think they have won the argument, but really, letting them move on is the best win. Forgetting and forgiving is the best gift you can do for yourself, and especially in big moments and relationships you’ll have when you’re older.” I think about it taht all the time.

Does it work? Oh yeah. It sure does. Matt falls for it all the time.

Ms I doing it right now? Of fucking course I am.

Do you know how some people say that men push away their emotions? Yeah Matt is distant, and I want him to be more open. He just gets insecure.

~ after the beach ~

Matt tried to shower with me, and i was okay with the thought of us showering together again. Until, “bubs, the hamper is full again.” He spoke to me. He looked at me like I was the only one who was capable of doing siad laundry.

“Okay.” I stared at him. I didn’t shower. I put on pjs instead. While Matt showered I packed a go bag, you never know when you need it.

I stored the bag by the shoes downstairs. I ran back upstairs to lay in bed.

“Matthew. We need to talk.” I mumbled when Matt came into bed. He leveled his head to mine and pulled me closer to him. My back still facing his front I pull my hands towards my face. Covering my face from any chance that I could cry.

“What do you want ti talk about?” He asked and kissed my cheek. He lay back down on his back and sighed.

“I wnat you. I all of you, you here in New York with me.” He voiced.

I told him before he got drafted- when we were still friends, that I didn’t wnat him to leave. You know what he did? He left for New York anyway.

“I made a decision. You aren’t going to like.”

“Y/n. I love you, I will come to your senses.” He laughed. He thinks my words are jokes.

Before I tell him I am leaving, I get up. Sitting up straight, getting out of bed. I made this decision about for seconds after packing my go bag, “Matt, I love you. I also love myself, and- I… I wnat to go to Wyoming.” I stutter and I see him sit up. Without hesitation he looked at me like I was a piece of garbage.

“No. Y/n this is something we talk about together.” He shouted at me. Spot flies out of his mouth.

“It’s my job, they offered me a really nice deal, they house me for a year and that’ll get me enough money to buy a nice house. I’ll be able to pay everything off my name.” I present him the idea of me being successful.

“No.” He lays back down, thinking I’ll say okay, and sit with him in bed again.

That’s not what happened.

“If you leave right now, we’re done. Yiu hear me? If you leave the room, we are not a thing, we are breaking up if you go sleep on your car, or sleep in the guesthouse.” He adds before I stepped out of the room.

I left. I grabbed the door before leaving and I ran.

I shoved my bag into my backseat, I had extra clothes, I had snacks, my work cell, blankets, my personal belongings I was okay to sleep in my car for atleast three days.

~

It’s been a year without Matt.

It’s been a year without me.

When I was driving to a friends house to spend the night, I never made it.

A drunk driver had hit my car, I came flying out. Following that, another driver had ran a red light, running me over.

I had six broken ribs, a fractured wrist, I tore my meniscus and my acl from landing on the pavement.

When Matt came driving behind me looking for me, it was only after Sarah- my friend I was going to spend the night, with called him.

“Hey Matt, um, y/n didn’t make it to my house. She said you guys are getting in it and needed a place ti stay. It’s been an hour since she said she’s on her way, it only takes 15 minutes to get to my house.”

“Okay? Maybe traffic?” He answered.

“No Matt, you’re not listening, it’s 2:07 in the morning. There is no traffic, we’re in the suburbs, no one is up right now except drunk drivers, I have something in the oven because I thought she would wnat a dinner but she never made it.” Sarah sounded sacred she couldn’t leave.

“Okay fine. I’ll go looking for her.”

“Matt, it was always going be you looking for her. If I went out for her, she would have left you.”

~

I was on the cold black pavement waiting for someone to come get me. I couldn’t move. My lungs are crushing, my car is broken, the drivers taht and hit me all drove away. So much pain is going through my body it feels like nothing is happening.

I took a different way then I normally would have taken, just in case Matt came looking for me.

“Matt..” I kept whispering. I’m bleeding everywhere. My head is cracked open. My arm is twisted in ways it shouldn’t be.

I try rolling over, I could not get on my side, but before I feel back down, I felt my stomach. My actually guts. My actual organs were in my hands. I rolled back down in the cold now flooded with blood road.

I see a car roll up towards me. I know that car.

“Matt?” I cough out blood. I can’t see.

“Baby?!” He called 911.

He curled over me. Putting pressure onto my open wounds.

I know better than to pass out, but I give up. I felt my heart beat slow and I fell asleep.

Alseep forever.

~

At the hospital I was out in machines to stay alive. There was 5% taht I would wake up again, but I would not be able to function the way I could before the crash.

Matt stayed with me for days, he never left the hospital grounds he was always there, he showered at home but that was only during non visiting hours.

He would talk to me.

“I know baby.”

“It’s okay. I know you.”

“You can go. I’ll be here doing this for you.”

“I know you.”

[ghosts-and-blue-sweaters]

ghostbur for the bingo :)

YAYYYY GHOSTBUR!!! :D

I have cried over Ghostbur. I have cried. This probably doesn’t sound like much, but I personally hardly ever cry. It is a Momentous Occasion if I shed a tear—which I have done for my love Ghostbur <3 His story is so unbearably tragic and sad and much of it fills me with anger, and just… he really makes me Feel Things. A lot of things.

At this point I sorta wish Ghostbur was my OC 😭 Because then I could give him a canon happy ending that does not involve Limbo or merging with Wilbur. Like. I dislike Both of those things with quite a passion. I want Ghostbur to be mine I want to give him canon soft blankets and canon soup and canon hugs with Friend and canon happiness & healing :( I also get very easily upset over Ghostbur takes that I don’t like, or when I see people mischaracterizing him, and I just feel so protective lol EVEN THOUGH I know he’s not my character! He is simply… so special and dear and beloved to me. I want to protect him :(

Literally my Ghostbur playlist is like 30 hours long okay I am not even joking. If I listen to a song, there is a High chance that I associate it with Ghostbur—a high chance!!! And this isn’t just with music either; I see sweaters, I see blue flowers, I see sheep, I see red hats, I see many many things, and I think of Him <33 My obsession over this little guy is Boundless and I could probably make anything about Ghostbur if I were to think about it enough. I’m half-convinced that every single AJR song could fit Ghostbur.

IF GHOSTBUR WAS REAL- 😭 IF. IF HE WAS REAL! I WOULD WANNA BE FRIENDS WITH HIM SOOOOO BAD!! I WOULD WANNA HUG HIM!! I WOULD WANNA LISTEN TO HIM RAMBLE!! I WOULD WANNA LISTEN TO HIS BEAUTIFUL STRANGE THOUGHTS!! I WOULD WANNA TALK TO HIM!! I WOULD WANNA GO ON WALKS WITH HIM!! I WOULD WANNA HEAR HIM SING!! I WOULD WANNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!! I seriously want to be friends with him so very badly. I am not joking about this.

I really don’t project onto characters that much, but oh. Ghostbur 😭 He’s already an extremely relatable guy to me (a rarity, I hardly ever find characters I relate to) and he’s also become very important & special to me, and I’ve… really accidentally found myself projecting 😅 I did not mean to do this!!! What do you mean he sneezes when he looks at the sun. What do you mean. I didn’t do that. That’s how he came in the box. I’m telling you. Believe me.

His yellow sweater is soooooo <3 I have been wanting to find and buy a yellow sweater that looks like his but I CAN’T FIND A GOOD ONE!!! MISERY!!!

*clings to the one-and-a-half Ghostbur streams that we ever got* Aksgajsgajsgjafs I know he showed up in a lot of other streams, but we didn’t really get much Ghostbur-centric content. A few good things, a few important things, but mostly he was there to talk to others/be friends with others/etc. I wish we could’ve gotten a few more streams because I want to see what his facial expressions were :((

Oooooh boy, snazzy indeed. Yes.

Ghostbur has an entire section of my brain all to himself lol, that’s what it feels like XD I have Other Parts Of My Brain and then I have Ghostbur. He lives there now. He does not pay rent but I don’t care because I’m happy to have him <3 I love this man.

*points* BEAN!!! He is soooo sweet and adorable I just <333

I cannot even tell you how many awful rancid Ghostbur takes I have seen 😭😭 Like… oh they make me angry. They fill me with so much rage. I will rant about these things. Likeeeee it’s super rare for me to find a Ghostbur fan who actually gets his character; most Ghostbur enjoyers have really strange, incorrect ideas about him. It makes me upset :(

HUGS!!! HUGS!!! GIVE THE MAN HUGS!!! LET HIM HUG HIS SHEEP AND BE LOVED!!!!!!

I have so much Ghostbur Knowledge stored away oh my goodness!! <3 I could go on and on for hours about this man, he Does something to me that cannot be contained. I love Ghostbur.

HE REALLY FREAKING FILLS ME WITH THINGS HE MAKES ME FEEL A LOT OF EMOTIONS HE IS SO BRILLIANT AND BEAUTIFUL I JUST AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

But oh my gosh he got so much crap in his canon story and with the fandom oh my gosh. And his ending??! Please. I hate his ending with my whole being it makes me so genuinely upset and I hate it. Very AAAAAAAAH y’know.

[axciea]

Are there any songs you associate with Orly?

Omg I have a gay pining playlist I listen to when I draw and absolutely

-Line without a Hook by Ricky Montgomery

Iggy feels really bad when he remembers all the things he overlooked when they were younger in regards to Genzou’s bullying, felt really dumb about being oblivious to what happened at the after prom when he found Orlam crying at the bus stop, to then realizing what he was doing too late because of his avoidance of his friends. then having to reconcile the Orlam he found in Our Wonderland with what he knew of him because the OW version was the worst version of Orlam born from a culmination of the things that he went through that no one picked up on or cared enough about him to care.

This goes especially hard when Orlam cuts out his own heart to stop feeling or caring and asks everyone what they hated about him which “Was it something I said to make you feel like you’re a burden?” REALLY hits me because he’s not sure how much his inaction really hurt him. And aughfhfhfh ANGST MMMMMM I hate myself but I love making them sad.

-Your Stupid Face by Kayden MacKay

Orlam has a one sided hatred of Iggy at first where he hated that Genzou always put him second to Iggy and then he realizes that Iggy never disliked him. Every lifetime, his feelings about Iggy changes little by little to where he realized that he does in fact, love him. Even after all the things he did in the Wonderland and all the times that Orlam caused his death, Iggy was still willing to be with him afterwards because he loved him and so what if Orlam did a little cannibalism, they did it together and Orlam just doesn’t understand why he just forgave him so easily. (It’s because he loves you idiot)

The Red Means I Love You - Madds Buckley

Orlam and Iggy kill for each other, it’s simple really. Orlam is just a little bit crazy in OW but they’re crazy together and that’s all that matters.

- The Moon Will Sing by the Crane Wives

Okay this isn’t an orly song but I makes me think about the dynamic between Orlam and Genzou where Orlam is singing about what could’ve been with Genzou and he realized that it wasn’t a great relationship but he enjoyed it when the sun shone his light on him and how he felt lost when the light left him.

Here’s the playlist for anyone interested, warning NSFW songs

[inawearyworld]

musings re: wren and the wash crew

(not entirely sure how much time passed within that ynhclt montage, but if it’s enough time for wonka’s chocolate to get super popular, it’s enough time for one disillusioned trophy wife to become a solid part of a found family dynamic)

noodle

• the second the events of chapter iii were over, willy went straight to noodle to make sure she was safe and tell her all about their new ally on the way back to scrubbit’s

• in response he received a flat-out “so, you like her,” followed by a few moments in which the only sound came from the cart he was sitting in as it rolled over the cobblestone streets.

• “…huh?”

• “she’s like the birds we saw tonight, like you said, willy. they want to be free, they just need to see that it’s possible.”

• “that’s what i think too.”

• “and you definitely like her.”

• “…huh.”

• anyway wren absolutely adores her

• the three have this oddly delicate thing going on at first-like the way a younger sibling would react when their older one has their first relationship-but it becomes easier over time bc each of them are sort of all the others have

• she sneaks books from felix’s library, which was mostly used for show before she moved in with him, and brings them to noodle

• and then they talk about what they thought, it’s like a little mini book club

• wren would do just about anything for this girl

lottie

• immediate besties

• Girls With Big Sad Eyes™️ solidarity

• they get lunch together all the time following the events of the plot

• and they go on walks and picnics and stuff and are generally adorable

• each of these little dates breaks the previous one’s record for The GabFest Of The Century

• lottie let wren borrow one of her very few outfits while they were hiding her from scrubbit and she repays the favor by giving her half the clothes in her overfilled wardrobe (the result of two straight years of really, felix, i’m sure i don’t need anoth-yes, i know it’s my responsibility to look-this money could really be-i mean, don’t you think we should use what we have to help the p-sorry, my love, i just meant to say-)

• lottie hums folk songs to herself every so often, and every so often wren joins in on a higher harmony; it’s quiet and simple and beautiful

piper

• as luck would have it, wren’s family back home owned a laundry, so the second she takes her first steps into scrubbit’s washroom (willy had told her of their plight by now) she takes on as much work as she can

• in walks the crew, watching stunned as this woman throws off her hat and gloves and blazer and scrub scrubs with the best of em

• completely focused, she doesn’t even notice people coming in until she hears from behind a bemused “oh, the power of privileged guilt”

• she turns and smiles and pushes her hair out of her face. “hi, i’m wren.”

• the woman she’s facing studies her for a moment, then smiles a little, accepts her very soapy handshake, and the rest is history

• before meeting wren, she thought regarding willy’s stories that this actress was just a planted spy he was naive enough to fall for

• but piper benz is very good at reading people, and she sees that this out-of-breath, smudged-makeup, poised-yet-awkward woman is nothing but genuine. as for wren, she thinks piper is the coolest person she’s ever met.

• their minds are on exactly the same level. when i say the banter is OFF THE CHARTS.

• these women would do anything to protect each other and i’m so sure that piper was a big part of wren coming into her own

• i wanna meet natasha so bad you guys

abacus

• similarly to piper, he didn’t trust her immediately, due to her association with the chocolate cartel

• he is, however, a fan of opera (and they eventually bounce references and snippets of melody off each other all the time)

• once she’s been working with them a while, once a foundation has been built, he confesses that he was disheartened to hear of her marriage-that he knew what they’d want with her, that she deserved better, that he “wished the cartel’s schemings hadn’t claimed such a talent”

• this is touching to her, and she apologizes for not doing more to stop them earlier, then tries to explain

• “i think…i think i used to, at least partially, let myself get swept up. both in naïveté and necessity.”

• he’s quiet for a moment.

• “yes. anything for family, of course.”

• she nods, and he continues:

• “i’m the same way.”

• #GiveTheWashCrewMoreTenderMoments2k24

larry

• the weird fellow-ginger-and-theatre-kid cousin she never had

• she and willy are the new kids, the ones who haven’t heard all of his material, and he for one is delighted with these new ears to practice on

• she helps him get his career back off the ground once they’re all free

• every once in a while you’ll turn the corner to find those two deep in conversation about some facet of the arts or other

• then he’ll turn around and twirl his bowtie and you’ll wonder if it was even the same man

• they trade vocal warmup ideas

• not knowing what else to do, he makes a few terrible jokes at fickelgruber’s expense to cheer her up after the events of chapter iv

• and, despite herself, she laughs

willy

• they often stay up for hours and hours, one carding their fingers through the other’s hair, talking in the dark about their dreams and ideas and random facts and memories and whatever pops into their heads

• she writes him songs and he thinks it’s the best thing in the world

• he simply refuses to involve her in a single bit of his advertising, to exploit her in the same way felix did. but he hangs up posters for her shows all over his shop. they’re so proud of each other

• they dance together. a lot. so much.

• mostly waltzes.

• after months of inner guilt over her dreams of his chocolate-dot freckles, wren can barely believe that she now gets to kiss them and kiss them until she has the whole constellation of his face committed to memory

• they’re so ridiculously in love

anyway. THEY ALL LOVE EACH OTHER AND DEFINITELY KEEP IN TOUCH AFTER THE MOVIE.

FOUND FAMILY. *drops mic*

[leavingdeadgirl]

not a lore ask but since you seem to want to ramble: 1 song you associate with each character and why?

Hi anon ily. I did 2 for the first few sorrgy

Lori:

1. Sin Eater by Penelope Scott. The song displays a strong desire to be good from the singer while also expressing a bit of disdain for someone who seems to be better in every way (and is, fittingly, referred to as the “holy mother god”) while also evidently seeking validation from this person that they feel they won’t or can’t get.

Notable lyrics: “you’re the holy mother god and I aspire to your goodness, but the only thing I have inside to offer is a pit / I suffer just to moan, I scratch my itches to the bone / I keep confessing till I hit the spot from which the guilt emits”

2. I Don’t Smoke by Mitski. Again leading into Lori’s longing to do good and be good, to have friends, to be closer to people. Trying too hard for someone distant.

Notable lyrics: “if you need to be mean, be mean to me / I can take it and put it inside of me / if your hands need to break more than trinkets in your room / you can lean on my arm as you break my heart”

Cody:

1. Habits by Tove Lo. Though Cody doesn’t do drugs (this detail is irrelevant and thus subject to change) or have any addiction issues, the song all in all encompasses the life of someone whose every second is spent trying to find even a moment of happiness, living in a daze trying to forget someone they can’t think about.

Notable lyrics: “spend my days locked in a haze, tryna forget you babe, I fall back down / gotta stay high all my life to forget I’m missing you”

(See also: So Numb by TX2)

2. Gross by Penelope Scott. The song is about a breakup, partially, but I also relate Cody to the other end of it, being about the complicated nature of relationships with people around you when you’re mentally ill and being torn between wanting to push those who love you away and wanting to be able to love and show love to them.

Notable lyrics: “I hate it most when they’re kind, when they have meaningful lives / and I’m the awful one standing next to them” & “I’m never gonna feel good again, I’ve played this game through to the end / I’ll pull the plug or I’ll wait it out, but I don’t need you around / I wish I never met you, I wish I wasn’t a waste / I wish I had the guts to fuck my own life up or the heart to set myself straight”

Jane Doe:

1. Pure as a Lamb by Baby Bugs. While it is about abuse specifically in a religious setting, its depiction of abuse and the specific sort of feeling of betrayal expressed makes me think of her. Not to mention the rather simple language used reminds me of Jane, who was between 5 and 10 and, though she was very good at reading and writing, didn’t speak in especially complex language.

Notable lyrics: “you plucked my petals, just like the devil would do / and if I’m going to hell, I hope that you go too” & “now I feel dirty, look what you did / I wasn’t an object, I was a kid / I’m scarred and mangled, I am used / and all of this because of you”

2. The Ballad of Jane Doe from Ride the Cyclone. While the song goes into how that Jane Doe doesn’t know who she is or the life she lived, that’s not true of my Jane Doe, but the song does go into the plight of a dead girl whose story is left unknown, never to be mourned or remembered.

Notable lyrics: “I’ve got no celebration / just this consolation: / time eats all his children in the end” & “a melody floats through the air / when silence falls, does no one care? / another sad, forgotten tune / another song that no one knows / so that's how it goes”

The Thing:

1. Monster Truck by Jazmin Bean. Angry as fuck song, pretty violent, but all of Jazmin’s stuff matches an aesthetic and a type of music I associate with The Nursery.

Notable lyrics: “I don’t wanna eat the sun (succubus, fuck, suck you straight to the tomb) / I’ve been living on the run (white lined chalk, take it straight to the dome, dome)” & “make it hard, rocket launcher, fuck / fuck your dirt bike, I’ve got a monster truck” & “and this world is a sick fucking joke, just masters and puppets and mirrors and smoke / so fuck it, let’s light it, let’s to / I’m playing with fire, I’m planning to blow”

2. Brutus by The Buttress. Specifically encompasses its relationship to Lori.

Notable lyrics: “my name is Brutus and my name means heavy, so with a heavy heart I’ll guide this dagger into the heart of my enemy / my whole life you were a teacher and friend to me / please know my actions are not motivated only by envy / I too have a destiny / this death will be art / the people will speak of this day from near and afar / this event will be history, and I’ll be great too / I don’t want what you have, I wanna be you”

Emily:

1. Heaven Says. Specifically the Deltarune remix, but I saw a FAITH animation for the song and I’ve associated it with her since

Notable lyrics: “heaven is above / heaven is the answer / life is terror / blood in the machine, you are in danger” & “greater than life / stronger than death / echo around the world / search for the end / answer for your crimes / beg for mercy / take back you control / take back your control / take back your control, control, control, control, control-”

2. Christmas Kids by ROAR. Idk.

Notable lyrics: “the Christmas kids were nothing but a gift / and love is a tower where all of us can live / you change your name or change your mind / and leave this fucked up place behind / but I’ll know / I’ll know”

Sarah Warner:

Class Fight by Melanie Martinez. Sarah was a girl who tended to act out a lot, but always felt totally justified in everything she did and like she was giving people what they deserved when she lashed out or was otherwise doing something good/funny/right.

Notable lyrics: “I wanted to be in her shoes for one day / I just waited till recess to make her pay” & “her face was fucked up and my hands were bloody / we were in the playground, things were getting muddy / the teacher broke us up after I broke her / and my one true love called me a monster”

I don’t have any for the other specific victims but I do have one for all of them:

Fall Fair Suite (the opening) from Ride the Cyclone. All of them dying in “accidents” just makes me think of the RTC kids’ reactions to the accident that killed them, and I think they’d feel similarly.

Notable lyrics: the whole thing, more or less.

[the-bi-space-ace]

for the Bad Batch ask game: 8, 24, 31, and 49! (or just a few of those if you’d prefer :D)

I AM GOING TO ANSWER ALL OF THEM THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR THESE!!

8. What song(s) do you associate with the Bad Batch?

I love this question bc I associate a really weird array of songs with The Bad Batch and I am beyond excited to list them.

I Got You by Devon Cole (tears 🥹)

Mr. Know-It-All by Young The Giant (mainly a Tech song for me)

The Less I Know The Better by Tame Impala

Brother by Kodaline

Don’t Leave Me Alone by David Guetta & Anne-Marie (acoustic)

Human by Jon Bellion

Burn The House Down by AJR

everything i wanted by Billie Eilish (mainly bc it gives me Calling Me Home series Echo vibes tbh oof)

This Was A Home Once by Bad Suns

Older by Alec Benjamin

Bonus Tracks:

Going Home by The Aces

Don’t Freak by The Aces (This one is a bonus bc in my head when I hear this song I have always imagined baby Fives and Echo going to 79s for the first time and Echo not being totally sure how he feels about it and Fives basically going ‘hey, don’t freak out. I’m here, you’re smart and capable. A bar is the easiest mission we’ve ever been on.’ idk I get so much inspiration from music tbh.)

^ The Aces are so feel good and endearing and give good fluff inspiration

24. Do you have any hot or controversial takes?

Oh yeah plenty of them tbh lol

My hottest take? Honestly? I’m super disappointed in how cruel people were to people with Tech Lives theories on this damn site. Not just in the way that I’m sad about *gestures to everything* but I have seen some really nasty takes and have blocked people over them even though they were never directed at me. It shows me who you are when you’re cruel to a stranger over simply *checking my notes* wanting their favorite character to be alive. Some people in the Star Wars fandom are mean as hell. Maybe it’s because I’m fandom old (mid 20s) so I’ve been around for over a decade in fandom spaces but I can say that Star Wars fans can be really really mean compared to other fandoms. That’s more of a problem on reddit (never again) but it happens on tumblr and twitter (which I don’t have any longer but have heard… stories.) My little corner is GREAT. No complaints about this little corner I’ve found myself in but every time I venture out I see some shiiiiiiiiit and it takes me a minute to remember that this fandom can be really volatile. This is supposed to be fun. I say my piece, I agree or disagree with other people’s piece. Then I move on. I won’t argue. It ain’t my style. I get really upset when I see people being downright nasty to each other over fandom stuff. Stop it.

Also. Listen. I started in the Teen Wolf and Merlin fandoms in high school. There’s a lot of great stuff to use from those shows but canon was rarely awesome. I got used to letting the fandom do the work, fans shipping everything under the sun, and making up wild plotlines that wouldn’t actually make sense because who even knows what’s going on in the actual show anymore. Fandoms are wild and I like different opinions and different content and everything coming together in a way that is both weird and wonderful. Sometimes people want the entire fandom to like exactly what they like and get really aggressive with other fans over it. That is not my vibe. If I see something I don’t like then it isn’t for me and I move on! Enough said.

Instead of moving on, blocking tags, or blocking users many fans straight up call people names! Start arguments! Post cruel things! It’s stupid! I’ll say it, it’s stupid as hell! Just block shit, man! You can’t control other people. Protect your peace and block stuff you don’t like. I promise it’ll feel better <3

(that was so long I’m so sorry I needed to get that off of my chest so bad lol)

31. What other Star Wars characters (regardless of the timeline) do you think would be BFFs with each Batcher?

(This’ll be fun bc I know very little of the greater Star Wars Universe so some of these are based just on ✨vibes✨)

Omega and Leia Organa! I loved the Kenobi show and I just think these two would get along SO DAMN WELL.

Hunter and…. I’m going to be honest I thought about this over night and I STILL can’t pick somebody. I need to watch more Star Wars

Tech and Luke Skywalker. Flying! Ships! Podracing! This is the only thing I know of Luke Skywalker! They’d bond over this and make ships go faster together so they’d be besties.

Crosshair and Merrin. In the way that I think he’d look at her like she hung the moon and the stars because she’s so cool and she’s scary and Crosshair appreciates intimidating people and would want to see all of the things she can do with her magic even though he’s kind of terrified of her. (I’m projecting, I love Merrin.)

Echo and Cal Kestis. This is an inspired choice, I feel. Cal has a really big connection to protecting people and Echo WOULD LOVE to work with him to protect people from the Empire (play Jedi: Fallen Order 👀)

Wrecker and Chewbacca. Wrecker really thrived in that episode with the wookiees and I think he’d have a great time with Chewbacca.

49. What has been your favorite part about being in the fandom?

All of my friends!!! I’ve made a lot of great friends in the past two years and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s not very easy for me to make friends, if I’m being honest, so having friends that I talk to about the clones and star wars and fic ideas means a lot to me. It is the ultimate draw for me. I love talking to people about things I love, hearing everyone’s opinions, seeing everyone write and create art and do deep dive analysis. I love seeing people run role play blogs and come up with ask games. I love love love the fun parts of fandom just existing. Seeing people get excited about ideas and share them with others and create gifs and have fun. That absolutely has my heart. We’re all just here trying to express ourselves and that is something I think gets overlooked sometimes. This is something we do in our free time. We’re here because we want to be, not because we have to be. It’s a beautiful thing, to find connection over a shared love of something, and I love that. It’s kind of the same thing I love about concerts. Concerts are a unique place where it’s acceptable to have big emotional reactions with other people over the shared love of the music being played for you. For one night you aren’t just a fan of a band standing in a room listening to some people sing at you. You’re a part of the crowd, experiencing a million different emotions all in the same moment but not one of you is feeling the exact same way as the person next to you. It’s a wonderful thing to experience. This fandom, my little corner of it at least, feels about the same. We’re all experiencing life differently, different day to day things, different upbringings, different opinions, likes, and dislikes. But we’re all here, watching the same thing, and coming away with different emotions and opinions.

I think that’s beautiful.

Link To The Ask <3

[darkshrimpemotions]

I’m an Nandermo shipper and listen to Taylor, too!

As a Swiftie and Nandermo shipper, are there any songs you associate with the two of them? What would your Nandermo(TV) look like?

What a delightful ask! There are absolutely songs I associate with them in Taylor's body of work! Thank you for giving me this opportunity to gush about it!

In the interest of not going WAY overboard (there are SO many songs where I could relate just a line or two, but those lines really HIT), here are 13 songs that scream Nandermo (Taylor's Version) to me, and a little about why for each song/the line(s) that really sealed it for me.

tolerate it - Just sad Memo hours. Pay attention to him, Nandor! Show him some appreciation! I listen to this and just picture Nandor reading while Guillermo tries to talk to him, Nandor rebuffing Guillermo's attempts at hugs, Nandor saying "not you Guilermo" and taking all his hard work as a familiar for granted. The bridge of this one KILLS me when I imagine it coming from Guillermo.

You're Losing Me (From The Vault) - More sad Memo hours. I've been trying to make a whole fanvid to this for months now, but I keep getting stuck on what clips to use for some parts and I can't look at it anymore. The whole song being underlined by/referencing heartbeats definitely contributed a lot to this pick lol.

Would've, Could've, Should've - Yet more sad Memo hours. There's quite a lot of that on my Nandermo TV, unfortunately. :((( The religious imagery, the reference to being 19 (around when Memo and Nandor would've first met), the themes of loss of faith/loss of innocence/corruption. Oof.

Let's Go (Battle) - That's right, some unreleased songs made it on here! But would it even be a Nandermo playlist without a reference to their fights? This one is Memo, not eager to use his slayer powers against Nandor, but more than willing if Nandor pushes him too far/doesn't give him another choice. "We had it all but you couldn't keep a promise" also fits rather well, unfortunately.

Cold As You - Alas, sad Memo hours once more. I promise some of these are from Nandor's perspective. "You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray / and I stood there loving you and wished them all away / And you come away with a great little story / of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you." This one always makes me think of Guillermo begging Nandor not to leave for the Wellness Center or go into Super Slumber. :((

Haunted (Taylor's Version) - You'd think this would be all Memo to Nandor, but no. This is both of them throughout seasons 4 and 5. If I had to parse it out, I'd say verse 1 is Nandor during season 4/5, second verse is Guillermo during season 4 especially, and the bridge is Nandor when he's processing that Guillermo was turned by someone else (that awful moment when he's like "a vampire...who was not...me?").

The Last Time (feat. Gary Lightbody) (Taylor's Version) - Guillermo when he's making one last-ditch effort to communicate with Nandor before he goes off to get Derek to turn him at the end of season 4.

Bad Blood (Taylor's Version) - Nandor's period of vengeful brooding once he realizes that Guillermo was turned by someone other than him. I actually have TWO versions of this song on my Nandermo playlist on Spotify, neither of which is the original artist lol. I love the original, I just wanted a different vibe for that playlist. But on Nandermo TV it's obviously gotta be Taylor's Version!

I'd Lie - Another unreleased song! This is really both of them, because they both deny how much they mean to each other at various points in the story. Not every lyric fits perfectly, but the ones that don't can be handwaved so easily (Nadja is like a sister to Nandor, right? Basically? And Nandor's favorite color may not be green but Guillermo wears it all the damn time, so it could easily be his).

You All Over Me (feat. Marren Morris) (From The Vault) - Both of them about each other. They just can't untangle themselves, can they? Every time Guillermo leaves, he ends up right back by Nandor's side as soon as Nandor calls. And every time Nandor swears he's going to go do something different, he ends up back with Memo. Even though neither of them are getting exactly what they want from the other, even though it's like death by a thousand cuts (heh), they'd rather have less than they want than nothing at all.

So It Goes... - They're so messy and obsessy and what is this if not the messy obsessy love/lust song? "I'm so chill but you make me jealous. But I got your heart skip-skipping when I'm gone." "You did a number on me, but honestly baby who's counting? / I did a number on you, but honestly baby who's counting?" In-fucking-deed!

Afterglow - Nandor trying to reach out to Guillermo and mend the rift between them for ALL OF SEASON 5!!! (I'm still not over it.) "It's so excruciating to see you low / just wanna lift you up and not let you go / this ultraviolet morning light below / tells me this love is worth the fight."

Daylight - This will be theirs when Nandor finally gets his shit together and figures out that missing his humanity and being lonely are part and parcel of the same thing and, frankly, have the same antidote of being honest about his feelings and letting the person who's been there this whole time finally get close. "I've been sleeping so long in a 20-year dark night / now I'm wide awake / and now I see daylight." "I once believed love would be burning red / but it's golden like daylight."

BONUS TRACKS (because you know our girl loves a bonus track!)

Foolish One (Taylor's Version) (From The Vault) - This one ALMOST made the cut, but for the lyric "he just wasn't the one." This playlist was already so Sad Memo Hours heavy, and also I believe Nandor IS the one for Guillermo. They just need to figure it out.

I Knew You Were Trouble (Taylor's Version) - Now it's angry Memo hours! Some thoughts during the Freddie-Marwa debacle, I think. "And the saddest thought / comes creeping in / that you never loved me, or her, or anyone / or anything."

Thank you again for this ask! It was so much fun!

[crashdevlin]

Leftoverture 5- Still a Blind Man

Author’s Note: Don’t get me wrong, I loved the finale, but I was thinking about how much I miss Dean and I couldn’t stop thinking about ways I could have him back so…I’m going canon divergent while being as close to canon as possible. ‘Cause that’s how Cassie do. Leftoverture crosses over with Crash Into Me !

Summary: Dean throws in the towel a lot faster than Sam would like. Something's not quite right about Crash giving in and Sam's going to figure it out if Dean won't.

Pairing: Dean x OFC (Crash)

Word count: 1986

Story Warnings: angst, Post-barn scene sads, mentions of major character deaths (Dean and AU!Sam), mentions of depression and suicidal thoughts, memory fuckery, Chuck being an asshole, lots of pain and horribleness, mentions of brainwashing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sam came into the garage as Dean pulled in, obviously expecting to welcome his sister-in-law and step-niece home. His face fell when Dean got out of the car and slammed the door.

"What happened? Where's Cassie?"

"She stayed in Florida," Dean snapped. "With Chuck."

Sam's eyes went wide. "What?"

"Yeah. Apparently, Chuck cozied up to her parents and moved into Crash's room after we let him live." Dean stomped toward the stairs. "He's been calling himself 'Erik' and got in her head about our relationship and her self-esteem has taken a dive because that's always been an issue for her and he knows exactly what issues she has 'cause he's Chuck!"

"Wait, but...but you're alive so why wouldn't she-"

"Because he made her think that we were only together because he wrote it!" He had to take a deep breath to control his emotions about it. "Which is bullshit! Chuck might have pushed her into my life, but he didn't make her the woman I fell for. He didn't...I mean, he wrote circumstances! He didn't write personalities! He didn't write the way she kissed me or how she sings or how she always puts every single person in the world in front of herself and how she never shoulda fallen for a fuck-up like me or…"

He sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "She told me to leave. Not even for the kid's wellbeing or to keep from having to deal with my next inevitable demise...Chuck said he was the only reason a woman like her ended up with a guy like me and she ate it up. She downed it like poison and turned in on herself immediately. It was like he confirmed every fear and suspicion she had about our relationship and it...I shouldn’t have even gone. She was better off…" Dean clicked his tongue against his teeth and started down the stairs. "Better off thinking I was dead."

"Dean, get out of the damn pity party for a minute, okay?" Sam followed him into the Bunker. "If you hadn't gone, if you hadn't let her know you’re alive, you wouldn't know that Chuck had infiltrated her life. What are you going to do abou-"

"Nothing." Dean turned in the hallway, looking up at his brother. "I'm not gonna do anything. She knows who he is and what he's done and she sent me home. She made her choice."

"Choice? What choice?"

"To believe him! To look at our whole relationship and boil it all down to one moment that Chuck created, one situation where he pushed her out of her norm, and decide that everything after that was him!" He scoffed. "Every night I laid awake thinking about her smile, every dream I had about some balance of domestic bliss and hunting with her, every song I can't listen to anymore without thinking of her, every dumb green witch or Vegas lights, frickin' Tombstone I associate with her too, but fuck, it was all Chuck, right? It was Chuck that made me fall in love with her."

His whole posture went from anger and fire to dejected and depressed. "Whatever. Chuck can have her."

"You don't mean that," Sam disputed.

Dean gave a sad smile. "You remember when she was with Mike? He would put her down, make her feel bad about herself, encourage her bad habits and self-destruction. 'Tween him and Chuck...seems like she's got a type and I'm not it." He started down the hallway toward his room. "I'm gonna go get a few hours. I've gotta be at the firehouse at seven."

"Dean. Wait a-"

"It's probably better this way. Bunker's no place for kids, anyway."

"This is bullshit," Sam growled. "You were looking for a reason not to bring her home with you!"

"She chose to stay!" Dean called back as he turned the corner. "Speaks volumes."

Sam shook his head, pulling his phone out. "I'm calling her!"

"Tell her I made it home safe!" Dean shouted before slamming his door shut.

~~~~

Sam sighed as he looked down at his phone. She didn't answer. He called four times and she didn't answer once. His sister was avoiding his calls, there was no other reason she wouldn't answer. He had to hope she would read a text.

Dean got home and said you chose to stay in Florida with Chuck and I just don’t understand why. Will you please call me back to explain this?

He set the phone on the table and ran his hand through his hair.

"I'm not sure when I'll be back," Dean said, walking into the library as he adjusted his white Lebanon Fire Department polo shirt. "But I'll bring beer when I come home."

"Dean, you can't just carry on like--like you aren't in agony about-"

"Watch me." Dean's tone was nothing more than a challenge, his face as hard as stone. "I'll be home tonight."

"He has your daughter." Sam stood and looked across the library. Dean bit his lip and looked at the floor. "Chuck has Aria. Even if you don't care about Cassie, and I know you're trying to convince yourself of that, you definitely care about what happens to that little girl. With Chuck in her life...and Mike still in her life...what do you think is gonna happen to her?"

Dean swallowed and gave his head a single shake before he started walking toward the garage. "Doesn't matter. She's not my daughter. Her step-daddy got killed saving two other little kids."

"If she's not your daughter, then I'm not your brother," Sam called after him. Dean stopped in the hallway. "Can't have it both ways, Dean. Either you are Dean, and everything that was his is yours, or you're not. You gotta make up your mind."

Sam watched Dean's shoulders tense, then release before he walked away. He scratched at his brow as his brother's form disappeared. "What do I do, Dean?" he whispered before picking up his phone and trying to text his sister-in-law again.

~~~~~~~~~

Three days of Cassie ignoring his calls and texts, and Dean ignoring that there was an issue, drove Sam to a slightly extreme option.

"Hello?" a soft, high-pitched voice answered the phone.

"Hey, Aria. It's Uncle Sam."

"I know. I saw it on the phone. Hi, Uncle Sam."

"Oh. I wasn't sure if you had my number in your contacts." He cleared his throat. "I've been trying to get a hold of your mom and she's not answering her phone. Do you know where she is?"

"She's in Erik's room. He's helping her meditate."

"She's-" Sam pushed his hair out of the way and looked around, despite the fact that Dean was out of the Bunker. "She's alone with Erik?"

"Yeah. He helps Mum meditate every day." She sighed dramatically and it almost made Sam smile. "She's weird when she gets done though. I'm sorry if that's mean to say that."

"What do you mean?"

"She walks weird and talks all slow and she's like when she drinks beers."

"Beers? Like she's drunk?"

"Yeah. Like when her and Dean would sit in the Dean Cave and have drinks and watch movies and she would get kinda wobbly but not sick wobbly? That's what she's like after."

Sam could hear worry in the young girl's voice. "Oh, okay. I'm...I'm sure that's just how the meditation is affecting her," he tried to soothe her. "She is probably just really relaxed after."

"Okay."

"Can you tell me if your mom has been acting weird other than just after meditation with Ch--Erik?"

"Um...she's dressing up a lot...and wearing makeup again, but all the time, not just when she's going out."

"Is, uh, is Erik your mom's boyfriend?" Sam didn’t want to know the answer, but he felt that he needed to know so that he could give Dean the full picture.

"I saw him kiss her."

"Right." Sam was more than a little upset that Dean's jealous assumption was right. "Um...that’s okay. Can you...do you know how to text?"

"Yeah."

"Do me a favor; if you see your mom acting really weird, text me."

"So she doesn't hear me on the phone with you?"

"So Erik doesn't hear," Sam corrected.

"Okay."

"Thank you."

"I miss Dean. Is he ever coming back?"

Sam ran his hand through his hair and sighed. "I'm working on it, sweetie."

"Okay. I hope you get him back soon. Mum isn't the same without him."

"Me either." Sam looked up at the ceiling and sighed. "I'll fix this. Just keep an eye on your mom for me, okay?"

"Okay!"

"Bye, Aria."

"Bye, Uncle Sam," she whispered before the call disconnected.

~~~~~~~~

"Dean, we need to talk." Sam had the words prepared, he just needed his brother to actually listen to them.

Dean shook his head, not looking up from his sheet of firefighter radio codes.  "Nope."

"Just listen, then." Sam sat down across from him, hoping Dean would give eye contact, but not being given the satisfaction. "I called Aria's phone and-"

Dean's eyes snapped up. "You what?"

"I called Aria's phone," Sam repeated. "And she misses you. She misses who her mom is with you. She wants to come back."

"She's a ten year old. She's fine without me."

"No, she's not. She's not fine and neither is Cassie. She's--she's weird. Aria said Cassie is weird since Chuck's been around. I think he's doing something to her."

Dean looked back down, putting back up his defenses. "I'm sure he's fucking her by now. She never has had much resistance to a guy who thinks he's God's gift and treats her like crap. This one just happens to be God."

"D-Dean, that's...what the fuck is wrong with you?"

Dean looked up with a tired expression on his face. "What do you want from me, Sam? I died. She left. Chuck got his sights on her. She moved on with him...sent me home to…"

"Did she say she moved on with him? Or did she want you to be with her?" Dean shook his head dismissively but Sam continued before he could argue. "Because Aria says Erik has been helping Cassie meditate. I think he's been fucking with her head and if I'm right, you are leaving her to be controlled by Chuck just like we were controlled our whole damn lives!"

Dean ran his hand down his face. "I don't think so. She looked clear to me. Yeah, she was excited to see me and then she lied and said that 'Erik' was just a nice guy living in her old room and then she chose to stay-"

"What if she didn't know she was lying? What if he's brainwashing her? We've seen that normal humans can do massive damage to a person's psyche with the right psych knowledge and a bit of magic assistance. Chuck would know-"

"Why would he even do that?" Dean argued. "He didn't know I was coming back, he didn't write it, so he couldn't have set this up to punish me."

"Maybe it's a power trip. I just know that this isn't just Cassie falling victim to her poor self worth. She's fallen victim to him."

"Yeah, that's a nice, convenient, coincidence, but I think you're missin' the horse for the zebra." Dean stood, snatching the paper off of the table. "She moved on. She's allowed to do that. Let 'er move on."

"I don't think I can do that." Sam stood and headed in the direction of the garage. "And I don't know how you can."

"Leave it alone!" Dean called after him.

Sam didn’t respond as he picked up his bag of clothes and tossed it in the back of the old pickup truck. He had to know, one way or the other, what the hell was going on in Walton.

~~~~~

The Kitchen Sink Tags- @flamencodiva @sacriceria @lyarr24 @440mxs-wife @nancymcl @stephv213 @mariekoukie6661 @beachy2014 @alwayskeepfightingsweetheart @cosicas-cuquis @queenoftheunderdark @myheartbelongsintz @squirrelnotsam @akshi8278 @muhahaha303 @agirlwithdemonblood

[thisiskatsblog]

harry & louis have clearly broken up and it's time to accept that, my guess is 2014, early 2015 & they kept the larry shit up until 2016 (the coded messages or whatever) to keep us from being disappointed by it but now it's time to just let it go, they clearly don't want us in fandom and have made that clear time and time again, and it's not good or healthy for lgbtq+ people to stan people who clearly dislike them (both have shown signs they dislike larries, harry recently with his actions ie. taking known larrie things and using them in different contexts like giving his blue bandana to his friend, saying songs we associate with larry is about gemma, etc. and louis with another denial, it's obvious they've been showing contempt for us), it's healthy for all of us lgbtq+ people to just let them go and find other celebrities to focus on, it's torture to stan someone closeted when you're lgbtq+, it's not good for our mental health, even you are stressed and struggling with it so larries need to stop encouraging people to become part of us and just leave for our own good and the good of our mental wellbeing, harry and louis are evil villain gays and have made their beds, now they need to lie in them, we supported them, we created a safe space (despite interviewers and media and others claiming it was harry lol no honey that was all us), we made (most) of the fandom lgbtq+ friendly (you can hear that by the cheers and screams harry gets when he says "we're all a little bit gay" and does gay shit on stage etc) yet they still haven't or won't come out despite all we have done to prove it's safe and welcome for them to do so, whatever we have done is not enough and it never will be so we need to put ourselves first and stop investing our time, energy and money into them.

That’s one way of explaining things for yourself but I’m not sure if it’s the only way or the best way.

There’s definitely been references to a relationship between Louis and Harry since 2016 and in the years after that I actually did have the impression the support was much wanted. There has since been a shift, for sure, but it’s really up to every individual LGBTQ person in this fandom to decide how they want to deal with that.

To be honest, I’ve been receiving anons trying to stop me from “queerbaiting LGBTQ fans into a hostile environment” since long before 2016. But that was and still is a complete misunderstanding of the situation (and of what queer baiting is for that matter). No one lured in the LGBTQ fans. They were already here.

And the safe space that we’ve created, together with Harry, and with Louis - because I think their seemingly positive reactions certainly helped - that’s something I believe we did for those LGBTQ fans first and foremost. It was a positive and constructive outlet for all the frustrations which made the space safer for us.

And yes, we did “our part”, we did so much. If they haven’t come out it doesn’t mean we didn’t do enough. That’s not how coming out works, at all. Creating a safe space doesn’t create any obligation for any queer person to anything.

“Every queer person has the right to come out on their own terms and on their own timeline. They also have the right to choose not to come out at all.”

I repeat: if they haven’t come out,it doesn’t mean we didn’t do enough.

We know that we did, we know we did the right thing, and we know we did all we could.

If the “results” are disappointing compared to the expectations that may have (inadvertently) been created then that is sad, but I don’t believe it deserves anger.

What is more, i really think what we did made a big difference, for so many people in the fandom and, I believe, also for them. Harry picks up flags night after night. Louis’ shows has rainbow lights.

I honestly think that the rainbows in the fandom gave them a means to express themselves in a way that feels comfortable to them without having to say the words and if that is the case then I really think that is valuable.

But again - it was never just about them - it was always for queer fans first and foremost and those queer fans have become so much more visible and so much more comfortable in this fandom. And I think that is really valuable too.

Also I don’t agree that rainbows mean “it’s safe to come out”. It is safer. It never is completely safe. That’s societal homophobia for you. People have many reasons not to come out.

So I think every LGBTQ person in this fandom should make an assessment for themselves: does being here make me happy or not .

If it doesn’t, then by all means, draw your line in the sand.

[metaldragoon]

Well, I was tagged by @lordsky4ever​ to shuffle and list the first 10 songs on my playlist and post them, and I don’t want to let my countryman down.  I spent like an hour listening and writing about every song AND NOW it appears I cannot add music to a post on Desktop, so I made a separate post with those songs on my phone and then thought I’d edit in what I wrote after, but I also cannot do that on desktop.  A miserable disconnect.  Anyways, BELOW THE CCUT! you can read what I wrote about my post you just scrolled past if you want.  Thankfully the add music feature puts the songs in backwards order so everything I wrote is in opposite order so it’ll either start or end really inconveniently depending on how you read/listen, if anyone does such a thing, which I don’t expect anyone to because 10 songs is a lot and I would never do that as I find Tumblr’s music player/Spotify extension to be both inconvenient. But, perhaps you at least know one or two songs already and can read my small thoughts on that, even though half of the songs I don’t really have anything to say about it.

1. Counting Stars by Sugarcult - One of the most depressing songs of my life! I don’t recall the specifics of what I did when I first listened to it but I know who I have a lot of associated thoughts with regarding this song.  It’s a go-to whenever I’m sad and want to just continue to being sad.  I know I originally liked some other song by them called “Bouncing Off The Walls” which is probably what lead me to listening to more by them, but BOTW (I don’t think that acronym is used for anything else) is a much more upbeat song as the band is in general, and I don’t think I really vibe with much of their other songs. 2. Psychotubes by Moon Hooch - I know nothing about this band, this is just some Spotify suggested song that I really liked.  They’re described as “jazz fusion/nu jazz” but I have no idea what either of those genres mean.  They be drumming and saxophoning and it’s a good song to run to (this entire playlist was my go-to running playlist when I used to have CELLULAR DATA) 3. Low by Cracker - Kind of a grungy country rock song, reading their Wiki which is what I think I will do with every band while I listen through all these songs and speak my thoughts, it appears to be their most popular song. I do find myself particularly disliking the band name Cracker, seems like I am on to some confederate jams or something.  Spotify has already subjected me to two ad segments over 3 songs. 4. Wait and Bleed by Slipknot - I didn’t really listen to Slipknot until after high school although I would say I am a pretty big fan now, but this is the one song I consistently listened to before the rest of Slipknot presented themselves to me.  I remember in Gr. 9/10 there was a hot emo girl named Michelle that I had a crush on and always thought about when I listened to this song because the lyrics go inside “my shell” I wait and bleed but I thought it was “Michelle.” In the end I don’t believe I ever spoke to her in my life because I am a social recluse 5. Ghosts by the Presets - Another band I don’t know anything about, or at least the name “Presets” but they have a very generic pop sound that I was a little embarrassed about because I thought it might be like Coldplay or something.  Apparently they are Australian and very popular.   6. Kill Your Darlings by Mesh - I don’t know Mesh either, but I do find this song really good.   I’m confused because they have 7 albums on Wiki but they’re all red links and despite being British are just popular in Germany.  Maybe I need to get on the .de to figure out more. 7.  Shutterbug by Big Boi - Apparently this song came out in 2010 which feels weird I thought it was way older.  Anyways, I love it, one of my favourite beats and a lot of times it was the first song I sought out whence beginning my trots. 8. We Will Rock You by Queen - I remember as a kid I was convinced this song was in Final Fantasy IX but later learned that was just Kuja’s boss theme which isn’t terribly similar.  I think it’s a pretty funny song but I won’t lie it still pumps me up. 9. Never Come Down by Cunninlynguists -  I think it was two years ago I finally listened to Cunninlynguists, who I’d heard of a while ago ‘cuz their name stands out but is also kind of dumb so I never bothered, but I was really hooked once I did hear.  This isn’t my favourite song and my one hater friend criticised me for listening to them ‘cuz they do dumb lyrics I guess but I’m a big fan.  I played a lot of TRACKMANIA while listening to them.   10. peacefall by Purity Ring - Mmm I was sad one day and it was pouring out in the middle of the nights so I took a very long walk and I posted a video of the rain on here and I was listening to this song looping when I did that.  I only know like 3 songs by Purity Ring and they seem amazing but I’m bad about actually remembering to listen to bands.  I’ve been thinking a lot about songs to use for an AMV for Berserk if I ever did one and this song has been a heavy contender.

[grapefruiters]

What's the best song you just discovered? The latest one you listened to? Would you rather bake your own favorite dessert or order it at a fancy patisserie? Do you have any clothing with a fantastic Texture? Do you have a favorite constellation, and do you know the myth associated with it? (Personally, though it isn't my favorite constellation, I'm obsessed with the story of Cassiopeia.) What's the color of your favorite blanket/comforter? Have you named anything nonliving (a plant, a plushie, a rock) recently? If you could go to any planet, which would you want to visit?

Sending you so much love 💛

wow ty for this ask it means a lot! let me answer these questions numerically

i really like the song 14th street by rufus wainwright, rufus wainwright seems to have more songs than most artists that just fill me with light and make me feel wonder at what music can be! jamming out to it every day this month

heard this cover of why try to change me now by fiona apple on house md and i over it immediately it’s really sad but nice in a classic fiona manner and i will be listening to it a lot i can tell

definitely order it! i like baking/cooking in theory but in reality it stresses me out and after minutes or hours or making things i often end up devouring the end product in seconds because im just too exhausted. so it's a fun thing but i do like ordering something and knowing it's going to turn out well and i'll be able to really savor it! idk what my favorite dessert is but rn i could go for a nice warm pain au chocolat

aghh no not rlly! however on a related note i love sunglasses so so much and im wearing them tomorrow as part of a thing! i love sunglasses they look so cool (literally the emoji for cool) and they make the world dark theyre just amazing in every way

i really like orion, it’s one of the easiest to find for me and i do vaguely know the story! i know he was a man part of artemis’ hunters for a while before he did something bad and she killed him or turned him into a bear or smth… pretty interesting story iirc i wish i remember ed it better! but really this constellation just reminds me of the time my grandfather showed me how to a find it…a really nice memory :)

it’s just white because there’s no cover and it’s lowkey gross and i need to wash it 😭 but it’s sooo so comfy i sleep with it it every night and it’s nice and warm but also breezy!

no i’m not rlly an object namer! However! so my sisters name is anneliese (“ann-uh-lease”) and she’s always gone by her full name but lately i’ve been dedicated to only calling her by ridiculous nicknames including but not limited to: annie, nellie, lili, ellie, elle, lisa, anna, ann, leese, lizzy, lulu, etc. in response she has started calling me RaRa 😭

i would want to visit right here on earth cause it’s the coolest + i love antarctica and the grand canyon and thermal springs etc etc! but also i think pluto would be rlly cool cause it’s so small and far away and we know so little about it!

ty for the ask and long task of answering these questions it was rlly fun 💕 sending love ur way as well

[jittyjames]

FUN TAG GAME!!! LETS GO!

january- this love (taylor’s version)- taylor swift. LETS GO?!? PLS. lemme have this.

february- writer in the dark- lorde. ooo :((( guys we broke up already. BUT THE SONG PREDICTS GOOD CONTENT FOR YOU GUYS SOO!!

march- right where you left me- taylor swift. obv not taking the breakup well. also this is the month i turn 21, so will probably be able to relate to watching everyone move on while feeling stuck in place. PREDICTIONS!

april- nothing you can take from me- rachel zegler. slayyyy. maybe i’ll embrace my appalachian roots more or sumn. OR FINISH MY HUNGER GAMES AU!!

may- make me feel- janelle monáe. oh we’re so there for a sexy sapphic summer

june- like real people do- hozier. another fling it seems!!! mayhaps with someone as fucked up as me!!! i will not ask you where you came from, i will not ask and neither should you!!!

july- enchanted (taylor’s version)- taylor swift. oh. oh. oh pls. this is that song i associate with a person™️ whom i adore more than anything. and who i have pined over for a good part of this year. THEMMMM. LEMME MELT OVER THEM FOR A MOMENT. this better be a good sign.

august- francesca- hozier. a— another song i associate with this person??? if i could hold you for a minute, darling i would do it again. FACTS. ok this is feeding into my delusional pining. claiming this tho that they’ll finally realize…

september- vienna- billy joel. awww :)) one of my favorite songs. this will be around the time i’m starting a personal life change that i’ve been working towards for years. maybe this song will remind me to not be so neurotic and chill instead. putting myself before my goals might actually come through when i need it most.

october- tiny dancer- elton john. AWWW. but tiny dancer… i’m not really sure what this one could predict??? more relationship stuff??

november- landslide- fleetwood mac. oooo seems we’re having a 70s streak here which is a vibe. i would love to have a 70s autumn in 2024. once again, i’ll be living a very different life at this time next year probably and it will be very exciting and sad at the same time so :(((

december- secret for the mad- dodie. ending the year on a hopeful note?? the thought of being in a better place this time next year after having a series of horrible decembers literally makes me wanna cry omg. this whole song just is dkdjdndk. sobbin. there will be a day you can say you’re okay and mean it. i promise you it will all make sense again.

OK REALLY CLAIMING ALL OF THIS. IM NOT EVEN GOING TO HOPE FOR 2024 TO BE A GOOD YEAR BC EVERY TIME I DO I GET TRAUMATIZED IN THE MOST BIZARRE WAYS. BUT THESE ALL SOUND 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻 VERY NICE TAG GAME ALEX!!!

no pressure tags!!! @kaitzey @cecescomposition @firebalda @crys-sp

i wanna start a tag game so: let your spotify predict your 2024!

shuffle your on repeat playlist, and the first twelve songs represent your 2024

january- guns and ships- hamilton (idek what this could represent but okay)

february- we fell in love in october- girl in red (PLEASE)

march- say no to this- hamilton (…i have nothing to say about this)

april- castles crumbling- taylor swift ft hayley williams (damnit sad month then?)

may- you’re losing me- taylor swift (FUCK TWO SAD MONTHS?? breakup songs are even worse now that im actually in a relationship. please. better not be accurate)

june- astronomy- conan gray (please stop why am i having so many sad songs)

july- stoned- ed sheeran (oh fuck this)

august- new year’s day- taylor swift (hm okay. idk what to say about this)

september- heather- conan gray (i consider heather to be a happy song AND it’s mine and my partners song so i’m taking this as a good one)

october- 18- one direction (yessss we’re going okay now)

november- king of my heart- taylor swift (YESSS)

december- all too well (ten minute version)- taylor swift (i take it back ugh)

no pressure tags!!- @autumnleavesforwinter @weeping-in-the-willows @swiftieannah @felizusnavidad @jittyjames @anixknowsnothin (please help me get this off the ground, but also if this flops you saw nothing)

[aminiatureworld]

Small Bits of Memory

Characters: Scaramouche, gn!reader

Word Count: 1,531

Warnings: None

Premise: Little moments between Scaramouche and the reader.

Author’s Note: Warning, I’m not caught up on the archon quest. I did skim the wiki (which made me kinda sad ngl), but if there are inaccuracies, that’s why. I also may have made Scaramouche a bit sappy because of this.  

I took “comfort” to mean “hurt/comfort” so if some of these are a bit melancholic it’s because angst brain does not turn off.

Scaramouche

Scaramouche is well familiar with nightmares. He knows the feeling of opening yours eyes in the dark, not moving, not crying out or sitting up; simply opening your eyes as the latent fear of your dreams finally catch up with you and finally your breathing starts to speed in your chest, as your finally realize how afraid you were. Thus on the first night he wakes to you staring intently at the darkness around you, still to the point of stiffness, he automatically understands what’s going on.

At first he’s too scared to wrap his arms around you, afraid that you’ll find the action frightening, or that you’ll instinctively reject him. He only reaches out his hand, secretly relieved when you entwined your fingers within his. Feeling vaguely sentimental in his tired state he whispers: “I’ll protect you from the dark, so stop staring and go back to sleep.” He hopes that you won’t tease him about it tomorrow, as some small part of him knows that it was a very silly thing to say.

Afterwards he grows a little bolder, inching closer to you, then letting one arm rest on your shoulder, fingers featherlight on your skin. Thankfully your penchant for nightmares isn’t too great, so it’s about two months before he wakes up the next day to his arms wrapped around you, you nestled within his sleepy embrace. Seeing you sleeping peacefully after the look of uncomprehending panic plastered across your features the night before calms him like few other things, and he sighs peacefully, letting his eyes flit closed once more. The two of you sleep in that day.

Scaramouche always panics slightly whenever you get hurt. It could be a paper cut, it could be a bruise, it could be a battle injury, his response is relatively similar each time. You might squirm as he cleans your cut off for the third time in ten minutes, assuring him that you aren’t going to die, but he isn’t truly listening to you. There’s a glazed look in his eyes, and it takes him a few moments to register that you’re calling his name. You worry about it sometimes, you wonder what might happen if you were to truly injure yourself. You hope he wouldn’t blame himself too much. Scaramouche has a surprising penchant towards self-flagellation, when he’s not telling himself that he’s superior to everyone around him.

Scaramouche has never horsed around in a river, never experienced a snowball fight, never watched a sunrise for the sake of it. He was not created for such things after all. It’s hard for him to imagine enjoyment in the little pieces of universal humanity, perhaps because he feels somehow separated from such a privilege. You start keeping a list of these sorts of things, small moments to enjoy. He finds the idea silly at first, but gradually grows to like the experience. Perhaps not the individual activities, but the experience as a whole. He might not understand the “universal human experience” as you call it, but the snow against his skin is cold and clear, and the sun looks like fire in the sky, and you’re smiling next to him, and all is well in the world.

Scaramouche doesn’t have much attachment to Inazuma, considering it a desolate land where the people survive despite, not because of, the land. He has no love for the plains, or the skinny forests, or the craggy rocks and hills. The flowers glow preternaturally, and the electricity that fills the air makes unpleasant crackling noises. Nevertheless he has to admit a fondness for the cherry blossoms that bloom on Narukami Islands. It’s as if a small sliver of beauty managed to scrape its way into the world. He’ll take you to see them sometimes, regardless of his status as a Harbinger and a general menace. Perched amidst the falling petals you remind him of some sort of spirit from folklore. If he could draw well at all he thinks he would make a portrait of you surrounded by those blossoms. Certainly there’d be nothing else worth painting.

The two of you like to read together, Scaramouche going over whatever plans he’s currently focusing on, you curled up with a book. If you find a passage or a quote you particularly like you’ll tap him on the shoulder, and Scaramouche will duly listen to you read it aloud. He likes the sound of your reading voice, the way it varies slightly from when you talk. Unfortunately he made the mistake of telling you that once, and you began to insist that he read for you. Though he secretly enjoys doing so, he still grumbles about it out of habit. The both of you know he’s only doing it for show.

Scaramouche once caught you using a broom like a sword. Though you looked very drunk he secretly found it endlessly endearing. He offered to teach you some basic sword forms (despite his weapon knowing swordplay is a basic requirement for all Fatui soldiers). You accepted eagerly at the time, unaware of how much you’d underestimated Scarmouche’s fervor when it came to training. It took a wooden sword snapped in half for him to lay off a little bit, but at least his troops started dropping hints at you that they no longer feared for their lives. Though you think they were joking, you were still glad for the learning experience. You two still spar every once in a while though.

Living up to his title of “Balladeer” Scaramouche has quite the haunting voice. Not particularly high, his range still has a natural warmth to it that belies his cold exterior. You almost never catch him actually singing. The first time it happened was when you had a migraine. Refusing to leave your tent – you hadn’t actually convinced him you weren’t dying – he seemed torn between boredom and worry. At first it was a mere hum, but soon enough it morphed into a captivating song. He refused to tell you the name of it, claiming he’d forgotten, and refused to bring it up the next morning. Still sometimes you’ll catch him now and then humming out a tune, usually when he’s reading or if you’re sick or upset. His singing is something you associate with comfort.

Scaramouche is a terrible letter writer. If you send him ten letters while he’s away he’ll send you three. Still what he lacks in quantity he makes up for in word count. Curt in his official reports, his letters to you are pure stream-of-consciousness, captivating whatever he’s thinking about at the time. Usually the letters are somewhat sappy (or surprisingly bold) missives on how much he loves you and misses you, somehow more honest than when he speaks to you face-to-face. Still you’ve also gotten quite used to a thousand words on how much he hates his fellow Harbingers. You don’t mind, keeping all his letters to you in a box. Though he claims to burn yours, he does the same.

Scaramouche always tell you the days he’s leaving and the days he’s returning. Sometimes he’ll have it down to an estimated hour. Though he appreciates the pomp and spectacle of appearing around others unannounced – something he does quite a bit when working – he refuses to keep you in a limbo of waiting. Secretly he’s also always afraid you might not show up on the docks one day, and every time he sees your face after a long time away a weight lifts in his chest, the pressure on his soul just a little easier to bear every time.

Scaramouche has always felt most comfortable at night. When the world sleeps, when he has the advantage of being awake, being alert, being more powerful. When there are fewer eyes on him, and he can even tell himself that he is the only one awake in the world, can indulge in those moments of wondering, wondering whether he has ever felt something, whether he is missing a crucial piece. Whether he has ever been happy, whether he wants to be so. He can be vulnerable at night, and thus is the reason it appealed to him so much.

Now the night is his favorite time of day because he can always be near you at that time. If you two are in the same land, then you will spend the night in the same room, the same tent, the same bed. Listening to the sound of your breathing, letting himself revel in your closeness, your arms wrapped around his waist, or his wrapped around you, Scaramouche feels truly content. Perhaps he is even happy, perhaps this is what happiness is, what love is. Perhaps it is something more than that, something undefinable, something too abstract to put into words. He loves you, he realizes to himself, he loves you so much. It is overwhelming, like a tidal wave, yet it does not frighten him. He could be struck by lightning and it would not frighten him. It will in the daytime, but now is the night, and now he can marvel peacefully at the fact that he truly loves you.

[herrlindemann]

METAL HAMMER - November 2005

This one was a long translation work but it was worth every minute of my time. It’s probably one of the most interesting and in-depth interview in a while! 

Notes : Till mentions the Rammstein-TÜV, which in Germany stand for “Technischer Überwachungsverein” or “Technical Inspection Association” in English.

He also talks about the “broiler photo” : In general, it's mostly people from East Germany who know what the "photo broiler" means when we mention the cover art of their debut album, Herzeleid. Broiler was the trademark for a particular type of grilled chickens force-fed from birth that nobody wanted in West Germany. Thanks to a Bulgarian operating license, this chicken was very successful in the East. People often referred to it as "Golden Broiler". (Hard Rock N°38).

Paris in September. The sun breaks through the clouds and warms the busy heart of the French capital. Rammstein chose a place of culture and joie de vivre for the presentation of the ROSENROT album. Almost 200 meters as the crow flies separate the Eiffel Tower from the ship on which Rammstein will be answering questions from the world press who have traveled to the event in the open air and in a relaxed atmosphere. While Till Lindemann, Paul Landers, Christoph Schneider and Oliver Riedel put on a three-day interview marathon, Richard Z. Kruspe and Flake Lorenz are not on board. The latter for struggling with mumps, a childhood disease that is not to be taken lightly when it occurs in adults. As a result, Rammstein had to put all live events planned for 2005 on hold for the time being.

But no reason for Till Lindemann to be sad. The 42-year-old is in a good mood today. The shirt that says 'stubborn', which he wears with blue jeans and black sneakers, says nothing about his basic attitude. "I'm only wearing it because my girlfriend gave it to me," he reveals with a grin. Then he offers drinks and a place on the comfortable leather armchair, while he makes do with the wooden folding chair. Quite the gentleman who appreciates hospitality and courtesy.

He starts the conversation just as politely by asking about his counterpart's three favorite ROSENROT songs. Lindemann creates namely journalist charts. After choosing 'Te Quiero Puta', 'Spring' and 'Ein Lied' his face lights up. “Flawless!”, he rejoices, “today is 'Ein Lied' day. The interviewers who were there yesterday didn't even choose it, today it happened for the fourth time.” Before the singer begins to feel all too comfortable in the role of the questioner, METAL HAMMER turns the tables and listens to the Rammstein singer. In one of his rare interviews, which he gave to the press in the course of the ROSENROT release, Till Lindemann reveals many secrets: the background to the album, his approach to the lyrics and his leisure plans for the upcoming band break.

Till, in previous interviews you always emphasized that there are two Till: the private Till and the Rammstein Till. You seem pretty laid back for being the Rammstein-Till right now...

I am relaxed! We're on hiatus for half a year now, ROSENROT will be released soon, we've just shot a video...I'm already wearing slippers! I'm fine at the moment.

So to speak, the rest after work. REISE, REISE is just over a year old when you release your next album, ROSENROT. Unusual for Rammstein, because you've never worked so fast before.

Yes, that's right. But I wouldn't do that again. That was pretty bad at the end, quite annoying. We had more than two months, almost three actually, but there wasn't a minute to think, everything was on and off. We practically went to bed with the songs, dreamed about them. All in all, a tiring story. But we didn't want to go on hiatus without releasing an album. Because after that we want to record a new record, and that means that we have to do a pre-production and so on. It's been a while. So we wanted to put a bouquet of roses in front of the woman's door before we left.

This bouquet should initially be named REISE, REISE VOL. 2. Why the change of heart?

REISE, REISE VOL. 2 would simply have been too banal. Although in two years nobody will be interested in such things anyway. That's set then, and that's it.

With ROSENROT you chose a title that differs from REISE, REISE — and makes it clear that the record is not an infusion of REISE, REISSE ideas. Nevertheless, many fans may fear that the new record is a collection of B-sides or discarded material. What do you say to them?

I say to them: Listen to the album first! ROSENROT is not scrap material, under no circumstances. Despite this short period of time, the record was put together with a lot of love. Also, it took us the same amount of time to record all of our albums: three to four weeks. Because the formula applies: To record a song, you need one to a maximum of three days. This time only the precursors were shorter. In the past, this has dragged on for us for up to half a year. Not this time. We concentrated and sometimes worked on the ideas for seven or eight hours a day in the rehearsal room. Everyone knew: We have to go to the studio on May 1st! It was like in fast motion and wasn't always nice, but it still worked in the end.

Now it's finally working out with the release of the piece 'Rosenrot', which was created in the course of the last few sessions. Why do you think the song didn't fit on REISE, REISE?

It's simple: Because it's clearly a single. And there was simply no more room for that on REISE, REISE. It would have been a shame if we had squeezed the track in. A song with this potential needs a certain setting, a well-chosen spot on the wall, to be effective. And we can't hang it until this wall is up.

Did you choose the track as the title song because of its strength?

We fight every time when it comes to album details. Which single should be released, what could the artwork look like, who is making the video, what will the record be called? The six of us sit together like idiots, talk our heads off - and come to no conclusion. Then each of us asks friends, acquaintances, record company employees. It often goes so far that we are so stuck that we can only say: Okay, someone else has to decide now. Emu, our manager, for example. We couldn't come to an agreement on ROSENROT either. In the end I'm still satisfied: The title ROSENROT and the tanker that can be seen on the cover are in stark contrast to each other. But the whole thing still has a very cool aesthetic. If someone has some imagination, he can imagine a lot about it.

Whereby the tanker — just like 'Rosenrot' — is not a new idea either, but rather adorns the Japanese edition of REISE, REISE...

It's correct. That's why we were hesitant to use it at first, because of course the fans know it's an old image. But even then, when we held the Japanese version of REISE, REISE in our hands for the first time, we immediately said: amazing, we'll use that for our next album cover! That would have been pearls before swine if only it had ended up on the Japan edition.

Your decision to use the “old” cover also shows something special about Rammstein: you manage to recharge even things that already have an image, to give them a different meaning.

We just experiment, and none of us know in advance if it will work. Other bands don't do it any differently. Metallica did a clever job with LOAD and RELOAD, that was a brilliant story. But that doesn't happen every day. We tried all kinds of puns for the title of the record. REISE, WEITER, REISE for example. That would have been good graphically too. But in the end the title ROSENROT suits our style best: We like to take a track from the album that then stands for the record. Like 'Herzeleid' and 'Sehnsucht’ back then. This is a tradition with us.

It is also a tradition that a red thread always winds its way through the work of Rammstein? Is that different with ROSENROT for the first time?

No, at least not structurally. When the first mixes come out and a first order of the tracks is set, I sit down and compare the new material with the earlier albums. There's always a provocative, controversial song. 'Mein Teil’ on REISE, REISE, 'Mann Gegen Mann’ on ROSENROT. Then every album has a hit: 'Te Quiero Puta' has a similar flair to 'Sehnsucht'. There is also always a ballad: in the case of ROSENROT it means 'Stirb nich vor mir', on REISE, REISE it was ‘Ohne Dich’. 'Rosenrot' is like 'Amerika' to me - same beat, something to dance to, something to nibble on. We try to keep this structure of the different songs with every album.

Speaking of the songs, we need to talk about 'Te Quiero Puta' — the "banger" as you call it. Was the track created in the scorching heat of the desert dust?

No, in Berlin (laughs loudly). The piece is funny, but also has a serious background: the gringos come riding into the brothel, with a party and an alarm. But our hero has fallen in love with the whore, although of course he doesn't want to admit it to himself: "Nicht mit dem Herzen, nur die ‘Limone’," says the text. But nonetheless he states: "I love you, whore!”

The song would make a great single, but not now in the winter, until summertime.

That's right. And the song definitely needs a good video. However, we have to be a little careful here. Again, this calls for something funny, and we don't want to drift into comedy. Although: The fans will forgive us if we don't appear mega gloomy, but also a bit more relaxed.

In addition to this offensive piece, there is another impressive song on ROSENROT: 'Ein Lied'. The piece is dedicated to the fans and you reflect on your situation as a musician. How did you get into it?

It doesn't matter what is written or said about us: The fans can be sure that we appreciate them - and we are showing that with the last song of ROSENROT. But we don't want to smear and curry favor. We used to ask ourselves a lot if we shouldn't say something to people on stage, because it might seem arrogant if we're silent. Now we don't think about it anymore. Even if we don't speak or just let out a few words every now and then, I imagine that when we play live, people still feel our connection to them. We're definitely getting incredible feedback from below, and I think the same goes the other way around.

What influence does this connection with the fans have on your lyrics?

None. I am very honored and proud that my poetry is well received. But everything else never affected me. However, I've had people say to me, "Hey, there's an S&M club around the corner, let’s go.” I only use stylistic devices — on record and of course on stage too. No one stands on the balcony all the time just because they've read Romeo & Juliet.

Are you annoyed that people read your texts, interpret them and thus get closer to Till Lindemann as a person?

Usually that doesn't happen at all. The fans interpret the pieces very differently than I do, and that's a good thing. I don't like talking about the lyrics and trying to give them a certain direction. Pre-chewed food doesn't taste good. So everyone should think about it for themselves.

Thinking about it is also one of your main tasks when it comes to pre-production and you have to decide which lyrics go with which song. How long does it take you to find the right text for a piece?

That all depends. Sometimes it takes five minutes, sometimes three years. What helps is the "Band-TÜV". I bring my text ideas with me, play them to the others, and they give their opinion on them and make suggestions for other words constellations themselves. There are songs for which I have submitted 40 different drafts. The other band members are extreme critics, sometimes even so harsh that it really pisses me off. But when I come back, objections are mostly justified. Because I simply wrote too much, for example. But sometimes I want to tell a story, like with 'Spring'. Then the others arrive and say: "Till, that was too much. We removed a verse.” And I'm completely floored: “What? You removed a verse?” Then I have to try to fit the information from the four lines that were thrown out into the remaining verses. That screw up everything else. Months of work thrown down the toilets. Sometimes it really disturb me. It’s certainly no walk in the park.

Do you have to have experienced the situations and emotions you describe to be able to put them into words?

It's the best thing that can happen — at least for the song, not for me personally of course (laughs). Something bad happened to me during the pre-production of ROSENROT, and during this time I wrote all the quiet stuff.

For example, one of these songs is 'Feuer und Wasser'. Did you incorporate memories from your youth into this piece, after all you work with a lot of swimming metaphors in it?

Partly. The song contains autobiographical elements from my youth, but also elements of recent events.

Do you write down such incidents and spontaneous ideas immediately?

Yes. I have a folder in which I collect all the words, battle cries, etc. that I have come across in my life. When I'm looking for a phrase, I flip through the folder and sometimes I can come up with something that fits.

A Rammstein Dictionary so to speak?

Dictionary is the wrong word. More of a form, like the questions in the driving school test.

This “form” was very helpful to you for ROSENROT. You turn out to be a master of metaphors once again, for example when you stage lines like “Tiefe Wasser sind nicht still”. You give words and phrases a different meaning by giving them a new twist. How do you manage not to repeat yourself?

No idea. It just comes out of me. However, I have to admit that the entire chorus of 'Rosenrot' came from the "Form" - and fortunately it fit the song perfectly. It's one of those coincidences I thank heaven for. But nevertheless it was not an easy birth: This text also had to pass the Rammstein TÜV.

Do you read a lot to increase your vocabulary?

Unfortunately I read too little. I'm trying to read more again. I don't have much time and unfortunately I watch too much TV. When I come home, I just like to lie on the couch, call the pizza man and just lounge around. That’s how a whole weekend can be wasted.

Surely you don't want to claim that you don't promote your creativity, but that everything is pure talent?

Well, actually, I really don't do much for it. From time to time I drink a little wine and then write things down (laughs). No, seriously: I almost always have a piece of paper and a pen with me. And these two utensils are usually next to my bed. I sometimes have interesting dreams, crazy things and I write them down as soon as I wake up. They only last a minute or two, and then I forget them again.

What you won't soon forget are the tours with Rammstein, which have already taken you all over the world. Did traveling with the band broaden your horizons and give you new ideas?

Yes. In the sense that I have a greater wealth of experience to draw from. But I'm not permanently in a writing mode where I work intensively on texts. I do that mainly during the pre-production phase for an album. Then all my senses are heightened.

A ship sails past with "Europe" written on it. Lindemann points to it and continues the story.

This ship there is called “Europe”. Europe. That's a nice word, sounds good, but it's corny. But suddenly the idea comes to me: “Wait, there’s more to it. That's also the name of Zeus' lover.” And already the story has a different direction, a subliminal second meaning. But I only pay attention to that during the pre-production phase — otherwise I only occasionally use my free time to write poetry: on a plane or during a long car ride when I'm a passenger. It doesn't work so well with lyrics because I always need the music as a basis for my work.

Could you also write lyrics to other music?

Yes, of course.

Which style would you like the most?

Cryptic stuff. Synth pop, totally overloaded with keyboards. Music that carries you, sounds like space and is melodic at the same time. And heartache, even a bit of sadness must be at the start.

Is that also the music that interests you privately?

That depends on my mood. Right now I like Manu Chao. He made a record last year, SIBERIE M'ETAIT CONTEE, which came out as a limited edition — with a book that almost looks like a children's book. A great album. I also listen to a lot of Spanish music, but also hard music. I recently rediscovered Ministry.

The different tastes within the band also help to find a new image for each album. You have undergone an interesting transformation. For HERZELEID you were the oiled machos...

Ah, the broiler photo! Back then we were all 100% convinced of the cover, today we could bite our ass for it. This is the worst cover we can imagine today. So unaesthetic. But whatever. You shouldn't condemn it afterwards either, it was just a different time. Back then we also wore trousers with flares at the bottom. Times change…

Sounds a bit wistful. Are you missing something?

No. I am a lucky man. All is well. After all, what counts is the result. If that's true then everything else is fine and there's no reason to complain.

Do you still feel the same as you did ten years ago, for example?

No, it's different, especially when it comes to songwriting. Let me put it this way: I used to go into the forest, took down a tree and drag it home with force. Today I'm standing with a precision engineering milling machine, where I'm filing a board with a lot of high-tech. It has become a huge difference. Today we know what we are doing. And we've achieved a level of professionalism — something that wasn't there before. In the past we only approached things with our hearts, today the whole thing is much more top-heavy. That's where experience and routine comes through. Whether that's a good thing is another matter...

Would you say that your creativity suffers from this routine?

No, not at all. Back then I said on purpose: I want to make music so I don't have to go to work. And now it has become work after all. We’re in a painting company: We come in the morning, are given a task, and then we just start painting. Making music is real, routine work.

Does this routine work mean that you have to make more compromises than before?

On the contrary, we're doing a lot less now. We used to always squeeze ourselves into a corset. Just don't use "nice" words, nothing too positive, no happy ending in the song. Today we worry a lot less about such things, and that's a good thing.

Do you think that this uncompromising approach is particularly appealing to the fans?

A Rammstein record is like a colorful cauldron - there is something for everyone. For me personally, it's less about the whole thing and more about the songs themselves. Every song has a special mood. Also, I always associate something personal with a track. For example, when I think of 'Amerika', I think of being in the rehearsal room with Paul, we were standing at the mixing desk and trying to find a suitable chorus. Then we came up with the English lines, which fit perfectly in terms of rhythm. We then recorded the whole thing and presented it to the others, although we had reservations: Won't they smack the English chorus in our ears? Some thought it was great, others thought it sucked. But in the end the chorus stuck and 'Amerika' turned out to be a great song.

The Rammstein TÜV, the tedious back and forth with songwriting - you won't have all that in the next few months. Now it's time for a break. For the fans this means: There won't be a new Rammstein album before 2007, right?

Let me do the math... No, probably not, after all there is a longer pre-production phase before the recording. But the fans will surely forgive us after ten years if we relax for half a year. Last time I had a month and a half off was after the MUTTER tour, that was the longest break. But even then it wasn't a real recovery. Now we have planned not to see each other for three, four, five months. But honestly, none of us can stand it any longer anyway. After a few weeks we start jotting down ideas at home anyway and muddle around. What is missing is the routine, i.e. getting up, drinking coffee, going to the rehearsal room, driving home again.

What will you do with your free time?

I'm traveling through South America. To write more pieces like 'Te Quiero Puta' (laughs).

Finally, coming back to the songs: Now you have to reveal which of your three favorite tracks on ROSENROT are!

'Te Quiero Puta', 'Stirb nicht vor mir' and then I couldn't decide for a while. I think ‘Benzin’. Or 'Rosenrot’. The two songs have about the same status.