#i’m going to urgent care tomorrow if there’s no improvement

[lady-harrowhark]

went to the emergency dentist today after 5 days of excruciating pain and they couldn’t find anything wrong other than that there’s an obvious spot of irritation, so he said it looks like either something cut me there or there was a bone spur that worked its way out. i asked what to do for the pain and was told to call back next friday if it’s not better “since it’s just achy and [i] can push through”. when i asked how i was meant to sleep or eat in the meantime given that tylenol+ibuprofen+orajel+ice wasn’t helping, he didn’t have any suggestions other than “alternating” tylenol and ibuprofen (i.e., taking less medication than i have been).

so the takeaway here is that if you are a woman with a naturally bubbly and smiley disposition, doctors will ignore the words coming out of your mouth because you don’t “look like you’re in pain.”

[jananimal813]

Hmmm I guess I could donate plasma and earn some money that way.

I did that when I needed money in college a few times.

It’s not super fun, but it’s doable, usually.

Idk about right now though.

I think I actually might need medical attention.

I went to urgent care before I was forced to come here, and they gave me drops for my infected ears, but they feel a lot worse now honestly…

I’m so fucking fatigued, I take the dogs out to do potty and feel like I’m gonna faint. I’ve had to straight up sit down outside a few times. I feel bad I’m not keeping up with the poppies, but for fucks sake, I’m straight up woozy 😵‍💫

And mom of course, is very unhelpful.

I was like yeah I think I might need to get to an urgent care here.

“Why??”

Like biiiitch you fucking know I feel like ass.

But she likes to think I’m just being lazy.

She just kind of actively ignored how bad I was looking on the airport day.

When I finally got to a sink to cool off, I was shocked by my reflection honestly.

I was somehow drained of color and bright red.

And since then I keep getting low grade fevers on and off, it’s super not fun.

At least my stepdad acknowledged that I might need to go to urgent care soon if I don’t improve.

Update:

Shockingly my mom just came in and talked about calling urgent cares for me so cool good, please god take me to a doctor 😅

I mean, right now they’re going to Costco, but it’s fine. Maybe tomorrow.

[limitlessgojo]

Blood Bound: Red Strings of Fate (Ch 2)

Warnings: Action, Coarse Language, Fighting, Descriptions of Blood

Previous Chapter: The First Meeting

Next Chapter: What's Your Ideal Type?

Tags: Soulmates AU, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Fem!Reader

Taglist: @lessie-oxj, @rizzo-nero, @whoreuc

Notes: If you want to be tagged for every update, please mention it in the comments below ty.

CHAPTER 2: The Rebirth

You had a hard time falling asleep that night. Your mind is trying to remember the vision, but the images remain blurry. There was a faint heat lingering from the man's body pressed against yours.

‘Could we possibly be…. It’s not impossible but….’, your mind was working 10,000 miles an hour trying to think of the possibilities. There was only one thought that came to mind and it made you blush. You pulled up the covers and snuggled against your stuffed plushies and pillows. You had to pass by the library and get permission tomorrow.

At least the weaponry was amazing. Noritoshi senpai even showed you inside and pointed you to the crossbows he often practices with. ‘He must be a capable sorcerer. The way he holds himself up with such dignity was already a dead giveaway. A natural born leader huh.’ you wondered.

You fell asleep that night dreaming about a lovely Phoenix, being reborn from ashes.

◇◇◇

Noritoshi was pacing around in his room. He had passed by the library on the way back from dinner, and grabbed several books. “The Secrets of Foreseeing the Future, Vol. 1”, “Alternate and Parallel Worlds”, “Past Lives: A Study”, and “The Life and Works of Abe no Seimei".

He paced around his dorm room, looking over the book that was bothering him the most. “The Tales and True Records of Soulmates”.

He scanned through the main parts of the book. It spoke about bonding. There apparently were 2 types of bonding, emotional and physical.

When 2 halves of a whole reach a certain degree of understanding of each other, they establish what's called a half-bond or a phantom bond.

This begins to link their emotions. Intense anger, fear, joy, disgust, sorrow, and love can be felt from the very first stage. As their bond strengthens, they begin to share more emotions, as well as short strong intentions.

Intentions are used to depict a state of being. If they have a goal or a state of feeling over a particular matter, their partner can pick up on it.

The near final stage of a full bond is when they start to share physical sensations. When one gets injured, it will resound with the other.

The strongest bond is known to share special abilities and thoughts via telepathy between a fated pair.

Noritoshi's mind was definitely in overdrive. There was SO MUCH information on soulmates. But the one thing that wasn't explicitly stated was how a soulmate pair found each other.

How do soulmates confirm that they are indeed soulmates? Most of the information was based on soulmates who simply claimed to be. Then what about how they came to be?

So now he knows that soulmates are supposedly able to share emotions and feelings to a certain degree. But there was a lack of information in the book. What about visions? The vision he shared with y/n was one of a kind.

It kept discussing how the known most popular existence were the parents of Sugawara no Michizane. One of the three great vengeful spirits that is the ancestor of the Gojo clan.

He made up his mind. Taking out his phone, he dialed up his father.

Beep. “Noritoshi? It’s so late, why are you calling at this time? It best be an urgent matter.” his father gruffly answered.

“I am sorry to disturb you father. It’s just, there is a new student here in school. A First year called Tsuchimikado y/n from the Tsuchimikado clan.”

“Ahhh, them huh? Powerful group even though there are only a few of them. They don’t really talk about their techniques that much. They are descendants of Abe no Seimei and yet they kept to themselves as a minor clan of jujutsushi… So what about her?”

“She might possibly be my soulmate, but I am still confirming. Do you have any books or records on soulmates at all?”

At this, his father sat up straight in his study. “Are you serious? And what can you say to prove such claims? Do you know how rare a soulmate bond is?”

"I am aware. And I know we may not be soulmates. But I have some suspicions. If you have any info about soulmates, The Abe clan, or the Tsuchimikado clans, I would appreciate it." Noritoshi replied.

"Okay. I'll have a look and get back to you. Feel free to come by the main house this weekend. Look over the main study. There are also some records on Soulmates there."

"Thank you father. Have a good evening."

Beep.

Noritoshi sighed. He undid his hair bindings and combed out his hair. And opened the book again. He read through the table of contents in case he missed out on any major pointers.

He couldn't read the book in one sitting, because he is still reviewing for the TOEIC and improving his English.

He yawned and was about to retire to bed, remembering his promise to bring you around tomorrow, when one particular word jumped at him.

The binding process of soulmates. He quickly flipped through to the page and found out with horror that some of the pages had been torn out.

It wasn't him who did it. (Obviously). But now he has to go and tell Utahime sensei about it.

He took a closer look at the remaining few pages.

"The Binding of Soulmates. It is known to vary per pair. Some pairs found themselves to be born with a matching symbol in the inside of their arms or on their necks from birth. While others form it upon passing the first stage of -" and the page ends with a violent diagonal tear from the upper right corner to the lower left.

That's pretty much all that he can take away from the book so far. Frustrated, he decided to go to sleep. Nothing about sharing visions was mentioned so far. Maybe they weren't a fated pair after all.

But deep in his gut, Noritoshi knew that you were an important person to him. That was for sure. As he fell asleep, he shared the same dream with you. A lone Phoenix, being reborn from its ashes.

◇◇◇

The following morning, you didn't know where to meet up with Noritoshi senpai so you simply went to the same place he left you last night. On your way there, you passed by a tall robot kind of thing which spooked you. You stared at it, wondering if it was a kind of automation that serves the technical school.

To your surprise, it turned towards you and bowed while greeting, "Hello. I'm a 1st year student here at Kyoto Jujutsu Technical College. You can call me Mechamaru. Kokichi Muta is my real name, but I use robots to fight."

Your eyes widened in surprise and curiosity. "My name is Tsuchimikado Y/n, also starting here as a first year student. Pleased to meet you!" You bowed back.

“So… is your body inside that robot?” you asked him.

“No, as a result of heavenly restriction, which if you haven’t heard of yet is a means of exchange/ a binding contract, my body is elsewhere. I am controlling this robot from afar.”

Your eyes bugged, “That’s incredible! To have that much cursed energy, plus it is over such a long distance.” You were jealous as long-ranged techniques are something you try to work hard and specialise on.

“It’s not that fun being physically stuck in a basement.” Mechamaru didn’t sound too amused.

“Ah, I’m sorry about that… “ you floundered as you mentally hit yourself for being so inconsiderate.

“No need to apologize. I am used to it.” He waved it off coolly.

"You're the first other 1st year I've met Mechamaru. I wonder when the others will come. I've heard of 2 others." You wondered.

"I've already met one of them. Miwa is her name. You won't miss her with her bright blue hair." He replied. His voice was so stiff and robotic, a strange feature.

"Ohhhh I see. I'll keep that in mind!" You smiled. "I'm afraid I have somewhere to be right now, but I'll catch you around for sure! Please take care of me."

"Don't let me keep you waiting. Please also take care of me and see you around." Mechamaru waved as you ran off.

More students to meet huh. Your heart pounded in nervousness and excitement. So it was Miwa and Mechamaru so far. ‘Ugh, I’m so bad with names. I’ll surely get used to it.’ you thought to yourself.

You rounded the corner and nearly plowed through Noritoshi senpai in your haste. “Whoa there, careful,” he held his hands out in case you slipped, but you were fine. You caught yourself just before you hit his personal space.

You were surprised to see him already there, in the same clothes he was in yesterday (was that his uniform? You had yet to get yours, which had custom arrangements).

"Good morning Noritoshi-senpai!" you beamed up at him. He looked down at you amusedly, liking your bright energy. “Good morning y/n.”

Your smile grew wider upon hearing your name fall from his lips for the very first time. For a moment the both of you just stood there smiling. Then Noritoshi beckoned you to his side as you walked around the campus.

"Did you sleep well last night?" He asked.

"Ah yes, though it might take some time getting used to the dorm rooms here. But everything is pretty much convenient. Especially the kitchenettes in our rooms." You were still excited about starting classes.

“Did you have your uniform tailored to your liking?” You asked him.

“Ah yes, I requested a looser fit. I am used to wearing a kimono and wooden sandals at home. I simply requested for them to be made in a similar fashion for comfort. And it gives me enough space to hide all of my weapons.” He smiled gently down at you.

“Ahhh I see. I have also put in a request for my uniform, but I don’t have it yet.” you said.

“Well, it shouldn’t be too long now, classes start in 2 days after all.”

He brought you around the main gardens. “It’s so big,” you gaped, excited to train here. There was so much open space, it would be good for flying practice. “The other buildings are offices for the staff, and warehouses for special tools and materials.” He explained.

Then Noritoshi led you to a corridor with tons of doors. “These are the 3rd year classrooms. First and second year classrooms are upstairs. We can have a look if you’d like?” He asked.

You agreed. And on your way to the staircase, you came face to face with a man going down the stairs. He was incredibly tall and ripped. With his hair tied up, a scar racing down on his left eye, he grunted at Noritoshi in greeting.

He came down and faced you both, before addressing Noritoshi. “You ready for class? Is this a new student?”

“Of course I am. And she is a first year. Tsuchimikado Y/n.” Noritoshi introduced you and you quickly bowed in greeting. “You can call me Tsuchi san or just Tsuchi as I know my last name is long. It is very nice to meet you!”

Noritoshi noted that you didn’t offer to be addressed by your first name this time and felt weirdly happy.

“Todo Aoi, 2nd year. So… what man or woman is your ideal type?” He asked as he loomed over you menacingly. You barely came up to this man's chest.

….. What in the world are you getting into?

Fun fact: The Tsuchimikado Clan are indeed a real clan descended from the Abe Clan and Abe no Seimei the Onmyouji himself. I chose Abe no Seimei as a parallel to the three great vengeful spirits from whom the big 3 Jujutsu families are descendants of. As Abe no Seimei was also a major figure during the Heian period. But of course my story is a work of fiction so other than the onmyouji himself, everyone else is not real^^.

Blood Bound: Table of Contents

[stellar-lune]

She-Ra Incorrect Quotes (List)

Feel free to use these for anything!

-

Sea Hawk: Arson? Oh, you mean "crime brûlée".

-

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.

Frosta: I choose to waive that right!

Frosta: *screaming*

-

Mermista: My favorite outdoor activity is going back inside.

-

Adora: Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

-

Adora: I would never say that my girlfriend is a bitch and I don’t like her. That’s not true… Catra is a bitch and I like her so much!

-

Bow: The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off 'excessive crying' on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.

-

Entrapta: You know the sound a fork makes in the garbage disposal? That's the sound that my brain makes all the time.

-

Catra: So you like cats?

Adora: Yeah.

Catra: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*

-

Bow: I left instructions for everyone while I'm gone.

Adora: Mine just says "Adora no."

Bow: I want you to apply it to every possible situation.

-

Entrapta: Yo! I heard you like reptiles, got any fun facts?

Double Trouble: If a crocodile eats your dad, they become your new dad.

-

Angella: Why are you like this??

Shadow Weaver: I used too much "No More Tears" shampoo as a kid and I haven't felt a single emotion since.

-

Kidnapper: We have your child

Mermista: I don’t have a child?

Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich?

Mermista: Oh god, you have Sea Hawk.

-

Double Trouble: What situation is not instantly improved by the addition of fishnets, I ask you.

Mermista: Being a fish.

Double Trouble: Well, shit.

-

Scorpia: Happy October 32nd! Second Halloween!

Catra: That doesn't exist.

Scorpia: Not with that attitude.

-

Shadow Weaver: You know you've made it when you see your picture everywhere you go.

Adora: Those are wanted posters!

-

Spinnerella: Netossa annoyed me today, so I told her that I can’t wait to see what she has planned for our special day tomorrow.

Glimmer: There is nothing special about tomorrow.

Spinnerella: But there is something special about watching the color leave her face as panic takes over.

-

Adora: Scorpia-

Scorpia: *sighs* Catra used to call me Scorpia...

Adora: ...Because it's your fucking name.

-

Sea Hawk: I need to dye my hair.

Mermista: ...

Sea Hawk: Or get another tattoo.

Mermista: ...

Sea Hawk: Or a new piercing.

Mermista: Why?

Sea Hawk: To, you know, appease the mental breakdown gods.

[jesswritesthat]

hey babe! i love your writing so much!!! so i recently watched kaguya-sama: love is war and i was wondering if you could do a headcanon of kuroo, bokuto and atsumu where their crush gets sick and they visit her and she drags them into her bed to sleep with them? you can decide how it ends. thank you so much in advance if you do end up writing this! i love you and take care of youself💞

Hello lovely! Thank you so much for this, I’ve never seen Kaguya-Sama but it sounds really cute. Also take care of yourself too and I hope these are okay! Much love 💕

Summary: Bokuto, Kuroo and Atsumu checking up on their sick crush headcanons

>>>>—————————>

Bokuto Kōtarō:

• Has felt like he's been missing something all day but couldn't quite decipher what it was until Akaashi mentions how you're off sick.

• Thats when your phone is bombarded with ‘urgent’ messages inquiring about your wellbeing to the dramatic extent of:

[ Kou: (N/N)! You haven't answered me yet, are yOu StiLl AliVe?! ]

[ (N/n): no ]

[ Kou: Aw, can I have your cool headphones then, since you won't be needing them anymore? 😁💕 ]

[ (N/n): Wow Kou, I'll haunt your dumbass at Volleyball games for that. ]

[ Kou: Even in death, your support means everything to me. ]

• Despite his nonsense he kept updated with you throughout the school day by sending memes in hopes of raising your spirits. The most peace you got was during Volleyball Club time - the Ace too invested to message you at that point.

• At the end though he calls his team for a serious discussion and they're all expecting major improvements on their gameplay ready for Nationals.

But no.

"What can I get (N/n) to make her feel better, this is crucial. I need only good ideas!"

• They all knew about his crush on you, he wasn't exactly secretive about it but you were none the wiser. Even so, Fukurōdani offered what advice they could to their friend because like him, they cared about you too.

• "Akaashi picked up your schoolwork." Bokuto says as he walks into your room, waving the papers and placing them on your side.

"And you didn't think to take notes for me?"

"Nah, I wanted to bring you good stuff."

"Fair point."

• Bokutos likely brought everything he could find once he went home and changed/showered - he's got flowers, your favourite snacks, drinks, medicine and some movies to cure your boredom. Like how much do I owe you???

He's says it's fine though, in return you have to be better by tomorrow.

That's not how it works Kou.

• You're both seated on your bed watching some shitty movie when you start getting a bit sleepy and you just want warmth.

"Can you give me a hug Kōtarō? I just need a hug, I know how weird that sounds..."

• Doesn't even think twice about it, he practically tackles you onto the covers which elicits lovely giggles from you - the potential of him getting sick too isn't even considered, he's just focused on being with you and making you feel better.

• His arms are so warm and they’re beautiful, you forgot how toned he is and you grow so comfortable in his embrace. He’s also really relaxed about it and is calm enough to ramble on normally - except when you nuzzle against him during a cold shiver. Bokuto full on freezes mid sentence, releasing a cautious breath prior to changing the subject.

• It’s obvious he’s content with you though, and surprisingly falls asleep first which makes you laugh. Kōtarō keeps a strong but delicate hold on your body and is subconsciously receptive enough to your every move. You adjusted yourself slightly which stirred him, his voice is much huskier than before due to sleep but remains concerned.

“Can’t you sleep (Y/n)? I can-“

“I’m fine, you’re keeping me warm.”

• With a nod of understanding he’s gone again and you follow shortly afterwards, the both of you unintentionally making the nap a sleepover. Which you only realise the next morning - still in his arms even if the position has changed. You take a few minutes to enjoy it.

• Miraculously doesn't get sick, his immune system must be immortal as he's brimming with energy once he gets up. His radiance is actually contagious as you feel much better in yourself too and his vibrant attitude really motivates you for the day despite being physically exhausted from beating the flu.

• "Your partner is going to be blessed if you bring them breakfast, I mean talk about amazing." You comment as he brings up a plate that he’d crafted in your kitchen, which is surprisingly decent. You suppose he must keep his body fit somehow.

"My crush will have to do for now."

"Wait I - ah, you have a crush on me?"

"Hah, didn't you know? I never tried to hide it or anything."

Kuroo Tetsurō:

• Notices your absence immediately, he's observant by nature but especially where his crush is concerned and he isn't afraid to contact you before class starts.

• "Hey (Y/n), it's Kuroo, are you running late today?"

"Hnn, I'm not gonna make it. I tried but I feel awful - Sickness: 1, (L/n): 0." Already by the grogginess in your voice he can tell you're under the weather and winces at the sound of you stifling a cough.

"Ah geez, go to bed would you? And drink plenty of water, I'll inform the teachers and everything."

"Thanks Tetsurō, I owe you one."

• Will message you at regular intervals throughout the day regarding your health with cute little reminders. You were on his mind frequently, he’s lowkey worried okay?

[ Tetsu: Drink water, and eat breakfast if you can. ]

[ (Y/n): Yeah yeah I have, go learn something. ]

[ Tetsu: Why are you replying? Shouldn't you be sleeping it off - I don't want your germs. ]

[ (Y/n): Sharing is caring. ]

[ Tetsu: Oya? It took a cold for you finally admit you care, so is it gonna take a pandemic to say you love me? 😏 ]

[ (Y/n): 🖕🏻]

• Is actually considerate enough to tell you he'll swing by after practice, and asks if you want anything from the shop so you give basics like water and tablets. Comes equipped with the extra notes he's taken from all of your shared classes and requested papers from teachers in those you don't, so you're not falling behind.

• Aside from the bare minimum you requested, he chucks your favourite snacks on your desk stating that it’s important to keep morale high too. Liar. He just wanted to do something nice for you.

• Checks your temperature despite your protests of not being a child, he only does this because it vexes you and Kuroo finds that cute. As a silent apology for teasing the Hell out of you, he’ll make you some tea and you both get lost in conversation.

• Notices you’re starting to doze off, rest you should’ve had instead of texting everyone - but ensuring everything is fine, he’s about to stealthily exit until your fingers grasp his wrist and tug him back slightly.

"Stay Tetsurō..."

"You'll likely regret that request once you wake up."

"S'ok, it's you."

• The strength you have when tugging him into bed with you catches him completely off guard and he’s actually blushing - doesn’t know what to say but knows he has to at least maintain some composure.

“So uh, never knew you wanted me this badly.”

“Ugh shut up dumbass, I can feel your rapid heartbeat from here.”

“Right...”

• Kuroo goes all shy, you’ve wrapped your arms around his waist and are comfortably leaning against his side and he absentmindedly runs his fingers soothingly up and down your arm to settle his own nerves.

• It’s peacefully silent, simply enjoying one another’s company before he hears your muffled sniffles indicating you’ve fallen asleep and a soft smile graces his lips. If you were his, then he’d definitely kiss your forehead, and lips to be honest, but the fact you aren’t leaves him with a disappointed sigh.

• You both end up taking a nap, waking up wrapped in each other’s arms and noses practically touching which startled the Captain - Kuroo literally falling off of your bed with a yelp much to your amusement. Afterwards, he departs suggesting you get more rest, get better soon and he’ll see you at school next week.

• At least that was the plan, which altered with the text exchange the following morning.

[ Kuroo: Sharing is not caring, I wanted your snacks not your sickness! ]

[ (Y/n): RIP us. 💀 ]

[ Tetsu: You owe me one remember? I've got the house to myself this weekend so would you like to suffer together? I have blankets, entertainment and food. ]

[ (Y/n): Beats sniffling alone, I'll bring the tissues and drugs. ]

• So, you went over with a trail of sneezing in your wake and ended up snuggled with Kuroo under a blanket with a variety of games gracing the TV as you skilfully passed around the tissues. Aside from being ill, spending time like this with him was perfect.

• "Sickness: 2, (L/n) and Kuroo: 0..."

"No, Kuroo: 1.”

"How so? You K.O. a sneeze or something?"

"I got to spend the day with you didn't I? That counts as a win in my book."

"Tch careful, anyone would think the Scheming Captain cares~"

"I do smartass, I care about you a lot (Y/n)..."

Miya Atsumu:

• Atsumu wasn't one to act needy in any way, the only excuse for him to contact you in regards to your absence was to do it with a remark and hope you'd elaborate.

[ Atsumu: Yo, are ya ditching me to survive English on my own? That's cold (Y/n) 😭 ]

[ (Y/n): Sorry 'Tsumu, I'm too busy dying to care rn. Have a fun missing me loser. ]

[ Atsumu: Hah you wish, you alright tho? ]

• You're good friends but he's never really expressed genuine concern about you before, not verbally anyway. You thought the final "K" after you'd told him you were gonna rest would be the end of it.

So you were beyond surprised when he rocked up to your house later that evening.

• It took everything you had not to mock him for his embarrassed stature, solely flustered by the fact you'd seen him so considerate. Admittedly you were also exhausted and probably couldn't think of a snarky reply anyway.

• "What's up? Was there homework or - ugh, or something?"

"Huh? Oh I dunno. But uh, I got 'Samu to make you some Okayu, and a Umeboshi Tea since it's good for colds and stuff."

• Totally pestered Osamu all day to help him make you something and had to do stupid favours in return but Atsumu will deny it if you ever ask.

• “I love how you don’t care what you look like when you have guests over.”

“Take your stupid backhanded compliments and shove them up your pretty litt-“ You bite back, flipping him off in the process while Atsumu remains proudly victorious.

“Nah ah, is that any way to speak to the man who brought you dinner?”

“It’s the way to speak to the man whose currently annoying me.”

“You’re welcome, this is revenge for ditching me in class gorgeous~”

• Despite how irritating he could be, Atsumu stuck around for a bit to make sure you ate everything he’d brought and taken the appropriate medication.

• “Oh yeah, I brought that movie you were talking about the other day. Figured it might pass the time a bit.”

“Thank you! I’ll give it back once I’m better - thank you so much ‘Tsumu.”

Your excitement was endearing, and he had to collect himself a bit since admiring such little quirks was out of the question - his crush was bad enough as it is.

“Wanna watch it now? I haven’t got anything to do so I can give you spoilers.”

“Sounds good - and not a word!”

• You spent the afternoon watching the film and playfully wrestling the blonde in order to shut him up whenever he made an attempt to spoil it - he would never, but provoking you was too funny.

• You settle down later on, putting on a mindless tv show for background noise before collapsing onto your bed with groan. Atsumu raising a smug brow at your exhausted state as he threw his jacket on.

• "Wanna sleep with me?" It was innocent, at least you didn’t think much of it then.

"Do I what now?" He was smirking, thankful that your panic left you oblivious to the blush crawling up his neck at the mere insinuation alone.

"Sleep wit- ohh I did not think that through! I meant sleep in my bed, next to me, to help me drift off. Maybe it's the sleepiness or medicine but I really want you Atsumu..."

"Not helping your case at all." Again he smugly responded, dropping his jacket to the floor with a sly smile.

"Stop smirking and just hug me okay? Then you can leave and tease me about this later."

• Atsumu isn't awkward about it, subduing his nerves enough to pull you into his arms as he sits up - dutifully ignoring the butterflies in his stomach due to your close proximity and the intoxicating smell of your hair.

• Atsumu becomes unintentionally soft, his fingers slowly begin to glide through your hair and he hesitates when he feels the hum of contentment you release before continuing. Your whole body just relaxes against his and he subconsciously does the same, not even realising he was this tense around you - was his body always like that in your general presence?

• As you start quietly talking about nothing and everything, he notices a weakness - you’re a lot more open when drowsy and god he wants to take advantage but knows you’ll remember the questions he asked and murder him for it when you’re able.

• Intead he attempts to protect any dignity he thinks he has left with you - jokes on him, it’s absolutely none. You guys are way past that level and he knows it.

“You better get healthy quick, not that I care but English is really borin’ on my own ya know?”

"The people you truly care about must be really lucky to have you 'Tsumu..." The mumble is enough to make him roll his eyes, but he waits until you’re asleep to reply.

"Yeah... you are..."

<——————————<<<<

[ Masterlist ]

[iocosmosensei]

Hizashi (Aizawa x Fem! Reader)

Author’s Note: First off, this is my very first Aizawa One shot, so please. If you have any suggestions on how to improve my writing, message or comment right away. I would very much appreciate it. Second, English is not my mother-tongue, so if there are any grammatical errors, please notify me right away. Third, please tell me if you enjoyed it. If you did, feel free to share this to your friends who simp over Aizawa as well. And Lastly, Enjoy reading!

Warnings: Angst

Pro Tip: Please Listen to “Heather” By Conan Grey for better experience ^^. 

Word count: 960

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It has been a normal and stressful day for Shouta Aizawa, teaching his students, taking care of paperwork, and planning out his lesson schedule for tomorrow. As he was about to lock his office, he caught eyes with Y/N, who was running towards him.

"Hey Shouta, ready to head home I see." She chuckled and leaned at the wall beside his office door, looking exhausted as ever.

"Students tire you that much." He asked as he began walking towards the entrance of the school. Its dusk, painting the sky with orange and red hues. Time like this makes Shouta more attractive, Y/N thought to herself.

"Hm? Well, not quite. I think I stretched my muscles too much on today's training." She sighed as she started walking beside him. Unknowingly, the person beside her stopped walking.

You turned around to see that Shouta was looking straight ahead, straight to a certain blondie. You can't admit it but, when you saw the way his face started to redden, your breathing hitched, your heart dropped. Of course, what were you thinking? You and Shouta had only known each other for a few years, sure you had a fair share of interactions, especially when you just started as a teacher assistant. But as time passed by, your attraction for him, which started as just mere adoration, increased to the point that you madly fell in love with this mysterious, cunning, and gorgeous man in front of you.

As you took a deep breath, you returned to your normal goofy self and approached the man once again.

"Am I dreaming or the Shouta Aizawa is blushing right this moment?" You teased as you brought him out of his stance. He looked away as he cleared his throat and started walking again. You skipped until you reached the entrance of the school to tackle the one and only Hizashi Yamada, or Present Mic.

As much as it pains you to hug him, you need, no required, to act normal.

"Y/N, HOW GREAT IT IS TO SEE YOU AGAIN!" He, unknowingly, used his quirk, Voice, on you, making your ears to nearly bleed. Before he can proceed to make your ears bleed, the volume of his voice became tolerable. You turned around to see Shouta's red eyes and his hair floating.

You pulled away and gave Shouta a look, returning Hizashi's quirk back. He pinched the bridge of his nose, "You need to stop using your quirk unless you want Y/N to end up deaf for the rest of her life. "

"I'm so sorry, Y/N. I just missed you. We didn't cross paths at all today, and you know how I am when I miss someone dear to me." Hizashi scratched the back of his neck as he looked at you.

"It's no big deal, Zashi. Just don't make a habit of it then we're good." You smiled at him.

"You have always been forgiving and selfless, N/N. I really like that about you." He returned your smile and placed his sunglasses back in place.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go to a bar and celebrate finishing the week alive!" Hizashi pumped his fist in the air, almost resembling Toshinori, commonly known as All Might.

"I got to pass, something came up, and it's urgent. Sorry guys." You scratched the back of your head as you looked at them.

"Do you want me to go with you? Or at least bring you home?" Shouta slowly approached you.

"No, no. It's fine. You guys enjoy whatever plan you have for the evening. I'll just head there myself." You chuckled lightly as you waved your hands in front of you, like a high schooler.

"If you say so. Safe travels, Lady Y/N. We shall meet again soon. " Hizashi bowed, making you giggle.

"And to you as well, Sir Yamada and Sir Aizawa." You curtsied, making Hizashi released the loudest laugh you heard, while Shouta let out a small, quiet chuckle. 

You said your farewells and went into separate ways.

When you got home, you slowly went to your bedroom. You lied to avoid Shouta but also to make him spend time with his childhood friend, now knowing his true feelings for the certain loud-mouth. You sighed as you took off your clothes to wash all the sweat and dirt off your body due to the intense training and teaching to your students.

As you stepped into the warm shower, you can't help but think of Shouta and Hizashi. You knew that Hizashi had fallen in love with Shouta, he told you himself. But you didn't expect that his feelings would reciprocate. Before you know it, you felt something stream down your face. Thinking it was only water, you continued to wash. But when you stepped out of the shower, something is still streaming down your face. When you looked at the mirror only then did you realized you were crying.

You wiped your face and started to get dressed for bed. Before you laid down, you went to your closet and took out a black box. Inside was a black sweater. You put in on and proceeded to walk towards your bed, only to be engulfed by the scent the sweater had. It wasn't a bad order. It smelt like a strong cologne, one you know very well. 

As you nearly crawled your way to the bed, the tears in your eyes didn't stop. Finally, you reached your destination and instantly buried under the covers and hugged your pillow tightly. Your tears didn't stop, making a wet spot on your pillow. Slowly, as tiredness seemed to lull you to sleep, you had one thought in mind.

"Wish I were, Hizashi."

[incorrect-hunterx-quotes]

Update and story time:

I thought I would pass along an update to you guys. My sickness did not start off great. It started on Monday morning and very rapidly progressed by Tuesday afternoon. I was unable to eat or drink anything for 3 days because my throat was incredibly swollen. I couldnt even swallow my own spit so I would wake up every 5 minutes gagging, so I eventually stopped sleeping.

I went to Urgent Care and they gave me the diagnosis of incredibly Enlarged Tonsils and they gave me antibiotics and steroids to take to treat it. (This was on Tuesday night). The next morning I woke up and I couldn't talk. That is how swollen my throat became. I was no longer able to take my pills because they were too big. I was able to breathe, but it was hard. After a brief consult with a doctor he said to take the steroids immediately and go from there. (The steroids were the size of a literal crumb and it was still a struggle). He also said if it didn't help to go to the ER to get an IV bag because it had already been 2 days without food or water. I spent the rest of Wednesday literally hoping the steroids would kick in and help...they did not.

That night at around 2am I decided I wouldn't sleep because I was scared of gagging every 20 seconds. I spent the next 4hrs just curled in a ball against my desk on the floor spitting in a trashcan and listening to music to keep calm. (I'm am a 25yo male, over 6'3 and decently built, not scared of anything beyond Spiders and Heights, and I was a nervous wreck)

The next morning (Thursday) I heard my mother wake up and I went to her and begged her to take me to the ER. They took me immediately and quickly got me hydrated with an IV bag. Immediately I felt the effect and it was like I just woke up. I had energy, And I actually had color returning to me. I had lost 7/8 lbs at this point because I couldnt eat or drink.

They kept me in the ER the rest of the day and they gave me a 2nd IV bag and different steroids and antibiotics injected directly into my IV line. Within an hour I could speak. It wasnt that my throat was magically opened, but the one word I was able to say on Wednesday had magically became full sentences on Thursday, even if it was really low volume compared to my usual speaking voice.

They took the Big C-test (negative) and a CAT Scan later on, and that's where things got scary (-er). The CAT scan revealed that just beyond the enlarged tonsils was a 4-inch abscess, which would possibly mean surgery to deal with.

While surgery was unclear, I would need to be transferred to a different hospital 20 minutes away where they were better equipped to deal with my situation. I finally arrived at like 3am (Froday morning) and get all checked in. I get the routine blood draw and vitals stuff and then get told to relax while the specialist finished with his other patients. About 4:30am this guy comes in and was like "we're gonna take care of this right now." And I'm like "....what?"

So he was explaining that he could drain part of the abscess and then let antibiotics and steroids do the rest of it. It sounded like a good plan. I was already in better hands and I was on my way back to normal strength. So we agreed.... and that's when I quickly learned to hate this guy.

I warned him I have an incredibly strong gag reflex, and he said it wouldn't be an issue. He'd put lidocaine (a numbing agent) on my throat and tongue and itd be fine (it wasnt).

So now here I am at almost 5am, after being awake for almost 25 hours at this point, lying on my back with a bright light on my face, 2 nurses and the doctor on all sides and not enough nerves in the world to stop from shaking like a chihuahua on a massage chair in an earthquake. And not just little nervous shaking. They were powerful shakes.

It took one touch and my gag reflex was active. I was gagging the entire time. I threw up. I was screaming and crying. I accidentally bit the main doctor guy because he tried to keep my teeth open for the needle (I refused to apologize). I had such powerful shakes that my mother needed to hold my legs. She hasn't seen me this scared in 20 years when I used to have nightmares every night. And that was only after ONE OF THE TWO drains that needed to be done. I wanted to cry more and vomit and die. I couldnt do that again. But he insisted. I asked if there was a different way. There was no way I could be conscious for this again. I already knew I'd have nightmares from that (and I did last night). But he said there wasnt. So the 2 nurses and my mother braced me as I lay on the bench crying, shaking and gagging, with blood spit and pus coming out of my mouth, while this doctor finished the other draining. It was agonizing. I haven't been this scared in over 15 years. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemies. It is like I was in one of those horror movies where a doctor just tortures patients. I wanted to cry and cry.

They soon told me I would be admitted to stay the night and that they would keep me on steroids and antibiotics overnight while they waited for things to improve. I felt asleep after being awake for 28 hours that night. The only thing on my mind was when I would have to drain the rest of the abscess.

When the doctor came in the morning to discuss what was up with the rest of the treatment he basically said "why didnt he put you on morphine or something?" ...I was speechless. So when I brought it up to the next one she said the same thing. As did the next 3... I could've avoided that trauma instead of having to do it like that.

So I ended up not needed to get the remaining abscess drained. The antibiotics and steroids they have had hooked me up to all day has been taking care of it. WITHOUT THE NEED FOR TRAUMA2.0!!! By noon I was drinking water on my own, I was even speaking louder. By 6pm i ate my first solid food since Monday nights dinner (Friday). By 8 I was on the phone with my friends talking like nothing had changed.

So I've been recovering steadily and rapidly. I should be able to leave and go home by tomorrow night. And then I'll be back at 100% shortly after.

I just wanted to thank you guys for all your messages and words of support that I've been getting these last few days, and to take a few minutes to explain what I've been dealing with these last few days. I want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for everything you've said. Truly, you guys and gals in this community mean the world to me.

Once I'm home I'll take a little time to get settled and we'll keep going as if this little "unplanned vacation' never happened. Take care and much love to everyone!!!

[multifanficss]

Emergency Room (BTS X READER)-17

A/N: Quick note, this will be exactly like a Grey's Anatomy episode. I won't say which one but it is a good one. Anyways, Here is Chapter 17!!!

Y/n's POV:

It is now Sunday, 4:30 am and we have just landed. I woke up my mother just as they were allowing people off the plane. We went to get our baggage and Jimin helped get my mother's. After we walked to the exit of the airport and I saw Yoongi and Hoseok. I told him and we both walked over towards them. We both greeted and they greeted us and my mother. "Well, I will take Jimin home and Yoongi will be taking you and your mother home. Oh also, The chief said both of you can have the day off for today but he expects you tomorrow morning." Hoseok said smiling. I nodded and thanked him. Yoongi took both my luggage and my mother's and all of us walked to Yoongi's car. I let my mom get on first then helped yoongi. "Hey, Before we head to the apartment, can you take me to see B/F/N?" I asked. "Sure, Also, she's improving very well," he said and we both got in. Then he drove to the Hospital.

Once, we got to the hospital, I had told my mother I would see B/F/N. She was shocked but decided to go with me. We checked up on her and they said she would be released now. Jin then brought the paperwork and we got her things and came home. Yoongi opened the door for my mother and then for me. I went to open the door for my mother and then tried to help Yoongi with helping B/F/N but he didn't let me and so I brought the luggage inside. "Thank you, yoongi," I said and gave him some cash as a thank you. "No, Y/n, it's fine. See you tomorrow," he said and left. I walked B/F/N's new room and helped her lay down. Then I showed my mom her room and went to the kitchen to make Breakfast. I saw my mother walk out of her room and she decided to help me cook. Then we ate with B/F/N and we spent our day together.

*Next Day*

~beep, beeep~

I woke up and looked at my side desk and saw my pager go off. I looked at it and saw that Taehyung was paging me. I decided to get up quickly. As I went downstairs, I saw my mom sitting drinking her morning coffee, "I have to go now mom, can you take care of B/F/N while it goes to work?" I asked. "Of course, and please be careful, it is very foggy," she said and I went out the door quickly. I got to the hospital, quickly put my things away, and went to the E.R. I reached the E.R., and Taehyung was talking to the interns and then saw me and excused himself. "Good morning y/n, I called you in because the chief told me to page you, how was the trip?" he said. "It was nice, How was work?" I asked. "It was good," he said. "Oh, before I forget, would you like to go get lunch together?" he asked. "Yeah that sounds good, I didn't pack anything so I'm free." I said and he chuckled Then the chief walked up and said  "quickly, we got a call saying a ferry had crashed since the fog was heavy, now that it has lifted, we have to go." He said and we quickly got in the Ems with our first aid bags. The ride was silent but I decide to say something since I rode with the interns and Taehyung. "everyone is on their own, so this means if you see someone who needs help, do it. Save lives." I said and that's when the EMS came to a stop. We all quickly got off. Hoseok immediately got there and quickly attended to someone who needed to go to the hospital, however she was refusing. "I refuse to go, where is my husband?!!" she yelled. "Steven, go find the husband, quick, she needs surgery A.S.A.P!" he said Then Hoseok left. Yoongi was helping someone unconscious. Taehyung quickly helped an elder who couldn't seem to get up. "Miss, what is wrong?" he said and noticed she had a huge gash on her side. "Alright miss please, don't move I am a surgeon and am here to help you," he said. I saw a child and she looked scared and lost, I decided to help her, "I'll be right back Taehyung, I am going to find this child's parent" I said he nodded and we began to walk quickly around the scene.

End of y/n pov

Third-person POV

On the other hand, The interns were fighting their own battles. "Help! Please someone help!" someone said and Mina ran in that direction. "Yes, how can I help?" "my friend he's trapped." Mina looked and saw that the person was trapped in between two cars but was still breathing.  "Sir, stay calm, I will save you, stay with me and listen to what I am saying," she said and the man nodded. Jackson on the other hand noticed a pregnant lady laying down trapped on some wood and soon she awoke but with great pain. Jackson quickly asked, "Help we have a pregnant lady right here and she needs medical help!" Quickly the medics helped him and Jackson attended to her since he did not know if she had fallen or not. Taemin was helping someone who was also unconscious and decided to head back to the hospital A.S.A.P.

Y/n had walked around with the child for like five minutes and no sign anywhere. She noticed that someone need urgent help. "Sir, I need you to stay calm. Can you hand me those tweezers," She asked the child and she helped me.  She was helping him and while she tried to stitch him up he got up. "no sir, sit." she said and he kept walking back and forward. Soon she noticed that she was near the end of the edge and saw the ocean. "Sir, you need to sit down, now" he ignored her and pushed her back. Soon enough she was in the water. Then she blacked out.

end of Y'n's pov

Taehyung's POV

I was finishing up with the elder and looked up. There was the little girl but y/n was nowhere to be found. Ems came up to me and asked if I needed them to transport her. I nodded and walked up to the little girl. She walked to the edge and pointed to the water. I was confused and then it hit me Y/N!!! I jump in quickly and saw that she was drowning, I quickly pulled her up. Some bystanders helped me get her on the concrete. "Y/N!!Y/N!!" I said and checked for a pulse.....none..... "EMS!!EMS!!" I yelled so that they would hear me. I then began chest compressions. EMS quickly ran and began to transport her. I got in with her and continued chest compressions. Stay with me y/n.....

end of 14

[tododorks]

this is for @out-of-my-way-extras​ partner writing event! wrote this with @plusultrawritings​ <3 (also i legit took like 2 months to write my part, thank you for putting up with me)

synopsis: sometimes you don’t need to know what they know

pairing: togata mirio / reader

warnings: angst, cheating, swearing, spoilers for the shie hassaikai arc

word count: 3.4k

.・。.・゜✭・.・✭・゜・。.

They said it would get easier. Loss wasn’t easy, but that it would heal in time.

Mirio’s loss was different. He didn’t just lose a loved one. He lost a part of himself, and that hurt more than any wound.

It hurt you more than any wound.

“Is Mirio with you, Tamaki?” you asked gingerly, hoping that the desperation in your voice wasn’t too apparent. It was after curfew, and you haven’t seen him all day. You hadn’t seen him all week either.

When was the last time you’d seen him? When was the last time you talked to him?

A month.

“I-I’m sorry, Y/N,” he stuttered over the phone, and you tried your best to keep your heart in your throat. You picked at the threads of your sweatshirt as he continued. “H-He might be with Eri-chan and Aizawa-sensei? I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize, Tama. It’s not that important anyway,” you reassured, to him and yourself. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Take care of yourself, alright?”

You hung up before he could apologize again, staring at his contact on your phone. Looking up at the sky, you closed your eyes for a second, feeling the cool breeze kiss your skin. Sometimes, you pretended that you were in a world without heroes and villains and fear. You pretended that you were in a world where Mirio was okay.

It was dangerous to be outside past curfew, with villains and the fear of teachers catching you, but it was the only place you could go without getting looks of pity. Why should you be pitied? It wasn’t like your mentor died and you lost your quirk-

How selfish of you to think about yourself. It made you want to throw up.

You stared at the stars, took a deep breath, and walked back to Hero’s Alliance.

“Y/N?” Nejire frowned when you walked into the common room, freshly brewed tea in her hand. She was in her pajamas. “What are you doing up so late?”

“Just taking a walk,” you said, trying to look sheepish instead of sorrowful. You were semi-aware that your eyes were puffy and that your hair was nappy. “Finals are really taking a toll on me, and the common room isn’t exactly quiet!”

There was a pause, before you asked, “Have you seen Mirio recently?”

She frowned, her eyebrows knitting together. “I’m sorry-“

“It’s fine!” you said, a little too cheery for someone who looked so tired. “I’m sure he’s in his room.”

He wasn’t.

Nejire looked at you strangely. “Alright, then. Night, Y/N-chan.”

You waved at her goodnight before turning around, hating yourself for the way your shoulders trembled.

. . . . . .

You hated receiving pity. That’s why you never pitied Mirio.

Even when he was just your goofy classmate who never learned how to control his quirk, even when he got the lowest marks in class, even when he didn’t get his provisional license on the first try. Instead, you admired how kind he was, how funny he was, how quick he was at learning, what a great hero he would be. You knew he didn’t take kindly to pity, either.

Yet, you couldn’t help but feel the burn in your chest when he gave you another one of his forced smiles.

“Ha!” he laughed a little too loud, a noticeable strain in his eyes. It was the end of class, and you had made sure to catch him. “I’m sorry, but I completely bombed my math test and have to retake it. I’ll make it up to you, I promise!”

“...how about tomorrow, then?” you asked too slowly, too cautiously. Too safe for someone who was talking to a person they’ve been in love with their whole life.

“I can’t,” Mirio apologized again, and at that point, you stopped listening. If you listened, you wouldn’t be able to keep the strain in your voice from breaking.

You could never forget the day Mirio came back with Eri and Midoriya but not Nighteye.

Everyone praised him for how strong he was. How he was still able to smile even after losing his quirk. That was the worst part, that all they ever talked about was his quirk, not the fact that he saved millions of people or that his mentor died in his arms.

They talked about him like he was dead. What made it hard to sleep at night was that you felt like he was slowly dying, too. No one could see it but you.

That’s why you had to be the strong one in the relationship now.

That’s what you kept on telling yourself.

‘Selfish, selfish, selfish.’

Mirio was like a breath of fresh air. Always looking for improvement, for something better. Just being around him made your days brighter and your smiles wider.

You were so reliant on Mirio’s happiness it felt like a punch in the gut without it.

‘Selfish-’

“Are you okay?” Nejire asked, for what felt like the hundredth time even though it was a new day. The lunchroom was alive, everyone munching and laughing around you. “You’ve been picking at your lunch for the past fifteen minutes.”

You blinked, then looked down at your food. It was one of the salads that you usually never bought, pressed and sliced together by the jabbing of your plastic fork. Disregarded and not even eaten.

“It’s nothing, it’s just-” you swallowed, not looking directly at her face but not looking away either. “I-I’m just thinking of Mirio, that’s all.”

She hummed, like she knew exactly what was on your mind. It was scary how Nejire could read even the most distant of strangers, but that’s what made her such a people person. You didn’t even need to say anything for her to say the next thought.

“You should talk to him, you know?” Nejire suggested, her eyes boring into yours. “There’s something bothering you and he should know it.”

You frowned. “But isn’t that a little-“

“Selfish?” she interrupted, and you jumped at how quickly she guessed it. “Sure it is, but relationships are selfish things anyways.”

You thought about her words when you were lying down on Mirio’s bed, waiting for him to get back to his dorm. He had insisted that he needed to take care of Eri and help Midoriya train, that it was something that was essential. Who it benefited more, you don’t really know.

Your eyes scanned his walls. There were pictures of every kind. There was one of him and Tamaki when they were kids, and when Tama still had braces. There was one of him and you at the beach, one of the first anniversary dates you had gone on. Mirio swept you off your feet and rented a boat for the both of you to relax in while watching the sunset in the middle of the sea. One of your favorites was with you, Mirio, and Nighteye. It was the first time you had ever met his mentor, and Mirio had insisted on taking a picture with the two most important people in his life.

Your heart burned with nostalgia and melancholy, and the door slammed open.

“Oh. You’re here,” Mirio acknowledged. No greetings whatsoever.

“I just wanted to hang out with you,” you shrugged off, trying to be nonchalant about the way he addressed you. “If that’s what you want-“

“Of course I want to hang out with you,” he said, a little too enthusiastically.

These days, Mirio was off. However, today, there was something really off about him. It wasn’t noticeable to the naked eye, but you’ve loved Mirio for years. His hair wasn’t as expertly styled as it usually was, flopping to the side. His eyes were less shiny and more strained, like he hasn’t slept in days. There was a scruff on his chin that he usually shaved off as quickly as it grew.

There was something, so, so off. And maybe you were tired of pretending there wasn’t anymore.

“Are you okay?” you asked quietly. Something you never did before, because your relationship with Mirio was always so bright and loud and happy-

“What?” he asked incredulously, as if you had just slapped him in the face. After all, he never did take too kindly to pity. “Of course I’m okay. Do I look like I’m not okay?”

He looked far from okay.

His voice got louder with each word, it was almost a yell. Mirio had never yelled at you once, not even during an argument. You didn’t want to turn this into an argument, you came to talk to him, not argue.

“You just look a bit tired.”

And it wasn’t a lie, he did look tired, but he didn’t look okay either.

“Oh. So, why are you here again, Y/N?” He started to fiddle with his shirt; it was always a nervous habit of his.

You were sure his words weren’t intended to sound as harsh as they did,yet you still felt a sharp pain as he spoke.

“I just came here to hang out with you,” You reached out to grab his hand. “We haven't spent any time together in a while.”

Mirio tensed as your hand touched his, but he didn’t pull away. He quickly plastered on another one of his smiles and pulled you up from his bed. For a moment you felt at ease. You believed everything would go back to normal. Back to the way it was before he lost his quirk, before Nighteye died, before you lost him.

God, that was so stupid.

You had only spent a few hours with Mirio at the mall since Aizawa called him to come immediately. You didn’t really know why, but you just assumed it had to do with Eri and didn’t question him about it. Not that he would pay much attention to it anyway.

As soon as the call ended he quickly kissed your forehead, muttering “bye” and walked off without an explanation other than, “Gotta go, Aizawa-sensei says it’s urgent.”

Being with Mirio always made you so happy. Studying with him, the late night talks, even the training, whatever it was you always felt content around him. But now it just felt like something was missing. It felt somewhat empty.

But you tried to look on the bright side. Mirio and you went on a “date” for the first time in a while. Granted you just walked around the nearby mall and chatted, but it was better than nothing at all.

You arrived back at the dorms with the dumbest smile that nobody could ignore. It may have been stupid to be happy over such a simple thing, but you couldn’t help it. It was okay to be happy at least once in a while, right?

“Y/N-chan? Seems like talking to Mirio went great!” Nejire’s cheery voice interrupted your thoughts.

“You could say that, Nejire.”

It had been a while since Nejire, or anybody for that matter had seen you walk into a room so happy. Usually you’d just walk into the dorms and walk straight to your room and if anyone greeted you, you’d shoot them a quick smile and keep walking. It was nice to see you smile and happy again.

She knew something was wrong, but she couldn’t ruin your happiness.

Maybe she should have.

. . . . . .

You hadn’t had a proper conversation with Mirio in a week. Every now and then you’d see him around campus or in the dorms, but he whenever you would start to walk up to him he’d either try to find a way to avoid you or say some bullshit lie. You would be lying if you said it didn’t irritate you in the slightest.

Clearly something was wrong.

But if anything it worried you. Had you done something wrong? You didn’t think so, in fact you thought the date last week had gone really well. Did Mirio not feel the same, did he hate it?

Did he hate being near you so much that he had to ignore you rather than simply talk to you?

Why didn’t you notice it sooner?

“No, stop it…” You mumbled to yourself.

It was so obvious.

Your attempts in trying to calm yourself were futile, questions kept running through your mind. So many what if’s. Lying in a dark room alone with your thoughts wasn’t doing you any good either, but it was almost midnight. But surely if you only went outside for a quick second, just to get some fresh air, you wouldn’t get in trouble.

Maybe you should’ve stayed inside.

The door creaked as you slowly opened it to try to avoid anyone from hearing you. God knows how alert every person in 3-A is, especially considering all the villains roaming around now. You did not feel like getting punched in the face by one of your classmates, you were doing a splendid job of that already all on your own.

You wrapped your blanket around you as you walked towards the entrance. For a second you just stared at the doorknob. You couldn’t put a pin in it, but when you touched the doorknob it felt almost as if it were begging you not to.

Maybe you should have listened.

Before you could open the door somebody else had opened it. At first you panicked thinking it was a teacher, maybe even a thug just trying to get their hands on something valuable. Instead of being met with a slap or yell, you saw the person you loved most in the world, the one you’d loved for years.

The person who supposedly loved you.

“Mirio…” His eyes went wide when he realized it was you standing in front of him.

“Why are you up so late? It’s nearly midnight.”

You expected him to respond with something sarcastic, maybe even a “Well, you’re up too. Looks like we both got some ‘splainin to do, babe.” But he didn’t say any of that, he just said a curt “Felt like it” and kept standing still. You looked down at your hands and fiddled with the blanket draped around your shoulders.

He was so still.

“Y/N, could you move, please? I need to get to my room.” Without thinking you moved to the side so he could pass.

‘No…’

“Night, Y/N,”

‘No!’

“Sweet dreams.”

“N-no…” He turned back to look at you, looking beyond puzzled. Before he could question you, you were already gripping his wrist tightly and looking up at him. Oh, how he wished he didn’t look at you in that moment. Seeing you made his heart only made his heart ache and it only made his guilt worse.

You both looked like messes. You looked sick, and perhaps it was just the light, but he could help but worry for you. And your eyes–oh, your eyes. They showed him everything he needed to know. You were close to crying, he could see the tears in your eyes, he could see all the emotions you kept hidden. How long had you kept them hidden, though? He knew he hadn’t been the best person in the world to you lately… but surely he couldn’t have done to you, could he?

Seeing Mirio didn’t help your confidence whatsoever. His clothes were rather loose, quite unusual for him, and his eyes looked dull. Did he look this bad before? No, he didn’t… did he? Had you been that selfish that you didn’t even pay attention—

No.

You weren’t being selfish.

You let tears fall and let out a shaky breath, trying to prepare yourself for the worst. Mirio looked down at you, terrified of what you’d say.

“No, no more.. no more lies, no more bullshit, please–” Your grip on his wrist tightened. “Mirio, please, for once in months can you just talk to me? Can you just tell me the damn truth instead of lying to my face. Please, that’s all I want!”

He couldn’t even look at you.

“For fuck’s sake, I just want the truth!” Your voice faltered and you let out a sob.

“Why?! The truth will only hurt! Do you want to be hurt that badly?!”

Both of you seemed to forget that your classmates were asleep and you needed to be quiet. One by one, the other eighteen students started piling into the room. Some tried to shush the other or shoo them away, but even they were compelled to watch you and Mirio. They pitied you.

They knew.

“As if you haven’t been hurting me already! Don’t act as if you care about me being hurt or not, we both know you don’t!” Mirio went to argue but you cut him off before he could get a word in.

“If you did care, you wouldn’t act like such an asshole to me! You wouldn’t lie, you wouldn’t ignore me, you wouldn’t flinch when I go to touch you or kiss you, you would actually talk to me again instead of treating me like a fucking doll you can just throw to the side when you feel like it!”

Mirio was rarely speechless, but right now, he couldn’t find the right words to say to you. “I-I… Y/N–”

“If you actually cared about me then you wouldn’t have done this to me, Mirio. You wouldn’t have done any of this.”

“Fu-fuck! I’m cheating on you, okay? I don’t love you anymore! I haven’t loved you for a long time!”

“Are you happy?!” Mirio screamed at you.

He didn’t mean to, but he couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t stand the guilt any longer, he couldn’t stand to see you anymore– he couldn’t stand to see the horrible reality.

Why didn’t he just tell you in the first place?

The room went silent.

Of course everyone else had known, or at the very least had a small inkling at one point. Yes, they knew, but they never heard it said out loud nor had they never heard Mirio actually admit it.

It may have been wrong to see it in a way, but it was as if they were watching a high school romance movie unfold before them. Except movies have happy endings. They have to, people watch them to escape the horrid reality of life, not to relive it.

Mirio was the first to speak up after two minutes of silence. “Shit, Y/N– I’m sorry, Y/N? Say something, please.” He put his hand on your shoulder hesitantly, but you immediately smacked it away.

“Why… why?”

That’s always the question people ask, isn’t it?

“I… I didn’t love you anymore, but I wasn’t sure yet. All–all I knew was that it didn’t feel the same, I didn’t feel the same with you anymore. And she– Yui, you know her, don’t you Y/N? She was there…” He rambled.

You scoffed at his response. You didn’t care, it all sounded like some random story he came up with on the spot. And to be honest, Mirio didn’t know what the truth was and what wasn’t anymore. He just wanted this to be over, he wanted to go to sleep and wake up only to realize it was a dream.

“Do you regret it?”

“Y/N–” You finally let go of his wrist and looked back down at the floor, screaming as loud as you could at him.

“Do you regret being with her?!”

Would you regret asking that question?

He looked to the side and saw his and your two closest friends, Nejire and Tamaki. Would they think of him differently now? Would you still be friends with them after this?

“...I don’t regret being with her.”

“I don’t love you, Y/N.”

There it was.

The truth.

He kept talking, apologizing and saying how he should’ve told you upfront, but you weren’t paying attention. You got your answer, just like you wanted. He gave you the truth, and it hurt, just like he said it would.

You kept your head down and started to walk towards the elevator. At first you felt a bit dizzy, but you knew you’d be fine, you had to be fine. You heard some of your classmates calling after you, two of them being Nejire and Tamaki, but you couldn’t hear Mirio.

He didn’t look at you as you walked away, he didn’t call after you either.

Soon, people went back to their rooms to sleep for as long as they could before school began. They couldn’t hear your sobs and screams. They couldn’t hear you whispering pleas for this to be a nightmare, a horrible wretched nightmare. They couldn’t hear you as you held onto a gift Mirio had gotten you and muttered, “What did I do? I loved him– I love him, wasn't that enough? Isn’t it enough? Why wasn’t I enough?!”

No, they couldn’t hear you, but they knew.

[sweetcathedral]

Note: The reblogged continuations looked weird on phone format, so here’s a cleaner one with a link for Part 1. Link for Part 3 will be updated here tomorrow!

⚠️: Reader’s discretion is advised. This chapter contains forms of dubious consent and explores the theme of sex being used as self-harm.

They sat together in comforting silence, thinking of nothing but the serenity of having each other by their sides.

“Hey, Tsukki.”

“Mm?”

“Just message me next time you feel like sleeping around.”

Contemplating silence. Maybe what he said was stupid, or Tsukki had fallen asleep, or he’ll be met with another cold—

“Okay.”

Suna blinked, taken back by surprise. “What?”

“I said okay.”

“Oh.”

“What do you mean ‘oh’?”

“No, I just—I thought you’d be opposed to it.”

“They’re not as … good … as you,” Tsukki mumbled.

Suna grabs his face tilting it up.

“Assho—!”

“Say that again.”

“No!” Tsukki shakes his head out of his hand, so that he could turn around and face him properly. “Just because I’m sleeping with you doesn’t mean I like you, okay? Pleasure. We’re only using each other for pleasure, okay?”

Suna knows.

“I know. But I couldn’t quite catch what you said before, you put water in my ears.”

“I said, they’re not as good as you.”

“Not as good as me in—?” He baited Tsukki to fill in the blank.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!”

“Say it, or I’ll drown you,” Suna said over Tsukki’s voice.

“They’re—” Tsukki’s ears were turning red again, “they’re not … they’re not as good as you in bed! There I said it!”

Suna burst out laughing. Tsukki kept splashing him to calm him down, but he was having too much fun poking at Tsukki after he had admitted how good Suna was compared to the other guys.

They finished up their bath in silence, Tsukki fell asleep while they were in the tub, so Suna finished cleaning him up first. After dressing Tsukki in clean clothes and putting him to bed in the spare bedroom, he went back to the bathroom to finish his bath with a quick shower.

Finally alone, he let out a loud sigh. “Fuck,” he mutterd under his breath.

Suna knows. He knows what he’s in denial of, he knows that Tsukki likes Kuroo, he knows that Tsukki would never choose him, that he’s just a rebound to pass time as Tsukki gets his shit together. I know, I know, I know I know I know I know I know. I. Know. But this relationship was better than nothing. He didn’t care what he had to sacrifice, as long as it kept Tsukki from spiraling out of control. And if it costs him to break a relationship to make Tsukki happy, he’d do it in a heartbeat, because that’s all he wanted Tsukki to be. To be happy.

“Oi, Suna!”

Tsukki waved his hand over his face. “What are you dozing off for?”

“Nothing, just thinking about what to have for dinner later on.”

“Hinata, Kenma and Atsumu are trying to invite us for korean bbq tonight. You coming?”

“Sure, I’m free.”

A couple of weeks have passed since he dropped by Kenma’s place to hand Atsumu a package Osamu needed to get to him urgently. He had planned to give it to Tsumu as soon as he saw him, but everytime he did, the package wasn’t with him in person. Osamu kept reminding him to the point of pestering paranoia that he ended up at Kenma’s place in the middle of the night, so that he could finally sleep in peace and not have nightmares of Osamu killing him for not delivering the package in a timely manner. Thank God Kenma allowed him to stay over. According to Atsumu, the package wasn’t even a big deal as Osamu made it out to be. Again, Suna got caught in the twins’ antics and bickering over the phone. The package in question wasn’t physically that big (looking at it from the outside), but when he caught Atsumu opening it and holding it in his hand the physical appearance didn’t matter anymore. Suna had delivered an engagement ring to Atsumu on behalf of Osamu, not knowing the story behind it and not caring to know it. Not a big deal my ass.

Once Suna’s paranoia disappeared, he was finally able to resume back to his daily life routines. Except, this day also wasn’t part of his routine.

“Where are you taking us?” he questioned Tsukki to remind him again.

“Shopping for new shoes.”

“Couldn’t you do that alone?”

“Yeah, but then I won’t have an excuse to get out of conversations with fans that I bump into. I’ve been bumping into them almost everyday thanks to Kenma’s Portugal vlog with Hinata, and his fans have been asking me to do another one with Kenma too.”

Tsukki grimaced, while looking at the maps app on his phone, leading the way to the store he wanted to checkout.

It’s true Kenma’s fans go overboard about wanting to know what goes on with everyone that appears in his videos, but as long as they don’t force themselves onto them, then it’s fine.

“Hey, could you guys be Tsukishima Kei and Suna Rintarou? Volleyball players, right?” A cheery woman walked up to them, coupled by two of her friends waiting close by to confirm their curiosity.

“Yeah, you watch our games?” Suna replied with a smile, covering for Tsukki. “Sorry, he’s a bit shy.”

“Oh that’s okay, we didn’t mean to take up your time,” she clarified hurriedly, “we just wanted to know if it was okay to get a picture with you guys?” She timidly asked, perked with anticipation.

“We don’t mind,” Suna kicked Tsukki’s foot, still keeping his facade on. “We have a bit of time to spare for you guys, right Tsukki?”

A harmless response, yet calculative in a polite way to let their fans know that they’re only free for the picture and nothing more.

Tsukki fidgets behind Suna then reluctantly steps out, properly greeting his fans.

One of the girls tried holding the phone in an angle that could get them all together, but Tsukki and Suna were too tall.

“Here, how ‘bout I hold it for us,” Suna offered, winking at the woman, which sent her into a flustered expression. “Okay! Ready, one, two—”

“Three!” They ended the chant in unison.

Once they confirmed their satisfaction with the picture, they bowed their goodbyes to each other.

“What’d you do to make her friend blush like that?”

“Fan service.”

“Not scared that you could’ve turned her into a stalker?”

“Don’t need to be scared. Stalkers start their day stalking, she started the day with her friends not knowing they’d bump into us.”

“That’s some deduction.”

“I’ve dealt with a few stalkers before, so it’s only natural to know so I could avoid it in the future.”

“Scary.”

“Is it around here?” Suna looked around for the shoe store Tsukki had on his phone, swiftly changing a conversation he didn’t want to get into details about.

The thought of it sent a shiver down his spine.

“Ah, over—here.”

“Tsukki?”

“You guys are here too?”

Just as they spotted the store, Suna and Tsukki bumped into Hinata, Kageyama and the woman Suna saw in the gossip articles, Kuroo’s girlfriend.

“Tsukishima, Suna … what the hell?” Kageyama narrowed his eyes in annoyance.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“Kageyama wanted to improve his foreign language skills with her, but we also planned to buy shoes afterwards, so we met at Kuroo’s place and now we’re finishing the day off with shoes.” Hinata rambled, explaining their day to Tsukki.

“No, I wasn’t—I didn’t mean it literally.”

“Dumbass,” Kageyama snickered.

“Huh? But you asked.”

“That’s,” Tsukki sighed in defeat, “nevermind.” He shook his head, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Oh, by the way, this is Kuroo’s girlfriend.” He introduced you to Suna.

“Hello,” Suna bowed.

You bowed in return.

For someone who’s usually sneering at almost everyone, Tsukki was composed, unable to look anyone in the eye.

“We can come back later on if you want,” Suna spoke to him in a low voice.

“Why? We’re already here.”

Suna and Tsukki followed behind the trio into the store.

What Suna could tell from Tsukki wasn’t anger, jealousy or sadness, he was uncomfortable and awkward—withdrawn—maybe because everyone else seemed to get along with her and Tsukki didn’t know how. The one thing they had in common was their feelings towards Kuroo, from what Suna can presume.

“Are you gonna shop for shoes too?” You asked, trying to strike up a conversation.

“Nah, I only came ‘cause of Tsukki.”

Out of the five of them, you and Suna stood by waiting for the three to pick their shoes as they made snarky remarks at each other.

“Are you finding the stay okay?” Suna picked the conversation up.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” your feet fidget. “I’m finally able to take a well needed vacation after working non-stop for a year.”

“What do you work as?”

A question not asked out of curiosity, only to keep the conversation from dying in awkward silence.

“Artist, specifically a painter.”

“Nice. I never thought of Kuroo as the artsy type, so how’d you guys meet?”

“Through Kenma,” your eyes softened. “We were able to meet thanks to him.”

Kenma? “Oh, you knew Kenma first?”

“Yeah, although I only met Kuroo in person after a few years of being friends with Kenma,” you nervously laughed.

A few years? Suna thought back to what he knew from the articles, but he never thought about the extent of your relationship with Kenma. Your connection with him only surfaced when the rumours between you and Kuroo were making headlines. You also never appeared in any of his videos, nor were you ever mentioned by Kenma himself. So who were you to Kenma?

“Did you meet Kenma as a fan?”

“No, I actually didn’t know he was a pro gamer until afterwards.”

“Oh?”

“We met at E3, and I guess Kenma came as a shareholder instead of what he’s known for.”

“So you game at the side too.”

“No, not as seriously as Kenma. I went as a shareholder as well.”

“Hey! You guys wanna head to the bbq place now?” Hinata interrupted.

Kageyama and Tsukki trailed behind him, looking satisfied with their new purchases.

“Oh, I’m heading back for the day. I still haven’t prepared Kuroo’s dinner and he’s working overtime today,” you politely declined.

“Aw, boo,” Hinata pouted.

“Sorry, maybe another time. I still have a few more months before I leave.”

Hinata continued making excuses for Kuroo to starve, so that you could join them for the bbq, but you seemed to purposefully be avoiding hanging out with them.

“Do you not like us?!”

“That’s not what I’m saying!” You yelled back at Hinata. “I’m saying that I’ll look like a whore if I’m the only girl there!”

“Then I’ll be a whore with you!”

“That’s not how it works!”

“Oi, if she said no it’s no! And that’s Kuroo’s girlfriend you’re trying to ask out!” Kageyama smacked him upside the head.

After Tsukki broke the fight off, they decided to drop you off at the station. Suna felt disappointed at the thought of not getting to know you better, there were still questions he wanted to ask, but at least he got to see how the others were around you. Although, Tsukki had different reasons for being the way he was.

Hinata and Kageyama didn’t even talk about you behind your back, once you were gone. Kageyama was excitedly going over his new phrases and vocabulary with Hinata, and talked about how easy it was to learn from you, like a kindergartener talking about their first day of school. On the other hand, Hinata was still annoyed that you weren’t able to come, but he was already planning where and whom to hangout with next. Their excitement expressed how comfortable and happy they are to be around you, except for Tsukki.

Tsukki neither expressed his like or dislike of you, not that Suna knew anything about you, yet. He barely got to know you, except for the fleeting, but daunting, mention of Kenma. A thought he’ll overthink before he sleeps in the nights to come.

They arrived at the korean bbq place and found Kenma and Atsumu at their reserved table at the back corner of the restaurant, right by the washroom.

“Took you guys long enough,” Atsumu scooted over, making room for the rest.

“Hinata was begging her to join us and wouldn’t let go until we dropped her off at the station,” Kageyama exasperated.

Kenma turned to Hinata, putting his phone in his pocket. “Someone’s attached.”

“But she’s fun to be around and it’s not like she’ll be here for long,” Hinata sulked.

“You can see her another time. It’s not like she’s gone forever.”

“You can see her any time. I don’t have that much money like you to be saying it that easily.”

It’s true. Out of everyone seated at the table, Kenma was the only one rich enough to say he could travel easily, despite them being pro athletes. Must be nice to be that free.

Time flew by fast as they got lost in their conversations and topics, blissfully filling their stomachs with good food and light beer.

Suna couldn’t help but overthink about the way your name sounded coming from Kenma’s mouth, but they had suddenly stopped mentioning you after a quick change of topic, thanks to Atsumu. There was no mention about the ring Osamu had been pestering Suna to give to him, so he had assumed that it could be fake, although the conversation the twins had over the phone sounded serious.

Tsukki was seated across from him, intently listening in to Atsumu and Hinata rambling on about their sponsorships and what to do in their upcoming fans meeting, while scrolling through his phone. Placid as usual, but nothing out of the ordinary … though he can feel Tsukki brushing his foot up his ankle under the table in a discreet manner. He glances up to Tsukki, nonchalantly keeping a poker face, blending in with the right reactions to the conversation. Suna knows he was the one who proposed this type of relationship first, but his intentions weren’t the same as what Tsukki is probably thinking of.

Suna gets up from the table, naturally Atsumu and Kageyama adjust themselves to make room for Suna to get out with ease. “I’ll be back,” he tells them.

He takes a trip to the washroom and heads out the back door of the restaurant for a smoke. And of course, after a while, Tsukki followed him outside.

“You free tonight?” Tsukki asked in a mellow tone, lightly tapping Suna’s feet with his.

“Again?”

“So you’re not free?”

Everything clicked in Suna’s head. It all made sense now, and he was right to keep Tsukki close to him by proposing this type of relationship. Whenever Suna turned him down to fuck, it’s not that Tsukki agreed with his answer, he just found another way to get what he wanted by calling someone else. The options Tsukki keeps in his phone is just his last resort, if things didn’t go the way he wanted them to. The only time Tsukki wants to fuck is when something related to Kuroo comes up; the point where he wants to forget the most. How could Suna not notice after all this time they spent together? Tsukki never talked about how he really felt about anything. This whole time Suna thought that Tsukki was getting better, but he had actually gotten worse. Maybe this relationship wasn’t a good idea in the first place, but Suna didn’t want to risk going back to how it was in the past, especially with how their relationship is now.

[...]

[Part 3]

[loveafterthefact]

Love After the Fact Chapter 75: Two Different Kinds of Tension

One of our lead couples has lunch with their in-laws and the other couples goes on a date.

Much, much later than I said it would be, here’s chapter 75!!!

First  Previous  Next

Adam is preparing to return home, watched by a very forlorn Galra. As eager as he is to go home, to get every detail of Altea back into working order, he finds a certain reluctance tugging at the back of his shirt. A part of him wants to stay.

“Do you really have to go?” Shiro asks, not for the first or last time, even though he already knows the answer. He wants Adam to stay too, or maybe he wants to follow. Neither is possible.

“Yes, I really have to go.” Adam pulls the last of his clothes from the captain’s closet, realizing just how many of his things -all of them- made it into Shiro’s quarters. “I’m leaving tomorrow with their Majesties and Pidge, as planned and expected.”

“I know. I know. I’m just really gonna miss you. You can’t blame me for that.”

“I suppose not.” Adam murmurs, laying out a set of nightclothes and a change of clothes for tomorrow on the stool up against the wall. “Though I still don’t really know what you see in me.”

“No, you don’t, do you?” Shiro hangs his shears on the wall, sweeping the trimmings off the floor below his trellises. The pieces he wants to keep are laid out on a worktable, ready to be tied and hung. All normal, innocent, except for the sly smirk on the man’s face.

Adam bristles. No one gets under his skin, sees everything underneath, the way Shiro does.

“I am a soldier, Adam. As far as I’m concerned, loyalty is the best characteristic a person can possess. The Captain takes his hand, gently tugs to pull him closer. “You fit that ideal more than anyone I’ve ever met. You’re clever, conniving, brilliant, beautiful-”

“That’s not-”

“It is true,” Shiro insists. “You are many things, and I wonder if you’re actually living up to your true potential.”

Adam licks his lips. Gulps. Melts against Shiro’s encompassing frame. “I am happy with what I’m doing. Though I’m not happy it’s time to leave.”

“It’s probably for the best, though. At least for now. My season is coming up in another movement. It might be a good thing you’re a planet away.”

“Right.” Adam’s edges fit with Shiro’s as best it can despite the size difference between them. “Call me after so I know you’re well, and let me know if I can send you anything.”

“Definitely. I’ll probably be missing your voice anyway. Maybe you could leave something of yours behind for me?”

“Just pick something. Whatever you want.” Adam closes his eyes, wraps his arms around Shiro’s waist. “I’m sorry I can’t give you more. I don’t want to leave you behind bonded to me.”

“I know. I’ll hold out for a day in the future, when one of us finally decides to retire. When we’re old and impotent.”

Adam scoffs. “Like we’ll like that long.” He steps back. “But I’ll look forward to it, just in case… What should we do with our last day?”

“Steal a ship and go for a joyride?” Shiro suggests. “I have something I’d like to show you.”

Adam regards his companion. “Yes, alright.”

“Excellent!”

As he pulls Adam down the hall, he never lets go of his hand. Adam doesn’t let go either.

Lance sighs, finishing the final clasp on his vest. “Can’t believe we’re going from baby joy to lunch with Zarkon. Are we being punished?”

“I’m just surprised he actually wants to see me,” Keith admits, tossing his now ill-fitting vest aside in favor of traditional clothes. He plans to decline a new wardrobe upon his return, at least until he has the kit. There’s no point in wasting materials. “I bet it’s just out of obligation. We’ve been here a phoeb and a half and he hasn’t called upon us yet. Word’s probably reached the people by now. Do I look okay?”

“What do you mean?” Lance asks.

“Do I… I want him to regret it. Throwing me away,” Keith whispers. “I want him to know he made a mistake.”

Lance stares at him for a long moment before kissing his forehead. “If he doesn’t already know, he will. That’s a promise, beloved. As for how you look, you look like a prince of Altea. We can do better, and we will soon, but this will do for now.”

“What does better look like?”

“Like a Galran prince of Altea. Like I said, when we go home, we’ll pick some better colors for you, and get some new jewelry made, and maybe replace this-” Lance points at Keith’s circlet. “-with that comb I gave you.”

Keith smiles, takes a deep breath. “Let’s grab Bruna and Calik. I don’t feel like walking- hi, baby!” BleepBloop scurries in, leaping into Keith’s open arms, wrapping his own arms around the prince’s neck. “Aw, I missed you too. You wanna come make a mess at lunch? Yeah, let’s go.”

“My only real competition,” Lance quips.

Keith cradles his pet, turning to his mate with a grin. “For now.”

Lance gasps, pretending offense. “That goes both ways, beloved!”

The princes mount their elk, returned this quintant by Krolia, hastening them on toward the compound at the top of the mountain. Krolia is waiting for them, smile quiet and subtle, another Galra with cheek and lip piercings standing beside her. “Bashti, take these elk to the stables; make sure they are fed and watered. Your majesties, I have been asked to escort you. His excellency has decided to eat outside today.”

Krolia leads them through halls into a courtyard bearing nothing but a table furnished with food and drink. The edge of the open ceiling is framed by columns, shaded halls beyond. The royal family is already there, Lotor speaking urgently to his father. Krolia leans in to explain.

“One of Captain Shirogane’s men, Haxus, failed to report a few quintants ago. No one has seen him since. This makes forty-seven members of the compound militia. Others have vanished from various fleets and battalions. Zarkon believes they are simply deserters. Lotor disagrees.”

Allura catches sight of them from her seat next to Lotor, face splitting into a grin when she sees her brother. She gets up, hurrying over, throwing her arms around her brother.

“Hi! It’s so good to see you both!”

“Hey! How’s my nibling doing?” Lance pats Allura’s rounding belly.

“Nibling is fine. I’m fine too, in case you were wondering. Lotor is… resisting the urge to commit patricide-”

“Sounds normal.”

“Yes. Romelle is… less fine, but she’s relatively healthy, so that’s something.” Allura tucks a loose curl behind her ear.

“I’m so sorry, ‘Lura.”

“It is what it is.” Allura smiles. “Father’s still looking, but at this point I’m not optimistic.”

“We’ll make sure she’s well taken care of, regardless.” Lance kisses his sister’s cheek, maneuvering carefully around her protruding belly. “Shall we go rescue your dear husband before he runs out of self-restraint?”

“Please and thank you,” Allura agrees. She pulls Keith into a hug. “I’m so glad to see you’re well-”

The prince pounds his fist on the table, making Allura jump. “IT IS NOT NORMAL!!!”

“Son, please. There is political upheaval. The people will adjust.”

Lotor seethes, jabbing a finger at his father. “You are completely-”

“Ah, Crown Prince Lancel, Prince Yorak! Welcome! I apologize for anything you might have overheard. My son and I were just having a disagreement.”

“It’s fine.” Lance waves away the emperor’s apology with a cheerful smile before helping Keith into his chair. “I’m just glad to know I’m not the only one who has the occasional screaming match with their father.”

“Oh, surely you and Alfor get along,” Honerva protests. “You are both so much alike.”

“I know.” Lance’s grin is sheepish as he takes his seat. If he notices the sly curl to the empress consort’s smile, he doesn’t show it. “I fear that’s where the problem lies. Our personalities are quite similar, but our views are quite different.”

“It is always this way with sons,” Honerva sighs. “It is for this reason I hope my sweet daughter is carrying a daughter of her own.”

Keith can feel the way Lance bristles at Honerva’s claim to his sister and nibling. He nudges his mate with his foot under the table.

Allura rescues them from a response. “Son, daughter, neither, either, I care not. If they are healthy and firm in their convictions, I will be satisfied.”

Zarkon grunts. “Better a son. At least let them present as male, so they’ll have better success in conquest.”

“Father, that is wildly archaic.” Lotor glares. “Conquest isn’t everything.”

“Conquest is the foundation for our entire society! If we have no conquest, we have nothing!” the emperor snaps.

Lance sighs. “Just when I think I understand you people…”

“Mnh. Understanding. A powerful thing,” Lotor agrees. “One that our peoples unfortunately struggle to find.” His gaze darts to his father with vicious accuracy.

Keith takes a deep breath, willing no one to start a fight as he starts in on his lunch. He has no real fondness for his uncle or aunt, less so as time goes on, as he processes everything these people have done to him. He meets his cousin’s eyes across the table, a flicker of understanding in his hybrid eyes.

“I’m working on it,” Lance continues, clearly trying to steer conversation. “I have a few ideas, but nothing actionable as of now… What concerns me is the fear. The locals here were terrified of me when I first arrived. It’s taken me my entire stay and a kronil attack to gain their trust, and I’m still not entirely sure that I have it.”

“They trust you,” Keith assures, dropping a kiss to his shoulder.

“Mnh. They did until we got back from your den in the woods and all my scales were glowing red.”

“They what now?” Allura looks up from her lunch, eyeing her brother with bafflement. “Why would they do that?”

When Lance only shrugs, Honerva cuts in. “Your alchemical abilities are unstable, aren’t they?”

Lance nods. Keith rises to his defense. “But improving every day.”

There’s a stretch of awkward silence in the wake of Honerva’s unimpressed look.

“At any rate,” Zarkon says, breaking the silence. “You all have much to learn, including how to be respectful of tradition. The Galra will not be altering their ways to please the Alteans. It’s your duty to make amends.”

“Make amends?” Lance frowns.

“Your people attacked us. Sooner or later, reparations must be paid.”

Lance inhales, ready to snap, but Keith kicks him under the table. The Altean bites his tongue, not willing to put Keith in the line of fire, even indirectly.

“I'm sure we’ll pay in one way or another,” Lance murmurs, thinking of his people’s declining numbers and quality of life. “We both will, I think. Having so much mistrust in your closest neighbor, it’s not good for any of us.”

Zarkon hums, watching Lance eat. He says nothing. No one does.

Keith watches his uncle, observing the way he inspects his mate. He can sense Honerva observing them, too. A glance at his cousin and sister-in-law shows that they’ve both noticed the imperial couple’s fixation on them. He wonders suddenly if his uncle can tell he’s pregnant, is already deciding how to use their kit the moment they’re born. Possibly before, if he can come up with something.

Have they made a mistake?

Keith finds Lance’s hand under the table, guides it to where his blade is concealed at his hip, a silent warning that they might be in danger. Lance laces their fingers together, acknowledging his concerns, promising support.

It only occurs to Keith much later that Lance was extremely careful not to reveal how much authority he has on Altea. He suspects that was for the best.

“So, you’ve seen rivers by now, and rain, and thunderstorms, but have you ever seen a sea?”” Shiro asks.

“I have not. I assume by your tone they are impressive?”

“I find them impressive, so I figure an Altean would as well. And this particular place has sentimental value to me.”

“Very well, then,” Adam sighs, pretending to find the excursion tedious. “Show me.”

Shiro kisses his cheek. “Always so contrary. I’ll settle us a ways back from the shore… This is where I was born, though it was a village at the time. It was destroyed in a skirmish before I lost my first set of teeth.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Mnh. Thank you, but I don’t really remember enough to be sorry myself.”

They both know that’s why Adam is sorry, but neither mentions it.

Shiro settles their ‘borrowed’ craft down on a flat bit of orange rock speckled with green corals, lowers the ramp. Adam takes the Galra’s hand preemptively, finding the action oddly satisfying. “Show me your sea, then. And what’s left of your first home.”

Shiro leads him from the craft, onto a swath of rock formations. The air smells of salt. “Watch your step. It’s just this way. I would have landed closer, but there’s not much more than sand where we’re going. It’s not good for the craft.”

Shiro leads him down the smoothed mounds of stone and around a bend, revealing a view of blue sky and brilliant green lagoon, waves curling over bright yellow sands. There are large, winged reptiles flapping overhead, diving into the water. In the distance, a great beast breaches the water, scales glinting in the sunlight, fins like wings as it sails long over the water.

“Well, here it is. The, um. The headman’s house was over there-” Shiro points their joined hands across the sand to the other side of the lagoon. “And there was a dock in the middle that stretched to the edge of the lagoon and across in both directions. The homes were made of wood and reeds, and they floated on the water.”

“What happened when it stormed?”

“We came ashore and hid in the cave cellars. Or so I’ve been told.” Shiro smiles. “We were a fishing village, and our livelihood came from the sea. Can you imagine it? Me? A fisherman?! But who knows, maybe I would have been good at it. Happy, even.”

“I can’t quite see you sitting on a mat of floating reeds, catching fish,” Adam muses. “I don’t think you could sit still long enough, if fishing actually works as I’ve heard it does.”

“With a stick and a string? Yes, that’s how it works.”

“Definitely not for you.” Adam gazes out at the green water, wind in his hair, salt in his nose, sun on his skin. “Then again, I imagine you would have loved the view. You could fish, and stare at it all day, imagining what’s beneath and on the other side.”

Shiro laughs. “I do think about it! Whenever I find the time to come here, I think about it… I’d like to take you back here, one day. To stay a few quintants, if it’s agreeable to you. I know it’s beneath you, but-”

Adam stops short, turning Shiro to face him. “It’s not. Nothing about you is beneath me, Takashi. Nothing at all. Please, if you believe nothing else, believe that.”

“If you say so.” The soldier gives him a crooked smile before leaning in to kiss him.

For once in his life, Adam decides not to resist change, or even hesitate, choosing instead to drown, to reciprocate. He pours as much into the kiss as he can, trying his best to feel sincere.

He lets their tongues twist, one smooth, one raspy. His fingers curl into the Galra’s short hair as their bodies press close together.

When they finally break apart, because that’s how it always is, Shiro’s gaze is part surprise, part questioning.

“I will miss you, Shiro. Every day.” It’s imperative that Shiro believes him.

“I’ll miss you too. Every day.” The Galra smiles, gray eyes shockingly warm.

Adam turns back to the sea, the waves sighing in his ears. “We should come back here someday. It’s quiet.”

“If ever we both find a day off, we will. But for this quintant, I think we have time for a walk?”

“Yes, we do.”

Grinning, Shiro reclaims his hand, leading him off across the sand, pointing out the remains of some architecture, a net stuck fast in a rockface.

When they return late in the evening, and Adam has time to pack all but the very last of his things, he finds hidden within them a small glass bottle full of bright yellow sand and a few tiny shells.

“Did you put this in here?”

“Yes. It’s a gift. I’ve had it as long as I can remember.”

Adam stares at the bottle, index finger running over a chip in the cork, a scratch in the glass. It’s an incredibly sweet gift, one he hadn’t expected.

“Takashi, will you do something for me?”

“Of course, if I can.”

“Will you- Will you write to me? Writing’s easier than talking.”

“Sure.” Shiro’s hands find his waist. “I look forward to reading what you have to write.”

“And I look forward to more gifts.”

Shiro chuckles. “I’ll see what I can do.”

Adam believes him. He promises himself he’ll reciprocate.

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

But You Can Never Leave [Chapter 2: Accept The Fucking Offer]

Series summary: You are an overwhelmed and disenchanted nurse in Boston, Massachusetts. Queen is an eccentric British rock band you’ve never heard of. But once your fates intertwine in the summer of 1974, none of your lives will ever be the same...

This series is a work of fiction, and is (very) loosely inspired by real people and events. Absolutely no offense is meant to actual Queen or their families.

Song inspiration: Hotel California by The Eagles.

Chapter warnings: Language.

Link to chapter list (and all my writing) HERE

Taglist: @queen-turtle-boiii​ @loveandbeloved29​ @killer-queen-xo​ @maggieroseevans​ @imnotvibingveryguccimrstark​ @im-an-adult-ish​ @queenlover05​ @someforeigntragedy​ @imtheinvisiblequeen​ @joemazzmatazz​ @seven-seas-of-ham-on-rhye​ @namelesslosers​ @inthegardensofourminds​ @deacyblues​ @youngpastafanmug​

The floor is quiet. Your patients—all except one—are sound asleep and mercifully keeping their call buttons at a distance. Patricia is camped out in the nurses’ station at the other end of the hall, chomping noisily on sunflower seeds and wailing along to Tammy Wynette on her portable radio. Queen is enjoying their fourth late-night picnic of the week. You close the door and check your watch; you have seven minutes left before your break ends.

“Let’s kill her,” Freddie suggests casually, hanging his smoldering cigarette out of the open window.

“You know that’s extremely bad for you.”

“What? Committing felonies?”

“I don’t think you’d do well in prison, Fred,” Roger says, popping a Cheeto into his mouth. “No sequined leotards. No cats.”

“Smoking,” you correct. “Smoking is extremely bad for you.”

Freddie takes a drag, exhales a fog of smoke, and grins at you beneath gleaming sunglasses. “Possibly. But darling, the aesthetic is divine. And you’ll take care of me if I get sick, won’t you? Ensure I get all the best drugs, procure new lungs for me on the black market?”

Brian rolls his eyes and nibbles a violet plum, then gestures for John to pass him a napkin as juice dribbles down his stubbled chin. John flaps the napkin just outside of Brian’s reach, yanking it away each time Brian swipes. Roger snickers, observing their exchange from his place on the floor, before eventually advising John to have mercy. Brian snatches the napkin and promptly whips John across the face with it.

“So now you have me committing felonies,” you tell Freddie with a smile.

“Keeps things spicy.” Freddie peers over at you, brow crinkled, studying you like an abstract painting. “Do you like your job, dear?”

Brian groans. “Fred, please, don’t interrogate her—”

“I’m not interrogating, I’m inquiring—!”

“It’s fine, seriously, Bri, it’s fine,” you say. Brian raises his hands in surrender. His coloring has improved, he’s gained five pounds, he’s being discharged tomorrow. Then Queen will be whisked across the Atlantic back to London...and that’s a truth you’re struggling to grasp. “I love what I do. Just not necessarily where I do it.”

Freddie nods, puffing on his cigarette. “Because of Nurse Queen of the Underworld.”

“Not just her.” You can remember being a child and worshiping at the altar of familiarity: your home, that old maroon Queen Anne-style house at the intersection of Apple Avenue and Arcadia Street; inhaling New England autumns; burying yourself in your mother’s soft, cream-colored knit sweaters that were dusted with the scents of homemade pies and Chanel No. 5; the creaks of that uneven, tobacco-stained wood floor of your father’s study beneath your bare feet. Whatever existed outside of your comfortable, commonplace universe—whatever monsters or treasures or undiscovered ringed planets dwelled there—held no interest for you at all. You wanted to live here, die here, raise your own family here, take your children to play under the same weeping willows in the Public Green that your grandparents had met beneath. And then one day, in the purging heat of the summer after your sophomore year of college...you woke up and realized that all those comforting things suddenly felt like a cage, that your fingers were threading bars made of your family and your friends and every grain of soil in Boston. Patricia is dreadful, of course, and has been since you arrived at Massachusetts General nine months ago; but she’s not what you’re running from. “It’s this hospital, it’s this city, it’s Boston. I was born here and I cherish it, don’t get me wrong, but I want to see the world. Mountains and lakes and cathedrals and castles and...and...you know. All the rest.”

“That’s how I felt about Cornwall when I was a kid,” Roger confesses. “I’d take my little acoustic guitar out into the backyard and look up at the sky as I played and think, ‘Is this really it? Am I ever going to get beyond all this to something more?’”

“Yes, yes, well no one asked for your autobiography, blondie,” Freddie quips. Roger chuckles, entirely unoffended. “Continue, dear.”

You think before you respond. When you do speak, it comes out heavier than you mean it to, more serious, more pained, whispered, your voice splintering. “I guess I just don’t want to die without really living first.”

The boys watch you for a while: Brian poised and pondering, Freddie seeking, Roger empathetic, John very quiet. John has spoken—at the absolute most—five words to you since you’ve met him; but you know he can get chatty with Freddie or Rog on occasion, and so you’ve held out hope that you can still win him over. Now you’re almost out of time.

At last, Roger raises his beer, smiling, showing the tiny points of his canine teeth. “Cheers to that.” And it sends something through you like a one-way ticket into a brand new world.

You laugh nervously. “Okay. Wow. Enough of all that, I have to go save lives now.” You wash your hands in the sink and pull on a new pair of gloves, dodging Roger’s large, affecting eyes.

“Do you have a boyfriend, lovely Clara Barton?” Freddie asks. They know your actual name, they’ve known it since night one, but they’ve taken to referring to you as whatever famous nurses they can recall from high school.

“Freddie,” Brian admonishes.

“What, I’m just asking—”

“No, actually, I don’t,” you tell Fred. “Why, do you want a Green Card?”

“Darling, no offense, but if I was going to marry for strategic purposes I would aim for someone far older and astronomically richer. With life insurance.”

“Thanks, Freddie.”

“You’re quite welcome.”

“Are you single? Since we’re all sharing our life stories.”

“I’m not,” he replies, somewhat cagily. “None of us are. Well, Brian certainly isn’t, and Deaky wasn’t last I checked, although he’s tricksy and awfully quiet about the whole affair, so I ought to confirm that at some point...how about you, Rog?”

Roger chokes on his beer and wipes his dripping nose with one fuchsia sleeve. “Uh, I, uh, yeah, yeah, uh, I’m single. Yes.”

“Oh?” Brian says, eyebrows raised. “Someone should probably inform Josephine.”

“That’s a casual thing. Super casual. Not exclusive.”

Freddie and Brian exchange a glance: an amused, smirking, what else can you expect from Roger? glance. You try to smirk at Roger too; but he shrugs guiltily, endearingly, with some mesmerizing spell of danger and innocence and wildness and beauty, angels and demons that you didn’t know could coexist without clubbing each other to death. And you mean to file this away as a warning, a reminder to keep your distance; but it feels more like blowing on embers until they leap into flames.

Bad idea, lady. Really, really, really, exorbitantly bad idea.

“Alright, I’m out. Brian, you have the call button if you need it. There’re extra cups and napkins in the cabinet and—”

You open the door. Patricia is halfway down the hallway and approaching quickly, glinting-eyed, stone-faced, keys grasped in her hand. A glimpse at your watch informs you that your break ended two minutes ago. You swing the door shut.

“Get out!” you whisper urgently, and Roger bolts for the window. He pitches his beer outside and helps John climb through the opening and drop safely to the ground below.

“Fred!” Roger hisses, waving, and he lowers Freddie out of the window next as you kick snack wrappers and empty bottles beneath Brian’s hospital bed. Bri smooths his blankets, turns off his lamp, shakes the peanuts out of his hair that John lobbed there. You rush to Roger as you hear keys rattling against the door.

“Here, I’ll help you...” Without thinking, you take his hands as he hesitates in the open window and steady him as he crawls out. You can see Freddie and John down in the darkness, reaching up to catch Roger when he falls. A sudden wave of mourning grips you. I’m never going to see them again. “Bye,” you say, without any cleverness at all. But Roger smiles like it’s the best thing he’s heard in weeks, maybe months, maybe ever. He glances to where your hands hold his.

“Bye,” he replies in that raspy, radiant voice. And then he’s gone.

You sigh shakily. You turn around. Patricia stands in the open doorway.

“Oh,” she says, grinning like a shark, almost gloating. “You are so fired.”

~~~~~~~~~~

“We’re sorry, we’re so sorry, you have no idea how—”

“It’s fine, Roger.”

You’re standing under a lamppost just beyond hospital property at 7:15 a.m. Your shift is over, your very last shift at Massachusetts General; Roger waited outside to meet you all night. There are swollen shadows beneath his eyes, his cheeks are flushed with fury and mortification, he’s edgy and pacing and chain smoking. The sun is bright and already hot, the Arctic terns cawing and swooping overhead.

“It’s not fucking fine,” he flares. “We got you fired—”

“Roger, I was miserable there. I was jaded and complacent and I felt trapped, I felt like I was standing in cement, I felt like I was suffocating and I didn’t know how to bail myself out of it or how to explain any of this to my parents. But now...thanks to Queen...I’m free. I got the shock I needed. I can move on.”

“You didn’t deserve to leave like that,” he insists menacingly. “That bitch isn’t going to write you recommendations. You were good at what you did, you were really fucking good, Brian was despondent before you took over. You deserved better.”

You shrug. “Life’s not fair, Rog.”

“That’s the truth.” He takes a drag off his cigarette and you hold out your hand. He stares at you, perplexed, but passes the cigarette. You smoke a few puffs, then give it back. Roger smiles. “I thought that was extremely bad for you.”

“Most of the best things are.”

“Well.” He shuffles his feet anxiously. “I have a proposition.”

“Yeah?”

“Since you’ve successfully untethered yourself from all your unfulfilling earthly obligations...come to London with us.”

You feel your jaw fall open, feel all the tension in your muscles unravel as the numb shock rolls through you. “Uh. I was thinking maybe the Peace Corps or joining a travel nursing agency or something.”

Roger winks and nudges your shoulder with his. “Transatlantic flights to London count as travel.”

“That’s...accurate...”

“No, seriously!” Rog presses. “Look, every time a band tours, the company hires a medic or a nurse to go with them. They stitch up busted faces, sanitize infected tattoos, prevent us from dying of alcohol poisoning, ice knocked-out teeth until we can get to a dentist, the works. We’re going to be recording as much as possible in London, but Brian will be on bed rest for most of the next few months. You can take care of him. Keep his spirits up. You’re good at that. We’ll all chip in to pay you if the company won’t, Freddie and John have already agreed to it and I know Brian will as soon as I ask. Then, when we inevitably go on tour again...you can be our travel nurse.” He grins confidently, electrifyingly, like he’s figured out all of life’s thorniest questions.

“Rog, I really appreciate the offer, but...uh...this is really too much, and I have no travel nurse experience whatsoever, and...and...look, you are all really talented, I mean that, but you have some seriously chaotic energy and I’m not sure global fame is in the cards for Queen—”

Roger interrupts you brusquely. “You said you love what you do. So you like taking care of people, right?”

“I do, yeah.”

“And you want to see the world.”

“Absolutely.”

“And you think we’re fun, don’t you? Exciting? Audacious? Reckless enough to keep you busy with the fallout of frequent near-death experiences?”

“That sounds about right.”

“So...” He waggles his blond eyebrows. “Come with us.”

You look up into the mid-June sky, as blue and churning as the Boston Harbor, and try to imagine it: packing your suitcase (you really don’t need to bring all that much), digging your passport out of your jewelry box (you know exactly where it is), telling your parents that you’re jetting off to Europe the next day (they would accept it, maybe they’d even be proud; you’d finally be striking out on your own), renting some cheap little apartment in London (you have enough savings to get you started).

“Accept the offer,” Roger says.

“I really don’t think—”

“Accept the offer.”

“—I just couldn’t impose like that, I mean you’re not making any money yet and—”

“Accept the offer.”

“—You guys shouldn’t feel like you owe me this just because I happened to—”

Roger cradles your face with rough hands, gazes fixedly into your eyes, and smiles blindingly. “Love,” he says. “Accept. The fucking. Offer.”

Bad idea, terrible idea, literally the worst idea in the history of human civilization.

“Okay,” you reply softly.

“Okay, like, for real okay?”

“Yeah.” And entirely against your will, you break into a grin. This is the start of the rest of my life. This is the graveyard of familiarity.

“Yes!” Roger cheers. He takes your left hand, raises it to his lips, bites you lightly across the knuckles: some feral, ludicrously on-brand vision of Roger as a Disney hero. I’m the Lady and he’s the Tramp. I’m Sleeping Beauty and he’s the Prince who’s going to finally wake me up, even if it means slaughtering a dragon or two.

“Cute,” you say sarcastically. But, actually, it sort of is.

“Can I walk you home?” Roger asks. “You live around the corner, right? I can help you pack. Oh, wait, maybe I should shower first, I don’t want your parents to see me like this...I am a literal ashtray...my hair is ridiculous...I think I still have some eyeliner on...is the fuchsia jacket too much...?”

You watch Roger as he scrutinizes himself fretfully, his words fading out of the picture, the world becoming a silent film. You can’t look away. If Brian’s a willow tree and Freddie’s a lightning storm, what is Roger? Wildfire, you decide.

He follows you through breezy, shaded Boston streets to the house at the intersection of Apple and Arcadia, with the solemn promise that he can borrow your shower and an old pair of gym shorts. You know he’ll charm your parents instantly, that they’ll fall in love with him. Everyone does.

When you look down at your left hand, there’s a vanishing silhouette of a bruise where he bit you; and if you really think about it you can feel that it still burns.

[letterboxd]

Beautiful Day: The Don Hertzfeldt Q&A.

In which the singular creator of It’s Such a Beautiful Day and the World of Tomorrow trilogy answers 57 questions put to him by the Letterboxd community, about death, gills, snacks, back flips, the best time of day to watch a movie, and the sick pleasure of emotionally destroying people.

Since his first animated outings in the 1990s, filmmaker Don Hertzfeldt has had a way of staring deeply into humanity’s soul via a humble stick figure, and his skill at blending existential questions with situational humor breeds intense reactions. To browse Letterboxd reviews of Hertzfeldt’s animated works is to meet film lovers at a rare, collective gathering point: heaping great piles of love for films that do “the exact opposite of helping with depression”.

There’s something optimistically anti-feel-good in Hertzfeldt’s works; a bleak view of the future, and a frank appreciation of death’s inevitability, that makes viewers urgently want to fix the way they’re living right now. “I’ve built a lot of my life philosophy on the messages of this film,” writes Misty, of his acclaimed It’s Such a Beautiful Day. “It has kicked my ass completely,” writes Dirk of the first, Oscar-nominated World of Tomorrow instalment, “making me angry at myself for letting trivial stuff take over things I love and making me happy I have so very, very much in my life to enjoy and be grateful for.”

The filmmaker’s magic lies as much in the process as the content: “Hertzfeldt is able to make every moment count,” writes Artpig, of the second WoT instalment, The Burden of Other People’s Thoughts, “every line of dialogue, every moment of silence, every note of music, every line of animation.” The World of Tomorrow films, says animation expert Toussaint Egan in our Letterboxd Show animation episode, are “some of the best science fiction films, period”.

And his timing. Oh, his timing. Just as the northern hemisphere days were turning cold, and the drawn-out misery of the pandemic was really taking hold all over again, Hertzfeldt tweeted:

WORLD OF TOMORROW EPISODE THREE everywhere october 9 5pm est 🚀

— don hertzfeldt (@donhertzfeldt)

October 8, 2020

And like that, World of Tomorrow Three: The Absent Destinations of David Prime was ours, an overnight gift to the quarantined and bereaved-weary, on Vimeo for all to rent or own. The gifts, they keep coming: a master list of movies that have their fingerprints on the World of Tomorrow universe, and now, in recognition of our community’s love for his films—and in his signature lower-case—the answers to questions asked in an exclusive Letterboxd Q&A.

To make things easier for Don, we grouped similar questions (and have noted which members asked what). Read on for more than you ever thought you might get to know about Hertzfeldt’s process, brain, heart and influences.

Filmmaker Don Hertzfeldt.

From “holograms that yell at you!” to the stunning colors, textures and folds of the blue mountains, to attributes David progressively deletes to make room for memories, would you please give us an insight into World of Tomorrow Three’s world-building process? —Letterboxd in the grand scheme of the series, episodes one and two still felt like baby steps to me. episode three was my first chance to really start blowing things up and exploring this universe. when i’m writing, i don’t want to worry about going over the top or think about structure or meaning or really much of anything yet. writing is playtime, it should be fun and messy. i want to go over the top. there is no top. i don’t want to start thinking too much until i’m rewriting and sorting through it all. thinking too much too soon can get in the way, like being too aware of when you’re trying to fall asleep. when you write a diary entry or a text to a friend, there’s no self-consciousness or creative blocks, you just write. it’s casual and fluid and automatic. but if you’re asked to write a term paper or a screenplay, suddenly all those lights turn off. it can be paralyzing. it’s hard to get to that place of truly not caring what anyone thinks and approach all forms of writing just as freely as writing those immediate thoughts in your diary. but that’s what i try to do.

When you start writing a new piece, do you usually start with a plot idea, a thematic idea, one uniform philosophical notion, or a little bit of each? —Kodiak J. Sanders, Trenz, Mr. Tables i don’t think i ever write in a straight line. i’ll jot down a hundred stray ideas over time, and one day i’ll sit down and see what connections might be made out of them. i really want this scene to be in the movie, so how do i get there? this is a good line, how can i get a character to say it? so the actual story usually only starts to reveal itself when i sit down to logic all these bits and pieces out. hey, in order to connect this strange idea to that strange idea, suddenly there is a very interesting third scene.

I’m astounded by how much the animation and the visuals improve with each instalment of World of Tomorrow. What have you done differently for each one? —Aske Lund, Cringetacular the characters needed to physically perform a lot more in episodes two and three so there were more demands put on the animation. when emily 4 dances or david staggers up a mountain, those sorts of scenes were animated in “ones”, which means doing 24 drawings per second versus my usual twelve. it’s still all 2D hand animation, just more of a classic disney approach that gives the movement a smoother look and a little more room for nuance. and obviously it takes a lot more work. but i hesitate to call such things improvements because i’m not sure i like the idea of different techniques being thought of as good or bad. it’s just another way of doing things. it really depends, sometimes super limited animation can be more effective.

Likewise, Part Three’s sound design is incredible. What conditions did you create it in, and what are all those sounds, and how do you have such an incredible command of the cut-to-silence trick?! —Letterboxd thanks, the sound design is always my favorite thing to do. other than julia’s lines, it’s easy to forget that all the animation starts with dead silence. obviously there’s no sound coming from a live-action set. so adding sound and music to everything, usually pretty late in production, is when all the stuff i’ve been working on suddenly starts to feel like an actual movie. this is not a future that works very well—particularly david’s, which predates everything else we’ve seen so far by a century or two—so you’re hearing a lot of creaky old hard drives booting up, electric distortions, and bent circuits from broken toys.

Emily and Emily Prime in a still from ‘World of Tomorrow’ (2015).

World of Tomorrow used to fill me with existential dread, but now with the current state of the world it’s become more and more comforting in a strange way. Do you feel that at all as you make new episodes? —mariano gg i wish that were possible but when i’m making something i’m usually so close to it i’m unable to see anything but all the things i need to fix.

Can you talk a little bit about sourcing the photo-realistic images for the backgrounds in Part Three? —Jack Moulton most of the environments were 2D images i built in photoshop, usually starting from close-up photos of different textures (like sandstone), all sort of reshaped and puzzle-pieced into something new. an easy to see example was david’s cockpit, which was cobbled together from all sorts of different old aircraft engine and machine parts. the trick in building and lighting these locations was always figuring out where the line was drawn in making these places realistic, but not too realistic for minimal characters to inhabit. i kept landing on a sort of painterly looking middle ground.

If the cloning process in World of Tomorrow existed right now, would you go through that process and create clones of yourself to prolong your life? —tim probably not, that process doesn’t seem to work so well.

If you were put into the world you’ve created, would you buy gills? —Lauren Torres i tend to avoid putting my head under because i almost always get water in my ears so i guess i wouldn’t need them. gills also seem like they’d be a real nuisance to keep clean.

What does love mean, and why do your characters go through so much effort to find it? —Andrew Michalko oh man.

In this year of years, what do you hope people will understand about death and its inevitability (or is it all there on the screen, and if so, that’s okay too)? —Letterboxd understanding death and its inevitability is maybe the most valuable thing a person can do for themselves.

Was the absence of Emily Prime in Part Three a practical decision [Don’s then-four-year-old niece Winona provided Emily’s voice] or an intentional departure from the first two films? —Michael it was both. i couldn’t find a way to fit her in naturally and i also felt like the series needed to start growing in other directions and not rest on the past. episode two had also been really difficult to write, it was so reliant on winona’s recordings, and it felt like the dam was really broken when i was finally able to write without any restrictions this time.

In a series like World of Tomorrow, where you headed in a direction that is a lot more plot-driven than your previous work, how far in advance do you plan? Did you always know this was in David’s past, or are these stories told one at a time? —Ryan Welch, Kodiak J. Sanders, julius, Alex Leon i could tell early on that this wasn’t a story like it’s such a beautiful day with a clear beginning, middle and end, but a much wilder thing that could continue to grow. the openness of it is still what makes it so interesting to me. i have all sorts of notes for the next episodes but if i already knew what would happen in episode nine i think that would take a lot of the air out of the tires and i’d start to feel like i was just connecting the boring dots. while writing, i’ve also had to be aware that there someday might be an episode nine so i can’t go wrecking the timelines before i get there.

What were the rocks and the gas pump that Emily fell in love with meant to represent? —Ekaneff she was learning how to love, and like all of us, in her youth she gravitated to a bunch of individuals that were wrong for her.

Aside from the ability to release more frequently, is there something about the episodic structure that you prefer/appreciate, as opposed to creating one larger feature-length film? —SiddFinch1 there’s just more freedom. the traditional running time of a feature film, 90 to 120 minutes, is a totally arbitrary number.

Have you ever considered writing a World of Tomorrow book or graphic novel? —Jay Smith the earliest ideas for world of tomorrow were sloshing around in a graphic novel called the end of the world that came out in 2013. but i don’t have any talent or much confidence in making another book like that. it’s a different world. when i look at someone like chris ware and then look at something like the end of the world, it’s like, “wow, baby made a mess”.

A page from Don Hertzfeldt’s graphic novel, ‘The End of the World’ (2013).

What attracted you to the unique style [of minimalist stick figures]? Is there a sense of intimacy that you feel you can achieve with this simplicity? —Evan Whitford when i was little, before i wanted to make movies i wanted to be a newspaper cartoonist. i think my drawings today might have more in common with newspaper comics than the sort of characters you usually see in animation. comic-strip panels were always composed in a very reserved way because they were generally intended to be skimmed. you needed to be able to read the strip in five seconds so you could be off to read the sports pages and obituaries. the comics pages were also under constant size and space restrictions. so they were minimal by design and the artists reduced their characters to only their most essential parts. there was no room for fussing. charles schulz said “i only draw what’s necessary”. and that’s actually incredibly hard to do. you’re accomplishing so much more with so much less.

i’ve also found that if there’s a scene that’s not playing right and bothering me, most of the time it’s because my composition was too cluttered. i almost always find myself removing things from the frame and trying to pare it down to only what’s necessary. very rarely do i ever think ‘i need to add more stuff in here’. because this shot is only five seconds long and i want you to be looking over here when this moment happens and this character says something, and if you’re distracted by this other flickering junk i put in the corner it’s going to throw everything off.

Animation-aside, which creative medium do you resonate with the most? —Bronkdan music.

How much did you pull from real-life experiences to make It’s Such A Beautiful Day, if any? What research did you conduct into memory? —Gunnar Sizemore, David Sigura, Micah Smith whenever i got a little stuck writing it’s such a beautiful day, i’d go back and reread my journal and pull more things out of it. dreams, conversations, small scenes. reading the journal now, it seems like i stole something from it every few pages. i also heavily researched neurological problems. it’s never said in the movie what exactly’s going on with bill, but i needed there to be a real diagnosis to base the medical writing on. so all the things he’s going through are real treatments or symptoms based on an actual condition. i didn’t want to ever come out and say, “he’s got terminal brain clouds”, or whatever in the movie, because then it becomes a “brain-cloud movie”, and that’s too easy for the audience to compartmentalize and distance themselves from… “brain clouds are so rare, that will never happen to me”. but not being told exactly what’s wrong with bill might help make the story more relatable and universal.

In what ways have you kept your mind fresh creatively? How do you keep yourself from slipping into complacency? —Watchmoviez, Drew’s reviews most creative blocks or stagnation come from anxiety, second-guessing and doubt. over the years i’ve learned to just sort of calm down and trust myself more. it’s like the old aesop fable: when you stop thrashing around in the water, the water becomes clearer and you can see more. if a scene isn’t working right, i can more easily chill out about it these days and trust that i’ll eventually figure it out—because i’ve figured these sorts of things out a hundred times before and i know by now that i’m not the sort of person who’s just going to allow a scene that isn’t working to remain in the movie. there’s a little more panic about that sort of thing when you’re young: “oh no, the movie sucks right now, will it always suck?!” i’ve reached the point where i know that i will not let it suck. and that sort of thinking allows all the movie gears to turn more easily.

Do you have a specific thematic, emotional or other miscellaneous motive in mind when including classical music pieces? —James Y. Lee when i’m listening to music and suddenly the right piece arrives, it’s usually blindingly obvious to me: there’s just no doubt this needs to be in the movie somehow. it’s like the idea has always existed and i’ve just finally uncovered it. it’s the same with writing. when the right thing floats along, it is striking and obvious and into the pile of notes it goes.

How much of your animation style lends itself to experimentation, such as discovering new tricks and pretty shots, that is then discarded if you learn it doesn’t work as intended? —Adam, Jacob i think i’m always experimenting. i figure if it doesn’t work, at least i’ve learned something.

What is the strangest compliment or critique you’ve gotten personally or of your work? —Elliot Taylor i’ve always remembered this one. i am so proud of you came out a couple years after everything will be ok. it was a continuation of that story, so it was basically the first time i had ever made a sequel. and everything will be ok had done really well when it came out. it won sundance and got all these great reviews. so i am so proud of you comes out and i remember reading this review that says, “everything will be ok was probably my favorite animated short of all time. it honestly changed my life. it was funny, sad, beautiful and just so wonderful. everything will be ok, boy did i love it. incredible. two thumbs up. truly, best thing ever. wow. so, unfortunately, its sequel, i am so proud of you, just feels like more of the same.”

A still image from ‘It’s Such a Beautiful Day’ (2012).

Are there any pieces of fiction that have influenced your work that we probably wouldn’t think of? —Gyani Wasp, Mikolaj Perzyna, Aaron McMillan, Harrison, Axel, Cringetacular, The25centman, Hunter Guidry one thing that pops to mind is the phantom tollbooth. my favorite children’s books were the ones with all the fun metaphors and clever wordplay. when i was plotting out episode two i wanted to lean into that, where visiting different sections of emily’s brain would be like milo visiting the land of math, the land of letters, the land of sound, with different looks and logic to it. so we had the bog of realism, glimmers of hope, broken memories, the logic center, and all the stuff in triangle land and square land. i guess that’s a lot but i wish there had been a bit more.

How did your friends and family respond to the “my anus is bleeding” part of Rejected? —Alex Tatterson they were pretty used to me by then.

Do you know of the work of David Firth, the internet animator? His work is also surreal and has dark humor, but more sinister than whimsical. Would you ever consider making an animation in the realm of horror in future? —KEVIИ HДWKIИS i’m afraid i don’t know him. i’d love to make a horror movie. from a certain point of view though maybe it could be argued that most everything i’ve made is a sort of horror movie?

My first tattoo is of Billy from Billy’s Balloon hanging from his ankle and it was the best decision I’ve ever made. How do you feel about people having your work tattooed and do you have any ink from other creatives that have meant something to you? —Elias it really fucking enrages me when people get my stuff tattooed on them. no just kidding. mostly i feel embarrassed but i’m glad you haven’t changed your mind about it yet. sometimes i wonder how many people have.

Have you ever thought about directing live action? —Abeer, Noah Thompson yes.

Is there an update on your feature film Antarctica? —Rylan California it’s one of many things swirling around.

Will you do a remake of Robocop and why not next year? —Simon no, because robocop is already sort of perfect.

Do you ever see yourself directing a large studio film? Or working with a large team to make something with a higher budget, maybe through a crowd-funded project? Or do you just strongly prefer working on your own? —Vteyshev, Monotone Duck sure. i’ve never preferred working on my own at all. it was usually just the only way to ever get anything made. i haven’t had the funding to pay a big crew, or really much of a crew at all. there’s the old saying: you can make something good, you can make it fast, and you can make it cheap, but you can only pick two. if you make it good and fast it won’t be cheap, if you make it cheap and fast it won’t be good, etc. so my only route in hoping to make something good and cheap has been to totally forget about making it fast.

What did you find digital animation added or took away from your work, and what did those changes do for your storytelling? Will you continue using the digital medium when/if you decide to move on from the World of Tomorrow project? —Alec Lai, Slipkornbizkit, Aldo digital just sped everything up. it’s still one person drawing everything, so we need to remember that speed is relative here, but i felt like i went from riding a bicycle to driving a car. there are many pleasant, wonderful things about riding a bicycle but you’re not going to get anywhere very quickly. and i’m not in my 20s anymore, in fact my 20s and 30s were mostly entirely devoured by making movies in what was maybe the slowest way possible. so these days i am appreciating the speed of digital.

If you could have a conversation with any filmmaker, dead or alive, who would it be and why? —ToBeHonest, Cringetacular if i could resurrect one of my heroes from the dead i think i would feel terrible wasting his time forcing him to have a conversation with me. he might also just sit there, covered with graveyard dirt, screaming in horror.

What is the best time of day to watch a movie? —Sammy night. i always feel a little nuts coming out of a movie and the sun is still up.

What’s your all-time favorite science-fiction film, and why? —Letterboxd 2001. because come on.

What is your favorite of Julia Potts’ films, and why? —Letterboxd i like the one with the severed foot.

Are there any animated films that you felt had a profound impact on you as a child? —Sprizzle probably fantasia. and ray harryhausen stuff. whenever there was a sunday-afternoon movie on TV, my brother and i learned that if in the opening titles there was a credit for “special effects” we should keep watching because we might eventually see something cool.

Which one of your movies is your personal favorite? —Jakob Böwer, RodrigoJerez i don’t know. sometimes it’s the newest one because it’s usually the one with the most experience behind it and therefore feels like it has the fewest mistakes. but then over time i realize they’re all riddled with mistakes. of the it’s such a beautiful day pieces, i think my favorite has always been i am so proud of you. and then i’ll see reviews that say “clearly the second chapter is the weakest one”, and i’ll think, man you guys don’t know what you’re talking about.

One of Don’s layout sketches for ‘I Am So Proud of You’ (2008).

What’s your favorite Pixar film? —Jordan inside out.

What film would you want to be the last one you watch before you die? —Gavin honestly if i’m in the process of dying i hope i won’t be watching movies at all.

Do you have faith in humanity? —Connor Kriechbaum not often.

What is something that worries you about where humankind is headed? —Felix_Bouchard social media.

What is the most valuable thing you have ever lost? How often do you think about it? —Siminup well now i’m getting sad.

Can you do a back flip, mister Don? —Doug maybe with the help of a catapult.

What is your take on the after life? What do you think happens to us when we die? —Luisdecoss i guess that it’s probably a lot like our memory of what the year 1823 was like.

Do you want anything from McDonald’s? —Andrew Rhyne only if i’m in an airport and desperate.

What’s your favorite meal or snack? —Pfitzerone, Evan lately in quarantine i’ve been discovering this particular breakfast burrito.

How’s your quarantine life, Don? —Ivan Arcena it’s okay thanks. eating lots of breakfast burritos.

Hi! I can’t believe you’re going to read this. I am currently filled with an unparalleled amount of joy, wow. This is a long shot but here I go. I’m 17 and your (self-proclaimed) biggest fan. I’ve seen It's Such a Beautiful Day eight times now and every single time I pick up on more details. I’ve watched a few of your interviews and in the AFS one about Rejected you said that the louder you play a movie, the funnier it is. On my seventh watch of It’s Such a Beautiful Day I hooked my laptop up to three huge speakers and I must say—you were so, so right. I made a video essay about the movie. Lol, I’m not sure if this will get to you but Michael Jordan once said something about missing shots or not taking shots or maybe about tequila, I am unsure but I know it was important. Thanks MJ. Not you, Mr Jackson. I’m sorry Ms. Jackson…

I actually do have a question, sorry about the rambling. Every single time I watch the guy at the payphone flip his pencil and go “fantastic, fantastic” I cry. And I think what really does it for me is that “we’ll finally have our day”. Earlier in the movie, Bill’s co-worker talks about how all of time is happening at once. So what I constantly ask myself is if the guy at the payphone is simultaneously having his day and waiting for it. And I’m no longer speaking to that one specific example or even to the movie as a whole but I guess I’m wondering if the idea of all events happening at once comforts you?

In Slaughterhouse Five, Kurt Vonnegut writes: “The most important thing I learned on Tralfamadore was that when a person dies he only appears to die. He is still very much alive in the past, so it is very silly for people to cry at his funeral. All moments past, present and future, always have existed, always will exist.” When I read this I immediately thought about your movie. I think the idea of all of time happening at once makes all of life feel less important but more special. You know? Anyway, I suppose I’d just like to know what inspired the lines about time in the office scene. This isn’t much of a question, more an incoherent ramble but thank you so, so much for all you’ve done. I feel so incredibly inspired and so deeply moved by your work and I know that so many people in this comment section and around the world would agree. I can’t believe I’ve been given the opportunity to ask something. It really is such a beautiful day. :) —Eli Osei (co-signed by Vooder) that old guy at the payphone was someone i saw at the laundromat once and he borrowed my pencil and the whole thing just played out like in the movie. i just thought it was such a perfect little scene that i’d just witnessed. anyway, the idea of time being a landscape and everything taking place “at once” just came straight out of a science magazine. i don’t know how, but apparently it’s been more or less proven to be true? we perceive time in one direction, but the past and the future are always all around us. think of it as though we’re driving our car through a landscape. even though the mountains we saw ten minutes ago are behind us now, it doesn’t mean those mountains have ceased to exist. they’ve only ceased to exist from our point of view. we’ve only just driven past them. the mountains, like your childhood, are still going on back there. anyway, i had never heard of that before and thought it needed to be in a movie.

A still from ‘World of Tomorrow Episode Two: The Burden of Other People’s Thoughts’ (2017).

Are you a fan of Kurt Vonnegut by any chance? It may be coincidental, but I love how you both utilize science-fiction settings and concepts like being “unstuck from time/memory” to explore the human condition. I feel his writing and your animation are both capable of making me laugh wholeheartedly one minute and weeping genuine, sorrowful tears the next. —Vooder i’m embarrassed to say i’ve never read him and i’m told on a regular basis that i should. that all started after i am so proud of you came out with those discussions about time being a landscape. but i almost only ever read non-fiction. it’s a long story. but now i’m almost afraid to ever read vonnegut after all these years of build-up.

Hey Don, this is really cool. I don’t have as much of a question, more of a comment. It’s Such A Beautiful Day has gotten me through a lot of hard times, being in middle school sucks, I think everyone knows that: and your movie has made life just a wee bit better for me. It also gave me the inspiration and motivation to finish my first feature! Thanks lots. Love from Indiana —Blood Mountain: Experimental Cinema <3 hey thank you. yeah middle school was pretty much the deepest pit of hell. there’s this old saying, “if you find yourself in hell, keep going”. and i’ve never understood that saying. “keep going”, because, i guess, you can always just go deeper into hell?

Hi! Has the vitreous humour in your eyes started to deteriorate and have you experienced floaters within your eyeballs? If not, that’s okay. Just remember it’s part of life, so don’t get scared when it happens! Just keep moving on! But if you do have them, follow-up question: Do you think it’s funny that the body of vitreous fluid that allows your sight to be clear is called the vitreous humour, and when it detaches it’s anything but humorous? I find that pretty humorous myself, in, like, an ironic way. —Clbert1 i actually blew a blood vessel in my eye a couple weeks ago and the whole thing turned bright blood red. it didn’t hurt or anything, i just walked into the room all disgusting and my girlfriend was like, “what the fuck?!” and then the next day i had further weird eye problems. i just went to the eye doctor yesterday. i think i will be fine but i was thinking, wouldn’t it be like the most heavy metal thing ever for my biography if i just suddenly went BLIND? “and then in 2020, HE WENT BLIND.”

Will Intro ever be released to the general public outside of theater screenings? —Melissa okay yes you’ve talked me into it. on that note, i noticed that the poster of intro used on letterboxd is a weird fake and i’m not sure where it came from. someone just used a picture from rejected. if fake posters are to be made i would prefer it if they used a picture from raiders of the lost ark or something.

Do you have plans to combine the World of Tomorrow shorts into one feature-length film à la It’s Such a Beautiful Day? —David Sigura, Sam Stewart, An_Person no, it’s going to be much longer than a feature-length.

Will we ever get a ‘Hertzfeldt 4K Collection’? Or at least a Blu-ray with It’s Such a Beautiful Day and all episodes of World of Tomorrow? —Teebin, HippityHoppity there is actually already a blu-ray for it’s such a beautiful day. up next we’ll do some sort of world of tomorrow blu-ray of the first three episodes. but 4k is too many k’s. you don’t need that many k’s.

Would you ever consider comprising an OST album of all the songs you used and mixed from your films? —PhiloDemon i don’t think so. i read that for many years cat stevens resisted releasing his original songs from harold and maude on any records because he thought they were more special if you could only ever hear them in the movie. i like that.

Do you get a sick kind of pleasure from emotionally destroying people with your movies? —MaxT26 yep.

What’s been your ongoing experience of the outpouring of joy and love of your work? —Henry gratitude. how sad for me if, after all this work, nobody was watching at all.

Related content

Don’s invaluable Twitter thread about “old-school animation camera stuff”

A Few of the Fingerprints on the World of Tomorrow Universe: a list of influences curated for Letterboxd by Don Hertzfeldt

Modest Heroes: the Letterboxd Showdown for indie animation

The Drawn Cinema: Analena’s list of rough animation, pencil textures, watercolor effects, dynamic brushes and other poetic artistry.

Beloved Indie Animation: a list by Gui

Animated Sci-Fi and Fantasy: an extensive list by Stonefolk

‘World of Tomorrow Three: The Absent Destinations of David Prime’ is available now through Bitter Films on Vimeo.

[purplesurveys]

1159

survey by -egocentricity-

Describe the last time you...

Went swimming: It was in Nasugbu with Angela, Sofie, and Gab nearly a couple of years ago. We wanted to go to a nearby beach before the semester started, so we planned the trip at the last minute and literally just right after we enrolled for our classes.

Went on a date: It was at BGC at this nice, romantic French restaurant. Then as we headed back to the car we spotted a jazz bar that had a live band performing, so we took a detour there to have drinks and nachos.

Were hurt by someone you love: My mom says a lot of hurtful things all the time I’ve stopped keeping track of them and letting them affect me too much, but I’m sure she’s done it recently.

Did something nice for yourself: I got myself a night lamp to improve the ambience in my room and make it feel even more homey. The lamp I had before it was just something I borrowed from my parents and it had white light, so it didn’t feel the most calming. The one I have right now emits this soft yellow shade that makes me feel infinitely more relaxed.

Did something nice for someone else: I ordered KFC at like 1 AM last Wednesday because I was feeling hungry and there was nothing at home that could meet my cravings, and aside from getting orders for my parents I also got a Zinger for my delivery driver as a way to thank him and lift his spirits for working that late into the night.

Were injured: I always sport some sort of scratch or gash somewhere on my body these days from playing with Cooper. This morning I got a new wound on one of my knuckles since he was pulling on his leash way too hard when I was walking him.

Went to the hospital: I had to take blood and urine tests last May to figure out what was wrong with me since I had been sick for a week by that point. That was also during the peak of the pandemic, so there was a lot of anxiety about me catching Covid. It turned out to be a UTI, and even though that technically sucks the whole family was relieved it wasn’t Covid.

Understood something that previously confused you: I had my dad explain to me how buying and bidding for houses works. Hahaha I am sooooo not equipped to be a fully-functioning adult.

Faked sick to get out of going to class: I don’t think I ever did this. If I had wanted to skip class, I just skipped it.

Hung out with your friends: I went to Perfy’s with 7 friends shortly before it shut down for good as a result of the pandemic. We had some beer and bar chow, and to be completely frank it felt quite nice to have that one night where things felt normal again, as ignorant as it was. We vaped until we were dizzy and some of them smoked too much that the smell ended up clinging to me and my clothes, but luckily I got home when my whole family was already in their rooms so no one was able to smell me.

Met someone new: There’s this girl who recently got onboarded to one of our client brands and we started working with her about a week or two ago. She’s honestly been a bit over the place, but I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt because she’s fairly new at a particularly hectic time in her workplace. My first impression of her was that she gave such a strong UP vibe so I looked her up on Facebook, and it turns out we went to the same college and the same high school.

Did something that you were afraid to do: A couple of months ago I had a one-on-one video call organized by the CEO of my employer so that she could get to know me better. She was super nice and listened attentively to my answers to all her questions, but it was easy to tell she wanted to see what I could bring to the table and how well I could mesh with the team especially since I’ve never met her and everyone else in person, so I made sure my social game was maxed out for those 15 minutes haha.

Did something you promised you would never do: I vaped literally half an hour ago. I never expected to form a habit out of it especially after being vehemently against any form of smoking for most of my life. Not particularly proud of it but then again I’m here for a good time and not a long time lmao.

Regretted something: Lazada had this huge app-wide sale last week and their Hydro Flasks were like ₱600 cheaper, but I didn’t buy it because I was feeling stingy that day haha. Now the products are back to their normal price and they’ll probably never get to be that cheap again :( There’s another sale happening tomorrow but the discounts aren’t as big, but I’ll probably place an order this time.

Went shopping: I went to H&M last January to get Andi a late Christmas present. I asked Leigh what they would appreciate as a gift, and she told me they’d wanted to start experimenting with feminine clothes so I got them a nice black skirt and this really elegant dress (that I honestly wanted for myself). I heard they cried once they opened the paper bag, and making people cry with the gifts you get them will always be one of the best feelings ever haha.

Asked someone out/were asked out: Idk, it was 5 years ago and nothing I want to remember anymore.

Broke up with someone: I’ve never broken up with someone.

Had someone break up with you: It was terrible and the stuff of all my nightmares combined, and it happened in the middle of an already-shitty month to boot so I had little hope for myself to come out of it alive. I had everything planned and ironed out and all that was left was for me to leave. 

It’s been 7 months and I’ve never felt emotionally and mentally better and healthier.

Were heartbroken: I follow this animal rescue NGO on Facebook and they regularly post about dogs who’ve lived through awful situations and need urgent care and forever homes to live in. Fortunately the page has a wide reach and regularly gets support, and I try to donate to their bank account as often as I can.

You were angry with someone: Haven’t directed my anger towards anyone in a while.

You felt "in love" with someone: It was during the time I was still reeling over the breakup and was caught in an endless loop of still being in love with them and forcing myself to finally detach.

You wanted something unrealistic: I was at the rooftop this morning and I could feel the temperature getting warmer every hour, and when I finally couldn’t tolerate the heat and was forced to go back indoors I felt super annoyed because all I want is to live somewhere with a chilly climate all-year round hahaha UGH

You made someone angry: It was when I spilled a tiny drop of soup onto the dining table and my mom had a complete meltdown about it. After 89457843957 years of her getting mad at First World Problems I wasn’t intimidated by her anymore, but it still irked me at how something so little can piss her off so I just decided not to speak a word for the rest of the night.

You made someone's day: I hope I made my delivery driver’s night when I got him his burger as a surprise. I hold so much respect and appreciation for them considering they’ve been working very hard to get people’s goods to their doorsteps in the midst of a global pandemic.

Tried something new: When I bought my lamp it was the first time I got something to decorate my room. I usually spend all my money on food, so that was a nice change to try out.

Tried your best: I always try my best at work and to make each day more improved than the last.

Didn't try at all: A couple of nights ago I asked my dad to light up my scented candle and he challenged me to try lighting up a matchstick by myself for once. I was all primed and ready to go, but backed out at the last second :(( I told him there was a big chance I could freak out, drop the lit matchstick. and set something in the dining room (where we were) on fire, and that’s when he gave up and just lit it up himself hahaha

Got nothing for your efforts: I’d gladly refer you to my big waste of a 6-year relationship.

Had a serious talk with someone: I always have deep conversations with Andi and they’ve been about various topics over the last few months.

Told someone how you really feel: It was when Bea scheduled a quick one-on-one catch-up call with me to check up on how I was doing with work and if I was doing okay with the everyday craziness of it all. But I didn’t say anything grave; I just told her I honestly like the work we do and that it’s nice that it keeps me excited everyday, so there’s little to complain about.

Hid what you felt from someone: One of my co-workers, Denise, is honestly a little challenging to work with. I always have to pick up after her and remind her of stuff we need to do together, and even Bea has let a few comments slide between us about how difficult she can be. But considering I’m a lot newer than her and we’ve never met each other I’ve stayed quiet for now.

Took something that didn't belong to you: I got the matchbox from my parents’ room to ask one of them to light up the aforementioned scented candle I have.

Borrowed something from someone: I borrowed one of my sister’s cords the other evening to charge my vape pen.

Lost a game: This was when my orgmates and I played a couple Jeopardy games over Zoom about a month ago and I lost to Robin.

Won a game: Not sure, I don’t really play a lot of games.

Told someone you love him/her: Jo, after she shared that she tested positive for Covid.

Went on vacation: It’s been a year and a half and the world has changed a lot since then, but my family and I went to Tagaytay and Cavite for a quick weekend getaway; it was Tagaytay on Saturday then we drove to another hotel in Cavite the next day. We played Heads Up, ate Jelly Belly jellybeans, had a lot of nice food, took some walks, but then I also had to work on a Powerpoint in between because I had a presentation that was due that Monday lol.

Went on a roadtrip: Last January we drove to Tagaytay (again) for my dad’s 50th birthday. Before heading to our accommodation we had brunch at La Creperie where we happened to be seated beside Larry Gadon – bleck – and his wife. Then we headed to the condo unit where we stayed the night at, ordered a samgyupsal set, and I watched GMM’s Let’s Talk About That into the night until I fell asleep.

Flew on a plane: That would be over two years ago and it was during our vacation to Bicol. That also marks the last time I ever spoke a word to my brother, because on our way home my family got into a heated argument and he ended up slapping me in the face. I don’t tolerate physical acts of violence, and especially not from someone younger than me, so I was more than glad to cut ties with him moving forward.

Were annoyed with a family member: My mom is politically incorrect 24/7, and it grinds my gears 24/7.

Took something too far: Idk, maybe cutting off ties with Gab. A part of me wanted to reconnect at some point, once I’ve healed; but I’ve reached a point in my life where that doesn’t seem so necessary anymore. Life just works funnily sometimes, I guess. I haven’t completely cut her off; we’re still mutuals on Twitter (though she also never uses it so it barely counts), and also still Facebook friends (though I’ve unfollowed her and I’ve also blacklisted her from seeing my posts – thank god for that feature), so now it’s really just a matter of pressing some buttons and finally disconnecting for good.

Gave up too soon: I wanted to learn riding a bike during the early days of the pandemic last year, but I gave up after like two days of being unsuccessful.

Listened to a band you had not heard before: I started exploring some of BTS’ music earlier this week after weeks of just knowing Dynamite.

Judged someone: Some of the bloggers that I regularly correspond with for work, and who’ve recently added me on Facebook, have opinions I don’t necessarily agree with.

Asked a "stupid question": I ask a lot of newbie questions at work that maybe some people would consider dumb, but I’d rather get answers to do my work correctly than take guesses and end up doing the wrong thing.

Got "a stupid answer": Not sure.

Took a picture of something/someone: I recently took a photo of my work desk setup so I could show off my new pretty lamp, hahaha.

Told a lie: I told my mom my Hydro Flask is still with Angela and that I should be getting it soon, but I really lost it a few years ago and would have to buy a new one.

Told the truth: Idk I tell the truth all the time.

[wenevergotusedtoegypt]

I’M GOING TO MURDER SOME PEOPLE

I went to urgent care Sunday evening with UTI symptoms that had started earlier that day. The quick test came back negative but they said they would send out a urine culture.

Monday afternoon things were still bad so I went to a regular doctor (not my regular doctor, who is too far to get to reasonably right now because she’s near my office). They did another UTI test which also came back negative and the PA I saw, who was overall just really unfriendly and dismissive, told me there was literally nothing to be done even to relieve symptoms and I’d just have to wait it out.

Wednesday I called the midwives I used for my birth and the midwife I spoke to recommended something for symptom relief and said that if things didn’t improve they would try to squeeze me in Friday. I also called the urgent care in the early afternoon since I hadn’t heard about the urine culture, and was told someone would call me shortly with the results. Almost 6 hours later no one had called me so I called back. When I went into my shpiel, the guy stopped me and said, “Did you call earlier today?” I said, “Yes, over 5 hours ago,” to which e responded, “oh wow, I’ll check on that,” and hung up before I could say anything else.

Today I called the midwives to make an appointment for tomorrow and was told their only availability was at a location that’s difficult for me to get to at a time that I wouldn’t be able to get there by. I tried calling the urgent care again and no one answered and there was no way to leave a message, but it did give an email for the manager. I emailed the manager. 2.5 hours later I tried calling again and no one answered. Finally a bit after that, I got a call from them and GUESS WHO HAS A FREAKING UTI AND COULD HAVE BEEN ON FREAKING ANTIBIOTICS ALREADY IF NOT FOR THEIR NEGLIGENCE. The person I was speaking to then couldn’t find my pharmacy for some reason and I’m just praying I actually get a freaking prescription omgsh.

[chris-evans-imagine]

Forever Crush

A/n: I guess I’m a sucker for post-christmas writing, I love the holiday bubble lol. This was actually a request I loved and it took me a while to make it the way I wanted it’s long, 2500+. I hope you like it.

Request: I have a Chris Evans imagine request. It’s actually a crazy dream I had the other day. So the person is Chris’s sisters nanny for the kids, more just to keep them occupied while she is doing things around the house. Christ tries to work his Hollywood charm but doesn’t faze you. On Christmas Eve, you end up under the mistletoe with Chris. You can add more too! Thank you! I love your stuff ❤️

Warnings: long one-shot. Cursing, drinking. And fluff…

 “Mac and cheese again?” you asked to little Luca. He winked and showed that hole in his smile that made your heart melt. He was a little beau.

“I like your mac and cheese, dad’s just so… urgh!” you couldn’t agree more, that’s why he laughed when you wrinkled your nose when the memory of the organic or whatever shit it was. That was everything but mac and cheese. Of course you had discussed with Scott Luca’s diet, he had a few requests which you always considered. Except for mac and cheese.

Scott and Jeremy had been your neighbors since you got to the building, having them as neighbors was delightful and they thought the same about you since you babysat their son every once in a while.

Today was one of those days, he was in your place. Scott was supposed to pick him up by dinner, but you knew that Christmas shopping would take him way longer. That’s why the little rascal was helping you out with dinner for two.

Your phone rang interrupting your favorite song.

“It’s your dad”

“Which one?” he asked while he licked the spoon. You smiled, maybe he wasn’t biological but he had Scott’s sassiness.

“Hey” you picked up.

“Hey, doll. How are you two doing?” Scott asked.

“We’re fine, we’re about to have dinner… how’s shopping going?”

“Oh, it’s a mess, people everywhere, we haven’t finished… I just called to tell you that my brother just got to town, he’s going to pick Luca up. And tomorrow we have a dinner, we’d love you to have you there, y/n.”

“Okay, which brother?” you asked expecting not to hear certain name but since you were aware he only had one brother, you obviously knew the answer.

“Chris, duh. Hey, what are you having for dinner?”

“Just a healthy meal, baby” you sounded as sarcastic as you could be.

“Please, don’t be mac and cheese”

“It’s mac and cheese” you laughed.

“God… don’t make my boy…” you cut him out.

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow, hope you finish soon, say goodbye to your dad”

“Bye, daddy” Luca screamed.

“You two are killing me, bye”

Luca was such an easy weight, he was all over dinner and sleep. He was sleeping on your lap while you watched Friends, it was around 9 when the doorbell rang. You moved him softly and put a cushion on his head. His blonde straight hair spread all over.

And when you opened the door, there was another blonde.

“Hello” he gave you a half smile, the one that he could use in a photoshoot. The one he could have practiced for ages to make it as perfect and irresistible as it could be.

“Hey, Chris, Luca’s asleep.” You let him in. your door wasn’t small, that’s why you couldn’t understand how he dare to invade your personal space.

“I figured. Scott told me you had his spare key, do you mind if I go and open the door and then pick him up?”

“No, it’s fine. Wait” you left him in the living room. You were a nice person, and somehow, Chris just made you feel so small and so… boring? You didn’t like it. That was one of the reasons you tried to keep your distance. He looked so arrogant and so untouchable, you were just… done. You just didn’t need that.

You took the key from the cabinet and turned just to face a steel chest.

“I… hum, told you to wait?” you asked looking at him.

“Yeah, sorry. I guess I got distracted by your Christmas decorations. It’s really nice, huh.”

“Thanks. Here’s the key”

“Thanks, beautiful.” He had that look. The one that I can strip you here and make you mine, kind of look. You were so over it.

“Stop the act, Christopher” you demanded “it’s just the two of us, dude”

“I’m not acting, I think you’re beautiful”

“How? You don’t even…” you couldn’t reach the right word.

“What?”

“Have seen me.” you murmured and started walking towards the couch.

“I have, I’ve seen plenty of you. Your hair, it’s kind of red when on the sunlight. You have a birth mark on your hand and you trace it with your fingers when you’re thinking, and you are beautiful. You’ve got a beautiful face and a beautiful ass.” You stopped and turned to look at him. You could scream but there was an infant sleeping.

“WHAT?” you articulated but didn’t scream, didn’t know if you wanted to punch him or you just wanted to laugh. Or kick your own ass.

“I’ve seen you, that’s what I mean. Maybe I went too far” he scratched his head and smiled looking at the wood floor.

“How dare you? You were just doing fine, telling me those things and you screwed it up with the last part. No, no, how dare you to look at my butt?! That’s the real question. Your nephew it’s on the couch”

“Have done it before and won’t be the last time” he smiled as big as he could, he had beaten you up on this battle.

“I hate you” you murmured while he picked up Luca. Yeah, you hated how handsome he looked with a little boy on his strong arms.

_________

“I’m telling you, I was a jerk” Chris spoke as Scott cleaned the mess his son had left.

“You usually are when you’re with her, man. Why can’t you just be… you?” Chris took a long sip of his beer. The truth was he didn’t even know how to act in front of her. That… just came.

The first time he saw her, she had curled up watching Disney movies with Luca. He had come over to visit his family, Scott opened and when Chris when straight up to look for his nephew, he was just cuddled up with the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. He felt jealous of a 5 years-old. She was just... different. And so was he when they had an actual conversation.

He was a jerk. He was just… not him. He felt like he needed to impress her since she wasn’t the kind of woman he usually met. He didn’t know how to reach the level of a woman like that.

He would never forget her look when she woke up. Her hair was undone, her sleepy face made her look like an angel, and he couldn’t feel more attracted to the beautiful creature that was walking towards him.

“Hello” she spoke first.

“Hey, this is my brother Chris, did Luca wake up?”

“Nice to meet you, Chris” she reached his hand and smiled, the freckles and a dimple showed. Like if it was a sky at night, with its stars and moon. “Luca’s still asleep, I think I’ll go to my place to sleep too…”

“Need any company?” The words just came out of his mouth. There was an awkward silence between Chris, y/n and Scott.

“I’m fine, thanks” she spoke. “See ya, baby” she kissed Scott’s cheek and waved goodbye to Chris, there was no way she’d get closer to him. Not now, not ever.

________________

 Doorbell.

Saying hello.

A glass of wine.

And abort the mission.

You had thought about the plan for tonight’s dinner.

Except that it wasn’t going to work out at all. How did you know it? Well, you didn’t expect HE would opened the door, since he was another guest, right? But he did, he was in front of you, tall, dark and beautiful.

“You look…”

“Don’t say beautiful” you warned and he smiled. He knew he’d need to improve his game. Or at least, just try to be himself.

“I was going to say spectacular. May I help you with your coat?” you rose your eyebrow and nodded. “I’m sorry for what I said last night” he spoke, you crossed your arms and watched him move

“It’s okay, I don’t want things to be awkward” and that was the new plan, just let things go. Easy? Nope.

“I meant it, tho”

“Oh, my God” you walked away looking for that urgent glass of wine.

You chatted with the people that was around. but still, it was one of those days when even small talk made you feel like you needed something stronger than wine. Lucky for you, you knew where Scott kept the grown-ups boose.

You pour a Scotch and... That was it. Plan B.

_____________

“Should I be worried?” Scott asked Chris.

“Why?” he asked drinking his beer.

“She’s… tipsy, I’ve only seen her drunk twice”

“I’ll take care of her. When everything gets… fuzzy I’ll take her home”

“No way! She hates you” Scott remembered to Chris. The older brother looked at you across the room, you were smiling and talking. You laughed. He loved your laugh.

“And you are the host, you can’t leave. And I’ll be good, I promise. I won’t drink anymore so I’ll be wide awake”

“Okay” Scott accepted. “Take care of her, Chris. I’m telling you”

________________

You went to the kitchen and it was like Luca had left all his Legos, you walked dodging… anything. You were just tipsy.

Something fell. You knew something had fallen, you hit it with your elbow. You stopped and swirl looking for it. But you got dizzy, lucky for you, you weren’t alone.

“I got you, come on” someone grabbed your waist and make you sat on the counter.

“I’m fine, I just want to go home” you spoke. You were like a spoiled little girl, before the lecture when she’d misbehaved.

“Okay, let’s get your coat”

“Chris, I don’t need you. I can go on my own, I live across the hall” you pointed and he rose his eyebrows.

“I’ll just walk you and make sure you’re okay”

“You don’t have to do that. I’m fine, super-duper fine”

“Okay” if he had known something it was that he’d never should argue with someone drunk. “I’ll just help you with your purse”

“Yeah” you agreed.

He helped you to pick up your coat and as he had told you, he had your purse.

“I don’t get it” you spoke out of the blues.

“What?”

“You’re just so good and nice and then you’re a jerk with me. You come here and then play your stupid Hollywood act. I don’t like it, I don’t like you.” You stopped and pointed at his chest.

“What?”

“Yeah! You come here and it’s funny, like hilarious because Scott adores you and so does Luca and they tell me the most amazing things about you and then” you stopped and looked right through his eyes, you felt absolutely exposed but brave to throw the next words “and then you’re not the crush I thought I had” you smile and sigh.

Chris can barely breathe. His hands are sweaty, his mind has just blown. He’s an actor. He’s done plenty of movies were the adrenaline goes from 0 to 100 in a sec. but this, this is just so different.

“I said you were my… crush, until I met you and” you were about to cry, you lean your head back to hold the tears. “I’m definitely drunk”

“Y/n”

“Don’t say anything, I just want to go home, dude. Just let it go, it’s amazing just to say it, like, I feel free and… sad, and” you weren’t able to finish when you threw up on his top designer shoes.

After that. Everything was a blur.

___________

Fucking light.

Fucking sun.

Fucking hangover.

Fucking Chris.

You were on your bed, it was after noon and you were just opening your eyes. You buried yourself on the covers. You felt awful.

You had a note and a pharmacy bag on your night stand.

“Thank you for ruin Chris’s favorite shoes. S”

“What did I do?” you asked to yourself. You woke up, dud part of your usual routine and called Scott. He didn’t pick up.

After two hours of feeling sick, horrible and guilty as fuck, you decided to apologize to Chris and ask what had happened.

The moment you opened the door was like flashbacks.

You pressed the doorbell and Scott showed up.

“I’m sorry” you murmured covering your face.

“No, it’s okay, darling… but I think you should talk to Chris”

“Why? Did he tell you anything?” he nodded. “Tell me”

“No, it’s time you two talk”

“But I don’t want to” you made puppy face and he grabbed your waist. “I feel like I did something horrible. You used my key to get me sober somehow and I don’t even remember”

“Nothing bad happened, I promise, but you’ll feel better if you hear it from him” he closed the door behind you.

“Fine, where is him?” you asked.

“He’s on the living room”

Every step you took felt like you were about to jump on a cliff of hell. It felt like you were about to burn. You saw him playing with Luca, the little kid ran towards you and hugged your legs.

“Hey, love” you hugged him back. Unable to look at Chris.

“Come on, Luca, let’s leave them alone”

You sighed and tried to walk towards him but your feet were now drilled on the floor.

“so, I’m sorry, I don’t remember much, but I think I insulted you and called you names and I think I threw up and…”

“you only remember the bad parts, huh?” he stood in front of you, you looked at him. he looked different.

“You did call me names, you did threw up and you called me your crush”

“I did what?” you replied. Why? Why? Why?

“yeah, you told me a nice story, I was holding your hair while you threw up on the toilet.”

“What did I tell you” you walked away, to try to keep your distance, he respected that and started talking.

“You told me that the first time we met you almost met and then you froze by how asshole I was. And you were right I was a jerk, I guess I was trying to impress you but… I don’t know. And then you told me you even had imagined our first kiss. Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah”

“What if we had everything for that to happen? What if we start all over?” you turn around to see him under a mistletoe he was holding above his head.

“Chris…”

“You’ve been my forever crush, y/n. but now I’m madly, crazy, deeply in love with you”

You walked towards him and crossed your arms around his neck, he leaned to kiss you. He remembered it, the stupid kiss under the mistletoe.

His lips were sweet and delicate. That kiss was like a Hollywood kiss, just perfect. He compass of his lips on yours. You two slowly split.

“You still owe me a pair of shoes”

“Shut up” he leaned to kiss you again.