#maddispartnerevent

[tododorks]

this is for @out-of-my-way-extras​ partner writing event! wrote this with @plusultrawritings​ <3 (also i legit took like 2 months to write my part, thank you for putting up with me)

synopsis: sometimes you don’t need to know what they know

pairing: togata mirio / reader

warnings: angst, cheating, swearing, spoilers for the shie hassaikai arc

word count: 3.4k

.・。.・゜✭・.・✭・゜・。.

They said it would get easier. Loss wasn’t easy, but that it would heal in time.

Mirio’s loss was different. He didn’t just lose a loved one. He lost a part of himself, and that hurt more than any wound.

It hurt you more than any wound.

“Is Mirio with you, Tamaki?” you asked gingerly, hoping that the desperation in your voice wasn’t too apparent. It was after curfew, and you haven’t seen him all day. You hadn’t seen him all week either.

When was the last time you’d seen him? When was the last time you talked to him?

A month.

“I-I’m sorry, Y/N,” he stuttered over the phone, and you tried your best to keep your heart in your throat. You picked at the threads of your sweatshirt as he continued. “H-He might be with Eri-chan and Aizawa-sensei? I’m sorry-”

“Don’t apologize, Tama. It’s not that important anyway,” you reassured, to him and yourself. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Take care of yourself, alright?”

You hung up before he could apologize again, staring at his contact on your phone. Looking up at the sky, you closed your eyes for a second, feeling the cool breeze kiss your skin. Sometimes, you pretended that you were in a world without heroes and villains and fear. You pretended that you were in a world where Mirio was okay.

It was dangerous to be outside past curfew, with villains and the fear of teachers catching you, but it was the only place you could go without getting looks of pity. Why should you be pitied? It wasn’t like your mentor died and you lost your quirk-

How selfish of you to think about yourself. It made you want to throw up.

You stared at the stars, took a deep breath, and walked back to Hero’s Alliance.

“Y/N?” Nejire frowned when you walked into the common room, freshly brewed tea in her hand. She was in her pajamas. “What are you doing up so late?”

“Just taking a walk,” you said, trying to look sheepish instead of sorrowful. You were semi-aware that your eyes were puffy and that your hair was nappy. “Finals are really taking a toll on me, and the common room isn’t exactly quiet!”

There was a pause, before you asked, “Have you seen Mirio recently?”

She frowned, her eyebrows knitting together. “I’m sorry-“

“It’s fine!” you said, a little too cheery for someone who looked so tired. “I’m sure he’s in his room.”

He wasn’t.

Nejire looked at you strangely. “Alright, then. Night, Y/N-chan.”

You waved at her goodnight before turning around, hating yourself for the way your shoulders trembled.

. . . . . .

You hated receiving pity. That’s why you never pitied Mirio.

Even when he was just your goofy classmate who never learned how to control his quirk, even when he got the lowest marks in class, even when he didn’t get his provisional license on the first try. Instead, you admired how kind he was, how funny he was, how quick he was at learning, what a great hero he would be. You knew he didn’t take kindly to pity, either.

Yet, you couldn’t help but feel the burn in your chest when he gave you another one of his forced smiles.

“Ha!” he laughed a little too loud, a noticeable strain in his eyes. It was the end of class, and you had made sure to catch him. “I’m sorry, but I completely bombed my math test and have to retake it. I’ll make it up to you, I promise!”

“...how about tomorrow, then?” you asked too slowly, too cautiously. Too safe for someone who was talking to a person they’ve been in love with their whole life.

“I can’t,” Mirio apologized again, and at that point, you stopped listening. If you listened, you wouldn’t be able to keep the strain in your voice from breaking.

You could never forget the day Mirio came back with Eri and Midoriya but not Nighteye.

Everyone praised him for how strong he was. How he was still able to smile even after losing his quirk. That was the worst part, that all they ever talked about was his quirk, not the fact that he saved millions of people or that his mentor died in his arms.

They talked about him like he was dead. What made it hard to sleep at night was that you felt like he was slowly dying, too. No one could see it but you.

That’s why you had to be the strong one in the relationship now.

That’s what you kept on telling yourself.

‘Selfish, selfish, selfish.’

Mirio was like a breath of fresh air. Always looking for improvement, for something better. Just being around him made your days brighter and your smiles wider.

You were so reliant on Mirio’s happiness it felt like a punch in the gut without it.

‘Selfish-’

“Are you okay?” Nejire asked, for what felt like the hundredth time even though it was a new day. The lunchroom was alive, everyone munching and laughing around you. “You’ve been picking at your lunch for the past fifteen minutes.”

You blinked, then looked down at your food. It was one of the salads that you usually never bought, pressed and sliced together by the jabbing of your plastic fork. Disregarded and not even eaten.

“It’s nothing, it’s just-” you swallowed, not looking directly at her face but not looking away either. “I-I’m just thinking of Mirio, that’s all.”

She hummed, like she knew exactly what was on your mind. It was scary how Nejire could read even the most distant of strangers, but that’s what made her such a people person. You didn’t even need to say anything for her to say the next thought.

“You should talk to him, you know?” Nejire suggested, her eyes boring into yours. “There’s something bothering you and he should know it.”

You frowned. “But isn’t that a little-“

“Selfish?” she interrupted, and you jumped at how quickly she guessed it. “Sure it is, but relationships are selfish things anyways.”

You thought about her words when you were lying down on Mirio’s bed, waiting for him to get back to his dorm. He had insisted that he needed to take care of Eri and help Midoriya train, that it was something that was essential. Who it benefited more, you don’t really know.

Your eyes scanned his walls. There were pictures of every kind. There was one of him and Tamaki when they were kids, and when Tama still had braces. There was one of him and you at the beach, one of the first anniversary dates you had gone on. Mirio swept you off your feet and rented a boat for the both of you to relax in while watching the sunset in the middle of the sea. One of your favorites was with you, Mirio, and Nighteye. It was the first time you had ever met his mentor, and Mirio had insisted on taking a picture with the two most important people in his life.

Your heart burned with nostalgia and melancholy, and the door slammed open.

“Oh. You’re here,” Mirio acknowledged. No greetings whatsoever.

“I just wanted to hang out with you,” you shrugged off, trying to be nonchalant about the way he addressed you. “If that’s what you want-“

“Of course I want to hang out with you,” he said, a little too enthusiastically.

These days, Mirio was off. However, today, there was something really off about him. It wasn’t noticeable to the naked eye, but you’ve loved Mirio for years. His hair wasn’t as expertly styled as it usually was, flopping to the side. His eyes were less shiny and more strained, like he hasn’t slept in days. There was a scruff on his chin that he usually shaved off as quickly as it grew.

There was something, so, so off. And maybe you were tired of pretending there wasn’t anymore.

“Are you okay?” you asked quietly. Something you never did before, because your relationship with Mirio was always so bright and loud and happy-

“What?” he asked incredulously, as if you had just slapped him in the face. After all, he never did take too kindly to pity. “Of course I’m okay. Do I look like I’m not okay?”

He looked far from okay.

His voice got louder with each word, it was almost a yell. Mirio had never yelled at you once, not even during an argument. You didn’t want to turn this into an argument, you came to talk to him, not argue.

“You just look a bit tired.”

And it wasn’t a lie, he did look tired, but he didn’t look okay either.

“Oh. So, why are you here again, Y/N?” He started to fiddle with his shirt; it was always a nervous habit of his.

You were sure his words weren’t intended to sound as harsh as they did,yet you still felt a sharp pain as he spoke.

“I just came here to hang out with you,” You reached out to grab his hand. “We haven't spent any time together in a while.”

Mirio tensed as your hand touched his, but he didn’t pull away. He quickly plastered on another one of his smiles and pulled you up from his bed. For a moment you felt at ease. You believed everything would go back to normal. Back to the way it was before he lost his quirk, before Nighteye died, before you lost him.

God, that was so stupid.

You had only spent a few hours with Mirio at the mall since Aizawa called him to come immediately. You didn’t really know why, but you just assumed it had to do with Eri and didn’t question him about it. Not that he would pay much attention to it anyway.

As soon as the call ended he quickly kissed your forehead, muttering “bye” and walked off without an explanation other than, “Gotta go, Aizawa-sensei says it’s urgent.”

Being with Mirio always made you so happy. Studying with him, the late night talks, even the training, whatever it was you always felt content around him. But now it just felt like something was missing. It felt somewhat empty.

But you tried to look on the bright side. Mirio and you went on a “date” for the first time in a while. Granted you just walked around the nearby mall and chatted, but it was better than nothing at all.

You arrived back at the dorms with the dumbest smile that nobody could ignore. It may have been stupid to be happy over such a simple thing, but you couldn’t help it. It was okay to be happy at least once in a while, right?

“Y/N-chan? Seems like talking to Mirio went great!” Nejire’s cheery voice interrupted your thoughts.

“You could say that, Nejire.”

It had been a while since Nejire, or anybody for that matter had seen you walk into a room so happy. Usually you’d just walk into the dorms and walk straight to your room and if anyone greeted you, you’d shoot them a quick smile and keep walking. It was nice to see you smile and happy again.

She knew something was wrong, but she couldn’t ruin your happiness.

Maybe she should have.

. . . . . .

You hadn’t had a proper conversation with Mirio in a week. Every now and then you’d see him around campus or in the dorms, but he whenever you would start to walk up to him he’d either try to find a way to avoid you or say some bullshit lie. You would be lying if you said it didn’t irritate you in the slightest.

Clearly something was wrong.

But if anything it worried you. Had you done something wrong? You didn’t think so, in fact you thought the date last week had gone really well. Did Mirio not feel the same, did he hate it?

Did he hate being near you so much that he had to ignore you rather than simply talk to you?

Why didn’t you notice it sooner?

“No, stop it…” You mumbled to yourself.

It was so obvious.

Your attempts in trying to calm yourself were futile, questions kept running through your mind. So many what if’s. Lying in a dark room alone with your thoughts wasn’t doing you any good either, but it was almost midnight. But surely if you only went outside for a quick second, just to get some fresh air, you wouldn’t get in trouble.

Maybe you should’ve stayed inside.

The door creaked as you slowly opened it to try to avoid anyone from hearing you. God knows how alert every person in 3-A is, especially considering all the villains roaming around now. You did not feel like getting punched in the face by one of your classmates, you were doing a splendid job of that already all on your own.

You wrapped your blanket around you as you walked towards the entrance. For a second you just stared at the doorknob. You couldn’t put a pin in it, but when you touched the doorknob it felt almost as if it were begging you not to.

Maybe you should have listened.

Before you could open the door somebody else had opened it. At first you panicked thinking it was a teacher, maybe even a thug just trying to get their hands on something valuable. Instead of being met with a slap or yell, you saw the person you loved most in the world, the one you’d loved for years.

The person who supposedly loved you.

“Mirio…” His eyes went wide when he realized it was you standing in front of him.

“Why are you up so late? It’s nearly midnight.”

You expected him to respond with something sarcastic, maybe even a “Well, you’re up too. Looks like we both got some ‘splainin to do, babe.” But he didn’t say any of that, he just said a curt “Felt like it” and kept standing still. You looked down at your hands and fiddled with the blanket draped around your shoulders.

He was so still.

“Y/N, could you move, please? I need to get to my room.” Without thinking you moved to the side so he could pass.

‘No…’

“Night, Y/N,”

‘No!’

“Sweet dreams.”

“N-no…” He turned back to look at you, looking beyond puzzled. Before he could question you, you were already gripping his wrist tightly and looking up at him. Oh, how he wished he didn’t look at you in that moment. Seeing you made his heart only made his heart ache and it only made his guilt worse.

You both looked like messes. You looked sick, and perhaps it was just the light, but he could help but worry for you. And your eyes–oh, your eyes. They showed him everything he needed to know. You were close to crying, he could see the tears in your eyes, he could see all the emotions you kept hidden. How long had you kept them hidden, though? He knew he hadn’t been the best person in the world to you lately… but surely he couldn’t have done to you, could he?

Seeing Mirio didn’t help your confidence whatsoever. His clothes were rather loose, quite unusual for him, and his eyes looked dull. Did he look this bad before? No, he didn’t… did he? Had you been that selfish that you didn’t even pay attention—

No.

You weren’t being selfish.

You let tears fall and let out a shaky breath, trying to prepare yourself for the worst. Mirio looked down at you, terrified of what you’d say.

“No, no more.. no more lies, no more bullshit, please–” Your grip on his wrist tightened. “Mirio, please, for once in months can you just talk to me? Can you just tell me the damn truth instead of lying to my face. Please, that’s all I want!”

He couldn’t even look at you.

“For fuck’s sake, I just want the truth!” Your voice faltered and you let out a sob.

“Why?! The truth will only hurt! Do you want to be hurt that badly?!”

Both of you seemed to forget that your classmates were asleep and you needed to be quiet. One by one, the other eighteen students started piling into the room. Some tried to shush the other or shoo them away, but even they were compelled to watch you and Mirio. They pitied you.

They knew.

“As if you haven’t been hurting me already! Don’t act as if you care about me being hurt or not, we both know you don’t!” Mirio went to argue but you cut him off before he could get a word in.

“If you did care, you wouldn’t act like such an asshole to me! You wouldn’t lie, you wouldn’t ignore me, you wouldn’t flinch when I go to touch you or kiss you, you would actually talk to me again instead of treating me like a fucking doll you can just throw to the side when you feel like it!”

Mirio was rarely speechless, but right now, he couldn’t find the right words to say to you. “I-I… Y/N–”

“If you actually cared about me then you wouldn’t have done this to me, Mirio. You wouldn’t have done any of this.”

“Fu-fuck! I’m cheating on you, okay? I don’t love you anymore! I haven’t loved you for a long time!”

“Are you happy?!” Mirio screamed at you.

He didn’t mean to, but he couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t stand the guilt any longer, he couldn’t stand to see you anymore– he couldn’t stand to see the horrible reality.

Why didn’t he just tell you in the first place?

The room went silent.

Of course everyone else had known, or at the very least had a small inkling at one point. Yes, they knew, but they never heard it said out loud nor had they never heard Mirio actually admit it.

It may have been wrong to see it in a way, but it was as if they were watching a high school romance movie unfold before them. Except movies have happy endings. They have to, people watch them to escape the horrid reality of life, not to relive it.

Mirio was the first to speak up after two minutes of silence. “Shit, Y/N– I’m sorry, Y/N? Say something, please.” He put his hand on your shoulder hesitantly, but you immediately smacked it away.

“Why… why?”

That’s always the question people ask, isn’t it?

“I… I didn’t love you anymore, but I wasn’t sure yet. All–all I knew was that it didn’t feel the same, I didn’t feel the same with you anymore. And she– Yui, you know her, don’t you Y/N? She was there…” He rambled.

You scoffed at his response. You didn’t care, it all sounded like some random story he came up with on the spot. And to be honest, Mirio didn’t know what the truth was and what wasn’t anymore. He just wanted this to be over, he wanted to go to sleep and wake up only to realize it was a dream.

“Do you regret it?”

“Y/N–” You finally let go of his wrist and looked back down at the floor, screaming as loud as you could at him.

“Do you regret being with her?!”

Would you regret asking that question?

He looked to the side and saw his and your two closest friends, Nejire and Tamaki. Would they think of him differently now? Would you still be friends with them after this?

“...I don’t regret being with her.”

“I don’t love you, Y/N.”

There it was.

The truth.

He kept talking, apologizing and saying how he should’ve told you upfront, but you weren’t paying attention. You got your answer, just like you wanted. He gave you the truth, and it hurt, just like he said it would.

You kept your head down and started to walk towards the elevator. At first you felt a bit dizzy, but you knew you’d be fine, you had to be fine. You heard some of your classmates calling after you, two of them being Nejire and Tamaki, but you couldn’t hear Mirio.

He didn’t look at you as you walked away, he didn’t call after you either.

Soon, people went back to their rooms to sleep for as long as they could before school began. They couldn’t hear your sobs and screams. They couldn’t hear you whispering pleas for this to be a nightmare, a horrible wretched nightmare. They couldn’t hear you as you held onto a gift Mirio had gotten you and muttered, “What did I do? I loved him– I love him, wasn't that enough? Isn’t it enough? Why wasn’t I enough?!”

No, they couldn’t hear you, but they knew.

[olivenight17]

Shouto Todoroki x Reader “Practice Makes Perfect”

Ahah! Y’all thought I was only gonna post fluffvember for the month, didn’t you?

Well, yeah technically I was, but also this is a piece that I collabed with @burnedbyshoto to do for an event created by @out-of-my-way-extras, and we just finished it, and we love it, so here it is!

I hope you all enjoy our dear Shouto!

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Shouto x Reader “Practice Makes Perfect”

Kisses ignited fires within everyone’s soul. When discussing being in a romantic relationship with someone who made your heart thump, kissing is always discussed. Every movie had lovers meeting in a sweet embrace. Every love song painted sweet pictures of fleeting lips. Kissing was a cornerstone of everything that is love, a trademark of being passionately in love! So why was it that despite your lovesick stories, the butterflies in your stomach for your past lovers, and the fleeting spaces between their lips and yours end with you still never being kissed?

It was just a line you had never crossed before. While you had tried to go through with it on multiple occasions, you froze when the face of any of your ex-boyfriends were coming too close. The fear of messing the kiss up and being laughed at burned into your brain every time, and you would always turn your head to miss the incoming affection. Even when dating became a familiar concept, your anxiety remained. It was the reason many of your relationships had been short lived as you broke off, unable to handle the pressure of not feeling like you were enough.

That was the main difference between your past relationships and your current one with Shouto. Even when you were feeling at your lowest, Shouto managed to bring you back up. He took you out on sweet dates, he held your hand, cuddled you and he never pushed you outside of your comfort zone. You couldn’t be happier to be with someone who was so patient and willing to take it slow.

Though, that wasn’t to say you didn’t catch the defeat in his gaze every time he leaned in for a kiss, only for you to back away. The more you saw that expression, the more you wanted to push aside your fears and pull him against your lips. You wanted to reassure him that he was enough, that you appreciated him and all of his kindness. But the anxiety building in your chest each time you thought of it stopped you cold.

This was what led you to groan exasperatedly as you flopped onto the couch in the common room. Mina laughed as she sat down next to you. “Woah, what’s got you all grumpy?”

“Me. Why can’t I just be normal?” You grumbled as you stuffed your face into a pillow.

The pink-haired girl raised an eyebrow at your actions. “Well that depends, what are you defining as normal?” She questioned, laying a comforting hand on your shoulder.

“I don’t know, just… not being so nervous that I can’t even kiss someone. I mean, come on! I’m seventeen, I’ve gone on plenty of dates and yet I can’t even muster up the courage to kiss my own boyfriend. It’s stupid and it needs to stop and yet...” You vented, clutching the pillow so tightly your knuckles turned white. It was so dumb and you were beyond over it! You just wished you had that thought process in mind when Shouto was in front of you.

Mina was silent for a few moments, but the light squeeze of her hand reminded you to loosen your grip on the pillow. “Hey, relax! It’s fine! If you’re that nervous, why not just talk to him about it?”

Lifting your head from the cushion, you gave her a look of pure panic. “Are you crazy? Talking to him about it is the number one way to embarrass myself! He’ll laugh at me as soon as I’m done talking! I’m not out here to haunt myself at night for the next fifty years of my life over that.”

Your friend gave you a pointed stare. “You are dating Todoroki Shouto. Has he ever been mean to you before?”

“Well, no, but-”

“Has he ever laughed at you?”

“No-”

“Teased you?”

“No…”

“Then, there’s nothing to be afraid of! Just tell him, everything will work out. Besides, people always say that communication is key in a relationship.” Standing up, Mina extended her hand. “Now, get up. The sooner you tell him, the better.”

You couldn’t argue with that logic and you took her hand. She helped you off the couch and lightly pulled you to the dorms. Taking in a deep breath, you started on your way. “Thanks, Mina. I’ll tell you about it later!” You called out, eyes scanning the room number on each door.

She smirked as she waved you off. “Good luck, lover girl!”

It didn’t take long for you to find Shouto’s dorm, you went there so often it was ingrained in your memory. Your hand clenched and unclenched after you knocked on his door. It wasn’t long before he opened it, gazing at you with a familiar and loving smile. “I was just thinking about you, come in.” He offered, stepping aside as you made your way in and sat on his bed. Your nervous behavior didn’t let up and it certainly didn’t pass by Shouto. “Are you okay?” He asked you and took a place next to you on the bed.

Grabbing his hand for comfort, you took another deep breath. Everything was going to be fine, you just had to tell him. “Kind of? I need to tell you something...”

He was silent, giving you the signal to go ahead.

This was it. You finally explained why you wouldn’t kiss him, you told him how scared it made you, the fear that bubbled into your chest that you would be rejected and laughed at because you didn’t know what you were doing. By the time it was all out in the open, you were on the brink of tears and clutching onto his hand like it was your lifeline. “I know it’s stupid and I’m sorry. You deserve a better reason than me not knowing what I’m doing…” You trailed off, keeping your eyes averted. You didn’t want to see the pity in his mismatched eyes.

Shouto fell quiet as he processed the information. “Don’t be ashamed of how you’re feeling, it’s okay.” He told you as he gave your hand a reassuring squeeze.

Gingerly, you nodded your head. “Thank you for understanding. I do want to work on it, I just need to get out of my own head.” You explained, feeling your cheeks burn in embarrassment.

“Then let me help you.” Your brows furrowed in confusion at Shouto’s words but before you could open your mouth, fingers tipped your head up and you felt warmth on your lips.

Everything seemed to freeze as your body stilled. This was what a kiss felt like. It was… nice. Shouto’s lips were soft and gentle, waiting for you to adjust. Hesitantly, you moved your lips against his, matching the slow pace he had set. Before you knew it, you were lost to the feeling of the kiss, tasting icy mint on his breath as your mouth opened at his prodding. Hands wrapped around your waist, pulling you from the bed and sitting you on your boyfriend’s lap instead.

When you pulled apart, your face felt flushed as you leaned your forehead against Shouto’s. There was a smile playing on his lips as he shifted you right against his chest. “I love you (Y/N), so much.” He said breathlessly, his smile growing.

You gawked before it melted into a grin to match his. “I love you too, Shouto. Wow, was my first kiss that good?” You asked, letting out a light hearted chuckle.

Your laughter stopped as Shouto removed one of his hands from your waist, using it to grip your chin again. His smile changed into a smirk as his gaze pierced into you, eyes brimming with love and lust. “Yes, it was. But you know what they say, practice makes perfect.”