#i’m debating ending therapy bc i don’t even want to talk about anything

[airsigh]

.

[makeste]

Do you have a Bakudeku (or not only if you have other things in mind) wishlist for the aftermath of the arc? and do you think their relationship will be completely resolved or Hori will stretch it out some more? (bc removing the tension completely (not halfway like DvK2) out of the most prominent relationship before the very end of the series is kind of a bold move, even though DekuvShigaraki could kinda (not literally) "replace" it)

ah but that’s the great thing about rival-type relationships, anon -- there is always going to be a certain amount of tension there on some level. not necessarily in a bad way, but just enough to keep things from ever getting boring. the key thing here is that “rival” isn’t just another word for “person I don’t get along with”; a true rival is supposed to be someone who challenges and pushes you. the thing I love so much about Deku and Kacchan’s relationship is that it has evolved from unhealthy rivalry -- jealous, insecure, and antagonistic -- into true, healthy rivalry, in which is supportive and encouraging. true rivalry is about neither of them allowing the other to rest on their laurels. it’s about both of them pushing themselves to get stronger because they don’t want to let the other down. it’s about that blend of seamless cooperation and having each other’s back while still bantering back and forth like an old married couple. I don’t know about anyone else, but for me that’s hands down my favorite type of relationship in fiction, and I don’t think I could ever get tired of it.

my “wishlist” is already coming together pretty nicely (and I’m happy to say Horikoshi finally checked off a major item as of chapter 285, though I’m still holding out for Bakugou to quote that iconic “you looked like you needed saving” line back at Deku at some point; hey, one can always hope) and has been pretty much since chapter 120 to tell the truth, which is when he really started to resolve the relationship (and it absolutely was a bold move). but here are a few more things I’m keeping my fingers crossed for. I know you specifically said the aftermath of this arc, but I sort of ended up doing a “things I want from now up until the end of the series” thing instead, lol my bad.

anyway, so BakuDekuish Things I Would Like To See:

the reveal that Bakugou’s hero name is tied to Deku.

the two of them having Mutual Angst about whatever the fuck is going to happen with All Might. :/

Bakugou returning the favor Deku paid him way back in chapter 62, once Deku finally has whatever crisis of faith the series seems to be building him up to. if you recall, 62 was the chapter where Bakugou threw a temper tantrum about having to work together with Deku and was all “I’d rather lose,” and Deku LOST HIS SHIT COMPLETELY and clocked him clean in the jaw and was all “I DON’T WANT TO HEAR YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SAY THAT YOU’D RATHER LOSE,” and got him to see sense that sometimes you can’t win all on your own and you have to work together in order to accomplish that. to make a long story short, I think the series is building up to a similar moment, except with the roles reversed Because Parallels, and Kacchan helping Deku get his head on straight when it comes to trying to save everyone all by himself.

a threequel fight at Ground Beta. possibly in connection to the above angst, if they are feeling so inclined. or else maybe building up to...

Bakugou apologizing to Deku (and yes he does need to, and yes it is coming; 284 was pretty much confirmation of that. if All Might says they will have their chance to talk then they’ll have their chance to talk, dammit).

Horikoshi revealing what The Deal Is with that Bakuvestige (which I debated including on this list because I know it’s still controversial af lol, but screw it. I want to see a Kacchan vestige giving Deku some Cranky Vestige Advice, and also teaming up with spirit!Deku and the All Might!vestige and the rest to battle AFO at the end of the series. this post goes more in depth as to how I think it might play out).

and last but not least, hand-holding is all well and good, and I know everyone’s kind of (justifiably) obsessed with it right now thanks to volume 29. but I’m gonna go ahead and take it one step further than that, and put it out there into the universe that as far as heartfelt gestures of affection and long-overdue reconciliation go, what I am really craving more than anything else is A HUG. YEAH THAT’S RIGHT. DON’T BE BABIES ABOUT THIS, YOU TWO. HUGS ARE MANLY AF, SO GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER AND DO IT ALREADY. no Kacchan, I don’t want to hear about “eww Deku cooties.” yes, Deku will cry. you probably will cry too you big emo, just suck it up and do it already goddammit.

anyway, so there you have it. honestly though, no matter how many of these Horikoshi ultimately decides to indulge me on, I’m pretty sure this will continue to be my favorite relationship in the series. and honestly, I think a large part of that for me is because they started to sort their shit out so early. speaking as someone who was a big Naruto fan back in the day and never got over how poorly Naruto and Sasuke’s relationship was handled, for me Deku and Kacchan’s relationship is sort of an ongoing therapy for that lol. three cheers for rivals who actually talk their shit out with each other, and listen. goddamn.

[dangerous-disposition]

my mag172 #thots i will not be swayed from

The tl;dr version:

Fuck the web

Fuck Web!Martin theories (like i cannot even properly articulate why i hate this theory so much now, and I used to subscribe to it)

And fuck Annabelle Cane, I literally hate her with my entire being.

As a recovering addict, I would say... this is the best episode of the show, and I will also never, ever listen to it again.

Now the long version below the cut.

So I hate the Web, and I hate Annabelle Cane. To me, the other fears make sense on a primal human level. The Web is just...pure evil. It was born from the choices of evil people, and is only used for evil. Plain and simple. It is, at it’s core the worst fear and I hate it. There is nothing anyone can say that will make me not hate it.

Because of point number one, I refuse to believe in or subscribe to literally any Web!Martin theory. At all. Listen, MAG170 killed Web!Martin theories completely, imho, and any amount of theorizing in favour of Web!Martin is grasping at straws. But I refuse to believe that my perfect boy, who spent the entire time in the Lonely defending his abuser, who busted his own ass out of the Lonely bc he was in love would be part of something as evil as the Web. Like I just....I feel like there was no way to have had an episode, completely from the POV of Martin, and not gotten any spoken hint at him being even remotely connected to the Web. Just. No.

The argument at the beginning, if you could call that an argument: I have noticed, especially in recent episodes, that Jon seems influenced by the domain and especially the “statement giver” before he even begins his monologue. Like...kinda showing how the forced Knowing creeps up on him? This theory of mine has been in the back of my mind since MAG168 but I don’t know how to fully explain it because it just fully formed in my head after this episode. Something changed after Oliver’s statement, just like it did in Season 1, and again at the beginning of Season 4. In MAG170, Jon got separated from Martin, and I feel like...Jon wouldn’t have just....left Martin behind, even by accident, even during a monologue and I just...I feel like, to some degree, Jon had been at least a little bit influenced by the Lonely and got separated that way. And then in the Flesh, approaching Jared, Jon was confused that Martin didn’t find the flesh flowers beautiful, and the way he said it...it struck me as a very Jared thing to say. And then the way Jon talked in this episode, the way Jon got defensive and sniped at Martin just....it was very similar in feeling to Francis’ own words being mirrored back to them by the spider. Just....i’m not sure where I’m going with this, or even if it has sound basis in canon. It’s just been a pattern I’ve noticed but it was made clearer to me now.

I refuse to see that final interaction with Martin and Jon as anything other than two frustrated and exhausted men trudging through the apocalypse, and whatnot. Like I can just hear the absolutely lukewarm takes ppl will have and just. Nah, leave me out of it.

Loved the explanation about Knowing vs. Understanding.

Also loving Jon and Martin still discussing boundaries, and Martin has a right to said boundaries, and I’m getting where he’s coming from in now wanting to know, or for Jon to Know. I think I would be the same, not wanting to know if my feelings for someone or choices were my own or made for me, especially if I had gone through as much as Martin has. I rly did not see this as an omen of any kind, especially with them having that conversation in the middle of the Web’s domain.

This episode was hard. I’m recovering from alcoholism, I’ve recovered from cigarette addiction repeatedly, and also struggle with binge eating disorder which is often treated the same way as an addiction would in therapy. I relate to Francis as a recovering addict, and I thought this episode did an amazing job in illustrating addiction, and relapse, and the little ways addicts get undermined and undermine themselves in the recovery process. I don’t think this episode compared addiction to being a monster, nor do I think it downplayed the mental illness aspect of addiction. I made a post earlier about how these statements are mad with heavy bias, especially during the apocalypse, and they’re about fear. Recognizing that addiction is a mental illness and showing it as such does not translate fear, and if it did, I feel like that would be more the Corruption’s domain than any others. The Web is about not being in control, it’s about not having a choice or free will, it’s about feeling trapped by the choices you once made and are unable to make choices that contradict those. With addiction, that is a very real feeling. You can tell me all day that it’s mental illness, it’s rooted in depression or anxiety or whatever, and all you have to do is treat that cause and address it blah blah blah. I know. We know. But when you’re struggling with a relapse, or a near-relapse, it does not feel like you’re in control, it does not feel like you are driving your own body. It feels like someone else is behind the wheel, and you hate that person, and you are terrified of that person. That person is ruining your life and you feel like you cannot fucking stop them. But then you do! You can do it. And a lot of us succeed, and I feel like if the world hadn’t ended, Francis would be doing okay. Just like I’m doing okay. And the countless other recovering addicts I know. But in a fictional world, where our fears are actual entities, with physical avatars doing their bidding everywhere, in an apocalyptic hellscape where the fears EXIST ON OUR PLANE of reality, where people are forced to live through their greatest fears forever.

Idk, i just thought this was a really good episode and I’m debating blacklisting TMA until next week lmao.

I just wanted to add this bc I rly don't want ppl to eventually come at me about their personal experiences w addiction and just... Jonny confirmed that he wrote this episode from his own experiences as an addict and his fears regarding addiction, plus that season 5 is about fear not truth so.

Read the following tweets before trying to push your experiences as the "truer" experience or whatevs I've already been seeing.

[do-i-love-jaal-today]

   Hullo! Aki here. It’s been awhile since I made a personal post, and it’s really only just because I wanted to ask a question...

   Would people be alright if I linked my Ko-Fi here?

   It ties into a lot of personal stuff that I’ll bring up under the cut, but the TL;DR is: I’ve been unlucky in finding a job. My writing commissions haven’t been going well, either. I can’t go back home for very important reasons. My stuff got stolen, even. Anything would be helpful. (But I also don’t want to just put it there and stress out my followers who didn’t come here for another “please help me” post. Seriously, I wouldn’t judge ya’ll for that.)

   So... I’m basically asking, “Would my followers be comfortable if I asked for help?” (I would also be more than happy to do commissions in the world of Mass Effect, for those who’d want something in return.)

   ...And yes, this is why I haven’t gotten to asks in a long, long while. I’m so sorry about that! OTL

   So... I’ll do my best to summarize!

   In November 2020, I tried to talk to my mom about some shit the stepdad was doing. (He says a lot of racist... All-phobic shit. Like, xenophobia, transphobia... It’s a lot. I’ve quickly grown to dislike him and avoid him at every opportunity, as talking to him usually ends up in him upsetting me in some way.)

   This led to trying to talk about me being nonbinary...and it quickly went from bad to worse. I broke down (in a way that’s embarrassing now, but in the moment, was raw in the heartbreak), my mom didn’t say much aside from saying “they/them doesn’t make sense as pronouns” (she’s now trying to gaslight me and saying I “remembered it wrong”; sure I do), and when stepdad got involved... Well. Worse.

   I’ve been living with my boyfriend (and his dad) since. And while the loss of my babysitting job (as well as my then-writing commissions) at the time helped me get money from unemployment... I no longer have that.

   I’ve been trying to do online therapy with little effect. (My first therapist encouraged the narrative that maybe “stepdad would’ve been more accepting” of me had I accepted him (he was- and is- incredibly religious and it made me uncomfortable....y’know, bc he used it to justify stupid shit).

   I’ve been bouncing between home (here, w/ my bf) and my dad’s apartment for months now. (I haven’t been keeping track; I’m not allowed to stay at the house. His dad doesn’t want me there alone, so I have to go elsewhere during the day.)

   My suitcase and an armful of my fave clothes got stolen from my bf’s trunk, as well as my microphone (for VA // VO work) and camcorder (it was in the suitcase). His trunk has a habit of popping open at random...

   As mentioned offhand before, I’ve been gaslit by my mom over this. ✌ Saying that being told (by my friends) that she’s a gaslighter was the “worst thing ever” to happen to her. 🙃 Sure, ma’am.

   Not long after I talked with her (and rolled with it out of habitually “keeping the peace” and she might still receive my mail on occasion), I had to be the adult with my dad... (He got upset that I told him I wanted to stay 4 days over when my bf got dragged out of state by his dad. I didn’t ask, so he got huffy with me. I ended up staying by myself in a hotel those 4 days...and then had to be like, “Oh, I see. I’m sorry I misunderstood. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t realize I said and not asked...”)

   (It feels like complaining to talk about some of these...but I’m already depressed + anxious. I’m also autistic. This whole year, combined with COVID... I’m at my wit’s end. I could sleep the day away and cry all damn day if I had the time. I’m so, so tired. Even if I “need” to be an adult right now and it’s only logical that I step up to the plate with my parents as an adult all my own... It’s so difficult.)

   ...I hope this made sense! I’m just... In need of help.

   If anyone wants to know where their money would go, it’d primarily end up:

food

apartment

+ things for the apartment

saving up for an iPad + pen (I’m debating if I want a new tablet or if I just wanna....start drawing on iPad)

getting another microphone (so I can apply for VO // VA jobs)

clothes

a comfort item (just one!! I’m waiting to buy a plush of a comfort character I can take with me to and from my dad’s house to help keep me sane)

   But...yes. Is this something people would be okay with? Or should I just...not do it? (PLEASE know it’s ok to not be comfortable w/ this! This blog has been about ya’ll from day 1 and I’m not gonna stop now, even amidst all of this.)

[seijorhi]

asks :)

Below the cut 💕

OMFG I JUST READ UR SPLIT FIC AND AHHHHHHHHHHHH IT WAS SO GOOD. Ur such a good writer I’m jealous

BBY!!! I’M GLAD YOU LIKED IT!!! but fr no need to be jealous it’s just some horny ramblings 👉👈

I just wanted to say that I LOVE your haikyuu fics! Especially the Oikawa/Iwa soulmate au one! Just a quick question tho, would their darling be able to turn the duo against eachother? Like maybe she/he/they prefers Iwa more than Oikawa and that could lead to some competition?

ok i’ve talked about this a little bit before in another ask but my tags are a mess and i can’t find it but tbh i think it would be almost impossible for their darling to actually turn them against each other - even in a tiny way just because their own relationship with each other is rock solid. Iwa knows how to deal with Oikawa at his worst and vice versa. if you do end up showing preference to one over the other - say you cling to Iwa because he doesn’t go as hard on his punishments or Oikawa because a pissed off Iwa scares you they’re gonna notice, and there is nothing like a little exposure therapy to cure your fears.

Inquiring minds need to know: does the slasher trio fuck you in front of their victims? When they’re alive? When they’re dead? Both???

Bruh.... I think you know the answer to that ;)

I just read Final Girl and I just wanna say that it scared the shit out of me??? I rarely watch horror let alone slasher movies and most of the time I imagine what would happen if they keep one of their victims and your fic just damn. It was scary good

you have no idea how happy that makes me?? because like when i write fics i’m trying to convey emotions and build tension and stuff but until somebody else reads it you never know if it’s actually worked?? so this makes me all 🥺

Yo I just read your Shiggy fic the chikan and boy oh boy I am a huge fan of it. He’s so gross but it does something to me and I don’t know why but I’m here for it. Also I love your writing I may or may not have just binged your blog but it was so good and I just could not help myself 😅, anyway I hope you have a good day!

SHIGGY SUPREMACY!! no but i took so long with that fic and now i just wanna write a bunch more creeper shigaraki i love him sm! anyway thank you fo being such a sweetheart - i hope your day’s going well too!!

Idk if it's thirsting hours, but I'm a horny bastard, so I'm just gonna express myself. Every time, I watch Ushijima show emotion and get excited about volleyball, I think about Outrunning Fate and daydream about the kind of face he would make while he rails a resistant, crying reader. And I feel like Tendou would just watch his facial expressions for a while because this is a side of Ushi he's never seen, and he just wants to admire him. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. @ks350

so it’s not exactly a secret that Ushi’s a little... stoic, but with things he genuinely cares about - volleyball, and you guessed it, his adorable little resistant soulmate - that’s when he lets himself soften a touch, smiling easier, seemingly without even realising it. He tends to get a little carried away when he’s fucking her because he’s honestly just so fucking content, this is exactly where he’s supposed to be and nothing else matters, not even your pretty tears and soft whimpers for him to stop. Of course Tendou’s gonna watch!

Okayyyy so I just read Split and, as always, your writing is superbbbb. Osamu acting like he was innocent in the whole situation? Atsumu being the sadistic little shit that he is? 💯 My brain is just full of thoughts of the Miya Brothers that I decided to read their Soulmate AU this early in the morning and I noticed how the party was set in the new captain's house.

And OMG as third years Atsumu's the new captain of Inarizaki and holy fuck there's a huge possibility the reader, their soulmate, just lost her V card in either of the twin's room or bed. Wouldn't that situation be a cluster fuck that drove them both crazy to do those things at the end after denying reader? Goshhhh I love this little subtle details in your fic. You are such a genius writer that endless possibilities are available to be interpreted by us readers. Thank you so much Rhi 💖💖💖 @pamdamonyum

👀 sqirugpq3urnioklnjk you’re a sweetheart 

but can you imagine if it was Atsumu’s bed and he was the one to find you and the soccer captain? because like i genuinely debated about having them kick his ass and i think in that circumstance... not even Samu would be able to hold him back!

❤️❤️😍😘💕✌️

I love you too, you funky little anon

Ok omg split was amazing! I have to share smth tho when my bro and I were kids (like pretty young), when one of us did something “bad” we’d be like “no that wasn’t me it wasn’t me it was my evil twin,” and like then we’d forgive the other and shit talk abt our “evil” versions bc it wasn’t the “good” twin’s fault lol. So the “Osamu you promised!” “Osamu isn’t here rn,” had me dying. Like so perfect. What bs. Then the end with Osamu “I couldn’t stop him” miya like oh yeah ofc just your evil twin nothing you could have done 🙄 like it was so perfect, I loved it!

aw that’s actually really cute tho! i honest to god think that Osamu’s worse in this one - at least Atsumu never pretends to be anything other than what he is. Osamu’s just as toxic and warped, but he acts like the hero, like it wasn’t his obsession that started this all

So, I just read the Dear Old Friend Osamu drabble and I couldn't help but grin. The implications I got from it and the initial one-shot were the following;

1. Atsumu is a titties man, considering how much he bit and teased them in DOF.

2. 'Samu I don't have a favourite twin how dare you is an ass man considering how many words of that drabble were dedicated to his thoughts lingering on the titular dear old friend's arse.

And I'm just LIVING for it because they really do complete each other in that regard. But also because 'Samu strikes me as the kind of guy that likes face sitting and spanking his partner while they sandwich his face between their thighs. And Atsumu strikes me as the kind of person that likes just randomly fiddling with his partner's tiddies because tiddy = fun.

Also, hi! I love your writing! Pretty sure this is my first ask, even though it's not, really??? @pavlovs-titties

ahh you’re so sweet, thank you bby!!

and yeah, Atsumu’s definitely a tiddies kinda guy and Osamu prefers ur butt (but also not me writing that little drabble because i wanted to tease the idea Osamu have his turn leaving his mark on the reader by spanking her till she’s nice and sore 😉)

Baby, you were amazing ❤️! I don't know how I still get surprised by your awesomeness, but I do. You're amazing and no one can tell you different 🥺🥰

💖💖💖 sdfghjhgj you’ve got me all blushy and soft, thank you!!! 

the jokes on you tho because in actual fact you’re the one who’s amazing?? ily!!

[blueboltkatana]

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST

GUrll ur so sexy... Like you're Hot. I don't care if you were bullied in school, you're sexy, they lied.

Also bitch I KNEW i related to you too much our ascendants are both in leo we're so hot.

Ok ok no now I'll stop complimenting and start with the roasting here we go:

So the sun is your sense of "self" it represents you on the more base level i guess you could say, like what most people think you're like is represented by your sun. With Sagittarius being your sun it means you're very energetic Especially for those things you are passionate about, you might have gone through a LOT of hobbies, only a few of them stuck around but you like to try things. You're curious about the way people's minds works, you wanna figure them out. If the conversations you have don't involve some form of psychoanalysis or philosophy you might loose interest. You are a Talker, maybe you talk very fast or you are often told to lower your voice but you don't do it on purpose you're just very very animated. You are kina volatile, in the sense that you value freedom in everything, love, work, hobbies. You have a huge rebellious streak and you kinda like testing your luck. Think adrenaline junkie. It's cliché but with this much Sagittarius in your chart you prob love traveling, like i said you will chase freedom because you associate it with happiness. If you find people that make you feel free then you feel happy. Rules don't go well with you. You don't really like being involved with fights per se but you LOVE debating, if you can beat a motherfucker with nothing but facts and logic you will and you will enjoy it.

Your way of flirting or making friends is "lowkey bullying" or my favourite "verbally throwing hands". If they shoot back you get heart eyes (my mars in sag agrees). You can be tactless as fuck tho. Like you will say some outrageous shit that MIGHT be funny if the timing is right or MIGHT make everyone in a 5 mile radius mad.

I NEED to talk about your moon in sag bc Babe, babe the moon tells us about our emotions and how we deal with them, how we express them and how they shape us. But BABE. Sagittarius moons are so bad at comforting people it's embarrassing, trying to make them think of smth else or do smth else to distract from the situation is NOT a good way to deal with your emotions... Avoiding your emotions like the plague is not gonna invent a vaccine... Saying "everything is fine :)" DOESN'T MAKE ANYTHING FINE PLEASE GO TO THERAPY. ok to give you some credit, you don't let shit bring you down, no matter what you always get up and that is a *strength* that i admire, but love you're burning the candle at both ends, especially if you get yourself in More problems by trying to distract yourself from One problem.

Also you've had a horsegirl phase or a dog obsession phase or both huh. AND your love language is sarcasm but the type that you will make someone laugh when you're insulting them. You're also hilarious irl you're prob the "funny friend" but with that scorpio mars and venus baby inside ur sad and dark as fuck ripp.

I also wanted to talk about your mercury in sag... Babe... Do you know what a brain to mouth filter IS?! do you recognize that word?!?! Cuz you have never used yours i think. Like you are hilarious but that's because you have dolphins in the head cavity baby. Not trying to say you're stupid, you're actually very smart and opinionated, probably have been told that you'd be a great lawyer or smth. But miss gurl please think before you speak for the love of god ur gonna make someone cry. Also ur mouth is foul. Have you ever spoken a sentence without a "fuck" or a "cunt" somewhere in there?! God bless.

Now for your scorpio Venus I'm just gonna say, more confirmation that ur Sexy as Fuck, scorpio venuses are just sexy, amazing partners, VERY passionate, whoever dates you will never forget you, for better or for worse you'll forever be on the back of their mind. You had a harsh emo phase huh, maybe loved some obscure shit like witchcraft or just love dressing all black like someone's mother died, i bet you wear silver jewelry a lot, maybe necklaces or rings or chockers. If this isn't how you dress now it was prob a major phase in your life. Or maybe you just love horror movies idk

Being as passionate as you are you don't take well to being mistreated or lied to, you might like to plot revenge and things like those, you wouldn't do anything... You actually prefer letting things go but you WILL make an elaborate scenario in your head at 3am or even as you stare right in the persons face.

With mars in scorpio you might be kinda passive aggressive, maybe you act like things don't really bother you but you throw a comment or two once in a while just to stir the pot bc you can't move on lmfao.

You are attracted to people that are introverts or generally just mysterious, like i said above the nature of the Sagittarius is to Learn and to Study. People that you can't immediately figure out intrigue you. All your crushes are either on geminis or water signs lmfao.

The best careers for you are the ones that allow you some freedom of either movement or expression and something that can keep your mind from flying away, something that keeps you intrigued, like research or writing. You're a very "all or nothing" person and it can sometimes scare people away, i advise you to work on compromising, being less stubborn and more open with your emotions and desires.

(part one bc I'm taking too long and I don't wanna keep you waiting so much) I'll reblog this with part 2

Alright here we go part 2 of Roasting hella until she finds out I'm hiding in her walls.

I will skip over some planets that are Very slow moving and usually don't talk about you as an individual but refer to your generation as a whole.

I wanna focus on lilith for a sec bc worstie lilith talks about our fears, our more "darker" side that we hide from ourselves as well as the people that we love. Lilith in aries in the eleventh house tells me you might be afraid to take charge, you gravitate towards positions of leadership but you let go on the last second, almost afraid to have too much control, very often self sabotaging your own success. Your anger and you own ambition might scare you, you might be afraid of appearing too aggressive bc under your skin you have a deep rooted anger and rebellion that you wish to relieve but you can't find a good enough outlet, some things soothe it but you always feel like it never leaves. It might be related to some form of resentment that you never truly dealt with and now it sits uncomfortably with you and you just can't get over it and it bothers you. You might have been shy in groups as a child, maybe you talked a lot but it was always from a fear of the silence not always because you had something to say. The eleventh house is that of groups and friends and social awareness, technology and your hopes and wishes for the future, having lilith in this house talks about someone who had a hard time feeling comfortable around people OR someone who wasn't very accepted. You might have desperately wished for friends but have found it hard to find any. Or if you did, you deep down felt very alone. I would advise to learn to accept your anger and deal with it in healthy ways instead of brushing it off and repressing it.

The north node talks about what you need to focus more in your life for example in your case with Gemini in your North node you need to focus more on your communication letting go of anxiety and your relation with other people you need to become more interested in intellectual pursuit and growth. You need to let go off the need to always be right and look more at details instead of focusing on on the bigger picture all of the time. When your North node is is in Gemini then your South node is in Sagittarius which tells me that what you should focus less on is your pursuit of freedom and your rebellion. Be more aware of your words and use them with maturity.

Now let's have some fun with the ascendent in leo which we share and now i see why ur so relatable. The first house or the ascendant is that very superficial layer of our personality, it includes the way we carry ourselves, our style, the little habits or quirks we have. One thing about leo ascendants is that we have an obsession with our hair. Hair is important to us, some have huge hair that might remind you of a lions mane, others just have very unique style or color but we ALL are lowkey or highkey obsessed with it, either constantly touching it, pulling it, chewing on it, cutting it or dying it in unique ways you name it. You might have a rather large nose or cat like eyes.

This ascendent is full of life and light, very funny, light hearted and luxurious, you want to live that good life and i don't blame you. A negative aspect is that we come of as intimidating to others. ALL of my friends AND my ex have at some point told me I was intimidating to them. It makes us prone to overcompensating for it later in life so maybe now you're super outgoing and extroverted and you approach people first and try to be super friendly. Also you're an attention whore (affectionate) with a flare for the dramatics, very flamboyant, you basically fill the room with personality, it attracts attention and you love it. You're what people would call a "sunny" person.

You're hella competitive (get it lol) and you LOVE fighting your way to the top and crushing the competition. You're probably a weirdo that low key likes school. Not the way it's run or the teachers or whatever, but the "idea" of school. If you could just learn all your life you absolutely would.

Second house in virgo. The 2nd house is the house of money, work, income, daily routines, values, material possessions, habits, work ethic ect being in virgo it means you can have an extremely good work ethic, you put a lot of thought in planning and mapping your work, you might get overly critical on your work though and often undermine your own success and efforts because they didn't fit your impossible standards. You can be very organized in your work, you want things to be a certain way and if they don't follow your plan you will Make them. Its a good position for virgo but yoh need to be aware of not overworking by trying to do Everything on your own. Let others help you, and let people in your work do their own things don't try to help if not asked to because you will overwork yourself.

The third house is that of the mind, thinking, communication, siblings, interests and early education, in your case it is in Libra which means that you're early education might not have been very stable or it was a period of time that you look back with a lot of fondness but not much substance. You are a good talker but you get lost when it comes to details, you are indecisive when it comes to settling on an opinion on something if you don't have All the facts first, you always want to be right. You are pretty open minded and easy to talk to but you might have the bad habit of rambling off topic. You change interests constantly and you prob like to talk about others, you wanna know the tea if it kills you. You prob had a crush on a childhood best friend or on a hot neighbor. Your relationship with your siblings might be pretty good, friendly, no particular resentment or anything like that, you might be the one that everyone treats a little better, people let you get away with things more often, you might be the one that takes 2 hours in the bathroom lol.

Oof fourth house in scorpio babe how are the mommy issues? 😬 How is your relationship with your femininity? Having trouble with keeping secrets? So the fourth house is the one responsible for your home roots, your family, self-care, emotions, your mother, women and your femininity and having Scorpio here tells me that you might have very strong ties to your family, but they weren't healthy or emotionally supportive. You have grown with people that might have undermined your emotions, people that didn't teach you to set healthy boundaries and maybe even manipulators and gaslighters. You might have been the type to put your foot down a lot a home, assuming a very dominant role as well as the defender. You're very private about your family life and don't want to let people too close.

Ah i just noticed u have like 3 planets in this house including ur Sun and Moon, babe this house is what you need to focus on when you go to therapy. This almost secretive, guarded approach to understanding your own emotions is very prominent in how you see yourself, how you feel and with Pluto there, how you change. I could say the biggest changes in your life have happened in these areas and they have left the biggest impacts on you. Yes you are passionate and protective but don't let bad feelings marinate forever, address them and then move on from them because they're just weighting you down.

Fifth house in sag, also the house of your mercury. This house represents Love, romance, creativity, self expression, joy and childlike spirit. It tells me the way you express your creativity is through words which makes sense since you're a great writer, but not only, the way you express Love is also through your words, expression and free thoughts are your way you tell your loved ones how much you mean to them, think poetry, long rants, music recommendations bc of specific song lyrics, you have been writing form childhood and it's one of the ways you express your view on beauty as well, to you love is freedom and freedom is expression.

Capricorn in the sixth house paired with both uranus and neptune being in it tells me there is something about your knees, joints, bones or teeth in particular that stands out when it comes to your health, maybe you tend to break your teeth, maybe you like chewing on crunchy foods, maybe your joints crack a lot, idk but I'd drink my milk if i was you, take care of your joints and bones. Also for you, being emotionally unwell often translates to being Physically unwell as well, so be mindful of your emotions because they do affect you physically. You need to keep hydrated also and your health plan needs structure for it to work bc that neptune makes everything very chaotic and uranus constantly makes you bored and wanting to spice things up. Take care of your emotional needs just as much as you would with your physical ones. And for the love of jesus be CAREFUL with alcohol or smoking because that neptune in ur health house could mean serious trouble if you let it become an addiction, don't push it.

Aquarius in the seventh house of relationships, marriage, contracts, business partners ect means you are untraditionally traditional. That makes sense in my head let me explain. Aquarius is a sign that seeks individualism desperately, it likes to feel like a special person, impossible to understand. Yet always feels comfortable in the structure of traditional and safe paths. So for example you might marry someone in a way that is not traditional but at the end of the day you wish for your marriage to have a stability you would feel safe falling into. Also it says ur gay. Air signs in the relationship house says ur gay i Make the rules.

Pisces is in the eighth house of sex, intimacy, shared finances, inheritance, taxes, loans, property, mystery, partner's resources. This tells me you fuck with feeling lmfao. Or you simply make your love life something "special", a connection that only you and ur person can share, it's what makes you an amazing lover and an unforgettable one as well. But as amazing as you are at creating a otherworldly atmosphere, ur just as shit at setting boundaries and saying something when you don't like something. You don't like to see things that you love ending and a failed relationship makes you blame yourself too much, you have the tendency to stay in situations where you are being mistreated but you tell yourself It's on you.

A recurring theme I'm seeing is some weakness when it comes to liars or manipulators in your life. So either you irrationally fear people are lying to you because you "lie" to them about yourself or a lot of people in your childhood might have used lying or gaslighting as a way to keep you under control. I would advise to try not to overthink and become paranoid, people love you and they believe in you and they aren't deceiving you, they don't secretly mean something different from what they have said. Listen to your intuition about people sure, but don't confuse it with anxiety.

With lilith and aries in the 9th house of travel and higher education and religion I'm gonna assume you might have religious trauma. Religion might have been a way that people used to try and control you, if not religion then some form of system or government law. Being queer i completely understand the sentiment but in your case it's take a step further because you Value the ideals of this house so much, with lilith here, it's like at som point in your life you were finally awakened to how much injustice there was in the world ant that has made you very inclined to take action, you cannot stand unjust government or non tolerating religions. You might have felt crushed under an unjust system and it took you a lot of will and conviction to find your individuality and build yourself how you wanted once you were free.

Your midheaven in taurus tells me you are one that will achieve any goals you set your mind to. It might take you time, you might procrastinate around it, but at the end of the day, you will do it and you will do it well and it will be rewarding. If your father isn't a Taurus then he was a stable figure in your life, very much a rock for better or for worse. In your career life people will see you as very competent, very down to earth and helpful but you know you just procrastinated till the last second possible and stayed up all night do finish your work... You will seek careers that you believe will guarantee you stable income and a comfortable life. You might indulge in luxury from time to time because you think in order to get the position you want at work you need to look the part. Ultimately it's your sheer stubbornness and spite that gets you all the way up to the top of the food chain.

The eleventh house of groups, friendships, humanitarianism, and social awareness is in your case in gemini. It tells me you value friendship extremely and you surround yourself with a diverse cast of friends, you couldn't mix your different friend groups if you tried and you have tried. You have the habit of being too friendly to everyone which makes you end up with more friends than you know what to do with. You are approachable but people can get the impression that you are putting up a show or a facade and your emotions arent genuine, it's not always the case but you need to be more truthful and assertive, put some boundaries and don't let people get away with shit you don't like. Your public persona is very well liked, seen as fun and bright and smart and overall a joy to be around.

Now that last placement... 12th house cancer, i have the same placement and babe I'm sorry for all the shit you have been through. You deserve the freedom to be unhappy and to express that unhappiness in healthy ways. You deserve to be given unconditional love and support no matter how many mistakes you say you have made no matter how overly pessimistic you are about yourself it doesn't matter you're amazing and i love you and you deserve the world.

With jupiter the planet of expansion in the 12th house of endings, spirituality, solitude and karma?! Gurl i did say u were a cult leader but i didn't think it was astrologically backed up rippp. But it also says you might have a hard time getting the motivation to finish things, you might take a long time to finish a project. This house placements also tells me you're amazing at writing emotional ass fantasy stories which by now we have confirmed, but if you have like, an original idea for a book don't hesitate to get it started babe bc u have a very promising placement for that. Don't get too dragged into a sad whirlpool of emotions and daydreams but bring your creative ideas to life and you'll be fine.

This is all I'm doing today and i think it's enough lol. I'm posting this I'm sorry to my followers for the long ass post I'll tag it so you can filter it. This was a whole psycho-astrological analysis of our favourite writer Hellspawn1975. I have wanted to study her like a new lizard species for a while and i finally got the chance thank you hella for the opportunity.

Final words to @hella1975 i hate you and I'll fuck ur mom tomorrow, gn babe <3

[embeanwrites]

can you do an artemis x reader based off of either crush culture by conan gray or scary live by the neighbourhood? sorry if you don’t do song-based fics, i wasn’t sure. thanks anyway!

A/N: I haven’t written a songfic in so long, so I hope I still have that magic! I use to exclusively write them! I hadn’t heard of either of these songs, so I listened to both and went with Scary Love! Also decided to put them both in college bc I’m a sucker for two nerds meeting at a party (Also I’m a simp for cuddles and kisses 

Masterlist

Move to the city with me

Don't wanna be alone

Don't wanna be alone

You're too pretty for me

Baby, I know, it's true, yeah

It was rare Artemis went out with friends, it was even rarer that he followed them to a party. But here he was at some frat house on a Friday. He had ditched his friends five Fridays in a row and he was starting to feel bad about saying no every time. He told himself he just needed to go to one party and then he could say no without feeling guilty. 

He was holding a red solo cup full of a mix between fruit punch and vodka. It was honestly terrible, but by holding it fewer people walked up and asked him if he wanted a drink. He wanted to leave, but he felt bad ditching his friends when they were absolutely wasted. 

The pop music was beginning to give him a headache so he headed outside. He was surprised that the police hadn’t been called to tell them to turn it down. Not technically leaving the party, but he went far enough away that maybe he could just take a break from this mess. Hopefully, his friends would be ready to leave soon. He wasn’t looking forward to babysitting the three of them. 

You look better when you first wake up

Than anybody else I've fucked

Baby, I got good luck with you

I didn't know we'd get so far

And it's only the start

Baby, you got me worried 

Outside a few stragglers were sitting in the grass. Including a couple of people making out. Artemis began walking around the house to find a quiet place to sit.

“Artemis?” He turned towards the voice and saw a girl he recognized from his political sociology class. They were the only two people who regularly talked and answered the professor’s questions. She was highly intelligent and was a decent debater. 

“(Y/n).” He smiled and walked towards her. He sat down next to her. She was sitting in the grass with a book. When he sat down she put her bookmark in and held her book to her chest. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here.” She looked over at him with a small smile. 

“I didn’t expect to spend my Friday here.” He smiled back at her. Maybe it was the vodka in his system or maybe he was just really happy to be around her. 

Your love is scaring me

No one has ever cared for me

As much as you do, ooh

Yeah, I need you here

Your love is scaring me

No one has ever cared for me

As much as you do, ooh

Yeah, I need you here

“Do you make it a point to come to parties and sit outside to read?” He teased. She laughed and looked at her book.

“No, I have an essay due tomorrow night and I’ve been putting it off.” She sighed. “My friends forced me to come. They’ve asked me every Friday and I’ve finally run out of excuses they’ll buy.” Artemis felt his face heat up. She was smart and socially awkward like him. 

“What’s your essay about?” He gently took the book from her. ‘Controlling Desires’ by Kirk Ormand. He smirked and flipped through the book. 

“It’s supposed to be about comparing translations to direct sources. However, this dude found new fragments and he credited them to Sappho, but it really seems that he made them up. I asked the professor if I could write about that instead. She said yes, but now I’m regretting it.” Artemis watched her nervously pulling and fidgeting with grass. He noted how nervous she seemed. “I know, I’m a huge dork. I just like sociology and classics.” 

“You’re not a dork for enjoying school.” He nudged his shoulder against hers and she smiled at him. “If I wasn’t here I would probably be reading.”

“What would you be reading?” She asked, watching him flip through her book. 

“Well, seeing this book makes me want to re-read Ovid’s Metamorphoses.” She turned towards Artemis and her whole face lit up, she had a nervous smile. 

Ridin' through the city with me

Just watching you glow

I'm in the passenger sea

You're in control

It's on you now, mhm

“This might be a little forward, but do you want to come back to my dorm?” He watched her fiddle with more pieces of grass. He was surprised by how forward she was, but he would be lying if he said he wasn’t impressed by her. She had guts.

“My friends, they're wasted and I really need to make sure they get home safe.” He watched her face fall, causing him to wince. “I would really like to, it’s just-”

“It’s okay, really I shouldn’t have asked-”

“(Y/n)! Are you ready?” Artemis looked over to see two girls looking over at the two of them curiously. Before he could say anything else she gently took her book back, gave him a small wave, and left with her friends. 

That was the first girl that’s expressed interest in him since coming to college. He pulled his knees to his chest and hugged his legs. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t interested in her. She is smart, passionate, and cute. He liked the way her eyes lit up when she started talking about something she liked and how she never backed down in class, no matter how many people were against her. He was afraid she wouldn’t like him back, but she just asked him out and he said no. 

“I’m an idiot.” He muttered into his legs. 

You look better every day, I swear

Really, it's a little unfair

Baby, I'm star-struck by you

Didn't know we'd get so far

And it's only the start

Baby, you got me worried (ay)

Artemis managed to wrangle his friends and get them back to their respected dorms before he was standing outside her residence hall. He felt weird knowing where she lived, but she complained about it one time to him in class. It had no AC and the hot water only worked half the time. He had no idea what his next move would be, he didn’t have her phone number and he didn’t even know where her room was. 

“Hey?” He turned around and there she was for the second time. She was still clutching her book from earlier. “What are you doing here?”

“I got my friends home and I thought I’d come by if your offer still stands of course. I understand if you want me to leave.” He sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck and looked at his feet, failing to notice her small smile. “Why aren’t you inside?”

“I walked to my friends' home, they live a couple halls away.” She looked at him nervously. “Do you want to come up to my room? My roommate went home for the weekend. I have a really cool Greece and Rome translation book you may like.” 

“That sounds like fun.” She walked over to Artemis and gently grabbed his hand, leading him inside the building. 

Your love is scaring me

No one has ever cared for me

As much as you do, ooh

Yeah, I need you here

Your love is scaring me

No one has ever cared for me

As much as you do, ooh

Yeah, I need you here

Her room was nice and orderly except for her desk. She had at least twenty books stacked on the desk, papers filled with notes, and old quizzes. He looked over and saw the last paper they had gotten back from political sociology. 

“You got a 99 out of 100?” He asked, he knew she was good at the class, but he hadn’t realized that she was probably the top student in the class. Even with his paper, he got a 95, but he credited most of that to the fact he didn’t grow up around American politics as she had. He looked over at her, her face was flushed red and she looked embarrassed. 

“Yeah, I put that paper through the wringer. I got a 98 on the first one. My goal is to get a 100 on the last one, but I may have bitten off more than I can chew with my topic. What are you writing about?” 

“Political Polarization found in non-fiction books unrelated to politics. What about you?” She smiled widely.

“Conspiracy theories and political polarization. Lord knows how many crazy videos I’ve had to watch for the paper.” They both laughed. “So, I’m a pretty straightforward person, so hopefully this doesn’t freak you out, but I really like you. I think you’re smart and funny and I would be so mad at myself if I didn’t tell you that before the end of the semester.”

 If we fall apart

Maybe it wasn't meant to be

If we fall apart

Then it was our favorite dream

Ooh, ooh, yeah

“I like you too.” He whispered he could barely believe this was happening. But she was standing in front of him with an unreal smile. He couldn’t help but smile back. “This may be the vodka talking, but do you want to make-” She gave him no chance to finish as she pressed her lips against his. 

Without breaking away they both made it towards her bed, well he assumed it was her bed because she led him to it. Breaking away she jumped up on the twin-sized bed and shyly smiled at him. 

“Lowkey, I have liked you since the beginning of the semester. Do you want to make out and cuddle? It’s kind of late to walk back. Don’t you live across campus? You’ve also been drinking so it’s unsafe anyway to walk back alone and if I walk you back then you’d have to walk me back and it would just be an endless cycle.” She talked so fast Artemis thought he was experiencing whiplash. He smiled and jumped up on the bed next to her. 

“Cuddles and making out sounds like a great plan.” He didn’t think it was possible, but her smile grew as she wrapped her arms around his neck. He placed one hand on her cheek and the other on her waist as they resumed kissing. 

Your love is therapy

No drug can give me clarity

As much as you do, ooh 

Yeah, I need you here 

Your love is scaring me 

No one has ever cared for me 

As much as you do, ooh 

Artemis woke up the next morning with a minor headache. He tried to move but realized something was on top of him, one of his arms, in particular, felt as if it was on pin and needles. He must have been in this position for a while for his arm to fall asleep. He looked down and saw (y/n).  

She had her head resting on his chest and one of her arms laying on his stomach. His arm that was asleep was pinned underneath her and his other arm was resting next to hers on his stomach. She looked so peaceful. Careful not to wake her, he brushed some of her hair out of her face and behind her ear. She hummed in contentment but didn’t seem to be awake just yet. Artemis could barely believe that all this happened in one night. 

Maybe going to parties with his friends wasn't always a waste of time. 

Yeah, I need you here

Ooh, I need you, babe

Yeah, yeah, I need you, baby

Yeah

I need you

[mistresseast]

hello! I saw your post about feeling unwell :( I'll be praying for your quick recovery. Please hydrate and keep your strength up. I don't want to be the bearer of bad news because I think you follow them and are friends? lokiarsene sort of vagued about not your work exactly but close to it /post/644598134933258240/ and /post/644598134933258240 No need to pub this I just wanted to give you a heads up. They are notoriously bad in fandom in general. We love you and stay safe ♥️

Thank you so much for the healing words. I will do my best to get better and keep those around me safe <3 

I know you said I didn’t need to publish but I wanted to respond to your kindness as well as say that I am aware of those posts. I am fairly certain that lokiarsene was indeed talking about me, as they have since unfollowed me from both that blog and a personal blog. If they let me, I’m going to continue to follow lokiarsene bc I truly appreciate their insight and their analysis has informed my personal interpretations as well as a lot of my writing (they probably wouldn’t like knowing that, though). As far as them being “notoriously bad” I was always under the impression that whatever reputation they gained was due to them simply not entertaining malicious or ignorant debate, which is actually something I’ve always admired about them. I think more fandom folks should just say “no” when confronted with bad faith actors and antis. I know they have a reputation for being prickly, but I there’s nothing wrong with running your blog the way you want, or, for that matter, approving of disapproving of certain content on a personal level. They’re perfectly within their rights to dislike my work and work like it, and to make posts about why they don’t like it on their own blog. In fact, I never initiated interaction with them despite being a fan bc I actually (correctly) predicted that some of my fics were exactly the kind of thing that bothered them about the shuake fandom. I just didn’t think it would be constructive for either of us, and since they said they don’t read fanfiction, I thought it would be fine if I kept quiet. So I was very pleasantly surprised when they actually claimed to be a fan of my work! I assumed that meant they were familiar with my content, including the less-wholesome stuff, and didn’t mind it. I was apparently wrong, however. And again, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and everyone is entitled to change their opinion upon discovery of new information. The only thing about the situation that sits poorly with me is the slight insinuation that I mispresented myself in some way. I haven’t published anything since my first interaction with lokiarsene, and I don’t think I’m out of line in my assumption that someone claiming to like my work to the point of mentioning me by name would have at least seen everything on my ao3. Of course, people overlook things, and I’m not about to blame lokiarsene for not doing their research or whatever, it’s fanfiction, who cares. But if the “showing their asshole” comment was about me (and I don’t know for sure) then that kind of makes it seem like I suddenly revealed my true colors after pretending to be chill when in reality I never tried to deceive anyone or lure anyone into liking me. But I don’t know if that was even what they meant, so I’m trying not to be upset by it. I know that it’s jarring to discover a creator you like doesn’t fit with your views, so in a way I am sorry that I didn’t follow my instinct and avoid interacting with them, because now my whole perception of a person I admired has been soured and I could have done something to prevent it. I don’t want this to seem like drama or anything, and under NO circumstances is anyone encouraged to contact this person in any way, but I guess I wanted to take this opportunity to...idk, defend myself? I’m not being attacked, but I do feel a tiny bit personally unsettled by the matter and I’m not normally one to bring this stuff up. So maybe it’s therapy in a way lol. And I wanted to make it clear that there’s no hard feelings on my end. So thank you for the heads-up, it’s nice to know someone is looking out for me, but everything is fine!

[locktobre]

Could you expand on your idea of Emily Willows seeing/communicating with ghosts? (sorry for asking so many questions hdhfhhdhf I really like Barbie, especially PCS)

Oh boy, that’s a doozy... I honestly don’t feel like I have very much, as I haven’t had the idea for very long, but I’ll talk about what I do have! (I guess I came up with it last year, but for me, that isn’t really a long time.)

I’ve mentioned before, but I debated for a long time about even bringing Reginald and Isabella back, bc it has a lot of implications about life and death in the barbieverse. I’m currently operating on the assumption that while ghosts can exist, as souls trapped here on the mortal plane, if they ever cross over to the great beyond--that’s it. They’re gone, for good, and can’t ever be brought back.

Now, that goes against Marie’s appearance in Christmas Carol (which I used to justify having ghosts in the first place), since she clearly wasn’t hanging around that whole time... But as I mentioned the other day, Eden is actually a lynchpin in my barbieverse (the Brilliant Echo timeline, specifically). The universe would unravel if she ended up in that bad future, so an exception had to be made for Marie to come back. It was a one-time-only deal, and not something that can be done by just anyone. Certainly not Emily, in any case. (I’m still debating on who facilitated the Marie visit, as it could be one of two ppl. It might end up being both of them working together. But that’s way down the road.)

Anyway, I joked the other day about the possibility of Emily seeing more ghosts, but honestly, I don’t think I’ll end up doing that. Having ghosts at all feels like it raises a lot of questions, and I don’t really want to open those cans of worms, so setting very rigid rules about it seems to be the best compromise. And even aside from that, I don’t think a lot of ppl would even become ghosts in the first place; I really do like the classic rules of sudden/violent deaths and/or unfinished business being the reason they stick around. So she’ll most likely only ever see Reginald and Isabella, and her power will probably never expand in any way. I could change my mind later, but right now, that’s what I’m thinking.

And also, just like... seeing the two ghosts is more than enough drama, honestly.

The way I envision Isabella is very specific, but basically, she struggled a lot with paranoia and she’s very guarded. It got worse after she died, due to her being convinced she was murdered, but she had actually made some progress due to going to a therapist for the majority of her death. (Yes, I send a ghost to therapy. Yes, her therapist knows she is dead.) She managed to get to a place of... not really no paranoia, but much less. And then, she finds out that she was, in fact murdered, so suddenly all of her fear feels VERY justified, and that’s a huge setback. So her 18 years of trying to deal not only with her anxiety but her grief over the death of her child suddenly feels like it was all for nothing. She was murdered and her baby is alive and she missed her daughter’s entire childhood.

On Reginald’s side, he had always tried to support Isabella as best he could, but the one thing he was adamant on was that his sister would not murder them. Like, she’s mean, sure, but murder? That’s a step too far. Especially after seeing her with students, he knows that she can be cruel, but killing her own brother and his family? Her queen? She wouldn’t! She couldn’t! And then he finds out that she did, so not only does he feel duped for believing that she wasn’t capable of it, he feels guilty for not being on Isabella’s side all those years. Isabella doesn’t exactly hold it against him that he didn’t believe her, since she’s well aware--especially after therapy--that her fears were not always rational, but it is kind of an ‘I told you so’ moment that neither of them ever wanted to be true. And obviously, he’d grieved for Sophia, too.

On the side of the living, Sophia is thrust into a role she never wanted and now has a million responsibilities she wasn’t prepared for, and she’s got to deal with all of the princess stuff while also having to deal with the re-opened investigation into her parents’ murders and Dame Devin’s subsequent trial. Her life isn’t her own anymore, it belongs to everyone else. And she doesn’t even know how to feel about Reginald and Isabella. And she especially doesn’t know how to deal with everyone comparing her to Isabella, her appearance, her mannerisms--is anything really her? Is this what it’s going to be like for the rest of her life, being compared to her dead birth mother that she doesn’t even remember? How is she supposed to deal with that?

So when Emily first stumbles across Reginald and Isabella, they’re still reeling. They desperately want to reach out to Sophia, of course, but they know that they’re really in no position to talk to her right away, nor is she ready to see them. Or even if they should reach out to her--would it help her to know that her parents aren’t really gone? Or would they only be serving themselves?

And there’s also the question of if Sophia is the only one they should talk to. Should Reginald tell Delancy that she still does have one family member left who’s good and believes in her capacity to change, that he knows she doesn’t have to become her mother? Should Isabella speak to her father and half-sisters, and tell them that she’s wanted to reach out to them for 18 years? The more ppl that know a secret, the greater the chance that it will get out--altho, in this case, probably no one will want to broadcast the fact that they’ve spoken to a ghost, but still.

And kind of in the middle of this is Emily, who’s 13 and in no position to be moderating this kind of discussion. She wants everyone to be able to talk to each other, for the family to be reunited, but she understands that it’s a multi-sided thing. She offers up the compromise of acting as a mouthpiece, if they don’t want to talk to anyone directly (since ghosts can manifest themselves at will, if they wish; Emily’s special bc she can see them in their state of rest), but even that doesn’t do much good. As far as anyone else knows, she’s obviously never met Reginald and Isabella, so she can’t exactly say with authority that they would be proud of Sophia, or that Isabella misses her father, or anything like that. It would just sound like a platitude.

I don’t even know what side I’m going to come down on, tbh. It’s such a multi-layered discussion, especially with Isabella and her father--he’s already grieved for her, so is it fair to tell him she isn’t (quite) dead? She now knows, firsthand, what it’s like to grieve a child and then to suddenly find out that child is alive and that she’s missed so much--and she would be putting her father in that same position. Is it selfish? Or is it more selfish to never reveal herself, especially with the way that she died angry at him, since he carries that guilt around, even if she ended up moving past it (in therapy). I may end up compromising on that front, and have Isabella write a journal or a letter, something that Emily can “discover” in the palace and pass on to Isabella’s father. Maybe.

As for Sophia... It’s trickier, but I’m leaning toward her finding out. Maybe not for awhile, it might take years, but I think they would eventually tell her. She might be the only one, tho... But then, at some point, does Nicholas need to know? Especially after they’re married, is it a secret that still needs to be kept from him? And, again, I don’t think there’s a single good answer, bc it’s just... such a weird quandary to find oneself in. There’s pros and cons to every side.

So... That’s where I am with Emily and ghosts, right now. And that’s why I feel like just the two is enough, bc it just dominoes out so quickly and becomes a LOT of emotional turmoil and moral dilemmas. As such, Emily will also end up seeing a therapist at some point, for sure, but all things considered, I think she’ll end up being remarkably well-adjusted lol.

[lynndoublelegacy]

just a cool dnd meme i saw

Yook so it’s less a meme and more like. a big ol questionare but hey, might as well do it. originally saw it on @/probablyottrpgideas, go check them out

1. Game Master, Player, or both? Why?

Ok so technically I’ve DMed twice but I really don’t find it fun? and don’t ever want to do it again. so. Player. I like building characters and their connections with fellow PCs more than building worlds

2. When did you start roleplaying? How old were you?

oh god, if we’re talking about roleplaying in general? I’ve been doing it basically as long as I can remember. As a kid I would play House, and then once I got older in like 5th grade I actually started making characters and playing out their stories with friends. Google+ is what made me realize this was actually like, a THING, though, and I got into some roleplaying groups there, then on DevaintArt. Dungeons and Dragons is a newer development? I got into it in late 2018 when my sister’s friend invited us to a one-shot, and... well, yea, I got hooked lol

3. What was the first roleplaying book you ever owned?

dude, bold of you to assume I really own any. I don’t have that kind of money and literally only own the Guide to Wildemount, and that was a gift

4. Describe the first game you ever ran or played in.

I mean... it’s not a game but ima describe the one shot, bc my first campaign was a hot mess without a true storyline and I used the same character for it anyway. I played a tiefling bard called Aisling Kai (I didn’t know this was a cliche combo at this point, and I honestly played her like a rogue with a music motif but Whatever) and we were a little group tasked to figure out why the hell anyone who goes into this cave never comes out. So we go in, make our way through the dungeon, fight some frog people (I made one of their ears bleed just by getting a nat 20 on a performance check to play a high f# on flute, that was fun, FWEET), and turns out yep, theres a hill giant down here. We kicked his ass and collapsed the cave on top of us (dw I think we were fine but my memory is a little screwy)

5. What system did you grow up with? / 6. Which system do you play now?

i learned on and currently play dnd 5e. I don’t really know anything else, but I’m debating checking out Vampire of the Masquerade.

7. Longest campaign you’ve run or played in?

That would be my Tal’Dorei campaign group, aka The Fatefallen! Started in the Fall of 2019 and still going to this day, just played our 45th session last week. I play Ilia Liadon, the drow grave cleric, and the only member of our party who has been there for every single session since the beginning.

8. Where did you meet your current gaming group?

...well first I feel the need to mention that I have 3 different groups (2 of them are on hiatus now for pandemic related reasons but! we’re still groups). My first group (with Aisling) was formed slowly over time as friends adopted friends into the group, I think it started as a school club? but that didn’t last long. The other two started from a different school club as well, though one has since branched out into other people as well. 

9. Strategic combat or dramatic plotlines?

I am a roleplayer first and a gamer second. Give me all of the backstories and dramatic plotlines. Don’t get me wrong, I still like combat, but story takes precedent for me.

10. Favorite RPG genre?

I don’t tend to define myself by genre? But I tend to fall into more of a fantasy, at most arcanapunk style. Give me all of the magic, and magic powered tech.

11. Your first character.

I got into her a little bit earlier, but my first character was Aisling, aka Calypso Kai. She was a homebrew subclass bard with a criminal background, who honestly? should’ve been a rogue. I’ve since rebuilt her into an Assassin Rogue/College of Eloguence Bard multiclasser, but this iteration was like. Baby her, baby me new to dnd, I did not know what I was doing. She tried to be edgy, but my mom energy came through HARD and she just. Never really had a set characterization. She deserves better and I plan on playing her better sometime in the future.

12. Your favorite character.

You are making me choose between my children. BUT, if I had to pick, either Ilia Liadon, or! Ashe Wednesday, a protector aasimar drunken master monk and my profile picture. Ashe also deserved a lot better from their campaign, so I have a massive soft spot for them, they were made during a really tough time in my life (as was Ilia) and was going through an equally rough time in-game, since I made them for a Curse of Strahd campaign without understanding what I was getting into. They’re my little rebellious asshole and I love them dearly, someone get this kid therapy. Ilia, on the other hand, is just... she’s a comfort character for me at this point. mostly soft edges, such a mom- while Ashe was me yelling “come at me” at the world while crying, Ilia was just... embracing it. Making it better. basically, if they actually existed, I would die for both of them.

13. Your most ridiculous character.

I don’t usually play super ridiculous characters, but! I would say Keothi “Bookfinder” Vaimeil counts. She was basically me looking all of the goliath barbarian stereotypes in the eye, and going “nah. she’s a nerd.” She’s literally a massive puppy dog, just the sweetest big old thing, sitting in her house and reading all the books she can get her hands on in order to make up for her amnesia. Oh, and did I mention that she’s a zombie? ...yea. She’s wacky, but I love her.

14. The best in-character line you’ve ever had.

“I need sleep. I don’t even sleep and I need sleep.”

~Ilia, after a particularly tough fight and an emotionally draining day

15. Your most epic death.

Ok so... none of my characters in game have ever actually died during the storyline? Keothi obviously has in her backstory, and Ilia might have in hers as well, it was never explicitly stated, but during the game? Nope. Ashe got stupid close, but nope. Since Keothi is my only death period, and her death was pretty epic, I’m just gonna describe that. Her parents and siblings in her Goliath tribe had all fallen ill, so she decided to go searching for a possible cure, and ended up getting conned into helping this cult, since they said they would cure her family. Turns out, yea, they were lying, they just needed a goliath willing to sacrifice themselves with a cursed sword. They made the mistake of revealing this before Keothi was actually dead, so as she was dying, she brought the entire goddamn cultist temple down to the bottom of the sea and took the cultists with her. The sword was why she was undead, in the Shadowfell, and couldn’t remember anything.

16. Your most disappointing death. 

As mentioned, I’ve never died in campaign, but I feel like I have to mention this one that happened to our party in Curse of Strahd. We were in the death house, all 5 of us, still level 1, and our barbarian falls into a pit trap with spikes. None of us realize she’s actually dead, so we send out paladin down to get her... with the monk, the bard, and the warlock holding the rope. ....yea both of them died.

17. Something that shouldn’t have worked, but it did.

I’m stuck between two options for this one. First one was the time our water genasi paladin/rogue bloodbended our gnome cleric into a bridge to keep her from falling all the way down a ravine. The second time was when our party managed to defend a small seaside town from a pirate raid with just an NPC with Control Water, a ballista, ourselves, and some explosives. Neither should’ve worked, but both did. Having a triton in your party can really come in clutch in a seaside campaign.

18. Something that went hilariously awry.

I have one that’s hilarious and one that’s horrifying. Hilarious one: in my first ever campaign, someone from Aisling’s backstory popped up and our sorcerer went “that’s shady” (to be fair, he was) and then went to investigate BY HIMSELF. He obviously got kidnapped by the mafia, and then we went all stealth mission to break him out. Stealth was immediately abandoned after our other bard used a SCREAMING SWORD to break open the locks, then we proceeded to go out the way we came, setting everything on fire on the way out, and with our bard lying their way out the front door (with the rest of us in tow as “prisoners”) by pretending to be a fellow mafia member. It was great. Horrifying one: Ilia tries to Send to a member of the party who left in order to let him know that a fellow party member had died. Forgot that he left bc his mind was invaded by a previously dead, very evil old god, and ends up trapped there with him for a while. Ended up with all of our main spellcasters trapped in their own heads while the barbarian paced around worriedly and the rogue decided he was going to get smashed instead of worrying himself silly.

19. Your most memorable in-character moment.

There are a LOT in Ilia’s campaign, but! If I had to pick one, it would actually be a pretty recent one involving Ilia and our party’s wizard, Liara. They’re basically the embodiment of head vs heart? Anyway, Liara is currently suffering from something called magic corruption, though idk if suffering is the right word. Anyway! It basically resulted in her getting... possessed? by her own magic during the night during Ilia’s watch, and they had a really, really interesting conversation regarding guilt, death, and grief, and yea basically I love them. Honorable mention to our druid’s death (he’s back and better now, but that was my first long-time death in a game, we didn’t know he was coming back) and also the moment that Ilia realized that her childhood bff/crush had been revived in a new body and that this NPC was her best friend. That was a trip.

20. The coolest item you ever got and how you came to possess it.

I got this item in the revamp of my first ever campaign and nothing has topped it since which is Sad but hey. Anyway! I got this really cool, possibly cursed dagger after I threw a knife at an absolutely eldritch being and it got stuck in him as he transformed. It looked really badass, and allowed me to cast Inflict Wounds on occasion when I stabbed someone with it. So yea, we love that. Honorable mention to my paladin/bloodhunter’s Helm of the Aberrant Gladiator which allows you to basically do a bunch of fear based affects and psychic stuff.

Numbers 21 through 30 don’t apply to me but. yea. enjoy this summary of my dnd history I guess

[cravingcrazewriting]

youwillbefound.org

Trigger Warning- Mentions of suicide attempt and suicidal thoughts.

youwillbefound.com is a safe haven for any troubled teens/young adults who are looking for someone to find them. This site intends on being a place to reach out to others and to find them as you wold want yourself. Harassment is strictly prohibited. If we find you are abusing this site to target and harass people who are suicidal then you will be banned firstly for a week, secondly for a month, and thirdly will be a permanent ban and removal of your account. We hope you find whatever you're looking for on youwillbefound.com and we wish you the best of luck! Have a fantastic day!

What was Evan doing?

It wasn't like him to get a social media. It wasn't like him to rely so much on people, but yet he did, for no reason whatsoever. He did meet someone who he could trust, and needed help as much as he did. It was nice. He only had a few other friends who friended him out of pity.

He was currently on his laptop, writing his therapy letter, when he heard his phone go off.

HighandAllMighty: hey dude, wuts up?

Evan made a smile. High, that's what Evan nicknamed him due to privacy issues, was one of his closest friends, he'd even call him a best friend. High suffered from Anxiety and Bipolar, and had a very hard time making friends due to all of his outbursts. On the internet, he was able to calm himself down and not act rashly, but sometimes would assume the worst and snap at Evan a few times, but when that did happen, he'd awake to multiple apologizes from High.

High admitted to smoking openly, from cigarettes to weed, mainly because the way it calmed him down and less likely to snap at people. Evan didn't really mind this, since High's parents didn't get him any medication to him. If it helped, then that was that.

AnAnxiousTeen: Nothing much, just sitting in bed. I might write my therapy letter soon. What about you?

HighandAllMighty: sweet. Honestly I'm just dazing in and out atm. Me and my family just ate and my dad is trying to start shit again. HighandAllMighty: so the usual bs

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm so sorry.. I wish I could help you.

HighandAllMighty: Nah, don't be. U should probably start your letter.

AnAnxiousTeen: Well you know I hate writing them so I'd rather not heh

HighandAllMighty: hey, can I ask u something kinda important?

AnAnxiousTeen: Sure! Ask away!

HighandAllMighty: can we FaceTime? HighandAllMighty: I know u might not want to bc of ur anxiety HighandAllMighty: it was just something I wanted to try, if you wanted to at least

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm.. not sure.. I need time to think this over. AnAnxiousTeen: My mom is still home, so I can't right now.

HighandAllMighty: I understand. It's ok

Evan was trying not to freak out.

He was scared. He was scared he'd disappoint High. Incredibly scared of the mental image he imaged him looking like and being a huge let down and not being able to say anything and make things ten times worse than what they are and-

"Honey! I'm heading out! There's a twenty on the counter! Please get something to eat while I'm gone! Love you, bye!" Heidi called from downstairs, pulling Evan out of his thoughts. A moment later a door closing could be heard.

Evan sighed and ran his fingers through his messy blonde hair. There was another complication; he had completely fallen for High, one hundred percent in love.

HighandAllMighty: ah man, I'm rlly srry. My dad is gonna take my phone. HighandAllMighty: we'll talk later, k?

AnAnxiousTeen: I understand. I'll see you when you get back!

HighandAllMighty: in one week. Bye bud

Evan laid down on his bed. A whole week?! This obviously wasn't the first time it happened, but would that stop him from missing him? No. Definitely not. It'd be a lonely week without him.

This would be a long week

~~~ It was only Tuesday.

High had his phone taken on Saturday, so they were completely out of touch for tree days straight so far, and Evan was miserable and lonely.

Evan was sitting in his room, unenthusiastically working on homework. He was sinking into a depressive state. He'd never admit to it, but there was something wrong, that he just wasn't happy. He let out a sigh, setting his pencil down and grabbing his phone. The only notifications he had was some posts from people he liked, and a text from Jared.

Jared K: U have math done?

Evan H: -Evan H has sent a picture-

Jared K: thanks

Well, that made Evan feel even more like shit. It made him feel like Jared would only miss him for his car insurance if he suddenly disappeared. Hell, his mom would have it easier if he was gone. And High.. he was just a burden to him. Fuck it, he needed to vent.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: I'm always being told that things will get better, that I'll find someway to deal with my social anxiety, but nothing is seeming to be working. No one would notice if I suddenly left, if this account was suddenly shut down, maybe except for @HighandAllMighty but if I'm being honest, I'd be doing him a favor. I wish that things were different. I wish that anything I said mattered to anyone. Because let's face it. Would anyone here notice if I disappeared tomorrow?

After posting his update, he got a handful of responses, that mainly said stuff among the lines of "I'd notice! Please don't do anything rash!". It didn't feel real to Evan. He knew how this stuff worked. After a week of his death, people would forget him. All he could think of was how thankful his anxiety held him back from another attempt.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: If a tree falls in a forest, and no one is around to hear it, does it ever make a sound?

There was a lot of debate about this one. No one saw the hidden subtext, that he fell-no, let go of the branch that was holding him and was now restrained to a cast. It made his stomach do a cartwheel at the thought.

AnAnxiousTeen has posted a status update: Sorry for all the depressing stuff tonight. I'm going offline to hit the hay early.

Well, that wasn't a total lie. He had homework to do first, then he'd probably lay in bed till sleep took him away.

And that's exactly what he did.

~~~ HighandAllMighty: why didn't you tell me how you were feeling?

High was back, early, and Evan was downright terrified.

Unlike before, he used almost perfect spelling and grammar, something he'd only do in serious situations. Evan hated confrontation, so so much.

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm sorry.. I didn't want to be a burden...

HighandAllMighty: you could never burden me with your problems. HighandAllMighty: we have to look out for each other, otherwise we'll loose us both. HighandAllMighty: I want to video chat with you. I want to see /you/. Let me help you. Please

Evan didn't really think when he answered. He didn't consider what his anxiety was telling him. He just had to make it up to High, especially with what he just put him through.

AnAnxiousTeen: Of course, just give me a few minutes to set up.

HighandAllMighty: thank you. I mean it

Evan let out a puff of air and set his phone down. His mom was home but sleeping, so he'd have to be quiet and not talk to loud, which wasn't a problem because he's.. him. He grabbed a set of dark blue headphones (he preferred them because they felt more comfortable on his ear) and plugged them into his phone. He made sure they worked okay and sent High a message.

AnAnxiousTeen: I'm ready. Can you send the request?

-HighandAllMighty has sent you a Face Time Request!-

-x Accept x or x Decline x-

Evan hesitantly hit the accept key and sat down on his bed, tidying up his shirt and hair while it loaded. Things'll be fine. They'll be perfectly okay. Just stay completely calm, don't fuck anything up, and your guys' friendship will be saved.

A minute later, the Face Time had finished loading, and on Evan's screen he was greeted to a pale skinned boy with long brown hair that went down to his shoulders, his eyes were blue but they had this brown glint to them that really made them stand out and made them so much more mesmerizing. He was wearing a simple black hoodie and the rest of his outfit Evan couldn't see.

The room Evan assumed was High's was messy, to say the least. Evan never understood how people could find what they needed in a mess. That's why he kept everything organized and clean, so if he needed to find anything, he could right away. It was an anxiety thing he couldn't get over. Evan also noticed the contrast of dark colors in High's room, that was mainly dark purple and black for the most part. Evan knew High enjoyed dark colors rather than light ones it made sense to why his room was painted that way.

Holy fuck was he hot or what?

"Um, hi! C-can you hear me o-okay?" Evan asked nervously, adjusting his headphones ever so slightly. He could hear some shuffling around so he took that as a good sign.

"Yeah, you're good. What about me on your end?" High asked, leaning back.

"Yo-you're good too," Evan nodded, confirming that he could hear him quite well. "Why did you w-want to call?"

"Well one, I wanted to see what you looked like, and two, I need to ask you a few other things, and this is the best way to see if you're lying or not," he simply said, shrugging his shoulders.

"O-okay, ask a-away," Evan smiled, shuffling slightly on his bed to get comfortable, waiting for whatever High was about to ask.

High inhaled, staying silent for a moment, before asking, "..Are you suicidal?"

Evan immediately tensed up. He hadn't put much thought into being depressed or suicidal, although he had those thoughts a lot he couldn't possibly be.. right? "I.. I don't know, a-actually... It could be a p-possibility, I do get suicidal thoughts and... a lot of self h-hate..."

High nodded slowly, picking at what appeared to be black nail polish. "Well, have you ever... attempted?"

Evan bit his lip, and he turned his gaze to his cast, although it wasn't planned, it still counted as one. He simply nodded his head. "It's.. s-scary..."

High let out a sigh. "I know the feeling all too well.. Just, wanting it all to end, but yet your anxiety is telling you not to, and you get so afraid.. I dunno, it's a reminder that you're still human I guess, attempting or not.."

"Honestly, it's m-my anxiety holding me b-back from trying a-again.. I'm scared I-I'll fail again.." Evan chuckled meekly, picking at his cast's plaster.

"Well, I'm glad," High smiled at him. "You don't know how much better you've made my life. I.. probably would've attempted again if I didn't know you.."

"Same with m-me. I'm.. so, so a-alone at school, I don't have any f-friends, and I was-well, still kinda- miserable. But, when we started t-talking, I didn't feel as alone a-anymore.." Evan admitted, blushing lightly.

"I wish I could meet you," High admitted. "I can tell no one's signed your cast still, and I really wanna fucking sign it. I.. I want to be by your side... Helping you order food, keeping you company, hell, I even know a few places down here you'd fucking adore and I know it.."

Evan smiled like a complete dork at these things. "That's s-so sweet.. You probably w-wouldn't like to meet me though.. I-I'd be so awkward.."

"Hey, don't put yourself down like that. I prefer awkward over cocky assholes any day," High said. "And like, not to mention you're a fucking amazing guy. Any girl would- fuck how do I phrase this?- well, she'd be pretty lucky to be with a guy like you," High told him, a noticeable blush appearing on his cheeks.

Evan blushed probably more than what he should've, but he couldn't help it. No one except his mom had said this type of stuff to him. "Honestly, t-thank you.."

"Okay, secondly, I need to tell you something really important. I hope it won't weird you out or anything but here it goes.. I really, really like you- and I don't mean that in the friendly way, I mean like- fuck this is harder to explain than I thought. Look.. I'm, head over heels in love with you, man.." High finished.

Evan was in pure shock. He had his hand on his mouth and felt like he could've cried. All that his mind could register was he liked him back. Holy fuck, he never thought he'd see the day his feelings would be returned. He could process words, he moved his hand away from his mouth, revealing a huge smile he was wearing and said hand anxiously ran through his hair.

"Holy f-fuck.. I.. I didn't think you'd l-like me back, so I never said anything.. Oh my god, t-this is incredible!" Evan admitted, watching the brunette's shocked expression turn into a smile.

"Holy shit, you actually like me?" High asked, and Evan nodded to him, he'd proudly admit to it, because now he had nothing else to loose.

"Does this mean we're like.. a thing or..?" High trailed off, and Evan laughed, saying, "Maybe! I t-think We should try."

High smiled at him, "I'd love to date you.. even if it's long distance.."

"Can I a-ask you something?" Evan smiled sheepishly, tugging lightly at his shirt while High responded with a "You can ask me anything you want to."

"What-what's your a-actual name?" Evan asked slowly, as stated earlier, they both kept their names a secret for privacy, but Evan was too curious to contain himself from keeping the question residing in his mind.

"It's Connor. What about you?" High- no, Connor returned his question, gazing at him with a loving gaze.

"I l-like to go by Evan.." Evan hoped that would satisfy him, because who'd want to date a guy with a name like Mark? No one, that's for sure.

"It suits you," Connor stated. "A wonderful name for a wonderful boy."

Evan flushed at his comment. "Well er- it's n-not as beautiful as 'Connor'. It, it fits you, so so well.."

"Are you calling me beautiful?" Connor teased him, and Evan just laughed.

The two ended up chatting for an entire two hours, enjoying whatever they could get out of each other's presence. They were both hopelessly in love, despite distance keeping them apart, they hoped they would one day meet in person.

That would be more than enough for them both.

A/N-I fucking love this AU so much?? I loved writing every second of it,and going over 2000 words better prove it.

Anyways I'm opening up requests! I don't have a lot of ideas so please request so I can keep updating this book! Thanks a ton!

[jessethejoyful]

another bit

Hey look another chapter! This time we focus on miss Agatha and her history with Simon and Penny bc I love them

Ao3 link cause I'm on my phone - https://archiveofourown.org/works/15488646/chapters/36482463

word count: 2027

AGATHA

My parents didn’t explain anything to me until the day Simon came to stay.

We were in Grade Four together, but he’d completely disappeared from class for a whole week. Teacher hadn’t said much about his sudden absence (“Simon will not be with us for a little while; he’ll be back soon.”), so I just sort of… accepted it. So did everyone else, for the most part.

Some of the other kids liked to make fun of Simon, because we were ten years old and he could barely speak in full sentences. The most common nasty rumor was that the school had finally realized Simon was too stupid to be there and kicked him out.

I smacked one of the girls who said that.

But one afternoon, a week later, my mother came to talk to me as I was getting home from school. Helen, my nanny, had gone to make me a snack while I changed out of my uniform, and Mum came into my room and sat on my bed.

“Come sit, darling,” she had said, patting the spot beside her on my sheets. “I want to talk to you about something.” I did as she told me, hopping up beside her and leaning my head against her shoulder.

She took my hand. “You know your friend Simon, from school?”

I frowned up at her. “Yeah. I miss him, when is he coming back? Do you know?”

There was a pause, before my mother said, “Well, I do, actually. We’ve been going through some paperwork with his social worker… and he’s going to be staying with us.”

I remember I didn’t understand. “Until he can go home?”

My mother sighed. “Simon doesn’t really… have a home anymore. I don’t know how much he’s told you, Agatha, but his mother died when he was born. And now his father…” She rubbed her face, looking perturbed. “He went a bit mad and tried to hurt Simon. So the system took Simon away from his father, to keep him safe. Does that make sense?” I nodded, but I still wasn’t sure about the situation. “So Simon is going to be living here with us, now. He’ll be apart of our family. Like a brother.”

This was where it clicked. I still didn’t know how to react, though, so I just nodded again. She smoothed my blonde hair back from my face and smiled sadly. “Don’t worry too much, darling. Just think of it like an extended play date. Having siblings is wonderful, you’ll see.” Another nod, and my mother kissed my forehead. “Go ahead and change. Simon will be here this evening.” She got up and left, closing the door softly behind her.

While I changed, my mind was whirling. I was too young to really understand, I think. It took me several years to uncover the full truth of it; that David had tried to kill Simon, and had been abusing him for years before that. Simon didn’t tell me until a few years after he started living with us, which was fully understandable. That was also the reason Simon had always been so quiet at school; he’d grown afraid of speaking, because his father would hit him if he mumbled or muttered, so he chose not to speak at all.

At the beginning, having Simon living with us was difficult. He was like an injured cat, prone to lashing out, but also keeping to himself a lot. I remember keeping my own distance for a long time, talking to him when we were with my parents but starting to avoid him anywhere else, and especially at school. It had gotten out to the other kids what had happened with his father - though not the full brunt of it - and they used that against him too. While before I had been quick to defend him, by that point I was afraid of being made fun of too.

So I left him to his own devices.

As it turned out, his own devices were punching anyone who tried to pick on him. Before we moved to Grade Five, he got into six different fights. And he never won; the kids would team up on him, because they knew he’d throw the first punch, three or four against one, and then claim it was self-defense after they’d kicked the shit out of him. He was small back then, skinny and knobbly, and he never had the upper hand.

At home, when my parents would gently scold him for the fighting, he would just sit and stare. He was so despondent around us. I don’t think he really knew what to do with himself. He was so sad, and afraid, and he knew that my parents had taken him in, but he couldn’t contain the mess that was going on inside of him.

It wasn’t until we got to Grade Six that I was ready to make amends. The guilt had been gnawing at me for two years, shame over abandoning my friend when he needed me most, but I had just been a kid too. Simon reminds me of that now and then, when the guilt rises up again.

We were a few weeks into term, and the fighting had been getting worse - my parents were at their wits’ ends on what to do with him, coming home with a broken nose every other week. He’d tried to bite the court-recommended counselor they sent him to, so that quickly stopped. But I saw him, one afternoon after class, cornered in the courtyard by a few bullies.

I could recognize by then how he looked before he was going to swing: shoulders hunched forward, fists clenched, chin drawn in to his chest. He’d grown half a foot over the summer, his torso had gained mass, and I knew this fight would be different. He might win, for once, but he’d be in far worse trouble.

I’d just started across the lot when one of the other kids actually threw the first punch. It was one of the bigger boys, a tosser named Danny, and I guess he figured he had the advantage with his two cronies there, but they were both weedy and small, like rats. So I raced over, screaming and shoving myself between Danny and Simon, who both stopped swinging when they noticed me.

“Oi, Agatha, what’re you defendin’ him for?” Danny snarled, taking a step back. “Simple Simon’s just gettin’ what he needs.”

“Eat a bag of dicks, Danny,” I spat back, using a phrase I’d heard an older kid say at the store a few weeks previously, even though I hadn’t really known what it meant. I jutted out my chin, daring him to hit a girl, and he seemed to actually debate it before falling back, hissing.

“Not worth it,” he growled, turning. “Guess freaks stick together.” He and his mates slumped off, while I turned to Simon, who’d gone quiet. He was looking at me like I was some sort of aberration, eyes wide. He was bleeding freely from his nose, and there was a cut on his cheek, unbidden tears streaming through the blood and mixing together. I pulled my handkerchief from my pocket and stepped up to him, dabbing at his face when he didn’t shy away.

“Why did you help me?” he asked in his muted voice. He wouldn’t meet my eyes.

I answered simply. “You’re my brother.”

From then on, things with Simon improved dramatically. We stuck together like glue, and the fighting stopped altogether. He was incredibly protective of me, and the others weren’t as willing as Danny to hit first. They’d still lob insults at both of us, spitting rude comments at us in the halls and on the grounds, but their words didn’t touch us when we had one another.

I started going to therapy sessions with Simon, with a nice lady named Dr. Ebb who had stuffed goats shoved in every nook and cranny of her office, and who always gave us biscuits. Simon didn’t say much to her at first, but with some urging from me, he slowly started to open up. And once he started talking, it was like he couldn’t stop. Things continued to improve.

When we got to our upper years, my parents sent us to a good boarding school together. This was where we met Penny, who wound up being my roommate, which was a real experience. She was brusque and unexpected, pointedly asking all sorts of insensitive questions that for some reason didn’t bother us, but endeared Simon and I to her instead. Because she wasn’t being mean; she was genuinely curious about us and our admittedly odd relationship (She asked if Simon and I were dating, which I took to mean that she had a crush on Simon - but then she asked me out, and I gently declined, and nothing changed between us. She was the first person I told that I was asexual).

The three of us became inseparable. Penny and I had a kind of unspoken agreement between us to take care of Simon, who was prone to falling apart at random times. The fighting did stop for a long time, but there was a point during our eleventh year that he cracked a bit.

While Simon had fixed a lot of his speaking problems, and was more or less normal, a person doesn't go through trauma like he did without some lingering wounds. Small, invisible ones. Like a wicked stammer when he was nervous, or when he came across a dead bird and went into fits. There was a group of boys that took notice, and took stock, and went out of their ways to set Simon off because they thought it was amusing.

The summer before that year, he’d had another growth spurt, rounding off at just over six feet and getting even broader in the shoulders - so when the boys came after him, even four on one, he ended up on top. Victorious, nose broken, cut by a switchblade, and covered in bruises, and booted into detention for several weeks. He started doing Skype sessions with Ebb. He grew quiet again.

Penny and I stuck by him through it all - me quietly supportive, Penny loud and angry about the boys getting away with just detentions, not even as long a sentence as Simon, because he'd won. She wanted to pummel them herself, but Simon and I both talked her out of that.

One of the best things about our school, though, was the programs it offered. It was a fairly prestigious school, so it had a lot of variety and specialization in its courses of study. Simon was able to explore his interest in art, and he found a lot of peace in drawing and eventually animating. And it was clear to everyone that he had a real talent for it, so my parents gave him everything he needed to pursue it, all through high school and into uni. Penny joined him, though she followed sculpting instead of drawing, and our room always smelled like clay.

Meanwhile, I was a little sad to watch them go off to classes without me. I'd tried drawing, but it became quickly obvious I had no clue what I was doing. Which was fine, I only really tried because I wanted to be with Simon and Penny. So instead, I followed my passion for science into the biology courses, and saw less of them during our junior and senior years. But they always made the effort to include me outside of class, and we spent a lot of time in mine and Penny’s room, them sketching and creating while I made flash cards and studied very hard.

I was ecstatic when we found that the university we all wanted to attend had a good veterinary program and art program. I didn't want to admit it, but I was terrified of going off completely alone to school, though I did end up getting my own apartment while they split one. I got a dog. Everything fell into place. 

[snapsnapmyturtleback-blog]

Headcannons for the Group Therapy fic thing cuz it was requested like twice that I continue this so. I might do a fic later, no promises.

This also includes stuff already mentioned in the fic ‘Group Therapy’ which I wrote :D

I know someone else made some headcannons that i kind of base some of these on ? but i read a lot of headcannons so i dont exactly know which are based and what theyre based on. Sorry.

-Eddie has social anxiety and is a huge germaphobe

-He and Stan bond over cleaning things and how neat things should be.

-Eddie is very nurturing and will disregard his germaphobia if it means he can comfort someone

-also very badass ??? Eddie will use all of his first aid kit for his friends and he’ll punch people in the face if they mess with them

-Eddie is the only one that Stan will touch him bc Stan knows that this kid washes his hands more than Richie makes crude jokes and he basically bathes in hand sanitizer so he’s the cleanest

-Eddie is so good at handling emotional episodes and panic attacks that the others go through ?

-Like he’s internally freaking tf out but in the outside he’s so cool and collected that it’s hard to feel threatened around him

-has like friend crushes on everyone ? Like he only wants to date Richie but he loves he others so much that he hates being apart from them

-Stan has OCD and is obsessed with the number three.

-He prefers Stan over Stanley because Stan Uris is three syllables.

-Everything in his room is sorted in three; pants, shorts, and underwear. Polos, button ups, and t shirts. Etc.

-Everything he does is in sets of three and he’s constantly bullied bc of the panic attacks he’ll get during class or when he helps the teacher clean up and ends up sort everything in the classroom into threes.

-Stan’s dad took him birdwatching in an attempt to get Stan out of the house but at the same time keep him in a calm environment and he loved it so much so now they regularly go birdwatching for exactly three hours

-Stan goes to school two hours early so he can arrive at six and he is allowed to leave three minutes before everyone else so he doesn’t have to come in contact with people

-for the first week of school, they forced Stan to try and be like everyone else and it didn’t work ??

-like he doesn’t know what they expected but he couldn’t do anything bc if he wasn’t having a panic attack, he was compulsively tapping his desk or the wall in threes in an attempt to calm himself down

-Stan wakes up at five thirty am every morning

-he goes to bed at nine pm

-it’s like fucking clockwork and if he’s even a minute off, he’ll be hella upset and no one wants to see Stan upset

-Mike has insomnia and stays awake for days on end.

-He survives purely on coffee from the coffee shop located down the street from the school where the rest of the losers go to

-he’s really good at hiding the bags under his eyes by keeping his head tilted forward so the bags look like shadows and no one looks close enough to tell the difference.

-if it gets bad, he uses make up to cover up the bags under his eyes

-he loves talking to people so much ? Especially kids his age bc he isn’t really exposed to anything back at the farm

-he was actually the only one who was really excited to do the group activity

-Bev and Richie were okay with it bc they knew they’d see each other but Mike was excited !!

-new people to meet and talk to ??? Hell yes !

-he and Ben hang out pretty regularly at the library to find history books and discuss them

-they’ve gotten into some pretty awesome debates that would end abruptly bc they’d get really heated and the two boys would start laughing bc they can’t take each other seriously

-Mike likes to draw and he does it mostly when he can’t sleep

-One time Richie had spilled some water on a picture that Mike was drawing and Mike didn’t talk to Richie for a week and a half

-Ben had to convince him that Richie didn’t mean it and that Richie was probably sorry

-of course Eddie made Richie apologize

-it wasn’t very sincere bc Richie + an apology is just a mess

-but Mike accepted it and forgave him nonetheless

-Bill has mild depression and can see and hear a clown (Pennywise) talk about his brother

-no one else can see this thing so Bill feels like he’s tripping balls 90% of the time

-he can see Georgie too which is why he’s so adamant about finding him alive bc he can’t be seeing Georgie’s dead ghost ?? That’s not allowed ??

-Bills stutter had gotten so much worse after Georgie’s disappearance and at this point he just doesn’t talk in public

-Bev steals money from her father for cigs and weed that she buys from Richie because he charges her a lot less then most of the dealers she’s encountered

-she has like three outfits that she wears but that’s it. Don’t even try to buy her clothes bc she just won’t accept it.

-she smokes her sadness and fear away. That’s how she copes and it’s really not a good habit but she doesn’t really care

-Beverly and Richie smoke up on the rooftops during gym class and sometimes whenever Richie needs a break during whatever class bc the boy gets very overwhelmed very easily ??

-Bev is the only person who can tell when he’s getting overwhelmed and since they had every class except for Spanish and geography, she’ll always pull him aside and go for a smoke whenever he looks tense.

-Beverly is such a fucking babe ? Like she does literally nothing and she’s so pretty ? But she hates compliments with a passion.

-only Richie can compliment her without getting slapped

-I’m living for the Bev and Richie friendship tbh they’re like siblings and will die for each other.

-one time Henry Bowers was hitting on Bev and wouldn’t leave her alone and Richie fucking decked him

-Richie left with a black eye, busted lip, some cuts, and some burn marks (curtsy to Patrick) but it was fucking worth it

-Bev is like 10/10 great at making deals. Patrick and her are actually acquaintances bc Bev gives him new lighters when his run out of fuel from terrorizing people and his weed goes missing all the time so she give him some of hers so he’ll leave her alone

-Ben is so fucking soft ?? I love him so much

-he is literally the embodiment of a book, flower, and warm aesthetic

-Ben cares about people so much ? Like he will fuss about his friends eating but then he will forget (or sometimes purposely) to eat

-he’ll be so into writing poetry for someone cough Bev cough that he’ll just not do his homework or remind himself to stay hydrated

-but what’s weird is that when he reads, he’ll be brought back down. Like the self image problems and the forgetfulness temporarily go away

-he’ll be reading a history book that he borrowed from Mike and suddenly he’ll remember that he hadn’t eaten all day and he’ll ask his mom for something to snack on as he reads

-or maybe he’ll be reading a book for school and then he’ll think “shit when was the last time I had some water ?”

-And he spends most of his free time in the library reading or writing so he knows the librarian personally and uses her first name

-he even has his own little place to go with a mini fridge so he has something to eat whenever it hits him that he needs to do shit to s u r v i v e

-Richie doesn’t even want to go to therapy but it’s helping him so he just deals with it

-Eddie and Bev being there is also a plus

-Richie is broke asf so he basically makes Bev pay for his sessions in exchange for weed

-He steals the weed from Patrick and whenever the school decides to have drug dogs come, he just slips that shit right back into Patrick’s locker

-Richie really likes Eddie ?? And he sees Stan as like a little brother that’s easy to annoy

-he’s indifferent towards Ben and Mike bc like he doesn’t interact with them very much but when he does, they’re okay

-Bill is a fifty fifty. Sometimes Richie respects him bc the dudes brother is dead and here he is getting help that’s pretty fucking cool but other times it’s like shit does this kid ever take less then ten minutes to say something ?? And who tf does he think he is telling Richie what he can and cannot say

-Richie has little to no sexual experience so everything he jokes about is purely based off of what he’s read online

-the little experience that Richie does have is making out with Bev while they’re high

-Richie is always the second to arrive (Stans first, he arrives three hours early) and he’s always the last to leave with Eddie.

-he does the same with school, even if he does skip a lot

-he’s really fucking smart tho so skipping class never fucks with his grades

-he tries to stay out for as long as possible bc the boy doesn’t like staying home alone or with his drunk mom

-he has some anger issues

-he and Bev have a thing where every night they go out and break shit

-he really cares about these idiots in his group therapy

-like he could get extremely annoyed with them sometimes but he will fight for them

-Stan was once trapped in a locker by the Bowers gang and Richie was the one who found him

-Stan was freaking out bc he was in an unsanitary locker and he was supposed to have left two hours ago

-Richie calmed him down and took him home

-now Stan allows both Richie and Eddie to touch him

-Stan is basically Reddie’s son at this point

-Richie steals everyone’s clothes all the time and he just walks into they’re house, except for Bev.

-Knocking is not a concept to this kid and it pisses everyone off

-Richie once walked in on Bev and Ben making out in Bens room. He simply smiled and said “wow the new kids on the block poster must be a real turn on for this sex fest, eh ?” and left

-Richie now has a burn mark on his collarbone from Bevs cigarette

-Richie has to take like three different medications and when they were trying to figure out the dosage, it was a rough couple of weeks

-basically these kids are all fucking messed but we love them anyways

[taocastleprincess]

inktober for writers - day 8 - impasse / eijiroctober - day 8 - w Kaminari Denki

A/N: Sero is 100000% the instigating friend who you hate to love but you totally do anyway bc they’re supernaturally charming and hella fun. enjoy my fave boy stirring up trouble in this kirikami drabble.... (also, can u believe that i went from having a slight distate for this ship to obsessing over it??? this is my 2nd kirikami-centric fic and im... crying? thank u for showing me the light, my fellow krkm shippers. bless!)

Sero leans back in his chair and puts his hands behind his head. His smile is childishly impish.

“I mean... I can come back later. Or we can do this another time.” He laughs, enjoying the scene of the two boys in front of him in the midst of an argument.

Kirishima whips his head, forgetting all about the blond across from him. “No, it’s already been settled. We’re not ordering from the burger place. We ate there three times this week!” The redhead turns back to the blond with a stern expression on his face. “We’re ordering sushi, Denki. That’s it.” He snatches a lone menu off the table and starts to leaf through it. “If you really insist on beef today, I’m sure you could find something to order from here. But we’re not eating at that burger place again. Everyone’s tired.”

Sero shrugs. He never really had order-out preferences. As long as the place that they ended up ordering from had salad, he was fine. And most places do offer salad, so he couldn’t be bothered to truly care. He was only concerned with the pre-order drama. Kaminari catches the minute movement and starts pointing towards him. “See? Sero doesn’t mind, he’s just gonna get salad anyway!” Sero nods wordlessly, goofy smile still in place. Kirishima rolls his eyes. “Let’s get burgers! I promise next movie night I won’t even get a say,” Kaminari begs, folding his hands together in pleading. Kirishima sighs tiredly. “You said that last time, babe. And the time before that. And—“

“The time before that too,” Sero finishes, laughing. The look that Denki shoots at him is lethal.

“Whose side are you even on?”

“The side of getting food. We do this every weekend. We’ve gotta make a system or something. This is why Blasty and Mina stopped coming.”

Denki wrinkles his nose is disagreement. “Bakugou stopped coming because he hates the idea of fun,” Sero thinks about this and shrugs. He means, yeah, it was probably actually that but still. “And Mina is.... busy.” Sero raises an eyebrow and smirks.

“Or she stopped coming because she, too, has grown tired of ‘Sushi vs Burger’ debates. It’s old. Let’s just do Indian.”

“No,” the other two reply in unison. “You just said you didn’t even have an opinion though,” Kaminari starts again. “So you can’t switch it up. No Indian. No sushi.” Before Kirishima can dissent again, Kaminari slinks towards him and wraps his arms around his torso. “Pleeease? It’s just one more night, Eiji, and you haven’t even tried everything on the menu.” Sero watches on in amusement. The blond’s argument was weak (who needs to eat at the same place four times in one week? And who cares if everything on the menu hasn’t been tasted yet? They don’t want it!) but the core of his winning strategy was not words...

Sero watches on as Kaminari’s gold colored eyes widen as big as saucers, irises expertly eliciting intense melancholy. Sero’s always impressed at this grand display, wondering how the transformation from ‘stubborn, brattish boyfriend’ to ‘pathetic child with only days left to live’ is made to look so easy. It’s almost like he has a second quirk! His lashes even play along, carefully accentuating the look, looking longer and more voluminous. Sero’s heart swells in admiration.

That’s his best friend. His partner in crime. He couldn’t have asked for a more inspiring friend. 

Scam on, buddy ol’ pal.

Kirishima looks conflicted. His cheeks burn pink, but he tries to maintain a look of sternness. “Denki, stop it,” Kirishima says, voice much too affectionate for a guy trying to put his foot down. Sero snickers into his hand. He’s losing. Like always. Kaminari doesn’t let up, eyes getting wider and drawing out more compassion by the second. Kirishima looks weak, face no longer molded into a look of defiance but, instead, resignation.

“Fine,” he pouts, his pink face clashing with the bold red of his hair. “Now, move. So we can order the same thing we get every time.”

The blond obeys happily, eyes back to normal and shooting Sero a conspiratorial look. The other boy laughs and extends his palm, wordlessly initiating a high-five. Kirishima looks on with an unreadable expression.

Sero turns to him and smiles, shaking his head. “You’re gonna have to shake it up sometime, dude. This is getting sadly predictable.”

Kaminari laughs while Sero gets up to stretch. “Now that that’s over, what’s the movie for tonight? We did a comedy last week, so I’m thinkin’ maybe a thriller tonight?”

Sero shrugs. “Didn’t Kirishima wanna do a Disney film?” Sero glances over at the boy in question. “Yo, which movie did you wa— What are you doing?” The redhead is sneaking off towards the bathroom, a sushi menu and cellphone in either hand. Kaminari gasps dramatically.

“You already said we could do burgers! You can’t go back!” The blond’s face is marred with an intense look of betrayal. “You don’t even know what I’d want from there!”

“You’re not hard to order for, babe. We’ve been dating for two years. I’d like to think that I know what you like by now.”

Kaminari scoffs. “No, you don’t. Come back so I can see my options.”

Kirishima shakes his head. “You’ll just pull the puppy-eyes out again.” The boy gives the other an unimpressed look. “We all took the same Villain Strategies course.”

Sero bursts into laughter as Kaminari places his hand over his heart in offense. “You think I’m a villain?”

“Low-level terrorist,” Kirishima corrects and Sero doubles over with tears in his eyes. Almost immediately, Kaminari begins to run at Kirishima. The other boy turns to continue running towards the bathroom. Sero barely has time to recover before he has to follow after the two of them, his stomach sore from laughter. The hallway echoes with the noise of shoes hitting the ground and the strained yelling of out-of-breath boys. Soon, Sero hears the slam of a door. After he rounds a corner, he finds Kaminari not too far away, breathing heavily and pushing up against the bathroom door in vain.

“He’s leaning up against it in his hardened form,” Kaminari explains without sparing a glance in his direction. His face is red and slick with sweat. Sero fights the urge to crumple into laughter. Before he can say anything, a muffled voice escapes from inside the bathroom. “Hello? Wasabi?... Yes! Are you guys delivering right now?” Sero bites his tongue to keep from laughing at the distressed face of the blond near him. “NO, BABE. DON’T DO THIS! COME OUT, LET’S TALK ABOUT IT!” Kaminari bangs on the door repeatedly, the noise echoing throughout the hallway.

From inside the bathroom, Kirishima continues speaking into the phone. “Huh? Oh, no, everything’s fine. That’s... some weird guy outside. Yeah, yeah, it’s cool. So, I’m gonna go ahead and order the seared sa—“

“I’m not just some weird guy! I’m the boyfriend! The boyfriend who DOES. NOT. WANT. SUSHI.”

Sero laughs, unable to control himself any longer. “So you’re the weird-guy boyfriend?”

Kaminari glares daggers. “Don’t you have something better to do?”

“Like what?”

“Like helping me.”

Sero shakes his head, grinning. “I told you two that I wouldn’t pick sides in an argument, like, ever. I think this qualifies.”

Kaminari’s eyes narrow. “You’re a snake, Sero Hanta.”

“Says the guy getting the bulk of his debate skills from Strategical Villainy 101.”

Just as Kaminari bucks up to respond, Kirishima wails defeatedly from inside the bathroom. “No, dude. Dude. It’s not even a serious argument. Like, I just happen to want this and he wants... He wants some other place. Look, it’s fine. We can go through with the—“

The redhead’s voice is cut off and the only thing that can be heard from the bathroom is the barely audible voice of the person on the other line. Sero raises his eyebrows in curiosity. “He’s FINE. He’ll eat anyth—“ Another pause. “What? Are you ser— Yes, he’s just being dramatic, we ate what he wanted three times this week.”

“Okay, but one of those times my order got messed up!”

“Babe, that doesn’t matter. We still ate there and... Ooh! And Lily-san agrees! It still counts!”

“Okay, well, you tell Lily-san about how you don’t even really eat there! You order fries and then you order out by yourself later!”

“That’s not relev— Wait, Lily-san, yeah, that’s what happens, but that’s still compromise.”

Sero’s amusement slowly tapers into casual indifference as the conversation continues on between Kirishima, Kaminari, and “Lily-san,” who he assumes is a nosy cashier with way too much time on her hands.

“So... Are we ordering food soon?”

“Uh, yeah, dude, but Lily is in the middle of a story right now, don’t be rude,” Kaminari whispers. The couple is now sitting beside each other in the hallway, prior argument completely forgotten, as they listen to Lily intently on speaker with Kirishima’s cellphone on the floor between them. Sero rolls his eyes, feeling slightly annoyed for the first time today. Instigating isn’t supposed to end like this. This is not what he signed up for. “Alright. Well, I’ll be back later, I guess. Maybe I’ll come back with Mina.”

“Uh-huh,” Kirishima replies distractedly. “Bye.”

Sero rolls his eyes again as he walks back around the corner and up the hallway again. He fishes his phone out of his pocket and starts typing. SEROtonin: @ALIEN_QUEEN @EXPLODOKILLINKING anyone wanna go 4 pizza ALIEN_QUEEN: @SEROtonin @EXPLODOKILLINKING omg yes im starving ALIEN_QUEEN: @SEROtonin @EXPLODOKILLINKING wait ur not w k+k? SEROtonin: @ALIEN_QUEEN @EXPLODOKILLINKING theyre havin a couples therapy session w Lily the Cashier ALIEN_QUEEN: @SEROtonin @EXPLODOKILLINKING ??? EXPLODOKILLINKING: @SEROtonin @ALIEN_QUEEN already here. hurry tf up b4 i decide 2 dip SEROtonin: @ALIEN_QUEEN @EXPLODOKILLINKING its a long story SEROtonin: @EXPLODOKILLINKING @ALIEN_QUEEN chill out we’re coming EXPLODOKILLINKING: @SEROtonin @ALIEN_QUEEN its a long story that ur gonna tell us as soon as u get ur asses here so HURRY TF UP ALIEN_QUEEN: @SEROtonin @EXPLODOKILLINKING i told u 2 stop having movie night w them!! me + blasty moved on to GAME NIGHT! SEROtonin: @ALIEN_QUEEN @EXPLODOKILLINKING game night? ALIEN_QUEEN: @SEROtonin @EXPLODOKILLINKING yup! w dekusquad + todoroki!! it’s a BLAST ALIEN_QUEEN: @SEROtonin @EXPLODOKILLINKING literally. cuz bkgu is a sore loser EXPLODOKILLINKING: @ALIEN_QUEEN @SEROtonin U FUCKIN EXTRAS R CHEATS ALIEN_QUEEN: @SEROtonin @EXPLODOKILLINKING see? SEROtonin: @ALIEN_QUEEN @EXPLODOKILLINKING ...sounds like disaster. Sero smiles wickedly at his phone, thinking of all the delicious trouble he could stir up. SEROtonin: @ALIEN_QUEEN @EXPLODOKILLINKING im in. He’ll learn his lesson one of these days. ...Not today, though.

[punkrorschach]

Controversial (?) opinion but y’know how in Scifi/future/dystopian novels they sometimes have the narrative of like. No one is born with a “disability” because they can detect them super early and either a) terminate the fetus or b) “fix” the disability with gene therapy or some shit.

This usually leads to a debate (in the story and/or in real life) about the ethical implications of either option.

Above all, I believe in a person’s Right To Choose. I also believe that if you’re not prepared to raise ANY type of child (boy/girl/gay/trans/disabled/mentall ill) then you shouldn’t have children, but most people who want kids want “normal” kids and don’t think about the possibility of anything else. I’d MUCH rather a parent who is unprepared/unwilling/incapable of raising a child for WHATEVER reason get an abortion than have a child they cannot care for and end up causing the child to suffer or putting them up for adoption (bc the system sucks).

I am also a disabled person myself and would JUMP on any sort of “cure” for my myriad of conditions both mental and physical. BUT this mostly applies to the conditions that cause me pain and make life difficult. Conditions like my ADHD give me pause, because yes, they suck sometimes, but a part of me is worried that “curing” them would get rid of a chunk of my personality too. How big a chunk? Dunno.

So when I hear people, usually from the Deaf or Blind communities, talk about how they don’t need to be “fixed” and how they worry that gene therapy will result in the complete erasure of their culture, I can somewhat empathize (somewhat meaning I Do Not know nor claim to know the intricacies of their lives or experiences). I’m also a big supporter of the concept that “disability exists in the context of the environment”. I fully agree with the fact that no Deaf or Blind (etc) person’s life or experiences are “lesser” than anyone else’s.

But a cynical part of me wonders otherwise. Especially as a trans queer person who loves being trans and queer but has gone through hell because of it. I suffered through so much to gain what happiness I have. Would I trade that happiness to get rid of the suffering as well? Deaf people often cite their culture and community as part of why they don’t want a cure. But they only had to make that culture and create that community because of the hardships they faced everywhere else.

It’s easy to say “I wouldn’t want it any other way” when there’s not really another option (yes, cochlear implants/cornea transplants etc exist but they’re risky and require a complete re-education regarding sight/sound). If offered a magic wand to wave over themselves and make it so they never had their disability, and no one would ever know, how many disabled people would refuse?

And beyond that, if they came out with a flawless+foolproof gene therapy to make sure no child was born with any disabilities or chronic/mental illnesses, would people fight it? If someone came out with a “cure” to prevent gay babies from being born, I’m sure I’d be outraged, but I also know being gay makes life harder, even in the most ideal of situations. And if someone came out with a “cure” to prevent children from being born trans, I’m not sure how I’d react. Maybe I shouldn’t compare being trans to being disabled (god knows there’s too many people who call it a mental illness out there) but... I’ve had to have surgery, see doctors, take drugs, and suffer because I’m trans. The same can be said for me being disabled.

If you’re a disabled or chronicallly/mentally ill person who is against any sort of “cure” I’d absolutely love to hear your input. (You can message me/send an ask on anon if you don’t want to reply to the post).

[queenofthewaste]

Hi it's 3am (by the time I finished this it was in fact closer to 5am) and I'm so tired and I don't care anymore and this is literally my blog so if I can't be emo here then where? (A diary, I suppose, but shutup)

To preface this, mutuals, whatevs you've seen me go through fandom after fandom and then become a pseudo aesthetic blog so you can handle me angsting a bit. IRLs on the other hand, if you read this I would appreciate you not ever acknowledging this in anyway shape of form bc like. Emotional vulnerability bad (ง'̀-'́)ง

Up until a few months ago I was in a relationship with someone who I cared about very deeply. The relationship itself was not perfect but I was pretty happy, and best I can tell, so was she. Ultimately we broke up because of the fact that she felt she couldn't come out to her family. This wasn't fun for me or anything but its something I was aware of as a possible end so y'know. Whatever.

Unfortunately this break up wasn't even remotely clean. She continued to talk to me, not seeming to get my requests for space and eventually we went back to cuddling and other forms of emotional intimacy that are far oustide of my platonic wheelhouse. At this situation's worst she made some pretty specifically romantic moves towards me, which I would call almost actively callous. Eventually after a few months of going back and forth on whether or not we were talking we (I) actually were firm about it. This was on Halloween, and the following week or so was basically "great" insofar as I didn't have to think about her.

Unfortunately the next week it was my birthday and she turned up on my doorstep after my party upset I had invited some mutual friends, and I helped her with her emotional distress and then walked her home. Then I had no contact. For about a month.

A month later she messaged me on Twitter. Then a week later she turned up somewhere she knew I was going to be (this is somewhat debatable but ultimately I still felt stalked and in a weird way kind of betrayed).

Then nothing until Christmas day when I received an anonymous "I miss you" on this tumblr. Not provable as her like who else misses me lol? (All the creepy men who I keep rejecting but I don't they have my tumblr). Then on NYE she messaged my housemate about me. Then a few days later she does the same.

Ultimately my feeling about all of this are;

I’m sad about the circumstance of the break up. It feels like a waste of something good, but I could probably deal with it better if either of us seemed even remotely happy since it.

I think it’s fucking heartbreaking that someone I cared so deeply for would so quickly become someone I desperately wanted to avoid, the extent to which I want to avoid her is actively depressing in and of itself 

She’s clearly not been doing okay since we broke up (or for a while before we broke up but she’s been more noticeably dysfunctional since we broke up) and it’s so frustrating to watch her feel alienated from her friends (and to an extent have actually alienated her friends) and to engage in self destructive behaviours etc, and have no room, or even right to do anything. 

As an addition to the previous point, I am usually cold to a fault, so I hate how I have been unable to switch off here. I hate that I still care about her the way I do when everything she has done in the past four months has had an active detrimental affect on me.

This is probably the least “valid” feeling to have about the dissolution of the relationship, and I actively consider this to be deeply petty but here we are - I think it’s unfair that she is telling my housemate that she misses me. I think its unfair that she was the one to do romantic things during the messy period post break up. I think it’s unfair that she made a choice and now seems to want to have the sympathy of the person who was “left” or “dumped” or whatever. Fuck you that’s not fair. I haven’t made my feelings about this known. I didn’t message her fucking housemate to tell him I miss her. Of course I fucking miss her but I’m also not a fucking douchebag.

I also feel betrayed by how willing she was to hurt me and mess me around post-break up. She told her friends things she had promised she wouldn’t and generally handled things shittily. Honestly I just want to know why? I didn’t do anything fucking wrong. We didn’t break up even due to shitty behaviour what the fuck did I do to deserve all of this 

I still want to talk to her. I sort of feel like there’s nothing left to say anymore, but I do 

Running concurrently to this is the fact that last year I was voted in to be the president of the Comic Book Society (club) at my university. At the time I was pleased and looked forward to it. One of the people who would be running it with me was a guy I was good friends with. Then he (probably) sexually assaulted me, and (definitely) became super creepy about his feelings for me. I low key told him to fuck off and didn't speak to him for the summer. During which time he got therapy and seemed to improve, and because I didn't want to have to do paperwork I figured I would let him stick around. Of course then he continued to be creepy so I had to tell him to fuck off properly.

The break up I had just gone through, and the fact I had to fire 1/3 of my exec did not make running the society easy, but ultimately neither of those things were the actual problem. 

The problem instead was that my members just. Wouldn't talk. No matter what. I did everything I could. I know I'm often somewhat intimidating but I also know I'm reasonably funny and decent at conversation in general. But over three months these people remained mute and it was infuriating. They wanted a weekly lecture about comics and I'm just not doing that. So I've allowed the society to fold.

Ultimately about this I guess I feel

Sort of betrayed by the guy who was into me, obviously I suppose I shouldn’t have forgiven him after the (possible) sexual abuse, but I was tired and thought maybe it would be fine. But ultimately he was a guy who claimed to care about me/ know me well, and everything he did belied the opposite which is such a fundamental kind of gross that it’s sort of upsetting.

About my society failing? I take on the responsibility personally, even though every piece of evidence suggests there wasn’t much I could really have done to increase turnout, bar become more general interest (Like talk about the movies more) which ultimately defeats the point of the fucking society so. No. Basically, lol, I feel like a total failure for failing to run a society that was clearly doomed to failure from the beginning

ALSO I’m twenty one. Due to issues with my mental and physical health during my A levels I had to spend an additional year in college. I then failed to get the grades I wanted to go the uni I really wanted to go to. As a result of this I came to uni and was a bit “behind” where I wanted to be in life. Then, naturally, of course, I managed to fail a module of my course, meaning I had to resit the whole year. Making me a Twenty One year old First Year. I haven’t told any of my friends about this, meaning I’m consistently lying a bit about what I’m doing. (I did tell my now ex, and am sort of paranoid she may have told someone but whatever) Oh also one of my housemates is resitting his first year, which arguably makes my extended deception worse, because it’s not helped with his self perception. Oh also multiples of my friends are getting engaged now 

I guess the way I feel about this mess of shit is 

Failurex1000

I feel extremely “behind” some idea of where I feel I should be in my life, which is ridiculous because I’ve never had a clear picture of where I want to be and when, so there’s no plan to be behind on 

Failure Failure Failure

I feel somewhat guilty about not informing said housemate bc he’s insecure about resitting, and also insecure about me being arbitrarily “better” than him, but also I have a crippling fear of being seen as weak or stupid and he’s not my fucking responsibility.

Again, the friends all getting engaged thing makes me feel weirdly lagging so. yay

ALSO I live with three boys currently. I say “boys” because despite their status as legal adults, the juvenile term is really more appropriate. One of whom has had a crush on me for a relatively extended period of time now. He claims to be over me, but his behaviours consistently belie that he is not. Another is just generally a bit immature, and screeches down his headset playing shit video games in the middle of the night (this is in fact why I am currently up and writing this) The third is technically fine but he contributes to the general mess and skid marks on the toilet with the seat always fucking up and the hair all over the fucking bathroom dear fucking god 

Summing up this one too;

I have already decided to live alone next year, and have made the arrangements to do so, Though this means I will basically be broke re: disposable money

If I ever see another fucking toilet seat up I’m going to scream

I nearly stabbed my housemate today for waking me up. And now five hours later nearly I have been unable to get any sleep. 

Alot of my complaints about my housemates highlight two specific things for me 

My upbringing required me to be more independent from a younger age. I’m grateful for the relative competence this has provided me earlier on, but also I think I’m becoming resentful, or jealous, of these people who got to be children until even now? I cannot imagine being 19 and behaving the way these boys do (or twenty one and behaving the way my ex does) and I can’t help but wonder about the kind of coddling they must have had relative to my life.

I need my own space. I have had little control of my life and living arrangements for quite some time now (even having spent three months or so technically homeless last summer) and this is potentially my only opportunity to get that so

Finally, Alot of how I’ve reacted to stuff the past few months has made me feel concerned about my mental health? Several years ago I went to a psychologist for an extended period of time (I was forced to lol) and toward the end of the time I was seeing her she mentioned cluster B personality disorders to me. Obviously being a sixteen year old who thought she was fine this made me balk, I started lying to seem neurotypical or whatever the word is now, and then eventually managed to get out of having to go, but now I think there was probably some stock in what she was talking about and am now going to try and pursue this, so I get to dally with the NHS’ adult mental health services.

Summing up

I don’t actually want a diagnosis and on some level think I’m fine but also line up with the DSM of two of the cluster B’s relatively well and am clearly not doing well so my belief that I’m fine is unhelpful

In the end, it is clearly my pride that’s gong to lead to my death. 

Thanks for reading, anonymous internet person or person I know irl stalking my blog/ignoring my request for this to be ignored if you know me irl :I