#i’m actually so upset with myself | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lovlidollie · 12 days

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guys i fucked up so bad i forgot i had a midterm today

#i’m going to have a fucking breakdown #and then when i did remember it i was AN HOUR AND A HALF LATE because the stupid online submission closed at 9pm #i’m actually so upset with myself #it’s worth 20% of my grade i’m kmsing #i applied for an extension or whatever i’m literally begging they give it to me #i’m so fuckign STUPID #꩜ .ᐟ mira

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peaches2217 · 1 month

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*gently opens the door, then kicks it the rest of the way open as dramatically as possible*

Mario normally being fully verbal but going nonverbal when his PTSD flares up so part of the reason he struggles to tell his loved ones when he’s struggling is because he physically *can’t* and this is a new development and he’s embarrassed so he just. Hides until it’s over and then pretends it never happened because he’s fucking terrible at balancing his pride and his coping mechanisms

This is now canon to my ‘verse.

#not quite back yet! but I had to write that down lest I forget it #I tend to go nonverbal when deeply upset so it’s based on a true story #being in retail means I’ve had to teach myself to force past it and keep talking anyway but it’s still challenging #(thankfully since moving from retail to tourism it doesn’t happen nearly as often and I can get space when I’m upset!)#before that if something triggered a nonverbal spell then I couldn’t talk for anywhere from several minutes to a couple of days #actually I still have a lot of moments where I go nonverbal and I’m just now coming to terms with that #because while I usually CAN still talk it’s extremely uncomfortable and draining #ALL THAT TO SAY #I am once again projecting onto my boy 😌#peaches has opinions

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j-escapesreality · 9 months

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I was reading an amazing fic. like literally the best i have ever read. everything i have ever wanted placed perfectly in this one fic.

i thought the fic was completed.

i was wrong. it hasn’t been updated since 2019.

i am devastated

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teapot-of-tyrahn · 23 days

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hello !!! i'm ...

➟ sugar !! i also go by charlie , echo , scott , timmy -- call me whatever's more comfortable for u !!

➟ i'm genderfluid, asexual and biromantic + greyromantic !!

➟ my CURRENT hyperfixations are on NINJAGO and the TRAFFIC LIFE SERIES !! if you're seeing THIS pinned introduction, TRAFFIC LIFE SERIES is currently the MAIN brainrot !

➟ i am a 🚸 MINOR ⚠️ !! please interact with this in mind !!!

➟ i have GAD [ generalized anxiety disorder ] , separation anxiety disorder , social anxiety disorder , selective mutism , depression , DPD [dependent personality disorder] , ARFID [ avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder ] , and involuntary age regression ! though these topics probably won't be discussed at length , please keep them in mind when interacting with me !! at times i may go NON-VERBAL or slip into LITTESPACE , and i ask you be patient with me at those times, thank you !

➟ this is a FANDOM SIDEBLOG - my main blog is @sugrx !! here is where i post FANFICTION, FANART, ANALYSISES , AUS, USERBOXES,,, etc !!

➟ basic ! queerphobes, xenophobes, misognists, sexists, ableists, racists, terfs, maps, pedos, fatphobes, etc - any and all bigots of ANY shape or form !! ➟ nsfw / fetish / kink blogs !! again , i am a MINOR , and though i'm fine with having mutuals who ARE 18+ , i'd rather avoid 18+ content , thank you !!

#tag system is simple ! ;;#writing is in →#my writing #and art is in →#my art #!!#most of my fandom-related content falls into either of those categories . i try to keep my system so it's not too difficult to navigate!#i also have a tendency to ramble - i put // in order to differentiate between tag rambles and actual tags #for example!#//#pinned introduction #trafficblr #hermitblr #mcytblr #life series #blog intro #///#ta-daa !#though usually actual tags come first and ramble tags are at the bottom for algorithum purposes !#anyway. i decided to make two SEPERATE intro posts because i couldn't decide on which theme to go w/ for it and couldn't find a way to -#combine them in a way which didn't clash LOL #this is also my first time talking abt copinglink on tumblr !! thought this be the best place to put this since my linktypes r fictional #i'm hoping it will help me deal with my anxiety better and stop w/ other actual bad coping habits !!#i don’t know TOO much abt the alter human community so pls lmk if I’m not allowed to kin this way / coping link is problematic ;; /gen #i did some research and couldn't find anything saying it was offensive / controversial and i just think it would be a healthy-#-way to gain confidence and adapt to healthy coping ! but pls lmk if this is discomfiting / upsetting to anyone and i'll stop !#or at least not mention it publicly . i mostly only copinglink around close mutuals / friends anyway -#- and tend to consider myself an ' au ' / separate from distinctly canon so don't mind referring to them as separate entites at all #if that makes ppl more comfortable !!

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honeypleasejustkillme · 1 year

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i’m trying my hardest to not act how i feel

#tw: directed fp vent #it feels like you don’t love me anymore #even when i’m in the same room as you.. it’s so heartbreaking to watch you bond with other people when you should be giving me the attention #all i want is you to show me you love me when we’re alone #it’s the only time we have together.. just us.. but you go and play games with your friends on discord while i chill in the background #taking stab after stab every time you laugh or say you love them #i know we’re not partners so i shouldn’t feel this way but i fucking do #and i want you.. more than i’ve ever wanted anyone in my life #you just never seem to understand why i get so upset #it’s because I WANT YOU #all to myself #i should be the center of your mind.. like you are in mine #it just.. fuck it sucks being in love with someone so oblivious and against it #idk how to tag this #bpd vent #bpd fp #actually bpd #actually mentally ill #actually borderline #bpd favorite person #bpd shitposting #bpd #bpd problems #bpd mood #i would but the tag beloved.txt with this but i don’t really want to put it there if he ever finds out the tag about him

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angelnumber27 · 3 months

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It’s so embarrassing and heartbreaking being in so much pain over losing someone while knowing they don’t give a fuck if you live or die. Your favorite person becoming a stranger is a special kind of hell.

#I fucking hate having bpd #while I’m at it I don’t understand the fuckin audacity some people have to say they love you and do horrible things to you #I feel so stupid #I feel so stupid for believing all the lies #but I was so in love and put him on such a pedestal that I just allowed it all.#thinking about someone constantly and grieving over them and knowing they’re perfectly fine and to them you don’t exist #I’m still in such a state of grief and I don’t understand why time hasn’t healed #it honestly feels like it’s gotten worse w time #I just torture myself but I can’t help it my brain wants me dead #it’s so painful I feel so fucking stupid #being abandoned with no closure by someone who’s your entire world #for someone they were unfaithful to you with multiple times (I don’t even know how many and dony want to know) immediately #like that was the plan all along #he took our cat hundreds of miles away and I don’t even know if he still has her or if she’s still alive and I miss her every day #I never loved someone like that and it feels like the heartbreak is actually physically killing me #i spent 1/5 of my entire life with him #I was my prettiest and had the best body at the time and I wasted it on someone who didn’t appreciate me #not wasted. it wasn’t wasted. we had some incredible times together #I’ll never be that beautiful again #and now idk what do so bc i can’t decide which is worse: being alone and isolating or loving deeply and ending up horribly hurt all over #it’s all just so upsetting.#and I feel so stupid for allowing it all #he knows more about me than anyone and he made me feel like he loved me so much sometimes and then did horrid things and it’s so fucked up #nobody read this I’m so embarrassed and horribly broken #it traumatized me so much there was so much abuse and pain idk if I’ll ever recover #I deserved it but it still hurts my heart #I was so mentally ill and sick I know it had to have been miserable to be around me #there are so many things only he understands and knows about me and I need to talk about them I j wanna b able to b there 4 each other #but that girl is so beyond insecure and controlling so. if I want to talk to who fuckin gets me I’m just fucked #why lead someone on like that for years knowing you’re going to abandon them the second it’s convenient

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alluralater · 11 days

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i feel silly but i thought tribbing wasn't about pussy on pussy more pussy on thighs...

i’m on a tumblr break but i’ll hop in for this one, this is one of those moments where a google search can tell you exactly what i’m about to.

tribbing is more general to wherever and can be used specifically/interchangeably for genital to genital contact, while scissoring is more specific and only means genital to genital contact. if tribbing was about solely grinding on thighs you’d be hearing the word waaaaay more often. i personally don’t use the term scissoring when talking about genital to genital grinding with people who have vulvas because it’s often associated with being seen through the male gaze in porn. as in: lesbian porn made for cis men. physical motions which lack pleasure for the subjects but fulfill the watcher’s idea of what they expect to see. as someone that has a wild amount of tribbing experience, it’s a personal choice to not call it scissoring. i was pressured from early teenage years into many conversations with cis men who would jam their fingers together and narrow their eyes at me, asking how lesbian sex works, insinuating that it doesn’t on the basis of two pairs of scissors in mirrored motion. derogatory associations. i have a scissor tattoo on the outside of my thigh in hopes that one day i’ll be much more accepting of using the term but yeah it’s simply a personal choice not to do so for now, to no harm of the terms themselves because again— for this purpose they are 100% interchangeable. like calling a carbonated drink soda or pop— to each their own <3

#guys i have like 720 asks and more keep coming in. please don’t be upset if i don’t answer. im literally taking time off to #grieve my brother. this is the first dedicated actual time i’ve taken just to be by myself since he took his life last september.#this ask seemed disingenuous but i’m also just not in the mood to like guess what your intentions are with sending it so— hope this answered #your nonquestion question.

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jackinalex · 1 month

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The way I came running here… If you look on Spotify, you can see the feature for remembering Sunday and you are not telling me that Lisa fucking GASKARTH is the feature… This is so out of nowhere.

Also, that song is meant to be horrifically sad about how you lost somebody who means the most to you and you put your fucking wife on it…. ALEX PLEASE 😅😅😅

When I tell y’all I am SHAKING mad and sick to my stomach!!!! They are so asinine and insane for this!!! LIKE HE WROTE THIS SONG ABOUT A GIRL HE WANTED TO MARRY WHO WAS NOT LISA!!!! Nobody asked for this weird shit.

#they really really REALLY want me to kill myself huh #they’re going to ruin one of my very favorite songs for me #I’m actually so upset #kalina answers #lg #I AM SO MAD

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f1nneas · 1 month

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Boyfriends are scary what if they don’t fuck with my Minecraft pyjamas ☹️

#WAAAAAA #if he don’t fuck with all of my freak then I don’t fuck with him tbh #I’m a pro freakoid chat I swear #and I love it 😊#wouldn’t change who I am for the world #I’m swaggalicious #would maybe give myself a boyfriend and some more friends though tbh because I’m lonely like really lonely no joke someone help pls #actually it makes me really upset that I’m so lonely idk #wait guys #ignore that #too lazy to delete those tags #but I #YUCK #anyone wanna be friends hit me up pls but I probably will send like 3 messages and then forget #yeah okay #bye

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lemonmatronics · 8 months

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I only have 10 episodes of Jem and The Holograms left before I finish the series what’s the point of being alive after that

#I’ve been enjoying this show so much is genuinely upsetting seeing myself so close to finishing it #I know there’s comics from the reboot I can read #Which I’m gonna #But it’s not the same #I’ll get more mushy about it when I’m actually through but man #I’ve REALLY liked this show and have gotten so attached to the characters #Finishing the show and knowing there’s no chance of seeing those versions of the characters again is kinda sad #jem and the holograms

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tchaikovskaya · 5 months

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🫠

#like ok I know I’m being self centered and borderline self obsessive and narcissistic for taking so much time to dwell on this but #what is it about ME that makes people so crazy like I know of other accts w more followers than I have and afaik theirs aren’t as rab #*rabid as mine are lmfaooooooo #like I know that so many of you are so incredibly kind and so lovely and honestly that’s why I’m still here #but there is just a very tiny but extremely loud minority who are vicious and fucking relentless #I won’t go into detail but yeah it even bleeds into my life irl and them making a point to intimidate me #in the real physical 3D world not online like my daily actual life #and I just don’t know what it is like idk why idk what it is that I do or have done #(not to be problématique but) it’s not even like I post thirst traps or pics of myself at ALL #IIRC I haven’t for like over 4 yrs now lmao. it’s not an issue of me intentionally drawing attn it’s just me Existing on here???#idk I just am so upset by it if I think too hard about it. idk.

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opinionatedoctopus · 10 months

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Are you telling me that Ghosts (UK) only JUST ended?? Like two months ago?? But I only just found it. And there’s. No more :(((((

#I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m scared to watch the US version bc the pilot wasn’t as good #but like. I’m still so upset about The Captain #ghosts uk #ghosts #bbc ghosts #wtf is this fandom called?#I only started watching it like 3 days ago and I’m already done #actually I couldn’t find the Xmas specials…#someone help. idk what to do. it wasn’t a bad ending but it also wasn’t very satisfying #I want The Captain to be happy #he’s my little guy #any fic recs???#octobubbles

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butnotbubblegum · 2 months

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using the tags to vent my current emotional state into the void bc ig story feels like a bad plan for this, don’t read them if you’re having a bad day, they’ll probably not help in the slightest.

#but jesus christ coming back home while already knee deep in a suicidal episode was an awful idea #like i was maybe on the verge of improving and then i came back to all of this family bullshit #and the place as well like it’s so. i don’t want to say isolated necessarily. but so much it’s own little bubble #and i spent the last eight or nine years i lived here depressed and the last six suicidal #and being back here feels like the actual place is telling me to die #and i don’t think it helps that every place i go i know or know of someone who successfully committed suicide #like. oh this person drowned themself here. or that person hung themself in these woods. or several people jumped off the side of this clif #like. it all feels like reminders of my failures. and it’s like. cmon. wouldn’t it be easy. all you need to do is jump. is slit your throat #is find a decent piece of rope. idk. but everything is so much and i just want it to stop and it feels like the ground itself #is giving me a way to do it.#i genuinely feel like i’m like 16 or 17 again. and everything that isn’t within these hills #feels like a haze and not actually real. like the concept of buxton doesn’t actually exist and my friends do not actually exist and nothing #actually exists except the place i’m in and my family and the pub #i think going back to work at the pub was a mistake; i think it’s making this worse. especially because it’s henry’s dad’s local #and where henry’s wake was. and nothing there has changed at all. it’s like the whole last year never happened.#and i only need to get through two more days but it feels like an impossible task and i keep thinking being back in york will fix me but id #if that even true like. i was suicidal before i left. and it’s going to be intense and stressful and then i have to leave again.#come back here and do three full weeks of this all over again. i haven’t even managed two yet this time around. and i feel like #such a failure and such a drain on my friends (and on one in particular) because it just #is so much and has been so long and everything is complicated and awful and i think if i hadn’t come back i’d be in a normal mental state #by now. that’s the worst fucking part. and also the whole thing of i know how to be suicidal here. i know how to not give a shit about #living here. i know how to do that. but ive never had to try before. like im trying to improve and im trying to hold on and hold off the #urges to kill myself or self harm or whatever because i said i would and because i KNOW it can be better than this and bc i love my friends #and they love me and i don’t want to upset them or make them anxious or anything like that and kat made me promise to try and im trying so #fucking hard and it feels like it’s not even worth the effort because it’s so much effort and everything is so overwhelming and awful and i #hate the way my family interacts and i just want everything to stop and idc if suicide is the cowards way out or selfish or whatever #bullshit people say it feels like the only option i can actually withstand because everything is so much pain and so much effort and so muc #everything and i can’t deal with it anymore. and also i forgot just how much i have to fucking mask in front of my parents and especially m #father and it’s so exhausting and i can’t sleep and there’s so much yelling and i just need it all to stop #i’ve had major breakdowns the last 3 nights about wanting to die so much & trying so hard to not let myself & idk how much longer i can tak

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femmeidiot · 11 months

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I just was talking to a customer and she said she would need to bring her partner in and I said “okay well you can definitely bring them in” and she got so mad at me and said “HER. Don’t assume my partner’s gender” and I said “I didn’t say HIM I said THEM” and she was like okay sorry

#Anyway it actually devolved into a more upsetting situation but it’s fine I’m gonna make myself get over it #also the new guy we hired won’t shut the fuck up when I’m talking to customers so I’m about to lose my fucking mind

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random0lover · 11 months

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I hate men and their need to act like any emotional reactions you have while you’re on your period is just you being “hormonal” and “not yourself”

(Rant in tags)

#like sorry I’m actually defending myself rather than just letting you talk shit about me directly infront of me??#when I’m on my period I tend to show more of my real emotions rather than what people want to see so yeah #but the conversation I was having with my brother was fine- I wasn’t talking to him in any way #he asked me about the monster that I had because like an hour or two ago he asked me not to throw it away since it’s one with the cod #qr code thing on it and he asked me if I threw it away and I said “no it’s not empty right now it’s infront of the microwave” and right #after my dad jumps in saying nobody needs to take offense to how I’m talking or how I’m being? when I didn’t say anything in any way? like #my brother didn’t even have the time to respond to me before he jumped in and started indirectly talking shit #I’m so done right now- all he’s done the last few days is nit pick at me about stupid shit like yesterday we missed the our bus stop and we #get off and this man starts yelling at me that now he doesn’t get to eat (mind you he never explicitly said he wanted to get off at that #stop I thought we were just going directly home)- he constantly says shit on purpose to get a rise out of me and now for some reason my #brother (the one that is 17) has been budding in and telling me to stfu and all this shit and my dad feeds off it and uses it as more of a #reason to justify how he’s treating me and it’s just so upsetting cause he does know I’m in a more vulnerable time right now since my period #is always really difficult anyways really sorry for the rant don’t have any friends I can talk to irl about any of this so to the internet #it goes 🙃#random0lover emotional dumps #random0lover rambling ♡

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spacespore · 9 days

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HI TUMBLRR it’s me

#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm #im right #ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa #all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too #but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now #anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them #but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of #idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad #but I never held it against them cause we were children #but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen #well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik #them as much Lol #I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually #for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it #im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked #out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha #that’s how Francis came to be #and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol

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