#i’m actually in tears right now
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The demons have been exorcised! The Monaco curse has been broken! Charles Leclerc wins the Monaco Grand Prix.
#i’m actually in tears right now#he deserves this so much#f1#formula 1#formula one#charles leclerc#cl16#monaco gp 2024#monaco grand prix 2024#scuderia ferrari
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Big hit: yoongi is leaving for the military
Me:
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I’m thinking about Mahito’s great great uncle maintaining and preserving a peaceful and beautiful thing in a way that to an outside observer looks tedious and unimportant, hoping to pass the duty off to a successor but ultimately he cannot find one and dies with it.
I’m thinking about the specificity of the blocks being made and handled with care, not with malice or ill intent.
I’m thinking about Hayao Miyazaki, a bastion of beautiful 2d hand drawn animation who refuses to retire.
I’m thinking about a world where animation is so rarely made with love over profit and efficiency.
I’m thinking about how, though the old man didn’t see it, the next generation still hangs onto a piece of that beautiful, tedious thing and takes it with them because it feels important.
I’m thinking about Mahito being told he should forget, but no. He shouldn’t.
#the boy and the heron#the boy and the heron spoilers#tbath#how do you live#hayao miyazaki#studio ghibli#I love seeing a film that I can’t quite process right away and then hours later my brain is like DING DING DING PROCESSED!#fully crying actual tears right now I’m Not Okay#I hope he knows how much he means to so many people
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sobbing while listening to this song on repeat and thinking about five and delores
like this is not a joke tears have been streaming down my face for 20 minutes. someone save me i’m losing my mind
#this song NEVER fails to make me cry#like actual tears#i get so emotional just thinking about it#also i’m reading multiple five x delores fics right now and it’s ridiculous how much i love them#i’m actually losing my mind#five x delores#five x dolores#tua delores#tua dolores#the umbrella academy#tua#umbrella academy#five hargreeves#hargreeves siblings#tua s4#number five#tua season 4#tua five#matt maltese#as the world caves in#Spotify
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every time I wear my headphones and I hear a heartbeat, there are a few seconds where I’m wondering if it’s cure or my own heartbeat 
#i’m saying this because this just happened#and it in fact was not cure#its actually so bad i do that#its just a song#but it’s not just a song#its a lifestyle *wipes away tear*#im being so unserious right now#but seriously#that song destroys me#it comes on when im in class rhats it#no work gets done#im in mourning until further notice#alas#alnst ivan#alnst till#alien stage#alnst
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sorry just thinking about how feyre didn’t believe there was such a thing as a better world until she danced with tamlin and saw the world being born with him. sorry just gonna go jump off a cliff now. yea sorry to whoever finds my mangled body skewn across the rocks below. yea apologies
#literal tears in my eyes my mom is asking why i’m crying#SARAH WHAT THE FUCK!#sorry i can’t even mourn i am actually so fucking pissed right now#i lost this for FEYSAND??????#ARE YOU JOKING!!!!!#acotar#feylin#pro feylin#sorry i must now go look at my board of fanart to calm down
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I mean I’m obsessed with crash landing on you because it’s like if a hallmark movie was good and that is fascinating to my brain and healing to my heart.
#I didn’t think such a thing was possible#I’ve been living very much in a world of extremes lately re: Art#like. on the one hand all the great works I teach just taking OVER my brain#and my knowledge of them deepening at a very rapid pace#(sometimes in a too terrifying way so I feel like I’m hurtling down a hill. it’s actually really hard sometimes and I think part of how)#(my anxiety is manifesting itself. like. I just. I don’t feel like I’ve taken a deep breath in a year)#(I’ve just been in. motion.)#and then on the other hand finding new ways to find shows like Bridgerton dead#and Bridgerton helps with that because it is emotionally hollow. because it is fundamentally embarrassing#because Anthony snarling at Kate about how his honor is hanging by a thread isn’t sexy at all#so my mind has kind of just been living in those two extremes and there hasn’t been a lot of room for gentleness or nuance#but cloy is very healing 😭 and it just doesn’t#push the buttons in my brain that immediately need to analyze and#to some extent—destroy! tear apart! with fierce and savage energy.#it just lets my brain and heart exist.#and also there is something so sweet and pure and real about so much of it#I think it’s cause it’s true love 😭 and it’s that simple.#(I’ve also outgrown/moved on from some of the more mediocre things I used to love. Like I just needed something new) but yeah.#it has been very hard in my brain lately even though it’s also been very good#like. teaching is just a lot these days. because it takes sooooooo much effort and work to get the kids going intellectually speaking#and one of the only ways I know how to reach them. or at least the lane I’m really driving in right now#(I know there are more ways)#is simply speaking to them above their heads. with passion and energy and a certain degree of expertise#and it’s WORKING#because it wakes them up and makes them want to engage#but I am also moving so fast and so vulnerably for all of my certainty. that it’s just hard.#I need to relax but I can’t. I feel like the devil is behind me every second#this is dramatic. and as Lewis said in surprised by joy it’s only one layer of what’s happening#but it is what happening#a lot of things are unfolding/growing and also the anxiety is terrible
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AND HERE COMES BERONICA WITH THE STEEL CHAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!
#I’M SO GAGGED RN LMAOOOOO#I LOVE IT#LEAVE THAT MAN AND LOVE EACH OTHER#AMEN!!!!!!#riverdale#riverdale spoilers#i could cry tears of joy right now actually#veronica lodge#betty cooper#beronica
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TELL ME WHY AM I CRYING AFTER THE LITTLE PRIVATE CHAT WITH ANDY ON THE ROOF TERRACE???🥹🥹🥹🥹
#i wish i was lying but there’s LITERALLY tears in my eyes😭😭😭#he is so cute!!!#and he fostered a turtle named Stu!!!#and he’s bringing ten puppies for a night in!!!#and then- and then we- we SLOW DANCED and-#waterfalls are happening right now😭😭😭#i am normal about him#(I’m not normal about him)#(actually what the fuck is wrong with me???)#litg#love island the game#litg s6#litg double trouble#litg andy
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I feel incredibly guilty for not responding to anyone’s attacks on art fight so far
I PROMISE I’m not ignoring anyone my immune system is just fighting for her life rn I promise
#today was a bad day health wise but that hopefully means I am near the end of the decline#currently I can’t sleep cuz I keep sneezing#like really bad sneezes 5-6 times in a row#drawing or doing much of anything right now is really exhausting and hard#I’ve been joking about it but I’m. actually kinda miserable rn JGSHFKDH#burst into tears twice today bc of this shit. I’m exhausted.#i mean I had covid before and that was bad but this feels worse
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Ink October day twenty-nine: Wilder
To bewilder; to perplex.
Comparative form of wild: more wild.
#tears of the kingdom#loz totk#totk#the legend of zelda#legend of zelda#legend of zelda tears of the kingdom#totk link#blue boi draws#ink october 2023#ink October 2023 day 29#I have extremely conflicted feelings about this game that I think boil down to: I don’t dislike it but it did disappoint me#like there are a lot of things about it but the things I dislike are loud in a way that makes them hard to ignore#there are also a lot of tiny nitpicking things I dislike about it that I feel bad about because they are probably insignificant or cases of#people having different taste in things. like the bombs I miss my remote destination bombs :( but also the mechanics that replace them are#really fun. I actually think most of the mechanics and puzzles are really good (I probably have more fun in Zonai shrines then sheikah#on average) I also think expanding to the sky and underground was really smart and good. I think most of my issues are with the story#they did Zelda so dirty. sooooooo dirty. the three good things they did with her are 1 gave her good parental figures 2 cut her hair#3 tURNED HER INTO A FUCKING DRAGON. A WYRM. A CREATURE.#that’s probably my favourite main story thing besides maybe the companions and also Tulin#I love Teba the fact that his son is featured heavily and is done so good in this game is amazing.#also revali being basically never mentioned was really good. fuck you revali#love the Zonai HATE them founding Hyrule (or well rauru)#love the designs dragon goat people love good dad to Zelda the king can go fuck himself#the thing about me is I hate colonial the divine right of kings and monarchies so much. the kingdom of Hyrule stinks of these things#botw to me was in part a story of a monarchy failing. the king and the system failed Zelda failed Link and failed their kingdom.#I knew that more then likely they would be rebuilding the kingdom in the sequel but oh my gods does the addition of the politics of Hyrules#founding make it worse. there are so many people who have explained in detail this but right now my brain is just… GAH#*banging my head against the wall* can we PLEASE acknowledge the flaws of the Hylian royalty I’m not even asking for them to be discrowned#at this point I just want anything that isn’t this glorifying shit. and it sucks because I like Sonia!!! I like Minaru!!!#ran out of tags but I need you to know I am fucking vibrating about this
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thought about love too hard and now i’m crying real tears because i have no one here to bite
#what the fuck#i’m actually a little bit upset right now. i am a creature of such love and there is no one here to inflict it on except for my tiny dog#(i love her very much)#i need to kiss someone and hold them. so desperately#ANYWAY time to go read destiel#just thought it was funny that i teared up about biting thought the biterguys might like that one
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Idk if this has been asked before but what other HM/SOS games have you played? Which one is your favorite (or some of your favorites?)
P.S. I love your drawings. I never cared for Rock, but I think your Rock Propaganda’s working on me.
thanks so much for the ask!! i’m so glad you enjoy my rock propaganda because i have a lot more to come lmao
my collection is not that big, and i haven’t really played any of the post-split non remake games, but here’s the ones i’ve played a decent amount of:
harvest moon (snes)
harvest moon 64
fomt/mfomt + the remake
awl/anwl + the remake
magical melody
ds /ds cute
my all time favorite is another wonderful life, but i’m also enjoying the remake an equal amount, both are great for different reasons
ds/dscute are also my favorite (derogatory) i’ve played them more than any game Ever but i can’t recommend them to anyone because they’re Grindfest Hell and malicious hateful game design and characterization but i have fun with extremely grindy and evil games and i’m in love with how strange and awful both of them are
64 is also really high up there because i have great memories playing it, it’s one of the more stressful just because of how tight everything feels to get the best ending but i like that
the newer games look so good and i wanna play them… i always just end up replaying an old game out of nostalgia… i’ll play 3oT someday i swear
#thanks for the ask!!#i actually bought rf3 and it arrived a few days ago but i haven’t played it…#i feel like i’m going to end up marrying pia or marian just from first impressions#right now i can’t tear myself away from sos awl so that’ll continue for a while yet. also i have 400 wips to finish#bokumono#asks
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a thing i’m very afraid of though it would be great foreshadowing payoff is. you know when harrow tells gideon “when i release you from my service, you will know”? i think that’s gonna come back. i think harrow’s going to beg gideon to just die and let go so she doesn’t fuck her soul up more or something. she’s gonna be like. ok fuck i’m making myself cry writing this. she’s gonna be like “it’s time gideon you have to go” and gideon’s gonna be like “not while you still need me!!” and they’re both gonna be crying and harrow’s gonna be like “gideon the ninth i release you from my service”
#literally actual tears rolling down my face right now imagining this i’m so gone lmaooo#tlt#tlt speculation#tlt spoilers
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Bump in the Night & Sleeptober Day 21: Black Dog & Room Below
#6#Sleeptober#Sleeptober 2024#Sleep Token#Bump in the Night#Bump in the Night 2024#Stray Souls#Stray Souls Webtoon#Webtoon#HELLO#I’m here#Yeah for BITN I drew Mialek and Kaira from Stray Souls by Maf#Very good webtoon#Recently ended (unfinished but still) so if you wanna check it out there’s like 138 eps for u#Idk if Kaira came out amazing but for someone who doesn’t draw animals often she came out fine#First time drawing Mia so that’s cool#And then for sleeptober#This is a comic of the day I first and last heard Bloodsport#I remember that night so vividly it’s like awful#You can find my post from that night if you want you can see the tags of me right after I managed to compose myself#I mean in actuality it was the monologue that made me die not the song itself really but. I don’t want to risk it#Even just looking up the lyrics or the transcript of the monologue got some tears out of me#Two things that can never fail to make me cry are that monologue and Arthur Lester’s poem about his parents in Malevolent podcast#I haven’t listened to Blood Sport since and idk if I will. I still remember the chorus and like the “favorite regret… weapon of choosing…#atoms stopped fusing” parts but besides that just waaaaaaaaah#I’ll probably only listen to it again like several years from now or if Vessel forces me to hear it at a ritual bc he plays it#But uh yeah enjoy dog and funny comic of me suffering to ST hope you like
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hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery
#starlight personal#it’s very bizarre to have my life going objectively well - work is good! personal life is good! family is good!#and still be very mentally ill and feel like I’m faking it even though I know damn well I ain’t scream-sobbing every couple of days alone in#my apartment for attention because What Attention??? my cat????? Bug is never moved by my tears she cares only for string and wires#like I know that cannabis has been immensely helpful to getting me to fucking sleep on a regular schedule and that’s integral to -#my functioning and I know that having emergency klonopin in the event of a total breakout is helpful#and I KNOW that my PMDD and depression and anxiety are very treatment resistant and ketamine is the only thing that’s provided any -#meaningful relief and logically I know I’m not abusing any of these#I’m getting a promotion at work I still go out to see friends regularly I have hobbies I have a girlfriend (??? Wild right)#like clearly these things are working because i’m better now than i was for years leading up to now#SO LIKE. DON’T STOP USING THE THINGS THAT HELP. LOGICALLY THIS MEANS THESE ARE GOOD FOR ME#I always roll my eyes when ppl go off their meds b/c they’re feeling better like babes that’s what the meds are meant to do#if you stop taking them you stop feeling better - but it’s REALLY HARD to get past the cultural conditioning#the feeling that ‘but I can white knuckle my way through this I can force myself to live without’ like WHY BITCH#WE DON’T HAVE TO LIVE WITHOUT#AND ALSO. WE’RE STILL GENERALLY MISERABLE BRO. EVEN WITH OUR LIFE IN A BETTER PLACE!!!#DO YOU NOT THINK THIS MEANS THAT WE SHOULD USE WHAT WE KNOW WORKS TO BE LESS MISERABLE#basically it’s really hard to not feel like a loser when the only things that help are ‘fun’ drugs like weed and psychedelics#I feel like I’m being a hedonistic reprobate which 1) is actually kinda cool now that I wrote it out#2) @ myself were not a good enough liar-faker that every medical professional we see wouldn’t pick up on that if that was our motivation#time to remind myself that it’s arrogant to think I could trick many trained professionals without actively trying tbh#that generally helps me get out of my self-pitying ‘ohhhhh I’m awful and lazy and bad and abusing substances’ spiral#to be very mentally ill on main it is weirdly reassuring to be like ‘just as my fanon interpretation of obi wan kinda hates himself but is -#practical enough to take care of himself even when it makes him cringe and want to scratch his face off; I too am aware that self-care is -#radical and punk and In Fact Necessary to beat back the dark and live in the light with hope so yes even though I doubt and -#feel squiggly and guilty about it I’m not going to NOT prioritize my health and well-being b/c self-hatred and self-denial benefits no one’#thank you inner obi wan i love projecting my issues onto you mwah mwah mwah smooches for my favorite boy!!!!!#and smooches for me I’m going to be proud of myself gosh darn it even if I have to fake it at first#see I wouldn’t be able to be nice to myself like this if I hadn’t been doing ketamine treatment for a year IT WORKS BRO KEEP IT UP#SCHEDULE THE DAMN APPOINTMENT AND CLEAN YOUR BONG
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