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softtransbf · 4 years ago

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Mister Nice Guy, part 1

Summary: You’re new to the BAU and get along well with everyone, almost. You can’t figure out why the infuriatingly handsome Dr. Spencer Reid seems to hate you so much.

Word Count: 2222

Reader: Trans man, he/him pronouns, no physical description.

Warnings: Alcohol, brief description of a case and therefore murder. Nothing graphic.

(Part two)

~~~~~~~~~~

It was your first day at the BAU, and you were so excited. It took all of your willpower not to skip from the elevator to your new boss' office. You definitely caught a sideways glance from an incredibly handsome man with very expressive eyebrows, but you didn't let it concern you; you'd worked too damn hard for too damn long to let anyone bring you down today. You got to the door and knocked sharply.

"Agent L/N, please, come in," came a voice from inside the room. You took a deep breath and walked through the door.

You'd heard stories about Aaron Hotchner and the BAU- everyone had. Most people only heard the good parts- the heroic tales, the happy endings. But you liked to be prepared, to know the truth of what you were going after, so you'd also paid attention to the quieter whispers. The imposing boss who never smiles, the weird and maybe-pseudo-sexual relationship between the exuberant tech analyst and one of the profilers, the betting pool on whether or not the two female profilers were secretly gay for each other, true crime writer extraordinaire and profiling legend David Rossi leaving retirement to mostly be snarky, and the young agent with multiple doctorates who is smarter than seems humanly possible. You would never admit it, but you were particularly eager to meet the genius. He guest lectured once in your friend's linguistics class your last semester before graduating, and xe wouldn't shut up about him for an entire week. When you told xem that your transfer was approved, xe begged for "a full rundown on what he's like up close and personal" after your first case. But first, you needed to meet with SSA Hotchner.

"Please, take a seat." He gestured to the chairs in front of his desk.

"Thank you. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir." You thanked your lucky star that your voice didn't shake.

"It's a pleasure to have you. I heard nothing but the best about you from your previous supervisor. Officially, all the paperwork has gone through for your transfer, but I would like to ask a couple of questions before we get started."

"Of course, sir. What would you like to know?" One corner of his mouth ticked up slightly for a fraction of a second, and you counted that as a major victory.

"First and foremost, why are you interested in the BAU?" You relaxed slightly; you'd prepared for this question.

"Human behavior is nothing short of fascinating. Everyone is shaped by a unique set of experiences, but at the end of the day, we all behave in documented patterns. Everything matters, because it shapes who we are, but also nothing does, because we all end up in one of a finite number of 'shapes', so to speak. No one is the same, but we all exhibit set behavioral patterns. No matter what someone's gone through, at the end of the day, they are still understandable and predictable. I find that absolutely fascinating, and the work that the BAU does with that is incredible. I want to be a part of it, and I have the skill and drive to do so. After all, the BAU essentially wrote the handbook for Crisis Negotiation."

"That is a very interesting perspective, agent." His face was neutral, but you detected approval in his tone. "I only had one other matter to bring up- I see two different first names in your paperwork, and two of your references refer to you with different pronouns. Which name do you prefer, and what are your pronouns?"

You were floored; you'd never had a supervisor so casually look past paperwork outing you. "Y/N, sir, and he/him/his."

"Wonderful. Well, Y/N, welcome to the BAU. Let's go meet the team, shall we?" You nodded and followed him out his door into the meeting room, where the rest of the team was assembled.

"Everyone, this is Special Agent Y/N L/N. He has just transferred from Crisis Negotiation."

"Oh! New guy! Hi hi hi! I'm Penelope Garcia, just call me Penelope, and I do all the tech-y, research-y stuff." She made her way across the room to you as she spoke, talking with her hands.

"Pleasure to meet you, Penelope! I love the look you're rocking, by the way. Those shoes in particular are magnificent." You knew you were being the gay sterotype that you'd spent your career trying to avoid, but shoes that good could not go uncomplimented.

"Oh my goodness, thank you!" she said to you before stage-whispering to the rest of the team, "I like him! Let's keep him." The team laughed, and you blushed. It seemed that Hotchner had wordlessly passed on the duties of making the introductions to her, because she pointed to the agent closest to her, handsome-guy-with-the-eyebrows from earlier, and continued on.

"Okay, so, this is Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss, Jenifer Jareau, but we all call her JJ, David Rossi, and Dr Spencer Reid." They all nodded, smiled, and/or waved slightly when they were introduced, with the exception of Dr Reid, who looked almost like he was looking at a puzzle. You chalked the feeling in your gut it gave you to first-day nerves.

"It's a pleasure to meet you all, and I look forward to getting to know you all better as time goes on." You were addressing everyone, but something about the way Dr. Reid was staring at you made it difficult to look away from him for too long.

"Wonderful! Now, as much as I wish we could all chit-chat and get to know Y/N better, we do have a case. Last night, a body was found in San Francisco's Golden Gate Park."

The case was interesting, twin injustice collectors, one more mission oriented, the other interested almost entirely on experimenting with different forms of torture on the victims. The former, over the weeks between kills, had started dating one of the local detectives, neither of them knowing of the other's involvement in the case. You were there when that information came to light at the killer's arrest, and you were able to diffuse the situation, ensuring that no one was harmed.

On the flight back, Prentiss insisted on the whole team going out for drinks to welcome you to the team. Hotchner declined, because he needed to get back to Jack, and Rossi said he had "plans with Tony Bennett", but everyone else agreed, mostly enthusiastically. It took significant persuasion from JJ to get Reid to agree to go out with you all. For the whole case, he was abrupt and distant with you, despite your best efforts. You knew it was silly, but you really wanted your coworkers to like you, so you decided you were going to do your absolute best to get him to like you by the end of the night.

"Hey, doc, first round's on me. What'll it be?" You'd noticed during the case that he shrugged off all of your attempts to start a conversation, but you figured that even he wouldn't ignore you under these circumstances.

"Uh, white wine would be great, thanks."

"White wine? At a dive bar? Does this bar even have white wine?" You'd intended to be charming, but, seriously, white wine? Who was this guy?

He opened his mouth, clearly indignant, but he was interrupted by Morgan chuckling from behind you both.

"That's why we go to this dump, newbie. It's the only bar in the area that serves white wine, which is all Pretty Boy here drinks." He winked at you and playfully elbowed Reid in the ribs.

You threw your hands up in mock surrender and chuckled. "Okay, okay, white wine for the good doctor it is. What's your poison? I'm sure word's gotten around that the first round is on me."

"You know, I might have heard something about that, and I most definitely wouldn't say no to a dirty martini." He winked at you, and your chuckle turned into full-on laughter.

You got the bartender's attention and ordered their drinks and a Jack and Coke for yourself. "It's a damn shame you're straight, Derek. Truly a crime against queer men everywhere, although I'm not so proud I can't admit that I'm a bit glad you're not competition."

"Wait wait wait, how do you know I don't like a little meat on the side?"

"So, sidestepping the fact that not all men have penises and some women do, you are so hetero that it's almost painful. Look around; men of all shapes and sizes outnumber women 2 to 1 at least. But you've spent the whole night making eyes at those women over there." You pointed to a table on the other side of the room. "Plus, I may or may not have received a very detailed string of texts from Penelope that essentially amounted to a crash course on all of y'all. I get a feeling that she might like me a little bit."

"My bad on the meat comment- I'll definitely fix that. And speaking of Penelope being a font of information, she's been uncharacteristically tight-lipped about you. What's your big secret, new guy?"

You raised an eyebrow and sipped your drink. "All you need to know is that Hotch, who strikes me as even more protective of this team than he lets on, which is really saying something, knows, and he cares less than any brass I've ever met. And I know for a fact that if Penelope thought it was concerning, she'd have at least voiced some suspicions about me, if not told you outright. I'm not ashamed of it, it's just none of y'alls business. Anyway, the blonde from the table you were eyeing earlier is coming over to see if we've been flirting this whole time so she knows whether to flirt with you or gush about how she's always wanted a Gay Best Friend oh my god. If I'm still here, it'll be both, and I'm allergic to that particular brand of cishet nonsense. Have fun, good-lookin'." You chuckled and patted him on the shoulder as you left, and out of the corner of your eye, you saw Reid roll his eyes, down his drink, and walk in the other direction. What is his deal? Whatever. I'm not about to let him wet blanket all over tonight. You took out your phone and sent out a couple of quick texts.

[To: Penelope]: Thank you for not outing me. It means the world to me. Let's get brunch sometime?

[To: Nerd <3]: you sure Reid seemed pleasant when he lectured? that has Not been my experience with him so far. you were right about him being Cute cute, though, damn. a Gay could get lost in those big brown eyes, and in different circumstances I'd climb him like a tree. shame he's Like That lmao

Looking up from your phone, you saw Emily and JJ nearby, so you went over to join them.

"Oh em gee Y/N you're gay? I had, like, no idea! We should, like, totally get brunch and then go shopping! This is gonna be so much fun; I've always wanted a gay best friend!" You rolled your eyes and laughed at Emily's terrible Valley Girl accent. "Unfortunately, I did not spend my time in the closet learning anything about clothes. I only dress halfway decently for work because my friend dragged me to the mall and updated my wardrobe when I applied for this position. It's all xir doing."

"Well, xe has excellent taste." You mentally filed away JJ's effortless use of neopronouns.

"I'll be sure to let xem know! I'm so down for brunch, though." You checked your phone. "Looks like Garcia is too!"

"Damn, you work fast. You'll fit right in here," Emily laughed.

"Honestly, I'm a little bit blown away by how awesome and welcoming you all are. Well, mostly. Is Spencer like this with every new person, or did I somehow do something to offend him?" Emily and JJ shared a look you couldn't quite read before JJ answered.

"Spencer…" she hesitated, "He's going through something right now. I'm sure he'll figure it out soon, and things will smooth out."

So you waited. Weeks passed, and you fit in well with the team. You ended up getting close to Derek and Penelope in particular, and you kept trying to make nice with Spencer. Weeks of cold shoulder and as few words as possible to you while being his normal, verbose self with everyone else. So, three weeks into your new job, on a night out with Derek and Penelope you made a decision.

"Look. It's been weeks, and the guy still won't say more than 5 words to me. I'm done trying to… I don't know what I was even trying to do," you slurred, you’d probably had one drink too many. "Make a friend, maybe? I don't even know. But I'm done. He wants to give taciturn bordering on rude? Then that's what he'll receive. Let's see how Pretty Boy likes a taste of his own medicine. No more Mister Nice Guy." You wouldn't remember the look they shared until much later.

And so, your silent war with Spencer truly began.

#spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x male reader #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #dr spencer reid #spencer reid #otp: pretty boys

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i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend · 4 years ago

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Carnival of Hearts (Part 1/6) ~ Bucky x Reader College!AU

A/N: Hello my lovelies! I hope you’re all doing well and staying safe. I’m here with a new series because I have no self control. If you’ve been here for a while then you know this is my typical behavior but if you’re new my apologies. Good news, I do have specific plans on what I’m tackling, so hopefully things will happen soon. But I do have a lot of (good thankfully) things going on in my family life so it’s a bit chaotic.

This is my entry for @buckysknifecollection ‘s 3k Follower Challenge. Congrats on the milestone lovely! Go check out the blog. Personal fave is Hush (a must read if you’re into soft!Biker!Bucky)

Prompt: Our friends set us up on this carnival date but we’re both pining after someone else and this a bit awkward

Summary: When you’re set up on a carnival date with Bucky Barnes NOTHING turns out the way you expected.

Rating: T

Warnings: Language

Word count: 1074

“I have found you the perfect guy,” Nat announced as she flounced into your room.

“Oh joy, oh happy day. I shan’t die unwed,” you deadpanned without looking up from your book.

You squawked indignantly when she flicked your ear and yanked your book away from you.

“What the hell? I was reading.”

“I’m serious,” she huffed. “I had lunch with Wanda today and she mentioned that she has a friend she thinks would be perfect for you, and after scoping him out I have to agree.”

“Wonderful. Can I have my book back now?”

“His name is Bucky,”

“Someone actually named their kid Bucky?”

“It’s a nickname. And he’s a sweetheart,” she continued, ignoring you. “He’s a linguistics major. Minor in creative writing. You’re really gonna like him.”

“I’m sure I would if I were actually going to go out with him.”

“Oh come on. You haven’t been on a date in over a year.”

“Which should have been your first clue that I didn’t want to get set up. I’m enjoying single life. Thanks ever so much.”

You plucked the book from her hands and rolled over onto your back, trying to find your page.

“Sitting here pining over your best friend is not enjoying single life.”

“Number one, I’m lying down. And number two, I’m not pining over you. Though you certainly are a sight for sore eyes.”

You batted your eyelashes at her flirtatiously. She rolled her eyes and took your book again only to swat you with it.

“Cute. You know that’s not which best friend I’m talking about.”

You sighed and sat up, moving back against the headboard, slightly out of reach.

“I’m not pining over Steve either.”

Your arms crossed tightly over your chest weren’t very convincing.

“Y/n, you know I love you and I just want what’s best for you, right?”

“Yes.”

“Then just trust me and go on a date with Bucky. He’s exactly what you need.”

You sighed.

“You’re not going to let this go. Are you?”

Her smile was triumphant.

“Nope. And I’ve made it as easy as possible for you. He’s going to be your date to the carnival.”

“But Steve and I are going to the carnival together.”

It was tradition. It was not a date.

Unfortunately.

“Not until after Steve finishes volunteering. This is the deal. You, me, Wanda, and Bucky all meet. If you hate him immediately I’ll let you bail. But otherwise you hang out for a few hours; we’ll all meet up for lunch. And then you can spend the rest of the night with Steve. Deal?”

You mulled it over. It wasn’t the worst deal. Your date would have a set end point if it wasn’t going well. And if it did go well you had a buddy to go on rides with while Steve was working.

“And I promise not to set you up again for a month,” she added.

“For the semester,” you countered.

“Fine. Deal.”

“Deal.”

You shook on it.

“Excellent. I’ll tell Wanda to give him your number.”

“Buck, you home?” Wanda called as she let herself into the apartment.

“In my room,” he shouted back.

Picking up a few stray papers, Wanda stacked them neatly on the coffee table before heading down the hall towards Bucky’s room. He was hunched over, scrawling in a notebook.

“Academic or inspired?” she mused.

“A little of both. I really liked the flash fiction prompt we got in class today.”

“What was it?”

“Everyday romance.”

“What’s your story about?”

She smiled fondly at the shy excitement blossoming on his face.

“It’s kinda weird.”

“I’m sure it’s not.”

“It’s a series of descriptions of everyday items, but the descriptions are the way it’s special. Like: coffee in a novelty mug purchased at gift shop in Hawaii. The brew was set seven minutes ago with two teaspoons of sugar. Just the way he liked it,” he read aloud.

“That’s really sweet. You really do have a way with words.”

Bucky beamed.

“Thanks. So what brings you over?”

She perched on his desk, legs swinging back and forth.

“I have found the perfect girl for you.”

He rolled his eyes before she finished speaking.

“Wanda, I don’t need you to set me up.”

“Buck, you should be out experiencing love instead of only writing about it.”

“I’m just not looking for someone right now.”

“Then how come you went on a shitty date with Dot last weekend?”

“It wasn’t a date. We just went to dinner.”

“On a Saturday night in Little Italy.”

“She just wanted to thank me for my help with her paper.”

She leveled him with her stare.

“You don’t actually believe that do you?”

He silently met her gaze before crumpling.

“Okay, no. So it was a date, but it was enough of a failure for me to not want to do it again any time soon.”

“Or you can go out with the very sweet girl I’ve picked out for you.”

“How do you even know her?”

Wanda smirked, knowing that if he was asking he would likely agree to it.

“I don’t personally. She’s Nat’s best friend.”

Bucky’s brow disappeared into his hairline.

“Mainlines vodka and coffee and still has a 4.0 Nat?”

“Yup. That’s the one.”

“Not exactly my type.”

“Well, she’s the opposite of Nat so that works perfectly.”

He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Why are you forcing this, Wan?”

“Because you deserve to be happy and I can’t watch you go on another shitty date. Although that’s a lot better than pining I suppose.”

“Fine,” he conceded, not wanting to argue that particular point.

He never won that argument.

“Give me her number. I’ll set something up.”

She plucked a card from the front pocket of her purse and handed it to him.

“Here you go. But the date’s already set up. You two are going to the carnival together.”

“That’s in two days.”

“Do you need more time to fix your hair?”

“Wanda,” he growled.

“I’m teasing. Relax. We were going anyway. Look, it’s super low pressure this way. You meet her in the afternoon and if it doesn’t work out, you say goodbye when we meet up for lunch. I will give you a built in out.”

“Promise?”

She smiled warmly at his innocent pout.

“Cross my heart.”

“Alright. Fine.”

“Great. You’re gonna love her. I promise she’s exactly what you need.”

A/N: This one is gonna be fun. Hoping to finish and have it queued to post regularly soon, but wanted to get this part out there. I hope you enjoyed!

Tag list is open (please send an ask)

Bucky/Sebastian Tag List

@waywardpumpkin @sadanddeadsoul @captain-maaarvel @caylast @isaxhorror @run-your-cleverboy @ria132love @mbsgr @hereisanapplepie @pierrxt-uta @thejourneyneverendsx @stevieboyharrington @catsandbooksinafarawayplace @mywinterwolf @andreagf956 @jendz33

Marvel Tag List

@hdthdthdt @sophiatomlinson23 @misty-panther @supermusicallee @scarlettsoldier @acupofhotlatte @slender--spirit @petitesmate @libbymouse

Permanent Tag List

@iamwarrenspeace @jayzayy @bexboo616 @neoqueen306 @santheweird @rowenaravencalw @buckitybarnes @prxttybirdz @sergeantjbuckybarnes @captainsamwlsn @broitsmydick @ailynalonso15 @nyxveracity @queenoftrash97 @walkingtravesty97 @lamia-maizat @memyselfandmaddox @lowkeybuckyb @whiskey2011 @averyrogers83 @lovingpeterparker @buckybarneshairpullingkink @beansparker @coralphantomninja @xxashy999xx @thisismysecrethappyplace @ravennightingaleandavatempus @paintballkid711 @whosmarisaaarw @silverkitten547 @yknott81 @thefridgeismybestie @crispy-kitten @isabelcrichards @greyeyedsmile14 @loving-life-my-way @geeksareunique @rachelsficcollections @captainscanadian @palaiasaurus64 @sea040561

#Bucky x Reader #College!AU #buckysknifecollectionchallenge #Bucky Barnes x Reader #Bucky Barnes #Carnival of Hearts

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nissakii · 3 years ago

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Scent. a Haikyu!! Fanfiction pt.16

[want to read all chapters right now? Our fanfictions get updated every monday on our blog, click here to continue reading!]

“Why don’t you tell me something about omegas and how you react to them”. The phrasing maybe wasn’t that ambiguous, but the words were spat out with poisonous intention. Words that should enter your head and linger for a while not until one realizes they consume you. At least that was my intention on that day. I’ve heard enough times that those kinds of mind games were allegedly ‘horrible’ and ‘insulting’, but I never understood what the big deal was. It’s not like I’m taking away a toy from a child. We are all adults here, and life isn’t about who is the nicest. It’s about who succeeds. And if some little mind game is what gives me the head start. I’ll do it. Albeit possibly that I lost my chances to be friends with Oikawa, I must admit my words to him were pretty harsh, I felt like he took it well. Which isn’t good. He wasn’t fazed by it at all, I had noticed his smile maybe twitching a little but he only retorted with a smart explanation of how natural pheromones worked and made me look like an idiot country bumpkin. I still remembered his smile as he asked me if I understood what he meant, and maybe I was just angrier than usual but I could swear he was being all smug about it too. So I found someone who was willing to play the same game as me. Hm. The other interesting thing on that day, which keeps replaying in my head, was that omega girl. It was honestly shocking to scent an omega for the first time. My curiosity ran with it and I was glad she was fine with me being so close, I have heard stories in which omegas retorted with less ‘accommodating’ ways. I even caught her gaze after a lecture of mine, but she didn’t budge and I wasn’t up for conversation. Still, the way she looked at me after coming for Oikawa was insane. She didn’t yell or tried to fight me, she didn’t shy away either. She just looked at me. And it was terrifying. Her eyes were piercing through me as if to provoke me to continue, her scent had doubled up in intensity which I wasn’t expecting at all, and her sweet caramel scent suddenly burnt to crisp. Her voice was sharp but not too emotional, it was distinct for me to listen to. “I would ask you to mind your own business”. Stone cold, I gotta say. It made me take a step back and raise my arms in defense with a smile and the situation immediately deescalated, Oikawa had caught her scent and was just as aggravated and I realised the rumours I had heard were partly true, but the incident seemed a lot more severe than I had imagined. I mean it was the first thing I heard when I came here, it was on social media and every other first year told me the same thing. “It’s good you’re an alpha, the rest don’t have it easy here”. Maybe I really shouldn’t have meddled too much, it’s still a school I really wanted to go to and Osamu is here as well, so I really shouldn’t destroy my own chances that much. The caramel girl was technically right, I should mind my own business. But was that fun? Nah. The door creaked open as what I would assume could only be my brother entered the dorm room I was in. “Samu!”, I chimed excitedly. … I only pushed in the door a little bit and already heard my brother squeak my name. “Samu!”, he chimed and I entered the dorm with a greeting. “Ossu”, I placed the plastic bag with some utensils I needed for my classes on my bed and looked at Atsumu sprawled on his side. The dorm room we were given was actually quite small. I was used to having a bit more space to myself, but with the scholarship I was glad I atleast got a twin room with my brother. Although when I looked at him I sometimes thought differently. The two beds were pushed to the far end of the room and to the walls on the sides, a desk separating the space in between. In front of Atsumu’s bed, which was the one on the right, the other desk was situated which was supposed to be mine. I remember when we moved in here the dorm looked horrendous, but with enough cleaning and the right duvets and covers it felt a lot better. And of course my side was a lot neater than his. “S’that my

shirt?”, I recognized the pattern on the front and he merely scoffed at me. “Uh, no?” “Really?” “Uh”, he intelligently mused to himself and I sighed. “Nevermind, you take what ya want anyways. Make sure to wash it later, I gotta head to the library”, I left the bag with the supplies on my bed and instead fished out a list with the literature I had to get. “Alright, see ya” “See ya”, I retorted and headed back outside. I grabbed the list in my hands and tried to check which building I had to go to. “Why are there multiple libraries?” Linguistics? Human sciences? Okay I definitely don’t have to go to the law department. With at least twenty minutes of running around campus I finally went up to someone outside and asked for help. “Oh yeah that’s pretty confusing I guess, uh so you need to search for building 4, the library should be the glass building right next to it!” Nodding and bowing with a slight smile I made my way to the mentioned building. The way over there was very pretty, the pathways went under huge trees and the ambiance felt really good, but I had no time to walk around exploring. Finally, I looked at the beautiful building in front of me. Still belonging to the campus, but it was obvious that it was either newly built or otherwise rebranded. The walls showed a tinted version of the life inside, the higher stories dimly shining in a warm light. I approached the entrance and two huge doors slid open when I wanted to step inside. Murmuring was to be heard everywhere, and for the fact that it was a library I was a little shocked at the rumbling noise. As if I was entering a mall, tall metal gates that I had to go through demanded my student ID. I saw other students move swiftly between the poles and swish their ID quickly at a screen and I tried to emulate the gesture, completely overwhelmed with all of the technology. With I beep the gates opened and I stood still to admire the interior of the building. Standing in the middle, and elevator right in front of me lead to the different levels of the library. When I looked to the right I saw a reception and an information center, and to the left the toilets and another gate leading to a cafeteria where to be found. Stepping into the elevator I looked at the signs that signalled me which level I had to go to and I pressed the button. Floor 7 out of 12. This crap is huge! More and more students entered and left the elevator again, stopping at every floor to change its inhabitants. After some minor bumps in the road, I finally got to my desired floor. When the metal doors opened, I finally felt the silence. Shelves and more shelves of book were to be seen, students rummaging through them to find what they were looking for. Maybe it was the fact that the library was so huge, but i didn’t see too many people here. Looking up at a sign that read “Arts and human sciences” I knew I was at the right place. Walking inside I started to look for my books. Big mistake. The labels on the books were highly confusing, and I had no idea where to look. I peered at my list again. Introduction into Culinary Arts vol.1 – [1998-TR-CA-54] Huh? What about the good old alphabetization? I had no idea what those codes meant, and after only finding books on history and other weird subjects, I had to check for help. I went back to the entrance of the library and followed the arrow sign that said ‘reception’ until I found a desk with a young woman sitting behind it. She was focused on her laptop, quickly typing away as I approached her. “Hi”, I whispered and she shot up in her seat. “Oh, sorry, uhm can you help me find these books please?”, I whispered again as she visibly relaxed and smiled lightly. “Yeah, sorry I’m a bit jumpy today. What books are you looking for? Wanna read them here or rent them?”, she asked in a hushed voice and I realised I didn’t have to whisper all too much. “Rent please, but I have no idea where to find these. The codes are really weird”. She stood up from her stool and walked around the desk towards me. “Are you new

here? The codes are confusing at first but you’ll get used to it”. I nodded and handed her my list, and she concentrated on that for a moment before showing me something. “See that code? It’s made so you can narrow your search. [1998-TR-CA-54] means you look for the shelf number 54, then for CA which stands for culinary arts, then the authors initials which are ‘Tatum Rebecca’ and then the release year 1998”, her fingers pointed on each letter combination and then to the shelves around us. Puzzled, I still looked at the myriad of shelves in front of me and she must’ve caught my expression because she stifled a laugh and took a step towards the shelves. “Want me to help you?” I nodded and she replied with a hum as she started walking. “The library gets a little confusing at first”, she mused as I walked next to her, “I think I might’ve seen you on a library tour before? Are you new?” I nodded, “I just moved here, so everything is a little weird to me still”. Her eyes crinkled shut as she stifled another laugh and suddenly looked a bit taken aback, she looked to the floor and back up at me but not fully, “Yeah I felt the same when I came here for my first semester”. She turned around to face me and I looked down at her nameplate. Asami. Beta Committee. I pointed at the name plate with a cocked brow, “so you’re a beta?” She stopped in her tracks and gave me a look. “Uh yeah, I am”, she followed my gaze and suddenly started talking really fast, “Oh my god! I didn’t even introduce myself. You’re new you must be taking everything in still!” “It’s fine, I mean I saw it on your nameplate. Is Asami okay?”, I inquired and she nodded lightly with a shy smile. “I’m Osamu Miya, nice to meet you”, I slightly nodded my head as well and she beckoned me closer to follow her. As she walked through the shelves and pathways she explained more about the library. There were way too many faculties and abbreviations to remember, but luckily they hung up a lot of flyers that showed which abbreviations stood for which topic. I only needed a couple of these, but after finding the first two books my head started to buzz with all the information. “And here you have the department of culinary arts, its quite remote from the rest of the library but I guess you’ll have your peace and quiet here!”, Asami chimed happily, her voice raising a little bit as there were almost no students here. It was actually quiet nice to have no background noise. It reminded me of home, when I walked to school and I left a sleeping Atsumu behind. The breeze catching my face as I made my way to school. I hummed and looked around to locate the last books on my list. For my business and economics classes we had already found the book I needed, well Asami found them, but this time I tried to get the book on my own. Walking towards the shelves before the beta could even move, I already found the correct number out of sheer luck and started to check for the right letter combinations. I felt Asami roaming behind me, I could smell her rosey scent behind my form but she didn’t budge. “Ah”, I exclaimed as I pulled out the book I needed with a little too much excitement. She clapped quietly and nodded proudly. “You caught on really quickly! We could use a bit of help from someone like you in the committee!” “The beta committee?”, I asked with my index finger pointing to her name tag again. “Yeah! We always have a place for new students, and you could even work here in the library”, she concluded and I smiled a little. “Well I am flattered I guess, but I am not a beta”. She staggered for a moment and looked at me confused, until I saw her nostrils flare up and she held her hand to mouth as she realized her mistake. “Uh, uhm I- I’m sorry I-“, she started stuttering and I cut her off with a relaxed shake of my head. “No worries, I actually get that a lot”. “Ugh, no it’s not fine, I shouldn’t have assumed your secondary gender that so weird”, she slumped a little and took a step back, her eyes not even reaching my face anymore. “It’s no big deal, I get

this often even at home. People think my scent is a bit more subdued so” She nodded but still looked away, a weird silence brooding between us now. It’s really not that big of a deal though. “Oi!”, hushed yell came from the door and we both looked towards it to find a lean man leaning onto it. “The reception was empty, what are you doing?” “Oh, no”, the beta mused and clasped her hands together anxiously before looking back at me, still more distant than at the beginning of our conversation. “I’m sorry, that’s Akaashi I have to go back to the reception!”, and she turned around to meet the other guy before I could say anything. She was so jittery all of a sudden. “Uh, yeah”, I mumbled back as I watched her interact with said Akaashi, before I turned back to my list. They both left soon after that, and I was left alone in the silence of the shelves trying to find the few books I had left. After a couple of minutes and endless shuffling, I counted off my list and stopped with a satisfied huff when I realized I had everything I needed. The books were actually quite bothersome to carry, so I snagged one of the book trolleys that were laid out to help with transporting the literature and leisurely pushed it next to me as I approached the reception again. This time, there were a couple of students standing around the computer, and I curiously walked closer. “No way, I can’t take Thursday. I have extracurriculars there!”, another male beta I assumed argued with Asami who was typing frantically on her computer. “Well I don’t have any other slot for you, I’m sorry. It’s either Thursday for you or Akaashi, and Akaashi is already taking Friday this time”, she mumbled a bit more annoyed than I expected. She really was different when calm. I already released when she assumed I was a beta that she felt comfortable, but when she suddenly drew back I felt her environment must be very precise for her to relax. Good thing Tsumu isn’t here. “I can take both days”, Akaashi mumbled, and I took another step and cleared my throat to interrupt. “Sorry, can I just check these out?”, I asked and Akaashi immediately nodded and typed up something into the computer even though Asami was still sitting in front of it. As a result she retreated into herself with a squeal and grumbled when Akaashi slightly pushed away her swivel chair. “Can you give me the books you wanna take with you?”, the aloof beta asked politely and I pushed the books towards him. As he scanned every item on the list, I felt the eyes of the other male beta on me. I wasn’t sure if I had seen him before somewhere, but he looked at me with slanted eyes before scrunching his nose and inhaling my scent. He suddenly calmed down a lot and even smiled a little, as if his cause for concern was suddenly gone. “You’re new here aren’t you? What’s your name hm?”, he tilted his head and leaned forward on the counter. “Uh, yeah. I’m Osamu Miya, nice to meet you”, I prompted back and the beta nodded, like he was pleased with the answer. “Any interest in joining the beta committee? It’s very-” Asami nudged his arm and furiously shook her head to signal something and I couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. Is it really that ambiguous? “What Asami? I’m trying to recruit fresh meat here! We need the help!” “Actually I am not a beta. I’m an alpha”, I retorted lamely, and I felt a twinge of surprise when Asami’s eyes shot up to me in fear. “What is it?”, I asked and felt annoyance crumbling up slightly. “Oh”, the beta I was talking to shot back with venom in his voice and Akaashi only sighed while typing in codes for the books,” and alpha are you?” I nodded with scrunched eyebrows. What is he getting at? “Well, then you can leave”, she kissed his teeth and looked to the side as if disgusted. “Futakuchi! You can’t say that! It’s borderline discrimination at this point!”, Asami pulled at the guys sweater and he broke away but kept looking at her as he spoke. “No way! We have enough alpha’s strolling around terrorizing us! What about us hm?!” “Don’t mind him. He’s very”,

Akaashi looked at Futakuchi and then back at me with disdain written in his features, “passionate”. “It’s about beta’s not getting the recognition they deserve! Beta supremacy!”, he whisper yelled at Asami who only sank her head into her hands. Beta supremacy? Somehow that didn’t feel right to me. Personally I didn’t take much care into being an alpha, the whole secondary gender thing wasn’t of much interest anyways. I generall talk to the people I wanna talk to, and when it comes to more serious relationships, I tend to not have a type. Although most Alpha’s go for omegas and vice versa, and most beta’s tend to stay in their own bubble, I felt it was almost restricting to think about that when choosing somebody. “Pay them no mind please”, Akaashi pushed the rented books towards me and I pulled them towards the small trolley with a nod. “You can take that one to your dorm, but please bring it back as soon as you can”, the calm beta continued and I thanked him with another nod. That Futakuchi guy still kept on glaring at me, while Asami swatted at his arm when she realised I stared too. “Yeah I’ll bring it over later, thank you”, I looked at the beta girl until she finally looked back and thanked her as well. She nodded and I turned around to get back to the dorm. My phone buzzed before I could even start moving and I checked my text messages. Tsumu: bring me pudding pls? You’re insufferable… Tsumu: thx o3o With a sigh I pushed the phone back into my jeans pocket and left the library behind.

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skelebonecentral · 4 years ago

Text

Hothouse Rose chapter 2

more with the skele sweeties (lust boys show up next chapter i promise)

words under the cut

Sans…felt better.

Therapy worked, who knew? Well, Toriel had been telling him to go, Alphys had, too, and he finally listened because he just couldn’t lose Papyrus.

The therapist was nice, he’d done a lot of research before choosing one, and they listened. He wasn’t usually as talkative, but if you don’t talk to a therapist, they can’t help. So he talked.

About losing their dad, about raising Papyrus by himself, about running six jobs just to keep the rent on the house up and let Papyrus continue training for the guard. About feeling de ja vu for months at a time and not being able to fix the machine that would maybe bring their dad back and having the burden of knowing he had the knowledge to help others but was so incompetent he couldn’t. Then there was acting as the Judge of the underground. That was a whole other thing that he hadn’t even told Papyrus about.

But it felt good to finally spill all the secrets that had weighed him down, especially knowing that nobody else would be told. He had more energy now, since he didn’t spend as much time on worrying. Well, that and the medication. A lot of healers from the underground had started working with humans to develop medicines that would be effective for monster patients, and he was using one of them. It was a real relief, not feeling like a weight was sitting on his head all day, or that he was the only one trying to help anybody.

Of course, having more energy made him work harder on things. His various jobs, his jokes, and working on the machine. It was actually nearly done, just needed testing, and it sparked a hope in Sans for the first time in a long time. Maybe he could do this. Maybe, now that his head wasn’t clogged with negative thoughts about the world and himself, he could fix this thing and bring back his dad. Would he be proud? Angry? He didn’t know.

He also didn’t realize the machine was in the ‘on’ state when he first plugged it in, and thus was utterly shocked when it sputtered and whirred to life…before violently exploding.

---

Normally, you’d be so happy about moving into a proper house this semester, and for the first few days, you had been.

But normally was not what was happening right now. Papyrus didn’t come to class for two weeks, and you were very worried.

You knew, from his texts, that he was okay, but it really didn’t make sense what he was saying.

“PLEASE GET MY WORK FROM CLASS FOR A FEW DAYS? SOMETHING VERY LARGE HAS HAPPENED.”

“HELP ME, PLEASE, THEY ARE ALL DRIVING ME UP THE WALL. LITERALLY, I AM USING BLUE MAGIC TO CLING TO THE CEILING AT THIS POINT TO GET AWAY FROM THEM ALL.”

“I HAVE TO MOVE HOUSE. WELL, TO BE ACCURATE, I HAVE TO MOVE MY STUFF TO A NEW HOUSE.”

Those were just some examples of the things he’d sent you, and you had been gathering the information for him on what had gone on during each of his missed lectures (at least the ones you had with him). Still, it was not like Papyrus to miss school, at all.

But at least your classes were not harsh on attendance as long as work got done, and Papyrus had been sending all his assignments in.

Finally, after almost another full week, you get a phone call, “Y/N! FINALLY! I’LL BE IN SCHOOL TOMORROW.”

“Thank goodness. What happened? I couldn’t piece it together from your messages,” you ask, very concerned.

“OH. WELL, IN SHORT, MY COUSINS APPEARED OUT OF THIN AIR AND ARE NOW LIVING WITH US. THAT’S WHY SANS AND I HAD TO MOVE, OUR HOUSE WAS GOING TO EXPLODE. THERE WERE ONLY THE TWO OF US, AND TWO TURNED INTO EIGHT, SO WE MOVED! WE’RE STILL CLOSE ENOUGH THAT IT’S NO TROUBLE FOR ME TO RUN TO SCHOOL, BUT WE’RE OVER IN THE…WELL, MY COUSIN SPICE CALLED IT ‘FANCY TOWN’.”

“You mean that edition on the west side with all the weird mansions?”

“YES! WE’RE IN A WEIRD MANSION THAT LOOKS LIKE A FRAT HOUSE. BIG COLUMNS, BRICK FRONT, COLONIAL LOOKING.”

“Okay. Wow, yeah, family emergency makes a lot of sense now that you say that. I’m just glad you weren’t sick or something, Papy. I’d be so lost without you.” You feel your face heat up saying it out loud, but it was true. These three weeks had been torment without his bubbly commentary and gentle pushing to do better. Everything had seemed very empty without Papyrus around.

“Y/N, MY DEAREST FRIEND, I DO SECOND THAT, BUT ABOUT YOU!” you could hear him clicking a pen over and over on the other side of the line, and that told you he was anxious, “IT’S BEEN SO HARD TO KEEP MY PATIENCE WITH MY COUSINS WITHOUT THE BREAK GOING TO CLASS AND BEING WITH YOU GIVES ME. YOU JUST GET ME WITHOUT EVEN THINKING ABOUT IT. MAYBE…MAYBE I CAN COME OVER AND WE CAN DO THAT ALIEN WARLORDS OF JUSTICE MARATHON THIS WEEKEND?”

“Consider it done, Papyrus, I have missed you far too much to ever say no to a famous Papyrus sleepover. Do you want me to invite Frisk, too?” You just wanted to be with him again, no matter what form that took.

“YES! BUT ALSO NO. I THINK I WANT SOME ADULT TO ADULT TALKING TIME AWAY FROM THIS MAD HOUSE MORE THAN I WANT SILLY FRIENDSHIP DOODLES OR SOMETHING. I WANT TO RELAX, AND NOT WORRY ABOUT MISS TORIEL BEING ANGRY IF I MESS UP.”

Aw, Papyrus, the sweetheart. “Then just us, the show, and some popcorn and soda and maybe candy? Sound good?”

“I AM ALMOST CRYING I’M SO READY! I’LL SEE YOU TOMORROW?”

“Without a doubt,” you giggle, “Love you, Papy.”

“I LOVE YOU, TOO! BYE BYE!”

It felt good to say it out loud. You loved Papyrus, that was not in argument at all, and hadn’t been since the incident with Sans. It’d been more than six months now since then, and you’d actually gotten on good terms with the other brother. You’d hear his deep voice mumble something over the phone on occasion and Papyrus would begrudgingly tell you what Sans had said, and when you did occasionally run into Sans at one of his odd jobs (or on campus coming out of the science building) you’d engage in small talk and your mutual admiration of Papyrus.

You weren’t afraid of the little guy anymore (he was just as tall as you, but much smaller than Papyrus so he seemed small) and would actually tentatively say you were friends. You had his number now and occasionally would get jokes texted to you specifically about language. He seemed to have remembered you were in linguistics, and was making the effort to connect on that. You’d send him back gifs of skeletons doing weird things, and that seemed to go over well.

So now you weren’t surprised when you got a text.

Punny bones: no matter how kind you are, german kids will always be kinder.

You laugh and text back.

You: so I guess papy told you about the sleepover?

Punny bones: yeah. he yelled so loud everybody in the house heard him. did he tell u about the cousins?

You: just that they’re driving him crazy and he wants some time away. Hence accepting his idea about the sleepover.

Punny bones: heh. He needs it. hard to compress eight different personalities into one house, so this is good for him. remember to lock the door, though? plz?

You: 😊 yes sans~

It had really surprised you when he’d started ending his texts to you asking you to be safe and reminding you of small things, like smoke detectors and door screws. He had stopped being afraid OF you and started being afraid FOR you. It was kind of nice, even if you didn’t quite know what had happened in his mind to flip that switch.

He still would apologize to you on occasion for his initial behavior, and you had told him you’d forgiven him. You had, of course, because you realized you thought about doing a very similar thing when you found out some human child you didn’t know had started making friends with Frisk. To be fair, it’s because you’d seen their parents and they were rich, making them very suspicious to you, but it helped you realize Sans’ actions weren’t THAT outside the realm of normal thought.

Still, that was Sans. Your thoughts were more toward Papyrus at the moment.

You gave Papyrus a bear hug when you saw him the next day, and pretty much every morning thereafter until the weekend. This would be his first sleepover in your new house, and your plant-crazy roomie was out on a research trip.

“YES! WE WILL WATCH OUR WONDERFUL SHOW ON YOUR COOL TV AND RECONNECT PROPERLY!” he cooed as he set up his sleeping bag in the living room. “AH, I CAN’T EVEN TELL YOU HOW MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE I AM ALREADY JUST KNOWING I CAN SLEEP WITHOUT SIX OF MY COUSINS MAKING NOISE AT ALL HOURS!”

“Isn’t that all of your cousins?”

“YES!”

Ah you’d missed his jokes while he was gone. “Anyway, what do you want for dinner? We making it together or you want me to surprise you?”

“PLEASE LET ME MAKE IT WITH YOU! AND I’D LIKE SOME SIMPLE, HOME MADE SOMETHING OR OTHER. I’M SO TIRED OF THE TAKE OUT WE’VE BEEN EATING NONSTOP JUST TO KEEP US ALL FROM FIGHTING OVER WHO IS COOKING.” He did look tired, which was unusual for Papyrus, but you knew he’d perk up after a break.

“Okay, how about French bread pizza? I made the sauce for it yesterday since I knew you’d be over,” you headed to the kitchen and Papyrus followed, pulling his apron out of his inventory. It was pink and said “My kitchen, my rules” on the front in white letters.

“PERFECT! I WILL ASSIST YOU IN CUTTING UP THE TOPPINGS!” He had gotten a lot better at cooking since the two of you had first become friends, and now you more than trusted Papyrus to not turn your ingredients into confetti.

The evening was golden, just the two of you cheering for your favorite show, exchanging theories and popcorn, and diving into the lore on the internet afterward, in your room.

It was getting late, and you yawned, but didn’t move. You just…you wanted to stay up with Papyrus. You’d missed him so badly and it felt like you were being cheated out of time with him if you went to sleep.

But he noticed, as he always did, and asked, “FRIEND, YOU’RE TIRED. GO TO BED AND I WILL BE MORE THAN HAPPY ON MY OWN. I WANT TO EXPLORE YOUR NEW HOUSE.”

Running on fumes as you were, your next thought left your mouth before you could really think about it, “Only if you stay with me till I’m asleep.”

Papyrus looked at you a moment, a slow creep of orange blush creeping over his cheekbones, then said, “UM…Y/N, I’D BE HAPPY TO, BUT I’D FEEL BETTER IF I SAID SOMETHING FIRST. IS THAT ALRIGHT?”

“Y-yeah, of course.” You got up and sat on your bed, watching as Papyrus sat backwards in the computer chair you’d vacated.

“YOU KNOW, IT’S BEEN A FEW YEARS OF US KNOWING EACH OTHER, AND IT’S BEEN AMAZING.” He smiles but can’t quite look at you, “AND, WELL, IF I’M HONEST WITH MYSELF, AND I ALWAYS TRY TO BE! THEN I HAVE TO SAY I’VE GROWN TO COUNT ON YOU AS A STAPLE IN MY LIFE. YOU’VE HELPED ME FIND AN AVENUE FOR MY PASSIONS, BEEN A WONDERFUL FRIEND, AND HELPED SANS SEE HE NEEDED TO SEE SOMEONE FOR TREATMENT.”

You take his hand when he holds it out, and smile.

“YOU’VE DONE SO MUCH, ALL THESE LITTLE THINGS, AND….AND I’D REALLY LIKE TO ASK IF YOU WANTED TO TRY A GROWN-UP DATE. WITH ME. N-NOT THE CUTE LITTLE TEENAGER DATE I PLAYED AT WITH FRISK, MIND YOU! SO…SO WOULD THAT BE OKAY? US DATING?” He had such a shy, nervous tilt to his smile, and you felt yourself tumble over the edge of affection as you squeezed his hand.

“That sounds fun, Papyrus. I’m very lucky if I get to call you my boyfriend,” you beam as you’re tackled onto the bed by a happy skeleton, hugging him tight as he nuzzles into you.

“NYOOHOOHOO YOU’RE TOO SWEET! MY DATEMATE! MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WORLD! I LOVE YOU!”

His teeth are tickling your neck and you wriggle, “Papyrus! I love you, too, but stooooooop, hahaha! You’re tickling meeeee!”

He gets up a bit and smiles, “SORRY NOT SORRY! BUT YES, NOW WE CAN CUDDLE WHILE YOU FALL ASLEEP AND THEN I WILL EXPLORE YOUR HOUSE WHEN I CAN’T FOLLOW YOU.”

You have to catch your breath, but your cheeks are burning while you scoot under your covers and hold them open for him. He slips in very gingerly and soon you’re bundled up to his chest. He’s warm, as always, and can’t seem to stop his million watt smile. You don’t blame him; it feels like there is a sun in your chest from the pure joy his question had brought to you. Papyrus was everything you’d ever wanted in a friend, and you can’t imagine ever having a life without him in it. It just seemed natural to date him, and clearly he felt the same about you.

Safe and happy, you fall asleep very easily in his arms.

Dating Papyrus was exactly the same as being his friend, except now you’d hold hands a lot more and occasionally he’d nuzzle his teeth to your forehead and go “MWAH!” very loudly.

Sans had texted you the morning after your sleepover.

Punny bones: congrats on being the new datemate

You just stared at it, then looked up at Papyrus (who had made you breakfast) who was blushing, “I’M SORRY! I WAS JUST SO EXCITED THAT I TEXTED HIM AFTER YOU FELL ASLEEP.”

Shaking your head, you’d just sent an emoji of sticking your tongue out to Sans.

Punny bones: aww u r shy~ Punny bones: he told me he was gonna ask you weeks ago. Punny bones: only like 2 days without you and he was ready.

“WHAT IS HE SAYING?!” Papyrus looked over your phone and groaned, and you’d had to nurse his bruised ego a little afterward because his big brother was embarrassing him.

Still, you were both happy that Papyrus was excited, and proud that Sans had bettered his thoughts enough to react positively to this news.

Understandably, you had Papyrus over to your house several more times, mostly to have private movie viewings rather like your first sleepover. It was just more your speed, and his, to have dates just be the two of you doing something fun. Of course, you had a few at Bungle Land, cause who doesn’t like cute clumsy cartoon parrots, and going to see premieres at the theaters or eat at a nice place, but the vast majority of your weekly official dates were spent in your pjs on the sofa with Papyrus curled around your body as you watched movies.

Sometime during your dating, your roommate moved out. She transferred to a college with a better botony program and more specializations for masters’ degrees, so you bid her a fond goodbye and kept in touch by text. Sure, you hadn’t been super close friends, but she’d still been a great roomie and had been all for your relationship with a sweetheart like Papyrus. It hit all those rom-com beats that made you both squeal happily.

He was a very physical person, Papyrus, so you got hugs often and he tended to just like holding you. It made you feel very good, even if sometimes you both ended up getting tangled because he was so long-limbed. Your hair was fascinating to him, and he’d stroke it gently when his hands weren’t otherwise busy.

“YOU ARE SO SOFT ALL OVER. IT’S VERY ATTRACTIVE! I’M JUST GLAD MTT PUT OUT SPECIAL CREAMS TO MAKE MY BONES MORE FLEXIBLE AND TENDER!” He said one night as you both were walking home from a musical at the campus theater.

You laughed, and he squeezed your hand gently, “You don’t need to be softer, Papyrus. I already adore your strong bones and the only part of you that is soft is your heart, and that’s the most perfect kind to have.”

“I DON’T HAVE A HEART THOUGH?” he acted clueless, and you smack his arm gently and get him to giggle as you caught him in his jest. “WELL I DON’T! I GAVE IT TO YOU!”

You gently tug on his scarf and he leans down while you get on your tiptoes, giving him a soft kiss on the teeth that makes him hum wistfully. Then you both flinch back as a siren sounds, a firetruck zooming from a corner nearby and down the street.

Looking up you feel your stomach drop as you see the smoke. “Papy, is that coming from my house?”

He picks you up and starts sprinting after the firetruck, you holding tight to his neck and praying you were wrong. But as the two of you ran up to the front of your house, you saw the fire department spraying water on your blazing home and police cordoning off the area.

“Oh no…” you felt your self start to shake, even as your vision tunneled.

Papyrus holds you tighter and you start sobbing, hiding your face in his shoulder as he murmurs, “It will be alright, Y/n. I’m right here. We’ll figure this out. Do you want to stay at a hotel tonight?”

“I don’t want to be alone,” you wheeze, out of breath from crying already.

“You won’t be.” He did not let you go, not even when the police came to question you two. He handled the answering since you were too broken to speak. Realizing there was nothing you can do to help them, the men leave you two alone, telling you to find a place to stay and they’ll call you when it’s safe for you to pick through the debris.

Papyrus calls Sans as he walks, easily holding you while using his magic to hold the phone close to his skull, “Sans, I’m staying with Y/n tonight. N-no no I’m alright, it’s just that…their house has burned down. No, we were out at the theater, remember? Right. Yes, I’m taking them ther- Oh. Yes, that’s probably best. Thank you, Sans.”

Sans appears and looks frantic, but seeing you both unharmed and soot-less, he relaxes a little, “heya, pal. stars, I’m sorry this happened. let’s use one of my shortcuts to get you to a hotel. long walk otherwise and you need rest.”

Papyrus keeps hold of you as Sans takes you both through a surprisingly short distance to…

“Oh, Mettaton’s hotel,” you manage to say, and Sans smiles up at you, clearly stressed from the tightness in the edges of his grin.

“felix is workin’ tonight, and he won’t ask rude questions. Specially if I’m here. just sit in the chairs and I’ll take care of this. least I can do for ya,” he was really searching your face, looking for any sign of more he could do.

“Thank you, Sans. Really I…I just want to go to bed.”

“that I can do. stay with them, pap?”

Papyrus has walked you into the lobby and sets you delicately in one of the plush magenta chairs inside, “THAT WAS THE PLAN, YES.”

“okay,” Sans gives your hand a supportive squeeze, sighing through his nose a bit, “hang tight, pal.” Sans takes care of everything, and Papyrus stays by you, getting out his handkerchief and drying your face for you. “THERE, DEAREST. WE WILL RELAX TONIGHT AND FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO IN THE MORNING.”

You just nod, leaning into his touch gratefully.

The room is very nice, smelling of make-up and perfume, and the sheets on the single, queen sized bed are soft. You aren’t surprised when there’s two pairs of pajamas lying folded on the bed, after all, this is MTT’s place and he likes his guests to feel “SUPER FABULOUS, darling!”

“OH GOOD,” Papyrus smiles as he takes up one pair, “I WAS WORRIED WHAT WE WOULD SLEEP IN.”

You pick up your set, “I’ll change in the bathroom and you can use this room. I need to shower anyway.”

“TAKE YOUR TIME, LOVE,” he nuzzles you softly, “I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE, JUST TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.”

You kiss his cheekbone and head to the bathroom, running the water and finding your mind focusing on the taps. The temperature gauge has markers for “monster level cold”, “human cold”, “human hot”, and “monster hot”. You smile, turning them to “human hot” and stepping in after shedding your clothes.

The warm water helps ease your body, releasing the tension, but it also lets you sit on the provided ledge and cry. Your home is gone, you don’t know how much of your belongings survived the fire, much less the water, and you don’t know where you’re going to go.

After an unknown amount of time, you hear a knock, “Y/N? IT’S BEEN QUITE A WHILE. ARE YOU ALRIGHT? WELL, AS ALRIGHT AS YOU CAN BE?”

“I’m fine,” you call back. “Just lost track of time. I’ll be out in a moment.”

“OKAY. REMEMBER, I LOVE YOU.”

“I know, thank you,” you really appreciate the reminder. You aren’t alone tonight, and you aren’t unsupported. Papyrus will help you, and make sure things work out for the best. You get your bath quickly, the magic in the soaps helping you feel better before drying off on the warm towels and stepping back into your underwear before putting on the pajamas. It just felt weird to wear clothes without underwear, you don’t know why.

Papyrus is sitting in the bed, smiling at you as you come over in the soft, warm light from the bedside lamp on the near side. Climbing in next to him, you sigh, turning off the light before lying down and snuggling in close.

“You know I will do anything you need me to, correct?” Papyrus asks, whispering.

“I know, Papy. I’m really glad you’re here,” you cling to him, needing the comfort. “I just need you to be with me right now. I’ll tell you if I think of anything else.”

“Of course,” his ribs began to vibrate just a bit, and you smiled softly. That was his ‘purr’, that you had discovered on one of your first outings together. “Your wish is my command, Y/n. Goodnight, and rest well.”

“Night, Papy. I love you.”

It was three hours since Y/n had fallen asleep, and Papyrus felt secure enough in their continued rest to get up. Heading into the bathroom, he sat on the closed lid of the toilet and dialed the number of one of his cousins, who he was absolutely certain was up.

“Hello, Papyrus, dear! It’s good to hear from you,” came the cheery, energetic voice on the other end.

“HELLO CHARM,” Papyrus sighed, “DID SANS TELL YOU ALL WHY I WASN’T HOME TONIGHT?”

“No, but we’d hoped you and your lovely were together.”

“WELL, YOU’RE HALF RIGHT. I’M WITH THEM BUT NOT FOR GOOD REASONS. THEIR HOME HAS BURNED DOWN.”

There was a gasp and something rattled off a table, “Papyrus! Are they alright? Are you at the hospital?”

“NO, NO, NOTHING LIKE THAT. WE WERE BOTH OUT AT THE THEATER AND CAME BACK TO FIND IT ENGULFED. THEY’RE ASLEEP NOW BUT I NEEDED TO TALK TO SOMEONE AND YOU’RE THE MOST RELIABLE AND LIKELY TO STILL BE AWAKE.”

Relief, and a small laugh, “Oh, well, that makes me feel good. And good on you, staying by their side when they’re having a very bad experience. You’re a very good partner, if I may say so for them.”

That made Papyrus relax a little, smiling as he leaned his head on his hand, other knee jittering, “THANK YOU, CHARM. BUT WHAT I NEED TO TALK ABOUT IS WHAT DO WE DO FOR THEM? Y/N IS WITHOUT A HOME, AND WHILE I THINK I HAVE AN IDEA, I ALSO AM A LITTLE NERVOUS ABOUT PROPOSING IT.”

“Well, they can stay with us! They’re your partner, Papyrus, we aren’t going to be upset if you have them move in with you.”

His skull exploded in warmth and an orange glow, “CHARM! I-I WOULDN’T BE HAVING THEM IN MY ROOM! Y-YES, WE OCCASIONALLY SHARE, LIKE TONIGHT, BUT THEY NEED THEIR OWN SPACE. WE HAVEN’T….GOTTEN THAT FAR. RELATIONSHIPS MOVE SLOWER HERE, REMEMBER?”

“Oh. Sorry, dear, I forgot. Well, more accurately I was hoping to sort of push you because, GOODNESS, Cousin, they’re a catch and a half! But that’s not what makes you comfortable, and that’s okay.” A deep breath, and a more cheerful tone, “But we can always move Whip’s collection out of the room across from yours and have him put it elsewhere. That way they’re close to you, but you aren’t quite so…intimate.” He giggles and Papyrus can’t help joining as his nerves ease.

“AND YOU’RE SURE YOUR BROTHER AND THE OTHERS WON’T…BE OFFENDED?”

“No! No of course not, Papy, we’d do the same thing!” Charm scoffed then cooed, “No, my brother and I are all for helping the poor dear out, and you know Boa isn’t going to turn down a chance for someone to maybe befriend his brother. No, you tell them they’re more than welcome here, and if they decide to come, we’ll be there with bells on to help them get settled.”

“THANK YOU AGAIN, CHARM, I JUST REALLY…REALLY NEEDED SOME SUPPORT, TOO.”

“Oh cousin, what else is family for? We love you, so you try and relax with your lovely and I’ll talk to Boa so we can gang up on Whip and make him come around.” A laugh, teasing and very pleased, “Goodnight and good luck, Papyrus. Keep us posted.”

“I WILL. GOODNIGHT, CHARM!”

He hung up the phone and sighed, leaning back a bit. Thank goodness some of his cousins were relatively normal most of the time. Well, It was probably another five hours or so before Y/n would wake up, so now he had to occupy himself. Thank stars MTT rooms all came with bookcases full of Mettaton’s various memoirs!

---

It was hard to wake up, mostly because you thought you were at home at first before you opened your eyes.

Papyrus was sitting in a by the window, reading a book from the shelves in the room, and everything was ridiculously sumptuous and glittery. That pulled you out of your sleep and through confusion before landing on devastation.

“Good morning,” you say halfheartedly, and Papyrus looks up.

“GOOD MORNING, DEAR. I’M GLAD YOU SLEPT WELL, AS THE POLICE LEFT A MESSAGE FOR YOU A MOMENT AGO. I’VE ALSO BEEN LOOKING FOR OPTIONS FOR YOU TO STAY AT, BUT BEING THE MIDDLE OF THE SEMESTER, EVERYTHING SEEMS FULL UP. I ALSO EMAILED ALL OUR PROFESSORS, SO YOU HAVE AT LEAST THREE DAYS OFF CLASS TO DEAL WITH THIS. I’M AFRAID YOU’LL HAVE TO ASK IN PERSON IF YOU NEED MORE.” Well, your lovely skeleton had been quite busy, and helpful, as always.

“Thank you. I hadn’t even thought about class till you mentioned it,” you get up and sigh, not quite knowing what to do, “I guess I’ll just…go home? Maybe drop the semester and save up to try again?”

“NOT IF YOU DON’T WANT TO!” Papyrus blushed a little, “YOU DO REALIZE I HAVE A VERY LARGE HOUSE THAT YOU COULD HAVE A ROOM IN, RIGHT? WELL, SANS AND I HAVE A VERY LARGE HOUSE, BUT THAT’S SEMANTICS.” He was holding his own hands, head tilted slightly down so you knew he was looking upward at you, hopeful. “I CLEARED IT WITH MY MORE ENERGETIC COUSINS LAST NIGHT AND GOT A TEXT THIS MORNING THAT THE VOTE IS SEVEN TO ONE FOR YOU BEING WELCOMED IN.”

You really don’t want to cry but you can’t help it, and Papyrus moves to pull you back to sit on the bed with him. He holds you tight, “Papyrus, you’re just so good! I don’t…Are you sure?” You clung to the very soft fabric of his provided pajamas, “I don’t want to, to upset your cousins or overload your house.”

“OH, YOU WON’T. YOU’RE A WONDERFUL PERSON, AND YOU KNOW SANS AND I ARE IN YOUR CORNER NOW. I JUST KNOW YOU’D RATHER NOT WASTE THE TIME AND MONEY YOU SPENT THIS SEMESTER, AND GOODNESS KNOWS IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT YOUR HOUSE DECIDED TO INVITE FIRE OVER.”

That gets you to laugh through the tears, “Oh, I didn’t know my house decided to do that. I should complain to Grillby, then?”

“WELL, YES,” Papyrus gives you a squeeze and nuzzles your hair, “IT WAS VERY RUDE OF HIM TO WALK INTO YOUR HOUSE WITH HIS WHOLE FAMILY AND MAKE SUCH A MESS.” He laughs softly, too close for a full volume one, “OH, DEAREST, YOU REALLY ARE A WITTY ONE. NO, DON’T BOTHER THAT POOR MAN, HE ALREADY HAD TO DEAL WITH SANS AFTER ALL.”

The tears are drying as you continue to giggle, squealing when Papyrus turns your hug into a tickle fight that he obviously wins.

“HAHA! THE GREAT PAPYRUS WINS A VICTORY OVER SADNESS ONCE AGAIN!” he declares as he finally lets you breathe and hops up, “NOW, I HAD YOUR CLOTHES FROM YESTERDAY CLEANED BY THE COMPLIMENTARY LAUNDRY SERVICE, AND THEY’RE IN THE BATHROOM FRESH FOR YOU. W-WELL MOST OF THEM ARE FRESH; I COULDN’T,” he looks away and his smile gets wobbly in nerves, “I COULDN’T TOUCH YOUR UNDERTHINGS WITHOUT YOUR PERMISSION SO THEY AREN’T.”

You blink, then hold in a snort of laughter. “I forget monsters consider socks underwear. Oh, Papyrus, I love you so much. I don’t need them cleaned, don’t worry.” Getting up, you pull him down for a kiss on the cheekbone, “And you have my permission to touch any laundry of mine you like and move it if you see fit. I trust you to treat them kindly.”

He exploded in orange all over his skull, and you giggle as you head into the bathroom. You’d never ever get tired of him, your utter gentleman in shining cardboard armor.

Papyrus was more than eager on the bus ride back toward your home. He babbled about how you’d love his cousins, and that some of them were almost as cool as he was (you didn’t doubt that, but how?) But he also was fiddling with a notebook to have it ready to make a list of things you needed to replace.

That was going to suck. Going through the rubble was going to be awful. The message the police left said that they were working on determining a cause for the fire, but that they’d left a few things they’d found in a bin for you with the person guarding the site.

That person turned out to be Dogamy, a large, floppy eared dog monster with fur resembling a mustache on his upper lip and a very large axe, and Papyrus ran over and got a hug. “DEAR COMMRADE! HELLO! IT’S SO NICE TO SEE YOU!”

“it’s good to see you, too, Papyrus.” He was wagging his tail and smiled, “I made sure nobody touched this place till you and your date got back. Now that’s done, though, so I do have to be off. Other places to guard, you know.”

“YES OF COURSE! THANK YOU ONCE AGAIN!”

You shyly echoed his thanks, and Dogamy nodded before running off quickly…on all fours. Oh.

Picking up the bin he’d left behind, you sighed. Scorched frames holding photos, a few plates and cups that happened to be ceramic, and what looked like your whole silverware drawer, sat in the bottom of it.

Looking around, your living room and kitchen were gutted, as was your roommate’s former room, and the wall that led to your bedroom. Papyrus helped you get the door open (it had warped) and you found a lot of water damage on the floor, but it was otherwise mostly intact.

Well, that was what you wanted to say, but you just knew you were in the realm of “nothing but the clothes on their back” (well, and the pajamas, those are included in the room fee) and it felt BAD.

Papyrus has his finger up to his teeth, one arm crossed over his chest and tapping his foot, “YOU KNOW, UNDYNE’S HOUSE BURNED DOWN ALL THE TIME UNDERGROUND. I KNOW JUST ABOUT WHAT CAN BE SAVED AND WHAT CAN’T, BUT I DON’T THINK I CAN DO THIS WITH JUST THE TWO OF US. WOULD YOU BE OKAY IF I CALL MY COUSINS AND GET AT LEAST TWO OF THEM DOWN HERE TO HELP?”

Staring at your bedroom, all the grime everywhere, you just nod.

Papyrus goes into a corner and holds his phone up, “CHARM? GET BOA AND HAVE SANS BRING YOU TO Y/N’S PLACE. HM? OH, YES, THEY AGREED TO MOVE IN.” He jumps a bit and you can hear cheering from the phone. You smile a bit; at least you know you’re wanted where you’re going.

#hothouse rose #reader x papyrus #undertale fic

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studyscrasic · 4 years ago

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Hm, thinking properly about the fact that I’m really hoping to go back to school this fall, if the universe is a little kinder this year (I had been gearing up to last fall and then... well.... it didn’t seem worth applying just to do all my courses online, especially since I need a lot of lab credits and I can’t imagine doing those via distance learning).

On the whole I don’t know that it will impact too many of my self-study efforts since like, it wouldn’t be until August anyways, and even once it starts I hope I could still juggle some practice on the side (especially if I establish some good habits/connections to language-learning communities earlier in the year, which, seems like it’s going well so far?), except for the fact that with the degree I’m looking at transferring into (a Biology, Society, and Environment B.A. in the liberal arts college, instead of their just plain Biology B.S. in the college of biological sciences, which would have been more akin to the bio degree I was working towards at the other two schools I’ve attended) I would suddenly have a language requirement to fulfill.

Which like! Is great actually, I have really wanted to take language classes in college, especially since I loved my brief experience taking Mandarin in high school before the program got cut. Before, as someone working towards a science degree it wasn’t something that was ever in my course plan and I was always a little sad about that. So I love, love, love that I’ve got the option to do this degree now (assuming the let me in as a transfer student in but my GPA should be good enough?) that’s still a full biology degree but has a whole social sciences/liberal arts component baked in as well. (Plus it’s a dang cool degree program!) But it also means I have to pick which language I’m going to take, and they just have so many options! Also I am unfortunately tempted to choose something that isn’t one of my target languages -- especially since they don’t offer any Celtic languages to start, and I feel like German has so many good self-study and practice resources that I feel like I should pick something that’s harder to learn on my own for my classroom language.

Anyways it’s not relevant now and I don’t even know for sure it’ll be relevant this fall (I have to get in and the pandemic has to lift more, but both those things seem, like, eminently possible?) but I realize I should probably at least like. Think about the options so I don’t have to rush my decision, and potentially so I can plan around the fact that I may end up adding another TL this year even despite my best efforts not to (of course...) Out of what they offer I’m most interested in:

Somali -- there are NOT very many Somali resources out there; I’ve looked. But it’s one of the most commonly spoken immigrant languages here, and I think it could be great to learn a language that could help me communicate with some of the people here whose English isn’t as strong, especially since I tend to work public facing jobs (right now I’m a science museum educator, so talking to/teaching people is like... what I do)

Finnish -- I have ALWAYS wanted to learn Finnish, and found out a few months ago that one of my sister and I’s childhood friends is dating a guy from Finland, and is serious enough about the relationship that she’s probably going move there. My sister has even said she’d consider doing the same, since this is one of her closest friends. So like! Finnish could be more useful than I expected!

Ojibwe -- Hm so. This one is a much more tentative thought, because I would want to check to make sure my presence in the class is supporting the program at the university with my tuition as opposed to taking up seats from heritage learners/people specifically interested in linguistic revival. I’m very much white and get that the politics of learning Native languages are incredibly complicated, so would want to do a lot more research on those dynamics with Ojibwe and the program at the university specifically. But I also think that learning one of the languages originally spoken in the area I live in right now and spending time with the people in the program is the sort of thing that could be valuable with regard to like, cultivating my own allyship, and if that’s something that’s welcomed I would seriously consider looking into the program.

Aaaand last but not least, the university DOES offer Icelandic, but the trouble is I need 4 semesters for the language requirement and it’s one of only a couple language programs at the school that only offers 3! I’d have to find another university to do the last semester with, probably via distance learning, and I don’t super want to do that. I also can’t tell if it’s something they always offer and/or if it’s more of a guided self-study thing (which you know -- it’d encourage me to stick to it, but that’s kind of what I’m already doing!) so in general it’s very ??? I might at least talk to the Germanic/Scandinavian studies department about it, but it’s probably not what I’m looking for, much as I’d really like the chance to take a class in one of my TLs that it’s harder to find content for! It’d probably be my first choice if it wasn’t the complicated one, but that’s just not the case. :c

In total the school has almost 30 language programs which like. Aaaaaaaah. So really, thinking about four of them is already me being restrained (otherwise I might have, like, Hebrew or Korean on the list too). And I suppose the timing of classes might be the thing that decides it for me; obviously I don’t even know for sure I’m going back yet and I don’t think I’ll be able to officially narrow down a decision until I’m actually a student again. But I hadn’t realized until just the other day that I’m going to have to think about university language credits at some point, too which.... well, it’s sure a thing, huh

#side note but now that i'm actually using this blog a little more you all get to know the truth about me which is that i talk. a lot #but hey what else are sideblogs for right #maybe i should make a talking tag

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teainq-nightmode · 5 years ago

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//cool subjects I'm taking this term

Last week the registration period has ended and all my courses this term re officially official. I'm taking 66 credits, so I certainly have a lot on my plate, but the classes I'm taking for my minor are super interesting (my maiior classes for this semester are kinda meh, but you can check my main @tea-inquiries, for the post about them or my chinese langblr @chinese-maiior just for fun) so I thought I would share.

Latin Grammar II

This one is pretty self-explanatory, Latin minor requires learning Latin and that's all there is. I have barely passed the last term due to my maiior being extremely demanding so this time I'm focusing on staying. on the top of the things.

Reading Seminar (Caesar)

For me to take my Latin state exam and get my degree I have to read certain books, some of them translated, some of them in Latin and Ceasar is the first of them. We are reading the entirety of the sixth book of Commentarii de Bello Gallico and let me tell you, it's not fun.

Introduction to Classical Philology II

I took the first part of this course last term and this time we're focusing on medieval Latin. It's only an hour once a week but we are doing a lot of reading and writing because thesis writing is one of the main topics in this course.

Introduction to Linguistics

I signed up for this course thinking it would be fun but the lecturer is honestly pretty bad speaker and trust me, I never sat in a classroom this quiet. He speaks in a super quiet and monotone voice and takes breaks in unnatural places, but I kept the course since it seems pretty easy and next year I'll probably be taking Chinese Linguistics and having some background would be beneficial.

Renaissance Humanism

This one is so much fun. it is indeed an epitome of studying humanities but I love it. We read a lot, discuss stuff in class, look at obscure art all that jazz. The doctor teaching us very engaging and his English accent makes my knees weak so yeah...

Study camp

Every year Department of Classical Studies organizes a week getaway to focus on your field of study somewhere in nature. The doctorand teaching us was very eager about us signing so we all did. We are going to focus on reading Caesar, do a theatre workshop and probably read Harry Potter in Latin.

Ancient Greek Literature II

Last term, Ancient Greek lit was a required course and it was a lot of fun since the docent is clearly very passionate about the subject so I decided to sign up for a continuation. The course is pretty chill, you just come in and listen about ancient authors since it is accompanied by an online course where all the info is comfortably laid out for you. It is also and recommended prerequisite for Roman Literature course so its a win-win situation.

Old Church Slavonic

You might be thinking I have clearly overshot with this one and you would be right since I have no background in Slavic languages and this a postgrad course but whoops. it sounds like so much fun and really really interesting and is a cool thing to say. Since I'm taking a lot of credits this term I can fail this course and not have to retake it if I have to move around my priorities which is comforting, so I'm just here to have a good time.

#studyblr #dark academia #da #latin #latin language #latin langblr #lingua latina #college #college student #studying #studying latin #greek literature #ancient greek literature #church slavonic #old slavonic #old church slavonic

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slash-em-up · 5 years ago

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Marry Your Monsters Pt. 5

A step back. A first meeting.

---------------------------------------------------------

17 Years Prior

This tray of cupcakes was definitely going to fall if Miranda didn’t get over to that table fast enough.

The tall blonde student tried her best to juggle the dozen brightly frosted confections along with her book-bag and was failing miserably.

This had not been a good week.

The semester was nearing its end and for some that meant that all you needed to worry about was your final tests – celebratory parties were already beginning to pop up during all hours of the day in several dorms – but sadly Miranda didn’t have that luxury.

As a pre-law student, Miranda still had her LSATs to worry about, and with the semester winding down for most, the sorority Miranda was treasurer for had decided that one more end-of-year bake-sale would be just the ticket to cement their funding for next fall.

To Miranda’s annoyance, what brought her to the quad today was neither of those things.

Her elective class in American Sign Language had a final project that was due in a week and she hadn’t even completed the interview she was assigned.

This was partly because the class wasn’t exactly high on her priority list, and partly because she was truly dreading meeting up with her interviewee.

Several of the deaf and mute students on campus had volunteered to be interviewed by the class to give their introspective on living life with a communication disability. Unfortunately, Miranda had been late to class the day they were assigning partners and had been saddled with Jesse Cromeans.

To say Jesse had a bad reputation on campus would have been an extreme understatement.

He was well known for being a lazy, vain, brutish, man-whore and that was being kind.

Privately, Miranda was pretty sure the only reason he hadn’t been kicked out of university entirely was because his grandfather's name was on every other building and at least one member of his family was on the board of trustees at any given time.

Privileged asshole.

Probably 3\4ths of the way to some pretty painful STDs and dying in a drunken yachting accident.

Arriving at the table, Miranda quickly settled the cupcakes on the surface, adjusting the ones that had shifted around on the tray with a slight jostle. At least that was one less thing for her to worry about.

Now if only Jesse would get here so she could get this over with.

The meeting time approached.

And passed.

Five minutes late.

Ten minutes late.

Fifteen minutes late.

Miranda sighed in disgust and began to pack up her bag when a large hand entered her peripheral vision and snatched up a green-frosted cupcake.

Another defining characteristic of Jesse Cromeans was that he was tall. Like, really tall. So how he’d managed to move his giant ass all the way across the quad and sneak in close enough to steal a cupcake without Miranda noticing was beyond her understanding.

‘For me? You shouldn’t have.’

Miranda gaped in dumbstruck indignation as the arrogant bastard smirked and took a large bite of the confection while swinging one long leg over the side of his chair.

Her lips pursed.

“You were supposed to be here fifteen minutes ago...”

Jesse continued to chew as he glanced down at his watch. He shrugged.

‘I got tied up.’

That was the last straw. All the stress and anger that had been building for the last week was finally coming to a head.

And she was about to take it out on Jesse Cromeans ass.

“Jesse, I set up this appointment with you a week ago – if you had something else come up you should have told me earlier! I just wasted most of my morning trying to get here!”

The tall man smirked up at her, signing a quick, insincere ‘Sorry’.

“Oh, fuck off.”

Now it was Jesse’s turn to gape at her; but Miranda was far from done.

“You... arrogant, selfish prick! Just because you have grand-daddy's money to fall back on doesn’t mean you can waltz all over the rest of us! Some of us are here because we actually want to be – not because it’s the closest source of pussy and coke. I could have spent this morning doing actual work! I was so fucking angry when I got stuck with you as a partner because I KNEW you’d pull something like this! Because you. Don’t. Care. If it doesn't benefit you it doesn’t even make it onto your radar. You’re an asshole, and you’re going to die alone.”

Jesse was giving her his full attention; brown eyes serious and locked on her face.

‘Finished?’

Miranda was breathing heavily as she digested the words that had just come out of her own mouth.

Oh god.

“Jesse, I’m so sorry... I -”

Jesse waved a hand, cutting her off.

‘You’re going to make one hell of a lawyer...’

The comment could have been playful; but the tensing of his shoulders and the flash of hurt in his eyes said it was anything but.

Not knowing what else to do, Miranda murmured another quiet “sorry” at Jesse, not meeting his eyes as she gathered up her bag and retreated back across the quad, not stopping until she was safely back inside her sorority house behind her locked door.

She’d forgotten the cupcakes and several books at the table; but they were the least of her concerns right now.

Feeling lower than low, Miranda slipped into an uneasy slumber.

---------------------------

The nap did not help.

Miranda went through the remainder of her day with a cloud over her head. It wasn’t like her to be unnecessarily cruel – which she absolutely had been. The punishment she’d dished out in no way fit the crime he’d committed.

Even the passive-aggressive comments she’d received from the sorority president about ‘losing’ the cupcakes simply bounced off her shell of melancholy.

How do you apologize to someone when your first real interaction included you telling them they were going to die alone?

Miranda was moping on her bed, looking at but not really absorbing her study material when one of her friends popped her head into the room.

“Hey Randi, this was outside your room. Did you lose a book?”

Standing from the bed, Miranda walked over and took the book from the other girl, eyebrows raising when she saw it was the ASL textbook she’d left on the quad.

“Who brought this back?”

The girl shrugged.

“I don’t know – it was just sitting outside. Maybe Krista saw...”

Miranda flipped open the cover and saw a plain white envelope with her name written on it in neat text.

“Uh, thanks, no worries, I’ll figure it out later...”

She closed the door and sat back on her bed, fingering the paper with a sense of dread.

Well, better to rip it off like a band-aid.

She opened the envelope, eyes widening when a hundred-dollar bill fell out with a small bundle of papers.

The first on the stack was a note from Jesse.

‘Miranda,

I’m sorry I was late for our meeting the other day. I’ll admit to being a selfish asshole, and you were fully within your rights to call me out on it.

I found your interview questions in your book and wrote out my answers for them as best I could – I hope you don’t mind, I added a few jokes and quips – no one would believe we actually ‘talked’ if we didn’t add SOME color to my responses.

Also, I ate your cupcakes. Sorry about that. I’m not really sure what the going rate is for charity bake-sale goodies, so I hope the enclosed money will cover it.

I was being serious when I said you’ll be a great lawyer. I hope I never have to see you in court.

Jesse

p.s. I don’t do coke. I haven’t got the fingers to carry off a coke-nail.’

Re-folding the paper, Miranda wasn’t sure whether she wanted to laugh, cry, or get angry at Jesse all over again.

The rest of the packet was the answers to her interview questions that Jesse had promised; but even giving them a cursory read-through, she could already tell she was going to have to edit them heavily. As it turns out, Jesse wasn’t a short-winded guy when you got him going on a topic –and he’d really gone off about what life was like without the ability to speak.

Miranda was surprised that so many of his answers seemed to be given in complete honesty rather than the infantile jokes and self-aggrandizing she’d expected.

Sure, those were there too – she saw the bit about him being a ‘master debater’ and a ‘cunning linguist’ and rolled her eyes hard enough to give herself a headache – but the parts where he was being forthright were very telling about the person Jesse was behind all the smoke and mirrors.

That was a completely different guy. She thought she might even be able to like him.

Maybe someday they’d run into each other and she could take back her comments in-person.

Only time would tell.

#jesse cromeans #jesse cromeans x mrs. cromeans #laid to rest #chromeskull #chromeskull: laid to rest 2 #jessica writes #Horror Movies #slasher fiction

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almondeyes-biased · 5 years ago

Text

Birthday celebration fanfic for my one and only bby boy, Im Changkyun! I love him so so so much I wish him what's best 💓

Disclaimer: please excuse any errors, English is not my first language and I wrote this really late after finishing a paper for university. Love you all

Word count: 1.3k

Pairing: Im Changkyun x reader

Summary: Changkyun is there to save an awful day at school.

highschool!au, student!au, changkyun highschool boy!au

I can’t remember, and probably don’t want to, the first time I walked past my new school doors and took a look around. I remember, however, the feeling of terror I had, as the last time I changed school things didn’t go so well. Actually, I am the exact opposite of a girl who would never speak or be silent. I am very loud, I am loud even when I’m trying to whisper. I laugh really loudly, something that might cause others to look at me with the corner of their eye, as if I have committed the worst crime humanity every witnessed. And for that, I draw attention. Not always for a good cause. For example, I remember when I was 15, when a group of girls I considered my “friends” ditched me because I “ruined their image” and after that, another girl I really appreciated who always shushed me when we were taking walks because she wanted the boys to notice her.

So when my parents announced me that we were moving city, I was mortified. Being the class clown in a school that they already know you is way better than having to make a brand new start in another, where no one knows you. Personally, I would prefer to find a job in an actual circus than having to go through the hell of trying to socialize in a new high school.

Long story short, I have been in this school for some months now, it is near the end of the first semester. And I can’t believe I am actually saying this, but things are going better than expected. I hang out with some kids, I wouldn’t call them exactly “friends” but they’re okay. They are patient with me, at least. I haven’t heard a single complaint about me being loud or a comment about my laughter, so I guess that’s fine for now. I don’t think I would like to tie things with people right now, given that it’s just a year and I guess I won’t get to see most of them after high school is over. I don’t feel they really cared for that anyway.

I can’t say that the past months have not changed me. It’s probably the music I’m currently listening to, the poetry I’ve grown so much fond of, or both at a time, but I feel like I notice things more now. The small, unimportant things I didn’t pay attention to earlier, now they seem like the ones who shape my every day. I think I am calmer now. Same loud, but calmer. But not having a person to tell my secrets to or trust more than others is really killing me, because at the end of the day all I have left is my parents, but I am 18 years old. What secrets could I have, you’ll ask.

Well, there is a boy.

He is not very tall, with light brown, probably dyed but still so healthy, hair, and almond eyes. And with the beautiful smile I have ever seen in my life. He is in my year but has different classes, but still I get to see him in some classes of choice we have in common, in choir (the boy has the most seductive voice I have heard, I’m telling you), literature and subtitling. I think he is in the music section while I am in Linguistics, but still meet him before classes and in most breaks. His name is Changkyun, I only hear it when teachers call for him. I haven’t had the chance to talk to him more than a simple exchange of greeting down the hallway, he is really shy and I don’t want to bother him with my loudness, I don’t think he’d appreciate his calmness being shattered.

He is not often surrounded by a bunch of people, like others of our classmates. He is not the type to talk much, to express himself with every chance he’s given. Every time I see him, he is silent and throws a glance or two, with a couple of small, cute smiles here and there to the person he’s talking to. He is the exact opposite of me, in all means.

And maybe that’s why I fell for him in the first place.

That one particular day, I was not really in the mood for much. First period sucked, and I was in serious thinking of dropping out for the day. When the bell rang, I gathered my stuff and put my earphones on. I walked down the hallway, not saying a word to anyone and avoiding the glances of my classmates and teachers, and got out of the door, to the backyard of the school. Instead of running off, I threw my bag on the ground and sat on it, thank god there was only a few people around and I could have some time alone for once in this school. I took a deep breath and moved my head to the rhythm of “everything i wanted.” This song I felt a lot those days, and still do.

Caught in the moment, I didn’t notice the figure that moved close to me. So I jumped and let out a small scream when a hand touched my shoulder. I turned around and-

“Sorry, I didn’t men to scare you. I just didn’t think anyone else would be here at this hour,” Changkyun said, giving me his hand to help me get up. I sighed, relieved that it was only him who, to be honest, was the only person who wouldn’t bother me at that time. I got up and thanked him.

“I never thought I’d see you sitting alone, most of the time you have some people around, not many but still,” he continued.

“I don’t feel like talking much today, I thought I could use some time for myself.” When I realized I could have pushed him away with my words, I added: “You’re no bother, of course.” He smiled and sat next to me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked him. He smiled shyly and avoided my glance.

“I wasn’t in the mood for math today, so I think I’ll skip.”

I raised my eyebrow, a small smile on my lips.

“You don’t seem like the kind of guy who skips classes,” I said, and he laughed quietly.

“Oh believe me, sometimes I am very much the type of guy who skips classes.”

There was something in the way he spokexor it was probably my mere excitement that I was finally talking to him more than a simple hello, and I made a funny noise,which caused me to almost laugh at myself. But soon enough I covered my mouth with my hand, afraid I would embarrass myself again, and gave him a shy glance as some guys turned around and looked at me, and I cursed myself for the first time for being so loud. He shook his head and touched me feather-like on my arm, then quickly removed his hand.

“D-Don’t hold it back, I like it when people laugh their hearts out,” he said.

“My laughter is a people’s persecutor at times,” I said bitterly. “People think being loud is a very dangerous and contagious disease.”

“I don’t,” he said immediately, which made me turn and look at him. “I don’t mind people being loud, though I am not at all like it. And- ” he cut himself off as if he was measuring his next words. I looked at him with cocked eyebrows, but he avoided my glance.

“You’re cute when you laugh.”

“You- I- You think I am cute?” I asked him, stressing out the “I.” He nodded, biting his lower lip and not looking at me more than stealing some glances, as he used to do anyway. I smiled.

“I am Changkyun, by the way.” I nodded.

“I know. I am Y/N.”

“I remember, although I haven’t heard you a lot in class,” he pointed out and I nodded.

“I don’t really like being orally examined in class, I prefer written exams.”

“You like singing, though.”

He had noticed.

He didn’t give me time to reply when, after looking around first, he turned to me again and said quietly with a cutely mischievous glance:

“I know a bookstore with slow rock music where they offer coffee to those who sit there to study or read, wanna come with me?”

“You said you’re skipping only math class,” I said, and he laughed quietly before grabbing my hand, getting up and throwing his backpack over his shoulders while waiting for me to do the same, and then guided me out of the school doors, carefully so that no one would notice.

“I changed my mind.”

#kpop #monsta x #monsta x im #monsta x changkyun #im changkyun #im changkyun boyfriend #im changkyun x reader #monsta x imagines #changkyun fluff #changkyun imagines #im x reader #im changkyun happy birthday #happy birthday baby boy 💓💓#im changkyun fluff #monsta x im fluff #im changkyun smut #im x reader fluff #im x reader smut

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whentherewerebicycles · 4 years ago

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Hey! Obviously feel free to ignore this if you don’t have the time or energy for it, but do you have any advice for handling criticism in class? I’m in a language class this semester where I’m likely to be the only student in class a decent amount of the time (the only other person enrolled is auditing), and having a class that's a little over an hour long where I’m just translating out loud and having my mistakes pointed out/corrected is, as it turns out, a lot to handle. (1/4)

I’ve found myself having trouble doing my homework because I’m dreading the professor’s comments in class if I get something wrong or admit to being uncertain. It also doesn’t help that she asks me pointed questions to lead me to the right answer rather than just telling me (which I absolutely understand as a pedagogical choice, but it’s more intense in a way that’s unpleasant in this context). (2/4)

I can handle all of those things in a normal class, when the focus isn’t on me the entire time, but right now it’s too much (and I know objectively it’s fine and expected that I’ll make some mistakes because that’s how learning works). I’ve been working on taking constructive criticism and being less of a perfectionist for years, but I kind of need to find a way to speed up that process or a way to cope in the short term if I’m going to get through this semester. (3/4)

Thanks in advance for anything you can come up with (I know it's a weird situation and mostly tied up in my personal issues, and I'm sure it's hard for my professor too to find a productive way to run a class that's supposed to be discussion based when it's not possible to have a discussion), and I hope you're doing well! (4/4)

ohhh god this is so tough. first of all, it sounds like a bit of a nightmare - big seminar classes can be socially stressful in different ways but i personally always found it so nervewracking to be in really tiny classes where there was so much attention on you always and nowhere to hide! and your situation sounds like an even more intensified version of that. so like, all of those feelings you are describing feel VERY real!!

here are some thoughts. i know nothing about the professor so you would have a much better read on this than i do -- but i can imagine that if i were in that position as an instructor i would probably be panicking a bit, because it’s such an unusual and not-ideal teaching situation and it’s probably not something she’s used to navigating. it sounds like she is still trying to run it like a class (the familiar version for her) when the reality of the class is more like a one-on-one tutoring situation? which yeah i can imagine must feel REALLY intense and not-great from your end.

(MUCH) MORE BEHIND THE CUT!

i’m also wondering about like.. is she a full professor / slightly older or a grad instructor/postdoc? because sometimes idk the very pointed questioning approach and the inability to adjust to what’s obviously an uncomfortable new situation can be a grad student/inexperienced teacher thing. like you wind up trying to seem more confident or more pointed to conceal your own insecurities or uncertainty about what teaching is supposed to look like in this environment you didn’t practice in. if she is older then idk maybe she’s just not a great teacher, lol. or if it’s over zoom, maybe she’s struggling to read the nonverbal cues that signal student discomfort or dread bc of the screens. and idk if this is a dead language you are studying or a living language but if she’s not a native english speaker there might just be some nuances of like, tone or expression that don’t translate as well. i feel like in the past i’ve had non-native English speaker students who are fully fluent but whose affect just felt very brusque to me at first (i am sure mine also felt VERY bewildering and difficult to read for them too), but it eventually became clear that it was just like, a mismatch of cultural/linguistic communication styles. again, no idea if that applies to your situation or not!

i guess what i’d recommend depends on your sense of her age, personality, openness to feedback, etc. if i were the teacher, i would really, really appreciate having the student share what they’re feeling, even just a tiny bit of it. i think it would help me break out of my own nerves around the situation and start thinking about what the class feels like from their perspective, which would help me move beyond just being trapped in that state of ‘this is so awkward this is so awkward help this is so awful.’ plus it might help break the ice a little and help you both feel a bit more relaxed with each other?

you could do this in writing, or you could approach her in a neutral setting, like in office hours or a private meeting. and obviously, i think you can do it in a way that doesn’t come off as critical of her teaching style (even if it maybe leaves something to be desired). if it were me, i would start with something positive about the setup - ideally something that feels genuine-ish even if not uh totaly true lol, like, “i really appreciate the opportunity to learn a language with so much support, and i’m hoping that i can make a lot of progress this semester with your help” or something like that. and then i think i would TAKE THE RISK of being just a little bit vulnerable and open with her. you could maybe say something like, “i tend to put a lot of pressure on myself to do well, and i can be pretty hard on myself when i make mistakes. usually in a larger class it’s easier to take a break and ease up on myself, or to remind myself that other people are learning too, but when it’s just one-on-one, i’m finding that i’m getting really nervous / making more mistakes than i usually would / being harder on myself than usual.”

i also think that, one thing i find really helpful, is to enlist the other person in finding a solution instead of saying “and this is what i want you to do” or “this is what i want you to stop doing.” trying to think about what that might look like here... like, maybe you could ask her if she has any thoughts on how to kinda mentally reframe the situation for yourself? or you could ask her if you could talk through some ideas with her for working through your nervousness/tendency to self-criticize, and to see if she has feedback or has her own ideas. maybe you could also slip in that like, you want to be able to practice conversations too (assuming it’s not a dead language lol), and you’re wondering if that’s something you could try together sometimes - since it sounds like just translating and having to find your own errors is maybe not the best way to get really comfortable using the language?

there’s a chance that she will not really grasp what you’re trying to do, or will not be especially receptive to it -- and if that’s the case, it will suck, but it probably will not in the long run make things significantly more awkward (given how awkward and stressful the situation seems already!). but there’s also a chance that she just genuinely doesn’t know how you feel, or feels frozen in those really rigid professor/student roles and isn’t comfortable initiating a more relaxed classroom environment herself. in that case, taking a little bit of a risk and letting her glimpse your own inner life/emotional state might wind up making a really big difference - or at least like, it might start a conversation that you could continue to build on over the course of the semester.

another small way that you might begin to shift the dynamic of the class is to come with some questions or ideas of your own, either in class or in office hours - not like, grammar questions that she will ask you pointed questions to lead you to the correct answer, but questions about the culture, or about her own research/work, or about some aspect of something you’ve been reading related to the language. asking those questions and then maybe like, drawing her out by asking follow-up questions and engaging in a conversation with her about it could be one way of sort of breaking out of that rigid pattern the class seems to have fallen into. and it might also be another way of sort of sneakily giving her a glimpse into your inner life and helping her see you not just as a student whose errors need to be corrected but as a person who has interests and thoughts and feelings of your own. at the very least, it could buy you some time and a little bit of an emotional reprieve from the hour of translating and having your errors corrected!

lastly: one thing i often advise students to do when they are in a difficult or intimidating class is to set one small personal or interpersonal goal per week -- just one tiny thing they’re going to try to do to shift their perception of the class or change their experience a little bit or establish a different kind of connection with a peer or the professor. i suggest doing this not because i think it’s the student’s responsibility to singlehandedly change the culture of a learning environment (it’s not) -- but because setting little concrete goals and achieving them can boost our own sense of confidence and agency in a learning environment where we might otherwise feel totally helpless or at the mercy of the instructor. it’s just a way of shifting your understanding of what you’re doing from “i’m just coping” or “i’m just surviving/enduring” to more of a, “i’m creatively finding a way to make this experience useful/better for myself” mentality. also i find that the goal-setting thing can also feel playful, in a way -- a little secret mission you’re undertaking! and it also gives you something to focus on that isn’t just fixating on how unpleasant that hour is or how much you’re dreading the next class.

so like, maybe one goal could be to ask her a small talk type question about her own life -- and then ask a follow-up question to see if she’ll share a little more. or you could resolve to share one piece of personal information about your life outside the classroom, as part of that larger goal of helping her see you as a whole person. or you could resolve that in one of those pointed questioning sessions, instead of just letting her guide you to the right answer, you could turn the question back on her or ask her to talk you through it in a different way -- “I think it’s this, but I’m actually wondering, why is that? i keep getting x and y mixed up, and i’m wondering if it’s because...” like, see if you can think about the kind of pedagogical experience you’d rather be having in this class, and then look for tiny creative little ways to nudge her towards it.

i also think that, if you want to get real sneaky about it, you could use basic positive reinforcement to signal to her when she does a teaching thing you really appreciate. this is the most secret mission-y of all haha because you’re basically seeing if you can condition her into teaching in a way that feels better/more useful for you. body language and nonverbal cues like smiling, leaning forward, nodding, looking attentive, etc., can be a good way of doing that (esp if you are usually a little more disengaged bc you are busy experiencing your own inner dread!!). and then you could gradually ramp it up -- for instance, you could make a point of really earnestly thanking her for something, in class or in a follow-up email after (being as specific as possible about what you appreciated and why). or if you get her talking about something related to culture or literature or whatever, you could send her something you found that reminded you of that conversation, to show that you are listening to the things she’s said and are engaged/curious about them. humans are social creatures and most of us (not all!) are pretty hyper-attuned to that kind of positive social feedback, even just at an unconscious level. so getting those cues is probably going to be helpful to her as a teacher, and will also make her feel better too, and might eventually help her sort of warm up/relax a bit in a way that is conducive to a better teaching/learning experience.

(this is basically like when you think you’re training your dog to do something, and then one day you wake up and realize that your dog has 100% trained you to do exactly the thing they want, exactly when they want it, and they were just letting you think that you were the one calling the shots lol. be the dog!)

i have no idea if any of this will be helpful, but i hope that it will at least spark some ideas for you for ways of approaching this class! good luck -- YOU GOT THIS!!!! -- and i would really love to hear how it goes or what ends up working for you.

#teaching #god i am SO sorry this is so long #i did not mean to inflict a five-page essay on you and god bless you if you read the whole thing #i think i hit my stride midway through so yknow skim a bit

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lostinwonderlandx · 4 years ago

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lavender (tell me about all of them!), periwinkle (muwahaha), sangria, wine!

Hey boo! Another round of asks from you, I see! I’d be more than happy to answer these for you :)

Lavender: Describe your best friend(s).

Binch, you’re my one and only best friend, so you want me to describe to the world all that I love of you which by the way, I’d love to! Kaleb (@theoceanismyinkwell) is undeniably the most fierce and genuine person I’ve ever come to know in my 20-something years of life! We’ve known each other for five years and been ride or dies/twins for four! As one of our college friends once said, we’re attached to the butt (bc we were and still are inseparable, despite the 1,819 miles distance between us) ;) Anyways, back to describing Kaleb! He was the only other Asian American majoring in Spanish in our little department while we were undergrads, so he is the one and only that understands all my Asian memes as well as my Spanish jokes. He also loves food as much as I do, so when we used to live less than a mile away from each other, we’d go to lunch/dinner dates whenever possible! He never fails to amaze me! I’d have to say that my proudest moment of being his best friend was when he came out to me as a FTM trans <3 Our best friendship has actually been long distance for three years now, but like I said, we’re still inseparable! Kaleb, I know you’ll be reading this but know that I love you and I miss you!

Periwinkle: What was your first impression of your best friend?

I STG this post is about to become an essay, sorry not sorry that I love to write, hehe :) Kaleb and I actually met in/on (uh, I don’t know which one to use bc I don’t really write in English anymore) an online Spanish literature in translation class! I remember seeing his last name for the first time and thinking to myself, “Well, that doesn’t look like a Spanish surname,” so I did some research only to find out it’s Filipino. From that moment on, all I’d think is “Fellow Asian, must befriend!” It wasn’t until a semester later that I noticed that he was in my class again! I didn’t say it in the lavender answer, but he looked intimidating incredibly badass wearing all black with always on fleek makeup (this was him prior to coming out as a FTM trans), so I had to work up all of my introvert courage to say hi! We ended up being placed in the same group for one of our projects and the rest is history!

Sangria: How do you break (awkward) silences?

I’m the master of awkward silences, so I don’t have any suggestions! But if I’m with Kaleb, I just pull out one of our inside jokes and it’ll no longer be awkward silence ;)

Wine: Give a random fact about yourself.

And I’m terrible at random facts about myself, why do you inflict such torture on me? T_T Uh, I went to college for Spanish education/linguistics!

Drop any shade(s) of purple of your choice in my ask box and I’ll answer truthfully!

#personal #theoceanismyinkwell #questions #answers #languages #spanish #education #linguistics

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dew-line · 5 years ago

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Life, death, and rebirth – developing and redeveloping a personality on a progressing timeline

So. I had a little fun today. The last task on the psychology course was to write an essay on personality development based(ish) on Mischels theories about personality development. The guidelines were a tad loose, and I choose to run with it. The text below is what I submitted, hopefully I’ll get som feedback on it tomorrow or in a few days and I’ll keep you posted on that. :D //Jimmy How does one begin to describe, in any relatable fashion, the development of one’s personality, especially as it is a work of perpetual process? One must, I assume, begin at the beginning: I was born. Then there was nothing until I developed a basic sense of self awareness and the ability to define myself in relation to other people and objects. In that very moment I created the world; but you may rest easy, for I am a humble god. Especially so since I stopped demanding the immediate satisfaction of my basic needs and allowed myself to be shaped into this present form by the mold created by my parents and by society; by boundaries drawn by cultural and linguistic traits Thus, like the Christian God I was made flesh and blood – now writing before you as this maculate conception, ever learning as I progressed over the years, constantly striving to fill out this rudimentary sketch of “me” drawn by my parents with ever more content and subject matter. I learnt of poetry and philosophy – the power of word and thought, and thus, in my late teens, I entered a new phase. Let it begin with these words from the gospel [abridged] of St. Charles the Inebriated.

”Born like this

Into this

Into these carefully mad wars

Into the sight of broken factory windows of emptiness

Into bars where people no longer speak to each other

Into fist fights that end as shootings and knifings

Born into this

Into hospitals which are so expensive that it's cheaper to die

Into lawyers who charge so much it's cheaper to plead guilty

Into a country where the jails are full and the madhouses closed

Into a place where the masses elevate fools into rich heroes

Born into this

Walking and living through this

Dying because of this

Muted because of this

Castrated

Debauched

Disinherited

Because of this

Fooled by this

Used by this

Pissed on by this

Made crazy and sick by this

Made violent

Made inhuman

By this

[…]”

Charles Bukowski – ”Dinosauria, We”.

Now, I may not have turned out quite as bitter and fatalistic as the aged Bukowski, but I do confess to a certain faiblesse for the absurd, in Camus’s use of the term, that existence is without meaning and purpose, and that beauty lies in –the absurd– meeting between this knowledge and continuing to striving too, despite this knowledge, fill life with love, beauty and personal meaning.

I was born into a classical working class home at 09:28, December 25th 1974, the first child of a young mother and an alcoholic and controlling father; two parents that had the unusually common sense for their time to realise that they should not be together, and thus early becoming a child of separation – my parents were not married. I was doomed to the life of bi-weekend migrations between families – as this was long before the enlightened era where parents manage to handle child care in an adult fashion and share the weeks equally – a conduct that, in my case, created a feeling or rootlessness and a sense of drifting rather than establishing solid connections within either family – my mother and my father’s new families respectively. This rootlessness in turn created the foundation of a lifelong fear of abandonment and also of a shyness that manifested itself in an extroverted way – acting like the class clown, hiding emotions behind first erratic behavior and later, as I grew older and developed an arsenal of wit and amassed at least a modicum of knowledge – in early attempts at humor. I also developed the foundation of a contrarian mindset that is still present to this day. I despise the consensus – mainly because a consensus promotes a lack of progress and a lack of progress is the base definition of death. However, when I was a child the main reason for causing disruption, even if I was not aware of it at the time, was that it is easier to hide where there is disorder. Being judged by one’s behavior was far more preferable to being judged on who I actually was.

It was at this age, around the age of seven or eight, that I came to the conclusion that religion was not the answer. Being introduced to a light version of Christianity in an after-school setting, being taught the core concepts of the New Testament, I promptly told the teacher that it was nonsense and, if I recall correctly, was not invited back for the second semester. Much to my mother’s dismay, I presume. By this time, we had left Uppsala and moved out into the countryside, a move that lead to an increased isolation on my behalf – this suited me perfectly as my main interests, especially as I started fourth grade, turned into literature and music. My mother had always read out loud for us when we were little, and I have always had a strong imagination – making the immersion into literature both smooth and welcome. Music also became an important present at this early age – literature and music has followed me ever since. The main part of the eighties was spent in my room reading and listening to music.

What beautiful time it was.

Reading has had a huge impact on the forming of the person that I am today. All adults that I was surrounded by, in a formative sense – part from teachers – lacked any higher education and we did not really discuss much at, particularly not on my mother’s side, where I spent most of my time. My father, on the other hand – and this is based on long term memories, I cannot vouch for the validity of these memories as I have not spoken to the man in over 20 years – had a creative side – he tried to keep up to date, enjoyed certain intellectual activities. And whisky. And to listen to music. And whisky. And occasionally to beat his kids. Personally, I can’t remember to have ever being beaten by him, that seem to have developed later. My two brothers on my father’s side got to take the brunt of it as I can remember, however – he also had a knack for the words and was happy to share his opinions on how useless we were. That one has stuck with me. As I grew up and became older, and also stronger, this abuse increasingly became a greater and greater problem for me – culminating in me eventually starting to step between my father and my younger siblings when he got ”into the mood”. Eventually, however, I came to the point where I could not keep doing this and as I neared adulthood the relationship with my father and also my father’s side of the family slowly ebbed out. Initially, and for some years I felt that I had let my siblings to fend for themselves, but that feeling is long since passed. I have processed this, and I have moved on. It had to be done.

I once asked my mother why they did not put any pressure on us when we were younger. Why they never pushed us to do better in school or had any opinions on what we choose to study in high school. The answer was that they wanted to let us choose for ourselves, that we should study what we wanted. The guidance counselor, I remember, told me to look find a job in a warehouse. Packing vegetables at the COOP. The direct result of that was that I ended up studying for two years to become a bricklayer. I had no ambitions. I choose what I knew, since my stepfather and my father both worked in construction. I should not have been there. My only proper skills after being through the Swedish school system in the 80’s and early 90’s was a decent grasp of English. There were no jobs for me in construction, nor would I have been interested if there were any. If change was to come it was not through family, the school system or anything else. It was through me.

Looking back, however, it is interesting to see how much my life has been formed from the experiences of these formative years. I have no friends or acquaintances from before I started studying at university for the first time in 1998. Non whatsoever. I was social, I had friends – but I have never been sentimental – and I would rather let friendships run out from time or distance. No strong ties, no risk for emotional trauma. One might say that I started to reconstruct my life in my early twenties, I got into a new profession, I applied and got accepted into Grythyttan, Sweden’s premier hospitality industry education, a higher education under the management of the university of Örebro. This pretty much meant everything. Getting away from Uppsala and then – by the slight detour of three years in Grythyttan – to Stockholm meant everything. There is a reason why the Stockholm tends to draw people to it: the chance to rebuild yourself, to turn you into the person you want to be, to let yourself take center stage, if you will. Those were the formative years. They were great years. Working in the restaurant business in Stockholm in the early 2000’s was a smorgasbord of hedonism; food, wine, spirits, drugs. The sky was the limit. What a time to be young. And had not an underlying feeling that there must be more to life kept on nagging me I’d probably still be there today, standing on the brink of being a burned out wreck – but instead I got out, I diversified and got into wine import, into copywriting, photography – always searching; and I think that I am finally starting to get an idea.

I woke up one morning in December 2018, taking stock of my life. What I had done, where I had been, where I was and what I wanted to do. The same day I applied for a late admission course at Södertörn and started studying the very next month. I am very curious to see where I will end up.

#the DEW line #psychology #mischel #essay #forfunsies

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phonaesthemes · 4 years ago

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a list of asks

@padawanyugi tagged me in this, but Tumblr decided to eat any notification that I got tagged, so I’m glad I saw it on my dash because I like filling these things out. Thanks for tagging me! I may have typed A Lot.

Favorites: What types of books do you enjoy? Tell about what you’ve read recently (Or maybe about a book you hated recently!)I like spec-fic and sci-fi, although less “hard” science fiction, and I also enjoy fantasy. I read a lot of YA even though I’m in my 30s just because it seems easy to find a story I want to read and I’m not usually in the mood for dense prose.

I’ve been rereading the Wheel of Time series since it’s getting an Amazon TV show; it was my first non-LOTR fantasy series and I love it to death, warts and all, although I love joking about the weak points with other people who’ve read it. I think the last other thing I read was A Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue, which was a queer YA historical fiction, and it was a lot of fun. I wish I’d had access to all these queer stories when I was an actual teenager, but better late than never.

What types of music do you like to listen to? Share five songs from your music library. I really do like a bit of everything, although I gravitate towards certain genres more often depending on the season or time of day, so I’m going to cheat and pick 5 per season. Summer for me is lots of peppy pop (pride playlists!), punk and rock and punk-adjacent stuff, just upbeat stuff in general. -Weekender, by The Royal They -Break My Heart, by Dua Lipa -Toutes les femmes savent danser, by Loud -Ruby Soho, by Rancid -Womanarchist, by Bad Cop, Bad Cop

In the fall, my inner goth kid craves darkwave, goth rock, dramatic folk, roots rock, and also anything that reminds me of Halloween. -Iuka, by the Secret Sisters -Bela Lugosi’s Dead, by Bauhaus -How’s It Gonna End, by Tom Waits -Under the Milky Way, by The Church -I Put a Spell on You, by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins I could go on about the Christmas music I like at length (Boney M’s Christmas album slaps, ngl) but I’ll just skip that and say that I listen to more classical and piano pieces in the winter. I’m terrible at remembering names, so artists only: -Ludovico Einaudi -Chopin -Debussy -Saint-Saëns -Dvořák And in spring I’m usually just depressed af and listen to whatever. -FML, by K.Flay -Weird Part of the Night, by Louis Cole -Juodaan Viinaa, by Korpiklaani -P.O.H.U.I., by Carla’s Dreams -Marryuna, by Baker Boy

Do you have a show or movie that you can just put on anytime and it’s your comfort? Definitely Star Trek. I’ve rewatched the various iterations (except TOS) so many times. Also Mean Girls and Bring It On, idk why.

Do you have a favorite dessert? Tiramisu or creme brulée! Or macarons. I don’t eat dessert really unless I’m at a restaurant.

Do you have a favorite cold drink? Sparkling water, hands down.

Do you have a favorite game? The hours I have put into the SIms in my lifetime is probably shameful, although I haven’t played in a while. Don’t Starve is another contender for hours played, but I am also really fond everything by Amanita Design

Do you have a favorite part of your self care/beauty/health routine? I haven’t been doing it much lately since I’ve been dealing with some uncertain health issues with my joints (actually have a rheumatologist appointment later today), but savasana after a long yoga workout is borderline ecstasy.

Do you have a favorite type of take-out food? Indian for sure.

What’s your favorite type of exercise/physical activity? I have a love-hate relationship with running. I don’t actually love it but I love how I feel after. I really enjoy yoga. I love playing in the water at the beach, bodyboarding and swimming.

Pick between: (you choose the context)

Cook or bake? (I love cooking A Lot)

Space or ocean? (Hard to pick, but I grew up by the ocean and it’s 100% my happy place)

Chocolate or vanilla?

City or suburb or rural? (I grew up in an isolated rural village and I miss the quiet and the slower pace of life, but I do not miss the lack of amenities and opportunities, or the smalltown gossip. I also don’t drive bc of epilepsy, so I’m fucked as far as transport in rural settings.)

Past or future?

Shower in the morning or evening?

Mac/Apple or PC/Android? (Linux in general!)

Sing or dance? (I don’t have an amazing voice but I can carry a tune without it being painful, and I love singing along with songs.)

Get up early or sleep in? (I actually love sleeping in but with two kids, early morning is my only time to myself, so I wake up before 6 most days AGGH.)

Shoes, socks, or bare feet? (Hate socks. I’m barefoot at home all year round.)

Marker, crayon, or pencil? Pen!

Tea, coffee, or hot chocolate? (Coffee in the morning, tea later on.)

Random questions:

Have you ever had any pets? (Had dogs and a cat as a kid, and as an adult I’ve had betta fish and cats, and I have a cat currently.)

What is your academic background/job field? I did my undergrad in linguistics, and I am currently a stay-at-home dad lol. I do freelance editing and transcription on the side. I don’t think I’ll ever work in my field bc I really don’t have the energy to go to grad school.

What’s something random that you’re into (even if you aren’t good at it)? I signed up for a Cape Breton step dancing class in university and I loved it.

Are you good at putting away your clean laundry right away? It depends on the day, but generally yes. Mine and everyone else’s. When I lived alone? Absolutely not.

What’s one of your pet peeves? Someone trying to have a conversation with me when they have the radio or TV on. I can’t follow what you’re saying if someone else is speaking! I hate having that stuff on as background noise in general.

What’s something you’re pretty good at? I’m a great cook.

What’s the most recent nice thing you bought for yourself? A new conditioner ig? lol

Can you sew? I can mend a small tear or sew on a button, but it’s been years since I did more than that.

What’s a chore you hate (or a chore you enjoy)? I hate vacuuming so much. So much. Maybe if I had a better vaccuum cleaner I wouldn’t mind it, but I just feel like I’m fighting with the stupid thing, getting caught up on its own cords, caught on furniture, can’t quiiiite reach a spot... HATE IT. I like shoveling snow sometimes, though.

Tell us a fun fact about yourself. I am 20 years older than my youngest sibling, and five minutes younger than my “oldest” sibling.

Never have I ever... Gone fishing, even though I’m from a fishing community.

What extracurriculars did/do you do in school? In high school, I played trumpet in band until the band got dissolved from lack of funding. I played soccer one year, was in a play another year. We had an art club for like a semester that I was in. In university the first time round, I did step dancing and intramural hide and seek Second time around, I was in the linguistics club to help with assignments. (We were very much encouraged to work in pairs or groups for a lot of different classes. The only thing was that you did need to list your group members on the assignment so the prof knew who you worked with. My first morphology class in particular, we had a whole homework club where a huge portion of the class got together to work through assignments and help each other understand, and the prof would quite often show up. </tangent>

Deeper questions:

How’s your quarantine/last few months been? The cabin fever was really bad before the weather warmed up. I struggle with seasonal depression every spring, and it’s gotten much worse since we moved to Edmonton because of how long the winters are. (Snow from September to May/June? Fucccck.) It’s frankly horrifying to look at what’s going on in the US, but even though we have far fewer cases here, I’m really anxious that we’ll see another wave soon. Otherwise, I think I’ve adjusted. Home-schooling, hand-sanitizing, social distancing, masks...All feels kind of normal now, which should maybe concern me.

What do you think of human nature/society/etc.? I am like the least philosophical person you will meet so I don’t think I really have many thoughts.

What’s something you are insecure about? Writing my L2 if a native speaker is gonna read it.

What do you think is the meaning of life/reason that humans exist in the universe? I don’t think there is one, and that doesn’t bother me.

Do you think you’re better (whatever that means to you) than you used to be? Definitely. My adolescence and early adulthood was rough. I was dealing with a lot of trauma, untreated bipolar disorder, and I self-harmed for a very long time. I could not imagine making it to 30, let alone being stable and happy. I actively avoided thinking about the future because it made me spiral. But I was lucky enough to get help, consistent help from a doctor I clicked with, and it made a world of difference. I think younger me would be disappointed at how mundane my life is, but I’m thrilled to be boring because boring means no life-upending mood episodes. I have a happy partnership and two delightful kids and I couldn’t ask for more.

What are your thoughts on religion? I’m not religious and my own experience being raised in the Catholic church was frankly traumatic, but I know that it’s a source of comfort and community for many others and I think that’s awesome for them.

Do you think that there are aliens out there? I think so, although I think that we may not even know what other kinds of life to look for and may not recognize it even if we find it.

What’s something that’s been on your mind recently? We’re moving cross-country in less than a month (driving, no less, nearly 5000 km) and I still have so much to do to get ready aosjdoajdoasijdoaijsd

#personal #long post #in which i ramble about myself a great deal #@padawanyugi

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lingthusiasm · 6 years ago

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Transcript Episode 30: Why do we gesture when we talk?

This is a transcript for Lingthusiasm Episode 30: Why do we gesture when we talk? (Gestures are part of language). It’s been lightly edited for readability. For this special video episode, you can watch the video here. Listen to the episode here or wherever you get your podcasts. Links to studies mentioned and further reading can be found on the Episode 30 show notes page.

[Music]

Gretchen: Welcome to Lingthusiasm, a podcast that’s enthusiastic about linguistics! I’m Gretchen McCulloch.

Lauren: And I’m Lauren Gawne. And in today’s episode, we’re getting enthusiastic about the gestures that we make when we speak. But first, welcome to our first video episode.

Gretchen: Video!

Lauren: Very exciting. Thanks to our patrons, we reached a funding goal where we were able to pay for the extra production costs to have a video. And, of course, as soon as we decided that, I couldn’t help but hope that we would do a gesture episode. And so that is our first video episode.

Gretchen: So you can see the gestures. This is also being released as an audio episode in the normal feed, so if you’re hearing this, you can listen to it audio-only, but you will miss some of the gestures. So you can go to YouTube.com/lingthusiasm to see the full gesture-y version.

[Music]

Gretchen: And now gestures. Lauren, they’re really cool. You’ve done proper research on these.

Lauren: I have, yes.

Gretchen: How did you get into gestures?

Lauren: I did a Bachelor of Arts undergraduate and, like many people, kind of found linguistics in my first year of doing an undergraduate degree and thought, “This subject is so cool!” that I was still doing it, and I was majoring in it by the end of my third year. And in the last semester of third year, I thought linguistics was cool, but I really thought that I wanted to do further study in art history. And then in the final class, the final semester, I took a subject called “Language and Culture” with Barb Kelly, who I blame a lot of my –

Gretchen: Barb Kelly is great.

Lauren: – interests on. One week of this class on language and culture was about this topic of gesture studies that she’d done some work in. And by the time you get to third year of linguistics, you kind of know about sounds, and phonetics, and syntax, and sentence structure...

Gretchen: And you think you kind of know it all.

Lauren: Yeah, and you especially think you know it all by the end of third year, and that completely changes the more that you study and the less, you realise, you knew. And learning about gesture was one of those moments where I was just like “There’s this whole part of language that I’ve never thought of before.” And within about two weeks of that set of lectures, I had changed my major and changed my future study plans. I kind of jumped in deep.

Gretchen: Yeah.

Lauren: And I have not regretted it ever since.

Gretchen: I only really found out about gesture because of you and because we were talking about part of my book that looks at emoji, and you were like, “There’s actually some gesture stuff that’s relevant to this.”

Lauren: Yes, I’m so pleased that I managed to convince you to reference gesture even in the book on the internet where there’s technically no people around to gesture. We still found that gesture was relevant.

Gretchen: Well, and I had the same experience of just – this was more recently – just thinking I knew most of how linguistics works and then walking around being like “This is so cool.” I’m slightly spying on people in restaurants and around me. I’m like “They’re using gestures so much.”

Lauren: It’s true. Once you start paying attention to gesture, it’s really hard to stop. And I really apologise to all of you watching this video who are now gonna be analysing our gestures. I’m sure Gretchen’s gonna spend half the episode watching her own hands.

Gretchen: Yeah, this is what I was doing. I was typing with one hand [gestures one hand typing, one hand raised], and I was like “Okay, so if I do this [positions raised hand] …if I do this [repositions raised hand] …” with the other hand. It was very…

Lauren: You begin to see language as being a much bigger thing and used in a whole different way.

Gretchen: Yeah, absolutely. So that kind brings us to our first big idea in gesture, which is that it helps with thinking.

Lauren: Yeah, so I think the important thing to say is, as far as we know, everyone in every culture that we’ve come across, and speakers of all languages, gesture. In the way that we think of language as something that all humans have, gesture is part of that. We haven’t come across a speech community yet who don’t have gesture in their communicative, little toolkit. Even – I mean, not “even” – but that also includes signed languages. And, you know, admittedly, it’s a bit of a grey area for some of them because both the gesture and the sign component use the same materials. For speakers of spoken languages, you obviously have two different channels happening. You have the spoken channel and the hand channel for the gestures. But signed languages do have components that really should be analysed gesturally. I remember when I was learning – I was in an Auslan class. And our Auslan professor was showing us a story that someone was telling in Auslan. And then they asked us to kind of pick out the signs. He wanted us to tell him what vocabulary we got from the story. And there were a couple of items where we were like “He opens a can.” And the sign teacher was like “Oh, that’s not a sign, though. That’s just a gesture.” You could see people in the class were really like, kind of – not confused, but there is a boundary between what is a lexical item and what is just a gestural representation from the story.

Gretchen: So the kind of thing you might find in a signed dictionary that is specifically listing the signs and how they interact with each other grammatically? And you just decide to spontaneously do that because that’s how you’d interact with the world, or…?

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: That’s what you’re trying to convey?

Lauren: So that’s kind of a good example. But all languages, regardless of whether they’re spoken or signed, also use gesture as part of their communicative skillset.

Gretchen: An important part of the communicative skillset because it helps do things like solve puzzles?

Lauren: Yes, it helps you do all kinds of cognitive things. If you are doing, particularly, spacial things – so if you’re talking about directions or the relationships between objects – you tend to gesture more frequently. If you are trying to solve – you know those rotation puzzles that they make you do in IQ tests, and memory tests, and that kind of stuff?

Gretchen: “Which of these figures is a rotation of the one up here?”

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: And people will imaginarily gesture them?

Lauren: [Gestures holding a round object and turning it different ways] If people gesture to kind of figure out the rotation, they tend to perform better. What’s really cool is the gesture seems to activate that kind of space-y part of the brain. And so if you tell people to do it for the first set of an experiment, if you get them to do the same kind of activity five minutes later, they’ll still remember – even if they’re not gesturing this time, their brain is more warmed up for the spatial stuff. They’ll still do better the second time around as well.

Gretchen: Oh, that’s really neat.

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: Yeah.

Lauren: There’s lots of great experiments. There’s a really great summary paper that I’ll link to in the show notes about that and some other experiments.

Gretchen: And I think when kids are learning how to do math, you can tell them to gesture, and count on their fingers, and stuff like that?

Lauren: There is a lot of work in the teaching space that gesture really helps with acquiring abstract, complex mathematical concepts.

Gretchen: And I think it’s probably worth mentioning here that we’re talking about the kinds of gestures you do at the same time as speech, and they happen very much in parallel with speech. [Makes a continuous chop-like gesture with her hand] So, as I’m saying each syllable, hey, look, I’m gesturing at the same time! Now it broke. I started laughing.

Lauren: And the thing is, it’s true. What’s really impressive about that is, if you think about – if [gestures the round object] you do the rotation task, I’m starting to move my hand at the [gestures the round object] “and you do” so that it’s ready for the rotation task bit, which means that my brain knows where I want to get to, to make this gesture happen at the same time as “rotation task.” So I’m starting to move before I’ve even said that bit. The gesture and speech are really closely timed there, and we can really mess this up for people. Some of the gesture experiments often sound a bit mean.

Gretchen: Oh, no!

Lauren: But we can really mess this up for people by putting headphones on and delaying their speech by just a fraction of a second.

Gretchen: Okay.

Lauren: And if we delay the way someone speaks so they hear their own voice back a few milliseconds afterwards, it actually just completely disrupts their ability to gesture.

Gretchen: This sounds terrible.

Lauren: It’s really, really mean. Another thing that we can do is we can often make people more disfluent by preventing them from moving their hands while they talk.

Gretchen: Yeah, there’s this terrible, hilarious experiment where they get people, and they put them in chairs, and they say, “Actually, what we’re studying is the physiographical measurements of whether your skin is conducting electricity,” and so they strap them down, and they put fake electrodes on their skin.

Lauren: And so they get them sitting here, and then they ask them to tell a story, and it increases disfluency. It makes it harder to –

Gretchen: So they say more “um”’s and “ah”’s?

Lauren: They find it harder to remember words, and it’s usually more likely to be nouns. So there’s something about gesturing that helps us remain fluent. And I think it’s part of why there’s that public speaking training thing that trains people to use their gestures more because there is a link between fluently gesturing and fluently speaking.

Gretchen: Or trains people to do big, simple, bold gestures rather than putting your hand in pocket and jiggling with your coins, or tapping you pen, or something that can be a more distracting gesture because it adds audio. Although, I guess classically, you don’t really consider tapping a pen to be a gesture because you have an object, but…

Lauren: There’s a whole kind of relationship between what’s a gesture and what isn’t.

Gretchen: There’s a whole taxonomy. But you can substitute those kinds of repetitive movements for a proper gesture that makes you look more sophisticated as a speaker?

Lauren: Sure. And it may actually help you speak more fluently in more fluent sentences, which is a nice benefit as well.

Gretchen: I also really like the bit about when kids are learning words – so kids: They’re first learning words. And they go through this one-word stage, and they learn things like “doggy” and “mama” and “papa” and “water” and stuff like this, and then eventually they end up at this two-word stage. Before that…?

Lauren: There’s this really nice period in between where we have the – so gestures are kind of important for adults and in their ability to speak fluently. But when we look at children, we also see that between the one-word phase and the two-word phase is this phase that you may not even be paying attention to as a parent, but as a gesture-researcher, I’m paying a lot of attention to, which is the one-word plus one-gesture phase. And so you’ll often get things like [gestures straight, extended arm with fingers in a continues grabbing motion] “want,” or…

Gretchen: Or like [gestures the extended arm] “cookie” or something like this? Like, “I want the cookie.”

Lauren: Yes, well, [points to her right] we’ve got some over there. [Both gesture the extended arm toward the right] It’s “biscuit.”

Gretchen: “Bikky”?

Lauren: [Gestures the extended arm] My child will say “bikky” or “biscuit,” and they’ll do the grabbing, which means – it’s a complex little bit of language there. They’re not just saying, [generally gestures to the right with her hand] “Oh, there is a biscuit.”

Gretchen: “Lo, biscuit!”

Lauren: They are saying, “I would like that biscuit” or “I want biscuit.”

Gretchen: “Give me that biscuit” or “Eat the biscuit.”

Lauren: So they’re not saying, “Want biscuit,” which would be a nice two-word phase, they’re saying – or “Give me biscuit” or something – they’re saying, “biscuit,” and they’re doing this gesture. And the gesture acts like the verb-y bit of that sentence.

Gretchen: Or kind of classic [points center-right] “Doggy!”

Lauren: Yes.

Gretchen: Like, “Look! A dog!”

Lauren: [Generally gestures center-right with both hands] “Mum, I am alerting you to the fact that there is a dog here,” which is a bit beyond most 18-month-olds, so…

Gretchen: If anyone could have it, it would be you.

Lauren: We have a really great, increasingly robust set of research that shows that the one-word, one-gesture phase is a really great predictor that two words are just around the corner!

Gretchen: Oooh, that’s great.

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: Gesture is also influenced by the grammatical structure of the language?

Lauren: Yes, so everyone does gesture across languages and across cultures. There is some amount of – there’s a lot of stereotypes about different cultures gesturing more or gesturing in particular ways. There is some evidence that some of that is true. But, actually, there’s so much variation between individual speakers in languages, and even for an individual speaker in different contexts, that a lot of those generalisations are actually quite hard to really quite capture. And that’s why I like gesture. There are so many more questions to ask, and we need to think of ways to ask them, compared to the corpus analysis you can do for spoken language.

Gretchen: And it’s a really new field, I think, definitely facilitated by the fact that we have easy access to video now. And it’s a lot easier to pause frame-by-frame than back when – even when video was film or when there was not video at all, and to go through and annotate for all the different gestures and these kinds of things.

Lauren: Even the idea of a large corpus to study in gesture is excitingly new. And being able to go back and see what people did and being able to share that with other people – it’s one thing to record it. It’s another thing to be able to pop it up on YouTube or something like that for other people to see.

Gretchen: Yeah, I mean, rather than mail VHS cassettes around the world? Oh, this sounds really painful.

Lauren: It was a thing that we had to do, so…

Gretchen: Or make line drawings so you can include them in your paper, rather than just saying, “The gestures for this can all be found at this nice URL.”

Lauren: Yeah, “Here’s a nice photographic still of it, and you can actually see all the videos,” is a really exciting development in gesture.

Gretchen: One of my favourite examples of gesture mirroring the structure of language is from a talk that I saw by Goldin-Meadow a couple years ago. She gives this example with English and Turkish, but it works in French as well. And I actually speak French, so I’m gonna use French for the example.

Lauren: Yeah, that’s fine. I won’t make you speak Turkish.

Gretchen: I know, like, a couple words in Turkish, but I couldn’t pronounce it with confidence so… So in English, if you ask English speakers to gesture [gestures a rolling motion with one hand] “The ball is rolling down the hill,” [Lauren gestures rolling motion with one finger moving toward her left] or even if you make them – [gestures drawing a circular path in the air with one finger]. Or if you make them do it without words alongside, you’ll often get something like [gestures a linear path going from her upper left to lower right] [Lauren gestures a linear path going from her upper left to lower right while indicating a rolling motion with one finger] “down,” like “rolling down the hill.” And then if you get Turkish speakers to do the gesture, or French speakers, in those languages, rather than have – so in English, the verb-part is “roll.” And then we have and additional bit that’s “down.” Whereas, in French, the verb part is “to descend,” “descendre” – “to go down.” And then you have to add on, separately, the “rolling” bit. So the [both gesture the linear path] directional gesture doesn’t necessarily have [gestures the linear, rolling path] “rolling down” at the same time – if I got that right?

Lauren: You did get that right. That is correct. Good work.

Gretchen: And so people reflect this grammatical structure difference in how they gesture about things doing these types of actions.

Lauren: And not just because I’m very well-trained, and going along with what Gretchen said, that people weren’t being called attention to for this, they would just watch – English speakers, and French speakers, or Turkish speakers would watch exactly the same video of a nice little tomato rolling down a hill. Or another study that’s very famous for this is Asli Özyürek and Sotaro Kita’s work, where they made people watch a Looney Tunes cartoon. One of the characters goes rolling across the screen. And, even though they watch exactly the same video, when they’re telling the story, their gestures align with the grammatical structure of the language. So a language like English where that way of rolling is really closely linked into the verb, [gestures the linear, rolling path] that will all be integrated. And then for Turkish or French, they're more interested in the path, [gestures the linear path] so that descent, and then [gestures a rolling motion with her finger] if there is rolling, it’s indicated separately. And so you see that the grammar of the language shape those particular gestures.

Gretchen: Which I always thought was cool because it’s not just “rolling” and “down.” All of the verbs of manner like “rolling” and “jumping” and “bouncing” in English are verb-y. And I’d been like “Oh, yeah, in French, you have to say, ‘to descend while jumping’ or ‘to descend while rolling’ or ‘to ascend while jumping.’” And even in English, if you want to say this, you have to borrow these very French-y/Latin-y verbs to be able to do that.

Lauren: And we know that this is not just because English speakers watch each other all the time and learn these gestures by habit, or Turkish speakers watch each other all the time, because there was a follow-up study by some of the original authors that looked at what happens with people who are blind from birth. And even if you’ve never seen other people gesture – the fact that people still gesture if they’re blind from birth is quite interesting in and of itself. But the people who gestured, gestured pretty much the exact same way in terms of that [gestures linear, rolling path] “rolling down the hill” or [gestures the linear path, and then a rolling motion with her finger] “descending and rolling” than other people who speak the language. So it seems to be something deeply embedded cognitively and not something that we just learn by habit.

Gretchen: Yeah, so it’s not like we learn by seeing the gestures from other people, we learn it from the grammar of the language, and we gesture that way spontaneously.

Lauren: Another nice piece of evidence for that is some of those original authors also did a follow-up looking at what happens as Japanese speakers learn English.

Gretchen: Okay.

Lauren: And the studies so far indicate that they do behave differently – they don’t behave exactly the same as English speakers, but when they’re speaking English, they behave more like the English speakers than their Japanese-speaking counterparts.

Gretchen: Okay, so they’ve acquired something of the gestural system as they acquire the language?

Lauren: Yeah, as they acquire the language it kind of re-shapes how they conceptualise the movement as well when they re-tell those activities.

Gretchen: I should volunteer for the French/English version of the study.

Lauren: There are increasingly some studies about what happens with your gesture in your second language, so you may be a participant in a future study.

Gretchen: All right, hit me up! I wanna do this.

Lauren: Excellent.

Gretchen: We’re kind of heading into there already. So gesture helps with thinking, and gesture also helps with communicating?

Lauren: Yes.

Gretchen: It’s not just “Okay, English – I gesture like an English speaker, and that’s just how I’m gonna gesture.” It’s also that I can convey certain things with gestures?

Lauren: Yes, so we can modify our gestures the way we modify our language to be helpful. And I think sometimes it’s good to think about gesture as being good for us in our own thinking as well as being good for communication. Some people try and make a claim that it’s more important for one or the other. I think that takes all the fun out of it.

Gretchen: It’s both.

Lauren: I think gestures are so great, they can do both.

Gretchen: As the gif goes [gestures a shrugging motion with hands and arms turned upward] “Why not both?”

Lauren: [gestures the same] “Why not both?” We see with communication – so maybe just to make you hypothesise, Gretchen…

Gretchen: Okay?

Lauren: If we had someone speaking into a telephone versus someone – they’re hands-free. We’ll give them their hands – someone speaking into a telephone versus someone in a face-to-face conversation, who would you imagine gestures more?

Gretchen: Probably the face-to-face conversation.

Lauren: Yeah, because…?

Gretchen: Because the other person can actually see the gestures, and they’re useful.

Lauren: Yeah, we can increase the frequency. Even if we’re speaking into a telephone versus speaking into a Dictaphone that we think no one will ever listen to again, we’re even less likely, for the Dictaphone, to gesture because we don’t think our communication is going to anyone, so we probably just don’t try as a hard to communicate at all.

Gretchen: What if you’re talking to yourself, and you’re not being recorded at all, do you still gesture?

Lauren: Yeah, people a lot of times gesture to themselves.

Gretchen: I mean, I guess you would. But would you gesture more because I can see myself when I’m talking to myself?

Lauren: We’ll have to run an experiment.

Gretchen: We’ll have to run this study.

Lauren: So, yeah, we do gesture. We do tend to gesture more if we’re in a face-to-face situation because we know that our gestures are gonna be helpful to the other person.

Gretchen: I really loved the follow-up study to this, which was – or not necessarily by the same people, but a similar vein – where people are cooperative or feeling un-cooperative.

Lauren: Ah, yeah, so this is – we gesture more if we’re face-to-face with someone and our gestures are gonna be interpreted as useful. But if we’re gesturing to someone competitively versus if we’re gesturing to someone who we’re cooperating with – this was a study where they had people playing a game. They taught one person the rules of the game. And then they said, “We’re gonna bring in someone else.” And for half the participants they said, “This person is your collaborator. If you work together, you’ll be able to earn more points and win.”

Gretchen: It’s one of those games where you have to set some objects in an area or something like this? Probably?

Lauren: Yeah. And then other half of the people, they said, “We’re gonna bring someone in, and you’re gonna teach this person the game, but then you’re gonna compete against each other in it.” And they found that people actually made the same number of gestures. So it’s not just about the frequency. What they found differed was the quality and size of the gestures.

Gretchen: Oh, so you make bad gestures to people you don’t like?

Lauren: You might still make all these gestures, but communicatively, you make them clearer to the person that you want to help more.

Gretchen: So instead of being like [leans over and points to a spot on the table in front of her] “Put this right here” you’re like [generally gestures toward the table with her hand, palm up] “Yeah, just put it over there.”

Lauren: Yeah, that’s what they found.

Gretchen: That’s so good.

Lauren: The communication – the fact that we’re face-to-face – makes us want to help people more, but only if we want to be helpful to them.

Gretchen: I really wanted to know how they got people to be mad. I thought they were told somebody – “Oh, this person’s been spreading rumours about your behind your back,” they just told them it was a competition. That’s very simple.

Lauren: They just told them it was a good old competition, so… Yeah, next time you’re teaching someone how to play a board game, make note of whether you’re going to be playing with them or against them and see –

Gretchen: Well, there are some games that are collaborative. Like Pandemic’s collaborative, so maybe people are gonna be more cooperative in their gestures, versus something like Risk where you’re also going around the world but trying to compete.

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: We’ll have to do a study.

Lauren: Gestures are also useful communicatively because they can give information that’s not in the spoken channel. For those rolling gestures that we talked about before, some of the studies have gone back and looked at – they’ve just kind of quickly counted whether people gestured in the same direction as the original video that they watched.

Gretchen: Okay.

Lauren: And people do this more than 90% of the time. If you watch a character go from one side [hold up left hand] of the screen [holds up right hand] to the other, you’ll represent those gestures [holds up left hand then right hand] in the same direction that you saw them.

Gretchen: In the same way, rather than spontaneously flipping it for no reason?

Lauren: Yeah, and you don’t say, “It rolled down the hill from the left top of the screen to the bottom right of the screen,” but your interlocuter – to use the fancy word – the person you’re talking to – to use the normal words – will also tend to remember that you gave that information, not consciously necessarily, but it’s part of the information – you get a slightly different set of information from gestures.

Gretchen: Does this work the same way for all languages? So, if not all languages have words for “left” and “right,” does it still do the same thing?

Lauren: It really depends on the interactional context. Again, I think this is a general thing we can say about gesture research is that there is just so much that hasn’t been done. The work that has been done has been done on a very small set of, usually European, languages. So for a lot of these things we can often say, “That’s a great question. Hopefully, someone will do this work.”

Gretchen: “Stay tuned for the next exciting three decades in gesture research.”

Lauren: Basically. And it’s part of why I get really excited about it. When my students ask questions, I say, “That is genuinely a good question, and we’d love to know.”

Gretchen: “No one has ever answered it yet.”

Lauren: “You might be the person who answers this question or helps us move slightly forward towards it.” Because we have some very narrow contexts in which we know different languages use different elements of gesture to help increase communication. There’s this lovely paper by Joe Blythe, that I’ll also link to along with everything else I’ve talked about so far, about a language called Murrinhpatha in the Northern Territory of Australia. This is a language that has relatively few directional words.

Gretchen: Okay.

Lauren: But when you look at how people talk about different locations, they use so many really rich directional gestures that in many ways, if you were taking a very narrow frame of mind, you might say, “Well, this language is missing all these words.” But if you take a broader few of language and gesture, the language is completely capable of doing everything that English does, it just uses gestures for some of the things that English will use spoken words for.

Gretchen: So instead of saying, as much, “right” and “left,” and “north” and “south,” and stuff like that, they’ll more likely to use gestures for stuff like that?

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: And if people are retelling other people’s stories or something, they’ll do it the same – that information is passed along?

Lauren: That information can be retained, yeah. And there are some languages – so English is very – we remember things in terms of “north” and “south,” usually – [Gretchen gives Lauren a look] in terms of “left” and “right,” usually, definitely not in terms of “north” and “south.”

Gretchen: [holds up hands to either side of herself] You can see my confusing gesture there.

Lauren: For many people who have got themselves completely lost while trying to read a map. But for English speakers we kind of remember things as “left” or “right.” In other cultures – Murrinhpatha isn’t necessarily one of the ones that’s been well-studied for this – but other languages of Australia tend to do all their directions around “north,” “south,” “east,” and “west.” So I’d be sitting to the “north” of you. You’re sitting to the “south” of me. And then when you’re telling –

Gretchen: My south foot and my north foot?

Lauren: Yeah, and so whenever you’re telling a story, they’ll – instead of orienting it – not matter which direction I sit, I’m always gonna do that [gestures a sweeping motion from her left to right] left to right for “from you, to me.” Whereas, a speaker of one of these languages will always gesture from south to north, regardless of what direction they’re sitting in.

Gretchen: That’s so neat.

Lauren: Again, each time we gesture, we’re bringing extra information into the discourse that we might not have from speech, but that is also influenced by the culture and the language that we speak as well.

Gretchen: So we’ve mentioned that a lot of people have mostly studied European languages and gesture, but you have not. You have studied other languages beyond Europe in gesture.

Lauren: Yes, so I started – after that initial, like, “Wow! This field is really interesting,” the first thing I did was some work with English speakers, a little paper looking at just how likely people are to pay attention to particular gestures. So we’ve talked about the kinds of things you do to represent actions or movements in the real world, but there are all kinds of other gestures as well. We haven’t talked about pointing gestures very much. We haven’t talked about the very metaphoric gestures that are not grounded in the physical world. We haven’t even talked about the gestures that have really specific names and we all recognise like the “peace sign” or the “thumbs up.”

Gretchen: I mean, you teach a whole course on gesture, so I think we could do “17 hours later…”

Lauren: Yes, so we’ve just focused on this set. But I was really interested in whether people remembered emblems more – those “thumbs up” and those “peace sign” ones – because they have really clear names. Or if people pay attention to pointing because we often think of pointing as being kind of simple –

Gretchen: The prototypical gesture.

Lauren: – prototypical. So that was some early work I did with English speakers that showed the kinds of things that we study in gesture studies people seem to treat as different from then again other phenomena like facial gestures, or the kinds of the things we do unintentionally like coughing, or those kinds of things. So there’s these whole other things that we can do with our bodies that we also have to think about in terms of these studies but aren’t always directly relevant. So that was –

Gretchen: That was the first gesture thing you did. And you also went to Nepal and did a bunch of – I mean, you did stuff with language in Nepal. Wrote a grammar or two.

Lauren: Yeah, so then, again, under the very good influence of Barb Kelly, went and did fieldwork in Nepal. And I looked at the grammar and spent some time focusing on that. And then I, finally, in the last few years, got to come back to gesture and look what’s happening with gesture in those languages, which is really exciting.

Gretchen: What is happening with gesture? Not that you can say it all now, but is there something that’s happening that’s –

Lauren: There’s so much to ask, and it’s great that we have a really rich corpus of gesture recordings and general recordings that I can now use to study gesture.

Gretchen: So you’ve got a whole bunch of videos you’re now poring through?

Lauren: Yes, and it’s a nice mix of – they do things that are very specific to those stories that they’re telling, and they help them tell the stories. But they’re also the kinds of gestures that we see cropping up in other languages as well and part of what appears to be a set of things that humans tend to be likely to do. One of these is [holds both hands up in front of her, palms facing each other, then flicks the palms in towards her body] this gesture that gets made. It can be used without speech.

Gretchen: [Gestures the same] This kind of thing?

Lauren: It’s kind of a [gestures again] – without speech, it’s a very prominent flicking up, a bit of a shrug, and it’s a like [gestures again, with shrug] “What are you gonna do about it?”

Gretchen: Okay.

Lauren: Fatalistic. But the fact that it can be used as a question – it can just be a tiny flick of the wrist, where people, say, are asking a question or they’re a bit unsure. Someone might be telling a story, and they’re like [gestures again, but with right hand only] “What do I say next?”

Gretchen: Is it always two-handed? Do you get one-handed ones?

Lauren: No, it can be one-handed. There’s lots of variation. And you see it across the larger – I look at it specifically how it’s used by Syuba speakers, who speak a Tibetan language in Nepal. But we see this handshape used for questions cropping up all over Southeast Asia and in India and Pakistan and Nepal. And we also see it related to a lot of other – [both gesture a shrug, hands up, palms up] palms up as question. I think a shrug is very familiar to English speakers. And so kind of looking at the very specifics of how it’s done in this culture but thinking about it in terms of the larger –

Gretchen: The larger family of shrug gestures?

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: That’s super neat.

Lauren: Yeah, it’s really great.

Gretchen: Like the “I have nothing in my hands, and I’m gonna show off how empty my hands are” or something.

Lauren: Yeah, there’s a whole set of arguments around why, across speakers of English and speakers of Syuba – it’s not a like a historical, related-language thing. It just seems to be something about the way humans think, and think about space, and how they use their hands.

Gretchen: Because we’ve all got the same – mostly the same – set of hands.

Lauren: Yeah.

Gretchen: We can do very similar things with them.

Lauren: We all experience our little – we talk about the “meat puppets” sometimes. The way that these meat puppets move through space and time. We all kind of do the same thing, and we can draw on the same resources.

Gretchen: That’s really neat. I think that’s what makes gesture studies super interesting. It’s another way of looking at, not just the stuff that you can articulate outside, through your throat, which you can’t always see unless you get a little camera or something going. Gestures are very there, and you can see what’s going on with them.

Lauren: You’ll probably notice them for the next day, at least. You’ll be paying attention to what everyone is doing with their hands.

Gretchen: Have fun with that. We’ve both been there. It’s a fun position to be in. Don’t spy on people too hard, but maybe just a tiny bit.

[Music]

Lauren: For more Lingthusiasm, and links to everything mentioned in this episode, go to lingthusiasm.com. You can listen to Lingthusiasm wherever you get your podcasts. You can even subscribe on YouTube. You can follow @Lingthusiasm on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, and Tumblr. I tweet and blog as Superlinguo.

Gretchen: I can be found as @GretchenAMcC on Twitter, my blog is AllThingsLinguistic.com. To listen to bonus episodes, and help keep the show ad-free, go to patreon.com/lingthusiasm or follow the links in the description. Our patrons allow us to do things like make this special video episode about gesture. Thanks everybody! Can’t afford to pledge? That’s okay too. We also really appreciate if you can recommend Lingthusiasm to anyone who needs a little more linguistics in their life.

Lauren: Lingthusiasm is created and produced by Gretchen McCulloch and Lauren Gawne, our audio and video producer is Claire Gawne, our editorial producers are A.E. Prevost and Sarah Dopierala, and our editorial manager is Emily Gref, our music is “Ancient Cities” by The Triangles.

Gretchen: Stay lingthusiastic!

Lauren: Stay lingthusiastic!

[Music]

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