#i’ll either go alone or with a friend
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cloudshapedpatch · 1 year ago
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i finally got tickets to see my all time fave music artist!!! im going to california!!!
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valewritessss · 3 months ago
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Growing up as an only child people would always like talking to me and say I’m nice and generous then when they found out that I’m an only child they’d tell me “oh so you’re spoiled and don’t know how to share?”. And it was always so frustrating because why would I be spoiled? Yes both of my parents attention was only on me but they raised me right? And I’ve met people that are spoiled and not brats, like spoiled brat and spoiled are two different things.
And I love sharing and always have bc I never had anyone to share with so I like letting other people use my stuff. One of my friends that I did so many things for all of middle school (I gave her homework answers, pencils, erasers, bandaids, some of my lunch, gum, etc) told me that I don’t know how to share because I’m an only child. We’re not friends anymore because at one point she started rushing me to do my work so she could copy and she would not let me concentrate and she wouldn’t copy my shit while I was doing it and then she’d get mad at me because she was failing. But anyway, I was a little mad because you KNOW me, but you’re just gonna say that because why, exactly? It was like people were always telling me what I should be like and telling me that I don’t understand any childhood experiences.
And then I get told I must not know how to compromise just because I’m an only child? Like what? I will do anything to please you so what the hell are you talking about.
And people go on rants saying that parents need to start having more than two children because they hate only children. I’ve seen this so many times and it makes me a little sad because my parents tried, okay? Generalizing is not cool. They’ll hate only children just because they had a bad experience with someone that happened to be an only child. And then I’ll make friends with someone and when they find out I’m an only child they’ll tell me they never would’ve guessed because they hate only children. Thanks, I guess?
“You must not have a very good family bond” uhh why? My cousins are the closest thing I ever had as siblings growing up and I genuinely don’t understand when they would say this because it doesn’t mean I can’t bond with people my age.
“You probably get everything you want” i was told this just because I bought a new notebook when my old one ran out of pages. Again, what is the thought process here because it’s not like I can ask for anything and get it just because I’m the only kid my parents have.
I would say I’m lonely and want a sister and people would get straight up mad at me. “No you don’t you’re lucky” and you think there aren’t things I want that you have too? I literally feel so alone 24/7 but I guess I’m not allowed to feel that because at least I get privacy.
They also always assume I’m rich. I am very much not rich and I did have friends that lived in bigger houses and it made me so insecure about mine. Idk what it is about assuming only children are rich. I wish being an only child came with that bc then I’d never complain again. But unfortunately it doesn’t work like that.
Anyways. This was a random rant. I just remembered that I would get so frustrated because I would literally cry from the fact that I didn’t have a best friend or someone like a sibling to talk to, and then I’d be told my feelings weren’t valid. I know this is such a non issue, but just sharing I guess.
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mossflower · 1 year ago
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how many breakdowns should you have about dropping out before you seriously consider dropping out. asking for a friend teehee
#shock horror. i am not asking for a friend#turns out going to uni bc you had no idea what else to do + taking a course you’re mostly interested in bc you like space#is not necessarily a good idea. who would have thought#see the thing is if this didn’t cost money i wouldn’t be so worried. but i don’t want to keep having this breakdown and eventually drop out#in like a year’s time with twice the amount of debt or whatever#rn now i keep looking on indeed like hmm. i could totally drive trains that would be an amazing idea. driving a milk float!! so slay!!#bc i realised shortly after getting here that i do not want to do a phd which basically rules out any astrophysics jobs#my mum suggested looking at summer placements but quite frankly i need to get a job over summer if i stick with my degree bc i am ✨broke✨#rn i’m saying shit like oh i’ll just write a book and get it published. totally feasible way to make some quick cash (delusional)(knows it)#november has been hell i do not have a draft let alone a book#and i’m tired and i haven’t had a proper meal since thursday and my room is a tip#i‘ve had like three conversations with my friends in the past fortnight and none of them lasted longer than five minutes#i was so fucking excited for uni!! it was going to be so good!! i feel bad for wanting to drop out bc i don’t hate it!!#i just don’t really like it either#god fucking damn it. this shit is worse than a sexuality crisis. at least they had zero real world impact bc i was an antisocial fucker#this is the rest of my fucking life!! the hell!!
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dancing-with-stars · 9 months ago
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guys. guys !!!!
#vanu is rambling#ok idk this is gonna b a happy post but i think there are lots of people who love me in this world. or at least enjoy my presence.#like i always always always ALWAYS doubt if my friends or family like me and in my head they all secretly hate me#but like for these past couple months things have been different.#i don’t feel so left out (like i usually do in groups) or alone.#like my friends genuinely want me there like they always ask me to go places with them. and i almost always say no because im so busy or#i just cant but they still ask me everytime. yesterday the whole group was calling and playing a game and i got a bunch of texts like hey#where are you u shud join the call it’s rly fun ! but i just couldn’t bring myself to talk to anyone at that moment.#today they were rly happy when i joined the call and idk it made me feel like. oh. maybe my friends do like me#and also i have two moods: i’m either super talkative or i go into my little shell and don’t say anything/add to a convo. and like during#those moments they’ll be like hey u ok? or they’ll just listen to me talk about ceramics and how fun it is or how much i hate eating pears#and like. we laugh so much together. like i have so much fun with all of them i love every single one of them omg#and scary thing is we might not even be friends after we start college. but yk what? that’s okay i don’t wanna think about that.#because like who cares? i’m not gonna let my fears ab the future ruin my friendships. i’ll always love them anyways. and we’ll always call.#i’m glad i met them. they’re all such beautiful and funny and amazing strong willed-people. they are my friends.#it’s just so crazy to me that they willingly want to spend time w me and are sad when i can’t. and they’re so understanding at the same time#they don’t get mad about it. and like they have mad eng last year in high school so much more enjoyable.#someone told me that this is ur last year do things so when you look back you don’t regret anything- so you can be proud of what you did#and my friends helped me with that. and like i still feel lonely the majority of the class because despite this there’s like a permanent#stain of sadness right there at the bottom of my heart. but they make the hard days more manageable.#like i’ve been on call with these people until ungodly hours at night just laughing and i go to sleep feeling a bit lighter.#they introduced me to the tech side of theater which i never thought i’d get into but here i am. they teach me silly facts and words in asl.#they taught me dances- knowing full well i SUCK at it- because we all had fun with it. theyve taught me it’s OKAY to be vulnerable in#friendships and that sometimes being open/yourself is quite literally the best thing you can do for your own soul and others. they’re cool#people really. really cool people
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victory-cookies · 1 year ago
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school starts tomorrow and I’m trying to be okay
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insanechayne · 1 year ago
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~ ~ ~
#seems you had no intention of talking to me today either which is just lovely#you didn’t acknowledge my solution saying we didn’t need to talk every day if you didn’t want to but I guess you must have liked it anyway#and I would have obviously been fine with that but only if you’d told me beforehand that that’s what you wanted to do so I could be prepared#but this now just feels like a slight or like you’re trying to teach me a lesson or something#I get it ok? I shouldn’t have told you I felt like you didn’t want to talk to me and I shouldn’t have asked for more time with you#I should have left well enough alone and just taken what I could get from you so you wouldn’t feel like you have to justify yourself#literally feel like I’m just going to start crying any minute because I don’t know what’s going on and I guess you’re still mad at me#and I just miss you a lot and want to be able to talk to you#is it really such a crime to want to spend time with my friend?#is it really so evil to voice to you that I’m feeling blown off/ignored by you a lot of the time?#I’m sorry I felt that way and I don’t really know why I had those feelings anyway because they were clearly wrong#but seriously I can feel the panic building and the tears welling up and I just need you to tell me everything is ok#because I can’t handle losing my best friend in any form#I’ll take one message a day if that’s all I can get just don’t leave me in silence please#personal
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justinefrischmanngf · 1 year ago
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this is exactly what i moved here for and it’s a good thing like 98% of the time but oh my god i’m literally all alone in this city……….
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whimsyprinx · 2 years ago
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I think the worst part of it all so that I didn’t decide to like feel unlovable, i didn’t like get a say I’m feeling this way and no matter how hard I try it what other people say the feeling of being unloved persists
#whimsy whispers#whims woes#there’s not much myself or others can do to make it go away#but like it’s so easy for something to happen to make things feel worse whether people meant to or not#and like it’s no one’s problem but my own and I don’t want to burden people with how I feel#it’s tiring for me and I imagine it’s tiring for others to have to deal with me frequently being in a spiral because i feel like the world#hates me or that I’ll never be loved and I just genuinely don’t know if things will ever change for the better#and i do feel like it’s only a anger of time before people just get so tired that they get up and I wouldn’t fault them for this either#I feel like eventually I will really be all alone and idk if I’ll be better or worse because of it#I do know that as I am I’m like unloveable and I just don’t see that changing#hi I was discussing this with someone earlier and it’s just sucky#I didn’t ask to be like this and I know I can’t blame people for everything but I am allowed to say that how I feel is largely a result of#other people#ya don’t spend years being told that no one loves you and not internalize it#and idk how to get over that#then small insignificant things happen and it makes things feel worse because like it just feels bad it all feels bad#not to make another pity party post but also it’s my blog I can do as I please I can post about my feelings and delete them as I please#it’s just been like weighing on me more lately ig#like obvs it has I talk about it so much and I’ve been being a shittier friend n stuff because of it
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cinnamorollcrybaby · 2 months ago
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Giving the nerd a chance
tags: nerd!nanami/fem!reader, college!au, stsg, nsfw, dirty talk, asphyxiation, size kink, mdni!!
a/n: this one’s a long one :) pace yourself and enjoy!
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Kento Nanami is a social enigma. He is a total outlier but in the weirdest way possible.
This man is conventionally attractive. Some would even go as far to say Nanami’s handsome, almost in a filthy way. His looks are sneaky too. He’s not someone you’d immediately notice in a room, but once you did…
You would notice his sculpted jaw line first. Then, his naturally high cheekbones that gave way to his soft hazel eyes. He had a serious look on his face always, but his eyes told a different story. Maybe you’d notice his blonde hair that sat neatly on his head, styled with an undercut. Yeah, Nanami was fucking hot.
But that’s not the weird part. No, you haven’t heard him utter a single word except to answer the professor’s unanswered questions once the silence was unbearable.
That’s not exactly weird either. There are tons of people who go through college without the intention of making friends… but Nanami has friends. He doesn’t just have like one friend. No, he’s apart of a friend group.
The weirdest part was he seemed to be close with the most popular guy in your university, star quarterback Satoru Gojo. Gojo was seemingly every college girl’s wet dream. He’s the type to stand out in a room. His looks and personality demand attention.
He’s the complete opposite from Nanami.
Then, there was Suguru Geto… Geto was also a strange friend for Nanami to have. Geto was smart, funny, and well-mannered… when he was in class. But you’ve seen how Geto acts at parties. He smokes cigarettes, shotguns whiskey, and keeps up with all of Gojo’s antics. Shoko was the exact same way, except she didn’t care enough to keep up with Gojo’s buffoonery.
They were the complete opposite from Nanami as well.
Yu Haibara was a cutie patootie. He’s also a sweet social butterfly. Another one of Nanami’s friends that just didn’t seem to be his type.
You caught yourself staring at the friend group as you’re sitting on a couch at a frat house. Your college team just won the game, so Satoru had invited a whole slew of people over. You somehow made it on that list. Your friend, Utahime, is begging you to leave, but something is telling you to stay.
“Go on without me, Uta. I’ll be fine, promise.” You say over the music as you flash her a small smile to assure her.
“I really, really, really don’t want to leave you here alone, yn. I don’t want you to end up on the front page of the news.”
“Don’t wish that shit upon me.” You laugh as you gently nudge her arm, urging her towards the door.
“I’m serious, yn. Please text me. If you’re not back in the dorm by midnight, I’m calling the cops.” She says as she grabs your shoulders, forcing you to face her directly.
You admire your friend’s caring demeanor, but she was being a total cock block for you right now.
“I will text you. I promise.” You assure her once again. “Go back to the dorm. Love you.”
She sighs deeply as she lets you go. She’s still not comfortable with the idea of leaving you here, but she can’t force you to leave. “Love you too. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”
“Oh, that’s all I’m gonna do.” You smirk as she flips you off and leaves the frat house.
You take a drink from your red solo cup to gather your nerves. Nanami has been sitting in the corner of the kitchen all night. He’s alone, but he doesn’t look lonely. Sometimes, Satoru will drunkenly slouch his weight onto the blonde and slur something inaudible to him. From what you can see, Nanami just rolls his eyes and shrugs his friend off his shoulders.
You want to approach him, but you’re still too afraid he won’t talk to you. As you sit down your cup, an intoxicated Satoru is standing over you.
“I’m sorry- I don’t remember your name.” He gives you a slanted smile as he crouches down a bit so you two are face-to-face.
“That’s okay. I don’t remember yours either.” You snip back with a small grin. Something sparkles in his eyes as you give him a little bit of a challenge. He finds it to be endearing.
“Cheeky. Give me your number.” He demands, keeping his smirk on his face.
“Why should I give it to you?”
“Because it’s not for me.” He slurs as he leans in close to you. He nods his head towards the kitchen. “I’m doing this for my pussy friend over there.”
Your eyes dart towards Nanami. His eyes are glaring holes into Satoru with more anger and emotion than you’ve ever seen from him. Your stomach swirls with butterflies.
“That is a really good reason.” You murmur as you quickly type your number into Satoru’s phone.
*** *** ***
It had been days since the frat party and not a single word from Nanami. Your excitement had honestly fizzled out into sulking. Were you not good enough for him? Did Satoru lie? Was it all a sick prank?
Not even Utahime could get you in a good mood.
“Yn. This is so ridiculous. If you like him that much, just go up and talk to him.” She chides
“Noooo.” You groan into your pillow as you turn onto your stomach in your bed. “He’s too cool. Out of my league.”
“Are you sure we’re talking about the same Kento Nanami? The nerd who barely ever talks? The know-it-all in class?”
“Utahimeee.”
“You’re embarrassing yourself.”
“Let me wallow in my self pity.” You gripe before you hear your phone buzz. The sound of your phone notifying you doesn’t even excite you anymore. It’s always some lame ass notification.
Unknown Number: Is this yn?
Your eyes widen as you stare at your phone in disbelief. Your body involuntarily sits up in bed, startling Utahime.
“Jesus Christ. What? What happened?”
“He texted me!” You beam proudly. You are embarrassing. Utahime scoffs and walks away from you, unable to take the second-hand embarrassment.
Yn: Yeah, that’s me :)
Unknown Number: This is Kento Nanami. I’m sorry Gojo felt the need to disturb you at the party. 
Yn: No need! He didn’t disturb me too much.
Nanami: That’s good to hear.
God. Now, what do you say? Of course Nanami is a dry texter. You stare at the text conversation for a while, trying to think of something.. anything to break the ice.
Yn: Did you ask him to get my number, or did he do that on his own volition?
Nanami: Gojo does things on his own volition.
Yn: Ah.. I see.
He left you on read.
Goddammit.
You had your chance, and now, you blew it. Sighing, you lock your phone and try to forget he even ever texted you in the first place.
*** *** ***
I mean, who even needs Nanami? He’s really not even that handsome or mysterious. You keep telling yourself as you get ready to go to another party Gojo invited you too.
Oh, also, Gojo kept your number for himself as well. He mostly asked to copy your notes when Nanami refused to let him copy his notes. He would also send the occasional invitation to one of his signature parties.
This one was apparently labeled as “exclusive”. You had no idea what that meant, but you weren’t allowed to bring a plus-one this time.
Luckily for you, Utahime was visiting back home for the weekend, so she couldn’t scold you for going out to another party this weekend.
Black eyeliner was smeared across your waterline, and you puckered your lips as you carefully applied some sheer gloss. You decided to be casual with your outfit, wearing a basic off-shoulder black top with some jeans.
As soon as you got to the frat house, you quickly understood what “exclusive” meant. It was only their closest friends in the house. Satoru and Haibara were on the couch, lounging. Suguru and Shoko were sitting by the window, sharing a cigarette. Nanami was sitting in a chair in the corner of the room, looking as stoic as ever. Immediately, you were grateful for going with a more casual look.
“Yn! So glad you made it!” Satoru grinned in a more sober voice than the last time you spoke with him.
“Am I imposing on something?” You ask as you close the door.
“Of course not, silly. I sent you an invite for a reason.” Satoru says casually as he pats the spot between him and Haibara on the couch. “Come have a seat. Get comfortable. We’re just hanging out tonight.”
You stare at the seat between Gojo and Haibara, and you decide to sit in the open chair next to them instead.
“Afraid that we might bite?” Gojo grins as he leans over the arm of the chair towards you.
“Stop it, Satoru. You’re going to scare her away.” Shoko scolds before taking a drag off her cigarette.
Your phone gently buzzes in your pocket as Satoru and Shoko begin to bicker about his social skills. You sneakily check your phone.
Nanami: You look pretty tonight.
OH. We are so back, baby.
Yn: Thank you :) You look as handsome as ever.
Nanami: Oh yeah?
It is so small and insignificant, but that little “oh yeah?” makes your stomach flutter with excitement.
“Yn?” You snap your attention up to Shoko and realize she has been trying to talk to you.
“Shit- sorry. What’s up?”
Your phone lightly buzzes again, and you quickly glance down to check.
Nanami: You’re blushing.
“I was asking what your major is.” Shoko smiles calmly as she’s sat upon the windowsill. She flicks her cigarette outside before blowing out a cloud of smoke. You try to ignore how your heart is skipping beats right now.
“Oh, I’m just in general studies right now. I’m kind of indecisive. What about you?”
“I’m pre-med right now.” Shoko answers.
“I thought you swapped to nursing.” Haibara asks as he shifts his body to face her. The two start conversing together, giving you a chance to check your phone.
Nanami: Are you ill, or do my words just affect you that much?
Yn: I’m actually ill.
Nanami: You’re also apparently a liar, sweetheart.
How the fuck was this man so bold over text, but wouldn’t speak to hardly anyone in person?
Yn: Sweetheart? I didn’t know we were on that sort of level yet.
Nanami: Does that make you uncomfortable?
Yn: No
Nanami: Good. Then don’t complain.
The throb your cunt just did should’ve been illegal. There was no reason for you to be so turned on by that, but you were.
Yn: What would you have done had I said that it did make me uncomfortable?
Nanami: I would’ve found you a nickname you were more comfortable with.
He was being sweet, and you were over there clenching around nothing like a whore.
You had been so caught up in your phone that you didn’t realize Yu had went and gotten everyone a beer out of the fridge. You decide to risk a glance at Nanami. He looked calm and composed. You wondered if he even knew the effect he had on you truly.
“Shoko, when are you finally going to get some bitches?” Satoru asks with a laugh. Your eyes widen as you notice Suguru is on his lap now. You had really been so distracted by your phone…
“At this rate, I think Nanami will beat me.” Shoko laughed as she took a drink of her beer. You shift slightly in your seat as Shoko cuts her eyes towards you with a small grin.
Nanami: I will
Yn: Will what?
Nanami: I will beat her.
Yn: Confident or competitive?
Nanami: Both.
Yn: You didn’t strike me as the type.
Nanami: You don’t think I can do it?
Yn: I never said that.
Nanami lays his phone on his lap, and you can feel his eyes trailing up and down your body. Feeling your heart skip a beat, you decide to look up at him. Your breath hitches in your throat as you glance over him. He looks relaxed. His head is propped up in his hand, and he’s almost giving you a lazy smile.
Knowing more about Nanami, you recognize it as a cocky smile now.
The rest of the “party” goes without a hitch. You decided it was time to leave once Suguru and Satoru were obnoxiously making out, Shoko was asleep on the floor, and Haibara wouldn’t shut the fuck up about the intricacies of anime.
“I’m gonna head back to my dorm now. Thanks for inviting me.” You say quickly as you stand from your seat.
“Hey yn-!” Satoru says as he tugs from Suguru’s lips. The dark-haired male made quick work of moving down to his neck. “Thanks for coming. You should come out here more often.”
“Oh um, I’ll think about it.” You smile politely as you head out the front door. The cold night air nips at your skin. The only light was from the moon high up in the sky. The dorms were a few blocks away.
You never like walking alone at night, but you try to remember that college campuses have security patrolling at all times. Taking a deep shaky breath, you step off the porch.
The sound of the door closing again immediately startles you. You quickly flinch and look towards the frat house. Nanami was calming walking up to you.
“Let me walk you back.” His voice was calm and steady, just like his presence. He really wasn’t phased at all by your subtle flirting earlier?
“Thanks.. I was actually kinda scared.” You mumble as you two walk side by side on the pavement. Your arms hug your body, trying to hide from the snippy air.
“Why didn’t you ask one of us to walk you home then?” Nanami asks as he slips his coat off from his shoulders. He then loosely drapes it over your shoulders. You feel your heart skip a beat as you mumble a quick thanks. Your body snuggled into his coat as it swallowed your frame whole. It was the first time you realized… Nanami is a big man. He’s not just some scrawny nerd. He’s actually pretty well built.
“I didn’t want to be a bother.” You answer quietly, noticing how Nanami shoves his hands into his pockets while you two walk.
“That’s foolish. We invited you. The least we could do is make sure you make it home safely.”
“We?”
Nanami goes silent, and he looks away from your shorter self. The wind blows harshly, making the leaves crinkle and hiss on the trees.
“Yes, we.” He finally answers your question. You smile softly as you look down towards the ground. It seems like Satoru wasn’t the only one who wanted you around.
Standing in front of your dorm door, you slowly slip the coat off from around your shoulders and try to hand it back to him. “I don’t want it.” He answers calmly, making no effort to take the jacket back from you.
“It’s yours, silly.”
“And?”
“Take it.” You gestured the coat to him once more
“No, I want you to have it.” He says as he towers over you. You subconsciously take a step back to create space, and your back hits the door. He leans over you, having to angle his back to see eye-to-eye with you. You can feel his warm breath ghosting over your cheek as he cocks his head towards your ear and neck. “Text me.” He murmurs lowly before pressing a soft kiss to your cheek.
You were left against your door blushing madly as he casually sauntered away.
*** *** ***
You almost think you dreamt that kiss up come Monday morning. You hadn’t texted him all weekend, not even knowing what to say. You felt scared about messing things up and taking his advances the wrong way. He hadn’t reached out to you either.
You were sitting in Neurology, half-ass paying attention as the professor lectured about neuron pruning. Nanami sat a few rows over. He always appeared to he intently listening when you glance over at him. You perk up as you feel your phone buzz on your thigh.
Nanami: You’re not going to do well if you don’t pay attention.
Yn: I could say the same for you.
Nanami: Could you?
Yn: …. point taken
Nanami: You know, you could’ve at least texted me if you didn’t like the kiss.
Yn: Who said I didn’t?
Nanami: So, you disobey my request for fun?
Yn: Disobey is such a strong word. You told me to text you, and I just.. haven’t yet.
Nanami: We’ll come back to the disobedience topic. Why haven’t you texted me “yet”?
Yn: Nervous.
Nanami: You’re adorable. What’s there to be nervous about?
“Can anyone name an example of synaptic pruning?” The professor’s sudden loud voice catches you off guard. You hadn’t been paying attention at all, and you feel your heart start to race at the thought of being randomly called upon.
“Anyone?” The professor asks once again. “Yn-“ She almost says your first name before Nanami interrupts.
“Crown thinning.” He answers the question, saving you from total embarrassment.
“Very good. Thank you, Kento.” The professor praises as she turns back around to start lecturing from the powerpoint again.
Yn: You totally just saved me.
Nanami: Pay better attention.
Yn: Then stop texting me.
Nanami: No.
Nanami: Answer my question. Why were you nervous?
Yn: I just didn’t want to say the wrong things.
Nanami: You’re hopeless.
Yn: You’re starting to sound like Utahime :(
Nanami: Will you coo to me that you love me if I act like her?
You feel your heart start to race as you read his text over and over. He was way more observant than you gave him credit for. You couldn’t even think of a time where you told Uta that you loved her in front of him.
Yn: Is that what you want?
Nanami: That does sound nice. Though, I think I’d rather hear you breathlessly professing your love to me.
oh…
oh.
You sat your phone down. No way were you going to let some simple words over a screen let you get horny in class. You didn’t dare to glance in his direction as you suddenly decided to start paying attention and taking detailed notes on Neurology.
Nanami: You’re blushing again.
Damn him and his observant personality. Damn him and his filthy words that make you squeeze your thighs together to soothe the ache.
Yn: I’m well aware.
Nanami: It’s cute. Makes me want to say more things just to get a reaction out of you.
Yn: Please don’t
Nanami: Why? Scared you might like it?
Nanami: Scared you might like the thought of being beneath me, begging for more?
Jesus. There was no misinterpreting that. You tugged your bottom lip between your teeth as you stared down at your phone, rereading his message over and over. It painted a picture in your brain.
Yn: As if you could make me do that.
Nanami: I can, and I will. Come over tonight.
Yn: To the frat house?
Nanami: No, to my room. I’ll tell Haibara to not come back until late.
Yn: That seems rather rude.
Nanami: It’s far better than the treatment you’ll be receiving later.
Your head feels like it’s spinning as the professor dismisses class. The rest of the day drags by painfully slow as you feel every little heartbeat and flutter in your chest. Nanami talked big game for someone who seemed too shy to really speak to you. It made you feel intrigued. How could he be so confident in his ability to make you beg?
You took your time once you were back at your dorm: going through your everything-shower routine. You wanted to make sure that every inch of you was soft and smooth just in case! It’s not like he’s actually going to make you do anything.
Knocking on his door, you feel your stomach churn with anxiety. You two seemed to be doing better at keeping up a conversation, but you were still deathly afraid of that awkward silence sinking in.
The click of the lock gains your attention, and Nanami opens the door for you. “Come in.” He says flatly, moving out of the way of the door so you can squeeze past him. He’s wearing his usual button-up shirt with black slacks on. How does this man even relax?
Of course his room is completely clean. His bed was even made military style for crying out loud. What the fuck does this man know about making women beg?
“Your room is nice.” You compliment, trying not to sound too awkward.
“It’s a room.” He shrugs nonchalantly before his eyes travel your body.
“How did you tell Haibara not to come home?” You ask, and he gives you a slightly puzzled look.
“I told him the truth.” He says as he loosens his tie from around his neck.
You swallow harshly as you watch his slender fingers pull at the fabric. His jaw is perfectly sculpted along with his neck, and his adams apple bobs as he steps towards you.
“Which is?” You reluctantly ask.
“I told him not to come home unless he planned on watching me fuck a pretty girl to tears.”
Your breath hitches in your throat, and you stare up at him with almost a frightened gaze. His movement feels much more predatory now as if he’s been watching you for a while, sizing you up. He had observed and stood by, waiting for the prime opportunity to pounce.
“What is it? Cat got your tongue?” Nanami asks as he steps forward again. The back of your knees hits his bed, and his smile shifts to a lopsided grin.
“No. I just…” You had no idea what to even say to that! You weren’t use to a man so confidently bolstering about his skills without sounding like a total idiot. Nanami was a rarity. He could talk the talk and walk the walk.
“No. I just..” He mocks you. “You’re awfully nervous for someone I haven’t even touched yet.” His fingers gently caress over your collarbone, before he carefully nudged you back. You tipped over and found yourself sitting on his bed, looking up at him with big round eyes.
“Christ. Have you ever even done this before?” He asks as he leans over you. His hand press down on the mattress at both of your sides, effectively trapping you beneath him.
“Yes!” You exclaim with a huffy attitude that makes him chuckle. “Have you?” You ask, trying to even the score.
“No.” He responds before closing the distance between you two. His lips press against yours and move delicately. Your eyes widen before you realize what was going on, and you slowly melt into the kiss.
Lips smack together as he takes the lead on the kiss. His hands gently cup and caress their way down your body before resting upon your hips. His knee finds it’s way between your thighs, and he applies pressure to your core.
Stifling a small whine, you entangle your fingers through his blonde hair. It’s softer than you imagined it to be. His kisses are growing more and more demanding as he’s pushing you back onto the bed more and more.
He gently bites at your lip, and he applies more pressure with his knee. As soon as you let another another small whimper, he slips his tongue into your mouth.
He’s taking complete and utter advantage over your body while you’re still trying to wrap your head around the fact he said “no”. He’s claiming to have never done this before.
His thumbs dig into your hipbones before he makes you grind against his knee.
“That’s right. Use me.” He purrs lowly, encouraging for you to keep rolling your hips. Once you found a steady rhythm, rubbing yourself against his knee like a desperate slut, he releases your hips and grabs your wrists, pinning you down to the bed.
“Ken..” You gasp out lowly, and he immediately eats up your words, forcing his lips right back upon yours.
The grinding was slowly making you feel all dizzy in the head as you slowly start to mess up your rhythm. He immediately notices your messy state. His hands leave your wrists to grab back ahold of your thighs to make sure you don’t stop. If his slacks weren’t black, he was sure there would be a small damp spot on his leg from your delicious juices.
“Hah~” You gasp as you lean your head back.
“Does that feel good?” He questions lowly before carefully nipping at your neck.
“Yes… Yes, Kento.. more..”
“Oh, what was that, darling? I didn’t hear you.” He taunts as he bites his way down your neck.
“M-more!” You whimper out as you grow impatient.
“So greedy…” He murmurs before his sucks a small hickey on your neck all while he’s still making you grind your pitiful pussy against his thigh. “Beg.”
You feel that defiant nature wanting to kick in. You were needy for him, but you weren’t to the point of begging yet.
“Did you hear me? I said beg.” He demands as he forces you down on his leg harder. Your legs tremble around him as he’s making you rock hack and forth.
“Please-“ You finally choke out against your defiant nature. “I-I.. want more, please… I need you to.. to ruin me.”
“Ruin you, hm?” He asks as his hand carefully trails upwards to your neck. He applies just a bit of pressure. “A pretty girl like you asking for me to ruin her… How could I say no?”
He removes his leg from between your leg, and he quickly replaces it with his hand. His fingers rub firm circles around your clit through the cloth of your leggings. You immediately shudder from the new stimulation. You hold his gaze as he lightly chokes you.
“I think I want to see you come on my fingers first.” He says as he’s quick to shove your leggings and panties down. You gasp quietly as you look down at him. He shuffles himself down between your legs, and he has a determined look on his face. He was set on making you come with his hand.
You push your thighs together with a small whine as he gives your glistening cunt an amorous gaze. Nanami places his hands on both of your knees as he forces your legs back apart. “Now, you know why you came here. What are you running from?”
“I- … You’re looking at me like…” the words ‘like you want to eat me’ die upon your tongue. His aura is just so.. almost intimidating. Not in a scary way, just in a he’s-not-here-to-play way.
“You’re so pretty, but gods, you’re so confusing.” He shakes his head as he carefully drags his tongue up your slippery folds. “Just sit still and let me take care of you, darling.” He mumbles before he laps at your cunt again. He purses his lips and gently sucks on your clit. It almost feels like he’s making out with your pussy.
“Oh.. f-fuck..” You gasp as you lean your head back into his mattress. Your hands fist at the blanket beneath you, ruining his perfectly made bed.
Nanami continues to lick and suck. The sounds in the room were nothing short of erotic. The wet sounds of his lips and tongue smack and almost slurp at you. His hands hold your thighs up, practically wearing them as earmuffs as he eats you like a starved man.
His fingertip gently traced over your opening before he carefully slipped a finger in. He continued to lap at your cunt as his finger pumped in and out and prodded around.
“Oh my-! .. N-Nanami.. ah~” You pant out. In his eyes, your entire body was flushed. You were so subtly grinding yourself against his tongue. In his eyes, you were a goddess in touch with her sexuality and femininity. You just needed a small nudge to get there.
He adds a second finger, and he so carefully curls them upwards to gently press right on the spot that made you see stars.
Your hands abandoned the bed, and you grabbed onto his hair. His hazel eyes flutter up at you, and his glasses were pushed up onto his head.
Your orgasm was building quicker than it ever had before. “Nanami-! fuck, I’m gonna..” You try to warn, but he’s already a step ahead of you. His fingers start pumping a big more aggressively, and he’s pointed with his tongue, focusing all his attention on your clit. His tongue swirls in tight circles around the small bundle of nerves.
Your orgasm washes over you as you clench around his fingers, spasming on his face. He continues to thrust his fingers, letting you ride out your orgasm on his face and hand. Pressing a few more small kisses to your overly sensitive cunt, he slowly pulls away. “Good girl.” He praises lowly.
Your heart is pounding in your chest as you recover from the best orgasm you’ve ever received. Your eyes flutter open weakly to see Nanami ditch his glasses. He uses the back of his hand to wipe his mouth and chin dry.
He then places the fingers he so deliciously used to fuck you into his mouth, and he sucks them clean with a satisfied groan.
“You taste so sweet.” He mumbles as he slowly unbuttons his shirt. It falls to the floor as he starts to unbuckle his belt. You can already feel your arousal building up again as you see the absolute tent in his slacks. Of course the nerd was absolutely hung.
Without another word, his pants and boxers are on the ground. His dick stood hard at attention. It was too heavy to press all the way up towards his stomach. Speaking of stomach, he was absolutely fucking built. He had well-defined solid abs and a broad chest.
You watch carefully as he fists his length a few times. You admire the way the veins bulge from his hands and arms. He wastes no more time: climbing up on top of you. He guides your legs up onto his shoulders, and he leans forward, putting you in a mating press.
His hand suddenly covers your mouth. “Spit.” He orders bluntly.
“W-what-?”
“I didn’t stutter. Spit. Unless you want me to go in dry.”
The thought of that sounded like a nightmare, so you gathered as much saliva into your mouth as you could, and you spat into his hand.
He doesn’t look phased in the slightest as he lubes himself up with your spit. He lets out a soft breath as the wet sounds of him gliding his hand up and down his cock fill the room. He then wipes his hand off on the bed, and he covers your mouth tightly with his hand. “Try not to be too loud, darling. I don’t want anyone to come and bother us.”
He was so fucking confident that he was going to make you noisy. It almost pissed you off, but Nanami was a man of his word.
He aligned himself up with your entrance, and with one deep motion, he buried himself all the way to the hilt. You let out a silent scream into his hand, and your back arches up off the bed. His eyes darken as he lets out a guttural growl.
Your cunt was just too precious to him, squeezing him so perfectly. You were absolutely sopping wet and so goddamn warm. He actually had to bite his tongue to not come prematurely. Once he tasted the hint of metal in his mouth, the urge to finish subsided.
“Shhh, shh. Be a good girl. The pain will subside soon.” He assures you quietly as his hips gently rock back and forth shallowly.
“Mmmnnf~ K-kento!” You moan into his hand. He hates having to muffle your pretty noises, but he really can’t risk getting a noise complaint right now.
“That’s right, darling.. Take it..” His hips start to roll with a bit more conviction. His thrusts are slow but powerful. Each time he buried himself deep in you, you went all dizzy in the head.
“Oh fuck, you’re so pretty like this.” He praises as his other hand holds one of your thighs up for you. Your body is almost slack from how harsh his hips are snapping into you. His leaking tip was bruising your cervix with each brutal thrust.
Nanami wishes he could take a picture right now. Your eyes are all glossed over. Your face is flushed the prettiest shade of pink, and your lips are all puffy and slightly parted. Your babbling utter nonsense as your greedy pussy takes him in with each thrust.
“F-fuck..! So big.. can feel you right here~” You moan as you point towards your lower stomach.
Nanami looks to where you’re pointing, and as if this man needed anymore courage, he begins to fuck you harder.
Plap! Plap! Plap! Plap!
“Yeah? Y’feel me in your womb, darling?” He groans. Noise complaint can be damned. He lets your mouth go and grabs your hips as he continues to pound your pretty pussy.
Tears involuntarily spring into your eyes from the sheer intensity. When Nanami said he was going to fuck you to tears, you thought it was just a figure of speech. Nah, you were lying in his bed, crying because the dick was so good.
“Look at me.” He demands as he grabs your blushed cheek and forces you to look up at him. “This pussy’s mine from now on, understand me?”
“Y-yes!” You cry out to him. Your stomach starts to coil with white hot pleasure as your orgasm builds up again.
“Tell me you love me when you cum on my cock.” He demands lowly. You’re too fucked stupid to argue.
The bed squeaks and wails in agony as he his thrusts are growing more erratic and sloppy. You could feel him getting closer and closer to his release as he gets more vocal and noisier too.
Your eyes cross as you feel your body gyrate on him. Your second orgasm crashes over you so suddenly you didn’t even have time to warn him. Your soul nearly floats away from you as you feel warm juices flood out from you. “Fuck~.. I-.. I love you, Nanami!” You whimper out. In the heat of the moment, it does feel like love.
Such pure pretty words being uttered during such a lewd time. Nanami is instantly emptying himself into you. His dick throbs as he shoots ribbon after ribbon of cum inside of you. His hands are shaking as they hold onto your hips. “Ngh.. I love you, darling. Take it.. All of it. Don’t waste a drop.” He lowly growls.
The room is quiet as both of you pant softly. After a few moments, you realize you had professed a love to him that you weren’t even sure about. Yes, Nanami was attractive physically and mentally. Sure, he was apparently a god in bed, but love???
What if he wasn’t even being serious when he told you to say that? He probably didn’t even mean it when he said it back. What if you made things weird? Is that why he’s being so silent?
Nanami leans down and presses a small kiss to your forehead. “That was intense. Are you alright, darling?” He asks affectionately.
You nod weakly, not wanting to frustrate him with your insecure thinking style.
“Are you sure? I’m not only talking about physically.” He murmurs softly as he slowly allows for your thighs to slip down to around his hips. His hand carefully strokes your cheek.
“I told you I love you..” You murmur out quietly, avoiding his gaze.
He exhales softly in amusement. “You did do that. It was very sexy. Do you regret saying it?”
“I.. I don’t know.” You confess quietly. “You said it back too…”
“I did. Seeing your body in such a vulnerable state as you were trusting me with your very essence made me feel full with love.”
You look up at him as he just said the most romantic thing you’ve ever heard.
“I don’t think I regret it.”
“I’m glad. I don’t regret it either.” He smiles and presses another small kiss to your temple.
*** *** ***
“Was that really your first time?” You giggle as the hot water coats your body. Nanami’s fingers are attentively massaging shampoo into your scalp.
“It really was.” He laughs quietly. “Why is it so hard to believe.”
“You were too good for a virgin.”
“I’m glad my darling thinks so.” He smiles and carefully leans your head back, so the water can rinse the shampoo from your hair.
“Where did you even learn that stuff from?” You ask curiously, wondering if Nanami just had a secret raging porn addiction.
“I have the horniest friend group. They don’t understand the concept of too much information.”
Ah. That makes sense.
tags: @lemonlimecrystal-blog
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unhingedandunwell · 4 months ago
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Life is bad but there are good days and I’m determined to find more of them.
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justaplacetotalk · 7 months ago
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Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to be alone
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samuraisharkie · 10 months ago
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I’ve seen it coming years away, but it still always manages to make me bleed a little bit more when I am reminded I AM being left behind, watching everyone I know go on ahead of me because why the hell would they hold themselves back like that? I wouldn’t want them to, but it still hurts to be reminded that I’m still stuck here for the foreseeable future, that there will be no collaboration, it’s up to me and kitty and only us. I’m still in the same place I was when I graduated high school. I don’t see a way out yet. I don’t know if I’ll ever have enough money on my own. It’s depressing being reminded of it all. I’m not ready and I should be. I’ve wasted so much time, how am I going to catch up and not feel decades behind my peers? I don’t hate myself or my body (I can’t afford to do that again) but a lot of times I wish there was something different about me that made it so I had the same ease/difficulty doing things that others did, that I could form habits like most people can, that I wasn’t so exhausted mentally and physically all the time. It’s mortifying to be left behind. I’m happy for them, and I hate that it’s soured by my own problems and tinged with selfish resentment that it’s just me and my twin against the world.
#I guess it hurts more when you find out someone you thought you were getting out TOGETHER with has moved on without you.#one day maybe I’ll be able to have something to offer my friends beyond myself. it isn’t anytime soon#it won’t be like this forever. I refuse to entertain that. but it still hurts to see that it won’t be with anyone else#that I’ll be leagues behind others. sometimes I wonder if they secretly look down on me or pity me#or think less of me. I wish they wouldn’t. but it’s probably hard not to when I’m so far behind them#the plans I’ve made with others will always fall through because of me.#‘alone’ as in its just me and kitty against the world#we had all these wishes and dreams but they were just that. and I don’t bregrudge them for leaving fairytales behind.#i don’t want to burden them with that. and I don’t want them to stay where they are either.#I guess I just thought I had more time. idk when I’ll stop falling for that#I feel like I’m chained to the floor. my wrists hurt from trying to break it. I’m going to have to saw trap this shit.#this drawing I left in my sketchbook YEARS ago manages to haunt me every time I look at my friends#it’s ended up as true now as it was then.#I’d meant it as a vent art that I didn’t fully believe as much as I just felt. but more and more it’s telling me it’s true#one day they’ll be so far ahead of me it won’t make sense to stick around someone like me.#kitty and me will be our only friends in the world all over again eventually.#I don’t blame anyone for not wanting to hold themselves in bad environments just to wait on us. but it still hurts to lose them#it still hurts to be left behind again.
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luvgam3 · 1 month ago
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Summary: You and your ex-husband Nanami have a good relationship. Even after the divorce you remained good friends and even better co-parents. Babysitting for one another isn’t out of the usual, and talking about your newest relationships isn’t strange either— but when you show up at his doorstep after a particularly nasty date it leads you both to wonder if your relationship is really truly over for good.
Cw: MDNI (18+), afab!reader, small mentions of cheating, you and Nanami have a kid together, girl dad Nanami, hair pulling, consent king Nanami, oral (fem receiving), aftercare !!!
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“Fine! Fucking leave!” You yell, your voice cracking as cold rain pierces your skin.
That asshole. That shitty excuse of a man your boyfriend of two weeks, left you on the side of the road. Alone. In the middle of a late summer storm.
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But what did you really expect to happen? The red flags were all neatly lined up for you. Sure maybe the fact that he smelt like a different woman’s perfume every time you met should’ve set you off, but maybe you were just over thinking it! Maybe he was a little too handsy for a man you just started dating, and maybe he was a little rude to waitresses, and bartenders, and you— but your last straw was calling him out on his empty threats. ‘I’ll leave you-‘ for this ‘I’ll shut your ass up’ for that. God did he ever stop talking. You snapped; telling him that if you pissed him so much then why didn’t he just drop you off on the side of the road. The only time he’d ever followed through… and it had to be now.
Low rumbles of thunder sound in the distance, blending with the pop of his engine as he speeds away. Inside your head is a loud jumbled mess of ‘where the fuck am I?’ and ‘who does he think he fucking is?’ but all of that sound is ultimately drowned out by that heavy pitiful feeling tugging at your heart. Angry tears prickle at the backs of your eyes as you walk, your heels crunching pebbles and walking through puddles, carrying you to the only place you know by heart. To the only man who you know wouldn’t leave you stranded.
If the night were to play out correctly you wouldn’t be showing up till noon the next day, even when dates did go wrong you never made it his problem. You were divorced after all, your love life mishaps stopped being his problem a while ago. Okay that isn’t entirely true… Nanami comes over to your house once a week for family dinner. After your little girl is tucked away in her bed and the dinner dishes have been done do you two sit alone at the table, drinks in hand as you catch up. Talking about your kid wasn’t the only topic of discussion. Friends, gossip, dates, normal adult conversation. The topic of dating other people because less and less embarrassing as the years flew by. Like the amazingly wonderful co-parenting duo you are— you came up with the babysitting agreement. Nanami happily took your daughter for the night so you could relax and bask in the company of anyone you wanted. He cherished every minute he got with his little girl, it was never a disappointment when you texted him asking if he could take her for the night.
Lost in the depths of your own mind you aimlessly walked down the dark and dreary road. Void of people, void of light. The only sound the pattering of rain and the rumbles of thunder.
Static buzzed in your ears as you slid into the empty apartment lobby, your soggy heels clacking against the neat polished floors. Your tears fizzled into a pale anger that burned the back of your throat as you pressed his floor number on the elevator. The only good thing about this entire situation, you think, is that the rain washed away the feeling of his hands on your skin. The scent of him clinging to your clothes. All gone. Washed down the sewage drain with the unpleasant memory of him.
Softly, you knocked on his door. It’s well past eleven, he should be asleep, but you know him better than that.
Nanami slowly opens the door, his brows furrow as his eyes meet yours. Concern painting his face.
You don’t have the energy to answer his unsaid questions, so instead you silently squeeze past him, kicking your wet heels off at the door. The air-conditioned room sends shivers up your soaked spine, littering your skin in goosebumps as you carry yourself to his liquid cabinet. Your fingers find the key he keeps hidden on the top of the rich oak cabinet, quickly pushing it into the lock and twisting. You’re on a mission as you blindly grab a bottle, bumping the door closed with your hip before turning to his rack of expensive drinking glasses, plucking two and setting them onto the counter with a soft clink.
He watches you pop the cork as quietly as you can, pouring the expensive liquid into two glasses, pushing one towards him without a word as you bring the sparklingly clear glass to your gloss smeared lips.
Married for four years, divorced for two, he knows the crinkle of your nose and the subtle twitch in your eye means one thing— you’re fuming. Beyond mad. If there was a word for that level of anger he’d use it to describe you in this moment.
He knows better than to ask what’s wrong, so instead he drinks with you; listening to the wall clock tick, to your nails tap against marble countertop, to the soft melody flowing from his record player. Darkness envelops you both, the only light combing from his little yellow reading lamp. It’s hardly enough to aluminate your faces, but the flicker of amber reflects in your fiery eyes.
“I think I got dumped.” You mutter, swishing the dark liquid around in your glass. You don’t wait for him to respond as you groan, willing the anger to subside and for the chill in your skin to vanish.
The crackle of the record prickles your ears just as much as the cool night air prickles your skin, filling your veins with ice as you continue to drink.
Nanami watches you, your hair drips onto your shoulders, your mascara streaky and your lips smudged. Disheveled and shivering in his kitchen. Filled with that unmistakable blinding anger you hold with such grace. If he was still your husband his hands would be wrapped around your waist, pulling you close to him in a slow lazy sway to the soft music playing. But he isn’t your husband anymore. The word ‘ex’ stopped leaving a bad taste on his tongue a while ago— you’ve both worked around your usual ways to comfort one another and made them more friendly more… pg.
He pushes his glasses up into his hair, putting his glass down softly and disappearing into the dark hall. But you don’t notice. Not when your stomach pulls, not when your head is swimming with so many useless thoughts— thinking of the waisted days, waisted nights. Ugh even waisted money. All on some asshole—
“The bath is running, I left a towel out for you.” Nanami says as he reenters unnoticed, his voice soft and airy as he stops infront of you with a towelette. He tilts your chin to the side, your eyes scanning over his face as he cleans yours; he runs the cool wipe over your cheek, under your eyes and across your lips. He knows you’re more than capable, but still he handles you as delicately as humanly possible, swiping away stray hairs clung to your forehead and cheeks as if you would shatter under his fingers like the glasses you drank from.
He finishes, turning away to clean up the kitchen as you make your way towards the sound of running water.
The smell hits you before you push open the door; lavender scented suds decorate the surface of the water. Steam swirls into the air as you peel off your wet clothes— and for the first time tonight you were excited. Scolding water seeps into your skin as you step in, a tired groan escapes your lips as you sink farther in.
It’s funny how things change, how time passes and people grow apart, you think as you submerge your shoulders. Nanami used to run you baths almost every night, his small way of telling you how much he cherished you. Bubbles of every scent, bath oils and salts, candles and wine. The memory like a blanket as your skin tingles under the scolding water.
A soft knock at the door has your droopy eyes opening, “It’s unlocked.” You say, your voice horse and exhausted. Nanami softly cracks the door open, he walks in and places a small bundle of clothes onto the toilet lid, “You can wear these.” His clothes, a lounge shirt, too old sweatpants and a pair of boxers. You watched as he picked up your pile of sopping clothes, ringing the remaining water into the sink.
You’ve worn his clothes before. On laundry day, the morning after… an eventful night, even when you just missed him. That weird feeling in your stomach probably means nothing.
You watch him in the low light of the bathroom, his muscles rippling under his t-shirt as he works the water from the fabric in a comfortable silence.
“How was your night?” You ask, your fingers swirling through foamy bubbles. Nanami hums as he turns to face you; he rests against the sink, folding his arms across his chest. “Fine.” He says, his tone even as he scans your face.
It’s normal— seeing your ex wife soak in your bathtub, naked in your home for the first time in years. The thought makes Nanami shift slightly, his eyes focusing on the tile behind you. A safer option.
You mold the bubbles into little lumps, feeling his gentle gaze on you as if it’s normal again. Maybe tomorrow this memory will haunt you, make you burn up from the inside out. How oddly vulnerable the entire ordeal is. But for now you just smile softly, “what, you’re not going to ask me about my night?” You hum only half kidding.
Clearing his throat he turns back to the sink, “I assumed you wouldn’t want to talk about it.” Droplets of rainwater trickle down the drain as he squeezes the fabric again.
You don’t want to talk about it, so why did you even bother bringing it up?
You lean back, your eyes still glued to the fizzling bubbles in your palm and clinging to your skin. Where would you even start? Maybe how your date was ogling the waitress as soon as you got there, or maybe how he tried to gaslight you in the car, or how you have him the wicked suggestion to dump you onto the streets.
“Would you?” He asks, cutting through the silence, “Like to talk about it, I mean.”
Maybe you could talk about how your date never asked what you wanted. Or how he never called you gorgeous, just because. Maybe you could bring up how he only ever seemed to want you a little more when other women wouldn’t look his way.
There’s a line, right? Between ex’s and friends? There’s things you shouldn’t talk about past a certain point. Yet you still got excited to tell him about small insignificant things. Like the amazing bagel you had for breakfast, or how you and your daughter watched the most gut wrenching animated movie the night before and cried way more than she did; the small things you never seemed to tell your other partners. But you were friends… right? That’s what this was. A friendship.
You hum, “let me wash my hair first.” Nanami takes his cue, collecting your still wet clothing and leaving the bathroom.
You dip your head under the rapidly cooling water after heating the door click closed. The soft hum and the slight pop as the water envelops you like a liquid blanket, drawing you in as you hold your breath.
✮ ✮ ✮
His clothes seem to always sag on you, no matter your size they always felt so big. The cold hardwood floor sends a shiver up your spine as you step through the quiet hall. Nanami sits in his arm chair, your unfinished glass waiting for you on the coffee table, the record has been changed, joined with the soft hum of the drier now running, the warm yellow light still flickers away.
A time capsule of peace, this was your life. Coming home and reading your respective books on opposite sides of the room, or maybe together on the sofa huddled close together— but why’re you thinking about that now? Ugh it nags at you as you sit down, your body suddenly heavy as the plush couch pulls you in.
“What time is it?” You ask as you give in to exhaustion, your eyes fluttering shut and your head lulling back. You hear Nanami close his book, “2:45am.”
You sigh, digging the heels of your palms into your tired eyes, “Shit.” Despite the pang of unmet hunger in the pit of your stomach, despite the exhaustion gnawing at you, despite everything that’s happened tonight— you giggle. The sound startling another one out of you as you curl in on yourself, “god what a fucking night.”
Nanami gazes at you, drowning in his t-shirt, absolutely hysterical— with what he wonders.
“That asshole—�� you start, your wet hair clinging to your face as you roll your head to face him, “never once asked me what I wanted.”
He nods, and you continue, “not when we went out for dinner, not when we grabbed drinks, not when we fucked—“ your hands fly up on a silent groan, “who does that?” The question far above a whisper.
Nanami was many things— always busy, always working, but he never neglected you or your needs. That’s one thing you could never replace in your newer partners, his attentiveness.
“People are greedy.” He says, pushing his glasses up as he gently places his forgotten book onto the coffee table. “They—“ should he say this? Should he even be thinking it? But you’re friends… friends… comfort each other. “They don’t know how to please you in the ways you want crave— need. They never take the time.” His voice a husky whisper.
You groan, tired and not thinking as you go to continue complaining, “Like you know what I want.” The words come out with an edge you never meant to put there.
“I’m not saying that—“
“You might as well be, I never asked for your input, it was rhetorical.” You snap, the words clawing their way out before you can stop them. Was it pent up anger that made you stand up? Or maybe that simmering unmet lust burning deep in your gut that made you walk in front of him, challenging him, begging him wordlessly. Or maybe it was that deep history, etched into your bones, your body craving his forgotten touch.
He stares up at you, his legs spread wide, his arms gripping the armrests. His breathing slows, his eyes set on yours in a heated stare.
“Do you know what I want?” You ask, voice low, your words crackle with need. “Did you ever know what I wanted?“
Nanami knew you like the back of his hand. You liked when he’d go down on you, legs spread wide by his strong hands. You liked to pull his hair when he’d bite at your neck, so he grew it out. You liked when he’d ruin you with just his tongue while he held your small hand in his much larger one. He knew every freckle on your body, every stretch mark, every hair. He knew what your moods meant, when you were silently begging to be split apart on his cock.
He knew what you wanted more than you did.
The record keeps spinning as he rises, his body towering over you, his voice rumbles deep in his throat, “You know the answer… but tell me—“
You swallow thickly, your body stiffens as he brushes your drying hair from your shoulder, his face lowers, his hot breath fans over the damp shell of your ear sending goosebumps flying across your skin. “As long as we’ve been apart… have you ever wished… it were me between your legs?”
Your eyes flutter, just like your heart as you press your palms into his firm chest. Did you? You stand there, your fingers pressing harder into his clothed skin as you wrack your brain. Maybe you have been comparing your partners to him, maybe that’s by you can’t keep one— fuck maybe that’s why you got yourself kicked out of a car tonight. But his breath is so hot against your skin, you can feel his hands hover above your hips. You both know what you want, you both know what you need.
“If I said no,” your voice breathy, “would you believe me?”
He laughs, the sound brings a slime to your lips as his forehead falls to your shoulder. In this moment it seems so simple, feels so familiar. And maybe that’s all you need tonight.
“Is it… okay if I touch you?” He asks, that sentence hasn’t been heard in years, you’d almost forgotten how wet it makes you. Almost.
You nod, your palms slowly sliding up his chest and around his neck.
That light moment slowly fading before your eyes as he presses his lips to the exposed skin below your ear. “Words.”
“Yes dammit you know I hate when you—“
You choke on your words as he pulls back, his hand threading with your damp locks and craning your head back. Your eyes frantically search his, the reading lamp the only light reflecting off of them.
Nanami’s usual gentleness is gone as he stares you down. “You need to be quiet for me, can you do that?” One hand cradles your cheek, the other tugs at your hand, begging to be held.
Before you can answer he’s pulling you with him, leading you to his bedroom. The darkness of the apartment swallows you both as you enter the room, the music fading, the sounds of your eager breath becomes the only sound ringing in both of your ears.
He doesn’t waste time sliding his warm hands underneath your shirt, pulling you closer to him as his lips crash into yours.
Everything about him invades your senses, the taste of his lips, his touch, the smell of him— all of it makes you clench your thighs together as his fingers press into your soft skin.
“I forgot—“ Nanami’s lips trail a path down your throat, his fingers sliding under the waistband of the boxers you’re wearing, “how incredible you look in my clothes.” His boxers, his shirt, his sweatpants— all of it reeks of him— the overwhelming scent of his cologne makes you dizzy as the pads of his fingers teasingly brush against your clit. The tips of your ears burn as you choke down a moan, your own fingers tangling into his combed blonde hair.
He makes a quiet ‘tsk’ before biting your neck, a soft nip before he’s licking the pain away, “quiet—“ lithe fingers sink slowly into you, “or I stop.”
Lust clouds every rational thought swirling around inside of your brain as you nod frantically, desperate for him to continue.
“Good girl.” Your hips grind down onto his fingers, clit brushing against his palm with an infuriating lightness. Not enough. Never enough. A soft whine of frustration sounds in the back of your throat. His free hand sneaks up your throat, his fingers dancing across your jaw, this thumb pulling at your plump bottom lip. A groan—husky and raw sounds deep in his chest as the diget slips past your lips into your warm wet mouth. Hot and slick as he presses the pad of his thumb down onto your tongue.
Dark eyes meet yours in the inky black of his room, “get on the bed.”
He pulls out of you, turning away from you before you can beg him to continue. Nanami rushes to the door, his feet light as he gently clicks it closed. You’re too busy peeling off his boxers to notice him lick a long stripe up his slick fingers, but you hear the sound he makes. He groans as his tongue licks every last drop of you from his fingers.
You sink onto the bed just as he flicks on a small lamp, your body cast in that familiar pale yellow glow. Nanami however is a silhouette before you, warm light framing his every move. Clenching around nothing you watch him peel his shirt off, the sound of his pants following suit. You crawl backward in search of the headboard, his hands grasp your ankles and in one quick yank you’re back at the edge. You instinctively clamp your thighs together as he sinks to his knees, hands prying your legs apart. “Don’t run from me, show me what I’ve been missing.” He whispers, his gentle voice sending shivers down your spine and to your waiting cunt. And he notices. You’re spread wide with his hands trailing torturously gentle shapes into your skin.
He feels so pathetic. He’s harder than he’s ever been as he gazes at your weeping pussy splayed out for him, leaking down your ass and onto his freshly washed sheets. How long will he just stare at you, mouth watering as you bite down hard on your bottom lip while your legs tremble under his feather light touch.
“Kento-“ you mumble, “this is embarrassing stop teasing m—“ you gasp at the sudden sensation. His lips find your swollen clit without fail, the familiarity slowly rising back to the surface. He mumbles against you, his words muffled and sending shivers straight through you as his fingers prod at your dripping hole.
It’s torture you think. The way he flattens his tongue against your throbbing clit, fingers sliding in with ease as you clasp your hand around your mouth. Lips trembling as you choke down moan after moan.
Nanami’s always been a tender lover, putting your needs above his own— it’s nice to know that hasn’t changed as you dig your heels into his mattress, thighs trembling and back arching ever so slightly as he bullies his fingers into you again and again. The desperate depraved moans you choke down slip out as small squeaks that have Nanami leaking through his boxers.
He can’t take it— how warm you are against his fingers, juices leaking down his arm, his tongue working in ways he’d forgot possible. He moans against you one final time before pulling off, licking his lips clean as you prop yourself up onto your elbows.
“Ken—“
“Turnover” his voice deep and laced with utter desperation as you watch him tuck his thumbs under the electric of his boxers.
It was like a game, waiting to see who will crack first as he peels away that last layer of fabric. He’s throbbing and so painfully hard under your watchful gaze. Your eyes taking in every vein, admiring that upward bend that had to seeing stars countless times— not even a foot away from you now.
“Can I-“ suck you off.
Large hands pull you forward, “Later.” That inhuman strength has you spinning, landing on your stomach with a startled yelp.
You push yourself up, arms trembling as he reaches over you and snatches a pillow. “W-wait, I wanted to—“ you go to stutter in protest only for his palm to press down firmly on your back, right between your shoulder blades. One second your hips are pressed into the soft bedsheets— the next they’re held high in the air only supported by his brutal grasp.
Your senses are on fire. Your cheek is pressed into a pillow that smells so much like his shampoo, your thighs covered in your cooling slick, all you can hear is your own hammering heart and jagged breaths as his hands slide over you. One trailing up the small of your back, sneaking over your shoulder blades and stopping at your nape. The other holds you up by the hips as he slots his cock between your slick folds with a sickeningly low groan.
Nanami presses his chest against your back, you can feel his heart, feel his body heat, you can practically taste the sweat that already adorns his face as his lips hover over the shell of your ear. “Tell me to stop, and I’ll stop.” He whispers, his voice so husky you can feel the rumble slide down your throat and live in your ribcage. You nod frantically, “Fine, okay you have my word— fuck—hurry up already! Please-please-please—“ you whine, a memory that will have your cheeks the richest shade of red come tomorrow.
“Good girl,” he hums, his tip slowly enters you with an infuriating slowness that has you gripping the sheets under you. “You learned how to use your words, m’proud of you angel.” He moans as he wills himself to go slowly, he wants to savor the way you clench around him again, savor the way you gush at his gentle praise.
One twitch of your hips and you’d be completely split open, and somehow that’s what you need. You press yourself into his sheets, rocking your hips back into him with that impatience that pissed him off and made him even harder.
More.
More.
More.
You groan, your lip bitten and raw as you beg. “Ken—“
His chest still rests against your back as he litters your neck in open mouth kisses, “I know, Angel.” His teeth graze the flesh of your neck to feel you tremble under him. “Be patient for me.”
It’s so hard to obey when he’s moving so deliberately slow— drawing it out so you feel every vein, every twitch, every slight stutter of his hips when you whine into the pillow under you. You don’t know how hard it is for him not to grab a fist full of your hair and press your face into the sheets— how hard it is for him not to snap his hips into yours at such a brutal pace it gives you a lip the next day. He needs to hear you scream his name until your lungs burn and your hands cramp from clinging onto him with the last of your strength.
Next time he thinks. Next time you’ll be all alone, folded in half under him with your pretty little face staring up at him as he fucks you again and again.
“So good for me.” He moans into your ear as his hips finally meet the swell of your ass. “So good.” He bites your neck, stifling a moan as you clench around him.
Nanami kisses the pain away as he pulls out halfway and then slowly entering again. And again. And again.
The feeling of him so deep in your gut has you panting, trembling and clawing at his pillow. Your hands ache from clinging to anything you can reach, but you’re afraid if you didn’t occupy yourself you’d scream, so completely under his control it drives you insane. You’re so focused on breathing and willing yourself not to be too loud that you don’t feel one of his hands leaving your body only to wrap around your wrist, his thumb circling your skin in time with his movements.
Slow and lazy strokes turn into quick sloppy thrusts, the soft squelch of your mixed arousal becoming louder in your ears. All you can hear is Nanami’s low groans next to your ear and the subtle squeak of the bed frame and it has your head spinning.
“Ken—“ you moan, teeth imbedded in your bottom lip.
He reminds that eager little yelp in your tone even when it’s being suppressed. You’re close already. So so close.
He sneaks his other hand under you, trailing it down your stomach as the other tightens around your wrist. 
Even if he can read you, he needs to know. To hear it drip from your lips and into the heated sizzling air. “What do you need? Tell me—fuck— tell me what you need.”
Your stomach flutters, ears burning and legs trembling as you whine. So high pitched and pathetic it has him reeling on top of you, his cock throbbing at the sound of pure desperation.
“M’so close— Kento please I need—fuck fuck fuck—“ you shudder as you feel the heat of his palm hovering over your clit. “Need to cum—“
His fingers hone in on your pulsing bud before the words even finish leaving your lips.
Who is he to deny you that high?
Maybe you’ve been so unknowingly pent up, or maybe you just craved his touch that much— but as soon as the rough pads of his fingers sought you out you felt your back bow, your lips tremble and you’re turning your hand palm up to intertwine your fingers with his as the coil in your gut tightens.
Nanami’s face scrunches as he feels your pussy tighten around him. You squeeze his hand, you tremble under him and moan and drool onto his pillow. His bed might’ve smelt like him this morning but tonight it drips with you. The body he’s craved ever since his eyes met yours for the very first time— his pace quickens.
“Cum for me,” he hooks his chin over your shoulder. “Please— I need you to— fuck— I need it.” He whimpers, words trembling as his fingers quicken, his hand could fall off for all he cared. He needed this. He needed you.
He’s whined before, but now in this moment it sounded so sinful. His face was so close to yours, you could feel his now damp hair touch your cheek, you could feel his breath and if you opened your eyes— see the bead of sweat trickle down the curve of his nose.
His gruff voice sounded so sweet as he begged you, pleaded with you to cum around his cock.
You nodded, frantic.
The only warning your body allows is a shiver that shoots up the base of your spine as you cum. White flashes behind your eyelids as you bite into the pillow, your teeth threaten to pop a seam as you ride our your violent high through choked sobs.
Nanami cums after you, your tight walls spasming around him as he pumps you full with a groan that hangs heavy in the sticky air.
It takes everything he has left not to collapse on top of you as he eases his way out. Leaning back he watches as his cum oozes out of you, and with gentle fingers he pushes it back in, watching the way you writhe as overstimulation knocks on your door.
With a fuzzy head you allow him to carefully lay you on your back. His hand cups your cheek as he presses a parting kiss to your forehead. You hardly register his absence till you feel him part your legs, a warm towel glides up your legs and you hum at the cozy feeling of it. The familiar comfort he brings you is something you’ve missed. Nanami takes his time cleaning you up before he urges you under the covers. You sleepily comply.
Sleepily. Who knew his dick would be your melatonin again, you think to yourself as you tuck yourself farther into his bed with a content sigh. Before sleep can fully grasp you, you feel Nanami’s strong arms pull you to his chest, his nose buried in the crook of your neck once more. It isn’t long before you fall asleep in his arms, in the pitch black of his room, in a bed that smells like black coffee and lavender, just like you used to. It’s so familiar, so inviting and whole.
Maybe your next boyfriend will be better than the last guy. In fact… maybe he’ll be just like your ex-husband.
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insanechayne · 2 months ago
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#I think I’m lonely in a way I can’t fully describe#I have a partner and friends and family but still often feel alone even when I’m with them#I don’t feel close to anyone at times and I don’t know if it’s outside circumstances or just me#like with my partner being asexual we don’t really do certain activities that I’d like to partake in more often and I can’t hold it against#them for how they do/don’t feel but at the same time I’m craving a physical connection I can’t have and am struggling#doesn’t help that I think about sex all the time nowadays and would really like to be having it and experiencing/exploring certain things#it’s not always easy to take care of oneself that way and still also try to console the ace partner apologizing for who they are#and yeah hall passes are great but only if you have someone to use it on and I’ve never had anyone want to be with me sexually#moving on to bestie I don’t feel my same love and affection being reciprocated and that sucks because I really do anything I can for him#and am like that with pretty much all of mt friends where if they need me for something I’ll be there#but a lot of the time it seems like he really only wants to talk/hang out with me if he’s at work and I can come visit with him#any time I invite him to do something with me outside of work he flakes and so it’s not even worth inviting him anymore#and yeah there’s rare times where he’ll call me a bunch in one day but it’s always just to tell me some gossip from work#not that gossip isn’t fun but still don’t you want to jus talk to me? I always want to just talk to you even if it’s about nothing at all#I’m always the one putting myself out there for him and being there for him when he calls me but I almost never get that same response back#and it’s like I know he has a family so I know he can’t always drop everything for me nor would I ever expect that but just some matching of#my energy would be nice you know? but then I feel guilty/selfish because I feel like I shouldn’t ask that of him when he does have a life#away from work. and I mean I guess I do too but it’s different because partner and I don’t have kids and don’t do much aside from sit around#together or have tea or other things most often done at home. and I don’t live with partner full time yet so I also still have other freedom#outside of just being with them. and other responsibilities I take care of but not on the same level as a wife and kids I guess#idk now I just feel like I’m whining but tbh all this stuff is weighing on me and just making me feel really shitty#I don’t know how to fix these issues without sounding like a selfish bitch and I’m obviously not going to cut anyone off but I don’t really#see any other solutions forming either. so it’s like I guess I’ll just keep my mouth shut and keep feeling bad until the end of time since#that’s the easiest thing to do and then no one else is hurt or upset aside from me#I just feel like I’m destined to float through life never getting back what I need from my relationships but still giving everything because#I don’t know any other way to be. I don’t know how to set boundaries even for myself so I’ll just keep giving and giving until I’m dead#and yeah I guess I am still a lot happier than I used to be and I appreciate the people in my life#just sometimes feels like they don’t really appreciate me back is all#so now I have to lay here next to partner and have all this shit running in my mind and try to get over it on my own#reasonably I should just go to bed but the loneliness is gnawing at me and idk what to do to make it go away
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yanderenightmare · 8 months ago
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TW: nsfw, dubcon, coercion, bullying
fem reader
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Your bully says he’s always been curious about what it’s like to fuck a geeky good girl like you—and that he’ll leave you if you let him have a taste.
You knew he was probably mostly joking when he offered… but you were sick and tired and perhaps a little desperate for the chance of him finally leaving you alone—so you balled your fists within his shirt, dragged him inside an empty classroom, and told him he could do whatever he wanted.
You don’t know who was more surprised.
He never knew you to be so brazen—but it’s not like you’re some blushing virgin, either.
You have experience. However, most of that experience is with nicer guys… not someone like him…
It’s not like you expected him to go easy on you, but still…
You bruise against the desk he has you bent over on—dewy-faced and panting, lying cheek-down in your own drool as he fucks full-chested moans right out of you. He snickers when your thighs shake, whistling with a grin when feeling your tight cunt flutter around him—slick dripping to the floor in a little puddle.
“You’re so wet it’s embarrassing.” He laughs.
He’s got your arms tussled behind your back, using your shirt as bindings—having balled your skirt up around your waist in two tight fists, knuckles white while using it to keep you still as he pounds into you with a mean snap of his hips. 
Your heart drops when you hear a rip. A second time when, you feel his movements still, and a thick warmth starts to fill you.
“Ah—fuck—don’t squeeze so tight—I’m ‘bout to—” He grunts, but it’s already too late once he pulls out.
Panting heavily as his cock drips with the last drop—hunched over—his eyes fall to your glossy cunt, half-mast while staring at the way his cum slowly leaks out of the still-fluttering little hole. 
He feels a cute-aggressive urge to slap it but doesn’t want to get his hand all sticky.
He pulls his pants up instead, only bothering to button his shirt up halfway, tie hanging loosely around his neck. Anyone with eyes could guess what he’d been doing with his sweaty hair and that flushed look on his face.
And yet he starts leaving without a care or a word. 
Already halfway out the door before you get your wits back.
“No—wait!” You warble, unknotting your sleeves to wrap your shirt around you. “You can’t leave me like this—my skirt…” You hold the tattered piece up for him to see, showing him the tear he’d made, rendering it unwearable.
His hand is still on the doorknob, only bothering to acknowledge you with a jaded look over his shoulder. “How’s that my problem?”
Your brows cinch that pitiful way it always does. That cute way that has his gut bubble and fizz. “Please…” You plead, and it’s almost enough to make his cock perk up again. “Just bring me a skirt from lost and found… please?”
He sighs—the door at his back as he leans against it with arms folded upon his chest. “Tch—and what's in it for me?”
You nibble your lip in thought—but you already know the answer. 
“I’ll be better at it next time—just... please?”
“Hm…” He hums in thought, a small smirk playing at the corner of his lips, tugged as if your words had pulled it with string. “Wait here, I’ll be back.”
The door closed with a click, and you were left in the classroom alone.
A few minutes passed. You doubted his return. 
You could always call a friend… but you didn’t want to get anyone into any trouble—calling them when they’re in class. Also, how would you even explain it to them? What type of person skips class to have sex in an empty classroom? Not to mention, they’d ask who you’d done it with—and there was just no way you could tell them. It’d be too embarrassing—you might just die—and if anyone else ever found out, he’d more likely kill you himself.
Well… suppose you could always make the run to Lost and Found yourself. The hallways should be mostly empty at this hour, but there’s really no guarantee. 
In the end, the thought of someone catching you in cum-soaked panties makes you hold onto all hope that your bully would return as he’d said.
And fifteen minutes later, he does. Black school skirt in one hand and strawberry milk in the other. Seemed he’d taken the time to stop at a vending machine.
But you don’t care. Breathing out a sigh of relief—gratitude on your lips as you leap over to him. “Thank you—” 
You eagerly accept the skirt—putting it on just as quickly.
He leans back against the door again, sipping his carton while watching you fall still with dismay. Humored at the pout that takes your lips as you look up at him with those pitiful doe-eyes.
“This is too short…”
He hides his smile with a tilt of his head. “Oh?” He grabs his jaw and pretends to assess your bottom half with focus. “Hmm… turn around, lemme see.”
You listen trustingly—as though you actually believe he cares. It almost makes him laugh out loud at how fucking gullible you are. But he keeps his act tight. Humming at the sight of the skirt only barely covering the crease of your cute ass.
“You’re right—something’s off.” He admits. 
You look back at him just in time to see his smirk before he grabs you. 
Keeping you still with an arm wrapped around your waist, he tips you over and grabs your panties—pulling them despite your body's protests as you wiggle in his hold. You cry as the fabric wedges up between your asscheeks, kicking your legs behind you until feeling it rip.
“There you go…” He coos while letting go of you, twirling the torn string in his hand. “Now it fits perfectly.”
He chuckles at the pretty tears clumped upon your lashes as you look at him with your lip tucked between your teeth until you finally get the grit to say what’s on the tip of your tongue.
“You’re an asshole.”
He sneers with a smile and bags your panties in his pocket—then turns around and opens the door. Leaving you worse off than before.
“Never said otherwise, buttercup.”
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BNHA – Bakugou, Dabi, Shigaraki, Hawks, Shinso, Kirishima
JJK – Sukuna, Geto, Gojo, Toji
DS – Akaza, Sanemi
HQ – Kuro, Miya twins
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