#i‘m not having a good time tbh

[max-fewtrell]

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[vortexbloom]

His favorite Soldier 𖤓 (Part 2)

Pairing: Capitano x Female Soldier Reader

Fandom: Genshin Impact

Warnings: A bit spicy I guess.

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Masterlist - Genshin Impact

Moodboards - Genshin Impact

Masterlist - Honkai Star Rail

Boycott List

His favorite Soldier 𖤓 (Part 1)

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English is not my first/native language, so there might be misspellings etc.

I do NOT own any Characters like Capitano !

Have fun reading this :D

Art by: @rotten_hyena on X (Twitter)

It’s been a few weeks since your awkward conversation with Capitano about your failed mission.

You've got assigned for another mission and somehow, you managed to fail….again.

But at least there weren’t so many dead soldiers this time, so no need to be worried….right?….

And that’s how you thought wrong, cause you've been called to Capitano’s office as soon as he found out about the second mission you failed.

You two were now, just like a few weeks ago, in his office.

"Y/n….I think we both now why I called you to my office again, right."

Nodding, you looked up at him.

"Yes, my Lord. I know why I‘m here again…"

Capitano stepped closer, caging you between the wall and his body, making your breath hitch.

"Tell me, do you remember what I said the last time we talked?

You nodded, remembering exactly what he once said.

"Yes, my Lord. You said that you wouldn’t accept another failed mission…"

"Indeed, at least you listened to my words, but do you also know what those words mean?"

"Well…I may be wrong, but I assume I‘ll be punished…..or worse…"

Capitano nods.

"You’re right, there will be a punishment."

His hands now wandered to your waist, making you blush.

"My Lord….may I ask, what kind of punishment will I receive?"

"Let‘s just say, I've prepared something for you."

He squeezes your waist slightly and took off his helmet afterwards.

You were shocked. After all, you never saw the Captain without his Helmet. He looked really handsome, scars and all.

Suddenly, he pressed his lips against yours. You were shocked but kissed him back anyways.

You two stopped kissing after a few seconds, a string of saliva connecting you two.

"I feel like you’re gonna like this….punishment."

And with that, you two continued your little making out session (and a lot more hehe).

Even though this was a supposed to be a punishment, it felt more like a reward for you.

I know this was kinda short and the end kinda sucked, but I was too lazy to write a whole smut scene tbh.

Have a good day/night/evening/morning/afternoon ☼꥟☽

[hrizantemy]

Tbh, it‘s not just the problems that come down later like when Nyx loses both of his parents because of the damn bargain…

The very thought of sharing everything, and I really mean LITERALLY EVERYTHING with someone disturbs me. Feyre doesn’t have anything that used to belong to just to her anymore. Her soul, her time, her entire future and now her death is shared with Rhys. Even her past can’t be her own if Rhys is free to go into her head and look at her past memories.

This would make me feel.. suffocating. I would need some time to breath, which means time away from him for a long time. I would think of bringing Nesta and Elain (pre acosf) to the continent (and the other courts too) and we would deal with our shit there without anyone interfering and I‘m sure that would‘ve helped our relationship, especially for Nesta, far more than when the Inner circle keeps interfering. Mating bond is closed, mental shield is up. We‘d be gone until we‘re all 3 healed, relationship stronger than ever and I have plan for my future. The very thought of my entire existence depending on someone else is scaring me.

I‘d rather much grieve my loved ones than literally die with them. Feyre can’t do shit anymore without making sure that Rhys is safe, literally.

And sure, you could say that Rhys also has nothing of his own anymore, but Rhys has already lived for centuries, of course he‘d then choose a simple life. Feyre is only in her 20 and she barely had a good childhood. That girl needs time away from him to get a clear mind.

In the words of Sexyy Red: “Fuck Feyre’s baby dad.”

Now, let’s get into it.

The way the series presents Feyre and Rhysand’s relationship as the ultimate ideal—this all-consuming, soul-deep connection—ends up feeling less like love and more like a loss of identity. Love should enhance who you are, not erase it. But Feyre’s story becomes increasingly about how she exists in relation to Rhys rather than as her own person. The moment the mating bond snaps into place, everything about her life, choices, and even her death revolves around him.

And it’s not just about the literal aspects of their bond, like the bargain tying their deaths together. It’s the psychological weight of it all. Feyre doesn’t have space to process her trauma alone. She doesn’t get a break from Rhys being inside her head, her memories, her emotions. There’s no room for independence because even when she thinks she’s making her own decisions, they always circle back to Rhys. And since Rhys has positioned himself as the person who “saved” her from Tamlin, there’s a deeply uncomfortable undertone of permanent indebtedness.

The scariest part is that she never even considers walking away—not because she doesn’t want to, but because the narrative doesn’t let her. She’s never given the time or space to even question whether this dynamic is healthy for her. And she should have had that chance. Feyre was thrown into a life-changing bond at an age where she barely had a chance to live. The girl spent her entire human life in survival mode, then her Fae life immediately became about either escaping Tamlin, fighting wars, or being Rhys’s equal in power. Where was the room to discover herself?

Your idea of Feyre, Nesta, and Elain leaving to the Continent is brilliant because it forces them to exist outside of the people who have defined them for so long. Imagine what could have happened if they had the chance to just be—to build something for themselves away from the expectations of the Night Court. Nesta especially needed to be removed from the suffocating pressure of the Inner Circle’s forced interventions, and Feyre desperately needed to see herself outside of the “High Lady” identity that Rhys pushed on her. They wouldn’t be coddled or controlled. They’d be able to make mistakes, explore who they are without judgment, and heal on their own terms.

But instead, Feyre is locked into a fate where she can’t even breathe without Rhys being a part of it. The more you think about it, the more terrifying it is. It’s one thing to love someone deeply, but it’s another to lose yourself in them entirely. Feyre never gets the choice to be her own person anymore—her past, present, and future are all dictated by her mate bond, her duties, and her role as Rhysand’s other half. And the worst part? The story presents this as romantic.

It’s not romantic. It’s suffocating. Feyre deserved the choice to live for herself.

[yourgoddesspenelope]

In how far are you into feminization? As in emasculating men to become sissys and all that stuff? Or other ways? I personally love to be a feminine man, and I happen to be a switch, but at the same time I don't like to be degraded *for* being feminine; it's an aspect of mine which I'm proud of and content with, I just happen to like to look very pretty while being humiliated in other ways. Or I love to be feminine while domming, which I see rarely attributed to feminine looking men, sadly.

This is such a good question, thank you for asking!

Tbh, I‘m not into the whole sissy thing, bc I think that a lot of it is rooted in misogyny. (Correct me if I’m wrong please!)

Wearing feminine clothing and makeup should not make anyone feel degraded in any way, which I think is often the case with the sissy kink specifically. I do like putting men in pretty dresses, skirts, do their make up for them, etc. but because I genuinely like how it looks. I think it looks pretty and I would also want my sub to feel pretty in that moment, not degraded or humiliated, you know? I’m really hoping I’m making sense here.

I also like playing with gender and gender expression. And that may be because I’m non binary and very much aware that gender is a social construct. Maybe I’ll call a grown man princess as a term of endearment, maybe I’ll have him call me daddy for a change. I think I just like thinking outside the boundaries of the binary gender system.

I‘m very attracted to femininity or what is socially understood as „feminine“ - in men, women, other non binary people, … doesn’t really matter.

I think that’s where my feminization kink stems from.

I also like what you said about being feminine while domming. It’s true that we rarely see feminine men be attributed with dominance. I think that’s such a shame, and probably stems from the same old stereotypes that women have been dealing with for decades: Man/Masculinity = strong, Woman/Femininity = weak.

[terielle]

Thoughts on X Drake #1

So I‘m cure writing a fanfiction with this guy, so he is a lot on my mind lately. And I‘m trying to understand his moral code.

And I‘d like to know if I’m on the wrong track or if it makes sense to anyone besides me. Maybe it was said a hundred times before and I just missed it.

But:

Back On Minion Island his Father’s said he is tough but a coward.

And in Wano he acts like a lot of things are below him, or his presence would be over the top.

Like when he and Page One have to find the ominous Soba cook or with Hawkins in the bathhouse (tbh, he probably wanted to skip this because he can’t handle barely dressed women)

But I think his reasons are the same in all of these three scenarios.

It was neither cowardice nor arrogance.

He didn’t want to.

Why?

Drake wanted to become a Marine as a kid. Bering a pirate with his father probably didn’t sit right with him. I mean, he was probably scared of Barrels, since he mistreated him. So he was afraid to openly rebel against him but he was most likely holding back in battle or reluctant to engage.

And in Wano he was undercover. He did what ever was necessary, to keep his cover and get a reputation and a good position among the Beast Pirates, so he could gather as much intel as possible.

So He did whatever was necessary, (like raiding Amigasa village) but not more. He didn’t want to terrorize people more than he already had to.

At least that is what I think. I think he is actually not that bad, I mean, he seemed kind of friendly with Corby.

[struggling-author]

Imagine a spy x family au of clark Kent (Superman) as yor forger and Bruce Wayne as Loid

lmao that actually works surprisingly well!

I am tempted to make this for WonderBat but I will resist

So Bruce is still Batman in this universe, but the villain he is currently after is Ra‘s al Ghul, who never shows his face in public except for at the private school his grandson attends.

Since he is also still Bruce Wayne, getting in won‘t be a problem but well… he needs a kid for that, and unfortunately he is fresh out.

Luckily, on the day Ra‘s trail leads him to the school, he runs into reporter Clark Kent who is writing a piece on Eden College. As they talk, Clark mentions how his son Jon dreamt of getting into the school, but unfortunately he couldn’t afford it, so immediately a plan forms in Bruce‘s head. He and Clark will pretend to be married so he can use his Wayne money and influence to get Jon in. Clark of course refuses because he can’t ask that of someone he just met - though in that very moment his super senses pick up on something, Bruce has been followed (he’s not as careful in this Universe I guess, bear with me I need this for the story lol) and a sniper is about to shoot him. Clark reacts on instinct throwing himself at Bruce, pushing him out of the way, then takes his hand to run into an alleyway. Some shots hit Clark but he is unaffected and Bruce pretends not to notice. The sniper catches up to them from the roof above, so Clark knowing nothing else to do takes a pebble and throws it with just the right speed to knock him out without killing him (assume this is possible, Idk). His excuse is:

„I used to be pebble throwing champion at the eagle scouts, I have a badge to prove it“ (he actually does lol)

Bruce is not an idiot and doesn’t buy it, but he seizes the opportunity to say that now after Clark saved him he is in his debt, so he will help his son get into the school. Clark still tries to interject, but Bruce stops him by pulling a clip from his pocket (usually used for grappling lol) and grabbing his hands.

„I swear to you, for saving my life, I will do everything in my power to get your son into Eden College, and until my debt is paid, I will be your husband and this ring shall represent my promise.“ as he puts the clip on the finger of a very flustered Clark.

And so it happens that Clark and Jon move into Wayne Manor and Bruce gets Jon into Eden, where Jon meets Damian and they become immediate rivals.

Shenanigans ensue as Bruce tries to get Jon closer to Damian without being too obvious, while also trying to figure out wtf is up with his new husband and adopted son because they are clearly not human and very bad at hiding it. He gets struck by Loid Forger loveblindness though, so he never makes the connection to Superman (who he knows exists but has probably never met) and over time he starts caring less and less about it because he has always wanted a family and it feels so good after being alone all his life and he doesn’t wanna ruin it it’s just for the mission anyway and Clark is clearly too good a person to be a threat so it doesn’t matter. Or maybe he figures it out immediately and spends the rest of the story pretending to ignore the blatantly obvious ways in which Clark reveals himself and nodding at all his ridiculous excuses. (I might prefer this one tbh 😆)

There‘ll probably also be an arc where Bruce learns Damian is actually his biological son and has an emotional crisis.

Clark spends all his time badly hiding his identity, all the while never realizing his partner is actually Batman, despite him sneaking out every night and coming back with bruises (he knows that from his powers but he thinks it’s not his business what Bruce does in his private time, so he tries not to think about it)

So both still go on their superhero missions and if you want they can meet as heroes too and then you basically get Miraculous Ladybug lol

Maybe they also adopt Krypto for Jon.

Oh and I‘m imagining Lois died at some point when Jon was still very young, so him and Bruce really bond over that and Bruce remembers the reason for his mission, so that no child would ever have to lose their parents again (which gets complicated as he still fully plans to leave them once he has captured Ra‘s)

Franky is Alfred btw so Jon still gets a cool Uncle.

Maybe there is also a subplot where Clark spends his whole time fending off enemies trying to attack his completely normal civilian husband (how weird of them, right?) because the sniper managed to escape and leaked his identity. Luckily most his villains don’t believe such a ridiculous conspiracy theory (I mean spoiled billionaire Bruce Wayne as Batman? how laughable!) so only some local gangs come after him.

That’s all I got for now, feel free to add on lol and thanks for the ask.

[peachshadows]

You Sundown Era AU is high-key one of my favourite Monkie Kid stories period. Which is HORRIBLE. It‘s just going to hurt in the end! Just as these more jaded versions of our favourite little guys find that piece they‘ve been missing, MK wants to leave again.

This can only end in heartbreak :(

So I‘m actually really excited that you said that you plan to make some changes to include parts of Season 5?

Is Sundown Era going to be the 'next cycle'? As in- MK stayed in the pillar? So the world began anew but with changes?

(excluding MK, because he was created by Nuwa specifically for the previous cycle)

Maybe Nuwa decides to give him another chance at life for being such a good suicidal chaos harbinger?

But for MK no time passed AT ALL, so he (wrongly) believes he stepped into a seperate dimension?

And maybe when he first finds out the truth his heart SHATTERS breaks just a little. But with some time he does see the spark of who his friends used to be. And in the same way they all fell for him anew, he himself starts loving his family all over again. BECAUSE THEY‘RE FAMILY IN EVERY UNIVERSE.

Also- them finding out Nuwa created MK with his only purpose in life being to die. And the only reason he got the chance to experience life properly is beacause the nine headed demon pitied him enough to intervene?

👀

If not- what changes DID you have in mind? Only small ones (more like little nods to the new season) or also plot related ones?

Honestly those are good points! Tho I'm still not sure how the whole cycle thing works other than the world dying and starting all over again with MK or Wukong's sacrifice so tbh this au can be seen in two ways: sundown world IS the next cycle after the canon one where MK sacrificed himself hence sundown world doesn't have an MK of their own or sundown world is still a different universe BUT sd!MK's stone hasn't been tampered with which is why he's not in the world (yet)

Although you'll definitely see the additions I added as of s5 to sundown in chapter 6 like Wukong's powers weakening, his hold on chaos and order slowly slipping away and cracks in the sky are starting to appear but v small and miniscule at the start and it just gets worse and worse the longer MK stays in the sundown world so even when by the end of it sd!gang wants MK to stay, it's ultimately not good for their world so they have to let him go (but not without a fight) tho they might misinterpret the world collapsing as sd!Wukong's temper to finally see his heir get married to two of the most powerful clans of celestial and mortal realm

[nalyra-dreaming]

Hello, please don't take it bad because, through the question maybe the tone can be a bit weird also I know you talked about it hundred of times.

But as a Loumand enjoyer and someone who take them for what they were,creepy,toxic, unbalanced but also beautiful because i like good chemistry and no one can deny their good chemistry right? Jacob and Assad were beautiful together.

What i don't understand is why,i keep seeing from most of the fandom the reasons they don't like them is because they were toxic/weird dynamic, aren't all the relationships in the VC romantic or not,toxic/weird?

I promise i didn't make a fanfic in my head,i knew from the start we were watching a divorce but they still had some on-screen good moments?

They will still be important for each other lives in the future right?

I feel like most of the vitriol i see for them (not from you) is because Loumand feels like a ''threat'' (I can't find a better word) to the existence of the two main pairings.

I don't think they were because of the dungeon scene is a proof they were never meant to be but still I'm sure some people felt threatened.There no other reason i can see.

In the future they will be other weird dynamic between other characters and i can see them receiving such a treatment.

Also I know some Loumand enjoyers are the reason we are seen as the annoying part of the fandom including myself.

All good :) (your tone is fine^^)

Tbh I haven’t seen much of what you refer to (I barely make it out of my inbox and DMs right now 🤪) but I think what you witness now is the backlash after almost two years of “Lestat is an abusive racist and we cannot wait to see Louis in a healthy, wholesome romance with a POC character and nothing of Lestat anymore“.

Like, don’t misunderstand me, I‘m not saying you did this. But this definitely happened. The show never promised Loumand to be wholesome, but since it was commented on as healthy and wholesome on the podcast many took that as fact. Pointing out book canon things were met with “anti accusations“ (even by some I would have never expected it from). Suggesting that the “tale“ might not be correct was taken as racist, and abuse apology bc the black man was “made to be a liar“. No matter the cast and writers and crew comments on this. (But I‘ve been over this in my rant, it’s linked in my bio if you want to read it, not rehashing it all now).

And that for over 1,5 years. There’s comments on my fics you wouldn’t believe. And no pointing out discrepancies, nor book canon facts made any dent into these accusations. It was always argued that the show is its own thing - and that is true - and yet they have now circled back MUCH closer to the book canon than I had actually anticipated.

So.

I get that it’s hard right now? I have said before that I see Loumand as totally valid - but for me it is mostly later on, when it’s on equal level. I think it is totally valid to enjoy them now, too, while being aware of the manipulative layers and the fucked-up dynamics:))

Ultimately… there’s not much for you to do except curate your dash. Go and block haters freely, leave those voices that you like or that disagree with you on a respectful level.

Especially for future (also rather toxic) pairings that WILL come up this will be MO. :) Fortunately tumblr has some practical tools there. ^^

[lorifragolina]

Hello! I wanted to post all my bingo fills for @harringrovesummerbingo last week but I couldn't, but I hope I could do it before the event ends! I was inspired by "Mine" by Taylor Swift (in Glee version, tbh, I'm afraid I'm not a swiftie XD) and it seems to me really Harringrove coded (but what song is not?).

It was complicated writing it and I'm not sure I could do a decent word, but I hope it fits with the promt.

Hope you enjoy!

Title: Mine

Square & Prompt: C2 "Hold on to love"

Rating: Mature

Word Count: 3119

Major Tags: mental issues (mentioned).

Summary: Billy and Steve meet again and feel in love in college, but life is difficult and they have to fight for their love.

Read in on AO3

“I am dreaming or that's you, Harrington?”

Steve suddenly raised his head. It was like he was seeing a ghost of the past.

“Billy?” He said. 

Billy Hargrove put the coffee he had ordered on the table, holding the tray. 

For both of them, the other was the last person they had expected to see there, in a cafe in the campus in Chicago, on a spring Friday at 5 pm.

“Who bailed you, Harrington?” Said Billy later, at the second cup Steve ordered, an hour and a half later. 

Steve looked at the basketball match tickets he had in his hands. She wasn’t anything really, they met in class and started talking, and Steve invited her to the cafeteria two hours before. It was evident that she wouldn’t come. 

“Are you busy, Hargrove?”

They arrive a little late to the match, but anyway, Steve had a good time. He didn’t really follow college basketball, but the girl seemed interested in his team captain past, so it seemed a good idea to him.

Billy seemed happy, though, he was screaming and cheering, and he gave him a beautiful smile when he passed him the beer he bought for him.

Steve had observed Hargrove in the cafe, while he was serving at the tables: he was still muscled as in high school, the blonde curls tied back in a bun and, maybe, a little less tanned, his blue eyes and his signature mocking grin like he remembered. 

It was almost four years since the last time they saw each other, and a lot of things had changed. Steve was changed and he had discovered things about him, and then he accepted those things, thinking he had left behind the bigot atmosphere of a little midwest city. 

Hargrove seemed changed too, his voice was less sharp, when he greeted him before. He seemed really surprised to see him, and maybe a little pleased. He didn’t seem so abrasive when Steve explained briefly that the girl bailed him.

“I worked after graduation… and I traveled a little. I saved for college, but last year I won a scholarship”.

Steve nodded. It was strange they never crossed the campus last year, but Steve wasn’t exactly regular to class. He will be a senior next year and frankly he couldn't say he killed himself studying.

“Well, I‘m here,” Billy stopped in front of his dorm’s door, biting his lips and looking to the ground.

“I had a good time. Thanks for saving me from the shame of being bailed, Billy,” Steve smiled.

“At your service, princess,” Billy answered, regaining for a second the bitchy glimpse he had for Steve in high school.

“Maybe we can grab a drink sometimes?” Steve teased.

Billy nodded lightly. “Why not,” he looked at him with an unreadable expression, something between uncertainty and expectancy. “You know where to find me”.

“Of course. Good night, see you”, Steve waved and went away when Billy closed the door.

Billy stayed a little leaning on the door, catching his breath. Harrington, the last person he thought to see in Chicago, or anywhere. And he was desperate to kiss him goodnight.

They went out for that drink an evening of the same week, reconnecting a little and talking about the good old times; then Steve invited Billy to play basketball with his friends, in the park near his shared apartment, where they often threw parties for the girls too. Steve always invited him, but Billy didn’t always feel comfortable. He wasn’t officially out but his preferences weren't a secret for his closest friends, who were really little at the campus anyway. 

The cafeteria hosted a lot of lgbt events and it didn’t bother him, but for the first time in ages he started feeling uncomfortable again, when he was with Harrington and his gang of college studs, with their gross jokes and posters of boobs. He returned to feel like that scared boy at the high school, worried inside not to seem too queer. 

Steve smiled friendly at him, and Billy felt he was lying to him because he still liked him like in high school, and, although he smoothed a lot his temper, he started feeling some of that old rage of a caged animal; he didn’t want to lose Steve but he didn’t want to lie to him either. 

“It’s all ok, Billy?”

“Yes, why?” Damn, he probably answered too fast. 

“It seems you are avoiding me, lately,” Steve frowned. Billy declined all his invitations in the last two weeks. Steve had to catch him at work to talk to him. “Did I do something?”

“No,” Billy collected the cups from the bar, without looking at him. “I was just busy”.

“You sure?”

Billy nodded. 

“Did you find a girlfriend?” Joked Steve, trying to make him talk. They were not so close he expected Billy to tell him all his life, but he felt a little neglected.

“Of course not, Harrington,” Billy answered drily. The moment was valid as any other. “It would be a boyfriend, in any case,” he deliberately avoided Steve’s eyes and kept washing the plates.

Steve stayed silent for a moment, processing his words, probably. 

“And…” Steve stretched out a little to him.

“No. No boyfriend,” said Billy blushing.

“So you’re free for a drink?”

“What?” Billy was surprised and looked at Steve in the face: he didn’t seem disgusted or bothered by his confession.

“If you’re not avoiding me and you’re not dating anyone, I guess we can go out together, when you finish here”.

“Like…”

“Just a drink, if you want. You’re not avoiding me, right?”

Billy frowned, confused, but he had to nod. He had to be able to be just friends with Steve, he was an adult. Now Steve knew everything about him and still wanted to be with him, it was a progress.

They were sitting together on Steve's sofa, playing video games. Billy wasn’t really good but he enjoyed the ritual with the other guys, they’re playing with one of Steve’s roommates, another senior with whom Steve has been living since their freshmen year. They mocked him a little, as usual, when he dumbly lost the match. 

“Do you want something more?” Said the guy pointing at the empty bottles on the table.

“Oh yes, thanks, a beer for me. Billy?”

“Why not. Do you need help?”

“No, thanks, I’ll be back in a minute”, he disappeared to the kitchen.

“I’m really useless at this, don’t you think?”

“Nah, it’s just you don’t have muscular memory. We've been playing since we were kids”.

Billy pursed his lips, and nodded. His father never allowed him to own or play video games.

Billy chuckled and threw the controller, resting his head on the armrest; Steve smiled at him and got nearer, lightly touching Billy’s knee with his own; Billy felt goosebumps in his nape, but didn’t move his leg, watching Steve lying a little on him.

“Can you believe it?” whispered Steve, near his ear. “We, sitting here like friends. Would you ever have imagined it, back in Hawkins?”

Billy shivered, but tried to smile too. “No, I never thought we could be…” his voice died on his lips, when Steve took his hand and intertwined their fingers. “…friends”.

Steve stared at his eyes, smiling sweetly, and moving insensibly towards him.

“Harrington, but you don’t…” 

“Oh, yes, I do. I play in more than a team,” Steve smiled.

Billy held his breath, speechless. He squinted his eyes, because he couldn’t do differently.

“Here you are your beer, guys, sorry for the wait”.

Steve’s roommate came back from the kitchen and they moved apart abruptly.

Billy hid in the bathroom for several minutes; he couldn’t hear well, he was surely confused. Even if he could have feelings with Steve, he surely had misread the signals: they were just buddies.

“Billy?” Steve knocked on the door. “Are you ok?”

Billy opened the door after thirty seconds. “Yeah, sure,” he passed at Steve’s side without looking at him; Steve stopped him grabbing his arm.

“Billy, wait!”

Billy freezed and looked frantically at the corridor behind Steve, and Steve sighed.

“Oh… ok. Billy, don’t worry, they are…” Billy stiffened. Steve let him go but insisted on taking a walk with him.

On the way, he told Billy that he had coming to terms with his bisexuality just after graduation, when he was still in Hawkins and started dating Eddie Munson; Billy was frankly surprised, but he wasn’t able to let himself go and relax; and when they got nearer to the dorm, he was afraid of how they could say goodnight. 

Apparently, Steve didn’t want to leave him so early, so he proposed to walk to the lake, and talk for a while more. Billy pursed his lips and nodded, frankly unable to leave Steve either. 

They sat in a bench near the water, and they stayed there in silence, just listening to their thoughts going at a crazy speed; Steve sighed and reached his hand and brushed it softly; Billy leant in the touch for a fraction of second, but moved away immediately. Steve insisted and got a little near again, staring at his lips.

Billy cowed. 

“Steve, I’m not…”

“I like you,” whispered Steve. “More than I expected, Billy, seriously”.

“I… I’m not… good at it. I’m not… ready”.

“But do you like me?”

Billy suddenly looked him in the eyes, blushing. He didn’t need to put it in words, and Steve smiled a little.

“There is no rush, Billy. Let's figure it out together, ok?”

Billy nodded, shivering a little. Steve smiled sweetly, caressing Billy’s cheek and nape. Billy let him push his head and closed his eyes. 

Steve brushed his lips in a little kiss, but after a second, Billy moved his head. Every fiber of his body wanted to run away, but he forced himself to breath and calm down a little.

Billy leant his head on Steve’s shoulder, and Steve put his arm around him. 

It was the first time in Billy’s life he felt safe and protected.

If Steve had a virtue, it was consistency. Billy was still afraid, but during this summer he couldn’t resist Steve's charms; he was caring, patient and loving, and Billy fell in love with him like he had never felt before. He was worried about Steve’s friends and roommates, but it wasn’t a big deal. They were cool when Billy started to sleep sometimes in Steve’s room; the dorm wasn’t exactly private, and Steve let him leave some of his things in the house. 

“I love you,” said Steve one day, when they were walking by the lake. Billy liked that place, far from the noise of his job and of Steve’s apartment, when they could talk and take each other's hands and stay silent, if they felt like that.

Billy stayed silent, and Steve felt a little disappointed, although he tried to hide it. He took Billy’s hand instead, kissing it. He knew that Billy still had fear of not being enough, and he was determined to make him let his guard down. 

“I love you,” whispered Billy one day, in november, cuddling in Steve’s bed. His voice was so low that Steve thought he was dreaming, but Billy hugged him tight, snuggling in his nape, and Steve knew it was true.

Steve graduated, and the months before his graduation were the happiest in Billy’s life: he felt loved and little by little he lost his fear to love; they had friends and they could look at their future with a little hope. 

The only dark spot, that Billy saw late, was that his studies become more difficult, he felt mentally tired at the end of the academic year, and a little envious of Steve who already graduated and was finally ready to live his real life in the world outside. In a little, hidden corner of his mind, he was also afraid that Steve would want to go away and leave him behind.

He should have felt reassured when Steve accepted a job there in Chicago, in an office near the campus, and asked him to move in together. Billy was happy, obviously, but those intrusive thoughts didn’t go away. 

They were not exactly short of money, but they didn’t have enough to waste; Billy kept his job although he took a bit longer to go there, and he also had to study hard for his graduation; Steve started to keep some double shifts to make more money, so they didn’t see each other often at home. Billy grew frustrated week by week. He knew that Steve had found some jobs in other cities, but he didn’t consider applying.

Billy had a constant headache when Steve came home at night after his double shift. Billy  insisted on waiting for him and trying to study in the meantime; he didn’t have enough sleep because he had to wake up early for work and class, and he was always tired and irritated. Sometimes Steve came near to him in the bed, but four times out of five he pushed him away. 

Steve tried to show him his affection and love anyway, but he wasn’t perfect either, and he felt frustrated; he started to talk less to Billy and search him less in the bed. 

It was an hour and a half that Billy was trying to understand the page he was reading; he looked at the clock, past 1 in the morning and Steve wasn’t still at home. He knew he was working and they had the inventory those days, but he kept feeling unsure. He knew he wasn’t the best company in those weeks.

He heard the keys in the door and a loud sigh while Steve entered and took off the shoes.

“You’re still up?” said Steve sharply, looking at him with a tired look.

“I’m studying,” Billy answered with the same tone. 

“You should have some sleep”.

Billy felt irritated by those words. He was waiting for Steve, after all.

“You could return home earlier,” he answered back without raising his eyes. He felt a familiar tickle in his neck. He felt short fused lately, and it wasn’t the first time they started an argument with the exact words. 

Steve snorted. He too knew that would take them to an argument, but he was tired, he just wanted to sleep and he didn’t want to feel guilty for Billy's tiredness. 

“I have to work, you know,” he snapped, fed up. 

Billy closed his book. “What do you mean? Maybe I don’t have to work? I have to work and study those stupid things!” he stood suddenly, clenching his fists, fighting with the tears. He didn’t want to cry at that moment. 

“I just said you may need more sleep”.

“And I said you can come home earlier”.

“I can’t. We need the money… and you need to rest, baby, your studies…” Steve tried to talk more calmly, to turn off the argument, but Billy was trembling. 

“I can’t, don’t you fucking see that I can’t? I study and study and study and try and I can’t!” He looked angrily at Steve, now he was unable to stop himself. “I’m too stupid, you’re already graduated, why don’t you leave me if it’s so hard living with me?”

“But, Billy…” Steve felt heartbroken. They were so happy when they moved together. He was still so happy when he thought about their life, he was still hoping it was only a bad moment, until Billy’s graduation. He still loved him madly, but he didn’t have all the answers.

“No, I don’t want to talk, why don’t you go to Boston if you’re so miserable here? No,” he snapped again, a hand on the handle. “It’s over!” He yelled, running away. 

Steve stood still for a moment, surprised and clueless. He was drowsy and he only wanted to go to bed, and he wasn’t sure of what had just happened.

“Billy!” He jiggled, running behind him.

Billy hated it, feeling so useless and being a burden for Steve. He knew, since the beginning, that it couldn’t end well. It never ended well; Steve had enough of him, although he always said that he loved him and he was happy even if they had to struggle a little until Billy’s graduation; he was just unable at making Steve happy; at making anyone happy. 

The air was cold and thin, nobody was in the street and he had left in his slippers, he didn’t mind of the tears running on his cheeks, at that point; he raised his head and he saw the lake, and his heart sink, remembering how happy he had been there, and how stupid he was, believing he deserved even a little of it.

“Billy,” Steve was behind him, two dark circles around his eyes, a tense face. “Billy, please, listen to me”.

Billy felt a bitter rage growing inside him. Why didn’t Steve surrender and leave him? Why did he leave that to him? He could barely think, but he was ready for the shot. Steve deserved better.

“No!” He cried again. “Go away, Harrington! Leave me alone!” He took a few steps again to walk away. “You’ll be better without me!”

“Shit, Billy, could you fucking stop!” Steve yelled, and Billy freezed, surprused. “Stop doing this, stop… stop fucking up everything!” 

He was crying too, but he felt better yelling, and Billy got pale and scared.

“Stop saying I have to leave, I don’t want to leave you! If you want to break up with me… have the guts to do it yourself!”

“I… I don’t…” Billy covered his face with his hands. 

Steve sighed, and took Billy’s hand, trying to calm both of them down. “Ok, Billy, it’s ok. It’s alright, come here,” he pulled Billy into his arms, and Billy bursted up crying.

“Come on… Come on, come with me”.

Steve pushed him gently to their favorite bench. 

“Why don’t you tell me that you’re struggling with your studies?” Steve caresses his head sweetly. “I can help you”.

Billy sniffed, shivering. “You don’t… you have too much to work…”

“Billy, do you remember when I tried to kiss you for the first time?” Billy nodded. “Do you remember what we said? We will figure it out together”.

Billy whined. “I don’t want to… stop you… I don’t deserve it”

Steve sighed, lifting Billy’s face to look into his eyes. 

“Billy, stop. I’ll… I’ll never leave you, Billy, I love you… I love you so much…”

“I love you too…”

“You are the best thing that’s ever been mine, Billy”.

[autumnapricot]

max’s scent just sounds so edible and delicious could you tell us your reasons about choosing that and for charles’ scent too!!

that‘s a really cool question actually, thank you! 😊

(i think i even mentioned this before on here but i‘m a perfume lover so i also always love the scent aspect in abo fics lol)

so max’s scent was a little bit inspired by an actual perfume called la belle intense by jean paul gaultier, tbh! which is like this rich, deeply sweet pear scent with vanilla and tonkabean, and it‘s really just so pure sweet and addictive. which is also what max‘s scent is in my imagination! mixed with this earthy late summer field, which, interesting that you said edible too because (maybe this sounds weird lol) but have you ever very specifically really stood in a field in nature and it‘s late summer, end of august, late evening, and the heat of the day is simmering away and just brings out such sweet earthy tones from all around that you can practically taste it because it‘s so thick, in a way? i like to go on walks on such summer evenings around where i live so max‘s scent is like a reminiscence of the time i wore that perfume and went on those walks (actually i chose the scents on these personal experiences, i never even really noticed until now lol)

and for charles‘ scent i really wanted the fresh, salty sea air because he‘s from monaco and i just think it fits him so well. :) for the sweet caramel…i admit…i just ate some sort of salted caramel brûlée kinda dessert one day…and it smelled so good…and i was like perfect, that‘s charles scent. sweet caramel mixed into the saltiness of the ocean. tada!! (and the smokey essence that comes out more when he‘s perhaps agitated or aroused is more of an alpha thing)

that‘s it, actually. sorry for the long answer oopsie🥹🫶🏼

[melodianaartist]

Okay so I watched the wicked movie and here are my thoughts just b/c I expressed some expectations on here before and I want to capture the feelings I have rn

The context for this is that I am a big fan of the musical and have seen it 3 times

Also I did not watch it in the OG English voice so I can only speak on the performances in song and body language really.

The movie really profited from the additional time tbh. Especially in the oz dust scene. In the stageplays I have seen it’s a very short moment, like less than a minute maybe before Glinda joins in and even then it’s kinda played for laughs because she imitates Elphie‘s much dorkier dance moves. This..god. The way it shows how anxious Elphie is/makes us look through her eyes. Her hiding her face in shame. And then the tenderness with which Glinda touches her and wipes away her tears. I got goosebumps.

I will say from what I got from the acting Erevo + Grande‘s performance of the girls is pretty innocent. Elphie feels more helpless for the majority of the movie than the more bitter and sarcastic vibes I got seeing it on stage. Likewise Glinda could have shown more loathing but maybe this comes from the German voices. I don‘t hate it, its just something I noticed, not necessarily negative though.

Speaking of acting. Ariana Grande really surprised me. Is as worried for her but she is really good. My jaw was on the floor at the very last part of popular. The growls! The energy! It’s there! Glinda is there and she is fun, thank god.

I can‘t articulate how and why but the opening sequence is so hype. But there is no heterosexual explanation for those shots of Elphie and Glinda from her memories. The two bathed in sunlight?? Also them looking each other in bed in popular.

The burning Elphie straw thing??? Oh my god???

Her flashback is interesting. Elphie was basically raised by animals, which explains her connection to them even more. Wish we had seen more of Jess’s but the flashback shows so much of the family dynamic.

In regards to Nessa, she remains firmly a side character but there a lot of little things that enrich her. How the Oz staff touches her and infantalizes her without consent. How she notices that Boq is looking at Glunda. How she wants a new start (which sucks for Elphaba but I can‘t fully blame Nessa either for wanting a social life). How she never steps in when Elphie is in trouble but Elphie doesn‘t even seem to expect it. How her father seems so so protective of her which leads to her not noticing Elphies struggle.. it’s good.

The constant hair toss from Glinda is amazing.

I‘m sold on the animals in general but not on dr dillamond. I think there is something to be said about how gorgeous the broadway costume(s) are and how it adds an extra sense of wrongness when dr. Dillamond starts making goat noises when it’s humans in costumes. But I get it, they are supposed to be animals and with movies you can actually have a talking goat. Do love how animals seem to be a part of Oz‘s world though. Their presence is much more felt and so the threat feels real.

I was expecting Dr.Morrible to act nice (at first obviously) but I didn’t expect her to be THAT nice. Like I was genuinely astonished. Also a theme of „malicious“ people touching our main cast without consent seems to be present because she literally had Elphies Face in her hands at some point.

I will never particularly like Boq (the trope of the yearning devoted loser guy pining for a popular girl obviously not into him is just lost on me) but they humanized him a lot by showing his perspective and also how nessa might have started to think how they are similar with not being able to see.

FIYERO. First of all I like that they show him having a friendship with the horse, it establishes him bedient in the side of animals. But also I have never seen a man dance this sluttily. Dancing through life was like a fever dream. I was half expecting him to start stripping.

I slightly dislike that elphaba was eaves dropping on dillamond and listening to something bad instead of beeing told as much. I mean yeah it’s nice to se either animals and the visuals were cool but I think it establishes their connection a bit more…the hoof holding was really cute though.

I vaguely remember a huge ass syringe beeing used on the cub in the stageplay?? They cut that out. Cowards./lh

Look I know it’s mostly CGI but the Emerald city was just so cool. It was just so grand. I grasped my friends hand when Idina and Kristin appeared. It was so good and I believe the prophecy was never mentioned in the musical but it makes sense that it‘s established because yeah huh why did they appear so readily.

I am and have always been a big fan of the oz head/mask especially on stage. This is nice too.

The monkeys gaining wings and the reveal that it was just not Chestiry who got them is one of my favorite moments ever in musical history cause it’s so horrible in the London production. This was kinda meh. Though I guess bonus for showing us why they work for the wizard at all.

Madam Morrible turning so quickly was really cool. Same with the wizard.

Oh yeah the wizard. He is just fun. Nothing outstanding but a good solid pathetic failwife idiot. Malicious puppy energy. I despise him.

Him handing her the figure for his glorified doll house and the doll house in general + it beeing green meaning he accepts her as she is (if she is of use to him) is good also.

The defining gravity sequence. Oh my god. It was insane. The emotions. Her jump. Her nearly falling to her death. Her inner child who was always ostracized becoming her broom with which she can fly?? I cried. The whole sequence was so so good. Her cloak flying in the wind. Madam Morrible immediately using the moment to her advantage. The feeling of freedom? The vocals??? I was feeling. After the movie ended I felt like someone had kicked me in the stomach/pos. I was left reeling. It was so so good.

[wosobronze]

i‘m actually surprised nobody has spotted them yet out in the wild

same tbh, but i guess they actually have never been spotted together from what i can recall in london

there was never anything during christmas or when they went after chelsea 2nd leg (i remember someone saying they saw them on twitter but no pics or anything) im glad tho! it’s good they can have some time away from it all xx

[tys-kitty]

Hi! Sorry for bothering you but when you create the character boards what’s your process? I’m trying to make one but tbh I’ve very confused.

Please don‘t feel sorry, you aren‘t bothering at all! I feel super honored to be asked for advice (it‘s a major confidence boost for me)

So first of all I don‘t think there‘s any right or wrong way to do this so please feel free to make adjustments to your liking. However, here it is my step-by-step guide on how to create a character moodboard:

1. I create a board on Pinterest for the character where I collect all the pictures I think are fitting

2. To get a bit of an idea and inspiration I look up the character with for example „Christina Rosales aesthetic“ (you can guess which aesthetic I‘m currently working on haha)

3. Once I have about 5 to 9 pictures pinned that I think harmonize a bit, I create a draft on Tumblr to assemble the pics for the first time

4. Now this is the tricky bit: Coordinating the pics, changing the color of the pictures for them to harmonize (which is not always necessary!) and making changes (often pics that look good on Pinterest don‘t look with the rest of the bunch)

5. Final touches: My tip here is to let the aesthetic „rest“ for a bit and check it on the next day (sometimes there are still some things that need adjusting which you didn‘t see the day before)

6. Post it!

7. Cry about the nice comments

So yeah that‘s pretty much it! It‘s always important to take your time with moodboards. There are ones that I‘ve finished in a day and others that needed a whole month. If you have any question left, feel free to ask!

I hope this helps! Love ya! <33

Michi

[wachtelspinat]

Hey Wachtel! Please take your time to respond to this and also maybe don't respond to this at all but if it's not too personal or something you would like to not think about at all, can I ask what discipline you decided to go for? People are right to admire you for your art skills but personally you were also always a huge inspiration to me when it comes to studying medicine (especially at an older age) and deciding to forego the artist professional career path. Did you choose surgery after all?

hey! no worries, this is not too personal, also my brief episode of extreme denial after my last exam has passed and i have to get in shape again anyways since i‘m starting as a resident in radiology at the beginning of april 🕺 which was my goal tbh for a long time, at least ever since i took an internship in the field a few years ago. this or nuclear medicine. because not only have these two disciplines a better (not a good, but better) work-life-balance than a lot of others in the medical field, the prospect of getting out of the hospital at one point in the future and working in the ambulant sector (i don‘t think this is a wildly known concept outside of germany and a few other countries, but basically medical care that‘s not provided in hospitals) is more likely achievable than in, for example, surgery. PLUS… i really love working in fields that use medical imaging. and radiation. i‘m massively fascinated by radiation and its effects.

so yeah… i know i once stated that i considered choosing surgery once i became a doctor but my experience as a surgical nurse and on top of that my time there in my elective showed me that this is just something that‘s not going to happen. and i‘m glad i realized that at some point, but on the other hand it wasn‘t that hard of an insight. i‘m done with cutting people open in my life.

thanks for your words and your interest in this, i know it‘s becoming more uncommon with the years to study medicine when you‘re not fresh out of school, esp. in germany with the new entry requirements they implemented a few years ago. i have to be honest, i would not choose to study medicine again if i had the choice now. but i made it, i got through it, and i know the first months will be hard, but i‘m actually really looking forward to working in radiology (and moving, and a bit of change in life)

that‘s it! hope you have a nice day

[myownwholewildworld]

i promise you that what has happened, if anything, will make their bond stronger. i think they’ve suffered enough throughout this story so they deserve to have each other

This is all I care about tbh 😭😭 I’m so so sooo glad about this because the thought of them being distant with each other after all this was absolutely heartbreaking! I’m so happy that it will just make their bond stronger, thank you! 💕

I‘m so curious to see what will happen next and where they end up if Jackson doesn’t happen! Can’t wait to read more (:

And tbh yeah, I’m not gonna accept any excuse Tommy makes. Like he’s done for. any "I didn’t mean to“ or whatever he comes up with is bullshit. He’s a grown ass man making his own decisions and he decided to tell the others and he’s responsible for the consequences. I honestly can’t wait to see Joel and Tommy meet again bc damn, Joel is probably gonna destroy him lmao

Loving this story! Thank you for updating and sending so much love 💕

there’s only one way this story ends and that is with a happy ending! could try and leave you guys hanging but my heart can’t just take it anymore haha

i completely agree with you, i don’t think there’s a good reason for what Tommy has done, even if he didn’t mean for this to happen. the reality is that, because of him and his misplaced trust, Joel has lost another child, this time because of his own brother. and not only that, but Tommy was also good friends with reader, and she has had to deal with the aftermath of a miscarriage due to Tommy’s selfish attitude. don’t want to spoil too much, but forgiving something like that… oooof, it’s really, really hard! we’ll find out how they both deal with him… and just because you’re being real nice, i will tell you that we will see that in the epilogue 👀 a bit of a wait, but hopefully worth it! chapters 14 and 15 are already packed with other stuff hehe

awww my heart implodes when lovely people like you enjoy what i write! as much as i write for myself, i also write for you guys! much love back at you, i’d give you a forehead kiss if i could nonnie! 💖

[alwida10]

Apologies if you've already answered it. I've been reading your metas today and linked posts and ngl I really love them and I feel like we're in full agreement with everything.

With season 2 of Loki merely 6 weeks away (idk, are you going to watch it? I think I will, regardless of my current feelings about it) what are your thoughts about the upcoming season? What do you expect we'll get in it? Do you have any hopes for it, or do you think it will be more of the same. The current promo does not give me a good feeling tbh. Also do you think Hiddleston could leave the mcu at the end of season 2? Or at least if this could be the last time we see TVA Loki. Sorry for lenghty ask 🙈 my season 2 anxiety is off the charts, I expect it will be more of the same with Sylvie leading the story and Loki following her and I'd love to hear your thoughts about s2

Awww, thank you!!! Season 1 was something I felt so deeply for! All my hopes and dreams were focused on it. And then it shattered me in a way I didn’t know was possible. Now, I see that it took me a full year to cope and decode what I was feeling. The metas I wrote during this time (including the survey) are more like an open diary of how I processed the show and stabilized my mental health. It means a lot to me that now those thoughts may help others, too. 💚

I’ll put the answers under a cut, because there are some triggers included.

what are your thoughts about the upcoming season? What do you expect we'll get in it?

Frankly, I expect the season to focus mainly on Sylvie and her character development. If I put my criticisms aside and try to see what the creators wanted to do with the series, it looks to me like their only goal for Larry was to morph him from a villain to a hero in a way that would be undeniable for the general audience. This was achieved by him watching the video and finally finding someone he cares for. So his arc was completed in season 1. His role now is probably to serve as a guide for her, and maybe to discover that his true power is only achievable through or with her. I don’t count this as “his” arc especially, but more the core of the general admiration Sylvie is supposed to get from everyone in-universe. It’s a part of being a Mary sue. As is excelling at everything, even stuff that is opposite to your characteristics and you have no former knowledge on that would make it seem believable you’d excel. Like this, you know?

I‘m quite certain of this because Eric Martin is a huge fan of Sylvie and the ship. If you want to confirm I suggest looking at his Twitter. His tweets imply he intends to stay true to Waldron‘s and Harron‘s original ideas. This was confirmed by some people working on the set of season 2. I made the effort to find the original post, and it turned out that two people contributed to the post I experienced as thoughtful and reliable on Reddit. I personally believe those leaks.

Do you have any hopes for it, or do you think it will be more of the same. The current promo does not give me a good feeling tbh.

I think it will be more of the same. Sorry, I wish I could tell you something more to your taste. I absolutely share this feeling, and so do others.

Also do you think Hiddleston could leave the mcu at the end of season 2?

This article claims that Tom was supposed to leave the MCU at the end of season 1. Allegedly, season 1 was supposed to have 12 episodes and only was cut short because of Corona. This would mean that the original end of season 1 would be now the end of season 2. Does this mean he will leave? I can’t say. Disney‘s stock is progressively decreasing. Social media opinions on the MCU seem to grow more and more negative and depreciating. Perhaps Iger and Feige feel like Tom is one of the last strong pillars and try to keep him. At this point, I wouldn’t put it past them to try to keep the MCU afloat with Tom’s personal fandom. I don’t think that will work since Google stats show that his popularity decreased after season 1 to a point where it is now below the level it was after endgame. But they might attempt it.

Or at least if this could be the last time we see TVA Loki.

Even if he leaves I assume cameos are always a possibility, especially now that the studios are utilizing AI. But Loki? I‘m heartbroken, but I am very sure we have seen the last of him in TDW (and Ao3). May his reign bring him all the joy he deserves.

So last but not least:

idk, are you going to watch it?

I honestly don’t know. I certainly won’t pay for it. The last time I always watched the episodes was the day they came out so I could write my thoughts down here. But ngl, I’m tired of the fighting, the anon hate, and the feeling that opinions online are getting more important than the love for Loki. Right now, I’m trying to focus more on my fanfics than on the canon. Season 1 made me unable to continue my fics for almost a year. I don’t want to repeat that with season 2.

I still think that the show has done great harm to the fandom, to (some) people with poor mental health who needed Loki as a focus point, (some) gender-fluid or non-binary people who got exposed to sexism because of it, and possibly Tom‘s reputation (based on the google trends Infos). But for season 2 we know what to expect. We know it’s not Loki but Larry who will appear. And in this case, I think it might be best to leave the season to those it was made for, so they can enjoy it and keep as far away from it as possible.

If you want to watch it and still want to give Disney some negative feedback, I recommend watching every episode more than 7 days after it aired. Afaik Disney only counts views in the first week as real interest. Alternatively, 🏴‍☠️.