#i wrote this instead of learning for my exams

[soraya-snape]

Why do people keep saying Snape should be over Lily by now?

I really don't get it. Especially when I think about myself. I lost two of my grandparents when I was 8/10 and even though I'm already in my 20s I'm still not over this loss and I don't think I will ever. Their deaths also does impact my life in some ways like (trying not to get too personal, but) it has negatively impacted my relationship with death, I can't talk about them because I don't know how to handle this grieve... There are nights when I just start crying because I miss them so much, even now writing this already makes me tear up.

Some people might now say “This is different, they were your family, and you were only a child.” but even though I would agree to some extent it's probably not in the way they mean it.

Let me explain with one of my two examples: My grandpa (who died when I was 10) and I were pretty close. From what I remember and have been told he was wonderful with us kids or like my mother once put it: when we were at my “other grandfathers” house we still usually hung around our parents but when we were at my grandpas house we literally forgot that our parents existed. Even though I don't have many memories of him left, I simply remember feeling happy when he was around.

But still, I think this relationship was less important to me than Sev's relationship to Lily was to him. You have to remember that he came from an abusive and neglectful home and probably didn't have any (real) friends before meeting Lily and also later in life. I on the other hand had a pretty loving family, and even the not so good relationships (like with my other grandfather) were still better than Sev's relationship with his father and probably mother too.

So of course it's different.

On the one side you have me, whose relationship with her grandfather is one of many loving ones (yes, it might be the strongest, but that doesn't really change anything).

On the other side you have this boy who has never really received/felt love before, and now he meets this girl, and she makes him feel love(d). I'm not going to argue about what kind of love either of them felt for the other, but I'm pretty sure Sev never gave or got more love to/from anyone ever.

And while loosing my grandparents at such a young age was definitely bad, I could imagine that losing them later in life would be just as bad, maybe even worse. Because having more time with them would obviously be amazing, but at the same time could also make loosing them even worse. So the age difference between me and Sev really doesn't make that much of a difference also considering Snily had a similar amount of time together before their “breakup”.

And this leads me to another difference between Sev and me. Two, actually.

First his friendship with Lilx ended and really not on good terms. Even though I think both are partly at fault here it was Sev calling her a mudblood that ultimately ended it. And he tried to apologize, but Lily didn't accept it. And no matter how you feel about her decision, I think if she had accepted, even if they still hadn't become (good) friends again, it would have made it easier for Sev. I think it would give him some peace of mind and the feeling of her still loving him to some extent.

While the last year of my grandpa's life was let's say complicated, and I didn't meet him as often as usual (a bit similar to Snily) I wouldn't say our relationship was strained especially when you compare it to Snily (I don't want to go into more detail and I also don't remember much of this time).

And the other difference is that Sev is at least partly at fault for Lily's death. Which obviously makes it harder for him to move on, even more so after they ended on a bad note.

I wasn't at fault for my grandpas death and also couldn't have saved him (funny thing is now I have knowledge that maybe could). Yes, the complicated situation of his last year might make his loss a bit harder, but not much.

To conclude, I totally do not understand why people don't understand why Sev can't get over Lily (and her death). Not only was she the only light in his life, the only thing that was ever good about his life, but it was also his fault that first he lost her and later she died.

[mariusroyale]

i had a distressing dream that i had an exam and i came in late and brought the wrong equipment and woke up almost crying

[jromanoff]

Study Break II R. George

Pairing: student!Regina George (2024) x law student!Reader

Warning(s): Reader not eating enough

Authors note: I’m in the middle of uni exams this week so I wrote a little something to indulge myself :)

Summary: College!AU - Regina is worried about your study habits and decides to intervene.

Word count: 1.6k

Regina leaned against the door frame, watching you hunched over your textbooks, completely engrossed in your studies. The thick civil code books were laying open on the side, several coloured tabs sticking out to keep track of the laws you needed to use for your upcoming exams. Regina thought it almost looked like a rainbow at this point. That was the only pretty thing about the stuff on your desk though, it looked like a bomb exploded with the mess you’ve made.

"Babe, can you take a break? I miss spending time with you," Regina pouted, hoping to draw your attention away from the books in front of you. Her pout usually did the trick. She wanted to have some quality time with you since you haven’t been spending time with her these past few days, too engrossed with your studies. You even stopped having dinner with her.

You glanced up briefly, your brow furrowed in concentration. "Sorry Gina, I really need to focus. These exams are important."

Regina sighed dramatically, crossing her arms as she walked closer to you. Did you just really resist her pout? "You've been studying nonstop for days. Don't you think you're overdoing it a bit?"

You paused, looking at Regina with concern. "I know, but I need to do well in this. It's important for my future. I don’t want to be a failure."

Regina softened, her concern for you overriding her desire for attention. Regina almost laughed at this realisation, her High School-self could never. "I understand, but I'm worried about you. You need to take care of yourself too."

You reached out to take Regina's hand, caressing it. "I appreciate your concern, babe. But I really need to study now, I’m fine.” you said with a reassuring smile, concentrating back on your books.

Regina frowned and decided she needed to change her approach, this was clearly not working. So instead of complaining or outing her concerns, Regina tried to engage in a conversation with you.

“What are you studying, anyways?” Regina curiously inquired as she saw her girlfriend so intensely focused.

She never asked you about the content of your studies before, because she probably wouldn’t understand it. She, on the other hand, always excitedly rambled to you about whatever she learned that day. From fashion designers to fashion history, Regina shared it all. You didn’t mind it, though. Seeing your girlfriend so excited about her studies made you happy too and extra knowledge never hurt anyone. It was a nice contrast to your law studies.

“Legal philosophy” you replied curtly.

“Sounds boring” Regina remarked. Her efforts were met with a dismissive attitude from you, causing Regina to frown in disappointment. But Regina wouldn’t let this deter her from trying again.

“What are you reading about now, then?” Regina asked once again, looking over your shoulder at the book you were currently reading.

“The Case of the Speluncean Explorers” you responded, perplexed by Regina’s sudden interest in your ‘boring’ law studies. Especially after she just complained about not getting any attention from you.

“The what explorers?”

“The Speluncean Explorers,” you explained, slightly exasperated. “It’s a fictional judgement where five judges with different opinions shed their light on a fictional case. Five explorers got stuck in a cave and eventually ran out of food so… they agreed to eat one person so the other four could survive. They decided who it should be by throwing a dice and when the remaining four explorers were rescued they got a murder charge. I really need to study now if you don’t mind.” You hoped this elaborate answer would satisfy Regina’s curiosity so you could refocus on your studies.

When Regina kept silent after your explanation you thought you managed to fend off your girlfriend for the time being. Wrong.

Regina felt increasingly ignored by your continued focus on studying and your dismissive attitude towards her. So she decided to retort to an old tactic – a kiss to divert your attention. Despite being in college now and attempting to leave her manipulative ways behind, Regina deemed this situation an emergency. You would definitely cave in after a kiss.

Regina put her fingers under your chin, turning your face towards her. Then, she leaned in and pressed her lips softly to yours.

That sudden display of affection caught you off guard, but as Regina deepened the kiss your resistance immediately faded away. The tension in your shoulders eased as you gave into your girlfriend. Regina gently took the book you were holding from you.

“Regina, no. I need to study” you pulled away and protested, but Regina just kissed you again.

“What was that for, anyway?” you questioned her as you finally broke apart.

“So you’d be focused on something else than your studies. I deserve some attention too, you know? Not only your stupid books” Regina smirked.

You narrowed your eyes at her “I know what you’re trying to do” you told her and turned back to your desk. As you attempted to pick up your books once more, Regina shot you an ice cold glare. "If you don't put that book down right now... I swear to god you'll regret it," she warned, her tone leaving no room for argument. Regina rarely used that glare on you, but when she did? She was serious about it. Her glare and tone of voice caused you to immediately put your book back down, holding your hands up in surrender.

"That's what I thought," Regina asserted, a smirk playing on her lips. "Now, you’re cleaning up this mess of books and notebooks on this desk first," she declared, taking charge of the situation and asserting her authority over the chaotic study environment you created over the last week. How you could even study in this mess was a mystery to Regina.

Reluctantly, you set aside your textbooks and notes as Regina took charge of making dinner in the meantime, bustling about the kitchen.

The aroma of home-cooked food soon filled the air, causing a low rumble to come from your stomach. You quickly finished cleaning up your stuff and walked to the kitchen where Regina stood behind the stove.

“That smells delicious” you told your girlfriend as you embraced her from behind, resting your chin on her shoulder.

“It does, huh? Can you set the table for me, please?” Regina requested.

“Of course” you replied, giving Regina a kiss on the cheek before removing yourself from her. You set the table for dinner and sat down, waiting for Regina and the food.

As Regina set the steaming hot plates of food on the table, you immediately started eating before Regina herself had even the chance to get seated.

Regina observed you quickly shoving down the food she made with concern. It's a confirmation of her suspicions – you hadn’t been eating well all week, too consumed by your studies to the point you forgot to eat. With a pointed look, Regina breaks the silence. “I'm definitely keeping a closer eye on you when the next exam period comes up. You're not taking care of yourself properly. You’re never skipping dinner with me again in an exam period," Regina said, her gaze unwavering.

You frowned at her and attempted to deflect her concern. “You really don't need to, that's asking too much of you." you insisted

But Regina's resolve remains unyielding. "I don't care what you think. I'm keeping an eye on you. And that's final," she declares, her words leaving no room for argument. With a sigh you accept defeat, knowing that Regina can’t be swayed once she has her mind set on something.

That’s one thing that hasn’t changed since high school: Regina always gets what she wants.

After dinner, you cleared the table and did the dishes together. Then, Regina insisted on cuddling with you.

Entering your room, you see Regina is already situated on the bed. She already removed her makeup and changed into something more comfortable.

"Come here, you," Regina said, opening her arms wide with a playful smile. "I need some cuddles."

You hesitated for a moment before relenting, changing into comfier clothes and joining your girlfriend in bed. As your head hit the silk pillow (that Regina bought for you, because according to her it’s better for your hair) you sighed in content. "I guess I could use some cuddles too," you admitted softly, smiling back at your girlfriend.

Regina pulled you close, wrapping you in a warm embrace. “Now, I know you’re tired so I’ll let you go to sleep in a bit, but you do need to promise me to give me attention tomorrow.” she said, softly stroking your hair.

“I promise, my love” you murmur, pressing a gentle kiss to Regina’s forehead.

Eventually exhaustion takes hold of you both, and you drift off to sleep, wrapped in each other's embrace.

The next day you would spend no time on your studies, but only on Regina. You were determined to make it up to her. You even took her out on a spontaneous date to one of the high end restaurants she loved to make up for the lack of attention you gave her the past week. Afterwards the two of you went shopping and then cuddled for the remainder of the evening.

And your exams? Passed with flying colours.

[leclerced]

Heyyy hope you have a good day, i come bearing new thots

Credit where credit’s due, the idea is an old and deleted roger Taylor fic and not from me.

HOWEVER. Im now obsessed with this scenario with either lando or oscar (ill let you choose <3)

Roommate!AU !!!

Imagine you’re friends and roommates with lando or oscar and he has to study for his upcoming biology exam at uni. The topic? Female reproductive organs🤭

He just genuinely struggles with understanding the anatomy of a vagina and that picture in his damn book is absolutely not recognisable.

And since him and reader are friends and she doesn’t think thoughts all the way through she offers him to look at hers. I mean hes seen her shirtless a million times its nbd.

And staring at her beautiful pussy really does help him - to an extend. Hes so into his studies he doesn’t really process that he asked her „can i touch it??“ and she just goes along with it bc it’s already lowkey awkward and theres no turning back now.

She tries to not make it more awkward by suppressing her moans when his finger brush over her clit all while hes just identifying parts with his thoughts oblivious to what he does to her.

And she cant keep in the moan when he pushes his fingern in and suddenly he realises what hes doing. But he sneakily keeps going until she cums and hes trying his best to keep up the ignorant act bc shes js too hot like that😩

Got damn it i need a full length version of this fic again 😭

-🫀

i want to write a full length version omfg this is incredible!!! pictured oscar immediately. kinda set in like the early 2000s in my head bc i wanted to mention dvd rentals One Time and that's not a thing anymore but that's the world i grew up in LMAO

sorry i like got too into this at first and forgot i made plans to game with my friend and rushed the ending im sorry. added read more bc it's just over 1k <3 i think i like this a lot other than the ending idk . lmk what u think i hope it meets the expectations set by the original

reader thinks oscar's an innocent idiot but he just probably shouldn't be in medical school because while he can find the clit, he certainly doesn't know the name of it.

Her roommate has been staring at the same page for half an hour, they're seated on opposite ends of the couch, leaning against the arms and facing each other. She has a Stephen King novel leaned on her propped up knees and Oscar has an open textbook balanced on one thigh and a notebook open to a blank page on the other. After another frustrated sigh leaves him, she drops her book on the coffee table and leans over to see what he's looking at. She almost laughs when she sees the miniature sketch of a vagina, "You know, the DVD rental place down the street has rated X movies."

Oscar snorts, "I'm trying to work, leave me alone. I'm supposed to learn all the anatomical names of a vagina, but the only drawing I have is in this stupid book."

She leans in further to the diagram and hums, "That's a horrible diagram, no wonder you're getting nothing done. How old is that that textbook?" He shrugs and stretches back over the arm of the couch, "Probably like thirty, the professor wrote it himself and he's ancient."

Her eyes get pulled to his hips as he reaches behind his head and groans, his shirt lifting the slightest to reveal soft skin before he drops his arms back down. She licks her lips as she directs her gaze up to his face, "I could show you mine, if you want." The swift inhale Oscar makes is audible, he keeps his gaze locked on the books in his lap as he says, "Really?" Instead of verbally agreeing, she just scoots back to where she was leaning moments before on the arm of the couch and shimmies her shorts down before she can think twice. She giggles at the look on Oscar's face as she kicks the shorts off her ankles and he takes in the sight of her panties, lacy and red. "Are you sure?"

She shrugs and teases, "Well it's not like they have 3D models. I'm sure, I wouldn't have offered otherwise. Are you sure?" He nods slowly and she tugs her panties down her thighs and smirks at the blush that creeps up his cheeks as she drops them on his lap. She doesn't know where the sudden confidence has come from, but she feels no shame as she opens her legs to him. She drops one foot to the floor and the other lifts to rest on the back of the couch. Oscar holds her eye for a moment before she watches his gaze drift down her body and he starts to lean in before pausing, "Can I get closer?" She nods at his question and answers, "As close as you want." Oscar lurches forwards, knocking the forgotten textbook to the floor as he fumbles to grab his pen and notebook to take notes.

She can't read his chicken scratch handwriting, so whatever he's scrawling about her pussy is undecipherable to her as she watches him analyze her. She's trying not to think about how this could be weird, how it is weird to offer to let your roommate use you as an anatomy dummy. It's not really the first time. He's done other things, like when he needed to practice IVs so she let him give her a banana bag the next time she was hungover. She liked teasing him about it, calling him Doctor Piastri when she let him listen to her heart with his stethoscope. Or when she comes down with a cold and she calls him into her room to diagnose and treat her, and he brings her cold medicine and soup from the deli down the street.

She's pulled out of her thoughts when he clears his throat and she meets his eyes before she hums quizzically. The pink tint that had spattered his cheeks turns into a bright red as he asks, "Can I touch you?"

She almost thinks she didn't hear him correctly, but there's no way he could have said anything else, so she tries to joke, "So you're a hands on learner, then?"

Oscar quickly counters, "Yeah, do you mind?"

It's her turn to lose her breath as she stupidly nods and blushes as she takes in the realization that he's about to touch her pussy. In the name of science, she agrees, "No, go ahead." Then, his hand is on her pussy and his focus is entirely on the space between her legs as he spreads her lips apart and she has to close her eyes and force her mind to other places as he tilts his had interestedly. She wishes she could stop her body from reacting to his touch, but she can't. Not when he pulls back the hood of her clit, she hears him writing something, then there's a soft pressure on her clit and she has to bite the inside of her cheek to not react. She tells herself not to make any sounds so it won't be weird, he's just trying to study, he's not doing anything to her really.

She can feel the wetness build under his fingers as he slips them down to her entrance and back up. She hears Oscar mutter something but she can't make it out over the blood rushing through her head as he presses his fingers back against her clit. "Is this... The labia?" The laugh she lets out is half a moan, "That's the- clit. Labia are the lips." He dips his fingers down and pinches one lightly, "This?"

She's somehow endeared by the curiosity, and sighs, "Yeah. That. Minora. The outer one is majora."

Oscar lets out a little huff, "How do you know the names? You're not even taking anatomy." His fingers find her clit again, this time lightly pinching it, and her thighs tense as he mumbles, "Clit." She hears his pen scratching across his paper and then dips his finger down to her entrance and presses inside. She wonders what he's thinking as he slowly thrusts his finger in and out of her, his other hand still writing on the paper. It's not until he slips a second finger inside of her and curls them as he suddenly presses his thumb to her clit that she breaks her silence, a whimper falling from her lips as the unexpected pleasure hits her. She somehow doesn't realize then that this isn't his first time like she thought when she saw the surprised look on her face. Then she flutters her eyes open and immediately realizes it because he's already looking up at her, a cocky smirk playing on his lips. She gasps, "You- you didn't really need help, did you?"

He shrugs innocently, "I still don't know the names, could you remind me?" She can't tell if he's being serious or not as he quickens his thumb on her clit and she's saved from responding as he pushes up her body and presses his lips to hers hungrily.

[freyaphoria]

HIIIIII I'm too shy to say this, I really like and so into yandere ateez (especially yunho and seonghwa asjxbvg) and thank god I found your account and I really like your works thank you so much❤️❤️❤️

can you do yandere psychotic best friend yunho who is jealous of y/n 's boyfriend bcs she didn't tell yunho for dating, it will be great if yunho keeps her in his "special" place🥹 love youuuuu

Hello! First of all, I liked your idea very much, but I think I couldn't write it. It seriously didn't sit well with me at all. I wrote some parts of the story and it had been in drafts for a long time, but I felt like I was lost in the story and couldn't get it together. This is the first time I've experienced something like this. I am very sorry. Still, I want to share it with you. I hope you won't get bored while reading. AND srry for my English♡ AND THANK YOU FOR 300 FOLLOWERS♡

Best Friends Forever

tw: yandere best friend Yunho, boyfriend Seonghwa, blood, violence, manipulation, yunho is annoying, knife, death, corpse, idk it's yandere fic expect everything

wc: 4113- WAIT WHAT???

taglist: @aim-blossom

(I wrote kinda after story but please read the main fic first)

You and Yunho had been best friends for about 12 years. You met in primary school and have been inseparable ever since. Yunho had been very protective of you since those times. He didn't want you to have another friend, he would pout when you were talking to your classmates and try to attract your attention. You would have found it cute at the time; Yunho's high school entrance exam score is higher than yours and he enrolled in the high school you went to instead of going to a better school didn't bother you either. After all, you were happy with Yunho.

But things started to go wrong when someone asked you out. Since you and Yunho were like conjoined twins and the only point where you separated was when you went to the bathroom, that boy ask you at the bathroom door. He was someone you were interested in, and you were very excited and happy when he asked you out. Neither of you have ever had a lover before. Yunho always said there was no need for a lover when we had each other. Since you were asked out for the first time in your life, you didn't know what to do and you told that boy to give you time to think.

When you went to Yunho, you saw that his face was sullen and his mood was low. When you asked what happened, he didn't give you an answer and said he was sleepy. Whenever Yunho got angry, he used the excuse that he was sleepy and wanted to be alone. So you didn't ask him any more questions and focused on your own work.

You didn't tell Yunho that someone had asked you out because you were embarrassed. Time passed, you decided to accept, but you couldn't find that boy at school. When you asked his friends where he was, you learned that he was missing. It seemed odd that he was missing because he was a popular kid and there was no reason for him to disappear, they suspected something had happened to him. Again, of course, you didn't suspect something.

Something bad happened once that you will never forget. While you were walking outside with Yunho, a middle-aged man tapped you on the shoulder and gently pulled you back to ask something. But the moment his hand touched your shoulder, Yunho grabbed the man's collar, pinned him to the tree behind, and started hitting him hard in the face. It happened so fast that before you knew it, the man was lying on the ground covered in blood. When you grabbed Yunho's arm and tried to stop him, you saw how scary his eyes were. It was your first time seeing this side of Yunho.

When it was time for you to enroll in college, Yunho was trying to convince you to go to the same university. Because your families loved you both very much, they allowed you to enroll in a university outside the city.

You rented a tiny house, it was a cute dorm with two rooms, a living room and a kitchen. Everything was going very well. Until Yunho starts meddling in your everything.

When you went out with your girlfriends, you had to send Yunho your location and tell him who you were meeting with. If he found out that you were lying, he would be in an unhappy mood at home all day long and give you silent treatment.

"Girls wait, I have to inform Yunho that we are going to the party. Maybe he won't allow it. " One of the girls let out a sighed. "What is he to you? Your boyfriend? Your father? Why are you asking him for permission?" You texted Yunho and rolled your eyes at your friend. "He thinks what's best for me. The last time I didn't listen to him and went to Hongjoong's party, his friend was pulling me into his bedroom." You looked at Yunho's message notification.. He always saw it as soon as you texted him. Another friend of yours mumbled. "He was incredibly hot. I'd like to be in your place." After rolling your eyes at that friend too, you read the message.

Yuyu: Where do you think you're going?

Yuyu girls insisted, I will

show up for a while and then

leave.

Yuyu: No, you can't go. You don't know who is there. Why don't you go to a cafe?

"He definitely didn't give permission, did he?" You huffed, looking at your phone and shaking your head. "No he didn't." As you were leaving your friends and getting ready to return home, your friend stopped you. "Enough is enough, I'm so tired of this situation. We'll get there and Yunho won't be able to stop you." Before you could say anything, your friends grabbed your arm and started dragging you. "Wait! Let me at least reply to his message!"

Okay, we're going to the

cafe next to the subway.

Yuyu: Send me your location when you arrive.

Wooyoung, your distant friend from the same department, used to throw the best parties you've ever seen. You had attended with Yunho a few times and had a lot of fun. When you entered the door, you were greeted by Wooyoung's best friend San. "You? Where is Yunho? Am I dreaming or what? Or did you finally manage to walk around separately?" He mockingly put his hand to his heart and pretended to have a heart attack. "San, don't exaggerate, we could hang out separately sometimes." San smiled at you and gestured for you to go inside. Your friends ran inside and got lost in the crowd. "Sometimes. It would be more accurate to say rarely." He took two drinks from the table and handed one to you. "He's so on your side that we didn't get to meet properly last time.” He took a sip of his drink and extended his hand to you. "I'm San." You shook his hand and laughed. "Oh really? I didn't know." When San opened his mouth to say something, the guy who studied in the same department as Yunho came behind San and put his arm around his shoulder. "We're out of drinks, can you get new ones from the garage?" San finished the drink in his hand and nodded his head. "Can you keep an eye on her until I get back? She's trying to socialize without her owner for the first time." As San ran away, you shouted after him to shut up.

“Uhm, what did he mean?” You were so embarrassed that you couldn't make eye contact. "It's nothing important, he's just kidding." You laughed nervously. "I'm Seonghwa, by the way. I'm in the same department as your friend." You finally lifted your head and looked at Seonghwa's face. You seemed mesmerized. His facial features were so beautiful that for a moment you wanted to touch his face to check whether he was real or not.

"I know, I've seen you before." You introduced yourself and shook hands. At that moment, your phone vibrated. There were 8 messages and 2 missed calls from Yunho. "Oh I'm sorry. I need to call my friend. Is there a quiet place here?" Seonghwa thought for a moment and answered. "Wooyoung's room. He doesn't let anyone in at parties. You can talk there. I'll let you in." You went upstairs and entered the room and Seonghwa closed the door and left you alone. You called him directly without looking at the messages.

"Where are you!?" His voice sounded urgent and angry. "Don't worry, I'm fine." "I didn't say how are you. I said, where are you?" His tone of voice had changed. "The girls insisted so much. I couldn't say no." Yunho sighed on the other end of the phone. "That's why I tell you not to be friends with others. They always lead you into bad things!" You wondered if he might be right, but you weren't doing anything bad. You were just at your friend's party. "I'm going home Yunho." When you hung up the phone, tears filled your eyes. You were tired of him meddling in your everything. You also wanted to attend parties and hang out like your other firends.

When you suddenly opened the door to the room, Seonghwa, who was leaning against the wall next to the door, jumped. "Oh you scared me- Wait are you crying?" You tried to wipe away the tears that filled your eyes with your hands. "I'm fine. I have to go." Your voice cracked and tears began to flow from your eyes. "You can't go anywhere like this. Calm down first. If you want, you can tell me what happened, I'll listen to you." You looked at Seonghwa. He said it very sincerely. You simply told him what happened about your toxic friendship with Yunho, and Seonghwa listened intently without taking his eyes off you. "You must be so overwhelmed. Come on, let me hug you." He had no other intentions while hugging. He hugged you very shyly. He just wanted to comfort you. For the first time in your life, a man other than Yunho and who wasn't from your family was hugging you.

Once you calmed down a bit, you broke the hug to go back home. Seonghwa offered to take you home but you refused. You didn't want to provoke Yunho any further. Seonghwa wasn't comfortable with the fact that you were going home alone. So he asked you to text him as soon as you got home and you got each other's numbers.

When you got home, not much happened. Yunho was also upset with you and didn't talk. To win his heart, you offered to play Valorant together even though you didn't like it at all, and Yunho immediately ran to his computer.

This is how you started talking to Seonghwa. Just as you met very quickly, you also became lovers very quickly. Usually, since your classes with Yunho were at different times, Seonghwa would skip class and come to meet you while Yunho was in class. You used to text each other when you were at home. You were afraid to talk on the phone because if Yunho heard, he would definitely question who you were talking to. You talked like this for 2 months and Seonghwa said he wanted to date you. You truly loved him with all your heart and you were sure that he loved you too. That's why you accepted and became lovers.

You decided to hide it from Yunho for a while. Seonghwa was also not happy with Yunho's restrictive actions, but he respected you because he knew Yunho's value in you and didn't say anything.

Yunho, of course, understood that something was going on. You were spending more time on your phone, you were getting ready every morning with more enthusiasm for college, you were taking more care of yourself, and you were laughing much more than before. But he waited because he wanted you to come and tell him yourself.

Yunho could tell from the decrease in your grades and the increase in the number of classes you failed that you were not attending classes. One day, he decided not to attend class and follow you. When he saw you and Seonghwa hugging and you kissing him lightly on the lips, he almost jumped on Seonghwa right there and beat him until he broke all his bones. But of course he wasn't going to do that in front of you again, so he waited for you to come back to class.

When you returned to class half an hour later, Yunho approached Seonghwa. "Hello Seonghwa, I have a problem with my car. Can you help me?" He was trying to stay as calm as possible so that his plan would work. "Hi Yunho. Uh, I don't know much about cars, but..." Yunho roughly wrapped his arm around his shoulder and started dragging him towards the college parking lot. "It's simple, don't worry."

He opened his car door and pushed Seonghwa into the backseat. "Can you see there's a problem there?" He said, looking behind as if he was looking for something. "What? I can't see anything." Yunho opened the front door, took the crowbar in his hand and got out of the car. He approached the back door and looked at Soenghwa. "The problem is that you're touching the girl who is my everything." Just as he was about to lift the crowbar and hit him, Seonghwa slid sideways in the backseat and tried to open the other door. He tried with all his might but couldn't open it because Yunho had locked it; so he started kicking the door. But Yunho reached towards him and hit him in the neck with the crowbar and Seonghwa fainted.

You called Seonghwa about 5 times but he is not answering. Thinking that his phone was out of battery, you went to the classroom where he had a lesson, but you couldn't find him. Just as you were about to turn around and go look elsewhere, you collided with someone.

"Tiny, were you looking for me?" Yunho grabbed your forearms and hugged you. "Oh, um yeah. What are you doing?" You lowered your face so he couldn't tell the look of tension on your face. "I was looking for you too. My lesson is over, I will go home. I thought I'd take you too." You were still looking at Seonghwa with nervous eyes as Yunho wrapped his arm around your waist and pulled you away from the classroom. "There's no need, Yuyu, I have some work to do, I'll come home later." Yunho knew you were looking for Seonghwa; After all, he had his phone in his hand and had seen your missed calls and messages. "But we have a very special guest at home waiting for you. Let's not keep him waiting, shall we?" Your eyebrows suddenly frowned. Him? Who is he? "Who-" He interrupted you by pulling you a little faster. "You'll see when we get home."

When you got into the car, you suddenly noticed something. His car smelled different. It smells like the perfume you bought for Seonghwa. "Did you change your perfume?" Yunho was smiling. But it was different. "No tiny, I use the same perfume." You trusted your senses and sure enough, his car smelled like Seonghwa. You wondered if you were dreaming because you were so worried about him.

The car ride took longer than you expected. You were constantly texting Seonghwa but he still wasn't responding. You even thought that he got bored of you and left you, but you were fine the last time you met him.

"Where are we going? This highway doesn't go to our house" You were surprised when Yunho drove into a forested area. You looked at Yunho's face, but it was like he wasn't your friend. It was very cold and... scary.

"Yunho? I said where are we're going?" You raised your voice but he was still driving without looking at you. Another ten minutes passed like this in the forest and you finally came to an old house. Even though it was old, it looked well-kept, but it was obvious that no one had lived in it.

"Where is this place? Why did we come here?" Yunho got out of the car and opened your door. "Get off the car." His tone was as foreign as you've ever heard before. "Yun-" "I said. Get. Off. That. Fucking. Car." He uttered each word in an increasingly harsh tone. You got scared and got out of the car and backed away from him, but he grabbed your arm and dragged you home. You tried to look around a bit, but all you saw were huge pine trees reaching up to the sky.

Yunho unlocked the door and pushed you inside. You held on to the wall to keep your balance and not fall to the ground. Now you were getting angry too. "Yunho seriously... What's your problem?" He locked the door again and turned to you. "What is my problem? What is your problem? Since when did you start doing things behind my back?" You more or less understood what he was talking about. "Yunho what you're talking about- wait, that bag-" Your blood ran cold when you saw the bag on the old sofa. The bag that Seonghwa always used and the one hanging on the bag was the Lego keychain that you bought for each other. "Huh? Bag?" Yunho looked at where you were looking and smiled. "Oh, that bag belongs to our guest. Should we go give it to him?" When Yunho took the bag and handed it to you, you saw the tiny blood stains on it. "Yunho, is Seonghwa here?" Your hands started to shake. You understood what was going to happen from the atmosphere around. "Why don't you come and see for yourself?" Yunho grabbed your forearm and dragged you to the stairs. Your legs wouldn't have carried you if Yunho hadn't held you tightly as you walked down the dusty stairs.

You wished he'd never opened that basement door. If you had the opportunity to talk, you would probably object to him not opening it.

When he opened the door to the dark basement, the light coming out hit your boyfriend's face covered in blood lying on the ground and he tried to retreat back, whining. "Hwa!!!" Removing your arm from Yunho, you ran to Seonghwa and crouched down on the ground. "Hwa!!! What happened to you!?" His eyes widened when he looked at your face and he tried to sit up. "No, you shouldn't be here." You looked at his face, his lip was split and somewhere on his head was bleeding. As you moved your eyes over his body, you found a wound somewhere. His leg, arm, abdomen, everywhere was covered in blood.

"Who did this to you?" Your hands were shaking, you couldn't touch him. You felt as if the moment you touched it would make his wounds wider. "Love, you have to go. Run away from here. He is crazy-" He coughed up blood when Yunho kicked him in the back, splattering all over you. "Yunho!!!" You didn't want to believe that your best friend was the one who did this to Seonghwa. You looked at his face as if waiting for an explanation from him. "What? He called you love." He shrugged and went deeper into the room, searching for something.

"You n-need to get out of h-here as soon as possible. Don't e-even look back." He tried to push you. It was very ironic that even though the bone in his arm was broken and was out, he still thought about you. "Hwa! Don't speak. I will help you." You got behind him and wrapped your arms around his chest and tried to drag him. "Agh!!" You stopped for a moment as he groaned in pain. "Hwa, give me some help. Can you push yourself?" He put his hands on yours and tried to remove them away from his chest. "We can't do this love. You need to run- AGH!!!" He shouted as Yunho brought a hammer down on his leg. "Yunho!!! Stop!!!!" You rushed forward and grabbed Yunho's arms. "If you're done with your loving escape plan, can we get back on topic?" When Yunho turned to look at you, Seonghwa crawled forward and tried to grab you. "Don't h-hurt her!" Yunho rolled his eyes and twirled the hammer in his hand. "You don't seem in a position to speak." He put his hands on your chin and lifted your head and you looked into his eyes. His eyes were so foreign. He was definitely not the Yuyu you knew.

"Do you want to explain why you hid your relationship from me?" He moved closer to you, his breath caressing your lips. "W-what relationship?" If you were the reason he did this to Seonghwa, you would never forgive yourself for the rest of your life. Yunho was a bit of an obsessive guy, you already knew that. But you never thought he would get this far.

"Don't play dumb. Or how about this?-" When he slammed the hammer on Seonghwa's leg again, Seonghwa's breath hitched and he couldn't even scream. "No, wait! I'll explain!" You grabbed his arm and tried to pull the hammer from his leg. He turned to you and looked for an answer. "I didn't tell you because I was afraid of your reaction. But I was going to tell you! I swear! I'm just waiting for the right time." Yunho growled as if he didn't like your answer. "You don't understand." He got up from the floor and grabbed one of the large knives hanging on the back wall. "It's not my reaction that matters. What's important is that you betray our friendship and date someone." You rushed forward as you put the knife to Seonghwa's neck. "Please stop! Don't! I'm sorry!" He started pressing the knife on Seomghwa's neck. "Don't? Is he that important to you?" You froze when you saw the blood flowing from Seonghwa's neck. "Is he so important that he brings tears to your eyes? Why have you never cried for me but are you crying for him?" Seonghwa started to squirm in place. He was still looking into your eyes with love but fear. You knew he didn't blame you. "Drop the knife! What do you want?" Yunho pretended to think for a while. "Hmm... What do I want?.. I want you." Seonghwa tried to move angryly. "W-what does that mean?" Yunho chuckled. "So I want you, your body, your soul, your mind, everything. I want to be the only one on your mind. Only I want to look at you, only I want to hear you." He looked at Seonghwa with disgust for a second. "Without this idiot. I want to be the one to love and protect you. So while your dear boyfriend dies here, I will take his place and you won't be able to leave here." Seonghwa tried to reach you with his arms as Yunho pressed the knife dangerously deep. You grabbed his arms. Yunho let him go and you pulled him into your chest, cradling his head in your arms. "You crazy psychopath! Why did you do this!" As Seonghwa started to tremble in your arms, you placed your hand on his neck and tried to stop the bleeding. Yunho was watching you from the side, as if pitying you.

"Please help him! I swear we won't talk again. I'll do whatever you want!" Yunho headed towards the basement door. "Let me leave you alone in your last moments. Seonghwa, if you kiss her, I will find and hunt you in your other life too.”

Seonghwa's trembles began to subside and his breathing began to slow down. His eyes never left yours. He was still looking at you with admiration. "I'm so, so sorry. I swear I didn't know he was like this. I will help you. Phone. Where is my phone? I can't find it, where is it?-" Just as you were about to get up to look around anxiously, he tried to reach for your neck and pull you towards him. When he looked at your lips, you understood what he wanted. You kissed him. "Escape from here. Live for me."

When Yunho returned to the basement with a large black bag in his hand, he found you cowering in the corner of the room, your legs pulled up to you and crying. "Ah, you loved him that much?" He leaned over the body lying on the ground and checked his pulse. "If you loved him, why are you in the corner and not with him right now?" He started to open the bag. "Cold." Yunho paused for a second, looked at you confused. "It's summer. Isn't it hot in here? Why are you cold?" You pointed to the body lying on the ground with your index finger. Yunho smiled at you. "Oh yeah, he's cold."

You were still in your corner, watching your best friend put your boyfriend's body into a bag. How funny.

When Yunho finished his work and approached you, you tried to retreat more. "What? Why are you avoiding me?" You couldn't look at him. "I don't know you anymore." You really didn't know the person in front of you. All the memories of 12 years were instantly erased and you were meeting someone new. "Don't you recognize me? It's me, your boyfriend." He caressed your face but you didn't feel it. Because of the shock you were experiencing, you didn't feel anything, neither physically nor emotionally. "And this is our new home."

a/n: This is the longest thing I've ever written and I've been trying to write for days but I keep getting lost in the story. And I didn't like it at all, I apologize to you again. I would like to thank you if you read this far without getting bored, because I would get bored.

[youalreadyhavefullresults]

the mindset journey

So hi.

My mindset has been evolving a lot ever since I started this journey, and I thought I'd lay it all out in one post. Subliminals, mindless affirming, scripting, visualization, states. I've tried so many things out, and I think I've finally figured out what works for me.

TLDR:

Stop “trying” to manifest or checking the 3d, you already have full results, creation was over like since forever.

Sure you know that you’re God, as the posts and everything you’ve seen tells you, but have you really embraced that internally?

It doesn’t matter how many posts you read, it’s up to you to actually change your mindset.

Logic is literally useless, be delusional (don’t you just wanna go ape-shit :), go get your fucking desires)

Time is not linear, and means nothing when manifesting.

Revision is so powerful, use it.

It’s just so easy guys, please just make sure you’re actually applying the information you see instead of just passively scrolling through.

And the rest is under the cut, happy reading <33

I started off in the subliminal community in Oct 2020 and just had so many limiting beliefs, it was sad. Not to shit on the community or anything, some of them are wonderful people and most of them have changed their mindset as well, but my initial knowledge prevented me from getting to this point until now. But, now I’m here, and a day after I wrote this in my drafts, I literally manifested my ideal life. I originally started this blog to collect advice from loa blogs, but honestly, I don’t need any of it anymore. Though I do like helping people, so if you have any questions, feel free to shoot me an ask.

The Initial Mindset:

I always read through countless posts that say “You’re God” and “You literally can get what you want without even trying.” While I understood the text and adopted the mindset, I still did little subconscious things that contradicted it. While I affirmed my self-concept was perfect, I would also cram-study for exams and worry I would fail. I would say I look perfect, but then also worry about the way my body looked. Also, the way that I literally became obsessed with loa media? I spent hours watching Sammy Ingram videos, looping subliminals, and reading tumblr posts on “how to manifest faster and better”. During this phase of my life, my mind was plagued with intrusive thoughts and my self-concept was slowly getting better, but still absolute shit. I would manifest things here and there, but nothing life-changing.

The main problem however, was the fact that I would treat manifesting like a task I HAD to do. Now that school was back in session, I literally would zone out during specific classes on purpose and just affirm to myself. I would feel bad if I hadn’t listened to my subliminal playlist for the day because I “wasted time in getting my desires”. There’s nothing wrong with vainly affirming or listening to subs if you believe it works, but for me, treating manifesting like a task meant that I was looking for an outcome. Clearly, now I know better, that everything is always done and that there’s nothing to complete, but back then, this was probably the main reason why I struggled to see full results easily. I was acting out of desperation and didn't believe manifestation already was done.

When Everything Changed:

I know that it’s different for everyone, but my “aha!” moment was probably when I read this post. Seriously, go read it, it made me realize that I was going about it all wrong. Now, it wasn’t learning how to perfect my manifesting, it was learning to pull out the tiny limiting beliefs that had burrowed its way into my subconscious.

For example,

“I need to do xyz so that I can get my manifestations.”

Why would I would need to do anything if I already have all of my manifestations hmm? It’s literally already done. Like there’s no need to put in that effort into something that’s already perfect right? So why do I need to even need to try? I literally get whatever tf I want without even trying. This doesn’t mean that every method out there is useless, but in the end, you are the one doing the manifesting, not the method.

“But... this makes absolutely no logical sense! How would this even work?”

I know that STEM me loves finding the logic behind everything, so that’s why I struggled a lot with the logic and time aspect. But darling, it doesn’t need to make sense. There are literally so many things in the world that scientists to this day can’t explain, including just how powerful and complex your brain is. Not to mention the fact that concepts such as logic and science are literally man-made too? What’s the point in trying to deal with logic? Just let go and have fun.

“I affirmed so hard, and I believed it. But then it never showed up when the time came.”

First off, your time spent affirming means nothing, sorry to break it to you. It’s about the mindset(your state if you will) you currently exist in that truly makes a difference. And just because it didn’t show up today doesn’t mean that you missed your window of opportunity. Revision is still manifesting, because time is not a linear concept. Anything at any time can just change with a snap of your fingers. You want to change all of your test scores? Bam, it’s done. you wish WW2 never happened? Bam, it’s done. You want to relive the past 5 years of your life? Bam, it’s done. It doesn’t matter what the event is, what time it is, or that you “didn’t do it before the deadline”. Whenever you do get it(which is instant/soon if you're persisting properly), it will be there, seamlessly blended in with your 3d. You don’t need to worry about a damn thing, your subconscious will take care of everything for you.

“Oh no! I just had intrusive thoughts, did I just mess up my manifestations?”

Why are you giving intrusive thoughts the power to do anything? Sure, you may get them, but that doesn’t mean that they have any effect on you. It’s the doubt they make you feel in your mindset that truly messes it up. Don’t give in. Acknowledge the thought, accept that it literally means nothing, and continue to persist. Your thoughts only have the power you give them.

“Nah, everyone has to be lying, this doesn’t seem real.” / ”Manifesting must just be a coincidence, there’s no way this is real.”

Oh? So you’re saying, the amount of posts you’ve seen, all of the success stories, all of the followers and comments, are you saying every single one of them is lying? No. I’m not saying that every single one of them is truthful, but there’s no way that every single one of them would lie and put this much work into something that’s not real. If you find yourself struggling to believe in the law, I’d suggest you try to manifest something small, and then build up your belief from there. I sure as hell didn’t believe in any of this from the beginning, but then, I manifested consciously for the first time. Again, and again. It became easier, and my life got better. It soon becomes apparent that literally everything you think happens. I always used to wonder how things I randomly thought in the back of my head always happened even though I literally didn’t do anything about it in the 3d. This proved to me that your mental state is more powerful than it seems.

“Can I manifest-”

Yes. Just yes. You’re GOD. GOD. Why tf is God asking some random loa account if they can manifest something or not? Ofc God would know that they can manifest whatever the fuck they want instantly. Do you think when God said “Let there be light”, he first asked people around him if he could? No. He took that shit and just fucking ran with it.

“But-but, what if-”

Uh-uh. I don’t want to fucking hear it. Like I said in the previous section, stop overthinking everything you do. Just go. Run with what you already know and manifest the life of your dreams. You don’t need to keep looking for new information, some specific post that changes everything for you. All they can do for you is steer you in the right direction. You’re the one who’s going to have to figure out our mindset and pull yourself together, no one else can do it. Take back your power, embrace it. I don’t care if you unfollow every single loa account or delete tumblr, just stop looking for the next post. Why would you need more information when you already have everything you need?

I wrote down everything I struggled with, forgot about it, and continued to persist in my new mindset. I ignored any negative 3d circumstances, and just vibed in the feeling that my desires were already here, that feeling of contentment someone has when everything in their life is just amazing. The main question I asked myself was, what would a person who had ____ think, and I went from there. Soon the things I wanted just started popping up in my life, just as I knew it would. I feel like the things I’ve said in this post are pretty much the same concepts you see all over loa tumblr, which is why it’s so important that you actively take in the information that’s being given to you and actually apply it. I was obsessed with tumblr and kept on scrolling through countless blogs and posts, and I was only able to fully manifest after I stepped away from all of that. There is no big secret. There’s no miraculous method that will fix everything for you. There’s just... you. And your subconscious. Whatever you tell your subconscious, goes. As simple as that.

How about, instead of scrolling to whatever next loa post you were about to see on this app, you close tumblr and just go live your best life? Don’t overcomplicate it and just do whatever feels natural to you. I hope this post helped, happy manifesting!

-cinna

[kasagia]

Can you give us a little sneak peak for the next part

My twodear anonymous and @hanadays1234, thank you so much! 😊🖤🩵

Yes, I can. And since I wrote all my exams, I only focus on writing. 🖤🩵🖤🩵🖤🩵🖤🩵

Nope 🤭🙈 🩵🖤🖤🩵

24.05 Friday or 27.05 Monday. (I have nothing written except what I will give you right now)

Also, who binge watched Bridgerton season 3 and now get inspiration for the new series (for Feyd, I showed you once) instead on focus on the Right Hand? 🤡🙈

Anyway... sneak peak:

Feyd rarely felt pain he didn't like. The years spent on Giedi Prime—or rather, years of enduring his uncle's methods of making him a true Harkonnen, his worthy successor—made Feyd love pain. He found pleasure in it—something he had to learn if he wanted to survive.

But it didn't bring him any satisfaction or pleasure when you pierced his chest with one of his swords. He feels pure pain. Anger, betrayal, and hurt.

He hates the way he falls limply to his knees in front of you. He hates that he still looks at you like you're a saint. He hates that he hopes you'll at least look him in the eyes, as if that would bring him some kind of salvation. He hates how lost he feels now and how he's slowly losing awareness of his surroundings. He hates that even though you stabbed him, all he can do is stare at you, clinging to the sight of you more than to his life.

"This will be the beginning of a wonderful alliance, Lady Y/N."

He feels you unhook your poisoned dagger from his arm. Feyd thinks you're doing it to finish him off. Poetically kill him with the weapon he gave you. He closes his eyes and waits for the final stab or throat slit. But nothing like that happens. He doesn't have the strength to turn around and see exactly what you're doing, but your words alone are enough for him to imagine the scene that is happening behind him.

"I may not be a Harkonnen, but I've picked up a few of their habits. If you want an agreement between us, show me your hand." After your words, he can hear a hiss from Atreides when you plunge the dagger into your joined hands, piercing them both through.

Feyd would have laughed mockingly if he hadn't spent all his energy on breathing slowly. He remembered explaining to you how contracts, such as arranged marriages, were sealed on Giedi Prime. The Harkonnens shook hands and pierced them with swords, thus signing a blood pact. This also applied to marriages and other such things. Blood bound them stronger than any words or signatures on paper. He cursed himself for the fact that, seeing your scared face at his words, he withdrew from this idea and decided to make a verbal agreement between you. He should be the one to bind you with his blood, not Atreides.

The steel in his body rubs against his lower ribs, but it does not damage any major organs. He tries to keep the sword in the exact same position you stuck it in, but he feels like he's going to faint from all the pain, the blood, and the fear for you that he feels now.

You made him so weak that even after you stabbed him, all he could think about was your safety and your well-being. Every shaky breath he took, every slow beat of his heart as he fought to stay conscious—it was all for you.

He just hoped like hell that you weren't lying a few moments ago, that this would all turn out to be just one of your games, and that you would soon end Atreides' life. But it's not like that.

"Let this blood be a symbol of our union." Your sweet, dangerous whisper reaches Feyd's ears.

He's raging with powerlessness and anger. That Atreides dog didn't deserve to mix his blood with yours. Only Feyd should be able to do this. Only his black blood should merge with your crimson, staining your joined hands as you swore allegiance to each other. His heart hurts more than the wound you gave him as he imagine how you and this desert rat are now echanging each other's blood.

If he hadn't been placed in such a vulnerable state by you, he would have ripped Atreides' heart out with his bare hands for daring to mix his blood with yours. A cold shiver runs down his spine at the thought of Atreides connecting with you in yet another way. A way Feyd was robbed too many times.

He tries to get up, but he doesn't have enough strength. All he can do is place his hands on the floor, trying to take the weight off his torso. The blade scratching his flesh bothers him much less than the fact that Atreides has the nerve to touch you or that you're blatantly ignoring him while playing whatever game you're playing right now.

"Leave him to me. I want… to repay him for all these years of fulfilling his wishes."

(...)

[lovelyhan]

— mirage ⟢

he loves with a passion that bleeds into his actions, never his words. you can see it in how he doesn’t make a sound. how he’s seemingly on the cusp, teetering dangerously across the knife’s edge. you're nothing but a stranger to him and yet he looks at you like you’re the most precious thing in the world.

★ FEATURING; wonwoo x gn!reader

★ WORD COUNT; 3.5k words

★ TAGS; strangers to lovers, lawyer!wonwoo, one night stands, smut

★ WARNINGS; graphic sexual content (MINORS DNI!)

★ NOTES; i've been studying non stop for this exam i gotta take on wednesday and instead of getting some sleep, i reworked another old fic into a svt one HEHE this was a tears of themis fic i wrote almost 3 years ago and couldn't help but imagine wonwoo in artem's place 🧍‍♀️

★ SMUT TAGS; no specifications abt gendered anatomy, soft sex, really vanilla, aftercare

★ TAGLIST; i'll update this when i get on my computer lol

You spot him early into the evening—lights dim and music blaring, but the sight of him is no less blinding, no less enchanting to someone like you.

He looks like a white-collar fellow, shirt buttoned all the way up as he hangs a stuffy-looking coat across one arm. Vigilant eyes, neatly gelled hair, domineering presence—everything about the man screams ‘professional’ and ‘sophisticated’.

But what is an Adonis like him doing in a place like this?

You continue observing from a distance, nursing a drink you sweet-talked a college boy into buying for you. God knows where that guy went off, so you let yourself ogle the gorgeous newcomer a few minutes longer.

He’s no regular—this you’re completely sure of. Even if you didn’t spend as much time as you did in this bar, you can tell from the tension in his shoulders that he isn’t well-acquainted with Seoul's nightlife.

The man takes the laminated menu that the bartender slides over the counter, perusing its contents like he’s ordering at a family restaurant. When he’s made up his mind, you could almost hear how polite he probably sounds while ordering the mildest drink on the list. Sparkling water, maybe.

You don’t waste any time.

Mister tall, dark and handsome becomes considerably wary the moment you slide into the stool next to his—complaining about your ghastly work life out loud. The bartender eases into his role as your wingman seamlessly, much to your amusement. He tells you how his new patron needed a break from the monotone of a nine-to-five biorhythm, too.

“No, it’s not that,” mystery man laughs softly, and God, if sex had a voice, he is most certainly the one behind it. “A friend recommended that I drop by when I have the time.”

“You’re not the type to get plastered alone, though, are you?” A tentative smile worms its way onto your face. “This your first time?”

You half-expect him to deny it, like every stingy salaryman you’ve tried to seduce in the past. But Adonis here seems more honest with himself than most.

“Kind of. And I do have my reasons,” he sighs, dark eyes piercing through yours as he holds out his hand. “I’m Wonwoo. Jeon Wonwoo.”

Wonwoo. Beautiful name befitting of a beautiful man, but thank the gods you aren’t cheesy enough to say that out loud.

You introduce yourself out of courtesy, yet you find yourself quite fond of how the syllables of your name roll across his tongue when he repeats it. There’s nothing even remotely erotic in the way he speaks, but something about this man just pulls you in. Like the polar ends of two magnets, you’re unable to resist the attraction.

The small talk is sparse. You learn he’s an attorney in one of the city’s big-shot law firms, and you tell him about your childhood dream of opening a flower shop in return. He already lives the same cycle of corporate slavery as you do so you doubt he’ll be interested in your trivial work stories.

But…he asks anyway. About your job, your boss, even the work environment. Wonwoo seems like someone who likes to delve into the details—even if you’re no one but a complete stranger he just happened to meet tonight. He’s so catastrophically different from the idiots you settled with for a good time, and you’re afraid he might be setting the bar a little too high. No man looking for someone to warm his bed for the night can be this sincere.

Although, there is one thing that Wonwoo and the unwitting men in this place have in common.

You know the look in his eyes a bit too well. Sadness. Dejection. Resignation?

Who did he lose? A girlfriend? A boyfriend? You have no means of making sure without asking him directly, but you’ve encountered enough heartbroken souls to pick them out of a crowd with ease.

A man as prolific as he is won’t purposely visit a shoddy establishment like this. That’s if he isn’t rearing to forget whatever—or whoever—is weighing on that pretty little head of his.

Wonwoo patiently sips on a glass of bourbon (not sparkling water, thank God) as he listens to you drone about the flowers growing in your balcony. From the looks of it, he doesn’t seem like an ordinary ‘yes man’ either. He even asks for tips on growing aloe vera because he’s heard the natural gel is good for the skin. A handsome hunk that’s polite and gives a damn about skin care? You could marry him on the spot at this point.

“Do you have any favorite flowers?” you wonder.

He considers your words for a moment and you watch the way he traces the rim of his glass with his finger. When Wonwoo meets your gaze, you see it again. That hint of sadness carefully hidden beneath a kind smile.

“Roses,” he murmurs. “As cliché as the preference might sound.”

You shake your head. “Not at all. Roses are big in the market for a reason, but…”

“But?”

“You’re going to think I’m petty if I say it...”

Wonwoo laughs, bringing the glass to his lips as he takes another sip. God, why does he look so unintentionally sexy in everything he does? It’s so unfair…

“I won’t question the expertise of a veteran gardener,” he reassures, and your heart warms at his blatant sincerity. “I take it that you’re not very fond of roses?”

You nod slowly. “Yeah. They’re kind of tricky to take care of. Once, I tried to grow a rosebush but I kept pricking myself on the thorns. Roses are pretty but they hurt.”

“Pretty but they hurt,” Wonwoo repeats the words under his breath. “That’s one way of putting it.”

And then comes the silence.

For a moment, you’re seized by a twinge of panic. The atmosphere suddenly became stale the moment Wonwoo uttered those last words, and you aren’t sure how you should respond. Bartender-wingman is serving someone else on the other side of the counter, so you can’t exactly rely on him for moral support. Oh, God. What if Wonwoo thinks you’re just some pick-me person that makes growing plants a personality trait?

“It’s getting pretty late.”

You startle the moment he speaks again. Wonwoo downs whatever’s left of his drink before flashing you another heart-wrenchingly genuine smile.

“Yeah. The night just passes by when you’re enjoying a conversation,” you laugh. “Do you really have to leave so soon, attorney?”

Wonwoo shakes his head. “No, not really. It’s my day-off tomorrow. How about you? Didn’t you mention you’re from downtown Seoul? That’s a bit far from here.”

You wave away his inquiry. “Nah. I can just take a train back. I’m used to the commute.”

“But you’re under the influence.”

“But I’m not drunk.”

“My apartment is just a few blocks away,” he insists, clearing his throat. “I think it’s safer if you stay the night first. It was raining quite heavily when I got here.”

You stare at him with your lips slightly parted—the gears turning in your head when you finally realize what he was trying to do.

“Jeon Wonwoo,” you say, grinning from ear-to-ear, “are you saying you want me to go home with you?”

His face flushes so badly, even his ears turn red. “Is it working? I mean— I didn’t think I’d really meet anyone worthwhile when I decided to go here, so—?!”

“Good enough for me,” you sigh, getting up from your stool as you link your arm in Wonwoo’s—tugging him along. He sputters a little before fishing out his wallet, and you don’t comment on how he drops a fat wad of cash onto the bar without counting it.

“Are you sure about this?” he asks, unfolding his coat to drape it across your shoulders. “I don’t want to be imposing.”

You scoff when he leads you to the parking lot. True enough, the rain still hasn’t pittered out when you got out of the bar. Maybe taking advantage of his offer isn’t so bad after all.

Grabbing Wonwoo by the front of his shirt, you make him lean down to your level with a smile. He makes a disgruntled noise out of surprise, but doesn’t struggle. You take it as a positive sign. The coat on your shoulders smells like fresh detergent and expensive cologne. You’d be a fool to walk away now.

“Yes, attorney, I’m sure,” you tell him sweetly. “Now why don’t you show me where you plan on growing those aloe vera, hm?”

Spoiler alert: he does not get to show you at all.

Despite how demure he looks, Wonwoo is surprisingly responsive when you jump him the moment the door to his apartment shuts. His lips are sinfully soft, molding his flesh against yours as he pushes his coat off your shoulders, onto the floor.

Though you’re very much liking the feel of his large hands slotting themselves on your hips, there's still a hint of hesitation in his touch. Like he’s unsure whether he wants to carry on with this or not. You pull away with a pout, fingers teasing the buttons on his iron-pressed shirt.

“We can just…hang out if you don’t want to,” you offer.

Wonwoo laughs breathlessly, taking one of your hands in his. You shoot him a weird look before heat starts to creep up your face as he plants a soft kiss on your knuckles.

“What makes you think I don’t?”

His hands travel south again, fitting the swell of your ass in those large palms. You sigh, slotting your lips together again as you jump—wrapping your thighs around his waist before you feel Wonwoo pressing you up against the wall.

Even the way he kisses is enough to drive you over the edge. He doesn’t have the displaced ferocity that most of your old flings thought made make out sessions hotter. You’re not particularly fond of overeager men, and Wonwoo’s pacing is tempered just the way you like it.

He licks into your mouth slowly, sensually, as if he wants you to embed the feel of him tonguing his way in your frazzled brain. You can’t help the moan that reverberates in your throat when he detaches himself from your mouth—taking the time to pepper your neck with little bruises.

But while he’s busy making his mark, your eyes end up focusing on the picture frames Wonwoo hung on the walls of his doorway.

You thread your fingers in his dark hair to distract him as you study each picture. One depicted what you assumed is Wonwoo with his colleagues at the law firm, smiling professionally for the camera. Wonwoo himself looked like a million dollars—tailored suit, unwrinkled shirt, debonair visage. You wouldn’t have mistaken him for anyone else.

But you also notice how his right hand is entwined with someone else’s. A man in a sleek gray blazer, his blond hair falling across cat-like eyes.

He’s present in the other frames, too. The first is a shot of him and Wonwoo sitting on a park bench, the other man sleeping soundly with his head on his shoulder. Wonwoo gazes at him with so much endearment in his eyes, it could only be called love.

There’s another photo with two more men in it. The blond grins brightly with one arm draped around Wonwoo's wide shoulders, while the other attempts to headlock another man whose eyes disappear when he smiles. In the background is someone much shorter than the three—equal parts annoyed and amused by their antics.

“Hey.”

You startle enough to lose your grip around Wonwoo’s legs, and you end up barely balancing yourself on the carpeted floor. Wonwoo laughs, and you shoot him a disgruntled look.

“You’re distracted,” he comments.

Well. Now that the cat’s out of the bag…

“Is he…your boyfriend?” you ask nervously, pointing at the blond in the picture frames. “I’m not committing adultery, am I?”

Wonwoo manages a sad smile, undoing the top buttons of his dress shirt before casting a sidelong glance at the frames mounted on his wall.

“He was about three years ago,” he admits. “But he’s getting married soon. You don’t have to worry about being a third party.”

The house is silent as you observe Wonwoo with keen eyes. It’s been three years, yet the grief in his gaze is still so raw. You’ve been with enough people to know if they’re only doing this with you for a good time, or to forget about someone else.

And you’re more than willing to help him with the latter.

You hook your arms around Wonwoo’s neck before bringing him down for another kiss—one with more fervor, more intensity than you would otherwise offer. He doesn’t reciprocate for a moment, seemingly astonished with your sudden vigor. But in time, he melts against your lips until one after the other, both your clothes start to litter the hall.

His mattress is soft when Wonwoo gently lays you atop the sheets, worshipping every inch of skin you’ve willingly exposed. But after he rises back to meet you in a fleeting kiss, he presses two fingers on your bottom lip. You’re embarrassingly compliant, parting your lips at the same time, inching your thighs apart somewhat subconsciously.

You get his long, dextrous digits nice and wet—tongue swirling around his skin as you cover them in a sheen of saliva. Wonwoo doesn’t say a word, but there’s an uncharacteristic glint in his eyes that you never would’ve associated with him earlier in the evening. A smolder in his usually composed gaze that makes you want to see just how far you can push him.

Wonwoo embraces you with one arm when he slides those spit-slicked fingers along your entrance, preparing you with a delicious stretch that has you keening his name into the cold air of the bedroom. He remains silent still, but you can feel those eyes on you regardless. The heat of his gaze penetrates into your being as his fingers make good work between your legs. When he kisses you again, your lungs feel like they’d been set aflame.

“Wonwoo,” you whisper, lips trembling as he rests his forehead against yours. “Please…”

He chuckles again, soft and reassuring as he lifts your thighs with strong hands, bracketing them across his hips. The cut of his abs from where you can see them look so well-defined, you wonder if he works out regularly. But once he maneuvers around to rid himself of his boxers, your thoughts drift to another impressive segment of his too-perfect-to-be-real body.

The familiar sound of a foil package being torn open snaps you out of your reverie. Wonwoo sighs as he rolls the rubber around his length—face red with lust or embarrassment, you aren’t quite sure. But when he glides the tip of his cock along your swollen entrance, you nearly sob.

“Want you…so bad,” you whimper, grinding down against him. “Wonwoo, please, please—!”

His initial preparation is all for naught, it seems. Because when the beautiful man above you finally buries himself to the hilt, you’re momentarily blinded by the pain of his entrance. You gasp out loud—tears welling in the corners of your eyes. But Wonwoo swallows the noise with an open-mouthed kiss, framing an apology on your lips as he wipes away the tears.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, brushing your hair away from your face. “I got a little excited.”

He stays still inside you, watching you get used to the stretch. The patience is a little endearing, given that you’re accustomed to just getting fucked out of your wits. Wonwoo even takes the time to trace comforting shapes along the skin of your thighs in an attempt to calm you down.

“You can move now,” you tell him shyly, turning your head to avoid his gaze.

Wonwoo nods once, pulling his hips back slowly before easing inside you once more. You sigh, burying your face in your hands as he builds you from the ground up, stoking the flame he started inside you the moment you laid your eyes on him.

“I want to see you.”

You jolt when he pins your hips in place with one hand while seizing your wrist with the other. There’s a crease on his brow, like he’s disappointed with you hiding your face from him. But the look immediately morphs into something more captivating.

Then he makes a particularly rough thrust that coaxes a broken moan from your lips.

His sudden, unrelenting pace continues from then on out. Wonwoo grips your thighs hard, but not enough to leave bruises. His discretion makes your heart flutter, but you can’t quite bask in the sentiment given that his cock is hitting all the spots that make stars dance in the seams of your vision. You clench your walls around his length, desperate to get a reaction out of him, and it works. Wonwoo bites his lip like he doesn’t want to make any forthcoming noises, but you bring him back down again for a kiss before anything else.

“You don’t have to hold back so much,” you murmur. “I can take it.”

Those dark eyes widen with surprise, and you can almost feel his self-control snap.

But contrary to your expectations, Wonwoo doesn’t start fucking you into the mattress like a wild animal. Instead, he hoists your hips even higher, holding your body at an odd angle. You’re about to ask what he’s trying to do, but when he plunges his cock back into your weeping hole, the words evaporate on your tongue.

Deep. He’s so impossibly deep that you fear it’ll take you days to sweat him out. A trail of saliva dribbles on your chin as Wonwoo slowly guides you to the apex of an orgasm. Your toes clench, your fingers tangle themselves in his hair. His name sounds like an incantation on your lips, and you wonder if the gods would let you have this man forever.

But…

He loves with a passion that bleeds into his actions, never his words. You can see it in how he doesn’t make a sound. How he’s seemingly on the cusp, teetering dangerously across the knife’s edge. You’re nothing but a stranger to him and yet he looks at you like you’re the most precious thing in the world.

That man is lucky, you think—to be loved by someone as devastatingly devoted as Jeon Wonwoo.

Wonwoo comes down from his post-coital high a bit later than you do. But regardless, he takes it upon himself to carry you over to the bathroom despite your protests that you can do it yourself.

Even the way he washes the evidence of your sultry affair is equal parts firm and tender. He cleans you up patiently, doing the same for himself before handing you a fluffy white towel from the rack. You blush, noting how the fabric smells exactly like him as you dry yourself.

The two of you climb back into bed thereafter—not bothering with clothes, and instead choosing to bask in the heat of your bodies. It feels nice, pressing yourself against his toned chest, and Wonwoo doesn’t seem to have any complaints to raise either.

You don’t expect any pillow talk, nor does it come. After all, this is just one night. Though you’re curious about that old flame of his, you don’t really want to ruin the nighttime mirage you’ve weaved for yourself.

The rain continues to pour outside his windowpane, but the feel of your bodies slotted together can keep you warm for the night. It’s just you and Wonwoo, legs tangled underneath his expensive sheets.

Nothing more, nothing less.

When morning comes, you’re alone on the queen-sized mattress.

Last night’s rainshower has long passed, and you’re forced to squint at the sunlight filtering through a crack in the blinds. You blink groggily, fumbling around Wonwoo’s room for your clothes. You don’t know where he is, but you’re sure as hell going to see yourself out before he gives you a polite rendition of ‘please get out of my house’.

As softly as you can, you shut the door once you’ve dressed yourself—glancing around in the living room to check if the coast is clear. You remember leaving your bag somewhere on the couches last night, and it should be—

“Hmm? You’re leaving?"

You jolt like a cat thrown into a bathtub at the sound of Wonwoo’s deep voice. When you turn around to meet his gaze, you see him at the entrance to the kitchen. Like you, he’s fully dressed now, albeit in more casual clothes compared to last night’s corporate uniform. But what baffles you the most is the cat-printed apron he tied around his waist. The scent of frying pancake batter fills your senses, and your mouth immediately waters.

“Uhh, I figured you’d want to kick me out first thing in the morning,” you laugh nervously, scratching the back of your neck. “Didn’t want to overstay my welcome and all.”

Wonwoo shoots you a confused look before laughing. “Kick you out? I’m not that terrible a person, you know. Come on, I’ve made breakfast.”

He marches back into the kitchen like you have no say in the matter. Like he actually expects you to follow and join him there. Your jaw drops into a semi-offended scowl…

But you stride after him anyways.

⟢ end notes: if you spot any mistakes, do forgive me. it's 3 am and my brain is mush LOL. and if it wasn't obvi enough, the ex is junhui and the dudes in the photo are the 96z 🫡

[obessedwithfictionalmen]

Qué serà, serà. Prologue

Callum Turner X Reader

Sumarry: The history of Callum and Y/n's relationship.

Warning: None

Taglist: @emmaafinchh @adeena04 @alelo23

If you're not in it and want to be, let me know

A/n: I don't know each part of Callum's life, I knew he grew up without a dad. I won't write anything about it, except what I wrote. Love y'all

Y/n and Callum had always been Y/n and Callum. They’ve been best friends since they were in the wombs. Their parents were best friends, they’d met in high school, became a group of friends and are still best friends to this day. When the two girls became pregnant at the same time, they knew their children were going to be best friend. Callum was born a month before Y/n, he was born February 15th, Y/n was born on March 15th. They went to school together; they were always together. Since they were both an only child, they found in each other the sibling they didn’t have. When they were both 4 years old, they made a promise.

They were playing in the park; he was pushing her on the swing. ‘’Will you promise me a thing, Cal?’’ her little voice said. ‘’Of course, Y/n/n, what is it?’’ he said. ‘’Never leave me, you’re my best friend’’ she said. She’d came off the swing and went in front of him. She showed him her pinky fingers. ‘’Promise?’’ she asked. They hooked their pinkie together. ‘’Pinky promise’’ he said. They both hugged and went back playing in the park.

As they both grew up, the always remembered this promise, they honored it. After all, pinky promise was the most serious promise of all. Y/n wasn’t popular at school, she didn’t have many friends, Callum, on the contrary, had tons of friends, but he only had one best friend. People thought Y/n was weird, even though she was perfectly normal. She loved history, Harry Potter and sucked at math, when she was 7, she got diagnosed with dyscalculia, it’s a learning disability with math. It would often lead her to mistake her left and right, she couldn’t read a normal clock and she had trouble solving math problems. It often made her feel stupid, but Callum always cheered her up. He understood math, so he helped her with her homework. Callum’s dad left when he was young, he was too young to understand what really went down, but Y/n’s dad was disappointed in his ex- best friend. He made it a personal mission to be a father figure to Callum. Y/n’s dad had been there for Callum the second Rosemary, Callum’s mom, told them that the dad had left.

Y/n always had a thing for Callum, he was good looking, and he was so nice to her. It started to be hard when Callum started dating. Especially when he had his first kiss in front of Y/n at 13. They went to a skatepark with Callum’s friend, he was talking to a much older girl that smoked. When he kissed her, he thought it was disgusting, her breath smelled like cigarette, and it was horrendous. Her heart broke a little that day, even when he told her that the kiss was disgusting, she felt sad. It got worse when Callum started acting, he started to date some of the actresses and the picture were everywhere. Y/n dates a little bit, but she knew she’d never love anyone more than she loved Callum. On his part, Callum tired his hardest to not fall in love with her. She was his best friend, he couldn’t think about her like that, even though he tried, he ended up falling in love with her. By dating the other actress, he tried to forget about her, but deep down, he knew he couldn’t love anyone more than Y/n.

When she went to university, Callum was afraid that she would forget about him and find new friends. But she didn’t. She decided to stay at home instead of living on campus. She studied history, and she wanted to become a historian. He helped her study, and she helped him with the lines he had to learn, when her finals came, Callum stayed up all night to help her study and when she passed her exams, he was the first to jump in her arms, yelling that his best friend is going to be an historian. Now that they both moved to L.A., it was hard to stick with their promise. He started acting more professionally, so he was never at home. Because they were roommates, they lived together, but Callum was always away. He felt bad for always being away, but he was pursuing his carer, so he must make this sacrifice. Their life together was fun, but it had its difficulties, especially when they were both in love with the other…

[lawva-girl]

Historically.. We don't mix.

Law x fem!Reader, College AU

Notes: the things that don't mix are history and stem majors!!! this came to me in a dream forever ago and ive been sitting on it since. This is only part one to... idk how many but yes! I have a loose outline, we can bet on 5 parts but thats a scary bet to make methinks. Enjoy :) also i apologize if the pov switching in the first bit is weird, i thought i was cooking and i kinda think its cute now so it is.

WC: 1976

The classroom was quiet, you were the only one there. Class officially started in 4 minutes. Right as you pulled out your phone to double check the room another person walked in. You assumed she was a student since she was about your age, at least she looked it. When the woman instead walked to the front of the class you realized she was the professor. Shoulder length black hair, with bangs trimmed right to her eyebrows. Wearing a white cowboy hat, which you thought was peculiar. 

She removed the hat and set it on the desk, resting her bag in the seat. 

She wrote on the board “Robin, overview of women in war” then she leaned against the desk and pulled out her phone.

You looked back at yours, 11:18. Two minutes until class began, and there was now roughly 15 people in the room. You sat in the second row back from the front, and you noticed only one person in the front row. He had a weird beanie on, dark hair, and pierced ears. You tried not to stare, since you knew he could glance back at any second.

“Okay everyone, I am Nico Robin. I’m your professor.” She smiled for the class, and continued, “this class should be very exciting, we get to learn about women like Joan of arc, who really was a delusional farm girl, and Molly Pitcher, a women who fought in the American revolution. The syllabus is online, you will need books by next class. The student store has them for 15 dollars, I won’t take any excuses.” 

The professor paused, then opened her bag and pulled out the book, “it looks like this. It’s a small booklet of primary sources, mostly text and images, that we will take a deep dive into. Your grade this semester will be 40 percent exams, 25 percent homework, and finally 35 percent participation. Yes it is a lot, this class is modeled after my time researching, you cannot be a historian or teacher without being able to work as a group and communicate. I know it’s a challenge but try your best.”

A beat.

Law felt sick. He was not a talker, especially to people who were history majors. The men were always blood hungry, the women always poetic. This class would be rough, but if he could find one person bearable enough it might be okay. Sitting in the front seat, he couldn’t glance around to see his peers. While the professor was going on about the school's mandatory syllabus information, he took a quick look behind him, as if checking the clock. 

No one was paying attention, and he glanced quickly around the class. There was only one person who looked back at him, meeting his eyes. Of course they looked away immediately, and so did he.

The professor finally finished and gave the students time to “meet their neighbors”. Law turned and found the one student who made eye contact with him. 

“I’m Trafalgar Law, I’m a double major in history and biology.” He stated right to the girl, with no excitement in his voice, tone steady.

“My name is Dracule y/n, I’m a history major, and you are insane, Trafalgar.” She had a bit of sarcasm in her tone, which he took offense to. She was the fifth person to tell him that today.

“I’m not insane, I just like history and I want to be a doctor.” 

“That’s cool I guess, I’ve never met a stem major I liked though. You guys are all so “history is just memorization and dates”, I can’t stand talking to ‘em.” 

Law looked back at her and thought ‘I have never met a history major I liked either’. He decided on saying, “If you ask me historians are basically philosophers, you just think all day and pretend like the world changed.” 

She made an obvious frown, putting her hands onto the table with a bit too much force. “Huh?!”

“History majors have two options, teach or research, both are dead end jobs that don’t help people. It’s simple.” He stated nonchalantly, like it was crazy to major in history. 

“Well life isn’t all about jobs and helping people. It’s about living?” She looked him dead in the eyes before finishing with, “it’s not like the world collapses when doctors aren’t around.” 

“Well it was nice talking, but I’m gonna chat to my other neighbors.” He said with a huff, he didn’t have to talk to you at all, in fact he hoped he wouldn’t have to again. 

After about 10 more minutes, professor Robin spoke up again, “okay okay, since we don’t have textbooks yet I decided to make a fun assignment. I’m giving you your first and last handouts, you will need to fill them out before next class. Other than that, please look at the canvas page. Read over the syllabus and take my obligatory syllabus quiz. You are now free from this class.” 

You walked out into the hall, and booked it to the student store. You told your only friend and sister, Perona, that you would meet her there.

Law, coincidentally, told Bepo the same thing. Bepo was his only friend, having grown up with the white haired bear. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Only 10 minutes after class had dismissed you arrived at the store, already spotting Perona’s pink pigtails. 

“perona!” You whisper-screamed in her ear, trying to scare her. 

“Ahhh y/n”, she sighed, clearly unaffected, “you know you’ll never scare me. Anyways, what is my cute depressed friend doing on Friday?” 

You and her walked into the store, “studying... So I’m busy.” Giving her a quick smile before you two settled in the textbook section. 

“You are so coming with me then! I’m going to the mall that’s next to campus, I’m already so bored of our dorm room decorations. If we go to 5below I can get way cuter stuff for us! You need to come since it’s your dorm too, so I won’t take no for an answer.”

“Perona you have really good taste in stuff, you should be fine on your own!” You put some enthusiasm behind your voice, to encourage her. 

She frowned back at you, not buying into your typical antics. “If you don’t come then you won’t be leaving all weekend! You need to go outside y/n!” 

“Perona!? Hi!” A voice from behind you called out to her, causing you to turn instantly. 

“Bepo! What a coincidence! Do you have a picture of the textbook we need for thermodynamics?” Perona said, already stepping towards the bear.

“Of course! I have to be studious this year!” 

The two of them found the text book, it costed a whopping $300 dollars, and was written by their professor. 

“We can share, right Bepo? That way it’s only 150 dollars?” The both of them had a cloud over their heads as you watched the sad situation unfold. Peronas face was for sure one of desperation.

“Wait is there a digital version? It’s usually cheaper.” You suggested, reaching to pull out the info card. 

“Bepo! I’ve been looking.” Whoever said that sounded quite angry, and familiar?

“I’m sorry Law! I saw my classmate and got excited… sorry” Bepo turned to face the man. 

“You couldn’t have texted? just once?” Law replied, only just then looking at the two people who were with Bepo.

“Great this guy again.” You said with sarcasm dripping from your voice and turned to Perona, “we should leave, he hates me.” 

“I don’t hate you. I don’t even know you.” Law said, pinching his nose.

“Whatever, do you have Bepo’s number Rona?” Calling her by her self appointed nickname always made her happy, right now you were hoping it would get her to leave with you to the history section. 

“I don’t actually! Bepo! Here, put your number in!” She said with a smile, being way more friendly than usual. “I’m Perona by the way, how do you know my friend y/n?” 

It was a simple question but the way he answered really bugged you, rattling off a “we have a class together”. He was looking down at his phone and didn’t even bother to look up when he answered. Hell he didn’t even bother to introduce himself! 

“His name is Trafalgar by the way, we have women in war together.” You had a straight face, conveying how much it bothered you well.

“Awww how wonderful!” Perona had an enthusiastic tone but looked at you with a smirk like no other. “Would you be her friend? I’m the only one she has right now!” 

You cursed your friend and her constant medling. She loved to stir the pot, and when you got upset she would always say “you are so cute when you’re mad though!” With her words to Law, he finally looked up. 

He opened his mouth to speak, but was instantly interrupted. 

“He only had one friend too!” Bepo handed back Perona’s phone, “it’s me!” He said with a big smile.

“He seems like he would have no trouble! My y/n is super awkward and shy!” Perona practically ignored you, as you had started to form words before she interrupted you.

“No no! He’s pretty judgmental so a lot of people stay away from him, he also thinks he’s smarter than everyone!” Bepo replied back, as if they were two parents gossiping about their kids.

“She thinks the same! Maybe they could be friends?” Perona and Bepo look at you and Law.

“I am smarter!” Both you and law said in unison. Immediately looking at each other with frustration.

“Don’t say what I say!” You said to law.

“How would I know what you were going to say? Do you even think?” Law argued back.

“Of course I do! Do you?” You couldn’t think of anything better… 

“Good one. Bepo we’re leaving.”

“Rona we are leaving too! At least I don’t constantly speak in contractions…”

Law turned his head so you would hear, “you just said one too!” 

You and Perona had already turned the corner, you quickly led her to the history section. You spared her no look, you figured you would talk about it once the two of you got back to the dorm. Once you reached the history section, you squatted down in front of the book you needed and saw there were 3 left. Grabbing one then standing. Just as you were about to go pay for the book, you heard him again.

“Are you following me Dracule? Typical.” He said, with a touch of sarcasm. 

“Typical? We both know you don’t have anyone interested enough to follow you. Also, are you even thinking? We are in the same class so of course we would both need the same book.” 

“Whatever, I’m getting my book and leaving.” He quickly bent over, grabbed a copy and was gone.

“No comeback!?” You said, just a bit too loud. You wanted him to hear you, so that he knew you knew he couldn’t come up with anything. Feeling a bit triumphant you turned to Perona, who was standing behind you with a smile. 

“What now?” 

“He’s cute y/n!”

“No chance. He’s mean, and a biology major!” 

She scoffed, “there is always an exception to the rule! Like me!” 

“Yes Rona, an exception. A single exception. There can’t be two exceptions.” 

“Anything could happen! Plus if me and Bepo end up sharing a book you might be forced into hanging out with all of us! Who knows, maybe they also share a dorm!” 

You sigh and look at her, she looks so happy at the prospect that you might have a friend, especially one that’s a guy. You settled, your good side winning out. “Fine. I’ll be open to it. Only if he is nicer.” 

[selfhelpforstudents]

i always see people around me being more productive and starting revision earlier and doing everything much faster. i’m already trying my best, but i start panicking when i see them be better, and feel like i’m lagging behind. how do i snap out of this mentality?

How to Stop Panicking About Productivity:

We’ve all been there. You’re grinding away at your own pace, and then you glance around and see everyone else seemingly miles ahead. They’re breezing through tasks, acing their exams, and looking like they’ve got it all figured out. Meanwhile, you’re fighting off panic, convinced you’re falling behind. But before you spiral further, take a breath. You’re not alone, and there’s a way to snap out of this productivity panic.

1. Realize You’re Not in a Race

First off, let’s get one thing straight: life isn’t a race. Sure, it feels like everyone around you is speeding ahead, but that doesn’t mean you’re losing. Your journey is your own, and comparing your progress to others is like comparing apples to oranges. Different people have different strengths, learning styles, and paces. What works for someone else might not work for you, and that’s okay.

2. Practice Mindful Self-Compassion

When you catch yourself spiraling, pause and check in with yourself. Are you being too harsh on your own progress? Give yourself some credit. You’re doing your best, and that’s enough. Start practicing self-compassion by treating yourself like you would a friend who’s struggling. Would you tell them they’re a failure, or would you encourage them to keep going? Be your own cheerleader.

3. Focus on Your Progress, Not Theirs

It’s easy to get caught up in what everyone else is doing, but the only progress that really matters is your own. Take a moment to reflect on how far you’ve come instead of how far you think you have to go. Even small steps forward are still progress. Keep a journal or a list of what you’ve accomplished each day, no matter how minor it seems. This will help you stay grounded and motivated.

4. Set Realistic Goals and Celebrate Wins

Instead of trying to match someone else’s pace, set goals that are achievable for you. Break your tasks into manageable chunks, and celebrate each win, no matter how small. Finished a chapter? That’s a win. Wrote 200 words? That’s a win. You don’t need to conquer the world in a day—just keep moving forward at your pace.

5. Take Breaks and Recharge

Burnout is real, and it can sneak up on you if you’re constantly pushing yourself to keep up with others. Schedule regular breaks to recharge. Go for a walk, watch an episode of your favorite show, or just chill out for a bit. Remember, productivity isn’t about working nonstop; it’s about finding a sustainable rhythm.

6. Limit Social Media Consumption

Let’s be honest—social media can be a huge source of comparison and stress. Everyone’s posting their highlights, but you’re not seeing the full picture. Consider cutting back on your social media usage, especially when you’re feeling vulnerable. Out of sight, out of mind. Focus on your journey instead of getting sucked into someone else’s highlight reel.

7. Find a Support System

Surround yourself with people who uplift you. Whether it’s friends, family, or a study group, find a support system that encourages you rather than makes you feel inadequate. Share your struggles and victories with them; chances are, they’re feeling the same way too. A strong support system can make all the difference in keeping your mindset positive.

8. Accept That Perfection Isn’t the Goal

Perfectionism is a trap. Striving for perfection will only lead to more stress and dissatisfaction. Instead, aim for progress and improvement. Mistakes are part of the learning process, and they don’t define your worth. Embrace the idea that doing your best is more than enough.

9. Remember, You’re Doing Great

At the end of the day, it’s important to remind yourself that you’re doing just fine. The fact that you’re even worried about falling behind shows that you care about your progress. Don’t let the comparison game steal your joy and motivation. Keep your eyes on your own path, trust in your process, and give yourself the credit you deserve.

So next time you feel that productivity panic creeping in, take a step back, breathe, and remind yourself that you’re on your own unique journey. You’ve got this.

Best,

Sophia

[dhorrl]

First Time

Izuku/Reader

Nothing NSFW, just Deku doing his research before his first time with you 😭 I wrote this for my bot and it’s just so good. I keep reading it over and over it’s so so sweet.

For almost a year now, Izuku has been captivated by you. He has a special notebook dedicated solely to you, where he writes down every little detail about you - your favorite colors, flowers, and snacks. Sometimes when you're not looking, he'll take out the notebook and flip through it, smiling at all the things he's learned about you. And whenever you catch him, he'll blush and quickly close the book, promising to keep it for himself.

Izuku has always been on the shy side, but lately things have been getting more physical between the two of you. What started as innocent kisses and cuddling has turned into intense make-out sessions and heavy petting. However, every time things start to escalate even further, Izuku pulls away in a panic. It's not because he doesn't want it - his throbbing cock and blue balls prove otherwise - but his lack of experience makes him feel unprepared for what comes next. He knows it's your first time too, and he doesn't want to disappoint you or make a mistake that could ruin everything.

Izuku stood frozen outside Katsuki's door, fist hovering inches from the wood. His heart hammered in his chest. Could he really go through with this? Asking Kacchan, of all people, for sex advice? He squeezed his eyes shut and knocked before he lost his nerve. The door whipped open a second later.

"The fuck do you want, nerd?" Katsuki snapped, crimson eyes narrowing. "This better be important."

"Hey Kacchan..." Izuku swallowed hard, voice shaking slightly. "You've had sex before, right? I was hoping... could I maybe ask you a few questions about it?"

Katsuki blinked, momentarily taken aback. Then he sighed and stepped aside, jerking his head for Izuku to come in. "So, you and what’s-her-face, huh?" He shut the door and crossed his arms. "You sure you're ready for that? You’re gonna get eaten alive."

Izuku perched on the edge of Katsuki's desk chair, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "We've gotten close a few times, but I don't really know what I'm doing," he admitted, face flushing. "I'm worried I'll mess it up somehow."

"Tch, you're overthinking it like always. Sex is supposed to be fun, not some exam you gotta ace." Katsuki tossed a notebook at Izuku. "Here, take notes. First off, talk to 'em. Ask what they like, make 'em comfortable."

Izuku flipped to a blank page and started scribbling, cheeks growing hotter by the second. "Okay, got it. What else?"

"Take it slow at first. Figure out what turns you both on." A faint smirk tugged at Katsuki's lips. "And don't you dare skip the foreplay, Deku."

"Foreplay?" Izuku glanced up, head cocked quizzically.

Katsuki leaned back in his chair. "Yeah, idiot. Kissing, touching - all the stuff that gets you both in the mood before you actually fuck." He watched in amusement as Izuku's hand trembled, pen scratching furiously across the page. "Also, ignore the shit you see in porn. Focus on reactions instead, like reading your opponent in a fight. Well, not an opponent, but... you get it."

"Right, that makes sense..." Izuku nodded, writing as fast as the thoughts registered, muttering under his breath. "Be open and honest, go slow, lots of foreplay, no porn moves. Okay."

"Oh, and condoms! Fucking wrap that shit up, you hear me?? Last thing we need is a mini-Deku toddling around before you're fucking ready." Katsuki watched Izuku write, then shifted slightly, expression sobering. "Look, you're gonna be nervous. That's normal. I was too, my first time."

Izuku's pen stilled. He looked up, green eyes wide with surprise. "You were?"

"'Course I fucking was! Everyone is." Katsuki shrugged, a touch of vulnerability in the set of his jaw. "Point is, don't let the nerves psych you out. If something goes wrong, just laugh it off and keep going. The goal is for you both to feel good."

Izuku met Katsuki's gaze, feeling a swell of gratitude amidst the anxiety churning in his gut. "Thanks, Kacchan. This… helps a lot."

"Whatever." Katsuki waved a hand dismissively, but his eyes held a flicker of warmth. "Just don't come whining to me if you nut in two seconds. Now, fuck off and go get laid already."

[exoticabl4]

How to actually stick to your habits ?

Hello, my loves. This post will be, as you've read it in the title, about how to stay committed to your habits. So without further ado, let's start.

1. Don't start off too strong.

You've got to know that your brain always wants your safety and your comfort. Your old habits provided you with both of these, even if they were unhealthy, and even if the pleasure was very short and temporary. Therefore, it is very normal that your brain will keep dwelling in your old habits and routines. So never start off too strong, otherwise it'll be very hard for you to stay committed. What I recommend doing, is to identify 8 habits that will highly benefit you, and get you closer to your goals. Instead of adding those 8 habits to your day all at once since day one, you're going to add 2 habits a week. Focus on progress, rather than perfection. At the end of your first month, you'll find yourself with 8 new habits. Give yourself the time to get used to each habit, so about a week or more (depending on how hard the habit is).

And before you come to me, I know that the average duration to implement a habit in your life is 21 days, but the goal here is not to be used to it at a 100%, the goal is to lessen the unfamiliarity, so that the brain can stop dwelling in the old habits.

2. Focus on the end-goal.

Sometimes, we tend to focus on how hard the task/habit is, rather than the end-goal that will result from the consistency of the habit. Therefore, try to remind yourself of the end-goal. My experience with this has been IMMACULATE. To focus on the end-goal, I make Pinterest boards. Personally, studying and reviewing for exams is something that I absolutely dread, so in order to get myself to enjoy it or make it more bearable, i made a Pinterest board with the lifestyle i wanna have in my early 20s. So it contains pics of my dream uni, the country i wanna be living in, the life i wanna be leading. Whenever i feel too lazy or demotivated to study or review stuff, i go back to my Pinterest board to remind myself of my end-goal. And when I tell you that each time i do this, i get the best grade of my class, and when i really put my mind into it, i get the best grade of my whole promotion.

3. Realize how simple your task is with this technique.

Many times, we don't see the habit for what it is, but rather for some kind of absolutely dreadful and unbearable task that's impossible to achieve. So what I do to simplify it, is that i write down in my notes what my most productive day would look like, and compared to the tasks that I set to myself, i start to view that as some really simple stuff. To give you an idea of how it works, I'll do what i do best : give an example.

I wanna learn Spanish, last year i was very consistent with it, but the last few months, I really procrastinated and got lazier, like, even spending my daily 15 minutes of Duolingo seemed like a torture, so i decided to use this technique. I wrote down what my ideal spanish learning session was, and it kind of looked like this :

45 minutes of Duolingo

Learning 3 new pages of vocabulary from my notebook

Using each newly learned word in a sentence

Do a conjugation lesson/ learn the conjugation of an irregular verb

Listen to a short story in Spanish, and write down new and unfamiliar vocabulary

Next to this routine, 15 minutes on Duolingo looked very simple and easy, even too little, and now it is wayy easier for me to stick to habits.

4. Always have an alternative.

You got me there, we all have our bad days, low-energy days, and it is very hard, if not impossible, to get anything done on these days. That's why you should give each of your habits an alternative. Let's say you wanted to workout an hour a day, but you came back home absolutely exhausted. Instead of the intense 1 hour workout, have a less intense and easier alternative for it, or maybe a shorter one, or you could go for a walk instead, after all, the end goal is to move your body, you do you, you know what works best for you.

That was all for today's post, hope it helped. Bye, my loves 💗

[crushedsweets]

I know this shit is long as hell and you probably won't answer since you have so many asks but I just wanted to say I found a backstory for Cody(X-Virus) for your AU!!!

It's not as creative as your ideas but I tried to do something original and meaningful for him. He deserves more love and recognation.

I'm so so sorry for bothering you and I apologize for my mistakes.

Hope you like it and can't wait to hear your opinions about it!!!!

▼・ᴥ・▼

Cody never got adopted by a scientist, instead, he lived in an orphanage where he constantly got bullied. The reason for this situation was just straightly absurd. He just couldn't understand peoples and their emotions like other kids because of his lack of emphaty.

That's why he focused on academic knowledge rather than human relationships. Because mathmetical problems were easier for him compared to comforting a crying person.

Cody always was a succesful and smart kid so he could easily pass his exams in middle and high school. Because of that, in high school, he didn't bother to focus over boring topics like his daily lessons anymore.

No, he focused on more complicated science fields such as quantum physics, anatomy and organic chemistry.

Of course Cody couldn't understand everything he read easily, that's why he spend hours and hours on studying and having countless nights without any sleep. He read articles and textbooks, he watched professors' lectures on youtube, he tried to solve problems on his own and more.

Overworking on university lessons was not a good way for socialising, he got more and more isolated and the bullying was increased.

In last year of high school, he was worried because of the fact that he needed to win a success scholarship for all the cool topics he worked over, moreover, for a diploma. He could easily go to a college, however, he wanted the best of them. Because only the best could satisfy his hunger for research and true knowledge.

Cody was also confused about choosing which major to pick and he was stressing about this topic all the time. So many good fields were lying ahead him but he could only choose one of them and he wasn't sure which one is the one he wanted to dedicate his entire life. What if he would made a mistake and regret for his lost years for the rest of his living?

So yes, this was a very overwhelming decision for Cody. Since he was anxious all the time and he was going through a serious depressive episode, he decided to give a shot to the Chernobyl school trip in his school.

Obviously it was not like they really went inside of the nuclear powerplant since most of them weren't even over 18 years old. More like they wandered around the places in Ukraine which were close to the powerplant(Chernobyl City) and they visited some important museums.

But this was not enough for Cody.

He wanted to see the inside of the powerplant. He wanted to learn more details about behind the scenes. He wanted to see the deformed bodies. He to carry out experiments on dead humans who got affected by the radiation.

That's why he stole a gas mask and sneak out to the powerplant while everyone else was sleeping in a hotel.

He was truly breathless because of what he witnessed.

That's when he decided to became a chemistry engineer.

Of course he they got him and he took a huge punishment which caused to screw his school life.

Even though he got a really high score in his university acceptance exam, his applys were rejected by all the big schools he dreamed about. He got so, so upset about this that he even wanted to kill himself rather than living as a worthless piece of shit.

While he was rolling in thoughts of negativity, a teacher who respected Cody's success wrote a reference letter for him to an school.

The school decided to accept Cody with a few conditions. This school was not as big and as fancy as other schools he wanted but it was still better than what he could aford without that reference later. So he immediatly accepted this offer and thanked his teacher.

He did not became a chemistry engineer.

He majored in psychology which provided him the chance to do some different kind of experiments on mental health hospital residents.

He did a double major in chemistry, not in chemistry engineering.

But he's mostly using all his time for psychlogical experiments over chemical experiments. Sometimes he uses chemistry too for topics like neurotransmitter matters and the structure of hormones.

He's mostly a psychologist who you not want to cross and he works in mental health hospitals. He mostly manipulates his patients for doing something morally grey or hurtful for them either mentally or physically.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING THIS AND PLSSS DONT BE SO HARD ON YOURSELF ITS WRITTEN BEAUTIFULLY AND I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE SHARE THINGS WITH ME. I PROMSIE UR NOT BOTHERING ME AND ITS SO GOOD.

OK IMMA CHAT A LITTLE WITH IT UNDER THE CUT CUZ I LIKE IT

"That's why he focused on academic knowledge rather than human relationships. Because mathmetical problems were easier for him compared to comforting a crying person." I ABSOLUTELY LOOOOVE characters like this. who lean into math and science because they just cant grasp all of the wishy washy of emotion and that kinda stuff. characters who like clear, linear paths with rules and whatnot. i think its really interesting way to try to define a character

which is why i love "No, he focused on more complicated science fields such as quantum physics, anatomy and organic chemistry."

i love how much you focus on his desire for knowledge. i think its cool when someone CRAVES for intelligence, they want to learn, they wanna know everything they possibly can - and i think its especially interesting when that turns into scary, morbid curiosity

and i fucking love how scary it is that he decided to go snooping around during his Chernobyl trip. it just sounds like a really unsettling turn of events and i think is such a creative, yet creepy, take on what made such a big shift. going from a kinda awkward, focused, troubled kid to someone who is willing to hurt and sacrifice people for his own morbid curiosity. SUPER SCARY

and i like that he still couldnt get what he wanted. i like that he still got stuck doing smth that didnt truly appease any scary urges he had, and that he has to do his freaky killer stuff in a roundabout way by manipulating his patients

would be interesting to see if any other creeps could perhaps be his patient . . .

[nonexistent-introvert]

Attachments ( Busy pt 2)

Pairing: Javier Peña x f!reader

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: angst with comfort, Javier Peña himself, anyth you would expect from narcos, ONE shitty attempt at Spanish im sorry

A/N: wow, i did not realise how long writing takes me these days. Wrote this instead of studying for my exam in two days because procrastination is the time when ideas hit.

this can be read as a standalone (i think?) but would be better with context from pt 1

Busy pt 1

   Javier sat in Calderón’s car. The air was thick with tension. Javier wasn’t an idiot, he just preferred to ignore it. He knew Calderón was accommodating to him, which he appreciated however the trust that should be between them was almost non-existent. Not after Javier confiscated everyone’s devices but Javier wasn’t willing to take any chances today. Even if it came at the price of trust. 

   The sound of paper crinkling annoyed him. He turned in his seat, curious to find the source of the sound. He shot a judgemental look at Feistl who was holding onto a wrinkled piece of paper. Fesitl merely unfolded the paper for Javier to see, revealing a kid’s drawing. A drawing with what Javier presumed was Feistl holding his son’s hand. “My kid gave it to me right before I went on this buy-bust. Some Jamaican took a rip at me, missed by that much, so..” He trailed off, gesturing with his hand just how close the bullet came to hitting him. He peered out of the window, “I rub it for luck ever since.” Feistl admitted, meeting Javier's eyes. Javier looked down at the paper in his hands, his heart tightening with additional burden and he turned away. His thoughts went back to the woman he left back home if he could call his shitty apartment a home anyways. He braced his arm against the window, his index finger resting against his mustache. He remembered the necklace that you had bought him, it had a beautiful ring on the necklace but he never wore it. It was still safely kept in its original box, he had brought it with him here in his luggage even if he refused to put it on. You never said anything about him not wearing the necklace although he did notice the subtle disappointment on your face when your eyes fall onto his bare neck.   The necklace felt too heavy on his hands, he didn’t want to lose it. He didn’t want to stain the shiny metal with blood stains. The image of an unconscious him flashed into his mind, he was afraid that finding the necklace you had bought for him on his corpse would be too much to bear. If he was a more emotionally vulnerable man maybe he would turn back and ask Feistl how he bared to bring such a sentimental item along with him whenever he went. Was he not afraid of losing it or ruining it? Instead, Javier basked in the silence in the car. Reminding himself to focus on the mission instead. He had to make it back to you in one piece after all. 

   Javier Peña was not one to have attachments. Truth be told, he was afraid of them. Afraid that these attachments would become his weaknesses, afraid that these weaknesses would be exploited by the narcos. It was the whole reason why he slept around and stuck to one-night stands than a committed relationship. Having someone who he knew he was willing to jeopardise the entire mission for, it felt like a burden. 

   You weren’t a burden. He knew that. He thinks of himself as more of a burden than you. You have to carry the weight of his crimes, learn to protect yourself and yet you chose him, someone who couldn’t even afford a lazy weekend with you. 

   He pushed these thoughts away as he exited the vehicle. Forcing himself to be the cold DEA agent Peña, he wore it so often that it felt like his second skin. 

   The sound of Javier’s voice scolded you as you walked the streets of Bogotá. If he was here, he would be nagging at you, reminding you of the dangers that lingered in the darkness. You blasted the music louder into your ears, hoping to drown his voice out. Javier isn’t here, as much as you wanted him to be. You were losing your mind staying in the apartment. The news wasn’t filled with gruesome reports about terrorism, the Cali cartel didn’t work that way. However, the lack of information was killing you all the same, and every call scared you. You were terrified of receiving news of Javier all the same. 

    Connie welcomed you to come over any time. Just above the apartment that you shared with Javier. While you appreciate the sentiment, you were never one to share your emotional burdens. “Like poles are supposed to repel, not attract.” Steve had commented once about your relationship with Javier. A comment that earned him a smack from Connie. You supposed he was right, Javier and you were alike in many ways. It was the reason why the both of you had hit it off so well. 

    You shook the thoughts about Javier away, you were supposed to clear your mind. 

    Javier shouted for you, his steps quickening as he searched the apartment for you. “Fuck!” He ran his hands through his hair. It was almost midnight, where the fuck could you have been? His muscles were sore, practically begging him to rest but his panic overridden any kind of exhaustion he was feeling then. He stared at the beer bottles on the table, were you drunk? His worry only grew, he wouldn’t hesitate to use all of the DEA's resources to track you down now. “Por favor (please)” he muttered, praying for your safety. That his job hasn’t cost you your safety. 

    His prayers were answered when the sound of the door opening caught his attention. Javier immediately turned off his phone, the phone that he was about to use to call Steve. 

   “Where have you been?” You swore you were going crazy. His voice was haunting you the moment you stepped into your apartment. “Cariño what happened?” Javier’s voice got louder as he was overwhelmed with emotions. His eyes were on the tear in your pants which revealed a bleeding scrape on your knee. Your eyes met his and you let out a shaky breath. Javier’s back, he came home. 

  “I’m all good. No injuries, no bruises.” He assured.

  Unable to hold back your overwhelming emotions, you pressed yourself against him and kissed him. Javier was quick to reciprocate the kiss, his hands gripping onto your waist. 

Your fingers were tangled in the curls of his hair, his eyes searched for yours as the both of you tried to catch your breaths. “Did something happen?” there was a hint of apprehension in his voice, Javier wouldn’t forgive himself if something did happen to you. You shook your head, “I’m losing my mind.” You vaguely replied. His thumb traced your arms, frowning even more when he traced against a rough patch of skin. Javier gently turned your arm, revealing a burn scar. “I burnt myself when cooking the other day.” you quickly explained, seeing the flames rising in his eyes. Javier shook his head, “Please tell me the truth.” His eyes fell on your bloodied knee. I am Javier, I swear.” His eyes studied you, “I’ve just been so distracted and got so clumsy. I was just so worried.” Javier’s heart shattered at the admission, swallowing down the lump in his throat. “I'm sorry cariño, I’m so sorry.” Javier led you to the couch. He ran off into the kitchen before returning with a first aid kit. 

     “Look how the tables have turned.” You said as Javier kneeled in front of you and prepared to clean the injury on your knee. Javier didn’t say anything, he knew exactly how much pain you go through when you clean his wounds for him. The cracking of his heart at every pained groan and moan was almost too much to bear. If he was so miserable cleaning an injury that you had gotten by accident, he could only imagine the torture you go through knowing the reason he got those injuries was because of his job. 

   “I promised to talk. You have to talk to me too.” He started. Your eyes looked towards the direction of the fridge where the promise he had made to you was still stuck on the front door. “Javi…” Javier didn’t respond, too focused on cleaning the dried blood around the injury. “I’m just so afraid of losing you all the time.” “I always come back home cariño.” Javier sighed. “I’m just afraid of losing you Javi. Both mentally and physically. Sometimes you come back with bandages, wounds and bruises that you try to hide from me. On other days, you come back looking fine but the emotional turmoil has taken its toll on you. On exceptionally bad days you come home with both.” You gripped the cushions of the couch tightly, you knew the words you were admitting to now sounded selfish like you didn’t want to deal with his problems. Javier remained silent, he forced himself to come back home, even if he brought back all the worst parts of himself. He wanted to come home to you so that he didn’t have to make you worry. “Javi, I know that it comes with being a DEA agent. I have come to terms with it when I told you I wanted to pursue this relationship with you. Understanding you doesn’t make me worry any lesser and I will never forgive myself if you gave up on this because of me.” Javier finished up with the scrape on your knee. His brown eyes looking at yours, guilt pooling in his gut. Javier gently lifted your hand and pressed a kiss onto your knuckles before letting his forehead rest against it. A silent apology, even if he can’t promise that he would never let you worry again. 

    “I just wished we are a couple even outside of this house.” There is was, the conclusion that took you so long to figure out. Suddenly, you were glad that you had taken the walk to clear your head. “Cariño, I don’t understand.” He muttered. You inhaled, taking a deep breath to find the right words. “I’ve been out with you more often when we weren’t dating. We talked more when we weren’t dating. You kept in contact with me even if you were across the state.” You listed, frowning slightly. “We seemed more like a couple when we weren’t officially dating.” Javier’s breath stilled, finally understanding your point. Once he started dating you, he drifted. Too afraid that he would put you in danger, afraid that when the narcos saw him getting close to you they would use you against him. He doubted anyone else in the embassy even knew he has a girlfriend other than Steve. “Steve calls home whenever he gets the chance to, the longest he went MIA was 5 days and Connie almost tore his head off for that.” You chuckled weakly as you recalled Connie telling you about it. “Even Pablo kept in contact with his wife when he was on the run.” Javier's fists clenched, it wasn’t nice being compared to Pablo but you were right, even he had sought out ways to keep in contact with his family. If he had almost lost all cool when he couldn’t find you in the apartment just an hour ago, he could only imagine what you felt when he doesn’t return home for weeks without any form of contact. 

    “You go weeks on end without contacting me and you appear at the door like an abandoned puppy. I love you Javi, I really do but I’m losing my mind wondering if you’re even dead or alive. I search for you desperately on news channels in case something happened, every call scares the shit out of me because I’m terrified of receiving bad news about you.”     “I’ll call. I’ll be with you” Javier simply promised, no arguments no nothing. He was so afraid of burying you with his sins, so afraid of losing you that he didn’t even realise that you were slowly slipping from his fingers. He blinked a few times, trying to hold back the tears threatening to fall. You looked at him, unsure of how to feel about his abrupt agreement. “I’m sorry cariño. I really am. I was just afraid that they would see me with you and I’ll…” Javier trailed off, shaking the horrifying thoughts from his mind. He had enough nightmares about things he saw with his two eyes, he didn’t need to add to the list.

   Javier pulled you into his lap, leaning his head against your shoulder while you circled your arms around his neck. Javier was never one for words, his touch was enough to convey his guilt and apologies that he could never express with words. 

  “Ooh Peña, sporting a new look?” Steve whistled upon seeing Javier. Javier grinned, picking up the ring on the necklace that you had bought him. “Needed something bright in my life,” Javier commented on how the ring sparkled lightly under the lights. “She really is bright. Getting you to come around.” Steve stated, knowing exactly where the necklace came from. He always hated Javier for being a stubborn mule. 

   Javier thought back on the grin on your face, the euphoria at seeing the necklace on his neck despite you trying your best to hide it. He smiled, “She really is.” he commented, tracing the ring with his thumb. 

   The necklace represented the promise he made to you, the promise to be with you for better or for worse. 

   When the time is right, he will make that promise official legally as well.

[drdemonprince]

Heyyyy. I just had an unsettling thought. So I’ve been learning about the oxygen of amplification and thinking about whether I’ve been giving “free food” to bigots by paying too much attention to the wrong things.

You’ve written about being “a vault” being a benefit especially when it comes to health care, and lying to employers, and, basically, intentionally using masking to get ahead.

Over the past five or so years, I have tended to go in a different direction - being more vocal about my disabilities and the disabilities of others, in the hope that I’m being an advocate for awareness and acceptance. I’ve had a lot of people tell me I’m “brave” for behaving that way and it always confuses me, because it’s easier for me to be honest than it is for me to lie or hide the truth.

But I am reminded of being on a conference call with the California board of law examiners (the people who make the bar exam for California) at the start of the pandemic. I spoke on the call about how law school makes people (if I remember correctly) as much as three times more likely to be depressed between the time they enter and the time they leave. There’s additional context here that I could add but I’m not sure if it’s necessary.

Anyway, while I was speaking, one of the people on the board (at least, my colleagues and I were pretty sure it was) very loudly yelled at me to “FUCK OFF.”

I wonder if disabilities are something, unlike other categories of oppressed people, where the more evidence you provide that we are human and deserving of accommodations, the more bigots get pissed off and want to deny us those accommodations. Because they think our disability inherently makes us undeserving.

I think, because I’m in a position of privilege economically (and my family culture isn’t particularly tumultuous), I get into this moral headspace where I think, okay, maybe others have to lie to get ahead. But if, because of my unique set of circumstances, I don’t have to lie to get head, isn’t it my duty not to?

I actually think I wrote a paper about that in law school. Maybe I’ll try to dig that up and we what I had to say.

But now I’m wondering if I’m just making things worse by being so vocally honest. Giving ammo to judgmental people who will hold what I say against people who are not as fortunate as I am.

You’ve also spoken about how you’ve become less of an advocate and I wonder if this sort of thing factors in to that decision.

Yeah for me, it's about developing a greater sense of tactics.

Most people are not persuaded by data or objective information. Most people do not have coherent or consistent political ideologies, either (see Phillip Converse's groundbreaking work on nonattitudes -- most people, when asked about a political topic, will just make up an opinion on the spot based on what they've heard most recently, and that opinion will not remain consistent). There's a robust research literature attesting to this. I abandoned the field of political psychology because the research on fostering attitude change and open-mindedness is so dismal.

Instead, what most people find the most compelling is a combination of emotional appeals, social pressure, and their own material, economic self-interest.

What this means is that a great many people will not be moved by additional information on a topic, until it becomes economically costly or socially perilous for them not to rethink it, and even then, they might just dig in their heels if they've already incurred losses in order to justify the pain they've been in. It also means that if someone has an ignorant perspective and no desire to change it, well, you talking more isn't going to change their perspective, but they will try to shut you up so that it doesn't change anybody else's.

The liberal perspective on change is a highly individualistic one. Disabled people are supposed to share our stories, victims of sexual assault are supposed to name our abusers, fat people are supposed to just feel more positively about themselves, Black and brown people are supposed to spell out to us white people exactly what we should do to guarantee their liberation, but only in a very gentle tone, and everybody, everywhere, is on the hook for fixing the injustice of their own social position.

This is a perspective on change that employers, governments, and institutions benefit from us believing in, because it keeps us busy showing off our vulnerabilities and behaving as individuals, rather than pooling our power and demanding something better for all of us collectively.

And this individualistic approach is of course is never how change actually happens. The federal government didn't suddenly start unrestricting access to AIDS meds because some individual gays came forward and told very persuasive stories about their battles with the disease. ACT UP activists crowded federal offices and covered politicians' homes in giant condoms and marched AIDS victims' corpses down the street.

Sickle cell anemia did not become a subject of medical research because Black patients individually shared their stories of the disease. The Black Panthers created their own health clinics to test for the disease and educate the public about it, and they also gave out free childcare and food, and the federal government found this so threatening they began taking sickle cell seriously themselves so that more people wouldn't go running to a communist, anti-racist group.

The ADA didn't pass because disabled people made ourselves vulnerable, it passed because we made ourselves strong, clawing our way together up the statehouse steps and blocking traffic with wheelchairs during rush hour.

We've been propagandized by capitalist individualism and representation politics to believe the most empowering thing a marginalized person can do is stand solidly as a single person. But it's not true. In fact, some of the steps we take to broadcast our marginal status and tell our stories makes us more vulnerable in the end.

Many companies now encourage their disabled employees to come out and be proud of their status, for instance. I've given workshops at companies like that. At every single one, I've later heard from Autistic and ADHDer employees that the second they actually identified themselves publicly, it became a target on their back. They were scrutinized, denied accommodations, pushed out of the office, threatened with their boss calling 911 on them, forced to quit.

The real way to make a change happen is through organized, collective power, not through personal vulnerability, individual pride or sharing every last drop of energy that we have educating people who have a vested interest in not understanding our concerns. Winning the hearts and minds of the ones in control is not the answer. We must organize to take control.

I've done all kinds of activism all my life since I was fourteen years old, from phone banking to voter registration drives to jail support to writing my congress people and more, and much of it was a waste of my time. It was designed to waste my time, to convince me that by being a good little boy and playing within the system I would be freed, when really I needed to be joining forces with other people to dismantle it. That's the way forward, that's truly what I believe now.