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thebestofoneshots · 11 months

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WOLFSTAR X READER SERIES

Gilded Constellations | THE INTERLUDE

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Summary: You meet Sirius and Regulus at a family vacation in the Caribbean, but things don't go as planned and you end up losing contact once the trip is over. Years later your family moves to England and you get accepted at Hogwarts where you finally meet Sirius once again, along with all of his friends. One of them with a mysterious secret, that you'll uncover as you embark on your own Hogwarts adventure. This IS a wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it.

Hey Lovelies, welcome to “The Interlude�� of Gilded Constellations. We’ve basically already gotten to 100 k words in this story and that’s absolutely insane!!! Which is why I thought of doing a little thing where I could interact with my readers. As a thank you for being there and supporting me so much through this journey.

And so… this little Q&A was born. Those who didn't get to ask their questions, don’t worry my darlings, my ask will be open all week for you to ask whatever you want. It’s a mini event that will last from today ‘till next wednesday.

But yes, it does mean this week we won’t get a new chapter D:

Don’t worry, it will definitely be worth it since the next couple of episodes are two that I’ve put absolute extra care on crafting, and I will put just as much care on revising. I’ve been quite literally posting non stop for 15 weeks consecutively. That’s almost 4 months, what?!?!

I needed my tiny lil break, besides I wanted to dedicate this bit of time to work on my Maraudween Special smutty series that will include some interesting mini AUs, so those that read my other stuff and not just Gilded Constellations will be quite literally treated this Halloween. There will be a lot of posts these next few weeks. Although, I might be releasing some of the Maraudween stories at the beginning of November. Unfortunately, I’m not a machine and I can’t write in seconds like Chat GPT.

Without further ado, let’s get on with those questions!

Where did you get the inspo for the fic?

Oh my god if I tell you guys about this… It all started when I was in class, sometimes when I’m bored, my little mind starts to wander. I’m a total daydreamer, I can’t deny that, but at that moment in particular I was quite literally thinking of nothing and everything at the same time. And then, out of nowhere, this phrase came to me:

“You look at them the same way you looked at me when we met…”

And I was like, “omg that’s so freaking angsty” and “That’s a great freaking line for a poly story” And I quite literally wrote it down with a little tag that said, “-the start of a poly relationship story because I’ve never read enough of those.”

And then I closed the notebook and went back to class. But I guess the idea had already set in my brain because next thing I know, I’m writing down more things down. And let me tell you, before Gilded Constellations I only wrote Oneshots because a story seemed like too much commitment. So I kid you not, I wrote down:

“Not a short story, but maybe a 3-5 chapter long fic”.

Jokes on me though, we’re 15 chapters in, like 20-something written and we’re probably going to end up with longer than 200k words and I’m not even sorry about it. Besides, I'm really pumped to finish it because I want to get it printed in Lulu and have my own little copy as a “Damn you wrote that.” kind of evidence thing. So worry not about being left with an unfinished fic, I’m going to complete this story even if it’s the last thing I do.

Besides, if I’m being honest, when I’m not writing, I miss my boys, so I’ll definitely miss passing the time with them when I’m done with GC. (Luckily I’ve already got another series planned and spoiler alert: This one will be Poly!Marauders x reader, a lot spicier aaaand, PIRATES.)

That’s how the fic started, well that and a dream that was basically most of Chapter 3 and I thought it was so cute that I wrote it down and then I was like, “hold up, this could be the start of the Poly story I was talking about…”

Are there any real-life experiences that influenced your writing?

Well I mean, I’d say that art imitates life and life imitates art, but in regards to real-life romance I don’t really know that much. But there are definitely some things here and there that have been sprinkled from my real life into the fic. Not sure if I could think of a particular one but I can say sometimes Remus gives me the same vibe that a boy I “used to” have a crush on. “Used to” in quotation marks because I kinda still do even if we haven’t seen each other in years.

So I guess a lot of Remus comes from my crush, but also Remus is his own little boy as well and I love him more for it. Even If I’m torturing him so much with his heartache, I promise it will be worth it Remus, reader and Sirius will take care of you, eventually.

Other than that, I guess I like to pay attention to things around me, you’ll see me looking at nature, the sky, the way leaves move, the way people interact with each other. Especially at that actually, I like to pay attention to people, how they move, how they interact, and their reactions. Sometimes I do it irl, and sometimes I just watch movies or series, and since my writing process is like seeing a movie in my head and then putting it into words, it’s always useful to pay attention to the world around me. Even if I sometimes struggle to put into words exactly what I’m seeing in my head.

Did you already have everything planned, or did you just go with the flow? If you have already, how far? all of it? Or just some chapters ahead?

Well, yes and no. I do have various key points of the story planned, a lot of plot points that are going to happen and that’s kinda what I’m sustaining myself on. I know the big points and then I just have to write what happens in between them. And I’ve got it planned all the way ‘till my babes all start dating. After that, if I’m honest I’m not sure how I’m going to end it. Some parts of me want to go for the saddest ending possible because it would go along with cannon and the other side of me, the one that can’t bear to see my boys being sad, wants to just deviate completely and/or leave an open ending.

But so far, I really cannot tell what exactly I’m going to do, I just know that time will tell. Because sometimes the characters just do what they want and I love to see where they take me. Which is why the ending is not set in stone just yet.

Without giving too many spoilers, can you tease upcoming plot twists or surprises we can expect in future chapters?

My sly little foxes have already guessed some of the major plot twists that are upcoming in the story. And there definitely will come some surprises along the way, some you will love, some you won’t so much. But I promise you it will all be worth it!

Remember in Gilded Constellations, everything happens for a reason.

THE FANCAST

What's your fancast for the fic? Did you pick the reader too or just leave it be? // I wanted to know if you have a fancast for everyone…

I did mention that I basically see stuff as a movie in my head right? So yes, I do have a fancast! Although I most definitely see James as Aaron, Sirius as Ben, Remus as Andrew and Peter as Dane, I have also twisted them in my brain. Like it’s them, right? But my version of them. Like my Sirius is so fucking ethereal in my head that sometimes I myself blush with his beauty. And Remus, well, he is probably most similar to Talita Asami’s from instagram. Especially this one.

There’s something about the way she contrasts his soft features with the scars that’s just perfect. It’s that sexy pirate vibe I cannot get out of my head, if that makes sense. But also I’ve been toying with AI lately (Talkie) and ended up with these two versions of Remus and Sirius and they have absolutely taken over.

Sidenote: I made way to many of these, so do tell me if you wanna see them.

The reader: Uhm… well, I kind of just see her as me, hehe. Which is kind of the point, you should all just see the reader as yourselves, if you’re comfortable with that of course.

The rest of our babies though? Lily Evans, Marlene and Mary, are kind of like the boys as in I see them as their fancast but also not entirely. And Lily especially, she’s just so freaking pretty in my head, there’s no one I know to match her, all thought Sophie Skelton and Kennedy Walsh (@/c4tluvr666 on Tiktok) are super close.

Now, outside of canon characters, aka all of these OC’s I’ve been creating with time, some of them do have a fancast and some of them don’t. Let’s focus on the ones that do, because some of them I literally had in my head since the very, very beginning of the fic.

Tom Harrow- This boy actually started as a younger version of Tom Hiddleston in my head, but the more I wrote him, the more he said, “Luv, that’s not what I look like!” And, almost out of nowhere, baby Tom Hiddleston became Rober Sheehan, and let me tell you, it stuck. And it stuck so bad there is no way I could see Tom as anything other than Rob. Especially with his role as Klaus in Umbrella Academy having a rather similar personality in the entire open-minded spectrum that he’s got going on. And, talking about teasers, this boy is actually going to be a key point on the romance between our golden throuple to develop, so keep an eye out for him. I love him so much tbh.

Then we’ve got Beth Doxon, this girl is my wifey, I freaking love Beth so much and if you’ve been paying attention you may already know who I based her off, at least in looks. It’s Anya Taylor Joy as Beth Harmon in Queen’s Gambit, redhead queen (can you tell I really, really like redheads?) . Also that’s why she has such a strong character, even if my Beth is a lot more of a Party Animal than the original character.

Alexander Wood in my head is just a carbon copy of his son Oliver, but in Hufflepuff, and the rest of the Quidditch teams, I’ve got a good idea of what they look like in my head, but not really a fan cast for them. Suggestions accepted.

Well, except for Minho Yun, since his role in the story is going to be as a pretty strong supporting character, in fact, he was meant to be somewhat of an alt love interest that was going to help build Sirius’ jealousy, but in the end, I decided to completely scrap that to further develop him as a character. Some interesting things that you’ll actually learn on the GC Halloween special. Oh, and Minho is actually based on Sang Heon Lee (on looks) and Ki Hong Lee (on character, specifically on his role in Maze Runner). Had I based Minho on the character of Sang Heon Lee who inspired him, we would have way too many slutty boys in the same room, with Tom and Sirius and him, It’d be chaos, which is why he ended up being a little shier.

Nox, Neil and Todd, literally are just Nox, Neil and Tod from De*d Poets Society. I was rewatching the movie to nail that boy friend group interactions and to get in the Dark Academia Vibes and I wanted to give my boys a happy ending.

Also Neil just gives me the most massive Prongs vibe I cannot.

And lastly, there’s Nina Blythe. Nina to me is a totally angelic girl, I’ve got a very vivid picture of what she looks like in my head but I don’t really have a fancast for her. Maybe a little bit like Aurora (the singer), in regards to her soft features, but Nina has longer hair and it’s a little wavy. I kind of think of her as a girl from a Renaissance painting, emphasis on girl, since she is supposed to look younger than she is. Any ideas for a fancast? For her and for anyone I missed, I’m completely open to your suggestions.

THE TEACHERS

Professor Nightshade is definitely Eva Green from Miss Peregrine or Jessica Chastain from Crimson Peak. She’s got that tall, regal and dark but elegant vibe to her that is just so freaking gorgeous and awe-inspiring. I totally have a crush on Seraphina, can you tell?

Professor Aurelius Spellman is kind of inspired by Kingsley Shackelbolt. However, if I had to cast someone for the role it would be Djimon Hounsou, he has that attractive and rough vibe to him. Like scary, demanding but also alluring things going on, he’s just got the magician type I suppose.

This one’s going to be silly, but I can’t imagine Kettleburn as anyone other than Gobber the Belch from HTTYD, like, take away the horned helmet and give him a pointy hat, and boom, Kettleburn ladies and gentlemen. Down to the messy personality, honestly.

And Donovan Pendragon (the teacher for Magical Theory) I feel like he isn’t mentioned enough, because I literally had no idea what his name was even going to be and I just left a line for it until I was editing the chapter before posting. So he doesn’t really have a cast. He’s caucasian in my head, but that’s about all I’ve got from him. Any ideas?

Do you have any headcanons for any of the characters and their relationship that you haven’t talked about in the story?

REMUS: Well I feel like this one has been talked about several times in the story but Remus being a beast in bed? I feel like everyone loves to tease him about it in the castle but to me, he’s also a total soft boy? Like especially the first time, I feel like he’s going to be so overwhelmed by both Sirius and Reader that he will basically just melt in the hands of his lovers.

SIRIUS: Smitten little puppy of my life.

SIRIUS AND REMUS: They’ve totally kissed in the past. At least once, and Remus still dreams about it. Sirius, well… maybe he’ll get some memories of it every now and then.

READER: My girl thinks she’s so freaking smart and yet is the most oblivious to her own feelings; she could be considered an idiot. She’s also so selfless it hurts, but like literally. Also, she loves flirting with Sirius way too much. Still, they definitely will need Rem in their relationship because there is no self-preservation sense when her personality is just as chaotic as our Puppy. Side note: Remus will 100% blush when she starts flirting with him in the same way he does with Sirius. And let’s not talk about what a tomato he will be when Sirius does it as well.

PETER: He kinda disliked the reader at first, especially since he felt like she was taking away his friends, but eventually he warmed up to her, and loves their friendship.

LILY: She enjoyed the kiss with Reader, and it made her realize she’s totally bi, because she also enjoyed the kiss with James.

TOM: My boy is clever as hell and he knows a lot more than he lets on. Also, he secretly ships the golden throuple.

BETH: She’s Tom’s bestie and she knows a lot of things too. She will also ignite chaos with the ultimate goal of being Gryffindor Tower’s own cupid. Do you think what happened at Marlene’s Party was a coincidence?

REGG: My beautiful Reggie is still sad about the incident. He’s still trying to find a way to reconnect with you and it pains him that you think he’d rat you out. Even then, he values the fact that you are with Sirius and that you’re helping him through everything that’s been going on, especially since he saw how red Sirius’s eyes were when he left the Black’s house with a trunk in hand sobs stuck in his throat. Reg cried like a baby that night, just wishing for time to go by as fast as possible so he could go back to school and see his big brother again. (I’m so sorry for that guys).

MINHO: Has a secret crush and you would not believe me if I told you who it was.

NINA: Has a secret crush and some of you have probably already guessed who it is.

DAMOCLES: You don’t know him yet but omg he’s just so clever, thank you Kles for existing.

And let's be honest, I totally have a bunch more of this but I think this is way more than enough, for now…

Out of all the chapters so far, what’s been your favorite?

This is too fucking hard to decide. But If I had to choose my top three, and in no order in particular, I’d say, for the released ones:

Fooled around and Fell in Love

Because, can we talk about the kiss scene? I feel like this one will come back bite my kiddos in the back so they finally realize what they actually fucking need.

Do Ya

I’m a total sucker for Sirius, what can I tell ya? But also the flying scenes were so much fun to write, totally an adventure to go through, still among my favs.

Maybe I’m amazed

“Do you like Golf?”

From the unreleased episodes:

Tonight’s What It Means To Be Young

The calm before the storm. Or is it the storm before the storm?

Bad Moon Rising

The FUCKING storm. But also one of my favorite things I’ve ever written. I think I like action scenes a little too much.

*** On The Run

The storm continues. But also, the calm after the storm.

Do you have a playlist that you always listen to when you're writing?

Not a specific playlist, but I have been listening to a lot of ‘70s rock. Things like Queen, Bowie, Boston, Foreigner, Kansas, Fleetwood Mac, Nazareth, The Police and some others. All of them help me get in the mood for writing. At least in the mood of the era, if that makes sense.

Aside from the ’70s classics, I’ve also been listening to a lot of Lord Huron, Hozier, and Aurora (I sort of discovered her recently and I’m obsessed with some of her songs). Also some of The Killers, Dotan and Vian Izak sprinkled here and there. Bastille and Imagine Dragons are always and forever so of course they wouldn’t be missing from my list.

But when I’m struggling, like really struggling with writing, then I go to this Best Instrumental playlist, where they have everything from the Narnia and Peter Pan 2003 soundtracks to Vivaldi and Ghibli. It really does help with the concentration.

How long for the guys to understand that they fancy each other?

Well, when you say the guys do you mean Sirius and Remus? ‘Cause then it’s not thaaaaaat far away from now. Now from then to them all dating, well…

I know Remus kind of struggles with feelings, and probably even more now that Sirius and the reader are together. But when he's gonna say "hey, can I come in?" 😏 lol I just want them together so baaaad!

Ahahahahahaha, Well that’s not exactly how it’s gonna go, but it’ll happen sometime after Christmas.

After wolfstar and the reader get together, the fic will end? or we're gonna have a lot of them together to compensate for the agony? 🥺

I’m not sure about the ending yet, but I’m definitely going to add so much fluff of the three of them together that you’re all gonna get cavities. Also, I’ve been writing The 5 Senses and the Halloween special (that might be finished until after Halloween) to practice for the spice, so I’m def compensating for the agony.

Also, I kind of want to explore the social implications of being in a throuple, of making that public in the `70s. Seems like a whole lotta issue bringer that kinda interests me… Sorry, you’re not completely getting rid of the angst even when they’re all together.

I don’t remember if I already asked you about this, but as a Regulus’ wife, I need to know. He'll come back, right? She will talk with him and he will be able to explain everything to her? I need this, I really need this! I can leave without this closing. THEY NEED TO BE FRIENDS AGAIN!

Your husband is safe with me. I promise. I’m not gonna say it’s gonna be very soon, but he will be safe because I love baby Reggie and I too can’t stand him being mistreated either.

Not a question. I just want to say that I really love this story. It's one of my favorites, and I just put it on my masterlist for how much I love it.

Aww shut up, I love you so much <3

Will we have some Sirius jealousy? ‘Cause I'm really interested in that. Oooh... will he notice that Reader and Remus are... more than friends before they even know it? I dunno, he's just oblivious about everything around him.

Funny that you ask, yes we will have a lot of Jealous!Sirius, in fact, it’s a huge part of how the throuple will develop. And you will have it so soon, even if it’s not exactly what you expect it to be. I can’t wait for next week!

And in regards to noticing, well… Sirius is not going to be the most oblivious about his own feelings in this story. I mean… not always.

Are there any particular scenes or moments in your story that were especially fun or challenging to write?

Well, I’m actually finding it a lot harder to write stuff atm, so I’d say the limbo between the Bad Moon Rising Arch and the next big thing that’s going to happen has been the hardest. Especially since I’m already going to get to a key point in which some shit is going to go down and I’m still not sure how bad and angsty I want to make it. Don’t worry, our golden throuple will be alright but…

In regards to fun, I must say the parties are some of my favorites, Potion Pong was incredibly fun to write ‘cause I literally transported myself to it and it was like actually living it, even if it was in my head. Also the flying scenes, they’re always fun to write, the race was incredible tbh.

I love to write the fun banter and the teasing too, it brings me joy. But I bet you could tell I’m one for the teasing from the very first chapters of Gilded Constellations.

Nina fancies Reader, right? She does. I just need a yes. I already know that 😌

( ≖‿ ≖ )

Can you share any behind-the-scenes trivia or Easter eggs that readers might not have noticed in your story?

I feel like there’s a lot of behind-scenes I shared so far but I guess I could share a few pics of my organization systems. Things like…

Your schedule:

The cover:

Some of you have already been theorizing about it too, you can look at some of those theories over here, and here, and also here.

Alt Covers I designed but weren't chosen:

Something you might not know:

GC is also available on Wattpad and AO3. The AO3 chapters usually drop like 30 minutes or an hour before Tumblr because it's easier to post there. And the Wattpad releases are actually way behind in comparison (there isn't much engagement over there).

Some Shots of my Plot notebook (0 spoilers):

And also, have you noticed the special little thing in the names of the chapters? 10 housepoints to whoever notices

I just thought of this, but what if we make a little housepont system and from things that you guys guess of the story you get housepoints and then we have a houseprice in the end? OMG I'd love to do this, if you're on tell me your house in the comments. So far Sytherin would have like 40 points just beacuse of dear @cometsghost and I'm not sure what is @blacksgarden house but they would also have like 40 pts.

How do you stay motivated and inspired to keep writing, especially in moments when you might experience writer's block?

It may or may not be healthy, but I just force myself to type? I never really have writer’s block, rather I’d call it writer’s overload. It’s when I’m running through so many possibilities in my head and I can’t pick which is the one I want to go through with. So I keep thinking about it and I don’t type. Which is why I just force myself to type, more often than not I’ll end up writing something I really like.

And as for the motivation, honestly just getting to see my boys again. To be able to submerge back into Hogwarts, that’s enough motivation. I seriously get an urge to go back because I miss them. It's kinda crazy. Like I might be chilling at home and suddenly the thought “I wish I was at Hogwarts” crosses my mind, not even joking.

The other motivation is finishing my book so I can get a printed version to place in my bookshelf and show it off. Not that anyone would know what it is, but I’d know, which is enough, hehe. And also to be a better writer, they say you should write every single day, which is kind of what I’m attempting to do with GC. By writing a chapter every week, I literally force myself to write every single day, even if just a couple of words.

Can we have cute moments with Remus? uuuh, Will he be cute when she notices that she really likes him?

Yes! We can have all the cute moments with Remus. Even before they all notice they’re into each other, we’re gonna have so many cute moments because even if Reader is dating Sirius I can’t leave my beautiful boy on the sidelines. Besides, how can I torture him if he doesn’t get a taste of how good it would be to be with them?

What can readers look forward to in the next chapters, and do you have any long-term plans or goals for GCs development?

Angst. Don’t hate me for this. But also comfort, and some fun little adventures and then a bit more angst, hehe…

Well, that’s the end of the questions I got sent ahead. Hope you enjoyed this rollercoaster of a Q&A. If you have any more, or if my answers have provoked further questions, then by all means, share them with me, I’d love to be able to interact with you a bit more.

Love ya, Lily xx

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strang3lov3 · 3 months

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20 questions for fic writers tag game

thanks for the tag @covetyou !!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? - 28, but this doesn’t match Tumblr. I think there might be a fic or two missing from ao3 that’s on Tumblr and there are definitely fics on ao3 that are not on Tumblr. I leave up my old private on Tumblr fics.

2. What's your total AO3 word count? - 205,304

3. What fandoms do you write for? - TLOU and Succession, so Joel Miller x Reader and Roman Roy x Reader.

4. Top five fics by kudos - Cup of sugar, joyride, death by flirting, exit wounds, lookalike. All of those fics are old as fuck and I wish I could delete them or at the very least rewrite them, exit wounds is deleted from tumblr though.

I don’t like ao3 very much. It’s desolate over there lol. I feel like I don’t have any readers on there and I think part of that reason is bc I stopped posting to ao3 for a long time. I HATE posting on ao3 I find it so tedious.

5. do you respond to comments? - of course! I try to respond to all of my comments when I post a new fic, but when a fic is old I kind of slack on responding, especially if it’s just a WHEN IS PART TWO comment. Blech.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? - Has yet to come because angst is not really my steeze. I’ll be writing heavier topics soon, though.

A lot of writers use fic as a way to work through feelings and I admire that, but that’s fucking hard to do for myself. I like to write fics for the purpose of amusing myself mostly.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? - mall rats! They ate Cinnabons and 69’d. What’s happier than that?

8. Do you get hate on fics? - Nope, but I’ll get an annoying comment from time to time. Like the part 2??? comments bug me the most, but those generally come from people who don’t really read my work anyway. I’m blessed to have readers who are kind, patient, and appreciative of my writing. I recognize almost everyone in my reblogs and comments and love you all <3

9. Do you write smut? - exclusively. I used to do fluff back in my virginal days, but it’s just not my thing anymore.

10. Craziest crossover? - has not happened, though I thought about writing a Joel x Reader x Roman Roy fic. Don’t know who that’d be for, though.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? - yes, three times. The most recent instance was in the last few weeks but I just let it go. Not worth the fight.

The two times prior, my fics were word for word plagiarized but my readers, moots, friends, and even people I don’t know went to bat for me. Like it was insane, because the first time I was alerted by someone who doesn’t even read Joel fic, they were a HOTD blog. And then the second time, an Eddie Munson reader alerted me that someone stole my fic and replaced Joel’s name with Eddie!!

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? - Don’t believe so.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? - Nope, and I never will. I like my fics to be my own. I don’t want someone waiting on me, or me waiting on them, or we clash on the story. Similar reason as to why I don’t do writing challenges.

However, I love to brainstorm with other writers. I love hearing their ideas and offering my own and I think this form of writer support is a beautiful thing.

14. All time favorite ship? - bob and Linda from bob’s burgers, but I don’t think anyone writes bob and Linda smut. I haven’t gone a lookin’ though. I do know that bob and Linda role-play porn exists online and I’ve heard good things about it.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? - I will finish them, excuse you. I just need to be brave.

A Pain That I’m used To - Joel/Reader, working through sexual trauma. That’s all I can really say.

Vinegar and Salt - Joel/Reader, infidelity, sleazy cheating Tommy, age gap, guilt, sneaking around.

Lullaby - Dark!Joel. he’s sort of an incubus, sort of a ghost, sort of a human? Idk. He’s outlined, ready to be written, but I don’t think anyone will like him.

Make it Wrong - Icky DBF Joel. DBF where it crosses all the lines and then some. He calls you kiddo.

16. What are your writing strengths? - I think I’m good at characterization with my two comfort characters, Roman and Joel. I think I’m also good at dialogue, and I’m good at making things funny. I think I’m good at smut too, I get myself horned up by my own writing.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? - procrastination is the biggest. I also tend to box myself in and not step out of my comfort zone, and I think that hurts me because I feel like my stories are repetitive.

But you see my wips above! I have all these heavy things I want to write and what do I write mostly? Lighthearted fics where Joel fucks the dogshit out of you because you've annoyed him, or he's humiliating you because you're masturbating in his bed or some shit. These wips are so out of my wheelhouse but I need to challenge myself and grow.

18. Thoughts on dialogue in another language? - it’s fine. I don’t think about it. Except I know that I prefer when writers have translations before a fic, and not like in English in parentheses next to the dialogue. That takes me out of it.

19. First fandom you wrote in? - what I wouldn’t give to see my very first fic. I was probably 13/14 and it was about Norman Bates from Alfred Hitchcock’s Psycho. I still think he’s hot. Years after that, I tried writing for Jim Hopper but I was no good at it so I gave up. Joel is my main squeeze, and I’ve been brave writing Roman.

20. Favorite fic you've written? - Erotic City. I liked all the 80s music references in there, I thought it was a hot and creative concept. I still wanna restart it as a series, but god knows if/when that’ll happen.

NPT - @beefrobeefcal @endlessthxxghts @joeloverture @joelsgreys @atticrissfinch @beardedjoel @ezrasbirdie

#strang3lov3 #tag game

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discjude · 11 months

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What are your reasons for liking Japeth and hating Rhian II? I'm just curious because Japeth seems to be a hated character in general.

So i pasted what i wrote before into a google doc and it was over a page long so here is a very condensed version, including my original preface. there’s also a tldr at the end if you don't have half an hour

quick preface just in case people get mad at me for this (dovesso stans are gonna hate me after this one):: I am not trying to convince anyone of anything here,,, this is entirely my opinion and I'm absolutely not trying to insult anyone that doesn't like japeth!! I completely respect it if you like rhian, there's a lot of good reasons to like him and as I'm writing this I realise I don't hate him as much as I thought I did. once again this is my opinion and it's alright if you disagree :)))

My reasons for liking Japeth mostly come from how complex his character is and what role he serves in the story. Though rhian is also very complex and i’m a very big fan of him being everything tedros isn’t as a king, liking japeth is mutually exclusive to liking rhian. Other than that, my two other solid reasons for disliking rhian is the way he treats kei (neglecting everyone else who tries to get close to you because you’re prophesied to marry Sophie? Dick move bro) and the fact that he’s ever so slightly homophobic which is neither here or there

Every other reason comes from me liking japeth, which is because::

1) japeth is very very complex and mostly very well written. Chapters like flesh and blood are very clear on what he’s got going on emotionally, he’s got a very solid motivation, and if you’re really looking for it he’s a clear parallel to Rafal. If you have read any of my other posts you will know i am a sucker for parallels

2) also speaking narratively, i think him being the culmination of every other villain in the series is Very Clever!! He’s evelyn and rafal’s child, rhian’s brother, a parallel to sophie and yknow the other one!! It’s very important to me

3) (this is the big one) i think he’s quite misunderstood and i don’t think a lot of his actions were his fault??? Obviously there’s some unforgivable stuff (if you saw what soman posted last week on tiktok you know) and he’s genuinely quite insane by book 6 but it’s made clear in chapters like Rhian and the Real Thing that there is Some Shit Wrong with him, notably issues with anger and becoming too attached to people. Sort of leading on from this, I don’t think that he’s the one solely to blame for his involvement in Camelot years: i think the two main villains of the last half of the series are Evelyn Sader and Aric.

I Do Not Like Aric and I believe he’s almost entirely responsible for Japeth’s actions: because of Japeth’s over-attachment to him, he internalises a lot of Aric’s beliefs (the misogyny and only referring to them as “friends” are my best examples) and this ultimately leads to some sort of dependency, which kinda fucks japeth up a lot when aric dies.

Similarly the same sort of thing happens with evelyn and rhian. Evelyn forces a lot of prophecies onto Rhian, and that led to his delusions about becoming king which ostracised him from his brother and gives him this idea that anyone who stops him from being king is automatically wrong.

It’s worth saying that i Do Not Like Everything About Japeth. Some of his writing and dialogue really falls through, and maybe having your first canon queer couple both be absolute psychopaths isn’t a good idea?? While I don’t think the queer rep done through Japeth isnt horrible, it's. Yknow. Not good. It’s also worth saying that i don’t hate everything about Rhian!! I do think he’s also cleverly written and, again, works very well as a parallel to old rhian.

I think that’s about it and i don’t want to write any more so if you have any further questions (or if you agree with me somehow) please let me know!! It’s also worth noting that i just really like snakes and went a little wild in 2020 when i read about cool snake villain

TL,DR: japeth’s nicely written and i think he’s generally misunderstood, he’s also got some nice parallels going on, I don’t explicitly hate Rhian but i don’t like him because he treats people around him like shit. I also think that Aric and Evelyn are more responsible for the twin’s actions then the twins are themselves. I condensed this all and it's still so long

also:

#Jesus Christ this was so fucking long Im so sorry everyone #there are Still More Reasons but yknow #again again I really respect if you don't like him he is an asshole at times and I think the Touch Of The Tism I have may alter my opinion #fuck Aric though lesbians hate aric #also damn yeah I do like rhian's character more than I thought I did #thank you to whoever asked this!!! I wanted to write out my thoughts on this silly snake guy for ages and it was nice to have an opportunit #sge #tsfgae #the school for good and evil #school for good and evil #japethposting #posting this feels like hitting the denote button on a nuke but whatever

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ziracona · 1 year

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Hihi! I am a super big fan of your works, especially ILM! I just have a couple questions for you (so sorry if you've been asked these before; I tried to look but I couldn't see anything on these, but I'm kinda blind lmao): how long does it take you to write those super long chapters (e.g. vs in ILM)? How many words do you typically write per day? How do you deal with writer's block and have you ever dealt with perfectionism with your writing and, if so, how did you overcome that?

Generally, the shorter chapters took a week, the long ones later in fic often took two weeks, but some of the really really long ones (IE Vs and Rainbow Connection) took 3-4 weeks. Which is still a insane turnaround, given those were book length. 😅

The rest of these questions are harder to answer, because the answer isn’t consistent. For most of my life? I have been able naturally to churn out staggering amounts of content virtually overnight. I went through some intense trauma at the end of 2019 and beginning of 2020 though, on through the next year as well, and it kind of broke me, honestly. I dealt with writer’s block many times before then in my life, and my answer would have been “Make yourself start, and after the first twenty minutes, it’s easier. Even if you have to rewrite a lot, some of it will be good,” and “make sure the reason isn’t you genuinely need a break and if it is, take one,” and “Watch/read/play stories that inspire you—that brings passion often faster than anything.”

That’s what’s worked most of my life.

But there are tiers to difficult circumstances. And I still haven’t fully recovered. I write, but I’m a lot slower right now. Sometimes I can’t at all. And there’s very little I can do about it, which is new and frustrating. I had commissions in 2020 (requested, not paid) I just never did, because I just physically could not, which had never happened in my life before, so I didn’t realize that fast enough to handle it well, and I think maybe I’ll feel guilt over that forever. — still, some advice holds steady I suppose. For any kind of writing block, the most common success I’ve experienced, even in extreme duress, is genuine inspiration. Seek out something new and impressive—movies often work especially, but whatever thrills you. Rp like d&d can help too. It can give you motivation that helps override the rest.

If it’s something more serious, like I have now, you need to find the root cause instead, and heal it. That’s a long process sometimes, but there’s really no other way, and it’s worth it.

Anyway, the Ziracona who wrote ILM had a word count per day I’m not sure of, but something disgusting probably like 7,000-16,000. Now I don’t really have one, because it’s not that I write slow per day, it’s that there’s a lot fewer days I can write. So maybe it’s steady. I dunno. Haven’t thought about it in a while.

For perfectionism, I’m sure I have, but that’s easier to handle. The best things for that are start out by writing things you especially like anyway (you’ll be less critical of your favorite tropes), get at least one friend who hyped you and is a good source of positive enforcement who doesn’t mind doing beta for you and you’ll be alright, and take a break after writing and editing before editing more, because the more you read a passage, the worse it will seem to you as it loses freshness and you lose energy. You’ll become unduly critical, but fresh eyes will see it more as it is.

Thank you very much for the kind words, and I’m so happy you enjoy my works. I hope some of that helps. : )

#ask #anonymous #I hope that doesn’t make you uncomfortable 😅 — it’s not an unwelcome subject or something just I think sometimes it’s good to have open #information about that kind of thing bc people don’t talk about it much and I know I’m not the only one who has ever gone through it #it’s nice for people who do to occasionally see they’re not the only one

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1d1195 · 1 month

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Sam! The newest part of Most was EVERYTHING!! Now you know absolutely LOVED Lauren getting publicly embarrassed by Harry calling her out like that! I swear I was so happy knowing that she finally got exposed and she technically exposed herself lol I do think it was so right for Harry being the one to find out because I fear the MC would have just been too nice to her lol but also I think it gives him some closure? Idk if that’s the right word but I think it helps fill in some gaps for that time of the breakup. ANYWAYS loved reading that lol

Now you have been putting this couple through so much but honestly I love it! Harry was literally in shambles while driving to her apartment and he had to find out she was TRAPPED IN HER BUILDING THATS ONE FIRE?!? And she DIDNT REALIZE IT?!? I would start crying ngl if I was in his position lol I was so invested when reading the last half especially when she dropped her love confession as almost a goodbye?! I’m so excited to see how their story will be wrapped up! They are so in love I can’t! So so good bestie as always you’re killing it with these stories!

Also sorry it took so long to reply back! Had such a busy week and I’m just so tired lol my summer classes end in 3 ish weeks so this upcoming week are my midterms(so crazy 😔)! Idk when fall classes start exactly but I think the last week of September maybe? Idk I’m avoiding knowing it lol and don’t be sorry for asking questions! I love questions! I commute to school so I’ve never lived on campus. I live with my parents still so it has its pros and cons lol

Though I’m so surprised you almost start your school year again?? Idk if I’ve just lost the concept of time but I thought you still had a pretty good chunk left of summer break for you?! I can only imagine how hard it is to be “on” all the time especially as a teacher and I hope that you do set goals for not overwhelming/working yourself this year! I just know you can do it my love because you are so important! Always rooting for you💗

I LOVE that you’re having some free time to read! And honestly some smut/romance books are needed sometimes so I don’t blame you for gobbling them up! Anything that you come up for Monday I’m sure it will be great even if it’s sad lol and a check in is always nice! I love to see how the couples are doing! I was just thinking about the Zipper couple bc I saw a horse drawn carriage yesterday when I went out lol and I LOVE YOUR RAMBLING!!! I could never get tired of it or you!! Love little updates on the life of Sam lol

Hope this weekend treats you well and sending the best vibes! Love you lots!!!-💜

Hi!!!! I have been dying for Harry to figure it out. I know it took a while but I hope it was kind of worth the wait. It's funny you say that about the MC finding out 👀 It def gives him closure. I'm so glad to be done with Lauren. (Although I'm sure I'm going to have to write an extra about her running into Lauren hehehe)

I just LOVE to have drama and make Harry stress out when I write 🤭🤭 There's something DEFINITELY wrong with me its in all my romance books basically. I'm just a sucker for a protective guy getting all worried about his lady 😅 HE DEF was SOBBING. I think I wrote he was crying but it was subtle because I had to make sure he could still see but maybe that's the next part hahahahaha but in my head he was a blubbering mess 🤭 This part was SO short when I originally wrote it. I know it's pretty dialogue heavy and I just couldn't figure out how to make it any longer so I just kept throwing stuff in and I was like "she should just tell him. It's pretty obvious anyway."

I am so appreciative of your compliments as always 💕

Please don't apologize! I bet you're exhausted! 3 weeks seems like forever. That's interesting you start toward the end of September. There's NOTHING wrong with living at home and commuting. I have an apartment and I love my bf but I would move back home to my INSANE family in a heartbeat if it meant I could save more money 😅 I was lucky to live on campus because of scholarships and stuff but even still I was only an hour away from home if I needed anything and after my first year I had my car with me.

I have one more full week off but I've been SO busy I feel like I didn't really get a break :( idk. I know people complain about teachers having all this time off but it goes quick and shoving all the things you need to do into it is difficult. I haven't even seen like half of my friends that I wanted to see which I normally budget my time off with. The thought of meeting up with them is exhausting and as I've mentioned before I always do the reaching out so that's exhausting in it's own right. I think I will likely have to book myself into September and hang out with them at that time.

I actually reread parts of Zipper the other day 😭 I think they probably rotate through my top 3 couples and stories. But what's a little sad is I would love to write more about them, but I think they might be done. I feel (hope) I wrote a really solid ending for them and I could write about their kids or whatever but idk if that's worth it. I like to think of them as all wrapped up--zipped closed, if you will. 🤭

LOVE YOU hope your weekend allows you some time to yourself and your midterms are easy peasy 💕

xoxo

#most #💜

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dear3st-dead-diary · 7 months

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Dear dead diary

It's been 7 days since I went on a 5 or 6 (?) Day cocaine and MDMA bender. I threw out the rest of my drugs after going through 3 days of psychosis from quiting cold turkey.

I have 24 hours to pack a week's worth of makeup, clothes, jewelry and drag options and so far, I've only packed the wig.

I'm glad I quit but Gods do I miss it, I swear when I was dumping it into the trash I heard the tray calling my name and that really fucked me up, like I heard it speaking to me in my ear, not in my head, like the tray had a voice of its own. I don't like the drugs but the drugs like me I fucking guess?!?!???

My 25th birthday is comming up, in 11 days to be exact. I stopped celebrating it after... my suey attempt five years ago when my dad kicked me out for being on drugs and queer.

I did it in my boyfriends house at the time and after the doctors successfully resuscitated me I was in a 2 day coma. He wrote me a love letter that I layer burned because after my discharge from the hospital on my 20th birthday he not only dumped me but kicked me out. And after a week of looking for places to live I had to regrettably move back in with my dad.

Funny how five years later the tables have tunred. My dad's been the one kicked out and I'm still monkey-bar-ing from substance to substance.

Nothing good happens to my friends or family this time of year abd I feel selfish for not realizing sooner that my birthday was the talisman of thier holiday marker where atleast one good thing could happen. Abd I've cut them all off from that. I'm sorry.

I should really just endure it and let them all do something, even though it still hurts.

In about t days It'll be 7 years since my cousin/step-sister was Murdered. I hear her.. Especially when I'm about to drink or intoxicated myself. I know it hurts her. But..

I don't know, I like the fun I have. After my 2 year break of Sobriety, I've made it clear to everyone that I'd rather slit my own throat than live the rest of my life completely sober.

I was miserable for those 2 years. The cravings were driving me insane.

I only went on a coke bender because this guy hooked up with me when I was too drunk to concent.

I wanted to fuck him, all he had to do was ask but instead he waited till I was 2 cases deep and couldn't speak.

I don't know what to tell my boyfriend. What's worse? That I went on a cocaine bender or that some guy who I thought was my close friend assaulted me at a party.

I've chosen to just keep the peace for everyone's sake and keep my mouth shut. Only my roomates know. But no one knows who did it. Except me. And I hope he...

I hope he finds help to... not he like this. To pull ahit like this on people. I don't know if I even wish him harm because I already had feeling for him before the incident. It just sucks. But as I've said. Keep the peace...

Even though it drove me crazy and gave me psychosis for a few days...

So, I get to see my boyfriend for valentines day which is nice. I just hope on the long ass travel I manage to stay sane and calm. I hate long trips.

Why do I keep dating people that live across the country? I don't know.

I guess it gives me an escape.

So dear Dead Diary, wish me the best of luck 💋

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amywritesthings · 1 year

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Omg I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to stress you out with the question I was just curious! Take your time, I know the wait is gonna be worth it anyways. <3

AHHH NO ANON YOU'RE OKAY!!!! I knew what you meant! Because last week I was like, "Oh IDK if it'll come out in time for Friday, maybe next week" but I went insane and wrote all 4K in one sitting and posted anyway 😭 so you were asking if i was going to take this week off due to what I said the last time!

I was just thought-blabbing in the tags re: stress about how I make myself stressed because I wanna do a good job for you guys, this is entirely a Me(TM) thing. I did not anticipate like a 200+ person follow spree to occur the last three weeks so my anxiety is like 🔪 'amy u betta not disappoint these wonderful people'

a ramble to say ilu and you did not stress me out whatsoever, i do not mind people asking if / when i'll drop chapters or new content!

#questions.#anon response #holds ur hand u are wonderful and thank u for reading my stuff #like this still baffles me that SU blew up this past month

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celestialevie · 3 years

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Birthday surprise // Niall Horan x singer! Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 1.6k

Warnings: none

A/N: Since it's officially my birthday week and Niall's has just passed, I decided to write this very self-indulgent fic (even though I can't sing, but a girl can dream </3). I mostly wrote this for myself because I adore this human with my whole heart. Anyways hope someone will enjoy this fic just as much as I did writing it.

Finishing the first two songs, you chat a little with your fans. Noticing some of the signs they brought with them to get you to notice them, some of them making you laugh, while some of them made your heart clench with love. Sitting down at the piano, starting to play 'champagne problems'. While you were in the happiest relationship to date now, you still had some issues with your past relationships, where you were made the villain and them a victim when in reality it was the literal opposite. Niall was the blessing you were praying for. So what if you were fucked in the head? Niall loved you just the way you were.

Your birthday was coming up, and you were going to spend it while being in one of the cities you absolutely love touring in – Dublin. Although you were heartbroken because this will be the first birthday you were going to celebrate without your boyfriend, Niall. Ever since you've known him, you celebrated both of your birthdays with one another. His tour lead him to being in America during your birthday, which really sucked. You were both bummed out about it, he even offered to reschedule that concert, so he can be with you in Dublin, maybe even visit his family whilst already being in Ireland, you told him no. You didn't want to be selfish just because it's your birthday. Talking on the phone with him right from the moment he was awake (which was already in the afternoon for you). '' It feels weird to not be with you on your birthday, how will I survive without my birthday kisses and hugs from you? '' you ask while pouting. Niall chuckled and mimicked your put. '' I will give you your birthday kisses and hugs as soon as I see you. With extra ones for each day between your birthday and the day we see each other again. I promise. '' he gives you a smile. And you just pout harder. '' I really miss you. I can't wait to see you soon. '' checking the time, you realize it's almost time for you to start getting ready. '' Hey baby, I have to go start getting ready soon. I'll make sure Jenna calls you to FaceTime and shows you at least some concert if you're not busy. I love you and I miss you. '' as you say that, you hang up and quickly text your makeup artist, she can come over. Two minutes later, her and Jenna (your assistant and close friend) are in your dressing room, and you're getting ready. An hour later, you were done with your makeup and hair and all that was left was to put on your outfit. Ten minutes later, you were slowly making your way towards stage. Quickly texting Niall another I love you, and wishing him good luck on his own show later, you were off on the stage, the intro of your song' dress' starting to play as you were brought onto the stage. Let the fun begin.

After champagne problems, one of your favourite songs you wrote was next.

''... Don Perignon you brought it, no crowd of friends applauded

your hometown sceptics called it, champagne problems.''

'' A lot of you might not know, but this next song was inspired after I was done watching the amazing spider-man 2 for the millionth time. My love for Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield is unmatchable. Just ask my boyfriend, who's been hanging out with Tom Holland, how both of them are feeling betrayed by my love for both Amazing Spider-man's movies. This is How you get the girl. '' The intro of the song started playing and so were the screams of people.

Singing two more songs, you go get changed into a different outfit. Going back onto the stage, you're surprised that your manager Anna is standing there with a grin on her face.

'' Stand there like a ghost

Shaking from the rain

She'll open up the door and say 'are you insane?'

Say it's been long six months

And you were too afraid to tell her what you want, want...''

'' Uh-oh, manager is grinning, prepare yourselves guys, it's not going to be good. '' The crowd laughs while Anna rolls her eyes and smiles at you. '' We have a small surprise for you. '' as she says that, she points on the big screen behind you, when you turn around you are surprised to see a familiar face of one of your closest friends, Lewis Capaldi, wishing you a happy birthday and saying you guys need to go clubbing again soon. Laughing as his face fades away and the next one shows up, your very close friend and sometimes co-writer Taylor Swift, again wishing you the happiest birthday and saying how much she adores working with you and that she loves you very much. It went on for a while, all your friends and even your parents were there. Tears were falling down, and you didn't care it ruined your makeup. And then at the end there he was. My favourite face to see. Niall. '' Happiest birthday to you angel. I wish I could be there with you, just like we are always for our birthdays, but unfortunately I am not there to give you all the birthday hugs and wishes. I love you so much angel, keep rocking the world, and I will see you as soon as we can. '' At the end you were full on sobbing happy tears, hugging your manager and your band. The best surprise ever. '' I am very sorry for being a mess so publicly '' wiping your tears and thanking to whoever invented waterproof mascara for being the reason your makeup is not that ruined. '' Anyway, the show must go on, so let's go. '' picking up your acoustic guitar, adjusting it, you announce the song. ''You are in love. Let's go.''

''(...)

As the show is slowly coming to an end, and you're about to play a song that is about your boyfriend, that he inspired you to write. And Taylor helped you co-write it.

Morning, his place

Burnt toast, Sunday

You keep his shirt

He keeps his word

And for once, you let go

Of your fears and your ghosts

One step, not much

But it said enough

You kiss on side walks

You fight and you talk

One night he wakes

Strange look on his face

Pauses, then says

You're my best friend

And you knew what it was

He is in love. ''

'' Sadly, the show is slowly coming to an end. You guys were the absolute best and I adore spending my birthday with you all. This next song is literally one of the most accurate songs I've written about any of my relationship. When I got inspired by my loveliest boyfriend, I had to invite Taylor to help me write it, as we all know she is the lyrics master. Lover is one of my many nicknames I use for Niall, and I know that he's probably watching this or will watch it later, so hi Niall. '' you wave to one of the camera's while the crowd laughs. Gently, you start playing the guitar.

What you didn't know is that your boyfriend is a liar and is actually hiding with your assistant Jenna, waiting to come on the stage to surprise you. Of course, he wouldn't miss your birthday, even if he has to reschedule the concerts. You were absolutely worth it. As he waits for the part of the song he's gonna crash in, Jenna and Anna are making sure you don't accidentally notice Niall before time. The plan is for Anna to quickly distract you on one side while Niall comes out on the other side of the stage.

'' (...)

We could let our friends crash in the living room

This is our place, we make the call

And I'm highly suspicious that everyone who sees you wants you

I've loved you three summers now, honey, but I want 'em all

Can I go where you go?

Can we always be this close forever and ever?

And ah, take me out, and take me home (forever and ever)

You're my, my, my, my

Lover '' as you sing that part, you notice Anna waving at you like a maniac, distracting you and mouthing something to you. As you're trying to figure out what is she saying, the crowd starts screaming, and you freeze as the familiar voice starts to sing the next part of the song

''Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand?

With every guitar string scar on my hand...''

The song soon comes to an end, and you're bringing Niall into another hug. He just smiles and wraps his arms around your waist. '' Happy birthday, angel. I hope you don't mind me crashing. '' You just shake your head while holding him as close as you can. '' You are always welcome to crash my show. The next song is your song anyway, so you might as well stay and sing with me. '' he pulls away and looks at you. '' Let's go finish this show, so I can give you all the birthday kisses and hugs you want. ''

You turn around with your hand on your mouth, as the man himself makes his way towards you. You're in absolute shock because this man is supposed to be in America. He only laughs at your reaction as he pulls you towards him in a tight hug while still singing. Hugging him back, not wanting to let go of him. Slightly pulling away, looking him directly in his beautiful blue eyes while singing.

'' I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

My heart's been borrowed and yours has been blue

All's well that ends well to end up with you

Swear to be overdramatic and true to my lover

And you'll save all your dirtiest jokes for me

And at every table, I'll save you a seat, lover ''

#niall horan #niall horan fanfiction #niall horan x you #niall horan x y/n #niall horan x reader #niall horan fanfic #niall horan x singer! reader #one direction #niall james horan #niall horan fluff

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flutteringdreams-matw · 3 years

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Fic Writer Review

Thanks for the tag @dp-marvel94 - first time I've been tagged like this. I have a full fuzzy heart right now!

1) How many works do you have on AO3? 7 but attempting to clean up and move fics to AO3. I've got about 13 on FFN. 2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 184 768 3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they? On AO3 - 1, on FFN 2. Almost all Danny Phantom except for an old Merlin one shot. I'd like to revisit that Fandom one day - I just got so busy with school :/ The merlin fandom is quite awesome. 4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? 1) Twist and Turns 2) The Road to Normal 3) Making the Grade 4) Out of Time 5) Undeserved Punishment 5. Which of your fic do you want more attention for? Out of Time but honestly I'm grateful for any attention I get. 6. Do you respond to comments, why or why not? Yes! I have been bad at it for AGES but have recently gotten in the habit of replying once every two days. It brings some serotonin to my brain. I don't get many comments or kudos - so it brings even GREATER joy when I get to reply.

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? Uh.... I guess it would be Just a Clone an old oneshot from Dani's perspective after Kindred Spirits (right after it aired). It was maybe the 2nd thing I posted on FFN. 8. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? Have not done a crossover yet - not for lack of ideas. It's just not something I'm good at. 9. Have you ever received hate on a fic? Remember when flames were a thing? Also, quite a guest reviews on FFN who impersonated people's accounts. Just... not a good thing to do. 10. Do you write smut? if so what kind? NOPE. 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? I have not - honestly don't think anyone would want to but please be my guest! 12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? Not yet - but did start the planning process over on FFN with MsFrizzle for something. Still working out timelines/commitment! 13. What’s your all time favorite ship? Canon pairings so Amethyst Ocean. Not that I won't read or enjoy other pairings so long as it's close to canon or very well done. 14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? Hmm. See the whole reason I came back to writing was to finish all the WIP fics I didn't finish. Underserved Punishment was left sitting for 6 years. Making the Grade was TEN. YEARS. But have since finished them both. Currently, I guess it's an unpublished short work called "Worth of a Pawn" from Vlad's perspective in Reign Storm. I started it, have made attempts to finish it... but writer's block and life.

15. What are your writing strengths? Huh. Um. Hurt Comfort? Friendship? I'm hoping characterization?

16. What are your writing weaknesses? Honestly, I have a love/hate relationship with action/fight scenes with heavy dialogue. For a while I thought it was humour but Road to Normal has been going well so far? 17. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? If you can do it - do it responsibly. 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? 15 (or 16?) year old me sat in a dentist office and wrote the entirity of Escape from Fear Island and an untitled angsty torture fic with Danny finding Dani in the Fenton Basement in a notebook. Then I read Tortured Truth by Darth Frodo on FFN and went "oooh... that was better." I published EfFI instead and started to plan more in that universe.... and am still going 15 years later. 19. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written? What. Ugh - do I have to lol? I love Making the Grade for many reasons, but I think Out of Time has started to replace that. 20. What fic are you most proud of? Out of Time - hands down. All of the ecto-storm fics hold a place in my heart but there are some parts of this story that have been in my head since I wrote EfFI in 2006/7. I just... I look at the almost 110k words I've written for that story (that isn't already on AO3... still working on catching up!) and realize how much time it's spent in my heart. Everytime I post a chapter, I feel like a piece of myself is out their in the world. An insane world with many ups and downs. We're getting near the end now and I had literal tears when I finished the last chapter a couple weeks back. Tagging: Oh gosh I'm new to tumblr! Um... @dekalko-mania @captain-ozone and anyone else who wants to do this? So many people have done this already, I'd hate to double tag! Please go for it - share your story!!!

#danny phantom #fic writer review

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kashimos-hajime · 4 years

Text

dear... whoever | b.b.

summary: a mandated series of long and short diary entries from the new head of R&D for Stark Industries.

WARNINGS: swearing, LOTS of fluff, mentions of drinking and sex and hospitals and guns, general fun and witty attitude, small angst, big jealousy, obviously au after civil war. everything after does not exist. pairing: bucky barnes x fem!reader word count: 9.5k

a/n: written for @softbiker and 100% inspired by @sunmoonandbucky with the format. my prompt was let me love you by rita ora and i wrote it from the perspective the singer is singing it to rather than the actual singer. this was super fun to write. enjoy!

July 31/20

Dear…

Whoever is going to read this. So… me, in the future probably. So, it should be dear WHOMever, I think, but it sounds wrong.

Is it too cliché to say dear diary? I don’t know. After all, I don’t WANT to be writing this but unfortunately I am because it’s mandated. Apparently, the psychiatrist that works for Stark Industries thinks it’s necessary that I write down my feelings and show that I’ve adjusted to working part-time superhero, full-time head of Tony’s stupid R&D department.

Something about how that much stress can cause psychotic fractures in the worst case scenario.

Cute.

Anyway, I don’t know what to write. Currently, it’s 4:23AM. The only reason I’m awake is because I have trouble sleeping on the best night. I heard Barnes messing about and because I am the Hermit of the Rec Room Couch (catchy, I know), I can hear him just walking about.

What the hell is he even doing?

To be honest, I’ve never talked to Barnes besides the occasional greetings because he’s the sort to keep to himself, I guess, and, valid. I’m not saying it’s not, considering his history, but you know.

I think I’m a friendly person, and I’m bored. He’s eventually going to hear me writing noisily because of super-soldier hearing or whatever, so I might just get up and introduce myself.

Not that I’ve been working here for years, but whatever.

I’m really bored and hungry, honestly, so a trip to the kitchen would be considered normal (and warranted) in such circumstances.

Fuck it.

Time to make a new friend or die trying. If you never hear from me again, you’ll know why.

Aug. 1/20

Dear Jane,

I finally got the time to write in here and you may be wondering why I have named you. Well, after the conversation at roughly 4:30 AM, here are things that’ve changed in a disorganized list. None is more important than the other. I'm just writing what comes to my head.

One: Barnes said he doesn’t really let anyone call him James. I called him James once because I forgot. Profuse apologies followed. He said it was okay and didn’t mind me calling him that. Now, in my mind, I think he’s just saying this to be polite and really just wants me to call him Bucky but he seemed sincere. We’ll see how it goes.

Two: Barnes was awake because his cat woke him up. I didn’t even know he had a cat but it’s a gorgeous white cat named Alpine that Barnes carries around in his half-zipped up hoodies sometimes. It’s adorable. He’s super soft and friendly and I love him already. He showed me all the tricks Alpine could do. Amazing.

Three: Barnes’ favourite movie is the Godfather. Totally surprising there. Please tell me you understand sarcasm.

Four: He said he liked the name Jane when I told him what I was doing up and also in the rec room (couldn’t sleep, writing in my diary) and that I didn’t want to say “Dear diary”

“Why don’t you just give it a name?” he eloquently suggested and Jane was his answer to my question of “Which name?”

Five: Barnes, or James, I guess he is now, is my friend.

Six: We said we’d meet up at 4:30AM or earlier again because I told him I wanted to show him my s’mores dip recipe.

Seven: Wish me luck. Hope I don’t get murdered.

Eight: I think I might be in love with him.

Bye.

Aug. 5/20

Dear Jane,

In an effort to summarize what has happened in the past four days, I will open with the fact that James Buchana Barnes is the cutest motherfucker on the planet. He’s super old fashioned, but that’s a given. He opens the doors for me, offers to take my bags up, and in the past four days, we’ve met up at around midnight to just eat and chat. Then he walks me back to my room with a glass of water and I’m left fanning myself because it’s so sweet and he’s so sweet and OH, MY GOD, I am a child.

This feels like a crush. Like, butterflies in my stomach, self-conscious every time he looks at me, can’t stop staring, and wanting to impress him at every turn sort of crush.

AKA, a middle-school crush and I feel completely ridiculous but that is besides the point because he’s just the loveliest person.

Someone should tell him chivalry is dead. Steve thinks he’s just being sweet on me, and Sam says I should flash some ass just to get a rise out of him which would be funny. He’d look absolutely adorable blushing his head off.

We’ll see. I am considering it.

What else happened? I’m drawing a huge blank.

As explained in a previous entry, I was to show Barnes my s’mores dip recipe. Huge success. Crowd loved it. That’s how I learned he has a huge sweet tooth like me. Got an email from Pep about a board meeting which I ignored. If it’s really important, she’ll see me in person. Went swimming with Sam. We started planning Tony’s big Christmas party even though that’s MONTHS away.

But, you know. We’re so busy all the time, it might be worth it planning ahead.

As head of R&D, it’s vital to me that this goes well because they’re fun when they do go well, and a chaotic disaster when they don’t. Also, I have to find a date but details will follow.

I think that’s it.

If there’s more to follow, then I’ll just come back but there really isn’t.

Oh, Alpine found my room. He’s in here right now and he snores. It’s cute, just like his owner.

Okay, goodnight.

Aug. 7/20

Dear Jane,

Sam, James, and I went swimming.

Pro of the day: James is ripped and that man was GLISTENING.

Con of the day: I AM STUPID in front of hot ripped men.

Pro of the day: We got ice cream together. Strawberry for me, mango for James because he wants to try new flavours, and Sam ordered some monstrosity with vanilla ice cream, chocolate and raspberry syrups, and a bunch of banana slices. A swirl of whipped cream to finish it off. It looked like diabetes in a cup and that’s coming from me.

Con of the day: James used his thumb to wipe the ice cream off my lip and my brain short-circuited. Sam teased us about it, but James very stubbornly and convincingly said we’re just friends.

Con of the day x2: We are just friends and that is NOT going to change. I cannot explain how much my heart literally fell out of my body in disappointment.

God, and James and I are meeting up at 2AM tonight so he can show me this new stupid stuffed celerey recipe he learned.

It’s not stupid.

It’s really, REALLY cute he researched it.

This sucks.

Aug. 11/20

The worst day ever. I don’t want to talk about it but might as well make a note on it. More on it later, I guess.

Aug. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry, I’m dramatic. Must get it from working with Tony for so many years.

Let’s just review what occurred on August 11, 2020, at approximately 3:23 in the afternoon.

I learned that James went out on a date. A DATE. From SAM. When James had ample opportunity to tell me at our regular meeting at witching hour over celery sticks.

EXCUSE ME? WHO IS THIS WOMAN?

I’m not even mad. I’m just angry that the man I became friends with only 2 weeks ago and caught feelings immediately for is seeing other people.

I sound like a raging bitch. I promise you, Jane, that I am not. I’m just the insanely jealous type.

No, I’m not.

God, what is happening to me and why does it have to be James.

I never get crushes and the instant I do, it’s for the most emotionally and physically unavailable person ON EARTH.

Also, work was work. I was distracted, drank soup from the canteen, and generally accomplished nothing. Alpine came for some snuggles while James was out. That’s the only good thing.

Thanks, universe.

Aug. 16/20

Dear Jane,

So, I brought up this mystery lady over homemade sundaes.

James seems pretty serious about her because he a) apologized for not telling because he wanted to keep it private and asked me not to tell anyone and b) has a second date with her later today.

Oh, GOD. There is no point to this.

Aug. 19/20

Dear Jane,

What’s the point of asking someone intimate, personal questions if not because you guys are best friends?

James called me his best friend today. He says he knows me, but if he did, he’d know I feel like throwing up whenever he’s around and that his stare burns through every layer of clothing until I feel like he just knows my secret.

I told him we’ve known each other less than a month, but he said something stupidly charming about “intuition” and feeling and that this feels right and how he knows he can tell me anything and that I was an easy person to talk to.

I should’ve been a shrink.

At least, my trip to Wakanda is going to give me distance. A solid two months of no one else but me, tech, and new faces. Going there to collaborate with Shuri is definitely exciting and taking up more space in my brain than James these days.

Maybe I’ll fall in love with some soldier over there because apparently, I’m catching feelings willy-nilly these days.

See you on the plane, Jane.

Aug. 23/20

Dear Jane,

On the quinjet, it’s fairly quiet. It’s one of the things I love about it. The silent yet soft engines that can lull me to sleep. We should be arriving in a few hours so I thought I’d write. I’m getting the hang of this, I think.

There's a press conference later, too, in the trip with the UN and it’s not that I can’t handle it, but that I could’ve done this in my sleep and wished Tony sent someone else. I hate the press, not gonna lie.

Anyway, this gives me time to be introspective.

Is it just me or James always Okay, is it just my imagination that whenever I try to get close to James, he just kinda pulls away? Not in a romantic way. I’m not stealing anyone’s man because girl code, but he won’t even let me just stand near him anymore. It’s like I have an infectious disease only transmitted through physical contact and it’s just weird.

I don’t know.

Before I left, he said he’d miss me and that we should keep in touch through calls (Obviously, I would) and that he hopes I won’t forget him.

So, you say those things but you won’t even let me even hug you?

You’re a manipulative asshole, Barnes.

Oct. 20/20

Dear Jane,

I am so sorry that it has taken so long for us to reunite.

In hindsight, I’m a fucking idiot.

I left you on the quinjet which went back to New York and a different quinjet came to pick me up. I came back like two days ago so these past few days have been spent searching for you.

James offered to help, and he seems normal again.

Weird. Guess he was just in a mood with the new girlfriend and adjusting to having me as a friend, too. Guys go through that, I guess.

In Wakanda, I did not, in fact, fall in love with a soldier or anything. I curse every day that I didn’t, trust me. I’m just as disappointed as you are because I just want to get over this stupid crush. For the two months I was gone, it was like I didn’t like James at all like that. Even during calls, I could pretend we were just two teammates keeping each other in the loop. He talked about his girlfriend, I listened, I explained science because he’s a nerd, and he asked questions like he was interested.

It was FINE.

Then, he was waiting for me when I came back to NYC and it slammed into me like Bruce in Hulk-mode.

James asked if I wanted to meet his girlfriend because she’d be coming around for the Halloween party anyway, and he thinks we’ll get along swimmingly.

He really said swimmingly. He is stuck in the wrong era, but we all knew that.

I said yes, to be polite.

Here’s to hoping she’s a vindictive bitch and I am justified in hating her entire being.

Oct. 22/20

Dear Jane,

I met her. She’s small and pretty and mature and normal.

If I wasn’t stupidly in my feelings about James, I’d love her, too.

She’d treat him right, give him a good home to come back to.

Best not to notice the people fighting beside you in that way, I guess.

Oct. 25/20

Dear Jane,

God is dead and NO ONE has eyes on the road.

Jesus isn’t even taking the wheel on this one.

It’s a fucking disaster.

I do not want to describe in every little detail the intricacies of dreaming about James Buchanan Barnes fucking my brains out, so I won’t, but this is for the record that it happened and how the fuck am I supposed to come back and see him in his probably gorgeous attempt at his recreation of Brendan Fraser from the Mummy AKA my favourite movie (which HE KNOWS THAT IT IS?? GOD, the audacity.)

Girlfriend (his girlfriend. “Girlfriend” is the name which she shall be henceforth known as in these entries because petty wins are all I have right now) is dressing as Rachel Weisz. Because “couples goals” or whatever.

I wouldn’t know. Sam and I are dressed up as sexy salt and pepper shakers (his idea, not mine) and he made me take the salt stick because I think he knows. Steve’s not dressing up because he’s more focused on handing out candy as Captain America.

Tony is… Tony. Iron Man and all that.

Anyway, I’m out of town in DC for a meeting with the Secretary of State for a few days, but I’ll be back in New York on the 30th so I’ll have a few hours to adjust to being around James again before he dons on that outfit that I know will be totally hot.

He called me his best friend again in his latest email.

Made me smile like an idiot, but I digress.

Nov. 1/20

Dear Jane,

Halloween was killer. Sam and I won best duo for costumes because we’re that good. Ate a lot of candy and it seems to be looking up.

I dunno. I didn’t mind James and Girlfriend on the couch that much in the after-party. Mostly stuck by Nat and Sharon and Tony. An ood trio, but a fun one nonetheless.

It was fun, but I still have to go to work no matter how many jello shots and vodka gummy bears consumed.

Wish me luck, not that I need it.

Why do you think Tony hired me?

Nov. 4/20

Dear Jane.

Natasha said I smile at James in a way that utterly betrays every emotion I want to hide in my chest.

Note to self: Don’t smile at James, or at his jokes, or at anything he ever does again. Avoid him. Put a stopper on this friendship.

Note to note to self: I can’t. He just makes me smile whenever he’s around and he’s always around. There’s no simpler way to put it.

I’m gonna try this hiatus thing, though. Distance myself a bit. We’ll see how it goes.

Nov. 13/20

Dear Jane,

Day nine of this hiatus business and it sucks. I miss my best friend.

We’re scheduled for a mission together, and we’re leaving tomorrow so I was going to have to talk to him during the briefing and the op either way.

Well, glad to know this didn’t work.

Nov. 15/20

Dear Jane,

Guess who just got fucking shot!

ME!

Guess even scumbags can’t take a holiday because some stupid arms dealer got a cheap shot on me while I was downloading their whole computer system and other tech mumbo-jumbo I am too high to write about.

James left a few hours ago with the rest of the team, but not before he got me a bunch of ice chips and said he was worried and that he hopes I get better soon. He even promised to get me some flowers to spruce up the room and to say my HEART went CRAZY is an understatement.

He came to my rescue, essentially, as soon as he heard I got pinned. He carried me to the quinjet the instant he cleared the area and stayed by my side the whole time even though the bleeding stopped and I was in good hands. He was just so protective, barking at doctors and nurses. It was embarrassing but also really, really sweet.

Is it weird of me to say that I want him to stay by my side forever?

I’ve never fallen in love before.

Is it always this fast and this hard? I feel like I’m crashing instead of gently and wonderfully falling. Everything is dumb and awful.

Is this what love is like? Because it hurts worse than getting shot because I think I’m going to vomit flowers or butterflies or something.

God, he’d never love me. We’re just friends and even though we have a lot in common, he’d never. It’s just too much of the past in the present or whatever.

Also, he has a girlfriend but it seems very surface-level. God, that makes me sound like a “one of the boys” type of girl who’s a bitch to one of the boy’s new girlfriends, but I don’t know. James told me they don’t really talk about the deep stuff like we do. But she makes him happy, I think.

In hindsight, one may ask what the deep stuff is.

More on that later. I’m tired.

God, why him?

I HATE THIS.

goodnight.

Nov. 16/20

Dear Jane,

James visited again today. He sat beside me and we talked until the nurses had to kick him out. He also brought the flowers.

I asked about Girlfriend casually. I said I liked her.

He said he did, too.

I don’t know why I think he’s lying. No, I do.

It’s because jealousy is the green-eyed bitch from highschool who still shows up in my life because she thinks she’s relevant to society.

That was mean. Unrequited love makes you mean. Side effect noted.

P.S. The deep stuff includes his past, his arm, his memory, his favourite colour. I dunno why that matters. It just does.

Nov. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Got out of the hospital today because of advanced technology and all that. Nothing’s left but a scar and residual soreness. James helped me to my room and said to call him if I had a problem.

I joked that he has a girlfriend and for some reason, he got really weird about it. It’s hard to describe. I dunno. Nat dropped by for popcorn and movies.

It’s 2:32AM. I’m wondering if he’s in the kitchen but I’m confined to bed rest so I don’t know. Also, Nat is asleep beside me and I don’t want to bother her.

Hopefully I can get up and move in a few days. Life is boring.

Nov. 24/20

Dear Jane,

Sorry we haven’t caught up in a moment. Work’s been hectic and I’ve been working overtime trying to make ends meet. Most days I’m in the office or lab, just trying to get enough things done so I can take time off come Christmas.

James stopped by tonight with Chinese takeout and some sweet buns.

He broke up with his girlfriend, too.

Guess that’s why he was being weird about it.

I tried being as casual as I could asking why, but he didn’t want to talk about it, so I asked why he came by. Couldn’t be for the company because when I’m in work mode, I just don’t talk and he knows that.

He said something about his arm feeling funny so I gave it a quick diagnostics check.

I think both of us knew his arm was feeling fine.

Everything is stupid, life is meaningless, and James’ lips are the prettiest shade of pink in the ugly lights of the lab.

I would very much like to have kissed him, but I didn’t.

Girl code.

It’ll probably be a while before I get another chance to actually have time and energy to write another diary entry. Christmas season’s coming close and Pepper is gonna need help with the party.

Yay, me.

Dec. 4/20

Dear Jane,

Morgan asked me in less eloquent words if I had a boyfriend (it was more like “You boyfriend?” But whatever. Who even taught her that word?) and I swear to GOD Nat could not make it anymore obvious looking at James.

Remind me to absolutely throttle her. I don’t care if she’s the infamous Black Widow. She has clearly never seen me hopped up on nothing but a negative amount of sleep and rage/embarrassment/spite/all of the above.

On another note, Pep asked if I was bringing a plus one for the party. I said I’d think about it. Normally I’d just take Sam but he has his eyes on someone at the VA and I like my friends getting laid so no go there.

Might just go alone. I don’t know.

Pep said I should take James, but I don’t really think she knows the truth about that situation. Luckily, Tony instantly rejected the idea and said he’d find me a date if I couldn’t.

Thank the universe for at least placing me in the close circle of the most well-known and richest man in the world because he also gave me his card and said go wild.

He knows me so well. I’m thinking about Christmas shopping when I have another free day, and I’ll pay for that with my own money, of course, but clothes shopping is a free market.

I cannot wait.

Dec. 12/20

Dear Jane,

I wish I could show you my haul, but I got so much stuff Happy had to drive to help me. Besides obvious gifts, I also managed to snag a gorgeous dress for the party.

Thoughts on black and gold?

I think it’s beautiful. Hopefully Nat and Sharon think so. We’re having a girls night tonight and showing off outfits, so that’s exciting.

James asked if we could meet up tonight.

I told him I had plans and he looked so downcast.

I dunno. Everything feels weird between us. Like we’re fine, we’re best friends still, but something’s changed when no one was looking. He’s single now. I guess that energy is different because I had gotten used to his energy with ex-Girlfriend.

I don’t exactly mind but it’s not ideal either. I miss summer. It’s much less complicated than winter. Winter, one has to worry about wind and chills and snows blocking roads, black ice, dry skin, freezing fingers.

Summer: there’s just a lot of sun, wind, bugs, and the vaguest notion of being bored.

Look, I love winter. It’s my favourite season. It’s quiet and gorgeous and dreamy, even though it gets dreary in New York. The snow falls slowly sometimes, Christmas is gorgeous here, and I’d rather be cold than sweating buckets, and there are no bugs to bother me. Also, it gives me a good reason to stay in the labs or in my room where it’s warm and toasty.

I just miss the relative simplicity when James and I were just strangers on the edge of being friends, which is, in retrospect, a selfish reason to like one season and hate another.

Well, some philosopher somewhere probably said something about humanity being selfish.

Dec. 16/20

Dear Jane,

T-minus nine days until the party.

No date in sight.

Maybe I’ll ask Anderson from HR. We had coffee together a few times and he’s nice. Good catch: smart, not too bad looking, and really nice. I’ll head down tomorrow and ask.

Alpine had purred when I told him my plan and headbutted my hand, so I guess I got the Alpine-Seal-of-Approval.

Dec. 17/20

Dear Jane,

Operation: Ask Anderson from HR to Tony’s Christmas Party failed. Granted, it could’ve been because that was a god awful title and that that name, in itself, prophesied catastrophic failure, but also because I was accosted by my best friend.

I wish I meant Sam.

Nope. James caught me in the elevator and we made small talk. Sounds fine, right? Then we turned the topic to the party. Talked about clothes and prospective celebrity appearances and drinks and food. Just about everything, so might as well turn to talks about dates, which meant I had to explain why I was in the elevator in the first place.

Going down to ask Anderson ended in James revealing that he didn’t have a date either.

He doesn’t know who Anderson is, which I thought would be the case, and he popped the question before the doors opened.

Notice how I said “didn't” have a date.

Guess who’s going to the party with James, clearly stated as friends, platonic soulmates, etc.?

Me.

Yippee.

Dec. 18/20

Dear Jane,

It’s 3:42AM and I’m in the rec room as usual. I was gonna not write here today but it normally helps me sleep to just write a bit, get what little thoughts are in my head out. Yeah.

I hear James in the kitchen talking to Alpine and it’s making me smile like an idiot.

Oh, shit, he knows I’m in here. He’s making milkshakes.

I am morally obligated by best friend duties to join him.

Goodnight, Jane.

Dec. 24/20

Dear Jane,

I’m not sleeping with James Buchanan Barnes tomorrow night.

This is a resolute promise. An early New Year’s resolution.

Dec. 25/20

Dear Jane,

Merry Christmas!

In between jovial festivities, I’ve finally found a little nook that’s quiet enough to write in. We opened presents, had a big family breakfast, went skating and just lounged around, and frankly, I’m exhausted. Need to recharge the old social battery.

Among the assortment of gifts is one that stands out to me. James got me a gift that said “Open When Alone” and I did before I started this entry and it was a fucking necklace. Like, a gorgeous one. It’s gold and thin and it feels wonderful. There’s a little cat paw charm on it and it’s so pretty because he has a matching bracelet for himself and I have still not yet recovered.

It’s just so sweet and it reminds me why I love him.

Yes, love has made me unbelievably sappy. I just heaved the biggest sigh in history.

Unfortunately, I have to go earlier tonight. To the party, as written in previous entries. I remember my oath of one-night celibacy and I intend on keeping it, despite how fucking endearing this gift was, because he said it best: we’re just friends. I’m not about to coerce my best friend into sleeping with me out of a piteous, unrequited love. That’s just gross.

You will either see me hungover tomorrow, or very drunk later tonight. It’s all very depending on how this night turns out.

Dec. 26/20

Dear Jane,

Fuck.

P.S. He REALLY does not mind me calling him James. Take that as dirtily or as clandestinely as you wish.

Dec. 27/20

Dear Jane,

I spent the entire day in bed with very pleasurable company.

I am SO GLAD we haven’t gotten called in because James doesn’t leave unless to go to sleep in his own bed or to eat, and I do NOT want to explain to the team that James fucked my brains out for two days straight because my heart is bursting.

He’s a good kisser. His lips are soft.

Intimate knowledge of that is now burned into my memory for future reference.

God, this is a dream come true. He doesn’t even question it, he just

It’s like I’m a goddess to him. He treats me like one, at least, and it’s like he’ll do anything I ask. And we act like it’s normal, too. Midnight trips to the kitchen included.

Best Christmas ever.

Dec. 28/20

Dear Jane,

I feel like I’m ignoring you but I’m also having the best sex of my life. He’s just… so fucking good and it’s a holiday and holy shit my mind is blown.

Love at first meeting isn’t real.

Well, maybe this one time, it was destiny.

Dec. 29/20

Dear Jane,

It isn’t just the sex, you know? It’s the pillowtalk, too. He just makes me laugh so much and everything is so easy between us and it feels real. Popcorn and chips in bed, some mojitos, just each other’s presence. It’s enough like that, you know?

Some quote about how the one you love should be both your lover and your best friend is in my head but I’m too lazy to look it up. James’ head is in my lap and he’s just reading while I’m writing and everything seems perfect.

He doesn’t ask what I’m writing because he knows it’s private and I trust him.

This is perfect.

I think I really am IN love with him.

Jan. 1/21

You know that cliché/tradition of New Year’s kisses?

WELL THEN.

Best (and worst) New Year’s ever. I’ll explain more later. I’m too tired and too angry and also sore and bruised.

See you when I’m not hungover.

Jan. 5/21

Dear Jane,

I’m finally stable enough to write.

In a crazy turn of events, Barnes and I got into a fight because of what happened after New Year’s Day’s events: I caught him leaving before I woke up and at first, curious questions ensued, and it wasn’t a fight but then it became one and I don’t even know how it happened. I wasn’t even mad. He just started being weird and I got annoyed and we tried and failed to keep our voices down. Luckily, my room is pretty soundproof.

Things just got out of hand and I feel like tearing my hair out. I wanna storm up to him and just yell some more.

Tony came into my room and didn’t say shit about my hickies and the fact that James is avoiding me like the plague. He gave me a really good hug, though and then gave me a few weeks off extra. I don’t know how he knows, but then again, it’s Tony.

He just said love’s tough sometimes.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I’m thinking about just taking a long vacation and disappearing. It seems like a good route to take at this point.

Jan. 6/21

Dear Jane,

James is looking at me right now as I write this. I wonder if I should look back or if he’s going to come up to me. We’ll see.

I’m only writing this so it seems like I’m busy. I’m running out of things to say, honestly. Can he just go? What’s the point in staring like that? What’s the point?

I could ask myself the same question. What’s the point in loving someone who’ll never love you? Yeah, he’s sleeping with me but he pulls away every time I try to do something more. Outside the bubble of my room and the small time frame of post-11PM to around 4:45AM, he acts like he’s allergic to intimacy.

It was never like that with ex-Girlfriend.

Maybe it’s something to do with me.

I don’t know, but he keeps looking and I want to get up and leave, but I won’t. I’m not gonna let him win.

Jan. 6/21

He didn’t. He just went out. Sam and Steve asked if I was okay because as soon as he left, I got up for the bathroom and screamed into a towel.

I don’t think either of them knows what’s going on, but they have a notion.

Jan. 9/21

Dear Jane,

He apologized. Still no explanation as to why, but it feels weird.

I told him I’m going on a vacation to Switzerland. Go skiing or something and asked if he wanted to come.

It was stupid to ask, but he said yes.

Shit.

Jan. 14/21

Dear Jane,

Switzerland is lovely.

No work is relaxing. Awkwardness between me and the other traveller on this vacation. Weather’s supposed to be nice when we get there. Sunny snow days, pretty mountains, other Swiss things.

No other comment.

Jan. 21/21

Dear Jane,

I lasted all of a week.

Yep, I slept with him again, and yes, he was back in his hotel bed come sunrise.

I dunno. I’m over it. We don’t apologize and hope everything gets back to normal because neither of us want to say anything to ruin it any further and we both have a major fear of the complicated. To be fair, he said he didn’t want to sleep with me if I was completely against it.

Also, I tried calling him Bucky at dinner like ex-Girlfriend (and everyone else) does and he made the most disgusted face.

He said, and I quote, “Bucky? When did I stop being James?”

I told him I was trying something out and he said it failed. Snarky bastard.

I guess if he’s still James, that must mean I’m still special.

That’s the Tony-inherited ego talking.

But it does make me exceptionally happy to play with the idea that I’m special to him. Best friend with convoluted benefits. Sounds like the title of a very long-winded self-help book that doesn’t really help much but that does sound like the story of my life so I can’t complain too much.

We’re going home in a few days.

I’ll probably sleep with him again. Bet Steve’s shield that I do.

Jan. 24/21

Dear Jane,

I get three Steve’s shields because I was right every single fucking day.

He’s like a habit I can’t quite kick and don’t really want to.

We snuggled afterwards last night. His arm was around my shoulders, we were naked, I was resting my head on his chest. For a moment, it felt like something couples do and then I fell asleep and woke up alone.

Quantum physics is easier to understand than this but I think we’re being mutually exclusive right now, so it’s almost dating.

I dunno. I don’t mind it anymore. It’s better than nothing.

Feb. 2/21

Dear Jane,

I’m absolutely miserable.

I’m still getting laid, but that’s not related. Correlation and causation or something.

Why is New York so dreary and when can everything just stop?

I don’t know. Winter is ending and now it’s in that awful transition phase between seasons and it’s mucky and rainy and disgusting. Tony got these limited edition ice cream flavours though so I’m gonna ask James if we can make milkshakes out of them or something.

He doesn’t like the muck either. That’s not really relevant, I guess.

Feb. 14/21

Dear Jane,

I got flowers and chocolate from the department because I think they can sense I’ve been in a bad mood since forever. Then, there was an anonymous delivery and inside was this gorgeous chain bracelet that matches the necklace sort of. I lied and told the department it was from Pepper.

What a wretched holiday.

Yours truly.

Feb. 18/21

Dear Jane,

Normally, when boys get their haircut, they look ugly for a day or two after.

Not James.

He got his hair cut shorter and he looks really good. Like unbelievably good. Short hair fits him just as much as long hair does.

No other observations.

Feb. 25/21

Dear Jane,

It was Morgan’s birthday party today. James came in one of those brown jackets with the sheepskin wool inside and he looked so good. We mainly stayed apart to prevent any dalliance because one does not disappear from the Madame Secretary’s birthday party and the team doesn’t really know what’s happening behind the scenes except for Nat and Tony, really.

I really wanted to kiss him in front of our friends. I caught him staring a few times, and every time, the smile seemed to vanish off his face.

I’m lying in bed and it feels pretty empty.

It occurs to me that I’ve been in love for a pretty long time and I’m not even in a relationship with the guy.

Energy could’ve been devoted to so many other things and I’d hate being in love if it weren’t for the fact that it’s James.

Again, love making me sappy and all that.

Feb. 28/21

Dear Jane,

Jane is such a common name. Some would call it plain yet it means gift from God.

I wonder if James knew that.

Mar. 10/21

Dear Jane,

It’s James’ birthday. Birthday sex is a requirement and a desire. I also got him a gift which is a pair of new black Timbs. I hope he likes them. I’m excited for cake, I guess. Morgan did my makeup but I’m gonna have to wipe it off for the small little party tonight.

I think, ordinarily, I’d be in knots because it’s James’ birthday and I love him and he’s my best friend, but I just don’t know. March is fairly boring and contemplative and rainy. Work is work. Helen Cho did a presentation on her Cradle technology. Very cool.

Mar. 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s raining and doesn’t feel like spring. Alpine vomited on my bed a few days ago because he’s not feeling well. James and I took him to the vet and he’s on antibiotics. Poor boy. He’s sleeping in the corner of my room right now while James is away on a mission. I think I’ll just work from my room for a bit until he’s feeling better.

Nothing much to report, which is why I didn’t write anything. The month passed by too quickly. James should be back by the end of the month. I miss him and not because of the sex. No one else who doesn’t work for me or pays me listens to me ramble on their own free will. Talking to screens just isn’t the same.

April 1/21

James got back really early this morning and I, by tradition, was awake. I sort of wish I wasn’t though. In true April Fool’s tradition, I made fun of him for being a day late to which he genuinely apologized. I told him to shower and get to sleep but he was in that mood where you’re so exhausted you’re wide awake.

James suggested we make really strong cocktails for each other as a celebration for an extraction mission completed successfully.

Who am I to say no to celebrating?

He really likes grapefruit juice so I made a REALLY strong Grapefruit Paloma. He made this really interesting drink that was purple and tasted like oranges and cranberries. A lot of blue curacao was in it so it was pretty bitter but it hit like a fucking truck which is probably why I didn’t understand anything he said at first.

He told me he loved me.

I think, somehow, he managed to get drunk after the Grapefruit Paloma and two more bottles of vodka. Don’t ask me how because Steve NEVER gets drunk. Maybe HYDRA-brand serum is faulty? I don’t know.

I asked if he knew what date it was. He laughed really loudly, said no, realized, stuttered apologies and then said it again.

It was the most perfect sound in the world and it was the best moment in recent history.

Or, the sickest practical joke.

Consensus not yet reached.

April 2/21

Dear Jane,

I asked if he remembered what happened yesterday morning.

He did not.

Sickest practical joke confirmed.

April 9/21

Dear Jane,

I’ve been avoiding writing because I’ve felt a whole lot of nothing. Everything is abysmal and James’ confession is all I can think about. Tony’s on my ass about slipping and he has half the mind to put me on paid leave until I get my shit together, both as the head of the department and as an agent.

Drunk words are sober thoughts, all that garbage.

I wish I could live my whole life drunk and honest. Maybe then I wouldn’t be in this situation where I’m stuck in eternal limbo with my best friend whom I’m in love with. Minus the drunk part.

Duty demands I return to this weathered journal until it’s finished so we’ll see. I might be back this month. Maybe not.

May 1/21

Dear Jane,

It rained a lot in April so now the flowers are blooming early. April showers bring May flowers. Guess it has some merit to it.

Limbo sucks. Its inescapable nature, its terrible facade of everything seeming fine when it really isn’t.

Of course, James still makes me smile, but nothing seems really okay when I let myself stop for a second.

I’m going out with Steve to a charity thing tomorrow. Should be a few hours worth of not thinking and free booze. Oh, and James and I made out in one of the quinjets after dinner today.

Felt weird considering we aren’t a couple, but it happened spontaneously as that is the nature of our relationship, it appears.

The cause also happens to be the cure of melancholy. Weird.

May 6/21

Dear Jane,

For context, it’s 5:23AM.

Went for a walk in Madison Square and then Central Park with James yesterday, although in my head it’s still today. We met up with Nat for some training at the gym. Got a bit mobbed by fans and the paps who asked if we were dating like we’re the tabloid’s biggest scoop.

We weren’t even holding hands, but I guess it’s just another reason why we shouldn’t be TOGETHER together in public.

We had another deep stuff talk again in bed after the usual business. I wanted to ask what this is between us and if he’s pursuing other options, because I’m not and I wanted to know if I should, but I also didn’t want to ruin the vibe.

He was in a good mood today, and seeing as sometimes he has nightmares, I thought it was best I don’t ruin it. He thinks I don’t notice but how do I not notice? He’s my best friend.

I kissed his cheek when he got up to leave and he kissed me goodbye on the lips.

I guess that means something.

May 17/21

Dear Jane,

In a moment of complete boredom, I listened to Imagine Dragons’ new album. It wasn’t too bad, to be honest, but Sharon thought it could’ve been better. Whatever.

May 22/21

Dear Jane,

Ran into ex-Girlfriend today. She still has that whole sunshine thing going on still. We had coffee and she asked if I got together with James yet.

I choked on my coffee and nearly died on the spot.

That’s how I learned that James apparently broke it off softly and ex-Girlfriend had, very wisely and knowingly, said that he should chase the apple of his eye before I (the apple) rotted alone and forgotten at the trunk of the tree. Or, as any sane person would say (and ex-Girlfriend DID say), get picked from the tree by another hand.

She said it was quite obvious that I was in love with James even months ago. She also thanked me for being so nice, anyway, and that it must’ve been difficult. What a fucking SAINT.

I set her up with a date with Steve because they have the same energy, honestly, and that’s going down on the 26th barring any emergencies.

Call me Cupid, but I think I just constructed the perfect match made in heaven.

Mentioned this meeting to James minus the apple detail. He asked if she was doing okay, which she was, and seemed glad for that. Between kisses and his sneaking hand beneath the covers, he also asked if there was anything else. Not really much to say on that front.

June 3/21

Dear Jane,

It’s starting to dry up consistently, now. It’s getting warmer, too. Sam brought me flowers and told me to at least turn the air-con on if I was gonna be stuck in the lab all day. Oh, the simplicities of summer are hopefully returning. Got out early and hung out with Morgan at the park in the evening.

It’s nice to hang out with someone so blissfully unaware with the stupidity of love. All Morgan cares about is grass and buttercups she grabs from the ground. She doesn’t have to worry about how to tell the guy she’s in love with that she loves him.

Oh, didn’t you hear? Nat said I should just buck the fuck up and tell him.

And Nat is scary when not listened to.

Much to brainstorm about.

June 14/21

Dear Jane,

Just here to brainstorm some ideas for future Stark Industries projects and thought I’d preface it with a small diary entry. Nothing really happened. Work’s catching up for some reason and bad guys are acting up. I’ve pulled a few all nighters, not gonna lie.

Really tired, but in a good, productive way. Haven’t thought much on the James front. Gonna have to focus on that after everything calms down.

June 20/21

Dear Jane,

It’s officially summer and yet today was awful with only subtle hints of being okay.

So much for simplicity.

In the evening, I read on the hammock on the balcony. No one really bothered me except James, but he’s never a bother.

Steve and ex-Girlfriend (who will now be reidentified as Girlfriend) are pretty cute, and she meshes well with the group. There’s nothing really awkward between her, James, or me, so I guess two people’s summers are going well. Bully for them.

Didn’t really eat. Was too busy working. James got me dinner. Didn’t feel right and just kept working. This whole agreement between us has been very flexible but we really need to fit in a session soon.

I’ll make it work somehow.

June 22/21

Dear Jane,

I got my wish and didn’t at the same time. We spent the whole day in the sheets (very blissfully relaxing) and I, stupidly and with very little sleep, let it slip.

In less elegant terms, I told him I loved him. It felt very real and genuine and very-out-of-a-movie, but his reaction was less so.

What did I say? Allergic to intimacy.

He tried to play it off as best friends and even that was uncomfortable, but I, very seriously and very foolishly, corrected him that “no, James Buchanan Barnes, I am IN LOVE with you.”

He left a few minutes ago, saying something about heading down to the gym, but I know he’s just trying to avoid me.

God, how am I so stupid?

June 25/21

Dear Jane,

I haven’t seen James in a few days. I thought he was avoiding me but turns out he’s out of the country. Something about protection for whatever dignitary is travelling at the end of the month. I don’t know.

I wasn’t assigned to that op so the details weren’t shared liberally. Sam just said it’d be a while during the ambassador’s entire stay. High threat level which is why the Avengers were contracted.

I just hope he stays safe. I know he probably took off to take his mind off things, but I don’t know how he’s focusing when all I can think of is those three little words.

I love you.

Seems so fake the more I hear it in my head, but his reaction was so real that I think I might’ve just irreversibly messed things up.

July 12/21

Dear Jane,

It’s been a hectic couple of weeks. If future me finds this with blotted words, it’s because I am indeed crying while writing this.

James was medically evac’ed last night and transferred back to New York. Helen Cho was flown in from her medical conference in Minnesota where she was showcasing the newest version of the Cradle.

There was an assasination attempt and James is fucked up bad.

Holy shit, I’m so scared. I’ve never been so scared in my life. It’s like an invisible demon has my heart in his claw-like hands and he’s squeezing with all his might. I think my heart might explode.

I just want to hold his hand but he’s so high risk no one’s allowed to see him right now.

The waiting room is too quiet. Steve’s holding on to Girlfriend’s hand so hard I think her bones are broken but she’s taking it like a champ. Nat’s pacing, slowly patting a sleeping Morgan who she’s carrying. Sam and Tony are talking about stuff.

It’s too quiet.

I’m so scared.

July 13/21

They got him into the Cradle. Thank God. I think I might cry some more out of relief, but he was conscious for a few minutes earlier and he’s stable now.

It’s really late at night but they extended privileges to me to stay with him so I’m just sitting here, writing. Listening to the Cradle do its thing and the monitors do theirs.

When he was conscious, I was with him. He said some stuff under his breath but the one thing I could make out was “I’m an idiot.”

Granted, he’s right. It was supposed to be Steve or Tony on that mission. You know, people with more defense op experience, but he had to go out and volunteer himself.

I feel sort of guilty.

It’s partially my fault, isn’t it?

I think I’ll try to tuck in for tonight. I wanna be awake when he wakes up, too.

July 14/21

Dear Jane,

James woke up today. He’s still in the Cradle (lots of internal damage spread throughout the body) but he’s conscious. He saw me and immediately tried to sit up which was sweet, but when he couldn’t, he just told me to come closer and then told me that he loved me.

I called him an idiot for running away. I told him he really scared me. I told him that I loved him so fucking much. I told him that I feel so guilty and he just held my face and said that it will never be my fault.

He’s so fucking romantic, even when he’s lying down with a wound being stitched closed live in front of my eyes.

Oh, and he kissed me. I don’t think I noticed how much I actually missed him until that moment.

I don’t know how to describe the feeling in my chest. It’s a mixture between super happy and super scared and super, super warm inside. Summer might be looking up.

July 18/21

Dear Jane,

We got home today. James is staying in my room. The team doesn’t say anything about it. We’re best friends, after all, but I think they’ve known for a long time that there’s something more. Some of them are just too polite to say so.

I won’t have much time to write over the next couple of days. James has to be kept on a strict, extremely healthy diet and medicine regime.

I don’t care. I’m just glad he’s home.

He’s kissing me a lot more, now. Alpine likes the fact that his two humans are now in the same room. He purrs so loudly, I can hear him from where he’s dozing, curled up underneath James’ chin. He (James) is resting after his second round of antibiotics for the day while I work from my room, and sometimes I catch myself looking back just to make sure he’s okay.

I’m going to go kiss him now.

Be right back.

July 21/21

Dear Jane,

It’s almost Nat’s birthday (the 26th). Super exciting. James is back on solids and I’m helping him around with walking. Even with the Cradle and the healing factor, he’s still super banged up, so it’s better safe than sorry.

We had a really long talk about love and stuff. It’s good to finally have it out in the open. It was mostly me talking about my side of things and he just nodded a lot. I know he was listening though.

We also kissed a lot, like seventeen year old couples who are heavy on the PDA, but within the privacy of my room. I dunno. I like the heat of his arms and the way he kisses the shell of my ear when he’s bored or it’s a commercial break.

It feels very natural.

I am very much in love with him.

I tell him that and he always looks skeptical, but whatever. He doesn’t have to say it back (I tell him that there’s no pressure) and he’ll get it through his thick skull eventually that he’s now stuck with me.

July 25/21

Dear Jane,

We made cookies in the early AM as tradition for the party tomorrow and I told him that I love him (again, but this time he didn’t run, nor has he the past few times. Fantastic).

While the cookies were baking, he explained everything on his side of the story: how he was scared to be vulnerable, how opening up to me is just different and new and scary and I get it. I really do. I know how it feels to think you don’t deserve good things and sabotage feels like the only way to save everyone from hurt.

He smiled a lot more after that. I guess he’s just glad I get it.

One day, I’ll successfully convince James that he deserves everything good this world has to offer.

Until then, I’ll just keep trying.

P.S. He said, with less hesitation than the first time, that he loves me, too. Best. Day. Ever.

P.P.S. The cookies are so good and I want to devour them all. I could barely stop James from eating all of them. Again: Best. Day. Ever.

July 26/21

Dear Jane,

In summary of today:

Happy birthday, Natasha.

James has been given the clear bill of health which is exciting. Also, I asked him about the Jane and gift of God thing.

He knew. “Intuition” and all that. He also said I looked “like a royal dame” in my swimsuit. Smug idiot just trying to be charming.

I love him and that’s the only reason it works.

Back to the festivities.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

Good morning to you and to James who’s still in my bed at a ripe 6:23AM, fast asleep.

Progress. Now, back to sleep.

July 27/21

Dear Jane,

It’s now 9:49AM and James greeted me with orange juice and waffles. He said I was cute when I slept. Creep.

He also said he tried so many times to stay in my bed after, before we were like we are now, but he never could, and now he’s upset that he missed out on my cute sleeping/waking up for the day face every time he did so.

He is exceptionally cute when he’s pouting.

I think we’re officially boyfriend-girlfriend, but we’ll work out the semantics on that later. For now, it’s another summer day together. He suggested Chinese takeout for dinner because I have to go dip back into the lab later today to check on some samples.

I agreed and he kissed me in promise like it was our “thing.” I can’t stop smiling like an idiot.

Massive progress.

July 28/21

Dear Jane,

He told me I was the only one for him.

Also, he kissed me in front of our friends for the first time. Natasha yelled “FINALLY” and pushed us into the pool. Sam laughed and then I grabbed him and threw him into the pool. Ensuing: a water fight for the ages.

For a day: 10/10

July 31/21

Hey Jane,

I think I’m happy.

I’m sorry I ever doubted the effects of writing down my feelings.

James has a romantic trip to uptown planned for our first date and he said it’ll take the whole day so I thought I’d get this entry in the morning. I dunno. It’s really early and the happy thought was the first thing that came to my head.

Weird, but it’s a good weird.

See you in a bit.

518 notes · View notes

official-weasley · 3 years

Text

Meant to Be (Charlie Weasley x OC)

What happens when Bill brings home a girl and Charlie is completely awestruck by her?

Dear reader,

what's the number one bro code? Never steal your brother's girl. Ever. Just don't do it. It's wrong!

But what if- No.

Just forget about it. It's too much work. And the drama that comes after. And then the whole family is involved. It's just not worth it. Leave it alone. Walk away. End of story.

But what if she is the most beautiful girl you have ever seen? And you have a lot in common? And you have a connection? Not the cheesy kind. The real kind. The one that everybody dreams about but never wants to admit it. What if you feel something you never did before and somehow, without knowing how, you know that she feels the same? What if she is everything you ever wanted? And is the first girl that you can see yourself having a future with?

What do you do then? Do you tell your brother?

Is it going to be easy? No. It's going to be hell but you ride through it anyway.

Love, Charlie

CHAPTER 1

Bill

“Bill.” I lifted my head, hearing my name. My boss was standing in the doorway, his expression telling me I will not like what he is about to say. I nodded my head, inviting him in.

“I am sorry to barge in on you like this and trust me if I could, I would ask anyone else, but…” He sighed and stopped avoiding my eyes. “This must get into the right hands and I trust you the most.” My eyes went from his to the pile in his hands.

“You want me to go to Gringotts and deliver these papers?” I smiled. It really wasn’t a big deal. I did it all the time and I had an excuse to see her.

“I know you’re supposed to go home tomorrow for the Christmas holidays and I always do this to you and…”

Derek was an amazing boss. He was strict and knew how to be harsh but deep inside he was the nicest person you can meet.

“Derek, it’s not a problem, really.” I reassured him. I could see relief in his expression. “I wanted to go there before I leave to the Burrow anyway.”

“You’re finally going to do it?” He smirked at me. I felt my cheeks turn pink and I sucked in a breath. I had to keep it together in front of him even though he was the only one who knew I had a thing for Rhylee.

“I’m just inviting her to spend the holidays with my family. Nothing big.” I lied.

“Oh, c’mon! Ask her out already!” Derek rolled his eyes. “I don’t have enough paperwork for you to apparate from Egypt to London once per week to see her.” He laughed.

“Ha-ha. Very funny. I’ll ask her once we get back.” I took the papers from his hands. “If she’ll say yes, of course.”

“You have been friends with her for almost 3 years and you fancy her for more than half of that, what’s with the stalling?” He crossed his arms on his chest.

“Give me a break, it’s complicated.” I sighed.

“That’s an excuse and you know it.” He tapped my shoulder and started towards the door. “Just do it before you get even deeper into the friendzone.” He said and walked out.

—

He was right. I was stalling and at this point, I didn’t even know why I was doing it.

I met Rhylee almost 3 years ago when I was bringing a treasure chest to Gringotts. Because it was really valuable, I had to take it all the way down to the most secured vault. That was the first time I saw a dragon. I heard a rumor that the Bank had them guarding the most secured vaults in the entire facility but I thought it wasn’t true.

I wasn’t as big on dragons as my brother Charlie, but even I thought it wasn’t fair to them. They were keeping them in the damp, dark corners of the cave systems. No sunlight, no freedom. And they were keeping them a secret. Only people who worked at Gringotts and a few others, Curse Breakers like me, knew about them.

I wasn’t careful when I approached the vault I had to store the chest in. They forgot to tell me that I was supposed to announce myself to one of the dragon tamers so that they would hold off the creature. The dragon launched at me, almost roasting me with its flames. It was Rhylee who saved me. I was lucky she was there to feed it.

She came out of nowhere and handled that dragon like it was nobody’s business and she still managed to look absolutely beautiful while doing so. She asked me if I was insane and what I was doing so deep down, her wand ready to duel me.

She thought I was trying to break into one of the vaults. I didn’t blame her. I was probably the only idiot who went so deep under the Bank without an escort. I explained my business and she started laughing when she realized that nobody told me about the procedure of getting to the high-security vaults.

After telling me that I can’t come down here unannounced, badge or no badge and that I always have to have one of the Dragonologists with me if I don’t want to be eaten, she accompanied me to the vault.

I encountered her a few more times after that and we always ended up chatting. Her determination and love for her job grew on me and I invited her for launch. We quickly became really good friends and I visited her every time I happened to be at the Bank.

My boss, Derek, accompanied me a few months ago when I was supposed to deliver another chest. I introduced him to Rhylee and he quickly caught on that I fancy her and I haven’t heard the end of it since.

Because we discovered a new tomb, there was a lot of paperwork that needed to be delivered to Gringotts lately. Derek, knowing that I would be able to see her and because he trusted me the most, gave the job to me almost every time. I went from visiting Diagon Alley a couple of times per month to a couple of times per week. I felt like a mailman but I didn’t mind. I could see and talk to Rhylee and I could have launch with her.

We became such good friends and I had trouble reading her that's why I was so hesitant to ask her out. I didn't want to ruin our friendship or make her uncomfortable but it was getting quite hard being just her friend. We are both single and at this point, I have nothing to lose.

She once told me that she is not that close with her family and wrote in one of her letters that she will probably work for Christmas. I think it's the perfect opportunity to finally ask her out.

I had everything planned out. I would visit her at her work before I leave for the Burrow. Or, since I have to go to Gringotts anyway when I take the papers I will visit her then. I will invite her to spend Christmas with me and my family. Even if I didn't fancy her, I wouldn't want a friend spending Christmas at work or alone. I will introduce her to my family and when we return I will ask her out before we part ways once we get back.

To say that I was nervous was an understatement. I had no idea what to expect. I don't know how she will react or what her answer will be. Rhylee puts animals above everything else. She loves her job more than anything and those two dragons in the vaults were more family to her than all her relatives combined.

She was very talkative but never told you more than you needed to know. I know all about her family and how annoyed she is that her co-workers don't care about the creatures as much as she does. I know she owns a Kneazle and lives with a roommate in a small apartment in London. She graduated from Beauxbatons Academy of Magic a year after I graduated from Hogwarts and she was sorted into Bellefeuille.

She never talked about any of her friends besides her roommate Lyla. I wouldn't even know she was single if I haven't met Lyla one day when Rhylee and I were having coffee in Diagon Alley and she teased her about one of her co-workers.

She didn't seem particularly interested in dating and never gave any signs that she might fancy me back.

That was probably the reason I was so hesitant to ask her out. I was afraid she would reject me, simply seeing me as a friend, and then it would get awkward between us. But as I said, my feelings for her are growing and I am willing to take the risk. If I can't gather up the courage to ask a girl out then I was sorted into the wrong house at school!

—

I took my jacket, grabbed the papers Derek left on my desk, and apparated to London. Firstly, I took the papers to the goblin, which probably found me suspicious that I was always there.

“What is this?” The goblin bowed his head, looking at the papers I laid in front of him.

“Mr. Boweman said these need to be filed right away.” I answered.

“And this is concerning?” The goblin continued, his eyes still on the pile.

“The new tomb in Luxor.” I dreaded talking to him. He always looked at me as if I was up to something and it was making me uncomfortable.

“Right.” He nodded. “Is there a reason he is always sending you?” He narrowed his eyes at me.

“He told me that he trusts me the most.” I swallowed hard. This was worse than when mum was mad.

“Isn’t he aware of the rule that the messenger should always be a different person?” He questioned.

I simply shook my head. I had no idea if Derek knew this or not but I made a mental note to mention it to him. I didn’t want him to get in trouble and I definitely didn’t want to be interrogated by a goblin again.

“I don’t know. I will make sure to ask him when I get back.” I said quietly.

“Very well.” The goblin sighed and swung his hand, indicating that I should leave.

I took a step backward before turning on my heel and leaving his office. I closed the door and leaned on the wall next to it. I waited for my breath to steady and for my heart to get back to normal. I don’t know why but I was always intimidated by goblins. I would rather spend a week in a tomb fighting mummies in the dark than repeat that conversation.

Since I was at the office section of Gringotts I decided to check if Rhylee was at her desk before I go looking for her down at the vaults.

I made my way across the corridor and one floor up. I stopped in front of Rhylee’s office and knocked on the door.

“Rhylee, you in there?” I checked my watch. A quarter to five. Of course, she wasn’t. It was feeding time. “Damn it.” I didn’t like going down there.

“Bill!” I turned around and saw Lizzie, one of Rhylee’s co-workers. “Are you looking for Rhylee?”

“Yes. She’s with the dragons, isn’t she?” I tried to smile.

“Yeah. She and the rest of the team are preparing for our new arrival.” She grinned.

“A new arrival?” I asked puzzled.

“Didn’t she tell you? We’re getting a new dragon after the holidays.” I wish I could look as excited as she sounded.

“Another thing to fear when I take the treasure down.” I sighed.

“Don’t worry, we’ll protect you.” Lizzie chuckled and tapped my shoulder. “Come on, I’ll take you to her.”

We made our way down to the vaults and I was relieved that we didn’t encounter either of the dragons. It was a rare occasion and when I brought chests down here, I was always happy when it was feeding time. It was the only time I didn’t fear for my life. Once you get attacked by the biggest species of dragons, you don’t get over your fear so easily.

“Rhylee, Bill’s here to see you.” Lizzie shouted when we came to her group and took over for her.

“Bill! I thought you were supposed to travel home today.” She beamed at me. Her smile was priceless and I couldn’t stop my lips from spreading into one too.

“Paperwork, what can you do.” I shrugged my shoulders.

“Derek can’t let you go, huh.” She chuckled. “Want to feed Kyan?” Her question sent shivers down my spine.

Kyan was the Ukranian Ironbelly that almost turned me into dinner the day I’ve met Rhylee. She always did this to me if I came to see her during feeding time. She acted like the dragons weren’t one of the most dangerous creatures on the planet and wanted to help me get over my fear.

“No, thank you.” My voice barely audible, my eyes on the dragon.

“So what are you going to do for the holidays?” I decided to change the topic.

“As I wrote to you, I’ll be working.” Her eyes turning from me to Kyan.

“Why don’t you come with me?” I was proud of myself for how confident I sounded.

“What?” Rhylee looked back at me.

“I’m inviting you to spend Christmas with my family.” My heart started beating faster.

I hated that I couldn’t read her expression at all. This is why I didn’t ask her out yet. I could never figure out what was happening inside her head.

“Oh, Bill.” A smile spread over her lips.

That was a good sign, right?

“That is so kind of you.” She looked back at the dragon. “But I can’t. Lizzie is taking time off and she is the only one I really trust around here. You know that.” She whispered, careful not to be overheard.

“Come on. When was the last time you had a day off?” I tried convincing her.

I liked the confidence boost I got all of a sudden.

“True.” She sighed and bit her lip, thinking. “But I don’t know how long it will take to prepare everything today. We are getting a new dragon.” She jumped, clapping her hands.

“I heard. Lizzie told me.” I smiled.

Seeing her so excited fluttered the butterflies in my stomach.

“I am sorry that I have to turn you down, Bill.” She shook her head after a moment of silence. “I would love to meet your family but it’s really a bad time.”

I tried hiding the disappointment for which I was sure could be seen on my face. This was not what I’ve planned. I didn’t know they were getting a new dragon and I didn’t know Lizzie wouldn’t be here during the holidays. I was sure she would say yes and now I was without a plan.

“Listen.” Rhylee’s hand around my lower arm snapped me out of my thoughts as I was thinking of anything that could convince her to come with me. “Let me see how things go today. Perhaps I can take a few days off if we finish preparing everything. Merlin knows I could use some free time.” She said softly.

That made my day. There was still hope!

“Okay. I’m leaving tomorrow after work. Owl me?” I smiled and she nodded.

I told her that I will go back myself. I didn’t want to disturb her work and the sooner she gets back to it, the sooner they can finish. I apparated back to Egypt and entered my tent. I didn’t even have the time to take off my shoes when Derek entered.

“So, how did it go?” A smirk on his face.

“She’ll owl me tomorrow. They are getting a new dragon, so I don’t think she’ll be able to get time off.” I didn’t want to get my hopes up.

It was better to think that she will have to decline my offer.

“A bunch of rubbish.” Derek scoffed. “Why does she even have a team if she has to do everything on her own?”

“The only person she really trusts is visiting family for the holidays.” I answered.

“Then she needs a better team.” Derek said.

I don’t think that would help. Rhylee cared for those dragons more than I have seen anyone care for any animal. They were like her children and there was nobody good enough to trust them with except Lizzie. It was a miracle she even let her in charge from time to time.

“The goblins are getting suspicious.” I changed the subject.

I really didn’t want to talk about Rhylee anymore. It was enough that nothing went according to my plan.

“What about?” Derek frowned.

“Apparently, there is a rule that the paperwork needs to be delivered by a different person every time.” I raised my eyebrows.

“They’re joking!” He laughed. He disliked the goblins as much as I did. “I’ll send my grandmother next time, will that be better?” We both laughed.

—

The next morning I woke up to fluttering.

“What the…” I opened my eyes and saw an owl staring at me, its head tilted, with a letter in its beak.

“Thank you.” I said sleepily and gently took the envelope. I got up and reached for owl food on the top shelf in my kitchen. “Here you go. For your journey back.” I smiled.

I wish all creatures would be as lovely as owls.

I looked at the letter that I left on my bed and took a deep breath. I knew it was from Rhylee and I wasn’t sure I was ready to read the answer. I wanted to tell her how I feel. I was ready.

I wanted to do it after the holidays and yesterday when I couldn’t sleep I made up my mind that even if she would say no to going with me I would tell her when I get back. I had to at this point. I never had such problems with girls, not that I had many but I never hesitated so much to ask a girl out.

There was just something about Rhylee that made her stand out from all the rest. It wasn’t just that she was the most beautiful girl I have ever seen. It was the way she laughed. She never did if she didn’t find something funny. She never faked it.

It was the way she spoke about animals. With sparks in her eyes. It was how she made you belong and how honest she was no matter what you asked her. It was her positivity. She always made me feel like everything was going to be alright no matter what problems I had.

If there was anyone I saw spending the rest of my life with it was her.

I sighed and opened the envelope. “Come on, Bill. Don’t be such a coward.” I said to myself and spread open her letter.

Dear Bill,

I couldn’t stop thinking about your invitation yesterday. I don’t care much for the holidays but even I can’t deny that Christmas at the Burrow, your home about which you told me so much about, sounds so enticing.

We managed to prepare most of the things for our new arrival and I hope I didn’t make a mistake trusting Erica and Simon with Dash and Kyan. I told them that if anything happens to my babies I will do much worse to them than just fire them!

So I guess I am saying yes to your invitation. I hope this letter gets to you before you leave. Apparate to my apartment before you go home so we can go together, if your invitation still stands, of course.

Love, Rhylee

PS. I might bring some paperwork with me. I have to fill out about 20 forms for the Norwegian Ridgeback we are getting. I might get a few days off but unfortunately, I can’t avoid that! But you’re right. I do need some time off. I would probably work 365 days a year if it wasn’t for you.

I couldn’t believe it. I looked up from the letter, my mouth open. I started reading it again just in case I missed her saying no. She said yes! She’s coming with me. We’re spending the holidays together!

This means so much more than just her going to meet my family. Even though she was quite a private person, I knew I was one of her closest friends and I knew how hard it had to be for her to leave her work and leave the dragons with her team.

They were good at their job but they didn’t care as much as she did. They did what had to be done and left the second they could. She never did that. She always stayed. Always checked everything twice, three times even. She always made sure everything was okay before she went home. Made sure the dragons were as comfortable as they could be down there.

This was a big deal, leaving them behind. Leaving them with Erica and Simon, to not only take some time off, but to spend that time with me and my family. She could’ve easily stayed behind and said that she couldn’t leave the dragons alone. But she did it for me and she was excited to meet my family.

I had to sit down, my heart was beating so fast as I read the letter for what seemed like the fourth time. I sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly. I must keep it together.

I was now completely awake and I finally stopped thinking about her. A thought came to mind as if I was forgetting something. What was I forgetting? Was there something I had to do?

PACK!

I didn’t pack yet! I was so tired yesterday as I got late from work and I was going on and on in my head what would I do if Rhylee said no to my invitation that I completely forgot. I finally put the letter down, grabbed my wand, and started levitating clothes from my closet to my bag.

“So?” Derek barged into my tent as if he was living here. “I saw an owl flying out of your tent. What’s her answer?”

“She’s coming with me.” I buried my head into my sock drawer, pretending to look for something so that I could hide my red cheeks.

“I knew it!” He jumped. “I knew she fancied you back!”

“Slow down!” I laughed. “She only said yes to spending Christmas with me, I didn’t ask her out yet.”

“Right.” Derek said slowly. “Spending the most family-like holiday with you and your family in your cozy and loving home, as if you even need to ask her.” He winked at me.

I rolled my eyes at him. He might be right but I didn’t want to get my hopes up. She could still just see me as a friend and just want to escape her work for a few days. This didn’t mean anything.

“Can you get out so I can pack? You’re worse than my mum!” I narrowed my eyes at him, my hands on my hips.

“I can’t be. I love your mum but she can be scary.” Derek took a step back.

He met my family twice and seen my parents a few times when they visited me. He was my boss and I respected him. He was one of the best Curse Breakers I have ever met and I was humbled that he was my friend.

But it was the funniest thing ever to see him afraid of my mum. Not only did I tell him stories of her rage when my siblings and I were younger but he experienced it first-hand when he visited the Burrow with me last Summer and my mum lost it when Fred and George set an entire box of fireworks loose in the bathroom while she was in the shower.

“Stop nagging me and let me pack in peace!” I tried imitating my mum but I don’t think there was a person in the world who could do an impersonation of her.

“Alright, alright!” He laughed. “Say hi to Rhylee for me, will you!” He hurried out of the tent before I could throw a pair of socks at him.

I regret ever admitting to him I had a thing for her.

Now, where was I?

Packing, right!

#harry potter fanfiction #charlie weasley #charlie weasley fanfiction #the weasleys #weasley family #hp imagine #charlie weasley x oc #charlie weasley imagine #the burrow #harry potter imagine #weasley fanfiction #charlie weasley x mc #bill weasley #harry potter #wizarding world

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years

Text

[against all odds, your hand is in mine] [2/4]

Seasons change, and with each comes a different story. In a world where the dead roam around, romantic companionship seems unlikely. Yet Ericson stands, and within it are four couples who are proof that it's possible.

Summer: Clouis | sleepless nights, purple and orange skies, adventure, rooftops

Read on AO3

Notes: Hi. Have some clouis I wrote at 3 o’clock in the morning when I couldn’t sleep. Just as much hand holding and smoochin’ as the last one.

[screenshot used is from the lovely @pi-creates who also helped me figure out this damn school layout... well as much as possible. the school layout is wild.]

---

Clementine used to dread night.

Before she and AJ had a stable roof over their heads, comfortable beds to sleep in, and a room to call their own. That's when night used to weigh down on them. Many sleepless nights she would lay awake in the back seat of their car with AJ curled at her side. Every little noise kept her alert, feeding into her worry.

Noisy bugs, the coo of an owl, walkers groaning in the distance, hungry animals, and sometimes dangerous people trying to survive by any means necessary- they were what occupied her mind every damn night.

What if she fell asleep and walkers surrounded the car? What if scavengers broke in and took their stuff at gunpoint? What if the place they parked wasn’t safe? What if she couldn’t get to her bag in time, or the knife from beneath the seat?

Then night would end, dawn would break, and another morning sun would rise. They would survive all over again.

Sometimes dawn was worse. She always wanted to let AJ sleep just a little longer, but couldn’t. They were back on the road with empty stomachs and never enough sleep in their systems. The same thing every damn day. She would promise AJ they would find something, that one day they would find a safe place they could call home.

She was never sure that day would come, but it did.

They were saved after a car accident that should’ve left them to the walkers, and brought to Ericson’s Boarding School for Troubled Youth.

It wasn’t easy ensuring this place as a home for herself, AJ, and the rest she’s come to love as her family, but it was worth it. Clementine doesn’t have to sleep clutching a knife in her fist anymore or lay awake wondering when they’ll find their next meal.

She doesn’t even have to worry too much about her recovery.

The loss of a leg like that? Clementine knew she wouldn’t have survived that if they were still out on the road.

Everything they went through was worth it.

While walkers still roam and there are other dangers out there, most of her other troubles were in the past. She has family to rely on now. Aasim and Louis are by her side to keep things running smoothly. AJ takes on more responsibility the older he gets. Not everything falls on her.

The only things she should think about at night now are the good things. The fact that AJ sleeps peacefully in the bed across from her, and how Louis’ arm feels draped over her waist as he rests beside her. Sleep should be easy, and night shouldn’t be intimidating.

And yet, she lies awake with thoughts so loud and overwhelming, she’s surprised they don’t rouse the entire dorm. It doesn’t help that her leg has been bothering her with “ghost pains,” as Ruby calls it, and the dorms are sweltering from the heatwave this week, leaving the air stuffy and uncomfortable. Sweat sticks to her brow and everything is uncomfortable. No matter what position she lays in, no matter how dark it is out or how open the window is, there’s no escape from any of it.

It’s hot enough that Louis suggested he sleep in the other bunk for the night so that they didn’t smother each other. They both knew that wasn’t going to happen, but it’s sweet that he tried. They’ve shared this bed for over a year now, and even though his arm is heavy and does nothing but make her warmer, it’s harder to sleep without him there.

He even tried his best to sleep as close to the wall so he could give her more space, but no matter what, he always ends up rolling over closer to her.

With a small sigh, Clementine reaches up to feel atop the dresser beside the bed. First she grazes wood- her peg leg. Pushing that aside, she finds the water bottle she kept there. Maybe that’s what she needed. The heat always made her throat dry, and the air in here is so humid it’s nearly driving her insane.

Wrapping her fingers around Louis’ wrist, she lifts his arm to slide away as gently as she can so as to not disturb him. A quick, sharp pain shoots through her thigh, and she has to bite her lip to suppress a wince. It doesn’t linger, but damn, sometimes it’s enough to put her whole body into shock.

A soft gust hits her from the window as she sits at the edge of the bed, a small relief that goes as soon as it arrives. She hopes for more windy days. At least then the heat is bearable in the shade. When everything is still and the sun is in full bloom, there’s no escape.

Louis shifts, arm spreading out across the space she no longer laid. Something about that makes her smile. Most of his face is buried in the pillow, the rest obscured by his dreadlocks. She reaches over to brush them back. Her fingers linger after tucking them behind his ear, revealing his serene expression.

There were so many nights that Clementine slept alone in the woods. Before she got AJ back, there were nights where she was convinced she’d never sleep in another bed again.

Damn it.

These thoughts… they won’t go away.

The water is just as warm as everything else, but at least it leaves her a little less parched than before. What she would give for some ice. Hell, at this point, she’s tempted to hobble out of Ericson, down to the river, and fling herself into the cool water. She wouldn’t even care if she scared away all the fish or got all gross and muddy.

The heat of a hand brushing her back startles her, causing water to dribble down her chin.

Louis rubs soothing circles over the thin material of her t-shirt. Staring up at her through drowsy, lidded eyes, he sighs.

All thoughts of the river are gone.

“Clem?” His voice is rough, quiet.

She smiles down at him. His hand falls to rest against her arm as she whispers back.

“I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”

A hum sounds from his throat, and for a moment, she thinks he’s doing as she said. But instead, Louis props himself up on an elbow to better see her through the dark.

“Your leg?” he asks, cocking his head, his brow furrowed with a concern that spreads warmth through Clementine’s chest. “Is it bothering you?”

“Only a little,” she admits with a shrug, then offers him the water bottle. “More thirsty and sweaty, if anything. Hard to get comfortable in this heat.”

Louis takes a swig of water, grimacing at the taste. “That all?”

“Mostly.”

“Bad dream?”

“Have to sleep long enough to dream.”

“Ah,” he says. Closing up the water bottle, he scoots closer to her kiss her clothed shoulder, resting his chin there. “What’cha thinkin’ about?”

“Everything, nothing,” she tries, relaxing against him. “I don’t know.”

“Wanna talk about it?”

“The everything, or the nothing?”

“Whichever.”

“Nah, I don’t want to keep you up.”

“Too late, love,” he yawns. “I’m wide awake.”

She smiles. “You sound it.”

“Mmhmm.”

Clementine rubs her heavy eyes, and her hand falls into her lap only to be grabbed by him. A bit of embarrassment washes over her knowing how sweaty her palms are, but Louis doesn’t seem to mind.

“It’s hot,” he grumbles when she doesn’t speak. “It’s bullshit.”

She really must be tired because she nearly chokes on a laugh. Her other hand presses against her mouth, and she freezes to check on AJ. He’s still fast asleep, sprawled over the bed and snoring. Louis chuckles into her shoulder.

Despite complaining about the heat, Louis presses closer to where he’s almost beside her. He watches outside the window. It’s not as dark as it was when they were laying in bed. Dawn’s coming, and that makes her sigh. Her only consolation is that even though she knows she’ll be tired all day, maybe it'll be enough to make her want to sleep when night comes once more.

Louis hums, and then pulls away so quick, she almost falls back. When he speaks her name, he’s strangely serious.

“Clementine?”

She loves the way he says her full name. She never told him that, but somehow he was able to figure it out.

“You up for a little adventure?” he asks.

She raises a questioning brow at him. “Uh, what kind of adventure?”

He’s out of bed, silently moving about as he whispers, “That’s for me to know and you to find out.” He grabs her slipper and his boots from the corner, and her makeshift peg leg from the dresser.

“Right now?”

She’s sure by “adventure” he means playing piano in the common room until morning arrives and they have to get the day started, but it’s a bit early for that. Usually, their piano lessons are in the evening time.

Louis kneels down in front of her to help secure her peg leg. She waves him away with a suppressed giggle when he tries to slide her slipper on like in that old princess cartoon. Both hands in his, he pulls her up from the bed, only to then grab her crutches. Odd.

She’s gotten better at balancing on her peg leg for short distances, only using crutches on busy days where she needs the extra support.

“You’ll need them for where we’re going,” he explains, handing them to her.

“The common room isn’t that far.”

“Who said anything about the common room?”

Before she can respond, he grabs two pillows from the top bunk above their bed and presses a finger to her lips. He nods over at AJ, who’s still fast asleep. They try to sneak out as soundlessly as possible, but that’s hard with how loud her crutches tend to be when moving. Luckily, they don’t seem to disturb the slumbering boy.

They’re hit with the refreshing morning air as soon as they step outside. Louis walks ahead of her, stretching his arms high above his head and letting out a yawn that turns into a satisfied groan. Clementine inhales as much as her lungs allow her, the scent of cool dirt and something floral an intoxicating combination.

“Y’know, I’m not much of a morning person,” Louis says. “It’s a shame.”

“Neither am I.”

They’re both notorious for sleeping in and being the last ones up. Might be due to them being night people or having troubling sleep patterns. Either way, AJ usually has to shake them awake, and even then, they end up lying in bed until they have to get a move on.

“And yet, you’re up so early.”

“Funny,” she knocks into his shoulder with a smile. “So are you.”

“Who do we think we are?”

Louis wraps an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close enough to plant a quick kiss on her temple. Together they head into the admin building, passing the common room to make the slow climb up the stairs.

“So, where exactly are we going?” she asks. “Because if it’s to play piano, we missed our turn.”

Louis winks back at her. “You’ll see.”

“You have another secret piano that I don’t know about?”

“I wish, but no.”

When he brings her through a blocked-off hallway, they have to climb over a bunch of furniture and debris. She damn near gets stuck, but Louis is able to lift her up with ease. He’s gotten good at that.

She’s never been through this part of the school. It’s more decrepit than the main parts of the school she sees every day. From what she can tell, the rooms aren’t classrooms, but maybe they used to be offices? Who knows, most of the lettering on the plaques are falling apart.

At the end of the hall, there’s a ladder leading through a hole in the ceiling.

“Uhm…?

“I take it you’ve never been to the attic?” he asks, noting her puzzlement.

“Nope. I didn’t even know this place had one.”

“It’s pretty spooky up there. Lot’s of big spiders, maybe a couple of bats, and possibly a boogeyman. And a lot of old teacher shit,” Louis gives a disgusted shiver. “I think the headmaster kept some of his things up here, too. Been a while since I’ve snooped around.”

“You want to look through the headmaster’s things, or are we here to fight this boogeyman?”

“No, and no,” Louis smirks, and tosses his pillows up one at a time before stepping aside and motions for her to go first.

“Are you sure this thing’s stable?” she asks, wigging the ladder. Dust puffs all around it. It clearly hasn’t been used in a long time.

“No,” he replies, “but I’ll be right here to catch you if you fall.”

“And what if we both fall?”

“Then I’ll break your fall, and you’ll break my ribs.”

She rolls her eyes. “Great.”

It’s tricky climbing such a steep ladder, but he’s right behind her to keep her steady.

The musty heat of the attic hits her first, nearly making her gag. It’s not as dark as she expected, but there is something eerie about the unknown shadows of everything stored up here. It's the kind of place where your eyes play tricks on you, making you believe things are all around you, ready to pounce. She gets another whiff of something moldy and wrinkles her nose. Dirt and dust stick to her legs and shorts, and her hand brushes something sticky, like a bundle of webs. God, she hopes she doesn’t get spiders in her hair. It’s longer and curlier than it’s ever been, and she doesn’t even have her hat to protect it.

“This is…” she trails off.

“Super romantic?” Louis questions as he climbs up the ladder. She doesn’t even need to see him to know amusement's plastered all over his face.

“No. Not even a little. It’s gross.”

Louis laughs, helping her up to wipe the grime off her back.

“Not much has changed,” he says, peering around. “Except I think something died up here? Though I don’t think I need to know for sure, and that’s not why we’re here anyway.”

He leads her over to one of the double windows, the one with the least amount of breakage. Grunting, he tries to force the rusted lock to detach. She gets a good grip on the other end, and on the count of three, they pull. Once loose, the window slides up with little effort. The problem is the remaining glass. It cracks and drops to the wooden floor, shattering.

“Damn it,” Louis curses, doing his best to kick the shards out of the way. “Here, I’ll go first, just watch where you step. That’ll go right through your slipper.”

“Yeah, that’s what I need. An infection in my other foot,” she mumbles more to herself, but Louis snorts a dry laugh anyway. She hands him the pillows and her crutches before bending through the open window herself.

It leads to the balcony overlooking the entire yard. It’s much bigger than the broken balcony outside the office, the one beneath them. It’s perhaps more than twice its size. Finally, the stench of the attic is gone with the brush of the wind. Not too strong, but enough to cool the dampness of her skin. She closes her eyes, breathing it in.

“Y’know, if we told Ruby about what’s in there, she’d have a heyday tearing it apart,” says Louis.

“She’d make you help her clean it out.”

“Well, hey, let’s not get too crazy,” Louis laughs. “I think she’d rather have Aasim’s help. It can be their special project.”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure he’d love that.”

Clementine’s never been up here on this balcony. She always wondered how to get up here and what the purpose of it is. Why have two dormers of the slanted roof leading to an unusable balcony?

Hell, when Mitch and Aasim hung the threatening banner across the admin building for the raid, she assumed they climbed up from the outside. She had no idea the windows opened from inside the attic.

“Huh…”

Turning from the roof, she heads to the end of the balcony. From here she can see far over their walls and through the miles of trees that are nothing more than black silhouettes against the lightening sky. It’s not the highest point overlooking the school, but it’s enough to make her a bit woozy when she looks straight down over the edge.

“Wow.”

“Pretty nice, huh?” Louis says over his shoulder. “It’s a wonder we don’t come up here anymore. The view is worth braving the attic.”

Realizing he’s not standing with her, Clementine curiously watches him throw the pillow onto the pitched roof. They slide down a little before sticking against the worn and sun-damaged tiles. She knows there isn’t anything flat on top, though. It’s an edge, so what’s he doing?

“Uh, Louis?”

“Tell me something, Clem,” he says, bracing himself against the wall of the dormer as he climbs the slope. He climbs on top of it with ease, snatching back the pillows as he asks, “When was the last time you woke up early, sat down, and enjoyed a good sunrise?”

The question isn’t what Clementine expected. Truth be told, she’s watched the sunrise many times. All those sleepless nights that occupied her thoughts tonight, they all ended with her watching with a pit in her stomach as the sunrise brought morning.

But thinking about it now, she hasn’t watched a sunrise since…

“Well, the last sunrise I saw was when I was bitten,” she says slowly. “AJ and I walked through the woods and didn’t stop until morning, but I guess that doesn’t really count. I wasn’t sitting… and I wasn’t paying too much attention to it. I was worried about other things.”

Louis is quiet, and she can tell he’s panicking, second-guessing himself.

“I’m sorry,” he finally says. “I uh… I didn’t mean to bring that up. I forgot that you… shit.”

“No, no,” she shakes her head, moving away from the edge. “Louis, it’s okay. I know.” She sets her crutches against the other dormer and smiles. “You gonna help me up?”

Relief loosens his shoulders, and he grins back. She can still see the uncertainty lining his dark eyes, and makes a note to reassure him once she gets up there.

Locking his hand with hers, Louis helps pull her up to him. He loops an arm around her waist, and with ease, she’s sitting on top of the dormer's roof, facing him. She can see why he brought pillows. This would be painful without them. It takes them a moment of shifting and fussing with the pillows before they find a comfortable position. Facing where the sun would eventually rise, they sit close with their legs laying off the side.

They both catch their breaths, and Clementine places a hand over his that rests comfortably on her thigh.

“You good? How’s your leg?’ he asks.

“A little sore, but that’s nothing new.” She brings his wrist to her lips. “Thank you.”

He chuckles a bit, tipping his head forward as if to hide his smile. That wouldn’t do. Leaning forward, Clementine caught his lips with hers for a quick kiss, only for it to be broken when she nearly lost her balance.

“Don’t fall off!” he exclaims, clutching her waist. “If you fall, I’m gonna have to fall after you, and it’ll be embarrassing when the others find us all mangled up here.”

"Don't worry, I'll break your fall."

"Ha ha."

She follows his gaze to the sky.

It’s light blue now, almost a cool gray with wisps of burgundy clouds, and all the stars are gone. It’s peaceful, the ambiance of rustling leaves and birds chirping their morning songs soothing. The breeze even brings with it a chill that tingles through her arms.

It’s so much different up here than it was in the dorms, or even just in the yard. It’s crazy to her that not an hour ago, she was lying in her bed, uncomfortable… overwhelmed. Now, the smallest bit of glow teases behind the trees, and she can only think about how Louis’ hand in hers makes her chest swell.

It’s easier to keep those unwanted thoughts away, and she wonders if it’s silly to think that the thoughts can’t find her up this high. As if those miserable, painful memories couldn’t always find her.

Everything matters, and yet up here, so does nothing, and she’s strangely happy about that.

The radiating light blooms, warming blues into purples and oranges, light bleeding through the trees onto the grounds of Ericson. An amber cast washes over them and the dark rooftop.

It’s never looked like this before. Or if it did, she ignored it for years.

Clementine steals a glance at Louis, admiring the glow against his freckled skin. It reflects in his dark eyes. Her heart quickens. She always thought of him handsome, and he only grew more so the closer they became over the years.

But sitting here with him on the roof of the admin building, watching dawn break all the colors of the world, she could only think of him as beautiful. Not just because of his looks, or even the things he said to her tonight or any other night. It’s in the way he holds himself and who he was and who he became. It’s the way he smiles not only with his lips, but with his eyes. She trusts him. She hasn’t felt so safe in the arms of another since she was a little girl hugging her parents or entrusting her life with Lee, and that meant everything to her.

“We don’t have to talk about what’s bothering you,” Louis says suddenly. “I just want you to know that I’m here, okay?”

He’s watching her now, studying her now that he’s caught her staring.

“It doesn’t matter,” she manages, voice coming out much shakier than intended.

“Yes, it does.”

“I don’t want to think about the past.”

Louis kisses her wrist. “Okay.”

That’s more than enough reason for her to lean over and hug him, and when his arms wrap around her, she decides she wants to stay up here. She’d give up sleeping in, her worst habit, to do this again.

He kisses her slow, hand brushing the back of her neck to curl in her hair. She shivers, bringing him closer than before to deepen the kiss. They’ve done this hundreds of times before, but kissing Louis never fails to make her forget everything else, even if only for a fleeting second.

Nothing else. Just right now.

"Clementine."

This moment.

His lips on hers.

The sun. The morning air.

These feelings.

Like every day, the sun rises, and it’s another day.

#[against all odds your hand in is mine]#twdg clouis #twdg clementine #twdg louis #clouis #clementine twdg #louis twdg #twdg louisentine #louisentine #summer: clouis #thank you for reading #it's super appreciated! :D #twdg fanfics #twdg fanfiction

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mirkwoodshewolf · 3 years

Text

A new kind of competition RA on the Masked singer pt. 1

*Author’s note*

Hey guys well like I said on my last post, this is the 1st part of my Masked Singer chapter. And let me just tell you after literally MONTHS of trying to figure out a playlist for this chapter I FINALLY came to a good playlist that I could see the Rock Angel doing if she were to compete in the Masked Singer. So follow along and listen to the songs I’ve listed if you really wanna get into the mood of it and I hope you all enjoy this fun little chapter and until next time :)

Taglist:

@bohemiansweede

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@simonedk

@queensdivas

@queen-paladin

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queendeakyy

@5sos-wdw

@wormzteef

@geek-and-proud

@starswin

@labessieisallama

@isabella-bby

@naturalswifty89

@ssa-sadboi

@onebigfangirlworld

_________________________________________________________

*February 2021*

This was a whole new game changer for me, but I’m happy I signed up for it. While visiting my son Georgie (through a very brief period when the pandemic was at a standstill, before the States closed down again), I had been asked by the Producers of NBC’s “The Masked Singer” if I’d be willing to participate in the show.

Having seen the show through Youtube videos and even seeing the UK’s version of it back home during our lockdown, I immediately hopped on board and said I would do it. But of course being as secretive as this show was, they forbad me from telling anyone or announcing it on Social media, if I even breathed a word of my appearance on the show to anyone, they’d revoke it and kick me out of the show.

The character that they had chosen for me was the Lioness and boy was she a gorgeous creature. Much like how they had the Lion all the way back in Season one, she was pure gold however she wasn’t covered with armor like the Lion was. I had asked for some flexibility to the outfit cause I wanted to give the audience a side of me that they’ve never seen before. I wanted to be able to move much like Bow-Wow did on the last season of the Masked Singer as the Frog.

They took some of my ideas into consideration on allowing the outfit to have that flexibility for me to dance my heart out. I wore platform high-heeled boots much like I always did back when I first started off as the Rock Angel.

I also wanted to honor Freddie in a way with my outfit. I had asked for the gloves if it could be possible if we could add some diamond claws. I showed them (whatever pictures I could find of the 1974 Rainbow concert. Thank you all for the lovely gifs) just so they could get the idea and when the costume dept. saw it, they fell in love with the idea. They even agreed to shape the diamonds as real lioness claws.

Once the costume was fully complete and I got to put it on for the first time, it felt like I had actually become The Lioness. Of course it came with a price too, I wasn’t allowed to talk to anyone, even when I just had to go around with the mask, I was given the famed DON’T TALK TO ME black hoodie so that no one was able to hear my real voice.

I was also forbidden from talking to the other contestants as well as hear them rehearse until we would begin filming the episodes. I was placed into GROUP B along with creatures such as the Piglet, Black Swan, the Chameleon, and Grandpa Monster. I was also told that there would be some major game changers this season but no one, not even the judges knew just what those changes were, only the Host.

Weeks and weeks of rehearsals and performing each of my songs that I had picked out and wanted to do, never did I think I’d get as far as I did. But I could care less about the trophy, I just enjoy singing and this was a whole new game changer cause now my fans get to see a whole new side of me that they never do get to see on stage with me.

Sure I’ve had courage to go up on stage constantly, overcome every obstacle known to man, hell even stay a sane person after having a rough childhood, but the Lioness has given me courage to do things that I’ve never done before on stage, whether performing with my boys, by myself, or with other singers that I’ve performed/toured with. Back then or present day.

And I hope you all can guess correct just who is beneath the Lioness mask. Enjoy my dears.

*GROUP B PREMIERE EPISODE*

“Alright! Alright! Alright!” the current host of MS5 Niecy Nash said after the last contestant Black Swan performed her opening song. “Now this next contestant is gonna prove that she belongs on this stage. Give it up….for the Queen herself! The Lioness!”

The crowd cheered and I walked out with the Men in Black strutting down with pride in each step. I greeted the audience with the royal wave before standing next to Niecy. Even though I could vaguely see out of this mask, I still had some sense of the stage.

“Oooo girl you are stunning to look at look at this ya’ll ain’t see a Queen or what?!”

“She looks amazing!” I heard Jenny exclaim.

“Yeah I’m jealous look at those claws of hers. I wish I had those.” Nicole stated. I gave them a sexy clawing motion with my hands as they all hooted and hollered.

“I agree with you Nicole. Now let’s find out some clues on just who this Queen Lioness is.” Through the TV, I knew my first clue package would be playing. Here’s out it went down.

You would see a 3 layered rock platform, on smaller rock, one slightly taller in the middle and finally a large boulder that stood tall like a throne with me sitting on top of it.

“Welcome to my Pride. Being the top lioness isn’t always easy but it’s all worth it in the end. Something that I believe the world could benefit from.” The screen would change to me walking along a virtual plain with various animals. “Growing up, we weren’t allowed to really show our true colors as much as we can now. If you were even slightly different from the rest of the world, you were condemned.” A zebra with the LGBTQ patterns for its stripes came up.

“An LGBTQ flag. Could be a member of it.” Pointed out Robin Thicke.

“But it still hurts me to see that even as society begins to change, there are those that still cling to the old ways of life.”

“Maybe a politician. This is a lot of politics going on here.” Nicole stated. The screen changed to me holding the world in the palm of my hands. I crushed the world down.

“I just hope that one day the world will come to understand that we are all One people, one world.” I opened my hands up and soon a rainbow appeared before ending my 1st clue package.

The stage was dark except for one spotlight shining down on me. Well more like half of me, half of my body remained in the shadows while the other half was sparkling under the spotlight as I spoke with my American accent, the voice modulator turning off for my performance.

“We are a nation with multi-graphic boundaries. Bound together through our beliefs. We are like-minded individuals, sharing a common vision. Pushing toward a world rid of color loins.” Already I could see that people were trying to figure out who I was by hearing my real voice, but due to me American accent and natural British accent being two completely different voices, it was throwing people for a loop.

I then did Janet’s famed countdown with my right hand before the song came on full force and I and my backup dancers began to dance the Rhythm Nation dance. ALL in perfect unison.

The crowd went insane and I could even see the judges standing up in shock as well as cheering. I strutted towards the mic stand at the corner of the stage and began to sing. My natural alto range came forth and I could see the audience singing along and even do some of the dance moves to the song, especially once the chorus hit.

I strutted across the stage before I would rejoin and lead the pride that was my dancers in the famed dance, before strutting forward on the stage, coaxing the audience to cry the chorus out loudly.

*Me*

With music by our side To break the color lines Let's work together To improve our way of life Join voices in protest To social injustice A generation full of courage Come forth with me

People of the world today Are we looking for a better way of life We are a part of the rhythm nation People of the world unite Strength in numbers we can get it right One time (Sing it up!) We are a part of the rhythm nation

My backup dancers and I then did probably the most difficult dance break that Janet had set for all dancers to perform in perfect unison.

“She’s has got this dance DOWN!!” exclaimed Nicole.

“This has to be a natural singer!” Jenny told Robin who agreed.

“No question!”

*Me*

Rhythm Nation baby!

Sing it for the children Sing it for the people

Rhythm Nation baby

Sing it for the man!

We are a part of a Rhythm Nation!

My dancers and I saluted and the crowd went absolutely berserk from my first number.

“Yaas Queen!” I heard Niecy exclaim as she came up to me. “Lioness all up here slaying it!” I gave a graceful bow (as low as I could go without the mask falling off) and she said. “Judges what did you all think of our lovely Lioness’s performance.”

“Niecy you don’t need to say anything else cause you summed it up! I think we are in the presence of a true performer here.” Nicole first started off.

“Agreed. Never did we see someone actually have the guts to pull off—probably one of the hardest choreography dances ever!” Jenny agreed.

“Alright judges now you know the drill. It’s time to put your first impression guesses into the tour bus.” I could see some of them complaining as they wrote down their guesses on who I was as the little tour bus came through to collect their First Impression guesses. “Now then, do any of you have any clues on just who this Queen of the Beasts could be, let’s start with you Mr. Robin.”

“Wha Me? Oh man….” The rest of the panel laughed at his misery while I mimed a laugh by putting my hand to my opened mouth mask. “I mean—this could literally be anyone but based off the clue package she spoke a lot about the world and people around it. So this definitely isn’t someone who is recently famous. She’s been around for a while.”

“Whatcha trying to say Robin that she’s old?” Niecy defended me as I got into a fighting position.

“Oh Robin you’re about to get mauled by the Lioness!” Ken teased him.

“No, no, no, no! Not insinuating anything!”

“Cause you know you never insult a woman’s age there Robin Thicke!” Niecy exclaimed.

“Tell him mommy!” Ken cheered.

“Sit down Kenneth!”

“Yes ma’am.” He said as he sat down on his chair.

“Where I was going with this is that maybe she came from an era where it wasn’t okay to bring about your sexuality or gender.”

“True, true.” Nicole agreed with him.

“And seeing the LGBTQ pattern on the zebra, I’m thinking this might be Shea Diamond.”

“Okay, okay not a bad guess.”

“I’m afraid I’m gonna have to disagree with you there Robin. I’ve listened to Shea Diamond sing and that’s not her.” Ken said.

“Then who do you think it is Ken?” asked Nicole.

“Okay I know exactly who this is.” Oh god here we go. “Okay from the clue package alone there was obviously the LGBTQ brand with the Zebra. Maybe she’s an advocate for the LGBTQ community. I’m going with Lady Gaga!”

Okay not a bad guess but it’s not her. I could see some of the audience pondering Ken Jong’s rare, good guesses.

“Well Lioness whoever you are, you are a star.” Jenny stated as she pointed at me. I blew her a kiss and Niecy said.

“Now Lioness before we go, I have to ask you. How long did it take you to do that dance?” I put the mic up to the thinnest part of my mask and answered with my voice modulator now on, making me sound like a warm, motherly Chipette.

“It took months actually, but I’m a fast learner when it comes to dancing.” I hinted that little clue and only my super fans would realize that I love to dance, especially when it was with my Brother Mine back in the day.

“Okay. Well give it up one more time for the Lioness!” the crowd applauded and I waved goodbye before walking off the stage.

After all the performances of Group B went, we all lined up and found out just who among us was going home for the first round in our group. It was suspenseful but the votes were in and Grandpa Monster was the one to be eliminated from the first round.

I was safe for now. I just hope I can keep going on and maybe go all the way.

*ROUND 2*

It was now Round 2 and I was going to perform after the Chameleon. I heard him do the song “21 Questions” by 50 Cent ft. Nate Dogg. I’ll admit he was an impressive performance, especially with how he can rap so my best guess is that he could be a rapper. Unfortunately, I’m not quite educated in my rappers (plus one rapper in particular still gives me a bad vibe after what he did) so I wouldn’t know who to begin guessing if I were an audience member.

After going to a commercial break it was now time for me to perform my second song choice that both me and the Producers thought would be a good fit for me.

“This Queen last time she crushed it with Janet’s Rhythm Nations, and now she’s back to hopefully crush it once more. Let’s dig up some more clues on the Lioness.”

The next clue package stood as followed:

“I’ll admit, 1st round I was terrified. Never have I done something like this before. But once I got up on stage, I overcame that fear and just sang. In fact, it was music that helped me overcome my shyness.” I told the camera.

I opened up a closet and inside it was my Red Special guitar, a pair of drum sticks and a Fender Bass guitar (the one that Deacy always played with).

“Growing up I had very low self-esteem. I was shy, insecure, and thought I’d never amount to anything.”

“Aww that’s so sad.” Nicole awed. “Don’t worry I’ve been there too honey.”

“But when I found music, it changed my life. I would become a whole different person everytime I played an instrument. Or just sang to myself.” I picked up the Bass guitar and strummed it. “I especially loved the Rock and Roll artists growing up. Just seeing them perform live, gave me the confidence I needed to one day reach a dream of becoming a Rockstar myself. And low and behold it came true.”

I was now performing on stage with the Men in Black surrounding me pretending to be crazy fans holding up signs with hearts and I love you Lioness.

“So I’m here to say that if you feel like you’re alone out there in the world, or feel like it’s against you. Just listen and jam out to some of your fav tunes. Because in them, Life creates a new path for you.” I did a wind-mill and my mask gave a gleam at the right eye, symbolizing a wink.

The lights were dark and I took a deep breath in before exhaling out. Soon the guitar strum of “Eye of the Tiger” came on before I threw my fist in the air with each punch the guitar gave, while fire spurted from the stage.

The crowd cheered as Survivor’s most popular song came through the speakers and I went up to the mic stand and sung my heart out. I changed a word or two just to make it fit more towards me but it didn’t take away the effect my song had on the audience.

The backup band was jamming out to the song with one lioness on the guitar and a male lion at the drums and another male one on the bass. I belted out the last note

*Me*

Rising up, back on the street Did my time, took my chances Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet Just a girl and her will to survive

So many times it happens too fast You trade your passion for glory Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past You must fight just to keep them alive

It's the eye of the tiger It's the thrill of the fight Rising up to the challenge of our rival And the last known survivor Stalks her prey in the night And she's watching us all with the eye

Of the Tiger

The eye of the tiger The eye of the tiger The eye of the Lioness

At the very last explosion of fireworks and fire, I punched my hand in the air and the crowd cheered.

“YASSS LIONESS!!!” I could hear Nicole cheering from the panel booth as she pointed at me. Ken Jong, Jenny and Robin all bowed before my performance as Niecy came back up and she said.

“And the Queen slays us AGAIN!!” I bowed before her and took her hand and pressed it to my open mouth giving her a ‘kiss’. “Oh and I’m getting a royal kiss from the Queen herself!”

“Lucky mommy!” Ken proclaimed.

“Sit your butt down son! Panel, what did you think of that song?”

“Lioness, you took us to a real rock concert. I mean the fire, the electric guitar. And I think I even saw you doing a little air guitar in there somewhere!” Jenny said. I shrugged guiltily. Yeah I did do a little air guitar, come on I know you all do it too! “But that was a killer performance!” I bowed my head in gratitude.

“What made you choose that song in particular?” Niecy asked me.

“It’s always a good rock anthem. You can just let yourself loose and not have a care in the world. And it really got me through my 1st year of being who I am today.” That got the panelists attention.

“Alright so we went through your personal journal and found out just who exactly your childhood crush was. Men in Black! Bring out the 1st crush clue!” Niecy announced as two of the men in Black came out with a large flat platform with a sheet over it. “I’m excited to see just who it is you had a crush on. Now let’s see who it is…..”

Niecy took off the sheet and it revealed the late great Prince.

“It’s Prince!” exclaimed Nicole.

“Okay! Okay I see you Lioness! Little chocolate love there.” I laughed and said into my microphone.

“First thing I always notice about a man are his eyes. And growing up, Prince stole my heart with those eyes.”

“You sure it wasn’t also his dance moves?” Niecy asked me with a ‘for real’ look.

“Mm that too.” Everyone laughed before Niecy asked the judges.

“Okay so any guesses panel on just who this could be? Let’s start with you Jenny.”

“Oh my god why!?” we all laughed. “Okay going off by the tonality of your voice. You are truly a Rock star under there, there’s no way you could be a Pop artists or rapper under there. And my guess in Pink.”

A very good guess. In fact when Pink came on the music scene, everyone thought she was trying to copy my voice but she’s a total talented artist on her own. That’s all her voice, and I’m proud to have not only mentored her, but become her very dearest friend and confidant.

“Yeah it does kinda sound like Pink. But the clues didn’t really point out to her.” Nicole said.

“What you thinking Scherzinger?” Niecy asked.

“Okay so we saw LGBTQ last time but I also took notice of the instruments that were in this week’s clue package. The red guitar specifically.” Oh shit she’s got it. “And I remember seeing this performer on my 12th birthday. I’m going with the Rock Angel (Y/n) Kline.”

“Ooo okay. Not a bad guess Nicole.”

“Yeah it could be the Rock Angel but it’s not!” Ken bluntly said.

“Oh god here we go again.” Jenny said as she flopped against her chair.

“In the clue package we did see the guitars and the drumsticks. And Sticks rhymes with what? Nicks. Stevie Nicks welcome to the Masked Singer!” Oh god Ken.

No way could I ever be compare to Stevie Nicks! She’s way above me and no way could I ever be better than her or do her vocal ranges like she can do.

“Ken I swear I’m about to hit you in the head with this pen.” Nicole said.

“Alright, alright, alright calm down up there. Look no matter who is under here, let’s agree that the Lioness gave yet another rockin performance. Give it up for the Lioness everybody!” I walked backstage.

“The panel has given some good guesses. But there’s gonna be surprised to see just who I am. And—”

On your screens it would’ve staticed up and there on screen is the infamous Rooster with clues, Cluedle-Doo. The rooster that’s been helping the viewers at home guess just who is under each mask, while also trying to get people to guess who he is.

“So sorry Lioness but I’m here to give the audience a little bit more than you’re letting on. Don’t let her voice fool you for she’s a Lioness that lives……across the pond.” His deep voice spoke to the camera as he walked over to his map with a pushpin pointed right at England.

“Hold on what was that? Something fishy is going on around here, and I’m gonna find out what.” I told the camera as I waved my fist.

A couple more performances later as well as the reveal of our group’s Wildcard, The Crab and it was time to reveal who was going to be unmasked. I almost feared that I was gonna be the one to go home since Nicole had said my name and the fans would demand that I be unmasked.

But when Niecy read out that the Crab was gonna have to be unmasked I sighed with relief but I was also sad for the crab. He actually performed well tonight and I wanted to see just how far he was gonna go. As me and the rest of the group that was safe headed back to our rooms, I kept thinking to myself just how was I gonna make it through without making my voice sound too obvious.

*ROUND 3*

Okay. This round is sure to throw them off my scent this time. This is a song I’d never thought I’d do but it’s the only way to keep me going to the next round and not risk getting unmasked.

“Her last two performances have been killer! Now it’s time to see what else she’s got up her paws. Release, the Lioness!” Niecy announced.

The LIONESS; THE CLUES.

I was staring into my reflection at a watering hole.

“This has been a wild ride for me. Most fun I’ve ever had in years.” The letters MSG flashed on the screen written within the mud.

“MSG? Madison Square Garden?” asked Ken.

“But I’m here to show that I truly belong here and deserve a shot to go the Distance.”

“Go the Distance. Isn’t that a song from a Disney film?” asked Robin.

“Yeah Hercules. Could she be in an adaptation of Hercules?” Jenny said.

“So for this next performance, I’m gonna do a song I’ve never done before, and hopefully that will keep me in with the pride and out of the spotlight for just a little while longer.”

I stood there with the spotlight on me, the mic stand right in front of me as Miley Cyrus’s song “Wrecking Ball” came on. The last time this song had been used on this show was way back during Season 1 with Mrs. Gladys Knight. And she did a phenomenal job with her rendition of the song. However I had a little something extra up my sleeve.

I started off with a smooth, ballad like tone for the opening using my hands and arms to give forth a more deeper emotion as I sang the song. Before I finally unleashed the fire within me.

Like Freddie always did back in the day when Queen first started off, I tore the mic stand off the rest of it and fell into the passion of the chorus using the mic-stand like a sledgehammer when I could. I could see everyone lip-syncing the chorus and even the judges were singing along to the song.

I went back to my ballad like tone as I was kneeling on the ground looking up towards the heavens before standing back up and slowly walked towards the back of the stage as the lights dimmed down to only a spotlight on me.

When the 2nd chorus came back on, I pulled out my big surprise. When the lights came fully on, a makeshift Wrecking ball stood in the middle of the stage. In order for me to fully be on it with this costume, the Wrecking ball was built around a swing-set and was hidden within the walls of the Wrecking ball, but I could stick my feet through a curtain that would give the illusion of me actually being on a Wrecking Ball (much like Miley was).

Everyone in the audience was losing their minds, I even saw Nicole getting really into the song as she would raise and circle her arms in the air. I kept swinging back and forth as I continued to sing until my final note.

*Me*

We clawed, we chained, our hearts in vain We jumped, never asking why We kissed, I fell under your spell A love no one could deny

Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me Yeah, you, you wreck me

I never meant to start a war I just wanted you to let me in And instead of using force I guess I should've let you win I never meant to start a war I just wanted you to let me in I guess I should've let you win

Don't you ever say I just walked away I will always want you

I came in like a wrecking ball I never hit so hard in love All I wanted was to break your walls All you ever did was wreck me

I came in like a wrecking ball Yeah, I just closed my eyes and swung Left me crashing in a blazing fall All you ever did was wreck me Yeah, you, you wreck me

Yeah, you, you wreck me

This was probably my best performance of this entire competition. No way was the audience gonna unmask me yet. I got off of my makeshift Wrecking Ball and Niecy came up bowing before me.

“OH MY GOD!!!” Nicole and Jenny both exclaimed.

“The Queen remains on top!” at that point the crowd began cheering my character in a rhythm clap.

“LI-ON-ESS! LI-ON-ESS! LI-ON-ESS!!!” I coaxed them to keep chanting with my hands, going in time with their claps.

“Pardon my language but that performance definitely had balls.” Niecy said which made all of us laugh.

“This is definitely the first time in Masked Singer history that someone was even able to do that with costumes like these.” Robin said.

“Lioness tell us how do you feel after that performance?” asked Niecy.

“Tired.” That got a good laugh out of the audience and the panel. “But it’s all worth it cause it’s either go big or go home. And I definitely do not wanna go home just yet.”

“Well we definitely don’t want you to go Superstar.” Jenny told me. I gave her a heart shape ‘I Love you’ with my hand and pointed at her and she accepted it and sent one back to me.

“So any clues that you guys might’ve picked up on?”

“I’ll start off.” Ken said.

“Oh boy, here we go.” Robin said as Nicole laughed and I placed my hands on my hips. This outta be good Dr. Ken.

“Okay so in this clue package we saw the acronym MSG. What’s that stand for? Madison. Square. Garden. This actress was born in Manhattan, NY. She can sing because she played a Porcupine in a film this my friends is none other than Black Widow herself, SCARLETT JOHANSSON!!”

“No! No way that’s Scarlett!” exclaimed Jenny.

“Have you seen the movie Sing? That’s totally her voice!”

“No it’s not!” Jenny argued back.

“Maybe not but Lioness might be connected to Scarlett in a way.”

“What you got cooking in that brain of yours Mr. Robin Thicke?” Niecy asked him.

“Well going through the clue package we saw the LGBTQ obviously, she is known for speaking up for the community especially since a few friends of hers are a part of that community. I’m gonna go with Nicole and say this is the Rock Angel.”

“Okay. Okay not a bad guess.”

“Just hearing the voice alone it just makes me think of her.”

“Yeah but the Rock Angel wouldn’t be able to do what Lioness did.” Jenny tried to argue.

Oh she don’t know me very well, does she? I’ve got some moves in these old bones Jenny.

“Well whoever is under that mask. This was definitely your best performance not only for you but for the show itself. I don’t think we’ll ever have a number quite like that again.” Nicole said.

“I agree girlfriend. Alright Lioness, you head on backstage and rest up. You’ve earned it honey.” I waved to the audience and left to go backstage.

“That was probably the—toughest performance of my life. With or without the costume.” I laughed. “But I gave it my all and win or lose, I’m glad I did this show.”

After the elimination of the newest Wildcard the Bulldog. Which wasn’t according to the votes, but by Niecy’s own will, Bulldog was revealed to be none other than Nick Cannon. Who had returned to host the show after recovering from his COVID scare.

It was a huge surprise to see him back and actually competing in the show. Although he wished he could’ve gone onward with the show but he was just happy to be back with the judges and to see us progress onward into the final few rounds.

After that filming, I was in my trailer resting after that performance, having the fan on full blast to try and take away my sweat, I phone rang and I saw Brian’s handsome, wrinkly face pop up on the screen.

“Hey Bri what’s up?”

‘Oh nothing much really. Just been……fiddling around with Red Special, keeping Anita company, and above all trying not to lose our minds over the lockdown.’

“I hear yah. America’s really been trying to tighten the leash on restrictions. But of course stubborn Americans, especially Trump supporters are still denying this pandemic and refusing to wear their face masks.”

‘Right up arseholes I tell yah. This isn’t some conspiracy thing. It’s real life.’

“I know Brian. But let’s change the subject before you go off on an angry rant and have another heart attack.”

‘You’re right, you’re right sorry. The reason I called was because I want you to clarify something for me.’

“Clarify what?”

‘Well. I don’t know if you’ve seen my Instagram lately. But our followers are telling me that I should ask you if you’re a part of a show called the Masked Singer?’

“The Masked Singer? Which version? Cause you know we’ve recently got one too now.”

‘They’re saying that you could be the Lioness on the American version. Is it true?’

“Bri. Come on. I’m in lockdown with my son during a pandemic, I run on the high risk factor due to my recent high blood pressure. Why would I do a show like that?”

‘They’re pretty adamant about it. So come on (n/n). Tell me the truth.’

“No Brian Harold May. I am not the Lioness. Besides even if I were, it’d be too obvious. Everyone knows I’m Roger’s lion cub. If I were to choose a creature, I’d be a griffin or White-wolf.”

‘Okay. If you say so. Stay safe out there love.’

“You too Bri. Hopefully, America can get their shit together so that I can fly back home soon. I miss you and Rog and Jack. How are they by the way?”

‘Well that husband of yours is still working hard to preserve the peace in London. Hardly any serious criminal activity, just rotter’s not wanting to wear their face masks inside local buildings. Rog is good, he’s been posting up a lot more on his Instagram lately. Been asking about you and worried sick over you.’

“Some things never change. Alright Bri well I know it’s pretty late over there, so get some sleep. You’ve probably never slept in this late in so long your body must be aching for it.”

‘Yeah I suppose your right. Have a good night love. Love you.’

“I love you too Bri. Bye.” He said goodbye and I hung up on him. “Bloody hell that was close. Thank god he didn’t hit facetime, otherwise he would’ve been suspicious.”

*ROUND 4*

Now it was time to change things up with this weeks performance. I’ve been giving out killer hard-rock/pop songs but now it was time to allow the audience to just solely focus on my vocals alone. Plus this performance was in dedication to a very special someone.

“Now here to wow us once again and seeing if we can dig up more clues on her identity. Here’s the Lioness.” Nick Cannon announced.

THE CLUE PACKAGE. THE LIONESS

“Being on this show has really meant a lot to me.” The screen showed my last performance as well as my 1st performance. “But now I’m gonna take things back and really allow you guys to get to know me.”

I was in my ‘house’ writing at my desk a letter. And on the laptop it said a number code. 149121.

“Oh wow a number code. 149121.” Jenny said.

“Throughout my career I’ve met a lot of great people. But unfortunately I’ve had to say goodbye to some of them, some gone far too soon. Others for other personal reasons.”

“So she’s lost someone. Maybe a partner.”

“This one person in particular even though he’s still around physically, I had no choice but to let him go. We practically did everything together. But I understood why he did what he did, and I never pressured him to come back to the spotlight.” I touched a shadow figure of a male lion. “So this performance is for my brother. And I hope he’s living out a happy life doing whatever it is he wants to. I will always love you forever, my Brother Mine.”

It was just me up there with the spotlight down on me. I took a deep breath in before softly exhaling. This one’s for you Deacy. I opened my mouth and sung my next song, “I will always love you” by Whitney Houston.

The audience was in tranced by voice alone, some of them pressing their hands to their hearts and I could swear I saw some of the judges already starting to cry. When the bridge came up, I thought back to all the memories Deacy and I had together.

Playing the bass, me sitting the Deaklings when they were little babies, us always dancing together at the after parties (after some liquid courage). To the big moments whenever the two of us were on stage together and we’d interact with each other.

Him doing his “Disco moves” on stage during our sets, or how during the medley’s during the “Kind of Magic tour” we’d be the ones to stand together as he played his bass and I would have my acoustic guitar or tambourine on me. Remembering his happy smile, the way his eyes wrinkled whenever he’d smile that adorable, gapped tooth smile of his.

*Me*

If I should stay, I would only be in your way

So I'll go, but I know

I'll think of you every step of the way

And I will always love you

I will always love you

I hope life treats you kind

And I hope you have all you've dreamed of

And I wish to you joy and happiness

But above all this, I wish you love

Finally I unleashed the power that my voice had gained throughout the years. As the lights danced about with the beat of the song as well as my voice, the audience cheered as I belted out that famed last bit of the chorus. Some were in tears while others were just in awe. Ken and Nicole were dabbing their eyes trying to rid of their tears while Jenny and Robin were just shaking their heads in pure awe.

I don’t know if you’ll ever see this Brother Mine, but if you do, know that this performance is for you. I hope you’re happy, safe, and healthy. Both physically and mentally.

*Me*

And I will always love you

I will always love you

I will always

Love you

I will always love you

I, I will always

Love you

You, darling, I love you

Ooh, I'll always,

I'll always love you

I held out the last note as I slowly extended my arms before finally ending the song. The audience cheered and applauded for another killer performance.

“Unbelievable! The lioness really pulling the heartstrings now!” Nick said as he came up and stood beside me. “You even had me going there for a second there Lioness.” I gave him a comforting pat on the shoulder.

“Oh my god Lioness, let me just say. Your last few performances you were slaying and killing it with hardcore dancing, rock and roll and semi-aerial stuff. But this week……we truly got to see your voice. And that—rawness it just……you have me in tears.” Nicole said as she continued to wipe away her tears.

“I agree with Nicole.” Robin said. I gave them a bow of my head. “It’s—it’s really rare when we see female artists do such songs on this stage. Especially one as difficult as that song in particular. But you were the perfect voice to sing that song.”

“Thank you Robin.”

“Now it’s time to find out just what is inside the Mind of our Lioness. If you would just quickly step on over to our mind-reader. We would like to see just what’s within your Lioness brain.” I walked over to the machine that was gonna give an extra clue as to who I was. “Scanning, scanning, scanning and it is…..a Police badge.”

I stepped out from the machine and walked back towards Nick.

“Do we have another Jackson family member on our hands?” asked Ken. I remember thinking back to La Toya Jackson who was “the Alien”.

“Unlike Ms. Jackson I’m not a police officer. But I am directly involved with them.” The audience ooed.

“That give you any guesses panel?” Nick asked.

“Not a single one.” Jenny shook her head which made us laugh.

“Indirectly involved with the police. I mean does that mean she’s an informant? Reality star maybe?” Ken suggested.

“Maybe she played one on TV. Maybe it’s Priyanka Chopra.” Robin added.

“Yeah cause of her role in Quantico.” Nicole agreed.

“No guys I don’t think it’s Priyanka. It really doesn’t sound like her. Lioness has a more richer tone than she does.”

“Well we’re stumped!” Ken said as he sat down on his chair throwing his hands up in surrender.

“Oh now don’t give up son!”

“I can’t do it daddy! Just take off the mask and show us who you are Lioness!” Ken demanded but I shook my head and placed my index finger over my masked lips in shush.

“She knows the drill. Well you wowed us with your vocals, go on and head backstage. Give it up one more time for her royal highness the Lioness everybody.”

“That performance……really took a lot out of me. I was even crying at one point under the mask. But I hope I secured a spot for the Super 8.” As I take my leave, the infamous Cluedle-Doo shows up and he tells the camera.

“Another infamous secret you might want to know about the Lioness here is that she also has ties in with space. Look at these stars, does it give you any hints? Because 2 people she cares about study it.”

“Oh it’s you! Come back you yah cocky Rooster! I’m really gonna turn you into fried chicken now!” I exclaimed as I chased after the Rooster whose been trying to give away more secrets about me. He gobbled out in laughter as he ran away.

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an-absolute-travesty · 4 years

Text

Secret Santa fic!

Heya @all-eternity it was me all along! I hope you enjoy this :) very much looking foward to actually being able to follow you after this without looking sketchy lmao

Also shoutout to my lovely beta reader @keepersandqueens as if I don’t talk about Salas enough here lol

Warnings: underage drinking, drinking in general, hangover, drugs/medication mention (not abused, basic over the counter stuff dw), mentions of vomit (not described)

Pairings: Kam, background marelinh, ex titz

About: Kam coffee shop college au

Word count: 5,205

Tag list (tell me if you want to be added or removed): @cadence-talle @ruewen-and-rising @lemontarto @a-lonely-tatertot @clearlyvacksen @percabetn @sewersewersewercouch @everyonehasthoughts @imaramennoodle @enbies-and-felonies @blxckh0les42 @rainbowtay-11 @callas-starkflower-stew @impostertamsong @appalyneinstitute1 @stars-and-splendor @anna-without-an-e @mistythegenderqueermess @we-have-no-bananas-today @we-wont-dissapear @jadenightthewriter

Tam stumbled into his first 8 am class, anxiety making his heart feel like it was pounding out of his chest and stomach doing backflips.

If he could survive bouncing between foster homes, a short stint at juvie, and worst of all high school, he could survive college.

Well he thought he could until he saw a familiar person right next to the only available chair in the room.

God fucking damn it.

"Hey Bangs Boy!" Keefe waved him down, causing a scene. Tam had no option but to sit beside him, both because of the lack of chairs and the fact that everyone was now staring at him.

Not a great start.

"What a coincidence! I notice you still haven't taken my suggestions on your hair, I'm telling ya' you'd get all the girls and or guys and nonbinary pals with a man bun." Keefe looked smug at the fact he'd be able to taunt Tam for another semester, minimum. Tam was already making a mental note to check when he could swap out of classes.

"Keefe, if I knew you were going here I would've just gotten myself back in jail, oh wait, you were the one who got me in there in the first place." Tam shot him a look, praying that he'd suddenly develop superpowers and shoot lasers from his eyes.

"Hey, just because I came up with the idea...and helped with some of the execution, doesn't mean I'm responsible for you trashing your parents house. Besides, you were only in there for like 3 days max before you got out," Keefe said, shrugging as if 3 days in jail was no biggie.

"Most peaceful 3 days of my life," Tam sneered, turning back to the front of the room as the professor walked in.

"Good morning class!" the prof turned to the white board, writing his name. "I am Dr. Harding," he tapped it for emphasis.

The class was silent.

"And you say good mor..."

"Good morning Dr. Harding," The class said in unison, they all sounded tired and bored.

This wasn't going to be fun.

~*~

"Grande ice vanilla latte for...Hen-are-y?"

The man shot Keefe a look as he grabbed his coffee.

"Henry." He dropped a tip in the jar, fifty cents. How generous.

He had come in before, and never left good tips. Keefe made it a game to pronounce the names of anyone who wasn't a college student and left bad tips wrong, no matter how much they came in. It was a wonder he hadn't been fired yet.

As he turned preparing another drink, the bell at the top of the door rang. He ignored it at first until he heard a quiet, "Fuck," come from behind.

"Bangs boy!"

"Why are you here?"

"I work here obviously," Keefe walked up to the counter. "Now, what'll it be?"

Tam sighed. "Iced caramel macchiato with two extra shots of espresso."

"Size?"

"Venti."

Keefe whistled thinking about how much caffeine that was as he wrote down "Bangs Boy" on the cup.

"Alright, that'll be 5.75, may I ask why the insane amount of coffee? I believe I remember you saying caffeine makes you anxious in high school."

"Yes, but it also helps me focus, and I have a quiz tomorrow I haven't studied for."

"Fair enough," Keefe said, going to prepare the drink. "It'll be ready in five."

Tam nodded, walking off to the side and scrolling on his phone. Keefe made the drink, occasionally sneaking looks over at Tam. He didn't seem to notice, thank God.

Soon after, they finished the transaction.

"See you at class," Keefe said, he was trying to be genuine, but it came across more taunting.

Tam grimaced, muttered "Thanks for the coffee," and walked out the door.

~*~

The class fell silent as a disheveled Dr. Harding walked in, a pack of gatorade in one hand and bottle of tylenol in the other. He popped one as he sat down.

"Hello class it seems today I have the worst headache imaginable, just give me about 5 minutes of silence and we will go over your assignments."

Keefe leaned over to Tam's desk.

"Well, we know what he got into last night," he whispered. "Heard the bar on the corner of 5th was giving out two for ones for professors."

"Isn't that place run by the alumni?"

"Exactly. Gotta thank Alvar tomorrow, Fitz said it was his idea."

"Wait Fitz goes here too? Why did I not-"

"Boys!" Dr. Harding practically yelled. "I am tired of the racket." He put his face in his hands where his elbows rested on the desk, bald spot showing to the world.

"We were whispering!" Keefe made a 'what the hell' sort of gesture. Tam glared at him, hoping he could communicate 'I will kill you myself if you say another word' with just his eyes.

"Sencen, do I look like I care?"

Keefe winced a bit at the use of his last name. That was something Tam could understand.

"Look, boys," Dr. Harding stood up and turned to the chalkboard, writing something down. "If you all like talking so much, you'll love this next project."

He walked to the side, revealing the board, that read '10 page essay, due the 25th'

"With the person next to you, you'll be writing a 10 page essay on um...the importance of keeping your oil changed in your car. You'll then present it to the class. It's worth 25 points."

A student raised their hand.

"Luka?"

"Sir, I thought this was a psychology course?"

"It is. You are all excused."

With that, he left the room with his tylenol and gatorade in his arms. The students glared at Keefe and Tam as they all got up, muttering amongst themselves about the pure bullshittery of it all.

"So..." Keefe said, slowly standing. "Does the library tomorrow at 3 work? I have work until then, so it can't be any earlier."

"Yeah, sure." Tam promptly walked out of the classroom as fast as possible, he didn't know why but his anxiety was spiking. He tried to tell himself it was just because he was a useless gay that didn't know jackshit about cars, yeah, surely that was it.

Just a useless gay.

~*~

Tam waited at a table in the library, it was 3:05, Keefe was late.

He didn't know what else he expected from him, he always seemed to do stuff like this. At the same time, Tam didn't have the energy to be particularly mad at him. This was going to be the stupidest essay ever written in the history of man, might as well put it off.

The library door slammed open, and in came Keefe. He balanced a large stack of papers and books along with four drinks. He stumbled over to Tam and practically threw them down on the table.

"Sorry I'm late, I thought it would be nice to, like, get you a coffee, but I didn't know how much caffeine you wanted, so I got one decaf caramel macchiato, one normal, and one with an extra shot, and also hot chocolate for me."

He sat down in the chair by Tam, as if getting three different coffees for someone you were forced to do a project with was totally normal.

"Um...thanks, I-I can pay you back-"

"Don't worry about it." Keefe turned to him and smiled, bright and friendly. Tam was frozen. "Okay, now it's car time." Keefe turned back to the desk.

"Yeah."

They were silent for a while as they researched, Keefe going through his piles of papers and books and Tam on his laptop like any sane person would.

Tam finally worked up the nerve to talk.

"So um...this is out of nowhere, but I think you mentioned Fitz went here?"

"Oh, yeah." Keefe put down the absurdly large textbook that was set up in front of him. "He's my roommate, he uh thought it would be best not to tell you after everything, I guess."

"That's fine," Tam shrugged like he didn't care. "I'm over it."

He was, really. They only dated like 2 weeks, sure it ended with a...pretty big fight after Fitz claimed he wouldn't be able to date someone who had gone to jail and Tam reminded him it was his best friend that got him in there in the first place, but he was still over it. There was still something bothering him, nothing to do with Fitz himself but...something. He just couldn't put his finger on what.

"Alright, I'll take your word." Keefe shrugged, setting his giant book back up in front of him.

Tam felt the need to start talking again, but didn't. They were mostly silent for the next 40 minutes or so, just researching and the occasional word exchanged between them.

Keefe checked his phone.

"Shit," He got up. "Work emergency, I gotta go. Same time tomorrow?"

"Yeah that works."

"Chill, see ya' later."

"Bye."

Keefe waved (with a wide grin Tam would've called idiotic in high school) as he went out the door.

Tam found himself with a smile on his own face, he quickly stopped, hoping no one saw.

~*~

Keefe hurried into work, pulling his apron on as he saw the absurdly long line and a panicked Marella frantically making coffees behind the counter. She sighed with relief when she saw him.

"Thank God," She said as he stepped behind the counter with her. "There was a scheduling error, Forkle's useless at that stuff."

Mr. Forkle, their well-meaning but often mistaken manager, was out of town at the moment. The fate of the Starbucks rested on two college kids, what could go wrong.

And so they went, Keefe taking orders and Marella fulfilling them until there were no more to serve.

Marella, quite literally, threw in a towel she had wiped her face with. Promptly going to the back, presumably for her break. Keefe followed her.

"Alright, I think you can probably go back to whatever you were doing before this now if you'd like," said Marella, inspecting the small braids in her hair in the nearest shiny surface.

"Nah I was just doing a project with Tam for Harding's stupid class, he's probably left by now, I might as well rack up some overtime."

Marella turned back at him, clearly caught off guard at the name.

"Tam? As in my-girlfriend's-brother Tam? As in you-had-a-massive-crush-on-in-highschool Tam? As in dated-Fitz Tam? As in you-got-him-in-jail-"

"Yes! Yes! Why does everyone remind me of that, it was one time."

"When you get someone in jail, people tend to remember," Marella went silent for a second, thinking, before looking Keefe in the eye. "Wow, that must be awkward as hell, I mean seriously, if I were you I'd straight up file a restraining order just to avoid him. Maybe move to another country. I hear Estonia is lovely this time of year."

"Eh, it's not as bad as it seems. I mean it was awful at first, mostly because I tried to resume right where we left it on the taunting front, but I think it's ok now."

"Hm. Well good luck with that," Marella turned back to go to the front, but Keefe grabbed her arm to stop her.

"Uh, actually I need your advice on something. It has to do with Tam."

"Shoot."

"Well I was thinking of maybe, I don't know, asking him out or something? Look, yeah, it's an awful idea but is it 'he never wants to talk to me again' awful or 'he attempts to strangle me' awful?"

Marella looked him up and down, eyes uncomfortably cold, as usual.

"I mean, no hetero, but despite your annoying qualities you're a decent looking guy. Plus Tam's, like, super anxious according to Linh, so maybe he'll be too awkward to say no. You can probably squeeze at least one date in there."

"Wow, thanks Mare," Keefe mumbled, voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Yes, I try. Also don't call me Mare."

"Alright Ella!" Keefe called as the front door's bell rang, signalling a new customer. Marella went off to take care of it, unable to respond she growled back at him.

~*~

Tap tap tap tap tap.

Tam glared from across the table.

Tap tap tap tap tap tap.

"Why do you keep doing that?"

Keefe looked up, muttered a simple "Fidgety" and went right back to it, tapping his pen against the table. Tam said nothing more.

Keefe had been quiet for this entire meeting, something highly unusual for him.

"Ok, seriously dude, what's up? I haven't seen you this quiet literally ever."

He only seemed to get more fidgety at this question, his bouncing leg shaking the library table.

"I...um..." he looked down, running a hand through his hair "I have a test I need to cram for and no one to study with and keep me accountable. Y'know, ADHD issues."

Tam didn't overthink for once in his life but the moment the sentence was out of his mouth he regretted it.

"I have a test too, maybe we could study together?"

Keefe smiled his annoyingly charming smile.

"Sounds good."

"Good."

Tam quickly looked back down at his computer, trying to look like he was still doing car research when in actuality he was processing he just actively offered to spend more time with Keefe Sencen.

If Linh found out about this he'd never live it down.

He didn't think he cared.

~*~

Dr. Harding walked through the classroom door, clearly much less hungover than his last appearance.

The students waited, would they get an apology? Any sort of remorse?

"Alright, who wants to read first?"

Apparently not.

Keefe raised his hand with too much confidence for what their essay looked like. Tam gave him a confused look. He had his scheming face on, never good.

"Mr. Sencen!" Keefe winced at the use of his last name by the doctor. "What an amazing start, it's only appropriate. One of you boys come up and present."

Tam gave Keefe a look of 'do you want me to do it?' Keefe just smiled and got up from his chair. This would either be really good or really, really bad. Tam was all too familiar with the scheme face.

"Doc, I did depart from the source material a bit here, hope you don't mind. And I use 'I' because Tam had no involvement in this, he deserves full points for his essay."

Keefe cleared his throat, the room was so silent you could hear a pin drop.

"Doctor Harding deserves to get fired: an essay. (And it's only been a week!) Paragraph one, his drinking problem-"

"Sencen! Back to your seat now. I will see you after class, or I will not see you in my next class, understand?"

Keefe gave a thumbs up as he sat back on his chair with a thud.

A few minutes later, in the middle of another student's essay, he passed Tam a note with his loopy handwriting.

"The amount of comebacks I had for 'see me after class' is absurd but if I get kicked out there's no way Elwin is helping me pay tuition a second time."

Tam tried not to smile, certainly failing, as he wrote his response.

"Yeah I think the time you talked back to Miss Cadence she wanted to expel you. Lucky Principal Alina had a thing for pseudo-dad Alden."

"Oh God I haven't talked to him in a whiiiiiile."

"?"

"You haven't heard? Yeah, he sorta found out like ALL his kids were ell gee bee tees and freaked out. Della found herself a new gf though!"

"Sounds like a lovely extra punch in the gut for a queerphobe."

"Yep. Honestly I recommend looking through his Facebook sometime. Just a million rants about how the gays destroy everything, great entertainment."

"Duly noted."

At that point it seemed like the doctor started to take notice of their note passing, and they stopped quickly. Tam wouldn't be surprised if he did the whole high school read in front of the class thing with the way he had been acting so far.

Tam was 100% sure tenure was the only thing keeping this guy's job intact. Apparently being a drunk asshole wasn't near enough to get a person out of their position. He tried to ignore the professor's annoyingly smug face for the rest of the class.

~*~

Keefe sat in his usual spot at the library, Tam sitting across from him, his brown eyes dancing across the textbook page and lips mumbling along the words. He didn't have much to do, often finding himself just staring at Tam, quickly looking away if he seemed to notice.

Eventually he sighed, sitting back.

"Ugh, this test is in a week and I have so much other crap to do, I'll never get this all memorized by Friday."

Keefe silently thanked his brain for managing to get around the having to study thing. Yay, photographic memory!

"Oh, uh, well I'm free to study more tomorrow if that would help? We could do, like, flashcards or something."

Tam seemed to repress a smile. He did that a lot. Keefe always noticed.

"That's okay, I'm sure you have better things to do. The Starbucks is always pretty packed."

"Eh, sometimes you have to get away from Marella. She's mean to me."

"Not just you, once she told me if I ever made fun of Linh's cat's name again she'd make me cut off my own bangs."

Keefe nodded sagely. "The shorter you are the closer to hell. That's why you're worse than her."

"Hey!"

Tam flicked a stray rubber band at Keefe.

"I'm at least 2 inches taller than Marella...we measured."

Keefe thought up about 12 inappropriate jokes he couldn't make before flicking the rubber band back.

"Two inches only counts in roller coasters, none of which you can ride."

Tam stuck his tongue out before returning to his studies. Unlike Tam, Keefe didn't hide his smile.

~*~

Tam strolled into the Starbucks that Friday morning, no longer surprised to see Keefe working the counter. He could barely hold still in line as he thought about the amount of cramming he'd have to do in the next few hours.

When he reached the counter, Keefe said nothing, just busily worked making a drink.

He stuck it right out at Tam.

"One venti iced caramel macchiato with 2 extra shots of espresso because you have a test today in political science and still haven't studied everything and also a muffin because you probably haven't eaten today. On the house. Good luck with the studying."

Tam froze.

"I- um- th-thaks. Y-you too...sport."

Oh, you fucking idiot.

He quickly scurried out of the Starbucks with drink and muffin in hand. Wow, he had screwed that up.

But...

Keefe...

He...

He remembered his order and that he had a test and that he forgot to eat when he was stressed holy shit holy shit holy shit holy shit-

Okay, deep breaths Tam, you got this. You can totally handle a frustratingly cute guy showing care for you this is fine...

Not fine, not fine, gotta tell Linh.

He called Linh with no forewarning. Despite the fact that she was currently across the country at a different university, and it was about 3 am for her, she picked up. He barely let her get out a groggy "Hello?" before explaining everything. She only seemed to think a moment before responding.

"Hm. Well it's good to know that college is going good for you. Do you need advice or comfort?"

"Yes."

"Well, first of all, everything's gonna be okay. And I know that doesn't help much but just try to remember we're eighteen, and it's not the end of the world. Second of all, try to ask him out or something. It doesn't have to be framed as a date, like Marella and I got together on a walk in the park, seriously it can be anything."

"Thanks Linh."

"No problem, also can you hug Marella for me?"

"If she doesn't try to kill me first, yes."

"Nice. Okay go do what you gotta do, also don't wake me up at 3 am again or else I'll sic Purryfins on you, I had just gone to bed."

With that she hung up and Tam continued on his way, still trying to not completely freak out.

~*~

Keefe stared blankly as Tam walked right out of the door. Marella appeared by his arm.

"So, how'd it go?"

"Well, he called me 'sport'."

Marella inhaled through her teeth.

"Yikes. Comfort, advice, or distraction?"

"Distraction, please." Keefe replied, absent-mindedly preparing a cup for the next customer.

"Uh, well I meant to ask you what ended up happening with that ass of a teacher, but I got a bit distracted at your attempt to woo Tam-"

"Hey I said distraction not reminder. But basically I just got a slap on the wrist because, and I quote, 'Your father is Cassius Sencen! He wrote half the books we use in this class, I'm sure he can straighten you out!'"

"There's absolutely nothing papa Sencen could do to make you straight, I'm pretty sure he tried that, and it obviously didn't work."

"He actually tried a few times and it most definitely did not. Lucky he doesn't have my number anymore or else I assure you he'd keep trying."

Marella laughed.

"Well, moving on from grade A assholes, I'm supposed to tell you there's a party tonight. I'll have to send you the address later, I have it on my phone though, I am told there's gonna be booze, so I'm going."

"Eh, I'll probably go. Just to get my mind off everything."

"Thata boy." She lifted her phone. "And my shifts over in three, two, one, and I am out of here! See ya' tonight Hunkyhair."

"That's Lord Hunkyhair to you."

She just rolled her eyes and clocked out, leaving Keefe to deal with both the customers and his own thoughts.

~*~

Tam sat in his dorm room alone, constantly refreshing his grades for the possibility that his 70-year-old professor would post the test results at 1:30 am.

His roommate was gone for the weekend, actually he was gone most of the time. Tam didn't think they'd even had a full conversation before.

He jumped as his phone began to ring, a call from Keefe of all people. He hesitantly picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Tam! Tam Tam Tam Tam Tam" Keefe's slurred speech was too loud for a phone call, Tam held his phone a bit away from his ear. "...fuck wait why did I call you..."

There was a long pause, neither said anything.

"Oh yeah! I needed to tell you something...but uh I uhm I forgot what it was."

"Keefe, where are you?"

"At a paaaaaarty, well, actually just outside a party because it was hot in there, but now it's cold out here so uh yeah."

Tam sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Okay, send me the address, I'm coming to pick you up. Wait right there and don't move."

"Okie dokie."

Tam heard a thud sort of sound and the rustling of grass from the other line before Keefe hung up and soon after got a message of his location.

After 20 minutes of walking in the cold, Tam came up to what seemed to be a frat house with Keefe sitting on the lawn in criss-cross, patiently waiting in short sleeves and basketball shorts, way too little clothing for the weather. His ruddy face smiled as he saw Tam approach.

"Tam! I remembered what I was going to tell you." He stood up, face falling right after. "Oh no wait I forgot again. Ooh! You need a drink."

Keefe grabbed Tam's hand, pulling him towards the house. Tam stayed in place.

"Hey, let's get you home dude."

Keefe pouted.

"I don't wannaaaa."

He slouched down, pulling on Tam's arm like a child having a tantrum.

Tam pulled him back up to his feet.

"C'mon, if you go to your dorm without fuss I'll buy you ice cream tomorrow."

Keefe seemed much more ok with going along with Tam with the ice cream deal. He pulled off his own coat and placed it around the very drunk boy, he didn't complain.

Keefe began humming some annoying song from the early 2000s that was playing from the house earlier as they walked back in the direction of the dorms.

Suddenly, Tam remembered something.

Fitz was Keefe's roommate.

Shit.

"Hey uh do you think Fitz is at your dorm?"

Keefe nodded confidently.

"Yep! Said he was gon' study. Wouldn't come to the party because of his 'reputation' or whatever."

Around reputation he did exaggerated finger quotes, nearly knocking Tam's jacket off his shoulders.

"Hm...in that case let's go to my dorm, ok?"

Keefe shrugged, apparently willing to go along with most things in his current state. Thank goodness Linh had made Tam bring extra pillows and blankets to college, he could sleep on the floor and just hope Keefe didn't get sick on him in the night.

It was ridiculously hard to lead Keefe back to his dorm. He tried to pull down his pants halfway there and Tam almost had to carry him up the stairs but soon enough they got there. He sighed with relief as he led his inebriated friend into the room.

"Okay, you can stay here for the night. I'll sleep on the floor."

Keefe plopped himself down on Tam's bed laying flat for only a moment before sitting up with a snap and a look of realization in his eyes.

"OOH! I remember what I was gonna tell you again!"

"Oh?" Tam said playing along, expecting him to forget again.

He patted the spot next to him on the bed, Tam continued to play along, sitting next to him.

"So Marella said that I should just tell you this, and it worked for her, so I'm gonna. And uh and you have to promise to listen 'cause I'm not sayin' it again."

At this point Keefe grabbed his face with both hands, staring right in Tam's eyes and squishing his cheeks.

"You're listening right?"

Tam nodded, mostly to shake Keefe's hands off his face.

"Okay."

Keefe took in an over dramatic breath as if he was preparing to preform in the Olympics before getting another grin on his face.

"I really like you."

"You really like me?"

He nodded mumbling "mhm".

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I like you. Like, like like you."

"Like...as a friend?"

"I said I wasn't gonna repeat myself. As a booooyfriend." At this point Keefe fell back on the bed, looking at the ceiling. Tam's cheeks were burning.

"How long have you liked me like that?"

"Mmmm..." Keefe seemed to ponder for a moment, "Prolly high school."

"Oh um...good to know. You should get some rest. I'll be down here if you need me."

"Alrighty."

Tam shut off the lights and Keefe started snoring quick. Tam could only stare up in the darkness, unable to sleep.

~*~

Keefe woke up that morning in a room he didn't recognize to a killer headache and dead phone.

He turned to the side, seeing a pile of blankets and pillows with a large gatorade, bottle of tylenol, and a note next to it. Suddenly last nights memories came flooding back.

Oh, shit.

He scrambled out of bed, headache and nausea hitting him harder as he stood up.

Despite the fact his head was spinning, he picked up the note from the ground and read it.

Hey, meet me at the reservoir around 6, we need to talk -Tam

F. U. C. K.

Had he really said all that stuff last night? Surely it was a dream, right?

Oh God.

He gathered his few belongings, plus the things to help the hangover, and left the dorms as fast as possible. Only having to stop once along the way to throw up in one of the campus trash cans, hopefully no one would notice.

Keefe didn't have anything to do and he really didn't want to face Fitz so he went about his day in last nights clothing. Then again, it was a college campus. Someone walking around with rumpled clothes carrying a gatorade probably wasn't that big of a deal for most people. By 5:30 he sat impatiently in the empty park where the reservoir was located, it was colder closer to the water.

Just as promised, at 6 o'clock he saw Tam approaching on the horizon.

~*~

Tam was damn near a panic attack as he walked around the park attempting to find Keefe. Eventually he found him, sitting on a bench still in his clothes from last night, face once again ruddy from the cold. He sat next to him wordlessly.

"So," Keefe started.

"So," Tam replied, looking down at his lap.

"Tam I-" Keefe turned to face him. "I'm sorry about everything last night, I probably just made everything super awkward. Not to mention it's a giant violation of the friend code to even have a crush on your best friend's ex-"

"Yeah, about that."

"What?"

"You're gonna maybe kill me for this but uh," Tam pulled on his bangs. "I sorta talked to Fitz about it, I figured you wouldn't and apparently I was right. He said he was okay with it as long as we were ok with it."

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

Tam sighed, "Perhaps."

Keefe once again wore that shit-eating grin of his.

"Can I hear you say it?"

"Why don't you have to say it?"

"Already said it last night! Your turn now. Why did you take care of me while I was drunk?"

Keefe stared at Tam excitedly waiting for the answer. Tam sighed.

"Because I love you, little shit."

"Ooh you said it-"

Tam smashed his lips against Keefe's, both quickly melting into it. After only a moment they pulled away.

"Agh, you taste like gatorade and vomit."

"Well you taste like salt so really what's worse."

"Definitely the vomit."

Despite this, Tam leaned back in. This kiss was a moment longer than the last, and when Tam pulled away Keefe chased it.

"Ok, look I'm sorry but you look like shit Keefe you have to go change." Tam removed his jacket, throwing it around Keefe once again and helping him up from the bench. Keefe laughed.

"Yeah, you're right. Ooh now that we're a thing you need a new nickname!"

"I do?"

"You do, how about 'Bangs Boyf' ooh or maybe you can be my 'provoked partner' or my 'snappy spouse' my 'agitated accomplice' perhaps."

"Do you just have these ready and prepared for any situation?"

"A magician never reveals his secrets."

"You aren't Houdini, you're an 18-year-old boy that currently reeks of frat party."

"Eh that's basically the same thing. I've seen some 18-year-olds at frat parties preform tricks Houdini could never dream of."

Tam sighed dramatically. "It's a good thing you're pretty, you know."

"Hey!" Keefe jokingly shoved him.

For the first time Tam's smile wasn't repressed.

#hope you like this elliot!#kotlc #keeper of the lost cities #kam #keefe sencen #tam song #kotlc fic #scheduled to post at 9 am and ill reblog once i get back to my phone because ill be doing x-mas stuff

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