#i wrote this all in one sitting lmao
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A story
Who knows how long i had been here, laying motionless in a field. I stopped counting after the first couple of days, it didnt seem to matter anymore. The flowers around me were blooming so fast, there's many more than i could count at this point. Not like i want to try anyways. The sky changes colours more often than i thought, sunsets turn into sunrises and sunrises turn into sunsets more times than i care to acknowledge. It happened so fast, all i can remember clearly is falling. And him. Where is he? Where did he land? Will he find me? I cant find him. I cant move, i keep trying but each time it's less effective. My tears keep flowing, i'm surrounded by them, and these stupid flowers. Everything hurts. All i can feel is a breeze and agonizing pain. Yet all i can do is stare into the distance and cry. The ichor is still spreading, i can feel it. The burning, the itchiness, the fear it creates. My body...it's rotting at this point. My soul too damaged to mend itself. Where is he? When will i be found? Will it be too late? It hurts...everything hurts. The sky looks strange today, there are a few clouds. But its a weird shade of blue, one i've never seen before. The flowers have started to cover my body. I can see them in the corners of my eyes, their soft petals covering the bruises and cuts littering my body. I'm starting to go numb, maybe i'm finally drifting off to sleep. I havent been able to since the fall. The sky is an even stranger shade of blue, it's almost green at this point. All things considered i am incredibly thankful no bugs have noticed me. From the open wounds to the utter stillness, my body, or corpse at this point maybe, would have been perfect for their filthy spawn. My thoughts are interrupted by a low rumbling, the ground beneath me shaking. The animals nearby start fleeing from the area, more spooked than i have ever seen. The rumbling continues for a while, slowly getting more intense as the sky continues to darken. A figure emerges in the distance, even from here i could tell they're enormous. My eyes widen, Help, i call out wordlessly. please...i dont want to be alone. No sound escapes, i can't even move my mouth, i just want to go home. The figure and i seem to make eye contact. help..help me..... Slowly it approaches me. Other much smaller figures rise, but they leave in other directions. The figure comes closer as i continue to breathlessly call out. i dont want to die. Its here, it looks familiar. Why does it look familiar? I watch as it becomes smaller, shifting to resemble a human. And runs towards me. I cant hear it but its mouth is moving, it looks scared. It kneels beside me and turns my head towards itself, then i hear it, a choir of voices in my mind. "what...what did they do to you.. ?" Still, all i can do is stare. My tears still haven't stopped flowing. But it doesnt seem to care. It wraps its arms around me and the voices speak again as everything fades away, "you may rest now little one"
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castiel “family that i chose now that i see your brother as my brother” and dean “is it enough if i can never give you peace?” winchester
#peace is probably my most listened to this year#no wonder it’s one of the songs i associate with them#i wrote a poem listening to peace#i wrote a song thinking about destiel#actually two i just wrote one lmao#so like#i think about both all the time#obviously i had to put them together#SIT WITH YOU IN THE TRENCHES ‼️‼️#ID GIVE YOU MY SUNSHINE#GIVE YOU MY BEST#BUT THE RAIN IS ALWAYS GONNA COME#IF YOU’RE STANDING WITH ME#tell me it isnt dean coded#actually it is i make the rules#taylor swift#ts#peace taylor swift#destiel#supernatural#dean winchester#castiel#deancas#spn#folklore taylor swift#folklore album#dean x castiel
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changed my tune so fast just bc of youtube autoplay lmao ok here have some sagau diluc thoughts
the player, diluc thinks, is an incredibly endearing being.
he's come a long way from the curt and wary attitude he used to put on around the traveler (and by extension, you), and today is one of those days where he finds himself privately thanking whatever powers there may be that allowed your paths to cross, with him staring at the reflection of you hidden deep within the traveler's eyes in the wake of his fight with the abyss that fateful night in mondstadt.
as one of the first people to have their constellations manifest in the sky of teyvat, diluc is more than aware that the fact that you still choose to ask for his company in your (or, well, the traveler's) journey is a gift he must treasure deeply. he knows that it is your presence in this world that gives vision bearers a chance to become something greater than they presently are. he also knows that he is no longer as impressive of a companion in battle as he used to be from back when the sky wasn't as bright as it is now (when the world you knew was smaller and he was still a figure that you could look to and proudly call "your main").
but you always come back to him. when he least expects it, you invite him back to your party and diluc can't help but privately think, privately wish, that it's because you're as fond of him as he is of you.
standing in silent prayer while you bestow upon him artifacts that thrum with divine power is an experience he can never tire of. the claymores you give him, the food he eats, all the materials he needs to reach a breakthrough in his capabilities... he understands that you aren't teyvat's creator, but this world and everything in it seems to exist just for you. you, the provider, the sustainer, the beloved of all. sometimes, diluc feels that everything he has and ever worked for have all been for the sake of one day meeting you.
he's not a religious man by principle, and he loathes people of absolute power. the only exception to this, however, is you. he's not foolish enough to believe you're some omnipotent, omniscient being that lords above all. no, you're not like that. he knows this because the longer he journeys with the traveler and feels their bond strengthen, the faint whispers he used to strain himself to hear grow clearer and clearer until finally, one day, he hears you.
you're both nothing and everything he thought you'd be. you view the world of teyvat with so much awe and joy that it's infectious, and he finds himself smiling more often than not to the privilege of finally hearing you. the traveler always looks at him with an understanding smile when diluc slows down in their travels to listen to you. he lives for the moments when you talk to yourself or to someone else (a companion of your own, maybe? from your place beyond the stars?) because this is how he learns. your favorite food, your favorite nations, your favorite "characters" and more. he holds every morsel of information you unknowingly give close to his chest where all his affections and wishes hide. he likes to think that this way, he can be closer and better for you.
but he knows he's not the only one who hears you, and it is the traveler that is closest to you out of all them. even so, diluc harbors no ill will to the avatar you chose to see and travel the world through. you're so fond of the traveler, and how could he ever come to loathe anything graced by your love?
he knows how to play nice. it helps that most of your other chosen are people he can find himself enjoying the company of as well. diluc understands that as much as he wants to be the sole holder of your attention, the world does not function that way. he's willing to extend an olive branch so long as they can all work together to keep you present in teyvat. he can worry about his more aggressive competition later when they aren't at risk of being caught in such an unsightly state by you — all that matters to him, right now, is how to keep your gaze on him for just a little longer and keep you from leaving him again.
it's a daunting thing to be so close to your grace. you take diluc to lands he'd never thought he'd visit again, to ruins of civilizations long past, domains with unimaginable horrors and have him run, claymore and vision burning at his hip, into fight after fight at your command. it's tiring at best and painful at worst, but you always take care to heal him and his companions before leaving, and you always lead them somewhere safe to rest until teyvat brightens and you come again.
his current companions (his "supports", he inwardly preens) rest and talk amongst themselves once they feel your presence leave. it used to be something they, your chosen, would panic over, but now that they've gotten more used to you and all the signs that pointed that yes, this is your will, they've grown to be able to tolerate the harrowing chill that comes when your warmth leaves them. diluc leans back on his chair in front of good hunter to observe them. they're all people he's come to grow fond of in time: diona was prickly, yes, but ha become pleasant to be around once they grew past their misunderstandings. the young master of the feiyun commerce guild, xingqiu, was also a reliable companion both in and outside of battle, and for all his faults, venti has proven himself to be a devout believer, unwilling to be a burden to you or the party you've guided him towards.
under normal circumstances, he never would've met and forged such strong bonds with these people. if not for your own interference, he never would've bothered getting to know any of them at all. though he may have his own gripes and complaints at times of how their dynamic works when you're not around, diluc is still fond of them. he's grateful for the opportunity to grow close to people again, and traveling the world alongside them and the traveler has become one of the few things he's begun to look forward to outside of his duties as "diluc, master of dawn winery." when the day is done and he can sit and relax with them in the tables in front of good hunter, he can rest in the company of others who understand the near-maddening pull in his chest that draws him to try and get closer, closer, to you.
it's days like these where diluc quietly thanks whatever it is brought you to them, and prays that one day, he will no longer have to search through the traveler's eyes to see you.
#miyo.muses#diluc.togo#i wrote this all in one sitting please i love him so much#i hope my research did you justice sir#if he sounds awkward or anything id appreciate feedback on how to improve!#diluc is one of my faves honestly and i wanna write more for him#and as you can see#he is a very generous muse#this is worse than when i wrote for zhongli oml#i wanted to keep this short n sweet#just a silly little hcs or brainrot post#but no#this happened#but im not that mad lmao diluc gets a free pass <3#also pls dont flame the team ok i asked a friend what their diluc team looks like and they said “diona + xing + venti”#dsdhewu i have a very skewed view on what's considered a long or short post but just to play it safe#i added the read more this time bc id hate to be the person who clogs up the tags with super long posts#ok thats it rambling over i hope u guys enjoy <3#genshin impact#sagau#self aware genshin#genshin diluc#diluc x reader
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Are You Happy?
sudden burst of inspo be like:
sorry i dropped off the face of the earth(ish) apparently im limited to three fics per fandom haha
anyway south park amirite
(also psa im bri ish so idk how american unis work so the boys r 18ish here but im p sure i didn't get anything disastrously wrong)
word count: 1459
pairing: Lee!Craig/Ler!Tweek
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Craig?”
Tweek sat on his bed next to his boyfriend, anxiously tugging on the base of his shirt as he studied Craig’s expression. Despite being the stoic one of the two, he had a strangely tense look about him.
“Yeah?” Craig said, fiddling with his fingers.
“Uh, are you- ACK, okay? You seem kind of n-nervous?” Tweek asked, twitching a little.
“Oh, yeah I’m fine,” He responded, still looking at his hands, “Why wouldn’t I be?”
“GAH- uh, because of your uni-university application?!” Craig had applied to the University of Colorado’s astrophysics course and was due to hear back at some point in the coming week. Although he had the grades for the course, he wasn’t sure about his personal essay and had been internally freaking out for a while. It was Saturday now, and his nerves were at an all-time high. He guessed it was starting to show.
“No.” He said, then paused, “Yes. I’m just worried I won’t get in.” Honesty is the best policy, or whatever.
“Of course you will!” Tweek said, winking out of anxiety. “You’re the- GAHAH- smartest guy I know!
Craig hummed, digging his feet into the bed.
“I don’t know about that…” He muttered.
“And besides! Maybe they’re just BUSY! Or running late or s-something.” He said, screwing up his face in a twitch.
“Maybe,” Craig said, unconvinced. “You’re lucky you don’t have to worry about this.” Tweek had taken a gap year to work at his parent's shop and figure out what he wanted to do with his life. If Craig was accepted then he would follow him to Boulder, or wherever he wanted to go. Tweek was sure he’d follow Craig to the ends of the earth.
“AH- don’t mention that! It’s WAY too much pressure!”
“Right,” Craig said, “Sorry.”
Tweek twitched anxiously. He had almost no experience in comforting people and was way out of his depth. Craig probably didn’t want to talk about it, and he wasn’t sure what else to do. He gently tugged on his hair, thinking about what Craig had done for him when he was anxious. Slowly, an idea formed.
“Craig?” He said, again.
“Yeah?”
“Um, do you want me to- ACK- cheer you up or some-something?”
He looked at Tweek, a little bemused.
“You can try,” Craig said, curious as to what he would do.
Tweek took a careful breath in, then shuffled closer to Craig and, shivering slightly, wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Craig tensed, then sagged into his boyfriend's touch. Despite having been ‘together’ for around eight years, their relationship had only become real two years ago, and even still they were a little shy around each other. Tweek was too anxious to make the first move most of the time, and Craig had no idea how to, so they danced around each other until one of them stepped up.
Craig had forgotten how comforting Tweek could be if he tried. When Stripe 5 had died Tweek’s hugs had been the only thing keeping him together. He sighed and shuffled closer to him, breathing in the smell of coffee.
They stayed like that for a few minutes, until Tweek worked up the courage to enact part two of his plan. He placed his spare hand on Craig’s side and began gently tracing his fingers along his hoodie. Craig stiffened again, jumping when Tweek’s fingers twitched against him.
“Honey, what are you dohing?” He said, stifling a giggle when Tweek’s fingers crept toward his stomach.
“Well, you remember when- GAH- I was f-feeling anxious about nothing a few weeks ago, and you asked me if you could cheer me up? And I said yes so you started t-tickling me and you didn’t stop until you thought I was happy? And I kept- AH- saying I was happy but you were like ‘I don’t believe you, honey.’ and it t-tickled really bad? Do you remember that?” While he spoke Tweek’s other arm slipped from around Craig’s shoulders, making him squeak and slide down the bed as Tweek started pinching his side.
“Nohoho,” Craig said, trying to bring his knees up to protect his stomach. Tweek noticed and shifted till he was sitting on Craig’s thighs to keep them down.
“No?! You don’t r-remember? It was only a few weeks ago- GAH-, you must have a pretty bad memory.”
He started scratching Craig’s stomach, making him laugh properly.
“I rehemehembeher!” He cried, his hands torn between covering his face and pushing away Tweek’s hands. He settled on tugging the flaps of his hat till it covered his eyes.
“Oh! G-good. Then you remember that- AH- you kept teasing me too? You were like ‘Does this t-tickle, babe?’ ‘How about here?’ ‘Are you having fun? You sound like you’re having fun.’. So, Craig, I want to a-ask you: are you having fun?”
“Ahahaha!”
“‘That’s not an answer, babe.’ That’s what you’d say.” Tweek said. He had to admit that he was sort of enjoying himself. Craig had tickled him, but he’d never worked up the courage to get him back. Now though, as he watched his boyfriend squirm and blush and laugh under his wiggling fingers, he understood exactly why Craig got him all the time. His laugh was somewhat monotone but it had a lightness to it that made Tweek feel all warm inside.
“Are you happy? Are you h-having fun? Do you- AH like this, baby?” He teased, drumming into his ribcage.
Craig was sure he was going to die. Tweek’s fingers were sending little bolts of lightning through his body, darting around so he couldn’t catch them. Worse, though, was the teasing. He was sure it wasn’t as bad when he did it to Tweek, his stomach was full of butterflies and his face was burning hot. Tweek rarely called him pet names, so he was sure he was about to combust. But the worst of it was that he was enjoying it. It was fun to have Tweek be so playful and close to him and to have all his anxiety chased away by his uncontrollable laughter. Not that he was going to say that to him though.
“Are you- ERK- ignoring me?” Tweek said, grinning impishly. His fingers wiggled upwards, then lifted entirely.
Craig panted, pushing up his hat and catching his breath.
“Ihihi’m nohoht ihignohoring yohou.” He giggled.
“Then answer my q-questions, love,” Tweek said, still smiling as his fingers twitched in the air above Craig’s chest.
“Whahat were thehey again?”
“Do- AH- do you like this? Are you h-having fun?”
“Uh,” Craig trailed off, pulling his hat down again, “Maybe…” He whispered.
“What was that?”
“MahahABYEHEHE!! TWEEK!” He squealed at Tweek’s fingers suddenly wiggling into his underarms. Craig slammed his arms down and arched his back, trying to squirm away from the unbearable feeling.
“Oops, I d-didn’t catch that.” Tweek said, using his pointer fingers to rub little circles into the divots of Craig’s underarms.
“I LIKE IT! I LIHIHIHIKE IHIHIT! PLEHEHAHASE HONEY, IHIT REHEHAHALLY TIHIHICKLES!”
“And you’re happy?”
“IHIHI’M HAHAPPY! WHEHENEHEVEHER IHI’M WIHIHITH YOHOHOUHU IHI’M SOHO HAHAHAPY!”
Tweek squeaked, blushed, and toppled off Craig, falling to the side of him. He shifted and turned to face him, where Craig had done the same.
“Do- GAH- do you mean that?” He said, shyly.
Craig took a few deep breaths, “Yeah,” He said.
He tried to adjust his hat but ended up taking it off and throwing it somewhere vaguely behind him. Instead, he leaned forward, kissing Tweek softly.
He made a content noise and leaned a little deeper into Craig. At that same time, the doorbell rang and Craig’s mother called him downstairs.
The two boys looked at each other before racing down the stairs and stumbling into Craig’s kitchen, where his mother stood holding an envelope.
Craig took a deep breath in, crossing the kitchen and ripping it open. Tweek felt his heart hammer, nervous on Craig’s behalf. His eyes scanned the text before he closed the letter again and gently set it down on the counter. The tension was so thick you could have cut it with a knife. Slowly, he turned to face Tweek.
Tweek’s heart sank. There were pinpricks of tears in Craig’s eyes and he was ready to offer the ultimate sympathy when a smile took over his face and he announced, in the driest, most monotone voice,
“I got in.”
Everyone erupted in cheers. His mother, his father and sister (who had come to see what all the fuss was about,), and Tweek.
They all rushed forward and Craig found himself crushed between all his favourite people.
Tweek caught his gaze and smiled, his eyes glittering.
“I t-told you there was nothing to worry about. You’re the smartest guy I know.”
#lee!craig#ler!tweek#south park tickles#i am binging south park like youve never seen. im on season 19 and i started like a month ago#bearing in mind im at college full time i think its a pretty impressive run lmao#just finsihed tweek x craig and UHH SUDDEN INSPO#plus i thought abt this while i was bored at work#literally wrote this in one sitting idk where all this motivation came from#ok thank for reading bye#my fics
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i cant believe this stupid fucking idea became my longest sapphic september fic 😭
#theres One other fic with a slightly (by like 100) higher word count#but it's also multichapter with more chapter headings#author notes#etc#AND this one is all going up on one day so yeah longest by far#i just wrote 6k of this in one sitting i thought i was going to stop hours ago but then the Ideas didnt stop lmao#sapphic september#fic rambling#day 12
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JUST READ THE LATEST CHAP OF LIAR LIAR AND WKDJKWIXIW THE DANCE WAS SO CHTE THEY ARE SO CUTE I FIKWKDKW ALSK THE DEDICATION TO ME MADE ME SO HAPPY THAT WAS SO DWEET LITERALLY THE BEST GIFT I COULDVE ASKED FOR UOU ARE MY FAV THANK YOU if you have no fans i am dead. srs.
ofc it was dedicated to you ml, it was your BIRTHDAY (which i hope you had the best celebration ever for btw) 😫🥳🤭
SOOO glad you liked it, not that i thought you’d hate it bcz it happened to be my fav chapter out of everything i’ve written so far, so i knew you’d like it to some extent at least 🫨
no girl, i don’t have fans, you’re my friend, there’s a difference 😭 we do nawt do fans around here, children (majority of you are slightly older than me but idc idc you guys are my children and i’m the mother hen).
tysm for your comments and messages and just existing, you’re so amazing pls never die wiwksnjwnsbs
#‘happy birthday again jelly-fsh’ we all say in unison!#it was so convenient that her birthday fell right around the time the new chapter was being wrapped up (kinda)#i had to rush a little and wrote 11k words in one sitting to get it out on september 11th (our lovely jelly-fsh’s birthday)#but i felt so accomplished when i did#till tumblr wanted to be a bitch and not release the chapter#still working on that here tho#but yeah#let’s all thank jelly-fsh for letting me know it was her birthday#she told me not to rush but like hello? it’s ur BIRTHDAY#wanna show my appreciation for her by releasing it on the big day#happy … idk what age lmao… happy nth birthday!!!!#belated since it passed but yk 😭#love her to death#love my little family of liars here#<3333#liar liar asks!
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SIGHS..... corny time
straight up running out of chapters now been too busy posting them but mmm venus time again !
#idk why THIS feels like my most embarrassing chapter after all the rest of it but yknow#i think cuz like a bunch of the things seemed iffy or something idkkkk#wcs#writing#anyway i wrote abt venus doing mind magic shit while forgetting original venus could literally do that so arent i clever#and there'll be more of that so i hope it doesnt come off like 'aha she fixed him' cuz she didnt#but i prooooooobably should sit on the next one for a minute to like. write more. lmao
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happy valentine's day here's some queers in love at the aquarium
#if you thought i wouldn't try and post a cute fic today of all days?#i almost didn't lmao#i wrote this in one sitting last night and just edited it in one sitting and my brain hurts#but here we are#ace attorney#fanfic#my writing#verawocky#wocky kitaki#vera misham#verocky
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on analyzing acting: ohm pawat as an example
attention: read my additions to this post first for some more context as it might help you understand a little better what i'm on about here...
ok so this post was born out of me wanting to give an example of what i mean by "actors perceiving something" bc you can see that really well in bad buddy ep 3 [3/4] in the music shop scene where they're hiding and pat smells pran. however, i realized i actually have a lot more to say on this moment and that i can also use it to try and showcase what i mean with "(having) thoughts"/"creating images" as well as what "directions" are supposed to be (i'm struggling the most with explaining directions in english lmao). i ended up having so much to say that it absolutely is worthy of its own post, so here it is
so this here is the moment in question that i'm going to analyze and i'm going to look at ohm specifically:
[sorry for the image quality of this gif, i had to compromise it in order to get the file size down]
before i say anything, here's a little disclaimer: obviously i have absolutely no idea what was going on in ohm's head in that moment when he was shooting that take. so whenever i make a mention of a specific sentence that the actor or the character could be thinking it will be my very own interpretation of what i personally am seeing or getting out of it. there are many thoughts and emotions one can read out of an actor's performance (often multiple at once!) and there are many ways of putting all of this into words. i will try to keep everything as technical as possible but sometimes i do need to say what i think is going on in the actor's/character's head in order to explain my point
ok so let's go and break down some of the acting things that ohm is doing here
[gif 1]
this is a wonderful example of an actor actually and actively perceiving something. at this point pat hasn't actively smelled pran yet, he hasn't reacted to that smell yet. in fact, up until this point pat is more focused on not being caught by chai. what ohm is doing here is showing us the process of going from "don't get caught" to "pran smells good af". and it starts right here. in order to do so, in order for this change of topic to work smoothly pat has to become aware of pran's smell first. and ohm is acting it out for us: he really is perceiving and noticing that smell as the actor and we can see the controls in his brain going "oh my nose is sensing something"
another thing i want to point out here is his "spielrichtung" (god i GOTTA figure out a word for this in english) aka this is where i talk about his "directions" even though it's difficult for me in english bc it sounds rather clunky. (for those who didn't read my original reblog where i talk about acting concepts: the literal translation of this german term is "direction of playing" or "direction of acting". this direction can refer to many things, such as where the focus is directed, or an action, a thought, etc...)
here in this moment ohm's directions are both downwards and very inwards. as in: his focus goes downwards to where the smell is entering his nose while his thoughts are very much directed inwards. this is a private moment for pat and ohm shows us this by acting towards the inside (ohm/pat is completely inside his own head in this moment) ("by acting towards the inside" – sorry, this sounds so clunky in english, i mean to say "indem er nach innen spielt")
alright, moving on. so in real life, once a person has perceived something and the brain has processed and determined it... what happens next? the person is going to react to it and have one or the other thought. in real life we go through a process of perceiving - processing - (re)acting and the same thing should happen in acting:
[gif 2]
first ohm showed us that pat has perceived something, now ohm shows us that whatever pat has perceived causes some thoughts/feelings inside of pat
(quick side-note on his directions: he's still very much inwards in his direction, the private moment in his head is continuing. and despite his eyes going to the side, the focus of his actions is still directed downwards because again, that's where the smell is)
(edit: i had my mom read this post and on the topic of directions in gif 2 she pointed out that you can actually split it up in three directions even: everything is happening on the inside, then you have the sensory direction that is going downwards because that's where the smell is, while he's sending his thoughts sideways)
i can't read minds, nor can i time travel so i have absolutely no idea what thought was crossing ohm's mind in that exact moment, but it has to be something along the lines of "i gotta smell that again". ohm/pat has perceived the smell, he considers it for a moment and whatever he's thinking here leads to the next moment where pat smells pran on purpose (note: i do love how his head is subconsciously moving slightly down towards the source of the smell again even before he's actively taken the decision to sniff pran):
[gif 3]
(edit: another thing that my mom said is that in gif 2 it's like his thoughts aren't quite focused yet, they're not quite formed, while in gif 3 his thoughts are very much focused. it's like his thoughts went from a subconscious level in gif 2 to a conscious level in gif 3. anatomically speaking you could even say that in gif 1 and 2 he percieves the smell emotionally and in gif 3 it goes over into a cognitive perception of the smell. because he percieves the smell subconsciously in the beginning and the very first thing that happens when you perceive a smell is that it goes to the emotional center of the brain. then the smell goes on to the cerebral cortex and only then you get the cognitive perception of the smell. ohm's performance here really is FLAWLESS. in the words of my mother, a trained nurse: "he plays that EXTREMELY WELL because you can analyze it anatomically even, and use his performance to showcase how the sense of smell works")
and now we have arrived at the point where pat is sniffing pran. what i really like about this is how subtle ohm portrays this. he doesn't stick his nose into nanon's back and we don't even see him breathe in. and yet we still know that pat is smelling pran here, all bc of ohm's body language where he moves his head down to the source of the smell and the thoughts that ohm is having in his head in that moment. you can just see that ohm is really and actively smelling something here. and by that i mean not only just the motion of him moving his head down, but rather that again he is actively perceiving a smell as his head is filled with thoughts (his thought process goes from something like "what was that smell" to "ok i'm smelling, i'm checking this out")
and now we're back to the point where we were earlier. once again our character is perceiving and processing something, our actor is acting it out for us and so what has to happen next? exactly, a reaction to the new information the character's brain has just processed:
[gif 4]
and again we can see that ohm's head was filled with actual thoughts in that moment (probably something along the lines of "wow he smells really good" or "oh what a nice smell". and it looks kind of unexpected to me, as if there's also some surprise coming with it along the lines of "oh i wasn't expecting to like his smell so much" or "i didn't think he would smell this nice")
i keep going on and on about thoughts, and it's because that was hammered into me by my fave monologue teacher. he kept going on about "getting your thoughts straight" and "having thoughts" ("die gedanken haben") and whenever we students had no idea what to do with our bodies he'd tell us that if we know exactly what we're thinking in that moment we shouldn't worry about our body because our body will follow our thoughts automatically. we can see that beautifully in gif 2 where an underlying thought (and i don't necessarily mean thought as in an actual thought or sentence inside the mind, but thought kind of in the sense of an emotion or feeling, if that makes sense), anyway in gif 2 there's an underlying thought along the lines of "this smell is good i want to get close to it i want to keep smelling it" and ohm's/pat's head is already moving slightly downwards towards the smell before ohm/pat has taken a conscious decision to take a purposeful sniff. the power of thought y'all. thought is a powerful tool when it comes to acting. and it's really obvious when an actor is in no-thoughts-head-empty mode. unfortunately i don't have an example of a thought-less actor on hand, or i would show you. ok, that's a lie, actually. i do have some examples, but they either don't work as a tumblr post (once again i wish i could do this one acting analysis project i did with my uni friend with online people as well) orrrr i don't want to share them publicly bc i don't wanna hurt anyone's feelings and i want to avoid angry anons in my ask box or getting into arguments with random internet users (i quite like my quiet, peaceful tumblr life where i'm a nobody, thanks)
okay, now back to bad buddy and ohm:
in the other post where i talk about acting i mention that while my monologue teacher would talk a lot about thoughts, my mother instead likes to talk about "creating images". my mom likes to think of it as a flipbook where you have individual pictures that make a moving image when going from one picture to the next at speed. personally i think you can also think of it as individual panels of a comic book that together tell a narrative arch. if we look at the first part from this perspective, as if if were a comic, we can see that ohm provides the audience with these clear images:
image 1: perceiving a smell, becoming aware of it, noticing it
image 2: reacting to that first whiff, something along the lines of "is this pran's smell? i gotta smell pran. for science. to see if that nice smell is him"
image 3: smelling on purpose, there is an aim to the action, it is motivated by thought and by what happened previously
image 4: another reaction to the perceived smell, this time it's a realization and/or a conclusion (the realization could be something like "oh i like the way pran smells" and the conclusion would be "yes what i sensed earlier was in fact pran's smell")
in full:
[gif 5]
it has only been three (3!!) seconds (yes i went and checked the duration of that clip on premiere pro) and ohm has already told us an entire story arc. god, i LOVE it when actors do actor things
alright, let's continue with part 2:
so now we get to the part where pran (nanon) comes in with an impatient "what now?" and pat (ohm) reacts
[gif 6]
since ohm is a good actor he once again presents us with that split second where we can see that he was actively listening to nanon's line, we get to see the moment where pat's brain is processing pran's comment and comes up with a reply. once again ohm is acting this all out for us. this is also what helps make it look like everything is spontaneous: as if the character didn't know pran was gonna say something and what he was gonna say, even though the actor, having memorized the script and likely having discussed it with his co-star and/or the director, definitely knew about it
now let's look at his directions again before we move on to the next gif: he's still in inwards-mode, but pran's line distracts him and snaps him away from the downward focus and now it's going to the side instead, towards nanon/pran
remember what happens after the processing? that's right, a (re)action. pat reacts to pran's comment with the action of saying "you smell good"
[gif 7]
what i find particularly interesting here are ohm's directions. before i sat down to gif these 10 seconds of scene i distinctively remembered ohm's spielrichtung (fuck it, i'm going with the german word bc "directions of playing" or "direction of acting" just doesn't sound right – quick german grammar lesson: spielrichtung = singular, just one single direction; spielrichtungen = plural, two or more directions) being very much towards the inside. and i had assumed that pran's comment would snap him out of it, that nanon's line would trigger a jump in his spielrichtung. but looking at it now? this... is not quite what i'm seeing. what i'm seeing instead is actually fascinating to me
you see, his actions and his line definitely have an outward focus, to the side where nanon is. however, it looks like that outward focus hasn't quite reached his eyes (it's in the way his eyes travel towards nanon, but they're not really focusing on anything in particular, he looks very distracted instead, as if his mind is somewhere else)
to reiterate: his words are traveling outwards while his eyes look like they're still in inwards-mode. outwards and inwards – two opposing sides. this creates conflict and it's exactly what makes me as a viewer sit up in curiosity and go "huh? what's this? what's going on here?" it fills me with a lot of questions about the character: why can't he snap out of it? did pran's smell really affect him this much? so much that his mind is still on it even when pran starts talking to him? why is it affecting him so much? what's going on inside him? aww does he have feelings? (yes. yes he does 🤭) it's these little subtle things that make me start caring about a character, that make me want to keep watching in order to find answers to my questions. (also! this would be an example of what i meant in the reblog from the other post when i talked about actor's showing conflicts that aren't in the plot/the script)
to be honest, i'd love to double check ohm's spielrichtungen during this line with my mom, but unfortunately it's gonna be another two weeks until i go home for semester break. because this is one of those moments where i realize that i still need to practice my acting analysis skills a lot, because to be quite honest i'm having a moment of is it just me or...? where i'm not entirely sure if i'm seeing this "right" (not that there's much of a right or wrong here...)
alright, moving on... once he finishes talking?
[gif 8]
right before ohm says his next line he falls back into inwards-mode again and once again we see that there are actual thoughts going through his head. what those thoughts are exactly i can't say, but to me it comes across as if pat is reflecting his statement of "you smell good", it looks like pat is lost in thought about pran smelling good (to be honest? at the end of the day it doesn't actually matter what ohm's exact thought process was, the important thing is that he had one at all, because now i as a viewer get to have fun with interpreting it)
and now we're finally coming to the end of the sequence i've decided to analyze. after a short moment of reflection pat adds "you smell so damn good" and goes to sniff pran one last time
[gif 9]
and what's ohm's acting choice here? this time he goes for an exaggerated sniff, he points his entire nose at pran and breathes in loudly (which we can't hear in a gif, of course, but we can definitely very clearly hear that sniff in the episode itself). and delights me very much because this sniff right here? in comparison to the ones in the beginning? is very much for show
the first two times pat/ohm smelled pran was very "quiet", rather small and subtle, and very much for himself. it was a private moment. this sniff now? it's loud, it's exaggerated, it's big with ohm bending his entire face down in order to almost shove his nose right into nanon's back. and of course he sniffs extra loudly, to make sure pran can hear it (and yes, i'm specifically referring to the character now, bc ofc nanon should hear the sniff, but more importantly pran should hear it bc pat is about to be a little shit to annoy him)
the reason why this big sniff delights me so much (especially with regard to how the scene continues after the excerpt that i have chosen for this analysis) goes away from the technical aspect of it and is much more about my own interpretation, but i'll tell you anyway: again, in the beginning it was a private moment, pat was smelling pran just for himself. but this causes him to fail to react to what pran just said about chai being gone now and that pat can get up. having that little story arc where pat notices pran's smell and goes to check it out causes pat to linger and that makes pran suspicious. pran more or less catches pat in his own private moment, and so pat turns sniffing pran into a full on show. "you smell good" he says, "do my laundry", he says. pat was nearly caught having feelings for pran (bc we all know this is why he's so affected by the smell) (fun fact: in german we have this idiom that goes "jemanden nicht riechen können" which translates to "not being able to smell someone". it means that you don't like someone and that's why you can't or rather don't want to smell this person. this idiom actually showcases how important the sense of smell is interpersonal relationships) pat was nearly caught and now he deflects. he gets annoying on purpose (by shoving his nose into pran's back and loudly insisting that he likes the smell) to keep pran from asking more questions, he jokingly demands that pran does his laundry bc obviously pat likes the smell of the detergent, it's definitely not the smell of pran that he likes, okay? yes, exactly, pat likes the detergent, not pran, and him sniffing pran definitely had a heterosexual reason and there were definitely no romantic feelings involved. that's the story pat is putting out into the world, that's the show he's pulling off here. ohm goes from quiet and inwards to loud and outwards (spielrichtungen!) and it just delights me because there is so much i can get out of it when it comes to my interpretation
alright, so i've now reached the end of my chosen excerpt and now that we've gone through the entire thing i just want to talk about one last thing: changes.
in the reblog of the other post i mention that when i analyze acting i look out for whether anything changes. (i didn't explicitly say it in that reblog, but it gets boring when an actor keeps doing the same thing over and over again). in the reblog specifically i take emotions as an example, but also make a note that changes can apply to things other than emotions as well. in this scene of bad buddy ohm provides us with a beautiful example of what changes look like when it comes to a specific action
in this 10 second excerpt that i have chosen, pat smells pran 3x in total:
do you see how each time the action of pat smelling pran is different? each time when pat smells pran it's motivated by a different thought, each time there's a different reason behind it:
the first time is all about pat noticing the smell in the first place, becoming aware of it at all. at this point it's rather accidental: pat never made a decision of "i'm going to smell pran now". no, it just happens. he percieves the smell on an emotional level. sniff one is all about the thought of "oh, i'm sensing a smell".
the second time is where the active decision to smell pran comes in. now he starts perceiving the smell on a cognitive level: this time pat is smelling pran on purpose, it's no longer accidental. pat has a reason to smell pran, he has a goal and it's to investigate that smell that he has just sensed. and as i've already said, he is in his own head and it's a private moment. his thoughts are kinda unfocused and he almost gets a little lost in these thoughts, in the smell. and it's a quiet, subtle action, he only slightly moves his head down to be a little closer to the source and get a better whiff, but that's it, no big loud breathing in, no exaggerated head bending. that sniff right here is for pat. that sniff is between pat and that smell, no one and nothing else. what ohm is doing here is creating a relation between pat and pran's smell
the third time the sniff also comes from an active decision. and again, it has a purpose behind it. this is also what happens in sniff no. 2, so in theory the same thing is happening twice, right? except no, bc the way ohm sniffs nanon for the 3rd time is completely different. while sniff no 2. was quiet and small, now sniff no. 3 is loud and big. it's exaggerated and it's for show. this sniff is no longer only between pat and pran's smell, no, now pran himself is involved too (whether pran likes it or not)
i've said it before and i'll say it again: i LOVE it when actors do actor things
alright, i really am done now. to be honest, i wish i had the time to go to my hometown and go through this whole analysis with my mom first before i post it. despite 3 full years of drama school and 2.5 years of intensely analyzing asian drama with my mom i still don't feel confident in the knowledge i've gained so far and i feel like i need someone with more experience to check my thoughts before i can go publish them for the whole internet to see. but i guess it's time for me to become a big girl that doesn't need to rely on her mommy's opinions. i guess it's because i feel like there is still so much more that i need to learn and there is so much more that i don't notice yet and so i'm afraid that what if what i'm saying is wrong? what if i'm talking bullshit here? but i guess it's time i trust the skills that i have gained so far. besides, when it comes to this there often isn't necessarily a right or wrong but rather a what do you see and how does that make you feel? so i'll go and post this anyway without having anyone look over it, because this is what i see right now at this point in time as i'm writing this. and if at some point in the future i realize i disagree i can always write an update (or another post)
all in all i had fun with this not so little analysis. and i hope you too had fun reading it <3
(edit: as you could already see from the previous edits, well, i actually did have my mom read this whole post at some point after all. she was very impressed and said my analysis is extremely well written. she had almost nothing to add. it's truly about time i start trusting my own skills fklslkkdlsf)
#airenyah talks acting#bbs#bbs ep3#airenyah plappert#sometimes i'm annoyed that english doesn't distinguish between singular you and plural you the way german does#but this time i actually love it bc you'll never know if by you i mean tumblr user gillianthecat or you as in all the readers of this post#i started this analysis around 12pm and it is now midnight oops (writing this on friday january 14th)#(admittedly i did take a break for mealtimes and grocery shopping and for a short uni assignment)#tho you need to know that i've actually been sitting at this since 10:30am bc i wrote the 2nd reply on the reblog in the other post first#i wish i knew how to say the word ''anspielen'' in english bc that's something ohm does exceptionally well#it's one of the things he does that make everyone always say that ohm has chemistry with everyone#(the concept of anspielen is less relevant here i this short excerpt but it IS relevant in many other bbs scenes)#(er spielt seine spielpartner immer so verdammt gut an und sendet dabei so stark and it's BEAUTIFUL)#(hmm sollte ich das wort ''spielpartner'' im vorherigen tag gendern... then again it's mostly boys anyway lmao)#(at least the things i've watched)
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#ever sit like a corpse in your own body?#im doing a job i wasnt designed for. theres this funny thing we do in academia where we beg for money. write in consise phrasing why we#deserve funding. what it is about our project what it is about our personhood that makes us deserving. what we're doing in our present to#give back and ensure a better future. and i can pull together a description of a nervous kid who couldn't read but loved to learn anyway.#who didnt kno how to hold proper a conversation until college and so tried and got better at ppl. who wouldnt let a language problem get in#the way of information gain. who cares about making complicated info visually digestible. and that's a nice story. but it falls apart when#projected into the future. what r u doing for the future? im just trying to continue existing#dont u want to help other ppl like u? sure but i dont have anything nice to say to them. does it ever get easier? no. it probably never will#ur brain was not built for reading. sometimes things r just terrible and u have to accept that. develop a crippling mental disorder or do#something where u dont have to read. see. not helpful. bad attitude. im just too full of blood and broken glass. all my achievements r#stained red and it hurts to look at them. to get myself to function i have to squeeze so tight i can feel the strain in my head. and even#then its not enough. do u kno what its like to spend ur whole life building something only to watch it burn to ashes in front of u? just a#broken machine rotting away underground where no one will see it. but dont let things fester. speak up if somethings wrong. and say what?#lmao i wrote this last night and then today when my advisor was like: hows it going? do u feel like u have enough time to get everything#done? and i had the gall to be like *voice strained high to prevent crying* its alright i think ive got enough time. bc yea technically i#think there r enough hours in yhr day that if i really tried i could get it all done. but that doesn't count the time i spend laying with#thr absolute desolation of my mind. so no. there isnt enough time bc im not doing well. but there's nothing he can do abt it so ya kno#whats the point in talking abt it except to say ya sorry im such a wretched miserable person. i dont kno how to fix it. my enthusiasm is#hidden under layer upon layer of pain. i burnef out before even getting here and im only making it worse#but whatever ill see my therapist Tuesday#unrelated
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hes so funny to me
#OF COURSE HE STILL DOES BOOMERANGS LMAO#who taught him the space before punctuation lol?????#bronny 😭??#hes so papa i want him to adopt me fr#i read his shooting stars book and it gives some good insight on his personal thinking#he loves his mama.. he faced massive hurdles early on so the ones he faces later dont feel as big#he fought to play with his team again in court bcs the board wouldnt let him contact them at all#he wrote a personal letter to the president of the ohio board or smthin trying to explain and plead his case as a kid to let him play#with his friends again.....they used it as evidence in court against him#lebron was very hurt that his school waited until it looked like he was winning the court case to back him#so he was introduced to the cruelty of business at a young age#he just had to live his little kid life treated as an adult A Lot#but he was used to it bcs hes been doing that all his life#so hes not hurt by the circumstances.. but by the people personally#he thinks about being disappointed and mistreated by grown ppl and their grown expectations a lot#but again. he thinks he should be used to it bcs his father already introduced that concept to him early on with his absence#when he had to sit out a game he got worried his team forgot abt him bcs they wouldnt acknowledge him#(they werent allowed)#but he just wanted some sign that they missed him even tho they did give it before the game#he needs constant reminders to be comforted/consistency to start being comfortable#idk lol lebrons always just been a kinda person i feel bad for#sports are always applauded for helping kids grow up... but idk maybe sometimes it can be too fast#i never liked people making fun of him too much bcs ive always just felt some weird pang of sympathy for him#very unpopular opinion in chicago lol#idk anyways this is funny and cute and also i can understand#having adults around you not act like adults can come across as a shocking pain to expectations#realizing later that they shouldnt have acted like that and that they could be Wrong can hurt growing up#but again lebron tries to ease it. with the fact that it's merely only disappointment again#he should be used to it and he is#and maybe that hurts more
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Digimon Survive (Video Game) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Falcomon (Survive) & Hinata Minoru, Hinata Minoru & Momozuka Takuma Characters: Falcomon (Digimon Survive), Momozuka Takuma, Hinata Minoru, Agumon (Digimon Survive) Additional Tags: Fluff and Humor, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Written for Survive Week Day 3: Partners, It Was On Time In My Timezone I Swear, Falcomon is a silly goose Summary:
Convinced that Takuma is trying to steal his partner, Falcomon challenges him to a duel.
#digimon survive#takuma momozuka#falcomon#agumon#minoru hinata#full disclosure#i wasn't originally gonna participate in survive week#but then this idea randomly popped into my head when i was tryna do physics homework#and like a man possessed i couldn't rest until i wrote it#it was all done in one sitting and not edited so like be warned lmao
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i'm brainfarting destiel and dean and cas' general relationship outside of destiel again
this is all based on seasons 4/5 btw
the first time castiel is introduced, dean and every other character refers to cas as 'it', because every other character is a hunter/hunter-adjacent at this point. ruby is a bit of a grey area here, i'll admit, but she is not the focal point rn.
their continued use of 'it' is an amalgamation of fear, apprehension, distrust and how hunters and the winchesters have always interacted with nonhuman beings up to this point. (with those interactions typically being near lethal kill-or-be-killed fights with creatures dead set on hurting humanity)
over time, after meeting castiel, dean and other characters switch from 'it' to 'him' pretty seemlessley.
i've seen many different interpretations of this, mainly that use of 'he' instead of 'it' can be disrespectful to the fact that castiel is an angel and isn't "human" in the way that everyone seems to be trying to humanise him.
but i think that it is incredibly important to dean especially to be able to call castiel 'he' instead of 'it' and it symbolises a level of trust, and hope, and growth for him and his relationship with cas.
dean has, for almost all of his life, been taught that anything that isn't human is going to try to kill him and the rest of humanity if he doesn't stop and kill them first. dean has always been taught that there is inherent value in preserving (human) life. now there is quite a good reason for him being taught that every nonhuman/monster is out to kill, because the majority of the time, they are! there is a separate and far more meta conversation to be had about the use of nonhuman and monster characters as inherently "bad" or "villainous", but inside of canon, a monster or nonhuman entity - the majority of the time - has to actively make the choice to be good or nonharmful, often going against their very base instincts in doing so.
so when cas proves to dean that, yes, he is an angel, and yes, he is emotional and caring and complex and (most importantly to dean) not harmful or dangerous towards human life, dean is able to see cas as his own person. and in his mind, cas, along with many other nonhuman/monstrous entities, go from 'it' to 'he/she/they' because they may not be human, but they are people.
dean uses 'it' to differentiate between those that are out to harm humanity, and those who are not. dean calls cas 'he' because he trusts, and cares for, and values cas in the same way he has always valued life itself. dean doesn't mean to make cas 'human', at least not in the beginning which is what i am talking about, he just means to show that cas is worth something. that cas is worth saving, and fighting for, just like he does with the rest of humanity.
it’s the same thing with calling him ‘cas’ in the first place
#does this make sense?#idk i just wrote this all in one sitting and now im gonna post it lmao#dean winchester#castiel#supernatural#spn#meta??#analysis#media analysis
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a kid at work was like "look at my stuffed animal!!" and i was like "ooooo" bc i love soft things n then she was like "would you like to hold it?" n i was like "BOY WOULD I!!" n then she was like "but he's been injured so i put a band-aid on him" n i was like "oh does he need to be sewn up?" expecting this child to have been like me n just put band-aids on her stuffed animals For Funsoes but then she was like "yeah :(" and showed me the hole n i was like "oh my god. would you like me to fix him up?" n so anyway i have now fixed up the giant gaping hole in her stuffed sloth hehe c:
#i hope to god the knot i made holds bc i'm worried it wasn't sturdy enough...#but i love love love to repair holes in things bc then i can do blind stitches n watching those close up is always so magical#it was one of those stuffed animals with the long fur so i had to cut a little bit away to get the band-aid off but the kid was cool w/it#and now i'm sitting in an office w a single kid bc he wants to read his book quietly. so true of him#the worm speaks#anyway it's also kinda funny bc i biked to work like 'god i hope they have things to maintain. i wanna do maintenance. i crave handicraft'#i just!!! really love handicraft!!! the act of creation!!!! and also doing detailed maintenance work!!!!!#the other day at work i wrote a poem w a kid but they had to go halfway so i finished it myself#all the kids but one were gone but my coworker made me banish my wip from the whiteboard bc it was riffing on a poem the kids#were just kinda repeating ad nauseum all day i guess so i finished it on a bit of paper#since all the kids were gone i started leaning into dark comedy n in the final line i rhymed twenty with 'cunty' so. LMAO#can't be sharing that one with the kids!! c':
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im reading all my old hwu fanfics oh god.. like i was a decent writer but some of the stuff i wrote smh......... and like.. the ships. or one in particular. had to write for the most popular ship if i wanted anyone to read anything i wrote but please know that i HATED it
#if you know then you know#i didnt write much multi-chapter fic (mostly bc i like to plan things too much in advance) but that was the longest fanfic i wrote#idk where i ever got up to with posting it but the doc on my computer is 26k words#13 chapters + 1 paragraph of chapter 14#what a waste of my life lmao. like yeah im glad i wrote a lot for a few years there. definitely a good skill and some good practice#but yeesh#im sitting here reading it and it's from the LI's perspective (which i think was a great choice on my part lbr)#and im just like..........wtf are you doing you gross irresponsible adult man. like yeah danny's VERY stupid here but you're Much Worse#im also realising that danny is absolutely the precursor to my main hawke now. VERY similar personalities#personal#when i say i hated it.. it was fun to write because i enjoyed writing and i liked interpreting the existing dialogue we had in the quests#and turning it into an actual descriptive story. and i was good at it. i was good at writing characters and their feelings#i Really enjoyed writing that character. it just sucked that the ship was horrible and i felt like i had to pretend it wasnt#dethan was the actual good ship but - for all the talk i saw - people didnt actually read it#even the one fic i wrote with chris did waaay better (but tbf that's probably one of the best fics i ever wrote; the post-proposal one)#anyway. if im cringing while reading my old stuff it's not because it's badly written#it's because the way the characters behave already made me cringe when i wrote it lmao
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show & tell pt. 2 (SMG x reader).
part of the love's an uncharted path universe ★.
SUMMARY:
After the… masterclass you gave Mingi the night before, you’re left anxious on what the future holds for you both. But there’s a pool party you promised you would attend and there’s not really time for you to figure your feelings out before your best friend shows up at your door to drive you to it. So maybe today is not the day to figure your feelings out, right? It’s just a pool party anyways, so nothing out of the ordinary is going to happen… right?
PAIRING: best friend!mingi x afab reader.
GENRE: childhood best friends (idiots) to lovers.
WORD COUNT: 11k.
WARNINGS: SMUT ☽ (MINORS DNI) anxiety attack, attempt !!! at comedy, wooyoung being a little shit part two ft jongho, a new oc being the voice of reason, reader is clueless and in denial i fear, jealousy, miscommunication, fighting so this part is just a tiny bit angsty :(, confessions, teasing, face sitting, hand job, car sex (don't do it in public people, it can get you arrested), pet names (love and baby), a plot line at the end none of you guys are going to get until my new wip drops but it's worth the wait!
NOTES: hey everyone! thank you so much for patiently waiting for this second and last part to drop. i think that, after this one, if you guys want to request any drabbles or if i come up with some scenarios for this couple i will post them but for now nothing is on the works. what is on the works is a wip that's part of the same universe as this one, so pay attention to the new characters i mention if you want any clues! this is 100% self indulgent, as all fics should be, and i think i've re-read it so many times that if you find a typo or something that just doesn't make sense, you can blame it on english not being my first language i guess lmao. i hope you enjoy it and if you do feel free to send to my askbox/reblog/type in any feedback or thoughts! <3
POSTED: july 28th 2024.
TAGLIST (sorry if i forgot anyone, pls let me know!): @vannerriin / @mingtinysworld / @purple-bell / @bakepotatoman / @nxy3h / @taehyungmami / @nxcxllxsevens / @breadpuddingboys / @hotteokkay
masterlist.
When you wake the next morning, the consequences of restless sleep show up in your face as a reminder of what happened the night before.
It's not that you regret it, it's more the fact that you feel so unapologetic about messing with the perfect dynamic you have with Mingi that caused you to toss and turn so much.
Last night, after putting your duvet back on and then crashing into the mattress feeling all tingly and giddy, you asked yourself a thousand questions.
The main one being: What the fuck did you do?
The words kept repeating over and over in your head, your voice of reason (or your anxiety) screaming at you to get your phone and make it right before everything becomes a complicated, unresolvable mess.
You had a brief moment of panic and heavy breathing, your chest tight with unspoken emotion and your eyes filled with tears.
It was too much, so you forced yourself up and paced around for what felt like hours trying to get your feet back on the ground. Nothing was working, so you sat down at your desk and rested your forehead against it.
When you didn't feel the usual coolness of the wood, a comfort sensation for when your studies got the best out of you for the day, and instead felt a pen almost stab you in the eye, you -very confused- leaned back.
Mingi’s notebook and the pen he didn't put back on the pencil case seemed to stare back at you lovingly instead of mocking you for losing control over your own emotions.
A sense of peace washed over you when you flipped the pages and landed on the instructions he wrote down. Memories of the amazing years you have had by his side started crossing your mind, like recomforting flashes that allowed your heartbeat to go back to normal:
The first day you saw Mingi, chasing behind a worned out soccer ball and then kicking it so hard it landed on your lawn.
The first time you two hugged, when your dad scolded you for having bad grades until you cried in front of him.
The way he held your hand before heading inside to take the college admission exam, last year of highschool.
His kind eyes. His reassuring smile. The way he made you feel just a few hours back.
There's no getting rid of me either, love.
We'll figure it out.
Letting a few contained tears run down your cheeks, you nodded to yourself as if he was there in the room with you.
Yeah, you'll figure it out.
And then proceeded to, very much, not figure shit out for the rest of the night. You could still feel his hands everywhere and hear his voice against your ear whispering how much he knows you and pays attention to you.
You are fucked.
It's all you can think about when you get ready for the day. It's all you can think about when you help your dad with lunch and when you let your parents know at the table that you are going out that same afternoon.
“Mingi is driving you, right?”
“Yeah…” you whisper in response, eyes focused on one specific spot at the table and mind a million years away from the conversation.
“Good. He's such a good kid, Y/N, I'm glad he knows how to take care of you.”
Choking on air when your brain finally catches up to her words, you look back up at your mother in shock “W-what?”
“Yeah honey, what? Y/N can take care of herself,” your father chips in, unaware of your red cheeks or the honest expression of panic you're giving both of them “She's a big girl that carries around that, uh… What was it?— Ah, that pepper spray I gave her, right?”
“R-right.”
He lets out a satisfied see? at your answer, gives you a tiny smile and gets up from the table to take his finished plate over to the sink.
Your mom stays behind, giving you a look you can't quite read before her usual calm expression washes it away. Only then, you can take a proper, very needed, calming breath.
“I need to get ready. Thank you for the food.”
“You made it, dear.”
“I mean! For taking care of the, uh, plates,” you clumsily correct yourself right away, getting up from the table as well “Love you. Bye!”
You don't miss the confused giggle on your way to your room and when you're behind closed doors, you finally take into consideration that you might be, in fact, overreacting.
Not much, you think, but just enough to give your feelings away. And it's truly a shame, because you were planning on concealing and bottle everything up until it, inevitably, blows up in your face.
Maybe not the smartest option.
If you bang your head against the wall with enough force maybe, just maybe it’ll help—
Someone's texting you.
> gi: heeeeey > gi: just woke up lol > gi: had the best sleep ever tho > gi: how are you, love?
Okay. So normal texting it is. Maybe your initial plan of just pretending nothing happened is, coincidentally, Mingi’s plan as well.
So you type in it's literally almost one, ya lazy and let your thumb hover over the send button, eyebrows creased at a sudden realization.
The casual texting annoys you.
Sure, Mingi is used to keeping everything casual between him and the people he sleeps with, but you're not just anyone! You didn't sleep together, either!
Oh, maybe that's why.
But it ticks you off either way.
Is he not feeling the same way you do? Did it mean something different for him than it did to you? What did it even mean to you in the first place?
Why, after all the panic you felt the night before, did you have any sort of expectation for today?
It doesn't make any sense.
You hit send.
> gi: aaaaand? > gi: god forbid a man gets a good night's rest after being thrown off a bed.
Scoffing, your eyes roll before you can even control it and, to your demise, the giddiness returns. You respond with did you get hurt? awww and raise a hand to your blushed cheek before sending the message.
> gi: yeah wtf > gi: my butt is all bruised. > gi: kiss it better?
Oh.
Not casual texting. At. All.
Or maybe it is?
Ugh.
Blanking on everything Mingi has ever texted you before, you decide it's best to entertain yourself by getting all pretty to sit around the house party tonight and do nothing else instead of torturing your confused brain any longer.
Using the help of an emoji to flip him off and, hopefully, gather yourself together enough to get ready, you shoot him another text rushing him to do the same because you don't want to be late.
And he usually takes forever to get ready anyways.
Showering with very cold water, taking a good thirty minutes to decide whether to wear something comfy and fitting or sexy and fitting for the party do the job when it comes to taking your mind off him for, at least, the time being.
Yunho was insistent the day before in that you didn't need to bring a bathing suit if you didn't want to, but you pack one anyways because you can sense Wooyoung's and Jongho’s intentions even if the youngest couldn't make it to your impromptu gathering yesterday.
They know you hate when they get away with annoying you and throwing you into the nearest body of water -in this case, Yunho’s pool- in front of many people you don't know (therefore, you are not going to able to go insane mode on them) seems like the perfect opportunity to get away with it.
The last time they did it you weren't really able to scold them properly either, so they laughed and pointed at you until you threatened to kick their asses in a very dishonest but playful way.
Mingi, of course, did nothing but laugh along with everyone else and then kiss your forehead as an apology later that day.
That was last summer and since then both perpetrators have treated you to meals and buttered you up enough for you to forgive (as if you didn't do that the morning that followed the incident) but you never forget.
Maybe you should. It would make the sight of Mingi parking outside your house easier, you think.
You're sure he's parking outside just to give your dad, who comes out to greet him with a hug, some peace of mind. He's very protective of you and he trusts Mingi even if he gives him a hard time everytime he sleeps over or takes you somewhere.
Like now, you have a very clear view through your window of the sermon he's giving your best friend. You don't hear it but he's moving his hands in the air way too much for it not to be a clear step by step on what to do if you run into any trouble on the way to Yunho's.
Mingi likes step by step and he's good at following instructions, so you don't think it's going to be an issue.
God damnit, Y/N, get it together.
Sighing, you pick up your bag, check your outfit once in front of the mirror, and rush downstairs and out of the door.
“You do know how to change a tire, son?”
Mingi is standing in front of your dad with his hands behind his back and a tight smile.
“Yes sir, my dad taught me and then at the school they made sure I didn't forget about it.”
“And make sure to—”
“Could you let the guy breathe, dad?”
They both turn to, your dad wears a mocking smile and you see Mingi’s tight one breaks into a genuine one a second later. A grateful one, even.
He looks really good. Which is insane, considering that to you he looked like Chewbacca just yesterday morning.
Crazy what a good orgasm can do to a person. Or maybe it's the first time you ever let yourself see him in this light. Either way, he's wearing light wash jeans and a fitted t-shirt that clings to him just right and it's going to drive you insane, you can just feel it.
“I was just making sure that he—”
“Knows what to do,” you nod “He knows what he's doing, dad. Stop giving him a hard time,” you give your dad a quick kiss on the cheek and then rush to the passenger seat, giving Mingi a glance so he can get in the car as well.
“Alright. Love you, take care!”
“Love you too, Mr. L/N!” Mingi says, getting into his seat and giving your dad the opportunity to see when he fastens his seatbelt. He doesn't say anything else, even though he didn't tell Mingi specifically that he loved him and instead gives you both a nod of approval.
When Mingi finally drives off your street and into the main one, you sigh in relief.
“He's neeever going to trust me, huh?”
“He trusts you,” you say right away, cheek resting against the seat so you can take a proper look at him “I'm his only daughter and you're a man after all. Cut him some slack.”
“He never cuts me some slack!” he fights back but you just laugh and he can't help but join you “You look really good, by the way. A dress? Are you trying to impress someone?” The tone he uses sparks the remaining tension from the night before, like zero time has passed since he kissed you goodnight by your front door.
When you got into the car with Mingi, you didn't consider that you two would be alone for, at least, forty minutes before getting to your destination. Your mind skipped the fact that he has this new ability to fluster you by just existing near you and you curse it for not letting you prepare well enough for the way he's looking at you right now.
“Obviously,” you answer in a whisper, clearing your throat a second later “Wooyoung needs to be distracted so he doesn't tackle me into the pool the second we get there. Don't know if it's gonna work on Jongho, though.”
Mingi clicks his tongue, baring his teeth and pretending to really think about it “I don't think so, love. You'll have to bribe him into considering dropping their whole summer schtick for you.”
“You can help me with that.”
“Can I now?”
“Yeah. You can just… lock him up in a room and my dress can do the rest of the work.”
Your best friend laughs and then takes a hand off the steering wheel to roll the hem of your dress in between his thumb and index. His knuckles brush against your thigh and you almost -almost- make a noise at the sensation.
“It's not the dress, love… It's who's wearing it.”
A bit of silence passes within the both of you.
“Shut the fuck up, Song Mingi.”
Laughter fills the car and drowns out the honking on the other side of the street and you wonder why you were worried in the first place.
Nothing has changed.
Aside from the intention laced with the flirting, it feels the same way it ever did and you couldn't be more glad because now that you know Mingi doesn't hate you (like you thought for a brief moment last night) or wants to hard launch a relationship that doesn't exist to your friends the second he gets them all together in the same room, you can enjoy the car ride and the evening that's about to follow it.
So you flirt with him freely, listen and sing along to songs that just feel like summer summarized in three minutes of exquisite writing and roll your window down once Mingi takes a turn into an hill, trees replacing the buildings you're so used to seeing.
Your friend is rich rich. His family makes good money and his parents go on lots of business trips. That being said, it's the first time you actually attend one of his parties, and so when you get to Yunho’s house and ring the doorbell, you’re caught by surprise because you can already hear the loud music playing in the backyard and the blend of new and familiar voices through the thick door.
You expect him to open the door for you but Seonghwa’s smile is the first thing you see before you and Mingi both have the opportunity to step in.
“You made it!”
“It's pretty hard to miss this house, Hwa.”
Your older friend side-hugs you and stays by your side while Mingi takes it upon himself to put your bags for the day in the pile of other bags next to the door “How are you doing today?”
You're about to answer but when you look at him, you see him staring at Mingi, so you do too. He's staring at Hwa with a little smile “I'm doing good. I blocked her and everything and I can confidently say that…” he turns to you “My ego’s not bruised anymore.”
If Seonghwa caughts the spark between you and you best friend, he decides to ignore it “That's goo—”
“Mingi!”
What the hell is she doing here?
Not, not that bitch from yesterday but this girl who Mingi meets with sometimes. You don't really know her, you just know she's gorgeous and that her name starts with an h, maybe?
She's a fashion major and it shows in the way she's dressed up today. Truly, an enjoyable company whenever she's around at frat parties, a saving grace when you're tired of surrounding yourself with only men.
Right now? She's your worst nightmare.
Wrapping her arms around Mingi’s neck and getting on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek, she smiles like she knows she's getting laid tonight and your best friend does nothing to pull her away.
She doesn't even say hi to you before dragging him to the backyard! You and Seonghwa follow them and when she takes Mingi’s arm and pulls him over to -you assume- introduce him to her friends, you almost stomp your feet like a little kid.
Trying to get rid of the annoyed frown on your face, you turn to Hwa with a teasing smile and your eyebrows raised.
“Well fuck me, am I right?”
“I might!” Arms wrap around your waist and you feel Woo’s chin resting on you shoulder immediately after “That's a very nice dress, Y/N.”
If Mingi was next to you, like you want him to be, you would give him a I told you so glance. Instead, you just look at Seonghwa with absolute horror before he snickers and goes away.
“Right? And it looks horrible when it's drenched in nasty chlorine water.”
“You can't possibly know that.”
“I know a lot of things and— No! Woo, please don't,” you beg when he lifts you off the ground for a second. Behind you, you hear laughs and, even though you can't see them, you know it's San and Jongho “I just got here and I haven't even changed yet, please.”
He turns you around and hugs you properly this time before letting you go. You take the opportunity to punch him in the arm and then go over to San and Jongho to do the same.
“We'll let you get your swimsuit on this time.”
“You're so considerate, Jong. Seriously, they're going to give you the Nobel prize if you don't stop.” He mocks you, repeating what you just said in a higher pitched voice and you laugh as you sit next to Wooyoung’s ex-girlfriend, Gyuri.
San also has a girl sitting beside him with his arm around her, but you don't really know her so you just wave at her. They're all in their bathing suits already “See how he tried to flirt with me to try to get me with my guard down? He's a monster.”
“And in front of me, too? The nerve on this guy.” Gyuri, of course, backs you up immediately and you want to return her smile, but you can see Mingi from the corner of your eye and it's distracting.
“Oh, they're ganging up on me already,” Wooyoung whines, sitting down in front of you both and handing you a drink “It's like my worst nightmare.”
“He's enjoying it, don't let him convince you otherwise,” San says, getting up from his seat and taking his girl with him “Especially coming from you.” He points at Gyuri and you laugh.
“We're just friends now!”
“That's what you told me like three years ago before—”
Wooyoung gets up to chase after him and San lets go of the girl's hand to try to get away from him.
Turns out, you're not the one Woo tackles into the pool. This time, him and San crash down on the water hard and a few droplets of water wet your feet. Gyuri laughs and everyone else does too when they realize what's happening.
Jongho gets up and joins them in the water soon after to try and help (kinda, not really) San escape the wrath of his best friend.
You almost miss it, because you take the opportunity to look at your best friend and, when you do, he's already looking at you.
Breath catches on your throat and the lump that forms afterwards has a name and a reason: Mingi is looking at you with so much longing it physically hurts.
He looks like wants to drop everything and come and confuse your fragile mind even more, just like he did the night before.
Then why the fuck is he there with whatever her name is and her friends and not sitting right next to you?
You look away, grasping your drink for emotional support and convincing yourself you're starting to see things that are not actually there.
“Why the fuck are y'all fighting this time?!” Yunho comes from inside the house and it's the first time you see him today “No choking! No running! It's literally in the rules!”
“Wooyoung please let go of my boyfriend!”
Ah. So she is San’s girlfriend. Still, you turn to Gyuri to ask.
“Who is sh—”
“San’s new girlfriend, Kyungmi. We don't give a fuck about her or San right now, we're mad at them,” you want to ask who we is, because Wooyoung seems like he's just playing, but she interrupts you again “What the fuck is going on with you and Mingi?”
Huh?!
You make a quick mental review of your plan. Conceal? Clearly it didn't work. Bury your emotions deep so no one notices? You probably can't recover from the way you smile just dropped.
The only thing left on the list is pretend that you're insane, but you're not sure it'll work either. So you turn it on her: “Nothing much. He played Espresso like three times on a row on the way here and I almost kill him, but—”
“You can't bullshit me, Y/N.”
Great, that didn't work either.
“I saw that. Seonghwa did too but he got up before I could convince him to ambush you,” she dramatically sighs, chugging the rest of her drink down “So, what is going on?”
“Nothing,” that much is true “he's literally with a girl right now.”
“And she will never mean as much to him as you do. Next.”
“Gyuri… I really don't know what you want me to say.”
Squinting her eyes at you suspiciously, Gyuri takes her time before answering and you fidget in your seat a little. Wooyoung liked her for a reason, she's feisty and goes straight to the point and it's something you usually admire but right now it's not the time for her to do this.
“I just thought maybe it finally happened…” She whispers and shrugs the entire conversation off before getting up “Let's head inside. They're going to start grilling meat at any second and I also don't want to be near Wooyoung when he gets out of there.” She points at him and you laugh.
Jongho has him in a chokehold and Yunho is trying to separate them while San desperately swims towards his girl that's still waiting for him near the edge of the pool.
“Sure thing.”
You pretend you don't feel Mingi's eyes on you as you move.
This is not unusual. Whenever you all go to parties, hosted by someone inside of the friend group or not, you end up separating from Mingi.
He does his thing. He's outgoing and he likes dancing while you enjoy conversation and drinking away at the rest of the party, occasionally making out with someone and calling it a night when your social battery runs out.
So you hang out with Gyuri in the kitchen until the sun starts going down and when the last ray of it disappears you decide it's time to swim a bit before you're too tipsy for it to be safe.
Grabbing your bag and greeting some new people you don't know at the door, you head up to the bathroom you are told by the host himself it's upstairs.
When your tying up the strands of your swimsuit, the door slams open and you jump and cover yourself up with your hands because you're not able to finish the job, so the strands fall down and the only thing holding the top part of the fabric it's you.
“What the fuck, Mingi?”
Turning around, you're only able to look at him through the mirror.
“Lock the door next time! What if it was somebody else?”
“People usually knock!”
“I didn't mean to scare you, it's the door’s fault,” he makes a fool of himself trying to prove it “See? I— let me help you with that,” he closes the door again and, this time, he locks it before taking a short step and grabbing the strands of your top “It's the second time this week I scare you like that, huh? I’m sorry, love.” He ties the strands together with a secure knot and his apology finally allows your tense muscles to relax.
You remind yourself that there's no valid reason for you to be mad at him. You'll figure it out, he said it himself, and maybe today is not the day to do so.
But he's not stepping away once he's finished, he's not even saying anything else before his hands grab your waist and his chest collides to your back.
Looking at him through the mirror again, you silently ask him with your eyes what he thinks he's doing. He ignores you, bending down so the tip of his nose can trace the skin on the side of your neck.
“I missed you,” his voice sounds like honey when he says it and you, once again, curse the ability he has to make you crumble “and you disappeared like an hour ago.”
You let out a sigh.
“I was in the kitchen, Mingi, not missing and we were in the same space for at least twenty minutes before that and like… forty minutes in a car, together.” You remind him and he frowns “Besides, you were with Ha… Haneul?”
“Hanni,” he corrects and you huff out a whatever “and she was introducing me to some of her friends that are in the same major as me, just a year over.”
“Cool.”
He pecks your shoulder. You do your best to not melt completely into him and fix your hair in the mirror.
“Y/N…” he starts and you hum in acknowledgement “I missed you.”
It pisses you off for some reason. The mature thing to do is to let him know but the words that leave you are petty and laced with annoyance.
“I’m sure you did, buddy.”
He grins against your skin and you turn around to face him, eyebrow raising.
“What's so amusing?”
At your tone, he seems taken aback but his smile stays curving his lips upwards.
“I'm just really happy to have this moment with you,” he says, matter of factly, and you press your hands against his chest to regain some personal space. He doesn't budge an inch “What's going on?”
He's such a guy sometimes.
“You're here, kissing my neck, while a gorgeous girl who I'm sure is waiting for you downstairs is probably bragging to her friends about how she's going home with you tonight and—”
“Y/N, I'm literally taking you home.”
“I can easily take a car back— Mingi, seriously,” taking a deep breath, you stare at him with all the honesty you can gather “I don't want to do whatever this is if afterwards you're going downstairs to dance and flirt with Haneul or whatever her name is.”
He looks like he wants to correct you on it again, so you level him with a daring glance.
He keeps his mouth shut.
“And I also don't want you to hurt her feelings if you tell her you can't leave with her tonight, so—”
“I don't give a shit about her feelings, love.”
“Mingi, don't say that!”
“I don't! I wasn't flirting with her at all, either! Listen, it's…” he stops to chuckle for a few seconds “I mean, it's adorable that you're jealous but there's no reason for you to—”
“Shut the fuck up, Song Mingi.”
It's the second time today you have said those exact words to him. The first time, you also felt your heart bang with such force against your rib cage but for a completely different reason.
“I'm not one of the girls you fuck on the side when you're horny or bored out of your mind. Don't fucking treat me like one.” You warn and suddenly the image of you telling him that teaching him yesterday could mess you both up crosses your mind.
“I'm not, Y/N! I'm just saying that you look adorable when you're—”
“Jealous? Why would I be jealous when we are not together, Mingi? I'm literally looking out for the girl!”
“You don't even know her name, love.”
“That's not the fucking point!”
He finally takes a step away from you, closing his eyes and taking a calming breath, surely.
Now you're pissed off because he saw right through you and your words.
That disgusting weight on your chest you felt back by the pool while you kept staring at him from the corner of your eye? Jealousy.
Now that he brought it up, it makes sense.
You hate it.
You always hated being put in a position where you felt the need to compare yourself to others. Always hated how easy it is for anger to run through your blood and infiltrate every waking thought until it clouds your judgment.
Because you shouldn't be angry. He just said he didn't care about her feelings.
And yet, all you can think about is that he spent an hour with her instead of you.
When he turns to you, there's a storm in his eyes and you just don't want to hear it tonight.
“Save it, keep it, sleep on it and we'll talk tomorrow,” picking your dress from the spot on the floor it's been sitting all this time, you put the fabric on, take your bag and then unlock the door “I’m going home.”
You don't give him the opportunity to say anything else before getting out of the bathroom but you do hear a groan when you're rushing downstairs.
Yeosang and Yunho are just leaving the kitchen when you trip on the last step and the host jogs the few steps to you after laughing.
“There you are, Y/N. Listen, there's some meat already grilled back there but we're—”
“I'm actually going home, Yun,” you cut him short “I'm not feeling that well. My plan was to swim a little before leaving but I don't think I can do it.”
“Did something happen or…?”
What happened is coming downstairs as he asks.
“Nope. Nothing, I just think I'm catching a cold or something. Thank you so much for inviting me though!” You hug your friend quickly, kissing his cheek before pulling away.
“Always…” Yunho is very observant but, as you always do, he doesn't press you with questions about what's going on “He's taking you home?” Pointing behind you, you don't have to turn around to get what he means.
“Ye—”
“No. He's having a great time here, I don't want to get in the way,” you shrug “I'll just get an uber or something. Don't worry.”
Yunho frowns slightly, eyes moving from your face to over your shoulder.
Immature. Petty. Rude.
You're sure that's the way you’re coming off right now. But feeling anger bubbling behind the smile you give Yunho, you think it's better they make their assumptions instead of actually seeing you upset.
You move to hug Yeosang as well and he murmurs his farewell. When you turn around, Mingi is no longer there and you don’t spare a look towards the floor to ceiling glass windows that separate the living area from the backyard because you're sure he's sitting right beside that girl again.
As he should be.
You bolt for the door, giving your friends a tiny smile before going down the few steps and into the hill. It's already dark and you're sure no uber driver it's going up this hill for the tip you're able to offer them, so you figure your best shot is to go down and try to find a cab on the main street.
The light from your phone illuminates your scowl as you walk. Past the bushes and the trees and the lines of parallel parked cars where Mingi’s Lexus is.
You don't notice him there until he opens the backdoor to block your step.
“Get in the car, I'm taking you home.”
Closing the door he just opened to stop you, you shake your head.
“I told you I'm getting a ride and—”
“I don't give a fuck. Get in the car.” And then he's opening his door and closing it so fast it gives you no room for debating.
He's angry. Shit.
You can't even see him through the tinted window to assess how much damage you have done, so you look down the hill one more time and wonder if making the run for it is worth it.
When your phone lights up with a notification from Gyuri asking you if everything's okay and to make it home safe, you take it as a sign to round the car and get into the passenger side with an annoyed huff.
The engine comes to life. You're not looking at him but at the trees until the leaves start showing the building lights in-between them and soon you're on the main road.
You can't even ask him to turn the radio on. Stubborn, you refuse to let the anger inside of you dissipate in fear of shame taking over. It's better being angry than being ashamed, at least in this exact moment because you can practically feel Mingi's anger through the silent treatment.
But you need to say something. The silence is suffocating and the street is surprisingly empty so you can't distract yourself with anything.
“You shouldn't have bothered.”
“I am bothered. You bothered me.”
Clenching your jaw, you turn to him in disbelief “I told you to stay at the goddamn party so we can fix this tomorrow but I bothered you?”
“Did I stutter or something?”
“No, you're just not making any fucking sense!”
“Yeah, fuck this,” you see him look around, biting the inside of his cheek like he's holding his words in “We're fixing this right now.”
The car makes a harsh turn and you have to grab the door for support.
“Mingi!” He's not listening to you anymore. His hard gaze stays on the road, it feels like forever before he pulls into a somewhat empty parking lot and when the vehicle stops you go to open the door and get the fuck away from him before you two kill eachother inside this car.
That's an exaggeration but with the way he turns off the car and unbuckles his seatbelt, you know your pride doesn't stand a chance.
The summer breeze briefly hits your face before his hand is on yours, closing the door and preventing you from, once again, escaping the situation.
Frustrated, you let out a loud groan “What the fuck is your problem?!”
“I don't know, Y/N! But I'll tell you what your problem is, alright?” he chuckles. It's a humorless sound, his face painted in something you've never seen before “Your problem is that you assume you know what everyone else is feeling and you assume you're right. But intuition can only get you so far, love, so I need you to take your head out of your ass and think logically for a second.”
Flabbergasted, you think you murmur something in your defense but he cuts you short.
“No! You didn't let me get a word out back there so now you're going to shut up and listen,” he pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes “You assume you're smarter than everyone else but you're actually so dumb. Dumb, you're acting very dumb and reckless, Y/N! That back there?” he points out of the window to nothing but you know what he means “Leaving— Scratch that. Leaving me and not giving me a chance to say anything back? Trying to go down that hill alone and in the dark? Stupid.”
Staring back at him with watery eyes, you don't even know what to say back except a whispered excuse me?
“And usually I would beat up anyone who even dares to call you that but I guess all these years I've been wrong about you. Because if you were smart, you would've realized that Hanni means nothing to me and I mean nothing to her. There's nothing, she loves appearances and that's it.”
You knew that already, but you're not giving your stance up.
What even is your stance? Ah, right, he treated you like an envious no one back there and not like his best friend.
“Yeah, I can tell you mean nothing to her from the whiny tone and the hug and the dragging you to meet her friends, Mingi.” Scoffing at the memory, your lips press into a thin line.
“Well, she's a friendly girl!”
“She didn't even say hi to me!”
“So she doesn't like you, Y/N! Who cares!” you sure don't but, again, you just stare at him in disbelief and his open arms, palms to the sky “Do you care? Because I don't! And guess what? I doesn't fucking matter if she likes you or not or if she wants me or not because I like you!”
What?
“W-what?”
“I like you! And I'll choose you over her and everyone else again and again and again until you notice but fuck it's so tiring. You're so fixated on why I let her drag me to her friends that you completely ignored me the rest of the time we were there and maybe if you looked at me more than once you would've realized that I was staring back at you the whole afternoon!”
You let out an annoyed chuckle “So you were, Mingi.”
“I was! I was trying to get you to look at me and notice how bad I wanted you to come over, rescue me from that boring ass conversation, grab my hand and claim your place right beside me because—” he pauses, resting a hand on the steering wheel and looking at you like he can't believe he has to spell this out for you “Because I want nothing more than for her and everyone to know I’m yours! I'm sure everyone already fucking knows too, except you. So yeah, sometimes, you're pretty fucking dumb for such a smart woman, Y/N.”
Words escape you. They escape your mind, your reason and your pride shrinks until it disappears behind all the love you feel for Mingi.
So that's what you are feeling. That's what you felt yesterday night when the tiredness couldn't drown out your thoughts of him and all he meant to you.
Love, love, love. In all its forms, in all its possible scenarios. Your heart burns for it and you used to think that your hopeless romantic desires began and died with the movies you tend to see and the books you tend to read, that it was impossible to feel this way for anyone but there he is, chest heaving in the yellow interior light, waiting for you to say something back.
“And I realize that before yesterday I showed no interest in you but believe me when I say that I—”
Shakily, you interrupt him with whispered words, heart soaring and hands reaching out to cup his beautiful face “Shut the fuck up, Song Mingi.”
When you kiss him, you make sure to pour out everything you couldn't say a minute ago into it.
When he kisses you back with the same feeling, it crosses your mind that he already forgave you.
And when he grabs your waist and drags you over the break handle and the transmission to collide his chest against yours and drag his tongue along the seam of your bottom lip, you think that, for the first time ever, you have to tell him he's right.
You are stupid. Stupid for not realizing it sooner, stupid for confusing his longing stares for something platonic, stupid for thinking you could wait until tomorrow to tell him he has the right to see and be with anyone he wants to because this is it.
This. The way your entire body comes alive when he sighs into your mouth and groans at the way your knee opens up his legs to make room for you on his side of the car and partially on his lap. The way his thumbs run through your cheeks and dry the tears you didn't even feel falling down. The way your heart jumps frantically and the way its beats could get confused by his because you're so close.
Suddenly and unexpectedly, you can't recall a time Mingi didn't make you feel this exact same way. It's overwhelming, it expands through you like a fire and it knocks the remaining air out of your lungs enough for you to pull away and rest your forehead against his, shaky breaths tangling together and fingers grasping the neck of his shirt in an attempt to ground yourself.
You sniffle, incapable of not feeling emotional over his confession and your realization “I'm sorry, Mingi. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for treating you that way I was… I behaved like…”
“An ass.” He nods and you look at him with the ghost of a smile tugging at your lips.
“Yeah,” you nod as well “I was an ass. A jealous ass.”
“I know, love.” He whispers, eyes moving on your face before his lips are on yours again, briefly, sweetly, even if you don't feel like you deserve it “You tend to forget that I know you, hm? That I've seen you jealous before? You were an ass back then, too.”
“Okay! Okay, stop calling me an ass, I get it.”
“I'm sorry for waiting for you to do something when you didn't even… I guess you didn't know, right? The way I feel about you?”
“I know now,” you whisper back, nudging your nose against his and then putting some distance so you can see him better “I feel the same way, by the way. We're shit at communicating, apparently, so I'll just tell you now that—”
His lips are on yours again and he's giggling against them and shaking his head when he pulls away. Brown eyes search for yours and you're not sure what he's looking in them but he seems to find it, his muscles relaxing against the leather of his seat seconds later.
So you kiss him again. And again and again until your back starts hurting and the steering wheel is pressed uncomfortably against it, forcing you to shift on his hold.
“Let me… Wait.” He lets you go to pull his seat back and then closes his legs, forcing your knee to fall on his other side so you can fully straddle his lap “That's better. Now come here.” And then he’s grabbing the back of your neck and stealing your breath away again with another kiss.
The tension shifts right then. When he can fully feel you pressing up against him and when a noise escapes you once his hands drop and give your bare legs the attention you didn't even know you were craving.
You thought a second ago that the sweet kisses would stop once you were both sated with the sweet aftermath of all the yelling and confessing but now you don't want it to stop.
There's a lot to catch up on, a lot of missed time you need to make up for.
You still want to make him feel good. The sparks from yesterday come alive again and soon you're yanking the strands of dark hair with your fingers and letting your mouth explore the skin of his neck. When you sink your teeth into his skin, he lets out the same noise he did the night before and you smile against the mark you just made.
His lips find your shoulder and he breathes hard into it once your hips start moving at their own accord, slowly yet firmly, the pad of his fingers digging hard on your thighs until you break away from his neck to focus on his face again.
“This goddamn dress, love.”
Humming, you caress his red cheek with your lips “What about it?”
“Been thinking about it all day…”
“It worked, by the way.”
“Woo?”
“Mhm. Distracted him so he didn't throw me in the pool right away.”
“And Jongho?”
“Probably plotting against me right now.”
He laughs softly into your skin “Probably.”
Chuckling as well, you stop your movements and take in how he looks. Gone, a little too fucked up from just making out, lips swollen and eyes clouded with something you're getting too familiar with, too quick.
“Worked on you, too.”
He smiles and shrugs, letting his head drop into the headrest “You look good in everything, love. It doesn't really matter what you wear.”
“Oh?”
A firm hand trails up your body, slowly, from you leg to your hip, your waist to the side of your breasts and your until it cops your face with affection you never imagined you would experience.
“I have always thought you are the most beautiful girl to ever exist.”
This is it.
Leaning into his touch, your lips connect to the palm of the hand holding you before you lean forward again.
“I love you, Mingi.”
He doesn't seem surprised by your confession and you're glad he knows. It doesn't really matter if its too soon, if you even mean it in a romantic way or not, the love you have for him transcends all labels.
“I love you too, Y/N.”
And his does too.
You kiss him until it hurts.
He kisses you until you're gasping and your body is pleading for more.
The both of you kiss each other until you're sure nothing else will replace the taste of one another, that it will linger forever even if your paths stop crossing at any point in time.
It feels like you're trapped somewhere where the clock doesn't tick at all, where you can take your time exploring him with your mouth and your hands.
And then it doesn't.
The fabric of the dress starts bothering you, his tight shirt is suddenly not tight enough and the hardness steadily growing and pressing into your core is screaming for attention you can't give him with all these clothes on the way.
He feels it too, fingers tracing the hem of your dress for the second time today and then they're under it, pulling at the fabric up until it bunches on your waist.
You're still wearing the swimsuit he helped you put on earlier but it does little to conceal how affected you are. Looking down, you're not even ashamed of it when he follows your eyes and let his linger on the patch of wetness darkening the color of the bottoms.
Still, he moves his hands upwards again and soon you're struggling to get the dress off, considering you're almost bumping the roof of the car when you straighten your spine to do so.
“Wanna know what crossed my mind when I saw you in the bathroom?”
When it's finally off, he immediately goes for it: His index tracing your collarbone and slowly descending, his short nail dragging against your skin before the rest of his fingers join, right in between your breasts, where there's fabric holding together the top of the swimsuit.
He could easily tug on it if he wanted to. Instead, he ignores it and presses the heel of his hand against it, forcing you to lean back and almost bump into the steering wheel again.
Unable to speak and panting, you only nod as a reply to his question.
“How easy it would be to get on my knees and eat you out. I thought: What if I just…” Using his other hand to mess with the knots that keep the left bottom part of the swimsuit together, he demonstrates what he means without actually doing it, his eyes following the motions “Undo these, get on my knees and make her come all over my face?”
“Fuck, Mingi…”
“You would like that, wouldn't you?” He smirks without actually looking at you, the hand on your sternum traveling down against your skin before joining the other one, teasing the knots on the right.
“Y-yes.”
Maybe he can see it on your face, the sudden nervousness at the scene he painted before you, because he grabs one of your hands and brings them to his lips before drawing you close again “Please tell me your idiot ex-boyfriend ate you out when you were together.”
Blush darkening, you make a face that gives the answer away.
He groans “He's worse than I thought, fuck. Come here.” And without any warning, the back of his seat goes down until it touches the backseat with it.
Bracing yourself against his chest, because you went down with him as well, you huff out a surprised laugh “Go where?”
“Up here. Let me teach you something tonight.”
“Mingi…”
“First, you need to make sure your hands are clean—”
“Stop,” laughing, you interrupt his bad attempt at teasing you with the same words you used on him yesterday “There's no real support for me if we do this, where do I even—”
“Knees here,” he motions the backseat and you could actually do it, but you would have to sit on his face instead of hovering like you imagine it would be more comfortable for him “hands here” he points to the grab handle and the headrest of the passenger seat and then straightens his spine a little, bringing his face closer to you so he can whisper right into your worn out lips “Turn the light off, I'll do the rest.”
He looks like he's going to kiss you but then he falls back onto the seat with an excited smile curving his lips.
What a tease.
So of course you turn off the light and prop yourself up into the position he wants to. It's challenging, the car is not that small but it feels like it is and you very much would rather do this on a bed, spare his back and yours in the process, but excitement also runs through your body and your brain stops making up excuses for why should deny yourself of the pleasure of Mingi using his mouth to make you see stars the second his fingers undo the knots and peel the bottom half of your swimsuit off your body with ease.
Lips trailing up your inner thighs and hands on each side of them, holding you in a secure position, Mingi doesn't tease you much before attaching his mouth to your heat and your subconsciousness flies out the window when his tongue flicks your clit.
You look down at him and the sight of him enjoying himself has you beaming, the warmth spreads through you and the zeroes on your pussy. You don't even try to quiet down your moans, completely forgetting that you're in a public parking lot that can fill up at any second.
But paying no mind to it either, Mingi also moans encouragingly into your wet folds when your hips move a little, chasing that high.
He shifts his focus to your entrance, his tongue working itself into you and when you move your hips again at the feeling, his nose bumps into your clit in a way that has you grasping the headrest for support, right hand slipping down and resting on the window while your mouth hangs open and your eyes shut close.
“Mingi… Baby, fuck, I'll—” he adds his thumb into his ministrations, pressing it against your clit the way he did yesterday and it only takes a few side to side movements for you to come undone on his mouth.
And again, the intensity of your orgasm takes you by surprise. It's obviously not as intense as yesterday's but it still got you trembling so you want to curse him out for being that good at what he does.
He eases you into it, slowing his mouth and you only register that it leaves you completely when your thighs are being kissed tenderly.
Breathless, you look down at him and catch his smile before his teeth are sinking into your skin and forcing you to hiss out a laugh “Good?”
“Yeah,” you smile, climbing down from your position and hovering over his lap in an attempt to not ruin his jeans. It's very obvious he enjoyed it too, his crotch holding the evidence tight and probably painfully against the fabric there “Really, really good.”
You want to get on your knees and return the favor, make him squirm in pleasure, but the space is not working in your favor. So even though your thighs are hurting and sweat is dripping down your neck, you start working on the button and zipper of his jeans before he sits up.
He wants to say something, but your tongue is touching his and tasting yourself on it before he gets the chance. Clumsily, a little too far gone for your liking as well, you are able to get through the layers of clothes and let your hand hang over his dick “Are you gonna make me beg for it today?”
“You don't have to, love.”
“Beg?” you ask with a smile that he reciprocates “Or touch you?” your free hand brushes the hair out of his face, sliding down until you're propping his chin up with it, thumb tracing his bottom lip softly “Because I want to touch you. I want to make you feel so, so good, baby. Please.”
He kisses the pad of your thumb and then takes it into his mouth, tongue caressing the tip of it until you're panting again and then nods.
That's all the permission you need before taking him with your hand and pulling him out of his boxers. Taking your hand out briefly, you gather up saliva and spit right into it.
Mingi lets out a noise at that. Interesting.
Starting slow, you focus on his expression. Testing the waters, taking note of what he likes because, unlike him, you probably pushed to the corner of your mind every sexual conversation you two had before yesterday. You take a second to look down at it, the size is no surprise but your mouth waters at the image of you taking him into the heat of it.
Maybe another time. For now, you focus on making him feel good with the little you can offer him in the enclosed space of his car.
He mouths at your neck, choked up sobs vibrate through the skin on your collarbone and your top gets moved to the side so he can mark the side of your boobs as he pleases. It sets the fire inside of you alive again, your folds getting wetter when he rolls his tongue around your nipple and then throws his head back when you twist your hand in a motion he seems to really enjoy.
“Just like that, love.”
To your delight, he's not quiet. He's loud, he's grabby, taking the opportunity to hold onto your ass and press down on the skin when you tease his slit and gather his precum on your fingers so you can spread it around his cock and your hand can slide easier.
Movements get sloppy once he's close, he's no longer paying attention to you and you welcome it as a great sign, his hips bucking into your hand and he moves you forward until you're sitting on his lap again.
The only thing preventing your pussy and his dick to touch being your hand.
You glance at him and he looks back, probably the same idea popping up into his mind so you nod once.
The car moves as you two move around, to the back seat, the spine of his seat up and the entire thing moving forward to make space for him next to you, over you, on top of you once he kicks his jeans and boxers off to the floor.
You reach out to him in a silent plea and he bends down to kiss you soft and moist and hot and breathy, sensually, with sweet sounds escaping both of you when you reach under his shirt and lift it up until he gets what you want. Discarding it with the rest of his clothes, your top follows it and the contentment you feel when his naked chest touches yours is unmeasurable.
There's no real room to move around and there's not really any patience left within both of you, so when he apologizes when he moves his hips where he shouldn't and his tip brushes your entrance, you pull back from his bruising mouth.
“Condom. Now.”
He obliges right away, searching on his jeans for a minute or so and when he comes back he's smirking like he can't believe you “When I told you we needed to raincheck I didn't mean it to be like this. Bossy.”
Even if you're punching him on his chest and giggling at his breathy words, you take the teasing with pride “You started it, Mingi!”
Putting the condom on skilled and fast, he's soon resting his forehead against yours and kissing you softly again “I wanted you on my bed…” his lips trail down and the giggles die on your throat as he's kissing it, a moan escaping you “On your back or knees or riding me…” he continues in a whisper going down and down and down, giving your nipples attention before going back up and taking your mouth in his again “Making a mess on my cock…”
He takes the opportunity to enter you slowly and you gasp at the stretch, wet enough so it doesn't hurt you but you're unfamiliar with him, with his size splitting you open deliciously.
“F-fuck, Y/N.” Mingi leans back to watch you take him in and you whine again. Tilting your head back, you let him work himself in and you moan loudly when he almost bottoms out “Look at you…”
You don't. You can't. He's pressing his thumb on your clit again to ease you through the stretch and it makes the heat pool in your belly like you didn't come in his mouth a few minutes ago.
Slowly but surely it gets easier for him to rock his hips into you, mouth parting in pleasure when you remind yourself to look at him. His abdomen tenses when you run your nails against the skin there, softly, until you're detouring them into his back and sinking them in just enough to have him whining at the feeling.
“Baby… Harder.”
“Yeah?”
Hips bucking up to meet his at a particularly hard trust, you reach up to him so he can rest his body weight on yours. Close like this, with the pace picking up, the knot on your lower half tightens and threatens to break.
“You take me so well, love. Fuck, always knew you would,” you know he can feel your walls tightening around him at the praise, because he smiles and kisses you once before continuing “My pretty, pretty girl… Taking my cock so well…” he punctuates his words with the roll of his hips and you cry out, holding his face in between your hands, his eyes never leaving yours.
In this position, his lower abdomen bumps into your clit and it's soon tipping you over the edge.
“So good, so good, oh— Oh, God.” You're mumbling incoherently while Mingi keeps whispering sweet nothings and then the tension on your belly breaks. It takes three seconds of your walls pulsating around him for him to groan loudly into your mouth and come undone as well.
The only thing you can hear is breathing, all you can feel is breathing. His against your chin, yours blowing on his hair when you rest your cheek on his temple.
It takes a second to gather yourself again and when you do, you tilt your head back to give him a chaste kiss that he returns.
“That was so good, baby.” You tell him and he smiles, nodding in agreement “I am sticking to the fucking seat though.”
Mingi snorts and just like that the energy shifts back to the usual you. Only this time, you come back to it knowing that no one’s ever going to have you the way he does.
He slips out of you, doing his thing with the condom and you sit up, looking through the windows and becoming aware of your surroundings for the first time since you got there.
There's a car parked far away from you that's empty and the rest of the cars that were near it have left. You wonder how long this all took, because you lost track of time the second he told you he likes you.
Chest still heaving and boxers now on, Mingi rests his back on the door and takes your hand in his “Is it dumb of me to assume you're my girlfriend now, love?”
“Is it dumb that I assumed that's what I was when you said you like me?”
“No,” he answers right away “not dumb at all.”
Smiling, you nod “Then I'm your girlfriend, Mingi.”
He beams at that and then he's crowding you again “Say it again.”
“I'm your girlfriend.” you repeat, enunciating each word and giggling when he nuzzles his nose into the crimson on your cheek “I’m yours, baby.”
Resting his forehead against yours, he hums in contempt “Good, because I've always been yours too.”
“There's no way! You two... together? Guys… See, that would be me if I didn't saw it coming but I'm smarter and cooler than everyone here so I did.”
Wooyoung's over the top reaction has Mingi throwing his head back in a silent laugh and you staring at the black haired guy, unamused and a little offended.
It's two days later and, as usual, you're at Wooyoung's and San’s apartment hanging out.
After putting your clothes back on and going for some well deserved food, Mingi took you home, kissed you goodnight and showed up the next day after class to break the news to your parents.
Your mom almost cried. Your dad too, but for a completely different reason.
In the end, they both agreed they saw it coming and when you told Mingi’s parents, they said the same thing and invited yours to have celebratory dinner without you.
What happened in Mingi’s room after was worth missing dinner anyways.
Mingi and you decided to break the news when most of the group showed up for movie night and you were nervous to see their reactions.
But everyone seems unaffected by it.
“I knew you guys liked each other the second I met you. Ask Gyuri, she agrees with me.”
“Sadly, I do.” Wooyoung's ex looks at you from her spot by the door, where she's getting her shoes on.
She winks at you and you fake a gasp, falling into your boyfriend's lap with an annoyed huff.
“And no one told us?!”
“Sorry, Y/N. We didn't want to get in the way.” Hwa is apologetic and Yeosang nods alongside Hongjoong but you gape at them like they betrayed your trust.
“To be fair we didn't know till’ last week, love.”
“She didn't know.” Gyuri corrects him and now you turn to her to give her the betrayed look “You were pining over it for six months already.”
“I say it was more like nine but…” Hwa shrugs and sips his cup, giving the man holding you close a knowing smile.
Oh, they definitely talked about it, huh?
“Nine months and no one cared to fill me in, huh?”
“I’m sure Mingi did—”
“Wooyoung!”
“Well I didn't notice.” Yunho interferes with a shrug and gives you a recomforting smile that doesn't work at all.
San laughs “That's because you're a puppy that can't even tell when someone likes you.”
“Am not!”
Everyone, including you and Mingi, make a noise in agreement with San.
“You're one to talk, though, leave the puppy alone.” Gyuri tells her ex's best friend and Wooyoung laughs at him when his smile drops.
There's some story there you don't know.
“Guys… Does someone like me right now? Be honest.”
Yeosang is about to tell him something but Jongho interrupts.
“Enough with the love talk! Can we start the movie?” But he's pressing play already, so the answer doesn't really matter.
Gyuri laughs once and Wooyoung makes his way over to her to give her a hug that she enjoys for one second tops before pushing him away.
“Enjoy everyone! I'm so happy for you two, by the way, not that these neanderthals would tell you to your face but I'm sure they're too.”
“Thank you, Gyuri.” Mingi murmurs from behind you and you mouth a thank you as well before she leaves for the night.
Something about her best friend having a boy crisis.
You don't miss the way San’s eyes follow her until she leaves or the way he looks at Woo, something clearly worrying him.
His best friend ignores him, though, so you confirm that might just be a little pissed off at him after all.
“Tell her to text you what happens.” San asks Woo once she leaves and he rolls his eyes.
“Mhm. I’ll tell her to stop calling us neanderthals too.”
You smile “Well, she's right.”
“Nuh-uh!”
Jongho has to stop the movie and you see him sulk while everyone else is arguing. Some of them, like Hwa and Yeo, are siding with you and Gyuri. And the rest of them, like your boyfriend, are telling them off.
When you turn to face him, his argument dies mid-sentence because he stops to smile at you. He takes your face in his hand and kisses you for the first time ever in front of everyone else. The group stops the argument to tease you both and you laugh into his mouth.
A cushion is thrown at you and Jongho gets up to separate your faces before sitting beside you with a pout on his lips.
“Can we watch the goddamn movie?!”
You're the happiest you've ever been.
If you read all the way down here: THANK YOU SO MUCH. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
© jensthwa, 2024.
#ateez#ateez x reader#song mingi#song mingi x reader#mingi#mingi x reader#mingi smut#ateez smut#ateez imagines#ateez reactions#ateez hard hours#ateez hard thoughts#mingi hard thoughts#mingi hard hours#AAAAAAAAAAAA i don't think this is as good as the first part was but i hope you enjoy it ! let me know#askbox is open as usual <3 thanks!#fic; s&t
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