#i wouldnt have life without this
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JUST GUYS BEIN' DOODS
redraw of the meme under the cut
original by @knightmarebug
#knight rider#kr#michael knight#kitt#knight industries two thousand#bonnie barstow#mk2000#art#shitpost#doodles#having gasoline in a glass one foot away from a flame is a really good idea michael. your brain damage is showing#those bars were just so if i posted it to insta it wouldnt crop but then i thought it looked hilariously cinematic and left them for here#im very charmed by all kitt's alternate scanner patterns. i wish they were used a little more in the show but iirc the one car they rigged#to do that broke in like season 2 or 3 and they couldn't fix it. so they had to go without u _ u#but big emotions means big lights. to me. so he's happy about the date :) the whole bar lights up#he did that Once when he was scared for his life and i did not stop thinking about it. big feels is big lights#anyway i dont know what michael expected to happen; he's in the foundation's public garage. idiot dumbass#bonnie should get chessboard earrings she deserves them#''i hate drawing cars'' - keeps entering car fandoms. keeps drawing cars.
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soap's whole deal being sniper and demolitions gets me going bc on the surface they sound so different but when you get into it, you realise it's bc soap's smart
sniping is all math; calculating distances and wind interference and bullet drop. something i think people overlook is he was listed as a sniper first so it can be implied that he's better at it than demolitions. he does more sniping in both campaigns than demolitions work; in capture or kill, ghost specifically calls on him to take down the aq snipers
and demolitions is math with a hit of chemistry; knowing what mixes with what, knowing how much to use, recognising environmental factors and adjusting accordingly. it's not just about the boom; so much work goes into contained/ planned explosions. especially when having enough power for a breacher charge and not bringing down the whole building is the difference between mission success and failure
the chemical bombs he makes in alone can't just be any old cleaners, they have to have the correct reaction to each other; he just knew off the top of his head what would mix with what to create what reaction. he would also potentially have to recognise them by sight/smell bc they would’ve been written in spanish
soap would also have to know architecture; recognising structural integrity and weak points so he knows exactly where to plant a charge to bring it down and how it'll come down
he has an incredible soldier's mind people just forget that bc he's sociable which itself is a skill
we know he tends to buck against orders he doesn't agree with like when he pushes back against ghost in capture or kill and shepherd when he tells them to release hassan
he gets closer to people and sees if he can trust them and that's when he follows them without question. really think about how he talks to alejandro and rudy; he asks about their home and alejandro's family and rudy's relationship with him. those aren't questions you ask a stranger after a few hours of knowing them. that's not even touching on his relationship with ghost
he also deliberately brings people of higher ranks down to his level; talking informally with ghost and giving him a shoulder punch, addressing alejandro (a colonel!!) by his first name and rudy by his nickname despite literally just meeting them. he personalises all of them and it’s in direct opposition to the reason most characters do that; it’s not due to insubordination or lack of respect, the more he respects and trusts someone, the more casual he is with them
he digs into people; he wants to know what makes them tick and that determines if he can one, trust them and two, follow their orders. once he decides that, he's the ultimate soldier; he bleeds loyalty which makes him vicious when that loyalty is taken for granted
he isn't naive or bubbly or insecure; he's an incredibly smart and aware soldier. he's aggressive and bloodthirsty and loyal and intuitive and i love him so much
#i cant believe i never posted the soap meta that got me twitter famous™️💅#as with damn near every piece of characterisation in this franchise soaps is only apparent in subtext and connecting tiny little dots#it is very easy to just pick up his surface personality and think thats all he is#but soaps not a sunshine character#hes not super friendly or bright#hes just willing to talk to people and hes paired up with ghost who never wants to start a conversation#every time i see soap presented as this bubbly airhead thats super sweet and just blows stuff up i lose a year off my life#and i dont blame people for getting this vibe from him but im begging you to look a lil deeper#this isnt getting into his anger or the fact that he is a soldier which automatically makes him a wee bit fucked up#like he is hyperviolent and takes joy in it#we all know ghosts snuff film joke but soaps the one who responds positively to it#he returns the joke and only calls him out on it when he says he wont watch it more than once and even then its teasing not grossed out#and if we take the ‘he tried to join the military at 16’ factoid from 09 as current canon then he very easily could have a rough home life#no one tries to repeatedly join the military early without having some kind of problems#soap knows his worth and his abilities you dont get to be as good and specialised as he is without being completely sure of yourself#we know ghost has an ego but soap constantly butts up against it with his own affirmations#‘you wanna be better than me johnny’ ‘maybe i already am/i will be’ ‘a little helps not so bad eh lt’#being a sniper makes me hate the ‘cant sit still’ hc hes literally an sas sniper he wouldnt be complaining after a few hours of overwatch#i like the adhd hc and maybe he fidgets in his day to day life but the second hes at work hes At Work#tldr soap could be just as complex a character as ghost if cod would stop treating their campaigns as an afterthought and actually commit#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#talk meta to me#john soap mactavish#soap cod#cod mw2#soapghost#save post#call of duty modern warfare#cod meta
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having.. sonknux thoughts
i live off this image btw
#HAVE YOU GUYS SEEENNNN THAT ANNUAL#HAVE YOU READ IT OH MY GOD BRO#shoutout to sonic being canonically sun and moon coded#dude#thsi song is so them its inSANE#the annual basically highlights how knuckles wouldnt be anywhere without sonic (being the first) and the friends hes made#and also knuckles is tied down protecting the emerald and sonic is free#in sonic frontiers sonic encourages knuckles to go and live his life#knuckles LITERALLY SAYS HE ENVIES HIM#KNUCKLES THE MOON SHINES WITH THE LIGHT SONIC THE SUN GAVE HIM#man what if I DIE thinking about them#sonknux#sth#sonic the hedgehog#sonic x knuckles#knuckles the echidna#sonic idw#idw sonic#knuckles x sonic#sth fanart#sonic art#sonic fandom#sonic the hedghog fanart#sonic fanart#alsart#Spotify
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bedside bouquet.
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a sapphic comic about a village girl and the fae she fell in love with.
creative notes:
#i didnt really have to struggle that much with my sexuality since once i realised it was an option i jumped the comphet ship immediately#but i wouldnt have reached this conclusion without the help of the queer women in my life#so. shoutout to them. i adore you#and i know the queer community is rife with infighting a lot of the time#but we shouldn't forget the simple joys of being known and acknowledged and empowered by people like you#those are just my thoughts#also#this comic has girls kissing in it#shock!! horror!! etc!!#im returning to my brand which is queer comics about relationships that are dubiously healthy#a romance has to be the slightest bit obsessive for me to really get into it unfortunately <3#fae#sapphic#lgbt#lesbian#comics#stillindigo art#stillindigo comics#hearteaters
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<3 Happy birthday Petscop <3
#Petscop#petscop guardian#petscop belle#petscop marvin#petscop paul#carrie mark#paul leskowitz#petscop has changed my life in the best way possible#i have to thank this series so so much#without it i wouldnt have met so much wonderful people and made the bestest friends ever#i love this series so so much#<3 love you petscop
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y'all i gotta be honest for a sec, the "atla wouldnt change much if aang wasnt there, in fact it might be better" and "the atla finale wouldnt change much if aang wasnt there to fight ozai" debates is the funniest thing ive seen come out of this fandom
#'this show wouldnt change much if the main character wasnt there' hmm me thinks otherwise!#do people just. not realize that the gaangs arcs ESPECIALLY zukos and kataras would not have happened if aang was taken out of the picture?#ppl praise zukos redemption arc sm and rightfully so but aang is such a HUGE factor in zukos arc!#hell you could argue that it kickstarted because of aang#'if we knew each other back then do you think we could have been friends too?' the question that forever changed zukos life#without aang katara would still be stuck in the south pole with sokka and she wouldve never gotten the training she needed#toph wouldve never left if aang wasnt in the picture#hell you could argue the same with suki shed still be stuck on the island#tbh without aang theyd all be dead or at least in serious trouble by the end of the series#and the finale argument... cmon now#did people forget the scene of iroh explaining to zuko (AND THE AUDIENCE) that aang HAS to be the one to fight ozai#ONLY aang could defeat ozai#the strongest firebender in the series#without aang they all wouldve been cooked#by this point both zuko and sokka were seriously injured and katara and the rest were absolutely exhausted from fighting their own battles#ozai is only one guy yeah but again he is the strongest firebender in the whole series#even iroh was like 'nah theres no way in hell i could beat him'#ozai was in the air spinning around like a beyblade shooting fire from all parts of his body destroying everything in sight LMAOOO#delete later#probably
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It's still scaly since it's only a week old but I couldn't hold off posting it anymore - here's my Riku tattoo!!!!
Reference under the cut - it's that manga panel, of course :-)
I made an edit to remove the text boxes and the rain and sent it to my artist, and she made a few more changes like giving him a fully defined mouth!
#EVERYONE. GET YOUR FAV CHARACTER TATTOOED ON YOUR BODY. ITS GREAT#ALSO BONUS POINTS IF ITS SOMEWHAT SHIP RELATED. YEAH. YEAH.#kingdom hearts#riku kingdom hearts#soriku#I COUNT THIS AS SORIKU GIVEN WHAT RIKU IS DOING IN CONTEXT#kingdom hearts tattoo#kingdom hearts fanart#kingdom hearts manga#kh 358/2 days#kingdom hearts 358/2 days#358/2 days#kh#AAAA. i am. AAAAAAAAAA#the lines are straight my arm just isnt lol#i just thought the rain wouldnt read well without context of the scene ahaha. just felt it looked weird isolated.#i feel like no one will see this BUT I WILL SEE THIS EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE AND THATS WHAT MATTERS#my artist did such a good job im like blown away by how clean the lines are - everywhere that looks like its wobbly or#is going outside the lines is just my skin flaking. like it looks so good. Ill take another picture when its actually healed im sorry#i have never known patience
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i posted abt this on my tiktok story but i need to rant more so im putting it here 😭😭 the way a lot of mikosai shippers (on tiktok, pinterest, reddit, etc) are is such a big reminder to me of why i hate the strictly romantic soulmates trope with every fiber of my being 😭😭😭 people who interpret soulmates as "that means theyre canonically together" regardless of how the characters actually feel about each other and if they ACTUALLY get together is so fucking gross to me oh my god its so fucking gross i hate forced romance so bad 😭😭 someone cant just say "hey, we're soulmates so you HAVE to date me and its literally weird and impossible for you to like anyone else because i said so!!" and also aiura WOULDNT do that anyway ???? HELLOOO???
you have no idea how many people ive seen call all saiki ships with anyone other than aiura "problematic ships" just because "theyre soulmates"
#SOULMATES DOES NOT MAKE A COUPLE CANON <333#'she SAID theyre soulmates so that means hes HERS now and its gross for u to think he liked anyone else'#hey thats actually... really bad!! hey she actually cant and wouldnt force him to date her!!! hey what the fuck!!!#not a mikosai hate post#only weird forced romance likers hate post <3#if someone doesnt like someone then they dont like them... them being soulmates doesnt change that...#thats actually just not how it works and the idea that that WOULD be how it works is gross#and a lot of the fics ive read of them end up with aiura being all 'ha i told you so! i knew id break u eventually!'#'i knew id get to u if i just kept calling u my boyfriend without permission and saying we're soulmates!'#which like not only would she not do that... its also just really gross#like u really thought 'he doesnt like her so she wears him down and doesnt leave him alone until he relents' and like... u went with that?#oh...#weird...#idk maybe im crazy and also im having a hard time phrasing any of this#but it just brings up so many consent issues and it makes me really uncomfortable#like according to THOSE shippers it wouldnt be by his own will or feelings if he eventually fell in love with her#it would just be because the universe said so and he never had any choice#mikosai is so cute when u think of it in like the totally opposite way#in MY opinion i love mikosai AFTER aiura accepts that soulmates doesnt mean he HAS to date her#that HAS to happen before they date and THEN theyre really cute#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#meows post
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#p4#p4g#persona 4#persona 4 golden#hanamura yosuke#yosuke hanamura#haha the way yosuke just takes ownership of caring for his friends#i actually never recovered from this scene you know. no one else volunteered this because teddie was such an unknown#and we could say everyone else has their reasons for not doing so but.#in a way so does yosuke. hes got to go to bis parents as well and tell them to look after this new kid#and he pulls so much of his weight in caring for teddie as well. he teaches him how to get around#he teaches teddie how to live in the human world. he teaches teddie how to work#i feel like the last point is so complex because. it helps yosuke alleviate the boredom of working at Junes as well by having a friend there#but inadvertently or otherwise. hes also preparing teddie for a life when yosuke wouldnt be there anymore#(because hes moved out to go to college or whatever)#and i feel so strongly about their dynamic but also. also!! the way yosuke was the one that made this step#how he just takes responsibility for the people around him without need for praise. how he cares about them.#he's good with his queue
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guys I’ve got stalker!ushijima on my brain..
#HEAR ME OUT#just a little deranged but#i just imagine ushijima seeing you out in public somewhere for the first time and becoming OBSESSED#turns out you guys have some overlap in your life and your work lives cross over#he notices and uses it as an opportunity to see you more#without you knowing of course#he watches from afar#this turns into him following you on your errand runs#which follows to him watching you go home#for safety purposes of course#wouldnt want something bad happening to you#hes gotta protect you from the freaks on the street after all (cough cough)#ushijima wakatoshi#ushijima x reader#haikyuu!!#stalker!ushijima#⚡️cece’s rambles⚡️
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Hii! Do you have any recs of sebschumi fics or content on tumblr? Or like literally anything; pictures, interviews? I'm new to this duo and I'm lacking the content. :(
HI ANON !! SO SORRY FOR THE LATE REPLY I HOPE YOU'RE DOING WELL 💖
Thank you so so much for this question. I genuinely squealed and teared up when i saw this. Im happy theyre getting more acknowledgement and that you're willing to learn more about them !! For starters, they dont have much contents at all and most of them are quite difficult to find but i've gathered some of them that will help you to understand why this ship and their bond between one another beats every other seb's pairings 🙏 it's quite a long thread because i want to pull you down into this hole hehehehhehehehe
Tumblr contents
1. @/effervescentdragon post of hero worshipping and yearning
: this emotional heart wrenching web weaving about sebschumi is so incredible as it gives you an insight of how they both work and play out in each other's life from the first time seb saw michael at the karting club and the times when seb reminiscence about his past with michael. This was the last straw that made me realise that sebschumi deserves so so much if not more than sebmark ngl. Everything just hurts and they did it so well with the web weaving!!
2. @/schumi-honey post about germancedes and how michael always chooses seb at the end of the day
: now this one is REALLY REALLY INTERESTING FOR ME BECAUSE michael, being in a team that gave brawn their world champion, jean todt asking him to come back into said team with a potentially wdc teammate who is also half german half finnish but races under the german flag will still find and choose sebastian vettel at the end of the day. If that doesnt sound crazy to you then i'm sorry but you're missing out. The post is incredible as it shows how does michael act with a person, and with sebastian. He changes completely !! Thats true love man.
3. @/andromedasummer post about mary sue seb
: this one gives a view of how sebastian is totally the y/n in his life story and when that moment of truth comes to your realization, you just gotta go like DAMN this kid is lucky af because a wdc michael, the pride of german at that time chooses SEBASTIAN VETTEL to be his successor among all other kids, Michael that said "this 12 year old is making my life difficult! He's so fast," to Gerhard who will later on recruit him under redbull sponsorship. Crazy right? It's like Seb is the chosen one in Michael's life. The one that will continue his legacy (people have been calling and referring him as 'baby schumi') and the one that will eventually become one of his closest friend on and outside the grid. And we also got this from the post which has never left my mind after reading it and never failed to make me cry... they both are so superior and connected with each other... red string of fate type of dynamic is so strong here....
4. Kart Club Kerpen Sebschumi
: this just means a lot to me because michael and seb first met here and to see them karting with each other, laughing and getting so so comfortable around each other's presence shows how much they've grown while indirectly growing up with one another. SEBSCHUMI YOU'RE MY WORLDDDD
5. Pranksters Sebschumi
: It's just so so fun and refreshing to see their dynamics in this one. Michael and seb being menances, partners in crime everytime they're spotted together and how seb will do anything michael asked him to even if it means causing riot in other's life,,, LIKE???? I CANT BELIEVE THESE GAYS OMG but yeah, their dynamics are soooo good i love them so much 💖
6. Recent Seb interview about Michael
: this iirc was during that time where seb did a test with porsche and then we got this interview saying how seb just misses michael which he refers to as a friend.... my heart broke im telling you i cant handle it😞 michael also said that he was glad to found seb in his life and that in his world full of ego, seb is the only one that he feels genuine to be with which michael also labelled their relationship as something special. SHOOT ME ALREADY KILL ME IM IN TEARS RIGHT NOW DAWGGG
Fic recs
Onto the good part now☺ keep in mind that we barely have any fics about them so please if any of you guys have ideas for them, dont be afraid to share it to ao3 <3 because I WILL BE THE PERSON THAT WILL THOROUGHLY ENJOY IT THE MOST LIKE I'LL BE YOUR NO 1 FAN !!! And please dont forget to comment and leave kudos to them 🙏
1. Never have I ever by Tianvette
: theres this unspoken rule created by god tianvette regarding sebschumi and honestly, it really really shaped them both into so much more because like,, that headcanon? That fanon?? It's canon now because ONLY MICHAEL CAN CALL SEBASTIAN AS "BASTI" AND NO ONE ELSE GETS TO CALL HIM THAT 🙏 so thank you to this fic for making them more special than ever.
2. Im sorry by @/n-ico-ando
: OKAY OKAY OKAY THIS IS ACTUALLY THE FIC THAT MADE ME GOT INTO OLD F1 FANDOM, SEBASTIAN VETTEL AND SEBSCHUMI ITS JUST SO GOOD OKAY?!?!? JUST READ IT AND YOU'LL GET WHAT I MEAN I LOVE THIS FIC WITH MY WHOLE LIFE IT CHANGED ME TO A BETTER PERSON AURGGHGHSHAJSA VERY VERY NORMAL WITH THIS ONE,, I SWEAR.... MY BIBLE MY CAUSE OF EUPHORIA
3. I'm gonna take mind of you with me by @/likethegardensofbabylonn
: this fic is ongoing but GOSH GOSH GOSH OH GOD THE WAY I SCREAMED WHEN I FIRST READ IT. The settings took place with seb remembering his memories with michael before and after the accident so yeah, if you need a good heartbreaking and gut wrenching story about angsty sebschumi, this is the one because it's just so perfect with seb's thoughts his internal conflicts and how the author makes a great interpretations on seb's character. This fic feels so close to me because of how true and close the whole settings and narrations sound like with my thoughts so yes, it's something you should invest your time and think of everytime someone said sebschumi.
4. Use me Use me (cause i ain't no average groupie) by @/horn-knee-demons-anonymous
: I HAVE NO WORDS FOR THIS FIC EXCEPT THAT HOW BRILLIANT AND ALLURING THE STORY IS. I've always wanted a seb harem fic with sebschumi as the endgame considering of the drought ive been facing so when this fic came, it's as if god has heard my prayers because truly this fic alongside with the author herself, my guiding moonlight and the stars of my night, are just god given with how much they changed the trajectory of my life and im so glad i met her and able to read her works. The worldbuilding, the consistency in every single characters, the dynamics, their interactions and every single wordings here leaves you wanting for more and makes you feel like you're on the edge of your seat! It's like "am i allowed to be reading this for free!?!?" But really, this is a masterpiece so please give them all of your love and be there while it's still ongoing <3
5. Hurts by Molly_lovers1
: as a fan of dead dove with a huge favouritism of age gap and underage characters, i was super happy when i first read this fic mainly because of the struggle, the push and pull dynamics between sebschumi and their guilt ridden thoughts as well as their burning desire that makes this feels so so good yet vile to be reading. It's that kind of fic where i jerked off to every night while thinking about it lolll BUT IM SO SO SO NORMAL ABOUT IT.
6. How to treat a guest by yours truly
: shameless self promo but i was trying to spread my sebschumika agenda here☺💖 i hope you get the vision too hehe !!
Videos
The complete compilations of all known sebschumi sources can be found here though it doesnt cover much of the roc contents but still!! This one is a really really good guide for them both 🥰
Michael Schumacher and Sebastian Vettel Compilation
And ROC 2007 cuts of sebastian vettel because this was their first race together as a teammate, michael had just retired and he brought a newly fresh boy as his team to compete against all the other drivers. If that's not love and bias then i dont know what to say because oh god, this does so much to me as a person who worships sebschumi everyday.
Roc 2007 Sebastian Vettel Cuts
Articles
I cant put pictures anymore so this is all for now !! I hope by the end of this post, everyone will become and realize the true power of sebschumi 🥰🙏🔥🔥
#sebastian vettel#michael schumacher#sebschumi#seb/michael#i love them so so so much#they mean the world to me#its all about the yearning pining and longing#and how one will always exists because of the other#also how seb looks up to michael and always asks for his advice#and michael who is always looking forward to be working and racing and basically just spending his life with seb#and since he saw seb that day at the kart club kerpen#he knew seb will be the one that will make him proud#and he was right#and seb has never been so happy#because the person that he looks up to are now something so much more than just being a part of his life#because michael shaped seb from the start#without michael seb wouldnt even be in f1 or have any likings on motorsports#so yeah#sebschumi is pretty lit guys
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@fushiglow hmm….wonder who i’d draw this for all of a sudden and why… 🤔🤔
#your reblog surprised me#THREE BUNS SUGURU (STAR WARS ER JUST FOR YOU!)#theyre covering riko or smt and smuggling her places (??)#drawing this i was like ‘oh suguru’s curses in a star wars environment should be robots and stuff#so this suguru is a mecanic (he makes them from scrappy parts people have thrown out#and trash materials (and hard work 😎)#diy pokemon#because what is the cursed energy people are letting out if not junk theyre letting go of#so yeah ; basic geto takes shit and turns it useful#i do realise thats already very generic for star wars (junk robots junk robots!) but like. yknow. this guy takes shit people wouldnt bother#trying to sell. miam. junk of the junk. geto my favourite recycling bin you were designed for a luxurious lifestyle clearly (gege not me!)#(and stuff…………. but im lazy to put my vision in words rn hah..)#gojo’s probably a princess#(let’s not lie. hes basically a prince already (clan heir is a different look on him))#this made me want to write ?.??#problem is i dont remember much about star wars (watched it as a kid (we have the cds) appart from the very basic storyline… i forgot 😔#then theres the jawa’s first appearance cuz for some reason they scared me and i am marked for life (THEYRE JUST SILLY LITTLE GUYS 😭😭))#thankfully i lowkey want to rewatch everything so these issues can be fixed#(unthankfully either way the chance of me writing anything is very slim BUT WE NEVER KNOW RIGHT)#(hashtag diverging your attention from that other older post is it working /j/j)#omg glo i still didnt read balance (i think of it from time to time but im intimidated to read it because i know its right up my alley and#that i will love it and lately idk why but i need to ready myself emotionally to read peak fiction (this is so dumb but its true 😭😭))#my bad im rambling lol#WAIT FUCK SAME THING FOR BUNNY’S RECENT THINGY THAT GOT IN MY AO3 UPDATE MAIL#A LOVE STORY TOLD THROUGH THE LENS OF A THIRD PARTY MY BELOVED#(itsg ive searchef for these types of stories in advanced search before#AND NOW THAT I HAVE SOME BY AUTHORS I ALREADY ADORE .. IM- I SEE THEM BUT. THEIR CONTENTS STAY A MYSTERY. IS THIS MY BODY SUBCONSCIOUSLY FI#FIGHTING THE TEAR LOSS I WOULD GET??? IS THIS MFING [BALLING-MY-EYES-OUT] PREVENTION !? WITHOUT MY PERMISSION..!? TCH!)#my bad. ramble again o7 — see ya glo !#wip
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#okay sorry for venting but i’ve been processing that session for months#like im the one who fucked up that session because i couldnt make myself say anything and actually naming any problem i have#felt like im begging to have a bunch of excuses#and god that paychologist really made me feel like i imagined all of that for attention and now im back here again and im once again#realizing my brain is just fucked up and what do i do now because if i went to a session now#i would be in the same situation where i can’t say anything that actually bothers me#so i guess im in deep shit forever or at least until i stop having some fucking mental block or whatever#im just fucking tired bro…….#she told me everyone is a little bit autsitic and that’s it WHAT#bro if i had little enough symptoms of whatever that i could do stuff by myself anyway i wouldnt fucking be ghere paying 200zł for the most#ruining hours of my life thank you so much.#instead i have to use everyone in my life as a crutch because i literally just can’t function without help IUOUOUGHHH#god im so sorry okay im gone im just really going through it rn#vent
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my little cousin's saying I dont have a dad and I was like Yeah, I do. of course I do. but I guess to them I really dont because they dont remember him, he died when they were tiny.....
#like its not deep sadness i just feel blank#thats what i always think about- like im probably gonna be a loveless spinster all my life#but if i did have a kid. theyd never have a grandfather theyd never have a concept of him#you can tell people but telling without experiencing is never the same#if i met someone i can tell them about him but it'd never be a Real living breathing person to them. not really.#my lil nieces never met him they will never have any real feelings about him#Weird.#well it wouldnt be december if i didnt go back down my existential feelings weirdness train lmao
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Hii it's robbie dykecicle take my hand I'm thinking about slime taking flippa out after it rains and she's in her mammas boots and she's stomping around in mud puddles and she finds a cool bug so slime tells her to run back inside to ask Mariana for a jar and he's upset for a second about tracking mud in but she's clearly soooo excited so he'll give it a pass this time (is making slime do it) and she runs back out and slime helps her put it in a jar and and and:(
FUCKING FALLS INTO PIECES. TAKING YOUR HAND MAN shed look up at her mom with big-ass bug eyes through her thick glasses (-6 prescription ! matching with dad !) and she'd look so pitiful whenever mariana got upset over the mud and mariana would drop it almost immediately and they'd build a little terrarium for it and all flippa's bugs could thrive together. shaking you shaking you flippa's color scheme is like a lunar moth if you really think about it do you think she'd love moths too. do you think they'd raise them as a family and watch them hatch from cocoons and then release them when their wings are dried. dying a billion deaths fuck mannn:((
#i make yet anothet post just for me 👍#we have mail :]#qsmp#thinking about her killing mariana's family pet because flippa thought it was competing for attention with her#and wanted her mom to love her the mostest#do you think flippa would only allow them to have bugs as pets#she wouldnt let them get a dog or anything normal like a family#she NEEDS her beetles to study or else she dies <- she lies and tells them that. shell lose a life without enrichment#(just trying to guilt trip them)#((and it works. charlie and mariana would literally do anythjng for her))
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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