#i wouldnt exist without you
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64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?
No. Not at all. Easy as fucking breathing to me.
#wrestling myself so hard#fucking#easier than breathing actually#its so natural its stupid#made for him#always#i know its true#i cant tell him its true#how true it is#and it kills me#cmon idiot#i wouldnt exist without you#its a fact#not even opinion
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as if it was never there at all.
#undertale#deltarune#utdr#gaster#ok little bit of rambling bc ive been catching up on a LOT of deltarune stuff#something something guy(s) who cant be perceived without also ceasing to exist#i had the thought yesterday that. gaster is sort of the anti-chara in a way. if you say his name he ‘disappears’#the game crashes or resets etc. literally the opposite of invoking chara lol#plus how chara is so associated with deletion of worlds. and here gaster is wanting to create new ones#creating new worlds. creating a vessel for the player. creating connections#and its so much more sad when you think about how deltarune is like. fundamentally his attempt to connect with the player#he can maintain a connection with us. but we can’t see him. or show him his own name. or acknowledge his identity in any way#or else that connection will be severed. or he’ll disappear. or he’ll cease to have ever existed#mystery man goes away the moment you interact. egg man was never there but he gave you an Egg#etc etc#the white egg noelle was given in her game makes me think about this too because#that egg remained there the whole time she was afraid of it. it couldnt be thrown away. it wouldnt hatch. it was just There#and then when she comes back later and decides to take care of it like any of her other pets. THEN it disappears#’_____ left home due to happiness.’#how do you form real lasting connections when the connection itself makes you disappear
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a kiss to every single tumblr cc who uses their time to create and share their gifs/edits/art with us for free and a punch in the face to every person who steals and reposts their works without credits
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CMYK bby gurl
#2d gorillaz#Stuart Pot#gorillaz#gorillaz fanart#2D#my art#fanart#he's watching his shows#uh oh new fixation#anyone else get like at first really dejected looking at Hewlett's art cause you don't feel like you'll ever reach that skill level#but then like after a bit it fills you with like the biggest inspiration every and suddenly you're lugging your wacom to the campus library#i dont have desk space rn for me tablet...#anyway he's like the bby girl of all time#weird women and gay people wouldnt exist without him
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if life is categorized by Before Loss and After Loss then I exist in the before but with a countdown to the after. and the countdown is always always present and debilitating. the loss will be debilitating too but i cant help myself. i will always suffer twice.
#i cant let go of it. i cant even enjoy good moments without thinking about how they'll just be memories one day#how they're already memories since moments pass so fast#everything is I'll Miss This and i already miss it and i cant believe once you're gone you're gone forever#and ill never ever see you again. and your shell is in the ground but where did the rest of you go?#should i look at your body one last time? on one hand itll be the last time i see you.#on the other hand it will be the last time i see you.#and the memory of you will die with me too. as if neither ever existed#it impacts me so much too bc i dont feel close to anybody really...and i dont make friends easily#so whats going to happen when the people who have always been there arent there anymore?#im going to be alone for so much of my life.#i will record your voice so im ready for when i cant hear it from the source while also knowing it wont be enough and one day#ill be wishing it lasted longer. it could be 12 hours long and ill want more.#how do you surpass this? it hasn't even happened. when it happens i don't know what ill do. considering my whole life has been#the timer. the countdown. hours and hours of anticipatory grief#and then ill be next. me. some of all thats left of you. it cant be true.#sorry. this gets worse every single year and its been going insane lately#id surprisingly been managing it well for months somehow ! it wouldnt cross my mind...and now its there again#like it accumulated and its all coming out right now. ive been crying for hrs tonight and last night#one day his things will just be things. things ive made and given him will be in my hands again.#talkys#i want to go hug my dad but then ill just cry over how one day i wont be able to....! how do i store it? how do i save it?#how do i preserve it forever....even as i take my own last breath....#i cant believe im the only one of me. and my dad is the only one of him.#i wouldnt want to be reborn as anyone else. i cant believe one day i wont get to draw or eat or be comfy in bed anymore.#i cant take it !! im so scared. ill be scared until the end. and you wont be there to hold my hand. im going to be alone.#and none of those years of grief and joy and memories will matter.#i wonder if it would help to tell him about this. i need something to hold onto for when it happens. anything. but i also know it'll make i#hurt more; obviously. just another piece of him that'll be gone one day
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I think people misunderstood my macaque post
Ah well you win some you lose some
#people saying ‘the sun cant exist without the moon’#yes it can?#it just wouldnt shine#we wouldnt see it#thats why macaque is flawed from the start - you have him DEPEND on the sun to make any progress#with his character#moon and sun symbolisms are great but when you take it away#sun wukong is still SUN WUKONG but macaque is nobody without wukong and thats saying smthing#and i can give you so many examples of characters who have stories without relying on their childhood best friends#like jinx from arcane or marceline from adventure time#sometimes you can make it work if the story is about both of them#but the story has ALWAYS been about wukong never macaque#even macaque’s dialogue and actions and drives are all connected to wukong#and thats a little sad ngl#comeback kid#think pan
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It's more than just the worn sofa cushions and matching silverware sets. Any asshole can paint their clapboard baby blue and retrofit a gas cooktop into the kitchen, just like any asshole can stash a go bag beneath hardwood floors — having stuff doesn't make a home. Not that Bucky has any way to know that, having always had fewer personal belongings than fingers on both hands. But he suspects that if the Wilson family found themselves transplanted into Bucky's Brooklyn shithole, that dump would become a home quicker than blinking.
post-tfatws family feels with bucky & the wilsons
#bucky barnes#sam wilson#sambucky#winterfalcon#sambucky fic#winterfalcon fic#marvel#marvel fic#the falcon and the winter soldier#tfatws#tfatws fic#stuff#im obsessed with the wilsons i want a show about just them idfc#wilsons & bucky is a dynamic i will never tire of experiencing#it makes such good narrative sense for them to just merge#and i just adore them#anywayyyyy#getting to use the word shithole in this fic no less than three times was a great delight for me#my fic#my writing#shoutout to november for kicking my ass into writing gear#this fic wouldnt exist without you#nanowrimo you may be blacklisted on the basis of your dumb AI views but i can never erase what you did for my writing work ethic#for one month of the year i become a goddamn word machine#and i have you to thank for that#i also have trackbear to thank for being a more principled (and generally cute!) platform with which to track my writing progress this mont#so i don't have to backslide into nanowrimo like a toxic ex
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tdov was like a week ago already but I just wanna say when I came over to vacation slash help my sworn brother move flat he told me, "ever since you said you wanted to get top surgery I've been thinking about it. it's straight up number two on my bucket list"
#bakuspeech#number one is a house bc obviously. if u can own a house wouldnt u#he was very drunk at that time of the evening. I was not bc I have the constitution of a hot air balloon and any stimulant will blow me up#(relatively new development. france fucked me up big time turns out)#we held hand on his bed for like the whole evening. it was honestly very funny in hindsight but we were extremely earnest in the moment#and Im like. working on this thing as well. I dont got meds or therapy lmao Im bootstrappin here#but yeah early last year his bf offered to get me meds and I... turned it down... I think I was worried abt like. idk. something#but one year past looking back Im fully like that was a stupid move you shouldve gotten meds. youve once again fucked urself baku#but yeah with that kinda realization Ive also come to realized I've somewhat? accepted. that I'm just gonna be. like this#this in light of a number of likely chronic stuff too (hence my balloon-like constitution lmao) and#that's kinda bled into the rest of me without me really noticing#but him bringing that up fully unprompted... kinda jolted me out of it#its just. really incredibly sweet. that someone doesn't want me to settle for what I make do with#and like. preps for that work. just kinda held my hand and told me it's possible to do this actually#I didn't really express how I felt very well in that moment I think my brain is very bad and I process emotions with like a day of delay#but. well. Im thinking abt it Right Now. so yknow thats the kind of impact that had on me lol#not super sure why I wrote all this down here really. I think I just want a good n nice reminder that object permanence is real#and I exist in my friends' life even when Im going insane in a hole by myself#and with the power of friendship we can alter the universe's plan for ourselves and also kill god#that's that. anyways I eat lunch now and then pass out probably. last night was... eventful lmao#but!! very good things on the horizon hopefully. well manifestly we hold hammers and we use them#have a good day lads. let's go out and slay monsters under a highway
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omg reverse riko au is making me feel so ill..... please let us know if you have any more thoughts abt riko kayleigh and kevin legend.....
I DO my idea is that its around the same age kevin and riko met in canon so tetsuji kicks the bucket when riko is 7/8 and riko is (very forcibly) removed from the nest and sidelined to kayleigh as a new moriyama asset from the main branch takes over the nest. riko struggles a lot with the change because he is very young and very scared and he’s used to horrible things at tetsuji’s hand, which means that he doesn’t trust kayleigh and finds kevin entirely too weird. it’s honestly really cute because i think at this point obviously 7 year old kevin wants to befriend him but riko is such an anxious ball of anger that most of their interactions are like
baby riko: what do you WANT from me. go AWAY!!!! NOW
baby kevin: (heavy irish accent) nothing i think. do you want a bite of my sandwich?
anyway i think riko and kayleigh do get along but he never really considers her his mother or even godmother, for a long time he thinks of her as his Benefactor until the child therapy starts hitting and she becomes Aunt Kayleigh and then after a few more years he can be loosely convinced to refer to her as auntie once or twice a year. his second son syndrome never really leaves him; in the upcoming years riko struggles with the idea that he’s anything But an add-on to the days and still overworks himself to death trying to be acknowledged by kengo, but it’s leaps better just from being outside the nest and having people to look out for him
riko and kevin have some rough patches, especially during riko’s first years with the days. because kevin is an easy target and riko is afraid of kayleigh he ends up letting a lot of that anger out on kevin, though obviously at this point they are children and riko’s anger manifests in some mild bullying and name calling. i think kevin doesn’t even understand it most of the time 😭 riko has been around grown ups his entire life so his adult level insults make no sense to kevin’s seven year old mind. nevertheless after kayleigh tells him to stop picking on kevin riko does respect it (first out of fear, then later because they actually get along) and they go on to become brothers with only a slight tendency towards antagonism. riko’s jealousy of kevin is still a big part of their relationship and i think even more so when college applications roll around, and he’s even more worried when wymack comes into the picture, but it never culminates into anything as horrible as hand breaking because riko has an actual outlet and a support system :) it’s mostly a yelling match that eventually turns to getting scolded by kayleigh for acting like barbarians
#i know kayleighs sermons go hard kevin and riko are sitting there head bowed like yes maam…..#i havent yet decided where they both go to college in this au#but i think for one that the nest still exists and jean still gets sold to the moriyamas but it’s the main branch now#however without riko there jean’s experience in the nest is. Hard but not brutal#anyway i think riko would apply to edgar allen but he would be rejected on the account of being second branch raised by foreigners#but how horrifying to think about jean in the nest bossing riko around right. kind of a slay though#i think kevin goes to palmetto still Because he wants to reconnect with wymack and riko is very divided but ultimately chooses usc#because they’re the best and he doesn’t want to play second fiddle to kevin and his father#also i imagine his time in usc sucks a lot for the first months because it’s so different LOL#and he’s never been alone before like this with kayleigh and kevin so far out of reach#but :) hed make friends. maybe even… captain jeremy knox….. whos to say?#!#meanwhile kevin (a normal boy at this point) has to deal with the foxes being a trainwreck and the new serial killer dad recruit#he’s got a lot on his hands#ANYWAY this is entirely unrelated and indulgent but i want this kevjean to meet so bad#riko on the phone: we played against the ravens that jean moreau is a scoundrel and a monster and he almost broke my arm kevin: woaw#he’s gonna be so pissed off three years down the line when jean moreau shows up at christmas dinner with the days#you think theres any worse dynamic for jean and riko than master and slave? of course. Brothers in law#wouldnt you just kill to be a little fly buzzing around that christmas supper#asks#riko#kevin&riko
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Clef this, Gears that. My question is:
What is your favorite obscure character?
#scp#scp character#scp foundation#by that i mean that outside of several specific works they virtualy dont exist and very little/nothing canonwise would change if they didnt#but it wouldnt be the same#you kno what i mean#i for example really enjoyed how crackishly pat from technical issues was written or how snarky rosen from new technical issues could get#but without reading trough tvtropes character page i would never even know they existed#edit: just got trough site-7 series and#when they mentioned in nti that he was busy i wasnt exepecting THAT#you ever see a character become THE character? cause thats what happened to me here#dr alto clef#dr gears#researcher rosen
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I feel so stupid for being this worked up about the graphics still but god I just. Buries face in hands
#i really worked to set aside my worries and reservations towards it#and hope that they meant it when they said they werent gonna alter too much#but then they went and changed existing options rather than adding new ones#so now we got pplwho are unhappy about the changes and complaining and ppl who are happy with the changes and unhappy with the complaining#whats more is looking at some npcs in anamnesis you can clearly see what an upgrade it is with just the resolution hair upgrades etc#and that you wouldnt have had to alter the facial features of npcs and pcs to polish the games look up#its just so disheartening!!!! i dont feel like im playing ieeha anymore#cause his temporary face isnt him but his usual face isnt either now#and thats not even getting into my many alts who look just as fucked up if not more#and i feel bad for having lost so much motivation#like sure maybe i can mod down the line#but i dont want to HAVE to? i dont like using major mods because i usually prefer the vanilla type of look#and i like it when i can play without feeling like im missing a bunch of stuff when mods are down#it just feels so disheartening?#silvi talks#and whines like a little bitch#i hoped that it would just feel weird because its new but no#the more time that passes the more cynical i feel about the changes HDSGJKSLD
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just saw someone have "if you plan on doing a human centipede mass attack do NOT include my characters" in their character permissions on artfight which is such a wild thing to see with no context
#i mean yeah i personally wouldnt want my ocs drawn in that situation either. its really gross and uncomfortable#and i say that as a horror liker who isnt usually fazed by much in horror media#but since when is people drawing that stuff without permission suhc a common thing that you have to put a disclaimer for it ....#ive never even seen anyone draw something like that on artfight ????#but i guess if it does exist itd be very easy to never see it due to the way artfight works#is there just a whole community of people doing really weird/uncomfortable mass attacks without permission that im unaware of
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i felt like drawing Maru but I really don't have the energy to even color this sketch.
#that anon made me think Huh he sure is much less on my mind#Then I remembered one of my fave anime- Erased#I feel like “what if i disappeared from this world and how would it change my loved one's lives” has been done enough times already#but i have nothing to do with his canon story now. So I thought. What if he Really disappeared?#I never caught up with Madoka stuff but I remember something with this theme too and that girl chasing her to stop her from doing that#so i was like hmmmmm Cherry?#Like imagine chasing a dead person's shadow your whole life and when you almost grasp it#it disappears. wouldnt that be fucked up#I like happy endings but also can u imagine#Maru seeing his family live without him never existing. His mom is alive. His grandparents accept her.#Olivia never gets hurt or leaves the town thanks to Hana#Alex's life doesn't change at all.#Wouldn't that be heartbreaking. Hehe. No I wont do it but i want to put my thoughts somewhere#sorry friends I am chronically tired and i have given up on everything! goodnight#maybe. idk#doodles#maka#maru#oc
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Just say you think cp is ok as long as the minors are fictional you fuckin pedophile
Normally I ignore hostile or pre-judgmental asks on the off chances I get them, but I'll make exception for this one because it seems like a good opportunity for some much needed nuance-- also because I get this person's disgust, I really do.
But you, my fella, must understand that this isn't about the morality or even lack thereof behind dark fictional content, at all. You must realize that wanting dark and taboo fictional content (yes including that one you mentioned) not being allowed to exist actually does nothing to improve or protect irl lives, much on the contrary actually. No, I don't think there's any possible moral reason behind fictional cp content (nor do I find it 'ok',) but once again, this isn't about morality.
Please take a moment to read this thread (it words this topic better than me) then think it over. Trust me, it's a better use of your time than annoying ppl online with words you can't even bother standing up for with your name/face.
#like yeah i get your kneejerk reaction n outrage#but you must not let your disgust alone call for morality esp with fictional content#believe me i dont like pedophiliac fiction and wouldnt want to engage or come across it personally#and i def dont think it should just be posted wherever without abandon without the proper trigger/content warnings filters tags#or outside the proper spaces#if the contrary happens the problem isnt the dark theme itself existing but an INDIVIDUAL problem of the author being forgetful at best#or an asshole at worst#but i understand this kind of content has to be safe to exist when properly handled even if i dont like it nor would look at it#bc if you allow censorship even the tiniest margin there it will never ever just stop or stay there#it will 100% of the time always try to spread and take more#you dont need to engage or like or even agree with dark content at all!#but you must understand that either even the darkest and most grotesque and disgusting type of fic is safe to exist#or NO forms of fiction are truly safe to exist at all#yes even the fictional content you'd deem pure and kid-friendly could be at risk then#anon#anonymous#jellycream answers#psa#idk what other tags should be here im drawing a blank srry
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I have Got to get more transgender
#100% секретный дневник левы НЕ ЧИТАЙ#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
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"what would your character be like without their trauma?" is such a hard question for me because it makes me feel like a massive asshole LMAO
(im attaching a picture of a tundra literally to add context to my ramble in the tags because my posts are structured by a sane person) (you should read the ramble in the tags i talk so much about rivers fsr)
#like. rivers would probably just purpose funky things for the hell of it and study lizards and stuff#i think environmentalism would matter to him since he was created long before the great equalizer when there was like. actually a view#have you guys ever looked at a tundra for real theyre so pretty. i think the colours would be funkier though#purples and blues along with the reds and oranges i think but id have to draw it tio be sure its not ugly#anyways. rivers would probably be interested in nature conservation especially since the ancients destroyed the world-#but the iterators construction obviously had a massive part in that so hed feel ownership#him and glass wouldve got along VERY well in this circumstance since that matters a lot to her (specifically animal conservation though)#but at the same time glass doesnt exist without rivers trauma right. she cant exist if flowers isnt in his life because he Literally built#her (glass) just to be mean to rivers#doomed for real#i....... want them to be friends in the walky au. my massive block is trying to think of some reason nights Needs to leave his can because#he wouldnt if not required. and glass just wouldnt leave him. in no circumstance would they willingly separate from eachothers company#theyd ALSO need to be really fast because the only opportunity nights would get to get out is when odyssey goes to him to help her build#the weapon she needs to kill dune. (odyssey has the gift. the twins dont know anyone else who does((other than phrases obvsly)))#this happens a considerable amount of time after phrases and rivers escape. they have like. a month's time on them#odysseys like “if you guys are for real about leaving do NOT go straight south. dont. dont. dont. youre like 2 feet tall you WILL die”#nights is like “DEAR GOD SERIAL KILLERS??????” and glass is like “wtf youre only like a foot taller than us”#anyways i think glass and rivers would get along and rivers has a positive arc here right and realizes hes wrong and hes glad he didnt.#kill the twins. yeah its good you didnt do that dude#i jsut really really think theyd get along if rivers had the chance to associate her with anything but flowers horrid treatment of him#because in the normal story all he sees when he sees her is flowers. and like flowers could the twins can tap into his work and see his#files and logs and such whenever they wanted. they didnt do this very often- glass really never looked at rivers work unless she was told t#but rivers was just made SO paranoid by flowers abuse that thinking of being watched makes him feel sick and horrible#and his whole thing is trying to find a way to feel less horrible right so thats (part of) why he decides to get rid of them#hm. if rivers wassnt traumatized hed like nature and creatures. anyways#oc posting#look to the tags for the oc posting
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