#i wouldn't wish for my worst enemy to get through something like that. for his entire world to see what hides his pouring heart

[my-fancy-hat]

... goosebumps

[rizsu]

ꪆ୧ ── REAP WHAT YOU SOW ┊ LOVE TO LOSE ﹑ JJK. ⤿ starring: gojo satoru x fem!reader.

꒰ heart to none ﹢ if only he knew karma would come back to bite his ass a few years later. now he misses his ex while she's moved on.

𖧷 · love, ‘su: nothing much!! just moments of him suffering

co-parenting with satoru truly isn't all butterflies. as reserved and respectful as he is (to a selected few), satoru never hesitated to taunt you whenever you mentioned going on dates.

“a date? hmm, good luck with that.”

“if it happens to kick off, good for you, but i don't want him near my child.”

“how exciting! i hope it fails.”

those are just some examples of his behaviour. he's vocal about disliking you and the idea of sharing you. had he known beforehand he'd become slightly possessive, he would've avoided you and relationships altogether.

loving someone his mind hates but his heart longs for isn't an experience he'd wish upon his worst enemy — it's too much. the wretched feeling in his chest deepens whenever he's with the kid; scenarios of you being beside him at that very moment flashes before his eyes, but his pride's too high to crash whatever you're doing.

that doesn't stop him from texting, however. he never had an issue with double—triple texting you. if he had something to say (which is never anything important), he'll say it.

satoru: hey.

satoru: did you forget you have a family at home?

satoru: my child's asleep btw, we had fun all day.

you: my* child. not yours.

satoru: so what am i, an elf on babysitting duties?

you: sure if that's what you want. now stop texting my phone.

satoru: what if i'm dying?

you: i'd pop some champagne. throw something on the grill. light up a cigarette, even.

satoru: you don't even like cigarettes.

you: exactly. now bye i'll be there for six.

yeah, there's no doubt that you'll never entertain him again. he, too, wouldn't entertain himself if he was in your position. sure, he was an ass in the relationship but— you're both older and wiser. maybe you can put the differences aside and come together? a flat no is what you'd answer.

satoru doesn't even hear from you often; most of your activity reports come from your child who excitedly tells their father the details, wishing he was there.

“you guys had fun. i wish i was there too, bub.”

a sentimental tone settled in his voice. he's suffering the consequences of his actions, and he desperately needs you to help him through it.

just like old times: you'd be there for him, going along with whatever he needed to calm down. whether it's wanting to be in you or on you— as long as your arms were wrapped around him.

but it's all a memory now. a bitter one.

do you show your vulnerable side to the guys you date, too? do you hold them the way you held him? do they even know what you like? do they know you the way he knows you?

jealousy, regret, longing— everything mixes in his mind. his stomach aches. it feels as though his insides are hollow.

he adores your child. they look mostly like him, but the personality stems from you. the attitude, tantrums, even the way they hold things — it's all you. he guesses the kid's observed you and eventually picked up your habits. satoru relates; after all, he still has some of your habits he picked up.

as the clock ticks on, his fingers hover over the keyboard on his phone. somehow, he found himself in your pinned chat— debating whether he should text or not. he's been typing and deleting for the past ten minutes. unless you're not on the app, there's no way you didn't notice the ‘typing...’ under his contact name.

satoru: i've been thinking.

(message deleted)

satoru: fuck your date let's get back together.

(message deleted)

satoru: or whatever you're doing right now. let me apologize — it's been years. our baby's four now.

(message deleted)

satoru: hey.

you: what's with these deleted messages?

you: are you okay?

he wonders. is he okay? would you come over if he said no? are you going to be mad if he re-sent what the deleted messages said?

satoru: uhhh yeah. everything's fine.

satoru: i'm bored that's why.

satoru: you should totally come over.

you: no.

you: talk to you later.

satoru: please? i'm serious.

you: fine.

satoru: might as well spend the night.

(message deleted)

satoru: thanks.

(message delivered)

“well fuck...” he sighs, raking his fingers through his hair. he doesn't have anything to say nor do with you. actually, he does — he has quite a few, but he wouldn't push your buttons. he'd love to, but the chances of him receiving a slap is high.

[r0-boat]

Whb Omegaverse AU headcanons

Reader is an omega for this specific post! Because all of you are bottoms/j

Nsfw

Cw: dubcon heavy dubcon, implications of noncon, Omegaverse dynamics.

Oh no

Being an omega in whb is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. You already need demon cum to survive now you just need demon dick to survive your heat. I don't think all devils and hell are just not going to take advantage of you during your heat where your vulnerable and wanting.

Devils are in a weird middle ground where they are neither Alpha, Omega nor Beta But the same time all of them. It's weird because they have a completely different scent that feels like an alpha however can also have a calming scent as an omega. They have Alpha ruts and Omega heats. And they can mark anyone as their mate as they please. They can have multiple mates but a lot of devils only choose one.

To prevent you from getting mated you have to put on a indestructible bite proof collar. It has the power to withstand Lucifer with his vampiric teeth so I think you're safe. Especially because demons have sharper teeth.

Fear for your safety in Abaddon. Like never go outside without your heat suppressants it's not like that will really work because devils will still smell you even with suppressants. And only Kings can withstand the scent of a delicious human in heat. Other devils even sometimes nobles are weak to the scent. Good luck protecting yourself when one of them is in that rut. I guess you're only other option is just always have a trusted devil with you when you go outside.

By the way demon ruts are far more intense than human Alpha. Like I'm talking fighting in the street. Starting brawls in Bars. Yes Kings can hold back when they can smell you in heat but that doesn't mean they do. They're demons, and that means extra devil energy for you. :) You're done for.

Demons from Abyssos and Abaddon are the only exceptions if they sense that you're in heat they becomes a feral animal, hell bent on marking you. You better run from Beel and Bael

Bael is an interesting case. To appear kingly he tries so hard to reject the animalistic drive to pounce on you. And he actually tries to avoid you. Until he can't take the tightness in his pants anymore.

Beel will break into your room through the window to have his way with you like the creature of the night he is.

The Kings start a passive aggressive war on each other by scenting. At first it was just a way to protect you and ward off angels. Then Levi the last meeting scent it you right in front of Satan Even though he just did that, Levi even went the extra mile making sure he covered up every spot Satan scented. The next time you ever visit him he will make sure you REEK of his scent.

On a lighter note I'm pretty sure everything would be so endearing to you when you're starting to nest. Demons would send you gifts of the finest material to make into your nest. To any devil it would be an honor to add his clothing into your nest because you just simply think They smell good. Even though you'll try to nest and secluded spot You're a little nesting spot will be found out and protected like their lives depended on it. Driving away any other devils that are too persistent or angels also drawn to your scent.

Devils with strong provider instinct like mammon would be worsen during the heat. These devils are the ones giving you gifts. Especially food.

Satan is growling and barking being your little guard dog. Anyone touches you They are dead. He inspects any gifts you are given. Beel it's already in your nest (He's ready when you are) Levi is about to bust a blood vessel just about to throw all these demons out. He knows that you need to be alone and only you can decide who can come in to your own nest (a rare moment of clarity for Levi?!)

Lucifer is trying so hard to hold back to your pheromones. Angels can smell them but they cannot feel the pull of your irresistible scent. Now that he has a fallen angel and the devil He is not quite used to smelling you. And he is trying to resist.

Minhyeok is an alpha, and he's been getting by on his ruts by just running into the stuff that smells like you, your underwear your dirty clothes, That damn chair. Now that you're gone he's starting to go through shampoo and lotion you use. Ruts are getting harder and harder to go through and he needs you so bad. Before you were taken to hell He always subconsciously thought you were his omega even though he hasn't mated you yet. Since you always smelled like him which he liked because deterred alphas.

[yutori-do]

The four things I notice and hate the most in Gai's (bad) characterization:

Intelligence: In some fics they make him completely stupid, with no ability to conform to social labels or understand what they say to him without rethinking it, and that makes my blood boil because this guy is anything but stupid; He is an avid learner and always seeks improvement (genin at 7, chuunin at 11. He may not be Kakashi but he is still quite a lot, right?), able to predict, if I remember correctly, up to a hundred movements of his enemy before to be executed, someone who thinks quickly in battle and very adaptable.

My God, he drives NUNCHAKUS and you think he's incapable of concentrating? I understand that it is one thing to sit down and study and another to train, but I don't think GAI, of all people, wouldn't take on such a challenge. Appearing empty-minded is his facade, his mask. The only way I can accept that he's pretty stupid is if it's because of the trauma of losing his father, he clings to the attitude of a child as a way to feel like he's back in his childhood. AND YET-

Okay, next point.

Darkness: This man was literally beaten by chuunin because when he was a child just for being the son of a outcast of Konoha, they made fun of him and probably isolated him from the rest as a child, and he has also been under a strict exercise regimen since he was 5 years old. An exercise that made him fall from fatigue and pain, and he, despite everything, continued to get up, continued to force himself to overcome the pain. Gai's darkness is not easily detected because he is not visibly cruel to anyone but himself; The only way he is easily seen is with his relationship with Lee, his dedication to put him through everything he put Lee through even though he is the person Gai loves the most (possibly after his father). The way he pushed his (Lee's) limits to the point of telling Lee that he should face death to hold onto some hope for a better future (to be a shinobi again) is very dark. The relationship he has with Rock Lee ironically brings out the worst parts of Gai, and there we enter the next point.

Cruelty: Gai is a character who has been shown to have an extremely strong code of values, in which benevolence always comes first; He is empathetic in a world where that is condemning, he is kind to people who at best only make fun of him for how he looks. In short, a great person. But that does not mean that he is not cruel, that he hesitates when killing; he is still a soldier, a child soldier who participated in a war based more on ego than anything else. His moral code does not prevent him from killing, but rather makes him limit himself, to limit himself to what is absolutely necessary. If he has defeated his opponents and thus achieved his mission, then he will not kill, because the rest are shinobi like him and also had a mission.

We've only seen traces of Gai's cruelty throughout Naruto, small flashes of what he truly is in battle. Do you seriously think that the title of Beast is achieved only by defeating enemies? It is not even a specific animal, but literally: Konoha's Beast of Prey.

And what is a beast but an animal that kills cruelly? One kick of his was capable of breaking rocks when he was just a child. What prevents him from punching through his opponent's chest? Breaking skulls using just his fingers? You're not going to tell me that someone like him, with his strength, is not capable of ripping off your arm in a single movement.

Gai is capable of great, great cruelty cultivated by years of being humiliated by the village he now protects with his life, by the Village for which he destroys his body day by day. Still, his morals prevail, but it does not mean that cruelty is inappropriate for him.

And possibly the root of all his problems...

Death Wish: Dying for the Village is something that is as ingrained in how Gai thinks as any Konoha child, but this takes a drastic turn when his father sacrifices himself to save him. His father was, despite being ashamed of him, his World. The only person who loved him with everything, who showed him sweetness and tenderness in everything, he who took care of him as the most precious thing he had. In a place where everyone hated him and slowly began to change because Gai was useful to them, only his father loved him unconditionally, no matter what.

It is not specified how old Gai was when his father dies, but he can be placed after 11 and before 14, and that is possibly the source of what he is like; totally adhered to what his father was in an attempt to demonstrate that Maito Dai was a great man and shinobi through his legacy of the Eight Gates, his greatest and only technique. It is known that before he was 20 he had already acquired his title of the Blue Beast of Konoha, so it is accurate to say that he already knew how to open the Seventh Gate, at LESS THAN TWENTY YEARS OLD, the time it took his father to master the technique.

Gai's desire for death and his perspective of it is shown by his speech about Lee's highly risky surgery; If he can't live fully as a ninja, then he doesn't want to live. For him, Death is a price, the most precious coin that he is able to throw to prove something, to prove that he is worth something in a world where Death is common, where he was expected not to survive, much less prosper.

He lives life to the fullest, being his best person, enduring whatever it takes because he knows that his end, his death, when it happens, will show everyone that he was never weak, that he was incredibly powerful, and for someone who grew up being treated as the lowest scum except by his father, who ended up dying in a blaze of glory as an outcast, a death like that is the highest he can aspire to. For him, the only destiny is death, and the only way to prove his worth. And that's not fucked?

(And if you want to add another tragedy, possibly the Eighth Gate was a relief during the war because Gai's death cannot go unnoticed, hidden. Being someone who had so many limitations, being at a significant disadvantage, and being sent to war so young, where the majority are children or other young people who die anonymously, the Eight Gates were his way of establishing that no, he would not be killed, because he would kill himself first. Oh, now i know why he respected Kisame so much at the end.)

[the-goldenbunny-diaries]

Masseuse (M)

⚢ Pairing - Nayeon x Reader

✎ Word Count - 2.7k

☆ Genre - Smut

♡ Description - After being yelled at by your boss, you look for a source of release, deciding to make an appointment with a masseuse for a bit of stress relief. (A/N: This isn’t proofread so I apologize if there are typos.)

★・・・・・・★

"Really, Y/N! I can't believe you actually did that! Such a rookie mistake," Your boss shook his head, ridiculing you. You work at Sapphire Business Company, a division under Gem Industries. Sapphire works specifically with the customer support side of Gem. Unfortunately, you were caught up with her newest task: training a newbie, Tzuyu, who didn't know how to code a lost and replaced item properly. You were called into her boss's office because Tzuyu coded it as just a lost item that had not been replaced yet. So, returning to the present, your boss is yelling at you, blaming you for Tzuyu’s mistake.

"I really expected more from you. You've been working here for over 4 years now, Y/N. You should know better," He scorned. You tried your best to explain to him that it wasn't your fault, that it was your new coworker's mistake, but he wouldn't listen to you. You just had to sit back and listen to him blame you for something you didn't do.

"Y/N, you're now on probation starting now. You're not going to come into work tomorrow, nor for the rest of the week, and you're certainly not going to get paid for it either. Maybe you'll learn that you need to make sure everything is right before you send it in." You looked at your boss with an utterly shocked face, freezing in place. “You may leave now.” He spoke sternly before you politely bowed and walked out of his office. As soon as she left, however, you silently cursed him out.

“How could he blame me for something that Tzuyu did?” You thought to yourself. You felt a strange feeling coursing through your body, almost as if every muscle was tightening due to the stress that your boss just caused you. After a few minutes of this, it was almost painful to move due to how tight your muscles had become. It was an experience you’d never felt before and was certainly not one you would wish on your worst enemy.

You sighed as you finally sat down in your car, slightly relieving the pain in your body. "Shit, I've gotta fix this somehow. I’m not going to be able to do anything like this."

★・・・・・・★

Driving down the road seemed to calm you some, but even the soothing music couldn't help the tenseness inside your muscles. When you pulled up to a red light, you quickly grabbed your phone and looked up local massage places. The closest one with the highest reviews was Ciao Bella. You laughed at the name, which meant “Hello Beautiful” in Italian. Since the spa had the best reviews, you decided to give them a call. You rang the number as you continued to drive. After a few rings, a young female picked up.

"Hello. This is Ciao Bella Spa. This is Nayeon. How can I assist you today?" She said.

"Uhh, hi. I'm looking to schedule a massage for this afternoon." you almost stuttered. The voice that spoke to her over the phone was alluring and made her want to simply listen.

"Of course. Let me pull up the schedule for you." You heard some clicking before the woman spoke again. "Alright, so are you a first-time customer?" Nayeon asked.

"Y-yes." you almost died when she heard Nayeon’s little giggle over the phone.

"You're so cute. So, we have two massage therapists in today; one being myself and one being Sana. We're both pretty good, but I normally start with new clients." Nayeon explained.

"O-okay sure. What time are you a-available?" You asked, your voice continuing to fail you.

"I'm open anytime after 2." She said. You glanced down at my Apple watch and saw it was 1:47. You thought for a moment before speaking.

"Can I come in around 2:30? That gives me time to get from work over to you?" You responded, finally being able to speak without stuttering or pausing.

"Of course, I'll see you then---." Nayeon’s voice trailed off as if she was waiting for you to finish her sentence. You gasped as she totally forgot to give Nayeon her name.

"Oh my goodness. I am so sorry. I forgot to give you my name. I'm Y/L/N Y/F/N." she said.

"Alright, Y/N. You're in the books. I'll see you soon!" you smiled before you said goodbye and hung up. When you set your phone down, you looked in your rearview mirror and noticed that your cheeks were covered in a light pink hue.

"Why am I blushing," you asked yourself.

★・・・・・・★

You pulled up to Ciao Bella Spa a few minutes before you appointment, so you decided to go in a look around. As you entered the building, you immediately noticed that the whole spa was very modernized. You really liked the way it looked, and you instantly felt comfortable. As you slowly walked around, looking at all of the products laid out in the front of the store, a young woman walked around the corner and came up to you.

"You must be Y/N. I'm Nayeon." She smiled a gummy smile as she extended her hand out to you.

"Pleasure to meet you, Nayeon." You returned the smile and shook her hand.

Nayeon gestured to you to follow her over to the front counter. As she went around the back, she grabbed her a piece of paper and a clipboard. "If I could just have you fill this out for me real quick just so I can get a general idea of what you need." you nodded and sat down in one of the chairs in the main lobby. To sum up the form, it asked where her pain was, which right now was everywhere. You chuckled to yourself as uou filled it out and couldn't wait to see Nayeon's reaction.

Once you finished, you walked back up to the counter and gave the paper to Nayeon. She smiled before she skimmed over it. She gave you a funny look before she spoke.

"You hurt everywhere?" Nayeon laughed.

"Yup," you spoke, popping the P at the end. "Work stresses me out."

"Girl, same!" She smiled, and you both laughed. "Alright alright, let get you into the room and get you de-stressed." You followed her down a nice hallway and into a room with a sign above it that said: Venice. The room was extremely nice and was very calming. The lights were dimmed and there was a small water feature hanging on the far wall. Yiou looked around for a second before turning back to Nayeon.

"So, I'm going to leave you for a second. Just undress as much as you feel comfortable doing and hop on the table face up." Nayeon smiled before she left the room. You quickly took off her clothes until you was just in your underwear and climbed under the sheets on the table. She was surprised to feel that the table was warmed. You shifted around a few times until you were comfortable and closed you eyes. As you took a couple of deep breaths, you listened to the flowing water fountain. You was so relaxed that you almost dozed off until a knock on the door brought you back to Earth.

"You ready?" You heard Nayeon call from the other side of the door.

"Yes ma’am," you said as she opened the door.

"Y/N, I'm probably only a year or two older than you. You don't have to call me ma'am." She dimmed the lights further then walked over to the side of the table. She pulled out a couple of tools and oils before she sat in a rolling chair behind you.

"So, I want you to take a deep breath and close your eyes," Nayeon spoke in a very soothing tone. You did as she said as Nayeon started the massage. There’s two things you noticed immediately: 1) she was very good at what she does and 2) her hands were massive. You sighed as Nayeon’s fingers rubbed your temples, already relieving some of the tension. As she continued, she gave your head a massage, which caused a ton of chills to run down your body. Then, Nayeon moved to your upper body. She grabbed some of her massage oil, put it on her hands, and started to move them along your neck and shoulders. You internally laughed at the number of knots she felt Nayeon start to rub out. Her hands seemed to cover your entire shoulder and she continued massaging. As Nayeon finally rubbed out one of the bigger ones, you accidentally let out a sound that was similar to a moan.

You felt Nayeon pause for a moment before continuing to massage your neck. "You okay? Am I going too hard?" She asked you.

"N-no no, you're f-fine." You said, gripping the sheets underneath you and trying your best to keep in the sounds you desperately wanted to make as Nayeon continued to get the knots out of your neck. Everything she did just felt so pleasurable, especially with her massive hands, and sent shivers through your entire body. Nayeon must have been able to tell because, at that moment, your eyes went wide as you felt a pair of lips on her shoulder. At first, they were light pecks but soon turned into little kisses and nibbles. You couldn't hold back anymore and let out a moan. It wasn't loud, for you were trying to be quiet, but Nayeon definitely heard it.

"You like that, princess?" Nayeon spoke in a sultry tone, the pet name making everything hotter. All you could do was nod, for no words would come out of your mouth. Nayeon found your sweet spot, and you felt her smirk on her neck when she bit down on it, causing you to moan a little louder. "Shhhh." she cooed. "You've got to stay quiet."

You nodded again as you bit your lip, trying your best to hold back the sounds that fought to come out of your mouth. You watched as Nayeon got up from her chair and came around the table so that she was on your right side. Nayeon grabbed the sheet and folded it over so that your upper body was now exposed. You shivered as the cold air hit your skin, but that was quickly forgotten as Nayeon started to run her fingers across your chest. She started just below your collarbone and worked her way down towards your breasts. Heat instantly filled your cold body when her hands pinched your nipples, causing you to gasp. Your back arched into Nayeon’s touch as she continued to play around, teasing you like crazy.

At this point, you knew your underwear was soaked through. There was no way they weren't. If you was being honest with yourself, you was probably dripping onto the table. You tried to squeeze your thighs together to relieve some of the growing pressure between your legs. However, Nayeon wouldn't allow it. She removed one of her hands from your breast and use it to push your legs apart again, making you whine slightly.

"Patience is a virtue, baby girl." Nayeon husked. That alone turned you on even more. Your hands had not once moved from grasping the sheets, for you needed something to help with the building in your core. Continuing with what she started, Nayeon moved her hand back to your breast, making sure they were thoroughly massaged and your nipples were standing tall. Once they were, she slowly moved her hands south toward where you needed them most. However, she was going at a snail’s pace just to tease you more.

"N-Nayeon...." you moaned. "I--"

Nayeon just smirked as her hands reached the hem of your underwear. You quietly thanked the Lord above for not putting on granny panties. Nayeon grabbed the waistline, pulling them up slightly before letting it go, letting it snap against your skin. When a whine came out of your mouth, Nayeon ripped the rest of the sheet off your body, leaving you fully exposed, except for your underwear. Although, that didn't last long.

"Baby.... is this all for me?" She asked as she ran a long finger across your covered slit, feeling all your juices that soaked the fabric.

"Y-yes." you stuttered. "All for y-you."

Nayeon smiled smugly as she leaned down and grabbed your underwear with her teeth, pulling them down slowly, before discarding them to the side of the room and returning to her spot between your legs. You moaned just at the sight. The way Nayeon’s lustful eyes sparkled up at you almost had you cumming then and there. Her large bands started to caress your upper thighs and before long, you felt Nayeon’s tongue run a straight line up your now exposed slit, causing you to throw a hand over your mouth, muting a loud moan.

Nayeon expertly moved her tongue around in a figure-8 shape, causing you to lose your mind. You moved one of your hands from the sheet and laced it through Nayeon’s hair, pushing her head closer to your core. The pleasure got more intense, however, when her right hand moved from your thigh to your clit. If you weren’t already putty in this woman’s hands, you knew you were done for. As soon as Nayeon applied pressure, you had to bite down on your hand not to scream out Nayeon’s name. The amount of pleasure you were receiving was indescribable.

"P-please Nayeon" you whisper-yelled at her.

"You're not allowed to cum until I tell you, sweetheart. It'll be better in the end." Nayeon said as she continued to eat you out. You could almost feel the smirk against you as your back continued to arch and moans continued to spill out of your mouth.

"Play with your breasts, Y/N." She commanded before her fingers and her tongue switched places. You moved your left hand that had been white from gripping the sheet so hard to your left breast, kneading it as Nayeon had done before, although your hands were not as big as hers. Nayeon's tongue began to flick against your clit as her fingers started to poke and prod at your entrance, making you start to beg for her.

"N-Nayeon please." You never thought that you would stoop low enough to beg for something, but here you were and you didn't regret it. When you spoke, Nayeon slowly moved two long fingers into you, letting you get used to them before she started to pump them in and out. Once you got used to the speed, you started to move your hips in rhythm with Nayeon’s fingers. Within a couple of minutes, you could feel yourself getting closer to the edge, your core clenching around her fingers.

"I-I'm close, Nayeon." You moaned.

"Not yet." She smirked.

You whined as Nayeon pumped her long fingers quicker, making it a lot harder to hold in your impending orgasm.

"P-please Nayeon. I d-don't think I can h-hold it in anymore." You begged again.

"Cum for me, princess." You almost yelled as Nayeon said those words, finally feeling the release you'd been wanting. Your legs shook violently as your hips bucked against Nayeon’s fingers. She made sure she didn't let any of your cum go to waste, swallowing it all. Your whole body trembled as Nayeon started to slow down her fingers and her tongue, letting you come down from your high. You laid there panting as Nayeon grabbed the sheet again, laying it on top of you.

"How do you feel?" Nayeon asked you, a slight smirk visible on her face,

"Better. More relaxed." You breathed out, still out of breath from the mind-blowing orgasm that happened mere minutes ago.

"Glad I could help. I'll leave you to get dressed." Nayeon smiled as she left the room.

★・・・・・・★

As you went to get off the table, your legs gave out from underneath you, causing you to grab onto the table for stability. You quietly laughed at yourself. "She really did me good, didn't she?" As you get dressed, you glanced under the sheet Nayeon had placed on you and notice the dark spot where your cum had seeped onto the sheets. You’d have to apologize for the mess. As walked out of the room and went back into the main lobby, you saw Nayeon standing behind the counter with a bottle of water in her hand.

"Here, thought you might need this. Your throat might be dry from all that moaning." She whispered the last part, laughing as she saw the blush that crept onto your face.

"T-thanks. I’m sorry about the -uh- mess in there" you smiled shyly at her.

Nayeon smirked before opening the computer. "It’s no problem. I’ll keep them for your next visit.” You gasped while she just giggled and continued. “Speaking of which, when would you like to set up your next appointment?"

[rj-anderson]

It's quite a thing to adjust to being back on eldercare duty 9-12 hours a day, every day [1], which is pretty close to how my life was five years ago right before my dad's needs became so overwhelming that we had to transfer him to a nursing home. [2]

Except my dad's weaknesses were mostly physical — mentally he was quite sharp for a nearly 95-year-old — and back then my mom was well enough to keep him company, do the cleaning and laundry, and make meals for him so I could focus on managing his home care (and all the phone calls and paperwork that involved), helping him in and out of bed for naps, and wheeling him to and from the washroom as needed. Even if it was a lot of work, I wasn't doing ALL the work, and I could go for a walk in the woods or run a few errands without worrying (much) that Bad Things would happen in my absence. My mom, though, is physically in decent shape for 92, apart from her Meniere's Disease (aka chronic vertigo). But over the past year she's been increasingly losing her executive function and ability to retain recent memories. She's starting to leave her essential items like hearing aids and glasses in odd places around the house, and getting distressed when she can't find them.

Most tasks that used to be routine for Mom are beyond her now, and even writing down the steps for her doesn't help. She either forgets to look at the instructions, or she's too confused to follow them. Even answering the phone is a challenge these days, because if she can't hear the caller right away (which she usually can't, despite the volume enhancement) she starts pressing buttons at random and hangs up on them more often than not.

So for the past three months I've been running downstairs every hour or two all day to give my mom her medications, make her lunch and dinner, do her laundry, take her for her daily walk, answer her phone, turn on the TV for her, shepherd her through her nightly bedtime routine, and reassure her when she's worried about something she can't remember. It takes up a big chunk of every day in addition to my own family and church responsibilities (neither of which I want to give up or think I should). And that's assuming Mom doesn't have one of her out-of-the-blue excruciating nerve pain attacks, a fairly new development which involves a whole other level of care and leave us both exhausted for a day or more afterward. [3]

But the hardest part is that I can't leave the house now, even for a short time, without hiring a professional caregiver or recruiting a family member to take my place. My mom no longer remembers how to phone me in a crisis, and is unable to take any of her needed vertigo or pain medications on her own. If someone isn't right there to help, Bad Things will most definitely happen at some point, and more likely sooner than later.

Worse, I have no sisters, only brothers, all of whom live hours away. And as my Mom's need for care becomes increasingly specialized and personal, they're less and less equipped -- or suitable, from a woman's point of view -- to help her for more than a few hours at a time. And if Mom has one of her out-of-the-blue pain attacks, they aren't trained to give her the injection she needs. [4] So they'd have to give her oral meds and watch her suffer for 30-45 minutes before the pills kick in �� and having gone through that myself several times now, I wouldn't wish the experience on my worst enemy. Or put my Mom through that much pain again, if I can help it.

But she's not in pain, or sick with vertigo, all the time. In fact, she can go for days or weeks without an attack. She's able to move about freely with her walker, chat with visiting helpers and family, stroke our two cats and enjoy looking out the back window at our yard. She looks forward to the meals I make for her and exclaims over how tasty and nourishing they are. She's lived in my basement for 20 years now, so everything is familiar and comforting. And right now, she's as safe here as she could be anywhere. The idea of transferring her to a care home even if there was a bed available (which there isn't — the waiting list in this area is 3-5 years for 24-hour nursing care and 10 years for assisted living) just doesn't seem to make sense, or be anything but cruel to her. And while there are some places that offer overnight respite care for up to a week, they only do that for clients enrolled in their adult day programs — which my mom can't attend because of her complex and unpredictable symptoms.

So I don't know when I'll ever get another vacation. I certainly can't take any overnight trips, or even day trips, right now. Unless I hire a registered nurse to stay with Mom the whole time I'm gone, and pay her hundreds of dollars to do it.

I don't really know why I'm writing this, except to get it off my chest. I love my Mom and I want to do my best for her. I'm thankful that despite her physical and mental health issues she is a loving, grateful and overall very obliging person to care for. She thanks and praises me for everything I do to help her, and apologizes for taking up so much of my time. I know she never wanted to put me in this position any more than I want to be in it.

But it's hard. It's really, really hard. And I wish I knew how long this is going to go on.

-- [1] Not counting the occasional calls in the middle of the night, which I hope will be fewer now that I've moved the call bell to keep my mom from knocking it by accident.

[2] Dad passed in early 2020, just before the pandemic. I'm still thanking God daily for that timing because I can't even imagine what it would have been like trying to visit him in lockdown.

[3] We've been to the hospital and our family doctor multiple times about this. Nobody can figure out why it's happening or how to stop it. We're supposed to get a CT scan at some point, which I hope will give us some more answers, but that could be weeks or months away.

[4] I myself was only trained a few days ago, and without any medical background or experience, I'm far from confident about it. Not even sure how well it's going to work, but something has to.

[nyrasbloodyclover]

hypnotic (kai anderson x reader)

cw: breeding kink, eating disorder (it's really really bad), mommy issues, mentions of suicide, parental abuse, cults, kai is his own warning really, murder, overstimulation

a/n: if you're not into this pleaseeeee leaveeeeee i don't want tumblr to delete my blog again. also you can read this fic on ao3 if you'd like, link is in my pinned post. and if, by any chance, you relate to this i am so sorry.

What I wanted right now, was to get out of my house, go anywhere, just so I could stop listening to constant fighting and screaming from my parents. I couldn't bear it anymore. I had one year until college but it seemed impossible to survive that long. 

"Oh, look who locked herself in her room!" My mother bursted in and a pit started forming in my stomach. I didn't move. "When are you going to start being useful? You're in here all the time, you could start paying rent." 

Now, what was I supposed to say to that? If I told her that the reason I spent all my time in my room was because they wouldn't stop screaming at each other and I would just be their punching bag, she wouldn't listen and the situation would only get worse.

"Or maybe it's time for you to find a job. Now you're just living like a parasite." I stared. My mother was a very complex character. I think she would be capable of pulling Gone Girl on us. She has the mentality. Just saying.

My father on the other hand, he's weak. Or she made him weak. I don't remember the last time he stood up for himself. He's tired, I can see that clearly. I just wish they would get a divorce. It's so draining to wake up everyday and live in fear that your every move is going to be a mistake, something to criticize. 

I don't remember the last time I felt truly at peace, but I could afford myself distractions. That's how I ended up scrolling through Tumblr 12 hours per day and forgetting to eat because the skinny girls I came across were just so pretty. Food was my enemy. We couldn't stand each other. And the guilt simply because of eating was the worst feeling ever.

Empty is pretty. And I wanted to look pretty, so I starved. It was my sport. It still is. The joy of seeing my hipbones and ribs after some time was indescribable. I loved to lay awake at night and touch my bones, feel them as I tried to fall asleep. Of course, there were many times when I just couldn't take it anymore and I binged. I would regret it immediately and restrict even more.

"Alright. I'll find a job." I stared at her with empty eyes. I was dizzy, almost like I got drunk. She exited the room and slammed the doors behing her. I think I'm never going to fully understand her.

I stared at my ceiling, having no energy to move, even though I had unfinished assignments hanging above my head, screaming at me to do them, but I just wanted to sleep. School can wait. I think my red lipstick was smudged, but I had no energy to take it off. My hair was a mess, too. I tried to straighten it but my natural waves were too stubborn. I fell asleep.

A week passed. My life stayed the same except for my new job at the restaurant—The Butchery On Main.

The two sweet women who own it were kind enough to let me work even though they don't employ people under eighteen. I worked mostly after my school, until the closing. I didn't mind since I got to leave the house and get a break from my parents. 

People were nice, I took their orders, served their food. The restuarant was mostly empty during my shifts, but nonetheless it was almost hard, working with food. All those calories around me made me want to puke. And I wasn't much of a puker. I had the urge to binge. It was disgusting. But I wasn't going to throw all my work out of the window just like that. 

I had my diet coke and if I got hungry Ivy said that I could eat whatever I wanted, and I wanted cucumber. With pepper. They had those.

Today, I had much free time so I was just sitting at one of the tables and doing my homework while scrolling through Tumblr and eating freshly peeled cucumber with some seasoning on top. I was thriving. I was almost happy. It seemed impossible.

The door opened. A man walked in. He was dressed in black from head to toe and what stood out the most was his blue hair with grown out roots. He walked like he owned the building and everyone in it. I immediately stood up, while he was pulling out his chair, fixing my uniform. I let him read through the menu for a couple of seconds and then decided to approach.

"What would you like to order?" I smiled. I was nice. I am always nice. Why hasn't he looked at me yet? Why is he ignoring my presence? His head was bowed down until he raised it and I was met with black pools that stared at me, or rather through me. I felt dizzy and it wasn't the diet.

"Surprise me," he cocked his head, "I would love to see what you liberals like to eat the most. Maybe it'll make me change my political views."

"Al..right," I dragged on, "Is that all?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Everything will be done in a minute." I wanted to get away from him, as soon as possible. He was probably some Trump obsessed republican who's most likely to tell me to make him a sandwich. Which I am practically doing right now. But I couldn't deny it - He had a beautiful face. I wouldn't consider him that attractive if it weren't for his dead, piercing eyes that silently commanded you to obey every one of his rules. 

The food was ready. I had a feeling I would fall on my face next time I locked my eyes with his, which wasn't good. I didn't even know his name! Rachel, one of the cooks, handed me the best steak they had, house's special, "Who is it for?"

I didn't dare look at him. "The one with the blue hair. Just please don't stare. He's creeping me out."

Her eyes went wide, "That's Kai Anderson."

I looked at her blandly. The name didn't mean anything to me.

"You seriously need to watch more television."

"I'm fine, thanks. And if he's some menatlly deranged politician, then I'm not really missing out."

All the politics drained me, and don't get me wrong, I loved to be informed, but when I had to argue with someone about basic human rights, I'd rather not know anything.

I walked over to his table, and put the food on it. "I hope you're not vegan. Either way, enjoy your food." I kept my eyes everywhere, just not on him. He was so unsettling. I had to get away.

"I certainly will," he said and I walked away without a second glance. Jesus Christ, his mere presence was intense.

My shift ended in half an hour and that's when the restaurant was supposed to close. Ivy left early because of some family emergency, so she asked me to close and lock everything for her. I changed into my regular clothes—denim skirt and a white button down with my favorite black sweater, docs and a pair of knee socks. I untangled my hair and tried to brush it out with my fingers.

The tables were empty. Well, mostly. So-called Kai Anderson was still here, not even eating, just looking at some papers and flipping them over, for a while now.

I needed some extra balls to approach him and ask him to leave. Why did I accept to be the last one here? I could've been home by now, sleeping or watching a sitcom, but instead I'm stuck in this building with the strangest and the scariest man I've ever met. But then again, If I were home, my mother would be screaming at me. So I guess it's a win? Also I had to thank Kai for occupying my mind and not letting me think about food. I seriously needed to go to bed before I ended up eating something. Or worse- binging. I think I had less than 200 calories today which is a sign that I am slowly approaching danger zone. It isn't a diet anymore. I can't eat normally. I thought I could go back, but I guess my body won't let me. Or was it my mind?

"Miss?" Someone waved before my eyes.

"Yes? Sorry." Kai was standing beside the table that I occupied. 

"Are you closing soon?"

Should I lie? But then again, he isn't stupid. "Yes. Do you want to pay?"

"Oh no. I already did. I just wondered what occupied your mind that much." He had no idea.

"Nothing much. Just tired I guess. Can't seem to balance school and work."

"Ah. You see," he sat across me, "I don't believe you."

"Okay? I didn't try to be persuasive."

He smirked. Dear God, why was he so creepy but so hot at the same time?

"I still want to know what made you zone out for that long." Has he been staring at me the whole time?

"That's creepy. I don't even know you."

"What's that got to do with anything? I just asked you to tell me what's been botherung you. You looked fucking stressed."

"It really doesn't matter." I just wanted him to leave. 

"Wait. Here, I'll give you..." he reached into his  back pocket, "Fifty bucks if you tell me."

My lips curved. Come on, you can't blame me. Extra cash at my age isn't something you just don't accept.

"Ah! I knew it," he smiled, "Come on, doll, speak."

"It isn't anything interesting. My mom is just being a bitch, nothing unusual." I gave him the least I could and snatched the cash from his hand.

"She isn't letting you sleep over at your boyfriend's or something?" He laughed like I had the dumbest reason for not liking my mother.

"Not really. She just...Wants too much, I guess? And I'm not able to give her that." It felt weird saying that out loud. I think I never said it.

He stared at me for a second.

"I want to show you a trick." He put his right hand on the table. "Don't worry. It's something me and my older brother always used to do when we were little."

He reached with his pinky finger over to my hand. We locked fingers like we were making a pinky promise. 

"This is weird. And please hurry. My shift ends in fifteen minutes." 

"We have enough time. Okay, listen. Pinky power. Once the skin contact is made, no lies can be told and whatever we say, stays between us," he narrowed his black eyes, "Trust me, if you lie, I will know. Ready?"

When did I agree to this? Well, fuck it, I'll do it anyway.

"Do you love your family?" He asked, his expression serious.

"Yes." His mouth twitched.

"Do you like your family?"

"Absolutely not." I shook my head.

"Why is that?" 

How do I explain this to him without sounding like a total maniac? "My father is weak, he doesn't know how to stand up for himself. And my mother screams at me for merely existing. Her favorite hobby is emotionally draining me, then pulling my hair or slapping me because she feels like it. She regrets having me. I think she wants me to kill myself. It would be easier to have a dead daughter." My mind went blank. I felt nothing in that moment. Whatever he asked, I was going to tell him.

"Did you ever try to kill yourself?," he asked with a flat voice.

I thought for a second. Should I tell him the whole truth? He said he's going to know if I lie, but that doesn't mean...

"Don't think too much." His eyes went dark while I was literally choking under pressure of his gaze.

"No. I was never suicidal. I like living. But I..." words were stuck in my throat, "I...Sometimes, she would starve me. Saying I didn't deserve it. I had no money to buy something to eat. So I made a game out of it. I developed a disorder. It was the only thing I had some control over. I started it out of spite, but now it's real. It's worse than ever. But I don't want to stop."

His expression never changed. Not once. "Do you hate your mother for that?"

"You have no idea."

"I think I do have some idea about hating one of your parents. So, from experience, I need to ask you one more question."

I nodded. "Have you ever dreamt about killing her?"

I wanted to pull back from him, but his hand wouldn't let me. He pulled me even closer. "We can't break the contact," he gritted through his teeth.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry," I exhaled, "Yes. And no."

"Elaborate." 

The restuarant was silent. I couldn't even hear the sound of cars outside. Lights were practically out. 

"I...I wanted her dead. But I don't think I would be able to do it. I had a," I inhaled, "A fantasy about someone killing her while I watched. It's so fucked up, but I just couldn't help it. It brought me relief that she was gone and someone cared enough to get rid of her for me." 

I was scared to look at him. He was going to call the mental ward and lock me there. I was fucked. Why did I tell him all of that? 

I looked up.

He was smiling. It wasn't a sympathetic smile, or a sad smile, or anything similar to that. He was grinning like a maniac. He released my hand and I realized my eyes were filled with tears. I blinked them away. 

He shook his head with closed eyes, "You're perfect. Perfect."

My voice was low, weak. "What? How could you think that after what I just told you?"

"Don't ask too many questions. I have a solution for you because I know you're destined for greater things. Tell me, do you wish to never be under your mother's thumb again?"

"I mean, yes? That's going to be when I turn eighteen, so I have to be patient."

He laughed. "Oh, no, baby, no. She's never going to let you go. She'll suffocate you until there is nothing left but a shell. No matter the age or what the law says, you'll always be controlled. While she's alive, at least."

"What are you saying?"

"Do you want my help? Do you wish to be finally free?"

This was so fucked up. I never met this man in my life. Why was he offering me help?

"What's in it for you?"

He cocked his head, "I get to keep you by my side."

My mouth was dry. I was scared, but...excited. Thrill rushed down my body as this psychopath was staring at me, offering me a sick escape. I was supposed to say no. I was supposed to save my soul.

"Yes."

"Yes, what?"

"I want your help."

He looked so happy, it made me happy.

"Good. Then, we're leaving now." I was hypnotized by him. I just nodded, not asking where or why, my mother taught me I shouldn't get in the cars with strangers, especially men, but my mother was also the reason for many of my problems. I'll do something that'll piss her off.

I got into Kai's car and shut the door. I was okay with the fact that he might end up killing me.

He said nothing for the most of the ride, but I noticed him glancing over at my skirt that rose up to my thighs. I didn't bother pulling it down. I mean, I wore mini skirts for a reason, right?

I pretended not to notice as I looked at my reflection in the closed window. Hollow cheeks, red lipstick, pale face. I was obsessed. I always wanted to look like a corpse with make up. My face was perfect, lipstick untouched, mascara a little smudged, dark circles under my eyes from sleepless nights. 

"You know you could eat a burger." I looked at him. I almost wanted to hug him. His words made me feel proud, like I achieved something big. And I guess I did.

"Really? Do you know that you're the first person ever to tell me that?" I felt weird happiness in my chest. 

"Well, yeah. Why do you look so surprised? I didn't mean it as a compliment. You have a problem. I'm not even sure it's supposed to be a compliment." He frowned, not taking his eyes off the road.

"It doesn't matter if it's supposed to be a compliment or not. Thank you for saying it." I didn't give two fucks if he thought I was some anorexic lunatic that needed years of therapy. I was happy. And he wasn't my parent or my guardian to tell me what to do.

"Just think about it. What's the point of being so skinny? It's not even attractive."

"The point is in being clean. I don't want to see a pound of fat on my body. It's disgusting. And I am to do with my body as I please. I don't give a fuck if someone likes to eat like a fucking pig because It's not my body, and certainly not my problem." I was so angry. Who the fuck he thought he was?

"Just saying. You look sick. And I mean really, really sick."

"I am aware. Like I'm also aware that I'm fucked in the head. And that's the reason for all of this," I gestured over my figure. 

I could feel his anger. He didn't like that I disagreed with him and stood up for myself, even if I was wrong.

"We're here." He suddenly said, getting out of the car. I followed him into the house I guessed was his. The whole neighborhood was silent. Lights were off everywhere. 

We got into his house and I didn't even got to see it clearly because he practically dragged me into his basement and started changing. He put on a black leather coat while looking for something. His phone? He called someone.

"I'm expecting you'll be here in five? Well don't try to make up excuses. This is a perfect opportunity. I don't care— No, drag yourself and your pathetic wife here." He called two more people and I just stood in the middle of the room staring at him. 

"What's your adress?" Was he really doing that now? "You know what, never mind. I found it." I wasn't going to ask him how. He looked like the person who instead of Instagram browsed dark web. 

"Okay, let's go. They're here." I had to ask him because he said nothing about it. I had to be sure.

"Why are we going to my house?"

Beat. A moment. "To kill your mother, of course."

There were other people with us, but I couldn't see their faces because of the creepy clown masks. Kai had one too. I felt like I was drugged. I didn't know what happened to me. I suppose I had enough. I know Kai is not the answer for my problems, at least not all of them. He's going to get rid of her and then what? No. Stop thinking. 

I listened to my brain this time. It was late. My parents were probably asleep. Probably in separate beds. It's going to be easier for Kai and the others to do the job. They kept their mouths shut and I didn't blame them. I still wasn't sure if I was part of this sick cult or whatever it was. I read enough about them to recognize a cult leader when I see one. 

The car suddenly stopped. We were in front of my house.

"This played out so good, little lamb. I knew you were perfect." Kai's voice was muffled under that mask and his words made my heart flutter. He was so sick. "Don't just stand there, baby. Be a good host. Invite us in. Come on," he gestured with one gloved hand towards my house. I felt everyone's eyes on me as I turned my back and started walking towards the door. What did he mean by this playing out good? Did he plan this before? It certainly did not matter.

We got in, doors creaking, but not enough to wake anyone up. My father was downstairs, in the guestroom, but my Satanic mother was in their bedroom. I went first, up the stairs, one by one, they followed me, Kai first, then the rest of them. 

I showed them the doors. 

Kai got in and they followed him. I shut the door behind me. I felt like I was seeing things through someone else's eyes. I didn't feel guilt and I wasn't regretting my decision. I remember everything through a coat of blur. Knives, a lot of them. They killed her in her sleep. Stabbed her too many times, I lost count. Sheets were soaked with red and the room started smelling like iron too. Kai used her blood to draw some sign on the wall that was facing the bed. It looked like a smiley face, but I wasn't sure. The job was done. I was free. I was free of any charges, since I wasn't home when it happened. I was going to sleep in my bed and wake up in the morning, shocked, petrified, screaming for help, calling the police, my father is going to be terrified too, but relieved. He would never admit it thought. 

We were in the car again. Then in front of Kai's house. "Leave. I want some time alone with our newest member."

"Kai, no. You can't drag her into this. She's just a child—" A feminine voice scorned him under her mask.

"Don't tell me what to do, Winter. Now leave," he raised his voice and I flinched. "We have much to talk about." He took off his mask and smiled knowingly at me. I wasn't scared of him anymore, though I knew I should be. He killed my mother for Christ's sake! 

We went into his basement again. The lights were already on and I watched him as he took off his mask and black coat. His shirt was soaked with my mother's blood. 

"What did you want to talk about?" I cocked my head.

"You were so good. I knew you could do it. Next time, maybe you'll even be the one holding the knife. You didn't even flinch!" He paced through the room and laughed, like he was talking to himself.

"You didn't do this for me, did you?"

He stopped, then looked at me, "I already told you. This played out perfectly. And I've been watching for quite some time now," his eyes darkened "When I found out that the woman who's been talking shit about me over her social media had a daughter, I had to see if she was as bitchy as her mother." Oh, so he did this to save his reputation. Of course.

"And," I swallowed, "Is she?"

He didn't answer me. Instead he marched to the other side of the room and pushed me against the wall, slamming his lips on mine. I was out of breath, not being able to process everything. Oh my god, he was kissing me! This insane, sick in the head, narcissistic, 30-something, psychopath was kissing me and I opened my mouth to him like the whore I was. I wanted him to touch me. No, I needed his blood stained hands on me right now. 

I pulled one of his hands and put it on my chest as his tongue continued to explore my mouth. He took off my sweater and shirt. I was left in a black bra and skirt.

"Aren't you scared of being arrested for fucking a minor?"

"I commited far more monstrous crimes than fucking a seventeen year old and you know it, " he breathed into my mouth. Red lipstick was smudged over his lips. His hand that was on my chest slipped under my skirt and found my panties. 

"You know it," his fingers entered me with ease, "And yet, you're still so fucking wet for me." My mouth fell open as he buried his fingers deeper if that was even possible. I wasn't a virgin, but then again, I've never been with a man. I took my own virginity so that I didn't have to bother. 

"Kai—" I breathed. I needed more.

He sat on one of the chairs beside the circular table and pulled me onto his lap, his thigh between my legs. My clit was aching for some king of friction so I started rubbing myself against the rough fabric of his jeans. 

"Aren't you desperate?" He pushed me on the floor, between his legs, he pulled out his belt and unzipped his pants. His intentions were clear and I was happy to oblige, but I had to touch myself or I'd go insane. I started stroking his already hard dick and rubbing my clit at the same time. 

He noticed. And he wasn't happy about it. "I thought you were going to be patient. But I guess not." He took his belt and with one move he tied my hands behind my back while I was still kneeling in front of him.

"Please, I just need to—"

"Yes, yes, I know, but you have to deserve it. Am I right?"

I nodded hesitantly and he scooped up my hair in his fist and used it to pull my head down. I took him into my mouth as the wetness and ache grew between my legs. 

Kai continued to pull my head down until his tip hit the back of my throat and I gagged. He chuckled.

My eyes teared up as I sucked his dick like my life depended on it.

He grunted and raised his hips, so I knew he was close. And I knew he was going to either come in my mouth or...

He pulled out and finished on my tits, painting my chest with his cum. 

"You were so good," he said with his head tilted back and eyes closed. He let my hair fall down my back and over my face. Kai dressed and got up, then pulled me with him, still tied.

He slammed me on the desk and I was able to just lay there and let him do whatever he wanted to me. Not that I minded.

"I feel like I'm going to break you," he said as he traced my very visible ribs with the tips of his fingers. "Break every bone in your body." 

I could feel my stomach sinking in and his words made me even a bigger mess than I already was. "Do it, please, please," I cried out as my hips rose towards him. 

"Since you asked so nicely...And the skirt stays on. Do you know how much willpower it took me not to bury my hand under your skirt and make you beg for more while we were driving?" He pulled my skirt up and didn't even bother to take off the panties, he just ripped them. He towered over me as I layed on his table, feeling the cool air on my swollen clit. 

Kai's fingers went over my aching pussy and my back arched towards his touch. He did nothing for a split second and then came the first slap. I yelped as the burning spread between my legs, but I didn't tell him to stop. He slapped me even harder and I cried out, most ungodly sounds coming from my mouth.

"Don't worry, you can scream as loud as you'd like."

He slapped my dripping cunt once more and after that I was sure I was going to feel his hands on me days after. He didn't wait for me to recover from his brutality, instead he buried two fingers inside me and started scissoring, wanting to spread me even wider. I threw my head back as he added one more. He buried them knuckle deep inside me and began curling them.

"I feel like you're a big girl. You can take one more." He didn't wait for my agreement. His four fingers were inside, making my pussy burn with pleasure. I wasn't able to form words. He spat on me and started massaging my clit while almost his whole hand was thrusting in and out of me. I felt pressure deep in my lower stomach and started panting and moaning for him to continue, but he did exactly the opposite. 

My cunt was left empty without his fingers and I could almost cry. I just needed a bit more.

"Don't look so upset. I'm not finished with you." 

Kai untied me and took his belt. He spread my legs as wide as he could and started spanking my pussy with it. I screamed more in pain than surprise, "Kai, no, stop, please stop-"

The pain was unbearable, but it was just enough  for my clit to start pulsing more and that pressure in my belly to grow. I screamed in pain as he continued to hit me with no mercy. I could feel my walls clenching and my back arched as I came undone. Orgasm hit me and I came down from my high, but Kai didn't stop. 

He started rubbing my abused cunt, overstimulating it. He was deaf to my begging and crying. It was too much. There was no pleasure anymore, just pure pain, but he continued to massage it and after a couple of minutes I was shaking with another orgasm. I knew I was too sensitive, but when I tried to close my legs, he stopped me. Then I noticed his rock hard dick under his jeans and my heart dropped. I was going to pass out. He was going to use me, not caring for my pleasure anymore.

"Just hold still a little more, doll." He pulled his dick out and slammed himself inside me, making my eyes roll to the back of my head. Everything hurt, but he didn't care. His thrusts were fast and rough, I couldn't keep up. I could feel his orgasm building and he had no intention of pulling out. Kai continued to slam into me until he reached his peak. He filled me with his seed and when he finally pulled out I could feel it dripping from my pussy.

Kai helped me get up and as he was untying his belt, his hot breath was on my neck. "Welcome to the cult, baby."

[tonkatsubowl]

coffee beans.

blade x trailblazer!fem!reader sfw themes (some cursing ig). read at your own risk. english isn’t my first language, so please don’t mind the grammatical errors. (っ◞‸◟ c)

⪩ our beloved trailblazer and blade meet up at a cafe behind everyone's backs. a little secret date.

TERM DIRECTORY ◖y/n: your name ◖e/c: eye color ◖h/c: hair color

one thing you always ask yourself on the daily is...

am i a bad person?

you were a pure person at heart, being a trailblazer and all. you were sent out to different worlds and universes under the command of himeko and welt to save them and to learn more about yourself. and never once had you done anything ill-intended. you probably did some trolling here and there, but you never once did anything that was truly evil...or anything that's remotely considered as evil. you ask yourself that because you are in a relationship with blade. the man that is the archrival to dan heng, and the enemy to the astral express.

how you got here was a different story; how you fell in love, how you and blade were able to establish a relationship somehow, yet you both were considered enemies. you always told yourself that it wouldn't work out because of his association and the team that you practically live and die for.

but, in a way, kafka was getting suspicious, or she knew of it, rather. knowing kafka, she did things that she believed were best for her own sake...and perhaps yours. maybe that is why she is never truly involved in trying to separate both you and blade, but you knew if the astral express team found out, you would most likely be...well, doubted. feared. and yet, blade tells you not to worry, and if they had touched you, he would kill them all.

the worst part about that is that he was serious. dead serious.

but you sigh, looking down to your favorite drink that you ordered in a cafe located in belobog. you and blade (mostly you) decided to meet up here in the cafe for a date. you told the astral express team that you wanted to take some time away for yourself and to just relax...and also, you had some personal duties to attend you. of course, they respected your privacy.

and now here you are, trying to stop yourself from overthinking about everything. you wanted to physically slap yourself in the face to just stop these thoughts. stop overthinking so much, y/n. everything will be fine.

"overthinking again, are you?"

a familiar voice snaps you out of your own inner prison, saving from the turmoil that you would suffer from at night. your eyes dart towards the direction of the voice, feeling your shoulders relax and your body easing itself when you see the love of your life. he walks over to you, placing a hand on top of your head, his fingers gently caressing through your scalp.

"ah-" you began, "i...i guess." you murmured, looking down to the drink that blade had ordered. a black coffee, you would assume. he wasn't much of a coffee drinker, and adored tea. but when it came to you, he would want to try something similar to what you drank...but nothing too sugary. but blade can read you like an open book. if you seemed stressed, tired, sad, angry...or anything, he can read you. and he would be there for you to the best of his abilities.

he raised a brow, looking down at the drink that was in between your hands. retracting his arm from your head, he sits across from you, looking a bit sour.

"you bought a drink? you need to stop doing that and at least wait for me to buy you one," he murmurs, a quiet sigh leaving his lips, "now i really know that you are overthinking, y/n."

you huff, "look, i don't want you to spend money on me."

"too bad."

well, you couldn't exactly fight against blade's wishes. if he wanted to spoil you, he will do so regardless or not you like it.

"what are you overthinking about anyway? same stuff?" he would say, taking a sip from his black coffee.

"well...yeah." you say, slumping back against your seat.

"i'm telling you. i don't give a damn if they find out. if they hurt you because of it, then it only gives me another reason to put their hands on a silver platter. do you understand that, flower?"

and he wasn't wrong. he would hurt them. he would maul them. even if you didn't want him to do it, he would do anything in his power to ensure your safety and to kill those who try to harm you. the man is extremely protective of you, after all. never once had he shown this side to anyone else but you. you were special...and you were his. a man's treasure, pride and joy should never be touched.

you were silent, looking down to the latte heart of a cat that was destroyed from you sipping at the mug. now it was just an awkward foam that is sitting on top of the surface, staring up at you in its own shame and disgust from ruining its art.

you hear a sigh from blade as he sips once again from his black coffee, eyeing at you carefully. "anywho, i saw your 'adorable' little wanted poster here in belobog. at the walls."

he changed the subject, and that's when you smiled a bit, laughing softly to yourself. yeah, when you, dan heng and march first got here...you were chased by the silvermane knights, causing you three to get a silly portrait of wanted posters. it was quite funny, and adorable.

and best of all, blade loved hearing you laugh. but he would never admit it.

"they gave you a big nose for no reason," he said, his lips tugging to a faint smirk, "and they messed your hair up. makes me wonder if my wanted portraits are drawn by little brats, too."

your smile widens a bit, "i don't think i've ever seen a wanted poster with your face on it, but i hope you're way uglier than me in those," you tease, "maybe i should draw one and slap it here too..." then you pause, realizing you should add, "ah, right...i think they forgot to take those down. they cancelled the bounty and everything on my head after i helped this world."

"they better." his tone stiffened, freezing itself, almost threateningly.

one thing you loved about blade is that he was very protective of you. a man capable of destroying worlds and universes on his own would make anyone feel safe if he decided to ally up with you. but it was a little scary at times. but you couldn't help but admire his strength and dedication to you, anyway.

"...u-um," you began, "do you... want to go on a walk? well, i mean it's...cold outside."

blade nodded his head, standing up. he crushed the empty plastic cup in his hand, tossing it into a nearby trash can. unfortunately, you had a glass mug, so you couldn't exactly just...toss it. instead, you would leave it on the table for the baristas in the cafe to pick up.

"cold, hot. doesn't matter to me."

as long as he's with you, it didn't matter.

hiding your smile, you got up, shyly inching your hand towards his. he looked at you with a mildly puzzled look, watching as your fingers playfully inch at his own. then, he would take your hand with a sigh, looking away as he began to lead you outside of the cafe.

being hit with a cold, wintry breeze was something you would never get used to. but it seems blade was already used to fighting under extreme weathers and temperatures. the man was a killing machine, after all. a machine that was adjusted to many environments, worlds, its laws and more. you would cling to his side, holding his arm for warmth. the scent of his herbal cologne, the warm that protruded from his limb...everything about him was just so perfect. you felt so safe. you felt so...at peace.

the two of you were walking in silence, basking in each other's presence. sometimes, you two didn't always need to talk but to just enjoy each other's companies. blade took you somewhere, anywhere in the city. you both watched as the snow began to fall, as it decorated your hair like little stars sprinkled throughout the night sky. you both would stop a little food trailers, being served hot and warm foods...and of course, blade would pay for all of it. he disliked you taking in charge of everything, after all. he would rather do everything for you.

night fell, and the man finally spoke, shattering the silence that you both shared amongst each other, "don't go home yet."

you blink, your eyes darting to him with confusion and surprise. his eyes soften as he looked towards you, admiring the snowfall as he observed the beauty that was laid before him.

"give them excuse. that you're too tired to leave. stay the night here. i'll buy an inn room."

you blink. what was with this sudden change of behavior? retrieving your phone from your pocket, you look at blade with wide, curious and surprised eyes. you weren't against it, so you sent a text to the groupchat that was shared between you, dan heng, march, himeko and welt.

➜ y/n: hey, i'm a little exhausted from running errands here... i think i'll stay here for the night and come back to the express. zzz

➜ march: huh?? damn, what have you been doing?

➜ y/n: enough for my legs to scream at me

➜ welt: i'm not surprised, considering every world we go, you're always running errands. feel free to rest for the night over there. let us know if you need anything.

➜ himeko: oh geez. learn to say no to these errands sometimes, okay? you need to have some time for yourself.

➜ dan heng: rest up, y/n.

to your relief, you gave a nod to blade, assuring him that you would stay the night here in belobog. but one thing that concerned you was...

"what about kafka and silver wolf? wouldn't you need-"

"don't worry about them. they already know not to disturb me for a bit."

you blinked, letting blade rest a hand on your shoulder as he gestured you to the direction of the inn building.

"come. let's get some rest."

the rest of the night was peaceful and loving. the two of you shared each other's warmth in harmony, snuggling up in each other's arms holding each other close. you would talk away at blade's ear as he sat there in silence, listening to every word that left your lips. he listened to every story, every rant that left you, and everything that you just wanted to talk about towards blade.

the one thing you loved about blade was that you can talk his ear out about anything, and he would always listen to you in silence, and speak his thought if it was needed. never once would he show disinterest towards you. he loved hearing you talk about your day.

finally, letting out the bundle of emotions had tired you out, as well as the fun you had today with your significant other. his arms were wrapped around your waist as your were deep asleep against his chest, quietly listening to his heart beat as he protected you from everything in the universe. aeons, the supernatural...nothing would be bold enough to face a man who was capable of annihilating it all. nothing would separate you both, and best of all...

...blade wouldn't want to let go of you, ever.

as you remained deep asleep against his chest, blade's eyes were still awake, thinking about situations, future decisions and other things related to your... no, to your and blade's future. unbeknownst to you, he would most likely have to plan to get rid of the astral express team if it meant to have you as his...and his only.

your presence was everything to him.

and nothing else would matter.

unexpected yandere tendency at the end oops ♡(>ᴗ•)

[genericpuff]

Hi! Maybe this is a difficult question with no answer, but as a fan of Rekindled who might want to start their own comic, what do you suggest to avoid burnout? Do you start wiht writting the script right away, you doodle a bit,..? Thanks for reading, I love how you draw big noses, makes me more comfy with mine!

no fr my dark secret is that i've been experiencing burnout with my main original project that I've spent the last decade working on for literally a year now. this isn't the first long hiatus i've taken, the longest one i've ever been on has lasted two years, and it's undoubtedly not the last i'll experience because the lump of salt and fat and tissue that is my brain often overworks itself into exhaustion like a big dummy

rekindled has been my reprieve from the burnout. it has been my vacation from years of working on the same project, meeting the same deadlines, drawing the same characters, over and over and over again since before i was in college.

if there's anything working on rekindled has made clear to me, it's that i'm still capable of drawing comics. the comic-making isn't the problem. it's just that when you work on the same project for years and trap yourself in an uphill battle, eventually your climbing gear is bound to break.

if there's another thing that rekindled has opened my eyes to, it's the insanity that i put myself through prior to rekindled that led to my burnout in the first place.

i get people telling me that they couldn't imagine doing what i do, that even before i had my assistant helping me out, i was still able to put out 30-40 panel updates every week.

but before that, i was putting out 70-90 panel episodes of my original work. every week. full color. full spread action scenes. no assistant. very little financial gain aside from a couple patrons on patreon and one dedicated viewer on twitch, which i was also streaming on 2-3 times a week.

and now that i've been working on rekindled and even finding myself often crunched for time with that, i have zero clue, no idea, a complete lack of comprehension of how i pulled off 70-90 panels a week for months on end. there's a reason it resulted in burnout and i know that now. this comparison is not for the sake of a flex - this comparison is to make it clear that much of what i do isn't the norm and isn't exactly a healthy standard. case in point, i sneezed while sweeping up yesterday morning and it caused a muscle strain in my lower back/hips and i've been working out of my bed since, i'm in a lot of pain and it might mean i don't make any money this week if it's not better by the time i have to do my appointments at my day job on thursday. my need to create my personal passion projects is often at odds with my bad habits of not taking care of myself 。゜゜(´Ｏ`) ゜゜。

when it comes to tackling burnout, your guess is as good as mine. really it just comes down to rest. when burnout - real, true burnout - hits, it's not just "man i'm bored of working on this", it's "i can't even think of looking at this thing let alone working on it", it's basically akin to depression and it's an awful thing that i wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy (even with Rachel, I don't want to psychoanalyze her mental health but it does seem like she's possibly been experiencing burnout with LO for years now and that really sucks for her if that's true). so the solution is just as complicated as the cause, it's not something that you can just rest from for a week and come back from, it takes real long-term healing.

when I found my way out of that 2 year hiatus, it was in spring of 2019 and I decided to just work on a random comic page that wasn't even in the comic I was working on. and then suddenly it was like a switch flicked back into the on position and i didn't even finish what i was working on, i just went back to my original project and i kept working on it until it was finally finished at the end of 2021. as suddenly and randomly as it had set in, it was gone. but i can't just do the same thing this time, it just doesn't work that way.

that said, through all this, i've learned that my need to create is not restricted to any one tangible thing, i'm not doomed or designed to stick with the same words, the same faces, the same ideas until the end of time. while i do try to keep up healthy routines for myself to ensure i'm looking out for my future self and their deadlines and their upload schedules, sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants. and in my case, the heart wanted to take a break from the self-reflective psychological analysis dark fantasy weebo stuff and just draw some pink and blue characters a little less ugly. the self-reflective weebo shit will still be there when i'm done with the pink and blue stuff, and i'll surely have loads of new things to unpack through it once i return.

there are still times when i'm working on rekindled and i'm feeling the creeping hand of my routine destruction digging its claws into my back. the reality is that 30-40 panels is still a lot for someone like myself who's doing this entirely for free, but my definition of normal for a while was so insanely inhumane that even what's still considered a lot by most people's standards feels sane and normal to me after what i put myself through.

i've learned to be more gentle with myself, and to loosen my own expectations of what i'm capable of to ensure i don't do anything like that to myself, by myself, again. i give myself room to create without expectations or the pressure of eyes watching when i can, and i remind myself that even if burnout rears its head again, and again, and again, the will to create is not gone. it's just tired, and resting, and growing, and healing as i am.

anyways that turned into a self-reflective essay post, to answer your question about making stuff ahead of time, i find that's more helpful with just like, planning out a structured story (so you don't write yourself into a corner) but whether or not it helps with burnout kind of depends. because it can just as also easily be the cause of the problem because constantly seeing the stuff you wanna be drawing so far away can be just as much of a morale killer as a motivator. some of the stuff i'm super psyched to write and draw with time gate is years away and that timeline grows longer the more the burnout goes on which makes the struggle feel even more overwhelming and pointless and defeating. so plan ahead, but keep it all within your means if you can. i find what works for me is planning out just general beat-to-beat plot structures (to ensure i at least have a plot skeleton going on so i know where i'm going) then i leave the finer details to when the actual episode i've planned gets closer to fruition and i can get myself in the headspace to write it fully.

also remember that just because you're really excited and motivated to work on your comic doesn't mean you should work yourself into exhaustion - it's a good thing if you're going through the mundane of your daily routine and the whole time you're hyped af to work on your hobby/personal project/etc. because that's what will keep you moving forward, so don't spend all that hype in one place by working and working and working until you're exhausted, because that hype is REALLY hard to get back after you've spent it all.

long post over! hope that helps! best of luck in your projects! ( ´ ∀ `)ノ～ ♡

[coeurcanelle]

☆Baby,the stars shine bright☆pt3

pt1,pt2, pt4,pt5

inspired by the 'kamikaze girls',♡ always had unconditional love for lolita fashion and nothing else but when she met ellie,an auburn haired girl whos part of a gang with a dad's fashion sense ,her love for clothes begins to compete with her growing feelings for ellie

strangers to friends to lovers,love-hate friendship,ellie is into reader♡ but reader♡ shows no interest (in the beginning),opposite aesthetics,early 2000s

wlw,fluff

wc:4k

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆

Her name is Ellie. She's been with her gang for a year now, and her favorite activity is driving through the city with her friends at night. She revealed she only has one parental figure, not her biological father but a father figure, which explains her taste in fashion.

Ellie somewhat resembles you more than your dad when you think about it. Both of you are the same age and spend most of your time doing things you enjoy, although she's more of a night owl while you're a morning person. Her favorite color is black, whereas yours is pink. She enjoys hanging out with people she bonds with, while you prefer solitude.

"Last Christmas with Joel, we decided to try decorating our house with cool lights, so we bought them and spent the evening displaying them all over the facade. We even got a little Santa with his reindeers and placed them on the roof. It looked really cool. But the next morning, everything was gone," Ellie admitted, implying she was just as reckless as you, but you disagreed.

"That's not just bad luck; you're just cursed."

Thieves weren't uncommon in the area, but catching them was difficult, as you were learning the hard way. That's why Ellie offered you a hand, claiming she had nothing else to do, although she felt bad for you. She didn't say it aloud, but she appreciated that you didn't accuse her of stealing your purse, and she would never forget that.

That is all you managed to get from her as you wandered around your isolated village looking for the thief that stole your purse.

You felt like a desperate mother searching for her lost child in the middle of nowhere. You could laugh at how desperate both you and Ellie looked, asking every single person you came across if they'd seen your precious item. But, with the luck you had, you were nowhere close to getting it back. Everyone gave you the same nerve-wracking answer: "sorry, I didn't see anything around, but if I do, I'll tell you right away".You were losing your patience by the minute, and Ellie could feel it.

"They all sound suspicious repeating the same thing",you sighed as you ranted. Yes, you were to blame, but no matter who it was, you were going to make them pay, a million times the price of your bag. There was no way you could let them get away with this.

"It's not like theyre actually going to say they stole it"

Both of you stopped walking, not only because you were tired but also because you had searched pretty much everywhere in this village. The clouds were hiding the sun, darkening the ground beneath, like your aura losing its brilliant colors and giving room to the darker ones brought by despair.

The only thing you could do was cry, but you were even too tired to shed tears. "I'm done."

Giving up was an option, but it wasn't part of Ellie's nature. "Maybe they don't live in this area."

"I dropped it in front of my house, and it's a small village in the middle of nowhere. How is it that out of nowhere, a thief popped up to get it?" Despite replaying this scene countless times, the lack of clues wasn't getting you anywhere. You started to wonder how someone could even do this to anyone; you wouldn't wish that upon your worst enemy.

It was just a purse, but you carried your wallet and your ID card with it!

It was becoming a serious matter

"maybe because thieves dont come out of nowhere, you're not thinking hard enough"

"are you saying I'm like a thief magnet or something ?"

ellie looked at you up and down not knowing if she was supposed to act surprise at your remark"how much did your purse even cost?"

she made you answer your own question confirming you were indeed a thief magnet,by dropping you purse you had actually dropped 5000 bucks on the ground !

who the hell puts that much money for a bag? Ellie thought

"that's not bad luck,you're just stupid," you could tell she had been restraining herself from saying this for so long, but you couldn't blame her.

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

One more thing you would have never guessed about Ellie is how intelligent she actually was.

The thought of taking the train to go to Tokyo to find anyone selling your precious item, where you can target a big crowd of people, hadn't crossed your mind until Ellie brought it up.

You assumed your brain was badly functioning from the lack of reward after working so hard to find the thief. You have been walking around for what seemed like a lifetime to find nothing but more exhaustion enveloping you.

It made you wonder how the freckled-faced girl in front of you looked still full of energy.

Maybe she was just excited to beat up someone; after all, it might be just another normal day for her.

Most of the time, you'd find yourself enlightened walking around Japan's capital city, but under those circumstances, your mood couldn't get any better.

"It kinda looks similar," Ellie pointed at a purse displayed in a convenience store. She was trying her best to help you after gave her a precise description of your purse. Unfortunately, she has a very poor imagination.

"Not even close."

The weather became cloudier as you and Ellie wandered around, looking at everyone suspiciously. It was going to start raining, but Ellie had spotted places where you could stay since you didn't have an umbrella.

You only accepted when you came across a cute coffee shop.

🫖☆🫖☆🫖☆🫖☆🫖☆🫖☆🫖☆🫖☆🫖☆

With Baroque paintings displayed on the rock walls, the smell of menthol perfumed the whole place, and jazz played softly on speakers, you couldn't help but already fall in love with this place.

Ellie sat across from you, repeatedly trying to light up her joint, ignoring the 'smoking is forbidden' sign in front of the shop.

Silently, you sipped the hot tea, letting the aroma amplify once it touched your tongue. You didn't need much to be happy. Certainly, you didn't need Ellie to smoke in front of you, blowing some of it your way. The poor girl failed to catch your attention away from your tea, feeling ignored.

You kept silently drinking your tea, cherishing your daily tea time, closing your eyes to quiet your worried thoughts for a moment. The motorcycle girl took out her joint and lit it up again; the flicking sound was starting to annoy you.

You opened your eyes to her taking a puff from her nose

"stop that"

even though you were slightly annoyed she managed to get your attention back to herself

"man im just trying to lighten up the mood"ellie said after blowing the smoke out of her nostrils proudly.

You liked the smell of cigarettes, and though you didn't smoke, you could tell she was, in fact, not smoking one. That's why you refused when she proposed you take a puff.

Instead of convincing you, she tried to impress you by taking another puff with her other nostril.

"Seriously, do you get paid to be a clown?" you asked, trying to annoy her, as you lifted up your cup to drink more tea.

"I thought about it, but I'd lose my job if they ever hired you," you almost choked on the tea, making Ellie laugh so hard she put a hand on her stomach. You had just confirmed what she had said as she watched you cough, almost coughing your lungs out.

"Was it the weed that was making Ellie stop taking everything personally?

"I'll charge you with attempted murder," you said, rolling your eyes at the girl in front of you.

After a while, Ellie's rambles attracted all your focus away from the taste of the tea and the jazz music playing, but you weren't complaining as she was interesting to listen to. The reason she bought a jacket similar to the her other ones was that her gang was organizing a festival, and it was coming soon, she wanted to look brand new. All she needed was to find a local designer to write the name of her gang. The money she had came from her dad and giving guitar lessons, which surprised you; you didn't expect her to be an artist.

A new side of her was shown to you as she kept rambling. You noticed how she scratched her neck every now and then, the way she would speed up her speech when she gets excited, and when she'd stutter a bit when you were keeping eye contact. She stopped talking after realizing she's been the only one talking, but you truthfully didn't mind.

"so when's the last time you killed someone ?" you asked making the girl in front of you confused

Ellie discovered a new side of you too; you were more of a listener than a talker, and for a person like her who likes to ramble, it was a win for her.

"I said I'm from a gang, not that I'm a local serial killer," Ellie explained. The Ellie you would have just met would have answered defensively, but her tone was rather sarcastic. She was bearable when she didn't take everything personally.

It was true that many gangs out there have blood on their hands, killing their opponents but also innocent citizens. But Ellie didn't share the same values and joined a gang you've never heard of before.

"I joined Dina's gang after trying to run away from home. I didn't know how to fight at the time; she taught me everything. I owe it all to her." The more you talked, the more questions you had. The conversation easily switched from carefree to serious.

The deadly gangs you would hear about were the ones targeted by Ellie's gang, which is motivated by values of respect and loyalty rather than free violence. That is why you've never heard of it, because most gangs are like the ones your father was once in.

This also explains why ellie is still following you around helping you to find your stolen purse,but this also makes you wonder....

"why did you run away?"

Suddenly, Ellie realized she had been oversharing quite a lot, but it's not her fault that you have such a trusting aura!

Getting better at reading Ellie, you realized you touched a sensitive subject and looked away from her, back at your now-empty cup of tea, trying to change the subject. "i'm still wondering though..." You recalled the letter you received from Ellie, the one with childlike writing.

"how did you discover where I live?" You didn't forget how Ellie mentioned she would meet you at your house instead of you going up to hers, but maybe that's because, in this case, you would have thought it was a trap and you wouldn't come there. You thought about this, but it still doesn't unravel the mystery of her knowing exactly where you live, which was kind of unsettling.

"wasn't hard. I just followed your dad after he was done selling in Tokyo." The casual tone in her answer just made the whole thing even more unsettling. You wondered if it was just the weed and hoped she was lying.

"you mean you stalked my dad?" You asked, hoping you were the one hearing wrong.

"how is that stalking? I just followed him to your house, but not like that..." Ellie tried to explain rationally but made things even worse, confirming you had been hearing perfectly.

"girl, did you drop out of kindergarten? That IS stalking. Why would you do that?" You were absolutely at a loss for words. More confused than upset, you knew Ellie didn't mean to harm anyone, but her way of using rational thinking was still questionable.

Ellie sighed,she didnt know how to explain this while sounding sane"first of all shut up I didnt drop out,I just wanted to know where I could get clothes from him thats all"

thats all ?

"you were literally going to beat me up when I showed up instead of him",you said raising your eyebrows,you werent even upset you just wanted to tease her

"no-omg-okay maybe.. but everything turned out fine"the auburn haired girl stuttered as she scratched her neck again,you noted she'd do this when nervous

"i should call the cops on you wtf"

ellie looked up at you,with a stupid smirk on her face"you need me you cant do that"

You played along, pretending to be upset as you got up and started to leave. However, Ellie felt bad, interpreting your sarcasm as seriousness, and grabbed your arm as she started to apologize for stalking your dad.

"I was just going to pay for the tea," you said, but Ellie got up instead, doing it for you.

You hadn't expected her to take your playful act seriously, but it was kind of hilarious.

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

It was true that you needed her help to catch whoever stole your bag. She knew how to fight, and she did look scary to people. You could already imagine the scumbag surrendering and giving back your precious item... but then again, this looked way too easy.

After your tea time and Ellie's smoking session, you went for another round of walking, looking for your purse.

"She's probably wearing a blue frilly dress like you, because your bag is blue. I guess she wanted to match."

"I've never seen another lolita girl in my hometown," you might not have any clues, but you might have a lead.You told Ellie it might be an average mid-30s man who happens to know the worth of your purse but Ellie was reluctant.

However, you finally decided to file a report of your stolen purse to the police, hoping they would do a better job at catching the thief. After doing so, you walked outside where Ellie was leaning on a wall, smoking again. She remained calm despite the fact that you didn't catch the thief.

"You know what? I'm convinced we're living in a simulation, and that none of this is real. We might be aliens sent from Mars, or maybe we're re-experiencing past life memories, or maybe we're just in some deep coma we have to wake up from."

Although you didn't smoke, you seemed more high than Ellie. "never try smoking."

How was she still happy enough to make jokes despite how awful this situation is making you feel?

"maybe its a life lesson,I should stop buying expensive things from now on"

"oh c'mon its really not that deep,you dont like your purse anymore or something?"

"It's not that-"

"if you can buy one you can buy another one",ellie walked up to you after tossing her joint on the floor giving it a few stomps to put out the burn

"do you think money grows on trees or something ?"

Ellie looked you up and down, from your embroidered white headband to your 'Alice and the Pirates' frilly dress and your white platform boots. She didn't see your outfit as just a simple ensemble, but rather a bag full of gold, ready to be converted into money.

"hell no, don't even think about that," you said firmly. No matter how difficult things could get, you would rather be killed than sell any of the clothes you own. It was like reselling Christmas gifts; you grew emotionally attached to those priceless dresses.

"I knew you'd say no. I was just joking," Ellie said before both of you went on to another activity:getting money to buy a similar purse. Cleaning people's shoes, betting on the three shell games, pickpocketing... You realized getting money in Tokyo wasn't that hard, but none of these options appealed to you for now.

You had to find something that would certainly get you money.

Ellie walked beside you, looking around too. You wondered if she was joking around because she was high or just letting her guard down. Either way, you didn't mind her being this way.. She had stopped spitting and approaching you like she was going to headbutt you after you got to know each other better.

"how about this?" ellie stopped and pointed at a building as she looked at you with a smirk

"I have enough trouble as it is, adding more isn't something I'm interested in," you replied. Wasn't it obvious that you've never been into criminal activity before? So why was she thinking about robbing a whole bank?

The sigh that escaped Ellie was one of pure disappointment, though she was half-joking. But that changed once you stopped by an eating contest.

"Spicy food contest, winner gets $100," both you and Ellie read on a large poster placed on a table. A few chairs were arranged around the table, and your eyes followed some people seated in front of a chef's hat. Only two chairs were unoccupied. You looked at Ellie, unsure if she would agree, but she instantly read your mind.

"I've eaten spicy food before, it's no big deal."

Your energy shifted to competitive mode; there was no way you could consider losing, but if you did, you hoped Ellie had your back."what kind of spicy food, though?"

"just trust me, it's a piece of cake," the auburn-haired girl said before stretching her arms and neck as if she was preparing for a fight. She wasn't considering losing either.

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

Already 2 minutes in, Ellie's face was red from the spiciness. The contest consisted of eating a whole plate of different spicy foods under 5 minutes. From noodles to chicken wings, Ellie felt like her tongue was on fire!

Milk wasn't enough to calm down Ellie; she felt like drinking a whole river.

You, on the other hand, were handling it pretty well; your grandma used to give you a bottle of Tabasco to punish you as a kid, so this was nothing compared to what you had experienced.

Maybe pain does make you strong?

"Time's up! Everyone, open your mouth!"

With luck and a little bit of courage, your plate was entirely empty with no crumbs left compared to other contestants. Some even tried to cheat by hiding their food under the table, but it still didn't stop you from winning!

The man who organized the contest congratulated you and rewarded you after cleaning up the table. Ellie looked at you in absolute shock; she also felt kind of humiliated after what she had told you, but at least you got what you came for.

"It's just spicy food, no big deal, yeah?" You couldn't help but tease Ellie about it. The confident look on her face vanished from the moment she started to eat the spicy chicken; she wasn't even looking at you, embarrassed.

"shut up, I was close to beating you." You just laughed at her words; her face was still a bit red from eating. You counted up the money you had, only a few bucks, and you could buy yourself a new purse!

"wanna go for another round then?" The auburn girl stayed silent and responded with a violent side-eye. You understood you had to find another way to get money rather than eating spicy food...

☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°☆°

Ellie convinced you to bet the $100 you won on the three shell game after refusing multiple times. It turns out she didn't lie when she said she was good at seeing through those scams.

"I used to learn magic tricks when I was 10," she told you, and you didn't need to know what for after she got your money doubled up. Only a few bucks were left, and an idea popped up in your mind as you and Ellie kept walking in Tokyo: "why don't you bring your guitar and play here?"

The thought of playing in front of everyone was making Ellie nervous, not because she was bad or anything, but she didn't want to come across a potential enemy of her gang. She had to keep her tough image, especially in the streets.

"uh, I'm still learning, and I never practiced in front of a big crowd," Ellie lied, but you kept insisting.

"come on, are you really that bad? You said you've been playing since you were a child"

Despite your insistence, it didn't have the same effect on Ellie as it had on your dad.

"It doesn't mean I play like a professional; plus, there are many other ways to get money," Ellie kept giving you reasons, but you finally stopped insisting. In fact, you didn't need to get money anymore to buy a new bag...

You finally found it!

Ellie noticed the change in your expression and wondered what was going on, so she followed the direction of your gaze.

There it was, shining bright like a diamond, as blue as the sky, begging to be back in its place. It was an average man with a long beard in his mid-30s, carrying it as he walked in front of you.

Ellie turned her head to look back at you, silently asking, 'Do you want me to take care of him?' But you didn't want to leave this to Ellie. You felt rage building up inside you along with a sense of relief; you had to make him pay.

You ran towards the man who was walking in front of you, hoping to catch him before he disappeared again. The sound of your platform boots approaching made him turn his head in curiosity before you jumped on him. Both of you fell hard to the floor; his head hit the ground while his hands were still clutching your purse.

You snatched it out of his hands, not caring about hurting him. You were more hurt than he was after what he's done. The look of pity on his face made your blood boil. He even had the audacity to reach for your purse again!

"It's mine, you fucking dumbass bitch. Try to ever steal from me again and I'll slit your throat open until you bleed to death. You can have fun stealing other people's bags in hell." You spat on his face after stomping his stomach, releasing all the anger you've been carrying.

This man needed to be humbled.

You've always been told to fight back. If someone hits you, you should hit harder. And if the person hitting you still has the audacity to hurt you, you didn't hit hard enough.

The man finally stopped trying to get back your purse as he was busy spitting blood. You stopped hitting him, considering that was enough karma for him.

You had to let him know you weren't a person to mess with.

Despite your brilliant and cute clothes, a wise soul and a strong character were hidden within, one that despised being bothered.

You walked away from the man, making sure your purse still had your personal belongings, unaware that your scene had attracted the attention of the people around. You approached Ellie, who was once again at a loss for words.

The girl also walked up to you. "how can you even run in those?" She pointed at your shoes.

"practice, I guess," you shrugged your shoulders before taking Ellie's hand. You didn't know where to go, but you definitely didn't want to stay in the eyes of the people who had witnessed you beating up a 30-year-old man.

You began to walk, dragging Ellie with you, but she stopped. "wait."

You were met with confusion and dropped her hand

Was she scared or something?

Ellie was also bad at reading people, but you made things even worse for her. You were like a book with covers that didn't match the atmosphere of the story, but the side of you that you had just shown got her hooked.

Suddenly, you heard the sounds of motorcycles roaring nearby. You had attracted a whole gang!

They were all girls wearing the same jacket as Ellie's, no helmets, no weapons, but they were still radiating an intimidating yet powerful energy. Their motorcycles stopped just behind Ellie, and you felt the girls' intimidating gaze on you. You looked at Ellie, wondering what was happening.

Ellie didn't even need to turn around to know that it was her gang. She kept looking at you.

"why don't you join me?"

[queen-of-deans-booty]

The Werther Project: Part One

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.5k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst

Summary: Dean's worst fears come to light when he and Sam mess with something that shouldn't have been messed with in the first place.

Season Ten Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

x

For the past week, Dean has been trying to practice using your magic. You haven't come back to the Bunker since you left the cabin in Des Moines, and he doesn't really care. You're not here which means he gets to practice without you knowing he has your magic. The best place to do that is in the backyard you made. No one is around to enjoy it so it's become a breeding ground for magic.

Dean looks around the destroyed backyard with a sigh. The basketball net is shredded, Sam's garden looks like a car ran right through it, and the wooden gazebo is in pieces on the ground. If Dean continues this way, he will destroy everything else. Dean creates a ball of blue magic between his hands and tries to hold it but it shoots out of his hand and to the ground. Instead of the ground absorbing it, it bounces back and hits him square in the face.

"Fuck!"

"I take it it's not going well?" Sam asks.

"I don't know how Y/N did this. It's so damn hard!"

Dean conjures a ball of magic again and tries to lift Maryann's playset up but all it does is explode next to the swings, causing bits of hard plastic to go everywhere.

"Great," Dean scoffs.

"Have you tried reading the journals and books about the Sapphire Witch?"

"Yeah, I did. Multiple times. It's completely useless because I don't understand how easily it came to them. God, I wish Y/N was here to help me," he sighs sadly.

"Well, I got a lead on the book." When Sam told Dean he didn't destroy the book, he was pissed but it's the only thing that is going to help you so he's grateful that it's still here. "I'm going to talk to Rowena. She might be able to help."

"I don't like bringing this to her."

"The only other person who can decode it is Y/N but she'll destroy it. So, Rowena is my plan."

"Just go," Dean sighs. "I'll try not to destroy much else."

When Dean is alone again, he thinks back to some of your most magical times, one of them being this backyard. Magic looks easy when you're the one who was doing it. If you can create twelve of you to fight Cas then he can do a simple levitation spell. He doesn't need to be an expert on this, just enough to take you down. He takes a deep breath and tries again.

Rowena agrees to meet Sam at a restaurant only because she wants something. Sam gets there first and takes a seat in the back. Rowena strolls in moments later all doled up like she's going someplace fancy.

"Samuel," she grins and sits across from him.

"Rowena. I know you know we have the book."

"Yes, I do, but my help does not come for free."

"As I suspected. What do you want?"

"There's only one thing you could possibly do for me that I can't, at least presently, do for myself. Kill my son. He's expecting it from me. He already has his stinking minions on high alert. If you're wondering how a mother can get to the point of wanting her own son--"

"No, I'm really not," Sam cuts her off. "I'll do it. I'll kill Crowley. First things first, can you read the book?

"Of course I can. Besides the Scarlet Witch, I'm likely the only witch alive who can understand such old, dark magic. Just not in its present form. Allowing me to look at this book is bold even for you. I'm your mortal enemy. I've tried to kill you, your witch, and your brother as recently as last month. You wouldn't have come to me if I wasn't your last resort. You're desperate. You can stop pretending you're not. Now, I can't read the book in its present form, but there is someone who could. Nadya. Grand Coven witch."

"Where do I find her?"

"You don't. She's dead. Long ago. Murdered for her life's work. Her decryption formulas and her codex are what you can find. Bring me Nadya's codex, and I'll break this text right open and give you your cure."

"Where do I look?"

"If I were you, I'd start at home. Who do you think murdered Nadya and stole the codex in the first place?"

"The Men of Letters. I'll be in touch."

Sam heads back to the Bunker only to find Dean asleep in his room. You're still nowhere to be found but he can't care about that. He knows how hard this has been for Dean so he has to find this cure as fast as he can. You're his best friend. He'd do anything for you. Plus, the longer you go without your soul, the more it's going to hurt when you finally do get it back. Sam finds a bunch of stuff in the storage room that he moves into the library. Inside one of the boxes is an audio tape reel. He doesn't want to wake Dean so he plugs headphones in and listens to it.

"Please, let's come to order. Men of Letters meeting minutes--May 16, 1956. On the matter of Cuthbert Sinclair's expulsion."

"This is hardly your first offense, Cuthbert. You've been cited for disciplinary infractions seven times in the course of your tenure. This enchanted vault of yours, this Werther box has a warding so potent it achieves a theoretical rate of, in your own words, ninety-eight percent lethality."

"Extreme measures were warranted. The Coven is desperate to get the codex back. The Werther box works," Cuthbert explains.

"All too well, I'd say. Working in secret, embarking on this project without oversight left two fellow Men of Letters vulnerable to your most potent magics. Fletcher and Martinez were members in good standing. Fletcher chanced upon the box and died in two hours. Martinez heroically tried to shut it down. We found him dead on the floor beside the box, his wrists cut," Markham says.

"I already apologized for that accident. I refuse to do so again. Why are you all so small-minded? Hmm? We were brought here to do great things, to take risks, and to bring the fight to the monsters of this world. Yet, to a man, you choose instead to molder in these stacks. You are not men. You are NOT men. You're librarians, nothing more."

"Before we rule on what is to be done with you, I'm prepared to give you a chance to secure our leniency. Tell us how to shut it down. The box is still in St. Louis with the codex. It's still a danger."

"Let me tell you what you can do with your leniency, Markham. You know, I saw the writing on the wall. I knew you cowards would shut this project down, which is why I built it the way I did. There is only one way to silence the Werther for good. Let's just say Martinez was on the right track. I doubt you lot have the guts but you're welcome to die trying."

A door slamming sounds and Sam can only imagine Cuthbert left the room.

"Markham, would you have us keep trying?" another man asks.

"The box is to be interred and guarded where it stands, in perpetuity. Bury it."

Sam turns off the tape and looks through the records where he finds the Men of Letters headquarters in St. Louis. He takes out his phone and calls Rowena. It takes three rings but she eventually answers it.

"I was in the middle of taking my nap, Samuel. I'm over three hundred years old. Beauty sleep isn't optional."

"I've been looking into the thing we discussed. I got a lead, but it's guarded by a violent enchantment. I need a spell to break the spell."

"The Cabirian invocation. Easy to obtain. Good all-purpose disenchantment."

"Great. Thanks."

Sam is about to hang up but Rowena speaks again.

"It's not recommended for amateurs. In inexperienced hands, the invocation has a way of fizzling out. I could come. You might need me."

"I'll take my chances. Thanks," Sam says and hangs up.

"What are you taking your chances on?" Dean asks when he walks into the library.

"I got a lead on the codex. Are you up for it?"

"Give me ten."

Sam and Dean travel to St. Louis and pull up to a run-down-looking house. The white paint is chipping on the outside of the house, the yard is overgrown with weeds, and there are piles of newspapers sitting on the front porch.

"So, you want to do this or shall I?"

"Wait here."

Sam gets out of the can and walks up the porch steps, careful for the one step that's bowing in. He doesn't think anyone is living in this place so he doesn't bother knocking. He tries to look into the window on the door but there is a curtain closed so he can't see much. He takes out his lock pick and tries to use it but the barrel of a gun comes out of the letter box and whoever is on the other side is pointing it at his pelvis.

"Bad idea."

"Whoa! I can explain!"

"Yeah, don't bother. You have three choices: get arrested, get your bits blown off, or get back."

"I think I'll get back."

"Attaboy."

He walks back to the car and looks at Dean with wide eyes.

"Yeah, she threatened to shoot me in the dick."

"Really?" Dean chuckles.

"Dude."

"Alright. From what I gathered from Google, this family moves into this long-vacant house. One week later, three of them were dead at their own hands. The whole family was wiped out except for the daughter, Suzie, whose house is still under her name. I'm figuring she's the one who nearly unmanned you back there."

"Yeah, well, this long-vacant home used to be a Men of Letters chapter house. Remember Magnus?"

"You mean the dickwad ex-Men of Letters that tried to make a zoo exhibit out of me and YN? Yeah."

"Before he was expelled, he built Werther, a magical box with a deadly alarm system. Werther is buried somewhere in this house. It was supposed to have been guarded, but I'm guessing that plan went out the window when Abaddon massacred the entire membership in '58. The house stayed in limbo until some lucky family bought it. Werther's a time bomb and it needs to be defused. Not only is this in our wheelhouse, it's our responsibility."

"Our responsibility?"

"We're Men of Letters. It's our legacy."

"Alright. Different plan. She's only seen you. You sneak in the back and find it while I distract her. Think you can manage that?"

"Yeah," Sam rolls his eyes.

Dean walks up the porch steps to the front door and knocks while Sam runs to the back without being seen. He looks down at the letterbox, remembers what Sam said, and covers his dick with his hands as if that will stop a bullet. The door opens and a woman steps out with a gun pointed right at Dean.

"What did I say?" Dean squeaks when he sees the gun and looks at her with wide eyes. She frowns when she sees it's not Sam and looks around. "You're not.... Fella tried to.... What do you want?"

Shit, say something. Anything. Anything will do. Just say words.

"You saw him? Oh, tell me you did. I'm sorry, but my name is Dwight Twilley. I'm with the neighborhood watch. We're looking into a few recent break-ins, and if you saw the guy it would be mighty helpful if you gave a description. If I could--if I could just have a minute of your time?"

Dean steps into her home and squeaks out the word "time" but clears his throat to keep his composure. She looks around and closes the door before joining Dean in the living room.

"Tall, white fella. Pretty hair."

"Right. It's a nice house you have here, uh..."

"Suzie."

"Suzie. Do you live here alone?"

"Just me and Gus."

"Gus?" Suzie raises her gun in response. The kettle begins whistling in the kitchen so Suzie walks over to it with Dean following her. "So, all alone in this big house, huh? Must get lonely even with Gus."

"Yeah, well I'm used to alone."

She pours herself two cups and puts two tea bags in them. She offers a cup to Dean but he shakes his head politely. With her back turned to him, Dean looks at the back door and sees Sam trying to break into the basement door. If he's going to hide something as big as a Werther box, it'll be in the basement. He gets the lock open and gives a thumbs up to Dean.

"No, thank you."

"Been alone here since, uh, '80? After my family died, my Aunt Pauline moved in. She took care of me and raised me for a few years."

Dean hears something move in the basement and he coughs loudly to cover up the noise.

"So, what happened to your aunt?"

"I told her not to go in the basement. No one goes in the basement."

"What's in the basement, Suzie?" She looks out the window with tears in her eyes. She turns back to the kitchen counter and grabs a knife. "Ma'am you okay?"

She immediately turns and points her gun at Dean who backs up in fear.

"Oh! Whoa! Suzie!"

"My social skills may be rusty but I'm no idiot. The doorbell hasn't rung in months, and two visitors in one hour? One breaking in, and the other asking all sorts of questions about..."

"I told you, I was from the neighborhood watch."

"Yeah, yeah, neighborhood watch. Right. Boy, have you seen this house? There's only one thing in here worth getting at, and it sure as hell ain't me. You came for the box. Whoever left that Godforsaken thing down there.... I knew someday, someone would come for it. I swore never to let that happen. He's downstairs isn't he?"

Well, the gig is up.

"He's my brother, and we're here to help you."

"You call him up here. Now! You call him up here! Now!"

"Sam! Sammy!" Dean yells. "She wants you up here, now!"

Suddenly, a loud boom sounds from the basement that terrifies Suzie.

"No... No! Get out! Get out! Out! Out! You bastards!" Suzie rushes Dean toward the front door with her gun trained in front of her. He stops by the front door and looks at her who has tears in her eyes. "You let it out!"

Both he and Suzie look toward the stairs where there is a bright green mist. It flies all around the duo before entering their bodies through their eyes. Both of their eyes are yellow-green as the mist takes control of their minds.

"Dean!" Dean blinks and his eyes return to normal. "Dean!" He sees the gu in Suzie's hands and puts his hands up as he joins his brother's side. "Hey, hey, hey. Take it easy."

"Do you have any idea what you've done?"

"Put the gun down. We can talk about this, okay?"

Something passes by the brothers from behind and Suzie's eyes go wide.

"What was that?" She looks at something between the brothers with fear in her eyes. "Oh, my God."

"What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know."

"Stay back. Stay back!"

"Go!" Sam and Dean jump out of the way just in time for Suzie to shoot her gun at her bookshelf. She must be seeing something that isn't there. "What are you doing, huh? You don't have a plan. You don't have a defense."

"No!" Suzie yells from her office door.

"Suzie!" Sam yells and leaves the living room to head to the office.

x

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[delta-lethonomia]

man, revisiting silent hill 2 as an adult with life experience is a completely different ballgame.

Spoilers below if you haven't played Silent Hill 2, discussions about grief

I mostly remembered lots of analysis about James Sunderland's sexual fixations: the leggy nurses, ✨Maria✨, the vagina monsters everywhere... culminating in analyses about how he's an intrinsically terrible person who killed his wife because yada yada Madonna/Whore complex & she was too sick to have sex with. It's all repression, all the way down, and James is terrible because men, ugh. (Maybe that's not an accurate representation of late 2000's SH2 takes, but I was a teen with hangups lol, and that's how I remember it.)

Now? Talking about the remake specifically, but James Sunderland, I completely understand you. Honestly, it hits too hard. I will eat my shoe if someone on the OG writing team didn't have close and intimate experience with dealing with terminal illness with a close close loved one, because it's all there. If everything in Silent Hill is a reflection of his relationship with Mary/her illness, if all the disgusting shit everywhere is part of that - I understand his disgust, his resentment of her, and I think this is a part that people don't necessarily get if they haven't been through the same thing. Because long-term terminal illness, the type that leaves you bed-bound like Mary's, it's dehumanizing. It's disgusting. You'll see things done to a person that you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy, and it's all in the name of healing.

It's not that James had some other life to return to, that he was just itching to get out and find a new hot wife or anything - he clearly loves Mary deeply, and certainly has nothing else going on in his life. Not wanting to bang your dying wife who's oscillating between acceptance and agonizing fear is 100% normal, as is fantasizing about every hot pair of legs that walks past. And I could feel his resentment, his hatred of her, this awful blending of emotions where you can't stand to see them in such pain that it hurts you, horribly, so much so that you start to associate that pain with them. It's simple association: you think you can stand by their side, but every moment is agony, and like an animal with it's leg caught in a trap, you'll gnaw your own limb off to survive.

I completely get why he smothered her to death. I think it was an impulse decision - one made out of mercy and hatred and love all the same - because Mary's pleading, to kill her, and then the backtracking, to save her? Go away, but stay, please, don't leave me? But leave - I'm disgusting - don't remember me like this, remember me how I was - it's all so painfully, horribly real. It plays out on every hospital bed with a long, dragged out death. And three years of that, however much she spent in the last stages - it can't be explained. It's not something you recover from. You're different, afterwards, and legal euthanasia starts to sound like the sweetest gift.

Anyway I thought it was funny how people online say that it looks like she had a skin disease when I thought it looked like shingles. lol (seriously, shingles can be so much worse than you've ever imagined. It's not something to be taken lightly. Pray you never get it, and get that vaccine the second you're eligible.)

It's just funny in hindsight how I focused so hard on all the ~repressed sexuality~ as a teen, but now? Mary, man. Wild. The leggy monsters and screaming vaginas are just set dressing. Anyway the new acting and VA's are excellent and the remake is absolutely worth checking out if only for the chance to revisit the story.

(Pyramid head definitely is less hot though. Can't explain it.)

[izzyspussy]

You said asks so NO PRESSURE but since you said S1 RoyJamie I now can’t stop trying to imagine it with a more realistic Roy and/or whatever other departures from the zeitgeist you would enact 👀 👀 👀 if you wanted to say anything more about that that would be exciting

Okay so, re: my tags about it being different than everyone else's that you eyeballed like. Maybe I'm just too aromantic for All This, but the biggest reason I usually don't love the season 1 royjamies that are already out there is because I feel like they warm up to each other emotionally and catch feelings and all that way too fast and imho without much actual romancing? Like, they have sex a few times and then they're like okay I was totally wrong you've never done anything wrong in your life. Which like honestly....... boring.

And my second biggest issue is usually more with Jamie's characterization than Roy's! (I mean I do always wish people wouldn't slough off a lot of Roy's anger and other various Problems and all, but that's consistent lmao). But like season 1 fics make Jamie such a woob and a sadsack and take away his agency quite a bit, like all his bad behavior is someone else's fault - and like, okay, to a degree, I GUESS, but like...... idk man him having a reason to act that way doesn't make it less of a choice that he made.

I also think there's way too much emphasis on him being protected and rescued, which like, listen. I love a good romantic rescue as much as the next guy, but it was also something I really loved in the show that Jamie got to defend himself. He got to decide to be fed up, he got to fight back. And!! He always had a belligerent do-your-worst attitude, which he maintained all the way up through season 3 to the end!! I love that about him and I find it lacking in general, but especially in season 1 fics when it should be most present, when Jamie has the most people and reason to be defensive.

Anyway, back to the first thing. I do think that having sex with each other would change their perspectives of each other significantly, but not necessarily toward romance or even friendship. Like, their Feelings develop totally independently of their physical relationship! Besides which, I feel like there's this really interesting stage in any enemies-to-whatever type of relationship, especially when it starts with a (literal) Bang, where they stop seeing each other as The Enemy and start seeing each other as a living, breathing, vulnerable human being who they happen to be enemies with. And I feel like in a lot of enemies-to-whatever things that stage is sorely neglected, and I think it would be an ESPECIALLY interesting - and vital - stage for royjamie.

So if (IF) I ever wrote one myself, it would still start with a literal Bang. They'd impulsively have sex. Not exactly hate sex, because neither of them can really hate someone they're having sex with - but that's the perspective shift isn't it. They can't hate each other anymore, but that doesn't mean they start to like each other or even really care that much about each other.

So anyway, they would sleep together, and they'd both be way different in bed than they thought the other would be. And they're a little bit mean, not quite in a fun sexy way, but not quite enough to be hurtful either. And then they'd do it again a few times, and they'd be vastly humanized to each other. But they'd still be just coworkers with workplace tension who are fucking and also sometimes Jamie stays for dinner just because they both get lonely and it's only polite for whoever lives in the place they're at to offer. They're slightly more than tolerating each other. They're empathizing with each other and being incredibly intimate - off the clock - and it's a bit weird but a bit not weird and they're just going with it because. well. what else are you gonna do.

And then I'd have them stop sleeping together when Jamie gets transferred, without ever moving into that What Are We stage nevermind any further along than that. And then they become friends, semi-long distance. Texting and stuff. Kind of like the fic Waterfalls, which idr but might be gen. But also I'd probably have it even more of a slow burn than that, at least wrt Roy learning about James. Just because like... another thing I feel like happens a lot is that people have Character A find out about James and then suddenly they like Jamie after that and all. And I don't really like that either, I liked that they had all bonded at least a little before That Whole Thing in canon as well, and I'd want to keep that. OR maybe even bump it up a bit, but have them not suddenly be buddies after it. It would be interesting to explore mixed feelings on that front, where maybe Roy feels protective of Jamie and angry on his behalf, but without having a fully formed (if reluctant, at that point in canon) personal relationship with him.

But anyway so. It wouldn't really be enemies-to-lovers. It would be enemies-to-not-quite-strangers-who-fuck-and-are-intimate (I know allos cannot handle this concept, at least when I bring it up as something I want irl lmfao, they just don't get it! but listen. it happens, it can happen, and it can be pretty good too!), then half-hearted-enemies-again-to-friends, and then friends-to-lovers.

And WHO can say what I'd do or not do with Keeley. But I also hate when she gets just completely written out of the dynamic because I feel like that doesn't make a whole lot of sense and also is a bit boring. Even if it's not an OT3 endgame, I still feel like she should be all kinds of up in their business.

[thedeepstate69]

VALO ANGST TIME HUHVOIHJVHPUH

Wrote most of these on my notes app whilst being tossed round a boat omw home

Bitemark (viper x chamber):

Viper being closed off and wary of Chamber only for him to gradually work his way into her heart.

The moment Viper starts to truly trust Chamber she finds out the things he's done and the friends he's taken from her.

Enemies to lover??? no. Enemies and lovers.

Most of my headcannons about them stem from my belief that Viper has issues w/ depression and her mental health (this can be seen in a lot of her voicelines)

Reyge (Reyna x Sage):

wrong time and wrong place. (also immovable object x unstoppable force)

Reyna's long since accepted that her life isn't her own anymore, any humanity she once had slowly being chipped away by the things she's had to do just to survive ("I have lied, beaten, killed to survive. I will kill again and again if it means one more day.").

Hates the part of herself that wants Sage, she feels so guilty about it viewing anything she does for herself as inherently selfish.

Sage wants to help Reyna but she doesn't know how to get through to her.

Cyberowl (Cypher x Sova):

Would sacrifice the world for someone they love x Would sacrifice the one they love for the world

Sova would do whatever it takes to save his earth even if that meant having to let someone he loves be taken from him

Cypher refuses to go through the pain he went through after loosing his family before

Rivals to lovers

Sova see's the worst parts of himself in Cypher (they are incredibly similar imo even though Sova would rather die then admit that)

Sage x Omen:

"it's rotten work" x "not if it's you"

Sage who's willing to do anything to help take away some of Omens pain and Omen who wouldn't wish his suffering onto anyone

Fadeshock (Fade x Neon):

If you show me your hands covered in thorns I will show you my palms ready to bleed.

two people with incredibly destructive abilities trying to find any semblance of control despite knowing that's an impossible ask (control. the gift so many yearn to give you. the one thing you will never have. - neons dossier)

Firewalker (Yoru x Phoenix):

(A lot of my thoughts about them are fully just from how I interpret the characters from the minimal info we're given as well as cultural backgrounds)

SO SO much internalised homophobia, mostly from Yoru but a little bit from Phoenix too.

With Yoru it's more so a cultural thing with Japan being a very conservative country and despite skinship being more accepted thats more so between two women rather then two men.

(Also w/ my headcannon of Yoru being trans being with another man even if it's what makes him happy makes him feel like 'less of a man')

He loves Phoenix but feels wrong about it, like it's something wrong that he's doing.

Phoenix doesn't have as much of a problem with internalised homophobia (mans went to drama school and has two mums come on now) but where he was raised there was a generally toxically masculine environment (fuckin peckham)

[spectralquartzafterdark]

In your AoE rewrite does Bumblebee ever call out Megatrons feelings for Rosie? I feel like he and Megatron would at least have thst in common since in my opinion Bee loved Charlie 😭

Ooh I actually have this written!

I was a scout. Observation was my job. To look out for anything suspicious. And I only got better at it when I lost my voice. 

This entire mission had felt like a fever dream. When Sam and Optimus told me to stay with Rosie and Megatrons crew I wasn't happy. I knew logically Megatron wasn't a threat, but I didn't trust him. The only saving grace was the fact Jazz was around to keep things light. Rosie always seemed tense and Megatron mirrored her anxiety. A side effect of their interlink no doubt. 

But as we made our way through the Appalachian mountains - I had noticed a small change in the former warlord. One I recognized all too well. It was something I had experienced. Something I still hold a bit of resentment towards Optimus for. 

Megatron was looking at Rosie as if she were his conjunx. This theory was only solidified when he shut down for the night. I had caught him talking in his sleep a few times. It was always Ancient cybertronian. He could hide how his felt. But his spark couldn't. I took note and recordings. Just in case. 

I understood that all too well. I still missed Charlie. It had been decades - and she still lived in my processors. In my spark. I couldn't let another bot suffer like I do. Even if it was a bot I still held hate for. I wouldn't wish this spark break on anyone. Including my worst enemy. 

So, one day when it was just us and the humans and others were in sleep mode. I motioned for him to follow me. 

“Follow me into the dark~” I kept my radio low and he followed me.

“Bumblebee is there something wrong?” He asked.

I looked to him, I pointed at myself and shook my head before I pointed at him and nodded. 

“Gotta talk.” I played and wiggled. 

“Well what is it?” Megatron was getting impatient. 

“I can hear the things that you're dreaming about. When you open up your heart

And the truth comes out.” 

“What in Primus are you talking about?” I Watched his faceplate contort, “I've not said anything.”

“And I know that I'm right. 'Cause I hear it in the night.” I pointed in Rosie's direction. 

“SPIT IT OUT.” that struck a nerve. I was on the right track.

“I hear the secrets that you keep

When you're talking in your sleep.” I just stared at him.

He went still, I finger gunned at him. I patted my chassis and smiled showing him I understood. 

“She's human… I can't…” He started. 

I shook my head and switched the song, “Tell her you need her too. You tell her clearly. Speak what your heart wants you to.”

I was grateful for Spotify and Sirius radio. It made things easy. 

“I… why help me?” He asked. 

“Charlie.” I looked down and trilled. It hurt, but I knew he needed to know. 

“Ah…” I heard him vent and watched as his stance relax, “Why care about my situation?”

“Don't suffer alone.” I let the radio play. 

I watched his face. As he nodded I felt pride. I didn't trust him nor could I ever forgive him for what he had done to us. To cybertron. But I had faith he was serious about this change. And I would support it anyway I could. 

And another cybertronian who loved a human? That was an ally I couldn't push away. If I couldn't have my person - he should. She was good for him. And I could tell she loved him too.

“Thank you… Bumblebee. I'll tell her when I get a chance.” He finally spoke, “I appreciate the faith you've placed in me. I know our history - isn't …”

I whirred to let him know it was okay. 

“I swear I'll atone. I will do better be better. For cybertron… for her.” He said. 

“You go tiger.” I clapped my servos and saluted him as we headed back. 

I notes Rosie was back up and looked distressed as she sleepily reached for Megatron. He chuckled and picked her up and both got nestled in for the night. 

I could see our future in them. And it was bright. Cybertron would rise again and the Earth would be protected for eons to come.

[the-ultimate-muses]

@mechatiqe cont. from (X)

He may have dropped the voice (for the moment, at least), but now Kazuichi had to deal with a deep chested chuckle through that smirk that grew with each passing second. "I don't believe I insisted, simply offered, my dear." The pet name was spoken in that same faux flirtation as before, Gundham scooping up his helmet and passing it to the mechanic with a wink.

"What is it you remind me of...Ah! A cat! A scruffy little street kitten who protests against just as much as they enjoy any attention they are given." He half expected his helmet to be pegged back at him, but still he teased on, just to see how red he could get Kazuichi's face. Was it a bit cruel to poke and prode at someone so clearly out of tune with themselves, so to speak? Absolutely, but maybe it would help get Kaz's head out of his ass and at least admitt to the obivous. Gundham would bet his bike that it would help more than hinder in the long run. Hiding like this, in every moment of every day, it was soul draining, something he wouldn't wish on even his worst of enemies. Even the rival biker gang members who wanted his head still were given the respect of correct pronouns from him. He was a delinquent, not an asshole.

Well...not that kind of asshole, at least.

"Yes, I believe that name suits you rather well. Come along then, kitten. I vow to drive in a manner fit for your...delicate sensibilities." Liar....sort of. He'd fool around some, but nothing that would truly hurt or upset the man.