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a part of us never left that mountain

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there’s something very beautiful about being able to try again tomorrow

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seeing all the girls i went to high school with getting married and having babies and like I know this sounds mean but it’s literally like watching a horror movie

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So it turns out I actually have to build the life I want to live

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brotherly love

in my flop era with color

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i highly recommend for women and girls to be intellectually curious and difficult to shame

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Like a new friend!

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You ever just wanna fuck?

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Sorry it's actually ridiculous how "don't criticize women's bodies" has been weaponized into "act like everyone who points out a fucked up beauty standard is crazy and a misogynist because some women adhere to that standard and pretend it's normal"

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We are all shedding old skins this year I can feel it in the air and I think although we all handle it differently - we are gonna come out a little lighter and feeling possible again

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One of the first victims of Epstein to speak out was a Latina transgender girl, Ava Cordero. She was sixteen when she was lured to Epstein’s apartment under the guise of helping her career in modeling. Ava Cordero was mocked, belittled, and denied by the media, her transness somehow overshadowing her status as a victim of assault. The media (Dareh Gregorian and Lucy Carne of the New York Post) specifically somehow spun it as Epstein being a victim of the case and treated her claims as an attempt to defame Epstein. Mind you, the journalists, Epstein’s lawyer (Gerald Lefcourt), and Epstein himself, were able to get away with this specifically because she was a transgender woman.

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notice how everyone is horny today

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"in north korea they teach kids to hate america since birth" wish I had had formal training too I had to learn to hate america all by myself

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there should be an oscar just for saying something this beautiful and true in a movie

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finally catching up where I left, I don't know if I'm getting tangled on my own speculations, but I really think there's more to it of what yoshiki usually has said till now (where I am). just sharing some thoughts this will be messy btw

so, Yoshiki really hates himself. The tragedy came to me in the use of wording in this statement. It's beautiful it comes from a place of self-assessment and compassion to monster 'Hikaru', discovering how alike their tragedies are, but it implies Yoshiki doesn't have the least of compasion for himself (and by extention, it'll harm 'Hikaru' too). He could call his identity as foreign or outcast, but instead is straight-up monstrous. the thick and narrow walls that build the village did a great job in nurturing him with guilt and shame. When the walls are rigid and all you know are the corners of the jail, it's the expected course you'll see yourself has an abomination. the foreign and outcast are implicit to belong somewhere someday, the monster isn't. The tragedy of deshumanization whatever you make yourself be, if you're queer that's all that there is for you.

by that, I find Yoshiki's reflection about his and 'Hikaru's nature quite cruel. From the standpoint this story uses the metaphor of the monster as queerness, as long as Yoshiki keeps seeing 'Hikaru' as the dangerous/evil monster, he will keep failing in accepting himself. The nuance in calling 'Hikaru' the irremediable monster when his character is about welcoming a new beginning, the opportunity to define a life. Yoshiki knows he's different from Hikaru, that he has his own opinions and will, but he still fails to grasp the biggest piece of the board. If it's different from Hikaru and human, does that make him "incorrect"? what defines the monster? I don't doubt for a second Yoshiki accept all of it, he loves the unlovable like no one else, we're past from that point, but the deadlock is that his self-loathing blinds him for fully knowledge reality. And the reality is his queerness, his feelings for Hikaru and 'Hikaru'.

and the rabit hole could even go deeper from his internalized homophobia, the denial it could also be influenced by his innability to let go of Hikaru's memory. If he admits he fell for someone new, it'd feel like abandoning the importance of Hikaru in his life. That is ofc a misconception, closing a chapter doesn't not mean forgetting. Also, it would be painful for both of them if Yoshiki admit his current romantic feelings for 'Hikaru' at some point were influenced from the remnants of his love for Hikaru, that'd discredit what they have now? (the answer is no). While he knows 'Hikaru' is the most important thing to him, he keeps coming up with excuses like his fear of loneliness, questioning his morals or if he ever viewed him as an unique person to explain why he wants him close. may all of it at some point was true to some degree, I feel like the cornerstone of it all is that he just wants him to stay because he loves him, that's it.

Yoshiki wants to save 'Hikaru' because in finding a place for him to live, gives him hopes he can belong somewhere too. But it goes deeper than that, accepting his feelings for 'Hikaru' - if I'm with you, he can accept himself - I migh be saved too. What we love is also a projection of how much we love ourselves. He still glances things through his internalized homophobia, so he keeps hating himself, and he keeps failing in 'Hikaru'.

I dont think Yoshiki should give up his humanity or 'Hikaru' should dissappear or become "more human" (precisely, pointing all of this as the monster-issue, perse get rid of it), to came up with the best conclusion. In another type of story, the resolution would be as clear as "they should stop being codependent and learn to live because they won't find happiness in other person" or "Yoshiki should move on and let 'Hikaru' go" but that's not the issue here. In my eyes, Yoshiki and 'Hikaru' are elementally one of the same (because 'Hikaru' is starting to get filled with doubts and shame too), they deal with the same struggle in different levels: nature vs nurture, what should it be vs what it is, instinct vs morality. Mixed as they are, they need the other to face and find resolution, to stop escaping who they are. It'd be so unfair to grand one of them hope while the other sinks in the tragedy of being just different.

ultimatelly, I firmly believe this is a story about self-acceptance throught the lens of queer love. I don't think a simply love confession would solve things, at anything, what it's needed for them is to be brave about what they want, who they are, to go find a place where they can be free. Let's unlearn shame together and stop labeling love, they should stop giving a fuck.