#i wouldn't recommend my schedule to anyone | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ctrlsht · 1 year ago

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Fragment of the Past 01

pairing: patient!jungkook x psychiatrist!reader genre: thriller & yandere au

summary: You are a well-known and respected psychiatrist and author. You start treating Jungkook, who suffers from PTSD after surviving an extremely traumatic incident. As you help him confront his traumatic past, he begins to act strangely, and you start uncovering something about him that will change everything.

chapter summary: As you get to know your patient, Jeon Jungkook, you begin to notice that something is wrong with him, until the day he confesses to you what really happened during the night of the incident.

chapter warnings: mention of PTSD and depression, mention of hatred towards the family, mention of murder. This chapter is the only chapter that isn’t too heavy. word count: 8K

note: This fiction will contain multiple mental disorders and psychology facts. I conducted my own research to avoid spreading misinformation, but there may be aspects I've overlooked, so I am open for any corrections.

"Dr. Y/N, your next patient is already waiting outside. Shall I invite him in?" Soyeon asked while holding the doorknob, your office door slightly ajar. You leaned back in your swivel chair, glancing at the clock hanging beside the door. Soyeon stood patiently, awaiting your response.

“It’s still 2:30 and my next session is 3 o’clock. He arrived early?”

“Yes, he did. In fact, he already arrived at 2. Although he mentioned not informing you since it’s still early.”

You looked at the clock once again and contemplated your decision. You still have 30 minutes before the new session starts but you’re not going to do anything, anyway. Just like your next patient, you’re just waiting for the clock to strike at 3.

“Let him in. We��ll just start early.”

After a few moments, the door opened once again and a tall muscular man entered the room. His movements are slow like he has all the time in the world and when he faced you, his eyes sparkled, and he offered a subdued smile without revealing his teeth. He removed his black ball cap and extended his hand, presenting you with a box of cake.

“Good afternoon, doc. I’m sorry I’m too early from the original schedule but I got you a strawberry cake. Heard that you love them.” He said.

“It’s okay, I don’t mind. Thank you and it’s nice to see that you’re in a good mood, Jungkook.” You smiled and reached the box of cake that he gave you. He smiled even wider as he removed his leather jacket and you immediately saw his full sleeve tattoo on his right arm. They were beautiful. It perfectly suits him.

“Thanks, doc. I’m happy that I didn’t dream about ‘that’ nightmare and I believe it’s because of the medicine that you prescribe me. You help me a lot.” He responds, sitting on the white sofa facing your desk.

When he is settled down on the couch in front of your office table, you press the ‘record’ button of your phone. You record your session with your patient for your advantage. It helps you review and recall the discussion that you had with them, and it’s useful whenever you’re writing a book. Having the recordings allows you to convey your words more precisely.

Of course, you always ask for their consent to record the conversation. However, there are patients who do not agree with it, and in such cases, you still record them. They wouldn't know, would they?

“Well, that’s good to know.” You said and got the folder placed on the side of your table and opened it. It’s the record of him for you to easily navigate his diagnoses. “Are you still visiting the gym like I’ve recommended to you?”

“Yes I do and it helps me to distract my mind to what happened. Going back to the gym helps me a lot, honestly. It’s hard to push myself to go back at first but as I was in there, it became easier.” His smile is like a pill that can light anyone’s mood. It is so bright and contagious. No one will guess that he suffers from post-traumatic stress disorder. He witnessed how his mother died in front of him exactly six months ago and he suffers a lot. He’s unable to talk for weeks after the incident happened and was advised to attend psychotherapy.

Right now, he has made significant progress, and you're glad about it. Throughout your sessions with him, you've observed how he copes with his trauma and understands what's going on in his mind. It's a major trauma for him to witness what happened to his mother. According to studies, women are more likely to develop PTSD than men, and you've handled multiple cases with women experiencing PTSD. However, in your years in this career, he is the only man you've treated with this specific diagnosis. It's a new experience for you, especially since it's your first encounter with a male patient with this condition. You've conducted extensive research, but there are still things your patient does that contradict what you've read.

“During the weekends, I spend all night reading your book, Dr. Y/N and it helps me so much. Plus, it’s good and I love it. I can’t wait for you to release the book that you’re writing right now. When did you plan on releasing them?” He crosses his legs as he looks at you with so much adoration.

“I haven’t finished writing it so I haven’t planned the date of release.” you replied, turning your attention back to the folder in your hand. “I’m glad that my books help you. Do you think that you’ve already overcome your trauma with the event that happened?” You looked at him and the smile that he had seconds ago was gone. His lips were formed into a straight line and he stared at you. It only happens for seconds and he immediately brings his bright expression once again.

“I’m not quite sure about that, Dr. Y/N. I may be happy right now, but later on, I’ll remember the tragic event once again.” He responded.

“It’s okay. It really happens. Healing from your trauma doesn’t happen in a short period of time. But eventually, you’ll be okay. It may not be right now nor tomorrow but one day,” you assured him.

“Will you leave me after I completely heal, Doc?” he leaned forward, his gaze intense. You didn’t respond right away and waited if he’s about to add more with his statement but turns out, he’s also waiting for your response.

“Well, that’s quite the opposite, Jungkook. You’ll be the one to leave me after our final session comes to an end.” You tried to smile. “And as your doctor, I genuinely want you to heal and move on to continue living with your life.”

“Then I’m not quite sure if I’ll be happy for our final session to come to an end.”

You achieved success as a psychiatrist and book author within just four years of your career. Your excellence in your work is a result of the praises you've received from people. You've built a strong reputation and you're determined to maintain it. While you may be at the top now, you know there's still a long road ahead. You're committed to continuing to excel in what you do and to break numerous records..

The day has finally ended and you are still inside your office room as you continue on writing your ongoing book. The paradox of choice. You’ve released three books and this is going to be your fourth one. You’ve been pouring your blood, sweat and tears in every book that you’ve released resulting in its success and you’re confident that this ongoing book will be the same.

You have nothing else to do except to work 24/7. You’ve been doing this for the past four years already and you have no problem with it. In fact, you love everything you do. But there are people who’s against your life cycle.

As you type on your laptop, your phone chimes, seeing a notification from your friend, Taehyung. He's been your friend since you were in diapers.

Taehyung: You’re not at home. Where are you?

You: Clinic. Why?

Taehyung: what the. At this hour?

You didn’t respond because you figured out that he doesn’t have anything to do but to disturb you and honestly, you don’t have the time for that.

Taehyung: Join me for dinner. It’s on me.

You: Can’t you eat by yourself and you have to treat me just for you to have dinner?

Taehyung: You talked as if we’re not friends. Come on, Y/N. I know you love your job but don’t wait until you are the one who becomes a patient.

Taehyung doesn’t understand you. You’re doing what you love and you don’t have a problem with it yet he thought that you were drowning yourself with work. You can choose what you want and you choose to burn yourself from work. You don’t have any problems with it.

You decide to fix your things and get ready for Taehyung to pick you up. As much as you love your career, you also cherish your friendship with him. He's your only friend, and you don't want to lose him. You've come to consider him as family.

“My father is asking me again if I can now run the business in New York." Taehyung said as he got the pork belly from the grill and placed it in his bowl of rice before he put it together in his mouth.

“Tell him you haven't decided." You respond subconsciously while wrapping the pork in the lettuce and eat it.

“What amazing advice coming from a therapist herself.” Taehyung smirked.

"What is your decision then?"

"I don't really know, Y/N." He released a deep breath and continued. "I do want to manage it but I can't. I love what I'm doing right now."

Since his teenage years, Taehyung has been destined to inherit his father's assets, including the family company. However, Taehyung chose a different path and became a successful musician and artist. He's content with his career until his father reminds him of his obligation to take over the family's oil company in New York. He has been wrestling with this difficult situation for years and has yet to find a solution.

“Try to do both.” You suggest while having a mouthful of pork belly.

“I don’t know if you’re fucking with me or what but damn, Y/N. If you’re my therapist, I’ll immediately leave your clinic and find another one.” Taehyung rolled his eyes and you tried not to laugh. "I can't choose both and you know that!"

You do want to help your friend to get out of this situation but the only thing you can do is give emotional and moral support because you don't have control over his family. You do feel sorry for him but you can't do much.

"The conflict between personal desires and altruistic choices has been common in dealing with ethical dilemmas. Choosing a decision between what you want and what your father wants that will be beneficial for the majority is quite a difficult situation and you need to weigh them according to how you see it. Your father has been there for you and in return, he wants you to handle his business not only for the benefit of him but also for you." You pause and take a bite of kimchi before you continue. "But you wanted to keep pursuing the career you have right now. It's a personal gain. It's up to you if you become selfish or selfless."

Many researchers have presented real-life ethical dilemmas and case studies to understand how people navigate decisions that involve personal desires and the welfare of others. These studies often highlight the complexity and context-dependency of such choices which is what Taehyung is experiencing right now.

If you were to decide with his situation, you'd choose to continue with his career that he has right now. Life is too short to become selfless. What society makes people believe can result in each and everyone's failure.

If he chooses to do what his father wants, it won't guarantee success, as he has no clue about running their business. And even if he manages to muster the passion to understand how it works, he might not only fail himself but also disappoint his father.

You ended the night with Taehyung bringing you back to the clinic to get your car. It was nice catching up with him once in a while and hopefully, it won't happen often. Taehyung has known you since forever and he knows that even if you love him, you will still choose your work over him.

You were about to open the door of the driver seat of your car when you felt something. Or more of someone.

You don't hear any noise coming from afar or nearby and you're certain that you're the only one who is at the parking lot in front of the clinic but you feel like there is a pair of eyes that's watching you. You're facing the two-story building of the clinic and catch sight of anyone but the only thing you see is a light coming from the entrance and nothing else.

You slowly turn around to see the surroundings and the only thing you see is a quiet night street illustrated by a few streetlights. There is no one, yet you can still feel that pair of eyes looking at you.

You weren't sure if it's because of overworking or the alcohol you've consumed tonight but you're certain that one of it is the reason why you are having this kind of imagination.

—

“Good morning, Yunjin. You look pale today. What’s wrong?” You looked at your patient that’s seated across the sofa in front of you. Her lips were paper thin and she continuously blinked her eyes. Yunjin is a 25-year old diagnosed with persistent depressive disorder and she's been your patient for a year already. Being diagnosed with depression can cause a lot of factors including imbalances in brain chemicals like serotonin and norepinephrine. These imbalances can occur in anyone, regardless of their external circumstances. In Yunjin’s situation, it’s caused by her genes and hormones and most likely, she inherited from her family.

Yunjin came from a well known family and her life is what every person dreams to have. She already has everything yet she still suffers with depression.

Not because a person has a wealthy and happy life doesn’t mean they do not encounter problems.

“It’s happening again. I’ve lost track of my motivation to continue painting.” She speaks hoarsely. “Last week, I’m pouring all my hardwork and energy into what I’m working on but now, I’ve messed up. And I don’t even know why I am doing this because my work is mediocre in the first place.”

“You know that’s not true, Yunjin. Your paintings are amazing. I love them so much, especially the one you gave me.” You said carefully.

“No, you don’t understand. My works are trash compared to others.” Her voice is already trembling—on the verge of crying.

“Everyone has a unique and creative way to express their works. Not because you think that the works of others are more creative means yours are not. Your paintings are a masterpiece, Yunjin and I won’t get tired of reminding you about that.”

Yunjin is one of your patients who is incredibly transparent. She is consistently honest and open about her feelings, and you have played a significant role in nurturing this honesty. Over your years of being a psychotherapist, you’ve encountered thousands of patients with different problems and diagnosis. You’ve known the ins and outs of them and you’ve mastered the meaning of every action they’ve made and words they’ve said. You also know if they’re telling the truth or not and you can spot it within a single session.

That’s what you’re known—for being an excellent psychiatrist.

However, you’re not yet perfect and still working with your skills. You know that you’re already great but there is still room for improvement.

Not because you’re confident with how you read your patients means that it’s the truth. Sometimes, they deceive you and that’s a case that you have to improve with yourself.

It’s almost five and a few moments from now, you’ll have your last patient for the day. The truth is, you’re already exhausted with all the work you did today and given that it’s friday. Tomorrow, it’s a rest day, therefore, things should be done until today if you want to enjoy the weekend. But in your case, you’ll most probably work with the book you’re currently writing.

Jeon Jungkook is your last patient for the day and hopefully, after the session, both of you will feel relief.

“Hello, Dr. Y/N. You look so tired. Are you okay?” Jungkook asked you as he removed his bomber jacket revealing his full sleeve tattoo. He has a taste in fashion and it suits him so well. With his tall and muscular body, he can wear anything and still look stunning. Beside his body build, Jungkook is handsome. With his beautiful doe eyes and perfect smile, he can captivate anyone. And it’s something that you should be cautious about.

“I’m fine, Jungkook. You don’t have to worry about me.” You slightly smile and insist him to sit on the sofa. “Please take a seat. How are you?” You try to energize your voice to hide your exhaustion.

"Today was supposed to be great until one of my employees messed around at work. His name is Bryan, and ever since he got hired, he's been getting on my nerves. If it weren't for the fact that he's my uncle's son, I would have fired him right from the beginning," he began, settling into his seat.

“What happened?”

“He lost the memory card of the camera I used from the photoshoot yesterday and now, we had to redo the shoot.” His eyebrows scrunch as he tightens his lips.

“Your feelings are valid, Jungkook. It’s okay to feel that way. What you can do to control your emotions when you’re in that situation is to leave and take a break where you can breathe.”

“You’re right. But now, I feel okay. Relief even. I just fired him from being incompetent. Someone like him doesn’t belong in my studio, anyway.”

You take a pause to look at him. He looks at you with a blank stare and when he does that, he’s unbothered or doesn’t care. You admit that he’s not easy to read but you’ve learned to master his gesture and there is something about him that feels off.

“Can you tell me why his action results in you firing him?”

“Because he’s useless and I don’t need useless people in my team.” He responds like the answer is already obvious.

“Don’t you think that he can improve?” His gaze intensifies and after a moment, he smirks.

“My studio is not a training ground, Dr. Y/N. It’s a place where you should already master what you’re doing.” His fingers move in his lips to play with it, eyes still bore at you.

“I’ve established my business from the scratch and I’ve poured my blood sweat and tears just for my business to be in where it is now. Perhaps, I have the right to do anything that's better for my studio. I know what my worth is. Don’t you think, Dr. Y/N?”

He’s full of himself. But you didn’t say that.

“Well, you have a point, Jungkook. But you’re the one who said it. Your studio is made from scratch and perhaps, you know what being in your lowest point feels like.” You try to smile genuinely. “It’s okay to know your worth and at the same time, look back where you came from.” You looked at his medical records and proceeded. “How’s your condition? Are you still experiencing anxiety?”

“30 minutes ago. When I was traveling to get here.”

“Why? What’s running in your mind?” He wiggled his ankle and continued to play with his lips, thinking of the answer.

“I was nervous during the ride. I don’t know but sometimes, you make me feel nervous.” He let out a playful chuckle.

“Why?”

“The fact that you knew everything about me makes me feel something. You’ve known everything about me yet I don’t know a single thing about you.” You don’t understand what's his point so you try to laugh to ease the heavy feeling you feel right now.

“Of course, you knew me, Jungkook. You’ve mentioned that you knew me even before the session started.” You give him a smile and you put down the folder that you are holding right now.

"Yeah, I know you, Doc. Everyone knows you. I'm aware of everything that's public about you. What I want to know is who Dr. Y/N is without her MD and PhD. What do you do during your days off, and what are your hobbies besides helping people with their problems?" He glanced at the wall beside you, where a painting of you hangs. It's a picture of you that people can see in your books, a gift from Yunjin.

You’ve known Jeon Jungkook with his traumas and all however, you don’t know what he’s up to right now. He entered your clinic being a fragile person with his traumas and right now, it felt like you’re talking to another person. Maybe because this is him without his diagnosis.

And you don’t know how to feel about it.

—

It’s a photoshoot day for a magazine featuring you as a doctor and an author as well. It’s a media organization focusing on psychology and human behavior and you’re delighted to be featured for the upcoming magazine. You’ve already featured in some magazine but this time, it’s different because it’s ‘Psychology Today.’

You’re now on your way going to the studio with your team along with your agent, Kim. You seem to look calm and relax but deep down, nervousness is wrapping your insides. It is by far the biggest media organization where you will be featured and it’s another achievement of yours.

As you get out of your car, you weren’t surprised that the location where the photoshoot is going to be held is this enormous. It’s a four-story building located at the center of the city. You’re not sure if the media organization also owns this but as you looked at the name of the building, it looks like it isn’t.

GCF Studio

As you enter the building, you are greeted by enthusiastic guards and staff, which motivates you even more for this shoot with them. The interior is minimalist, with the entire first floor being plain white. When you walk through the glass door, the first thing you see is the reception desk. To the right, there are couches and a coffee table where people can wait, and to the left, there's a cafeteria. You walk straight ahead toward the elevator, and one of your assistants presses the button for the third floor.

As the elevator door opened, you were greeted by a hallway with various doors, clearly indicating it's a working area where the shoot takes place. You walk a few steps before entering through double doors, where you find a bustling room filled with people busy at work. It resembles a dressing room but on a larger scale, with various outfits hanging, and several vanity mirrors where people can prepare for their shoot. It's fantastic.

“Good morning Dr. Y/N. Before we proceed with the shoot, I’d like to discuss with you what look you’ll be having for today. You also have full control of what you would like to look at and we’re here to assist you.” You are greeted by a young male with full of feminine energy. He’s tall and petite wearing a white blouse and a sweater that is hanging on his shoulder. He leads the way and you smile before you follow him.

You’ve thought that this photoshoot will only take an hour of your time but you’re wrong because an hour just passed and they were still dressing you up. You didn’t feel uncomfortable because everyone is approachable and enthusiastic. They made you feel that you’re indeed their client.

After an hour and a half of preparation, you finally entered the photoshoot studio, and once again, you found many people inside. You're not entirely sure about each person's specific role here, but everyone is clearly occupied.

But the atmosphere immediately changed when the door swung open. It was chaotic seconds ago and right now, everyone is silent looking at the person who just entered.

You saw a familiar figure. His tall and muscular figure is very familiar to you. He’s wearing a black slacks and a casual long sleeve polo that’s folded up until his elbow where you can clearly see half of his tattoo while his hair is pulled back.

Jeon Jungkook is undeniably handsome and he knows it.

“What’s this chaos? I told you that once I’ve entered the studio, everything should be ready.” His voice was threatening as he spoke with authority. A side of him that you’re not surprised to see.

What surprised you is the fact that he’s inside of the studio.

What is he doing here?

Everyone works silently as if they were being oppressed in their workplace. They were enthusiastic and approachable seconds ago and it all changed when he entered inside.

“Good morning, Dr. Y/N. It wasn’t obvious how you look surprised to see me here, aren’t you?” Jungkook gave you a boastful smile like he doesn’t look threatening a few moments ago.

A sign of bipolar disorder.

“Welcome to GCF Studio where there is no room for failure.”

You will be working with one of your patients and you’re not even aware of that.

Ethically, there is nothing wrong with working with your patients outside the session but you aren’t fond of that. The idea of working with your patient outside the session doesn’t suit you and particularly with the patient that is in front of you right now.

You haven’t thought of the reason why but you just don’t.

Everything is already set up, and you are now behind the backdrop while Jungkook is holding the camera, ready to capture everything. You're confident in the outcome of this shoot, but at this moment, it feels like everything is crashing down at your feet. Everyone is looking at you with high hopes for the result of this photoshoot, and you wouldn't want to ruin it.

“Smile for me, Y/N.”

—

You don’t know how you manage to end the photoshoot smoothly knowing that Jungkook is making you uncomfortable. You were mad at yourself because you don’t know why you felt that way. He isn’t doing anything but to do his job in taking a photo of you.

Now that you're home, you don't have anything to be distressed about when thinking about what happened during the shoot.

You have to admit that there is something wrong with his words and actions. There are signs that he’s becoming manipulative and a sudden change of mood. He's self-absorbed and lacks remorse for others. You’ve been thinking that there are other diagnoses with his actions and behaviors however, you cannot suddenly show up and tell what other illness he has. You still have to observe your sessions with him.

You have now freshen up and are ready to rest but you decide to visit your office to check your schedule for tomorrow and the following days. You only have one patient for tomorrow and most of your schedules are meetings. Before you log out, you glance at the folder of Jungkook in your patient list and you click it subconsciously.

Jeon Jungkook, 31-year old male who suffers from PTSD, after surviving an extremely traumatic incident.

He witnessed his mother die in front of him and aside from that, he was also shot in his left thighs twice. And it happens in the comfort of their home.

The suspect? A loan shark who’s coming for his mother.

There are a lot of questionable things that happened during the incident and one of them is how come that he always claimed to have a successful business while his mother is buried in debt? He also claimed that he doesn’t know about the debt of his mother. There are several inconsistencies in his story but the bottom line is, the loan shark surrendered and is now in maximum security prison for murdering his mother.

You transfer the recordings you made over the following days to your computer and listen to one of them, specifically the conversations you had with Jungkook.

You have 12 sessions in total with him and you have 5 more sessions left before it finally comes to an end. You don’t count the remaining number of sessions with your patient until now.

—

You love to read books during your free time, However, it most likely does not happen due to your busy schedule. But right now, you take a break from everything and decide to go on a date with yourself. You don’t normally take a break but you’re becoming busier than usual and you don’t want to risk your health because you know that there are a lot of people that need you.

You’re not a fan of going out and you prefer to stay at home and rest but getting out of your comfort zone won’t hurt you. You decided to visit your favorite cafe and do your thing there. You dislike rowdy places, that’s why you went early in the morning where people are still in the comfort of their bed.

You underestimate the morning and how you’re used to people getting up mostly before lunch yet there are people who also like you—waking up at 6 in the morning to get a morning coffee in their favorite cafe.

“Dr. Y/N! You’re here!” You lift your head to see Jeon Jungkook standing in front of you with his bright smile while holding a cup of coffee.

Among all the people you could meet here, you don't understand why it had to be him.

“Jungkook. I didn’t know you’re here.” You try to return the smile and you almost fail when he sits in front of you.

He’s wearing a casual polo shirt and a pair of ripped jeans. Unlike the last time you saw him, every strand of his hair is falling into a harmonious arrangement. It looks so soft and suits him well. He looked effortlessly handsome as usual.

“Just grab a coffee and then, I saw you.” He smiles sweetly before he gazes down at the book you’re reading. “I don’t know why I am surprised that you like reading books even for the fact that you’re an author.”

"I read when I have time," you respond. "How are you?" you add, trying to steer the conversation away from yourself.

“I’m doing amazing. I’m continuing to write in my journal like what you suggest. It does help me a lot, Dr. Y/N.” He takes a sip from his coffee as he gets comfortable in his seat. He’s not leaving any moment now.

“That’s good. Journaling really works.” You just said whatever is in your mind because you’re thinking of an excuse to leave.

“That’s right. But we’re not in the session right now, Doc. We don’t always have to talk about me.” He leans backward as he glances at your book once again. “The four agreements. I’ve read that book before. It’s good. You’re really into self-help books, aren’t you? You like to write and read about them.”

“Yes. It does help me to improve my writing. How about you? I didn’t know that you also read nonfiction books.”

“I started to read because of your books, Doc.” He looks at your eyes filled with tenderness, traced the curves of your face as if he's memorizing it.

He’s been looking at you like that lately as if he wants you to drown with the way he stares. The way he looks at you carries an underlying tone, and truthfully, that's one of the reasons why you've become uncomfortable around him.

“I’m glad that I’ve encouraged you to read books.” You answer while looking at your wrist watch hoping that he understands that you wanted to leave already.

“Your photos from the last time were amazing. Our team has already sent you the soft copy. Did you receive it?” You do but you didn’t tell him.

“I haven’t seen it but I’ll check it out later.” You looked at your wrist watch once again.

“Yeah, you should. They were amazing. You’re stunning as always.” His eyes twinkled but you didn’t notice that.

“I want to thank you and your team for working hard on this shoot. I do appreciate it so much.” you smile and look at your wrist watch for the last time. “I’m afraid that I have to leave you right now. I already have to go home.”

“That fast? We haven’t talked a lot, Doc.” He fixed you with a steadfast gaze and you were caught off-guard. You’re thinking of what to respond but you were out of words. After a few seconds, he chuckles. “I was just kidding, Doc. I know how busy you are and I understand that.”

You let out a nervous laugh. “I apologize, Jungkook. There are a lot of things that I have to do. But I’ll see you on tuesday.”

“You don’t have to apologize because I understand. Yes, I’ll see you on Tuesday, Dr. Y/N.”

—

Tuesday came and you just woke up yet you already wanted to end this day. It’s strange that you haven’t properly started your day but you already feel heavy to move forward. Yesterday was exhausting for all the work you’ve done and you didn’t get home until 10pm, however, it doesn’t justify your heavy feeling right now. You’ve experienced worse so you don’t understand why you feel this way.

As you make your way to the clinic, you receive numerous work-related calls, and you're already feeling tired from answering them. However, you have no choice but to attend to them.

“Good morning, Dr. Y/N. Your first patient has already arrived. Do you want me to let him wait inside your office or here in the lobby?” The receptionist spoke on the other line.

“You can let him in. I’m almost there.” When the traffic light turns green, you already move. “Is it Mr. Park?” You asked.

“No. It’s Mr. Jeon, Doc.”

Damn. That’s why the morning feels heavy.

As you arrive inside your office, you spot Jungkook in the corner looking at the frames that are standing in the chest drawers. The air conditioner is already on–Soyeon the receptionist must have turned it on. He immediately turned his head towards you when you opened the door and greeted you with his charming smile.

“Good morning, Dr. Y/N. I thought you'd take longer to arrive because the receptionist already let me in.” He greeted and walked his way towards the sofa–where your patient normally sits.

“I was stuck in the traffic. You know, morning rush hour.” You responded as you placed your things on your office table.

Jungkook is a punctual person. He may arrive early or on time but he is never late. If you count the things that you like about him, you’re counting nothing because that’s the only thing you like about him.

“How are you?” Is the first thing you asked him when you get comfortable with your seat. You press the record button on your phone that's hidden from him.

“Bad. I met my father last night and I wish I didn’t.” He brushed his hair back and slouched on his seat.

It's the first time he mentioned his father at the beginning of a conversation because he never does unless you ask about it. From his descriptions, his father seems like a terrible person. He never fulfilled his role as a father, often creating conflicts with his mother. His family life seems chaotic, and you believe it might be one of the reasons he's become the person he is today.

“Why did you meet him?”

“He just showed up to my house without permission to talk about bullshit. My life is already at peace and he’s ruining it.” His jaw tightened.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Your eyes locked into him as you try reading his mind. You know that every patient that walks into your office has different problems in life and they are sometimes hard to predict but this man in front of you is something else. There is something in him that you couldn’t understand.

“No. He’s a waste of time. He’s really… Okay, I’ll talk about him briefly. He’s a horrible person and he doesn’t deserve to be a father to me. I never got to experience the love from a father because the only thing that he gave me is hatred. He always gets drunk and gamble and he cheated with my mom multiple times. I’m not going to be surprised when I find out that I have other siblings from different mothers. He’s the worst person I’ve known.”

You find his explanation vague but you didn’t think much about it and you let him continue.

“Do you have other instances where you see the different side of your father? Something that makes him a person to you?” You asked.

“None. Even during childhood. Especially now that he only wants money from me. He and mother are very similar to each other. Maybe that’s why they end up together. They both pissed me off and even though my mother is not here anymore, I can remember her because of my shitty father.”

You were taken aback with what he just said. He never badmouthed his mother until now. When he discussed his mother, there is nothing else he said rather than how he misses her and how she’s a great mother to him.

But you didn’t say anything about it and let him elaborate what he just said.

“Do you think that your parents do the same thing?” You asked–hoping that he doesn’t suspect your question.

“Yeah. They may be doing it in different ways of being a shitty person but they are the same for being useless parents.” He puts his index finger on his lips and slowly rubs it while resting his elbow on the arm rest, looking at you with intensity.

You’re finding a word to say but you found nothing. You wanted to look away but it would indicate that he caught you off-guard.

You saw a glimpse of his demonic character for a second. His eyes that had once been warm and inviting, now bore into you with an unnerving intensity as if trying to peer into your soul.

He spoke once again and his voice took on a low, whispery, and the words that slipped from his lips sent chills down your spine.

"Maybe that's why she died. Now, I wonder when my father will be next."

—

You're standing on the side of the street embracing the subtle chill in the air as the city lights painted the night with different colors. People are walking by and snippets of hushed conversations drifted on the breeze while the flow of traffic added to the scene with vehicles weaving through the crowd.

You don’t know why Taehyung is taking so long to arrive. You’ve been waiting for him on the sidewalk for 10 minutes already when in fact, he should have been here 30 minutes ago. You’re going to come with him on his event show because he’s been annoying you for the whole week to come with him and for him to stop, you just agreed.

What pisses you off more is that he's running late, and your stomach is growling. You haven't had dinner because Taehyung assured you that he'd swing by the drive-thru to grab something for you to eat.

You're waiting for Taehyung, but someone else showed up in front of you.

“Dr. Y/N, hi!” You met Jeon Jungkook’s eyes with his bright and warm smile. He’s wearing a gray hoodie and skinny jeans that fit him perfectly. You looked in the surroundings of him if he's with someone and it seems that there’s none.

“Hello, Jungkook. You’re heading somewhere?” You gave him a warm smile that hopefully, doesn’t look like it’s forced.

“Yeah. I’m going out for dinner. I was actually in that building,” He pointed out the building behind you and it looked like a law firm office. “I already saw you when I entered there but I didn’t have the chance to greet you because I’m in a hurry and now, you’re still here.” He glances at the road and returns his eyes to you. “You’re waiting for someone?”

“Uhm, yeah. I am.” You looked at your phone to see if Taehyung had a message but there’s none.

“You’ve been here for a couple of minutes already. Are you sure that they are still going to make it here?”

“Yeah. Maybe they—

You were taken aback when your stomach started to growl and heck, it’s so loud that you want the grounds to eat you alive. You were sure that your face was burning red and you couldn’t bear to make eye-contact with him as your gaze fixed elsewhere.

You glance at him as a soft chuckle rumbles in his throat. “I already hate the person that keeps you waiting in hunger. You know what, I’d love to treat you for dinner with me and drive you to your destination afterwards. Or we can just go to a drive-thru.” If he’s someone else, maybe you will consider his offer.

“No, it’s okay Jungkook. You don’t have to do that.” You glance at your phone to pretend that someone messages you. “My friend is already on his way. You can go.”

“Your friend of yours is really something else. What kind of man is he for making you wait for so long on the street with your stomach empty?” His voice took on a sharp edge as his eyebrows knitted together.

“I’m really fine. You don’t have to think about me.” You force a smile as you bite the inside of your cheeks.

“I insist, Dr. Y/N. I really want to treat you for being there for me during my worst days. You help me a lot and I want to get you something to show my appreciation. It’s nothing big and I will be guilty if I just leave you here.”

“I really appreciate your gesture, Jungkook, but I have other plans. Maybe next time?” You smile hoping that he understands that you don’t really want to go with him.

“With the same guy that made you wait in the cold air? Oh come on, Doc. You know better.” He spoke in a pompous tone, as if he proved that Taehyung is a horrible guy.

“You can make up to me some other time. I’m really–

You haven’t finished your sentence when Taehyung’s audi arrives beside you and he instantly gets out to meet your gaze.

“Y/N! I’m sorry for keeping you waiting. The traffic is so heavy.” He didn’t notice Jungkook until he opened the passenger’s seat and slowly glanced beside you. Jungkook released a sarcastic laugh and glared at Taehyung.

“What a surprise that Kim Taehyung–a famous musician and artist let a lady wait in the cold breeze with an empty stomach. I didn’t know that you’re such a gentleman, Taehyung.” He spoke in a mocking tone as Taehyung looked at him in confusion.

“I’m sorry, who are you?”

“You wouldn’t want to know.” He arched a brow before he returned his gaze to you. “If you really insist on being with this guy, then I’ll leave you already. I just hope that he won’t completely ruin your precious night.” He said before he finally turned around and walked away–placing his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. When he’s already out of sight, you turn your head to Taehyung and glare at him.

“What?” You suddenly smack his chest before you hopped in the car.

“Damn you.”

—

It didn't take long before Jungkook was back, sitting on the couch in front of you. You’ve realized that your day always feels heavy every Tuesday of the week and that is whenever you’re going to have a session with him.

You've tried to shake off the discomfort you feel when he's in front of you because you regret thinking of him differently from your other patients, but every time you try, he makes it worse.

“Are you taking your medicines I’ve prescribed you?” You scan his record file that you’re holding.

“Yeah. I consistently take them, Doc.” He responded as he smugly looked at you and before you think of negative thoughts of him, you already returned your gaze back to the folder.

“Are you still having nightmares during your sleep?” He didn’t instantly respond like he’s thinking about the question carefully.

“I do. I still do, Dr. Y/N. But it wasn’t worse, unlike what I have for the last months.”

“Then it’s a good sign. You’re now improving. Are you still thinking about the incident?” You give him a genuine smile while he slowly crosses his legs and places both of his arms on the arm rest.

“Yes, but not as frequently as before. I love my mother so much but I’ve learned to let her go and accept the fate she has. Afterall, it was her fault.” He was looking at the painting that Yunjin had given you as he answered. He doesn’t have much of a reaction but his last sentence caught your attention.

“Why do you think that it’s her fault?” You ask in your soft voice.

“You see, my mother isn’t the perfect mother and she has her mistakes and sometimes, she doesn’t learn from them. She keeps doing the same thing until she has to pay for it and that costs her life.” He responded.

“Do you want to talk about the mistakes that your mother made?” He smiled and played with his lips once again. You’ve noticed that he’s doing that if he finds something funny or there are things that he knows and you don’t.

“But we will take forever if we discuss it right now, Dr. Y/N. But if you’re really interested, we can talk about it over dinner. You promised me last time that you’ll come with me for dinner.” You mentally rolled your eyes with his statement. Here he goes again.

“Not right now. I still have a lot of things to do but we can talk about other things like how great your mother is.” You said and he laughed—as if your statement is absurd. You try to not raise your brows with his action and behavior.

“Let's not talk about that, either.”

You were doing your best to understand his actions and statements but there is something in him that you haven’t seen. Something that will answer everything

“But I will tell you how I see my mother during the incident.” He leaned forward and intertwined his fingers “When my mother is kneeling and begging for her life, I was thinking that ‘damn. It’s really happening, isn't it?’. And when the trigger was pulled, the world stopped. And after a few moments, I felt a sense of relief and before I knew it, I was shot as well.” His voice was soft and light as if he’s confessing something that he should have confessed before.

You felt a shiver down your spine as the creeping horror crawled along your arms, raising goosebumps. You held unflinching eye contact, determined to keep your composure and hide the discomfort and fear you felt.

“Where were you when your mom was being shot?” You asked as you held your breath.

This question is already asked during the investigation. ‘I’m in the living room, 10 feet away from her. When I saw her position and situation, I immediately ran towards her but it was too late because before I even reached her, she was already shot in the chest. It didn’t take 10 seconds of my life before I was shot as well’.

But you still ask him once again. Away from the detectives.

“I was there, I told you.”

“Yes, but in what position?” Your hands are already trembling.

“I was standing,” He took a deep breath before he continued. His next sentence didn’t surprise you because it was something you already expect but trying to deny it to yourself, and it terrifies you, so much that you thought that this may be your last day.

“After I was shot, I collapsed, along with the gun I was holding.”

a/n: I'm almost done with the whole series so I've decided to post the first part. I hope you'll like this new fic because I enjoy writing it! I am open for comments to further improve my works. Have a nice day everyone!

taglist: @iloverubberduckiez-blog @kingofbodyrolls @fangirl-death-rose @looneybleus @softie00

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princessozera · 10 months ago

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so, random thought, there's a good chance the demon bros inadvertently harmed mc in some capacity just because human and demon limits are so vastly different, and the main human any have had contact with is Solomon, whose humanity is somewhat debatable. mc might act like they're invincible, but they are human in the end, and human durability is largely that we can keep going after almost any injury, not that we don't get injured

like Lucifer strings them up as he would his brothers, forgetting (assume he's really tired or stressed or whatever) that doing so puts a lot of pressure on the body and can cause actual damage instead of just being annoying like it is to his brothers. depending on how exactly he ties them up it'd change the effects but it's never gonna be great for them

Mammon running away from shenanigans with them and he tugs on their hand a bit too hard and fast to get them safely around a corner and dislocates their shoulder in the process because force = mass x speed and Mammon is a speedy boy. or he's running from Lucifer and slams into them at top speed, and if they can't protect their head from the wall/floor you know Mams is freaking out because mc is all out of it and there's so much blood and he doesn't care how Lucifer punishes him as long as he makes sure mc is alright

otaku Levi with his nonexistent sleep schedule doesn't realise just how badly sleep deprivation affects humans. paranoia, weakened immune system, depersonalisation, all the way to sleep deprivation psychosis. you go 96 hours or 4 days without sleep and lemme tell you, you ain't properly attached to reality anymore. been there, done that, would not recommend. there were bugs crawling all over my arms and legs and shadow people whispering. fucking sucked, and I was constantly shaking so I kept dropping stuff

if anyone knows about human durability, at least in theory, it's Satan, but the avatar of wrath can be emotionally charged. he really didn't mean to hurt them, but he was trying so hard not to lose it that day and as he led mc out of his room so they wouldn't be caught in the inevitable explosion, his deadly sharp claws nicked their skin. the wounds were mostly superficial— hurt like a bitch but no major arteries were damaged— but there was quite a lot of blood and Satan felt sick in a way he never had before. humans scar easily, a useful trait to close open wounds quickly, but Satan hates that he was the cause of those raised lines

Asmo is probably best at remembering since he hangs out with Solomon and has had human lovers before, but he is mostly around Solomon who cannot die. so he doesn't always remember what is and isn't toxic for humans, especially since a lot of poisons are used in medicines at lower doses and a lot of things we need to live are poisonous if we consume enough. it'd only take one slip up to put mc in hospital, and of course they don't blame him but he begs Satan to teach him as much as he can so it never happens again

you know Beel would try his best to remember, and he'd feel horribly guilty if he ever hurt mc, but he's big and strong even by demon standards and can eat anything that isn't Solomon's cooking. there's a few ways this one could go— sharing food with them that's toxic to humans, hugging them a bit too hard, mc giving him their food and going hungry, they work out together and they get hurt... take your pick

and Belphie knows all too well how fragile mc is, so he's very careful with his demonic strength around them. he already killed them once with barely any effort. but one day he wakes up from napping with mc to find he held them too hard and they're bruising. maybe his arm curled around their neck as it bloomed black and blue once again. Belphie doesn't nap with them for a while after that

! ANON! 💕💕💕💕

I don't know how you sniped me from across the highway but whump/injuries are exactly my cup of obsession and I've thought about this forever- i just never really had enough to make a full post. I LOVE your ideas and I hope you dont mind me bouncing some of my own off them;

----

Lucifer and his funny little habit of hanging his brothers 💕 Say he takes pity on MC, makes sure they're right side up, nothing around the neck and only tied beneath the arms and around the legs. Plans to take them down in 5 minutes, really it was meant to be the pet equivalent of air jail. But a call here, difficulties there and 5 minutes turn to 10 and then it slips to 15. It's so little time, absolutely nothing compared to the nights he's left Mammon up over the banister.

So why are there screams in the hall? Why are Asmo, Mammon and Levi on the phone with Solomon, Barbatos, and Simeon respectively? He doesn't understand why they don't immediatley drop MC down, only catching the tail end of Solomon explaing something called "suspension trauma" to Asmo. When they do get MC down, even from a distance he can see the color is almost completely gone from their face, while their legs are a few shades darker. He watches Satan mouth out the count for MC's pulse, quick and staggering. When MC wakes, they can't seem to take a proper breath- gasping, clutching their chest, tearing up and confused. There isn't much more any of them can do, other than stand back and hand MC over to Barbatos and Solomon.

----

In a movie, it would be considered slapstick comedy, the way that Mammon skid around a corner full speed, carpet pulling under his feet , hip checking the wall as he ran away from Lucifer. In a movie it would be hilarious they way him and MC crashed, sending them literally flying back, head bouncing off the wall, swirls in their eyes and stars dancing around their head. In a movie they would only need to shake it off and get up to yell at him, with Lucifer standing back and watching in smug satisfaction.

But there wasn't anything funny about this, MC slumped in his arms, blood turning his tshirt into a darker shade of black, making it tacky and stick onto his skin. They're awake, sort of? But their pupils aren't the same size, and the speech is slurred. There's a truce as Lucifer heals MC, and they get them to a proper doctor.

Mammon gets better at ducking and weaving around MC, it even helps him evade Lucifer better. But MC doesn't escape the dislocated shoulders, and unwanted popping of their knuckles when Mammon holds their hand too hard. Neither had known that after the first dislocation, its a lot easier to dislocate your should again. It's never intentional, but it always hurts- MC tries to breathe through it if there is an urgency, but Mammon catches the way they pointedly look away, trying to blink the tears away, and knows that he's- once again- failed to keep MC out of harm.

---------

Levi being MC's energy drink dealer. He doesnt know why they dont but their own, but he has plenty so he ultimately doesnt mind sharing. They're not attached at the hip so he doesnt see how little sleep MC is getting, a single can carrying them through 2 whole days. They know its time to 1-up again when their heart stops sounding like helicopter blades.

He finds them on the floor of their room, rubbing their arms raw with the hard bristle brush Asmo uses to buff his horns, babbling incoherently to themselves.

-----

With Satan the physical is NEVER intentional, as much as he used to rage in the early days of the fall, the thought of hurting MC didn't sit well with him. But tiny nicks are so easy to cause when even his regular nails are sharper than a humans'. If MC can keep their reactions subtle, it wont be until Satan is laying in their lap that he notices the "freckles" on their arms don't quite lay flat.

When you're used to fast reflexes, you don't think twice about slamming a door in someone's face. Someone (MC) who was too close and now has a broken, bloody nose. Now whenever the snore in their sleep, or their nose whistles when they laugh too hard, Satan remembers opening the door to MC doubled over, blood leaking from between their fingers as they tried to put pressure on the bridge of their nose.

-------

Dosage and concentration.

Asmo is vaugely familiar with these terms- SPF strength, alcohol proofing, acidity in his skin care. He's had so many spa nights with Solomon that he doesn't think twice about sharing his skin care routine with MC as well. Powders, gels, creams, exfoliants. Some a bit too harsh, MC's skin turns warm and flush, so he thinks their skin is sensitive. He'd ask for help caring for his wings and horns. MC goes in with their bare hands to get a good scrub, attributing the burn to the rough edges and upturned edges of Asmo's horns. It feels like icyhot, so it must be working. When they're done, Asmo tries to take the rest of the cream off their hands to apply to his hands, but they both scream as a visible layer of skin from MC starts peeling off as well. The acid having fulling numbed and killed off most of the senses in MC's hand, had started to deteriorate the skin, and its by some small blessing that MC hadnt already applied it to their face. It takes a panicked called to Solomon to get the feeling back into MC's hands, but it still takes weeks for the skin to grow back on to their hands. The pain of bandages on raw muscle is excruciating, and Asmo sticks to them like glue, fully taking the blame for their condition.

-----

Beel and Belphie have another trauma to share as twins- nearly killing MC in their sleep! Beel doesnt understand how heavy an unconcious body can be, and being as large as he is, this becomes a problem the first time him and MC share a bed. He falls asleep with an arm draped over them, but exhaustion from practice has him rolling on to them. Even if not entirely covering them, the weight on their chest makes it hard to breathe and MC soon drops nicities and is trying their damnest to get him off or at least wake him up. Its a panicked use of the pacts to call another brother that saves them, and Beel cant sleep for the rest of the night.

Belphie doesn't have as many night terrors these days, but they can still get bad. Usually sleeping with MC can keep these dreams at bay, but on nights that they dont, he wakes up to find MC tossed onto the floor or squeezed between him and the wall. On the worsts of these nights, he woke up to MC screaming, having wrapped a hand and tail so tightly around their arm that it shattered in 2 places.

(Can I also offer a beel and belphie alternative: MC wanting to match Beel's stamina/ gym workout time and getting muscle deterioration. Belphie wanting a sleeping partner so he messes up their sleeping cycles, 10+ hrs asleep, accidentally depriving them of light, water, and food, causing a depressive episode)

#ozera talks back #anon i am proposing #obey me shall we date #long post

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cheerfullycatholic · 4 months ago

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Hey, this is totally random, and honestly I apologize for dumping this out on your blog. But I need to talk to someone and I don't know what to do.

Hi, I've been in a relationship for about 4 years now. I love him with all of my heart. But I've been thinking of leaving.

I need to know if I'm justified in this. If maybe this is a push from God, or something, to get out.

He's always been insecure, I've always had to reassure him. Constantly. It was fine at first, but it's exhausting sometimes. It feels like I have no privacy. When I am on my phone, he asks what I am doing, when I am talking to someone, he asks what we are talking about and makes sure that I'm "not talking about him". I have to tell him what I write in my journal, just in case it's about him. He says he doesn't read it, but I don't entirely believe him, or think he wouldn't.

He usually sits in the bathroom while I shower. If I have my phone to play music, it's suspicious to him. If I'm on the couch or anything and my phone is face down, it's suspicious to him.

He has gone through my phone before behind my back. He has told me about the one time, but I suspect there's others.

He doesn't want to go through RCIA or attend Catholic mass. Something I have been passionate about, or at least was, until he ruined it. We would fight every time I wanted to go to church. He would make me feel so selfish for dragging him along. So I stopped fighting it. I never asked him to be a member. I just asked him to learn with me, to explore. But he doesn't want to. Now, he wants to pick a different church. I said I would. Because I don't know what else to do. Mind you, it is non negotiable that we have to attend the same church, he will not compromise.

We talk to each other about our expenses which I don't mind, but often, when I want to buy things, he calls it a waste of money. But when he wants to buy things, it's not. I have spoke to him about this, it doesn't seem to change.

We have to eat the same foods for dinner. I can't eat things that are different from him. I don't know why.

I have an opportunity to get a college degree with a mild commute. He doesn't want me to take it because we won't work in the same town anymore. And he is worried I will meet someone more interesting and leave.

I have told him that I'm doing it no matter what. But when I bring it up, he shuts down, or gets angry.

Our intimate life has been lacking, as I have had issues with pain during and after, and hormonal imbalances, due to possible Endo. While I know it's been out of wack for the better part of two years, and that can be frustrating, it seems he really isn't understanding about it. After about 3 weeks going without intimacy, he gets depressed, and ends up either arguing with me, or making me feel bad because it must mean that "he's not attractive to me" or "I think he's gross". I can understand insecurities stemming from that. But it's a struggle for me too, and I'm literally scheduled for a surgery to fix things and diagnose. That doesn't seem to matter. I feel like I have to constantly prove myself loyal to him. Even though he says he trusts me, I constantly have to tell him I'm not cheating on him.

I can't talk to him about this, because I'm almost certain nothing will change, and it will just make him more insecure. I'll have to reassure him more. And I can't. I don't have any more to give. I can't talk to anyone about this through text or anything because I know he'll find out somehow. That's why I'm doing an anon ask, so that it will not be in my notifications.

Am I wrong for feeling suffocated? Is this unhealthy? I don't know what to do. I have no family where I live, they're halfway across the country. I feel so trapped.

Oh my gosh, Anon, that's awful. I can't imagine how hard being in that position must be and I'll be praying for you both 🖤

You are absolutely justified in leaving and I recommend you do so soon. I won't rant but, man, that is far from a healthy relationship and you deserve better. But please, be safe. I hate to assume, but do you think he'd be the type to lash out? Just from what you've told me, I personally wouldn't trust him to just let me leave. If you think it wouldn't be safe, maybe have a friend or even a police officer there with you, just in case. I wish I knew what else to say. Maybe someone else will have something to add?

I really hope you'll both be okay and that you'll be able to get through this safely. I wish there was more I could do

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genericpuff · 5 months ago

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As someone who can't afford to go to animation school n adores your work- are there any advice or tips they taught you could share that transfer to art or comics? I know you talked about learning how to properly reference things which I admit I think I and a lot of other artists struggle with knowing how to do

Ironically enough, as much as I learned that I do NOT have the patience for animating (which is... ironic, considering all the patience that's required to make a comic LMAO) I did still learn a lot from it that I was able to take into comics. Storyboarding was one of the more obvious ones, as storyboards are basically just the "still versions" of an animation before it's been animated, with establishing shots, camera pans, dialogue shots, etc. all of which you'd find utilized in a comic.

Alongside that was learning how to draw consistently. Turnaround sheets are a shared practice in both animation and comics, they're necessary to creating an ongoing project that features the same core cast of characters. Learning how to draw the same characters the exact same way every time in a way that's both consistent and efficient is crucial.

That said, aside from those little starting tips, I do hope that some day you're able to find the means to go to school for animation or whatever it is that you're desiring to go into and learn. Yes, post-secondary schooling is expensive, and there are a lot of risks in pursuing a diploma/degree that can affect your future. That said, as someone who went to a school that literally no longer exists (like fr I don't even know if I can get my transcript anymore so for all I know, the year I spent in animation college only exists in the student loans that I'm still paying off, rip) I still learned and gained so much that I simply wouldn't have in high school or on Youtube. The biggest of which was the environment - being put into an actual dedicated space for learning art, with peers and teachers who were all unified in that space working towards the same goal, made so much more of a difference in my learning than I initially anticipated. I got so much feedback and guidance thanks to my instructors, and it really put me into a space where I was forced to try new things, I couldn't keep relying on the same tricks and comfort zones anymore. If it weren't for my instructors pushing me to step outside of that comfort zone, I never would have learned how to draw from life or use other mediums that subsequently became the foundations of the stuff I make today.

And while a lot of the things they taught I could have learned on Youtube or CTRL+Paint or Draw-a-Box, being in an actual classroom with grades and a schedule to abide by actually kept me moving in a forward direction and gave me so much more help on a personal level than some guy on Youtube could have given me reading from a script or, in this case, some rando on Tumblr responding to anonymous asks LMAO

Obviously, I'm never gonna recommend that anyone put themselves into financial ruin for post-secondary schooling, ESPECIALLY right now with the economy being what it is, but I do hope that if you genuinely want to go to school that you can find the means to do so, whether it's opting for community classes or applying for scholarships/bursaries/grants/etc or even just signing up for a local art class. Do your research on what's available and feasible to you - even art clubs can be super helpful in getting you out there and talking to people! As much as we may all be slaving away over our desks creating our next big piece, art is still a form of community and interpersonal communication - whether it's between you and an audience, or a peer with whom you exchange new ideas and feedback, or a mentor whose skills you hope to inherit and pass on to the next generation.

Until then though, keep creating and keep getting inspired. If you've never drawn from life before, set up a bowl of fruit and draw it as closely as you can to the real thing, or go to the food court and see how quickly you can sketch the people walking by before they're gone. If you've never tried storyboarding before, grab a piece of paper, find a scene from a live action movie you like, and storyboard it as if you were making an animated film. Try things! Fail at it! Try it again! See what happens!

#more art advice wheeee #ask me anything #ama #anon ama #anon ask me anything

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azaharinflames · 17 days ago

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Curently 911 is filming episode 11 & 12, and Lou is working on another project. There's no way he's working on 9-1-1 at the same time. LA traffic alone wouldn't allow it.

I thought I have prepared my heart for the possibility of Bucktommy not going back together again. But a new affirmative sign like this still hurts me a little 😔.

Hi, Nonnie!

Listen, I get it. But in my honest opinion? Lou was never gonna come back in the first eps of 8b. We know 9&10 are mostly going to deal with Maddie’s kidnapping and Tim has teased the end of ep 10 changes everyone’s life. Now, you can choose to be a bit skeptical about that part. I know I am.

Either way, we know post ep 10 there is a time jump. My personal theory is that it won’t be a super big one, rather it will be a natural time jump (to make it so what happens in the series happens at the same time as we watch it), and the first couple eps will be to establish some SLs.

Personal theory? We will see the rebound for Buck that Tim teased. I do believe it won’t last more than a couple eps. And then we’ll probably have Buck exploring or trying to get to know himself better. Boring and overused, but if they go in any other direction I will be genuinely surprised.

If/when Tommy comes back… honestly I don’t think it’ll be any earlier than at least midway through 8b, if not in the last couple of eps or even in the last one. Mostly so the audience is hooked for the next season but also because it wouldn’t make sense to make the audience go through the bs of 806-808 if things were going to be fine a few eps later.

We have to remember Tommy is not a main. Most likely, if Buck and he manage to find each other again, it will be something to mostly happen off-season, imo. As in, we will have a cute reunion on screen, then the season will end, then (perhaps based on the reaction idk) we’ll start the next season (if we get one) already with them having worked through their issues.

I know the idea of it sucks a bit but hey. They had Tarlos say their ILYs off-season. So. I wouldn’t be too surprised lmao.

(Also if he does not come back for this season, I honestly think he will only come back if they need a HEA for Buck once the series ends and Lou is available for that. Because imho they are not finding a LI that works better than him any time soon)

As for Lou’s filming schedule, I wouldn’t put too much weight on it. Mostly because we don’t know it. We don’t know if he’s mostly done with the sketch show, or if he only has to shoot 3 days a week, or what. Nothing tells us shooting that and shooting 911 is something impossible to combine.

And I don’t want to pretend I know something will happen, or give anyone false hope. I’m the first person who truly expects nothing from this show anymore and who knows chances are we will be disappointed, because the show has shown us we can’t trust it. Just wanted to point out some things ;)

Anyway, my inbox is open for venting, ranting, and giving your opinions! Physical therapy has been kicking my ass this week but I’ll try to be more present (don’t tear your meniscus, babes. I highly do not recommend)

Take care <3

#bucktommy #tevan #tommy kinard #lou ferrigno jr #anon ❣️

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putschki1969 · 3 months ago

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Hi Sarah! Hope you are well! I will be in Japan on January 15th, so i can't lose the incredibile opportunity to go to the concert. I waited for the general lottery hoping that it would be aviable on the international e+ stite, but unfortunatley it seems it is not the case.

I tryed with sos japan but they are not answering me, and with bridge but they told me they are full or requests and so can't help me.

I would appreciate it very much if you can suggest me something to get these tickets. Thank you!

Hello there!

I am so sorry for the late reply. You sent this while I was travelling last week so I didn't notice the new message in my inbox. I am happy to hear that you will be in Japan next January. Of course you'd want to use that opportunity to attend the Kalafina, I totally understand.

However, I am afraid we are already at a point where it's pretty tricky to get tickets.

Ticket sales are scheduled for the following dates: ■Wakana/KEIKO Fan Club Advanced Lottery October 10, 2024, 11:00 - October 20, 23:59 ■Hikaru X (formerly Twitter) Advanced Lottery October 25, 11:00 - November 4, 23:59 ■General Ticket Lottery November 9, 11:00 - November 11, 23:59 ■General Sale November 16, 10:00 -

We have gone through all the ticketing stages and it appears like there are no more tickets left on the e+ general sale. This is actually quite surprising since I didn't expect the concert to be sold out so quickly. The venue is huge and judging from everyone's dismissive reactions on Twitter, I had assumed that not many people were actually planning to attend. Guess the mood on Twitter didn't reflect the high demand of the general public.

From what I could tell, almost everyone who applied for the Wakana/KEIKO fan club ticket lotteries won a ticket so they must have had a lot of tickets available for those. A majority of all fan club members seems to have made use of that preliminary lottery because for the subsequent Hikaru lottery, there were quite a few people who didn't manage to win a ticket. The same applies to the general lottery. I saw several tweets of people being sad that they didn't win anything during that. Unfortunately, the general lottery period was very short so it would have been necessary to contact SOSJapan or a similar service very early in advance to figure out what you needed.

The general sale was over super quickly too so there are currently no official options available.

They might have plans to offer some left-over tickets on the overseas e+ site but they haven't announced anything yet in that regard. Knowing Space Craft, they will totally ignore Kalafina's overseas fanbase so I wouldn't count on that....

I know that a lot of tickets were bought by shady resellers who are now offering them for crazy prices on some random sites but for one, that's illegal so I wouldn't recommend going down that route and two, it would be a real hassle for a foreigner to even get their hands on one of those resold tickets so meh, not the best idea.

Your best bet right now is to ask around in fandom spaces and see if anyone got spare tickets. The good news is that many people applied for more than one ticket (myself included). The bad news is that most of those people will already have found someone to give their extra tickets to (myself included).

I will ask here on this blog and see if anyone can offer a spare ticket to you. If there's no one, you will have to ask around on other sites. You should probably check out the cantaperme forum or a number of different Kalafina Facebook communities and a post on Twitter can't hurt either (although you'll have to tag everything properly so the post reaches a good amount of people).

【Request】 Kalafina Anniversary Ticket

Does anyone still have a spare ticket for the upcoming Kalafina Anniversary Live? If you do, please contact me or @red------moon directly. Thank you!

【Update】 Spare Ticket Found

Great news! @hadi-sama has some spare tickets and is offering them to fellow loyal fans who are still in need of one. Thank you so much for your swift reply! @red------moon, please be sure to contact either me or him ASAP to figure out all the details. Thank you!

#kalafina #reply #kalafina reunion #Kalafina Anniversary LIVE 2025

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danieyells · 23 days ago

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Something I wrote on discord, sortakinda for @jadeleechsupportgroup who ships these two and with inspiration from @leatherthorn / @ritsu-shinjo who introduced me to the My Analog Journey youtube channel when I was teying to find music that suits how I interpret Romeo's tastes(leading to the realization that he'd probably like vinyls, with Rep saying that he would swoon over a Victrola, which several people on Reddit have said actually has poor sound quality, leading to this thought lol)

Is it romantic? Is it platonic? Yes. It's whatever you want it to be. It's Tohma and Romeo.

The box Tohma had brought over and gingerly placed atop the VIP room table before Romeo, a gift he'd taken care to inform him he wanted to bring when their schedules would both be open, was carefully unwrapped and excavated, opening to be a record player from a well known brand. Romeo hadn't had a record player since he lived in Italy, and his usual strict mask slipped in favor of pleasant surprise, then a suppressed smirk. Not a bad choice in gift, but he couldn't let his excitement show too much.

"So this is what you wanted to bring over?" He settled back into his Fendi chair, leaning to the side to set his eyes on Tohma who stood with his patient, butler-esque expression and picturesque posture as always. "This isn't something Kamurai was trying to get rid of, is it?"

"Of course not." Tohma feigned offense--anyone with ears knew Romeo didn't think very highly of Frostheim, and he understood that this now applied to him where it hadn't before. "I'm hurt that you would think so little of me. I merely thought of you when I saw it and recognized the brand. I thought it would suit your more classic music tastes."

(In less kind words, Romeo's tastes reminded him of his father. Why so many guys around his age acted like old men sometimes he would never know.)

"Did you now?" Romeo remained sceptical, and Tohma only smiled his customer service smile. "Well then, let's give it a listen!"

Tohma continued to smile at him, though the expression twitched a bit.

"You did bring me records to go with such a beautiful gift, didn't you?" His less patient expression returned with his incredulous, if slightly bemused, tone of voice. Tohma gave a mischievous smile that made Romeo push down the increasingly bubbling irritation at his precious time being wasted. "You didn't just get me this to look at."

"I'm afraid you've caught me." Tohma sighed, though his expression showed no real remorse. "I admit to not knowing your tastes or classical music well enough to invest in records to go with the player." Romeo sighed in disappointment, glaring at him lightly as he continued uninhibited. "I had hoped this would be an opportunity to listen and learn from you, however. I wouldn't want to give you a disappointing gift."

"Caught you? I met you before you started this particular circus act, Ishibashi. Honestly. I can't deal with amateurs. How did they just let you into Frostheim without a second thought?" Romeo grumbled, resisting the urge to touch his face or rub his temples. Tohma only chuckled in apologetic acknowledgement.

"Fine." Romeo scoffed after a silence to gather himself. "These things have awful sound quality for how nice they look anyway." Tohma's expression faltered and he blinked in surprise. So the gift hadn't exactly been good after all despite the brand name--but Romeo hadn't bitten into him right away about it. "I can give you a few recommendations. And next time you can bring me vinyls." He snapped his fingers and one of his underlings came in, beginning to find somewhere to display the record player in the VIP room when he gestured at it.

"In the meantime, we can listen to some music that's more to your tastes. Since I'm sure that SIP would never allow you to do so. This isn't a privilege I grant lightly, so make sure your choices aren't utterly atrocious excuses for music!!!"

"Is that so? You have my gratitude as a guest." Tohma bowed deeply, formal smile back in place. "I'll do my best to learn from this experience as a host myself."

Tohma was sure that normally only Taiga was allowed to listen to whatever he wanted aloud in the VIP room with Romeo--and that surely came with an initial scolding before bearing his uncontrollable partner's behavior. Their tastes were probably similar in some ways, so Tohma presumed Romeo thought he could bear it. He had stuck to more quietly listening to the less elegant music since his transfer, and the idea of enjoying it more loudly for a time wasn't anything he would complain about--although he was tempted to see what he could play and in what succession to get himself kicked out as fast as possible.

But he refrained, taking a seat on the comfortable couch briefly watching as Romeo began working on an introductory playlist to his music tastes for Tohma to work with, before finding some more tasteful R&B to start with. It should be close enough to Romeo's taste for this to potentially be a somewhat fruitful exchange of music, at least.

#tohma ishibashi #romeo lucci #romeo scorpius lucci #danie yells writing #danie yells at tokyo debunker #tokyo debunker #tokyo debunker fanfiction

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callofdudes · 1 year ago

Text

König x Autistic Reader headcanons

Just a little disclaimer that I myself am not autistic. I'm neurdivergent but I don't struggle with most of the things that autistic people do. So please feel free to let me know if something is incorrect. Only here to spread love. ♥️

Being the colonel, König heard about you from your previous commanding officer. You were being switched to KorTac on recommendation so he didn't think any less of you when he heard you were also autistic.

Not that he would if you weren't, but you had a pretty decent record to back your few years in the military.

He had less than a week to prepare before you'd be transfered, and he wanted to be as prepared for you as possible. He'd read as much as he could, trying to take everything in.

Of course, hearing that some things were different for different autistic users was a little anxiety inducing.

When he met you out off the helicopter, you had your headphones on, taking them off slowly when you got a comfortable distance from the spinning blades.

He noticed how you took them off slowly, letting yourself adjust a little to the noise out of the headphones before hanging them around your neck.

"Ah, sergeant. My name is König." König held out his gloved hand, which you seemed a little surprised at, but on a good way. And you shook his hand, recognizing his firm grip.

"Thank you..."

"Allow me to show you around before we talk business ja?"

You nodded hesitantly, slowly following him.

Your eyes moved everywhere, taking in the new environment. It was much different. All the new smells, the sounds, the surprise of it.

König was aware you would need proper introduction to the environment. The ins and outs, a clear schedule laid out before it happened. Which is what he would prepare you with. No doubt just chucking you into work would overwhelm you. As it would anyone.

He noticed the way your thumbs continually moved over the seam of your uniform in the same motion while you took everything in.

He laid out the usual schedule, reassuring you that you wouldn't have to adhere to their schedule so strictly until you were fully integrated.

It was nice, how smooth it felt. Unlike your first transition. Being thrown into boot camp with zilch for experience you knew it would be rough. But you're glad you don't ever have to do that again.

König made sure you were aware that you could come to him if you needed anything or if you had questions. He was an open book and willing to help.

At first he was very worried about how you'd react to his mask. He didn't know if you'd be ok with it or not? Would you be put off by it? Would it reassure you with so little detail on his face, not being able to see him.

But from how you reacted, clearly your first impressions of his gentle nature won you over instead of his daunting height and scary exterior.

You had been worried in the beginning that König was going to be like everyone else. But he was actually very gentle. He was quieter, unlike your previous superiors who seemed to be into yelling just because they could.

And König was gentle with you. Not like when you were first brought into the military. Now, to be fair, you had joined the military and they wanted soldiers one way or another. You hadn't expected to be pampered right out of the gate. But he approached you in a way that settled you in.

König was usually very aware of what he was doing, because of his height and his position, every move was in his thoughts. And with you that was no different.

"Hey... Y/n, I know the canteen is pretty busy today, so I figured I'd just bring you a plate here." He smiles a little under the hood, wondering if you'd appreciate the gesture or get mad at him because you thought he was treating you as weak.

To his relief, you smiled softly. "Oh, König-" you pause when you saw the plate. König had always noticed you much preferred some food over others, and you always organized them in specific ways. And it was just like that, your plate perfect to your autistic eye.

You wouldn't have to spend ten minutes of precious food time reordering and sorting.

"Thank you König, thank you."

König always did his best to help you. But of course, there was only so much he could do to help. Even in simple training, you were sometimes allowed to have your headphones on, but there was always that time when you weren't.

When könig would clearly see you getting overwhelmed from smells, sounds, and strenuous activity you were faced with.

König is always an extended arm, but was nervous to help you if you didn't want it. So when you showed up in his office, clearly something wrong he wasn't sure what to do.

You just stood in the doorway, clutching the hem of your shirt, your throat feeling tight. You couldn't move, just on the brink of completely exploding in tears.

König slowly stood, approaching you gently. "Y/n..?" He reached out to touch you, slowly, giving you a moment to pull away if you wanted. But you didn't. His hand touching your cheek, cupping your face.

"You're doing amazing..."

Tears fell down your cheeks and you whimpered, leaning against him. He gently wrapping his other arm around you. Warming you, slowly rubbing your back in consistent circles.

"I'm here. I'm here y/n."

König soon became used to knowing every little motion to you. Your hands tensing, trying to stim with them, struggling with verbal communication in stressful situations, or at all. Getting the words in your head out verbally usually a struggle.

Whenever you needed him, he'd be there. On missions when stuck in a stake out, he would give you his backpack that hopefully it would provide enough weight when he took watch; so you could sleep with minimal anxiety.

But König knew, and he was patient.

König who let's you stim with the Velcro straps on his gear and uniform whenever you needed it.

You two were sitting in the cargo plane, könig could feel you staring into him. Your hand moved a little, and he looked at you. "Y/n??"

"König... Can I..?" You reached your hand for his belt, and he understood. Pulling the Velcro from his belt and moving it to your hand. "Yeah, go ahead."

You nod, pushing the Velcro apart and then slowly pulling it open. Listening to the sound and the slow tear. And the patch on his bicep, listening to it slowly peal apart and then sticking it evenly back on.

König sat there still, letting you stim. "Feeling a bit better?"

You nod a little. "Yeah... Thank you."

He hums, smiling softly. He let's you play with the Velcro for the remainder of the flight, not minding you gently stimming with his gear. It's calming for him in a way as well.

When you were on base, you one time asked for him to lay on you, and he was genuinely afraid he'd hurt you.

"Y/n... I believe I am a tad too heavy. I can get you something else-?"

"No König. Crush me. Crush me like my soul... Suffocate me into happiness.."

"Woah... Alright then."

You laid on your back with your arms flat open invitingly. And so König laid across you, wrapping his arms around your waist and placing his palms up between your shoulder blades.

You sighed happily as he squeezed the oxygen out of you, pushing you down into the blanket. He was warm, his smell was familiar.

"Perfect..."

König who asks if you have any favorite scents from back home, or any in general. The ones he likes he gets you scented candles so you can put them in your office and room for comfort.

König who buys you a white noise machine and sends you audio files of crickets and whales.

And your hyperfixations. Oh König loves them. He loves listening to you talking his ear off. He doesn't talk a whole lot and enjoys the silence, so having you who dominates the conversation, but not in a way where he feels overstepped or ignored. It's nice.

He loves hearing about all the lore and the background for your liking said thing.

And he even decided to try sharing an interest of his to you. Nature documentaries! König was happy when you gave it a try. If you can sit still through all of it, great! If you can't, he'll probably dig out a fidget toy or grabs something nearly you can use.

Gets rubix cubes from Horangi to see if you like it and want it. Found out what a fidget spinner is and got you one too.

When you told him you were nervous of what the others would think of you carrying one around base, König made the bold decision to carry one too. "Hey, how about we both carry one? So then you're not alone, and they won't think you're weird!"

König is very protective of him. You're like his kid! But in a cool way, not a demeaning way. He wants to take care of you and protect you as best he can. He wants you to know he's got your back.

He's there when you need someone to lay on, or to be laid on. He's there when you need someone who will just cup your ears and tell you to focus on him.

He's there when you need someone to wipe those tears and hold you close to a warm, welcoming body of a close friend.

Because he's your friend, and he cares so much for you. He's definitely still learning, and still trying, but damn it if he wouldn't do anything it takes for you.

#call of duty #call of duty headcanons #könig cod #könig headcanons #könig modern warfare #könig mw2 #könig x reader #autistic reader #könig x autistic reader #konig headcanons #konig mw2 #konig x reader #konig call of duty #konig cod

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comicaurora · 1 year ago

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Hi! I'm a big fan of your work. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I'm an artist who's been working on a story with a close writer friend of mine since the pandemic. Together we've outlined a webcomic that we're both very excited and passionate about, and it's been a great experience. Late last year we started actually making the comic itself, and a little less than a year later we're 37 pages in.

I wanted to ask you how you're able to somehow push out three high-quality pages every week? I work full time, and most days I'm too drained when I get home to immediately start working on the comic. Plus all the other stuff I have to take care of to be a functional adult. I'm not even that slow of an artist, but it just doesn't feel like there's enough hours in the day. At my current rate, I get about one page done per week. I'm 24 now, I don't want to be in my 50s still working on this story. Do you have any advice for increasing your output as an artist without completely overwhelming yourself?

Sorry for the wordy question. There's a reason I'm the artist and not the writer.

Oof, that's a tough one!

I mean, to start with, a fundamental difference in our schedules is I don't work full time. Everything I do for a living is very self-scheduled, and I can work far in advance to meet the deadlines I set and take entire days or even weeks off when I need them. Back when I was in college, dealing with outside schedule requirements, I definitely wouldn't have been able to keep up everything I do now.

That said, there are still methods to streamline and speed up the artistic process. I don't know the details of your methods, but I'd recommend sketching and storyboarding larger numbers of pages at a time and finalizing them at a more leisurely pace, rather than taking one page of comic at a time from a total blank to a finalized, polished version. The storyboard can be very basic; many of mine are little more than color-coded scribbles showing the characters and text boxes showing their dialogue. It's just enough to be readable to me so I can go in and edit it for pacing and timing, but it looks like absolute chickenscratch to anyone else. On the production side, that makes it much more feasible for me to work on multiple pages at a time, since I don't need to finish polishing one page before I can start boarding another.

This method can be expanded into a bit of a factory production line, allowing for a two-pronged approach of progress - one for finalizing older pages, the other farther along for storyboarding new ones. And once you have multiple pages done at a time, you can schedule them well in advance, which takes a lot of deadline pressure off and can make it less mentally daunting to work on. This also diversifies the space of things you can work on, depending on your headspace and energy levels - which is a useful option to have when you're wiped from outside responsibilities.

#asks #writing stuff #art stuff

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lousypotatoes · 9 months ago

Text

Everyone From The Place

Pt. 1 Pt. 2 Pt. 3 Pt. 4 Pt. 5 Pt. 6 Pt. 7 Pt. 8 Pt. 9 Pt. 10 Pt. 11 Pt. 12

Song Recommendation:

Everybody Loves My Baby - Jack Palmer

Warning! This chapter had mentions of physical/mental abuse and panic attacks, and depictions of mental abuse. If any of these topics trigger you or make you uncomfortable, please read with caution.

90 years ago...

It had been about a month since Y/N and Alastor went out drinking together, the two of them going out every other day, whether it be getting drinks, getting dinner or lunch together, or just the two of them walking around New Orleans.

Y/N would never admit it to anyone, but she was absolutely head over heels in love with Alastor. The way he talked, the way he presented himself, how he was such a gentleman, she loved every part of him and so much more.

Alastor felt the same way about her, maybe even more. The way her face lit up whenever she talked about flowers or Honey, her sense of humor, the way she wasn't afraid to speak her mind. She didn't know it, but she had Alastor wrapped around her finger.

And he loved every single second of it.

"That'll be three dollars, ma'am," Y/N said smiling, handing over the bouquet of lilies to the woman.

"Thank you, dear," the old woman smiled, handing Y/N money. "You have a lovely shop,"

"Well, thank you kindly," Y/N said. "I'm guessin' you're visitin' from outta town?"

"How did you know?" the woman asked.

"Every soul here in New Orleans has stepped foot in my shop at least once," Y/N said, handing the woman her change.

"For good reason," the woman said. "It's very impressive what you've done with the place. Not a lot of women can say that they own a thriving business. Especially during these trying times."

"Ah, I get that a lot," Y/N said. "Where you from anyway? If you don't mind me askin' of course."

"A small little town in Kansas," the woman said. "My daughter lives here and I'm visiting for her birthday."

"That's nice," Y/N gushed. "You tell her I said happy birthday. You have a good rest of your day ma'am."

"You as well, dear," the woman said as she walked out the door.

Y/N took the cash from the register and put it in the back room. While she was in there, she checked her schedule. She was glad that she didn't have to kill anyone that night. Even though she had been doing it for 15 years, the job left her exhausted and sleep deprived.

Who knew being an assassin was such hard work?

Walking out the backroom door, she saw a familiar face, looking at the arrange of flowers, holding a brown paper bag.

"What'll it be today Alastor?" Y/N said loudly, making him jump.

"Don't scare me like that, dear," he said, adjusting his coat. "I could of knocked over the flowers."

"You tip over any of them vases, you're payin' the bill," she laughed. "Besides, that was payback for all the times you've scared me."

"All right, all right," Alastor said, walking over to the counter. "I'll take these here marigolds."

"Marvelous pick," Y/N said. "That'll be four bucks,"

"How's business today?" Alastor asked, taking out money.

"Slow, but that's because no one wants to come outta their house, it's so hot out here," Y/N laughed. "How was the broadcast this morning? I didn't get the chance to listen to it."

"It went alright," he said, taking his change. "There were these women who kept trying to wriggle their way into the station, though."

"Seems like you have some mighty eager fans," she giggled. "What's in the bag?"

"Oh! I almost forgot! Thank you for reminding me," he said, handing her the brown bag. "I figured you wouldn't want to go out in this blistering heat, so I fetched you some lunch."

Y/N was touched. "You didn't have to do that, Al,"

"Yes, but I wanted to,"

Y/N reached into the bag. "Oh! You got me gumbo!" she exclaimed, her face lighting up in the way Alastor loved. "How'd you know?"

"I remember you telling me once," Alastor smiled.

"Thank you so much Alastor!" Y/N said. "Tell you what, tomorrow night, swing by my place and I'll whip up a batch of jambalaya for you."

Alastor's face turned red, the two of them had never been to each others house before. The only times were when Alastor would pick Y/N up for their outings together. Him only ever stepping foot in her living room.

"You don't have to do that, Y/N," Alastor said, covering his blushing face.

"Nonsense!" Y/N waved off. "It's the least I can do for you, fetchin' me lunch."

"Well, if you insist, my dear," Alastor said. "Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but I have to make it to my-"

"-2'oclok broadcast. Yes I know," Y/N interrupted. "I know the routine by heart now."

Alastor smiled, taking Y/N's hand in his "I shall see you tomorrow then, Y/N." he said, kissing her knuckle.

"I'm lookin' forward to it already," Y/N blushed.

Looking at her face one more time, smiling gently to himself, he left the store.

When he left, Y/N started giggling to herself. She was so in love with him. She felt like a giddy schoolgirl. She was so distracted that she didn't even hear the bell ring, signaling that a customer came in.

"Seems like you finally got this establishment up and runnin'," said a voice that made Y/N freeze, her eyes widening.

She turned and saw a man with wavy brown hair and cold eyes. Someone that made her blood freeze and goosebumps appear all over her skin. Someone that made her skin go pale and her breathing quicken. Someone that made her freeze in fear.

"What? So startled by my appearance that you're speechless?" the man smirked.

"W-What-" she stuttered, finding her voice. "What in God's name are you doin' here, Jasper?"

"Ain't I allowed to visit my fiancé at work?" Jasper said, coming closer to the counter.

"That was fifteen years ago!" she said, backing into the wall. "Me and you are nothin' now!"

"Just because I ended up behind bars doesn't mean we're finished,"

"That's exactly what that means!" she yelled. "You know you can't be within fifty feet of me. Now leave before I call the cops!"

Jasper didn't say anything, instead picking up a vase of carnations, admiring them.

CRASH!

Glass shards and flowers were scattered all over the floor.

"Oops," Jasper said.

"I mean it Jasper!" Y/N said. "Get the fuck out!"

"Don't you dare talk to me like that again, you worthless bitch," he said, a dangerous look in his eyes. "Unless you want me to beat you to a bloody pulp, just like old times."

Y/N backed into the wall, lost for words.

For the first time in fifteen years, Y/N felt scared.

"Just go away, Jasper," she whispered. "Please. I don't want any trouble."

Jasper didn't say anything, instead picking up another vase and dropping it onto the floor.

Without another word, Jasper left.

As soon as he was out of sight, Y/N's body shut down, her having to grab onto the counter to support herself. She let out a sob she didn't even know she was holding in, her cries bouncing off the flower shop walls, and her tears streaming down her face.

After about ten minutes of this, she got out a broom, and started sweeping up the glass shards and flowers. After she was done, she leaned up against the wall. Looking up at the clock above her, she saw that it was only two-fifteen.

"I need a drink," she said, exhausted.

It was now five-thirty, Y/N was sitting at the bar, sipping on her fourth thing of whiskey.

As soon as she closed up the flower shop, she decided to walk to Mimzy's bar, not bothering to go home and change.

She was there for about thirty minutes. Mimzy had been over to check on Y/N during those, sensing that she wasn't okay. Y/N had told Mimzy she was alright and that she just wanted to be left alone. Mimzy listened and told her that her drinks were free for the rest of the time she was there.

Already deciding before she got there, Y/N didn't want to get blackout drunk, but just drunk enough to where she would forget her and Jasper's interaction.

Sipping on her whiskey, Y/N felt angry at herself. She could have shot that asshole right in his head if she wanted to, she was an assassin for crying out loud.

But Jasper was the one person she was genuinely afraid of.

"Why aren't you smiling, my dear?" said a voice from behind her. "You know you're never fully dressed without one."

"Hi, Alastor," she said, not even turning to look at him.

Alastor frowned, knowing that something was wrong.

"Are you okay, Y/N?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm fine," she said, keeping her gaze on her glass. "I just had a bad interaction with a customer, that's all."

Alastor stayed silent as he sat down at the bar next to her.

"Would you like to me to keep you company?" he asked gently. "Or would you like me to leave?"

"Stay here," Y/N said, holding back tears. She felt pathetic. "Please."

"Alright then," he said.

"If I would have known you'd be here, I would have invited you," she said, sipping on her whiskey.

"Oh, don't worry about it, dear," he waved off. "I was already thinking about inviting you here anyways."

"Are you quite sure you're alright?" he asked again.

"Yes, I'm quite sure," Y/N said.

"Well in that case," he said, getting up and offering her his hand. "Would you like to dance?"

Y/N smiled before taking his hand.

"You always know the best things to say, Al,"

It was now nine-thirty. During those four hours at the bar, Isabell and Alastor had drank, danced, talked, laughed, and smoked. Isabell was glad that Alastor showed up randomly out of the blue. She always felt better when Alastor was close by.

Alastor didn't tell Y/N this, but Mimzy had actually called her, saying "You better get your fuckin' ass over here. Something ain't right with your girl."

As soon as he hung up the phone, he headed straight to Mimzy's bar.

Right now, Alastor was currently walking Y/N home, the two of them talking about his mother's jambalaya recipe.

"Think your ma would be willin' to share her recipe?" Y/N asked.

"I don't think she'd have an issue with it," he answered. "You'd have to meet her first."

"Oh, I would love to meet your ma!" she said. "Do you think she'd like me?"

"She already adores you, darling,"

"I'm guessin' you've talked to your ma about me then?" Y/N giggled seeing Alastor's blushing face.

"What's not to talk about?" Alastor replied, making Y/N's face turn red.

They reached Y/N's house, the two of them walking up to her front porch. They were facing each other, Y/N was looking up at Alastor, while Alastor was looking down at Y/N, the two of them so close together.

"Thank you for helpin' me take my mind off today, Al," she said, looking up at him in a way that made Alastor's breath get caught in his throat.

"It really wasn't a problem, dear, you don't have to thank me," he said. "If you need help with anything, anything at all, please don't hesitate to ask."

"Are we still set for jambalaya tomorrow night?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world,"

It was quiet, the two of them not saying a word.

Oh, how desperately the two of them wanted to wrap their arms around each other and kiss until they had to break apart for air.

The air between them was thick, and heavy with tension.

Alastor's eyes flickered to Y/N's lips and back to her eyes.

"Y/N..." he swallowed hard. "May I...is it alright if I kiss you?"

"Yes," Y/N whispered. "It's alright."

As gentle as he possibly could, he lifted up her chin with his fingers.

Alastor hesitated for a moment, the look on his face asked 'Are you sure this is alright?'

Y/N nodded slowly and Alastor closed the gap between them, placing his lips on hers.

His lips were soft and warm and tasted like cinnamon. Just like everything else he did, his touch was gentle. It made Y/N feel like her heart was about to burst out of chest. Testing out the fields, she very slowly and shyly moved her hands to the back of his neck.

Alastor tensed up for a moment, but relaxed, moving his hands and placing them on her hips. The way their lips moved perfectly against each other made Alastor's heart melt. The way he was feeling in that moment, he was addicted to it like a drug and wanted more of it.

Like a starved man, Alastor craved Y/N's touch.

After what seemed like an eternity, the two of them finally broke apart, breathing heavily.

"Oh, you have no idea how long I've been wanting to do that, dear," Alastor breathed out, kissing her forehead.

"Oh, I think I do," Y/N said. "How about one more? To make up for lost time?"

"You read my mind," he laughed before placing his lips on hers once more.

THEY KISSED RAHHHHHHH

literally i am so happy

i wanna give alastor a big o'l kiss

stay safe and drink lots of water <33

xoxo, Izzy

Taglist 💋

@maksdust

@trippoverrt

@slytherin4ever

@lucifers-silhouette

@a-small-tyrant

@mo-0-o

@cutiebimbo

@mommymilkers0526

@mikariell95

@al-of-the-stars

@martinys-world

@bibliophile-yomna

@mysticwitchcraftco

#character x reader #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #alastor #alastor altruist #alastor x reader #alastor altruist x reader

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teaberrii · 2 years ago

Text

Relief

You get much more than you bargained for when you visit the newest doctor in town.

Baizhu/You

Warnings: Smut

Notes: Cross-posted on Ao3

This idea came to me so suddenly and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it. So... HERE IT IS.

You are never a fan of visiting the doctor.

But after telling your friend about how bad your insomnia is getting, she “strongly recommends” you see the newest and, apparently, hottest doctor in town. You’ve heard about him. Tall. Mysterious. Handsome. Skilled. You raise an eyebrow at how she described him. He sounds like a male lead who walked out of a romance or erotic novel... and you cannot deny your curiosity. So, even though you always dread visiting the doctor’s office because of past experiences, you ultimately decide to try and see if this doctor is really as good and hot as everyone says.

As soon as you walk inside the clinic for your appointment, something about it already makes you feel at ease. Perhaps it’s the cool, calm colours of the wall. Or the soft hum of the music. Whatever it is, you’re not regretting it… so far.

“Hello.” A woman around your height walks up to you. “Do you have an appointment?”

“Yes.” Then, you give her your name.

She smiles. “Right this way.”

You follow the woman to a room at the back. She opens the door, and you see a man sitting at a desk. When he spins around, you meet a pair of snake-like eyes. He has a relaxed demeanour, something not too different from what you're expecting. Yet, despite his kind smile that unexpectedly makes your heart race, something about him feels off, and you don’t know why.

“Hello,” he says. Great. Even his voice is dripping like honey. He gestures for you to sit on the patient's bed. “Take a seat.”

As you do, the woman closes the door, and your hands start fiddling with each other. “Are you nervous?” he asks, eyes on your hands.

“Oh, um”—you stop fidgeting—“it’s a habit,” you say quietly.

“Don’t be nervous,” he chuckles. Then, he looks you in the eyes. “I won’t bite.”

His eyes are so entrancing that you forget to speak.

“So, what seems to be the problem today?”

His voice snaps you back, and you say, “I’m having trouble sleeping at night.”

“Is it stress, perhaps?”

“Well…” Your eyes land on a corner of the room.

“There are many reasons for insomnia, my dear.”

That’s a nickname you never imagined he would say.

“Stress… a poor environment… depression… have you talked to anyone else before me?”

You slowly look back and see him staring at you with that gentle smile. “No,” you say quietly. “But I’ve been looking things up online and trying different remedies, but nothing seems to work.”

“I see… What have you tried?”

So, you tell him about making tea, switching sleeping environments, changing your sleep schedule, and drinking less. But nothing has worked.

“Would you mind telling me when and how long your insomnia has been happening?”

You aren't surprised he asked this, but you wish he didn't. Well, at least you came prepared to answer the question.

"Um, well… I've been stressed lately. Both in my personal and professional life. And, I think it started when"—your face turns slightly red—"when I can't find pleasure in sex anymore." You're relieved when his expression doesn't change. Rather, he looks even more focused than before. "That has always relieved my stress and helped me sleep. But now it's just… frustrating."

“Did you have a partner?”

“My ex-boyfriend,” you say quietly.

“...I’d like to try something if you don’t mind.” You look at him curiously. “It’s a type of sensual massage.”

Did he just say… sensual massage? This is not what you signed up for. Rather, you’re expecting a doctor’s note for some medicine you probably never heard of.

“You… aren’t going to give me some weird medicine?”

He chuckles softly. “I could if that’s what you want. But my medicine tends to be quite bitter. Bitter than most. And”—he steps toward you and slightly leans forward—“I’d rather try something sweet on you.”

His low voice sends a delicious shiver down your spine. Good Lord. It’s only been fifteen minutes, and you’ve told this man more than you told your friend in weeks. You swallow thickly, your curiosity once again getting the best of you.

Then, before you can stop yourself, you say, “...Okay.”

"Of course, you're free to stop me whenever you feel uncomfortable," he reassures.

He grabs another pillow and gestures for you to lie on the bed. Once your head hits the pillow, you have one underneath your back. He puts one hand beside your head, and with that gentle, charming smile, he says, “Bend your knees, my dear.” You do so. Then, in a low whisper, “Now… open your legs for me.”

You can hear your heart hammering in your chest. Is it fear? Excitement? You can’t tell anymore. Your emotions are spinning round and round as he dims the lights. You hear his quiet footsteps approach you and feel the gentle touch of his hand brush your hair out of your face.

He moves behind you, and you close your eyes and hear him softly say, “Breathe in…” You do. “And out…” You do. "Now... close your eyes"—he once again watches you do as you're told—"and just feel."

His hands start warming up your shoulders and up to your neck. Your body is already relaxing despite the absurdity of the situation. It doesn't take long for him to move down, and you hear his footsteps beside you. You open your eyes and see he's looking at you, but his eyes are surprisingly… dark compared to the gold rim of his glasses. When his hand finds a clothed breast, you arch into his touch, getting lost in the way his fingers dance, knead, and pressure your bosom. The soft, breathy moan you let escape from those soft lips is everything he needs to hear.

You feel his other hand slide underneath your shirt. Slowly, he moves his hand up, the cool touch of his fingers sending a tingling shockwave throughout your hot body. He brings your shirt along until your bra is fully exposed in front of him. Your face grows warm, but the dark look in his eyes doesn’t change.

Instead, he leans over and asks, "May I, my dear?" As soon as you nod, he unclasps your bra from the front and puts it aside. Then, in a low voice, “You look absolutely beautiful.”

Your blush worsens when he cups your breasts in his hands and slowly moves his thumbs in opposite directions… until one of his hands gently squeezes a nipple while the other continues its gentle caress.

“Ah…” you sigh.

As he uses the pad of his thumb to circle a hardened nipple, he leans forward.

“How do you usually like it, my dear?” he asks lowly. “Soft? Or…” One hand suddenly gets needy… rough… as he squeezes…

“O-oh!”

…and fondles…

“Nngh…A-ah…!”

…like no one has before.

You feel something wet and see his tongue has replaced one of his hands. He looks up at you, his gaze almost daring you to tell him to stop. But that lustful look in your eyes is everything he needs to know. Your body arches as his tongue work wonders on your bosom.

Then, your eyes widen when you feel his hand massaging your inner thigh. A squeeze... and another... until he uses the heel of his hand to gently apply light, smooth strokes toward your pelvis. He stands upright and smiles at you as if admiring your flushed face.

As soon as you feel the pad of his thumb encircling your clothed sex, you gasp. He leans closer and closer until his face is inches from yours.

“I want you to do me a favour, my dear,” he says quietly. You allow him to take one of your hands and put it over a breast. “Touch yourself as I kiss you.”

It's then your lips are no longer yours. One kiss after another leaves you craving more… and more. You're glad you're lying down as you're sure your knees would give from the greedy, hungry kisses that show you're a woman to be desired, something your ex-boyfriend has never shown you before. As you fondle yourself while feeling the warm caress of his tongue, your other hand weaves its way into his hair, holding him in place. He gradually applies pressure on your sex, and you instinctively roll your hips into his touch.

More. You need more.

He stops kissing you as if reading your mind, and his lips curve into a slight smirk. You watch him move to stand in front of your open legs. He pulls off your bottoms, including your underwear. You hold your breath as he slowly massages your stomach and moves down until he's about to reach your sex.

You watch him oil his hands. Then, he starts with the outer lips, squeezing them gently with his thumb and index finger. You sigh in satisfaction when he moves to the inner lips and rubs them with his fingers.

As soon as he looks at you, you know he's taking it a step further.

“How do you want to be touched, my dear?” he asks. “Directly…?”

"Mmpth…" you sigh as he gently holds your clit. Then, he gives it a gentle tug, and you gasp.

“Or… indirectly?”

When you feel the tip of his finger circling your clit, your breathing turns heavy.

Clockwise.

“Ah…”

Counterclockwise.

You exhale deeply.

He goes harder.

“O-oh… yes…”

Slower.

“M-more,” you whimper.

He chuckles. “My… my dear. You’re so wet.” His dark gaze flashes toward you. “That’s a good sign.”

Slowly, he slides his middle finger inside and lightly pressures your walls at different points. As it gradually increases, you bite your bottom lip.

He smiles. “You’re too quiet. Should we fix that?”

He gently slides in his index finger and moves them in a come-hither motion at the top of your walls. Then, he applies more and more pressure until he moves his hand and arm up and down.

You've never been stimulated like this before. This feeling is as if your entire body is on fire. Then, feeling his lips on your inner thigh, you gasp and arch your body off the bed once more.

"Relax," he says softly, using his other hand to guide your body back down. "Just listen to my voice…." He flashes you a heated look as he continues working his fingers on your G-spot. "Do you know how hot you look right now, my dear? Face red… mouth open… eyes in a trance…" He slowly kisses further up your thigh. "It makes me want you… so. Fucking. Bad."

He suddenly applies so much pressure that you come on the spot. A long, loud moan leaves your lips as your sex releases the pent-up pleasure that almost feels foreign. Your body is still coming down from the high when he leans over and puts his hand over your heart.

“How do you feel now, my dear?”

You can’t find the words. You can only look at him as realization dawns upon you what had just happened. “I…”

He puts his finger on your lips. "Would you like me to show you how you made me feel?"

You allow his mouth to take you. Slow. Sensual. All those emotions you felt a moment ago come flooding back from this one kiss that feels so right that it proves every other kiss you had is wrong.

Then, he breaks away too fast, too soon. His gentle smile returns. “I hope you sleep better now, love.”

As he fully leans upright, you’re still lost in your emotions on how one visit to the doctor’s office has made you feel so wrong, so right all at once.

Tag list: @lxry-chxn @lordbugs @suoshiii @seirenspinel

#baizhu smut #baizhu x reader #baizhu x you #baizhu #genshin baizhu #baizhu x yn #baizhu x y/n #genshin impact baizhu

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slipping-is-doing-things · 9 months ago

Text

After days of writing, editing and rewriting here are my headcanons about Screwllum! You might remember seeing this post which I'll be both elaborating on while making it make more sense. Breaking the cut is heavily recommended due to the post length.

This post includes but isn't limited to my headcanons, speculation for backstory and more. I'm info dumping about my special interest without any shame

Word count: 1,567

Trigger warnings: war, weaponry, death.

Fandom: Honkai star rail

Terminology

I'm only including this to make sure anyone who reads this understands what I'm talking about

Emotional core - The codes and primary processors and similar equipment that allows Screwllumites to feel emotions.

Black box - I'm using Black Box in the terms of the metaphor here and a physical object that works similar to what's seen on air crafts.

Internals & codes

Screwllum’s code and presses are vastly different from Screwllumites. While all modern (primarily post Rubert I) were created with emotional cores based off Screwllum’s own, those before or during Rubert I era had a different version that is capable of such things but not naturally made to do those functions.

Due to how long Screwllum has been around it's vastly contributed as to why Screwllum and the Screwllumites are different internally. Screwllum himself runs on the older design even with having updated his outer appearance over the era’s. Fundamentally if you taken Screwllum apart and compared it to an modern day Screwllumite you would have two very different designs and codes even though outwardly the appearance is similar.

The emotional core is something even those who have claimed the ranks of Punklorde can't break, and hasn't been explained by Screwllum himself or any Screwllumite. It's believed to be an integrated aspect of their complex artificial intelligence or a specialty made part and/or device. While other inorganic life forms don't require this it's believed to be created in those that do become emotional (primarily for the cases of robots and artificial intelligence systems).

The black box and memory drive is something special to Screwllum himself. A gift of sorts from Nous which allows him to be alive for as long as he has while keeping his memories and similar things. The Monarch if his physical body is destroyed or worse his codes and AI are hacked into and taken over works as an failsafe to both keep data from before the attack. Due to this unlike the Screwllumites who can lose minor memory and if their important chips and whatnot are broken beyond repair can be classified as dead, Screwllum can be brought back indefinitely.

It does have its drawbacks, corrupted data that can cause issues in the long-term can be saved. To counteract this Screwllum currently has two black boxes, one that would bring him back in a state one wouldn't notice the missing data and the one he currently uses. The data added to the first black box is checked by Screwllum to make sure any data being added has no risk of corruption.

Primary headcanons

Screwllum can and does speak multiple languages as needed, all he needs is recorded information on whatever language then his AI model does the rest. On first use of new languages he hasn't used in the past can sound slightly wrong but it doesn't take him long to adjust the needed components to be able to both speak those languages fluently and without issue.

Screwllum isn't his original name, the data on the original was lost amber eras’s ago and isn't something he minds. He holds very little memory before Rubert I started the war on all organic lifeforms.

Technically, mechanical aristocrat Is an very old term due to it being Screwllum’s original model name. The term is still used on planet Screwllum which is rather amusing to him.

Screwllita more or less acts like Screwllum’s scheduler when she isn't in the hair salon. You best believe she can and does get away with joking around with Screwllum, maybe even making him try on different hats to spice things up. This isn't to say Screwllum doesn't do it himself, she just likes to remind him! The two are friends and you can pry that from my cold dead hands—

It's very rare to see Screwllum without gloves. While he isn't self conscious of his appearance, he knows organic lifeforms wouldn't enjoy how cold his hands are and how delicate the joints of his fingers are. He tends to get nervous when needing to shake hands with people who aren't accustomed or used to interacting with inorganic life forms like himself without his gloves on due to it.

Dancing, it's something Screwllum enjoys just as much as butterflies. Sadly he hasn't found any partners to dance with outside of Screwllita or a very believable hologram. When he does get to dance he's very content even if his partners aren't the most skilled.

Screwllum keeps a butterfly garden inside an enclosure on his planet. He adores all the butterflies he keeps and takes great pride in it, if stressed he tends to take breaks to visit it if he's home.

Love is a complicated emotion Screwllum doesn't fully understand even with how advanced his Emotional core is. He is more accustomed to platonic love, the Screwllumites are his family he loves them in that way but true romantic feelings for another lifeform is something to his knowledge he's never felt. He never can fully wrap his head around how other Screwllumites can start romantic relationships and start families while the base idea itself to him is something he fundamentally doesn't understand.

That isn't to say Screwllum is incapable, he certainly is but just doesn't know is all. He doesn't have much free time anymore to spend on developing his own emotional core like he used to. That isn't actively an issue even though it does leave him at times confused with overly complex feelings that he doesn't deal with frequently.

The mechanical sun is still something Screwllum is worried about failing. While the machine has worked for decades without fail and only requiring minimal maintenance still has the small chance of failing. To see his people suffer due to his own failure is a haunting feeling to him, even so he takes comfort in its calculations. Calculations one could say are the start and continuance of life for Screwllumite's.

Weaponry

While Screwllum doesn't enjoy fighting he is more than capable of defending himself! Screwllum primarily uses either a sword stick or Rapier. Most wouldn't know that the cane he can be seen with at times, primarily places fighting might break out is actually a weapon which is a functional cane. While holding the revolution against Rubert I Screwllum was frequently seen with a Rapier, a weapon he was very skilled with. While he much rather solves issues with words, sometimes force is the only way, be it a pesky line of code that just won't run or a fellow inorganic life form that wishes to kill what he stands to protect.

My ideas for his backstory

My ideas here are heavily just me thinking of what might have happened! Please don't take this or anything here as true to canon. I adore giving more depth to characters when they don't have much. One should also note this would be happening towards the middle of the second war, for Screwllum had been around unaffected before and during the first and star of the second Mechanical Emperor's war.

Screwllum’s original use was to be a diplomat on behalf of an royal family not from Planet Screwllum though Screwllum holds no memory of this. How he ended up on this random planet will always be unknown in my interpretation. The events beforehand are lost to time and damages to Screwllum’s physical form and internal hardware. The skills he had from it ran over into what he is today even if he doesn't remember.

The first true memory Screwllum holds is of him waking up in a forest on a planet that he doesn't remember. His systems had been offline for over 8760 system hours, his physical body had been damaged while moss had calmed its home on him. The second thing he saw were butterflies, many butterflies he came to notice had been resting on him until he moved. He only noticed the organic lifeform standing a few feet away once he started to take in wherever he was. While he couldn't recall what happened to cause the system shutdown for such a long period of time his Artificial intelligence started to, for the first time, read the codes for fascination and confusion.

The Robotic aristocrat spent three years with Farlan. An organic lifeform that had found him and powered his systems back on. With his previous data missing and codes running that his system originally seen as errors the two started a routine. Screwllum helped the older man while being taught about what he was feeling. To memory Farlan is his first friend, the first individual that wasn't frightened by him and rather interested in his natural curiosity. In this time he established what happiness felt like, confusion, excitement, desire and so much more. Butterflies were abundant there, at that small cabin in those thick woods.

Screwllum would first feel anger, sadness and loss with Farlan. Hearing what Rubert I was trying to destroy angered him yet saddened him knowing so many have been hurt over a war that shouldn't be happening. He would see loss first hand with Farlan. Screwllum would return to find that Farlan died of natural causes; it was the first time Screwllum regretted following his own protocols. Taking the deceased’s hat then burying him he set for planet Screwllum or wherever he could get to first that hadn't been affected by Rubert I to start a rebellion.

#honkai star rail #Screwllum #headcanons #Help this robot has me by the neck and I don't wanna escape

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