#i would work on them longer but what can i say i love instant gratification

[lunior-art]

hi! i’m gonna bother you rq :)

how long would you say your drawings take on average to make?

okay, love ya. bye

yayy!!

usually they only take 2-3 hours, hence why i was able to pump out like 4 drawings in a week before. when i actually start to render, which is not often at all, it gets bumped up to 6 😞

hearts <3

[misscammiedawn]

50 Days of HypnoFetish - Day 8: Cognitohazards

Alignment: 70% Top, should be higher but that god damned Silver Crystal is too powerful.

Imagine, if you will, the most entrancing object in the world. Something which is so powerfully hypnotic that there is not a single thing that you can do to prevent yourself from being ensnared by it. Once is is present, your eyes are caught and captivated. Your mind is no longer your own. You are open, vulnerable... helpless.

That is the concept of a cognitohazard. Though if you would like, a more suitable term may actually be "Fetish". Specifically the dictionary definition:

IE: an item imbued with power that takes a hypnotic focus and turns it into an object which either has magical power, is regarded with extravagant trust/reverence, is an object of obsessive devotion, is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification or is just a fixation.

I will not play with option 1.c, but if there are those out there who want to make it so your partner cannot climax until they see their fetish, then you go ahead and take that one for free. Tell them Miss Dawn sent you.

I am much more interested in 2 and 1a and 1b.

The thing that makes a cognitohazard hot in comparison to a typical eye-focus tool is that there is an energy shift the moment the tool is brought in to play. Even the implied presence of it can alter how a scene is progressing. It's like bringing a nuke to a water gun fight.

Teasing the fact that there is an instant win on the table can be fun for getting reactions. Particularly if one is paired up with a brat. It can be a way of promising a partner that soon they will be peaceful and still and blank.

I also just like the way people react. Their face being stripped of all power and energy in a moment. Focused intently. Captivated. Bespelled.

It's so good.

At Beguiled 2022 I purchased a fairly large purple crystal from @enscenic which I believe was originally a dangling piece of a chandelier. I attached it to a chain and have trained it so that when Sleepyhead sees it she is instantly pulled in, her thoughts becoming trapped inside the "crystal".

Watching how quickly she can go from animated to fully entranced is just lovely. I simply cannot get enough of that power rush. There is a time and a place for a slow and sensual seduction as soft sounds swiftly sway the senses... and there is a time for an artifact so powerful that it must be hidden.

Originally this trigger was fairly open, but Sleepyhead once saw it laying on my bedside table and collapsed onto the bed in a manner I was not prepared for. I felt deeply irresponsible when that happened and with prompting and aid from Daja I locked it behind the term "held with intention."

Now, "playing within the rules" is a big theme of my play style. It's a reason why I cannot be 100% in charge. I need to work within framework. It's a weakness of mine. But it is a weakness which I often turn in to a strength.

Once I know what the rules are, I am allowed to bend them and see how flexible they are within the boundaries of good fun.

There's "Do not touch below my waist" "So let's see how high up your thigh I can touch" bending of rules, which is seeking to violate the spirit of the boundary and is unacceptable.

Then there's "You are not allowed to drop for this magical item without the permission of intention." "...so if I leave it on my bedside table and see you notice it and say "you know, I left it there, knowing you would see it...", that still counts as intent, right?" that's playful and trying to stretch the limits of the game.

The difference, I suppose, is honoring the spirit of the limitation. With this one it's "I want to make sure you are safe and only drop to this magical and irresistible talisman that overwhelms your thoughts when I want you to."

I get to select when I want that. It's not my fault you assumed that would only happen by me overtly showing it to you.

One day of this challenge is going to be Fae Play. I am looking forward to explaining in depth why I am Fae.

Now I could talk about the fun I have in this arena, and I will on another date, but let's stick to cognitohazards.

There's one that is so powerful that it could knock me out from Top Space. Just seeing it was enough to bring me deep, regardless of headspace. Which is a remarkable accomplishment.

It's a replica of the Silver Crystal from Sailor Moon.

It requires intention these days, but if you ever wish to turn a sweet and soft ginger into a puddle, show her that.

Intention can be using a pause trigger to make my mind and body freeze in place, take my hand, place the chain of the crystal in my fingers and unpause with it right in front of my face.

Heavens that one got me.

It's a remarkably effective tool.

Oh and there are 2 of them. Both Sleepyhead and Daja own one. Once they teamed up in a hotel room to show me both at once. A top tier moment in a sweet Sunrise's life, I assure you.

They are my favorite. And though there are other tokens which have power imbued into them, I only have one cognitohazard and keeping that mythology imbues it with power. It makes it understood that this object is powerful and controlling and irresistible.

Very much like a fetish. Its power comes from the belief and the belief is reinforced by the use.

I adore them.

Here's what they each look like by the way.

The Silver Crystal that Daja and Sleepyhead each own:

And my purple crystal:

---

Day 7: Forehead Stimulation

FULL SCHEDULE MASTER POST

Day 9: Music Control

[tagedeszorns]

First of all: I love art requests. They give me ideas that I often wouldn't have thought of myself. And they often drag me out of my comfort zone, which is always an advantage for an artist when it comes to making technical progress with art. So I would like to thank all those many people for sharing their ideas with me and entrusting me to draw them.

So why do some drawings take so long, but others barely a few hours?

First of all, of course, because I am not a drawing vending machine, no instant gratification. I have external factors that keep me from drawing and hobbies (I really like my job, but 40 hours a week is 40 hours a week. And people who drag me to fun activities are there too. And training cardiostuff and lifting), but everyone has that, so it doesn't count here for now.

But generally it's just a question of: What do I have an idea for right away? What do I have to research first? And of course: this one is going to be quite time-consuming and I'm so lazy.

So the quickest drawings to finish are of characters I know, characters I like, characters I've just read about. Characters I don't know at all and which might even be on a completely different spectrum of interests (40k loyalists, for example, are usually very difficult because I haven't read much about them. Or Legions, which interest me less. Or non-Astartes), need much more time. Groups and character interactions usually take longer, too, because I have to be in the mood for them.

And, bizarre as it may sound, I tend to drag non-anon quests forward. Please don't take this as an obligation to stand in a request with a name! it's just an observation of what I find easier.

But one thing is absolutely certain: if I really don't want to draw a request, I say so directly. Anything that's in my queue of requests (and that Tumblr doesn't eat up - that's another one of those things: Tumblr has already just deleted two requests that I know of! Who knows how many that I didn't even notice! I've already written a ticket about it, but no reply from the staff yet), I'll also draw little by little at some point. Some of them are actually three months old now. I hope a muse will kiss me soon for these.

Edit: Slaanesh on their fucking tricycle (that expression works on more than one level. Scary!)! Why do I have to add this! But: I'm a Warhammer-fanartist. Warhammer. Horus Heresy. If you request anything else (with the exception of Elder Scrolls, WoW and WoD), you can and will be relentlessly mocked from now on!

Exceptions: I would definitely draw Warhammer-chars as Muppets. Or something like that. So nice crossover-ideas are welcome, of course. Within reason and granted that I am familiar with the other half of the crossover.

[yourtrekker]

Suicide 101

Welcome to the confession of a passive suicidal!

The thought of my demise has been with me for nearly 3 decades now. Since my teen age years, I have been entertaining the idea of 'killing myself'. For me, it is such a sweet reward to end life in this cruel world. Though I never had the courage to plan or attempt it, I always carry the idea that one day if things go south again, I will plan my way out.

Through out my 20s, different life events prompted me to think of ending my own life. It became stronger when my grandmother, who raised me, passed away. Her absence filled the creeping desire to end my life. Back then, I firmly believe that it is a 'sin' to realize the idea of suicide. However, meeting different people, hearing different views and opinions about life in general, and experiencing life my self, made me question about life, suicide, sin, and everything around it.

Now in my 30s, my economic status has changed. It improved, yes! I am grateful for everything. But, I faced different life challenges (the adult kind), which made me cling on the idea that when I can't bear it any longer, I would just do it. Compared to my previous issues, it became slightly better that I am able to earn and access adult money. I know better on how to escape the sadness and loneliness in my life. There's retail therapy, where you buy small (sometimes big) things to fill the void in your day or your life. There's also food! I indulge myself into self and instant gratification allowing me to forget a bad day and alas another day added into my life that I wish never existed.

Obviously, I am still here, breathing, and typing this essay of so called confession. Despite the 'catchy title' (I thought), I am not here to teach how to do it. If I am the one writing it, I may be the most unbelievable author because surely I haven't done it. There are many ways but none of them I dared to try, perhaps, because even if my mouth is blabbing about wanting to commit 'it' my subconscious mind still wants to live. Maybe that's what you call 'basic instinct'. But it would still be all about suicide. The journey of someone my kind, the 'passive suicidal'.

They said there are four types of suicide -- egoistic, altruistic, anomic, and fatalistic. Egoistic is the absence of social integration. Altruistic is to sacrifice one's own life to fulfill an obligation. Anomic is the lack of social regulation that occurs during the high levels of stress/frustration. And, Fatalistic is for when someone is placed under extreme rules or of high expectations.

I guess I am more inclined with egoistic suicide. I am just so tired of participating in this world. You wake up, work, pay bills, occasional fun, face problems, and then repeat. I don't want to be in another 3 decades feeling like 'zombie', yes you're animated but not really living. I really don't like the idea of surviving a day. In my head, I always find myself asking, why do I have to survive each day, each trial when I didn't even choose to be here? I always question my creator that if I have the desire to end it all why did I even have to be here in the first place. It is the most baffling irony one person has to come face to face with.

Another thing I wish to share to the world, especially Christians, is that we always say heaven is real. It is paradise. It is a place free of anything negative. It is a life free of worries, fears, loneliness, sadness, inequality, and the list can go on and on. But, why can't we choose to go there now? Why many of us fear death of our own even of our loved ones if we truly believe we are all going to such place? Or, are we just really trying to appease ourselves that in the long history of mortals we tell all sorts of things that can alleviate our suffering in this cruel existence?

I am envious whenever I see people fighting for their lives. Those with overflowing determination to see tomorrow. They are mostly renaissance men of their own who wants to prove the world they possess the right to live in this world. Sometimes, people with pure innocence just there standing vigorously living. Whilst, there's me ready to give up my life, easily giving it all away to anyone who would ask for it, and always feeling unfit to be part of this world.

I still believe that God is real. God is love. God is good. In my heart of heart I know I truly believe. Which is why I also learned through times to just let things unfold. Life has a way of leading our paths to where it should flow anyway.

I am not sure for how long I could hold myself together. I am not confident I could always choose to live one more day. But, whoever you are reading this, hey you, we're in the same shoes. Similar, maybe not the same, but we are still here. And we've survived all of yesterdays that we thought we won't. That's all I have to say.

#yourtrekker 🐧

[tobiosmilktea]

hiii can i request tsumu, kenma, oikawa, and kuroo where they’re in a secret relationship and the reader feels like they’re hiding her bc they’re ashamed of her ? like a hurt too comfort type of thing? thank u bb 🥺🥺

- 🍒

secret relationships w/ atsumu, kenma, oikawa, and kuroo

a/n: i have so many angst requests,, yall must like getting hurt 💀 also this wasn’t as angsty as i thought it was gonna be since im going through writers block yet again and i can not handle pain rn (also not proofread, so read with caution lmao)

— m. atsumu

it honestly surprised you at first, the way someone like miya atsumu returning your feelings the moment you told him you liked him near the start of the school year

there wasn’t that instant gratification though, knowing that one of inarizaki’s golden boys still felt out of your reach

despite being in a relationship with you, it wasn’t like anyone knew of it besides osamu and your closest friend

of course you didn’t really mind as you’ve always thought couples who were obnoxious with their relationships 24/7 and constantly making out in the hallways wasn’t your cup of tea either, so you get why atsumu wanted to keep it a secret

besides, with a guy so popular like him, you really just thought he was sparing you from the harassment (not that it would be bad if all the girls crushing on him new)

you get that he was just trying to protect you, and yet the more you thought of it, the more than it was simply just an assumption and you really didn’t know why your relationship was kept secret

it wasn’t like either of you would get backlash in any way, so what was the problem?

you weren’t exactly the type to be the most insecure either

sure, you were aware of the flaws you had, but it wasn’t something you were ashamed of as you learned to get used to it

yet it’s hard to fully love yourself when your boyfriend isn’t even comfortable with the fact that no one knows you two are even together

you hated jumping to conclusions, but you couldn’t help but to think the worst case scenario—was he ashamed of being with you?

you honestly thought the idea was impossible

if he was seriously ashamed of the thought of being with you in public, why would he even waste all those months dating? were all those dates and nights sneaking out to see each other for nothing?

it was like this for weeks with the way your own thoughts sabotaged you as you stood next to him during lunch

in moments like this in school, surrounded by your classmates and acquaintances, you and atsumu were only friends who sat next to each other occasionally and shared conversations that only friends would have

only friends

god, you hated the way that atsumu wouldn’t even look at you the way that he would when you two are alone

was he that embarrassed to be with you?

you didn’t want six months of all your hard work and effort of making time to be with him for nothing,, you had to do something about it

everyday, you, atsumu, and osamu would walk to school together with osamu typically walking ahead of you and your boyfriend

most couples would hold hands as they walked together, but atsumu had made it explicitly clear as the closer they get to school the farther they had to be from each other to avoid suspicions

thinking of it now, it sounded wrong to begin with and you had no idea why you even agreed to do such a thing

the school was close, maybe a block away and instead of slowing down your pace to create a gap between you and atsumu, you stubbornly stayed next to him to which he flickered you a weird look

he shrugged it off but the moment you two passed the gates and into campus, you slipped your hand into his

without missing a single beat atsumu immediately pulled his hand away from you with a look on his face that held all the questions running through his head at that very moment

“what are you doing?” he asks, almost in a harsh whisper

a frown melted upon your expression at how quickly he pulled away, almost as if he was disgusted by you. “i um, didn’t know you hated the thought of people seeing us together so badly.”

you didn’t know where all your strength went as it disappeared the moment you needed it the most

yet as you were about to walk away, atsumu tugs at your wrist lightly and pulls you into his embrace—his warmth and comforting scent of chamomile from  saved you from the embarrassment that was tainting your cheeks red

“no, no it’s not that,” he mutters, lips tickling your forehead. “i just wanted to keep you to myself a bit longer.”

— k. kenma

you honestly weren’t surprised at the fact that kenma wanted this relationship to be kept secret

he never seemed like the type to be in a relationship let alone get the attention of being in one in the first place, yet it irked you to the core

it was fine at first; acting like you two were just friends while at school or at volleyball practice and it wasn’t at all weird or out of the ordinary

maybe that’s why you were okay with it in the first few months of your relationship with kenma as you were always near him the majority of the time

yet you constantly had to fight the urge to not be so touchy with him from wanting to hold his hand to leaning your head onto his shoulder—you often had to stop yourself especially in front of your friends and his teammates

you were good at keep secrets, but it was absolute hell not being able to even tell kuroo considering you always hung out with him too (it was a given obviously but you digress)

kuroo is a bit curious in his closest friend’s antics so his constant teases of how you and kenma would be such a cute couple annoyed you to your core

he laughs as if you and kenma being together would be absolutely impossible and wouldn’t happen in a million years, and yet here you two were, pretending to laugh at his jokes and agreeing and it would be, in fact, impossible

as mentioned before, you’re more annoyed at keeping your relationship secret rather than angry

your actions were more abrupt and cold rather than your usual warm self and kenma definitely noticed

despite his usual calm and collected expression that he has on a daily basis, it covered up his own emotions of blatant insecurity and worry that you were losing your feelings and losing them quick

the last thing kenma wanted was for everything that happened between the two of you to be wasted over his own fear of being judged for being with you

you were his first in everything and he certainly wasn’t going to let you become his first heartbreak either

he worried about this for a few days, overthinking while he played video games with kuroo, lev, and yaku that they noticed how quiet he was being over the call

it was then did he impulsively asked kuroo to go on a separate voice channel with him just so he could blurt out, “i’m dating (y/n).”

and to his surprise, all his best friend said was: “yeah, i know. (y/n) told me.”

“what? why?” kenma asked with confusion evident on his visage

“she had no one else to go to vent.” kuroo answers, his amused laugh echoing through kenma’s headphones. “don’t worry, i won’t tell anyone.”

“thanks, but... i think (y/n)’s angry at me and i don’t know what to do.”

“she told me that she was getting tired of keeping your relationship a secret. she asked me if you felt embarrassed or even ashamed of being with her.” he explained.

confusion and a bit of worry washed over kenma as his words suddenly faltered, “i could never be ashamed of being with her,”

“then i guess, you should tell her that.”

“what should i do?”

his best friend lets on a smirk (not that kenma could even see it, anyway), “i’m so glad you asked.”

you weren’t exactly sure what you expecting to be honest

you knew there was something going on between kenma and kuroo as if they were planning something intricate, but you weren’t bothered to even ask

perhaps you were still in that petty mindset of giving kenma the cold shoulder after having to keep your relationship on hold all the time that stopped your curiosity

sure, it was a bit childish, but you were planning on talking about it with kenma the moment he came back into the classroom after going off somewhere with kuroo

which by the way, where the hell were they? lunch was ending soon and you needed to talk to you boyfriend asap

the timing was almost perfect the way the thought of him entered your mind was at the same time as his familiar blonde hair walked back into the classroom with a melon bun and a canned drink in his hand from the vending machine—your favorites

“i noticed you didn’t eat lunch, so i bought you this.” he says, placing them down onto your desk.

“is this supposed to be your way of apologizing to me or something?” you mused at him.

there was a faint smile on kenma’s face when you did. this was your usual self, one that constantly smiled at him rather than deadpanned and cold. “no,” he simple put it. taking in a breath of confidence before pressing his lips on the corner of yours. “but i was hoping that would.”

with wide eyes, your eyes scanned the room to see if anyone noticed, afraid at the fact that you broke the first rule. despite being a blushing mess from a minuscule peck on your cheek, there was an inkling of confusion still evident within you, “why did you do that?”

“kuroo told me everything.”

“i knew that guy couldn’t keep a secret,” you mutter as you tried to ignore that infamous feeling of butterflies in the pit of your stomach. “i don’t think people saw, so they won’t think we’re together—”

“what if i wanted people to know we’re together?” ded asf

— o. tooru

you honestly should’ve known oikawa was going to keep this relationship between the two of you a secret since the moment he confessed his feelings to you

what else could you have expected from aoba johsai’s most popular boy wonder with an actual fanclub full of naive girls

perhaps you’ve become naive yourself considering you dealt with months of having your relationship constantly being swept under the rug, psyching yourself out that he was doing this for your sake

and you understood that

it was the reason why you even agreed to keep your relationship on the downlow considering how annoyingly notorious oikawa’s fangirls were, they wouldn’t have let you see the light of day if they were to find out

if you were in fact being honest, there was a period in time near the beginning of the relationship how cautious you were being—barely talking to oikawa unless it had to do with school, avoiding his gazes during class, and even swallowing your pride by just watching his fangirls flirt with him and there was nothing you could do about it

you honestly had to give yourself a pat on the bat for dealing with six months of this treatment

you figured it wouldn’t be that bad, especially after schools where you and oikawa could finally have alone time to yourselves, but even those times alone with him there was a lingering feeling of tension and unease

the thought of someone from school even finding out of you two being  together even affected your relationship outside of school hours

you were tired of waiting outside the school gates for hours just for him to come out of volleyball practice and apologize that he couldn’t walk you home yet again

you figured that oikawa had grown far to used to seeing you waiting for him all the time that it was practically common sense that he was going to reject you again and again

you had to stop waiting for him at some point, but there was an inkling inside that for once, just for once, he would look at you with a smile so sweet that he would finally go with you

but not once has it happened

was he really that afraid of people finding out of his relationship with you that he’s willing to disregard all your hard work to even make this thing (whatever is was) to even happen?

if you were truly being honest with yourself, the only reason why this relationship is still up and active for this long is all because of you

you’re the one always asking him when he’s available during the weekends so you two could finally see each other, you’re the one always texting him first, you’re the one always being the most understanding of the situation

and yet it’s almost like oikawa isn’t even batting an eye at how difficult it has been for you

you absolutely hated jumping to conclusions and thinking of the worst case scenario and yet here you were, suddenly drowning at the possibility that the only reason why oikawa wanted a secret relationship was because he was ashamed to be with you

it was a thought that kept you up at night, tainting your optimistic thoughts of hope that this relationship would actually work out to decimate into thin air

the more is simmered in your head, the worse it became—what if his feelings that he confessed to you was a lie?

you hated overthinking

but if you really thought about it, even before you and oikawa dated, neither of you two were close. just two acquaintances in the same class that occasionally shared answers with each other just by the convenience of sitting nearby

you even went as far as believing that him dating you was just a joke, that this whole goddamn relationship was just some mindless prank just because he was bored

six months of wasted time. you were over it

the next day at school, you didn’t even look at him, you didn’t smile or even acknowledge the way he said good morning to you (as a friend does)

you figured he’s probably too dense to even notice, but he did. the usual glow you had each morning when you said good morning back to him was gone

he already missed the way your gazes would meet and how he would constantly find himself lost in your irises, but now you couldn’t even look at him in the eye

the only person who’s aware that you and oikawa were dating was iwaizumi. it was a given as who else would oikawa ramble on and on and on about how pretty you looked or how smart you are if it wasn’t his best friend?

if anything, iwa was the only guy oikawa could complain about how you were ignoring him

“maybe she’s bored of you for once,” iwaizumi cuts straight to the point. there was really no point in beating around the bush

offense was written all over oikawa’s face, utterly surprised, “how could she?”

“you can’t keep your relationship with her a secret forever, you know.” his best friend goes on to explain, “with the way things are going with you two acting like you’re nothing but acquaintances, (y/n)’s bound to lose her feelings.”

“but i don’t want her to lose feelings for me! and it’s not like i can suddenly tell all my fangirls that i’m dating someone, they’ll freak!” whines oikawa.

“why do you care about your fangirls’ feelings more than your own girlfriend? seems to me, it doesn’t even look like you care about (y/n) at all the way she’s constantly waiting for you after practice only to be rejected.”

it’s obvious iwaizumi wasn’t here to sugarcoat

“i just don’t want them to harass (y/n)...” oikawa reasons, trying to ignore the way his heart drop at iwa’s words like a gripping poison

“then that’s your job to tell those girls to back off.” he suggests, “they literally treat you like a god, surely they’ll listen if you tell them to leave her alone.”

the following day, you came across oikawa waiting outside your door, dressed in his uniform with his gaze lingering about to occupying his attention

“what are you doing here?” you ask him as you close your front door behind you. he’s probably here to break up with you, you thought to yourself

you had to force yourself to ignore the way your heart dropped at your own self-destructive thoughts

taking a deep breath as you approached him, you readied yourself for harsh news to come your way

but it never did

instead, you were greeted by oikawa’s infamous smile that made everyone at school to fall in love with this guy (including you)

he takes your hand into his, intertwining his calloused fingers that dwarfed yours in size. you don’t remember the last time you held oikawa’s hand, but it felt so familiar and warm

it was like home

you couldn’t help but feeling the ends of your lips tugging into a smile as you looked up at him, “what if someone at school sees us?”

you were expecting some kind of excuse, but all he did was shrug. “who cares?”

— k. tetsurou

when you and kuroo started going out, you certainly wasn’t expecting it to be like this

if anything, ‘going out’ would be a stretch if you count late night dates and sneaking out at midnight just to see each other as dating

it certainly wasn’t your usual definition of dating either as you yearned greatly to be able to do normal couple things with your boyfriend—like actually going out on dates during the day, eating lunch together, hell, even just holding hands!

it almost seemed laughable how normal things done in relationships were something you never even experienced with kuroo even after a few months of being together all due to him wanting to keep the relationship a secret

and if you were truly being honest with yourself, you never really understood why he wanted to keep it on the downlow in the first place

you never really questioned it as you just that much of an understanding person, but at a certain point it just wasn’t adding up

it wasn’t like he had girls going after him 24/7 despite being at the top of his class, popular, and nekoma’s volleyball captain

it wasn’t like oikawa who had an actual problem with hoards of girls surrounding him and tracking his ever move, so what was the big deal of letting your relationship public?

it was then did it hit you

the suddenly downpour of insecurity within your own loving boyfriend that you trust so much was getting the best of you

“what if he’s embarrassed to even be with me?” you contemplated in a harsh whisper to your best friend

it was in the middle of lunch and you two were sitting alone on a bench in the school’s courtyard chatting while eating—well, more like overthinking in your case while you friend just sat there and nodded

“if he actually felt that way, then he would’ve broken up with you already.” your friend stated in between bites, “besides, if i didn’t have feelings for someone, i wouldn’t put in the effort to sneak out just to see them.”

you hummed, not sure what to say as she did have a point

but could you really blame yourself for wanting an actual relationship rather than one that’s forced to go unnoticed?

“i should talk to kuroo about it...” you sigh out.

“talk to me about what?” an oh-so-familiar voice calls out to you and your friend

kuroo’s figure approaches the two of you as he give you a curt smile with hidden meanings that you weren’t able to even notice. you were too caught up in your own meddling thoughts that you also didn’t notice the way kuroo frowned slightly at the way you avoided eye contact with him

“nothing,” was all you said before standing up and throwing your trash away. “lunch is almost over so we should all get to class.” was all you said before briskly walking away

kuroo’s brows furrow in confusion as he looks over to your friend, “what’s up with (y/n)?”

“she thinks you’re too embarrassed to be with her, that’s why you hide your relationship.” she cuts straight to the point (homegirl just wants to eat her lunch in peace ffs)

“what?” your boyfriend huffs out in shock, almost offended at the fact that you out of all people would believe such a thing. “why does she think that?”

your friends shrugs, “not sure. that’s something you should be asking her, but if it were me, i would want a normal relationship as well.”

kuroo doesn’t say another word before walking away. and yet his walk quickened so he could catch up to you before you could get to class, footsteps echoing through the hallway in patters as he sees your familiar figure near your classroom 

“(y/n)!” he calls out to you as you slide the classroom’s door open. it was sure to catch the attention of the rest of the students already in the classroom as you turn towards him, brows furrowed in the same confusion

as he neared you, there was almost no sign in him stopping, sending your heart beating in a frenzy as you parted your lips to tell him to slow down

but before a single syllable could even fall from your lips, your boyfriend’s own pair press against yours harshly. it was sweet like caramel and you swore everything moved in a slow motion when you suddenly realized where you two were

he stole your breath away when he pulled apart from you, eyes immediately scanning the room of his own classmates staring at him in awe

“since when were you two dating?” matsukawa asked rather loudly, it seemed that others were interested in knowing as well.

panic suddenly coursed through you as you gave kuroo a look, gravely ignoring the way yoru heart was thumping against your chest and the dozens of unanswered questions running through your head

“w-we’re not actually dati—”

“we’ve been together for a few months actually.” kuroo cuts you off, sending you a wink before entering the classroom

[jjungkookislife]

Quarterly Fic Recs 2021 #2

Hello! I’m back with another rec list! Here are fics I’ve read, loved and thoroughly enjoyed in the second quarter of 2021! They are all very wonderful fics! Each story has its own genre, warnings (and are mostly 18+), so please take that into consideration before reading. If any authors would like me to untag them, please let me know. Enjoy!

Yoongi

before i leave you @hollyhomburg

summary: Yoongi Disappears- leaving behind a shattered pack. 8 months later, Jimin finds Yoongi in an H-mart of all places.

Hoseok

heart-on @junghelioseok

summary: my boss is always telling me how perfect her son would be for me and she promises he’s coming to the next holiday party and don’t worry he’s heard all about me too and ALSO there’s this dude i slept with once a couple of months ago and sometimes he still sends me dick pics when i ask him to at 3 in the morning cause seriously dude’s got a good dick

Jungkook

charmolypi @njssi

summary: Work and pleasure should never be combined — or so the saying goes. But you were never really one to follow the rules in their entirety and neither were the ones around you. Love, lust, interest. Five people. In the workplace. What could go wrong? Everyone just wants to get something, after all.

when you least expect it @johobi

summary: You’re in love with your childhood friend, Taehyung. The problem is, you treasure your friendship with him far too much to ever risk losing it. Oh, and he’s quite the Casanova. At your wits’ end with feelings you can no longer hide as diligently as you once did, you ask him to set you up with someone, anyone, in a last ditch attempt to avoid a heartbreaking conversation.

wherever there is you @jeonstudios

summary: you’ve been drinking, haven’t you?

instant gratification @dovechim

fuckboi@jungkook x cheerleader!reader

haze @yyooni

summary: So you’ve fucked the biggest fuck boy on campus. It’s a one and done. One night stand. A wham bam thank you ma’am. So why does it happen again?

OT7/Multiple Members

because i’m yours @minniepetals

summary: you should have known they’d never let you go after gathering the courage to ask for a kiss

blazed @ironicarmy

summary: Your friends try to cheer you up during Christmastime, but things go south once Hoseok appears with a mysterious brown bag.

Seokjin

one step @cutechim

summary:  attending an ex’s wedding is never easy, but you might just have the perfect remedy—if you can pluck up the courage to take it.

platonic @joheunsaram

summary: Finding a new method for stress relief, you rope in your bestfriend/fwb to try it out with you.

show me yours and i’ll show you mine @ktheist

summary: you’re a horny bunny yet kim seokjin always seems to manage to slide out of your grasps like a fox every time.

Yoongi

before i leave you pt. 7 @/hollyhomburg

summary: Pack omega kim Seokjin knows how to handle things when they go south (or alternatively you get triggered, Yoongi has a panic attack, and it’s a good thing the pack is there to help)

Hoseok

risky business @yoonjinkooked

summary: The person who invented smart glass office walls knew what they were doing. Your secretary fucks you stupid in the office.

snapshot @xjoonchildx

summary: after a day at the beach, hoseok has some surprises in store for his longtime love

keep me warm @ppersonna

summary: camping is always a great time when you’re with your friends, but even better with your boyfriend, hoseok.

it’s you @jinpanman

summary: An accidental confession throws your years-long friendship with Hoseok into disarray.

Namjoon

love bytes @stutterfly

summary: It’s been a year since you first met Kim Namjoon, the passionate, talented English professor at the local campus. He’s always been clumsy and aloof, but he’s on a whole new level in terms of “technologically incapable.” One call to IT was all it took to pull you into his life, and with it a whole string of friendships full of flirtatious banter and undying support.

Your dating situation has been drier than the Sahara for years now, and you’ve wasted too many lonely nights drinking alone, so you try your hand at Tinder. But you’re not getting any bites. When the group finds out, they are more than willing to help–even Namjoon, though he finds it increasingly difficult to deny that he’s hopelessly smitten. You consider their opinions on potential Tinder dates while fighting off feelings you never knew were brewing for the caring soul who becomes the home you never had.

out of my league @/ppersona

summary: Kim Namjoon was never supposed to find out about your years-long hopeless crush on him. And he most definitely was not supposed to find out about it in front of all your coworkers in a company-wide meeting.

so this is love @jinpanman

summary: “So this is the miracle that I’ve been dreaming of. So this is love.”

problem solved @sugasbabiie

summary: Namjoon helps you with more than math problems tonight.

love is @hxseok-honee

summary: they say that love is supposed to transcend time and space and that it knows no limits. but putting an ocean and thousands of miles between two people won’t make things any easier, will it? 

Jimin

potent pink @dntaewithluv

summary: The first time you see Park Jimin you’re instantly entranced by him. And it turns out he lives in the apartment next to the one you’re moving into, so even better he’s your hot neighbor. When the previous tenant confesses to you that he was the best hook up she ever had, you’re that much more intrigued. The first time you meet him, however, you’re deciding immediately that you hate him and want to stay as far away from him as possible. Jimin is determined to be a constant in your life though, and he definitely is that. Both a constant flirt and a constant pain in your ass. Is a ruined second impression enough to prevent you from ever giving him a second chance?

Taehyung

hush, yeah? @kithtaehyung

summary: the innocent accident that started it all

unfinished business @/dntaewithluv

summary: Besides wanting to catch up with some old friends, there’s only one reason you found yourself agreeing to attend your 10 year high school reunion. The boy you were in love with back then is going to be there, and you’re determined to finally make your move. Except, unfortunately, it turns out that Kim Seokjin is very much happily married. Kim Taehyung, however, is very much single and feels like he has something to prove to you after you turned him down all those years ago. One night is all it takes to make you realize you made the biggest mistake of your life.

under the covers @jessikahathaway

spy!au

darling @bloomsuga

summary: “go to sleep, darling.”

as endless as the stars ^

summary: he waited 160 years to meet you again, and now that he has, he’s not letting go. or: “i love you as deep as the ocean and as endless as the stars”

dirty dishes @jaysdimples

summary: when your boyfriend can’t seem to keep his hands to himself so he stirs up a little trouble in the kitchen while everyone else is a few feet away in the next room

devotion @/sweetbunnykook

summary: You and Taehyung were inseparable once. When you come back to your hometown after three years, fate pulls you back to him. And this time, Taehyung won’t ever keep his eyes off of you.

Jungkook

commercial break; twelve @1kook

summary: Anyway, if it was up to Jungkook, Kim Doyeon would not be a member of the Engagement Ring Committee.

tease @adonis-koo

summary:You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb.

jock!jk @angelguk

summary: going raw with jock jk

evolution of a lover’s heart @jeonstudios

summary: the rules are simple: first one to take the virginity wins.

euphoria @btssavedmylifeblr

summary: At the end of your life, you are given one day to live again with the man you loved. A lifetime’s love story told in a single day.

idealizations concerning real life relations @venusiangguk

summary: jungkook loves to be loved, but he doesn’t love in return.

relax @itsbuffsanta

summary: jk is antsy after the concert, so you help him relax.

employee of the month @/dntaewithluv

summary: Sometimes it truly amazes you how much of an idiot your boyfriend can be. But you also find it impossible to say no to him. Even when it involves letting him fuck you at his work on the same day that he gets awarded employee of the month…

ego 08 @suga-kookiemonster

summary: what’s a girl to do when her sweet, innocent baby lab partner isn’t quite so sweet and innocent? well, he’s a grown-ass man, and you’re about to learn that the hard way.

only you 10 @sweetbunnykook 

summary: Jeon Jungkook, your wedding photographer, helps you escape on your big day upon learning about a secret your groom-to-be kept hidden. You soon fall for this young, passionate photographer. However, you underestimated just how much he was willing to reciprocate that love. Maybe, you think, he’s loving you just a little too much.  

lunchbox lovers @jiminrings

stem major!koo x cold senior!y/n

crunchyroll & rail @/1kook

summary: Never mind the fact you really like Sailor Moon, or that you really want to pay attention to every little detail; the moment becomes Jungkook and his big smile and his red cheeks and the tiny box he produces from within his pocket.

only for you @jikookiekosmos

summary: It’s the night before your wedding and you should be happy…but a fight with your fiancé leaves you second guessing everything. A visit from the blue-haired boy of your dreams is just what you need to make it right.

lillies @dewykth

summary: “… white lines, pretty baby, tattoos, don’t know what they mean, they’re special just for you…”

bluekooberry @kimtaehyunq

summary: Your adoring boyfriend, Jungkook, surprises you with a brand new hairstyle before your trip to visit him for the weekend. He’s excited to see you, feed you, and give you exactly what you want.

bad reputation @noteguk

summary: in which you have to deal with some strange emotions for the first time.

not yet @bratkook

summary: jungkook feels the pang of guilt in his gut when you spot your recent ex out with his new girl, and what better way to make the jerk hurt than to have him believe you were now dating him, the neighbor he had been insecure about your whole relationship

incoming: elite chatboy @kookingtae

summary: welcome to Elite Chatroom, a sex chat company with a wide variety of services such as text messaging, phone call, and video chat. you signed up online for the most basic text service plan not knowing what to expect, but you certainly didn’t think you’d end up actually liking the man behind the screen.

ineffable @euphoria-vmin7

summary: your best friend Jeon Jeongguk has always been amazing and deserved the best, so you’ve hid your love for him. But unbeknowsnt to you, there may be feelings that could change everything between you two…

touch @gardentulips

summary: when you tease and please one another

Multiple Members

friendly fire @kpopfanfictrash

summary: The dynamic: Hoseok; your friend and previous fuck buddy. Jungkook; Hoseok’s roommate and subject of your massive crush. The scene: determined not to drunk-gush about your crush any more (to his face), you decide to seclude yourself from all campus parties. Until, of course, Hoseok guilts you into a favor. Things spiral from there.

the boys are back in town @/dntaewithluv

summary: Getting stood up by your date definitely hadn’t been on your agenda for the evening. Also definitely not on your agenda: bumping into Park Jimin and Jeon Jungkook. Together. On the same exact night. It’s been a while since you’ve seen your two best friends, as well as lovers on multiple occasions, from your high school and college days. A chance meeting, some drinks, and a trip down memory lane is all it takes to reignite the attraction between the three of you. Old habits die hard, but these two? They just might be the death of you.

ruin you @taegularities

summary: “His eyes hold unfathomable darkness that lures you in, captures your very soul, steals any air you are trying to draw. And you know without a doubt that you’re on the path to utter and irrevocable ruination.”

ruin you (once more) ^

summary: Taehyung and Jungkook can’t keep their hands off you. Not even in the elevator.

Seokjin

kairos @luffles424

summary: When your financial aid falls through for your last year of school, you fear you’ll have to drop out and postpone your degree. Until Taehyung gives you a suggestion to make a lot of money, quick. His idea can’t possibly end well, can it?

appetence @luffles424

summary: appetence (n.) - an eager desire, an instinctive inclination; an attraction or a natural bondIt’s time for Seokjin’s rut. Are either of you prepared for this step?

tiny lights, tiny lies @ggukcangetit

summary: you aren’t sure when exactly your best friend’s brother went from being an oddly annoying set of broad shoulders to the shoulders you frequently fell asleep against.

Yoongi

the little things @kimtaehyunq

summary: When the present isn’t exactly enough for you right now, Yoongi is here for you through it all. He makes sure you know you aren’t alone and that it’s ok to feel alone.

cyberslut @kimnjss

summary:  he has no idea who you are… up front, you’re sweet and innocent - but in reality you’re the exact opposite. running your own nsfw account, where your favorite topic is his hands.

yoongi drabble @joonsgalore

life guard au

Hoseok

benefits @cutechim

summary: you and hoseok have taken the ‘friends’ out of friends with benefits, but exclusivity has its own perks.

Namjoon

namjoon drabble @lovetrivia

summary: You’re a hot girl on Twitch and Namjoon is an absolute simp.

Jimin

baby fever @writtenwhalien

summary: Jimin wants another baby, and much to your delight, he’s determined to give you one.

jimin drabble @/1kook

best friend au

small hands jimin drabble @lavishedinjimin

established relationship au

silk and lace @sunshyngal

summary: Min Nara is the newly dumped fiance to the Crown prince of Korea, Park Jimin. She’s not overtly upset , because at least now she can live her life without the pressure of the monarchy hanging over her head. Besides , Nara has a very dirty little secret. While she spends the day as the perfect high society girl with an impeccable pedigree , her nights are filled with lacy lingerie and webcams.  Ignored by the man she’s meant to marry, she revels in the greedy lust of strangers on the internet. It’s her way of saying ‘fuck you’ to a system that sees her as nothing but a toy, molded for the future King. Park Jimin doesn’t know the first thing about his supposed fiancee. And he has no intention of learning either. He knows just what debutante girls are like and he has no patience for the kind. Besides, his girlfriend of three years, the elegant and independent Irene is everything he would ever want in a wife . Or is she?Because in the secrecy of his office , after the day’s work is done , Park Jimin has a very scintillating vice that he likes to indulge in : the beautiful camgirl who calls herself the Temptress. Jimin can’t get enough of the girl’s lush thighs wrapped in silk, the pretty pink of her nipples in see through bralettes and the glittering temptation of the jeweled plugs she likes to stuff herself full with.Jimin thinks she embodies  everything he can never allow himself to have as a Prince : filth, sin and decadence , all wrapped up in Silk and Lace.

Taehyung

nip it in the bud @opaljm

summary: You’re not sure how you ended up here, but maybe a shitty ex and a horrible breakup had a hand in what placed you in front of the tattoo parlor. It was already a nerve-wracking experience, but what you never expected was seeing that the owner and artist giving you nipple piercings was your older brother’s best friend you hadn’t seen in ages. to make things even worse, he got fucking hotter.

taehyung drabble @joonsgalore

sugar daddy au

peanut @jungxk

summary: the making of peanut.

Jungkook

pretty kitty @venusiangguk

summary: you’re jk’s baby, his toy, and now his pretty little pet.

heavy metal @hisunshiine

summary: You come home from a trip to find your fuckbuddy has a… hole-y surprise.

devour @bloomsuga

summary: my sweet angel… i am going to devour you

grain of sand @jungkookiebus

summary: Blind since the age of 18 from a genetic disorder, Jungkook walked through life as if he never lost it, but on one fateful day seven years ago he literally almost runs into you. He fell in love nearly immediately. Fast forward to the present and it’s just another day in your quiet life with him by your side.

under the oak tree @mingoyeob

summary: as the eldest daughter of a duke, it’s your duty to marry at your father’s will. yet you didn’t expect to be marrying jeon jungkook, a knight of low status, especially when he departs for an expedition without another word after your first night. when he comes back three years later, this time as a renowned hero, how will you be able to face him and how will things change between you and your new husband?

jungkook drabble @1kook

dilf!jk

commercial break: thirteen ^

summary: Because for as much shit as you let him get away with, Jungkook is certain you’ll draw the line today.

sh. @wwilloww

summary: How could you say no to a month away in the mountains with your friends after six months of grueling quarantine?

jungkook drabble @lavishedinjimin

daddy!jk

OT7/Multiple Members

the end @jimlingss

summary: It’s been a habit of yours to vent in the form of love letters. There’s six in total. They’re kept secret, hidden in your closet. But on your 30th birthday, what you least expect is for each letter to become reality. All done by the whacky ghost of Christmas future trying to grant your birthday wish.

[creatingnikki]

What 2020 has taught me

1. Those things that seem like content for sci fi or pure fiction are actually things that can happen. To the entire world. Like a pandemic. And to you. Like a seizure.

2. Everyone is sad. Everyone is struggling. In different ways and in different measures. Makes no one special. But you still get to feel sad for yourself and be compassionate towards others. But it's also okay to draw boundaries because you're everyone too. Remember, not special? You're sad and trying to deal with it too.

3. Every job you have will not add value to your life. It will not teach you new things or give you people you'll want to stay in touch with. Sometimes some jobs will only be a season of your life. Even if the season lasts for over a year. It's okay.

4. You know how you thought picking a college and picking a major and picking your first job and picking a specific industry were all the career decisions you had to make? Yeah, no. It's never a one time thing. You could have a job as a marketing strategist for two years and then want nothing to do with it. And then you'll have to make another decision and work towards it. So I'd like to call it moves. It's like chess. You always have to make a move. And it always has to be strategic, yes. But the truth is in your 20s it probably won't. Even if you try. And as long as you're trying, you'll be fine.

5. You may have different sorts of friends like the one you only talk to about kdrama with or the one you met when you went book shopping alone and the friendship is all about books really. That's normal. But irrespective of why and how you became friends with them, if you consider them a friend then there has to be this basic sense of care, respect and empathy for each other. I don't care what people want to say. If you're faced with the worst trauma of your life, the least your friends can do is check up on you regularly. On text. And if they don't even do that then guess what? They aren't friends. They are acquaintances. Social media and quick promises make everyone seem like your friend. But they are not. They are just nice people who will be nice to you for specific periods and then wander away like you are a speck of dust floating in their journey.

6. You speak a lot and write and you express yourself and you’re emotionally mature but oh my god. You still hold in so much. You’ve known that at a subconscious level and over the last year people - experts - have told you that. You have also realized that you make your pain and sadness about pettier things because dealing with them, admitting about them, sharing that with your friends, is easier. You do that so that you don’t have to deal with the real stuff. Because it’s so damn painful. And you don’t know how to do it. Yet. Acknowledging is the first step anyway right? I know you’re confused about how exactly to let go of all this pain and sadness and feel lighter, and you know that talking to people really isn’t the solution, but I also know you’re smart enough to figure it out. 

7. Talking about being smart...you know you’re different than others. Better. Special. Smarter. None of these are the right words. And you never voiced this out until this year because you knew it would make you come across as narcissistic. Some would say it’s because you’re an INFJ. But my mother once said that this may be the first time we are consciously living life but our souls are old and so our instinct and the things we know but can’t explain are because this isn’t the first time for our souls. The connections we feel with certain people, the reason we are so different from our siblings who grew up in the exact same environment with the exact same opportunities, our sense of right and wrong...it’s all because our souls learn and grow with each time and that’s why we are who we are. I think that’s probably how I can explain what I have always felt. That I am living in a different universe than everybody but I have to pretend to be in this one and dumb my emotions and thoughts down. Maybe that’s because my soul has lived through thousands of years while most around me are living their 100th life. Or maybe I’m just narcissistic, who knows?

8. You shift between talking in first person and second person but that’s because that’s how you think in your head and talk to yourself and live your life. You ask yourself things and you accuse yourself of things and you apologize to yourself and you comfort yourself. I think that seeps into your writing and the changing of the voices. 

9. You always genuinely thought that you’d not be afraid of dying. And then what happened this October proved you shockingly wrong. I know it’s not so much being afraid of dying but the unbearable pain of knowing what that would mean to your family. So you have to be more prudent and less reckless with your life and the choices you make. 

10. Regret is not something that plagued you but this year the realisation and pain of giving away your favourite books from your own personal collection to people you care about as a show of affection and them turning out to be ass holes or losers has hit you so hard. So, yes. No more of that shit. I really fucking want my copy of The Perks Of Being A Wallflower back. UGH. With the childhood picture of me inside it! 

11. Sleeping at 5 am in the morning stops being fun or romanticised when you realise just how much harm it does to your body and mind. Literally every single disease and disorder can be traced back to a shitty fucking sleep schedule. It’s not just the hours you sleep but also the quality of sleep and the time you sleep at. So yes sleeping for 8 hours is healthy but not if that 8 hours is from 5 am to 12 pm. ‘Not a morning person’ is just another construct of capitalism and you don’t realise how many industries profit from having you believe that and staying up late or all night. Entertainment. Food. Alcohol. Pharma. Biologically and naturally you are a bloody morning person. And you don’t need 3 cups of coffee to begin your day or your phone notifications to get you to open your eyes and brain to wake up. 

12. Sometimes you really have to stop taking people so seriously. I know the idea of treating people as casual friends or entertainment makes you want to fight that concept but you know what? Some people like Pineapple are ever only going to be good for that. No matter how much they ‘grow and change’. So keep them in the background for whenever you want some entertainment or drama. But please don’t clear up your busy schedule to meet them or send them gifts on their birthday. 

13. If you don’t have the fruit juice or green juice within half an hour of making it then you are losing out on its most optimum health benefits. Or when you remove the white stringy stuff from oranges. That’s where all the actual nutrients are.

14. I am privileged and so are most of the people I interact with. The global pandemic has been hell for a lot of people around the world. Health wise. Financially. Losing people they care about. But I was blessed enough to be safe at home and have a job that I could smoothly do from home and not have a pay cut or 4-hour long Zoom meetings. So honestly when my friends tell me 2020 has been bad I have to stop and ask them why? Yes, the crippling uncertainty and anxiety is not something that can be undermined. But most people I know had very great positive life-changing milestones this year like moving away to another country for college or taking their first solo trip or getting married. So I have to ask them. Because I am not going to agree that everybody’s 2020 and pandemic narrative is the same. 

15. Money gets spent really quickly. When I left my job earlier this year because of personal issues, I thought I had enough savings to last me a year. Full disclosure - I mean to last my personal expenses because I live with my parents. But it didn’t even last me 3 months. And so to use money wisely and buy things that provide utility than instant gratification is something to follow. Also buying one pair of really expensive but quality shoes is better than buying 5 pairs of affordable but low quality shoes that will have a very short life and force you to buy more. I know that higher price doesn’t always mean better quality but sometimes it does. And as an adult now I want to do the whole quality > quantity thing even with things and not just people. 

16. Everyone in their 20s went through a crisis of what they should do with their lives and their careers and it’s not unique to the 21st century and the challenges of today. Whether it was Vincent Van Gogh in the 19th century or Sylvia Plath in the 20th, every single person, as brilliant as them went through the torture of making these decisions and living with their consequences. You may think I picked wrong examples for they both killed themselves but you know what? They were the people who really want to live more than anyone. They knew what life meant. And maybe if mental health help was more accessible back then their lives would be longer and more peaceful. 

17. Telling people everything is overrated. You don’t have to talk about every single thing that’s on your mind or that’s going on in your life. The good and the bad and the mediocre. You have to be mindful about how much of yourself you’re giving away. 

18. Re-watch Suits when people at work feel intimidating because the confidence + negotiation tactics that they show can actually work irl cos at the end of the day no matter in what position you’re dealing with people who have emotions and fears and insecurities and desires. You understand how to leverage that nobody can get the better of you. 

19. You belong to yourself. No matter how much you love someone or how much they have done for you or how much you owe them - you belong to yourself. You can’t live your life for someone else. Everyone belongs to themselves first. No relationship, no promise, no circumstance should make you feel like you have to give up your life and make it all about them. If and when the time comes to die for them, go ahead. Take a bullet. Donate that kidney. Write them in your will. But live your life for yourself. And let them live theirs. 

20. Twenty three was a challenging year. When it started you claimed the age 23 sounds boring and insignificant. Guess it proved you wrong. It hurt so much now. But that only means you’ll look back on it later and see how it added so much wisdom and resilience to your being. It doesn’t mean that it makes all the bad things that happened to you okay. Or that you should be grateful to them. Fuck no. It means that you should be kinder to yourself because at the end of the day, your mind and body find it in themselves to deal with whatever is thrown their way. They have your back. It’s time you learn to sit straight. 

[ilikekidsshows]

One thing that pisses me off not just about the miraculous fandom but modern fandoms is fans inability to consume long overarching stories.

Like so many people are complaining about how long the reveal is taking or why haven't certain characters outgrown this trait yet or why is this character arc botched or abandoned. Like guys we just got the confirmation this show will be 7 seasons long PLUS like 3 tv specials. We're only roughly halfway through the series.

Once the reveal happens half the tension in the show is gone! I'm not saying leave the reveal till season 7 and make us wait 9 years this isn't HIMYM but miraculous is not a fast paced story. It's a long haul story. I just wish more fans would be patient. Miraculous is in the extremely fortunate and rare position that it will have a conclusive end and not be suddenly cancelled. That was and still is a huge problem for shows and cartoons with dedicated fans but networks pull the plug for stupid ass reasons.

So miraculous fans please chill the fuck out on things not resolving right away. We still have 78+ episodes plus the tv specials. If we get the end to certain things now it'll be so boring.

I think the concept of Instant Gratification describes the issue with many modern fandoms today. I hate to sound like I'm anti-technology, but the constant stream of quick and short bursts of entertainment allowed by the information age has made people more impatient. It's not about waiting for the climax to get a deeper sense of satisfaction, it's about getting that instant gratification right this instant. It's why one-shot fanfics are all over the place, when multi-chapter stories used to be just as common and popular, if not even more so, and it’s also why people are less willing to read a fic that’s still a work in progress. It's why people refuse to watch Youtube video essays even as they leave comments on the topic based on the title and thumbnail alone because, while they couldn't be assed to watch a 20-minute video (let alone an hour long one), they sure can spend that time calling the Youtuber names and making arguments the video actually already refutes. It's why a lot of online arguments happen only because one party read nothing but the first and maybe the last paragraph of someone's post and skipped all the explanation for their point of view (if I've ignored an counter argument for one of my posts, it was either because I missed it or because said counter argument did this. I have attention deficit issues so I do genuinely forget responses sometimes, but I'm also not writing a second essay for someone who's proven to me they won't read it).

Of course, it's only by constantly consuming only fast-paced content that you can become this impatient. People have different ideas about stories based on what stories they have encountered in the past.

Another thing that influences the Miraculous fandom in particular is that, while I love to show off exactly how much Miraculous has done to build up the overarching plotlines, Miraculous isn't really a show that's about a single story. It's easy to understand why people think it is one though: there's one main villain, we keep discovering more about the mythology, one of the main plot threads is the romantic relationship between the leads and singular episodes and plot elements tend to get payoff later. What is the purpose of a show if not to progress the story? Because the heroes aren't getting closer to defeating Gabriel or getting together, people think that the story isn't accomplishing anything.

I'll do a comparison to illustrate why these things aren't as clear-cut signs of a continuous storyline as people think. In the Spider-Man comics, you can pick any issue up and the chances are that the villain will be a part of Spider-Man's already established Rogues Gallery, who's back for more after who knows how many defeats, and those past defeats might even get referenced in callbacks to previous issues. It's also very possible that Peter and Mary Jane's relationship is the central focus with them not being together yet, having relationship problems or even having broken up (in really old issues the girl might be Gwen Stacy and short-term options have also always been available for romantic entanglements). Does this mean Spider-Man is a continuous story where the only point is that all the villains get put away for good and Peter and MJ live happily ever after? No, it doesn't. Spider-Man is designed to go on indefinitely, so there's no clear ending point. So, what is the point of Spider-Man then, if there is no Ending?

It used to be the single issue, because comic books used to have every issue be a stand-alone story about the hero and their supportive cast. These days it's more every three-to-six issues, because superhero comics are written to have short story arcs that can then be collected into trade paperbacks. A superhero series is not a single story; it's a series that functions as a story engine, meaning the series can generate several shorter stories where the hero helps fix a problem or solve a mystery.

In the superhero genre a villain will never get killed off or removed from stories permanently as long as the writers think they can still come up with stories to tell about them. The hero's romantic life will never be completely smooth sailing unless the writer is using other things to ramp up the stakes. Everything always allows for there to be another adventure.

I think the huge success of Avatar: the Last Airbender made people think that a series that is a single story is always superior to a series with multiple shorter plots. When I was liveblogging Sailor Moon, a viewer offered to give me a list of all the non-filler episodes because they genuinely thought I'd feel like I was wasting time on the show otherwise. This attitude is simply not based on fact. It's not fair to compare Miraculous Ladybug to Avatar, because they're both setting up to do completely different things. Miraculous Ladybug is trying to become a brand, like Batman or Spider-Man. It is part of the "Zag Heroes" lineup, a series of French-created superhero franchises to compete in the America-centric superhero market. This challenge is good for the genre, because Marvel and DC have started resembling each other more and more as these companies stew in their old ideas and copy everything that worked for the other one. The superhero genre needs new blood.

Also, Avatar: the Last Airbender first became popular by doing episodic plots for almost the entirety of the first season because it's actually not a wise choice to expect the audience to be willing to commit to a story that'll only give payoff later when working with an untested IP. Very often shows with longer story arcs start with the episodic format to hook people first, and sometimes the more linear plot is introduced specifically because the audience for the show is now expected to be both dedicated enough and older and capable of keeping up. Because, here's the thing: you can't expect little kids to remember every episode or even every character you've introduced in your show. I'm not sure if people are ready to hear that but I'm throwing it out there anyway. Kids are not dumb, they can understand more complex storylines, but many kids are still training their memory, so they might not remember the details of complex storylines that go on for too long.

This is why the news that Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season was going to have a recommended viewing order originally had me concerned. Miraculous is being branded for kids. The plot requiring too much skill in memorizing story details will make it less accessible to kids and might put those two additional seasons at risk. However, it seems that the "constantly changing status quo" concept of Truth, Lies and Gang of Secrets was a fluke and the evolution of the show is more subtle, so they might not be cutting the amount of episodes for those final seasons because the show is getting too complicated for kids to follow all the important details.

Regardless, Miraculous Ladybug being an adventure cartoon TV show instead of a comic book or a more cheaper-to-produce TV drama does mean that Miraculous Ladybug isn’t expected to go on for decades like a superhero comic or a soap opera. Because of this, it can have evolution and changes and even a planned ending. The show is expected to end at some point, even by the people making money off of it, mostly because making a cartoon like this indefinitely costs a lot of money, and kids’ adventure shows tend to see a decrease in returns if they go on for too long.

[somerpmemes]

Disenchantment S3 Starters

Change as needed

“Who can resist a creepy mom hug?”

“She’s not an ugly, evil bitch. But she is sluttier than I imagined.”

“When I last saw you, you were a lot more dead.”

“Is your life so awful you have to keep wrecking mine?”

“You were a model of regal barbarism.”

“Something’s going on.”

“Like any two numbers, this don’t add up.”

“You’re a bloodthirsty bastard.”

“I’m no decision-maker, I’m an action-taker.”

“Oh, I wanted to gloat directly over our victim’s corpse.”

“Hand me a murder stick.”

“For a dying man, he’s making a lot of noise.”

“World domination can wait.”

“I’m allergic to pandering.”

“Trust me, I’m not playing mind games with you.”

“Just promise you’ll think about giving me another chance.”

“Hallelujah, amen, and ka-ching.”

“You realize you’re all I have.”

“I know you’re lying but I hope one day you’ll mean that.”

“Is it still true love if your wallet is missing?”

“I just figured out this is a bad idea.”

“Oh, this ruins so many fantasies.. but opens up so many new ones.”

“Actually, pretending to care about your feelings was exhausting.”

“___, do what you do best. Take your mommy issues out on somebody else.”

“This is the sinister plot that just keeps giving.”

“Souls are meant for damnation, not soup.”

“Fooling foolish fools is so satisfying.”

“Oh, that’s delightfully craven.”

“Okay I get it, I have a hot mom.”

“It’s not even good cake.”

“Aww, he spelt it ‘yer’.”

“I believe it’s pronounced ‘skedaddle’.”

“I always wanted to get lost in a labyrinth. It's like a puzzle you solve with your feet.”

“If someone else is plotting without us, I will be really miffed.”

“Aren’t boots supposed to bend at the knees?”

“They’re just being really hurtful.”

“I’ll never fall for one of your tricks again.”

“I won’t say that doesn’t hurt.”

“And now, I just wanna lie down.”

“I think we’re getting away with it.”

“Ugh, I swear these tight, sexy clothes were designed to cut off cognitive thinking.”

“Disappointment’s a form of caring.”

“Who you are is a nobody and what you are ain’t nothing.”

“Stop being so agreeable!”

“I dreamed of this moment for so long, but I’m more worried than validated.”

“He looks so different with his head sliced off.”

“You have the worst luck I’ve ever seen.”

“I don’t know how this could get any more degrading.”

“Don’t ever walk barefoot around here. And never eat at the strip clubs.”

“But often the craziest thoughts are the most true, you nutloaf!”

“This is a classy affair, more cleavage.”

“This means so much to whoever I am.”

“I’ve got a nice thing going. I don’t wanna mess it up by opening up my big mouth.”

“I would love to have you as one of my exes but I think it’s best if you think of me as your slutty grandma.”

“The faster you run the more beer you get.”

“Sorry, I’m a little damp and cranky.”

“I’m addicted to stealing wallets now.”

“A veritable sandwich of danger.”

“Neither of us are cats.”

“Yeah, well, I’m gonna knife you in your throat.”

“Now swim for it before the crabs swarm over you.”

“Wow! You can really taste the rage.”

“So it’s agreed, we don’t get caught.”

“Man, after-work drinks taste so much better than instead-of-work drinks.”

“If I were afraid I wouldn’t be here.”

“I know a lot of psychos.”

“Pretend like we planned on meeting here so no one yells at me for cutting in line.”

“It’s as educational as it is moisturizing.”

“Ha! That’s what you get for believing in love!”

“You were always good at sticking to things.”

“I know you don’t trust me, but whatever you do, do not trust him.”

“If I can’t trust you, how can I trust you to tell me who to trust?”

“What are you offering here?”

“This is big, I really need some time to drink about this.”

“Who is interrupting my insomnia!?”

“You act angry on the outside but deep down you’re lonely and inadequate.”

“I look like a macho flowerpot.”

“Like, I’ve hear of fashion disasters but you, sir, are a genocide.”

“Now to blend invisibly into the crowd.”

“I’m your knight in rusty armor.”

“Don’t take this the wrong way but, shut up ___.”

“Oh my god, I’m insulting myself.”

“We’re all ashamed of some flaw we can’t change.”

“Nature is full of green.”

“I bring good old-fashioned psychological torture to the party, okay? Just like your grandmother made.”

“Wow! This malnutrition is really slimming.”

“Oh my god, enough with the romantic fantasies.”

“That hot trash is with me.”

“I will never find that boot again.”

“Love is risky. That's what makes it so great, it pays off!”

“All I have is nightmares now.”

“How do you want to die? Slowly or extra slowly?”

“We’re one step away from happily ever after.”

“___, who have you pissed off this time?”

“Everything is either trying to kill me or kiss me.”

“From what I’ve heard, I’m both obnoxious and amazing.”

“Chalk one up for ignorance!”

“Here, drink this coffee. It’s been boiling for hours.”

“I’ve got so much love and nobody to give it to.”

“Apparently I’m not film friendly… or friendly.”

“Tell me what drugs you’re on so I know what to do when you pass out.”

“I got a lot of experience with relationships coming to a grinding halt.”

“Wait sorry, what were we talking about? Oh, wait, yeah, your pathetic love life.”

“Stop looking at me like that! I’m so vulnerable and you’re so mean.”

“Why’d you come back for me?”

“I left because I didn’t want to get hurt again and I came back because... I’ll never learn.”

“I’m not gonna ask where you pulled that from.”

“___, I tried to get help but nobody wanted to.”

“I would say it’s good to be back but I can’t shake the fact that life is meaningless and I’m gonna die alone.”

“I’ve got a lot to do now. Like go to my room and cry in the fetal position.”

“Don’t say “wink, wink”. Just wink.”

“You can bother me again when I grow a new heart.”

“Wallowing is underrated. People no longer expect things from you and you get to stop showering.”

“Sweetie, you’re young and beautiful and sandy.”

“Someday the right man or woman or creature will mate with you. Then you must eat them.”

“Oh my god, I want to shower again. That means I’ve regained the will to live!”

“Love the homicidal impulse but no.”

“But I only like gratification when it’s instant!”

“Oh, this ain’t good.”

“Oh god, they’re getting uglier.”

“Hey ___, who do you think I should punch first?”

“Sorry, I tend not to notice things that aren’t me.”

“I’m crestfallen and I can’t get up.”

“Don’t you know you can’t trust anyone but yourself?”

“I’m not kneeling, I’m dying.”

“Yeah, you’re gonna die soon.”

“You know, you have an impressive number of enemies for a girl your age.”

“Don’t be a drama queen. That is my job.”

“Well those are mixed messages.”

“My needs outweigh your scorn.”

“It’ll either cure him or kill him.”

“You do not wanna go in there unless you’re a fan of, like, dying.”

“Any operating instructions or ominous warnings?”

“You’re afraid to let people in and you hide behind sarcasm.”

“___, work on your issues.”

“So, this isn’t gonna get more normal anytime soon, is it?”

“You don’t have to die at home but you can’t die here.”

“I’ve had a lot of people leave me in my life but I’ve never ever ever not had you before.”

“I always thought you’d be dead in a ditch by now.”

“Why is it, ___, that every time you’re braiding my hair you tell me I’m going to die?”

“Braids hurt my brain.”

“Oh, you’re so going to die.”

“The key to getting dumped is not knowing how to take a hint.”

“Stop tempting fate.”

“I have resting sinister face.”

“I don’t know who to disobey.”

“Haven’t you ever seen an enchanted broom before?”

“Wow. Brutal honesty, that’s true friendship.”

“She blindsided me. While I was looking right at her!”

“I don’t know why you always bring the good half out in me, ___.”

[enthusiasticsobrietyabuse]

Re-post from r/MeehanSurvivors Reddit Community. An Enthusiastic Sobriety Counselor Survivor Story.

TW: References to child pornography, conversion therapy, homophobia, masturbation, and sex.

I would love nothing more than to preserve my admiration for the program, if only for the reason that it would be easier to do so, but after years of being deceived, I find it utterly absurd to disregard any contempt on the basis of the misplaced gratitude that it saved my life. While the program undoubtedly contributed to my success in a number of ways, it has nevertheless become clear that I’ve walked away with trauma that, even after all of this time, I fail to wholly understand. What I do know, however, is that my disillusionment with enthusiastic sobriety is heavily rooted in how I was treated, as the people who claimed to love me evidently made it their mission to eradicate who I was and, likewise, transform me into a duller, lesser version of themselves. I will never know who I could’ve been had they honored the parts of myself that needed nurturing, only who I am today and the damage I’ve since been left with.

From the moment I joined the program, I knew exactly what its expectations were. It was made abundantly clear throughout the treatment process, where I was bombarded with endless conversations about what it meant to be a winner - a concept given context far beyond a sober individual working the twelve steps. I was not only told how to behave, but what to believe about every area of my life. It did not matter if those areas were deeply personal, as evidenced by the countless discussions related to sex; in fact, I would not only learn who we could and could not fantasize about while masturbating, but what we could and could not do sexually - as if we could not be trusted to determine for ourselves the actions we take in our own bedrooms. I also found myself on the receiving end of many conversations revolving around whether or not it was acceptable to shave one’s own pubic region, as was a commonly held belief that a shaved pubic region was not only unnecessary, but a product of one’s own vanity that, incidentally, mimics child pornography. Perhaps more disturbing, however, was the ideology surrounding pornography, in general, that we were ordinarily subjected to. We were first told that no self-respecting woman would want to be with a man who’s actively watching porn; then, we were told that it alters a man’s behavior so much that women will be able to recognize whether or not they watch it. The possibility of romance was used as a weapon against us by the counselors, as well as group members, to conform to their principles, rather than allowing us to establish our own and when that didn’t work, personal attacks were their next best option. I remember being asked if I really wanted to be the guy who’s strung out on porn the rest of his life, as if it was some kind of crippling addiction that would keep me from getting anything I ever wanted out of life. Even more importantly, however, it was through these frequent exchanges that I became familiarized with “Pavlov’s Dog Theory,” a scientific study so bastardized by the counselors that it existed solely to explain away the possibility of any non-heterosexual orientation. Being insecure with my own sexuality, it was of course music to my ears to discover that my attraction to the same sex, a perversion as I then recognized it, was the result of watching too much porn and could be easily resolved by the work outlined by the program. For the next few years, I would work endlessly to alter my sexual orientation back to “normal” and apparently did so well enough that I was eventually asked to attend the Meehan Institute of Counselor Training.

When I was in counselor training, most of what we discussed had very little to do with counseling; in fact, the information required to pass the state-mandated test was tossed aside in exchange for the radically inappropriate teachings that came directly from the program itself. Examples of this, of course, include the explanation that non-heterosexual orientations were not only “unnatural” but an expression of one’s perverse desire for instant gratification, usually resulting from either their addiction to porn, as I had already learned in outpatient, or their unresolved childhood trauma. It was also reasoned that an attraction to the same sex was often a natural consequence of being in an abusive relationship with a member of the opposite sex, a belief supported only by the theory that the person, in question, had unlikely resolved their own fear of getting hurt again. Some people were just “pussies” that had decided to seek the “easier, softer way,” an almost comical assumption given that there is nothing “easier” or “softer” about being queer. I would actually be referred to as a “pussy” while sharing to one of the program's many directors that I had sexual thoughts about other men. His solution for me was that since “there is nothing romantic about two men butt fucking each other,” I should spend the time wasted fantasizing about that on where I would like to take a girl on a date. It’s these ways of thinking that we, who’s families spend $5,600 to send us to counselor training, learn for the three months that we’re there. It’s these three months, where we are taught that absurdity is a natural substitute for science, that earn us the right to then counsel others, many of whom are children. I never could've imagined the abuse that would follow, despite the seeds that had been sown throughout the better part of my recovery.

A few weeks after I graduated from counselor training, when I was working the Step One shift, a couple of the program's directors took me away from it to smoke cigars with them. It was there that they talked to me about how I needed to work on developing more masculine qualities, perhaps by engaging in a hobby that was, according to them, “outside of my comfort zone.” Later on, one of my coworkers would lecture me for the way I had reached out to a girl in the group, explaining that she, along with others, might think that I’m gay for agreeing to watch a “chick flick” with her. Another coworker would make fun of me for crying to a song that reminded me of my dead parent, for the reason that it was, according to her, a “gay” thing to do. In one of the monthly purpose meetings, the director made jokes about me being “inside” of another male counselor - something that was received only with laughter. Bob Meehan himself would even tell the training class following my own that while I deserved the upmost respect for taking everyone’s shit, I was probably gay. When I would share how I felt, in reference to these incidents, I was told that my options were either to “change it” or to “own it.” I began to internalize all of this and, due to my own desire to be accepted, I began working even harder to change these qualities that had been deemed unacceptable by those around me. I would later be celebrated in a purpose for denouncing a dramatic television show for the reason that when I watched it, it made me feel like a “faggot;” however, even that wouldn’t satisfy those around me, as my sponsor, who was also my coworker, would suggest that I stop watching Friends, as well, due to the fact that it was the kind of show his wife watched. I would experience similar criticism from yet another coworker who suggested that I only liked “girly shit” for “shock value” and that it was nothing more than my ego attempting to differentiate myself from everyone else. If by now you’re wondering why I even participated in these conversations, all I can say is that it was always in pursuit of becoming a better man and I trusted that the staff had those answers. I couldn't have been more wrong, as I can't help but notice today that what I was subjected to is in direct opposition of the very laws that protect employees from this kind of treatment by their employers; however, in the program, what’s illegal is classified as “spiritual.”

For years, I felt relegated to a subclass of human existence and for what reason? I spent years working on the things that made my life unmanageable primarily because the people around me decided that it was. Furthermore, I was promised that if I stopped watching porn, which I did for years, my brain would rewire itself and I would no longer be attracted to men. As stupid as that sounds now, why wouldn’t I, as an 18 year old, believe what I was hearing from who I only presumed to be trained professionals? I trusted them and really worked hard to take their every suggestion, going as far as becoming a member of Sexaholics Anonymous, despite the fact that I had never even had sex at that point. It was nothing if not incredibly painful to do the same thing over and over again, only to be told to get up and try again by the very people who would describe that as insanity in any other case. I was never once told that what I was doing wasn’t working for me; instead, I was told to try harder. In all of the time I spent in the program, I was never even given the option to try something different until after quitting, when someone told me that my sexual orientation, whatever it may be, was perfectly acceptable and far from a determining factor in my ability to effectively work a program. It took years to hear that, the majority of which were spent somewhere that I definitely should have. That is not only unacceptable but they should be absolutely ashamed of themselves.

Alas, the problem I have with the program is not necessarily that they’ll never apologize to me, but that they lack the self-awareness to even consider it. When I shared my concerns about the program with one of their counselors, he dismissed them with the statement that it’s a perfect program ran by imperfect people and that I should judge them not by their actions, but by their intentions, which coincidentally, contradicts the program’s reliance on a quote from the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous that states exactly the opposite. He also told me that I was angry and resentful, despite the fact that I was neither. When I shared my concerns with another counselor, he dismissed them with the suggestion that perhaps the counseling I received, in regards to my sexual orientation, resulted from how I presented it to the staff. His feedback was not only highly insulting, but a complete bastardization of the facts. Not only was I brutally honest about that area of my life, so much that it's all I spoke of, but I was the client and it was far from my role to ensure that the counselors did their job. I was little more than a child at the time; nevertheless, the implication that my negative experiences were all my fault only served as evidence that any attempt to cooperate with the program, and convince them of the ways in which I was harmed, is futile. Why would I want to, anyway, after years of watching any criticism of the program be rationalized as the delusions of “bailed kids” or “disgruntled ex-staff?” The only answer would be to prevent it from happening again, although to think that outcome is even a possibility appears naïve at best. They’ve made it abundantly clear where they stand, that they’re right, everyone else is wrong, and there’s no reason for them to change anything - lest of course it threatens their credibility, which in that case they only become more insidious in their transgressions.

TLDR: The program not only intrusively dictates the sex lives of their clients, but has proven itself to be particularly unloving toward those who are LGBTQIA+. It is a cultural issue that can not be reduced to a few examples of bad counseling. It is clear that they see no reason whatsoever to change this.

[hawkinsschoolcounselor]

Hi, this ask is a bit longer, sorry. this is PART 1. I'm here cos I'd like to know your thoughts on the way the responsible st people are treating their fans. Frankly, there's a number of folks I know who once were really into the show but are now losing or have lost interest due to the lack of info we're given. also found plenty of people on the internet that feel the same way. It's a shame but I think most of them are disappointed, angry, annoyed or simply stopped caring.

“Part 2: Maybe via screenshot? I, too, find myself struggling to keep my interest alive. I'm really not trying to be unreasonable here. I know we're in the middle of a pandemic and I doubt anyone'd expect s4 to be released within the next 2 months. but I find one has to become a little creative these days, but no, frankly this lack of content is insulting. No teaser trailer, no serious updates, only unofficial ones. Barely any twitter activity and if there's a new tweet it's only unrelated stuff.

Part 3: I don't think this presumptuous 'it's st. Everyone loves it no matter what' attitude is a wise move. How do you feel about it? I'm assuming your analysis, which are great btw, help you staying interested, don't they? But they seem to forget not everyone does that. At the end of the day people are people and people might lose interest and move on. It's a shame though. Oh gosh, I'm so sorry. Thanks for your patience.”

Thank you for writing in. There’s never a need to be sorry about an Ask made in good faith. I thought this one might be good to answer immediately even though I’m very behind in my responses.

I understand your frustration. It’s been over a year since season 3, and we probably would have gotten season 4 by now if not for Covid. When one considers that we probably aren’t getting season 4 until, conservative guess, this Spring, it’s difficult to not get frustrated. I do think, though, that we need to be careful about where we aim that frustration.

Perhaps it’s because I’m older, but I harbor no anger at the Duffers or anyone else responsible for creating Stranger Things. I grew up in the time before social media or streaming services. Aside from VCRs, we had no means of on-demand television, and our entertainment news was mostly limited to TV Guide. Behind-the-scenes peeks and TV trailers were sparse, generally limited to the weeks leading into the new Fall TV season. This just isn’t fazing me like it may the younger generation. I understand, though. Many of you are simply accustomed to what you grew up with, just as I am.

I do feel a need to defend the showrunners. We get quite a bit of information, official and not. We’ve gotten teasers, cast announcements, and the postings of a Twitter account run by one of the Duffer’s assistants. Yes, a lot of that content has slowed, likely due to not having planned for an extended delay, but I hesitate to cast any blame on them for it. I simply remind myself that they do not really owe us anything. I repeat, they do not owe us anything.

We receive the fruits of their labor in the form of a very entertaining TV show. It is something they’ve chosen to do, and they are doing their best to do it. I fear we may be at risk of being spoiled by our current (at least prior to the shutdown) level of access to entertainment. Instant, on-demand gratification has become the norm as a result of social media and streaming services. It’s really hard to blame you, and anyone else, for getting upset now that this trend has been suddenly disrupted, but we need to engage in some self-reflection here. What right do we really have to demand anything from these people?

Production is still on despite several other shows being outright cancelled. All reasonable steps are being taken to ensure a safe filming environment so that we can get the show as soon as possible. We do get updates from the social media accounts, even if those updates have become fewer and farther between. There’s an element of diminishing returns when it comes to this sort of thing. There’s only so much they can give us without spoiling the product itself. They simply be scraping the bottom of the barrel at this point.

We do have some unofficial “leaks,” yes. Honestly, I’m not sure how unofficial those really are, though. The set photos that have come out have been minimal to the point that I feel they may have been designed to be as such. If it were really all the work of rogue production crewmembers or fans sneaking in, I would have expected a lot more. I’m not saying that it all has been authorized content masquerading as leaks, but I am saying it could be. They know the fans who are still following things are the ones who would look at unofficial sources. It’s not too much of a stretch to consider that they’ve done this on purpose to get the online fanbase speculating in order to keep interest going. I know it’s certainly given me something to do after I analyzed almost everything I could think of from the existing episodes. Not everyone does that, as you say, but the more casual fans probably aren’t even paying attention to the time between seasons. Others, like me or you, are either creating, or consuming, fan content in the meantime.

I ask patience and understanding of you all. These are the people who have clearly created something you love. They are suffering from this pandemic, as well, but they are still trying their best to give us what we want. We may all need to lower our expectations a bit. I fear they’ve grown to be too high in recent years, resulting in an unfair demand on content creators. Since this is the season of good will towards man, I’ll simply leave you with this reminder: patience, tolerance, and respect are things we often demand from others, but fail to demand of ourselves. Everyone involved in the show is working hard to get things done, and we need to show patience, tolerance, and respect while we wait.

[amphtaminedreams]

The Summer of Disappointment: Lookbook no.11

Hi to anyone reading,

Welcome to an exploration of one of my favourite combinations of activities: putting outfits together and moaning. Straight off the bat-this summer has been a shitty one. The pandemic has made 2020 a shitty year all round. My feelings are best summed up in this tweet by @25lambs (I love her account but this girl changes her @ every other week so it will probably have changed again by the time I post this):

The uncertainty of when life will return to some semblance of “normality” is the hardest part. I also feel like I lost a big chunk of my life to, well, being miserable basically, especially during my teen years and my plans to make up for that in my 20s has been potentially snatched away. That being said, in the grand scheme of things, I am very lucky. I still have a job and I haven’t lost anyone close to me, which are both hugely traumatic things that many people have had to go through as a result of the pandemic. I think being sad about how the pandemic has affected your life and also recognising that there are people who are facing a far greater amount of hardship than you are not mutually exclusive which is something people online tend to forget on a daily basis. I also thought we had longer, if that makes sense, like summer came and went in such a short space of time it almost feels like it hasn’t happened yet, and being the extremely anal individual I am, of course I had a load of outfits planned that I never got round to wearing-instead of sulking about what didn’t happen, I instead decided I’d make a bit of a lookbook out of those outfits as well as a kind of diary of what I did get round to wearing.

So that’s enough rambling from me! I’ll get on with it!

Looks 1-3

Depop has been my absolute favourite thing for the last few months. I gave up fast fashion around May and apart from a slip up or two, I’ve pretty much stuck to that since. That being said, I am clearly very into fashion and styling and so it’s been a hard transition to make (yes, first world problems IK, don’t bait me), especially with me being a compulsive shopper. Wanna know how to lose weight? The jig is up guys, switch from emotional eating to emotional shopping. I’m joking, nobody needs to lose any weight, but I am 100% someone who attempts to cure feeling like shit with some good old instant gratification, and Depop has filled my fast fashion void. My favourite purchases from the last few months include this tan faux suede jacket on the left I bought from Tash_Hall’s shop, and aside from that everything here is old. It makes me feel like I’m a background extra in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood and I’m into that. The movie was shit but the visuals were top tier.

-21/07/20-

(top handmade by sophieeee_1123 on Depop)

-30/09/20- 

(dress from maisiemainwaring on Depop, jacket from marinamcaleesex)

-18/09/20-

(top handmade by maddypageknitwear on Depop)

-25/07/20-

(cargo trousers from amber_thomson1 on Depop)

Looks 4-6

So I doubt anyone actually reads my fashion week reviews-I know everyone’s here for the pictures-but if you did, you’d know how much I wanted last season’s Erdem hats to happen off the runway. You know, the big boater ones that tie under the chin? Well, I got one off Ebay, as you can see on the left, I can confirm that in anything other than still life they look absolutely fucking ridiculous; I never ended up wearing mine outside the house because if I wore it for more than two seconds it would end up teetering to one side and slipping off my head, hence me trying to pass off holding it up as a fashion moment, lol. Maybe they are completely impractical, maybe I just have a big head (which is true), who knows. The beaded butterfly top however (from Depop but I can’t find the seller’s account anymore!), also on the left, was way more flattering on than I expected it to be and I am gutted I didn’t get to wear it out. If they’re right about a vaccine not being ready until July 2021 then it looks like next summer’s festival season will be cancelled too, but festival season 2022, this top is coming for ya. Optimism, you know. Other than that, the shorts are reworked Levis from Studsnstuff vintage on Ebay, which I have ALWAYS wanted and now irritatingly pair with absolutely everything and call it a look, and the two piece is stolen from my sister’s wardrobe, lol. Lastly, we have the sunhat, which reminds me of something my parents would’ve put me in when I was little and is totally adorable, from Happydais’ Depop store.

-28/07/20-

-12/07/20-

(top from tash2 on Depop, skirt from anishacassanova)

-27/08/20-

(skirt from mollie_morton on Depop)

-19/08/20-

(jeans from izziesanders on Depop)

-16/09/20-

Looks 6-10

Up there with my favourite Depop purchases of the summer is the striped corduroy trousers in the bottom right from Annasctx’s shop. I was desperate for some vintage trousers in this style but most resellers were, typically, charging extortionate prices for them, so it was a blessing to come across these for under £30. It sounds like a lot but they are a popular item on there at the moment so it’s a good price considering! Also from Depop is the red bodysuit from Alzaska’s store, the monogrammed headband from Jadexlaurenx’s store, and the PU flame print beret from House_of_erotique who do the most AMAZING custom pieces. I am waiting on a couple of things from them at the moment for an American Horror Story inspired lookbook I’m doing for halloween and I am buzzing to try them on! The bag I’m using here is my new go to-it’s a second hand Calvin Klein I found for THIRTY FUCKING POUND in a local charity shop! The woman at the tills told me that lots of people had gone to buy it and then put it back because it was too expensive which is insane! I know you go into a charity shop for cheap things but this bag was such a steal I have no idea how nobody just bit the bullet and bought it. Anyways, I’m not complaining because now it’s mine and I'm in love and I’m gonna try not to spill a monster energy drink on this one<3 

-26/08/20-

-18/08/20-

(suit from emmafisher3 on Depop)

-10/09/20-

-15/08/20-

So, that’s it for now! If you got to this point, thank you for reading! I’m sorry it’s not longer but I’m finding it really hard to motivate myself to write at the moment with everything going on-I’m only finishing this now because it’s 3:30AM and my friend’s cat that I’m looking after is keeping me awake and I’m too much of a softy to shut it out the bedroom. London has just gone into tier 2 lockdown which means I can’t visit my sister or my friends up there, and they’re not allowed to travel down here either. I get it needs to be this way and that we have to make sacrifices, but that’s not to say it isn’t tough on a lot of people’s mental wellbeing. I was really beginning to get my shit together this year, lol! Oh well! Sorry 2021, messy bitch me is getting a sequel. I know, I hate her too.

With regards to what’s coming up on my page, I’m working on the American Horror Story lookbook I mentioned this week and then a (probably non-existent this year) party season lookbook following that. I do intend to do more mood boards and a summary of the S/S 2021 shows soon. I don’t know if I’ve got it in me to do a whole ass review at the moment so I might spice it up and do a tier ranking or rating out of 10 or something fun like that, but there will definitely be something within the next couple of months! I also thought it’d be cool to do a post on the style of some incredible black influencers who are sorely underappreciated on Instagram for Black History Month, but even if I don’t get it out in October, expect that at some point.

Thank you to anyone who read this and thank you in general for bearing with me! I really hope things look up from here but regardless, if we all work together and be considerate of others, we can get through this. I hope everyone is doing okay and as always, if you are struggling, my inbox is always open. Post suggestions are welcome too, as well as feedback as long as it’s not *too* mean. A bitch is sensitive atm. 

Stay safe!

Lauren x

[bow-woahh]

She-Ra Fics Masterlist

(It’s 100% Catradora but hey)

Started: 12/10/19 Last updated: 28/10/20

Multi-chapters:

Catradora —

What drove her insane... (Canon Divergent)(Completed) (4/4)(13k+)(Ao3 only)

There were a lot of things Adora would do that would get to Catra. A lot of things that would make Catra melt inside or combust. Or both. Things that would make her feel this intense feeling in her stomach, these flips, these... butterflies, is what she thought of them as.

Similarly, Adora didn't think she had many weaknesses, but most things Catra would do drove her up the wall. In a good way. In the best way. In a way that made her heart feel like it was about to hop out of her ribcage, that made her feel she was about to faint, from an unfamiliar, yet familiar, dazed dizziness.

Both of them drove each other insane.

Heal me after hurting (Modern AU)(Completed) (3/3)(29k+)(Ao3 only)

A million feelings she’s been fighting off for months threaten to overwhelm her: feelings of deep and utter care; of complete adoration; feelings of hot and harsh hatred; of absolute disdain; and abandonment, definitely abandonment; to confusion, anxiety, all bubbling as she tries to calm herself down; eyes closed, chanting the mantra:

you are in control, you are stronger now.   ___

Catra gets sick and someone unexpected turns up to help.

bloom (just for you) (High School AU)(Ongoing) (8/?)(68k+)(Ao3 only)

She was probably about to tell her to fuck off, though maybe—hopefully—she'd say it nicely. Catra closed her eyes and hoped when she opened them that this whole situation was just a figment of her imagination. Instead, she saw a one word reply. One single word. 

bet.

*

Adora Grayskull is the popular jock, the golden girl, the one that everyone loves. Catra D’riluth is the opposite. Yet despite this, they form an unlikely bond.

One shots:

Catradora —

What (Who) drives her to this? (Canon Divergent)(2k+)(Ao3 only)

Both Catra and Adora are tired. Both Catra and Adora reach a breaking point. Both Catra and Adora need to stop thinking. And when they do what will it drive them to do?

Catra’s Last Day (Canon Divergent)(2k+)(Ao3 only)

Catra has been anticipating this for months now, and now it's finally come - her last day at the Horde.

As the Sun Sets (Canon Compliant - Post S1)(1k+)(Ao3 only)

Watching the sunset was one way to end your day back at the Horde...

damn you, unrequited love (High school AU)(7k+)(Ao3 only)

Unrequited love sucks. That's what both Adora and Catra think.

Don’t sneak into the kitchen (Unless your girlfriend tells you to) (Canon Divergent)(2k+)(Ao3 only)

Catra has a bad habit of getting into mischief and Adora has a bad habit of agreeing to get into mischief with her.

Or

They sneak into a kitchen and make a mess.

As the Petal Falls (Beauty and the Beast AU)(1.5k+)(Ao3 only)

Shadow Weaver comes to kill the beast and take back Adora, who to her knowledge is a hostage there, when she has actually chosen to stay there - with Catra.

If I was perfect (Modern Family AU)(2.5k+)(Ao3 only)

Call it a coincidence, but just as Adora said the word “baby” (for the second time actually), Catra had choked on her own saliva.

How had children not crossed her mind before?

Two Sides Of The Same Coin (Gang AU)(1k+)(Ao3 only)

"Come on, Catra! You know better than to trust the horde!"

"And you know better than to trust the Rebellion!"

"The Horde is manipulating you!"

"At least they don't hide it and do it behind your back!"  

OR AU where the Rebellion is manipulating Adora and she doesn't realise (but Catra does)

I could get used to the sound of her voice (Royalty AU)(3.5k+)(Ao3 only)

Princess Adora was lucky enough for her parents not to marry her to a man. But, Princess Adora didn’t feel lucky in the slightest when she learned her wife to be was a right pain in the backside – or so she thought.

Or

Who knew that all it would take for Princess Adora to fall was her voice?

Fiction will make you think (what if it was real?) (YouTuber AU)(8k+)(Ao3 only)

All of a sudden, a new thought hits her like a train. Why does it matter so much? Image? Catra doesn’t exactly have a good one anyway, and if anything, it would be worse for Adora. But she is already in most of her videos, so clearly Adora doesn’t care either. So what would actually change?

Wait, Catra’s train of thought stops. Why am I thinking about dating Adora anyway?

OR

A YouTuber AU

Perspective (Prison AU)(25.5k+)(Ao3 only)

"Like you caved in Adora, you took the dive, and was it worth it?"

Adora looked at Catra, biting the inside of her cheek.

"I guess not."

Although, Adora couldn't deny that she felt almost lucky to have met someone like Catra, even if it was in here.

OR

Twelve months. Adora had earned herself twelve months in Prison — it was virtually hell on earth. Or it least it should have been, if not for a certain someone.

Sink my teeth to save you (Vampire AU)(1.5k+) — Ao3 link —

“How did...what are you?”

The stranger stroked her chin, pondering something, then said, “Well, I’m the tall dark stranger your parents warned you about," flashing her abnormally sharp fang like teeth, almost in a grin, though it felt more like she was just showing off.

I'll be your crutch to cope (College/Modern AU)(1.5k+) —Ao3 link —

A late night (or early morning) text from Catra’s roommate leads to more than she bargains for.

Do you know any spells to get rid of this thing? (Modern with Magic AU)(2.5k+)—Ao3 link—

“You know, like, spells and stuff, right?” Adora asks, hold a little looser on her wrist.

“Uh...yeah?” Catra replies, baffled.

Or

Catra’s a mage in training and Adora comes to her with a ridiculous request.

Christmas wouldn't be so bad (with you) (Modern Christmas AU)(1.9k+)—Ao3 link—

Catra wants to reject her responsibilities and problems for one night. Though, she can't avoid the one right in front of her for much longer.

As our differences divide us (Canon Divergent )(3.2k+)—Ao3 link—

Adora believes in the Horde. Catra doesn’t.

Or

An AU where Adora (with the sword) stays with the Horde and Catra leaves for the Rebellion.

Lost my heart (now you've taken it back) (Valentine's AU)(1k+)—Ao3 link—

Catra decides to make her first Valentine's with Adora a memorable experience.

Demons hiding underneath (Modern Gang AU)(3.3k+)—Ao3 link —

She kept plummeting deeper and deeper into the once beautiful blue abyss. And the further down she got, the more Adora realised it was closer to darkness than blue. It seemed she would continue falling, falling into the darkness until—

“Adora?”

—

They may be running away, escaping from their problems, but that doesn’t mean Adora can avoid her own too.

Distressing (over you) (Modern Superhero AU)(3.1k+)(Ao3 only)

Wearing her signature smug smirk, she stood, hands on her hips with a knowing look. Despite how many times she'd seen her in the familiar getup before, it somehow always managed to get her stomach lurching: those thigh highs which somehow weren't impractical; the crimson red suit which clung to her body in all the right places (arguably there were no wrong ones); the black sleeves which came up to cover her hands; and the red mask with pointed ears obscuring her face. However, the blue-gold glow of her eyes was still inexplicably Catra. It still captured her essence. At least to Adora.

things you said with clenched fists (Modern AU)(1.5k+)—Ao3 link—

Alone, at loss for words, but still – I've won and I've lost but I've fell and I've fucked it up

Or

An argument which stems from lies, deception and the past.

things you said when you were drunk (Modern AU)(1.6k+)(Ao3 only)

As Catra took her hand, with her mismatched eyes gleaming, and flashing her pearly white teeth in a grin, the smells, the noises of all the people around them dissolved into nothing more than white noise. 

The aftershock (of your touch) (Modern Soulmates AU)(28k+)(Ao3 only)

“When one finds their soulmate, they don’t immediately know that is the case. Some believe it is a way for the universe, for the great First Ones to test our ability to listen to its calling, to let us steer the wheel to our own fates. Others believe it is an act of cruelty—to try our patience, to punish us for being unable to love without any inhibitions. No matter what one believes, it doesn’t rid us of the fact that finding one's other half does not allow for instant gratification.”

—

Catra, jaded by her past, moves to Bright Moon to start a new life, and finds herself growing increasingly closer to her neighbour, Adora. Initially, she's apprehensive, but no matter what she does, something draws her to the girl, and a revelation causes it to make a lot of sense—and none at all.

all the time in the world (Post-Canon)(1k+)—Ao3 link—

In space, it feels like they have all the time in the world. All the time to relearn the new parts of each other, all the time to indulge the old parts of each other, all the time to simply just be.

You have their attention (and I want yours) (Modern AU - Actors)(1.9k+)—Ao3 link—

It’s all made worse when Catra does look in her direction, searching for none other than Adora’s eyes. She sees her sitting there, seething, and all she does is raise an eyebrow, then after a moment, grin. She can tell. And that only makes Adora more agitated as Catra turns back to the crowd and that girl is practically hanging off her arm. Now, Adora really is contemplating going up there, kissing the smirk of Catra’s face where everyone can see.

a regular customer of mine (Modern AU - Bakery)(3.9k)(Ao3 only)

Catra works at a bakery and Adora comes by every day trying to build up the courage to ask her out (unbeknownst to her).

Headcanons + Shorter Works: 

Catradora —

Fate Only Plays a Part (Canon divergent)(Ao3 only)

Adora finds a wounded and almost lifeless Catra in the woods and decides to bring her back to the castle.

I want to be with you when I grow up (Canon Divergent)(Ao3 only)

They are supposed to be fighting- they should be killing each other.

But they never can. And they never will.

Bad Dreams (Canon Divergent)

She tastes like coffee (Modern AU)

I like me better when I'm with you (Modern AU)

Adora's birthday (Canon Divergent)

The Start of Something Wonderful (Canon Divergent) 

Catradora Summer AU (Modern AU)(Snippet)

things you said when we forgave each other (Post-Canon)(Written before S5)

Reunion (S5 speculation)

[barefootnoel]

Good Bye Facebook, Good Bye Instagram

May 18th, 2021 is the day I quit Facebook and Instagram. As I sat in front of my laptop with tears rolling down my face from the hurt and pain I was feeling over a recent break up, I knew it was what I had to do in order to not only move forward but get the toxicity out of my life, I am sure many of you can relate to this. As I sat in front of my laptop hurt and angry from my break up for many reasons. He cheated on me, lied to me and started up a new relationship right after we broke up, actually he was cheating on me with this woman, she was in the picture before we went our ways.

When you feel betrayed so many emotions run through you and I am a Capricorn so when we get betrayed we are out for blood. This man I can tell you I loved with everything I had. I took in his children like they were my own, nurtured them, provided for them, cared for them and loved them. He was a difficult man - didn't work full time, complained he was tired all the time. Come to find out he had Diabetes which I held his hand stood by his side and got him through that he now lives a much better life health wise. He also was a very poor communicator he hated talking about anything unless it had to do with gossip about people or celebrities, he was emotionally disconnected and when I look back I should have walked away long before I did.

When I found out he was cheating on me my soul came out of my body, my heart broke in a million pieces. Don't get me wrong I have been down this road with a previous relationship but this time it cut me like a knife - Reason, he knew what I had went through with cheating in my previous relationship, he swore he was different and would never hurt me, he was ready to settle down and make a life together. We broke up at the end of January and by the beginning of February he had his new girlfriend pregnant....the whole time begging to stay at our home and not make him leave.

I tried to build him up, push him to do better and work full time.....he resisted at every turn and considered it confrontation any time I would want to talk about us.

WEAK MEN CANT HANDLE STRONG WOMEN!!!

This brings me to now and why I made the decision to go off the grid and delete my Facebook and Instagram accounts for good. You see a scorned woman does crazy things.....well I shouldn't speak for all women but I do. After he left he was still messaging me everyday morning and night telling me he missed me, still loved me etc.....I became too much for me to bare and deep down inside I knew he was telling the other woman he same things everyday. Your gut never lies and I was right. Monday May 17th I texted him after he had texted me good morning and asked him if we were still going to meet that week. He said yes and he would let me know what day.....I left it at that. But as I sat in my office at my desk tears started to roll down my eyes because I was thinking of his and her social media and them plastering pictures of each other all over their pages and I knew I was now a secret. I went from the woman he was going marry one day to his dirty little secret and I could not handle it anymore.

I could not take it anymore, my heart could not take it anymore. I was holding onto an empty promise and a broken dream. I texted him and told him it is probably best I disappear out of his life. He put up a fuss and then we started arguing and I said to him. "How would your new girlfriend feel if she knew we were still talking and she knew the things we have done and still are doing?" He went quiet of course. No response is a response. So i decided I should message this woman so she knows exactly the kind of man she has committed herself to and pregnant with his child.....Well I am sure you know where this is going it backfired on me.

I messaged her with screenshots of our conversations etc...she at first believed me but then within 12 hours I am getting nasty messages from her. She said one thing that made me make this decision she said "he never put you on his social media" and that there was the rest of the knife going through my chest, I couldn't breath, I couldn't talk at that moment everything came rushing back to me. She was absolutely right he didn't but he was showing her off like a Grammy award. I always wondered why he would never put pictures of me on his social media and I would ask him and he said he was protecting me - when I look back he was ashamed of me. That hurt. Why would he keep a relationship with me if he was ashamed of me???? I have my own ideas but I know I will never get the answer.

I had been planning on deleting my social media for a very long time but this is what solidified me doing it. I came to realize that it is toxic and I had to get off of it ASAP. I was being sucked into a deep dark hole of instant gratification from likes and comments - if people like me on social media then I must be liked, pretty etc......I was losing my self worth and this recent break up did not help.

I couldn't handle the noise any longer and it was filling my brain with misconceptions of reality. I lost everything all my pictures all my memories but I gained something. I gained control of MY LIFE again.

So there I sat with tears rolling down my eyes deleting my Facebook and Instagram. I am now off the grid....you could say but Tumblr is social media. Yes it is however I have for a long time been wanting to start a blog still considering Vlogging too and this is where the healing process begins.

I will say eliminating Facebook and Instagram out of my life is like a crack addict trying to quit crack....I have to stay strong and keep this journey going because I know it is going to be the best gift I ever gave myself.

Please join me on the journey of cleansing and social media rehab....Its going to be a fun ride :)

[celticcrossanon]

Will Prince Harry Attend Remembrance Day? Draft, WIP

This is speculation only.

Practise spread - we will see how much I get written up.

Celtic Cross Spread

Spread drawn at  approximately 4.15am on the 15th of September GMT

Cards used: The Mythic Tarot (the cards are based on a version of Greco-Roman mythology; the descriptions are more the mixed, popular culture version of mythology than the original myths, so keep that in mind as you read the interpretations below)

All interpretations taken from the book that came with the cards

*

The Celtic Cross had 3 Major Arcanas out of 10 cards, so while this is significant for the BRF and will be played out on the world stage, it is not hugely significant for them (only 1/3 or so of the cards were major arcana). Of the remaining 7 cards, there were 3 Cups, 2 Swords, and 2 Wands. No Pentacles. So this is not about money, it is about family and emotions and being nurturing (Cups), long-term, strategic planning (Swords), and the image that is communicated to those outside the BRF (Wands). Repeated numbers were two Sixes, two Twos, and two Nines. I usually only consider repeated numbers if they repeat three or more times.

*

Bottom of the Deck - Overall Theme - Strength (Card 10)

This card shows Heracles wrestling with the Nemean Lion in a cave.

The lion can represent royalty, even at its most destructive, i.e. Harry. The lion is also the infantile, savage, and completely egocentric beginnings of individuality, i.e. Harry's attempts to 'find himself' as a person and all the damage these attempts have caused to others. The lion here is the Nemean Lion, which possessed a hide that no weapon could pierce, giving it a shield of invincibility, i.e. Harry's position in the Royal family. Here the Nemean Lion stands for a "Me First" drive that will happily destroy anyone and anything in its path, as long as its gratification is assured. One of the manifestations of this "Me First" drive is an furious, explosive, rage-driven tantrum when the person does not get their own way. Another is bombast and an inflated sense of self importance, making the person savage and unrelenting both towards the people on whom they are dependent (i.e. Harry and the BRF) and the people [who they see as] stealing their limelight (also harry and the BRF).

Heracles wresting with the lion shows the struggle we all face to subdue the lion's unbridled individualism and make it serve a higher purpose; the need to subdue our desires and care for others so that together we can form a caring and responsible community instead of being a collection of individuals running rampant and destroying each other in our need for instant gratification. It is considering the long-term consequences of our actions and putting other's needs before our desires. Courage, strength and self discipline are necessary to see the struggle through to a successful conclusion.

In this specific instance, the card shows the BRF (and their long tradition of service to their country) wresting with Harry's unbridled egomania. Do they include him as part of the family (and the BRF is all about family), or do they cut him off and show quite clearly that however loved as a brother, he is no longer a member of the Royal Family. Will they sucumb to his temper tantrums and unjust accusations, or will they hold firm for the good of "the Firm"? What damage will he do if he is allowed to attend? If they place limits on him, will he follow them (hint: No)? These are the questions the BRF is struggling with at the moment, and while the course of action may seem clear to an outsider, for them it is not yet decided.

*

Significator: The Moon (card 18)

This is where the situation is at this moment in time. 

The card shows the goddess Hecate, associated with the Moon, magic and the underworld. Hecate is an ancient goddess, as the BRF is an old regime. She is shown of the card with a cute-looking (not terrifying) Cerberus, who guards the entry to the Underworld, a domain associated with her and full of mystery, wisdom and hidden riches. To me this signifies that Prince Harry thinks that going back to the BRF (here represented by Hecate and the underworld) will be easy, as there is no monster guarding the way, only a cute dog (who will be expected to roll over and obey his commands). Hecate, shown here as an older woman (and usually shown as a very old woman, like the Queen) is looking to the past, the present and the future all at once, as the BRF must do in making this decision. As an impersonal image of the feminine, one of the rulers of the Underworld, she represents the Queen in her role as the ruler of Great Britian and some countries of the Commonwealth, a figure who cannot be the warm and loving grandmother that we know she is with Harry, but who rather must be the impersonal Ruler who puts the good of her country above all else.

In the bottom right hand corner of the card, supporting Cerberus and Hecate, is a crab. The crab is the sign of Cancer, and Cancer is the sun sign of Prince William. Prince William may very well be acting as the 'right hand man' pf the Queen during this decision making process. The unseen presence of the underworld in the background suggests the hidden presence of Prince Charles, a sun sign Scorpio, as Scorpio is the sign that rules the Underworld. Prince Charles may be working behind the scenes in this decision, absent in flesh but present in spirit. 

The road to Hecate's realm is the 'royal road' of dreams, and Prince Harry may well be hoping to either using his visible status as a royal (supported by an appearance at Remembrance Day) to fulfil his non-royal dreams, or to use his appearance at remembrance Day as a road back to his previous status as a taxpayer funded working Royal sometime in the future, or both together.

Hecate was associated with the crossroads, which suggests that this decision is a crossroads for the BRF - they have to choose a path and move forward on it, removing all other options. Hecate also had the power (according the to tarot book) of bestowing or withholding from a mortal any desired gift, and that is exactly the position that the BRF are in - do they bestow the desired gift of attendance upon Harry (and his wife), or do they withhold it?

So the BRF is facing a choice, a crossroads. There is confusion (heart versus head) and anxiety over this choice, and it has not yet been made. The Major Arcana card says that this is a major decision and one that will have a lasting impact on all involved.

* Crossing Card : Queen of Cups

This is the main obstacle in making the decision.

The card represents Helen, the woman who was married to one man (the King of Sparta), fell in love and ran away with another (the Prince of Troy), and thus instigated the Trojan Wars (during the course of which she took three more lovers). As a woman who created a crisis in the ruling family of her country by following her own selfish desires, the parallel to Meghan Markle is obvious. If you look at the woman on the card, she resembles Meghan Markle as she is today with her long black extensions. As well as creating trouble wherever she goes (as Helen of Troy did), Meghan Markle has also run away with a prince of the BRF (a neat inversion of Prince Paris running away with Helen). My feeling is that the obstacle is not so much Meghan Markle herself, but rather her effect on Prince Harry, the loved grandson of the Queen and prince of the BRF.

The Queen of Cups can be seen as a woman who is a catalyst for the emergence of deep feelings and fantasies that have previously been hidden from awareness, and there is no doubt that in his association with Meghan Markle, the public have become aware of Prince Harry's rage and contempt for both the BRF and his position within it, something that was previously skillfully hidden by the 'Hero Harry" and "Harry the lad" PR. This emergence in the public eye of the 'real' Prince Harry is also part of the obstacle the BRF faces in making this decision.

Another meaning of the Queen of Cups is a loving and nurturing woman. As such, the card can be taken to represent Princess Diana. From this perspective, the obstacle is not Meghan Markle herself but rather  her unsuccessful attempts to push herself onto the public as Princess Diana 2.0, with her constant cries of "racism" and her accusations of the BRF as "unsupportive", "mean", and "treating her like they did Princess Diana". While easily disproven in themselves, these statements gain traction when they are supported by Prince Harry, either by his actions, his own statements against the BRF, or his silence.

Prince Harry is considered by most to be under the thumb of Meghan Markle. He supports her behaviour in tearing down his family and appears to be transforming into a woke male version of herself. Prince Harry is known to have mental issues, and as the nurturing, caring force represented by the Queen of Cups the BRF may hesitate to do anything that could worsen hos mental state. Unfortunately, this leaves them open to emotional blackmail by Prince Harry (the negative side of the Queen of Cups), as he will not hesitate to use the "Princess Diana Card" and remind everyone of the trauma he suffered as a child to get his own way (the fact that Prince William suffered the same trauma while also a child does not seem to occur to anyone).

The crossing card is a Minor Arcana card, so while the obstacles are being considered carefully by the BRF, they are not a huge problem, as would be the case if a Major Arcana card appeared in this position. The Minor Arcana card shows something that is a nusiance but that also is a problem that is  definitely manageable/surmountable.

* Crowning Card and Base of the Matter Card: Ace of Wands and Six of Swords

This is where I made a mistake in the spread. 

When I drew the cards, I drew the Ace of Wands as the third card and put it in the Crowing Card position, and then I drew the Six of Swords as the fourth card and put it in the Base of the Matter position.  However, before I started this spread, I formed the intention of doing the spread as it appeared in the accompanying book, and that book spread has the third card as the Base of the Matter and the fourth card as the Crowning Card.

I put the cards in the wrong positions. Bollocks.

Rather than choosing between my intention to follow the book spread or my instinct in putting down the cards, I have decided to honour both and read both cards together as both the Crowning Card and the Base of the Matter Card (next time I will double check the spread before I draw the cards).

Card 3: the Ace of Wands 

Due to certain life events, the Ace of Wands is strongly linked in my mind with the male, um, 'manhood', and that phallic imagery immediately suggests that someone here is being "led by their dick", that someone being Prince Harry (apparently Prince Charles referred to it as being 'cunt-struck'). This association is strengthened by the card showing a male wearing a crown and holding the world in one hand while the other holds a thick wand emitting flames (the phallic imagery of the wand is obvious and I won't detail it here). The crown and the world can be taken as showing Harry's previous status as a royal prince, where the world was his oyster (more or less).  

The image on the card is the god Zeus, who is famous (or infamous) for not being able to keep it in his pants, and thus reinforces the "led by his dick" meaning. 

The Ace of Wands as a card symbolises the creative power of the imagination, the impulse that makes us restless and dissatisfied until we formulate and manifest it in the world (successfully or not). It is important to note that here the idea has not been thought through and formulated; it is simply a dissatisfaction, a feeling that things could be different. I believe that it was this feeling of dissatisfaction that led to Prince Harry leaving the BRF. He could have looked for ways to improve his role/position/life within the BRF. Instead he chose to leave when his wife did and, together with her, to pursue another future outside the BRF. 

The Ace of Wands, like all aces, also indicates something new. This indicates that this situation is something new for the BRF - never before has a blood royal left Great Britian to live as a minor celebrity n Hollywood. As with all new situations, they may be uncertain as to what is the best response, especially as we now live in an age of instant social media (and not the previous time of newspaper media, which was slower and could be controlled by the BRF).

Card 4: the Six of Swords 

Here we have Orestes, the doomed hero, travelling to Argos to fulfil his terrible duty to murder his mother. He is travelling through rough water, although calmer weather lies ahead. This figure again has echoes of Prince Harry, whose mother died when he was young, and who has left the country of his birth to travel overseas and make his home in another land. This is the Prince Harry who is no longer a working royal and who has left the BRF for the life of a wanna-be celebrity in Los Angeles. Orestes's future murder of his mother could show Prince Harry's future 'murder' by overexposure of his mother's image via documentary, after dinner speeches, and Netflix musical, as well as his constant use of the "Princess Diana Card". For both Orestes and Prince Harry, this journey appears to be one-way; both have left with no intention of returning to their former place of residence.

Orestes was born in Argos, banished to Phocis, and returned to Argos to avenge his father by murdering his mother. Harry was born in Great Britain, willingly left for a life in Los Angeles (and there are articles saying how unhappy he is there and how he feels in 'exile'), and now  he is trying to return home - to resume his role in the BRF, or like Orestes, to 'murder his mother' by trying to complete the destruction of the public image of the BRF who bore, raised and nurtured him? Both interpretations are possible, and indeed by doing the first the BRF may achieve the second. Popular opinion seems to be that the UK public are very glad to be rid of Prince Harry and his wife, and they do not want them to return - ever. These sentiments and the possibilities of what Prince Harry will do in Los Angeles are things to be considered in making the decision whether to extend him an invitation or not.

The Six of Swords in general shows a time of moving on, a time when clear thoughts, understanding and logic will ease a difficult situation and propel you into smoother waters. Sentiment and emotions (cups) play no part in this process, it is all duty and an acceptance of your obligations. This, then, appears to be the path of the BRF - to decide with the mind and not with the heart.

Together 

As the Crowning Card, these two cards show the situation as it appears to others - Prince Harry being led by his dick to leave the BRF and create a future for himself in another country as a minor celebrity.

As the Base of the Matter, these two cards show other motivations - Prince Harry being prompted to leave by dissatisfaction with his life as well as sexual desire, the idea of having him invited to remembrance Day bringing with it the danger of destroying the reputation of the BRF, the fears of what exactly he will do in Los Angeles if he is - or is not invited, and above all the necessity for clear, logical thought without sentiment to find a path through this situation.

*

Past Influences: Justice (card 8)

This is what has influenced the situation in the past. The situation is moving away from it.

The Justice card shows the goddess Athena, seated on her throne, holding the sword and scales of justice. Athena sprung fully formed from the head of Zeus, so this Justice is impersonal, abstract, a thing of thought and not passions. This is further emphasised by the armour worn by the goddess. Her chest and her back are encased in steel, stiffening her spine and enclosing/locking away her heart, the seat of emotions. It is like the judgement handed down in a court case is supposed to be - the situation is weighed against the law and, if found wanting, a punishment prescribed by the law is delivered. There is no room for the passions or emotions in this sort of justice. Facts are all that matter.

The female goddess Athena represents the Queen, a powerful female who made the decisions in this matter. This impersonal, abstract, emotionless justice is how the Queen has dealt with this situation with Prince Harry in the past (to the best of her ability). She has considered the facts, weighed them in her mind, and delivered a consequence. The goddess is armoured and armed with a spear, and so the Queen has acted not out of personal pain but in defence of her institution (the BRF) and her realm.

As the goddess is sitting down, the consequences were more often passive than active; the result of Prince Harry's repeated actions rather than actions taken to forestall them. Like the scales the goddess holds in her hand, the Queen did her best to deliver consequences that she saw as balanced and fair (no matter how the rest of the world saw them). Athena is the goddess of strategy, and the Queen would have taken the strategic long view when deciding on the consequences for Prince Harry's actions. Justice is the card of Libra, and Libra aims for civilised harmony, so the Queen may have had that as a goal in making her decisions (for example, playing Happy Families and presenting aunited front to the world).

The fact that this is a past influence suggests that things are going to change. A new force will lie behind the actions of the BRF. Prince Harry may not be aware of this change. Justice is said to be blind, and he may go blindly forward, expecting everything to work out the same as it had in the past.

This is a Major Arcana card, so it was very important in the past for the treatment of Prince Harry to be seen as fair and unbiased by emotion. Whether this holds true for the future remains to be seen.

*

Future Influences: Nine of Wands

These are the influences on the situation that are going to appear in the immediate future. The situation is moving towards this.

The Nine of Wands shows the ship Argo just before it passes the final obstacle in its journey home, the Clashing Rocks, and comes into the safe harbour of the city of Argos. The sails of the ship are tattered and torn, for it has been through many difficulties on its voyage, and only one final obstacle remains between it and its goal. That obstacle is the Clashing Rocks, a pair of huge rocks that clashed together whenever a ship sailed between them, crushing the ship between them. The captain of the ship, Jason, acted on the advice from a crew member and released a dove between the rocks to see how fast the crew would have to row to escape them. The dove lost a few tail feathers, and by rowing at a similar speed, as fast as they could, the Argo passed between the rocks, losing only its stern ornament. After this defeat the rocks became motionless, facing each other across the sea.

For this card, the Argo represents both the BRF and Prince Harry. Both have been battered by the events of the past, and both want to come to a calm and stable future. Standing between them and this outcome is the Clashing Rocks, which represent the interests of the BRF on the one side and the desires of Prince Harry and Meghan Markle on the other. A passage between the two needs to be negotiated without destroying either the BRF or Prince Harry. Then the rocks will freeze in place, the calm and stable future will be reached, and both parties will continue to hold the positions that are seen at this event. Otherwise, one or both party will be destroyed between the rocks of their conflicting goals.

Like the dove, both Prince Harry and/or the BRF might have to lose a few tail feathers to achieve this result. The compromises will not be significant in the overall scheme of things - the dove can still fly away and regrow its feathers; similarly both Prince Harry and the BRF will recover from whatever compromises they have to make to achieve this future.

The passage to this future will not be easy. The sea around the rocks is turbulent and the crew of the ship are exhausted. it is the same with the BRF and Prince Harry. They have both been on a long journey, and both are exhausted, and finally the end is in sight. Then one last hurdle appears. The obstacle may have been foreseen, as the crew of the Argo knew of the Clashing Rocks, or it may suddenly arise from the depths and stand before them. They must try again, one last time, to overcome this obstacle and finally reach their goal. 

The Nine of Wands represents one last burst of energy that comes from the willingness to try again, one last time, even though you are exhausted, when a final obstacle arises and stands between you and your goals. That willingness to try will bring forth fresh energy and new ideas. It is this last burst that can carry both Prince Harry and the BRF through the rocks and through any compromises into the safe harbour beyond, their positions set for the future. The alternative is for one or both parties to be destroyed. Blindly rushing ahead, refusing to take the time to observe and plan and take advice, will result in the person being crushed between the rocks and drowning. Only by planning and taking advice, as Jason did when he released the dove and calculated the rowing speed required, will a safe passage be assured. 

The member who advised Jason to release the dove was Phineus, a King rescued from his torments by two of the crew of the Argo during their long journey, and who then joined the crew on their quest. Perhaps someone in a similar position may offer wise advice to the BRF and/or Prince Harry.

Wands can represent PR (creativity, ideas). It is very likely that this final obstacle (future influence) will either be in itself or will come from PR pieces designed to stir up the emotions of the general public (emotions are water and the ship is sailing through a turbulent/stirred up sea). As the PR from the Harkle camp has already shown itself capable of being extremely nasty, I expect either something even nastier from them that completely crosses one or more lines, or for Meghan Markle to turn on Prince Harry and tear him to pieces. The current trend of the Harkle PR can go either way.

*

Where One Finds Oneself: Judgement (card 20)

This is what will happen in the near future. The situation is moving towards this.

Here we see Hermes the Psychopomp, the traveller between two worlds, who brings messages to and from the Underworld, summons the dead to the Underworld, restores the dead to life, and who leads heroes out of the Underworld. 

When we die, it is said that our life passes before our eyes, and in we go the the abode of the dead, where we are judged for our deeds and delivered into peace or torment. This is where Prince Harry will find himself. Gone is the abstract justice of the past, now his actions will be judged with emotion, based on how they affect the BRF, and he will be punished or promoted accordingly.

If we look at the picture, we can see a land of glowing wheat fields at the top of the stairs. To me this is England, the Underworld is the life of exile in Hollywood, and Hermes is the messanger between the worlds, with a message  that has been or will be sent to Prince Harry. How Prince Harry responds will determine whether he is led out of the underworld and back to the wheat fields of England, or whether he is left to languish in the darkness of Hollywood. Hermes as a God often displays deceit and trickery, and here he could also represent not a message, but Prince Harry trying to lie and cheat his way back into his past privleges as a member of the BRF.

Whether or not Prince Harry returns to England, he faces a judgement. Should he be restored to some of his past privleges, should he be seen to be a member of the Windosr family but not the BRF (i.e. present in a minor role), or should he simply be excluded from all public events? This is not the cold, abstract, passive Justice of the past, but a Judgement that is active, as Hermes is upright and moving in this card, and a Judgement that is emotional, full of the hurt and pain that he has caused to others (to his family on a personal level, to the BRF as an institution, and to the British public whose taxes have supported him his entire life). This is a very different sort of "judge and jury" than in the past, and I don't think Prince Harry is aware of the change. He is represented here by the dead people, as he "died" by cutting himself off from the BRF. They are swathed in bandages that block their eyes, ears, and mouth, as Prince Harry is blind, deaf and dumb to the changes that await him in the BRF.

The Judgement card is the card of Pluto, the ruler of Scorpio, and Prince Charles is a sun-sign Scorpio. This suggests that Prince Charles is going to move from a force in the background to a major player, front and centre (as Hermes is in the card) in the decision about whether Prince Harry is invited to Remembrance Day or not, and if so in what capacity. Scorpio is a water sign, and water signs are very emotional, so this judgement of Prince Harry's worth as a member of  the BRF is going to be based on an emotional response to all his past actions, the good and the bad, the ones Prince Harry accepts as his and the ones where he places the blame upon others . The Judgement card is a Major Arcana card, which says that the judgement on his position is a major event and it will be seen on the world stage. 

The Judgement card also shows the personal process in which Prince Harry will find himself in the near future. He will face the consequences of all his actions, both those he admits to and those where he has avoided responsibility. All of those actions will be called to account, not just on a world stage but also on a personal stage, and Prince Harry will be confronted with the realisation of what he has done and how it has created his future (whether he accepts his part in this or chooses to play the eternal victim is another matter entirely). The  Judgement card signifies the end of a chapter in his life. Whether the next part is sweet or bitter, as part of the BRF or alone in Hollywood, will be the result of all his actions, past and present.

*

Views of Others: Two of Cups

This is how friend s and family see the situation.

*

Hopes and Fears: Six of Cups

This is what the people involved hope for and fear from the situation.

*

Final Outcome: Page of Swords

If no energy shifts, this will be the outcome of the situation.

Clarifiers: Queen of Swords, Seven of Pentacles

I pulled two clarifying cards to help me understand the outcome.

Queen of Swords

Seven of Pentacles

*

[blackswaneuroparedux]

Anonymous asked: Don’t you miss London in any way since you are British? Wouldn’t you love to come back especially after Brexit? Do you think London has changed for the worse that its not worth living there anymore?

Yes, I do miss London. I do want to go back....but not yet. I’m enjoying living and working in Paris. Brexit doesn’t affect me as I also have a Norwegian passport and I qualify for carte de séjour (a sort of residential work permit).

It was the wit Stephen Fry who said “The English language is like London: proudly barbaric yet deeply civilised, too, common yet royal, vulgar yet processional, sacred yet profane.” He captures the essence of London it’s so diverse that anyone can fit in. That is its strength and its weakness compared to other maga cosmopolitan cities like New York in the West or Shanghai in the East as its only rival.

But to my mind London has  more - arguably the same as New York but definitely more than Shanghai - in terms of energy and vibrancy with a very unique English topping of eccentricity. Something you would never find in Paris for instance where things are quite socially stodgy and snobbish. The dinner parties I attend in London are far more down to earth and vibrant as well as eccentric and very fun compared to the ritualised boerdom of super pretentious dinner parties of the Parisian crowds I get roped in - a caveat, most but not all.

London to me is like city state much in the spirit of a medieval Florence. It has no moorings to the rest of the country or the nation. It’s a bubble. or I should say bubbles within a giant bubble. There a diversity of communities each rubbing up against each other. Mostly for the good but some times not so good. Despite urban problems that affict growing mega capitals London for me still remains a wonderful place to live. 

When people ask me about if I enjoyed living in London I have to ask which London? We all live in our concentric social circles in London and people as much as place help define our sense of belonging and happiness. I don’t look at London in an abstract way in terms of favourite places but in terms of the bonds of friendships made and sustained from childhood onwards. 

Samuel Johnson said “When a man is tired of London, he is tired of life; for there is in London all that life can afford.” In my case, it’s because I wanted to expand my life experiences that I left London. I get bored easily and I have restless feet. I left London because it became too small for me. Or rather the world I inhabited became too socially claustrophobic for my tastes. I needed to get out and seek adventure and challenges elsewhere at least for the next chapter of my life.

I do love London and I often go back there for work reasons as well as personal ones when I can. I am a member of a few gentlemen clubs (many allow women in now) and its old genteel atmosphere centres me and paradoxically helps me to see London in slow motion even as London around me is fast moving and changing. I also don’t miss key events that I can only experience in London like the ballet and the theatre which is unrivalled in the world. And of course there are some events on the social season calendar which I can’t miss because of family obligations.

Every city has its unique charms but only a few touch the heart and soul. London - or at least the London of my childhood - is one of them. But for how much longer I don’t know.

London seems to be galloping towards a new and uncertain identity, one that puts ‘stuff’ before substance, and more importantly, money before class (as in good taste). Brexit’s impact on London doesn’t bother me in the slightest as London will adapt as it always does. It will muddle through which has always been the English way to solving any problem: just muddle through.

Still, it’s the little things I notice rather than the obvious macro ones. It niggles me and prey on my mind long after I witness the offence.

So let me give you an example of what I mean.

I did a hard day’s shopping in Knightsbridge and was waiting to meet a dear old friend from boarding school to play catch up. She’s always bringing me up to speed on the gossip in our circles and most of it goes in one ear and out of the other as I’m bored by it but interested and polite enough to listen if only to feel happiness and relief that I actually do live away in Paris.

So there I was waiting for her. She was late as usual. I was sitting in a quintessentially English hotel restaurant in Knightsbridge over Christmas. I watched a young man about the same age as me approach the door. He was dressed in a wool long coat with a velvet collar that looked a little snug, although it was beautiful and had the look of Turnbull and Asser about it.

My heart soared, as he held the door open for an elegantly dressed woman who was on her way out, then approached the restaurant and confirmed he was there and waiting for a guest, a living illustration that manners maketh man.  When he took his coat off it was to reveal what was the uniform of my father’s generation, right down to the waistcoat, bottom button left open, and polished shoes. The suit he was wearing could well have been inherited from his father - probably Savile Row - but the whole was a thing of modest beauty and seemed to fit with the Christmas decorations and season of traditions. This was a well groomed young gentleman who had dressed for the occasion, and the occasion was a treat, an extravagance, something not of the every day.

I ended up at a table diagonally across from him and his companion, probably his wife or partner, excited to be there and also impeccably dressed and I watched as a party of flashy men of indecipherable East European origin arrived five minutes later. They didn’t speak much English and were wearing a selection of very tight floral shirts with white cuffs and collars. Block printed, purple and lime and many other colours unsuitable for December, but there you have it and while my suited object of admiration sat unserved, the party in the middle of the restaurant made up for their lack of fluent English with magnificent finger clicking skills.

You might say this is and always has been the way of the world, the wallets were on the table, money clips clearly visible through the skintight shirts, but one thing was different about this picture, something unpleasant. The restaurant staff fawned on them, and the couple opposite me sat, waiting politely for the two gin and tonics they had ordered.

Meanwhile, gaudy bottles of Ace of Spades Champagne arrived stage centre, possibly the world’s flashiest wine container, gold and shiny and terribly gauche. They were closely followed by four sets of twins, female ones, who sat down at the table amongst the flowery shirts and were each poured a glass of fizz which they silently sipped in minimal clothing.

Meanwhile in the other corner, the unassuming couple who had come in first were still waiting for their drinks, and I watched while the gloss went off their day, and the pall of poor relations settled on them in the corner.

This scene will be familiar to anyone who lives in Central London and it’s sad. The bottom line has always been a vital consideration in the London restaurant scene, there has always been a special table for regular customers, that’s the way of things. Until recently however there has also been that very British recognition that the chap who has saved up all year to take his wife to a special lunch should be treated as if he is also a regular guest and one of equal value at that.

It’s these little acts of tradition and custom that are the life blood of the civic life of a city. Lose this and you slowly erode the pillars of civility.

This obnoxious veneration of money to the exclusion of everything else has reached fever pitch. Restaurants that used to be just that, dining rooms that you could sit and eat lovely food in, providing a bubble away from the day to day stresses that we are all party to, are now restaurants with private clubs upstairs. Meanwhile private clubs that used to be simply  private clubs now have VIP areas – VVIP areas – which is at least a bonus in that you can avoid the more ghastly members as they are all in those bits.

What does this all mean? Does it mean that everything from eating out to where we shop is now Instagrammed or Facebooked, leaving us defined by our purchases and spending habits alone? It is certainly starting to feel like it in London (and worryingly small signs of it Paris too with rich Russians and Arabs buying up most expensive aprtments in the city), where a hundred pounds is the new tenner, and consumption has reached improbable proportions.

Strangely though, no one seems any happier, quite the contrary. Are the new Rich Kids of Instagram really something to aspire to? Is bad taste the new good taste?  Strange times are upon us, when 16 year olds sit in a cordoned off areas of clubs and restaurants flashing their cash and getting on and off jets. I see this first hand as I sometimes get to fly on private jets purely for work reasons at the largesse of my corporate clients. I always thought the Euro trash aristocrats girls at my Swiss boarding school were entitled airheads but the present nouveau riche incarnation don’t even have a sense of ironic self awareness or taste.

Human beings love a boundary, well they have for the whole history of mankind to date, anyway. If in one generation we get rid of all the traditional social conventions, from buying our own homes, saving, working hard, not buying whatever we want whenever we want it, where will we be?  Perhaps instant gratification will lead us all to a new kind of life, a new place where we all live for experiences instead of taking out a mortgage, where nothing we do is our fault and no consequences to our actions.

I have always loved the quote ‘Don’t give up on what you want for what you want now’ and believe that delaying gratification is the defining characteristic of mature adulthood.

Perhaps values, traditions, less is more and simple kindness will make a comeback. In the meantime, restaurants will empty of customers like the well mannered gentleman on the corner table, and I will continue to feel uncomfortable that we are losing something vital not just in London but increasingly elsewhere in great European cities I travel to.

Thanks for your question.