#i would trade my life in a heartbeat. to be honest.

[sunnynoki]

m so tried. maybe its the fact that it's nearing 4am, but.

they knew. they knew and they hid that information. probably to not taint their popularity. not that it really affected it anyway. because people still follow them. reblog their content. etc.

they knew and drew it anyway. do they feel shame? they didnt say sorry. did they feel any sort of disgust? they didnt say sorry. do they know what they have caused? they didnt say sorry

now they flock towards them. and the people who forgave them now share a community with them. the same people i trusted to NOT do EXACTLY THAT.

i shouldve saw it coming to be honest. when she shared "neutral works." people who went "oh i didnt write it that way but feel free to interpret it as such!" or "please be civil with each other" or "i dont care either way." but i gave her the benefit of the doubt. i trusted her.

even still, her betrayal feels like the worst of all.

is it really a betrayal? or was it me just being willfully ignorant and then blinded when i couldnt anymore? should i really blame her? i was the one ignoring the signs. i guess it was partly because i liked her writing

guess that makes me no different from the rest of them.

even still, some lines shouldnt be crossed. they crossed it. she was toeing it and then crossed it with them. and the rest of them? the same.

some people give out their empathy too willingly.

"ohhhh i can understand needing the money" "ohhhh a jobs a job." you do realize that those don't absolve you of moral responsibility right? like. god am i really needing to spell it out? those were the same excuses used after ww2. i get that this is a much MUCH smaller scale, but my point still fucking stands; money or a job doesnt give you the right to ignore morals like that.

im so tired. this is eating me from the inside out, to lose friends like this. i used to be active in, what, at least 6 servers? now its 2, and its the ones i used the least.

i trusted them; i thought we were on the same page. turns out i was stupid enough to ignore the signs and it blew up in my face. great job.

maybe im dumb for dropping nearly all my friends over this. maybe im a fucking idiot for dying on this hill. maybe i deserve to die over it. maybe i would make lots of people happy for dying: "hooray! the evil anti is defeated!"

maybe im just a very, very unstable person that deserves to be locked away in a room with no key.

maybe that room should be set alight, leaving me to burn in it, my screams muffled by the padded walls.

maybe i shouldnt have written this post at all.

maybe i should have never existed at all.

[runninriot]

written for @steddie-week day 4

and the @steddiesongfics july prompt

Easy

prompts: trade, body swap & song: Nik Kershaw (Wouldn't It Be Good) | wc: ~1.2k | rated t | cw: recreational drug use | tags: steve has a bad relationship with his parents, good uncle wayne appreciation, repressed feelings, steve has a crush on eddie, friends to lovers | also on ao3

They’re lying on Eddie’s floor, sharing a joint like they often do. Hanging out, just the two of them, enjoying each other’s company.

Eddie’s been rambling for the past ten minutes, talks about how he’d like to swap bodies with Steve for a day, how he’d want to experience a day in Steve’s life first-hand.

   “Why the hell would you want that?”

   “You got it easy,” Eddie says matter-of-factly and Steve snorts at this very untrue claim.

   “Yeah right, I wish.”

   “What could possibly make Mr popular rich boy’s life hard, huh?” Eddie teases and Steve knows he doesn’t mean it in a hurtful way but it still stings.

   “You don’t know a thing bout it,” he answers simply, before snatching the joint from Eddie’s fingers and taking a long drag.

Steve doesn’t want to open up that box. He came here to forget, not to talk about what’s keeping him up at night.

   “So? Tell me then. I wanna know. Because- and don’t take this the wrong way, Stevie – but I really can’t see it. I mean, look at me. I’m certified trailer trash. I know what it’s like to live on nothing but toast and peanut butter for weeks because the washing machine broke and the next pay check isn’t yet due.” Eddie laughs but Steve can’t find it in him to join in on it.

He hates when Eddie calls himself that, trailer trash. As if living in a trailer park makes him less of a person. It doesn’t! It just means that Eddie and his uncle are less fortunate than others.

Steve didn’t do shit to earn the comfort of growing up in a big house, was just... lucky to be born into the Harrington family.

Wayne on the other hand is doing his best, is giving his all to make their life as good as possible.

Steve envies that.

Wayne is an honest and hard-working man, and even if Eddie likes to joke around and belittle himself for their situation, Steve knows he cherishes everything Wayne has done for him. Steve knows Eddie will do everything to make him proud. To repay him for taking him in when he needed a place to stay. For always being there for him, for supporting him. For loving him unconditionally.

They might not have much but they have each other. It’s something Steve would trade everything he owns for without hesitation.

In a heartbeat, he’d give up his inheritance for a relationship with his parents that is as respectful and loving as the one between Eddie and his uncle.

Because Steve might have a nice car, a pool in the backyard, and a name that can open doors for him but- at home, he feels lonely, unloved. He’s a failure, his father keeps reminding him. And worst of all, he’s afraid to be his true self around them because they’d never accept it, would never understand.

   “Steve? You with me?” Eddie pushes himself up on one arm, his face hovering over Steve’s. “Hey, did I say something wrong? I didn’t mean to-���

   “Nah, you’re good. Just got a little lost in my thoughts.” Steve offers a weak smile but he can sense that Eddie doesn’t buy it.

He knows him too well.

Has this annoying ability to read Steve like an open book.

It’s like he can see right through him, can see right through Steve’s little white lies whenever he tries to talk himself out of something.

There’s only one thing Eddie doesn’t know about him and never will. It’s Steve’s best kept secret; not even Robin knows. Because he can’t risk his parents finding out about it.

If Eddie knew, maybe he’d understand and take back what he said earlier because yeah, sure, Steve’s life might seem easy from an outsider’s point of view, someone who only sees the shiny exterior of his golden cage.

It’s a false illusion, because contrary to Steve, Eddie does not have to hide a certain part of himself out of fear of the consequences.

Wayne loves him regardless, accepts all of him. Wayne knows, and he’d put up a fight with anyone who doesn’t agree with Eddie’s... choices.

Steve’s father would kill him if he ever found out that his son is-

   “Alriiight, enough for you!” Eddie sits up and reaches for the joint that’s slowly burning down in Steve’s hand.

Their fingers brush and it feels like the world stops for a second. Steve finds Eddie’s gaze, can’t look away, slowly loses himself in Eddie’s dark brown eyes. The air is crackling between them and Steve feels tiny electric shocks prickle on his skin when Eddie lifts his free hand and cups his face.

The hand doesn’t linger, unfortunately, moves up his temple to brush a strand of hair back from Steve’s forehead. It’s a kind gesture and Steve wishes he could lean into the gentle touch.

But he can’t. He can’t let the wall crumble because Eddie would instantly know what it means.

Would know that, behind layers of pretentious confidence, Steve hides this vulnerable part of himself.

That there, locked away in his fragile heart, burns a small flame. A flame he tried to smother, that keeps flickering unrelenting.

Because every time Eddie looks at him, every time he smiles, every time they touch – it’s like gasoline to the flame, setting his insides ablaze.

Eddie’s hand retreats but the sensation on Steve’s face remains, hot and red. He knows he’s blushing, hopes he can blame it on the buzz from the weed.

   “Sometimes I wish-“ Steve realises too late that he said it out loud.

   “Wish what?” Eddie asks, curiously waiting for Steve to continue.

   “Sometimes I wish things were different.”

   “What would you change?”

    This right here, Steve thinks. You being so close but not close enough.

   “I’d change who I am.”

   “Who would you want to be, if you could choose?”

    Yours.

   “I’d want to be someone who’s brave.”

   “Pff, you’re literally the bravest person I know.” Eddie scoffs affectionately.

   “If I’m so brave, then why I am so scared?” Steve knows it’s more than he should confess, too much for Eddie not to keep digging.

   “Scared of what?” Eddie looks at him like he’s searching for the answer in Steve’s eyes, intense and pensive. And then he smiles, bright and warm and fond in a way that makes Steve’s heart stutter.

Inside him, the flame flares up, spreads heat from his heart through his veins and Steve knows, in that moment, this might be his only chance.

   “Scared of my feelings for you.”

Eddie kisses him and suddenly, everything does seem easy.

Kissing Eddie back is easy.

Leaning into his touch and holding him tight is easy.

Loving Eddie is easy.

Because it feels right.

It doesn’t matter what his parents will think of him if they know – this is right and it’s all he wants.

This is who he is underneath.

This is who he wants to be, openly and unafraid.

   “You don’t have to change, Stevie. You don't have to be anyone else. I love you just the way you are.”

And that, Steve realises, is more than enough.

[lampmanliveblogs]

Okay, so… lot’s of information right here, lots to go over. I watched through the entire story, up to Eda saying ”We know what it’s like to feel alone,” but I’m gonna go through this piece by piece.

Starting off, The Collectors siblings told them to go play with the Titans down on this unnamed planet. Most likely, the Archivists had come here to collect some samples and brought along their little brother. Annoyed by him constantly badgering them about playing some game or what have you, they sent him away, hoping he’d stay busy and stop bothering them so they could get their work done.

Now, The Collector calls the archivists their siblings, but we know nothing about how their families work. Are the Archivists born like humans, or do they come from some other source? Seeing as this is the final episode of the series, I don’t think we’re gonna get answers to all questions, and if this story The Collector tells us here is the last pieces of information we get on the Archivists we get, then I wouldn’t be surprised.

Though to be honest, I’d trade information on the Archivists for Bat-Queen’s backstory in a heartbeat.

My point is, information is scarce, so I’m gonna have to make a lot if inferences and theorizing. But taking the words at face value here. The Collector was the younger sibling who annoyed their older siblings, so they made up a game for him to play… and things got way out of hands.

As has been hinted at before, The Collector made friends with some of the younger Titans. And, again, taking their words at face value, they were real friends; the little Titans were welcoming and liked to play. And with that in mind, The Collector forcing King to become their best friend and to play all these games is pretty clearly an attempt to replace those lost friends… but now with the added trauma of being abandoned by his family and having his friends ”disappear.” Plus the whole being locked up and sealed away thing.

Speaking of which, I found the specific wording used here a little interesting. The Collector specifically says that ”one by one, they disappeared,” while it’s pretty clear that what they actually meant is that the Archivists killed them. This could be one (or multiple) of several things. Maybe, seeing as this is a kids’ show, they had be careful with the kind of language they used. Maybe The Collector really does not understand the meaning of death, like Luz suggested before. Maybe The Collector just didn’t want to use the word ”killed” or ”died.”

I dunno, it might not mean anything.

As it turns out, King’s Dad mistakingly thought The Collector was the evil force that had wiped out his species and that’s why he hid away King’s egg and trapped The Collector… which may or may not have also have required him sacrificing his own life to do. Bit of a whoopsie there. I can understand why he’s hiding out in the In-Between, I’d be embarrassed to show my face to after a mistake like that. And Belos using his name to lure people into a cult just added a whole other layer to the bad PR cake.

Also, the reason I chose this particular moment to screen shot is because we can see there, in King’s Dad’s hand the magical symbol that was used to hide King away from The Collector (and all other Archivists).

You okay there Collector? Your eyes look a bit… grey? Not sure what’s going on there, when they blink their eyes go back to normal. Odd.

Oh well, let’s not dwell on The Collector’s eyes, let’s dwell on their words instead!

”Even when those Trapper jerks started acting weird,” they say. Which means that at some point, the Titan Trappers, regardless of whether they were jerks or not at this point, used to act normal. Or at least what The Collector would consider normal. Slight difference there.

I think it’s safe to say that the Titan Trappers were either inspired by the Archivists, or even created by them directly in order to combat the Titans. The modern Titan Trappers worshipped The Collector as a god, and we can assume the Titan Trappers of the past worshipped the Archivists as their gods as well.

All of that I think is safe to say, but where it gets a bit more muddled is in the time between then and now. It would seem that at some point after wiping out at least most of the Titans, the Archivists left the planet. It’s possible they feared King’s Dad was simply too strong for them to take down, so decided to just leave; perhaps they believed there were no eggs left and that King’s Dad might die from old age or that he simply wasn’t a problem. It is also possible they knew King’s Dad sacrificed his life to trap The Collector and with King’s egg hidden away, they thought ”Job well done,” and left, not really caring about one of their own being sealed away forever; that is, if they even knew The Collector was sealed away.

What we do know is that the Titan Trappers remained. At some point they started worshipping The Collector and sought after a way to free him. This most likely happened because they found one of those mirror things The Collector could use to communicate with the outside world… except we saw theirs was broken, so maybe it didn’t fully work anymore. The important part is that they knew about there being one Titan remaining, probably because The Collector told them King’s Dad hid away one last egg.

So here we have what I consider a possible reconstruction of the timeline. But that still doesn’t answer the question about what changed with the Titan Trappers to make them ”weird” to The Collector. I’m gonna guess that Bill spun The Collector’s words in such a way so that rather than trying to find the last Titan so he could help free The Collector, they instead had to find and kill the last Titan to free The Collector.

Which is kinda funny, because using the words of a powerful being worshipped as a god in order to gain control over a large mass of people… that’s what Belos did. Though Bill implies he’s been around for much longer and even calls Belos an upstart. I guess he wasn’t too pleased by Belos copying his schtick.

Luz: ”How about we tell you the story of how we all became friends? Collector: ”Hmm… okay. King, how did you and Eda first meet?” King: ”Well, it all started when Eda took me away from my home and guardian-” Collector: ”Oh, I see! So when she does it, you become family, but when I-!” Eda: ”Uhhh… maybe let’s start somewhere else. Luz, how about you…?” Luz: ”R-right. so, um… I guess it all started when I stumbled through the portal into the Demon Realm and Eda, uh… kidnapped me… and forced me to play along in one of King’s childish games…” Collector: ”OH I SEE! SO WHEN SHE DOES IT, YOU BECOME FAMILY, BUT WHEN I-!”

I kid, I kid. The idea here is that they’re dropping all the lies and false narratives to finally tell the truth. Because as we were shown here, one of The Collector’s big hangups is people lying to them, constantly lying and pretending to be their friend. The Collector, being mentally a child, is of course very susceptible to this. And having spent so much time being isolated and manipulated has left The Collector unable to form real friendships with people. It’s all part of a big game of pretend, and like all games, it has to come to and end.

What the Owl House trio are trying to do here is show The Collector how to create genuine bonds with people; no lying, no manipulation, no turning people into puppets and forcing them to play along in dollhouse tea parties.

Basically, they’re trying to adopt him into their found family. Then Eda will have three kids, two of whom are living gods. Let’s hope Raine’s up for the challenge.

Hmmmmmm……. sure is awfully convenient that Luz was carrying around that big stack of photographs of all her adventures with the gang. How did she even… the Owl House was ransacked… Eda and Lilith might’ve been able to save a photo album, and Luz then kept them with her as a good luck charm or whatever. Another possibility is that she found them while infiltrating the storage where the Emperor’s Coven kept all the confiscated material from the Owl House and Luz found them there. Either way, feels a bit contrived.

…

Oh wait, last episode, they extracted a bunch of Luz’ memories. As I recall, we saw mostly negative ones, but maybe they got a bunch of good ones as well, and Luz kept them on her. That’s probably it, yeah.

(Future Lampman here: I took a break and rewound the episode a bit and I remembered something I thought off but forgot to mention. The Collector mentions that King already told them about their adventures, and Luz responds that it’s different when you can see them. The Collector’s all about playing games and pretend, and from their perspective, King’s stories might very well be just that: stories. When one is so used to lies and half-truths and obfuscations, how does one tell fact from fiction? One good way is to show a photograph, objective proof of reality. In other words: pics or it didn’t happen.)

[never-be-tamed]

I find myself often reflecting on the incredible journey we've shared, and I am filled with immense gratitude and love for you. There are not enough words to express how much you mean to me, but I hope this message captures even a fraction of my appreciation for you. From the very beginning, you have been my anchor, my rock, and my constant source of strength. Your unwavering support and belief in me have given me the courage to face even the darkest of days. You see the best in me, even when I struggle to see it in myself, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Your humor lights up my life. I love how you can make me laugh even in the most serious moments. Your jokes, your playful teasing, and even the way you pout when things don't go your way – all of these make my heart swell with joy. You bring so much happiness into my world, and I cherish every laugh we share. I am also deeply touched by your kindness and compassion. You have a way of making everyone around you feel valued and loved. Your generosity knows no bounds, and I am constantly in awe of your ability to give so selflessly. You inspire me to be a better person, and I am proud to stand by your side. Even more, I am moved by your strength and resilience. Life has thrown many challenges our way, yet you face each one with grace and determination. Your courage in the face of adversity is nothing short of extraordinary, and it reminds me that together, we can overcome anything. But perhaps what I love most about you is your heart. You love so deeply and fully, and it is an honor to be the recipient of that love. You make me feel cherished and adored, and I want you to know that I feel the same way about you. Your love has transformed my life in ways I never thought possible, and I am forever grateful for the bond we share. Alex, you are my best friend, my confidant, and my everyrhing. I am so proud of the man you are and the man you continue to become. I am incredibly lucky to have you in my life, and I promise to always stand by your side, just as you have stood by mine. Thank you for being you, and for loving me so completely. I look forward to all the memories we have yet to make and the adventures that await us. You are my everything, and I love you more than words can say.

I— PLEASE send some love and appreciation to this wonderful woman, she deserves the whole load, the whole package of affection and kindness I MEAN SHE IS JUST WOW, SEE i am speechless again. 🤯

You are such a wonderful soul, I JUST WISH THAT YOU COULD SEE HOW WONDERFUL YOU TRULY ARE, I adore everything you are, shadow and light, good and bad, every aspect of you inspires me to be the man that you deserve and I'm trying my very best to be that man for you. And I love love love our honest and pure communication about anything and everything. I am so happy to have you with me, I wouldn't trade our bond for anything in this world. You showed me that it's okay to not always be that strong, that I don't always need to make sense, that it's okay to have days where I don't feel my best, to let the mask fall that I was wearing for so long, that it's okay to make mistakes that I can grow from in the end. You show me so much. And I love love love our journey so far and I'm sure I will love everything there is to come. Everything we went through, lead us to each other. And I would do it all again, in a heartbeat, all that struggle, heartbreak and shit just so I can be with you and near you in the end. I love you so much Babes. Thank you for being you, for being by my side through thick and thin, THANKS TO YOUR PARENTS FOR BRINGING SUCH A GREAT SOUL INTO THIS WORLD, INTO MY WORLD, I LOVE YOU ENDLESSLY, WHOLEHEARTEDLY AND TRULY.

And... since you love it so much and it makes you laugh (🙄) :

[gregorygerwitz]

Moustead + “it’s not that i don’t like my life, it’s that i don’t have the energy to enjoy it.”

this is kinda sorta post-white knuckles but reading that first is not necessary

Jay kept his eyes on his phone when he felt the bed shift beside him, especially when he felt the warm body so close to his. The was a privilege, being allowed so close, feeling that presence in his space. He didn't want to do anything that might startle it away, not after it took so long to earn. Besides, he was in the middle of reading an email, an automated notice about an opening in another unit - it wasn't that far from Mouse's apartment (their apartment, he had to remind himself even two months in), and it would mean finally getting out of a patrol uniform again. He could only stand to pick up shifts for so long without a direction to move in.

"Why did I decide to go back to school again?"

With a small smile, he turned off the screen and glanced down at his boyfriend, trying not to give in to the urge to shake his head. The idea was one that had been brought up their first weekend, one of the many things on the list of what ifs that they had to consider. Mouse had gotten lucky, picking up a few courses at the local community college just before registration for the term closed. Hours before, if they were being completely honest. The timing worked out well for the chaos that had put them on that path at all, and they were both grateful for it. Or he'd thought that, before the first week of classes actually started.

"You can't possibly be ready to give up again yet. It's day four."

"No, I know, I just..." Shaking his head, Mouse sighed and looked up at him from where he was lounging in the pillows. He looked tired, that much was sure, but not any more than he did when they were working with Intelligence. And this was supposed to be better than that. "I forgot how much it takes out of me, you know? I have to go to campus, and sit in a lecture, and then go to a lab and work with a partner. Can't you be my lab partner? You don't drain my social battery."

Jay let out a chuckled and shifted so that he could lay down, too, putting them at eye level. They didn't really need the blankets, not when they had each other to keep warm, and it wasn't like they were really going to sleep any time soon. "Is that what this is about? You don't like your life choices because they make you tired?"

"It's not that I don't like my life, it's that I don't have the energy to enjoy it." Instead of pulling away to make up for their change in position, Mouse got closer, resting his head on Jay's chest until they could both feel the steady thrum of a heartbeat there. It was calming, grounding, a reminder of where they were instead of where they used to be. "I'm too tired to even suggest sex. Me. But if we do, I'll be even more tired when I have to go to class in the morning, and you have a patrol shift tomorrow, and who does that help? No. Let's just turn on a movie or something and call it an early night."

Letting out a satisfied sigh, Jay moved so that he could wrap an arm around the now perfectly placed shoulders, gently hugging his boyfriend closer to him. "That sounds perfect. What were you thinking of turning on?"

"Scream?"

"Mouse..."

"It's a good movie. Besides, you love Scream. You've watched the entire franchise three times."

"Because you made me watch the entire franchise three times."

It was supposed to be a complaint, an aired frustration, but he couldn't even force it. It came out too light, too easy, too fond. He was too full of love and warmth to even be annoyed. Because Jay liked his life, too, and he wouldn't trade it for anything.

[ dialogue prompts ]

[havvkinsqueen]

“Be honest… do you like your life in Hawkins?”

-- Chrissy clacked her teeth together as she thought. It should be an easy answer. But, if anything; "No." She brought herself to say, a beat later followed by, "But some of the people here make it worthwhile. I'd trade my life here in a heartbeat, but I would never trade the people I met." Because, let's be real, those people saved her. Chrissy was a sort of miserable type of person that tried her hardest not to be. More than once she wondered if, perhaps, a different place. A different life would change that for her.

[feralgodmothers]

I can’t bring myself to hate Christopher. I know it’s popular to hate him. But it’s the same deal as dean? What crime did he actually commit except be the woman’s first love? And a reminder of who she was before the most popular fandom choice? I prefer Luke for Lorelai. But I can’t hate Christopher. Sherry whatsherface and Anna Nardini on the other hand….let’s just say I don’t take well to people willingly abandoning their children. And the less said about April’s two faced, passive aggressive mother the better.

Ps. I remembered that Anna Nardini’s actress played Mariano’s defacto stepmother and I am CACKLING!!!!!

I feel exactly the same way, anon. Like… to a T.

People in this fandom hate on Chris as if being flaky is the most heinous thing a parent can ever be. (I mean, hey - I’m glad they’re all in such a fantastic place where their standards can be sky high, and that they all have the perfect parents or whatever, but good GOD. We have to stop babying Rory so much. Like aww, her life isn’t picture perfect?)

I hate to come across as the person in the anti-Chris debate who’s like ‘other people have it so much worse’, but… I mean-

Come on. IT IS NOT THAT SERIOUS.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I would happily trade fathers with Rory in a heartbeat. (No take-backs though. I’d keep Christopher, and she can pass on my father to some unsuspecting sap like the demon from It Follows.)

He loves (and even likes) Rory and is glad she exists. That’s at least the first step in being a decent parent in my books. I’ll admit - my bar for fathers is probably a little lower than it should be, but even taking that into consideration - the amount of hate Christopher gets is ridiculous. I think if you took away the fact that he’s the main obstacle to a fan favorite ship, people wouldn’t be overly bothered by him. His only “crime” is that he wasn’t around in person regularly, but his situation is a little weird, tbh. He’s still in love with Lorelai, and she sort of loves him too, but she doesn’t want them to be a traditional family, etc. It would be kind of awkward to navigate that, but he still called Rory on the phone fairly regularly, helped pay for her education, and immediately rushed to SH and stayed up all night when Rory ended up in the hospital after the car crash (the first and only real injury she’s ever had if I remember right?). People who call him a “deadbeat dad” really need to look up what that term actually means. He was invested enough in his relationship with Rory that he actually got upset and was ready to fight with Lorelai when Rory stopped communicating with him and he believed that Lorelai was behind it. People argue that he only cares about Lorelai, and always shows up only because of her, but that’s clearly untrue. And you’re absolutely right - he gets the Dean Forester treatment. He’s the wrench in their preferred ship, so they exaggerate his negative qualities to rationalize their blind hatred. It’s insane (and more than a little annoying). To me, if you don’t like a character, that’s fine - but the least you can do is be honest about why you don’t like them. Don’t try to feed me your fan-made caricatures. This show gives us enough examples of actual bad parents without the fandom treating the middling ones like they’re the spawn of Satan. Why hate Liz and Chris when Jimmy, Sherry, Anna (and a lot of times, Emily and Richard) are RIGHT THERE? Plus, I think ASP felt the same way and tried to do some damage control with the fandom when she wrote Dean and Chris’ scenes in AYITL. I think Rory’s interactions with them (her monologue about Dean being a great boyfriend, and Chris asking not to be painted as “too much of a villain”) was a pointed hint on how she wanted the fandom to feel about those characters. Funny how people will respect her authority as the creator only when she conveniently aligns with their opinions. 😒

I think I hate Anna more as a person than as a parent. April may have received some collateral emotional damage (and I obviously don’t like that), but my main beef with Anna was her treatment of Luke. There was literally no reason for her to be so nasty to him or to be as possessive over April as she was.

Sherry was god-awful. It’s probably a good thing Chris chose to stay with her in S2, because if he hadn’t - Sherry might have left Gigi in a dumpster or something.

I think Sherry abandoning Gigi and leaving Chris to be a single dad served as a major highlight of Chris and Lorelai being the “timing was never right” sort of couple. They had an undeniable bond, and ended up leading parallel lives, 19 (?) years apart. If it wasn’t for Luke (and I say this as a hardcore Luke/Lorelai shipper), I think Chris and Lorelai would have been a no-brainer option for each other. Even though I love Luke/Lorelai more, I do love Chris/Lorelai - both together and separately (even though the writing in S7 made them a little weird). I think their relationship is very bittersweet and tragic, and they break my heart a little bit.

[kittendarknesswho]

Journal blurb: love

The happiest I’ve ever been in a relationship is when I was getting the shit best out of me damn near daily.. not because it was abusive, but because the good times were so so sooo good. No one has ever loved me so deeply as ___ has. I was, and if we’re honest still am, willing to accept that as the price of love. I would still now trade the “peace” that comes with living alone for the chaos of that relationship. Every other day being accused of cheating and getting beat for it, but every day getting love, and affection, never sleeping without each other, she was always there to comfort me.. all I had to do was be small in the moments she was so upset. It was a worthy cost.

Now, I’ve been out of that relationship for 13 years. 13. Years. And I’d still go back in a heartbeat. Because in that 13 years I have never found love that deep. People have still used and abused me, but never loved me too. So, if I have to choose, between loneliness, overt abuse without love, or overt abuse with love, I’m going to choose the latter. Because, as much as being lonely means I don’t get hurt, it also means I don’t get loved, and when it comes down to it, I just have too much love debt, I *need* it. Literally, not figuratively. I. Need. It. So, if it has to come with abuse attached, so be it. But I’ve gone too much of my life without receiving something that is a basic necessity at birth. I didn’t receive it growing up. And I’ve received too much pain since. So, I think I’m at a point now where I’m just too old to live a love-less life…

The hilarious part of this is I say this as if there is any love perspective on the horizon. If there is, I didn’t get the notice. Maybe I’m just speaking it into existence. Maybe I’m just venting. Idk

[breathofthebloodlily]

personal lol

Man I'm gonna be honest all the "it only gets better as you age up, my 30s are so much better than my 20s" posts feel real bad

Like! I'm glad that's the case for so many people! But if I could go back to being the person I was at 20 and in the situation I was in at 20 I would do it in a heartbeat lol. If I could be the person I was at 25, when I knew myself but hadn't yet lost Everything because my illness and disability were only Bad instead of Terrible, I would absolutely go back. My years of med school were in a lot of ways the best of my life.

I would trade what little wisdom I've gained for the price I had to pay for it without hesitation. No life experience, no slight ability to see "hm this is probably not a good situation" and still have no power to avoid it is worth this.

I want my fucking life back. And honestly I don't think we should tell the kids that It Always Gets Better. Those who will get better will find out for themselves. And rest will only feel the alienation even stronger.

[surveysandthings]

2.

How many countries have you visited? Two!

Flowers or chocolate? ....both is good.

My first mobile phone was... A pink and silver Samsung flip phone. I had a rainbow bubblegum wallpaper and a pink panther ringtone. I was the shit and I knew it.

The life advice I wish I could give my younger self is... I just wish I could have mothered her better. She struggles so much later in life because no one took care of her in that way.

A job I'd be terrible at... Anything high powered and fast paced. I’m too sensitive for that shit.

The superpower I want most is... I would love to be able to shapeshift!

When I retire, I'd like to move to... I don’t know what I’ll want when I’m that age!

Does pineapple belong on pizza? I think that whatever you think belongs on pizza, belongs there.

A flaw I have is... I’m so goddamn hard on myself.

Between the morning and the night, I prefer... Definitely early morning!

The best thing about the internet is... There's good in the bad and bad in the good. While its super cool to be able to connect with literally everyone on the planet...you’re open and exposed to literally everybody in the world all the time. While it’s full of inspiration and artwork...you feel the pressure to constantly be creating and comparing the quality/pace of your art to everyone else’s. While you have instant access to answers to literally any question you could have...I don’t know if we were meant to have that. You know?

Something I find boring is... Politics. Sports. Action movies.

What's a goal you have in life? I just want to be happy.

Between the city and the country, I always pick... I like smaller cities. Still stuff to do but there isn’t as much traffic or crime.

My comfort food is... Definitely soup. I’m a soup girl.

The video game I've played the most is... Definitely Sims.

One of my favorite stores is... I’ve really been digging TJ Maxx lately!

The best photo of my pet is... Like she’s ever taken a bad picture in her life.

A moment I enjoy during the day is.... When my husband gets home from work!

The music genre I listen to the most is... I like a good mix!

The vegetable I hate the most is... Definitely cauliflower. That shit is NASTY.

I deserve the award for... I don’t know if I’ve done anything worth an award..

Do you have any weird relatives? All of my relatives are weird. In-laws included!

Which do you prefer for exercising, gym or outdoors? Ew, none.

The language I love the most is... I can’t say I’ve ever felt feelings of love towards a language.

If I were a dessert I would be a... Ice cream cone.

The most memorable costume I've worn is... I don’t know!

The best thing about family is... There isn’t much I love about my family, to be honest. I’d trade them in a heartbeat.

My favorite routine is... I’ve been prioritizing keeping the house really neat lately so I love waking up in the morning, getting myself up and dressed, making the bed, and then getting everything neat and put away.

A song that defines me is... Lonely by Akon.

If I were a musical instrument, I would be... That really weird sounding Australian instrument that makes that warble-y sound.

I get overexcited when... I don’t know if I get overexcited. I’m not a kid anymore.

Between texting and calling, I prefer... It depends on the person but if it’s someone I like, I prefer a good chat on the phone/FaceTime. 

A perfect date would be... I love a good breakfast date, followed by garage sailing in the summer or thrifting in the winter!

When I start reading a book and get bored on the second page I... I really don't read!

My favorite amusement park is... I don’t really like amusement parks, tbh!

I wish... I had a mom who actually loved me.

A great honeymoon would be... A tropical vacay, definitely.

My first crush was when I was... 4! I've been boy crazy from the get go.

My first computer was a... Very shitty HP laptop.

For me, freedom means... Not having to answer to anybody.

I would like to travel to... I really wanna go to Colorado for some reason.

A friend I have the most fun with is... My husband!

If I could meet any figure from the past, present or future, I would meet... PRINCESS DIANA. I want all the tea.

What's scarier, clowns or spiders? Spiders. Clowns can’t bite and poison you.

If I had a million dollars, I would spend it on... I’d buy a little house, pay off our cars, and then put the rest into a high interest savings account so we'd never have to work again.

If I could be anywhere else right now, I'd be... I’m good where I'm at thanks!

I learned how to swim when I was... I don’t think I’ve ever learned how to properly swim. I took swimming lessons when I was very young and the teacher forced my head underwater and yelled at me for being upset so I avoided them forever after that.

[jonahxrivas]

"I guess that the best I could hope for. But you'll never be a burden, never have been." Jonah reassured once again, "I do know what I have, and I like this life." He knew there had been times when he kept things to himself, it just stemmed for situations and circumstances, and lately it's been so to not upset Bri. Their conversation of when he returned stuck in a loop in his mind, when he did speak on his worries, on why he left and why he couldn't let her know beforehand. The way fear held words him in a choke-hold, unable to speak so he could function like normal, the nights when he stared blankly up at the ceiling, feeling more alone than ever. He couldn't talk on any of those things, to anyone, not just Bri, it wasn't a matter trust or a feeling of not being understood, but there were no words to express such a thing. "If I could trade, I would, really, it won't ever be a question to ask. Honestly, speaking you'll do better with this life than I will."

He sighed a little, knowing his words fell incorrectly again, "All I want to be is Human, Bri, I believe that I told you a variation of that when I came back. But then, much like now I think, I still can't exactly put stuff correctly. When I told you my fear was dying in this town, you took that as a point against your own being? I do understand why, I did leave with a word, and your feelings and reaction was entirely valid but even after imploring you to think it wasn't the case, that I couldn't say it because I was scared. I couldn't get you to think any different. Which if anything, is a mark against my own ability…or inability to talk properly. I don't know how to change time, I don't know how to make you Human again, I wish I could, like I said, if there was a way to trade, I would in less than a heartbeat. Indisputable fact." He was honest in that. But sometimes, when things got quiet in his head, he could help but wonder if Human is all she saw him as, but those weren't for now. "I know there isn't, and it's not going to happen. Even if something does befall me, I don't think I'm strong enough to take to the change so that'll be it for me."

This did make him laugh a little, knowing the way she had spent many summers with her nose in a book, "I know and again, I'm sorry that that's been taken away from you. But just like how you can see both the benefits and disadvantages to being a Vampire, so can I with being Human in this town. That's all I was trying to say. I fully think, even if safety cannot be guaranteed here, there's still scope for harmony and peace within the residents, Lunar Cove has existed for such a long time afterall. So, there's something good here to believe in." While he couldn't talk on her getting old, and kids and even finding the one, he could, if allowed, make her see her parents again. He had been toying with the idea of bringing his moms here, to see them again since he couldn't bring himself to ever cross the mirage again, but the things that came with doing such a thing required a lot of thought and his mind was set to overdrive to count for every possible scenario that could happen. "Maybe not right now we can't, but I have hope for the future that we can." With a smile that slowly grew, Jonah chuckled, "One? Oh, I'm definitely taking that as a win!"

END.

"And okay. I'll try to be more open? I just don't want to be a burden, I guess?" She admitted quietly followed by a small shrug. "I didn't say it was annoying. I just wish you would see that what you have, even if you may not want it, isn't some short end of the stick, is all. If anything, you have everything I could possible want. But, that's irony for you, isn't it? You have everything I could possible want, but you don't want it and you can't exactly trade with me either," She admitted quietly, feeling sorry for the both of them in that moment.

"I disagree with you there. I see being a human as a good thing. Ronnie sees being human as a good thing. Ben sees being human as a good thing- that's already three people there. So, how can it be an indisputable fact when there are a number of supernaturals who would kill to be able to be human again? And that's not to say I can't understand how hard it can sometimes be being human in this town. I used to be human in this town and it cost me my life. But, I guess the difference is that if you don't want to be human anymore, you don't have to be? You can be a wolf or a vampire if you'd like? I wouldn't hold it against if you do. I just know that I can't go back. I can never be human again, indisputable fact. So, if you really want to change what you are, just make sure that you're certain, okay? Because there isn't any control, alt, delete button."

"You act as though I don't see the appeal of being a vampire? Jonah, you talking to the girl who could practically quote Twilight from start to finish and who gave up her career and life in New York to move to this 'quaint' town for the vampire I fell in love with in the hopes that she could one day turn me and we could live happily ever after. I get the appeal of having super strength, speed and being able to heal in a matter of seconds. I just don't think it's worth the price anymore. And you can not want to be human and that's fine. But, I do. I want to be able to grow old. I want to be able to have the chance to have kids or start a family if I want to down the line. I want to be able to step out into the sun without a ring on without my skin becoming blotching before being set aflame. I want to be able to hug my parents again and tell them that I love them. I want to be able to fall in love with whoever I want and not have to worry about them potentially having to die in order for us to stay together. And you don't have to view your life as something deserving of being envious over, but I am. And you're just going to have to accept that. And we are. On different paths, for sure. But, that doesn't mean I don't love you, Jonah. I just am not sure if we'll ever really see eye to eye on this specific subject. But, okay. Let's go decorate a tree and I'm not that much of a control freak. I'll let you put one bobble out of place. But, only one. Let's not get too crazy over here."

END?

[alberivh]

The gravestone of the wilderness — (scraps)

diluc x gn!reader — fluff, angst, comfort/hurt, death, implied werner syndrome, memory loss.

the second stage of diluc’s life, death and you.

a/n : a very very messy writing which were written by me for 2 days…? please listen to je te laisserai des mots while reading this, it would improve your imagination more <3

oh to be a normal couple. Lying in your frail shoulder, diluc exhales his heavy breathing. Trading the air with a brain of oxygen and beauty of life, he let your hands wrapped to his arm. Soothed his messy-red-hair and hearing the whisper of the freedom. Near the lakes of the winery, stand your figure and diluc seeing the sunset in mesmerized glances. It was a peaceful evening, even the birds seems too peaceful that it hurts your soul. The world isn’t fine, how come everything became so peaceful today?

“diluc, quick question..” , you called out his name. Stealing the sunset gaze from diluc’s eyes. His breathing is heavy, his heartbeat is unexpectedly warm. Yet you found his presence a little bit too cold..and too fragile.

“and..what is it?”

“who’ll die first, me or you?” , the question is simple. Like a sword to a warriors body, straightforward and cut short. You pay no attention to diluc’s tighten grip, avoiding his eye contact is the way you make his answer straight and honest. After all, you only want to hear his intentions, why did he still seek you even after your condition worsened? He could had the chance to escape from your affection 3 months ago but why did he stay? Did he pitied the unknown for not being the best of his life?

“you” cold and strong. His whole sight focused on your eyes. Anxiety fills it, tears could even force itself to leave your eyes if diluc told you how your eyes show everything. He seen through you and for so many time, he predicted your words. I don’t have any days left diluc.., is your favorite line. The one he thought to be a bullshit.

“just as i expected”

“but you do know i’m not your doctor right?”

“i trust my lovers instinct better than the doctors, they’re a bunch of creeps anyways” , the sunset falls to the edge of the winery before you could finish your reply. the infuse, the breathing machines and the ventilators were all beside you, accompanying you these past weeks. it was bothersome to bring them all together, but thanks to diluc, you could felt as if you were alive. and with no essentials-help you are fine.

diluc saw your anxiety trembles to sobs. the sunset was over and thus—began the starry moonlight which bright to the breezing sky of monstadt.

“thank you..diluc…” , you carefully clinge to his arm. Hugging it tightly without letting your infuse disturbed the warm of his body. your fingers gone numb but his warmth, it radiates so much energy and comfort to be alive. tears fall to his jacket, the moonlight was yet to be found and here you are pleading your lover to stay. Even if you’re both better dying off alone.

“dying off young is pretty tragic don’t you think? Like us..”, whispering your thoughts under the darkened sky and to diluc who was staring empty at your eyes. It was quite and clear to be hear in diluc’s ear but maybe he prefers to drown himself to your frail shoulder, so he could escape from the reality you were going out from his lines.

“y’know diluc, if i were alive till the 32 years of your life, i’ll be happy to laid on our deathbed together..” , a not so sappy thought to be precise. But diluc tries to understand from what are you implying to say, he doesn’t want to make himself fooled by the guilt of his past.

“and what makes you say that?”

“diluc we all know that i’m dying, i couldn’t always stay like this can i?” “I just want to be free that’s all..but diluc…i don’t wish for someone to forget about me…i want them to know i’m used to be alive and well, i want them to know i’m in love.” — i want them to know i’m in love with you diluc, i don’t want to leave you behind. I don’t want someone to abandoned me behind. I love you diluc. How many times have i told you that? I lost count.

minutes feels like seconds, under the starry night you felt nothing but warm. The warm of his heart and his radiance, although it seems like a facade to hide from your sharp-vision. He is beautiful. but with diluc’s lips under your dry mouth, You could feel more the presence of his fading-figure. Wandering through his palm, the space of his cold fingers and his salty tears. He was crying out of madness. He was frustrated that he couldn’t been able to save you from your draining thoughts.

the sharp needles inside your infuse feels numb. The breathing tube wasn’t as heavy as before. Diluc lips is the only thing you could feel. Under the moonlight, he drops his devotion to his knees. Hands wrapped to your delicate-fragile self. Under the days he left you behind, he apologize. As Now he is humming your lips with hopeless wishes. His kisses are soft, gentle as the wind. Pyro seems so warm to your cryo vision. Unknown for love and ambition to be bear. so this is how falling in love feels like?

the sunrise have awoken, another day has finally begun. Sitting at the balcony with his brother, reading letters and wishes from his inner family circle. Eyebags have grown to diluc’s glance, even his wrinkles start to form onto his charming face. His hair start to fall out to thin airs, leaving half of the once burning red to a pale-silver colored. Enjoying his time with the breeze of the sun, diluc realizes kaeya standing figure. he must be going somewhere..

“Kaeya where are you going?” , voice gone frail. His voice aren’t as strong as before. Even his flatter organs are better than the rusty voice kaeya heard.

“to visit someone, it’s their birthday afterall..want to join in, good-master di—“

“shut up don’t you say that name again” , crossing the words. He exhales his breath. Giving himself an opportune moment to breath the fresh morning air. He flinch to the song of the birds, watching them fly ti the air while the letters flew to the side of the tables. it was a peaceful day for diluc to rest, but nonetheless..he always forgot them. Them who aren’t here anymore. father..and..who are they again?

“Alright big brother diluc ragnvindr..just sit on your wheelchair and prepare your stuff, we’re going to windrise right now.”

“It’s not vennessa’s birthday kaeya, why’d you want to take me to windrise? Are y—“ cutting diluc’s voice, kaeya managed to give him the usual smug face on his sight. Making diluc seems more uncomfortable by his plan.

“Yeah yeah..just stick your butt on the wheelchair already mister, we’re going now woohoo!” , whistling to excitement diluc found his brother action to be quite..suspicious. The road was smooth, maybe because the land of winery belongs to diluc’s and his bloodlines, no? Windrise wasn’t that far from the winery, maybe it is far for someone like diluc to explore such an area in the first place.

Windrise, the inner nation of freedom. The location of free will and vennessa legacy. But why does it feel so..cliché for diluc to remember? He doesn’t remember anything about windrise. He doesn’t remember anything about dying, he doesn’t even remembered the gravestone in front of him now. The air was fresh. The leaves and flowers which grow from the small-location of the gravestone was unexpectedly beautiful. The name which were craved in it was unreadable, maybe it was..once. But never again it would be readable to diluc’s eye.

“happy birthday (name)..me and diluc is in here to plant some cecilia’s..would you mind? Ah if you do..you could breeze the bells there, please don’t mind diluc, he’s lost right now.” , kaeya pleaded to downfall of the gravestone. Whispering questions and rants for the owner of it to know. The bell rang and under the wing it sang. they gladly appreciate your visit, diluc. Kaeya steal his glance to diluc’s unfocused eyes, it look as if it were questioning every each of it’s memories. Who are they and why does kaeya think of them as one of the part of him?

Planting the seeds of cecilia under the ground of the suspicious gravestone. The Crystalflies even surrounded it with grace, as if they all belong to their first habitat, the gravestone of the wilderness. Who are they and why are their remenance so…beautiful?

“hmhm, goodjob. Thank you for accepting our birthday offer..diluc and i will go now, farewell for now, see you soon” , cleaning the dirt from the gravestone. Diluc once again asked kaeya’s answer. But nothing could be found from his brother mouth, it seems it was hidden for diluc’s sake.

“you’ll recognize them again diluc, sooner or after.”

soon never came. Kaeya wasn’t here, he was already gone from the resident, Taking diluc’s place aren’t that easy after all. pale and unrecognized, diluc came to his once work office which he never touch any longer. Searching for documents for kaeya to read for him later at night. His fingertips are still the same, numb and empty. I lack something but what are they…? This uncureable piece of shit was such a bothersome.

oh..what is this..?

a letter? — opening it with caution, diluc found the sight of something he craves. The writing of those who couldn’t be recognized by his mind, yet the feeling..it was warm. So warm and comfortable, that it even shakes diluc’s empathy.

to, my sweetheart, diluc ragnvindr.

i never knew when would you opened this but i think you opened it few years since i have died. I know the side affects of your ilness. So i wouldn’t mind if you forget me all along. It’s not your fault for leaving your old memories and life behind, your ilness is one of the part of your issues diluc and I totally understand that, better than kaeya, better than adeline or elzer. And if you forget about me, it’s fine. You don’t need to remember me, just read this all along alright?

Diluc, my swetheart. You probably found this crumpled behind your documents. Maybe kaeya would found it first than you do and it wouldn’t be much of a problem for me to bare, after all i’m dead and even if you apologize i wouldn’t dare to say i would forgive you. Cause diluc, i’m hopelessly in love with you. I love you diluc. Even if you forget me, even if you died in your old age and disastrous days, even if you don’t love me any longer. I’ll be very happy if you could still read this letter. Your curiosity is the reason i’m alive for once diluc. Your warm is the reason of my short-recovery diluc. You are everything. And if you forgot, then it’ll be fine. Read this letter everytime you felt lost, because no home without your lover, no? Ah nevermind that’s a shitty joke isn’t it diluc? Hehe

I’m very satisfied with what I’ve achieved in my lifetime. I got to be with you and your family. I feel like i’m apart of them, apart from who i become. I escape and i’m alright. I’m alive and it’s all because of you diluc. I’m happy. Very happy. But one thing i couldn’t regret more is the fact i couldn’t marry you and tell my devotions to the crowds. I want you foreve diluc, but our time is short enough for each other sake. Fate was cruel, but it’s fair and merciful. It gave us a time to met each other and i’m thankful.

So diluc, whenever you feel lost. Feel free to found me in the crystalflies and in the starry night of the winds. Whenever you need me, i’ll be there. just so let you know i’m the donor of your heart, please don’t regret the fact i’m sharing my life with you. I’m happy to know you are alive, diluc. As long ad you enjoyed your days and live a well-long life, i’ll be happy to give you my everything. I might couldn’t give you this year, but here. Open this envelope, it’s a present. For what exactly? For your own love, diluc. Accept it, would you? I don’t mind if you wouldn’t, but if you want to wear it, feel free to use it.

I’m very happy to be alive diluc, i love you.

The letters ended and so do his tears scroll through his cheeks. The crystalflies in the gravestone. Oh it’s you all along..? Why didn’t you cry out of regret? Are you happy for what diluc became? Are you, my dear…? He was scared of letting you loved him again. He deserve nothing but your hatred. The envelope, it was fill with your charm bracelet. The matching bracelet you used to talk with diluc.

The gravestone, the cecilia’s..? Aren’t those the promises diluc made before? i’ll grow garden of hundreds cecilia’s with you. But he forgot. Your existance are nothing to him anymore, he lost his senses, he lost everything. This heart..your heart. It was pounding rapidly, it even showed diluc emotions again. He was crying in pain. He was crying in sorrow. Oh god, i wish i’m not that weak. I wish i still love you the same as how those letter told me. Darling, will you love me again? No response. He was truly out of his mind to forget the ones who bring his dimmed eyes back alive. So once again he confesses, falling to his knees as he begged for his mind to remembered you.

The days have past so did you died in his eyes. Casket opened and emptied with your body, cecilia all over the ground. You are dead and yet the pounding heart of yours are the result of love. Strokes his body with empty thoughts, he began to murmured again his love.

your heart..it’s warm, My dear.

TAGLIST : @mikachuchu , @zierx, @childeluv @urujiako , @chichikoi , @noirkkat , @aphrodicts-imagination

[byorder-fanfic]

How They Look After You When it Gets Bad: Tommy

Preference Masterlist

Requested by anonymous

Warnings: Reader going through a hard time, jealousy, doubts

Word count: 1407

Author’s Note: I really hope this is alright! In all honesty, I'm not a huge fan of Tommy but I really tried to do this well! And okay maybe I was a little harsh on him but I did try and make it sweet at the end. I hope you enjoy it and I'm wishing you all my best

(Gif by @manie-sans-delire-x) (it was really hard to choose a gif for him cause he always looks so mentally distressed)

You always said Tommy was a control freak. He always denied it, of course, hating any opinion that strayed from his own self-image. It took a bite of your lip to prevent the comeback of that proving your point. He wouldn't listen to you- he was, after all, a control freak. Maybe it was because of the war, or simply because with a chaotic family like the Shelbys at least one of them had to try and maintain order. You supposed it was because of the horses. Horses needed to be controlled, didn't they? They needed human hands to brush their manes and clear their hooves and make their iron shoes, they needed leather between their teeth to keep them on their path and jockeys had those whips to spur them on. You thought that maybe if the rest of the world were horses, Tommy would have an easier time. Who knows why he even decided to go into all this business and politics when it, at its very heart, was surrounded by people. But he couldn't make an empire from horses. Maybe he could keep this manor and expand the betting shop to keep his family working and wealthy, but he would just be a lord in his manor. Like that Lady Carleton that he fancied.

You had to bite the inside of your cheek to stop a snigger at the thought of your Tommy living in the stables for the rest of his life, knowing that an expression of anything other than complete concentration would get you a stern telling off. Despite the threat, you looked up from your paperwork. Tommy was at the head of the desk, the smoke from his cigarette trailing around his head like a phantom crown and a pensive look on his face as he rested against his hand. The portrait of the black mare stood behind him, giving him the imposing look of a king. Hell, he was a king, wasn't he? And that made you the regent ruler- the conditional monarch. You wondered if he thought of May Carleton sometimes when he looked at you. Or maybe he thought of Greta, or Grace, or Lizzie, or Jessie or, Christ, maybe even Alfie fucking Solomons for all you knew. Lizzie said he used to fuck her face down so he could think of someone else. Maybe you were a business partner in all things, someone transactional and useful. Maybe you were a horse. He told you what to do, didn't he? He guided you like he were stood behind, holding you by the reigns. The king of all he has, even his own partner. Even you. Even the ghosts in his head that he wouldn't talk about. He never talked about much to be honest. Just sat like he did now, all thoughtful and noble. A pretty deceiving face. You wanted to ask him, to bear your heart and let him reassure you. But he wouldn't like that. And Tommy was a control freak. 

You got back to your papers, thinking you might as well do something whilst you're here. But the buzzing in your mind didn't stop biting at your thoughts, it didn't stop a tremble as you swooped your pen over the page, and it didn't stop the way your knee bounced under the desk. It was a subtle motion, the kind that was obscured and easily hid. It was something you couldn't stop doing in your nervous state, so it was something that'd have to be secret. Tommy had a plan for today: do all the paperwork, have a little chat about the business, get a drink, and then he'll fuck you. That's what he said he'd do, and Tommy like to stick to his plans. That bloody control freak. That king of the castle that left you powerless and petty as you couldn't even bounce your knee without feeling some scorn for his stupid bloody petty-

"Stop doing that."

His voice was cold as his eyes, an iciness that made you freeze with your knee mid-bounce.

"Stop what?" You gave a tilt of your head, gauging this out of him. You wanted him to admit it. If you couldn't say it, then he might as well do.

He gave a little huff, the cigarette smoke following the action like a bull breathing from its nostrils.

"Stop bouncing your knee."

How the hell could he tell? Maybe those superstitious lot were right about the Shelbys having something intrinsically magic and devilish about them.

"Why?"

Pettiness wasn't your thing, but here you were. Tommy sighed deeply, sitting back in his seat and looking at you with a raised eyebrow. He thought you were challenging him.

"Cause I asked you to."

Ah yes, the king's orders must be met. Even by you, supposedly his equal. But who gave the regent title? Who shared his power with you?

You looked up, giving your most argumentative look, dropping you pen onto the paper. He flinched, ever so slightly, telling you the ink must have spilt onto the paper. As if these documents weren't just ink on paper anyways.

"Why the fuck do I have to do what you asked?"

He tilted his head to the side now, eyebrows raised in complete shock. In return, you scraped your seat back on the floor so that he could see you and the knee you were bouncing. The buzzing in your mind still continued, but now there was that little sick joy in defying Tommy that helped ease the insecurity.

"If you're going to act like a child-"

He was going to make a long list of threats, you knew it, but you cut him off with a laugh.

"Please, Tom, you're the one whose acting like a child." His lips pursed in the same argumentative way as when you told him he was a control freak. "You're the one who insists on routines and plans and not bouncing my fucking knee!"

"Christ, not this again Y/N." His hand smoothed over his creased face, looking so tired of this. So tired of you.

"Who do you see when you look at me?" You asked, making him stop completely. You saw the cogs in his mind turning as he tried to understand the words you were saying. Despite everything, you were quite proud at your little victory of rendering Thomas Shelby speechless. "Lizzie said you used to see Grace or Greta when you came to her. Who do you see for me, huh?" He was shaking his head, words at the tip of his silver tongue that you wouldn't let spill quite yet. "Cause it ain't me, is it? Otherwise I could do what I damn well pleased, like bounce my fucking knee! Or spend a day doing what I want, not this fucking paperwork and fuck you like I'm some whore you're paying to fuck someone else!" You stood up from your chair, towering over him as you leaned over the desk. "I won't have it. I won't."

Something in him seemed to shift. Not soften necessarily, just change ever so slightly. Tommy too stood up from his desk taking a few careful strides around the desk until he just in front of you.

"Come here." Being the control freak he was, Tommy was the one that wrapped his arms around you first, pulling you towards his chest. You easily let him, always feeling slightly safe at the way he handled you like this. He smelled like smoke and booze and mint leaves, but you wouldn't trade your place nuzzling your nose against his neck for anything. You never thought of anyone else except Tommy- why couldn't he do the same?

"I think of you, love." He muttered, voice still calm and undisturbed. "I always think of you. At work, at home, at the fucking stables. You're always on my mind." 

You were still close to him, hearing his heartbeat and wishing you had the ability to sniff out bullshit like the rest of the Shelbys could.

"I know I'm a bit of a control freak, alright? But I'm yours."

You weren't certain if it was his confession of possession, or the admittance of his neurotic behaviour that made you lean back and look at him with the biggest grin you could muster. Your hands found their way to the side of his jaw, bringing him closer to you.

"All fucking mine." 

[butmakeitgayblog]

“Craved her fury, and her darkness, every bit as much as she craved her light.”

So how is Lexa gonna feel now that all Clarke’s light is gone (is it?) and all that’s left is fury? I thought that part of what Lexa loved about Clarke was her humanity - and Clarke sacrificed her humanity and her light- the best parts of herself to be with Lexa. As a demon. I’m sure Lexa will have a lot of feelings about that. On Clarke’s behalf, I get it. Her Dad was her light and grace. Once he was gone, all Christianity ever did in her life was belittle her and cause her pain, and cast out the person she loved from Heaven, but made her keep her grace and become a demon. God was horribly cruel to Lexa who was trying to save everyone. So yeah, I get why Clarke would choose Lucifer, but the cost! (Oh, Clarke.)

I love your fic. Especially COA, Demon Lexa, and CI. Absolutely love them. It makes my day whenever I see that you’ve posted a new chapter. Thanks for sharing your stories with us!

I'm gonna try and tread lightly here because so much of this is spoilers 😅

But what I want to kind of redirect you to is like, for instance, look at Luna. A demon in exactly the same sense as Clarke is now, and how was she really? While Lexa wrote her off as just a nasty demon hybrid (oh the irony Lexa), Clarke said she was always prefectly pleasant with her. That she was always friendly and easy to get along with. And when she helped Clarke, she still took the time to (admittedly bluntly) tell Clarke her concerns about her decision. Yeah she was snarky, but also, Lexa has always only ever been a grade A bitch to her so it's hard to blame her being like "you're doing this for her? Really? Her. Alexandria "Hey Mutt" D'Angelo or WhateverFakeNameShesUsingThisCentury? You're sure?... Her?"

But she still helped.

For me that conveyed caring about Clarke on a certain level. And more over, she did give her advice on what to do and watch out for. Was honest in her intimating that while she regrets pieces of her trade, she would do it again in heartbeat. After all, Luna made her decision based on love too, so she does understand.

And those things don't come from a demon who is devoid of all humanity, or caring, or light. Hell, even for non-demons, those things are ultimately a choice 👀

[otakusheep15]

SFW Alphabet - Simeon

This man seriously owns my entire heart. Like, I would trade all of the brothers just to be with him, no questions asked lmao

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Surprisingly, he’s not that affectionate. Well, at least not physically. He enjoys spending time with you and being in the same room, but he hardly ever craves psychical affection like the brothers do. The farthest he usually goes is hand-holding and maybe a little hand kiss too, but he rarely goes beyond that unless he’s feeling especially clingy that day. Just being near you is enough for him really. 

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Friendship with him can go one of two ways. He’d either baby you like he does with Luke, or lowkey bully you like he does with Lucifer, no in between. It really depends on how you are as a person and how he sees you. If he sees you as someone who needs protecting and is a bot more on the childish side, you’ll totally be another Luke to him. And if you’re someone whose more on the opposite end of that spectrum, calm, composed, serious, he’ll treat you more like he does Lucifer. But he loves you all the same. 

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

Cuddling is probably the one exception to the lack of physical affection. He loves nothing more than to curl up next to you in bed after a long day of dealing with RAD, Luke, and Solomon’s “cooking”. He especially loves laying his head on your chest so that he can listen to your heartbeat. It just calms him down and reminds him that you’re really here with him. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Man is the definition of malewife (besides Barb), so of course he’s amazing at any kind of chore. He’s also gotten quite good at household chores after having to take care of Luke for so long. And, trust me, he would love to settle down with you. Maybe Luke could come along too? That would be ideal. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

He’d be super gentle about it. The last thing he wants is to make the situation any worse than it’s gonna get, so he breaks the news as calmly as possible. If the situation did somehow escalate, he would try is best to get everything under control lest someone get hurt (physically or emotionally). 

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

As much as he’d love to get married, he also wants to take it slow. He understands that relationships need time to develop, so he wants to wait until both of you are absolutely sure before going any further. After all, marriage is a big commitment to an angel, so it’s important that everything is perfect. 

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

He is so gentle. Like, he’s the best when it comes to care. Maybe it’s just his instincts as an angel, but he feels the need to protect you from any harm whatsoever. He always makes sure he has permission before touching you anywhere, and he’s constantly checking up on you and making sure you’re feeling well. really, he just wants you to feel as comfortable as possible with him.  

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

He likes hugs, but he doesn’t give them out too often. It’s almost always you who goes to him for hugs first unless he’s in a really good mood. But he’ll never deny anyone who does want a hug, especially you (and Luke). 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Honestly, he probably waits a while before saying it. In fact, you might end up being the one to say it first. He wants to take things slow, and the last thing he wants is to make you feel rushed by saying it too quickly. He loves you very much, and you’re both highly aware of that, but actually saying the words takes time for him. 

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

Surprisingly, he gets really jealous really easily. Not so surprisingly, he’s very good at hiding it. He just hates how much time you spend with the brothers, and he’ll use anything to get you to come over. His most common excuses usually involve either Luke or Solomon needing supervision and him needing help with that. He never means to guilt trip or gaslight, but he lowkey might if it means getting you to him quicker.  

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

He is a sucker for for hand kisses, both giving and receiving. They’re just so romantic to him, and they don’t take much effort either. His kisses, regardless of where they are, are super loving and romantic. All he wants to do is sweep you off your feet and make you feel loved. 

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

*cough*Luke*cough* All jokes aside, he does really love children. He just loves how innocent and joyful they can be, and he loves how they speak their minds since most don’t have a filter. The chaos they can get into is also an added bonus, even if it can be a hassle to clean up afterwards. 

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Mornings can go one of two ways. The preferred way is you two waking up around the same time and just staying in bed for a couple hours enjoying each other’s company. These mornings are usually filled with sweet words and soft touches. The other, less preferred way, is absolute chaos. It doesn’t matter if you stay at the HoL or PH, there will be chaos. And one (or both) of you is going to have to fix it. 

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

He tends to stay up late working, so you can either go to bed and he’ll join later, or you can stay up with him. Either way, he’ll try and finish up as quickly as possible so that he can curl up with you in bed. If his day was especially stressful, he’ll hold you close to him and rant about all of his worries. Side note: please pet his hair, he deserves it. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

He’s actually pretty open with you, which is kinda surprising. I mean, he does have his secrets he’d much rather keep, but who doesn’t. However, he also knows the value of trust in a relationship, so he tries his hardest to be open and honest with you as possible. He hopes that you’ll do the same as well. 

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

The freakin definition of patience. He’s dealt with so much throughout his life, so he’s grown to have an amazing temperament. Of course he can get annoyed (*cough*the play*cough*) but he does so well at controlling it most of the time. This patience is specifically applied to you and Luke. You could literally murder someone and he probably still wouldn’t be mad. 

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He’d remember most of what you say, but he’d hardly ever utilize it like some of the brothers do. He’ll use the information in more subtle ways. You mention. a certain flavor of cake you like? He makes sure Luke makes some during hsi next baking session. Any shows you enjoy? He may not watch them depending on the length, but he’ll do some research on them so that he can talk to you about it. 

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

His favorite memory is this one time you came over to bake with Luke. Luke, precious thing, was trying out this new recipe, and he was super excited about it. But, of course, Solomon had to come in and mess everything up and now the kitchen and half the house is a mess. Luke is super upset, Solomon is lowkey enjoying it, and Simeon is there watching the world burn around him. And through it all, you stayed there and helped them clean up even when you didn’t have to. He just found it so sweet that you took the time to help Luke and also the rest of the Hall as well. It ended up being a fun day even if he did scold Solomon for hours afterwards. 

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

He’s decently protective, but that’s mostly is angelic instincts. Angels have that natural instinct to protect humans, so he had that urge even before you two became a thing. And that urge only became stronger as you two got closer. However, his protection comes in more subtle ways, like most of his gestures. Someone getting a bit too close to you? He’ll put his arm about you and slowly back you away. The brothers are fighting again? He’ll step in front of you to make sure you’re not caught in the cross-fire. 

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Like pretty much everything else, he’s much more subtle with his dates. He prefers more lowkey options, like a picnic or just hanging out in either his room or yours. You guys never do anything over-the-top, and he likes it that way. 

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He tends to prioritize others over himself a lot, and he’s been trying to work on it for a while. And, obviously, he’s terrible with tech. I honestly have no clue how he’s survived this long not knowing how a D.D.D. works past the basics.  

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He’s naturally pretty, so he doesn’t need to care. Jokes aside, he isn’t one to particularly care for his looks. He does want to look nice and presentable, but it isn’t usually a top priority compared to someone like Asmo or Mammon. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

WIthout a doubt. He tends to get attached to people very easily, and you’re no exception. Once you two being getting close, it’s over for him. From then on, he’s attached to you. If something were to happen to you, he would simply cease to exist. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He and Michael totally had something going on at one point. Maybe they still have something going on. Hell, maybe even Luci was involved at one point. I have no clue where this idea came from, but it’s in my head and so now all of you are being subjected to it as well. 

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

People who dislike Luke are a big no for him. Sorry, they’re a package deal. You want him? Well, now you have a child too.  

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

He tends to make noises in his sleep. It’s not really cohearent words or anything, more just like light snores and stuff. Kinda like a dog when it really gets into a dream, ya know? 

[crab-instruments]

Dust in the Wind Part 8 (tbb)

Master <Part 7 Part 9>

Pairing: Hunter x Secret Jedi! Reader (GN)

Rating and warning: General audience, panic/stress (minimal)

Words: 1.5k

a/n: haha well we don't have time to unpack all that finale, so here's an update of this instead. Fresh off the press and yeeted to tumblr. I'm thinking the next update will have some cool stuff. I hope.

Image credit in the notes

When your eyes opened, you laid there for a bit, taking in the events of yesterday and what some sleep had done to clear the mind. You must have slept well, not even remembering the dreams you had or stirring when others got up, as only Hunter and you were left in the bunks. This was based on assumption by reaching out using the Force, at least, as you hadn’t moved an inch yet.

Being with the Batch had made it easy to settle back into your ‘old life’ or maybe just who you really were, a force user. You were becoming more comfortable, but if you were being honest with yourself, that was a scary thought. It would make leaving so much harder.

You slowly started to move, careful to keep quiet, putting your feet on the cold metal floor. The ship buzzed and hummed through your feet, accentuating the dull pain in your muscles, but the pain had an odd nostalgic feel, something you would be used to after a mission.

Echo, Crosshair, and Wrecker were all out in the main cabin as you approached, all still sleepy, though the sniper was better at hiding it.

Echo handed you a cup and you presumed he said something along the lines of ‘mornin’ but your brain was still fuzzy, not used to the amount of sleep you got. You looked at the contents of the cup; caf that had a stale smell to it and enough water to have your reflection look back at you. Still, you drank it all in one go and then turned to back to the Clone who gave it to you. “Thank you, that was the worst caf I’ve ever had, and I’ve never been more grateful for it.”

Echo chuckled; a small smirk spread across his face. “I see you slept well. Surprised to see Sarg still in bed.” You cocked your head, not sure what he was getting at.

“He is usually up first, not able to sleep when people start waking up,” Wrecker filled in.

“It might have something to do with having more people sleeping comfortably,” Tech had walked from the cockpit. “He has said that when there’s more resting heartbeats around him, he is calmer. He was worried about Maxis so possibly having them closer helped him relax.” Tech had kept his voice even when speaking, but it still felt like there was a hint of something.

“What are you—”

“I came back here to let you know we will be landing soon, and someone should wake Hunter.” He turned around before you could address what you wanted.

Echo had grabbed another cup of caf and handed it out for you to take. “Maxis, would you mind? I have a few other things to do and you’re closer.” You squinted your eyes in skepticism at the Clone for a moment, before taking the cup and walking back to the bunks, making a mental note to corner those two and figure out what they were scheming.

Once you crossed the threshold of the room, you slowed down in front of where Hunter was laying. He had fallen asleep on his stomach, his arms under his pillow, and his face turned away from the wall. No bandana in his hair, you could see how thick his locks are, almost a little envious. Really, it suited him, and he knew it. You lowered yourself to the floor, taking a moment to just study his sleeping face. So calm and handsome, in this state you couldn’t see how much the war had taken its toll on him. It was something you could get used to—

“Mesh’la, staring is impolite.” You would never… ever… admit what his sleepy morning voice did to you in that moment. His voice startled you, sloshing some caf onto the floor. He hadn’t yet opened his eyes when he addressed you, but they stared straight through you now.

Say something! “Um… sorry, I didn’t mean… We just… We’re going to be landing soon.” Smooth, about as smooth as this caf.

Hunter chuckled, amused at the effect he had on you in that moment. Slowly he sat up, swinging his legs carefully over the side of the bunk. You had stood up and took a step back to give him space but were still more or less frozen.

“Is… one of those cups for me? Or do you just really enjoy the dirt caf…”

“Oh, right.” You held out the cup, certainly not loving every second he touched your hand. Holy kriff, you needed to get a grip on your life, or you were going to lose your mind. “Uhm, I’ll just…” you looked back to the doorway but then back at him. “Wait, mesh’la?”

A look of surprise took over Hunter’s face for a hot second before a smile took its place. He shook his head, and responded, “It’s Mando’a, I’ll have to teach you some day.” He stood up and walked past you to the main cabin, obviously still avoiding giving a real answer.

“But that doesn’t… what does it mean?” Hunter had already weaved his way through the ship, leaving you wondering. Maybe I’ll ask Tech about the best way to learn a new language.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Under the ship, you checked and cleaned the landing gear. It had seen better days and probably hadn’t even been washed since the Republic. You worked meticulously, finally able to show more of what you could do now that you didn’t have the possibility of needing a quick escape. The soreness that swam through your muscles sang loudly while you focused, it was clear you needed a break.

Two shadows, one much larger than the other, closed in on the area. Omega didn’t need to crouch all that much as she approached, Wrecker waiting by the side of the ship. “Hey Maxis, you should take a break. Wrecker and I were about to go get our Mantell Mix. It’s a tradition, we get some after every mission.”

You stopped working for a moment. “I didn’t really… I wasn’t a part of the mission. But—”

“You protected the ship from four troopers, I’d say that’s enough to get some Mix.” Wrecker said, with a bit of pride.

“Ah yeah, I guess. Let me put this piece back on and we can go.”

Crawling out from the ship, you wiped the dirt of your pants. Something about Ord Mantell always stuck to you though, but that was a part of its charm. Or that’s what you say to convince yourself. You had explored the market a bit, to pick up supplies and replacements for maintenance, but never really experienced it.

As Omega led the way, you asked, “what exactly is Mantell Mix?”

“Only the best treat in the entire galaxy,” Omega looked back at you, very excited.

“Well, when you mostly have rations, anything would be a treat. Very low bar. I think I’m more concerned about the name, Mantell Mix. A mix of what? Grime and overpriced goods?”

“I think adventure and a hint of sweetness is more like it.”

You chuckled. “Always good at the positive spin, Omega. That’s a good quality.” She beamed.

Once the food was acquired, you could only eat so much of it before deciding that Omega had lied about the ‘hint of sweetness’. But you did your best to show gratitude in being included.

The three of you decided to wander around the open-air shops. You ended up looking at some unrefined gems on display. Not something you would usually stop to look at, but something about the display caught your attention. A crystal, somewhat clear but had a red hue, stuck out.

“See something you like?”

“What… is this?” You pointed to the crystal. “And where did you get it?”

“Ahh, I’m not sure. I travel and trade quite a bit, unfortunately, and don’t remember much about every piece. But if it is to your liking, you should have a closer look.” The owner had a creepy facial expression, you were unsure if they were trying to just sell the item or if they had other motives. But what other motives could they have?

You reached for the crystal but could only hold it for a second due to the extreme pain and pressure you felt from it. Another force echo. Luckily, you pushed yourself out of it quick, only getting a brief glimpse of the horrible feeling, but it stuck to you, sitting heavy on your shoulders. A reminder of the past.

It was a kyber crystal, a synthetic one specifically. This one had been used by a Sith or an apprentice of one, having such a dark and evil aura around the force echo. It made you sick and scared. Suddenly, it felt like all eyes were on you, walls closing in. Fear crept into your mind.

“I’m s-sorry, I have to-… to go.” You swiftly made your way back to the Marauder, leaving Omega and Wrecker behind. The corner you hid in after your fight with the troopers felt like the perfect fit for you at that moment. You curled up in a ball as tightly as you could and hummed to yourself.

It took a while, but everyone made their way back and Hunter was discussing about their next mission that would take place in a few rotations.

Part 9

________________________________________________________________

Notes:

Mando'a: I assume if you're reading this, you know, but here's a link anyway.

Synthetic Lightsaber/Kyber crystal: One of my favorite things I learned about lightsabers is that the Sith used synthetic crystals and synthetic crystals are normally red, leading to the Sith having mostly red lightsabers. I don't know if that's still considered canon anymore, but for me it is. Image credit

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