#i would say my art but that wouldnt feel too different from branding

[croissantk]

Hrrmgrg thinking about changing my icon on here

[mikkock]

Hey hi your murder mystery art is super totally cool and amazing and I'd like to Extra! Extra! hear all about it *rattles bells*

haha wow i cant believe ud ask me THIS! unbelievable! now im gonna have to make a long post!

all info under the cut cause im kind like that ♥

For reasons I felt like making a Fancy Ass murder mystery story, with you know, hella complex secret storylines and everyone having drama and shit, and one person died but the more the story goes the less people care about who did the murder and the more they want tHE JUICY DETAILs. X and Y had an afFAIR you say!!! well that’s thousands time more interesting than that murder that happened, who cares about the culprit its not like any of us are going anywhere anyway! tell me more about the marital issues!

The ultimate Vibes are Clue (the game, ya kno, it had a movie too, and that movie was shot with three different endings -fun fact- so that movie theatres could play one alternatively that way people wouldnt get spoiled or even if they did they would not get the ending they were spoiled or even if all three were spoiled you couldnt know which ending you were getting anyway, big dick move, cause its an old movie and film is expensive, also that movie stupid and campy, ALSO I ONLY LEARNED MAKING THIS AU THAT IN ENGLISH THE GAME’S CALLED “CLUE” wE CALL IT CLUEDO therefore my wip playlist is called cluedo. because. fuck it.)(i just have an emotional attachment to that game i even had a cd rom video game version and it was the spookiest shit for a 6 years old, trust me, i played it so much tho i didnt even understand the rULES i was just making scenarios like gathering the characters in rooms n making conversations outloud cause honestly the banter is the best part of a murder mystery) ANYWAY that sure is a whole paragraph of tangent. 

BUT YE the inspo from the Clue game. you can tell it from the Colours obviously, everyone’s colour codded.(even everyone’s name is colours as well you’ll see it’s real dang fancy! im just remaking that game but with 2932020 characters and more behind the scenes drama and also for gay people.)

So BASIC PLOT!

Sir Belyy, the dude in white, is The Rich Powerful Respected Fancy Boss, and he throws a Fancy Reception Party with his closest friends and associates to celebrate the opening of a new branch of his business. All the lads gather in his wonderful little very isolated mansion in the middle of nowhere, like ok he got a death wish or something or he’s very trusting of his business partners, but not a good move, cause in the middle of the reception, as A Phat Storm Starts (for plot convenience, we going with a campy vibe if you couldnt tell), his body is found, it’s awful, there’s a killer on the loose! All the guests gather, and attempt to maybe contact the authorities, to not avail, since The Storm ya know, phone lines are Broken my dude. Its clear that the culprit is among them, since no one could have entered the house, or left it (cuz once again, ThE sTORm). And then it’s all about interrogating each other, distrust, alliances and betrayal, revealing one’s deepest secrets when they form an alibi and revealing someone else’s deepest secret for they could be a motive! Meanwhile there’s a dead body in the mansion just chillin there. 

.

So as I mentioned, I changed everyone’s name to be colour related (or ya know, food or flowers of that colour cause sometimes a colour in a language would not work as a name given the way names work in that culture all that jazz) which is the trippiest thing cause tHATS NOT YALLS USUAL NAMES but its fun (also changed so many ages hgfhs it was a trip)(still no one’s really old i guess i got boomerphobia). The “Cast” is clearly the most important part, and if ur a True “My OCs” Connaisseur (hdfghd the most useful skill to have, knowing *MY* Charactersdshgd) you may have recognised some faces and can already read some vibes and predict who will be progressing the plot and who will be yelling at people throwing accusations ghdfgd.

(god i wish i hadnt slacked off making the portraits of everyone in that AU i only have 3 tho that’s so sad so ill just make little sketches just cause <3 only text??? i got too many hoes with no attention span for that)

.

Sir BELYY (the one who dIEs lmao)

(bust shot missing the fact that this man is the tallest beefiest lad around)

Intimidating, powerful, composed, wealthy, carries the name of a family who has generations of control to it’s reputation, he’s The Man that hoes who believe in the economy wishes they were. As in, the “self made” man who only just happened to benefit from having a wealthy background to uplift his plans. In his youth, he wanted to prove his worth, seperated himself from his father, started a business, that business became big, then got attached to the family’s business, bam back to square one but with Reputation now. There seemed to be VERY big tension between him and The Father, some speculate it had to do with his unknown mother, and some family drama there, and it never got resolved as old man Belyy died quite young (the jUICY speculations are that current sir Belyy mURDEREd old man sir Belyy, fucked up if true!). People love him though in general, as he has that reputation of “Cold Lad With a Gold Heart” aka he takes people under his wings, donates, doesnt treat his employees like the absolute worst garbage etc... you know, he’s rich and a half decent person, so obviously he’s an angel on earth. But does it matter though, he’s dead! that’s the concept of the story!  

Mr.GRAY (the grey guest)(who could have guessed from the name)

He’s one of Sir Belyy’s oldest employees, and benefits from a high rank in the company. But, sadly for him, he’s been stagnating lately, as newer, youngest employees seem to have Belyy’s favours, and are his prefered associates for important tasks and positions. Therefore he has Some Bitterness, Some Salt, Some Distaste, some unbriddled but professionally muted hatred for Specific people in the company. He can be an antagonistic figure, but the amount of time he spent in Belyy’s circle grants him an immense quantity of information about the man, but mostly, about his business. Anything about the company’s history, dealings, operations, he’s aware of, either having been told of them, or having snooped around to obtain, immune to being questioned due to his legitimacy in the company.

Mr.LIM (the green guest)

Remember when it was said that Gray had beef with some employees cause they were younger and rose to high ranks faster than him and became Belyy’s favourite over him? Yeah well here comes the one he hates the most for that (ofc he’s belyys fave cuz he’s Mine <3) Our lad caught Belyy’s attention for his Exploits in like, em fancy high school tournaments of smart people, it’s a thing its ridiculous, making kids compete on Smart stuff for the pride of their schools n shit, well homie Lim got clout when doing that, and Belyy was extremely interested cause that kid’s main thing was how “this young lad got mad strategic skills tf are u a war general or smth how fancy”, and that’s a coveted skill for ruthless business. So as soon as the kid is an adult, bam, join the company my dude. And because he’s just that Cool n Sexy ofc he met the expectations Belyy had, and old man Belyy got attached cuz it do be such a young lad, a kid, mentally i am adopting. That’s how you get a youngas employee becoming the right hand man of one the phatest CEO in a few years, and even make your way into being a Good Lad on top of a business partner. And that’s how you get Gray to hate your ass too. Now though, fine lad with mad strategic skills, rising to power that fast, and even infiltrating Belyy’s private life? If I were Gray I’d call suspicion there’s surely some shady stuff going no way we’re just dealing with a nice fella who just happens to work good and be friendly to the boss right?

Herra MUSTA (the black “guest”)

Belyy’s newest butler, assistant, house keeper, he multitasks. His family has been tied to Belyy’s for generations, fullfilling roles of help, but also of confidents. He’s been the head butler since only a short time, after his mother passed, and as such is still “in training” you could say, despite having served the family his whole life. There are rumours going around that the contract tying his family to the Belyys may end on his generation and need to be resigned. He known the manor by heart, and carries all keys to any locked room (and mostly, The Master Key, cause in an old house, some doors may be locked beyond all still existing keys). He also knows secrets of the family that no one else knows, but good luck getting em out of him, he’s under contract not to divulge em bro.

Mr. HASSEL (the brown guest)

Belyy’s childhood friend. They grew up together, pictured their dreams together, sworn to flourish together, worked together when starting the company, and then Hassel felt he should create his own thing instead of depending on his friend’s existing wealth, and while Belyy’s business went wild, his never took off. They still stayed very close, despite the massive difference in wealth. Belyy considers him his closest friend, the one person he can trust (fucked if hassel did the murder lemme tell u). So of course, he’s still always invited to the Prestigious meet ups where’s he’s free to feel uncomfortably out of place amongst all the rich and powerful people that he could have been a part of had he had a tiny bit of luck and a small loan from a wealthy relative...People LOVE saying he’s still hanging out with Belyy so much to leech off his wealth, cause of course they do! His bestie status means he has a whole different brand of information of Belyy than his butler does, the Most Intimate Stuff, the Childhood Stuff. The Juicy stuff ya kno...But Bro Code, its all secrets...

Sir RUZH (the red “guest”)

Deep dive into Belyy’s personnal history, the man has many employees working at his house keeping it working, clean, ya know the vibe. They live on the premice, one has a kid who’s just a Joy to be around, all the employees just vibe with that lad, he’s just a born socialite you know? Belyy gets to meet the kid, and also hella vibes with him. And because human are influenced by their feelings, he gives the kid’s mum a bit of a preferencial treatment, in the tasks she fullfils and all, til he gives her an important-as mission, and then there’s an accident n mama dies, and now Belyy got guilt and there’s this kid who just Vibes. So naturally the move is to take the kid in, and play on how his vibes are just so clean, and raise him to be the Perfect Entertainer for guests, bam, its soft power propaganda, if everyone loves your now son’s vibes, they associate them with you too. And also that’s kind of a clean rep, the selfless man who adopted his employee’s son to not have him fall to the streets, how heartwarming. Not at all traumatising for the kid too I bet! But anyway now the lad is just the most charming young adult, mission accomplished. He’s always present at any reception, ready to work his people-pleasing magic, and then going back to a gigantic empty manor to wait for the next and curate the perfect vibes to meet the expectations of dad. On the plus side, he knows everyone, and those who don’t know him cannot wAIT to, he’s just got that aura ya know. People skills for miles, and the insider knowledge that comes with being the son of the CEO, all this hidden behind the personna of the fresh innocent bashful party lad. 

Dr.FEN (the pink guest)

Do not get mistaken by the title, he’s no doc, he will not diagnose you with anything, he just studied long enough to get the sexy title. Study in what? Haha. Nothing shady. Just toxicology. He’s a world reknown poison expert basically, that’s his main thing. Oh but don’t worry, of course studying substances that may kill people is only for finding out how to cure them from it of course. What brings him in this circle? Simple, Belyy may or may not have started to suffer some weird illness that no doctor has been able to find the source, let alone cure, of. Him and Dr.Fen had met previously on some event, cause some rich man also love flexing how smart they are and attending sciencey shit, and he was contacted as sort of a shot in the dark. The lad does know how to treat some things, maybe he can treat The Mysterious Unwellness, since no traditional doctor was able to. He knows science, he’s trustworthy, bam, you’re hired to work on My Case Exclusively. Thanks to this, Dr.Fen has access to the whole health history of Belyy and his family, to many mANY dangerous substances, and also has The Respect of the hoes at the party. He HAS a doctorate after all. Epitome of knowledge. And he’s a kind to people and he wears pink like dang how can you nOT pour your wHOLE trust in him. 

Sir MOREVITCH (the blue guest)

Youngest son of an affluent family, who used to be close the the Belyys. The two families fell slightly appart after the death of the previous head of the family on the Belyy side, as they do nOT vibe with the current one (well current, til the first night of the story ig). But, unbeknownst to all, one strong link had been kept, between the youngest of the Morevitch, who dislikes his family and wishes to emancipate himself from them while also assuring his depart will not throw him basically in the streets, and our beloved Sir Belyy, who also dislikes the Morevitches but loves to see the rebellious energy of the young one (and ya know, my enemy’s enemy’s my friend or however you say that). So Belyy’s basically offering tips and helping Morevitch plant himself safely out of his family’s grasp, but it’s all taking quite some time isn’t it, slow and steady is fine until your parents try to arrange a wedding to secure more political power, and suddenly it is all quite urgent that you escape that situation because No Thank You Parents I Do Not Want A Wife I’m Too Young And Also Huh <3 Stuff You Won’t Like Hearing For Sure <3. The people who know they’re working together also know that it’s a big point of argument between them, the difference in vision between “you have to go slow and steady to be safe” and “I have very limited time to get to that safety anyway so I gotta risk it” “hell no you cant i can’t follow through if we’re going that quick that’ll put me at risk and you’re family’s gonna send gunmen to take me down”. A mess, it’d be much quicker to just obtain a few million bucks out of nowhere and bolt for sure...

Mr.GANG (the orange guest)

Morevitch’s trusted assistant. He hears the concerns, he helps the secret businesses, he lies to the parents about the whereabouts, and mostly, he’s basically a budget spy. The lad got that talent where people just don’t notice him popping behind them and catching all their dirty laundry as they confess it to someone they trust, and he always manages to break into places, get the intel he was looking for, and escape, putting everything back into place as if no one was ever there (wonder where he got all those skills from damn!). But what he’s even better at is being sneaky not only to benefit his boss, but himself as well <3. If he can catch all the info in the world, go any places, nothing’s stopping him from playing double agent and also going behind Morevitch’s back. After all the assistant life isn’t the most glamourous and rewarding, who can blame him from going and using his talents to build his own little exit route, right? Everybody sort of knows he cannot be trusted, but also no one managed to really incriminate or stop him, and as much as he has tea on many people, no has it on him, but bet once found that would be heeeella juicy.

M.MOUTARDE (the yellow guest)(this one is straight up the name of the yellow player in the french edition of clue too when i say its my main vibe)

Moutarde was an influential celebrity. He had a big break acting in a movie that the whole country stanned so hard they basically turned the script into their national anthem (they would have if it was a true democracy where the people really decide), he was so handsome and elegant, everyone’s dream husband. And then the fame fiddled out because it’s how fame is, one moment you’re the sexiest dish on the table and the next someone brings in dessert and baam, its all about that fresh cake, and no one pays any mind to your delightful aroma anymore, you’ve gone cold, they had a bite, their interest is somewhere else. Belyy really admires his work though, and mostly finds his image fits with the brand of his company, therefore the two are working on a collaboration to make Moutarde a representative. This WOULD boost Moutarde’s reputation, for his ads would be displayed on every imaginable surface of the country, and it would also benefit the company cause being represented by thAT sexy motherfucker? clearly that’s a deal. The freshness of the partnership means Moutarde is a newcomer in the guests, a fresh face, with no reputation, no relationships, no unfair biases against him. He’s just the new handsome charismatic lad with a squeaky clean image. Emphasis on “image”. After all, no one really knows anything of his background, right?

Kun.LAWENDER (the purple guest)

Private investigator, very useful to be around at a party it’s almost like it was expected there’d be a body to investigate, he’s a very close associate of Belyy, as there’s nothing more important to business than investigating the rivals and finding dirt on them to make them fall through infamy. He’s not exactly the PI who goes look for justice to be served, he’s just here for cash bro. He’s got intel on everyone, and will only let it out if offered the right thing in return (money, or sometimes other pieces of very secret intel, trade is good). Wouldn’t advise letting him and Gang team up tbh but they probably wouldnt, as Lawender is really more of a lone wolf player, going on his own for himself. The one thing that negates his usefulness as a PI on an accidental crime of scene is that even if he knew the whole truth of the event he would not spit it out unless he benefitted from saying it. He sure is a polarising lad, but at the same time, an untouchable one, he’s too knowledgeable to be taken down. Rather than sneaky, he’s extremely observant, noticing the tiniest details and engraving them in his memory, ready to be linked up to other details to deduct the big picture. He’s the upfront tea gathered basically (as opposed to Gang’s shadow tea gathering if you will, they are similar forces but using opposite methods)(also one of em got a licence n the other does not hAH).

~~~~

Now the secrets, all of em have them. One of em at least got the secret of having KILLED Belyy that’s that. But that’s to be kept for later (for if i ever use this story for more than daydream material gfhjgh) bet you can imagine what some of em may be just out of Knowing what i do, from having seen the characters in other contexts, or just because you’re a genius and reading the character profiles immediatly lit up the bulbs in your head forming the perfect theory, props to you, mad genius.

Honestly my thoughts are just how lit of a game that would be, you get to pick one hoe (maybe sum are locked til u find their secrets for juicy purposes) and you do your invetigation using your character’s perks and disadvantages, and maybe there could even be Multiple scenarios and outcomes, to spice it up, give replay value, i just think it’d be a game id spend hours on. tryin to get the spicy details of everyone’s life. walking around n digging through a rich man’s stuff, witnessing the drAMA of people fighting cause they’re locked in with a murderer and that’s stressful ngl. That or a long ass show @ netflix wanna give me a show maybe? give me hella budget we’re making it animated cause im too cultured for live action. 

whatever i make of it though, i hope i can make this story Flourish, just so that i can lay down all those secret backstories i’ve written. i want the satisfaction of throwing out the craziest secret drama between character n seeing peeps loose their minds, it just is a tasty experience.

also i gotta say, i plug the hell out of Clue for an inspo but when i was building the basics of the story my mind immediatly went “oH MY GOD THE VIBES,, THE BACKSTABBING AND tEAMING UP and all,,, its The Genius, that one tv show where peeps have to do the wildest games that require strategy n they’re in that fancy set that looks like a rich ppl mansion oh god the vibes” so yeah, i rewatched the whole first two seasons cause they’re my faves and that had an impact if only minimal in the aesthetic.

Anyway hope that quick presentation gave you a lil taste of the story, and maybe,,,, got you curious,,, craving to learn more like you never did before (im exaggerating the only real question we all got is just “so who’s fuckin with whom then how many of yall secretly dating” this the real deal)

[nightmaretyrantvantas]

I am not my insecurities reflection- a truthful based oneshot

IMPORTANT AUTHORS NOTE PLEASE READ

Ok, this will be a long author’s note but please bare with me as this is very important for you to understand this oneshot. For some context here because I havent posted alot about her yet, this is a oneshot about my Dc oc Gracie Lucio, set kinda in the same universe(i guess) of the teen titans judas contract movie( with Damian as robin) and its a oneshot written partly out of a vent of my own body image issues and partly out of an expression of how I’ve learned to look past said issues slowly.

But this gets very angsty until the end

Now to give a bit more context for the piece itself. The oc herself, Gracie Lucio( because I havent posted any art of her yet) for the reader’s understanding, she is not human, she is a werewolf(it feeds into her story so dont get me started on it alot of research went into this aspect of her character and it plays into her body issues)and body wise looks similar to Dick in the first season of Young Justice. Shes a naturally thin figured , broader shouldered girl who could( if she really wanted to) pass as a feminine boy with short jaw/ barely chin length hair( think of a thick messy longish pixie cut of dark hair). So shes naturally lean and lanky and a little underdeveloped for a 13 year old girl and as a heroine she has toned muscles from years of hero work. Most wouldnt see her having too many insecurities about her body image and appearance, but in truth shes riddled with them. She ages a bit differently than humans, it takes her body longer to develop and even then in some areas it develops differently all together. She struggles to gain any extra weight or build up natural feminine curves, something she wants. She WANTS to look like other girls her age, with more developed and heavier bodies, with curves and more weight and an actual figure. But with a supernaturally high metabolism added on top of a already genetic based thin figure and a intense and sometimes rigorous training and workout routine plus her work as a heroine gives no leeway to gain really any extra weight, its always worked off one way or another. And this causes...comments to be made about why she looks that way by civilians. and though she never shows it publicly  she takes many of these, usually not flattering and sometimes cruel and rude, comments to heart(much like I used to unfortunately) and it worsens her negative feelings. This is a small story of her seeing those problems and issues and trying to face and overcome them. This is more centered around Gracie and Dick and Jason and their platonic and sibling like relationship as they help her through her darker times( again, this is partly me expressing my own personal struggles with body image (which arent the exact same as the character but the language and the comments are very similar)and partly how those two helped inspire me to have more confidence in my body no matter what I look like) and also a deeper peek into her complex relationship with Damian(but thats not the biggest focus) Sorry this was so long I mightve info-dumped a little but its important to understand the story. I hope you guys enjoy?

This is also told in Gracie’s point of view

This will cover some pretty deep kinda issues like body image problems and over eating and weight loss/gain and mentions of eating disorders without really discussing them and bullying so if that upsets you in any way now is the best time to scroll past for your own sake, I dont want you to upset yourself over my crappy emotional writing

I do not look that bad.

That’s what I have to force my mind to accept as I look into the mirror, meeting my own aqua green eyes hesitantly.

I always hated looking in the mirror lately, especially after training or after bathing, like now as I stood in the middle of my room in a slightly loose training type sports bra and spandex shorts. I don’t even want to glance down at my body, out of fear for seeing the same thing I always do.

‘She so skinny...is she eating right’

‘She needs to eat more and gain some weight’

‘what a twig for a superhero’

‘how have bad guys not snapped her in half? Jesus Christ I could probably break her with a sneeze!’

‘What a bad influence shes setting for young girls with such an thin figure!’

‘I think He needs to eat more Christ that poor boy must be starving! Why isn’t Nightwing feeding him more’

The flashes of comments flooded my mind the moment my eyes flickered down to the rest of me. To my thin, unfeminine figure. My underdeveloped and flat birdcage of a chest. To my lanky, toned, too flat stomach. The pinched waist figure. The flat empty expanse I called hips that blended too well into my too dainty looking bony legs. I looked too fucking skinny. And maybe they were right...as a hero I was a role model to those younger than me, and I promoted a Bad Body Image for girls to idolize with my lanky boy figure.

And it was a horrible body type I had no goddamn control over.

My species was not an easy one to live as, especially not intermingled with humans. The team knew, the team understood, but the rest of the world didn’t. As a lupinotuum pectinem, or lycanthrope which in easy translation is simply “Werewolf”, my whole body inner workings were different. Most of my kind were naturally lean and thin, like tall healthily thin model athlete body types and in general the females, even alpha females, were practically born twig like almost. And on top of that our bodies developed....differently. I was not raised by a pack or by my own kind after age 8, so even I didn’t know the full extent but females bodies took longer to grow and it made it very hard for them to gain weight because of the unnaturally high metabolism. Add being a superhero who once trained under a certain league member to the mix and you go from being the “healthy and admirable” type of skinny to the “unhealthy and concerning”type of skinny.

I hated it, and I hated my body. I hated pictures of me from the neck down, because they all looked the same no matter who they were with. And I saw the comments everyone made. Whether its a surprise photo Garfield took dragging me into the picture to commemorate something or another or me taking pictures around Gotham or Blüdhaven with Dick on the social media Gar helped me set up, or even the rare photos I’d get to take with Jason or Damian or Tim and get to post. Every time the flood of comments were the same. The same things I now repeated over and over as I looked over my body angrily.

OMG look at that poor girl is she ok??? She looks like she needs to be hospitalized!

Christ almighty BB isn’t it too early to be posing with skeletons?? LOL

Dude not funny that girl must be anorexic or something.

Such a cute sibling couple but sweetie you need a fast food break to add some fat to those bones!

Fuck kid go eat something instead of taking pictures

Awwww you two look real happy! I hope you’re on the way to lunch or something!

Holy shit your guy’s size difference is so vast its almost worrying

how are you even alive with that little weight

Go eat some junk food or something before you pass out

OMG look at her shes so small and stick like! Her clothes look like they’re hanging off a scarecrow!

That girl cannot be healthy tell me someone is making her eat more

Every time its always the same damn thing....

I couldn’t do it anymore. I turned away from the mirror nearly in disgust and went back to changing into more casual clothes, bitterly noting how my clothes did in fact seem to hang awkwardly on my body as if I was too thin for them to fit correctly. Like they always did lately.

Ew look at her she looks so gross all stick-like like that!

What a fucking twig of a girl! Are those her ribs poking through her shirt??

Bitch go eat a fucking hamburger you need some damn food in you.

God that weight cant be healthy you need a doctor!!

     “Kid? Yo kid you in there?” My head jerked up from the comments flooded screen of my phone to meet Jason’s eyes, catching the quirk of his eyebrow as he sat across the diner table from me. We were at a diner he favored whenever he came into town to visit, a little family owned treasure with delicious and greasy food and the sweetest staff on earth. We frequented the spot during his visits, our own personal little thing since we’d gotten closer. I plastered on a smile and ignored the slight narrow of those blue eyes, the small furrow of his brow got as I snapped off my phone and set it aside.

      “Sorry Jay, BB tagged me in something dorky and I got distracted. So what were you saying?”

He didn’t believe me, and I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t the most convincing at that moment but I kept that damn plastic smile on my face and snagged some of his curly fries right in his face, making him crack a smile and smack my hand away from his tray.

      “ Hands off my food, eat your own wolfie.” I rolled my eyes at the stupid nickname I’d been branded and let the plastic smile slowly be replaced by a more genuine one as we began chatting again, grabbing my over sized cheeseburger and finishing every last bite and moving onto the large fries and two milkshakes, hopelessly praying that maybe this time the calories would stick and trying to push away the comments to the back of my mind. I was with Jason and we were having a damn good time, and I wasn’t going to let those comments ruin his visit...not again.

You should be ashamed. All you’re doing is promoting bad eating habits looking like that.

You’re such a bad influence for young girls who idolize you with such a horribly unreachable appearance.

Shes too bony to ever be considered pretty

Does she have a eating disorder or something?

I stiffened instantly startled by a hand on my shoulder, turning off my phone  instinctively and making the endless comments disappear into darkness before whoever could see them over my shoulder. The hand was big, calloused, and gentle and I felt myself relax as I looked up behind me with a smile.

         “ Hey Dick, did you need something?” He smiled down at me with that big bright smile that made all the dark thoughts and feelings melt away and gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze, blue eyes meeting aqua green.

          “ Well I was wondering if you’re doin’ anything right now or if you’d want to go catch dinner with Kori, Dami, and I. I noticed that you’d skipped your usual early dinner....” I wasn’t surprised he noticed, he normally did...

Once again that smile plastered itself on my face as I told him I’d love to, and to just let me go get changed into something better. I saw his hesitation at the fake smile, practically smelled it on him and prayed he wouldn’t bring it up right now, god please don’t ask now or I might just break...

Maybe god is listening because he didn’t mention it and just told me to meet them by the front doors of the tower in ten.

How are you not dead yet?

Jesus Christ stop promoting your eating disorder like its a good thing!

She looks so sickly is she ok? :(

Yeah shes sick, sick in the damn head for posting such disgusting pro-Ana pictures

How can you post pictures with a clear conscience looking like that?

Some “superhero”

I was wrong, no god was listening to me.

Dinner was rough to get through, even if it didn’t start that way.

For once I didn’t have to worry or dread possibly checking my phone for anything, I turned it off by the time we got to the restaurant. I even got a small compliment from Damian on our way in, though it was more a snark at me not tripping up the stairs. But it was Damian so I snapped right back with a smile, knowing he didn’t really mean it. Sitting beside Dick and across from Damian, I nudged his foot with mine in a silent gesture to cheer up even a little. He huffed through his nose but I saw his body relax and it made me relax. Those moments before the food came, our chatter and soft laughter as we looked over the menu, and the soothing knowledge knowing that Dick pulled me and Damian along to this dinner so we would go out on a date ourselves, ever the best brother and wingman. The mood was light and pleasant and I could see even the ever sharp and moody Dami lighten up a little by the time we ordered. Maybe the mood shifted into something different as we waited for our food and I was sipping on my tall glass of iced cola, when Damian’s fingers casually brushed over the top of my unused hand that laid peacefully on the table. The gesture was subtle and light, quick enough to miss if your senses weren’t sharp. I didn’t acknowledge it and neither did he, a silent understanding that words would just ruin whatever this was. I accepted that happily, as he was much more engaged in the conversations and even smiling a little more during them as he debated with Kori on leading strategies. Things were pleasant, comforting at that table in those few seconds before the decline, Dick smiling and chuckling at his lover and little brother, Said lover and brother having a more upbeat discussion about different leadership styles and their effects, and lightly debating which work better for what. And Damian’s hand next to mine, ever so lightly brushing against it in his wordless way to say I was still there and at even the smallest twitch I’d have his attention again. Dick ruffled my hair and asked how my online courses were coming along, since I didn’t attend schools publicly and I was more than happy to babble about my classes, and my current work in them. It was nice and I was happy, all the horrible feelings from before draining away as I tuned everything else but these three out of my enhanced hearing. Why had I even felt so shitty when I had great people like them in my life?

Then I heard it as that damned supernatural hearing tuned back in to the rest of the world.

The words and whispers and mutters and the blatant gossip and bad mouthing.

“Look at that younger girl sitting at that table dear...shes so thin I think she should be in a hospital not a restaurant.”

“Ewww mom look that girl looks like a skeleton!”

“ Honey shush….”

“Is….is that girl ok?”

“Dude of course she isn’t just look at her shes unhealthy as fuck. Probably has some kind of eating disorder too or something.”

It all flooded over me and all of my happy mood washed away under the wave. I couldn’t tell if the others could hear them so I grit my teeth tried to tune it all back out, trying so hard to focus more on Kori’s explanation of her points. My hands began to curl up subconsciously, making Damian’s attention snap to me. Fuckin I….no, I cant tell him...I shouldn’t. I forced my hand to uncurl and that stupid smile sprawled across my lips as if someone had put tape over them. I saw his eyes narrow and near begged mentally for him to not say anything or for Dick to distract him...anything.

“Ahem….your meal.”

I have never more thankful to a waitress before in my life...until I saw the look she gave me as she placed my admittedly large order of food in front of me, something that was normally a platter for two people’s worth of beef and sides. I caught the judgmental and suspicious look she had glancing between me and my food and I felt shame burn all over, starting to hang my head to avoid that damn look.

“ If this is all our food then your job is done. Don’t you have OTHER tables to be serving?” Damian’s curt and sharp tone cut through the air and briefly through my shame. This waitress knew nothing about me and i certainly owned no one any explanations about my eating habits, so why was she hanging around giving me looks about my food…?

“ Damian don’t be so rude!” Dick cleared his throat and I felt his strong arm wrap protectively around my shoulder as he leaned close to the edge of the table while Kori’andr apologized for Damian’s attitude vaguely. But I could hear it, there wasn’t much life to her apology. It sounded like a politely required apology, almost...defensive?

“ I am so sorry about my little brother Miss. He’s also sorry. But do you need anything else since we seem to be all set here but you’re still hanging around when you must be very busy…?” Dick’s words were sweet and cheerful, but there was an edge to his tone that gave a clear warning. His arm around me tightened a little protectively as he gave one of his signature charming smiles that could light up half the damn city as he then inquired if there was some sort of problem. The waitress stammered that there wasn’t any problem and that it was fine and for us to enjoy our meal before scampering away to continue her work. I felt other patrons eyes most DEFINITELY on us now and I couldn’t help shrinking into the taller man’s side to hide.

“ I’m sorry this keeps happening…” I murmured to him as our respective dates started eating and slowly reviving their conversation, moving on to mission recounts and training while Damian shot a dark look at the other patrons that made them look away. Dick gave my shoulder a squeeze and i moved closer for that familiar warmth and comfort...my chest felt heavy and my appetite had died and I wanted to curl up in my room and die of the shame. But I couldn’t, he wouldn’t have let me. So instead I instinctively sought out the safety Dick’s presence brought me, like a protective older sibling whose arms I could be enveloped in and forget about the harsh world outside them.

He knew without words, catching my body language before anyone else at the table. He knew me best.

“ Do you want to leave? We can get to go boxes and enjoy this meal all the same back at the tower, or even mine and Kori’s apartment. Is that what you’d rather do?” It was tempting, oh god it was so tempting to just say yes and let him lead me away while I re-gathered myself, same way he did when we were both 13 and living under the same roof...before…

I shook my head and forced those thoughts to the very back of my mind. I was in a dark enough place of mind already without that.

“ N-no...you guys set this up...i...i don’t want one nosy waitress to ruin our whole meal. Lets just eat ok D?” He smiled at the nickname and ruffled my hair with a nod, both him and Kori making sure I knew if things got too uncomfortable we could leave and the heaviness eased a little at their consideration. I started picking at my food and slowly regaining my appetite, once again nudging Damian with my foot to start up conversations. I ignored the words for the majority of the dinner, we even began to enjoy ourselves again. The last straw was probably as we were paying and putting leftovers in to go bins. I was admittedly nibbling on food out of my bin, despite starting to feel full.

“ I swear you are a bottomless pit sometimes Gracia.” I rolled my eyes at Damian’s remark and gave him a small smirk as I licked my fingers clean.

“ This bottomless pit can still kick your ass in training wonder boy~” He grunted and I saw the challenge glow in his eyes as he smirked back, an excitement for tomorrow’s combat training flaring up between us.

“ You really shouldn’t mix up your delusional dreams with reality alpha PUP.” I said something snarky back and we began to bicker halfheartedly over who was winning. I finally snapped shut my leftover box and stood with Damian as we stared each other down confidently, Dick chuckling at our competitiveness.

“ Tomorrow morning’s combat training will certainly be interesting with these two all riled up already.” The words didn’t fully process as I cracked my knuckles and squared up to the admittedly….taller boy.

“ Last I checked Damian I was ahead 11-10. And tomorrow, I just cant wait to make it 12.” He gave a hard laugh to my face and faced up to me with a smirk as our other two companions stood and shooed us more in front of the table so they could leave their seats. He opened his mouth to say something likely scalding and snarky back at me when the worst comment pierced between us both like a goddamn bullet.

“ Damn, I never knew such a sickly, too skinny bitch like her could eat like such a fat fucking pig.”

I think I stopped breathing as my body flinched at the following laughter. The man was clearly on the tipsy side and sitting at a larger table with a group of laughing friends, though the one who said it was standing next to the table with a drink that reeked of the cheapest alcohol this restaurant probably sold, and he didn’t stop there. Oh god of course he didn’t stop there. He kept laughing and loudly making obvious comments at me and openly mocking me and how much I ate to his table, either fully aware of what he was doing and that we could clearly see and hear him or too drunk to really care as more insults and name calling that I had heard and seen and read plenty of times before fell from his mouth. My heart was pounding in my ears as the next few moments happened slowly.

I thought I had seen anger plenty of times before, the worse being the one and only time someone made a malicious joke about my appearance to my face when I was walking beside Jason and it took all my supernatural strength to drag him off and away the guy before he murdered him in broad daylight and to keep him walking to wherever we had been heading.

I had seen pissed, but I had never seen downright hellish fury until that moment when I looked at Damian and Dick.

I had seen Damian mad, and angry, and pissed, a few times in our first meetings at me personally. I had seen Dick mad, angry, and pissed off a a fair chunk of times, even if they had never been directly at me. I had never seen this expression on either of them in those times. And in those few moments that passed almost in slow motion and Damian began to lurch forward with murderous intent the thought finally hit me. ‘ Was this...the first time these two had really heard the comments about me? Oh god…’ I felt like I was moving in honey as Damian stalked past me and I tried to reach out to him slowly, a gleam to his eyes that made my blood go cold.

If someone was to ask me in the future what I believed Death looked like, I would say with completely conviction that death would have the exact eyes Damian had in that moment: lethal, merciless, and furious. And he would have Dick’s cold expression, a look I never wanted to see on the normal cheerful man’s face ever again.

Time snapped back to a normal speed like a whip and my hand grasped nothing but air as Damian stormed over to the man.

“D...da--”

“What did you just say you disgusting drunk.” I might’ve shivered at his tone and I felt Kori’s hands on my shoulders tugging me back protectively as she looked down at me worried.

“ Gracie...don’t listen to him, there’s no reason to cry.” Cry? What was she talking ab--

That’s when I felt it, something warm and wet sliding down my cheeks and dripping off my chin. I...I was crying. My walls and my limit of bottling things in for one day was crumbling away as I watched Damian go to confront the man, my voice disappearing under the surge of hurt and anxiety. I couldn’t even say his damn name. I felt frozen and helpless as Dick stalked after Damian, fists clenched.

I had to do something say something anything to stop them before things went badly I had to I had--

“Eh?What the fuck did you say to me brat?”

“ You heard me you worthless piece of filth. Apologize to her, now.”

I needed to do something anything as I felt myself crumbling. Why wasn’t Dick stopping him why

“ And what if I don’t pipsqueak? You gonna hit me? Now scram. Maybe take your little bitch to a hospital for treatment instead of parading her around a restaurant with normal people!”

“ He might not do anything, But I will. Now take it back before things get messy.”I think my body began trembling as I watched panic swelling. I just wanted to leave and go home. I didn’t want to see this unfold, I just wanted to be home at the tower curled under my covers to simulate the warmth of another person holding me. I wanted to be anywhere, anywhere else then stuck in this nightmare.

So I moved without thinking and lunged, aiming for the back of Dick’s jacket to grab and ready to swallow any shards of pride and beg to leave. Instead I collided with Damian’s back and rolled with it, hugging him tightly from behind and tugging back with a whimper.

“ P-please you two...l...lets just leave...please lets just go home please…” Kori grabbed Dick’s arm firmly and tugged him back.

“ Dick...shes in the midst of an anxiety attack, let it go and lets leave. We need to get her out of here.” He took a difficult deep breath but nodded glaring down the man harshly enough that he flinched and scurried to the bar with his tail between his legs mumbling insults. One of his friends started to stand and began nervously apologizing, though one vicious look from the boy I was holding shut him up fast. It took me and Kori working together to drag the two out of the restaurant and the ride home was tense and silent. I couldn’t look at any of them, instead opting to stare at my feet wiping my eyes.

“ Does that happen often. People talking about you like that.” His cold tone made me flinch a little. At this point I was so upset and anxious and emotionally drained on the inside that I thought Damian was mad at me of all people for what happened. Those dark thoughts began to slowly bubble up to the surface and my insecurities screamed that he blamed me for what happened in the restaurant. I remained silent, too upset to answer. I heard his growl of annoyance and I began to hunch up, ready for a verbal fight.

“ Damian drop it for now. Shes in no right place of mind to talk about it.” Dick warned from the driver seat with a low voice that reminded me he was also upset and angry. When we got back   to the tower I didn’t wait for anyone to say anything, I just bolted for my room as fast as I could, at a inhuman, unnatural speed that they couldn’t keep pace with.

I stayed locked in my room for three days, not willing to face any of them the next morning during training. Everything was heavy and hurt and it was hard trying to rebuild those shattered walls of protection, that image of unbothered confidence. I stayed in bed locked away from the world and curled up under the weak protection of my sheets mostly unresponsive to those outside it.

The first to come knocking and checking on me was Kori, asking if I was ok and if I needed to talk. She left after a little while of trying for a response unsuccessfully though, saying she’d come back to check on me later. It was maybe an hour later that Garfield came knocking, asking why I’d missed breakfast AND training. His voice was concerned as he asked if everything was ok and if I was even in there. The concern poked painfully into my silence, tempting me to speak and make myself vulnerable.

Vulnerability killed. I knew that first hand. So I forced myself to stay quiet until his knocks and footsteps faded away.

The rest of the day passed in a bit of a self deprecating blur, only marked by Kori’s two other attempts at my door. The last one I barely noticed as exhaustion kicked back in and I drifted off into an unsteady sleep

The next day after I woke up things still went by in a near timeless blur. I could hear my phone buzzing and vibrating and rattling for my attention but I left it there on the nightstand unnoticed and curled further under the sheets, lost in a slate tinted world of dark thoughts and darker temptations. But that day was harder to drift away through.

The first to stop by was Jamie, knocking a few times and calling out to me with concern and worry clear in his voice as he asked if I was ok. He asked if I’d eaten at all since yesterday, since he hadn’t seen me leave my room. The thought of eating made my stomach stir and my body curl around it ashamed. He knocked a few more times after that, his voice growing a bit more worried at the lack of answer. After awhile I heard him walk away and I barely lifted my head as I hugged my too skinny too unhealthy body close, feeling those blaring imperfections and flinching at myself.

It was no wonder everyone said those things...if so many people said them so often then they must be true.

The next to come by was Raven. She only knocked twice and gave a small sigh.

“ Gracie...I know you’re in there. If you need someone to talk to...my room is in the next hall over, and I will be here to listen. I wont force you to come out...just please remember you aren’t alone here. You have the team behind you.” I bit my lip hard enough to make it bleed to keep my ensuing whimper silent. The words, soothing and reassuring in context, stabbed into my heart and my resolve. I WANTED to depend on them, to throw open the door and break down under the assurance I could and would not be treated differently after, and be assured and comforted and remind of the positives. I wanted it so badly I was scared of it. Or maybe...I was scared of it NOT happening as those damn fears and insecurities and dark thoughts sowed heavy doubt through me. She lingered a little longer than Jaime, eventually her footsteps disappearing. I remember meekly poking my head from the sheets to stare absently out the half covered windows lost in thought, time slipping by me once more to the point I almost didn’t register Garfield and Kori both stopping by my door again at least twice more worried.

When Dick stopped by as the sun was setting was when the harder pain set in.

I heard the knocks and ignored it in favor of the changing color sky the sunset offered, my room washed in a dim orange and amber gleam. Then I heard his voice, soft and sick with worry from the outside and my heart thudded so hard it hurt. Hard.

“ Gracie...C’mon Gracie-girl please open the door. We’re all worried about you...I’m really worried about you. You haven’t eaten for a day and a half...Please let me in...” I almost broke completely at the pain in that familiar voice, the voice I never wanted to be the cause of being in pain or anguish again.

Well looks like I did a GREAT job of preventing that didn’t I?

He knocked again, asking and pleading and trying to reason, anything to get that door to open. My eyes burned with hot fresh tears and I curled up into a tight ball whimpering softly and breaking my vow of silence.

“....D-dick...p-please...j-just leave me a-alone…I-i just need some t-time alone…”

My voice came out pathetically weak and shaking with tears, which I know he heard. There was a silence for a few moments, perhaps shock that I actually answered this time. I felt warmth sliding down my cheeks as he sighed and reluctantly muttered that he’d come check back on me tomorrow and that there was leftover dinner ready for me to heat up on the kitchen counter before he slowly walked away. His fading footsteps echoing in my ears. Was my heart breaking on every step away? I couldn’t tell. That feeling slipped into the dark thoughts that followed the setting sun. Dark thoughts that also reminded me of the one person who HADN’T come to check on me, and the resulting pain of his absence.

The third day had been mostly quiet. It was almost a painful relief, quiet meant no additional pain of--

“ Gracia.”

That one word coming from Damian’s mouth sent so many things through me and sent any resolve I had spiraling away. His tone was a forced kind of neutral, he sounded as if he was trying to stay calm but it wasn’t exactly working. There was something to his voice I had no energy to figure out. He didn’t knock and there was silence for a few moments but I felt his presence remain.

“ You haven’t eaten since the restaurant.” No questions with him, he didn’t need to ask, always calm and analyzing.

“ ...You cant just stay in there forever Gracia.” A stern lilt to his voice, weakly enforced by the faint sound of his hand on the door. I could only whimper and curl up more. There was another stretch of silence before he sighed and his footsteps continued down the hall.

He was the only one to come check on me, a blessing and a damnation.

The day and night went by so listlessly I didn’t remember falling asleep, only waking up to banging knocks on my door. The volume grated on my sensitive hearing and made me flinch. Who would even be knocking like that…?

“ Oi. Kid. I know you’re still in there. Open the door.” Jason’s hard and no shit taking voice shot through me. Why...Why was Jason in the tower? Why was he in the city?

The knocking continued relentlessly, unlike the others. It even got louder and angrier.

“ Kid I said open this goddamn door.” There was no request or plea in his voice. It was a command, a harsh, cold command. I tried covering my ears with my hands and curling into a tight ball as the knocking continued. He wasn’t about to give up to a little girl.

I knew this too well.

“ Graciea Rosica Lucio I swear to god if you don’t open this goddamn door in the next couple second I will break it down. Now get off your fucking ass and answer me.” I don’t know what it was, but hearing his threat sent my body into mechanical motion, trudging over to the door and reluctantly unlocking it and letting it slide open with a low hiss, the banging finally ceasing. I couldn’t look him in the face, empty and ashamed it took threats to get me to open the door. So I stared dully at his boots and took in his scent as he grabbed the front of my shirt and dragged me back inside. I stumbled clumsily along with as he sat me on my bed and stood in front of me. I kept my gaze down towards his knees, the smell of nicotine wisping off his body in a way that told me he very recently had been smoking, no less than an hour ago most likely. Smoke and city is what filled my room. There was only a beat of silence before he spoke.

“ Look at me.” I lifted my head and stared at his chest and his crossed arms, unwilling to look him in the eyes. I couldn’t bare to see what kind of disappointed look he likely had on his face. Perhaps I didn’t want to see my reflection in his eyes, see the sickly, disgusting and bony figured girl with greasy hair and dark circles under dulled eyes and sallow cheeks. I heard the slight growl that rumbled from the back of his throat in warning and I briefly wondered if I would be forced to look him in the eyes. His arms uncrossed and I prepared myself for anything.

Anything except for two big plastic grocery bags filled with fast food bags and orders was dropped onto my lap, the contents still hot. I blinked slowly once, twice, and finally got enough courage in my confusion to look up at his face. When I did I was a little startled.

“ Eat. And you aren’t moving until those bags are polished off understand me?”

He looked visibly angry, eyes narrowed and mouth locked in a fearsome scowl with eyebrows furrowed. But his eyes were soft and worried and it took me a minute to realize worry was what was making his scowl so harsh. He crossed his arms across that broad chest again and I realized he was in his work gear, all the way down to the guns strapped to his thighs. All he lacked at the moment was his helmet and domino mask, his dark hair messier than usual and the white streak falling between his eyes. We had a staring contest and in those pupils I saw myself, I saw the shell I had become and it made me sick, breaking me briefly from the depressive haze.

How the hell had I let myself fall this far, this deep?

We didn’t speak until he grunted, eyes narrowing more in a way even those concerned blues didn’t weaken the glare as he spoke gruffly.

“ You better start eating before I start just shoving it down your damn throat.” I knew he would too. He wasn’t fucking around, I didn’t doubt he’d follow through with any threats made. Slowly I looked down at the pile of food and reached for the first bag, pulling it open and blinking fast as fresh tears stung my eyes.

It was from our favorite diner, and it was my usuals two cheeseburgers and large lightly salted fries with a second order of fat steak fries and fried pork strips. He’d even gotten all the little sides I enjoyed with it and I looked back up at him with a pained look. Maybe that look made him relax because his expression softened slightly, his voice quieting to something gentler.

“ C’mon now...I brought you all your favorites, now start eating...it’s been three days and your body cant handle that. We can talk after.” My shoulders slumped as all the tension stored in my body dissipated a little as he continued to speak, like a tightly pulled strong finally cut loose.

“ Kid I’m not mad at you. No one is. So just eat the food and then we’ll figure shit out, just like we do on any other visit.” I think the tears started falling because his face got blurry and there was warmth in my face. If I did start crying he didn’t say anything, just nodded at the bag. I gulped and slowly but surely pulled out one of the burgers and slowly took a bite, struggling a little to swallow it with a throat that was closing up from emotions. Once I did though my hunger kicked me hard and I began devouring the food, one bag after another.

It took me about a half hour to finish both plastic bags but I did, followed by slamming through at least two water bottles and one thick milkshake that almost made a mess. Jason simply watched over me as I ate from his spot in front of me. The silence was almost soothing, not painful as it had been before. I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand as I looked back up at him and we made eye contact.

“ So are you going to tell me what happened? Really happened?” I broke his gaze to stare towards the floor as the acidic shame began to creep back over me. He sighed.

“ C’mon kid just let it out already. Who am I to judge? So why don’t you trust me like you USED to and tell me?” Those words shot through my heart and head.

I...I wasn’t trusting him...trusting anyone...I…i...

It was like Jason opened a flood gate.

It all came spilling out with a new surge of tears and mid sentence cracking sobs, my body physically heaving from the intensity as it all came out. All the months of insecurities and pain and doubts and fears and comments and negativity and hate and bullying came rushing out like a tidal wave and Jason took to all, listening to everything without a single word as I let everything out and let myself break down completely, wails and sobs replacing words eventually. I felt him shift and kneel in front of me, felt big strong sturdy hands grip my shoulders to steady me and keep me anchored as I buried my face into my hands and gasped out cries and pained wailing yowls that filled the room and spilled out of it. I vaguely remember the sounds of multiple hurried footsteps coming towards the door but I didn’t care. All I felt was Jason’s hands on my shoulders and his steady, continuous heartbeat in my ears as well as he strong breathing. One set of footsteps dared to enter the room and hurry over, only stopped by Jason’s calm voice.

“ Let her get it out, its the only thing that’ll help.” The footsteps stopped and eventually the wails faded into blubbering whimpers and whines and hiccups, constantly sniffling. I lifted my head to look at him through blurred eyes and got one brief sight of Dick standing behind Jason that sent me into a whole new wave of sobs.

God I’ve been nothing but selfish and now I’d fucking hurt Dick again even when I swore I’d never do that again and i--

I let out a high pitched whine that turned into pathetic blubbered and wailed apologies. Over and over like a broken record I couldn’t stop apologizing to them for everything even parts that weren’t my fault  in any way I still apologized for it I just couldn’t stop. Jason’s grip on me tightened only slightly before slipping away and for a single moment I was terrified I’d annoyed him with all the apologies and was about to add that to my list of them when two strong arms wrapped around me and and Dick’s scent surrounded me.

“ Shh shh shh shhh….shhh Gracie its ok now shh shh its ok I got you its not your fault…” I sniffled and wailed out more sobs and begs for forgiveness as I clung to him like he was a life preserver. And at that moment he was. He hugged me tighter and practically cradled me into his chest stroking my hair as he murmured reassurances, assuring me I was well forgiven and it wasn’t my fault. Everyone got insecurities especially when facing so much negativity. How I was so strong for fighting it for so long regardless. But it was ok to not always be strong and be able to handle it. That he was there and it was ok now. It took awhile but eventually all my noise quieted down to sniffles and hiccups and the occasional whimper as my trembling and heaving finally eased away into a limp tiredness. I felt exhausted but in a way different than the past couple days. I felt lighter and the more Dick spoke gently the lighter and more relaxed I felt,all the pain easing as he banished every dark thought one by one.

“ You ARE a hero Gracie.”

“ you aren’t a skeleton or a scarecrow or a twig.”

“ You are not too bony.”

“ You’re beautiful.”

“ You aren’t sick and you don’t need any doctors.”

“ You’re ok. The way your body works and retains weight naturally is not your fault.”

“ You’re only thirteen you’re still growing kiddo.”

“ I was scrawny and thin until I was at least sixteen Gracie its not that uncommon.”

“ You do NOT have to hold yourself to stupid human beauty standards.”

“ You’re beautiful to us, that’s all that matters.”

“ You’re ok, you have us.”

Each and every statement cleared my mind and I slumped against him with tears still falling down my cheeks. His hand carefully cupped the back of my neck in a soothing gesture to ease the wolf side of me, adding a very small amount of pressure to ensure the sense of security and safety the movement brought. I whispered out a hoarse thank you, my throat sore and raw but already beginning to heal. He smiled into my hair and I let my eyes slip shut in contentment. I felt...stabilized, as if the whole world had been constantly tilted dangerously under my feet for months and now it had finally been returned to normal, balancing me once again.

I felt a second, no technically third, hand tangle itself into my thick and greasy hair and ruffle it affectionately, fingers tangling themselves in the dark chestnut locks.

“ We’re always here for you kid. Whether you like it or not. You can be honest and confide in your inner circle Gracie. We aren’t going to look at you any differently...so next time don’t keep your mouth shut.” My nerves settled and I leaned into his hand with a loud hiccup, making him snort. I looked up and saw both older men smiling down at me, both with their own kind of soft expressions. I rubbed my eyes and wiped my nose and smiled back shakily, feeling like everything was going to be ok for the first time in a long while.

I learned a few things a few hours later, after I’d fallen asleep in Dicks arms and woke up on the couch out in the Tower’s game room with Garfield and Jaime looking after me. My head was resting on Garfield’s leg and he had his elbow rested on my upper arm comfortably as he and Jaime played some kind of two player video game, keeping their voices lower than usual to be considerate of me sleeping. Opening my eyes was difficult as they felt dry and crusted and stung from crying so much. But my throat was no longer sore. When they saw I was awake they paused the game and and told me they were happy I was up, as I had been out cold for at least a solid couple hours. That was when I learned the first thing : Dick and Kori had informed the team of the incident at the restaurant after the first day I stayed locked up in my room, and Garfield had let it slip in his rage that he thought I had finally stopped getting those comments, and confessed that I’d been getting bullied and harassed about my appearance online for months. What I found out was all those months what I failed to notice was Garfield fighting back on my behalf every chance he got. He defended me, constantly called people out for harassment and even worked on getting some of the worst and most aggressive ones banned. For months he’d been do it as relentlessly as he could, filling his own social medias with both our pictures and his constant defense and positivity towards me to fight it back. It got lost in my own comment section so I stupidly didn’t realize. It warmed my heart knowing he’d kept my back even when I never noticed or mentioned it, though he waved it off and just gave me his big old smile telling me it wasn’t that big a deal,

“ After all, you’d do the same for me in a heartbeat!” And he wasn’t wrong. But I still hugged him tight in thanks anyway, an embrace he happily returned as he warned me next time I lied about being harassed there’d be hell to pay.

I assured him there wasn’t going to be a next time anymore and for the first time in months finally wholeheartedly meant it.

The second thing I learned was Jaime told me during those first two days I was locking myself away Damian had gone back to the restaurant and used Bruce’s name to hunt that guy that had been harassing me down and gotten a few hefty harassment charges and minor endangerment charges slapped onto the guy, throwing in a sob story of how I was now in emergency care in the hospital because of him. I knew he didn’t throw his last name around often, didn’t exactly like having to do so to be taken seriously. The fact he did for me…

I had a lot more feelings for Damian after that knowledge.

The third thing I learned was that the only reason Dick and Kori hadn’t come by to check on me yesterday was was because they spent the entire time hunting for Jason to get his help with getting me out, and when they DID find him he stormed for the tower and made it there before they did somehow, he was that angry.

As they were telling me this and retelling a very tense video call between Nightwing and Batman during the second day Damian came in in his full Robin attire, regarding us stoically. When I saw him I stood and the room quieted as I approached him, the both of us observing each other. When we stood a foot apart I stared into his masked eyes quietly and he looked into my tired eyes. I saw his mouth start to open to speak and my body lurched forward without me, hugging onto him tightly.

“Thank you...you didn’t have to do that for me thank you thank you thank you…” He was quiet and I was about to let go and move away when I felt his arm come around me and grip the back of my shirt, returning the embrace. Neither of us was at a point that we were really physically affectionate by any means but my heart swelled when he hugged me back, leaning his head against my own and allowing me to bask in the warmth of his arms and his scent. When I felt him roll his shoulders I took that as my cue and slowly pulled away, gently pressing a kiss to his cheek as I did before retreating back to give him his space.

I think I saw his cheek flare pink but I’ll never say for sure because that would mean admitting just how red my own cheeks were.

I’d love to say that after that everything ended happily and perfectly and things went great forever and ever. But I cant, life doesn’t work like that.

But things did get better.

I was under heavy supervision several weeks, with almost stricter watches on my food intake to make sure I didn’t try to over eat or try to force weight gain. Bruce had me stay with him and Damian for a few weeks as well to make sure I didn’t slip back into that dark place. It was a bit smothering at times...but in all honesty I welcomed the smothering because I knew it meant how much they all cared. And staying with Bruce again...it brought up my mood believe it or not. Being in the manor brought back happier memories of my childhood and seeing the man I considered a fatherly figure more often perked me up. Plus I got to see Tim a lot more than usual in those few weeks, a perk and joy all in itself as he kept me company when he wasn’t too busy with his work. Tim was also the one who disabled all comments on my social medias one calm rainy evening in the lounge. I was grateful and he patted my head after as he read his case files. I think I might’ve fallen asleep against him, I cant say I fully remember. With each passing week I felt better and better. It took a long time for my self esteem and confidence to rebuild itself, but it got some jump starts. Perhaps the best part was two months later after a sparring session with Kori. She was giving me tips on striking with a staff when Dick and the big bad bat Brucie himself walked in.

“ Batman? Has something happened?” He shook his head and put his hand on my shoulder.

“ I’m going to borrow Gracie for a few minutes.” Dick gently took her hand and smiled as he whispered something to her as he led me out of the training room and placed a long bottle of what looked like red chewy vitamins into my hand. When I looked up at him confused he gave me some of the best news of my life.

“ These are specially created vitamins designed to accommodate your body’s inhuman metabolism. Tim helped me create them. They're designed to help regulate fats and carb distribution in your body and allow your body to hold onto and gain more weight without immediately burning it off. Take one every week and in a few months you should be up at least one weight class if not more as long as you keep to your regular healthy eating habits, just like you wanted. By Tim’s calculations within the year you should gain enough weight to have a thicker figure, though you may always retain this thinner “ballet-ques” figure...you will more closely resemble the figure of girls your age.” I stared up at him then at the vitamins and sniffled, fighting off tears of joy. All those weeks with Tim and his seemingly just curious questions about my species and their anatomy...the “ case files”...I owed Tim a lot for this.

“ It was Dick’s idea, after all that happened two months ago.” The softer tone brought a smile to my face and I nodded, barely restraining the urge to hug Bruce while he was in the cowl.

“ T-thank you...thank you this means more to me than you know…” He nodded and turned to leave but I caught the ghost of a smile on his face as he walked away.

And once he had I ran back into the training room and tackled Dick to the ground with a ecstatic howl, shifting mid leap into wolf form and licking his face in gratitude, making him laugh as he lazily tried to push away my affection.

I started taking them that day, and it took a few months for a noticeable difference to take place, but it did. My clothes and uniform stopped hanging off me like a walking scarecrow and I started developing the beginning of a feminine figure. I stopped trying to stuff my face too much at every meal and with every week after my self esteem raised back up a little higher. Maybe people saw it in the big, wide crooked smiles in pictures of me now, no matter who they were with. Or maybe the team saw it in the fact I stopped trying to hide my body in layers of clothes, walking around in my favorite tank top after missions instead of over sized sweatshirts and shirts, or the fact I didn't mind sudden pictures taken of me. Regardless it showed and in time I was more than happy to show off that confidence. Throughout it all Jason made near constant visits between jobs to make sure I didn’t have too major of setbacks and Dick stayed by my side as often as he could, supporting me and being a physical reminder almost that I was never alone.

And I didn't feel alone.

And one day as I was getting ready for an outing I paused in front of the mirror and looked at myself, looked at my slightly more filled out tank top and the small curve of slightly more defined hips and an actually fairly filled out stomach, a fuller figure to match my broader than normal shoulders. I slowly looked into my own eyes and after a moment I began to smile.

Somehow….I didn't hate looking into the mirror as much as I used to.

“ I do not look that bad. I look fine.”

“ Gracie c’mon you coming? C’mon the others are gonna leave without us!”

I smiled at my reflection wider before running off out of the room after Jaime’s voice.

“ Im coming!!”

I dont look that bad.

And now I could finally start to see that.

The end.

OOOOOOOH ITS FINALLY DONE ITS FINALLY DONE! 

Ive been working on this for three months now and it was really difficult to finish. Originally it wasnt supposed to be so angsty but...it turned out really angsty at the end.

@phantommoonpeople

@kid-crashed

@call-me-n0ni-chan

Tagging those I know will want to read this

I hope you all like it!!

[cloudbattrolls]

Coward Mont Blanc

Maidel Juzuxt | Present Night | Derevnya | Octavian Musical Arts Studios

Everyone calls it OMAS, or Oh, Masterfully Aimed, Shithead if they’re not fond of Treble. Even if they’re on the list of people who won’t kick him out of a room after ten minutes, they might still toss it off, teasing, but with an edge of bile.

It’s one of the reasons you get along with him, despite how different the two of you are. 

“So!” He says, plucking at his suspenders. “What’s got you in such a sulk, Maidel-girl? Or is it boy today.”

You’re in one of the studio’s dance rooms, one that’s empty at the moment since the next class won’t be for hours. Mirrors cover its walls, and overhead glowworm lamps dot the ceiling, giving off light even as they’re in stasis. Treble can feed, wake, and rearrange them at his will if needed for a choreography practice, as well as brighten them with the right formula. 

Right now they’re giving off a low yellowish glow as they sleep, clinging to the gray ceiling. It bathes your face in a sickly cast, or maybe that’s just your mood as you stare into one of the mirrors, clad in a suit that you look absolutely horrible in.

“Boy.” You say, but there’s not much spirit in it. Gender isn’t very important right now; it’s part of your bigger problem, but only in a small way. 

Sometimes you think it’d be easier if you just had no chest to worry about, and certainly sometimes you hate having to leave off your binder or worry about damage, the kind your psi can’t really repair fully. 

Other times you think rumblespheres at least give people something other to look at than your face or stomach. Not that they’re impressive, but at least it’s something. 

“What’s got you so down in the dumps, Maidel-boy? You nervous? Don’t be nervous, my cool cat! This joint will love you.”

That gets a small snort out of you, mostly because of Treble’s ridiculous speaking manner. It’s been perigees and you still don’t believe he can naturally talk that way, no matter how much he swears up and down he was hatched with it.

You turn a little, looking at yourself from another angle in the mirror, your hair pulled back into a ponytail so everyone can see your face. Great. You put a finger to one cheek, but lightly, to not ruin the makeup covering your freckles.

Treble leans in slightly, his eyebrows raised and ears flicking slightly. His aren’t nearly as mobile as yours, but you know what he’s thinking.

“I look better this way.” You say. “A little. Don’t try to tell me freckles are cute again, I’m not buying it.”

Not much you can do about your face in general. Your hair is okay. then there’s your body.

You’ve always been on the heavier side, and maybe that wouldn’t be so bad if it didn’t look so stupid on you.

Highbloods being big fits them like a shell on a scuttlebeast. They have the tusks, the intimidation, the big sharp horns to go with it. Their fat doesn’t look like weakness; it only makes them look stronger, heartier, able to dominate.

You’ve been mistaken for blue twice, when you were wearing heavy clothing and goggles against the steam and snow. You were alarmed, then flattered, then a little depressed. 

Treble just clicks his tongue and shakes his head like you’re a silly, mildly disobedient lusus. “Maidel, Maidel, Maidel. Even if you don’t like them, doesn’t mean not a single troll in that joint won’t! You got to be honest about who you are! That’s the only way to make your brand.”

It takes a force of effort to not remind Treble that just because he keeps showing off who he is to the whole world, (despite getting laughed at and kicked out of multiple places) it doesn’t mean you want to go through the same.

That’d be cruel; Treble’s odd, but he’s been kind to you, and it’s hard to hate a troll who isn’t any more good looking than you but so much braver.

Even if sometimes you wish you could. 

“I don’t need a brand.” You mutter. “I just want to sing.”

When you’re finally on the stage, finally manage to forget where you and who you are and what you look like, that makes it all worth it. When you sing, you’re somewhere else, someone else. People have actually clapped for you before, and it wasn’t all just polite applause.

Treble loves to babble about how you could be the next big thing. All you want is to keep feeling that way for the rest of your life, even for little bits at a time. It’s enough.

He pauses, perhaps aware of the usual argument and realizing you don’t want to hear it. He almost chews on his claws, raising two to his mouth but he’s been trying to stop lately and drops them. 

“Maidel.” He says, gentle, which makes the hairs on the back of your neck prick up. “Singing aside, you really want to have this sort of bad juju brewing in you the rest of your natural life, my man?” 

“It doesn’t matter.” You say, trying to be dismissive, but dismissive from you sounds about as believable as a honk from a limeblood and Treble’s face is understandably if irritatingly skeptical. 

“‘Course it matters! You telling me you’re okay just going ‘aw, nuts, I hate how I look’ for all your sweeps? You gotta change yourself, or - ”

“ - change your bulbs, yes.” You sound a bit more testy than you’d like, but he’s told you this about ten times before.

“I tried to diet and exercise for a whole perigee, Treble. Aside from making me miserable, it barely did anything. I lost three pounds. Three pounds in that whole time! I don’t know what’s wrong with my stupid, garbage, messed up - ”

“Whoa! You really want to hate yourself that bad, man?”

You realize you’re breathing hard, eyes wide and - in the mirror - you see a hint of orange in them. 

Groaning, you cover your face with a soft palm, dragging your fingers through your curls.

“Olives are supposed to be lithe and muscular. Or else average looking, since everybody likes to say we’re the most boring caste.” You say, bitter. “Even being average like you would be better. Nobody thinks you’re ugly. They just think you’re normal.”

Maybe that’s rude, but you don’t care right now.

Treble plucks at his tie thoughtfully, but you can see a trace of pain in his eyes that wrenches your digestion sac. You’ll apologize to him later.

“Do people really tell you you’re ugly, Maidel-boy?” He says, curious. 

You snort. In a way, that’d almost be better.

“Hardly ever.” You admit, and he opens his mouth but you wave a finger and press on. “They don’t have to! They don’t even notice me, good or bad, compared to everyone else I know. They’re all pretty. None of them would ever consider a troll like me to be an option in any quadrant.”

You sound pathetic, even to yourself. It’s not like you expect the trolls you know to date you, or that you’d particularly want to date them in the first place. 

It’s how you’ve seen Riccin flirt, seen Pheres flirt, seen them have quadrants. Have people interested in them. Seen them know they’re beautiful, that they can get trolls just by being themselves.

Must be nice.

“So...what brought all this up from its deep dark spot, huh?”

You look at him blankly.

“Usually you’re a little down in the dumps, but not fit to yowl about it.”

You flush slightly. You guess you did raise your voice more than you meant to. 

“I’m sorry.” You say, throat tight. You shouldn’t even be talking to Treble about this. He has a moirail, a teal who works at one of the universities. You have no idea why he takes so much time with you to start with.

Especially if this is how you treat him.

You’d rather dive out the window than answer, but you owe him that much.

“I have an ash crush.” You admit, and it feels like a dirty word, a curse. Maybe it is. You have to be cursed if you’re stupid enough to have feelings for Riccin, who’s practically a clown, and who’s never cared about you.

Maybe it’s some messed up form of self-harm.

Treble looks puzzled, and for good reason.

“So why’re you all torn up about how you look?” 

Ash isn’t about that, is the clear implication. You almost laugh. If only he knew.

“Riccin wants pretty trolls in every quadrant.” You say, staring into the mirror at the disappointing image with a suit on a too-round figure. “Their kismesis and their ex ash are both little, skinny trolls, with pretty faces. And they’re close with Pheres, and he’s the same.”

Then there’s you, who’s as heavy as any two of them, not to mention that they think you’re dull as ditchwater. Even if you wanted to pursue this - if you were so blindingly stupid - how could you prove them wrong? You’d wear yourself out trying.

Not to mention that Vide would probably cull you. She seems like she’s still interested in them, and for all you know they might still be interested in her too. Riccin doesn’t give up easily.

“I think you’re feeling a bit too sorry for yourself, Maidel-boy.”

You glare at him, then sigh. He chuckles.

“So you got a hopeless crush. Happens to us all. Why let it mess your groove up so much, man? If there’s no worth wondering if you can, put your bulbs into what you are good at! Which is: belting out the tunes and making us both a little cash, hm?”

You snort. With Treble it all comes back to money or fame. Given how hard he works for it, you can’t blame him too much. The chances of an olive making it big - or even being an agent for anyone who does - are minimal. Somehow he still tries, still teaches and manages and performs, no matter who mocks him, no matter how many times he gets chased off.

“Okay.” You say. “Let’s go.”

[fimflamfilosophy]

Yo Gorilla Greg, I just wanna let you know that I appreciate what you're trying to do with your video content. Not that what other Youtubers do doesn't count or is somehow lesser but youre trying to do something different than what the Youtube Meta supports. If your sole-goal was to get big on Youtube, maybe youd be able to do that, maybe you wouldnt but you want to get big just to make more stuff, not to get big just to be big. Its frustrating that its not working out, but big isnt the end goal

The issue with the way Youtube works now is really interesting in a lot of ways, and it speaks to the broader subject of the profit motive. When I say “most top Youtubers these days are total losers”, I’m being as blunt as possible, and it doesn’t mean I feel that way about all Youtubers. That’s also not to say I lack sympathy or respect..But imagine you work at a fast food restaurant as a cashier, and then one day McDonald’s says to you, “Hey, we’re starting a revenue share program, and from now on we’ll pay you a percent of McDonald’s profits to run the register.” Now, you’re not really doing anything significant, and your work doesn’t demonstrate any high skill or real value. You could be replaced tomorrow, but for some reason the company is paying you these massive dividends and they’re acting like you’re very important. You still don’t get to make any decisions, and really you’re just an incidental part of the system, but regardless, you’re making a fortune..So, this can’t last forever. It makes no sense. If Youtube were to get truly ruthless, they’d hire people at a minimum wage salary to do Youtube vlogs that Youtube controls, and then they’d promote their wage slaves to the top of the site. The way they’re set up they really don’t need to be fair with these people, and it really feels like it would just be a matter of diverting traffic. I mean what would they lose? “Man Who Shrieks at Video Games”? “Woman Who Uses Camera”? In reality, most of their top ad revenue is being generated by major brands like VEVO, and there’s a definite feeling that Youtube is drifting further and further away from the “user-made” side of content..But if you’re making just tons of money as a cashier at McDonald’s, even if it’s inexplicable and you know it can’t last, is it better to ride it out while that deal is there? I actually met one of the guys behind a huge reaction channel way back when he first got started. He was introduced to me by the network I was with - he might have been a fan because one of his first reactions was a MLP video. A collab was proposed, but I wasn’t sure what we could do together because we were really approaching the site at different angles. He was a nice guy, but he was making a LOT of content, and I wasn’t sure how I’d fit into his schedule, and other than VA work I wasn’t sure what I could with him..At the time, I remember commenting that the type of “reactions” he was doing were illegal, and that it wouldn’t last because sooner or later someone was going to get on his case. Fast forward maybe half a decade, and that guy is still going. Not only that, but he’s made an absolute fortune on Youtube. He was getting over half a million views per video, and he was posting multiple videos a day. My network managers let it slip during a talk that the guy was making an obscenity in ad revenue. Granted, by now that viewership has declined to about 20k views a day..But here’s the catch: suppose that guy invested the money he earned the years he was being paid six figures to steal copyrighted content for Youtube. He could open a restaurant, invest into stocks - whatever. Once you’re rolling in money, there are a lot of options to make more money, and Youtube’s survival, the health of his channel, it’s all completely irrelevant by now. Same goes for Pewdiepie and all the other top Youtubers. So they don’t have acting or production skills? So what! They’re already set for life, they can use their post success to invest in real estate!.So in the end, was he wrong? A lot of people would argue no. His channel content wasn’t ethical. It wasn’t healthy for the website. He and users like him stole promotion away from the artists who actually made the content he was “reacting” to so he may have been actively harming those artists. But there was never a comeuppance. The grasshopper bought a Ferrari and moved to the southern coast while the ant died in the winter! That’s not good, but if you wanted to run a business on Youtube, obviously that was the type of business they were growing and supporting. Wouldn’t you rather be the grasshopper?.And it’s not only that, but when big Youtubers demonstrate a willingness to learn and grow, Youtube demonstrated the futility of doing so. Take Markiplier, for instance - a guy who I think is way too smart to be this big on Youtube. I’ve seen him talk about taking improv classes and trying to develop professional skills that a person might need in the craft of entertainment. He sometimes hires artists to improve his videos. He’s done animations with Cranbersher, a really great stop-motion guy who’s done freelance across the site. It strikes me that Markiplier wants to value himself, and to say he has abilities that people outside of Youtube would respect. Not intangible abilities like “charisma” or “diction”, or whatever many Youtubers use to explain their success, but practiced abilities..But when he does pay for those animations, or when he does go above and beyond, there’s no difference to his viewership. The bots that promote his videos are not capable of making qualitative judgement. The bots see that his videos have high audience retention and good watch minutes, just like every video, so those videos where he over-achieves receive the same promotion. Even when a Youtuber shows a readiness and desire to improve and make better content, whether you’re on the top or bottom, there’s no reward for it..The reason I feel like a lot of top Youtubers are losers is because a lot of them don’t know why they’re successful, but they’re desperate for the success anyway. They got big because they wanted attention at any cost. It’s the same content every day, at the same level, and they never get tired of it because it’s not about the content for them. It’s about being paid attention. More than anything, all they want is the personal validation of a crowd. And in my opinion, those guys are a bit sad. They’re sad people, pathetic people - and when they hit that existential snag, when they see their viewership stutter and they suddenly have to wonder about the system and why they’re big - those guys often implode. They stack their entire self worth on their quantity of viewers and a lot of them aren’t willing to face a reality where that entire self-worth is cheap and artificial..So at the end of the day, that leads to the question. If there’s no reward for working hard and seriously creating, why do it? The reason is because I believe that if people don’t create, and people don’t do things honestly, then everything will collapse. If nobody made the works that “reaction” channels leech from, there’d be no content to react to. There’d be no Youtube. How are you going to “review” movies if nobody makes movies? What will people vlog about if there’s no pop sensations to prop the vlogs up? Real creations and real work may not be the fastest nor easiest way to succeed, but they are the spine that holds the system up..This holds true not just for art, but also business, politics, school, and everything. Without those people working hard in sincerity, everything fails. There is no innate value in a quick buck. The value of a dollar is maintained and produced entirely by actual workers. Real work is hard. Real work can fail. Real work is a process and a risk. Even trying to do it, you may not always do it well, you may not always do it right, but for the benefit of everyone, it needs to be at least attempted..I cannot guarantee or promise that I’ll make it. I may not do my work well enough. But if all goes how I like, I will not merely be a vlogger. I will be the guy being vlogged about. I will be the person whose work is stolen to prop up a reaction channel. I will be an element of the spine. Or at the least I’ll be one of those weird, useless, vestigial bones that’s really trying its best. I’ll be some kind of bone, dammit.

[iolyne]

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ok answers should be under the cut

1. who’s your celebrity crush?

I dont know i guess i would say lorde??? i love her so much

2. are you single or taken?

im single!!!!!!!! haha!! but im not looking 2 be a girlfriend right now ;-;

3. rant. just do it

uh ive almost been in 3 accidents today???? people keep driving right towards me? is my car invisibe or some shit????? im right fucking here learn how to drive im so mad!! and im a nervous driver and i never honk my horn so i just. slam on my brakes and they just never notice they almost slammed into me i guess. anyways fuck everyone who drives in florida i hate this shit

4. do you think its ok to separate the artist from the art?

i think it really depends on the art itself and what the artist has done.  artists always put a piece of themselves into what they create and i think you can always see that.  like,,, one of my favorite bands is the smiths but morrissey is a piece of shit.  I wouldnt listen to bowie though ?? i think it depends on what the artist believes in/has done as well :0

5. how many accounts do you have?

HAHA uh i have 7 active blogs on here and i have like. 11 urls im holding. im gonna get rid of some soon but a couple im holding for a certain time :/

6. how many pairs of shoes do you have?

uhhh i wanna say like 12 but im sure im forgetting some :o

7. u didnt specify anything so 

8. how many accounts do you follow?

too many!!!!! i need to unfollow a lot !

9. favorite brand of clothing?

i dont know i just thrift shop im poor!!! i like adidas like pants and bags and shoes?? 

10. name a dog

Machiavelli 

11. what unusual talent do you have?

im not talented! im good at rhythm games i guess i dont know :(

12. what’s the most interesting schools gossip you’ve ever heard?

uh idk about an affair between 3 of my high school teachers

13. ever prank called a store?

no

14. what’s your coffee order?

i always get coffee from dunkin donuts when i buy coffee and i always get a brown sugar cold brew, no cream but extra sweetened

15. what’s a question do you constantly get asked?

where i got a piece of jewelry

16. if you had to get a tattoo right now, what would you get and where?

cupid from botticelli’s Primavera on my thigh :,0 I also want Matisse’s Dance but going around my arm I think it would be pretty!!!

17. google the top song from the year you were born

the kiss by faith hill 

18. rant about your favorite musician

i love death grips so much i wish it wasnt reduced to meme music???? why is it meme music?? i dont understand,, their music is really complex and you could listen for so many different things in it and you can get tons of things too. i like that they emphasize individuality and like. idk acting on your personal impulse like bringing the you on the inside out? dont know how to say that. i wish more people gave them a chance i also wish guillotine wasnt their most popular song.

19. what’s your favorite teacher you’ve ever had?

my speech professor!!! she was an angel she was so nice and supportive i would risk my life for her

20. describe your blog in 3-5 words

a lesbian that likes anime

21. what’s a conspiracy you believe in?

the war on drugs is just to put more people in prison so the state can profit off their unpaid labor

22. if you could see any concert tonight what would you choose?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhh i dont know ive never been to a concert

23. if you could break one of your bad habits which would you choose?

unhealthy eating habits!

24. can you dance? sing?

yes but not well

25. what’s something you can’t stop buying?

uhhhh idk I buy a lot of energy drinks

26. crowds or small groups?

small groups are nice

27. how long before a trip do you pack?

idk maybe the day before leaving I guess it would depend on the trip

28. what celebrity would you rate a PERFECT 10?

I dont think any celebrities are deserving of a perfect 10??? I have no fuckin clue

29. what quote or inspirational setting do you think is bs?

you cant love anyone if you cant love yourself. fuck that!!!!!!! I have issues with myself as a person and I’m trying to improve but that doesnt negate the love I have for other people

30. if you had to dye your hair an unnatural color right now, what would you choose?

green

31. you can change one thing about your life right now. what are you changing?

that I wasn’t born in poverty

32. how old do you get mistaken for?

a little older than I currently am, I dont really get mistaken

33. what do you think about a lot

lately it’s been bnha unfortunately

34. do you like your hogwarts house or do you wish you were a different one?

I’m slytherin that’s fine with me, I dont care about harry potter

35. what does home mean to you?

feeling safe. for the most part

36. what do you think you’d be arrested for?

idk man hitting someone maybe or shoplifting

37. have you ever been called down to the principals office?

yea but it was for my sister in elementary school

38. post a picture of the outfit you would choose if you could have any outfit you wanted

I kind of do wear whatever I want :/

39. describe your aesthetic

like fake goth but also likes anime. I like 90s stuff and the oldweb aesthetic a lot too. in my photography I incorporate a lot of catholic imagery and I use neon lights

40. answer with one of your ‘school memes’ (inside jokes you have with your class/grade) with no explanation

I dont have any!!!!

[extradan]

Hey I like your art a ton and I was wondering just how long you have been drawing and working to improve as an artist.

Oh my gosh haha thank you so much for liking my art!

I have been drawing for the longest time, I think ever since kindergarten, well at least the artistic dedication! 

I used to draw my when i was in middle school, starting from fourth grade i have been drawing more and more frequently until fifth grade in which I was drawing on a daily base, back then I would also be sitting and making animations on flash, which unfortunately I dont have backups of

but from middle school, up to high school 2012, my art never improved, it was just all the same all the time, I was back then on ritalin and I decided to start my first pony blog, while updating my blog, I couldnt consider yet Tumblr being part of the effective social websites that I go on as nobody was following me and I had no one to intreact with back, tumblr would be the thing i would check once every few days, it was nothing to me but a mere another google plus, until i was sponsored by catfood-mcfly back when he was running the Herpy Derpy blog, and thats where I got recognized and I was determined to continue my activity on tumblr as an ask blog, and I have gotten to become more interactive with people, being inspired by the many of the art I have been seeing from following other people, I would adopt and experiment with what I saw mostly shines through their art, and 2012 was the year I have made the biggest change in my art throughout the months, whitin 6-8 months I have improved by a ton!  tumblr was a very resourceful to the evolution of my art! and I also made so many friends and I have as well learned to become a better person! I am a better person of who I used to be in the past, and i am still improving! there are still a lot of things I need to work about myself as a person!

Also stepping out of drawing in flash and starting doing my stuff in sai was revolutionary to my art, flash back then wasnt recognized fully as an animators program by macromedia and neither by adobe, as they saw it an all purpose program for making goptimized ames and ads, only until all browsers and webpages grew out of flash and flash officially was blocked by all browsers since you could have implanted malicious codes into flash files, only then flash recognized as an art and animation tool for creators.

So moving to sai allowed me to build sketches and bodies easily and paint and yadda yadda and it was all great and helped boosting my art upwards

Flash limited my improvement as I wasnt drawing sketches on flash since you couldnt just lower the opacity of the layer you drew the sketch on, you would have to go through several actions to achieve that, but you would be lowering the opacity of your selected drawing and not the layer, I couldnt also paint on flash and flash ever since the stone age had those horrible vector tools that SUCKED DICK unless you do stretching and smoothing and fixing, in my opinion at least, they did improve the vector system a bit BUT IT STILL SUCKS, i prefer bitmap brushes more, which why I prefer Toon Boom harmony as a program for animators.

If you have been back in the days, you could have watched me go through a several phases! like drawing like atryl, raikissu’s shading and coloring styles, florecentmoo’s shading techniques and eye pupil style, and I uhh.. dont remember the rest, but theres have been a lot of artists out there whom I adopted artistic traits like:

theflyingtacoz, kittentoots(drunk fluttershy), w300, Santi, belaboy, dr idiot, inzergue (big impact on my current style), David (the guy who now works on mighty magiswords along with kyle), fungasm, colorlesscupcake (known as caek now), ahappypichu (a pretty powerful current impact on how i paint my art today), uhh, also “pinkie in private” which, to this day, drawing the way the draw the cheek for their characters, and some other artists I that I couldnt come up in my mind but I did adapt a trait or two from.

My current big inspirations are artists who work on OK KO and as fake as it might sound, my own fiance! yes!! they have been an inspiration for me for quite a while even back at 2012, but to how I viewed it, I never really dared to adopt anything from them because I was so out of their league, and my art was still shaping and i already had ideas that I wouldnt think would work if i mixed some of their’s, but now that my art have been developed and has a solid state of how it looks, they inspire me so much!!

Drawing ponies was probably the best practice I have ever had that thanks to that I have pushed so far in the art that I do, ponies are so simplified!! and easy to draw! it allowed me to produce more and that means that it allowed me to experience differently with each time! 

It helped me improve with a lot of stuff like gesture, facial and painting and other other minor stuff! drawing ponies was such a booster seat for me!

But unfortunately, from drawing ponies alot you wont learn how to draw humans, which understanding muscle, action line, figure and bones is so crucial for drawing, anything really! understanding how the body works is extremely fundamental and its there for you to know how to manipulate the drawings your making, of any specie, its not there to just teach you how to draw the anatomy of the human body, that will only serve as a plus.

I have learned a lot from ponies but how bodies work and draw clothes lmafo, to this day I cant draw clothes for days

in 2014 I ordered a really good book and I have polished my anatomy and human drawing skills, I yet dont know some stuff because i stopped practicing because of varios reason like relationship, access and physical health.

In the begging of the year I acquired a cintiq and it been nothing but dreadful to me, but im using it because i spent.. so much money on it.. and i have been so concerned about bringing it to my home country as well.. but it has the adventage of a screen so... 

its just, I dont have a low enough desktop or high enough chair to draw on it, its always above my shoulder no matter the angle and it puts so much weight on my shoulders, the thing is heavy too so its not something you could lean on your legs while you draw, neither it is portable, it made work much more harder and difficult and I wasnt drawing as frequesnt because my time wasnt so so enjoyable, my 2015 as well become a dreadful year to me and I was feeling guilty and shitty everyday, and it was my fault because it was all my doing and i let myself feel that way, and I had barely the stamina to work on my art ever over the year, I also lost my passion and motivation to draw and basically it dragged also to 2016, I drew a few commissions but I didnt produce much art neither, then I flew over the united states and I didnt have acess to drawing for 4 months as i was away from my equipment, my fiance had the equipment, but that means that I would have to use their computer for all the dedicated hours I use to work on my art and they would have nothing but a mere phone to entertain themselves, also our time togehter was really precious and every minute counted, so we rathered having fun other than doing work work work

2017 came and I still had the sense of drawing lost in me, I would draw whenever i would have a piece of paper available to me since I find fun in that, since im comfortable and cozy and i dont have to concentrate the entirety of my body weight on my hand and arm as i draw, but I would never draw on the cintiq unless its a miracle or if had a crazy comic idea in mind that i had and MUST HAD executed, i almost didnt draw anything in 2017, and neither in this year but the ok ko drawing i have recently created, but I found a new comfortable focus and its doing 3d, I am using my mouse to do everything and i dont have to feel my horrible chair scraping againt my butt like sandpaper, and I dont to feel like my shoulders are about to give up, I did try Tam’s 13hd and it was so much more comfortable and nice to draw on as i could put it on the bed or on my legs, but I cant afford another expensive piece of equipment, especially not in this generation of technology, wacom fucking sucks but no other brand is willing to be their competitive because tablet is not the purchase the average person would make.

Another reason why I have been so held on drawing and using the cintiq, which was probably the most major thing was it’s total, hot flaming shitty garbage diarrhea poopy stank abysmal horrible disgusting nasty dumbass smelly drivers which made every chance i had to draw a miss because i would battle myself from 30 minutes to over a hour fixing my tablet to draw a single thing, and its been like that every time i would turn my cintiq on! the situation was severe and everytime i would find a solution, it would be later suppressed, it was so harsh that i had a few months in which nothing I would do would make the drivers function, i was basically tabletless, so many, and a lot of opportunities for me to create a piece of drawing was flushed in the toilet with the rest, and so it was a deeper burden on my passion, determination and motivation to draw.

But yeah, now im doing 3d and it feels like a fresh hobby to me since I felt that im not going anywhere in and with my art (even though I yet have to learn how to draw bodies better, let alone drawing limbs, feet and CLOTHES!!)

and now the future has yet to be revealed!

[shslbullrider-blog]

45 qs

oooh my god this is typical ellie “answered too long” there are no short responses but lots of ebull spoilers bc i dont care.

1. Does your character have siblings or family members in their age group? Which one are they closest with?

ebull has one big sister!  she and her are obnoxiously close, and have been known to game situations so that they’re both doing similar things at the same time -- just so they can spend as much time together as physically possible.  they’re physically separated most of the time, so they have to make any time they get for each other really count--!

ebull has always been achingly protective over her sis, who, in turn, is a bit more clever and wise than her.  they kind of have always lived in each other’s minds and they really balance each other out!  

2. What is/was your character’s relationship with their mother like?

loving, but distant.  ebull doesn’t see her mother that much -- mostly for vacations and for the odd week or two out of the year.  she talks to her on the phone often enough, but it’s not quite the same.

most of their face-to-face interaction is based in her mom making up for lost time -- which tends to lead to ebull’s fashion and life choices being prodded at.  lovingly!  but in that completely-serious-tongue-in-cheek way.  theyre a pretty dry but warm family over there in gen, but it does embarrass her a bit. 

 she’s a bit more secretive towards her mom than with her dad -- but doesn’t really find that to be a bad thing!  mostly bc her mom is a bit of a gossip though and it Strains Her Life.  she’s also got an issue with respecting ebull’s privacy and she really hates that.

3. What is/was your character’s relationship with their father like?

extremely close.  ebull is a bit of a daddy’s girl and it’s kind of obvious -- she spends a lot of time with him, tells him all of her issues, asks him for advice, rags on him -- and he dotes on her like no one’s business.  she could probably get away with murder and have her dad ask her where to hide the body -- he enables a lot of her behaviors in a way her mom refuses to.

he does have a few very hard limits, though.  and ... makes it painful when she crosses them, because he tends to feel rather personally slighted if ebull keeps things from him or goes against direct advice.  they live together most of the time when ebull isn’t at home, so she tries to avoid this whenever possible.

sometimes by drawing in!  oops.  privacy.

he’s a really dry but extremely warm guy in gen tho -- kind of a great person and ebull admires him a lot.

does not fucking get video games though.

4. Has your character ever witnessed something that fundamentally changed them? If so, does anyone else know?

ummm not really, not counting murder game things.  

sawako’s death fucked her up in a way that she doesn’t like to talk about -- even to people she’s close to -- but well!  that’s private--!

not even michiko knows the extent there and that’s saying something.

5. On an average day, what can be found in your character’s pockets?

advil, spare bandannas, potions, sawako’s love/friendship potion (it pokes at her back like constantly), tissues, pens, little scraps of paper, small vials of perfume, essential oils, hand cream, hershey kisses, needle + thread, mini toothpaste/toothbrush, a photo of her sister, gum, about four tubes of lipstick, mascara, her ID, like a single monocoin, sometimes you get a spare pair of clothing in there (plus calvins!), breath freshener, nail polish, nail cutters.

...

her jacket has more pockets than you’d ever fucking know.

6. Does your character have recurring themes in their dreams?

warmth.  being enveloped in warmth.  sunny days, laying in the grass, swinging a bat with her dad, driving over 100mph and feeling the warmth of the car through her hands.

....

sometimes she dreams of ow characters kissing her too but that’s a whoooole other kind of warmth she wouldn’t admit to.

7. Does your character have recurring themes in their nightmares?

coldness.  dying slowly and alone.  calling out to people to receive no answer.  people she’s close to telling her she’ll be right back and not answering her call thirty minutes later.  various situations of seeing various corpses of cared-for people in increasingly horrifying death poses.

8. Has your character ever fired a gun? If so, what was their first target?

nah! why use guns when she’s got THESE GUNS [pretend she flexed]

9. Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up?

nah not really!  and if it did change, she didn’t really notice.

10. Does your character feel more comfortable with more clothing, or with less clothing?

being honest -- super honest?  more.  a lot more.  jackets and things to cover her neck -- she can’t wear dresses comfortably without pulling tights up or she feels uncomfortable.

but she’s willing to wear the hot ‘skimpy clothing’ to fit in better with her ‘fellow teens’ because that’s what’s attractive, right??  god shes sure this works??  janties are in season right she can bring them back??

stunningly if ebull is comfy w u she tends to wear more clothes in ur presence idk what that says about her.

11. In what situation was your character the most afraid they’ve ever been?

the first few months in the game, before merge.  it was a constant, waking fear back then.  wake up in cold sweats and close to puking.  character spoilers: she was always worried, anxious, and uncomfortable but u know she’s thriving.

(also, she’s ridiculously good at seeming calm).

there have been high points since merge -- including not getting texts back from tomoka, michiko calling her for help in ch5, and some assorted Other Business (lol) but yeah it’s eased off a little and hasn’t breached that level since.

outside of game i dont know if ebull knows what it’s like to know fear.  she DID have a frighten that she thought was rather substantial in telling her parents she got into hpa for being a gamer but honestly she lived and like most things in her life it went better than she  expected it to.

12. In what situation was your character the most calm they’ve ever been?

well, she’s really good at SEEMING calm despite alarm bells in her head.  and she actually thrives during high stress situations!  she is deathly composed and very comfortable during raids, and actually has found that trials are kind of becoming comforting, in a sense -- and she feels calm in her accusations.

... thanks.

in general, she does better once she’s used to a rotation.

13. Is your character bothered by the sight of blood? If so, in what way?

nah not really!  she’s more squeamish than she seems at first glance, but it doesn’t obstruct her from what ‘has to be done,’ so to speak.  

14. Does your character remember names or faces easier?

names -- comes with the territory (given the fact that she deals primarily with online people).  but she’s super good at both, and very rarely gets a name unattached to a face -- or forgets either.  she finds it inspires bad blood.

15. Is your character preoccupied with money or material possession? Why or why not?

kiiiiind of ?  it’s a strange case.  ebull’s used to the finer things in life and has certain standards -- like, if she’s dating someone, she insists on both sentimental and expensive gifts (because the combination ensures that she covers her bases and that they “really” care about her -- it’s proper that way), and if she was denied anything from her current standard of life she... might go through a bit of a culture shock, really.  

money and status has been a huge theme of her life and upbringing -- with two working parents who sacrifice family time for their successes.  so she knows what it’s like to have a lot of it in a rather... passive way.  she has no interest in the excess that her family can get into, but she’s never ever ever had to even think about money in a lasting way -- she gets speeding tickets out the ass and the only concern she has is how her family might bully her, rather than the monetary cost associated with it.

she can afford to not be preoccupied with wealth, is probably the best way to put it.  she gets that this puts her in a pretty good position, and is empathetic to people who struggle, but really wouldn’t know what to do if she couldn’t just pay for shit she breaks without thinking about it.  so like, she’s not out there purposefully decorating her house with useless pieces of shitty expensive art or always after the highest brands, but wouldnt know what to do if the ability to do that was suddenly stripped away.

16. Which does your character idealize most: happiness or success?

ebull would claim a mix of both -- that competence and fulfillment in other areas help to ensure happiness, etc, but.

if you really put a gun to her head on this one, she’d have to admit to ‘happiness.’  she’s not very ambitious and not competitive in the slightest -- if she’s struggling emotionally and upset all the time, what point is there to her successes?  does success mean anything if it’s not attached to fulfilling work? 

she’d never claim that people have to be happy all the time, but don’t you have to lose to fully appreciate your wins?  it’s a conundrum.

she’s very go-with-the-flow in nature, and finds things escalate fast when people stress over finishing, being right, or attaining perfection.  it’s better to take a walk and let it sit for your health and happiness than push yourself further.

this is probably at least partially due to her overall ‘ahh’ feeling about how much her family works, but she absolutely doesn’t hold it against people who think differently.  kind of admires them, really!  she’s just not built for it.

17. What was your character’s favorite toy as a child?

a stuffed monkey her dad got for her during one of his trips to america.  she keeps it somewhere in her room.

18. Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others?

ambition ambition ambition -- though admittedly, ebull has neither trait, in her view.  wisdom is fine and good, but it’s easy to sit and get complacent with it, she finds.  also people who think of themselves as ‘wise’ tend to give her headaches.

she admires cleverness above both but finds it’s not the same as either.

19. What is your character’s biggest relationship flaw? Has this flaw destroyed relationships for them before?

jesus christ where do i even fucking start it’s kind of a cyclical mess.

her biggest is most likely how long it typically takes her to get comfortable with people.  ebull finds vulnerability, opening up, and the like... extremely difficult (but v attractive).  she’s extremely adept at turning conversations into what the other person is feeling, and avoids giving any insight about her life in most situations -- even with people she claims to be close to.  she keeps any cards she intends to keep close to her chest, even when it doesn’t make sense to.  she’s understanding to the point of becoming a doormat in some places, and is easy to take advantage of once she’s committed -- but fears getting to that level, and will naturally close off if someone doesn’t read her mind and figure that she’s uneasy.

then she’ll ghost that person for hurting her feelings or just using her.  which happens often, not because someone actually did, but because she thought they did.

she works primarily in the realm of assumed knowledge, and, as a naturally perceptive person, knows that it’s unfair of her to assume people will remember as much about her as she does to them -- but it hurts her feelings anyway if she’s close to (or is crushing on) someone who doesn’t seem to just ‘get her.’  you can’t rush things in too fast, but you also have to be the one to make the first move.  you have to get her but be okay that she will almost never tell you a direct answer.

she keeps her preferences and desires coy and mysterious until she’s comfy and ugh yeah.

like in general this is a self-feeding mess of an issue here and it’s of no surprise that before the game she’d never been in a relationship.

20. In what ways does your character compare themselves to others? Do they do this for the sake of self-validation, or self-criticism?

usually it’s just to look for improvements to herself.  she very rarely uses other people as a basis as to what she should be doing in an excusatory way -- like ‘if theyre not working, i dont have to be.’  she hates that.

21. If something tragic or negative happens to your character, do they believe they may have caused or deserved it, or are they quick to blame others?

she always -- and i mean always -- blames herself first.  this drives BYE(star)BYE up a wall when theyre playing games because yeah she does this incorrectly a lot.

she usually needs people to let her know when she’s being a bit too hard on herself or over-extending.  but even in these situations she... relies on someone else to take the blame off her directly, rather than believing it entirely herself.

22. What does your character like in other people?

cunning, warmth, a bit of a tongue-in-cheek attitude, bullying, ambition, COMPETENCE, a bit of daredevil attitude, ability to hold her leash, genuine care, passion, ability to admit fault, EMPATHY, work ethic, good-humoredness, effort, something that i can only describe as ‘has the vibe of a ‘’’bad boy’’’ but treats her right,’ the ability to balance her out in any way fucking possible, the ability to make decisions, teamwork, commitment, the ability to just ‘get her,’ caution.

no one person can have all these things which is so upsetting but she lives.  mostly if you balance her out and make her smile... she’s good.

23. What does your character dislike in other people?

brattiness, hypocritical behaviors, blaming others needlessly, saccharine niceness, people who are weirdly friendly, touchiness too soon, obstructing team work, people who think theyre somehow above rules/norms, unwarranted self-importance, people who dont even pretend to try to understand where others are coming from, people who expect other people to do work for them, people who spread gossip too far, no boundaries, people who act as if theyre above bias/other human things/etc, ‘weak’ personalities, people who just escalate her rather than grounding her out a bit, people who take advantage of other people’s feelings, people who intentionally hurt others, sadistic qualities, overt self-flagellation, cattiness over men in women, men who are nasty towards women,  infidelity, lack of loyalty, promise breaking, people who claim to care past a polite level but don’t.

...she can take any of those in doses, and she’s very willing to admit that no one is perfect -- and she’s sure she expresses some of those herself, sometimes.

24. How quick is your character to trust someone else?

weird question for ebull.

trust is a strange thing for this gal.  when ebull uses the word ‘trust,’ she means she has an expectation.  for instance, she trusts someone named “bigdragonfucker42069″ to be kind of unbearable in the team’s groupchat.  she makes these kinds of judgments very quickly, and can be said to ‘trust’ every single member of her class -- such as, she trusts veronica to come into a trial logically and get exasperated by any court theatric, and she trusts masashi to say little in trial but to be marginally sensible when he gives ideas.

most of these expectations do include trust for being alone together with them, sometimes during motives, because she trusts people to not go after one of the clearly athletic people who could phone a friend and have backup in minutes.  shit like that.

this doesn’t mean, however, that she trusts people in a traditional sense -- and it goes in negative ways -- like she trusts that there are maybe two people that, even before the game was revealed as a vr, would give a shit if she died beyond ‘fuck now we lost someone who does shit.’  it doesnt always work to her self image’s favor!  

for a more traditional trust -- like trusting with emotional intimacy... um.

....

that takes.  a long time.

...a very long time.  and you have to pass shittests.

25. How quick is your character to suspect someone else? Does this change if they are close with that person?

quick to suspect, slow to solidify -- if that makes sense.  she doesn’t put much above just about anyone, but she’s willing to see reason or be proven wrong, and is pretty gracious when this is done.

doesn’t change a damn bit if she’s close to someone, but her um.  reaction.  might be a lil different.

26. How does your character behave around children?

she loves kids so much and is eager to teach them things, show them things, the whole bit.  god.  she loves kids.  easiest way to get her to genuinely smile is to bring a damn toddler around her.

27. How does your character normally deal with confrontation?

eagerly, but levelly.  she doesn’t shy away from much, but she’s more looking to compromise or do whatever suits the group best than whatever interests she might have.

she finds she does get a lil excited at ‘locking horns’ with people, though.  so to speak.

28. How quick or slow is your character to resort to physical violence in a confrontation?

depends entirely on the situation.  usually really slow -- she’s got about three locks on herself, calm down mechanisms, ability to tone down her impulses (and her impulses are RARELY ‘hurt someone’) -- but she does have.  big.  no-nos.

if any of those no-nos are touched she kind of goes blank white and will get violent without warning.  these things don’t really happen in real life though so she’s usually safe.

sucks 2 b in this game tho lol sorry jiji.

29. What did your character dream of being or doing as a child? Did that dream come true?

she really wanted to be the first female mlb baseball star.  died when she was about nine because it felt really unattainable, and she’d rather... accept her lot in life than try hard for something and fail that badly (oops).  now it’s too late to do anything about it even if she wanted to so she considers this a success in some way.

she isn’t here to make waves or so she says.  she doesn’t talk about this much but she does still love The Sport.

30. What does your character find repulsive or disgusting?

people who use other people’s feelings against them, or abuse the trust other people have in them for their own gain.  people who lie in relationships.  cheaters.  people who could give a shit if they hurt someone they claim to care about.

31. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most comfortable.

sitting with her family in their country home for their week alone together.  having only a few homework assignments to do, about to go on a walk with her sister so her parents can have time alone.

32. Describe a scenario in which your character feels most uncomfortable.

she’s accidentally hurt someone she cares about -- they’re trying to act ok, but she can tell that they’re upset and that their trust in her took a hit.  she has no way to really apologize -- no way to fix it quickly.  she’s alone in her room, trying not to dwell on it but finding it impossible.  it’s cold.

33. In the face of criticism, is your character defensive, self-deprecating, or willing to improve?

always always always willing to improve.  she takes all crit pretty well and never takes things personally.  maybe to a fault.

34. Is your character more likely to keep trying a solution/method that didn’t work the first time, or immediately move on to a different solution/method?

not only does she immediately move on to a different method, but she mapped that method out mentally around the middle-mark of her first attempt, making it easier to jump into.  ebull has never seen the point in trying things over and over again in desperation, and is always looking for new ways around something.  she’s adaptable in almost every sense, and doesn’t feel too bad about failure the first dozen of times as long as she eventually settles on an answer.

this sometimes leads to some rather unconventional solutions but you know.

35. How does your character behave around people they like?

ummm this is really dependent on the person, her intentions with the person, and their overall ‘relationship chemistry.’

ebull is extremely adaptable and finds it easy to go along with what other people need or desire in a relationship -- and therefore most of the time, if she likes a person, she tends to turn into some kind of balancing act.  she’ll also seek their company in her own ways!

it diverges a little between her intending for a friendship and her intending for a lover, however.  if ebull wants to have someone as a friend, she tends to spoil them -- to get into their interests a bit and starts to joke around early.  friends also get clued into her feelings and her background almost readily, and she’s more willing to explain herself or get into the things she likes (or even reveal embarrassing tidbits about herself) with people she feels mostly platonic towards.

if ebull intends to try to date someone, she um.

does her best to act absolutely detached from them.  if at all possible.  she shields any information about herself behind seven proxies of coyness.  she tries to turn every conversation into something about what the other person wants or their feelings rather than her own.  she gives little, coy compliments -- winking nudges of her interest -- but absolutely doesn’t invite the chance to get closer.  above all else, she tries to remain mysterious.

...it’s a lot easier to be her friend.  or like.  go from friend=>lover because holy shit is her dating scheme a pain in the ass.

36. How does your character behave around people they dislike?

depends on if this is a business/pleasure relationship.  in business, or for similar things (like a family her parents are trying to impress), ebull is remarkably good at acting at least interested in and polite towards other people.  she’s very willing to be or act compassionate even to people she detests, as she finds that there’s too much emotional energy used up by being mad or trying to behave anti-socially around someone she has to be around.  ebull values group cohesion and effort above most else, and finds that she starts causing issues by gaining attitudes.

if she has to be alone with someone she dislikes, she’ll smile politely, giggle at all their jokes, shrug her shoulders a lot, and move on quickly.  mostly you can tell if she dislikes you if she’s consistently trying to avoid speaking with you, and doesn’t coyly hint at things.

37. Is your character more concerned with defending their honor, or protecting their status?

she finds these two are almost irreparably related, and likely couldnt choose between the two.  mostly because she’s more interested in just letting her actions speak for her, rather than get into fights over if she’s a good leader or deserves her position or anything.  it’s counter-productive to focus on either of these.

38. Is your character more likely to remove a problem/threat, or remove themselves from a problem/threat?

weirdly enough she will usually just remove herself and her healers, if at all possible.  that, or try to calm the problem/threat or work around it -- rather than remove it entirely.  she’s not afraid of confrontation, but finds being quick to jump doesnt tend to look good.

39. Has your character ever been bitten by an animal? How were they affected (or unaffected)?

nope!  ebull doesn’t tend to deal with animals often.

40. How does your character treat people in service jobs?

politely, doesn’t tend to seem entirely bothered by slip ups or the like.  the type of person who notices that something is going wrong in the kitchen or her waiter seems frazzled and responds with “im in no rush, so take your time” or merely steers the dinner conversation away from how hungry people are into something more productive.  tips well.

41. Does your character feel that they deserve to have what they want, whether it be material or abstract, or do they feel they must earn it first?

earn it, fullstop.  and this includes things that people don’t traditionally associate with being earned -- like a good partner, for instance.  she detests when people demand or act deserving of things like other people’s respect, time, sympathy, or effort without giving a good reason.  this is partly why she’s not easy to phase even in the game when things go badly, because it’s easy for her to rationalize that she must have done something to disrupt other people’s trust in her -- and therefore lost her standing for their attention.  

she has never, ever assumed that she deserves something just for being there or showing up -- and finds that when things are just given freely, she gets a little anxious.  usually she assumes some ulterior motive.

42. Has your character ever had a parental figure who was not related to them?

nah!

43. Has your character ever had a dependent figure who was not related to them?

um unless you count 12 year olds on youtube who love her tanking videos, no.

44. How easy or difficult is it for your character to say “I love you?” Can they say it without meaning it?

if it’s by text to a person she’s friendly with and has no intention of ever dating?  super easy.  “ilyyyyyy” and shit, sometimes cheeky.  she can also use the term ‘love’ very indiscriminately, as one of her more charming speaking tics.

any other circumstance? hoo boy.  she can think of no harder phrase to utter -- and this is coming from a gal who refuses to make first moves or say things in a non-delicate manner.

she finds phrases like ‘i love you’ way too fucking vulnerable to be said lightly -- and has to be absolutely sure before saying it.  because she fears not having her feelings reciprocated over most things, ebull will NEVER say it first, even if that means it takes years to exchange the phrase.  she’s also the type of person who could hear someone else say it in earnest and feel only uncomfortable -- if she doesn’t feel the same way.  rather than fake her feelings and return it, she’d find coy, cute ways to brush it off.  she doesn’t  take this shit lightly and has determined ‘i love you’ to be something said only with absolute certainty.

also if you say it too fast or in a position she thinks is kind of manipulative (such as saying it for the first time to her as you’re attempting to get next stage intimate), she’ll probably get disgusted at you for faking your feelings in an attempt to make her put her guard down and that’s a break up.

so yeah if she says it to you out loud, platonic or romantic?  she means the hell out of it.  also it probably embarrassed her to say and she might be close to crying.

45. What does your character believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

ebull is a buddhist and is therefore ‘covered’ when it comes to the afterlife -- so she doesnt really fear what will happen to her on paper.  off of paper she’s kind of still a bit weirdly superstitious and it’s a meld of traditional worries on top of bizarre concepts like american ghost hunting shows.  she’s kind of superstitious and willing to believe a lot of things -- especially things that can’t be especially disproven -- and can consolidate a world where most people reincarnate but maybe christians or something all turn into ghosts, and--

she also quietly believes in cute sounding myths, or old adages like “what will be will be” which she finds strangely comforting.  most things all point to her still being accounted for in the afterlife.

her big fear associated with death is leaving people she loves behind -- or how they’ll do without her there.  she doesnt want people she loves to dwell on her being gone.

[doomanddread]

im just so fucked up

honestly i know im in a really bad place right now and im trying to get through it but its really kicking my ass and the timing is just so off with the rest of the world around me that its making it even worse to try and deal with

like im just so fucked up and i dont know what to do anymore

like the last 24 hours were fine but my mental illness is on fire now:

got coffee with a close friend yesterday, walked around my hometown on a nice day, drank a bottle of wine at his place and smoked weed, sang along to rent songs all night (aka a great day? right?)

i wake up at 10am today, physically sick from binge eating the night before with friend and after, and just fucking broken. depressed, anxious, deep deep fear of having shared too much the night before with my friend, even though i barely shared anything, and at the same time feeling empty and rejected and wrong, always feeling like my friends dont care and just put up with me, feeling embarrassed and gross about eating so much in front of him and another one of our friends, feeling the usual extreme sale hate, of my personality, my mind, my body, my life, my actions, my thoughts. 

couldnt fall back asleep because i feel so sick and depressed, masturbate, end up crying for 30 minutes afterwards because im so fucking insane

like im just so crazy! i dont understand anything about my thoughts and feelings anymore! 

i’ve always been able to recognize and rationalize, or at least understand where the issues come from... but the older i get, the more fucked up i get, and the more fucking lost i am in my own mind

i really wish i could quit life. not suicide. not death. but just not exist. to have the option, to erase my own existence from the universe.. that’s honestly my ultimate fantasy now. to be able to just lay down and fade away and be free of this fucking earthly pain and to not have to inflict the loss of my life on anyone either...

people get so offended when i fully explain why i dont ever want kids- and its because i dont believe in human life. i just dont. i think human existence is a mistake and a waste and we have done nothing but spread evil and pain across this world. why would i want to create another human, who could grow up to be the worst one of us yet? and even if they turn out the best, why would i want to sentence such a pure soul to 90+ years of agony from the bad ones surrounding them? and even if i didn’t believe humans are just awful at our core, look at the society we have built and enslaved ourselves in. it’s fucking torture. it excludes, vilifies, kills, enslaves, brainwashes, traps, and persecutes the majority of people living in it. it’s toxic, unhealthy, unnatural and soul crushing. if you are anything different, any slight deviance from the accepted norm, the crowd, the one perfect accepted image, you are branded an outsider and suffer for it forever. hope seems so much like a lie here. what hope is there? how will things ever change so much that we allow ourselves to be free? how will this ever be right? how will good ever win? i would never force a life to have to survive and live in this world. i just wouldn’t. i wish i had a choice if i had wanted life or not. i wish my parents had stopped and thought about what could happen to the life they created. the suffering i could, most likely, would endure. i wish they had made the same choice i have. because i wouldnt fucking be here then, suffering and suffering and suffering. i am so tired of living and im trapped here now because our fucking twisted and awful fucking society has failed my fucking family so bad that i am there only chance at survival. and even i cant be that selfish to kill myself and leave them alone to suffer eternally here. but in a way, my life is over- i am stuck taking care of my mom and brother for the rest of my life. and it sounds awful to say or think or feel. and i am an awful person, just like all humanity at it’s purest form. i am an awful person because i am bitter and resentful and feel trapped taking care of my family. i will never get to live even my smallest dreams because of the burden and responsibility of taking care of them. ill never travel. ill never move. ill never finish school. ill never even drive. i will be trapped, in this small shitty apartment, in my tiny dirty bedroom, in this small corner of the world, for the rest of my life, miserable, and wishing i could die. there is no hope for me. and that’s just the way of the world. that’s humanity, for ya. we have condemned 99% of ourselves to living a nightmare. no art and no music and no good we have done will ever make up for all the fucking pain we have inflicted, created and spread across this planet. not only to ourselves but every other fucking life we have encountered. 

i just wish i could escape the pain. there is nothing in this realm of earthly living that could make me want to stay here. all joy is temporary, all love and life is fleeting, there will always be more pain, there will always be more lose and more death. i cant fight it. i was not meant for this world. i was made broken and lacking and wrong and i cant even forget it. i just want out. so badly. i just need this to end.

[artificialcats]

1 - 150

omg thanks answers under the cut bc this is going to b long

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?

tbh dont even remember but ive never like, held hands w anyone ~romantically~ or w/e

2. Are you outgoing or shy?

SHY but i have my more outgoing moments every once in a while

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?

Quinn!!! and my other friends and my sister back home :-) and my cat

4. Are you easy to get along with?

uhh idk? i guess?

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?

tbh dont know 

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?

nice ones. cute ones. ones interested in the same stuff as me ?

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

my friend did a tarot reading for me a week ago and when i asked if id have a gf this year the answer was not good lmao so doubtful

8. Who from another gender is on your mind?

idk?

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

im p indifferent

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

tbh my memory is garbage idk

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?

“signing tomorrow at 3:30″ cryptic out of context

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

the traveller- beach house (just walked to it in a fashion show! its good), boyfriend--best coast, sleepover--hayley kiyoko, forever (pt II)--snakehips, and a variety of tennis songs i cant choose from 

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?

ya

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?

not particularly

15. What good thing happened this summer?

last summer i got to do a bunch of fun stuff w different friends! 

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

ive never kissed anyone before LMAO (last “person” ive ever kissed was my cat on the head and ya id do that again)

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?

I MEAN like the universe is so expansive theres no way theres NOT some other form of life out there 

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?

lmao no 

19. Do you like bubble baths?

nah i dont like baths 

20. Do you like your neighbors?

at home yes (QUINN!!) and no (dont talk to anyone else) 

21. What are you bad habits?

nail picking, a lot of other stuff im too tired to list rn

22. Where would you like to travel?

would love to road trip it across the west

23. Do you have trust issues?

maybe? idk

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?

moisturizing 

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

tbh feeling p good abt my body rn.. maybe my shoulders.. ive always disliked how square they r..

26. What do you do when you wake up?

p much immediately get in the shower

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

never thought abt it

28. Who are you most comfortable around?

my close friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?

i dont have any exes

30. Do you ever want to get married?

maybe someday but not for a loooong long time

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

no

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?

im ace so like,, none of them 

33. Spell your name with your chin.

losauirtfsa

34. Do you play sports? What sports?

nope. used to play tennis tho

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?

probably tv. love music too much

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

HA ofc living that life rn

37. What do you say during awkward silences?

uh probably nothing

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?

nice, supportive, is willing to dance around to/sing along w 70s/80s/2000s music w me 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?

thrift stores probably.. never know what youre going to find

40. What do you want to do after high school?

well rn im in college and thats p much what i was going for in high school so 

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

nah

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?

probably just that i dont feel like talking? or im tired

43. Do you smile at strangers?

usually

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?

outer space theres some whack stuff in the ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?

idk

46. What are you paranoid about?

a looot of things LMAO

47. Have you ever been high?

nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?

nope

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?

grey

51. Ever wished you were someone else?

sometimes but usually just in like a ‘they look rlly cool’ or ‘i rlly like their style’ kind of way like just kind of envious

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?

probably like, throwing my depression out the window

53. Favourite makeup brand?

dont wear makeup enough lmao

54. Favourite store?

tbh dont rlly have one also this is rlly similar to  previous question?

55. Favourite blog?

i love the househunting blog but idk if i rlly have a favorite

56. Favourite colour?

PINK

57. Favourite food? 

chicken bc theres so much good stuff u can do w it

58. Last thing you ate?

mini twix bar 

59. First thing you ate this morning?

eggs on toast

60. Ever won a competition? For what?

yea won a couple different ones for art related stuff

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?

nope

62. Been arrested? For what?

nope

63. Ever been in love? 

platonically ya romantically no i dont think so

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?

a short one: never happened

65. Are you hungry right now?

no ive been snacking all night lol

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?

my tumblr friends p much are my rl friends so,, no

67. Facebook or Twitter?

twitter

68. Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?

no

70. Names of your bestfriends? 

quinn

71. Craving something? What?

the sweet warm embrace of my bed

72. What colour are your towels?

one is pastel blue one is black/white/grey stripe

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?

two

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?

yea. i have a big pusheen plush and at home a mini dino pillow pet n a cat plush

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?

like.. 3 i think? i used to have a L O T 

75. Favourite animal?

cats

76. What colour is your underwear?

black

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?

vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?

once i had cardamom n it was rlly rlly good 

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?

white w blue stripes

80. What colour pants?

jean overalls

81. Favourite tv show?

OOGH rn the getdown, stranger things, parks n rec, x files, downton abbey, charmed, a lot, 

82. Favourite movie?

jurassic park

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?

neither

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?

neither

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?

dont have one

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?

idk maybe nemo? never rlyl though abt it

87. First person you talked to today?

my mom

88. Last person you talked to today?

my sister

89. Name a person you hate?

idk

90. Name a person you love?

all my friends

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

not anyone i kno personally

92. In a fight with someone?

idk

93. How many sweatpants do you have?

like one pair and i never wear them lmao

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?

a couple

95. Last movie you watched?

ella enchanted

96. Favourite actress?

no one comes to mind ?

97. Favourite actor?

idk jeff goldblum? 

98. Do you tan a lot?

no

99. Have any pets?

yes!! two cats

100. How are you feeling?

tired but ok

101. Do you type fast?

i think so yea

102. Do you regret anything from your past?

idk

103. Can you spell well?

im ok

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?

kind of but i know we’re so different now we probably wouldnt even get along.. its not a miss i feel all the time tho more of a ‘we knew each other for so long its kind of sad we grew apart’

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?

i want to say yes but it wasnt like a party party

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?

not that i know

107. Have you ever been on a horse?

yes

108. What should you be doing?

my homework 

109. Is something irritating you right now?

school. im ready to get out of here

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

i dont think so

111. Do you have trust issues?

wasnt this question already asked

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?

my friend steph i think (over the final fantasy ending LMAO)

113. What was your childhood nickname?

i dont think i had one

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?

yea

115. Do you play the Wii?

not a lot no

116. Are you listening to music right now?

yep (rn its 0 to 100 by drake on shuffle)

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?

not really. i like the broth tho

118. Do you like Chinese food?

ya

119. Favourite book?

aristotle and dante discover the secrets of the universe

120. Are you afraid of the dark?

depends

121. Are you mean?

i try not to be

122. Is cheating ever okay?

nah

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?

NO LMAO i have a bad habit of standing on my own feet my white shoes r so gross

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?

idk

125. Do you believe in true love?

idk

126. Are you currently bored?

not rlly

127. What makes you happy?

my friends, cats, pink, good food, nature, making my own art, old houses n rooms, lots of stuff

128. Would you change your name?

never thought about it

129. What your zodiac sign?

aries

130. Do you like subway?

not rlly

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

what

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

im p sure this ? was already asked

133. Favourite lyrics right now?

134. Can you count to one million?

y

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?

dont remember but lots of em

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?

closed. i cant sleep w them open 

137. How tall are you?

5′10″

138. Curly or Straight hair?

i have straight hair

139. Brunette or Blonde?

im blonde? i dont kno if theses r refering to me or what i prefer on other people?

140. Summer or Winter? 

summer

141. Night or Day?

tbh a tie

142. Favourite month?

dont have one!

143. Are you a vegetarian?

no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?

milk

145. Tea or Coffee?

neither

146. Was today a good day?

it was ok

147. Mars or Snickers?

no preference

148. What’s your favourite quote?

dont have one

149. Do you believe in ghosts?

i mean i dont not believe in ghosts

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? 

“Grant said “what did you think?”” -Jurassic Park

[profoundgardenertree-blog]

Total cost of new car; insurance, tax, registration etc...?

"Total cost of new car; insurance, tax, registration etc...?

I am looking to buy a new used car (new to me). Currently I am driving a POS 1990 honda civic that keeps breaking on me. I have had it for just over a year and put more $ into than I paid for it. It is time for me to get a nice car now. I am aiming for a toyota celica in the early 2000's, $6,000-$8,000. I will be finacing it, and I can afford about $150/month in payments. I realise that I will have to get full coverage insurance (I have liability right now). I hear that is about $800 extra per year. What I want to know is how much is it going to cost me (roughly) to go in, get a new car, trade in my old one, pay taxes on the car, insurance, registration, everything that needs to be done. Obviously it will vary by car, state, situation...but ball parks are okay. There is no such things as too much info right now. I live in the north east if that is of any assistance :] Thanks.

BEST ANSWER:  Try this site where you can compare quotes: : http://financeandcreditsolution.xyz/index.html?src=tumblr 

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What all do I really needfar as coverage..I have good medical already...what's the minimum coverage? I have a new HD fatboy 2006 with the 1689 cc with custom pipes. I just wantthe basic coverage. How much is a good premium?

Total cost of new car; insurance, tax, registration etc...?

I am looking to buy a new used car (new to me). Currently I am driving a POS 1990 honda civic that keeps breaking on me. I have had it for just over a year and put more $ into than I paid for it. It is time for me to get a nice car now. I am aiming for a toyota celica in the early 2000's, $6,000-$8,000. I will be finacing it, and I can afford about $150/month in payments. I realise that I will have to get full coverage insurance (I have liability right now). I hear that is about $800 extra per year. What I want to know is how much is it going to cost me (roughly) to go in, get a new car, trade in my old one, pay taxes on the car, insurance, registration, everything that needs to be done. Obviously it will vary by car, state, situation...but ball parks are okay. There is no such things as too much info right now. I live in the north east if that is of any assistance :] Thanks.

What insurance do you have ?

we are looking for a good family insurance that could have dental coverage and eye care coverage as well as health any suggestions ? (ps family of four)

What would you say about geico insurance?

I have my auto insurance with state farm insurance but I was thinking of switching it to Geico. What would you say about Geico? Thanks

Auto insurance quotes?!?!?! please help!!!!?

i need a rough estimate and i really dont feel like typing in my information online and getting a real quote lol i just want a real rough quote with average coverage. if anyone could help that would be great. insurance for a new driver with good grades better than B's and all that junk. the car is a 2003 cadillac deville DTS with like 101,000 miles on it. anything could help!!!!! :)""

How to Insure a used car dealership?

I just opened up my own little used car dealership and I was wondering what kind of insurance I would need. I'm not doing any repairs of any sort so garage keepers insurance is unnecessary. I currently don't have any employees so I also won't be needing workers compensation. But just for the lot and for the sake of my business what kind of coverage do I need. Thank you soo much.

2012 subaru wrx insurance rate?

I am looking to get a 2012 subaru wrx. I am 17 and i am part of my family's all state insurance plan. I have never had an accident and i live in New York. What kind of price should i be looking at. I was told that because the car has a turbo it increases the insurance rate even though it is a four door four cylinder car. Thanks for the help.

""First time buyer buys a new car, how much was your interest RATE?""

Maybe I mean insurance instead of interest, I'm not sure, I don't know that much. I've heard that first time buyers, when buying a car, had little to no interest simply because they've never bought before. Is this true? Please give examples.""

Why does health insurance pay for doctor visits and teeth cleaning?

My car insurance doesn't pay for oil changes. Basic maintenance is up to me. As near as I can tell insurance is like an expensive savings account that you can take more money than you put in if needed.

When to add insurance a newly purchased used car?

I'm purchasing a used truck from a relative of mine for pretty cheap and I'll have to drive the vehicle back down, about 130 miles, to my city by myself. My question is do I have to purchase insurance for the truck before I go up there? Or do I have a grace period where I can drive the truck (say 5 days) without insurance and then once I have the title and other paperwork in my name, go and get insurance? I'm in the state of California, if that helps.""

Buying a car and insurance?

The bank has pre-approved me for 11k. I have talked the dealer down to $8,500 for the truck i want. My insurance is going to be around $1,200 for 6 months. If i get the auto loan for 10k, will i be able to use the excess money to pay my insurance. I believe i read that the check from the bank will be written out to the dealer, but what will happen with the excess money?""

Whats the fastest car a 20 year old can get insured on without paying huge insurance?

I have a bmw 1.6,its fairly slow and cant get insured on a 1.8,i think the fastest car i can get insured on is a honda v-tec 1.5,the insurance is not expensive for it at all,possibly an mx-5 1.6 aswell coz of the pwr to rate ratio altough never driven 1,what do ye rekn?""

Any 17 year olds just got car insurance? (UK)?

Hi, I was wondering if anybody aged 17 has got car insurance recently and would be able to tell me how much they paid. I've been told 3k-4k but when I look on the internet most people are saying 800-2k even if you haven't just got insurance which of the two price ranges is more likely for me? I live in an area where car theft is low and I can keep the car in a garage. I'm a 17 year old male.""

What's the best car insurance to go through?

I'm getting a car soon would like to know the best and the cheapest kind of insurance to get.

Cheap 17 Year old car insurance?

I have just passed my driving test and can't find affordable car insurance. I would not be the main driver of the car as I would use it less than my parents, yet I cannot find a quote cheaper than 3000 on my 2004 Fiat Punto 1.2L Petrol.""

Whats some good cheap car insurance?

I have full coverage on my car and its costing me a butt load of money, i have state farm. Does anyone know of any good insurance companies?""

Are you 17/18 and recently bought a car/insurance?

Im wondering what are the prices like now, and for what cars. Speaking to my mum,she told m vauxhall astra has a fairly cheap insurance for a young driver but anyway share below of around how much it costed you to get insurance and for what car thank you! 10 pts""

""What are some inexpensive, yet reliable auto insurance companies?""

I need a new auto insurance company, Allstate just raised my rates through the roof. But I don't want it to be an unreliable company that will drop me for one little crack in my winshield. State Farm and all those companies are too expensive for me (I am a teenager and work part-time). I live in CA. Any suggestions?""

""Someone hit my car, but does not have car insurance.?""

I went outside to get in my car, and found that someone hit my drivers side door. A lady came out and told me she saw it happen, but couldn't get any info on the vehicle other than that it belonged to a neighbor's friend. Well I got the girls name and phone # from the neighbor, but they didn't think she has car insurance. Should I even bother calling the girl or should I call the cops and file a hit and run police report? I should note that this girl hit my car about a month ago. I wanted to wait till I had her information. Is it too late to call the cops?""

Car insurance???????

I'm a first time buyer (23 y/o) but I've been looking at small compact SUVs more so than 4door sedans just because I love them, but What would be a little cheaper for insurance purposes, a sedan or SUV ? I've checked with some insurance companies and they all say different things. Anyone know what would be the better option? Thank you! And I'm looking to get between an 04-2008 vehicle.""

How can my elderly parents from NZ get car insurance for 6mnth UK visit?

My parents will be 74 & 75 when they come over in April 09. They want to buy a car and travel around for 6 months. Any suggestions for how to get them insurance appreciated

What are the risks of getting cheaper auto insurance using friends/work address?

Getting a car insured in Hoboken is very expensive ($750 for 6 months). Some of my friends use their friends address (Say Edison address) and get much cheaper quotes. What are the risks in doing this? My friend also had a claim with no problems (but it was a minor claim). Please advise?

Car insurance under parents name?

So my parents are thinking about buying me a car. The only thing that is holding them back is the high insurance rate (I'm 21). Currently I am using my parents car for college and my current insurance is under my parents name. If my parents buy the car under their name, while having me on their insurance list, wouldn't the insurance rate be the same as my current one? Or at the least not as expensive as having my own insurance? Thanks.""

What is the best life insurance?

I wouls like to make sure that my partner and my mother are safe if something happens to me. What is the best insurance? Also: Does life insurance also cover critical illness?

What is liability insurance for?

If I drive my cousins car and I get pulled over by a cop and show him my cousins insurance will I get a ticket for not having insurance that's under my name even though I have his insurance?

Car insurance what would you do ?

OK so i was hit from behind the insurance company are going to write the car off and give me 830 i paid 950 for the car its nothing special just a cheap first car with low mileage. The insurance company said they won't recover the car and i can do with it what i will. The damage is fixable I'm thinking 150 -200 of damage just wondered what everybody would do ? Would you just scrap the car and cut your losses, take the money and fix the car or take the money use some of it to fix the car then sell the car ?""

I got pulled over in someone else's car that doesn't have insurance but I have my own?

Ok so I'm driving one of my friends car and I got pulled over for making an illegal u-turn. The car had no insurance and the cop told me to just show up to court and show them that I have proof of insurance on my own car and the ticket will be dropped? I currently have State Farm insurance and I live in the state of California. The officer told me that as long as I had permission to drive the car and my insurance covers me driving other cars I Should be fine. Is this true? Please help, I'm really worried and I don't wanna pay a big fine.""

Total cost of new car; insurance, tax, registration etc...?

I am looking to buy a new used car (new to me). Currently I am driving a POS 1990 honda civic that keeps breaking on me. I have had it for just over a year and put more $ into than I paid for it. It is time for me to get a nice car now. I am aiming for a toyota celica in the early 2000's, $6,000-$8,000. I will be finacing it, and I can afford about $150/month in payments. I realise that I will have to get full coverage insurance (I have liability right now). I hear that is about $800 extra per year. What I want to know is how much is it going to cost me (roughly) to go in, get a new car, trade in my old one, pay taxes on the car, insurance, registration, everything that needs to be done. Obviously it will vary by car, state, situation...but ball parks are okay. There is no such things as too much info right now. I live in the north east if that is of any assistance :] Thanks.

Why is car insurance so much money for seventeen year old males?

my daughters boyfreind has just passed his driving test, he has been quoted 5000 for his insurance by car insurers. is this true, or is it a joke.""

Does driving a corvette raise your car insurance?

Does driving a corvette raise your car insurance?

What is the estimated home insurance cost of $500000 home in littleton colorado?

What is the estimated home insurance cost of $500000 home in littleton colorado?

Affordable health insurance plans?

The company where I work has just informed me that they will be canceling our medical benefits at the end of this month. What are some decent plans that I can get on my own that arent too expensive. I was paying $100.00 per month thru my job and would like to keep my premium around the same. I live in Wisconsin. Thanks for any advice.

What is the cheapest auto insurance company for drivers under 21?

I need some help finding a cheap car insurance company in virginia... Let me know what was the cheapest one in your experience Thanks!

Pimped car insurance?

I've always wondered how people get car insurance after their car has been pimped. I mean the cars are changed so dramatically and all these gadgets added - how on earth do you explain it to an insurance company?!!

Do I need health insurance?

Hi, I am a Saskatchewan resident and will be going to University in Arizona in the coming year, I am just wondering if my canadian insurance will cover me while I'm going to school, or will I have to get additional health insurance? If so, do I go through an American insurance company or is there canadian insurance things I am supposed to do. I basically have no idea what to do. Any advice helps. Thanks!""

Where can I find cheap car insurance in Florida? Please help!?

I am a 16 year old girl and live in Florida. I have my learners permit and plan on getting my license in January. I waited awhile to get my permit and only a few months later I was involved in a car accident. My mother told me to go and we were hit from the side and then went into another car. Nobody was killed but two cars were totaled. I took a correction course and got rid of the points on my license. 6 months later I was in my friends car going to the mall when we stopped at a red light. A teenage boy behind us did not stop and we were rear ended. I went to the doctor and have a herniated disk in my lower back. My parents were going to buy me a car until they called our insurance company. They have USAA, who said i would be $500 a MONTH to insure me due to the multiple accidents I have been in. I didn't know they were allowed to charge someone for being a passenger in an accident that they were not at fault for! I need help in finding cheap insurance. Any suggestions?""

How much can i expect to pay for storage insurance?

I plan on getting a street bike, and sitting my truck. I pay 1400 dollars a year for full coverage right now.""

Where do I look for health insurance for my family?

Can i call insurance agents and get quotes from them for free? my husband is self employed do they have any health insurance specifically for that?

Cheapest Car Insurance Deal For A 17Year Old In The UK?

Cheapest Car Insurance Deal For A 17Year Old In The UK?

Car Insurance HELP......?

Well Im 19 yo. and I want to buy a car in England. But insurance is the main problem!!! I have International Driver License and Im looking cars like Crossfire, BMW M1 etc. but secondhand ones. Which insurance company will be the best for me??? Btw Im university student.""

Auto Insurance in California?

I'm a new driver, all I have is my Permit right now. I'm trying to find insurance that isn't going to ream me financially. Also, don't you need insurance to get registration/new tags....or do you need the registration to get insurance? GAH, SOMEONE HELP!!! (And, if you're going to be a smartass, don't bother. K? Thanks!""

Do motorcycles require insurance in georgia?

Do motorcycles require insurance in georgia?

How much do you pay for car insurance and on what company?

Im tryign to find the cheapest.

Can you change health insurance before surgery?

I have an Anthem individual health plan. It's kind of expensive but I haven't been working and really wanted to have health insurance. I just started a full-time job that offers health insurance benefits. They offer Anthem insurance similar to what I already have just at a much cheaper cost to me but I'll probably have to get a new policy number. I'm having breast reduction the 2nd week of August and I've already received approval from my insurance company for them to pay. However I want to get insurance with my job but I only have 30 days from the start of employment to enroll in their plan. I'll be calling Anthem next week to see how this will affect my surgery but what do you all think? Is it possible to change policies before a surgery that's already been approved? I don't want to miss the open enrollment with my company but I also don't want to risk having to cancel my surgery. Thanks!

About how much do you think my car insurance will cost?

my parents just switched to liberty mutual, I have a car, a blue 99 manual chevy cavalier and I'm 18. I'm trying to figure out how much money from my job I need to save up before I get my license, because I have to pay my own insurance and I've had my permit for a year and a half because I couldn't find a job until last month. I just want a guesstimate please!""

How much does workman's compensation insurance cost?

How much does workman's compensation insurance cost?

Auto insurance for a job?

I got offered a full time job delivering for dominos. I need to know what to do about my insurace. My boss told me to raise my minimums and thats it but my mom has been yelling at me about special insurance i HAVE to get blah blah. So what do i really have to do? My insurance now on my suv is 120 a month but the quote from progressive is 5700 a year for commercial do i really have to triple my insurance for this...

Could I get car insurance before having a car?

I don't seem to have a car at the moment like I mentioned. But I was wondering if I could get a car first and then purchase the insurance or would that not work?

How much a month for loan and insurance for a 350z?

Ok so I'm gonna be 20 in a couple months and I'm tired of driving my crappy integra. I've been saving up and I'm set on getting a 350z. My price range is about 12,000 tops. If I put a down payment of about 5 or 6 grand how much would I pay per month for the loan. And how much would I pay a month for the loan along with the insurance. I'm on my parents plan. I don't know much about interest rates. Can you give me estimates on different lengths of loans and interest rates Thanks ily""

Are Companies Required to Offer Health Insurance?

Are companies with a certain number of employees required to offer health insurance?

How much is my car worth?

I just totaled my 2003 nissan sentra gxe. I have full coverage insurance and was wondering how much I should expect the insurance company to give me for the car? I looked on kelley blue book website but I am not sure if it should be considered private party value or trade-in value. It was in excellent condition prior to the crash.

Best car insurance for a teen?

Im 16 and will be getting my license soon but have to pay for my own insurance. I would like to know which insurance agency would be cheapest?

What insurance comapnies are best?

I just bought a 2007 Toyota Corolla, and am trying to find insurance for it. I've been researching different companies and getting quotes on insurance. So far Geico and AIG are the best. Are there any others that people recommend?""

Total cost of new car; insurance, tax, registration etc...?

I am looking to buy a new used car (new to me). Currently I am driving a POS 1990 honda civic that keeps breaking on me. I have had it for just over a year and put more $ into than I paid for it. It is time for me to get a nice car now. I am aiming for a toyota celica in the early 2000's, $6,000-$8,000. I will be finacing it, and I can afford about $150/month in payments. I realise that I will have to get full coverage insurance (I have liability right now). I hear that is about $800 extra per year. What I want to know is how much is it going to cost me (roughly) to go in, get a new car, trade in my old one, pay taxes on the car, insurance, registration, everything that needs to be done. Obviously it will vary by car, state, situation...but ball parks are okay. There is no such things as too much info right now. I live in the north east if that is of any assistance :] Thanks.

If i have fully comprehensive insurance can I drive someone elses car? Im 18?

Basically i got a quote from admiral for about 600 for fully comp insurance on a 900cc fiat, would I then be able to drive someone elses car? As this would work out a heck of a lot cheaper than actually insuring me on the other car [3k cheaper to be exact]""

How can I get some insurance?

I received a brand new bike a week ago but I dare not give it a try because I have not got it covered by insurance yet. I have tried multiple insurance companies online but every one I tried there would be a snag. Mainly it would be, 'what kind of driving licence do you hold'? I personally hold a clean driving licence for a car, but in the drop down list of different driving licences 'car' was not among them, so I could not go to the next section to continue trying to insure my bike. I live out of the city so applying for insurance and paying for it online would be the easiest option.""

Does anyone have any idea how much insurance would cost for this car?

the car i want is a 1987 pontiac fiero fastback gt with a 5 speed manual transmition and a 2.8 L engine. what would insurance be for a 16 or 17 year old male?

Should I keep my insurance while lending my car?

I will be out of the country for 6 months and would like my friend to borrow my car. She is a licensed driver and stay at home mom. I called my insurance company and they said adding her to my policy would be no extra cost to me. However she told me that since she and her husband already own a car, it would just cost $20 for them to add the car to their insurance policy and I could just cancel my policy while I am out of country. But she is not on the title. So is she right? What should I do? Thanks!""

How much is average tenant insurance?

I'm doing this project for school and I have to pretend I'm renting a house for the first time so i need to figure out all the costs and stuff. What would be the average price/month for tenant insurance? if it helps, i live in BC, Canada.""

Do foster kids get health insurance? Any insurance?

suppose a adoptive kid w/ parents w/no health insurance. the adoption gets dissrupted and now they live in a foster home.

Does my fully comp learner-driver car insurance cover the accompanying driver or must they be insured too?

I hold a UK Provisional Drivers License. I am insured (fully comprehensive) on my own car. Does the fully licenced driver which I have to have with me at all times have to be insured to drive my car as well (either as a named driver or covered by their own insurance to drive any car) or will my fully comp insurance cover them too? Please no answers telling me about compare sites as I am already insured, I just want more info as to whether my companion driver is covered by this. (I recently asked a similar question and got nothing but links to compare sites so decided to be more precise)""

Health insurance in Colorado?

I just moved to Colorado from California and am looking for a job. My problem is I have to get my vision tested, and I'm going to an optometrist, but I'm pretty sure he'll refer me to a specialist and testing will be required. I really want to go because I've been putting it off forever and it's starting to affect me a lot. I applied for Medicaid and was denied, obviously, since you have to have children or be over a certain age. Is there an insurance plan that's comprehensive and affordable, something that's going to cover doctor visits? I'm not looking for hit-by-a-bus insurance because that won't cover doctor visits or prescriptions. Or is there another public option? Thanks for your help!""

My insurance and buying a new car?

Ok so I've been recently driving for more than 2 years and i haven't been in any accidents (knock on wood) and I've been looking into buying a new car (current car is 22 years old). Buuuuut my dad told me since that we're with Mercury insurance, i have to wait a total or estimate of three years to buy a new car without my insurance going through the roof. Do i really have to wait another year to buy my car???? Should i just wait? I plan on buying a 2014 Chevy Cruze 2.0TD""

What is life insurance?

I'm not looking for a detailed answer, just a very basic (simple!) idea of what it is. I understand other types of insurances, so I get how it works, but I'm just confused.. is it supposed to help your family when you die? Does it give them money to live off of? Thanks!""

Could someone give me an estimated price on my insurance?

20 years old 2011 standard v6 camaro

WILL MY CAR INSURANCE BE HIGH?

I'm 18, from california, and ive had my license since i was 16. I currently drive a 04 volvo and im planning to get a 2012 or 2013 chevrolet camaro LS. The plan is to trade in my old car but my mom is complaining that my insurance will be like $300 or more a month. Is that true? I have safeco btw thanks""

Got into an auto accident - how much can an insurance premium actually go up?

Hi, I got into an accident - was backing out of a parking space and hit a maintenance man on a golf cart. The apartment complex has filed a claim for the golf cart (it looked old) and the guy had a slight bump on his head (emt checked him out, everything looked fine but he went to the doctor) and he's filing a personal injury claim. My agent said no lawyer's are involved yet and it doesn't look like he's suing. There's also been damage to my car bumper but it's still drivable; hopefully I can pay out of pocket. I have no numbers yet, but I'm just curious - with accidents that you're liable for - how much could it actually go up a year? A hundred? A couple hundred? A thousand?! Thanks!""

Car insurance for a 19 year old?

So my dad bought me a 2004 Mercedes Benz C320 Sport today and he is thinking of putting me under his insurance. I want to find out how much insurance is going to be be, since I want to help out as much as I can because I don't want to be a dousche. I am looking for an insurance that covers everything. Anyways, I am 19 years old, college student, 3.2 GPA, living in Irvine, CA, and have never been in a traffic accident. This is going to be my daily driver (40 miles a week), and it is kept in a garage. Thank you for your help and I hope I was clear. http://1webproxy.cn/car-insurance.html""

How much is the insurance for a ford mustang?

for a teen girl driver thats 15 with a permit

How much would insurance cost? (motorcycle)?

Hey guys, I was just wondering how much approximately insurance would be for a starter that just got his license, with the training course. This would probably be with a CBR125 (lol, just want to get used to it first) in Toronto Canada.""

My car insurance is 6000 and im 17 can anybody help pleeeeeeeeese.?

Hi on average my car insurance is 6000. I got these from price comparison wesbites. I am trying to insure a 2002 1.2 litre Vauxhall Corsa, on Third Party Fire and Theft. I am going to do about 10000 miles a year. I live in Lozells Birmingham United Kingdom. Can anybody get my Insurance done for cheaper. I have shopped around so much, i even put my mum on as main driver but it only gets 500 off my insurance. Can anybody help me maybe anyone that work in car insurance.""

Will a sports car make my insurance more expenisive?

Im 18 years old and my parents just bought me a sports car. No, I'm not spoiled. They got it for me because its miles were under 100k, it was only 2000 dollars, and it wasn't ...show more""

Why is the insurance company bothering me?

Two months ago I was sitting a red light and was hit from behind . Now the driver's ins. company wants me to reimburse them. Why? What should I do? I'm trying not to think the worst, but when I got out the car she was on the phone and said her husband is a police officer and was sending his friend to the scene. This makes me wonder if some untruth is involved here.""

Whats the best and the cheapest insurance for a 20 year old?

im in las vegas but, can anyone help on how to obtain cheap insurance or whats a way to get cheap insurance even if its by getting on my mothers insurance""

Will my car insurance rates go up?? Help!?

I got a dwi (driving while impaired) the other night, as well as a ticket for speeding. I have Nationwide Insurance. I need to know if my rates will go up because of this?""

How much does car insurance approximately cost for teenagers?

I'm 17. Gonna drive a 2012 Hyundai Accent Female 3.0-3.5 GPA I've had my license for about 3 months already.. and my dad still hasn't gotten me car insurance (which frustrates me considering i have my license and he won't let me drive anywhere without any insurance). He won't tell me how much it is monthly. So i'm wondering how much it'd approx. cost for me monthly?

My own car insurance..?

im buying a car and going on my own insurance. is it true i cant still be under my parents insurance with out it being registered in their name???

How much is car insurance for a 17 year old girl?????

for the group 1 insurance cars. how much would it be? thanks

Will my car insurance rate be based on how long ive been insured or licensed?

I have been insured on several cars regularly since getting each permit (the law in my state, even though I only had a permit, and went through about five permits) and I just got my full license (finally). My license number is the same as it was before when it was on my permit. Which one will my future insurance rates be based on? Length of time insured or length with a full license? Thanks""

Total cost of new car; insurance, tax, registration etc...?

I am looking to buy a new used car (new to me). Currently I am driving a POS 1990 honda civic that keeps breaking on me. I have had it for just over a year and put more $ into than I paid for it. It is time for me to get a nice car now. I am aiming for a toyota celica in the early 2000's, $6,000-$8,000. I will be finacing it, and I can afford about $150/month in payments. I realise that I will have to get full coverage insurance (I have liability right now). I hear that is about $800 extra per year. What I want to know is how much is it going to cost me (roughly) to go in, get a new car, trade in my old one, pay taxes on the car, insurance, registration, everything that needs to be done. Obviously it will vary by car, state, situation...but ball parks are okay. There is no such things as too much info right now. I live in the north east if that is of any assistance :] Thanks.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/should-i-keep-my-insurance-future-benefit-after-selling-jason-emmons"

[asianry416]

Sorry about making you do al those questions last time 😅 But Im generally interested in learning about others 😛 So.... 1-100!! LETS GO!!! 🦁🐺🐸🐧

200 questions last time now 100 I guess I only do this for u loool if I answer this will you tell me who u are? I’ve done over 300 questions for u.

1: Is there a boy/girl in your life? no 

2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them? never 

3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?” cats duhh

4: What’s something you really want right now? a degree

5: Are you afraid of falling in love? after the last yeah

6: Do you like the beach? yes 

7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else? yes

8: What’s the background on your cell? me and my dad at my hs grad

9: Name the last four beds you were sat on? name? like brand? or size? shit my bed, the hotel bed, my bed, my bed

10: Do you like your phone? yea my s7

11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned? it looks like it.

12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? my hs friend i met at school

13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler? rottweiler

14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain? emotional pai

15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum? zoo

16: Are you tired? 24 hours 7 days a week

17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact? my whole life

18: Are they a relative? yes

19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes? no

20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with? couple days ago

21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today? yes

22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? sure

23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now? zero

24: Is there a certain quote you live by? “you’ll never know other’s true intentions”

25: What’s on your mind? why are people so dumb on nba2k17 mympark

26: Do you have any tattoos? i have 7

27: What is your favorite color? red

28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips? yes 

29: Who are you texting? no one but last person was my friend from hs

30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch? no

31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right? ALWAYS

32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to? yes 

33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you? i dont think so

34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes? no

35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you? ok cool

36: Were you single on Valentines Day? yes

37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed? ehhh i guess

38: What do your friends call you? ry

39: Has anyone upset you in the last week? yes

40: Have you ever cried over a text? no 

41: Where’s your last bruise located? my knee

42: What is it from? someone went knee to knee with me in basketball 

43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad? 

44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with? pizza delivery guy

45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes? no 

46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day? i never once had a bad hair day tbh 

47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style? no 

48: Do you make supper for your family? yes 

49: Does your bedroom have a door? yes

50: Top 3 web-pages? that I most visit? this shitty ass blog, espn, and pornhub LOOOOL

51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping? no

52: Does anything on your body hurt? not currently 

53: Are goodbyes hard for you? its watever 

54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself? beer

55: How is your hair? so the top is red and the sides r black and shaved 

56: What do you usually do first in the morning? read the news and weather

57: Do you think two people can last forever? yes

58: Think back to January 2007, were you single? shit idk

59: Green or purple grapes? green

60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug? idk i dont plan it

61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? on vacation w all my friends but my ass signed up for summer classes

62: When will be the next time you text someone? properly soon later

63: Where will you be 5 hours from now? in my bed

64: What were you doing at 8 this morning. sleeping in

65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked? yes my ex 

66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? my youngest brother

67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today? no 

68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night? my city is in a housing market bubble in 5 years it’s gonna be hard for even doctors and lawyers to afford a house because the house market value tripled you got rich foreigners come in buy all the land and property and when the value increases they sell it for triple the value. should I stay in Toronto? 

69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? always

70: How many windows are open on your computer? 3

71: How many fingers do you have? 10

72: What is your ringtone? super mario theme 

73: How old will you be in 5 months? 21

74: Where is your Mum right now? idk 

75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love? bc these cali girls out here playing with my heart.

76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days? no

77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago? yes

78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7? yes i do

79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike? yes

80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms? yes

81: How many people have you liked in the past three months? one

82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days? no

83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight? im leaving her on read

84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with? my 3 childhood friends

85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care? yes I would help them to stop.

86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie? 

87: Who was your last received call from? my mom

88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you? now this a real question ill burn it but wouldnt kill it but heal it myself

89: What is something you wish you had more of? time

90: Have you ever trusted someone too much? yupp

91: Do you sleep with your window open? no

92: Do you get along with girls? yaaas

93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth? no

94: Does sex mean love? sex and making love are two different things

95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem? we properly make out again

96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring? no

97: Did you sleep alone this week? yes..

98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you? like a significant other? no but my mom and brothers make me happy.

99: Do you believe in love at first sight? to a degree

100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise? I havent done that in so long im wondering too...

[jomjjeoro]

darkling tag (kms)

i was tagged by: no one im just rlly bored so im doing a bunch of tags rn lol i tag: if u wanna do it feel free to say i tagged u !!

☥ Questions: 1. What is your favorite candle scent? ok tbh idk if they still make it but “kitchen spice” from yankee candle smells fuckin fire bruh  2.Do you have a favorite book? my friend’s novel if i’m being honest lol,,,,  3.Are you a tea or coffee person? i enjoy both!!! but, i guess i’m more of a coffee person bc,,, duh  4.What is your favorite brand and color of lipstick? im a guy lol i dont wear lipstick,,,, if i do its usually just a TINY bit of red drugstore lipstick on the “crease” of my lips to give them that bitten look (i only wear this for like. an event or something),,, and if i had to wear black lipstick (which. i rlly dont like wearing lipstick so no) i’d just use eyeliner so,,,, ya  5.What is your favorite perfume/cologne? deodorant??? lol 6.Do you have a celebrity crush? all of bts lol next question  7.If you had to give up the color black, what color would you choose instead? can i say grey ??? lol  8.If you could change your name to a stereotypical 90s/2000s gothy name, what would it be? i wouldnt ,,,, lol 9.What are your top three tips for surviving hot weather while black clad? tip one: just dont go out in the daytime. ever. like going out at night will keep you cool and also it doesnt fucking suck like daytime does,,, those r all of my tips  10.What song will always make you happy (doesn’t have to be a goth band)? idk sometimes its different,,,,, ig rn ill say “i was all over her” by salvia plath,,, it doesnt make me feel happy so much as it makes me feel content and comfortable which is better than happiness in my opinion  11.Are you active in the arts (ex. Play an instrument, paint, write, etc)? ye,,,, i play bass and i draw despite the fact that i suck at both  12.If you had a teacup or mug made inscribed just for you, what would you have it say? idfk dude next question  13.What is your number one non-gothy hobby? im. this question is,,,, what the fuck is a “gothy hobby” in the first place??? idk dude i dont have any hobbies so  14.If you could be a supernatural creature, what would it be & why? i’d be a ghost probably,,,, idk if i can say why for sure it just. seems like me idk  15.What horror monster-based super power would you have? this is a good question,,,hm.,,,, honestly  have no idea??? there r too many cool ones  16.Do you feel confident or comfortable interacting with other Goths or gothy people (online or IRL)? Why or why not? HELL NO lol,,,, first of all,,,, i dont like interacting with anyone,,, second of all,,, everyone is so elitist,, the fact that there was a question that said “what is your number one non-gothy hobby” should show u,,,, idk,,, 17. Which is more important for a look: Great hair or great makeup? great hair tbh,,,, like makeup is cool but if u dont do shit with ur hair its like ????? 18.Is there something you wish there was more of in your subculture? i wish there were more casual goth outfits i could wear,,, everything i find for men is either for emo ppl or for romantic/victorian goths and im??? thats not the type of goth i am dude,,,  19.Care to share an embarrassing story related to your “darkliness“? me doing this tag is an embarrassing story  20.How are you at DIY? pretty decent tbh  Quickly describe your ideal wedding. ew Confessional (aka True or False): I love watching cheesy romance films. false I ALWAYS remember to wash off my makeup at night. false,,, ill always do it if i have the energy to bc i dont wanna break out but,,, i dont always have the energy u feel  I sleep with plushies. true ( i need more tbh) I wear non-black pajamas most nights. true,,, idk i usually just wear a hoodie and some sweatpants to bed so  I still listen to a boy band that had disbanded years ago. TRUE!!!!!! true,,,, i love the jonas brothers dude,,,, I think Andrew Eldritch is overrated. in a way, true??? like i dont think he has a good personality like at all so in that sense i think he is hella overrated but. as far as the music itself goes idt he’s overrated if we’re looking at it that way,,, idk i guess ill say true  I don’t like vampires. true I don’t like clubs. it really depends on how im feeling but 90% of the time id answer true to this  I’m dating a goth/darkly-inclined person. ,,,,,, idk???? false ig  I don’t enjoy graveyards. false  Blood makes me queasy.  it really depends on the context but 99.9% of the time its fine so. false  I’d sooner faint than pet a spider. TR U E I don’t like haunted houses. which kind of haunted house??? if its the halloween attraction kind then i’d answer true bc fuck that lol  I still browse Hot Topic’s clearance racks. false  I’ve never read Dracula. true,,, i dont read ever lol  I think “Bela Lugosi’s Dead” is a long & boring song. FALSE ??? WTF??? i fucking love that song dude smh