#i would like to think nobody is insane enough to put that in their computer but you never know

[mla0]

Whats wrong with ubuntu

well technically nothing, really. the company that owns it does have some telemetry going on (nothing as bad as windows or mac, though) and they've been pushing these things called "snap packages" on ubuntu which slows down your computer, but other than that, ubuntu is fine

(though, i did use it when i first switched to linux, and it randomly broke my entire computer during an update. i've never had that happen to me on another distro, even the more difficult ones, so. doesn't seem as stable as it's cracked up to be)

the joke with ubuntu among the hardcore linux users is that it's a beginner or "noob" distro, pretty much the opposite of arch where people think you're some kind of god if you can install it (these fucks don't even know about gentoo....) so you'll see people trolling on ubuntu users a lot. you don't see it as much with other newbie distros like mint because i think the hatred for ubuntu's company adds onto that mocking a lot of the time. ubtuntu is literally the butt of a joke and it's very funny

also in that post i made a joke about "put rm -rf /* in the terminal" because that's also an in-joke. some more trollish users who better understand their computer system will put that command into memes or jokes as a sort of lesson to not run random terminal commands from the internet. that command deletes your entire home folder and pretty much completely breaks your system. you might be able to boot into it again if you know what you're doing. but obviously most new users do not. so.

[byrdstrolls]

These people are who you know them to be. This story will begin the only way it can. 

Hanagi Cheong is at work, messaging Bee on her computer. She is typing, slowly, methodically. Sometimes pausing to simply stare at the screen. Sometimes pausing to backspace and start over. No matter how she spins it, it will be clear to the violetblood she is in desperate need of someone competent in statistics. Bee’s minor Hanagi has a habit of mocking as useless. She will likely not shut up about it for a thousand sweeps. Yet this silly, caliginous worry is but a mask for a deeper, more pressing one.

[HEY] The message reads. [I’VE BEEN FUCKING, SIFTING THROUGH THE NUMBERS WE GOT FROM WHEN I DID THAT HACKING AT THE ACADEMY. ABOUT ABIDEL, AND THE INTOXICANT, AND I COULD USE A FRESH SET OF EYES TO CONFIRM YOU’RE SEEING WHAT I’M SEEING.]

The doctor's head rests on her arched hands, the husktops glow lighting up her glasses. How much exactly does she trust the violetblood progress here? She does not worry about Bee turning them into the fleet. She worries about her slipping onto this project and gripping it so tightly in manic paranoia and fear and guilt she doesn’t sleep for weeks. But how much longer can she talk to nobody about what she has found, what she has seen? Monark is not the only one susceptible to paranoia. And every time she dares venture into these files, Hanagi only finds more reasons to be afraid. Slowly, she lifts her head, and presses send. 

[are you Sure?] Bee answers, a couple minutes later. 

[WHY ASK ME? DO YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT?]

[i’m not always a Successful Arbitrator of what i can and Cannot handle.]

[WELL NEITHER AM I. YOU KNOW I WOULDN’T BE HERE IF I WASN’T DESPERATE.]

[am I interpreting it here correctly, that you’re coming to me with a Statistics related problem? :)<]

[HA HA HA. LIVE IT UP.]

[It’s Almost As If There Are Compelling Reasons For Someone To Minor In Such A Thing]

[DON’T TAKE THIS JUST OUT OF SPITE AND PRIDE IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE IT.]

[i can handle Math.]

[IT’S NOT JUST MATH. IT’S A LOT OF SHIT. OKAY? IT’S HORRIFYING.]

[hanagi,]

[i’ve got your back. i’ll tap out if i need. Okay?] 

Hanagi pauses, and then links her to the drive where her ongoing snooping has been taking place.

.

.

.

.

.

[Hanagi.] Bee says, several hours later.

[UH OH, WHY ARE WE USING THE MORE SECURE CHANNEL?]

[when you asked me to Confirm what you were seeing in this data, what Exactly did you want me to confirm?]

[WELL, FROM MY BAREBONES CURSORY GLANCE IT REALLY SEEMED LIKE THEY SAID SHE HAD KILLED LIKE, FORTY SEVEN PSSIONICS IN THE LAST SWEEP. WHICH FELT VERY HIGH TO ME. I COULDN’T STOMACH LOOKING DEEPER]

[i don’t have Good News]

[LAY IT ON ME MISS STATISTICS.]

[i don’t know if this is complicated enough to Actually count as statistics, Doctor, more me Looking at something you didn’t want to look at, but sure]

[in ∅ ∈ KFx]

[those forty seven encrypted files are not individual patients. they are groups.]

[WHAT?]

[she killed 47 groups of four pssionics. there would be two controls and two standards in each group. after the two standards died, and she had her data, she’d make the remaining unaffected control trolls the new standard group for two new control pssionics. she repeated this process 47 times, killing a total of 98 pssionics.]

[...]

[FUCK]

[the amount of energy she’s siphoning off into those two suns. is Insane. you were right about her bullshitting her averages. whatever she’s doing to those pssionics, Really Works.]

[YOU’RE SURE?]

[that’s not even the half of it, Hanagi. can you come Home? i feel like i’m losing my mind looking at these files.]

[OF COURSE.]

.

.

.

.

.

“You should really go to bed, Hanagi,” Bee says, several hours later.

“I can’t believe you’re fucking saying that to me.” Hanagi retorts. 

“How the student becomes the teacher.” The violetblood says, continuing to pin stuff on the ongoing corkboard the two of them had put up. 

“I’ll be fine.” 

“You have work in four hours.”

“And you don’t?”

“We’re… in over our heads.”

“You think I’ve never pulled a fucking all nighter before? I went to med school.” 

“I mean we're in over our heads with this, Hanagi.” She huffs, rapping her knuckle on the board. “So The Intoxicant has, for sweeps, been synthesizing Abidel’s blood to create a dangerous addictive and incredibly powerful pssionic enhancer.”

“So?” She retorts.

“So how are we going to get Abby out?” She says. “WIthout alerting her? Without her turning up every rock in the universe to find the troll on top which this entire deranged plan centers?” Bee says, gesturing. 

“A bridge we’ll cross when we get to it.” 

“Why am I the voice of reason here?” She says. 

“It was your plan. You’d give up so easily?”

“We’d need help to do this. A lot of it.” She answers. 

“How can you just look at this shit? I’m a doctor. You’re a scientist.” 

“A stretch of the definition of the word. I had a bachelors. You don’t need a job to feel empathy. I’m a person, Hanagi. Any person with a bloodpusher couldn’t stand to look at this but needs to. If I didn’t want to be here I wouldn’t be.” 

“I’ll call in sick,” Hanagi says. 

“Your grave” She answers. And the girls continue to work in silence. 

.

.

.

.

.

“You get it too, don’t you?” Hanagi says, curled up in a ball as the sun sets, marking the early beginning of the next night. “You understand from these charts-” 

“I know how close she is.” Bee answers, morosely. As much of a statistician as she ever was.

“What are you looking at?” Cheong prompts, glancing over her shoulder. 

“Longse’s history with the fleet. So we know what we’re dealing with.” She replies, typing. “You know. Big picture.” 

A lot of the documents of The Intoxicants rise to power are public. A career that kicked off with a long stint in the propaganda ministries, an exponential rise to head of the department. Only for her to resign at the top of her game. A grant for scientific achievement and funding, a long hundred sweeps spent in the field, where Longse would throw out new chemical and physical weapon patents every ten or so sweeps. This constant juggling of her life as a general, and a scientist, and a politician, continues for centuries. Longse seems well inclined to give others the spotlight. She has quietly been perfecting her work for a lifetime, her accomplishments becoming more impressive as the centuries pass by. 

Right about 50 sweeps ago, there is a black hole in the data. 

It makes sense, knowing how much about this colony's existence had been carefully kept from the public eye. Maybe they should have quit looking then. Yet, with the morbid curiosity that keeps trolls eyes on car wrecks happening on the street, the two women keep digging. Into deeply classified documents. By about 25 sweeps ago, the war on this planet had been long since over. But that doesn’t mean The Intoxicant stopped bombing it, no. The entire planet was repurposed as a massive weapons testing ground for the inventor, getting her fleet patents at an unprecedented rate, until eventually, she blew it up, six sweeps ago, beyond repair. You see, after Hascha had been discharged from the fleet for his embarrassing surrender and consequent defeat, the fleet's ruling control over Corsica had been given fully to Faeria Longse. 

They are silent as they both stare at Bee’s Husktop screen. They know the name of Mondes' colony as well as any of the Cheongs. The two of them remain here for a long while, or a short while. In the end they can’t recall how long it was. The borders of minutes are blurred the less a mind has sleep. It’s even more difficult to define time when trying to understand something that feels so much bigger than it. It has started to really sink in for both of them now. The genocide of the past. The genocide of the present. 

The looming chilling prophecy of the genocide of the future. 

.

.

.

.

.

There is a knock at the door. 

“Hanagi?” Mondes asks. 

“Yeah? What? What are you doing up this late?” she calls back. 

“I’m up the same time I always am.” The oliveblood says, entering the room the two shared, illuminating it with a sudden burst of hallway light. Hanagi groans, squinting, and Bee hurriedly shuts her husktop. 

“Did you guys stay up all day?” He asks. 

The man stands there for a second, processing what the girls have done to their room. 

“...okay” He says slowly. “Just what exactly am I looking at here?”

“It’s a lot,” Hanagi manages. 

“Yeah, we don’t wanna dump it on you right before class.” Bee pipes up.

“Mondes doesn’t have class.” Hanagi reminds.

“It’s summer” He retorts, folding his arms. “I’ve been out for nearly a perigee. Did you really not notice?” 

“I have a full time job,” Bee says. 

“Fine. I’ll give you that one. But do I really not get an explanation for this? You’re being so suspicious.” 

Hanagi gestures at their asymmetric piles of paper and corkboard.

“This was ME” She defends. “ALL MY shit. And Bee told me to go to bed. I didn’t listen.” 

“You both have work in thirty minutes” Mondes replies. “I’m gonna call you in so you don’t pass out midway through a fitting and put someone's leg on backwards. Or pour boiling coffee on yourself”

“Ha Ha Ha.” Hanagi complains. “Ha. Fine.” 

“Go to bed” Mondes orders. “And as soon as your pans are both working again, tell me what the fuck you’re doing.” He finishes, and exits the room.

.

.

.

.

.

Two six hour naps later, Hanagi sits at the end of the kitchen tables as Bee makes her coffee across the room. 

“I’m trying to think, of how to fucking say this” She exhales. The two of them continue to move through space as if in some kind of shock. Dissociative and careful. 

“Okay” The rust huffs as Bee sets down a mug in front of her. 

“From the beginning,” She says. “When Bee was at the fleet academy she met a limeblood there, Abidel Tevian, a pssionic amplifier who Nandor put through a lot of horrifying cybernetic augmentation to their physical body.” She pauses. 

“...okay” Mondes says, his hands laying immovable at the table. 

“Bee, since she was revived, has wanted to rescue them. I agreed, knowing it would be difficult and maybe risky, but not able to stand such a malpractice, terrifying misuse of prosthetics technology. So lately, I’ve been poking around Fleet files to find more information on this.”

“Okay.” Mondes repeats. 

“And we kind of just found” Hanagi cuts herself off, silent for a moment before continuing.

“-something that really raises both the stakes and the difficulty of this situation.” 

“Ah,” He responds

Hanagi glances at him, and then back at Bee. “Tap out.” She says, requesting Bee take over the explanation. “You know the math better.” She lies, not wanting to dive too deep into what she had seen, that all consuming sinking feeling in her chest.

“Okay.” Bee answers “Do you know the fleet general, The Intoxicant?”

Mondes blinks, momentarily, a rapid surge of emotion consuming him. 

“Yes.” He says quietly. 

The girls share a glance as if not sure how deep Mondes’s knowledge went, not sure how to continue. He doesn’t not elaborate. So, eventually, Bee continues. 

“Okay” She says, poised like a soldier giving a report. Having more practice than Hanagi in weaponizing her detachment against her horror and grief. 

“Since Abby was a grub, The Intoxicant has been synthesizing their blood to make a pssionic enhancer. An incredibly powerful one. That increases output by tenfold. It is addictive to the user, to the point the physical dependance makes their bodies degrade until death. The formula works, Longse is just attempting to make it safe past a certain threshold. She has calculated the budget of the Alternian fleet. She has calculated how much the increased energy output would benefit them financially. And how much the short life spans of pssionics would lose them money. And by way of these variables, and many more, created an …equation” Bee pauses to breathe, for just a moment.

“...An equation that can be solved to discover the ideal number of sweeps the pssionics need to last. If they live to this certain point, that's when the enhancer begins to be well worth its financial detriments, and actually starts saving the fleet a lot of money. After she reaches this point, Longse intends to patent the enhancer, and… roll it out to be used by the fleet. Something that would increase the fleets financial gain from their contest, but also increase the pace the fleet burns through pssionics dramatically. It would make their lives absolutely miserable, and more difficult to escape, due the formula’s addictive qualities, and due to the fleet being the only one that has access to Abidel, and the patent for Culucaminegic Ampheparietakinetic Pssiopote-” She narrates, with all the range of emotion of a text to speech program. 

“You don’t have to say the whole fucking thing, Bee. Longse just calls it CAP in her notes.” Hanagi pitches in, bristling at her formality. 

“I’m sorry.” Bee pauses, continuing to act so reservedly. “CAP’s patent” She says, “I just wanted to give you a better idea of it’s chemical makeup. Longse accomplishing this would be bad, because-” 

“I don’t need to know it’s chemical makeup… But I think I understand why it’s bad.” Mondes says softly. “What are we gonna do?” 

“You’re-” Hanagi stumbles. “Not gonna tell us not to do this shit?” 

“Why would I tell you not to try and stop a genocide?” He says quietly. 

“Okay but” Hanagi stumbles. “The fucking scale of this thing is- are we really gonna play those odds again? We were SECONDS from dying in the prison break.” She says, seeming to have become more trepidatious since getting some real sleep.

“Well,” Bee begins. Funny, how they seem to have switched places in the argument since waking. “Considering-” She continues. 

“I just! I’m a fucking prosthetics doctor! I’m not a fucking, rebel mastermind. We barely scraped by. Barely.” She rambles.

“Give yourself a little credit Hanagi” Bee replies, stubbornly. “You had five nights. You made it work. Even in her most generous estimates, The Intoxicant thinks it will take few perigees for CAP to go public. You had no resources when you broke into the prison. Right now, we have money. We have access to Longse and Nandor’s files. We have connections with several talented individuals. And most importantly. We have time.”

“Says Bee Monark, the voice of reason” Hanagi retorts, bitingly. 

“You said the same thing” She retorts. “Last night. Bridges we’ll cross when we get to them. But now that Mondes is in the room we’re not friends anymore?”

“Did you want me to tell you not to do it?” Mondes answers, after a pause. “Do you want me to say no, it’s totally fine if everyone in this room just forgets what they know? I won’t.”

There is a long silence. Neither Hanagi nor Bee able to think of how to respond to that. Hanagi stares at the foam of her coffee, it is probably getting cold by now. Losing herself in the intricacies of lines of the heart in bubbles. Watching them pop and fade at a snails pace.

“I don’t even know where to fucking start to try.” Hanagi says, setting down her mug, having drunk none of it. “We’d need so many things. We’d need to know a way to get to her satellite without being tracked by the fleet.”

“I can rig Mondes’s ship to be more stealthy.” Bee offers. 

“Okay, but, we still gotta find the plans for the satellite, figure out how to break into it. We might need a guy on the inside, honestly! We gotta figure out how to survive the security measures. How to have alibis. How to keep this all secret after having been- in the public eye for so long!”

“Maybe we could make some kind of smoke screen.” Bee says, ever the tactician. Mondes has stood up silently, and is pacing. 

“Something to distract the Alternian public and cloak our actions.” She elaborates. 

Mondes has pulled a tiny paper card, long since forgotten, from a pocket in his wallet. Holding it in his hands as he paces. 

“Like, start some drama with one of the other siblings or some shit?” Hanagi extrapolates. 

Mondes halts suddenly. 

“Okay” He says. “I’ve got it” 

The other two trolls stare at him. 

“What?” Bee asks. 

The oliveblood sits back down. He places his old music teacher's card on the table. 

“It’s probably get a lot of media attention,” He says. “If I attempted to be the first lowblood to enter a very prestigious orchestra contest, wouldn’t it?”

[davestriderreal]

I'm on the internet, posing as a little girl

I'm trying to lure evil into my world

I tell 'em that I'm curious, and I'm only twelve

Mom and dad are gone for the day, I'm by myself, urgh!

Buckets that I throw up are next to my computer

Hoping that they show up, 'cause what I'm about to do to 'em

Would make the Devil sick, I sharpen my blade

Fronting to this perv like I'm only in the seventh grade

The doorbell rings, I gotta get him inside

In my best little girl's voice, I'm like, "Hi! Come on in! I'm putting on my bikini!"

Huh, and when the door shuts, that's when I let 'em see me

"Hi there," I stab 'em in the neck first

'Cause it hurts, get 'em where the blood squirts

Carve his whole face off and make him eat it

Chain him up by the foot in the basement, bleeding

I'm prob'ly gonna burn for this

Ain't no lesson to learn from this

There's nothing I'ma earn

But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

I said it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

And it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

I'm prob'ly gonna burn for this

Ain't no lesson to learn from this

There's nothing I'ma earn

But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

I said it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

Soon enough, feds will be shutting down my service

'Cause people out there, think they don't deserve this (ha)

Until it's your kid an old man's finger fucking

Titty sucking, then you want the knife stuck in

I don't blame you, that's why I catch 'em in advance

While his dick is still in his pants, they never get the chance

I tell 'em I'm alone and I'm only thirteen

"Looking for a good time, you know what I mean?"

Bring me some Funyuns and a Slurpee

"Promise not to hurt me, or give me Herpes"

And within twenty minutes, here comes a fucking doctor

Knocking on my door, a pedophile butt-knocker

"Come in, have a seat," and then I stroll in

With the all-purpose hunting blade straight up his colon

I cut his hands off, he ain't touching nobody

Chain him up by the foot in the basement, bloody

Wait, please, mister clown, sir, you don't have to do-

Zip it!

Wait, please! I've got money, we can-

Shut it, fucker!

Please we can work this out!

Silence, I said!

Stick him next to this other fool, both left for dead

Every time I walk by him, I punch him in the head

Cut they fucking dicks off, stick 'em in each others mouths

Now what y'all talking about?

I'm prob'ly gonna burn for this

Ain't no lesson to learn from this

There's nothing I'ma earn

But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

I said it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

And it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

I'm prob'ly gonna burn for this

Ain't no lesson to learn from this

There's nothing I'ma earn

But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

I said it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

What's in the bag?

Funyuns and condoms

What's in the bag?

Funyuns and condoms

What's in the bag?

Funyuns and condoms

Why did you bring condoms?

I didn't mean to!

The house is getting funky, bodies in the basement, stinking

What the fuck am I thinking?

I put my face paint on, go downstairs and

Beat they ass sometimes

'Cause it ease my mind

Some of them are dead, and some are still living

But I'ma hurt 'em every chance that I'm given

I hit 'em with the nail gun, or the stun gun

They can't run, so they both mad fun

I was sawing a head off when I heard the doorbell

I'm not expecting any predators, but oh well

I took my spot, "Come in, I'll be right there!"

But I left a head sitting on the living room chair

He seen it and ran, I had to give chase

We cut across the lawn with my knife swinging for his face

I threw it, stuck him in the back of the neck

Still in my drawers, I dragged him home a bloody wreck

"Ah! Somebody, anybody!"

"Zip it!"

"Stop, please!"

"Shut it the fuck up!"

"Ah!"

"People are looking, silence!"

A bus full of high school kids watched it happen

He kept screaming like a pansy despite my slapping

Plus the neighbors seen it, and so did the mailman

But they all never said nothin' 'bout it again

I'm prob'ly gonna burn for this

Ain't no lesson to learn from this

There's nothing I'ma earn

But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

I said it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

And it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

I'm prob'ly gonna burn for this

Ain't no lesson to learn from this

There's nothing I'ma earn

But it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

I said it sure is fun (to catch a predator)

Yo! Liz!

Meanwhile, back at the house

Hey! Come on in! What kind of alcohol did you bring?

I brought Absolute Citron, I brought Mandarin Orange, I brought a shot of Jägermeister

Wow!

In several cases, the men were asked to bring food, alcohol, and condoms

Law enforcement says this helps show an intent to solicit a minor, what do we got here?

A bag of Funyuns

Funyuns? What about condoms? Did you bring condoms?

(I did)

You did?

[cherubchoirs]

Dude i am so fucking insane about your art its genuinely the main reason i made a tumblr account. also. Do you think v1 will ever break down in gabriel’s lifetime? I keep considering the idea after reading this fic where gabriel came across him half-buried in the sands of greed

omggg thank you so much!!! it sincerely means a lot ;o;

in my idea of events with the fallen gabe au, gabriel would likely still be able to continue for a long, long time, though perhaps not indefinitely necessarily. no matter what, his lifespan is still long enough to see the breakdown of v1's parts, which can only be mitigated by blood for a time. the process starts to become less effective, its body not healing properly and beginning to give in to the passage of time besides - plus, its mind isn't protected from these things either, code becoming overgrown and the hardware itself so delicate that it would inevitably fail. everything on earth has an end point, flesh and machine bodies breaking down in the same way being made from elements just held together in natural processes and so eventually rent by them.

(some mentions of mental deterioration/death under the read more)

gabriel would do regular maintenance on it, but they would both see when it was becoming more and more frequent, how v1 is slowing down physically and mentally. the body can be repaired almost indefinitely, especially if gabriel delved into metalworking, plastics, robotics - becoming a one-man factory creating bespoke parts with v1's assistance is hardly out of the question for a fallen angel. the problem is truly its computer, which isn't so easily stabilized and replaced, especially when it comes to preserving v1's memories and personality. they could keep its body in perfect working order if they can custom create any piece it needs (especially again if we go with paradise lost's idea that hell is rich in a wealth of all earthly minerals), but increasingly catastrophic software failures are harder to deal with. they would plan for it of course, figuring out the solutions they can try ahead of time, but when the time comes...watching v1 flicker, seeing its movements falter with newly repaired parts, the absolute heartwrenching, ice-cold fear of it shutting down unexpectedly and not waking up for hours, days....how it forgets, how it can't store many new memories, gabriel feels the deep, aching horror an immortal must when they truly understand what they love cannot last. intellectually it was always there, but to see it unfold, to be there now...gabriel's eyes finally freeze over with tears, v1 has nowhere to go, no soul to find heaven or hell or be reborn the way he was. it will just go dark. gabriel will see it, its perfect body that they've made and remade over so many decades or centuries, that he put all his love into preserving, but with no will to move it.

and i just don't think he could take it.

PERSONALLY my favorite wild headcanon for this scenario is gabriel storming heaven or going to find wherever god left his dead body and using that blood to revive v1 (that blood stays fresh forever.... guess lol) i'm just too much of a baby to commit to character death, plus i just really love the idea of everyone being like "where did god go....nobody knows...." until gabriel loses his mind and breaks every single law of heaven and hell without any limits to bring back his itty bitty bot!!!!!

[arsonistazzy]

Tadc theories.

Why?

I'ma just ramble here

Don't yell at me 😕

When looking into tadc it makes you wonder why everyone even looks the way they are, why they have their names and whatever.

Even though pomnis name was randomly generated. I don't think it was random. Her name means remember. What can't she remember? Her name. And her life.

I don't think it was an accident Caine named her pomni.

And she goes insane when looking at the computer because that's what got her into there. As she stated.

It makes her go crazy because it seems familiar to her. But it's not an exit. She's looking for an exit, and to her knowledge it could fuck her over or some shit. Maybe she used to be an office worker, which explains why her exit doors were all office scenes. Maybe the VR was in a room she ran to to escape her job. She found it, and got curious. Which is why she was scared when she first appeared

Okay moving on to gangle,

Gangle has a comedy and tragedy mask to personify depression. No matter how much she tries to be happy and fix a happy face for others, deep under that very fragile mask is the truth, it's the sadness shes trying to hide from everyone. Maybe in her real world she struggled with depression and the vr was one of her last resorts of happiness.

The ribbons could be a representation of how she's always been wrapped around depressions fingers like some sort of leash and hell or sum

Zooble, zooble is unstable, which makes me think she always tried to change herself for others around her. No matter what he did he was never enough for anyone. No matter how much he changed himself or fixed her personality it wasn't good enough for everyone around. So in order to escape that they put on the VR, which ultimately trapped them.

In the digital world they're just a bunch of everything really. They fall apart easily just like how easy it can be to push someone to their *breaking* point.

Jax, I don't have much of a theory on him, but I'm wondering why he has keys.

Nobody else has keys, and why else would he have keys besides maybeg being a locksmith robber irl.

Jax is obviously a big ol bitch. And he finds it funny, what if he was robbing someone's house with one of his many tricks to unlock locks, and found the VR, anf when he put it on it sucked him in. Which could explain the keys.

But what about his appearance. I've heard someone else say he's not just a rabbit but a jackalope. Jackalopes are just bigger, bitchier versions of rabbits and have antlers. What is Jax? A big (tall) bitchy rabbit.

Idk much about Caine since he's an NPC and not someone trapped. But if Caine is an npc how come he knew pomni got trapped in by a computer, which has been confirmed at the end, that that compyter that made pomni go crazy is where tadc is. But how would Caine know that and what it looks like. If Caine is an npc.I never explained pomnis outfit

I believe pomni is a jester because her whole life leading up to that point she's been "amusing" others and doing things to make others happy and not herself. Which makes her a fool. A kings fool is a jester. She's Caine's, who's the king(not kinger) fool. That's why she's a jester and not a clown like kaufmo.

She's a fool for how she lived. Kaufmo was probably just really manipulated and fucked over. Making him the "clown". Which could also be why he abstracted easily..he was already so over everything. This was the last shove he needed

[tepparetai]

the entire latch cast GO (jk. just teppare... or just minato... :] )

HIIIIIII DEMI THANK YOU DEMI i'll do teppare because theyre my special guys... i had a whole essay typed but then i left my computer unattended for the weekend & it didn't save so im trying to write what i remember. (also im skipping the fav line ones because theres no english translation and im NOT trusting my memory when it comes to japanese hope thats okay)

UNDER THE CUT FOR RAMBLING

udaka

favorite thing about them: I LOVE PAPA he's always so calm and collected and everyone respects him but at the same time he just radiates warmth and kindness and seems so easily approachable. i would trust him with my life. also the fact that he's an ojisan idol we deserve more of those

least favorite thing about them: that being said he IS one of the more boring characters since he's so perfect i guess.... he needs a good character flaw

brOTP: teppare

OTP: him and his lovely wife of course. and old man yaoi when im insane. they could have an open marriage or something im not here to judge

nOTP: obviously wouldn't ship him with the youngest ones like 🍼 but nobody does. thank god

random headcanon: he doesnt have the heart to kill bugs in the house❤️ he catches them and releases them outside instead

unpopular opinion: he deserves to go apeshit at least once

song i associate with them: sir they are idols. are you asking for real (sunrise and peace)

favorite picture of them:

IM STILL NOT OVER THIS ONE NOT ENOUGH OF YOU LOOKED AT IT i want to put him in my pocket and carry him around with me everywhere i go

also i think he looks very dashing in his plain old station attendant uniform sprite too

minato

favorite thing about them: MY SILLY he's a bit weird but so kind and caring oniisan😫😫 he always puts others before himself and just wants everyone to be happy and get along. and i've talked about this before but i love the little smile lines under his eyes it's a charming detail and a reminder that hes a happy guy and also 35

least favorite thing about them: NOTHING he is perfect although i AM starting a gofundme to buy this man some socks since he doesnt seem to have any ever and once you notice it you cant unsee

brOTP: teppare

OTP: [REDACTED] also im passing him around like a blunt. dm me

nOTP: i can't stand ⏸️⚓ i don't mind them as friends but their dynamic is like a babysitter looking after a toddler. cant see whats romantic in that

random headcanon: he has beautiful blue eyes like the sea :) and since the monorail from haneda airport connects to tokyo through hamamatsucho station he is the best english speaker among teppare and also the designated tourist encounter handler

unpopular opinion: hes NOT an uwu softboy that man is SOME kind of freak i can feel it in my bones

song i associate with them: peace the most

favorite picture of them:

i have this one as my phone bg sometimes because it looks like hes giving you a hug ^_^ makes me happy

kita

favorite thing about them: AUUGGHH he's obviously meant to be a Funnyguy��� but it's so endearing how genuinely enthusiastic he is about sharing the thing he's passionate about with others..... he has SO MUCH love and appreciation for his friends and family and wants them to stay strong and healthy too and to me that comes from a place of caring he just cant always read the room

least favorite thing about them: i will NEVER stop complaining about his ekimen costume they reverse bimbofied my guy

brOTP: teppare

OTP: DM ME FOR THIS ALSO😑🚬 (<- me on a smoke break after cooking and no one coming to eat)

nOTP: he isn't very popular sooo💔 i've pretty much only seen him getting shipped with 🎤 but i don't even hate it i'm just indifferent

random headcanon: autistic as fuuuuuck but is that even random. like for real

unpopular opinion: This Is The Buffest Japanese Beauty Standards Can Handle Before They Start Getting Scared like how do you create a character whose entire deal is his muscles and then maybe draw him 0.2mm thicker than the other skinnyboys. although it would be funny if it was a running gag like with the personal trainer in dúmbbell nan kilo moteru ANYWAYS THEY SHOULD LET HIM BE BUFF PROPER

song i associate with them: for some reason i associate sunrise with him more than the other two idk why since its an udaka center too.... and egao de go because it was his recommendation in the little fliers u got from somewhere

favorite picture of them:

i looooove him in the first one hes so silly funny and >:D i have a magnet with this illust and its going on my fridge door so i can look at them everyday. and the other one because those are the guns he deserves this artist gets it

THATS THE END OF MY POWERPOINT PRESENTATION THANKS FOR WATCHING

[postsforposting]

this is completely false misinformation. the system used for "banning" people is automated, which is subject to brigading and malicious reporting, because that is how the automation is set up. enough reports on any post or account, it gets deleted, no recourse. that is the complete opposite of "staff is fucking banning people quietly". staff have no reason to care about accounts getting banned, especially when this is the kind of rhetoric going along with it, personally attacking them. you will be correctly ignored. or outright banned for that behavior.

it's literally not about you personally. you are absolutely faceless to staff. this information is free, easily found, and well known.

you are not faceless to all the malicious people who brigade things. if you put information on your account that attracts those people, this is what will happen. i am not justifying it, i am saying you jump into a tornado and can't be surprised if it kills you. the tornado does not have a vendetta against you personally. do not put compromising info online where people can use it against you, or you do it anyway and can't be surprised what happens because of that. yes, it sucks there are nasty people, but that has always been true and will be true no matter where you go. that is not the fault of any social media company.

it sounds like a break from social media would be useful, if you are this affected and paranoid. i know there's the joke about how anything going wrong for a gay person is "homophobia", but it's...a joke. it is not real. do you also think your own computer is being personally controlled by bill gates and steve jobs and they're maliciously corrupting it against you personally every time it does something offcolor? no, because that's batshit insane, hateful, baseless, and clearly shows you're making shit up to get a rise out of people because YOU think your feelings entitle you to treat everyone else poorly?

gee i wonder where i've heard that kind of justification before. we don't need more pizzagate and children in furniture conspiracies.

there is no "outcry" and "nobody cares" because everyone else knows this is not happening. because it has happened to so many people. if you want to fix the real problem, tell staff you know the system has problems and detail those problems without paranoidly accusing people of malice. talk about the actual problem instead of being nasty. you aren't even treating the people you want help from in a decent manner. only infants get to bitch and still get help because they literally have no other option. you are not an infant. you know better and you're choosing not to.

do so or stop using a product you clearly hate that's full of people you clearly hate. you are not having a good time, so quit. leaving a bad situation is how you improve your life. find something better.

it is absolutely fascinating that the culture on this website thinks "if i throw a hissy fit and claim i'm being persecuted then everyone else is obliged to fall over to appease me". that's. cult behavior. fundamentalist american christian persecution martyr behavior. full stop. you don't get to throw a fit at staff, or anyone--and then claim you're in the wrong when you get thrown out.

I think the reason there isn't this big outcry around seemingly random transwomen getting banned is because the fucking CEO of tumblr isn't making it into a big spectacle like he did with predstrogen. Theyre just fucking banning tgirls quietly and ofc its only other tgirls who are noticing and speaking up about it

[the-firebird69]

Celestial Destroys an Entire Planet Scene - Guardians Of The Galaxy (201...

He's deluded and things that the creatures controlled by him and his brain has been chopped up by bullets and no one can stand being near the freaking freak but they don't want to be him and it looks like the cleanse work

Thor Freya

And yeah your freaks and stuff and I have the embeds and so on he says he didn't put the in beds in a stupid root near him cuz he wasn't stupid but that's okay it's not an Antarctica and we know where and we have Giants and you don't they're not real giants. We have Giants in the real they're not real big and they're not real powerful but they're really Giants and he says they're gas bags and we do understand what he's saying so we have to keep yelling and stuff and he doesn't he says he's going to sit there and watch me embarrass myself masticate in front of my daughter screaming yelling in front of the whole world in court and threaten people out loud thinking I'm not on tape with everybody knows go to jail lose my brain think I'm winning it's kind of weird I think I get put back into my body then where were you you idiot yeah that's the stupid part I noticed what you're saying the clam can hit when they're on the side it goes the other side they'll need the duster but it needs to diamonds from your caverns that's why they're having Brian attack you and that blows and I think I'm doing it

Trump

I know why you think it's you but really you should give it a rest nobody cares to hear it and you just get beat up and I have to put up with this huge threat and you running around saying you're doing it and I have to find out cuz they have to put those in beds in there because the computer wouldn't get to them because of the Ent

Zues

This is a heartache and it's a nasty show and you need to shut that guy up he's a retard in a wild card and it doesn't know anything he can't tie his shoes without us you feel nuts fall this more on around

Hera

He's actually heard enough and we see his reactions and nobody believes it's him and he just keeps saying it and he's insane of course and he's a weakling before and now it's gross and people can't stand it which is good soon he'll be out

Olympus

Oh my God this is going to get worse and we hear what he's saying they're going directly for you to take your diamonds out of your caverns using your fight with the idiot and it could be the max fooling everybody

Mac daddy

So I see it you're all fighting each other and you think that you're succeeding and he says the Giants is not ours and it's too big and nobody can get to it and the computer can't get to it and he says I don't have thorium so how am I getting to it without it and know that metal doesn't work he can ask the max so I do see what he's saying and no I haven't been there maybe I should juice up and try and go near well we understand we can't get near it and we do understand what it is and it's going to take over the death Star and it could be an alien I still think I'm controlling it somehow I think I'm having him do it and he says what the f*** would you have me do that for you idiot... It's a good question maybe it's not right the same I think that you are pushover for some reason yeah I guess I can't stand this anymore it's the clearance and I'm not part of the clan they're going after the diamonds you dumb f*** and he's saying it oh wow because I can hear it a little he wants to shut the f****** and get out of here so I can sleep so you can not walk around sleepy in the mall I certainly follow that

Trump

Hehehe this guy won't leave alone is this massive loser it is a sick f**** and we need to stop him today I'll tell you what my husband is going to end up killing that piece of s*** if our people don't understand what he's saying he's the leader and he's telling you to get him away from him now and really you kind of suckers for a deception they want to ruin my husband and ruin your dream I was thinking about how you messed up the whole time and it's a trick and they're doing it on purpose and my husband says I'm going to go through it and sometimes they're like children and we have to have patience and try to teach them and we also have to try and understand what the threats are on our people and us and we do need more secure and safe but really sometimes elders asked a little young and while thinking and so forth not much but it's a little bit naive and Thor and Freya say it true true and really we cannot milk this guy for any more he's gone but we have to it's supposed to be very experiences led me to and they say he's gone and you can't but really his clan is there and we have to run the program but we need safeties how about we call that because really that's what it is you can't come in here and vaporize all of the lead players will say and they're dying anyways and they see it but they don't care if it's that's not the point

Zues I said the top part and he commandeered it Hera

Yeah the guys are not and he's an ass and a jerk and other people having to do stuff and we have to control them more and that Publix was ridiculous he's going to anybody going to stop him from annoying me to death even me just need to self I mean come on get that piece of s*** away from me no it's very rude I mean rude to myself it's wrong yeah I have to be a nice person as well as a leader and control the situation so it dawned on me you're right about something we have problems and big ones so I try to control it and I understand what it is and it was out of control and we do see what and now we have some leaves and some leaks and we can take photos of containing foreigners are containing the Max and they need things and can't access and yeah it's causing them to express them some things that are indicating that they need to lose more.. that was Zeus and Zues later. Really had with our plan today we are going ahead and proceeding with our plan today. Right now bja is in full swing against Trump and these two are just sitting here thanking him because they're completely deluded. This ridiculous now we need to shut them down I don't think it's helping us one bit like he says I can't hear what the hell people are saying and they're using this interference and the guys are freaking nutcase and it's dangerous so we need to do that right now and I also will think that you but they went they went program and I need to get teams in and see what this thing on Friday is I already checked it out and it's crap and you know it's crap did they pay your money and it would turn to s*** and you know that what we want you to know is we don't think it's worth it so you want to see if it's worth it and what you're saying is a kind of soft like diarrhea it's kind of a warning sign this they shouldn't be and we are figuring out a lot of it from just that and it works on the roof thing as a matter of fact I think you're right about something we don't want you working for them at all they're disgusting and what you say is I don't want to work on the roof because that s*** head is there and I don't want to fix his roof it is some symbology so there's symbology with Saturn and yeah let me know you don't care too much about it and you don't care for it either I don't like the idea and he won't be able to get near Earth and we don't want him to be thought of that way and he is disgusting so we are getting ready for the day but you're right he's kept you up on purpose but he's been up to and he's going to be tired and he's going to be out of shape and asking for it if this is going to happen and we're going to blame the clans and the guy can't stand it he threatens our son so we send all sorts of clan like stuff after him and the max try and grab it and we get rid of them and it's going to be robots from his stashes and cashes that he doesn't care about but he doesn't care about his people

Thor Freya

Olympus

[amaranthineoceans]

Everything Weird About Deltarune!

Spoiler Warning for Undertale and Both Chapters of Deltarune! Really! I Literally Go Through Everything I Can Remember About Them!

This is a long post so get comfortable. Also note that my brain doesn't process thoughts into words very well so some of these might not be worded in the best way. :)

Deltarune. The first teaser chapter was released on October 31, 2018, and it came out of nowhere. We've all gone through this, but I'll try and go through every single painstaking detail I can remember. Feel free to reblog and add/correct things.

The weirdness begins right off the bat. The title is an anagram of UNDERTALE. We all know Toby likes to use anagrams when he wants to indirectly tell us when things are related, so it's no surprise that when you go to download DELTARUNE, it warns you that the game is designed for people who have played UNDERTALE. You think, "Cool, so it's a sequel? Or maybe a prequel? A different perspective of UNDERTALE perhaps?" You were wrong; so terribly, terribly wrong! I'll elaborate on this later.

Before you download the application, the terms of service that you must agree to beforehand reads simply and plainly, "You accept everything that will happen from now on." This detail was kinda brushed off in the beginning, because, hey, it's Toby Fox. He does weird stuff all the time. But even in the first chapter, it's apparent that the concept of choice, or more accurately, the lack of it, is a very present theme in the game. I would like to remind you that Toby has announced that there will be one ending in the game. One. I'll elaborate on this later.

The program (as in, what the game is called in your files) is named SURVEY PROGRAM. Why not just call it Deltarune like it is when you download chapter two?

The game launches you, without a title screen, without any setting adjustment options, straight into a reference to the theme of the entire franchise: the lack of choice. A strange formless voice guides you through "making a vessel", with what we know now as a fountain in the background. You have the option to make some very disturbing choices in this character creator, such as making its favorite flavor "pain" or expressing your feelings about it with options such as "fear" and "disgust." You name your "creation," tell the formless voice your name (which is different from your vessel's name) and watch as said formless voice muses over your name at an agonizing pace. It thanks you for your time and tells you that your wonderful creation, (cue music cutout and background removal) will now be discarded. "No one can choose who they are in this world." The screen slowly turns white as the voice says, "Your... name... is..."

It gets weirder. The next scene appears from the whiteness and showcases Toriel calling "Kris" out of bed. Kris' area of the room is very bare in contrast to the other side, which we later discover is Asriel's.

It's Toriel. Why is Toriel here?

Kris is kind of an anagram of Frisk (the protagonist of UNDERTALE) but without the F. I highly doubt this is a coincidence.

Speaking with Noelle is the only reason you can proceed (see what i did there?) while finding a partner in the classroom. This means you can't go through the 1st chapter without knowing who she is. Is it because of the Snowgrave route?

Ralsei is just suspicious to me. There's no way he was just waiting in that castle his whole life alone without some mental toil. So either he's insane or he wasn't alone the whole time. What happened? Is it related to how he can close his eyes and see what Susie is going through when she's apart from the party? Was he just watching everything? Is he related to the formless voice?

Susie's icon is the only one without color in the Dark World.

Jevil's fight is more difficult than Sans'.

Your actions have little consequence in the first chapter. If you choose to go genocide, the only difference in the ending is being run out of the kingdom, and this doesn't carry over to the next chapter. Again, lack of choice, people.

If at the end of chapter one, you walk around town, it's mentioned (notably by Noelle) that you're usually not this talkative. If you go to the hospital and speak with the receptionist, they mention that you used to play the piano in the corner. If you decide to attempt to play the said piano, an out-of-key bash can be heard and the receptionist comments on how you used to play beautifully. If you try this in chapter two, the result is the same. All this is confirmation that Kris is acting noticeably weird.

When you leave the Dark World and walk around town, you can find Sans. He "pretends" to recognize you, and if you tell him you recognize him, he tells you it's funny, considering that you two have never met before. He winks. I'm pretty sure he knows that the player is there.

The mention of Papyrus in both games, but the purposeful lack of him. Like he's avoiding you.

If you go upstairs while inside Asgore's flower shop, there are flowers in glass cases resembling his SOUL collection in UNDERTALE. There's a red flower.

You can't enter the church.

The clock in the storage closet shows a different time than all the others in the school.

If you go all the way south in town and into the woods, the music stops and you come across a rusty, double door is in a hill covered in crass. It's locked. If you go this way in chapter two, however, you watch a cutscene where you and susie happen to find Monster Kid from UNDERTALE (or someone resembling them) and an owl kid in front of the door. The owl kid is pressuring Monster Kid to (presumably) break inside, telling them that they don't want to be a wimp like Kris. Does this imply that Kris is connected to this strange door somehow?

The ending. You know what I'm talking about.

Did Kris actually rip out the SOUL (I say "the" because I'm not entirely sure it's Kris') and knife because they wanted to eat the pie? Did they only eat the pie because Toriel caught them?

Why did they look at the player? Are they sick of being controlled? Is that why they freaked out after the Spamton fight? (later)

Anyway, now we're at chapter two.

DELTARUNE Chapter Two was released on September 17th, 2021. 17. Entry Number 17. Sound familiar?

Asriel's part of the room is different from the last chapter. I don't think this means anything sinister, but I think it means Kris notices different things about the room as the story progresses. My theory is that it will become more sinister in each chapter.

Ralsei getting super excited to see Susie and Kris after a day. As in he has separation anxiety and it breaks my heart. not anything suspicious but it makes me sad so it's on the list.

Kris and Susie's rooms. Ralsei REALLY doesn't want them to leave. Seriously get this boy a therapist. Or a stuffed animal. SOMETHING.

Kris having to gather everything from the storage closet so that people appear in the Dark World????? Why??????????????? They had to do the same thing for the computer lab too.

The golden door. I don't trust it.

How/why the heck did Noelle and Berdley go into the Computer Lab Dark World? I don't see either of them just walking into pulsing void doors without Susie.

Apparently the knight has been gone for a bit and can corrupt people's minds? The king in the first chapter doesn't seem like he can be redeemed but Queen just seems,,, not bad, but a little crazy. I wonder what happened.

Then again, name ONE person in this franchise without trauma.

Spamton.

Horror doesn't bother me. Spamton? Spamton bothers me.

SPAMTON. ENOUGH SAID.

A Kromer is a type of hat invented in the '70s. Nobody named Mike is associated with it, that I can find.

SPAMPTON. HOW DO I EVEN DESCRIBE IT.

HIS SONG IS THE ONLY ONE WITH WORDS.

The way he asks Kris is they want to be a heart on a chain their whole life. Like, dude, no wonder they were screaming after the fight.

WHERE DID THE YELLOW HEART COME FROM. YELLOW MEANS JUSTICE. WHY DOES JUSTICE APPLY.

Kris screaming after the fight and the player not being able to hear it. Don't you dare tell me that's just how the game is designed. There are sound effects characters make throughout the game. None that I can think of apply to Kris, apart from when they rip their soul out.

Ralsei brushing off the Spamton fight. Either that's his coping mechanism or he was trying to shut Susie and Kris up to protect them from... something. I'll touch on that in a minute.

According to Queen, DETERMINATION is a key factor in creating a fountain.

Also according to Queen, Kris, Noelle, and Susie all have DETERMINATION SOULS.

Ralsei freaking out about Berdley making a fountain implies that he may also have DETERMINATION. Why I'm bringing all this up will make sense soon.

How was Noelle able to cast Snowgrave... a spell that she, according to her, didn't know?

The Snowgrave route is so twisted.

You manipulate Noelle into killing Berdley and then, when you get back to the computer lab and investigate his corpse, the text box says that he doesn't seem to be awake. As if you're in denial?

Burgerpants recognizes you. Not Kris. As in the player.

The ending. I don't think I need to describe it. Kris is very methodical without the SOUL. (I say "the" because, again, I'm not 100% convinced it's theirs.) I'm saying this about how they left clues that someone broke into the This proves that they are NOT a mindless, vengeful husk.

HOW DID THEY MAKE THE FOUNTAIN WITHOUT THE SOUL INSIDE OF THEM. DID THEY FEED THE SOUL TO IT AFTERWARDS? IS THAT WHAT THAT WAS?

Another point I would like to make is my theory that Ralsei knows much more than he would have us believe. I might put this into a different post because I have yet to gather my points into a coherent bullet point list, so keep an eye out for that.

Anyway apart from Toriel and Susie being VERY heavy sleepers, I think I've gone through everything. I have a few theories.

1. Kris is possessed by the player and figured out that they could make a fountain from Queen and related to Spamton freaking out about freedom. They then decided to make a fountain going by the logic that "this would tick the player off." This is one of my top theories that assumes that the SOUL is theirs.

And 2. Kris is possessed by both the player and the knight. I think the formless voice at the very beginning of the game is the knight, and they somehow needed the player to possess someone with DETERMINATION. If so, then why Kris? We know from Queen that Noelle and Susie, and maybe even Berdley also have DETERMINATION. The most plausible thing I can think of is the fact that human souls are stronger than monster ones.

I do think that the popular theory (about the one that suggests that the Dark Word is nothing but a figment of a child's imagination, and the events that occur in said Dark World are simply children playing with toys) has been thoroughly dashed due to Berdley's murder in the genocide route of the second chapter. Unless he's not dead. Regardless, how the events (or lack thereof) that occur in the second chapter play through the next will be interesting, especially considering Toby's announcement about how there will be one ending to the game. So either Berdley isn't dead, or he will be.

Aaaand I think that's it! Sorry for the long post; let me know your thoughts and if I missed anything!

[cryptcness]

Magnus Archives Entities as Songs from "In case I make it," - Will Wood

This album ruined me. I shall now dissect exactly how it ruined me. Considering there are only 16 songs in the album I've made things difficult for myself so expect some reasonings to be weaker than others.

Spoilers for entity related stuff and more other stuff if I forget when everything happened.

The Buried - Sex, Drugs, Rock 'n' Roll; perhaps an unconventional choice to kick off with. But with all the buried episodes about being stuck in a rut or in your current career. Could also be web, but I like buried

The Corruption - Willard; although Cicada days seems a more literally interpretation Willard is just very Jane Prentiss to me. Disgust vs. Shame etc. Only being understood by bugs and animals and not understanding what "humans do or want". Specifically a Jane Prentiss brand of Corruption.

The Dark - Tomcat Disposables; I know this is a weaker connection but there's so much good stuff in this song. Going for the whole creature in the shadows + the simple fear of not knowing. The mouse doesn't know why they die, it is simply beyond their comprehension, hence the fear of what is unknowable in the Dark.

The Desolation - Um, it's Kind of a Lot; a whole song about fear, but the main fear is loosing the one things you truly care about, soooo Desolation, when fear of having your loved ones taken away or leaving is more powerful than every other fear in your body, that's the Desolation winning.

The End - Euthanasia; predictable perhaps, but it is literally a song about death. The repeated reference to roots really sealed the deal for me though

The Eye - You Liked This (Okay, Computer!); the most terrifying song on the entire album. But equally I love Information Age eye stuff.

The Flesh - Vampire Reference in a Minor Key; just being a song objectively inspired by horror tropes makes it very difficult to ascribe to a single codified horror trope, but from the line "squeeze it in rhythm, keep my heart from stopping" I got kinda piecemeal vibes. So flesh for now.

The Lonely - Against the Kitchen Floor; this is one of those cool inability to make connection lonely's, "honestly thought nobody would want [me], let alone notice it's gone" yeah... lonely.

The Spiral - Falling Up; giving the most insane entity one of the calmest songs on the album? Perhaps, but consider "what do you know of control, the wind is simply at your back" its a song about the perception of human control and giving into 'fate' or 'chaos' also some of the lines are just bonkers.

The Stranger - The Main Character; this is the most Stranger songs ever. "So God forbid I've seen as an average human being", "I'm the main character and you have to like me". It's a whole tragedy of putting on a show of ideal humanity, what is more stranger than that. Also the fact that when the album was first released the song was called Entry of the Gladiators, circus vibes

The Vast - White Noise; so I think this song is a weird combination of Vast/Spiral. "Lying face down you blend into the background" you lose yourself in this environment constructed to force you to loose all sense of self. Very vast with a touch of spiral.

The Web - Half-Decade Hangover; addiction? unable to break free from a path that feels predestined? Web vibes. "Give me back my life"

So I have the slaughter and the hunt left, and the songs Becoming the Lastnames; Cicada Days; That's Enough, Lets Get You Home; and BFBBPCTARJE, so I'm stuck.

I failed you

[tanadrin]

This argument doesn't work for me for a bunch of reasons.

One, I never see ideological opponents of LLms distinguish between for-profit and not-for-profit use. Insofar as copyright violation is a legal question and not a moral one, and no copyright attaches to purely LLM-generated content, even selling LLM services for a profit to cover the cost of servers and training does not seem to me to be repackaging others' work in a form that resembles copyright violation as we usually think of it.

If I took a novel under copyright--say, Lord of the Rings--and did a bunch of linear algebra to the text to create an abstract work of art that was procedurally related to the text, but from which it would be fiendishly difficult to actually recover the text, and hung it up in a gallery, I think it would be generally considered to be both fair use and legitimate "art" (though not necessarily good art, depending on how you felt about abstract representations of large matrices of floating-point numbers). I would almost certainly be in the clear to legally sell that artwork to someone else, and I would certainly be in the clear to sell access to the computer program I used to create that art.

The bigest difference between that and LLM-generated text seems to me to be to be aesthetics: the latter is tained by its association with Big Corporations and Taking Jobs from Hardworking Independent Writers and Artists, while the former invokes the spirit of the individual producing Fine Art alone with a creative (although perhaps slightly incomprehensible) purpose. But aesthetics is a terrible basis on which to make policy. And nobody is ever even honest enough to frame this as "the underlying technology is neither moral nor immoral, but I specifically dislike and want to hurt LLM companies," or even "the government must intervene to protect the incomes of struggling freelancers." It's always "plagiarism machine water use energy."

As a side note--calling something "theft" isn't actually an argument. Libertarians have been using "taxation is theft" as a slogan for decades and nobody grants them the point because plainly they are using a definition of "theft" that is different from anybody else's. We spent like ten or fifteen years in the aughts and teens arguing that filesharing and digital piracy weren't "theft"--even if they were copyright violation--because "theft" in its ordinary meaning implies that it deprives the current owner of their use of the thing. And now tons of people on the internet are overnight turning into copyright maximalists and are arguing for an insanely narrow redefinition of "fair use" at which even Mickey Mouse would blush, and I'm sitting over here thinking "what the hell is everyone smoking?"

Like I'm not even arguing for the utility of LLMs--you can freely acknowledge that as a commercial product they are obviously overhyped and undercapable and there is a real social cost to making it possible to automate the production of low-quality text and images--but arguments about the utility of a technology are not arguments about its morality, and arguments about its morality are not arguments about its legality. As a matter of law, LLMs seems plainly not to be a violation of copyright (any actual copyright lawyers feel free to tell me if I'm wrong, but as of making this post I am aware of no court decisions that selling LLM services for a profit constitutes a violation of copyright). As a matter of policy, trying to change the law so that LLMs are a violation of copyright seems difficult, because "you aren't allowed to do linear algebra from large corpuses of text you scrape from the internet" is not in practice a workable rule. As a matter of social impact, LLMs seem mixed at best, but it's an interesting advance in computer science. As a matter of ethics, it's pretty obviously totally ethically neutral whether you do linear algebra to large amounts of text you scrape from the internet or not. Uses you might put the results of that linear algebra to may or may not be ethical, but the underlying technology is simply another tool.

btw this should be obvious but if you are upset about the internet archive losing the appeal, but are also anti-ai training, you are holding two extremely contradictory views - either the law protects your intellectual property to the point where nobody is allowed to download it, or it doesn't - and you should try to examine where exactly the conflict is.

i've had the worst day in a long time so im not elaborating for now - if one of my many esteemed followers felt like getting more clear on the Ramifications and Dialectic here in a reblog i would greatly appreciate it but i did just want to strike while the thing was hot. either you think more IP protection is better, or you don't. you can't have it both ways.

[funnyexel]

Mrs. Wayne

Summary: (Copy & Paste) I’m doing something very different for this story. I don’t know how long it’ll last for but hopefully long enough to get the message across. I am not going to be displaying the summary until the very end of this story. I’d like for everyone to guess. All I will say about this story is by the end you (Black Female Reader) will be married to Bruce Wayne (Batman) thus the title. One more note : **THIS IS A FANFICTION MADE FOR BLACK FEMALE WOMEN** I want to make this very clear!

If you enjoy this visit here -> Masterlist Mega List

Warnings : Scenes of Violence, Mentions of Harm

*THIS IS PART 2*

<< Previous Next >>

The events of Flashpoint was a blur to you. But better that than remembering the time without him. Ever since then, you realize not to take anything for granted even if you didn’t before. 

“How many times do I have to tell you this?” Your voice echoed throughout the cave. “Bruce! You’ve invaded their privacy by digging too deep. Now, you have to earn their trust back by introducing them to your family. Us. In order to be even. How are you not comprehending this.” You sat on the edge of the desk of the Bat computer, trying not to lose your patience with him. At this point, you were convinced he wasn’t confused. He just didn’t want to do it.

“What if-” You put your finger to his lips. “Shhh. No, what if went out the window when you found out their identities and you shouldn’t be worried about me. I can handle myself perfectly fine.” He sighs and removes your finger from his lips. “I’m not gonna have this conversation with you again. Invite them.” As you take your leave. “And It’s 11 in the morning. For god’s sake what are you doing down here. When you’re done come up to the manor.” Stepping foot in the elevator, you sigh.

“This man will drive me insane.” You fiddle with the gem on your left hand. Taking a breather, you ease your mind. Passing the living room, you see two beings, back tracking you take a closer look. “Hey Dick. Wally?” You lean on the door frame. “It’s been a minute. How are you?” Wally gives you a friendly smile. “I’ve been good.” Dick stretches himself on the couch. “Your not going to ask how I am?” Dick says a bit offended. “I always know how you are. You’re here every other day.” 

He rolls his eyes, you shove his legs off the couch and sit next to him. “Where’s B?” You dramatically groan, throwing your head back. “What happened this time?” Dick slouches into the chair. “Digs himself a hole, I instruct him on how to get out the hole. Doesn’t want to get out the hole.” You huff, just thinking about it is making your brain hurt. Wally’s face fills with confusion. “A hole?” Dick turns to him. “Figure of speech.” Wally nods, now putting the pieces together. 

“Finding out identities is a low blow.” You nod to Wally’s statement. “Exactly! That’s what I’m trying to explain to him.” You think back to old events. “He seems like the sharpest tool in the shed but honestly, I don’t feel like he is.” You whisper the last part and continue your sentence. “Fighting Superman was not the best move on his part but it ended in peaches and rainbows. So, I guess it’s okay.” Wally started to laugh uncontrollably.

“But anyway, you boys enjoy yourselves. Dick, you know where everything is.” You take your leave, going the way you came. Barely, paying attention to where you were walking, you bump into a familiar surface. “Not the sharpest tool in the shed?” You push yourself off him, looking up. “Not my exact words but-” Interrupting your own sentence with a yelp. “Bruce! Put me down!” He swung you over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. You didn’t waste your energy to hit him.

The Next Day, you got up somewhat early to practice your fencing. Nobody, really liked to fence with you because they knew you would beat them...except for Bruce with him it was always a close call but in the end you did win. You’d practice in the backyard. Though they didn’t like to participate in your activities, they loved to watch. The way you would move was so different and unique. Putting your actions to a halt. You looked to the 5th window on the second floor.

Removing your mask, you smile and wave to Cassy. She was watching you as she usually did when you indulged yourself in these activities. Looking at her, you thought of something you haven’t done in a while.

------

“I cannot believe this still fits.” You turn around multiple times in your suit. The black skin tight bodysuit, the multifunctional cape that had a mechanism to work for the front and back of your body, the headpiece made to cover your whole face and gloves, it all still fits. You put yourself together as if you’re going out to fight crime, which you haven’t done in give or take 6 years. Still admiring yourself in a big mirror you found in the back of the Batcave. 

Your suit was in a display case in the back, covered with a drape. Reaching in the case again, you take out the weapons and really complete the suit. “Hm...I wonder what would my name be?” Staring at yourself in the mirror. Knifes mixed with batarangs on your thigh harness, that connects to your utility belt and on your other thigh harness, it held your blade. “Still sharp.” You say to yourself as you hold your blade in your hand, wielding it with such precision and the up most care.

A mischievous thought came into your head. “He’s gonna freak out.” You giggle, walking towards the front of the cave and fixing your mask. You hear his voice in the distance, nearing it you ready your statement. “B, look at-” You cut the rest of your statement off, being met with multiple people. “oh hello.” You give a wave to the small crowd, not yet recognizing the people before you. “Clark. Clark Kent?” Your head tilts to the side a bit. “You interviewed us.” You notice his confusion and begin to lift up your mask. 

“I forgot this muffles my voice but I know you. Clark Kent. You interviewed us not too long ago.” You hold your mask to the side of your body. He recognizes you immediately. Bruce walks and settles beside you. “This is my fiancée, Y/n.” The men eyes widen at his statement. “Fiancée? So the bat does have a life.” Bruce glares at the blond man, you muffle a laugh with your hand. Walking up to them, you shake their hand as they introduce themselves. 

“Oliver, Green Arrow. Clark, Superman. Barry, Flash. Diana, Wonder Woman. And Hal, Green Lantern.” You made sure to get all their names right. “It’s a pleasure to meet you all.” You give a warm smile. You turn around and approach Bruce. “See, this is fun.” You lower your voice. He turns your cape to the back, so it could cover your butt. “This is dreadful.” He matches your tone. “Sure it is.” Sarcasm present in your voice as you pat him on the shoulder and quickly go to change your clothes in the back.

Joining them once again but in jeans and a shirt. “I’ve never seen or heard about her before.” Oliver says. “I’ve only gone out once or twice. That was a few years ago.” You include. “I could show you some footage if you’d like.” Diana walks up a little. “If you don’t mind.” At her words, you sit at the Bat computer, put in your password, fingerprint and a vocal password. “chicken butt.” You were personally proud of that password and never ever going to change it. “Welcome, Y/n Wayne.”

You search the computer and pull up the video. It got straight to the action. Goons flying left and right. But the shocker to them was Batman sitting on the roof while you were holding it down. The Goons stopped coming and you went to Batman. Soon enough, you backed off from him and stepped off the ledge but not before getting another goon in a vital spot to stop their movement. It then clicked to another camera, you landed with your feet on Catwoman’s back.

You tied her with a rope and dragged her to your motorcycle. Attaching the end of the rope to the back and driving away. “Is that Catwoman?” Barry asks amazed. “Yes and I made sure to hit every bump on the way to the police station.” You log out, turn off the computer and stand up. They stood a little frightened. “She’s alive.” You repeat, clearing up any misunderstandings. “Enough about me! Let’s head up to the Manor. Follow me.” You move through them exchanging “excuse me”.

“You have a family together?” Diana asks bluntly. “Yeah. We have 6 kids together.” You stop at the elevator opening the door. “There’s a 5 person limit for the elevator. I’ll go with half.” You turn to Bruce as you step in the elevator. Diana, Clark and Oliver step into the elevator with you. “This is not what I expected.” Oliver says. “What did you expect?” You question him, looking over your shoulder. “I don’t know. A man in a dark space, alone with a bat suit?” You open the door, getting out the elevator. Also allowing everyone to get out. 

“That’s actually how I found him.” You send the elevator back down. “Really?” You turn to them and shake your head. “No.” You chuckle. “This is Alfred. He’s a sweetheart.” You put your arm over Alfred’s shoulder and give him a side hug. He smiles. “I’ve told the children about your guests.” You glance at the stairs. “They’re still not here?” He shakes his head. You huff and see Bruce step out the elevator. You lead them through the hallways, passing by family portraits and other decorations. 

In between little conversations, you heard faint footsteps and light breathing. “Duck!” You squat down, reach into your back pocket and throw a knife. The collision of metal echoes in the hallway. You sigh, seeing a batarang in the ceiling. “Damian, no batarangs in the house!” He groans at his failed attempt of a sneak attack. “I was so close.” He mutters to himself. You pick up your knife and take a few steps back. “You still have a long way to go.” You pull your arm back and launch it forward, knocking the batarang off the ceiling.

Picking up the knife and batarang, you walk to Damian and hunch over to his level. “Your steps were too heavy and your breathing was too loud. Do me a favor and get everyone down here.” He reaches for the batarang, but you pull it from his reach. “Ok. I’ll do it.” You put the batarang in his hand. “Batarangs stay in the cave.” He huffs and walks away, passing the heroes. You pop up from your hunched stance. Proceeding to settle them in the kitchen. “Enemies aren’t my type of thing but grudges.” You give a thumbs up. 

“I heard you guys, launched a Justice League app. What happened to that?” Your curiosity is met with groans, sighs and facepalms. “I’ll tell the story.” You look to Hal. “Basically it was a bust.” Oliver steps in. “It wasn’t a total bust. I think it was useful.” Hal continues his statement. “As I was saying, it was a bust. Because people were using it to get pictures and autographs. It was defeating the purpose.” You hum. “Only because he didn’t get any autographs or pictures.” You laugh at Diana’s input. 

The evening went unexpectedly well given there was a group of superheroes at your house and nothing significantly bad happened. Bruce didn’t leave, like at all. He was basically your shadow. Never leaving your side and you’re not going to lie it was a little annoying but you loved it. If this is the case then you should invite them over more. But all good things must come to an end...

About a few days later, the family publicists contacted you. “Ok, Maylin. I’ll ask them what they want to do. No. Yeah, I wanna go canoeing but I’d rather all of us do something we like. You know I’m not the only one doing it...Yes, for sure. I’ll call you right back.” You hang up and look to everyone in the batcave. “That was the publicist, she wants to know what we want to do for our next public turn up.” They all groan. “Didn’t we do one last month?” You roll your eyes at Jason. 

“That was two months ago.” Duke corrects him. “My exact point. So what do you guys and gals wanna do? I was thinking we could go canoeing.” You suggest and wait for their answers. They sigh in unison, not wanting to leave the compound. “Or maybe motorboat or sail boating. Yeah! That sounds fun.” You tap your foot impatiently at their silence. “Why do we have to do something with a boat?” Tim asks. “Because I have a boating license and its going to expire this year. So why not use it.” 

Bruce sighs and turns in his chair to you. “I’ll ask again tomorrow, since its almost nightfall.” You give a forced smile and put your phone in your pocket. Your eye unable to meet his (or anyone’s for that matter). Feeling their stares, they start to make you a little uncomfortable. “I-I’ll just go.” You stammer, seeing the shock on their faces as you turn on your heels and take your leave. You didn’t go to your shared room. “ ‘Don’t turn on the tv,’ you should have listened y/n. stupid. Stupid.”

Your voice echoed in the west wing as you were locking select doors. Finally, locking yourself in a room. “I’m real. I know I’m real.” Your thoughts now back tracking to earlier... the clicking sounds of the remote came to a halt as you look up to a tall figure. “Don’t turn on the tv. Find something else to do.” You sighed to his words. “okay. I will.” You smiled, reaching for his neck and pulling him down. Giving him multiple kisses. Your eyes stayed on him until he turned a corner, waiting a few seconds you flipped through the channels.

“Welcome to News 52. The latest news in Gotham.” You landed on the local news channel. It seemed all well and fine...at first. “How’s everyone doing this morning?” You lowed down the volume a bit. “Quite well! Thanks for asking Vicki. Onto the Bruce Wayne matters.” The second host beams as she looks through her papers. “Ah, yes! Over the years, how come no one has seen Bruce Wayne’s “girlfriend.” I’m not saying she’s fake but have we seen any photos or videos turn up?” You scoffed to Vicki. 

“Exactly! The only evidence that we’ve seen or more trustworthy, heard is interviewers. When the Wayne Family gets interviewed. “She”, as they say is there.” They look to each other then the camera. “There’s been multiple occasions when a random woman comes out and implies she is this woman.” The second host continues. “There’s a chance they could be or that this whole charade is false and there is no woman.” Vicki says. “But this interview says otherwise.” She continues and a clip plays. From a time when you were getting interviewed by the Daily Planet and you agreed to be slightly in the camera but you could only see some of your clothing and a bit of hair.  

Clark and Lois were on the other side of the camera. You chuckled at something they said and Bruce just glanced at you. The clip ended and they continue to disrespect you. “Funny thing is, there’s been millions of women submitting videos of them laughing.” The second host says. “But that is all we can discuss as of right now. Stay tuned until the end of the broadcast for more incite on the matter. Now to Matt for the Weather.” 

It really shouldn’t matter what they think about you. Balling your eyes out in one of the rooms, shouldn’t be one of the things your doing right now. But staying until the end was dreadful. They were striping you of your pride, happiness and confidence. And they don’t even know you in the slightest. ‘maybe, I’m just being dramatic.’ You’ve pondered over this thought more times than you could count. But Bruce’s voice floods your ears every time. “Know your worth and double it. Don’t let anyone get to you. I can’t have you getting sad on me.” It was one of those tipsy talk nights, it revealed a side of Bruce that you wished you’d see more often.

You don’t want Bruce seeing you in this state as dumb as it sounds. In this relationship, you’re the anchor and he’s the boat. If the anchor lets up, the boat starts to drift. Deep down, you knew Bruce wouldn’t leave you. Are you sure about that? Yes. He doesn’t have time for your petty insecurities. That’s just the insecurities talking.... Is it? How would you know what he wants and doesn’t want? I know he wants to be with me. We’re going to get married- So? Divorce is a common thing in unbalanced relationships. 

You’re hands flew to your hair, gripping onto it. You couldn’t stop that dark voice in your head. Was it even your voice? This is you. You’re too fragile, unworthy for him. I am you. “no.” Your voice small. Yes. You neglect me, Y/n. I am apart of you. “No, you’re not! Leave me alone!” Your voice raises. He doesn’t love you. He’ll leave you for someone better. “Please! Leave me alone!” You practically yell, tears trailing down your face. He wouldn’t like someone of your kind. He needs someone like me. “Someone! Please!” You’ll know pain. The pain of having a heart ache. Like someone is being ripped away from you. 

Your head starts to pound like a thousand hammers are hitting it repeatedly. As you try to yell for help, your voice chokes in your throat. Like millions of pins and needles are being injected into your vocal cords. A hard thump on the ground and everything turned black. Yes, Indeed. You shall know pain.

[giorno-plays-piano]

Vicious

Part IV

Pairing: Steve x reader, Bucky x reader, Thor x reader, Loki x reader, Peter x reader

Warnings: yandere, obsession, stalking, possessiveness, theft, all characters are adults.

Words: 1880.

Summary: Transferring to Stark Academy that has only allowed to take in female students last semester, you realize you are just one of three young women among hundreds of students. Your things are constantly being stolen, and soon you begin fearing for your safety.

Part I

Part II

Part III

_________

After you came back to your room, you got a message from Steve about changing the locks on both you door and your locker. You were so taken aback by today's conversation in the student council room that you had completely forgotten about it. Apparently, Steve had already requested the change of locks on your behalf through email, and you were really grateful to him for that: you dreaded coming back to the room that had been forced open. Of course, tonight you would have to move your dresser to the door so that nobody could enter when you'd be sleeping.

Shit. It was absolutely crazy.

"I'm not sure about all this, Steve." You texted him while laying on your bed and staring at your phone in the darkness of the room. "It doesn't seem right."

Naturally, you meant the fake dating thing. It felt horrible thinking of what others would think after seeing you with five different guys. Would they be calling you a whore in the open? Make some nasty jokes behind your back? Report you to the school administration for immoral behavior? Remembering those bigots from the student office, you cringed at the thought.

Besides, it still didn't make sense to you why you had to date all five. Sure, if they were around you at all times like your friends, these unhinged bastards who stole your things wouldn't do anything funny again, but it wasn't like that. What could one guy do against a group of other students?

"Listen, I didn't want to talk about it in class, but I'm worried it won't end with a stolen lingerie."

You didn't like his message.

"What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. They might attempt something much worse than a theft."

Oh no. Was he talking about rape? Seriously? Did he anticipate others were so crazy they would do something like that?

But then again, girls were being raped in colleges even if it weren't the all-boys schools. A shiver ran down your spine.

"But if several people attack me, just one of you won't be enough." You typed with your shaky fingers, trembling beneath your blanket.

"It's not about the pure force. Each of us has a certain reputation, and others wouldn't want to cross us over because of it."

Wait, this was interesting. What on Earth did he mean? What kind of reputation was that to prevent people from messing with them?

"Thor is a good athlete and a great leader, his basketball team is ready to beat people to death for him."

"Loki's father is one of academy’s main sponsors, and he can have this school turned upside down if he wants to."

"Bucky is a threat by himself, but he also have a company of loyal friends."

"I don't think Peter is serious enough to scare anyone, but with his computer skills he could easily blackmail others, I’ve already seen him doing it. Students would be wary to cross him over just like any of us."

Steve was writing you a bunch of messages with a terrifying speed, and you could barely read the first when he was already sending you the second. It felt absolutely insane. Did he choose every guy because the more powerful admirers you have, the less others would intervene? Well, at least in case of Bucky and Thor who could beat people to near death, it was wise. You preferred not to think of Peter - you had no idea someone as sweet and caring as him did something as disgusting as a blackmail.

“But what others will think? 5 boyfriends? Others will think you are dating-” you paused, chewing your lips to bit, “- a whore. Nobody gonna stood up for me.”

"Imagine if each of us tells our friends that other four guys were just asked to watch over you, but you date only one.”

Oh. Yes, this was slightly better. Then you wouldn’t have to do something as bold as kissing every guy in public, instead maintaining the mystery who you were really dating. 

Damn, how Steve even came up with this plan? Why was everything so complicated?

“It’s getting late. Good night.” Your phone vibrated again, and you huffed with irritation. You hoped you could ask him a bit more - about what you were going to do with the thieves Steve found, for example - but he was probably getting tired with all your questions. It was better to ask him tomorrow.

___________________

The next morning you were restless: since you were starting to going out with guys, you felt like you needed to look better than you usually were, so you spent your morning working on your hair and makeup. It was like fake dating, right? You had to pretend you wanted to look pretty for them.

What else did you have to do? Cook something sweet for them? Yeah, probably, but not at the start of your relationship. Going to cafe together? Helping each other study? Loki also mentioned the cinema...

You felt dumb. Of course, you dated guys before, but now you realized you had no idea how to act not to cause any suspicion. Oh boy, it was going to be a tough day.

Thor nocked at you door thirty minutes before your first session, but you woke up so early you were more than ready to go. As you opened the door, first moving the dresser back to its place, the guy looked at you with a puzzled expression on his face.

"Hey, what was that?"

"The dresser. I can't leave the door just like that until the lock is changed."

He blinked at you, watching the door and then probably remembering somebody forced the lock open to steal your underwear.

"These guys are batshit crazy." He mumbled and nodded you to go with him, putting his hand on your shoulder. "Don't worry, they won't do it again."

You wanted to argue they definitely would, but, seeing his warm smile, you thought Thor simply wanted to cheer you up and smiled at him in return. In the end, he was here only to make you feel safer: you didn't doubt he was very popular with the girls every time he went out to the city.

"You look great today!" He said sheepishly, walking in the dorm's corridor while other students were staring at him silently, obviously surprised to see you two together. "I mean, not that you looked bad yesterday, I just..."

Watching his face suddenly getting crimson red, you couldn't help but giggle at his expression. You could never think Thor was actually bashful around girls. Yeah, at your old place he'd definitely be one of the most popular guys around.

It was lunch time when you two could actually talk, sitting together at the same table and being watched by everyone around. Strangely, with Thor constantly talking and often rubbing your hand with his, it didn't feel suffocating, and you held your head high: regardless whether those pricks were looking at you, you weren't going to run away to your room and cry there like a little girl. Loki was right: you weren't a silly little sheep, scared of your own shadow. You wouldn't let anyone spoil your time in the academy you dreamt studying in.

Funny enough, Thor turned out to be a talkative type when he was speaking about basketball and his team in particular. He loved sports: while you were more into hockey, the way he talked was so enthusiastic it made you listen to him with a genuine interest. Thor's love for basketball was infectious.

He seemed a simple man, this giant bag of muscles who was laughing so loud people around him flinched; Thor wasn't the exact type of a guy you would encounter on your own, but he seemed nice, sincere, and surprisingly softhearted. You felt at ease talking to him, and soon you too acted like you'd known each other for long.

It was a pity you'd only met under this circumstances. It felt like you two could became friends.

But then when Thor absent-mindedly put his arm around your shoulders, you remembered Loki's warning: they would try to gain your favors. Was it the reason Thor was so nice to someone he just met? Wasn't it suspicious of him? You couldn't let your guard down after just one lunch together. In fact, you knew nothing of the man sitting in front of you.

"I knew something like would happen." Some guy to your left sighed loudly, catching your attention. "They were fucking crazy."

"I'm not surprised either. I just wanna know who they got in a fight with to be beaten like that. Have you heard they broke Gray's both legs?"

"Woah, both? That's brutal, man."

You shivered, trying not to listen to them.

"It'd happen sooner or later anyway. They were completely wild."

A word caught your attention right away: that was what Steve called those students who were stealing your things. Could it be a coincidence? Surely, in an all-boys school the students were fighting each other constantly.

But to the point of breaking both legs of someone? Really?

As you sent Thor a nervous look, he gently patted your shoulder, lowering his voice so no one would hear him, "I'm sure it's nothing to do with you. These things happen here from time to time because the guys have no idea what to do with all that testosterone."

You hoped he was right.

The rest of the day went as usual aside from Thor walking the corridors with you and chatting about sports: he managed to convince you to come see the game next month when they would be having a tournament. You were grateful to him for helping to ease your mind because the news of guys being sent to the ambulance made you shook. Steve also mentioned something about his and other's friends ready to beat anyone to death, right?

By the middle of your last class you couldn't think of it any longer and quickly typed a message to Loki. Of all people, right now he seemed the most sincere to you.

"Hi. Are the guys who were beaten last night are the ones who stole my things?"

Waiting was a special torture when you held the phone in your arms beneath your desk, hoping to see your screen lighting up with a message. In five minutes you got your reply.

"Yes." The message said simply, but it was enough for you to stare at your phone with horror, wishing you didn't ask Loki anything.

Oh shit. It wasn't a coincidence, right? It's impossible. Somebody did it on purpose. But who of the five?

"Do you know who did it?"

Next time he answered pretty fast, "No."

A part of you felt relieved. Maybe it wasn't related, finally. Maybe they got beaten by somebody who was fed up with their attitude because they were crazy as the guys in the cafeteria said.

But what if it weren't true?

"Who's the most brutal among you five?"

Biting your lips, you started rocking in your chair a little, making the guy on your left to roll his eyes in irritation.

The phone's screen flashed again.

"Barnes."

Part V

_________

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[queen-of-my-goofball-army]

Undiagnosed Autism-spectrum disorder in The Michells Vs The Machines

I'm sure that more well educated people have put two and two together in this film but I really, really want to put my own spin on it from my experience. For me, as an aspie, film is one of my biggest interests. I love studying and more than anything I love watching and rewatching films. My latest favorite movie was one that I just watched last night for my family movie night, The Michells Vs The Machines. I also went 17 years of my life asking myself the same question that both Rick and his daughter ask each other, what is wrong with him/her?

Well, I'll tell you, in my firmly undiagnosed autistic opinion for far too long, that this family is full of people with undiagnosed autism spectrum disorder. When I was watching it with my parents my mom made the comment that "the dad was a jerk" and maybe "he just didn't love his daughter enough to let her be her own person." I thought that was so not seeing the bigger picture even though it was only fifteen minutes into the film. I have felt like Katie so much with my own dad. My dad is a computer nerd and a physics major for those of you that don't talk to me very often. That means in laminas terms that he's extremely smart. Way smarter than I will ever be in my entire life. Both of my parents are insanely smart in their own rights. My mom is a CPA accountant. But that isn't what I wanted to talk about here. I want to discuss the effect of undiagnosed autism and what it can do to a whole family when they all have it and just don't know that they do. This will probably go on for quite some time so you may stop here or read below the cut because this also has the probablity of getting super, duper personal.

We'll start with Katie! To me, Katie is one of the most relatable characters that I have ever come across. She's a film nerd, which alone has made her supremely relatable as somebody who is thinking about going into a degree in film studies. I am more of a critic of film than somebody who wants to make her own film but nonetheless, there were SO many little moments that I related to. The first thing that I personally noticed and related to was the stimming technique that Katie has. She chews on her hoodie strings. As somebody who has chewed on the drawstrings of hoodies far too often long before I was officially put into the Aspergers box. Aspies are also known to stick with one "special interest" for the rest of their lives if it's one that is wide enough and varied enough to make it applicable. For Katie, that's film. For me that's animation. I appreciated that little detail of most of her dialogue being references to other films because as a lover of films and movies in general I could go for days on just fumes and movie references that nobody else understands. The little things from her hair being perpetually messy (same that's a whole ass mood like I just learned over quarantine how to tye my own hair back), only having one earring in her ear at all times, the way that she dresses and draws on her own hands, this was just me when I was first in high school. I was one of the few people that wore shorts underneath all my skirts/dresses. Everyone who knew about looked at me like I had grown a third eyeball.

Aaron, the younger brother, also just oozes spectrum lil buddy out of his every pore from his being. I do think that they should have picked somebody capable of doing a bit of a younger sounding voice (I know what they were going for, but like Ben Schwartz has become a huge deal in both voice acting and live action before switching mediums.) His special interest is actually quite a common one, he loves dinosaurs. I've met a bunch of people on the spectrum that are fascinated by dinos and what they meant for the world as well as the universe as a whole. To me, there was one scene specifically that was the scene where Katie was lightly teasing him when they were going to the half assed dinosaur extravaganza. For me, this was SO relatable because both of my parents will mess with me about my interests most of the time it's when we go to Disneyland, they'll tell me that we actually aren't going to land of magic but to Timbuckto (hopefully one day they'll say some place else just to switch things up.) I related so hard to Aaron's protesting and whining in this scene since that is always my reaction to doing something that I want to do but get told that I can't do that thing.

Linda is more of your traditional mom but I think that she's on the spectrum as well. Just a more... normalized version as opposed to her family. She's able to be a teacher, she's able to interact somewhat normally around her neighbors. If anything, she reminded me of my own mom. This independent, takes nobody's trash (especially not her husband's), strong minded, and amazing mother who is completely in control of everything. She knows the special interests of her children and is constantly thinking of what will make them happy. Whether it be taking a detour for something dinosaur related, reminding her daughter that her dad loves her no matter what, and even something as simple as watching something that her daughter made and put her heart and soul into. I can't tell you how many times my mom has watched something with me. She watched my first anime Soul Eater with me when I was 12 and ever since then has been trying to get me to watch other shows with her. She's a lot like Linda, your loving, but firm mother who just wants her family to work things out.

Whew boy. This one is going to be probably where I cry. Comparing my dad to Rick is... something that I did consistently when I was watching the film. He's the strong but silent type usually, unless your me and he's just this constant annoyance when I'm trying to do something. He could be seen as just a "Jerk" but I think that is the undiagnosed aspie talking. Rick and Katie just struggle so hard to see eye to eye because their special interests can't intersect to save their lives. This, this hurt me because so often I struggle to relate to my dad. Especially when he talks to me about computers or physics. Now I took physics but without having been in quarantine and having him as my live in tutor I would have failed, not gotten an A. This has resulted me in saying things that I don't mean in the heat of the moment when we do argue. It doesn't happen nearly as much as it used to back when I was in middle school but when it happened it was because of one thing. I lied. I used to lie a lot because I felt so unworthy of being his daughter because on my best days I am not technically smart. You want to know how many nations of the world there were in 1991 when the original Animaniacs was airing? You want to hear my Dot Warner impression? Did you ever wonder how to recognize a specific voice when your watching anime? Have you ever had to watch a panel of your favorite anime voice actor just to laugh at something? No, well I did. But ever since I have started taking a quarter off from community college I have realized something. I am not technically smart. I struggle at learning the rules for math. My dad can do this with his eyes closed but me, I struggle and look like a complete moron. It took years for my dad and I to see eye to eye. Sometimes I still wonder if I was the product of some laboratory experiment of what would happen if two intelligent people came together, fell in love, and expecting that the daughter was smart I was the reject. Watching this movie with my dad I saw so much of my relationship with him on the screen. Struggling to relate to one another, fighting and getting into arguments about petty things, and not being able to be in the same room as one another without heated words because I didn't get him.

The scene that I related to the most when it was in terms of how much Katie just doesn't understand her dad was after he was nabbed by the machines. When Aaron asked her why she said those things to their dad and her simple answer was "I don't know." This. This right here was when I saw me. So many times I've gotten into heated arguments with my dad when he has simply annoyed me at the wrong time and I've just blown up in his face. Then I regret my actions and not know how to apologize for losing my temper with him because "I don't know" just doesn't seem like a nearly acceptable answer. I felt this in my soul because it happened especially often before I was diagnosed.

When I was diagnosed, things started to get better with my dad and I. We haven't had a fight in nearly four years now. He watches cartoons with me now to try and relate to me, it's mostly Pinky and The Brain but it's more than I could have ever asked for. I love my dad so much, more than anything in the entire world. This movie is so, so good at telling a story about how a family of undiagnosed aspie's and people on the spectrum struggle to relate to one another because their special interests are different.

Special interests and family's are especially difficult and I applaud this movie so loud because of the way that it was able to treat the subject matter with integrity and honesty. I'm sorry if this analysis got a little bit long in the toof but thank you for sticking with me! I really hope that if you watched the film you loved my analysis.

[blue-banditt]

I'm stealth at work was outed to my coworkers on Friday by a security worker, who— despite the fact that my security badge and computer security profile both have my name at the top and in bold (my badge only has my chosen name)— decided to use my legal name to get my attention / ask which one of us was [deadname] so she could talk to me about how my badge was expired or whatever.

So, yk, I had to identify myself when they asked for me. And my coworkers were all like "what?? 🤨 [Deadname]??" Like they were all confused and one asked if it was my last name and I was kinda just standing there like 😶‍🌫️😶 I really just wanted to delete their memories. Bc ik if they didn't get it RIGHT then, they were going to eventually put two and two together, it was only a matter of time. And they have.

I spent that entire day afterward paranoid as hell. I was hoping to the gods they would forget about it and write it off as something weird or none of their business and not think too far into it.

Because— while nobody's been blatantly transphobic to me so far, which I'm extremely grateful for— when a cis person finds out you're trans; no matter how much they respect you, or believe in trans rights, or "see" you as a man, no matter how much you pass; the first thing in their head when they see you or think about you becomes "this person was born female and has female genitalia and is a biological female that looks like a man" (whether or not those specific words get thought or just the concept, it's still there always in the back of their head now when they perceive you)

they become subconsciously scrutinizing about every little detail about you that could possibly be proof of that reality, and instead of it being perceived as a normality for a cis man who might be a bit feminine, it now becomes a little tiny thing that will make them perceive you as a little tiny bit more female. And they will subconsciously start treating you as more female. I've literally experienced this happening firsthand. The difference between being perceived as cis and as a trans man is so fucking insane.

we get held to such high standards. If we want to be seen as MEN, we can't be feminine in the same ways men are allowed to be. We get seen as "not enough of a man" or "no longer a man" whereas cis men will get seen as "weak" or "a sissy" or "perverted"— which isn't a good thing— but nobody will sit there and dispute the fact that they have a dick and balls. Id rather be seen as a sissy with a dick and balls than a fake man with a vagina.

Anyway. So now I'm no longer seen as a cis man. The men at my job are more standoffish, less open and welcoming to me. The one woman who works with me started talking to me about period stuff and women's problems like I understand and relate to her. I've been accidentally misgendered multiple times today despite the fact that, previous to being outed, NOBODY doubted the fact that I was a cis man, no matter how femininely I presented (long hair, painted nails, I even wear a sports bra when my binders are in the laundry bc my chest honestly isn't that noticable anyway, they still never doubted me.)

The accidental misgendering really gets me, it's PROOF that they don't see me as a cis man, that they now perceive me as a female cosplaying a man.

I'm grateful they respect me, respect my choices, haven't been intrusive about it, BUT FUCKING HELL JUST TREAT ME LIKE A FUCKING CIS MAN PLEASE THATS ALL I WANT

Nothing about me has changed, and yet they treat me like a completely fucking different person.

I really, really can't wait until I can be 100% stealth. I'm so tired of just waiting for the day people find out I was "lying" to them, being paranoid everyday they can tell, and having to be incredibly self conscious and overcompensate once they do find out. It's so dysphoria inducing and it makes me genuinely consider completely leaving this place just so I can find somewhere else where people don't know and will treat me like I'm cis.

Im gonna quit my job and find a new one where nobody knows I'm trans

[wicked-mind]

The Ghost of You

The Ghost Of You

Summary: Y/N pulled Bucky out of a lot of dark places after Steve was gone. But when Y/N dies on a mission, he starts seeing her ghost. Is she haunting him for her death, or is she here for some other reason?

Word Count: 4.5k

Warnings: Death of Y/N, sad Bucky, sad-ish ending. This is basically just sad. Oh, and there's a few swears.

Note: Let’s just say I’ve been stuck in my feelings these past few days. My mom passed away a couple months ago and I just needed to take that grief and put it into some sort of writing. 

_______________________________________________________________________

“Are you almost done? I’m starting to pile up bodies!” Bucky yelled towards Y/N as he continued to knock out enemy agents, throwing them on top of each other. He had ran out of ammo when they entered the large glass building so he had to resort to hand to hand combat. The building wasn’t supposed to have this many agents, but Bucky and Y/N never backed down from a challenge.

Y/N laughed at him, “Yeah, Buck, I’m almost done. Patience is a virtue!” She said with a smile as she watched the computer screen in front of her continue to download the information the team desperately needed. 

Bucky rolled his eyes at her comment, “Patience is not a strength of mine, hurry it up! We gotta get out of here!” He yelled back to her, kneeing another agent in the stomach which followed with a punch.

“Three… two…one… We got it!” Y/N said, unplugging the flash drive from the computer and tossing it to Bucky who tucked it away in a zipper of his jacket. She looked at the pile of bodies then back to Bucky, “You weren’t kidding, what a nice pile.” She smiled at him, “C’mon, Soldier.”

The two ran down the hallways, trying to avoid as many enemy agents as possible. They entered a suspiciously empty hallway, slowing their speed as they looked around. Every other hallway and floor had dozens of agents, why was this one different?

Bucky looked at Y/N, “I don’t like this. It’s too quiet.” He muttered, “I’ll go on ahead, check it out. You check the rooms.” He said before starting to walk down the hallway. He paused and looked back at her, “And please, be careful.” He said with a halfway pleading look before returning his focus ahead, his eyes scanning for any movement. 

Y/N nodded at his plan, “Don’t worry, Buck. I got it.” She replied, watching him make his way down the hallway for a moment, then returning her attention to the doors. She opened the first one, it was empty. Second door, nobody inside. The third door gave Y/N a bad feeling. She stared at the doorknob for a moment, pulling a blade from the sheath on her thigh. She slowly turned the knob. 

CLICK

Bucky turned immediately at the sound, “Y/N! Don’t!” But by the time he got the words out, it was too late. 

BOOM

The door was rigged with an explosive and as soon as Y/N started opening it, the bomb on the other side exploded. Y/N was thrown back from the door, her back hitting the glass window with enough force to make it shatter. She fell through the window, her hands grasping for anything but only grabbing air. Then everything was black.

Bucky tried to run quickly down the hallway towards Y/N, but the blast sent him flying back down the hallway. He quickly stood, “Y/N!” He screamed out as he looked down from the 13th floor of the building, seeing her body below. Y/N had blood flooding around her body as she laid face up. Her eyes were open and staring back up at Bucky lifelessly. He knew in that instant that Y/N was gone just by the way her eyes looked up at him.

six weeks later

Bucky could swear he was being haunted. He kept catching glimpses of Y/N’s face everywhere, but when he took a second glance she was always gone. He blamed himself for her death, thinking of every way things could’ve been different. Maybe he should’ve been in charge of the doors. He could’ve survived the fall, and if not, at least Y/N would’ve survived. She was always a better person than him anyway. He had always admired her ability to find the light in dark situations. She had always been patient with him, especially when they first met. It took Bucky about a month to respond to Y/N with an answer other than ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ She trained with him in silence, always had an extra cup of coffee for him without needing a thank you, and always made sure he was in the right headspace for missions. The two became close friends. Sam was always teasing Bucky that there was something more than just friendship between the two but Bucky always denied it with a grumble even though he sometimes thought the same.

Bucky laid in his bed, sweating underneath the thin sheet as he had another nightmare about the day Y/N died. Every time he had this nightmare he tried to be quicker. Tried to get to her in time to stop her, but it always ended the same. With Y/N thirteen stories below, staring up at him lifelessly. He jolted awake in a panic, taking a few deep breaths and wiping the sweat from his face.

“Another nightmare?”

The voice caused Bucky’s blood to run cold. It was Y/N’s voice. He would know that voice anywhere. He turned his head slowly to see her sitting in the chair beside his bed, twirling a knife through her fingers with ease. She had a soft smile on her lips towards him as she usually did. Bucky rubs his eyes, blinking to see if he was still dreaming. But there she was, just sitting there like she hadn’t died six weeks ago. 

“Y/N… How are you here?” Bucky asks, still in shock with what he was seeing. 

Y/N shrugged, a small smile still on her lips, “Hi, Sweetness. Nice to see you too. No how are you? Nice knife you got there? You’re spinning it wrong?” She teased, but seeing no reaction she shrugs at his question, “I don’t know. Maybe I’m a ghost.”

“Are you haunting me?” Bucky asks in almost a whisper, his eyes staying locked on her.

Y/N narrows her eyes at him, the smile still on her lips, “Do I seem scary and haunting?” She asks in a soft voice and a tilt of her head.

Bucky shook his head, adjusting himself on the bed. He kept the sheet over his lap as he swung his legs over the side to sit on the edge of the bed facing Y/N, “No, not really. I mean, I’m not scared.. I just kept seeing your face everywhere and now you’re.… Here.”

“I don’t think I’m here to haunt you. I don’t have anything to haunt you for anyway.” Y/N said, standing from the chair. The knife had disappeared in thin air from her hands. She moved to sit next to him, looking up at him through his messy dark hair, “Maybe I’m here because you need help. And as you know, I’m very helpful. I’m pretty much your best friend.”

Bucky watched her. She talked and walked like Y/N. Even had the same knife tricks as Y/N. He wondered if he was going insane from grief, but at least he got to see her again if he was, “I kind of deserve the haunting part. I could’ve survived that fall, it should’ve been me checking those doors. Should’ve known better.” He said, looking down to his hands on his lap.

Y/N frowned a bit at Bucky’s reaction. This was something she helped him with when they were getting to know each other. She tried to show him not every bad thing was his fault and he couldn’t control everything but now he seemed to be slipping back into his old ways, “Don’t do that, Buck. It’s not your fault.” She reminded.

Bucky wanted to smile at her encouraging words. It was the same thing she always tried to tell him when he went to the dark places in his mind, “Even as a ghost you’re still trying to help me. Thank you, doll. But I still feel the guilt of it.”

Y/N moved to stand in front of him, grasping his attention, “Well, we will just have to work on feeling guilty for something you had no control over.” She said, placing her hands on her hips as she did when she would lecture him about such things, “It’s 2:30 in the morning. You should really try to get some sleep, I know you haven’t slept well since that day.” She said softly, returning to sit in the chair by his bed, “Don’t worry, I’ll be here.” She promised gently, the knife reappearing in her hand as she twirled it between her fingers.

Bucky watched her carefully, knowing she was right. He hadn’t slept well since that day and had only managed to get a few hours of sleep a night. He laid back on his bed, turning so he could face her as if to make sure she didn’t go anywhere. He watched her for an hour fiddle the knife through her fingers, a small smile on her lips. Bucky considered again if he was losing a grip on his mind from grief and guilt, but she felt so real sitting there watching him. He wanted to think she was real, but somewhere in his mind he knew the truth. Y/N was gone and this was the ghost of her.

When Bucky awoke, as promised, Y/N was still sitting in the chair waiting for him with the knife still spinning between her fingers. She gripped the knife to a halt when she saw his eyes open to look at her, “I’m still here.” She assured with a small smile, before standing and started pacing the room, “Okay, so I’m thinking a little sparring with Sam because I know it’ll make you feel better to kick his ass, after that you’re gonna need a good breakfast, then maybe a nice walk so we can talk about your feelings because we both know you aren’t going to share your feelings with your therapist.” She said, listing off the agenda.

Bucky smiled as he sat up. It was just like Y/N was alive again, always making an agenda to keep them busy for the day to keep his mind out of darkness. He couldn’t help but feel a little relief that he was seeing the ghost of her, or what he thought was a ghost. It was like she was still with him, “I’ve learned to never go against your plans.” He said softly, standing and pulling on some sweats and a grey t shirt that he could spar in, “You coming or what?” He asks as he walks towards the door.

Y/N smiles, she still had the ability to boss him around, “Of course I’m coming! You know my favorite part of the day is morning sparring. Punch the sleepy outta ya.” She beamed as she followed closely behind him down the hallways until they reached the training room. She stood at the edge of the ring, bouncing on her toes and throwing a few punches in excitement.

Bucky almost laughed at Y/N as he watched her bounce on her toes, but stifled it as Sam walked in. He was curious for a moment if Sam could see Y/N also, but when he walked right by her and didn’t acknowledge Y/N, Bucky had his answer about that. She was his ghost and his only.

Sam narrowed his eyes at Bucky. Something was different today and he couldn’t figure out what. Things don’t happen over night to turn a man form a sulking mess into someone who seemed almost normal. Well, normal for Bucky. Sam wrapped his knuckles as he kept an eye on Bucky, trying to figure out what he kept looking over at by the ring, “Everything alright, Buck?” He finally asked as he entered the ring. 

Bucky snapped his attention to Sam, following into the ring, “Yeah, everything’s fine.” He said shortly, wiping the emotion from his face. He circled so he could see Y/N behind Sam out of the ring. He tried to keep from smiling as she made faces at the back of Sam’s head, she would always do that when she was alive when Sam pissed her off.  Bucky kept flickering his eyes to Y/N, who kept yelling out hints to him of what Sam was going to throw at him next. The edge of his lips even curled a little to smile as she encouraged him.

When sparring was done, Bucky stood by Y/N until Sam was gone, before turning to her with a grin, “You’re right. Kicking Sam’s ass does make me feel better.” He said as he unwrapped the tape from around his knuckles on his flesh hand.

Y/N smiled at him, nodding, “I’m always right, remember?” She said with a laugh as she folded her arms, “Okay, next on the list, breakfast.” She said, then wrinkled her nose, “But first, you need a shower. I may not be able to smell you due to the fact I’m a ghost, but I still remember what you smell like after sparring.” 

Bucky chuckled and shook his head at her, looking down. Of course she was making jokes, she was always making jokes trying to get him to smile or laugh, “Of course I’m going to shower, I’m not an animal.” He said, starting to walk out of the training room.

Y/N followed him, “Your name is Bucky, it’s not that from off from animal.” She teased as she walked with him. She paused at the outside of the bathroom door, “I’ll be out here. Don’t worry. I think you’re stuck with me.” She said with a smile.

Bucky looked down at her outside the bathroom door, listening to her talk. He hadn’t tried to touch her yet, he was a little worried of how he would react if his hand went right through her, “I won’t be long.” He said, before disappearing through the door.

Y/N stood in the hallway leaning against the wall. She watched Sam walk by on the way to the kitchen to start to make breakfast as he always did. He made the best breakfast, it was something Y/N missed as a ghost. She turned her attention to the door as Bucky came out, all cleaned and dressed in fresh jeans and a black shirt, “Sam’s making breakfast, c’mon.” She said, nodding down the hallway.

Bucky nodded and walked with her to kitchen, going over and grabbing a cup of coffee and plating himself up some bacon, eggs, and pancakes. He sat down in his normal seat, looking over to see Y/N staring at the bacon as if she wanted some. He watched her even try to sniff it.

“Well that sucks. Can’t even smell the bacon.” Y/N muttered before making her way over to stand by Bucky, “You enjoy that bacon. Every last piece. And a few extra for me.” She smiles at him, a knife reappearing in her hand and twirling it through her fingers quickly. It was something Bucky had taught her. He knew all the tricks with knives. 

Bucky smiled a little at her comment, picking up a piece of bacon and taking a bite off of it as he looked at her, making a small ‘mmm’ sound of enjoyment at the taste. Sam raised an eyebrow at this, trying to figure out what he was doing.

Y/N scowled at him, “Rude, James. Rude.” She said, “I have a knife. It may be a ghost knife but it’s a very sharp pointy knife.” She said as the speed of twirling the knife through her fingers quickened.

After breakfast, Y/N walked outside the perimeter with Bucky, her hands behind her back with her fingers interlocked as she walked, “So, this is the walk where we talk about your feelings. Tell me about your feelings.” She said, looking up at him from the corner of eyes.

Bucky sighs, he wasn’t looking forward to this part of the day. It was always something she had to drag him to do when she was alive. Y/N made him get everything out into the open so it wouldn’t eat him alive, “I don’t know, Y/N.” He muttered, “I don’t know what I’m feeling. A lot of guilt and grief.”

Y/N pursed her lips together as she listened, nodding slowly, “Okay, talk to me about it. Tell me how you feel.” She said, an encouraging smile on her lips as always.

Bucky didn’t talk for a moment, just kept looking ahead as if he was focused on the view. He finally broke the silence with a sigh, “I lost everything. I found Steve again, but now he’s gone too. Then I had you but because of a stupid decision… you’re gone.” He looks over at her, his eyes filled with sadness as he remembered watching Y/N being blown through the glass with panic in her eyes, “When I looked down from the window at you… You were staring up at me, but I knew you were gone from the look in your eyes. That image haunts me. It should’ve been me that was blown out that window. Or we should’ve just gotten out of there. I made that wrong call.”

Y/N nodded as she listened to his words, keeping a steady pace with him as they walked, “You can’t blame yourself for everything, Bucky. Shit happens and even if you are a super soldier, you can’t save everybody.” She looks over at him, “I don’t blame you at all. It was a terrible accident. Death is very difficult. When my mom died, it felt like my world was over. But everyday after she died, the sun still rose and the birds still sang and I hated it. It felt wrong that the world kept turning without her. I hated every person I saw, wondering why it had to be her and not someone else. I felt jealously anytime I saw another person with their mother.” She paused, looking down at the grass. She had told Bucky her mom died, but never anything more about how it felt, “It felt like I had died too and they just forgot to bury me.”

Bucky looked at Y/N as she spoke, his eyebrows pulled together as he listened. He didn’t know she was affecting this hard by the loss, she never let it show. He wanted more than anything to just embrace Y/N into his arms, “I didn’t know it was like that for you, I’m sorry.” He said softly, realizing Y/N was always so busy focused on him that he didn’t see the grief she went through.

Y/N shook her head and gave him a small smile, “It’s alright, Bucky. You’ve been through more grief than probably anybody on the planet with what you’ve gone through. It’s alright to feel lost and scared about the future. But if you don’t keep moving forward and trying to make everyday better, then you’re, in a way, letting down those you’ve lost. They would want you to continue for them. I want you to continue living for me.”

Bucky stopped walking and looked at Y/N. He understood what she was saying to him, but it was easier said than done, “I’ll try, Y/N.” He said gently, honestly. He even offered a small half smile towards her.

Y/N smiled at his words, “Good. Now let’s finish our walk.” She said, continuing her strides. They talked about their past time together as they walked, laughing at memories they shared. Eventually, they went back inside and Y/N sat with Bucky as he ate dinner. She, of course, judged him for having a sandwich for dinner. Claiming it was strictly a lunch food and that Bucky was going to have to at least learn how to cook something. 

After dinner, Bucky went back to his room with Y/N, watching as she laid back on his bed and spun the same knife in her hand. Bucky sat on the edge of the bed as he watched her, “Why are you always spinning that knife?” He asks curiously. Since he started seeing her, she always had that knife twisting between her fingers. 

Y/N looked over at him, tilting her head slightly at his question. The knife came to a stop with the blade between her index and middle finger, “You don’t recognize it, Bucky? You’re gonna hurt my feelings.” She said with a soft smile.

Bucky narrowed his eyes as he examined the blade. He didn’t recognize it at first, distracted by the fact he was seeing the ghost of Y/N. But when he got a better look at it, he knew immediately, “That’s the knife I got for you after you asked me to teach you all my knife tricks… When you made me admit we were friends.” He said softly.

Y/N nodded, “There you go.” She said, looking at the knife that rested between her fingers, “I like to think this knife signifies everything between you and I. It was the start of our friendship, when you finally started opening up to me.” 

Bucky stared at the knife, memories flashing through his mind from when he taught Y/N how to twirl it between her fingers effortlessly. She became almost as much of an expert in handling knives as he was from teaching her. He remembered the first time she cut herself as she tried to twirl it between her fingers, almost taking her ring finger off. Bucky was so concerned that he stitched her finger up himself and lectured her about always knowing where the blade was if she was fiddling with it. He smiled slightly at the memories as he laid back on his bed beside Y/N, turning on his side so he could look at her. Bucky suddenly felt sadness creep through his body seeing her laying there next to him. He wished she was real, he wished he could reach out and wrap his arms around Y/N. He was still scared to try and touch her, worried if he did she may disappear. As he stared at Y/N, Bucky suddenly realized why Y/N’s death was hitting him so hard. He had never told her how he felt for her because he didn’t really know until she was gone. It’d been a long time since he felt any sort of spark, but somewhere in him he knew that he loved her.

“What’s on your mind, Sweetness?” Y/N asks curiously, the knife disappearing from her hand as she turned on her side to meet Bucky’s blue eyes.

Bucky’s lips twitched into a small smile for a moment as she called him ‘sweetness.’ It was something she always called him, “Guilt, I guess.” He muttered over to her.

Y/N raised an eyebrow at him, “Guilt, huh? What about?” 

Bucky sighs, “Guilt about all the things I’ve never told you.” He paused before continuing, keeping his eyes on Y/N’s face, “I have so many things I never thanked you for. Things I never told you because I didn’t realize them until you were gone.”

Y/N could see the sadness in Bucky’s eyes, but she kept a small smile across her lips, “I’m here now, Bucky. You can tell me.”

Bucky looked away from her for a moment, staring at the white sheet on the bed, “What if I tell you and you disappear?” He asks. He was worried Y/N was here to listen to his unfinished business and when he got it off his chest, she would disappear.

“Even if you can’t see me, it doesn’t mean I’m gone. I’m always with you, Bucky.” Y/N said softly to him, “I promise I would never leave you on your own, you know that.”

Bucky looked back to Y/N’s face. The way she looked at him, it made his heart feel heavy. He was realizing she was here because he needed to say how he felt. He reached out his right hand to touch her face, pausing before he got close enough to touch her. He was still scared she would disappear at his touch. Bucky swallowed his fear and continued his hand closer to Y/N’s face. To his shock, he could feel her cheek with his finger tips. His mouth parted a little in disbelief that he could feel her as if she was still alive and laying next to him in the bed. He pressed his palm to her cheek, stroking her skin with his finger tips. Bucky could feel some tears stinging his eyes as they welled up, “Thank you for never giving up on me, believing I was a better man than I thought I was.” He whispered to her.

Y/N smiled at his touch, lifting her own hand to touch his that rested on her face. She nodded slightly at his words, “You are a great man, James. Always remember that.” She paused as she watched some tears roll down Bucky’s cheeks, “Now tell me.” She whispered knowingly.

Bucky knew what he needed to say and what Y/N wanted to hear. He lifted his head from the pillow, looking down at her. He leans over, pressing a soft kiss to her lips, “I love you, Y/N.” He whispered against her lips.

Y/N kissed him back, lifting her hands to wipe away the tears from his cheeks. She pulled back from his kiss, “I know. I love you too.” She told him with a comforting smile, “Now let that guilt go. For me please.” 

Bucky nodded to her request. He would try for her, he would do anything for Y/N. He kept his hand pressed to her face, not wanting to let go in case she would disappear when he removed his hand. The way Y/N spoke, it sounded like she was going to leave and as much as Bucky wanted her to stay this way forever, he knew he had to let her move on. 

Y/N could see the gears turning in his head, she could see the worry in his eyes, “Don’t worry, Bucky. I’ll always be with you no matter what.” She promises to him, her finger tips brushing some of his hair away from his eyes.

Bucky listened to her words. They were genuine. He felt relief as he realized Y/N would always be with him, even if she wasn’t alive anymore. He promised himself he would carry her with him in everything he did. He leans forward again, feeling her soft lips against his. But as he felt her kiss him back, he felt her fade away. When Bucky opened his eyes again, Y/N was gone. He blinked a few tears out of his eyes as he stared at the pillow where her head had laid. Y/N may not be there anymore, but in the place where her head once rested, the knife Bucky had given her laid waiting for him.