#i would like to opt out of the social experiment please

[rubixpsyche]

[with gritted teeth] people are different, we need to be different, noone else grows up like anyone else, our experiences are not universal, we cannot wrangle them into understanding, we must be understanding of them

[vampkittyxoxo]

Hello there!!!!

I am a big fan of your work and I was wondering if it would be possible for you to write romantic relationship hcs for draco? Any pronouns are welcomed and appreciated!

Of course, I do hope not to pressure you! Please do take your time! And of course, if you do not wish to do this request, that is perfectly alright!!! 😁

-🌮

(btw sorry if my request is incoherent😓)

Thank you all for your requests!! I’ve gotten many people asking for Draco!

And may I say thank you for all the compliments!! You are all so sweet!!

I wasn’t sure if the unlabeled requests wanted romantic or just general hcs so I wrote both.

This is also my third time writing this because tumblr keeps refreshing the app if I even change the app for a second, so sorry if this feels rushed!

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

Draco romantic/general headcanons

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

~ Obviously, his favorite genre is metal. That doesn’t mean he likes all metal though— he can’t stand sludge metal or glam metal. However, he loves power metal and alternative metal!

~ I’d assume he’s around 23-24 in age, given that he had to have had time to build up his audience and find his sound.

~ Draco would be a bit on the tall side, maybe around 6’3-6’5 (roughly 190-196 cm). He has a nice build that comes naturally from a fast metabolism.

~ Admittedly… He really wants to start drawing. However, Draco thinks he’s too old to start now, so he opts for doodling dragons and wyverns in his free time.

~ Draco has quite a special interest in dragons… and of course, the obligatory hyperfixation on Wings of Fire in middle school. I mean, it was bad. He was telling all his friends about it, made every class project somehow correlate to Wings of Fire, and even wrote... fanfiction.... granted it was terrible considering he was 12. (I am not speaking from past experience with warrior cats.... no....)

~ He has a pretty decently sized vocabulary. This is mostly from reading lots of poetry and literature to help him with lyrics, but he is also smarter than he looks.

~ Draco has always been bad at making friends despite being popular now. He doesn't know how to talk to people for the first time and isn't sure what's all socially acceptable and what isn't. In middle school, he had a small group of four people, himself included, but he was always the odd one out. Then, in high school, he went through three different friend groups of varying sizes. It was very hard for him to maintain friendships, meaning lots of lunch periods were spent alone.

~ He was a theatre kid. I stand by this. Before he got actually good at singing, he practiced by getting supporting roles in school plays during high school.

Romantic Headcanons

~ Yes, he's popular. No, he's never had a real partner. You're what he considers his first.

~ Draco is very, very nervous at the start. The first time he saw you, even if you were dressed lazily, he was awestruck. Given his past with friends, he was very hesitant to talk to you. But God, the way you smiled at him, he forgot all about his past and made conversation.

~ While in the talking/friend stage, he gushes about you through song lyrics he writes in his journal. He would never show you or even tell you about it, though. Maybe 40 years past marriage, on his death bed he would...

~ As friends, Draco tells you about his music (if you're already not a fan... if you are a fan, that's another bullet point). If you react positively, he feels so validated and falls for you even harder.

~ Had you already known he's decently popular, Draco worries that you're only talking to him because of that fame. He obsesses over this fear for a week before finally giving in and asking for assurance.

~ He waits forever to ask you out-- he really wants to make sure you're giving signs that you like him before he does anything. And when he does, he doesn't make it a huge deal. After he takes you home one night, while saying your goodbyes, he pauses to ask if you would be his partner. When you say yes, he has to contain every ounce of his excitement to not look weird or desperate.

~ At the beginning, he's very hesitant to make any big steps forward. You're his first real partner, after all. He starts small with hand-holding, then gradually works up to other forms of affection.

~ He loves touching you, though. Even hand-holding is enough to get him flustered and giggling. He cuddles with you when watching shows or movies, before you're about to go to bed, or any other time he can make an excuse to hold you (or be held by you...). He's mostly the big spoon-- he loves the feeling of protecting you, so to speak-- but he enjoys being held every once in a while.

~ His main love languages are physical touch and quality time. Considering he probably gets gifts all the time from fans, gifts don't mean anything super special to him as it would to most normal people. He does appreciate it when you praise him or reassure him that he's not a bad person/musical artist/etc.

~ Draco will take you on every tour he goes on-- if you want to come with him that is. If you decide to go, he'll show you around every town you stop in, spoil you with good food and small presents, and make sure your trip is just as fun as his. Obviously, you get right up to that barricade at his shows.

~ He would discuss this with you first, but if you were comfortable with it, he would totally bring you up to the stage so you could sing the backing vocals for a song. He would introduce you as his partner (sorry to the other fans in the crowd... sorry Edgar...) and he would make sure the crowd likes you.

~ If you decide to stay home, he's facetiming you every chance he gets. He would probably set his phone up somewhere on the stage so you can watch the show as well. He misses you lots and lots and lots whenever he's away.

~ Draco has definitely written a few songs about you. He just prays you two never break up, because some are his most popular songs...

.·:*¨༺ ༻¨*:·.

This is all I can think of right now... if I ever come up with more I'll make a new post. Requests are open <3

[allsadnshit]

hello! feel free to disregard if this is overly personal, but a close friend is getting exploratory surgery for her endo in a few weeks and i am brainstorming different ways i can give tangible support. im planning to cook a few meals and put together a care package, and i was wondering if u had any recs for specific products/natural medicine/meals? your candidness abt your own journey has been really moving to me and i would appreciate some insight! again apologies if it crosses a line and feel free to delete <3

that's so sweet! endo surgery is different for everyone - and also really taxing because you don't know what's gonna happen till they are in there (like if a lots gonna be cut out, if they don't find anything, etc)

I think meals is a 10/10 to have ready. Cooking is hard and nourishing food after surgery is soooo important! bone broths, herbal teas, congee, and things easy to digest and get the system back in flow.

My essentials were: cramp cream from the brand getsomedays (I hate their social media marketing and I think they post a lot of dumb stuff, but the cramp cream is their best product and I haven't found anything that works better), a heating pad, a meal tray with a soft bottom for eating in bed, maybe comfy slippers, SOMEONE WASH AND DRY THEIR SHEETS BEFORE SURGERY SO THE BED FEELS CLEAN AND GOOD, aaaaaand if they are offered opioids...which they likely will be....I HIGHLY recommend NOT taking them and opting for the other pain meds that are less addictive.

also if they are suggested birth controls or IUD after finding endo and they arent already on them - PLEAAAASE let them know there are OTHER options that won't destroy their body and hormones...Chinese medicine, holistic medicine (brands like Elix healing or root + bones), physical therapy for tightness and muscle strain...like literally anything else!!!!!!! and if they decide to take the birth control please make sure they look into the user experiences on reddit. Mine gave me such crazy heart palpitations I thought I was going insane or dying!

GOOD LUCK <33333 tell them recovery is a slow burn not a race

[mylovelies-docx]

Sorry, I Love You - Part 8

I apologize for not posting last week. How about this longer chapter to make up for it?

Plot: You and Bucky have a good thing going - best of friends that also have more than a little chemistry between the sheets. Everything is fine until you develop feelings for the man who doesn't want a relationship. What will happen when Bucky finds out?

C/W: First day of HYDRA work, social gatherings

Word Count: 2,270

Tag List: NOW CLOSED! If you'd like to keep up with this story, please follow my blog and turn on notifications! ❤️ you :)

[Prologue][Part 1][Part 2][Part 3][Part 4][Part 5][Part 6][Part 7]

The next morning dawned bright and chilly. You only know this because you happened to pass by a window covered in frost on your way to one of the HYDRA labs within the facility. 

Your first few hours on site had you running through various tests and exams to study your mental capacity and knowledge on the interest that HYDRA holds in the biology field. There was nothing shocking or unexpected that your new supervisors asked you, but the implications of what they expect from you sends shivers down your spine. You studied and memorized and read for weeks in preparation for this assignment last year, and you’re so glad that your brain retains this kind of information like a sponge – you’d have been disposed of on the spot if your background hadn’t checked out.

But now you’ve ‘officially’ joined HYDRA. The thought leaves a bad taste in your mouth, but you wash it down with the knowledge that what you’re doing is going to help the world by eliminating whatever disgusting and horrible work is being done here.

The plan is to spend as much time as it takes to gain HYDRA’s confidence in your abilities and allow you access to the higher level projects – the world-ending projects. This could take weeks. Or months. Hopefully not years? Being Bucky’s sister for that long would drive you insane.

“You,” a scientist snaps from behind their desk as you pass their open office door. You stop in your tracks and peer into the dingy office, noticing scuff marks and mysterious stains on the floor. The man’s desk has every square inch covered in files and papers. So much so that there is a noticeable curvature on the desktop, the cheap material unable to handle the amount of weight it has been subjected to over the years.

“Yes, sir?” you inquire.

He refuses to look up from his work, instead opting to dangle a set of keys from his fingers in your direction. “Go and grab the files for project 0B276HG21 in storage room C.”

Repeating the string of numbers and letters in your head, you take the keys from his outstretched hand and make your way to the storage room. There are so many rooms within the facility that you would be lost without the information your informant sent the team. But even with it, the facility has undergone changes since the last facility plans were uploaded, so you run into dead ends where there should be access doors.

You can only hope that your experience and knowledge will allow you to work your way up quickly – you don’t know how long you can stand to be a lackey. You roll your eyes at the errands you’ve had to run so far, but you know that the new person never gets given the big jobs on the first day.

And so the rest of the shift passes in the same manner and you arrive back at your and Bucky’s house with little energy and even less information.

“Don’t worry about it, doll,” Bucky reassures. “Slow and steady wins the race, right?”

“That’s such a stupid fable,” you grumble. “The hare would have won if it didn’t have such an inflated ego.”

Bucky grins at your disgruntled face before you flop your head backwards to rest. You release a sigh and relax further into the couch where you collapsed after walking in the front door, relieved to smell dinner simmering away on the stove since you arrived home later than expected and hadn’t had the opportunity to grab lunch. 

You tilt your head and watch as Bucky shuffles around the kitchen. He’s long since showered after his time at the repair shop: his hair nearly dry and the strands sticking out in a way that you know he tousled it with his towel and let it finish air drying. The new shorter strands allowed for the minimal work to pay off in dividends because it was damn near impossible to remember how soft his hair used to be and not be able to run your fingers through it now. 

Your fingers itch to reach out, but you grip the cushion instead. No one said that this would be easy. Well, no one has said it’d be anything because Nat’s mission has her radio silent and Wanda is busy spending time with Vis for you to complain about your one-sided love with someone who doesn’t know the feeling. You know that if they knew what was happening right now, they’d be plying you with ideas on how to survive this mission with minimal heartbreak.

“The food is done,” Bucky says as he gathers plates and utensils to set the table. “Are you coming in here or do you want me to bring you a bowl?”

Unfortunately, your best friends aren’t available to provide their wisdom, so here you are: suffering in silence with no outlet. 

“I’ll be there in a second,” you respond. You unclench your fist from the couch’s fabric and stretch out your stiff fingers. Rising from your seat, you make your way into the kitchen and take a seat at the table as Bucky brings the pot over from the stove. You stare intently into the soup as Bucky ladles it into a bowl and sets it in front of you.

“Did something happen today?” he questions with a worried expression.

“You know HYDRA,” you tiredly reply. Looking up into his eyes for the first time this evening, you see the crease between his brows and mentally slap yourself. “I’m fine, Bucky. They don’t have me working on anything specific yet.”

“I know,” he says, “but just be careful with those people, okay?”

You smile up at him and nod your head, your heart squeezing in your chest.

You’re both silent through dinner with the exception of your compliments on Bucky’s cooking. It’s hard to clear the air after bringing up HYDRA and their actions, even in the vaguest way.

***

The week stretches on for an eternity, but eventually Saturday rolls around and you and Bucky prepare to meet the neighborhood.

You arrive at the restaurant right on time. Light pours from the windows and the snow on the ground glistens gold. As soon as you open the car door, you hear laughter and chatter forcing their way through the walls.

“I hate entering a party where everybody is already best friends with each other and then you’re left standing there like a loner,” you decry, already dreading the feeling of ‘otherness’ you will be experiencing in a few short moments.

“You’re not a loner,” Bucky laughs. “You make friends as easily as breathing.”

“Not true,” you counter. “I can make ‘friends’ with strangers, but it’s never anything real. I’m a spy, remember? It’s literally life or death to get people to like me.”

“Trust me, doll,” Bucky says as he looks intently at you from across the car. “People can’t help but love you.”

Heat rushes to your cheeks and you hope the light from the restaurant isn’t bright enough to reveal them to Bucky. The feelings squirming around in your stomach feel suspiciously like hope, and you can’t have that. You deflect any seriousness by laughing off Bucky’s comment.

“Tell that to all the people I’ve thrown in prison.”

Bucky calls your name with some disappointment and a slight frown on his face. You shrug your shoulders and motion towards the entrance. “It’s time to head inside. Come on.” 

You walk away from him and lead the way into the building. Upon opening the door, a blast of warm, humid air hits you. The smell of beer and sweat sweeps up your nostrils, and the interior design reminds you more of a local dive bar than a restaurant. But everyone is laughing and having a good time, so you plaster a smile on your face and look around for the Gretens.

You see Christopher speaking to a short, skinny man, deep in conversation and barely acknowledging anyone else. Tessa stands in a corner surrounded by three other women, all of them laughing and having a good time. Bucky walks up behind you as you stand in the doorway and puts a hand on your shoulder.

“Divide and conquer?” he asks. You nod your head and make your way over to the group of women.

When you’re within ten feet of her, Tessa notices you. She beams at you and raises her hand to usher you closer. 

“Ladies!” Tessa introduces. “Meet our newest neighbor!”

A round of introductions follows and you can’t help but admire how blatantly obvious these women are about their curiosity.  Tessa seems to have already told them everything she knows about you, but they have to ask their own questions. 

“And where’s that brother of yours?” one of them asks. “Tessa’s told us how handsome he is! I’ve got a daughter I’ve been trying to get out of the house for ages.”

You laugh through the twist of your guts, replying merrily, “Oh, I’m sure he’d appreciate the introduction.”

Before the woman can demand a personal introduction, Tessa interrupts when the entrance opens once again and lets in a blast of cold air.

“Petre!” She performs the same waving hand motion that brought you over earlier to the new arrival. “Come here!”

Glancing back, you see a tall man with dark hair and dark eyes making his way over to you. He stops in front of Tessa and wraps her in a quick hug.

“This is my son, Petre. Petre, this is our neighbor.”

Petre greets you warmly. “Hello, it’s nice to finally meet you. My mother hasn’t stopped talking about you since you moved in.”

You giggle when Tessa pats his arm roughly and shake his proffered hand. His skin is warm and dry, the skin on the back of his knuckles chapped from the winter weather. Tessa not-so-subtly draws the other women away from you and Petre and into another conversation, leaving you to speak with each other.

“Your mother seems to think we’d make a good pair,” you comment with a glance over at her.

“Ah, yes,” Petre says while fiddling with his shirt sleeves. “She’s been introducing me to every woman of marrying age. I think she’s afraid I’ll end up alone.”

You can’t help but laugh at his deprecating tone of voice. “We’re young – we’ve still got time.”

“Try telling her that,” he responds. “Being 30 and unmarried is one of the worst things you can be in her eyes.”

You chat with Petre between introductions for the next couple of hours. He sticks close by his mother which keeps him close to you, as Tessa demands everyone that walks by to greet you. Countless faces come and go, but there seems to be someone missing.

You turn to Tessa when the party seems to be winding down and a few people have started to leave. “Where’s your daughter?” you question.

“Kerri and Chrissie are right over there,” she nods, indicating the two young women in a cluster a few feet from you.

“Yes, I remember them from a little while ago. Where’s your other daughter? Sasha?”

At this, Tessa’s face drops and Petre looks at her worriedly. He places his arm around his mother’s shoulders and brings her into his side. “She’s not well,” Petre answers for his mother. “She has been sick for a while now.”

“Oh. Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

“It’s – it’s alright,” Tessa responds with a sorrowful smile. “She’s at home. Resting.”

“Well I hope she gets better soon,” you reply hopefully. Petre and Tessa nod tersely before steering the conversation off to something else.

It isn’t long after that when you feel Bucky sidle up next to you. He places his hand on your upper arm and pulls you closer into his side. “You ready to go?” he questions.

You hum and say your goodbyes to the people standing around you, promising to come out with Tessa to more gatherings. You and Bucky make your way back out into the cold night, the moon full and bright in the sky.

The car doors close behind you and Bucky starts the engine. You rumble along the road for a few minutes before Bucky says anything.

“Who were you talking to all night?” he asks you.

“Ah.” You sigh. “That was Tessa’s eldest son. The one she mentioned at dinner.”

“And?” he prompts.

“And…?”

“You were with him all night – what was he like? Anything seem off with him?”

You’re not exactly sure what Bucky is getting at, as he’d been talking with a couple of the same people throughout the night as well. “Well no, but it’s not like I could dig any deeper than surface level with so many people coming in and out of the conversation.”

Bucky hums noncommittally. You furrow your brow, but brush it off. “Did you find anything out from Christopher?”

“Not really. I did notice that one of his daughters wasn’t there tonight. Sarah?”

“Sasha,” you correct. “And no, I asked about her, as well. Petre and Tessa seemed really bothered when I brought her up: apparently she’s been pretty sick lately.”

“How sick?” Bucky asks.

“I’m not sure. It didn’t seem like they wanted to talk about it, though.”

“You think she’s been sick enough to require hospital stays?” he proposes, leading the conversation towards what could have possibly happened to the family’s financials that has lead to their worn down clothing and home.

“It’s worth looking into, isn’t it?”

Part 9

@jackiehollanderr @rabbitrabbit12321 @12345sebby @blackwood-bodecker-housewife @lauraashley93 @themorningsunshine @happinessinthebeing @nash-dara @calwitch @stany0url0calwh0res111 @pono-pura-vida @learisa @introverbatim @kentokaze @marvelogic @kaz11283

[dykeulous]

Your blog is a breath of fresh air. I don’t agree with you on some things (you’ve said in the past that you think intersex people can be sorted into women/men categories but I feel like that homogenizes and overlooks intersex specific experiences that you, someone I assume is perisex, cannot speak on) but it’s great to see a radfem not hostile towards trans people. I’m trans and have always lurked on radfem blogs because I care about misogyny but too often I’d run into a slew of horribly mean spirited, cruel posts about trans people and just feel so disappointed.

Something I’ve been stewing about lately is how the agency and complexity of the internal lives of females have been historically overlooked/repressed across cultures if that makes any sense? Like, many (not all, but many) culturally recognized groups of homosexual/gnc people have been male dominated and modern western dialogues around trans people centre around trans women. Tras position trans women as being more oppressed than trans men since trans women are disparaged more in the media, but I think this is just another example of how females are ignored and are not given the agency to be seen as trans/etc?? When males fall out of line, they are recognized as aberrations and seen as a threat. When females fall out of line, they are stupid women who need to be beaten into submission and ignored.

Does this make any sense? Is this something?

hello! first of all, thank you for sending me this lovely ask :). i 💗 interacting with all kinds of feminists, and i love having meaningful discussion with people who see my blog. my blog’s purpose is mainly to help people see that radical feminism isn’t this Big Scary Ideology™, and that it’s actually beneficiary for all of humanity ultimately.

1. i would like to disclose our disagreement around intersex people (i’m not trying to change yours/and or anyone’s mind!); everyone has a biological sex. everyone is either female or male, and i feel that claiming intersex people are this magical third thing does more harm to intersex people than it does good (yes, i am perisex, and i’m not trying to reduce intersex people to this or that, they all have their own unique experiences; however i’ve seen a lot of intersex people speak up about how it’s harmful to spread the narrative that they don’t have a concrete sex). as for whether they can be categorized as woman or man– the categories of woman and man are distinct gender classes ascribed to one’s sex. as gender abolition is my special interest, i spend a lot of time discussing at length on this blog about how our society would be rehabilitated & redeemed if we left these harmful, limiting, reductive & totalitarian categories behind– completely. however, as we are still very far away from abolishing gender, it’s natural that we will be inflicted & effected by it (which is why i don’t bash those who have social dysphoria– i myself also have it along with sex dysphoria, but unlike my sex dysphoria which is innate, my social dysphoria was a byproduct of misogyny– or in other words, it was a reaction to the patriarchy in a way), and intersex people most of the times are still, unfortunately, able to be sorted into one of the two harmful & classist categories.

to deny that they are is to claim that intersex people can escape socialization. this is simply untrue. intersex women cannot escape a misogynistic childhood, and intersex women & intersex men alike cannot escape gender being vigorously pushed on them; and on top of it, they face their own & unique struggles that perisex people do not. women with swyer syndrome cannot opt out of oppression just because they were born with a y chromosome. many intersex women have spoken at lengths about how rigidly they experience misogyny in their everyday lives. that doesn’t end just because they aren’t perisex. and, in some extremely rare cases– these gender class distinctions don’t even match biosex. an intersex person (as far as i know, please correct me if i’m wrong!!) can have a condition that causes them to be assigned male, however due to their appearance & literally everything else, they still get treated like a girl/woman and thus still experience female socialization & misogyny– sorting them into the “woman” gender class. if we deny the fact that intersex people can & are sorted into their gender class accordingly, we are risking situations like the recent one with imane khelif occuring. we do not want that to be a reoccurring theme. intersex women are women. intersex men are men.

2. i cannot explain the amount of happiness i feel whenever a trans person starts getting interested in radfeminism. i’m happy you can explore radfem blogs with a critical eye, and i know we have a really bad side to radblr– not only are there radfems who genuinely promote true neurosexism & hate dysphoric people, a lot of radfems on here are very racist & pro-capitalist; all of which completely strays from radfem theory & praxis. i hope you stay & i hope you keep viewing my posts :)!! as a trans person myself, i feel very welcome with my own circle of radfem friends & mutuals, and i hope you will feel the same way if you ever choose to personally align yourself with our movement. wishing you a warm welcome nevertheless!!!

3. radfems generally point this issue out. this modern “queer” community is really androcentric. tras believe that trans women are oppressed more than trans men, push the narrative that trans men have the power to oppress trans women & generally ignore & excuse all the abuse & degradation trans men have endured at the hands of trans women. tras have a heavy issue with realizing material reality, they think the world is based around a metaphysical belief system; in short, they are very idealist. they think trans women are oppressed more than trans men because they identify as women + they’re trans so they have to be more oppressed. they fail to recognize the male privilege trans women wield & they fear to point it out even when they do recognize it. they keep on telling trans men we need to make sure the women in our lives are comfortable, that we need to cater to the women around us, and they have this very unrealistic idea of us having male privilege & making women feel unsafe. the male privilege (and only a small portion of trans men even has this!!!) some of us have is very, very conditional. they never tell trans women they still have to make sure the women in their lives are comfortable around them, because being dysphoric doesn’t cancel out their male privilege.

trans women, if transitioned + on hormones (and especially so if they have lived as women for years, some trans women even lived as women longer than they haven’t) experience transmisogyny & their own unique form of regular misogyny (not all radfems are going to agree with this & i don’t think it would be fair to label them all as inherently transphobic for disagreeing, btw!!!), which is also conditional, as conditional as trans men’s male privilege is. i will never stress enough about how important it is to think critically & not write off all trans women as inherently this, and all trans men as inherently that. both radfems & tras have a large problem regarding this. some genuinely hateful radfems will even go out of their way to spew racist rhetoric because of their hatred for dysphoric people, and on the other end of the coin– tras will go out of their way to spew racist rhetoric to defend trans women, and, in this process, tear down black women’s agency.

a trans man might, through transition & living as a man for 10+ years, gain various forms of male privilege. he might gain access to a lot of things he didn’t have prior to transition. similarly, a trans woman, through transition & living as a woman, might lose various aspects of male privilege. however, the difference here is that while the trans woman in question will probably gain a special space in feminist circles, the trans man doesn’t suddenly lose his. he will forever be welcome by feminists. because female people share their own unique axis of oppression, and even though he does live as a man now & has male privilege to a degree, he still knows how debilitating misogyny is– and he, at some point, experienced it. the trans woman did not, but now she does, and they both can be included in feminist activism. the trans woman will still never have to experience some of the painful things only female people do, and she never experienced female socialization in the first place– so it is completely reasonable that she cannot be included in *every* aspect of feminism. we all have unique experiences & they are all equally valuable.

4. i also can see the conservative transphobes going “trans women are a threat!” & “trans men are just confused little girls”, but i don’t think genuine radfems do this. those who do are usually just using the term to dunk on trans people. either way, yes– female agency is very often stripped off, and female people are ignored wherever we go. female trans people especially so. this is why i hope transmascs & female dysphoric people in general realize that radfeminism holds their special interests at heart, and even though there are hateful people, our movement isn’t based on them. it’s based on female class solidarity. we have to love female people more than we hate male people.

[forbiddenfrvt]

E X S C A P E

thought you were an escape, now i can't escape your grasp | ex-boyfriend!Leon (modern au)

warnings: mentions of cheating and breakups (past and present), unknowing Leon + reader being an asshole, fingering w shifty praise and degradation(? not so much cuz Leon rlly likes you too much for that), AFAB reader/female anatomy, public lewdness, f perversion, messy.

word count: yet to be proofread, will update with count after so.

ps: I do not condone cheating or anything of sorts as written in my fics because they are simply just as is; fictitious. Please do not take to heart what I write, MDNI! block/scroll do not report.

author's notes: this might be heavily inspired of irl :"> I went to watch oppenheimer with my ex and he just came from the gym, needless to say it was something. (EXCEPT THE CHEATING! I AM SINGLE BTW, DW. NO CHEATING IN THIS HOUSEHOLD YALL!) (Linked a playlist at the top :3)

Exes should remain just as is; Exes.

Exes shouldn't be friends for that would create conflict.

Nor should exes go out together for a movie.

Yet you stood there facing the nearly crowded ticket booth, looking around for a familiar mop of dirty blond hair— the very same one you used to run your fingers across, enjoying how fluffed it gets.

It had almost been a year since the two of you split, vaguely remembering how the break up went down, all you could remember was going on a fit of jealousy, along with stress from school exams crashing down, and needed to run away from the emotional baggage which you considered relationship to be.

Leon had been trying to reach out since forever, and by forever meaning— a month after you completely cut contact with him and began dating other guys. All of which ended horribly anyway; ended by you, yet again. Always. You simply couldn't stay in a relationship for too long, that, you acknowledged.

Leaving whenever the connection felt shifty and their mistakes often made you fall dissatisfied and bored, and while you could technically make it work— why bother? They'll continuously disappoint you anyway.

Your current boyfriend is proving it so, with his not-so-boyfriend-like activities of constantly putting you in situations you don't feel comfortable of; despite your protests, with how he keeps linking up with girls you've already voiced your displeasure for— and his overall lack of social etiquette, embarrassing you wherever the two of you might go. Not that you care for it, it's not like you saw a future with him anyway.

You clicked your phone open as it dinged, notifying you of a message from none other than the guy you've long labeled the number as: [do not pick up.]

It was a surprise to you how calm you were about the whole ordeal; you didn't feel anxious about meeting up with him again. Sure, maybe a slight nervousness and making sure your outfit matched pleasingly, opting for a pink low-cut tank top with a matching sheer, flimsy cover-up. A pathetic one where it couldn't even cover the temple of your breasts. No, you totally did not care.

After accidentally accepting his follow request, he wasted no time and practically expressed how much he missed you. Voicing how hard it has been on him without you in his life, humourously coping along. As the messages between you and your boyfriend gradually shortened, exchanges between yours and Leon's went longer. Chemistry seemingly never faded between the two of you.

Of course, there was no flirting involved, in fact you two comfortably began cussing each other out in chats, not to the extreme— but almost just for playful banter. You both would share opinions and talked about your seperate experiences from watching Barbie, and how he cried in the movies after so. Reminding you to bring tissues when you went to watch Barbie, unaware how your boyfriend had already given you his handkerchief to wipe your tears away as he eyed you intently, amused that you cried for a film. He just doesn't get Barbie like Leon did— and that very night after the movie, Leon invited you to watch Oppenheimer together. Well, re-watched, as he already went to see it the day before.

All you could remember was giggling in guilt before agreeing to his plans; callously telling your boyfriend, [Goodnight, love you.] though text.

Bringing you here at this very moment, scanning the cinema for his figure, glancing left and right for your ex-boyfriend. It would've been easier if he wasn't already lining up for the queue but, well— what can the both of you do? Everyone's just as excited to watch both films.

Noticing his back from far away, you almost walked up, only to back away and hide into a corner— unsure if it really could be him; and so,

After you sent the message, you stared at the figure you had suspected to be him, waiting... and waiting till he checks his phone. And just as soon as he sees the message, Leon immediately turned around, sheepishly holding up an arm despite the numerous eyes confused at his random gesture. Searching for your eyes amidst all.

It was all you needed to see before confirming your guess, jogging up to stand beside him in the queue, smiling. “Long line, huh?”

Your eyes travelled along his familiar face, the boyish smile etched in the corner of his lips as he kept his gaze forward— eyeing you through his peripherals; his glasses making it harder for him however. You note this, or course;

He wears glasses now? Looks cute. Suits him.

“Yeah, they're taking too long—” He nods, shyly answering you, catching a whiff of your perfume, pink dusting his cheeks.

You catch this, nodding inwardly before you turned your head to the side, “How long has it been?” asking again, curious. “I've been standing here for about twenty-five.” His voice struggled to stifle a nervous laugh, fidgeting with the strap of his gym bag that sat right inbetween pecs.

Leon had informed you how he just came from the gym while he waited for you to finish getting ready, claiming that it was nearby the mall anyway. And to somehow prove this point across, he only changed his jeans but kept wearing the black compression shirt, tightly hugging his biceps— a soft smirk playing along your lips as you basked in his body, practically undressing his torso while he tried to focus on the movie trailers randomly playing along the TV screens of the ticket booth— memorizing half of the lines at this point, trying to ignore your burning gaze.

To which he drastically failed, handing you money while jibberishly making up an excuse to go to the bathroom, rushing away from you. With your eyes trailing behind him, a chortle escapes your lips as you notice how his cheeks reddened, being pushed up by his huge grin.

“...Fuck, he looks good.” You thought, trying to brush it off— not wanting to be having such thoughts about your ex, especially when you're (hardly) dating someone else already. Your fingers fiddle with the money, folding it in half in between your knuckles, glancing around the booth while patiently waiting for Leon to come back into your peripherals, curious why he had suddenly decided to use the restroom when he could've done it before you even arrived. Still, when nature calls. You simply have to answer.

A soft chuckle falls out of your mouth when he finally shows, a jump on his foot when he returns to your side, yet clearly displeased at how the line barely moved an inch. “Should we buy the late night tickets? I don't think we'd make it for the afternoon showing.” You chirp, eyeing the elongated monitor Infront of the queue, to which he flicked his watch— humming in response; “If you're fine with that... Sure. I don't think you should miss out on the intro.”

A part of you wishes he was watching it for the first time too, needing to see his raw reactions like you both used to; but another side of you was flattered by his decision to pay just to watch it again, with you, this time around. He was practically ready to throw money once again, all for you. And by all means! You weren't one to complain after all.

———

The two of you began giggling, and chuckling as you both placed bets on what movie whomever would be watching based on their outfits— people in pink for Barbie, leather jacket people for Mission Impossible, and well— random shirts for Oppenheimer. With him jokingly calling you weird for wearing pink on Oppenheimer and brown for Barbie. “Why even!?" His gummy smile beams, with you returning yours with a laugh. “Can't help it! ‘Love confusing people!"

“Well, that's true, you gotta keep them guessing your next move.”

You two were dorks together, even back then, just that now, it lacked any sort of physical contact— despite constantly brushing knuckles while you two walked side by side, fingers flicking up as if to try and entangle into the other's.

He kept the tickets in his bag, placing your umbrella in it, as to not have you lugging it around, knowing how forgetful you could be. You exchanged music, talked about concerts you failed to get into because the two of you were busy for the exams (quite literally around the time you two broke up), complimenting yet making fun of each other's chosen courses along the way.

He absolutely adored having you fill him in on ‘chisme’ he barely had anything to do with, reciprocating it with telling you drama over at his school. And being able to do it once again exhilarated the two of you; moreso him, but he wouldn't tell you of that.

“He has a girlfriend?!” “Why? Can't he?"

“No— it's not that! I'm just surprised— like— finally?!” You laughed, surprised.

Earning a chuckle from him; “I'm definitely telling you on Chris, you really doubted his charm, huh?”

You shook your head in disbelief, smacking his sides with the back of your palm as if to shove him away. “Oh hush!” Your groans of struggle didn't fall on deaf ears as he watched you battle with the lollipop wrapper, offering his help by taking it off your hands, “Here, let me.” he says, almost laughing. Taking jabs at each other as the candy proved to be unwilling.

“You can shoot a gun but not open a wrapper?” “You're one to talk!” laughter erupts from the two of you, back to back.

He watched as you softly sucked on the candy after successfully peeling the cover off, his breath hitching for a second prompting him to look elsewhere, mind lingering on the thoughts of your lips wrapped around and innocently sucking the sweetness of it, wondering how it'd be like to replace that spot in between your lips— Leon could swear he never felt envious of a lollipop until now. Mindlessly, you went closer to him, laughing as you both decided to go back up to the cinemas floor after buying snacks for the movie,

“We should take the elevator, I know your feet hurt by now.”

You suggested, for him to agree with a meek smile, “Whatever you want.”

The two of you stepped in, smiling at each other knowing how awkward you both felt around others during elevator rides, the unwritten rule of keeping silent inside made you both cackle inside. “It's just so weird!” You both agreed on that; eyeing each other and taking note of strangers' faces and scents— which usually ends badly for the both of you. Criticising a middle-aged man for wearing too much Axe like there was no tomorrow.

This time however, it was different, you could only stare at each other while stifling your laughter, both of you testing waters how far each of your inside jokes can go and what would be uncomfortable to speak of just yet— the two of you trying to be sensitive to each other's feelings and boundaries.

Your eyes travail his arms, up to his neck, staring at his eyes while you continuously sucked on the treat— failing to realize how suggestive you looked in his point of view. And all your ex-boyfriend could do was look up at the silver doors, praying a mantra on his mind to calm himself down. The comfortable silence between you two was enough for him to feel satisfied, he didn't wish to be greedy any longer. He had no right, after all.

He wishes he had.

As you reached the second floor, more people came in, forcing the two of you back in the east corner of the elevator cab, with your back pressed on the wall and him facing your side, making sure his duffle-bag didn't obstruct your movement and wearing it the opposite-side of you. There was barely anymore space for you to check your phone so you left it at your back pocket, ignoring the message notifications you received. Still, your mouth kept wrapping around the candy, with him trying to distract himself away from the noises your lips made— each pop, each suck, he could hear them all, giving him a pornographic thought to rush. He honestly wishes you'd stop it and bite the entire candy to quit tormenting his ears; but didn't want to make it obvious how much you provoked indecent thoughts to swarm his mind. It didn't help that his anxiousness made him think that the other people inside the cab could hear his thoughts. Read his mind. See how much he wanted to pull that stupid fucking lollipop out of your mouth and replace it with his throbbing cock instead, mouth-fuck you while everyone inside the elevator watched. A groan escaping his mouth as you fiddled with the hem that hugged his bicep, glancing back at you for a quick second as guilt washes over him; seeing how you simply were just curious about the fabric.

Leon hung his head back in shame and pleasure, enjoying your proximity to him while also feeling bad that even the most innocent of your touch and actions turns him into such a dog in heat. Warmth tightening around his boxers. You stared back at him, shooting him a snarky look, as if to ask; “'Fuck you looking at?” even though you were the one touching him without permission to. As if you knew you could do whatever you wanted and he'd be all the more welcoming of how much of a bitch you could get. He grinned, shaking his head “nothing.” before slumping his head into the cold walls of the ride— chanting "fuck." in the back of his mind. The doors then opened, making him smile in hopes that people would get off to create more space, but to his displeasure, a whole group of elderly came in, the smile in his face dropping ever-so-quickly; much more when he was forced to face you, pressing into your body as the seniors pushed inside. Forcing everyone else younger than them to adjust for their comfort. Which included you and him.

Your hands are raised in front of you, pathetically creating a barrier between your chest and Leon's albeit his pecs were more on your face than it is yours. “Fuck.” you heard him groan, as you bit your lip, awkwardly chuckling. “You okay?" You asked in concern, a nod following suit in response. Their movements only affected the two of you even more, annoyed yet at the very same time, flustered at how much your bodies were being squashed against one another. Without much choice, you both fell silent, waiting for time to pass by. His staggered breathing didn't go unnoticed by you, however, making you stare up at him with your eyes slanted, “Leon? Are you sure you're okay—?”

Your line of questioning got cut off as he pressed his lips against yours, mumbling a “...shut-up.” while he positioned himself to block your body from view. His leg entraps you between his thighs, slightly bending downwards to reach your lips.

“Lee— stop, what are you doing...?” you mumbled back, brows furrowed. What was he really doing?

Is he out of his mind?! Why would he kiss his ex-girlfriend in such a cramped place where people can easily see if they just look back!

You were met with silence as your breast engulfed his arm the moment another elderly decided to move around, pushing Leon's gym bag on his side, and forcing him to push back into you, his hands gripping just above your wrist as he tried to find some sliver of composure— unsure if he really should, and if he could continue. Looking at you apologetically for getting carried away.

Yet all this did was turn you on. The forced proximity between you two, the excitement of getting caught making out with your ex-boyfriend in such a high alert place, being with said ex without your boyfriend knowing, and, well— being cornered by such a tall and muscular man that you've long fantasized touching drove all of your senses out of the window.

The way he simply looked like he committed a grave sin against you made it all the more enjoyable.

Silently, you snaked your arms around the back of his nape, inching your head to bury it in the crook of his neck. His eyes followed your movements and shared an agreement, as if you both just understood what the other wanted to do. God knows how long you've waited to do this, ever since then, and more so now. You were more than happy to continue this, and to prove that you trailed kisses along his neck, just below his ear, earning a gentle groan from his lips, raising a brow as if to ask you if this was okay.

“ 's more than okay, Leon.” you whispered, planting a soft kiss at his jaw, smiling at the random stubble tickling your soft skin. Wondering what Leon would look like with a more prominent stubble, when he's older maybe. Your eyes darts to the front, checking the coast before hiding back into his chest, waiting for his next move; “Can you stay quiet f'me?” He mumbled against your skin, pleading. Your hips instinctively bucked towards his as you register his words, as if your body knew what he meant and wanted. Eager to indulge his desire.

In an instant, he found his arm in-between your thighs which you ever-so-sweetly parted as much as you could for his easier access, hand gripping the fat of your inner thigh. While it infuriated him that others could get to see those soft and sexy thighs of yours in that skirt, he had never been happier in your choice of clothing than now. Thanking the fashion heavens for convincing you ahead of time that wearing a skirt while going to the cinemas with your ex-boyfriend who clearly has yet to get over you; a good idea.

“God, s' fuckin' wet for me already babe?” He mumbled inaudibly against your skin, eyeing your cleavage down while he rubbed the pad of his middle finger along the hem of your slick damped lacy panties, chuckling to himself but just enough for you to hear his comment, “Starting to think you planned for this to happen, slut.”

You jolt at the sudden term, baffled at his choice of words, moreso because you've never heard him address you like so— hell, you've never done anything remotely intimate before. A small peck on the lips was all you two ever got during to the time you both dated.

“Fuck, why did we even break up...” He groaned, “Cuz you hung around Claire more than I would've liked?" You chuckled, “I told you, she's nothing but a friend... she's Chris' sister for godssakes...”

Maybe it was his pent up frustrations about your relationship, or how he saw this as the only chance to act on his fantasies about you. Blush dusting your cheeks as you bite down on your lip, holding off a moan as you promised.

“Can't believe I'm letting the guy who cheated on me with his so-called girl-bestfriend touch me like this.”

His fingers hastily snaked inside your underwear, fighting off the urge to grunt loudly as he felt the warm wetness that pooled within you, not wanting to alert anybody; not wanting this to end so quickly. “I didn't! I could never cheat on you, please... I would never, fuck.”

“Leon—” You whispered against his ear, stopping his ramblings with your voice honeyed as ever, making him addicted to even the slightest of your sighs. “Hurry.” He almost came at how needy you sounded, shaking his head hoping to compose himself, smirking at your command. Wasting no time, he curled a finger inside of you, slowly, wanting you to enjoy and feel up each joint, trying to help you fantasize about it to be his dick— all stuffed in you, exploring your insides.

You roll your eyes as you've finally felt the satisfaction of feeling him being inside you, albeit inferior by a point to what you normally would've imagined; exactly wishing the same thing as he was. His finger slowly dipped in and out in quick intervals, as if trying to loosen you up, his thumb resting above your clit, moving it in circular motions. At this point he wasn't even paying attention to the discomfort of his throbbing member still encaged within his jeans, too focused on making you feel good, wanting you to cum on his fingers alone, wanting nothing more than to please you. In a way, hopefully earn you back? Right, if he could make you feel good, you'd definitely want to keep him and take him back, right?

Your fingers slowly dug into his shirt, the friction of it all hurting Leon more, wishing he just took it off since the contact of your nail on his shirt pressing down on his skin was all too uncomfortable. “Mhm ‘h shit!” You groaned, a little bit of your saliva dripping to the corner of your lips, alarming Leon and a middle-aged lady on your right. Of course, being the quick-witted cutie you were— simply smiled at her direction; playing it off. “I think I cut myself, can you move your bag?" You asked Leon, faking a pout; which he quickly followed along, laughing inwardly. “Ah— yeah— shoot, sorry! I think I- yeah, sorry.” He used his free hand to move the bag, covering your thighs further, while he continued his ministrations. Finger-fucking you harshly now as he slid another digit, simultaneously pumping two fingers in you while his thumb toyed your clit, loving how swollen it had become.

As soon as everyone else looked away and focused on their business, you started leaning into Leon's chest, your breathing eventually became laboured— wanting Leon to feel a sense of understanding just how much he makes you feel right now; and as so, you began palming his crotch through the dark-washed denim jeans, rubbing him the same pace he was doing to you. “Princess, no.” He stops you, knowing he'll make a mess if you touch him more.

“I want to touch you, Lee.” You whined, kissing his sculpted yet soft chin, brows furrowed while you inch your knees up, needing him to get his fingers deeper in you which he did, following up your body— pressing himself against you. “Please, let me touch you,” more pleas for reciprocating his motions fell from your mouth, more eager to touch him than he was.

Fuck. Leon could only curse in his mind, you looked so adorable, sexy, and beautiful all at the same time with how you pleaded for his own pleasure, loving how you reciprocated his want for you, how much you wanted to return the favour, but as much as he wanted to— he couldn't let you, not if you both want to leave the lift without judgemental stares, that is. Leon shook his head ‘no’, chuckling, “It's okay baby, this is about you.” He was fully committed to giving you what he could at the very moment, and more if time allows him. “Let's focus on you.”

Your smile deforms into an "o" as he dragged his index finger, going from your clit down back to your entrance, pulling in just the tip of his finger before pulling out again, teasing you while he pretended like it was his cock diving into you. “Look at the mess you're making at the floor, babe.” He ushered, retracting his hand from you almost abruptly you could've sworn even the gods heard the squelch your pussy let out. “That'a dirty girl.”

Embarrassment boiled in your stomach, along with a knot forming, you were so close, too close and he stops mid-second, making you ache for continuance.

It didn't help how he was far better than your no-name boyfriend back at the small town you went to school for, sure, you crushed and pined on that boy too but, he disappointed you in bed so quickly, God forbid how redundant his movements were whenever he fingered you, unable to make you cum like you thought he would; what was the point of leaving your other ex-boyfriend for him if he was a no-better fuck? You don't even remember the last orgasm you've had, and it was only ever your fingers doing the job with some porno flick playing on your phone. An erotica here and there. You could've sworn you'd stay single instead and fuck yourself. But God did Leon surprise you. Your previous boyfriends (well, except for him) couldn't dare compare.

“Leon, stop it...!” You whisper-yelled, furrowing your brows, daring not to look down for you could already feel how much of your slick had dripped down, “For someone who cares so much about janitors, you're really out here making their jobs harder; huh?” He joked against your ear, not even hiding how proud he was with that cheeky boyish grin on his face, probing his fingers back inside you as he followed the rhythm with how he bucked his hips into yours. Loving how dumbfounded you had become under his touch. He wanted to flick his phone right there and then, to record you; ah maybe next time, if you allow it.

You leaned against the walls of the elevator, the cold surface kissing your blood-heated skin. He rocks his fingers faster, in awe of how fucked-out you already look, with how you lolled your lips like that, which he took advantage of and kissed, sucking on your strawberry cream tasting tongue. Your eyes rolling back as you fail to care if anybody has noticed anymore, whining against Leon's request.

And he doesn't seem fazed, pumping his fingers inside you with more fervour. Grinning from ear to ear at the development of your relationship. God, he wished he had done this sooner, maybe more often, maybe if you realized he can be good for you, you wouldn't have broken up with him— this time he'll prove just that. And you'll make sure of it too, right?

You tapped on his shoulder, eyeing him and shooting him a signal ‘I'm about to cum,’ your eyes shutting close as you ride out your high, griding against his hand, desperate for release; which he gladly obliged to, using his thumb to drum at your clit, pressing his palms closer to your crotch so you could grind on it further while he vibrated his fingers inside you, flicking it back and forth inside, reaching for that one specific area, the spongy spot he had discovered just earlier, “Gonna come for me, pretty?” He asks, eyes soft, “Cum for me, go on, cum. I wanna feel you all over my hands...” His whispers turned into a mantra, saying it over and over again like a string of Hail-Marys, urging you to release. And exactly that— you did. Biting your lip as you brought his free hand over your mouth, using him to muffle the moaning mess you've started to become. Each whine and huff.

He felt the warm liquid drip down into his fingers, his hand, as it makes its way to the floors, laughing in a twisted sort of humour, feeling awful for the person who'll clean it up but was also glad someone will gawk upon the mess he helped you make. Happy to have participated in ruining someone else's day.

Leon then took his hand away from your pussy, dragging it ever so slowly before wiping some of the slick in your lips, “C'mon taste yourself f'me?” He smiles, prompting you to open your mouth and do as told, it's only fair you do so, right? You slightly grimace at the thought that you'd accidentally meet eyes with someone while you sucked on his fingers, licking it off your juices, so you figured closing your eyes was your best bet at avoiding the awkwardness; rather than telling Leon, 'no.'

“Atta girl,” Once he felt like it was clean enough, he pressed his thumb over your throat, putting just enough pressure to force your mouth to open for air, itching a cough— which he then slid a kiss into, tasting your cum-ridden tongue with a satisfied grin, letting you go as he heard the elevator ding, helping you fix your panties and skirt as you both arrived at the destined floor to the cinemas. Waiting patiently for your turn to get out, he plants a softer kiss against your forehead. “We're gonna focus on the film, right?" He cheekily smiled, blushing a tad while you rolled your eyes, feigning annoyance with your hand smacking across his bicep, walking hand in hand towards the cinema room indicated on your tickets; “Ugh, shut up. Yes.”

You were so breaking up with your boyfriend after this.

[reverieblondie]

Partners

Pairing: Kaine Parker x gnSpider-person!Reader

Warnings: Kaine has a potty mouth and threatens people but other than that just fluff!

Summary: You get called into Miguel's office for a new mission, you wonder who you will get partnered with, though it shouldn't be a surprise by now...

A/N: okay I know this is the fic nobody is asking for but the heart wants what the heart wants. and I want grumpy Kaine Parker to hold my hand while he threatens to beat up people. No, I'm not going to apologize. This fic was inspired by @eughi wonderful art of Kaine! if you want to know more about this character please check out their account they are amazing!

The picture that started my obsession here

he's just so pretty!

Word count: 2,797

In the dim light of Miguel's office, you stand listening patiently as he debriefs you on your next mission. This is all nothing new to you, some dimension, a new anomaly, you have had this debriefing many times now. Though the places and targets change you know what to expect by now there is only one thing that keeps you listening intently to the drull words of the spider society's brave leader. 

Once he's done drilling into you what dimension and what anomaly you are supposed to capture, it's the moment you had been waiting patiently to hear, who your partner is for this mission. This was the thing you looked forward to hearing, Partner assignments. Would it be Jess? Webslinger? Spider-cat? You loved that little ball of fuzz. As you're cycling through the possibilities of who you could be teamed up with, it's then that your answer walks into the room. 

Kaine Parker, in his very iconic suit of red and black, it’s littered with stitches. You didn’t know if they were from getting patched up after fights or just for aesthetic purposes. But either way, they did look pretty cool. Scarlet lenses of his mask keep on you as his tall figure approaches, you know he's studying you and also sizing you up. -Honestly, it’s no surprise if he was, he sizes up everyone without needing to say a word.

Being paired with Kaine again shouldn’t come as a surprise to you. Not being exactly social and his fighting methods leaning towards more…intense, it didn’t exactly make him easy to work with. Not surprising though, The dude is the definition of intimidating with his 6’4 height and broad muscular figure, plus his brash nature made it hard for people to adjust to. Aside from Peter B and Ben, you're the only other person he would go on missions with. Opting to go alone when paired with anyone else, and if they protest they are promptly threatened. Edgy, but you kinda enjoyed that about him. 

Standing next to you now you wait patiently as Miguel debriefs him, it’s a much more summarized version than what you had to experience. Kaine is not the type to listen to a lengthy explanation, he’s more get the facts than get out kinda guy. Hell he didn’t even go to the mandatory monthly meetings.

As you stand there your senses are going haywire, looking up to where they are thrumming from you see those lenses staring down at you. Kaine seemed to have a staring problem and your spider senses always went crazy when he was. Maybe it was because of his sheer size, or it was possibly from seeing how easily he had zero qualms ripping into enemies when he deemed it necessary. Whatever it was, no other spider made your senses crazy like he did. 

Once Miguel is done with his debriefing, Kaine is already opening a portal to the dimension ready to get this over with, ruthless and efficient. What more could you want? 

“I want them captured in one piece, Kaine,” Miguel calls after us as we approach the portal. 

You give a dutiful nod in understanding, Kaine however…

“Keep telling me what to do and I will break your fucking face…” 

Luckily for you, he said it as he went into the portal, the last thing you need to be doing is trying to pull those two off each other….again….

----

“Yeah, then Kaine called like a million spiders to cover up the anomaly and proceeded to beat them to a pulp. He really can’t stand any Jackel variant.”

Munching into your burger you're still talking about your mission you had with Kaine a few days ago. Hobie and Gwen seem bewildered by your story, the young spiders having had little to no interaction with Kaine always seemed to look forward to the stories of your missions with him. Though you argue Peter B has the better ones involving Kaine. As you talk Peter nods in agreement, seeming to signal that he understands all the little quirks that make up Kaine. 

A few more minutes into your conversation Jess is strolling up to the table to join you all for lunch. Using only the context of the story she quickly deciphers who you're talking about. 

“Kaine huh, another intense mission with the scarlet spider?”

“Yeah, tasked to catch a rogue Jackal. You would think Miguel would learn not to let Kaine on Jackal missions considering how messed up they are when they arrive here. But he gets the job done and he's not a bad guy to have on a mission. Plus sometimes it’s funny when he cusses at the anomalies.”

They give you an odd look and you shrug going back to eating your food. As you're eating you're suddenly being interrupted mid bite by Gwen. 

“Okay I am sorry but I am dying to know. What does Kaine look like?” 

The completely odd question takes you back for a moment, “You know…red lenses…black and red-” 

“No, no, no,” she quickly interjects “I mean his face.” 

Without much thought, you point towards Peter, and this causes Peter to scoff, “Okay just because he's one of my clones doesn’t mean we are exactly alike…”  

Taking a second to think you nod, “You know you're right. Imagine a way cooler-looking Peter with long auburn hair and face scares.” 

The young spider's face lights up at the information and Peter shoots you a displeased look, he already gets teased enough from how Kaine and Ben are total beefcakes compared to him, but Kaine has height and cool looks beating him now.  Then you suddenly remember something. 

“Oh sometimes he forgets to shave so he will have a scruff going on, honestly looks pretty nice on him and fits the vibe.” 

This comment seems to make Jess snicker and smile towards you. “Well just wait till he finds that out…he won't shave anymore…” 

Rolling your eyes you shoot her a glare, “What's that supposed to mean?”

Peters chiming in now. “You know what she means…”

“Okay, let me just set the shit straight. Pardon the language kids. Kaine doesn't like me like that, he threatened my life the other day when I got in his way.” 

“Then why does he only partner with you?” 

“With that logic, he might like you, Peter?” 

“Woah, woah, first gross, second me and Ben are like his brothers. You're the only one not in the family he will be around.” 

“Because he has to.” you counter

“Because he wants to.” Jess persisted

Going to move to your next argument about how you two are nothing more than partners; it being because maybe he just likes your fighting style, your watch is suddenly blaring calling you in for a mission. Gwen and Hobie laugh as Jess and Peter give you a smug look as you get up to leave the table. Shielding your face from Gwen and Hobie you mouth a “Fuck you” to them. Sure Kaine's vulgar language may be getting to you but that doesn’t mean you're going to be cussing at kids…not yet at least…

As you walk to Miguel's office for your mission assignment, you find yourself walking rather briskly. Kaine might be your partner again…

The thought makes your senses haywire and you walk to the office faster…

—-

Kaine ended up not being your partner for that disaster of a mission. Laying in the infirmary your whole body still aching despite the painkillers you were given. Moving carefully you're very aware of the stitches patching up your side that ache in every which way you move. Your first mission with a different partner besides Kaine in forever and it failed ending with you both in a hospital bed. 

Lucky for you though you got to be in your own private room not having to hear the complaining of your partner's screw-ups that resulted in this. Miguel is sure to give them a long lecture when they get well…as for you you're probably going to be HQ bound till you heal up all the way. You just had to be one of the spiders without fast healing…just your luck…

Laying there you're trying to just close your eyes to try and forget about the terrible mission and your current pain but a loud bang outside makes you jump and look towards the door to the hallway. Loud yelling that sounds…familiar…Then it's that tingling of your senses only one spider can get from you. 

“Where are they?!” 

Crash, Bang, skreech!

“Wait, they are resting you can’t go in there!” 

“What are you going to do? stop me?” 

Before you can even register what’s going on Kaine is pushing through your door locking it so nobody can come in. Turning to you he looks pissed! You open your mouth to say something but he quickly silences you, 

“Shut up!” 

Next to you now; the conversion abruptly ended before it could begin, he’s looking over you examining your face and your bandages, bruises and cuts litter your body and the bandages are wrapped all around you but you're okay, you're alive. Suddenly Kaine claw like hands are gently gliding over your skin tracing the brushes and cuts as gently as possible. The touch sends shivers through your body you're hoping he doesn't notice. 

Still surveying you he takes his mask off abruptly, his scared face is scrunched in an angry expression, and deep brown eyes are staring at you studying you. You can’t help but feel more intimidated with him out of his mask than when he’s sizing you up in it. Those intense brown eyes are magnetic, his handsome features on full display. Some people might think the scars take away from his handsome face but you think it only makes him look better. Way cooler-looking than Peter… 

“Who was with you?” he says in a suddenly calm voice compared to how he came in. 

“What?”

“Dammit! Can you not hear? Who were you partnered with and what dimension was it?!” - and the yelling is back…

“Spider guy from 2782, dimension 38, vulture anomaly…” you say quickly, still confused why he was asking… 

His hand comes up to rub the top of your head gently, a very personal and friendly gesture for him. Staring intently at you, there is almost a softness in his stony eyes, it's…different from any way you have ever seen before. Your breath seems to suddenly evaporate from you. This is a completely different…loving side of him you have never experienced from him…it doesn't seem real…are you in a coma? 

“I’m going to kick his ass, then kill that anomaly…” -no this is real…

Once he's done speaking he’s stopping his rubbing on top of your head and now he gently glides his hand down to your cheek. 

“Wait-”

Before you can protest he’s already at the door unlocking it and leaving the infirmary. Gone without even looking back at you…typical Kaine… 

____

The rumors of Kaine's warpath quickly spread all over HQ and got back to you. Spider Guy got spared due to the doctors intervening after much convincing. Though all that rage ended up getting released on the vulture anomaly you and guy failed to get. 

Vulture barely made it out with his life and was in critical condition once he was turned in. Of course, this caused Miguel and Kaine to get into it. Those two seem to always find a way to fight despite them having similarities…maybe one day they could be friends? Though with how little they interact with people socially, their hanging out would properly be them just staring at each other in a room plotting how they would kick one another's ass. 

It has been a few days since the mission you were released from the infirmary but still not cleared to go back to mission work. So this means your days have devolved to you walking around HQ. Why you didn’t just take this time to sit at home in your dimension and relax you didn’t fully know. Though a part of you truly knew what you were doing, deep down you were looking for Kaine.

Of course after everything that happened and after what he did. He didn’t even come to talk to you. Or check in on how you were healing, hell everyone else did but your usual partner goes on an almost murder spree but can't bother to say hi. Though that's not his style, he's the ‘only I can kick your ass and if anyone else does it they are a dead’ kind of friend. Plus when he saw you he seemed…upset, could it be hard for him to see you inquired? For a moment you ponder the idea before quickly shaking it off.

Walking some more around HQ you find that you're in a more isolated area, a rarity for the society. Usually, everyone was so packed together so this is a welcome change of pace. Enjoying the quiet you look to the windows to observe the city but your eyes land on something else. Kaine without his mask hair tied in that half-up knot that compliments his face shape so perfectly. His brown eyes are so focused on the city, he looks lost and thought, you almost feel bad for going over to break his concentration but you haven’t seen him and you want to talk to him. 

Making your approach you plop down next to him, your eyes are on him but he keeps his forward but you know he knows it's you next to him so you skip the greetings. 

“So, I heard you went a bit overboard. Not that I'm surprised. But breaking the anomalies' kneecaps and leaving the dimension in a panic does seem like an escalation from your normal methods…”  Leaning over you try to meet his eyes but he keeps them straight ahead before he sighs, 

“I would have burned that dimension down if I needed to” Your mouth slightly drops and your eyes widen, well that's ...different… your heart racing now you feel that familiar tingling…how this guy rattles and intrigues you.

Sliding his eyes over he looks at you before he turns his head fulling, eyes tracing where your inquiries once were but have now been healing. In his eyes you think you see relief though with Kaine’s stoic expression you can never be too sure…

“Why did you do all that?” -the question seems almost stupid in hindsight. 

Kiane's eyes meet your face for a moment staring silently into your eyes before looking back out into the futuristic city. “Your my partner, and I don’t need you getting hurt because of some other idiots mistakes” 

The answer makes you laugh a bit, always so judgemental and coarse about others. Then the words you always think of asking but never do slip your lips next, “Why do you like to go on missions with me?” 

Kaine takes a minute to think before he shrugs “I guess, things are just a bit better with you around….” 

A smirk appears on your lips and as he looks back at you and huffs with an eye roll. “Shut up…” 

All you can do is slightly laugh before nudging him “Well, I like being around you too, best partner someone could get paired with.” 

You know that even if his face isn't changing in expression you know your words mean something to him. At least that's what you're hoping, Kaine is great and you're fond of him despite how others feel about his rough nature. He's a good guy even if he doesn't think so, but you are willing to take the time to convince him of that. 

A couple of minutes pass before you move to get up and give him some alone time, something you are sure he values. As you stand you feel something that stops you in your tracks. Looking down you see Kaine's large hand on yours holding you gently, moving your gaze to his face you see that he’s avoiding eye contact looking away from you with a furrowed brow and a slight pout on his lips. 

Sitting back down you hold his hand gently back and you watch as the blush slowly dusts his cheeks. You have to hold back the urge to call him cute. Holding your hand is a huge step of affection for him if you tease him now he will never be vulnerable again to you. 

Time passes and you keep your hand in his as you gently slide your thumb across his large hand. The silence is comfortable and as you turn to look at him you swear you see the slight tinge of a smile….what a softie….

[yourqueenb]

So I finally took the player survey. It took me a while to complete because I ended up writing a lot more than I intended to 💀 But I wanna comment on a few things that stood out to me here…

I found this question in particular interesting because global traits were not something I had ever considered, but they could potentially mitigate the issues they have with the constant rigid, innocent, and socially/intellectually inept MCs. At least we could pick how we want to play our MCs, right? However, I find the 3 example traits they were able to come up with concerning, especially given that the majority of their players are women and the fact that we’ve been asking them to give us MCs outside of those boxes. Anyway, I’m curious to know what everybody else put for this. I think I selected 2 or 3, can’t remember which.

I also wanna know what everybody put for the questions under number 9 because to me a lot of them seemed to be related to changing the app’s interface or adding monetizable features. And things like that aren’t really important at all imo. (Or at least not as important as the story development and gameplay changes they need to make). I actually like the interface the way it is and would rather they not clutter it with all of the extras they mentioned.

I was also gonna put what I wrote in the additional feedback box here in case anyone was interested, but some of it got deleted from the original draft of this post. So I’ll just put a few of the major points I touched on below:

“Additionally, we should have the option to opt in or opt out of the appearance of hookups, ending stories in romantic relationships, and romancing certain characters, especially if a book is not classified as erotica or does not have a content warning. Unwanted sexual propositions and descriptions of sexually charged situations can be uncomfortable or even triggering to read, even if the characters aren’t real! For example, the “I’m in a dark mood” scene with Ethan in Open Heart book 3 and the hookup options in Laws of Attraction book 1. Players who have little to no romance points with one character and the majority or all of their romance points with another should not be getting propositioned by or receiving romantic dialogue and narration from/about the former so late in a series. And either less sexually charged lead ins before scenes or the choice to opt in to hookups outside of the main romance(s) from the beginning should be incorporated into the stories. Additionally, if choice is going to be taken away by only offering one LI option, we should at least have the choice to be single by the end of the book. Not all romances have to end in relationships!”

“Outside of romances with love interests, there needs to be a lot more care and development given to MCs. Players spend the most time with and are in the heads of the main characters; yet, it often feels like they’re the least important parts of the stories and experience the least growth. We also rarely see MCs with character trait combinations outside of innocent, incompetent, and new to their field/interest or (occasionally) mildly competent, brash, and uncouth. There should be more diversity in set traits, the choices we can make to shape our characters, and dialogue options/how our characters can react in certain situations. In game personality tests (like in TE and PM) or some kind of point system might help with this issue as well.”

“Lastly, if you don’t listen to any other feedback, please (for the love of all that is holy) retire the new MC body sprites that appear in Unbridled, Hot Shot, Guarded, etc. With flat torsos and legs and disproportionate arms/oversized heads in comparison to the lower bodies, they are very unflattering and unsettling to look at. And what makes them worse are the ghastly pale, sickly looking skin tones. Skin coloring is something you guys never mastered as the Black MCs (with the exception of 1 or 2) have always appeared ashy and as if they were given white/gray undertones - not to mention the minimal hairstyle options and straight roots on textured styles - which is quite irritating and offensive. However, now all of the MCs have skin tone issues in certain books. So players are only left with options that are painful to look at and difficult to enjoy customizing and playing as. MCs with richer skin tones, more flattering hairstyles options, curvier body types, fuller lips/noses, and more unique facial features in general would make gameplay a much more enjoyable and immersive experience.”

[soleilnomoon]

Kaia my darling!!!!! Congrats on your milestone!!!

Can I get strawberries with a mai tai, and songs 8 bubblegum, 16 bonfire, and 44. “I’m sorry have we met?” for either sanji, law, or rayleigh?

Please and thank you! 💕

hiiiiii bb 🤩 okay so i picked rayleigh bc hello i love that man obsessively 🤭 this was my first time writing a full fic for him so i was v excited, ty ty 💙 and even tho fluff tries to claim my life every time i write it, i persevered (for u, this is me proposing obvy~) anyway i had fun!! 🥰️

1.3k words (i tried, i tried to keep it under 1k, i failed so bad), gn reader, sfw (just slightly suggestive yk the vibes babey), 18+ mdni; fluff!!!!!!! and maybe, maybe, a tiny tiny bit of angst maybe. just maybe. feat. reader wanting to be a lone wolf, rayleigh who is just v social when alcohol is involved, denial (of feelings and attraction, sort of), it's not cheating bc... well it's not. no real warnings, there's alcohol and a beach and a bonfire. the moon is a paid actress, the ocean is a special guest <3 i, too, would be flustered like crazy around rayleigh, he's got bde 💛 (if u see spelling/grammar errors no u didn't bb)

solitude haunts you without remorse — heavy, daunting, an eerie melody that saturates your world. gray and unending, with a curtain so thick that it obscures your vision most days. it nestles itself in the grooves of the footprints you leave behind in the wet sand along the shore, the ocean water kissing the bottom of your feet as the tide ebbs and flows with practiced ease. you pause in your slow gait and allow the water to wash over your feet over and over before moving forward.

you don’t have a particular destination in mind, you simply wanted to be away from the noise of the sea-faring town you decided to visit. and while you don’t actively seek out solitude, it still follows you around, blending into your shadow, but there’s a comfort in its presence.

because, then, you’re never truly alone, are you?

partially obscured, a waning crescent moon illuminates the ocean, glowing brightly; another comfort that pushes aside that empty, aching feeling in your chest. the ripples in the water are mesmerizing and hypnotic, but you don’t fall prey to its machinations — you don’t let the barely audible melodies of the lurking sirens tempt you into walking closer.

if anything, you give yourself some distance.

there’s a small gathering nearby, the partygoers beckoning you with their promises of drinks and good food. if your traitorous stomach didn’t gurgle so loudly, you would have been able to refuse without issue.

still, it doesn’t hurt to eat, especially when everything smells rich and enticing, strong enough to make your mouth water. you watch the crowd around you, their infectious laughter seeps into your skin, a small flicker of warmth igniting to jumpstart your heart.

this is nice, you tell yourself before taking out a piece of bubblegum from your bag and chewing on it. you don’t particularly like this brand or flavor — much too sweet and a little thick — but you need something to do, and chewing gum helps calm you, surprisingly enough.

silvers rayleigh has never been fond of rooting himself in one, singular place; the desire to roam, to investigate the wonders of the world, to meet and experience life through people — it overwhelms him constantly. to combat that impulse, he sticks to roaming nearby islands, accidentally stumbling upon the same coastal town you find yourself in.

and again it’s pure coincidence that leads him to take the empty chair closest to you. he doesn’t bother with the flask he has, opting to graciously accept the free drinks from the revelers nearby. the brandy is sweet, but crisp — something he’s not too accustomed to, but it puts him at ease all the same. it’s when you pucker your lips and exhale to blow your bubblegum into a decent sized bubble, that he takes notice of you.

well, no—that’s a lie.

he already did notice you, in town earlier. you still have that same, dazed look in your eyes, the same melancholy that inadvertently acts as a small shield to protect you from others draped along your shoulders. you’re not a case study, he knows that, but that doesn’t keep him from observing you all the same.

it’s something stronger than morbid curiosity, and the more he drinks, the closer he comes to discovering the truth in that.

the bubble pops unceremoniously, the saccharine scent is much stronger than he thought it’d be; even as he steadies his breathing, it’s almost as the wind is working against him, keeping him rooted in the chair as he’s bombarded with the playful, artificial smell of strawberry and cherry all in one.

it’s much more pleasant than he thought it would be.

you’re not the best at observing your surroundings, but you’re not completely helpless — especially not when the man next to you is so boldly looking at you without remorse or shame. you chew on the fruity bubblegum thoughtfully and turn towards him unprompted.

a coy smile hangs onto his lips, the corners of his mouth curling upward as thinly veiled amusement flits about on his face.

“i’m sorry,” you say softly, in between chews, “have we met?”

the question is valid, and he should probably answer you, but he finishes his drink instead and waves someone down to pour him another.

with furrowed brows, you watch him quietly, taking in the sharp angle of his jaw and admiring the way he savors each sip of his drink. a peculiar silence surrounds both of you, and when he looks your way again, his eyes sweep over you once — almost like an intimate touch between lovers — and you suddenly remember that you’ve been holding your breath, waiting for him to answer you.

he takes his time, though, the tip of his tongue briefly gliding onto his lip —because wasting even a single drop of brandy is irresponsible, in his opinion. it’s with clarity and certainty that he tells you, “no.”

the answer isn’t surprising, and you’re not sure what you expected him to say. his voice is deep and rich, with a huskiness that completely suits his rugged demeanor. you don’t know what to do with that feeling, because for some reason, you feel as though you should know him. one after another, thoughts infiltrate the darkest parts of your mind, reviving you with a startling reminder that your heart — as pitiful and naïve as it is — still works perfectly fine.

in fact, it’s working a little too hard right now, beating louder with each passing second. you almost rub at your chest, but refrain from doing so, and blow another bubble to take your mind off it all.

“but,” he continues, as if he didn’t leave you in limbo for the longest sixty seconds of your life, “does that matter?”

he’s playing a dangerous game, he knows that, but rayleigh loves the high that comes with the risk of gambling. it’s invigorating and fresh, much more interesting than coating ships on the sabaody archipelagos.

it’s alluring, the confidence he exudes. his attractiveness is offensive and wholly unavoidable, which annoys you. it’s irrational, you know, you know but the longer you look at him, the more you yearn to get out of your chair and—

you cut yourself off completely from that thought and chew, chew, chew. maybe if you fill your senses with the taste of the bubblegum, you’ll distract yourself from his presence. he’s completely certain you’ll continue to allow him the pleasure of conversation, much to your inevitable dismay.

solitude is safer, you tell yourself. it’s what you’ve always known, but an unnecessary flush stains your cheeks and the heat makes it impossible to look at him for much longer.

“i suppose it really doesn’t matter,” you manage to say, and with great difficulty you force yourself to look at him again and find that he’s never once took his eyes off you.

the intensity behind his gaze is unnerving, but welcomed; a contradictory feeling, but there’s something overtly calming about his presence. so you let yourself step out of your comfort zone and allow him into your space, to pick your brain on various topics without restraint.

he’s normally not this chatty, preferring to drink and fool around — as talking requires a level of vulnerability that he’s not interested in giving. but with you, he finds it incredibly easy to do so — even allowing you to ask him questions about himself and the adventures he’s had on the sea. you get more animated as the night goes on, the bonfire still burning fierce and keeping you warm.

rayleigh’s voice drizzles onto your skin, his words smooth and suggestive without even trying. normally you wouldn’t entertain a man like this, but you’re trapped in his orbit, his aura prompting you to scoot your chair closer, so you can talk to him more privately. he’s completely enchanted by you — with your animated expressions, with the way you talk with your hands a lot, with how you keep leaning closer and closer to him. if you knew just how cute and charming you were, he might be in trouble.

thankfully, you don’t.

and while he already has someone that occupies the majority of his heart, he’s starting to think that he wouldn’t mind making space for someone like you.

[ssruis]

Ruikasa posting that got away from me (again). You guys can’t be mean to me pandemonium is on engsekai in like five days. don’t blame me blame colopale.

Ruikasa is very interesting for me 2 think abt wrt rui and his hang ups bc Rui is very single-minded in going after what interests him - he taught himself robotics/engineering/a million other things, he pursued directing on his own, he would rather stick to his own paths and do what he wants to do instead of do what would make him more palatable to his peers

Rui: I wouldn't be expending my energy on something I don't intend on doing.

Tsukasa: Yes. That's the kind of person you are. You wouldn't be doing something if you didn't really want to...

Rui: right?

(Wonder Halloween)

(Area dialogue)

I don’t feel like hunting down every instance of kids around him going “we don’t want to play with you because it’s dangerous/we think you’re weird” I think I’ve done that enough times. But my point with those instances is that he valued what he loved over attempting to become someone who would fit in.

Desiring to connect with a person beyond the level of just friendship/wanting to know way more about someone is different than studying & learning a subject though, bc it’s

1) typically a two way street in that it’s reliant on the other person to want to share things and want to connect with you in return

2) also reliant on you not fucking up the relationship, which is pretty easy to do if you come out guns blazing like “hey you fascinate me & I want to know what makes you tick. And also everything else about you.”

Both points being something rui has zero experience with. Which is also why I think he opted to ask other people about tsukasa instead of talking to him directly.

(Kaito initial 2*)

(Area conversation)

He’s still very curious about Whatever The Fuck is up with tsukasa tenma but he’s obviously pursuing knowledge a little less intensely/overtly than he does for other stuff

(After talking about movie directing techniques) Director Ohara: … Well, that might not be useful to you as someone who’s aiming to become a stage director.

Rui: …No.

Rui: I’d rather be taught more specific techniques.

Director Ohara: …Huh?

Rui: What I want to create is a show that everyone can enjoy regardless of any limits.

Rui: In order to make that dream come true, I want to learn about direction in all kinds of media.

Director Ohara: …Oh?

Rui: That’s why I want to absorb any ideas and ways of thinking from any field.

Rui: All of the methods you know — please teach them to me.

(Backlight lens flare - TL haruka’s penguin)

All of that to say Rui is very clearly interested in learning more about Tsukasa, but also (imo) very wary of overstepping any social boundaries that would damage their current relationship.

He mentions that he tended to rely on shows to connect to other people around him in Pandemonium -

Rui: I had always thought that I could never properly understand everyone around me.

Rui: As I started doing shows at Wonder Stage with everyone, my way of thinking and feelings began to change.

Rui: Now, I am able to understand and connect with someone without relying on shows, and I’ve come to value the beauty of laughing alongside others.

Rui: that’s why — tsukasa-kun. Thank you for giving me the chance to change.

(Pandemonium - TL tsukasa’s #3 fan)

- which is also the event where he & tsukasa connect more *outside* of shows, and the event that both he and tsukasa acknowledge as an event that made them grow a lot closer. (more recent connect live, wrt them talking abt performing fixer, iirc. I hate to “source: trust me” but we’ve reached my limit for hunting down sources & it’s finding a tweet from forever ago where someone translated what they were talking about)

Anyways. Sorry. I just love that quote & what it says about Rui. I’ll spare you the “directing as a one way street/settling for the closest thing to a connection/laughing *alongside* others instead of providing a show for the audience to laugh at (ensekai if you change that specific sentiment I’ll be so mad)” thoughts. Back to the original point.

It’s interesting to think about how rui’s hang ups wrt friendships and his very intense curiosity/very determined pursuit of knowledge on the subjects that interest him intersect. Like. Before this point, whenever he was interested in something he could just go online and read everything he needed to know and satisfy his curiosity to his heart’s content.

Having to both navigate something completely foreign and pump the brakes on obsessively learning everything he can would be a novel experience for Rui. To say the least. “If I pursue this with as much intensity as I do with any other endeavor I am going to fuck something up (he is suffering)” kind of situation.

Being interested in a *person* is so much different & so much trickier and scarier to navigate. Especially with how much Rui values his relationship to Tsukasa as someone Who Matches His Freak.

and with Rui’s whole “I should be satisfied with what I have and if I’m not then it’s because I’m greedy/selfish” :

Rui: (… Geez, I really lack a backbone. When will the time come when I find myself satisfied with the way things are?)

(…)

Rui: (While working to make my dream come true, together with everyone, I will make their dreams come true. A way to do that — let me think of one.)

Rui: (fufu, how greedy of me.)

(Curtain call - TL Arven Oven & tsukasa’s #3 fan)

(Talking abt wanting to keep doing shows with wxs and his actions in OHE) Rui: Now that I think about it, I’ve been pretty selfish.

(World link - TL haruka’s penguin)

I think Rui’s approach to it would be very “I’m asking for more when I already have a great friendship I’m The Most Selfish Person Alive & must never say anything” which, tbf, would be his reaction wrt having feelings for literally anyone, not just tsukasa. However. Since this is a ruikasa post. unfortunately. I will say that what would be exclusive to Tsukasa is “he’s already given me so much and I still want more… I’m The Most Selfish Person Alive & must never say anything.” Rui is dramatic like that.

[pariahofpelicantown]

NSFW ABC (Penny)

(Minors DNI)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

Penny often feels quite emotional after sex, overwhelmed by the vulnerability she feels. She has never been very talkative, so she will snuggle close to you, burying her face in the crook of your neck. She has always had a tendency to bottle up her emotions, so she will opt for small touches and kisses to show her emotions.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Penny has come to appreciate her lips, after you have complimented them so many times. They are full and soft, and she loves the way they feel pressed against yours. She finds it incredibly sexy when you bite her lip, and she can’t help but shiver when she thinks of all the things that mouth is capable of doing to her.

Her favorite part of you is your hands. Whenever you touch her, whether it's running your fingers through her hair or holding her waist, she practically melts in your hands. She especially loves how your finger feels when it slowly eases into her, curling ever so slightly in a way that leaves her breathless and moaning.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

She can only go one round before needing to take a breather, so she prefers to let her partner get off first. Since it takes her a while to cum, she tends to focus more on your needs before allowing herself to finish.

She can squirt, but she needs to be overstimulated which is not something she likes to do very often.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Before the two of you got together, she would look up your pictures on social media and touch herself to them. She would imagine your face buried between her legs as she did so, gently breathing your name as she came to thoughts of you.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

When the two of you first got together, she was very inexperienced. She had only done a bit of heavy petting with one other person, and they stopped before actually having sex. She was worried her lack of experience would be disappointing, but she is a fast learner and always eager to please you. She improved quickly, and is always willing to take notes.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

When she is in a soft and tender mood, she loves to ride you (thigh grinding, or riding a strap for a female partner). She loves to look into your eyes as you hold her waist, seeing the effect she has on you making her even more needy for you.

When she has had a rough day and needs to ger her frustrations out, she prefers you to take her doggy style. She might be sweet, but she is human and sometimes needs an outlet for her anger.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

She is pretty serious when it comes to sex, as she views it an as intimate and sacred act.

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

She's not totally shaved, but she keeps herself meticulously groomed. She wouldn't mind shaving if you asked her too, but she never felt the need to go totally bare.

She doesn't care what you do with yourself, she will never tell you what to do with your own body, she just prefers to maintain her own hygiene as a personal preference.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

She is very soft and gentle, viewing the act almost reverently. She feels very connected to you during sex, and takes the matter seriously, making sure your needs are met and you are taken care of.

She will give you gentle kisses all over, whispering gentle words of affection in between touches.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

She is definitely skilled in the art of getting herself off, though she hasn't done much of that since you started having sex. She much prefers your touch to that of her own.

But if you are out late or kept busy during the day when the need strikes, she will wear one of your shirts, inhaling your scent as she lays spread eagle on the bed, her knees bent as she imagines your mouth in place of her hands.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Praise kink. She loves being called '"good girl" and to be told how well she is doing. She will do everything in her power to get you to praise her, and will melt and each affirmation.

"You're doing so well baby" and "that's my good girl" are phrases guaranteed to make her moan in appreciation.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

While you have had the occasional romp in the barn, she much prefers to keep sex to the privacy of the bedroom. She prefers the safety and comfort of the bedroom when she lets her guard down for sex, preferring not to have any distractions when being intimate with you.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Seeing you working on the farm, your body covered in sweat always sends a thrill through her. She loves the way your body glistens in the afternoon sun, and can't wait to help you out of your clothes later.

She also gets turned on knowing she can turn you on. She loves how sexy it makes her feel when you are looking at her with heat in your eyes, ready to devour her.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

No degradation, from either of you. She wants to feel good and make you feel good, so praise over degradation always. Tell her how good she is and how sexy she is.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

She loves receiving oral, it's her favorite thing that you do to her. She loves the way you suck and lick her, loving the warmth of you mouth as you suck on her until she cums. She loves cumming on your tongue, it's her favorite place to finish.

She is also more than willing to give, happily using her mouth to give you the same pleasure you give her. She will lap (or swallow) every last bit of your cum, humming happily at your taste.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

Slow and sensual, unless there is some frustrations that need to be let out, then it's okay to be a little rougher. But she much prefers tender and sensual lovemaking if given the choice.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

She is not opposed to the occasional quickie in the middle of the day, or in the morning before you head off to work. But she prefers to draw out the act, as sex is more about feeling close to you than actually getting off (although she greatly enjoys that part as well.)

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

She is NOT willing to be in a position where anyone might walk in and see the two of you together. The idea of anyone seeing her naked makes her stomach churn and the thought of anyone else seeing you naked sends an angry spike of jealousy coursing through her.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

It takes her a while to get off, and she usually only cums once. But the pay off is well worth it, as that one orgasm leaves her happy and spent. It's rare for her to be able to go more than once as the force of it leaves her exhausted.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

She definitely has a few toys at her disposal, and loves when you use them on her. She used them alone before you got together, but she hasn't had to use them by herself since you started having sex. Suck on her nipples while you use one of her toys on her and you will have her babbling incoherently.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

She is all about the teasing, both teasing you and being teased by you. She wants to extend the pleasure as long as possible, so she loves it when you two build the anticipation and edge each other so you’re both begging for release.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

Penny normally isn't very loud. She will gasp and quietly moan into your ear, but if you fuck her just right to the point where can't take it anymore, she has been known to scream.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

She has fantasized about using bondage; specifically being tied up and completely at your mercy as you eat her out over and over until she is forced to use the safe word to get you to stop.

Her safe word is "priest".

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

She hides it with practical clothing, but beneath her modest clothes she has a full ample chest with pink nipples that perk up with even the smallest bit of attention.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

She never considered herself to have much of a libido, but once you started having sex she found she has a decent drive, and finds herself craving you more times than she cares to admit.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

She loves pillow talk, and will try to stay up to enjoy the quiet moments in the afterglow with you. That said, she’s usually spent afterwards and will fall asleep cuddling up to you.

[bisquid]

A copy of the feedback I sent to Tumblr support:

I would like to know why I am being forcibly opted in to the pointless and obtrusive advert that is the 'Luffy' tab. I have not engaged with the 'one piece' fandom - I had to do some investigation to even figure out what fandom it *was* - and had no particular opinon of it, with zero interest in engaging with it in the future. I now have been *made* to engage with it and thus now have extremely negative associations with it. It is, effectively, an *anti*-ad. Congratulations! Nobody's happy.

.

I would also like to know why the Tumblr development team consistently rolls out a change to a small number of people without warning or explanation and no option to opt out, despite repeated requests from the userbase.

.

I would like to know why the Tumblr development team consistently pushes changes to the app or platform that clearly and demonstrably reduce accessibility, convenience and intuitiveness, offer responses to the resulting outrage that are not only often blatantly false but also so incredibly patronising as to be downright offensive, and then have the unmitigated temerity to insist they're doing it all to "help content creators" and "improve usability" and generally prioritize hypothetical future 'new users' over the existing userbase while simultaneously making it clear that they consider these mythical new users to be too stupid to learn the basics of a new platform.

I truly cannot properly articulate how utterly, cynically disingenuous it is to explain that they can't implement more settings options because that would be *confusing* - as though navigating clearly labelled toggles and drop down options are some hyper advanced technical skill the average user doesn't have and can't achieve - so the absence of those options actually makes the app *more accessible* than implementing any actual accessibility options.

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I have been on Tumblr for more than a decade, and I love it and the community I have found. It is heartbreaking to watch it steadily disintegrate into a less functional carbon copy of all the social media sites I have hated and avoided just because the handful of people making the decisions don't understand the point and value of Tumblr.

.

Please. Please. If we wanted twitter we would be *on Twitter*, if we wanted Instagram, that's where we'd be. Tumblr is precious and vibrant *because* of it's difference, not *despite* it.

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Ostensibly many of these changes have been made because Tumblr needs more money, and clearly the management team believes that the way to gain more money is to increase ad revenue, which is presumably why they seem so focused on pushing algorithmic content at the cost of an increasingly hostile user experience. Unfortunately that is incorrect.

Right now, Tumblr is attractive to advertisers because it has a vibrant community and is an established platform. If this trend of increasing hostility continues, more and more of the long term established users - who generate a hugely disproportionate quantity of the 'content' that makes Tumblr so unique and interesting - will leave. They will be left without the online community they have been a part of for years, something deeply distressing for them and for the community they have left, which in turn will be slowly dissolving as more and more members reach their limit and delete their accounts.

Tumblr will be left a spiralling mess of algorithm driven advertisements and porn and spam bots and a handful of bitter users, and sooner or later someone will pull the plug when it becomes apparent just how lucrative it *isn't* to advertise to non existent people.

.

Or you could listen to your userbsse.

[lavenoon]

Woke from a nightmare n decided to check Tumblr before passing out again. I saw you mentioned wanting more Eclipse Asks 👀

Please please please tell us more about the boy :0 I would love to know more about that tall fidgeting mess of a man!

Okie now I go pass out again, cyaaaa o/ 💤

@naffeclipse

I have been enabled.

Eclipse, in short, is a mess. He copes well enough, but his insecurities have been there from the beginning - they were predestined, with how he came to be.

Sun and Moon used to have a shared mode, before they decided it would be better for their sanity to just let the other do his thing and remain in rest mode. It was a blend of their AIs, making verbal communication unnecessary. Immediate understanding and combined planning skills, it did help them out of a few pickles (though they didn't get into too many, before this job).

And technically, they can still enter that mode.

They don't, because continued use of that "Eclipse" mode, with that blend of AIs where not even their system could differentiate where one ends and one begins, caused their AI to split into three one time.

Eclipse came into existence, trapped within a mind that wasn't his own, a miracle in a way, but received with shock and hostility. Neither of them expected him, least of all he himself!

That's why he's so curious, with that insatiable thirst for knowledge. If he's possible, what else might be? What else might be out there, ready to be found? Ready to be created?

But of course, there's the insecurity. The terrible need to compete with his brothers to prove himself vs the endless fear of falling short compared to them, again and again. He got them their job but what they do he'll never be good at, he's the taller one with more limbs but his battery is spotty at best, barely keeping him together well enough. They didn't want him in their head, and he didn't want to be in their head, and they got him a rush-job of a body (that I'll get to, too). They're all happy with the separation, but none of them were happy with the need for one.

Even if everyone wants him to have his own body, it's hard not to feel rejected, hard not to feel unwanted. The lingering tension remains even after the separation, and only exacerbates the problem. They don't want him, even when he's his own person. They pushed him out, because he'll never be good enough for them. They're all he has, and he is so so scared of them never accepting him. Maybe they just tolerate him, because they feel responsible - but would they choose him, if they ever had the option? Between his existence and non-existence, which one would they opt for? He's scared to ask.

It's tense, this relationship with his brothers. He pretends to be unaffected, like any younger sibling may pretend the approval of their older, cooler siblings may not matter. But he craves it so much. He wants to be wanted, wants to be accepted, wants to be loved - who doesn't?

Sun and Moon don't hate him. They're not quite sure, at first, but he is their little (annoying) brother. They care for him, want him to be safe, and when push comes to shove, they'd help him out no question. "No you can't wear my shirt but I'll help you hide a body" sibling dynamic.

There's also some guilt, at first - he wasn't meant to exist, and his AI was a strange mix of theirs and his few own experiences. Faulty, some might say, not fully developed. But he's doing fine these days, if a little clueless about social cues and a bit too happy to set things on fire, so the guilt really disappeared. It's better for Eclipse, too - he really hated being pitied for existing.

It gets a bit better when they live apart, because they don't serve as constant reminders for each other. Eclipse still has his brothers with him - the necklace I drew him with was not a coincidence, even if he claims that "a combined Sun and Moon pendant just means Eclipse. It's a me necklace".

Still makes sure they're okay, developing gloves for them that give them that extra grip during parkour, and making sure all his little gadgets make it to them. (And if they get some confidential blueprints in the mail for their own little workshop, well, he always was loose-lipped for someone without lips) (He needs them to be okay. This is how he can make sure - and if they build his designs, well, that's approval, too, right?)

Sun and Moon also are still there for him. They play up the annoyance sometimes, but they do care for him.

Especially considering that well, his "health" issues are kind of their fault. The body was a rush job - he has "narcolepsy", or rather the animatronic equivalent. The lower his battery goes, the higher the chance that his system will recognize it as dangerously low, and push him into rest mode. He always makes sure to be fully charged for work, because even if the rest mode spells only take a few moments to a minute, it's risky in a lab environment to randomly pass out.

He's saving for a replacement - but it's slow going, with all the other repairs he necessitates and with all the fun things to buy in the world. He's just a bit of a hoarder, attracted by colorful and shiny things, and of course, anything he can fidget with.

Him and Y/N... They're good, really! But despite all the cues he misses, it's glaringly obvious that his brothers are very interested, so he just isn't. Not romantically, at least. He's not interested in fighting that battle, only losing to his brothers who live and work with them, so rather inserts himself into a unique role that his brothers don't already fill. But they like him, they accept him, and at times even seek him out - first about inventions and gadgets, then about funny stories (dirt) about Sun and Moon, and then just to chat sometimes. It reassures him that even with them in the picture, he's not out of it, partly due to their own efforts to include him

They're all four a family, with time. Having Y/N in the mix lightens the mood, and keeps them all from constantly thinking about all what was, and instead enjoy the moment, or even plan for the future.

With Moon being the only one who doesn't lie about scars, any family reunions are hell for him while he's out - because Eclipse and Y/N are just inventing crazier and crazier stories, that somehow are totally unrelated to the real cause of the scars they sport, "For the bit, Moon, it's for the bit" "He wouldn't get it, don't try" "Can't appreciate a good story. He's still mad I got creative before". By then it's not even like they try to convince anyone, they just think of it like a creative exercise!

Sun and Moon may act a little annoyed that Eclipse and Y/N get along so well, but they realize quickly that their brother isn't interested in their little rival like that, and then it's just... A relief. The two people in their life they can't imagine living without get along, why would they complain? They may enable each other, and someone should keep an eye on where the fire extinguisher is, but they're glad things are looking up for their little family, at last

And they'll all be okay, with time <3

[chacusha]

My tips to new users to make Tumblr more usable

This is kind of random but I think Tumblr is one of those websites that hides a lot of its functionality from users and comes with default settings that makes it kind unusable (at least for me). So I've decided to collect some suggestions about things to do immediately in order to make Tumblr a much more usable website:

Most important: Put the content you actually opt into on your dash. First, go to Settings > Dashboard and turn off "Best Stuff First." In general, (1) I don't think it's good to let social media sites curate your content feed (they're not very good! you can curate your own content feeds!), and (2) chronological ordering is much more helpful for making sense of information. I don't know why you would want posts on a site to be presented in any other way. Please save yourself and make your dash chronological by toggling this monstrosity OFF. Also for the love of god, turn off "Include posts liked by the blogs you follow" and "Include 'Based On Your Likes!'" too. Other people's experiences might be different from mine, but when Tumblr first introduced this feature and I tried it out for a while, it was so predictable that every time I came across a post that made me viscerally angry and think, "How the HELL did this get on my dash?" it was always always some random post from someone I wasn't even following… So yeah, get rid of that.

Second, make the "Following" tab your default, instead of the "For you" tab. How to do this is not particularly obvious. From the Tumblr homepage (not settings), you need to find the tabs at the top of your dash (For you, Following, Your tags) and then click the toggle/settings icon to the right of those tabs. This will allow you to reorder your tabs. In particular, what you need to do is click the pin icon to the right of "Following," and this will set Following to be your pinned and first tab. By default, when you open Tumblr, your dash will show the posts of people you have actually opted into following rather than what Tumblr suggests to you.

Next, make sure timestamps on posts are on. This should be the default (despite what Tumblr says?), but if you don't see timestamps at the top of all posts, I highly recommend turning this setting on (under Settings > Dashboard). Knowing when a post was made is hugely helpful for understanding the context of the post, and I don't know why websites would allow you to hide this, really, unless they want you walking around with no sense of time or context, which uh… I don't recommend that social media experience!

Turn off endless scrolling (under Settings > Dashboard): Websites like endless scrolling to keep people from leaving the site. I recommend turning this off to make it more obvious how many posts you've scrolled through on Tumblr, to make it easier to find your place in older posts, and also to make the website just lighter to load. When I last used it, the Tumblr mobile app does not allow pagination, which is pretty typical of social media apps in general. Honestly, I recommend just not using the Tumblr mobile app at all. I've uninstalled it and aside from missing the convenience of being able to attach photos from my phone onto Tumblr posts, I really don't miss it…

Things that you may or may not be interested in:

Enable custom theme on (each of) your blog(s): So fun fact: If you don't have a custom theme enabled, then when people visit your blog when not logged into Tumblr, they will only be able to scroll through a few of the posts on your blog before being prompted by Tumblr to log in if they want to see more. This popup cannot be gotten around, and so people without Tumblr accounts or who are browsing on a device/browser without a login session just won't be able to see your posts. Personally, I do not like this behavior -- I like my blogs to be archives with useful permalinks that can be browsed by anyone. Anyway, you can get rid of this annoying prompt by going to Account > (select blog) > Blog settings and toggling that "Enable custom theme" slider. It doesn't really matter what theme you use (although there are a lot of options to choose from), just use a custom one!

Turn off "Shorten long posts" (under Settings > Dashboard): YMMV, but I personally don't find this setting very helpful as the maximum length for when it starts cutting off posts is pretty short and falls far short of what I would consider a "long post" that is inconvenient to scroll past. Instead, you may want to turn off this setting and create a filter for the tag "long post" (under Settings > Account > Filtered Tags).

Mature content: If you're interested in possibly seeing mature content, you may want to review your mature content settings (under Settings > Account) as by default, Tumblr is set to hide it entirely and doesn't tell you that it's hidden posts from you and so you probably just will not be aware this setting is a thing! Personally, I use the "Blur" setting.

Hiding content from users you don't want to see: As far as I can tell, if you see someone's posts in (e.g.) tag searches and would prefer not to see any of that person's posts in public places like that tag or appear on your dash by people you follow reblogging their posts, you should block them. Official Tumblr documentation does not say that this is a feature of blocking, but it is.

When Tumblr's functionality isn't enough… External tools such as XKit Rewritten provide a whole lot of QoL fixes to Tumblr's interface like making it easier to reply to replies, hiding posts you've already seen, showing how many new/unread posts are in tracked tags, showing all tags on posts by default rather than requiring you to click "See all," etc. For me, one thing I needed in order to make Tumblr semi-usable for me is hiding notes in tag searches (because I don't really need constant reminders that my tastes aren't aligned with wider fandom's tastes lol). I couldn't find a tool that does this, so I wrote a simple Tampermonkey script to do it for me.

Hope this helps new users of Tumblr, and feel free to add other helpful tips if you have them!

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

“Am I too casual? Because I don’t really think that is big of a deal Evan and Natalie being at a public event together… I mean, they could be a serious thing but also not idk”

I agree anon. I am already seeing comments from fans about marriage and children…it’s been a month 💀 I think Evan is probably at the point where he doesn’t want to hide his relationships anymore. I don’t think it is any more serious than any other recent dating experience especially since he was dating prior to Coachella. If they don’t work out together I think Evan should reconsider the media attention aspect in the future. I’m not saying he did anything wrong because he didn’t, neither of them did. Please don’t come at me for that. But media attention, age gaps, moving too quickly, etc. can all have negative effects on relationships, celebrity relationships in particular which are twice as likely to fail as normal relationships anyway. I think if you can minimize one of the two factors or maintain some semblance of control prior to engaging in a relationship then you should and I think they really both should have done that for the sake of any long term relationship goals but no one would think of that in the heat of the moment. Regardless, it’s none of my business. That’s just my unsolicited two cents.

there’s a lot to unpack here. first - yes, people need to chill with the wedding invites. but evan has never “hid” his relationships with any woman. just because no one saw it doesn’t mean he was walking around in a trench coat and sunglasses trying not to be caught with a date. with all due respect, what do you expect of him? to never leave his house and enjoy public outings with his girlfriend or a woman he is dating because someone may see him? he is a celebrity, you can’t opt out of this aspect of fame. there is no “semblance of control” here - you either be a hermit and don’t go out on public dates lest a fan see you and post about it, or you live your life and understand you cannot control what others do as a public figure. there would be no point in evan pursuing a relationship with a woman who isn’t tough enough to deal with the realities of dating a celebrity. she saw the coachella attention and had no problem sitting with him, holding hands at the film screening, so i think neither of them have any interest in hiding away.

them being seen out with each other at coachella or a film screening isn’t a liability that put their budding relationship at risk. if natalie was somewhere crying over IG comments she would have already privated her page or turned off comments. she works in social media management, she’s not a newbie to this world and i think she is showing that she isn’t going to let trolls and bullies get the best of her. and she shouldn’t. she has what all those bitter, negative people want but will never have, which is evan. i’d hold my head up high and let these people scream and cry in my comments, too. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[tenthhell]

Okay so I said earlier I was going to circle back to whether I felt that tarot card was fitting for Orianna or not, and now that I'm not actively working on murdering mfs, I am here to do so. SO. Discussion of the Star card, and how it does or doesn't relate to Orianna below the cut, bc I'm sure this shit's gonna get long.

General: The Star denotes inspiration, contentment, and optimism for the future in a broad sense. When you include this Major Arcana figure in your Tarot spread, you'll have a strong sense of positivity, drive, and freedom. The Star tarot card is a sign of spiritual experience, therefore you will feel quite calm and in sync with the cosmos. A really good omen is the star. It is the duration of equilibrium and calm that follows the upheaval caused by The Tower. The star tells you that you have overcome your challenges and now have a fresh perspective on yourself and the world around you.

The first portion I find to be relatively the same to what the test results were, but the thing with tarot is that it doesn't necessarily mean to give you a whole; you might need to focus on specific portions of the meaning to find the answers you're looking for. Staying momentarily with the first paragraph, though, I focus more on the sense of drive and freedom: two of the factors that led her from the Hells in the first place. In her home plane, there's expectation of following a certain path -- primarily, constantly quarreling ( albeit subtly, as it's noteworthy that it's not typically smiled upon to do so out in the open in their culture ) with others to climb the social ranks, gain power, become an archduke, and eventually queen of the Hells. And while Orianna most assuredly has drive and ambition, not particularly towards those things exactly. The constant walking on eggshells so that you're always ten steps ahead, never reveal too much, never enrage the wrong individual in the wrong way is all very exhausting and rather like being a juvenile fish in a pond of many, many large fish; you've the capacity to grow to their size or larger, certainly, but that's assuming the opportunity isn't snatched away because of one mistake or another. The Material Plane, though.... It's much more like being a growing shark in the shallows; you've all the time in the world to grow and gather resources and move deeper whenever it suits you -- and there's not hardly so much competition. ( There is some, but it's different. Different species, different niches, different challenges. Much easier to avoid most of the time, and therefore more manageable. ) Never mind the feeling of being able to do anything and everything you please; the world is your oyster. For Orianna, that ends up primarily looking like taking a page out of the dragon's book and hoarding any and all kinds of knowledge -- arcane and otherwise, but also having the freedom to experiment relatively freely without having to watch her own back all the time. ( Read: without having to worry others may use her findings and creations against her or a member of her family, as the others are largely not around to know she's made and or found a thing. )

The latter portions are struck out primarily bc they, like the discussions of the meanings of upright / reversed sound more to me like they could be development during the process of BG3, which is why I'm opting to not delve into it rn. I might eventually, depending on the direction I opt to take her blog; I'm actually not fully certain how I would like to see Orianna develop bc frankly, sometimes it's more interesting to watch things play out that paint the path on the ground before you get there.