#i would have started sooner
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Dustin will occasionally start talking about his sister in Hellfire as well as his brother. When Eddie finally meets Steve and Robin he thinks Robin is who Dustin is calling his sister. Until he pays more attention and realizes Dustin refers to Robin as his brothers best friend to people. Until he hears it once.
“you know Robin my sisters best friend.”
He stares a bit more at Steve after that.
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@teelagurl558
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#I'm team let steve fuck with gender if you can't tell#Steve doesnt care honestly but Dustin is super suportive and juggles pronouns and terms for them#steddie#steve henderson au#steve harrington#dustin henderson#robin buckley#eddie munson#ok so i have this outlined and i'm going to start writing it on break#i would have started sooner#but suddenly adhd struck and i'm now writing an entrily differnt steddie fic
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I want you whipped into shape!
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#yu ziyuan#wang lingjiao#wen zhuliu#'When I say jump - say “how high'”? You know you're doing it right when you start to cry!“#Of course I can't resist the Legally blonde reference. This is the Elle Woods is canon in PD-MDZS blog#I love this scene so much. There are a lot of things to say about it and I would go over the limit if I indulged.#Suffice it to say the main takeaway *here* is that I think YZY is milfboss of the millennia.#I intended for this to be posted on international women's day but my ambition led me to keep trying to make it better.#And by better I mean I spent several days (re)drawing this one and that is **not** what poorly-drawn-mdzs is supposed to be about.#I will be making the next few comics worse to compensate <3 At the very least I will honour my time and tag it as 'better drawn'#('my time' spent hunched over my desk while I chant 'this concept is *not* above my skill level!' over and over again)#Funny story about PD!Wen Zhuliu; he was supposed to show up sooner but I kept accidently cutting the comics he would have been in.#So I like to think he just went on a long coffee run. 'Go get me an (insert coffee chain) pink drink' said Wen Chao.#'He never said from which location' said Wen Zhuliu as he proceeded to walk 100km to the farthest cafe he could find.
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✸ If you could only see the beast you've made of me, I held it in but now it seems you've set it running free ✸
#im truly so in love with her monster girls own my entire life#thank you studio trigger for the fan service#as a fan i was serviced#but also how wounded and betrayed she looks when kabru and laios start attacking her!! im in physical pain#would have finished this way sooner if not for getting sick + my laptop being on its last legs :ccc#but still!! nothing will keep me from drawing her i am obsessed#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#dungeon meshi fanart#falin touden#chimera falin#falin dungeon meshi#dunmeshi falin#falin fanart#falin#myart
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Hii, how do you think the members would react when they realize that a friend of their crush also has a crush on her? I hope you understood me 😣
hi anon!!! thank you so much for being my first request<3 so sorry this took so long 😭 i hope you still enjoy though its so so late !!!
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xdh — finding out about a friend's crush on you (+ confessing)
genre: fluff as always, light angst (i love to see a man in emotional turmoil) tags: drabble, ot6, female reader, jealousy/light possessiveness?, pining, starting as friends, friends to lovers, reader is shorter than them, confessions warnings: none note: reader is some sort of employee or person that works in their building or around the area for added context ... they see you often even if not directly working with them basically (vaguely gestures). and the friend is kiiiind of rude anyway so he doesnt deserve your time in the first place
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gunil — tries to be respectful, succeeds. (and then fails)
perhaps he's very comfortable in his role as "the responsible one" as the eldest of the group. he tries to embody a role-model for his bandmates when he can, there's a very caring and deeply responsible part of him that naturally comes out. he is not known for being selfish. that being said, when he finds out one of your friends has a crush on you there is a deep urge in him to find you immediately and just confess all the feelings he's kept buried in him for months. it bothers him like mad, because he knows that he shouldn't get in the way of anything or anyone you might be vying for. what if you felt the same way about that friend? what if he made it difficult for you to choose him after confessing? what if he ruined his friendship with you when you didn't feel the same way? there were just so many uncertainties and not enough safety for his comfort, so he chose to suffer in silence, as he was used to doing.
there was a familiarity in being alone with his thoughts that he wasn't sure if he could find the courage to leave behind just yet.
he sits with this feeling for days. he tries to convince himself that he's simply content to see you at all, and wants to be happy for your happiness, though it is so clear to his bandmates that he's not his usual self lately.
it's not until he sees you with said friend that he can't help himself anymore. he hated that you were laughing with him, but he hated his lack of conviction more. he makes up his mind to tell you as soon as he gets the chance because the fear of rejection meant so much less to him than watching you get taken from him right before his eyes without doing anything about it.
and you—you're none the wiser about it all until gunil confronts you that night as you're heading home. the intense look on his face is something you've never seen before, passionate and desperate underneath the warm ambient light of the dimly lit room. it illuminates his face in a way that strikes through your heart. you always found him to be attractive, but tried not to let your feelings unfurl further since you knew that there was not a chance he'd feel the same way, not with all the projects and people he manages on a day to day basis. he was just too busy for romance. but right now in this moment, the way that his eyes are narrowed with a seriousness that you haven't seen from him before sends a shiver up your spine. and not just towards anyone, towards you.
he steps closer to you. you're basically backed up against the wall, your heart beating out of your chest. he's so close you finally get a good look at how his dark eyes are trying to find something in yours—answers. you can't help yourself from putting your hands on his chest and bicep to steady yourself.
"i... i have something to tell you." he speaks so lowly and so desperately it mixes in with the sound of his sharp breaths.
you can barely hear him because all you can focus on is the gentle curvature of his beautiful lips. he notices this, because with his hand he pulls your chin up in order to angle your face to meet his eyes, forcing you to see what sort of distress you've put him through.
for the first time in a long time he's wanted something, no, someone for himself, and you're about to find out what.
jungsu — tries to be respectful, fails immediately
jungsu is the sweetest guy ever. he's always looking out for others and wants the best for him. after finding out about your friend's crush on you, though, something takes over him. you wonder why he's suddenly being so much more attentive and sweet, way more than normal. comedically and somewhat pathetically (in a sopping wet dog with glassy eyes kinda way) offering to carry your things, buying you sweets, praising you—it was even a little much at times. you were starting to get a little annoyed, not because you didn't like it but because you were wondering why the hell he started acting like this out of nowhere.
it's not until you're out shopping with him that you start to connect the dots. you run into the friend-in-question and he sparks up a conversation with you, both of you completely unaware of the growing panic and jealousy growing in jungsu's mind.
to your surprise, the usually soft-spoken and patient guy interjects whatever you two were talking about and grabs your hand, hastily pulling you away into some other random store. at first you're worried that you did something to offend him, but then you notice the embarrassed pout on his face as you two slow down near some unassuming accessory store. he's chewing the inside of his cheek, wondering what possessed him to be so rude (he knows exactly why, he just couldn't stand watching you two get along and got swept up in his emotions). the people already in the store make some shifty glances at you two, some of the aunties even shaking their heads, going 'gosh, another lovers quarrel', but it doesn't reach your ears by how hard you're trying to figure him out right now. he has no explanation for himself, simply looking aimlessly at the assortment of necklaces on the racks and refusing to meet your eye. he doesn't let go of your hand.
"i-i'm sorry, i just ..." he's struggling so hard to find the words. he really should just come out and say it but that would mean confirming his feelings for you right here and now, and there was no way you'd accept considering what reckless thing he did just now. "you ... i just didn't want ..."
a beat of silence, and then a resounding 'oh' pops into your head as you finally realize that it was actually your friend that was the problem for him. you smile at his shaking visage. how cute.
what happens next is in your hands, the same ones that are fit so perfectly in his warm, nervous palms. you're glad the group of aunties left before you could do this.
the air feels electrifying. you pull him closer and stand on your tippy toes and he's watching you do this so adorably but it doesn't compute in his head until he finally feels the plush feeling of your lips against his, and suddenly he feels right again. this is what he's been waiting for this whole time.
gaon — gets clingy
jiseok has always been physically clingy. he shows his love and affection by quite literally hanging onto you, through hugs or wrapping his arm around yours. it is very casual and very natural for him to do that with people he loves. emotionally, however, he's a bit more withdrawn than expected. he likes his alone time. he likes you more. but, he is so painfully unaware of it. so when he finds out that your friend has a crush on you, the petty side of him that simmers at the surface of his mind really comes through without him doing it intentionally. it becomes an increasingly common occurrence for you to receive a text from him that goes along the lines of "are you busy friday? :)", or "there's a new movie i wanna see, can we hang soon?" because he thinks you'll genuinely enjoy what he had planned for you, and not because of any other reason.
this, of course, is his way of getting you away from that guy who's trying to get with you. honestly, he thinks he's boring and won't treat you right. there's really no one in your circle that he deems worthy for you.
you're more than happy to spend time with him. but it starts to get to a point where you're wondering 'what are we' when he starts to get a little more clingy, more so than his usual friendly self. his hands linger a little longer on yours, his eyes seem to follow your every move and he's smiling at you in a way that holds so much adoration that your heart starts beating faster.
when you text him that you can't hang because you feel bad you keep blowing off the friend-in-question, who had asked for your time today already, he sulks like crazy. he knows he shouldn't be so childish about it but it sucks because you're his best friend and you're wasting your time on him and he's going to confess to you and then you're gonna start dating each other and then you'll get married and go away forev—oh. oh man.
he quickly grabs his jacket and runs to your place before you can even think about leaving for your outing.
you see him show up to your front door and almost collapse to his knees, leaning an arm on the frame of your front door. "what the hell— jiseok?! are you okay?" and he's heaving so hard he can barely speak, "yeahi'mfineILOVE. YOU. ohgodmyribs. DON'T. GOTOHIM. i just. foundoutiloveyou. stay. right here". you can barely believe what he's saying, not only because he's huffing and puffing, but because you really had no idea he felt the same about you. the silence worries him because he looks up to see your confusion, or worse, hesitance, and through his labored breath and takes your hand in his. on one knee as if asking for your hand in marriage, "stay with me. please," and you can't help but laugh when it finally all clicks. this is such a dramatically jiseok way to profess feelings to someone. you're definitely gonna bring this up again.
but for now, with a bright smile, you give his hand a reassuring squeeze, "come in. let's get you some water."
o.de — kicks himself into action
finding out is a wake-up call to him. he kicks himself for getting complacent. it's not that he didn't think other guys would be into you or anything, just that he didn't think it would happen so soon. he put off his feelings for you constantly because he feared ruining things between you two, but now that there was another guy in your radar it meant that he had to be on high alert. he immediately starts thinking about the best way to confess to you, and fast because who knows if this guy is going to sweep you off your feet out of nowhere.
he's trying to plan something grand and a little cheesy because he thinks, no, knows that you deserve to be appreciated. he would yell his love for you from the rooftops if he could. he's thinking about it so much that you stop hearing from him for a couple days. his absence lingers in the air around you and you start to wonder why it feels so heavy without him around, because wasn't he just a friend?
you get your hopes up when your phone pings with a text—but it's not from seungmin. there's a dull ache in your heart when you see it's from the friend-in-question. you're disappointed but don't want to take it out on him, so you say yes to dinner. you go with him, and clearly he's trying to make a move on you by spoiling you with a nice meal and compliments, but you just can't get your mind off of seungmin and what he's doing right now. you end the date, which was more just like him talking at you, by rejecting him. you're wondering if he was just friends with you to try and get a chance with you, and it hurt a little.
then, it happens. your phone buzzes as you're about to leave the restaurant. it's seungmin. as soon as you pick up he sounds out of breath and desperate. "where are you right now?!" and you answer honestly, about the date and how it ended, and how you missed talking to him. "stay right there, i'm coming."
he picks you up from the restaurant, having drove there in a hurry. there's roses and chocolate on the dashboard as if he were going on a date himself and you know immediately who it's for by the look on his face and the slight sheen of sweat like he'd been worried sick about something.
there's not even a moment that passes while in the car before you both can't help yourselves anymore, having the first real taste of what you two felt for each other, sealed with a kiss.
junhan — withdraws himself
junhan has always been quiet, but you were starting to love getting to have late night conversations with him about life itself, your place in the the universe and who's your favorite character in dungeon meshi. he seemed to open up when he was around you and you loved getting to pick apart his mind. you felt that you both were able to keep up each other's intellectual abilities, and it was refreshing.
so when he suddenly reverts back to the shy personality he had when you first met him, you know something's wrong. you're trying to figure out how to confront him about it without making him curl back into his shell even more.
in his mind, on the other hand, he's doing you a favor. after finding out that your friend has a crush on you, the one that is so much more extroverted and good at holding up conversations, he thinks its best that he takes a step back so he wouldn't be taking up space in your life that could be reserved for your friend. he throws himself into work even more so than before, using it as an excuse to avoid you so it doesn't hurt as much when you inevitably start dating that stupid guy. but that doesn't mean he stops watching and analyzing, watching to see if that guy really, truly was good enough for you.
and of course, he wasn't. call it intuition or just plain logic, junhan noticed how he very often seemed to talk over you. it bothered him to know that there's a possibility that you'd be happier with your friend, but it bothered him more to think about you unhappy with him, because at least junhan would actually notice if you were.
that wouldn't do at all. while junhan is very rational he absolutely does not mess around when it comes to you. the friend-in-question is busy chatting away while you're forced to listen to him. you think he's a nice guy, but he was the type of person who was more used to talking at someone rather than to them. you never really felt heard when speaking to him, unlike with junhan who took every word you said into account, making sure you knew your thoughts mattered to him.
junhan, with tingling fingertips and an audacity that could only be stirred up by the thought of losing you, calmly walks up to you two. you wouldn't have guessed it took all his courage to ask "can we get drinks tonight?" and you're over the moon at the mere suggestion, "is that even a question?! of course, i haven't seen you around in ages!". your eyes light up with excitement, unable to stop yourself from excitedly rambling about how you really wanted to talk about some new manga that dropped during his absence. junhan smiles at you, half because he knows this feels right, like you both were meant to be together in this moment, and half because he loves the way that guy's stupid grin drops when he sees how happy you are to see him.
"so it's a date?" junhan says with a radiant smile, almost as if the guy standing next to you didn't exist. he was enjoying taunting this guy a little too much, he thinks to himself. your jaw drops a little at this unexpected confidence, but you'd be lying if you said you didn't want it to be. and so you shoot a quick, very obviously awkward glance at the so called 'friend', thinking about who you knew would treat you right, and turn back to say:
"it's a date."
jooyeon — makes it everyone's problem
when jooyeon finds out about your friend's crush on you he cannot stop from complaining about him to his bandmates. jiseok rolls his eyes hearing the groans from jooyeon, going for the millionth time this week that "he's just not right for her" and "he's not even good looking" and "she's way out of his league!" to lying in bed upside down with his head hanging off the edge groaning into his palms, "but what if she likes him though?! do you think she does?! is that why she hasn't been around lately? aghhhh, girls are so confusing. this sucks. wanna play league?" in which jiseok replies with a sigh, "dude, you could just text her and figure it out for yourself right now." and leaves before his head explodes from how much of a baby joo gets when he's frustrated about something.
when he's finally alone, jooyeon gets to sit alone with his thoughts. just pure and utter him, not the shining jooyeon on stage with his bass, and the thought of you, beautiful and kind, and how much he misses the sound of your pretty laugh. you're constantly on his mind. sometimes he finds himself idly smiling about some dumb text you sent him or the one time where you tried singing along to his strumming and it wasn't good but you gave it your all. it was just so you. you're his friend, yes, but he didn't realize how he felt something so much more for you until the idea of you not being around him anymore became a very real possibility.
the thought of you not being in his life wasn't even in the question for him. it breaks his heart to think of such a thing happening, that he wouldn't be the one making you happy but some other, boring, loser of a guy ... but he doesn't let the others know that part. deep down he's more insecure than he lets on. whatever exasperated complaining he lets out barely scratches the surface of the sort of emotional vortex swirling in him at this very moment thinking about you dating someone else.
when he sees you he makes it so unbelievably obvious, everyone around you two is betting on the moment that you finally realize. you're wrapping up your lunch together when he brings it up. "stoooop hanging out with him, he's boring and he only plays fps games, i mean come on," he's basically begging you like a kid.
you snort at him, "and you know almost every pokemon. he's not doing anything wrong, we all have things we really like." you're saying this to defend your point but in reality you also thought it was annoying that that was all he talked about with you and didn't seem to care about what you liked at all.
"yeah, well." jooyeon grumbles, pitifully tucking his head into the crook of his arm, leaning onto the table. he doesn't make eye contact with you, just pouting cutely. "heard he likes you, too... he's not special." the last part is almost unintelligible from the way he buries his head further into his arm as he says it.
that piques your interest. "oh? what was that? after the first part?" you know exactly what you heard but you just can't help yourself from teasing him.
"'ts nothing."
"joo." he refuses to meet your eyes but you see the tips of his ears reddening.
"i gotta get back to practice."
"joooooyeon. lee jooyeon. jooyeon of xdinary heroes. did i hear correctly? 'he's not special?'"
he's already walking off.
"joo, you know i'm going to the same place as you!" you shout after him. quickly, you shove your things into your bag and catch up to his rather hasty speed. you're giggling because you can read him like a book. that cute little pout on his face is all you need to see before you go to grab his hand mid step. he jolts a bit, not expecting your touch, before he eases into it and finally looks you in the eye.
"you ..."
shifting your hand so your fingers interlock, you smile at him, looking him in the eyes with earnest, "i like you, too."
in a few moments he's trying to stay cool and ends up failing miserably by how the corners of his mouth refuse to stay still. he can't help himself from breaking into a grin at those words. he would get to it later, be able to grandly profess his love to you like how he had imagined it going in his head, but for now he was content with this. simple and happy with your hand enveloped in his larger one.
it's by no means a scene out of a drama, but it was perfectly enough for the two of you.
(later that night jooyeon is so completely over the moon about being chosen. it feeds his ego BAD. you have to take him down a peg by telling him how he hasn't really properly confessed to you yet, and you are very entertained by how he stutters and struggles to say it to you directly after such a grand display of confidence. oh, joo ...)
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thank you for reading! <3
#i love run on sentences!#i had so much fun writing this#it shows because as i wrote them they started getting longer and longer LMAO#hopefully i did them all justice#thank you anon<3#i would have finished sooner but then live and fall dropped LMAO#i like that gunil and joo have very similar worries about it but they go about confessing in such different ways LMAOOO#xdh x reader#xdinary heroes x reader#xdh imagines#xdinary heroes#xdh#xdiz#confession#friends to lovers#pining#gunil x reader#jungsu x reader#gaon x reader#ode x reader#junhan x reader#jooyeon x reader#xdh fluff#fluff#light angst#request 𓇬#inbox 𓇬
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Oooo starstruck dee has little stars at the bottom of her feet! Are they just aesthetic or would they make imprints into the ground? (like pawprints)
exactly like that! though she's not the only one...
edit: might need to add some additional dialogue to this to make it more clear, but a clarification in the interim; he knows about his own footprints. he's just surprised to see something similar already there when he knows he's only just landed. he lifts his own shoe to confirm that they're not identical (and also to reveal this to the viewer). seems his stoicism beat off the clarity in this one, sorry 😭
#meta knight#starstruck dee#have had this one sitting around for *months* while i bit my nails on posting it#and then i thought maybe i *shouldn't* during the shipaganza bc it's not a direct prompt; though i do think you can read it that way#and for ~Reasons~ i needed to post this one sooner rather than later so i had to bite the bullet.#though meta knight has understandably been the second most prompted. they do indeed have the Funnest Possible Dynamic for it#stoic guy and the bug eyed little Creature he doesn't really trust as far as he could throw her (long long way)#so just to clarify this one is NOT for the shipaganza but you can read it that way if you want to#this is just a canon scene between them from her storyline. this is just something they canonically share. starry eyed idiots.#also fwiw i think i probably picked up the shoe-patterns for the knights from postitnotes7#been a headcanon in the back of my mind for a long while but i'm pretty sure i osmosis'd it from their work#especially after drawing post's designs so much for the hnkss. i temporarily forgot how i used to draw their armour ngl#and also btw starstruck deetectives psspsps#i'm planning a much better post about this later (probably in march) but i'm going to start using this tag for Important Posts for y'all#🎀🔍#<- for the starstruck deetectives when there's something significant in the post.#i worry about making it 'too easy' but also want stuff to be accessible. it's just for fun? the OC lore game! ARG but it's just my oc.#that would be fun right? maybe? is that too indulgent? i could probably pull it off if folks were actually interested enough to participate#anyway!! go to bed starflung#also if you read this far: anon is open again! still open for shipaganza prompts but i'm not gonna be finished them in february 😂
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out of curiosity, would you consider yourself butch?
used to be a blonde underweight twink and now I'm a based jock still got the chanel bag and the sick albeit matured mind of a suckpig to prove it so I'm gonna let you decide whether you wanna call me that word just cuz I got a pussy and short hair. I promise you that there have been enough advancements made in the art of lesbian sexual dynamics in the past 50 years to broaden the vocabulary used to describe the plethora of types of masculine females.
#being called butch just reminds me of how much males have the freedom to navigate between male archetypes and how people pay attention to#the distinguishing features of these varying masculinities#but when a female is seen as masculine it all gets lumped under the “butch” category#her masculinity is seen as unnatural and therefore incapable of being considered genuine or taken at face value as it is with males.#its always brought into question instead of taken in consideration with the rest of the woman's life and experiences and her particularities#Hence... Butch is still being treated as though its a huge lesbian cultural phenomena instead of a specific niche thing#also i dont mean to invite the “you dont pass!!” anons again bc that idiot is missing my point entirely (which is that im truly not trying)#but the fact is that for the past 3 years i have found myself increasingly navigating the male social world#and discovering what it means to me as a female to have access to the ability to take my “masculinity” for granted... relax#forget about it#etc#i think thats entirely antithetical to the Butch thing which seems to rest on the tension of other peoples expectations of her#people broadly are more surprised to find out that im interested in women just as much as they're surprised that im a gym queen iykwim...#ive worked hard for this and now that ive gotten the Woman Social Role thing pretty much entirely out of the way i am living the dream#i think a large part of that is learning as a dyke to appropriate the language of gay men theres a reason their terminology had#staying power even when their scene was *literally* dying meanwhile all that seemed to survive from dyke spaces was butch n femme ??#its because theirs didnt necessitate the building and maintenance of a scene in order for the subculture to hold its head above water#their labels *largely* weren't predicated on their relationships to gender roles and its telling that for dykes it was#their labels rested on the need to simply show up anonymous n be able to easily flag whether they were looking to fuck or be fucked#alongside the set of circumstances under which they would be fucking or getting fucked or what have you#it all comes back to the restrictions of female social blah blah blah and i think the sooner we collectively set down what we see as our#responsibility as lesbians and as feminists to Be A Woman the sooner we can step outside of that#n start thinking clearly about our individual circumstances and the necessity of putting on your own oxygen mask first before helping others
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Since it's apparently Hypnovember right now, TFP Optimus being the one hypnotized by TFP Ratchet leading Optimus to being horny and becoming creampied by Ratchet.
i fw this heavily ngl........
#my art#my requests#valveplug#i would have finished this way sooner but i have covid#and on top of that the roof of my rental started leaking water in two different rooms bc of a storm 😭#this comic got me thru it all 💔#anyway you're awesome anon. mwuah#hypnovember#transformers#transformers prime#optimus prime#ratchet#optiratch#ratchop#optimus prime x ratchet#tfp ratchet#tfp optimus prime#tf optimus prime#tf ratchet#/nsft#/nsfw#transformers fanart#optiratch valveplug#tfp fanart
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out of all ways to find out i'm trans, it was aldogeo who made me realize it </3 suddenly i understand what so many people were refering to when saying "gender envy" over and over again back in 2021. and the thing is, he doesnt look like some androgynous elf or whatever at all, i think its the fact that he looks so… like some guy?? that makes me have "gender envy"??? i could see him taking the bus or on the way to class in my uni, or at the hospital or at the store. he really is just some guy, and i wanna be some sort of guy too…
that's wonderful anon
#confession#cc: aldogeo#i was an early finn f1nn5ter twitch viewer#and while i was never envious of how finn looked i was both envious#and inspired by how he played around with gender expression#i would have transitioned no matter what it was always what was going to happen#but finn definitely inspired me to start sooner then i would have on my own#and isnt that just beautiful? what a lovely lovely world#mod response
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Decimal Concept Art
Decimal's concept art (a whole 4 pages)! Translation notes and image ids under the cut.
Translation notes:
The Japanese word for "doll" that's used for Decimal could also be translated as "puppet" (which is the same word that was often used to describe the Hierophant). I went with doll because Decimal's a little less puppet-looking, but "puppet" or even "automaton" would probably have also worked.
The name "Gwilym" was a little bit of a guess. "Appling" is one I'm more sure about because I found someone who had online translated the name from Japanese to English, but I couldn't find any direct translation for ゴアメル (Goameru/Goamelu), so I just looked for a similar name that belonged to a dragon. If someone who's played the Bravely series has more accurate info, feel free to leave a comment and let me know.
"This is what we privately call 'playing fast and loose with the design framework'" was a weird one. The first part was something along the lines of "So-called" or "this is called", and the second part was "secret" or "hidden" or "concealed", the third part was "amusement" or "play" or "game", and the fourth part was like "frame(work)" or "zone" or "slot" (generally referring to an area within a set of boundaries). There were a lot of different ways to interpret this, like maybe he was referring to Decimal itself as a "secret playerbox/toybox" or possibly referring to the creative process for Decimal as "a place to secretly play around with the rules". In the end I just tried to put in something that made sense contextually to me.
"Metal bands" was literally something more like "metal chocks" or "metal wedges". I changed it to "bands" for clarity.
The text didn't initially have the explanation for the different types of clay figurines, I added those in for context. The initial translation looked like "I like clay figurines, clay figurines, and golems," so I felt like being more specific was necessary.
The word I translated as "analytical/analyzing" is literally 見極め, which means ascertainment, or as a verb, "to ascertain; to make sure of; to determine; to probe; to get to the bottom (of something)". I went with "analyzing" because "ascertaining" sounded a little awkward, though it admittedly loses out on some of the original meaning.
"Haywire" from "Haywire Mode" is a word that primarily seems to mean something along the lines of "reckless" or "rampage", but it also had another meaning of "runaway" as in a "runaway rocket" (i.e. an engineering project that becomes out of control). I went with "haywire" which leans more toward the second meaning, but (I hope) still retains the "reckless" vibes.
"Gotta love cost-effective manufacturing" was literally something more like "Love keeping costs low".
"Wind-up toy" was literally "self-propelled toy".
"External calculator bag" could have also been translated as "external computer bag".
Image ids:
[id: Four pages of concept art from the Triangle Strategy artbook centered around Decimal. The first page has a colored and uncolored version of its canon portrait, as well as a designer's note that reads, "The barrel robot Decimal is a character that we were aiming to make into a mascot, like 'Appling' from Bravely Second or 'Gwilym the Dragon' from Bravely Default II. I hope it becomes a character that everyone will love! (Ikushima Naoki)" and another that reads, "This is what we privately call 'playing fast and loose with the design framework'. Although it was difficult for Mr. Ikushima, he tackled it with great enthusiasm. (Asano Tomoya)".
On the second page there's another uncolored portrait of Decimal with different parts labeled, notably that the clockwork key on top of its head is made of aged brass (with the caption "Does the barrel turn it on its own!?"), the majority of its body is made of wood, and the metal joints and accents are made of "black-ish metal". There's a note that specifically asks the game artists to make sure the black metal bands around the barrel have high-contrast white highlights. Another small drawing shows a tankard merch design based off of Decimal. Some close ups of its hands show that the majority of them are wood, but the fingertips are metal. The bottom of Decimal's barrel is shown, and it's shown that its feet retract into its body during "standby mode", and the soles become part of the bottom of the barrel. Another diagram shows that the back of Decimal's hands cover the hole left behind by the shoulders when the arms are retracted. An illustrator's note at the bottom reads, "Now that I think about it, ever since I was a child I've liked dogū (clay figurines from the late Jōmon period), haniwa (hollow unglazed terracotta figures from the Kofun period), and golems, all of which have a simple, vacant 'huh, I wonder what they're thinking' kind of look. That might have unconsciously been reflected in my work…… it feels that way, at least. (Naoki Ikushima)".
On the third page, there are different iterations on Decimal's design, titled, "Analytical Doll (with Haywire Mode) Rough Draft". Some bullet points read, "Doll" and "Explore appropriate shapes that convey the ability to analyze". There's a collection of robots with large lens "eyes" that are labeled "Analyzing". The next collection of sketches are labeled "Adding charm while pondering the meaning of existence" and "Toy Knight". The sketches show a small nutcracker-esque doll with a wind-up key on the top. There are captions that read, "Originally a wind-up toy" and "Knight Automaton (Mechanical Puppet)". In one of the sketches the knight toy has a spyglass, labeled, "Analyzing Mode", and in another sketch it has a sword, labeled "Haywire Mode." The next collection of sketches feature a robot that resembles a maid, labeled, "Considering the role it plays and why it was made as a self-propelled system" and "Mechanical Serving Doll (Maid Robot)". Like the knight toy, it has a drawing where it's using a pair of binoculars, labeled, "Analyzing Mode", and another where it has red eyes and claws, labeled, "Haywire Mode." Next to the haywire drawing is the note, "As a waiter or maid, the ability to analyze was necessary to support and serve the master. The "haywire" function was an intensification of some of the functions for emergencies." The bottom portion of the page has many different sketches of vaguely computer-looking devices, labeled, "Collection of rough sketches for an arithmetic doll". At the bottom there are two illustrator's notes. One reads, "Initially I was given the theme of 'a doll that can analyze', and from that point on I was excited and started drawing. I also liked the 'Toy Knight' type on the top left of the page! (Naoki Ikushima)". The second reads, "This was us trying to find out how far we can deviate from the norm. (Tomoya Asano)".
On the fourth page, there are drawings that are more finalized rough drafts of Decimal's design. It's titled, "Analytical Arithmetic Doll - Design Proposal". At the top there's a note that reads, "A barrel-shaped doll that would fit in with a traveling merchant's wares". There are several drawings grouped together labeled "Basic Form", including a drawing of Decimal with a typewriter that folds out of its body which is labeled, "Keys on body for arithmetic". There are many sound effects to the effect of "click clack" around it. Another drawing of Decimal using a spyglass that folds out of its head is labeled "Analyzing" and has a slide whistle and "PLONK" sound effect, as well as a note that reads, "Uses scanner on head for analyzing". A drawing of Decimal with an arrow pointed to its foot reads, "The bottom of the barrel is a foot" (as opposed to a wheel which is used further down on the page). A cartoony drawing of Decimal going going berserk with flaming eyes and its body extended is labeled, "Haywire." Next to it is a drawing of Decimal with its arms and legs retracted, labeled "Standby Mode". There is also a short man who's placing a hat on Decimal's head, labeled "With the old man..." and "Receiving a hat". A section titled "Basic Ability Proposal" shows another earlier prototype Decimal with a pair of telescopic goggles than can be pulled down over its eyes, as well as a drawing of Decimal performing with a guitar in front of a crowd, with a peddler behind it laughing and saying "Bring customers to the market!" Another section titled "Barrel Idea Brainstorming" has a version of Decimal called "Crowd-Puller Costume Version" where it has a wheel instead of feet, the key is placed on the back, and in some drawings it has a calculator bag, a waistcoat, and a hat. There is a closeup of the wheel that shows that the wheel housing is a horseshoe. Another small drawing shows that Decimal's different segments should slide in the direction of whatever way it's headed. The last section shows a "Low-cost version" of Decimal which looks similar to its canon form. There are notes that read, "Gotta love cost-effective manufacturing!"; "Since the parts are separate, you can move them just by sliding"; "If you're going to rotate a turning key, it's more cost-effective to put it on top."; and "Equipped with built-in electronics". At the bottom are two more illustrator's notes. The first reads, "And here you can see, the barrel-shaped robot was the one where I went "yes, this is it!" In terms of the setting, it was a prototype of a movable doll, so it was supposed to represent the stage of experimentation when it finally moved after repeated tests using the various materials that were available. The appearance based on barrels, which are easily available in medieval cities, was an attempt to express "developing technology" that was not yet complete, but was charming. (Ikushima Naoki)" and "You know, I think it's appropriate that design and function be considered two of a set. (Asano Tomoya)" /end id]
#queue#triangle strategy#triangle strategy artbook#ts artbook character ref sheets#decimal#I LOVE DECIMAL SO MUCH. would have done these sheets a lot sooner were it not for the. four pages-ness of it all#interesting fact about decimal is that I'm not sure pronouns are ever used for decimal besides 'it'#(even in the internal data decimal gets the N gender which is also used for things like the title cards)#so I do try to use 'it' in this post#but I wonder if decimal would use something else if/when the wolffort army starts to recognize decimal as more of a person
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As some of you already know, I am disheartened- though certainly not surprised- by the recent backlash against one Sparrow Oak Garcia for his recent transgression of *checks notes* having a mixed-to-negative opinion on zoos.
Part of me honestly feels a bit silly responding to any of this, but what are any of us here to do if not have opinions on fictional podcast characters. Anyways, I will get to the more important stuff, as obviously (if you've seen any of the criticisms I'm talking about) this ties back to Hero at the end of the day, but seeing as the first wave of hate I saw after the episode was largely to the effect of: "what the fuck does Sparrow have against zoos?", I would like to start by addressing that point briefly (and only briefly, as it's really not the sort of topic I care to discuss online), by saying that zoos and animal captivity more generally have a long history of being contested and criticized by animal rights activists, and that instances of animal abuse and neglect within zoos and other animal-based theme parks are anything but obscure. Furthermore, it feels worth noting that as of present less than 10% of zoos in the US are AZA-accredited. I say absolutely none of this with the intention of making any definitive statements on the nature of zoos, nor to judge people who do enjoy zoos, nor even to provide my own feelings on the matter. Rather, I offer this information only to explain that someone like Sparrow taking issue with something like zoos really isn't strange at all? And whether you agree with such a stance or not, it undoubtedly comes from a place of empathy. Moreover, I don't think we can honestly divorce Sparrow's take and compulsion to voice it from the metacontext that Sparrow is a character being played by Anthony Burch, you know, a vegan, who probably has his own views on the matter that may or may not differ from yours and mine.
Okay, on to more important matters. At the forefront of things I suppose is the assertion that Sparrow's behavior regarding Normal and the zoo and all that is hypocritical and perhaps even nonsensical in light of what Hero was going through at the time with her training. "He wouldn't take Normal to the zoo but he forced Hero to kill a deer with her bare hands?" Certainly the sort of statement that will elicit a strong emotive reaction from the fandom, but one that ultimately relies on a pretty major assumption, namely, that Sparrow acted as the primary organizer and perpetrator of Hero's training, one who supposedly felt no internal conflict towards the situation whatsoever, rather than instead serving as an enabler of it, who ultimately intervened but only after far too much damage was already done. Neither is a great thing to be, but there is absolutely a difference between both of these roles, and I think that Lark and Sparrow's respective behaviors over the course of the season point almost unanimously towards Sparrow being the latter and Lark the former.
(The above being a non-exhaustive list, of course)
The funny part about the whole zoo thing is that it only further corroborates the notion that Sparrow is someone who is sensitive to the suffering of others, and by extension only serves as more evidence that he most likely was not the one actively making Hero undergo the worst of what she had to do. Does this make him guiltless in the matter? Absolutely not, but it does point to Sparrow having issues that are fundamentally different from Lark's, and means that the instance with the zoo is not only consistent with Sparrow's characterization, but frankly not actually all that hypocritical if you look at it for more than a second. That is, there is a very important but simple difference between the situation with Normal and the zoo and that of Hero and the deer that accounts for the variances in Sparrow's behavior between both cases: Lark. Sparrow isn't okay with either situation, based on all the evidence we have so far of who he is as a person there is absolutely no reason to think that Hero's training is not something that deeply upset him- I mean for fuck's sake everything about how Sparrow raised Normal down to his name stems from not wanting his kids to have to live that kind of life. So why doesn't he put a stop to things sooner? Why does he let any of Hero's training happen at all? Again, very simply, because Sparrow cannot say no to his brother. I mean, he does eventually, given Hero's current status, and that change is an important and still ongoing facet of Sparrow's growth and his arc, but at the start of things it is something he struggles with even more than he does now, to his own suffering and detriment and of course even more so to Hero's. But did Sparrow himself "force Hero to kill a deer with her bare hands"? Almost certainly not, and I have to admit that I find it quite frustrating how quickly Lark vanishes from the collective conscious of the fandom when the time comes to assign accountability for matters concerning Hero. But then, who is Sparrow if not someone who takes the fall for his brother, apparently even in the fandom-space.
[Not that there isn't any nuance to Lark's utilitarianism, either. In general I feel as though discussion of the twins' biggest mistakes too often omits the acknowledgement of the fact that all of it has been to stop an eldritch horror responsible for the death and torture of millions of people, but anyways. Not what this post is about.]
I think that's mostly it lol. Got some thoughts on the family's policy on pets (and how it relates to the Hero thing but also to Beanie actually), as well as some remarks on Rebecca and how we really shouldn't be leaving her out of this discussion (I say, leaving her out of this discussion) but eeehhhhhhh y'all I'm especially low energy as of late eheh and mostly just wanted to speak my peace on a couple major things so let's cut it here for now I think :b
#dndads#meant to post this a bit sooner but sleep and anxiety have been very bad lately :( -not related to this stuff lol#dungeons and daddies#sparrow oak#sparrow oak garcia#also posting this at an awful time as I am one to do but eh what can you do#long post#dndads s2 ep 41#baba babbles#<- remember when I said I would start using that talking tag then didn't????#hero oak#hero oak swallows garcia#normal oak#normal oak swallows garcia#names lmao gosh#lark oak#lark oak garcia#ask to tag#<- just in case given certain topics
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gamers... we've got a problem. and by 'we', I mean 'me'
#ash rambles 💚#so um. theres this character#very bad guy. kind of easy on the eyes. but still horrible. and for a very long time he's been popping up in my feed on every social media#that i have. and i was like 'wtf dude leave me alone'#and i said that i would NEVER fall for him because he is annoying and a genuinely bad persona#*person#and yet... why have i been... thinking about kissing him...?#he's gonna show up in the next y.akuza game and I'm a little scared to start#ive said that I'd NEVER fall for him. that I'd sooner punch myself than fall for him.#hopefully it'll just be attraction... him and an s/i would both be unattached adults.. I'm fine with things staying just physical#i think I'd die of embarrassment if i actually fell for him..#I'm not gonna fall for him....#i just keep thinking about pinning him down and making out and biting his neck and leaving plenty of marks#but. um. surely that means nothing......#this is bad... I'm not gonna fall for him. I'm not. i swear. nope. i refuse. please...#um. if you guys wanna guess... he's a y.akuza 3 character.#god I'm so embarrassed#actually. no. nothing to be embarrassed about because i DONT LIKE HIM#I'm not gonna fall for him! he's horrible!!!!!!#one night and thats it!!!!#stupid idiot guy taking over my thoughts... grrr...#you were beautiful 💸
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been thinking a lot about season 7 (which i normally don't do), and how if mulder hadn't been abducted, maybe they would have healed and a, well not normal, but normal for them life. they would have had considerably less trauma to deal with. maybe it wouldn't have taken until the revival years to learn how to communicate with each other.
thank you so much for coming to me with this <3
i think they had learned to communicate (pretty) well by iwtb...but they couldn't talk about william, not like they did in the revival. something i've noticed about scully is it takes a lot for her to talk about something. she struggles with that vulnerability a lot, and she retreats & isolates, and mulder tends to take her lead with it because he respects her and doesn't want to force her. we see traces of that in the first season but i think the most obvious time is the cancer arc, memento mori & elegy specifically. beyond the sea, irresistible, emily. he tries to let scully know it's okay to take care of herself, her feelings aren't wrong or bad, he's there for her. but she usually refuses it until she can't, or she's gained enough distance or made sense of it on her own.
one thing mulder & scully majorly have in common is they try to take care of everything on their own, but part of their coping is the work which puts the other in the middle of it every time. they didn't have that between season 9 & iwtb. scully eventually had her work as a doctor, where she tried to save children and it was killing her. mulder didn't have anything but scully and they had a shadow of the life they wanted with the grief of william hanging over them. it makes sense to me that we don't see that change until the revival, when they have to confront everything surrounding william. they've matured enough, they've learned to make sure the other understands/they understand the other, and they come back to the x files together after years of trying to move on & it not working. both of their answers lie in the x files.
i just don't think there's anything like giving up a child you desperately want and love. there's no blueprint for how to live with that, how to go on with your life. i'm sure at some point they resented each other, but i think they mostly blame themselves. they both struggle deeply with guilt and taking responsibility for things that aren't really their fault, or making a choice when every option they have is bad. they just did the best they could.
there are certain ways they've always communicated well (their cases), and ways they always struggled. they had to learn to say the things and you can see the progression through the whole series. they always told each other hard truths (and avoided samantha as much as possible). they had to learn the other's language and create their own. they had to share more than their work. they had to learn the other's desires & needs (and their own lol) and get on the same page. but part of communication is also being able to hear what the other has to say. they were always able to do that with the work, but to be able to hear & accept the responsibility they should take, that they have nothing to be sorry for, that it isn't their fault — with how deep losing william marks them, it just takes a while. two steps forward and three steps back, snake eating its own tail. like kae said once, "memorizing everything that someone has ever said can be a curse when you first have to hear it through your own perspective" which feels to me, like the crux of their miscommunication until they're able to look past that.
we've seen scully go to therapy, and they reference mulder taking medication in the revival. they had to figure some stuff out on their own before they could bring it back to each other & move forward. it's a harder road for them, with a lot of complex trauma. i was thinking last night that these two were never going to have a normal life, they're just not normal people and they purposely choose the paranormal, the x files. the very difficult road of helping the victims and trying to uncover & expose a global conspiracy. but genuinely, i think this is what makes them so compelling. their struggles, while set in a fantastic world, are still very relatable. the violence, abuse & violations, the loss, disease, infertility, medical abuse, etc etc.
and my thing is, like i think scully was always going to be abducted, mulder was too. (at least with how long the show was on.) it brings everything full circle, every loss & traumatic experience is shared, yet different because of when it happens and the different circumstances (like being a child vs an adult, not even partners vs in a relationship).
anyway. no idea what i said here. maybe they could have healed differently, but they would have been on the run with a baby and william would have been in danger the entire time. i think a split would have been inevitable. just a different kind of trauma & looming fear over them trying to protect william from their situation with the fbi & the conspiracy dangers.
#asks#mulder and scully#mulder abduction arc#william#txf revival#the x files#and literally thank you i really really appreciate this!!#also i'm not really disagreeing idk if that's clear?? i think it still would have been a very hard path#they would have had some more good times for sure#but i think the worrying about william would have started sooner & wouldn't have a drastic change on later events
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DUDE, I REACHED PERFECTION IN MY STARDEW VALLEY FARM HOLY SHIT. I CANNOT BELIEVE IT. I AM CRYING.
#MAX YELLING#stardew valley#sdv#omg!!!!!!!!!#we did it fellas!!!!!#i am in winter of year 4 btw if u were wondering!!!#i wish i started dedicating to make money faste4#faster*#i probably would have reached perfection sooner#but this was a great challenge omg
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Soulmates AU in which your soul is bounded to your soulmate's soul.
What does that mean exactly? That when you die, if your soulmate is still alive you can't move on. Instead your soul is stuck by your soulmate's side until they die too, so the two souls can become one in death. Depending on how strong the bond between the two is, one could see (and even interact!) with their deceased soulmate.
Now this but, you know by now, JeanMarco. With Marco waking up and the first thing he saw was Jean's terrified face while looking at the dead body- Marco's half eaten dead body. He learns it pretty quickly that he can't leave Jean's side, bound to follow his best friend around. He also learns that is possible for Jean to see and hear him during the ceremony of burning the fallen soldiers during Trost ; it lasted so little, too little for all the things Marco wanted to say. If he knew Jean was listening from the beginning, he would've started with exposing Reiner and Berthold right away. By the time he took notice that not only Jean was looking at him, but listening too, it was too late. Every other word from him was meet with silence, unheard by the living.
Isn't until the 57th expedition outside the walls that Marco learns that he can interact with Jean too, touch him. In his panic after Jean's failed attack on the Female Titan Marco didn't think and went straight to his best friend's side, touching his shoulder while looking for any injuries. Jean's eyes went straight to the place Marco's was touching, looking confused- until he followed the arm and saw Marco in front of his very own eyes. And just like everything, it lasted too little for Marco's liking. The Female Titan took hold of Reiner, crushing him in her hand, and Jean could no longer see him.
It was later, much much later than either of them would've liked, for Marco to understand how everything works. To know that he could only interact with Jean when his mind was filled with thoughts of Marco. By then Jean already began to move on, the secret of Reiner and Berthold's true selves already out. So Marco could only watch, unable to be there for his other half- for Jean.
And it was when they saw the ocean for the first time that Marco understood why he was truly stuck by Jean's side. When he saw his best friend having fun with the others and realized just how much he loves him. When he realizes that all he truly wants is to be by Jean's side, the way they promised each other to do during their training days.
Edit : Think of Ben and Klaus Hargreeves for easier visual.
#Jean starting to think of Marco less and less until he becomes a mere memory in the back of his head#While Marco keeps thinking of Jean more and more hoping for at least one more second together#Marco telling Jean to calm down while he's attacking Annie in her crystal and that being the only reason he even stopped :)#Them having so many small moments but Jean thinking he lost his fucking mind#Sometimes Marco's voice would tell Jean to dodge or something and Jean would hesitate one second- just for it to be the right call#Marco yelling 'Jean! Look out!' when Gabi gets inside the airship and Jean looks towards the entrance but is too late-#Gabi already shoot Sasha by then#Marco feeling SO GUILTY over it because he couldn't warm them sooner#But also Marco and Sasha chilling together because Sasha couldn't leave Connie's side either#And her describing to him all the food Niccolo has cooked for her! The taste and the different textures and the bright colors!#'Of course I love Connie! He's my other half my twin! You must love Jean very much too to be stuck by his side all this time!'#'Of course I do. He's my other half too. My everything' and that's when they realize that their situation isn't the same#That Marco's love for Jean wasn't the same as Sasha's love for Connie#anyway#aot#jean kirstein#jeanmarco#aot jean#marco bodt#marco bott#snk#aot marco#jean kirschstein#soulmate au#JeanMarco Soulmate AU#I mean it can be platonic if you truly want. But I don't want to so there's that lol#Hesitate no second*
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Have You Read This Web Novel?
Hyperthymesia. Those with this condition can remember every detail of their lives from something as significant as the world’s turning point to something as small and as insignificant as a minor fleeting thought. They cannot forget and their thirst for knowledge allows them to be considered genius in some senses. Legend has it that Ji Yushi was this kind of genius. In addition, it was said that he was gay and very beautiful. As soon as the news that he was going to support Tianqiong’s seventh squad broke out, it sent everyone buzzing. Everyone knew that the captain of the seventh squad, Song Qinglan, was a hoodlum and deeply homophobic. He not only relied on his super-powerful abilities to become the dark horse on the battlefield in less than two years, but he also hates it when those at the top forced a flower vase* into his squad. Sure enough, Song Qinglan announced in front of everyone, “Useful? Us brothers are going out there working ourselves to the bone, we don’t need a little genius who can only speedread quantum waves!” Later. The squad was forced into a dire situation during their mission. That beautiful little genius calmly continued, every gunfire hitting the mark, his fighting power peaking. Song Qinglan begged in front of everyone, “Adviser Ji, stay.” In the end, he added, “I’ll work myself to the bone for you.” ***** Ji Yushi had a secret. He would often be awake at night, suffering from memory overload and recurring nightmares. There was only one thing that could let him fall asleep peacefully. And that was Song Qinglan. *Flower vase: Someone who only looks pretty but can’t amount to much - Novel Updates
Additional Information: Carrd (CW: glitch effect), image/slides recommendation by imjustheretomooch, recommendation by aroacehanzawa (based on ORV), recomendación de bubbletecito (ES)
If you’re in the process of reading this web novel, please choose whichever option best fits your situation. You do not have to be completely finished with it to answer “yes.”
See similar polls and results here!
#mist unlimited#mist#薄雾[无限]#have you read this web novel#themed polls#polls#my polls#scheduled#ignore the more links than usual. I'm just less fond of the main summary than usual (actively made me NOT start Mist sooner)#'why don't you write your own summary then-' I would rather [redacted kim dokja-ism here]
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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