#i would have been gooped and gagged

[josukesfever]

technically finished on this side of the world, but Happy Amok Time Day to all who celebrate, i literally cannot believe they let kirk and spock dry hump each other on the sands of vulcan on national television in 1967 but boy am i glad they did

[crystalkitty1220]

I’m planning on making an incorrect summary of ibvs and this was one of the first ideas i had

THIS REMINDS ME OF THE TIME I WAS BORED IN CLASS AND WASTED LIKE TWENTY PAGES OF MY NOTEBOOK BY SCRIPTING A "IBVS IN A NUTSHELL" THING

tags are just me being nostalgic

[ahhhwomen]

How did R’s react when he ate sweets for the first time and how did Natasha and Wanda react?

a/n: I am very close to calling this its own chapter given the fact that it is 4.5k and I lost my mind trying to write it. Is it good? I don't know. Did I proff read it? Fuck no, I'm over this shit. Anyway, enjoy the girlie's first kiss ig.

Contains slight spoilers for unreleased chapters of Vampire Empire

Warning: Implied force-feeding, talk of vomit, food anxiety, gay simps

The goop inside your bowl is scarcely edible.

At least that’s what you think, not that it matters, you don’t have opinions.

Half of it clings to the sides of your bowl, strangely solid yet somehow entirely liquid, the other half of the sustenance is spilled and hanging off the bent metal´s side. The closer it gets to midnight, the worse it looks.

A whimper echoes against hollow walls and joins the wails of fellow prisoners as the shattering pain inside your jaw bares its ugly teeth at the thought of creaking itself open for the sludge that could be mistaken for concrete.

In the first few hours, it had a color close to desirable. Now, the color reminds you more of the ground stained with your bodily fluids, because much like your blood, dried grab slathers itself against the cold outside of your bowl.

Picture perfect representation of your life story: desired, if only for a moment.

The scarce portion left on the inside is like a heap of coagulated blood, it jiggles and splatters against the metal beside your cracked hands. You could almost swear it has a pulse of its own. Gasping for the same chilled air that burns your lungs, the traumatizing, grey, something, moves up and down- breathing.

Footsteps of a handler emit in the empty air, heavy like the raging rain, the clash of his boots forces you to move faster. Much like a hurt deer, you drag your body across the ground until you are close enough to grasp the cool metal and force its insides down your closing throat.

Your broken jaw shrieks and cracks as you use both your hands to split it open with a sickening crunch.

If only they cut away your sense of smell too, that way you might not gag as much while the thick liquid, with the stench of a dead body, gurgles itself down your throat. It's like swallowing a handful of sand mixed with the guts of a diseased fish.

At this point, starving yourself would be the better option, but there was no point. Unless you wanted a tube stuck down your throat tonight, you would have to stomach it yet another day.

Manicured nails wrap around the delicate throat of a wine glass. Red liquid, which will never quench her thirst, swirls gently as she rotates her wrist in a circular motion. The glass is chilled and smooth against her fingertips, a soothing distraction from her twisting thoughts.

It's almost humorous, most would be concerned if their pet didn’t eat, yet here she was, concerned that you did.

A frustrated sigh builds within her, crawling up her stomach until she has to fight the air she breathes, in an attempt to not startle you as you rest beside her outstretched feet. It's not that she wasn’t happy you ate her food, or that your lack of pickiness angered her, it was just weird.

No matter what she put in front of you, you would eat it but rarely look like you enjoyed it. Even the most lavish of meals would be regarded with horribly hidden cringing. With a sigh, Wanda leans forward slightly, being extra careful not to disturb you as she changes her position, she rests her elbow on the plush cushion to her left and mulls it over.

There had been multiple instances where you would end up serving the food right back up again after finally getting it down, a clear sign that you either didn’t like it or ate too much of it.

A frown settles over stern features at the memories.

Even after you would throw up, you would attempt to consume it again with a grim expression adoring your pale features. Luckily Wanda was always there to remove it before you could try a second time, but then you would look like a scolded child and hide yourself away for the rest of the day.

It's as if the very idea of leaving the damn food alone gave you a whole crisis.

So, that’s how she finds herself now, in dire need of a solution as your weight has been dropping rapidly due to the reverse your stomach so often does. She needs to find a way to make you understand that it's okay to dislike something and that it's also okay to express pleasure for certain foods.

With a huff, Wanda continues to swirl her wine gently, it swishes against the sides and glides into thick droplets before merging itself back into its voluminous state. The irony isn’t lost on the older redhead, she supposes it’s slightly amusing that the only drink she deems worthy of her time resembles her most addictive poison.

Drifting her gaze over to your sleeping form she can’t help but admire your neck for a moment, the smooth skin jumping up and down with the quirk of your sensitive pulse. Your vein is so close to her, ready at her disposal. Of course, she would never bite you, not until you were ready, yet she couldn’t help but fantasize every now and then…

Your heady taste coating her tongue and throat, Wanda inhales deeply as she watches you sleep, your scent burns like sweet bourbon. Much like your smell, she imagines your taste would be similar; rich, and sweet… Sweet.

Wanda almost has to refrain from an incredulous laugh as the thought strikes her like lightning, the most obvious choice of them all; sweets.

However, even with such a lethal weapon up her sleeve, there were still certain challenges that would follow.

Due to her preference for keeping your diet strict and healthy, she imagined you were quite unfamiliar with the concept of anything remotely sweet. She would have to do this carefully, not wanting food to become a point of stress for you, more than it already was, she needed to introduce the new taste with something you are familiar with.

Twirling the glass around Wanda stared down at the deep red in thought, her knitted sweater irked her slightly as it slid across her skin, following her motions. With a huff, she took a sip of her fruity wine, as it lathered itself against her tastebuds, a bolt struck her for the second time that night.

Fruits.

Wanda had seen Natasha attempt to introduce you to the foreign concept before. And though it ended with a rather grumpy you after Natasha tricked you into trying a lemon, you had seemed… happier with the simplicity of it rather than your dinners.

To be fair Natasha had only managed to convince you to try the simplest and most universal fruits, such as bananas and apples, and of course, that lemon- but that one also set Natasha’s progress back by a week as you refused to try anything else she offered you.

Wanda’s eyebrows knit as she thinks it over… so you do know how to deny food?

Then how come every time Wanda served you breakfast or dinner you would eat until you threw up?

Amid her deep loophole of theories, a cramp hit Wanda’s leg, unconsciously she moved it slightly to the left, toward you. It wasn’t until she watched your sleeping form arch away from her by instinct that she realized you truly don’t trust Wanda. At least not the way you do Natasha.

She really shouldn’t be surprised.. she had seen it endless times by now, but the idea that you would push your body to such lengths because of her was more devastating than she could ever imagine.

It pained her to think that you deemed force-feeding yourself the lesser evil of the situation.

Yet, that would have to be a problem to punish her mind with at a later date, the important thing now was to help bring stability to your life and diet. Even if you don’t trust her, you do seem to have some resemblance of trust toward Natasha, or well, at least after she swore never to trick you again, you do.

And though she can use that to her advantage, it doesn’t give an immediate resolution; Natasha was scarcely home before your bedtime and wouldn’t be able to serve you your breakfast or dinner, and it was important to Wanda that the routine they had built for you stayed solid as sudden change had caused quite a few mishaps in the past.

So, as the businesswoman Wanda is, she starts mentally preparing a game plan for tonight and sends a quick text to Natasha, asking her to pick up a little something before returning home.

If this worked in her favor, it could strengthen your trust in her, which would in return at least start the path to recover some of your weight.

A few hours later, you and Wanda had long since abandoned your napping spots on the couch in favor of slipping into your own corners of the house. The older woman in her office and you, most likely, under a piece of tucked away furniture where you knew you wouldn’t be disturbed.

The door opens with a silent twist of the expensive, vintage, handle. Natasha cringes as her boots drag across the carpet, she had warned Wanda against installing it right next to the main door, but her wife wasn’t easily persuaded. Sure enough, as soil splatters itself in distinctive Natasha-pressed footprints, Natasha knows she will be in trouble in about ten seconds.

1…

Nat discards her dirty work shoes on the little shelf to her left, leaving another muddy print on the metal.

2…

Fixing the grocery bag around her shoulder Natasha wonders what wicked plan Wanda has planned for the three of you tonight.

3…

The older redhead didn’t have to tell her wife that she was hashing out a plan, Natasha could figure it out just due to one of the items she was instructed to buy.

4…

It’s not as if her wife doesn’t like this item, it’s just that she never really requests it, and least of all so late and out of the blue.

5… 6… 7…

As the seconds tick by without a single sound from her wife, Natasha gets a little confused. Usually, Wanda would always be there to welcome her home and reprimand her for bringing in her dirty shoes.

8… 9…

Today, however, it seems her wife must be preoccupied with her little plan.

10.

“What have I told you about bringing your dirty shoes inside?”

Natasha almost jumps out of her skin when she feels the words breathe down her neck. Turning around in a millisecond, she sees Wanda smirk at her while she leans against the door.

“Jesus Wanda, you really have to stop doing that! One day I am going to have a heart attack!” Rich laughter travels through Natasha’s ears as Wanda sinks deeper against the door in her fit of indulgent giggles while she shakes her head at her wife’s spooked expression.  

Pushing herself away from the expensive oak, she slides her hands around her wife’s waist and nuzzles into Natasha’s neck, mouthing the words against her, “Darling, you don’t have a heart.” Natasha huffs but leans her head more to the left, giving Wanda space to kiss and bite as she sees fit.

“Not true…” The younger redhead mumbles it mostly to herself and Wanda simply hums against her as she drags the point of her canines slowly down from beneath Nat´s ear and down to her thoracic outlet.

Red, angry, lines form as she can’t help but add a little pressure behind the drag, feeling Nat’s pulse jump and hammer right beneath her tongue. Barley refraining from sinking her teeth in, Wanda releases Natasha with a sigh and one last kiss to the junction between her neck and shoulder.

Natasha attempts to lean back in hopes of gaining contact again, but there is no point. Before she can even blink, Wanda is halfway across the hallway, holding the bag Nat just had within her grasp.

“Not fair.” The younger woman whispers to herself and pretends not to see the smirk her wife sends her way.

Dark red heels click against the marble flooring as the rustle of plastic echoes within their space, “Find kitten and bring her to the living room, please.” The plea is more for show than anything, Wanda is more than aware that her wife can’t say no to her.

The grumbled, “Yes, ma’am”, is ignored as Wanda has already made her way out of sight before Natasha can get the words out.

With a huff and a quick check of her watch, Natasha makes her way upstairs to find the little culprit.

If anyone were to ask you, you would say Natasha Romanoff was a witch.

It’s the only palpable explanation as to how she always knows where you are, at least that’s what you think as you can hear her knock on the dresser you were napping under.

The bone knocks against the wood in a ticking manner, one knock, two knocks, and at last a rasp against the oak as she lets her hand drag across the dresser. It’s a heavy yet light sound that calls out to you as you are tempted to peek your head out and question her on her witch-like abilities.

You refrain from doing so and for a moment your body is unsure whether to be impressed or panicked at how easily she can predict you.

The cold floor beneath the dresser is tempting to melt into and never return from as you can hear her light steps drag across the floor beside you, any second now you know you will see her eyes look right through the darkness and find their resting place on you.  

Facing the world wasn’t something you wanted to do at this moment.

And yet, it never comes…

When you turn your head and expect to see cat-like eyes staring back at you from outside the dark corners surrounding you, you are surprised to instead see her sock-clad feet with strange plastic eyes plastered onto them.

The little black pupils rattle against her movements as she curls her feet in a manner that makes the strange sock creature look as if it’s been caught and feels guilty. It looks a little silly and you honestly don’t know how to react to the absurdity of it, so without realizing it a sweet giggle slips out before you can stop it.

Oh no…

When the realization of what you have just done settles within your storming thoughts you have half the mind to slap your hand across your mouth and pray that the older woman didn’t hear it, but as you hear a pleased huff of breath above you, you know you have been caught.

Natasha kneels down until she can peek under the dresser to where your scared eyes study her. She knew to keep her reactions to a minimum, but as soon as she heard your gleeful expression, Natasha had to use every ounce of willpower not to coo.

“Hey baby,” Nat smiles at you as you bite your lip, unsure of her reaction to your slip of judgment, you hold back the pleased grumble building within your chest at her smooth tone.

It ends up being one hell of a task to get you out of there, Natasha has to swear up and down that, your little slip-up didn’t anger her, and then she has to spend the next ten minutes waiting for you to peak your head out.

But, after a bit of coaxing, Natasha can hear your palms lightly slap against the flooring as you follow her a few steps behind. The dig of the wood beneath her feet lets her know that they should invest in some more carpets, or perhaps mats, as this could surely not be good for your weak joints.

The redhead walks in a leisurely stroll, letting you stay close yet still have the desired distance as you pitter-patter behind her.

When the plush carpet molds itself to her stance, Natasha’s movements come to a halt. She stops short of the couch, watching her wife sit in a rather relaxed pose. With her hands stretched out at the top of the cushions, she sits with her chin held high and her rump sunken low.

Natasha almost snickers at her wife’s overly dominant presence, but something about the look in Wanda’s eyes tells her to sit this one out and wait for further instructions.

Wanda observes the both of you as you present yourselves before her watchful eyes. You stay low, crawling forward just enough to satisfy the scary lady. The older redhead’s skin itches with the need to smirk as you crawl toward the both of them, something primal within her, pleased.

Humming, to soothe both her wife and you, Wanda directs her attention to Natasha as her wife waits for an explanation.

She wants to drag it out and make Nat guess as much as you will have to.

This will be a game of trust after all. The need to tease her wife is strong, so, Wanda does as she pleases.

Lifting her pointer, she waves it around in the air for a moment, building a little suspense as the whirlwind swirls around her aura, and then she points over to the living room table.

Atop the table is a plate of sliced apples covered in chocolate, placed deliberately outside of your view.

As Natasha directs her sight to whatever it is Wanda is showing off, you can’t help but try and sneak in a peak yourself. However, much to your disappointment, the item, or whatever it is, is sat just high enough on the table to where you can’t see from your kneeled-down position.

Someone may call you paranoid, but to you, it all seems awfully intentional on the clan leader’s end.

The waving pointer is redirected to you as Natasha smirks for whatever reason while she turns back toward her wife. With a pleasant, and a little scary, smile, Wanda eases your tension as she tilts her head to the side in adoration before ordering her wife to, “Give her a taste, darling.”

Your eyes travel up to the redhead beside you as she moves away for a moment only to return with a platter with some sort of brown rocks on top of it. They make a strange crackling noise as Natasha places it down on the small table in front of the both of you.

Then, a hand comes into view as Natasha heeds her wife’s commands.

Pale, cold, fingertips are wrapped around the strange item that you figure must be some sort of food given the clan leader’s figure of speech, but you aren’t entirely convinced as you view it with uncertainty.

However, the fight is futile as you look up to the tall redhead in questioning hesitance, she smiles gently and as much as it annoys you, you are what the two older women have previously referred to as a “goner”.

Taking a hesitant bite, the crunch of the apple is slightly muted by the strange crackling layer of chocolate. It takes a few bites before the flavor hits you. Chewing slowly, it lies bare for your raw tastebuds to reap, gliding and emerging with your senses.

As your jaw creaks in displeasure, you focus on the heaviness of the treat.

It’s rich at first, almost overwhelming you with its sweetness. It reminds you of wintertime when the bakery just a few streets down from the shelter would emit the most beautiful of smells. It brings you back to the cold nights when you would lay, naked and bruised, beneath your red lamp and envision yourself inside the bakery. Stuffing your face with whatever you might desire.

Weak bones fight themselves as you gorge on the sugary addiction, it sticks to your gums and sneaks its way into the most stubborn corners of your teeth, making a distinctive smacking noise as you bite down repeatedly.

Then the flavor settles, it’s a more muted and pleasantly balanced mix of delightful, creamy, sugar and slightly sour apple. Your jaw works deftly, moving up and down in an unsure manner.

It tastes… good.

It tastes wonderful.

Amazing even.

Perhaps the best thing you have ever eaten. Which all makes you feel like a fool…

It tastes like everything you were ever denied.

Therefore, you sit and wait.

While Natasha and Wanda sit before you with bated breaths, slightly confused by your lack of reaction, you just look at them with beady eyes filled with… betrayal?

It cuts deep, as if your emotions slice through any physical or emotional armor that may surround the two not-so-human creatures. Pain oozes inside their slowly beating hearts as the ice perishes and hot molten burns through their veins until horror takes place.

Wanda is on the ground in front of you before you can even blink.

“Oh, baby…” She leans forward, shifting her weight onto her palms as she rests them beside her bent knees, lowering her torso toward the wooden floor as she crawls toward you. Her shirt rolls up at the action, untucking itself and riding up her back until a sliver of pale flesh showcases itself, but she doesn’t care, instead, she keeps going, slowly.

You tense at the movement, unsure of yourself, you cower away from her, for every inch she advances, you slither back. Deep down you know Wanda would never hurt you, but you also know that if she ever were to desire your misery; she would be far worse than Master.

Calm eyes track your motions as you crawl away from her in a rather desperate fashion, the fact that it does not seem to deter her from getting any closer makes the panic, creeping up your throat, raw and painful as the taste of acid coats itself over sensitive tastebuds.

Sensing your oncoming panic, Wanda stops, for the time being, sitting back on her heels, she makes a show of resting her hands on top of her thighs. Her fingers glide over the material of her fancy-dress pants silently, the ruffles and stretching of the material calm you for a reason you cannot explain.

Little confused, wooden tiles burrow into you as you settle your rump down against them, letting the anxiety simmer and calm before seeking eye contact in an uncertain question. Your head tilting slightly to the left, you wait for her to illuminate her sudden display of surrender and levelheaded dominance.

Perhaps she just wanted first-row seats to your pathetic reaction.

Whatever they put in the dessert is sure to kick in soon.

“Ah…” Wanda hums as she views your saddened eyes up close.

“Natasha. Hand me that would you?” Natasha, who had been sitting rather shell-shocked for the past few moments as her wife hunted you down, shakes it off and tilts her head in confusion for a moment before realization settles in.

With a huff, something mixed with relief and disbelief, Natasha hands over the half-eaten chocolate-covered apple slice that had just been fed to you.

The half-melted chocolate covers the expanses of Wanda’s fingertips as she holds it out for you to see. Then, before you can get nervous about having to eat another piece, it disappears as Wanda puts it in her own mouth instead.

For a moment after you just stare.

Watching as her jaw works before your very eyes, you still can’t help but wait for a sudden change, a frown to deepen, or a foul sound as the flavor takes over the older woman’s senses.

Yet, it never comes.

Small crinkles form around Wanda’s eyes as she chews, they move up and down, changing together with her muscle’s expansion and retraction. They stay consistent with every motion, never faltering in its path.

Like tiny wrinkles on a sheet of paper, it smoothens once she finishes her piece. Letting out a pleased sigh as she does so, clearly delighted by the sweet treat.

And like the snapping apple piece.

You break.

It’s like raindrops against a windshield, almost a question of what tears will win as riveting streams trickle down your chin at an alarming rate. It’s nothing like the few traitorous tears that the redheads have been privy to, no it’s like a raging storm as you hiccup in sorrow at the prospect of respect.

At the sight, Natasha draws in a weary hiss, yet Wanda doesn’t seem to change much at all.

There is no pity in her eyes while she closes in, only determination as she slides another apple piece halfway inside her own mouth and lessens the distance. Too distracted by your own sudden outburst, you don’t even realize what is happening until chocolate grazes your lips as the redhead waits for permission while resting her lips only a few centimeters from your own.

The sudden action shocks you to such degree that you have nodded consent before you understand what that may mean.

Smooth, soft, lips press against your chapped ones, a sweet delight getting slid into your mouth and mixing with the rose that invades your nostrils. A slight string of spit is split between the two of you as Wanda uses her hot tongue to push the piece all the way into your mouth. You both stay like that for a moment, Wanda gazing into your eyes while you stare bashfully into hers.

Yet, just as quick as it happened, it’s gone again… And much to your own surprise, that may be the saddest part of the entire day.

But you can’t be sad for too long as gentle fingers wipe your tears away and a deeper voice asks if you want another piece.

So, this is why the two redheads like kissing so much. You think to yourself as Natasha kisses you with just as much worship as her wife had while the chocolaty goodness seems irrelevant.

They continue it like that back and forth. Wanda gives you one piece, then Natasha, then they share a piece, and so on. It still takes you a while for the tenseness inside your muscles to loosen, but toward the end, you are eager for each piece and wait with impatient eyes as the redheads share some.

It may not have been an immediate fix, but Wanda is more than happy with the result of her little test. For now, Wanda will lessen your portions until you seem happier, and she will have to look out for signs of your dislikes, but if all goes according to plan, with a little help from a secret sugary treat, and maybe a kiss here and there, your trust in her should build to be strong.

Even stronger than Natasha’s if Wanda gets her way.

Which she always does.

[mj-iza-writer]

Whumptober Day 4

Hallucinations - Hypnosis - Sensory Deprivation - "You're still alive in my Head" (Billy Lockett, More.)

I don't see a lot of Ghost Whump, I love hauntings so much.

Whumper had been arrested, and was now awaiting court dates. An investigation was being conducted so he had a while to wait.

Police had been tipped off about violent noises coming from Whumper's home.

Police got there as quickly as they could, but it seemed to be too late for Whumpee.

Whumpee lay in a puddle of their own blood. Stab wounds covered their body... some more critical than others.

Whumper sat on the couch watching the body... knife still in hand.

Police made the arrest... Whumper went quietly.

"I'll have to figure out who tipped off the police", Whumper frowned as they waited in solitary, "if I ever get out of here."

They were deemed too dangerous to be anywhere else.

A flash of something caught Whumper's attention, but it was gone as quick as it was there.

"What was that?", Whumper frowned, "it almost looked like.... nah! I'm hallucinating."

That night, Whumper tried to sleep. It wasn't easy as the lights were left on.

Something moved from one side of their cell to the other and seemed to disappear into the wall.

"Whumpee?", Whumper jumped up.

Throughout the night Whumper had several nightmares. By morning they were rocking back and forth in the corner of the cell.

They could barely eat breakfast, but with the threat of force feeding they gagged down the food.

Solitary confinement was boring. The guards didn't interact often enough.

The guards knew what Whumper did. All of them agreed they belonged on death row.

The only time guards would interact with Whumper was when they would cry out for help because someone was in their cell with them.

The guards figured Whumper was losing their mind. They showed no sympathy though. Whumper didn't deserve it.

That night Whumper tried to rest, they were lightly sleeping when they had this dream.

Whumpee stood in the cell with them. Still covered in the stab wounds. Blood dripped from their body. Black goop flooded from their eyes like they had been crying constantly. Whumpee was talking... no yelling... but no sound. Whumpee approached the bed, something metal suddenly glistened in their hand. Whumpee lifted their arms in preparation to stab.

Whumper jolted awake before the knife went into them.

They yelled for the guards.

"What do you want?", a guard approached.

"Please I need help, they-theyre haunting me", Whumper gasped, "I killed them and they're haunting me. Tr-trying to kill me."

"For what you did to, I might agree with them", the guard chuckled, "I don't think you deserve sympathy or forgiveness, but why don't you try apologizing to the ghost."

Whumper nodded weakly, this haunting was seriously affecting them. They never felt so tired or scared in their life.

Whumper looked around the cell, "Whumpee I'm sorry", they begged, "I'm so sorry. Please forgive me", tears fell from their eyes as they pleaded.

The rest of the night, Whumper could hear Whumpee's yelling ringing in their ear.

They were fairly certain they didn't receive forgiveness from Whumpee.

The next night though was quiet, Whumper was even able to get a full night of sleep. The first since they were imprisoned.

Whumpee's eyes fluttered open weakly. They were too tired to care about where they were.

A gentle hand rested on Whumpee's arm.

Whumpee took in how warm it felt.

"Where am I?", Whumpee whispered.

"You are in the hospital. Do you remember anything?", a voice came from beside them. They were too weak to look around.

"I, um, I got stabbed.... I think", Whumpee whispered, "I thought I died. I was waiting for my body to catch up with me."

"You were very close", the voice comforted, "it took a lot of people. Highly trained people to get you to this point. You've been in a coma for a few days just so your body could heal."

"Whumper's in prison?", Whumpee turned toward the voice.

"Yes", the person nodded, "don't move a lot, you are still in bad shape. How did you know."

"It feels like I was there with them", Whumpee frowned, "who are you?"

"I'm Caretaker, I was put in charge of taking care of you for as long as you need me to", Caretaker smiled, but was startled by this. They recalled the guards mentioning Whumper's issues.

"Whumper doesn't know you're alive currently. We want to surprise them at their court hearing", Caretaker stood, "I will tell you more later. For right now, you need to rest. Here take a drink."

"Okay", Whumpee nodded, "thankyou."

A week went by. Besides boredom, Whumper was very happy to be rid of the ghostly visitor.

They were also elated to hear their first court date was scheduled soon.

Whumper sat in the courtroom, heavily shackled. Their lawyer was talking with him about a few things before the hearing started.

Whumper watched as a bigger computer was set in the witness stand. It was turned to the judge and jury first.

"Can I say a cuss word?", a small, weak voice came from the computer.

"For ehat you've been through, I will allow", the judge winked at the screen and watched as the computer was turned to the crows.

Caretaker was sitting in front of the judge as well. A stand in for Whumpee because of how weak Whumpee still was. All their notes neatly set to read over when their time came to talk.

Caretaker side eyed Whumper as the realization hit Whumper.

Whumper went pale.

"I lived Mother Fucker", Whumpee stated as strongly as they could.

The judge couldn't help but chuckled.

Without hearing anything else the judge slammed their gavel on the desk.

"Guilty", the judge stated.

Whumper was zoned out at the point.

Whumper sat in the bed of the death row floor.

"Whu-Whumpee lived?", was all Whumper would whisper as they slowly went mad, "Whu-Whumpee lived?"

Taglist. As always please let me know if you want to be added or taken off of the list. It's not a problem at all.

@villainsandheroes @the-beasts-have-arrived

@sacredwrath @porschethemermaid

@monarchthefirst @generic-whumperz

@bloodyandfrightened @freefallingup13

@notpeppermint @cyborg0109

@idontreallyexistyet

@painfulplots @whumpbump

@everythingsscary @skittles-the-whumpee

@expressionless-fr @theforeverdyingperson

@legendarydelusiongoatee @candleshopmenace

@whumpanthems @lavndvrr

@ivymyers @starfields08000

@a-living-canvas @lumpofsand

@watermeezer @indigoviolet311

@whumpy-mountains @3-2-whump

@risk606 @electrons2006

@paperprinxe @whumprince

@kaz-of-crows @mis-graves

@decaffeinatedtimetraveler94 @sausages-things

@ragin-cajun-fangirl @isikedmyself878

@daffyduckcommittedtaxfraud @valravnthefrenchie

@glennemerald @jasperthecapser

@does-directions @deafeninglittlecrown

[they-lived]

The Veilguard Post

I have a lot of thoughts about the new Dragon Age game.

Spoilers for all games and critical analysis below (and I do mean critical I have some nice things to say and some really not nice things to say) if you’re not here for that kind of content then keep scrolling….

Alright now that we’re alone, my beloved, I have some big thoughts about this game.

First, let me introduce myself as a Dragon Age player. Years ago I started trying to play Inquisition because I wanted to play my first real big kid game (I was like… 15 I think) but I was very lost so I went to my brother who gave me Origins and his copy of DA2 and told me to ask him if I had any questions.

I played over 500 hours of Origins - I played every origin, romanced every companion, played every angle and got every single stinking achievement the game had on offer INCLUDING all of the DLC achievements. I loved the hell out of that game and honestly still believe it is one of the best games I’ve ever played. It taught me how to mod! I love modding my games now and she’s the reason!

I didn’t love DA2 nearly as much but I still enjoyed parts of it. Honestly, if the game had ended after Act 2 I would have probably loved it just as much, I just feel like it doesn’t hold its drama very well at the end and truly if the Anders confrontation had more gravitas to it I would have enjoyed it a lot more. For context, I’ve only played her three times but I did help my sister play through all three games in their entirety. So to be clear I have played through romances for Fenris, Sebastian, and Isabela, and my sister romanced Anders (yes I did watch Merril’s romance so I do know what happens in that one as well).

Inquisition was my pandemic game, I played the hell out of her. I have easily clocked close to a thousand hours in that game between all five playthroughs because I was mentally unwell during the pandemic lol, but I digress. I played that game as much as I could, modded it to high heaven and unplayability frankly. I romanced Cullen, Dorian, Cassandra, Bull, and Solas (if I go back and do another playthrough which is likely at this point, frankly, I’m open to doing Josephine or Blackwall). Trespasser is an all-timer for me, one of the best DLC expansions I have ever seen, I was gagged, gooped, dead and deceased on the FLOOR.

All of this to say, my love for these games runs deep (I have a whole world in mind that I may one day bring myself to fully write but alas… Idk man shit’s hard). I wrote fan fic for this world and I cherish it deeply.

So… Veilguard… honestly, I was expecting it to be worse, I was expecting to hate it. I went in knowing it had been stuck in production hell for 10 years, had cycled through writers and layoffs, you name it, they suffered through it. But while what we got was not terrible… it was not great either.

I will say, I enjoyed some quests and some ideas in there. Here’s a short list:

The siege at Weisshaupt was a treasure, it even made me briefly enjoy gameplay! (I universally play on easy mode but this one felt smart)

Solas being inside of your head when you’re trying to get to Elgar’nan’s arch demon was dope as hell

All of Emmrich’s quest was exceptional, especially the ending was firing on all cylinders. Truly a great quest

When I got Lucanis romance it was pretty stellar (just lacking in content which we’ll get to)

Honestly, having my romanced inquisitor ending was satisfying for me. Really, I was getting the flutters in my heart watching it.

Ok so… now lets get into why you’re really here, the disappointments. In ten parts because I have too much to say apparently.

Let’s start with the art: I know some people love what they did with the art style and I will say I appreciate that they stuck with the style throughout and made the game feel cohesive… I still felt like it was too fortnite cartoon-y for what I prefer in a Dragon Age game.

Second: The companions… I feel like… I feel like this was ‘therap-ize your friends’ the game at times. The amount of times I only responded with ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘you’re allowed to feel that way’ or ‘this is hard’ was so often I genuinely wondered at times if it was the same sound bite being played every time.

I heard someone say that you can’t even be mean in this game and I-... they’re right… you can’t really be mean in this game. I can’t unsee it. And this is coming from someone who played a full evil campaign of Baulder’s Gate 3 and had to play a sixth time to cleanse my soul after being a meanie and feeling dirty about it… I believe being evil and cruel (or at least being a dick) is kind of essential in an RPG and I personally feel like you should be able to disagree with your companions and make them hate you.

I don’t recruit Sera anymore because she bothers me, I don’t love Merril or Fenris and I straight up hate Morrigan (more on this later) and Oghren, and the games before allowed me to be a bitch to them if I wanted to.

In this game I vaguely like my companions but they all feel like ideas and not people. I didn’t like Sera but she felt like a person, so did Merril and Morrigan - they’re people and I don’t like every person. My least favorite companion in this game is Neve and she’s not offensively bad, just a vague idea of a cynical detective who fights the man and doesn’t take anyone’s shit… but beyond that… nothing.

We spend a lot of the companion quests just kind of… walking around and talking to them… but I feel like I don’t actually learn about them. I think that half of my companions avoid this - Davrin, Harding, and Emmrich feel like fully realized characters with passions and history. Their walk and talk quests felt more immersive and like I was genuinely learning about a new friend and I enjoyed it but too few of my companions sucked me in this way.

Bellara constantly talks about how hard things are and how much she misses her brother (and also her romance serials which are my favorite interactions with her). Taash’s mother is the most interesting part about them and their arc is just not very compelling (or tied to basically anything else happening in the game beyond the Dragon King is working with the evanuris but I digress). And Lucanis… dear sweet Lucanis you had so much potential but they stuck you in a predictable story and gave Spite no actual substance. Also apparently Spite is a spirit of determination which I had to find out from Solas at the end of the game… like huh? What? Excuse me? Why wasn’t that explored more? That's a fascinating concept.

Who are these people? They’re just kind of… vaguely awkward, supposedly good at their jobs, and wasted potential.

I think that’s what it comes down to for me. There’s so much potential to have really interesting characters here. If you want me to do a deep dive on how I would re-write these characters let me know maybe I’ll do it lol. This post is already long enough.

Third: Romance full disclosure, I fall into the category of - I want my RPG to also be a dating sim - so this one I get is not everyone’s cup of tea… that having been said the romances in this game are really lacking. Not only are they flat or uninteresting there is practically no content!

I romanced Lucanis and I genuinely mean this - when I did get romantic scenes with him I loved them. They were sweet and tender but so few and far between it didn’t feel earned. I loved the scene after being pulled out of the Fade prison - I replayed it like six times. I felt like it was so sweet and so well executed and I craved more of that.

Watching the other romances it’s clear that this game lacks content for the romances, full stop. Everyone gets a grand total of about half an hour of content for their romance start to finish. And like… huh? Why? Dragon Age is known for its romances! Even the more surface level romances in other games have more going for them!

Sebastian’s romance is easily the weakest romance in any DA game and I think that his romance somehow still has more content that’s actually romantic than any of Veilgaurd’s… and listen I know I’m the rare Sebastian defender but his rival-mance (the superior option imo) requires you to challenge him and his faith. It’s interesting, it’s got substance and grit and is thought provoking… Veilgaurd doesn’t offer that.

I’ve watched all the romances at this point and it seems that - once again - Emmrich has the most content. Davrin and Harding are close behind, but all of them still lack true romance. Half the time the flirtatious option just reads as being nice and there’s so little pay off that arguing these romances are slow burn is dead on arrival in my opinion.

Not to mention that most of the romantic scenes are interrupted by something goofy or awkward. Lucanis, Neve, and Emmrich all have kisses that are interrupted for one reason or another and frankly I didn’t care for it. It felt like padding and I want my romances to be more present.

Fourth: And this one is big for me. Your choices basically don’t matter… like at all.

I need it to be known that my friends and I regularly call big choices in our DnD games ‘Dragon Age choices’ these games are hugely influential in how we run our DnD games. We love a morally gray, ambiguous, ‘things will never be perfect make the choice you can live with’ type of stakes. And this game frankly has none.

There are three big choices in this game - by my count - and none of them have weight or substance. The only companion that has one even remotely close to the other games is Emmrich’s - which I will admit took me all the way the fuck out and I genuinely couldn’t decide if we should resurrect Manfred or let Emmrich become immortal. I was floored by his quest in general.

Anyway, big ‘choices’ in this game are as follows:

Save Minrathous or Treviso

Punch the First Warden or talk him down

Let Harding or Davrin Live

So following my first playthrough I knew I wanted to romance Lucanis so I saved Treviso and I was initially taken aback by how fucked things were in Minrathous… except they’re not really that fucked to be honest. Yes the venatori took over… and yes the Shadow Dragons go into hiding… but you still have access to the dragons and the Viper - even infected with blight - lives throughout the rest of the damn game.

Like… huh? I thought this would be pivotal. In Origins once you leave Lothering you literally cannot return because the blight is beyond devastating. It’s horrific, blight sickness is so horrible that in DA2 you have to kill Aveline’s husband and one of your siblings either dies or becomes a warden, it’s so bad that nothing can be done about it. But the Viper just casually sticks around for the rest of the game and the Shadow Dragons can still help you in the end. Not to mention that either Bellara or Neve can be cured of the blight at the end of the game for some reason…

Can you imagine in Inquisition if you still got to hang out with the Templars after Samson absolutely decimates them? Like… that would simply not happen and I like that each game gets a different minor villain and ending based on your choices, it’s juicy, it’s diabolical, it’s interesting. It inspires further investigation and playthroughs.

I understand that not every choice can matter in a video game because then a game would just be impossible to play and that’s what DnD is for… but BG3 did just fine and they have dozens of choices that really matter (note I have clocked 700 hours in BG3 over 7 playthroughs including evil playthroughs). Within the franchise you have dozens of choices that really matter. Hell in Origins the Redcliff quest has about four different endings at least, depending on how and when you do it. We’re not asking for a lot, we’re asking for what is honestly, at this point, an industry standard for an RPG.

Punching the First Warden or not is such a minor decision all things considered that like… it genuinely baffles me that it’s even a choice at all because even when you knock his ass out cold he still staggers back to the fight and gets pulled into the abyss. Sure, you’ll see him later in Davrin’s quest and he can react differently to you based on this choice but there’s just… no weight to it. The Wardens still help you, you cannot lock yourself out of any of the factions, you can please everyone. Which I love doing in a DA game don’t get me wrong - but it’s much more satisfying when I have to work for a good ending where everyone’s happy.

I think of Redcliff in Origins or Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts in Inquisition, these quests have choices that matter and you have to work to make sure you get the ending you want. Saving Isolde and Connor in Redcliff takes work; getting the exact right combo of rulers in Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts, takes work. It’s not easily handed to you, you have to pursue it by interacting with the world around you and understanding what’s actually going on.

The Harding vs. Davrin choice is so cheap and I really have no other way to describe it. First, we have no reason to believe that this choice will lead to the death of our companion, especially since we’ve spent all this time making sure we level them up and follow their quest lines to their end. But that doesn’t matter, it feels like it was done for shock value more than a story reason. It’s not even really brought up again except for brief mentions in the Lighthouse before the final march. They’re also the only ones who get locked into this type of ending which makes it feel even cheaper!

Neve and Bellara can be saved even after being infected with the blight and no I’m not over it! It’s just a real slap in the face that Davrin or Harding - two of the best characters in the game imo - are sent to their death for what feels like no reason except that… checks notes… their idea was better in your opinion? They don’t even die on their side mission, they die WITH YOU IN A CUT SCENE. It doesn’t matter what you do, one of them will die and I wouldn’t mind that except… no one else is ever put into this kind of peril.

It also feels like no other choice I made up until that point matters. It doesn’t matter that Davrin and I chose to release the Griffons to forge a new path, it doesn’t matter that Harding chose forgiveness instead of being consumed by the rage of her ancestors. It doesn’t matter that we helped the gray wardens or that I asked Harding about the inquisition or that I took them on any number of side quests, it doesn’t matter if you romance them.

You just pick which of them you don’t mind finishing the game without and that’s that. It’s grinding my gears the more I think about it so let's move on.

Fifth: The Morrigan of it all… Okay, full disclosure, I’m a Morrigan hater. I find her romance in Origins gross, I think it’s stupid she became an advisor to the Orlesian Empress in Inquisition (homegirl was raised in a swamp, what do you MEAN she’s an advisor to the Empress!?!?), and I hate that her solution to your problems is trust me intrinsically and also let me have sex with someone who expressly does not want to. BUT I truly did enjoy the Mythal lore and Morrigan becoming Mythal is interesting.

Just one itsy-bitsy problem is that I just spent three whole games spanning in-game decades trying to make sure this didn’t fucking happen. And yet, here we are, with this… happening. Ooooo Bioware when I catch you it’s on SIGHT. Not only does this make everything else you did with her feel like a colossal waste of time… it ultimately feels like nothing mattered. Who cares if I spent two in game decades handing Morrigan her own autonomy on a silver platter? Who cares that I did everything in my power to make sure she could do what she wanted instead of bending to the whims of her abusive mother?

Ignoring the fact that apparently Morrigan and Isabela (who are both easily in their 50s at this point, remember how Wynne was barely cresting 50 and the game treated her like she was a granny?) haven’t aged a day cause I guess women can’t age… did anything I do matter? We get a weird vague line from Isabela about family and Morrigan seems to think she and the inquisitor are besties… which they are reluctant allies at best in most playthroughs I’ve seen and played. And oh by the way, that kid she maybe had, that could be an elder god? Yeah he either doesn’t exist or she’s an absent parent whoopsie.

Sixth: The lore… I understand this game is trying to take the world in a new direction but this was not the way to do it. We could have gotten a better shot at a DA2 type of game. A smaller, more contained story but they went scorched earth with so much that it feels… like a huge let down.

Not to mention that as a recovering catholic I loved the lore of the Chantry. I loved dissecting the intricacies of a huge religious institution that has good people but a rotten core. Examining faith and how sinister it is when institutions get a hold of something that imbues so much meaning into people's daily lives was genuinely cathartic for me. And this game basically tells you that the chantry is wrong and to go fuck yourself because it doesn’t matter and it never did. It takes away so much nuance and realism within its own lore (not to mention they just hand wave it off when Harding rightfully brings this up as an earth shattering moment for her. What a weird thing to ignore). The answer is Elves, if you have a question the answer is elves, and I’m sorry I don’t love that answer. I’d rather have no answer, I’d rather be able to draw my own conclusions.

I love how nuanced and messy the lore of Thedas is, personally. I loved learning about how twisted the Qun is and how fucked Antiva is and that Ferelden is no better. I found it so fascinating no one place is good and just. They really did some revisionist history with Tevinter and especially the Crows (this game had one too many freedom fighter groups for my liking but I digress). All interest, morally gray intrigue, and nuance was sapped out of the world. All the bad guys are venatori or antaam, all the answers are Elves did it, and it feels so… devoid of intrigue. It was such a let down.

At no time did I ever feel conflicted about what I was doing, at no time did things ever make me question if I was doing the right thing. I never even really had to think very hard about what I was doing because most choices were pretty benign, like I could do no wrong, like I was being spoonfed my heroism. I didn’t have to think, for the most part, and that makes me sad.

Seventh: Varric… oh Varric… my sweet beloved child they did that to you didn’t they? I don’t inherently have a problem with Varric dying, honestly I don’t. The execution, however (pun intended), was garbage. I echo what others have said… why is Varric the one chasing after Solas? Varric was close to everyone in the inquisition, sure, but I’m not sure he and Solas were besties.

If Cole were the one going after Solas I’d get it. If it were Bull going after Solas to beat the shit out of him, I’d get it. If it was Dorian going after him because he’s the closest in proximity I’d get it… but Varric being the one to try talking him down ‘because he’s my friend!’ is frankly, bad writing. I feel like the team wanted to send him off but this was not it fam. Varric does love his friends this deeply… but for Solas it feels wrong and weird and (dare I say it?) out of character.

Honestly, if they had him actually be alive in the Lighthouse and being that mentor figure I would have much preferred it. I could have overlooked the narrative wonky-ness if Varric had lived… but him being dead pissed me off. I can't even lie about it. It felt like shock value for shock value’s sake and I hated it.

It feels like we should have been with the Inquisitor tracking Solas down or at least hired by them… but instead we get dead Varric and no substance… awesome.

Eighth: The God’s Prison… of all the weird retconn-y odd narrative choices that were made this one irks me the most… just… the very concept of Solas and the other gods not being able to get themselves out of the Fade prison but you can is so… just dumb honestly. I think, in theory, the idea that you have to work through your regrets to release yourself from that prison is actually really interesting… but here’s the problem with that:

Solas did work through his regrets and he has been able to let go at least somewhat. He knows what he did was wrong and he wants to change… He’s just the king of over correction lol. I just find it laughable that you can get out of this supposedly impenetrable prison but no elven god can because they’re too proud. Elgar’nan and Ghilan’nain I can buy, but Solas I simply don’t buy it. It’s just… I don’t know, truly laughable is the only word I can use to describe it.

You’re telling me that Solas - who learned about the power of friendship and individual autonomy all throughout Inquisition - hasn’t learned to navigate his regret? Solas who can look romanced quizzie dead in the eye and tell her ‘I love you, you taught me so much about this world and I am still learning. I’m going to end this. I’m going to fix my mistakes. I’m going to make the world better.’ hasn’t had to grapple with what he’s done? Are y’all for real Bioware?

Ninth: Solas… Solas, Solas, Solas, my sweet summer child, you are the biggest case study of missed opportunity that I see in this game. I think he was severely underutilized, talking to him, his memories, and just having him around was genuinely the best part of this game for me. I love him fighting with Elgar’nan in my head, I love him being saucy with me in my dreams, and the romanced quizzy ending is cannon to me. But he just wasn’t present enough! He felt like a vague threat but I also… I also don’t really think this game did enough to make him a threat.

In Trespasser I genuinely feared this man, I thought ‘oh fuck we aren’t going to be able to stop him easily’ but then he is just… so easily taken out it’s laughable.

I think this game’s biggest flaw is that we get no build up to Solas as Rook. This game relies on the fact that you know Solas from Inquisition but then we don’t even really get that Solas (see bad ending where he calls himself a god oh Bioware I am in your YARD he would never say that). If we spent the whole game trying to find him, gathering allies, looking for clues only to meet him at the end and triumph by sealing him away… only to find out we released the evanuris into the world (obvious sequel bait is obvious but hey games do what they must) that would have been dope as hell!

I feel like the writers of this game felt like they had to deliver a sequel when honest to goodness I think it would have been much better if they didn’t. I think if this game had been divorced from the main series and truly had an independent story it could have been great. I keep saying if this game was a precursor to the ‘let’s take down Solas’ game it would have been epic. If this game introduced us to Rook and co, then at the end we meet the inquisitor and they’re like, “Hey losers do you wanna save the world!?” That would have been so cool.

But at the end of the day it IS a sequel and it’s a bad sequel. I truly like this game when it’s not trying to follow up Inquisition, but as a sequel it fails at every hurdle. Solas is a fascinating villain, he is a character I adore and really find interesting, compelling, tragic, and downright terrifying. And they didn’t use him to his fullest extent at all.

In theory - Rook is Solas’s foil. We get to accomplish what he couldn’t, saving the world and all that… but Rook and Solas are not actually parallels, their life experiences and their goals are nowhere near aligned enough to make this argument. If Solas were really watching us become him or if we saw ourselves becoming Solas that would have been interesting. Instead, Solas points out our similarities ‘you’re willing to do whatever it takes’ or ‘you’ve got fire and passion to do the right thing’ or ‘you do what’s right and say fuck the man when you need to’ but our reasons feel achingly hollow compared to his. We are not the same. So him thanking us at the end of the game feels out of place. He should be thanking the inquisitor for coming back to him - because really she is the one who saves him. Her love saves him, Rook just bought her time to get to him.

What sucks is that Solas is so endlessly interesting to me. This is a character that created this world and he regrets it. Can you imagine a god that regrets their creation? That idea has me physically unwell and they squandered it.

Tenth: The thesis of this game. Now let me start off by saying, not all games NEED a thesis. But some of them have them regardless and the Dragon Age games like having something to say. So bear with me while I opine about a very watered down thesis for each game. And it could be argued these games have multiple or different ones than I present but this is my hear me out post, get your own, lol.

Origins poses the question ‘how far will you go to save the world?’ We are constantly asked to do morally dubious things to save the world. Do we recruit slave labor from the Golems for a better army? Do we save the Circle mages or do we let the templars slaughter them? Do we recruit Loghain as a gray warden knowing the crimes he has committed? Do we let Morrigan conceive a god baby to save our own life? These questions are answered by our choices and it makes this game interesting. It makes each Hero of Ferelden different and it makes our choices matter, people we meet and grow to care for live or die by our decisions and it makes the player feel important.

DA2’s thesis is ‘we are the product of our circumstances’. DA2 is, at its heart, a tragedy, people are victims of their circumstances, including Hawke. No matter what we do, we lose our siblings and our mother to circumstances beyond our control, with or without our heroism. No matter what we do the qunari will rampage through the city. No matter what we do the chantry is destroyed and we must side with the templars or mages. Yet, in spite of the horror, Hawke can choose how they respond to their situation. We get to choose to be kind or brutal, we can choose to seek justice or be pulled through it kicking and screaming. We are dealt a shit hand at every turn, what we choose to do with it matters.

Inquisition’s thesis is ‘how do we forgive in the face of corruption?’ Every organization we meet in Inquisition is corrupt as fuck. They are terrible, they treat others without dignity or care, they spit in the face of decency but WE can change that. We as the player can step in and be the change we want to see in the world, literally. We can beat back corruption and evil with compassion and understanding… or you know, we can make them worse, because Inquisition gives you the option to be a dick if you want. We are tasked with saving the world and we can either be selfish about it like every other organization we encounter or we can be the altruistic light in the darkness - the dawn in an otherwise bleak future.

It feels like the thesis of Veilguard is ‘you can’t do anything alone’ when it should have been ‘what are you willing to sacrifice for the greater good’ or even better ‘it is easy to become the very thing you fought against’.

We spend the whole game watching how Solas made the hard choices in a losing fight, that he became something he never wanted to be because all he saw was the end result and not what was being lost along the way. Solas was a good leader, Solas had people fighting with him, and Solas was not afraid to make sacrifices for the greater good. Which would have been fascinating if we - Rook - had any hard choices to make at all and could relate to that.

We tread dangerously close to something great in this vein, the idea that we can be good leaders, get the job done, and do minimal harm - but it is done in such a way that it is made seriously unrealistic and uninteresting. We get through mostly unscathed with minimal losses that we care about beyond the vague answer of ‘normal people died/got hurt’ but we never really see that (don’t get me started on the mourning scene in the final battle, I was surrounded by sheets? I can only assume if your friends died you’d see their faces but mine didn’t soooooo). We are a better leader than Solas by virtue of our situations being significantly different. We are facing a known foe, with a clear cut way to beat them, allies who help us with minimal persuasion, and no insurmountable problems. He didn’t have any of that, he led a grassroots rebellion with basically only slaves and spirits to help him against people who were doing things he’d never seen before. The difference is just… they’re incomparable.

Can you imagine if we really had to face the idea that we are becoming the very thing we sought to destroy? Can you imagine the slow, creeping realization that we are just like Solas. If we had to sacrifice one or two or even more of our faction alliances to proceed through the game? If there were actual STAKES!?! If Solas saw us as his equal or another incarnation of himself? If he saw us going down the same path he did and it sparks empathy in him? If he wanted us to actually succeed because he has learned to see the good in this messy creation of his?

The DA games are - at their core - about sacrifice, what you are willing to give up for the greater good? In these games, the goal is to save the world, so how will you fight for it? We have nothing to fight for here because it’s not really a fight at all.

This idea that you can’t do anything alone is nice… but being alone is never an option for us. Solas puts himself in exile, Solas is alone but Rook never is. It’s not an option not to recruit your companions, you have to. It’s not an option to turn any of them away or to have them leave your party, and they’ll always love you if you do the bare minimum for their quests. The only time they ‘leave you’ is if they die but that’s not until the very absolute end, and even then they die in service of you - you are not ever alone in this fight.

If this game wanted to say something about how our people make us better we should have been met with a point in the game where we are alone. Fade prison doesn’t count because really nothing happens there; it's all cerebral internalized shit and you’re pulled out of it relatively quickly. We should have been hit with the idea that without our people - the bonds we choose and those we love - we are nothing and we were never faced with that potential reality.

In addition… Solas had people. He had Mythal and Felassan and he trusted them so intrinsically it became a part of his downfall. If he was your friend or lover in Inquisition he is a ride or die, he cares deeply for you and your team - so much so, he leaves because he sees himself as a danger to you. He’s only alone now because he chose to be alone… should we not also parallel this? Should we not also feel more bound to Solas because we see ourselves in him? We keep saying we’ll do ‘whatever it takes’ but it only takes the minimum to get the damn job done. We get to take the path of least resistance constantly, we get to be a hero with little to no losses that we see or care about - and perhaps this is because I did completionist this game and worked for it… but I didn’t ever feel like I had to work particularly hard.

This game ultimately fails because what it’s trying to say has no weight, what it’s trying to dictate to us is just said and never shown. We are not treated as an active participant in this narrative, we are just a consumer and I find it offensive that it was touted as an RPG when there’s minimal roleplay in the game.

In conclusion, your honor, this game is not a disappointment because I wanted Inquisition 2 - this game is a disappointment because it doesn’t say anything worthwhile. It presents ideas that, on their face, are good but never delves into them, it saps nuance out of an otherwise lively incredibly lore rich world, and it ultimately takes power away from the player to service a story that no longer wants to affiliate itself with its predecessors. Which is a damn shame because what came before it has so many interesting and thought provoking ideas this world could have built itself upon and chose to disregard.

If they wanted a relaunch, that’s fine… divorce yourself from ALL the games if that’s the case. Tell a smaller story, go back in the timeline before any other game, do anything else.

I will still probably play future Dragon Age games (because the track record is now the odd numbered games are good, the even numbered games are less good). I can find the good in these games despite my disappointment. But this game is still just that to me, a disappointment, end rant.

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s3 episode 6 thoughts

it’s been an exhausting day. work was awful. i was brave and didn’t cry whilst there. and for that, i deserve this episode even more than usual. 

oooooh it’s an internet episode!!!! an episode about an internet killer!!! that probably felt new and scary back then!!! i’m excited to see something i assume as naturally dangerous as hitchhiking to be seen as scary and new. let us jump in, and enjoy the adventures of our agents, and numb ourselves to the hardship of the outside world.

these two people are in a car. he is smooth talking her. oh… they only waited three months to meet in person after talking online. hmm… is that speedy or not? i guess that depends on who you ask. for me, i’m gonna say speedy. because they didn’t even see each other’s faces before this.

he has mysterious scars on his neck. yeah, i noticed that very conspicuous camera panning. the music is very ominous. and now they’re kissing. 

OH??? THERE IS A STICKY FLUID. IN HER MOUTH. an unusual one. not whatever you were thinking. what the hell… was that man some kind of insect????? there was real goop in there, man. eughhh it was very gross. 

cop is approaching the car next day. and she is like. jelly? as in, covered in gel. the gelatin monster has struck and apparently he’s surfing the net. 

(trust when i say i’m not a gelatin monster. or don’t trust. perhaps skepticism is better)

okay, investigation time. this guy shakes hands with mulder and entirely ignores scully. tells me a lot about his character very quickly. mulder has also got some more conventional looking shades this time around. perhaps his other ones were just not keeping the sun out like he had hoped for.

body reveal! so it seems that the goop has um. melted her skin? EUGH. mulder swabs the goop. it’s just a prop, i tell myself to avoid gagging. a prop with excellent construction that was very carefully crafted. shoutout prop team as always. 

detective looks real freaked out by the goop. yeah he’s not special in that regard.

mulder says he has heard of similar killings from women placing ads in the paper! i don’t want them to separate though, as he announce he’s going on an investigation while she does an autopsy. c’mon, can’t we do some teamwork in the same room?

scully looks disgusted at the bloody goop in her hand. this is appearing to be a universal sentiment.

the goop man is at the computer typing to another woman. and smiling mischievously. we learn, from a woman dropping a key off at his door, that his name is mr. incanto, and she thinks that since he types and gets a lot of packages, he must be a writer or an editor. and she wants him to read her poems. wow. leaping to conclusions here. i admire it. it’s clear she’s flirting with him, and the idea of a person you’re attracted to reading your poems is a wild one for me to entertain. personally i would rather explode crazy style.

scully is scrubbed up <3 and she is so cute <3 i don’t mean this in a condescending way… she just looks cute in a fully “i respect her capabilities” kind of way. don’t worry. but this man is not respecting her and is shocked she’s a doctor. rude as hell… could never be me.

he says he’s old fashioned. umm okay if you want to be all manly about it how about you cut up the goop body yourself… oh that’s right you can’t. because you don’t have the skill set. or even any skill sets, as far as i can tell.

he says this is effecting her judgement because the victim is a woman and he isn’t being sexist. IF YOU DON’T SHUT YOUR MOUTH MAN…. she is so patient even when she ought to rip his heart from his chest with her teeth

she’s making a face when he leaves like she really IS thinking about doing some heart ripping and then she gets into the recording mode. and the body has increased in goopiness. in fact. there is only a skeleton now and a LOT of liquid. oh… 

mulder is asking about the murder victim, and he’s sitting on a very 90’s printed couch, and yeah he looks good. don’t worry about it. he’s asking the victim’s roommate what chat room they met in. now personally, if i was talking to people on a chat room, i would not be telling my roommate the names of said chat rooms, but maybe it was different vibe wise at that time. imagine if my roommate knew i ran a blog like this. i couldn’t picture such a thing. and the victim would READ her roommate the letters???!? OH I CANNOT IMAGINE SUCH A THING!!!!

he uses the roommate’s house phone to call scully, who is dealing with a very wet skeleton. but that’s so funny to me. he wanted to use someone else’s phone to call her. maybe his phone still hadn’t been replaced since that kid melted it in episode 3.

he’s putting out a localized online warning… is that a thing? wow. you learn so much on this television program.

“in life, bones have the tensile strength of forged iron”, says scully. and i’m giggling. n kicking my feet.

ohhh the bone is SQUISHY. it is not supposed to be this way. but it did look quite satisfying. again, props team, shoutout.

oh tea… the body fat wasn’t there!!! it disappeared. scully is like, why would he do that, steal a victim’s fat. and i would love to know the same thing. 

another woman is preparing to meet with the goop monster. oh, but someone is telling her there was a warning SPECIFICALLY for woman in cleveland to not go meet people online! but she’s like nooo i’m a good judge of character. LIES LIES LIES. she’s only been talking to him for a MONTH???? HOW CAN YOU JUDGE A CHARACTER IN A MONTH?

the killer’s at a fancy restaurant looking place with a bouquet of flowers and he’s checking his watch. oh and he dumps the flowers!!! queen of self preservation saved herself tonight by standing him up??? yes, it appears this is the case!! 

now there are a bunch of ladies on the side of the road. i have only seen this happen in this show and never in real life, but maybe i'm not looking in the right direction. NO! he sees a woman and smiles. they go to a back alley… no!! but she won’t kiss him. okay, i think, she has a chance. alas. i was wrong. so he attacks. OH AND HE IS SLURPING ON HER BODY???? another woman finds her goop-ified. 

they’re at the scene and the detective is being awful (shocker!) but mulder hands over some of the letters from the killer, and notes that they contain letters from 16th century italian poems. which tells me he is familiar with 16th century italian poems. ohhhhhhhhhh. blushing a lil. 

focus. so the fellow would have access to niche italian poems, is what we are learning here. likely a college professor, or a grad student, or something along those lines.

the killer should also have a wound pattern, they note, because the woman scratched him very well.

and BLEGHHHH, cut to his place, where he’s cutting his wound??? like straight up trimming it like it’s fabric or something. nasty nasty nasty nasty!!!

someone is bringing him a package. and the woman who asked to show him her poems asks him to dinner?!?!?! but he says he’s busy. the teenage daughter reads him for filth. he’s creepy and smells weird. delivered by a girl who meant every word she said.

scully is posing impeccably, looking as someone types on a computer. it was formidable.

mulder comes by with some results and he sort of. scoops her out of the room. 😳

theory time in the hallway! hallway theory time!! always one of my favorite times. “okay, it’s not yet the finely detailed insanity that you’ve come to expect from me” <- at least he’s self aware 

FAT SUCKING VAMPIRE LET’S GOOOO. such a preposterous creature. i have to admire it.

there are examples of this in nature, right? “i don’t know too many scorpions who surf the internet” scully, you just offended the coolest scorpion alive somewhere out there. but they couldn’t hear you so it’s okay. just don’t ever say that again…

scully wants to brief the people involved in the case and the detective is again being weird. mulder recognizes this. i can see it.

okay, so the killer has some more niche italian poetry. and an email from the woman who saved herself by not showing up! nooo, i thought she had escaped!

knock at the door. it’s scully. but not at the door of the right guy!! the detective is at the door of the right guy!!! 

mulder makes some remark about not being a good salesman because no one answered the door. and yeah i giggled. but she cuts him off with the fact the detective hasn’t answered his calls or returned… has he been gooped?!

now the killer is out with the woman who previously saved herself. and she sees his skin. and she offers to drive him home!!! noooo ellen :( don’t fall for his tricks and lies

the poetry woman is at his door. she puts a HUGE thing of poems under his door. 

but back in the car he is about to smooch ellen. somehow poetry lady let herself into his room??? and a bunch of flies are around. 

(we later learn she was the housekeeper or landlord or something so yeah. she would have access to the keys. but at the time i was baffled)

goop monster and ellen don’t smooch because he sees the poem lady is in his room!!! and the detective is in the tub!!! and he walks in right as she sees this!!! oh no. violence ensues…

her daughter comes to the door. and asks where her mom is. and he GRABS her weird as hell. and says he’s leaving.

mulder is sitting on a table again because he’s weird. but the girl calls the police!!! and they found her mom’s body and the detective's. the little girl asks scully why someone would do this and she says she doesn’t know… STOP I’LL SOB

okay, this dude’s name is virgil and there are no records of him existing. virgil. damn. maybe he’s FROM 16th century italy, because that’s a 16th century sounding name. are there any italian legends of fat sucking vampires? can’t say i’m very familiar with their lore 

they’re trying to get into his computer and all the files were deleted. ohhh they have floppy disks!!! i love floppy disks 💾

the killer went to ellen’s place?!!?!? and she locks the door. ellen please pull out a glock at this time. 

scully sent out a warning to everyone in proximity. and three of them were already missing!!!! that is evil :(

and ellen got the email but he’s in the room. and he starts attacking… oh lord, just as the agents roll up. 

they get in formation and then kick down her door and WHEW they way they work as a team… i’m eating it up. sweeping the rooms. guns cocked. 

ellen is under some sheets and coated in goop whilst mulder does parkour to go and find this guy. GO GO MULDER RUN RUN!!! his voice is all growly while he holds a shadowy figure at gunpoint, but he only runs into a teenager. no! poor kid :(

NOOO… THE KILLER WAS HIDING IN THE BATHROOM AND SCULLY WAS GOING IN THERE TO GET SOME STUFF TO TAKE CARE OF ELLEN!! he smashed her head in the mirror and he starts to goop her until ellen does in fact roll up with a glock. and shoots him in the chest. YES ELLEN I KNEW YOU HAD IT IN YOU <3

so they have him in custody now and his skin is suuuuuuper dry and peeling and nasty. and scully asks what the hell he was doing and he goes on about stuff blah blah blah and then he quotes some italian and she gets freaked and dips. and we end with a hannibal-esque shot of his evil peeling nasty face. and some contemplative music.

so. that was gross.

grossness established. i once again kind of enjoyed this episode. like was i gagging, and not in the good way? yeah i was. but again with the suspense. i think the plot could be absolutely ridiculous- like an actual fat vampire- and if the plot and pacing are the right tempo, i’ll find myself fully absorbed into it. 

but i can’t help but feel that i’m missing something. the italian seemed too purposeful. is there some medieval tale of a fat vampire? i’m being so serious btw like actually. is that a reference that flew over my head? is it in dante’s inferno or something? i love history but middle ages europe always puts me to sleep so i can’t say i’m familiar with the literature or tropes beyond what i learned in art history class. where we never covered ANY sort of vampire. just a lot of baby jesus and also mary and sometimes adult jesus. 

hmm. so i’m wondering here what that was about. and yeah, i could google it. but again, more fun when you tell me things.

i mean, if it was something they just made up for fun, i get that too. like earlier we had that evil mermaid baby that lived in the waterways. and we had that evil twin that looked like the fiji mermaid. and eugene tooms the lizard man. the seriousness with which the situation is played enhances the campy angle when you ponder it.

overall, it was interesting to see a world where the internet was new and fresh and scary. now it’s scary in mostly familiar ways. but it was not always this way! and while i am a little confused on the concept of the episode itself- who exactly our monster of the week was, if he even WAS a monster of traditional sort of means- i won’t lie, the episode had me invested. there were also moral questions raised about how someone could do something so evil, specifically in relation to scully’s character, which probably speaks to her biggest fear being that anyone could pose a threat, which i think i’ll contemplate at another time, because it is fascinating, especially when you consider… i think it’s s2 episode 13? where the narrative also really dives into this question. how can people do evil things, and how can good people cope with knowing that it’s impossible to know who is capable of doing terrible things?

after a hard day at work in which a million things went sideways, it does feel nice to watch my pals mulder and scully do some sleuthing, no matter the situation in which they find themselves.

the goopsterrrrrrrr

[boygina-philosopher]

OSHA violating bullshit

Feat. Spock/McCoy/Kirk

Meta: multiple shots, mlm,

Tags: oviposition, vibrator use, eggpreg, cum swallowing, alien deepthroat, sounding, absolutely egregious medical malpractice, if you don't like eggs coming out of the weiner maybe skip this one, facehugger-type alien, multiple orgasms, belly bulge, borderline body horror, parasitic aliens, pleasure dom McCoy, power sub Spock, Easter fic, parasitoidism, aftercare, still calling the hole a cunt lol, voyeurism/exhibitionism, OOC but nobodys reading this so who cares

The cavernous underbelly of the giant planet should have been the first sign that the day wasn't going to be normal. Thank God for that, if there ever was a god, which there can't be. A benevolent god would have reduced these creatures into a blasphemous memory.

Spock, ever the curious man, stepped forth beyond the stalagmites seeping from the ground to look closer into a duct in the rock. The mineral in the walls of the cave shimmered with chatoyancy, reflecting into the eye of Kirk, willing to walk closer to Spock to investigate whatever grabbed his infinitely focused attention.

In a hushed breathy tone, Spock addressed the captain. "In the crevice... There's something alive in there." He said, not taking a single look away from it. The rumble of his deep voice seemed to stir it awake, and it backed away.

The captain whispered,

"that shouldn't be-"

And as in uffish thought he stood, the creature lunges forth, grappling onto Spock's face as he attempted to wrestle it away, backed into the wall by the large thing, far too large for the small crack it leapt from.

Kirk can only act as fast as he can understand what is happening, with no one present to snap him into gear. Still, in only a millisecond it seems he grips the creature, pulling away from Spock to no avail, until he hears a disgusted, throaty sound.

Spock's sharp canines were bared as the creature's thick fleshy tendril slipped between his lips and deep into his mouth. Spock has nothing to emote, but immediate revolt against the tentacle prying his throat open. His eyes vaguely darted to the captain in a sliver of shock before a liquid gushed forth and his eyes were quickly squeezed shut. The bitter foreign liquid piped down the man's throat and down his gullet, never ending as it seemed, flowing forth at a rapid pace from the creature latched onto him.

Involuntary tears pricked Spock's eyelashes as he gagged around the appendage, whimpering trying to keep his esophagus closed. The cloudy liquid spilled from Spock's mouth and dropped down his strained neck, until Kirk tore the alien from his face. The alien's crab-like leg sliced into kirk's chest. The excess of strange liquid made the grip too slippery to keep up, and the alien was flung into a nearby wall, splattering goop all over the glittering rock. Kirk looked down at his first officer, coughing up a storm, brought to his knees and utterly exhausted. That's what this brief moment was. The eye of the hurricane.

Immediately after being beamed up, Spock collapsed and was caught in a hectic battle to carry the dense man to the sick bay. Dr. Leonard McCoy eventually got to him and, joined by Kirk, he hooked Spock up to his faster x ray machine.

"it shouldn't be normal for a Vulcan to pass out from exhaustion from something as simple as wrassling an alien. I don't suppose you still have said alien, Captain?"

"Ah, I'm afraid not, bones. It didn't seem like a priority when it was pumping toxins into our first officer."

"oh, bite me." McCoy retorted, flicking a steel switch, cracking on the image of Spock's organs. All where they should be, which is to say, where they should most definitely not be. No perforations, only the liquid traveling throughout Spock's body.

"maybe it had some sort of sedative properties..." McCoy muttered, feeling around on the bulging stomach. Before shooting Spock his adrenaline. He awoke to the feeling, In an admittedly unsettling manner, flicking his eyes open and staring at the doctor.

"I do not mean to alarm you, but it feels as if the material is growing."

Okay, well, that's probably not a good sign, now is it? And Spock was not wrong, as the liquid took a more gelatinous form inside his system. It clumped together, forming squishy beads.

"why, doctor, that looks like frogspawn."

"eggs..."

The alien was trying to use an unsuspecting Spock as an unconscious incubator, possibly even larva feed when the eggs hatched. parasitoidism, not uncommon within earth wasps, such as the jewel wasp. They needed to purge the body of steadily hardening, thick beady eggs until the moment they would tear through him. Near exactly what was conveyed to Spock.

He couldn't cut into Spock without risk, the eggs hardened to injured tissue, seen on kirk's chest, when the goop clung to the slice on his skin. An idea struck Leonard, but not without predetermined conflict.

"now Spock, we need to try something but you need to bear with me."

Spock's stomach bulged now, stiff and glistening with sweat, flushed. Kirk sat behind him, gently patting his shoulder like a proud father of two dozen parasitic alien eggs. If he had not already been dating his superior officer and doctor, he'd surely be ashamed of this horrifyingly wanton display.

"captain, you are surely needed in H.Q., I suggest that you leave my side and-"

"Spock I'd just about die on that chair knowing what's happening to you and knowing I didn't help."

Leonard had Spock sit up and lean back slightly, spreading his legs and presenting to the doctor.

"doctor, might I ask what you're doing?"

"you need to flush them out of your system. I'd understand if you don't want Kirk to be here for this part." McCoy announced, presenting Spock with a steel rod, a small bullet shaped... Machine, and lubricant. Spock's face flushed a stoic green and pursed his lips.

"i would not want to exclude the captain from such a groundbreaking discovery." Spock said, with utmost control.

Spock attempts to keep his legs open as McCoy presses the vibrator to his hardening cock, twitching and emanating heat with every stroke. Of course Kirk wanted to stay, Of course he did. Nothing embarrassing could ever stay between Spock and his doc.

"I think that's enough. This might hurt, so tell me if it's too deep." McCoy said, wiping lube across the sounding rod. He leaned downward between Spock's thighs, sighing gently onto Spock's sensitive cock, causing him to squirm. He pushed the rod into the tip, stretching him gently and stinging Spock with pleasure. He whimpered around the new sensation. Kirk furrowed his brow, bringing a hand to his heating face, red, with pupils blown out.

Spock tipped his head back and bit his lip as the rod pushed deeper.

"hold this, keep it up, okay?" McCoy pushed the vibrator towards Kirk, pushing the button to turn it on and gesturing towards Spock's cock. Kirk barely even registered his task before he pushed the toy onto the cock from behind the other man. Spock's demeanor unraveled and he moaned gently into the air.

Man, he really should stop getting into these situations. This is quite possibly the most illegal thing McCoy ever done on board, jerking off his superior officer and hard under the table. That man didn't even know how perverted he was, god, he's so fucking weird. That did not even begin to describe it. He pulled the sounding rod from the hole-

Spock gasped into a moan as an egg popped out from his tip. And another. Three eggs slipped from his cock, and Spock pulled his legs together. The vibrator buzzed around his cock, sliding up and down and sending waves of pleasure across his body.

"d-doctor, I think I'm going-ah!"

Another egg slid from his cock as an orgasm rocked his body, cumming hard onto McCoy's and Kirk's hand. His thighs trembled gently.

"ah...excuse me-I didn't-"

"that was the plan. That's how we purge them out. McCoy, you've done it again." Kirk announced, a crooked smile hiding the raging heat growing in his pants.

Spock looked up at the captain, eyes droopy and glazed over.

"this will hurt. It's best you try to withstand it, cuz it's working." McCoy assured, before plunging the rod back into Spock's cock. The Vulcan arched his back and whined, before he bit onto his hand to muffle the sounds of ecstasy. Kirk Drew his arm from his face and pulled it up.

"c'mon Spock, let me hear it." Kirk whispered into Spock's hot ear. He nibbles on the tip and Spock gasped.

McCoy should have known better. He really did expect Kirk to be into it, and yet he still let him stay. That's not to say it was shameful, it would be a crime not to get horned up at the masterpiece in front of them.

The pressure was unbearable, any single touch was enough to make Spock whelp, as the constant upkeep of sensation was momentarily unpredictable. He could feel them sliding inside him, replacing one another, eager for the opening the doctor made with the rod. They clacked dull against the inside of his cock. It was too much, too... Zing-y. The slow gape was the worst. For such small, quarter sized eggs they sure liked to take their time.

Eggs slipped one after another from Spock's throbbing, wet heat. It stretched him to the brink and brought him back just in time for the intense relief to make him cum again. It was too much, too sensitive. He came six times and reactionary tears unashamedly flowed from his face, slick with sweat and a deep green. He was not crying, but this sure was something. He could barely speak anymore, begging and moaning loud as Kirk pried his legs open for Leonard.

"ah, please- enough... Ah-!"

Spock's hips bucked forward and one last egg came loose from his poor, sobbing body. The x-ray was back to normal, as it seemed. He would almost miss that feeling. His body wracked with electric heat, trembling and spasming against his doctor's hands. He panted and gasped through the last egg, shoulders stroked and patted by his captain ever so gently.

McCoy stood up without thinking, immediately regretting his decision and turning to put away his things. Thank God they were in a private area, if not for the loud moaning, then for the cackle that came from Kirk as he notices the doctor's hard-on.

"I should have known that this was your forté. No one else would have suggested such a thing, especially-"

"ah shut yer yap, you're just about as hard as I am, if not worse, you deviant."

As things settled down, drowning in heartbeats and panting gasps, Spock was eased down onto the bed and massaged by rough hands.

"you did so good, Spock. You must be exhausted. We'll clean you up, get some rest."

Kirk wasn't wrong, he was on the verge of falling unconscious once more, and his head became clouded. Clear enough that Spock heard McCoy say he'd have his duties filled out as he "recovered."

Before he could be whisked into blissful sleep, Spock muttered:

"The egregious display of unprofessional treatment will be taken up with H.R."

"NO, no, this is not standard for me, what we just did was so, incredibly illegal. I wouldn't-"

Spock drifted off to sleep as McCoy raved and Kirk shut him up with a kiss and a hand under the shirt.

[mlm-writer]

A Shag Will Do (John Constantine x M!Reader)

Pairing: Fake!Professor!John Constantine (LoT ver.) x Student!Cis!Male!Reader Rating: Mature Words: 461 POV: Second Summary: The Big Tober Day 17 - Love at first sight Note: Oops it is a drabble. Sequel to this work. Tags: reader is a college/uni student and it shows, flashback & nsfw mentions

Whatever was happening out there, you had already decided that it was not your problem. You should be worried about the midterms like every other student, but instead here you were, past midnight, hiding underneath a desk. A drop of your cum on the floor next to you glistened in the green light that slipped through the blinds of the room you were stashed away in. Outside of it was your not-real professor fighting with a demon or whatever it was he said the thing you witnessed was. Demon checked out. What still perplexed you was that Constantine could apparently use your cum to defeat it. Ridiculous. 

“That’s good stuff you got there, lad. If I don’t die, you should put a load of that inside me, ey?”

The wink that accompanied that sentence turned your face crimson thinking about it. You thought back about the first day you saw John Constantine. First lecture of the year and there he was standing in front of the lecture hall, rattling on in his dirty trenchcoat about something you were not sure how it was related to your major. 

Your keyboard made that satisfying sound as you still took your notes diligently. After yet another sentence, you looked over the top of your laptop, eyes directly meeting and maybe that was when it really hit you how hot he was. The rest of the lecture was just imagining running your hands through that messy hair and feeling that beard rub against your cheek. Back then you had reprimanded yourself for even thinking such a thing about an educator. Now, however, you had free reign with those emotions you had repressed before and they all hit you like a train. 

The door opened and your whole body jump started into fight or flight mode. Fortunately, there was no demon, just a fake professor covered in green goop. You crawled out of your hiding spot and strode over to him with a confidence that must have been fuelled by those seven energy drinks you had earlier. You grabbed the dirty lapels of the trenchcoat and pulled John into a kiss, immediately regretting it as you found out that the green gunk was horrid. You gagged and coughed while you turned your head away from him, eventually doubling over as you tried to breathe through the experience of getting demon goo in your mouth. 

“Didn’t even give me time to warn you. Want to shag me that bad, huh?” John chuckled as he hit you on your back. He was wrong; it was not about getting your dick wet, but you had a feeling John Constantine was allergic to feelings. For now, a ‘shag’ would have to do and perhaps one day… you could be honest. 

—————

REBLOG TO SUPPORT YOUR FANFIC WRITERS

Likes do not help exposure!A comment in tags or replies can sustain a writer for months!

[jinns-anime-shit]

Imagine you’re one of Yuji’s cousins and you lived in the US until you found out his grandpa died and so you move back to Japan to become Yuji’s guardian but Choso is already taking care of him and won’t let him leave so you have to live with both of them

You and Choso hate each other and are hostile at first but after a night of shared secrets and deep life stories you end up falling asleep on each others shoulders on the couch

And after that Choso starts to do small cute gestures and he smiles his cute awkward smile at you whenever he can because he loves how it makes your cheeks warm and that sweet giggle slip from your lips

And one day Yuji can’t find either of you until he knocks on your door and finds Choso cuddled up on top of the sheet with you under them and his face is buried in your side because he had a nightmare but didn’t want to wake you so he just rested there. Yuji takes a picture and sneaks out before either of you notice

And then later when Megumi is over you hear Yuji giggling about something and showing Megumi his phone. Megumi is a lot more chill and discreet but he does give you a small knowing smirk and you furrow your brows because why is he looking at you like that?

And Choso can’t stop stuttering around you and being flustered. He’s very clumsy and apologizes when he “accidentally” touches your hand when you both reach for something in the fridge but then he asks if you would rather go get dinner at a restaurant

You agree and instead of staying at a restaurant Choso gets take out and walks with you to a park where a picnic blanket is set up with tiny battery-lit candles (because he doesn’t trust the wind)

He awkwardly runs off to a tree and steps behind it to grab a pot with your favorite plant/flower inside. The pot is a simple ceramic but it’s clearly been painted and it’s a sloppy picture of the two of you with a heart in the middle

Your smile is brighter than the moon as you take it and tell him it’s perfect and you love it. He blurts out that he’s in love with you and you giggle, saying that he should at least take you out on another date before deciding that he’s in love, but when his expression drops you immediately tell him you’re just teasing

He asks if you like him as well and you laugh, making him self conscious again, to which you quickly cover by saying “well duh I like you!” His cute and awkward smile bursts onto his face and you giggle while leaning over and kissing his cheek

Yuji and Megumi are hiding in some of the other trees and Yuji is taking pictures of you and Choso while Megumi struggles to hold him from falling. He debates dropping Yuji but decides he might get dumped if he does, and despite finding him absolutely annoying, he’s fallen for Yuji (not literally, he’s got good balance)

But eventually Megumi’s grip gets weak and he does end up dropping Yuji, but he soon follows after as a big gust of wind knocks him off of the branch. You and Choso look over and both run to the boys, only to find Yuji laughing as Megumi’s hair is covered with leaves and sticks. Choso makes sure Yuji is okay while you pluck the twigs from Megumi’s hair. You scold them and ask them what they were doing, only for Yuji to show you the pictures

You look at Choso with a smirk and ask if he knew they would be here, and he sheepishly scratches his neck and admits that yes, he asked them to help him with taking you out on a date. You just grin and wrap your arms around him in a hug, burying your face in his chest which makes his cheeks turn beet red. He smiles again and reciprocates the hug before you pull back and give him a proper kiss.

He’s stunned, gooped, and gagged. He’s frozen in place. He had his first kiss with the most amazing person to ever exist, and now he gets to take you home and hopefully make it under the sheets when cuddling this time, because he nearly froze the other night with your massive industrial sized fan blowing

You live happily ever after, unless Satoru and Suguru are around being the chaotic husbands that they are. At least Megumi can keep Yuji calm (most of the time, except for when Nobara is around)

[briskunt]

so i recently started watching vanta’s dbh playthrough, which i had avoided because i saw another streamer run through this game when it released and my minority ass was not gooped nor gagged. i decided i may as well because watching vanta rip apart b2s (another game i watched eons ago and was incredibly mid abt) and wolf among us (which i’ve been interested in but never got around to) and him dunking on dbh along the way convinced me. now i’m regretting not watching this sooner because for as pretentiously unaware this game is, i did not realize how much i needed girl dad vanta in my life. like i always knew girl dad vanta was out there but in this moment i am painfully aware that this man would be an excellent father and i would have no problem with him mpregging me in order to get there

[glowinggreenfrog]

I FINISHED BOYS OVER FLOWERS!!

I have thoughts so this will be long w/ spoilers.

Last night, I finished my 24 hours of boys over flowers manga read-a-thon and I had to sit and ponder at the ending- in the best way.

I am going to miss this series so much.

The Little Mermaid Question

From my last post, yes , of course I was happy that Umi was humbled-or at least hopefully she clues into it someday. I was gagged and gooped.

The reference to the little mermaid by Hans Christian Andersen by Makino solidified this series as a top 3 manga for me. She had my heart when she said

“Why should I be sea foam?”.

It put the good in Goodbye

The call backs from the beginning of the manga were so perfectly woven in as it got closer.

Seeing it all referenced felt like a warm smile. I have to admit, it felt bittersweet knowing why they were here again. I loved that hitting someone with a baseball was how he got his memories back, and bringing up her dropped friend character.

The pacing was refreshing and not heavy. It felt like I could breathe still. The sushi restaurant was a cute reunion. Especially, the detail that she jump ropes in her apartment still.

Yuki

At first, I was annoyed with how much time we spent with Yuki—Only because I was so stressed knowing how little time was left!!

Thankfully, I told myself to relax because I really loved that plot. I felt so stressed for her, and it was so well written. Yuki is such a cool character and storyline.

The billboard reveal with Sarah gagged me. Also that she took him back up on the offer, and I was moved to see she was a different person now. She grew so much.

I loved them all eating cake until dawn.

Also loved Makino craving ramen after. I love that her and Tsukasa were alone eating soup in the restaurant. (Well more just Makino). It was cute.

This chapter fed the girls who don’t end up with their first love, and it was done so thoughtfully. It also made me accept if our main couple don’t end up together, or grow together.

They can change as people, and grow apart. That’s normal. They don’t need to prove to anyone that their love was genuine and they tried. Looking back, I am so happy this was included in the end.

Main couple

And speaking of our main couple. The four year drop…..

I literally had to put my phone down. And scream breathe.

Quit playing.

Violence, maybe is the answer.

Esp. After the memory loss plot?!

I took a metaphorical drag of a metaphorical cigarette here, and I chewed on that metaphorical smoke before blowing it out.

But…that’s so them! They don’t give us fanservice for them much at peace and although that made me so upset, but we have the whole series to look back on.

It took me throughout the day (even after jewel box) to forgive him for that.

I was thinking about how the hospital arc ended and he’s such a different person without Makino, I can see how she changed him, and now he can be on equal footing with her. She helped him challenge himself and his mom, and live for something.

I am grateful Rui told her to live for herself, and I appreciate her family coming through for her senior year. It was all very true to their chaotic and broke characters and the timing of them trying to move all the time.

Also, the almost hookup!! Her well badly timed fever. I am happy it didn’t happen, because I felt like their story has to continue now.

Also it wasn’t really them. It’s too planned.

We know it has to be after a fight lmaoo.

I think if they did go through with it, it would have been harder to live so far apart too.

I cannot believe that she woke up alone. Not even 24 hours with her guy? At the same time, I like that it must’ve help cement that she didn’t want to leave Japan.

I only wish he planned the date to be closer to home for the vibes to be more immaculate, but I know that it is not his vibe, and there was too much going on (new job, graduating, prom, etc.).

It felt like a cop-out on their first planned trip abroad as a couple. The proposal idea was funny, I genuinely laughed with how much she couldn’t stand the roses smell. I would think the same.

I am sending a theme that he is terrible with grand romantic gestures.

Conclusion

Amazing Shoujos are so life changing, and truly the strongest genre. I love a manga that makes you cry. It makes me love love and remember how fuzzy you feel in it, and I needed that lately. This is so close to my heart.

I regretted reading it so fast but then I remembered how I can read it again and that made me more excited.

I loved the characters. I want to watch the anime (I am begging for a remake in the style of lost heroine).

I saw a lot of other female pro tags in our Makino. Like Kagome from Inuyasha in our main girl, and it’s interesting that their timelines match up production wise! I like that I can see Mao Mao from Apothecary Diaries a bit in her too. They’re going to be themselves whether people like it or not!

Then like the greedy child I am, I had to reach for the jewel-box volume because FOUR YEARS?YOUR TELLING ME NOTHING HAPPENS? I know I don’t need to know all the answers and our characters are strong, but I was excited for a peek.

So…I already finished it. I might make a separate post for that, but honestly this ending helped me feel at peace. It felt more like a cherry on top (and who am I kidding I love more Rui).

I don’t know if I can start the season 2 yet, but I am tempted. I miss hearing Tsukasa’s mis-entendre of phrases and things! Like light and day. I also just want to think about the story more.

I remember I downloaded Jump to read this series. I forgot after the signup process (lol), read one piece instead and thankfully remembered it. It is 100% up in my favorite mangas (a growing list but I love this manga so much).

This was so fun to read.

Honestly? 10/10.

It’s camp, timeless, insane and it knows it. It loves it. It is also mature, heartfelt and honest. The author truly loved crafting this.

I also love her updates throughout! Reading this in time must’ve been a treat and hell.

[catholicguiltypleasure]

I’ve been seeing this review passed around and, yes, it’s a funny headline and calling Adam a Labrador is incredible.

But I don’t really agree with much else in the review. The person watched the whole thing through the lens of “this is Charlie Cox’s James Bond audition” and that’s just missing the entire point. Yes Treason is a spy thriller, but its also a story about family. How the decisions of the past can affect the present. So no, James Bond wouldn’t read to a class of children, but Adam Lawrence is not supposed to be 007. And I think Charlie’s decision not to play him as such was brilliant for the story.

There could have been a version of the show with that type of character and I firmly believe Charlie has the chops to do it (just look at him in DD S3, like he can play dark and gritty and closed off VERY well- Disney Princess eyes non withstanding). But we would have lost out on the connection between Adam and Maddy. Between Adam and his kids, him and Kara. He’s not some suave take-no-shit badass. He’s a father trying to reconcile his past mistakes with his new found power.

I just think the reviewer went in with a certain expectation of what “spy thriller” is and was disappointed. Which is fine, it’s not for everyone. But ragging on the lead actor for not playing into one specific character stereotype is missing the forest for the trees. I liked the show a lot! I was gagged at the last episode! And gooped! And it would not have been any better had Adam Lawrence just been a copy paste of Daniel Craig’s 007.

[altsvu]

mea culpa

pairing: peter stone x fem!detective!reader

wc: 908

cw: mentions of r*pe, angst, fluff

summary: peter stone, your boyfriend, is accused of that four letter word and finds himself in a scary situation. as emotional as it is for you, you and the rest of the squad have to step in to ensure his safety.

a/n: soooo obviously this was inspired by 20x9 - mea culpa… this episode had me gooped and gagged every time i watched it and i had started a fic based on this episode a few years ago when i first watched it, so it’s kinda similar 😭😭😭 can y’all tell i’m obsessed with peter stone???? that’s my man fr. as always enjoy!!

law and order svu masterlist! ✯ taglist!

✯✯✯✯

Liv didn’t call you on time.

Peter was in a bar with the husband of the woman who accused him of rape.

With a gun.

Hearing your boyfriend being accused of rape shattered you. Seeing Fin and Liv taking him in was even worse. You wanted to do everything in your power to clear his name all while still doing your job.

While trying to clear his name, that’s when you got the call. At that point the hostage situation had been going on for almost 20 minutes.

“Liv.” You said.

She turned around and pulled you into a hug.

“I should’ve called you earlier. His wife and daughter were here but he hung up the phone on them.”

“It’s okay. I’m here now, maybe I can get through to him.” You said. “Should I call?”

She nodded. “He would feel better if he heard your voice.” Liv handed you the phone after dialing the numbers.

“Please pick up.” You pleaded.

“Stone.” Peter said after a few rings.

“Peter.” You whispered.

“Y/N. I-“

“Who is that?” The other man screamed.

“Peter, tell him who I am.”

“An NYPD detective, and my girlfriend.”

“Hand me the phone.” He demanded. “Hand me the phone!”

You felt yourself shaking.

“You okay?” Rollins whispered.

“Yeah.” You whispered back.

“How do you feel knowing that your boyfriend raped my wife?”

“Sir, I don’t-“

“You know, maybe I should shoot your precious little boyfriend right now.”

“That’s not necessary. Look, if we could just work this out-“

“There’s nothing to work out.” You heard the gun cock. “HE RAPED MY WIFE!”

You felt a few tears forming. “Please, you don’t have to do this.” Your voice cracked.

“Move to where I can see you.”

“Please, don’t make her do this-“

“YOU DON’T GET TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO!”

You turned to look back at Liv, who gave you a small nod.

“Okay. Look sir, I will be approaching the window where you can see me.”

You slowly moved to the window view and saw the man you were talking to on the phone with.

“Your girlfriend is beautiful.” He sneered.

“Sir, please put the gun down. Think about your wife. Your daughter. Your wife called earlier right? She’s still here, your daughter’s still here and do you know why? They love you. Very much. I’m sure they told you that. Right?”

You and the husband locked eyes with each other through the tinted glass. His eyes locked on you while still pointing the gun at Peter. Peter looked at you too through the glass with sorrow and disdain written all over his face.

The husband turned the gun from Peter towards your direction and your eyes widened.

“Sir-“

He tossed the landline on the table and made Peter hang up. The last thing you heard was the clatter of the phone. You slowly lowered the phone from your ear and maintained your eye contact with the husband.

Everything else after this moment happened so quickly, even standing at that window didn’t help. The husband left and cops apprehended him quickly and then Peter came out moments after with the gun in his hand. Liv quickly grabbed it from him.

Peter locked eyes with you and ran towards you. He pulled you into a tight hug. Tears started streaming down your face as he rubbed your back.

“Peter” was all you could stifle out. He planted continuous kisses on your head as he let your tears flow onto his suit. He wiped your tears off as he held you in his arms all while the commotion around the two of you was going on.

As much as you had so much emotion built up inside you, you were still glad the hostage situation ended the way it did.

A few days later, you were sitting at your desk and staring into space. You couldn’t seem to concentrate, the events of a few days ago kept replaying in your head. The fact that Peter could’ve got killed, that you almost got killed was still mind boggling to you.

“Hey, Y/N.”

You snapped back to reality to realize that Peter was standing in front of you.

“Peter. Hey.”

He pulled up a vacant chair and went to sit next to you, placing a bag in front of you.

“I got your favorite.”

You didn’t respond, instead just curled up in your chair.

“Y/N.” Peter reached his hand out to hold yours. “I know you’re still spooked about the bar situation.”

You nodded your head, tears forming in your eyes.

“Our lives were both in danger. I was so scared and vulnerable that day.”

“I know honey,” He whispered into your ear as he pulled you into a hug. “I know.”

“I’m so glad this is over. I’m so sorry Peter.”

“Why are you sorry? You helped serve justice. If anything I should be the one apologizing. A part of me actually thought I did it, so it being my friend doesn’t make much of a difference. And plus, the accusation probably tainted your view of me.”

You laughed a little. “Deep down a part of me had that what if moment too. But you’re my Peter, so my view of you would never change.”

You were going to plant a kiss on Peter’s cheek when he caught it with his lips instead. Suddenly everything felt like everything was falling back into place again.

✯✯✯✯

taglist: @storiesofsvu @averyhotchner @ssaic-jareau @blackbeautifulqueen @deiondraaa @wandas-wife @chaerrymuffin @happyt0exist

[sinistersinister]

dragula finale liveblog, under the cut. i'll just make one post and type in it as i watch.

warning: spoilers ahead

first thought: a lip-synch? may the best monster win? this is just goth rupaul i guess.

second thought: the boulets are gorgeousssssss i LOVE their headpieces. anna-varney CUNTodea more like

skipping most of the confessionals. i want to be surprised. but i did catch nio's and it's like hoso's, part 2, but it's an important message and it still feels fresh.

love throb's filth idea.

ork remains colombian tommy wiseau. "my filth look is inspired by this... fucking GROSS slug... i found one time in a bathroom."

ork is such a sweetheart. i do not get why the fandom on reddit seems to hate him. i think it's probably classism and maybe a bit of racism. he's like what jay kay said they were-- up-front and honest and 'telling it like it is.' unlike jay kay, ork can actually dish it out AND take it, it seems like. (i do not dislike jay kay, but the way they were portrayed on the show made it seem like they were immature but not in the fun way. i do love a shit-stirrer but i like someone who's more incisive and self-aware about it.)

throb is very sincere and a bit socially inept. which i find charming.

i would have loved to see more of blackberri beyond 'nicey cutie with a beard.' like that weird tangent a few episodes ago about the christian traveling puppet show. like what? hello??? that was FASCINATING? she spent too much time being the producers' friend and not enough time being blackberri. imo.

at this point (~20 minutes in) i think nio's taking the crown.

FILTH TIME!

first thought: ork needs more goop for his slug to be gross. it's just cute, not filthy.

second thought: oh. oh THERE'S the slime. i am literally gagging so that's a good indication this was a 'successful' look. not the first time i've seen that pose from ork tho. nonetheless i would have liked more slime. it's a 'fucking GROSS slug,' so i want slimes and goops!

first thought: blackberri doing some christian puppetry callbacks with that suit. i think that's a good idea. playing to her strengths. it's kind of cute and menacing in an '80s mascot costume that was left in a warehouse and is now mildewed and spooky' way.

second thought: insufficiently filthy. ohhh you ate a raw fish. and? and? put more gross trash in your mouth! nose fell off too!

first thought: throb is also not sufficiently gross. but i love the lewk.

second thought: nvm i am again litcherally gagging. i have a thing about bubbly fluids and i was never more glad for 'switching tabs and looking away.'

fist thought: NIO OH GROSSSSSSSSSS. nio proving that the filthiest thing......is racism U___U. also slopping around in rotting food. that is also very nasty.

second thought: idk there was more potential for nio being gross. she came out so strong and i was underwhelmed by how gross she didn't get. make soy sauce come out of the pig foot strap on!!!!

winner: throb. i think a filth look is successful if it makes me feel sick.

post-show: oh, i didn't know ork was trying to literally puke. it would have been SO good if it had worked. next time put some ipecac on that tail, ork!

HORROR TIME

woah ork has great taste in obscure scary movies!!!! blackberri has a great taste in classic horror movies!!!! the girlies have done the reading!

nio: this could have been a glamour look. giving TITTYcut follies. i think the bodysuit was underwhelming though. same with the hairography.

blackberri: LOVE the idea and i think the execution is 80% there. the glittery blood is SO good. i just wish the skin looked more like skin and less like a trash bag? also lol at the silly little heels.

ork: jesus christ

throb: eh, whatever. why the pregnancy? i liked how unwholesome and distended the belly looked. maybe they could have leaned into that more?

winner: ork. i mean. come on. runner-up: blackberri based on concept alone.

GLAMOUR

oooh i just noticed the boulets' glove nails. we looooove

nio: best face, absolutely the most glamorous face. the bodysuit is good but i think it needs more rhinestones, or encrusted jewels from the sea, or something.

blackberri: nice but not especially glamorous? idk. i need more. and i haaaaated the necklace. it felt so out of place and like something i could get on aliexpress for 10 bux (and not in the ork "make something that cost next to nothing into art" way).

ork: i don't think it's uhhhh glamorous in the conventional way. i like it but i don't get 'glamour' from it. i think the number one ork critique (he can only do one thing) applies here.

throb: lmao this IS goth rupaul. complete with rose petal reveal. weird chest piece too. but unarguably glamorous. face was so good. also, they had the best performance. you can tell they were a burlesque performer. also, their gags finally worked :3 yaaaaay!

the music reminds me of the birthday massacre. nostalgic, to me.

winner: tie between nio and throb. this glamour section was probably the weakest of the three sections.

alright. all the sections are over.

based solely on the floor show i stand by my original assessment that it's nio's show to lose. throb (not memorable but quite good at what they do) and ork (one-trick pony, but that pony can fuckin PERFORM) tied for second. blackberri should not have made it this far. i do not think there should have been a top 4.

judging panel boulets again steal the show. i adore the wigs with the spiky sparkly gelled (?) points, and the luxurious big fluffy (feathery?) collars.

why tf are they hyping blackberri so much? what kind of dirt does she have on them? did something get lost in translation? is it something you have to see in real life and you're missing something otherwise?

aw at the boulets being nice to nio.

love the final lewks. my favorite is ork's because it's a callback to the dbz-looking thing he had for the blacklight challenge. nio's underwhelms me but it's a smart choice for if you're dunked in blood. the makeup is killer. throb's is ehhhh. blackberry's is quite glamorous and put together but insufficiently goth/weird for me. i do like the face pearls though!

YAAAAAAAAAY I WAS RIGHT NIO WON. and ork clapping his flippers in delight again :3

anyway. good season i guess. i hope jarvis is in a mental space where he's good to compete again for titans. and i hope there's nothing terrible that happened between nio and ork.

[luverofralts]

Arkhelios Adventures

Theo stared at his reflection for what felt like hours. He was officially a teenager now, with all the duties that came with growing up. His grandmother was tactless with her gift to him, but she wasn’t entirely wrong. He did need to start planning for the future. Was he going to study magic in college or would he get a more conventional degree? Did he want to follow what Adam's father expected him to do and join a witch coven? Did demons have covens too which might be more sympathetic to Theo? He'd have to ask Aunt Lucy the next time he saw her.

What if he started dating Adam and they went to different colleges? Could they handle a long distance relationship? Theo's own parents hadn't been able to and they'd had him tying them together in college. 

No, he couldn't compare himself to his parents. Adam probably didn't even like him back and here Theo was planning out their college years. He was getting ahead of himself. He hated feeling out of control of his life and worrying about the future, but he didn't know what else to do. Rien read her tarot cards for him whenever he asked, but those didn't guarantee a happy life. His sister could be wrong. 

I'm going to have to take control of my own destiny. It's time to show the world who I am and what I can do. The Great demons are afraid of me. The Sovereign is sponsoring my education. I'm Theo Goddamn Bellamy and I'm the Bellamy heir. I can do whatever I want...well, as long as my birthday money covers it.

Theo stared at his reflection again, feeling a new sense of pride in his appearance. Dying his hair his favourite colour was a great idea. He felt like an entirely new man, in charge of his life. 

Adam has to notice me now. Oops, I mean, I like my hair. It doesn't matter what he thinks of me. Your self worth isn't defined by the way guys see you. Aunt Ulyssa would be mad if she were here to hear me say that. Still…I hope he likes it all the same.

"Theo! Come down for lunch. Can you grab your brother out of his crib on your way down? He needs to eat too."

Theo rolled his eyes, but headed for his little brother's room regardless.

"Hey, Abe," he said, lifting the toddler into his arms. "It's lunchtime. Time for your gross baby food that you love to smear on my shirt."

Abe giggled for his brother at this and Theo ruffled his blonde hair playfully. The two headed for the kitchen where Roman was waiting with a sandwich for Theo and some pureed goop for Abe.

"Urgh, I can't believe he likes that garbage," Theo complained, gagging at the smell. "I know I never did."

Roman frowned, watching his sons make funny faces at each other. 

"Trust me, you loved this when you were his age," he said. "Just as much as you loved to smear it in your hair."

"Nope, you're just too old to remember right," Theo insisted. "That or you're confusing me for one of your other children. You do have a lot."

Theo didn't seem to have a malicious intention with his words, but they still made his father feel about two inches tall. His son had only been a teenager for a day and already he was being insensitive and rude. 

"I'm not going senile at thirty, Theodosius. And trust me, you were a very memorable baby."

The more Roman stared at his sons, the more he did remember Theo's baby years. All those nights of waking up to feed a screaming infant, of rocking him to sleep and finding him something to teethe on. Theo didn't look that far off from his parents when he was born and that was a problem. In just three short years, Theo would be the same age as Roman when he was born. Just three years.

Suddenly the room felt tighter and Roman struggled to breathe. His son could be holding a toddler just like his brother someday soon. Unlike his parents, Theo was good in school and talented with magic to the point of the demon sovereign taking a special interest in him. Him having a kid in his teens would slow him down, taking him away from the opportunities he deserved to have. Did he have a boy or girlfriend yet? Roman reviewed all the potential candidates his son had brought home with him, but none of them seemed to be especially flirty with Theo. In fact, Theo usually just went flushed and flustered when paid a compliment, so if he was hiding a romantic partner from his parents, he was uncharacteristically good at doing so.

They had some time before hormones kicked in surely. Roman would discuss strategies with his husband and they would be prepared for their son going through puberty. Their own lives had been torn apart by their teenage pregnancy and as much as they loved Theo, they would do anything to prevent him from following that same path.

[panick-pixie]

anyway I have CoD brain worms so here's a blurb I originally posted on Twitter. original idea here, thanks to the op for letting me take this and run.

Ghost x some proper fucking dental care

Contents: Price is a father figure, talk about dental care, nothing too serious, Ghost is a big ol stubborn baby, Price's love language is acts of service, NOT ship please don't tag it as that, this one is platonic and familial.

The conversation started when an overconfident new recruit made a snide comment about "British teeth" and Soap had to stop Ghost from beating his ass. He ended up having to see Price to report what happened and that's when the Captain found out that Simon hadn't been able to go to a dentist regularly at no fault of his own. So Price decided to take it upon himself (and his wallet) to get Ghost some proper dental care.

The first visit, Price didn't tell him where they were going, just said it was a surprise and boy Simon was surprised all right. He was anxious, not only would a stranger be poking around his mouth with metal tools, he knew his teeth weren't in the best shape and he'd have to allow said stranger to see at least part of his face and get all up in there. He hid it well though, gruff, curt and staring down everyone in the waiting room as if he could combust them just by thinking. It went well enough, he had a tooth that had to be removed and a few cavities filled and he handled it well. On the way back to base he kept poking his face, the feeling of numbing strange to him.

The second visit was a routine cleaning and that's when braces were recommended and Ghost groaned, another office building and another stranger messing around in his mouth. Price was more than happy to take him however and he knew it was for the best. The first visit to the Orthodontist went better than the dentist's, the waiting room was less formal and there was a big coffee maker that also made hot tea. The doctor was also nicer and he found himself relaxed until he found out he'd have to wear the damn metal things for two years. He was glad they wouldn't be put on right away and they'd need to take a mold of his mouth first, which was fine until he was gagging around the cold pink goop and metal plate used to make the mold.

A week later he was scheduled to get them put on and he was surprised that the process of putting them on was painless. When the braces were tightened the following month he started to regret allowing Price to take him to the orthodontist. Of course he had no trouble keeping them clean and no one dared to call Ghost "brace face" or "metal mouth".

The second month he had them the doctor recommended rubber bands to help bring his jaw forward and correct his slight overbite. The first time he snapped one was the second time he put them in by himself, he was alone in his barracks and let out a loud string of curses when his eyes began to get teary. The second time they snapped is when he was yelling at some poor recruit who had the misfortune of fucking something up. The rubber band made a sharp snap sound that anyone in the room could hear and Ghost hollered. He almost felt like punching the doctor when he gave him new, thicker rubber bands to wear.