#i would go on but im gonna be normal now
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complaining on main but my future mother-in-laws (who we live with) cousin is staying with us for the week and hes driving me insane for a handful of reasons but my top one is that the past two days when im the only other person home AND HE KNOWS THIS hes hanging out only in his underwear in our kitchen and living room
hes made comments about how he thinks his niece "also named jessica" is hot, made passive comments about how he hates my tattoos and has literally followed up learning my mom is also tattoo'd with "you two arent actually planning your wedding right" to casey
this man has never even met my partner before this past sunday
like i literally cannot get over the audacity of hanging out in your underwear with no shirt in a home youre a guest in and you have never met two of the three people that live there especially when you know the "girl" (on hrt nonbinary) is the only person home idk my dudes
#he also keeps calling my cat pussy and im gonna throw up#i left for work an hour early even tho its literally 3 minutes away bc i went downstairs to eat real quick and he asked to go thru my art#WHILE HES PRACTICALLY NAKED IN MY FUCKING HOME#also like not to be a bitch but hes been so passive aggressive about me and my lifestyle or whatever and its really pissing me off for a ma#that is literally sleeping in my bed while im sleeping on the futon with my future wife#GOD ALSO HE KEEPS pressuring us to go gamble with him while hes so cheap#i would go on but im gonna be normal now
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(OC Lore and design time!)
(it got longer again ... sorry ... idk how to make things short, i just need to talk, but i guess if you can read the written stuff in the pic thats the barest bare bones of what i wrote here)
i was asked what new lore story stuff i had thought about that made me sad which i mentioned a bit ago, and while that is too hard to explain given all the missing context i thought i could at least talk about lore having to do with it :D
so, (Lord) Eadrya is one of my fav OCs (big blue lad, here a rough sketch in humanoid form) they are both one of if not THE most powerful demon alive and the most battle trained;
at the mid point of the story the demon world gets invaded by the celestials (the angel inspired things i talked about in the previous lore post with Xaror) and Shargon, as the king, should be their first and only frontline, but at this point his life is only being sustained by maschinery after being mortally wounded, he cannot fight (he realizes what is going on, rips himself off the maschinery to get at least his youngest child to safety, barely managing it before dying- the guardian, the demons god, takes over his body to attempt to fight against the celestials but cant keep itself alive long enough since its host is already dead) Eadrya takes the role of the frontline fighter (despite being very full of themselves and aggressive they care about their 'job' of protecting their own, also giving them the chance to show off just how strong they are); the fight was going well for them all things considered, but when the guardian activates it drains the power of all elemental lords (which Eadrya is one of, and since they have the most strength it also takes the most from them), so much so that they lose the fight and suffer deadly wounds (the worst being a spear through the chest made of a material that grows hard, root-like formations when in contact with demonic blood like a fungus but worse, also stopping any self healing processes) after the guardian falls apart it creates a huge shockwave of energy that stuns every living thing within a certain distance and possibly more-
Eadrya (in true demon form, so like a blue whale in size at least) was likely taken through an active gateway to the human world in a large tidal wave also created by the guardians fall; they wash up in the harbor of a small secluded village, the head of which is 'lady 13'; although never having seen a demon before and everyone being afraid (largely thinking its a strange hurt animal, only she suspected otherwise), they still gather all villagers to pull out the celestial spear, which is diffcult and brutal given that its already taken root, but the village lacked both knowledge and means to help any other way- doing so damaged their heart which is how they were able to collect samples of all three demonic blood types ('normal' -red like humans-, energy -essentially purely magic- and heartblood -highly concentrated energy only found within the heart of a demon and the only one to contain genetic material) (this is the start of Eadryas character arc, having to deal with the fact that their world is likely destroyed, them failing what they didnt think they could fail, having lost a battle so badly (even if not really their fault) for the first time and not knowing if literally anyone else has survived .. also being now stuck in the human world, which they dont like)
Lady 13 (placeholder name? stands for experiment 13) is a human that was tricked by demon hunters to enroll into a series of experiments trying to create hybrids of demons and humans, which they hoped would be powerful and easily controllable tools for their endeavours, though the two are inherently not compatible, they tried grafting body parts of demons on humans to make them compatible- all experiments failed except for her, more or less, though she never got to see the hybrid she carried and was then told it had died too, they threw her out believing she wouldnt survive much longer either and all such experiments were cancelled due to the high cost of human life, research material (demons are still rare) and upkeep with no successful results Lady 13 survived though (perhaps even via the pirates picking her up?) and she ended up living in said small village far away, hiding her half demonic body, though most know there soemthing 'wrong' with her (her being this tall when it doesnt fit the rest for one), only few know the full extent; she enjoys the life she has now, perhaps on the more poor side but safer and more loved than ever before; she largely lead the efforts to try and help Eadrya when they ended up in the harbor, though there wasnt that much anyone could do it was still enough- they leave immediately after waking up, but return after really having nowhere to go and struggling to deal with everything that has happened; over time (probably years) they start to open up towards the people there (though not .. very much) enough to get rather close with Lady 13 too- she actually falls madly in love but after Eadrya (extremely aro/ace) rejects all her attempts quite clearly she respects their boundaries
However, after hearing news of potential demon sightings Eadrya decides to leave in hopes of not being the last demon left after all; Lady 13 then decides to reveal her secret to them (though hearing and seeing what lengths hunters would go to for their experiments makes them absolutely seething with rage- she insists on not being out for revenge) and asks if they would be willing to donate a small amount of heartblood; shes always wanted to be a mother but is now incompatible with humans too- through things she picked up back at the experiments facillity, hers and her doctors research she is sure that is all that is needed, she dares to ask since she does not know when, if ever, she will meet another demon, much less one she could actually trust enough for this though Eadrya hesitates (why would she want to go through the same thing again that didnt work and threatened her life, if it does work, do they want to be involved with any of this? what if hunters find out it worked after all?) but after her ensuring that they would have no part in it other than giving up a little blood and would not be considered a parent in any way, nor made responsible for anything that might happen to her, but considering it all in the end they agree to it
only for her to reveal shes had a small bottle of it already, along with multiple samples of the other types, which she collected when Eadrya was bleeding out into the harbor not knowing if they will survive, though not wanting to make use of it without their consent either way (they are actuallly rather touched by this)
alot later the main group returns here and it turns out to have worked (though she is unable to walk/bedridden for a long while bc it did alot of damage to her body, which can heal since its demons parts, but only really slowly bc she does not have a full functioning system and no demonic blood of her own -she uses the other samples for the healing process-) though its a little awkward to explain, especially considering that 13.1 took alot after Eadrya xD (their theory as to why it worked so "well" that time is that even though the sample was already taken, them giving their consent for it still made it less likely to be rejected; demons dont need partners to have offspring, and all can do it, they just have to decide to- so them agreeing to it, even though its long been outside their body, still had an effect on the blood sample)
#ganondoodles#art#ocs#original art#oc lore#demons#monsters#WHY does writing things liek this take me so long#i spent two hours again on this and im falling asleep as we speak bc its almost 2 am#ANYWAY this was alot again ... sorry#but its a relatively new storyline that i have been afraid of telling#since it touches on things im afraid might come across wrong and uses themes im a lil uncomfy with#but i found it interesting ... and works well with eadrya as a character bc it challenges alot about them#yes im wrote and mean this genuinely#i would have made the cut from her human body to the demon parts more smooth ... but this hard cut is the point#so that she looks rather normal on the upper part and can hide the rest#thoguh im unsure about the color scheme and if maybe i should be more creative with the demons parts#then again its largely just legs lol#if anyone actually reads this ........ i hope it comes across correctly#i like to use darker and more mature themes but am riddled with anxiety over how it will be understood#im gonna work on zelda comic stuff again now .. sorry for all the oc spam#but if there are questions PLEASE feel free to ask im pretty sure i have answers to almosst anything?#also i havent thought of a name for her or the kid .. though im starting to like lady 13#13.1 wont do as a name though poor kid deserves a proper name after already being a weird hybrid that shouldnt exist#either way ... going to bed now GOODNIGHT q-q#(any typos are excused by me being deadly tired ok)
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let us see ur collar!!!! w the pearls!
so cute right !!!!!!!??????
#eww why my forehead shining like that wtf#it looks like a normal necklace :3 no one would know its a collar ajhjhhehehehe#i had the package opened at the pet store and the lady said it was cute too and i said yeahhh its for my dog c: (lying)#altho it does kinda make me want to get an actual collar now aiqsh but i rlly tried looking for one but theyre all so uglyytgyt#i kinda had to adjust it a bit at first bc it was kinda choking me i mean lol nice but i do like to breath whenever i go outside#i added a few cm of like those metal thingies and also i want to get a bigger ribbon so it looks like a nice bow at the back#the ribbon it came with was shit so....#i want a small bell too so its cuterrr#damn im gonna customize the hell out of this thing#hoes in da closet
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someone over the age of 30 tell me it’s gonna be ok
#im turning thirty at the beginning of next year and trying not to have a meltdown about it 😭#I’ve actually been having one continuous meltdown about it since I turned 25#WHY IS IT SO SCARY!! WHY AM I LIKE THIS!#being 30 is literally such a normal thing to be 😭#and I keep thinking I’ve gotten over it (I have done a lot of mental preparation this year) but then I still get overcome by Panic!!!#and my birthday isn’t even for months#help👯♀️ sos😍#who in my fandoms is over 30 🥺🥺 guys hold my hand I’m being a baby about being old#as usual#i was supposed to have my life figured out by now but I have even less figured out than I did when I was like 22 I think .#how did I go BACKWARDS#I want to be a good example for the 20-somethings and tell them it’s all fine but I’m always freaking out so .#gonna need the 30-somethings to step in and be a good example for ME#I am soon to be one of you so if you would be so kind as to extend a gracious welcome and ignore my sobbing. thank u#wise beautiful powerful 30-somethings. thank you#mine
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ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH DEAR FRIENDS, ONCE MORE
prequel
i still have to do BJ's neck [jaw is finished, neck is not. Hawk's neck is tho], and finish the mustache, plus some fine touching to make everything Perfect [bjs forehead, hawk's lips, etc] but. other than that i am DONE with these old heads. fabric is so much easier than faces so im not even stressin abt it. my wrist. it aches.
im FREE no more HAIR except BLURRY STUFF SO NOT LOTS OF DEFINITION
bonus; the end of the journey
#mash#mash 4077#hawkeye pierce#bj hunnicutt#mash fanart#mash art#m*a*s*h#mashblogging#work in progress#theres a button on my tiny tiny stylus that i usually never use. it does the colourpicker#which is faster than selecting the eyedropper and switching back to paintbrush#however. it makes it so i cant hold it normally/comfortably because i need to have a fingie on the button#which is fine! i just wont use the button/wont use it often#except the HAIR means i have to eyedrop a new colour every 2 seconds because im brute forcing it instead of doing it in a smart way#so i gotta do hand yoga and its. not good for me#BUT. the hair is done. except for the mustache but thats like 30 mins vs 4-6 hours so im ok w/ it#im gonna go eat cake now cause i promised myself i would. as a treat#also gamers. theres like 4 different layers rn texturing hawk's hair its not even funny#the salt and pepper is killing me quickly#in many ways actually
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Genshin Spoilers
Okay okay lemme cook for a second.
Anyone else find the blood purity and relations shit weird?
Like what we know now is that Caribert died at age 8 in the creation of the loom of fate. So therefore Caribert has no heir and was also regarded as an illegitimate child by Clothar and that his mother is of Mondstandt origin. So he is not pureblood which is why he was turned into a hillichurl.
We can make assumptions that Clothar had no other children with this woman or if he did, they are still monsters and not able to repoduce, so therefore there are no halfblood heirs of Clothar.
Next I have to talk about race and geography since I’m such a nerd about this crap. So many characters should have darker complexions based on how much sun they get (Sumeru desert, Natlan, and Liyue, PLAYABLE character not just NPCs.) Like if Mualani looks dark compared to 90% of the cast, we have a problem.
So let’s assume Teyvat is a globe and it’s laid out on a flat map for us to see. Let’s also assume that the climate is similar to earth. Let’s assume the equator is around the center so like above most of Liyue and Sumeru. Parts of Mondstandt being based on Italy, it should have a medeterranean climate, therefore melanin, but I digress. Okay so the Sumeru deserts and Natlan are close to the equator. Inazuma would be closer to the South Pole and has a harsh climate hence people not getting sun. (This is also ignoring places like Fontaine which is based on France, where yes, Black people exist in real life, but I digress). The only playable characters with dark(er) skin as well as NPCs are from Natlan and Sumeru (and also Xinyan for some reason).
We also know from Dainsleif, Halfdan, and the Sinners, that they use Norse names. Also Khaenri’ah being underground would mean they got little to no natural light. So it’s safe to assume pureblood Khaenriahs are white as fuck.
With this knowledge, wtf is going on with Kaeya?
We also have to examine how this curse works. If all the non pure bloods were turned into monsters, it’s safe to assume they can’t reproduce. Also judging by Kaeya very clearly being a child in the past and growing up with Diluc, it’s safe to assume that the modern Khaenri’ahns have a normal lifespan (unless being halfblood is what dictates that). It may have diminished or weakened over time, throughout the generations. We don’t know the exact mechanics but we can assume that Kaeya has a normal lifespan. I know Hoyo is gonna try to say he’s pureblood and not explain stuff but logically, no. When he sees Dain he comments “you’re a pureblood Khaenri’ahn” implying that, he, Kaeya, is not that. Also there’s the Sumeru trip when he was young. Assuming that his father is the one with the Alberich surname, which makes sense judging by how surnames usually work, we can assume that Kaeya’s mother was the one who isn’t Khaenri’ahn.
We can assume that the only Khaenrians who could reproduce from that original cursed generation were the ones who retained human form (pure bloods). We can also assume that Kaeya is a descendent of one of Clothar’s pure blood children. He probably had an affair with Caribert’s mother out of wedlock. We can also assume that more blood mixing naturally occurred over time. So either Kaeya’s family has been mixed for awhile and it’s no big deal, or more likely, Kaeya’s father had an affair with Kaeya’s mother out of wedlock. Judging by how dark he is compared to the majority of characters, his Indian inspired outfit for his in-game skin, the trade trip to Sumeru, when he was young, and the geographical proximity, it’s safe to assume that Kaeya’s mother is probably Sumerian (and likely from the desert and Eremite affiliated). I could go deeper into what I think may have happened but for sake of brevity, it’s very possible and likely that one reason Kaeya was sent as a spy and to Mondstandt and not made an heir to the clan has to do with the fact that he’s an illegitimate child.
Okay, another additional note. Ragnvindr is a Norse name, make of that information what you will.
#sorry but I overthink everything#I have autism#genshin impact#Genshin spoilers#kaeya#khaenri'ah#wtf is going on#abyss order#I have questions#I’m not trying to be racist I’m only observing how the game itself uses skin tone#which is obviously a problem because dark skinned people exist in European countries#and don’t get me started on Sumeru and Natlan#im white but genuinely enjoy diversity because if everyone was like me that would be boring#all types of diversity like race gender age ability etc#if they’re gonna take from those cultures they should commit#point is that this is a separate issue#but something is still up with kaeya#im just observing what’s actually in the game#plus the clothes and stuff#like Kaeya’s alt outfit#no way that dude is Norse#also like geographically#if tayvat is similar enough to earth#it’s not gonna be 1 to 1#but you get the idea#when they made kaeya their either had some big lore planned or were just trying to be diverse and are now backpedaling#if he’s descended from Clothar and he’s normal age the curse must have faded through generations#also question where are all the other immortal people from that curse#where is Clothar#unless I missed something
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i love crazy contrasting 1p2p in every way(not every way). so i always subconsciously have 2P rusame be friends. unlikely friends etc. in whatever weird school au theyre friends. meri was probably bullied until he started hissing at other kids or something while rus2 was just like huhh okay yeah okay what fine. rus2 found him in a broom closet and it was as awkward as it sounds. in the weird stuckin1Pcoldwar au i have theyre friends also in the torturous existence. 1P rusame is too weird life is too short lets tomodachi✌️
#in comparison 1p rusame would be school insane psychological games social competition nerds MID OFF#2ptalia#i like the jp fanart where 2p ame is pitiful and gloomy. its cute#a little wannabe edgy but spare him he was left in the rain in a cardboard box when he was 2 years old.#i keep imagining a gay school au sorry. im gonna say shit now#rus2 is blunt and kind of. bad at reading signals. accidentally drags him and meri into karaoke with ame(enigmatic popular kid)#meri is like fuck my life... but he has a killer bitch face so people are like uwaa scary... hes brooding...#rus2 is like ah sorry i forgot you never had a normal teen friendship and clung onto (nada) all the time#meri is always coping like these people... dont get it... hes half right#they go to karaoke and ame sings really off key#actually i have a common daydream where ame's elusiveness is really funny to meri#he's like hahahaha what the hell that kids crazy ahahaha. like laughing at a cartoon#and then somehow he keeps being approached by ame (slow trying to step away) hes like noo... i dont actually wanna get close to u at all...#meri and rus2 probably play observers theyre quiet kids who go hmm im nooticing!#observing 1p rusames weirdship that everybody can see but they don't think anyone notices their crazyship#and rus2 is like oh two people talking and interacting alot. theyre friends. its just like a rivalry thing yeah?#while meri is like fuckkk the fucking golden boy is talking to us when ame talks to them rus2 is like#why dont you invite (rusia) to the karaoke arent you two friends#(ame mania face turns around)#okay thats all i got bye
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Ok, drop your favourite characters and ships from the Three Musketeers, queen. <3
the answer is pretty simple actually <3
Aramis is my babygirl, my murder kitten, my favourite little princess, my rotten soldier, my sweet cheese... truly one of the characters of all time. to me. and he ages like fine wine - the older, the more cruel and ruthless and cunning and evil he gets, the better.
im a die-hard Athos/Aramis truther 🙏 i also adore the whole thing Aramis and Madame de Chevreuse have going on, especially their fucked up little divorce in the last book, it's insane and i'm obsessed with it. I do also think Aramis and d'Artagnan are long overdue for some quality hatesex sesh! and none of these are mutually exclusive, the opposite actually. basically i live for and breathe the entire d'Artagnan/Athos/Aramis/Marie drama. it's everything to me <333
#im also a huge fan of the weird psychosexual relationship he has with fouquet in the last book... did they fuck? idk! idc!#i think it would actually be more fucked up if they didnt so im gonna go with that lol#now i know its not a popular opinion but i dont buy the fan favourite porthos/aramis ship AT ALL im sorryyyyy#i just feel like aramis's relationship to athos is so so important to his character and it gets overlooked a lot#because of the easy schematic d'art/athos & aramis/porthos division. but it just doesnt really work for me#now i could talk about the relationship between aramis and d'artagnan for hours but i think one of the most important things#is that they both need to be absolutely psychosexually obsessed with athos and they both need to clock the other immediately.#i also think the aramis and porthos relationship is also very very important even if it's not romantic in nature#i actually think the ending they get hits harder if it isn't (and the ending with athos hits more if it is.#i will never be normal about their last scene together. it was written specifically to haunt me.)#BUT ALSO! i do like to think that they all fucked. i mean come on. dumas knew what he was doing.#as for other fav characters i have a strong love-hate relationship with d'artagnan lol#mordaunt and milady ofc 🙏 they should have been allowed to fucking kill them all <33#but aside from aramis my fav is actually marie aka mme de chevreuse. we dont get a lot of her in person but she's a fascinating character#especially being a woman in a dumas story. she's special. to me <33333 i still think she should have been allowed#to get aramis's head at the end. her salome swag would be INSANE 💖💅✨#the three musketeers#^^girl who said the answer is short and simple#oh i also adore constance!!! at the beginning ofc before dumas nerfs her into little more than tragic love interest for d'artagnan :(#montalais and malicorne too ofc 🙏 het couple of all time. to me.
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Rip Noel you were just too pretty and Kayne couldn’t deal with the competition
#kayne knew he would loose#hes up against the prettiest man of all times#i have never seen a noel design that is not attractive#look away mutuals im being gay over podcast men again#Blacked out for an hour and when i came too i had this infront of me#IT HAS BEEN SO FUCKING LONG SINCE I HAVE HAD THE MOTIVATION TO DRAW ANYTHING THIS BIG#aka this art style and the fact this is a whole a4 page when usually i work in teeny tiny#the power of noel#LOOK ITS THE FICTIONAL LOVE OF MY LIFE#In like a platonic way where i wanna go to a tea shop with him and eat cake#im so normal about him#Spent more time trying to think of a cool thing to caption this with than it took for me to draw it#noel malevolent#noel finley#charlie dowd#malevolent podcast#malevolent#malevolent fanart#pencil art#traditional art#malevolent noel#detective noel#I havent used this artstyle in so long#the hyperfixation on the podcast man really will just draw out the old skills#golly gee gosh i love him#when i post the initial design sketches for this fucker your all gonna be so disappointed he is so much cooler here#Sleepy times now#goodnight
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introducing xephos: the hero, the villain and the spectre haunting this narrative
#putting my unhinged 'yogslabs as the play hamlet' meta in the tags because im cringe anyWAY#so! hamlet doesn't kill claudius because hes afraid he'll go to heaven#xephos doesn't kill rildernstern because he wants *proof* someone was against him - maybe he wanted to prove something to honeydew?#prove he wasn't evil or paranoid and that people really were out to get him#but he didn't realise it wasn't only him who was in trouble because even though he ran yoglabs - you can't only kill one of them.#theyre a matched set. the other would destroy you.#also!! xephos is both the king (his past heroics haunting the narrative and effecting his and honeydew's choices)#claudius (the usurper destroying hamlets legacy) and hamlet himself (alongside honeydew - the heroes of our story)#with lalna as ophelia (hamlet/xephos' actions driving him to madness and unnatural action)#i still need to draw ophelia!lalna gimme like. a day. it will be done#ough just. xephos as hamlets cunning and ruthlessness but his natural inclination to overthink and ruin. and honeydew as the rare moments#of sweetness and relief. honeydew as horiatio who *is* hamlet's moments of respite#im not normal about hamlet. we all knew i wasn't normal about yogs so i dont feel the need to put a disclaimer for that but Ugh#gonna draw now i think
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I really wish that antis stopped using real life sa victims in their shit especially since they tell real life sa victims that we deserved our assaults cos we all handle our trauma differently.
#sa mention#proship#fandom discourse#fiction is the closest i can feel to normal cos my severe ptsd irl makes me violent if strangers so much as brush up against me#we all handle it differently and yes i write utterly fucked up shit to desensitize myself & somehow managed to stabilized through the years#despite me still having my snappy “scary” moments if people touch me without permission and i punched a dude for standing too close to my#back. he was literally smelling me and i lost my shit and now im banned from that walgreens but meh#now im unloading in the tags but if you're an anti sincerely gfy cos y'all literally attack sa victims on here like its your day job#y'all also don't know the first thing about psychology cos guess who's a psychologist here??? yes this unhinged bitch that covers up like a#gothic church mommy and cusses like a trucker is an actual professional in the field. i studied thinking studying psychology would make me#cope better... it somewhat did help but i should have just gone to a therapist rather than bottling in a going to a freaking university#yes i troll and say fucked up shit on here. this is a social media for my fandom shit so i aint gonna act like the doc i was ages ago and#fiction actually can help some people (especially those like me who are still having violent ptsd eps affecting them) little by little#retake their lives back#there's other forms of therapy but not everything works for everyone and its ridiculous to put all victims under the same umbrella#and its condescending and ignorant af to expect all sa victims to be your perfect little victims of convenience and treat us like crap cos#not all of us fit your toxic narrative of attacking freaking fake people in a nonexistent fictional world.#i have friends that are sa victims that can't handle it in fiction but they know thats my mechanism. since im a now retired professional#i have done everything i can to help them cos yes there's multiple ways to help victims cope with this. even regression exercises help#but that's another thing#and it involves multiple sessions. i no longer practice but can teach people some techniques to regulate their emotions in high stress#situations cos the aftermath of sa is brutal regardless of how you cope with it#you'll need a support group to catch you when you can't handle it sometimes. you're not alone or broken. pls know this
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i hate being slow as hell. what is wrong with me bro WE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE THIS STUPID
#doesnt matter what i do someones always gonna point it out at some point or another#theres always gonna be someone to make me feel stupid#for all intents and purposes i might as well be missing half my brain . at least then id have a good reason for being this way. smfh#nah . i am forever going to be fucking pissed off at how every adult in my life failed me. maybe i would be okay if someone just fucking#helped me. if someone just fucking noticed my existence and saw something was wrong. but no one did. and now im like this.#now im like this and nobody is going to help me. and they'll think im fucking braindead. or fucking treat me like a child. BECAUSE THEY DO#BECAUSE I KEEP FUCKING SEEING IT. THEY DONT EVEN KNOW AND YET THEY DO IT. I GUESS THEY SMELL IT OR SOMETHING#its not even like theyre wrong in treating me like that either . i dont think i can do fucking anything without being guided and coaxed.#its just another reminder ill never be normal. and i hate that#i hate being disabled. i hate being disabled. i hate being disabled.#toxi.txt
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puella magi rue magica!!!!
#my doodles#oc tag#rue tag#the words in this drawing are from the midi bunny song 'magical girl(s)' which is a very good song you should listen to#this drawing is kinda just a quick thing because ive been tired and boring lately so i havent had much energy to draw and stuff#sorry.. but i'll go back to normal again soon probably. i haven't drawn a magical girl in a while#and i wanted to draw rue as a magical girl for ages now#so yeah :3 the wand shes holding is the cutie moon wand from sailor moon btw#i think rue would enjoy sailor moon. i mean have you ever met a bunny girl that doesn't like sailor moon?#its in their blood. sailor moon is bunny girl territory#okay my cat just started climbing up my shelf so im gonna stop typing tags for this and tell him to stop knocking stuff down ..
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still haven't moved on from zane in this episode (aka I hit tag limit again and am unhappy about it)
#alek insanity#not gonna main tag this but prepare for a tiny rant#home is actually really good zane characterization and its super cool to me how it holds up to this day#s1 characterization is very specific to me because the behaviors displayed by the ninja there (mostly) isnt bc thats how they really are but#its due to societal pressure. cole originally being more 'stone faced tough guy' -> 'down to earth' -> 'really sensible easy to talk to guy'#is because hes always been a sensitive guy... but he felt he couldnt express that true version of himself. thats the whole thing behind his#true potential. jay going from s1 -> s6 -> now is less of societal pressure and more teenager figuring himself out but it still applies. ish#seeing how much the ninja have changed or grown from then to now is amazing because back then they all wore masks. they didnt know each#other all that well. but theyve gained that comfortability with each other and also have grown and matured as people#some seasons / eps characterization for certain people im not a fan of (lloyds random misogyny arc in s13) but i mean the overall trend here#and then there is zane. zane in home was pretty dead on to how he behaves now (at least... when it comes to his faults?) and i dont want to#say people skim over that but i am the sf proclaimed n1 s1e2 fan and overthink every scene. zane's early characterization is some of my fav#for him period. he also goes through a ton of traumatic stuff and a ton of bad writing bouts but why he acts so 'weird' or 'distant' has#always been a thread sewn in. he changed so much he stayed the same in a way... if that makes sense. -> ohhh the ninja get mail and he#doesnt? oh he has no family? he quite literally walks away from that situation. oh the ninja are yelling in his face and asking whats wrong#with him? he literally walks away from that situation. he says its to follow the falcon but seeing how he apologized to them by not only#baking a ton of pies (cough... the food fight is what led to him leaving at first) but he also found them a whole entire new house.#zane is unable to truly value what he does for others. insert him in s11 saying he 'tried' to fufill his goal of protecting others.#everything he has ever done still isnt good enough. then the ninja tried to apologize and he didnt really... let them.#that one post about characters putting on facades and that facade being how people really see them. even in fandom. thats zane to me#the guy who lies about being upset and avoids his problems ran away after being yelled at? and he said he wasnt really mad? that is a lie!!#him being a ~360 when it comes to his character development is neat to me because he never hid behind a mask in the same way the others did#cole wanting to seem tough vs being really soft? kai wanting approval so bad he starts being selfish? kai isnt selfish usually!#he is self centered but that is a whole different thing. just wanting to fit in and breaking free of that. zane's true potential came in the#form of 'i finally know why i am not normal' instead of 'i will be my true self'. zane never pretended to not be weird#(instert book) states he literally didnt know why people got mad at him. he just existed and it was 'wrong'. the mask he hid behind was#avoidance. he was pretty open about how he actually was (most of the time). when he was upset he would audibly sigh and walk away lol#but for him saying he wasnt upset / saddened by the ninja... it felt like a moment of selflessness. if that makes sense. he blamed himself#for the monestary burning down. so he didnt deserve the apologies (ish) in the virtues of spinjitzu zane is shown as the generous one iirc#he puts the needs of others over his own. he will bear whatever burden he needs if others are happy. at that same time he doesnt allow
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society if sonic games didnt always leak a few days early
#i swear to god it happens every time . and its always target specificlaly putting the game out early too#the fact that stuff is leaking now AND digital deluxe players are going to get it early#AND im not gonna get to play it until a couple days After the normal release date . im actually going to die#wouldnt be so bad if the people who are managing to get the game early#would at least just keep it to themselves and people who actually wanna see the leaks. like come on man#its coming out in less than a week you arent gonna die if you dont publicly post all that stuff right now#thankfully i havent seen anything too major but its still so annoyinggggg
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its important to go see a low stakes concert sometimes
#as in seeing someone in concert youre not an absolute nutbag about (as i have done this year and last year)#but last night me n my dad went and saw renaissance on their farewell tour#running on like 4 hours of sleep and seething to be at work right now#or rather i would be seething if i weren't so tired#new anger management hack: just get less sleep so your senses are dulled! anyway#funniest part of the night was the multiples times when my dad who is old was like 'everyone here is so old :/'#he was literally like 'if i ever get like these people just shoot me' LMAO#the concert was good i wouldn't call it like great or fantastic but such is the beauty of a low stakes concert#youre not living and dying on every song youre not singing along to everything youre just. enjoyin the show normally which is crazy#again as someone who has seen two bands (both bands two separate times and is seeing one of those bands a THIRD TIME soon) im crazy over#that experience is fun its bonkers and you definitely gotta do it for the bands youre crazy over. you gotta#but it was nice to just. have a regular time at a show#as far as the show itself there were a few little moments where things didnt go as smooth but that may have been bc it was the first show#and save for a few moments in some songs annie haslam knocked it out of the park she can still sing as insanely good as she used to#again some parts of songs were in a lower key? but most seemed to be the same and she was still hitting those bonkers high notes#so good for her. the band was pretty good but i felt they really only like all worked together well on a few songs#if that makes sense. but overall pretty good#and my anxieties about getting there and back were unfounded bc somehow it all worked. yay#our car service trip home was in a tesla i felt like i was gonna die the entire ride home lol#i am NEVER getting in one of those stupid cars again. big ass ipad as your dashboard this is insane???? im so scared???#anywho. old musicians are forever as ive been saying lately. and they really are#oh also we were at the town hall which is a nice small theater i was worried abt bein too far away but it's laid out really well#in that you're sure to get a pretty good view of the stage#it seems like half the size roughly of the beacon for whatever thats worth#OH i did see one dude somewhere in the audience with a sparks shirt so. hashtag represent#yet another concert report. yayyyyy#(im so tired)
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