#i would be ostracized in this fucking town Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[zokimaga]

What if i just spend all my saved up money on diagnosis and tests and hrt,,,, hrhrhgrgh

[shoyosoneandonlywife]

INCOMING RANT

Yoshida Shoyo is a virgin and I stand by that😤

(with proof and analysis)

I definitely could have added more info on why I think that this is so cuz I have many more things that would stand as proof so ill add on a bit more. Read below 👇🏽

this is the same text but in video format but the scenes at the back in some places can be considered as back up for my post😭

MORE ANALYSIS BELOW 👇🏽

1. Total ostracism

He was ousted since he was a kid and it lasted for centuries. He was literally TORTURED for simply existing my man did nothing to warrant this hell but oh well that's humans of the past for you. It should be known that his whole 1000+ years of life, not one soul had bothered to help or stand up for him, because nobody knows what it's like to be in his state and never bothered to sympathise with him.

2. Disgusted by humans

He has literally called humans disgusting many times, and yet it's not even the most insulting thing he has called humans. He's a certified hater to the point that he could be considered a racist(discriminates the human race and kinda every other life form in the universe)

Mostly someone would say oh but he's been alive for over a 1000 years something definitely happened. Yes something did, hate and pain and agony is what happened😭😭😭 first few centuries, were different methods of killing and torturing him, then for about 500 years I think, he was rotting away in a cell in a cave.

And then the next 500 years he was killing mfs left and right. I can safely assume that after his break from jail, when he immediately started killing the first group of humans that he met, he literally means he wanted to get rid of anyone he laid eyes on💀 Man didn't just despise, he was REVOLTED.

An important qns that could come up is what if when he was yoshida shoyo (for around 15 years). It's a very short amount of time compared to his lifespan isn't it☠️ Also not to forget the fact as I mentioned before, he was still heavily discriminated and feared. Also He was chased out of every town or village he travelled to, hence the title that he's a wanderer(along with gintoki).

(This could possibly have been the fact that the people recognised him as either the immortal demon or as the leader of Naraku) However it could also contribute to the fact that his revolutionary teachings were bothering the townsfolk's norms, thus the community unrest resulting in chasing him out.

Idc what anyone says a man who was so intensely and ruthlessly tortured would have a dead libido, man has literally experienced death like a daily occurrence. It was frequent ritual to come back from the dead, he has literally seen death and had tea with it, and is used to it he would NOT gaf about his dick which probably stays dead too with how many times he's been killed.

I could say the same for physical attraction because, firstly, his deep hate,more emphasis on DISGUST and DISCRIMINATION he holds for humans as well as for living beings on every other planet in the universe as Utsuro is well known. But as for yoshida shoyo, the compassionate man, I would consider him a man above worldly pleasures, as his immortality, past lives and wisdom(along with how tired he is of everyone) can attest to that.

3. Man beyond societal pressures and standards

Considering that he's a certified menace to society from birth till death, along with the menaces he trained. Safe to say he would not give any fucks about being socially acceptable even as yoshida shoyo he was still a force to be reckoned with, he was in no way submissive(the scene where he rushes to protect his kids amd threatens a bunch of men that he'll collapse the whole government because HE COULD).

With the way he has lived his life and all the events he has gone through, societal expectations/cues would actually mean nothing to him(along with his lifespan), He had become numb to the minds and behaviours of humans long ago. He has no need to go out of his way to do or say anything that does not please him and has no one to appease to. The only reason he surrendered when the Naraku came for him was to not jeopardize the safety of his students.

He COULD have easily fought them off, but after twenty years or so he probably got tired again of constantly running from the naraku(he did say at one point he was tired of running). And he was also confident in the beginnings of revolution and strong spirits he had sowed into the students he taught.

His teachings were considered as revolutionary and forward thinking, he took a new approach to life that breaks away from the stigmatised version of what was initially taught to young people and his method encouraged individualism and soul searching along with self sufficiency and inner peace, atleast to pack all of his teaching's purpose in a nutshell(definitely encapsulates much more than these ideas).

The new outlook he had begun to teach was seen as rebellious and as a fire that had to be snuffed out before its influence could spread. This further solidifies the idea that he was rather more taken with the notion that each individual pursues their own ambitions and their own rules of life, rather than conforming to the society's expectations upon them at the time he was a teacher. The principle of a man following his own rules set upon his own soul can be found in Gintoki as well, which were the concepts of individuality Shoyo had passed down to his students.

In the current years as far as I know nobody really judges you for your sex life but hookup culture was more "normalised" a few decades ago, cough cough millennials cough cough. E.g. sorachi making constant cherry/virgin jokes. No matter how normalised or societal standard anything maybe, shoyo was FARRRR from normal, bet that he would be the polar opposite of any type of expectation society normally has. And society does largely normalise as men sleeping around or even encouraged to sleep around, some reasons for that is to prove they have a sex drive yappa yappa bunch of bullshit.

Further emphasised by my point that Yoshida Shoyo is a Man that Never conforms to societal expectations, no matter what personality he was in, from his original birth till his last death(1,700+ years when he died) in silver soul and I stand by that. As to why he would never even bother to get involved in romantic or sexual intentions is also explained in this post.

The ordinary person who has been through many struggles in their life would already stop caring about what society thinks or says even when we would have been indoctrinatedfrom young, at one point. And as for Yoshida shoyo who has been treated nothing but cruelly and inhumanely from the start, a treatment to an extent no other being would ever be able to experience. And then found compassion and humanity within himself to go forward, even if it was only a mere 15 years, would never even stop to think about what other people expect or would say and criticise, always.

Moreover, despite shoyo being human, he is not ordinary as I have repeatedley stated, and the way he was born human is also not the way anyone else has been created and come into existence.

It's clear for us throughout gintama that shoyo viewed being alive and having a body as a burden, immensely. So it's obvious that a body that pains his soul to have would not be worried about pleasure in a physical sense. As aforementioned in the first part(twitter post), he would not even bother to think about it given his life incidents.

And as an individual, for 1. he is very mentally ill and at war within himself,

2. he's seen too many things in life and is traumatised to an unimaginable extent.

3. nobody would ever be able to truly understand or sympathise with him.

4. with the way his character is he seems self sufficient and independent, thus losing the need to find gratification in anyone else physically, emotionally and mentally.

Instead he had a lot of wisdom and knowledge to share and demonstrate to the world instead, hence his choice to become a teacher(starting/working in a temple school).

4. Not human nor programmed to be humane.

Shoyo was born human(but born directly from mother earth and came out of one of the dragon holes which each shrine monitors), but due to unforeseen circumstances he ended up becoming a being of altana or was born with altana in his blood. So from a very young age he was programmed to be much different from the average human. He himself, due to all the abuse and visceral disgust aimed towards him, stopped considering himself a human and instead became a monster, not human, and was even deprived from any sort of human normalcy. As Yoshida shoyo, he would have not valued anything the average person would, he is not normal. (in a good and bad way).

Moreover gintama has many references deep-rooted into Buddhism and Shoyo was basically akin to a monk during his teaching era.

He chose to run his private school as a TEMPLE school and I have a theory that since gintoki had found shoyo reborn and being taken care of in one of the shrines near the dragon hole, I assume that when shoyo had first come into origin, he was also taken in by the monks in the shrine at first, and raised for a while until he was discovered to be immortal, to which he was then subject to endless torture and deaths by the common populace during that era.

None of his personalities via his split personality would ever delve into pleasurable ways, because, exempting his personality of yoshida shoyo, every other personality was an extension of Utsuro, who wanted nothing to do with humans and wished for the extinction of them. So excluding his hundred other extensions of his mind(personalities), his singular personality, can definitely be perceived and considered as a zen master/monk.

Heres a link to a shoyo analysis(at the end of the post), it delves into the life and character arc of yoshida shoyo, along with his connections and references to Buddhism. And importantly how his death signifies nirvana, nirvana means to break the cycle of life, and to do that, some points to achieve this are to go beyond the worldly/materialistic aspects of life, which shoyo has already mastered in my opinion. Atleast as yoshida shoyo, excluding his other personalities.

The only thing stopping him from being freed was his suffering and absolute pain which even resulted in him becoming mentally deranged. His suffering was the only thing stopping him from absolution.

In a way, Utsuro yearned for nirvana too(shoyo is no different from utsuro in the ways of his soul no matter the amount of personalities, hes still just one soul, one man), but went about it in a more "all encompassing" method💀 because his nihilism was at its peak within him, with his history of genocide as a fuel to his ambitions. He wanted to truly end not just his existence and consciousness but everything that exists as a whole. As he believed as Utsuro it would be a more fitting way to end ALL cycles once and for all (perpetuated agenda by his hatred).

In the end, obviously as he has repeatedly stated, he yearned for death, the end of the cycle. And a man who yearns for death, would not consider anything else in his life other than leaving the very body that is nothing more than a burden to him. And vehemently strived to dissolve his soul to put a full stop to the endless agony that he knows and calls life.

Link: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSFGagoWo/

I greatly recommend u check out my other post too! where I delve into Shoyo's mental illness, Multiple personality disorder and how that made his journey tougher to make peace within himself and finally die as yoshida shoyo.

End of my post I hope that everyone realises I'm always right when it comes to my love, shoyo😝.

[thecloudstan]

(Part 1) Hi, I'm the multi-part headcanon asks nonnie. Thanks for the heads-up, and no worries. Ever since I read ToTP, it made think how outdated Nibelheim is when it comes to "traditional" roles when it comes to women and it just went from there, I don't believe there isn't any bigotry in the world. I think you also mentioned something similar in a previous post, too. There's another headcanon (more like an idea?) I forget to share when sending my asks since I didn't wanna spam you. XD

(Part 2) I headcanon that Nibelheim wasn't completely intolerant about homosexuality, it was more "frowned upon" since they just expect men and women to marry settle down and have kids. I'm really enjoying the idea of Cloud, who obviously rejects that way of thinking, being out and proud, and is going to throw hands with anyone who tries to insult him and his partner in the village (or if he runs into villager in Midgar since ToTP confirms that boys leave the village to find work/join the army). (Part 3/End) Honestly, the idea works so much funnier in my head due to my Rufus bias. I love the idea of an AU fic where Rufus and Cloud's relationship is public and they have to grapple with the gossip, harassment, and invasion of their privacy. Cloud is more worried how his mother is going to react, while the whole world, including Nibelheim, is shocked that little boy they all ostracized is the lover of the super hot and hunky and rich heir to the freaking Shinra Electric Power Company! XD

SO, I did acknowledge a chunk of this in your previous asks, so I don't want to be too repetitive. If anyone wants to read my responses to parts 1 & 2 above, click here for the generalized answer.

NOW, speaking of Cloud rejecting Nibel's way of thinking (I love it). There is that moment from Tifa's POV where she has this realization of like...wow, he really doesn't care what anyone thinks and just goes his own way, it's like he's really free. And she respects that, and seems a bit envious of it since she's so burdened by this feeling of trying to please everybody around her. It was so eye opening to me, because your point of view really does matter, doesn't it? It always seems like the ostracized one is lonely, wants to fit in, acts out because he/she does not fit in. But from Tifa's perspective, it was like Cloud had his eye flung so far forward into his future, he couldn't be bothered with the troglodytes of Nibelheim. I don't know if he really feels this way himself...but FUCK if that isn't exactly how I felt as a kid. Nobody around you gives a shit, they all seem spoiled or stupid, there's no hope and no future, so you just protect yourself and wait until you can run as far and as fast as you can in the other direction. Man, that really stuck with me.

Sorry, I know it's a little off topic, but I love it so much. It made me view Cloud a little differently, which is INSANE after all these years. It makes the self-indulgent idea of Cloud being in a relationship with Rufus even more satisfying...he'd have this dislike of his own poor, ignorant roots, but he'd have to balance that with his distaste for the kind of extreme wealth that Rufus represents. Tabloid fodder, for sure. Would Rufus suddenly give a shit about reviving the old R&D reactor sitting atop Mount Nibel...would Cloud even want him to? Would he be embarrassed if Shinra started pumping money into that little backwater town?! These possibilities amuse me...

[thelittlestspider]

January Reading Log 2023

thoughts: i think this is my mystery/thriller/weird girl lit era.

Finished

- A Good Girl's Guide to Murder by Holly Jackson: i was gripped by the mystery plot. i think i read it in like two days. i also really loved the way the project stuff was formatted and i think it made it even more fun to read.

my least favorite thing was the romance because the mc is like 17 and her li is 20. it was weird and i didn't like it.

(unfortunately, i bought the sequels before i read the first book bc they were on sale. so i feel compelled to read them to get my money's worth. which means if you're reading these, you'll probably hear about the sequels as well.)

anyway, it's about a girl who's using her senior class project to try to prove her friend's brother is innocent of murder. like ten years before a girl went missing and they suspected her boyfriend of murder. but he dies mysteriously of a supposed suicide, so the town pins it on him because he can't defend himself. and his family is ostracized by the town. so the mc sets out to find the real killer and finds herself in a tangled web of lies and deceit.

- The Silent Patient by Alex Michaelides: i loved this book. it was a little slow at first, but once it gets going so many things happen. the plot twist hit me like a slap to the face. i was like 😯😀. if you like books about fucked up men and fucked up women, you're probably gonna like this book.

it's about a therapist who is obsessed with this woman who killed her husband like five years before, and she's went completely silent ever since. so he wants to try to get her to talk. but not everything is as it seems.

- Black Widow (2016) The Complete Collection: i read this years ago, and i forgot what happened in it. but the art work was really pretty and i love natasha, so i figured i would give it another go. and i have to say i found the storyline kind of underwhelming.

it's one of those natasha stories where she's very serious and all business and there's someone from her past trying to take her down. it's sort of like the edmondson/noto run, but not as good lol.

the story follows natasha as she's pursued by this guy called the weeping lion, who has information he's using to blackmail natasha to do his bidding. then a bunch of other stuff happens where it's revealed someone has recreated the red room and is still creating black widows. and natasha has to save the kids.

- Sleep by C.L. Taylor: this was a fun book. i think i got it on sale for like $3. it's about this woman who gets in a car accident with her coworkers where she and only one other person survive. she then goes to work at an inn on an island, and ends up being stranded with 6 other people, one of them a murderer who is trying to kill them.

[the-old-man-has-the-phonebox]

Random shit

My mom keeps pushing me to get a cat. She is the main reason I cannot have a cat because she would never allow one in her house. At this point it just upsets me because I’m so fucking lonely and a pet would really help but it’s not like anyone takes what I need into consideration in this fucking house.

I have no money. Like I want to do so many things— I want to cosplay (or at least have one of the preexisting ones ready for Animarathon). I want to buy shit that makes me happy (in healthy amounts, ofc). But then I’d like to be able to afford, like, Dairy Queen or something? (Long story short I can’t trust the meat on campus so I’ve been craving protein like a motherfucker). I need to apply to jobs but I stall as soon as I get to the resume section because there’s absolutely nothing I’m fucking good at. I have no skills. Even if I get this degree I’m virtually unhirable.

I’m still so hurt by my mom. She texts me like everything is okay, but I know it’s not. I wish I had money to get a place. I don’t feel welcome in my own home anymore. If she’s never going to change, then she can rot. She doesn’t deserve me. She never did.

Speaking of finding a place: almost everywhere in town has no openings. They should because despite the semester just starting, signings for next year are in about a month or so. I found somewhere that may work, but I’d likely need some form of transportation. That leaves me with multiple options: 1.) bite the bullet and force myself to learn how to drive despite how harmful that level of constant anxiety will be on my mental health; 2.) get a gay little trike bike because I can’t ride a bike (long story short I have very vivid childhood trauma tied to trying to learn how and I also can’t balance for shit in general); 3.) grow some balls and just start walking more so I can gain endurance for walking a mile or two to campus in any weather (despite what I have reason to believe is a musculoskeletal condition I may have)

I’m just so fucking lonely, man. No one will ever like me, be it a friend or something more. I’m barely palatable online, and just borderline tolerable irl. I’m such a fucking waste of space. I do nothing of worth for anyone— my own parents see me as a waste of time and energy. It’s never be loved, let alone liked. I’m such a fucking weird ass loser that I’m seen as an outsider to people that are generally weird as well. Even if I wasn’t weird, I’m fat and unattractive (like, in the objective sense. Not in a “oh I’m a size 12 I’m so fat uwu” way). I’m actively ostracized for how I look. My existence is nothing but loneliness and suffering. I will die alone, be it a case of an elderly person not being found for a while because they had no one or a young adult found dead of their own doing. No matter how this ends, it will always end like this. There is no realistic situation where things turn out okay. The only reason I’m still fucking here is because I always pussy out because I’m afraid of not doing whatever method to the extent of guaranteed fatality and just end up suffering more (ex: I jump and miraculously survive, but now I’m alive and even more disabled than before).

I don’t even have the motivation to make art anymore, man. There’s literally nothing here left for me.

[danepopfrippery]

So got curious and tried That 90s Show despite the shit reviews. I gotta give they nailed ‘90s’: Kitty’s decor, 70s holdover hair do, white trash moms, etc. the 4th of July was such a deal back then, i just figured it was rural not 90s.

Donkey Kong was a fail tho (graphics were 10 years too advanced). And i maintain (as i was in rural hell in the 90s) no small town in Wisconsin would have that much diversity then…or now. I mean its more likely now but unheard of back then (our shit town started gossiping about latinos coming to town, there were like 3 of them and they were all presumed Mexican but i dont think they were. Same with an asian family. No other poc dared fuck up to live there.)

And trust me: no kid would dare be openly gay in places like that back then (where i was living then regularly STILL steals pride flags and destroys them yes 2023. I was constantly assumed gay cuz no guys wanted me and i was lucky it was just being ostracized, not violence). The gay kid makes me think of Bobby Lee playing gay and its…odd. Like they just picked another ethnic kid to fey up and talk weird without being a full character.

Im glad no Hyde (fuck that rapist) but i think they should have mentioned him. I presume Gwen is his bastard child given the no longer would fly half black story line. I also wish they would’ve acknowledged Fez had been Laurie’s green card husband. Laurie should be features on Unsolved Mysteries. I cant believe parents (even ones thinking of her as evil) would just forget she existed or was missing.

And why did Fez go back to high voice? And why have they not explained wtf they’re still calling him Fez? Wilmer is creepy and looked high as a kite i dont really know why they brought him back.

Kitty and Red are delightful. Perfectly costumed and portrayed. Loved Leo! And Ashton and Mila seem to be having the time of their lives. Leia and Jay are perfectly cast as their parents kids. And if Gwen is one then her too.

Im sorry i dont believe a rrriot girl would go to a rave. There are a lot of plot holes. Frankly Nate and Gwen dont seem straigjy and Leia seems like shes way more into Gwen than Jay.

But Jay seems like a good character. Kelso is right he got his mom’s brains cuz Kelso was waaay too dumb. And they dealt with Jackie and Fez but not Fez and Laurie or even weirder Kelso’s other baby? I hate when these retcon shows just pick the most random shit to keep (like Conners kept Harris and Crystal’s kids but Andy and Jerry dont exist…maybe…jerry gets one shout out.)

[dude1818]

See, I said that Yasako standing up for Isako when she was being ostracized in the new school was a direct character growth for her behavior at her old school

Also, they explained later in the episode, because I was very confused how she showed up here. Turns out Yasako went back to her old town to find the old glasses factory

I almost said something last episode about the pain in her chest being the encode reactor that Isako accidentally activated. You’ll have to trust that I called this one too

And that Megamass was trying to bury everything to protect their brand image

She got gelatinous cubed

What the fuck, why are you revealing that Isako’s mother beat her in the penultimate episode?

No wonder she hated everyone at the school. Ouch

So is her brother a Null Carrier now too? How would that even work?

Sith Lord Michiko

It seems like every episode in the back half of this cour has Isako suddenly remembering something game-changing from her past. I get that she had a traumatic brain injury and repressed a ton of shit, but I’d like the show to use a third exposition style, instead of it either being this or “three adults in three simultaneous scenes each explaining a third of what’s currently going on”

I don’t speak Japanese, but I did find it suspicious that Isako’s brother number ended in 2-3 (“ni san”), which is very close to the word for “older brother (respectfully)”. I learned that from anime. Obviously a coincidence in-universe, but compelling foreshadowing for the audience

Plot twist, Isako’s been dead the whole time! More likely, it seems like maybe her brother woke up from their coma first, went back in to rescue her, and then didn’t survive himself? He sacrificed himself for her, which is what she’s been trying to do for him for years, since she repressed the memories of all of it

My other thought was what if they ended up swapping bodies, and Isako’s hate-filled soul trapped in the Obsolete Space is what turned into Michiko. Meanwhile her brother is in her body and thinks he’s her, so he’s been trying to rescue his own soul this whole time. This would have to be some sort of Jace/Kallist memory swap thing too, and Isako’s real soul would need to have her body’s memories when she’s returned to it in order to make the character growth between her and Yasako work properly. Jace ended up with both sets of memories his body swap, but that’s because Kallist was killed 😬

That also doesn’t really track with Michiko trying to convince Isako to stay in the Obsolete Space, so it would just be the “three of them” forever. Who’s the third person then? Putting everything we’ve seen so far with what I vaguely think I remember is that she’s the soul of the first person who became trapped in cyberspace

[cooking-with-hailstones]

I was just gonna leave this in the tags but fuck it

As someone who was horrifically bullied and socially ostracized throughout my entire formative years, (gay kid with gay parents in a small Catholic town) and has dealt with intense rejection sensitivity my whole life, but is now pretty socially confident, here are some things I found useful. (Your mileage may vary! I am not you! This is me sharing stuff that helped me. If it doesn't help you, carry on good buddy)

1. Go to things alone. Go to a concert alone. A cafe. The mall. A sports game. The park. Whatever. Just go somewhere that isn't necessarily meant to be social, where no one knows who the fuck you are and revel in the anonymity. Level this up by doing this in a different town than where you live - do whatever you want where no one is going to care who you are. (I discovered this one by accident because none of my friends wanted to go to the same concerts as me and now going to concerts on my own is one of my favorite things to do)

2. Go be in a social space where the structure of it doesn't MATTER if anyone likes you or not, you'll still interact pleasantly with each other over a shared activity. Martial arts, exercise classes, crafting workshops. (Choir is a good one for this: if you show up on time and put in the work of learning your music, people will automatically like you.) You're doing a shared activity that doesn't require socializing even a little bit. But if you do want to chat, you have something to talk about.

3. Volunteer! If you make yourself invaluable to an organization they have to love you and appreciate you (not the healthiest approach!!!) but in all seriousness, joining a group that is committed to things you care about is a great way to connect with people and will probably force you out of your comfort zone, but with a lot of structure and support.

4. Accountability buddies. Have someone in your life who you can bounce off and ask "hey was this weird? Can you tell me what you thought of this interaction?" - and if you don't have that person or persons, I recommend cultivating them. This is the biggest one by far but it is so so important. Trust the friends you have, and don't sacrifice their companionship for acceptance from the wider group.

5. On that note: consider who's opinions matter. The opinions I value are those of my partner, my closest friends, and my creative partners at work.

Do you give a shit if Kelly in third grade likes your sweater? Do you genuinely care if Mike from the office thinks your wall calendar is tacky? A good litmus test for this is - would this person care about my opinion of them? If the answer is no, then you probably shouldn't care what they think of you. (In the immortal words of my beloved when I was moping about some guys at uni shit talking me behind my back, "you're an outspoken queer feminist socialist. If the dudebros in your department LIKED you, I think you'd be doing something wrong."

I guess at the end of the day it comes down to building a strong sense of self and holding fast to what matters most to you - your people, your values, your passions, and letting that be your anchor. Emotions are flighty beasts, and shame will rip you to shreds given the slightest opportunity. Build yourself up to weather the storm that emotions wreak, and come back to that core of who you are that tells you what really matters.

You got this. Go to the gay bar. Do it scared. I believe in you ❤️

It’s weird how everyone hating you when you’re nine years old still affects your self esteem when you’re 26 like yeah nobody came to my birthday party but that was like 17 years ago why is it stopping me from going to a gay bar

[aeneas75]

3

The next day she began to explore the small town and set herself up to live here till next year. 

It would be called a village in England and she reckoned she could walk from end to end in little more than thirty minutes. She found to her delight a small cinema, a gallery, pretty walks along the river (supposedly famous for its birch trees and a possible subject for a painting to sell). 

The autumn colours had clung on in sheltered spots along the river and beside the loch so she snapped away with thoughts of painting the same scenes in autumn and winter during her stay. 

As her mentor drummed into her; Landscape sells, famous landscapes sell better, and pets sell best. Portraiture does not sell unless the artist or sitter is famous but that is no reason not to paint it. It is the pinnacle of figurative art.  

At the independent cafe where she had lunch the friendly owner asked why she was here out of season but did not appear to be overtly hostile so fears of ostracism faded a little. 

However when she went shopping for essentials it was clear that food was going to be a problem. There was another (fancier) cafe; a small Italian restaurant that looked enticing and a couple of less appealing options but her budget was too tight to eat out much and the Co-Op had a limited supply of ready meals. 

As she picked at her microwaved Mac & Cheese later she suspected she would grow tired of that and ready made Chicken Tikka Masala quickly. Now the fear of starving to death, unable to eat what she had made seemed a lot more likely cause of her demise than sacrificial victim or exposure. 

But as she changed into her favourite silk pyjamas and curled up on the sofa to sketch and read she began to relax and let the tension of the last few days leave her body. And she began to realise how tired she was. Tomorrow she would sketch and see if any art store could deliver canvas to her, and if not plan a trip to Glasgow or Edinburgh, but not for a week or so. She was here now and wanted to enjoy this feeling. 

She was alone, blissfully alone, in a warm, quiet house, where she could lounge with no one to justify anything to, wearing her glamorous pink Pj top with matching silk shorts cut high on the thigh to show off her long slim legs, toned by barre and yoga. She would wake tomorrow when she choose to and spend the day on her own schedule.  

And then she heard a key turn in the front door.

Fuck!

She leapt up and ran to the hall, grabbing a rolling pin from the kitchen, cursing herself for leaving her pepper spray in her backpack hanging on the coat hook on the far side of the hall. 

The intruder stood in the doorway, clearly not expecting to be challenged. 

“Go away, I’ve nothing of value here and I'm calling the police so you’d better run.”

He looked shocked but made no attempt to flee.

“Who the fuck are you? And to be honest I reckon you could use that rolling pin to bake us something that will be ready before the police bother to drive up from Perth.” 

He was taller than her, 6ft at least and broad shouldered. Maybe ten years older than her, his thick brown hair and full beard were streaked with grey. He studied her, almost as surprised to see her as she was him. 

“And, I'll call the police myself, what are you anyway, some sort of hippy squatter in posh jammies?” 

His voice was thick with arrogance and he held his ground, trying and failing to intimidate her but she regretted her choice of outfit, it not exactly helping the fierce image she was trying to project.  

“I live here, till January anyway.” Chloe shouted with fear and anger, “The owner has sent me to house sit until her new tenants move in.”

She made a dash for her backpack and fished out the pepper spray from the front pocket in a single fluid motion that she didn't think she could repeat even with twice the time. 

“Back. The Fuck. Off.” She held the pepper spray up and stepped towards him, voice low and cracking with anger. 

How dare some prick just waltz in and try and take this away. 

“Whoaaa crazy girl with the illegal weapon. That's going in the police report along with squatting,” but he raised his hands, palms up and lowered his voice to something close to conversational. 

“So who is the owner who you claim asked you to house-sit, given that I am looking after the place til the Sayyids move up?” Conversational maybe but his tone was mocking. 

“Isobel Matheson you smug prick.”

“And she lives round the corner in Athol Drive yeah, let’s go see her then, come on.”

“Fuck off you arrogant wanker. No, she lives in London. She’s my neighbour for the last three years. And friend.”

“Right well done you, so you asked about who owns the place. So whereabouts in London then?”

“Somers Town.”

“Haha nope. She lives in Camden. Not wherever that place is.” He managed to sound even more smug than before, thinking he had caught her out. 

“Somers Town is in the Borough of Camden you hick.” 

“Is it? Well OK. Maybe it is.” 

A hint of doubt seemed to creep into his voice for the first time and she went on the offensive. 

“She lives in Walker House, flat 0/18. That’s about halfway between Euston and King cross. She has stupidly expensive wallpaper on her ex-council flat, wears vintage Dior most days and usually has a bottle of champagne in the fridge because Being alive is a celebration enough in itself to drink fizz.”

He gave a chuckle and rubbed his beard. 

“Tae be fair that does sound like Wee Auntie Bell. Does she really wear vintage Dior?”

“Yeah she’s on first name terms with all the charity shop owners in Knightsbridge and they call her whenever they get the good stuff in her size.”

“So. Ok. Wee Bell is my Aunt. Great Aunt to be precise. Can I sit down? I’ve driven up from Glasgow and I’m knackered” he moved to go toward the living room.

“No. You can fuck off” she stepped sideways to put her body between him and the living room door and raised the pepper spray higher. 

“Isobel gave me this place to look after. Fine you might have a set of keys but I’m house sitting, not you and I don’t want you here, you big fucking oaf.” 

“Charming. Shall I call her now?”

“No. She'll be asleep.” 

He nodded and leaned against the wall. 

“So here’s the thing,” the sharpness had gone from his voice and he sounded weary. 

“I told Aunty Bell I would spend the weekends here until Salim and the family move in. I’m working down in Glasgow, crashing in a mates spare room during the week then coming up here Thursday night to work from here Friday and spending the weekend. 

“I'm kinda “between flats” at the moment and I love it up here, wee Bell knows that and I know she would be cool with it. I’m definitely her favourite male relative. Although if you have ever met Uncle Malcolm you might say the competition is not that strong.”

He forced a nervous laugh he cut short when he saw she wasn’t amused. 

“I messaged her all this and told her I would look after the place and asked Mum and Eilidh to remind her when they next spoke. Only Mum would forget and Eildh probably just wanted to talk to her about wallpaper.”

He sat in the doorway. Cici remained still, pepper spray ready. 

“And? I don’t really buy the sob story and frankly don't care. I want you out.” Her fear was gone now but her determination had hardened. 

“Fine. Whatever. Just let me stay the night and we can talk about it in the morning.”

“No. What part of Get the fuck Out do you not understand?” 

“Fecking hell. They really do breed them differently down in London. Enchante.”

He ran his hands through his hair and slumped deeper, back against the front door. 

“So she sent you up until New Year yeah, is that your story? What colour are her eyes?”

“Blue but her left eye has a hazel segment. It’s beautiful and rare and she says it gives her second sight.”

“Fuck.” He sounded defeated,  holding his face in his hands. “Ok, Ok, fine. Crazy scary Auntie sends crazy scary angry London girl 500 miles across the country to house-sit but doesn't bother telling any of her actual family. 

“Again, tae be fair that does sound exactly like something Wee Bell would do.” He gave a wry smile in admiration. .

“But don’t chuck me out in the rain. Just one night at least? I’ve driven up from Glasgow in the pissing rain and just want to make something to eat and then sleep.”

“No. I don’t want you here.” She had to be firm. 

“Jesus, right, I get it. Ok at least let me phone around and try and work out where i’m going to stay the night. And I have a car full of food that I was planning to cook over the weekend, can I at least put that in the fridge so it doesn't get ruined?”

She nodded and sat on the floor at a safe distance, watching as he called the local hotel and caravan park only to find both closed for maintenance work in the out-of-season, and pre-Christmas dead zone and a search of rooms at the local castle turned spa elicited a; 

“Fuck me, no, I can’t afford that for one night.”

He rubbed his forehead and looked thoroughly miserable.  

“One night.” She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth. “Just tonight and clear out in the morning.”

He almost sounded genuine when he thanked her. 

“I’ll try and keep it quiet but I need to get this food in the fridge and I haven't eaten since lunch and then i’ll crash out. You’ll barely notice me.”

She grunted as she gathered her sketch pad and novel to go to her room and get away from him. 

“Good night,” he called out from the kitchen, his cheerfulness forced, “Oh and nice legs by the way.” She glared at his back from the stairs. 

“I’ll have my pepper spray in my hand all night so don't even think about trying anything you creepy misogynist pig.”  

“Night night to you too.”

[guanana]

do u still take reqs?!?!?! bcs im absolutely obsessed with ur pervy!hyuck fic😭😭 i want more of an elaboration of panty sniffer jaemin </3 maybe smth where jaemin is roommates with y/n and he finds her panties mixed with his laundry,, then he just goes to town with it 👹 then maybe he returns it completely soaked with his juicy come </3 i love u mwa have a nice day !!!!!!

request 05 ♡ njm x reader

aka beware the panty perv (jaemin special!)

genre: drabble smut, jaemin x reader, f x m, light angst

word count: 6.6k+

smut warnings: masturbation, penetrative sex, oral (f receiving), a new panty perv arises, panty sniffing, dom!jaemin, possessiveness, squirting, don't get too mad at mc she just luvs cock too much

author's note: take this one with a grain of salt, it's not necessarily canon to the panty perv fic. i just love unnecessary drama and strife, and i love jaemin even more 💓

────── 〔✿〕──────

Previously, on Beware the Panty Perv:

( “And out of all the guys that you fuck, I’d like to think of myself as the most normal one. Yuta and Jaemin are weird,” Doyoung emphasizes. “Jaemin is definitely a panty sniffer. Have you seen him when he’s with Jeno? He practically looks like one.” )

——

"So, are you guys like," Jaemin tries to wrap his head around what he wants to say. He dons a scrunched face as he tries to belch out the god forsaken word out of his lips. "Dating?"

You're unamused at the way he shrivels up, shaking his head and sticking his tongue out in disgust like he just drank straight lemon juice. For someone so laid back, you'd never guess how painstakingly immature he could be at times.

Obviously referring to Haechan, here's the sitch on your guys' little entanglement.

Ever since Lee Haechan had been unmasked as the notorious panty perv, the people had been expecting you in all of your rage to make his life a living hell and ostracize him from any forms of human society.

Yet something that nobody ever anticipated was, considering your lack of rationality in most situations, was that you would end up fucking the guy. Even crazier, becoming exclusive fuck buddies with him.

So to answer Jaemin's question:

"Mm, no. Not yet at least," You shrug.

"Not yet?" Jaemin topples over theatrically, a hand clutching at his heart as he gasps for air. Reaching out to you in Shakespearean style to conjoin your hands, to which you oblige to entertain him in his dramatics. "The state of your guys' relationship is prophetic at this point?"

"I guess? It's all up to him, really. He says he wants to take it slow," You answer him, taking note of how the orange in his hair has long faded and grown into a gritty brown. Funnily enough, you like it on him more. "Why are you interrogating me anyways?"

"Because I'm going through the stages of grief right now," He cries, laying on his stomach and digging his head into your lap. Feet petulantly kicking against the cushions of the couch. The behavior causes you to sigh, he really is a kid. "Don't you sigh at me, missy. I'm experiencing denial right now!"

"Jaem," You try to break away from him when he lifts your shirt up to nibble at your stomach. "Haechan and I have been seeing each other for months now. There's no reason for you to be upset. Much less on stage one of griev— ow, you fucking weirdo. Stop biting me."

Pushing him away from you, his pretty face pops back from beneath the fabric of your shirt. Considering the fact he's allegedly 'grieving,' he sure does have a smug grin on right now. Upon being caught however, it quickly morphs into that annoyingly irresistible puppy dog look.

"I miss fucking youu," Jaemin whines, swaying back and forth against your thighs. "C'mon, just once? For old time's sake?"

"Nope," You bring your index and middle finger to the center of his forehead, exerting enough force to have him rolling off of your body and down to the floor. A small 'oompf!' following in his wake as he lands on his side.

"Why not?" The rejection doesn't deter him at all, collecting himself quickly before kneeling and resting his forearms on the top of your thighs. Sharp chin resting against your lap yet again like it was his very throne. "You said it yourself, you guys aren't dating yet! It wouldn't kill him."

"Isn't the second stage of grieving supposed to be anger? How did we skip to bargaining already?" You ask with a cocked eyebrow.

"It's interchangeable. Plus, I could never be angry at you," He responds indubitably, hurt that you could ever come to such a conclusion. "All I wanna do is make you feel so good, baby," He traces circles into your knee, bottom lip just barely grazing the top of your thigh as he inhales your scent.

His ears could never fail to catch the faint hitch of your breath against his feather-like touches, yet it still wasn't enough. Admittedly just a tad saddened at the fact you aren't already dripping wet for him. Once upon a time you'd start leaking for him upon his arrival, but ever since lover boy has come into the picture, it's as if he never existed in your realm in the first place.

"We can't, Jaemin," You reply in a somber tone. The right thing to do is to push him even further away, yet your body betrays you when you trail a hand through the brown tresses. Softening further into the back of the couch when he nuzzles into your hand, nose tracing into the palm of your hand upon delivering a chaste kiss to the flesh. You hate how plush those lips feel, retracting the hand like you've been burnt. "Seriously, stop that."

You admit that it's hard not to feel small when he watches you so closely. Practically seeing the flashbacks that play in his mind. Longing for the days where you could release your pent up frustrations on one another with no boundaries.

"What makes him so different?" The male asks, blinking up at you. "It was never a problem for either of us if we slept with other people. So, why now?"

What could you say? Haechan delivers in every category: sweet, intelligent, dorky, absolutely hilarious, thick dick, and oddly enough–

"He makes me really happy," You reply simply, looking down at Jaemin with complete stoicism. "I like him."

"Oh," Is all he musters.

Arms leaving your body like it's been forcibly repelled. There's a weight on his shoulders that has gotten increasingly heavier throughout the months the two of you had been separated sexually, your words making him feel like it's increased tenfold. He ponders what it could possibly be, realizing that he was granted no special privileges despite being there with you as both a sexual partner and friend for years. It what leads him to saying what he regrets in mere seconds.

"—even if he's a creepy panty stealing pervert?"

Jaemin has always been fond of you. You’re exuberant, warm. An unabashed confidence that never failed to draw people in. Though you've donned the not so friendly titles of many, anyone with two working eyes could tell that you were one to be respected.

So when the room of your shared apartment goes ice cold, Jaemin realizes he's fucked up beyond comprehension.

Callous eyes stare right through his soul, lifting yourself off of the couch before kneeling down at eye level with him. He's heard the stories of you when you're pissed off. The petty arguments that escalated a bit too far with Doyoung that lead to him shriveling in fear in a corner. Or the time you dragged Jeno by the ear for being mean to your friend. Everyone knows, Jaemin knows that you're absolutely ruthless. Yet he's lived so idly in your life that he's never been on the receiving end of it.

Kneeling down to eye level with the male, you poke an accusing finger into his chest. Twisting the nail just a bit too harshly into the flesh, he's thankful for the hoodie that separates you two, because surely with the force you're using you could break skin.

"Know your place, Jaemin," Your words laced with venom as you stare him down, causing him to cower away. "Don't you ever talk badly about Haechan."

Nodding feverently, he gulps as you break away from him. Standing up and brushing your clothes smooth before heading back to your bedroom. Craning your neck back to make a point, you make sure to hammer the nail. "Got it?"

"Yes, ma'am," Jaemin sweats, this demonic aura of yours sending shivers down his spine.

It's not that you were overreacting, by all means you feel justified in how you handled the situation. Ever since the ordeal, people have been way too into your business for your liking. Word getting around the grapevine that Miss Popular decided to throw panty perv Haechan a bone. (Fuck Mark and his loud ass mouth for that, by the way.)

It annoyed you to no end. It's not like you liked Haechan because of what he did. The masses under the impression that you either took pity on him or you just liked having someone to blackmail, which wasn't the case at all.

You liked Haechan because he was Haechan. Nothing more, nothing less.

But when you look back at the deflated Jaemin, a pout adorning his face, you can't help but take his words into consideration. While you and Haechan were in this limbo between fucking and dating, no title whatsoever—

Would there be any harm in fucking around just a little bit more?

——

"I'm heading out!" You yell from the front door, shoving your boots on while keeping balance on the door handle.

It had been a little over a day since the altercation between you and Jaemin. With a disagreement being completely new ground for you two, he admittedly doesn't know how to handle it. Not one for confrontation, he sort of just wants it to let it mend itself.

Peeking his head out of his door, he catches you down the hall. You're wearing a pretty skirt and blouse rather than the usual baggy attire. Bile forming in his chest when he feels a little bitter at the thought of where you're probably going.

"Meeting with Haechan?" He asks blankly.

"Mm," You nod your head, struggling with the clasp of your boot without removing your hand from the door. Cheeks puffing out impatiently as you keep missing the latch to loop around.

Unable to deal with how cute you are much longer, Jaemin blows his bangs out of his face before strutting towards you. Bending down onto one knee to swat your hand away. Your eyebrows raise in surprise at the act of kindness, watching him take the latch into his own hands and looping it around with ease. "There," He huffs, brushing back the hair that's fallen past his eyes again before standing again.

"Thanks," You murmur, still feeling some leftover awkwardness from the day before.

"No problem." There's a beat of silence, then two. "Hey—"

"I—"

"You first," You insist, extending your hand to allow him to finish.

"I'm sorry," Jaemin apologizes, rubbing his neck nervously as he's not used to the gesture. "I shouldn't have said that about Haechan. I know you like him a lot."

You nod your head, appreciative of his words. "I forgive you, thank you. I'm sorry if I was a bit too harsh on you, I just don't want people to think badly of Haechan for what he did." "Don't even," He shakes his head. "It's understandable. I know everyone's been in your guys' shit. I guess I just got a little.."

When he sees you giving him your undivided attention, eyes big and nodding intently, he can't help but wonder how much more fondly you look at Haechan. Wondering what he had to do in order to be in his position. What he had to do to get that same affection and passion.

"Jaem?"

"Yeah, sorry. Jealous. I got jealous."

Your lips part in surprise at the confession. You're not used to this Jaemin, the grounded one who was always so sure of himself. So cool, calm, never one to be so vulnerable. You yourself are a bit scared to delve deeper into the meaning, afraid that you might find yourself in a situation that could ruin the stasis of what you've built these past few months.

Whether for better or worse, Jaemin continues. "Fucking you, I mean. Of course," He fumbles, trying to alleviate the tension.

Releasing a breath that you didn't even know you were holding, your shoulders drop in relief. "I see." "Yeah, so don't mind me," He plants his hands on your shoulders before twisting you around and pushing you towards the door. A long arm reaching past you, unlocking and opening the door before shoving you past the threshold. God this shit is awkward, he thinks to himself. "Good talk. Have fun, okay?"

"Wait, Jaem—" But before you can finish, he's already closing the door on you. Setting the boundary between you two for good, you accept that in letting Haechan becoming your number one, you'd have to accept losing others in the process.

Meanwhile, you're uncanny to the conflict that Jaemin's suffering through on the other side of that same boundary.

——

Said conflict has just gotten worse, bursted into an absolute dumpster fire in fact.

"This fucking idiot," He breathes out when he holds the material between his two hands, stretching it out for good measure to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

Upon waking up to such a lovely day, Jaemin decided that today would be great for some productivity. Starting with laundry, he's neatly separated his piles. His spring playlist in the background as he tries to block out all thoughts of you probably getting railed by Haechan at this very second. He thinks he's been doing pretty well, thoughts of you coming to a pause when he gets into the groove of his chores.

Until he reaches a little halfway through his hamper, an unfamiliar floral piece of mint green meeting his point of view. Fishing it out, it takes no more than a millisecond to realize what he's just plucked out.

"You can't be serious right now," He rubs his face with a free hand irritably, holding it out to the light.

No doubt about it. These were yours, quite familiar with this pair in fact. You wore it often. Sometimes wearing it for him specifically because it's his favorite color.

How it got mixed in with his laundry? He doesn't want to know, nor does he care. Okay, maybe he does. A little bit. But that's beside the point.

The point is: you are absolutely terrible, treacherous, evil. An absolute minx that is out to ruin his life. He's sure of it.

And by the grace of some horny demon, or his own volatility, a horrible light bulb goes off.

The little angel and devil on his shoulder are currently clashing. Mind racing as he angles the panties to get a good look at them. Reminiscing the visions of how well they fit on your body, the strappy elastic squeezing against your hips so tightly that just a smidge of skin was poking out— his favorite thing to bite.

He really shouldn't be doing this, but when he remembers how beautiful you looked when he slid them to the side and slipped inside of your heat so easily, he loses all consciousness when he rolls back onto his bed. Sliding his shirt up and pushing down his sweat shorts past his thighs, member growing embarrassingly fast.

"God dammit," He berates himself, the material held between his index and thumb. Was he really about to do this?

If he remembered correctly, you didn't get mad when Haechan did it. So, it should be okay if he did, right?

Fuck it.

He rubs along the texture, feeling the damp remnants of your wetness on the seat of the material. Chest heaving in a quiet rage at the realization that these were most definitely fresh. Whether you did this on purpose or not was a problem for later. Right now, all he could think of is the taste of you on his tongue, wanting nothing more than the sweet pleasure of you suffocating him between your thighs.

It played like a record, the moment he brings the panties to his nose. Inhaling the potent scent of your past arousal brings him back. Fist gripped impossibly tight, knuckles are white as he sniffs to the point of his nose scrunching in. Getting lost in your smell before his tongue rolls out, losing his mind when it licks from the base. Sucking in the taste in hopes of absorbing every last drop, whites of his eyes taking him like a man possessed.

You were always such a good girl for him, doing whatever he told you to. The visual of you climbing up his body, a thigh planting on one side of his head before the other lands just as carefully. Looking down at you bashfully with a flushed face.

Past thoughts drove him up the wall, knowing that he was the only one who could make you nervous. He knew Haechan's appeal was being your bitch, but did you ever miss it? Not being in control? Being bent at another's beck and whim?

Letting the panties drop from his mouth, he licks around his glossy lips to savor the small amount of your taste he was able to get. It might've backfired though. Under the impression that it would quench his thirst for you, to bring him back to earth knowing that he wouldn't have you anymore. It only furthered his hunger. Wanting, needing more.

Panties that are now slick with his saliva trail down his body, the lace tickling his torso as it drags down to where he needs it most. He shudders when he wraps the material around his solid cock. Groaning when he gives an experimental pump, a pea sized drop of precum aiding him as it glides with ease.

He throws his head back in pleasure, picturing you riding his cock up and down instead of the pathetic alternative. Moaning your name out into the empty vicinity like it'll bring you back to him. It didn't matter who else it was, nobody's pussy could ever compare to yours.

"Miss how tight you are," He gasps, his orgasm approaching with each pump. Abdomen clenching when he thinks about the half lidded gaze you'd give him whenever you let him cum all over your face. Gorgeous, swollen and glossy lips lapping up the remnants like a delicacy. "Miss you so, so much."

When he slides the fabric along his tip, slimy material brushing against his frenulum, his hips buck up to chase the pleasure. Your name leaving his lips like a mantra, too drunk off of your minimal scent to consider how wrong his actions are.

White coats his taut abs, dripping down until it lands on his pubis. Profuse amounts of cum from holding back his desires. Gasping as he jerks himself to oblivion, the last of his orgasm painting your panties. Smiling fondly at the thought of your arousal and his meshing together, only mildly perturbed at the fact that he craves you so much he's willing to go to such lengths.

"Fuck," He curses. Dropping the defiled material to his side, rubbing at his face and groaning. Brushing his sweaty bangs from his forehead to take in the mess he's made of himself. "I really just did that."

"Yeah, you did."

He can't even be shocked. Shoulders drooping when he catches you leaning against the frame of his open door, an equally unamused expression meeting him. Clunking his head obnoxiously back against his bed frame, he grunts in irritation at being caught.

"Were you just standing there the whole time, you perv?" His head lolls onto his shoulder, making no effort to hide the evidence.

Tutting in response, you make your way over to his bed before plucking your used panties. Much too used to this scenario at this point, just because you and Haechan are seeing each other doesn't mean he didn't still go through your laundry. You sigh at the cum soaked material, plonking it onto his stomach. "Not the whole time, at least. Also, do you really think you're in the position to be calling me a perv?"

"Kind of, you just invaded my sanctuary without knocking," He shrugs. "What are you even doing back here anyways? Thought you had a date with lover boy." "First of all, your door was open," You raise a finger before taking a seat at the edge of his bed. Neither of you address the fact that his flaccid dick is out and he's got semen riding up his torso, it's almost comically mundane for you two. "Secondly, we had to call it early because Mark's punk ass busted a flat tire in the middle of nowhere."

"Great," Jaemin puffs.

"And thirdly," Your voice takes on a lower tone, cadence laced with an untraceable motive that has him peeking up in interest. "I don't think you're allowed to get mad at me when you used my panties to get off." He rolls onto his side to get a better look at you, lips quirking when he assesses your features. After years of fucking you, it doesn't take rocket science to know your tells. A twitch of your eyebrow lets him know that you're feeling things that you aren't supposed to be feeling.

"You're being awfully casual about this," Jaemin's own brow quirks, his veiny hand reaching back down to play with his cock ever so subtly, running his fingers down the softened length to entice you. He knows he's on the right track, the way your attention immediately darts to his movements. "I thought you'd be mad at me."

"I am mad," You scoff, toppling over his body and caging him against the wall behind him. Irritation coursing through you when you don't detect a single ounce of guilt or embarrassment. "You're an even worse panty perv than Haechan."

It only hits you then. This isn't Haechan. In fact, it's the polar opposite of your sweet boy. No amount of berating or intimidation could ever make Jaemin falter. The two are similar in the fact that they get off on this, but the latter loves pushing your buttons.

He wants you to succumb to him.

"What's wrong?" Jaemin smirks up at you when you soften above him, leftover cum aiding him in his strokes. Your lips caught between your teeth as his mouth drops open, gasping out in pleasure while he puts on a show for you.

Taunting you with a charming grin, his other hand grazes through your hair, tucking the strays behind your ear. He loves the way you watch him, your thighs clasping together to hide the fact that you're getting wet for him.

"You're so..."

"So..?" He tilts his head, erection springing back to life even harder at the adorable loss for words. "Why don't you show me how mad you are, baby? Teach me a lesson?"

"Jaem, I—"

"What? You can't?" He pouts, hand trailing to the side of your face. Thumb sliding across your bottom lip, cooing at your obedience when you take it into your mouth so pliantly. "C'mon baby. I miss that sweet pussy so much." "But Haechan..." Your eyes gloss over in conflict.

Pulling the thumb away from your mouth, the mood of the room completely shifts. Jaemin holds his pinky out, mischievous demeanor put on pause for just a second. Face somber and completely serious.

"You guys aren't dating yet. I won't say a word if you won't," He swears. "One last time, I promise."

You've been fighting it for a long time. You're sure of it, you were heavily enamoured by Haechan. He delivered in every aspect except a certain inherent need, something that Jaemin could always give with flying colors.

The only one that could turn you into putty with just that damned smirk.

Pinky finger stuck out like it's a seal of fate, you wrap yours around it. Locking them tightly, Jaemin's beyond elated at your agreement.

"One last time," You say.

"One last time."

And with that, he pulls you in close by your interlocked fingers, joining the two of you in a kiss. Instantly sighing in relief, missing the feeling after what feels like ages. Free hand cupping the back of your head to bring you in even closer, parting your lips with his tongue.

Relishing in your moans, he swallows them with glee. Loving the way your arms wrap around his neck, straddling him to mesh your bodies together.

"Mmf, missed this," Jaemin grunts when you take his bottom lip in between your teeth. Cupping your ass under your tiny skirt, he rolls the flesh eagerly. Snapping the elastic against your skin playfully.

"Hey," You giggle, interlocking your fingers to stop him from hiking your panties between your folds. "Fucking weirdo."

"Don't act like you don't love it," He laughs, rolling the two of you over. When you're below him, hair so prettily flowing against his pillows and beautiful neck exposed, he can't help but moan out dreamily. It really has been too long.

"Jaem," You whine, outstretching your hands in a grabby fashion when he goes down to nibble at your thighs. Scent of your arousal wafting his senses, his nose meet your covered core like a pied piper. Thighs snapping shut around his head, it only encourages him to dig deeper.

Strong hands pry them back open, licking you over the black lace. Soaking through them to the point that he can see juices leaking around your thighs. "Wore these for him, didn't you?"

You nod timidly, to which he chuckles lightly. "Did you guys fuck?" Peeking his head out of your skirt to hear your answer properly. When you shake your head, he's over the moon. "Perfect. You're all mine for today, then."

Peeling your panties quickly, he stares at the material with the same vigor he had with the mint colored ones from just a few moments ago. His tongue experimentally dips into the newly wettened panties, eyes rolling back at the extremely fresh wetness.

You moan at the depraved sight, his tongue dangling against the wet fabric with just the tip. Moans reverberating throughout the room at your nectar. Trying to pull him in by the shirt to bring his attention back to you, he blinks away his panty hypnosis. Dreamy grin when he apologizes quietly. "My bad, I just see why Haechan is so into this now."

Relishing in your sweat whines, pestering him to touch you, he climbs back down. Eye to eye with your throbbing core, wet with want. Jaemin always had that effect on you, able to get you giddy just from being in his proximity.

Much too starved from the appetizer, Jaemin dives right in. Tongue pointed and diving straight into your hole, causing you to cry out in euphoria. "Jaemin!" You cry, his fingers digging into the meat of your thighs as his nose rubs to and fro along your clit.

"Fucking love how this cunt tastes," He groans against you. Grunts vibrating against your folds and aiding in the pleasure. Appendage swirling from all four sides of your walls, snaking along the sides before dipping in as deep as his muscle will allow him.

You see those two veins on his neck popping out, straining himself to give it you rough, just the way you love. Taut biceps circling around your thighs to bring you in even closer, a mixture of saliva and arousal leaking down and tickling against your rim. Slimy tongue spitting saliva down your hole. "Tongue feels so g-good, Jaem..." You gasp, hands tangling in his hair as you grind against his face.

Swapping his tongue to your clit and plunging his fingers knuckle deep, he needs no time to adjust before taking on a pace that leaves you dizzy. Fingers reaching deeper than his tongue as it grazes against your spongy wall.

He's fucking drunk off of your taste, deprived from the real thing for so long that he's almost forgotten how good you are. Maybe the fact that you're practically with another man makes the forbidden fruit even sweeter, rapture in taking what's not his. Envisioning Haechan watching you two as he devours you whole, crying out in anguish at his love being pleasured by another.

"J-Jaemin..." You cry, feeling the knot in your stomach about to release as his fingers increase in tempo.

"That's right, baby.. Say my name," Jaemin praises you. Suckling at your clit harshly, unrelenting when he feels you beging to spasm. His free arm circling around your stomach to push you down so you can't run away. "Say it again, and I'll let you cum."

"I— that's embarrassing!" You cover your face.

A stinging slap at the top of thigh spurs you into action, locking eyes with a frightening Jaemin. Devoid of any sympathy and wanting nothing more than to bend you to his will. "Say it."

"J–," A saliva covered tongue darts against your clit, lapping left and right harshly. "Jaemin!"

"Louder!" He snaps his fingers ruthlessly, like he has something to prove. Hitting your g-spot every single time.

"Jaemin, Jaem—! Fuck!" You screech before releasing all over his face, clear liquid coating his entire face translucent. The man beyond insane when he refuses to pause his fingers' thrusting, jaw wretched open to catch every drop you give him. An innate need to ruin you. "Jaem— no!"

Trying to shove him away when he attacks your clit again, he pushes you from the back of your thighs to fold you into yourself. Growling into your cunt deeply as he laps you up until your clean, ignoring your pleads as fat tears roll down your eyes from the overwhelming stimulation.

When he breaks away his hair is a mess, covered from nose to collarbone in your pussy juice. Panting crazily as he wipes at his swollen lips, exposed cock practically weeping with precum. Getting up from the mattress to throw off his shirt and pants angrily, smearing his first orgasm off like it was never there in the first place.

"Want you. Need you, now."

Jaemin doesn't spare you a second of recovery, immediately pulling you by the ankles until your ass is hanging off the bottom of the bed. Tearing your skirt off and ripping at your blouse, buttons popping off mercilessly.

In any other situation you'd yell at him for his haphazard actions. However, you're meeting a completely new side of Jaemin. A man completely malnourished of his desires, taking out his frustrations on the one thing he's wanted most.

You fear the intimacy, yet chase after it. Letting him have his way with you when he pulls at the cups of your matching black bra, suckling as much of your breast as possible. Lapping at the nipple, the leftover droplets of squirt trails along your own body.

"I missed this," You admit aloud, raspy with croaked tears and an overwhelming amount of pleasure.

"Yeah?" Jaemin growls, lining his cock with your weeping hole. Never averting eyes, you gasp when his tip intrudes at your hole. Teasing ever so slightly. You're convinced at this moment you need nothing more than Jaemin. "Bet your sweet boy would die on the inside if he saw you like this, breaking beneath me like a little fuck doll."

As mean as the comment is, it just turns you on even more. Cursing at yourself when a fresh coating of arousal helps Jaemin slide in. Inching in so slowly, girthy cock splitting you open. "Fuck, you like that? You like the thought of cucking Haechan? Letting him see how much of a slut you are?"

"N-no..." You stutter, lips dry when Jaemin makes his way all the way inside. The two of you gasping in unison when he bottoms out. "That's so mean.. I-I love Haechan."

Love?

The word causes a chord to snap in Jaemin. Wanting to take his last time with you slow, but the devil on his shoulder wins. Possessing him, rearing the ugliest side when his hands dig into your hips. Pulling all the way out to the tip, waiting for just a few seconds—

"Jae—?"

And slamming all the way back in, so forceful that he shoves you up the bed several inches. You scream at the pummeling, not able to address the way he grips the back of your thighs. Folding you into a mating press before he climbs up the bed with you.

"Fucking slut," Knees dig harshly into the bed when he slams into you. Squeezing your face to make room for your lips to pucker in, not allowing you a second to realize his intentions before hwacking a wad of spit. Fluid shooting straight down your throat with precision, you cough around it a little before the delicious liquid slides down your throat. "Love? Don't fucking play with me."

"I do!" You scream, finding that your protests cause to him to be even rougher with you. Your ankles practically meeting the sides of your head. "I love Haechan!"

"You love Haechan but I'm fucking you right now, how does that work?" He scoffs at you, laughing maniacally at the tears that wash down your cheeks. Makeup from your prospective date completely ruined, eye makeup trailing down your eyes and lipstick smeared along your ruined lips. "Obviously don't love him enough if you're running back to me like this. Or, don't tell me—"

He brings his lips down to your ear. "He just doesn't fuck you as good as I do?"

When you don't protest, he feels victorious. Length piercing unreachable destinations inside of you. Thighs burning from how far he's stretching your body out. If this was going to he the last time, he was going to leave an impression.

Jaemin's tongue lolls out to slide up the cheek that sheds such sweet tears for him, he loves how every part of you tastes. He wishes to etch it into the most important crevices of his brain.

"You... you do..." You bite against his shoulder, digging your nose into his neck as you peck kisses along the beautiful expanse.

"Hm, baby?" He punctuates with another poignant thrust.

"You fuck me best! You!"

Jaemin has always been fond of you. You're unbelievable. Jaemin's every fantasy manifested into a one single being.

Yet, you could never be his. At least, not in the way he wants you to be.

So the very least he could do was make sure that you would always look back at the memory of him fondly. To remember the ways he would bend you to and fro. To arch your back when a shiver of a flashback invades your mind. To leave such an impression that you wish Haechan could be just like him.

"Love you," He whispers so quietly, he prays you don't hear it. Arms dropping your thighs in exchange for hugging you close, rutting into you like he's lost in heat.

"Jaemin!" You screech, pussy clasping around his cock so tightly. He's lost in your wet walls, wrapping around him like you're sent from heaven. Hips trying to get even more of him greedily. Wetness slapping against the bottom of his abdomen, it's too much to bear.

Wishing that the moment would last forever, he clasps his eyes shut as he fantasizes a scenario where this would only be the first of many times. You'd allow yourself to be his hole that he could take whenever he wanted, whether it be the couch or the kitchen counter.

The head of his cock gets trapped between your walls every time he tries to go too far away, and your legs dig into the bottom of his back painfully to bring him back in. Feeling you get so much tighter that he knows you're about to cum. "C'mon, baby. Cum with me, let me use this pussy one last time."

You look at him worriedly, completely forgetting that his favorite place to cum was inside you. With a pleading face, you could never deny him. Giving him the go ahead with an ardent nod.

He can't help it, when you circle your arms around his neck to pull him down for one last kiss. There's something beyond desire, but you can't push him away. Welcoming his feelings as he spills them inside of you.

Everything is full. Your mouths with battling tongues, your walls being coated in egregious amount of cum, and most of all—

your heart full of unspoken affections that were never expressed before.

He calls your name, eyebrows furrowed together as his orgasm is borderline painful from how much he spills inside of you. Plugging it in all the way to the hilt to let it simmer for awhile, never wanting to leave.

The room reeks of sex, walls swirling around you after such an intense fuck. Feeling the indentations of nail marks along your hips and thighs.

When Jaemin loses his strength, he falls on top of you. A small 'oof!' escaping you when his weight encapsulates you. Still connected even if his cock is beginning to soften.

It shouldn't be allowed. This intimacy, the way he blinks at you slowly and that soft smile that creeps onto his face. You shouldn't be trailing a hand along his face, kissing the corner of his lips longingly.

"Last time," He bargains. Rolling onto his side, taking great care to not pull out. Wanting nothing more than to stay attached to you until there's no other choice than to leave.

"Last time," You emphasize, eyes shutting closed when he pulls you close. His bare chest pressing into your back, you hate how safe you feel. Closing your eyes and allowing Jaemin to press kisses that hold meanings like love letters down your spine. Lips tracing every crevice of your body and memorizing it.

As much as the two of you joked about it. Jaemin really was grieving, but with the last piece of you completing the puzzle, he believes he's gotten the closure he needed. Knowing that your heart has already been captured and that he was just a bit too late—

he's made it to the final stage, he's ready to accept.

——

epilogue (weeks later)

"Haechan!" You screech from your bedroom, bursting out with the door slamming against the wall. Steam practically simmering out of your head when you reach your boyfriend who immediately sits up from his spot on the couch.

"Y-yes, sweetheart?" Haechan squeaks, your hands on your hips letting him know that you're beyond pissed.

Jaemin peeks his head out of his lair curiously. Watching the chaos unfold, you're animatedly throwing your arms around as you berate Haechan. An eyebrow cocking upwards before his lips form into an 'o,' muttering an 'oh shit' beneath his breath.

Holding out a defiled set of cotton panties in front of Haechan's face, your boyfriend's mouth drops in sheer confusion. "Wait a secon—"

"We talked about this! If you want to use my panties, you ask!" You stomp your foot onto the carpeted floor. Puffing your chest out, ignoring his protests when you grab his ear.

"But baby! It wasn't me!" Haechan cries out in anguish as you drag him down the hall, neither of you addressing Jaemin as you make it to your room.

Maybe your blind trust in Jaemin was your own fault. But, you couldn't even consider the possibility of it being him after Jaemin solemnly swore to never interfere with you and Haechan's relationship ever again.

However, after carrying the torch that Haechan had left as the notorious panty perv. Jaemin thinks that in the fine lining of the contract, using your panties to jack off was fair game. He definitely should have been stealthier in hiding your panties after he did the deed, but such is life.

When you slam your door shut and Jaemin's ears are flooded by Haechan's obnoxious squeals, he rolls his eyes. Closing his own room to head back to his desk, he pops on his noise canceling headphones. Much too aware that you're about to ride Haechan's dick until he's a crying mess.

In the meantime, an evil smirk appears on his face. He walks over to his night stand and slides open the drawer, pulling out those floral mint panties.

Snickering to himself, he wonders if you're really just that oblivious or if you yourself couldn't keep your promise of your rendezvous' coming to an end.

Whether it's the former or the latter, Jaemin sighs with glee when he takes an obnoxious sniff of your panties.

Ah, bliss.

end

────── 〔✿〕──────

author's note: dear anonnie, thank you SO much for your patience. i know this one took much longer than it should have, but i kept on changing the plot around until it was something i could be satisfied with. i hope i was able to deliver.

thank you for participating and making this event so much fun, and thank you for being so fond of not only the panty perv fic but liking it so much you wanted more elaboration on the other characters <3

EDIT: request status — CLOSED

[dumbbitchdoestwitch]

Cum for the monster, stay for the plot

I read monster fucker books - they're fun, they're interesting and usually, they're pretty hot. & It seems like a perfect first Tumblr post. Now I made it through Opal Reyne's A Soul to Keep and A Soul to Heal in under a week. I didn't mean to - I planned on reading them over a month or two to give myself a break from all the steam but I didn't do that. I stayed up late, reading it like a rabid horny little monster fucker, and then wandered through my day job a zombie hungry for more monster cock. All that to say - forgive me if I get bits and bobs from the 2 mixed up. Anyhow - spoilers & monster cock ahead so proceed with caution~

I tried writing this before and it got way too fucking long, so I'm going to try to keep it short. We'll start with the first book - A Soul to Keep. The first chunk of the book is massively background-heavy, but I actually like that. I love some plot & direction with my monster fucking but it is A Lot™️. If you like a book to get down and dirty fast, this one's not for you. This one is a heck of a slow burn and the first taste of the naughty you get is hot, magic baths. It takes much longer to get to our monster friend digging his claws into our female lead and magically rearranging her guts so that enormous monster cock actually fits.

Background-wise, the bare bones are that it's a strange, alternate reality where demons arrived on Earth through a portal sometime around the industrial revolution. The demons prevented humanity from progressing as it should have, so we have a weird mix of modern language in an almost hunter-gatherer time. Also important to note, the portal the demons came through is at the heart of the Veil, a pit in the woods that gives demons a place to lurk away from the sun. On to our characters...

So we have Reia whose family was murdered by demons & then the town labeled Reia a bad omen & ostracized her from her fellow townspeople (but like not really 'cause throwing her out of the town would let the demons eat her and get stronger so there's a lot of "we're afraid of you, don't dare look at us, but we're also gonna torment you a bit"). Anyway, having a young woman who you hate actually works out perfectly for this town because, as it turns out, once every 10 years a creature the humans call a Duskwalker comes to one of 3 villages and bestows a protective blessing in exchange for a "pure bride" (not like that tho).

Our Duskwalker goes by Orpheus and he's like 7ft tall with a wolf skull for a face, nothing but glow sticks behind it, and has exposed bones where his skin and fur haven't grown over them. As Orpheus brings Reia to his cabin in the Veil, a few things become apparent:

1) we're going to have to deal with a bit of secondhand embarrassment

2) Orpheus is a lonely pervert

Those two things can go either way depending on how you like your monsters. I didn't think I'd be able to get through the secondhand embarrassment, but Orpheus is such a giant cinnamon roll that I barely noticed it. It also really helps that anytime I had a concern about how stuff works, it got addressed a few lines down. It's just really well thought out like that.

As for the sex scenes, they felt kind of confusing at times because we're learning anatomy while we're going at it. Other than that though, the sheer passion and desire running rampant is delicious. So if you like well-built worlds with squishy cinnamon roll monsters (who really look like monsters and stay that way) with absolutely enormous cocks, I'd highly recommend A Soul to Keep.

Maybe some day I'll post the long as hell version of this with every little thought but today is not that day 💜

[theamberwizard]

i’ve been thinking about black widow and the red room recently, as one does, and i’ve got a lot of thoughts about the effects of the red room on widows who’ve escaped. couple things, just before i begin: i would recommend having watched black widow before this because there are implied (?) spoilers, i use way too fancy language while i write and i don’t have an editor cause this is mainly to catch her off guard, so, uh, whoops sorry

trigger warnings: TW: child abuse TW: restricted eating/starving yourself TW: dehumanization TW: death of a child

so yeah, enjoy my list of 10 personal headcanons about how the red room fucks you up on all the levels.

1) black widows cannot sleep in. like, they wake up at 5:00 am every day. it’s not a physical thing, at least not as far as they know, because they can negate that by just going to bed two hours or less before 5:00 am just from their lack of sleep. if, however, they go to sleep at a fairly normal hour they will, like clockwork, wake up at 5:00. this stems from them doing it every single day of their life since they got indoctrinated in the red room. if they didn’t wake up at 5:00 am ready for more training or missions, for any reason, they would be tortured. sometimes physically, sometimes mentally. eventually, all the widows would get that message. they still can’t shake it. because of that, natasha will often refuse to go to sleep at a normal hour, trying to force her body into submission, trying to rid herself of the painful memories that accompanied sleep and waking up afterwards. only clint knows why, because each day in that vent, natasha would snap up at 4:00 am. she had to explain to him that she just wasn’t accustomed to budapest time, and that actually, it was 5:00 am in russia.

2) for months after escaping the red room, widows practically cannot eat. in the red room, they were fed mushy messes of meals, filled with only the necessary nutrients that they absolutely had to have to survive. most widows can only get down one meal, maybe even a snack if they push it, until they throw it all up. they have to slowly eat slightly more each day for weeks until they can get down a normal intake of food. even then, it’s hard to push that, and every widow relapses into throwing up in those early stages. however, this isn’t normally a problem for most widows until a couple weeks into their life with freedom. that’s about the time that they make an acquaintance, who will eventually pluck up the courage to ask them why every time said friend will eat near the widow, the widow will lean over and whisper: “careful, that’s your whole ration today and i don’t want to do extra training.”

3) each “class” of widows had an extra mentor teacher in their early red room years. this was an older widow, someone who’d been falling behind in her recent missions, and with a look that the red room deemed “motherly”. their sole purpose was to be the person each widow got attached too, the parental figure. they were nice, they were helpful, they taught many different basic techniques. then, one day, the red room would have another older widow, (one already introduced to the children as the metaphorical “bad cop” of this scenario) come in and inform the mentor that she had failed her latest mission and proceed to, in front of thirty eleven year-olds, shoot the mentor. the mentor widow would not die that day- the red room refused to waste such a weapon- but the class of up incoming widows would be informed that she had. the official purpose of this exercise was to demonstrate to both the trainees and the trainer the consequences of failing a mission. the unofficial purpose? that would be the last psychological effects the mentor’s “death” would have upon the class, making them learn what happened to attachments in the red room. the day natasha’s class experienced this was the day she cut off all contact with her sister. the day yelena experiences this is the day she first another widow- because yelena killed that mentor with her own bare hands before the informant ever finished the announcement.

4) towards the start of the red room’s history, there were several attacks on the red room. the first ever attack was from a local police station who had been getting complaints of loud wailing, and, upon further investigation, realized what they were dealing with. they brought several other police and militia groups from nearby towns. the immediate action that was taken was to throw the littlest girls they had at the attackers. it stopped the police in their tracks, obviously, because you really don’t expect to come across thirty little girls while searching through a building of highly trained assassins. the red room then sent their fully trained widows and killed everyone. including the girls. the red room then found that footage from their cameras (because of fucking course they have cameras) and then showed it to the next batch of widows, just to show them how disposable they were.

5) yelena and natasha almost caused a whole fucking mutiny within the red room just because of their names. in the red room, you see, widows do not get names. they instead are bestowed with numbers, and even those are a twisted class ranking. they all wore little name tags with the numbers on them until came natasha and yelena came in. yelena, having just seen her mother get shot, complied almost immediately and was addressed as number 42. on the other side of that coin you have natasha, who had already been in the red room and remembered every gruesome detail, and went “fuck you my name is natalia.” upon hearing of this (word gets around fast in the red room. every girl must know they are being listened to at all times, and no secrets can be kept from the red room,) yelena too announced her name to the class.

6) this was met with blanching from every child in that class, because how on earth can you be called by a word? no, they thought, we are numbers, we are weapons, we are not people and we cannot have our own words, for we are not worthy. but secretly, internally, they wished for a name. slowly, they began piecing syllables together until they formed a coherent name, and for the first time in the red room’s long history, they didn’t have weapons. not anymore. they have two full classes of human little girls. the red room officials heard of this, obviously, and took to the only method they had now. violence. the classes were rid of the named girls, yet natasha and yelena were kept alive. they were kept alive to be ostracized, to be the girl the others pointed at and said “she’s the reason all my friends died.” they were kept alive so they could watch the carnage they had unwittingly caused just by saying their own names. and the worst part? well, the worst part was when the teachers accounted for those kills, and made them top of the class. yelena will never forget the day the teachers stood her and her sister up in front of all the widows-in-traning and told them what a good job they had done, how those tactics were sure to help them graduate. i mean, you’re practically a shoo-in if they rest of your class was killed by your school.

7) the red room could never fully stop the names, and so they decided to make a system, and the names would be the highest reward. they told the young, impressionable girls that while maybe outsiders such as natasha and yelena got names at birth, you had to earn them here. if you are to become a spy, you will take on the name of you very first official alias. if, instead, you become an assassin, you will take on the name of your very first official kill. of course, in reality, the widows couldn’t actually address each other with their new earned names, and instead used “team leader” or other such titles. but it became a small comfort for them, thinking of themselves in third person, with their very own names. in some small part they weren’t fully weapons anymore, no, they were people again. natasha took on the name natalia, because in her mind that life in ohio had been her first mission, even if she hadn’t known it. yelena took on yelena as well, but in her mind that little girl in ohio who was sitting in the backseat, caring only about which song they played, that girl had to have been yelena’s first true kill.

8) the names system worked well in the red room, but when you escaped it caused some serious problems. most would have to announce themselves to the russian government, saying they had been flying under the radar their whole life and never became registered. then, they’d give a non-russian name, and their whole ruse would fall apart. unfortunately, this was the least of their problems, because many a widow would someday meet a relative of their very first kill, and when they introduced themselves as the person they had killed all those years ago, the families and friends would often figure them out.

9) one of the biggest parts of the red room’s brainwashing was their little catchphrases they used. ironically, a lot of them were eerily close to boy scout mottos- “be prepared,” an iconic scout motto, versus “there is no safety, only preparedness,” the most frequently used phrase within the red room. when widows then escaped, the most small phrase could set them off. some unknowing widows even adopted little boys in their new lives, who often became boy scouts. the ensuing misery is something you can imagine yourself.

10) after clint helped natasha to escape, she immediately died her hair blond.  clint asked why, of course, and she didn’t tell him. (what, you thought i’d have another cute clintasha moment? never.) this was partly because she hadn’t admitted it to herself, though, because natasha couldn’t remember her sister without remembering all the suffering that came with her.

11) when the widows were smaller, more susceptible to the conditioning, the red room would stage infiltrations. older widows, ones who were closer to retirement, would come in in different uniforms, sometimes the uniforms of UN officers or local police, sometimes different organizations, all different types. the most recent uniforms made yelena sick looking at them, because each time the older widows would pretend to be the avengers there would also be one pretending to be her sister. each time she saw the fake natasha she wanted to break that widow’s neck because that’s not how my sister tilts her head, you’re doing it all wrong. you should be doing it like this, you shouldn’t be doing it at all, i should be doing this, i know my sister. each time those exact thoughts went into her head, and each time all she really wanted was for her sister to be there, for natasha to do her little head tilt upon seeing yelena and take her hand and say “you’re safe now, i promise,” and for natasha to be telling the truth. the only problem was that deep down inside herself yelena knew that this could never actually happen while yelena was still in the red room, because while yelena was still in the red room she knew that she would look at natasha telling her she was safe and tell her in return that there was no safety, only preparedness, and then murder her sister in cold blood.

[electronicdelusionstarlight]

Categories of people in The BNHA universe people are actively and textually discriminating again, both on a overt racism, subtle racism, and systematic racism base.

1) Quirkless People (Quirkless People, literally considered a genetic mistake by society, couldn't get into Hero High Schools till very recently keep in mind, and Izuku was violently and emotionally abused by by classmates for 10 odd years as well as suicide baited, while the authorities let it happen).

(In a way, All Might represents that minority cop that was integrated so much into the system oppressing him he doesn't care about it anymore and keeps spouting the party line to other minorities ("Become a normal cop or a firefighter instead), not realizing that those jobs too would discriminate on him for his status)

2) Mutant Quirks that overtly change one appearance (Shoji had stones thrown at him by his racist classmates and neighbours in his small town).

3) Mutant Quirks that overtly change one behaviour despite not changing one's appearance that much (Tsuyu was ostracized if not outright bullied at school due to the "quirks" her Quirk have her, especially in behaviour. Her only friend was also a Lizard Mutant).

4) Sentient Animals with Quirks (Nezu was heavily experimented on).

5) Quirks that are considered Too Dangerous or Villainous (Shinso obviously comes to mind, even if the story tries REALLY HARD to downplay the ostracization by his peers as seemingly auto inflicted due to being too sensitive to some of their otherwise genuine comments on his Quirk, because this is BNHA and Emotional Abuse doesn't fucking count UH HORIKOSHI???)

6) Weak and Self Destructive Quirks (Aoyama, again, ostracized by his peers for his Quirk)

The reason why all those instances are bad and discrimination of course, it's because Quirks are a genetic factor here, people are born with them and can't do shit to change them, any kind of attacks on those people would therefore be based on their families and the circumstances of their births.

I'd fucking love if Horikoshi expanded more on this shit rather than that fucking AFO OFA plotline engulfing everything else but alas much like Kishimoto before him I guess attacking the corrupt system in your story would be kind of pointless if the corrupt system you based it on and that is currently overworking you to death is also making you richer and more famous than God.

Gotta follow the trends, gotta make the violently racist suicide baiter an integral part of the story now because the popularity polls have so decided, gotta tone down the commentary on the police state in favour of an endorsement of it, after all all this shit is only happening because there aren't enough Super Cops around to keep the peace, am I fucking right?

[katiecomma]

Book asks!

18, 86, 108

And 135 because you always have the good stuff.

18. Your least favourite book ever.

I'm only including books I actually read all or most of the way through. I don't think it's fair to include a book in this list when I read less than a hundred pages. SO... that being said... it's an entire series. The Soldier Son series by Robin Hobb... I hated it. She is one of my favourite authors of all time but this book... I just... couldn't. The whole SERIES. And I READ the whole series because she's one of my favourites ever... and I thought: I'm going to give her a chance (they're gigantic books too... 3 GIGANTIC fantasy books). And NOPE. Do not read it. It's not connected to any of her other books/worlds so you don't need to for any reason. Just don't.

It's one of those books that gets to the end and it had no point. The entire story had NO point. That's how I felt. I'm sure she'd meant for there to be a point... but it just... nope. And... there was this whole obesity-magic/storyline in it... where the main character ends up basically eating a bunch of magic and becoming fat despite the fact that he's not eating because it's the magic that's making him fat... and then he gets kicked out of military school and ostracized by EVERYONE for being fat... and I just... ugh. As a fat girl I hated it a lot. And then at the end (as I recall because I only read them once) he gets rid of the magic and gets thin again and just... goes on with his life and gets to be happy again now that he's no longer fat and I just WHAT THE FUCK?! I was so mad.

I could see what she was doing with some of tho other themes and whatnot... the indigenous people in these books are being colonized and losing their way of life because of it... they have magic but are being caged in iron so they can't use it etc... and the main character is from a semi-prosperous family in the prairies... so I get where she was going with all of that... I just hated the main character's storyline. SO MUCH. And when it all comes back around and it's like: he got the life he wanted in the end. All of the suffering seemed to have no purpose to me really. I don't even remember the lasting effect anything had on the world.

Sorry for the rant. I really did NOT like this series. And considering that I own SEVERAL copies of the rest of her books that's saying something. Because I LOVE her as an author. But not everyone can make awesome stuff all the time.

86. A book with an insane plot twist.

Ok. Ok. I know I talk about The Raven Cycle a LOT... but it's on my mind... The Raven Cycle has SEVERAL awesome and insane plot twists that I love so much it HURTS. And I'm not going to tell you what ANY of them are... because you should just read the series. It is AMAZING!!!

108. a book with a small town setting.

Wellll... you know The Raven Cycle is set in a small town... OK I'LL STOP! :D

A Complicated Kindness by Miram Toews is set in a small Mennonite town in Manitoba. It's written in a way I NORMALLY don't like... she doesn't use quotation marks for dialogue... normally I would put a book like that down IMMEDIATELY... and then set it on fire... but I got sucked right in by this book despite my hatred of that formatting choice. It's REALLY well written and a really good read. Recommended!

135. Recommend any book you like!

You are a GEM for this one!!!! BUT HOW TO CHOOSE?!?!

Ok.. I'm going to do two.

First: Since I crapped all over one of her other series' up above... I'm going to recommend ANYTHING else by Robin Hobb. Keep in mind that a lot of her books are set in the Six Duchies... and are all kind of interconnected... so even though you can read some of them alone... I think they work better all as one long series (despite being a bunch of sets of trilogies)... so I would recommend starting with the Farseer Trilogy. The first book is Assassin's Apprentice and it's SOOO good. Bastard of the king is trained from a young age to be an assassin for the court and kept hidden. And I just... YES! YES PLEASE! I recently just got the illustrated hardcover of this book and OH MAN SO GOOD.

Second: The Angel of the Crows by Katherine Addison is super fun and awesome. And started as a Sherlock wingfic that the author published. I'm assuming some changes were made. But it's awesome. A twist on Sherlock that I really enjoyed, with lots of throwbacks to the classic Sherlock mysteries.

Thanks for the ask!!!

If anybody else wants to ask, you can do so HERE

[friendofhayley]

I’m back after my hiatus from fanfiction, to give y’all the best multifandom recs of the fics I read this month. Shoutout to all content creators who helped us live to see the close of this year. This fic includes 15 fics for Sterek, Larry, Winteriron, and Geraskier. The starred ones put me through heaven and hell *chef’s kiss*.

Sterek (Teen Wolf)

1. Six Letter Word for Romance by @troubleiwant | domestic kink - omg there’s only one bed - soft Derek - oblivious idiots in love - 6k

Stiles definitely starts off thinking it’s fucking hilarious that Derek-sourwolf-Hale does crosswords and cares about scuffs on his furniture.

But at a certain point, and he can’t pinpoint exactly when, “fully functional adult couple” somehow becomes a massive fetish of his. Derek in sweats and bare feet, nudging his glasses up his nose while he does the Sunday crossword? Unff. Derek filling out forms to get some renovations on his property approved? Oh God, yes. Derek putting away groceries and bitching that the corner store was out of the right type of Greek yogurt? Take me now, Stiles thinks, worrying at his lower lip with his teeth.

This can’t be normal.

2. *Dirty Little Secret* by @isthatbloodonhisshirt | Cora & Stiles bffs - no one can resist the Stilinski charm - celebrity Derek - human au - 91k

“Holy shit, this is a date!” he blurted out, turning back to Derek wide-eyed. “This is a date! You intended for this to be a date, this was supposed to be a date!” He figured if he said it enough times, maybe he would believe it, but so far, no dice.

Derek was scowling again—seriously, did he want wrinkles?—but he just reached into one of the bags and pulled out a burger, checking what was written on the foil in sharpie before handing it over to Stiles.

“Of course it’s a date, what did you think this was?”

3. Can You Feel A Whole New Part of Your World? by @isthatbloodonhisshirt | i genuinely don’t look at authors names i just click i am sorry for spamming you but you write too good - neighbors Sterek - emotionally mature Stiles - the ideal fluffy world you’d want to live in - 53k

Can you hear me singing in the shower?” Stiles blurted out, because he had to know, now. If one of his neighbours had slid that note under his door, then it meant Parrish as another neighbour could hear him, too! He had to know if this was all a huge joke and one person had walked by and overheard him and decided to fuck with him.

Parrish gave him a weird look at the question, but answered anyway, making Stiles’ plans to leave the country speed up in his mind.

“Of course I can. You’re actually not bad. Though you have been singing a lot of Frozen lately, getting kind of tired of the soundtrack.”

4. Theory of Overprotective Canines by @petals42 | derek can turn into wolf - oblivious Stiles - future fic - mutual pining - 11k

Stiles is totally looking forward to living alone in his super cool apartment off-campus. He is. He is also very excited to bike to school every day, ready to set up an awesome game room, and definitely over his crush on Derek Hale. Completely over it.

Or at least he is until Derek decides he's moving in with him. And then turns out to be the perfect roommate. And then starts attending all his classes. As a wolf.

This is not going according to plan.

Larry (One Direction)

5. **The Changer and the Changed** by @homosociallyyours | literally the best fic of all time i want to live in there - girl direction - NYC ‘70s au - trans Zayn - the girls are so lovely - 59k

It’s the spring of 1977 and Harry Styles has just moved to New York City after graduating college. She knows she’s a lesbian. She just needs to figure out how to meet other lesbians.

Louis Tomlinson works at a popular women’s bookstore in the Lower East Side, Womon’s Direction, where she spends her days reading feminist literature, writing poetry, exchanging friendly barbs with her boss Niall, and dreaming of finding someone to love.

When Harry and Louis meet, their connection is instantaneous. Slowly but surely, Louis welcomes Harry into her community of women. Stonewall veteran and old school butch Niall; Liam, a land dyke who’s moved to the city for love; and Zayn, a lesbian musician who’s been ostracized by a vocal part of women’s community for being trans, welcome Harry with open arms, ready to help her find her place in New York City’s bustling lesbian scene.

6. others i’ve seen might never be mean (but they would never do) by @cherrylouvol6 | aaaaaaaa it’s lesbian When Harry Met Sally !!! - rom com - girl direction - coming out and first times - really great sex - 20k

Louis sighs.

“Do you remember what I said to you the first time we met?”

“That I’m naive and neurotic and would be hard pressed to ever find someone who could put up with me?” Harry snaps.

7. some things fade (some never do) by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed | aaaaaa this story took me apart and back together again just like Louis and Harry - urban fantasy au - second chances - exes to friends to lovers - hurt/comfort - 25k

Matching tattoos. He’d never thought he’d be the type for tattoos to begin with, let alone matching or magical ones, but once Harry had put the idea in his mind it had never quite managed to disappear. And it had made sense. With their relationship a long distance one, this was simply another way of feeling close to one another. Of knowing where the other was, how they felt. It had made so much sense.

Back then.

8. we can take the long way home by @eleadore | i usually don’t rec my porn but there’s so much feels in this one - canon-divergent - kink discovery - friends to lovers - this was written in 2015 as a future fic but it felt like it was taking place now so good job - 27k

“Fertile,” Louis says, and then laughs because it sounds stupid to say out loud. He hasn’t ever really thought of himself in those terms. Baby-making terms. It’s just one of those things his body can do, like exercise, or go without tea. Doesn’t mean he will.

Winteriron (MCU)

9. **Dig No Graves** by @missaphelion | Tony finds out about his parents right after winter soldier au - Tony Stark has a heart - Bucky heals with bots and lots of sugar - slow burn - 142k

"I'm here to kill you, Terminator," Tony said slowly, "does that compute?"

The soldier looked up at him with wide blue eyes and no expression. "Okay."

Tony froze. "Okay," he echoed. "I tell you I came here to kill you and your response is 'okay'?"

10. A Rifling Matter by Penndragon27 | Winter Soldier has such a big crush on Tony’s weapons, he escapes Hydra au - identity porn - pining Bucky - fluff and angst - Winter Soldier is a fanboy and it’s cute - 37k

All the Asset knows is fighting, killing.

He also knows a good weapon when he sees one and Stark Industries... they make some great weapons.

11. *Winter is Coming (aka Fifty First Avengers Dates)* by @tisfan & @everyworldneedslove | enemies to friends to lovers to 50 first dates - pining Bucky - Tony gets amnesia - no Steve bashing but he’s a little bit of an ass - mental health issues - 109k

Bucky Barnes is still mostly The Asset, and he's pretty sure Hydra is going to come back for him soon, so in the meantime he's just going to keep an eye on the Avengers for them. But then Clint spotted him hiding in the shadows, so Tony came out and dragged Bucky back to the Tower, threw him in the shower, and fed him cheeseburgers.

Now The Asset is having anomalous feelings. In his pants.

Geraskier (The Witcher)

12. *no reason to run* by @yoursummerfrost | different meeting au - only one bed but camping - cursed Jaskier - soft Geralt!!!! - poly negotiations - 61k

"You'll change your mind one day," says the innkeep. "The road can't love you back."

What a strange way to flatten something so beautiful, Jaskier thinks. What a small way to love.

13. *He Fell into a Faerie Ring* by @geraltnoises | Jaskier gets bardnapped after the fight au - non-human Jaskier - soft Geralt - Jaskier encourages people to be kind and becomes a god - emotionally mature Geralt - 57k

Traders are a gossiping sort. If there was a scandal within the noble houses of Posada, you’d hear about it in Cretegor by the end of the week. So, the quick spread of a rumor about a little village in the Kestrel Mountain range was not at all surprising. What was surprising was the story that the traders wove. They said that Luibhtorrach, a sad, ghost of a farming town, had miraculously become a hub for trade, as if overnight. Their lands unbelievably fertile and brimming with crop. Even stranger, each and every one of Luibhtorrach’s people professed that their good fortune was the work of a mysterious beast they’d claimed as their personal deity. Most recent news foretold of their plans to throw a midsummer festival celebrating this newfound god. In preparation, silken blue banners were erected in every corner of the town, each bearing the symbol of their new patron: A delicate dandelion wrapping around a golden sun.

14. Barking Up the Wrong Tree by KHansen | 5+1 things - I’m worried about Geralt’s skills - non-human Jaskier - monsterfucker Geralt - crack treated seriously - 11k

Geralt is 100% certain that Jaskier is a vampire.

He's 100% proven wrong.

15. Bardic Idyll by Lisztful | fake relationship - Geralt is soft and oblivious - pining - fluff and angst - Jaskier you can’t show your emotions mainly through song! - 13k

Jaskier is certain he can win the Continent's annual bardic competition, but he needs to be accompanied by a dashing romantic companion in order to enter. Enter Geralt, who is definitely, for sure, only interested in the free food, and not at all in staring lovingly into Jaskier's eyes.

[mangora]

Wait here’s my TMA/TD fear-assignment master post (gen 1-3 only sorry I couldn’t think of any strong ones for gen 4):

Gen 1:

Gwen: Buried (her fear of being buried alive, yes, but also I think it’d be fun bc you know she looks like a corpse)

Courtney: Eye (I love archivist Courtney. Also the fact she needs knowledge and access to knowledge through things like the cheating incident and her PDA, but it destroys her...mwah, Jon shit)

Duncan: Desolation (he destroys everything he touches for his own satisfaction. His relationships, private property, exc.)

Cody: Lonely (no matter how many people he talks to or matches together he’s always single and alone, and his social awkwardness wards people off)

Owen: Vast, maybe Web (his fear of flying and also being voted out quickly and his vying for attention are Vast 100% but also the fact Chris used him as a spy in TDA speaks to web)

Noah: Web (his unwillingness to be manipulated by Alejandro or forced to participate by other players is very webby)

Heather: Web or Hunt (she’s manipulative and almost always gets what she wants, but also her preying on others and being adamant about her goals is Hunt shit so idk)

Lindsay: Flesh (her fear of being not beautiful? Flesh 100%)

Beth: Lonely (she’s always trying to be nice or be like others but never gets the attention she wants from it)

Trent: Stranger (his fear of mines, the way everyone finds his number nine compulsion so uncanny, the way he’s put off when Gwen starts acting different in TDA? Yea that’s the stranger. I could definitely see a statement where he talks about always seeing mimes mimicking him and he begins to mimic others and can’t stop)

Katie and Sadie: Stranger (the parallels with Breekon and Hope kill me. They act and look so uncannily alike. Could be interesting if one of them started mimicking the other too and the other is disturbed)

Izzy: Spiral (shes fucking wild)

Eva: Slaughter (full of rage)

Bridgette: Hunt (her fear of being in the woods and her connection with animals is all Huntcore)

Geoff: Web or Lonely (seeing as he’s such a party dude, I could see him being terrified of what it’s like to not be surrounded with people, but also the way he becomes more manipulative in TDA is kinda web-ish)

Leshawna: I honestly dunno. I wanna say Slaughter because of her attitude towards Heather, but also her realist view reminds me of a Spiral victim like Helen, and her actions in TDA are reminiscent of a Web avatar. I’m gonna say Slaughter is the strongest.

Harold: Dark (fear of being sneaked up on by ninjas first off, but also considering how much he knows about everything, I think being in the dark would terrify him)

DJ: Hunt (his animal curse in WT but it manifests to be like way worse)

Ezekiel: Corruption or Hunt (him going feral and becoming a monster is classic corruption but his determination to win through any means necessary is very Hunt)

Tyler: Lonely (his need to impress everyone with his sports stunts and his constant attempts to get Lindsay to remember him? Yea lonely)

Justin: Flesh (his fear of being ugly and the importance he puts in his looks are classic Flesh behavior)

Alejandro: Flesh (he’s manipulative like a Web avatar, but also a lot of his charm comes from his looks, and his fear of putting gross food in his body is very Fleshy)

Sierra: Eye (she knows everything about everyone dude)

Gen 2:

Zoey: Lonely (she grew up ostracized in a small town and has a hard time making the friends she longs for, she’s definitely tied to the Lonely)

Cameron: Eye (once again, knows everything, and wants to experience everything. I could see him as Courtney’s runner-up or assistant, and marked by the buried because I can imagine his bubble would make him scared of being trapped again)

Mike: Web (he’s afraid of doing bad things against his will)

Mal: Slaughter (he just wants to fuck shit up and hurt people)

Vito: Flesh (also puts a lot of importance in his looks)

Manitoba: Hunt (explorer man)

Svetlana: Flesh (since she puts so much time and love into gymnastics, I think an incident involving injury would freak her tf out)

Chester: End (he’s old and wants to make the most of that)

Brick: Dark (he’s afraid of being lost without direction, as well as the literal dark)

Jo: Hunt (shes focused on winning almost exclusively)

Dawn: Extinction (she’s afraid of the earth and creatures on it withering away)

Anne Maria: Lonely (she puts so much emphasis on being seen and loved and gets volatile when people challenge that)

Scott: Web (he’s a master of scheming, what more should I say)

B: Eye (he’s afraid of others knowing about him and can’t give things up easily, but will use his knowledge to help when needed)

Staci: Stranger (she makes up so many lies for no gain besides attention and upsetting people. She’s like a car wreck you can’t look away from)

Dakota: Corruption (marked by the lonely because she needs attention to function, but I think her becoming dakotazoid and the terror she had getting there points to corruption. Also allegory of Hollywood destroying her blah blah blah)

Sam: Desolation (his self worth is put into material objects like video games and the destruction of them is shown to ruin him)

Lightning: Hunt (I know his body image leans into Flesh but his determination to win and arrogance are like that of a natural predator)

Gen 3:

Shawn: Extinction (I think he’s marked by corruption too because of his fear of zombies corrupting him, but the mass tragedy angle and doomsday prepping is very extinction-like)

Jasmine: Buried (claustrophobia, yea, but also her fear of being trapped by her feelings for Shawn point to buried. This ones kinda loose though, I could see her connected to the web or hunt too)

Sky: Flesh (similar to Svetlana, I think an injury as a gymnast would destroy her, also a big part of flesh is pride, and losing her pride and winning streak freaks Sky out)

Dave: Corruption (his germaphobia as well as his insistence on being with or ‘infecting’ Sky...yea that’s the corruption)

Scarlett: Eye (she knows a lot and uses it to watch and manipulate others)

Max: Web (he’s very methodical, if not smart, in his scheming, and him being outwitted by Scarlett freaked him tf out)

Ella: Lonely (I mainly say this for her fear of being hated by Sugar. I could also see Buried bc shes upset about Chris trapping her by revoking her ability to sing)

Leonard: Spiral (could also lean into Stranger, but his ability to convince so many people to believe in something that doesn’t exist purely with his own belief in magic is very Spirally, plus his frustration with Dave is much like Micheal’s with Jon when he could see through his bullshit, and him losing his ability to cast physical magic is very much like a Spiral victim’s descent back into humanity)

Beardo: Dark (put simply, we don’t know much about him, and he disguises any recognizable trait with sounds. Could also be Stranger)

Sugar: Hunt (fear of losing, exc. also the way she preys on others weaknesses for her own game, pun intended? Yea)

Sammy (I will not call her Samey in this house): Lonely (Amy traps her in a world where no one will talk to her or validate her ideas, it’s pretty sad. Could also see her touched by the Eye during her time impersonating Amy)

Amy: Web (she’s great at manipulating others into liking her)

Topher: Stranger (him trying to replace Chris and disillusion others to it is a pretty not-them move)

Rodney: Lonely (the fact that he’s constantly misunderstood and can’t connect with others because of it. Sad)

Feel free to add your own input! I’m not 100% sure on quite a few of these and some of the traits of the fears overlap (Stranger and Web, Hunt and Slaughter, exc.) so uh beans