#i would actually love to road trip around the uk for reals but i would need to know how to drive so i could bring my dogs

[call-me-pup2]

I would like a pup visit please 🥺

I should do a lil uk road trip to visit everyone 🚗

[thelikesofus]

Buddie Fic Recs

REC LIST NUMBER 7! I’m finally home so I can finally share with you the over three months worth of Buddie fics that I have read to keep me sane while I was traveling around the UK.  As always, please show these authors some love in their comments xx Find my other Buddie Rec Lists HERE

REMINDER TO CHECK THE TAGS AND TRIGGER WARNINGS

What's Easy is Right by @half_bakedboy | G | 18k

Buck romances Eddie the way that he deserves. It was so refreshing to read a fic like this where everything just goes right for them. They just get to fall in love and be happy without any conflict or "big bad thing" arising. They were allowed to just be in love and happy and I love that so much <3

my man says he loves me (never says he loves me not) by @colonoscopys | G | 1.9k

Buck and Eddie unknowingly commiserate with each other through a website entitled: inlovewithmybestfriendandgoingtodie.com! This fic is absolutely incredible. I could literally cry, it's so good!!

loves a game, wanna play? by @exhuastedpigeon | M | 57k

Love Island AU. In the aftermath of Chris leaving for the summer, Buck convinces Eddie they should apply for Love Island together. I have never watched Love Island, or ever wanted to, but if this fic was a real season I would EAT. IT. UP!

Eddie vs Romance by @littlespoonevan | T | 27k

This lovely two-part series in which Eddie does a lot of self-learning and then gets romanced as he deserves. 

Too Often the Power of Touch is Underestimated by @xjustlikeyou | T | 15k

Five times a touch knocked Eddie off his feet, and the one time he got to return the favor. I have no words to describe how wholly and profoundly perfect this fic is to me. This is THEE Buddie touch-centric w/ pining Eddie fic of all time!

Until the Dancing Ends by @phoenix-angel-suyari  | G | 4k

Eddie finally sees footage of Buck's reaction to him getting buried in the well and Eddie reacts proportionately by kissing him in front of everyone. So, so good!

i'm here with the door wide open by @eddiebabygirldiaz| T | 24k

Eddie copes with the absence of Chris but also the presence of Buck. I adore this fic, Eddie finally learning to allow himself to feel things and to accept that he deserves to love and be loved in return and that what he feels for Buck doesn't need to be stamped down and hidden. The ending is so beautifully soft too! 

you're almost home (i've been waiting for you to come in) by @sibylsleaves | E | 24k 

Buck breaks up with Taylor, moves out of the loft and in with Eddie. Let the Buddie Roommates and Pining Era begin! As all of Sibyl’s fics are this is just incredible and I devoured it!

the tortured poets department by @colonoscopys | E | 18k 

The first time Buck touched him, Eddie blew an ambulance up AKA Eddie has magic and a lot of complicated feelings about his best friend.

there ain't no turning back by @42hrb | E | 28k

After dropping Chris off at College, Eddie begins his journey home only Buck to fly out to crash his Sad Dad Cross Country Road Trip™. This fic made me feel a hundred billion emotions so strongly. Incredible.

Hot Ghost Problems by @ebjameston | T | 40k 

Not Actually Dead™ Ghost!Buck and Witch!Eddie. This fic is actually incredible! 10/10. Five Stars.

Season of Hope (After the Flood) by @saryasy | T | 58k

Eddie learns a lot about himself while waiting for his son to come home. The pinning and beautiful, KARENEDDIE BESTIE-ISM FOR THE WIN! And a beautiful tender happy ending xx 

the going water and the gone by @try-set-me-on-fire | T | 31k

Eddie Diaz presumed dead? Again? More likely than you think. I live for these sorts of fics and this one set Post Cruise Ship is so good!! 

come and be my baby by @colonoscopys | T | 21k

What is Buck and Eddie got together in season 2? This made me laugh and cry and feel all kinds of emotions and it's just so beautiful!!!!!!!

ice cream before dinner by cloudydaisies | T | 58k

This fic really doesn’t need any introduction because I think we are all obsessed. GIRL UNCLE!EDDIE + ICE CREAM TUESDAYS ❤️

bottle episode by @transboybuckley | T & E | 14k

The 118 has a 24-hour shift, and zero calls. The softest bottle episode, full of Firefam love, Buddie, and which is somehow also about crying over trees.

when everything's on fire by @glowingyears | T | 15k

Eddie and Chris move into the loft with Buck after a house fire and then they buy a house together. SO COZY SO LOVELY THERE IS JUST SO MUCH LOVE IN THIS FIC.

From the Ground Up by @blueberrytwoberry | M | 17k

Eddie finds a massive dog on his porch and can’t seems to get rid of it. THE DOG IS BUCK! BUCK IS A DOG! DOG BUCK! 

cold rain, warm skin by @gayhoediaz | T | 2.5k

Just the softest coziest morning kisses ever known to man <3

death wish love by @eddiebabygirldiaz | E | 15k

After his break up with Tommy, Buck goes to Eddie's, he wakes up the next morning only to be pummeled by his hangover and his attraction to Eddie. No words can possibly describe the soft comfortable and loving cocoon that this fic creates.

We Both Go Down Together by @xylodemon | T | 4k

A near death/drowning experience, a love confession and hospital pronounced husbands, what's not to love!?!

[heyimdove]

It’s been about a month since I finished Drinking Buddies and Diaries, so I have a quick story about writing it and how COOL fanfic readers are:

I don’t live in the UK, only been there once, and my short stint in London happened to coincide with a terrorist attack about a block from where I was, so my memories of it are tinted a bit off. When I think of London now, I mostly associate it with tons of low-flying helicopters (also one fantastic leek soup)((and public toilets that cost money))(((and a ferret on a leash I saw at St. James Park))).

So all the places referenced are almost entirely googled. And I spent FOREVER looking through various pubs near Soho/St. James Park/Berkeley Square before finally deciding to use the Goat Tavern (mainly because the big golden goat that stares down at you from the road). It just so happened that the pub had a controversial history and some neat secret underground tunnels- basically the kind of place I could see demons hanging around. Goats are so often associated with satanic stuff thanks to Ol’ Baphomet, so it really seemed to fit perfectly in a never-been-there-but-I-hope-this-works kind of way.

Well, actually, it turns out there are TWO Goat Taverns. Not far from each other. One has a golden goat, the other has a goat stonework thingy. The one without the golden goat had the murderer and tunnels, I think? Regardless, wtf London? Couldn’t one of you have been The Ram? The Alpaca? Some other even-toed ungulate?

Anyway, it’s too late to change it now, so Muriel and Crowley go to the Goat Tavern, meaning they go to both at once, meaning it’s one fucking pub in my fic, two pubs just mushed into one.

Despite this confusing development, a reader (egana) decided to make the trip over to the Goat Tavern (the Mayfair one). They said:

“I… shall be paying a pilgrimage to The Goat Tavern in honour of this fic later this week”

Obviously that was an extremely cool thing to say and I begged them to tell me what it’s like. It turns out they actually went!:

I have been smiling all day at this because it really makes the time I spent digitally trekking through all these little pubs and eateries to find the right one for Crowley to take Muriel to, when he couldn’t bring himself to dine at The Ritz with anyone but Aziraphale, entirely worth it. It sounds more angelic than I intended but I actually love that, because now it’s more believable that angels would enter it at all, despite that freaky staring goat.

Like bro are u kidding me

Anyway, fanfic readers constantly make me feel the warmest feelings towards the world and I love you all. I love that egana would take the trip out and even bother to follow up. The people I’ve been able to interact with since posting are just lovely. I was so afraid to share my writing with the world. As it turns out, the world is actually very, very nice.

Someone let me know recently that DB&D is the most-kudoed post-S2 fic (or was when she told me anyway, it might not be anymore), and that is so mind-blowing and heartening. I’ve been working on some personal novels lately, and it’s all thanks to the support and kindness from fic readers. So if you’re here because you read DB&D, you should know that you have helped resuscitate me. Thank you. If I ever get published, I’m dedicating my first novel to you!

And if I ever do get published, we can all take comfort in the fact that I would have an editor who will stop me from combining two real places into one. I still can’t get over that TWO GOAT TAVERNS exist on opposite sides of one fucking park

[survey--s]

551.

How is your day? It’s been pretty good so far. A client/friend of mine messaged me to say they just got a brand new puppy and I get to meet him tomorrow. He is SUPER CUTE.

What time is it? It’s currently 2.30pm exactly.

Have you done anything super important today? Nah, it’s my weekend off. 

Have you avoided responsibilities today? No, I’ve actually been quite productive even though it’s my day off. I got up, fed and sorted the animals, vacuumed, showered, had breakfast, washed up, emptied the bins and cleaned the floors all before lunch. I plan on just chilling for the rest of the day though.

Name something on your to do list for week: Meeting Reuben the puppy tomorrow, then going out for brunch with Susie after.

Name something you want to do this upcoming weekend: Well, ^^ that’s my plan for tomorrow which is Sunday. I have no plans in place for next weekend yet.

Do you have a Job? If yes, what do you do? Yeah, I run my own dog-walking business.

Do you study or have you studied before? I have an honours degree.

What is your dream career? I love what I do at the moment. If I wasn’t physically able to dog walk all day then I’d still pick something animal related, maybe pet-sitting on a more full-time basis, or dog boarding.

What is the weather like outside? Humid, sunny and around 22 degrees.

Name a hobby or interest you have: Horse riding.

Somewhere you would like to holiday/take a vacation to? Japan.

How is covid impacting your day to day life? It’s not anymore. We’ve had no restrictions in place in the UK for a couple of years now. Nobody even talks about COVID anymore.

It’s crazy to think we are in a pandemic worldwide and this is be a huge part of history, right? It was pretty insane - I mean, I look back at global lockdowns and just think about how utterly bizarre that is. I find it weird to think that in the future, people will study this like we study the plague.

What is your favourite animal? Tigers, wolves, penguins, lemurs, dogs, cats.

What is your favourite thing about nature? How beautiful it can be.

Do you enjoy the beach? I love the beach. I’m incredibly lucky to live so close to several amazing beaches. It was always my dream growing up to live near the sea.

Have you ever been face to face with some form of huge marine creature? Only in zoos - we get the odd dolphin, shark, seal or porpoise off the coast here but you never see them up close.

Ever been shark cage diving? What did you think? Nope. I’d give it a go though.

Every attempted to surf or taken lessons? No. I wear glasses and can’t wear contacts so lots of water-sports are kind of off-limits for me as I can’t see a bloody thing lol.

Have you ever collected shells from a beach? Yeah, as a kid I used to collect sea glass, shells and rocks.

Do you believe mermaids exist? No. It’s a cool idea though.

Do you believe in anything paranormal? No, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t change my mind given enough evidence.

Aliens! Real or Imagination? Personally I think it’s pretty arrogant to think we’re the only planet capable of supporting life. I definitely believe in extra-terrestrials but that’s not the same as believing in little green men in spaceships.

Where would you like to road trip to? who would you take? Scotland with Mike and the dog.

Your best friends name? I don’t really have a best friend.

Where did you met? How long ago? ...

What has been on your mind a lot lately? Not a huge amount, really.

Would you rather travel interstate or overseas? (if covid was non existent) Overseas.

[technowoah]

Wait imagine a fic where Jack and the reader are long distance or something and when Tubbo and Tommy are doing the man hunt irl the reader surprises Jack.

That would be cute I think 🤔

Just One Livestream

You surprise Jack with a spontaneous visit to the UK, little did you know that they were livestreaming.

- Jack Manifold x gen neutral!reader

- Anon Requested!

⚠︎ swearing, fluff!, not proofread

an// I hope yall enjoy! Much love! And sorry it came out so late I have no inspiration rn but imma get it done! Also I used the difference of American hours to London hours so sorry of

Navigation!

"Love, why are you up early?" Jack asked through the phone.

You two were facetiming eachother as he propped his phone up on his dashboard while he started to drive. It was around 1 am for you and 6 am for Jack. Sadly you two were in a long distance relationship. You had met Jack when you were on a college trip to London to study abroad for 3 weeks. You were sad that you had to leave your home country, but this was a opportunity you couldn't oppose.

During this trip you had found a cafe that you would go to often. The first time you sat at the cafe alone you always noticed it was only you and this other man in the cafe. He was always on his computer and sat by a window, he always came early too, even earlier than you. As the days went on you continued to see him around more and he seemed to notice you as well. You made a note to yourself to always try and show up a tad bit earlier to the cafe to stay around the same time as he did.

You two got to know eachother throughout the three weeks you had to stay in London. The small nods became hellos, and the hellos turned into full on conversation by the window. He had told you his name was Jack Manifold and was kind of surprised when you didn't immediately know who he was. To him it was refreshing not to be immediately noticed based on his appearance. You both had exchanged numbers one day and after each morning you two would text non stop even during your classes. Luckily trying to get to know Jack changed your sleep schedule and because of that you always made it to class on time.

Jack was such an amazing guy to you, but during the first week you had developed a small crush on the man, and he had developed a crush on you too. The second week you two had ventured out onto different territory than the cafe. Jack started to call those small outings after class, dates and you weren't opposed to the dates at all you loved them. The second and third week were mostly dates and the night before you left he asked to be your boyfriend and of course you accepted not knowing the pain of a long distance relationship.

You had to answer his question on why you were up so early. "Yeah- Um, Im up because of you." You chuckled. "You changed my sleep schedule ever since I met you."

"Well you're welcome, because before me I heard you were missing classes." Jack payed attention to the road but still talked to you.

"Because I told you! And I am grateful, but there is nothing to do at one am here." You sighed while you started to walk around your room as you lied to him.

Jack was talking to you while you did a clean sweep around your house to check if you had everything for your trip.

Two weeks ago you had decided to pack your bags and take a trip back to London. Right now your flight will be leaving early in the morning and that's why you are up so early.

You wanted to surprise Jack instead of straight up telling him that you will be in the country. You missed him dearly, and this will be a great way to spend time together instead of seeing eachother across a screen. One of you had to make that sacrafice and that would be you.

While Jack continued to talk you checked everywhere to make sure you arent leaving anything behind.

"What are you doing, darling?" Jack asked and that snapped you out of your trance. "Are you even listening to me? Im hurt." Jack faked being hurt.

You smiled at him and shook your head. "Im sorry I wasn't listening. What were you saying?"

"I was saying, when you were ignoring me, that I'm going to the cafe right now and that we should plan a trip soon. I miss you." Jack confessed and you awed.

"I miss you too Jack! I hopw we can see each other soon." You tried to contain your smile as you hid your surprise.

"Me too."

Your plane finally landed as you let out a sigh of relief. You had collected all of your shit fast so you could finally get off of that horrible plane. Every stereotypical airplane scene happened to you in the hours you were on that plane. You had a child crying behind you with a mother who couldn't keep that child calm, you were sat next to a man who snored the whole ride here and you just felt cramped.

Sadly you couldn't return any of Jack's messages or calls that you saw when you were in the airplane terminal. You tried calling him twice but they both went to voicemail while you rolled your bag through the huge building. Finding yourself outside you ordered an Uber and once you did that your phone began to ring showing Jack's name and picture of you two together on the screen.

You quickly answered the phone. "Hey!"

"Hi!" Jack chuckled. "I called like, 17 times!"

"I know! Im sorry. I was busy." You weren't lying getting a plane and basically leaving early in the morning and arriving in the afternoon in London. "So, what are you doing today?"

"I am hanging out with Tommy and Tubbo at the park! Im picking them up now!" Jack responded and you heard him close his car door.

"Which park?" You asked quickly as you saw your Uber arrive.

Jack started to laugh. "Uh I'll text you the park I guess. Why would you want to know?"

"No reason! I just want to make sure you are safe. Dont make me call 999." You tried to joke around and take the attention off of your question.

"I cant believe you still remember 999." Jack laughed.

"I still do!" You said as you got inside your Uber and gave the driver the directions to your hotel forgetting that Jack was on the other line.

"Wait hotel?" Jack questioned through the phone.

"Hotel? What are you talking about?" You acted oblivious.

"I- I thought you were talking about a hotel." Jack hesitated.

"No!" You tried to cover up your mistake.

"Well Im going to pick up Tommy soon. I'll talk to you later okay? Answer my calls this time!" Jack chuckled.

"I definitely will!"

You had recived the name of the park you were surprising Jack at. You began to walk around the parking lot after you got dropped off and noticed his car sitting there. There were tons of people at the park today and you didn't know where he would be. As you walked on the dirt trails of the park your thoughts took over, what if you made a mistake and should've told Jack that you were here in London and wanted to meet up at the cafe?

You looked at people as they passed by you ok the trail wishing that you had that energy that you had before, thinking that you would find Jack easily when in reality you were in a busy part of the park and he could be anywhere.

When you thought all hope was lost you heard some loud voices on the trail to your right. You were already walking aimlessly through the park and your first instinct was to go left and walk away from the loud voices, but then you heard something.

"Tommy this was a bad idea!"

"I dont think it was!"

You stood in the "intersection" of the dirt trails thinking that you heard those voices right. You rounded the corner and followed right to see Tommy and Jack doubled over, out of breath while Tubbo was still standing up breathing heavily. There were far away from you, but not far away that you couldn't see them clearly.

You began to call out to them. "Tommy! Jack! Tub-"

They quickly turned around and took off running. Confused on why they were doing that you took off running after them trying to tell them to stop. They were yelling and you were yelling and getting weird glances from stangers, and you dont blame them. You're chasing after your boyfriend and his two friends in a quiet public park. You continued to hear their groans of tiredness and their speed started to slow down.

"Jack! Tommy! Wait up!" You yelled out of breath as you slowed down as well.

"We give up! We give up!" Tubbo yelled and came to a complete stop while trying to catch his breath. He turned around to finally face you. "Y/N?!"

"Wait what?!"

"You're here?!" Jack ran up to you and gave you a bone crushing hug, rocking you two back and forth.

"I am! And Im our of breath thanks to you three." You said while still hugging Jack.

"M'sorry I thought you were a fan and I took off and they followed suit I guess." Tommy rubbed his forehead.

"A fan?" You questioned and Tommy and Tubbo lifted their phones up gesturing that they were recording.

"We're doing manhunt in real life, darling." Jack kissed your temple and wrapped his arn around your waist, holding you tight.

"Next time look before you run okay." You smiled still out of breath while kissing Jack's cheek.

"Enough with the PDA!" Tubbo yelled still recording you two.

"We havent even started!" Jack yelled back giving you a huge hug. Jack closed the distance between you two and gave you a passionate kiss on the lips while the two boys groaned in disgust.

"I think that's enough streaming for today boys." Tommy sighed.

"Sorry again, love. That won't happen again."

You and Jack walked hand in hand down the streets of London. People had to walk around you two because you were basically taking up the whole sidewalk and you weren't letting go of his hand anytime soon.

"It better not! I dont want to run after you again." You smiled as you bumped shoulders.

"And you wont have to!" He smiled back at you as you two continued to walk and people dodged the two of you.

"Have you ever thought of moving here?" Jack asked out of nowhere.

"I have actually! On the plane ride here I thought of leaving and moving to London." You thought about it constantly. It was nice being close to Jack and it was a major risk.

"Well wherever you're ready, I'll be here for you." Jack kissed your cheek. "And I wont run away when you come here!"

You two finally made it to your destination which was the cafe you two met at. It was busy at this time because it was the middle of the day and not the beginning. You two entered and took your seats by the window where you two usually sat.

"I love you. I missed this." Jack said.

"I love you too! And of course I missed this. Maybe you can show me more places around London and convince me to stay longer." You gave him a proposal.

"Longer than what?" Jack asked.

"Four weeks." You grinned.

Jack grabbed both of your hands and kissed the back of them. "Hell yeah. I get you for more than four weeks?!"

"That's if you show me places to stay longer." You teased.

"Okay babe. You like ferris wheels?"

[missymurphy1985]

The Extra (part 9)

Warning - illness, mentions of death

Authors Note - I have personal experience of this horrific disease - I hope I don't upset anyone with it, but it's a topic very close to my heart.

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @namelesslosers @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @cilleveryone @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton

A month had passed since you'd deleted his number and blocked him. You were staring at the letter in your hand, shaking. You knew this day was coming, but you'd pushed it so far down that you had only truly thought about it when Cillian had told you he loved you.

You'd told Liane the truth. Why you couldn't commit to him, even though you desperately wanted to. Truth be told you'd fallen for him just as hard - and that's exactly why you'd pushed him away. It was bad enough you had to live with this, you couldn't force someone else to. She'd encouraged you to get tested - and you knew she was right. It was time you took your life in your hands once and for all. You'd spent too many years since your mother's and sister's untimely deaths burying it.

Picking up the phone, you dialled the number, heart pounding. The receptionist answered.

"Morning. My name is y/n y/l/n. I had some tests. I've had a letter to say the results are in?"

"Can I ask what the test was for?" The receptionist asked.

"My GP referred me. It's for the breast cancer gene. I'd like to know if I carry it."

"Let me check our records Miss Y/L/N. Yes, I have your results here. Would you be available to come in this afternoon? We've had a cancellation?"

"Can you not tell me over the phone?"

"I'm not allowed to, the doctor has requested to see you in person." Your heart lurched, that was never a good sign.

You immediately wanted to call Cillian, but remembered you didn't have his contact details any more. You called Liane instead. She would pick you up at 2pm and go with you to the appointment.

Sat in the waiting room, Liane held you hand to calm you. Your nerves were in tatters. This disease had already taken so much from you - your mum, your older sister, two cousins... You knew there was a strong chance it was going to take you, too. The doctor called you through.

"Your results are here y/n. And I'm pleased to inform you -"

"What?" You gasped. The doctor smiled and took your hands in hers.

"Y/n, you don't carry the gene. It isn't there - your chances of developing breast cancer are no higher than mine, or Joan Bloggs on the street. You're going to be okay." Even the doctor had tears in her eyes. Liane was gobsmacked. You just burst into tears.

"I'm not going to die?"

"Oh honey if I had the cure for that I'd be a millionaire!" She laughed, you did too. You felt like the world had just been lifted off your shoulders, taking a dark cloud with it. A dark cloud you'd been living with for nearly 10 years. The real reason you'd split with your ex. The reason you refused to get your breasts out for auditions. The real reason you backed away from a life in acting. You didn't see the point if you weren't going to be here for the long haul... But now?

Now you'd been given a new life. A new start. And your thrown away the best chance of happiness you'd ever had in one stupid click of a button.

Liane noticed your sadness in the car on the way home. You suddenly realised you weren't actually heading home though, you were on the M6 heading to Wolverhampton.

"Erm.. where are we going?" You asked, seeing the sign for Wolverhampton fly past.

"Road trip."

"Destination?"

"It's a surprise!! Do you trust me?"

"Always..."

"Then don't ask questions."

You rolled your eyes and figured you were probably en route to Bicester Village in Oxford. That was your happy place - a day of shopping, good food, few drinks in the evening... Before long though, your eyelids grew heavy. You always fell asleep on car journeys, this one was no different. Within ten minutes you were out cold.

You felt Liane nudge you gently, waking you. Opening your eyes, you looked around, expecting to see the car park. Instead you saw terraced houses, a green park, and a street sign with 'London Borough - Kilburn' on it.

"Why am I in London??" You asked. Liane shrugged her shoulders.

"Fancied a change - never been before! Just got on the motorway and drove. Been years since we've done that hasn't it! Just drove with no destination?" You grinned, remembering the random road trips you used to take years ago. You'd ended up all over the UK, even catching a ferry to Amsterdam one Friday night just because you were bored!

"So what's the plan?"

"Let's go explore!" She paid for the parking via an app on her phone and you both climbed out the car. The houses were all Victorian style and beautiful. The park was glorious - the sun shining on it beautifully. Liane suggested a picnic in the park first to line your stomachs, then cocktails.

"Aren't you driving us home later?"

"Yes - I'll be on the mocktails! Come on, let's go find food... There's loads of little deli places over there!"

Picnic done, it was cocktail time. Sadly, there didn't appear to be a cocktail bar anywhere near... But there was a nice looking pub over the road. Settling on a normal G&T, you both made your way over. Liane sent you inside to get the drinks while she sat in the beer garden out the back.

Heading outside with two G&Ts, you looked around for her but she was nowhere to be found. You quickly scanned inside again just to make sure you'd not missed her. Setting the drinks down on a bench outside, you waited. Must've gone to the toilet. Taking your phone out you sent her a text letting her know where you were.

Ten minutes passed - still no sign. You were worried now. A ping on your phone.

"For god's sake woman open your eyes and look in the corner!!" Liane... What the hell? You looked up and nearly dropped your phone. Sitting ten feet away from you, on his own... Holding his phone in his hand and staring at you the same way you were staring at him. In complete disbelief.

He looked back at his phone and shook his head. Both of you realising you'd been set up. Completely played.

He stood up, you were convinced he was going to leave but he didn't. He sat opposite you instead.

"Hey," he smiled.

"Hey..."

"Can I talk before you do?" He asked. You nodded.

"I know... I didn't... Fuck this makes so much more sense in my head..." He laughed.

"Can I talk instead?" He nodded. You took a deep breath and told him the truth. About your family. The deaths. The illness. The tests.. and the results.

"That's why I pushed you away. That's why I push everyone away. But you were the first one I pushed that I regretted... I regretted it so much because no one had ever made me feel as alive as you did. No one made me float on air like you did. No one made me forget about this cloud hanging over me like you did..."

"You thought I'd leave you if you had the gene?"

"My Dad left when my mom was diagnosed. He couldn't handle it so he bailed. Wasn't a great role model."

"Your dad's a dick. I'm not." His brutal, dead pan response made you laugh. In fact you didn't just laugh, you were in hysterics. He laughed with you, and took your hands in his.

"If I promise not to tell you I love you, will you let me see you?"

"No."

"Erm... Okay?"

"I want you to tell me you love me, if you mean it. Then I'll decide."

"Y/N... I. Love. You. I fucking love you. I adore you. I've had the most miserable four weeks of my life thanks to you!" He laughed.

"Yeah I'm sorry about that.."

"It's okay. You can make it up to me."

"You're giving me a second chance?"

"I never gave up on the first one. But this time, we take it slow. Get to know each other. I'll start by asking if I can take you out to dinner tonight?"

"I have nothing with me... All my stuff's at home..."

"Fair enough. Then we have two choices. You go shopping with Liane and get yourself something.. or go home and we can arrange to meet another time?"

"I'm already here, and shopping was on our to do list. Dinner tonight sounds lovely."

"Unblock my number. I'll text you the details later, okay?" He finished his drink and pulled his jacket on, quickly typing a text as you unblocked his number. If only you'd known it was that easy to get his contact details again... The message pinged through.

"Thank you..." You smiled reading it. He leaned over and kissed your cheek softly, before walking away. Glancing back, smiling, as he left the pub.

Liane was with you in seconds.

"You sneaky little shit, how did you do this??" You laughed.

"Anto contacted me last week, said he was sick of Cillian moping. We kinda worked together... Are you mad at me?"

"Not at all. Where's Anto?"

"Right here." Anto appeared out of nowhere and you threw your arms around him.

"Thank you. For everything?"

"No need to thank me. This was Liane's idea. Bit of a rush to sort once you'd got those results but luckily you live 3 hours away and you sleep like the dead!" He laughed. "Now get yourself gone - you have a date to prepare for!"

[blouisparadise]

Upon request, here is a rec list of bottom Louis fics with everyone’s favorite trope - sharing a bed! We hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) Just Like Live Wires | Explicit | 5427 words

Harry climbs into Louis' bed when he's cold. Louis pines.

2) Been Gone Way Too Long | Explicit | 8836 words

“This can’t be happening,” Louis says, banging his hand against the window. “This seriously can’t be happening right now.”

Things like this only happen in the movies. Things like this don’t happen in real life. There’s no way that he’s seriously been snowed in. There’s no way that the heating is broken. There’s no way that it’s going to take upwards of twenty-four hours and probably a lot longer for the storm to break and someone to come and rescue them.

“Just sit down, Louis,” Harry sighs from somewhere behind him. He sounds miserable, like he’s already feeling the cold.

Louis whirls around and points a finger at him. “Did you plan this?” he demands a little hysterically. He regrets the question as soon as it’s out of his mouth, but he thinks he’s got a valid point. It’s not like this storm just came out of nowhere - it has to have been on the news for a couple of days, at least. Plenty of time for Harry to have canceled this excursion.

3) I'm Trying Not To Make A Sound | Explicit | 10452 words

Louis thinks he could die right there. He can’t feel anything but the tingling sensation all over his skin. He’s throwing away all his past thoughts on trying to be straight and denying his reactions towards other men, he just wants more of this numbing feeling. Everything else is a long lost memory, can’t think of anything else besides, wow, this feels incredible.

4) Enjoy The Ride | Not Rated | 11103 words

The one where Louis, an omega more than tired of being treated as lesser than alphas, is forced on a road trip by his beta besties only to meet Harry who might just be the alpha he never knew he wanted.

5) Cuffed | Not Rated | 15254 words

What would you do if you were handcuffed to your enemy for 48 hours?

6) Up For It | Explicit | 18223 words

The one where Liam is Mr Organised, Zayn is too perceptive for his own good, Niall is a compulsive matchmaker, and Harry and Louis might just have the surprise to shock them all.

7) Holiday Greetings (And Gay Happy Meetings) | Not Rated | 18417 words | Sequel

Note: This fic has no smut, but it has omega Louis. The sequel has smut.

The one where Niall's dead car and and a foot of snow conspire to force Louis into spending time with an alpha he hates.... or does he?

8) The Aurora Zone | Explicit | 19633 words

The one where Harry is busy crossing off his bucket list while Louis is busy falling for the guy he's supposed to hate.

9) I Wanna Be More Than Friends | Not Rated | 20721 words

The one where Harry’s an alpha with no sense of smell, Louis’ an omega who isn’t allowed to scent his best friend, and that’s all they’ll ever be. Obviously.

10) Etched In Salt (Is A Cathedral Of The World) | Explicit | 24417 words

Note: This fic has BH mentions. It is also locked and can only be read by AO3 users.

Louis asks for very few things in life, and they are: to solve cases, to keep bad people from doing their bad things, to get good coffee, to go home to a spacious apartment with nobody else in it, and to manage his stupid telempathy powers with minimal interference. And now he's stuck in a tiny cabin in a snowstorm in the middle of god-awful-nowhere with Harry Styles. Because of course he is.

11) Like A Siren In The Night | Explicit | 25868 words

“There is an infestation in my home,” Louis hisses, righting himself quickly and pushing his way past Harry, heading directly for the kitchen. He’s rather haphazardly dressed himself, a coat thrown on over a loose flannel shirt and black pants, slippers on his feet.

Harry resists the urge to sigh, closing the door and trailing behind him slowly. “What kind of infestation?”

For all he knows, Louis is going to claim that there’s a ghost infestation. Harry has no idea what the end game is here – all he knows is that Louis has found at least three complaints a week to bring up since he’s been living on Harry’s property, and he’s been living here for six months.

It’s way too many fucking complaints, is what Harry is saying. Especially when most of them are ridiculous to start with.

12) Always Come Back To You | Explicit | 28682 words

“I’ll do it,” Harry offers brightly. No one even blinks. “I’ll do it?”

Louis sighs irritably. “Shut up,” he orders, tossing a pillow in the general direction of Harry’s face. This is a terrible time for jokes, especially Harry’s lame, old people ones.

Not that it was an old people joke. Just that most of the time Harry’s jokes consist of knock-knocks or terrible puns. The type of jokes old people like, Louis’ pretty sure. His nan always finds them hilarious when Harry tells her one.

Harry bats the pillow out of the air without even blinking. “Be reasonable, Lou,” he says in his most reasonable voice.

Louis is perfectly reasonable, thank you very much, and he’s also frustrated and upset and tired and he really wants to punch something. Maybe he should have held on to that pillow a little longer.

“You’re not gonna fucking do it,” he snaps. “That’s the last thing I need.”

13) We’re Not Who We Used To Be | Explicit | 30611 words

“Harry…” Louis’ voice catches in his throat, thick with tears threatening to fall out, so he coughs to clear it before trying again. “Harry is Liam’s best man?” “You didn’t know?” Harry is standing at the entrance of the garage, mouth slightly open and face pulled together. He sets his bag on the ground and puts his hands on his hips. When he does that, he looks just like the Harry that Louis remembers (and loves, he thinks with an aching heart). “I’m sure I mentioned it,” Liam says, but Louis can tell he’s lying by the way he chews on his lower lip and twists his fingers together. “You’re all a bunch of dick heads, I’m getting in the car.” Louis isn’t sure if he’s being unreasonable. He has no idea what the protocol is when your ex-boyfriend shows up after three years and nobody bothered to give you a heads up. He’s pretty sure he’s allowed to be upset about it, even if it’s only for a bit.

14) Blind From This Sweet, Sweet Craving | Explicit | 31170 words

"So, I guess we'll go?" Louis asks later, when Harry has calmed down and eaten his weight in Chinese food. He plays with this chopsticks, spearing another piece of chicken and pops it in his mouth. "I mean, I wouldn't mind. We could make it an adventure."

Harry observes him, watches him seated across from him on their old living room carpet, with a container of food on his lap. He's fidgeting, avoiding meeting Harry's gaze–he probably knows that Harry's mad at him for ruining the one chance they had to get out of this situation. And he's not wrong, Harry is definitely very mad. Harry wants to strangle him and castrate him and smack him upside the head.

But he's also Harry's best friend, and despite everything, despite all the fuck-ups and the plot twists and everything just not playing out the way it should, he'd still rather be stuck in this situation with Louis than any of the other boys. He's got Harry's back, and in a weird, abstract way, he knows they'll be able to get out of this situation, together.

Harry sighs. "We're going," he says resignedly, his shoulders slumping.

Oh well. There are definitely worse ways to spend the weekend than pretending to be engaged to his best friend.

15) Welcome Back From The Friend Zone | Mature | 32584 words

The one where an idea to create a fake wedding with the sole intent to receive gifts from billionaires took a turn no one, but also everyone, saw coming.

16) Let Me Feel Your Heartbeat | Explicit | 34572 words

Harry is 98% sure Louis hates him. So he feels like his bewilderment is justified when the omega offers to help him through his rut.

17) Close To Nowhere | Explicit | 34589 words

Louis and Harry are psychics who kind of hate each other. They go to Tennessee to investigate a haunting.

18) Playing To Win | Explicit | 36732 words

Big Brother UK alumni Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles are selected for the UK vs Australia All Stars series with a massive one million dollar prize in the offing. They’re both fit and smart and would make a great alliance... if only they can stop their feelings from getting in the way.

19) If I Stay | Mature | 37226 words

Harry and Louis agree to a temporary arrangement that Harry can't seem to walk away from no matter how many times he tries.

20) The Space Between | Explicit | 39917 words

Harry Styles is the alpha rockstar who can’t sleep and doesn’t know why.

Louis Tomlinson is the omega PhD student who helps him figure it out.

21) Strangers In Love | Explicit | 42207 words

Louis wakes up to find himself in a marriage with the last man he thought he'd ever end up with.

22) Tangled Up In You | Explicit | 45152 words

Harry blinks once. And blinks again. And says, his voice dangerous: “Niall, did you get me a mail-order bride?”

Because what the actual fuck. It kind of looks like Niall’s just purchased a person. For Harry.

Niall blinks back at him for a few moments, before throwing his head back and howling with laughter. Harry throws a pillow at him. Hard. “No, what the fuck, Harry.”

“A prostitute then?” Harry also doesn't want a prostitute.

“Of course not!”

“A stripper?”

“No!”

Damn, he’s running out of ideas. He settles for launching another pillow at Niall’s head. Niall bats it away easily, still laughing. “Stop!”

“What did you get me, then?!” Niall must hear the tinge of hysteria in his voice, because he’s pulling himself together, trying to stop himself from laughing.

There’s still a big grin on his face, though, when he says, “I got you a professional cuddler.”

A professional…what. “What?”

23) No Going Back | Explicit | 56102 words

Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right?

This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk.

24) Waiting For The Tides To Meet | Explicit | 59873 words

Soulmate AU. Everyone is born with heterochromia — one eye is their own eye colour, while the other is the colour of their soulmate's. It's only when they meet their soulmate for the first time that their own eyes match properly. After a hazy night at a frat party, Louis wakes up to blue eyes and the shocking realization that he had met his soulmate, without any sober recollection. Seven years pass where Louis comes to terms with the fact that he'll never know who his soulmate is. Then one fated summer, a beautiful green-eyed photographer arrives at Louis' workplace, with promises of endless laughter and a familiar feeling in Louis' heart.

25) Swallow The Knife | Explicit | 76158 words

“You came,” Louis says, still breathless, clinging to Harry, uncaring that his sweat is getting all over Harry’s presumably clean dad shirt, or that he’s making Harry hold up all of his weight.

“Of course I came,” Harry says. He shifts, one arm curled underneath Louis’ arse, the other spreading wide in the middle of Louis’ back. “If I ignored you every time you pissed me off we would have stopped being friends a long time ago.”

Louis already knows that, of course. It doesn’t do anything to stop the pleased squirm in his belly every time Harry proves it, though. They fight like nobody’s business, both of them too stubborn to pull their punches when they’re arguing, and it used to get them in trouble, but they always make up.

Adrenaline makes Louis loose-lipped, and they both know it. He tightens his arms around Harry’s neck, buries his face in his hair. “I missed you,” he confesses, quiet. “Doesn’t feel the same up there by myself.”

26) Waiting On You | Explicit | 76584 words

“Vampires,” Louis says with disgust, glaring over at the vampire who is noisily slurping from the woman’s neck nearby.

Zayn gives the neat fang marks on Louis’ neck a meaningful look.

“Can’t live with them, can’t live without them,” Louis finishes, ignoring Zayn when he rolls his eyes.

Louis takes a long sip of his milkshake, presses his fingers against the marks on his neck, and definitely doesn’t think about the vampire who left them there.

27) Perfect Storm | Explicit | 80230 words

What do you do when your best friend asks you and your (now) ex to be the best men at his destination wedding? You can either tell him the truth, tell him you’re not together anymore, and deal with the consequences, or you can pretend you’re still together and roll with it, just pray you don’t spiral. Fake it ‘til you make it. You know, for the sake of the wedding.

Harry and Louis choose the latter.

28) Nothing Worsens, Nothing Grows | Mature | 102528 words

Another roadtrip AU featuring Harry as the misunderstood hipster, Louis as the bitter psych major, Liam as the one with the secret boyfriend, and Niall as the one who just wants everyone to be happy.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

[swiftgronmasterpost]

Late Stage Swiftgron Part 1

Update from November 2021 - I really don’t believe much of this is meaningful at all.  I don’t think they’re sitting around referencing one another on social media or anything but some of Dianna’s interactions with Karlie are interesting Dianna shows up explicitly in Taylor’s life a couple more times so I’m leaving these sections here.;

From here on out everything but the 2014 AMAs and Dianna’s somewhat shocking appearance at Taylor’s 2019 SNL performance are just odd social media shenanigans (or subtweets) between the two, and Taylor appearing to release at least one more song about Dianna (Babe in 2018) (and let’s be honest you can make a strong argument for The 1 being about Dianna as well other post 1989 songs.)

Some of this might be complete crack or coincidence but as you all know I want this to be the most thorough Swiftgron document possible.  

If anything it proves they both certainly still have similar interests and they really do seem to be in touch.

There are some interactions claimed by others to be Swiftgron related that I’m not going to include because they’re just a bit too reachy for me (though I completely support the theorizing!) but in general, if I personally can see the hint of a Swiftgron connection, I’m going to include it here. Draw your own conclusions and take everything, particularly the alleged subtweets/social media shenanigans, with a grain of salt.

And yes there’s tons of Kaylor and other Gaylor/Gaygron content that will be left out of this segment because this masterpost is focused on Swiftgron.  Someday it would be cool to make a giant masterpost/timeline that documents all of it, but for now it’s just going to be Swiftgron stuff. August 26, 2014 - Dianna tweets, and then deletes “Withdrawals, clearly…we had fun.” 

There’s no screen shot of this tweet but some retweets/responses of it remain:

If Dianna is indeed referencing the song Clean (in which their relationship is compared to an addiction hence, “withdrawals” from it) then Taylor would have had to give her advanced knowledge of the song since 1989 did not come out until October 2014.

Taylor did claim she ran 1989 by the muse that inspired it and they were both in LA in late August 2014. Maybe this is when.

November 1, 2014 - Taylor posts about Clean

November 19, 2014 - The 2014 AMAs Kaylorgron Explosion Extravaganza:

Taylor, Karlie, and Dianna are at the event.  Taylor and Karlie are clearly on a date and Dianna is there to present Sam Smith’s performance of I’m not the only one.  Dianna seems a bit out of her element/gloomy when interviewed on the red carpet and Taylor flexes Karlie hard, dancing with her throughout the night and even sitting on her lap during an interview.

Click here for photos, video, gifs, and a live L chat reaction to the night.

December 28, 2014 - The writer for the tv show The Originals, Carina Mackenzie, tweeted that 1989 was about Dianna:

It’s of course notable that someone in the industry is “confirming” Swiftgron on main (particularly before gaylor went mainstream with Kaylor being so obvious in 2015/2016) however what’s even more interesting and notable about this tweet is that an actor named Michael Trevino was on the show The Originals and he dated Jenna Ushkowitz from 2011-2014.

Not only that but Michael was at Dianna’s 26th birthday when Taylor was in attendance as well.

It’s possible that Michael witnessed Swiftgron in real life and spilled a bit to the writer of the TV show he was on.

January 5, 2015 - Taylor likes a Swiftgron related post on Tumblr of Dianna saying she’d go on the road with Taylor and carry her bags at the Giffoni Film Festival in 2012:

February 9, 2015 - Style is released as a single

February 13, 2015 - The Kaylor “Best Friends” on a road trip Vogue Spread comes out.  You’re probably familiar with it but if you aren’t google it.  It’s incredibly romantic and pda filled.

The Style music video is released on this day as well.

We don’t have to go through the whole video but one egg I just have to note is the cave pictured in the MV is in Morocco the same country Dianna seemed to flee to after Swiftgron was outed:

February 14, 2015 - Dianna tweets 143 remember those days (for some reason it has not been deleted) seemingly in response to the Kaylor vogue shoot:

143 is a code that means “I love you” that originated from Mister Rogers.  Both Taylor and Dianna have publicly shown that they are fans of his.  Taylor has even made certain songs 3 minutes and 41 seconds long seemingly referring to this number and wore a Mister Rogers pin on a jacket for a photoshoot once.

Here’s a bit more in depth analysis on the significance of the 143 post.

This tweet is how we know that it is 100% in Dianna’s character to occasionally subtweet Taylor and why a lot of this social media analysis has been done.  

February 16, 2015 - Just two days later Dianna attends a fashion show in which Karlie walks and is noted to “have kept a smirk on her face” during.  Dianna doesn’t clap at the end of the show and looks miserable in photos of the event:

February 17, 2015 - Taylor releases Wonderland

I’m going to pause here and discuss the song Wonderland for a brief moment because it is some of the most incredibly airtight evidence for Swiftgron available.

Dianna’s favorite book of all time is Alice in Wonderland.  She brought it up in interviews all the time, tweeted about it, auctioned off a signed copy of it for charity, her private Tumblr and instagram account are called whosirmesir which is a reference to it, her private Tumblr is filled with reblogs about Alice, and her public Tumblr was called fell down the rabbit hole.

So the fact that Taylor writes an entire song describing a relationship through the lens of and packing full of references to Alice in Wonderland is incredibly interesting.

Let’s take a look at some of these lyrics:

Flashing lights and we, took a wrong turn and we Fell down the rabbit hole (literally Dianna’s tumblr name and url)

Didn't you flash your green eyes at me (Dianna is famous for her beautiful almost hypnotic green eyes and yes they are green)

Haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds (queer coded)

Too in love to think straight (queer coded)

But there were strangers watching And whispers turned to talking And talking turned to screams (seems to reference when they were outed) You searched the world for something else (Dianna very publicly went travelling around the world right after April 2013 when they seem to break up)

Taylor literally put Dianna’s Tumblr URL in the song.  Frankly I’m kind of shocked she released this song at all it is so obviously and clearly about Dianna.  Truly a Swiftgron anthem!

Back to the timeline...

March 8, 2015 - Taylor posts Flamingos for her dad’s birthday:

The caption was “Happy Birthday, Dad. Thanks for all the unconditional love, sarcastic comments, and interesting Christmas presents.”

May 1, 2015 - Dianna posts a flamingo for her birthday (post is now deleted):

The caption was “This is 29. Spoiled rotten. Funny enough, at work they were painting the hallways white and the roses (hallway doors) red, then I actually went to Wonderland (@AliceUnderLdn) and came home to a surprise flamingo. Here we go. Another year around the sun…feeling lucky and loved and loved and lucky.”

Taylor also gave Emily, another rumored ex, a flamingo bandana for her birthday.  i also think it’s odd that Dianna mentions Wonderland specifically in the post.

January 15, 2016 - Dianna’s engagement to Winston is announced and Kaylors notice Taylor is liking sad posts on Tumblr including several posts related to Clean:

November 7, 2016 - Lorde’s birthday party where Kaylor is together in public for the last time for 20 months.

January 5, 2017 - Claire (who is still very close with Taylor) comments on one of Dianna’s Instagram posts):

March 2, 2017 - Dianna posts her James Dean inStyle UK photo to Instagram:

This is actually the second time she has posted this as a throwback photo.  She also posted it on February 4, 2016 with simply the caption “TBT” and did not include the “rebel without a clue” bit which is a reference to James Dean (Rebel Without a Cause). She’s never posted the same TBT photo twice before or after this (as of the writing of this post in October 2020).

It I may be permitted to go real far out on a limb here it’s almost as if she wanted people to connect that photo of her in the UK InStyle magazine to James Dean.  James Dean is of course the way Taylor describes her lover in the song Style.  

At any rate it’s very odd that it’s the only photo she’s posted twice whether it’s related to Taylor or not.

April 25, 2017 - Fans notice Dianna is having her script tattoo removed:

This is significant because a part of the tattoo was dedicated to Alice in Wonderland - it said “We’re all mad here” 

Tattoo removal is a years long process:

So it’s possible she started getting it removed around the time that Wonderland came out.

It’s also possible part of the tattoo was dedicated to Lea (the part that said “here I am”) so this whole removal situation is very interesting.

In 2019 she was still getting it removed and commented this at a Cafe Carlyle session:

"i was like i don't know i wanna explain all my tattoos or the one that i'm getting removed on my side...you know you're like...WHATEVER we're stopping we're moving on"

February 13, 2018 - Dianna attends the Carolina Herrera fashion show, so does Karlie. Dianna is introduced to Karlie by Derek Blasberg and very audibly calls Karlie “gorgeoouusss” as they meet. 

Kayda play “Gorgeous” by Taylor Swift.

Click here to keep reading!

[joealwyndaily]

Joe Alwyn (Class of 2009)

source

After leaving City in 2009, Joe Alwyn went on to read English and Drama at University of Bristol before heading to The Royal Central School of Speech & Drama- securing shortly after his big-break as Billy Lynn in Netflix’s film of the same name. From there on, he has had leading roles alongside Nicole Kidman and Olivia Colman in the films ‘Boy Erased’ and ‘The Favourite’- the latter winning Best British Film at the BAFTAs.

Whilst quarantining in the US, Joe was interviewed by Louis and Erik (Junior Sixth), this was first published in The eCitizen in May 2020.

What are your fondest memories from City?

I have a lot of good memories from school. I loved being in the heart of the city, right by the Thames. I had a lot of good teachers, and I was lucky enough to make friends with people that I still speak to now, every day. It was a good time to be there. I loved the sport that it offered and I played football throughout. I loved the Art department and the teachers there. There was a freedom to explore and leave the building and do your own thing. I think I owe the Art department a lot of stolen pens, and maybe a few hours of ducking out of class and lying on the roof of the school in the sun. It was the people though - the teachers, and of course my classmates - that made my time there what it was.

Which teachers are most memorable to you, and why?

There are a few teachers that have stuck with me. Mr Keates, our English teacher… He thought (and taught) outside the box and ‘against’ the syllabus in the best way. It was unconventional and refreshing and I liked it a lot. Mr Biltcliffe (and Joe, in the technical department) ran Drama and I loved that class. Mr Pomeroy in the Art Department was excellent. I only did one year of Spanish, but there was a teacher, Senor Cruz, who used to jump on the tables and make a lot of noise. Mr Dowler, who used to try and make me cut my hair short. (At the end of every school report there would be a message from Mrs Ralph: ‘Ps. Joe: get a haircut’). Mr Chamberlain, who we used to lock out of the classroom to try and delay maths. Mr Cornwall who ran sports. I was a defender, and I was asked to play for the First XI football team a year early, I think. I scored an own goal. It was the only goal I ever scored for City.

Were you involved much in Drama at City?

I actually wasn’t too heavily involved in extra-curricular Drama at school. I took it for GCSE and A-level, and loved that, but I wish I’d taken more advantage of the facilities beyond. There was a great theatre at school. I’m not sure why I didn’t do more. It was something that I knew I enjoyed, but part of me shied away from that side of things… perhaps because I played a lot of sport, and that took up a fair amount of time.

I knew at school that I wanted to do this, but I didn’t know how to go about getting there. As far as I knew nobody else wanted to be an actor, and so there wasn’t really a clear road-map on how achieve it! I largely kept it to myself. I would look up Drama Schools online and think about applying, but almost like a secret. In fact, I ended up going to Bristol University first - which I loved – and it was only after going there that I applied to Drama School and was accepted.

How did you get into acting?

I grew up watching a lot of films and going to the theatre. I always wanted to be a part of that world. My own involvement, or realisation that this was what I wanted to do, was gradual though. There wasn’t really a lightbulb moment, or not one that I remember. I studied it at school…performed a lot at university in what were probably some terrible, terrible productions (but great experiences) …and then went to Drama School. It was getting into Drama School that really made me think that I can do this. It was a really big moment for me.

What was your first major role?

I was very lucky with how things started. It was quite early in my final year of training, and I’d just signed with an agent from my showcase. I was sent a self-tape – an audition – for a film called ‘Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk’. Ang Lee was the director. I’d never really made a self-tape before, but I got some friends to tape me doing a scene during a lunch break. Within a few days they brought me over to New York to meet Ang and the casting director. I then went through about 10 days of testing in New York and Atlanta. I’d never been to America before but had always wanted to go. It was very surreal and it happened very quickly. I’d grown up watching Ang’s films (Life of Pi, The Ice storm, Brokeback Mountain, Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon). They cast me right after that trip, and I only had a few days to pack my things before leaving for military bootcamp. I left school and spent the next few months filming in Atlanta. I played ‘Billy’, a young Texan Soldier, a ‘war hero’, returning home from Iraq for a victory tour in the United States. It was a completely amazing experience, especially to be thrown into as my first job.

What has been favourite acting job so far?

‘Billy Lynn’ has been my favourite job for many reasons, but there are others too that I’ve really enjoyed. I loved being a part of a film called ‘The Favourite’. That was a very special, unique experience.

Yorgos Lanthimos, who you worked with on The Favourite, is known for his extremely odd movies such as The Lobster and Dogtooth. What is it like working with such a unique director?

Yorgos is fantastic, and completely singular. He’s very different from Ang… but they’re both strong auteurs. Yorgos is very unconventional in terms of direction. He doesn’t give a lot away. He doesn’t ‘direct’ you in a way that you expect, whatever that might mean. To be honest I’m not sure how he does it, but it works! He has a real aesthetic and vision though, and creates a really nice environment on set. There was a brilliant cast and team of people on ‘The Favourite’, and it was amazing to be a part of.

You have played extremely complex characters, especially in films like Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk and Boy Erased. How do you work on your character development?

I suppose it depends on the nature of the project. Something like Billy Lynn was very intense – it was a long shoot and I was there for a long time. We went through military bootcamp, had a dialect coach, physically bulked up etc. I was also in a new country for the first time, with a new group of people. It was quite immersive, I suppose. It depends on who you’re playing and the story you’re telling. I watched a lot of documentaries (there’s a great one called ‘Restrepo’), read a lot of books, talked to military advisers, soldiers with PTSD... And of course, a lot of conversations with the director. It really depends though. I think I’m still working it out. It’s something that shifts each time. You make mistakes and you learn something new each time.

Boy Erased I really enjoyed being a part of, but I had less to do there. I knew I was kind of being brought in for one big, important moment in the film… and so a lot of it centred around the psychology of that event, and why this boy behaved the way he did.

Now living in the States, what do you miss most about London?

I live in London! I spend quite a bit of time in America, but London is still my home.

How are you finding quarantine? What impact has it had on the acting industry?

It’s very odd! Trying to stay busy, but also enjoying a slower pace and not worrying too much when things drift (which they do). Reading, watching old films, talking to friends. Zoom meetings. Skype calls. Just today actually, I had a Zoom call with my closest friends from school. I’m not in London at the moment but I’ve loved seeing these videos of everyone clapping for the NHS.

In terms of the industry, everything has sort of shut down. I was supposed to start a job this month in UK but that’s had to push back. I’m not sure when things will start up again, or how this will change things going forward. I think it’s going to be tricky for while…but there’ll be a way through.

Obviously, The eCitizen is the least of your press commitments. How have you found media attention?

It depends a bit on how much you choose to engage with it, and where it’s coming from. Maybe what’s strange is that media attention is an abnormal thing, and the implication of the attention is that something abnormal has happened to you… But actually, whilst I can see that some things have changed in my life, ultimately, I feel the same as I ever did.

It is old Citizen tradition for interviewees to finish with a joke...

What time does Sean Connery go to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

[hlcreators]

AUTHOR REC:  creamcoffeelou / @2ofusmp4 

Be sure to show some love by leaving kudos and comments!

last blues for bloody knuckles (34k)

“Hi, love,” A too-familiar voice greeted him from the other side of the door. He had a cigarette dangling from his lips that he brought between two fingers as his eyes raked over Louis. All Louis could do was stare, wide-eyed at the alpha that he’d left behind so many years ago. “Harry?” His voice felt far away, like it wasn’t him that was speaking. On the other side of the door stood the one man he never thought he’d see again, and maybe the only man he never wanted to see again. A few steps behind him stood Liam and someone else he didn’t recognize, with guns tucked into their front pockets. “I need you to come with me.”

OR

Styles was a name everyone knew. It had evolved into something of a fairy tale, a far away problem that normal people didn’t have to deal with. Louis never thought he’d find himself falling in love with him. When he finds himself pregnant with Harry’s child, he knows he has to leave the life, and Harry, behind. For her sake.

He never expected Harry to show back up on his doorstep five years later.

A mob au.

Adore You (23k)

When they’d first come into this lifestyle, the being in their roles in their day to day lives, Louis had struggled with it. He’d found it hard to distinguish between what Harry was doing because he thought he had to, with Louis as his dominant, and what he wanted to do just because of them being partners.

Being ‘twenty-four-seven’ in the traditional sense wasn’t exactly realistic in their life, no matter how much they tried to make it work. They could do small things within their power dynamic, they could try their best to keep it going, but more or less, it wasn’t a constant thing. Harry called it submission with weekends and bank holidays, and it worked for them.

As different as it was from what he expected, no matter what, in the end, it worked for them – and that was all that mattered.

“Can I… take care of you?” Harry had asked, his eyes looking everywhere but at Louis. Louis had just turned twenty-three, they’d been exploring things, doing new things for years, and Harry still managed to surprise him. “Like… Just do things for you like you take such good care of me.”

OR: A canon-compliant fic where Harry wants nothing more than to take care of Louis.

Running In The Shadows (43k)

Harry had a plan for his life. Work his dream job, raise his family, and settle down one day. He thrived in the ordinary. But when tragedy strikes, he has to see exactly how far hes willing to go to help the person he cares for most. Louis was never a part of that plan.

technicolor (81k)

When the small town of Twin Lakes begins experiencing a string of serial murders, a team of detectives is called in to help. Louis is the head of the team and meets a hard-headed psychic who everyone else seems to believe is the one who will solve the case. Louis isn't so sure.

OR The slow-burn, hate-to-love, crime au where Harry is a psychic, Louis is a detective, and the world is against them.

Still Standing Still (44k)

Louis has long since been following the same schedule, the same program, the same everything. He works hard towards his goals and gives everything to those that mean the most to him. Harry was never a part of the plan, but Louis finds he loves unplanned changes.

Earned It (5.4k)

There’s something so uniquely captivating to being on stage - to being the center of attention. Louis has always craved it, always craved the feeling of being desired by all only to have his own pick at the end of the night. He knows people come to see him specifically - has been told time and time again - and maybe that’s why he’s so in love with what he does. He knows he’s wanted and he loves being able to manipulate the attention of the men and women sitting in the crowd around him. 

Break Me Dow, Build Me Up (16k)

America, as it’s been told, is the world of riches. Men and women alike can come to the land of the free and achieve the American dream, regardless of their background. He wanted nothing more than to create a better life for his sisters, for himself, and perhaps for his future. Harry Styles was never a part of the plan.

[or: Louis moves his family to America to try and find a better life. Harry finds him instead.]

Just A Whisper (11k)

Strange things have happened around the castle since Louis was young. No one has ever been able to explain them and they've long since gone ignored. As the hauntings become more frequent, Louis finally reaches his last straw and calls a professional to help him.

Ready To Run (11k)

After being left at the alter by his boyfriend of five years, Louis goes on a vacation to try and clear his head and fill the empty spaces in his heart. On the way, he meets a new group of life-long friends, and maybe a little more than that.

Just To Feel (4.1k)

Reason #17: Your car's already at their place and you're too lazy to move it.

When he wakes up, his back hurts, his head is pounding, and his mouth is extremely dry. There’s too much light around him and he doesn’t remember falling asleep at all the night before, let alone getting home. But as soon as he opens his eyes, he realizes very quickly that he’s not home.

He’s managed to fall asleep on the floor of Harry Style’s flat.

The Brightest Star Shines Through The Dark (16k)

Harry and Louis build their life together from the beginning - but even losing everything can't tear them apart.

What A Feeling (2.9k)

“You know I don’t kiss and tell.” Louis says with a slightly forced laugh. “Yeah, cause there’s nothin’ to tell!” Liam replies with a grin, getting a cackle from Niall, and making Louis’ face flame. He can feel Harry’s soft chuckle, just because their bodies are touching. “Like you have room to talk, mate.” He bites back, but all three of them are still laughing. He really needs to get laid.

Across The Lines (28k)

With a camera in hand, Louis sets off on the road trip of his life to explore the most famous haunted houses of the UK. Things don't exactly go to plan.

End Game (54k)

Harry styles is the most feared man in London, notorious for always getting everything he wants. All of that changes when Louis comes around and opens his eyes to a new, beautiful side of the world.

Beneath These Sparkling Lights (Forever you’re mine) (5.1k)

"After years of being called a couple teasingly by both our families and friends alike, I know it was nerve wracking for the both of us when it finally actually happened. But for our entire lives we’ve always been HarryandLouis, never apart, whether we called ourselves best friends or best friends and fiancés or now best friends and husbands.” Harry’s smile is so gorgeous that Louis feels a little shake in his knees, “Through everything, the good, the sometimes weird, and the bad, I’m so glad it was you at my side. I know life is ugly sometimes, but you’re the beauty in the fight that is life, for me. My rose to my dagger."

Last Day Alive (42k)

Harry Styles was born to the leader of the Following - the organization that keeps their world peaceful and just. Without the Following, the world would only return to the ways of the Old Times and all of them would come to an untimely end. Or, so he thought, until he meets Louis, the leader of the Rebellion.

Gentle Autumn Rain (57k)

Louis Tomlinson moved to London with a big heart and a big dream. Harry Styles moved to London, fresh out of the police academy, with the hopes of helping as many people as he could in his eyes. When a deranged alpha forces their paths to cross, their ideas of what is meant to be will never be the same.

Down the Field (9k)

Louis, a pro football player of Chelsea, is forced to retire after a severe injury to his foot. After he recovers and is told the news that he'll never play professionally again, he decides to go coach at his old secondary school. Harry, the health teacher, loves to let him know how big of a fan he is.

I Promise (3.5k)

Harry has a promise to keep and a pair of arms to go home to.

[Loosely based on the drowning scene from Dunkirk's trailer. ]

I Chose You (13k)

When he wakes up, the room is much brighter than when he’d fallen asleep. He has to blink the sleep from his eyes and eventually he just tosses an arm over his face to try and ignore the brightness, but then he realizes that the bed has a decent sized dent in it that forms perfectly to his body and he’s comfortable. It’s – weird. He can’t remember leaving the blinds open, and it wouldn’t have made much sense for Zayn to have opened them, either, but he doesn’t think about it. Maybe he just hadn’t realized that he’d had such a nice bed when he’d fallen asleep.

After a moment, he groans and takes his arm away from his eyes and – wait. This is – this is not his hotel room. This is a bedroom.

[Or: Louis wakes up in another life.]

As We Are (48k)

Louis doesn't think much when he's asked to meet up with the alpha of the pack two hours from his own - he figures it's business as usual. But Harry Styles is anything but usual.

Written In The Stars (71k)

It was so different - the complete opposite of everything Louis had ever expected about finally being placed into the real world. Zayn defied every single thing he'd ever been told about vampires, about how he was supposed to be treated. This was nothing like what he'd expected.

[or: Zayn's the third oldest vampire in the world and found himself searching out the company of a human, so he took Louis as his keep. His maker Harry doesn't approve.]

Running (28k)

Louis was never ashamed of who he was - never had been never would be. But he never really was himself.

In The Heat of The Moment (36k)

The first thing that came to Zayn’s mind when he read Liam Payne’s file was that he was certainly, definitely going to die before he was thirty. The word they used in The Office for such a case was reckless; reckless meant that, perhaps, the person wasn’t at fault, but the universe and said person’s energy didn’t happen to match. That made terrible things happen to that person.

Liam Payne was a classic case of recklessness.

[or: A modern times AU where Zayn is a guardian angel and he's been sent down to protect the most reckless human he's ever met.]

[new-endings]

fic idea # 295

i haven’t written my actual fics for so long here’s another fic idea i’ll never get around to writing, largely inspired by a post (that i can’t FIND) about memory-loss fics in GO and the opportunity to make them happy/silly

sappy fic where crowley temporarily loses his memory from an incident (heaven/hell related) and anathema and newt (who were there inevitably involved) take him to aziraphale  

they make it clear to him that crowley thinks he's human and it's probs not a great idea for him to reveal himself as an angel-- but the first thing crowley does when he sees the pretty man (aside from make cow eyes at him) is say "well, well...heaven must be missing an angel--" 

aziraphale: ?!?!? well, i-- (sweats nervously)  

crowley: tell me sweetheart, did it hurt when you fell from heaven? 

aziraphale: -trying his best to keep a straight face and still keeping a coy smile- i'm not sure dear, you ought to tell me 

crowley, turning to newt: does this angel know me? 

newt: ...he's your husband, mr. crowley

crowley: !!!! THERE IS A GOD! 

and yeh. that’s it. that’s the fic. they discuss things of course, but most of it consists of ((crowley: -tearing up with joy- I HAVE A HUSBAND!))-- and dealing with the memory loss 

and of course aziraphale has to deal with crowley asking how they met and stuff-- to which aziraphale has to come up with normal human equivalents. obviously he can’t say they met at the top of the garden of eden after god banished the first humans.

aziraphale would probably be vague instead and say that they met when they were very young, but their families didn't get along well so they often times met in secret. in front of their respective families, they had to keep up the facade of indifference and disdain 

aziraphale says his parents were deeply religious so he had to hide his feelings for crowley for many years and it wasn't until much later that he had the courage to choose him over anyone else--

and that...he's deeply sorry it took him so long 

but crowley tells him that even though he can't remember everything just yet, he knows that he loves and has been in love with aziraphale for a very long time and that he has nothing to be sorry for, especially if he didn't feel ready to face such terrifying feelings and knowing his family's ideals and beliefs

they smooch and funny enough the more they do so, memories start flooding in for crowley--

--but they're all like filthy ones or sweet ones of him and aziraphale either making love or havin a good ol' fashioned rough romp 

so they both work towards regaining crowley's memories instead of just waiting for them to come around 

crowley suggests that maybe if they visited places that were meaningful to him, to them, it would jog his memories 

((he suggests this AFTER he suggested that maybe aziraphale ought to remind him of their wedding night. and esp their honeymoon. via demonstration of course))

this leads them to have a small getaway throughout london, most of england ("holy fuck. im loaded," crowley whispered in awe as he marveled at his beloved Bentley. "YES DEAR, PLEASE WATCH THE ROAD") 

but it only really jogs crowley's latest memories of london/the UK and they're all colored through a lens of someone who might have experienced them a few years, maybe a decade ago, not centuries ago.  

so aziraphale suggests they take a trip to older destinations from their love story throughout the ages

and eventually, a lot sooner than he lets on, crowley does remember everything-- but he loves going through this little journey with his angel (his real-life LITERAL angel) that he just plays oblivious while getting to have this time with his husband.

(keep in mind, aziraphale’s making up all sorts of stories and ‘modern’ iterations about what took place here and what made it so special to them) 

aziraphale's worried-- but not as worried as he really ought to be; still he decides to do his last resort: reveal his true nature to crowley and he does so in the place where they first met--

the garden of eden.

he does just that, revealing himself in all heavenly splendor to crowley, wings and all and aziraphale’s just: ??? so??? anything? 

but crowley's just looking at him, lovestruck as he's always been. "you're as beautiful as the day i met you."

---

later on, crowley does admit that he regained all his memories some time ago 

"it was the oysters in florence that did it. YOU technically asked me out on our first date even if neither of us had the guts to call it that. of course it'd be the thing to get me to remember." 

"really? not the bastille???" 

"angel, all i remember from that were flashes of you in frills and stockings all chained up. a bit hard to concentrate with that imagery" 

happy end im sappy 

[shemakesmusic-uk]

TRACK BY TRACK BREAKDOWN: Waves LP by Kelly McMichael

Kelly McMichael is known for her commanding vocals and stage presence as well as her classic-sounding songwriting and arranging skills. She is able to fiercely conduct musical forces by layering vocal harmonies, producing beats, riffing on guitars and serenading at the piano. Kelly has toured Canada, the UK and the US with various projects, most recently keys and vocals with Sarah Harmer.

Kelly McMichael’s debut full-length album Waves, out today, displays a wide range of rock sounds and marks a transition from her electronic based project RENDERS. It has taken years to find the right circumstances to bring these arrangements to life, and she finally found them by the ocean with the support of engineer, co-producer and drummer Jake Nicoll (The Burning Hell), and multi-instrumentalists Sarah Harris (Property), and Maria Peddle. Kelly is keeping busy with musical explorations and dreaming of rock and roll concerts and she can’t wait to tour again.

We asked Kelly to breakdown Waves track-by-track to give us more insight into what the songs on the LP are about. Read it below.

I Missed Out On Everything

Written a few years ago but it resonates with the last year we've had. It’s about getting older, reminiscing about the past and not feeling satisfied in my current state. I was conflicted about how to be a grown-up and the idea of having to get a "real" job. At the time I was feeling pressure to have a more stable career instead of continuing to pursue the almost impossible goal of being a musician. And I was also feeling bored in a long-term relationship. I hope it's consoling in a fun way... like, “crap there goes a whole year of our lives... let's play some rock and roll about it”.

Out The Window

Two friends convince each other to raise the bar. They realize they deserve better than their jobs and partners, and are saying “fuck it”. So they go treat themselves to a night out on the town / road trip sorta thing... bit of a Thelma and Louise vibe. It’s not about being selfish and destructive. They deserve better and they are standing up for themselves, making a change and maybe being a little bad for once.

Stepping Stone

‘Stepping Stone’ questions how the pursuit of success in the music industry can impact the nature of a relationship. I’m reaching out for understanding while sifting through themes of ambition, loyalty, and jealousy. It was inspired by a working relationship with someone who seemed to move on without ever looking back. I combined other experiences of witnessing people moving through their careers and social connections, wondering what qualifies as good business, or just ‘how things are’, and not pointing any fingers but wishing there was more room for genuine, honest friendships.

She Makes Men

A very good looking man who all the girls had a crush on falls in love with a lesbian. Figures, she’s the one woman he can’t have. It was about a bit of a love triangle I was in in university. I had a crush on him, he had a crush on her and she had a crush on me. I realized he was actually getting some value out of spending time with a woman who wasn’t pining for him, by learning to view other girls as whole people, not just as these flakey giggly crush monsters.

It Will Pass

Gently talking myself through some depression, trying to access the advice-giver, helper, supporting part of my brain to console the depressed part. It’s as though I’m consoling somebody else but it really was written for myself. It has a comforting, optimistic tone to it but it opens up into the heaviness that I was feeling inside myself and you can hear the emotion and struggle at the climax “believe me, I’ll try to believe myself,” then there’s a chaotic jam with the band which resolves into a peaceful spacey feeling at the very end, like the calm after the storm.

Good Friends

I wanted to write a song about friendship because I don’t think there are enough of those. It also addresses a popular notion that one day your love will come save you, but we shouldn’t be relying on love to do that, and we shouldn’t be so ready to give up our lives and friends for love. A strong healthy love will come out of feeling secure and happy with how you have built your life and your relationships. Love as an escape, to me, is not a great idea, and there are so many songs about this.

I Won’t Stop

This was about getting unfair treatment from someone who seemed to have an unreasonable desire to squash me out of a project I was involved with years ago. It’s about being made to feel small and wrong, and realizing I didn’t deserve that, and it was more about him than me. Time to stop questioning what I did wrong, and time to feel sure of myself, and what I was doing. He got kicked off the project, so I did end up winning.

Montreal

I'm reflecting on the free, silly, frolicking of a trip long ago. Channeling the celebration of good memories and good friends. It’s a nice place to be when we can’t do that now. It’s also acknowledging that I am in a new chapter of my life, older and wiser and more responsible. I’m looking back at my youth, not longing for it like I am in ‘I Missed Out On Everything’, but just feeling satisfied and making a toast to one of the best, if not The Best, trips of my life.

Love is On Now

It’s about coming out of a very rough patch and being able to feel love and joy again. It was written before the pandemic but I hope it resonates and helps people, because depression can take away your ability to feel good things. It’s a happy ending that is meant to heal and be a reminder that life is tough, but good feelings will come back around eventually. Confronting those good feelings about a relationship that was actually ending very painfully while I was recording the album, was (and still is) extremely difficult for me. It is hard, but it is beautiful and powerful, and captures the message of the album well by including different chapters of my life and celebrating resilience - good and bad - waves - cycles - balance.

Can’t At All

This song is about struggling with the balance between my music and my relationship. Feeling guilty that music was higher on my list of priorities. I think women aren’t allowed to skip out on emotional labour in their home lives for their art the way men can. But I’m also wondering when it becomes self indulgent to pursue art. Wondering what the cost of being so wrapped up in my music is… when it breaks my heart and causes me agony a lot of the time. I’m comparing myself to another artist / influence who was so consumed by her art that it negatively impacted her relationships. I am questioning where I fit in, and where I would like to be.

Waves is out now.

[kinghoranshit]

Middle of the Night (1D) Ch 1

Word Count: 1,665

I couldn’t fathom why I decided to go along with the boys on their latest tour. When Niall asked if I’d join the North American leg, I should’ve said no. Simple as that. As one of their best friends, and freelance graphic designers, I wasn’t obligated to go. It was easier to hide who I truly was when I wasn’t surrounded by them 24/7, or in the limelight. I could back out still, but then that’d also look suspicious to everyone involved, and that included the fans who viewed the tour from an outside perspective. 

There were some of our kind who managed to have successful “famous” careers and then dip out on a mysterious misfortune with no public eye on them. I never wanted that for myself. I’d been careful about it. Then I met this boy band through my latest work at Modest! Management, and it turned out, they became grossly huge and they wanted me to be their best friend. 

I took a deep breath to try to calm myself down as I packed. I knew that getting all worked up wouldn’t help, especially since I needed to get on the road soon. I had to meet them at the show in Chicago. It was only a four hour drive from where I lived, so my father said he would take me there. From there, the tour bus would be how I traveled with the boys. 

I stuffed various pairs of jeans, pixie pants, blouses, shirts, and cardigans into my duffel. I also chucked my Gucci mules into it; I wore a pair of all white Nikes with black straight jeans, a white tank I cropped myself, and a pistachio green cardigan. It was the end of summer, going to fall in a couple weeks, but with who I was, having the least amount of sun hit my skin was for the better. I grabbed my backpack next to put my laptop into it, along with chargers, airpods, and sketch pad.

I strapped my duffel and computer bag on my shoulder and walked out to the kitchen and living room area. My dad sat at the table, working away on his laptop; he came in last night so we could leave by ten this morning.  

I reached out for an apple from the wooden bowl in the middle of the island and took a bite out of it. Being who I was, I didn’t have taste buds for human food. I’ve never understood when the boys got excited about food. I haven’t had real taste buds for centuries, so I’ve forgotten. It was like those memories were instantly erased after I was turned. 

“Hey Izzie, when was the last time you fed?” my dad asked suddenly.

He wasn’t my actual biological dad. Our kind couldn’t reproduce- well the human way anyways. My biological parents were long dead and I was a Lady on her own deathbed when my father bit me. He did it to save me. I had been a miracle and wedded to a duke, then shunned when I could not bear a child; that was more than right with me. Now I literally lived forever, and it would take nearly so much for me to be on a deathbed again. I hoped that would never happen. As long we kept ourselves underground, there would never be an uprising of hell. 

I thought for a second. “Uhm… A month ago. Why?”

We had to feed every month or so, or our bodies would weaken, our eyes would turn fiery red, our fangs would automatically lengthen, and we could end up lashing out on an innocent person. But when we were fully fed, we stayed strong and could control ourselves a lot easier. 

My father cleared his throat and circled his face. “Your eyes.”

I raised my eyebrows and hurried into the bathroom. I looked in the mirror to see my eyes were dark red, almost to the point of being black. This wasn’t great. Not by a long shot. I did not need this right now. It was the last issue I needed to have. I knew I should’ve made my trip to feed last weekend. 

“Shit,” I muttered under my breath. 

I grabbed a pack of grey contacts out of the cabinet and put in a set. When they weren’t fiery red, they were grey. They used to be a kelly green, I knew that much. When the venom took over my genetics, they matched my dad’s. The only sort of resemblance we had. 

I went back to the kitchen and tossed my contacts into my backpack. I ran a hand through my bleach blonde hair, letting out a deep breath. “I guess I’ll have to go out tonight.”

We could maybe stop somewhere on the way. That would be risky since it would still be daylight and the passerbyers would be high. My dad and I, we didn’t feed on humans; we fed on animals. In the utmost rare cases, and the person was willing, we’d feed on a human. 

“Do you have any contacts for the meantime?”

I rolled my eyes with a nod. “Yes, they’re already in. This isn’t my first, you know that.”

He chuckled. “I can’t help it. You’re still my little girl.”

Yes, his little girl that was over 200 years old. I wasn’t so little anymore time wise. Age wise I was still considered a young adult for life. It wasn’t the worst possible situation to be in. I could hold steady jobs without the question of education, and I could drink legally anywhere in the world. I also had the face where I could pass from the ages of 22-34 without any burning questions. Any age after that was risking it, so I’d have to make my next move and identity change.

I smirked. “Right. Well, we should get on the road. The guys are expecting me around lunch time.”

“Right then, let’s go,” he slipped into a british accent, then cleared his throat. “Sorry, I didn't mean to do that.” 

We were both of british heritage, which I guess gave us another talking point to how we were supposedly related. With having to change our identities every century or so, we had to adapt new accents sometimes. This time we were American. It was something to be more or less proud of.

Thankfully the boys were all from the UK and Ireland, so if I slipped I could blame it on as an impression. Despite forgetting particular senses, I could remember my original accent like it was yesterday. It wouldn’t be hard to fall back if I ever wanted to be the old me in that aspect. 

I knew I should’ve said no to this.  

***

As predicted, there was nowhere safe to stop and feed. It was all wide open plains until the suburbs. I wasn’t feeling antsy or any less of my sane self. Not yet. I hadn’t reached this point in over two centuries, so it was going to be hard to gauge how long it would be. It was only mere days for sure though. 

We did not want to reach that point. 

“Remember to feed tonight or tomorrow. We know how hard the repercussions were last time.” 

I licked my lips, feeling my leg shake at my anticipation of being around the guys 24/7 for two months now. It was going to be… difficult. The gamble was up for sure. And if that wasn’t enough, there were those who hunted us for a living to look out for. If I happened to lash out, it would be all over the news and it would be like lighting up my destination. 

I cleared my throat. “I know dad. And you’ll know if I’ve gone. It won’t go unnoticed this time.”

“That it won’t,” he remarked, reaching over to encase my hand. “It will be okay.”

“Sure.” I nodded. “I better go. I’ll call you every week, as always.” 

He leaned over to give me a peck on the cheek. “Of course, darling. I will speak to you soon.” 

I took one last deep breath before I stepped out of the vehicle, then grabbed my bags and headed inside. It was a fairly large stadium, and I had to hold up my backstage pass in order to get in one of the back doors. I used scents to track down where the guys were; dress rehearsal. 

As Liam went in for a chest voice note, I noticed a delectable vein pop on his neck. I forced myself to look away; I hadn’t said that about a human in centuries. I must need not to. I mustn’t let myself get wrapped in those hellish ways. I… really needed to feed. I had thoughts in my old tongue. 

“Izzie!” Niall cheered, handing his gear off to two different people, and ran down to embrace me in a hug. 

“It me.” I laughed, returning his hug. “Are you guys done for today?” 

“We are, love,” Harry answered with a smile. 

The rest came down the ramps and dogpiled on us. I was surrounded by a bunch of flesh and felt the opposite of thrilled; I was suffocating. Without making it seem like too much of a harsh rush, I squeezed myself out of the middle. Now my brain couldn’t stop the racing thoughts of how I could easily tear their hearts out and have a magnificent feast. 

“How about we go eat?” I suggested. “Pizza?” 

As long as they ate and reeked of that greezy trash, I would be less appealed. It would shut me down for now. 

“That sounds like a grand idea!” Louis agreed and picked up my duffel.

Niall tried to take my hand in his to pull me forward, but I played it off as running ahead of him. “Beat you to the bus!” 

His laugh was boisterous, as all were the rest. “Yeah, right!”

Next: Ch 2

[Masterlist]

[survey--s]

80.

survey by macro

Christmas is coming. Who are you buying gifts for? Well, Christmas is over now but I just got gifts for my clients, Mike and my parents. We don’t do extended family gifts which is lucky as Mike’s family is absolutely huge lol.

When somebody intimidates you, how do you usually act around them?   I try and just avoid being around them, but if I have no choice, I try my best to act as naturally as possible.

Is your favorite singer in a band or does he or she ride solo?   Both - he originally had a band, then formed another band, then turned solo.

Did your parents ever hang your old artwork up on the walls?   No, not really. I never went to a school where they sent loads of artwork home though, I don’t think. Or maybe I did and my parents just chucked it all in the bin anyway, hahah.

How often do you wear chapstick?   Maybe for a few weeks a year in winter.

Do you walk around your house with your shoes on or do you take them off?   We’re a shoes-off household, though I don’t really mind if guests prefer to keep their shoes on. That’s what vacuum cleaners and mops are for. Plus, we have a dog anyway so we can hardly be picky about outside dirt lol.

What is the weirdest obsession you've ever had?   I went through a real phase as a teenager of reading and watching everything possible about serial killers. I think that’s still within the realms of normal though. I still watch stuff like that occasionally but I’m not as fascinated with it all as I used to be - just a few odd cases.

How long can you be in a car before wanting to get out?   A couple of hours else I need to stretch my legs and pee, lol. I couldn’t do a really long road-trip without loads of stops - I get bored and a bit claustrophobic stuck inside a car for hours on end.

Would you rather be in lust or love? Why?   Love, because it’s so worth it.

How many of the seven deadly sins have you fulfilled today? I don’t know, just sloth I guess. I didn’t get out of bed until 10am and I’ve not been anywhere yet. All I’ve done today is get up, eat breakfast, shower and do some housework and I’m going to walk Guy and Pixie soon.

Should guys always kiss the girl on a first date?   People should just do whatever feels right and whatever works for them.

Which band has the corniest music videos? Corniest lyrics?   I don’t really watch music videos anymore. I couldn’t tell you about the lyrics either as I only really listen to bands I like rather than the radio.

What subject is/was hardest for you in school?   Maths and science, but I think that was mostly because I found it painfully boring and so I never really paid any attention to it at all. I also hated my maths teacher in year 9 which really didn’t help the situation.

Have any songs ever inspired you to play an instrument?   No, not really.

Do you ever use Pandora?   I know it’s a music site/station thing but here in the UK Pandora is a jewellery store. I don’t use either, btw.

Are you better with creative writing or writing essays?   Writing essays.

What is the first facial feature you notice on a person?   Their eyes and smile.

When was the last time you were rick rolled?   Hahah, i think actually last year sometime. I love how that’s still a thing.

What is the weirdest animal you've ever seen as a pet?   I mean, there are people who keep all sorts of exotic animals but I don’t get the appeal of keeping animals like alligators or crocodiles. There’s a man near where I grew up that kept like 50 alligators in his house, lol. There was also a man in NYC that kept a tiger in like, a 49th floor flat. That’s insane to me too.

If you had to change one, would you rather change your hair or your eyes?   My hair.

When was the last time you had a 'she-mergency'?   Last week. The Covid booster really fucked up my periods - I bled so heavily for three days, it was grim.

Which sounds creepier: sleeping in the attic or the basement?   Neither of those things sound creepy to me, but I’d prefer to sleep in the attic as at least that way you don’t have people walking above your head.

Do you listen to music while using Bzoink?   I normally have the TV on in the background when I’m doing surveys.

What was your favourite computer game as a kid?   The only one I had as a kid was a PC version of Aladdin, but I was rubbish at it and never got beyond I think level five. When I got a GameBoy I was about 11-12 years old and then I liked Super Mario and Sonic.

Have you ever tried on your mom’s wedding ring?   I’m sure I have at some point.

Would you rather travel to a desert or the North Pole?   The North Pole.

Any shows on TV that you flat out refuse to start watching?   No, but there are plenty of programmes out there that just don’t appeal to me.

Pajamas with feet: yay or nay?   They’re not for me, I get really hot feet in them and find them really claustrophobic and weird.

What is your opinion on fruitcake?   I love it but I have to be in the right mood for it. It tastes good with cheese.

What do you do when somebody tries to make you jealous?   I mean, I don’t know anyone who actually tries to make other people jealous.

Here's a tough one. Would you rather marry your cousin or a dog?   A cousin, because that could mean like, 8-10 times removed and barely related.

Did you know that Albert Einstein was a womanizer? I did. He also married his cousin and I believe she was only 14 years old at the time. 

Who did you last dream about?   I had a really weird dream last night that kind of involved Harry Potter and then Mike? It was weird. I was in Hogwarts and it was being attacked so all the women and children had to go and hide in the dungeons for some reason. Then all of a sudden I was at home and arguing with Mike about something but I couldn’t tell you what it was about.

Do you have trouble remembering important things?   No, my memory is ridiculously good.

Which animal can you imitate the best?   I mean, I don’t know. Probably a cat.

How many people do you think you've met in your life? I mean, thousands I’m sure. 

[fullregalia]

20/20.

This year, in hindsight, was a real write-off. I had grand plans for it, and while I ushered it in in a very low-key manner since I was recovering from the flu, I’d expected things to look up. Well, you know what they say about plans (RIP, my trip to Europe). I got very, very sick in early February, and I’m not entirely sure it wasn’t COVID. Since March, the days have been a carousel of monotony: coffee, run, work, cook, yoga, existential spiral, sleep. My Own Private Year of Rest and Relaxation, if you will. Of course, life has a way of breaking through regardless; I attended protests, completed my thesis, graduated from grad school, took a couple of road trips upstate, and celebrated the accomplishments and birthdays of friends and family from a safe social distance. It was all a bit of a blur, and not ideal circumstances to re-enter the real world, or whatever this COVID-present is. 

Throughout it all, in lieu of happy hours, coffee dates, and panel discussions, I’ve turned even more to culture and cuisine to fill the the negative space on my calendar where my social life once resided. However, since a global pandemic ought not to disrupt every tradition, here’s my year-end round up of what made this terrible one slightly more tolerable. 

TV

After an ascetic fall semester abstaining from TV in 2019 (save for my beloved Succession), I allowed myself to watch more as the year wore on, and especially after graduation. I caught up on some cultural blind spots by finally getting around to The Sopranos, Ramy, Search Party, and Girlfriends. I wasn’t alone in bingeing Sopranos, it absolutely lived up to the hype and then some; this Jersey Girl can’t get enough gabagool-adjacent content, pizzeria culture is my culture!

Speaking of my culture, there was also a disproportionate amount of UK and European shows in my queue. Nothing like being in social isolation and watching the horny Irish teens in Normal People brood. I’m partial to it because I share a surname with the showrunner, so I have to embrace blind loyalty even though there was, in my opinion, a Marianne problem in the casting. Speaking of charming Irish characters with limited emotional vocabularies, I belatedly discovered This Way Up a 2019 show from Aisling Bea and Sharon Horgan. And while Connell and Marianne are actually exceptional students, I found the real normal people on GBBO to bring me a bit more joy. Baking was abundantly therapeutic for me this year, and watching charming people drink loads of tea and fret over soggy bottoms was a comfort. I also discovered the Great Pottery Throw Down, and as a lifelong ceramics enthusiast, I cannot recommend it highly enough if you care about things like slips, coils, and glazing techniques. GPTD embraces wabi sabi in a way that GBBO eschews flaws in favor of perfection, and in a time of uncertainty, the former reminded me why I miss getting my hands in the mud as a coping mechanism (hence all the baking). Speaking of coping mechanisms, like everybody else with two eyes and an HBO password, I loved Michaela Cole’s I May Destroy You; though we’ve all had enough distress this year for a lifetime, watching Cole’s Arabella process her assault and search for meaning, justice, and closure was a compelling portrait of grief and purpose in the aftermath of trauma. Arabella’s creative and patient friends Kwame and Terry steal the show throughout, as they deal with their own setbacks and emotional turmoil. Where I May Destroy You provides catharsis, Ted Lasso presents British eccentricity in all its stereotypical glory. At first I was skeptical of the show’s hype on Twitter, but once I gave in it charmed me, if only for Roy Kent’s emotional trajectory and extolling the restorative powers of shortbread. For a more accurate depiction of life in London, Steve McQueen’s series Small Axe provides a visually lush and politically clear-eyed depiction of the lives of British West Indians in the 60s, 70s, and 80s. Lastly, how could I get through a recap of my year in tv if I don’t mention The Crown. Normal People may have needed an intimacy coordinator, but the number of Barbours at Balmoral was the real phonographic content for me.

Turning my attention across the Channel, after the trainwreck that was Emily in Paris, I started watching a proper French show, Call My Agent! It’s truly delightful, and unlike the binge-worthy format of "ambient shows” I have been really relishing taking an hour each week to watch CMA, subtitles, cigarettes, and all.

Honorable mention: The Last Dance for its in-depth look at many notable former Chicago residents; High Fidelity for reminding me of the years in college when my brother and I would drive around listening to Beta Band; and Big Mouth.

Music

My Spotify wrapped this year was a bit odd. I don‘t think “Chromatica II into 911″ is technically a song, so it revealed other things about my listening habits this year, which turned out to remain very much stuck in the last, sonically. I listened to a lot more podcasts than new music this year, but there were some records that found their way into heavy rotation. While I listened to a lot of classics both old and new to write my thesis (Paul Simon, Leonard Cohen, Prokofiev, and Bach) the soundtrack to my coursework, runs, walks, and editing was more contemporary. Standouts include: 

Saint Cloud by Waxahatchee, which makes me feel like I’m breathing fresh air even when I’m stuck inside all day 

La Bella Vita by Niia, which was there for me when I walked past my ex on 7th avenue (twice!) and he pretended that I didn’t exist 

Fetch the Bolt Cutters by THEE Fiona Apple, because Fiona, our social distancing queen, has always been my Talmud, her songs shimmering, evolving, and living with me every year 

Shore by Fleet Foxes, for the long drive to the Catskills 

Women in Music, Pt. III by HAIM, because these days, these days...

Musicians have been reckoning with tumult this year as much as the rest of us, and the industry has dealt with loss on all fronts. I’d be remiss not to talk about how the passing of John Prine brought his music into my life, and McCoy Tyner, who has been a companion through good and bad over the years. 

Honorable mention to: græ by Moses Sumney; The Main Thing by Real Estate; on the tender spot of every calloused moment by Ambrose Akinmusire; Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers; folklore by you know who; and songs by Adrianne Lenker. 

Reading

What would this overlong blob be without a list of the best things I read this year? While I left publishing temporarily, books, the news, and newsletters still took up a majority of my attention (duh and/or doomscrolling by any other name). I can’t be comprehensive, and frankly, there are already great roundups of the best longform this year out there, so this is mostly books and praising random writers. 

Last year I wrote about peak newsletter. Apparently, my prediction was a bit premature as this year saw an even bigger Substack Boom. But two new newsletters in particular have delighted me: Aminatou Sow’s Crème de la Crème and Hunter Harris’ Hung Up (her ”this one line” series is true force of chaotic good on Blue Ivy’s internet). Relatedly, Sow and Ann Friedman’s Big Friendship was gifted to me by a dear friend and another bff and I are going to read it in tandem next week. 

On the “Barack Obama published a 700+ page memoir, crippling the printing industry’s supply chains” front, grad school severely hamstrung my ability to read for pleasure, but I managed to get through almost 30 books this year, some old (Master and Margarita), most new-ish (Say Nothing, Nickel Boys). Four 2020 books in particular enthralled me:

Uncanny Valley: Anna Wiener’s memoir has been buzzed about since n+1 published her essay of the same name in 2016. Her ability to see, clear-eyed, the industry for both its foibles and allure captured that era when the excess and solipsism of the Valley seemed more of a cultural quirk than the harbinger of societal schism.  

Transcendent Kingdom: Yaa Gyasi’s novel about faith, family, loss, and--naturally--grad school was deeply empathetic, relatable, and moving. I think this was my favorite book of the year. Following the life of a Ghanaian family that settles in Alabama, it captured the kind of emotional ennui that comes from having one foot in the belief of childhood and one foot in the bewilderment that comes from losing faith in the aftermath of tragedy.  

Vanishing Half: Similarly to Transcendent Kingdom, Brit Bennett’s novel about siblings who are separated; it’s also about the ways that colorism can be internalized and the ways chosen family can (and cannot) replace your real kin. It was a compassionate story that captured the pain of abuse and abandonment in two pages in a way that Hanya Yanagihara couldn’t do in 720.

Dessert Person: Ok, so this is a cookbook, but it’s a good read, and the recipes are approachable and delicious. After all the BA Test Kitchen chaos this summer, it’s nice we didn’t have to cancel Claire. Make the thrice baked rye cookies!!!! You will thank me later.

Honorable mention goes to: Leave The World Behind for hitting the Severance/Station Eleven dystopian apocalypse novel sweet spot; Exciting Times for reminding me why I liked Sally Rooney; and Summer by Ali Smith, which wasn’t the strongest of the seasonal quartet, but was a series I enjoyed for two years.  

Podcasts

I’m saving my most enthusiastic section for last: ever since 2018, I’ve been listening to an embarrassing amount of podcasts. Moving into a studio apartment will do that to you, as will grad school, add a pandemic to that equation and there’s a lot of time to fill with what has sort of become white noise to me (or, in one case, nice white parents noise). In addition to the shows that I’ve written about before (Still Processing, Popcast, Who? Weekly, and Why is This Happening?), these are the shows I started listening to this year that fueled my parasocial fire:

You’re Wrong About: If you like history, hate patriarchy, and are a millennial, you’ll love Sarah Marshall and Michael Hobbes’ deep dives into the most notable stories of the past few decades (think Enron and Princess Diana) and also some other cultural flashpoints that briefly but memorably shaped the national discourse (think Terri Schiavo, Elian González, and the Duke Lacrosse rape case).

Home Cooking: This mini series started (and ended) during the pandemic. As someone who stress baked her way through the past nine months, Samin Nosrat and Hrishikesh Hirway’s show is filled with warmth, banter, and useful advice. Home Cooking has been a reassuring companion in the kitchen, and even though it will be a time capsule once we’re all vaccinated and close talking again, it’s still worth a listen for tips and inspiration while we’re hunkered down for the time being. 

How Long Gone: I don’t really know how to explain this other than saying that media twitter broke my brain and enjoying Chris Black and Jason Stewart’s ridiculous banter is the price I pay for it.

Blank Check: Blank Check is like the GBBO of podcasts--Griffin Newman and David Sims’ enthusiasm for and encyclopedic knowledge of film, combined with their hilarious guests and inevitable cultural tangents is always a welcome distraction. Exploring a different film from a director’s oeuvre each week over the course of months, the podcast delves into careers and creative decisions with the passion of completists who want to honor the filmmaking process even when the finished products end up falling short. The Nancy Meyers and Norah Ephron series were favorites because I’d seen most of the movies, but I also have been enjoying the Robert Zemeckis episodes they’re doing right now. The possibility of Soderbergh comes up often (The Big Picture just did a nice episode about/with him), and I’d love to hear them talk about his movies or Spike Lee (or, obviously, Martin Scorsese).      

Odds & Ends

If you’re still reading this, you’re a real one, so let’s get into the fun stuff. This was a horrible way to start a new decade, but at least we ended our long national nightmare. We got an excellent dumb twitter meme. I obviously made banana bread, got into home made nut butters, and baked an obscene amount of granola as I try to manifest a future where I own a Subaru Outback. Amanda Mull answered every question I had about Why [Insert Quarantine Trend] Happens. My brother started an organization that is working to eliminate food insecurity in LA. Discovering the Down Dog app allowed me to stay moderately sane, despite busting both of my knees in separate stupid falls on the criminally messed up sidewalks and streets of Philadelphia. I can’t stop burning these candles. Jim Carrey confused us all. We have a Jewish Second Gentleman! Grub Street Diets continued to spark joy. Dolly Parton remains America’s Sweetheart (and possible vaccine savior). And, last, but certainly not least: no one still knows how to pronounce X Æ A-12 Boucher-Musk.

[battlestar-royco]

For the ask game, six of crows, red white & royal blue, and dante quintana? Thanks!

Six of Crows: who, real or fictional, would be in your team if you had to plan a heist?

Depends on what we’re heisting. Money, a painting, a person, an artifact? Kaz, obviously, to plan everything. Furiosa, the getaway driver. Andy from the Old Guard because I want more than one Charlize Theron on my team and she’ll protect us all. Grace from Ready or Not because she’s super resourceful and can get out of horrible situations no prob. For the life of me I can’t think of any hacker or lockpick characters, but one of those each so we can get in and out without raising the alarm or getting caught on camera.

RWRB: three places you want to visit?

Oh nooo, only 3? I’m not a big astrology person but the one big Sag stereotype that is actually true about me is that I love traveling. This is kind of cheating but I don’t care: 1, a road trip through a bunch of different cities in the US (ie Chicago, Seattle, San Francisco). 2, I’d love to go back to the UK (where I studied abroad) and bounce around the cities and countryside over there. 3,

Dante Quintana: do you have any hobbies? are there any you want to try?

Yes!!! Aside from reading and writing, I love studio art and languages. I also keep thinking of doing more film classes eventually.

Thanks for asking!