#i worried at the beginning that because they change forms. people might get confused and think it was like. literally dual personalities

[damnation-if]

suchebh ?? 🥺🥺🥺

here you go!<3

Hostile

We will see you. For now.

Speak, if you must.

(groaning) Ugh, not you...

Bids farewell by saying "go! We have more important things to do... like nothing!"

Neutral

Speak, mortal.

What would you ask of Us?

Look upon Us at your leisure. We understand.

Bids farewell by saying "yes, yes. Until next time."

Warm

We are pleased to see you... that surprises Us.

Sit, please. You wouldn't believe how bored We are.

Where have you been? You weren't having fun without Us, were you?

Aha! At last. We have gossip to share with you!

We knew you would be back.

(sighing) Entertain Us, my dear mortal...

Bids farewell by saying "go, then, if you must. Though I can't think what you'd rather be doing."

Romanced

(melodramatically) Our heart is whole again! (quieter) You were away too long...

Welcome back, mortal. We... ugh. Missed you.

A sight befitting Our sacred eyes...

(slightly surprised) You return. We... are pleased.

Bids farewell by saying "hmph. Well We will be here. If you even care," or "you know what human poets say about absence."

[girl-failure]

Transwoman needs answers

this isnt an easy post to write and it's going to be full of info about me that's personal and embarassing but I am desperate for answers and assitance so please bear with me. Long story short, im almost 3 years hrt (may 19th will be exact) and it's like nothing has changed. More info under the cut.

I'm going to try and explain everything to the best of my memory, but exact dosages and stuff might be fuzzy and inexact. I began HRT on May 19th 2021, when I was 22. I took one and a half 2mg pills, twice (morning and night) daily. I took them sublingually. I was also prescribed Spironolactone, though the exact dose escapes me (i remember it was 1 pill nightly). I had only come out as trans in the December the previous year, so i considered myself unfathomably lucky to get to start so soon. I had done this through informed consent at a planned parenthood and was excited by the possibility of a future where my own body didn't make me want to die. The idea of changing my body gave me a feeling of control in my life that had been entirely absent until that point. I knew I wanted all the help I could get with breast development (the women in my immediate family are well endowed) and I had read & heard from other trans women that prog could help, but I'd have to wait to ask for it.

I think it was on December 15, 2021, I was officially prescribed 100 progesterone nightly. At this point I had began to notice softer skin, lighter hair, the few bits of acne left over from high school had gone entirely, and the inklings of breasts beginning to form. My libido had all but dissipated entirely at that point, but I was told (mostly by other trans women) it would come back, especially after starting prog, and that my body would likely experience pleasure differently, and that my orgasm would be very different. The fat from my stomach (i wasn't overweight or underweight, i was pretty average for a man my height, but I did have a masculine stomach I despised) hadn't relocated at all, but I knew HRT wasn't a sprint, but a marathon, and I had a long way to go. This continued for a long time, eventually i would be bumped up to two 2mg of E (sublingual pill) twice daily (8mg total), and my Spiro would change to 200mg a day EDIT: My Spiro dosages did fluctuate, though again I don't recall the exact dosages, (I initially got it confused with my prog dosage, sorry), though there was the occasional few week period where I'd be bumped back down to one and a half E pills because I had timed my blood-work poorly. It had been a while since starting HRT and I was starting to worry. My libido never came back, I was unable to feel the sensation of pleasure entirely, my breasts & nipples never became sensitive or had growth pains, and my breasts really hadn't grown at all. My stomach still made me feel awful and masculine because fat continued to pile up there instead of in the feminine places I was told and led to believe it should!!! I was scared and frightened and upset. I'd say I developed an eating disorder but my eating was already disordered. I was afraid of food. Afraid it'd just make me look manly, instead of going to my hips/waist/whatever and breasts like it was supposed to. I began to feel like the hrt that was supposed to save my life was just making me feel worse.

On October 23rd, 2023, I finally started seeing a doctor again after 9 years of not being able to afford it, and only then because a parent got insurance through their work. I was officially prescribed Estradiol Valerate (.3mL intramuscular, and the bottle itself is 20mg/mL) , and quit Spiro outright. Now that I was talking to a doc, especially one who had been working with trans people in my area for years, I was starting to have hope again that maybe injections would solve my problems. After all, they're supposed to be more powerful right? Well after some blood-work revealing that my T levels were so low they were undetectable, we started fiddling with my injection dosages. I went down to .25mL. Nothing changed. I went down to .2ml. Nothing changed. I stayed at .2mL and was prescribed a med called EstraTest (.625mg E and 1.25mg T), a single pill which has both E and T in it, to try and raise my T levels back to measurable levels and hopefully find that golden ratio of E and T where maybe my body will start working again and start changing. But that brings us today. I still don't feel any sensation of pleasure (masturbating is pointless, intimacy just feels like I'm disappointing my partner), let alone a female orgasm (which as embarrassing as it is to admit, I was really looking forward to), my nipples still don't get sensitive and my chest doesn't get sore or get growing pains. My breasts look the same way they did 4 months into hrt. I've still had practically no fat redistribution, though I've gotten better about eating and not being afraid of food. I'm even beginning to notice my acne slowing starting to come back. I feel like I'm losing my mind. Why has nothing worked? Why does it feel like I'm regressing? I lost my health insurance earlier this week, and I can't afford to see my doctor again with my dumb pizza delivery job, so I haven't been able to ask to try anything more drastic to try and fix these issues. My current theories are that maybe my body is just more resistant to E? Which would be awful, but might be handled by just tripling my dose or something? Or

that my receptors are fried, and that the only solution would be to stop taking my HRT for a while (maybe even a long while). I pray that isn't the case, because I'd sooner off myself then let my body regress any further.

So this is a call for help. If anyone has any idea what could be causing these problems for me, or knows how I might be able to fix them, PLEASE let me know. I've lost hope in having a future as a woman, or even just feeling apathy towards my body (instead of intense self-loathing) at this point.

Here's my ca$happ if anyone wants to throw some money my way and maybe I'll be able to see the doctor again. cash.app/$occultChloe

[thebennettdiaries]

the oak king (iv)

(directly follows this drabble)

They don't get far.

Bonnie's decision to leave the coziness of her rented room had been born of adrenaline (and fear). She has had time to think as they walk down the quiet streets of the city. Klaus is a step behind her and she can practically feel him breathing down her back.

Yet, she doesn't worry that he will attack.

A strange part of her wonders if Klaus feels indebted to her now. After all, she is the reason he is alive (no matter whether she actually wanted that or not). Her magic pulled him from the darkness --- he better not try to sink his fangs in her neck.

Finally, Bonnie comes to an abrupt stop. The air is chilly, seeping into her bones and reminding her that she has been robbed of the hot bath she craved all day. Klaus practically barrels into her. "I need to think."

"Isn't that what you've been doing this entire time?" Klaus drawls, stepping back to avoid further contact. "Or are you normally this mute?"

She gives him a withering glare. Then she looks across the street. A tiny coffee shop still open despite it being Christmas Eve. She makes a beeline for it and within a few minutes, they are seated with a mug of caffeine in front of her. Klaus has declined anything, which Bonnie can't figure out if that is a good thing or not. After all, he might decide he is in the mood for the vein in the barista's arm. She doesn't know how long he has been alive --- and just how much blood he has consumed since he came back.

She digs into her bag, pulling a tattered book from its depths. She hesitates for a moment, her eyes moving to Klaus. Then with a sigh, she sets it on the table. She begins to flip through the pages, skimming the information she finds there. Opposite her, Klaus does the same, although he has a harder time deciphering the words --- for one thing they are upside down. And another...

"Your penmanship is atrocious," Klaus comments, wrinkling his nose.

"I forgot how much you just comment on things that are no concern of yours," Bonnie mutters, looking up from her work. Already a list is forming in her head. "This is going to help me...us."

Klaus raises an eyebrow.

Bonnie's lips press together and she figures that she has to tell him. After all, he is going to be helping her in the long run. "I am a freelancer," she begins. When she sees his curiosity continue to rise, she continues. "I help people who need magic. Spells. I travel to them, do what I can for them and they pay me."

Klaus waits a beat and then clucks his tongue. "Not the direction I saw you going in, love. I would have thought such a thing would have been against those tightly wound morals of yours."

It is a direct blow because it is true. The Bonnie he knew would never. She takes a breath, and then sits up a little taller, trying to maintain the high ground. "A lot has changed since you died," she tells him quietly. "I have changed. I am not going to defend my actions to you of all people."

"I never asked you to," Klaus retorts. "You have a gift --- one of the strongest ones I have ever laid eyes on. It is only fair that you share it."

(with the likes of people like him; he doesn't say it but she knows he is thinking it)

Bonnie looks down to her notes, going over the spells she has performed as of late. There is nothing in them that would pull someone like Klaus back from the Other Side. Frustration begins to trickle in. "The kind of magic I have used as of late wouldn't result in..." She throws a gesture at him and he sits back in his chair. "I've healed mostly. Found things that were lost. Bringing someone back from the dead, especially someone like you..." Is it just her or does Klaus look proud of that distinction? "...is a very specialized magic. I haven't..."

"Here is where I can help," Klaus interrupts. She can't even be mad at him for doing so because she hates that she is confused. "What if one of those lovely spells you preformed was done so as a cover for my resurrection? What if you were..."

"Manipulated?" Bonnie finishes, the word heavy in her mouth. She feels a sickness building in her stomach.

"Well, if you wish to label it that, yes," Klaus tells her.

Bonnie's eyes trace over her scribbled handwriting with a newfound suspicion. "Then it could be anyone of these that did it," she concludes, not happy with the thought.

"So why are we wasting our time here?" Klaus asks, clapping his hands together. He stands. "We have suspects to question."

Bonnie waits a beat and then nods her head. She feels shellshocked (for at least the third time this evening) as she shoves the book back into her bag. Someone hijacked her spell? She feels foolish. She should have protected herself from this.

And now it is too late and he is the consequence.

"We have to get out of the city," she tells him. It is Christmas Eve. The chances of them getting a reliable mode of transportation this late seems impossible. "Think you can compel us a car?" She hates the idea but it is trumped by the uneasiness that comes with knowing she may have been taken advantage of.

Klaus gives her a look. Then he grins.

"Sure --- but I'll need a bite to eat first."

[kristinamae093]

Ghosted

Ghosted - Two Steps Back (Chapter Ten)

Series Summary - Prince Liam fell for Riley Brooks hard and fast. A marriage filled with love and devotion was within his reach. But everything changed when she vanished just before the end of the social season. As everyone voices their concerns regarding her scandalous departure, a confession from an unlikely source turns Liam's world upside down and makes him question everything around him.

Book/Pairing - TRR - Liam x MC (Riley Brooks)

A/N 1 - This AU starts right before the beginning of the engagement tour. There is a two-month lapse between the coronation and where we pick up, but we will stray from canon. Please excuse any errors found.

Characters belong to Pixelberry.

After the Regatta

Penelope hobbled to her room on a sore foot and a painfully bruised ego. This wasn’t going as expected; advisors told her toward the beginning of the season she might stand a chance, but after only the first few events, they hastily changed their tone. Between Madeleine, Riley, and Olivia, they knew Penelope would not be the new king’s choice.  

Regardless, Penelope was enjoying her time away. The friends she’d made were irreplaceable; she and Kiara formed an everlasting bond. Even Riley was incredibly friendly, despite her commoner status. Penelope was rooting for Riley to win it all because she was genuinely a nice person, and Penelope was looking forward to what Cordonia could look like with her as queen. 

Penelope approached her door whilst humming to herself. The day was long, and she was relieved to be in the comfortable solace of her own space. She planned on calling her parents for their daily video chat, and to get some doggy face time to tide her over while away. Her anxiety was through the roof without having them close, but the friendships she’d made were a momentary distraction. She was glad the ladies were nice enough; otherwise, this experience would’ve been a nightmare. 

Penelope entered and made a bee-line for the bathroom. She did her business, washed her hands, and bounced her way over to the dresser to get more comfortable for the evening. Just as she opened the drawer, a stern knock sounded on her door. Penelope scrunched her face; she was expecting no visitors but thought perhaps Kiara wanted to hang out. 

As Penelope opened the structure, a thunderous force shoved through her and entered, slamming the door shut. Penelope stumbled backward but caught her footing. She could only stare at the person in front of her as panic flourished through her body. She didn't recognize them, but the death glare plastered on their face told her that notion was not applied on both ends. Her instinct told her to scream for help, but the visitor addressed her before she was given the chance.

They spoke in a low, raspy voice. “Have a seat, Lady Penelope. We have a lot to discuss.” 

“W–who are you?” 

“You need not worry about who I am, only what I know.” 

“What do you mean?” 

The person clasped their hands behind their back and stalked around Penelope; like a vulture circles its prey. “Everyone around you thinks you're the sweet, poodle-obsessed Penny, but I see otherwise. I know all about you… The things you’ve done… What your daddy tries his damndest to hide…” 

Penelope’s already increasing heart rate spiked. “I don’t understand.” 

“Of course you don’t. It’s alright, I wouldn’t want anyone to know, either.” They dismissively shrugged.

“Know what?” 

The person snickered at her attempts to deflect, but they could see the panic rising in her eyes. “It’s quite a common expression — young and dumb. But, when you’re in the nobility, there are no secrets unless you know the right people.” 

Penelope thickly swallowed. “I don’t – I don’t know what you’re talking about.” 

“Really? So, then you’ve never been — joined in holy matrimony, right?”

Penelope’s eyes widened. “I–” 

“Enough with your attempts to feign confusion; that will only prolong this process and I am not in the mood to play games. I know of your estranged marriage; how your father pays plenty of hush money per month to keep his mouth shut. I imagine it would be fairly difficult to talk yourself out of that situation if the press were to catch wind; considering Portavira continuously requests the Crown’s compensation. And I do believe the monarch would not be happy to learn your family has developed a slush fund, either.” 

The intruder gave Penelope a wicked smile and added, “Not to mention the — fatality that was caught amid your poor life choices…”

Penelope visibly tensed. “That’s not – I didn’t–” she stammered before snapping her mouth closed; her flustered state prohibited her from forming an argument.

“It’s a matter of opinion, I suppose. Regardless, I attained the records from your procedure.” They waved a piece of paper in Penelope’s face, and recognition swept over her instantly. She released a shuddered breath as the document came to a stop, her tearful eyes centering on the text. 

Despite Penelope’s panicked state, the aggressor continued, “Tell me, do your parents know of your aborted fetus? I mean, I saw you on security cameras entering the clinic alone. It was smart of you to use a fake name, but unfortunately, that was not enough to cover up your mistakes.” 

Penelope never answered, but the assailant watched her swallow thickly with shame etched in her features. She couldn’t fathom how this stranger had found her deepest secrets that she was certain would never see the light of day. 

Penelope found out she was pregnant the day after her annulment was discreetly settled. Terrified wasn’t a strong enough word to describe how she felt, as she stared down at the positive test; she went to the clinic in disguise to find out about her options and decided abortion would be the best solution. Being only nineteen years old, Penelope was practically a child herself and didn’t believe she was at a point to care for a baby like they deserved. And she was alone; when she dreamt of this moment, it happened completely differently in her head. She longed for the fairytale love, where they would start a family together; not single and inevitably disgraced.

Her parents didn’t know, she was too afraid to tell them — especially after her father agreed to pay a continuous hefty fee for Guy’s silence. Penelope was always well-behaved; the perfect trophy daughter. The look of pure disappointment held in their eyes when they found out about her marriage haunted her; she never wanted to do anything out of line again. All Penelope desired was to move on from her mistake, but life had other plans.

Panicked and ashamed, Penelope made the impossible decision alone, not wanting anyone to know of the stupid decisions that led her there. Her fear and guilt only increased after the procedure, but she grieved what could have been and pushed it into the deepest pit of her mind.

She never told a soul – nobody knew – or so she thought.

“All it would take is a small whisper to the press and it would destroy not only you, but your fraudulent parents as well…” 

Penelope gasped as her tears freely flowed. “No! P–please, don’t!” 

The person laughed; the sound sending an involuntary chill down Penelope’s spine. They stalked forward until her back hit the wall and they breathed over her. Penelope squeezed her eyes closed, but felt them draw nearer. The tangy scent of alcohol mixed with cigar smoke filled her nostrils, as they whispered in her ear, “If you want my silence, you’re going to have to earn it.” 

Penelope’s eyes shot open as she frantically nodded her head. “Okay, j–just tell me what you need, and I’ll do it.” 

“I knew you’d see reason,” the unknown presence spoke while taking a small step away. They produced an envelope from their jacket and handed it to her. 

Penelope opened it and started skimming over the information; it was an email address with a set of instructions and a few other notes. She didn’t understand what it all meant; the main thing that stuck out was the location of where they wanted the photographer to be. 

“Why are they going to be outside Riley’s room?” 

“The less you know, the better.” They once again reached into their jacket, this time pulling out a small vial and handing it to her. “You need to give this to her beforehand. I do not care how it happens, just make sure it gets in her system; the earlier, the better.” 

“W–what is this? Is this a drug?” Penelope stammered as she stared down at the bottle in her trembling hands. 

The person smiled; a dark, wicked smile. “You don’t need to worry about that; just make sure she ingests it at an early enough hour.”

Tears once again streamed down Penelope’s cheeks as she frantically shook her head and tried to hand the items back. “N–no. I can’t do that, and I won’t. I would rather disgrace myself than–”

“You’re going to do it.”  

Penelope stood a little taller and yelled, “No, I won’t! I–”

Penelope received a sudden, sharp backhand to her cheek. She fell to the floor cradling her face but was soon flipped over onto her back, her aggressor pinning her to the ground. She opened her mouth to scream, but quickly closed it as she saw the gleam of a blade in the light right in front of her face. 

“Make a sound and I’ll kill you right here, right now.” The attacker moved the knife to hover over Penelope’s throat, applying just enough pressure to keep her subdued. “You have two options — you either comply and do as you’re told, or this is where your life will end. If you refuse to cooperate, you already know too much, and I will ensure you don’t live to tell the tale personally. But I won’t stop there, no – I’ll ruin your parents as well; the entire world will know what a fraud you and your family are.” 

“No… P–please. I – I can’t – I –” Penelope frantically stammered, trying to develop a coherent sentence. 

“You can, and you will. Otherwise,” they leaned forward, close enough to touch noses with Penelope. “I’ll dig your grave myself and throw those mangy mutts in with you after. Perhaps we can make it a family affair and shove your parents inside, too. After all, being exposed to the world and losing their only disappointment of a child would leave them with nothing left to live for; especially once they know of your treacherous sins.” They sat back with a vile chortle, letting the words linger.

Penelope cried harder, her breathing rapid and erratic as her panic boiled over. She opened her mouth to shout for help despite the blade at her throat, but a firm hand abruptly pressed against her lips. “I think I’m being very understanding, actually. I could just end you and move on to the next useless suitor, but I’m allowing you to make the correct choice; to answer the call of service for your country. That commoner has no business being here; you know it, I know it, everyone knows it! We have to deal with her!” 

After a tense moment of silence, her intruder grew restless. They rolled their eyes and huffed, “You’re running out of time. I’ll gift you ten seconds; agree, or...” The blade on Penelope’s throat suddenly held more force; hard enough she could feel her skin being lightly pierced. “I don’t think I really need to finish that sentence, do I?”

Penelope subtly nodded her head, afraid to move too much. Although she didn’t want to betray Riley in that way, she saw no other way out. Not only was her own life being threatened, but her parents as well; she was not willing to let them die because of her secrets they knew nothing about.

Her attacker soon chortled and sat up. “I had a feeling you would see it my way.” They patted her cheek, hard, before they stood and adjusted their clothing.

The intruder walked to the door and turned back around to address a whimpering Penelope. “As a reward for your service, I will make you a lady-in-waiting for the soon-to-be queen. I’d suggest you take the position and use discretion whenever necessary from here on out. If you do anything to compromise this operation, you will be sorry. Am I clear?“

The following afternoon, Olivia met with Liam, Leo, and Ray as they discussed the events of the night prior. The court just arrived in Portavira, although there was a break in events until the polo match in a few days. They gathered in Olivia’s room, as that’s where Ray set up his equipment and continuously ensured the area remained free of compromises. 

Olivia told them about Penelope’s involvement, and Liam was certain Olivia was lying or playing some kind of sick joke. However, after seeing the proof himself, he knew it had to be true. He wasn’t close with Penelope by any means, but still felt betrayed. Riley was kind and warm to those around her, not a malicious bone in her body; what made Penelope want to get rid of her?

“We have to question her. I can’t be sure, but she might know we’re onto her. The look in her eyes –” Olivia shook her head with a heavy sigh. ”– I can’t explain it, but I don’t like it.”  

“I agree,” Leo interjected. “We need to know why she did it, man, because this makes absolutely no sense. I mean, Penelope – of all people? Did she accidentally eat some dog food or something, and it made her go kookoo?” 

Despite his overflowing anxiety, Liam laughed. “I really don't know. But we’re not all going to question her. I think it’s best if myself and Leo did this, so we don’t overwhelm her.” He spoke to the entire group. 

“Are you… okay to do that?” Leo tentatively asked. “I can take Olivia — or hell, even Maxwell or Drake, if you don’t think you can keep your cool. We can’t really risk her shutting down and withholding anything important...” 

Liam remained silent for a long moment. Honestly, he didn’t know if he could control himself. The selfish side of him wanted to confront Penelope face-to-face and demand answers. However, he knew he was teetering on a dangerous ledge, and her confession could provoke several different reactions. 

He didn’t remember the last time he’d slept or ate a full meal. Days were molding together, and he had no sense of time unless it pertained to the tour. Liam was simply muttering through, doing the dutiful checklist a monarch should on the daily and trying his hardest to stay afloat; even though in all reality, he felt like he was drowning in a sea of uncertainty. No amount of training could prepare him for something like this; he was simply in limbo until one of the many open ends finally led them to something of importance. As the King he held mighty authority; yet, he’d never felt so powerless. Every second of not knowing something was torture; he just wanted to see Riley with his own two eyes. 

“I… don’t think I can, actually. If you wouldn’t mind questioning her, I would very much appreciate it, Leo.” 

Leo patted Liam on the back with a reassuring smile. “No problem. Care to accompany me, Livvie?” 

“I suppose if we want some kind of answer, I’ll have to, won’t I?” Olivia smirked. 

“Are we doing this now, or?” 

“Yes. The sooner, the better.” 

“And we’re certain she’s here?” Liam asked. 

“She was out earlier with her dogs,” Olivia answered with an eye roll. 

Liam nodded as he rubbed his palms together. “This is a decent plan. I have a good feeling about this, guys.” 

For the first time since he opened his eyes to the truth about the narrative against Riley, Liam felt like this could take them somewhere relevant. This was a solid lead and although he knew it probably wouldn’t provide him with all the answers he was seeking, it was a damn good start. 

Liam spoke again, “Any other updates?” 

“I received the diagnostic report on Lady Riley’s dress on the way here." Ray explained. "The blood was mostly Riley’s, but traces from Tariq were present as well. There were a few hairs and skin cells noted, but the DNA only registers those two.”

“Oh… okay…” Liam quietly responded. He hoped deep down the mess was from someone else, but immediately felt foolish to let himself believe such a thing. Hearing it confirmed out loud made his stomach burn with anxiety; this is what he blinded himself to, this is what he ignored. The overwhelming guilt Liam was fighting momentarily took his breath away. 

“Otherwise, there are no new leads.” Ray briefly met eyes with Olivia, the both of them having a silent conversation; unbeknownst to Liam. It wasn’t technically a lie, but not the entire truth. Ray found something — interesting, but Olivia decided now was not the time to bring it up to Liam, at least until after they learned what exactly Penelope knew. “Where Tariq is concerned, I’ve hit a complete brick wall; there’s absolutely nothing.” 

“Nothing?” 

Ray shook his head. “Not a trace. His accounts show no transactions, and his family has not heard from him in months. I’ve checked every mode of transportation available to leave the country and he wasn’t on any of their databases.” 

“How is that even possible? There has to be something, somewhere. Seriously – Tariq has the IQ of a fucking peanut.” Leo interjected. 

“It could be a collection of reasons,” Ray answered. He suddenly stopped typing on his keyboard and took in everyone’s curious expressions. “Either he’s just incredibly clever and has an immaculate ability to cover his tracks, has hired someone to do that for him, or…” 

“He’s dead…” Liam quietly inserted, just above a whisper. His palms started trembling in his lap, and the only thing he could feel was his heart erratically thumping.

The deeper this web went, the further Liam felt himself slipping from reality. All he wanted was a sign, a concrete clue, anything to put him one step closer to finding Riley. The longer that time passed, the more he believed there was a grim reason they couldn’t find them. Just when the light at the end shined brighter, Liam was suddenly drug further down into the abyss of questions, making him doubt everything. 

“We can’t confirm that right now, Your Majesty. I’ve searched hospital records and there are no reports of him checking in at any of them and nothing solid to point to that conclusion. There are a lot of open ends regarding his whereabouts, but I have a couple more places to look before we should start truly discussing that possibility.” 

“Right…” Liam quietly responded as his mind raced. If Tariq’s DNA was on her dress, does that mean he’s the one who injured her? They already knew he was close to Riley; the pictures obviously showcased them together, but was Tariq responsible for attacking her, too? Those thoughts created a storm of rage he’d never felt before; just when he thought the fire had sizzled out, another splash of gasoline was poured onto the diminishing coals. Liam may not have felt a lot of hope, but he sure as hell felt the rage consuming his entire being. 

Leo noticed Liam's forelorn expression and reassuringly gripped his shoulder. “Don’t worry, man. We’re going to get an answer — soon.”

A short while later, Olivia, Leo, and ‘Harold’ walked the halls of the Portavirian estate, searching for Penelope’s room. Liam opted to have a drink with Drake instead of being alone, as his already overflowing anxiety seemed to increase with every passing second. 

They rounded the corner and Olivia tapped on Penelope’s door, but received near silence; muffled barks rang out beyond the structure, although seemingly at a distance. After a few moments, she stepped forward and repeated the process, but again, no answer. Leo knocked a few times a little louder, but heard nothing — aside from the dogs. He reached for the handle and tried to turn it, just to see, only to find it locked.

“What should we do?” Leo asked Olivia. 

Olivia tapped her index finger against her chin. “I don’t know…” She furrowed her brow and stared at the door in front of her. “The poodles are inside, so she shouldn’t be far… Maybe we search around and see if we spot her anywhere? It’s still relatively early; she could have stepped out for a moment.” 

Leo and Ray both agreed, and the trio began their trek. They started outside by the pool and checked the lounge area, but Penelope wasn't located anywhere. They searched nearly every floor, even the roof, but found no signs of her. Everyone else was already in their room for the night, the estate nearly deserted as they scoured the abandoned hallways. After a while, everyone agreed to take their chances and return to Penelope’s door, as a good hour passed since they last attempted. 

A voice called out to them as they made their way up the grand staircase. They turned around to see Landon making his way to them with a grin on his face. “Good evening, Your Majesty, Duchess, a pleasure to see you both. Are the two of you just strolling, or have you been out on the town?” He chuckled with a playful side eye directed at Leo. 

“You know me,” Leo smirked, “but actually, we’ve been looking for your daughter.” 

Landon’s smile faded, instead replaced with a perplexed expression. “What do you need from Penelope?”

Leo and Olivia shared a hesitant look. “Actually, it’s confidential… Do you know where she is?” 

“She said she was retiring to her room earlier.” 

Olivia spoke next. “We checked there. We checked everywhere and we have no clue where she’s at.” 

“Perhaps she’s already in slumber; she is quite the heavy sleeper. How about I come with you? I was headed there anyway, as she was acting fairly strange earlier.” 

“Strange how?” Leo asked. 

“She kept hugging her mother and me, and told us how much she loved us. She just seemed — sad, as if she would burst into tears at any moment. And she asked me to ensure Merlin and Morgana get plenty of treats.” Landon furrowed his brows and shook his head. “I asked her what she meant, and she just gave me another hug. Emmaline thinks she’s getting ready for her time of the month, which is why I came prepared.” He held up a wad of chocolate bars and laughed.

“I take it Merlin and Morgana are the poodles?”

“Oh, yes. They’re practically her children. It’s been hard on her to leave them at home, but she’s done fairly well. The unexpected route changes actually ended up being very beneficial to her, since she gets to be with them for a few days. I’m certain she’s going to have a hard time leaving again, but I know she appreciates getting to see them. When it was time to leave for the engagement tour, she was practically inconsolable; she didn’t want to leave, to the point we weren’t sure she would attend at all.” 

“So, she didn’t want to return, then?” Olivia inquired, hanging on his every word. 

Landon sighed and looked away. “I don’t believe so, no. But we made sure she knew how much of a tremendous opportunity this was for her. She was incredibly reluctant, but finally agreed. In all honesty, I think most of her reservations were regarding the fact that she was going so far away. Penelope is a very timid girl; she doesn’t particularly enjoy the crowds or being away from home. I’m confident staying in Cordonia where things are a little more familiar will turn things around for her; perhaps she will enjoy herself a bit.” 

“Right…” Olivia trailed off, as her mind swirled around these new little bits of information. She questioned if Penelope's reluctance to come back had to do with Riley's disappearance. The haunting look in Penelope’s eyes as that cab drove away told Olivia she could be correct. 

“Lead the way, then,” Leo inserted with a forced smile, as uneasiness crept into the pit of his stomach. The hair on the back of his neck suddenly stood at attention, an involuntary shudder traveling through his body; he shook it off and politely smiled at Landon, who returned the gesture before starting the journey.

Everyone strolled through the halls together and within a short time, they were nearing Penelope’s room once again. Leo and Landon made small talk along the way, but Olivia didn’t listen most of the time. A bad feeling rapidly grew as they walked; why, she wasn’t sure, but it was becoming impossible to ignore. As they got closer, the air suddenly felt cold, raising goosebumps on her skin and sending a shiver down her spine. The hallway had an eerie aura to it that was beyond explanation; judging from the cautious expressions of everyone around, Olivia knew her feelings were not in her head. Landon appeared to be the only one who didn’t notice the atmosphere shift, although he hadn’t stopped talking long enough to take in the environment. 

Just as they were about to arrive, they heard muffled voices speaking not far away. Olivia furrowed her brows and started walking faster, practically running, with Ray and Leo not far behind. 

She came to an abrupt stop as she saw a litter of guards standing outside of Penelope’s room; dressed in full riot gear with what she assumed to be loaded assault rifles, all appearing to be awaiting instructions. Standing toward the back of the mass of people was Liam, who was speaking with Bastien in hushed tones. She could tell even from afar he was talking sternly; his angry demeanor instantly drew Olivia to him. Drake lingered close-by, wearing an expression of pure confusion.

Olivia approached them and inquired, “What’s going on?” 

“There you are. I’ve been looking all over for you,” Liam replied. “Did you question Penelope?”

“We were looking for her, that’s why we’re here, now.”

“But you didn’t find her?” Liam snapped, not even trying to hide the annoyance in his tone. 

“Not yet…” Leo answered as he took in Liam’s tense shoulders and ticking jaw. “Liam, what is going on?” 

Before Liam could respond, Landon interjected himself. “What is the meaning of this?!” 

Liam took a deep breath to calm himself and spoke in a calm, yet authoritative voice. “Duke Landon, I understand this may be hard for you to hear, but we have to take Penelope into custody.”

“Custody?! On what grounds?!” Landon hollered. 

Liam swallowed down the ball of anger and agitation lodged in his throat and spoke in a flat voice. “She is the prime suspect in the murder of Rhonda Floros.” Everyone’s eyes widened as their jaws hit the floor. “We will investigate further, but she has to be detained until we can–” 

“I – what?! You have no proof! This – this is an injustice!” Landon yelled as he frantically paced in front of Penelope’s door. 

Leo hesitantly spoke in a hushed manner. “Li, all we knew about was the photographer. How can you jump to that conclusion?” 

“The forensics came back and Penelope’s prints were all over the murder weapon. Her DNA was on everything else as well, but I’m focused on that knife.”

“Impossible! There has to be some kind of mistake!” Landon pleaded. 

“I’m sorry Landon, but the forensics does not lie,” Liam replied with a sad smile. “Trust me, I don’t want to believe she could have done something like this and I intend to figure it out, but we have to locate her first!"

Landon quickly stepped toward Penelope’s room and pulled a set of keys from his pocket. “She is in here — I know she is; she’s sleeping. I’ll wake her up and we can figure out this mess together, because I know for certain she is innocent.” He spoke as he unlocked the door and turned the handle. He entered and flipped the switch on the wall, the area becoming illuminated. 

Liam motioned for the guards to stay outside and followed closely behind. Olivia entered next, followed by Ray. However, a stern hand on Ray’s chest halted him in the doorway. 

“You are unauthorized personnel,” Bastien snapped.  

Liam quickly intervened. “No, he’s not.” 

“Your Majesty, with all due respect, I entered his credentials myself. I know for a fact what clearances he has and doesn’t.” 

Liam stepped up to Bastien with narrowed eyes. “Poof.” He snapped his fingers. “I just gave him access. Now, step aside.” He growled through clenched teeth, the vein in his neck profusely popping out.  

To be honest, Liam was stalling until he found Ray and Olivia; the three of them were going to question Penelope together. His earlier worries about keeping his cool were well out the window; now he was simply confused. Why did she hire the photographer? Did she really kill that maid? Did Penelope know they had spoken to her? Every piece of random evidence found had Penelope’s DNA – and only hers – on it in some fashion. Although the legitimacy of the scene was still in question, her fingerprints on the murder weapon were more than enough to detain her for questioning. 

Bastien never once took his eyes off Ray during the entire interaction. Ray observed Bastien's face crack slightly and saw him swallow and clench his jaw when Liam commanded him to stop. He finally moved his hand to allow Ray entrance, but held his intent gaze for just a moment too long. Olivia watched and noted how she wasn’t stopped, nor Drake or Leo — only Ray. She couldn’t help but wonder why Bastien didn’t want him specifically there. 

Liam glanced around as he entered and saw no signs of Penelope and nothing raising any kind of alarm. He’d never been inside this room before, but to the naked eye, not a thing was out of place. However, Liam couldn’t deny the sudden chill he felt as he stepped over the threshold. His skin instantly clammed up, and his heart rate increased substantially with every tense second that passed. 

Everyone else followed behind and did the same, but Landon circled the room while frantically calling Penelope’s name, only to get no response. He ducked into the bathroom to check there, but saw no traces of his daughter. Everything appeared just as it was earlier that morning when he personally prepared everything for Penelope’s arrival.

“This doesn’t make sense,” Landon huffed as he reemerged. “She said she was coming to bed. Where else would she go? Should we contact Lady Kiara? They had grown quite close.”

Liam sighed and ran a hand down his face. “Bastien, send someone to Lady Kiara’s room to check.” His patience with this situation was dissipating. An answer was right there dangling in front of his face; he could practically taste it. Even if he had to turn the entire continent upside down, Liam was going to find Penelope and make her answer for her part in this mess — whatever that could have been. 

“Yes, sir.”

Olivia glanced at the dresser and saw a jewelry box. Something on top of it quickly caught her attention; it was a piece of paper neatly folded with the words read me written on it in red ink. Her breaths immediately stopped as she stared at it for a long moment. Goosebumps raised on her skin as she realized the penmanship was strikingly familiar.  

She slowly reached out and brought it closer; Ray noticed and came to stand beside her to see what she had found. Liam and Landon continued to speak on the other side of the room, completely unaware of their discovery. Olivia carefully unfolded the sheet and quickly scanned over the contents. As she started reading, the color suddenly drained from her face, her hands trembling, and even tears were forming in the corners of her eyes. Her mind instantly started spiraling, trying to decipher what this meant.

Olivia and Ray stood gawking at the paper in a trance for an unidentified amount of time. The sound of Landon’s thunderous voice suddenly brought both out of their dazes. “This is absurd! She did nothing wrong!” 

“I understand your frustrations but as I said before, the forensics does not lie,” Liam answered in the calmest tone he could muster. “I have questions about all of this, Landon! But one way or another her DNA was littered–”

“Bullshit! Run the tests again! Something is going on here!” 

Liam winced at Landon’s volume, but shook it off and stood to his full height. “Duke Ebrim, you’d do well to remember who you’re speaking to and watch your tone. While I understand why you’re upset, I’m only here to figure this out. If you want to clear her name, help us find her so we can speak to her!” 

Landon frantically looked throughout the room, desperately trying to make sense of what was happening. At that moment, they heard a bark, followed by another softer cry; everyone suddenly stilled and an eerie silence took over, as they glanced at one another with furrowed brows. It sounded undeniably close, but there were obviously no dogs in the area. The silence in the air was deafening, but then it happened again and Landon finally pinpointed the location — the closet. It would make sense; Penelope heard the commotion and retreated in there with her poodles to hide because she was afraid. 

Landon made a bee-line for the door and wildly swung it open. He took a step back and two fluffy dogs slowly came out with their heads down, causing Landon to take a few steps back; they laid at Landon’s feet and whimpered. 

“What is it, Merlie?” Landon asked as he rubbed one of the dogs’ heads, their howls intensifying. 

The room’s air suddenly felt incredibly thick at the interaction. Liam felt physically sick to his stomach as recognition swept over him from head to toe — something was waiting for them in that closet. His hands shook at his sides, his breathing shaky and uneven as he stared into the dark, open doorway. 

Landon stepped over the poodles, who went and lay on the bed, but continued whining. As he entered, he ran a hand along the wall until he found the switch. The small area came to light, and his worst nightmare suddenly became reality right in front of his face. 

“NO!” Landon wailed at an ear-piercing volume as he dropped to his knees near the doorway. 

“What’s wrong?” Liam sought, but Landon broke into a fit of sobs and crumpled to the floor. 

Liam swallowed thickly and took a couple of cautious steps forward. Olivia suddenly appeared and tried to redirect him, but Liam was steadfast; whatever it was, he needed to see it for himself. As he got closer, he could see a chair lying on its side. His eyesight started on the floor and slowly traveled upward. He hadn’t made it very far before the color drained from his face with sweat immediately beading his brow at seeing a pair of dainty feet dangling in the air; one heel on, the other nowhere to be seen. 

Liam looked away but with a shuddered breath followed the body back up to the face, and sure enough, it was Penelope.

Landon suddenly shoved Liam out of the way. “MOVE!” He rushed over and held Penelope’s lifeless form, lifting her easily with one hand; the other quickly moving to remove the belt from around her severely bruised neck. Her limp body dropped into his arms and he cradled her to his chest as he rocked back and forth, making cries that would haunt Liam until the day he died. 

Liam regained his footing but remained cemented in place. This was it; this was their big break, but they only received more unanswered questions. Hopelessness flourished, as he saw no other solutions in sight. He felt like a mouse, mindlessly running through a maze just trying to reach the end for the reward. Penelope's testimony was that reward, but instead of finding the end of the maze, he encountered a sudden, abrupt wall.

Regardless of their actions, they faced a grim reality where a devastating setback countered every advance they made; one step forward, only to be met with two deadly steps back.

Liam suddenly couldn’t breathe; his lungs felt like fire with every rapid, hollow breath. The room started spinning, his vision hazing at a rapid rate. His heart pounded mercilessly, the sound overpowering Landon’s continuous wails filling the room. His hands flew to his chest and he stumbled backward, Leo and Drake quickly moving to catch him before he hit the floor. 

They lowered him to the ground and sat over him as Liam’s vision slowly faded out, their faces disintegrating into a pixelated, blurry image. He blinked his eyes a few times to regain himself, but found the rapidly spinning room made him nauseous. He felt Leo lightly tapping his cheeks, but when he tried to open his mouth, only an anguished cry escaped. 

Liam stared at the ceiling until the bright lights suddenly dimmed. His eyelids grew incredibly heavy until he succumbed to the weight of the world forcing them down. Darkness consumed him as he slipped into unconsciousness, a still silence overcoming his being. 

"Goddamn it," Leo grumbled to himself, as he watched Liam’s body relax. "Get a fucking ambulance! Now!" He hollered over his shoulder before his teary vision centered on his brother again. "Cummon, Li..."

Tags (if you'd like to be added or removed, please let me know): @choicesficwriterscreations @ao719 @txemrn @imashybish @queenrileyrose

@kingliam2019 @riseandshinelittleblossom @dcbbw @tessa-liam @amandablink @cordonia-gothqueen @sfb123 @jared2612 @harleybeaumont

@bebepac @charlotteg234 @busywoman

@malblk21 @angelasscribbles

@bascmve01 @iaminlovewithtrr @hopelessromanticmonie

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@lovingchoices14 @emersyn-in-cordonia

@karahalloway @aussiegurl1234 @the0afnan @nestledonthaveone @gabesmommie1130

[bengiyo]

La Pluie: Thoughts on the Queer Subtext and More Patts Reflections

It feels a bit weird to begin this post talking about the queer subtext in a show full of men kissing each other, and implied sapphic love. Still, I have thoughts about Warun and Yad, and how their relationship represents a break with traditionalism as well. There are many articles and historical analyses about the “surge” in divorce in America once it became legal for women, and especially for women to have their own bank accounts. I personally don’t think traditions are useful at the point where they continue to harm people asked to uphold them. Yad and Warun also seem to be reconciling that reality for themselves.

Warun and Yad

I posited in Episode 5 that Warun might be queer based on my read of his mannerisms. I think that read holds even through Episode 11, but I think it’s good for the show not to confirm his queerness in any way. Because this show has not had any form of overt homophobia, it would confuse any of the previous messaging to make his queerness text. However, his line, “I can’t change myself,” reads so loudly as queer to me that I can’t let it go.

With Yad and Warun, we had two people come together and form a soulmate marriage and successfully raise four children together. However, they ran into the kinds of problems many couples do, principally over work and family time. What fascinates me is that Yad is the primary breadwinner for their family. She is becoming a powerful tech executive and doesn’t want to forego her career because of the goals she has for her family. Is she not supposed to provide the best financial outcomes for her children?

Warun has become the primary caregiver, and he worries that the boys are not getting the connection with their mom that both she and they need. As I watched their fight, I thought about Nagisa in his (2020) and his fight with his wife, who was also the primary breadwinner of their couple as well. Eventually, they realized they couldn’t be the partners they wanted to be to each other and separated. I think, because Warun was the caregiver, he didn’t want to feel like he let his boys down and ended up giving Tai a huge complex.

I think it’s extremely lovely of this show to show that Warun and Yad were better once they separated from each other and let go of the idea that they’re supposed to be married forever because of their rain connection. (@liyazaki) I love that they still find meaning and connection in their rain connection and hold it significantly between them. I love that Nu is completely unbothered by their connection, and only wants to find his place in this family.

Tai

Oh, Tai. This was not a great week for him. Despite showing some wisdom with Lomfon, and reconciling with his brother, he continues to hold onto this false notion of love.

I will say this plainly. I think Tai has been an asshole for the last two episodes, and it was time for the narrative to gently, but firmly, pull his head out of his ass. He has punished everyone in his life because he’s mad at his parents, refusing to form any meaningful relationships with many people because he’s not allowing himself the complexities of human connection.

I am glad that he was forced to confront the chip he carries around on his shoulder and recognize that his parents faced a terrible internal struggle. He needed to see that it was unfair of him to punish them for dealing with something that difficult. I also think it’s useful for him, with all of the mess he’s created, to have the support of his closest brother.

Now, he’s got to make things right with Patts, but he doesn’t have the benefits of the rain connection to find him. I’m eager to see that boy run around and do the goddamn work required to be in a long-term relationship with someone next week.

Tai is learning the hardest lesson we learn as queer people: the rules and traditional expectations of relationships don’t fit for us. We have to figure out our relationships ourselves and do the work.

Patts

You know I was going to defend my boy!

I think it was excellent of the show to have Patts go to Tai and see him being chummy with Longfon. Though I think Patts’s friends were wrong about him needing to go reconcile with Saengtai, Patts isn’t the kind of person to just let his problems fester. It’s not in his nature. He must go to him. He has to see Tai talking to Lomfon and misunderstanding it so that he makes the only reasonable choice and attempt to move on. I love Patts. He will always try to do the right thing even if it hurts.

My man ugly cried next to a window as his friends held him because he’s done everything he possibly could and it still wasn’t enough. He asked last week and I’m still asking, “Why is it so hard to choose me?”

Reading Patts as bisexual, I like the choice for him to walk away at this point because it’s exactly what he told Saengtai. Tai said he wanted Patts to see his actions over any words he won’t speak. I don’t care that Tai was clearly trying to fix things for Tien. If he was going to fix any relationships, he needed to go to Patts first.

On to the Finale!

I may be limited in my commentary next week since I’ll be busy, but I am genuinely excited about this finale. Tai is finally being forced to grow up and stop waiting for love to fall into his lap. I’m ready to see that boy Japanese BL Run for his love.

Tagging @lurkingshan, @neuroticbookworm, and @wen-kexing-apologist for chatting with me while I got these thoughts out.

[wayward-aeon]

two* new arrivals, and the lessons they bring

as a system, our rate of growth is generally quite steady. i would say we get a handful of new folk each year, never enough to overwhelm. oftentimes, new headmates form with specific purposes, such as to handle a specific stressor, or fulfill some manner of niche that isn't already being filled by another member.

since this past june, two* newcomers have arrived specifically to challenge what systemhood means for us.

despite not being the original, i am as prone to doubt and denial as anyone else. our overall inner activity levels are very low - i am alone in here the grand majority of the time. there is a bit of a "chicken or the egg" situation there - i doubt us because things are quiet, but what if it is quiet because i doubt? either way, i'm working on it, and i would like to think i have made a lot of progress lately. still frontstuck, but to my recollection, we've co-fronted and generally communicated more this year than we have since our post-discovery boom back in the late 2010s.

yet, in many ways, i am still subconsciously resisting this change. there is part of me that is afraid. afraid of being wrong, afraid of losing control. afraid that someday this might not be "my" life anymore, not that this life was ever mine (or at least not mine alone) to begin with. our previous primaries/hosts have all either gone dormant or integrated, and it has been stressful each time, adapting to the changes that come with confronting the world with a different face than before. i worry, deep down, that it's only a matter of time before i follow in their footsteps. i worry that i might lose everything.

i am also grappling constantly with internalized pluralphobia. i was unfortunate to be introduced to systemhood through the exclusionist side of the community, and in my confusion as a newly aware system and my desperation to have my experiences validated, i ate up every awful, hateful piece of rhetoric that they fed me. although i am now staunchly pluralpunk (at least towards others, if not yet for myself), much of what i saw and was told during those times clings to me like a parasite. despite firmly believing there is no right way to be plural, i still fall into the trap of thinking myself to be the unique exception - that i must do systemhood the "right way", or else i have been lying to myself all along.

these are the biggest hurdles in the way of our health and function as a collective, right now. and that's where our newcomers come into play.

firstly, they are both fictives. this already ruffles the feathers of my "inner sysphobe", who tries to tell me that each new fictive we form is a point against our validity. never mind the fact we have always been a fictive majority.

secondly, they are both extremely plural-coded in their respective sources (hence the asterisks when i say there are "two" of them), and for both, it is a huge part of who they are and how they interface with the world at large. for both, it is a source of pride and strength rather than something to skitter around the edges of like a nervous cat. one of them in particular sees it as a form of art, viewing the consciousness as the clay with which to mold countless priceless artifacts of selfhood. this goes against everything i have told myself for years: that we cannot be proud, that we cannot be visible, that we cannot present in a fashion that falls outside of arbitrary parametres invented by people who view us as mere symptoms of a disease.

it has been a lot for me to take in.

to an extent, i see a reflection of myself and my own median-ness in them. they are many, all sharing the same face (and often the same name), yet each is uniquely different, even if only to the most minute details. the version of them i speak to today may not be the same as who i spoke to yesterday, but that isnt a bad thing. this is probably a big part of why they showed up here in the first place. whether or not i want to accept it, i need them. they have come to me with outstretched hands, offering to teach me plural joy, and all i have to do is let them.

and that is a process in itself, but we persevere. even if it is centimetre by agonizing centimetre, or even if we move backwards at times, progress is progress.

[pussyterminator88]

Hippie crack

Hippie crack also known as Nitrous, is a gas that is within the dissociative group of drugs. There is not a lot of information of the actual mechanical action of this drug which is crazy, but it makes sense because I would say that Nitrous has a psychedelic effect to it. We have drugs that are uppers (stimulants) and we have downers (dissociative) and even though Nitrous is classified as a downer I wouldn't say that, to me its like to the side or even outside of the box. It's hard to explain if you aren't familiar to what it does.

What it does...Well it cuts out the oxygen in your body, and what people do is that they consume the gas until they are in between of passing out and being conscious. In this state everybody feels something different but it can also happen that people get a similar trip. Also one creepy thing about Nitrous is that if you speak right after consuming this gas you will hear that your voice has changed, everyone's voice on Nitrous becomes super deep and dark it's scary. Thank god that the voice comes back to normal when the high wears off, which it does super fast. The come up is around 5-10 sec and the peak lasts 15-30 sec.

My first time on hippie crack was interesting because I had no idea of what I should expect. So me and an old experienced friend inhaled the gas at the same time and the first thing I noticed was how everything slowed down, first came my breathing then my surroundings. And so I tried paying attention to my surroundings by listening to what other people were talking about. There was this one girl talking all the time and she had such a distinctive voice and so I heard her words echo back to back during my peak. She said something like damn I wish, damn I wish, damn I wish over and over again but the way she delivered those words came out in a rhythmic echoing sound in my brain. Then when I started coming back I looked at my friend who also inhaled nitrous with me at the same time, I looked at him with an open mouth and wide eyes, he immediately started nodding his head and laughing. He was nodding because he knew that we experienced the exact same thing, and he was laughing because my wide open mouth and eyes looked goofy asf. Then he started saying damn I wish, damn I wish in that exact same rhythmic echo sound I heard during my peak.

However this trip might seem fun and harmless this does not apply to everyone!!! I had another friend who wanted to try Nitrous, so she did. We were sitting on a bed and when the peak came she paniked she had forgotten who she was, who I was, where she was, she had forgotten basic things like how a piece of fabric feels. So she was touching her own denim jeans with confusion. Then she said things out loud like who am I, am I alive, am I living. Yeah...things in that nature, then she screamed at the top of her lungs and after that she came back to "normal". My girl got an ego death from Nitrous. Later after that experience it unlocked something in her brain she couldn't close, she got panic attacks and dissociated from reality on a daily basis. It took her a lot of time and venting to learn how to deal with this. Later on she told me what she saw during her trip and she saw like a spiral forming in front of her and when she looked at someone's face their face was distorted and morphing. She also told me that she didn't know she was saying these things out loud she thought that whole time she was talking in her head and she also didn't know she screamed out loud. Now she is doing good, so there is no need to worry :) But we could've prepared better:

Explain what Nitrous does: also like me she had no idea what nitrous really does, I should've explained better from the beginning.

Chosen a better spot: it was already a pretty chaotic vibe from the start where we were sitting so we could've taken a calmer spot.

Made her more conscious of her mindset before the trip: those 3 moths before her trip on nitrous weren't really the best for her so we could've also chosen a better time period where she felt more secure and safe.

That was a reminder to really be careful, and I want everyone to always have these three points going through your mind every time you want to consume a new or even old substance. You can go forward but not go back and change things if they went bad !

[cvm-jpfilm]

Ozu - I Was Born But...

Ozu's I Was Born But... was a surprisingly fun film to watch despite it being my first real silent movie experience. I was initially confused on the plot, but the film's screenplay was really easy to follow thanks to the simplicity of each scene's actions and shots.

I found myself rooting for the kids to beat the bullies, and at the same time, cringe at their antics and misbehavior. The low to nonexistent stakes of the movie reminded me of my own childhood and of simpler times. I would always question the things my parents did, much like the brothers. Now watching them, I realize that sometimes you are put into situations that you cannot do anything about, or where it would be better to continue doing something, despite not liking it. Though just because there was no real tension does not mean the conflict fell flat. In fact, the conflict between the brothers and the parents made me ponder some of the sacrifices and limitations of the adult world. The commitment to reality in a lack of change in the status quo of the adults was saddening yet inescapable; it reminds me that many of life's problems, although profound, are not the ends of the world.

It's in this depiction that I think the movie shines at portraying globally ordinary human troubles. Ozu's focus is certainly at a humorous, yet realistic portrayal of an ordinary Japanese family's circumstances. Still, none of the events of the movie are specific to this family or Japanese society. Accomplishments, societal importance, monetary value, bullying, and a parent-child disconnect are things anyone might have experienced. Seemingly, the beginning of these worries in the children and the struggles of the adults alike are like just another day in the film. Even if the father, mother, and brothers acknowledge their struggles between accomplishment and money, the very next day the father must still greet his boss the same way. I think the film is trying to say through the brothers' growth that it is fine to continue like that, because that is just how life is.

I think this film's contrast to other genres and the faithfulness to demonstrating contemporary struggles is what made this film interesting for audiences at the time. As far as genres go, shomin-geki might be as ordinary and true to life as it gets, barring comedic undertones. It is starkly different from the popular action-filled jidai-geki and it is a much more niche form of gendai-geki. Additionally, I think audiences might have empathized if not seen themselves in the movie's family due to the economic state of Japan at the time. 9 years before the movie's release, the Great Kanto earthquake hit Japan, totaling casualties over 100,000 people. The Showa financial crisis would arrive 4 years later as a result of government bailouts to banks and businesses, along with the Showa depression from 1930-1931 due to the Great Depression (Shizume, 2009). Under that premise, it wouldn't be uncommon for many families to be in a similar situation than that of the movie: moving away from the big Tokyo cities and in dubious economic circumstances. In such a low point in the nation's country, I think audiences would have found the simple and realistic depiction of a sub-urban family comforting.

Ozu's shots are pretty interesting looking back at the film. Most shots are low to the ground or level to the actors' chest and long shots. The perspective it creates makes it seem as if we are children ourselves. I think this accomplishes in making the children's antics real and serious. By themselves, you might mistake a children scene with an adult, since the framing is the same for either, but bring them together and you get a towering effect from the adults. Speaking of a difference, another quirk that I like about shot composition in this film is how actors are grouped. Take the movie night scene, for example:

These three shots have to be my favorite by far because it exemplifies exactly what the movie is about. Many shots in this film are broken down into group shots where actors are in there respective social groups. Sometimes a single group is on screen before switching over, and other times the groups are separated spatially using the foreground and background. For example, the bullies vs. the brothers or father and mother vs. brothers. In this case, the shots separate the groups into boss and his wife, boss' employees, and the kids. The reason why the shot separates them is for the comedic effect of each group's reaction to the movie's accidental recording of the boss' adultery. The boss and his wife are upset and disappointed, the employees pretend they didn't see anything, and the kids stare indifferently. This was such an incredibly funny scene to me and by far the best shots because it highlighted a technique I didn't realize was being used in the film and exemplified how each social group should act. Throughout the film, the social group shot composition changes particularly with the kids, going from bullies and brothers, to brothers and kids without the bully, to all kids hanging out. That's an amazing way to tell a story without having to even watch the entire film, you can observe character dynamics by simply looking at who is on the screen and if they are far from each other.

P.S. Apologies if the structure is a bit by the book, but I actually started picking up towards the end about what I really liked in the film. If anyone agrees with my social group shot composition, let me know. I could certainly be overthinking it, but I found that to really elevate the film once I found it. Additionally, here's the source for my information on the economic state of Japan around 1931.

Shizume, M. (2009). The Japanese economy during the Interwar period: Instability in the financial system and the impact of the World Depression. Bank of Japan, 2009-E-2, 1-10. https://www.boj.or.jp/en/research/wps_rev/rev_2009/rev09e02.htm

[asrinataysa]

Riview of flim "THE MAZE RUNNER

The Maze Runner is a 2014 American science fiction dystopian action thriller film directed by Wes Ball, based on the 2009 novel of the same name by James Dashner. The film is the first "installment" in The Maze Runner film series and was produced by Ellen Goldsmith-Vein, Wyck Godfrey, Marty Bowen, and Lee Stollman with background score by Noah Oppenheim, Grant Pierce Myers, and T.S. Nowlin. The movie stars Dylan O'Brien, Kaya Scodelario, Thomas Brodie-Sangster, Will Poulter, and Ki Hong Lee.

The story begins with a teenager named Thomas who suddenly wakes up in the middle of a forest with no memory of who he is or how he got there. He soon realizes that he is in the Glade, a community inhabited by a group of boys his age. The Glade is surrounded by giant walls that form a very intricate maze. The boys have lived in the Glade for several years and are trying to find their way out of the maze.

Once every month, an elevator brought food supplies and a new boy to the Glade. However, when a girl named Teresa arrived, it was a big change as she was the only girl to ever come to the Glade. She also brings a mysterious message that shakes up the community.

Thomas decides to become a maze runner whose job is to explore the maze every day and find a way out. Together with his friends, he tries to understand the true purpose of the maze and who controls it. They must also face the dangers of the mysterious creatures known as Grievers, who inhabit the maze.

The movie follows the adventures of Thomas and his friends as they attempt to unravel the mystery behind the maze and escape the increasingly dangerous situation. The movie is full of thrilling action and puzzles and reveals many secrets that rock their world.

There are three moral messages contained in this movie, namely

dare to get out of your comfort zone.Seen in the movie Maze Runner 1 when Thomas (Dylan O'brien) tried to find out what was behind the maze walls. If only Thomas did not dare to get out of the maze, maybe now they could not feel freedom and live life without having to worry about WCKD (a kind of organization that likes to capture young people for lab experiments) will catch them.

loyal friend. This movie teaches us to be loyal and not to abandon friends when they are getting help.

risk-taking and sacrifice. If Thomas didn't take the risk they might be trapped in the labyrinth with the fear that they couldn't get out and be there forever.

I think when I saw this movie I felt like I was getting into the story and as if I was trapped in the maze. Thinking about solving problems, especially when there were monsters chasing Thomas, I panicked myself. At the beginning I was scared and still confused about how the storyline was but gradually I understood how the plot was and strangely I couldn't guess what the next scene would be like and at the end it turned out that there was still a part 2 flim but I hadn't had time to watch it.

Regarding the characters, I like all of them, but not Gally, he likes Thomas and he likes to blame Thomas for often breaking the rules, then his position is removed and he blames Thomas because of Thomas' actions Gally is not a member of the runners anymore and according to him Thomas' arrival ruined everything in the Glade. Eh, when at the end of the movie the others entered the maze, he followed and made trouble and finally he was accidentally killed by Minho.

And one more thing when I saw this movie I realized that the backsound was very little and it actually made the movie seem real I liked it and the backsound that was taken on average was soft and some were loud but not bad I liked it.

So I suggest that if you want to watch this movie in the room or in a group, you can also do it as long as if there is a shocking scene, don't scream, thank you. I write this feeling nostalgic xixixixi

[starkcanvas]

Serious question for the Clear Out AU....

How did the friend group react to the details regarding the argument, Sunny and Mari running from home, and what their father did to Sunny?

Also, given what's been said about Mari and Sunny's mental health, did the reactions have any effect on it?

If these were answered already, I apologize for the repetitive questions.

MMM very good questions :3 and I shall answer the best I can although it might get long lol

So, regarding the first set of questions, when being asked what happened, Mari is the one who explains what happened as Sunny would be extremely shy and worried about wording something wrong and accidentally making his friends seem like he broke the violin on purpose out of malice. Which wasn't the case.

In terms of the arguement and the violin, everyone was a bit disappointed that all the hard work they spent last year in saving up for it went to waste. Sunny even apologizing for not just talking to someone when he should've.

As for the running away, they were extremely confused, but once Mari tells them that their birth father had been secretly abusive towards Sunny and that he had actually beaten him physically in the storage closet in their old home, they soon understood why. Them understanding that Mari had them do that just to keep Sunny out of harm's way.

As for the reactions effecting Sunny and Mari's mental health, since with the help of Klaus and Del providing voices of reason, no one is mad or upset at anyone. Sure, the younger kids vision of Mari as the "perfect older sister" is kinda tarnished by her admitting to fully losing her temper, but they could understand that there was a lot of tension and stress built up due to that damn recital.

The main thing to remember here, is that the things that are gonna have the main effect on Sunny and Mari's mental health is the following:

With Sunny, he has to overcome the trauma he has associated with "Fatherly" figures since his birth one heavily scarred him with verbal and physical abuse. Klaus and Del in the very beginning scared the daylights out of him for a while lol

With Mari, she still needs to work on her perfectionism and the need of constanly living up to other people's expectations of her. Especially since she's now heavily disabled in the form of being a below-knee amputee.

And then for both, they'll need all the help they can get in the form of getting to see what a true family is like since all they've ever grown up with is "Tough Love" and that parental affection needs to be earned. Which is something that doesn't apply to Klaus and Del at all.

One scenario I keep thinking about in regards to the last point is when Mari and Sunny go back to normal school in their new home, because they've been out of school for so long, their grades kinda take a few hits. The first tests they get back, they both got mid to high 80's on. Which before, they got yelled at by their birth father if they got anything lower than a 100 or at least 95.

Both kids do their best to hide their grades but when are asked about said tests, they both can't take the stress and completely break down. Both apologizing on how they'll do better and that this would only be a one time situation, but Klaus and Del simply comfort their two kids. Telling them that they're far from mad and that their extremly proud.

Del saying he was very impressed they got A's after being absent for so long. His comment confuses them, correcting him and saying they got B's. The two men laugh and wash away all the kids worries by telling them they sent them to schools where the passing grade is 50 and above. Not 70 and above, therefore changing the grading format. The two kids both sobbed tears of joy and relief for the rest of that night ;w;

[bonesandthebees]

So Phil and Techno (featuring Tommy, the consequences of his actions and Wilbur, who was not aware he cared this much about these people).

We actually get hit with Phil and Techno planning to leave the second the chapter starts. It’s why Tommy gets a day off which allows the reconciliation with Tubbo and the conversation after that leads to them finding out they were leaving.

This is step one of The Consequences. Phil and Techno no longer trust Tommy. It’s not that they distrust him, but they no longer blindly tell him things. Tommy has done several things they didn’t expect him to do, and as a result, they are no longer sure how he would react. Or maybe they knew exactly how he would react and wanted to limit the time he would be worried.

Either way, Tommy clearly does not understand the effects of his actions. He doesn’t get why he hasn’t been told they would be leaving sooner. [“Why wouldn’t Techno tell me they were going out? He always tells me that stuff!”] It’s more about the change in behaviour than the actual issue. Techno always tells him and Tommy doesn’t get why he doesn’t know.

By that I mean more that he doesn’t get why his punishment (because that’s probably what this feels like) spreads to this too. Tommy understands being punished for the night market, but he might think that’s where the consequences should stop. But this isn’t a punishment, it’s the damage he caused to his own relationships by breaking his punishment and sneaking out. He’s ‘proved’ himself to be a stupid teenager, so he’s getting treated as one.

Though Phil and Techno claim to be keeping him out of it until they know what they are dealing with. As outsiders, we don’t know if this is less info than Tommy normally would have gotten. Or if he used to have special privileges, and has now been stripped back to normal Deathling level.

(1/?)

-🌲

yup, that seemingly small detail from the beginning that's quickly swept under the rug as tubbo becomes the main focus for a bit comes back to bite wilbur and tommy in the ass because phil and techno are going out. and tommy wasn't told, because actions have consequences my guy. it's both that they're not sure how he'd react, and they also don't want him to worry. but it's more the latter. still, they can't be sure.

the unfortunate thing is that tommy is a stupid teenager, and that's part of why he's so blindsided realizing his actions had real consequences outside of his formal punishment. phil and techno aren't withholding information from him as a new form of punishment, it's because they genuinely can't trust him with it anymore. and tommy is only now realizing that consequences extend beyond doing chores for a few weeks

lol yeah tommy definitely used to have special privileges since he's literally their kid, but now he's back at basic deathling level so he's very confused as a result

[spacedkitty]

the definitions amongst the disparate leftist groups seem intentionally setup to cause semantic debates masquerading as ideological debates

the issue is that anti-civ wants to talk about and critique very specific things and one of the main words used to talk about those things is a specific usage of the word civilization.

many leftists just want to prevent anyone from ever thinking about these things or taking anti-civ seriously in the first place which is why they'll often describe anti-civ as primitivist or eco-fash or use some other thought terminating accusation.

this is also why its very common for leftists who do end up talking about anti-civ use entirely different and often useless definitions of civilization. one of the common claims is that civilization means anything humans have ever done... but what exactly is the purpose of that definition? how does it help you talk about or communicate something? its not helpful with talking about anything because its only purpose is to make it harder for people to understand what an anti-civ critique is trying to say. its actually very similar to capitalists saying that capitalism is anytime humans exchange anything so capitalism has always and will always exist.

unfortunately semantic debates are more memeable on the internet so why bother with a difficult ideological debate that might require introspection, questioning of assumptions, and making difficult decisions about where your priorities are.

I worry that this is a sentiment I've seen expressed by almost every group of leftists I've encountered on the internet, each with their own set of terminology/definitions that they state the other groups dismiss out of hand as some form of conspiracy to suppress their particular brand of leftist views.

I don't think any of these groups are wrong exactly, I just worry that perhaps the problem becomes one of insularity. I see why the definition being used is used in this case, because it helps to conceptualize of civilization in this manner when dealing with the particular critiques specific to anti-civ. However, without that context, it's extremely hard to parse and looks far closer to "well, like, society is evil and we should live in mud-huts" than makes sense, and in a world full of fascists, well, I've encountered a few people that truly seem to think that's the right approach..

Without context it is easy to see idiocy in the arguments of others if you are primed to do so (which our present society does an excellent job of).

Often I see people get absorbed into a particular brand of leftism and begin denouncing the others after having furious debates using words that seem to mean different things to the different parties. Sometimes when they encounter something to change their perspective they will jump to another brand with a similar fervor and go on to denounce the former brand with the same fervor they defended it with, now using different definitions.

I still have a great deal to learn, but it always feels difficult to do so when often genuine questions are treated with hostility and a dogmatic approach to a group's views. Which I guess I understand, given the frequency of trolls (from all sides of the political spectrum, let's be honest) attempting to waste people's time with frivolous bullshit.

I find myself looking into anti-civ and finding it compatible in many ways with my understandings of socialism and anarchism, and wondering why it felt so hostile and absurd when first I encountered it. Similar to the feelings I had when first learning of communism, socialism and anarchism.

Many leftists just want to prevent anyone from ever thinking about these things or taking anti-civ seriously

I honestly don't agree with you here. I know there are some who do, but I think the vast majority have gotten into confusing debates that mimicked impassible ideological differences and wrote it off, particularly when discussing with others in their movement.

A common problem I've encountered (particularly in online leftist circles) is one of defending ivory tower knowledge over conversational understanding, which makes understanding other groups significantly harder. If your go-to response to criticism or misunderstanding of your movement is "go read this tome" you open no doors to communication, only offering a silo of separate knowledge and perspective.

In summary, I don't think most leftists are opposed to understanding anti-civ, I think we are just primed by society and other leftist movements to see anti-civ perspectives, without the proper context, as reactionary and regressive. A view I think most leftist groups see in one another.

I hope things could possibly be shifted with better grassroots communication and like, maybe something as silly seeming as leftist dictionaries, but that remains to be seen (by me at least).

[fussyspace]

Word count: ~70,300

Cover: A neat cover with a pretty palette, this one gives the right vibes while staying quite simple. It has something to do with planets, it has a colonisation attempt (possibly failed) and it's probably funny. Did I completely blank the fact that it was part of a series until I got to the end and wondered? Why yes, yes I did.

Blurb: 'They needed some help. They woke up the wrong guy. 'The colony ship, Odyssey Earth, is on a 17-year voyage across the galaxy to a new home. And Jordan Booth is exactly where he wanted to be – tucked up in hypersleep, with nothing to worry about until planetfall. 'However, Captain Juno Washington has other ideas. She’s got a quirky ship’s AI, Reeves, and a crew of loners and oddballs, but what she doesn’t have is anyone to look out for the Odyssey Earth’s six ship-born teenagers. 'When Jordan is revived and given the job, he’s far from happy about it. Then again, nor are the kids. Tight-knit, whip-smart, resilient – the last thing they need is a chaperone, and they make sure he knows it. 'After an unexpected change of course, everyone needs to join forces if they’re going to survive. But Jordan is out of his comfort zone – and the teenagers are in no mood to listen. Still, if they pull together and stop squabbling, they might all just make it. 'Yeah, right. Good luck with that.'

I do love the premise of Orphan Planet, and had I come across its blurb in the wild, I may have been tempted to give it a read for the novelty. (I'll be honest, the only thing putting me off would have been the prospect of encountering teenage drama, which I avoid like the plague, but thankfully the usual cringe was not present here.)

Vote to continue at 30%: Yes

Content: In my reviews, I often commit the sin of forgetting to note down all the things I like about a book and ending up with an embarrassingly long list of complaints even when I liked it. The fact that this review is quite short, then, should serve as an indication of how much I enjoyed it (or perhaps more accurately, how inoffensive I found it).

This was a pretty easy read, with light humour here and there and an interesting opening with the main character preparing to go on a colony ship. I found the fact that it switched back and forth between times at the beginning of chapters annoying at first, but settled into it. It was sometimes a bit reminiscent of William Shatner in its use of commas, and missed a few semi-colons, but was otherwise well written.

I was very amused, when it reached the part where the teacher got defrosted, to find out that the shipborn kids he would be looking after existed because the birth control didn't work and none of the mission-essential crew had the time (or necessarily skills) to look after them. The situation tickled me. And the series of videos from their old teacher that introduced them was quite poignant. It was one of those things that, on the surface, look like they should be an info dump, and probably are, but they work well.

Those videos formed a sort of primer for getting to know the kids, both for the teacher and for me as a reader. Admittedly it could be difficult at times. There were a lot of conversations where many people spoke without speech tags. Giving the benefit of the doubt, I think it was to show that the teacher didn't yet know which kid was which, or to consolidate all their speech into 'the noise of the group in general'. I found it a little annoying. I was also confused in places where question marks got used for rhetorical questions and I had to do a double take.

Spoilers for the last part of the book below.

When they accidentally landed on the wrong planet and had to trek across its surface in search of rescue, everything really came alive. The character interactions were great, and I loved seeing the little family (sarcastic AI included) forming. I did find it a little sad, as well, though, with no prospect of a rescue in sight, and therefore only the outlook of drawn-out deaths. I found myself wishing there had been some last-minute glimmer of hope in the final lines. When I discovered there was a sequel, I found my wish answered, of course, and the ending wasn't quite so sad. But on its own, it certainly gave that bittersweet impression.

Overall, Orphan Planet is an enjoyable read with great characters. While it doesn't do anything wildly out-there or leave a massive impression, I definitely recommend it.

[dreamties]

Slashers with a sweet & shy pushover GN! reader

A/n- I should be just about arriving to the airport by the time this posts (so I won’t be able to check it at all)- but I really hope everyone likes this! I’d love to hear from everyone <333

T/W: Swearing, inferences to non-con (not by the slashers !!), cringy pick up line I got off the web 😭, uhhh maybe other stuff? I think that might be it though. A teeny bit of angst tho!

Characters: Brahms Heelshire, Bo Sinclair, Vincent Sinclair, Lester Sinclair, Michael Myers, Billy Loomis & Stu Macher and Kurt Kunkle

Brahms Heelshire

you would follow his rules so well !! afraid that messing up even a single step will end in catastrophe (you couldn't disappoint the Heelshires like that 😔)

before meeting face to face with Brahms- and you still thought you were just taking care of a doll -you never purposefully broke a rule. not once. and this is something he had never seen his other nannies do !! he's impressed and curious, and begins to feel much more comfortable with the idea of heading out of the walls to greet you.

you're definitely thoroughly spooked when you actually meet him !!

but your reaction, frankly, surprises him. he's met with confusion, sure. but also curiosity and a sense of wonder.

your not scared- which maybe you should have been. but you were given no reason to assume that this man could be of danger to you.

you don't leap into his arms (though he would've been quite thrilled by that!), but you don't run away screaming, either. it takes some soft explanation from Brahms, but you adapt to it. you invite him down for lunch. quietly letting him know there'd be sandwiches, and you'd cut off the crusts just the way he likes it.

Brahms is an extremely handsy and clingy boy ! you're just completely oblivious to his advances though, poor Y/n :(

you're always getting upset when you have to deal with the rat traps, and it's not like Brahms is gonna help you- that ain't his job. the most of support you might receive from him is staying nearby to you as you clean them out. despite how upsetting it was for you, you handle the dead rats with care and respect.

I think having someone like you in his life really helps him,, mature in a way.

like when he throws fits, you always get so scared and start crying

and...he might not be totally aware that he is causing that at first, but over time Brahms starts to notice. and he feels awful about doing this to you.

"Y/n?" Brahms calms himself, reaching out to you in a tiny, quieted voice. He tilts his head, giving a worried look at your shaking form. You're covering your eyes with your hands.

You turn away from him, discreetly lifting your hands to wipe away your tears and then move them back into place with the same ease- perfecting the weeping image. Your throat feels tight, and even as you try to let your boyfriend know that it's okay, you're fine, it comes out warbled. Brahms frowns behind his mask. "I hurt you?" You shake your head in your hands. "Sorry, no, no- I. I'm sorry." "It's okay." "But-but-- I'm supposed to be taking care of you and-" you try to muffle your words. "My yelling hurt you?" He asks again. You finally drop your hands to your lap and twist your body to look at him. He's genuine about it, his eyes boring into your form. You simply nod. Your tear streaked face displayed entirely to Brahms. He brings a large, shaky hand to cradle your face. You lean into it as he says he's sorry again and again.

Brahms would adore being able to pull you close and cuddle up with you so much !! all soft and cuddly like a lil teddy bear

it is SO hard to say no to him, and he nearly always gets his way because of your push over nature :(

he will not be standing up for you, unless it's against other people or intruders (he's protective of you, just not from him...)

Bo Sinclair

Bo totally freaks you out at first !!

he's just so,,, him. and he's stubborn on changing. he's got a bit of a temper and tends to be loud (and violent) when he's angry. that's all he really knows how to be.

when you finally come around to him...I think it would be after witnessing a softer side of him. like he's feeling sad and avoiding his feelings, and just focuses on his work and doesn't talk much. cause he doesn't want to yell at you. and when you're given time alone with him, you offer to be his shoulder to cry on, and accept him with gentle caution. he doesn't accept it...but he doesn't flip out in a burst of anger. it's progress. and it shows the two of you are comfortable with each other.

He doesn't apologize much. He hates admitting that he's in the wrong, but if he ever makes you cry, then he's quick to comfort you.

That feels so unforgivable.

He'll promise though- kissing your forehead, cheek, then lips- that he'll be better. For you, for the sanctuary of Ambrose, for the love of his brothers; he'll be better, kinder. He'll lose cracked and falling bits from his angry facade.

and it sort of...works? Your kindness runs off on him, and he can slowly afford to be better towards you and maybe even his brothers. But damn it, Y/n, he ain't boutta be treating his victims like real visitors anytime soon. Whether you like that or not.

He stands up for you all the time. EVEN against his brothers! :O

If any visitors say shit to you, then you know for sure, they'll be hell to pay

It's just Bo's love language <33

Vincent Sinclair

Vincent isn't shy but...he does keep to himself more.

like...he has to participate in the killings. but he does that to keep himself and his brothers safe. to keep the town hidden. it's what he needs to do.

what he likes to do though, is stay in his work room, and create his wax sculptures. or lounge in his room, sketching. which I think is great for you, I'd imagine it would be pretty overwhelming for you to be around all of the brothers, all the time. but having that one on one time?? that's all the two of you really need. is that. each other.

speaking of him sketching !!

he loves sketching you. you're his muse. after he's done he'll gently slide it into your hands, for you to take a look. no matter how many times he does this, you always get so happy and end up as a blushy, blubbering mess. like !! vinnie !! ur so sweet !! i dont deserve this !! *tearing up from pure joy and the feeling of being completely and wholly loved*

Just because you’re a pushover does not mean you don’t have strong feelings! You can get really upset easily, but it’s much harder to actually share with Vince what’s wrong.

since he’s generally quieter (and watches from the shadows a lot :O)— he’s very perceptive. He’s often able to figure out when you’re upset before you begin showing it, y’know?

you’re not crying (yet) but there’s a twisted & scrunched line between ur brows that you’re desperately trying to smooth out— by willing your emotions to go.

but that’s not how that goes :( you’re only hurting yourself, love

Vincent will scoop you up and carry you to the bedroom. He’ll sign to you, asking what’s wrong. Petting your hair as he watches and/or listens for your response.

Lester Sinclair

Lester and Vincent are the only men I'd trust with an s/o like this

I think it would take a little longer for you to fully adjust to Lester though, he's so much louder and more out going than you are !! it's a lot to take in. but he's also such a sweetie, the two of you complement each other so well <3

Lester WILL stand up for you with passerby's and "guests" but I think has so much respect and love but also this terrified feeling around his brothers that he has a very tough time letting them know when boundaries are crossed.

if it’s emotional stuff, okay. Whatever. He hates that Bo can just— act like such a jackass to you with no repercussions! But…he’s Les’ brother. What can he do?

if it’s physical boundaries being crossed- Lester is slow to it at first, but he may start a physical fight with his brother(s).

Michael and Lester are akin to each other in this way, but Les openly expresses it more: how has he picked up such a lovely partner? He’s just the ol’ scraggly, road kill guy.

you seem to always see the best in people (or just naively unaware of your constant danger. . .)

will definitely try his best to get you out of your shell !! But is very understanding if it makes ya anxious doing certain stuff.

you’ll go with him to pick up the animals left out to rot!

you’re not real big on handling them the first few years you live in Ambrose, but the closer you get with ur boyfriend and the more accustomed you are to his way of life— you help him bring them to his truck and drop off ones you don’t need to decompose into the earth.

you won’t skin any animals with him- you’re still pretty timid when it comes to watching him do it.

but you’ll help clean his knives

And delicately scrub the dirt off his face, till he’s bright and new and fresh

and in return- not because of all the sweet things you’ve done (though he mighty appreciates it) but how much he loves you- he brings you to bed in his house. Getting the both of you comfortably under the sheets, tangled your legs with each other’s and the cooling features of your comforter. He’ll hold your head, your face, his entire love in his tough, overworked hands. Kissing your nose and wiping the tears before they meet his skin.

Michael Myers

oh, people yelling freaks you out??? well good news for you, because this man doesn't talk- at all !!*

*well okay, he does a little bit but-

I think Michael would be super confused on how he ended up with you in his life. you're all the things he isn't.

your kind and tender, and incredibly patient with Michael. you rarely get upset with how Michael functions. he's quiet and near emotionless, but you'll take him in your arms with care regardless.

while he may not be anything like you- that doesn't mean he should be treated like a monster. he's done a lot of dark things, but he isn't all the bad things he's done. he's more than his bad behaviors. and there's this raw sense of innocence to you. it's not that you don't know about everything he's done, and you're not ignoring it. but you're able to see everything that's underneath. and no one has ever been able to do that to Michael before. not at Smithsgrove, with Loomis and other doctors constantly surrounding him, poking and prodding, trying to figure out what made him tick. what was inherently wrong with his being.

just because he had murdered once didn't mean that it would happen again. it was a darkness that simmered beneath him. it was preventable.

you treat him as anything but a monster

it's that "sorry, but they asked for NO pickles" meme, except Michael's just standing there with a knife to some dudes throat, while you nervously hold your burger, shaking like a wet cat

You present yourself with all honesty, Michael can learn to be himself around you. Whoever he is

He likes that he can just sit in the same room as you, and do individual activities and not have to talk. But still having the comfort you're nearby <3

He'll show you his little "craft projects" and may even invite you to help out.

I'd imagine still being pretty nervous to help out though- it's not like you think he'll hurt you if you mess up, but that shy, anxious energy coursing through you says otherwise.

back tracking a bit— Michael is killing every single fucker that thinks it’s even remotely okay to mess with you. Or talk to you. Or. Breathe in ur direction.

he’s just Extra Extra protective with an F/O like this haha

love this guy <3

Billy Loomis & Stu Macher

these boys will tease you so much about it !!

but...if anyone else tries anything they may or may not end up dead the next day :)

they can't do that to every person though because that would "raise suspicion" or whatever. they'll definitely be chewed out for making fun of their baby though >:(

Also!! Billy will encourage you to stand up for yourself. he loves you and he feels so GOOD being able to protect you from any harms but dammit Y/n :\\ it hurts him to see you shoved around like that

Stu will be embarrassing the hell out of you every pick-up line he gets!

“Feel my shirt,” he tells you. You look up with a muddled confusion.

“I’m sorry?” You squeak out. Stu’s mind briefly wanders, I wonder if there are any good mouse ones. . .cheese? Hmm— next time. Yeah.

“Feel it,” he tries again, holding the hem of his sweater out for you to touch. He wiggles his eyes at you and you can’t help but cover your face at his expression.

“C’mon,” he whines. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t like his little jokes but they’d been so consistent over the past few weeks. You’re boyfriend was a nutjob. But oh, did you love him. You laugh to yourself, feeling the fabric. It’s so soft- you want to bury your head in his chest. “Do you know what it’s made of?” You quirk a brow at him. ”Boyfriend material!” He grins, his whole aura beaming with a sunshine glow. The dust of pink and warmth on your cheeks blossom and you hide behind your hands, as Stu can’t help cracking himself up— finally covering your form in his. God, you were so cute when you were embarrassed.

Kurt Kunkle

Kurt loves doing those trendy couple tags and challenges- in hopes that'll help his channel grow and he'll get more recognition :)

he absolutely drags you into these...even if you don't want to

he shows you off a lot, which makes you so nervous !! but he's so proud and excited to call you his partner <333

He kind of just. Ignores your anxiety and pushes you out of your comfort zone. Like all the time. you'll be fine!!! He promises. C'mon! Join him! Pleasseeeeee !!!!

you still try your best to be patient with him though, even if he's not always really patient with you.

As for soft cuddly time with his precious, beautiful partner that deserves literally everything??? Oh baby, he's all over you.

He adores being allowed just. In your presence.

You're so sweet to him. He could drown in the warmth of your arms spread wide, clinging onto his body, fingers curling in the fabric of his tee-- cuddling like he's a big teddy. It's cute. He wishes he could see it from at outsiders pov

There will be no Kurt making you cry in this household !!! No, no...you poor darlins.

He totally messes up a lot though, and you'll tear up even at his mistakes.

He's recording an intro for his channel and his voice is a little too loud. It catches something more stern one night while playing Fort Nite on stream, jokingly calling out a commenter.

He won't rush to care for you right a way, but he'll awkwardly hold you in his arms and try to kiss away your tears <33

Kurt is a little wacky but he's also just suuuuuuch a fucking sweetie, cutie, whatever. All of the pet names 🥰

[rindough]

Hi! I'm so sorry if I'm being annoying because I just requested something before-

And I LOOOVED the headcanons you did for Me earlier. You are very talented ♡

May I request something with gojo where his s/o has a realistic nightmare about him dying and the reader not being able to help him? And then they just hold gojo, constantly saying I'm sorry and I love you,and just being super soft to him?

If you don't wanna do this, it's okay <33

having a nightmare about them

• character(s).  gojo satoru, fushiguro toji, geto suguru

• cw.  gn! reader, satoru part has changed!, mentions of weapons, vomit, blood, bittersweetness / angst at some parts

• notes.  HIMANIIIIII also this is wayyy overdued but im happy that u enjoyed my prev hc of him! also i hope u dont mind if i made some changes to your idea as i couldnt exactly get as much inspo as the one i wrote below... still either way hope u enjoyed it and once again im sorry for the changes!! oh ya and i decided to add more characters too! (sadly nanami's one doesnt come up in my brain for me :((( )

• master list!

—  GOJO SATORU

you feel the light taps of rain hit your skin, the place looks solemn with how dull the place has appeared thanks to the dark sky above. 

“’toru?” you muttered but to no avail. the same name bounces of your lips the moment you enter the building before you, then it bounces again and again off the grey walls within and into the corridor. 

was he outside? you walked back out from the nearest exit, still he was nowhere to be seen. thunder growls from above and you looked around, the streets were oddly empty as down the road it was filled with little cars... but where are the people? “’s like a ghost town,” you thought when you stepped back in, only to confuse yourself with the empty place again. 

“’toru? quit playing around!” 

the footsteps that clicks and clacks beneath you begins to weigh your heart down, he definitely might be a cheeky person, just... this seriously isn’t it. 

not when you almost yelled out his name in this new room covered in sickening white. 

a clock ticks and ticks inside of you when every corner and small divider was nothing but pure white — but the floor isn’t though! It is grey! but white, oh white just like his hair — god where the hell is he? it’s like the string in you is going to snap anytime soon now. 

did he decided to disappear from your life forever? did you do something wrong to him? anything he didn’t like? did his best friend get him like the theories he had laid out before you?

“please just appear right from the corner,” you begged silently with tears threatening to spill from your eyes. just a dumb jump scare from him was much preferable than this disgusting game you were in. 

“satoru? ‘toru where are you?” you sobbed, your throat almost dry from crying for god knows how long. with hands fumbling around the sheets you instead met with a pair of hands. he shushes you, before chuckling and pulling you into his embrace.

“i’m here, i’m here.” you sobs only grew but muffled by his warm chest, his hands rubbing circles around your back he doesn’t question the weird, unsettling dream you had immediately. 

“i’m sorry. i’m sorry.” you finally got to slip it out in between hiccups before breaking into a sob again. 

“what?” satoru was bewildered. “why?” 

this time whatever he thought was cute and funny disappear when your grip tightens around the hem of his shirt. “y/n...” 

“don’t leave, please.” his heart aches at the sight of you hugging him tightly.

“don’t worry, i won’t. i love you too much to ever do that.”

—  FUSHIGURO TOJI

the noise of hard wood knocking shakes the two of you awake, soon accompanied by your heavy beating heart. 

“open up the door!” a familiar voice booms into your dark room, you hadn’t done anything wrong — neither did the man beside you too that you know of. 

“shit,” you hear toji curse under his breath. shit? what does he mean? whatever question that was formed inside of your head turned to nothing as you could only focus on how off something had felt.

“y/n.” in a second from just beside you, now he had yanked you over to him near the closet. “whatever happens, y/n. do not open or come out. okay —” 

his voice gets cut off by the muffles and shuffles right outside of his door. your mouth opens, trying to protest but failed the moment your back hits the wall in your dark closet, knocking the air out of you. 

with wobbly hands you make your way near the small slit and much to your horror you watched as your husband gets dragged away by several men dressed in dark kimonos. his head covered with a rice bag as a man pointed him at knifepoint by his neck. 

you felt... pathetic. 

the whole time while you were with toji he had always protected you, yet something as simple as this? something capable for you or he but why couldn’t you do something? anything? why can’t you speak up? 

was it because he told you not to? 

but why wasn’t he doing something? why isn’t he doing anything? 

“if i were you, y/n. i’d drop him when i know he’s from the zen’in clan,” the familiar voice was much nearer this time, as if he was right beside you. you froze under his green gaze through the door gap, hands forming cold sweats at megumi’s chuckle. 

whatever he spoke next was incoherent since you couldn’t be bothered to listen to him anymore. you needed to save him. stubborn you were, you burst out only to be hold still by your stomach — a katana. “huh?” 

“huh?” your husband repeats after you, his eyebrows furrow before chuckling a little. “you had a nightmare, eh?” 

you remained silent, only letting the tears fall while you register every drag and ruffle of his warm hand against the back of your head after he had pulled you in for a hug. you hear him chuckle from above, still you don’t have the energy to hit him back in protest. 

“you can tell me later in the morning over breakfast. hm?”

—  GETO SUGURU

“‘guru? babe?” your desperate calls were of no use to stop the noises coming from the washroom. 

rushing, you froze in your spot at the black liquid spurts out of the raven’s lips which you waste no second gathering the back of his hair to support him. 

you remained silent, he usually wouldn’t vomit his guts out after swallowing dark balls of curses, which only makes this concerning for the two of you. 

the grip on his hair slowly falls apart yet you still tried to grab it again, waiting for him to finish and lift his head up. yet he didn’t, his figure remains bent as the shots of gut-wrenching noises went on and on into the toilet bowl. 

at this point he wasn’t going to come up, so with hesitance in fear of the smell you inch closer to his face the moment he pauses. your breath already held back in, yet for some reason you managed to hitch a breath as you let go of his hair at the sight.

your heart sank at the horrendous amount of crimson. 

“babe? babe? babe — BABE!” 

“Y/N!” 

your eyes broke open but they squint due to the sudden brightness and for once you felt that it was easier to breathe again. 

“‘guru...?” lips trembling, tears threaten to spill from the corners of your eyes at the sight of your fiancé by your side. a cup of water already prepared by his side.

“yea?” he whispers, his eyes searches into yours. “wanna talk about it?” 

solemnly you nodded, which he listens, his thumb never once stop grazing the back of your hand. 

“i’ve never vomited before — wait i did, once, as a kid since i was new to it.” he shrugs, turning to look at you, a smile makes his way to his lips. “don’t worry, i doubt it’ll be that way.” 

maybe it’s best not to tell you the possibility of it at all.

©  2022 rindough, do not repost or plagiarize.

[stratuscloudsurfer]

Ok. But thinking about the hell Kid Ingo must be going through with his brother missing. The argument is probably the biggest one they’ve ever had. And at first Ingo is not sorry and thinks the argument is Emmet’s fault. Emmet storming out of the house was childish; but he’ll be back.

Except, he doesn’t come back. Day turns into evening and Emmet doesn’t come back for dinner. Nobody’s seen him since sometime in the morning. By nightfall a search party has been formed by police and concerned neighbors. Maybe joined by a helpful traveling trainer or two.

Not sure where the boys live, but I’m imagining a small town surrounded by woods, which the kids are generally forbidden from exploring because dangerous Pokémon live in it. At least not without a partner Pokemon to protect them but even then it’d be risky unless said partner is well trained. The town is searched throughly but there is no sign of him. It is thought that he might have ran away into the woods, so the search expands to look for him there.

I imagine that at this age Emmet at least has his Tynamo. But it’s debatable if Emmet had it on him or not when he stormed out of the house. If not there’s the frantic thought that he’s out there defenseless. If yes, I imagine Tynamo was left behind when Emmet was sucked into the past and is found frantically crying out and searching for him, having maybe even witnessed what happened. It looks a little scuffed up and adults come to the conclusion Emmet was attacked by a wild Pokémon and Tynamo wasn’t enough to protect him.

At first there is hope he will be found quickly but a few days go by with no sign of him anywhere. It is generally assumed he met an unfortunate end and talks of holding a funeral start cropping up.

Ingo, in the midst of all this, starts getting referred to as Emmet’s brother, which gives him a taste of some of the things that lead to the argument from Emmet’s side.

Ingo is, of course, frantic with worry and now feels like the argument was all his fault. That it’s his fault Emmet is missing. His brother might be gone forever and the last thing Ingo said to him was that he hated him.

The reason Ingo might initially seek out Celebi is not to find his brother, but try to prevent the argument that lead to him storming out of the house to begin with.

OH MY GOD THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING

Buckle up y’all this is gonna be a long one

Ok so. Maybe Kid Ingo didn’t mean to go to the future at all. Maybe it was a mistake. He found Celebi but essentially has no idea how time travel is actually supposed to, you know, work. He intends to simply turn back time to a week in the past and prevent the argument but ends up accidentally jumping 20 years in the future instead.

He somehow ends up in Gear Station in modern-day Nimbasa City. He is completely disoriented and almost gets hit by an oncoming train in the first five minutes of being there because he appeared on the tracks. He knows immediately that he’s made a big mistake and is completely terrified because he doesn’t know where he is or even what year it is.

He ends up wandering around the station like a lost puppy for a while trying to get his bearings but it’s big and confusing and he doesn’t know his way out. There are plenty of people there but he is too scared to ask for directions because he knows he’ll sound crazy. All the while he can’t stop thinking about what he’s done. He doesn’t know how he got here; what if he can’t get back home? Why did he think this was a good idea in the first place? Oh god—what about his mother? When she discovers he’s gone she is going to be heartbroken because now she’s lost both of her twin sons, and how could he do that to her?

Eventually he becomes so confused and overwhelmed that he sits down on a bench and is about to start bawling into his hands when he spots a man in a white conductor uniform. When he sees him, something clicks in his mind. Somehow, this man looks familiar, and Ingo desperately wants to talk to him. He’s heading somewhere, and Ingo doesn’t know why, but he decides to follow.

He must be getting off for the day because Ingo follows him out of the station and into the streets of Nimbasa City. The sky is the dark shade of navy that it is just before fading into black, but the streets are well lit with colorful neon lights. Ingo doesn’t know what time it is; he doesn’t have a watch—but he finds it astonishing how many people are out in the streets at such an obviously late hour. He can hardly follow where the man goes in the crowd, but thankfully he is pretty recognizable so when he loses him he finds him again fairly quickly.

He follows him all the way until he digs a key into the door of a second-story apartment about a block from the station and disappears inside.

Ingo waits for a few minutes behind a hedge in indecision. His gut instinct is to go up and knock on the door until the man answers. But… what is he going to say to him? Why does he expect that this random guy can help him at all?

The sky is completely dark by the time that he decides to go with his gut. Besides, it’s not like he has much to lose at this point.

He knocks. And knocks. And knocks. After a couple minutes pass he wonders if he should stop. The man is probably suspects he’s trying to sell him something and doesn’t want to answer. He should probably give up and start thinking about how he’s going to get himself out of this mess.

He is just about to do just that when the door flies open.

“I told you already, I don’t want to—“ the man stops mid-sentence, shifting his eyes down. His eyes widen and his mouth falls open.

It’s then that Ingo finally figures out why he looks familiar. He is older, sure, but he’d recognize his eyes anywhere. It’s like looking into a mirror, after all.

“Emmet?” He asks, although he already knows.

“I… I am Emmet,” he stammers. “And you’re Ingo… and… what are you doing here?!”

Ingo considers the question but he doesn’t really know how to answer, and besides, he is too busy analyzing adult Emmet. He thinks finding him is a good thing, because if he’s an adult that must mean that he didn’t die out in the woods, right?

That or he is really, truly in neck deep trouble because he’s landed himself in an alternate universe.

A familiar smile stretches across his face. It looks a bit forced to Ingo. “You must be verrry tired,” he says, even though Ingo still hasn’t answered his question yet. “Why don’t you come in?”

Ingo accepts his offer, and steps into the apartment. As he’s looking around, adult Emmet turns off the tv in the living room, hastily discards several newspapers in the trash, and invites him to sit down on the couch. As soon as he does, he says, “Alright. This is the part where you tell me how you got here.”

Ingo is careful about phrasing how he found his way here. He tells Emmet that he was looking for him, that he found Celebi in the woods, and, thinking that it might be able to help him, used it to get here. He expresses how worried he and his mom are and how sorry he is for driving him away that night. He leaves out the part about him having no idea how he got here and equally no idea how to get back.

“Okay, look.” Emmet says once he’s done. “I appreciate you trying to find me. Really, I do. But here’s what’s going to happen. You’re going to use that Celebi of yours to go back to where you came from. Wait a couple weeks and see what happens. Got it?”

While the words sink in, the fear and confusion that has been stewing in his chest all evening rises to the surface, and Ingo’s lip begins to tremble. Emmet notices the change in his expression almost immediately, and he’s just starting to say, “Oh no… don’t cry—“ when Ingo bursts into tears.

Emmet moves to sit next to him on the couch, and rubs his back and hands him tissues as he manages a blubbery confession in between bouts of hiccups and sobs. “T-the truth is… I-I have… no idea how to get back,” he says. “I’ve made a terrible mistake, and… and I don’t know if it c-can be fixed.”

“It can be fixed,” Emmet promises him. “It can always be fixed. And I’m going to help you fix it, okay? So don’t cry.”

This time when Emmet smiles, Ingo matches it with a wobbly smile of his own through a haze of tears. Emmet hugs him to his chest and Ingo buries his face in his shirt.

“We’re going to figure this out,” he promises. “Together.”

Ingo believes him.