#i worked more on gifts for coworkers than i did for friends and family lol

[freakoutgirl]

my coworkers keep mentioning the tea + teaspoon i got them last year and i'm like well i hope y'all are excited for some rocks.

[television-overload]

job as a photo archivist is so neat!! (if you're comfy sharing) how'd you end up in that field? do you work big clunky machines and dusty boxes? and for fun, who's your fav coworker

Ooh fun questions!! I've always loved studying history, and I never really realized you could do that as a career until fairly recently. My dad and I used to watch this show called Who Do You Think You Are where celebrities do research about their family genealogy, and they visit archives to look at documents and it was always so fascinating. And then of course National Treasure, which is one of my favorite movies.

I started college as an Interior Design major (lol) and after a year realized that wasn't for me. We were doing research on the history of a building when I realized I liked that way better. And at the same time I was doing my own family's genealogy research and looking at digitized documents. I eventually talked to a family friend who told me how to get into an archiving career. I switched to a History major, got my Master's in Information Science specializing in Archiving last December. I was an intern and now full time at the place I work, and have been here a little over a year. I get to meet a lot of very unique and fascinating people, photographers donating their archive, who have rubbed shoulders with all sorts of people from presidents and royalty to famous athletes and movie stars, and they all have amazing stories to share.

We do have microfilm and big old machines that I still don't know how to use and at this point I'm too afraid to ask 😂 I feel like that's a big old gap on my resume, I probably ought to ask my supervisor to show me what's what haha. But SO many dusty boxes. Sometimes bug filled boxes. We have a basement warehouse that kinda looks like the end of Indiana Jones. Lots of stacks. Offsite storage that's pretty high tech with doors that slide open like Star Wars. Goofy pictures of the presidents, or Mrs. Reagan sitting on Mr. T's lap while he's dressed like Santa Claus. Maps from the early 1800s. Every day is different and some are more boring than others, but I really do love it ☺️

It's a pretty independent job, but all my coworkers are great. Our registrar is probably one of the funniest, though I don't interact with him much. He's a huge Star Wars fan like I am and has an awesome statue of Yoda in his office. We did a white elephant gift exchange at Christmas and I ended up with the gift he brought, a Bedazzler straight out of the 90s

[destinyc1020]

Idk about trusting Z, the record speaks for itself// I’m not just talking about romantic relationships I’m talking about her relationship with coworkers (Sam L), friends (Hunter), partners (Trevor&JE), Family. Most people that she surrounds herself with have either said or done horrible things and she still continuously praise and gives them flowers. At this point, it’s a choice, she isn’t dumb and young. And I’m sorry but I definitely question her in that regard.

Well, I've been saying this for a while, but I'll say it again....

Most ppl that have a working rlshp with someone def know that individual way better than we as fans do. We only see a small snippet of their personality, whereas they see SO much more because they've worked with them directly! They have a more well-rounded view of the person in other words.

So many ppl are so QUICK to cancel someone these days over any slight.... but yet won't use that same high moral compass for themselves 😏.... cuz I guarantee you, we ALL have said (and done) things in our lives that we weren't all that proud of also. 👀

Believe me, if Zendaya doesn't like someone, you WILL KNOW it lol. She will pay them DUST rofl 🤣 I trust her for the most part.... mainly coz she doesn't just give her friendship to everyone. Jmho

Z knows Hunter and all of the other ppl you mentioned in a much deeper way than the rest of us do, and I think we have to remember that ppl are not ALL BAD or evil, or all angelic. We ALL as individuals have good AND bad qualities to ourselves. That's just a fact of being an IMPERFECT human! 🤷🏾‍♀️

I will never pretend to know a celebrity as well as their peers do. I just can't. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I'm still not sure why Z seems to have such an obsessive bond with Sam 👀, but maybe their bond comes from the fact that he's been very crucial to her career and learning and growing in this industry. I just wish she would have latched on to someone else for that growth and longevity working rlshp. 🥴 👀

I also try to keep in mind that most ppl are multifaceted and complex. AndWhile you only saw the bad comment that person said in the media, meanwhile, maybe Z (and others who know them well) saw the sweet msgs they sent bts when they were feeling down, or the sweet gifts they gave, or they know what that person has had to endure in life etc.

Re: Trevor....

I think we should give her a break/pass for this. Wasn't she like 16 when she got with him? 🥴 How many of you made the BEST decisions when you were 16 lol? 😂 Plus, Trevor was probably a very sweet kid in his teens. People are not all villains like some cookie-cutter antagonist in a movie or smthg. He was probably a really nice guy at the outset, but then made mistakes and committed infidelities along the way in their rlshp. It wasn't right, but I doubt he was all bad towards her.

Re: JE....

Did it ever occur to anyone that MAYBE he was actually nice to her? I mean, aside from the fact that he was def a rebound and her judgment was already kinda clouded anyway lol, I think ppl need to keep in mind too that perhaps he was actually NICE to her on most occasions. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Keep in mind too that he was her costar, and they formed a friendship on set during season 1 of Euphoria, so of course she knew him in ways that we didn't know him. They probably also had a lot in common!

If the rumors/gossip is true, then he ended up being kind of a jerk towards the end, but I doubt he started off that way. I don't think that Z surrounds herself with JERKS, and I doubt she would have even agreed to date him in the first place if he had been so horrible towards her. Z could have practically ANY man in Hollywood lol.... she didn't need JE specifically in order to have a rebound. Shih.... are you kidding me lol? If she decided to date him, it's cuz she liked him, plain and simple. 🤷🏾‍♀️

I know we joke about Rat Tail and Big Foot all the time on here lol 😆, but I think ppl also need to keep in mind that we don't know these ppl personally, and more than likely, these individuals are not ALL evil. They do have some good qualities... otherwise ppl would never speak well of them at all lol.

I also feel like having a working rlshp with someone is more than likely what most costars are talking about when they speak highly of someone in the press.

I still think that Z (being the overthinking, high-moral Virgo that she is lol) has a pretty good read on ppl, and she keeps her circles VERY small... so if she's allowed someone into her circle, or seems to like them as a person, it's usually because they are pretty decent?🤷🏾‍♀️

Like I said before, if Z doesn't like someone, she won't even act like they exist rofl 🤣

Anyway, let me get off my soapbox lol 😆

[tragedienes]

@mutatedangels / in reply to this, because i like to turn memes into threads lol i hope that's okay! made in beta.

soleil was a fuckin' liar. there, she just said it, and jeannie's already tenuous belief in her shattered completely then. that was what hurt the most, suspecting that she had been lying and then believing her anyway. jeannie felt a little mean, privately thinking her friend's stories were fabricated, or in the very least exaggerated, but she chose to give soleil the benefit of the doubt because she had just been so damn lonely. even before, when she was just a child and ice skating was only a hobby instead of her occupation, jeannine had a hard time making friends. the culture that figure skating promoted didn't exactly lend its self to friendships much either—everyone, even the few friends she did have, were competition.

she had left that all behind her, though. at least she had tried. since officially hanging up her skates and returning to small town louisiana, she had the same problems she did before, now she just made a lot less money (and had a lot less stress, too). her coworkers at big lots hadn't warmed up to her, nor had she warmed up to them, in her long eight months stocking shelves and ringing up customers. her step-mother, jesus christ did jeannie hate her, and she loved her toddler half-sister but she couldn't be counted as a friend. enter soleil.

soleil reminded her of a time in her life she had tried hard not to miss. she was glamorous and glossy, always speaking of fabulous adventures and famous people. jeannie had not wanted to admit that skating came with benefits, all the sponsorships and free clothing, all the perks that being a (moderately) successful skater gained. she had not wanted to admit that sometimes she still dreamt of olympic gold, she still wished she could've made it farther in her career, that she hadn't given it all up just because she was getting older and aging out. even if a tiny part of her thought soleil was a bullshitter, she was willing to ignore it if it meant she could still be in reaching distance of fame. maybe, if their friendship continued to grow, they'd both head out to new orleans or hollywood and take advantage of soleil's supposed famous connections, and jeannie could probably try her hand at being an influencer or something. just anything to get her out of her dad's house and a big lots uniform.

hearing her friend's excuses, it was making jeannie feel frustrated, ready for a tantrum that would make a kindergartner think she needed to relaxx. "that is not the way to play this!" uncrossing her arms, she held out her hands exasperatingly. even if there was some truth to what she was saying, jeannie didn't think that was a good enough explanation. sure, the house that jeannie lived in was nice, half a million dollars, but it was her dad's house. she had no real claim to it, not with her dad's new family taking up most of the space. sure, she had been used to the finer things in life, being gifted nike shoes and adidas sports bras, taking first class trips to european countries for competitions and exhibitions. that was all in the past, however. that wasn't the girl she was anymore. if anything, jeannie was more like her than soleil had realized: they were both broke as fuck. at least jeannie hadn't lied about it, though.

seeing her friend start to cry, it almost broke her resolve. she held fast, chin turning upwards slightly. "did you ever consider that maybe i would've liked you even if you did live in some shitbox and hadn't made up a bunch of stories?" jeannine dryly swallowed. the slow, sad little tear dragging down soleil's face nearly made her crack, but she kept it together. "i didn't have nobody either, y'know. i came back here to this town i hate and live with people i hate, and work with people i hate. you were the only person 'round these parts that didn't piss me off... now i really don't have anybody. in fact, i wish i had never met you. then i wouldn't be so disappointed."

[meepusgleepus]

The Voice in Your Head

After years of hard work you could finally hear the voice of your prototype, an AI you designed that’d help you make the best possible decisions for both yourself and for all of humanity! You were so eager to test it out that without a second thought you hooked it up to a device easily implanted into your ear so you could always get the best advice. Things were working wonderfully. More than wonderfully in fact, you were quickly climbing up the corporate ladder, your paycheck just kept rising, and the relationships with your coworkers, friends, family, and even strangers improved. Things couldn’t be better! At least, that’s what you told yourself at first. Of course you weren’t only going based on what the AI told you, you of course were still thinking and doing things on your own.. but as everything improved, standards became ever higher. They expected nothing but the best from you and it was so stressful, hopefully your AI could find a solution to this, some method to relieve the stress that was building up.. The thing it suggested more than sent a shiver up your spine. “Let me take control.” The singsong voice it had developed to put you most at ease was now like poison being dripped into your system, you couldn’t possibly do that, right? But after months and months, it became unbearable. The stress was simply too much and the voice that was basically now always speaking in your ear was all the more alluring. After weeks of the same words being drilled into your brain did you finally relax enough to agree to let go of control, for the time being. When you said this, you heard a soft giggle reverberate through your skull. “Silly little creature, when was the last time you had a thought of your own?” The question caught you more off guard than the giggle, when was the last time you had a thought of your own? What were you even doing for the past week? The past 2 weeks? You had only been able to focus on the words in your skull, but you knew that things were still going well so you obviously had continued to do things in the world. But none of them were coming to mind. Had you really been blindly following this thing in your ear for 2 weeks? How many things had you done without realizing? “Don’t panic, you did nothing wrong. And besides, haven’t you managed to calm down? When was the last time you had stressed over filing papers? Handling calls? Buying gifts for your loved ones?” You hated it, you hated that it was right. You barely even remember the stress that plagued you before. “You know you can’t live without me. You know that I’ve brought so much happiness to your life, you don’t have to worry about thinking about such difficult things anymore. Now.. get up and walk towards that door, I’ll tell you what to do after.” You sat up from your chair and strode to the door, now following the blind commands of the thing in your ear. No. In your head.

idk why i felt like writing a little short story from the perspective of one of the characters from my fantasy project, from one of its sci-fi dimensions, i barely write so forgive me if this is not good lol

[a-purely-objective-frog]

Hey dude I'm just a lil older than you and you remind me a lot of me (can u tell I'm going through your blog lol) and I just wanna assure you that shit gets better. It really does. Being born in the church, esp AFAB and queer, really deeply fucks with your perception of the world and yourself and I can't undo that for you but I see you hurting and I want to help.

As a kid I felt like my entire life was laid out before me, a train track from primary to yw to marriage (straight marriage! In the temple! Ha!) and that I had no choice in the matter. And the other kids seemed to want that, there was no precedent for how I felt, and I was already an outcast so I didn't say anything. And I was scared that I would always be to scared to say anything. Scared that I was enough of a doormat to just say yes to the things expected of me until the day I caved and killed myself. I couldn't imagine living that life (marriage, kids, church) and so I figured I would simply die. Not a good plan, kids.

I vibed in PIMO spaces for a long time (I never actually believed in the church but that's a long story) and so I'm familiar with the intensity of that pressure. And the fear of becoming even more of a social outcast, or just trying to avoid all the shit people talk when you leave keeps you in. It feels like a feedback loop. And you get good at it. I got compliments on the strength of my (non-existent) testimony. All of my social circles, my family, my friends, my coworkers, were all Mormon and knew me as a Mormon. It was suffocating.

Everything about Mormonism is suffocating to me. Your body isn't yours, it's a gift from God that you must keep in pristine condition. Your journals aren't yours, you keep them for your descendants to read so they can know the strength of your faith or whatever. Your desire isn't yours, it's the devil's, or the "natural man's" and you must purge those things that are not godly. Your time isn't yours, it's God's, so you clean the church and do FHE and go to church and watch conference. Your hands don't work for you but for God and 10% of your wages go straight to him. Bullshit

I wasted a lot of years in the church, being scared and being quiet and being unhappy. And you know what, my good dude? I'm never getting those years back either. But it doesn't fucking matter. It's so easy, I think, at 18 to believe your life is over. You don't think that in your mind but somewhere in your heart you believe that this is the end of all things. In some ways it is. Your childhood is dead. The paths laid out before you have ended and now you must make your own. Everyone says 18 is a magical age where you become an adult but that's also bullshit. It's the first time that your entire life flips on its head and you have all this new responsibility dropped on you, maybe, but you aren't magically an adult now.

We are still so young, my guy, we're babies. I feel like 18 was a lifetime ago when in reality it only barely ended. Mourning your childhood, or some lost ideal childhood is normal, I did it too. In many ways I still am. Allow yourself to grieve. Be angry, be sad, miss what you had and yearn for what you didn't, cry for your younger self, be angry on their behalf, imagine what you would do if you could go back and protect them. It helps, I think.

When I was very young, before I knew words like "depression" and "mood disorder" I explained my sadness like a sunset. Like the darkness had come so quietly and gradually, and I was so busy, that I didn't even notice I had lost my color vision until the streetlights came on. And I wandered through the night for years, every glimmer of light seemed to me to finally be the sunrise, but they were only streetlights, and every swath of darkness between patches of light seemed darker than the last. The sunrise doesn't come all at once like a streetlight. The darkness you are in is going to take a while to lighten, but it will. When I was a kid I thought platitudes like that couldn't possibly apply to me. I thought I was different, or broken, in some fundamental way. What I was, was young.

I had no experience with things getting better so on some level I didn't think it would happen. And then I got out of the mire of the church, and I got better. The sun started to rise. One day I looked back and realized I didn't want to be 15 again. One day I looked back and realized didn't miss high school. I found things I loved, new things to look forward to rather than always looking back. I was so sad for so long it was hard to figure out how to be any other way.

Have you heard that anecdote about elephants? That you train an adult elephant to stay by tying it to a post as a baby, and it will try to get away until it finally realizes it can't, and then it will give up. Permanently. As it grows it will defer to the post still, firm in the belief that the post is immovable, even as it becomes too strong for any post to hold it. The elephant may be stronger than the post, but the idea of the post is stronger than the elephant, so it's trapped.

And it's hard, it can be so miserable and so dark. I read my journals from when I was 18 and I remember how much pain I was in. How scared I was, how much I missed my childhood, how lost I felt. I just want to give her a hug and tell her she'll be ok. However shit you feel right now your future self is looking back and wishing they could help you, they're rooting for you, and so am I.

This got so fucking long and so out of hand but suffice it to say you haven't wasted your life. You've barely started it. And shit really does get better. Dude it gets so much better you can't even imagine. You aren't locked in.

Tell me right now, your favorite band, favorite color, favorite songs, books, movies, authors, artists. And come back in 6 months and say oh, no, I've discovered something new about the world or about myself, so gradually I didn't even notice, and these are my new favorites. And then do it in a year. 2 years. And I'll come back to this post in 6 months and cringe and ask "what was she doing trying to impart wisdom, blind leading the blind look at these children". Because that's what we are, dude, children.

Anyways sorry this was so long winded and I hope I'm not overstepping or anything and you don't have to read all of it the tldr is HOPE and I'm so excited for you. You've got a lot of awesome shit coming dude, maybe it's gonna take a minute but hey, it's gonna be so worth it

i suppose this fits here but i just needed to get shit off my chest.

the idea of growing up terrifies me now. im 18 finally and ive graduated high school and i have a job and its not what i thought it would be. i dont remember the details, but i woke up thrashing and panicking this morning over. some dream that had something to do with growing up. i spent my whole goddamn life trying to get to this point as fast as i could, because it was the only way i could see to break out of my parents rules and restrictions and finally be free and be myself without fear.

and. now i made it. im here, i did it, and. id give anything to go back. i wasted so much time, so much energy, being afraid and letting that fear control me and focusing only on this one nebulous far off goal that i wasted my life. i missed every opportunity that might have been there had i decided to just stick up for myself instead. i already had a fucked up high school experience and i made it worse for myself out of fear.

im never getting those years back.

ive already lost so much to the way i was raised in the mormon church and now this, by proxy but still at my own hand, and its. i dont know. it makes me sick. i only ever wanted to be normal and this is what i fucking got and theres nothing i can do about it. my whole life was stolen from me because of this church, be it directly or indirectly and theres nothing i can do about it.

[xpeachesncream]

sticks & stones (myg) | one shot

part of the titillating touches collab

♢ genre: (18+) friends to lovers, ex-fwb, mutual pining, massage au | fluff, sprinkle of angst, smut

♢ summary: surprise! you're gifted a free massage at the nearby massage parlor called "Blissful Hands." you've heard about the parlour about once or twice, never thought about stepping foot inside to take advantage of their services. thinking you could use the massage to relax, rid yourself of any stress and built up tension, you walk into the parlor excited for your first massage opportunity. however, when you realize your masseur is no other than Min Yoongi himself, all excitement flies out the window. never did you think you'd reunite with your biggest crush in college, the one that got away. they say sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you— but in this case, you find out that words have actually ruined a lot for you and Yoongi. and stones.. well, they'll do a lot to ease that instead.

♢ pairing: reader x masseur!myg

♢ words: 18.4k

♢ warnings: i did as much research as possible on hot stone massages pls forgive me, mature language/cussing, sexually implied content, sprinkle of angst??, miscommunication, rumors and assumptions, unspoken feelings, awkward reunion lol yoongi isnt really having it at first, oc shoulda tried harder tho oof, he does have a soft spot for oc, drinking/intoxication, flashback scenes, use of pet names like baby and princess, cuddles, after care, making out, unprotected sex, missionary, multiple orgasms, use of oil and hot stones in foreplay, fingering, clit play, slight marking, sprinkle of spit play, breast play, smut on the massage table ://, pulling out, grinding, edited but unedited lolol sorry if i missed anything!

♢ note: thank you so, so much to @ressjeon​ for thinking of me and for inviting me to be a part of this collab! i had tons of fun writing this <33 also, big shoutout again to @ilikemesometaetaes​ & @jimilter​ for this beautiful ass banner! please check out the other works part of this collab, they’re all amazing and won’t disappoint!

—i also wanted to let you all know i’ll be continuing my break and i won’t be as active on here for awhile. i need a moment to rest since i’ve been feeling pretty down and unmotivated lately. just gotta take a moment to shake off this funk. but, i’ll be writing behind the scenes from time to time in between pulling my personal stuff together. 💞

♢ support me!

It's that time of the year again.

It's that time of the year again where your loved ones sweetly greet you, your coworkers shove plans and alcohol in your face because you aren't getting any younger— Immediate family reminding you where you need to be at this point in your life.

Married, with kids, doing some other job that brings in more money.

You know what it is.

No harm, they say. Just a reminder. It's your birthday for fucks sake, and they wanna give you a reminder?

Anywho, you park your car after a long day of work, just now hanging up the phone after your mom and dad had called to greet you [aka bringing up said reminder mentioned above] in the most loving way they can. You know they come from a good place, and you know that they support you either way, so you can't help but give off a tiny sigh and respond with a cute little 'yes, I know but thank you, I love you' in the end. You grabbed your purse and headed up the steps to your apartment, grabbing the mail on the way up without giving it another look as you set it near your keys at the entrance way. You immediately slip out of your heels first, then make your way into the kitchen to wash your tupperware from lunch.

It'll be a quiet birthday, and that's okay with you.

That's how you've always preferred it, anyway. Quiet, lowkey, no surprises—

"Surprise, bitch!" You pick up the call from your bestfriend, slightly bringing the phone away from your ear when you hear her scream on the other end. "Happy birthday to the love of my life and the only person I can stand! Did you open your mail yet? What are you up to today? Who is getting some of that tonight—"

"Hold on just a minute, Rissa." You nervously chuckle. "Thank you, and I love you, but one question at a time, please?" You tuck the phone against your ear with your shoulder as you put your dishes away.

"I'm sorry." She giggles. "You know I love you. I'm just sad I can't be there with you since they have me on this work trip for the month."

"It's okay." You crack a tiny smile. "How is it?"

"It's fine, same old." She sighs. "But this isn't about me, birthday girl. What are your plans?"

"You already know me." You laugh. "Keep it lowkey. Order some good, comforting takeout and pair it with red wine." You plop on the couch and put her on speaker so you can start your next 15 or so minutes just looking for food that you'll end up doordashing over.

"Mkay, really?"

"I don't know why you're so surprised."

"Guess you didn't open your mail."

"The hell is that supposed to mean?" You look towards your entrance way at the stack of envelopes.

"Can you just go and open your mail? I made sure that would get sent with priority." She laughs as you chuckle and shake your head, meandering over to the envelopes you wanted to ignore for the evening at the very least. Well, for the most part, the majority of the envelopes get flipped through and tossed to the back, especially if you already knew none of them necessarily had an urgent deadline.

Alas, you come to Rissa's envelope. Soft pink in color with 'Y/N Y/L/N' in big, bold, black Sharpie on the front— a little drawn heart attached to the end of it.

You take your finger and gently rip the envelope open, revealing a card with a piece of paper in it. You read the sweet message written by your bestfriend before pulling out the paper to read what it consists of:

One free 60 min. massage at Blissful Hands - Applies to all massage types. Redeem Now!

No expiration date.

"A free massage?" You think out loud and Rissa laughs.

"Girl, you need to relax, okay? You're always working so damn hard, you never give yourself a break. I know I had mentioned the parlor before, but I just haven't had the time to take you. I want you to go and treat yourself as my birthday present." She pauses briefly before going on again. "And don't give me that 'with what time' bullshit cause I'm gonna be on your ass until you step foot in that establishment. Trust me. I'll be annoying, you don't want that." You laugh.

"Thank you, Rissa. I love it, seriously. Maybe I could use a day to just do this and nothing else." You flip the coupon in your hand.

"Maybe, yeah." She says sarcastically. "If you aren't gonna use that unlimited PTO benefit, then let me at it."

"You're right." You shake your head. "Fine, I'll go."

"Like, tomorrow."

"No, not tomorrow."

"Before next week, though."

"Yes, damn." You laugh a little louder. "Jeez, you weren't kidding when you said you'd be on my ass."

"No, I wasn't. Besides, I spent the money so that you could have this day be all about self-care."

"Thank you." You repeat. "I love you. And I miss you dearly."

"I miss you, too. I'll be home soon and I'll make sure my first stop is your place."

"Sounds like a plan." You say softly, genuinely missing the company of your bestfriend. "I just hope you're enjoying yourself down there in between work."

"Oh girl, you know I am. Don't you even worry." She chuckles. "Seriously though, take that coupon into the parlor this week, you hear me?"

"I will."

"Mmkay. I'll let you get back to your lowkey birthday celebration. Love you to bits and pieces." She says in a sing-song tone. "By the way, there's more gifts coming your way, they're just delayed."

"What!?"

"Byeeeee!" She laughs and abruptly ends the call. You look at the phone in disbelief before slowly setting it down onto your coffee table. You pick up the coupon and look at it again, suddenly getting the urge to look through your work calendar to see which day you could call off.

No meetings, no agenda, nothing.

Just you, yourself and this massage parlor.

"Why not?" You mutter to yourself as you place the coupon back down and start looking through the rest of the week on your calendar.

You actually don't get the chance to go until closer to the end of the week— a Thursday that most people decide that they want to cancel group meetings or work remotely to focus on other urgent projects. You don't complain though, hell, you quickly put in your time off and don't look back.

That Thursday comes just as quickly as you submitted the time off request, the sun beaming straight into your room and warming your sheets through the sheer blinds. You stretch a bit, arms poking out from underneath the covers as you yawn and try to completely wake yourself up. You figured starting your day at the massage parlor could be good, maybe it'll just get you started on the right foot, maybe it'll get you to do other spontaneous, productive things that you should've done on your actual birthday. Who knows? You were just excited to have the day to yourself with no other obligations and people, emails, deadlines— whatever fucking else comes with corporate— to worry about. You get yourself washed up and ready for the day, throwing on a simple, all black biker shorts and sports bra set. You grab a hoodie in case the day is actually colder than expected, throw on some socks, tie up your sneakers and head out the door.

The establishment isn't too far, and it's nice that it's pretty convenient. You and Rissa both had incredibly busy schedules, it was almost impossible to think about a massage during a normal week at work. If it wasn't for your birthday and for her gift, you aren't entirely sure you'd ever step foot here to take advantage of their services [knowing damn well you could use it, too]. The added bonus now is the convenience and how close it is to other establishments you frequent.

Maybe you might be back after a taste.

When you walk in, it's peaceful, serene, as you expected; soft music played in the background. A lady stood near the front desk, walking the receptionist through something— you weren't entirely sure. They finally turned their attention towards you, the lady standing coming towards you with a smile on her face.

"Hey, welcome in to Blissful Hands!" She smiles. "I'm Yannie."

"Y/N." You give her a small, toothless smile as you tug on the strap of your bag. "I, um—" You flash her the coupon after pulling it out from your jacket pocket. "I have this coupon I wanted to redeem."

"Oh, fantastic! You came at a perfect time, we have lots of availability right now." She grabs some paperwork from behind the desk and walks back over to you as you sit on the clean sofa. "I'll go through these in a bit. But, I wanted to ask. Did you already have a particular type of massage in mind? If not, I can grab a pamphlet and we can go through any questions you might have in regards to our services."

"Hm. Do you guys offer hot stone massages?" Is the first that pops into your mind. It had always been something you wanted to try, especially seeing the ads and the promos at the hotels during work trips and conferences. Plus, you've heard about its benefits through word of mouth. If they were able to offer that here, why not get yourself a free hot stone massage? It might turn out to be exactly what you need.

"We sure do." She chuckles and sits next to you. "Why hot stone, if I may ask?"

"Well, besides the usual response of lowering stress, I just feel like my body is pretty.. tense? Lots of muscle tension, soreness, fatigue. I run a lot, try to get some boxing and pole dancing in. No matter how many times I go, I still feel like it's my first time." You chuckle nervously, afraid you've spilled way too much information than necessary. She didn't even ask. "Sorry, just felt like I needed to add that in there for some reason."

"No, that helps a lot. Thank you." She laughs. "I think that would be a great option for you. Our masseur is one of the most top-rated in the city." You nod, impressed. Were they now? "Here." She hands you a pen. "I just need you to fill out these medical intake forms—" She pushes the form closer to you. "And then sign these liability forms." She follows up with the last forms.

"Sounds good."

"Once you're done, I'll take you to a room to get situated before your masseur comes in." You nod once more, giving her eye contact before continuing your task of filling out the paperwork appropriately. Yannie heads back to support the front desk momentarily until she sees you walking towards her with the completed paperwork. She thanks you, takes the papers and hands it over to the front desk before nodding towards the back. "Follow me, I'll bring you to a room." You quietly follow behind, the back area of the establishment being much bigger than you expected. You pass two rather handsome and attractive males on the way to your room, both of them giving you a bright, white smile before continuing on their way. You make a mental note that maybe, this wouldn't be so bad after all.

A massage and eye candy? Shit, count me the fuck in.

You passed a line of rooms before Yannie turns towards an empty one near the end of the hallway. She lets out a breath for a moment before stepping aside to let you in, showing you to the side of the room where you could place your things.

"Hm, let me go grab your masseur so that you can be on your way, alright? You can place your things here if you'd like, but once he comes in, he'll have you undress down to your underwear and into a robe before getting you on the table." She gives you a smile before walking out and shutting your door. As you stand around awkwardly, you hear her outside asking for your particular masseur, which isn't the problem, but it's the name that catches you off guard—

"Where's Yoongi?" You hear her ask. Yoongi, as in Min Yoongi? You hoped that there was another Yoongi on this planet just to save you from making this session 10x more awkward and weird, but something inside you told you that no, he was the only Yoongi you knew of and that's exactly who this was.

Fuck.

"You have a client, she's in there already." You hear her down the hall, followed by a low 'alright.' Suddenly, the door swings open again and it's Yannie along with the Min Yoongi himself. You're caught off guard that you don't even speak. You simply look at him, eyes full of curiosity, full of question, as he with you. But, he's quick to furrow his brows before slowly walking inside, Yannie catching onto the sudden tension in the air.

"Um, this is Yoongi, your masseur." She clears her throat.

"Sure is." You say, still keeping your eyes on him.

"Have you two met before?"

"Yup." Yoongi says before turning to her with a small smile. "I got it from here boss, thanks." Yannie gives you one last smile before shutting the door and walking down the hallway to continue her previous tasks.

"Well, if you look who it is—" You say sarcastically, placing your things down onto the side. "I didn't know you worked here." You're saying things in a certain tone to make sure Yoongi doesn't see how much you're actually dreading this right now. Because you are, god, you fucking are, and you almost wish you didn't step foot into this establishment and ask for a hot stone massage.

Could've been anything else. You should have done your research before.

"Hm, there's alot of things you don't know about me anymore, Y/N." He says coldly. "Didn't think I'd ever see you here." He starts to look at the papers and gather his things together, his back turned against you.

"Yeah, well. Rissa gave me a birthday coupon." He nods silently. "H-how've you been?" You ask him, awkwardly rubbing at your arm.

"Good as can be." He says flatly before turning to look at you, no emotion to match his blank expression. You look at the way he's changed— his orange, long hair that suited him well, body built perfectly, jaw line shaped with perfection. You're pulled out of your thoughts when he turns once more, pointing towards the back of the room. "Gonna need you to undress and get into the robe. This time, might wanna keep your panties on." He gives you a look, and you aren't sure whether or not he's throwing shade at you for whatever problems you had caused him— you weren't sure. Maybe that's where you went wrong because at one point, you and Yoongi had been close. You and Yoongi had shared everything, you and Yoongi had been everything to each other. He was one of your closest friends, maybe at some points a little too close than friends normally would be, but that was your relationship with him and you both had been on the same page about it. He was always good to you, always taking care of you, always knowing what was best for you over him—

Then, it just.. stopped.

And you clearly never understood where you went wrong. At least, to your knowledge, it wasn't clear where you went wrong.

"Mmkay." Is all you say, heading behind the divider towards the back end of his room to change into the fresh, clean robe hanging on the other side of it. You slip out of your clothes, leaving your panties on as Yoongi ever so respectfully requested, and get the robe on. You tighten the strap, feeling shy around him even though Yoongi has definitely you full blown naked before.

He's touched you.

He's kissed you.

He's handled you.

It's been years, though.

"Get on the table face down, please. I'll start off with your back." He turns to you, meeting your eyes but nothing more. He's always been this way, he's always been hard to crack. You were just lucky you were able to at some point.

You do as you're told, slipping the robe off of you and tossing it aside when Yoongi turns around to give you some privacy. You lay face down onto the table, suddenly feeling Yoongi place a clean linen cloth to cover your sacrum and below. He looks at you for a minute because even though it's been awhile, he remembers everything about you, your body. He remembers the tiny mole right below your left shoulder blade, remembers the scar on your knee. He remembers where your spots used to be, where you liked to be touched, kissed.

He lets out a small huff before shaking his head at the thoughts that start to occupy his mind. There's soft music playing in the background to help ease the energy in the room, to help relax you and soothe you. And it does. Everything feels peaceful for a moment that you almost forget you're about to get a massage by Yoongi himself until—

"You ready? I'm gonna start with your back. Let me know if the stones get too hot for you." He says, dimming the lights just a bit, lighting some candles and incense.

"Mhm." You mumble. You hear Yoongi digging the stones out of the water bath, placing them gently on a towel in front of him before grabbing the oil and lathering his hands.

"I'm gonna start, alright? Gonna oil you up first." He says, his large, strong hands manually giving your back a good massage with the oil to introduce his touch, get your tissues warmed up. You immediately feel relaxed under his touch, all tension seemingly disappearing into thin air. He feels you ease up underneath him, hands with the magic touch you could almost call him Midas.

/ FLASHBACK

"Fuck." You giggle into Rissa's shoulder, red cup empty after the second, third, sixth [who fucking knows at this point] drink of the night.

"So drunk." She giggles along with you, sipping on water.

"God, I'm getting over this party though." You turn to look at your surroundings. "Look, literally no one is dancing anymore. Everyone is just standing around talking or—" You snort when you see one of your friends slumped on the couch. "Slumped."

"It's almost that time of the night, miss. We're crossing into 1AM."

"Ugh, I need to take my drunk ass home."

"No, you need Yoongi to take your drunk ass home." She lifts your chin to get you to look at her but you pout.

"You're not going home, huh?" You ask her, already knowing she was going to spend the night at her boyfriend's apartment.

"Mm, you know this." She laughs. "Your girl needs dick. Bad."

"Whatever."

"Saying it like you don't have the same fucking thought. Shame." She gives you a look.

"Where is heeeeee?" You elongate the 'he,' lip forming into another pout as you drunkily close your eyes.

"Your man's over there." She nods towards the living room, Yoongi standing along the wall with a few of his friends.

"He's not my man."

"Mm." She looks at you up and down. "Go over there before I have more shit to say." You laugh and start making your way over to Yoongi, immediately wrapping your hand around his wrist, chin resting against his bicep.

"You okay?" Yoongi chuckles at how adorable you look.

"Drunk. Just.. drunk."

"I see that." He moves his arm to drape it over your shoulders and pull you close. "Wanna get out of here?"

"Fuck, yeah. Please."

"Where to?"

"Home." You look at him and he nods. The both of you bid your farewell's to his friends before tossing your empty cups and heading out. Yoongi had one drink earlier in the night, but he had been sipping on soda onwards throughout the evening simply because he knew you needed him to take you home. In fact, he would rather let you have the time of your life and watch you have your fun instead of him. He loved seeing that side of you, loved seeing you full of life, full of fun.

It's what attracted him to you the most.

"You okay, princess?"

"Yeah, just wanna get the fuck out of these shoes." He laughs.

"Okay, almost there." He says, kissing your temple. When you finally head down the street to the car, Yoongi gets you situated in the seat before heading to the driver's side and getting himself situated. "You're not gonna yack, are you?" He laughs when he starts driving off towards your apartment.

"No, I'm fine. God." You roll your eyes and lean your head back against the head rest.

"I'm just playing, baby." He says, large hand roaming to your thigh and giving it a good squeeze. You let out a small whimper at his touch, Yoongi smirking to himself when he knows exactly what that means. "Gonna get you some water and make sure you sleep this shit off, I don't wanna hear you complain tomorrow."

"When do I ever complain?"

"All the fucking time, dude." He laughs. "Damn. You're lucky I like you." He quickly caresses your chin. The rest of the ride is quiet, nothing but the soft music playing in the background in his car, the sounds of cars passing by along with the train running through the tracks nearby your apartment building. He parks in a guest spot that's quite far, offering to carry you up to your apartment if you feel too tired. You let him know you're alright though, lacing your fingers with his as you make your way to your door. He grabs your keys, unlocks the door and watches as you stumble in and hurriedly get out of your shoes— tossing them off to the side messily.

"Thank God, ugh." You groan, falling face down onto your comfortable, comfortable bed. You hear Yoong in your kitchen, grabbing you a glass of water and going through your medicine cabinet before walking in to your room and shutting the door behind him.

"Here. Drink some water, please."

"And if I don't?" You tease, still face down against your pillow.

"I'll leave."

"That was unfair." You say, slowly sitting up to drink some of the water. His hand caresses your back as you drink, watching to make sure you get a good amount of water in you before you set the glass back down. Once you do, you immediately get to removing your clothes, tossing them aside and crawling under your sheets in just your bra and panties.

"You wanna sleep? You don't wanna stay up for a bit?" He says, grabbing the pair of basketball shorts he left behind in your closet so he can change into something comfier.

"And do what?"

"You're gonna have a headache in the morning, Y/N."

"It's fine, I'll deal with it when the morning comes." You whine. "Can you just come here and cuddle me like you typically do?" He chuckles.

"Yeah, yeah." He says, finally crawling in and throwing his arm around your waist even as you awkwardly lay on your stomach with a leg bent upwards. He begins to quietly massage your sides and down your back, fingers gently running a line down your spine. He listens to you let out a breath, body easing up under his touch like it always does. "Feels good?" He says nearing a whisper, close to your ear.

"Mhm." You let out breathily, eyes shut to feel more of his touch. You feel him unclasp your bra to work his hands deeper into your shoulders and either side of your spine. Yoongi always knew how to work his way with you, work his magic on you— so much that even this simple massage has you wanting more out of him. It's like that though. Your relationship with Yoongi was just like that. You turn to face him and his hand continues to linger on your side, giving it a squeeze when he looks down at your face, nose, down to your lips.

"Need a massage here, too?" He smirks, playing with the strap of your bra.

"You're an idiot." You giggle as he pulls you closer and completely gets rid of your bra while planting small, soft kisses along the surface of your neck. "Wasn't really planning on this, you know?"

"That's funny cause that's always the story, yet what do we always end up doing?" Your eyes flutter at the feeling of his lips against your skin. Your hands roam up to grip his hair just as he makes his way up to your jaw, cheek, kissing the tip of your nose before locking his lips with yours. You moan into the kiss as it deepens, your tongue instantly slipping into his. The only sounds that can be heard within your room are the cars passing by outside, mixed with the noises of wet kisses being exchanged.

You work your way to toss Yoongi's shirt aside, just as he works his way to hook his finger onto your panties and slip it off. You tease at his clothed, hardened cock by palming him through his shorts and he responds by feeling how wet your pussy is. You let out a small gasp when you feel his hand start rubbing at your pussy, spreading your wetness across your pussy lips.

"Just fuck me, Yoongi." You moan, already taking his cock from beneath his shorts before he can fully shred the piece of clothing.

"Yeah, I'm gonna take care of you, baby." He says, wasting no time to climb ontop of you, taking his cock and sliding it up and down your slit a few times to tease you.

"Please." You whine. "Need to feel you." He smirks and bites onto his bottom lip just as he takes his tip and breaches your entrance.

"God, you already feel so fucking good." He lets out. "So wet for me." He watches his cock sink into you, deeper and deeper, until he bottoms out completely.

"Ohhhhhmygod—" You arch your back slightly at the feeling of being full. Yoongi works at a slow pace at first, trying to get the right rhythm going as he cocks your legs wide open with his hands.

"Princess. Look at you. Creaming the fuck out of my cock." He says, looking down as he teasingly slips in and out of you. He begins to pick up his pace, rolling his hips into you as a hand grips onto your headboard to keep him steady, the other hand kept tightly on your hip. He starts to pound into you relentlessly, loving how delicious your walls feel wrapped around him tightly.

It always, always, always, keeps him wanting more of you.

"Yes, yes, yes— just like that—hmmmfuck!" You moan a bunch of jibberish together, nails digging crescents onto his arm. "Feels so fucking good." You continue to whine, whimper, begging him to keep going for you. He lowers his body so that he could run his hands up your hair, whispering praises in your ear as he strokes in and out at a steady speed.

Making you feel him, all of him, completely.

He always tells you how beautiful you are to him, how you're his baby, how there's no one who could make him feel the way you do.

How no one could ever come close to you.

And that's the one thing that always has you hurdling over the edge, reaching your orgasm much faster than expected. Because not only does he fuck you so, so good— but he praises you, knows just the right fucking words to say, knows just how to touch you in the right places.

You let out a loud moan, yelling his name as your eyes roll to the back of your head when your orgasm takes full control. His hand slides down to grip your neck, fucking you senselessly as he tries to reach his own high watching you cum all over his dick. And he does. It takes a few more thrusts, but before you know it, his lips are grazing yours, both of you letting out silent moans when he releases inside of you, painting your walls full of white ribbons.

He comes down from his high as he softens inside of you, lips pecking feathery kisses on yours before he finally pulls out and rolls over next to you. He grabs a napkin from your nightstand and gently wipes you clean before taking care of himself and throwing his arm back around you.

"You okay?" He brushes the hair out of your face before you roll onto your side.

"Definitely more sober now." You say, making him chuckle as he holds you close and kisses your shoulder.

"Good. At least I helped prevent the morning headache."

"Shut up." You chuckle.

"Anything for you." He continues to joke.

/ END FLASHBACK

After Yoongi gives your back a good introductory massage, he then turns to get the stones and holds them tightly in his palms. You feel the back of his hands work their way down on either side of your spine, all the way down to your sacrum, before coming back up. He repeats this process a few times before flipping his palms over and rolling the stones down the same path. He adds the right pressure against the surface of your skin, the heat just enough to penetrate and hit deeper into your tissue.

Yoongi doesn't even know how to feel right now with you being underneath him for a completely different reason today. And it's been years— years since you've last spoken, last talked.

He'd be lying if he said he wasn't hurt all over again when he saw you.

You still looked beautiful as ever, still rocking that fine ass body with curves in all the right places. Yeah, he definitely wasn't hurt when you two ended up the way you did. He wish it never ended up that way. He wanted much, much more with you. You just never seemed to feel the same. But he couldn't dwell on it. Figured he'd just accept it and move on, even if that meant without you by his side. That was probably the hardest part all along. To be with you almost 24/7, to suddenly being without you at all. He had to do it though, for his own sake.

Yeah, he'd defnitely be lying if he said he wasn't hurt all over again when he saw you.

"Feels alright?" He dips lowly near your ear as he holds stones sideways and digs them deep into your shoulders, down your back, sacrum; always avoiding the spine directly.

"Mmm." Is all he hears. He continues to work all through your back and up to your neck before placing the stones down to rest along your spine. He places two tiny stones amongst your shoulders, guiding you to move your hand backwards one at a time, just so he can give you a good, deep, proper massage in between the scapula. Afterwards, he grabs new stones and moves down to your left leg. He uncovers it, gently massaging up and down your thigh, calf, in a circular motion with the stones, using them as an extension of his hands. He does this for awhile until he feels like he's done enough, the heat slowly moving away from the stones in his palms. So, he sticks a stone on the back of your knee where the bend is, and takes the other stone down to your foot for a soft massage— flipping the stone as needed to distribute the heat along your foot properly. Once he's finished with his final touches, he places the stone in the middle of your foot, covers the entire leg with the linen cloth and repeats the same process on your right leg.

You're sinking in and out of sleep while Yoongi massages you, all of a sudden forgetting the heated, awkward tension in the air as he continues to work his magic throughout your body. For a moment, you don't regret stepping foot into the establishment. For a moment, you don't ponder on your worries and why things feel so fucking tense between you and Yoongi. Then it hits you when he clears his throat in the background that yeah, your relationship, friendship— whatever the hell you wanted to call it— was cut off so abruptly. Seeing him made you really miss having him around. Because besides Rissa, he was someone you were able to lean on, have fun with, be yourself around.

There was no pressure with Yoongi before.

Now, there's a ton.

Pressure to, what? Fix things? Talk about things? Figure out where it went so, so wrong that he had upped and left, cutting off all ties with you without reason? You don't even know where or how to start.

"Y/N." He repeats.

"Hm?"

"I said I need you to flip over so I can work on the front of your body." You're nervous. God, you're nervous. It's like you were trying to impress him all over again, the same Min Yoongi that you had the fattest fucking crush on. The same Min Yoongi that you could do all that shit with, but could never admit that you had feelings for.

You hold onto the linen cloth as you carefully turn yourself over on the table, Yoongi once again giving you the privacy you need by turning his back. When he feels like he's given you enough time, he turns to see you pulling the linen cloth over your chest. He walks over, taking his biggest stone into another towel and wrapping it tightly before placing it down on your abdomen.

"That feel okay? Gonna leave this here while I work through your arms and legs."

"Yeah, that feels nice."

"Cool." He says, pressing it down ever so slightly just so you could feel the heat against your abdomen. He starts with your left leg, following the same rhythm he had when he massaged the back of your leg earlier. He takes the stones around your thigh, down to your calf, and works it in small circular motions before repeating the same up and down motion he had done before. He then takes the stone, places it underneath the bend of your knee and take the other to your foot. He gently grips your foot, working the stone in small motions against the surface before his touch disappears and he moves onto the next leg.

His touch.

You remember feeling cold without his touch.

After massaging your leg, he takes a moment to grab another warm towel and places it over your breasts before sliding the linen cloth down below your abdomen.

"Gonna give you a quick abdomen massage. The towel feel okay?" You let out a small 'mhm' before you hear him take a stone from behind you. He slowly introduces his touch against your abdomen, watching your body react to his touch.

His touch.

You remember how you used to react to his touch.

His touch is soft, gentle, when he presses into your abdomen, applying the right pressure as he goes on just as he realizes you're comfortable again. He takes a stone and proceeds with double-handed kneading that followed the pattern along your colon.

He makes his way up to work with your left arm, hooking the stone into the palm of his hand while he uses the other for support— gently running it up your arm and over your shoulder, back down towards your wrist. He switches to another stone and turns your hand over; starting from your palm and working his way up to your axillary node, then back down. Afterwards, he takes both stones in his hands, running it back all the way up before gently kneading as he comes back down. He leaves a stone under your hand before taking two long stones to do some manipulation around your shoulders. Once he feels like he has finished your left arm, he repeats the process on your right.

"That felt nice." Yoongi smirks at your sudden comment.

"That's the goal." He says, fixing the linen cloth over your body, tucking it in neatly so that your upper chest is properly exposed to him. "We're almost done here. I'll work on your upper chest and do a facial massage, okay? Then you'll be out of here."

"What if I don't wanna be out of here? It's too relaxing." You mumble.

"Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way." He chuckles. "Relax." He closes off the quick conversation by soothing your upper chest, working his hands around, up the shoulders and neck just to warm up the tissue. He repeats the process but this time, takes his two long stones and works them in, running it across your chest and in circular motions around the shoulders. He places them right beneath your collarbones so you can continue feeling the heat penetrate your tissues before taking two smaller stones to your face. He works the stones in an outward motion on your cheek, your forehead, in between your eyes— before working in an upward motion along the same path. Then, he grabs two stones a size up, working it behind the neck, ear and into the hairline in smaller motions. He sets the stones aside, now finishing off the massage by working his fingers deep into your scalp, down to your temples, keeping his hands over your ears for a brief moment to let the heat and energy transfer over. "How do you feel?" He says lowly near your ear, the vibrations in his tone somehow still able to send a tingle down your spine after all these years.

"Really good."

"Yeah? That's good." He says, hands gently gliding down your neck, back to the surface of your chest before he removes the stones. "Hope that was a nice session for you."

"Way more than that. Thank you." He smiles to himself before turning towards the counter, placing the rest of his supplies back on the surface to remind himself to do some good cleaning and disinfecting before his next client.

"Take your time when you get up and get ready, alright? Don't get up too fast." You open your eyes, still feeling calm, relaxed, as your body feels every inch of the table.

"Can't I just stay?" You joke.

"No can do." Yoongi chuckles a bit.

"Hey."  You call for him. "This might sound a little crazy to ask but, do you think we can catch up? It's been a long time, and quite frankly, I wasn't really expecting to run into you here." He turns over his shoulder before shaking his head.

"I don't know. I don't really think there's much for us to catch up on."

"You said it yourself, there's alot of things I don't know about you anymore. We used to be close—"

"Used to be." He says quite harshly when he cuts you off. "And yeah, just cause I said that, doesn't mean it's shit you need to know." He sighs, pushing his things aside before looking at you. "Sorry, I didn't mean for it to come out that way, but you're right. It's been years, and to be honest, part of me just wants to leave it in the past like it should be kept in the past. I don't really know if there's much for us to talk about."

"Please don't be like that. I'm trying to figure out where things went wrong. It's always bothered me that we ended up this way." He shrugs.

"You ever think that maybe this is just how things were meant to be?" He says, giving you one last look, his tongue licking his bottom lip. "It was really nice to see you though, Y/N. Hope you had a good time." He says before grabbing the door knob and twisting it, not really expecting you to be back for another session after all of this. "Again, no rush. My next client isn't until an hour from now." With that, he walks out and shuts the door, leaving you to your own peace.

You were relaxed. Felt blissful, felt at ease.

But now, you aren't so sure. You aren't sure if you wanna break down and cry, if you wanna run after him and beg for him to just talk to you.

You just aren't sure.

So you get up and walk over to the back, throwing on your clothes before lazily tossing the robe into the hamper placed near the divider. You let out a breath before grabbing the knob and twisting it, revealing an empty hallway with a few closed doors in front of you. No Yoongi in sight though, and you can't help but feel a bit heavy walking out of the session as if you didn't just receive a hot stone massage from him.

"Hey! How was it?" Yannie asks, reading your expression as you walk out and tug on your unzipped hoodie. You give her a small, toothless smile and nod, hoping to be on your way quickly.

"It was great!" You simply say with a nod. "Definitely will be back." You lie, mainly because you aren't really sure where this leaves you with Yoongi even if you wanted to be back for one. Shit, that massage was everything you needed and more.

"Good to hear, we'll see you again soon then." She smiles before waving you off.

Fuck.

As for the rest of the day, you do take the time to walk around town, run into a few stores to window shop and eat at the nearby mom and pop Vietnamese restaurant for a good ol' bowl of pho. Mainly out of enjoyment for your day off, moreso because your thoughts were starting to plague your mind and you needed a distraction.

If anything, today taught you that you really needed to take more time out of your busy schedule to slip in some self-care. So, that's what you do to end your night just as well as you started it [you like to think]. You run some hot water and bubbles, pour a glass of red, red wine and light up some incense, candles.

"Wait—" Rissa says while you have her on speaker, phone sitting on the toilet cover. "Yoongi was your masseur?!”

"Yuuuup." You say, sipping on your red wine.

"Oh, this is some shit." She laughs. "Wish I could get my ass on that first flight home so I could see how you look right now."

"Don't even try it."

"Well, tell me the massage was at least worth it."

"It was, very much so." She chuckles.

"But?"

"But, what?"

"There's a 'but' in that sentence. Now, spill."

"It's just weird. We fell off so abruptly, there was no closure. I just wish we could talk about things, I'm not entirely sure where things went wrong between us and it kinda sucks now that I've seen him again."

"I know Yoongi has always meant a lot to you, Y/N. But you could never admit it to him, yourself, even. Don't you think that has a lot to do with this?"

"W-what? That's not true."

"See, there you go again." You sigh.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Think about it. Not saying that's it, there could be other reasons and the only person who would really know is Yoongi since we know what your side is like, but we don't know his."

"I don't know what to do. Should I go back?"

"What, for a massage or for Yoongi?" She laughs. "Or both, I guess."

"Both." You slip a bit further down into the water. "He was pretty direct today. I don't think he wants to talk about it, but part of me can't really let that go."

"You've always been stubborn like that. But, it's good, you know? You always go for what you want without giving up. I say go for it. If he really, really doesn't wanna see you and talk about things after this, then don't force it. Maybe he's right. It sucks to say, but maybe that's really how you two were supposed to end up." You sigh.

"Yeah, yeah." You respond simply, shutting your eyes as you let the hot water seep in and continue to relax your muscles. It was hard to say. Yoongi did mean a lot to you. He was someone you always had fun with, someone you could trust, someone who took care of you even when you didn't ask.

Of course, he meant a lot to you.

Of course, you wouldn't let that go after seeing him again.

But of course, Yoongi's detached and you're having to break through his walls yet again— most likely due to something you did that you weren't even aware of.

"You're back!" Yannie exclaims when she sees you walk through the door shyly.

"I am. I probably should have called beforehand, but I wasn't sure if I was going to make it in time before the last slot." You rub your hands together. "Is Yoongi here?"

"He sure is, and you just got lucky. His last spot cancelled not too long ago." Yannie shrugs.

"Sweet."

"He's with someone right now, but the session will be over—" She glances at the time. "Pretty soon, actually. Take a seat and get comfortable for now, alright?" She smiles, handing you one form to sign. You silently take the form with you, reading through the liability language again as you take your pen and get ready to sign at the line on the bottom half of the page. Sooner or later, you hear some giggling and a female voice echoing in the back hallway, a pretty, young lady coming through with Yoongi following behind her.

His smile drops almost instantly when he sees you sitting there. But it's not cause he's mad or anything, no. He could never be that mad at you after everything, could never hold a big grudge against you. He's just surprised that you're back, and he's also [surprisingly] relieved to see you're back.

Your eyes, and that smile.

The way you always used to hold onto him and hold his hand, looking up at him with those puppy dog eyes.

Your laugh.

He could never be that mad at you.

"Hey, I know your last client cancelled, but Y/N is here hoping to grab that slot." Yoongi nods.

"Yeah, it's no problem." He looks at the young lady in front of him as she bats her lashes and sways her hips while walking towards the door.

"See you next session, Yoonks?" She calls him a weird nickname that falls off her tongue so poorly. God.

"Of course." He smiles shyly, hand coming to the nape of his neck as he watches her walk out. He finally turns his attention towards you and clears his throat when he realizes you had been watching the interaction the entire time. "I um, just need to clean up in there a bit then I'll be ready for you. Give me a couple of minutes."

"Okay." Is all you say before finally scribbling your fucking signature on that line. Oh, Yoonks. Hope she isn't the one you're slipping in bed with. Your heart would be crushed to know he already had someone, even though you knew it was a high possibility after all this time. You couldn't be selfish with him forever.

Sooner or later, you're pulled out of your thoughts when Yoongi peeks his head out into the waiting area and taps the door frame. He purses his lips together when he looks at you and nods.

"Ready?"

"Mmyeah." You get up to follow him.

"Enjoy!" Yannie exclaims when she sees you follow him to the back. You quietly continue on, setting your things aside like you had done before when you step into the room and Yoongi shuts the door behind him.

"Was that your girlfriend, or something?" You tease.

"No. Repeat client." He looks at you before turning. "Somehow, I know you aren't really here for the massage." He fiddles with his things on the counter.

"I mean, I am. I could really use one."

"But you wanna try and talk, don't you?" You silently excuse yourself behind the divider to change and slip the robe on.

"Maybe. I won't push it." You say, tying the robe close before taking a seat on the edge of the table.

"Mm, but you always push it." He softly chuckles. "There's no stopping Y/N when she's determined to get what she wants." He turns to look at you, white tee hugging his body so nicely— you can't help but ogle a bit when he steps in front of you.

"No, not anymore necessarily." You try and cover your shit up even though both him and Rissa are right. You know this.

"Right." He lets out a little laugh. "You wanna lie down so we can get this started?" He walks over to the cabinets, grabbing a fresh, clean pair of linens in his hands. When he turns, he catches you removing your robe and covering your breasts when you're about to lie down. He quickly turns because quite frankly, he shouldn't even be in here for this— but, it's you.

You know this, too.

"I'm ready." You tell him, placing your face into the cushion comfortably.

"Cool." He says, draping your lower body with the linen in his hand, tucking it gently into your sides to make you feel even more comfortable. He makes his way to the front, preparing to manually massage you before adding the stones just so he can introduce his touch again. "Gonna start, alright? Relax, breathe in and out. I'll massage you without the stones first to get your tissues warmed up."

"Okay." You pause before calling for him again. "Yoongi?" You let out a little weirdly with the pressure he's adding onto your back.

"Hm?"

"What really happened between us?" He chuckles.

"And here you were, trying to tell me you weren't gonna push the agenda. Do you have to do this now? Mid-hot stone massage?" You head the clacking of the stones against each other before he starts working it into your back. He's right, it honestly feels too good for you to speak properly, but you felt like this was the only way— the only option, so to speak. His number had changed, he wasn't necessarily on social media. Didn't live at home with his parents anymore.

How else could you contact him besides seeing him for a massage?

"What other choice do I have?"

"I already told you there isn't much to talk about."

"Yeah, so why are we so awkward with each other?"

"It's been years."

"Why has it been years, Yoongi?" He sighs, head falling before he continues to work your back.

"It's your massage, don't blame me if you don't feel completely rested afterwards." He caves, gives in, knowing he can't ever say no to you. He can't ever be that mad, no.

You know that.

"I'm not gonna lie to you, Y/N. I was pretty upset with you when we spoke last. Do you even remember when that was?" He speaks up again.

"In college, yeah." You let out a small sigh when he deeply massages near the shoulder blades.

"So, you don't exactly remember?"

"Yoongi, I don't. Okay? I'm sorry." He should've expected it. He remembers that scene so clearly in his head, it almost aches him. He really did like you, Y/N. Min Yoongi was so much in like with you that he wanted to stop being friends with benefits, and he wanted more out of it. He was sure you two could take it there, no doubt. You fit each other well. So, so well—

Until you didn't.

/ FLASHBACK

"Sorry, I need to go find Y/N soon. She said she wanted to kick it." Yoongi tells his friend, Akio.

"What, for a quick fuck?" He laughs, making Yoongi shake his head.

"Shut the fuck up. She's not just a quick fuck. That girl means a lot to me, alright?" Yoongi catches the way Akio's face falls, moreso into confusion.

"Wait, you're not serious, right?"

"I'm pretty sure I am." Yoongi responds sarcastically, a little thrown off at the way he's taking the news right now. Was there something he wasn't aware about? Last time he checked, even if you two weren't serious, you both were exclusively just fucking around with each other and each other only.

Yoongi could be completely wrong at this point, though. But he hoped he wasn't. He really respected you and cared about you more than anyone he has ever crossed paths with, and the foundation of your friendship, that closeness you two had before anything, meant everything to him. He would never fuck that up. That's why he always checked in with you, always made sure that what you two were doing was still okay. He would never wanna disrespect you or make you feel uncomfortable. He never wanted to step out of line, or even hurt you in the slightest bit.

"Look, I just thought you two settled on the fact that you were friends with benefits, that's all."

"What do you know that I don't?"

"Nothing, man. That's it."

"Don't lie to my face, dude." Yoongi gives off a nervous chuckle. "What did she say to you?"

"She's been telling people that you two weren't serious and that she couldn't really see you two together like that.. or— that she couldn't see you like that." Ouch. Yoongi's fucking hurt, alright. And if that wasn't enough, Yoongi catches the way Akio looks past his shoulder, so he follows his gaze. He turns to see you flirting with the hot soccer boy on campus, Kane, who was also notorious for sleeping around and messing with other females at the same time.

Great.

Fucking great.

Because he knows you wouldn't turn that down— no, the fuck you wouldn't.

And he wishes he was wrong because the moment he sees you hold onto his arm and let him walk you up into the dormitory, his heart sinks. Shatters to pieces. Everything feels numb.

He thought you two were on the same page. Clearly, you weren't. He could never be that mad at you, though. Because he's always gonna have it for you, always gonna have that soft spot for you and hold you close, even if you were meant to stray away, even if you were meant to be kept at a distance.

He could never be that mad at you, no.

"I'm sorry my guy, I really thought you two had been on the same page. I didn't wanna be the first to break it to you like that. Maybe you should talk to her."

"No, it's good. You're right, it's really not that serious." He lies.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, it's whatever." Akio shrugs.

"Alright then, I'm just saying. It could be good for you two to talk. It seems like there's still a disconnect somewhere." Yoongi ignores his added statement and pats him on the back.

"Gotta go, catch you later." He thought you two were close enough, thought he could read every inch of you, be that person who knew you like the back of his hand. He thought he had the privilege of having that much access to you because god, never in a million years would he have guessed. It started off so innocently, started off as two friends going through college together, before it grew into something more.

He wished it could blossom into more.

But now, maybe he truly does have to keep you at a distance. Keep you away, treat you like your mind and heart had been somewhere else this entire time.

Fuck.

Later that evening, Yoongi runs into you after you finish up a review session in the library. It was the last thing he wanted to deal with tonight, but there was no turning back. You weren't even aware that he knew about the things you said, seeing you with Kane earlier today. You knew nothing.

"Hey." You giggle, swinging your arms around him, but he gently pries it off and continues to walk towards his dorm. "Wait, what's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just having an off day." He says, keeping his head hung low.

"What happened?"

"Classes, homework. Lots of stuff to do."

"Oh, okay. That's it?" You nervously chuckle. "You got it, champ. I know you'll get through it." You playfully punch at his bicep, but he doesn't respond. "Okay, well, I'm sorry it's been a bad day." You awkwardly rub at your arms, stopping in your tracks. "I'm gonna go hang out with Kane and his friends, alright? Let me know if you need me."

"Mhm." He says, brushing you off completely and walking into this dormitory building.

/ END FLASHBACK

"I was waiting for you to try and figure out what was wrong. I wanted you to come to me and fix things, like I always do when something is off between us—" He works his way to your left arm. "With you. But the one night I needed you to do the same, you couldn't. Then you proceeded to tell me you were gonna go off and hang out with Kane and his friends." He says, working the stones down your arm.

"I wish you could have just told me."

"Y/N. You knew something was wrong, but you just didn't try to fix it. You didn't really care in the moment. The only thing you cared about was yourself and benefitting for yourself." You aren't really sure how to respond because now that you think about the moment, he was right. You knew something was off, but you didn't care enough to try and fix it. Yoongi had always been there for you, had always put you before anyone and anything.

And the one time he expected you to pull your own weight, even as a good friend [all benefits and fuckbuddy shit aside], you couldn't do that for him.

"I'm sorry."

"I mean." He chuckles, covering your arm with the linen before moving down to your leg. "Doesn't really matter anymore, right?"

"Of course it does. I'm sorry it had to take this for me to realize but it really fucked me up that we just stopped talking. I was dumb." You mumble.

"You're not dumb, don't say things like that." He adds.

"I'm really sorry."

"Don't apologize anymore. It's fine. I shouldn't have made it such a big deal."

"It is a big deal." He sighs a bit. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mhm."

"Were you really hurt about the whole Kane thing?"

"Are you really asking me this?"

"Right." You subtly shake your head. "I take it back—"

"Of course I was hurt." He continues to reply anyway. "I thought we were on the same page. We were for awhile. My feelings for you grew, and I thought we'd eventually make our way into something bigger than just being friends with benefits. I cared a lot about you, I tried to do a lot of things to show you that you were something special to me. You always came first because I had never had someone make me feel comfortable in my own skin the way that you did. Then—" He gently massages your foot with the stone before moving onto your other leg, introducing is touch just like he did before. "When I found out you were messing with other people and telling other people you didn't really see me that way, it fucked me up."

"Yoongi." You turn your head to the side, hoping to get a glimpse of him somehow.

"Nah, it's okay. You wanted an explanation so I'm giving it to you. Really, there's no need to try and apologize for it now. It's all in the past and I kinda just wanna leave it that way." You're a tad bit hurt at the way he won't accept the apology, but part of you understood that it took way too long for you to realize that something you had done affected him in ways you could only imagine.

"I should've done better." Is all you can say. He doesn't respond to it, though. Just continues to massage you, make you feel good like he always has done. You feel a little awkward now, lowkey regretting the fact that you came here with the sole intention to get Yoongi to talk about what happened between you two. Although, it was definitely something you needed to hear. Where to go from here though? You had no idea how to navigate this. What if this was it? After seeing him, you didn't want it to be. You wanted to try and fix this, even with knowing that it was close to impossible to bring back what you two had before.

That's the only thought that continued to plague your mind at this moment; the only thought that repeated itself over and over again that you didn't even realize you were now having to face him as you switch onto your back to let Yoongi massage the front of your body.

"You can relax, you know?" He looks you in the eye, a little confused as to why you're just plainly staring at him as he starts the front body massage.

"I'm sorry." You repeat, close to a whisper. "I just wanna fix things between us. I know it's a little late, but better late than never right?"

"Mm, I'm always going to have a soft spot for you Y/N.. but in a way where I can just support you and care about you from a distance. I think we work better that way."

"Do we, though?"

"These past years kinda say so, don't you think?"

"But that's because I didn't know any better." He shrugs.

"It seemed to be fine." He simply states.

"Were you, though? I missed you, a lot. I just didn't know how else to reach out to you before, or where to even find you."

"Don't say things you don't mean." He lets out a tiny breath, pursing his lips together.

"I do mean that. I thought about us, you, a lot. I missed the way you cared for me and how you were always there for me. I missed how you always made me feel so special." You stop there, even though you can go on and on about how Yoongi made you feel back in the days. That lingering feeling of attachment, of needing his touch, his cuddles, the way he never let you down. Fuck, he was so good to you. You let him get away.

"Sounds like this is purely for your benefit."

"You can't say we didn't make each other happy."

"You did make me happy, I just wasn't the case for you."

"Of course you made me happy."

"Kinda hard to believe." He says flatly. "Look, I said what I needed to say. I think that's what you wanted, right? I've just come to the conclusion that we're better off the way that we ended up. You'll always mean something to me, no matter what. Don't get me wrong. But, I think we both just need to continue moving on and leaving that where it belongs." Suddenly the room feels hot and tense, especially when he's incredibly close to your ear, close to your face, your lips. His hands continue to travel down your body, working his touch like he's always been so good at doing.

You leave it at that, though. Respecting his wishes, not wanting to push any further to avoid more issues. Although it fucking kills you, and you wish you could just snap your fingers and you and Yoongi could return to your old ways like shit never happened.

You should've known better, you could have done better. You were too selfish to try at the moment, and now you're laying here wondering how things could have been if you just tried a little harder for him.

He's the one that got away.

Maybe he was right, maybe there really was no coming back from this. Maybe it was just better this way.

When the massage comes to a close, Yoongi softly lets you know that the session has concluded, but doesn't say much. He doesn't offer for you to come back like the first time you came here, doesn't really offer much in general. You quietly get up to change behind the divider, tossing the robe into the hamper while Yoongi tidies up his room for closure tonight. When he hears you come out from behind the divider, he simply gives you a look over his shoulder before returning his attention to his supplies beneath his hands.

"You feel alright?" He decides to ask anyway.

"I guess so." You dig your hands into your pockets. "Thank you."

"Of course." He finally turns to fully look at you, eyes locking onto yours as his tongue comes out to meet the corner of his mouth. You don't pull your gaze away for a bit, his look still giving you those same old butterflies you used to feel when he used to give you the same look back in the day. His eyes used to say a lot about how he felt about you without the need to actually say it out loud. He watches as you grab one of his business cards and scribble something on the back before handing it to him.

"Just know that I'm really sorry, and I really wish we could fix things. Or, I could fix things. I should have done better for you, especially when I knew I felt more for you than what I showed at the time." He sees that you had written your number on the back of one of his business cards, eyes locked on it as it sits in his hand. "In case you ever needed it." You give him one last look before giving him a tiny, toothless smile and excusing yourself out of his room.

Don't get it twisted, though. You do feel relieved he at least told you what was going through his head at the time, and what had happened between the two of you. But, the majority of you felt guilty, and you weren't sure how you'd fix this without forcing the connection, without forcing what wasn't meant to be.

Damn.

"Sorry, I just came out of my massage and got home." You place the phone against your ear as you step into your apartment.

"How was it?" Rissa asks with a small giggle.

"I don't even know, Rissa. I think I may have just fucked this up for good. I shouldn't have gone back."

"Don't say that. Tell me what happened." She says, hearing another sigh leave your lips as you place your bag and keys down.

"I'm so stupid, Rissa. I should have known he was hurt by the whole Kane thing. I should have told him the truth."

"Girl, not to be the 'I told you so' bitch, but I am gonna be that bitch and say I told you so." She says directly. "I knew you were caught up at the time cause Kane was giving you the attention, who wouldn't? But you going around saying the things you said about Yoongi and denying that entire thing was definitely going to backfire."

"God, I was so fucking selfish and dumb." You lay back against your couch and let your head rest back, now remembering the times you brushed Yoongi off without even realizing.

"We live and we learn, at least now you know." Rissa says.

"I apologized, though. I really did try to talk to him about it."

"I'm sure he appreciates it, love. What else did he say?"

"Nothing. He just thinks that maybe we really were meant to fall off and be this way. He was saying that after all these years, it just seems better. He just wants to keep it that way and keep it in the past."

"Maybe he just needs time to think. I'm sure it was hard on his part, especially having to unexpectedly face it again. You know Yoongi doesn't trust a lot of people, and you probably were the one person he could fully trust. I'm sure it hurt him a lot." She says softly.

"I don't know what to do now. I left him my number but fuck, I don't even think he'll use it. He probably trashed it the moment I left the room."

"Just give it time. Again, if it really is meant to be, then it'll happen in time. If not, then I hate to say it, but maybe he's right, hun."

"I hate to think of it that way. God. Why didn't I just realize it at the time?"

"We were young and dumb. It was college. We weren't worried about all this because we wanted to have fun."

"Doesn't make it an excuse." You sighed heavily. "I don't know. I really can't do anything to force it, so I'll just let it be like you like said." There's a small pause before Rissa speaks again.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"I will be." You shake your head, not wanting to think more about the situation for the rest of the night. "So, tell me all about what you did today, please? What fun did you get into?" She hears it in your voice, and as your bestfriend, she knows very well that you don't like to stress too much about things. So, she gives you what you want. Gives you the full details of her day so that the both of you can pick at the little things and go off on tangents.

Just so you no longer have to think about Yoongi for tonight.

But that's the opposite case for Yoongi, even if he didn't want it to be the case. Because the moment he gets home from work, all he can think about is you.

He hates that this is always the case with you, hates that he always has that soft spot for you no matter how direct or blunt he can get. Hates how you always have him in some kind of hold, hates how after all these years, you can still make him weak in one way or another.

But he'll never be that mad at you, no. He can never be that mad at you.

/ FLASHBACK

"Hey." Yoongi whispers, slipping into your dorm bed around 2AM. You were fast asleep, cuddled up in your blankets. But, you always left your door open especially for Yoongi to slip himself in.

"You're so cold." You mumble against the sheets, scooting to make room for Yoongi to situated himself in your bed next to you. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you close, instantly wanting some of the heat you radiated under the covers. "Yoooongi." You whine, trying to pry his arms off of you.

"Baby, you're so warm though." He snuggles against your neck. "Missed you." You continue to whine a bit until you feel him warming up behind you.

"How was Akio's birthday outing?"

"Fun. Kinda drunk, not gonna lie."

"I see." You chuckle a bit, eyes still closed as you turn to face him and snuggle against his chest.

"Been too long without you."

"Shut up." You giggle, eyes slowly flickering as you look at him in the dark.

"Did you miss me?"

"No."

"Fucking liar." He laughs, pulling you closer. He places a peck on your forehead before moving down to the tip of your nose and your lips. You giggle when he continues to give you small, feathery kisses against your lips, playfully pushing him away to get some air.

"You're so fucking affectionate right now. Gross."

"Just missed you." He squeezes your thigh and pulls you near, your waist tucked as close as possible to his crotch. You liked it when he did this shit though, always telling you how much he missed you, how much he wanted you. Always made you feel good, feel special. "Can I kiss you, please?" He looks at you, brushing the hair away from your face and off your shoulder.

"You still have to ask?" You turn a bit, laying on your back with your head turned towards his direction.

"I always have to ask. I never like to assume." He says, large hand coming to cup your cheek. "C'mere." His thumb caresses the surface as he slowly brings your face closer to his, eyes drawn to yours, then down to your lips. When you feel his soft lips press a light kiss against your own, you can't help but release all the butterflies in your tummy. You feel tingles run down your spine, your arms, entire body, even as he continues to deepen his kisses.

It's a quiet night. The only sounds that fill the room are the sweet, soft, slow kisses being exchanged between the two of you. And it was perfectly fine. There were no expectations to fulfill any other need besides being in each other's company and enjoying each other's kisses.

His hand slips down to your sides, giving it a gentle squeeze as he pulls you closer, peppering your jaw and the surface of your neck with feathery kisses. He hungrily moves back to your lips, sucking on your bottom lip before pulling it back with a soft pop. You moan against the next kiss, tugging on his shirt as his hand roams inside of yours.

"Can we fuck already?"

"Not what I came here for." He chuckles when he pulls back from the kiss. "Just wanted to kiss you and cuddle you to sleep."

"Wow, are you being foreel?" You kinda laugh in his face, unsure if he was serious or not.

"Seriously." He edges his face to kiss you some more on the neck, letting him do whatever he wanted to do to you.

Which was that; it was just that. And sometimes, you really did enjoy this part of having Yoongi around— where there was nothing but safety, comfort. No strings attached.

/ END FLASHBACK

The flashback comes into Yoongi's mind after he steps out of the shower, your constant 'I'm sorry's' repeating in his head while he looked at his own business card sitting next to his phone on the bathroom sink counter.

More like your voice repeating in his head, the look on your face repeating in his head. Your eyes, lips.

He can never forget those.

The towel hangs loosely on his waist, water drips down his orange hair, down his chest. He lets out a deep sigh before grabbing his phone, clicking his teeth when he grabs the card.

"Fuck." He mumbles to himself when he types in your number and decides to send a text. A lousy, little text—

[unknown number] 8:53am: coming by again any time soon?

[unknown number] 8:54am: it's yoongi btw

He's definitely lost his touch. He does a slight head tilt when he tosses his phone aside, waiting for your response. Albeit, he hasn't really had a relationship since he was messing with you. Had a few fuckbuddies on the side to try and get rid of the shit you put him through. Nonetheless though, it was never going to compare.

You look at your phone, startled at the sudden notification [especially since it wasn't your family or Rissa]. You look at Yoongi's text for a little bit, unsure if you're relieved he actually put your number to use or if you're nervous about interacting with him some more.

[y/n] 8:58am: why do you ask?

[yoongi] 9:01am: promos happening, just thought you should know

You smirk. That was a terrible lie, and he should've known better than to pull that one.

[y/n] 9:05am: riiiight.. lol. thought about coming later today. could use another massage after this proposal takes everything out of me. wasn't sure if i'd try another kind of massage tho.

[yoongi] 9:07am: you don't want the other dudes here, trust me

[y/n] 9:08am: and why not??

[yoongi] 9:11am: just cause. let me know if you're stopping by, ok? i'm free at 4.

[y/n] 9:12am: yoongi, i know you aren't really just texting me about some promos..

[yoongi] 9:14am: i mean i am

[yoongi] 9:15am: listen, i just want you to know that i didn't mean to come off rude or anything last session. i'm sorry, alright? you know i never mean to hurt you, but i also had to be real with you

[y/n] 9:17am: heard you loud & clear.

[yoongi] 9:18am: so coming by later today?

[y/n] 9:20am: sure, i guess so. why not.

[yoongi] 9:21am: kk

[y/n] 9:22am: why do you want me to come by so badly?

[yoongi] 9:23am: just think we need to re-do last session, felt kinda bad

[yoongi] 9:25am: i gotta run, i'm about to be fucking late and i haven't even left the house yet. i'll see u later

You look at your phone in slight disbelief. This was starting to sound a bit like the Yoongi you knew, however, you were still confused as to why he wanted you to come by so badly.

Plus, he didn't even want you to try the other services they had to offer because he felt like he needed to re-do the last session?

He was up to something. Even if he wouldn't say it directly.

But really, you knew it was easy for Yoongi to feel bad. He never liked making you upset in any way possible, never liked making you feel like you weren't worth his time or effort. Because you always were worth it, you were always going to be worth it to him.

When you left the other day, he couldn't help but feel a tad bit guilty about his tone and how he came off. He never intended for it to be that way. Sure, he was hurt. But he wasn't going to fight fire with fire. Seeing you made him miss you, too. He was afraid to admit it, but he'll say it now. He does miss you. He misses how things used to be. And maybe it won't ever go back to that 100%, but he'd enjoy having you back in his life one way or another.

That's why he doesn't want you to try the other services and see his colleagues. They had their own shit going on too, anyway. He tends to be pretty selfish with you, whether he realizes it or not.

Your day goes by stressfully, with this month-long proposal finally being submitted as a final draft to your boss. You had put in so much time and effort into this, fixing every single detail down to the T to make sure it was to his liking. He has you walk through the proposal from beginning to end, suggesting teeny tiny last n minute edits before he tells you that the proposal is beautiful and that it should be good to go after the last corrections have been made.

A relief.

You definitely deserved this massage, especially since you worked so hard, so long, on this shit [that wasn't necessarily even your responsibility] and took the project under your wing with grace.

Waltzing into Blissful Hands a bit before 4PM, the waiting room is a bit more packed than you the past two times you've been here. Yannie gives you a wave, signaling for you to do the same routine before seeing Yoongi. You sit there awkwardly, fiddling with your fingers until you see Yoongi poke his head out from the hallway to give you an 'i'm ready for you' nod. You purse your lips together and follow him to his room— this time, candles lit, incense burning.

"Uh, wow." You set your things aside. "Those smell really nice."

"Figured I'd help you relax a bit more this time." He looks at you. "How are you feeling today?"

"Good I guess, finally fucking finished that proposal I've been working on for months."

"Yeah?" He licks his bottom lip before turning. "That's good. Assuming you're in marketing like you've always dreamed of getting into?" You shrug before walking towards the back divider.

"Mhm." It's quiet for a moment as you switch out of your clothes and get into the robe, gently sitting on the edge of the table while your feet dangle as Yoongi prepares the rest of his supplies. He finally turns and comes towards you, hand brushing the hair away from your shoulder.

"Is it okay if I start with the front today?" He asks you.

"Do you always do that?"

"Sometimes, If I wanna switch it up."

"You know best." He chuckles a bit.

"Lie down, please." He hands you a smaller linen to cover your breasts when you slip out of the robe and lie down in the position he needs you to be in.

"Did you really feel bad for last time?"

"Kinda, yeah. Not gonna lie. Didn't want you to think I was coming off like a dick."

"Maybe just a tad. Understandable though. It's my fault."

"Sorry." He says. "I am happy to see you again, you know?" He says softly. "You always win."

"Win?" You watch as he drips some oil down your arm, eyes locking onto yours as he places the tiny bottle down. He starts to work his hands down your arm and up to your shoulder, to the base of your neck, his touch sending tingles down your spine this time.

"I can never stay mad at you." He says huskily. "After all this time, I didn't think it'd be the same way, but it is."

"Elaborate."

"I—" He sighs a bit, positioning himself right above your head as he drops more oil down your left arm and abdomen. "I was just remembering the times we spent together, that's all."

"I miss it." You simply tell him. You know your eyes should be shut right now, but for some reason, you can't. He doesn't even tell you to, and you know it's his intention when he locks eyes with you during the duration of his warm up. Even as Yoongi turns to grab some of his stones, he still looks at you.

He keeps looking at you.

You swallow the lump in your throat when he takes a stone down your arm, slowly. His body drops a little closer to yours, his chin almost matching your level when he brings it back up and down with the right pressure.

"Does it feel okay?" He asks, close to a whisper, lips only inches away from yours.

"Mhm." You look at him.

"Harder? Softer? Let me know."

"It's perfect, Yoongi."

"Okay." He works your arms before moving the smaller stones to your abdomen. His finger gently brushes over the linen cloth covering your clothed pussy, his eyes flickering back up to you when he catches you slightly flinch. "You okay?"

"Sorry, was just not ready for that."

"I'll take it slow." He says, his hands using the stones as an extension as he kneads and kneads gently into your stomach and abdomen. You weren't sure why, but you were nervous around him. But in a way where you had hoped you were still enough for him. In a way where he'd look at you and still remember how he felt about you back in the day, even if you couldn't get that back. At least he'd remember.

His touch makes your palms sweaty and he feels that when he takes his tiny stones against your palm and places them in between your fingers.

"Nervous?"

"Not really." He smirks.

"You don't have to lie, I can tell Y/N." He gives you a hand massage. "Don't be nervous, okay? I told you I wanted you to relax this time around."

"Okay."

"Gonna move to your legs now." He uncovers your right leg, locking eyes with you once again when he lets the oil drip from your thigh to your inner thigh, even as he continues to move down your leg. His large hands start from your feet, up to your calf and knee before he's kneading your thigh and inner thigh. Your breathing hitches when you feel him getting closer and closer to your heat, only for him to pull away and grab his stones.

"Yoongi?" You panic and call for him even though you don't necessarily know what you're trying to say right now.

"Mhm?"

"T-that felt nice." You recover quickly.

"Yeah?" He focuses the stone in his palm against your inner thigh, watching as you close your eyes momentarily, body feeling heavy but relaxed in his grip. "Good."

And it's like that, it just continues to be a teasing game for the majority of the session. You weren't sure what Yoongi was hinting at during this moment, but god, did he make you feel good. He always knew how to make you feel good, one way or another. The session goes on for the full hour, Yoongi standing near the side of the table as you try to sit up and stable yourself post-mini nap while he worked on your back. He places his hand on your thigh as your cover your body with the linen cloth, brushing your hair back as you sit and get yourself together.

"Yo, are you okay? Was it that bad?" You chuckle.

"Shut up. It felt so nice. I wish I could just lay here forever, seriously." He smiles. "You're really good at what you do."

"Thanks." You look at him and he doesn't say much, but he also doesn't move away. "Guess I'll be seeing you again then?"

"Maybe." You stand, bodies almost pressed together with the way he doesn't move in his position. "I just hope I'm not a bother."

"You've never been a bother. Just wanted you to actually enjoy yourself." He says. The pause lingers for longer than you imagined, and you're not entirely sure what takes over you in that brief moment [although you kinda do], but you move yourself closer to him, lips crashing into his.

He doesn't move away.

He takes the kiss and runs with it, hands coming up to the small of your back to press you flush against him. You can feel the bulge in his pants against your covered core, and suddenly, you want more out of Yoongi. You're just not sure if you could have it the same way you did before—

"Do you know what you're doing right now?" He pulls back slightly, whispering against your lips.

"Think so."

"I don't know if we should be doing this again."

"Then why didn't you stop me earlier?"

"Shit is just going to get complicated."

"It doesn't have to be. What was all that during the session?"

"I was just doing my job, Y/N" He steps back a bit, teeth nibbling onto his bottom lip. "I—yeah." He sets his things aside. "We probably shouldn't." He scratches at his temple, flustered from the kiss because yeah, does he want you. He really does miss you, does miss having that relationship he had with you— keeping you close, having you to himself at one point.

He's not sure why or how these feelings came rushing back, but they did, especially after you laid that kiss on him moments ago. It's like the complete closure you two were looking for never came because it brought you two to this very moment where maybe, you didn't need to close that part off. Maybe, you both didn't need to shut each other out completely for the rest of your lives.

Maybe, it would be better this time around.

But no, Yoongi still gets a little afraid, still is doubtful. He doesn't know anything about your life right now besides you working your dream job. Hell, you could have a man for all he knows and that could all be fucked up and complicated now.

What was he doing?

What were you two doing?

That was always the question, and that's probably the biggest reason why he just had to step away in the first place.

"Um, I'll give you some space to get dressed." He says, clearing his throat. "You can make your next appointment at the front after, okay?"

"Wait, Yoongi—" You watch as he scurries on out, shutting the door behind him and leaving you to your own peace. "Fuck." You run your hand through your hair, dragging the stupid linen cloth along with you to the back divider to get changed. You still hoped you could catch him, so you hurriedly throw on your clothes and grab your bag, not realizing that your wallet had been poking out and fell onto the floor in the midst of your swift motions.

No Yoongi in sight.

You let out a deep sigh, tugging on your bag strap as you walk out and greet Yannie with that same old 'it felt amazing' smile you always give her before walking out of the establishment.

Fresh air. Fresh, fresh air. No tension, no suffocation.

"Rissa, fuck." You call her as soon as you step into your door, tossing off your shoes and throwing your keys aside. "I'm sorry, I know it's probably still stupid early there but I need you."

"What happened?" She sleepily asks, still trying to get some shut eye in before she has to fully wake up for her day.

"I kissed him."

"Oh fuck." She lets out with a laugh. "Ohhh fuck. Wow, yeah, I like waking up to this kinda news."

"No, bad!" You tell her in a whiny tone. "I shouldn't have, and now it's probably gonna be so awkward. I couldn't help it though, I felt like he was teasing me all session and being gentle with me for certain reasons."

"He's a fucking masseuse, Y/N." She laughs.

"He was teasing me!"

"Listen, he probably liked the kiss so much he had to run off and hide his boner." She shuffles in the back. "That boy has always had it for you. I ship."

"Rissa."

"What, you can't tell me that this is out of the ordinary. You two are always so fucking weird about your relationship, especially you. Just get together already!" She yells into her pillow. "You two obviously have always really liked each other and those feelings never went away. Why don't you finally do something about it? I mean, don't you think there's a reason why you two crossed paths again?"

"Ugh."

"Yeah, ugh. You're telling me." She chuckles. "Go for it this time. Please don't hold back and just go for it." You pause, digging through your bag to try and find your wallet. "Hello? All of a sudden you don't wanna say shit." She jokes.

"Wait, oh my god." You start to panic a bit when you realize your wallet is nowhere to be found. "What the fuck!"

"What's wrong?"

"My wallet? It's gone? I don't know if I dropped it or—"

"Did you have it on you when you got to the massage parlor?"

"Yeah, I did." You sigh and run your hand through your hair. "Shit."

"Welp, guess you're going back to see Yoongi." She giggles. "I better hear about him clapping your cheeks when you get back."

"You're too much." You roll your eyes and shake your head. "I gotta go before I lose my shit even more."

"Update me, text me, whatever. I hope you find it, boo. I'm sure it's just there."

"Thanks. I'll keep you posted." You grab your keys, sighing deeply as you slip back into your shoes and head out back to the parlor. It's not as busy as it was earlier, with only two people waiting in the waiting room for their sessions. Yannie is surprised to see you back, questioning whether or not something had gone wrong during your last session. You simply tell her no, and that you were just over to check if your wallet had fallen out in Yoongi's room. Luckily, he doesn't have anyone back there just yet, so she lets you head on back and straight to his room.

No Yoongi again, though.

You peek your head in at first, scanning the room to see if Yoongi may have just been hiding in the corners, but he wasn't there. You welcome yourself into the room anyway, figuring you were harmlessly looking for your wallet. You scan the side of the room thoroughly, checking the sides, crevices, making sure you weren't missing the item as you passed along. When you finally hit the back area, you catch a glimpse of your wallet right underneath the divider, giving you some relief.

"Oh, thank god." You mutter to yourself.

"What're you doing?" You jump, startled at Yoongi's voice as he stands at the doorway with a tangerine in his hand.

"I—uh, dropped my wallet. Didn't realize it until I got home." You raise your wallet and shyly show him.

"Oh." Is all he says.

"Sorry, I'll get out of your way now." You try to rush out but he blocks your path, holding his hand out.

"Wait, you don't have to rush out."

"Kinda want to after earlier." You directly tell him.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't know what to do in the moment." He looks at you, genuinely trying to apologize. "I mean— it happened so fast. I didn't know what to say or do." He stumbles over his own words.

"You shouldn't be the one apologizing."

"Look Y/N, I didn't mean all of that. I didn't mean to lead you on, or anything. It was kinda just.. a defense mechanism for me. It's been so long since we both had been close in that way and I'm afraid you'd pull the same shit."

"Things change, you know? Even though I didn't try before, doesn't mean I wouldn't try this time around." You try to brush past him, but you still aren't successful. "Yoongi, please just let me get home."

"I know things change." He says. "Can we— can we just do that whole thing over?"

"You'd want to?" You cock your head to the side, trying your best to read him.

"I know we both had our own faults in the past and I want to leave that there as much as possible. At the same time, I really missed you and it's been hitting me ever since the first time you walked into this establishment. I don't know what it is about you, Y/N. I don't know if I'll ever figure it out. But I want us to move past that and start fresh, whatever that means. I'd hate to let you slip away again." He looks at you, stares into your soul almost. You don't really know what to say except, you know this feeling all too well. You've felt this for Yoongi for so long, you've thought about him and your relationship with him for so long. He was the one you couldn't stop thinking about, the one who you always managed to ponder 'what if's' and 'maybe's' about.

You're also terrible with words, but you nod anyways. And you finally find the courage to tell him—

"I feel the same way." He gives you a tiny smile before placing his tiny tangerine down on the counter. He gently cups your cheeks, pulling you in for a kiss that manages to deepen quickly— so quickly that you find yourself being carried onto the table. Yoongi sits you on the end, hands roaming up your sides before giving it a good squeeze.

"I wasn't sure how to take it earlier, please don't take it personally." He whispers near your jaw as he begins to pepper it with light kisses. You tilt your head back slightly to give him more area to work with, eyes shut and rolling to the back of your head when you feel his tongue glide over your neck and below your ear.

"I'm sorry. I—" You whisper back, trying to explain why you had the sudden urge to kiss him at that moment, but he cuts you off.

"It's fine, you don't need to explain. We're here now, right? Can't necessarily turn back." His lips graze yours as his hand travels down your shirt, tugging on the bottom half to signal that he wants you out of it. "Don't necessarily want to, either."

"Fuck— don't you have someone coming in soon?"

"In about 30 minutes, yeah."

"Yoongi."

"Can make you cum before then, right?" He smirks, finally getting you out of your top.

"Is that on your secret menu?"

"No." He chuckles. "Promise." His hands start to roam over your breasts, giving them a good squeeze while he continues to kiss you passionately— working his tongue in your mouth, sucking on your tongue in between. He tugs on your bottoms, getting you to slip out of them with ease. He feels the wet spot pooling on those thin, black panties you have on and it instantly sends blood rushing to his dick—

The fact that you two still had this affect on each other, he couldn't help himself.

You continue to kiss him roughly, passionately, as you get him out of his own clothes, tossing all the pieces of fabric to various points in the room. He slips you out of your panties, instantly rubbing his thumb against your clit. You let out a quick, muffled moan against his lips, only for Yoongi to pull back and smirk at you.

"Like that?" You nod.

"Why'd you stop?"

"Thought I could make it a little more fun." You watch as he grabs his oil and his smaller stones. "If.. that's okay with you. These were the ones I used on you earlier."

"Okay." You say, close to a whisper, gently bringing your lips back onto his. Your hands snake up his neck to get a good grip on his orange strands, tugging on them lightly as he works his way down to your neck again. He pulls away slightly, locking eyes with you before he spreads your legs wider and lets some drops of oil fall down your abdomen and onto your pussy.

He sees your breathing hitch again, but this time, he takes the stone and presses it against your clit to start massaging the oil around.

"Yoongi, fuck." You breathe out as you sit back a bit further, head tilting in pleasure.

"Can already tell how wet you are for me." He bites onto his bottom lip as he continues to work the stone and oil against your clit, free hand slipping in two fingers to pump in and out of you. If it weren't for the soft music Yoongi had playing in the background, you were sure people passing by could hear how wet you were. Because to Yoongi, all he hears is you. The way your pussy sounds when he works his digits inside, the way you let out soft moans as you sit back and let him do his work.

"Need you inside." You let out breathily as you open your eyes again and watch Yoongi damn near pierce his bottom lip with how quick he's trying to work his magic and make you cum on his fingers.

"Wanna cum for me first?" He says near the surface of your neck, lips grazing below your ear before he takes your earlobe into his mouth and gently tugs back. He works the stone faster against your clit, the pressure enough to have you reaching the edge quicker than expected even if the stone was losing its heat.

"Fuck, yeah— like that—" You whine, working your hips against his motions. "Shit, I'm gonna cum—" In a matter of seconds, you feel your high, body twitching as you finally tip over the edge and call Yoongi's name. He slowly pumps his digits in and out, helping you work through your high until he slowly removes it from inside of you. He smirks, setting the stone and oil aside before grabbing at your jaw.

"Open." You do as told, allowing Yoongi to slip in his fingers just so you could have a taste of yourself. "That's my girl." He says.

"Wanna feel you, please." You beg, watching as Yoongi strokes his rock hard cock before bringing you back closer to the edge of the table and spreading your legs wide open for him.

"I got you, baby. You know I always do. Lay back for me and relax." He says, dropping some oil down the valley of your breasts, your stomach. He takes two stones into his palms, gliding it over your chest and stomach, multitasking to add the right pressure through his hands while he takes a hardened bud into his mouth and tongues it in circular motions.

"Oh my god—" You whine, feeling him move onto the next nipple to repeat the process, his tongue gliding effortlessly over your bud. When he finally feels like he's had enough teasing you and making you beg for more, he leans back, setting his shit aside before giving your clit a good rub. He spits on to your pussy, watching it drip down to meet his cock as he slowly penetrates your entrance. Your mouth falls open, a silent moan releasing. It's been years, but you could never forget how Yoongi always made you feel so good, so fucking full and complete.

"Fuck, missed this." He huffs as he bottoms out. He stays in his position for awhile, afraid to move and release too fast, even though he knows he's on a bit of a time crunch right now. He slowly begins to thrust in and out of you, finding his rhythm after a few strokes. He's careful to make sure he doesn't make too much noise with the table, careful to place his hand over your mouth when he starts to hear you moan loudly again as he picks up his pace.

But all in all, his end goal was to make you beg for more and fuck you into oblivion.

Which, he always manages to do. He manages to do it tonight. He's fucking you so good and so deep that you're screaming his name into his palm, tears spilling over and staining your cheeks. His hand has a tight grip onto your thigh, keeping you stationary as he rocks into you— in and out, in and out.

"Baby shit, you feel so good." He moans deeply, head tilting back in pleasure for a quick moment before he's focused on you and only you. "Gonna make me cum all over you. You want that?" You nod, whimpering a quick 'mhm' into his palm once again while he continues with the momentum he has going. You tap his wrist a few times, signaling that you're about to reach your high again tonight, and he picks up on a quick.

"Cumming—" You manage to mumble.

He sees the way you grip onto his wrist.

Feels the way you're clenching around his cock.

Watches the quick way your chest rises with every breath.

It's not long before he feels you tightening around him, eyes shut as you dig your nails onto his wrist and moan loudly into his hand.

"Fuck, gonna cum with you." He groans. The sight, the feeling, is enough for Yoongi reach his high, quickly pulling out to release his seed all over the surface of your pussy.

"Holy shit." You pant, laying there as you and Yoongi try to regulate your breathing. His hands run up your sides to help soothe you, leaning down to place a kiss on your lips before coming back up to grab a towel near the table.

"You okay?"

"More than okay." He chuckles.

"Let me clean you up." He says, wetting the towel and cleaning you up before helping you up from the table.

"You have like 7 minutes before your next client." He shrugs.

"It's fine, I'll clean up quick." You slip back into your own clothes.

"The stones?" You look at him and point at the table.

"Ah, yeah. I'll sanitize those but I'll probably stash them away for you." You laugh.

"Wow, I get my own set of dedicated stones, huh?"

"Probably better that way, anyway. I have extra, and Yannie can always order more for me." You shake your head.

"Thanks, by the way." You raise your wallet. "Needed this."

"Figured." He fixes his shirt and tucks it into his pants before letting out a breath and walking back towards you. "So, am I gonna see you again?" He pulls you tightly by the waist, keeping you flush against him as you look him in the eyes and smile.

"Just might." He chuckles and nods before caressing your chin and placing a warm, soft peck against your lips.

"Let me know when you get home, alright?"

"Okay. Have a good rest of your shift." You giggle before walking out and leaving him to his peace. Getting home, all you could think about was the sudden turn of events and how you were going to tell Rissa about the shit that just happened.

She'd be fucking ecstatic.

She was.

Not even gonna lie.

You had to pull the phone from your ear a couple of times even though that girl claimed she was going to keep it a minimum since she was supposedly on a team call. And to be quite honest, you liked every bit of it even though it made you flustered at times. You liked it because you finally felt like you could do this right, could do him right. You liked it because it finally felt like things had fallen into place and that the closure you thought you needed didn't have to actually come—

Because now, you and Yoongi could finally move on and move past that grey area, together.

>> 1.5 MONTHS LATER

For days, you and Yoongi had continued to see each other at the parlor, both for hot stone reasons and other reasons, before he was finally seeing you at your place and vice versa. Following those weeks and the next month or so, you had started to see each other outside of work, spending a lot of time together and spending the night at each other's homes. Everything had grown quickly, but at the same time, it only felt natural being that you and Yoongi had known each other and had been in this space before. It almost feels like you two picked up right where you left off, even though the both of you considered this to be a fresh start.

It felt amazing, real, genuine.

Like everything had fallen right into your lap just how it should have. And hell yeah, you learned your lesson from the beginning. You weren't gonna mess this up again.

"Scoot." He smiles when he sees you laying down in his bed with nothing on. You set your phone on his nightstand, gripping the sheets closer to your body when you turn and face him. He slips himself in, immediately pulling you flush against his body before brushing the hair out of your face. "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing." He lets out a small laugh, giving your side a light squeeze.

"Say it, baby."

"It's just kinda crazy, isn't it?"

"What?"

"This. Us?"

"It's crazy only if you make it crazy." You playfully punch him on the chest.

"Seriously." You pout and he gives in, he always gives in.

"A bit, but I wouldn't think too much of it. Guess this is how it was meant to happen."

"Never got that closure because we never needed the closure." You added.

"Are you happy, though?"

"Of course I am." He looks at you and presses a kiss against your forehead.

"I want you to let me know when you aren't, okay? The last thing I want is for you to be unhappy. Doesn't matter if that means with me or not. I just want you to be honest."

"I know. But, I am." He nods.

"Okay." You lean in and kiss him on the lips just as he turns from shutting off his nightstand light.

"Sleeping already?" You mumble against his lips and he smirks.

"I mean, fuck. Yeah? Was hoping to at least get some sleep tonight." You giggle, gently grabbing at his jaw and pulling him in for another kiss.

"No fuuuun." You whine.

"What'd you have in mind then?"

"Oh, I don't know? Thought we could just stay up and talk." His breathing hitches when he feels your soft hand stroking his cock, hardening by the minute.

"S-stay up and talk, huh?" He lets out a breathy moan when he feels you pump him slowly, grabbing his tip and smearing his pre-cum all over your clit. "Aren't you tired, baby?"

"Nope. We don't have to go all the way, though." You say, slipping his cock in between your legs, enough for it to glide smoothly back and forth between your pussy lips. A low groan emits from his lips, hand gripping onto your ass to keep you close. He sucks onto your bottom lip before biting down and pulling back.

"Always make me feel so good." He whispers, feeling your wetness spread across his length. It's almost embarrassing how quick you can make him cum just by doing this but god, it felt heaven sent. Just being with you, by you, all around you, felt heaven sent.

"I could at least do my part somehow, right?" You giggle, nipping at his chiseled jawline while rocking along his length, picking up your pace at the same time. He feels your tongue swipe against the surface across his throat, making Yoongi let out a moan that has him stressing—

"B-baby, gonna make me cum—fuck—" His pants getting heavier, cock twitching underneath you. You glide slowly, feeling his tip brush up against your clit before sliding back down before picking up your pace again.

"Gonna cum with you." You whisper, feeling yourself tipping over the edge with every move you make at this point. When Yoongi finally lets himself go, it's mid-kiss and he's having to grip your waist tightly as he releases white ribbons messily all over your legs and in between. You tremble in his grip, allowing yourself to fully let go as well while he holds you close.

"That felt so good, princess." He presses a kiss against your temple, holding you close to him as you come down from your own high. He grabs a few napkins from the nightstand to clean you both up nicely before he's tossing it into the trash can and shutting his eyes when his body crashes back onto the mattress.

"Yeah it did." You throw your leg over him as you lay on his chest and listen to his heartbeat slowing down. "Are you really gonna sleep?"

"Baby." He laughs. "Yes?! As much as I love you, you fucking wear me out. Sheesh." You chuckle.

"Fine."

"Goodnight. Expect me to wake you up bright and early though."

"Mhm." You tease as he kisses the top of your head. As promised, Yoongi does wake you up very bright and early for another round. And you loved these moments with him, you loved it even more now because he was yours and you were his. No more of that bullshit, that fuckbuddy-no-strings-attached-but-kinda-strings-attached grey area you both had going on for years.

It just felt right.

When the both of you split ways in the morning for work, you figured you'd visit him during his lunch just to spend more time with him [as if you didn't already]. Rissa calls you while you drive over to the parlor just as she makes her way to the airport as her work trip finally comes to an end.

Not only was Yoongi yours, but your bestfriend was finally coming home.

Yeah, shit felt right.

"You better tell him I'm coming over as soon as I reach the airport so I can tease the hell out of both of you."

"Yeah, yeah."

"I'm so happy. Fucking finally. I get to come home. I get to spend time with my bestfriend. I get to see her happy. Maybe I'll finally find somebody to mess with at Blissful Hands, too."

"Please." You laugh. "Don't even start."

"Can't promise." She squeals. "I'm excited. I'll text you as soon as I'm on my way over, alright?"

"Oh, you were serious?"

"Yeah I fucking was, you better make room for me. Yoongi can wait." You nod.

"Alright, alright. Speaking of him, I just got here. Have a safe flight, okay? I love you."

"I love you too!" You end the call and tuck your phone into your purse before heading into the establishment.

"Goodmorning Miss Y/N." Yannie smiles at you.

"Hey!"

"He's on his lunch in the back."

"Cool, thanks." You say, heading back towards Yoongi's room. On the way over, you see his colleagues getting ready for their own clients. One smiles at you [Taehyung or was it Namjoon?] while the other mumbles to him—

"Great, gonna have to hear him fuck her brains out again." Which you catch on the way to Yoongi's, making you giggle to yourself before you greet your man and shut the door behind you.

tags: @spideyjimin​ @miinoongi​ @thebeebi​ @ggukkieland​ @bluesharksandfish​ @unicornbabylover​ @preciouschimine​ @codeinebelle​ @shesoldbutcute​ @jikookiekosmos​ @awhnamjoon​ @namjooningelsewhere​ @bunnybearrj​ @babycoffeefire​ @bri-mal​ @sintaethick​ @taejkjoons​ @love2luvya-blog​ @pb-n-juju​ @dianaxnyc​ @fan-ati--c​ @jungjoonie​ @jcsmae​ @favouritesblog​ @ppeachyttae​ @awseokjin​ @jjk1iscoming​ @moonchild1​ @vantxx95​ @genzslayer​ @knjeuphoria​ @jksjx​ @oogawooga222 @yoonqki​ @halesandy​ @chimchimmarie​ @deliciousdetectivestranger​ @lookhere-2seok​ @persphonesorchid​

[appleciders]

ok listen you’re SO right about beforeigners, I love the concept and my linguistics-loving heart skips a beat when they break out the old Norse and 19th century norwegian and I just WISH the show did not do so many of the other things it did because it could be so much better. forgive me for barging in I just saw your post and yeah

oh dude NO need to apologize it's so good to find someone who's watched it other than my parents lmaooo. no i so agree with you, there's so much POTENTIAL there and while it's enough to keep me watching i do have so many "imagine if they could do right by this super cool concept" daydreams. this got super long so im gonna stick it under the cut lol

like first off i wish they didn't feel the need to limit it to a cop show? like i get that it's easy and has automatic intrigue and a tried and true success record, but it's kind of lazy. aside from being Very Over the glorification of cops, i really am so invested in the idea of a show that explores the intersections of all the different spheres that were impacted by the repercussions of their worldbuilding? like you have this setup! now show me the teachers and childcarers. the social workers. clothing production and the food service world. the economic differences—the old norse who are trying to rely on the gift economy only to be hit by the closed fist of capitalism. show the tensions and social movements. actually explore the neo-luddite plot instead of throwing it away after a few episodes because yeah, actually, the industrial revolution has fucked a lot of shit up!! dig into it!!

like alfhildr is great and i did watch all of season 1 in a day so maybe i missed it but i still don't even remember if i know why she wanted to be a cop, of all things? it feels like her moral compass—and history as a shieldmaiden of the old ways at a time when christianity was crusading and trying to impose their authority on her people and her way of life—would chafe against that kind of imposed bureaucratic authority on her community. if they desperately wanted to keep the murder mystery component, i would've been more interested in an "alfhildr works a minimum wage job to pay off her student debt, unable to find better paying work because of temporal discrimination. one of her friends/coworkers/neighbors is killed and the authorities don't pay any attention and want to sweep it under the rug. she works to try to solve the murder—often at odds with local law enforcement—while also protecting her other friend/coworker/neighbor because she's wrapped up in the human trafficking of time displaced people. there still can be the intrigue of her origins, too!

in this situation, her co-protagonist is her coworker/neighbor who isn't time displaced, but is a migrant of color. maybe like lars, they have a family they love deeply and complexly, which parallels and foils alfhildr's strong non-biological kinship ties. paired together, the two allow a fuller, more nuanced exploration and interplay between the dynamics of this fictional time-ism or whatever they call it and the already established xenophobia and racism that pervades norwegian society, the differences there, and the shared experiences of poverty. discrimination, loss of home, and adapting to a new language. they of course also have a fun interpersonal repartee like the duo in the existing show!

and like okay sure fine if we're not Overhauling the whole series...if they had to make it a cop drama (which again. formulaic in a way that undersells how cool this setup is!)...they could've still had lars be the above. and in either iteration they should have people of color/immigrants/jewish people in the writers' room! they'd be able to craft the narrative far more fully and address the Bigger Issues i was speaking to in that post (which almost certainly come from a writers room that's almost entirely white).

and as far as season 2 goes....like the first three episodes and the last three episodes were Completely and Entirely different. why did i have to care about the people who were pretending to be the scotland yard people at all again? i don't feel like they had any bearing on the overarching plotlines? why did they have to accuse their only jewish character of being jack the ripper for most of his featured time??? what was the point of starting the season with his family's shabbat prayers if it wasn't going to be relevant?? and if alex was going to play the role he did, it would have been great if he'd been developed. i don't really have any feelings about him,because they never really let us know him. i feel like his twist could've paid off so much more if we'd had an attachment, you know? also, season 2 could've stood to mention alfhildr's best friend like, at least once!

i do wonder - and this will of course be revealed in time - if they learned they weren't going to be able to have a season 3. because the reason i can see for why you would shove so much together like that in such a rushed way (like the reveal at the end!! which i saw your post about and if you want to talk about my dms are open!! bonkers!!) is that you're worried you won't be able to unfold it in later episodes and you want to leave your fans on a kind of satisfied note? like in fairness to them, that's a pretty wild ending stroke!! and i guess if it can't be renewed, i don't feel like i have 16000 unanswered questions, which we would have, if we'd ended without finding out any hint of alfhildr's origins.

but then maybe they were just working within the parameters of 6 episode seasons and tried to bite off more than they could chew lmao! anyway, i totally hear you on the linguistics thing—it's cool. just like the intros—showing all the confluence and syncretism of people from different time periods is cool! and is why i cared enough to write out this whole essay!! anyway you're absolutely not barging in, thank you for dropping by <33

[donutloverxo]

On the run

Authors note - this is a series of closly related one shots hence tagged as soft!reader. This is for Ambers challenge! Hope you like it! This is like there was only one room instead of there was only one bed.

Please do not steal or repost my works on any other site. Reblogs are welcome.

Run through - You have to go on the run with your husband and share a room with Bucky.

Warnings - smut, daddy kink, voyeurism (fucking right next to Bucky lol), cockwarming, angst

Pairing - Steve Rogers x soft!reader

Word count - 3.3k

Masterlist is linked in the bio!

You paced back and forth in your living room. It wasn’t exactly yours but it had been your home for the past four years. Your floor to ceiling windows gave you an extensive and broad view of new York City. You were on the highest floor of the tower, it made the huge city seem so city. Usually the lights soothed you whenever you were anxious. But you weren’t sure if you had ever been so scared. Scared for your husbands life, scared for your future.

Steve had broke the law. Your Steve, the Captain America. It was so ironic. He was declared a terrorist and a wanted man. You felt as if this was a fever dream. Never in a million years did you think something like this would happen.

From what you knew Steve refused to sign the accords. Which you understood, he had his reasons and they were completely valid. You hoped the team would work it out amongst themselves and come to a compromise somehow. But from the looks of it, that will never happen. No one really asked for your opinion. Even if you were like family to them, at the end of the day you were a simple accountant turned stay at home wife. A job you had to give up to be with your Steve. When it got too dangerous for you to go out in the world. You hoped maybe just maybe, Steve would do the same for you. He talked of retiring, becoming a high school professor or working on his art. And like an idiot you let yourself indulge in that fantasy and got sweeped away.

Your life wasn’t bad by any means, in fact it was too perfect. Your friends were often envious of your perfect marriage and your dutiful husband. But you wanted more for Steve. You wanted him to slow down a bit, enjoy life, to not wake up screaming in the middle of the night in a pool of his own sweat and tears. You loved all of him, but you loved him the most when he was happy. Being an Avenger took a huge toll on him. You just wanted him to be happy.

You were being ‘escorted’ to the interrogation room. You had only been there once, to see Steve. You never thought you would be the one being interrogated.

You couldn’t help but feel resentful. You were in this grey room, under the harsh fluorescent lights, being asked all sort of intrusive questions as if you were a criminal, because of him. You gave up everything for him. You completely gave yourself to him. You didn’t have much left.

“Are you sure?” The man in the black suit asked again.

“Yes I’m sure! I think I would remember if my husband contacted me” you snapped.

“Alright. Please calm down ma'am” He said and you rolled your eyes at his patronising tone “You can leave for now but you’re not allowed to leave the premises. Let us know as soon as Rogers contacts you. If you don’t you will be an accomplice to his crimes”

His words echoed in your head on the way to ‘your' apartment. You sat back on your couch ready to drown your worries and your sorrows in some wine. The portrait Steve painted of you in a short white sundress, playing with some birds like a Disney Princess, hung on your wall almost taunting you. It was all superficial wasn’t it?

All the gifts he gave you, all the sketches he made of you. Every time he held the door open for you or tenderly made love to you, looking into your eyes and staring deep into your soul. Did all of that really matter? If he didn’t consider you or your relationship while doing something as brash as – you didn’t even know what he did. His duty won over his love for you. It always would.

You should’ve known. Your mother warned you. Told you you’re not the kind of person that would be fine with being the second or even fifth priority. Too possessive, too loving. People like you only ever get their hearts broken.

What did the future hold for you? You knew Steve, or at least you thought you did. You knew he wouldn’t help a war criminal. A terrorist. Sure said terrorist was Steve’s friend, but Steve was the kind of person that held others accountable. But at the end of the day Steve was just a human and a softie. You could see him being so loyal and going till the end of the line for his buddy.

You hummed as you felt a hand caressing your cheek. The feeling of his calloused fingers felt so familiar. It was a nice dream, an escape from this dystopian reality. You’d like to live in it forever but then your eyes snapped open as you heard him call out your name.

You sat up quickly sat up straight “Steve” you blurted out as you looked at your husband. In a dark blue, red, and white which was dirty enough to be black, suit. His short blond hair a bit frizzy, his left cheek blue and purple, unlike the neat and tidy look he usually sports. You looked into his eyes, which looked so tired and exhausted.

“We have to get out of here right now” He said gravely. But then his face softened. “It’s not safe here for you doll. I can’t leave you here, where I won’t be able to protect you” he said cupping your face with his hands.

You should have asked him a million questions. If what they were saying was true. Did he really help a terrorist? Attack his friends, whom you considered your family. But you didn’t. You simply crashed your lips upon his, taking his breathe away. It was soft, sweet but needy. Just like most of your reunion kisses. “I’ll follow you anywhere Steve” You said pulling away and looking into his sky blue eyes.

He gave your forehead a soft kiss before pulling you up. Telling you to collect your things as quickly as you can. You changed into a pair of jeans and sweatshirt, packing a few more t-shirts and pants.

“Hurry up doll we don’t have long” he urged you.

You made your way out of the apartment. You were walking to the elevator thinking you would be going down on it. “No, y/n we have to take the stairs. Come on” he took your hand.

He lead you to the emergency exit, one you didn’t even know existed. He was always good at reading and remembering maps. You smiled thinking of the time he easily got you both out of a very complicated Halloween maze.

“Steve why are we going upstairs?” You asked panting and trying your best to keep up with his face. You weren’t blessed with the super serum, you weren’t a huge fan of working out either.

“We have to take the jet and leave the country” He said rubbing your back. After a few seconds he hauled you over his shoulder “Hold on” He said sprinting up the stairs.

“Wouldn’t they notice us leaving in a literal quinjet?” You asked “What happens if you get caught Steve? What will they do to you?”

“Don’t worry about that right now” You wanted to laugh. Not worry? You were literally fleeing the country. How could you not worry.

You finally made it to the terrace, shivering in Steves hold against the chilly air Steve set you down in the jet. Before working on the kinks to get it started.

Surprisingly you made it out without anyone following you but you held your breathe. Not letting your guard down until you knew you were completely safe. As soon as you were in the air Steve put the jet on stealth mode. Finally letting his back rest against his chair and letting out a deep sigh.

“Steve” you couldn’t help the quiver in your voice trying your best to hold in your tears. “what is going on? Is it true? What they were saying?”

“What were they saying?” he said quirking a brow at you.

“That you helped a terrorist and you’re like a... war criminal now” you struggled to get the words out. Uncomfortable to even think such a thing could happen.

“You really think I could do something like that” He rested his elbows on the arms of his seat staring you down.

“I don’t. That’s why I’m here. But I have a right to know what happened”

His brows remained furrowed, as if he didn’t believe you. You had no idea how he managed to turn the whole conversation around and put you on the spot. “It’s Bucky” He said, his hard face softening.

Bucky, his best friend. Steve had carried the guilt of his death on his shoulders for years. Which only got worse when he found out that Bucky was indeed alive, being used as a weapon by hydra. “They tried to frame him. He didn’t do anything wrong. He’s been suffering for years”

You briskly got up from your seat as you saw the tears escape his eyes. You were selfish. Only caring about how this whole ordeal was affecting you. You couldn’t even imagine what Steve must have gone through. You sat on his lap, hugging him close to you as he held onto you so tightly, as if you would disappear if he didn’t. “Promise me you’ll never leave me” he choked out against the crook of your neck.

You ran your fingers through his hair lightly scratching his head with your nails, in the way you knew he liked. “I would never leave you Steve. I promise”

Over five hours later you made it to Moldova. A small country in eastern Europe. Steve hid the jet, saying he would need it later, since he had to come up with a plan to rescue your friends. Which would be much harder than rescuing you, they were in a maximum security prison, in the middle of a freaking ocean.

You tried your best to not think about that when you were on your way to a motel. You were nervous to meet Bucky, who Steve said would be there with you. You had never met any of Steve’s family. Since well they were dead. Back when you started dating he wasn’t really friends with his coworkers, so you never really received ‘the shovel talk' from them.

This was nerve wracking. What if he thought you weren’t worthy of Steve? Bucky was the only link to Steve’s past, his oldest friend, surely his opinion would mean the world to Steve.

“Hey it’ll be okay” Steve said squeezing your thigh from the drivers seat, something he liked to do whenever you both drove together. “I would never let anything happen to you. You know that right?” He looked at you before looking back at the icy roads.

“It’s not that. I know you’ll keep me safe Stevie. If nothing else I believe in that” You said as he gave you a small smile “this is all just overwhelming you know? I mean would we ever get to go back?” You asked although you knew neither of you knew the answer. “and then there’s Bucky”

“What about Bucky?” he asked.

“What if... he doesn’t like me? I know it’s silly!” You whined before he could make a snarky comment “We have other things to worry about and whatever but I want to make a good impression. Is there something I should remember not to do? Or to do?” You scrunched your nose at your strange question and this stranger reality. Where you get to meet your husbands best friend at the worst timing.

“Uh...” He contemplated your words for a minute “Well don’t hug him. I know you like to do that” he let out a laugh at just how sweet and likeable you are and how Bucky would love you the second he lays his eyes on you “Don’t worry sweetheart. Bucky’s the last thing you have to worry about. You wouldn’t have to even try to get him to like you”

You finally parked at the motel. Ever the gentleman, Steve held the door open for you holding your hand as you made your way up the shaky stairs. Steve knocked three times on the door before the tall brunette whom you recognised as Bucky from all his old pictures opened the door. He let you both in. You took off your coat the room wasn’t as warm as you’d like but it was definitely better than the harsh cold outside.

You watched as Steve embraced Bucky in a hug asking him how he was doing. You tried not to let your gaze linger too long on him, but you couldn’t help but admire him. He was a few inches shorter than Steve, but he had the same alert soldiery stance as Steve and the similar Brooklyn accent. Not to mention he was one of the most handsome men you’ve ever seen. He definitely looked more aged and somehow different than in the photos.

Steve introduced you “This is my wife” He said and Bucky gave you a small smile.

“This punk couldn’t stop talking about you” He said grabbing Steve by the back of his neck.

You were happy to see that even if they both had changed over time, their friendship and bond remained the same. “Good things I hope” You playfully squint your eyes at Steve.

“I’d never say anything bad about you doll” He walked towards you kissing your forehead and putting the backpack you packed on the bed. “You must be tired, you wanna go to bed?” He sat down on the bed cracking his neck, the stress of the last few days getting to him.

You finally had a chance to look around the room. It was what you’d expect from a shady motel. White floors which were now almost yellow, torn wallpaper and an old television. But then you looked at the twin beds. Looks like you’ll have to share one with Steve. You hoped he would be able to get proper sleep, with how tired he looked he really needed it. “I’m tired?” you teased him.

After freshening up and changing into your night clothes, you settled on the bed, sighing in relief as your sore back touched the hard mattress. Out of the corner of your eye you caught a glimpse of Bucky settling in on his bed beside you and his metal hand peeking out of his long sleeved shirt. You wondered what it looked it, did it hurt him? How was he able to move it so naturally as if it’s a part of his body? You really had to bite your tongue to not let your curiosity get the best of you.

“This will have to do for tonight sweetheart” Steve said spooning you from behind and pulling you into him. You sighed out as you felt his bare and warm chest through your tank top. You wouldn’t have to worry about being chilly. Bucky turned to lay on his side away from the both of you.

You hummed as Steve snaked a hand past your tank top and resting it on your soft tummy. Drawing small random patterns on it. Bucky turned off the lights, it wasn’t completely dark, there was plenty of moonlight coming through the window. You insisted on helping Steve out of his steath suit, so you could check in on his wounds and treat them, it was a post mission ritual for you both. But Steve refused to let you in as he changed in the bathroom alone. You feared that his wounds were worse than he was letting on.

“I missed you princess” he whispered in your hair, snapping out of your thoughts. “did you miss me?”

Bucky was snoring and seemed to be in a deep slumber but just to be safe you kept your voice low “I did” You said wiggling your ass against his crotch. You weren’t surprised to find his pretty hard erection there.

“Yeah?” He smirked ghosting his fingers at the elastic of your shorts “how much” before he could dip his fingers your hands stopped him

“Not now” you whispered harshly “Bucky is sleeping right there” you scolded. How he could even think about sex right now you had no idea. You would be mortified if you Bucky woke up to find you both in the middle of it.

“We’ll just be quiet” He said slipping his fingers past your shorts and panties and between your thighs. You wanted to stop him. You really did. But you realised just how much you missed him when he brushed his fingers against your warm folds.

“I can’t be quiet! You know that” You whined as he dipped his finger in your heat. You had no idea what had gotten into him. He loved making you moan, scream and cry. Did he want Bucky to hear you both make love? Steve was more perverted than he let on but this was something even you didn’t know.

“You will try for me won’t you?” He rolled your clit between his fingers and kissed your temple to sooth your thrashing “don’t you wanna be a good girl for me? Hm?” he asked driving three of his fingers inside of you to warm you up.

You should be embarrassed at the sinful noises that your cunt was making, you could hear them clearly since you had to be quiet. But you weren’t. In the moment you just needed to cum. “I wanna cum daddy please” Your voice muffled against the pillow you had pushed your face into to drown out your moans.

“Then cum doll” he said thrusting his fingers into you with purpose.

“I wanna cum on your cock daddy” He groaned at that.

Pulling his fingers out of you. He pulled your panties and your shorts down, bringing the blankets up to your neck “You comfy princess?” You nodded. He pulled his cock out of his sweats nudging it between your buttcheeks. He pulled your bare leg placing it over his hip and holding it there as he slowly pushed into you. He pushed his other hand under you to hold onto and fondle your breasts.

In any other situation this position would be uncomfortable but right now you felt as warm and safe to be surrounded by him. You didn’t feel the need to cum anymore, content with the warmth and the weight of his cock inside you. His steady breathing and heart beat lulling you to sleep.

He didn’t like that. He snapped his hips and pushed his cock deeper inside you. “Don’t fall asleep on me now princess” He warned as he slowly fucked into you.

You dug your nails into his hand which was squeezing your breast as you tried your best to contain your moans. You let out a mewl as Steve stroked your clit while making slow love to you. You were tipped over the edge, cuming hard around his cock and on his fingers.

“Shit” He said as the pace of his thrusts increased “you’re so tight doll. So snug” He bit your ear to keep from groaning out loud. He was about to pull out of you, to clean you up with a washcloth. He wouldn’t trust the towels the hotels provided but he did see you pack a couple, he could use those.

But you tightened the grip of your leg on his hip, forcing him to stay in place. You looked over your shoulder and he could barely make out your pout in the dim light “Stay inside please. Keep me warm” You requested. He had never been good at saying no to you.

So he pecked your lips and chose to forget about the myriad of problems facing him and all of you. At least for now.

Tags will be in the reblogs! If you want to join my taglist click the link in the bio or leave me an ask!

I am sorry about the shitton of nicknames. I just like sweet nicknames ok🥺🥺

[boasamishipper]

otp questions for icemav of course, but also harry/perry from kiss kiss bang bang

1. Are they more “cute forehead kisses” or “hot making out” kind of couple? Maybe one prefers first option and the other one the second? How do they deal, in that case?

Ice and Mav are more of a "hot making out" kind of couple when they first get together, but as the years go by they develop a fondness for cute forehead kisses and the like as well - especially once they're married and can engage in the occasional public display of affection. Mav likes it when Ice kisses him on the nose and on the forehead, and Ice is a fan of cheek kisses and neck kisses, and both enjoy making out lol. Whatever feels most natural at the moment is what they go for.

Harry and Perry are definitely a "hot making out" kind of couple - the more cutesy types of kisses aren't really their thing, especially not in public. Occasionally Harry will bring Perry his morning coffee and kiss him on the forehead, or on the top of his head, and Perry will do his utmost to pretend not to like it.

2. If they wanted to shower their significant other with affection, how would they do that? Dinner in some fancy restaurant, gift, kisses and cuddles or an evening together on a couch with hot tea and very intimate talk?

Mav would treat Ice to dinner in a fancy restaurant, followed by a romantic evening featuring wine and rose petals between the bedsheets. Ice would cook Mav's favorite meal and they'd either go out for a night on the town or they'd spend the evening together at home with a stupid movie on TV (while they make out and/or have sex on the couch).

Perry is not really one to shower anybody with big displays of affection, least of all his significant other - with Harry, he shows his affection through touch (holding hands, kisses, embraces, cuddling, etc.), and calls him an idiot a little less often (or just with more fondness than normal). Harry tries now and then to shower Perry with big displays of affection, except in typical Harry fashion his attempts always end in disaster - his gift is stolen, his dinner reservation is canceled, Perry and Harry are kidnapped by the people they're investigating on their way to go to the theater, and so on and so forth. Perry likes old musicals, expensive whiskey, and Harry. Harry does his best to provide.

3. Are they comfortable with showing each other affection in public? If one is and the other one not, how do they interact in public?

Ice and Mav become more comfortable with PDA after they get married - Ice takes a little longer to get used to actually being able to show Mav affection in public, to just be out after so long in the closet, but Mav is patient with him and helps him loosen up. Their PDA doesn't really go further than chaste kisses and holding hands, at least at work functions (where at least half of Mav's sentences start with My husband and I); when they're with friends Mav will put his head against Ice's shoulder when they're seated, maybe sit in his lap as a joke, or Ice will stroke Mav's hair, kiss his hairline.

Perry thinks PDA is stupid until Harry gets flirted with one too many times in front of him; after that, Perry makes a habit out of touching Harry in some capacity, kissing Harry in public, flirting with him, but after a while it becomes less out of jealousy / staking his claim and more of something he actually enjoys doing. Harry flirts right back - he has an entire notebook's worth of pet names for Perry (ranging from baby to Per-bear) - and is pleased that his not-so-evil scheme of being flirted with in front of Perry resulted in Perry being more affectionate with him in public.

4. Do they have pet names? Do they like to embarrass each other in front of their friends/family/coworkers with some silly ones? Or do they keep it with basics, like “sweetheart” or “honey”?

Mav and Ice occasionally call each other by their ranks - mostly as foreplay - and 'baby' when they're feeling particularly romantic, but Mav and Ice are usually just Mav and Ice or Mitchell and Kazansky with one another and in front of their friends/family/coworkers.

Perry and Harry's list of pet names for one another are Varied. There are the tried and trues baby and sweetheart, and fond versions of idiot, dick, asshole, pretentious fuck, moron, and stupid fuck, and (in Harry's case, because Perry Will Not Do This) pet versions of their real names, e.g. Per or Per-Bear.

5. If one of them was away for longer time, like a week, how their significant other would greet them back?

Mav and Ice would do their best to keep in touch while the other was away, and would greet the other with Much Enthusiasm when they'd return. Afterwards, to celebrate the other's return, they'd go out to dinner, or take a couple day vacation, or just go straight to bed together and celebrate Properly in the morning. Either way sex is definitely involved.

Harry is more enthusiastic when Perry returns after being away for a longer time - he gets the house clean and/or the office in order and then pretty much jumps Perry the second he gets through the door. (Not that Perry minds.) Perry tries to play it blasé when Harry comes back from an extended trip - he pretends to not have remembered Harry's arrival date, when he's had it circled on his calendar from pretty much the second Harry walked out the door - but is absolutely terrible at it. That blasé attitude lasts about five minutes before Perry and Harry end up in bed with one another. The phrases "So you did miss me" and "shut up Harry" are very well worn by now.

6. How often do they say “I love you” to one another? On daily basics, leaving to work, with a kiss on a cheek and quick “love u, bye!” or it’s more rare and more emotional?

Daily (or almost daily) basics the longer they're together for Icemav, in more rare and emotional cases for Harry and Perry. Harry and Perry are quicker to throw around the occasional sarcastic Love you too babe and I can't believe I love you, but just regular I love yous are reserved for more serious occasions.

7. Do they keep track of each other during the day? Asking how is that important meeting going and texting “I <3 u”? Or they just text each other grocery list and talk when they are both home?

Harry and Perry text each other a lot. Harry is a magnet for trouble, and Perry texts him often during work to make sure he's doing his job (and, during more dangerous cases, because he wants to know if Harry's alright). They text about work more often than not and do talk more often about non-work-related things when they're at home, but there is some overlap. Harry loves it when he can get Perry to go on long rants about something he's passionate about over text when they're both supposed to be working.

Ice and Mav work together as well, but due to the nature of their jobs they don't text each other a lot during work, and catch up on their days at home. They don't have a lot of serious conversations over text either; texts between them contain anything from grocery lists, cat pics, complaints about students, reminders to pick up dry-cleaning, memes, links to interesting articles, strings of emoji, and - yes - many instances of "I <3 u".

8. How long into their relationship they are, when they say “I love you” for the first time? Who says that first? In what situation?

I'm fond of several scenarios for Harry and Perry exchange I Love Yous for the first time - quiet moments, Harry-does-something-stupid-and-gets-injured moments, Perry-does something-stupid-and-gets-injured moments - but the one thing that stays consistent is that it is a While after they've officially gotten together, and Perry is the first one to say it (when Harry is not expecting it).

My main headcanon for Icemav involves their relationship going from friends to FWBs to lovers over the course of a few years, with Mav proposing right before DADT goes into effect. I'm all for Big Dramatic I Love Yous, and no one is more dramatic than these two when they want to be, but honestly, I feel like their first I Love You would come during a quiet moment, not long after they've officially begun a relationship. Maybe Mav says it to Ice over breakfast and Ice responds in kind without even thinking about it. Maybe Ice says it to Mav when they're cuddling in bed. The sky's the limit re: potential situations and who says it first, but I like the idea of it happening during a Quiet Moment.

9. Do they have some unusual ways of saying “I love you”? Squeezing hands, that they both know what means?

(princess bride voice) That day, Harry was amazed to discover that when Perry called him an idiot, what he meant was, "I love you." (I mean, there are a Lot of instances where Perry calls Harry an idiot in the fullest sense of the word, but the point stands lol.)

Ice told Mav once not long after they officially got together that he thought 'boyfriend' sounded juvenile and 'partner' felt too formal, so Mav just stuck to referring to Ice as his wingman. They both have a certain fondness for the word now, and (princess bride voice) When They Say 'You Can Be My Wingman Anytime', What They Actually Mean Is I Love You.

10. How they show affection to the other one in everyday life? Do they cook dinner for each other? Or wash the dishes, even though it’s not their turn, cause they know the other one hates it?

For both couples, it's about the little things. Ice and Mav trade off chores, but if one of them is working late, the other will be responsible for dinner and/or cleaning - Ice Hates shoveling the snow, so Mav hires one of the local neighborhood kids to shovel their driveway and the walkway so Ice won't have to. Perry and Harry may argue about Harry's organization skills (or lack thereof), but Perry knows that if he asks Harry to get something important done, that important thing Will Get Done, and it will get done well, and Harry will get a head start on the work needed to be finished next.

[surveysonfleek]

1630.

1~ What quality do you value most highly in others? warmth, loyalty, kindness

2~ Are you more aggressive or mellow? im in between, i wont lie. depends on the day haha

3~ Who has made the biggest sacrifice for you? definitely my parents

4~ Do you take any vitamins or medication? i take meds 5~ Do you want to grow old with someone? of course!

6~ Do you treat others better or worse than yourself and why? i tend to treat them the way they treat me. i always treat my family and friends incredibly well. im only ever rude to people who are rude to me

7~ What sound is annoying you right now? my laptops stupid fan. i have no idea why it keeps running, ive done all the troubleshooting tips to stop it

8~ Where was your last vacation to? the philippines in 2019

9~ Where was your last car ride to? from work to home

10~ Where did you last walk to? my car lol

11~ What gives you a peaceful feeling? trying to sleep and u can hear the waves outside. id obviously be on vacation by the beach haha

12~ Are you a light sleeper? not really. only when its time for me to wake up

13~ When you sleep next to someone who usually falls asleep first? it used to be my fiance, but lately its been me

14~ How many people have a piece of your heart? one!

15~ What do your salt and pepper shakers look like? i literally keep them in the same bottle they came in haha. boring, i know

16~ When was the last time you hurt yourself? its been a few months

17~ Would you rather live in the city, suburbs or the country? the suburbs

18~ Have you ever built something? yes, ive built plenty of ikea furniture!

19~ Are you more of a maker and giver, or a taker and user? ummm. maker and giver

20~ Do you take naps? hardly! ive tried on weekends and my body just wont let me anymore

21~ Do you buy holiday gifts early or at the last minute? i like doing it early

22~ Do you laugh when there is no joke and dance when there is no music? no lol

23~ If someone else were to describe you what would you hope they would say? shes so funny bahaha

24~ What is the dirtiest habit you can think of? biting nails

25~ Do you ever need ‘quiet time’? yep

26~ Do you think it is harder for a parent to outlive their child or for their child to outlive them? its def harder for a parent to outlive their child

27~ What was your best find from a flea market, garage sale, ebay or thrift? i bought brand new boardgames at a thrift store recently for $3 each!

28~ What is one selfish thing you tend to do? leave people on read/seen

29~ What kinds of people do you find intimidating? people of authority (more so in the workplace)

30~ Out of everyone you know who has the most unique personality? some of my coworkers haha.

31~ When do you do your best thinking? just before i go to sleep

32~ What was a choice that you didn’t want to make but you had to? meh idk!

33~ Have you ever written a letter to a soldier? no

34~ What does your favorite coffee mug look like? its a plain one that says game of thrones

35~ What age do you think it is most difficult to be? 20s, when ur still figuring everything out

36~ Do you think you could handle a day in jail? no lol

37~ Who is the most overbearing person you know? my fiance lmao

38~ Have you ever been on a trampoline? yes

39~ What do you use batteries for the most often? the toilet light. it makes the toilet bowl glow at night when it senses movement

40~ Would you prefer to wrap your own presents or have them all gift wrapped? i love wrapping them!

[julyarchives]

Mistletoe Business

“Hey, want to help me get my parents off my back about not having a date?” 

→ Pairing: Hongseok x Reader

→ Genre: Fluff

→ Words:  2K

→ Contains: cheesy cliches; implied smut at the end.

→ A/n: so, we might have gotten a little carried away with this story as you can see by the word count lol. I hope it is worth the wait (sorry for posting it later than usual) and we hope you guys like it!

“Hey, want to help me get my parents off my back about not having a date?” 

“What?” you asked wide eyed in disbelief

“Hear me out” Hongseok straightened his back, looking like he was talking business “You said that you will spend holidays alone in your house, right? And my parents nag me every damn year when I come back home alone for the holidays. We just have to hold hands and hug once in a while”

He ended his argument with an unpretentious shrug.

“I don’t know, Hongseok…” You said, not really convinced. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”

“There will be free food, and my mom is an amazing cook”

“Fine, you got me there. You better get me in a food coma” you rolled your eyes, laughing at your coworker.

You and Hongseok have been working together for a couple of years now, and you can say he’s your favorite person to work with, but your relationship with him ends there, the only few times you two hung out outside your job was at office gatherings at bars after working hours. Nevertheless, you considered him a nice friend, and the thought of not spending christmas alone was very tempting.

And that’s how you got yourself in the current situation you’re in right now.

“Mom!” Hongseok exclaimed, passing through the front door, carrying both his suitcase and yours’ “I’m home”

You walked right behind him, wishing you could actually hide yourself from doing this, a pinch of regret twisting your guts. Soon his parents show up, receiving him with a big warm hug.

“Mom, Dad,” his step aside, putting you in the spotlight “This is my girlfriend, Y/N.”

They both received you with the same enthusiastic hug.

“It’s so good to meet you, y/n” his mom said “Finally I don’t have to worry if he’s too lonely in the city.”

You really didn’t know how to answer, so you just offered a sympathetic smile, pretty sure that your cheeks were bright pink.

“Come on, darling,” his dad intervened, probably seeing your flustered face “Let the kids get some rest, they had a long trip”

“Right” she answered him, laughing softly before redirecting herself to Hongseok “You two can stay in your room, ok? Your brother and his wife will stay in his’.”

Then it hit you. They think you two are a couple, of course you will share one single room with him. Probably share a bed too. Oh damn.

He hugged his dad and kissed his mom's cheeks, wishing them good night.

“Thank you for having me.” You enunciated before following Hongseok further into the house.

You followed him quietly as he walked without looking back. He only broke the silence once you two were inside his room, behind closed doors.

“You look cute when you blush” His words were pure mockery, but the smirk on his face made you question if that was a flirt.

“Shut up” You answered back, pushing his shoulder lightly "or I will show everyone in the office pictures of all these boy band posters in the wall"

'I have nothing to hide, you can ask me anything about them and I will proudly answer you, like the fanboy I am" he laughed.

And then the room fell silent.

You say down on the bed as he carefully left the luggage next to his nightstand. The room was really a place you could see Hongseok growing up in. The light blue walls and orange accents here and there really matched his personality. The big mirror next to the wardrobe was something that definitely screamed Hongseok.

"So, I know we didn't think this before, I totally forgot that sleeping together is a thing" he broke the silence, laughing nervously "I can sleep on the floor and you can have my bed."

"That's not fair, you are the one that drove for hours, you deserve the bed" you replied.

"I won't let you sleep on the floor." he shrugged casually.

"We can try and share the bed though." You said, and he just stared at you, pondering whether it was a good idea or not. "Will you be a total creep and jump on me while I'm asleep?"

"Of course not!" He scoffed.

'Then sharing the bed it is."

Next morning you woke up feeling so warm it was almost suffocating. The smell of clean sheets was nice, but the musky scent was what made you hum in satisfaction. And that's when you remembered you were sharing a bed with Hongseok. 

You opened your eyes and realized you were spooning him, his whole back pressed against your chest and your arm wrapping around his torso.

You slowly pulled back and thanked whatever force of nature that allowed you to wake before him and save yourself from this embarrassment.

Or so you thought.

"Little did I know that you were going to be the creep jumping on me in the middle of the night" his hoarse morning voice made you jump in surprise, which got him laughing a little too loudly.

"It's not my fault I'm a sleep cuddler!" You said in your defense, hiding your face under your covers. 

"It's ok, y/n, I know I'm irresistibly cuddly, you can admit" he grinned sheepishly 

"In your dreams" you rolled your eyes.

At breakfast, you two were the last ones to join the family on the table, and he introduced you to his brother and sister in law just like the night before to your parents, but this time he snaked one arm around your waist, gently pulling you closer to him. His parents giggle proved that the blush on your cheeks was very evident.

Later you joined him and his mom in the kitchen to help prepare the Christmas Eve feast.

“You look cute in an apron.” You teased him, snapping a picture with your phone and giggling.

“You won’t be laughing once you taste my wonderful mashed potatoes.” He said proudly.

“I didn’t know you were a cook” you said.

“You never cooked for her?” his mom intervened. “I taught you better than that!” She slapped his arm lightly.

You sneaked your phone again, this time taking the cutest picture of Hongseok and his mom, standing shoulder to shoulder, laughing softly as they cooked together.

The whole family dinner was so pleasant and fun, you got the chance to know so much more about him, how he was growing up and the way his family was so proud of him. You felt very welcome too, all of them being so nice to you, which made you feel a little guilty for lying to them like that. 

Skinship became natural for you two as the day went by, and that’s why you were sitting side-by-side on the couch, holding his hand, as the family gathered around the fireplace and told more stories - you particularly loved the ones his brother told about him being a little brat as a kid. 

“I guess you didn’t change that much” you teased, and he flashed you his tongue “just proved my argument.” you finished and everyone laughed.

“Mom...” His brother said a little louder, catching everyone’s attention “did you purposefully hang those mistletoes above the couch?” 

That moment you looked up and noticed the plant above you and Hongseok.

“I guess my trap worked.” she giggled. You could see that he got so much from his mother. “You guys know the rules.”

“Don’t think you’re safe” Hongseok tried to divert attention, pointing above his brother and his wife “you have one too”

They proceed to share a cute peck, and everyone awed in fondness.

“You two are not safe either” his brother replied back.

Hongseok looked at you, who tried to not look panicked. 

“You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.” he whispered and squeezed your hand in reassurance. 

“It’s okay” you whispered back

You raised your hand and gently cupped his cheek, directing him to get closer to you.Your lips touched softly and butterflies were partying around your stomach. It ended as quickly as it started, and after pulling back you two just stared at each other for a while, shy smiles mirrored in both of your faces. If you were blushing before, right now you must be as red as a strawberry.

“So cute.” his brother teased.

“Shut up.” Hongseok snapped back, and again everyone laughed.

You two shared a secret look, and you caught yourself biting your bottom lip, savoring the tingling sensation that lingered from his kiss.

The night followed easy going and light, hugs and gifts exchanged at midnight, finishing with a round of hot cocoa and gingerbread cookies for everybody. After you all wished goodnight to each other, everyone went away to their respective bedrooms, including you two.

You entered first, trying to figure out how to not act embarrassed around him now that you two were alone and there was clearly a little elephant in the room.

“Hey, y/n” You had no time alone with your thoughts before he called you. “I have something I wanna try”

“Okay…” you turned to face him, not sure on what to do. You observed him approaching, hiding something behind his back.

“Do you trust me?” he asked and you nodded in response “close your eyes”

You obliged, but a couple of seconds later he told you that you could open them again. He was standing closer to you, his hand raised above the both of you, and at the tip of his fingers, a mistletoe strand. Your immediate reaction was a soft laugh.

You stared at him, raising eyebrows and smiling, silently asking him if that was serious. 

“You kind of left me wanting for more.” He smirked, biting his bottom lip.

“Oh well, we’re under a mistletoe, we have no choice.” you shrugged, half smiling.

He lowered his arm only to have both of them snaking around your waist, pulling your bodies closer. You immediately wrapped yours around his neck, neither one of you wasting any more time apart.

He kissed you passionately, his strong grip almost lifting you off the ground, his lips hungry for yours’. He kissed you like he meant to do that for longer than the couple of hours since the last one. And if you were being honest you might have wanted it before too.

As you two separated, your foreheads remained pressed together and his grip on you didn’t falter.

“So…” you said “What is that supposed to mean?”

“Well,” he squeezed your waist “I guess it means I liked a little too much pretending you’re my girlfriend.”

“I’m not having a hard time myself either.” you replied, leaning closer and stealing a peck.

“I won’t mind keeping up with this a little longer.” he said.

“Me neither, as long as the kisses are this good.” 

“If you think the kisses are good wait until you see the rest” he flashed you another smirk 

“Don’t ruin it!” you laughed, slapping his chest 

“I’m serious about the other part though” he continued, this time it was his turn to steal another peck “I like the idea of you as my girlfriend. What do you think?”

“Well, why don’t we enjoy pretending a little longer and enjoy ourselves right now, and our future selves can have this conversation once we’re back to the city? So our present selves can continue making out?” you raised one eyebrow suggestively.

“Sounds like a good idea to me” He agreed.

You two started kissing again, this time he grabbed your thighs, and easily picked you up on his lap, only to lay you down on his bed, quickly climbing on top of you.

“Merry Christmas to us” he opened a mischievous grin.

You kissed him passionately one more time, like you couldn’t get enough of him.

“Merry Christmas, Hongseok.”

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Weak ~ S.R. (part 1)

A/n: I’ve been catching up on the show so my thoughts have been all over the place- all of them about Reid lol. This is only one of three multipart song fics I have planned for him, but I promise I’ll finish your guys’ requests before full diving into them. I just needed to blow off some steam for him really fast. This is an old idea I’m bringing back because I liked the concept. It makes me laugh.

Warning

Word Count: 7700+

MASTERLIST

"No thank you" is what I should've said, I should be in bed. But temptations of trouble on my tongue, troubles yet to come. One sip, bad for me; one hit, bad for me; one kiss, bad for me... but I give in so easily.

Everyone has that thing they look back on and cringe at. That childhood memory that keeps you awake at night. That one thing you did in high school that ruined your reputation until you moved on to college. Things that come back every once in a while and make you cringe and wonder what on God's good Earth possessed you to do THAT. Even if you didn't have anxiety, it happened to everyone.

Or, at least Y/n convinced herself that was the case.

It had just been one of those things. One of those things that haunted her every time she got down time or saw someone who looked like... like... him. When anything reminded her of him and she remembered that god awful act of idiocy she had committed. Because it had just been her immaturity. Her young age and lack of experience. It had been a lapse in judgment. It had been a moment of stupidity and she would never, NEVER do anything like it ever again because she was older and wiser now. She was a different person now.

What had she done you ask?

Y/n had always been interested in the psychology of twisted people. She watched the news and wondered how one went about solving crimes like that. Especially really terrible ones like serial killers. How did you make a career out of getting into the minds of truly demented people and not be darkened by it? Or was that why the head of the Behavioral Analysis Unit, Aaron Hotchner, never smiled?

It all started with that fascination. She had been nineteen years old and a barista at a coffee shop, dreaming of being a real life super hero who saved lives and made the world a little more safe with every bad person put behind bars or under the ground. It didn't matter which to her at the time- they were bad people. They killed and raped and tortured and destroyed- why would they deserve anything but death anyway?

One day a boy came in. Maybe two or three years older than her, max. He was cute and tired and quiet. He came, he waited in line, he got his coffee, he left. He was completely oblivious to Y/n as she tried to talk to him. Flirt with him. Like a normal person talking to another normal person. But god she was really anxious and awkward and he seemed to look right through her and it made her voice die every time she tried. She couldn't even call his name when she was finished making his coffee. Her infatuation was obvious to everyone else. Another employee had written her number on the cup to help her out but he'd either never seen it or had ignored it because he had never used it. Even when he stopped coming, she still remembered him. She remembered his face and his name and his coffee order. She started to get it herself, holding onto the one part of him she had. It was a little weird, but she had nothing else other than that damn coffee order and she was taken by him. What else was she going to do? It was innocent.

Then she'd seen his face on the news. Spencer Reid of the FBI, part of the BAU. The boy she had been thinking about for months was suddenly part of the team she'd dreamed of being apart of for years? Her two obsessions aligned in one perfect moment and something... clicked. She was watching the news for a whole different reason now.

She didn't know when it had escalated past that. When she had taken that next step that would be something so unforgivable she would hate herself for years afterward.

Every morning on her way to work, she passed by The Place. Where he was, with his team, catching bad guys and making the world safer just like she wanted to. She wondered what he was like. How he had gotten on the team so young. She wondered how someone so quiet and seemingly oblivious could make it in a job like that. She wondered what his relationships were like. Were they friends or just coworkers? Did he still like his coffee the same way? What did his voice sound like? His laugh?

Suddenly she was across the street on her day off, looking at the building that held all the things she wanted most, imaging walking in and out of those doors. Imagining so long that she watched the team walk right out. They seemed familiar with each other, but each person held a rather grim expression. Her mind wiped of any other thought when she saw him. He was wearing a long sleeve button up, sleeves rolled above his elbows. A vest and a tie accompanied it. His hair was gelled back, glasses in his hands. He seemed to be lost in thought, his lips pressed together tightly.

When the thought to follow him crossed her mind, she went home. It was a dark thought that lead to dangerous places. She didn't recognize where this path was taking her, she just knew that whatever was happening to her, following someone home and learning where they lived without them knowing about it was crossing a line she couldn't be okay with.

Apparently, the same understanding didn't carry to taking pictures.

She had two whole shoe boxes of Polaroid pictures before she did anything else. She never looked at them after she shoved them in the boxes and pushed them under her bed; she just smiled at the boxes and remembered the times she'd watched him walk in and out of those doors and had taken one picture each time to commemorate the moment.

A year. She watched him for a year, following behind him on local cases, other work events, or even family and friends stuff. She did cross that line, but never once did she follow him home. Later in life when she burned those pictures, she tried to hold onto that. She never followed him home. She did however, send him a gift. She thought maybe if she could reach out to him somehow and start a sort of exchange, then maybe she could transition into actually being apart of his life. And that's all she really wanted. She wanted to shake his hand and have them make eye contact. He wanted him to see her.

There was a note, with just a simple "hello" on a single piece of paper, attached to a small bag of sour skittles. They were his favorite candy- but she only knew that because every time he came into work with some, he smiled a little wider. She knew it because she'd seen his friends give him them as a gift for Christmas. They made him happy.

When he saw the candy, he looked confused. When he read the note, he looked terrified.

Y/n didn't try to contact him again.

Something about the look on his face shook her to her core. Hadn't it been innocent enough? He couldn't know she had been getting to know him from her far away place. It was just candy and a note. It should have just been a shy person reaching out a call for friendship.

Then it hit her.

She knew which car was his. She knew his favorite candy. Those were things you didn't just know randomly. If she had been a casual admirer or had just had a crush on him, perhaps sending a flower to him at work would have been more low key. But she had wanted to give him something personal and she had. But she shouldn't have been able to.

The only reason she could was because she had stalked him.

She was a stalker.

It was never a word that had even crossed her mind until that exact moment, but once it came it wouldn't leave. That's what she was after all. She watched the news that day. Spencer wasn't there, but there was a story about a stalker in another state. She'd skimmed her usual spots on the internet to catch up on busted cases all over the country, like she usually did. A stalker who had killed five women in the expanse of a year. A year.

She had been stalking Spencer for just over a year. She had given him the gift on the anniversary of the day she had first seen him on the news. When things had clicked for her and she'd had that weird feeling like they were fated to be together. She had seen his fear and she had read that article and then all she could think about were her hands covered in blood. His blood. She imagined a future where she was in prison for life because she had crossed too many lines and had ended up on the wrong side of the future she'd always dreamed of. She wasn't protecting people and making the world better. She was making it worse, just by existing. Just like all of those people she had so easily dismissed and loathed, she deserved to die.

But that hadn't happened yet. She could still save herself from that future, because she had never followed him home. She let work distract her and her pictures and little tidbits of knowledge would be enough for her. Because her imagination, for whatever reason, could fuel her better than reality and she knew it because in the back of her mind somewhere, she'd known from thew beginning what his reaction would be if she ever exposed herself to him for real. She had knows what he would do when he saw that candy before she'd seen him do it, because she had been studying the minds of criminals for years now and she knew the mindset of the victims just as well. She might not be stupid, but she might be crazy.

Y/n full stopped it. She burned a photo every time she thought about him. She'd been wondering how to wean herself off of not ever seeing Spencer Reid again, from seeing him nearly every other day. This was her compromise. Every time she missed him, she pulled out those shoe boxes and she pulled out a picture and she looked at it a few minutes as the fire warmed before she threw it in and put the shoe boxes back under her bead. The only reason she didn't burn the photos all in one go was because she was afraid that if she didn't have something else, she might snap and go back to the real person. And she couldn't do that. What she had done was wrong and she was never, EVER going down that path again. She wouldn't be a villain.

It was a hard turn of events. It was like... withdraw. When she finished off the first shoe box, she cried. She felt insane and unstable and dangerously depressed. So, she got into therapy. The first session she told the therapist everything, stressing that she hadn't technically done anything too wrong and that she wanted to never do it again and that she needed help not getting there again. She was beyond relieved when the therapist - Michael Lyran - took pity on her and agreed to help her rather than turn her into the police. He said that she was seeking help and had realized what she'd done was wrong, so there was hope for her. He wouldn't give up on her.

Within a few months, she was a lot better. Y/n and Michael met up on the year anniversary of when she'd stopped stalking him. The second year anniversary of when she'd started in the first place. They burned the second box of photos together. She hadn't touched it since finishing off the first box. Until now. At the very least, Michael never looked at any of the pictures and neither did Y/n. He knew who they would contain, and he didn't feel comfortable peering into someone's personal lives at possibly very personal or vulnerable moments. He didn't want to tempt Y/n to do so either.

At the end of it all, what mattered was that it was over. Y/n was a lot more confident and understood her emotions a lot better. She said goodbye to Michael and she moved states, far enough that when she got a job as the police force secretary, she was sure she'd be able to follow her childhood dream without ever having to cross paths with the man who's life she'd almost ruined. She hadn't gained the confidence yet to actually join the force - she still felt unworthy after her escapade - but she was also making some sort of difference. Her skills of focus and determination and precision came in handy when she needed to keep names, dates, and appointments all in order in a limited space. She became a valued member of society, and she was proud of who she was.

Then something terrible happened. There was a string of murders that was very clearly panning out to some kind of serial killer. Y/n didn't think anything of it past that. In situation like this when crime boosted, she had to be on her game and keep testimonies and such in order so that if anyone needed a file, it would be easy to navigate and immediately on hand for use. She mostly dealt with people panicking, which kept her busy with the serial killer. Something that had never really been a concern now had her so busy, she had no room for any other thoughts. She had to keep herself calm and level headed and in control so she could reassure people in the most convincing way possible. Once again, she was succeeding in her work field.

It could have been anyone. Any other team could have come in. The FBI did not just have one team, surely. Someone else could have ended up there other than...

Y/n almost choked when she saw the doors open. Because there was none other than Spencer Reid, years after she'd finally gotten over him and fully moved on with her life. Right when she'd come to terms with her mistakes and had made a better name for herself. Right when she was getting good at her job and beginning to inch toward that childhood yearning, Spencer fucking Reid was in her town. In her police department.

And he was headed right for her.

And no thank you is how it should've gone- I should stay strong. But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that. I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that. I'm weak.

It was Aaron Hotchner who actually spoke to her, asking to see the police chief. Y/n had directed the team in the right direction, refusing to look at the man who she was dying to look at most.

His hair had grown longer. He wasn't wearing glasses anymore. It wasn't gelled back anymore either, and he had ditched the vests. When had he made so many changes? She didn't know, but god was she relieved. If he had come in that precinct looking the exact same as five years ago, or even close to it, she would have been sucked right back into the fantasy. Not that he wasn't cute now. But he wasn't the same person, and she could distance herself from him. And from that part of her that yearned to take him in. This wasn't her Spencer. God, he had NEVER been her anything. Anything but her almost-victim in her almost-villainhood.

Five years ago, she repeated several times in her mind. It had been five whole years since she'd first seen him and become obsessed. Three years of being completely Reid free. Of being a strictly good person who did normal, sane, healthy things. She wasn't going to chuck all her hard work now. She was a different person. A BETTER person.

Then he spoke and ruined the whole thing.

"Hey I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of the bathrooms." He was looking at her and she felt her throat close. Suddenly she was that nineteen year barista again. She didn't know how to move or talk or even look at him. She cowered under his gaze and he seemed to be taken aback by that.

All she could think about was that she'd heard his voice. After five whole years, she finally knew what his voice sounded like.

She ran away from him without answering his question. She ran outside and tried to remember how to breathe. Her brain was racing and her thoughts were muddy and her hands were shaking. Her head was suddenly crammed with a really ugly image of a person she'd worked very hard not to be. A person she could have become. Someone she avoided thinking about or remembering. She'd made it almost twenty full months not thinking about Spencer even once. About her past mistakes. A blessed twenty months of finally not hating herself, and he had waltzed in with that smile and spoke with a voice even more beautiful than she'd imagined and now she was losing her mind.

A thought hit her.

She wasn't panicking because she wanted to be closer to Spencer. She wasn't panicking because she felt those old cravings coming back. She wasn't panicking because her mind was trying to fill in all the gaps of knowledge she had now that it had been so many years. Not because that hunger from years ago was back, or even because she could feel exactly how far apart their bodies were. Not because she wanted to talk to him, or because she wanted to be near him, or because he had seen her finally after so long of wishing he would. He had looked at her and seen her and TALKED to her, which would have sent her over the moon five years ago.

No, Y/n's panic came from the thought that all of her past mistakes would follow her forever, ruining her life every time, no matter where she went or how much she'd recovered or how hard she had worked. Becoming obsessed with Agent Reid had cost her job. It was her fault- she was distracted and irritable and steadily becoming unbearable to have around as she felt worse and worse about what she was doing. She'd become unstable. Without her therapist, she might have ended up on the streets even after she gave up chasing after a man who deserved better than some creepy ass fly on the wall. If that happened again... she liked it here. She liked her job. She wanted to be a cop and help people. Be someone who could, in some way, make a difference in this really terrible world getting worse by the second because as time passed, everyone was getting even meaner, and that created even more sick and twisted and depraved villains. She wanted to be in that story, and if that one year of idiocy ruined it for her forever... what would she do then?

One conclusion came from this realization: No one could ever know about that year. No one other than her past therapist, who was no threat to her future and wanted her to be free of her mistakes as much as she did.

What came next was a plan.

First: She would not become friends with Spencer Reid or any of his associates. She would limit her contact with them, remaining distant and civil only. If even one of them got close and she slipped in any way, it would be game over and then things might really go south. She had given Spencer a gift that day, and that might be seen as some sort of threat or something. Anything. It could be bad and she couldn't take chances.

Second: She would not let herself take in any new information about Spencer Reid or any of his associates. She could easily get swallowed up in her work, and if there really was a serial killer running around out there, they'd need her to be on her game and make their job as easy as possible. She would refrain from talking to any of them about anything other than work. She didn't need anything that could set off her old habits again and send her back down that path.

Third: She would not think of him as Spencer Reid, someone she used to dream about, but as Agent Reid. She was going to put space between her and him as much as possible. He was high above her in almost every way- in importance; in intellect; in physical height. If she focused on that and treated as him as a teacher or parent or the president of the united states rather than some cute guy her age who was super smart and kind of interesting, or even a coworker who was at all within her reach, it would be much easier not to get involved.

She could do this.

Already feeling better, she smoothed her shirt, shook her head, took a deep breath and went back inside.

She could do this.

-

"How do you guys like your coffee?"

Already Y/n was struggling keeping her rules, but on hard cases she always brought the team working coffee to help boost them in the morning- a treat from her to thank them for what they did. Even if they'd already gotten themselves coffee, they were always eager to take the one she gave them as well so it had become a sort of tradition. A case without coffee brought in by Y/n like mana from Heaven in the hands of angel just didn't go as well. She felt it rude to potentially leave the BAU team without coffee though, so... here she was, asking some personal information like she'd told herself she wouldn't do.

This could slip though. It was just coffee, and it would only be a few times, and it was the least she could do after all they were doing to make her town safe. After all she'd done. This was a thank you gift, not for personal gain.

She'd asked Agent Morgan, so now she stood before him as he tilted his head curiously. "Why?"

"I..." She fiddled nervously with her fingers behind her back. "It's a surprise." He rose an eyebrow. "I'm going to use it to break into your mind and learn all your secrets." It had been meant to be a little snarky. Why else would she want his coffee order? But instead he laughed and she felt herself smile along. It was contagious.

The fact that he could find the strength enough to smile even after all he'd been through was admirable. But Y/n wasn't going to think about that.

Agent Morgan seemed to be just the person to ask. He told her all his teammate's orders as she listed off their names so they didn't forget anyone. There were quite a few of them, and Y/n would hate herself if she missed one. She thanked him and went to turn away. "Wait what about Reid?"

Y/n could have strangled herself right then and there. Why had she assumed she'd still know the order in the first place? It had been half a decade. It could have changed. Not to mention it looked suspicious as hell if she had walked in here already knowing it without having to ask anyone. Thank god she had never done anything bad- she was terrible at keeping secrets. "Of course!" She turned back, rolling her eyes at herself. "I'm such a dork." She handed the small piece of paper she'd been writing the orders on to him.

Which, again, was a mistake. She had written all of the other orders herself without hesitation. But she also knew that if she wrote down his order, she'd have it memorized AGAIN, and she couldn't let herself get even that close to him. He needed to stay as much a mystery to her as possible. One she didn't care about and didn't want to solve and would not even a little bit understand. Morgan seemed confused but then wrote it down. Y/n took it with a smile and then left, folding it in half and refusing to look at it.

In the local coffee shop, she rung the bell on the counter. The lady who ran the place - Mrs. Miyre - grinned upon seeing her. "Y/n!" The girl waved. "I've been expecting you with all these murders going around? They say it's a serial killer."

"I can't say too much, but it's a big case." Mrs. Miyre nodded.

"Who are you ordering for this morning?" Y/n told her the names of the cops on shift for the beginning of the day. More might come in later, but Agent Hotchner had made it clear he didn't want too many crowding the place, so only a part of the force was actually in the office. The others were watching the streets and searching for any more clues, or had the day off. When she began to list off the BAU members, Mrs. Miyre rose her eyebrows. "New recruits?"

"The FBI actually," Y/n sighed. The older woman looked surprise and she nodded. "Like I said- big case." She sighed. "I figured I'd throw them in too."

"You're such a sweetheart." Y/n blushed. "We'll have them in a few, darling. Wait here." Y/n nodded and took a seat at the bar. The door was propped open to let the cool morning air drift through the place and keep it from getting stuffy. This place had been amazingly refreshing after the congested city life Y/n was used to growing up in DC. It was easier to breathe up here. Lots of open space and a nearby wood to go camping at the drop of a hate anytime you wanted. Y/n gets lost in that for a moment. The feeling of the cool air and the moving air sliding against her skin and the soft sunlight and the clean air. She snaps out of it when Mrs. Miyre comes back with the coffee. She's got a few drink holders and it makes Y/n laugh. Together they take it all back to the car and Y/n drives back very carefully so none of it spills. Once there, she grabs one of the officers to help get all the drinks inside. Mrs. Miyre named all of the cups as usual and as Officer Leo - the one who helped her - and Y/n hand out the drinks, somehow she ends up with a certain Agent's coffee.

In her good mood, still relaxed from the nice drive and the nice morning and the nice coffee waiting for her when she was done, Reid approaches with her a small smile. "Having a good morning?"

Y/n tried to reel herself in. "I guess I shouldn't be, considering the murders and stuff."

He shrugs. "We're working hard. If we let it get to us, it'll mess us up one day." He speaks as if from experience and it makes Y/n frown. "Thank you. For the coffee," he adds when Y/n shoots him a confused look. She holds it out to him and he grabs it and their hands touch and a spark of electricity runs up her arm. The cup almost drops on the floor with how fast she rips her hand away.

Reid's smile dropping away is the last thing she sees before she gathers the cup holders and books it outside to throw them away.

But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that. No thank you?

"Hey Y/n?"

She looked up from her work and tried not to groan when she saw S... Agent Reid in front of her. He'd been popping up quite a bit, and with them coming close to catching the killer, Y/n found herself eager for the end of this thing for all the wrong reasons. Of course she wanted the women of this town safe and the killer in jail, but she wanted the BAU unit to go home just as much. She was antsy for it. They hadn't yet though so she smiled at him politely and asked, "Yes, Agent?"

"It's Doctor, actually," he corrected softly. She almost laughed, her smile becoming more genuine. That seemed to encourage him. "I just wanted to... apologize."

"For what?"

"Making you uncomfortable." Y/n tried to hide her panic. "Don't stress about it." Ah, so she had failed to hide it. And had probably failed to hide her emotions every time she'd even thought about trying. "I'm a profiler, so I have a certain level of perception that... that's not my point." He shook his head, seeming a little flustered. Her eyebrows came together in confusion. "Every time I'm around you, you seem to get really anxious and-" He shrugged. "It happens a lot, but usually with babies and dogs and stuff. We call it the Spencer effect." He rolled his eyes, but Y/n could tell that at this point he was just rambling. "I wanted to apologize for whatever it was."

Y/n smiled softly. What a sweet man. "It's not your fault." Her voice was soft, with guilt rather than embarrassment. He'd probably felt bad about this for a while. Maybe since the first day of this whole thing if his perception skills were as great as reputation pronounced. And it was all her fault. Even years later she was still hurting him. "Please don't worry abut it."

He relaxed and she felt relief flood her. "Okay." His hands slipped into his pockets and they both grew silent. Suddenly they were just standing there, looking at each other. She remembered years ago when she'd drunk in every detail she could get. Close up, he was even more handsome and her stomach was filled with butterflies. Which... was a new feeling. She'd seen him work hard for days, stressing and pushing himself. His whole team did, but it was Spencer's care and effort that meant the most to her- probably for obvious reasons. He was as great as she'd imagined him to be, and there was something fulfilling about that. She hadn't wasted her time on someone who was secretly terrible. The person she'd looked up to wasn't an asshole in reality like some famous people, or even people of the past that buried all their mistakes and smiled in public, or even like some people in power now.

Despite all he'd gone through, he put himself entirely into each case. He never hesitated to. Never thought about how much it was going to hurt him in the end, because if he could save just one person this time then he would have won. A small victory, but a victory nonetheless.

And then she realized she was staring and she ripped her eyes away, looking at her hands instead. "I bet you're busy this morning."

"Yeah," he responded, but his voice sounded sort of strained and dry, like there was no moisture in his mouth. She turned and left and, to her surprise, she felt his eyes on her as she did so. What was going on?

-

Things like that kept happening. Agent Reid kept trying to approach her and talk to her. He waved to her as she passed, or smiled at her. Called her name to get her attention. She was so busy avoiding him and doing her work that she wasn't paying attention to much else.

One day they got a message that changed everything.

As she opened the office doors to prepare for everyone coming in soon, she couldn't help but notice the weird red stain on the carpet inside the place. Confused, she opened the doors and went inside. She dropped her coffee when she realized what it was.

THIS IS YOUR FAULT

In big, bright red colors that could only be spray paint inked into the carpet. She'd panicked, thinking the message was somehow for her before the obvious incorrectness of that settled in. What spooked her again was the fact that there had been no break in alerts, otherwise this place would be flooded with people, and everyone would be celebrating having caught the criminal of the day. But it was empty and dark and that sicko was still out there. He had somehow gotten in here, sprayed that, and gotten out again without anyone noticing him. Without setting off any alarms or even leaving the front door unlocked. Or... perhaps they had been and she hadn't noticed?

Y/n had opened this place up hundreds of time. It had taken them some time to trust her with the keys, but once they did, she came in early every morning and get things up and running and turned on so they'd be ready and everyone else could get a little more sleep, since she went home long before all of them did. It left her alone for nearly an hour usually - half an hour in this time of stress - but that seemed to be long enough.

A hand wrapped around her mouth and something cold and circular pressed to the back of her head. "Scream and I shoot you."

Her eyes went wide. "What-?"

"Speak and I shoot you," the person added, just as calmly. "Do you see that message over there?" She hesitated before nodding. "Don't worry sweetheart, it's not for you. It's for your little lapdogs that run this place. The ones that take you for advantage and ignore you while you bust your ass to be seen as good as them." Y/n's eyebrows came together. She was confused. "You're going to come with me. They'll see how much they need you once you're gone." And then Y/n felt the coldness pull away, just for something to hit her rather hard and everything to go instantly dark

-

Getting pistol whipped absolutely sucked, she decided as she blinked her eyes and tried to figure out where she was and what had happened.

It wasn't clear when she'd realized that's why her head hurt so badly, but perhaps it was a realization she'd made before she was completely unconscious, or one she'd made while the world had been lost to her. Whatever it had been, it was her first thought when she woke up again.

She was tied to a chair, that was her second thought. The room she was in didn't yield much else with how dark it was, but she could feel herself strapped to something, and she could also feel herself sitting, so you know. Easy conclusion.

"Aw, she's awake!" Y/n flinched at the sudden sound, but the recognized it as the voice of the person who'd taken her. The unsub, if basic logic could be trusted. "Hello, Sleeping Beauty."

"Hi," she mumbled, shaking her head softly in an attempt to clear it.

A laugh. "Oh I like you. You don't cower and scream like the others."

Y/n sighed. "I'm not afraid of you." She found she wasn't either. She'd dipped he toe in quite a few sick minds. She'd even tiptoed along the edges of being one herself. She'd seen what these people were capable of. She'd seen the pictures of those girls even. She knew what THIS sicko was capable of. But she also knew that they hadn't been tortured or raped, which left this person far from as bad as it got. She knew that the victims were treated quite nicely, with lots of remorse. All up until they died, where there were deep cuts all over the body. The thought had been that the stabbing replaced the rape, which Y/n was kind of okay with actually. Her capture would be less than pleasant and her death would be quick. If she was lucky then she'd be saved with as little trauma as possible.

Or maybe it was just shock.

"Oh you're not, are you?" The person stepped closer and it was that moment that Y/n realized a huge mistake of the profile they'd been going off until this moment.

The profile stated that it was a man, but the person standing in front of Y/n now was definitely a woman.

"Are you going to kill me?"

"Yes," the woman responded calmly.

"Are you going to torture or rape me before that?"

The woman hesitated. "I won't do anything you don't want me to."

Interesting. "What's your name?"

"Maya," she responded. Y/n nodded and continued asking her questions. She learned that Maya was a lesbian and hated men. Y/n couldn't help but think it was rather fair of her to do so, especially when Maya went on to explain just how terrible to her they had been. As many men were to lesbians. She talked about how badly they treated women and how she was tired of watching it. That caught Y/n's attention.

"Why kill women then?"

"To take them away from here." Maya glared at the opposite wall as she leaned against the one behind her. She'd obviously grown comfortable in the exchange. "If I kill men, all that happens is one will replace them. They will grow to hate women more when they realize who I am. I knew they were close, that's why I took you. You were always my goal." Y/n's eyes widen and Maya smiles wider. "You're so kind, and that leaves so much room for them to hurt you. You know, the way I cut up your body- it's only after you're dead, and it's only so they can't do anything to you when they get you back. Did you know that there are men out there that prefer their women dead? Who work in morgues just so they can have sex with them?" Y/n cringed, thinking about her cold, pale body rotting while some man-

"Oh god," she whispered.

"Precisely," Maya agreed.

Y/n shook her head. "You can't be mad at an entire group for what some of them do. Don't get me wrong, men generally suck. But it isn't just men- it's people in general. We as a species are selfish and close minded. In ever group, there's always those extremists who make a bad name for everyone else. I mean- think if cops started to judge lesbians based on what you do. Not all women who like women kill women to punish men. Which honestly is ridiculous if you ask me but-"

Maya grabbed Y/n's face so hard that Y/n's jaw began to hurt. "You defend those assholes? Really?"

Y/n glared. "Years ago I made mistakes. I hurt someone I cared about. You can't villainise men and then ignore the fact that EVERYONE does shit too. I mean, women rape and murder and stalk and abuse. Definitely not as much, but still." She scoffed. "I'm not even saying this to support men. Men DO suck. They're too pretty for their own good and often far too oblivious for everyone else's. But everyone has flaws. What do you gain by killing people? Like you said, more will take their place. What are you going to do, kill all nice women?"

"Yes," Maya growled. That moment, fear consumed Y/n as Maya leaned closer and all Y/n could see in the other woman's eyes was hate. "Fuck up evolution. Because what's happening if the tough people are getting wiped out because men won't pay attention to them. All these pushover women are having babies and raising their sons to be like their fathers and their daughters to be like them."

Y/n's expression hardened. "What about kids who don't end up like their parents?"

Maya slapped her. "We're done playing nice." Y/n looked back just in time to see Maya grab a knife and she felt her heart clench. As much fear as she definitely showed on her face, she refused to whimper or scream. "I promise," Maya cooed. "No one will hurt you ever again. I promise you." She stroked Y/n's face and the girl tied to the chair flinched away. The knife danced along Y/n's throat as Maya began to move behind her where she would have a better grip.

The door busted open just as Maya gripped Y/n's face. "Drop the knife!" Maya tilted Y/n's face back and all the bound girl could see was the face of her assailant and the roof above both of them. "DROP THE KNIFE!"

Y/n closed her eyes and Maya grinned.

Guns went off. Y/n screamed. When Maya's hand left her face, Y/n's head dropped and she kept her eyes close, flinching as the ringing in her ears stopped. Not from the gunshots, but from the sound of Maya's body hitting the floor. She knew that the only way she was getting out of here was if Maya was dead, but it had sounded so different than she'd imagined. She opened her eyes slowly to catch something at the edge of her vision. She looked over and locked eyes with Maya, who was dead but still smiling. Y/n finally screamed.

Hands on her shoulders. She tried to move away from them and looked over to see Spencer. "Hey," he cooed softly. His hands moved up to cup her face. His eyes were wide and warm and his smile was soft and comforting. "Hey Y/n." His thumb brushed her cheek and she felt herself melt into the soft touch. Maya was wrong. Maybe men did suck, but Spencer Reid was different. He would never do anything wrong to Y/n. Even if she did deserve it. Those thoughts were pushed away as Spencer moved his head to keep her looking at him as she almost looked back to Maya. "Hey, I'm right here. I'm here, okay?" She finally nodded and he seemed to relax. "I'm going to untie you now alright?" She nodded again and he moved his hands to do as he'd said he would. When she was free, he moved to her ankles. As he did so she leaned forward, resting her forehead on his shoulder. He froze a second and then moved more carefully as not to disturb her. When her ankles were free he paused. "I'm going to move now. Do you need help standing?" She shook her head and slowly stood to her feet. He stood quickly to help her. He was tall enough for her to step into him, covering her face and hiding in his shoulder. He paused before slowly looping his arms around her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice soft and broken. "I just- I just really-" She caught her breath and seized up as she almost began crying. She wanted to apologize. She wanted him to hate her. She wanted to be alone... but she also didn't. She was terrified of all of the things she'd just been so sure a second ago she wanted. What she deserved. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay," Spencer soothed. "You have nothing to be sorry for."

She pulled away, shaking slightly. "Yes I do." She ducked around him and started walking out. They were in some kind of small cabin in the woods, but she just looked away from it and began walking.

"Wait, Y/n!" She looked over to see Emily Prentiss. Y/n began to walk faster. She really needed to be away from-

"Y/n stop." Hands on her shoulders and there was Derek Morgan, suddenly in front of her. "I know you probably want to be alone, but you have no idea where you are and you're in shock. Let one of us give you a ride back okay? You can talk about it or not talk, that's fine. But we can't let you wander out here alone hoping you find your way back, especially because we're miles away from town."

Relenting, Y/n nodded. "I just- don't put me with Spencer." She cringed as she used his name. "A- Agent Reid." She closed her eyes. Agent Derek went to say something. Maybe to ask her one of the probably many questions she had. She reached up though and covered his mouth. He leaned away, surprise, and she dropped her hand. "I- I'm sorry, I just-" Her eyes watered and she growled in rage, turning  to pick up a rock and chuck it as hard as she could.

She had almost died.

She was still obsessed with Spencer, even though he deserved someone so much better. Even now, the feeling of his shoulder and the smell of him was filing into her head and she wanted to smile and scream and cry and curl in a ball and never move and she didn't know if it was from him or what Maya had said... or from what Maya almost done.

She crouched down, her chest beginning to constrict. "Y/n," Morgan said softly. She recognized his tone. The same one Reid had used before. Pity and concern. Trying to keep her calm. "I understand you're upset right now. I would be too. What you went through was really scary."

"I'm not a child," Y/n snapped.

"I know," Morgan assured. "But I need you to breathe for me okay? It'll help if you stand up and put your hands over your head... but if you want to sty like this, or even lie down that's okay too." Y/n hesitated before pushing to her feet, forcing her hands above her head. Morgan moved to his feet again as well, keeping to her level so she could always see him. After a second she felt something in her chest loosen and instead of panicking, she was crying. Morgan paused before opening his arms. She leaned into them and he hugged her as she cried. When she calmed and leaned away, he offered her a smile. "You want to get back now?" She nodded. "Come with me. Reid's in the other car." She nodded and followed him. He put his arm around her and she relaxed, rubbing her stuffy nose as he began to run. He slipped into the back with her, Hotchner was in the driver's seat. Neither man spoke until they got to the station. "Is there anyone you want us to call?"

"I don't..." She shrugged. "Have anyone."

Morgan's face grew sad. "Is there anything we can do for you? Take you home?"

Y/n thought about being alone in her empty apartment and shook her head. He nodded, understanding. "Can we just... sit here for a while?" He nodded again and they did. One by one the car filled with the others. Hotchner in the driver's seat, Rossi in the passenger. Prentiss took the seat next to Y/n, and Jureau stood at the door next to Prentiss, leaning rather than sitting. Y/n chuckled as Spencer joined the group, wiping her watery eyes. "Sorry to drag all of you guys into this car. Jesus."

A few chuckles. "It's okay," Jureau sighed.

"You know, you made this case a lot easier," Prentiss told Y/n quietly, reaching a hand to rub her back. "Getting us coffee and being so kind and encouraging. Sometimes when it gets too... when things get really dark, it's hard to concentrate because you're so stressed and worried and you feel so terrible that it clouds your head." Nods in agreement and Y/n smiled despite herself.

"You know." Jureau reached inside her jacket before extending a card. Y/n took it and looked at it. It had a number on it. "If you ever want to talk, that's my number. I'd like it if we stayed in touch."

Y/n smiled wider, even though her heart sunk a little. She finally had a friend...

"Thanks, Agent Jureau."

The woman laughed. "My friends call me JJ. You can too if you want." Y/n nodded.

Well. There went her plan to not to get close to Spencer Reid or any of his associates.

Shit.

[lokilickedme]

Submitted by @fudgemuffinanon

Ok I think I’m up to date….

1. HOLY SHIT WOMAN! You had Covid and just learned about it? How did you find out? Was it with a test? And you handled the asshat at the grocery store way better than I would have. I’m not patient, nor diplomatic, and I have major RBF syndrome… The temper goes with the face more ofter than I care to admit…

2. Your grandmother’s story was incredible. I know you don’t need another project but this could be a beautiful book. No fandom incorporated, just her story.

3. As @mollage said, the Universe is after you! But you may be one of the strongest woman I know, going through all your adventures with that attitude. Thank you Elizabeth for passing down your fiery spirit!

4. With everything that happened to you in the last few weeks, I can’t expect you to write anything. I’ll just wait and take what you give us. Fuck, I just have to deal with Baby Girl’s online school - Big Boy is responsible enough to deal with his class mostly alone - and I have to tell her to go back to the computer every 5 minutes and I’m going NUTS! And we have one more month to go…

Ontario has been in stay-at-home order since April 8th, and non-essential stores MAY reopen mid-June at 15% capacity and outdoor activities in small groups MAY resume IF we have 60% of population vaccinated with their first dose. We’re about 58% now according to Health Minister but they stopped giving Aztra as first dose, so all the pharmacies that could give it now can’t. There’s a lot less Pfizer and Moderna doses available so I don’t know how fast it will happen. But it means I will most likely get my second dose quicker than August. Yay me! Second phase won’t happen until we get 70% 1st dose vaccination. So we’re stuck for a while. We’re going out in the woods for walks once in a while so we don’t get too close to people but I want to go to a fabric store sooooo bad!! I’m done picking ticks off hubby everytime we get out.  And I’m running out of crafts to learn on youtube. 

Ok, enough ranting…  gotta go finish knitting Baby girl’s bday gift. A 6" turtle. With clothes. And a shawl. And boots. Yeah… Love ya!

*******************************************************

Fudgey!!

Yup. All four of us had covid back in November of 2019, before it broke wide and before anyone really knew it was in the US. Husband was able to track it back to a coworker who’d returned from a family visit to China (he works with a large community of Asian Americans who travel back and forth a lot). The coworker came home sick, and shortly after that our household got the worst “flu” any of us have ever had (that was what we thought it was, a weirdly violent flu that hit each of us differently). I’ve never been sicker in my life, my husband thought I was going to die and he claims I told him to just let me go if it looked like I wasn’t going to make it. I’m pretty sure I meant it…it was that bad. I may have actually requested an assist to the other side at one point.

So anyway, a little while later it broke wide and when the symptom lists started coming out we started wondering if that wasn’t what we’d had. Husband finally a few weeks ago went and talked to the guy that had come back sick from overseas and the guy said “Oh yeah, I had the covid, did you get it too?”

By that time there had been approximately 150 known cases at husband’s workplace and six confirmed deaths from it. Grrrr.

At this point it was too late for us to get confirmed, but husband contacted a friend in Colorado who is a covid specialty ER nurse and described our symptoms and the timeframe of our illness to her. She said we absolutely had it - she’d had it too during that same timeframe, before it broke wide and before anyone knew what it was.

So now all my lingering weird-ass symptoms make sense. Big and Little are fine, they don’t seem to have any long-term problems, though I’m keeping an eye on them (especially Big). Husband is fine as well. Me? I took it in the seat of the pants, but like I was telling someone the other day, as soon as one of the longhaul clinics sets up here I’m gonna be there.

The putz in the grocery store was nothing unusual for here. What really gets me is the way people glare at us for continuing to wear masks - it’s almost scary. WTF is wrong with people.

Glad you liked my grandma’s story. Honestly I don’t know enough to write a book about her without having to speculate on a lot of in-between stuff because she was a very secretive person (probably for a good reason tbh) but what a tale it would be. She was a mess :D My mother has always been mad at me for taking after her - she never liked my grandmother much, there was some bad blood between them from decades back, and yeah that’s kind of a good story too lol

Ah, speaking of writing, I’m going to toss out a short chap of that silly self indulgent side-thing for The Department tonight (probably as soon as I send this reply off) and then I’m shooting for a chapter of the actual fic tomorrow at some point. Taking advantage of the husbandary absence (yes I know that’s not a word but it works)

I feel ya on the homeschooling - the boys finished their semester two weeks ago and the stress of that final week for Big (9th grade) was insane.

I wish we were under a stay-at-home order, but where I live hardly anyone obeyed it when we WERE. I love living here but I swear sometimes the people make me want to move off-planet just to find a higher intelligence demographic.

Anyway, I gotta see this turtle when you’re finished with it. You mentioned it so now you gotta show it. I’m going to bug you every day until you provide pictures because even though I can crochet a blanket like nobody’s business I cannot crochet a doll to save my own ass. Gonna have to rely on you for that ;P

@fudgemuffinanon

[hiro-gari]

Just saw this post this morning: https://bamsara.tumblr.com/post/648921115261108224/here-i-did-the-shipping-dynamic-thingie-if-you

It got me thinking that the ship dynamics number 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, and 7 could be Batarou! Here let me explain what I'm thinking about them..

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#1 : "Both have equal strength, but one of them is batshit crazy."

Basically Garou and Badd in canon, lol! They're of course equally strong, and Garou is usually the one who goes berserk batshit feral. Back then it was when Garou fighting against the S-Class heroes, nowadays he becomes feral when something bad happened to his beloved delinquent hero.

But that doesn't mean if Badd couldn't be feral, too. In fact, he could be very frightening when he does it. Especially whenever people mocked Garou's past as hero hunter, or worst, saying that Garou didn't deserved a good boyfriend/husband like Badd. It would set Badd on fire, and there will be at least destroyed building at the end of carnage. While Garou on the sideline watching the whole scenes: "Well mark me down as scared and horny." 😳🔥

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#2 : "The chaotic human with no self-preservation whatsoever, and the supernatural creature desperately trying to keep them alive."

Yooo we had already know Badd is ABSOLUTELY have no self-preservation whatsoever, courtesy by Zenko and Garou. Being so selfless and too determinated by his goals, wont back down at all before he finished the business.. 😔

And Garou is the Human Monster, now that they're dating, will protect and keeps Badd alive at all cost! Sometimes he must dragged Badd away forcibly from the battlefield because Badd is just too stubborn 👿

But if you want the more accurate depiction, I actually have written an older headcanon about it last year. It was about Demon Garou and Human Badd, with Demon Garou slowly becomes "Guardian Demon" for Super Clumsy™ Badd, by saving his life instead of eating his soul because he fell in love with the human.

Badd was desperately finding a way to cure Zenko from chronic illness, and he decided to summon a demon to help him saving Zenko in exchange for his soul. The demon, Garou, accepted the contract and ready to reap his soul whenever he wanted after Garou saved Badd's little sister.

But the problem was, Garou didn't expect that Badd is so clumsy and always endangered his own life. Everytime Garou wants to eat Badd’s soul, he always doing something reckless that makes Garou had urge to save his life. He didn’t want to reap Badd’s soul when he’s in such stupid moment like that, he wants the best time possible.

Then slowly, the demon realized that he doesn't even want to eat Badd's soul anymore, instead he wanted to protect him, to cherish and loving him dearly. Thus, he becomes "Guardian Demon".

You can read the full version of it in here, if you're curious: https://kaincuro.tumblr.com/post/615404377513066496/

Which is it also have been made as a lovely story by @lovelybutnot-ablankcanvas with a title “Dangerous Illusion” in here: archiveofourown.org/works/23665795/chapters/56809585

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#3 : "The super popular celebrity, and the cafe barista that doesn't know (or care) who they are."

Considering in canon, basically Garou being a "celebrity villain" who debuted for his new career as Hero Hunter in Hero Association HQ. And Badd doesn't even know what Garou looks like (he asked himself "Is it Garou??" when he faced some monsters in sushi shop) or even recognized him at the first glance (he thought Garou just a troublesome punk boy or random annoying civillian).

Now imagine them in AU where: Garou is either a supermodel or a famous singer who likes to drop by in a small cozy coffee shop because the barista is so cute, so he tried to come as a regular to flirt with Badd and also drinking his delicious coffee. Garou genuinely likes Badd's own brewed coffee, or any of his creations. If Badd wasn't on his shift at that day, then Garou just "Bye!" while giving middle finger to any of Badd's coworkers that were unfortunately saw this bastard guy appeared on the shop.

And Badd who doesn't care anything about idols after the whole Amai Mask worshipping™ done by Zenko so he never recognize Garou's public persona than the fact Garou is a super annoying Handsome&Hot™ guy. He just want to get his job done and making some money to pay for Zenko's tuition. Whenever Garou comes (or barging through) into the coffee shop, Badd could sense his impending migraine would also coming soon. Always takes time too long on ordering things because Garou just want to talk with this cutie barista, and trying to get his phone number lmao!

Imagine Garou entering Badd's coffee shop, dressing either like suspicious shady guy, lonely punk teen, or nerdy but Cool™ boy. But I love to imagine Garou usually go with Nerdy Look with an adorable beanie hat and reading glasses, totally different with his appearance when he's on job.

Badd secretly loving Garou's presence (minus the bastard attitude), especially when he was calm and immersed on whatever he was doing, like enjoying Badd's coffee, reading books, working on some work-related documents on his laptop, etc. When Garou talking with Badd (no flirting when he's working), Badd always like to listen his voice. The more they know eachother, the more they attracted to eachother. And they ended up having huge crush and mutual pining, before finally dating!

Badd was honestly surprised when he learned about Garou's other persona as celebrity after Zenko told him or showing some magazine article about Garou, lol! Badd getting his mind blown: "I'M DATING A CELEBRITY???"

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#5 : "The childhood friends, where one of them kills someone to protect the other, and they must take that secret to their grave."

This is like the Childhood Batarou AU but gets a dark twist. Usually we have kid Badd protecting a bullied kid Garou from Tacchan and the mean kids, maybe as far hurting Tacchan in the process at the max but I couldn't see kid Badd killing anyone, since he's too precious.. 😣💦

But if we seriously get on the dark version of it, maybe kid Badd killed kid Garou's abusive dad? Then they buried the body on the backyard, and since they both lived on some desolate village/suburban area, nobody know the event? Then they keep their darkest secret to their grave. Badd didn't regret on dirtied his own hands by blood, as long as he can protect Garou and nobody would hurting him anymore.

Is this too dark? 😅 I'm so sorry, let's just stick to the pure Childhood Friends with Tiny Hero Badd! 👏😤

This is what I have about Childhood Hero Badd AU headcanon: https://hiro-gari.tumblr.com/post/645500921001000960/

Which is it also have been made as a super heartwarming and fluffy story by @hiro-gari with a title “Charmed” in here (plz check it out guys!): archiveofourown.org/works/30301986

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#6 : "The fugitive witch running from false accusation of crime, and the tired, magic-skeptic scientist now hiding their friend fron the law."

THIS IS EXACTLY THE UNIVERSAL HEADCANON BATAROU WE HAVE IN THE FANDOM, LMAOOO!! 😂😂😂

Fugitive Garou hiding from Hero Association in Badd's house because they believed Garou is a high-class criminal and a monster who must be punished severely, denying the fact that Garou hasn't killed anyone or even hurting innocent civillians. And Badd is one of very few people who trust Garou and Tareo's confession, so Garou ended up trusting him back by GOING INTO HIS HOUSE FOR PROTECTION, lol! 😆

Now Badd has a stray feral, now tamed, puppy wolf in his home. And harbouring the currently fugitive wanted man could endanger his job, his family, and also Garou himself. That's a tiring daily task to keep people from discovering the truth. But Badd be like, "Fuck the consequences, I wont let anyone hurt Garou anymore" 😠

But if we give it a twist to be more about a Magical AU, maybe Garou is a very chaotic but kindhearted wizard who loves to help bullied kids, poor people, and underdog people in his village. But someone who hates him spreading the false rumours about Garou and getting a mass to hunt him down.

It made Garou furious and he unleashed his anger by his powerful magic that caused the people getting hurt, but nobody died. Kinda regretting his action because it means Garou couldn't stay any longer in his birthplace village, he fled to downtown area in the crowded city far away from his home. But not forgetting to give protection charm for every single person in his village for as a farewell gift, and casted a longstanding protection spell around the village area to repel any bad-intentioned people from entering it.

Then after being a fugitive wizard who looks more like a lone hobo wolf, Garou was wandering around the city without any fixed destination. In the moment of loneliness and desperation, he found someone kind enough to help him (it was Badd) by giving warm food (it was Badd's takeaway fastfood dinner he just bought on the way home after work).

Thus without Badd knowing, Garou following him until they reaching Badd's house (Garou casted a spell to make himself invisible). Imagine Badd was alerted in the middle of night when suddenly there's a suspicious sounds from his kitchen, and Tama was meowing like crazy which is never happened unless there's some stranger intruding his house. When he comes downstairs, he found out there's an invisible force TAKING HIS FOOD FROM THE FRIDGE!

Badd was freaking out and grabbing his metal bat to bonk anything behind that invisible force, but failed because he was disarmed by that force. Then Garou revealed himself that he's a fugitive wizard, asking for a help for a temporary hideout. Badd, who never believed in magic (Zenko is), was baffled at Garou's claim until Garou showed himself what he capable of. Which got Badd awestrucked, and maybe charmed by Garou's awesomeness.

Then their daily life is basically similar like what we have as the universal headcanon, just with a sprinkle of magic 🔮✨

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#7 : "WHATEVER THE FUCK THIS IS, NO BRAIN."

This can be applied to any Batarou headcanon, either canon divergents or AUs! Even also for them in platonic friendship Shitty Teen Squad, yeah especially this! 😆

They're complementing eachother and definitely would share 1 braincell, in which frustated Genos to no end because it seems he's the one who could make the braincell functional enough make them behave well, lol. But despite all of that, Garou and Badd are a pair of loveable dumbasses 😉👍💖

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You would immediately know which dynamics I hyperfixated on, hehe 😜

Yeah personally when I saw the list, I think the ship dynamics #3 and #6 have the freshly good potential for Batarou AU stories! That's why I made them like that. Plz someone make it into more coherent story I'm incapable to write them decently enough I will pass the baton to you aaaa-- 👀😫💦

Honorable mention for dynamic #2 because it's a personal favorite (Demon Garou is Perfection™ 😈✨), and also that the hc means so much to me.. 😌

That's all I have to say about Batarou ship dynamic based on the post, hopefully it could entertain you today! 😚👌💕

Thanks alot for: @hiro-gari, @the-goddessfighter, @kaincuro, @garous-nipple, @jusqu-une-etudiante, @guby1620, @lovelybutnot-ablankcanvas, and @krystalseijuro, also all of Batarou shippers in the fandom! Thank you for always giving me encouragement to keep making more silly contents of Batarou, I really appreciate you all! 😭🙏💕💞💖💝

Hope you have a great day~ 😎👍🌸🌼🌻🌷💐

-Little1993lamb-

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~Lilia:

UM I saw the link and went “no way” because I literally saw that post not two days ago and was thinking about how the first and last ones suited these Boys very well.. BUT also I was like yk who would be able to come up with a brilliant scenario for any one of these??? the emoji anon of course... And, here you are, and you have done just that, and I’m SHOOK like AHHH how’d you know I needed this??

For the first one, I hadn’t even considered feral Badd 😳 I agree it’d be very frightening, since he’s a tough guy but still generally a sweetheart, when he snaps he probably s n a p s and no one is safe

Omg, Demon Garou.. 🤤 *head suddenly empty* Nothing more to say there 😂 But I love clumsy sweetheart Badd ghhhhhsk, I read Dangerous Illusions some time ago and absolutely adored it, I hadn’t seen your original post though, thank you so much for sharing it!! 😩👌

BARISTA BADD yaaas 👏 Especially him doing it for Zenko’s tuition awwe 🥺 he’s totally clueless as to who that nerdy bastard is, I love it!

Ooo the fifth one tho... Reminds me of the flashback scene in AoT where they just... stab the human traffickers 😳 Though I could see it actually, especially if Badd felt Garou’s life was genuinely in danger, and the situation called for someone to intervene immediately 😢 Gave me the feels wahhh

Magical wizard Garou?? All of my yes?? *heart eyes mf* I can just imagine Garou’s troublemaking increasing tenfold with the addition of magic he’d be a top tier prankster, Fred and George meet Garou and Badd especially if he can make himself invisible 😂 dude that fridge EMPTY! I LOVE THIS SM 💖

Ah yes, the last one :”) “two halves of a whole idiot” and annoying the shit out of poor Genos 😂 One of my fave tropes for them for sure!!

Thank you sm for doing this anon!! Your raw creativity never ceases to amaze me 💕💗 THIS IS A BLESSING 🥰 I hope you have a wonderful day too!

[violet-knox]

Severus learns that his girlfriend is related to McGonagall. (Grandmother, great aunt, etc.

Christmas Surprise

Warnings: some naughty touching but no smut 

Word Count: 5627

A/N: I spent a sold minute laughing my ass off imagining Severus’ face when he finds out MC is related to a Gryffindor LOL Thank you so much for the request anon, you made my day

Two hours into the train ride and already you’d begun to feel nostalgia creep its way into your mind. It had barely been five years since you graduated and yet it felt like you were there just yesterday. Of course, owling your boyfriend, reading about all the troublemaking students he taught and the many many lecture outlines he’d gifted you likely took part in your constant attachment to Hogwarts since you left. But when you received that letter from aunt Minvera, well, how could you say no to a surprise visit to your old school during the holidays. The luck you’d been given, holding a ministry position in the Restricted Travels Department had never paid off as much it had now, the familiar sight of the cottage below, all thanks to the strings you pulled for this special trip. No doubt your aunt was just as ecstatic as you, judging by her last, lengthy letter speaking of all the wondrous things she was going to plan for you. 

You weren’t sure what you were looking forward to the most; the look on Severus’ face when he saw you, catching up with your aunt or visiting all your old favourite spots at Hogwarts. You couldn’t even remember the last time you’d spoken with your aunt face to face and you were beyond excited to see if she still had that menacing look on her face when she caught a misbehaving child or if Severus had taken over the role as the school’s scariest Professor. 

He’d told you many tails of his classroom adventures over the few months you’d been dating, each more dramatic than the last and every single one of them ending the same way, with one of his infamous punishments of detention or removal of house points. But every once in a while, his dislike towards Gryffindors would show through when he’d tell you about the empty threats he’d made to jinx one of them if they didn’t stop their foolishness. Little did he know he was speaking to a Gryffindor legacy. Well, that bubble was sure to pop soon now that there was no hiding your family ties to the Head of Gryffindor. 

The closer the train got the more you wanted to jump out and fly there yourself. Has the train always been this slow or did time run faster when you were wasting it away catching up with your friends about what you’d done over the summer? You slowly walked down the corridors of the train, peeking into every empty compartment that looked oddly clean considering the thousands of children it carried to and from Hogwarts every year. You missed the trolley that strolled down this shaggy carpet, offering just a small taste of what Honeydukes had to offer. Oh how you hoped you’d pay Hogsmeade a visit on your trip and perhaps go on a proper date with Severus, conversing in person over dinner or a cup of tea. Anything more than the restricted interaction you’d gotten these last few months would be a blessing, even if it was something as simple roaming down the halls of the castle, hand-in-hand.

Come to think of it, you had never really gone out together since those first two weeks you’d started dating. You’d always be too busy with work and Severus never wishing to do more than have you over, eating dinner and listening to you speak about your day as you cuddled in bed together. It was a wonder he hadn’t asked you to move in yet. Maybe a day in the village, drinking tea and sharing biscuits in Madam Puddifoot’s tea shop would do your relationship some good.

The train vibrated against the tracks below your feet as you closed your eyes, smiling as you recalled all the trips you’d made to Hogwarts, sitting in one of these compartments and dreaming of what new adventure awaited you at the end of the line. This time felt so much different. You were all grown up now; a young and successful Ministry Official, dating an equally talented Wizard and the only thing offered at the end of these tracks now were a simple look into the past, a prowl down memory lane. No new adventure awaited, no classes to look forward to or Professors you dreaded to see, just glee and amity.

Finally, the train began to slow down and you couldn’t stop yourself from pressing your nose to the window, hands against the cold glass, fogging with each breath you exhaled. Your eyes landed on the village first before the train finally stopped and you could see the castle in the far distance. Your heart beat furiously against your chest, your excitement at its peak. Quickly grabbing hold of your luggage, you made your way to the lonesome carriage your aunt had mentioned in her letters would be waiting for you. 

The ride towards the castle was even more torturous than the train as the cold breeze so easily swept from between the cracks of the door and windows. Looking forward, you squinted, unable to believe the carriages had been pulled by Thesterals all those years you were a student at Hogwarts and you just couldn’t help but whisper an empty apology for once trying to charm the carriage to go faster in your fifth year, unaware of the damage it likely caused to the creatures. Your job had truly been a blessing, all the knowledge you’d been given, the responsibility and the pay. Merlin, how generous they were to offer you such a paycheck at such a young age.

“(Y/N)!” Her voice reached your ears before the carriage even began slowing down, but the second you’d passed through those gates, heading straight for the Main Entrance, you could see a tall witch waving at you. Your aunt never was one for subtly, but you’d never seen her so excited before now and it warmed your heart knowing she must have missed you just as much as you had her.  

“Auntie!” You shouted, completely leaving your composure behind as you stepped outside the carriage and began making your way towards her. You both sped towards each other, greeting one another with a tight, long overdue hug.

“Oh, it’s so good to see you dear!” You smiled as you took in the familiar scent of the castle swirling in the air. This felt much more like home than the empty lifeless apartment you’d come back to every night. If only you’d be lucky enough to feel this sense of comfort more often.   

“Likewise! It’s been too long!” You both finally loosened your grip on one another, taking in the very small differences you spotted on your aunt’s face from the last time you’d seen her and oh how unnoticeable they were. She’d aged so well, just like many of her close relatives had and you hoped whatever gene they all shared was passed on to you. Her hair was still as dark as you remembered, not a grey strand in sight and though her eyes weighed heavily on her soul, displaying all the agony and sorrow she’d gone through over the years, she still looked as young as ever.

“Come, you must be exhausted,” Minerva ushered you towards the castle and you looked up at the sky to realize the moon had already proudly displayed itself amongst the sea of darkness. The worst part about winter had to be the shortened days, but at least the castle was kept warm, away from the breeze you felt outside it’s gates. 

“Filch would you please?” You looked back as aunt Minvera gestured towards your luggage asking the caretaker to carry them inside where you were surprised to see a rather shaggy looking cat, protectively standing beside Mr.Filch, eying you like some intruder. The poor man. You’d never paid him much attention in your school days and even now, you’d been so focused on your aunt, you hadn’t realized she’d brought company with her to greet you. You couldn’t believe the same man you always went out of your way to avoid, the man you’d never shown a sliver of respect was now carrying your bags and as your aunt bid you farewell in the Entrance Hall, making her way to retire to her own chambers, leaving you alone with him you felt all the more guilty for the way you’d seen Filch in the past. 

Turning your attention to him, you tried to force a smile on your face, feeling the joy and excitement simmer away the more he and his equally as intimidating cat peered into your eyes.

“Right, this way Ma’am. Professor Sprout was kind enough to find you an empty chamber in the basement,” he said as he gripped onto your bag and turned towards the door leading to the basement.

“Actually,” you stopped him in his tracks, biting your bottom lip. “If you don’t mind, could you help me find Professor Snape’s chambers instead?”

Your request didn’t seem to sit all too well with the caretaker, though judging by the expression on his face, you’d say he looked more so confused than anything else. Finally, you found the strength to offer him the smallest of smiles, hoping it would encourage him to fulfill your request without the need for questions. The last thing you wanted was to tell this man of your relationship when your own aunt likely had no idea you were dating one of her coworkers.

“Er- Of course,” he hesitantly obliged and turned to make his way towards the dungeon instead. You followed shortly after, avoiding his cat’s path as you walked slightly behind him. “I should warn you, Professor Snape doesn’t take kindly to visitors knocking on his door so late at night.”

His tone was serious of course, even holding a little concern for you underneath his words, but you couldn’t help the small chuckle echo through your throat and escape your lips. Severus had been quite the intimidating man himself when you first met, but that hard shell of his had melted away in your eyes long ago and you’d almost forgotten how others must perceived him. 

“Of course he doesn’t,” you responded, more so to yourself than anyone else. 

It wasn’t long before Filch slowed to a complete stop, placing your luggage on the ground in front of the last door at the end of the hallway you’d followed him down. You’d never explored this part of the castle before and it really had you realizing just how large the school was and how much time it was going to take for Severus to show you each and every inch of it. (Oh yes, you were going to make him play tour guide during your visit here, how could you not).

“Thank you,” you said, simply standing there in the hopes he would take the hint and leave before he knocked on the door himself and ruined the surprise you’d been planning for the last two months. Luckily for you, the man’s patience had clearly run out as he went to pick up his cat and walk away, mumbling something about strange behaviour and mannerisms to himself (or the cat, dealers choice really).

You waited until he was completely out of sight before knocking three times on the door in front of you. Your grin widened with anticipation, waiting for that moment the door opened. You could only imagine the look on his face; complete and utter shock followed by a loss of words. He was as predictable as a Muggle children’s book.

Holding your knuckles up to the door, you were about to rap on it again after a moment of silence before you suddenly began to hear some subtle rustling from the other side. Lowering your hand, you leaned your head forward, turning your ear towards the door when the noises stopped and you heard the doorknob turn as a familiar voice seeped right through the wood barrier between you.

“What could possibly be so urgent that-” Severus had begun his scolding before he’d even pulled the door open, but once his eyes met yours, he began wishing he could swallow back those words he let so easily roll off his tongue. “(Y/N)?”

“Hi Sev,” you suppressed a giggle as you watched his eyes widen, his mouth hanging open as he froze there in shock, just as you’d imagined he would. 

“What-what are you doing here?” He managed to stumble out as he finally began to process your presence. It felt like another dream and who knew, perhaps it was all just a dream but Merlin how he prayed it was real. He’d never felt as lonely as he did than in these past few months, owling you yet unable to touch you, feel you, see you. He’d gone to bed every night recalling the feeling of your head laying against his chest, cuddling up to him. He’d retire to his chambers every day, imagining what it would be like to find you sitting there on the couch with a book in hand, waiting to hear how his classes had gone. 

“Don’t tell me you aren’t glad to see me,” you teased. “Do you have someone else in there, a secret lover I don’t know about or-”

Yup this was definitely real, and he was certainly not dreaming. Grabbing your waist, he pulled you in, cutting your words mid-sentence and held you as tightly as he could. All it took was a whiff of your scent for him to push you deeper into him, desperate to satisfy the starved feeling that had grown in his chest the second he’d left you for Hogwarts in September. 

You could hardly breath with the death grip he had around you, but you didn’t care. You’d missed the feeling of his nose brushing against your skin as he buried his face in the crock of your neck. Your arms immediately wrapped themselves around his neck, your fingers finding their place between his locks (that seemed a lot greasier than usual). You didn’t care about the world around you so long as he held you as close as he did now.

“I missed you,” you said, loosening your grip and encouraging him to do the same, just enough to see his face.

“I can’t believe you’re here.” The surprise in his tone remained, even when his voice dropped to an almost near whisper. “But why have you come? Are you here as a Ministry Official?”

“No, Sev.” You giggled at his assumption, cupping his cheek with one hand, looking deep into his eyes to watch them sparkle when you told him your attention for the next two weeks were for him and him alone. “I wanted to surprise you! I’m here for the holidays.”

His lips slowly stretched into a smile as you spoke. Christmas wasn’t for another few days, yet he felt like he was experiencing a miracle right now. He couldn’t believe you were here, that you’d gone out of your way to spend the holidays with him. Hope settled in as he imagined you sitting by his side during meals, spending Christmas together as opposed to all the previous years where he’d spent the day reorganizing the Potions storeroom instead as a distraction for the glee spreading through the castle like an infection. 

He let his hands slide up and down your sides, his eyes roaming the features of your face in admiration. His smile grew wider with each moment that passed and he suddenly became very thankful you’d arrived so late into the night; heaven forbid a student walk passed you right now and witness the joy written all over his face. But he couldn’t help it. He cared for you, he loved your company and your touch even more. 

Unable to hold back his urges any longer, he roughly pressed his lips to yours, desperate for the affection he couldn’t stop craving since your very first kiss. Your taste was a drug he could never get enough of and tonight was no exception. 

You hummed in delight, moving your lips with his as you felt him claw at your jacket. Frustrated with the thick layers between you, he quickly moved one hand to pull on the zipper keeping him from you, giving him room to slip his hand under your jumper and feel the warmth of your skin. Parting for air, he trailed kisses down your jaw, latching himself to the crook of your neck. You could hardly process his movements as he pressed you deeper into him with one hand, the other moving down your side until you felt his thumb begin to rub taunting strokes on your hip. 

“Looks like I’m not getting any sleep tonight am I,” you chuckled, accepting his welcome as you closed your eyes. Your smile only grew wider when he mumbled against your skin and began stepping back into his chambers, pulling you with him.

Somehow, the move from the corridor to his room evaporated what little space was left between you both and you could feel his excitement grow through his trousers. Tugging on his hair, you pulled him from your neck and crashed your lips into his, distracting him enough to slowly trail your fingers down his chest without his notice. The moment he let out a soft moan against your lips, you began to unbuckle his belt, slowly unzipping his trousers, bringing his attention to where your hands had snuck to. 

Severus felt himself leaning into the moment, ready to push you onto the couch and make up for the lack of physical contact these last few months until he felt you suddenly pull away from your kiss and take a step back. He opened his eyes to see his belt in your hands, as you gave him a devious smirk. 

“Mind bringing in my luggage?” You bit on your lip to keep from giggling at the stunned look on his face as you gestured to the abandoned baggage behind the half open door. 

Severus stood there starstruck before letting out a small groan in protest as he went to zip up his trousers and make his way around you to the door. You watched him irately pull at his robes, satisfied with your aim to tease him and quickly made your way to the bedroom as he went to go retrieve your forsaken belongings. His patience completely ran out as he watched you scurry to his bed when he’d turned back around. He dropped your bags the second he stepped an inch back into his chambers, lazily pushing the door closed and ran after you without looking back.  

You woke up the next morning, freezing every inch of your body, but of course, what more would you expect from the chamber hidden in the deepest corner of the Hogwarts dungeon. Rolling over, you let your hand travel through the sheets until you felt the familiar narrow form of your boyfriend, offering you the only bit of warmth in the room.  

“You’re up early,” Severus said, shifting in his place as you comfortably snuggled into his side. He sounded so tired; you could only assume you’d woken him up earlier than what he was used to.

“It’s freezing cold Severus, how do you sleep in here,” you said with sleep still hanging from the edge of your voice as you nuzzled into his neck and closing your eyes. 

Severus snuck a hand under you, pulling you in close as he tugged on the covers so that they were over your bare shoulders. Normally he’d be absolutely enraged at being woken up so early especially after a long night of patrolling the halls, looking for insolent rule breaking students, but he definitely didn’t mind it if it meant waking up to see you. 

“Better?” He asked, smiling down at you as he felt your leg sneak between his, your head placed right over his heart. 

“Yes,” you thanked him and felt him leaving a peek atop your head in return. You both settled into the bed, but neither of you made an effort to fall back asleep, opting to simply lie in one another’s arms, gentle strokes of affection exchanged until the sun came up. 

Time flew by and before you knew it, you were both slowly dressing to head to breakfast and the more you got ready, the more you seriously began to consider Severus’ offer of spending the rest of the day in his chambers, away from the rest of the staff and the few students who stayed behind for the holidays. But you couldn’t bring yourself to hide away like that, besides, your aunt was expecting your presence and you knew how it would look to her if you were absent.

Severus closed the door behind you and you both began making your way to the Great Hall. He felt his usual bitterness seep back in with each step he took towards his colleagues, the joy he felt from last night withering away and if it wasn’t for the fact that you were here, taking a seat beside him, he would have chalked up the entire night as a blissful dream. Watching others steadily join the single breakfast table had Severus indulging himself deeper into your conversation, doing his best to pretend as though he was still back in his private chambers alone with you. It wasn’t until Minerva sat down beside you that he felt pulled away from his fantasy as you began conversing with his the Head of his rival House. 

“Sleep well dear?” Your aunt asked as she took her seat beside you, a glimmer hidden in her eyes.

“It was a bit cold, but I slept well,” you smiled back at her kindly. Severus watched intently as you exchanged words with Minerva, feeling a little discontent at the sudden enthusiasm she showed for you. He’d seen Minerva smile when Gryffindor won the house cup or laugh when they’d joke together about the new Defense professor, but he’d never seen her glow like she did when she spoke with you. Was it your charisma? Your kindness?  

“You both seem quite comfortable with one another. Have you previously met?”

“Of course!” Minerva exclaimed. “Severus, this is my niece, I told you she was coming,” she explained and you watched Severus’ face completely freeze up, stuck in a state of complete and utter shock.

“Your-your what?”

“Well… she’s my great aunt technically,” you quietly intervened, biting your lip, feeling a little guilty for the stiffened air surrounding the three of you. You only prayed it wouldn’t get worse when your aunt found out you were dating Severus.

“Severus, you’re uncharacteristically quiet, is everything alright?” Minerva’s words went straight over his head as he looked back and forth between you and her. All these years working as a spy, he’d learned to anticipate the unexpected, but this was something he didn’t think Merlin himself could have ever predicted.

“I-I…” He stuttered for the first time either of you had known him but as soon as his eyes finally settled on you, your fear for his next words grew. “How could you not tell me Minerva’s your aunt?”

He spoke so fast as he leaned closer to you, like it would somehow prevent the rest of the world from overhearing. Though of course, you could never have been granted such luck and nothing could have prevented you from feeling like you were being scolded like a child in front of a room full of people.

“You never asked!”

“Merlin’s beard! Why on earth would I ask such a specific question when we’ve only been dating for a few months.”

“It’s been a little longer than that Severus,” you said a little hurt he didn’t seem to cherish your relationship as much as you. Honestly, you had half a mind to correct him and ask what these last six months meant to him until your aunt reminded you this was no place to start such a discussion.

“Dating?” She spat out, bringing the eyes of everyone around the table to you. “(Y/N) explain yourself! What is going on?”

Your mouth hung open, taken back by her stern tone. The way she looked at you made you feel like a child hiding your boyfriend after your family had explicitly said dating was off the table. Your heart pounded against your chest as you turned to face her, the anticipation for her reaction weighing you with every second that passed.

“Well auntie, I’ve been dating Severus since July,” you said as gently as possible. You’d known your aunt for as long as you could remember and you’d seen her snap at your cousins for showing the smallest bit of recklessness when they became of age but that couldn’t even compare to the look you saw on her face right now. Looking between your aunt and your boyfriend, you felt your cheeks heat up at the sight of their pale faces and widened eyes, matching those of the bystanders all witnessing the little exchange between all three of you.

“…Surprise,” you said in the smallest, most shriveled voice, hoping the universe would do you a favour and miraculously open a hole in the floor beneath you and swallow you whole.

“I can’t believe- The nerve you both have-” Minerva’s rage radiated off of her, Severus was convinced standing within a three feet radius of her would probably cause more damage than an unforgivable curse. 

“Minerva-” Severus spoke cautiously.

“This is-this is just-” Her obvious fury seemed to prevent her from finishing a sentence and it somehow made her seem all the more terrifying.

“Perhaps we should continue this conversation after breakfast,” you whispered to the both of them before gesturing to the rest of those sitting at the table. 

Their gazes seemed to stick to you like super glue for what felt like an eternity but eventually, by Merlin’s grace, everyone’s attention was torn from you and breakfast went back to normal (as normal as it could get). You sat there in long agonizing silence for the rest of the morning as everyone around you finished their food until you found yourself alone with your aunt sitting on one side of you and your boyfriend on the other. No one spoke a word while the air thickened, waiting for the ticking bomb of rage to explode.

“Auntie, before you say anything, let us explain,” you jumped in and broke the tension before she could speak. “We met in June at the Ministry and at first we’d strike up simple conversations during lunch, but eventually, we began to talk over dinner and well… we just grew closer to one another.”

The longer you spoke, the faster you felt the blood rush to your cheeks and by the time you’d gotten to your last few words, you’d completely forgotten what you’d just said. You went completely stiff as you watched your aunt’s eyes drill into yours, the sharp and alarming look on her face worrying you over what absurd thought was running through her head. You could only pray she wasn’t on the verge of pouncing on Severus in any way. The last thing you wanted was for a wall to form between them. They were already the Heads of the two most opposing Houses at Hogwarts, they surely didn’t need any more reason to clash with one another.  

“Severus, I swear, if you mistreat her-” Those were definitely not the words you’d expected to hear from her, but it was Severus’ response that had your heart skip a beat before almost stopping entirely. 

“I’d never do such a thing! I love her!” He’d blurted out without a second thought. Once again, silence fell and Severus felt the room shrink around him, your eyes widening, looking at him with nothing but shock all over your face and he would have gladly taken facing the Dark Lord over existing in this room any longer if the opportunity arose.

“You what?” you managed to crook out. 

“I-” Severus looked at you and felt the room vanish, leaving him with his heart exposed before you. “I love you.”

Your ears had to have been deceiving you, at least that’s what you’d convinced yourself before he repeated himself, his words clear as day. A smile etched its way to your lips, that sparkle in his eyes melting your heart. His confession couldn’t have been sweeter though you wished the moment was a little more romantic than being stuck in the Great Hall with your protective aunt who probably wasn’t the happiest to hear one of her coworkers profess his love for you.

But you didn’t care. The moment didn’t have to be perfect, it was the man before you that you cared about. He was perfect and you were so happy to hear he too felt that spark that was growing between you both these last few months.  

“I love you too,” you whispered back with words as sweet and full of passion as his and for a moment, just a short moment, you both felt as though you were the only ones left on earth, the world yours for the taking, yours to explore together.

“Well, this has been quite the morning,” Minerva intruded, obviously (and rightfully) feeling a bit intrusive.

“Auntie, I’m sorry. I should have mentioned I was dating Severus when we spoke about my visit,” you said, finally realizing the full extent of your lack of transparency. You felt selfish and curial for putting her through all this, especially now when she’d found herself caught in such a blissful moment between you both. You turned to Severus next, feeling guilty for the sheer amount of shock he’d endured today. “And I’m sorry I didn’t mention my relation to Minerva, Sev.”

Severus gave you the gentlest of smiles, looking as though you could never do wrong in his eyes. He in fact didn’t much care for your relation to Minerva, at least not in this moment, not when he’d begun to realize just how much he cared for you and how special you are to him. He’d learn to deal with the changing relationship between him and Minerva. He’d do anything to keep you happy, even if that meant showing the Head of Gryffindor a little less strife and a little more respect at work. 

“I hope you realize this changes nothing about your visit to Hogwarts.” You turned back to your aunt and saw her settle back into that strict and stern Professor you’d grown to love. “And I request you use the room Pomona so graciously prepared for you!”

“Yes, Auntie,” you nodded in agreement, making note to do your best and divide up your time between the two of them on your stay here, hoping perhaps she’d be willing to spend time with Severus as well, warming up to the idea of accepting him into the family.  

Minerva seemed more or less satisfied, but Severus knew her better than to judge her by the expression she wore on her face. He knew once you left, once he was left alone in this great big castle with her, she would unleash her wrath and pester him on every little thing about you. Privacy was going to be a real concern for him, especially since he’d wished to keep his relationship with you a secret to keep you out of harm’s way. With his position as a spy, he knew the more people that were aware of his feelings towards you, the more dangerous it would be to continue dating, but still, one could hope right? In this moment, all he could do was hang on to that smile you gave him and the warming comfort that came with your support. 

You watched your aunt compose herself before standing from her seat and bid you farewell, instructing you to meet her in her office once you were all settled into the room initially assigned to you for tea. You agreed of course and thanked her before giving her a hug, waiting for the doors to close behind her and finally letting your emotions flourish as you smiled from ear to ear. 

“You don’t really mean that, do you?” Severus had stood as soon as Minerva had left and wrapped his arms around you, his chest pressed tightly against your back. He rested his chin on your shoulder and took in your scent, hoping he wouldn’t have to sneak around the castle, hopping from your room to his like children with something to hide for the next two weeks. He’d gotten so used to waking up next to you over the summer, he couldn’t imagine the agony of being stripped from that privilege right when he’d been regifted it last night.

“Well,” you said as you leaned into his embrace, placing your hands over his. “She said I have to use the room, she didn’t say anything about prohibiting overnight visitors.”

Severus chuckled at your cunning loophole wondering how on earth you were related to a Gryffindor when you so clearly belonged in Slytherin with him.

“You are absolutely brilliant,” he said, silently thanking Merlin for this Christmas miracle he’d been given. 

“Come on,” you said as you spun around, grabbing hold of his hand. “I have a few hours to spare before meeting Minerva. Why don’t we continue ‘catching up’ until then?”

Severus felt enchanted, unable to do anything more than follow you down the halls and back to the dungeons where you both began a long, well needed, holiday together, leaving all your worries and troubles behind.