#i wont ever have a real friend that i care about and cares about me in return

[sweet-milky-tea705]

Day 1000000000000 of being romantically confused.

[stellardeer]

BRO OKAY so like my whole life I have only had 2 people tell me that they think I have a big nose, one was this kid in high school who i did not like and he did not like me and he was trying to insult me and said something about me having a big nose and I was like lmao i dont even have a big nose try again, and he was like uhh yes you do! But he was the ONLY person who had ever said that and I brushed it off AND YET that ONE SINGULAR COMMENT stuck with me for years and had me checkin every now and then in the mirror but every time im like ??? I do not see it, I cannot possibly have a big nose, maybe a little round on the end, and I love big noses I don't even think there would be anything wrong with it if I did, but when I think of big nose I either think like wide and flat or like tall bridge, both of which are awesome but I simply do not have.

And then a couple years ago, about 12 years after the first comment, one of my friends was saying something about like facial features and how to compliment them and she said something like "yeah like when you have a bigger nose like you and me" and I was like "wait, *do* I have a big nose?? You are the second person to ever have told me that" and she was like "yeah a little bit, but not in a bad way, mine is too!" And tbh I dont think she does either, but like I have found myself now comparing my face to other people trying to figure out what qualifies as a big nose, and again, I'm not even that self conscious about it, I just genuinely dont see it

But just now. I was looking through saved snaps between me and my spouse cause we have a snap streak going so I just send him a random blurry selfie a lot of the time and he saves almost all of them (we love him ♡) and I stopped on one where I was laying down and I had taken a pic from like an angle below my chin, and I noticed it.. I realized that from the bottom... my nose DOES kinda look a little big, I mentioned it being round on the end, ykno, but it is not that noticeable from the front or side, and then I realized.... the only people who have ever told me that I have a big nose have been like half a foot shorter than me 😂

[beutifal-secret]

I don't understand why everyone gets what I want but me

[fortunately-bi]

...... If I went on a hiatus for who knows how long again would y'all hate me....... 👉👈

[wispeth]

(doppelganger Merlin au. Arthur is looking at two Merlin's, who both have all of Merlin's memories, except the imposter doesn't have magic. which is perfect, because the real Merlin lied so flawlessly to Arthur that imposter Merlin would have a real chance to take over Merlin's life. oh and, uh, Merlin was drugged w a truth serum. so he can't lie about the magic if it comes up. The imposter is able to pretend to be Merlin better than Merlin can bc ofc the magic comes up.)

Arthur: What's the first thing you ever said to me?

Imposter Merlin, confidently: Hey, that's enough. You've had your fun my friend.

Real Merlin, dazed, looking over at the imposter in horror as he realizes that the imposter has all of his memories, and that the imposter is actually capable of lying rn unlike himself, which means Real Merlin can't even keep up his own facade, but the imposter can: (says exactly the same thing in perfect unison with the imposter, but looks a lot more lost and shaken about it)

Arthur, narrowing his eyes at them both: What is your favorite tunic to dress me in?

Imposter Merlin: The red one. (It was a fair enough assumption. It was the one that Merlin picked out for Arthur to wear more than any of the others.)

Real Merlin, unable to believe he's about to admit this, but he has truth potion in his system: Your nightshirt, when you decide to wear it... It is--you look the happiest, in that one. (gay sweatdrop)

Arthur, kind of floored by the vulnerability: (was honestly expecting Merlin to say the red one, but now he wasn't so sure because that also sounded like something girlish that Melrin might say) Alright... How many times have you saved my life?

Imposter Merlin, gleeful on the inside because he finally has a chance to play Merlin's part while Merlin can't even maintain his own web of lies because of the truth potion: (to this imposter's credit, he is very good at pretending to be merlin. he starts mumbling to himself and counting on his fingers, just as Arthur thought Merlin might have done.) Let's see, there was the dagger, the poison, the... (proceededs to ramble off most every single one that Arthur himself is aware of) ... so that's about, a dozen? I'd say?

also Imposter Merlin: (places his hands on his hips in Merlin's sassy way) I'm starting to think you owe me a day off.

Real Merlin, voice shaky, because they are getting nearer and nearer to the topic of magic: Twice a fortnite for as long as I've lived in Camelot... That's got to be in the hundreds by now.

Arthur, suddenly remembering all the creatures of the week that suddenly disappeared before they became a problem. He knew of about one every month or two, but he started reconsidering if his guardian angel had been taking care of threats that he perhaps DIDN'T know about: Erm... (still can't tell who the real Merlin is, because one of them is giving all the answers he's looking for and is acting exactly like he would expect Merlin to, but the other Merlin is being so damn earnest right now, as Merlin was wont to do in times of crisis) What is--what's an honest truth that you've told me that I have mistaken for a lie?

Imposter Merlin, knowing that he's being quizzed on the memories of their shared history, without missing a beat: Valiant's shield. It was enchanted with those snakes. You got into a world of trouble for confronting him about it in front of the entire court. (aka exactly the answer that Arthur was expecting from the real Merlin)

Real Merlin, with a knot in his throat and tears in his eyes because he knows he's doomed: (the first instance that came to mind was that time he saved Gwen's father from sickness using magic and Gwen got thrown in the dungeons for being an alleged sorceress--and of course that was his first thought, he is very very paranoid about the magic so it's all he's thinking about--he has to say the first one for the sake thought for the sake of honesty, even though it's damning) Gwen's not the s-sorcerer... I am. (is also making exactly the same face that he was making the day that he told Arthur about Valiant's shield, the face where he is pleading for Arthur to believe him. The imposter only has access to Merlin's memories through Merlin's eyes, so the imposter wasn't able to see what Merlin's face did that day, so he wouldn't have known)

Arthur, now even more unsure, just gapes for a moment because how fucking stupid does someone have to be to confess to sorcery in Camelot? Twice?! And it was worse yet that he still couldn't tell for sure which Merlin was the real Merlin because he'd never had to combine the image of Merlin with magic before and gods damn it all he needed a moment to process: (decided to start asking Merlin questions about himself instead of quizzing him on information that Arthur already knows) Who was your first love? (fully expecting to hear Gwen's name, although, Merlin was quite flamboyant....)

Imposter Merlin: It was Will... (blushes a little, looking flustered and matter of factly at the same time, in that awkward way that mimics merlin perfectly) You met him, in Ealdor.

Real Merlin, sneering at the imposter in the way that he did Cedric when he was bitter about replaced by a possessed man in the Cornelius Sigan incident (a/n: even though the episode I mention in this line is a totally different one. I think I mix referenced a lot of episodes in this ramble actually): H-her name was Freya. You killed her.

Arthur, alarmed: Killed her? Wh--Merlin--not Merlin--Merlin? (stammers on how to address this Merlin, tosses his hands up after 0.5 seconds) I do not recall killing any village girls in Ealdor..!

Real Merlin, shaking his head: She was the bastet. It wasn't her fault, she was cursed by a sorceress to become a bastet at night. It wasn't your fault either, you did what you had to; I don't blame you for what happened.

Arthur, suddenly remembering that night, remembering how Merlin was reaching for the dangerous feline beast as if it were only a kitten, as if Merlin was going to pet it, or shield it from Arthur, or any other number of things that also seem so very Merlin. Arthur hadn't even considered it before, but now? Looking back? Merlin certainly had been remarkably upset in the passing days after that: (more confused than ever) Wh... Where did -- where were you, yesterday? (Gaius already told Arthur that Merlin was at the tavern)

Imposter Merlin: At the Rising Sun. Gwaine took me out for a round of drinks. Something about a lucky charm?

Arthur, nodding along: (it was true that Arthur has heard Lancelot and a few other knights call Merlin a lucky charm) Hm... (turns to look at the other Merlin)

Real Merlin, with a wobbling lip: (laughs weakly, rolling his teary eyes a bit) I told him to stop using that excuse... (refocuses) I was crawling out of the mirror, if you must know. I TOLD you I had a funny feeling about it. (motions to the imposter) (he has tears in his eyes and a smile on his face, and his voice sounds exactly the same as it did that one time when he said to Arthur 'you're certainly not' after Arthur told him that no man was worth his tears)

Arthur, now watching Real Merlin more closely than Imposter Merlin, searching: Who was your favorite guest to mock at the feasts and whatnot?

Imposter Merlin: (kind of stumped bc he wasn't expecting a question like this)

Real Merlin, who is actually able to answer first after some thought: ..... (snorts) Does-- (snorts again) Would the Lady Catrina count as a guest, d'you think? Or should I--no--I'll say it was the Lady Vivian. You get this, LOOK on your face every time she sits near you at the banquet table when she comes 'round.

Arthur, jaw dropped in mock offense: Because she is rather touchy! We've been over this..! (doesn't even realized that he just responded to Real Merlin as if he were for sure the real Merlin, and momentarily forgot that there were two convincing Merlins present)

Imposter Merlin: Are you mad? Arthur, the fake me said it himself that he crawled out of the mirror and practices sorcerery..! (looks so earnest, so genuine, but it's just... not quite how Merlin would say it)

Arthur: (narrows his eyes at the imposter with slight suspicion)

Imposter Merlin: (gives Arthur a flat look, exactly like the real Merlin would do when Arthur says something stupid) Arthur, I am not a sorcerer. You would know. (a/n: last episode style)

Arthur, who had never once suspected magic, but did always know that Merlin had been keeping a secret from him (he'd always assumed it was the alcoholism, but now....): You'd think so, wouldn't you.... (glances at the real Merlin, looking a little hurt)

Real Merlin, not denying the magic at all: I was born with it. I use it for you, Arthur.

Imposter Merlin: You can't honestly--

Arthur, looking deep into Real Merlin's eyes: Swear to me, right now, that you are telling me the truth. Prove it to me.

Real Merlin: (grabs the hidden dagger out of the imposters hands, who had apparently been gearing up to attack Arthur, which is confusing enough all on its own because it made it difficult to tell which one of them was truly intent on attacking Arthur with it, and then charges Arthur)

Arthur, who normally has keen warrior reflexes but not when his enemies wear Merlin's face: (freezes up, and then watches in shock as the dagger clashes against the thin air about an inch in front of Arthur's chest, cast aside by some glowing shield that fades after a second)

Real Merlin: Why do you think it takes me three hours to polish your armor? Do you have any idea how long it takes to enchant the space between every link of chainmail? (drops the dagger at Arthur's feet so he knows it was just a demonstration and not a genuine attack, similar to the way that Arthur always aims just to the left of Merlin when he's throwing blunt objects such as goblets because he never wishes any actual harm on Merlin)

Arthur, blinking dazedly: (can't help but think of that one time that Merlin spontaneously became talented at juggling. it's such a strange thing to remember, and completely unrelated to the current happenings, but Merlin's smile was small and smug just like it had been that day, and it just--clicked)

also Arthur, looking slightly more sure of himself now: (needs one final test to make absolutely certain, but he thinks he knows just what to ask) What would you have me do, if I cannot tell you apart?

Real Merlin, without missing a beat: Arrest us both. (shrugs casually) I am a sorcerer after all. Better safe than sorry.

(And that's just it, isn't it. It was just like Merlin, to sacrifice himself like that. It was just so, unmistakenly Merlin.)

Arthur, smirking in mock offense: Better safe than--excuse you, I could take you apart with one blow!

Merlin *cough*hearteyes*cough* "Emrys" Hunithson™, the one and only: I could take you apart with less than that

(In the end, Merlin walks himself to the dungeons as the imposter is arrested, just to give Arthur peace of mind so there's no pressure to second guess his decision since even if Arthur chose wrong, there is no assassin Merlin imposter on the loose. Merlin and the imposter both spend 3 days in their respective cells before the imposter finally does some decidedly out of character shit and Arthur can have him executed with full confidence that it's not Merlin... since the guy really was very good at mimicking Merlin. Arthur didn't even realize that he'd needed it at the time, but looking back, he probably would have had a panic attack as the imposter was marched to be hanged. He probably would have doubted himself at the last second and wondered if he really did believe the right Merlin those few days ago. But thankfully, Merlin thinks ahead sometimes and is actually quite thoughtful and wise on these such rare occasions.)

[citricacidprince]

could you draw the courtroom scene with relativity falls? (mabels bubble)

Gladly!!! I’ve already brought up some Stan Weirdmageddon Bubble stuff here, but the equivalent of the Mabel Trial for Stan makes me wanna blow up I just adore it!!

Okay, so first things first, here’s Captain Stan’s design, my precious baby boy <3

Figured it’d be fun to mix some aspects of Grunkle Stan’s Mr. Mystery outfit with a pirate twist, just for fun!

As for the ‘trial’, its more of a argument between two boys who just WONT talk about their issues

Fiddleford, Boyish Dan, and Anjelita are also there, but Stan isn’t mad at them. In fact, he doesn’t even care that they’re breaking the rules by being there, he’s only mad at Ford. He’s mad that Ford was just going to leave him behind and send Stan back to New Jersey by himself while he stayed and studied with their Grunkle Dipper. Leaving Stan all by himself at home. Alone to deal with their father. Alone with no friends. Alone to be the family disappointment.

But no matter how mad he gets at Ford, Stan can’t ever say that he’s hates him, and Stan would give him a million chances to fix things. So, instead of immediately throwing Ford off the deck of his ship, he gives him an ultimatum. A very easy solution to all of this.

All Ford has to do is say that he’s sorry, and Stan would let him go. He won’t leave the bubble because he actually really likes it in there, but he’ll let Ford go.

This.. doesn’t end very well

Stan, absolutely heartbroken, decides to make his brother walk the plank. If he’s dead to Ford, well then Ford is dead to him as well.

However, right before his crew could push Ford into the water, something happened.

You see, when Stan unknowingly gave the rift to Bill he only had one wish. That he’d never be alone again. So when he first appeared in his bubble it was actually completely dark and empty, except for a small light glowing in his hands. It was a little version of Ford. He smiled and laughed just like he did when they were a bit younger, and he said everything Stan wanted to hear.

Very quickly Stan realized he could manipulate the bubble and create anything that he wanted, just like he could back in the Mindscape. So he created what he knew. Glass Shard Beach, New Jerseys. It was full of never ending boardwalks, houses and attractions with silly names, and that beach he loved so much. It didn’t take long after that to realize it was still quite lonely, even with Lil’ Ford (a name he lovingly gave the small version of his brother). However, he didn’t want the town to be full of faceless nobodies or people he actually knew, that’d be weird.

Then he had the genius idea to just fill the town with himself! After all, he never had to worry about himself betraying him or leaving him behind!

Soon the town was overrun with imperfect duplicates of himself and he couldn’t have been any happier.

However, the duplicates were so much like him that it soon made a new problem arise. They started asking about Ford. Like, ‘Where is he?’ ‘Can you make one?’ ‘I miss having him around.’

Stan did have Lil’ Ford hidden under his pirate hat, but he didn’t want to tell the other Stans that he was there. He didn’t know exactly why he kept Lil’ Ford hidden away. Probably a mixture of bitterness and anger still aimed at his real twin brother and a selfishness to keep Lil’ Ford to himself. So he just declared that Fords were banned altogether and left it at that.

This was a problem when right as Stanford was about to pushed off the plank, Lil’ Ford came out from under the Captain’s hat and told Stan to stop all of this.

The two bicker for a moment and some Stans ask who that is, causing Lil’ Ford to happily state that he’s Stanley’s brother, that the two are going to sail the world together, and that he loves Stan very dearly.

This doesn’t go over well with literally any of the Stan on board and it especially doesn’t go over well with Ford

The Stans pull a mutiny and try to kill Stan because they don’t think he should be Captain anymore and one of them should run the town instead.

Hard cut to Boyish Dan, Anjelita, Fiddleford, Ford, and Stan having a high speed boat chase with other Stans and popping the bubble while escaping. (I like to think Stan popped the bubble at the last second with the help of Shanklin <3 )

Stan is NOT happy about having to leave his Weirdmageddon bubble.

“You should have left me in there. I was HAPPY there.”

“Who cares if you were happy, you were living a lie! A sad delusion! You should be happy we pulled you out of there!”

Boyish Dan has it cut in before the two start fighting right then and there

Stan eventually calms down enough to decide that he’s going to save their Grunkle Dipper from Bill, but there is a thick tension between Stan and Ford that last until the huge blow out fight at the Cipher Wheel

A fight that started because Stan wanted Ford to finally say it.

‘I’m Sorry.’

[reidmania]

sharpest tool | s. reid

(chapter one, the only exception)

‘I've always lived like this ,keeping a comfortable distance and up until now I had sworn to myself, that I'm content with loneliness, because none of it was ever worth the risk, but you are the only exception. You are the only exception’

summary; you never thought you’d find yourself falling in love again, especially not this easily, especially not with the boy from the library.

warnings; fem reader, mentions of bad relationship history, reader is closed off, avoidant!reader, lowkey a friends w benefits situation but its so much more, reader is lowkey so real; fluff!!

taglist; @gghostwriter @iknwreid (it literally wont let me tag anyone else!! Im sorry!!)

1.8k words.

SERIES MASTERLIST

White bed sheets were tousled, there was faint music that could be heard from your radio in the living room, even with the door closed, the air was warm around you, lights turned off, yet the fairy lights twirled around your bed frame left a warm glow across the room that increased the delicacy of the moment.

You admired the boy laying beside you, on his back, eyes up to the ceiling as soft breaths left his parted lips. The warmth of the fairy lights making his skin glow, every small detail further defined, his eyes with a slight gleam, you were unsure if that was from the lights or the intimate moment shared.

“I can feel you staring.” He said, his voice was careful, quiet as if not to ruin the fragile peace in the air. Your eyes didn’t leave his face, despite his words, they remained memorising the details of his side profile, the curve of his nose and jaw, the plush of his lips, the fullness of his eyelashes; every detail committed to a special corner of your mind.

Then his head turned at your lack of response, his eyes meeting yours, then there was a small smile on his face, lips curved upwards, his eyes mirroring your own as he admired you in the gentle lighting. “What is it?” He asked, his voice still so quiet.

Your lips curved upwards as his had a few minutes ago as his eyes stopped their dancing over your features to meet your eyes. “Im just glad, y’know.” You admitted, the same gentleness in your voice. As if this moment would end if you spoke too loudly, to fast, too much.

He shuffled slightly to reposition so he was laying on his side, body turned towards your own. He propped himself up on his elbow, “Me too.” He said, you didn’t have to say what it was you were glad about, he knew. He always knew.

Then his smile widened before he spoke again, “Im glad I didn’t give up when you rejected me the first two times.” He mumbled gently. A breathy laugh left your lips at the memory.

When you met Spencer at the library a whole six months ago, the last thing you had expected was to end up falling for him. Sure, you were attracted to him but you had been attracted to people before. Sure, the way he had rambled about the book you were borrowing had you smiling and listening intently. Sure, when he had asked you if you wanted to get coffee, you had considered it for a moment.

Then you politely declined. You watched his face twitch in disappointment and embarrassment before you had explained it was nothing against him, you just weren’t interested in dating at the moment. You thought that was the end of it when he nodded and said he understood then left with a small smile, and quick sheepish wave.

Then you saw him at the library again two weeks later, you invited him to sit with you because you could feel his eyes on you from across the room. He sat with you in the library for two hours that day, the both of you laughing and rambling about different books you had read.

Spencer was respectful of your decision not to date. He didn’t pry or ask why which you were the most respectful for, but every time he saw you at the library he would sit with you, you two would talk sometimes, sometimes you would just sit together and read silently, he would finish an abundance of books in the time it took you to read one, and for a while you were convinced he didn’t actually read them.

Then he explained his ability and knowledge one day when he noticed you eyeing him weirdly. Then you were both impressed and interested. It felt like a push and pull game when he asked you out again two days later, and you were almost going to say yes. You were almost going to forget about the hurt you had endured in past relationships or how nothing seemed to work out for you. You were almost going to forget about the engraved belief that you just weren’t made to be loved.

Almost.

You rejected him again, but you told him you really enjoyed spending time with him and you would love to be friends. He had accepted and you felt guilty for the first time in a long time for rejecting someone, he was quick to notice that and reassure you he understood your decision and he would love to be your friend.

That friendship was a bliss. He would disappear sometimes, but when you learnt what he did for work it all made sense. You also didn’t really mind the disappearance of who seemed to be your only friend. You had gotten use to being alone, you enjoyed it. You relished in the space you had, the lack of expectation, the lack of chance of getting hurt.

The more time you spent with Spencer the more you realised how amazing he was. The way he spoke, the way his brain worked, the way he treated you and made you feel. You spent a long time in denial of these feelings for him you had grown, because it never ended well.

You didn’t date. You hadn’t for years and that was good, that was easy. You weren’t hurt or disappointed by meaningless flings or relationships ending badly, you didn’t spend your time trying to get over breakups or men who didn’t know the difference between their, there and they’re.

Not dating was easy. It was safe, and it was good. Until you met Spencer and all of those morals seemed to be thrown out the window every time he would smile, or open a door for you, buy you a collection of gifts when he learnt he had missed your birthday.

You had kissed him, one time when you were at his apartment. You hadn’t really even thought about what you were doing, you just knew he looked really good in the warm lighting of his kitchen, placing a tray of baked cupcakes on the stovetop to cool. You just knew that whatever fear you had of relationships didn’t seem so scary when Spencer was around.

He had kissed you back, almost instantly after a brief moment of surprise. His hands cupped your jaw and curled into your hair, his lips pressed desperately against yours as if he had spent his entire life waiting for this moment alone, he kissed you like his life depended on it. Never had you been kissed like that before.

The conversation after the kiss was a blur in your memories. He asked what that meant. You didn’t know how to answer. He took control of the situation, the conversation that seemed too difficult to have and he made it all seem so much easier, he said he liked you, a lot and that if you liked him back at all, then he wanted to explore that.

You had cried when you opened up to him about your fears of relationships. He had almost cried seeing you cry. The girl who seemed so strong, so independent all the time, crying. He felt guilty as if he had made you cry and from that moment on he had promised he would never be the reason for your tears again, unless happy.

He had promised you he wouldn’t hurt you, he rubbed his calloused thumb over the silk of your skin, pushing away the tears that tainted the skin he deemed so pretty. He had promised you could take it slow, that he wanted to take it slow. That this was all on your terms.

Thats how you ended up here, two months after that night, laying in your bed together after a moment so intimate. Not together, not offical. Not yet.

“Me too.” You mumbled back, he smiled at your words.

“Where’d you go? You disappeared on me” He mumbled as his hand reached out to wrap gently around your waist, pulling you closer to him. Like he needed to hold you. He did that a lot, you noticed. His hands were constantly on you in some way, as if he didn’t believe you were real unless he could physically feel you there.

You let out a breathy laugh, “I was thinking about how we met.” You said honestly. It was almost impossible not to be honest to him. His eyes held something that made the words pour out of you before you could help it. He was so sweet, so gentle, so safe. He was everything you thought you’d never have.

He hummed in acknowledgment as his arm wrapped further around your waist, then he shifted so he was burying his face in between your shoulder and neck, the space he spent so much time you wondered if it smelt more like him then you. His lips pressed against the soft skin there before he mumbled, “You were reading a horrible book.”

You let out an infectious string of laughter, you could feel his smile widen against the skin of your neck. “It really wasn’t that bad.” You defended half playfully — but it was, the book was so poorly written at the time you had been frustrated you wasted your time reading it. Now however, you were so glad because it was what insinuated your first conversation with Spencer when he muttered about it being a bad book.

He pressed another soft kiss against your neck, before pulling back and tilting his head up slightly to look at you, “It really was.” He argued, in the same tone. A warm playful smile on his lips. You felt an ache in your heart, the best kind of ache. The one that seemed to happen every-time he smiled at you.

You felt warm in the cheeks when he looked at you like that, like you were something worth looking at. That wasn’t something you had felt before. Nobody had even felt as safe as Spencer did.

You laughed, “It was pretty bad.” You gave in. He nodded enthusiastically in agreement as he leant down to steal a gentle kiss from your lips, before pulling back, he repositioned so he was hovering over you, on his knees in between your thighs, hands pressed into the pillows on either side of your head, caging you in.

You weren't sure if you had ever been in love before. You thought you had, with your ex all those years ago. You thought a hurt like that could only come from from a love so deep. However with the way Spencer was staring down at you, the way he brought one of his hands to brush gentle strays of hair away from your face and then moved his hand under you jaw to tilt your head upwards and kiss you so gently.

Well, if this was what love felt like than you had never been in love before. Not until now. You swore off dating, you swore off falling for someone, you swore off letting another person in, letting another person know you.

Well Spencer was the execption.

[thewertsearch]

Anonymous asked: youve finally gotten to the section of the comic that makes me tear up everytime i read it! vriska is such a polarizing character but i have nothing but empathy for her. i do think she cares about her friends, even if shes awful at showing it and her attempts do more harm than good. Specifically i DO think she cares about karkat- she shows a begrudging respect for him throughout the comic and even says he maybe is the most human of them, which is something she is starting to admire herself even if she wont admit it. I think if vriska didnt care about the others in her sad, warped-by-child-abuse way, things would be much different. Jack bringing the bodies back and her being visibly enraged by it- i think thats grief. more than that i just find her quest to kill jack so sad. It really reveals to me how fucked up she is- she repeats so many times that she knows survival is unlikely, that she knows her immortality wont save her, but that its something she needs to do anyways. Vriska isnt actively suicidal- but shes passively okay with dying if its in a way where she can accomplish her goals. She wanted to be absolved of all the bad things shed done (even if thats not how it works). And- just as much- she wanted to save her friends. and terezi. The person who wants to not be a killer anymore but goes down the path anyway because the timeline says she must, because her own lack of a future is breathing down her neck. Who was the person vriska cares about most on that meteor, even if she is horrible at showing it. Terezi is the one to kill her. They were best friends! They were both thirteen years old! And its narrated by the man who literally groomed vriska and who she views as being a predator to her!!!! Most heartbreaking death she couldve gotten. Fly high in those dream bubbles queen

Maybe I spoke too soon, when I asserted that Vriska probably didn't give a shit about Karkat. They might not have had many on-panel interactions, but they were co-players for over six hundred hours. We can't say definitively that they didn't bond at all.

I guess the issue here is that the trolls' social group consists of sixty-six unique relationships, and we simply don't have time to explore them all. We know that each troll isn't necessarily buddies with every other troll in the group, and I could list plenty of pairs that almost certainly aren't friends. I can't imagine that Nepeta was particularly pally with Eridan, for example, and I don't think Aradia and Gamzee were hanging out offscreen.

All that said - if any troll is friends with the entire group, it's probably Karkat. His only real conversation with Vriska was that argument about quadrants on LOPAH, but there was a moment in one of the walkarounds where she agreed to put her plans on hold for his sake, which was a surprisingly kind gesture for her. Plus, you're right, she does think he'd cut it better as a human - and that statement hits differently when you remember she's low-key jealous of humanity.

As for Scratch... yeah, his treatment of Vriska, specifically, is nothing short of disturbing. She clearly hated it whenever he showed up to text her...

...and, uh, now that I'm actually thinking about it, the guy only ever seems to manipulate girls. The only male Player he's even spoken to was Karkat, and that was only three sentences. This guy was born from a nightmare - and he certainly acts like it, the creep.

[mysteriousl0ser]

FUCK IT, TADC EP 2 THOUGHTS MAJOR SPOILERS!! BE WARNED

LETS GO!! Pomni is still pretty screwed up over her first day here, I mean this is all fresh and new to her so like DUH. everyone else here is somewhat or entirely adjusted and kind of just cope with the fact that theyre here I dont think pomni has really processed how long theyve been here?? In the pilot she seems SO bothered by how okay they are with this and willingness to do caines fuckass adventures

i dont blame her, anywho pomni in her nightmare-induced state starts to abstract, she had to face an abstraction early on in her days here which like have to be pretty truamatizing (duh) and cried out to ANYONE, but where she called for help literally no one helped her “oh well” they though

Pomni doesn't feel like anybody else cares, shes the only one whos still going through an adjustment phase and freaking the fuck out while everyone else is just going along with the adventure, something she still thinks is kinda pointless and doesn't get why anybody would waste their time here doing when they COULD be looking for a way out, why is she the only one who seems to still be distressed here? To feel lost? At least from her perspective, it seems that way. Unfortunately, these people have already been here for a while.

Pomski then meets someone whos just like her, their whole reality was shattered and they don't belong anywhere, mirroring how pomni feels at the moment, even if she still has some sort of grip now vs when she first got here

And she finds comfort in that!!! Why is it that this NPC feels more real than the ACTUAL REAL PEOPLE trapped here with her??? Whatever the reason, its something to hold onto. Something to LATCH onto. Hes Real. or at least he feels real, and maybe she feels like she belongs with him because at least he knows the feeling, something shes not really felt w anyone else before

This comfort and solidarity she has with gumigoo is shortlived however as she gets brutally reminded that he wasnt real. The anchor she had vanished and there's quite literally nobody to catch her fall.

And i feel like ragatha trying to comfort her the way she did didnt help AT ALL. it was kinda a sore reminder that gumigoo is easily replaceable, and GOD thats so frustrating?? This thing felt so real to her and nobody seems to care that he just vanished!! If they could be so apathetic to this whos to say they wont just treat her demise just the same as she thought they would???

But then something important happens. They have a funeral for Kaufmo, someone whos been established to be their friend way before Pomni ever came here. And maybe it didn't ever settle in before that kaufmo was a real person! Literally!! And he was real to them. Just like gumigoo though less directly they relate to being in pain and kind of in shock of losing someone who they cared about and who was a real person to care about to them AND LIKE YOU CAN SEE WHERE IT CLICKS IN HER FACIAL EXPRESSION HERE, THE CHANGE IN HER EYES AND THE WAY HER EXPRESSION LOSENS AT THIS IDK IT DRIVES ME CRAZY GOD THE ANIMATORS WENT OFF W THIS EP VS THE PILOT IM IM IM

anyways anyways They have their funeral service, theres quite literally no reason for anyone to just lie and go along with whatever bs caines got going on, this also quite literally has nothing to do with him. This is kind of their own little way of keeping some sort of human traditions and respect for the human persons that get stuck here because they care. HELL you can even see pomni feel a little guilty here when ragatha says that his funeral was disrupted cause she arrived here

anyways thats exactly it!! They fucking car!! This whole time pomni thought that they just didnt care and were kind of apathetic or downright patronizing her over all this and mocking her or whatnot, like in her dream sequence. But no, they all talk respectively about their memories and experiences with kaufmo, the things they shared together and the feelings they had. EVERYBODY was grieving. Ragatha who always tried to put on some cheerful and kind of irritating (to pomni at least) everythings fine facade (which also kind of feels less real to her at least i think so but i don't think she figured it to be a coping mechanism) to just straight up start crying and breaking up a bit, even mentioning how this does not ever get any easier and how shes had to deal with this plenty of times before.

Zooble the usually apathetic and kind of asshole who keeps to themselves and gives off i don't care energy and probably gave off the impression that they didn't care about anyone here and just treated the people stuck here as an unfortunate fact and nothing more actually being vulnerable and probably doing the same as ragatha talking about their memories with kaufmo

Kingers ALWAYS kind of zoned out or not really taking anything seriously and just being there completely lost in space, but here hes grounded, and even earlier in the episode when ragatha needed it most he remained grounded then too (tho pomni didnt see that i just wanted to mention it). Just like the others he grieves and lives in the unfortunate moment

more of the kinger being grounded when the thought counts

GANGLE- dude even if its for just a moment she smiles here despite having her tragedy mask and like her whole shtick is being of whatever mood or emotion her mask is allegedly wether she wants to or not, but no here shes more than just that, she smiles for a bit when reminiscing her moments with kaufmo only to go back into crying, and man shes always crying with her tragedy mask but its beyond as far as anyone can tell wether or not its really her or just because of her mask, but here? its really her, no matter what the mask on her face shows!! shes genuinely smiling despite having her comedy mask and shes genuinely crying which is very blatantly obviously different to the usual mask cry etc etc

heres something about all this, it hits pomni in a way. These people ARE real, and they care. They care about her, they have nothing else but eachother and THATS something to latch onto. Thats something to hold her down, even if they just met pomni

SPEAKING OF JUST MEETING POMNI she literally expressed how she didnt wanna just LEAVE gumigoo there by himself because she believes no one should just be left there

the circus peeps just met pomni and just like how she felt a real connection to gumigoo in this digital hell she feels a sort of connection with these people too. Theyre gonna have her back all the same, maybe she wont feel so out of place and alone. BONUS THING!! The literal only times she genuinely smiles is when she feels this real connection to what feels real to her and has a genuine and sincere moment with these people whether it be an npc or a trapped member. Idk it just means something to me how significant both these moments are tipped off with a genuine smile a REAL SMIE!! (id add pictures but tumblr has a 30 image limit) OH ALSO BONUS BONUS THING THE DIFFERENCE IN OUTRO MUSIC IS SO IS SO ITS SO the outro song for the pilot kinda feels so ethereal and out of the moment at least to me it kinda feels like it you're slipping through the cracks and just, existing within yourself as the rest of the world around you kind of shatters into glass or melts into water or something i dont think ANY of that made any sense but its loud and its blaring and its so out of reach in a way, mad disassociation vibes but the outro song for the 2nd ep is a lot quieter yet its right there, at first it starts really small, lonely even. trapped by yourself but as the music gets louder and more instruments join in on the song it kind of has a comforting feel? bittersweet? even? its grounding ina way which is much different from how the first one felt at least to me lmao and the comforting feel kinda only emphasizes what I was talking about earlier- the comfort in having that anchor of reality with having a real moment with these people and making that connection yk? and like as i was saying at first the song starts off with just one instrument, at the start of the episode pomni feels utter alone and out of place even if these people here with here are stuck in the same situation as her, together alone. but as the other instruments join. in it kinda uplifts the song a bit, its not one sole instrument anymore like how in the end pomni feels that connection with everyone else, not so alone anymore idk jackshit about music theory so this is entirely a feelies talk instead of like- music lore? so don't take anything i say as like- idk some professional speak im just a nerd nerding about silly digital fixations ANYWAYS THATS ALL FOR NOW I AVE MORE TO SAY BUT THIS IS LONG ENOUGH LOL if you actually read all the way down this far thank you for listening!!! i really really appreciate it :]

[spaloonbabooguuscooties]

You could drink your whole life away and still never get that taste out of your mouth.

half commission for @salempie half completely self indulgent dreck pieced together from our insane conversations abt franke and elka. told myself id finally write a big explanation for all of the dum shit between these two for context so Thats Under The Cut.

so I already wrote some stuff about elka and franke's relationship back in whispering rock so feel free to look at that too . it goes over elkas blindness/‘seeing’ with clairvoyance and how her and franke started talking & all that good stuff

SO FOR STARTERS. a lot of thsi wont make sense without a big breakdown of elka herself. because elkas potential as a character is like insane to me. like just the idea of her in the long run of her life reads as something so potentially tragic; a young girl whos plagued with visions of doom and destined to be an outcast even in her own home for things she cant control and clings to the One vision of her wedding that she thinks is 'happy' even despite the fact she doesnt really love the person in it. im choosing to take the li-po doc as canon here because its funny shes the only one with backstory-

but my fucking god even the smallest look into what her parents are like is soo fucked up to me. and i do think elka especially gets a lot of influence from her mother; its funny how easily you can fit mabel doom into a box just from what elka says about her. knees deep in an avon-esque pyramid scheme and leaning into her daughters depressing ass visions & taking her to therapy at age 11 (which would be good if not for the kind of person you can already assume she is & so i doubt the therapist she has really does her any good. i think they share one). she reads as a very I Am My Daughters Best Friend type of mom to me and i can see elka being a centerpiece of the conversation when she has her Amway Girls over for drinks. wine-mom that lets her kid sip from the glass so she can feel like a big girl type deal.

and you can tell that elka is trying to hard to be too mature for her age even in her campster posts. how she writes letters to nils' mom and exchanges baking recipes with her and that feels like she really only interacts with middle aged women and not really many people her own age outside of camp (like her moms friends). which makes sense shed feel the need to ‘grow up’ early when shes probably had to process so many hard things at a young age bc of her visions.

theres a lot of filling the blanks here of course.

elka obsesses over nils to an overbearing degree even despite the fact he treats her like shit ('you promised no talking' and so on) and she treats him bad right back. she leans onto stereotypical heterosexual ideals like taking care of him and overblowing how Manly and Protective JT is and she admires romance stories like pride and prejudice and it feels like she Projects Soooooooo much of what she wants onto boys she barely feels anything for without knowing what its actually supposed to feel like. and clearly she WANTS that ideal future, a happy marriage, an actual romance- but according to nils even when they were dating she ignored him most of the time, which just seems Very Telling

like shes filling a role, overcompensating for emotions and lacktherof she cant digest quite yet, and it only makes more sense when you know shes had visions of their future together. how could that be bad for her? shouldnt it be like the books and movies? but she doesnt really connect the fact that her visions are only for Doomed futures, and if she does she certainly doesnt show it. Doomed relationships. it's been a part of her family for generations and she isn't turning out much different, is she? i dont think she even realizes thats all she ever sees yet, just that its Going to happen. that it's Her future, and it always will be

and like, her only reference for a real marriage so far has been her own parents, and she already Knows they have an affair, and theyre doomed to split, (and i actually like to think they were in rough waters anyway and elka was a child meant to mend a crumbling marriage but thats a whole other thing) and so without a framework for what an actual healthy relationship is supposed to be like she cant really grasp that her relationship with nils Isnt that and isnt ever going to be. she can only cling to this one happy idea of the future, and thats why she keeps chasing him, self fulfilling the actuality of her situation and creating and fostering the unhappy life they will inevitably live together.

and that bleeds into everything else in her life, of course, because as the years go on, as the visions grow in number it just makes sense for her to fall into the predictability of her life. she always knows whats going to happen, her visions are Never wrong- so why try to change things? shes had time to process tragedies days, weeks, months, years before they happen, shes had time to settle into every crack of her life. her parents divorce, her various break ups, her future with the psychonauts.

“and she's already seen so much of a future with [nils] she feels trapped almost. Like she has to be happy in it or else it just means her life is miserable. And it's a mixture of pride and fear of the unknown that keeps her clinging to the One thing she knows. BUT LIKE!!! She knows what's gonna happen! It's easier to grieve when she's been grieving for years... She wants so badly to be happy, But to do that she has to step into the unfamiliar. And that's more terrifying than staying the same miserable person she's always been.”

and thats where franke comes in— and yeah you Do have to take a lot of liberties for frankes character since it’s basically, like, all the info for her is just that shes a Supreme Baby Dyke but thats enough for me. i think she has protective butch itch in her . on campster shes defensive over other women evidenced in the way she keeps watch over the girls cabins for lili when elton is pursuing her . but shes also eager to please and constantly trying to make kitty laugh and also Very naive. but she tries! and i think it only solidifies more as she gets Older and really gets a hold of her feelings & her powers. this is incredibly franke to me

and i think as they grow older together— because i think franke and elka Do stay friends, both because elka is just pathetic and needs that positive connection even if she doesnt realize it and because i think franke is a very Loyal person & annoyingly persistent if you let her be . and i am also a kitty/franke truther. because kittys also important in this web we weave

because i think franke and kitty stay together after camp, to a point— theres a falling out facilitated on kittys end and they break up, but reconnect, and franke kind of... saves kitty from herself a little, from her strict military father whos love only extends thru finances , from her own stifling future , she drives all the way to bakersville in her shitty van handmedowned from her dad and they move in together eventually . they get jobs at the motherlobe , because it’s a pipeline to a decent job, because it’s whats easy, because franke doesn’t really have a future, because she’s never really been good at much, because shes never had much sense, because franke doesnt really care as long as she can live and help, sometimes, if she can, and because kitty’s there, and because elka’s there, and shes so used to being elkas eyes now and shes good at it. shes good at being the muscle of the missions when her colleagues lack it, when hypnosis and predictions arent enough. she likes it that way.

and elka appreciates frankes company. she listens, shes sweet, she does little things for her that no ones ever really put the effort for before; she likes her. franke is strong and bold and makes her laugh and shes always there but god elka cant let go of that future, of that box shes put herself in, that her mothers put her in, of being a Good Wife to a Loving Husband, of getting married normally and falling into unfailing familiarity. thats all shes ever wanted and shes not going to jeopardize that . not for franke, who may not be a boy but is handsome like one, whos always held her after every break up with nils and the men that filled empty days inbetween.

and elka is too stubborn to recognize those feelings anyway. too prideful to accept a way out. too set in her cycle no matter how much she hates it, her little self fulfilling tragedy of her own making, wallowing in her own doom. she struggles for control of her own life when she feels like every choice has been made for her anyway, she puts up her walls and carefully constructs what people see. but franke was always harder to trick, because while empathy isnt a particularly useful psychic power it’s certainly an inconvenient one. all franke has to do is get too close and all those carefully crafted walls fall apart, and elkas control is gone, and thats all she really has. and she tries to distance herself, really she does, but franke is also too persistent. and elka wears gloves, keeps contact that would make her walls crumble from happening as best as she can, but she cant really keep herself from the brief moments where she feels like someone actually fucking cares about her.

and that slightest lack of control, the need to wrestle it back is why she proposes to nils the next time theres a falling out— she knows how it happens, she plans every detail. and he accepts, despite everything. gets her a cheap ring and it feels like lead on her finger and its nothing at all like how shed thought it to be when she was a kid, theres no feather light feeling in her chest, only that dreadful reality that she cant turn this back. BUT WHAT CAN U DO LMAO

elka doesnt tell franke about this engagement until later, on their way back from a mission. late at night when neither of them can sleep, and franke invites elka to smoke in her van, because its been so long since theyve been alone like that, because elkas been so strangely absent lately. and because of everything, because frankes always so damn nice, because elka hates the feel of the ring on her finger, because she let herself get high alone with franke fucking athens whos always been so good at pulling her apart— the truth of it all spills out and its messy and emotional and she hates it, she hates the life shes made for herself, but franke makes it easier to bare and now shes here and shes so close and god she wishes she could see her smile again, she wishes she could see franke, thats all she needs right now and she cant but she can touch her and she can hold her and for tonight, she can be known, she can let those walls crumble, she can be something else just for once here with franke . she can kiss her here in this van, touch that happiness for just a moment, and forget the future that waits for her outside of it. franke begs her to forget the wedding, to just let herself be happy— and god, she wants to, but it means turning her back on everything shes known and everything shes saw to be inevitable, and franke has never been in her future, so if it were supposed to work out why hadnt she seen it and she cant, she cant take that risk but she can have this, even if its temporary, she can have it.

and just as soon as she gets a taste of it, its gone. after that night, after the missions over and theyre back at the motherlobe and have to pretend like nothing happened (franke doesnt, of course she tells kitty about it, she tells kitty about everything.) but that brief moment together haunts elka every time she sees franke, sees herself through frankes eyes, sees herself in her wedding dress because god its all franke can think about! of course it is! she knows how much elkas destroying herself she knows how much misery shes wallowing in that kiss in the van felt like an emotional punch to the teeth and she hasnt ever forgotten it and all she can do is sit and watch while elka throws herself into a loveless marriage. she can come to her wedding and see the way the bride and groom kiss with the emotional weight of a wet towel no matter how hard elka tries to hide it under a pretty dress and bouquets of flowers and meticulous planning.

and elka resents nils but she cant really hate him, its not his fault, not really. he feels trapped just like she does and his feelings of misery only cycle back into hers . they fight and gnash and wear away at each other and its a relationship thats crashed and burned a million times before elka even said i do. and its inevitable that she falls into her mothers habits, a sip of wine here and there to loosen up, until it turns to a glass, until it falls into a bottle on nights when whatever work nils does runs late.

but franke’s still there. shes always been there, hasn’t she? always trying to play knight, always trying to save her, dragging her home when shes stumbling over herself because god who else is going to do it but her? who else is left to care? certainly not nils. never nils. because franke knows her. because franke pities her. shes always pitied her. shes always known. and elka hates it, she resents it, but god in the same breath she’s desperate for it, she envies it to her very bones. elka is a mess but after frankes done with her she has someone to go back to that loves her. and god what elka wouldnt do to have that. to take it and keep it for herself because shes never ever got to have that movie romance shes always wanted.

so now comes this.

because elkas particularly miserable and particularly spiteful and she needs to get franke to understand, just for a moment, drink with her and get on her level and she needs her there with her no matter how her pity makes her feel. no matter how much it makes her shake with anger and envy and desperation, but god the way franke looks at her, the way she still tries to salvage what they have, the soft, slurred way she tells her that it’s okay but its not okay, none of this is okay, it never has been and she just wants franke to shut up and see that, and if she cant then she’ll show her, she’ll show her all the raw angry desperation, with too much teeth and hands that claw and grab and she’ll know why everyones always said she’s too much.

and she knows this puts her on nils’ level too. that this makes her a cheater, that shes no better than he is now. no better than her father and his affair. but god, she wants to be selfish. she wants to be in control. just for once. she wants to feel right and she wants to feel happy and she wants to feel loved. thats all shes ever wanted. and franke will let her have that, just for a little while, at the very least.

anyway. sorry. sorry for being crazy . this isnt even getting into the shit after the comic takes place . elkas stupid brainworld thag she has to overcome in order to finally be allowed in the polycule and live happily ever as worlds first lesbian divorceman

sorry for all the shit i make up instead of caring about actual characters with screentime . bye !

[vulpixisananimal]

<Null> {Mal Du Pays} [Loop] (Siffrin)

(You breathe in, and out. In, and out. In. . . Out. . . . . . In. . . . . . . . . Out. . .)

(Last night, Isabeau brought something up to you.)

("So, you know Vixul? Tall? Silver hair? Me and Ramos have been training with her together, a-anyway! I, got to talking, and, well, she's like you. I asked if SOMEONE I know could talk to her about it and, she said, well, yeah!")

(You were standing in front of the door to her room. You had been standing there for about five minutes. Your heart was pounding. Your head hurt. Your mouth dry. Why did this feel scarier than anything else you had ever done? You raise a fist.)

("Just knock on her door and say Isa sent you, okay?")

(You pause, take your hand back, breathe, then try again. And. . . You knock.)

(. . . Step, step, step, door unlock, twist of the handle, and, it was open. That tall girl, Vixul, stood there. Silver hair in a ponytail, bandage over one eye, winter clothing. She blinks seeing you, surprised.)

"O-oh! Hey, uh, Siffrin right? Caaaaan I help you with something."

". . . I, uh. . ." (You paused for a second, wishing you grabbed your hat to hide. You look away.) ". . . . Isa sent me."

". . . Oooooh, right, okay. C'mon in, bud." (She opened the door and stepped back into her room. You follow. It was like before, but a little more organized. And like before, it was chilly.)

(Vixul went over to the desk and sat down.) "Close the door, take a seat on the bed."

"Okay." (Door closed, locked, you get on the bed and sit legs crossed. Looking away.) ". . . ."

". . . . .So." (She's looking away, too.) ". . . It's. . it's alright. Hard to talk to someone about it, isn't it."

"Y-yeah. ." (You hang your head.) "Like, just, it doesn't sound. ."

"Doesn't sound real?" (You look up, Vixul continues.) "Like maybe you're making this all up or something?"

". . . Uh, y-yeah."

"And then a few seconds later there's someone screaming in your head that you're not?"

". . . Heh, yeah, that too."

"And then you wake up a few days later and suddenly oops, you just missed a whole week."

"Or being bullied for making a simple mistake?"

"GODS all the TIME." (Vixul threw her hands up dramatically.) "Please, I'm the host how about one of you take over for a bit."

". . . Huh?" (You tilt your head.) "Host? Like, the one in charge?"

". . . . Oh luna you don't know anything about this do you."

"N-not, not really. Kinda. . ." (You scratched your head.) "There's, there's four. Some of us are, a-are better at things than others. Separate memories, b-but we can share some of them. Having a kind of, mind, space, getting dizzy, it's, all so much."

"Well, you're halfway there already." (She rubs the side of her head.) "Alright, one thing at a time. What're their names? What're they like?"

"Oh, well, there's me, Loop, Mal du Pays, and Null. I'm, well, I guess the one in charge? Host?"

"Host is right, the person who deals with the day-to-day stuff."

"O-okay, then, Loop. Loop helps remember stuff, and takes over a bunch too. Mal Du Pays is, is very introverted, protective, a bit self destructive. Null is. . . Rash? Just, he just wants to get things done. Doesn't care about anything else, I think."

(Vixul nods at each name.) "Sif, Mal, Loop, Null. I nice round four, but don't feel bad if you get more, okay?"

"I-I could, get more?!?" (You tugged at your cloak.)

"More likely you will then wont." (Vixul turned to the desk and began going through it while she talked.) "There's four here, too. Me, Vixul, host. Major, takes care of the body and not here to make friends. Addeline, very carefree, makes sure we don't burn out. And Orcane, who, uh, does things that need to be done. Here" (She turned and tossed a notebook to you.)

(You caught it and opened it. Blank.) "Huh?"

"Keep a journal, it'll help." (She picked up her own.) "Put a message on the first page that anyone new can read. Try and make sure it's updated every day, ask your friends for that, it'll help. A lot."

"R-right. . ." (Odile had suggested before you keep a journal. Well, you had an excuse now at least.)

"Oh yeah, and you can write down things that get certain headmates in control." (She sees your blank expression, and sighs.) "If I hear some upbeat music, Addeline will show up. Some triggers are good, some bad. Make sure to list them down.

"Rrrrrriiiighhht. . ." (Your rub your temple, that was, a lot.)

". . ." (She looks away again.) ". . . Sorry, I know that's, a lot."

"I-it's fine!" (You say, half-true.)

"Sure, buddy." (She shakes her head and takes a breath.) "Right, sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself a bit."

(Vixul turned back to her own journal and began flicking through it.) "The term for what you and I are is 'Plural', the other people in our heads are called 'Headmates', y'know, head-roomates. And as a collective you're called a 'system.'"

(She turns back around, now holding her book of notes.) "We're like this 'cause as kids, our personality is still getting itself together. If something traumatic happens to us, it'll stop that from happening. Skip forward a few years and suddenly your head's fractured into anywhere from a couple, to a dozen, to hundreds of personalities."

(You blink at that.) ". . . Hundreds?"

"Yeah, I know. Not common, but it happens." (She continued.) "Usually each part has their own job; Hosts, you and me, take care of the day to day, memory holders are- well you can guess. Caretakers make sure basic needs are met, protectors step in when the body or mind needs defending."

(Memory holder sounds like Loop, Protector. . . Kinda like Mal? Not really though, Vixul continues.)

"Littles are, well, repressed childhood emotion. Persecutors are personifications of, uh, abuse." (She looks to the side.) "Not inherently evil, it's complicated. O-OH! And if someone doesn't know if any of these fit that's okay!"

"R-right. . ."

". . . You should write this down."

"O-OH!" (Vixul tosses you a pen and you open your new journal. You choose a page near the back and start writing. She waits for you to catch up.)

"Then there's Introjects" (She taps her chin.) "Sometimes when a new headmate is trying to form, they latch onto a personality you already know. Fictive is based on a fictional personality, factive is from, well, real life. They might have phantom memories from their 'source', and, other stuff."

<You pause for a second. That's, that's you.>

(Null?!?)

<Quiet. You look up at Vixul.> ". . . introject."

"Yep." <She tilts her head.> "Everything alright?"

". . . No, not exactly." <You look down at what you had wrote, you had been in the background, but that shook you in controll- Siffrin. . . ? Stars, great.> ". . . I'm sorry, I think I just kicked Siffrin out. I'm Null"

"That's fine, sometimes you just get forced to the front. Good to meet you!" <She wasn't phased for a second.> "Need catching up on anything?"

<You shook your head.> "No. Although I wanted to ask, what about that place in our head? That's not normal, apparently."

"No it isn't, some non-systems have them, but for us it's just, there." <She started messing with her coat sleeve.> "It's how the mind organizes itself I think. It, can feel very real sometimes."

<You nod.> "So I've gathered."

"Oh yeah! Do you get headaches? Or dizzy spells where you can't think? Dissociating?"

"Yes. We do." <You remember multiple times when looping a few days ago that caused that.> "When it happens, we have a breathing exercise. And for me, listening to music helps.

"Good grounding techniques, try and find out what else can help, oh and write it down!"

<You roll your eye, but write it down. You had already filled up a page with notes, stars.> "This is quite a lot."

"It, it is." <She gets up, walking over and sits next to you on the bed.> "It's, it's complicated, confusing, and there's a lot to take in. That's because nothing is universal."

<She continues.> "It's like. . . Well it's like trying to compare those little Change God statues. None of them repeat, but they do rhyme. Right?"

"Right." <You nod.> "So, something we experience another may not?"

"Exactly! Actually, I might have an example. Can you see your headspace right now?"

"One moment." <You breathe in, and out. You're still see the bed. But in flickers you can also see the lightless sky.> "Yes, I can."

"Alright, lets try. . ." <She taps her foot for a moment.> "I know, I'm dropping an apple at your feet."

<?!??!?!!?!?!?!!?>

<You reach out, there's an apple on the ground. It's flickering like the rest of your headspace, but, it's, there?> "How did you do that?"

"Phantom touch." <She smiles.> "I don't get that, but you do. If someone phrases something just right when you're in the right mindset, it'll trick your head into thinking it's happening in your headspace."

<You blink a few times. You still had the apple. You look up at Vixul.> "This seems more unreal the more you talk."

"It does, doesn't it." <She reaches over to pat your back, but notices you wince, and stops.> "W-well, it's, real. Even if it sounds crazy, or people call you crazy, it's real and we gotta live with it."

"Mhm." <You look back down at the journal.> ". . . Any more words of wisdom?"

"Lets see- oh! You could name your little system, too!" <She points a thumb at herself> "We're called Snowflower system."

"Heh, cute." <Your mouth twitches into a smile. A funny little collective name, that could be fun.> "Oh, I did have a question to do with combat; I can't use the others crafts."

"Right." <She nods.> "Well, it's about personality and just, your own skills. Major is good at holding his ground, Addeline is fast, Orcane is sneaky. Just like how you might want to tag out so someone else can deal with something better than you can, you can do it in a fight too. Craft types change too."

<Like how Mal wasn't scissors type. Like how you didn't know any craft skills at all. Like how you could loop on demand, unlike the others.> "It also helps resist mind control."

"Learned that the hard way." <Another nod.> "Thanks again for helping with that, by the way."

"No problem." <Like you helped much in the end.> ". . . Anything else?"

"Just a few notes; make sure to communicate problems with your headmates. Don't get worried if there's times where you don't hear from any headmates. And if someone new does show up, try not to deny their existence." <She looks away.> "That one is mostly for the host."

". . ." <You look directly at Vixul. She coughs.> ". . . Do as I say, not as I do?"

"Well I don't anymore." <She grumbles.> "U-uh, any last questions?

<You shake your head.> "None come to mind. Do you have any last words of advice?"

". . . Just, just one." <Vixul turned to look directly at you.> "Look at me."

<You turn.>

"I want you to listen to me, I need you to remember this and write it down in big letters, okay?"

<You nod.>

"Okay, listen. Above everything else, I need you to do one thing. And that's to give yourself grace. Don't be hard on yourself. Don't try and fit some definition or other peoples idea of what your experience should be."

"Talk to your family, talk to your headmates, figure things out. Experiment with your headspace and see what's possible. See who's better at what. See if there's other headmates hiding in there. But, above all, I need you to remember to just, go easy on yourself, please."

<. . . You nod.>

"Do you promise?!?"

<Another nod.> "I promise."

"Write it down-"

"I'm going to!" <You turn back to the journal. And just like she asked, big letters, underlined three times. "Give yourself grace." You get the feeling this is something she learned the hard way.> ". . . And, that's it?"

"By Luna I think it is." <She's rubbing her temples again.> "Tell ya what, you're still here for a few days, I'll get to writing a booklet or something you can flip through if you're confused about anything."

". . . You don't need to do that." <You stand up.>

"Don't be an idiot." <She stands up too.> "It's not like I have anything else to do. Plus it's the Vaugardian thing to do."

<You chuckle at that.> "When in Vaugarde. . ."

"Do as the Vaugardians do." <She, laughing, then cuts herself.> "Oh craaaab wait, relationship stuff."

"What?" <You turn, confused.>

"Well, you're dating Isa, right?" <She crosses her arms.> "And, well, do you all like him?"

". . ." <Siffrin without a doubt. Mal, you had learned recently, does. Loop kissed him a few days ago so you have no idea. And you. . .> "Everyone bar me. I'm still figuring it out. Although. . ."

<You sigh, rubbing your head.> "We learned a few days ago another of our companions, Ramos, has feelings for us. Siffrin is the only one who may having feelings back." <You pause.> ". . The rest of us neither like nor trust Ramos."

". . . Yikes." <She bit her lip.> "Well, first off, congrats on hitting the lottery; most of you like Isabeau, that is not the norm. Second, uh, well. . . You're, you're doing the right thing already by, talking about this. But you all should be clear with eachother and Ramos. If, Sif and Ramos become a thing it should be only if you guys are okay with it too."

<. . . You nod, and sigh.> "Thank you."

"Can I ask why you don't like Ramos?"

"We were enemies for a time." <You say flatly.> "They were controlled by those who did the same here, yes, but I don't trust them."

"Right. . . Gooooood luck with that?"

"Mhm." <You rub your neck.> ". . . Thank you, Vixul, Snowflower?"

"Vixul's fine." <She goes to sit back at her desk, back to work.> "It's snowflower if you're talking to us all, but, you're welcome."

<You wave, and go to leave. That went well, you weren't sure where Siffrin went, but. . . Actually. . .>

<You stop.> ". . . How did you know Polaris' name?"

<Vixul pauses for just a moment.> ". . Pardon?"

"Polaris." <Your voice was flat. You felt something was off.> "How did you know his name"

"Because. . . That's his name- wait when did you talk to Pol about that?" <She turns to look at you again, her eyes changing from kind to suspicious.>

"His name is from an island that has been wished out of existence." <You press on.> "You're not from there, your accent is unplaceable, and you're using the moon as an expletive. Why?"

<She stares at you in disbelief. You've clearly caught her off guard. She's hiding something more. What was it, Vixul? What did you do?>

<There's a cold, long silence, before she sighs, and turns back to her desk.> ". . . I can't tell you, It's a secret."

"Can't, or won't."

"Won't." <Vixul held up a hand, it was empty.> I won't tell you for the same reason you wouldn't tell me about your time craft."

<She snapped her fingers, and a pair of coins fell from thin air into her hand.>

<There's a second of silence, then she tosses the coins to you. You catch them, and hold them up to the light- No. . .> "How."

"It's not hard to spot a paradox if you know what to look for." <She's still not looking at you.> "Relax, I'm good at keeping secrets."

<You huff, and tuck YOUR two coins back in the pocket they were in a few moments ago. Space manipulation? This explained one thing, at least. When you first broke into her room, she snuck up on you without open the door or making any sound. Hm.> "The people we're chasing used some transportation craft, do you-"

"No clue." <She interrupts.> "Pretty amateur stuff, though, I've met children that could do better."

<You squint.> ". . . Have you?"

<She simply hums in response.>

<You stare at the back of Vixuls head, as if looking hard enough might decipher the enigma of her existence. Nothing about her made sense. What kind of journey has she been on? What can she do that's as dangerous as your time craft? Do you even want to know?>

". . . Fine, if whatever your doing is comparable to what we're doing, I'll leave you to it."

"Same to you." <She turns back to you, finally.> "This world's gone through enough broken time, I do not want to know how it's done."

"Good. It sucks." <You reply flatly.> ". . . Thank you, Vixul. And good luck."

"Right back 'atchya" <She does a half wave.> "And kick that 'Perci' assholes butt for me."

[weebsinstash]

Do you ever wonder how complicated or nuanced it might be setting personal boundaries with a poly yandere Asmodeus and Fizz. Like do you ever workshop Lust Ring worldbuilding culture and realize "oh wait shit wouldn't it paradoxically be really easy AND ALSO borderline impossible to be open with and enforce your personal boundaries in a place perpetually encouraging the most openly brazen of carnal displays"?

Like. Obviously I like one of them more than the other but silly little guys are growing on me and, just. Imagine being a Sinner and being down in the Lust Ring and realizing they have a completely different culture around just, showing your body and being open with yourself and your desires and, you're suddenly not sure what things are sexual harassment or considered their normal culture and you're not sure what you're even allowed to verbally express discomfort against because. Is it actually something normal and YOU'RE being weird and mean to THEM? Or, are you unintentionally letting people do REALLY creepy things to you?

You move out of Pride and your new coworkers in Ozzie's building are constantly eating dick and pussy shaped foods? Your coworker is throating a dick shaped ice pop at their desk? Your coworkers are varying levels of half naked? That's not perverted, it's normal and healthy and they're confident in their healthy sexuality :) oh, but you think that's weird? You don't want to look directly at someone's tits when they ask your opinion on their new nipple piercings? Aw, aren't you cute, being too shy to be open with yourself! maybe we all need to show you a few things to welcome you to Lust--

Like, I know Ozzie is dead set on consent but I often brainstorm different variations of those opinions or otherwise in a yandere setting. Ozzie is accepting and open and body positive! Therefore he might be completely in the nude while he sits in a recliner and you're asked to bring him something and he ISN'T EMBARRASSED AT ALL. Aw, he doesn't care if you see his dick, he's not ashamed of his body :) and you don't want to tell him to cover up because he's so nice to you, right? Like..... the perfect fucking gentleman BESIDES these um. Conflicting opinions on modesty and boundaries. Like genuinely he is such a good man fr i want him biblicly 😩❤️

These two out here with their fucking "what are you talking about, this blatantly sexual thing we're doing isn't sexual at all, you're being weird and seeing things thst aren't there and also dont kinkshame us wow thats rude?" bullshit. Oh so you got too drunk at an office party so they made sure you got home safely so no one took advantage of you? Yeah that's cool! Or it would be if they didn't take you to THEIR home though! Oh, it was weird for you to wake up literally sandwiched between them in a pair of pajamas meaning they undressed you? Yeah? Well you had to get your sleep and there's only one bed and they wont make you sleep on the couch and Ozzie's chest is nice and broad and warm and Fizz can rest his face on your tummy and-- why are you scowling and looking grossed out, they were just making sure you were warm and cozy, but if that made you uncomfortable, they're sorry you felt that way from them just trying to so something nice for you--

I recognize it's canonically antithetical to his actual beliefs but yandere Ozzie who is like "oh you're not comfortable sharing details about your sexuality or your body or your sex life with me? I mean. Oh gee it would be like so awkward if we were having drinks as friends and I charismatically loosened your lips over time by repeatedly pressing the issues until you give in! It's not a real 'no' if it eventually becomes a 'yes' right?"

Fizz is like. A fucking jester. He's a clown. He's THE silly little guy. So you almost regard him as this nonsexual cartoonish entity until he occasionally has shit slip out of his mouth that reminds you No Honey That's A Grown Ass Man, he's saying shit like "oh wow seeing that crop over there reminded me of the other week where Ozzie and I were doing horseplay and you should've SEEN when I took one to that huge butt of his, he was SCREAMING into the bridle gag and-"

I FEEL LIKE YOU'D CATCH THEM LIKE, ULTRA WEAPONIZING T H E I R RULES. Yeah, consent is important! That's why you're not allowed to flirt with that dilfy incubus, because, what is that in your hand? Gasp, is that a single shot? You've been drinking therefore you can't consent and you're being CARRIED away if that gets you to stop talking to this guy

Like imagine you're this shy bullied little thing and Admodeus is treating you like this precious egg that he can't wait to hatch and then it's like, you're dressing up sexy and coming on to someone ELSE talking about how you wanna suck THEIR dick and suddenly he's all "uh um uh hm you know what?you're moving too fast, people are gonna take advantage of you, you're not ready, let me take you home--"

"BLOWJ0BS FOR ME BUT NOT FOR THEE" for reeeeeeeal!!!!! You're sitting in like, the living room, basically forced to be celibate (unless ya bone them) and in the next room over IN THE ONLY BEDROOM you're hearing like *spanking* *bicycle horn* *that one oh yeah sound effect* *shaking tin sfx* *water splashing* *rubber ducky squeaky noise* *slide whistle* *whoopie cushion* and then the both of them limp out of there visibly disheveled and asking if you want to order a pizza because WOW THEY'RE JUST WAY TOO HUNGRY TO COOK DINNER TONIGHT FOR SOME REASON--

[recklessmark]

HDJEHEJDHSJWHSHA MARK AS READERS PERVY BEST FRIEND AND ROOM MATE AND SHE WAS HAVING THESE PROBLEMS COZ HES JUST SO PERV…. so shameless watching porn and ejaculating in front of reader…. like everytime reader goes to his room she’ll catch him moaning, fucking his fist, grunting… he wont even stop and doesnt care that reader is there and hes so shameless. sometimes he’ll cum when he sees the reader looking at him weirdly ‘coz that man is just so fucking insatiable. and one time mark desperately wants to cum so bad so reader decides to help him and stick her tongue out under the tip and mark came instantly

warnings: nsfw

At this point you weren’t surprised to see Mark's dick anymore.

You’d knocked at his room, asking him what he wanted to order for dinner but no response came. You’re sure that he’s at home so you decided to open the door by yourself, only to find him fucking his damn fist again. Even though you didn’t come into his room often, knowing that he could be doing this anytime. Yet still, whenever you had to walk inside, the first thing that you saw was always his dick.

Most people would be ashamed and stop immediately. Not this man though. It didn’t matter that you were there, giving him the weirdest look ever, he wouldn’t stop.

“Jesus Christ,” you snapped. “Don’t you have better things to do?”

Mark’s hand was still going up and down on his shaft, moans of pleasure escaped his mouth as he ran his thumb over the tip. Your throat bobbed with a swallow and you wanted to slap yourself. Goddamn it, you shouldn’t just stand here and watch him. As you’re about to walk out and slam the door behind you, Mark called your name, stopping you in your tracks.

“Fuck, could you help me?” He said breathily and you were stunned by his words. You looked at his dick, all red and hard, and suddenly your mouth felt dry, wanting a taste.

Your brows raised in disbelief. “Are you for real?”

His eyes found yours, dark and frenzy. “Fuck yes, I need to cum so badly. Please, Y/N, help me…”

You thought about it for a full long second before giving in. Treading further toward him, your eyes widened at the sight of his cock.

“How do I help?” You whispered.

“Kneel,” he instructed and when you did, he scooted his chair closer to you. “Stick your tongue out.”

Hesitantly, you obliged, earning a curse from him before he pressed the tip of his dick on your wet muscle. With one more hard pump, Mark came, shooting his cum into your mouth.

“Fuck, that’s it…” he moaned. “Lick it all, baby.”

[fordtato]

This ask is just be rambling about how bill and ford are probably just platonic, I say this as a queer person myself, if old men and triangles wanna make out they can I’m all for it

I’ve always seen Ford & Bill’s relationship as platonic, and now knowing the context of the book of bill, I think it really makes me believe they were just friends

Them just being friends shows that this can happen within any context not just relationships, you can find a friend and think you both appreciate each other and find out they’re the worst human imaginable and you regret and hate yourself for ever seeing anything in them worth liking

I also see Ford as aro/ace in some compasity so that probably also makes me think they’re friends

If Alex were to come out and say they were dating I wouldn’t care, good for them, I just think it holds more meaning if they were just friends

In conclusion, they were two dudes chillin in a hot tub, 5ft apart cuz they’re not gay

I mean, I'm fine with that interpretation. I think they used a lot of romance-coded language in the book ("will-they-wont-they," "one thing led to another," "Mabel saying Bill was like "a needy ex," Ford wondering if Bill was "off inspiring some other scientist," etc.) so I definitely am not sure what conclusion the book wants us to have.

I know that in my interview with Alex Hirsch last year (from around the time he was writing The Book of Bill), he specified that Ford's relationship with Bill was specifically not friendship, but something more "complex, and fucked up." I don't think he inherently meant that it was romantic, because he didn't come out and say it was.

Also this isn't me arguing that it must have been romantic, because like - I think people will read the book and come to their own conclusions and that's fine. Even if Alex literally tweeted out "they were boyfriends" tomorrow, I would still encourage people to reject that if they wanted to, because who cares what Alex says - he's just some guy!

Literally take from the book what you wanna takeaway from it. Wanna say this is a meaningful example of an abusive friendship? Have fun! Wanna say this is a personally relatable experience with abusive romance? Have fun! Wanna say the pages aren't even real? Have fun! Nobody on this accursed webbed site, including myself, is the arbiter of The Correct Interpretation.

[luvchrltts]

dating mondo owada headcanons !! (sfw + nsfw)

ship : mondo x reader 🫡

— warnings : breeding kink, dimensions and measurements of his dick 😭😭, cccccunnilingus, dominant mondo (most of the time ….), erm js sex in general FOR THE NSFW AREA . no warnings in the sfw :3

reader : female anatomy in nsfw areaaaa

SFW:

love language is spending time with u <3 he stands on BUSINESS when it comes to being with u no matter what it is

takes u to the gym and shows him his routine (REOWWW 😻😻)

lazy af when inside tho 🤷🏼‍♀️

he lets u borrow his jacket that’s like 5x bigger than u — forgot to say that he is most likely towering over u

not shy or anything but he genuienly forgets to show affection . he thinks of u as a best friend

reallllyyyyy comfortable with u but u’ll never ever catch him lacking

u love to play with his long hair after hes just showered and hasnt styled it yet

more loyal than anyone ever could be . he thinks having ONE partner is enough LET ALONE TWO . and also he just wouldnt choose to be a cheater he doesnt see the point and believes its tooo much effort

mondo doesnt tease a lot he’s just kind of sly

he finds it downright hilarious when u say something that sounds dirty and he gets to make a joke about it 😭😭. hes got smth wrong with him

would do anything to prevent u from breaking up with him. he’s already lost his brother let alone the lohl ☹️ give him a BREAKKKK

nsfw under the cut 🙈

NSFW:

he’s so loud omfg

wants u to sit on his face .

no joke he literally gets off even to the thought of eating u out …..

goes pussydrunk

he loves ass im sorry

as long as you have SOMETHING for him to grab onto no matter the size he’s satisfied

………….. thick dick

alr just hear me out on this

shaft #AD8484 tip #97575F — 8 inches long and 5 inches thick ………. it doesnt feel right writing this x

if he feels like shaving he will if he doesnt he wont ✌️ he doesnt care what u do with ur pubes as long as u dont care abt what he does with his

he wants to be gentle he really does but he cant bring himself to be sometimes

not necessarily kinky but he’ll do whatever the fuck u want 😇😇 as long as ur happy pookie !!!!

as i said at the start he’s very vocal.. literally pants like a dog 🙇🏼‍♀️

his voice breaks when he orrrrgasssmmmmssss

his stupid hair bounces up and down when he thrusts inside u 😭😭😭😭 i find myself VERY funny 🫡

hear me out . he wraps his arms around ur thighs to hold u still as ur laying down and eats u out 🙏

u cuuuummmmm on his weird ass hair sometimes and he gets pissed ESPECIALLY WHEN ITS A GOOD HAIR DAY

maybe just MAYBE would he let u take control . but only if its a birthday treat or smth as i said u’ll never catch him lacking like that

toys are useless in his opinion … why a fake cock when hes got a real one waiting for u with open arms 🤗

'attagirl’ 'take it like a champ’ 'doing so well f’me..’ ……. I MIGHT TEML A JOKE BUT I NEVER TELL A LIE

bbbbbreeeeedinnnngggg kink maybe …… as long as ur alr w it

would laugh recklessly if u ever mentioned piss or shit or anything like that (as he should. as he fucking should)

erm thats it i hope it was alr for my first thingy evaaa lolz 🫡

[danaduchy]

all texts from Judy

How's it going? ¡Hola! How you doin, V? Find those voodoo boys yet? * Sure did Hope you found what you were looking for? It was pretty interesting. Helped em out a little * That I did Helped them expand their turf, had a little run-in with netwatch, took a trip down cyberspace lane and met an AI * Didn't think you cared all that much… Course I do! After what you did for Evelyn… You're not just some rando anymore

* Not yet I can imagine * Been kinda busy As are all. Well good luck with your search * You know, same ol' same ol' Uhh… sure, alright O_O Dont really wanna get into details right now Sure, whatever works for you, but V… Take care of yourself, OK? I don't want you to end up like Ev * What about Evelyn? Any improvement? No changes. She's trapped deep in her brain somewhere. Must be goin through hell * It wont come to that Good to know Sorry, gotta run See ya

Ev's send off Hey Buried Ev today Colombarium near North Oak Thought you might wanna know * How do you feel? I intend to get thoroughly shitfaced today * Thanks for letting me know Right, no problem. Take care.

Got an idea Hey, V! Hey. Wanted to thank you again. Ya know, for helping me with Clouds Don't wanna think about what coulda happened if you hadn't been there Anywho, I think I got somethin that might help us Can't go into detes yet, but I'll holler at ya in a couple days Oh, and have a FABULOUS day! ;)

Morning! Mornin, sleepyhead Had to run, didn't wanna wake u Left you some breakfast. Eat up!

Thank you Knock knock Whatup? How's things? * I'm good * You know how it is Why? Somethin the matter? Had a great time in spite of the circumstances. All thanks to you Maybe we could do it again, just without spillin any blood :/ * Anytime Can't wait ;) * But thats what I'm good at… …True. Anyway, still waitin for Maiko to spill the detes on our meet Call you when I know more

Thanks again Heyo, V Everything ok? * Yeah, I'm good * Same as ever * Somethin happen? I'm all right… Thanks again. You know for what ;) You're a good friend. Just want you to know that Maiko still hasn't called. Should be anytime now Let you know when I get somethin fresh

All set Hey V. Maiko just called. We're all set. This afternoon, out in front of H8. Assuming you'll be there? Take care till then. And thanks… Again. It really means a lot to me.

Waiting on you Something urgent come up? Oh well, I'll just wait. Just be here before 8am

Come back Hey come back! I'm not gonna wait forever!!

We're waiting Still don't have time? We're waiting

Later then… Musta been in a real hurry… I'll try to come up with something, like, doable, but also fuckin mindblowing Be in touch. See ya soon

Umm… yeah So… looks like you weren't into it Oh well. Guess that's that then… About to finish packing and then I'm off. Buh-bye!

Bye Won't keep you long Ditching NC soon… I'm done with this sorry-ass excuse for a city Whatever you're up to right now - good luck [You have been deleted from Judy Alvarez's contacts]

Your payment Heeeyo! Sendin you the €$, just as I promised ;) Thank you, thank you, thank you for your help! Laterzzz!

WTF?! Nicely played, V. Very mature Whatever happened to the fearless merc named V? But you didn't have the guts to look me in the eyes Miserable * I was in a rush * I was really craving some fries Save it, V Don't message me again * Can we just talk about this? I'm sorry OK, I'll leave you alone. I'm really fucking sorry * You're really just gonna ghost me now? C'mon Judy, srsly? Fine, no means no I guess…

Our BD Heya, V Starting tuning our virtu - got me thinkin about you again. Got no idea how much Im digging this right now. Splicing two emotive tracks together is super hard - theres a lotta noise I need to filter out for this to come out baby-soft, but the contrast in our reactions… I mean, it'll give you shivers. Don't even have to amplify the emotional tracks. N O V A * Yeah.. sounds super cool No, it's fuckin AWESOME. And the best thing is, it's not pretentious or nothing. Totally relatable * Thats cute Cuteness has nothin to do with it, mi calabacita * Hehe, looks like someone's havin a good time Laugh all you want, calabacita. Its nova anyway * Calaba-wha? Nvm, nothing xD * Seriously? You callin me a pumpkin? Callin me FAT?! Noooooooo silly XD Nicer than callin you a gonk though Alright, I gotta go. Byeeee

Memory Hey calabacita! Still playin around with our virtu - found a still you might like

* Woah not bad Glad you like it * You enhance this? Just a teeny bit, nothin crazy Dunno, I like it. maybe I'll frame it and hang it up on the wall Could do the same for you if you want * Deffo. I'd love one Alrighty, I'll send it over when it's ready * Not really my thing, sorry Hehe, and you still ask why you're a calabacita <3 Okidokes, don't wanna keep ya. Catch ya later ;)

Helloooo Yooohoooo Know wat rymes with judy? BOOTY uh-huh uh-huh your so cuuuutee * Hey… you OK? You sound… weird * Lemme guess - you're wasted Jus out wit some ferns. frieends. * Okaaay, so you are drunk * Definitely drunk Weeeeeell… maybe jus a littl bit? * You could at least send me some stills * Just don't go too crazy, alright? * Pics or it didn't happen Sure <(((*> …fine, knock yourself out :D

I'm so sorry I'm sorry. And a little embarrassed -_- * How are ya? Sounds like you had a fun night Feel like some took a chainsaw to my brain * Maybe I should start putting you on a leash Start keeping my girl in line xD Try it, go ahead and I'll… I dunno. I'm too tired to come up with a comeback * Anything I can do to help? Nah, I'll be fine. I'm just tired. * I miss anything fun? Nah, not really. Just a girls night out. Couple substances, neverending tequila… you get the idea. Roxanne says hi, btw. Or did she? Talk to you later. Gonna go back to bed Before I forget, I got something for you. Sent it to your apartment. Sorry again… -_-' G'night

Got something for ya Heyoooo Got a lil somethin for ya. Should help get you get on your feet - who knows, maybe it'll come in handy down the line It's waitin for you over at mine - near the kitchen counter ;) * Awesome. Thanks Don't mention it :) * What is it? Not big on surprises, are ya? Nothin super special, don't get your hopes up. Couple of energy bars to keep your battery charged ;) Oh and I found a 12 gauge. Got it some time ago from the Mox. Don't really see myself needin it * Sounds great, I'll try it out * No such thing as too much iron Like a fly to ointment… Shoulda figured :P Watch out for yourself, OK? I know you've got shit goin on and that you're playin a high stakes game… But you're too young for me to be visiting your grave. Just sayin Welp, that got a little darker than I intended. Anyway, just be careful

Noticed something… Just opened my wardrobe and my favorite MaxTac uniform's gone! Someone's been naughtyyy! I'm gonna have to teach you a lesson ;) Hope at least you can put it to good use Errrr maybe I shouldn't say that. Especially when I'm not around ;) Nvm. Forget I said anything!

About the car Here's a good one - how do you know when NC's too crowded? When your ride disappears and you have to fuckin walk. ON. FOOT. Hope you enjoyed the ride. Next time just give me a heads up :P

Later V Hey V I'm leaving, V. For good. Can't stand it here any longer Wanted to tell you before, but you were gone. Sorry I guess it's better this way. Leavin everything behind, old hangups included. Once and for all Hope you come out of your thing in one piece Bye, V [You have been deleted from Judy Alvarez's contacts]

Hello from Oregon! Check this out

Hellooo from breezy Oregon!! * So is that the key to the meaning of life? The beach? xP Nah, more like sittin on my ass and doin nothin for once. It's relaxing Sorta. As much peace and quiet as you can get with my grams * Visiting your grams and gramps? Yeah showed up on their doorstep a few days ago. Dunno if they were happy or confused… Pretty nice being with family. Good people, good food, zero bullshit How's life in NC? Hangin in there? * Peachy as ever Still got that relic. But I'm workin on it * Could be better. Could be worse Still breathin. Guess thats somethin… You'll figure it out, V. You always do Gotta go. The elders are summoning me

On the road

Road's full of adventure

Hey from Seattle!

Seattle's calling! * Why Seattle? * What're you doing there? They got a pretty nova virtu studio here. Wanted to check it out from up close Maybe I'll rent out space for a couple days, play around with their tech, do some experimenting. We'll see But I'm not plannin on stayin long * Why not? Didn't leave NC just to end up right where I started. Least not right now Cuz otherwise it'll just be the same shit, different place * Where to after? Gonna head east. Roam around the country a bit Prolly wont have a sig for a while Hang in there, alright? * I'll try I'm sure you'll manage just fine * No promises Shoulda seen that comin. But I'm sure you'll manage just fine If I'm ever back in NC, we can crack some beers on the roof and you'll tell me everything And I probably won't believe any of it xP Anyway… Bye, V.

random ¡Hola calabacita! Thinking about you <3 Wanna guess what? * Wait, are you trying to sext right now? Because in that case, I'd better find a nice quiet spot… Wow what year is it, 2000? Please, you know braindance gets the job done muuuuch better. * Mmm, think you should show me sometime ;) You got it… Course, it's still not as good as realspace. * Ain't nothin' like the real thing baybaaaay Haha, true true * Yeah, think I saw something like that in an old movie once. Super weird :/ Aaaah, yeah, think I know the one. Classic. And yeah, nothin like the real thing ;) Now I forgot what I was gonna write. Ehhh, maybe it'll come back to me. Talk soon :) * Hmm… Wondering if I can do a double backflip with a full twist? The answer is yes. Good to know! But… no. Was just thinking if you were an animal, you'd be a dog. * Cause I'm cute and cuddly? Yeah, obvi… But you're also loyal. Woman's best friend and all that. * Cause I'm your fierce protector? Yeah. And the best friend I've ever had. * OK gimme a sec, there's gotta be a joke about tongues and licking in here somewhere… … you're the woooooorst I lvoe it xD Anywho, enough distractions, back to work for me * That if I were an animal, I'd totally be a dog. Because I'm cute, loyal and love to lick eeeeeverything wow Not sure if I should be blown away that you read my mind, or offended and disappointed at your crass attempt at a "joke" * Be blown away! I dunno, the licking… Please, you love it ;) I… yeah I do xD * You're complex, you contain multitudes, you can feel both at once. Haha true, I can xD

God pls no Shit Shit on a fucking shit cracker OK so… I uh, I was talking to my grams and I accidentally told her about you I'm just warning you, she might try to contact you… I'm sorry -.- Didn't give her your detes obviously, but she's got mad detective skills for her age. Honestly don't know how she does it. I'm so so sorry. * shiiiit Exactly * Haha big oops. You think it'll be that bad though? Just picture the DataKrash, that's the sort of destruction she's capable of. * Don't worry, I got this. OK…. And I got my fingers crossed for ya You do realize you can't shoot your way outta this one, right? * Hilarious Learn from the best ;) * Ugh, you win Like I always do :P So what can I expect? Basically a 5 ft 2 pitbull trained in advanced interrogation techniques But she's really sweet once u get to know her! * So I can't just ignore her, right? I mean you could try, but… Not really possible with her. * Come on, no way it's that bad I mean it, your little ol' abuela can't be that scary. Yeah… positive thinking, that's the way. Let's just say you've been warned. Please please please be nice and let me knwo how it goes, ok?

So my grams * Holy shit, Ainara Alvarez is one tough cookie I know, just got off the holo with her * You weren't joking about your abuela * Still breathing! Just got off the holo with my grams * Hope she didn't datakrash me She loves you <3 * And? I think she's a bit sceptical. …but she's always like that so :P * Do I even wanna know? Nothin' to worry about Don't think you two really hit it off Man if you two ever meet, it's gonna be good O_O Thanks for talking to her, V. I know she can be alot You're the best Just talked to my grams wow is she pissed. Take it you just blocked her? Yeah, I'm sorry. Hm, ok… * I panicked and blocked her omg Now I get why she compared you to Maiko * I can't deal with this drama right now Drama? OK… I'm sorry Listen… I know you got a lot on your plate right now. My abuela's not your top priority I get it. talk later

<3 So V… I need to tell you something. * Shoot. Just gotta get something off my chest * You're an NUSA sleeper agent And you just got burned. Bad. All you can do now is wipe your files, cover your tracks and flee this city of broken promises, never to return. WHAT?! O_O Great story, but no :P * Sounds like the start of every breakup text I've ever gotten What?! NO! Shit, didn't realize how that sounded Anyway, it's just that… Ok so you know I'm not great with feelings and stuff… But I've been thinking about the past few months and I wanna say thanks, V. For being with me, for everything you've done. And just for being you You're great. Just wanted you to know that. But now I gotta go hide somewhere, I'm all flushed -.- <3 * Awwwww my sweet little vulnerable leelou bean Jesus christ stop xD it's not funny!!! * <3 :) * No YOU'RE great. Quit it with the charm bub You're making it worse!

Yo, what up? * All good The queen of curt replies -_- Ok, well you know where to find me and how to make up for blowing me off. I don't like being taken for granted. * Stuff's been going down - I'm on a super-weird gig in Dogtown. Kay, so two things to unpack - "weird" and fucking DOGTOWN?! Start with the first. * I thought that's what you found attractive about me? ;) I signed up for the full package, so can't complain :) Not even about the expiry date…? You're really good at distracting me from work -_-  We're all fucked in the end anyway, right? But I like to think that at any given moment we're both immortal - and those are the moments that count, every single time. Damn, that's deep * I like the idea of immortality in the now. It's like with animals - they don't know they can die until they're faced with real danger. Then they forget. * I don't think I'm in the same headspace rn because I'm working. I'll hit you up when I'm done :) Sure thing. Judy out. *  I'm just getting warmed up Cut the foreplay and spill the detes already You're really good at distracting me from work -_-  Oh, sorry Miss Professional-all-of-a-sudden I'm at work too - it's just sometimes I need to take my mind off it to not go crazy

* Can I text you when I'm done? * Glad to know I'm what's keeping you sane :) Sooooo… Whatcha doin? Nothing much - on a gig like any other Aaaand her highness has returned. I won't press for detes >.< * Probably shouldn't. Don't wanna put you at risk - better safe than sorry. Ok, putting jokes aside for a sec - sounds pretty serious. You sure its safe? Should I worry? Cuz you know, it's Dogtown - not exactly the safest place, is it? * You dont need to - I'm a big girl. Can take care of myself. I know, I know, I'll stop mothering you. If you say everything's fine, then I believe you :) * I'm chasing a promising lead for the biochip - it's worth a bit of risk. Ok, well, I'd assume that you've got a handle on things, so I won't lecture you. I'll just keep my fingers crossed. But if thinkin nice thoughts about you is any help, then just know that I am <3 Keeping me safe by sending positive vibes? A kind of hobby of mine. I take it pretty serious. Maybe something'll come of it. * Guess we'll see - maybe with your help I'll wrap up sooner…? * It works. Scientifically proven. Initiating transfer of "Positive Vibrations" Level: 500% xD Can feel something already - it really does work <3 Told ya! Lemme know when you get a free evening :* * I'll tell you later. Pros don't spill while on the job. Maybe over pizza and beer when its all over? * I'll let you know, but this one's lookin like a marathon. * You got it ;)

Got this thing… Hey, you ever hear of a case where someone disconnects from their wreath but gets stuck believin they're the person they were reliving in the BD? V, can't have this on my plate right now. Go to a ripper. What happened?? * Actually… nvm. It's nothin. False alarm Oooook, if you say so. But you know I'm here if any real alarm bells go off * So, hypothetically, say someone has trouble returning to their normal self after using a BD… that like a problem? Scale of 1 to 10 * Scratchin my head over here. New choom of mine had an accident recently. A localnet power surge overloaded his wreath and toasted the circuits. Guy's been livin his life thinking he's this BD star ever since * New choom of mine had an accident recently. A localnet power surge overloaded his wreath and toasted the circuits. Guy's been livin his life thinking he's this BD star ever since Sure, yeah, not unheard of. Could be a compulsive user, maybe a massive hardware failure… in my line of work we like to call it Dissociative Identity Defective 'Dance Onset. Or DIDDO for short If the condition doesn't sort itself out you need to use what we call the divided attention method. You show em one thing that's uniquely personal and another that represents the personality they've taken on. The resulting cognitive dissonance should snap em out of it (fingers crossed) Good thing you reached out. DIDDO can become permanent if you let it linger too long

You busy? Heeey, calabacita <3 What's goin on? How you been doin? * Hey, not bad. Same old stuff "Not bad" means "good" in my book! Which is great, cause I was thinkin… * Could be better. Been too long since we saw each other :( Oh no! My poor V, gazing out the window, pining after me! We gotta do somethin about that ;) * Yeah, fine. Johnny says hi Oh wow… didn't know Johnny was even aware I exist :P So anyway, why am I writing to you… Maybe I could come over to your place? * Of course!! Know my address in megabuilding H10? I think so… worst case I just ask a neighbor XD * Definitely! Know my apartment in Northside? Course I do. Watson's my home turf, you gonkbrain :P * For sure! Come to my pad in Japantown <3 Will do, just hope no tygers pounce on me XD * Preem idea! I'll be waiting at my apartment in the Glen! Ooh, the Glen? Swankyyy. Can't wait :-* * Yeah! Come on by my Corpo Plaza setup, y'know, downtown Hot damn, ok! Hope I won't be too underdressed XD * I thought you'd never ask :P I'm in Dogtown! Uhh… Dogtown? Seriously? Think I'll pass. Can we meet somewhere else? See you soon!!

Hola, V :D I've missed you. Can I come see you soon? Hey there :) Can I get another invite to your place? Hey hey <3 Y'know, got a little free time… Wanna meet up? Whaddaya say… Me? Your place? ASAP? * You have to ask?? Swing by my megabuilding apartment! Omw! * 1000%! Let's chill in Northside :) Be there in a millisec! * You. Me. Japantown. Now. Oh hell yeah! * Call your cab now and meet me in the Glen! * Umm, obviously. ;) Meet me at my Corpo Plaza place * If you wanna come to Dogtown…? It's not that I don't want to… I'm just terrified for my life is all. Maybe come back to NC to see me? * Sorry, but now's not a great time. Don't be mad, I'll see you soon, k? :) Oh c'mon, I ain't mad! But I'll hold you to that ;) * Mhm, calabacita… bet you know what I'm thinkin :P

I loved seeing you. Seriously. Thanks for finding some time for me. Gimme a holler when you find some more <3 * Thank YOU for being there for me :) Oh c'mon, stop bein so damn perfect all the time ;) * You know I will, prolly sooner than you think ;) Already got a countdown started :P * HOLLER Haha! Got me blushin so hard it feels like my cheeks are on fire Kisses, hugs and snugs! xoxo

Hey Jude :) Interested in hangin out? Ok, I'm all yours! Maybe I can come over? Can't just this sec, calabacita. Sorry :( I'll let you know soon tho when I'm free! You're the best! Whoa, V! Thanks for the preem ride! Where are we headed? And when?? Will we even fit inside?! Hahaha * Haha, who knows where the road will lead us! <3 * So you like it?? Phew… :D xoxo Thanks, V! This bouquet meant to symbolize our love? Y'know, lasts forever, non-biodegradable, that sorta thing? ;) Aaand you might just be the first person to ever compliment my calves… * It's criminal I don't compliment them more :-* Ok… haha, thanks for preem gift, V :) * And that's plain unacceptable! you ain't wrong there :P

Got a sec? * Hey Judy, doin swell, thanks for askin Sorry… just been shit day. Feels like nothing's going right. * No need to be sorry, was just messin with you * Maybe I can help with that, get your day back on track Where do ya wanna meet? * Sure do I'm at Lizzie's Talk to Mateo when you get here. I'll come up and join you. Roger that, see ya soon * Something wrong? No, why would you think that? Can name a few reasons First off, no enthusiastic "Hey calabacita!". Second, not one :) or ;) to be seen Third, it's rarely just one message and done with you. When Judy texts, my screen blows up in blue lolol xoxo ;) Oh V, don't you know just how to put a smile on my face :) * Dunno, just don't sound like yourself

Hey calabacita :P Thanks for a great night. Hell, thanks for everything you do. I really needed that, V. And I know you could see it… Prolly know me better than I know myself Let's do it again sometime, yeah? Sooner rather than later I hope :) * Anytime! * Can't take all the credit. Had preem time myself. Hard not to when you're around :) Just gimme a buzz when you get the time and the urge again Oh I will. But first… gotta shake this hangover… XD

Heeey, I've missed you! Interest you in a drink or a dance? Hopefully both? Hey hey <3 I ever tell you how fine you are? Whaddaya say, wanna make this city our bitch tonight? Psst… been thinkin about me lately? Cuz you're all I got on my mind ;) I'm free tonight… You? Wanna blow off some steam. Think you can help me with that? * You even have to ask?? Where we startin tonight? Meet me at Lizzie's! Just let Matteo know when you show and he'll ping me! * You know I can't say no to you. ;) Same as last time? Hell yeah! C u at Lizzie's!

A short trip came up Hey, got somethin of a short trip comin up. Won't be in town for a bit. A month max Seriously? :( well, shit, miss you already * But think how happy you'll be once I'm back ;) True, guess that helps… a little :P * The time's gonna fly by, then you'll get to see the new me Like, literally What's that supposed to mean? Fill ya in when I'm back in town. For now, gotta go.

Pick up! C'mon pick up Hellooooooooo Pick up, pleeease V? Hello? Please just pick up! Wanna go somewhere? Yo, V, you ok? Been a sec since I got a buzz from you Got some time on my hands and thought maybe you'd wanna meet up? There's this preem lookin exhibit on 20th century tech. Prolly the only chance in our lives to lay eyes on a VCR :P There's that, plus someone kinda misses you… ;) Helloooo? Can you answer please? Even one word? Got me worryin V? Said you'd be gone a month and it's already been, what, four?… What's goin on, V? Why didn't I ask where you were goin… Said you'd come back 21 missed calls from Judy Alvarez