#i wont even be able to watch the barbie movie but i want to so bad....

[todayisafridaynight]

ICHIBARBIE COMM for @ichibarbie on twitter :]]

Commission Info

[blackpilljesus]

I've not dated or had close relations with moids in years. I've been on the path to spending the rest of my days as a single childfree woman & committing to it as an osawoman. During this time here's what I've learnt, shorter version here:

This lifestyle is a privilege - being able to exist without having to directly depend on a moid romantically/sexually is a luxury. Know the privilege you have and how you can take full advantage of it and keep yourself set. We arent living this way solely bc we're smarter, we were just momentarily luckier. Most women are a political/natural disaster away from losing everything. Bear this in mind; along the way think of "what if" to best start preparing yourself.

Dont bother justifying your ways to people - Most wont and dont want to get it. Save your breath. By getting into back and forth arguments over not marrying moids & not having children you are digging a deeper hole for yourself by giving them more fodder to counter. They wont change their minds. End the conversation short & move on.

You cant save everybody - Ditch the saviour complex. We all get dealt bad hands in life; some worse than others. Other peoples lives arent your responsibility, there's only so much you can do because you've got your own issues too. Besides some are too far gone, you'll only end up drowning or being burned trying to save others especially if they dont want saving.

Recruitment is a waste of time - I often see extensive discourse around this topic w/ some women trying so hard to recruit others into this lifestyle or being separatists, wgtow, etc. All this does is waste time that can be spent on building instead. If some women dont get it oh well it's not the end of the world (although every woman does get it, they're just doing what they can t survive) it doesn't matter long term TO YOU because if you're serious you dont need other womens understanding/stamp of approval to build a network/resources for women; you can get started without them; heck some may join once they see the value like how so many women broke up with their partners after watching the barbie movie. Some women are more focused on recruitment than living the single childfree life they claim to be about and it consumes them - dont let recruitment consume you. Besides other women willingly engaging with moids buys you some time; those who know - know.

Most activism is a waste of time. Things only change when it benefits those in power but they will never relinquish their power entirely. It's great to put knowledge out there for others to learn but getting into discourse having to justify yourself & being swallowed by your activism will do more harm than good. Most activism is a stepping stone at most for the next chapter of your life. Learn to game the system instead of changing the system.

Focus on yourself. Everything as we know it is rooted in the system that has been perfected over the millenias. The problems of misogyny, racism, ableism, etc have existed before we were born and will exist after we die (part of why im not birthing into this mess). Trying to change it is a losing battle. This doesnt mean dont advocate or care about anything but look out for yourself first & be comfortable learning to existing between the cracks. It'll be quite the exercise tho as we've been socialised to prioritise others.

This is not a lifestyle one simply chooses it's something that chooses you. This isn't for everyone, those who know; know. If you require a lot of convincing or handholding then it isn't for you.

It gets lonely. Not because of not having a moidfriend; even when partnered with them many women still feel lonely. It's because most women are moid centric / obsessed and would want to be partnered with an xy someday or already are. Very few women truly commit to or understand this lifestyle irl tbh. Even my moots who are separatists or just single & childfree are halfway across the world. However that said, many women in the community can also be toxic; holding each other to high standards and there being constant bickering. You can befriend moid partnered women but be careful with them. We're surrounded by the system, existing out of core elements of it will come with a degree of isolation but on the bright side there's also peace if it all goes well.

Less is more. The less you say to others the less ammunition they have to hit you with. Bragging about this lifestyle to our predators will only make things harder because they've already got a huge upperhand. Too many of us moving in one go will bring unprecedented waves we're not ready to deal with. See 2, 3, and 4.

Ignorance is not bliss. Completely cutting off from xys including knowledge of their evil will make you unprepared should a threat strike. Not understanding moids nature is how some women think things are as easy as getting up and walking away without considering security & other factors then get suprised when moids strike. I'm not saying drown in true crime & xy evil but dont stray too far you lose touch of reality. Side note this is why women are gaslit about moids nature so that they dont have the chance to effectively prepare. Stay informed. I constantly learn from the women around me. Pay attention to xy motives & tactics. The power they hold, possible moves they may play etc. You wont be able to know/guess everything but stay in the loop nonetheless.

You will make mistakes be prepared to learn

It gets easier to control your attraction to moids overtime (if you're osa) as your focus is elsewhere as you realise there is a more fulfilling world out there beyond marriage & kids. Also life is just so much better. I know most women want the fairytale prince charming or an angel nigel but it's just not happening. Especially in a world like this. The freedom to be able to exist as a person & not a slave/punching bag for a rape ape is BLISS. You get so comfortable with it you wont wanna be with moids anyway especially when you see what other women go through. (Side note this is why women are pushed to being with moids as early as possible so this level of enlightenment is never reached & instead all women know + become accustomed to is suffering at the hands of moids).

As time passes and you mature into this lifestyle you can tell who's new and who's got skin in the game. I wont elaborate here as it'll digress and this note is long as is but those who know; know.

There's so much work to be done it'll last a lifetime. This lifestyle ain't easy. It strays from the norm so the typical guardrails that come with traditional options are out of the picture. The good news is that you can spend time crafting your own blueprint to follow or share with others who are willing. There's such little in terms of infrastructure & resources for single childfree women and yeah xys will likely try to destroy these things but at the same time if it can be done go for it and bear xy threat in mind we gotta start somewhere.

A purpose/guide is important. It's something that's going to guide your life through the ups and downs because it wont be a smooth ride but it'll be something that can make you in situations that break you. This isn't a "fuck you" to moids directly, it's about ourselves. Seeing this lifestyle as some type of "gotcha" against moids will only make things harder and lowkey misses the point of decentering them. I have my reasons for never getting married or having children that are solid (if you need inspiration checkout r/breakingmom on reddit). True comes from seeing something as bigger than yourself; find a purpose in this line of life to keep you going.

Invest in yourself. Personally, financially, etc. Pretty obvious but especially now that you're going to be more alone you need to be able to count on yourself more. With enough investment it can help other women too.

Invest in female network. No gyn is an island. Even though I'm not much of a social person the friends I have make my life better; they've been supportive but also honest. Also support female centric spaces online & offline; they're all that we have lest we be banished to the silo prison of the "nuclear family" or exploitative misogynistic communities.

Get comfortable disassociating/cutting people off. If you want to survive some things/people will simply just have to go.

You arent owed anything from other women, but you dont owe them anything either. The operating word here is owed, I aint saying women shouldn't help each other - I'm saying dont feel entitled. The feminist "girls support girls" schtick is bullshit. We're in a cold world full of ruthless oppression where everyone is just trying to survive however they can; in many cases it helps women survive when they turn on other women instead of on moids. Solidarity works because those who have solidarity politically speaking are people with power, it works in their interest to stand & work together as to keep + maintain their privileges in society so there wont be much female solidarity as in many cases it's not worth it to women long run. It aint right but that's how they perceive it so watch your back.

Everything is political. Always remember this. Many (privileged) people try to downplay politics & its effect but it runs our world which is why they want you blind to it. Pay attention.

There's merit to being around like-minded women even if it's just online. Like I said before it gets lonely. Very few women are willing to face & accept the truth about maIes. Being around like-minded women can be depressing sometimes as they drop blackpills bitter than you can initially handle but at least you dont feel so isolated/crazy.

[romanarose]

Leather and Lace Universe: Halloween Special.

TF boys and their respective partners.

Summary: After the events of Will's story and before Benny's story starts, the group gets together for Halloween.

Warnings: a lil drinking, mentions of traumatic pregnancy and birth, brief mention of death by several different means in reference to how kurt cobain, selena, james dean etc died.

AN: currently, I am writing Will's story, For The Longest Time, and have written Take Your Time (frankie's story), after Leather and Lace ended. you can read this without having read TYT or FTLT, just know frankie and jana are back together, Lorelei is Will's girlfriend and the mother of his child and Santi and Laci had a baby. Right now in the time line, it's early summer, so this is a flash forward, and I'll pick back up in the summer during FTLT. I tried to keep things as vague as possible esp in regards to what gender Laci and Lorelei are having, and what exactly is going on with Ben and why Alice is suddenly not invited... but it will be clear as Will's story progresses.

*********************

They all needed this. 

The fall had been hard so far with everything going on with Ben, and the group needed a night away. Without Alice.

Everyone got a babysitter to be able to spend time together and focus on each other for a night. 

Jana’s brother, Jacob, had Rosie, and a very pregnant Jana and very sober Frankie were driving Benny, Lorelei, and Will. Alice was not invited. Santi had originally refused to go all in for a costume, so after seeing the Barbie movie in the summer, Laci and Benny had planned on being Barbie and Ken together. When Benny’s girlfriend vito’d the idea, wanting to be Barbie, Santi had caved and let Laci dress him up. Benny’s disappearance was hurting Laci terribly, and Santi was trying his best to fill in the gaps. Benny spent Halloween weekend with Alice dressed as cowboy barbie and Ken, but had allotted Halloween day for his friends. This was a positive step forward since the more the year went on, the more Ben withdrew. The group of friends valued the time they could get with him.

Will’s mom came to their house to watch their baby, and had offered to watch Santi and Laci’s newborn. They were very hesitant, considering how young the baby was and the circumstances of the birth, but they wanted to see Ben. He’d only been over to see the baby a handful of times.

Santi and Laci were the last to arrive, Laci hanging on Santiago who had an arm around her for support.

“You made it!” Benny shouts, enthusiastic and also drunk, raising his hands as he cheers. He pats Santi’s back, but just smiles at Laci.

Santiago apologized, stating it was hard to say goodbye to their child, even if only for a few hours, then asked everyone to introduce their costumes.

Lorelei was dressed in a 1950’s style dress, hair done up in curls and her signature red lipstick. Will had on a white shirt and red jacket, his hair slicked back. “We’re Judy and Jim from Rebel Without a Cause.”

“Who the hell is that?” Santi asked.

Will butted in. “I’m James Dean, that’s all you need to know.”

Lorelei would not be had. “Who the hell are you?”

Santi wore a suit, his hair also slicked back with way too much hair gel and Laci had drawn on a thin mustache. Laci, for her part, had her straight blonde hair in pig tails and a shimmery two piece club outfit that looked fit for a 60's club dancer. 

“We’re Blue Jones and Baby Doll from Sucker Punch!” Laci announced proudly, Santi helping her do a little spin. She was still recovering from her emergency C-section and needed to take it easy tonight. 

“You know Blue is the bad guy in that movie, right?” Ben asks from the table. “He tries to r-”

Santi shushes him. “AHT! I tried to tell her, she wont have it. She tells me I look like him and she wanted to wear a cute outfit.”

“Even if my body hasn’t bounced back yet.”

Santi turned to Laci chastisingly. “Mi vida, you had a baby 1 month ago, your body looked exactly like it should.” She just kissed his cheek and thanked him, then turned to the others. Laci hadn’t gained much weight during the pregnancy, and in fact began losing weight before the birth.

“Okay, your guy’s turn!”

Jana did a twirl, her long curls flying and the sparkles on her outfit making her look radiant as ever- Jana had a much easier time pregnant, she was glowing. 

“I’m Selena Quintanilla.” She wore a maroon sparkly jumpsuit that flared out at the calved. The outfit had bare midriff that proudly showed Jana prominent pregnancy.

“Oh!” Laci clasped her hands together. “Are you going to do karaoke?”

Jana confirmed she would absolutely be singing Selena.

“And so will we!” Benny proudly announced, pulling Frankie in with his arm. Frankie looked less than thrilled to be doing karaoke, but right now they were just happy Ben was with them.

“And you two are?” Laci asked.

“Kurt Cobain and Chis Cornell! We’re gonna do Hunger Strike, I’ll be singing Eddie Vedder’s part.”

Laci’s jaw dropped in a slightly dejected face. “You guys did a theme without us!”

Jana looked confused. “What, singers? Only three of us are and mostly by accident.”

“No!” She pouted, not seriously sad. “All you guys are people who died young!”

The group looked back and forth at each other, so Laci clarified. “James Dean died in a crash at 24, Natalie Wood was killed by her husband, Selena was shot, and Kurt and Chris committed suicide! We’re left out!”

“Relaje, Laci” Jana pulled her in for a playful hug. “That was on accident. At least your boyfriend didn’t reject a couples costume to dress up with his boyfriend.”

“I’m not Ben’s boyfriend!” Frankie tried to protest, but Benny wasn’t helping.

“Yes, you are.”

Frankie’s smile grew. “Yeah, I kinda am. I did go to pride with you two years ago.”

That caught Lorelei’s attention, looking up from sipping her red wine. “You went to pride?”

“To make sure Ben didn’t get hate crimed or something!”

Jana smiled slyly, enjoying riling him up. “You’ve never gone to pride with me.”

Teasingly, Frankie flicked her shoulder. “Fine, you got me.” Then turned to Laci and Santi. Ben had gone quite at the mention of pride, so Frankie changed the subject. “What would you guys even be if you were famous people who died young, there can’t be that many people who-”

Lorelei had an answer. “Marlyn Monroe and Buddy Holly, next question.”

This erupted into a very adamant denial by Santiago that he would not be caught wearing glasses, Lorelei insisting he’d need them soon, the old man, and Laci and Will looking at each other and laughing.

*

Jana had indeed gone on stage, singing Si Una Vez by Selena. Jana’s spanish was not perfect, having grown up with only one spanish speaking parent, but she could get along in both Somali and Spanish.

“Wow.” Will mused, watching her. Jana was a woman of many skills, and it should not have been surprising she had a decent singing voice. “She’s not even looking at the lyrics.”

Frankie sighed, crossing his arms and huffing as he slid down his seat a bit. “Yeah, she uhhhhh, listened to this song a lot when we broke up.”

Santi patted him on the back and they watched her perform.

Laci watched her friend, and as it ended she turned to Benny. “How are you? Anything new?” She asked him, trying to strike up conversion.

He smiled at her, looking nervous. His eyes kept darting around like he was going to get caught talking to her. “I’m good. How’s the little one?”

“Great.” Laci beamed. “Perfect, actually. Worth everything we went through to bring them here… Maybe you could come by this week?”

“Yeah, I’ll see what I got going on…” Laci knew what that meant. Benny wouldn’t be over. Benny had nothing going on except blacking out drunk and Alice. 

“Okay… you’re welcome over any time, you know that.” Laci was on extended maternity leave. Working at a women’s shelter, they knew the importance of this time with a new baby and they were not in any dire need for her to return just yet. Laci, however, was getting a little stir crazy. Santi was almost always around, Will and Lorelei visited, and Jana and Frankie were over a lot as the godparents. Still, Laci missed her Benny. In the early months of coming back to the states, Benny was her godsend. He treated her like a normal person, and as much as she adored her husband, Santi’s hovering could be a lot. She wanted him with her, and she wanted him to get to know the baby.

“Frankie.” Benny nudged his friend, pointing him to where Jana stood after exciting the stage. She was talking to a very drunk man, looking thoroughly unimpressed and visibly cringing. “Someones trying to steal your girl.”

“Oh now what the hell” Frankie grumbles as he pushed Santi out of the booth. “AYE PENDEJO! SHE’S CLEARLY PREGNANT!” Jana was not the kind of girl to need rescuing, but Frankie would be damned if he left her like that.

For three hours, they all hung out, laughed, sang and drank. Santi even offered to sing karaoke with Laci since Ben had bailed on I’m Just Ken with her, but Laci was a shy singer. She needed someone to carry the show for her. Plus, she knew it would make Santi uncomfortable to be on a stage, and she wouldn’t put him through that.

At around 12, after Benny and Frankie won the couples costume of the night (proving Jana’s point), Laci’s head was resting on Santi’s shoulder.

“Hey Munequita.” Santi nudged her. “You ready to go home?”

Laci nodded sleepily. 

Everyone said their goodbyes, and Santi helped Laci down from the chair and out the door of the bar.

“Wait!” They heard Benny’s voice from the bar doorway, dashing outside without a coat.

Santi and Laci stopped, Benny running up to them but slowing down in time to be careful with Laci. Gentle, he bent down the considerable height difference between them and hugged her. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Benny.” Laci teared up, letting go of Santi to hold him fully. “I’m here for you, we both are.”

**************

@pimosworld @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @whatthefishh @missdictatorme @milkymoon2483 @poeedameronn@itspdameronthings @miraclesabound @babymills16 @rayslittlekitten @ellenmunn @hon3yboy

[visionthefox]

Hi it's me, first thing first Hi how are you doing? I hope you are doing good and amazing and I hope you had a wonderful winter day! <3

So today's episode was Earth Lore, and what can I rescue from it, is that Earth has an obsession with Barbie specially the princess and the pauper, and that's because the Big brain aka the creator bought her all the barbie movies because "girls like barbie, right?" also the immortal trashcan man that was Bloodmoon's toy has been revealed to be one the creator's sidekick. Earth sole porpuse as I understood from the show is being able to be closer to the pizzaplex and also to pamper the brain.

Speaking of Earth in the episode where Eclipse and her spoke and Eclipse told her that "they had killed people" like Earth shouldn't have acted surprised because in the episode where Sun get therapy Earth knows two things: 1.- She knows about Sun's hallucinations and 2.- She knows that Sun killed bloodmoon. Also the way she talked to sun about the hallucinations about Bloodmoon saying they are not real I remember a professor telling me during a psychology class that if the hallucinations are severe (which I think it's the case of Sun, by how he can hear, see and flinch to their touch) it's best not to tell them that it's not real. That's why I think sun decided to start distracting himself with over cleaning but I think that's causing an OCD. (Please note I'm not a psychologist or psychiatrist and I'm just going on from I learned in the classes I took to become a future health professional).

Now I'm trying to rewatch episodes where either the creator is present, the trashcan and also Earth's episode to see if things add up or we are playing again with loose ends.

In the Monty and Foxy show seems like the puppet is finally going to get Lunar, the date is unclear because they said "it can take days, weeks or two months to get to the station". The puppet is using an actual spaceship to get there but that's because he doesn't want Eclipse to know or something like that.

Everything feels just more and more confusing at this point.

why im not surprised the creator - who at this point is just a madman, doesnt even tried with her.. maybe this is why is has way too many flaws to even be allowed to work in a daycare.. also is ok!

There is a difference between talking about a topic because you saw it on TV, and talking about the topic you are studying or have studied - in my case, because I am poor I cannot study - but I have psychology books, that's why sometimes I focus a lot on the character mentality.. that's why I never liked Earth, I don't feel that she is the person that Sun needs next to him she is not smart, she is not able to read the room, or even understand Sun's pain-

And even if I don't even like seeing her name, I won't lie, she's good, it's not her fault that she's unable to understand her new home, she doesn't know anything, because of who created her, her AI is incomplete, This bothers me - but I guess the joke of a drama is having uncompetent characters - duh! for the trash can man, eh, he wasnt given any lore so anyone can do anthing to him and will make sense - all the sense this show have left of course.. for the last part.. im guessing Puppet.. is gonna get to Monty's space station and get the left over data from there? since the Gator is too busy or what? mmh I wont watch Lunar coming back but I do hope he's the Lunar who can fight back, who was a bit smart, and not the "bean baby" Lunar..

[hockeyandstuff91]

I’m The Only One

Word Count: 1,828

Player: Taylor Hall

Warning: cussing, fighting

Authors note: This was an idea that I had last night while I was listening to music. The song “I’m The Only One” by Melissa Etheridge was playing and it gave me the idea for this story! Hope you all enjoy it! :)

Also thank you @inthebyf for helping me pick which player and help with how to start this! LOVE YOU GIRL <3

If you want to listen to the song here’s a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oCphbDRkZSo

"Taylor!"

"What?" He grumbled as he dropped his hockey bag on the floor of the living room and headed towards the bedroom.

"Why are you so mad?!" You asked as you followed after him.

"Because since I have gotten home its been nothing but passive aggressiveness from you," he said, turning around to look at you.

You raised your eyebrows at him and shook your head. "Wow."

"Well it has!"

"No you're right. I have been but its because you wont even listen to me."

He just looked at you, waiting for you to continue.

"Every time you get home from the away games you get mad at me for calling you."

"You know I'm busy! It's not like I'm with some girl or something."

"I'm highly aware of this Taylor. But we are in a relationship here," you said motioning between the two of you. "You don't just stop communication for a period of time because you are away from home. What am I suppose to think?!"

"You know my job Y/N! I'm with the guys, or practicing, or at the game, or media. It never ends and when I get back to the hotel I just want to sleep."

"I understand this. I'm busy too! I have my own business I run for fuck sakes but I still find time for you and all your games and everything!"

"I never asked you to clear your schedule for me Y/N."

"I never said that you did! I did it because I love you. I just can't stand that you wont talk to me at all while you are gone. I mean sometimes you are gone for weeks! You are really going to stand here and tell me you cant find a second to text me something! Anything!"

He just stood there staring at you, not saying anything because he knew you were right but didn't want to admit it. After a long moment of silence he finally spoke "You seriously need to talk to me all the time?"

"No! I just sometimes need to know you're fucking OKAY or maybe just NEED TO TALK TO YOU," your voice was raised and you were shaking at this point.

"Oh! And you also texted me while I was gone saying how it was really funny how I was liking some other 'bitches' Instagram posts," he added, remembering something you had texted him the day before he got home.

"WELL YEAH! I see that you have time to like someones fucking Instagram post but not text me?!"

"No you're just jealous obviously," he mumbled as he turned around.

"Excuse me?!"

"You heard me."

"You are damn right I did! Fuck you Taylor I'm not jealous of some fake barbie bitch on Instagram. I'm pissed off that you don't make time for me after your countless promises that you will. I'm sick of it!"

"Yeah well me too!" he said, turning around and walking over to you.

The two of you froze when you realized what was going to happen next. You swallowed hard and looked down, avoiding any and all eye contact with him.

"I'm going to go," he said, softer than you thought he was going to. All you could do was nod.

You stood there in that same spot, not moving or looking up as he walked around you, grabbing his stuff and shoving it into one of his duffel bags. He walked by you and out of the bedroom door, his footsteps disappearing behind you before you heard the door open and close.

That was when you finally let yourself go and you collapsed on the bed, crying.

It had been a month since the fight and everything was just.. quiet without him here. He had come by to pick up the rest of his stuff the next day while you were at work and you hadn't really seen him since then. Of course you saw him when he played during the games but you tried to focus your attention on someone else for the most part. A lot of your mutual friends would check on you, which you appreciated a lot. You were glad that even though you weren't still together you weren't going to lose everyone that you had gotten close with. A few of them even informed you when there was a new girl but always reassured you that she was lame, or just a puck bunny, and it wouldn't last. They would constantly remind you that you were the best thing that he had and he would eventually realize it. You weren't so sure, but it didn't matter right now.

You were sitting on the couch just watching some TV. The girls had decided to go to the bar tonight and had invited you but you really weren't in the mood tonight. You just wanted to curl up on the couch, have some pop corn, and watch a bunch of horror movies.

Your phone buzzed on the coffee table at an intense part of the movie, causing you to jump. You groaned and leaned forward, grabbing it seeing that it was Brittney.

Britt: Y/N hes down here tonight. With her

Y/N: Ok? why do I care?

Britt: Hes been begging her to go and sing all damn night but she wont.

Y/N: And?

Britt: Don't you get it! Your singing was his favorite thing ever. He always would say he could listen to you for hours. He's trying to replace that part too.

Y/N: Shocker.

Britt: She just got another drink and I think after this one hits her she might actually say yes. come watch this train wreck please!

Y/N: Ughhh FINE I’ll be down in 10.

Britt: Alright. We're at the usual table.

It didn't take long for you to get ready. You didn't plan on staying long so a regular t shirt and pair of jeans was good enough. It was a bar anyways so who cared. The drive was short, thankfully the apartment was close to pretty much everything and you didn't plan on drinking anyways so there was no reason to walk. When you got there she was just starting a song. You hung out by the door not wanting Taylor to see you.

You had to see this.

She wasn't the worst you had ever heard, and being plastered probably was making it even worse than if she was sober, but she wasn't good. Not even close. Most of the people were ignoring her, or trying to.

Britt saw you and waved you over, thankfully Taylor didn't know you were here yet. You sneaked over and sat next to her in the booth. She was trying so hard to laugh quietly.

"I told you this was going to be good," she laughed.

You just nodded and continued to watch her. You looked over and saw the look on his face, it was a mix of disappointment and trying to be supportive. You could tell he missed your singing and wanting this chick to be able to do what you could but you knew that she couldn't. Which made you feel good but also kind of bad for her at the same time.

After she had walked off the stage you stood up and Britt grabbed you arm.

"Where are you going?!"

You just pulled your arm away and walked up to the stage. Mark, the head of the band that played, recognized you and announced that you were here. A few regulars cheered, you had been singing here since you turned 21 and was let in. Singing had been a passion of yours for as long as you could remember. You had sang with your mom when you were little and all throughout school. The bar had been the next stage for you after high school was over with, since you never really wanted to pursue a career in music.

"What song sweetie?" Mark asked you.

"Melissa Etheridge - I'm The Only One"

"Sounds good!" he said and turned to his band to let them know what song to start playing.

You nodded and turned around, looking out into the crowd and saw that Taylor’s mouth was wide open, eyes bulging. He was about to be in even more shock with the song choice you picked if he listened to the lyrics well enough at least. This should be good..

You listened to the intro play waiting for your cue. You took a deep breath and started singing.

"Please baby can't you see my mind's a burnin' hell I got razors a rippin' and tearin' and strippin' my heart apart as well,"

You looked out into the crowd as you sang, looking over at Britt and the rest of the girls who were smiling big, realizing what song this was. By the second verse they had gotten up and started dancing to the music which made you smile. You had yet to look over to see Taylor's face until you sang that one part of the song..

"Go on and hold her till the screaming is gone. Go on believe her when she tells you Nothing's wrong..." You took a deep breath before singing the next line. "But I'm the only one who'll walk across the fire for you And I'm the only one who'll drown in my desire for you. It's only fear that makes you run The demons that you're hiding from when all your promises are gone I'm the only oooooone" you belted out, watching his face. You could tell he was paying attention this time.

You sang the chorus a couple more times with the song before it ended. Everyone in the bar started clapping and you shakily set the mic back into the microphone stand. You smiled and waved at everyone.

Mark walked over to you, placing his hand on your back, noticing that you were a little shaky. He smiled "Wanna do another?"

"No that was good for now. Thanks guys," you smiled and waved to the band. You turned and started walking down the steps, Britt ran over and grabbed your arm to make sure you didn't fall.

"That. Was. Amazing. You saw his face right?!" She whispered as you walked back to their table and you just nodded your head.

You could feel Taylor's eyes on you the whole time that you walked to the table. You chanced a look over at him, seeing that the girl that he was with was getting mad and yelling at him for clearly paying more attention to you than her. He was completely ignoring the fact that she was even there and was just looking at you, his mouth opened a bit and his eyes filled with sadness.

That was the moment when you realized that your mutual friends were right.. He did actually realize that he lost out on the best thing that he ever had.

[lesbiantavie]

my membership expires in like, 3 days and im really sad because i havent had the energy/time to play animal jam. i thought when i got onto break id play it more often, but if im being honest i only lost interest in it. when my mom had surgery i didnt have the time or energy to play it and it just got boring. theres only so much you can do when you dont have any friends who play animal jam or you have trouble making them

im kind of sad because i always find something, get really interested & excited about it, and then... don’t. i always think something is a new special interest but all i can think of is danganronpa danganronpa danganronpa and its fucking horrible. it’s so fucking horrible to be so stuck on one thing. i love monster high, it’s one of my special interests, but theres only so much i can do with a dead series when im waiting forever to be able to collect dolls and not many people make content for it anymore & i never see my monster high mutuals on my dash. i loved barbie over the summer but i didnt have the focus to watch all the movies and i couldnt collect the dolls and i just lost interest. i never managed to finish eah. i love disney, it’s always been one of my special interests and im going to disneyworld this summer. but i dont have the focus to watch the disney movies in a row and i MISS being a kid who loved animal jam and loved disney and had no trouble watching all the movies or playing aj all the time. it always goes back to danganronpa. always. i hate that a lot. i can talk and talk and talk about danganronpa even when i want to be interested in more kid friendly cute stuff but i can’t. 

i dont know what im trying to say. my membership expires on tuesday & i probably wont play again for a while bc if i buy a new membership i will only have like, 2 dollars left and i dont want my mom to pay for it bc she just got surgery. i tried writing a short story about my characters but i lost interest & i cant really get myself to continue it. where would i even publish it anyway? i just fantasized like i used to. 

i dont know what im gonna do with this blog lol. i dont know if i want it on my main account, so i might archive it & move it to a different blog. i really only made it bc i was sick of seeing homophobic animal jam bloggers and i knew i couldnt do it everyday so this was the best alternative. 

im sorry i couldnt be much to yall. ive been really Sad lately so this is definitely an impulse decision but im just probably not gonna post on this blog unless i suddenly like animal jam again. like i said im probably gonna move this blog to another acc to save the url & contents 

i hope yall enjoy animal jam tho <3

[divinedeities44]

Getting to it

I was a couple days old when I was adopted. I don’t really remember details about my childhood. I went to a bunch of private Christian schools with a bunch of people who didnt look or live like me. My adoptive mom is one of those people who does EVERYTHING in the suburbs because its “better”. As I heal my relationship with my mom, and understanding she is the way she is because she never healed from her past, I realized my mom, along with most of our parents, lives in fear. My mom is at the very end of the living in fear spectrum. She is super afraid of situations she makes up in her head. Irrational fears.  She wont get an iphone because she doesnt want to get beat up by teenagers who want to steal it. She didnt want me to buy Kai uggs because someone might steal them. Its great that I can say these things and laugh instead of feeling frustrated. My mom fights for power and control. Shes the first reason I decided to teach myself about human behaviors. My dad was the “fun” parent. But as I began to heal my relationship with my dad, I learned he had bought my love. Dont get me wrong, both of my parents are sweet, sensitive people and I love them. But in order for me to grow, it has been my job to recognize and analyze their behaviors, so that I am able to take a step back and see how those behaviors shaped and molded me, so I could unlearn the toxicity and create space for the greatest version of myself. The most i could tell you about my childhood before i turned into a teen is that I was constantly being placed in a BOX! I was always being told suburbia was better than the ghetto. white was better than black. Jesus is the way.  Whole time we were poor asf and none of the people at those schools I was going to were poor. So I didn’t understand why we were trying so hard to be something we were not, but we also weren’t going to cookouts and listening to lil Jon either. I spent that part of my childhood on 29th and Lehigh. The school bus came and picked me and my brothers up and we drove 2 hours to get to and from school everyday. Because the suburbs. I missed vital parts of being black. I didnt even find out who beyonce was til like 2007. I didnt grow up watching Friday, Belly, Scary movie or snakes on a plane. I grew up listening to gospel music. Yep. The WOW tapes,veggietales & bibleman. If you know, you know. My favorite thing was the Olsen twins, Junie B Jones, lite brites, easy bake ovens, barbie dolls, and art. Art was the only thing that stuck with me into my adult years. 

Im gunna have to insert some trauma here, because the traumas are huge turning points in my life. Be gentle with me, as I am gentle with myself. My mom and dad have been separated basically all of my life. The house I grew up on, on 29th & Lehigh, was my grandmothers house. My grandmother lived in Mt Airy, so we lived in the house in North Philly. Me my brothers and my mom. I belive my mom carried a lot of resentment in her heart for how her life turned out and a lot of that resentment was projected on to us. Me, specifically because I was the only girl. And we all know those mother daughter relationships.. Whew! My mom treated me a lot more cruel than she treated the boys. And I think that is the main reason she is so afraid to meet my biologic family. We had a big scary basement with spiders. My mom knew how scared I was of being down there. She used that as ammunition to gain more power and control over me. The same tactics that were used in slavery. Preying on your fear to make you even more fearful of the oppressor. We’ll talk about that later. My mom would do things like lock me in the basement and laugh at me while I cried, and make me scrub the basement floor with a sponge and when I would kneel down to do it in a squat, she would laugh at me and tell me to get on my hands and knees.  I am in no way telling this part of my story for an emotional response. But we need to acknowledge the dark so we can understand the light. There was another time, when my mom was putting a perm in  my hair and i complained one too many times that it burned so she shaved off all my hair, took all my toys and clothes out to the yard, and told the trashmen not to take it so i could see it everyday. My dad came by to take us to the park a few times a week. I remember having to talk to my dad through the basement window, because I was in trouble for doing some kid shit, so I was locked down there and wasnt allowed to see my dad. As Im writing this, Im realizing that was the moment my dad became the “preferred” parent. It was because he hired someone to clean up my rained on toys and clothes from infront of my home that had been sitting there for weeks. Emotional and psychologic abuse. From as early as 7 or 8, I was in therapy, and taking mental illness pills. Because my mom thought there was something wrong with me because I was just different. I questioned everything. I didnt like church. I wouldnt “obey” the social conditioning. It didnt make any sense to me how I was being raised as a white girl, but i lived on 29th and Lehigh. I wanted to jump rope with the girls down the street and go to the cookouts at Rhodes. I could here ludachris from my bedroom window, but all I could have was Fred Hammond. Talk about pissed off.  I wanted to EXPLORE the world! Not be confined by what my mom deemed as acceptable. As a kid, I certainly could not understand my moms behavior. All I knew was I wanted to get up out of there. I told my dad I wanted to live with him. Shortly after my oldest brother had already went to live with him. This started the family court dates. 

My dad lived on 6th and fairmount. In the backroom of a church called the mission. His childhood friend, who I call Uncle Matt, owned the Mission. The mission did church services, clothing and food drives for the homeless. My dad worked for his friend, cleaning the mission, and in return, he was able to stay in the backroom there. My dad was never a bum. He was a workahlic. He worked at the pennsyvaia hospital more than the years I have been alive. He also worked at the rittenhouse hotel. He was just a guy. My dad has never needed much to be happy and Ive always admied that about him, but in the same breath, he needed to take better care of himself and us. Long story short, it ended up being both my brothers, my dad and myself living in the backroom of the mission. of course once we all left our mom, we were taken out of private school and put in public school. Me and my younger brothers elementary/middle school was RIGHT NEXT DOOR to the mission.

It was the worst time of my life. I didnt grow up having a car in my family, no matter which parent I was with. Septa was your girls best friend! And still is at the moment lol This is why it took me 27 years to even be interested in getting a license! I got my license January 2022. Im still mad proud of that. Generational curses are very real yall. But thats another thing we’ll talk about later. Living in a church, with a boy haircut, in the middle of the hood, was a HUGE culture shock to me. I was bullied by those kids so bad. I wanted to kill myself so many times in those days. I may have even tried once or twice. I was barely 12. Please teach your children to be kind to others. Again. My life is serving as example. 

[foreversimmers]

What if? Sims OC Tag

i was tagged by @simmingwiththetide thank you Ruby!

I picked the one and only Everlie for this ^-^

i’m tagging – @simphonious | @explosionofpixels | @sagapixels | @thatsimslove and anyone else who want to do it!

WHAT

What is your character’s favorite memory?: When she was about eight Everlie had an episode with her epilepsy and Gen let her stay home from school. All the other kids were at school that day and Ianthe had to go to work so it was just the two of them all day. It wasn’t a very special day, but she got to stay in her pjs all day and her and Gen spent most of the day drawing and painting together. They watched a few movies in bed and Gen let her have a few sweets before dinner. And again it wasn’t anything special, but it was just being able to spend the day with her mom and having it just be the two of them that made this particual day stand out for her. But she has a lot of favorite memories in life. 

Who and what would your character give their life for?: Atticus most definitely. If that meant she would be okay then she’d do anything for her. And Jonah. She’dd do anything in her power to make sure that kid was safe and happy. 

What is your character’s greatest fear? Losing Atticus in any way. 

What is your character’s proudest accomplishment?: At the moment it would be getting an interview to her dream art school and hopefully getting accepted! It’s a very prestigious school in New York and the acceptance percentage is very low, and it’s an honor to even be called in for an interview. And when she was a little younger, she got a showcase at the young artist column in an art magazine which was great publicity. 

What is your character’s #1 insecurity?: Her looks and her personality. Or really how she compares to Atticus. She’s so shy and quiet and she’s not entirely adventurous when it comes to making friends and dating and doing things daring unless Attie is forcing her to do those things. And I think she kinda is jealous of Attie’s carefree nature, and the way she just doesn’t care, and Everlie’s problem is that she cares too much, and she doesn’t really like that about herself. She just wants to be more like Attie. 

What will/can break your character completely?: losing someone she cares about like a family member, or Atticus. If one of her parents or her siblings died she wouldn’t be able to handle it. It hurt her pretty bad when her Aunt Anna passed away, and she didn’t remember her a whole bunch. So if it were someone close to her, especially Atticus then she just wouldn’t be able to go on anymore. She can’t really handle death very well. 

What would your character make a scene in public about?: There’s nothing really because she’s far too shy to do anything like that, but I’m sure if it were to happen then Atticus Temple would be involved somehow. 

What can drive your character to do criminal acts?: ^^^ Atticus Temple. It’s not huge things either. Underage drinking, smoking weed, trespassing into the local pool at night, skipping school, fake i.ds that kind of thing, and she hates doing it too but Attie always talks her into it. 

What Pet (mythical or not) would your character want to have?: She loves foxes, so she’d have a whole house out of the cute lil things. Mythical, I think she’d want something like Kirara from Inuyasha 

What is the cutest thing your character has ever done?: She loves to draw portraits of the people she loves and will give them the drawings to keep. She also kind of still sleeps with a stuffed animal her grandfather got her when she was a baby and will talk to it sometimes ;-;

HOW

How does your character feel about sexual intercourse?: At this moment it’s not high on her priority list, and she’s only done it once.

How close is your character with family and friends?: She adores her family. Yess even Lakynn even though they’re not the closest. But she would do anything for her family and always makes sure that they know she loves them. As far as friends go she only has Atticus, and again she’d die for Attie, so she’s a very devoted person when it comes to the people in her life.

How does your character react to pressure?: She works suprisingly well under it and it makes her work harder and faster, and she gets more done.

How religious is your character (if they believe)?: She’s not that religious. She’s curious about it and wouldn’t mind learning and going to church to give it a try, but she’s not sure what she believes right now. Her parents weren’t that religious so she grew up that way.

How does your character’s personality change when someone gets uncomfortably close (relationship wise)?: She gets very tense and anxious and it makes her very awkward whenever it happens, but she’s so shy she wont say anything and will kind of hope that you get the idea and will back off, and it has gotten her into some bad situations before. 

How does your character’s living space correlate with their personality?: Her room is so HER. It’s filled with bright colors and patterns and it’s girly but it’s also laid back. She has band posters and music posters on the wall, along with pictures of her family and friends she has taken with her polaroid, and a lot of her favorite sketches are also on the wall. It’s messy but a controlled messy which is how she likes things. And it’s very dimmed lighted with her fairy lights there to brighten the place up. Her room is one of her favorite places to draw and relax and she wouldn’t change it for anything.

How well does your character act around with unknown and different people?: She shuts down. She’ll stand there and let the person do the talking and will hardly say anything in response, and it’s not to be rude, she hates that she can’t really talk to someone, it’s just so uncomfortable for her it fills her with anxiety.

How much does your character value money?: She’s learned to respect money. She’s seen people at school who are well off and are unhappy and not friendly because of it, and she knows it doesn’t buy happiness. And while her family isn’t poor they can’t buy everything they want and they have struggled in the past with it due to medical bills and all that with her health issues, so she respects money and she thinks that you earn it by working hard, and you shouldn’t let it change you, and you should still be nice and welcoming to everyone despite financial situations.

How would this character cope with losing someone extremely close to them? Kinda explained it up above, but she would not handle it well. She doesn’t handle death well anyway, so if she lost a parent or a sibling, or Attie it wold kill her inside too and she would just not be able to cope.

How long does it take for your character to trust others? She’s too trusting of everyone, that’s one of her biggest problems. She’s so naive she thinks the best of everyone.

SCENARIOS

If your character could change one thing about themselves, what would they want to change?: She wishes she wasn’t so shy and she could be more like Atticus in the way that she doesn’t care what people think. She also wished she looked different, and was ‘prettier’. 

If your character could go back in time at any point in their life, what would they do to change the present?: She would go back to when she witnessed Attie’s father beating her, and didn’t step in. She would have stopped him or called the police or something. That haunts her all the time.

If your character was given a chance at fulfilling their dream, can they drop everything they have now to go pursue it?: That’s kind of what she’s doing right now!! She’s dropping everything to go off to New York for the art program and if it all goes to plan she’ll be moving there in the fall!

If your character’s current spouse or partner cheated, would they try to make it work or leave forever?: Welllllllll Atticus is the closest thing she has to a partner, even though they’re not, and wellllll Attie is Attie so she sleeps around a lot, even after things changed between her and Ev, and Everlie knows this, and she’s still trying to make things work. It’s a very complicated relationship. 

If a zombie apocalypse begun in the town your character currently lives in, what would they act like?: She would freak out and wouldn’t know what to do. She’d look to her parents for help. But I don’t think she’d make it very long in this situation because of all her health problems

What if your character suddenly woke up to an unfamiliar place, and realize the life they lived was all a dream. Their family, friends, home.. all gone but still crazily vivid in their head. How would they react?: She would probably just sob and just wouldn’t know how to cope. Sh’d miss her parents and her siblings and Attie more than anything, and just cry a lot of tears.

If your character was thrown in jail, what would they be guilty of?: Probably something Attie put her up to like skinny dipping or stealing a road sign or something

Rewind 10 years from now, what is your character currently doing?: She’d be 7 uhh so she’d probably be playing with Barbies and watching cartoons with Attie and being adorable  

Your character is in the movie SAW, facing their worst fear. What is that fear, and how does he/she react?: Her biggest fear is drowning and she dreams about it A LOT and also being buried alive and she has so survival instincts or skills so she would not know how to get out of it so she’d probably cry and have an asthma attack.

We regret to inform you that your character is dead. Where do they end up? Heaven? Hell? And how the heck do they react?: Uhhh she can’t die okay because she’s my favorite and I wont allow it. But this is tough...right now if she die at 17 then yeah Heaven and she’d be bummed because of all the things she’s missed out on. If she died in say 4 years....Hell. Below hell. Bad bad bad things and she’d be excited to finally end life. Say 7ish years....heaven again because god would finally give her a break ,and she’d be upset to go again (maybe). It all just depends. But she’s not dying okay?