#i wonder if the amount of pain i feel is so abnormal

[cyberfemboyfungusprince]

I hate having chronic migraines, today I woke up having shivers, so much pain irradiating to the back of my neck, together with seasickness and a feeling of panic. There's a spike in COVID cases where I live so I was scared and thought it might be a fever well guess what it wasn't. Every time I think "well maybe it's not migraines this time this is too much this is different" well guess what it's always my migraines, I take my medicine and it relieves some if not most of the pain. I cannot believe to this day I still question it. At this point I'll someday start bleeding from every hole in my body and just assume it's migraines because of the absolute range of discomforts I have found out are due to it.

[spootsaline]

~merry christmas to me, my birth control stopped working~

[changetyre]

How long? II Lando Norris X Reader ⓈⒾ

SUMMARY: Finding your soulmate doesn't always include a happy ending.

WARNINGS: Angst Angst Angst with a sprinkle of fluff. Sickness, death.

A/N: This is a story I wrote a while ago for Wattpad and which I always loved but reading it back now there's been things I've wanted to adjust which is what I chose to do here ;)

Lando POV II 

"Tell me about her," she asked me passing me back our photo. 

I looked at it, my thumb grazing over her in the picture I kept in my wallet.

_____

Y/N POV II 

Lando and I've been together ever since I can remember. We met when we were only toddlers and became inseparable ever since. We both knew in our hearts how much we meant to each other, we knew that we couldn't live without each other. However, another part of us, and everyone around us, told us there would come a point where we'd meet other people.

And we did meet other people, in fact when I went to college and Lando joined F1 we both decided to try to date others and it was the most miserable time in both our lives. Which only reinforced our feelings, we were irrevocably in love.

We were aware that we were a very cheesy couple, the kind of people who just didn't care when people were around us and loved to show our love for one another no matter the time and/or place. We were the kind of couple to gift each other little things and have dinner dates every week. Land never failed to bring me flowers every weekend since we started dating.

Life felt like a dream when we were around each other, we literally felt like we were in the clouds, floating in our own bubble of love. But it didn't take long before it burst. 

Given the amount of time Lando and I had spent together we had discussed anything you could possibly imagine and despite some thinking this was a horrible and selfish thought, when Lando and I talked about losing one another, we always thought he would go first...simply because of his job.

What Lando didn't know though was that every night and every time Lando went on track I would pray, pray for his safety, pray for his health, pray that if one of us had to go...for it to be me...because I could simply not live a life without him...the single thought made me choke up. 

'Be careful what you wish for.'

One year ago I was diagnosed with Breast cancer. For some reason the news didn't come to me as much of a shock as I thought, it was like something in my mind and body had expected this, had somehow mentally prepared me for it. On the other hand, I could tell how much this devastated Lando, so much he'd set his mind on quitting F1 to care for me which I had to practically force him not to. 

We had caught it early on and I only needed a few weeks of chemotherapy. Luckily the news came at the end of Lando's season, he would be home and he wouldn't get distracted on track.

Chemo was worse than anyone had ever described to me, it felt like I'd been completely stripped away from my own body and I was miserable but I knew I had to get through it, I tried to keep a smile all the way through it, for Lando, but I knew he could see right through me and he had as many sleepless nights as I did through it all.

Finally the last week of Chemo, everything was better. Lando was certainly brighter than before although I could tell he was still worried, I could see it in his eyes. Every time I'd say I was tired, huff, breath abnormally, or complain about any sort of pain I could tell Lando's heart skipped a beat.

It annoyed me at first because he constantly hovered, but I never said anything and eventually, I understood. I knew that if I was in his shoes I'd be exactly the same and now I found myself wondering whether I'd wished for the right position to be in because even though I was in pain physically...Lando was in pain too, even more than I was...and it broke my heart to see him go through it.

Now I wanted the season to start more than ever so Lando could put his focus and worry somewhere else other than me, and even though I worried that he might have an accident because of all this distraction I knew how much he adored driving and it was what he needed. 

The start of the season went well, not as good as we expected but it was good enough and the boys still had the rest of the season left.

I was with Lando in Monaco for the race, I was so excited about having him race here in Monaco since we'd recently bought our apartment here and we hadn't been able to enjoy it because of my treatments. 

It seemed like things were finally getting back to normal, Lando and I were floating back up in the clouds again and we were finally finding our rhythm again...it was almost too good to be true. 

I was home making dinner for Lando and me, he'd texted he was almost home and I'd decided to make some food for us. The whole day I'd noticed I was particularly exhausted and I kept running out of breath doing simple things. I had just set the table when all of a sudden it felt like my lungs had disappeared.

I dropped to the ground in pain gasping with all my power for some air. I thought I was going to die right there and then all until I heard the door open.

"Y/N!" I heard Lando's panicked scream. "LOVE!"

He pulled me up and turned me towards him, I clutched my chest. "I can't breathe." I wheezed.

"SOMEONE HELP ME!" He screamed out.

And eventually, for me, everything went black.

__

I woke up on an all too familiar surface. I was in a hospital bed, all sorts of tubes and needles attached to me. I looked for Lando and saw he was outside talking to the doctor, I could see him through the window.

Lando was facing my way while the doctor's back was towards me. I could tell it was a serious conversation and as much as I tried to deny it I knew what was happening. The cancer was back...and this time it wasn't going away.

I saw the anger and pain in Lando's eyes as the doctor spoke to him, he argued. I imagined he kept asking for a solution that simply didn't exist. Lando held his tears in all until he locked eyes with me. I gave him a look letting him know it was okay, I knew and that was enough for him to break down.

The doctor simply patted his shoulder before walking away. Lando walked to the room wiping his tears away as best as he could. Once he came in I could tell he didn't know what to say.

"It's back-" he spoke in barely above a whisper. 

"I know baby." I opened my arms for him and he broke down in tears again. I cried with him, not because of my pain but because of his.

"How long?" I asked him after a few minutes.

Lando kept his head buried in my chest but I could feel him shaking his head.

"Baby how long?" I repeated the question.

His head finally rose up, his eyes were swollen and the tears just kept coming. "They're not sure, he says it could be 6 months or a week." Lando's voice broke at the last words before he buried his face in my chest once more except this time he wrapped his arms around me holding me tightly as if I could slip away at any second.

"I love you..." he wept "I'm so sorry." these last words shattered me.

"I'm sorry too...I love you." I whispered to him as I kissed the top of his head.

"Baby I'm scared-" he whispered into my chest. 

I didn't exactly know how to comfort him, I let Lando cry it out as much as he needed to while I tried to remain strong, I found myself pondering over how I felt, I wasn't scared but I was in pain, and I was so miserable for leaving Lando like this, we definitely didn't have enough time together.

___

The next morning once Lando had come back into my room with a cup of coffee I decided it was time to talk about the next step. I knew deep down Lando still wanted to push for a cure that simply didn't exist but I also knew I didn't want to spend another second stuck in these hideous grey walls.

"Baby I want to get out here," I spoke. I was prepared for a discussion.

Lando simply looked down and gave a shaky sigh. "I know...and I'll get you out." his lip quivered and I could see tears brimming up in his eyes again.

"You're not going to ask me to stay?" I needed confirmation.

Lando got up and walked over to me, he scooted me over and sat down on the bed. "The day I met you-" he took a deep breath trying to keep himself together. "I made a promise to myself that I would do everything in my power to make you happy no matter what-" a tear slipped down his cheek. "I hope you know that if it was possible I'd take your place right now because seeing you like this..." another tear fell down his cheek. "it's been hell." I placed my hand on his cheek caressing it, I was crying too. "But I know you better than anyone and I know that you're not the kind of person to go out in a hospital room and I know you want to do as much as you can before you-" he stopped himself and his breath hitched. He couldn't say it.

"You're right." I quickly said not wanting him to finish because I could tell how hard it was for him. "I want to spend every second I have left with you, with the people I love, out of here." His lip quivered again as more tears left his eyes.

"Let's go then." Lando got back up starting to pack my things.

The news spread through the F1 world fairly quickly and I was flooded with pitiful messages all over my social media. Lando's friends from work who I'd grown close to didn't know what to say when I showed up in the paddock with them for the Monaco GP. Most of them simply gave me glances that spoke a thousand words.

Carlos, Alex, George, and Charles had all been incapable of holding their tears back as they saw me, giving me a hug that only existed for these situations.

After the Monaco GP, Lando and I found ourselves going to our favorite spots within Monaco, I was tired, so tired and I could feel death inching closer every day but I held on, I held on because...I knew he wasn't ready...I wasn't ready.

One morning I woke up to find Lando had planned a whole day for us and it all started at home. I'd walked to the living room to find Lando had prepared a very scrumptious breakfast. And he'd decorated our balcony with roses and candles.

We walked to it and there Lando got down on one knee, pulling out a small black box, which he opened to reveal a ring. My hands flew up to my mouth, I had always dreamed of this day but certainly not like this.

"My dearest y/n, I've imagined this very day over a thousand times in my head and I've come up with hundreds of speeches for this very occasion but it seems none of them would work for what we're going through now." His voice broke. "You have been the first and only woman in my life I have ever loved, you have been my best friend since day one, you've been my rock, my world, my everything and I simply do not want to spend another day not being able to call you my wife...so y/n, my love will you marry me?" I could tell he sped up the last bit to hold his tears back.

"Yes." I let him slip the ring on my finger before he rose up and we engulfed each other in a deep kiss.

"Propose...check" he pretended to hold a list and checked off the first point making me laugh.

"So what's next my fiancé," I asked him.

"Well, why don't we get going and I'll show you...my fiancé." he gave me another kiss.

Lando took me shopping for a bit before he drove us both back home. I'd noticed something else had been set up and once I walked into our room I found a wedding dress hanging in our closet. I gasped admiring the dress, it was simple but beautiful.

"Pietra helped me pick it out for you, we tried getting a more over-the-top one but apparently you can't just buy dresses like that overnight." he shrugged.

"It's beautiful." you admired the dress.

"Well you better get dressed, and I'll do the same. I'm going to get dressed somewhere else and when the time comes your driver will be here." he winked.

"Wait what?" I was confused.

"Just be ready in 2 hours...I love you." he gave me a quick peck on the lips before walking out. I got dressed and ready as best as I could with the time I had left, I did a simple hairstyle, partly because I was never good at doing my hair and partly because I barely had the strength to keep my arms up for longer than 3 seconds. 

20 minutes before the 2 hours were up I heard a knock at the door. I opened it and Pietra, Alexandra, Lily, and Carmen were all standing there in matching dresses. You looked at them confused but on the brink of tears because of how beautiful they looked.  "Did I die already?" I joked, and they laughed but I could tell the thought pained them. 

"You look beautiful." P had to pat her eyes as she looked at me. I had naturally grown closest to her because of the brotherhood between Max and Lando. 

"Thank you for doing this?" I had to hold my tears back too. 

"Let's go." Alex and Lily extended their hands out for me and I took them walking out with them. We walked downstairs and Carlos was waiting in an Aston Martin DB6 Volante, that had been decorated with white flowers. 

We arrive at the beach to find it prepared for a ceremony, all of Lando's friends from the paddock and his friends from Quadrant were there, as well as both our parents. I just about started crying there and then. 

I got out of the car and Carlos stood there offering me his arm guiding me to one end of the carpet that had been rolled out. I saw Lando at the other end and tears quickly brimmed my eyes. As soon as he laid eyes on me it didn't take him half a second before he started crying too, Max Fewtrell quickly stepped in to hand him a handkerchief even though he was shedding a few tears too.

Without You by Harry Nilson started playing, and it was enough for me to let my tears run free. Carmen handed me a bouquet of roses and I began walking down the aisle, and for some reason, all my strength seemed to leave me right there and then. 

I stumbled causing everyone to try to jump forward to grab me, My mom caught me, I could see the concern and the pain in her eyes but she also understood I needed to keep going. She wrapped her arm around my waist and helped me down the aisle. 

And now it's only fair that I should let you know what you should know...I can't live, if living is without you...I can't live, I can't give anymore. 

The song reached this part just as I reached him, he wrapped his arms around me, letting his forehead rest on mine. 

"You look beautiful." he sniffled. 

I placed my hand on his cheek before placing a gentle kiss to his forehead. "Let's get married," I whispered to him. 

The ceremony was short, Lando had wanted to arrive at the vows quickly and once we did he pulled out a sheet of paper, a tear was already rolling down his cheek. 

"My best friend, my rock, my first love, my only love, my life, my world, my everything, these words don't come remotely close to describing what you are to me. I hope you know I consider myself the luckiest man on earth to have met you, to have loved you, to have cared for you, and to have married you-" he chocked up. "But although I thought it was impossible...as much as I feel the luckiest man...I feel the unluckiest too." he looked up to meet my eyes completely distraught. "It's unfair the world is taking you away from me when our love story has only just begun, all the dreams, all the plans, all the promises I have yet to fulfill to you will stay here while you will go." he gulped down, he had a knot in his throat. "I will cherish, love, and protect you for the rest of the time we have left together, I will continue bringing you flowers every weekend, I'll wake you up with kisses in the morning, I'll make you smile and laugh every day, and most importantly I will, with all my power, do my best to keep you happy." he finished. 

I leaned forward giving him a long kiss on the cheek, now it was my turn and since this was all unexpected I hadn't prepared anything but already had enough to say. 

"My Lando...you have made me the happiest woman on earth since the day I met you. You are the most loyal, hardworking, loving, fun man I have ever known and I consider myself the luckiest woman on earth to have fallen in love with you. And the luckiest woman for you will be the first, last, and only man I will ever love." Lando's lips quivered as I said those words, a sob escaping his lips. "I will forever be sorry that we didn't get more time together, that I couldn't give you what we had so long hoped for, a life, kids, to grow old together." I cleared my throat having to compose myself. "I wish there was more I could do to keep you happy in the time I have left my darling, I can't promise you much, but I promise that I will love you with every fiber of my body and soul until my last breath." I ended. 

We were pronounced husband and wife and Lando pulled me in for a long deep kiss, mixed with both our tears. 

It was the most perfect day of my life, surrounded by so much love from our families and friends, surrounded by so much happiness. Once the moon was out and the tide started rising things started getting packed up but Lando and I decided to take a walk along the beach. 

We walked in silence, simply appreciating and cherishing each other's company. Once we were nearing the end of the beach I had to speak about what was on my mind. 

"Lando." I started. 

"No." he immediately replied. 

"Baby-" I was going to keep going. 

"I know what you're going to say and you can't ask me that-" he spoke softly but I could hear the anger and hurt in his voice. 

"Lando listen to me please-" I stopped making Lando turn to me. He looked down and he was crying silent tears. "After I'm gone I need you to promise me you will keep going no matter how hard or painful it is...I want you to give your career 1000% percent like you always have...and someday whenever you're ready I want you to find someone who will make you happy, who will take care of you, who you will fall in love with and start a family with-" I spoke clearly, this was a thought I'd head since the first time I'd found out I was sick. 

"No, I can't." He replied sniffling. 

"Yes you can and you will," I assured him. 

"How will I ever love someone as I love you..." he locked eyes with me. 

"I'm not asking you to love someone as you love me. But you will learn to love again, I just want you to promise you will not shut yourself out, you need to keep going...for me." I walked up to him, wrapping my arms around his neck, with one hand I wiped the tears from under his eyes. 

He looked at me unsure and simply nodded, I knew he didn't mean it right now but it was as much reassurance as I would get from him for now. 

"I'll never find anyone like you." He spoke once we'd started walking back. 

"Maybe not, but you will find someone, there's plenty of women out there Lando, amazing, beautiful, incredibly talented women and I'm sure there's someone else for you." the mood had livened up a little bit. 

____

LANDO POV II 

The next morning I woke up...she didn't. She'd passed in her sleep, in my arms. A smile was still on her lips. I knew she was gone but I still tried to wake her, I still needed her to wake up.

I was inconsolable for months after her death, and my friends and my family had to help me back to my feet. Literally, because it was as though all my strength, all my will to live had died with her that day.

"She made me promise her that I would find someone else, that I'd fall in love again." I stifled a laugh remembering our walk at the beach. 

"She sounds like an amazing woman." She commented. She had a very genuine smile. 

"She was...I never met anyone like her." I sighed, that ache in my heart was still very present but bearable now.

_____________

Bonus A/N: 

If it serves as any consolation I cried my eyes out writing this story. . 

[queen-dahlia]

𝐀𝐝𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐭 𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐦

"𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘁 𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁𝘆 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘆𝗲𝗮𝗿"

not proofread

Note: Translation is not 100% accurate. Expect grammatical errors.

// : alternate translation

The final dinner of the year finally came to a close.

The main character is a gluttonous prince.

The dinner party, which began in the kitchen in the morning with an extraordinary amount of food, was a success,

Before we even get to the main course, there's a disconcerting turn of events一

Gilbert: "I'm hungry."

Clavis: "Lord Gilbert, what were you doing a few seconds ago?"

Gilbert: "I was eating the food that the little bunny had cooked for me."

Clavis: "And?"

Gilbert: "I'm hungry."

Licht: "It's abnormal."

Clavis: "It must have been absorbed into another space, not the stomach. Next time I'll refer you to a good doctor."

Gilbert: "Thanks for your concern."

Gilbert: "Waiter, bring me more food."

Licht: "It's impossible."

Clavis: "Emma is not a superhuman. She's working hard to finish a dish for you."

Gilbert: "You don't have to elaborate that much, though."

Gilbert: "In general, it's a terrible miscalculation not to have the little bunny at the dinner party."

Clavis: "You have us instead."

Gilbert: "Do you really think you can take the place of the little bunny?"

Licht: "I'm... offended by the way you said that."

Clavis: "Well, well, well. I'm just the entertainment guy for when the guests are bored. You're up, Yves, Luke."

Yves: "We've been playing this for a while now!?"

Luke: "Don't you hear the violin and the harpsichord? Listen."

Gilbert: "Thank you for your wonderful performance, but I got bored."

Yves & Luke: "Can I go back now?" | "Can I go now?"

Clavis: "Wait a minute, boys, it's not fair to expect Emma to take on this beast by herself..."

Clavis: "Besides, I've already set up traps to prevent you from escaping from this room."

Clavis: "If that's okay with you, you can go back. Hahaha!"

Luke: "Screw you."

Clavis: "But I am at a loss. Lord Gilbert seems to want other pleasures."

Clavis: "I have no choice. I guess this is my moment to show off."

Gilbert: "Oh, yeah!"

Clavis: "Can you at least hear me out?"

Gilbert: "I've got a good idea."

Luke: "I don’t think there’s any proof that your good ideas were good things." **

Yves: "Lord Gilbert, where are you going?"

Gilbert: "Of course, I'll go to the little bunny."

══════════════════

Emma: "一So, what brings you all to the kitchen?"

Emma: "And as for Prince Gilbert, he had a knife and fork in his hand."

Licht: "I don't suppose you're going to... eat every last bit of the finished product?"

Gilbert: "Correct."

Licht: "That's gruesome." // "That's pungent." **

Gilbert: "If we eat here, the waiters won't have to carry the food, and you can watch the little bunny, right?"

Gilbert: "It's good for everyone."

Yves: "The pressure on Emma is not half as great as it should be..."

Gilbert: "I'm surprised so many of them haven't been brought in yet."

Emma: "It's not ready yet! All the seasoning and decorations are incomplete一"

Gilbert: "Well, I'll have some."

Emma: "Aaaahh!? Seriously, Prince Gilbert, don't eat it!"

Clavis: "It's not good. If the Appetite Monster comes into its own, all the food and ingredients in this place will be lost."

Emma: "Please, please stop!"

Licht: "I get it."

Yves: "Whoaaaaah! Licht, don't pull out your sword! Your big brother won't allow you to stop him like that!"

Luke: "Then I'll hit him一"

Yves: "Are you crazy? We're dealing with a prince of a great nation! There's going to be a war!"

Clavis: "Well, then, I guess my一"

Emma: "Please don't do that!"

Clavis: "… Why can't people just let me say it all?"

Gilbert: "Mmm... it's delicious."

Emma: "Prince Gilbert... that's not… in good taste."

Emma: "... I've made it this far, but it's terrible."

Yves: "Emma... I know how you feel. The pain of having a delicious meal ruined in the process..."

Yves: "I get screwed over by Jin and Leon from time to time, so I know what it's like."

Licht: "… That's right."

Luke: "To see Emma so devastated and you keep eating, that's not human behavior."

Clavis: "He's a monster."

Luke: "… All right, Clavis, Licht. Gather all the ingredients in the kitchen."

Licht: "Why?"

Luke: "While you stall for time with the ingredients, Yves and I will help Emma finish up."

Luke: "Otherwise, Emma will go through the year with a lot of regret."

Emma: "Luke…"

Yves: "I agree. It's too early to give up!"

Licht: "Understood. Let’s do it, Clavis."

Clavis: "I agree. We need to get rid of the monster and bring in a happy new year for everyone."

Luke: "Hey, I brought you some food."

Luke: "You should be thankful that I put a bear and honey on the base that Emma was building." // "You should be grateful that I put the bear and the honeycomb on the foundation that Emma was building."

Gilbert: "Yes, yes, thank you."

Clavis: "Phew, I got one for you too."

Yves: "Hey, isn't Clavis in charge of the ingredients?"

Clavis: "I'm not going to be able to do everything I'm capable of if I'm just carrying food."

Clavis: "So I decided to switch to helping Emma in the middle of the process."

Licht: "… Unnecessary." **

Clavis: "Look at this adorable tiger, Emma was working on it, and I finished it?" // "Look at this adorable tiger! I finished what Emma was partially working on?"

Emma: "Ah! When did you...?"

Yves: "Is there something hanging out of that tiger's mouth?"

Clavis: "It's a delicious sauce."

Licht: "What's that stuck in its head?"

Clavis: "It's just a decoration."

Licht: "… With a high murderous intent…"

Gilbert: "Leave it for me, I'll eat it later."

Yves: "… I honestly respect Lord Gilbert for not being intimidated by the food arranged by Clavis."

Gilbert: "And by the way, little bunny, you really are a genius."

Gilbert: "The food here is good, and it's cute."

Gilbert: "Hey, how would you like to be my personal chef? I'll give you a great deal at Obsidian."

Emma: "I am honored, but I must decline."

Gilbert: "Too bad."

Gilbert: "It looks like I failed to recruit you, so let's have this little rabbit here heal me."

Emma: "Eh."

Gilbert: "Sugar Candy Story."

Luke: "It's confusing."

Gilbert: "Hehe… This little rabbit looks delicious."

Gilbert: "I'll taste every bit of it, chew it up so it won't go anywhere, and keep it in my stomach to cherish for a long time一"

Luke: "… Don't say anything meaningful. Emma's pulling back." // "… Don't say anything meaningful. I think Emma is the one who pulled it off."

Emma: "I'm not pulling away. It just hurts to imagine…"

Clavis: "Lord Gilbert, this tiger cake is delicious, too. Come on, it's time for cannibalism."

the cake with spicy sauce

Yves: "… Clavis wants to feed you whatever he wants."

Licht: "I don't care if Lord Gilbert eats it."

Gilbert: "By the way, I like it spicy and sweet."

Clavis: "What…"

Gilbert: "I'll taste it for you."

Emma: "Ah!"

Luke: "What's up?"

Emma: "Now... Now all the dishes are done!"

Luke: "Oh, you did great, Emma."

Licht: "Somehow we managed to stop the monster."

Yves: "Licht, you're dealing with a guest of honor, right?"

Clavis: "Then we'll carry it out of the kitchen."

Gilbert: "Well, I don't mind if I stay."

Luke: "It's only natural that you respect the food Emma made."

Luke: "It's not something you can eat in the kitchen."

Luke: "You move, or I'll carry you. Or do you want me to carry you?"

Gilbert: "… I used to be the one carrying you."

Luke: "Shut up." // "It’s so noisy."

Gilbert: "Luke has a point. Fine, I'll take you back to the venue."

Emma: "… Hehe."

Yves: "What's wrong?"

Emma: "I thought it would be more fun to do the preparation together than to do it alone."

Clavis: "Haha, of course. Good thing you sent me a distress signal early, huh?"

Emma: "That's not the only thing."

Clavis: "Oops, that smile is so sweet..."

Gilbert: "If the little bunny laughed like that, then I guess I was right to get into the kitchen." // "If the little bunny smiled, then I made the right decision to get into the kitchen."

Luke: "… You're just talking about consequences, aren't you?"

Licht: "The dinner is just the beginning."

Emma: "I agree."

Emma: "Let's end this year with a smile!"

[cognitivelypartiallyfurnished]

Tsukishima x mean!reader

-after Timeskip

If we can be completely honest for a second, Tsukkis gf could probably be as mean as he is and normaly he likes it that way, but what if a certain friend urged him to take a closer look...

Dont mind me, after writing this i want to recharge by taking a bath with my toaster...

warnings: teethshattering fluff, established relationship, implied smut ig and emotional unavailability, reader is a girl

Tsukishima x mean!y/n

For the past two weeks Tsukishima found himself staring at you while you were talking to some of your friends. He couldn’t help but notice the weird feeling in his stomach again, that seemed to remind him ever since that there was something he needed to talk with you about.

It all started when was hanging out with Kuroo, Bokuto and Akaashi on a weekend. They were all just spread all over the couch at his apartment. Everybody’s eyes were fixed on the television screen until his phone rang. Unfortunately, his phone was lying on the coffee table so he wasn’t able to grab it fast enough and when Bokuto took one glance on who the caller was he quickly snatched his phone with a smile. “Oya y/n-chan! How are you?” he howled into the speaker. Suddenly nobody really focused what was on the screen but rather on the caller. “Hey Bokuto, I´m fine, how about you? I´m sorry for disturbing your movie night, I totally forgot you guys were hanging out today!” came the response of Tsukishimas girlfriend. Bokuto tried to reply but the phone was grabbed by his blonde friend, who as soon as he noticed your voice tried to gain control of his phone again. “Hey, something up or are you just bored because I´m not with you?” he interfered the conversation with Bokuto before it even started. “Hey grumpy, in a good mood this evening? Its just the opposite, since you are finally busy, I can go out with some friends. Won’t be back till morning, just wanted to let you know in case you need help getting in bed like last weekend.” He didn’t have to see your face to know that you had a grin all over your face right now. Tsukishima furrowed his brow before replying “Don’t worry if you’re not here I don’t have to drink abnormal amounts of alcohol to forget your pain in the ass. Don’t be back till noon.” You giggled while announcing “Fuck you then, see you tomorrow dumbass. Try to stay in bed this time, will yah?” With a frown he replied, completely aware of his friends following the conversation eagerly “Only if you do it, what else is my girlfriend good for. Bring something to eat tomorrow and fuck you too.” As quick as possible he ended the call afraid of you mentioning his ungraceful fall out of bed last weekend for the third time. He was drunk and his senses weren’t exactly focused on the bed but rather on the girl that lied next to him. Taking of his glasses and pinching his nose bridge with his fingers he sighed. “I have never seen somebody more in love” Akaashi stated, his voice dripping in sarcasm. Tsukishima was confused, what was he playing at? But when Kurro asked “Are you guys always talking like that?” he started to think. Sure, in the beginning of your relationship it was a bit tampered down but you both were people who mastered the art of verbal bickering. After all it was one of the reasons he liked you so much. He shrugged and observed “I guess that’s just how we talk. I know that she doesn’t mean half the things she’s saying, and I guess she does the same with my remarks.” Kuroo took him in before commenting “Well ever since I’ve known you it was clear that you wouldn’t fall for someone sweet and innocent. I guess you finally found your match regarding the snarkiness. I can’t help but wonder if you guys talk like that all the time? Don’t you ever speak nicely with each other? And I never took y/n for someone to be that snarky around others? But maybe I´m reading too much into it, it’s your relationship after all. Let’s continue with the movie, I want to see this monster of a man again”. However, for the rest of the movie Tsukishima was lost in thought rather than in a cinematic universe.

Ever since this evening he was observing how you were acting with your friends and how your conversations were filled. He was in the final stages of his master thesis, but it itched him to gain knowledge on his relationship with you. After two weeks of doing so he came to the realization, that kuroo was a master of observing and he was right about Tsukishimas relationship. When you were with your friends there was a soft smile on your face, your voice a constant sound and even your posture seemed to be a bit more laid back than when he was with you. The blonde was aware of his quirks, especially expressing his emotions. He simply couldn’t help himself; he actually had no idea when it started and how he could try to have nicer or simply softer conversations with you. And then there even was something close to fear, he thought, what if after those roughly two and a half years you didn’t like him anymore? Sure, you cared for him but maybe you had fallen out of love with him and only wanted to remain friends? That was something he wouldn’t be able to do, he loved you too much for this, at least that he was sure of. The only idea he had was calling the person who had dealt with his snarky demeanor for the longest time and Akiteru was as happy as he wasn’t in a long time to be called by his brother and even asked for advice regarding his emotions. They sure had a lot to talk about this night.

For a bit more than a week your boyfriend was behaving very awkwardly you thought. It started when he kept staring at you having conversations with your friends even though he was supposed to work on his thesis to finish off his university career. When the staring stopped you heard and saw even less of him and after a week of very little contact and only half sided answers, you decided to contact him to explain this mess. Taking out your phone and texting him Hey smartass, I feel like we need to have a talk. Can we meet up or are you going to ignore me? you felt dizzy in your head.

After a few minutes, which you’ve spent in half agony, half hope his answer appeared on your phone: I agree, we need to talk, do you want to come over at my place Friday afternoon? Or do you want to meet on neutral ground?

You felt your heart sinking in your chest while reading his message, was he going to break up with you? Why was he proposing a neutral ground? Maybe you were too mean for him, maybe he needed somebody nicer? Or were you too clingy, too annoying or were you holding him back from reaching his potential? Despite feeling sick in your stomach, you agreed to meet him at his apartment.

Hearing the knock on his door he was startled. Closing his eyes, he had to remind himself that it was just you, you’ve been together for so long but he couldn’t help himself being slightly anxious, just like the first date you had or the first time you kissed. Tsukishima supposed, this was a first as well but this one he wanted to get over with. Opening the door he found himself astounded again, he had scarcely seen you the past days and now he was questioning himself why he prohibited himself from looking at you for such a long time. As usual he wasn’t quite able to point to what it was that kept him from looking elsewhere almost every time you where in his periphery. After more than two years he was aware, that your looks were slightly above average, so far he could tell objectively. But when he fully looked at you, he saw so much more than a slightly average girl. Somehow to him you looked harmonic, every tiny aspect of you fitted you so well in this whole picture of you that he was sure to be able to believe in a god if he told him that you where the gods eternal masterpiece. And then there was the feeling of home that settled between his shoulder blades each time he looked at you, he could practically feel your face on his back as he was making your morning tea and you were hugging him from behind. He had often wondered how on earth he was able to have all those thoughts, but he knew he’d never be able to speak them out loud.   

“Can I come in or do you want to watch me freeze to death in front of your doorstep?” you implied. It took almost all his restriction to not answer in his usual sarcastic demeanor. He stepped aside and you entered his small hallway almost immediately. Now you two were standing close together but you still felt like there was a big distance between you. This time he started speaking “Do you want some tea before your limbs freeze off?” You simply nodded and followed him into the small kitchen, the place where you two had cooked countless times together, shared so many laughters and had your deepest (and also drunkest) conversations. Now you understood why he had proposed a neutral meeting ground, this place breathed your shared memories. Unable to understand why you were thinking dramatic thoughts like that when you literally had last been here the weekend before you gratefully took the cup with your favourite tea from his hands, the slight touch of your fingers sending shivers like the first time you kissed down your forearms and back.

“Can I start? I think its best if we get this over with and before you say anything I want to tell you something, okay?” Seeing your big ass boyfriend mumbling you looked at him curiously, the voice of him not being snarky was rare to you. Afraid of disturbing the intimate and cozy atmosphere of the apartment in comparison to this cold and grey afternoon, you only whispered “okay”. While he seemed to gather his thoughts you were looking around. There was a reason you came over to his place more often than Tsukishima found himself at your place. His place was smaller but much more comfortable, he seemed to even have lit some candles you brought over on the small table in the kitchen. A strange feeling in your chest seemed to compress your heart, unsure of what was to come next you tried to take some last steady breaths. When Tsukishima started speaking, you looked him in the eyes, always lost in this weird shade of brown.

“okay…you are probably the only person…no who am I kidding… but you are the person who knows best how bad I am with emotions. However, there is something important I want to talk with you about. So, I guess unconsciously I was aware of this but what can I say, I’m good at ignoring my unconsciousness. When you called two weekends or so ago and were talking to Bokuto, you remember? Uhm, Kuroo mentioned something afterwards and I had to think about it ever since. I don’t think I´ll ever know a good way to say this so I’m just going to put it here: I think I don’t like the way we speak with each other anymore. Well, actually I’m sure I don’t like it. Most of the time I do, its just that I can’t help but wonder why we snark at each other all the time. Like when you talk to your friends you just seem so much nicer, I can’t help but think that its me who keeps you from being nice to me. I love your bickering, it turns me on so bad and makes me feel like I’m not the only sarcastic asshole but I think I also want to share nice moments with you. I don’t want to only have your mean side even though I know that you don’t mean the things you’re saying most of the time, I sure as hell don’t but I want to have all sides of you. I want to learn to have nice, normal conversations with you. I know that its not your fault or my fault alone, we both have to pull ourselves together for it, but I really want to. And now I’ve said all this and don’t even know if you still want to be my girlfriend, so if you don’t, please pretend I never said anything.” The breath he took when he was done was one of the loudest he’d ever taken, even in one of his volleyball games he scarcely was as out of breath as he was now. “Can we sit? Then its my turn to say something okay?” you proposed, suddenly aware of your trembling legs. Now you two were sitting across from each other, you gripping your cup of tea like your life depended on it and him doing his usual finger-fidgeting.

“I feel bad but I have to say it” You started, looking into his eyes, wide open and shocked, he was ready to say something but you continued “Shhh, now’s my time to talk. I thought you wanted to break up with me for the last week, so I was super afraid and nervous, well that doesn’t even cover it. I´m so glad, honestly, it’s been a while since I have felt this kind of relief. But now to your point. I think one of the reasons I’m snarky around you most of the time is that your kind of my Homeport…Around others I feel like I can’t talk shit all the time, nobody would like me, well except you. With you I don’t…I can just give you my thoughts without filter. However, I think I´ve been filtering all the nice and lovely things I´m thinking about you because I had the feeling that this just wasn’t our dynamic. I know you at least like me when you turn of the light and take my book away at night when I suddenly surrendered to sleep or how you know how to cook my favourite meals and how you tone down your teasing a bit on a bad day. Over the two years I learned to notice the small things and I hope you do too. But I agree, sometimes, especially when friends talk about their relationships, I´ll have a weak moment and just wish for some kind words or even something like I like you from my boyfriend. So if you’re feeling the same I´ll gladly put in the effort, I don’t want to loose you…You are very important for me…and I like you the way you are…and you probably ruined me for every other relationship if there is ever one because you just are you but like with a special place for me. I doubt that there’s anybody out there that is so well matched for me like you are so…don’t put me through this again. And remember those nice words!”  

Now it was Tsukishimas turn to be astounded. You both weren’t the kind to speak lots of words, deeming them unnecessary most of the time so you both rambling was a special occasion. Still fidgeting with his fingers he thought about your words. Slowly but surely there was a blood pouring in his cheeks, he could feel them heating up thinking about what you just proclaimed. “Come over here, I have something even better for you” Noticing how you were about to sob he kept his arms open until you were in reach and then pulled you into his lap. There were three magical words you’ve both only had said to each other so far when the other one was seemingly fast asleep. But after so much time together and hopefully even more he felt like it was now time to say it. “Y/n you’re a dork.” You looked at him deadpanned. “And I love you” now you were flabbergasted. Not being able to process a single thought you just stared at him while he hold you tightly in his arms and waited for you with a devious grin. Shoulders dropping and head tilting, you looked him in the eyes “I love you too Kei”. Next thing you know his lips are on yours, this must be the most love-loaded kiss you two have ever shared.

“If I´d known an I love you from me would shut you up for once I´d have told you waaay sooner”

“Kei, I´d shut up gladly hearing it from your stupid mouth again.”

“This stupid mouth will see about that in a minute, then you can tell me how much you like this stupid mouth!”

The smile you gave him now almost stopped his heart, it wasn’t exactly as pleasing as the soft smile for your friends but he was able to see your dimples and he decided, if there is one person who can laugh at him for falling out of a bed forever, it’s probably you. So no, there won’t be another relationship, except like, being engaged to you or something, but that could wait another year, Tsukishima tought.

[temis-de-leon]

Day 12 - Upside down kiss

Characters: Satan x fem!MC

25 kisses challenge Masterlist

Main Masterlist

CW: asshole cat, accidental nudity, pre-established relationship

.

MC had mixed feelings about the height of this particular tree. While it brought an enormous shade to the courtyard, offering shelter to both students and animals during storms or abnormally hot days, it also made the resolution of certain… peculiar situations close to impossible.

For instance, no one without wings or unbreakable bones should climb the tree.

So, MC.

In her defence, however, it should be taken into consideration that going up wasn’t her intention. Rather the opposite, actually, she wanted the cat to come down.

She’d never seen an animal like that, with a fur so lustrous it shone under the Devildom’s eternal moonlight. Toxic green eyes stared at her while she cooed and called for its attention, not offering any type of response. And maybe it was her crush’s delusional love for felines taking over her actions, but MC couldn’t see other solution beyond using magic to lure him down.

It didn’t work, of course, because when did something ever work for her? Summoning toys and treats not only was useless, but it also made the cat look at her with disdain, and when she tried to summon the damn creature itself, the words of the incantation and her intentions mixed up and did exactly what she didn’t want to do.

Before MC knew it, the branch where the cat was resting met her face at vertiginous speed. The bark scratched her hands when she desperately grasped it and an infestation of what looked like a mutation of fire ants quickly crawled over her skin, their bites slowly covering wherever they could reach.

Her own weight would be her own downfall; she could notice her fingers struggling to hold on. So, grimacing at the sight of the fire ants, she hoisted herself up and hugged the branch with her legs. Thankfully, the uniform skirt protected her most private and sensitive regions, but her butt didn’t have the same luck.

A wave of panic made her sweat, the bites on her hand, her ankles and her calves more noticeable than ever. Meanwhile, the cat stared at her with amusement.

If the cursed creature even thought of biting or scratching her, she would send it to oblivion and she would not care.

“MC?”

His voice, although it sounded like heaven at the moment, also made her feel deeply embarrassed.

She let her head fall and looked at Satan upside down, not finding herself able to enjoy his handsome features. Blood was quickly rushing down and, added to the pain from the fire ants and the harsh edges of the bark, she wasn’t feeling too good anymore.

“What are you doing there?”

Always the curious mind and slow to empathise in this type of situations, Satan walked until he was below her, where he stayed with a hand on his hip and another one on his chin.

“Proving my stupidity, clearly” MC said in a snide remark, swallowing a sob when her fingers throbbed too much to keep holding on.

In a moment of desperation, she slowly moved her legs so she could hook them over the branch. Her stomach tensed for a couple of seconds while she let herself hang upside down and her hands immediately flew to her skirt to keep her underwear hidden.

It was uncomfortable, mortifying and painful and the moment she stopped, MC wondered why the hell she did it in the first place.

That damn cat.

“Well, no need to be like that” he murmured with a sad pout “I just wanted to know if you needed any help”

MC sighed, but her head was too filled with blood to feel entirely guilty.

“Yeah, I need it… I’m sorry, Satan”

“It’s okay, I understand. That doesn’t look comfortable”

“It isn’t! And it’s starting to hurt!”

“Well, don’t panic” he shushed with slight impatience, looking at her figure and searching for a way to help her “I think I can grab you and help you get down”

Satan didn’t wait for a response, lifting his arms to firmly grip her ribs. The contact made her feel an extra amount of warmth in her face and she prayed he didn’t feel her fastened heartbeat, but judging from his face, not only he did, he was also enjoying it.

“C’mon, don’t look at me like that. Are you telling me you don’t like this as much as I do? You can’t hide from me, MC”

“You’re infuriating”

“Sure” he laughed.

“Can’t you go faster?”

Satan chuckled again before suddenly frowning, a blush covering his entire face. He avoided her gaze for just a couple of seconds before looking at her with bashfulness.

“I will… With an incentive…”

He didn’t say anything else and MC realized he was patiently waiting for her permission. With a slight swing, she moved forward and kissed him.

It was weird, not an ideal first kiss, but they didn’t care. His fingers curled over her skin with gentleness, the air coming out of his nose tickling her cheek.

Before she could think about it, she grabbed fistfuls of his hair, somehow softer than she could ever imagine.

Then, a piece of fabric fell down. Cold breeze caressed her upper thighs.

Gasping in horror, she got away from him.

“My skirt!”

.

.

Taglist: @ourfinalisation  @owlisbuffering  @chizukimp4  @ravenredwine @darkflowerav  @beatlebeesstuff   @mehkers

[samsalami66]

And I'm back again with an addition to my Knight!Hob Prince!Dream au (I've decided to go with royal au for shortness' sake lmao) which you can find the first part of here.

Once again all the love and thanks to my wonderful @im-not-corrupted , who provided me with motivation and screams as I wrote this little drabble and is the #1 fan of this au.

-----

Dream hated audiences. 

Audiences meant spending an awful amount of time in his parents' presence, and even if nobody paid much attention to the third royal child in a line of seven, it was still painful to spend even a minute longer than necessary in the King's and Queen's presence. Dream could feel his father's disapproving gaze drift towards him every time his eyes would droop a bit too low, whenever his elbow would slip from where he had it propped on the armrest of his throne to hold his head upright, which felt heavier with every word the current Lord or Duke let spill from his lips. 

Lord Burgess, the man currently grazing the family with his abnormally boring presence, looked about ready to explode as the King once again denied his request for an addition to his land, which would allow him to hunt in the forest neighboring his crops. But the forests were strictly royal territory, and Dream could have told Lord Burgess in much fewer sentences than his father that they would never give up on ancestral lands, not in this lifetime or any other. 

But just as Dream's eyes were about to close to allow him another few moments of respite from this whole ordeal, sounds echoed through the halls outside the throne room. Voices got louder in volume and increasingly more frustrated the closer they got. It was a blessing, an escape from these confines of literal hell, and Dream perked up curiously to figure out what the tumult was about. 

Between the shouts and hisses he could make out a hysterical You can't just waltz in there! and a very joyful Watch me, mate! and Dream decided that this was bound to become a much more interesting audience than he had anticipated. And, true to the small exclamation Dream overheard, a man did just waltz into the room, a smile on his face that would cause even the strongest hearts to faint in charm. Dream didn't quite know how he managed not to, when bright brown eyes caught his over the entirety of the room in an instant, familiar mischief hidden somewhere behind the obvious amusement. 

Christ, those eyes had brought ruin upon Dream once already, years ago, when they had both been young and stupid. Though, by the looks of it, Hob Gadling had not cast that particular trait aside, if his entrance was anything to go by. Guards were hot on his heels, panic written all over their faces as they didn't manage to keep this man from interrupting a private audience with the royal family, which would surely end in them being excused from their service. 

But Hob Gadling seemed to care little for their steps behind him or the guards eventual fate, his stride purposeful, a clear destination in his step. Dream realised much too late what that destination was, too distracted by the way Hob's shirt clung to muscles that had not been there when they had last met, hair that was longer and curlier than he remembered and that framed a bearded jaw so beautifully Dream almost swooned. There was no time for that though, not when those eyes finally left his and were cast towards the ground, not ten meters away from Dream. 

Hob Gadling was kneeling, his head tilted in a bow that was entirely unnecessary for the position he was already in, in front of Dream. 

Not in front of the family, or the King himself, but before Dream's throne, an unmistakable message to everyone present, a showcasing of ultimate loyalty.

To his left Dream could hear Lord Burgess hiss in annoyance at the interruption, the words You dare to interrupt my audience, commoner? falling from his lips like venom-infused blood. Dream did not care for boneless threats. 

He merely cared for the smile stretched over rosy lips before him, the cheeks that stretched with unconcealed amusement. Two guards reached Hob Gadling's side, prepared to force the uninvited guest out the room, and it took all of Dream's years of carefully trained composure to not jump from his throne in a sudden surge of panic. 

"Leave him be!" he demanded, voice overshadowing any and all conversation as he slowly rose from his throne. Hob's grin turned victorious at the exclamation, his posture more relaxed where he knelt on the black carpet to Dream's feet. "I want to know what he has to say." 

There were eyes on him, Dream knew, those of his parents, those of Lord Burgess, those of his guards. He knew his eldest sister was hiding a smile somewhere to his left, fully aware of his and Hob Gadling's relationship, and the only person in this world aware of Dream's feelings towards this infuriating, obviously insane man. 

All the attention Dream had held with his command shifted towards Hob Gadling when he opened his mouth to speak, determination colouring his voice with self-confidence that vibrated through Dream's body like the pleasant rumble of a cat's purr. 

"I come to pledge myself to you, my Lord," Hob started, almost causing Dream to choke on thin air. "In body and in mind, I swear to protect you with my blade and life. Make me your knight, Dream of the Endless, so that I might serve under your name until I take my last breath, until my body betrays my desire to keep you from harm." 

There was no sound filtering through the pounding of Dream's heart in his throat. This – This, Hob's declaration, his offering of complete and utter submission – it was insane, completely crazy, simply not done, not in royal families, not in any politics around the world. One pledged themselves to the King and thereby the country, not to a prince who would never be king, an outcast from his own folk, from his own family. 

This wasn't done, had never been done before, and yet Dream found he didn't care. He didn't care for one single moment about propriety, not when all he had ever wanted kneeled before his feet and offered him Heaven. 

"I do not know who you believe yourself to be, but I will not allow-" The King started off, but Dream cut his reply short, his voice purposefully overpowering that of his father. 

"I accept your request." 

The answer wasn't grand or eloquent, entirely false in its deliverance, unofficial without the ritualistic knighting. But Dream was in a trance, his hand not his own as he stepped down the stairs to stand before Hob, one hand reaching to the hilt of the sword that was hidden beneath his robes. 

When Dream pulled the sword from its sheath and held it to Hob's head, all those eyes reflected back at him was trust, even when faced with total submission, with surrendering himself entirely to Dream, his office and his personal whims. All of this, when Dream had left him behind at the mere notion of friendship, knowing he could not be friends with a commoner. He could be friends with his personal guardian, with a Knight who stood entirely under his protection, and the fact that Hob had been willing to go to such lengths to find a way to be in Dream's presence… 

Well, if Dream felt tears build in his eyes as he allowed his sword to rest on Hob's shoulders, once on each, then that was between him and his Knight. And when his voice trembled slightly as he spoke next, then that was just between them too. 

"Rise, Sir Robert Gadling." 

Dream huffed a silent laugh into the hug he was pulled in next, the excitement bubbling in his chest enough to chase away every ill thought of his parents' opinion as he burrowed his face in Hob's neck. 

The sense of safety he felt in the arms of his oldest friend was almost too much to bear. 

[dewedup]

would you be so kind as to provide us with a Mountain sick-fic bc I have the Flu and I'm projecting on my tall guy 😔🙏

please enjoy sick!Mount, pack dynamics, tour travel, and a concerned Zephyr 🖤🖤🖤

as per usual a huge and loving thank you to @jimothybarnes for betaing and making me feel like I wrote the next great novel 🥰

(i may or may not have started a part two of possessive mount breaking zeph's heat when he's feeling better, it ties into the ending of this one so if that's something anyone's interested in reading let me know!)

1.8k of fluff, comfort and cuteness below the cut or on AO3 HERE

It starts with a tickle in the back of his throat. Mountain finds himself clearing it periodically throughout the day, but never getting rid of the foreign feeling when he swallows. It’s a small thing though, something he can push to the back of his mind while he focuses on sound checks, travelling and performing- basically everything related to being on tour.

He wakes up a day or two later and feels exhausted. His bones ache, his brain is foggy, the cold grip of a headache approaching from the edge of his consciousness. The tickle has doubled down in its presence, now tender and sore with every breath, word, or swallow. He feels like getting hit by a vehicle on the highway they’re driving down would be swifter and less painful than the illness working its way through his immune system.

He’s like a zombie, sleepwalking through the motions. Luckily, it’s just a travel day, spent moving from their last location to the next venue. He’s stuck on the bus for the entirety of the day, tries to spend time out in the lounge area with everyone else. But Phantom is loud and overly excited, peering through the window in utter delight as he points out the unofficial eighth wonder of the world.

They’re driving past the Grand Canyon, which honestly isn’t that grand, Mountain’s seen bigger canyons in Hell. Being a ghoul of the earth means he’s very fluent in geographic abnormalities, erosion and rocks. Instead of giving Phantom a lesson in his rocky background, which Swiss seems to be anticipating, if the roll of his eyes as he looks at Mountain is any indication, Mountain simply pats Phantom on the shoulder. He mutters good ghoul under his breath, and retreats to the sleeping bunks.

His rest is pitiful, he’s hot and sweaty, then he’s kicking the blankets off only to be greeted with a chill that seeps into his bones, limbs shaking at the abrupt changes in temperature. He never succumbs to complete sleep, lingering in a half-state of lethargy and just feeling poorly.

It might be minutes, hours or days later, when he feels a cool hand press against his forehead. He’s hallucinating now, because it feels like the hand of his mate, the same one that’s still at home, a disgusting amount of distance between them. He knows it’s not real, their sweet scent of licorice and fresh linen doesn’t fill his nostrils. But then again, he’s pretty congested, hasn’t been able to smell anything in the last day and a half.

Mountain whines as the touch moves from his forehead, shifting down to his equally heated cheek and offering the tiniest bit of respite from the fever. He’s sweating again, wants to rip his own skin off to escape the burning inside of him, when a light breeze seemingly appears from nowhere. It dances across his body, giving him the first sense of relief since he laid down in his bunk.

“Pietra,” the demon caressing his face coos, and Mountain truly must have died and went to Hell, because there’s only one soul who calls him the Italian word for stone.

He squints open an eye, meeting the concerned face of his mate.

“Zeph?” Mountain’s voice wobbles, cracking on the singular word, as tears threaten to fall. Zephyr takes a second to assess their situation before climbing right into the bunk beside Mountain, pulling their mate close.

Mountain rests his head on Zephyr’s chest as he lets out a few pathetic sniffles, mainly just feeling sorry for himself.

“We’re at the hotel, love. The others went inside, they didn’t want to wake you. My flight landed early so I’ve been here for a bit, setting up our nest.”

Nest. That’s right, in Mountain’s deteriorated state he forgot Zephyr was scheduled to go into heat any day now. The Ministry opted long ago to pay for a flight for them if Mountain was away, rather than deal with an aggravated air ghoul who would take their frustrations out on the abbey and all who stumbled across their path.

If Mountain let out a few extra tears at the thought of his mate, already on edge from their own rising hormones, putting their needs aside to care for him, well, neither of them speak on it.

Eventually, Zephyr convinces Mountain to leave the safety of the bunk and retreat to their hotel room. It involves a lot of gentle encouragement and a few filthy promises for when he’s feeling better. Mountain can’t smell anything, so he misses the slight bite to Zeph’s scent, the telltale sign of the beginning of a heat that they push down forcibly with sheer willpower, knowing Mountain is in no shape to fulfill their needs at this moment.

They share a bath, slightly hotter than Zephyr would prefer, but the steam helps to clear Mountain’s congested airways and the warmth soothing the aching in his bones. It’s intimate in a nonsexual way, how Zephyr lathers up a washcloth and takes their time rinsing the sweat and sickness from Mountain’s skin.

Mountain’s soon dry and in his pyjamas, a steady hand at the small of his back guiding him to the bed in the centre of the hotel room. True to their word, Zephyr had created a fine nest, bringing blankets from their den at home to create a soft spot for them to connect with each other. Mountain falls into the pile, burrowing his way to the perfect spot and collapsing into the down pillows.

Zephyr seamlessly joins Mountain, wrapping their arms around him in a big spoon position. It is something Mountain usually takes up in their shared bed, but his need for comfort is apparent and Zephyr isn’t too put out by getting to hold their mate in their arms like this.

Mountain falls asleep to the soft hums vibrating from Zephyr’s chest, his own purrs mixing in at the same tempo, every single part of their being made for each other.

_________

Mountain wakes up, lying awkwardly on a couch too small for his big frame. He’s confused, disoriented, and doesn’t remember where he is for far longer than he’d like to admit.

His brain feels foggy, his eyes landing on a bottle of water left on the table in front of him, the condensation having dripped to the table, creating a small puddle of liquid around the container.

The bottle brings back the memory of Zephyr braiding his hair on this very couch, enthusiastically agreeing with Rain as the water ghoul tried to force some cold medication in Mountain’s mouth. He remembers putting up a good struggle, managing to knock Rain back a few steps before Dew intervened. With Zephyr yanking on his hair, tilting his head back and Dew lying on top of him, bodily restraining his movements, Rain was able to slide home a few of the abnormally large pills. Mountain fought valiantly, but Rain pulled a demonic move covering his mouth and pinching his nose until he was forced to swallow, begrudgingly and with a promise of murder in his eyes. 

Apparently, the cold medication was exactly what he needed. While he isn’t at one hundred percent, he feels the best he can remember feeling for the last week. His achy bones are no more, and he can even breathe through his nose a little, picking up the lingering scent of his mate all over his body.

A loud noise from out the hallway catches his attention, and Mountain realizes that he had the best nap of his life in the green room of the venue they were set to perform at tonight.

Except, no one else is hustling around in the usual pre-show panic.

The green room is usually filled with excitement and adrenaline, packed with bodies, as Swiss hogs the mirror to apply his black lipstick. But it’s empty, the remnants of the pre-show hurricane evident.

Mountain hears the opening rift of Kaisarion and bolts up from the couch, looking around wildly for his costume, but it’s nowhere to be found. He can’t believe they didn’t wake him up, what the actual fuck is going on. 

He gets to the side of the stage much quicker than he would have in the state he was mere hours ago, looking out from the wings as his band feeds the energy to the crowd before them.

His eyes shift over his pack, watching as they back up Papa who’s already pandering to the sea of people. A crash of cymbals pulls his attention to the back middle stage, to his drum set.

It’s like a punch to his gut, but in the best way possible, seeing who is undeniably his mate, in his costume, playing his kit.

Zephyr isn’t a small statured ghoul by any means, it’s just that Mountain’s well… Mountainous.

His costume fits his mate poorly, they’ve rolled the arms up, displaying the sleeves of delicate illustrations depicting the fall of Christ, ink woven in their skin that Mountain has spent countless hours admiring. The pant legs bunch up where they fall, too much extra material with nowhere else to go.

Mountain’s heart skips a beat when he realizes Zephyr is shoeless, exactly how he normally performs.

It shouldn’t surprise him that Zeph is a natural, they’ve spent long hours in the rehearsal room with Mountain, watching him work through tricky sections or just putting his own twist on Papa’s work. He’s filled with love, admiration, and just an all-around feeling of mine while watching his mate perform with his pack.

Mountain eventually just settles on the ground of the side stage, sitting cross-legged and just enjoying the show from his secret little viewpoint. He laughs along with the jokes Papa pulls out of his ass, his smile unshakeable as he watches Dew tease Rain from this angle. Swiss is chaotic, he usually only sees him leave his platform from the corner of his eye, unsure of what exactly the multi ghoul gets up to, but now he has his answers. He’s usually so focused on his own performance he doesn’t get the chance to just sit and watch the magic happen, and it is magical, the atmosphere they craft together and the beautiful music they create.

During Miasma, Zephyr opts out of a solo in favour of handing Dew and Phantom a drumstick each. Mountain grins wildly, watching lovingly as Zeph orchestrates with their free hands while keeping rhythm with the kick drum. They encourage Dew and Phantom to bang away at the snare and cymbals, Mountain cringing slightly at the force of some of the hits. A little wear and tear won’t tarnish the memory working its way into the deep recesses of his brain though, as the utter joy and happiness bubbles over into a delighted, trilling laugh when Zeph tosses him a smirk and secret little wave.

[cccat-in-a-meat-sack]

hi hello i saw you were talking to us about quirks and science and stuff.

what do u think about my quirk?

-Keigo (Hawks)

OMG YES OFC

I actually have so many questions about your quirk it's not even funny

One, how are you able to regrow feathers? It's not in human biology to regrow feathers (as we don't have any), so was it coded into your dna before you were born? Or was there a dna change? And even if it is in your dna to regrow feathers, does it also grow according to bird molting schedule? Like do you regularly molt? And also, how does the regrowing actually work? Because I know you can fully regrow your feathers in about 4 days, but how does that impact you on a daily basis? Is it a constant thing, where you're constantly making and getting new feathers? Or does it happen sort of like a cut on a body would, where it only happens when you need it?

More on the feather thing, feathers are made of keratin, which is made from proteins. Do you have to eat an abnormal amount of protein to maintain your feathers? And do your hair and nails grow quicker because they're also made of keratin? Or the opposite--do they grow slower because your body is putting more keratin towards your wings?

Also, how can do you strengthen your feathers, and how are they so strong? I know they're really strong and durable, but do they come like that or do you change the properties of your feathers as you need? Also, what would they be made out of? Is it keratin as well? Or another substance?

Two, how is your bone and muscle structure affected? I can't find if you were born with your wings or not, but I have questions for both:

First, if you were born with your wings, how did that work? Were you able to fly right away? Or was it more of a baby bird situation where you had to build up the muscle? And how would that tie into how strong your feathers are?

Second, if you weren't, was it painful to grow your wings? I imagine it would be, because your bone and muscle structure would be changing, but I'm also wondering how fast it was. Was it an instantaneous, one second you don't have wings the next second you do situation? Or was it a gradual change, over a few months?

Three, just daily life questions. How do you sleep? Can you sleep on your back with your wings? Is it comfortable to lay on your wings? Are your wings heavy at all, and if they are, does it hurt your back to carry them all the time? Are your wings sensitive? I know you can feel vibrations through the air when you release your feathers, does that tie into just daily life too? Plus, can your feathers feel pain? Like if someone were to stab a feather, would you feel it? What about if it happened away from your body? How do you put shirts on with your wings? How are you able to telekinetically control individual feathers? Is it hard? Do your feathers follow deliberate commands, or is it sort of whatever your brain thinks first? I know you have a weakness to fire, what about water? Does it weigh down your wings at all?

I'm so normal about quirks I promise

[setsuuestsu]

Your Sope fics are so sweet! Can you write one about Hobi having a bad cold, which makes him needy/clingy/seek out a lot of cuddles from Yoongi. And then Yoongi catches his cold because of it. Thank you!

I’m so sorry this took so long 😭 I moved and my anxiety is at a high rn cause of the world tensions and I hope everyone is safe currently! Anyways, not super satisfied with how this turned out so I apologize!

“Seok-ah? Are you home?”

Yoongi pulled his key to the apartment out from the doorknob, struggling a bit and eventually having to yank the key out of the lock. It took his balance away from him from a moment due to the amount of force he used. He caught himself, then shut the door. 

The lights were off but he could see well enough that his eyes caught on Hoseok’s pair of chunky sneakers that he genuinely wondered how the younger male wore. They were like, the greatest sin cursed upon society. He had tried to wear them once and nearly broke an ankle. Usually Hoseok’s shoes were meticulously placed on the carpet by the door because god forbid a shoe be out of place, but now they were haphazardly in a pile. 

That was unusual.

“Seok-ah?” he called again, slightly worried now. He quietly headed towards the couch, but Hoseok wasn’t there. There were signs of life though, as the blanket was balled into the corner of the couch and a pillow was on the floor. 

He headed down the hallway towards their bedroom, sighing in relief when he saw Hoseok passed out and snoring on the bed. He didn’t even have the covers over him. 

Gently tapping Hoseok’s shoulder, he waited for the younger to wake up. “Hey, Seok-ah. Wake up for hyung.”

Bleary eyes opened to meet him. “Hyung?”

Yoongi could hear the congestion lacing Hoseok’s voice and frowned. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

“Like my Thursday dance class got me sick.” he croaked, coughing slightly.

He pressed a hand to Hoseok’s forehead, thanking every deity out there when he didn’t feel any abnormal heat. He always hated seeing Hoseok sick. “I hope it’s just a cold.”

The younger male nodded, nose twitching slightly. “It is. Yeon-su and Seung-jin came in all hh—sniffly and sad the other day but they were hh—so cute and I couldn’t help but hh-hug them.” He pouted, which made him even cuter.

“hh-hETShii!” 

Yoongi blessed him and passed him a tissue. As Hoseok blew his nose, Yoongi ran his fingers through his boyfriend’s hair.

“Hyungie, I want cuddles!” Hoseok whined, voice stuffy. He was shivering, though Yoongi couldn’t tell if it was from his cold or the temperature outside, which was pretty chilly and windy. (And cold season, so no wonder Hoseok had caught one)

Mentally cooing over how adorable his boyfriend looked, Yoongi patted him on the shoulder. “Maybe later, okay? I’m guessing you haven’t eaten and we need to get some cold medicine in you.”

Hoseok buried his face into his pillow and Yoongi could hear him grumbling about how unfair he was being. With a small chuckle, he exited the room, though not after stroking Hoseok’s head first. 

From the kitchen, he heard Hoseok coughing and each time, Yoongi winced in sympathy. The coughing sounded painful. He started on the soup first, then grabbed the kettle to start boiling water for tea. After waiting an awkward five minutes, he poured the broth into a mug and the hot water for tea into another mug. 

He hears Hoseok sneeze again from the other room and the rapid sniffling that follows. 

Picking up the mugs of tea and broth, he headed for the bedroom, nearly tripping over Mickey, Hoseok’s Shih Tzu, but catching himself against the wall just in time. 

“Come on, Mickey-ah.” he murmurs, gesturing to the bedroom door with his neck. “Let’s go see Seok-ah.” 

When he enters the bedroom, Hoseok is turned with his back facing the door. Yoongi can hear the soft snores coming from the younger’s stuffy nose. As much as he hated having to wake Hoseok up, he knew the younger male needed medicine. 

“Seok-ah, wake up.” He gently shook Hoseok’s shoulder. His boyfriend didn’t respond, only grumbling and trying to shake Yoongi’s hand off. Yoongi let out a small chuckle and helped Hoseok into a sitting position. 

Hoseok coughs and sniffles once he’s up, mumbling about how he’s too tired. Yoongi forces him to swallow the cold medicine and tea and climbs into the bed next to him. 

“Drink the tea and the broth, okay?” He gave Hoseok a stern but caring look. “We need to get you healthy again.” 

“Hyungie, cuddles!” Hoseok insisted, burying his face into Yoongi’s shoulders after setting both mugs down. Yoongi ran his fingers through Hoseok’s hair and laid them both down. The younger immediately curled closer to Yoongi (almost possessively, not that Yoongi minded). Knowing he probably wasn’t going to be let up anytime soon, Yoongi accepted his fate and wrapped his arms around Hoseok underneath the thick blankets.

“Kisses!”

As much as he loved to kiss his boyfriend, this cold didn’t sound good and he didn’t particularly want to catch it. “Seok-ah …”

Yeah, who was he kidding? Kisses sounded great.

His lips met Hoseok’s and he could feel the younger melt from his touch. After a few moments, Hoseok had to pull away to sneeze twice, so Yoongi rolled to the side to grab him a tissue. 

As awake as he was now, he looked at Hoseok’s drowsy eyes and he figured it was time to turn the lights out (the things they do for love).

“Night, Seok-ah.”

★

The next morning, Yoongi wakes up and feels himself boiling under the covers. He panicked, thinking that maybe he’s caught Hoseok’s cold, but then he feels a weight on his chest and opens his eyes. Hoseok is fast asleep and still snoring. He’s still a little warm, but it's better than how warm he was the day before. 

Deciding he should let Hoseok sleep a little more, Yoongi moved to roll out of the bed, but a hand caught his wrist. 

“Hyungie …”

He let Hoseok pull him down again. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

Hoseok’s breath hitches and he stops for a moment. “H-hyung? Can you grab me a ti-hh-ssue?”

Reaching to the nightstand next to the bed, Yoongi plucks a handful of tissues out of the box and quickly hands them to Hoseok, who sneezes a triple. He’s left miserable and sniffly afterwards. 

“I think it’s time for some more meds, Seok.”

Hoseok, who usually insists he doesn’t need medicine, agrees. That only shows Yoongi how miserable Hoseok is feeling. “I’ll be right back, honey.”

Since it was a small apartment, the walk from the bedroom to the kitchen wasn’t far. He measured out the cold medicine (liquid form this time), made some more tea, and headed back for the bedroom. Hoseok was sitting up and pouting, nose and eyes red and puffy. 

Yoongi thought he looked adorable. 

“Here.” He handed Hoseok the tiny cup of medicine first. “Take that.”

The younger shot him a look of disgust but obeyed and took the medicine (shot-style). “It's so … yucky.”

He handed Hoseok the tea next. “This’ll help.”

This time, he didn’t protest, drinking the tea quickly. Desperate times called for desperate measures, Yoongi supposed. And cold medicine seemed like a desperate time.

Hoseok coughed, throat scratchy and rough. He took another sip of the tea. “Hyungie, cuddles?”

How could anyone say no to that?

Yoongi climbed back into the bed, wrapping his arms around Hoseok and pulling his sick lover closer. Hoseok was always cold when he was sick, even if it was just a small cold like this one, and it just so happened that Yoongi liked keeping Hoseok close. 

Mickey, noticing that he wasn’t getting proper attention, jumped onto the bed and curled up on top of Hoseok and Yoongi, further adding to the warmth. 

　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　★

That afternoon, Yoongi woke up to his own scratchy throat and stuffy nose. 

Well, that was to be expected with how much Hoseok had been near him. 

Hoseok was still fast asleep, mouth open slightly due to how congested he was. He could hear the slight whistle of Hoseok’s nose as his boyfriend tried to breathe. Yoongi cringed realizing that that would probably be him in a few more hours. 

Deciding that he could probably use some cold medicine himself, Yoongi tried to get up and out of bed. Of course, this only made Hoseok’s brow furrow and he tried to grip him tighter. 

Of course. 

“Seok-ah, Hyung has to get up.” Yoongi explained to the sleeping figure. He sniffled, cringing as his nose ran. “And in order to do so, you have to let go of Hyung.”

“Mine.” Hoseok mumbled possessively. He pressed himself closer to Yoongi. 

Well, he could get up later. 

It seemed they would be here a while. 

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Hello sex witch!

I’m trying to gauge if this is a “yeah that can happen” issue or a “go to the doctor right now” issue

I’ve been on birth control for like six years as treatment for PCOS, taking it straight through with no placebo week (with doctors permission) for like three of those years

And I usually don’t experience any period symptoms, sometimes I’ll have a mild cramp, but very rarely

This morning I got off (no penetration, just clit play) for the first time in a *long* time, and now I am experiencing some pretty unusual period symptoms

I’m bleeding lightly (about the same I would on a placebo week), cramping a good bit, and having period poops

I’ve been browsing google, and google says that wouldn’t mess with my hormones, I’m wondering if this is a concerning experience or just likely a weird one off to power through?

(Only other vag related activities today was taking a shower and splashing some warm water (no soap) around that area, in between my folds a bit to get the excess discharge cleared up before going to work)

Thank you!

hi anon,

if you start experiencing cramps or other pain too intensive to do your normal activities, losing excessive amounts of blood, feeling lightheaded, throwing up, fainting, or experiencing any other symptoms abnormal for a typical period, then yes you absolutely should get to a hospital asap.

however, as it is your symptoms sound pretty average (if annoying, especially if you've gotten accustomed to not having to deal with them). you may actually have the order of cause and effect flipped - you mentioned that you hadn't gotten off in a while, and I wonder if a spike in libido is another period symptom slipping back in. many people experience an uptick in their sex drive thanks to fluctuation of hormones before and during their periods. rather than a case of jacking off > period, it's very likely period > jacking off.

all considered this all sounds like something you don't need to be worried about as long as the symptoms stay at at their current level of mildness. this kind of thing is common on birth control, especially when you've been taking it for so long. be gentle with yourself and look out for any changes for the worse, but this falls firmly in the "yeah that can happen" territory.

[the-story-forge]

⚠️Warning this story has extreme graphic adult content, viewer discretion is advised! ⚠

Chapter 4 - The Underground

The Sparrow ran across the roof tops, letting the wind flow. He made his way to the destination with a speed no one could think was possible of any human being. The exposed pipe still remained, the only unguarded way into the underground. A hollowed-out base beneath Midnight City where The Cult had operated.

He entered the pipe, down into the cavernous hollow supposedly abandoned 3 years ago. It confused him how The Cult had returned, it confused him even more that the cavern still looked the same as it had 3 years ago. A ghost town with no residents, tables for the unearthly amounts of Hedge that had been seized by the authorities. Something was wrong. It was quiet, abnormally quiet.

Four guards dropped from up above and drew their katanas pointing them towards him. A familiar voice rang out behind The Sparrow.

“I thought you were dead,” The Sparrow's blood boiled.

“The White Dragon is wondering why her enemy has once again come to destroy her place of business.”

“Greatness always lives. Especially when it has a purpose. We are on the verge of something amazing and I can't have you stopping me now.” The White Dragon waved her guards who moved in closer under her command.

The Sparrow took a breath in, feeling the katana drive towards his face and swiftly moved underneath it, arching his back and letting it pass over him.

The other katana came for his side, he let his legs lift into the air and he grabbed at the ground to keep his body up, his waist twisted as the katana stabbed where he had been a fraction of a second earlier.

He let his breath release, shooting upright plunging his fist into the face of the guard, she fell backwards onto the ground. Not allowing himself the time to anticipate it, his reflexes kicked in, he bent backwards watching the katana swipe over him. Right before it had a chance to do so again, The Sparrow launched himself like a missile into the other guard, sending them both to the ground where he knocked her out with a blow from his fist.

"Who can you save from the coming darkness Sparrow?" The White Dragon stirred strangely comfortable in his grip.

"Still impressive reflexes I see," The White Dragon took her stance and twirled the two kunai in her palms running at him. The Sparrow dodged her attempt of a stab to his torso, using his elbows and triceps he blocked her side jabs at his face and hooked onto her arms giving him the advantage. He threw her to the ground where he easily pinned her arms relieving her of the two kunai.

"What are you talking about?" Gritted The Sparrow.

The White Dragon kicked between his legs and the pain numbed him, he fell on his side, and she freed herself standing upright.

"The cure to the problem of war," The White Dragon's hand freed itself from his grip and grabbed at his mask, at that moment she tore the thing keeping him safe away. Losing all control in a desperate attempt to hide himself, he punched her in the chest, she gasped for air and looked at him as Eric not as The Sparrow.

"No one you love will be safe Sparrow," she kicked him in the face.

"All you are is a man who has nothing but pain." She beat him several times in the face and blood dripped from his nose. He fell backward onto the floor, unable to hold himself up. The White Dragon stood victorious over him and kicked her boot into him over and over again. He felt several cracks in his body, and it became hard for him to breathe. She stopped after a few more and looked down on him.

"I won't kill you at first, I will make whoever you are suffer, I will find out who you are, I will take your loved ones and I will kill them in front of you, only then are you allowed to die," she picked up the two kunai and left, leaving him on the ground bloody and broken physically and broken mentally.

When he could stand, The Sparrow got up, one leg then the other. He limped to the pipe and let the wrist hook carry him out of the pipe. He gripped the edge and groaned rolling onto the sidewalk.

Was he truly nothing? The answer was obvious but still he refused to admit it to himself. The daylight began to burn in the sky, and he limped down the street towards his apartment building.

Written by Phoenix Rose

Edited by Liya

Characters and Story Created by Phoenix Rose

A Story Forge Production

[cpunkwitch]

I wanted to get other phys disabled people’s input if that’s okay

I’m just wondering at what point is pain and weakness with mobility (and arm movement) normal vs abnormal? Like do ablebodied people really not get any pain during things like bending down/getting up, going up and down stairs, walking, lifting and using arms.. unless they’re already injured? Can “because you haven’t been exercising and sit all day”or “it’s bc you’re autistic” genuinely be the cause for pain like that? if ablebodied people don’t exercise often can they feel pain and trouble with mobility?

Then that leads me to think .. well how much exercise do u even need because I technically do physical activity multiple times a week for months until a certain pointr every year… yet I still have these symptoms and some muscle atrophy. the pain also seems to be worsening over time

I did one genetic swab test for things like neuromuscular disorders and it was negative so now I’m like well if the test results are negative what now….I match symptoms of certain neuromuscular disorders so well but the test was negative and now I’m like so confused I feel kinda fake? Do u have a similar experience?

the normal amount of pain for an able bodied person, especially with regular mobility, is 0 pain. none at all.

you joints can get weak and you can get sore after a bit of physical labour like walking up a flight of stars or lifting a bunch of boxes if you dont exercise and maintain your body's health (even just going for regular walks is enough sometimes) but thats exhaustion after strenuous activity

physically disabled people usually feel that constantly, have even less strength and energy to spend on that stuff than an able-bodied person does.

disabled people continue to have their pain and issues no matter how much exercise and care for their body they do, its good to keep it up but an able bodied person wouldnt continue to feel that. for an able bodied person thats temporary, for us, its chronic.

my body is deteriorating. i get regular walks in to help my joints, i do stretches to help with my muscles and my back, but its only to help slow down whats happening with me and to keep me as mobile as possible for as long as possible as my spine continues to twist and bend over the years. an able bodied person wouldnt feel pain just standing up and sitting down and moving their limbs let alone need a physical routine like i do.

i feel you though, a lot of times my imposter syndrome hits hard and i feel like im faking. but we're not. no mater what condition or label we are told we do/do not have our experience with our bodies is still there, still real, still valid.

no one knows our bodies like we do.

if you think theres a possibility there and you can do it, i'd push to get tested again and/or look for other possibilities on what it could be, there might be other things your symptoms overlap with (which i find happens a lot, thats actually part of how i found out i was anemic instead of diabetic) though you dont have to, just if you want to. you dont have to follow any of my ramblings or anything, its just always good to check again and look into other things just in case y'know? /lh

[cogito-dreams]

How did Basil create the mirror I cannot be teased like this

WONDERFUL QUESTION THANK YOU FOR ASKING

this is already getting long so im gonna put it under a read more LOL

allow me to give some context and talk about basil even more than ive been asked for regarding basils origins! for starters, basil originates from The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde, named after none other than Basil Hallward from the novel. In the original, it's heavily implied (honestly it's just text its not even subtext please go read picture of dorian gray its wonderful) that basil is absolutely in love and head over heels for the titular dorian, and paints the titular picture of said titular dorian. now (spoilers for a 150 year old book) this portrait basil painted is... pretty odd, and either because of the amount of himself and his love for dorian that he put into the portrait OR because of a wish dorian made that he would always stay young and beautiful, the portrait winds up looking more old and cruel etc etc as dorian goes down his path of depravity etc etc. basil had made many portraits of dorian before this, but none quite as successful (he'd tried to paint his muse in other styles, but this portrait in particular came about when he finally tried painting dorian exactly as he is), and none of his later portraits were as enchanting either. more things happen to basil later on in the book, but i'll leave that for another post because then i'd have to get into some content warnings because it gets A Little Fucked Up.

so! how does this translate into the world of project moon and specifically limbus company, you ask? great question!

essentially, basil is consistently putting too much of both himself and his subject into all of his paintings. i'm stretching the worldbuilding a little bit here so its not Really super canon compliant, but we know that abnormalities dont just come from people, they can be made like the tool abnormalities! so essentially, in his quest to create this perfect portrait of dorian, basil inadvertently created a few other abnormalities along the way. this includes the Portrait of Another World we find in Lobotomy Corporation, which could in itself have initially been inspired by the same novel that basil is from!

the limbus!dorian to go with my basil is... considerably fucked up in a lot of ways, in particular how he interacts with basil, so while basil was painting dorian their conversations wandered in sometimes pretty messed up directions. while painting the portrait of another world, they discussed what it would be like to never feel pain and never suffer hardship, and basil (a little more down-to-earth than the then-naive dorian) understood that suffering would never really go away, it would just be someone else suffering. that idea is where the portrait of another world started getting its abnormality characteristics, and the reason that the painting is unfinished - and therefore open for people to put themselves into, as we see in lobotomy corporation - is because basil would up growing too upset with the topic (thanks to some needling from lord henry wotton, who i havent yet discussed but the characters im adapting from the novel for basils canto need a whole post of their own) and never actually wound up painting dorian into the portrait. which is probably pretty good, because then we'd have TWO abnormality paintings centered around dorian, and frankly he's gotten way too much power from just the one.

all in all, it's probably for the best that basil quit painting, even if he still doesn't know quite the extent of what he accidentally created.

[sawamura-daichis-thighs]

Hi, how are you? I seen you in an ultrasound tag. And I seen you went to school for it. I was wondering if you could tell me your experience and if you enjoy it as a career?

Hi Anon, I'm good, thank you for asking! And absolutely, I’d be happy to. ^^

I live in the U.S., so requirements and program length may be different elsewhere, but in general most sonography programs are approximately 2 years (not including any prerequisite courses you'll need beforehand in order to apply). It is definitely a tough program! It takes a lot of dedication and determination and sometimes sheer force of will; I gave up the majority of my free time for 2 years to make room for the amount of studying that's required, was often pushed out of my comfort zone, and wondered more than once if I could truly achieve my goals, but in the end I feel it was 100% worth it.

I won't lie, sonography is a difficult field; at first, it kinda feels like "what do you mean these shades of gray make an image of actual anatomy, it all looks like blobs" but I promise that it eventually begins to make sense! It's such an exciting feeling when you look back after months of practice to realize that you've made visible, tangible progress and that now those "gray blobs" actually make sense as real anatomy. You get excited about the funniest things (my classmates and I would gush over a easily seen pancreas lmao I still do) and learn all kinds of cool, wacky things bodies can/might do.

My program included lecture courses, lab courses, and clinical rotations in real health care facilities. While they're all important, the clinical rotations were the most impactful for me because I learn best by being hands-on, which is exactly what those rotations are for. Lab time was great for learning the anatomy on generally healthy people (classmates) without many time constraints, with a teacher present to guide/answer questions, but clinicals introduce you to the general population who are, by and large, sick and/or in pain. It often introduces you to pathology that, until that point, you only see in lectures and books.

There are some important board exams required to become a registered sonographer: the SPI (Sonography Principles and Instrumentation) and a specialty board (Abdomen, OB/GYN, Vascular, etc.). Regardless of which specialty you want to go into, you must pass the SPI to become credentialed. I attached a link so you can research it further, but basically it's an exam that focuses on the physics that make ultrasound possible as an imaging modality. They’re difficult exams, designed so that you have to choose the “best answer” from multiple options that might technically be correct, so you have to read carefully. I have bad test anxiety, so I learned to skip anything I didn’t know immediately and come back to it after answering the rest. Also, trust your gut and refrain from changing your answers too often.

As far as my career, I'm still new at it. I've only been working as a registered sonographer for a little over 6 months, but, even with the challenges of working in health care, I love it. I like that I can work both independently and with a team; it’s nice to get my coworkers’ input/advice on things I’m not sure about or questioning. Every day is different. My hospital is super busy most days, but it offers a lot of room for obtaining experience due to the range of scans we perform. In an average week, I'll scan a mix of general abdomen (evaluating liver, gallbladder, kidneys, etc.), small parts (thyroid, scrotum), vascular (so many legs to rule out blood clots, whew), OB/GYN (lots of first trimester from the Emergency Room, and many second/third from patients in our Labor & Delivery unit), and we even perform procedures like biopsies. My hospital also has a NICU, where we scan infant brains or newborn kidneys or spines to evaluate for abnormalities. (Granted, not every hospital does all of this! We just happen to be one of the largest hospitals in an otherwise rural area so we're kind of a catch-all.) My ultimate goal is to become a travel tech, so I wanted to work somewhere that would help me gain a range of experience quickly.

As you can see, there's so many different possibilities with ultrasound! It's not just used for those who are pregnant, like a lot of people (myself included, initially) assume. If babies aren't your preference (which, same, they're super wiggly lol but cute regardless), you still have a wide range of options to choose from. I'd definitely recommend doing some research and asking for opportunities to shadow ultrasound techs near you, to get an idea of what they do and ask questions. (Unlike me, who literally Googled the profession before applying to my program with super limited knowledge on just what I was getting into lol thankfully it worked out and became something I love!)

[subterra-rose]

anon who sent the ask about toh hcs and grimwalkers yesterday—wow, i really like those ideas actually, those are so cool :O!! plus that response just made me learn what torpor means so that is super cool ^_^ your idea about grimwalkers having extended stamina also reminds me of a hc of mine that grimwalkers are abnormally hardy; like, they feel the same amount of pain as normal people but can sustain Big injuries and be relatively fine. ie hunter takes like a super bad fall or something in the human realm and everybody thinks he like broke his fucking leg but he's just like. Ouchy but Completely fine. or something. Y'know.

Plus grimwalkers being really pallor... Oughhhh... i thought it was interesting that hunter kept his eyebags even while in the human realm so..... Ouuggghhgh..... Man............

Hunter could withstand getting smoked in the ankles by a razor scooter and everyone is just like “ :o bro”

But yeah! I’ve always thought grimwalkers are pretty resilient too. I also think they do bleed in some capacity too, but it’s like, an odd consistency, almost as if it’s coagulated already if that makes sense? Any wounds they have heal a lot faster because of that aspect, but I think it would also make them more prone to scarring

I wish we got a little more info about grimwalkers, especially considering we see Hunter had been doing some research in LR, but also speculating is fun dhdhd. I always thought it was interesting that it’s implied most grimwalkers come out as teens or older, so I wonder if memories can be implanted into them or if Hunter ever questioned why he has little memory of when he was younger (assuming he was made semi-recently)?