#i wonder if i should be making fanart or smth
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i wish i had been a fish
#original content#sai2#2023#i wonder if i should be making fanart or smth#that one jack stauber kosakira post blew up again recently...#it makes me crave part 4 so bad...#is it bad that i havent been as involved in the rest of jojo#maybe ill watch part 4 and then catch up on pt 5 and 6#which i read but didnt watch#but yeah...sexy gay businessmen guys..#btw guys this is my betta fish!!! his name is FRP and hes like 4 years old hes ANCIENT#hes the sweetest little man i love him sosososo much
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keyframes stuff
deja one chance just one pleasepleasepleaseplease 🙏
+another redesign of ruri's clothes bc the summer one felt out of character agdfdfg
#rui draw smth#keyframes#keyframes vn#i have THOUGHTS that i dont have time to draw without fucking up my sleep schedule but I HAVE THOUGHTS#deja lamarre#cameron molinares#kf#kf fanart#keyframes mc#?#kf mc#still wondering if i should use the olba mc tag bc of ruri#i am nOT changing her spring palette idc if she looks like discount percy in my mind it makes a perfect middle step between her step3 and s#step4 outfits#all of the drawings were made late nights so they all look kinda wonky ajkghdfk#ruri posting
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i like the car movies a lot.......
#cars#pixar cars#lightning mcqueen#sally carrera#my art#art#drawing#fanart#sketch#these r SOOOOOOOO messy dont worry abt jt#i love sally n mcqueen so muhcnman#sally the love of my LIFEEEE#also his pyjamas in the court sketch r. bc i asked my pals what we think he was wearing when he got separated from mack. bc its SO funny to#imagine him in his pjs in court trying to seduce sally#like realisitclally hes probably not. they peobably gave him a change of clothes he did in fact make a mess#but man.....the idea of him stood there in his own branded pjs . .....it enamours me#temporary wheelchair user mcqueen after his crash is reel to me <3#he doesnt even need it for that long but by god he decks it out#note that they have rings on in the cars 3 ones...theyre married...#the second one is all sally when she arrived at radiator sprrriiings i rhink of her too much#ft flo & sheriff#ur sheriff. ur watching the road leading into town (even the towns basically dead anyway noones fucking coming in so ur legit just sat ther#eating lunch and thinking abt ur husband). a blue porsche rolls in and ur like huh. a visitor. thats new. the porsche suddenly just gives#out in the middle of the road and ur like. oh shit lemme call mater. before u get the chance to do that u r cut off by the LONGEST BEEP#IN HISTORY as sally carrera#burnt out from lawyering#slams her head on the wheel and yells FUCKKKKKKKKKK. this is MY canon now.#sheriff watching a stressed 20 smth in a business suit repeatedly knock her head against her steering wheel while muttering about#how this Has to be her annoying bosses fault somehow#wondering if he should offer her some help or just let her get it out of her system
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Guess what I've been doing last night (and by last night I mean I couldn't sleep and got up again at 1 am and was awake 'till 5am or smth.... :D told ya my sleep schedule is in shambles by now)
Yeaah..I am actually suprised it took me this long to squeeze them onto my most favorite universe of all...so..yeah.. hit the old fantasy- and witcher playlist and well...the mind was loong gone..at this point... I feel like this is not really 100% Witcher-verse, but also a bit Skyrim-ish?...something in between but def. fantasy like..
So what came from it are some messy sketches I like very much :D even if Hoshina is a little T-posing, lol, but that's OK..
I love how I'm not even putting the names in anymore.. xD you should now my fav bois by now hopefully...
since I totally stole that badass posture from Zhen Qu'S fanart, I feel like I at least should tag the reference - LOOK at it it's amazing <3
I wonder if I will continue the series this time, 'cause I'd love to give Narumi a proper armour and there's a certain forest elve I'd like to add as well, BUT I know my adhd brain, and I'm making no promises here..
(and def. no more allnighters, I need to get my schedule fixed, I'm at a Con this weekend, I need to get up at DECENT times god dammit)
#fantasy AU#kn8#kaiju no 8#soshiro hoshina#kafka hibino#witcher AU#skyrim AU#all the fantasy franchises mixed in I guess#great another smth I started#ah well that's what the holidays are for aight?#right down corner hoshina is giving me oikawa vibes lol#(still vibing like the idiot I am to witcher music)#sorry If you can't read smth just ask#I should walk the dog now#and then stitch together my cosplay Or I'll go nowhere this weekend.#*kicks her own butt out of the internet*#icy's art
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my favourite things about xiao
i bought 2 sets of seth’s random xiao photo cards i’m excited
contents: slight slight nsfw? actually it’s not that slight but it’s not like FULL ON GRAHHHHH,, different au xiaos (modern au, idol au, high school au and also an au where he plays guitar)
i like to think about guitar player xiao, idk abt anyone else but people playing electric guitar is just so god damn attractive ESPCIALLY BASS GUITAR GOD FUCKJNG DAMMN i rlly like the way the bass sounds but i like to imagine guitar player xiao bc i wonder what those fingers could do..
i really like xiaos tattoos, this is kinda weird but if someone had xiao’s tattoo that would make them so much more attractive to me idk but i think that’s just me (i drew xiaos tattoo on one of my friends’ arm, image under the cut)
adding onto xiao’s tattoos i really like the one on his waist or lower stomach!! i feel like i’m being edged everytime i see fanart of it but they don’t show the tattoo any lower than his waist and i’m just frothing at the mouth but yea i really wanna see how low the tat goes GIGGLES SO HARD HDBDXJXJXJXJ
i like xiaos waist in general bc i really want to hold his waist if he were to hug me (or if he were to do smth else) i just like to see men small waist
i really like idol xiao but i just like to think about having the attention from the media of like, “oh my god!! who is this mysterious partner seen with the famous idol xiao??” i would like to see some angst between modern au idol xiao and his partner (aka me or aka us or aka y/n or reader)
i like to think about xiaos clothes and his shirt in game, i’ve seen so much about whether it’s a sheer shirt or if the “tattoo” on his lower waist is actually just a design on his shirt or not. i’m not sure which one i like more tbh
sometimes i think about delinquent xiao. skateboarding after school at the local abandoned skatepark, one of which we just happen to stumble across and use it as a hideout, where we meet xiao and blah blah blah whatever happens after that (idk why i associated skateboarding w delinquent xiao maybe this should be skater xiao instead)
i wanna do one more slight nsfw para but idk what to write it abt…………. i don’t want to do all the basic stuff like weiner size or fav position so imma brainstorm OK BACK right so he wouldn’t be very educated on IT right? so you’d have to be top for the first couple times before he understands it,, yes yes ik i’d rather have dom xiao too smh…..
i like xiaos quiet personality. i think i have a thing for quiet guys sometimes. i just like how they neither frown nor smile but when they smile, it’s when they’re with someone they truely care about. and i see xiao being like this. of course it’s not a huge teeth-bearing-ear-to-ear smile but more like a small chuckle or small smile that you catch out of the corner of your eye, this just makes your smile even brighter and you feel much more cheerful knowing that you’re the reason he smiled. (i really wish i had a relationship like this you don’t understand.)
#genshin xiao#xiao headcanons#xiao x reader#genshin headcanons#genshin x reader#xiao smut#genshin smut#xiao x you#genshin x you#sho xiao dumps
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ah, the comfort of fanart...
been really busy with life and more stuff, but i keep wondering and wandering back to old fanart I've made and... missing the times I can't go back to.
I really want to continue making stuff and fanart but I know I have to also focus on a much more grounded line for a while and "re-find" what makes me, me, my art my own. That includes fanart too but I need to make original stuff for a while to see what else happens and what else I can make besides what I've made of fanart (very fun stuff, but hard to show on portfolios here). Fanart is useful in portfolios imo bc it shows you can re-interpret existing IP into something else. But I want to re-focus back onto animation and for that I want to make something more original and go back to the root of roots for myself. But for that I need to re-explore stuff I like making and figure out what kind of original stuff I could make besides "OC stuff" - which is great! but lol I wanna go deeper than that.
So! been thinking of writing instead some "technical articles" on how I approach the technical side of art! that should be helpful for myself in the long-term and it would also help for any time I wanna make smth new but need to reference something I made before. Would anyone be interested in something like that? I would put it up publicly somewhere on my more "public-facing" blogs or perhaps Ptreon. I just seem to bring out "more interesting" sides of my art when I get more technical with it so it would be smth really helpful for that first part I'm trying to achieve - doing more original work.
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y’know the voicemail from breach where he asks out brim to join the jam session?
and the voicemail kinda implied sova knowing how to play a musical instrument?
anyways it made me soooo excited when there were fanarts of sova with an acoustic guitar after the voicemail; really went well with his chill, down-to-earth vibe ;w;
then later i wondered about viper and if she went to the jam session (don’t think they said anything if my memory’s correct). assuming she was in HQ at that time, i figured she hadn’t gone bc of her work and/or strong aversion to really loud noises.
so ofc what does my soviper brain come up with????
here's how i imagined it: viper will be walking back from her research lab late in the evening (early morning? 1am-ish?), physically and mentally exhausted, when she gets stopped by the most beautiful guitar notes coming from inside the main lounge area.
obvs her first reaction is wondering how strange it is for another person to be up at this late hour besides herself—she knows how particular brim gets when someone doesn't follow his curfew rule. even if the musical notes have her mesmerized, a part of her is annoyed about it since she's not really in the mood to hand out punishments on brim’s behalf when she just wants to get some rest.
(should she pretend she didn't hear anything? let them get in trouble on their own?)
(should she get it over with so that she didn't have to deal with the consequences from brim the following morning?)
eventually her feet made the decision for her as she moved closer and closer . . .
. . . and suddenly the annoyed look on her face completely melts away at the sight of sova, dressed in his pajamas and hair half-tied back, playing his acoustic guitar on the couch.
only when he finishes playing do they have their heartfelt talk.
viper will be the first to compliment his skills and mention how she never knew he played an instrument in all the times she’s known him. ofc sova would be super humble about it; he recently got his acoustic guitar months ago when brim finally started giving him more breaks, and he needed smth to entertain himself.
atp she lets him know how glad she is to hear him getting the rest he deserves, then trailing off with a casual, ‘it’s a shame i couldn’t be there. had i known you played i might’ve reconsidered . . .’
and sova just has this contemplative look from the comment before making her an offer: ‘i could give you a private session, if you like.’
‘i would like that.’
---------------------
andddddd ending this hc with a visual picture of sova playing his acoustic guitar on the couch w/viper’s head on his shoulder, eyes closed as she gets lulled to sleep listening to the soft melody ~
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sorry for the weird ask but what do you say that about the podcast? haven't caught up with it in some time and now im wondering if i should at all 💀
late(ish) reply bc i struggled to figure out how to word this in a non-rambling manner (failed, ultimately lmao)
i will say, a lot of people liked s4, and there were things i had fun w/ too (smth the show has going for it is the sound design and presentation and that was top notch in s4), so i wouldn't say my own complaints would bother you as much or make it not worth listening to, just that... it might and it certainly irritated me personally to the point of dropping it.
the biggest thing that is especially apparent to me are how flat and unrealistic the side characters are. like, that's always been a problem in the show, but holy shiiiit dude. there's so much drama and angst surrounding arthur but all of these side characters, who could have their own complex motives and thoughts towards him, are like "no arthur is my special special boy. also i just met him" (oscar cough cough) and it's. well. it makes me want to rip my hair out. like i can say with absolute 100% certainty that if arthur were a woman everybody would be like "god, such a mary sue" but LOL
there's also the feeling that i have constantly with this show of just... diminishing returns for conflict and massive inconsistencies. in the beginning of the show, i was making theories and paying attention to cool little details, but after a while i gave up because i started to feel like... it was difficult to pinpoint what elements of the story mattered / actually stuck and what didn't. if that makes ANY sense ^^;
like, i've whined about this before, but i still can't get over how little impact survival cannibalism had on arthur's psyche. i was just kinda waiting for SOMETHING more there that never came. it really feels like it was just forgotten. like... partly this is a me thing bc i like cannibalism as a horror trope and was like "yessss <- freaks" but surely it's not wrong of me to expect the horror show to have more to say about the whole cannibalism thing that apparently happened 😭
frankly there's a lot more i could say about the show as a whole but this is already long and disjointed so i'm gonna stop there. there's a designated negative tag where people, much more eloquent than me, have spoken about their own issues with the show / the creator if you wanna look through any of those posts. there's also a whole blog dedicated to how weird the show is about women, which is a whole other rabbit hole i didn't even mention here.
in all, after all of that, i still like john and arthur as character concepts, so i have a weird ass relationship w/ this show where i'm a huge hater but also i'm taking these guys with me. dont worry guys i'll get you out of there. CERTAINLY not out of the horrors, that's what i came here for in the first place, but... out of canon ^^;
TO END THAT HERE'S SOME FANART I DID AND NEVER POSTED;
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For all the reblogging of hazbin hotel I've done I've never actually watched it...
So tonight I started it, I watched the first episode ANDDDD
It's basically everything I thought it would be from the fanart LMAO. Except for like, actual plot, forgot that would be here wasn't expecting it. Cool tho love me some religious rewriting of the beginning
Alastors "this face was made for radio" I was like !!!! It's realll and it's awesome unrelatedly wonder if he has dysmorphia or smth
Adam (who I've never heard of before) is really the original dick like REALLY the *original* DICK WJAT AN ASSHOLE I EANT TO KILL HIM HOW DARE YOU TALK OVER MY SWEET LOVE FOR LIFE MAIN CHARACTER
also that song she sang (forgot her name) what a Broadway entrance song Fr like Rapunzel levels of optimism even though she's lived in hell all her life fucking crazy /pos
There's so many famous actors in this show??? What's going on it's like professional out here
Alastors got smth funky going on why is he so powerful does no one else have his powers? Why does he not want to be videoed? Like yeah yeah I get it radio the superior medium but no one normal freaks out at themselves being videoed by burning the person's hand to get them to stop like bro what's up
The angel designs are amazing they've got as little features as possible and I think that's perfect
OH ANGEL THE PORN STAR they're fucking awesome I love their whole thing like they're sooo into it and it's somehow wholesome to me. Also the "tufts people think are boobs" line got me as a nonbinary person I was like soooo real GENDER
And the grumpy guy making drinks love his thing too he's so character
The main characters best friend is probably one of the best best friends I've seen in a show. Very qpr vibes but the MC is the clueless one lmaooo esp with that whole "I love your theatrics line" wow she's so 100% supportive of her. Made a whole commercial and deal with a devil just for her, peak lesbianism what who said that
On that note alastor and angel hitting on him was so funny they should get together I think
I also have no idea of the fandom ships yet so bear with me lol
This is such a ramble omg anyway I'm enjoying this show lol first EP down
#now that i have time im finally making my way thro my mutuals hyperfixations#checking them out#gonna do dungeon meshi (WHICH I ALSO HAVEN'T SEEN AT ALL LOL) next#hazbin hotel#aethtalks#alastor#hazbin alastor#I DONT KNOW ANYONE ELSES NAMES HELP LOL#angel hazbin hotel#hazbin adam#hazbin hotel adam
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5 6 11 n 16
:]
5. Something you see in fics a lot and love Little petty bickering between Eddy and Edd <3 wtf is their problem? <3 I also dig how a good portion of fics I've come across kind of settle their interpretation of the show sometime inbetween the 90s and early 2000's. I've grown to be very fascinated with the concept of Y2k "period pieces" (that sounds so weird to say, even as someone who was significantly too young to actually "experience" that decade).
6. Something you see in art a lot and love The genre of "Edd crying" fanart I'M KIDDING I'M KIDDING (I do kind of love it sorry it is a little funny. Maybe we should chill a little though and give him some sleepytime tea instead or smth) Being serious now: I love the variety of styles people depict the characters. From those who master recreating Antonucci's art style (serious kudos to you and it always looks so stellar) to people who find ways to creatively interpret them in their own style. It is all just really fun!
11. If you're a writer or artist, what fic or piece of art are you proud of making? I'm still pretty happy with You Know I Should Be Leaving Soon. I had a lot of fun working on it, and all the wonderful responses I got were really touching (apologies for not getting back to them immediately, I've been meaning to address them in the notes of a new fic when I get around to working on that). I have an a few unfinished drawings lying around that I also like, but also I need to goddamn finish them. I hate executive function in combination with school fml.
16. A tiny detail in canon that you want more people to appreciate Edd really likes excuses to dress up and act. I mean, all the Eds do, but Edd always appears very enthusiastic to take on the role of explainer, doctor, teacher, anything that makes him out as the most professional person in the room. It is absolutely extra, but in that kind of endearing way when a kid gets excited about something they are interested in. I love it when he uses any little thing as an excuse to bring out heavy-duty scientific/medical equipment even when it is something like pulling a quarter from the sidewalk lmao.
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((hey super sorry for the ooc ask didn't know where else to say this lol, but i don't really follow rp accounts but what i've seen of yours is pretty fun! but can i respectfully request that you not spam the grimsley character tags as much as you do, i'm the kind of person who likes to check the tags of characters i like for fanart and other content and the grimsley tags have become very hard to navigate as i just get walls of your posts and almost nothing else and respectfully it's gotten a little frustrating, again absolutely nothing against the blog or the person running it but could i request you not constantly spam the character tags as much? your not forced to of course i understand wanting visibility on your blog and stuff but it's making the grimsley tags a bit hard to use for me personally))
//Ah, I’m sorry!! I’m not sure how else I would tag my content though?? I’m producing Grimsley content…so I’m tagging it as so. If you have recommendations of what else I should tag that would be wonderful, but I’m just not sure how else I would be tagging smth that very clearly fits the Grimsley tags :( sorry anon//
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merc social media admin should have kept it within the team and made that post with lewis and george instead. it would have done wonders for building team comraderie!
merc social media team has annoyed me countless times like. idk if the ai japan poster was the fault of specifically the twt admin but they sure did do that instead of commissioning an artist (or like using fanart - rbr has featured fanart a lot in their official race posters and i love it sm). and also dont quote me on this but i rmbr recently being miffed abt smth the social media admin had said abt lando, pretty sure it was smth abt how landos sprint pole shouldve been deleted (not true) so lewis could get pole. so like when i see them now sucking up to lando fans i know its just a part of the corporate game and dont rly care for it. i also think its a misunderstanding of the joke - the [total of x wins] joke is only charming when the person with the least wins / championships makes it themselves (like daniel & lando have done before). when the merc admin does it, it reads simultaneously like theyre belittling lewis's records & that they're putting down lando
that said idk how merc is choosing to present their team dynamic online so i cant comment on the george thing. idk the lore - r the girlies fighting? but i do think if theyd done that joke w george it wouldve been even more embarrassing for multiple reasons. one bc it wouldve been derogatory at george's expense (making fun of his one win). but two (& way more importantly) it wouldve shone a big spotlight on the elephant in the room - which is that since george joined the team theyve only been able to score a single win
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happy cql anniversary!! thanks to this show i got back my confidence in drawing and thats more than i could have hoped for going into 2020 tbh
#mo dao zu shi#mdzs#the untamed#chen qing ling#wangxian#lan wangji#wei wuxian#grandmaster of demonic cultivation#mdzs fanart#wangxian fanart#cql fanart#blhrhrhbbbbb late by a few hours i was wondering if i should make smth or not at first tbh#didnt want to just jump on a hashtag then i Remembered#my art
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i almost forgot to make this post but here goes. this isn’t just a witcher fandom thing, it goes for every fandom. but everyone has got to stop treating fanartists like fucking vending machines for art. harassing fanartists to draw something, trying to talk to them only to get art out of it.
a lot of people in a fandom forget that fanartists are also human and also are part of the fandom, they would also like to read funny or thoughtful posts, have conversations, make friends, and yes, see art! i feel like there is a lot of pressure for fanartists to keep making art and begin to treat their fandom interests like a practical sidejob if they gain an audience. fanartists deserve to be respected in fandom no matter how much art they produce for the fandom, they should not be valued based on their productivity or their catering to your specific desires. this used to be a lot worse a few years ago iirc, but i feel like a lot of remnants of this mentality remain.
to artist friends: i respect and love you for being my friend / mutual / acquaintance / tumblr friend / whatever you want to call it first and foremost over anything else. if you stopped making art for the fandom, for whatever reason or no reason at all, i would still love and respect you just as much as if you continued to make art. don’t feel pressured to create to keep people happy, do it for your own heart and motivations. you are not a content factory, you are a human being, and deserve to be treated like one.
tl;dr, don’t idolize anyone to the point of dehumanization, treat everyone with respect and dignity, make friends because you genuinely like the person and not because you want something specific from them, basic kindergarten stuff
edit: side note from my own tags: “#also the false line between ‘fanartist’ and ‘non-artist fan’ is a stupid fucking distinction anyways but that is another post entirely” and basically what i meant here is that anyone can create art and thus be considered a “fanartist” so imo there shouldn’t even be a distinction between ‘fanartists’ or any content creators and ‘everybody else’. anyone can create and anyone can consume.
#i feel like this is a remnant of 5th grade class politics where it was like. the 'artist kid' gets befriended only for their art#i think art can be a wonderful method for connecting with others but basically it shouldn't determine your worth as a person#this isn't a vague at all because nothing has happened recently iirc to make me make this post it is just emotions ive been thinking about#but in the past ive seen this behavior (and in the witcher fandom ofc) and it makes me mad and hurts because#no one should feel like they HAVE to produce content in order to maintain friendships. thats a shitty situation to be in#and a lot of younger fanartists / those newer to fandom get taken advantage of especially#i've seen a lot of fanartists across many fandoms make posts like 'sorry i didnt draw anything this week i dont mean to let you guys down'#and its like you should not have to apologize... this tumblr blog is not an apartment and we are not your landlords and fanart is not rent#and when fanartists just want to participate in fandom (esp. if they are a 'bigger name') they can get harassed and creeped on#loooong ass post for smth that isn't even curent drama (to my knowledge) but . i thought of this post 2 mo ago and i didnt write it untilnow#thoughts
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considering i draw fugo so much and have so many little hcs about his appearance i went ahead and drew a baby ref for him ft. his anime colors that i will most likely Never Use but theyre there in case. I somehow do my ramblings about his appearance are underneath the thingy ^_^;
Firstly to start off I kept his skin the same cause... yeah... it's redder to fit in w/ his manga colors cause that's what I prefer (even if I am anime-only atm for p5) but anyways not the point.
With his skin, there are a few things I did. First, I gave him subtle freckles and dark circles underneath his eyes, darkening/making them bigger post PHF cause you know he does Not Sleep Well after GW, though I don't think he honestly did even before. Freckles are just bc I felt like it cause I think they're cute. Scar wise, there's not too much as a majority of the scars on him with the exception of a few will be randomized essentially. One of the nonrandomized ones is obviously his face scar after PHF due to him biting the capsule. I personally like to think when he did this, he had it in the left side of his mouth so there are more scars on that side (also helps balance out his hair but that's another thing) It flakes out a bit and continues on his cheeks but's that really it. There is a rounded scar right around his jaw (it's on both sides) where Giorno had to do some... ah, let's say "reattachment" for Fugo afterward. The scarring continues down his neck where the virus started to eat at his throat and such and it's on both sides as well. Finally, there's the scar on his lower right abdomen. That's from the knife that got he stabbed with during Angelina's attack and just... essentially kept there. All the other scars are Pre PHF, the scars post-PHF he intentionally kept (for what reason I'm not entirely sure but my go-to is usually to remind him of what he went through and to sort of ground him) Onto his hair, I gave him two different styles; Pre PHF and Post PHF. Pre PHF follows his more canon hairstyle, dividing into 3 parts. I don't like how they look stiff so I made them look much softer (though I sorta do that to everyone like Abbacchio for example) in both versions. Pre PHF is just... yeah sorta that there isn't much to explain honestly. Post PHF though his hair is more grown out and longer- instead of reaching just above his shoulders it now reaches just below them. His bangs are now also side-swept to fit more of the PHF style and because I saw this wonderful Fugo fanart and got obsessed with it and it actually gave me a good way to stylize Fugo's hair to make him easier to draw for me at the time. Colors are colors, though I did just sorta free hand the anime colors cause I was lazy so his hair is a pit too pale and his suit is the wrong color but I honestly don't really mind; i sorta like the paler hair anyways LOL might work around that and fit the suit to match it better so we'll see... Everything else is just sorta basic stuff so I'll leave it at that !! I plan to do everyone in the bucci gang at some point, Fugo just happened to be the first cause I draw him so much and wanted an easy ref for myself lol. If you read all this uhmmm thank chew!!! Here's a little prize of what Im working on rn that should be done soon :3 If I missed anything in his ref to talk abt here I'll add it later or smth idk
#jjba#jojo#jojo's bizarre adventure#golden wind#vento aureo#phf#purple haze feedback#yeahhh we doin it too#pannacotta fugo#erm dats really it lol#anyways i adore hcing fugo and his appearance i have a ton of little baby hcs#like he has these round ass reading glasses that he got from his grandma#he didnt need them for the longest time but now he does and theyre somehow perfect. he doesnt question it#its like... the only possession he kept w/ him after college and while in Passione thats sentamental#ofc later he gets the photo from Giorno but... the glasses are his like first most prized possession
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10. someone they’re holding a grudge against
i am also going to combine this ask with another one i got: 12. someone who taught them a valuable lesson
we all know and love master crepus, but can we talk about someone who probably impacted kaeya’s life and views much more than they should have?
his biological fucking dad. you know, the asshole who left him in front of the dilucs winery and forged him into a spy because we should DEFINITELY talk about him.
i may be biased and aiming for maximus hurt, but i imagine that when he was a kid kaeya idolized THE FUCK out of his father. because he was an important figure in khaenri’ah, because in the eyes of still-learning kaeya he was entrusted this important legacy to keep up with and he didnt minded losing his childhood to this because it meant having the approval and the love of his father. little kaeya in his robes toddling behind his father, handing him important paperwork and always looking up at him with a big smile! he loved his dad so much. christ
and this man repaid the trust and admiration kaeya put in him by being loving at first: sure, it’s easier to manipulate a child with affections, at first. it didn’t even costed him much, just some headpats, some unfeeling ‘i’m proud of you’ carefully masked by a sweet expression, and baby kae was OVER THE MOON and still toddling behind him as planned! this man must have had several sticks up his ass to treat his own kid like this, to feel both hope and hatred for kaeya. to treat him so coldly and distantly, to look at the progress they were making and say ‘yes, this is worth sacrificing my child for’. when he grew up a bit, kaeya learned the harsh truth that his father never actually felt anything for him except for disgust, and that must have hit him like a ton of bricks.
the grudge took time to form. it took the now adult kaeya years to stop idolizing him, to stop reporting to him, to understand that this man really was heartless and cruel and strictly goal-minded for the captain to severe the link connecting them. it took years, master crepus dying and him and diluc to separate before kaeya was fully ready to elbow his biological father out of his life. jesus.
not to mention the OTHER PEOPLE he involuntarily hurt?? courtesy of smth @uncrownedt linked me as a fanart, but master crepus holding tiny baby kaeya and looking out of the window wondering if his dad was ever going to take him back, to rip him away from the safety of the ragnividr mansion and bring him back who-knows-the-fuck-where, taking him away from baby diluc who loved his brother fiercely and his new adoptive dad. poor crepus must have spent plenty of years in anxiety that this was going to happen. because a man who abandons a child in the rain would have come to take him back for his uses just as easily. master crepus probably ordering adelinde to double-check that all the doors and windows were locked and checked on kaeya as he was sleeping quite often, just... you know. in case somebody was going to take him away again.
i don’t think that a man this pragmatic and cold took kaeya retiring from being ‘the hope of khaenri’ah’ well, so i raise another sad headcanon: kaeya having letters from his bio father, and those keep coming even today, one every few months. they’re filled with distante, venom, disappointment, lowkey insults, scathing questions, calling him ‘’the god’s brainwashed pet’’. completely dropped the ‘loving dad’ façade because he figured out he wasn’t working anyway. letters filled with verbal abuse, with manipulation, with anything horrid a parent can say to a child both out of desperation for their plans of glory sinking and utter HATRED for the child that kaeya was and still is
in extreme cases, kaeya has no problems in pretending that a person never existed and meant anything to him. it’s easy: he just has to erect bigger, stronger barriers around himself, and no matter how much the other person knocks on them and begs/orders to be readmitted in: kaeya’s mind has already scinded himself from them, to never return.
yet, he feels like this isn’t the last time he’ll hear of him.
kaeya HATES him; for his lost childhood, for the pragmaticism he was treated with, and for being related to that individual at all. he doesn’t KNOW why he had to be the one to endure this, khaenri’ah had plenty of adults more willing to do the dirty deed, but he was chosen and his life was revolutioned. and then he feels nothing at all towards him, because his father was and has always been master crepus. master crepus, with his warm hugs and smiles and acting a bit like a child himself around small kae and small luc. master crepus, who saved him from the cold of the rain and warmed him up in his arms until kaeya cried his little heart out one last time before acting as the spy. the cold man who he remembers from his childhood is NOT his father, so why bothering to feel anything towards him? this is the less angsty kaeya has ever been over something: it’s just gone, poof, out of his mind and out of his heart.
despite having cut his father off for the rest of his life, he keeps the letters sent to him without even reading most of them. his father taught him the lesson that trusting is for fools and love is easily given and taken away, and that people may turn to you in a second if you don’t follow their whims. that blood family is sometimes weaker than the adoptive one, and that a child, even the most cursed one, didn’t deserved this. he would hold his child self and comfort him, while hitting himself over the fact that he can’t alter the past
oh, and that kaeya never, never wants to be like him. but the pragmatic way of thinking has been instilled into him from a young age, comes like a second skin, and he HATES it deeply.
#child abuse ;;#like. literal child abuse. fuck kaeyas bio dad#hate that man with a passion#i feel PERSONALLY for baby kae
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