#i wonder if he's aware that he can't even switch it off anymore

[pharawee]

So you see, that's where the trouble began. That smile. That damned smile.

[rootedinrevisions]

Enough for You

SUMMARY: Heavily based on/inspired by Enough for You by Olivia Rodrigo. After months of chasing storms and harboring unspoken feelings, the moment of truth finally arrives. When Tyler returns to the team with someone new by his side, it shatters the hope you secretly held onto. In the aftermath of his abandonment, you're left grappling with heartache, wondering why you were never enough for him. As Tyler tries to make amends for leaving, the conversation takes a painful turn when he confronts the feelings he never knew existed. But some apologies can't fix what’s been broken, and all you want is to go back to the way things were—before you let him into your heart.

WARNINGS: Angst. Unrequited love.

WORD COUNT: 6.3k (sorry, not sorry)

Note: This is angsty as hell! I've been going through some heavy stuff in my personal life that has me feeling extra angsty. This fic is filled with angst and heartbreak so just be aware. This is how I'm coping with what I'm dealing with in my own life. Hope you enjoy xx

TAG LIST: @omgbrianab I @shanimallina87

The bathroom mirror reflected a version of yourself you’d rarely put on display. Your hair was curled just the right way, and your makeup, while subtle, was meticulously done. You hadn’t planned on going all out like this initially, but after scrolling through pictures of girls Tyler had been seen with—girls with flawless hair and expertly done makeup—you couldn’t help but wonder if that was what it would take for him to notice you.

Tyler Owens. The name that had taken up too much space in your mind for the past several months. He was more than just the leader of The Wranglers team or your boss; he was the man you’d fallen for. Hard. And you didn’t just want him to see you as a friend anymore.

The rest of the team was downstairs already, probably gearing up for the day’s shoot. Normally, you’d be there early too, grabbing coffee with Boone or discussing ideas with Lily. Today, though, you needed these extra few minutes. Maybe, just maybe, today was the day Tyler would finally notice you.

You gave yourself a final look, smoothing down your shirt, and headed out of the room. By the time you reached the lobby, the team was already gathered, discussing plans for the day. 

Boone was the first to see you, a wide grin spreading across his face. “Whoa! Look at you! You clean up nice,” he teased, though his tone was genuinely complimentary.

Lily turned at the sound of Boone’s voice and smiled. “You look amazing! What’s the occasion?”

You felt heat rise to your cheeks, but you shrugged it off. “No occasion. Just felt like switching things up.”

The compliments kept coming. Dexter, who was typically more reserved, gave you an approving nod. But the one person you hoped would notice? He hadn’t said a word.

Tyler stood off to the side, his focus on something entirely unrelated, fiddling with his storm-chasing gear on his truck. He didn’t even glance your way, and your heart sank a little.

Boone, always quick to read a room, smirked and nudged Tyler’s shoulder. “Hey, man, what do you think? She’s looking good today, right?”

Tyler paused for a brief moment, barely looking up from his equipment. His expression didn’t change as he muttered, “I’m not really the compliment type, Boone.”

Your stomach dropped at his response. You had been hoping—no, counting—on some kind of reaction, but his indifference stung more than you’d expected. You tried to brush it off, hiding the hurt with a forced smile, but inside, the disappointment was palpable.

Lily shot you a sympathetic look, sensing the tension. 

Boone, never one to let an awkward moment slide, gave Tyler an exaggerated look of disbelief. “Not the compliment type? Man, give her something. She looks great.”

Tyler shrugged as if the whole thing didn’t matter. “She always looks fine,” he said simply and then turned his attention back to his gear.

Fine.

The word echoed in your head, and for the first time that morning, you felt foolish for trying so hard. You had put in all that extra effort to be noticed, to be something more in his eyes, but apparently, "fine" was all you were.

You forced yourself to join in the conversation with the others, but the sting of his words stayed with you. As the group began to move toward the parking lot to load up the vehicles, you fell into step beside Lily. She bumped her shoulder against yours lightly.

“He’s an idiot,” she whispered, offering a small, supportive smile.

You tried to laugh, though it came out hollow. “Yeah, well, I knew that already.”

But knowing it didn’t make it hurt any less.

The Wranglers’ convoy made its way out of town, the early morning sun casting a golden hue over the horizon. The team was running on fumes, both literally and figuratively, so when Boone pulled into a gas station, everyone seemed to breathe a collective sigh of relief. While the others went about refueling the vehicles and stretching their legs, you spotted a small coffee shop across the street.

A chance to bring back some caffeine, but more importantly, a chance to do something for Tyler.

Without thinking twice, you hurried across the road, the familiar smell of roasted beans hitting you as soon as you stepped inside the shop. The bell above the door chimed, and the barista greeted you with a smile. You rattled off two orders: one for yourself and one for Tyler—black coffee, extra shot of espresso. You didn’t even need to ask what he wanted; you’d known his usual for months, committing it to memory in a way that only someone who cared a little too much would.

Within minutes, you were heading back to the gas station, clutching both cups in your hands. A tiny flicker of hope sparked inside you—maybe this would be the moment Tyler noticed. Maybe the fact that you remembered his drink order without needing to ask would mean something to him.

You spotted him leaning against the truck, his arms crossed as he waited for the tank to fill. His focus was elsewhere, probably already thinking ahead to the day’s chase, completely oblivious to the fact that you were heading his way with a small gesture of care.

“Here,” you said, holding out the cup toward him.

Tyler looked down at the coffee, momentarily confused before taking it from your hand. He raised an eyebrow, almost as if he hadn’t expected it.

“Black coffee. Extra shot of espresso,” you said softly, your heart picking up speed as you recited his order, hoping the words would register with him. Hoping that he’d realize you didn’t need to ask because you already knew.

He paused for a moment, his eyes flickering to yours briefly before he gave a slight nod. “Thanks,” he muttered, bringing the cup to his lips and taking his first sip.

That was it. Just a nod. No smile, no acknowledgment of the fact that you’d remembered his exact order, nothing. The flicker of hope you’d felt moments earlier dimmed into something closer to disappointment.

You stood there, feeling a bit like a fool for expecting anything more. After all, this was Tyler Owens—the same Tyler who never gave out compliments, the same Tyler who always kept his emotions locked up tight. Why had you thought this would be any different?

You shifted on your feet, holding your own cup a little tighter. “I thought you might need a pick-me-up,” you added, trying to keep the conversation going, hoping for... something.

He nodded again, glancing back toward the others as Boone finished filling up the tank. “Appreciate it,” he said flatly, his focus already shifting away from you and back to the task at hand.

You forced a smile, though the sting of his indifference was hard to ignore. You weren’t expecting grand gestures, but maybe just a little more than a nod. With the wind knocked out of your sails, you turned and headed toward the other side of the truck, sipping your own coffee, the bitter taste mirroring the feeling settling in your chest.

Lily caught your eye from where she stood talking to Dexter, and she shot you a questioning look as if to say, How’d it go? You gave her a small shake of your head and shrugged, silently communicating that it hadn’t gone the way you’d hoped.

The team loaded back into the vehicles, ready to hit the road again, but as you climbed into your seat, you couldn’t help but feel the weight of it all. The weight of always trying, always hoping—only to come up short.

And the worst part? No matter how much it stung, you couldn’t stop. You couldn’t stop caring, couldn’t stop hoping that maybe, one day, Tyler Owens would notice you the way you’d been noticing him all along.

The Wranglers team hit the open road, the small town shrinking behind them as fields stretched out on either side of the highway. You sat in the front passenger seat of Tyler’s truck, a map spread across your lap, though you both knew you wouldn’t really need it. Tyler had been storm chasing for years, and he could practically navigate these roads in his sleep. Your job as navigator was mostly just for show, a formality, but you took it seriously nonetheless—just like being the DJ.

Tyler drove with one hand on the wheel, the other resting on the console between you, his gaze focused on the road ahead. The rest of the convoy followed behind, the team moving as one unit, always in sync, always chasing the next storm.

You unlocked your phone and scrolled through your Spotify library, stopping at the playlist you had saved specifically for moments like this. The one titled simply “Tyler.” A collection of his favorite songs, the ones you’d spent months curating, learning the words to, and playing on repeat just to feel a little closer to him.

You had watched him during countless drives, noting which songs made him tap his fingers against the steering wheel, which ones he hummed along to, and—on rare occasions—which ones he’d actually sing under his breath. The playlist was like a map of his soul, each song a clue to who he was beneath the surface.

You pressed play, the first song filtering through the truck’s speakers, a familiar beat that you knew he liked. Your heart raced a little as you glanced at him out of the corner of your eye, wondering if he’d notice.

The music filled the space between you, the silence replaced by lyrics you knew by heart—not because they were your favorite songs, but because they were his.

Tyler’s expression didn’t change. He didn’t look over, didn’t comment. He just drove, his eyes fixed on the road as if the music were simply background noise.

You shifted in your seat, trying to hide your disappointment. Maybe he hadn’t realized yet. It was still early in the playlist, after all. You tapped your fingers against your knee, silently mouthing the words to the song, hoping that at some point, he’d notice. That he’d realize you weren’t just playing random songs—you were playing his songs. The ones that made him smile or relax, the ones that you knew by heart because of him.

Another song began, this one more upbeat. You couldn’t help but glance at him again, waiting for some kind of reaction—a nod, a hum, anything to show that he recognized the playlist as his own.

But if he noticed, he didn’t let it show. His face remained unreadable, his focus unbroken as the miles ticked by beneath the tires. He was calm, in control, as always.

You felt the familiar pang of disappointment settling in your chest, but you pushed it down, telling yourself not to get your hopes up. Tyler wasn’t the type to express things outwardly. You knew that. You’d known it from the beginning, but still... a part of you had hoped that maybe, just maybe, this time would be different.

You swallowed the feeling, keeping your gaze out the window, watching the landscape blur past. The music continued, your playlist running through the songs you’d carefully chosen, each one holding a piece of him. You wanted to believe that, at some point, he’d hear it. That he’d realize how much you’d been paying attention all along.

But for now, the road stretched on, and Tyler remained as distant as ever, his silence louder than the music that filled the truck.`

A week later, after a long day of chasing storms, the team had found their way to a small bar on the outskirts of town. The neon lights flickered in the windows, casting a soft glow over the worn-out booths and the dartboard that had seen better days. You followed them inside, but your mind wasn’t on the drinks or the games of pool and darts that the others had already started.

You slipped into a booth in the corner, away from the noise, with your bag slung over your shoulder. From it, you pulled out a book—the book. It was a self-help book you’d noticed Tyler reading last week when he thought no one was watching. You had immediately ordered a copy, telling yourself that it was purely out of interest, but deep down, you knew why. You hoped that if Tyler saw you reading it, he’d think you were smart. Maybe even that you shared the same interests. Maybe he'd even come over and talk to you about it.

The cover felt smooth under your fingers as you opened it, pretending to lose yourself in the words, but really, your eyes kept darting toward the team as they laughed and played darts a few feet away. Tyler stood at the dartboard, one hand gripping a beer, the other lazily aiming for the bullseye. His concentration was unwavering, just as it had been all day on the road, but you couldn’t help but glance his way every few minutes, hoping—wishing—he’d look over and see you.

You settled back against the worn leather of the booth, opening the book to where you’d bookmarked a random page. The words blurred slightly, not because you weren’t capable of understanding them, but because your mind wasn’t truly on the text. Instead, it wandered to the what-ifs, the scenarios where Tyler would walk over, slide into the booth across from you, and ask what you thought of the book. Maybe he’d smile, that rare but breathtaking smile you’d seen a hundred times, and the two of you would actually talk. Not just the usual team banter or logistics about the next chase, but really talk.

But as the minutes passed, the background noise of laughter and clinking glasses felt like a reminder of just how far away that possibility was. Tyler was still over by the dartboard, chatting with Boone as they took turns tossing darts. He hadn’t even glanced in your direction since they’d arrived at the bar.

You tried to focus on the book again, reading the same line twice before finally giving in and glancing at him once more. Nothing. No flicker of recognition that you were there, no acknowledgment of the effort you had put into reading his book, hoping it would make you stand out.

A soft sigh escaped your lips, and you leaned your elbow on the table, resting your chin in your hand. Maybe you were trying too hard. Maybe all the little things—the playlist, the coffee, the book—were just things he’d never notice. Or maybe, and this thought stung the most, maybe you were invisible to him in that way. A friend. A coworker. But nothing more.

You looked down at the book again, reading a few more lines as if they could somehow distract you from the tight knot forming in your chest.

A few minutes later, Boone called out to you, holding up a pool cue as if inviting you to join their game. You shook your head, waving them off with a small smile, holding up the book as an excuse. Boone shrugged and turned back to Tyler, who was lining up his next throw.

For a split second, Tyler’s eyes flicked toward you. Your heart jumped, but before you could even process it, he threw the dart and turned back to the game as if the moment had never happened.

The diner was warm, the kind of warmth that came from too many bodies crammed into small booths and the lingering scent of coffee and fried food in the air. You sat across from Boone, your hands wrapped around a mug of coffee that had gone cold, staring blankly at the chipped rim. The conversation around you was a low hum, drowned out by the thoughts racing through your head.

Tyler had left without a word this morning. Just gone. No explanation, no heads-up. Just a quick exchange with Dexter about her—Kate. The girl from Storm Par. The girl who’d seemed to have swept Tyler off his feet in the last two days. You hated to admit it, but the jealousy gnawed at you, each thought of them together, of him abandoning the team, felt like another crack in your resolve.

Boone nudged your arm, drawing you back to the present. “You alright?” His voice was low, concerned, but you just nodded, forcing a smile.

“I’m fine,” you lied.

Across from you, Ben, the British journalist tagging along with the team, was flipping through his notebook, occasionally scribbling something down. You could tell he was enjoying the chaos of American storm chasing, but his eyes kept flicking toward the empty seat next to you, the one Tyler should have been occupying. Everyone had noticed his absence, but no one had said much. Not directly, anyway.

Lily leaned over, her elbow brushing against Dani as they huddled together over their phones. “He’ll call,” Lily said with forced optimism, glancing at you. “Tyler sometimes does this—goes off on his own for a bit. He’ll be back.”

Dexter and Dani nodded in agreement, but Boone wasn’t so convinced. You weren’t either. Tyler wasn’t just gone. He was with her, and it stung more than you cared to admit.

Night came, and still no word from Tyler. You’d tried calling him once, your stomach twisted in knots, but there was no answer. No response. You wanted to believe Lily and the others, that he would come back, but every passing hour chipped away at that hope.

The next morning, the skies had shifted. Clouds churned ominously in the distance, the kind of promising sight that normally would have Tyler barking orders and loading up the gear. But today, there was just a quiet, palpable tension as the team stood in the parking lot of the motel, debating whether to head out without him.

“I don’t know,” Boone muttered, arms crossed over his chest as he stared at the horizon. “Feels wrong going out without Tyler.”

You felt the same. It felt like a piece of the team was missing, the driving force behind it all, but the skies were waiting. And so was Ben. You glanced at the journalist, who had been watching you closely, eager for the action he’d come all the way from England to document. You couldn’t let his time go to waste.

“We have to go,” you said, your voice steady, even though your insides were anything but. “We’ve got the van and the RV. We can still get some good footage, even without Tyler’s truck.”

The team exchanged glances, unsure. But you stepped forward, taking the lead. “Lily’s drone can get us the close-up shots we need, and we’ve still got the cameras. We can’t afford to wait. We’ve got to keep the channel going, and we need content.”

Dexter raised an eyebrow, impressed by your sudden shift into leadership, but Boone still looked hesitant. “What about Tyler?” he asked, voicing what everyone else was thinking.

You forced a calm you didn’t really feel. “Tyler will catch up with us when he’s ready. Right now, we can’t just sit around. The storm’s not going to wait for us.”

Boone finally nodded, and with that, the decision was made. You piled into the van with Lily and the rest of the crew, leaving behind the uncertainty of where Tyler was, or when he’d come back. Ben hopped in last, his camera at the ready, his excitement barely contained as you pulled out onto the open road.

As you sat in the passenger seat, guiding them toward the brewing storm, a familiar weight settled in your chest. You were used to being the one behind the scenes, managing social media, making sure the team’s content reached the masses. But now, as the makeshift team lead in Tyler’s absence, you couldn’t help but wonder—if he ever did come back, would things ever be the same between you two?

Your fingers hovered over your phone, tempted to try calling him again. But instead, you locked the screen and turned your focus to the skies ahead. You had a team to lead now. Tyler’s absence hurt, but it wasn’t going to stop you.

The morning air hung heavy, thick with the kind of heat that settled into your bones. You were leaning against the side of the van, arms crossed over your chest, trying not to let the frustration bubbling under your skin show. Boone stood beside you, his phone buzzing on the dashboard where he’d tossed it. You both glanced at the screen as Tyler’s name flashed across it.

Boone let it ring, his jaw clenched tight. After a few seconds, it went to voicemail. Neither of you said a word, but the tension between you spoke volumes. Tyler was trying to reach out, but neither of you were ready to hear him out just yet.

Moments later, Lily’s phone chimed. She didn’t hesitate, picking it up and putting it on speaker before Tyler had a chance to duck out. "Hey, Tyler," she greeted, her voice neutral.

"You ready for the next chase?" she asked, her tone deceptively light, but you could hear the undercurrent of curiosity.

But before she could say anything more, Tyler cut her off. “No, we’re gonna need you guys for something.”

Lily raised an eyebrow, and Boone shot you a sideways glance, his brow furrowing in confusion. You mirrored his look. We’ll? What did Tyler mean by that?

Lily pressed, “Do we need to drive all the way to Sapulpa?”

Tyler’s voice was quick to respond. “No, no. We’ll come to you.”

That we echoed in your mind, sinking deeper with each moment of silence that followed. You exchanged another look with Boone, but neither of you said anything. There was an uneasy feeling settling in, but none of you knew exactly what to make of it.

Minutes later, a text from Tyler buzzed through to your phone. You looked down to see the name and address of a trailer company. “What is this?” you muttered, sharing the text with Boone and the others.

“I guess we’re about to find out,” Dexter said, climbing into the van with a shrug.

When you arrived at the lot, confusion still lingered in the air as the team climbed out of the van. The parking lot was full of trailers, rows upon rows of them in every size and shape imaginable, glinting under the afternoon sun. The purpose of being here was still unclear.

Then you spotted Tyler’s truck pulling in. The familiar hum of the engine sent your heart rate spiking, but it wasn’t just him that got out.

Kate. She emerged from the passenger side, her face lit up with that same easy smile she’d been wearing ever since the two of them had met.

You felt the knot tighten in your stomach, the same one that had been there since she’d entered the picture two days ago. Dani was the first to break the silence. “You finally made it,” she called, a hint of relief in her voice.

Tyler gave her a smile as he stepped up to the group. “Ben, you stuck around,” he greeted the journalist, shaking his hand as Ben nodded.

“Turns out there’s more to this story than I thought,” Ben said, eyeing Tyler with curiosity.

Tyler grinned. “We got a new ending for you.”

Meanwhile, Dexter raised his hand in a mock salute toward Kate. “Look who it is. City girl.” He shot her a grin that was almost welcoming. Almost.

Lily wasn’t far behind. “What’s up, Kate?” she asked, sounding a little too casual as she strolled over to them.

Kate smiled, sliding easily into conversation with Dexter and Lily like she had been part of the crew all along. You watched as they started chatting about storm footage, Lily showing her clips on her phone from the chase the team had gone on without Tyler and Kate. It wasn’t just that they were talking, though. It was the way Kate’s eyes lit up at the footage, the way she leaned in closer, asking about Lily’s drone.

"Can you rig that drone to collect data?" Kate asked, her interest piqued.

Lily nodded, explaining how Cairo, her drone, worked and all the modifications she’d made. Watching Kate take such an interest in the team felt like watching her slip further into Tyler’s world. A world that, for so long, had felt like yours.

Tyler, meanwhile, was making his way over to Boone, clapping a hand on his shoulder. "Hey, buddy," he began, his voice sincere. "I’m sorry."

Boone didn’t look at him, his jaw set. "Man, you abandoned me," Boone muttered, his voice tight with hurt. "I don’t know nothin’ about no makeup-"

Tyler cut him off with a smirk. “How about we launch some new rockets?”

Boone’s expression shifted, the tension breaking as he perked up. "You said rockets?" His tone was a mix of surprise and cautious excitement.

Tyler nodded, a grin forming. “I did.”

For a moment, it felt like the old Tyler and Boone—the way they always found common ground no matter what. But that still left you.

Tyler turned toward you, taking a few steps in your direction, his face softening. "I’m sorry," he began, but before he could get out anything more, Dani and the salesman walked up.

The apology hung in the air, unfinished, as you stood there, watching him. He hadn’t called you, hadn’t reached out directly. And now, standing in front of you with Kate by his side, the apology felt... hollow.

The van's engine hummed steadily as you followed behind Tyler’s truck, the road stretching endlessly ahead. You hadn’t spoken a word since leaving the trailer lot. The silence between you and Lily was thick, heavy with the weight of everything unsaid. Outside, the sky was bruised with the remnants of a setting sun, casting long shadows over the landscape. But inside the van, it felt like the world had dimmed.

Your eyes were locked on the truck ahead, on the faint silhouette of Tyler’s head just visible through the back window. You knew Kate was sitting there, right beside him, and the thought twisted in your chest like a knife. You blinked, trying to hold it together, but the tears came anyway, silent and hot as they slid down your cheeks.

Lily glanced over at you, her brows knitting together in concern. She didn’t say anything at first, just watched you quietly, giving you space. But you could feel her eyes on you, the way she hesitated before speaking.

“Hey…” her voice was soft, cautious. “You okay?”

It was a ridiculous question, really, but it was all she could say. You shook your head slightly, trying to wipe the tears away with the sleeve of your jacket, but they kept coming, harder now.

Lily sighed, her hand reaching across the seat to give your arm a gentle squeeze. She didn’t need to say it—you both knew. She had been the only one who knew. The only one you had confided in about how you felt about Tyler. She had believed, just like you, that maybe he’d wake up and see what was right in front of him.

But now... now it was clear. He had found someone else. Someone more exciting, more interesting. Someone like Kate.

The tears fell faster, and you pressed your fist to your mouth, trying to keep the sobs at bay. But your mind wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t let you escape from the reality of it. Tyler hadn’t just left you behind. He had abandoned you without a second thought, without even realizing how much it hurt. One second he was there, and the next he was gone. Gone like you meant nothing.

And you were left wondering what you’d done wrong. Why you were never enough.

Lily’s voice broke through the whirlwind of thoughts. “You know… none of this is your fault, right?”

You let out a shaky breath, but didn’t respond. How could it not be? You must have done something—been something—wrong for him to walk away like that, like you didn’t even matter.

“He’s a fool, you know,” Lily continued, her voice firmer now. “I really thought he’d pull his head out of his ass eventually. Realize what’s right in front of him.”

You swallowed hard, your voice barely above a whisper. “He never even saw me.”

Lily didn’t argue, and you were grateful for that. Because it was true. Tyler hadn’t seen you—not the way you wanted him to. You had spent so long hoping, waiting for him to notice, to realize that you loved him more than anyone ever could. But he didn’t. He found someone else instead, someone new and shiny like Kate.

Your thoughts spiraled further, the pain gnawing at you from the inside. You could barely breathe through it. God, Tyler couldn’t have cared less about someone who had loved him more. Loved him with everything you had.

“I’d say he broke my heart,” you whispered, your voice trembling, “but I think he broke a lot more than that.”

Lily’s hand was back on your arm, squeezing tighter this time. “You deserved better. You still do.”

You nodded, though it didn’t feel like that right now. All you’d ever wanted was to be enough for him. Just enough to be seen, to be cared for the way you cared for him. But that had been too much to ask.

The miles passed by, the road stretching endlessly ahead, just like this ache inside you. You watched the truck in front of you, the taillights glowing faintly as Tyler drove on, oblivious. You couldn’t help but wonder if he ever thought of you at all—or if he was too caught up in Kate’s orbit now to even notice the wreckage he’d left behind.

You turned to look at Lily, her eyes full of empathy. “I don’t think I ever stood a chance, did I?” you asked quietly.

Lily’s lips pressed into a thin line, and she shook her head softly. “No. I don’t think it was ever about you. He’s just… lost. But that doesn’t make it hurt any less.”

You nodded, feeling that hollow truth settle in your bones. You weren’t sure what hurt more—the fact that he didn’t see you or the realization that you might have been waiting for someone who was never really yours to begin with.

The air was still, thick with the calm before the storm. The team had scattered, gathering near the RV to eat lunch and regroup before they moved on. Laughter echoed from where Dani, Dexter, and Lily sat in lawn chairs, enjoying the brief pause in the chase. Ben, Boone, and Tyler stood near Tyler's truck, their conversation drowned out by the low hum of the wind sweeping across the open field.

But you weren’t with them. You hadn’t been all day.

You sat alone in the van, the door open, your legs pulled up to your chest as you rested your forehead on your knees. Your eyes were closed, trying to block out the ache that had settled deep inside your chest. The tears had dried, but your face still felt tight from the tracks they left behind. You just wanted to disappear, to not feel the way you did.

Tyler’s laughter drifted over from where he stood with the others, and the sound made your heart twist painfully. He had no idea, no clue what was going on inside you.

Until Lily caught his eye.

She saw him glance toward the van, saw him hesitate, his body half-turned as if he wanted to approach but wasn’t sure if he should. She knew it was only a matter of time before he’d find out—before your carefully hidden feelings were laid bare. The thought of you sitting there, hurting like this, was eating her alive.

With a deep breath, Lily made the decision. She walked over to where Tyler stood, tapping him on the shoulder.

“Tyler, can we talk for a second?”

He glanced down at her, eyebrows raised in curiosity. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

Lily glanced toward you in the van, then back at Tyler. Her voice dropped to a more serious tone. “It’s about her. I think... I think you need to know something.”

Tyler’s expression changed instantly. His eyes followed hers to where you sat, and he felt the weight of her words before she even said them. “What is it?”

Lily sighed. “She’s not just upset about the team. About you leaving. It’s more than that.” She hesitated, then spoke more quietly. “She’s been hurt by you bringing Kate on board. Especially without saying anything.”

Tyler frowned, confusion flickering across his face. “Hurt? Why would—”

“She cares about you, Tyler,” Lily interrupted. “More than you realize.”

The words hit him like a punch to the gut. He stood there, frozen for a moment, processing what Lily had just told him. “Wait… you mean…?”

Lily nodded. “She’s had feelings for you for a long time. And when you left, it broke her. Then when you came back… with Kate...” Lily trailed off, not needing to finish the thought. The silence said enough.

Tyler felt the weight of it all settling on his shoulders. Guilt gnawed at him, the realization sinking in. He looked back toward you, sitting alone in the van, your back to him.

“Damn…” he muttered, running a hand through his hair. “I didn’t know.”

“I know,” Lily replied softly. “But now you do.”

Tyler gave her a nod, his jaw clenched as he turned and started walking toward the van. His footsteps were slow, hesitant. The closer he got, the clearer it became—he hadn’t just hurt you by abandoning the team. He’d hurt you far worse without even realizing it.

He stopped halfway to the van, watching you. He could see it now—the tension in your shoulders, the way your head was bowed like you were trying to hold everything inside. It gutted him. But he wasn’t sure if approaching was the right thing to do.

After a moment, he made the choice. He walked the rest of the way to the van, coming to a stop just beside the open door. You didn’t look up at first, didn’t acknowledge his presence. But you knew he was there.

He sat down beside you, careful not to sit too close. The silence between you was thick, heavy with everything unspoken.

“I’m sorry,” Tyler started, his voice low. “For leaving. For abandoning you guys. It wasn’t fair to put all that on you.”

You still didn’t look at him, but he saw the way your hands tightened around your knees.

“I saw the footage,” he continued, trying to offer something, anything that might make it better. “You did great. You really stepped up. Led the team better than I could have.”

You said nothing, just kept your gaze down, the ache in your chest only growing with each word. None of this was what you needed to hear.

Tyler let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look… I talked to Lily. She told me…”

At that, you finally lifted your head, your heart lurching at the sound of those words. She told him. You felt the sting of betrayal—Lily had said too much.

“Tyler, don’t,” you whispered, your voice thick with emotion.

But he didn’t stop. He needed to say it, needed to acknowledge it. “I didn’t know, okay? I didn’t know you felt that way. And I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.”

You closed your eyes, your breath shaky as you tried to keep it together. “Please… just don’t.”

But he pressed on, his voice softer now. “I do care about you. I really do. But not in the way you want me to.”

Those words felt like a slap, and you swallowed hard, fighting the tears that threatened to fall again.

“I don’t need your apology,” you finally said, your voice trembling despite your best efforts to stay strong. “I don’t need your pity either.”

Tyler’s brows furrowed. “It’s not pity. I just… I want to make things right.”

You shook your head, letting out a bitter laugh that was more of a sob. “You can’t fix this, Tyler. You can’t just… say you’re sorry and make it all go away.”

He watched you, pain flickering in his eyes. He hated that he had done this to you, hated that his actions had caused you this kind of hurt.

“I never asked for much,” you whispered, your voice breaking. “I just wanted to be enough. Enough for you to notice me. To see me.”

Tyler looked away, guilt settling in his gut like a lead weight. “I’m sorry.”

The words fell flat. Meaningless.

You turned away from him, trying to gather the pieces of yourself that felt so shattered. “It was just a stupid crush anyway,” you muttered, forcing a small, hollow laugh. “I’ll get over it.”

But both of you knew that wasn’t true. It wasn’t just a crush. It had been so much more than that. And now… now it felt like you had lost something you couldn’t get back.

Tyler sighed, rubbing his hands over his face. “If there’s anything I can do—”

“There’s nothing you can do,” you interrupted, your voice firmer now. “I just want to go back to before. Before I met you. Before I let myself believe there was a chance.”

He stayed silent, not knowing what else to say. He had broken something inside you, and no amount of apologies would fix it.

You wiped your eyes, standing up from the van. “I’ll be fine,” you said quietly, though it was more for yourself than for him.

And with that, you walked away, leaving Tyler sitting there, watching you go, knowing he had lost something he didn’t even realize he had.

[kyrviu]

𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫, 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐞

prompt: realizing they’ve fallen for you

⭒pairings: wanderer, kazuha, tighnari, and xiao x gn! reader.

⭒genre: fluff

⭒warnings: none!

⭒authors note: happy new year! long time no see, I took a week off right after finals because I desperately needed it lmao uni kicked my ass this semester. now that I'm back the requests are open! not to mention that I’ll be working on 3 fics after this one. in the meantime, please enjoy ♡

wanderer

“i simply can't stop thinking about them, it's driving me crazy”.

when you're not looking, he can't help but sneak glances at you. his eyes move to every little detail about you, from your eyes to your smile to the way your hair moves in the wind. he could sit for hours sitting and admire you.

your heart starts to race as you feel his eyes on you. you contemplate his apparent interest in you. 'why is he staring at me' you think to yourself. you switch your attention to him and prepare to ask him if anything is wrong. to prevent you from catching him, he will quickly retaliate by turning his head away. however, you could still see redness edging its way up his cheeks and ears. 

everyone is aware that the wanderer rarely laughs or smiles. he maintains a constant, strong, and mysterious demeanor. the wanderer's mystery can be traced to the fact that he has encountered more pain and sorrows in life than other people.

however, he occasionally lets his strong exterior slip when he is alone. he would unwind and occasionally he talks about his adventures with you and things he saw along the way halfway through the conversation he even grins in your direction.

then it hits him…

the wanderer is in love with you.

kazuha

"hold my hand"

everyone around you knows you two belong to each other, It almost seems too nice to be true how well attuned you are to one another. You are permanently attached to his side, otherwise, he would start looking for you. He can't stand to be apart from you even for a second.

however, if only kazuha would realize.

if only kazuha would realize that friends don’t play flirtatiously with each other. There are moments when it goes on for too long and you can't know if it's a joke or not anymore, making you both stutter and shyly look away from one another, hoping your hearts would calm down.

if only he’d realize that friends don’t feel sparks around them whenever one of you touches the other accidentally. Whether it’s a quick graze or when he holds your hand longer than usual while walking around.

without a doubt, friends do not compose haikus and poems about one another. whenever he wrote a haiku about you or about something special you witnessed together, he would always read to you quietly as you were curled up by his side

Why hasn't he noticed that what we do is more than simply friends? you keep wondering. It's quite frustrating not to know where you guys stand anymore since the lines are so blurred. As soon as you notice him moving towards you while smiling gently at the sight of you, all of your thoughts immediately scatter away. you would rather stay like this than ruin everything you guys have with one another.

Little did you know he’s secretly loved you all along.

tighnari

“ don’t overwork yourself for my sake (y/n)”.

even though tighnari is a researcher & a forest ranger words and communication aren’t his best forte especially when he’s around you. to him it’s the little gestures he does for you that speak louder than any form of words would.

always has your best interests in mind. He always makes you a cup of coffee whenever you are helping him with his research, working through the night.

tighnari would ask if you were all right when he notices that you started rubbing your eyes from exhaustion.

However, despite the coffee, you still managed to fall asleep in the midst of all of your papers and research that piled up at your desk. tighnari smiles as he makes his way over to you and drapes a blanket over your sleeping body.

watching how peaceful and comfortable you seem to be sleeping. smiling softly, he leans down and whispers into your ears. “sweet dreams, my love”. you are unsure if you heard him clearly or not due to how worn out you are, thus you decide to disregard it for now.

one thing for sure is you both are obliviously pinning for one another.

xiao

"i wanna show you something".

it takes place during the lantern rite, similar to the wanderer, xiao would steal looks your way to admire how the lantern illuminated your face and cast a soft glow into your eyes. as the two of you were walking around you can feel the air filled with the spirit of the festival and the enthusiasm of those around you.

little kids are seen rushing around with lanterns. you also notice that many of your friends are gathered in smaller groups to enjoy the festivities. when they wave at you and xiao, you smile to yourself the joy on their faces rubs off on you making you wave back eagerly. 

since practically everyone attending the lantern rite is either accompanied by people who are close to them or couples, there is still tension in the air between the two of you. however, as much as xiao means to you. you and him are just friends, right?

you both attempt to avoid crowds as much as you can, therefore xiao suggests a location that not many people are aware of. He whispers softly, "you can see everything from up here”. It was a location on top of a mountain next to large buildings where you could view the entirety of liyue harbor, the mountains in the distance, and the sea shimmering from all of the lights that decorate the sky. 

perhaps its the atmosphere of the festivities, or maybe it's the reality that he is by himself with you, or maybe the awe on your face as you take in the scenery is all he needs to see to know he loves you.

[dropitlikeapeong]

Waiting for You: Chapter 2-

But why?

Genre: more angst (kinda.. it could've been worse)

CW: Swearing(and lots of it). Seeuns a jerk (a little bit!). mentions of food. Y/n's probably getting fired. mentions of jealousy. suggestive mentions (makeouts, hickeys and love bites) NONE are happening in this chapter, they're only mentioned.

This chapter is not as angsty and sad as it could've been, and thats okay because I still got the next few chapters to torture you with :D

This one's a bit longer than the last one so woohoo. I apologize for any spelling mistakes (my eyesight is a joke) if im forgetting to add something in the cws, please let me know and i hope ya'll enjoy.

Likes, reblogs and comments are very appreciated.

"Let's break up."

"we're done, y/n."

"I don't want us, anymore"

"we're done."

"Goodbye Y/n."

Not a single explanation given, he just simply let you know that it was over, and left. Instead of an evening that usually ends with watching yours and his favourite shows on netflix with some snacks, cuddling and a little makeout in between, your evening ended with you crying yourself to sleep wondering what went wrong. Sadly the world won't stop spinning solely for your heartbreak, and you are very much still needed at work today.

Having slept through the alarms your now ex-boyfriend always set for you, you are forced get up by the several incoming calls and texts from your supervisor and your coworkers. After your phone finally stops vibrating, you sit up in your bed to scroll through the many texts from your friends, Jiwoo and Hana;

Jiwoo: WHERE TF ARE YOU?!- sent 06:18

Jiwoo: you were the last one to leave work last night, you have the office keys now we can't get in- sent 06:20

Jiwoo: also we agreed yesterday you're in charge of the picking up the boys' food, im driving them to the photoshoot- sent 06:21

Jiwoo: and no i will not switch shifts with you again- sent 06:21

Jiwoo: BITCH ISTG- sent 06:52

Jiwoo: we got a spare key. thanks for nothing asshole.- sent 07:05

Well... Jiwoo's mad. You'll have to make it up to her later, and from the looks of it, Hana as well.

Hana: If you value your job, get your ass over here quickly. I can only stall Manager Park for so long- sent 07:52

Hana: and no i'm not gonna tell them you're calling in sick- sent 07:52

Hana: Youre on the meal shift, you not allowed to call in sick today- sent 07:53

Hana: IF YOU DONT PICK UP THE FCUKING CALL ISTG- sent 07:58

Hana: lol, tried to save ya, Manager Park is pissed.-sent 08:14

Hana: And youre on meal shift tomorrow as well since jiwoo had to get the boys' coffee today. YOURE WELCOME.- sent 08:15

hana: AND youre the one who promised the maknaes brownies today, not us, so have fun explaining to them why they arent getting any today- sent 08:18

Hana: im mad at you in case you cant tell.-sent 08:18

Aside from the spam of your upset friends, your main motivator to get into the shower was a singular text from Manager Park letting you know that if you didn't show up at work today, to not bother showing up tomorrow. Or the next day. Or the day after that.

So you rush through your shower routine, grab your bags and your keys and a fruit on your way out of your home, to at least try and salvage this day, and not piss off your friends or your other colleagues even more.

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

While driving to work, your thoughts end up drifting back to last nights events. When Seeun broke your heart and left you crying on your living room floor.

Later today one of the staff that were aware of your relationship would be coming around to pick up anything and everthing of his that he might have left in your apartment, during your one year relationship.

'It's for the best' he says. Best for who? Him? Did the CEO find out about you then tell him to end things? that would make sense, however with how clingy he was toward you at work and in front of everyone, it was quite difficult to keep your relationship secret, even from the CEO himself.

After he caught Seeun trying to sneak into one of the supply closets with you, you were both called into his office for a very important discussion about "fraternization in the workplace". He'd given you both a stern yet kind warning that if anyone outside of the company found out found about this, it'd mean a lot of trouble, especially for you, so you needed to be careful.

'Guess there's no need to worry about that anymore.' you thought to yourself.

You make a stop at the sandwich bar across the company to pick up the boys' lunch as well as the brownies you promised, even though you told them you'd bake them yourself, you were unfortunately too preoccupied with dealing with heartbreak their friend caused. Hopefully they'll understand right? Of course they wouldn't they didn't even know you two were a thing. Wait, maybe that's his issue;

What if he saw you with someone else? Maybe thats why!

Could he have seen you with another guy and overthought the situation? You obviously have some male coworkers that you chat with sometimes, but your conversations are always respectful. Even if someone does flirt with you, you always kindly let them know you're not interested.

Him worrying about you leaving for another guy seems highly unlikely, but not impossible. He does tend to have a bit of a jealous streak, epsecially when comes to you being around his bandmates.

With the job of prepping their equipment and clothing for performances, Bringing them their food and drinks and driving them to their many different events since their debut, it's no surprise that you'd eventually grow close to the ten boys. it is how you and Seeun started dating after all, but considering that could get you into an insane amount of trouble, your relationship with him remained a secret, even from the rest of the group.

That secretiveness unfortunately made some of other members comfortable enough to have some flirty conversations with you.

Its kinda suprising how neither of them even suspected you two, with how Seeun would constantly be caught staring daggers at Hunter for constantly offering to take you out on a date after dance practice. Considering Hunter's personality, you know he's probably joking, but it still didn't stop your boyfriend from angrily muttering about how he needed to back off, because you're his and his only.

I mean, at least you were.

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆

Finally you arrive at the company just in time to deliver lunch to the boys. Once you reach their practice room they're all lying on the floor sprawled out, in different corners of the studio. Jiwoo continues packing up their sound equipment not even sparing you a glance, still very much upset from this morning. You'll have to buy her lunch later to make up for it.

They're all too exhausted from rehearsals to pay any attention to you, so you figure you can sneak in, leave them their food and sneak back out unnoticed, but today is just not your day.

"Y/NNIE!!", is all you hear before a strong pair of arms wrap around you and lift you off the ground, squeezing you tightly.

So much for sneaking out unnoticed.

"Hunter, I can't breathe." He gives you one last squeeze before setting you on your feet again, smiling down at you.

"Where were you this morning? We missed you!" Yujun asked while rummaging through the bag of food you brought.

Now everyone's eyes are on you as you try to explain your absence from this morning but your wonderful ex pipes up before you can even speak.

"Who's 'we'?" he scoffed, while the other members laughed, your smile dropped as you tensed at his response.

Right. He always had to tease you a little to make sure his favoritism of you wasn't too obvious, although according to Hyunwoo, it only makes it more obvious that he likes you, hence everyone just laughing off his comment. Even you would just laugh off his antics knowing he'd give you all his hugs and kisses later, as an apology in case he was a little too mean.

But after last night's conversation, today's joke isn't really that easy to laugh off.

"So Y/n, where were you-Are you crying?" Yechan asks and now everyone is moving in closer to see what was wrong with you. When did you start crying? You quickly wipe at your face but Seeun grabs your wrist, his other hand moving up to as if to caress your cheek, him looking down at you with concern with concern in his eyes, that concern disappears immediately, as he laughs in your face.

"Wait are you really crying?" he sneered. What is this?

This is not his usual teasing, he's really just trying to hurt you.

But why? Why is he being like this?

"Aw, Y/nnie you know I'm just joking, no need to be a baby about it-" he goes to ruffle your hair but you instinctively slap his hand away from you.

He looked a bit shocked at your actions but that expression quickly changed into a mocking smirk.

"Woah, calm down, why are you being so moody today?"

"Y/n just had a bad morning guys, we all have those don't we?" jiwoo spoke up. You weren't really expecting her to defend you after her texts from this morning, but you were grateful nonetheless.

"Yay! You brought the brownies!" the exchange between you two is quickly forgotten as the rest of group rushes off to where Yujun is holding the box of brownies.

"Hey, these are store-bought you said you'd bake them-"

"Who cares, I want one!"

"Hey! hEY- DON'T EAT ALL OF THEM! We're supposed to share!!"

While they all bickered over the bags of food, you backed away silently trying to make your way to the door, but bumped into someone, you turn around to see Seeun glaring at you.

"Watch where you're going idiot." He muttered walking over to where the rest of members were already sitting down and eating, leaving a dull ache in your chest.

What was his problem? Why was he acting as if you're the one who hurt him?

You were tempted to ask but Jiwoo grabbed your arm and dragged you towards the door.

"We need to go see Manager Park right now, but we'll be back in a few minutes. Enjoy your lunch guys!"

Once the door is shut, you are then dragged off to yours and Jiwoo's shared office.

"I thought we had to go to Manager Park-"

"Yes. You do. In an hour or so;"

She then shoves you into your chair and stares at you expectantly.

"I know you're probably so mad at me right now- and you have every right to be-"

"-Apology accepted. You'll pay for my lunch later. Now onto more pressing matters, what's up with you and Seeun? You guys were so tense just now! Did you guys fight or something?"

You roll your eyes and sigh at her nosiness. You had planned on keeping the relationship a secret from her and Hana as well, but they put two and two together when you had gone into his dressing room to 'help him with his stage outfit', and came back with hickeys littered on your neck and collar, and bite marks on your shoulders and chest(you probably shouldn't have worn a sleeveless top that day).

Although there was a lot of concern about how things could easily go very wrong with this, they were still very happy for you and being the good friends they were, they promised not to tell a single soul.

"We broke up." Her mouth fell open, with her eyes widened in shock.

"Uh.. O-Okay?? Why??" She asked incredulously.

You shrugged, wishing you knew that answer as well.

"Jeez so that's why he's been so sour this morning, you broke his heart!" she says slapping your arm lightly and you narrowed your eyes her.

"First of all; He broke up with me-"

"-The fuck? Why?"

"Beats me." you leaned back into your chair closing your eyes.

"Well shit, then what the heck was he mad at us for?" you sat back up at that.

"He got mad at you guys?" she nodded and sat on you desk.

"He was so snappy with everyone this morning, no one knew what his deal was."

Before you could ask her for more information, the door opened and Hana rushed in, slightly out of breath.

"Manager Park is looking for you- and wants to see you in the practice room. Right now."

"Me? I thought he wanted to see me in hour-"

"-Change of plans. He wants to see you now and i suggest you move fast, cause he seemed pissed."

Shit.

"We all come late from time to time- hell even he was late too last week- he can't still be mad about that right?" Jiwoo asked trying to reassure you even though she seemed just as worried as you. Hana shrugged and looked at you.

"You coming?"

You exhaled deeply and stood up, following her to the the practice room.

Time to face the music.

<previous chapter :: next chapter>

[gyarucoded]

gimme a sec i need to talk about this !!

so i saw a long ass reblog under an anti-sylki blog that started off as something like "actually loki & sylvie has good romance chemistry meanwhile loki & mobius doesn't have any romance chemistry at all"🤓– and in this moment i went "alright best frien i'm not reading all that" then went to block instead of arguing.

didn't try reading that bullshit of a post further either just to anger myself, i know better.

i especially didn't wanna argue cuz i think that was a child..??? (assuming from the miracoulus ladybug theme cuz no adult in their right mind enjoys that trash) but if i'm wrong that just makes it worse tbh, like grown ass ppl who srsly think toxic relationships should be the example of peak romance needs their brain to be studied fr.

i usually try to be respectful for others' opinion but i genuinely can't see where this opinion comes from.

makes no goddam sense to me.

maybe it's cuz i can't view things through a heterosexual lens, maybe not.

who knows?

but...(i won't make this abt lokius but focusing more on the "loki & sylvie" part) this made me wonder like...

what do sylkie shippers even post about?

no i won't check it out myself to spare myself from the headache but do they go "omg today episode's syIkie crumbs was so lovely dovely 🥺" and the crumbs in question is them disagreeing on almost everything and sylvie wanting to avoid loki as much as she can & constantly seeming to be angry at him.

sure, in s1 they did have a couple of cutesy romantic moments like being under blankets despite of them being supposedly immune to cold or the literal kiss but, it truly doesn't take a huge analyzation to realize that this "relationship" became one sided, even in that one little moment when they had to hold hands, sylvie immidiately goes "don't overthink it" like omgggsfg💀😭 and it's also clear that loki eventually got the hint, in ep3 he doesn't try to be with her anymore or gets emotional with her, he silently gave up.

not to mention loki avoiding to mention the kiss, when appearantly the two has nothing to hide? 😕

i don't know where this is gonna be heading off but if they randomly switch up after all this character & dynamic development then i have no hope for marvel's writing team cuz that would basically create a plot hole.

like aside from the psuedo-incest, that used to bother me in season 1 era but now i am concerned more about how this "ship" overall has no appeal, yet some of these ppl genuinely thinks it can work healthily between them and that ppl who are against it are just "petty that their gay ship isn't canon" when there's MORE to this.

in season 2 there's absolutely *nothing* happening with them that would make us, the audience, root for them to be together as a couple like i'm sry.

so yeah you can say i'm doing too much and too crazy over a fictional tv show (yes i know that babes i have full self awareness) but i literally cannot stress enough about how unhealthy it is to think that this is how a good romantic chemistry works.

based on a syIkie shipper's views: we could technically say that me + that one co-worker of mine who we always have disagreements on political stuff with & dislikes me for no reason is my "lover"... since we wanna pretend this is how love works 😀😀 no?

[maochira]

watching a movie and cuddling headcanons with junichi and raichi and spot (atsv) and tokimitsu and zantetsu (separately)

-🦶feetanon

feetanon. I know who you are. GO AWAY WITH SPOT this is a Blue Lock blog😭 anyways............

Requests open! - masterlist

Tags: gn!reader, established relationship

Junichi

-doesn't talk much but then he breaks into tears in the middle of the movie when it gets really emotional

-you're so caught off guard by that so you have to stop the movie and comfort him for a bit

-you end up finishing the movie together but you also insist on cuddling him the entire time because he might break out in tears about the next emotional scene

Raichi

-he clings to you the entire time. Literally doesn't let you go unless you beg because you really need to get up

-he also feeds you all your favourite snacks and won't let you eat on your own

-he comments on EVERYTHING that happens in the movie. You don't get to hear what the characters say but only Raichi's commentary on it (and that's why you only watch movies you've already seen with him)

Tokimitsu

-he's like a big cuddly teddy bear but you have to switch between who's big spoon and who's little spoon every 15-20 minutes

-every time you're the little spoon, he can't even focus on the movie because he just looks down at your face because he adores how cute you look when you're cuddled up to him

-you act as if you don't notice him looking at you the entire time, but you're 100% aware of it

Zantetsu

-he looked up a bit of trivia about the movie beforehand so he could impress you with some cool facts. But then he accidentally spoilered the big plottwist to you

-you're obviously upset about it, so Zantetsu panics a little and wonders what he should do to make you feel better

-he orders your favourite food and hopes that'll help you not being upset anymore. And yeah, it does help but you also chose a new movie in the meantime. You can't be mad at your boyfriend for long anyways

Taglist (sign-up link): @luvcalico @truegoist @vanitasbrainrot @acacIa @futuristicxie @bluelock4life @https-archangel @kaineedstherapy12 @gojosorrygeto @remy-roll

[chirpsythismorning]

Your post about Mike's guilt complex was AMAZING. I can't wait to read what you put out in the future about later seasons.

I just had a thought inspired by that. Do you think part of Mike's anger towards Lucas' desire to join the basketball team to alleviate some of the social ostracism the party faced in school may be a projection of his own shame?

To expand, Mike's own internal discontent with himself is valuing his identity in the party-- a group of 'freaks' and outcasts'-- but Mike knows that by trying to conform to something he is not (hetero), he is causing pain to himself and his loved ones. So clearly Lucas must not be conforming for good reasons either, in his mind. We know Lucas has different motivations for playing BB and genuinely enjoys it, but I think Mike is clouded by his own feelings here and doesn't see that at all.

Yes, but I think he knows it (deep down at least).

The look Mike gives Lucas at the end of the pep-rally, goes from this offended sort of annoyance, but then shifts to something a little more sad, only to go back to a less severe case of annoyed offense. And I think this is because the tables have turned and he's aware of it.

Because isn't it ironic that last summer Mike was going to Lucas for advice about his girl problems, what he looked at as 'growing up', and so that behavior arguably could have continued in s4? Mike's arc in s4 could have easily involved him trying to fit in with one of the more accepted cliques amongst the student body, with him and Lucas at least being closer based on their social circles overlapping.

But that didn't happen.

Instead what we get is a total flip in s4, where instead of Will trying to convince Lucas and Mike to play, it's now Dustin and Mike trying to convince Lucas to play.

Another part of this I can't help but think about, is how leading up to the rain fight in s3, yes Mike was focused on trying to fit into this box of what a boyfriend should be, and so he was compensating a lot to do just that. But in doing so, he got so caught up in the persona, that he didn't realize he was hurting Will in the process. And Lucas too. It's like their mutual attempts at pretending to be these mature dudes with girlfriends fed off of each other, and turned into something a little too mocky and toxic, only for it to backfire and for Will to storm out. And suddenly that's when Mike is saying that they're just 'not in the mood' and it's like.?.. What? Like, just imagine trying to use that as an excuse for bailing on a DND game to Mike in s4... Dude would have gasped in disgust. And so Mike's attempt at trying to be honest with Will in s3, by telling him that the real reason they don't want to play is because they're just 'not in the mood', is a crock of shit, seeing as Mike himself wouldn't have even been willing to take that as an excuse less than a year later.

Honestly, I think in that moment at the pep-rally, Mike was thinking something along the lines how Lucas was ruining the party for being more interested in being popular (aka growing up) than he was in playing d&d anymore (games), which is reflected in their costumes, with Lucas rocking the bball jersey throughout the day followed by sitting with the team at lunch, in contrast to Dustin and Mike sitting at the table with the club in their hellfire shirts. So in thinking that, Mike's instantly being reminded that he's not all that different from Will, and so now he's wondering why he feels the way Will did, only to push it down and put back on his face of annoyance. What this back and forth shift tells me is that Mike is stubborn (not new) and is evidently not willing to face what him switching up in such a short time, and under these specific circumstances (Will and El being gone), could possibly mean.

I do think that Lucas likes basketball. I mean it's not like he's going to hate it in s5 just because of his experience with Jason. It's likely it's going to be a sort of bittersweet thing, where he wants to appreciate the moments he enjoyed, but feels like he can't because it's been spoiled by everything that went down. Maybe he'll even feel like he's sort of betraying the party by wanting to keep playing in some capacity or something.

Which would be kind of stupid tbh, because we all know that a person should be able to have other interests outside of what they specialize in with their core friend group.

I would like for Dustin and/or Mike to have a conversation about the whole thing, like how despite everything that happened they shouldn't have blown off Lucas' game like that. Like he literally made the winning shot. That's something to be proud of. That's the kind of thing you want your close friends to experience with you.

I do think that despite the show's message of going against conformity, there's also an aspect of it that they need to explore, which is that there is a happy medium.

Yes, you should be able to enjoy what you like and how often times that might look like embracing being seen as an outcast/different, but you should also be able to enjoy things that are seen as overrated/cliche/normal without it being the end of the world.

Like, you don't need to be Eddie, insisting that you're against conformity at all levels, to the point where you assume anyone that merely enjoys things that fall in line with being seen as 'normal' means that they're against you or something.

And you also don't need to be so scared of stepping out of the line of normal, to the point where you live an inauthentic life out of fear of not fitting in.

There is a balance.

Dustin and Mike didn't have to get along with the popular crowd if they didn't want to or maybe they could have at least tried at first to see how it went. Or they could have just gone to Lucas' game and cheered him on anyways as his friends. If Lucas wants to have other friends and still hang out with the og party too, then he should be able to.

I feel like a lot of us go through that when we're really young, where it takes time to let go of those expectations and constraints we put on ourselves growing up and we eventually just let all of that go by the end of high school.

And I do think some people find themselves craving one side more than the other because this is usually after years of being stuck on the opposite side as a result of pressure put onto you (or maybe because it wasn't even in your control to begin with).

This also kind of reminds me of the difference between El vs. Will (or Mike) and how being different makes them feel.

El doesn't want to be known for being different aka being a superhero and that's because she's spent her whole life living and breathing that experience only, against her will, while Will (and Mike) have been so used to trying to be as normal as possible their whole lives, they want someone to tell them it's okay to be different.

El should be capable of embracing her powers, while also wanting to explore a life that entails normal everyday things she missed out on. Will (and Mike) should be able to embrace aspects of themselves they'd been hiding for so long (their queerness), while also accepting that normal for them doesn't have to always mean being less of who you are.

I think in order for Mike to evolve, he needs to accept that him blocking out the truth is causing him to behave in ways that go against what we've seen is his true self. We saw him go from trying to be someone he's not in s3, back to his true self in s4, only to, in that same season, revert back to being someone he's not. And we know why. So it's going to take him acknowledging that and accepting it and also realizing that accepting it doesn't necessarily mean having to overcompensate by rejecting anything and everything that on the surface seems like a threat to what makes him different. It's really just about accepting himself and being sure of who he is so that he has the confidence to live a life that is authentically him. Because when he does that, then it wont matter what anyone else is doing or what they think.

I think in order for Lucas to evolve, he needs genuine support from others around him, which will require work on their part, in a way that acknowledges why Lucas felt pressure to be more accepted (we all have our reasons, some more than others). Unlike Mike, I think Lucas playing along with treating d&d like a joke in s3, then being followed by a continuation in s4 of him again putting d&d on the back-burner, is showing that he is consistently striving for this idea something outside of a life of otherness. Does that mean he doesn't like d&d anymore? I don't think so. It means that there needs to be clarity on things from his side, and why his situation was much different from the others. Do I think Lucas' experience as a Black kid in a small town in the 80's is going to be something explored thoroughly in s5? No, probably not. I also wouldn't want that to be the main focus of his arc at the end of the story though either because the whole point of his arc is that he doesn't want what has always defined his otherness to get in the way of every aspect of his life. His arc does feel like someone who has been trapped in his otherness in a way that is outside of his control. And so having the ability to live life in the way he wants, in some cases to manage what comes with experiencing racism, but in more ways that embrace who he is regardless of the world around him, is something that I think is important for him to close off his arc in a way that is satisfying.

And I do think that given the message of the show, they have a responsibility to explore what accepting yourself looks like for all of these characters. And that includes Lucas and Max and Dustin and all of the other main characters that weren't mentioned in that David interview referring to the OGs getting their happy endings. With a 2 1/2 hour finale and apparently a 30 minute ending sequence covering all of those endings, I'm expecting something vaguely along those lines.

[abeinginsand]

Sparrow and his glasses hc: Sometime after s1, Mercedes and Henry find out he needs glasses. They only figure this out from seeing him squinting a lot or misreading stuff. He never told them himself and though he does go to the doctor/get all the examinations etc) when they ask him too...he's very quiet the whole time. Most likely switching to writing in his notepad when communicating

Quietly angry. He doesn't like all the changes and troubles they've had to go through and....to the heart of things, Sparrow dislikes having more physical differences between himself and Lark. Lark's vision is fine, he wants his own vision to be fine too! So, like Normal hiding his retainer, Sparrow keeps hiding ('losing') his glasses for at least the first few weeks of having them! And eventually, most likely his mom, figures out what he's doing. Henry and Mercedes do sit down and talk with him. However, the anger and frustration still lingers. While he promises his parents that he's accepted the glasses and won't try to get rid of them again-- Lark can tell how he's feeling and helps 'accidentally' break them at some point. And is very relieved when his brother seems much happier and more talkative again. Lark strikes me as a person that thinks its fine when he is feeling unhappy himself but whenever family is that way--he'll do whatever he can to cheer them up (usually by some unconventional ways). It takes awhile to get the glasses repaired (which in the twins' mind is great and for their parents a bit stressful but they love their beautiful boys and seeing Sparrow somewhat back to his energetic self is wonderful. I think Henry and Mercedes are probably trying to brainstorm different ways to talk with their son about the glasses again during this time (they end up agreeing to wait until after the repairs done though) Now the repair period obviously can't last forever, the whole family knows that but Sparrow is hoping it'll never end. Even daydreaming of somehow going to the repair place and fiddling with all the stuff there for more time. What really starts to get through to Sparrow is-- When he ends up getting hurt because he can't see certain things well, running into stuff when he's playing around with his brother and friends for example. Its painful sure but more annoying then anything else (little scraps and such) And the biggest push ends up being that Lark gets hurt badly somehow and Sparrow didn't notice immediately or couldn't get over to him for awhile because of poor vision (or at least his mind supplies that's one of the main reasons). So often these kind of moments bring the memory of Beary/Barry hurting Lark--killing him. And yeah that was a homunculus body but Lark still felt all of the pain, Sparrow felt too--and keeps feeling (scary, scary, scary). He starts wearing his newly repaired glasses not for himself but in the hopes that it'll help him support his family and friends. To help protect them and when he does open up to his parents about his reasons...it is a hard talk but it helps, feels like a weight is off his shoulders. There are tears too and a long hug...and things are alright! And as a adult, he's so used to wearing glasses that he hardly ever thinks about it anymore. I think Hero also wears glasses so Sparrow probably helped her adjust to hers as well. This is more of a side note, but I don't think he ever used contact lenses, because he's still aware his sight is poor even if a stranger won't notice. Also weary about pressing things onto his eyes (At least as a teen? Maybe tries them as an adult)

[sincelastsession]

My psychiatrist is an asshole.

I just asked him if complex PTSD caused any sort of auditory hallucinations because I was trying to figure out if I was having an issue or if it was just loud neighbors which he never let me explain and then he went off about medical marijuana and how terrible it was.

And he doesn't really want me smoking it but he doesn't have a save because I'm on the registry and another Doctor Approved it for pain and I'd rather you know not have to take opiates or other harder drugs to kill my pain.

He also freaked out about the amount of xanax I'm on even though he's the one that prescribed it. And I told him that I would rather not take 3 mg a day and I would like to just be able to move from where I'm living now and keep on the 2 mg plus the third milligram for emergencies and I have no idea if he changed my dosage at all.

He talked about how it would eventually cause me to have dementia and you know what I fucking hope it does. I hope it does I don't wanna remember a fucking thing about my life I really don't I don't care I would rather be clueless for getting everything and not knowing who I was or where I was honestly because that sounds a lot better than being hyper aware and hyper vigilant about everything.

Like who cares I'm 37 I'm probably not going to live to 70 at all because of all my other health problems who cares.

I literally have a heart condition that could kill me at any moment of time.

Why don't they think about these things.

I mean it's helping me everything is helping me also he was convinced that I'm still taking my adderall which I have not touched since he told me that he could not prescribe that to me while I was taking xanax and smoking weed which I understood even though I'm pissed about it.

He was excited to see the name of the psychiatrist you work with and I'm starting to wonder if I should just switch to her and if she would keep me on the correct medicine that works for me.

I would love to have 5 minutes with her to just ask her if she would actually keep me on my anxiety medicine and not wean me off until I'm doing way better. However the medicine is doing like more than one duty. It also helps me relax my muscles because I've got something going on with that that's neurological that they haven't figured out. It helps me sleep because I can't take any of the fucking sleep medicines on the market except for ambien but that runs risk of killing me with my heart condition and I've had reactions to everything else. Melatonin makes me not feel good and have horrible dreams. Can't take vista real because that will set off my heart condition. Add event only works for like 10 minutes. I'm not correcting any of these typos from Text-to-speech I really hope you can read this I don't know what to do and I don't feel like fixing it. Anyway and connipen erased my whole fucking memory from the time I was on it. And boost power did jek shit fuck nothing.

I really don't like the way I was treated by my psychiatrist and his PA today and I don't even like the way that they spoke to my mother and I had her at that appointment today so she could discuss with him that it would be a terrible idea to put me impatient which he agreed with.

He wants me to move as soon as possible to some more very quiet and safe and I need a 2 bedroom apartment that's in an area that's quiet and safe I do not care if it's in a ghetto with mostly black people I just care if I'm in a safe and quiet environment.

I was told that I'm not going to get better until that happens.

I have a massive headache and I fucking hate everything right now.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do when I'm unable to leave my apartment most days to get away from this shit and if I do leave then I end up having to spend money on something like a drink or a snack. And that's driving me insane because it's like completely unnecessary purchases. But to me I don't even know what is necessary anymore because I don't even buy myself new clothing I have it bought myself anything that didn't come from a thrift store in years.

Also fuck my sister all the way to hell to the center of the fucking Earth. She needs to fucking learn her lesson because she has been a complete fucking cunt to everybody in the family she won't get help she says she's gonna call and make appointment she won't do that my mom and dad have sat with her and offered to assist her in making appointments she won't do that all she does is either work or play with her friends or sits in her room and smokes weed and has a horrible sleep disorder that she won't get help for.

She also has an alcohol problem in her aunt just passed away At 43 years old from alcoholism and A We're genetic disorder that has to do with alcoholism and alcohol that might possibly kill Piper if she has the same genes

My mom tried to explain this to her she did not care

Apparently Piper just talks to her birth mom on the phone and makes up lies and bullshit as if her birth mom is going to come get her and take her away which I wish she fucking would honestly. But I'd like to beat her mother's ass first for all the shit I have been put through.

Also found out the name and the crimes that Piper's father has done which are horrible.

Other than giving her biological sister shaken baby syndrome he's also a fucking pedophile.

I can't stand this shit

She keeps whining to her fiance that she doesn't want to go live in a nice house with him and she confided in my mother that she hates her engagement ring even though it was one of the 3 she picked out.

If she doesn't fucking want it I will take it jesus I'm so tempted to call her fiance and fill him in on every fucking lie she's told him and ruin their relationship but then she would just try and sap off of mom and dad again

And my mom told her that if she does get married don't come crying to her or my father when she's pregnant and divorced because her fiance or her husband won't put up with her bullshit anymore.

I do think that because her father is mentally ill and my dad is mentally ill she's extra fucked up and I do think she has a form of psychopathy or sociopathy or I'm sort of personality disorder or just really really needs to go to rehab for weed and quit smoking and quit drinking and quit being a fucking dumb ass

Her and my father apparently I have learned today have thrown out so many things and donated so many things of mine without my permission also I was given mail that I told my credit union to quit sending to that address and I know that they send a letter once a month

And I did not get all of the letters that they sent because why because my dad has been opening them and he swore he hadn't opened this one which is why he knows how much money I'm spending on doordash when I'm too scared to leave my apartment because of all the bullshit going on in my anxiety

I have 2 legal years to press charges against my father and sister and I'm still trying to figure out if I am going to win at all if I even try

There are many laws about abusing disabled people. I would love to meet a lawyer that knows about all those laws and knows about all the abuse that I have gone through throughout my life and how the fuck can I Sue my family for that.

I am super mad I don't feel good I'm pissed off at my partner too right now.

My mom told me that she resented me and my sister but me especially because of how I speak to her but she doesn't realize how she comes across to me and I'm not purposefully trying to speak to her any sort of way unless I'm angry and it's reactive abuse which I understand is a problem and I should not do that and that's why I'm in therapy among other things.

I shouldn't have to go to bed at all like before midnight on a weekend just so I can get enough rest to deal with tomorrow which is supposed to be a lazy Sunday but it won't be because everybody's gonna be loud as fuck

I went through crying and sobbing and shaking and almost throwing up today just because of how loud everything was

All of the sudden my psychiatrist doesn't think I have autism he thinks I just have a generalized anxiety disorder and he didn't even make a note that I have the diagnosis of complex PTSD it's in all of my medical chart

He told me he was treating me for the symptoms of generalizing anxiety disorder and panic disorder

I don't understand why we couldn't talk diagnosis I understand that he's treating symptoms I'm not an idiot like some people and that's okay that they're idiots because they don't have a special interest in medical like me they don't know better.

But talking to me using a diagnosis is going to be easier for me to understand and understand the symptoms of that diagnosis that are being treated I'm not going to start acting like that diagnosis and lean into it just because we're using the phrase I understand that the fucking DSM is just like a fucking field guide

I understand that the human brain is so complex that we don't even have words for all the disorders that exist that most things that people are dealing with are pretty much unspecified and most of the medicine that's prescribed kind of covers those symptoms anyway

But not for me not for fucking me I've tried everything.

They I asked him about ketamine treatments and he about had a fucking fit and I still don't understand why other than he just doesn't know enough about it to recommend it and it's experimental blah blah blah

And then my father my father finds an apartment $700 a month it's a 2 bedroom or something like that at fucking Sherwood something and that's an area that is fucking dangerous as hell and I looked them up and I saw a reddit thread about how there was a shooting 10 days ago and bullets went through people's walls.

I am not doing well but I don't need to go to in patient facility Because they will just hurt me and fuck me up more

I don't know what to do I don't know how to handle it I've tried everything does this make all the noise stop

Is terrified that my PTSD is going to go completely off the wall and I'm gonna lose all sense of self-restraint and fucking explode and fight like fucking neighbor

I don't necessarily want to do any of that but if I snap I don't know what's going to happen

And he told me I needed to move as soon as possible to a nice quiet spot and I've been telling my mom and dad and they don't fucking care dude they don't care

Everybody I know other than Travis and my partner generally only gives a fuck about themselves and what benefits them in their life and they don't think like I do about other people

It is a miserable existence and I hate it

I don't wanna care anymore I just want to learn how to deal with the people that are closest to me which is my fucking family

I want to get my things out of my dad's house but I can't even go over there without having APTSD reaction

And they're just throwing my things away and donating them without my permission

My sister is also stealing things from me and my mother without permission my dad's just letting her have whatever she wants and it's not hers to take and it's not his to give

I did not ask them to block off my old bedroom 4 8 fucking years and allow wild animals and shit to get in there.Because of course there's holes in the roof and there's holes in my bedroom ceiling that never got fixed that my dad made and there's gonna be damage to everything I own and I have really important stuff that I left in that room and if I find out my sister took it I'm gonna end up in jail

Because the things that I left at that house have great monetary value but also incredible sentimental value because it's the only things I have left of my grandparents.

I'm gonna be an awful older sister right now and say that I wish that they had never adopted her and maybe focused on helping me while I was a teenager so I didn't end up hanging out with the wrong people and end up in situations that were awful

Maybe if they hadn't used me as a slave to clean up after them both and made all sorts of excuses for this behavior I might not have certain problems

I know that focusing on the past is not very helpful but it's very hard to stay in present moment and fucking do anything because of how bad this flair is I'm not doing well

I'm fucking crying and that's why all the typos are happening

And literally the problem is noise it's just too much noise and rude people and uncaring people and just I can't deal with it it's too much

I don't want my meds fucked with I don't want my old psychiatrist to be dead I wish he was alive more than anybody right now

He was gonna retire after finding me a Doctor and we were supposed to go get coffee together because he actually cared about me as like a daughter figure because my father is a piece of shit You can't seem to keep his hands to himself and it has horrible boundaries

And my sister is also a piece of shit and she has horrible boundaries and I hope she just goes back to her mother

You shouldn't even be talking on the phone with her mother her mother is atrocious she is trashy and she is an idiot and it's probably best that she was given up for adoption but holy fuck I wish she went to a different family

It's not fun to be terrorized by your entire family you're entire life

I don't really have the support system I need either

I have Travis and he's wonderful but he's not gonna be around forever he's eventually gonna get a girlfriend or something's gonna happen and he's gonna be too busy to help me and that's fine and I understand and I would be so happy for him

But I don't really have anybody else that checks up on me and really gives much of a fuck

I wish my grandmothers were still alive.

I wish they knew what everybody was doing to me. Because they listened to me and they cared and they took care of me and nobody else did.

I miss my dead best friend so much

She had a lot of problems but she had a really good heart and she actually gave a day of about me.

I'm so fucking tired of crying I'm so tired of living in this hell hole it used to be nice

I don't know how to get proof that my neighbor is running a day care

I don't know how to get proof about the noise level

They told me I shouldn't be videotaping to prove it but they want me to prove it and so how the fuck am I supposed to prove it

The security and courtesy officer won't come out and won't help with anything because he's a lazy son of a bitch I fucking hate cops

They don't do anything unless it's an emergency situation and then they'll kind of wake up out of their drunken wife beating stupor

Police are supposed to be fucking public servants we pay taxes about this I believe I don't know I've never done taxes my parents stuck me in medicaid and SSI when I was 25 and I never got a chance to try again and again to leave it home and try and get a job to save money to get my own place so I wouldn't have to rely on my fucking father and now I'm in a position where I can't even do any of that

Kitty even concentrate to pack boxes to move because everything is so loud and it's almost midnight and it's still loud and the security officer has already refused to come out so why does he even have this job he gets to live here for free he doesn't even patrol

I can't even call corporate till Monday

Feel terrorized in my own home by people outside of my home

I'm scared to smoke weed now that I'm prescribed because my psych had a fucking tantrum

I do wonder if the site that you work with is a lot more chilled out and understands but I have no clue

I would like to try the Academy and treatments my brain is already fucked up anyway who cares maybe you don't fucking kill some of my intelligence and give me a little bit Of like A lobotomy I don't know maybe I'll be happier if I'm dumber

The thing is Joshua I would try other medicines if I knew that they would possibly help me but I have literally been on everything we ran me through the Gambit

Nothing works why is that oh because I don't have any of those psyche problems that it treats or I'm just completely resistant to them or I just have some sort of wild ass genetic mutation I don't know

My geneticist wants to run a whole bunch of shit tests on me and I won't be able to do that till next Spring

My parents expect me to be financially independent as soon as possible and I'm like you guys I don't even know if I can accomplish that in 2 years because of all the trauma that I have and the things that I need to work out

And I need to do EMDR therapy to be able to process these things and if it doesn't work then I need to find another procedure or medication or something that shuts up my stupid vase of vague nerves

Because I know they're overactive I know my court is all and a journal in levels are probably fucking insane

And I know that I have been living in this state for far too long like I have been hypervigilance since I was a child

I don't know if there was a time where I wasn't

I barely have good memories and they're fleeting because all the bad memories have to take up the room because they're not being processed to the correct part of my brain and it's not fair

And I hate how other people could post about their mental issues on Facebook and everybody gives them encouraging messages and tells them they love them and heart reaction but if I do it I don't but if I do it oh Kim's just being crazy again and I have never even been actually crazy in front of these people it I'm so sick of it

I guess because I'm not a fucking addict I don't count.

I can't even get my apartment clean to have company over because I feel like as soon as it gets clean it gets fucked up again

I wasn't having any of these issues when I took adderall

It was taking like an infant dose

2.5 mg

It worked just fine for the first half of the day which is what I needed it for and then the rest of the day I was able to smoke weed cause I was on the registry

I have never had an interaction with any of these medicines I don't care how old I am I have weighed more than I do now and I have been in worship than I am now and there's still no mental problems that I get when I combine those things however I haven't been able to take to adderall for like over a year no and I am miserable because my brain doesn't shut the fuck up and I really miss it when it was quiet

And my anxiety medicine does like a whole bunch of shit for me it helps with my blood pressure it helps with my pain it helps relax me and it helps with my anxiety and PTSD so I don't see why the fuck I should have to get off of that medicine ever I really don't care if it gives me dementia I will sign a fucking contract saying that I don't fucking care and I won't Sue

You know it's frustrating because like even just talking about my medicines makes me worried because if you talk about your meds too much it makes you look like you're an addict

That's what I've always been told by other therapists and doctors because they think that my hyperfocus is that because I have an addiction issue and that is not the case ever

If I didn't have to take any medicine I would be so thrilled but this is what helps me this is what works and why fix something that isn't broken

Why is my psychiatrist being a fucking asshole to me.

By the way I signed paperwork so you can talk to him about whatever you want and I hope that you use that for good and no evil and that was a joke but didn't land how I thought it would

Maybe you can explain to my psychiatrist that there's a lot more going on with me than what he sees because I'm terrified of him

I actually prefer to see his daughter who is his PA

She was in the session today wanted to talk to her instead of him and every time I tried to talk to her she sat there with her mouth shut and didn't talk to me at all and I'm so confused about that

He seemed angry that I brought my mom to my appointment but I brought her there on purpose because I was terrified that they were gonna put me in treatment or something

And she was very helpful and told him that I do not belong in a psychiatric facility because it's terrible for people with PTSD and autism

I don't know why he told me that he was pretty sure I had autism but I needed to be tested for an actual diagnosis But it was better if I didn't have a diagnosis in my chart and I don't know how that makes any fucking sense

I miss social cues constantly I can't have conversations with people normally because of my autism and whatever else is going on with my brain

I cannot find Somebody that can test me for any of that I cannot Find a narrow psyche worth a damn that can Help me figure out if there's something neurologically going on with me in causing all the Issues

And then people forget that soriatic authorities and all of my other physical diagnosis cause brain issues as well they can inflame the brain

I feel like I'm going completely nuts and I don't like it

I don't want to wake up to people screaming tomorrow

I'm tired I just want to enjoy my weekends and relax I just want to enjoy my week and relax and do things I want to pack I can't pack

I want to stay up all night because that's when it's quiet but then I can't sleep during the day because everything is too loud

Even late at night it's loud and there's people hollerin

Like I've tried to think up every possible thing that I can come up with and nothing is a solution that I'm going insane because of this

Mean I even thought about living in a 600 square foot studio on East state street because it looked decent enough but $800 is too expensive for that says everybody so I don't know what I'm supposed to do and I don't like the fact that my dad gets to choose and then is gonna put my name on the fucking lease

He and my sister and my mom treat me like I'm being dramatic and I'm not I don't know how to act dramatic on purpose like they think I'm doing because me acting dramatic is very obvious because I act like an autistic person trying to mimic drama and it's not pretty it's just stupid looking

Everybody has these false narratives of me and their heads and I'm tired of that I'm tired of being judged by everything and everybody

I'm exhausted and I just want a break and I just want to sleep for a fucking week and I want somebody really nice to take care of the cats for me while I rest and I don't want to go to an awful hospital place

I'm not a danger to myself I'm currently not a danger to others yet

I'm scared I'm going to end up being a danger because I really need to get out of here

Like I need to move immediately

And it sucks because it's just gonna be my parents holding money and things over my head and making threats at me over and over again and then denying that they're doing that because they're fucking narcissist and they can't see what they're doing is wrong unless somebody they respect or a professional explains it to them properly because I don't count as somebody that knows anything about myself

I might as well be a pet or an object or shit on the bottom of someone's shoe

Why do people have to be so fucking cruel

I'm so sick of it I don't want to have to be resilient anymore

I don't want to be nice anymore

I don't want to make everybody happy anymore

I don't even know who I am or how to make myself happy

But it just feels like a lost child that just got raised by crazy strangers

And I feel so stuck and I can't even read my book that I got to help me because they just won't wing me alone

No onen is leaving me alone to rest I can't get any rest with the noise

I shouldn't be sitting here crying on a Friday ni stressed to hell and I missed so many things going on this weekend because I was too stressed out to do anything

Travis bought tickets for us to go to a show next Saturday and I don't even know if I'm gonna be able to go Because my sanity is on the fucking Fritz.

I mean with loud music it's different I can wear the ear protection and enjoy the music and there's a band I really want to see anyway and Travis paid for tickets for both of us

And I'm scared that I'm gonna be too anxious to go because a lot of people I know are going to be there and I don't know what to say to any of them when they ask me how I'm doing

I don't wanna see Bonnie or Jamie or fucking anybody who is an asshole

Because like I can't handle them and I'm either going to run away and cry or flip out and I don't want to flip out

The thing is everybody just thinks I'm crazy and it's like a distressed tolerance thing but no one has actually heard what I deal with because this is something that you couldn't even deal with most people can't even deal with this noise I don't know how my neighbors are like fucking angry as hell I guess because they're busy and their apartment layouts aren't the same as mine

I just need to move I need to move as quickly as possible I wish I could just find a place tomorrow and Go ahead and sign the fucking lease and just start moving My Shit just get my Bed moved in there and the cats moved in there and slowly moved the rest of my stuff so I can Sleep somewhere where it's fucking Quiet.

I'm scared that I'm going to have APTSD episode or flip out or something shitty like that

I'm so tired of people being shitty to me I'm so tired of it I don't know what to do II really don't know what to do about any of this shit

I've turned it over and over and over and over in my brain and I cannot find a solution

It doesn't matter if I call all the apartment places in town

Everything is dangerous and scary and nobody understands what I'm going through and I just want to be able to leave my apartment and get normal groceries without being overwhelmed for fucks sake

I want to be able to work on my art and I can't even do a job

This is crippling this is fucking crippling

I shouldn't have to figure out how to turn my closet into a quiet space to get away from all the noise

I haven't had any issues with this and I've lived here for 5 years.

And now I'm the racist bitch Karen that everybody hates hearing from and no one solves the problem so I'll quit calling

I'm sure if another person of color went to the office and had a giant tantrum that things would get done

And yes I do believe that people of color can be racist towards white people and I used to not think that but I've experienced it myself and it's not fun and I have never been awful to another person of color like that and I don't understand why people not even in that way come after me and treat me like shit

Like why does every experience I have have to be mostly terrible

I feel like nothing I do goes unpunished

I'm nice I get punished I mean I get punished I try to stay neutral I get punished I breathe wrong I get punished I speak wrong I get punished I can't read people's tones I get punished it's all punishment my entire life has been being punished

I don't even think my parents realized how incredibly fucked up they are

I wish for once a therapist would call them out on their bullshit and tell them off because I'm tired of not being heard or understood and repeating things that doctors have told me to my parents and they don't believe me because they need to hear It from the professional

I know my own body and my brain as much as I possibly can why would I be not a good source of information about myself

I don't even feel like my parents want to be my parents or want anything to do with me

I don't think they wanted anything to do with me for a long time

I feel like they planned me and then I became an accessory and then I gained autonomy and they didn't want to play with me anymore just set me aside with the other cabbage patch dolls

I mean our dogs got more attention than I did and my parents will argue with you all day long about that

I mean they not only hoarded things but they hoarded animals and before it was dog piss and shit all over the house

And my sister verbally attacked my mother because she got teased by kids in school because she smelled like cat piss and dog piss all the time because my parents couldn't wash her fucking clothes correctly and do anything to help her Actually they probably did more things for her than they ever did for me she has no idea what kind of abuse I went through

She really has no clue what I've gone through she has not experienced anything that I've gone through

She thinks that my dad telling her to get out of the car because she's probably being an asshole honestly and getting yelled at by him is the worst thing ever well he doesn't put his fucking hands-on her like he did me

And him helping me find an apartment it's not gonna win him his daughter back

I know what cycle is going on

It's just another abuse cycle

I wish that he had the intelligence to know that there is something wrong with him and to go get treatment foright like I wish someone would ask him well if you know you have these problems and you know that you can't control yourself and you know you did something wrong and you're mad at yourself then why don't you just go talk to somebody about it or take a fucking pill if that helps

I would give anything for my grandmother's to be here to just take me away from these people and help me but it's not possible

I'm so tired

[florainkingdom]

"It's just, I REALLY don't like people fighting my battles for me. I know it's his job, and I love how you want to protect me. I also HATE how my past is causing you problems. Not to mention Leo got pretty messed up fighting he already." Poppy just didn't want anyone else to get hurt because of her problems. And maybe she wanted to knock Ofélia into next week, though that was just her being a bit petty about things.

"Look, if anything is going to change for me here in Flora I can't keep running from my problems. That was the entire point of trying to move to Eggton in canine country as I was hopefully bounties were actually going to be lifted. Then I got an even better chance ending up in your world, so I took a shot, and chuck did it work well. I don't have to worry about my daughter's safety anymore, I don't have to worry about my safety either, and I'm going to marry a wonderful woman."

Poppy would gently crass Blaze's cheek. "I'm just tired of running, so I'm not going to. One more fight, and then we get to go home. Worse comes to worse, we tell whoever comes to break up this fight we'll leave and never come back. Might tick my mum off a bit, though I'm sure she'll understand." The opossum then kissed the feline for a few moments before breaking it. "Now, I'm going to go back and punch Ofélia's face into the ground. Okay?"

====================================================

Ofélia seemed to be thinking, though only for a moment. "Well, neither of them have come back yet, and I'm also on a bit time crunch. So, looks like I'm going to have to deal with you again." The gamba then got in a low stance, then even lower, and lower after that. Seems she was planning to go in for a high-speed attack. Seems she didn't intend to call it quits anytime soon.

"That's it, I'm not dealing with this anymore," Scarlett said, walking in front of Leo before making a large shield that stopped right in front of Ofélia. "I have more than enough magic to stall you until someone from the Order of The Iron Paw shows up."

Ofélia chuckled as she stood up. "I'm a gamba, remember? That means I can switch to anti-magic waves." The gamba then walked through the portal before trying to get in the stance again. Only for the portal to shrink putting her on the other side again, making her raise a brow.

"I'm aware of what gambas can do, though you can only do one or the other. That means you have to switch to anti-magic waves to pass through before switching back. If I just change the radius of my barrier to right in front of you then you won't get a chance to speed up. If you back up, I extend it back. Either you'll be forced to wait or keep trying to get closer. And without your Lucky Star I believe you may not find Leo's strikes so easy to brush off." Scarlett wasn't a fool, and seemed to have found a way to greatly limit Ofélia's most powerful ability.

Ofélia actually seemed impressed. "You know, I've actually heard about you. A feline who's healing and barrier magic were second to none and saved the most lives during the war. Called you the Mircale of The Battlefield. Only someone who's smart enough to actually figure out a way to limit my Lucky Star could be that feline. Out of respect I won't attack Leo or you. Though I still intend to get my target." People often say soldier's win wars, though they often forget the healers.

"I hope you'll forgive me for not completely trusting you and keeping my barrier up." Scarlett wasn't dropping her barrier until she was sure Ofélia wouldn't be attack. It was how she managed to save so many lives during the war. Play it safe and never truly trust the enemy.

Blaze dug her heels into the ground as she pushed herself forward as the earth ripped apart below her. In truth there was no way she could normally carry Poppy like this. She had used a bit of enhancement magic before scooping her up. But every second she was holding Poppy that magic was being unraveled. She had hoped to gain more momentum and carry her and poppy across the border, but in truth her concern were the citizens. If Ofella and poppy continued the conflict the entire town would be leveled. But she already had her plan in motion--- Ofella just didn't realize it yet.

" Don't worry--- Your mother restored Leo to fighting order... He's aware of my plan! We just need to get to that border! before Ofella catches up to us... unfortunately my enhancement spell is failing... "

She dug her heels into the ground as she came to a skidding stop as smoke rose from the ground under her. She struggled to keep Poppy lifted up, and finally had to set her Down before she popped her back out entirely! She was no knuckles, she wasn't able to keep lifting Poppy without magical assistance.

" You'll have to make your stand here... but if i allowed you to keep fighting you would have leveled the town. I couldn't let those people get caught up in our battle... "

Moments Ago as Leo Covered Scarlett to protect her, he heard Blaze's mental thoughts as she advanced on the conflict. He understood what to do, and why almost immediately. What ever Blaze was up to, he and Scarlett needed to remove themselves from the battle zone, least Ofella target them in response. He knew what to do... even if he had to pray Scarlett went along with Blazes plan.

Leo pulled the gem off his gauntlet even as Blaze was already grabbing Poppy and heading off at high speeds. Leo drained the mana from the gem, and diverted it to his own Magic reserves. Extending his hand and cast a spell behind himself and Scarlett as Ofella was turning toward them. yet the conversation seemed to shift, and he wasn't sure what to do. He knew what Blaze had intended and he still didn't trust Ofella---but she did have some amount of moral code.

" Then you are standing down? The princesses motives are personal true... i however believe she understood the battle was taking to great a toll on the town...She chose to try and end it rather then allow you two to continue to put lives in danger... I agree with Ma'dam Scarlett...If we can resolve this without further conflict we should..."

Yet despite his words he was ready to Blazes full plan into action should Ofella decide to attack him. He already had his spell ready, if she chose to strike he'd react fast enough to counter.

But he wished to trust Scarlett, She was wise and he could see that. She also knew these lands well, better then she or Blaze. His eyes went to her wondering if they should even trust the Gamba. But deep down he knew Blaze did this to protect Poppy...but also to protect the people in this town.

The damage was extensive...people were scared... as a protector, it was only natural for her to try and end the battle without violence.

[armin-supremacy]

trust in me

pairing: lucifer/mammon (seperate) x gn!mc

genre: hurt/comfort

prompt: once again, @sparkbeast20 is a genius. original prompt here.

🫧 part one located here 🫧 part three located here 🫧 final located here 🫧 bonus chapter located here 🫧

You were at a loss.

It had been going on for two weeks today. All the brothers had been avoiding you, some more subtle than others. You'd assume it was just a weird funk. But everytime you tried to do something with them or simply chat, they'd have some excuse and scurry away.

You won't lie, it hurt.

They even skipped out on dinner, claiming they weren't hungry or had just eaten already.

You felt alienated again, just like your first few weeks living with them.

"Why so glum, MC?"

You jumped at the sudden presence, glancing back to meet Solomon's worried gaze. "Hey, Solomon", you greeted.

The sorcerer rose a brow and offered a small smile. "You didn't answer my question."

"They boys have been avoiding for the past two weeks", you began. Solomon watched as your expression saddened. "I don't know what I did, but eveytime I try to fix it, they suddenly have plans."

Solomon thought for a moment. "Think that nightmare effected them more than we assumed?"

You perked up immediately, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Nightmare? What are you talking about?"

Solomon looked at you in surprise. "Oh you weren't aware? Apparently they all had the same nightmare. By the looks of it, it left quite the impression."

"What nightmare?" You questioned. Then you shook your head. "Wait. How do you know anyway?"

"That would explain why Satan-" he began to mutter to himself.

"Solomon!" You cut him off. You were becoming desperate. The boys were your family. You can't stand them avoiding you like this.

Solomon cleared his throat. "Satan came to me a few days ago asking about certain connections with pacts and if they can be affected or affect dreams."

Solomon continued.

"When I asked why he wanted to know, he said he and the others shared a nightmare at the same time." he stated. He let out a small sigh. "Sadly, I couldn't be of any help. I've never heard nor experienced such a thing."

"Did he tell you the nightmare?" you questioned. Solomon nodded, giving you a hum in response. You bit your lip. "Can you tell me about it?"

Something passed in Solomon's expression. Worry? Concern? "I don't think that's a good idea."

You hesitate. It must be awful if Solomon was so hesitant to tell you. Usually he'd jump on the opportunity to spill what he knows about them, wanting to watch the outcome of the information he'd shared with you.

"Please? I need to know what's got them so shaken up."

Solomon sighed out. He gave you a sad smile. "Alright. But please tell me to stop if you get too upset."

You nodded. You felt bad because you wouldn't do that. You had to know what they were going through.

After Solomon explained, in great detail at that, the nightmare Satan had relayed to him, you felt like you were going to throw up.

No wonder they were avoiding you. It was then, your heart began to weigh heavy. The puzzle was piecing together.

It all made sense.

Lucifer suddenly taking on more work, locking himself away in his office. Mammon flinching everytime you told him to hand you something, even though it was never a command. Leviathan and Satan both tensing eveytime you called their names. Asmodeus never meeting your eyes anymore. Beelzebub speaking in cautious sentences whenever you ask him something, as of you'll suddenly slip a switch. Belphegor not speaking at all, only giving you a nod or shake of his head when you managed to get a sentence to him.

Now you know why.

So one by one, you weren't going to stop until you had fixed the situation.

It was only fitting the oldest be the first you make amends with. You stood in front of his office, your hand up ready to knock on the door.

With a deep breath, you knocked. "Lucifer? Can we talk?"

You received no answer. You knocked once more. Again, no response. This was normal for Leviathan. But Lucifer? Not at all.

You pushed the door, peeking inside. Lucifer sat at his desk, not even noticing you had entered his space.

"Lucifer?"

Your voice startled him. His gaze quickly shifted to you, his body slightly relaxing to see it wasn't someone unpleasant waltzing in. He cleared his throat slightly. "MC. I'm sorry, but now isn't the best time-"

"Lucifer please? Just for a moment?"

Your voice was soft and pleading. Damnit. He couldn't say no. Lucifer had no excuse this time. He gave a nod and you brightened.

Progress.

"What's on your mind?"

"I talked to Solomon", you began. If it wasn't for the fact you knew Lucifer better than anyone else, especially thanks to the pact, you would've missed how his body tensed. How he tried to hard to keep an nonchalant expression.

"That's good. Diavolo will be more than thrilled to hear you've been more social with others in the program-"

"I know about the nightmare, Lucifer." You saddened. "Why didn't you all talk to me? Do you...do you really think I'm that cruel?"

Your voice broke. You couldn't help it. You cherished them. You thought you told each other everything.

"Of course not, MC." Lucifer assured quickly. For a moment, he forgot his fear from the nightmare. He was blind to see how the actions of him and his brothers would affect you.

"Then why?" You questioned.

Lucifer froze. Why? Simply because of the power you held over them. How easily you could make them succumb. It was something he and his brothers had never faced.

And the reality shook him.

Yet, the longer he looked at your pained expression, the more he could see it was wrong. You were right. They should have talked to you.

"It was quite a scare, I won't lie", Lucifer said gently. "We've never had pacts with such strong connections like this."

You looked to the ground. "Do you want to be released from the pact?"

He just barely caught what you had said. "No!"

You jumped, startled at his sudden outburst. Lucifer cleared his throat. "No, MC. I have no problems with our pact."

"If it cause you guys such distress like this, I don't want to force you guys to remain in these pacts with me", you explained.

And you meant it. You never used your pacts to force the boys to do something. Yes, you did use them to scold them at times. but never just to 'torture' or belittle them.

Then. he gave you a smile. A genuine smile.

"MC...." he paused. "I can't think of anyone more worthy to have a pact with."

One amend down, six more to go.

You paced in front of Mammon's room. Out of all the brother's, he avoided you most. Though he didn't try to even hide it.

Get away from you as fast as possible. That's his thought process right now.

It had been a few hours since you'd made up with Lucifer. He'd mentioned Mammon was taken the situation hardest. Having a soft spot for the second born, you decided to take your shot with him next.

You heard shuffling on the other side of the hall, perking up to see who was coming your way. "Mammon!"

His name fell from your lips before you could stop yourself. Mammon looked up from his D.D.D in surprise. The moment his eyes laid on you, he took off in the other direction.

"Wait! Mammon stop!" The command was said before you could stop yourself. His pact mark on your wrist flickered, forcing Mammon to stop in place.

"Shit, no! Mammon", you said hurrying over in a panic. You moved in front of him and your heart fell to your stomach. The sight was heartbreaking. "I-I promise I didn't mean to."

Mammon stared back at you with wide eyes, a single tear running down his cheek. You reached up, but froze when he flinched away. You stepped back, quickly giving him his space.

"I'm so sorry. You can move."

The pact mark flickered again, just for a moment. releasing Mammon from the command. Though, he didn't move.

Mammon was terrified.

It's no secret he had it worse than the others. Constantly punished and ridiculed. But you were never like that with him. Mammon never had a worry or fear when it came to you.

Until now.

"Mammon, please."

Your voice broke. You could feel your own eyes began to tear up. You hated seeing Mammon like this. Especially because of you. It wasn't him.

"Did I do something, MC?"

The question broke your heart. You shook your head without hesitation. "Of course not! I just want to fix this."

Mammon shifted on his feet. "There's nothin' to fix."

You sighed out. "I know about the nightmare you all had."

Mammon tensed again. The nightmare. He'd had the same one almost every night. He even went to Belphegor for help but to no avail.

It always came back to that terrifying scene.

To that terrifying you.

Cautiously, you reached up to caress his cheek. The touch broke him from his mini trance. He almost melted into your warmth.

Oh how he'd missed this.

"Can I hug you, please?"

You knew Mammon desired physical comfort more than anything. The feel a loving touch. You would ask. You wouldn't force him. You wouldn't just take it. Especially with this situation going on.

He's always adored that trait about you.

Mammon gave a hesitated nod. You smiled.

Progress.

You wasted no time to pull Mammon close, letting him hide his face in your shoulder. He felt so stupid. He was your first. He knew you better than all of his brothers.

He knows you'd never do something so cruel.

"I'm sorry. MC..."

You shook your head. Your hands rubbed his back comfortably, feeling his body slowly begin to relax against yours. "Just continue to trust in me."

Two down, five to go.

~~~~~

obviously this is gonna have to be a three parter. it was much much longer than anticipated 😅 much much thanks to @sparkbeast20 for letting me expand on your idea again 💕 I hope it met your expectations

[lilahisntsadanymore]

After James revealed Y/n's embarrassing secret, she thought she's done and had no chance with Sirius. She had no idea how wrong she was.

Pairing: rockstar!Sirius Black x popstar!reader

Words count: 2.4k

Warnings: no magic involved, happens in the 80s

Mia is of course made up by me and this story is lightly inspired by the Doja and Noah's "drama".

Pics of outfits I described are under the fic.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Rockstar boyfriend

Y/n Y/l/n woke up with a headache. The world was spinning around when she tried to get up from the bed. Nevertheless, she had to get up if she didn't want to puke on the white hotel sheets. Y/n definitely had a hangover, but it doesn't hurt to party once in a while. Especially when you were so close to winning a Grammy.

"Have you seen the- oh my God, let me help you," Y/n's manager and best friend, Mia, walked into the room. She rushed to the bathroom after hearing what Y/n was doing. She grabbed the singer's hair so that they didn't fall into the toilet.

Y/n coughed. "Have I seen what?" She turned her face to Mia.

"Oh, yeah, the news. They're talking about you, but I guess you haven't seen it yet."

"I suppose they'd be talking about artists who attended Grammys. I didn't win one, but still I was there and the media like to talk, so..."

"No, not just that," Mia stood up and went to grab the remote.

Y/n walked behind her friend and sat on the bed. When Mia turned on the TV, a woman's voice reported on what happened yesterday at the Grammys' after party. Suddenly, a photo of Y/n was displayed. She stood next to James Potter, a member of a rock band The Marauders. Neither of them were posing to the picture, they weren't even aware about being photographed.

Y/n tried her best to recall what they talked about, but she didn't even remember talking to him. She drank way too much yesterday.

"...turns out love is everywhere, even at the Grammys and Y/n Y/l/n can't hide it anymore." The TV lady finished.

Y/n choked on air. Her eyes widened, but she had no idea what's going on. "Me and James? Didn't he have a girlfriend?"

"He does. A wife, actually, Lily. But it's not about him. Just keep watching."

The screen switched from the presenter to a video from yesterday. A young woman with a microphone stood next to James. It was an interview.

"I'm with James Potter from The Marauders, " her smile was so wide, making Y/n wonder if her cheeks don't hurt. "Your band has been discovered recently, you brought that fresh breeze into the current rock scene."

Y/n scoffed. Fresh breeze? What kind of a description of a rock band was it? She clearly was a beginner journalist.

"I don't think that's correct," visibly tipsy James interrupted, "we're inspired by and look up to David Bowie, The Clash, Queen. Nothing new in my opinion."

"But still, you're unique-"

"Yeah, apart from our inspirations we also try to come up with original ideas and people seem to enjoy our music so far."

"People love you, as much as people love Y/n Y/l/n, who is also there. We saw you talking to her, is there maybe a collaboration coming up?"

James smiled mischievously. "It's not a collaboration we talked about. I can tell you that secret if you promise not to tell anyone," James shortened the distance between him and the microphone and lowered his voice to a whisper, "Y/n asked if I can hook her up with Sirius."

The young journalist seemed shocked. This was going to make her a lot of money.

Y/n turned the TV off and groaned. "Did I really do that?"

"That's what you told me on our way back here."

"How could he tell that to the reporter?" Y/n asked, a tint of frustration in her voice. "It's so embarrassing! What will I do now?"

She could deny it, but she didn't want to. It was the truth, Y/n was into Sirius, but he probably wasn't into her and that's what made it embarrassing. But then if he somehow was into her, she would ruin her chances with him by denying she likes him.

But what were the chances Sirius was into Y/n? Pretty low. She wasn't a rock singer, she sang pop, her style was far away from the rockstar's girlfriend aesthetic. Sirius most likely thought Y/n is just another boring, industry plant popstar.

But that wasn't true. Everything Y/n achieved, she did with her talent. She didn't pay industries to promote her, people simply loved her music. It wasn't just her fifteen minutes of fame, she was going to be great, maybe even an icon for the future generations.

"Don't answer questions." Mia said in a casual tone. "Control your emotions. And pack your stuff, cause we're leaving in a few hours."

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

"Don't even say no comment, just pretend they aren't here." Mia said for the last time as her and Y/n were about to leave the hotel.

Lots of reporters and journalists gathered by the hotel, waiting for the singer to walk out. Y/n was used to that, but usually they asked about her music, not about her love life. Y/n didn't know if she can handle that.

Y/n put on her sunglasses before walking outside, had to protect her eyes from all the unnecessary camera flashes.

Pretend they aren't there. Ignore. Easy to say for someone like Mia. She had her emotions under control that's why she made such a good manager. Y/n wasn't so calm. She could hear the reporters shouting different questions, all about what she said yesterday, about Sirius and how she felt about him.

"Is this true what James Potter said about you and Sirius Black?" Another journalist questioned. "Does Sirius know about it?"

Y/n felt anger build up in her. If it wasn't for James telling the secret to the journalist, Sirius possibly wouldn't have known. Y/n had to speak up about it. She couldn't just leave it like this.

"You're making such a big deal out of it, of course he knows about it!" She shouted furiously. "The whole world knows about it! I trusted James, he shouldn't have told anyone! That's so fucking stupid."

"What will happen between you and Sirius now?"

Before Y/n said anything more, Mia decided to drag her into the car. Her job as both the manager and the best friend was to make sure Y/n won't embarrass herself.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

People loved drama, which meant the world lived the Y/n drama for the next few days. Y/n stayed in her house in London, waiting for the topic to cool down.

Y/n sat by the kitchen counter and poured herself some water. At least the whole situation could benefit her as in she would get even more recognizable. Mia told her people already started buying more tickets to her concerts and many more CDs are being sold as well. Maybe it was embarrassing, but at least Y/n didn't embarrass herself for nothing.

Suddenly, the phone in the living room rang. Y/n quickly finished her glass of water and ran there.

"Yeah?" The girl picked up.

"You won't believe who called!" Mia's voice exclaimed on the other side. She didn't even wait for Y/n to guess. "Sirius!"

"Sirius? As in Sirius Black? From The Marauders? And what could it be that he wants?"

"He wanted to talk to you. I'll give you his number and you'll call, only if you want."

Y/n sighed loudly. "Didn't he say why he wants to talk?"

"He did not...so, do you wanna call him?"

Y/n didn't answer immediately. She hesitated, but eventually agreed. "I mean, what do I have to lose, right? I have no chance with him anyway."

"Don't say that, Y/n. It's not the end of the world, you could have anyone you want."

"Anyone I want except the one I actually want."

It was a difficult decision for Y/n to call Sirius. For fifteen minutes she just sat on her couch with her eyes glued to the phone.

What did he want to talk about? Was he going to confront Y/n about her crush on him? God, this was going to get so awkward. Y/n was a grown woman and yet she felt like a high schooler in that moment.

Eventually, Y/n won the fight with her inner self. She decided to make that call.

"Hello?" She said. "Y/n Y/l/n. My manager told me call this number."

"Oh, hi! I was starting to worry you won't call."

Fuck, was the first thing Y/n thought. Her heart sped up at the sound of Sirius' voice. It really was him. The first time Y/n talked to him was going to be one of her most awkward conversations.

"Yes, uh..." she paused, "I'm sorry for what I said. You know, I wasn't sober, not at all. I understand you might be angry or upset. And you have every right to be!" She frowned at how high-pitched her voice came out at the end.

Sirius chuckled. "I'm not angry. I'm actually quite glad you said what you said."

Glad? Were Y/n's ears deceiving her? Y/n had no idea what to say, she was shocked.

Noticing how Y/n stays silent, Sirius continued. "I was wondering if you're free to meet up sometime soon?"

Y/n gulped, hoping it wasn't audible through the phone. "I- I think I'm free until Monday," she stuttered, "then I start a tour."

"Perfect! Do you mind if I come over?"

"No, I don't. I'll send you my address. I mean, I'll tell Mia to do it, and she will send it to your manager, and they'll give it to you." Y/n laughed nervously, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Alright, love, see you later." Sirius chuckled at Y/n's little ramble, then he put the phone down.

The girl's heart fluttered at the nickname. It wasn't as awkward as it could be. And Sirius wanted to meet her! What a success.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

Friday was the day the meeting was scheduled for. It seemed like a good idea, because the band had studio on Saturday and Sunday.

Y/n promised to herself to not treat this meeting like a date, but she couldn't stop herself from dressing up. Usually, she didn't wear a leather skirt, a white top with thin straps and almost knee high platform leather boots around the house, but she decided to wear it that day. Her makeup consisted of a simple wing eyeliner, mascara and red lipstick in a shade darker than usually.

As the girl took one last look at herself in the mirror, the doorbell rang. She ran to the door, almost tripping over on one of her furry rugs.

"Hi, nice to see you." She greeted, moving a strand of her hair out of her face.

Sirius smiled at the girl. "You look so good. You always look good, of course, but today?" He whistled playfully, causing a smile to appear on Y/n's face.

"You look pretty well, too," she gestured at the man's outfit.

He was wearing a simple white t-shirt, but with a dark red suit jacket on top to fit his black suit trousers with thin stripes that gently fell onto his black bovver boots. The boots fitted nicely with the choker around his neck.

When Sirius walked in, Y/n led him to the living room. Just as she asked if he wants anything to drink, he pulled out a bottle of wine he was holding behind his back all this time.

"I'm sorry again for what I said," Y/n started a conversation as she set two wine glasses on the coffee table.

"Told you, it's no problem. Actually, I've wanted to get to know you better for a while." Sirius confessed. "I just didn't think that a pop princess like you wouldn't be interested in a rock musician."

"You were wrong then. I find you very intriguing."

Sirius laughed. "I'm so glad James got drunk and told the reported you asked him to hook you up with me."

You don't even know how glad I am for that, Y/n thought, but decided to keep this for herself.

Turned out that the pop princess and the rock prince have actually lots of things to talk about. The chat was going so smooth, they didn't even notice how much time had already passed. And how much wine they already drank.

"...and then we kicked him out of our bus." Sirius finished telling a story about how a psycho fan once broke into the band's tour bus.

"Where was the security?" Y/n asked, laughing.

"No idea! All I know we're better than the security."

"Oh, definitely. Did the psycho even make it out alive?"

"Yeah, for sure. Maybe he just... broke a bone, or something."

"Broke a bone?! What did he say at the hospital? 'Uh, yeah, I broke into The Marauders bus, but they beat my arse'?"

"Definitely something like this. Hey, at least he didn't press charges."

"But you could."

"We didn't though. It's too much work honestly."

The couple broke into laughter, swallowing some more wine. They put the glasses back on the table and looked at each other.

"I wrote a song about you."

Y/n's eyebrows raised at the confession. "You? Wrote a song? About... me?"

"Yeah, we were gonna record it tomorrow. I think you're gonna like this."

"I'm really curious about the lyrics..."

Sirius scooted closer to Y/n, leaning on the back of the sofa, almost putting an arm around her shoulders.

"You have to wait to hear it, I'm not spoiling the surprise." He whispered.

With their faces only inches apart, Y/n looked into Sirius' grey eyes just to catch him staring and her lips. The girl slid her finger under the rockstar's choker to pull him closer and connect their lips.

Sirius kissed her back, pressing his weight on her to make her fall back so that he was on top of her. When their lips parted, he had some of her lipstick smudged on his lips.

"Dark red lipstick suits you," Y/n pointed out, "matches the jacket. But I bet you look even better without the jacket." Or clothes in general, she added in her mind.

"Wanna find out?" Sirius asked flirtatiously, gaining a nod from Y/n. "You got any bedroom in that house?"

"Upstairs, first door on the left."

Sirius stood up and took Y/n into his arms, one arm supporting her back, the other under her knees. For more support Y/n put her arms around Sirius' neck. The man carried the popstar to her bedroom, closing the door with a light kick.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

The clothes I tried to describe (but Y/n without the jacket):

[ghostypetrainer]

oh god it must be trippy as shit for kuroaku/ingo

cause hes both people, the implanted memories dont fade, the old ones just come back. he still responds to kuroaku. thats part of him. thats still him. and he still misses the leader, and all his friends there, and akari. he knows it was wrong, but sometimes he still wants to go back.

I do wonder about this!! There's a lot of different ideas rattling around my head as to what a post-team chaos Ingo could look like!!

The ideal reality is one where he slowly starts to recover his previous self- it's a long and drawn out process, one that they probably could make faster by use of a psychic Pokemon of their own, but at this point... that's risky. They don't want to chance damaging Ingo's psyche anymore, even if the slow drawn out process of him returning to himself is painful to watch. But eventually, he returns to a point where he's mostly his old self, even if there are new parts mixed in that didn't fade entirely. He's not cruel like Kuroaku was, but takes to expressing his negative thoughts more freely than before, though he generally tries to coach his words into something less biting. He recognizes his friends and family again, starts responding to his name again... but he and Dawn always still call each other Akari and Kuro.

He's also deeply haunted by guilt for the rest of his life, but his friends and family's forgiveness go a long way to helping him move on in spite of it. He can't really wear black anymore, so he switches to wearing a lot of purples instead. It takes him awhile to face the Pokemon he gained during his time as Kuroaku head on, but he can't abandon them, and they slowly get to know their trainer's true self even though he's aware they are probably some of the few who miss him as they once knew him.

There's probably also a reality where Kuroaku and Akari flee after Team Chaos is defeated. Their own plans to rewrite reality to make themselves real failed too, so they instead choose to disappear. They're afraid of disappearing into their old selves, and they know it will happen if they stay. So they hide, living as uncle and niece in a remote town somewhere (maybe the scarlet/violet region?).

They find their own version of recovery there. There memories are still a fragmented mess of truth and lies, but they find a balance between them. They have each other- a tiny little family where they both have the unique experience of being themselves, even though themselves did not previously exist. They feel guilt for leaving their old loved ones behind as their old memories slowly start to mix in with the fake, and sometimes they send letters- taking care that they're not traced back to them. They don't know if they ever read them or not. It doesn't really matter.

Their old personalities emerge more, but they're left with good chunks of their new ones too. Kuro is still a cold man on the surface with a sharp tongue, but his kindness shows through his actions. There's no Pokecenter in town, so the kids living there take their injured Pokemon to Kuro, who always knows how to treat them. His advice is biting, and sometimes phrased in mean ways- but he's right, and it's always helpful. His niece Akari is friendly enough compared to her uncle, but she's still merciless in battle, and still uses underhanded tactics and loves to trash talk. But she'll still heal up your Pokemon afterwards- and if you do manage to beat her, she just laughs it off. Damn. You got her good!

They gradually realize that their actions while in Team Chaos were wrong, and that maybe this reality is... okay, actually. As long as they have each other, and their Pokemon, that's all that matters.

[kenxmatsui]

He leaned into her touch with a slow exhale, the only one who could calm his thoughts in such a manner, nodding to what she said he agreed to that wholeheartedly, "No other lifetimes." He wanted to promise her that but words died before they could be uttered, why his brain chimed it'll just be another point of failure. He didn't have the energy to refute that no matter how much he wanted to. But the other, that he could confirm, "Of course. You can't be surprised like that when I say such things, I need you to believe it, babe, who else but you?" Hands wrapped around, a kiss to the top of her head as she clung to him. If there was a moment where he could pause time, now would be that moment. He had to wonder her reaction if he elaborate on what he said, spill his thoughts on the topic, reveal future plans…but this wasn't the time for it. Not so open, not so publicly, not when she pouted at him like that in the next beat.

This needed more thought than he had allocated for it, but when she spoke on her struggles, he had to give in. His hauntings were his own, they had their own way to torture him in waking moments and would likely hit worse if gave into sleep, but for her.. for her he would bear it. He couldn't be so selfish to keep her from such a thing, away from horrors was part of the promise to protect was it not? And to think he was keeping from sleeping when she required it and he did not outweighed any reasonings creeping fear came up with. He did not allow himself to feel such a thing anymore. "Alright," he said after a heavy swallow, trying to keep his voice level and even, "I don't want you to keep going through that. I'll sleep." And off in the corners of his mind, a door opened, releasing an unsettling gust through him, laughter echoing on that wind.

The switch now drew confusion back onto his face, "But I did? I said I was aware, I saw Rohan this morning. Again, don't bother was an answer to you saying you won't bother." With a deep breath, he continued, "Look, it's clear to me now that I didn't pick up your tone when you first said it. To say one thing and mean something else is not a skill I'm well versed in." He had scanned her statements for sarcasm too, but that he knew how to spot on since it was something he used heavily, but hers held a something else he failed to recognise. He could not tell if she was playing him nor did he have the energy to autopsy more words to find what she wanted him to do, picking one thing that stood out, he followed that path, "There was nothing to acknowledge with that, your expatiation on Todd made me file it away because you felt so strongly on it, which isn't bad if that's what you thought. We have differing opinions." Ken listened to her explain he shook his head, "That's not selfish, that word holds more weight than you're giving it. At least to me it does. You knocking off that hat was the right move, not damning a person, it's a ghost. Ghost. Incorporeal spirit. And Rohan knows my thoughts on the matter too." He softened the edges of his tone, "I'm not here to upset you more but if you want me to say it fine. I don't think it's good news for Todd either, he's tethered to Rohan, that's not a life. Which, sure, is rich coming from someone living on borrowed time, but there you go. If he's happy then fantastic, my opinions won't change his outlook on life. Todd looks at you like that because you're one of the only ones that tried to do something, if you don't see that as an act of kindness and caring, then I really don't know what else to say. If any of that sounded harsh and caused your hurt to increase, I'm sorry, but you wanted me to speak on it."

Another switch had him shut eyes tight trying to process yet again. "What? That's…" Christ. "You're upset I don't find you cute? Did I not just say you're irresistible? Or is it because I didn't kiss you? I'm thoroughly confused." And emotionally spent trying to figure this out too but he faced her anyway and so taken aback by the sharpness at which she said that again he genuinely couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out, "Yes, I heard you the first time, I'm still processing that you actually need me to confirm. Suresh was likely trying to rile you up, and I think you fell for it." Casting the very public place they were in and his discomfort on it aside for a minute since it became obvious what she wanted, intimacy naturally laced his words as he wrapped arms around her waist, the act alone easing the static in his head to a clearer space, "You do realise I'm in love with you, right? Or is that going to come as another surprise? I really didn't think that was something that needed to be said but…" He bent his head to place a trail of kisses along her neck, "Is this proof enough that I don't want Suresh or do you need more? If yes, please not here."

"Hey," Her voice no more than a soft murmur as she lifted herself up onto her tiptoes. Her thumb lightly brushed across his cheek as she cupped his face in her hands, guiding his gaze down to meet her. "Look at me, I'm right here. I promise. No more hypotheticals, okay?" She assured him. "I didn't- I didn't mean it like that. I just was trying to say that you're it for me? And- well," She chewed lightly on her bottom lip as she admitted, "I can't imagine a life without you? I won't. I won't do it. That's... that's all? Though," as he pressed her lips against her forehead and told her he'd find her in every life time, she wanted to swoon. And yet the thought of their being another lifetime made her brows furrow and her bottom lip jut out once more into a pronounced pout. "There won't be any more lifetimes." That was a promise. Just as he couldn't do hypotheticals, she didn't want to hear about another life. Not when she was certain that she wouldn't regenerate. Not after everything. She'd rather it be it than live on knowing that she'd be forced to lose this. "But," Her eyes widened. Her expression softening as he told her she was forever. "I am?" She blinked over at him. The sentiment likely shouldn't have surprised her at this point and, yet, seeing how she had never been anyone's everything it did. He had been it for her for over a year now, but to hear it said back meant more to her than he could possibly know. "Mhm," She ducked her chin in as she moved to burry her face back against his chest. The faintest murmur of an 'I love you' filled the air around them as she clung onto him. Cheeks flushing pink with each passing breath.

At the rejection of sleep, however, her arms fell back to her sides. Her gaze dropping to the ground as she muttered under her breath, "Not nothing. I wouldn't have to wake up screaming if you did." If he would only sleep next to her, even for one night, she could escape her own nightmares that tormented her relentlessly. They had been bad when she had been living with Dilan, but now they were even worse. The image of him having his neck slit open and the pain she had felt from being shoved off of the clock tour lived on repeat in her head. And then there was their fight in the dreamscape, only in her night terrors, she entered his dream to find herself stumbling upon his limb body rather than the reverse. She didn't know how much longer she'd be able to bear it. But, if she could only dream walk, then they both would able to escape their nightmares. She could slip into his head and alter their surroundings so that they were curled up at home or wandering around the streets of Paris. She thought she might be able to help them both. Take advantage of her abilities for once. But, once again she found herself needing him far more than he would ever need her.

"Nothing," She shook her head. "I was just saying how you made me soft is all. Y-yeah, but not too badly? It was only a few scratches, but okay. You don't have to be a part of it. Same thing! If you really found me that cute, you wouldn't be immune," She countered. Though, her heart did leap as he told her that he believed her when it came to Suresh without needing an explanation as to what had gone down. It almost made her feel a little guilty to be roping in Ken to get someone back for essentially complimenting him, even if the compliment went too far and had seriously crossed a line.

"You didn't say you already knew so I didn't have to tell you though. You said 'don't bother'. There is a difference and one is far harsher than the other," She contested. "And I never said that I thought it was 'good news' that Todd was back. I said 'the good news for Todd' which is again different. Todd got his life back after being dead for forty years. So, yeah, judging from his reaction, he was happy to be alive. But, just because I don't wish him dead, doesn't mean that I wanted him to come back this way and I don't like you implying such or pulling away when you're about to kiss me because I clearly something I said rubbed you the wrong way but rather than just acknowledge it, you, well, did that," She frowned as the rejected feeling she had felt when he pulled back made its way to the forefront of her brain. "Don't do that. Don't stand there and act like I'm the only one who feels slighted here. You pulled away from me and first might I add. It's no wonder I'd be hurt when you do something like that," She grumbled out. Her gaze falling back to her shoes as she rocked back and forth. All too hyper aware of the way her cheeks were heating in embarrassment for having to admit that she was hurt by the fact he hadn't kissed her when he had clearly been about to.

"I was going to, if you hadn't told me my cuteness had no affect on you. And yeah I did! You weren't there. You don't get it. He was sweet and genuinely thankful for even a minute of his life back. He wanted to live and badly. But, all I could think about was Rohan. I knocked the hat he was possessing off Ro's head the second I had an opening and damned a person who had been imprisoned for the past forty years back into that torment. I did that. Without missing a beat, I chose Ro. So, what was I supposed to do? Let Todd stayed trapped there for the rest of time knowing that I was the one who put him back in that cage? How would I live with myself? Selfishly, I made a petition to resolve some of my stupid guilt and you know the worst part? He doesn't blame me one bit. Todd looks at me when I'm some hero when I was petitioning to have him exorcised." Or shoved into an unoccupied corpse, but having his soul return to his body hadn't been an option she would have ever consider. Not when it meant someone else would have to die in his stead. She didn't deserve Todd's thanks. She had made the petition for herself for selfish reasons. Not for him, but so that she could feel better about herself at the end of the day for looking out for her friend and Todd was too pure of soul to hold it against her.  

"Because he wants to fuck you," She reiterated, having thought she had been clear enough already when it came to what Suresh's intentions were. "And he doesn't care that I'm in the picture," She heaved a sigh, turning back on the balls of her feet to look up at him. "You know you could say that you don't want to fuck him back. That is an option," She mumbled out once more, not knowing how she should exactly take silence when it came to something like that. "I'll stay. But only if you promise you don't find Suresh attractive in the slightest and no lying."

[thedelusionreaderbitch]

Matthias Helvar x fem! Healer! Reader - Mine

A/n: I don't think I've finished a request fast... Looks longingly at all the other drafts that are requests. Fuck.

Warnings: Kind of sexual at some points, injuries, mentions of death, I think that's it? You have been warned!

Request: Can I please request an soft, romantic oneshot of female!healer!reader and Matthias Helvar falling in love with each other, please? thank you so much!!

I do not own six of crows or shadow and bone or its characters! I also do not own this gif!

Matthias had first meant her lying in bed.

He had been hurt and everyone was internally freaking out because the Fjerdan never showed any pain yet here he was lying on his death bed the screams of pain coming from his lips every now and then.

Blackness was looming over him, there was no light he couldn't feel Djel like he should have. Maybe his sins had lined up too high, or maybe Djel had abandoned him like Nina had. He didn't know what was going to happen, all he knew was that death was almost certain at this point, he could hear the wolves howling in the distance. They were coming for him - he was sure of it.

Something he didn't understand happened though. He was in the dark taking his last few breaths then a blinding light that must have been sent from Djel himself came barreling through the door kneeling right in front of him.

"Not today." The woman muttered as she hovers her hands over the top of his injury.

"I still need to get paid, so if you could you know - stay alive for me here that would be great." She grits her teeth together and suddenly the world is just light.

The only thing he can see through the blinding of the whiteness is her and her eyes telling - begging him to hold on for a little longer.

So he does.

Gasping for breath Matthias realizes there's no pain in his chest anymore, there's no blackness yet there's no overwhelming white either. There's only a soft glow at the end of his bed belonging to the woman he recognizes as the person who saved him.

"What happened?" He mumbles and his voice comes out groggy and part of him is ashamed that that's what he says when there's a beautiful woman sitting on the edge of his bed tending to his wounds. The other part of him wonders how he can be so bashful over a girl he's barely meant.

"You broke all your ribs so your chest was starting to disconnect when you were breathing. You're lucky I got there on time or else you would have been dead. You passed out after I healed you."

The healer doesn't move off his bed but closer actually and she moves so close she's levelheaded with him as Matthias sits up.

She brush's a piece of his blond hair away from his face and cups his cheek for a second and for a felting moment he's sure she was going to kiss him. But she pulls away before they can get any close and he's half glad because he was sure she could've probably heard how his breathing had how it speed up.

"Matthias." Finally he breaths out looking at the temptress with wide eyes.

The girl smiles and he stupidly puts up his head to be shaken but instead of taking it or laughing at him, she kisses him on the lips.

It's not for very long, it's very brief actually, and this is all crazy because he had just meant her (he doesn't even know her name!) Yet he can't get her eyes out of his head or the feeling of her lips against his and how he eagerly kissed her back.

She pulls away really fast but he still has time to commit everything to memory before she stands up leaving the doorway but stopping midway.

"Y/n, my name is Y/n."

He knew her name.

___________________

Nothing happened entirely after that, Matthias and Y/n grew close and became quick friends.

Friends who sometimes kiss. The former Druskelle was pretty sure that friends didn't kiss, even in Kerch.

"Matthias I swear to your tree god if you don't put me down I'm going to rip you to shreds!" Y/n screams at him as he carries her trying to get the Slat on time before she dies.

"You are hurt." He says simply in retaliation, as the girl fumes and struggles to get out of his arms.

"I'm a healer!"

Matthias just rolls his eyes and bursts through the Slat doors with an injured and a very frustrated Y/n.

"You can't heal yourself completely Y/n I'm not stupid." He whispers down into her ear as he takes them up the stairs going in (unintentionally) his room.

She hurriedly gets out of his arms face red from embarrassment and starts working on her wound. They both stay there in silence for a bit before he starts to get bandages and ointments to help her heal the rest.

He hands them over to her and she staches them out of his arms not even looking at him. She doesn't say anything either as she winces when she places the ointment on what's left of the wound. She warps it up and the silence is still on like a broken switch that can't go back down. Wolves that are hurt but can't howl in fear of their abuser.

"How did you figure it out?" She whispers quietly as she finishes warping up her wound. It's barely audible but he hears it because he always notices when she says something. Matthias doesn't know if he's ever been so aware of someone before.

Because she is so much more than just a friend to him.

"In Fjerda we were trained to see the signs when a Grisha hadn't been trained at the little palace." He pauses for a second, wincing internally because it was easier to kill Grisha who weren't as well trained.

"Oh." She says looking down trying to hide her eyes from him.

"That doesn't mean I think any less of you though, you... Your power is strong most Grisha wouldn't be able to heal people entirely in seconds if they hadn't trained at the little palace."

She finally lifts her head up to meet his eyes and he swears she's a heartrender because he can't breathe.

But before he can even look for a second longer she's at the doorway opening the door to leave him. Again.

"Is that it? Is that all that you think of me?" She demands him to answer her with the tone that she's using, yet it doesn't remind him of Brum or any of that. It only reminds him of her.

*Flashback*

She shifted her body to face his and he shamefully looks away from the woman before him. Who was of course only wearing her undergarments?

"Kaz needs this for a job."

His head snaps back to look at her with fire in his eyes as her hands trail up and down his arms. He holds back a shiver and looks down at the serpent. He was her prey and she's ready to strike because he so memorized with her. Se must have bitten him with her poison because he wasn't backing down.

Fury fuels his veins at the thought of anyone touching her in that way. Probably he wouldn't get through the mission if he had to see it.

She places her hand around his neck and he's trying hard not to look at it because it wasn't proper but she was beautiful.

"Don't you have a job to get to?" He murmurs as he tries and to hold back his stare.

Her laughs rings out around them and her soft glow is back for a split second before it's gone in a snap.

Her other goes around to his back and she leans into his ear.

"Hold my waist." Her voice is commanding and he was addicted to her poison that made him do whatever she desired. And who could deny a strong woman that used that tone?

So he does and then she kisses him.

This isn't like their first time but it isn't their second time either. He has become accustomed to the way her lips felt against his own, yet he didn't ever want her to stop because every time it just got better.

She bites down on his lips before trailing her own down to his neck.

His breath comes out in pants as she trails further and further down till she's found his sweet spot.

"Vixen." He gasps as she bites down hard on his sweet spot before she gives him one gentle kiss before pulling away.

"I have a job to get to Helvar."

Then she's gone.

*Flashback over*

"No." He calls out to her.

"That's definitely not what I think of you."

This time he wraps his arms around her waist before leaning down to kiss her.

And this time it's him who kisses her and their lips shift together and move in sync before he pulls away. Both of them were breathless.

"I think of you as mine."

And she doesn't object to that.

Words 1467

thedelusionreaderbitch

Shadow and bone taglist: @kaqua @rika90 @thefandomplace @musical-theatre-obsessed-dumbass @gallysonegoodlung @navs-bhat @sumsebien @dontjudgeabookbythecover @brekker-zenik @alohastitch0626

(If you want to be tagged just comment shadow and bone taglist!)

[babylooneytoonz]

the Other Lane.

pairing : Clark Kent x Reader

requested by: @dashingcavill [Hope you like this! 💛]

warnings: Angst with a happy ending, and a lot of fluff in the end.

A/N: Ah, I'm really sorry I couldn't help but put some major angst in here, but I swear the ending is happy and I added the right amount of feels and fluff to make it hurt less. 💛

[The Masterlist]

You often wondered if you were born to your parents only to become a commodity that could be compared to your sister, Lois , at all times. Yes, the two of you were different, she had glamourous blonde hair and sparkling blue irises that made her strike out, while you had sombre [Y/H/C] hair and dull [Y/E/C] eyes that peeked out from the tint of your glasses. If the glasses weren't enough to fit you perfectly into the category that was termed as 'nerds', the fact that you loved to bury yourself into mounds and mounds of books, and literature was sure to fit you into that bill. All that comparison, but that didn't lessen the bond that you shared with Lois though.

However, things slowly started changing, the dynamics messing up when Clark Kent came into your life, as a friend and as a colleague.

Lois worked as a reporter for Daily Planet, and you, well you were mostly working in the background, struggling to make a run with your tiny little column on relationship advises. It wasn't like you were any less intelligent, but maybe you just were okay with how everything was going.

It didn't mean that there weren't times at all when Lois made you secretly jealous. To be fair, it didn't bother you when you heard stories of how Lois got herself into trouble yet again, with none other than the Superman came to her rescue. You could still take that, considering the fact that Superman took his duty towards the civilians as his topmost priority, but when you began noticing obvious changes in your sister's behaviour when she talked to Clark, his alter ego; your colleague at work, you couldn't help but start feeling the little pangs of jealousy.

It all began subtly— starting from lingering glances at the workplace, to hands brushing with each other's, almost innocently, yet the two of them had a sparkle in their eyes when it did. At first, you decided to ignore them at work, trying your best to not run into Clark Kent while you were in your office building. The reason for this was still inexplicably strange for you. You didn't even know the man that well, yet you could do nothing in your control to keep your budding feelings for him under check. It was like, the more you avoided Clark Kent, the more you began aching to get a glimpse of him.

As the days passed, you realized that your crush on Clark was slowly getting more prominent, and you started feeling scared, dreading if there ever came a day that your secret crush on him with finally be out. To top it up a notch, you wondered how Lois will react, knowing well aware that there was something blooming between the two of them, although she had never admitted this to you herself. Also, you kept hoping that whatever this was, between Clark and Lois, it was maybe all in your head and that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't even true, and you hoped it wasn't.

Soon, days grew into weeks and weeks flew by as long months, and you realized that what you felt for Clark wasn't just a silly crush, but you were actually falling in love with the man. It was the littlest things that he did that made your heart melt. You would, sometimes, run into him in the cafeteria, where he would be filling up his mug of coffee. He was a gentleman, he would smile and greet you warmly, your eyes meeting his sparkling bright ones as he would move out of the way and insist that you went ahead first. You would often end up taking elevator rides with him, and he would make sweet small talks with you, talking to you about everything, ranging from the weather to a possible alien invasion.

The plan that you had cooked up to avoid Clark Kent went down the drain from those days onwards. Instead, you almost began running into Clark almost everyday. The gossips about Clark and Lois had, by then, died down and you couldn't help but feel relieved, relieved that maybe you had just been dreaming, and there was nothing between Lois and Clark.

"Hey [Y/N], can I borrow your turtleneck? I can't seem to find mine?"

You looked up from the book that you had been binge reading on, flustered and embarassed, as you immediately tossed the book unceremoniously into your blanket. Of course, you couldn't let your sister in on the fact that you were secretly reading the fifty shades series. She would tease the living hell out of you. And then there was the fact that you felt ashamed of the fact that you could practically imagine Clark Kent in your mind as Christian Grey, and it was making you all heated up and bothered.

Lois raised an eyebrow when she saw you red you had turned, "Are you okay? You look like a massive human sized tomato."

"Gee, Lois, thanks?" You mumbled, still reeling from the way she had suddenly barged into your bedroom, as you pushed your glasses over the bridge of your nose, "couldn't bother to knock?"

"Since when do we do these formalities?" She wiggled her eyebrows dramatically, and dashed towards your closet, throwing it open as her fingers began working through the hangers, looking for what she was looking for. She was practically messing up your closet, so you sighed and decided to give her a helping hand. Abruptly, you slid out of the covers, forgetting about the novel that you had hidden underneath and the novel suddenly slipped off the side of the bed and fell to the floor, it's covering full on display.

You facepalmed, burying your face into your hands as Lois walked up to the book and picked it up, smirking obviously as she read out the title out loud just to tease you.

"Looks like my baby sister is finally growing her wings."

"Stop it, Lois. Don't embarass me," you grumbled, looking away. Instead, you dashed up to your closet and pushed her to the side, roughly pulling out your turtleneck as you handed it to her.

"Come on, [Y/N]" she laughed, shaking her head, messing up her perfectly styled blonde waves as she ran a hand through them, "We all have done this. You're not the only one. Nothing to be embarassed about. It's not like you're watching porn."

"It is technically still porn if I'm reading it," you whispered, watching her as she examined the turtleneck and smiled, as though she had pictured just the best trousers to go with it in the back of her mind as she absentmindedly replied back, "Again, sis, we all have done it."

You noticed the way she kept glancing at her phone, with a smile threatening to spill across her features. You raised your eyebrows and smacked your lips together, blinking curiously. She finally looked up and saw that you were staring at her so she grinned, "Guess who has a date tonight?"

"A date?" You asked, absentmindedly.

"Clark asked me out, [Y/N]. He is taking me to this really good Thai place that opened up in the suburbs and I just couldn't decide on what to wear!! This will just go perfectly with my jeans."

It happened so suddenly, but it still did. You felt like someone had just ripped your gut out with bare hands. You suddenly felt empty, was an understatement. You suddenly felt strange and cut off, and everything around you suddenly felt cold and distant and gloomy. You looked up at her, your earlier warmth having dissipated into a cold, dark look and you gave her a smile, biting your lip, "That's great, Lois. Have fun."

Lois noticed the way your face fell, but she couldn't understand or take the hint. She kept watching as you moved away, turning your back towards her and didn't utter another word. She parted her lips, wanting to ask her what had gone wrong suddenly, but decided not to, or rather, keep the discussion for another time. She didn't want Clark to reach before she had even gotten ready. You didn't step out of your bedroom, that night when Lois returned from her date with Clark, and Lois frowned when she saw that the lights to your bedroom were already switched off. You were a late sleeper.

Two months later,

Lois looked up from the article that she had been reading to find you enter the dining room with a breakfast plate in your hand.

"Mornin'," you mumbled, your voice barely audible as you sat down on a chair in front of her, next to your father, Sam Lane. Your father looked up from the newspaper that he was reading, and glanced at Lois who shrugged her shoulders in response and he cleared the throat.

"Honey, don't you think you've been locking yourself up in your room for long now? When was the last time you actually did something that didn't involve either the bed, or your office desk?" The cutting crispness in his voice was enough to slice through your heart, but weirdly, you felt nothing, ecen when you heard Lois gasp and mumble something to her father in protest.

"What do you want me to do, dad?" You asked, sipping your juice, your eyes fixed to your plate.

Ignoring you, Sam turned towards his elder daughter as he narrowed his eyes at her, his loud, booming voice echoing through your house, "Lois, what the hell happened at work? She just quit? And didn't even give a damn valid reason as to what on earth happened?"

"I don't know, dad. She hardly talks to me anymore," Lois replied.

You chuckled dryly to yourself, wondering when you had become so invisible to the world. You were right there with them and yet they regarded you like you weren't even there.

"It was difficult to get you job at the Daily Planet and look at you, throwing it away for whatever the hell the reason was." Your dad barked.

Your fingers clenched into a fist and Lois visibly tensed. Hurriedly, she stood up and announced that she was leaving. You stood up too, but not for work, but rather to go back to the place that you had locked yourself in for the past two months. When you reached the door, you turned around and regarded your father, mumbling, "Why would you care anyway? You never really did before."

You kicked open your room door and slammed it back shut again as you ran straight for your bed. You were trembling like a leaf trying to detach itself from the tree when you buried your face into the pillow and screamed as loudly as you could into it. You were a mess, a walking , talking, living, breathing mess.

You cried, for almost thirty minutes, until you were out of tears. You then sat up and rubbed your eye sockets, finally taking a deep breath. You were letting Clark and Lois affect you so much, you had forgotten what it was like to live normally. How were you supposed to go on like this? If you wouldn't take a command of your own life again, then how would learn to get back up on your feet? When would you learn to accept that you would never get Clark? He wasn't the one for you.

Feelings are so transient, it's like you can feel them slicing through your insides one minute, and then the other minute, you feel unrealistically numb.

With those sorts of destructive thoughts in your mind, you sneaked a bottle of whiskey that night from your father's liquor cabinet at two am at night. You rolled the window pane and snuck out onto the fire escape until you were climbing up towards the roof the building of your apartment, the bottle in tow.

You fixed yourself on the ledge, using your teeth to twist the bottle cap as you took a swig of it, feeling the warm liquid burn your relentless thirst for relief. Sip after sip, you kept staring at the starless sky, mediating your gaze from the sky down to the glittery buildings.

"Will I ever forget you, Clark Kent?" You whispered, into the thin air, laughing bitterly at yourself as you took the last sip from the bottle before it rolled away. The way the lights glimmered in front of you, and one of two cars drove past your building, looking like tiny little blinking lights from the height you were at, you realized one thing. No matter how bad your heart is broken, the world doesn’t stop for your grief.

You were lost in a turbulence of your own thoughts, so entangled into them, you didn't hear the soft thud somewhere behind you, neither the sound of the faintest footsteps that got closer to you, with every passing second. You took a sharp breath, and slowly stepped over the ledge, feeling shudders all over your frame as the winds hit you all over you. You footing, however, slipped, a sharp scream erupting from your lips as you fell backwards against gravity, your heart almost stopping.

Someone suddenly reached out towards you, gripping your wrist, leaving you hanging from the ledge, your body flailing in the air.

He pulled you with a jerk towards you, and your body hit his front, your hair falling all over your face partially covering it. You felt intoxicated, so much, that you had almost died by falling off the building but you didn't feel the scare, the only thing you felt was a sudden surge of adrenaline.

"WHAT THE HELL?!" Superman growled, through gritted teeth, his eyes sparkling as you jerked you by your shoulders.

"Clark? Is -- that you?!" You slurred, holding on to his cape tight to hold you in place. You were in a weird state of mind, you could see that it was him, but you couldn't figure out if it really was him, or if it was your mind that was playing an illusion on you.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" Clark fumed, still holding on to you by the low of your back. He suddenly jumped off the ledge, with you in tow, away from the edge, so the two of you were in the middle of the roof now.

"K-Kill myself? No, I.. I.." You stammered, struggling for the right words but your brain felt frozen.

"Two months, and you don't show yourself. And when I finally see you, you're trying to jump off a fucking building?!" His eyes just then fell on the empty whiskey bottle. He growled, clenching his fists tight as he let go off you and walked up to the where the bottle lay, his cape flying behind him. He bent, lifting it up as he examined it, noticing how the neck of the bottle had your lipstick imprints on it. "And you're drunk. To top it up a notch."

Your nostrils flared in an anger you hadn't experienced ever before, your secret feelings finally crushing you completely, mixed with the alcohol that was rushing through your blood. You growled, like a cornered animal, that was wounded yet didn't want to back down. You pushed him, once, twice, throwing out all your pent up anger and frustration into his steely body like he felt no hurt. You screamed, you lashed, you scratched and you cried, finally coming undone, like beads of a rosary coming apart and scattering all over the floor.

Clark's heart broke at the sight of you. He had always seen you as a strong, happy woman, always smiling for him whenever he saw you at work. And this woman, that stood in front of his eyes right now, was far from it.

"I am not weak! I wouldn't kill myself! You give yourself too much importance, to think that someone would give their life for you!" You lashed out.

You were tired of hitting him like a punching bag. He grabbed you by your wrists, holding them together in front of you, pressed against his chest. He slowly moved, so he was towering over you, his back shielding you from unwanted, prying eyes as he gazed into your eyes, trying to find the answer to where all of this was coming from.

"You don't know what you're talking about. Come on, Lois is worried about you."

You couldn't stop yourself when your hand jerked itself free from his hold, and your palm struck his cheek. There was a crackling noise, of skin against skin, and tears formed in your eyes when the realisation hit you, all the intoxication washing off of you. You had just slapped Superman, a man that could snap your neck by grabbing your throat. Yet, he just stood there, too shocked to even register that you had slapped him right across his face and what was worse, he couldn't understand the reason you had done that. Anger was surfing through his veins, but worse than the anger that he was feeling, he was feeling like someone had pulled his heart out, ripping it to shreds right in front of his eyes.

"Why?" He let go off your other hand, his own palm coming to rest against his cheek as you gave you a look full of hurt.

"Why did you even save me, Clark? You should have let me fall. Atleast, it would have spared me the pain of listening to her name flow out of your lips again."

"Why do you hate her so much? She is your sister, [Y/N] and she cares for you. She worries that you're killing yourself and she doesn't know the reason why--" Clark was losing his temper, slowly but surely. He didn't understand you and that was eating him up.

"The reason why? WHY??! Oh Clark can you stop? And listen to yourself. I love Lois, but she needs to stop trying to govern my life. I'm allowed to feel sad, I'm allowed to feel a fucking heartbreak--" You didn't realise, but your lips were trembling now, your eyes leaking salty tears. You shivered when you felt Clark hold you by your shoulders but you didn't push his arms away.

"Who broke your heart?" He whispered, his voice cracking.

"You're fucking daft for a man who saves the world--" Hissing bitterly , you pushed yourself away from Clark's grip and turned towards the ledge but this time, you didn't try anything that would risk your life. You simply revelled in the cold feeling of the wind striking your tear stained face as you took a punctured breath, feeling Clark's breath on the side of your neck.

"Who broke your heart?" He asked again, but this time it was much softer, and it made you bite down on your lip to hold yourself from breaking into a hysterical crying.

"You did, Clark. You broke my heart." You finally whispered, staring into the abyss in front of you, your eyes cloudy and your throat parched as you continued, your lips trembling, "I loved you. Always did, but you never looked at me. It was always Lois. And it killed me, watching you love her, knowing that you will never love me the way you love her--" Clark let you speak, he wanted to listen to you, for you to let it all out, all those bitter things that you had locked up inside your mind, that was slowly eating you up and killing you from the inside. "I am tired of everyone, for you, for my father and for the world to see me as the Other Lane, as Lois Lane's little sister. My name is [Y/N]. I like to draw although I am shit at it, I can sing in the showers and I hate partying. That is me. I want a normal relationship too, but it seems that the world is against me. I fell in love with one man, and turns out, he isn't even human, he is a freaking superhero from Krypton?"

Clark let out a gruff sounding snort, as he looked down at you. Reluctantly, he reached for a strand of hair that was sticking to your tear coated cheek, removing it and gently tucking it behind your ear. He felt a shudder run down your spine, with just a gentle touch of his hand and he smiled, biting his lip. How was he supposed to tell you what the truth was?

"You remember how we met at the cafeteria every morning ? And I let you take the coffee?"

You nodded, listening to him, trying to control the crying that had now turned to sniffles, as Clark kept speaking.

"And the countless times I ran into that elevator with you and me stuck inside for just two floors?"

"You must have been thinking how weird I was. How unlike Lois--" You began, but you were cut off by Clark's voice.

"I used to wonder if there was anything I could do to make the elevators stop working, so I'd get to spend more time with you. Wretched elevators, not once did anything go according to what I wanted." He mumbled, but he had a small smile playing on his lips, while you just looked on, staring at him in disbelief, wondering if your mind was playing jokes with you once again.

"I thought I would take Lois' help, to you know, figure out if you felt the same way, but you never said anything to her."

"What about the date? Lois and you went on?" You asked.

"Well, I --" he shrug, looking down at his feet, sheepishly, " Lois thought you would confess how you felt for me if we pretended to--"

You were too numb to react; so you just blinked in retaliation. Your blood ran cold, and you suddenly felt light headed. All this while, while you had secretly been pining for Clark Kent to love you back, was it actually the other way round? Was Clark going through the same thing wondering if you felt the same for him?

"That was cowardly." You hissed, through pursed lips, "Trying to pretend to be in love with my sister."

"I was in love with the other Lane," he bit his lip, his face slightly inclined towards you, so he was looking down at you, and you up at him, "I think you are amazing. You are intelligent, and smart. And you're unique. There are these little things I adore about you. The way you greeted everyone whenever I was around-- ranging from the security guard, to the building keepers at the Daily Planet.. the way you forgot to wipe your lips after drinking coffee, and you had this froth all over your upper lip giving you a faint moustache?" He chuckled because you literally let out a gasp, suddenly embarassed.

"Then there were those days you had a bad day and you locked yourself up in your cabin, working all day. I wondered if I should just knock, but I was scared you will tell me off--" he continued, his blues peeking into yours. Your stomach fluttering, you couldn't help but laugh, as though a weight had been lifted off your chest suddenly and held him steady with your hand on his arm. Finally mustering enough courage, you pushed yourself on your toes, and reached up, letting your palm graze delicately over his cheek, caressing his cheekbone with your thumb, "I would have never told you off, Clark. Though that's not what is bothering me right now."

"What is ?" He asked, innocently, relaxing under the touch of your thumb.

"You said you're in love with the other Lane, Clark."

His lips creased, slowly tugging upwards into a smile that was enough to make you feel giddy. Superman wrapped a sturdy arm around you and felt yourself being lifted off, until he was practically holding you in his arms, "Mhm, yep? You got a problem, Miss Lane? Or do Kryptonians don't fit the bill ?"

"Oh, hush, Clark. You're such a dork. But will you be.. my dork?" You bit your lip, holding on to him as though your life depended on it.

"I thought... you'd never ask?" He began, unsure of how to properly weave the complexity of his feelings , churn them into words, something only Clark Kent was good at , and not his alter ego, but found himself halted by the soft press of your index finger against his lips and the sweet whisper of your voice against his ears as he held you close.

“I know, neither did I.” You whispered as he clasped your face in his massive hands and gently touched his lips to yours.

Three years later,

This had probably been the longest that Clark Kent had been away from you, his lover, his best friend, his wife-- four months to be exact. Needless to say, he was excited to be able to see you again, to hold you again.

The familiar silhouette of the cottage on top of the hill came into his view, flowers hanging into tiny earthen pots hanging out on the front porch. The freshly painted white picket fence looked beautiful, and inviting as Lois stood with Martha by the gate, both the ladies sipping tea from their respective cups and saucers. They couldn't contain their smiles when they saw Clark, even though he was covered in what looked like grime and blown up alien intestines?

"I don't even want to know what happened," Lois chuckled, while Martha hugged her son and he kissed the side of her cheek before she scrunched up her nose in disgust at how awful he smelled.

"Well, I guess I'll draw you a bath, you two can talk out here until the baths ready." Both Clark and Lois watched as Martha Kent disappeared into the home and he smiled, when Lois spoke again.

"FYI, she is at the orchard, harvesting the apples for an apple pie," Lois gave him a smug look, fluttering her lashes, "Oh don't pretend you don't want to see her. I can see your eyes darting around, trying to find her. I'll be inside, both of you, just come back in for supper."

He nodded, watching Lois leave and slowly, his fists clenched on either of his sides, he found his way into the tiny orchard that his lovely wife loved to spend most of her time at. He fixed himself by the wooden gate, his eyes admiring you from afar, as you stood on your tiptoes and picked out apples, tossing them into the basket that you held in your arm.

"Need help, Mrs. Kent?"

The basket dropped from your hand as you turned towards the source of the voice, your lips parted in shock. Clark's eyes travelled from you down to your beautiful swollen bump that your loose maternity dress was doing nothing to hide. He chuckled at your response as he walked towards you with longer, faster steps while you simply waddled towards him.

"Jesus, Clark-- I thought you'd miss the birth," you cupped your husband's cheeks in between your swollen fingers as he nuzzled his nose against yours, before kissing you.

"How is my monkey?" He brought his palm to rest against your nine month old baby bump, stroking over the fabric as he whispered against your lips.

"Moving around, not letting me get an ounce of sleep," you smiled, letting your fingers rest over his hand that rested against your stomach, "but I cant really complain now, can I? After all the little nugget's got Kryptonian blood running through their veins."

Clark chuckled, his blue eyes crinkling slightly as he knelt down in front of you, his face in line with the base of your bump as he planted a kiss on the curve of it.

"Come on, Kal Jr, will you stop bothering your mom? She needs all the sleep she can before you push your way into the world and steal our goodnight sleeps for a while," you smiled warmly, as you peered down at him, running your fingers through his hair and he looked up at you, planting another kiss against your bump.

You suddenly frowned and looked at the brown mess on your fingers that stank.

"God, Clark? What the hell? Did you seriously take a dive in a shit pool?"

He chuckled as he pulled himself up again and his hand once again found the base of your stomach to lay his hand protectively upon.

"Alien blood. You should have seen the intestines that covered me. It looked like noddles dipped in black bean sauce and meatballs--" You smacked him hard against the chest to shut him up, but instead he began laughing, his laughter rumbling out of his stomach as you began dragging him inside with his stained cape.