#i wonder how much prep went into that one bc there were so many little references

[serendipnpipity]

re-listening to the old stereo shows and HOW DID I FORGET the dnp april fools prank of 2021 was time-traveling to 2011???

(x)

[vanishingstarrs]

pancakes for dinner ( k bakugo x nurse!reader, pro hero era, established relationship, just soft and pure vibes, down bad bakugo aka my boyfie fr, slight smut at the end, NSFW, minors DNI ) ( guysss i’ve been so sick and i’ve been suffering having to work still bc #hispanic we ain’t eva allowed to call out )): i’ve been wanting to write please please please x bakugo but haven’t had the energy, meantime hope y’all enjoy this little fic <3 just wholesome mushy stuff for y’all but then it turned smutty at the end because why not lol also i’m pretty new to writing explicitly so pls lmk how it came out !! idk if i'll do that again lmao we shall see i guess )

You were exhausted.

Mentally and physically.

Work had been a tad overwhelming lately, with extra things being piled onto your already heavy workload after a big merger between two of Japan’s biggest hospitals, which in turn caused a lot of people to be let go. Not only had it been stressful wondering whether you’d make the cut or not after a “re-interview”, but when you learned that you had been accepted you’d also been asked if you could take on a few extra duties.

You had never been one to back down from work, always taking initiative and being happy to help any one of your coworkers that might need it.

Lately though, it seemed every single person needed help. Your coworkers, your patients, and if it wasn’t those two then it was your boss asking if you could help her with management duties that had nothing to do with the extra work you’d been assigned to do on top of everything else.

You were sick and tired.

Your muscles cried out as you pushed your apartment door open and immediately kicked off your shoes, groaning as you bent down in order to place them onto the shoe stand. You were sure you heard your back crack as you stood straight once more to hang your purse and keys.

You didn’t bother unpacking the lunch you never got time to eat, leaving the bag you packed it in tied up and in the fridge before heading into your bedroom and immediately shedding your scrubs. You hated doing skincare, but thought about how dirty your face must be after dealing with so many patients and dragged yourself into the bathroom to get it over with.

By the time you were finished doing everything, your body was begging you to lay down for just a minute.

A little power nap never hurt, you told yourself as you fell onto your bed face first and sighed. You hugged your pillow to your aching body and allowed yourself to relax for just a little while.

Though “a minute” quickly turned into three hours as the sun went down and the night sky pulled you further into dreamland.

You didn’t hear the front door open or close, you didn’t stir when your boyfriend started removing his hero equipment, much less wake when those heavy gauntlets he somehow wore all day hit the floor or when his pounding footsteps carried across the hardwood as he made his way to your shared bedroom to check on you.

You missed the brief smirk on his face as he found you lying on his side of the bed, on your right side with a leg propped up for comfort.

Katsuki knew how hard you’d been working lately with the merger between the two hospitals and how stressed it made you. With him working as a hero, he encountered many people that wound up needing to go to the hospital. On top of that, you also had all the other sick people that hadn’t been involved in some villain attack. You likely dealt and saved more people in a single day than he did in a month, he knew this, he was proud of the fact, actually, and incredibly proud of you.

He was damn lucky to have you.

And for all these reasons, he was happy to see you rest for a bit.

He’d often come home late and find that you’d already done all the cleaning around the house, as well as meal prep for both you and him, and still found the time to bake desert on top of making him dinner. You went above and beyond in all aspects of your life, often even calling and checking up on his parents when he hadn’t done so in too long. He’d receive texts from his mother scolding him and making sure he was taking good care of you the way she knew you did him, he swore you were the favorite and he understood why you were.

Everyone loved you.

He adored you.

Except he hadn’t been doing his part as well as he should be lately.

And so, while you slept, he quietly changed into some loungewear before carefully shutting the bedroom door closed behind him.

He tried his hardest to be quiet as he went around cleaning up throughout the house, he swept, he steam mopped the floors (and prayed he didn’t miss a spot), he did your laundry, took your work shoes and scrubbed them clean for your next workday, he took your old lunch and tossed it out before setting to work on preparing you something delicious for tomorrow.

Being in the kitchen was actually soothing for him, he liked being able to experiment with recipes and different things for you to try. He hated that he hadn’t made the time to recently. He cooked enough dinner to pack lunch for both you and him, then last minutely decided that you’d definitely want something sweet when you woke up and pulled out the ingredients to make pancakes from scratch.

You liked it best when you had pancakes for dinner, not breakfast.

He was extremely pleased when they turned out light and fluffy just the way you liked them and he set out to cut up some fruit for you to put on top, making sure everything was ready before heading back to your shared room.

Katsuki was less quiet this time around, as he slid into bed next to you. He propped himself up on his elbow as he buried his fingers into your hair and gently scratched your scalp.

You were exhausted, and likely wouldn’t have woken up if not for him leaning over and placing kisses from your neck all the way up to your ear. You felt his hot breath as he whispered for you to please wake up, which made you groan softly.

You’d yet to open your eyes, but who else would it be? You asked,“Katsuki?”

“Made you food, baby, c’mon, I saw you didn’t eat your lunch, you gotta put somethin’ in your belly.” He explained as he removed his hand from your hair and lifted the material of your shirt to rub up and down your stomach, you felt him inch closer to your chest before stopping himself and tugging your tank top back down to your waist.

You turned toward him, quickly finding the divet in between his shoulder and neck to plant your face in. You were barely awake, not really comprehending what he was trying to say.

“Missed you.” You relaxed further into him.

“Missed you so much, sweets.” You felt him kiss your forehead,“Hate to pull you from bed, but you really gotta open your eyes for me.”

You did as he asked, smiling as his face came into view, lit up by the soft light streaming in from the hallway. “Hi, honey.” You managed to get out as he smushed your cheeks (cuteness aggression) and placed three kisses onto your nose.

You grinned as he said hi back and repeated that he’d cooked for you.

You beamed, you hadn’t had his cooking in a while, but didn’t exactly make a move to get up from bed. It wasn’t until he revealed that he’d made you pancakes, that had you up in seconds.

He chuckled as he followed you down the hall, lightly smacking your butt as you happily made your way through the apartment. You turned to him with surprise,“You cleaned too?”

“Course.” He scoffed as he tugged on your hand and sat you down at your small table that sat four people max. “I’d do it more if you didn’t always beat me to everything, I was thinking I should be doing a bit more around here anyway.”

“I can handle it.” You said, like always.

He rolled his eyes as he brought over the plate he’d prepared for you.

“I didn’t say you couldn’t, I’m just saying you don’t have to give a hundred percent every day, you know? You could give me thirty and I’d be more than happy to give the remaining seventy.” He began to explain,“I wanna take care of you too, and that starts by you not doing everything.”

You silently watched him cut up your pancakes before placing some fruit onto them and drizzling maple syrup all over, he gave you tea to drink and pulled his chair closer to you while you ate.

He ran his fingers through your hair again as you told him all about your day before asking about his and what time he’d gotten home. He let you feed him a couple bites of food and you snagged a few extra kisses each time you lied and told him he had syrup on his face.

When you finished, he asked if you’d like a bit of real food, claiming he wanted you nice and full. You agreed, happy to eat what he’d prepared.

You were less tired now, satisfied with your belly full and sitting with your lover as he recalled a story about retrieving someone’s lost kitten in a tree. You laughed at the classic save and felt your mental load becoming lighter the more the minutes went on.

After eating, the pampering continued.

Katsuki demanded you allow him to run you a bath, and he quickly made the bathroom up with a few candles. He set up a movie for you to watch on your laptop as he came into the room with you and offered to wash your hair. You requested he get in with you then, and he obliged quickly, taking his time when it came to massaging his hands through your hair and pressing kisses against your back at every opportunity. He held you against his chest as you relaxed into him.

You honestly started to get sleepy again.

And then it was ripped away from you once more as Katsuki led you to bed, not to sleep, but to have you spread out against the mattress for him to plaster his tongue against you and demand he get his dinner now.

“Wanna take care of you.” He’d said.

He quickly had you squirming and writhing underneath his touch and the feel of his fingers inside as he worked you until completion. He sung you praises about how hard you’d been working lately, telling you how you deserved this and more, as well as making sure you knew how good you always did for him.

“One more, baby.” He begged.

One more turned into two then three, and by the time he finally lined himself up to your entrance you were spent. He worshipped your body, kneading your breasts and holding one of your hands back so you couldn’t hide how flushed your face had become from not just his compliments, but from the way he fucked you.

“Katsuki,” You moaned,“Close.” Again.

“Cum with me, baby, please.”

The movement of his hips was starting to get sloppy, but neither of you noticed through the haze. He whined in your ear as you latched onto his back with your hands and wrapped your legs around his waist, your walls squeezed him and he moaned one last time as he got lost in euphoria. He didn’t make a move to remove himself as he pressed his sweaty forehead against your own and kissed your cheek and then your neck and then your collarbone, making a line all the way down to your bellybutton.

He occupied himself with making sure you stayed awake despite your eyes being closed as you attempted to catch your breath, he sucked hard enough to leave a few marks along your chest and before you knew it you started to feel him become hard inside of you again.

Your eyes snapped open as you gave him a look.

Katsuki smirked as he rubbed your hip and stole your mouth briefly,“Gotta make sure you’re nice and full, baby, one more time f’me, please?”

“You’re insatiable.” You told him.

And yet, how could you say no to him when he looked at you that way?

It was a good thing you’d taken that nap earlier, especially now that your body would soon be aching for a different reason.

[the-gayest-show]

Review Bomb! (The Treble With Rivals - Potazel Hazel)

Hi, it's me again! I'm back with another review bomb bc i missed episodes at their airing times and watched some a bit out of order lol

I'm a bit more prepped this time so these reviews come with pictures! (Oooh! Ahhh!)

Enjoy!

The Treble With Rivals:

Mmm, music episode! Goes crazy knowing I can play violin and all but that's besides the point. The point is: we got a new fairy! And new fairy lore? THERE'S A MUSIC WORLD???

Seriously, this place fucks. I love it. I always love it when FOP A New Wish adds new fairies and stuff so music fairy is such fun!

LOOK AT HER DESIGN ITS COOL AF

I liked the OST of this episode tbh, the composers put some good moves into an episode based purely on music.

I also really liked the intro card this time, small detail I know, but the contrast yellow v blue was so fun!

I feel like this episode is *partially* a commentary on school bands/orchestras and how they interact with one another, even if unintentional. I say this because I was in my school's string orchestra this semester and I noticed that there's a whole community of music and little inside jokes (eg. viola slander in the strings community) and stuff so this sorta felt like that. Every band/group has their own little status (especially with size) and this episode showcased a bit of that relationship between music groups that I've witnessed (not that I've ever seen a whole ass rivalry but you get the point I hope).

My one singular complaint is that I felt the "erased music" plot was underwhelming? Like I read the description and thought it'd be a lot bigger in scale (I guess more action? More suspense? Takes up the whole episode?) but it wasn't... which I mean this was alright and all but somehow I thought it'd be a lot more adventurous.

Rattleconda Racers:

Peak episode! It's one of those episodes that likes to play around with setting and such, this time we were essentially stuck in movie style aspect ratio until the end when we went back to 16:9 (mmmm television proportions my beloved)

I liked the dive into the relationship between Hazel and her brother Antony! We saw a bit of them meeting up in The Treble With Rivals but not much of their relationship. I feel like it's super cute! Hazel still seems to be unable to adjust to how different her brother is and how he's got all those new experiences and it makes her feel disconnected and wanting everything to be back to the way it used to be, as shown through the game, where Hazel tries to get Antony to follow the game's path while Antony would rather go around the path and explore beyond.

It's a metaphor for change and excepting change, and how everything around both siblings changed so much (Antony going to college, Hazel moving to a new town) and how they both adjust to their new life.

I liked their little moment of making up with each other after Hazel gets increasingly mad that they aren't playing the game the way they used to, it's a sweet scene and I liked it.

Side note: ADORED Cosmo and Wanda's outfits this episode.

HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE THESE??!! THEY LOOK FIRE AS HELL!!!! Wanda especially with that dress it legit slays on her to be honest. Cosmo with the cowboy attire and "Cosmo the Kid" nickname is so funny

I also liked the side thing of Wanda really playing into her character but Hazel not letting her. YOU GO GIRL! BE DRAMATIC!! THE PLOT CALLS AND BECKONS FOR IT!!!!

Overall this was one of those fun episodes with a good message and character developments of Hazel and Antony (who we get a proper intro to as well!)

I remember many a people wondering if Antony shows up, then what? Since Hazel in the first episode really revolved around missing her brother and not dealing with moving to a new town, people thought she wouldn't need the fairies afterwards. At least, I think I saw stuff like that but I might as well clear this out of the way. I think Hazel has a lot of internal issues to get through, and she still needs her fairies, and it's pretty evident in this episode.

Dig A Little Deeper:

A fun episode that was basically Hazel having a special interest in geology and the lengths Hazel will go to make a perfect presentation about rocks. It's so rad! There's not really much to say about it. I liked the rock monsters and the adventures, it was quite fun!

The bedazzled wands were a hit with me tbh. I would totally own a bedazzled wand.

AND WE GOT PERI!!!!!!!!!! HE'S BACK!

Potazel Hazel:

[Me when I forget the name of the episode so it surprised me that this is the episode name]

I thought this was a cool as fuck episode.WE GOT ANOTHER NEW CHARACTER WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Mother Nature got that epic design and you can't argue with it. It's cooler than the music fairy' design and I thought she was neat! I'm ADORING the expansion to fairy lore we've been getting, the writers really know what they're doing. God I love this show

Overall this episode was really great! A good one about eating a healthy, balanced meal and such. Great for kids I guess

There was a great fucking song in this one too! I love how Hazel's VA sings, the songs are pretty damn good in this show!

[lesbiangallagher]

ahhhhhh just a little rambling 💛😭😶‍🌫️

one of my old besties from high school messaged me this morning being so absolutely sweet 😭😭😭

he was a pretty quiet kid in school. we had some mutual friends in freshman year but all i remember mostly about him was that he was pretty quiet.

anyways he was in my homeroom. my homeroom was fun lol. we technically called it “advisory” and we would learn about international current events and do some college prep activities. we would be made to read a lot lol so my teacher (who i love and adore now) loved a quiet classroom. i am not a quiet person.

god now all i want to do is talk about homeroom. but main characters are these 2 class clowns who made everyone laugh constantly. we would have advisory after lunch so the good vibes never stopped lol much to my teacher’s chagrin. but yeah, she would make us have quiet time and it was impossible to control with teenagers as amazing as my classmates were lol we had so much fun. i remember advisory so fondly.

that being said, i am a huge chatterbox. i love to talk and ask people questions. i hated being bored bc then i would have to sit and think about the Dark Thoughts in my head so i would deflect and have fun instead. Fun>discomfort am i right

because i kept talking with everyone in the class and being a general disruption, i was moved to sit to the quietest kid in class. lol my teacher was so exasperated and i would always get phone calls home and my mom would always be like wtf are u even talking about constantly?? my manic energy like 👁️👄👁️

back to my wonderful friend though. i thought he was realllllllly shy at first but all of the sudden after a few days of my pestering, he opened up and i found out he was one of THEEEEEE funniest people ppl i met in school. bro HE ended up getting a phone call home for the first time EVER and it was because of me lol so for the next 3 years, we were the classic silly friends who hung out in different circles but would always embrace when passing one another in the hallways as two long lost friends would do 🩷 sometimes he would surprise me at lunch with a snack and i would meet him at his locker after school to walk to the bus stop and shoot the shit. we went to europe together for that exchange program i hated doing and he was a major support for me. i remember our friendship so fondly and now that we are adults, i can appreciate how much that formative friendship meant to me.

i remember him a being so genuinely sweet and kind. one of the only guys i met in school who was cool being friends with me 😭 we have so many inside jokes that still make me crack up to this day if i think about it. yall i graduated in 2014 and here i am talking about HIGH SCHOOL fondly. bro i couldn’t wait to graduate lol so funny how things work in hindsight and now i have strengthened the critical thinking skills hahah not to mention the TIME to ponder.

we lost touch after graduation bc he joined a band and worked a lot and i worked a lot and made college my priority. we have always kept up with each other like on social media but we haven’t had a good conversation in years. so i think we are attempting this now. we are reconnecting. i found this extremely cute pic we took at our senior prom and i sent it to him and now we are sharing pics of our lives, past and present. and im just. :)

i always feel so guilty for how i lost touch with so many important people. like first, how do i describe my mental illness to people?? i figured out how to do it with myself and mick like 2 years ago. it’s STILL HARD but they understand. i can put up boundaries at work with nebulous language about how stress is bad for me. it’s STILL HARD but they understand. but how do i look my personal friends in the eye and say hey im sorry i promise i wasn’t trying to be selfish but i had to take care of myself and my unstable ass for years and i was so tired from working so much and i didn’t know how to depend on people so i think i accidentally ended up pushing away those friendships that pulled me through my first bouts of depression as a teenager but im an adult now and i understand that my actions have consequences and although not an excuse to have seemingly poofed myself out of your life without much warning or explanations i still hope you’d allow me to continue supporting you and i would love nothing more than to hear about you and your life and everything you have been up to because you continue to be the wonderful person i always remember you were

sighs i guess i have to just do exactly that. i don’t expect a friendship in return i just want it to be known how much love there is in my heart and how important people are to me. but it would be nice to have those friends back as an active fixture in my life.

i won’t let myself ruin this one. i refuse. i will work hard and continue to actually LIVE LIFE and let people in. it’s so scary oh my god but i have to! i want to. so i will.

if you made it to reading my ramblings this far, thank you. i’m figuring it out. it’s hard but im figuring it out. i promise. i’m a major work in progress but i am working it out.

[sugamamacustard]

Rut

Pairing: Alpha! Tetsuro Kuroo x Omega! Reader, Alpha! Atsumu Miya x Omega! Reader, Alpha! Kiyoomi Sakusa x Omega! Reader

Genre: NSFW

Request: Hi, custard💕 your writing is soso wonderful! Can I request headcanons about alpha!Kuroo, alpha!Atsumu, alpha!Sakusa (separately) going into rut with his fem!omega!S/O?

Summary: You and your alpha have been through so much together, but how are the reacting when their rut hits?

Author’s Note: Holy wow guys, going through my requests, there’s a lot of Sakusa ones. So I caved and decided this is a good a place as any to start with him! And thank you so much! 

I’m vibrating bc I just got accepted into Uni and just-

Requests: Open!

WARNING: Smut, Daddy Kink in Atsumu, slight bondage in Sakusa’s. Please give me some daddy kink asks

Tetsuro Kuroo

➵Ah yes, thirst asks. One of my favorites- even if I try keeping up the innocent writer façade. I’m not. My other blog has some filthy smut on it. 

➵ Anyway, moving on. 

➵    Kuroo is a rough lover as is. He teases, he drags you along a long, long road for you orgasm, pounding you into the mattress. and drawing all sorts of pathetic mewls out of you.

➵It’s okay to drool.

➵It’s just his alpha instincts that make him want to mark you from tit to toe. 

➵He, on a normal basis, bites you and claws your hips anyway, but when his rut hits?

➵He’s feral. 

➵ There will be bite marks littered up and down your spine and bruises practically imprinted on your hips. 

➵You better believe you are not leaving your nest until his rut is done. You are stuck. 

➵Though he’s always ears open incase you need to tap out, his alpha always always putting you first.

➵But if you stick through it?

➵He is rough and feral and pounding into your poor abused entrance until your sobbing. 

➵ You most likely have to plan for his rut two weeks in advance 

➵Which is hard between dancing around his pre-rut symptoms and prepping yourself for what is sure to be a week of pure, filthy sex. 

➵Okay let’s side bar into Pre-rut bc I don’t think I went into a lot. 

➵Tetsuro’s Pre-rut isn’t terrible. He mostly just sticks around as often as he can, growling at anyone who steps too close to you, feeding you his lunch, scenting you constantly. 

➵Definitely one of the better ones to have during this time, I tell ya. 

➵But of course, he makes it a little difficult while your trying to discreetly stock up on easy grab snacks and water jugs. 

➵Kenma helps out a lot though, he honestly is probably your best friend is your dating Kuroo.

---

The hand around your throat kept you pinned to the plush bottom of your nest. Your mewls and moans were muffled but at this point you couldn’t hear them, even if you wanted too, through the blood rushing through your ears. Your hips hurt with how hard Tetsuro was gripping them, pulling you in time with his thrusts. 

“Fuck kitten.” His growl had you gushing slick around his cock, making him, in turn, growl lower. His hips were moving at such a rapid pace, you couldn’t see them, even if you wanted to. All you could do was feel his cock drag in and out of your gushing hole, pleasure wringing your stomach like a wet towel. 

“Alpha- Alpha, gonna- gonna cum on your- your- holy FUCK-” You turned your head to bite the pillows beneath you, feeling yourself tighten around Tetsuro. He sunk his teeth into your mating mark, making you gasp as you came with a loud whimper, pushing back onto him as he continued fucking you within an inch of any actual thoughts. 

Just your alpha and how good he was making you feel. 

You felt his hips still as a warm load of cum shot into you, filling you to the brim and making you hum in bliss.  Tetsuro chuckled, unlatching from your neck and lapping at the pearls of blood poking through. He allowed you to catch your breath before pulling you to sit on his thighs, cock still buried deep inside of you-- his knot just barely staying out. 

“Good kitten. Now, let’s see if I can fuck some pups into you.”

Atsumu Miya

➵Alright, let’s set the seeds of how I imagine one of the Miya’s in bed. 

➵Atsumu absolutely adores the earth you walk on. 

➵Even if he had to fight Osamu for you in the beginning. It was all worth it. 

➵He treated you well, worshipping you in bed. There is never a time he hasn’t had you quivering because of his tongue. 

➵He, however, is also such an asshole in the bedroom. 

➵Like yes, he’s pulling you to sit on his face, but yes, he’s also edging you until your sobbing and grinding your self against him. 

➵If your riding him, he’s suddenly holding your hips down and making you cockwarm him while he does some sort of shit on his phone. 

➵If he’s holding you missionary, he can just as quickly can pull you into a mating press, locking your arms between your chest and knees, absolutely pounding into your poor entrance. 

➵ So while Atsumu can be generous and can absolutely worship you, he also can and will be a huge asshole. 

➵His rut doesn’t make it any better. 

➵He just gets worse.  

➵He either makes you sob with pleasure or beg for something. 

➵Like, you thought Atsumu would be the horny, needy, whiny one?

➵You thought wrong. Atsumu knows exactly how to turn his hormones against you, make them work for him

➵Side bar once more: Atsumu’s pre-rut? SUCKS-

➵Sorry not sorry. 

➵This man prolly doesn’t realize his rut is approaching until you pop into the gym, excusing him from practice for the week.

➵He doesn’t care about it before that. Sorry man.

---

“Is your alpha’s cock not enough for you?” His voice was silky as he hissed at you, fingers clawing at your hips, keeping you perched just above his knot. “I thought I was the horny one.” 

You whimpered above him, hands clawing his shoulders as you struggled to hold yourself up. You didn’t want to disappoint daddy, did you?

A harsh smack to your ass had you yelping, throwing your head back as you cried out a mix between a chirp and a moan. 

“Answer Daddy when he’s talking to you.” 

“I’m sorry Daddy- so sorry! I promise to be good. Be good for Daddy. Patient and good. Daddy’s cock fills me so nicely-”  You yelped when another smack stung your ass cheeks, making you shut your mouth. 

Atsumu grumbled into your chest, loosening his grip ever so slightly before pulling you up, quickly slamming you down before repeating the process. He ignored any protest you gave, instead chasing his own release. Slick dripped between your thighs, coating his own thighs as well. 

“Is my prince(ss) making a mess of themselves?” He snickered, keeping his pace as you built up to your orgasm. You nodded wildly, trying to keep up with his brutal pace. 

“Just for daddy!” You yelped, throwing your head onto his shoulder. “Daddy- gonna-gonna cum!” 

You nearly cried when he stopped, feeling him chuckle into your chest.  

“Not yet, sweet cheeks. After all...This week is all about daddy.” 

Kiyoomi Sakusa

➵Sakusa, Sakusa, Sakusa. Where do I begin with you sweet prince. 

➵ You know what, we’ll start with our sidebar. 

➵It’s not you prepping. It’s him. He like- hardcore- nests. Like he’s the alpha, yeah, but there’s so many things he has to prep.

➵Like your nest? All the blankets have to be sanitized and re-scented and the pillows have to be washed and re fluffed-

➵His room (Where you keep one of many nests) has to be cleaned and reorganized and he has to restock your snack stash and purify the water jugs-

➵God he just has so much to do okay-

➵Sex itself is just a lot of work for poor Sakusa.

➵He’s come a long way though. 

➵Only for you though. 

➵I can imagine Omi being super into Toys because less... ya know... 

➵He’ll still fuck you until your knees wobble and knock together, but he’s also into the little bullet vibrators that he can hold onto your nipples or clit (Dependent) 

➵His rut makes these unacceptable. His alpha won’t allow it. 

➵He can pleasure you just fine without the use of toys, 

➵I can also imagine he’d be super into, like, face to face positions so he focus on your beautiful features instead on the mess below you guys. 

---

Your wrists were bound above your head with your knees pressed to your chest. The smell of alcohol was pungent under the stench of sex, making your nose scrunch.  Omi was keeping you pinned, thrusting in slow, calculated thrusts, grinding against you with ever pull. 

You were whimpering with every pull and push of Omi’s cock against your walls, teasing you in the most aggravating, but delicious, way.   

You could see the way he eyes your every reaction, beautiful eyes blown with lust tracing every facial feature of yours. Watching every reaction you gave him. Watching you. 

He grunted when your walls clutched him a little too tightly, slowing his thrusts a little more. “So good to me omega, letting me use you any way I want. “ 

He hissed when the praise seemed to do nothing but clutch him tighter, teetering him even closer to the edge. He wouldn’t give in, pulling out completely, instead replacing his dick with his fingers and teasing your sweet spot (He could practically pinpoint it at this point). 

Slick coated his fingers, making him smirk as you withered against him. Turns out, you were just as close as he was, if not closer.  

“Now, let’s see how good I can be to you.”

[sugako]

sweetness

osamu xf!baker!reader sum: your unrequited crush on the man you sell to is weighing heavily on you until one little party later it isn’t an issue cw: 18+ minors dni, a lil fluff, a lil angst (reader is sad bc they don't think samu feels the same), mentions of drinking/alcohol/party (no one is drunk during), kinda confessions, first time with each other, nipple play, oral (receiving) wc: 3.5k a/n: hi !! uhh i have had this is drafts for months bc i struggled to post it and idk why,, it's def a little longer than usual and little more plot-heavy(ish) but i hope you all enjoy pussy king samu <3

It felt as though you were admiring him from a distance even when he was standing right beside you.

The afternoon that the owner of Onigiri Miya had called up your small bakery to partner with his business you had been overjoyed. Honestly, you were still happy, it was just tinged by something deeper or different now. You were certainly still happy to sell your goods through the business, but your feelings had really gotten the better of you.

The day, actually the moment you met Osamu you told yourself to get over the petty crush you had developed within minutes of meeting him. His big, tall frame made you feel as though he could wrap his arms around you and everything would be okay. His pretty, steely eyes and soft features relaxed you, made you feel at home.

A week later you were groaning into your pillow when he texted a simple, polite compliment about your baked goods. Desperately, you hoped that the fuzzy feeling would melt away any day now.

Every single time you had to see him again and again to drop off your bi-weekly delivery, the feelings didn’t fade. If anything they grew stronger. The quick, comfortable banter you shared made your chest fill with molten gold that always seemed to harden into a tough little peach pit, strangling the words from your throat whenever you got back into your car.

A month later you were crying to yourself at 2 AM about how you couldn’t get over him even though you hadn’t even been close to a relationship. It was impossible. How were you supposed to get closure from someone you were merely business partners with.

You cursed the way your heart sped up when you got a new text from him. Over and over again you had to remind yourself that it was purely business.

Onigiri Miya (Osamu): Hi, do you want to swing by tomorrow? Lunch is on me

Fingers swiped over the keyboard, groaning as you asked what you should bring for the restock, not realizing it had been two weeks already.

Onigiri Miya (Osamu): Everything is selling fast, but I won’t need anything for a bit, just wanted to chat not about business

Without hesitation you agreed. Even if you were sure he didn’t feel the same, it wouldn’t hurt to keep up a personal relationship with a business. The fact that he had texted you deep into the night without prompt didn’t make it into your busy mind.

Those two little texts were how you found yourself taking a deep breath outside the Onigiri Miya a little after the lunch rush. You stepped into the nearly empty building, immediately greeted by Osamu’s soft, low voice.

“I have to run to the back, but I put a plate for you out.” He calls, disappearing just as the door closes behind you.

It’s painful to admit how your heart swells at the gesture. Your favorite onigiri of his is neatly plated in front of a corner seat at the bar. The two other people on the opposite side of the store are quietly chatting, paying no mind while you settle into your seat. Before you can take a bite he’s bustling back in.

“Sorry ‘bout that, got a call.” He says, leaning over the counter in front of you. The way his broad chest is squished by his shoulders.

“No worries.” You say just before biting into the food. He snatches one of the rice balls from your plate, but your mouth is too full and you’re too grateful to protest. “So,” you begin after you swallow, “what did you want to talk about?”

You can’t tell whether the air is thick with awkward tension or if it’s just you.

“I mean, obviously not business.” As you speak, a strangled, little chuckled forces its way out of the back of your throat, but you take another bite of food before it gets out of hand.

He’s silent for a moment, slowly chewing his food. Maybe savoring it or maybe thinking, you can’t quite tell which.

“Can you take nights off from the bakery? I remember you saying ya do a lot of baking and prepping at night.” His expression is impossible to read and you want to tell him that this is, at least for you, business talk, but you hold back and simply answer the question.

“Well, yeah, if I needed to. Uh, why?” You catch how his shoulders tense and lower, his eyes shifting across the windows in the front. Unfortunately, his own anxiety does very little to quell any of your own.

“My brother is having a party and I’m… obligated to go, but I won’t know many people there, they’ll all be his teammates, so I was wondering if you would like to go with me? If you don’t have a… I mean, if you don’t have any plans.” His expression remains still, but there’s a small flush in his cheeks that you catch on immediately. Something in your heart softens with hope.

“You’re twin volleyball brother?” You ask, biting back a smile. “Also, you’ll have to tell me what time the party is and then I’ll let you know if I have plans, but I’m probably free.”

The flush deepens as he recognizes his mistake and slowly blinks, shaking his head. “Yes, ‘Tsumu, the volleyball brother. And the party is next Friday. Around nine.”

Within the limited time you’d spent with him he’d told you about his brother and his old friends. Confidence growing, but not quite steady, you uneasily treaded into your next words.

“Yeah, I’m not working next Friday actually, so that sounds good. Should I text you for the address or…?”

“Meet me here, I can take you. Best to take the train, but it’ll be easier if we go together.”

Deep in the center of the city, standing close enough to smell the soft fragrance of cologne, you still weren’t sure how easily you had ended up here at the house party filled with strangers hosted by your customer’s pro athlete brother. It was a little much to think about if you took too much pause. Before you could slip into your own brain too much your cheek smushed into the thick muscle of Osamu’s solid back that had suddenly stopped moving, and as you sputtered out an apology the door swung open without him even knocking.

“Hey! Did you really not a-” The blonde mirror image of the man standing directly in front of you eats whatever words are about to spill out of his mouth when he notices you peeking out from beside Osamu. Realizing how ridiculously childish you must look tucked away behind him, you clear your throat and step out so you’re by his side instead.

“Hi, I’m y/n.” You say politely, extending a hand for him to shake. Atsumu’s eyes flit between you and his brother, not bothering to hide a smirk.

“Oh, I know.” He finally says when he takes your hand. Out of sheer embarrassment or maybe anxiety, you feel pricks of heat chase out to your fingertips. The sensation is only compounded by Osamu’s feather-light touch that grazes the small of your back as he tries to lead you past his brother.

“Really,” you start, with a sly little smile, “he’s told me about you’re very impressive-”

“Okay.” Osamu says a little too sharply. He’s glad you’re at ease, but less glad that you’ve immediately taken to lightly teasing him with his brother. “Let’s head in.” The warm breath of his whisper jolts through you and you find yourself nodding, letting his touch lead you.

Just as the door is closing behind you and the excruciating reverb of the music seeps into your ears, you barely catch what Atsumu mumbles before he slips into the crowd of people. “Maybe you’ll finally show her how much ya like her.”

Osamu doesn’t respond, and for a second you think maybe he didn’t hear him, but the way his fingers dig into your back tells you otherwise. You simply pretend that you heard nothing, pointing to the drink dispensers lined up on the kitchen counter across the room. After a quick drink of the sweet, burning mystery drink and after Atsumu started to keep his distance - too busy hounding his one teammate with the dark curls whose name you couldn’t quite remember - things went smoothly.

Time passed quickly, helped on by the dozens of new people you were introduced to. The small talk and repetitive questions had you mentally winded, but Osamu’s constant touch whether on your elbow or back or shoulder grounded you. Instead of feeling your heart race as it usually did when he was near, you only felt calm.

It all came crashing down sometime deep into the night when most of the guests had headed home and those left over passed out, scattered everywhere about the house. Well, everywhere aside from the neat guest bedroom tucked away toward the back that Osamu had pulled you back to when the last man (who had drunkenly tried teaching you how to say ‘volleyball’ in Portuguese) had finally passed out.

The single drink you had gulped down hours ago was long gone from your system, but even without it you still found it easy to speak with him, even as his arms inconspicuously wrapped around your torso and brought you down to lie beside him on the bed. Staring up at the ceiling for a moment while the two of you remained in short silence, a thought came to your head, another thing you want to tell him or ask him. You’re not sure which because in the next moment, when you whip your head to face him, he does the same.

If you had been any closer your faces would’ve smashed together. Any farther away and you wouldn’t be brushing lips. Just as soon as the touch begins, it ends with you scrambling away, stopped from falling off the bed by his strong arm wrapping around and pulling you back to his chest. The silence thickens with every second that neither of you speak, but he thankfully breaks it within the minute.

The words fumble around the front of your mouth like your mouth is numb. “I’m so sorry that-!”

“Well, that wasn’t really a proper kiss.” He says plainly, a smile barely etching its way onto the corner of his lips.

“N-no, it was not.” You whisper. It doesn’t quite feel real when he kisses you for real, and for a second you’re worried you’ve deluded yourself. You sigh into his firm touch, finally releasing the tension in your chest and letting your own lightly trembling hands trace up the space between your chests to settle against his. His body is softer than you had thought it would feel, somehow so much more comforting and homey than you could have imagined.

After an endless moment, his mouth strains against yours as he forces himself to pull away with a little huff. Your eyes find his, bright and hopeful, and still a little bit surprised. Between all your personal longing and resignation that he didn’t feel the same, you hadn’t noticed the way he smiled more when you were nearby, the little blush that dusted his cheeks when you complimented his cooking that first time, and so much more.

“Wanted to do that for a long time.” He sighs, leaning his forehead against yours and letting his heavy eyes close. Hiding your grin in his chest, you nod, wrapping your arms around him and snuggling in closer. When your knee glides against his thigh in an attempt to get more comfortable and flush to him, he clears his throat. “We should get changed if we’re going to sleep here. I have extra clothes in the dresser.”

“Okay.” You nod slightly, not wanting to move just yet. He seems to be with you because, despite his own words, he remains exactly in place with his grip just as tight as ever around your waist. “...Samu?” You finally ask, pulling back far enough to look up at him.

“I wanna kiss you again.”

“Okay,” you repeat, “then kiss me again.” The crooked, giddy smile you’re giving him seems to tense him up even more.

He inhales deeply through his nose, eyes darkening as they flicker across the planes of your face. “I wanna, but I don’t want to push this unless you feel the same.”

If your tired heart could vibrate any harder it would probably be bursting out of your chest.

“Well, I feel that we should kiss again,” you press a peck to his cheek hoping it’ll steady your next vulnerable words, “because I’ve thought about you a lot, and I really like this.” You emphasize your words by glancing down at the negative space between your bodies and running your hand up the built expanse of his shoulders.

Humming, he cradles the back of your head, gracefully moving to straddle you and ghost his lips over yours. “In that case, tell me when to stop.” The hot breathy fan of air from his whisper barely hits your cheeks before he’s pressing a deep kiss against your lips.

You slot together like perfect puzzle pieces, limbs finding the just the right spots to fit into. Mouths move desperately, passionately and without thinking your fingers start dancing under the hem of his shirt, brushing against the hot skin beneath. With a tempered groan, he uncouples his lips from yours, kissing along your jaw and quickly moving to trace down your neck. The kitten nips and licks against your collarbone send electricity through your bones, forcing you to flex into him, hips awkwardly jutting forward for something more.

“You… you, ah, are so perfect.” You pant, eyes blinking wide open when the calloused tips of his fingers roughly trail under your shirt, up your sides, stopping just short of your chest to flip your shirt up.

Groaning so quietly you barely hear him, he buries himself between your breasts and sighs against your skin. “Yer even more beautiful up close and without all this,” he pauses for the briefest moment to undo your bra and lift it over your head with the shirt, “extra stuff on.”

Scoffing out a short giggle, you relax back, watching how his eyes drink you in as though they’ve been starved. “By extra stuff you mea-!” The quip is promptly cut off by the feeling of his mouth latching around one breast, the other being tended to by his opposite hand. Not a moment later he pulls away, smiling as you let out a pitchy whine.

“Yer pretty mouthy when yer comfortable, huh?” He mumbles, lips ghosting over your nipple while the one in his hand continues to be teased.

“N-no,” you rush to disagree. Judging by the eye roll he gives you, he doesn’t seem to believe you, but he doesn’t say anything more, simply bringing his attention back to your chest.

The way his suckles tiny, bright purple marks into your skin sends heat pooling into your stomach, hips noticeably grinding up against him now. As the seconds drag on, he doesn’t seem interested in anything other than your tits, enamored with the way they feel in his hand and mouth. It’s almost too much, and you feel your stomach tightening with every moment the teasing continues.

“Samu,” you whine softly, “samu, please, can’t s’too much, really need…” The words are jumbled and garbled. You can’t quite sort your brain to come up with anything coherent, distracted by the wet pooling in your underwear and the weight of his body crowding over yours.

“Sensitive tits?” He coos with a sharp glint in his eyes, gears obviously moving in his head for the future. “That’s okay,” he continues while pressing a soft kiss to each of your breasts, “What do you really need?”

“Need you to touch me.”

For a second, his mouth opens but he doesn’t speak. You fear he’s going to tease you, make you explain in lewd detail how bad you need him and where you want him to touch you, but he doesn’t. He simply nods, truthfully too caught up in the intoxicating feeling of your body and too impatient to feel you for the first time to drag this out.

“Good girl, I’m gonna take these off.” He starts, hooking his fingers under the waistband of your pants and underwear to take them off together. Without hesitation, his eyes travel between your legs. “Such a pretty, little cunt.” He hums already squeezing in between your thighs. Obviously distracted, he peppers little kissed up the sensitive skin on the inside of your thighs, still caught up staring at your soaking mess.

“Samu, please…” You whine. While you know he isn’t purposefully teasing, well you don’t know but you don’t think at least, it’s just as frustrating. Your knees lock around his thick shoulders, pulling him closer to your heat.

“Okay, okay, pretty girl.” He grumbles, lapping right at the crook of your thigh and hip. There’s a split second of tense silence wherein he carefully spread your lips admiring the glisten of your slick under the dim light of the lamp. Your entire body is tense with anticipation, legs shaking as they struggled to spread around his wide frame.

And just like that quiet moment is over - he laps you up so desperately and greedily you’re twitching under his grasp, clawing at the wrinkled bed sheets below you for anything to ground you. He doesn’t stop when he shifts your legs over his shoulders and wraps his hands around the bottom of your tummy to keep your jostling hips in place.

When you finally look back down to grab his hand, keeping a vice grip around his fingers, you also glance down for the first time. His dark, hazy eyes meet yours and you completely relax at last.

The feeling doesn’t last long, not when he pushes his tongue into your tight, unprepared hole, slurping all he can get and pushing in as far as he can go. Osamu’s eyes roll to the back of his head at the sensation, your cum dribbling down his chin and coating up to his nose that keeps brushing against your throbbing clit.

With a solid, squelching pop he tears away from you. “Taste so good,” he heaves, lips coming back even as he’s speaking, ghosting over you. He buries himself in your cunt again, this time focusing solely on your clit, cycling through different motions until he finds the one that makes your hips strain under his sturdy hold.

“Feel so good!” You sigh. “Please, please wanna cum.”

Smirking against you, he takes the hand you’re not clinging to back under your thigh and props it against your ass, slowly teasing a finger in. Absolutely gushing now, it slips in easily. You can feel his smile grow again for a moment before he refocuses on your clit, motions speeding up and increasing the pressure with which he worked. It’s impossible to not shudder under him now, especially with one arm only holding you down.

“C’mon, pretty girl, cum.” He murmurs, easily hooking a second finger into you, pumping and curling them in time with his tongue. As he feels you flutter and cream he can’t help but rut into the mattress, cock swelling from the taste of you. The pressure inside is too much and your want to let go is pushing you closer and closer, although it’s his mouth and fingers that really push you forward.

“C-cu-!” The words get trapped in your throat, overtaken by a hushed moan you struggle to bite back, trying - but very much failing - to be mindful of all the half-sleeping people strewn through the house. He slowly brings you down, fingers winding down and tongue lapping up your swollen clit while you convulse at his touch in time with the fluttering of your cunt.

At last, you have to drag him off, needily tugging up on his hands until he lets go. You try to pull him in to kiss, but he hesitates, his strength far outweighing your weak, blissful one and he hovers above you. There’s no reason to ask because almost immediately his fingers that were inside of you, absolutely drenched, come up to his mouth so he can make a show of sucking them dry for you.

“Taste even better than the stuff you make.” He sighs, letting you drag him down to your face. You can smell and taste yourself so strongly on his damp lips, it clouds your already hazy senses.

“Hmm,” you manage out, when he rests his entire body weight against yours, lips pressed into the side of your head. It’s only when you go to shift that you feel him pressing so incredibly hard and flush to you exposed skin through his soft pants, that you perk up. “Samu,” you begin brushing your fingers through his soft, dark hair, “can I...wanna help you.”

“Mhmm,” he nestles against your neck, kissing over the spots he left behind earlier, “in a minute, pretty girl, we have a lot of time ahead of us.”

[poetrusicperry]

Running Towards Nothing

Chapter One

a/n: hello !! @noelliza and i fleshed out an idea about if todd came from out of state (specifically, somewhere in the southern united states) to attend welton, so i wrote it heh. i’m not sure how many parts this will be (if people like it enough for me to continue posting lol), but i have the first like... five written haha. so yes, todd is from the south (alabama) and i don’t know much about the south bc i'm from the west coast, but i tried haha. hope you guys like it !! xx

chapter summary: something in todd’s past is the reason for his family’s move, leading to a new neighborhood, a new school, a roommate he was never expecting, and an overall shift in his life.

pairing: todd anderson x neil perry

warnings: none (i don’t think there are any in this chapter, but if anyone spots something, let me know !)

word count: 2479

–

        If there was one thing Todd missed about home, it was the sky; the sun set differently over the rolling hills of Vermont than the grassy fields of Alabama. He was used to seeing all of the elongated, blue canvas sky that melted into bright shades of pink and orange along the horizon; there was nothing in the way of the creation, just a plain view of where the heavens met the earth. In the northeast, however, the sunset snagged on the seemingly-black pointed edges of trees and lush branches, interrupting the gradient leaving only soft blue and speckles of marigold.

        But he had experienced his last Alabama sunset two days ago, and there was no going back. Not for a really, really long time (if ever). After the events of the past few months, there was no way Todd could ever show his face again, even if he really wanted to. Now, Todd Anderson and his family were living in the suburbs of Vermont, where, as his parents hoped, the past would stay hidden and they could build a new façade for the one Todd had recently, though unintentionally, demolished.

        As Todd sat on the floor of his new, empty room, surrounded only by boxes and his bed (which didn’t have a box spring or frame yet), he gazed out of his window forlornly. Through the toothbrush-tipped trees that were jam packed along his new horizon, he could make out the silhouette of a church’s steeple. One that, no doubt, would be frequented by his mother and father while his brother, Jeffrey, was out of state at college, and Todd himself attended the prep school just a few blocks down the road. Out of all the cities in Vermont, Todd’s parents had picked the one with the lowest population and tourist pull, which meant not a lot of people inhabiting the city. However, on the flipside, there wasn’t a wide variety of schools to choose from. Back in Alabama, Todd had attended his local public high school, Nixon, and would have been an incoming senior there if certain... events hadn’t occurred. Instead, Todd was now forced to continue his education at what was deemed “the best all boys prep school in the United States” by his parents and surrounding boarding schools (no pressure).

        Todd’s mind wandered through the recent weeks, pulling apart everything that had happened like rotten cotton candy. This was his life now: a new state, a new town, a new school, brand new everything. And yet, Todd felt stuck between wanting to start over and aching to hold onto his old life. If those five seconds could have gone differently, he’d be preparing for his first day of senior year with all his friends at Nixon. But his friends would never speak to him again, and he’d never walk the halls of Nixon High School ever again. Todd wondered what he could possibly be holding onto? There was nothing in a place he considered home and nothing in a new place that would likely never be home. So much of his past, he wanted to leave behind, but he just… knew that he couldn’t.

        As he reached into the open box beside him, there was a knock on the door. When Todd didn’t answer, the door cracked open, revealing the familiar face of his older brother.

        “Hey, I was going to go on a drive around town, maybe see some of the cool hangout spots if you wanted to come. I know I’m leaving for school in a couple weeks, but might as well check out some places anyway?”

        Jeff always had a way of talking to Todd gently, never with any hints of condescension in his tone. After all, Jeff was the only person in the house who ever acknowledged Todd’s existence. And after everything that had happened, Todd was certain he was no closer to gaining support from his parents than a couple months prior; in fact, he’d been quite sure he was further from garnering any cent of respect, let alone support.

        “Oh, uh… right now?” Todd spoke, barely above a whisper. He knew he didn’t need to feel embarrassed or nervous around Jeff, but that’s just how things were for him now. Anything he said or did felt… wrong, and he didn’t know how to fix it.

        “Yeah, I think Mom and Dad went to pick up some dinner, so I was just thinking that we could head out for a few minutes. Maybe get a little familiar with town and stuff,” Jeff smiled at Todd, his perfectly straight teeth somehow still gleaming in the darkening light of Todd’s room, “Come on, I know you probably don’t feel up to it, but it’d be better than sitting in here while it progressively gets darker,” Jeff attempted to joke, laughing slightly.

        Todd gave him a half smile, half grimace, “Alright. Think I need a jacket?”

        “Want to drive with the top down, so probably,” Jeff smiled, smacking the doorway and turning down the hallway, “Leaving in five!” he called down the hall as he went.

        While they rode leisurely around town, Todd kept his head mostly turned to the side, leaning his cheek on his arm and taking in all the things they drove past. Lots of houses on moderate pieces of land lined the streets; they were nothing like the spacious farms and open pastures of Alabama. Up until recently, Todd had always considered the south home. But truth be told, he wasn’t sure what home was anymore.

        “Oh, sweet, Todd, look! There’s an arcade!” Jeff patted Todd’s shoulder with the back of his hand as he cruised down the street. The big neon lights were hanging over a brick building spelling “GAMES & POOL.” It looked like the marquees Todd had seen of New York City in the magazines. He just nodded at his brother’s sentiment as they pulled up to the red light. Glancing up at the bright sign once more, his gaze was torn away when the door to the arcade opened, revealing five lanky boys spilling out onto the sidewalk.

        “I told you I was going to beat the high score and you punks didn’t believe me!” one with sandy hair said, walking backwards and facing his friends. His face was twisted into a mischievous grin and his voice ricocheted across the street as the boys seemed to be making their way to the movie theatre a few doors down.

        “Charlie, no one cares that you beat the high score,” the tallest one replied; Todd noticed he had a flattop haircut, which is something no one in Alabama would have ever had; Todd thought it looked neat. The flattop’s sentiment earned a chuckle from all the boys, but a particularly loud laugh from a tall, dark-haired boy standing toward the front of the group. He wore beige slacks and a tucked in red flannel with black and white hi-top Chuck Taylor’s. And Todd noticed his dimples were deep into his cheeks while he laughed. As the boys walked down the sidewalk to the theatre ticket vestibule, the light turned green and Jeff began to drive. As the car passed the group, the dark-haired boy looked up and locked eyes with Todd.

        “Neil, still five for Gidget?” the ginger one with glasses said. The dark-haired boy (who Todd could now assume was Neil) held Todd’s gaze for a couple more seconds before tearing his eyes away and nodding at his friend. Todd’s cheeks were ablaze as Jeff drove further away. Trying to not move his head, Todd simply looked back at the boys in the side mirror until they were simply blobbed figures standing under the light of the theatre.

        When Todd and Jeff arrived home, their parents’ car was in the driveway, and the light in the kitchen was on.

        “Hope you’re hungry,” Jeff turned to Todd as he switched the engine off. He just looked at Jeff blankly; his appetite had still not returned, so he didn’t feel hungry much anymore, “I know I am,” Jeff smiled, ruffling Todd’s hair and easing the tension between them. He nodded a little bit and opened the door, Jeff doing the same. As Jeff made his way up the steps, Todd trailed behind him, not wanting to be the first person his parents saw.

        “Jeffy, is that you?” his mother’s voice called from the kitchen.

        “Yeah, Mom, we just went to check out the neighborhood a bit,” Jeff called, slowing his pace, falling into step with Todd and slinging his arm around his little brother’s shoulder.

        “Dinner’s on the table, dear,” she replied as the boys walked into the dining room.

        “Smells good, Ma,” Jeff smiled, taking his seat at the table after patting Todd’s shoulder. Todd sat down tentatively and stared at the spread in front of him. His parents had gotten KFC for the second night in a row, and Todd was about as excited as he was the first time (that being not at all).

        “I know we had it last night, but it really just reminds me of the food back home,” his mother said, pulling her napkin into her lap.

        “You boys eat up, now,” his father said, gesturing to the bucket of chicken and sides in front of the pair. Jeff grabbed his food, and took extra care to offer Todd all of the things he picked up for himself. While their parents busied themselves in a conversation about the pie their neighbors had dropped off, Jeff nudged Todd lightly,

        “Look, I know you’re not hungry, but have a biscuit at least, okay?” he muttered and held one out to his younger brother. Todd took it hesitantly, put it in the middle of his plate, and stared at it, “Come on, Todd. Please,” Jeff mumbled again.

        “What’s that, Jeffrey?” his father turned to him.

        “Oh, nothing, Pop, just telling Todd to have some dinner,” Jeff smiled small. Todd’s father looked at him with disgust.

        “Eat,” he grunted. At the timbre of his father’s voice, Todd flinched slightly and picked off a part of the biscuit to nibble on while the conversation turned to Jeff’s plans for the fall semester. Fading into the background (as usual), Todd tuned out the conversation and focused really hard on his white Chuck Taylor’s, getting a flash of the tall, dark-haired boy’s face in his mind. Neil. Shaking his head slightly, Todd adjusted his gaze to the plate in front of him and waited for another painful dinner to end.

        When the summer had wound down and the weeks in Vermont had become more familiar, Todd’s parents had busied themselves with getting Jeff ready for dorm move-in and paying little, if any, attention to Todd. Currently, Todd was up in his room, preparing for convocation the next day. Jeffrey had left the past Thursday, driving up on his own. He had told Todd to not take everything so seriously and to do the best he could (because he knew that Todd was capable of a lot of things). He also mentioned that he was just a call away if Todd ever needed anything (he wrote his telephone number onto a scrap of paper). Todd had searched the arcade and the theatre a couple times in the hopes of running into the group of boys he had seen on their second night in town, but to no avail.

        Sitting in front of the mirror, Todd analyzed himself. His hair had grown out kind of long, and his mother hadn’t taken him to get it cut, so he’d have to deal with that, but everything else looked normal. Things certainly didn’t feel normal, but he was used to the discomfort by now. The only thing he was truly worried about was his stupid accent. He’d spent the last few weeks hanging around diners and spots with Jeff, and hadn’t heard a single southern accent. He knew his drawl would just make him appear stupid to all these super educated kids, so he’d put a lot of effort into controlling it. He was actually doing okay at it, he just needed to make sure he didn’t slip up. Todd didn’t need any aspect of his personality or appearance to be called attention to. He got up from the floor and crawled into bed, dreading what the next day and year would bring.

        Convocation turtled by, two hours of sitting in a church pew and listening to some headmaster spout of statistics that Todd didn’t care about. As far as he was concerned, he wanted to finish his senior year and get the hell out of here; Todd had always wanted to go to California, but his parents told him it was a pipe dream (“After the stunt you pulled in Alabama, we won’t be funding your college anywhere!” his father had yelled).

        “Ah, Mr. Anderson, is it?” the headmaster questioned when it was Todd’s turn to be introduced after the ceremony.

        “U-uh, yes sir,” he mumbled.

        “Well, we don’t normally take public school transfers, but you will fit in well here. Any major problems you let me know,” he shook Todd’s hand rather harshly.

        “Thank you, sir,” he nodded and moved along.

        Feeling his chest start to tighten, Todd made his way out onto the grass where he sat down against a tree and waited for his parents. After an uncomfortable and awkward goodbye with them, he roamed the grounds a little bit, practicing his newly-fashioned accent quietly to himself. As he rounded a corner to the courtyard, he bumped shoulders with a boy, and turned to apologize, dead-set on making his southern accent unknown (or as unknown as it could be).

        “Ope- sorry about that,” the boy laughed nervously. When Todd looked up at him, it was the boy from outside the arcade all those weeks ago. Shit.

        “S-sorry,” Todd mumbled. The boy nodded a little bit.

        “It’s all good. I’m Neil Perry,” he smiled, holding out his hand, seemingly unaware or forgetting of the fact that they’d seen each other before.

        “Todd Anderson,” he manipulated his tongue to sit flatter in his mouth, so as not to let slip his Alabaman background. He had trouble looking into Neil’s eyes, but when he got a good look, he realized they were dark, dark brown and incredibly deep.

        “Oh, that’s you? I think that makes us roommates,” Neil said, patting Todd on the shoulder. Oh no, Todd thought, his cheeks flushing. Stop it, he thought to himself and cleared his throat.

        “Oh… cool,” Todd nodded a little bit and pursed his lips.

        “I gotta get going. See you soon!” he patted Todd’s shoulder again and took off in the direction he had been going when Todd bumped into him.

        Yep, Todd sighed. This is going to be a long year.

tagging some people (especially those of you who said i should post this heh): @queertoddanderson @babytoddanderson @cupiiid @justarandompjofan @charliedaltonofficial @pretentious-strikes @aedan-mills 

and a big thank you to @noelliza as always bc she’s the best and reads all my stuff before i even think about putting it anywhere on the internet lol <3

[the-ghost-king]

time for me to share a good™️ headcanon: will and nico love to steal each other’s clothes but their massive size difference makes it so obvious that they’re doing it. nico’s shirts are almost croptops on will and will’s sweaters are practically a dress on nico bc will is like 6’2 and nico’s like 5’5

Anon! Anon! Yes, you. You get it.

I don’t really know what you wanted as a response to this but I felt inspired for the first time in some 10 months so I gifted you a one shot below the “read more”. I’ll also upload it to Ao3 with a link in the notes...

Anyhow Anon, I hope you enjoy it! I got a little off topic but reflective fluff is always good!

If you would have asked Will what he wanted out of life as a kid you probably would have gotten an answer that was something like “a chance to actually go and live life as it was meant to be” or maybe “to be happy, pretty, and stupid”. 

He didn’t dare to hope for more, demigods didn’t live long lives, and being involved in a major battle at thirteen didn’t do wonders in regards to establishing confidence in your survival. As for the “pretty and stupid” part of his answer, it wasn’t that Will had ever hated being smart, he just hated the disconnect different intelligence levels caused in peer groups and society; being smart was hard, sure for school purposes it was nice, but that intelligence means you’re constantly thinking and so often so much of the world seems so dull and petty. Will had been lucky enough to be blessed with decent looks, moving through the world was made easy in at least that regard, but he wished he could live without thinking so much because so often he could only see so much awful in the world. 

Thirteen year old Will wouldn’t have dared hope for anything more, he wouldn’t have dared hope for anything else more than a decade or so of normal life beyond camp and a chance at an easy life for those few years. When fourteen year old Will got a depression diagnosis he wouldn’t say he was surprised, he would have been annoyed but he hadn’t really felt much of anything in years. (”Atypical depression” The doctor had said, “likely clinical”)  A few different types of anti-depressants and a few months of therapy things started feeling okay, better at least. Fifteen came and went, he tried to go off the pills and didn’t quite get there, but his dose got lowered which Will supposed was nice. 

In the months of early 16, Nico di Angelo stumbles into his life; exhausted and melting under the pressure of the universe, he makes friends with death. It isn’t much, but Will remembers him from when they were kids back before any major fights. He remembers hearing about Nico running off and he felt bad for not having made a continued effort to get to know him. He felt bad when he left after the Battle of Manhattan too, they’d prepped bodies for their departure together and Will had gotten hung up in the infirmary (he had been one of the last Apollo campers and he was the only one with medical training). In some ways, Will supposed he was making up for those lost years when he didn’t have time to befriend Nico as he would have liked, it made him feel like he was at least trying.

In the beginning things were undeniably rocky, Nico was constantly hooked to machines just so Will could guarantee he wouldn’t die overnight. Even on Nico’s first night in the infirmary he had struggles with sleep, the bed wasn’t comfortable enough and after trying a large variety of options Will had hauled Nico and all of his equipment out to the porch on the back of the infirmary and they slept there for those three days (which turned into two weeks), wrapped up in jackets and in a pile of blankets beneath camp’s fall skies.

Within a few months, they fell in love. 

Okay listen, people can call Will ridiculous all they want- but love at first sight is real and he experienced it. He didn’t know it but the day he met Nico and looked into the dark browns of his eyes, he thought something about how his eyes looked like ash from the fireplace at Mama’s house, or how they looked like the soil that his windowsill plants grew from. If you would have asked Will what he thought of Nico the very first time they’d met, he would have told you something about how his eyes were “big, dark, and round like a baby cow”. What Will really meant is that Nico reminded him of the family ranch house he grew up in, he meant he looked like home. 

At the time Will just hadn’t known that was what love felt like, but when he figured it out one day teaching Nico how to play Hold ‘em on the back porch of the infirmary with a light breeze and setting sun as they settles down for bed; he knew one thing, he didn’t want anything more than to make Nico happy and he hoped that he could be a part of that more than anything.

It took a little longer for Nico to come around, he had his own demons to battle. Internalized homophobia, even in small doses, is a real downer to say the least, let alone when you’re fighting demons you’ve manifested for some 15 years. The biggest struggle however, was probably in all honesty the fact that Nico was so goddamned oblivious. After spending years alone with limited human contact at best, and having spent so many years desperately wanting Percy to notice him, and being met with negative reactions, Nico didn’t know what love looked like anymore. How had he been supposed to know he was in love with Will?

There was a lot of subtle back and forth, would the other even be interested in a guy? It ended one day with an unplanned kiss followed by a declaration. Will called it the best mistake he ever made, neither of them really thought it was a mistake.

It was days like today that only proved that.

Will had woken up to Nico’s face on a pillow next to him. He’d fallen asleep with his hair pulled back in a ponytail, and some of his smaller hairs had fallen loose in the night and now framed his peaceful face. The first rays of golden sunlight fell through accidentally left open curtains, and Will reached out to brush a stray piece of dark hair and place it behind Nico’s ear. 

He woke up to a morning more beautiful than he would have ever hoped for at 13, and he would always be glad for that. He would always be grateful for how far he had come in not quite a decade. At just twenty-two he was 4 years into medical school, and three years married to Nico and he truly believed he was one of the happiest men in the world simply because he made Nico happy.

In time, Nico too would wake up. 

First with a huff, and then a grumbling noise of annoyance as he rubbed his face with his arm as though trying to block out light before half-asleep Nico seemed to accept his fate and wake up fully. 

“Good morning”

“How long have you been up?”

“Awhile”

Nico made a knowledgeable humming sound, perhaps he was just acknowledging Will’s response or perhaps he was saying ‘of course’. 

A few kisses, a short conversation, and a couple of “I love you”’s later, they got out of bed.

Nico's was wearing Will's high school hoodie that was a bit too short on Will anymore like it was a dress on him. The hoodie went down to Nico’s knees, he's got his own black shorts on because Will's just fall off unless he ties them really really tight. He's got black socks pulled up almost to his knees, there’s a little gap between the end of Nico’s shorts and the start of his socks. The hoodie goes down an inch or two past his short pockets, and he goes outside to grab the mail with a pair of unlaced combat boots on his feet. He's got his skull ring on his middle finger of his right hand, and his left hand holds a simple wedding band which glint in the light as he opens the front door. His hair is pulled up into a messy ponytail, some of it is up some of it is down, there's tons of flyaway hairs which frame his face since he hasn’t fixed it sense getting out of bed.

Call it a cliché, but Nico looks like Heaven personified without even trying. 

Sure, everyone looks nice in a suit or a dress, but how many people can roll out of bed without doing their hair wearing a decade old hoodie and look like they belong in a magazine spread?

Will is wearing one of Nico's looser shirts, on Nico it comes down past his hips and a little onto his thighs, on Will is he so much as lifts his arms a centimeter it reveals his hip bones. He doesn’t really mind, he kind of likes it to be entirely honest. Will can remember being just a few inches shorter than he is now and fitting fairly comfortably in Nico’s clothes at the time, they had never worried whose clothes they grabbed back then. Nico had finished his growth spirt and Will had thought he was done only two inches taller, it didn’t matter whose clothes were whose because everything fit well enough.

That wasn't quite the case now, Nico had stayed at his casual 5"5 while Will had shot up and extra six inches to 6"2 and ruined his own chances of sharing clothes. Such as right now he was sure he was wearing his own sweats, because he had specifically had to get a pair last night despite Nico's having been more accessible. Anytime he's actually managed to get a pair of Nico's pants comfortably on in the last few years, result in him wearing pants that are more like compression shorts or capris than pants.

Will was just happy he could wear some of Nico's larger shirts and hoodies still, the fact that Nico preferred to sleep in lots of clothes and typically baggy clothes meant Will had some options when it came to wearing his husbands stuff.

Will has also managed to steal a pair of Nico's socks, they're a taller pair on Nico (he buys winter wear so often because he's cold always) but on Will they gather a little awkwardly around his ankle. Will doesn't usually wear socks but they had gone to bed without the heat on and apparently the cold had set in over night and you could definitely feel it on their apartment floors.

The clothes would be a bit stretched out from him, it was something Will can remember being worried about after his second growth spurt, but Nico doesn't mind, He's assured Will of this time and time again, he says something about "aesthetic" and "alternative". Will doesn't really know, he's never cared much for fashion but he'll take Nico's word on it. 

The truth, although it's something Nico would only admit in their bed late at night when it was so dark you could barely see his face, and arguably a little drunk as well, was that he actually enjoyed the way the clothes fit better after Will wore them. He found some sort of comfort in the way the shoulders of his shirts would be just a little too wide on him, it was one of those small acts of love, it wasn't one Will entirely understood but both of them got their own sort of enjoyment out of Will stretching out Nico's sleeping clothes some so they went with it.

Will turns his attention from Nico walking out the door to the coffee pot on the countertop.

Will doesn't like coffee much, he likes the social aspect of getting a cup more. Nico had introduced him to it, he’d been drinking it for years by the time they’d left camp. It reminded him of home and he grew to like it for such reasons, and although Nico would consume just about anything with enough caffeine in it Will needed creamer to enjoy coffee to any amount. 

They were both honestly probably more tea people, but they never seemed to remember to buy any. Will will try to remember to write it down on the grocery list later, but Nico has walked back into the kitchen, climbed up on the counter next to Will and now he is looking at him; and Nico is always a distraction that's worthy of taking, Will will definitely forget to write down tea for their grocery list and the week will start over with more coffee in the house and no tea.

Nico’s fingers grip the countertop and he swings his legs a little bit back and forth from where he sits on the black granite, his white gold rings set against the counter in contrast. Will's worn out blue hoodie looks grey with age, the little printed letters are cracked and peeling on the back of it, his last name can still be read in white though. 

Will knows the cliché about your lover wearing your name is often unhealthy and overly possessive, but he likes seeing Nico with his name because it feels like a gift. It’s like he’s given Nico a part of himself and Nico accepted it with pride, and Will loves that, he loves him and Nico being little pieces of each other.

Nico is smiling at him, and leans just so, Will turns in acknowledgment of the gesture, and moves so he’s standing to the left of Nico. Nico crosses his legs at the ankle and leans towards Will laying his head against Will where his neck and shoulder meet. Will leans forward and buries his face into Nico’s hair, comfortable and a little sleepy still.

"Coffee?"

"Mhmm."

"Good."

Will isn't the best cook, for fucks sake he's not even someone who could be considered a good cook, but he can handle this. Nico taught him the basics when they were still living at camp, Will failed every time, he ended up going home for a short period for Christmas break and begging his mom "teach me how to make eggs" he left off the bit about impressing Nico but he knows she knew. When he came back Nico had just smiled at him, "you practiced huh?"

Will hadn't gotten better at making much else, some eggs, toast, coffee and he could boil water now too! He had burnt lots of stuff over the years, plastic containers in the microwave, a plastic ladle they had on the stove top, at least 100 failed attempts at grilled cheese. Will was honestly just happy he hadn’t blown up any microwaves since he was a kid... 

Nico had come home to many of Will's failed attempts at making him various things, sometimes the food was underdone other times it was bits of inedible char. Will did try, he really did, but the heat was always too high or he would end up distracted, or he would use sugar on accident instead of salt. Will did actually try, but his best attempts still often left something to be desired, so he often was the one doing dishes.

Most notably one time Nico had come home to him attempting to pan-frying some fish.

It had been supposed to be a surprise, it was Nico's birthday, and Will had had the day off of class even though Nico hadn't. He figured he would have surprised him; it had been back in their first apartment, not quite as nice as this one. A cheap tiled cream counter top that Nico had literally cringed at when seeing it the first time, the cabinets had somehow been cheaper than a set from IKEA and it had become an inside joke to them.

He had walked in the apartment to see smoke coming off the pan with a bit of flame still coming off it, and a large piece of charred fish stuck to the bottom of one of their frying pans.

"Hey dumbass, what did you do in here?" 

People thought they were an odd couple, Will could see that. The whole parallel people drew between light and dark and optimism and pessimism and such between them, none of those people were really correct though. Will and Nico were more similar than they were different. At the end of the day it didn’t really matter what people said, Will liked Nico, he loved him in all honesty- he'd never heard the word "dumbass" said with so much affection.

Nico was hard for most people to read, years along had left him struggling emotionally in some manner; he did his best to hide most of his emotions, cloak them so heavily that sometimes they were even unrecognizable to Nico himself. 

The most obvious example of this in regards to Nico was how "shut up" often meant "I love you", "idiot" was synonymous with "darling" in some ways. Don't get Will wrong, Nico could be very affectionate, but pet names came with hesitation for him in the early days; Should he use Venetian, Italian, or English? Masculine words that were romantic had been hard for him to say as well... But everyday he grew and got better, and Will was proud of him every time he called Will “dear” and didn’t hesitate before or after. 

Nico had started masking his emotions at some point during his time at Westover, whatever he had done there hadn’t been much more than how much the average person masked their feelings, but when he started training with Minos Nico had doubled down on keeping his emotions secretive. Minos hadn’t been kind or safe in any sense of the word, emotions were what he used to manipulate Nico all that time, it was no wonder Nico developed such a strong sense of apathy towards anything overtime. 

Nico could be affectionate, he could be the most loving person to ever exist. Nico’s emotions were sort of like secrets, if you stayed awake late enough into the night you would only come to know him then, such was the nature of him. He often whispered so quietly his wants and needs into the dark, there was some sense of fear tied to Nico’s vulnerability and he handed off his worries each night to the stars soft glow. Nico often refused to talk openly during the day, but at night apologies and truth always came, he had known what he had wanted earlier he had simply been to afraid of the rejection to acknowledge it, Will is glad that with the years the worst of such things is over; it is unlikely to be something Nico will ever fully grow out of, such is the nature of humanity, but progress is a virtue.

Such times not only resulted in Nico’s acknowledgement of his wants and faults, but also garnered the most affection from Nico. Nico couldn’t always communicate in an effective manner verbally, which was still a process they were working on, but he did his best. Nico’s act of love was like that of a small bird, he gave you small things that seemed insignificant until you realized he had only ever told you such things. Will fell in love with him for it, it wasn’t just about the way he would describe the wallpaper in his childhood bedroom, it was the fact that nobody knew anything else about Nico’s childhood bedroom. 

Will had never truly understood the concept of “touch starved” until he met Nico, he had known the definition sure, but he had never truly witnessed it. Nico never asked for touch, but it was the way he leaned into it, the way he sought it out; pressing up against Will’s hand like a cat stretching trying to get a little more contact somehow, trying to make the touch last just a bit longer so he could savor it properly. It was literally starving in some manner, starving for contact that wasn’t a goodbye or a hit, just for wordless contact. When he grew comfortable he gave affection fully, there was a joy in holding Nico’s hand, knowing that he felt safe enough not to worry about the effect a few extra seconds of prepping for a fight that holding hands would add.

Nico didn’t show affection in big ways, and that was more than okay with Will; they were laid back in comparison to most, he’d have sought the comfort of placing soap bubbles on each others head in the tub a hundred times over a night on the town. Nico’s affection was something quiet and almost secretive, unknown to anyone it wasn’t directed at; it was the way he would lead Will out of a room to kiss him, or the quiet way he whispered “I love you” into Will’s ear when in public.  

Will supposes in the early days “shut up” became “I love you” in order to avoid being seen as weak in some manner, in order to avoid acknowledging what he really wanted to say and having Will not respond in kind. Will didn't mind, they weren't an overly affectionate pairing- banter was common, almost everything they did was turned into some sort of game, the term "boys will be boys" definitely applied to their relationship of 3am pillow fights, late night discussions about what order the Christmas ornaments had to go up on the tree in, and whenever they wrote thesis papers for living room debates over the best Disney villain.

Will honestly preferred it that way, he preferred having the little moments reserved for solely them. He preferred the aversion to sappy clichés, the way a lover could say your name with exasperation and a smile that meant the whole world. He had seen what some other couples had, quick kisses in lines at cafes, holding hands across the table, and calling each other pet names they’d made up that were somehow ten times worse than the original- and Will didn’t want that. 

It wasn’t that what those couples had wasn’t love, it just wasn’t love in a way Will could understand, it wasn’t love Will felt from those sort of exchanges. He didn’t understand the idea of “butterflies in your stomach”, love wasn’t nerves, love was like coming home after a long day, love was the way someone could say your name like it was divine, love was the way someone would smirk at you when you were missing the point, love was not being afraid to cry in front of them,  it was knowing you could show up to them with any problem and instead of leaving you they would research the ins and outs of it in all their entirety. 

The coffee maker makes a sound, Nico lifts his head of off Will’s body and the deep browns of his eyes are like the freshly turned dirt of fields in planting season, and Will feels like there’s a garden growing in his chest that Nico feeds. Nico sits straight on the counter and pulls his legs up and sits cross legged on the counter as he pulls out his hairband, and runs his fingers through his hair before pulling it back up without all the flyaways. 

Will moves towards the coffee machine, pours it into two cups, and sets one on the counter beside Nico before making his way to the fridge to grab creamer. Nico’s watching him right now, but there’s no need for talking; there will be talking in a minute. Talking about Will’s schedule for the week, talk of whatever project Nico is working on right now, talk of what they should do for dinner the rest of the week, little sweet nothings, and eventually they’ll make their way to the couch to watch some tv and maybe later in the day they’ll play some sort of game or something as well.

So yeah, maybe "light" and "dark" were polar opposites and some people would have walked out on the word dumbass rather than immediately loving it, but Will liked it- everyday was a game of sorts, a new adventure, all with Nico who he loved. Coming home from work wasn’t necessarily about the place Will lived but knowing Nico would be there for him to see was the point  of going home, home was wherever Nico was and some small part of Will hoped eternity was real in some manner.

Will remembered when Michael had died thinking nothing could possibly get worse, and in some ways he was kind of right; he had ended up with some sort of demigod style fairy tale ending with the man he loved, and that was ten times better than anything fifteen year old Will would have hoped for.

[lizacstuff]

Merhaba friends - SCK episode 35 asks

(Fragman 36 ask at the end)

Apologies to those of you who sent asks for last week’s episode and I didn’t answer them. The week got away from me and then suddenly it was show day, the episode aired, and the asks were no longer relevant. Even if I didn’t answer I appreciate you reaching out!

Anonymous said: I’m dying to know what you thought.

While my ego would like to think that there are a variety of subjects that people might seek out my thoughts on, I’m going to guess you want to know what I thought of episode 35. 

I had a mixed reaction. I liked a lot of things, loved a lot of things, there were some things I found disappointing, and a few characters I wanted to strangle. So let’s explore from that perspective. 

Liked:

Romcom feel was back. It felt lighter and was easier to watch than a lot of eps in this arc.

Aydan, Ayfer and Seyfi working together to unite the kids. They were actually funny and trying to do the right thing, even if their methods were a bit morally gray. 

Serkan and Eda’s photo on outdoor advertising and on the cover of magazines. We’ll ignore how quick the turnaround was to get those photos up, it was just plain fun to watch Serkan see himself on his drive into work and be embarrassed and aggravated by the whole thing, while there was also a little spark of excitement from him in being linked to Eda like that. That was enjoyable.

Melo is always the best bestie and Ayfer didn’t suck as an aunt!

LOVED:

Most every individual Edser scene. 

Serkan out-of-his head with worry, planning to jump into the frigid sea, even though he wouldn’t have any shot of saving her that way. That’s my ride-or-die, protective romantic robot! 

Serkan making faces as Eda plans her wedding. Excellent work from Kerem here. 

Eda buttoning up Serkan’s shirt. That was hot. It was also hot that he just let her. 

Sekan buttoning up Eda’s dress (get a room kids and start going the other way... unbuttoning, UNBUTTON) This scene was emotional and the sexual tension! 

Serkan clutching his chest. The poor boy was about to have a panic attack right there. Follow through, writers, give him the full fledged panic attack!  

The hair caught in the button (There’s that button again!) sequence. it was funny and sexy and made Selin into a foolish, immature third wheel. I’m all for it. 

Serkan apologizing to Eda for Selin, that was big because up til now he hasn’t really recognized how awful Selin is in most situations. He has blinders when it comes to her, mostly because he doesn’t pay attention, so it was satisfying to see him acknowledge her bad behavior.

EVERY MOMENT AT THE BOLAT HOUSE. That was a great sequence, and IMO we mostly have Hande and Kerem to thank for it and not the writers. They brought it to life and obviously a lot of it was on them to just figure out what to do in the scene.  I loved that Serkan saw Eda amongst the flowers in that painting. Swoon!  their conversation about how they were both hungry was hilarious. Every moment with them fixing the sandwiches was gold and then it just got better from there. With him being willing to share food, to the throwback “mesala” conversation to her listening to his heart. All so... so... good. 

However, while we definitely deserved those nice, long, funny, heartwarming scenes, I must say the writers didn’t use them to their fullest potential. How did the night end? How did they part? Why was no progress made after spending the night that way?  If the writers were even half decent at their job they would have had Serkan confess some feelings while high, but not remember in the morning thus giving us the parallel with episode 11 when he was sick. Eda would have felt defeated when he didn’t remember, again, and it would have made more sense why she thought the fake wedding was her last shot at getting through to him. 

Characters I’m mad at:

Ceren knows the whole episode that Deniz loves Eda, she knows he’s being weird about it, she makes up with Eda, and stills says nothing? WTF?

Engin makes it to the wedding, he knows Serkan has his memories back and he doesn’t stop the wedding to let Eda know before she says yes? WTF?

Ferit allegedly has the photos and he thinks the wedding is real, but he doesn’t show Eda the photos so she has a better idea of what she’s getting into? WTF?      (though through that whole Ferit/Selin scene I wondered if Ferit was just playing along with Selin, trying to get info out of her and he’s not really the one who has the photos. Time will tell. )

Selin/Deniz- Obvious, psychos, I need them freaking gone. How Deniz can claim to love Eda, but sit there and watch her look devastated and cry her eyes out at the thought of fake marrying him, while knowing he’s about to pull a disgusting trick is unfathomable. He needs to be committed.

Disappointing:

To be clear, I no longer care, but I can’t believe how badly they flubbed this storyline. That? That was the payoff for the hell we’ve been put through for 7 weeks? Wow talk about not worth it and anti-climactic. I’m not going to go on about all the ways they failed, but I could. 

While I fully believe that Serkan fell back in love with Eda before he got his memories back (see this post) he should have confessed to Eda before he got them back. That was the whole point of this entire storyline and they carried that the entire time, but then fumbled the ball at the 1 yard line. Good grief, these writers are bad. 

Serkan gets his memories back, he knows time is of the essence, and he still is torn and has to think about it? WHAT? Just no. Ridiculous. I realize they did it for maximum suspense, but they shouldn’t have. They really shouldn’t have.

That was their reunion after all we’ve been through? Come on, writers, step it up. I realize we no longer have the writers that gave us his love declaration in 11 or Eda’s and Serkan’s proposals, or their make up scene in 28 or their goodbye scene in 28, but this was lackluster. 

So, in summation, there was a lot that I really enjoyed, I thought the episode flowed better than some of the others in this arc, and lots of great individual Edser moments, it’s just the way they flubbed the whole storyline. I’m just so glad the amnesia is over, that thankfully I don't really care.

Anonymous said: when pushed by engin and aydan multiple times in the episode he never denies he ISN'T in love with her and rather skirts around the issue and deflects with "she's marrying deniz!" which should be proof enough he fell in love with her especially considering in 29 he was telling eda that "there was no such thing as love" between them. it was almost reminiscent of eda in 10/11 where she doesn't tell him her feelings bc she believes he wants selin, this time in reverse bc he believes she's moved on.

This came in response to this ask, and yes I agree. I should have hit that point harder, that Engin and Aydan ask him and he never denies it. When this arc started he would have denied it in a flat second. 

He fell in love with her again, full stop. It’s just a shame that they didn’t make it the entire crux of his love confession, we deserved to see that. Just one of the many ways the writers dropped the ball with this storyline. 

Anonymous said: The whiplash we got going from 26-28 to the drag of 29-35 though. 🤦🏼‍♀️ and you really could cut out that entire storyline and you wouldn’t be missing anything because really nothing happened. They didn’t even have Serkan stopping Eda before he got his memories back to fulfill a basic assumed foreshadowing. Like....huh?

I don’t want to be negative, but it’s crazy to me that they sped through wedding prep at a lightning pace and then went through this painful amnesia storyline at a snail’s pace. They should have had at least 5 episodes of wedding prep, doing just one pre-wedding activity per episode, but kept Babaanne around to create the drama. I wanted at least one episode of them back together, but keeping it secret so they could work against her. We were robbed of that!

Anonymous said: I know we’ve been hating a lot on the new writers but the showrunner still has to sign off on these scenes right? And it’s been the same one this whole time. What has she been thinking? Maybe the writers didn’t do their homework but surely she can tell that scenes being very out of character wouldn’t make sense?

Bold of you to assume there’s a showrunner as we know them on a Hollywood show. I assume you’re talking about Asena, but I always think of her more of a cross between an EP and a network exec. A bit more removed than a showrunner.  I have no idea who the guiding light of this show is since Ayse left. The production timelines are so tight, I don’t think there’s time to review scripts and reject them. Sometime I think it’s a wonder anything makes sense at all. 

Anonymous said: I see you've giffed some of the edser "questionable positions" bookshelf scene. (Awesome gifs btw). Honestly, that entire scene was really funny, with the rest of the art life crew jumping in. Even Selin made me laugh when she came in there and said "how did her hair get stuck?!" and Serkan very sarcastically replied with something like "I wound it up in there, what do you think??" Not to mention all the very close face talking that was going on!

Great scene! Here’s the gif set you’re referring to.  I suppose the writers proved they could do fun, and romantically comedic scenes if they want to. More like this, please. 

Anonymous said:

With these past 5 (?) episodes with these last set of writers, I truly believe that they did not go back to watch SCK at all before writing. Any past references were probably given to them on a checklist or something. Like I don't know if they even watched episode 28 with how they ended up doing away with the memory loss. Its kind of astounding how much they dropped the ball. Hopefully the rumors of new writers are true and they get enough episodes to give us a good ending to this story!

This came in right after the episode, but unfortunately, we learned today that we are apparently not getting new writers, at least not for episode 36.I was fully convinced we were since Sefkat (the production company twitter admin) liked Yasin’s post when he said we’d be getting all new writers for 36. Normally I don’t believe anything Yasin says because he has lied so many times that any info he actually has just comes across as a clock being right twice a day.  However, when she liked it, I found that convincing.  Also the way they cancelled shooting on Saturday and H/K were in for a meeting on Friday. Seemed like it was all adding up. We’ll see, maybe there will be new ones for 37??

As for not watching what came before, it certainly feels like they only skimmed and watched certain scenes and didn’t do a deep dive on the series. Watching all the eps in full should be a requirement before they start the job. I always feel they are  just off with Serkan’s characterization, they don’t quite get him and they turn him a bit into a cardboard cutout of early Serkan. It’s like the character sketch outline of Serkan, but with no depth. 

Anonymous said: When I saw the character description of the new cast member added to the show I was like "great, another possible screen space filler in regards to Aydan" but after watching the episode, I was actually really intrigued by his character. I know there's a bunch of theories out there that Serkan is actually his son, which I don't really buy into right now, but nevertheless he was a real potential to be a father figure in Serkan's life... and maybe the only guest character to not be a villain lol.

I’ll tell you this, that casting makes it seem like they at least want us to think he’s Serkan’s father.  He’s way better looking that Alptekin and he just looks like he could genetically be responsible for the magnificence that is Serkan. 

We’ll see what they do. I think it could be interesting, just because until Serkan met Eda he was so invested in being “Serkan Bolat” that having his identity shaken like this would be seismic for him. It could create some really good drama for him in all his relationships without tearing apart Edser. Also, if Alptekin knew it would go along way in explaining that relationship. Alptekin always demanding perfection and the cold way he sent him away to boarding school. It would explain why he could never earn his father’s love or approval, and that knowledge might give him some peace. 

In addition, and a big plus, it would mean that his biological father was NOT responsible for the deaths of Eda’s parents. 

Anonymous said: 1/ everyone for weeks was waxing poetic and had super detailed headcannons of how serkan would remember in really specific ways when he realized he was in love, something that ayfer kinda poked fun of at the beginning of the ep talking about the fake wedding, but i was genuinely laughing out loud at serkan and engin accidently getting into a fight and him yelling throughout it that he remembers and engin pushing him in front going "can you give him one good hit?!" lmaoo

2/ getting a good hit to the end to unscramble your brain that is already giving you flashbacks is more actually more realistic than the usual fairytale way.. sure, less romantic, but definitely more realistic. the man was already in love with her, super confused on what to do since he genuinely thought she was marrying deniz, and was already having flashes, all he really needed was good hit in the head lol. maybe eda should've kept going when they were boxing 😂

I like your take on it.

Anonymous said: i think they saw the fandom complaining week after week that there was too much heaviness/drama in their romcom and said "so you guys want romcom? here i'll give you full on romcom" which is what i thought this episode was! and i really appreciated such a fun ep overall to watch to bring this otherwise really sad and emotion heavy memory loss plot to an end.

Yes, the episode was a lot more fun than most that had come before it. If only they could have tied it all together. 

Anonymous said: Something that just occurred to me that's so crazy in addition to wrapping an episode days before it airs, is that in Turkish television, a series has like 1 permanent director and a small writing team that writes ALL of the episodes. In US TV, that's pretty much unheard of - different writers rotate owning each episode and the same director will shoot maybe 2-3 episodes at most a season. The production turnaround time is so short that it's insane that we don't hear of more last-minute delays

I know, I think about this all the time. It’s crazy to me that there’s only one director. Which is why there’s not a lot of added layers to this show.  When a director just has one episode on their plate and they spend a couple of weeks prepping to direct, every shot, every angle, every bit of set dressing can be meaningful. This show doesn’t have that kind of visual depth.  On the other hand you do get a director that knows the actors and crew inside and out and they all have a short hand which allows them to get to what they want faster and easier. That can’t be replicated with directors who come in for one episode. 

Anonymous said: Over the past month or so, I’ve been seeing so many people cancel Serkan and wanting Eda to leave him forever and move away, but she really never gave up on him and she might finally get him back this week 😭 in fact, Eda and Melo are the only people we’ve seen who have tried to help get his memories back! Everyone who has been friendly to Selin can disinvite themselves to the Edser wedding

I’m glad I didn’t see a bunch of this nonsense myself.  But, honestly, anyone who wants Eda to leave and not end up with Serkan... why are they watching this show to begin with? Did they take a wrong turn somewhere? How did they last this long watching it? We’re 35 episode in and this entire show is their love story, beyond that story and it being a vehicle to showcase Hande and Kerem’s awesome chemistry, it really doesn’t offer many other reasons to watch. 

And yes to jettisoning anyone who was friendly with Selin. PIRIL I’M LOOKING AT YOU. I sure hope Piril finds out exactly how low Selin will sink. She needs to feel ashamed for welcoming her back without question. 

Anonymous said: That fragman for ep 36...part of me wants to hope that it will all be solved pretty soon, since we got edser separated for so long we deserved them together now. But part of me also knows these writers suck so I’m expecting the worst. I just wanted edser together again 😭

I know. When I saw the full fragman my initial reaction was to yell “WHY CAN’T WE HAVE NICE THINGS!!!!!!!”  But I’ve calmed down now. 

It seems to me that we have Serkan and Eda together and working together to figure this mess out, which is good. we have romantic walks on the pier, and Eda spending the night at his place and a sweet breakfast setting with Eda in jammies. All good.  

But then we also have Selin and Deniz refusing to quit.  Selin comes up with the plan that if Deniz doesn’t sign the papers in time, then they will have to get a divorce which means Eda can’t marry for 300 days. So then, what? Deniz steals Serkan’s car and goes on the run? 

What they hope to accomplish with this, I don’t know. Because even if they succeed and Serkan and Eda can’t get married right away, it’s not like they’ll just magically decide that they want to be with those two psychos instead.  I can see Selin doing it just for revenge so she can make them miserable, but what’s Deniz’ motivation? The further psycho he goes, the worse Eda will think of him. Bizarre. 

As for the pregnancy thing. It sounds like Eda must hear that from someone. My money is on Deniz. That’s his Hail Mary to try and drive a wedge between Serkan and Eda. Because seemingly when Eda brings it up, Selin asks where did you hear that. Also, phew, Eda says right away that if its true that Sekan deserves to know, which hopefully will clear things up (because the writers showed us over and over and over again that they weren’t sleeping in the same bed) and it will show Serkan just what kind of crazy he’s dealing with. 

Anonymous said: I was pretty excited after watching the fragman, but surprised when I went on twitter and saw that almost everyone was really upset by it. I’m sure most people know Selin isn’t actually pregnant, but they all still somehow hate the storyline (possibly bc they think it’ll drive edser apart?) idk am I crazy for thinking that we’ll still get good edser moments and them staying together and fighting together? I guess the show needs drama to continue but I’m not mad because I think good edser will outweigh bad/miscommunication edser.

I’m sure we’ll get good Edser moments, but I can’t really fault anyone for being extremely annoyed by this fragman. I think this little plot point will end up not being a big deal at all, however, I can see how it feels like a kick in the face after what we’ve been through the last 7 episodes. It’s like can we get one happy episode? Just one?

Also it’s just very uncomfortable. I’m in the camp that currently thinks it’s impossible for her to be pregnant because they haven’t slept together. He was too fragile and injured before they came back to Istanbul (sleeping on the couch with his PTSD) and after he was too confused and consumed by Eda and just uninterested in Selin. I have to believe they kept showing us them not spending the night in the same place for a reason. 

However, if they were to have had sex, it’s very unsettling because it’s a little too close to him not being able to give consent. It’s Rape by Deception. He had a brain injury, amnesia, was suffering a myriad of traumas and was not in his right mind. He did not have the full set of facts on where their relationship stood, but she did (she knew he wanted nothing to do with her and told her he never loved her and didn’t even want to be friends) and instead of being honest she abused him. She lied to him. She didn’t tell him the truth about what had happened. She isolated him from anyone who could tell him the truth and manipulated him into thinking that she was the only person in the world he could trust and the person he loved and trusted most was untrustworthy and an enemy. 

However, as the audience we know the things she’d done in the past to abuse his trust, and we know for certain if he remembered, he would never consent to sleep with her. Never. So even beyond the cheating and the romance it would rob us of if they did have sex, it’s ICKY and GROSS and none of us want to even think of it.  I don’t expect TV writers in Turkey to be on the forefront of thought when it comes to issues of consent, so I’d rather this door just not be opened at all. 

But here we are, they opened it. Now all we can do it hope that it is a device to hear Serkan say that it isn’t impossible and for Selin to be fully exposed as completely unbalanced and a lying, manipulator.

Anonymous said: the fandom by use of sheer will forced this selin plot line into existence LOL. i swear since the beginning of the memory plot in 29, the "selin will lie to eda she's pregnant" rumor has been constantly making rounds, and i guess it's time to cash in. i will say that i've seen ppl thinking know that somehow serkan and her were intimate even though she's clearly lying.. guys, if there was even a POSSIBILITY she would've used this way back before now and would have told everyone, including serkan.

I agree with this. If this was a card she could play with Serkan, she’d play it. She’s been getting more and more desperate. And in the fragman there she is coming up with ways for Deniz to run away so he can’t sign the papers. If there was something she could hold over Serkan, she would, She’s not because then the con would be up, we’ll just have to wait and see how big of a lie she’s willing to tell. 

Anonymous said: I wonder if Selin was a spy when she was younger! That woman is always watching everything from her car! Even in the new trailer.

Ha! Let’s hope that in the end she’s not a very good spy and they finally get one over on her. Oh please oh please oh please let the stable boy be the one who has the photos and let him have more on her. I want there to be tons of photos of her in her car spying on them. That would be so humiliating for her. 

Seriously, though, who knows what happened to Selin to make her the way she is. Frankly, I don’t think my assessment of her has really changed (most of my old posts on her are tagged with “anti Selin”) She’s just a spoiled, selfish, entitled brat who thinks she should get anything and everything she wants. If she wants Serkan, she should have him, doesn’t matter what he wants or who she hurts, she’ll do whatever she has to do to make that happen. She was probably never told no as a child. So when she’s thwarted she thinks she’s entitled to whatever reaction she wants to have, if that’s ruining other people’s lives, so be it.  No one can be happy if she’s not. 

[asian-hero]

Packing Bags and Emptying Emotions

yo, this is a part 2 to this, so if you haven’t read part one yet, go and read that first

also i made a title bc i wanted to

As soon as you stomped into the entrance of your house, you knew that you messed up. You truly hadn’t meant to yell at Shiro like that, and you certainly didn’t mean to storm out like that, stating that you would leave him because he was busy with his job. Of course, you had a right to be angry, the love of your life hadn’t paid any mind to you for the past few months, even when he could take a break. You understood that he was busy, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t at least make an effort to try and talk to you. 

Looking at your shared bedroom, you wondered if leaving was actually the right thing to do. Granted, he probably wouldn’t bother with coming home tonight, if at all anymore, but you thought that, on the off chance he’d come back, the last thing he’d want to see was you. So, with a heavy heart, you went to your spare room to grab your suitcase and headed back to your bedroom, picking your clothes out of the dresser that you and Shiro shared. You remembered picking it out with him, running around the furniture store like little kids. Neither of you had any idea of what you were looking for, all you knew was that you had an empty house and needed to fill it.

“Shiro, we can’t buy that. It’s so ugly!”

“Hey, it’s not ugly, it’s unique.”

You looked at him with a flat look, trying to suppress your smile. “That’s how I describe you to my parents.”

He snorted, a toothy grin appearing onto his face. “Now we have to buy it.”

In your first weeks of dating Shiro, you’d be worried about making a joke like that, scared that you’d make him feel self-conscious about his scars and hair. However, two years into your relationship, you learned that Shiro didn’t mind the jokes, in fact, he said it made him feel that those around him were comfortable.

Staring at the dresser again, you realized that you’d grown somewhat attached to it. Even though you still thought it was hideous, you couldn’t imagine your house without it. You shook your head, trying your hardest not to think about it. After all, you wouldn’t be living with it much longer. 

Quickly, you pulled the rest of your clothes out, sloppily folding them so they’d fit into your suitcase. You walked into the bathroom and grabbed your necessities and threw them into your bag as well. Among these things you also took some pictures of yourself and your family, and some valuables that you had bought. Once you finished, you zipped your bag shut, rolling it alongside you as you moved to the front door. You turned towards your house again, giving it one last look before you took a deep breath, placing your hand on the door knob. 

Before you could even turn the knob the door swung open, almost hitting you square in the face. Once it was opened it revealed a rather disheveled Shiro, who looked concerned.

“Oh my God, are you okay? Did I hit you?” He asked, holding your head in his hands, looking to see if there were any marks.

You shook your head, still too stunned to speak. After a few more seconds of checking to see if you were physically okay, he removed his hands, breathing out a sigh of relief. This was short lived, however, as he noticed your suitcase right next to you. You could see him tense up, trying to make sense of the situation.

“You’re leaving?”

The desperation in his voice almost broke you. You were so close to just telling him that you were sorry, that you weren’t actually going to leave. But something stopped you, perhaps it was your pride, or the fact that you still felt like you were in the right. So instead of running back to him, you nodded your head, clearing your throat to speak.

“I have too, Shiro. I can’t keep doing this.”

He shook his head, his eyes wild and desperate. “No, no, please don’t say that. We can fix this,”

“‘We?’ For the past three months there was no ‘we,’” You rubbed your temples, feeling agitated, “I can’t keep holding our relationship together. It was supposed to be a two person thing.”

You could feel the tears welling up in your eyes, but this time you couldn’t be bothered to look away, to hide them. Instead, you continued your rant. “How can you expect me to wait for you everyday, getting my hopes up and then having them crushed not even a second later when you call saying that you won’t be home until later? I understand that your job’s important to you and you have duties to fill, but for God’s sake Shiro I can’t keep fighting for your attention.”

He tried to hold you but you pushed your way out, grabbing your suitcase. You spared him one last glance, tears streaming down your face. “I love you, Takashi, but I can’t keep this up anymore.”

With that, you walked out of your shared home, not sure of where you’d be going next. You’ve heard from movies and books that leaving someone who wasn’t good for you would feel liberating, like a weight had been lifted off of your chest. It was a spiritual moment for the main character to be on their own again. If that was how it was supposed to feel, then why did it feel like your heart was ripped out of your chest? 

Why did you feel empty?

———

As soon as you slammed the door shut, Shiro felt something inside of him break. He couldn’t quite place the feeling, but if he were to guess, it’d be a midpoint of sadness, anger, and emptiness. Looking around the house, he noticed how it didn’t feel like home anymore. You seemed to have taken that away when you left. He also noticed that you took all of the photos of yourself from the house, leaving him with nothing of you. Wandering towards the bedroom, he sat down on his side of the bed. His hands slowly trailed across the sheets, landing onto your side. 

At this point, Shiro had been late coming home so many times that he lost track. Quietly, he opened the door and closed it, shrugging off his uniform jacket and hanging it on the coatrack. He walked over to the kitchen, opening the fridge. When he noticed the Tupperware that he’d left for you was gone, a small smile appeared on his face. If he couldn’t be there for you physically, then at least he could make sure that you were eating well. 

Grabbing a couple of items he began to prep your breakfast for the next morning. He tried to stay as silent as possible, making sure that he wouldn’t wake you, especially since he knew that you were assigned a new class this morning, and you looked stressed when he passed by the training deck. 

After a couple more minutes, he finally finished, putting the Tupperware into the fridge. He quickly made his way to the bedroom and stripped down to his boxers. Gently, he got into bed beside you, wrapping his arm around your middle, bringing you closer. He smiled when you snuggled into him, almost trapping him in your grip. Pressing a kiss to your forehead, he closed his eyes and slowly drifted asleep.

Something dripping onto Shiro’s hand snapped him out of his memory. Wiping his face, he realized that he’d been crying. There were very few times when Shiro would cry, and even then it was only a few tears. However, this time, the tears just wouldn’t stop coming until he was full on sobbing. He moved to grab one of your pillows and hugged it close to his chest, breathing in your scent. 

For what seemed like ages Shiro sobbed into the pillow, with an occasional cry being ripped from his chest. The tears felt like they were never ending, and he supposed that this was payback for the amount of tears that you must’ve cried every night. He honestly felt like he could cry for an eternity and there would still be tears left to spare. Although his plan for the rest of the night was to weep until dawn struck, his phone buzzed on the nightstand where he’d left it. 

At first he ignored it, not wanting to be bothered. But after the third buzz he grew annoyed and yanked his phone off of the stand, glaring at the screen.

[Hunk]

Hunk, 8:39pm: Why is (y/n) at my door crying?

Hunk, 8:40pm: Wait why are they saying that you two broke up??

Hunk, 8:43pm: Hello???

After reading these messages Shiro quickly responded to Hunk, saying that he’d be over there in a couple of minutes. Quickly, Shiro hopped off of the bed, rushing to grab his keys and to run out of the door. He then jumped into his car and started the ignition, peeling out of his driveway and speeding over to Hunk’s apartment.

Shiro had gotten there way too quickly for his own safety, but at this point, he didn’t care. As he ran up the steps to Hunk’s apartment he was rehearsing what he would say to you, how he would beg for your forgiveness. As he finally reached the door he began to pound on it. He didn’t stop until Hunk pulled the door open, a sheepish look on his face.

“Look, I know that you’re trying to talk to (y/n), but I really don’t want to get kicked out of here because you’re knocking too loud.”

Shiro mumbled out an apology before pushing past Hunk to find you seated on his couch, your face splotchy from crying too much. Once you noticed his presence you quickly shielded your face away from him.

“Go away.”

He didn’t listen. Instead, he sat down next to you on the couch, gently prying your hands away from your face.

“Please, just listen to me.”

While the two of you were wrapped up in your issues, Hunk had quietly slipped away and locked himself in his bedroom, not wanting to intrude on this important moment. You glared at the man sitting in front of you, pulling your hands away from his.

“Listen to you about what? What is there left to talk about?”

Shiro sighed, willing himself not to cry, although he knew he looked like a complete mess. Taking a deep breath, he went into the speech he prepared.

“I know that I haven’t been the best boyfriend, and to be quite honest, I took you for granted,” he noticed the flash of anger on your face but he continued on, “I took for granted that you would be there for me. I knew you would be there when I came home so I didn’t think to change anything. Honestly, if I were you I wouldn’t want to be with me either.”

You saw the look of sadness on Shiro’s face, and although you wanted to move to comfort him, you stood your ground. You wanted to hear what he had to say.

“Despite all of this, I’m begging you, please don’t leave me,” he couldn’t contain his tears anymore, as they were currently dripping onto Hunk’s couch, “I’ll do anything to get you back. Do you want me to quit my job? I’ll go in and resign first thing tomorrow. Want me to stop associating with the paladins? I’ll drop them in a heartbeat. Please, please, just tell me what to do.”

You felt the tears begin to flood your eyes again. Instead of wiping them, you chose to let them fall. Moving closer you wrapped Shiro into your arms, holding him close to your chest. 

“I don’t want you to quit your job, or to stop hanging out with the paladins. I know how much you love your work, and how much you care for your friends,” You sniffled, praying that your voice won’t give out, “All I’m asking for is just a little bit of your time. It doesn’t even need to be that much, I just need to know that you care about me just as much as I care about you.”

You felt Shiro nod his head. He moved his head up to face you, a small smile gracing his features. “I can do that.”

You two sat like that for a while, with you combing his hair back. After a few more moments of bliss, you patted his head, signifying that you were getting up. When he looked at you with a confused gaze, you smiled.

“C’mon, we shouldn’t bug Hunk anymore. Let’s go home.”

He smiled back at you, this time showing his teeth. Getting up, he offered you a hand, which you gladly took. As you two were leaving he took your suitcase from you, rushing down to his car to put it in the trunk. Once you two were situated, he began to drive back to your house, his hand never leaving yours.

Yes, you had other issues that needed to be talked about, but for at least tonight, you two were okay, and you knew that both of you were going to be just fine.

[leondraisaitlsglove]

Transcript: Peter and Leon Draisaitl in a double interview ahead of the NHL Global Series Challenge

[This is a little rough, yo. Obviously not an exact translation but I tried to stay as true to the original wording as possible while getting the general meaning across properly. The result is a bit stilted. Rick Goldmann (interviewer) speaks a dialect that obviously doesn’t translate here and Peter mumbles a bit in places so I had to take some liberties there. The general tone of the interview is jokey and casual, Leon and his dad are bantering, but there’s heartfelt and serious bits too! I also chose to keep ‘Papa’ (dad) and ‘Mama’ (mom) in their original German bc I think it’s cute, lol. But anyway, YEET! Let me know what you think. Theres two lil McDrai moments in there if you squint.]

I LOVE YOU ANON THANK YOU FOR MAKING MY MCFREAKING DAY IM GONNA READ IT NOW AND THEN SOUND OFF IN THE TAGS WHEN IM DONE. THANK YOU. YOUR HARD WORK IS VERY APPERICATED.

This is the interview for anyone wondering

Rick Goldmann: Welcome, Peter and Leon Draisaitl, to what I’m going to call a ‘family interview‘ here on Sport1 [channel name]. I’m guessing this kind of interview, a double interview, has been done more frequently recently now that you [Peter] are the coach in Cologne [of the Kölner Haie ‘Cologne Sharks’, Colognes Hockey team in the DHL, the German pro Hockey league] and you [Leon] are here [in Cologne]. How often has this happened so far?

Peter: Not really that often. We’ve maybe done it one or two times, three maximum. It hasn’t been that many times.

Leon: Yes [agreeing noises]

RG: So you’re not getting tired of it?

L: Not yet, no. I think we still have quite a bit of that ahead of us in the following days, especially before the game.

P: Yes.

RG: Let’s just start at the beginning. You could say that you two spent the summer here in Cologne together. What did that look like?

Peter: Leon spent two bigger chunks of time in Prague, where he prepared with his trainer. We took a vacation together for three weeks, in Spain. When we were in Cologne, he [Leon] trained here with us [the Kölner Haie] to get ready, both ‘dry’ [gym etc.] training and going out on the ice with us. [Starts grinning] But by now he’s hanging out with the boys more rather than spending time at home with us.

PG: So when you’re in Cologne, Leon, you stay with your Papa?

L: Yes, with my parents.

RG: Who’s responsible for cooking? Not you.

L: Not me, no. [Huffs] Certainly not me. Mama, mostly, when we eat at home.

RG: Okay. But you went on vacation together. You did that together this summer. It’s been a brutally hot summer. I heard you actually don’t enjoy water that much. Is that true? If yes, how did you even survive?

L: Where did you hear that?

RG: Maybe I didn’t come prepared.

L: No, it’s true, I’m not much of a … I mean I do like cooling off, but if I do it’s more likely to be in a pool rather than the big open sea where you never know what’s swimming around underneath you.

RG: So you respect the ocean?

L: Yeah, for sure.

P: I could prove that with a picture or two.

RG: Where did that come from? Has that been the case since he was little?

P: Hmm. Yeah, actually, he was still wearing those little red … what’s the word?

L: Water wings.

P: …water wings or whatever they’re called, and he already didn’t trust the water back then. And he has kept that up to this day.

RG: [Jokingly] Did you not inflate them properly?

P: [Laughs] That’s certainly possible.

RG: I’ve heard something else along with you not liking the water – that in juniors, you actually didn’t play hockey for a year. [Leon nods] How did that happen and what did you think of that, Peter?

L: Yeah I mean my parents were actually pretty… they essentially supported me in whatever… from the beginning it was clear that if I didn’t like Hockey, it wouldn’t be a big problem. I essentially tried out every sport; I’ve played golf, I’ve played tennis… I experimented a lot, and there was a time when Hockey for me was – I think it was actually because we were moving house, moving house a lot annoyed me about Hockey so I stopped playing for a year and played soccer, but it turned out that wasn’t for me [chuckles].

P: [Chuckling]

RG: [to Peter] What did you think? He’s not a soccer player? Or did you not care?

P: Let’s be serious for a while: If he had stuck with soccer, that would’ve been fine for us. We realized, or learned, or understood early on that there’s no sense in pressuring your children into it. Just because I was stomping around somewhere sometime [aka playing hockey], that doesn’t mean he absolutely has to do the same thing. If he had told me; ‘Papa, golf, tennis suits me more’ that would have been…

Leon: Fencing.

P: …been fine for our family. Fencing, sure. With your motor skills… I don’t think so. [Leon grins] It would’ve been okay. I don’t remember, was it even a full year?

L: I don’t know either. Not sure if it was a whole year.

P: He dipped his toes into it, at Fortuna was it?

L: [Offended] That’s Fortuna Düsseldorf. It was Victoria Köln.

P: Or Victoria. No idea.

L: Victoria Köln, yes.

P: But I think that stopped after a few weeks or so.

L: Because they wouldn’t let me take the free kick once, yeah.

RG: That made you not want to do it anymore?

L: Yeah, I lost my motivation after that.

[All laugh]

P: He came back to Hockey after that.

RG: If there’s a list of things you guys don’t want to hear anymore: How far up there is ‘The German Gretzky?’

L: You mean as a nickname?

RG: Yeah, that people call you that.

L: Ehhh, Actually… I try to distance myself from that a little bit, nicknames and all that. Stuff like that tends to come from the media anyway, and if they enjoy writing stuff like that, whatever, go ahead.

RG: Of course it comes from the media, but you still notice it. As a former player I’d say how do you come up with bullshit like that, but they need their headlines. When you heard it the first time, what did you think about it, Peter?

P: As I’m sure you can imagine I wasn’t exactly thrilled with it, because it puts unnecessary pressure on the young guys. Like everyone in this sport knows, there has only ever been one and there will only ever be one [Wayne Gretzky], and that comparison with the name alone already isn’t fair. And in the end it doesn’t even make any sense. But it’s actually pretty cool that Leon is able to – and has always been able to – absorb stuff like that and then put it aside. He doesn’t dwell on it when he generates headlines like that, generates ‘hype’ like that, as it’s already happened in the past, with the junior draft and the NHL draft, interviews and so forth. So far he’s always handled it pretty professionally.

RG: You’ve brought up an interesting aspect: the mental aspect in professional sports. Especially now with how Hockey has developed, maybe in comparison with other players in the DHL, in Europe, with the NHL - what kind of importance does it have for you? The ‘mental strength’ as some people call it?

L: In my personal opinion, over 90% of it takes place in your head. Without wanting to disrespect anyone, when I train with the guys here: they’re not slower – well maybe when compared to someone like McDavid – but generally they’re not slower, their shooting isn’t worse than that of the guys I train with overseas, but in my opinion it’s something in your head. It’s all mental games, mental stuff that plays a huge role in Hockey, and in sports in general.

RG: [to Peter] If you think back to your career and you compare it to Leons, what would you like to have that he does and you didn’t?

P: If you move beyond the fact that times were different back then – no videos, no social media – the NHL was so far removed from us for most players, and definitely for me, that I wasn’t even thinking about it. But putting that aside, maybe his maturity or his mental strength. Because I figured out pretty late what this sport was about, I wasted years of my time playing hockey by not taking it seriously as a team sport, not knowing what it meant to be part of a greater whole. Where I needed to position myself to be actually useful. And he [Leon] understood that much earlier.

RG: If you had to describe him as a player how would you do that?

P: As someone who … maybe partially already is, but will definitely succeed in being a dominant two-way player. Who, with his skills, should be able to carry a line, to lead and direct a group of five players. Moreover he has the ability to score - to set up plays and also score himself. I don’t think I’m wrong when I say that Leon is developing that way. I think that’s his overarching goal he wants to reach, so he can compete with the superstars of our sport. People like Crosby, who have already won tons of stuff, who have proven not just once but over and over again that when it really counts, they can bring it.

RG: [to Leon] How would you rate that evaluation by a coach, by your Papa?

L: He knows me, of course. He knows that it’s my goal to get there someday, to be a two-way forward that can score goals but who doesn’t think he’s above doing the dirty work defensively. Who takes important face-offs and who’s a complete, all around good hockey player.

RG: Leon, this year was the first time you’ve done your prep work in Cologne. How did that happen and why did you choose to do your training camp for the NHL season in Germany?

L: I’m from here. I grew up here. This is the perfect scene for me, and with my dad as a coach here, it gives me every opportunity to prepare successfully and well. A weight room, I can go on the ice, every day, use the gym every day, so that’s a no brainer for me.

RG: When you’re on the ice here, your Papa is the coach. What’s that situation like for you, when he’s the one blowing the whistle?

L: [Grinning] By now I’ve gotten used to it a little. Since I’ve always kind of done it like that over the years, that I go train wherever my dad happens to be at the time. Sometimes when he gets a little louder it’s a bit weird for me, because I only know my Papa from what he’s like at home, talking shit, joking around. So when it gets serious all of a sudden… but other than that it’s pretty normal. I know it’s a business, I know this is his job and I’m smart enough to separate that from home life.

RG: So I guess that means when you were little, you were just like all the other kids, following your dad into the locker room and getting to know Hockey like that. Was it essentially a pre-decided thing that you’d get into hockey yourself?

L: If you follow basic logic, of course that had something to do with it. I don’t know, a couple of weeks ago I saw pictures of me where I could barely walk and was wearing a giant red helmet and gloves that were half my…

P: And a pacifier, don’t forget that. A pacifier.

L: …half my entire body size. So of course I got into it via my dad. But I think the passion, to a certain degree, you have to develop yourself.

RG: When you think back, what’s the first thing you remember of your dad in regards to Hockey?

L: For me, the coolest thing was after the game when the kids were allowed to come down and onto the ice and were handed over the glass by one of the parents. Then taking a victory lap with Papa, that was the best… I always loved that.

P: And my back check at Schalke.

L: And his back check at Schalke in 2010, that was also…

P: Formative. Formative, definitely.

L: I’ll never forget that.

RG: Your back check at Schalke?

P: Yeah, I burned my equipment after that. Before the game there was a match against the Grasbrunner (?) guys, a pre-game.

RG: At the World Cup Germany were hosting? In front of 70000 people?

P: Exactly, yeah. That was when I realized…

L: Let it go. Hang them up.

P: Stop playing.

L: Give it up.

P: And that was the last time I played a hockey game.

RG: Oh, really?

P: Yeah.

RG: Mine too, by the way.

P: There you go.

RG: I saw you and thought to myself: better not try again.

P: That’s it, now it’s over.

RG: When did you realize what kind of talent Leon had, the potential he had?

P: The first time I thought it could be enough for a higher level was when I was overseas at Prince Albert and it was starting to look likely he’d get drafted at the junior draft, or rather the NHL draft, relatively highly. And then you obviously have the hope, if you’re talking about the first round or something, that he could end up in the best league, in the NHL.

RG: [to Leon] You’re 22 years old, turning 23, how much would you say have you reached your potential as a hockey player?

L: I’d say I have a lot more in me. Or rather, I know I have a lot more to give. At 22 no Hockey player, no athlete is at the point he can reach by 26, 27, 28. It’s a process I’m looking forward too, but I also know it’s very hard work. I’ll try to get better and better each year.

RG: Now there’s going to be this game, the global series that’s taking place here. The game was sold out within 10 minutes. When did you first find out there would be the opportunity to play against an NHL team as a coach here in Cologne?

P: I don’t remember, or I somehow… [Leon murmuring] excuse me?

L: I think it was through me.

P: That’s possible. I think at first I didn’t even realize it. I heard about the Oilers playing here, I thought it was a joke at first. When it became official I thought okay, well, this is a fact now. Again, for ‘Kölle’ [nickname for the city in the regional accent] this game, and the winter game later in the season, are huge, fantastic events awaiting us. I think this event, this game against the Oilers will be really fun for everyone involved.

RG: The global series, Leon, to explain the basics, what’s the idea behind it? Why does the NHL play games abroad, in Europe?

L: I think it’s to push markets in countries where Hockey isn’t as popular. To increase the importance of Hockey worldwide, and especially in countries where it’s relatively unknown, like China, like Germany, I don’t know where else. Or in smaller countries, to push the sport. I think the NHL is doing a really good job, and I personally really like that they’re doing these kinds of matches. I think for the DHL teams as well, or with New Jersey in Switzerland, for the Swiss teams, it’s a highlight and everyone is looking forward to it.

RG: In this game, Edmonton Oilers vs. Kölner Haie, how important is the Draisaitl vs. Draisaitl duel? It’s not every day you get the chance to beat your dad, and it’s not every day you get to coach against an NHL team either.

P: Well this is going to be his only chance, because in table tennis and every other game [Leon protests by puffing up his cheeks and laughing] he can’t keep up, so maybe Wednesday will be the only time he gets the opportunity. But I don’t see them beating us yet.

L: [Grinning, then mock-serious] This is going to be one of many times I’ll beat my dad, in various things. No, like he said, it’s going to be an outstanding event, for our family it’s going to be special as well. And I think for them [Kölner Haie] it will be the hardest, I think they don’t quite know what’s in store for them yet. Being neutral is [unintelligible]

RG: If you absolutely had to pick a player from Edmonton to play with the Kölner Haie – and you have to, otherwise you’d say you wouldn’t take any – you need to take one.

P: I have to, yes.

RG: Who would you pick?

P: He would start right now? For the season?

RG: Yeah, exactly. Who do you pick?

P: I’ll have to think for a little bit. There’s quite a few who are… I would have to decide between McDavid and Leon. But you only want one.

RG: Yeah, and why you’d pick him. Who and for what reason.

P: I’d pick McDavid. Leon will have to deal with that.

L: [Mockingly] Incomprehensible. Can’t understand that choice.

P: He needs to be strong now.

RG: if you had to pick one for Edmonton – one of the Cologne guys.

L: From the Cologne team. Hmm. [clicks his tongue] Pfohli [Fabio Pfohl]. I think he has the potential. His Hockey IQ is on a really high level. In my opinion it should be his goal to play in the NHL.

P: Okay.

RG: [to Peter] You’ll stick with your choice? McDavid?

P: [nodding]

L: [grinning, shaking his head] Can’t understand that.

[All laughing]

RG: Okay, thank you!

[nethersphereadventure]

Day 1182

Okay so I already done fucked this so let's go again here reee to deleting things.

It's been 3 1/4 years since I started this and so much has changed. Let's start at the beginning shall we. Last time we were here I was stressing about exam results and my place in the world. Here's my thoughts kinda ordered but also really not.

Leaving home; Well, the first and biggest event was leaving home to go live w my dad. Tbh I think the less said the better

Relationship; My longtime crush asked my out and I was crazy enough to not initially accept him! We all went together as family members to go see Cosmo Sheldrake which was incredible multigenerational experience even if I was exhausted

Swimming; This was not the greatest of days. I was so overwhelmed that I couldn't even get out of bed to go on a day I'd really looked forward to with my 2 best friends. I think I worried them but just ghosting out but I was really touched how they completely turned my day around. It was also during that period which we absolutely abused free cinema tickets to go see mamma Mia 2 and into the fade (weird German movie)

We got Harry and Peter

Prom, picnic: I'd had my hair and nails done with mog and it was insanely hot. well it all started with morrigan and finn coming over to watch the handmaiden. They stayed the night and it was lovely but I felt like absolute garbage the next day, which was when we were supposed to go on a picnic but I ended up on my dad's bathroom floor for most of the day. I still felt a bit woozy the day after for prom but I just had to keep drinking and I was okay despite nearly flashing many people including my tutor and head of year. I stayed at mogs but didn't go to the after party bc of the obvious shiteness. I had a lovely or not so lovely chat with finn on the floor. We all eventually passed out in a spoon train only to be awoken by Joanna throwing malteasers at us through the window.

Budapest; this meant I ended up going to London twice in about 3 days. The first trip was with finn and Dom to go see flight of the conchords. It was fantastic. Then came the trip to buda. We travelled to Lucy's House where we had amazing pizza and a fitful night's sleep. Then caught a taxi and an insanely early bus to Heathrow. We made it and the ended up having to pelt across Munich. When we arrived in buda the first mishap was Radley getting yeeted off of the bus by the driver and they had to sneak back on. Then we went to our lovely apartment and then did all the usual things of sightseeing, looking at museums, going to the baths and ruin bars as well as cat cafes. The house of terror and the hospital in the rock were really amazing experiences. Also surprisingly there were some really cool thrift stores! Then we came back and ended up getting stuck at Heathrow by missing our bus by like 2 minutes. Luckily radleys dad picked us up for the long journey back home.

Our birthday happened at some point maybe hereish?

Exam results; I was insanely stressed about these. I couldn't sleep the night before. Morrigan messaged me in the morning to say she'd gotten her results before ucas was technically supposed to open so of course I checked. I was able to tell my dad before we even left the house and he cried. We met my mum down at school to collect my actual results and then went for tea. I got a monkey card which was honestly the most exciting thing.

Greenman; we actually had tent poles this time and I married an alien.

Camping; we met up with some people we haven't met up with for ages and we basically had freedom to fuck around in Lyme Regis and the surrounding areas. I got a load of cool free badges from a vintage shop owner because I helped him sort them. There were so many other cursed shops it was great especially the penny arcade where we spent a lot of our time. Also I lost the end of my toe to a wall in Lyme Regis which was real exciting. On our way back the worst happened and I had to pee in someone's driveway.

Greenbelt; I've already kinda talked about this but I've never been to a place where I know so many artists. It was so nice to be independent but also have a great time with my dad and rest of the family. It was the first time we'd been there alone for a very very long time.

Uni prep; this was wild and I couldn't do it and kinda had a breakdown which included spreading my stuff all over the living room. Finn came over and calmed me down so much.

Coming to uni; my dad brought me up here to Manchester with all my badly packed stuff. We moved in and he gave me this real cute necklace and painting which made me cry which set him off. We set up my room and he left. I just sat down and didn't know what to do with myself. So I did the thing only a normal person would do and knock on every single door in my block in the hope that someone would answer and one person did! It was Emily. I felt so awkward the first time just like sat with her. Luckily I encouraged her to go around again and I met more people. When my family came up to see me we even dragged Dan and Albert out with us.

Freshers; this was incredible. I met so many people at jcr events in Vickies. It was so sweaty and crowded. There were two biggish events for me. The first one was the palaver of deansgate takeover. I forgot my ID. I tried to take the bus back but it took me to the wrong accommodation. Then found somebody willing to buy me an uber and come to my accommodation where we luckily picked up chloe as well. We then finally made it in. This was the night I met Gabriel. Secondly was the night I boycott the festival and met up with randoms in Plymouth . It was great fun even if we don't really talk. However this was all a little marred by Finns breakdown at freshers. We were all so worried.

First semester was just a time of getting familiar with everything and messing around, learning how uni and essays worked. I went to Swansea to surprise Finns for the weekend and he almost cried. Also travelling back from mogs at 2am we just got left by the bus driver which was interesting to say the least.

Christmas and New year: this was a crazy time, we had a really nice few Christmas days. The first actual one was with mum. We basically just ate and watched TV throughout the day. Then there was one where we met up with the cousins which was indeed lovely. Grandma went into hospital on new year's eve, we kinda knew it was the beginning of the end. This meant my entire new year's was nervous but I felt surrounded by friends still.

Now. The here and now. Everything this still crazy. I feel a load closer with my flatmates. We've laughed, cried and gotten drunk. We've danced all night and done all manners of dumb shit. There's been love and slightly less anger. We had an amazing dinner dance the other night and it was truly fantastic to be there with people. After was a also really good fun and we cuddled together until about 7am. Beside my flatmates I've met many great people through our Friday drinks. Aurora, zillion, luke, Danny, jess, gabby and karin etc. I've also got to see kash, aoife and phoebe again. Finn came to see me in Manchester for an entire week so he also met them. It snowed loads and was wonderful. We cooked, slept, messed around, watched films whatever and it was great.

The future-- for me in the short term its relatively simple. I just need to write essays and pass my classes and it's all gucci. However the day after tomorrow is brexit and the who really knows?

[blue-collects-things]

The Losers Club + Singing

Warnings: Swearing (shocker), very brief mentions of Bev’s asshole father being an asshole, light homophobia and racism

Requested: Not implicitly

Author’s Note: This got real long so I’m just going to put it under the cut (like usual) but I really enjoyed writing this! I’m working on part 4 of YWISC, I promise, but until then, take these peace offering headcanons. *shoves this post towards you and runs*

((i’m so excited for this one!!))

🎶 ben 🎶

ben only sings if he’s 100% certain he’s alone

he won’t even sing in front of his mother, that’s how embarrassed he is

one time, bev caught him singing new kids on the block and he was red for a solid 20 minutes

she subtly drops hints around the other losers for a while just to see how red ben could get

his voice is decent, but there are songs he can totally nail if he tries and it sounds amazing

when he was little he was in his church’s children’s choir

he secretly wants to be able to serenade bev like in all the musicals his aunt is so fond of

he was dared once to sing karaoke at the restaurant the losers went to

he absolutely refused to go onto the stage alone

so mike went with him and didn’t take it seriously

ben thought it was hilarious so he went along with it and just sang

when he gets his own car at the end of sophomore year, he turns up the music he listens to as loud as it can go while he sings

only if he’s alone, of course

when he’s with his friends, he lets them pick so he doesn’t have to hear the comments about his music tastes

he likes to sing in different languages because it presents a challenge and he wants to be fluent in a ton of different language

like honestly, he gets super into k-pop when it becomes popular

but his favorite languages to sing in are italian and french because they sound pretty (romance languages ya know)

when he gets into a new band, he gets into a new band and learns literally every word to every song even if it’s not his favorite

🎶 bev 🎶

bev can’t sing for shit but that doesn’t stop her

the boys: please stop, i beg of you

bev: la la la i can’t fucking hear you

however ~however~ she can rap like nobody’s business

when hamilton comes out, she knows that shit better than lin-manuel miranda himself

she can do the entirety of guns and ships in her sleep

when her and richie go smoking, they open all the doors of richie’s car and turn up their music full blast

they scream all the lyrics and dissolve into fits of giggles

bev is actually a little self-conscious about her voice

her father always made her sing with him when she was little

and he would say shit like “mmm could be better” or “wow that was awful”

it actually hurts a little when the boys make fun of her but they always reassure her they’re joking

when she goes to concerts, she all but screams the words to the songs and the people around her are doing the same thing so she feels right at home

beverly fucking marsh, ladies and gents, gets up on stage during the high school talent show with one of the choirs every single year and raps while they sing

everyone looks forward to it

freshman year, she did the rap parts of Magic

sophomore year, she did the rap parts of Stereo Hearts

junior year, she did the whole song from The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air

senior year, she did the rap parts of Alexander Hamilton

when she graduates from college with her education degree, the first teaching job she gets, she helps her kids learn the material through rap

all the kids love her because she makes learning fun and easy to remember

when she and ben go to homecoming together their junior year, she sings softly under her breath to one of the slow songs

and she’s actually trying

like she practiced

and ben is beyond impressed

“wow, bev, that’s beautiful”

and she blushes but won’t say anything

at the graduation party, she and the losers have, she gets a little tipsy after the adults leave and sings the highest, loudest song she can

it sounds phenomenal

the guys are flabbergasted

richie: we should get you drunk more often, bevvie. you could win tv show contests with that voice.

bev: shut the fuck up, trashmouth.

when she has her first kid, she takes three vocal lessons so she can sing lullabies to them

because she wants them to her voice

she gets super sappy when the baby smiles after she sings

she may or may not have cried

🎶 bill  🎶

how does one describe the singing voice william “big bill” denbrough

the answer is: you can’t, you tried, you failed

when he sings, he shouts

like there is very little musicality when he tries to sing

he gives bev a run for her money when they go to concerts

he’s the type of person who, because he is a writer, writes his own songs

and they’re really good, but he can’t sing them correctly

when georgie was little, he would always want bill to sing him to sleep at night and his parents don’t get it because bill’s voice isn’t soothing or sleep-inducing in any way

at church, his parents have to quiet him down because the picky old ladies look scandalized he’s singing so loudly during mass

georgie just grabs his hand and sings loudly with him bc big brother idolization, ya know?

(he may or may not stick his tongue out at the old women when his parents aren’t looking to stick up for his brother)

he never stutters when he sings and richie thinks this helps him learn to speak without stuttering

stan starts picking up on it and will quietly sing with bill when he feels overwhelmed and can’t get his words out

bill is amazing at lip-syncing 

the losers will all be listening to music and suddenly they look at bill who’s like in the zone and mouthing every word

then a cyndi lauper song comes on and if you didn’t know any better, it would seem like her voice was coming out of his mouth

it freaks mike out

bill auditions for a musical (the first and last) in college and the people listening to him are like “why is he screaming at us?” and defer him to stage crew where he finds out he can wield a nail gun like nobody’s business

he wants to privately serenade stan on one of their dates and has richie help him prep for it

richie teaches him simple chords on his guitar and lets bill borrow it for the evening, coaching him to sing softly

bill sings “i’m yours” and stan is smiling so widely his cheeks hurt but he can’t stop

“did you like it?” bill asks when he’s done, not looking up

“like it? i love it!” stan just snuggles up next to him for the rest of their date (and bill thanks richie a million times later)

when he works out, he always listens to music and can be heard trying to sing along under his breath (and failing) by all the employees and other patrons

when he leaves whistling whatever he had just been listening to, the poor woman next to him sighs in relief

🎶 eddie 🎶

eddie’s voice is unnaturally high for a boy but he loves it anyway (think mitch from pentatonix)

he joined as many school choirs as he could during middle and high school and totally was captain of the tenor 1s in his senior year

unironically calls the other tenor 1s his children

dude has the range of a opera singer

it’s more comfortable to sing in the higher end of his range but he can do the equivalent of a singing death drop and slide all the way from a b5 to a g3

always gets the solos when competing because he has such an impressive range

starts an a cappella group his freshman year of high school and convinces stan to join (we’ll talk more about that later)

they get so good, they start to do travel competitions

it’s probably the most diverse group at derry high because literally everyone that has a good voice is welcome to audition

a kid named taylor helps eddie arrange music and choreography even though they’re in a wheelchair

sings duets with his mom in the car because it’s the only time that they seem to get along without arguing

their go-to song is “halo” by beyonce

eddie’s mom is so highkey proud of her son and his abilities that most of the time she’ll just sit back and listen while one of them is driving until eddie says “ it’s supposed to be a duet, mom”

loves to vibrato it up because he’s super dramatic when he sings literally anything

he gets teased because singing and dancing in organized choirs is “gay” according to the bowers gang

ok one time, bowers made fun of him and the rest of the tenors and eddie just straight up decked him before calmly getting on the bus to go wherever they were competing

the tenors (and the bases) were like “shit dude you okay?”

and eddie says “no one makes fun of my kids” while shaking out his hand

and the tenors kind of crowd around him for a hug because they love their mom captain

he sings the national anthem a lot at high school games but one time, he was invited to sing it at a red sox game in boston and he freaked out

richie: you’ve sung this shit like a million times. all that’s changed is the number of people listening to your beautiful voice. now go out there and make hot baseball players fall in love with you.

eddie: *blushing* shut the fuck up.

sings lullabies to literally everyone and it soothes them so much

richie is falling asleep on his lap? lullaby

stan is having an anxiety attack? lullaby

bill is freaking about his stutter? lullaby

mike is overwhelmed by the amount of work on his plate? lullaby

ben has a nightmare? lullaby

bev is crying about her father? lullaby

needless to say it works wonders

🎶 mike 🎶

has such a low voice and it drives everyone nuts

he has all the girls (and some guys- mostly richie) salivating after him when he sings once at a high school talent show 

can harmonize with anything like a song will just be on the radio and he’ll drop in a perfect lower harmony that just works

cantors at mass on sundays sometimes and usually sings with the choir

he has a real knack for the baptist religious music and his voice is just perfect for it

his college did a production of “the drowsy chaperone” (A/N: great show) and when he tried out in a spur of the moment decision, he got the part of george

he killed it

also, he learned a tap number with the actor who played robert and the losers were thoroughly impressed

ben: i didn’t know he could move like that

bev: *shouting* that’s my son!

stan: *mortified* shh!

when mike becomes the derry librarian, he starts a story time for the little kids and when there’s music in the books, he’ll sing

a little girl only comes on days when he sings and that amuses him to no end

he plays classical music through the loudspeakers when he closes up the library because it gets lonely, you know, and tries to sing all the instrumental parts with his voice

he does the best with cello parts

one time, someone came in late and he didn’t even realize it and they started to clap

he now locks the door before he starts to clean up

LOVES karaoke and always drags his friends to bars and forces them to sing with him

tries out once for a really prestigious travel choir who do lots of shows in europe because they were looking for a bass

the snooty old man in charge of auditioning says “we don’t take your kind here”

and stan is livid when mike tells him about it

stan: hypothetically, if you told me their names and i went to their houses, what would happen if i killed them?

richie: jesus, stanny, remind me not to get on your bad side.

sings with eddie at ben and bev’s wedding and makes them cry tears of joy while they’re doing their first dance

mike’s twin daughters maisie and charlotte clearly have the same vocal skills as their dad and they sing together while they get ready for school

mike’s wife, louisa, has plenty of videos on her phone of them trying to sing around their toothbrushes

🎶 richie 🎶

richie tozier, my friends, is a wonder when it comes to singing

typically, he doesn’t try too hard and goofs off with silly songs

sings shit like “never gonna give you up” and “barbie girl” unironically

stan is neverendingly exhausted by it

stan: anything but blue again, please

when he applies himself, he drives people wild with his raspy, amazing voice

and by people, i mean eddie

he taught himself to play guitar when he was 12 and then when nobody would sing with him, he did it himself

in a stroke of bad decision making on the school faculty’s part, they allowed him to be the announcer at a football game and he sings all the announcements- all of them

richie: *singing* number 27 (bill) looking feisty tonight

richie: *still singing* when will the quarterback (mike) love me?

principal: that is quite enough

richie: *singing some more* you can’t do that (whole stadium claps)

every once in a while (quite often) when richie stayed over at the denbroughs, georgie would ask him to sing with his brother so that his lullaby could be a duet

for just a year and one year only, richie is in eddie’s a cappella group

he gets lovingly kicked out because he distracts not only eddie but a lot of the others in the group because he’s a really great singer when he tries

but he helped make a killer arrangement of feel again that they still use to compete even after eddie graduates

is actually very knowledgeable about music theory because it was always part of the youtube videos he watched when he was learning guitar

richie: you know, i think this would sound better with a major third chord instead of this minor seventh

mike: what

richie: what

mike: i have no damn idea what you just said

joins a band as lead singer and guitarist when he gets to college and gets really popular locally because of his “just got out of someone else’s bed” voice

you know those songs bill writes? yeah half of them are with help from richie

they start a youtube channel anonymously and sing them as duets with richie’s soft guitar music (think jem and the holograms)

they have a really niche cult following, some of whom try to figure out who they are, but mostly just to enjoy the music

georgie claims it’s his influence from lullaby time when he was younger (and the boys humor him)

🎶 stan 🎶

woo boy, where to even begin with stan?

he never sings in public and the times that he does sing are so few and far between it’s like a cryptid sighting

bev: i once heard stan singing in the shower after we all went swimming in the quarry

the rest of the losers: bullSHIT

but ~buuuuuUUuUUUtttt~ this boy has the voice of a god and he uses it like a weapon

stan: *doesn’t want to do something*

stan: *singing* billy, you know how much i love you right?

bill: *totally taken aback* not fair

he once sang in the talent show because it was his senior year (and he lost a bet to richie)

he decided to sing a sappy love song that was popular and the whole auditorium was so stunned it took them a full thirty seconds to give him a standing ovation once he finished

this boy is the only person in the losers club who can do any p!atd song, like any of them, and do an accurate impression of brenden urie

it’s a little scary how close their voices sound

his mother teaches him the hebrew prayers they sing during shabbat and sometimes the losers will catch him singing them when he’s not paying attention

he got tipsy once while he was out with bev and eddie and sang a super raunchy song on stage during a karaoke night and totally crushed the hell out of it

nobody believes that this happened

not even stan supposedly

bev and eddie: i swear on my life

mike: over my dead body did this happen

ben: yeah no way

stan: *winks at bev and eddie*

when he and bill move in together, stan will sing to bill when he thinks bill is asleep

stan will run his fingers through bill’s hair and sing something like blackbird and bill is just... goosebumps everywhere

stan sometimes knows bill is awake by the way his breathing hitches and keeps going because bill is the only person he trusts to be totally unafraid in front of

he can hit high notes like nobody’s business but only if he’s taken a shot of hard liquor recently

at the graduation party, he and eddie got into a high-note-off

a video exists somewhere on ben’s phone of the two just going at it

richie can be heard in the background just losing his fucking mind

stan never accepts solos when he’s part of eddie’s a cappella group and nobody understand why (again voice of a god)

there was a competition when eddie was getting over laryngitis and the only person who knew his solos were (drum roll, please) stan!

needless to say, they blew the judges away and won first place

~ ~ ~

There you are! I hope you enjoyed this little treat while I work on part 4 of you were in screaming color (which I have recently edited chapter 1 of and put it on ao3 here). Got a request? Submit one here. See my masterlist here.

[winetae]

⇾ cross the line (m).

idol!au + impreg kink 

⇁ female reader x seokjin

⇁ smut, idol!au

⇁ unprotected sex, kink discovery, dirty talk ↳  (supposed to be a drabble); 3.8k

. . .

seokjin knows he shouldn’t, but he can’t stop himself from coming back to you. 

(a/n) ik this is idol!au but seokjin is a bit ooc !! i don’t think he’s really like this irl ok,, also tagging addie bc she said she’s a thirsty hoe n wants to read @chinnychimchim (ilu) inspired by pic above (ldflfjkj) + title taken from ariana grande’s song into you which was the original title for this fic (ha) love u all & happy holidays. 

Seokjin liked to think he had excellent control over his own emotions. 

How could he not when this particular skill was one of his many job requirements? He had learned long ago to conceal his frustration with forced smiles and loud laughs, to veil any traces of fatigue behind an immaculate appearance. It was the only way to maintain his manufactured idol image.

But Seokjin was only human. There were times when his carefully crafted mask shattered around the edges, his real feelings bleeding through the tiny cracks. Between Bangtan’s packed schedules and the stress from the impending comeback, his patience often hung by a thread. The younger members in particular liked to push their luck and test his tolerance, their jokes teetering between friendly banter and blatant disrespect. Only years of practice had helped him curb his instinctive desire to put them back in their place. 

Thankfully the constant presence of cameras kept him in check. Only the occasional tick in his jaw betrayed his vexation. On the days when he felt particularly vindictive, he slapped a friendly hand over Jungkook’s shoulder with more force than necessary. Just as a reminder. 

But those slips in composure rarely happened, all things considered. Seokjin was good at bottling up his feelings, a charming smile always ready to deflect any intrusive questions asked by reporters. The exaggerated winks and excessive air kisses were now an automatic response to the shouts of his name, and all the boasting no longer made his ears turn pink from embarrassment. Every day, he played his role as the narcissistic visual convincingly, the shameless bragging more for comedic effect than anything else (the extra five seconds of screen time were a welcome bonus). 

Managing his image wasn’t an easy feat by any means. The list of things he wasn’t allowed to do or say was twice as long as the one detailing what he was given permission to do. Even when the cameras stopped rolling, he had to be mindful of his every expression and action. 

Naturally, there were times when he wanted to say ‘fuck this’ and throw caution to the wind. He was sure most of his friends shared the same sentiment. They all coped with it in different ways; Yoongi vented his anger through his lyrics, making a home for himself in his studio, and Hoseok smuggled late night snacks into his room when their manager wasn’t looking. 

Seokjin’s preferred method of rebellion was you. 

Or, more specifically, fucking you into the sheets in hotel rooms when your schedules permitted it. 

It was the ultimate transgression, but Seokjin would be lying if he said the adrenaline rush didn’t excite him.

He could handle extreme dieting even if his stomach grumbled in protest. He could turn a blind eye to the vicious comments left under his articles even if he had to subdue his initial burst of anger. There were, however, rules he didn’t like to play by and assumptions he didn’t care to humor. 

Some would argue that it was more effort than it was worth. Every secret rendezvous necessitated weeks of planning, lots of spare money, and, more often than not, involved the signing of two or three non-disclosure agreements. Even to him, the lengths he went for a fuck seemed like too much trouble, especially when the risks were so high. 

But then he remembered how good your tight heat squeezed around him, your manicured nails digging into his shoulders as you wrapped your legs around his waist with unbridled enthusiasm. Whenever he was buried balls deep inside of you, your name caught in the back of his throat, he reminded himself that you were absolutely worth it. 

There was nothing more satisfying than seeing you fucked out underneath him, your lips bitten-red and parted to ask for more. You always looked so far gone, tears prickling the corner of your eyes when you shuddered in ecstasy, and it did wonders for his ego. 

It was the image of you falling apart on his cock—eyes unfocused, voice hoarse, skin dewy with perspiration—that stayed ingrained in his mind long after the sun had risen up. The memory was barely enough to keep his desires at bay during the weeks that separated the nights spent with you, but Seokjin was forced to make do with the hazy and fading recollections of your trysts. He had nothing else to hang on to. There were no phone calls, no Facetime dates, no ‘good morning’ messages or secret couple clothing exchanged. What the both of you shared wasn’t a relationship, not in the traditional sense of the term, and it sure as hell wasn’t a friendship, either. 

As much as he wanted to spend more time with you, these days he hardly had time to squeeze in a 3 hour nap, let alone find the time to jerk one off in the privacy of his shared bathroom. Concert prep always left him drained, his body too exhausted and sore to even think about working himself to completion. Thoughts of you became less and less frequent as his attention was monopolized by work. All of his days blended into one monotonous routine of repetitive and predictable press questions and the same, fixed set list. 

February kicked in with their new song lining up the charts. He had never been more thankful for the opportunity to perform new songs, new choreos—anything that would break the pattern his body had unwillingly gotten used to. 

The only thing he hated about promotion cycles were the inevitable music show performances. Waking up at the crack of dawn for pre-recordings and then having to kill time for the rest of the day was a pain in the ass he would pay to avoid if he could. 

Seokjin was notorious for complaining about the long waiting hours—his crabby behavior a thing of legend among the staff. It was childish, but he was too petty to change his ways. Bad habits die hard, as they said.

Today, however, he was uncharacteristically quiet, his compliance earning raised eyebrows from staff and members alike. If Yoongi was surprised by his lack of grumbling this time around, he probably hadn’t realized that your comeback had coincidentally overlapped with his.

Eyes trained on the screen in front of him, his thoughts wandered back to all of your stolen moments together. He couldn’t help but notice how your smile looked less strained than it used to be, your eyes twinkling under the harsh stage lights. Seokjin wondered if you had moved on and found someone else to satisfy your needs during the months he hadn’t seen your face. Something ugly twisted in his chest; he hated that he was so replaceable. 

As soon as he finished performing one of their newest songs, his expression darkened again, having caught sight of you as you lined up with your group members. Belatedly, he remembered the presence of the cameras and the watching eyes all around him and hurriedly schooled his features. 

Standing on Music Bank’s ending stage; he waved at the audience blindly, guided by the screams of his name, and aimed his trademark winks at the over-enthusiastic crowd who were more than happy to pretend they were directed at them. He indulged them for a little longer, before deeming his quota of fan-service for the day fulfilled, his attention inevitably strayed back to you. 

Thinking back, he wasn’t sure what he was expecting from you. Even when you two had been seeing each other regularly, neither of you were the type to showcase your closeness outside of closed doors. 

Seokjin wasn’t awaiting a long heart-to-heart conversation or a warm catching up session, but surely you could have reciprocated his smile? When you greeted him with a formal bow, Seokjin fought hard to keep the frown off his face. Why did it feel like a subtle dismissal? Were you mad at him for not staying in contact? He didn’t want to admit how much all of this bothered him. Why was he getting so worked up? After all, you weren’t his girlfriend; you didn’t owe him anything. Was he…overreacting? 

A headache was on its way, he could feel it. When it was time to line up and greet the KBS PD, the promoting groups huddled on either side of the corridor while waiting for him to come out of his waiting room. Leaning his weight back against the wall, his eyes kept flickering back to you. It was easy to spot you out of the crowd; your tinkling laugh recognizable, his ear trained. 

The corner of your eyes crinkled, your expensive, shiny earrings dangling whenever you tipped your head back to laugh at one of your member’s joke. Seokjin’s chest constricted, an invisible weight pressing down until it was hard to breathe. He hadn’t realized he had made his staring obvious until another girl elbowed you, jutting her chin in his direction.

Like a deer in headlights, he stood there like an idiot as you finally acknowledged him with a surprised look painting your face. You offered him a polite smile, confusion evident by the way your brow creased. Now that you were in front of him again, so near, he felt the familiar, distracting tug of arousal. There was something else, too, twinging at his heart, but he focused on the heat stirring in the pit of his belly instead. 

He toyed with the phone in his pocket, his eyes never leaving yours, before finally deciding to just go for it, not wanting to wuss out again and regret it. 

[Seokjin] : Hey. Can we talk? 

.

.

He should have predicted that falling into bed with you would be stupidly easy, like a habit he would never grow out of.

“Fuck, I forgot the condoms.” He had never wanted to slam his head against a wall in sheer frustration until now. Sitting back on his haunches, he cast a dejected look over the expanse of your exposed body, his mouth downturned in a pout. 

Should he text his manager hyung to get him some? He was desperate enough to put aside his pride and ask. 

“It’s okay,” you reassured him, grabbing his hand between your dainty fingers before he could reach for his phone. “I’m clean, are you?”

“Y-yeah.” He licked his plump lips, his answer a breathless stutter. Did you—? “Wait, are you sure?”

He had never not used a condom. With you, or anyone else for that matter. Management had advocated the practice of safe sex enough times that he always kept a condom in his wallet just in case. He had been warned about the dangers of unprotected sex so many times that the mere idea of fucking you bare made his chest constrict with worry. What if…?

“Please, I want you so bad,” you whined, tugging his hand impatiently and effectively putting a stop to his inner monologue. 

Seokjin swallowed thickly as you guided him to the apex of your thighs because, fuck. How were you so wet already? He ran a tentative index finger along your slick folds, feeling the extent of your arousal. A sharp intake of breath alerted him of your sensitivity and he couldn’t stop himself from applying a little more pressure just to hear the sound again. 

You usually needed longer to get ready for him, but you were so wet and slippery that Seokjin surmised he could probably push himself into you with relative ease. His head spun as the tempting visual clouded his vision in a haze of lust. 

“Stop making me wait.”

The audible whine in your voice made the surface of his skin tingle with renewed desire, and he was left momentarily speechless. His shaft stiffened against his thigh, not indifferent to the irresistible sight in front of him. There was no way of hiding how much your actions affected him, and you were quick to take advantage of that.

“Want you to fuck me raw,” you continued, eyes lidded, gyrating your hips in circular motions against his still hand. Already foreseeing he would give in to your request, you didn’t bother to conceal the small yet victorious smirk on your face. “It’s all I could think about when we weren’t together, I missed you so much. My fingers can never compare to your dick.”

Your filthy words made his cock jump, the red tip already leaking with drops of pre-cum. What the fuck. Had he really heard you say…? He couldn’t recall you being this needy or demanding before, but the gleam in your eyes confirmed you had indeed crooned out such brazen and forward words. 

“You can’t just say that, shit,” he squeezed the base of his erection, trying to subtly ease off the edge. The only thought running through his mind right now was how much he needed to fuck you. Maybe it was because his orgasm was long overdue…but it wouldn’t take much longer to bust a nut if you kept talking like that. “Okay, okay, hold on a sec.”

He slipped a finger inside of you, a loud squelching sound telling him your body was lubricated enough already. His bottom lip stayed nestled between his teeth as he focused on getting you ready for his cock. Not that you seemed to need it. You felt so wet, your body eagerly accommodating his intruding digits as if it was welcoming him back. 

“I’m gonna go in now, yeah?” 

“Hurry.” He ignored your whiny mewl in favor of slowly sinking into you. Groans of satisfaction mingled as he inched himself into you. Shaking his bangs out of his eyes so that he wouldn’t miss any shift of expression on your face, he greedily took in the sight of your face scrunched up in pleasure. He gave a tentative thrust of his hips to test the waters, and was rewarded with a delicious moan. Pupils blown dark with pleasure, you pulled him down closer so that your lips could melt against his.

It was frighteningly easy how quickly his body warmed up to yours, how his hands seemed to remember all of your sensitive spots, how his hips settled into the rhythm you liked best. Some things just couldn’t be forgotten, it seemed. Swimming, dancing, cooking his mom’s favorite recipe—you somehow fell in the same category. Months had passed between now and you last liaison, but his body reacted so naturally, as if it relied on muscle memory.

His thrusting became less coordinated, the set pace forgotten. Maybe if he was less taken by lust, he would be embarrassed for not lasting very long. In his defense, it had been a very long time since he last had sex, and no normal human being could resist your hot pussy, anyway. 

“I’m close,” he grunted, the urgency he felt hard to disguise. To this, you crossed your legs around his middle a little tighter, silently inviting him to sink in deeper. He slid a hand up one of your smooth thighs, his fingers sinking into the skin in warning, “Fuck, I have to pull out, sweetheart.” 

“Cum in me. C-can you do that? I want you to fuck me full of cum. Please?” You said the last word so sweetly it made your demand all the more alluring. 

“We shouldn’t, what if—”

“Why not? O-oh.” Your eyes widened in realization. It seemed like you had been knee-deep in lust and had forgotten all about the risks of unprotected sex. “Ah, mmh, but I think you be a good daddy.”

What a filthy mouth you had. Seokjin wondered what kind of porn you had watched to learn all of this…

His hips stuttered, the hand around your thigh gripping the skin so hard he was sure his fingerprints would stay permanently inked on your skin. The clamping of your walls around him, vice-tight, made him realize that this wasn’t just said in jest. You really… You were really into this. The realization made his eyes darken with determination, your pleasure the only object of his attention. 

“F-fuck. Is this what happens when I don’t give you my cum? You’re so horny you’re willing to let me knock you up?” He growled into the shell of your ear, his heart hammering in his chest so loudly he thought it would burst. This was undoubtedly uncharted territory, but he wanted—no, needed—to make you lose it on his cock one last time before he reached his end. “You’ve been such a good cockslut for me, maybe I will reward you.”

“Seokjin!” 

He groaned in turn, your tight pussy trying to milk him as the aftershocks of your climax made you tremble like a leaf in his arms. He distantly registered the tell-tale signs of his own impending release by the way his balls tightened and his stomach tensed. Hips rocking into yours with abandon, he entertained the thought of giving you what you begged for. Having never experienced it before, he could only imagine how it would feel like to spurt his seed into your warm heat and then make you keep it inside you. The mere thought sent shivers down his back all the way down to his toes. Your pussy felt so snug, your walls clenching and squeezing enticingly around his hard shaft, that he just about lost it right there. 

“Fuck fuck fuck.” His nostrils flared when the familiar white hot pleasure crashed over him, momentarily blinding him. 

Seokjin thankfully had the presence of mind to pull out, ropes of white spilling onto your stomach and staining the wrinkled sheets below. He panted heavily, chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath and stabilize his pounding heart.

A huff of laughter escaped his parted lips when he noticed you run your digits across your toned tummy, “Don’t look so disappointed. You know we can’t.” 

You sat up, back now resting against the wooden headboard, a small pout sitting on your lips. “Did you really think I would let you stick it up me without protection?”

“So, you mean…we were safe?”

With a roll of your eyes, you nodded your confirmation, “I get the contraception shot every couple of months… It’s in my contract, anyway. No one wants to deal with a pregnant idol. We have to be a lot more careful about these things… If we have to count on the guy to pull out at the right time, then we should say goodbye to our careers.”

An initial wave of relief put him at ease, his shoulders drooping as an imaginary weight was lifted off of him. Still… There was a niggling feeling in the back of his mind that he couldn’t quite brush aside. He shook his head, instead focusing on cleaning you up and getting ready to head back to the dorm. 

Seokjin watched you tie your tousled hair up with an elastic, his eyes tracing the graceful slope of your nape. Something akin to possessiveness warmed his chest as his sight fell upon the red marks he had suckled down your neck and across your collarbones. 

A thought suddenly occurred to him.

“Did you really miss me?” he asked before he could stop himself. 

In the still of the night, his voice rang out loud and clear. Startled, your fingers hovered in mid-air, three blouse buttons still undone. Even to his own ears, the question reeked with the need for validation and affection. He hated that his feelings were so transparent, so obvious, especially when he didn’t know where he stood with you. 

You turned to face him, cheeks flushed a dusty pink and makeup slightly blotchy. “As much as you missed me.”

He was at a loss for words once more, his mind drawing a blank. What did that even mean? This wasn’t a KBS drama; he could make do without the vague, mysterious answers. Seriously, why were women so difficult to understand? The litany of questions he kept to himself kept him occupied as you both got dressed silently. 

What a waste of a hotel suite, he mused, shutting the door behind him after having watched you leave fifteen minutes prior. There was never time to admire the luxurious backdrop, not when every second spent together could be detrimental to your careers. He had watched enough movies and daytime dramas to know that relationships weren’t supposed to be this way. But since it was you, he was willing to take what he could get.

.

Seokjin found it hard to function the next day. And the day after that. It was becoming increasingly difficult to carry out his job properly when his every thought was plagued by you. His thumb hovered over your name in his contact list the more he let himself be consumed by old memories. He kept spacing out during interviews, and it was only when Namjoon discreetly pinched his side that he was brought back to reality. 

Fans started to notice his strange behavior. They were worried that he was sick and overworked by his company, but the reality was far from that. What would they think if they knew he was actually thinking about filling you up with cum? The thought crossed his mind at the most inconvenient times, more than he was willing to admit. He didn’t blame his fans for thinking he was ill; Seokjin himself felt feverish, his skin hot and clammy. 

For the first time, he felt all semblance of control slip through his fingers. It was as if he had been yanked backwards in time, forced to experience puberty all over again against his will. His body had become a slave to his desires and he was helpless to stop the onslaught of salacious thoughts from eating away at his sanity. 

Even though he knew it wouldn’t help him in any way, he replayed the night in his head whenever he had a spare moment to himself, his tight pants revealing how worked up he got over the memory of you climaxing to the thought of him getting you pregnant.  

At the time, he had thought it to be your kink, but the more he let himself fantasize, the more it dawned on him that the idea equally thrilled him even if it clashed with his moral code. Getting a girl knocked up had always been the one line he had never been willing to cross. Even now, his mind reeled at the thought of him jeopardizing his group’s career because of his carelessness. But knowing that you were actually using contraception gave him the safety net he needed and, for once, he let himself entertain this particular fantasy. 

He didn’t know what to think of this new development or what to do with this revelation. All he knew was that he wanted to try it again, just to see if it was a fluke, a onetime thing. 

.

[thenightisland]

unsolicited lengthy updates from the ghost that runs this blog

i couldn’t believe i hadn’t done one of these in 2018 since in 2017 so much was happening that i had to like five or six of them so let’s see what we have here

mm - second in command nurse/one of my best friends, the one who’s always cursed with constantly cheating death and people dying on her etc ch - staff nurse/one of my best friends, human version of pink champagne, pregnant rc - the techs’ version of a charge nurse/one of my best friends cb - the thriller novelist who inexplicably works with us, the one who nearly got killed on the unit last year there are others that’ll come up but i guess those are the main players

2017 was awful right up to the end. about an hour into 2018 things started looking much more promising, mostly from a personal life standpoint. which was the least it could do after 2017 ruined my christmas.

few weeks into the year cb finally came back. he’d been out five months. no one understood why he came back when he had so many other career options at his fingertips, and we certainly didn’t understand why he came back to the shift it happened on. and even more so i didn’t understand why he talked to me about writing, when he wouldn’t even admit he was a writer out loud to anyone else and certainly didn’t talk at length about it with anyone. he still wouldn’t talk about it, to anyone else.

rc nearly put himself into DTs at the beginning of the year, despite, you know, working in psych and knowing what that does to a person. which sometimes i wonder if that was his intention, to do lasting damage, bc that shit can kill you. he got through all of that ofc, and had done really well until these last few weeks, more on /why/ later

our hospital has a weird tendency to create odd romantic relationships that i swear are things forged out of a mash unit type of daily trauma. so mm is currently in a will they or won’t they arc - leaning toward will - with a guy who works up there. one of my med nurses who went 7-3 is most definitely with one of my techs which we all knew would happen. ch is engaged to a social worker who worked at our hospital at the time. our director married a tech. a house sup has a kid with a tech. the detox charge nurse met his wife when she was a tech and they both worked our unit. etc. i guess it’s bc we deal with such intense things every day and you literally do save each other’s lives. we always joke hospital relationships are an inevitability. that being said my situations with rc and cb should have been expected and yet here i am, the former esp, as we’ve been the hospital’s most popular pairing for ages.

i spend a lot of my time now breaking behavior cases rather than treating psych pts. behavior cases are people who aren’t psychotic, they’re just violent opportunistic assholes who have figured out how to go to a psych hospital instead of jail. treating psych pts is tiring but rewarding. breaking behavior cases makes you feel almost sociopathic bc you /do/ you have to break them. psychologically, i mean. physically all we really have to work with is a shot and a few hours in seclusion. so you end up doing these hannibal lecter style speeches and trying to come up with threats that sound convincing that you know you can’t follow through on but you have to make them believe you can. they keep taking these “pts” so i spend 90% of my time now breaking those cases so that they don’t keep hurting staff and my real pts. one such behavior case was responsible for rc getting attacked. it really is a matter of 98% mind games and movie villain speeches, since this large violent not at all psychotic “pt” no longer messes with me or any of my people after our discussion about his behavior. 

my nursing friend who died unexpectedly last year. her sister was bipolar, which i found out in nursing school, bc over easter weekend i helped my friend get her through a psychotic manic break. i didn’t remember her and she didn’t remember me considering the circumstances of our one meeting. so this past spring i’m prepping a pt to transfer to another unit, and it isn’t until then that i realize the sister had been on my unit all week. part of her paperwork said “off meds, having difficulty coping with upcoming anniversary of sister’s sudden death.” it was like seeing a ghost.

my friend’s mother died. we all adored her mom. she was an artist and a very accomplished one. we had to watch what became a ten year decline.

one of my high school teachers died after dealing with cancer for two years and while i wasn’t fond of her and didn’t mourn her, a death is still a death

cb was a night shift weekender, primarily. in march, found out why when i was on 11-7 he’d pick up shifts. and why he started picking up 3-11s when i switched to 3-11. and why he came back to the shift he got hurt on. why he came back at all. why he was finally actually /talking/ to someone about his life and background before he gone girled himself, and why that person was me. took mm pointing all of it out to realize i was the common denominator but i was always bad at math. 

i went to an island in south carolina for a few weeks in april and dreaded coming home since the vacation curse is 4/4. but nothing happened. thank god. i doubt i could have handled a fifth round.

my nursing class had another member die unexpectedly this year too. last year this guy was the one to post in our fb group that my friend/our classmate had died. idk if this is a the ring sort of deal, but now he’s dead, so the girl who posted about /his/ death should probably watch out in 2019. we have an awfully high mortality rate for a class that had like 22 people in it. much like the teacher, i wasn’t esp fond of him, but it is a bit creepy to watch a classmate die each year.

sometime in may is when the hospital started going to hell, i think. i have vague memories of regulatory agencies being around all the time and some of the doctors and assessors literally living there, pt rooms on one of the nicer units converted into bedrooms for them because yes it was that bad. one woman didn’t see her son for two weeks. it kept escalating to a point that our unit was constantly having meetings with the ceo bc things were that fucked up. they were taking behavior cases they should never have taken. there were so many employee injuries in 2018, and we all just kind of revolted when one such behavior case decked a med nurse in the face just bc he could [you know, the person with no psych history who had tried to murder his little sister prior to admission] that pt was supposed to be d/c’d to jail in two weeks. we had him almost two months. the unit looked like a tenement from the boarded up broken windows. we fought and fought and fought for unit safety and the staffing required to accomplish that. everyone was so goddamn exhausted that we started holding admission paperwork hostage like no it’ll get done when you give me the staff to fucking do it but two nurses in this nurses station with 80 volatile pts is not enough, and guess what four techs for that many pts isn’t enough either. i mean it was just every day fighting. i remember sitting on my tailgate drinking tequila one night with ch and us in tears bc our home was falling apart. and the day rc just said i don’t know how much longer i can keep doing this, sounded defeated, which he’s never defeated. there was a night me mm rc and cb just stood in the nurses station exhausted and saying we’ve got to get out of here. but we kept coming back, fighting for every last bit of progress we could. 

i’d been texting cb one weekend while he was at work, which was the only reason i had my phone on me which meant i saw the message from mm that said “what would 30mg of klonopin do to me” which was how i ended up with one of my best friends on my couch on a saturday night sobbing bc she had come close enough to killing herself that she had the already half empty bottle of vodka in one hand and the bottle of pills in the other. so i had to crisis suicide intervention my fellow psych nurse friend. so i guess good thing i was talking to cb about neruda and auden poetry bc i hate to think what would have happened that night if i hadn’t bothered to keep my phone on me like i do a lot.

and then about a month and a half ago it all came to a head. the dangerous understaffing reached its peak. four techs for eighty pts, which meant two techs for /47/ male pts, a unit of behavior cases, four or five pts who were on 1:1 obs, three admissions untouched, six more pending, and me alone in the nurses station bc i had to put my one other nurse /and/ the secretary on 1:1s that i didn’t have coverage for. i told them it wasn’t safe. i told them i was sick of having this argument every week. i told them that the last time i had to go to two techs on that male hall the week before that staff got hurt. well, three of my four techs were guys, who were stuck on the floor in a hold with a male pt and barely able to keep him contained like having to actively fight and i had to be out there for paperwork/supervisory purposes. that left my remaining one hall tech trying to contain the rest of the unit, since the others were stuck on 1:1s which effectively trap you. so an opportunist female behavior case came up from behind and started beating me in the head over and over and dragged me across the floor by my hair, got a lot out too i had hair coming out for /days/. so my one hall tech is trying to pry this bitch off of me and the staff on the 1:1s are dragging their respective pts up there to the middle of it so they could help bc my guys were still in a losing battle with the male pt. from there i remember mostly being in a blind rage and at some point admin et al came to the unit. and i know i yelled at them a lot and told them they’d better be glad i wasn’t handing them my keys and leaving. and our sweet grandma house sup told the ceo and nurse exec they could be house sup the rest of the night bc she was taking me to the er. our director had to be me the rest of the night. rc wouldn’t even /speak/ to her apparently. one of the social workers was telling her boss that if i left then she was leaving. everything was in an uproar. my nurse who had been stuck on the 1:1 was in the nurses station /sobbing/. the female tech told our director “i hope you know we’re staying for karen, not you.” cb was freaking out bc i texted him from the er and then was taken back for a ct and so didn’t answer and he had called ch terrified bc i wasn’t answering [i think the whole thing probably brought back bad memories for him, obv]. rc didn’t sleep for several days bc he was blaming himself and i had to keep telling him /the only way any of this could have been prevented was by them staffing us appropriately/ bc that’s the truth but he was still so fucking miserable and told mm “if this makes her quit they aren’t getting a two weeks notice from me i’m walking out with her”. in the wake of all this, the unit has continued in the same fashion of fighting for basic necessities every day, and mm is struggling running it in my absence with her already fragile mental health. everyone is kind of terrified about something happening to ch since she’s pregnant. mm is having full panic attack rage breakdowns at our director. when they had the admin meeting with everyone else who was there when i got attacked admin asked my team “how could y’all have prevented this” at which point all of them started yelling at them, and then admin wanted to know why no one called a code when i got attacked at which point rc straight up just yelled at the ceo /because there was no one to fucking call it/.  the nurse exec, who always liked me and was one of the few admin people with a conscience, quit in the wake of me getting hurt, because of the whole thing. and rc has been drinking himself to sleep off and on. 

so now we’re at this crossroads, mm ch rc and i. unsure whether to stay or go. and if so, where? our job is like a war zone idk how to be a civilian anymore, but the four of us have been talking like this place is killing us if this job was a boy/girlfriend we’d call this abusive and end it. if the four of us leave that guarantees the total collapse of what little of the unit will be left. it’s already struggling just with /me/ out [i’ve been out because of the head injury which those aren’t fun], let alone the four of us who have always kind of held the unit together. 

so what the hell are we supposed to do?

in theory 2018 didn’t feel as stressful as 2017 but on paper??? on paper it still looks pretty terrible???????????????

[toogoodmusic]

THE TOO GOOD TEN with CALICO

When the COVID-19 pandemic struck in March of 2020, four longtime friends, Tony Cecchetti, Chris Couto, JeanSe Le Doujet and Will Lloyd decided to use the lockdown to come together to create the Folk-Americana band CALICO. It all begin with Tony who had decided to find time between his six-month-old daughter’s sleep schedule to record several of the songs he had been sitting on. Chris joined in next - who Tony had played live music with to yoga classes in Squamish, BC - who produced the songs and added percussion. Shortly after JeanSe and Will were added to the mix to finish off with their additions of bass and electric guitar respectively. The result was the debut album, Under A Sudden Sun that came together with each musician being able to add their own unique style with no direct guidance and all while being completely separated geographically. Under A Sudden Sun resonates as an introspective and refreshing view on nostalgia, life and love. The band already has their second album recorded and while they continue to already work on their third album, we’ve been lucky enough to have Tony take on the latest Too Good Ten interview. Check out the full interview below to learn more about the album, how they felt about getting a song playlisted on Spotify, how Tony’s mom came to paint the album cover, his biggest pandemic learnings and so much more.

The Too Good Ten. Ten Questions. One Artist. Too Good.

1. Now you guys all started making music during the pandemic in early 2020. Describe how starting a band in the middle of pandemic has been? What were the pros and cons of doing so?

TONY [on behalf of CALICO]: Starting a band during the pandemic had many moving parts. In some ways, CALICO would never have been a thing if it wasn’t for the pandemic. When the world shut down and we were all stuck at home we had the time to do things we may of never had the time to do given the normal pace of life. We could record and really dive into the songs that I had written over the years. The pandemic allowed for us to do that. It was our silver lining during the incredibly difficult time. That said, we also didn’t get the opportunity to play together in the same room until this summer, in late July of 2021, just before we released, Under a Sudden Sun. We started CALICO in March of 2020, so that’s a really long time to not get together. We did a good job Zooming and creating music from afar but it wasn’t easy and it lacked the energy that bandmates bring to a room. All in all it was an incredible experience and is definitely a large part of the backstory of our band. 

2. Congrats on the release of your debut album, Under A Sudden Sun! What was it like putting this together? What was the most personal song to release off the album?

T/C: Thank you so much! We couldn’t be more excited. It’s been amazing to put music out and get so much support back from our community. The reaction has been above and beyond our expectations. Given that we all recorded our parts from different locations, putting together the album had a lot of components. The process for each song was more or less the same. I recorded vocals and rhythm guitar from home. That was then sent off to Chris Couto, who recorded percussion/drums. That was then sent off to JeanSe Le Doujet, who recorded bass. And lastly, sent off to Will Lloyd who recorded lead guitar. Chris Couto produced the album and put an incredible amount of time into making sure each song sounded like we were in playing in the same room. 

The most personal song off the album is “Oh My Mind.” The song is about searching for something that has yet to be fulfilled. In many ways it represents the album as a whole. I always wanted to play and make music. The pandemic allowed me to start a musical journey, with close friends, that seemed unattainable prior to. “Oh My Mind” is about putting one foot in front of the other, exploring, and searching for something that you know is out there, you just haven’t found it yet. 

3. Tony – your mom actually painted the cover for the album. What kind of direction did you give her for the album cover? Were there other versions of the album?

T/C: Yes, my mom painted the album cover. It is something I am very proud of that my mom could be a part of it. I did give her an idea but she had complete creative freedom to take that idea and run with it. I loved wandering the hills of Berkeley, CA when I grew up. Hills that my mom knows well and still hikes regularly. The initial vision was to capture that first light of day when the sun just peaks over the hills. It is a special moment. My mom did a wonderful job capturing it. I have the original painting at my house. I have yet to frame it but will soon and will treasure it for a long time. 

4. As mentioned, the title of the album is named after “that magical moment when the first light of the day peaks out from behind the hills.” What is so enticing about that moment that it inspired the name of the debut album? Which song off the album most encompasses that “tranquil and meditative” moment?

T/C: One of my favorite things to do as a kid was get up at the break of dawn and go fishing. We had reservoirs in the Berkeley Hills where I would go fish. When I was too young to drive, one of my moms would take me. When I became old enough to drive I would go with my closest friends and my sister. To this day, fishing at those lakes is one of the fondest memories I have of growing up in the Bay Area. We would sit for hours in our lounge chairs, look out at the beautiful scenery, and wait for a bite. It was so peaceful and a wonderful place to connect with myself and my favorite people. 

“A Little Light,” which is the first song of the album, best described that tranquil and meditative moment. It is about the importance of light in our lives and was first written as a poem about spending time in those hills as a kid. 

5. “My Darlin’” off the album made it onto your first official Spotify playlist – Renegade Folk. Where were you when you found that out? What does it mean as an artist to make it onto an official Spotify playlist? 

T/C: I got an email from Spotify a couple days after we released, “My Darlin’.” I was sitting at home feeding my 2 year old daughter breakfast. I was so excited. For me, it was a testament that we had made music that was quality enough to be grouped with some great names in the Folk world. I was very proud of everyone in the band. It means a lot to be recognized. I don’t think that Spotify is the be all end all but it’s important to be on that platform. Most people listen to and find new music there nowadays. I still think we have a long way to go. We have yet to play our first show and have a lot of things we want to achieve. We believe we have potential to write more music that moves people and plan to do so.  

6. Although the band started early 2020, you guys only recently got together in person to play songs and take band photos. What was that moment like – finally being all together and playing the songs live after over a year of working on them? Do you think the music would’ve sounded any different if you had all been in the same room instead of remote for the entire process?

T/C: It was an incredible feeling to watch the guys get off the ferry in Victoria, BC. Chris Couto had come out a few days early to settle in and do some prep for our recording session. Will and JeanSe came in on the Friday Night ferry and had to leave on Sunday morning. We didn’t have much time but we made the most of it. The four of us have been friends for years long before CALICO was a thing. Chris, Will, and JeanSe have all played in other bands together. When we all lived in Vancouver I would go hang out and watch them play. I always thought I had the most talented friends. They are incredible musicians and wonderful people. 

I do think there would have been some differences if we had all been in the same room. I am not sure how much that would come through with the sound but definitely with the energy in the room. There is an irreplaceable dynamic that is created when musicians physically  play together. It’s a vibe thing. I will say that recording from afar had immense perks, too. Everyone had complete creative freedom with their individual parts. What you hear as a final product is what four musicians felt added most to each song. There was little guidance. With everyone recording from afar, we could do it on our own time, when we felt we played best. There wasn’t the pressure of doing it at a specific time in the recording studio. 

7. What is the main thing you hope listeners take away from your music?

T/C: I hope that you all resonate with the stories that we share. Most of the songs began as poems and grew from there. They are snippets of our lives that bring us back to particular memories. My hope is that the music can do similar things for you. That you find some inner peace listening to the music and that, maybe when the album has finished, you’re brought back to a place that you think of fondly. 

8. For you, what was the biggest learning from this past year and a half in quarantine/pandemic? 

T/C: I learned to slow down and treasure the small things. The pandemic was a time to be introspective. I gained insights about myself, my ambitions and pursuits that I had never given space for. There was also immense struggle that we all went through. The virus was one thing but the loss of community was a whole other. Losing connection with loved ones was difficult. I had never felt so far from those I cared about. All in all I think it was a time to reflect on what’s important and begin to prioritize that. The pandemic really highlighted the fragility of this life. 

9. If you could only listen to (5) artists for the rest of your life who would they be?

T/C: If I could listen to 5 artists for the rest of my life it would have to be Bob Dylan, The War on Drugs, Nathaniel Rateliff & The Night Sweats, The Beatles, and The Highwomen.

10. What’s the rest of 2021 and early 2022 look like for CALICO?

T/C: We will continue writing and hopefully can start playing some live shows soon. Now that shows are happening again we plan to get our foot in the door. That might not happen until next summer but we are really excited about the idea and await the opportunity. We have recorded our second album, that will be released in 2022, and are working on our third album currently. Stay tuned for more music and we really look forward to playing live for you all one day. Thank so much for checking us out and giving our music a listen. 

Excited to have had Tony from CALICO join for the latest Too Good Ten Interview! Be sure to check out all their socials and music below and be on the look out for those upcoming shows and upcoming second album.

SOCIAL LINKS:

Facebook

Instagram

Website

MUSIC:

Spotify

YouTube