#i won't talk about something related again in a good while

[claymton]

Anyway again, I don't enjoy touching the topic but if my cough other post didn't get the message across I'll say it directly

Do not follow me (or even better yet. Just Block me) if you're aroused by or create fictional pedophilic content. It's not that I believe every single person who does this is a real pedo as a worrying amount of the people who create said content are children themselves, but I cannot help but feel great distrust and disgust towards you. leave me alone

[feroluce]

When Al Haitham dreams, it's in shades of sandy blonde and red, metallic gold and feather-blue. His nightmares are colored much the same.

Kaveh leisurely strolls ahead of him, shoes leaving deep treads in the soft desert sand. He keeps a careful distance, arms length, and in return Al Haitham keeps an eye on him, the other man's back dead center in his sights.

He curses the sand in his boots and the long line of footprints he steps into, already the exact shape of the soles of his shoes.

They aren't lost. Al Haitham knows where they are. They've been here before. They are still here.

Kaveh doesn't watch their feet. His head is constantly tipped back with his eyes on the stars and their constellations (of which Al Haitham only knows two, Vultur Volans and Paradisaea). He'll walk right into a cactus like that. Al Haitham yells ahead for him to watch where he's going.

Kaveh reaches up to touch the side of his head in a strange motion, but otherwise there's no acknowledgement. They press on into the dark of night.

Something squelches beneath Al Haitham's boot.

It stops him short, pulls his attention like a magnet and as much as he wants to, he can't ignore it. He doesn't want to lose any more ground. But something won't let him move on. Al Haitham watches as red seeps into the golden sand, spills beyond the border of his bootprint until he slides his foot aside.

It's an ear.

It's a human ear, and there's a heavy earring attached, metallic gold, gems red and green, a familiar shape, a familiar shade-

Al Haitham opens his mouth to yell. Chokes. Swallows the lump in his throat as he quickly restarts his pace. Tries again.

"Hey!"

Another squelch under a hurried footstep. He doesn't stop to look. Al Haitham is pretty sure he knows what it is.

"Kaveh, hey!"

The path becomes littered, little slices and small pieces, fingertips and knuckles, Kaveh's arms once held casually behind his back now strewn along the sands. Every time Al Haitham extends his hand to him, reality warps and bends like the twisted image in a broken mirror, lines mismatched and edges jagged. Kaveh flits just beyond his grasp, fleeting fae, no longer able to hear him or to reach out to him. Al Haitham can only grit his teeth and follow.

His right foot marches forward. His left follows. His right again. His left suddenly doesn't follow, and Al Haitham is thrown off balance and pitches forward, swinging his arms outward to land on his palms and keep his face off the ground, because he's been in the desert enough times to know what a foot suddenly being stuck can mean.

Quicksand.

Al Haitham curses and swears in just about every language he knows as he tries to spread his weight as evenly as possible, stay afloat at the top of it because if he sinks, he knows he'll be done for, and shit, Kaveh.

His neck cranes uncomfortably in his search, Kaveh had only been a few feet in front of him, he can't be sunk much further, and he's in the desert much more often than Al Haitham anyway, he'll be familiar with what to do-

Kaveh stands in front of him, empty sleeves fluttering loose. Still just out of his grasp, still watching the stars. The quicksand is already up to his calves.

"Say, Al Haitham..." It's the first he's spoken this whole time. His voice resonates somewhere deeply nostalgic in Al Haitham's chest, produces a ripple that momentarily stuns his heart.

Kaveh is sinking.

Al Haitham stretches out on his belly as far as he's able, it's quickly up to his knees, Kaveh isn't even trying to redistribute his weight or pull himself out, it's at his thighs, Al Haitham sucks in a breath and yells for him, his hips, yells louder, his waist, Al Haitham's trembling fingertips can almost reach, his chest, Kaveh drops level with him, quicksand about his neck like a noose.

Kaveh's head tips back, back, impossibly far back, until it hangs, angle awkward, and he's looking right past Al Haitham with his tired smile and gouged, blinded sockets full of starlight.

"Do you believe in karma?"

The quicksand swallows him entirely and Al Haitham dives, shoves his arms deep and pushes off with the one foot he'd had left on safe ground, because he can't, he can't, it's not the same without Kaveh, not anymore, he needs him, no one else keeps him sharp, no one else challenges him like Kaveh, if he can just grab him, if he can just pull him back up-

Al Haitham thrashes, against the sands, against gravity, against the hardwood of his bedroom floor. Clumsily scrubs the back of his hand across his face to rub the grit of quicksand and sleep out of his eyes.

Sometimes he thinks he preferred it when the Akasha was still harvesting his dreams.

He pops his head out from under his weighted blanket and lays where he'd fallen out of bed for a moment, blinking blearily against the lamplight shining from his desk in the corner. Deep breaths. His consciousness shifts along the blurred line of nightmare and reality, crosses over the slow transition into wakeful awareness.

He's home, Kaveh is home. It's dark out. The house is dead silent.

He's just going to go check, he tells himself as he peels himself out of his sweat-soaked shirt and roots around for a replacement. He's already losing memories of his nightmare, the details spilling away from him like wet ink, but he knows he needs to see Kaveh. It'll feel better to do something, anything, than try to go straight back to sleep.

He's quiet when he slips out of his bedroom door, because they both keep late hours but their bedrooms are right next to each other, and Al Haitham will never hear the end of it if he wakes his roommate up.

Lights off, door shut. Nothing conclusive. He moves out to the main room.

Kaveh sits on one of those ridiculous sofas he'd ordered three of for some reason, back to him as he tucks a lock of hair behind his ear. A mostly-empty wine bottle stands tall on the table, next to the cobbled-together remains of an architectural model that's been picked and fussed over for four days straight now.

"Kaveh? What are you doing?"

This earns him an exaggerated startle, but Kaveh doesn't turn to look at him, preoccupied with whatever new sketch or blueprint he probably has in his hands. "Ohhh, nothing," he slurs cheerfully. "Just working. Just thinking."

Kaveh has always been the world's chattiest drinker. Al Haitham waits for the rest of it.

"Say, I think...I think I asked you this years ago, back then, but you never answered me." Al Haitham feels all the blood drain from his face in ominous familiarity, drip cold down the length of his spine. Kaveh sinks into the couch until he can tip his head over the back of it, looking up at him with a tired smile and exhausted eyes.

"Do you believe in karma?"

[hiddenreamers]

Worlds Collide - Lando Norris x neuropsychologist!Reader

SUMMARY: You're a fresh neuropsychologist who is internet-famous for making entertaining and educational videos about anything psychology-related. Lando and you meet for the first time when the two of you are invited to do an episode on a podcast where people from very different professions sit down together and talk about their lives. Considering the instant chemistry, the fans aren't exactly surprised when the dating rumours emerge...

worldscollide_pod tagged landonorris and yn_thebrainiac in a post:

What do a neuropsychologist and a Formula 1 driver have in common? 🧠🏎️ We don't know either! So we invited landonorris and yn_thebrainiac to tell us about their lives.

Listen to Worlds Collide wherever you get your podcasts or watch the episode on our YouTube channel. You can suggest and vote on show guests on our Patron page.

Comments:

user1: i'd say they have brain injury in common??

user2: not the crossover episode we wanted but the one we needed

user3: he's driving fast, she's a failed med student, what's interesting about that?

↳ user4: omg please be a joke 😭 or a ragebait ↳ user5: user3 do you realize how much time and effort it takes to be either a f1 driver or a neuropsychologist? ↳ user5: high school dropout ass comment

landonorris: can't wait!

↳ yn_thebrainiac: looking forward to meeting you ❤️ liked by landonorris

user6: he called a rectangle a circle and she uses Latin names for brain parts like it's common knowledge. Truly a collision of worlds lmao

user7: these two in one room?? feels like a fever dream

↳ user8: more like a new Barbie movie

worldscollide_pod tagged landonorris and yn_thebrainiac in a post:

This week on Worlds Collide we have learned that a pit stop is kinda like a therapy appointment, helmets are humanity's best invention and waffles are to your brain what fuel is to a car.

Huge thanks to landonorris and yn_thebrainiac for giving us insight into their exceptional careers as well as two hours of good laughs!

Listen to Worlds Collide wherever you get your podcasts or watch the episode on our YouTube channel. You can suggest and vote on show guests on our Patron page.

Comments:

user9: yn_thebrainiac is the only person to get excited over brain injuries

↳ user10: and landonorris is the only person to make heart eyes while someone is talking about brain injuries

user11: when yn_thebrainiac was explaining her job and said to Lando he should hope he never has to be examined by her he looked so defeated 😭😭 truly a wet cat

↳ user12: and the "I guess I won't wear a helmet anymore"?? bro is down bad from the start

yn_thebrainiac: thank you for the opportunity! landonorris it was great meeting you ❤️ hope to see you again soon liked by landonorris and worldscollide_pod

↳ landonorris: just let me know when and where 🏃‍♂️🏃‍♂️

user13: landonorris is that guy who suddenly becomes a comedian whenever a pretty girl is around

↳ user14: but it DID work on yn_thebrainiac 😭😭😭

user15: not yn_thebrainiac answering questions like it's a presidential debate and Lando going idk man I just drive

user16: Lando asking the hosts to repeat the question because he was too focused on yn_thebrainiac? man's not beating the simp allegations anytime soon

user17: that whole episode felt more like a date than a talk show liked by worldscollide_pod

↳ worldscollide_pod: were we more wingmen or a third wheel?

user18: the way both of them were invested in each other's stories made me realize how utterly single I am

↳ user19: when yn_thebrainiac said it's a force of habit to ask how something made him feel and then Lando casually asking her the same thing??? delete Tinder, no dating app will get you a man like this

user20: can I just say how surprised I am with Lando's thoughtfulness? Like when yn_thebrainiac said she's scared to drive after examining an accident victim and he immediately offered to be her driver?

↳ user21: considering the tales of Lando's driving, it will only traumatise her further lol

user22: Lando telling her to continue because he wants to hear the rest of the story when she apologized for getting sidetracked??? 🥺🥺 mom, I want this one!!!!!

user23: they just met and they have more chemistry than some couples who have been married for decades

↳ user24: if Lando was staring at me the way he's staring at yn_thebrainiac I'd be radioactive 📛☢️ ↳ user25: no but really girlies if he doesn't look at you the way Lando's looking at her, he's not the one 🏃‍♀️‍➡️❌

user26: now I kinda want yn_thebrainiac to take up Lando on his offer to test his cognitive skills

↳ user27: if they're in the same room he's going to fail every attention task

user28: Lando's dolphin ass giggle would make you think yn_thebrainiac is the funniest person on Earth

↳ user29: he's just a girl 🎀🎀

user30: I became a fan the moment yn_thebrainiac said "imagine your head is a hairy watermelon with a ball of jello inside"

↳ user31: as a med student I can tell you that it's pretty accurate

gossipgirl_f1 just posted a picture:

🚨🚨🚨McLaren's most eligible bachelor landonorris not eligible anymore? 🚨🚨🚨The driver has been spotted in Japan getting comfortable with an unnamed girl.

user32: didn't yn_thebrainiac post she's there too?

↳ user33: oh god please let it be real ↳ user34: it's definitely her

user35: people out there living my dreams 🥲

user36: why do yall even care?? he's a grown ass man, grow tf up

↳ user37: and yet here you are commenting 😴😴 like what are YOU doing at the devils sacrament?

user38: where's the FBI when you need them we have to knowww

↳ user39: that's yn_thebrainiac she had the exact same outfit in the story she posted earlier

user40: come look girl user41 someones stealing your man

↳ user41: aw hell naw she better know how to fight ↳ user42: wow the delulu is strong with this one

user43: look what yall did worldscollide_pod liked by worldscollide_pod

↳ user43: i guess that's a confirmation huh

landonorris tagged yn_thebrainiac in a post:

Japan treated us nice but she treats me nicer 🌸🇯🇵

Comments:

user44: so they met and fell in love because they were randomly invited to do a random episode of a random podcast? and people still say God ain't real smdh

↳ user45: they better not forget to invite worldscollide_pod to their wedding

user46: guess he'll fuck anyone, when's my turn?

↳ user47: probably never, considering you're no one rather than anyone💁‍♀️💁‍♀️

oscarpiastri: yes, they are as annoyingly in love as they look

↳ landonorris: woww and here I thought we were best friends ↳ landonorris: so rude ↳ oscarpiastri: I have group chat screenshots ↳ landonorris: you're my bestest friend Oscar and you're too nice to ever do this to me 🥰 ↳ maxverstappen1: we all have screenshots ↳ georgerussell63: you're cooked mate ↳ landonorris: 🥲🥲

user48: I would sacrifice my firstborn for this 😭😭

user49: I'm not sure who I am more jealous of

↳ user50: both

user51: they look so good together wtf

user52: worldscollide_pod you guys need to fix your post, what neuropsychologist and a f1 driver have in common is a marriage certificate

user53: ok real question how did he pull her??

↳ user54: he's a millionaire he doesn't have to do anything lol women's ideal type is a loaded wallet ↳ user55: bold of you to assume someone like her needs a walking piggy bank

yn_thebrainiac tagged landonorris in a post:

Hey, did you know that it was a Japanese scholar, Hiroshi Kojima, who popularized phenomenological ontology? He proposed that the dichotomy of individuality vs consciousness could be solved by treating the body as a half-way point between those two concepts. In essence, Kojima suggested considering the body as being seen both from the inside and the outside, now focusing on the intersubjective encounters as part of what constitutes the human being in the context of ontology.

Ps. He promised to wear his helmet! 🌼💖

Comments:

user56: she's everything, he's just Ken😌💅liked by landonorris

↳ georgerussell63: facts

user57: I bet the pillow talk is baffling

↳ landonorris: nah she's too tired for that ↳ user58: 💀💀 bro you didn't have to do her like that

user59: if he breaks your heart I promise to shake his head real hard, repeatedly 🥰🥰

user60: 😬😬 do they not make them pretty anymore?

↳ user61: fr she doesn't deserve him 😐 sad ↳ user62: this relationship feels like a social experiment like what do you mean he chose HER???? Lando Norris settling for a 2/10 is not the news I wanted to read today ↳ user63: wow no wonder yall dads left 😭 she's a normal looking woman, did porn rot your peanut brains completely? go outside and interact with regular, non-photoshopped people and then come back

user64: they have nothing in common and yet they fit perfectly how?? i feel like I'm having a strokee

user65: diagnostic process videos bout to get lit now that there's a volunteer to draw clocks and memorize strings of random words

user66: why do they look like a disney movie couple

↳ maxverstappen1: he may or may not have called her princess on more than one occasion ↳ landonorris: you guys promised 🥲 ↳ oscarpiastri: no, we promised not to post the screenshots ↳ yn_thebrainiac: you mean the screenshots georgerussell63 just sent me? ↳ landonorris: good talk everyone I'll just go die of embarrassment if you don't mind ↳ yn_thebrainiac: I thought the things you said about me were kind of cute ↳ landonorris: nvm I'm back to life

[scourgeofmyownbrain]

Now, I just want to start by saying I love BabBee and Dadimus. I do, 10/10 would enjoy again, but I think Y'all are neglecting the comedic and story potential of Bumblebee and Optimus meeting as ✨Adults✨ and still becoming a family.

Imagine with me, if you will, Cybertron ravaged by war. Things have fallen to shit. Megatron has been dragging these divorce proceedings out for years. Bumblebee was born around the beginning, give or take a few years, I don't care about specifics. His parents were sadly killed early on in his life due to something war related and Bumblebee has grown up alone. He manages to survive to adulthood, and he joins the Autobots. Bumblebee has been drowning in the consequences of this war since day 1 and he wants to help fix it. If Megatron won't sign the divorce papers then Bumblebee will. Yada Yada Yada Sad Backstory This is so sad, Alexa play The Less I Know The Sexy Back.

Anyhoo, Bumblebee is very good at his job as a scout. Top of the line shit, best of the best, 5 stars would eat here again. He's so good he gets promoted to work directly under Optimus Prime himself. Look at our boy go, we're so proud of him, you get that bag sister. Overtime, Bumblebee manages to become friends with Optimus (and the rest of Team Prime but we're focusing on Optimus rn) and they get pretty close. They're work besties, Bumblebee will make a joke over comms and Optimus will smile and say "I N D E E D, B U M B L E B E E.". Fucking insufferable, the both of them, it's so cute. You know how you can become friends with people twice/half your age when you're working at a hard job? That's what happened here, they've been through the (actual) trenches together, they've bonded.

So at some point, Bumblebee gets seriously injured while under Optimus's command, like some life threatening shit. Whether or not it's voicebox related is universe dependent , so we're not going to specify what happens, but it's serious. Bumblebee survives, obviously, but Optimus feels SO bad about it. Oh the Guilt is strong. When he's visiting Bee, some of this leaks out and Bumblebee tells him that he should not blame himself, Bee is choosing to fight, if he dies while fighting for the good of Cybertron, so be it. Better him than some innocent spark in the future. Plus, Bee only got hurt because of a stupid mistake he made, not anything Optimus did.

Bumblebee says this to try and reassure his friend/superior, but now Optimus feels WORSE. Bumblebee is like half Optimus's age (Bee and Optimus are whatever the Cybertronian equivalent of 20 and 40 are, respectively) and had nothing to do with the start of the war, and he's just as ready to die as Optimus is? And he's blaming himself for his injury? That he only got because Optimus told him to do something? Optimus is NOT going to let that slide, no he's not! Over his dead body! He is not crying in the club rn, what are you talking about.

Optimus has decided Bumblebee can not die now. He has declared, as the 13th Prime, that Bumblebee dying has become illegal and he will do everything in his power to enforce this new Law of The Universe That Should Never Be Broken Ever. Now, whenever the two are on a mission, Optimus tries to protect Bumblebee as best he can. He doesn't want to coddle him, Bumblebee is an adult and Optimus respects that but he'll be damned if he lets Bumblebee get seriously hurt when he could have prevented it. He also starts checking up on him when they're not fighting, asking how his day is going, how a mission went, making sure he see's a medic if he's hurt, making sure he's eating his energon, all that good stuff. Bumblebee is his friend, he's going to make sure he's okay, this is perfectly normal friend behavior. The rest of team prime is doing a similar thing, they all want to make sure Bumblebee is doing okay. Optimus isn't being parental in the slightest, he is being very normal. (Author's note: Optimus and Team Prime are being very Not normal about their emotions. All of them have some level of abandonment issues/lost-a-loved-one-itis and can no longer be normal about people they care about.)

Bumblebee recognizes what Optimus (and the rest of Team Prime) is doing. He knows that Optimus cares for him; he cares for him right back. Bee's not stupid, he knows that he's been getting some special treatment in the form of vaguely parental affection. And you know what? He likes it, a lot. He didn't get any growing up and now he's getting it from a guy he really looks up to, why would he pass this up. Bumblebee tries to return this affection he's being given in any way he can. He makes sure Optimus isn't overworking himself by visiting him while he's working, he makes sure Optimus is eating by inviting him to eat with him, he drags Optimus into the med-bay with him so he see's a medic every once in a while, he tries to make Optimus smile with his dumb jokes and antics, the whole kit and caboodle. Bee sees Optimus as some kind of parental figure, and he's going to make sure his newly acquired pop-pop is okay, just like he's doing for Bee. The Pop-Pop thing was a joke (Kind of). Why is he looking for cybertronian legal papers? That is none of your business, Bee just wants to see them for fun. No he's not drunk, the container of high grade started empty.

Life continues, Optimus (and Team Prime) continues to take care of Bee in his unknowingly parental way and Bumblebee is vibing with his newly acquired dad. It takes a while for anyone to acknowledge the new dynamic, Bumblebee just doesn't explicitly bring it up and Optimus hasn't pulled his head out of his suppressed emotion ass long enough to realize it. And keep in mind that Bumblebee is still an Adult and they are still technically coworkers, they still have a job to do, a war to win. Eventually though, maybe after the Autobots have left Cybertron, Optimus finally processes his emotions and realizes he see's Bee as family.

Optimus: Bumblebee, I care for you deeply, and I've come to see you as family.

Bumblebee: Aw, thank you! I consider you family as well. *Hands OP a data pad* In fact, you adopted me months ago.

Optimus (who did not sign any adoption papers at any time): I did what?

Bumblebee: I forged your signature.

At some point in the future, some guy is being a dick to Optimus, i don't really know what could happen, but Bumblebee steps in to defend Optimus with "That's my dad, you bitch!" and fucking slams the guy and Optimus is just standing there buffering, bc he's still getting used to showing and taking obvious affection and he approches Bee later to ask if he really considers Optimus as his dad. And Bee just kind of stares at him then points at the bumper sticker on OP's chest and says "yes, you idiot, I gave you that sticker for a reason" bc the sticker says "Worlds Best Dad" and it matches the "Worlds Best Son" sticker Bee got for himself and I'm rambling, I'll shut up now.

I made more

i did it again

[wabatle]

𓆩⚝𓆪 How they comfort you — Blue Lock boys

𓆩⚝𓆪 — Featuring: Rin, Sae, Reo, Nagi, Kaiser

𓆩⚝𓆪 — Warnings: this is my first time writing for Kaiser, so I'm sorry if he's ooc!

𓆩⚝𓆪 — Contains: gn!reader, fluff, comfort (obviously)

𓆩⚝𓆪 — A/N: sorry guys, I was sad so I wrote comfort about my favorite sploinkles <3

-ˏˋ⋆ Rin Itoshi

╰┈➤He genuinely does not know what to do, but he wants to help in anyway he can.

╰┈➤He’ll literally do anything you need him to do, whether it be leave you alone or just come hold you to make you feel better.

╰┈➤Don't worry about any chores, like making dinner or cleaning, he'll take over. He simply wants you to relax.

╰┈➤Rin will also hold you close and whisper words of comfort, though he might be embarrassed.

╰┈➤He also would put on a movie or something so you have something else to focus on.

╰┈➤He’ll try to get you to talk about it, although he may come across as pushy. Just remind him.

-ˏˋ⋆ Sae Itoshi

╰┈➤I feel like he's very similar to Rin, but he knows exactly what to do to make you feel better.

╰┈➤He believes that the way to make you feel better is to simply be there, as usually he finds your presence comforting and wants to do the same for you.

╰┈➤Sae would help you forget all about your responsibilities or anything coming up that may cause you stress.

╰┈➤Like Rin, Sae would also hold you close and whisper words of comfort. He would hold your hand and let your head rest on his shoulder until you feel better.

╰┈➤He really wants you to talk about it, to give him some kind of reason to talk about it, but, he'll never pressure you into talking to him.

╰┈➤He’s ready and willing to give you as much time as you need <3

-ˏˋ⋆ Reo Mikage

╰┈➤Reo is legitimately trying not to cry himself, because he absolutely despises seeing you like this, he just wants you to be happy and healthy.

╰┈➤He will literally do anything you ask. Want him to drop everything to come hold you, kiss you, and make you feel better? He will. Want him to go away and give you some alone time? Reluctantly, he will.

╰┈➤Another thing he'll think to do is treat you, to anything you might want. He'll take you out to dinner, buy you some grand cake, anything.

╰┈➤If you want to talk about it, he will listen, and listen so intently. If something work or school related is stressing you out, he'll do whatever he can to get that stress off your shoulders. If someone is bothering you, Reo will destroy their reputation, just give him the word.

-ˏˋ⋆ Seishiro Nagi

╰┈➤I would like to think his first thought is to get your mind off of it by holding you close while you game together.

╰┈➤He’ll cuddle you and ask you about your day, and if you don't want to talk about it, he won't ask again. He'll wait for you to talk to him first.

╰┈➤If you're crying he'll direct his attention to you and hold you. He’ll quietly shush you and stroke your back, being careful when choosing his words.

╰┈➤He would play some kind of game that he knows you like so that way you can have a good time and get your mind off of the problem.

╰┈➤To Nagi, there's no better coping mechanism than distraction and enjoyment.

-ˏˋ⋆ Michael Kaiser

╰┈➤Immediately you're pulled into his lap, or just really close to him, and he’ll hold you there until you feel better. He’s dedicating all of his attention to you, all of his thoughts, everything. He kisses your face and rubs your back, doing whatever you need.

╰┈➤He might get a little pushy when trying to get you to talk about it, but if you're really insistent on him leaving you alone, he will.

╰┈➤If you want some alone time, he’ll be anxiously awaiting the moment when you call him back to you, so he can hold you and kiss your worries away.

╰┈➤For once, he won’t tease you or be his usual cheeky self. He’ll sit with you until you feel like talking, or moving, or anything. He’s genuinely concerned.

𓆩⚝𓆪 — thank you for reading!

𓆩⚝𓆪 — Taglist (ask 2 be added): @mariaace (everyone <3)

𓆩⚝𓆪 — blue lock masterlist || masterlist

[ineffable-romantics]

Some thoughts on why and how I believe Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship would incorporate sex/why I do not read them as wholly asexual:

This is something I've seen the most discourse about in this fandom, and I've had a few thoughts of my own that I really wanted to expand upon in a full meta/character analysis post. I do understand that this can be a contentious topic, so first, let me clarify a few things:

First of all, this is going to be long. Tbh it probably won't be that organized either. I ramble and I'm not very good at editing, so just... you know. Be warned. (*Hi, it's me from 2 days after writing this; I'm really not kidding, it's LONG)

These are all my own thoughts. They might not be hot takes, because recently I've seen more than a few people come to the same conclusions on a lot of these points as I have. But I've also had these notes in my drafts for about a week and a half now, and have been continuously adding to it as things have occurred to me. This post is essentially just somewhere for me to collect the separate but related meta I've been kicking around in my head.

I fully respect anyone who does see and prefer an asexual reading of this relationship. These are my own thoughts and interpretations as someone who is not asexual. I am in the LGBT+ community, so while I do know a few things about the asexuality spectrum, I am by no means an expert.

This is NOT something I expect, need, or even necessarily want the show (or, God forbid, Neil's tumblr ask box) to address. Tonally, it's just not that kind of show. Newt and Anathema's sex scene was very much played for laughs, and it worked for that reason. If the show found a way to address it in a way that was both appropriate for the tone of the show and ultimately satisfying, then great! But there is so much more to this relationship than sex, and I didn't need a kiss to confirm their love, so I certainly don't need a sex scene. As immortal beings (as I assume they'll stay) there is so much of the rest of their lives we'll never get to see. You can headcanon them as asexual and potentially be right. I can headcanon them as not and be equally potentially right. Again, these are just a collection of my own thoughts, because I think the question of sexuality (or lack thereof) is just as interesting a facet of these characters as any other.

Note: Tbh I've been second-guessing this whole post and debated deleting the whole thing several times for being silly or unnecessary, bc I don't want anyone to think that this is the only thing I care about when it comes to this story/characters. But if nothing else, it's inspired me to write in a way that nothing has in a very long time, so I've decided it's worth continuing, if for no other reason than that.

This is going to be a mixed bag of textual reading, subtextual reading, and a full-on reach or two. It's been a while since I've been in an English class, but if my teachers expected me to find a deeper meaning behind blue curtains, you can expect me to read too deeply into the symbolism of a loaded rifle or an ox rib. (This is probably not what my professors had in mind when grading my literary analysis papers but oh well) My point is, if it feels like a reach, I'm as aware of it as you are. I am in no way saying that all (or even any) of my points made were deliberate on the part of Neil or the actors or the writers or the directors. I am no longer the delulu Apple Tree Yard child of my youth, I promise.

If anything said here is in any way offensive or hurtful to anyone in the asexual community, please do not hesitate to message me or comment and let me know exactly what it was. I promise you it is not my intention to do so, and am happy to clarify or outright edit anything that reads that way.

With all that being said, let's talk about why I think Crowley and Aziraphale would absolutely fuck nasty incorporate sex into their relationship.

Note: I am out of practice with essay writing, so I think I'll just go down the bullet points of notes I have been making, and expand on each as best I can

Food

Where better to start than with Aziraphale's introduction to Pleasures Of The Flesh? (Just a heads up, this entire post may feel very Aziraphale-heavy, and with good reason).

This might be the least hot take here. We've all seen the Job minisode. We've all seen That Scene.

Whether this was intentional or not, the symbolism here is off the charts. Eve was tempted by an apple. So why not go a similar route and tempt Aziraphale with another fruit, or cheese, or bread, or literally anything else for his first experience with food? Instead, we go with a huge, glistening slab of fresh meat that he proceeds to absolutely go feral upon, moaning and gasping into his meal while Crowley watches with what definitely doesn't look to be disgust or even satisfaction with a good temptation. There's surprise at the ferocity of Aziraphale's appetite, certainly. But ultimately he looks to be intensely fascinated by it, while the thunder crashes, the music crescendos, and the earth literally shakes around them.

(It's also interesting to note how very little it takes for Crowley to tempt him with the ox rib. One murmured suggestion, a bit of unwavering eye contact, and vavoom Aziraphale immediately meets him in the middle.)

Cut to Aziraphale devouring the rest of the meat with Crowley splayed back on a makeshift bed, drinking wine and continuing to watch him indulge through half-lidded eyes. Outside a thunderstorm rages while they're learning secrets about each other in warm flickering firelight. It's cosy, it's intimate, and if they'd thrown in a bearskin throw blanket, it might as well be a post-coital scene straight out of Game of Thrones.

The next time (chronologically) we see them discuss food is when Aziraphale "tempts" Crowley with oysters in Rome. So Crowley first tempts Aziraphale with meat and then Aziraphale tempts Crowley with what is widely regarded to be an aphrodisiac. Interesting.

And then chronologically after that, the Arrangement begins to form, which has always reeked of a friends with benefits situation. Just to throw that in there.

It's What Humans Do

In the very first episode, we're shown Gabriel's obvious disgust and bewilderment towards Aziraphale eating sushi, calling it "gross matter" and being proud of the fact that he does not sully his body with it. Aziraphale initially tries to defend his own enjoyment in it, before passing it off as something that humans do, as something he simply has to do in order to blend in (which we know very well is not the case).

He does this again in season 2, passing off Nina and Maggie being in love as "something humans do". But it isn't, is it? Angels are beings of love, and can sense it, and understand very well what it is... up to a point. Even romantic love is obviously within their wheelhouse, given what we now know happened between Gabriel and Beelzebub (we'll come back to them).

What the "humans do" that angels wouldn't understand is messy, physical forms of love.

But here's the thing: Aziraphale and Crowley love doing what the humans do. They love drinking, they (or at least Aziraphale) love eating. They love music. Crowley loves driving and sleeping and watching rom-coms and sitcoms. Aziraphale loves reading and doing magic and earning little licenses and certificates for achievement in his various hobbies. They love to playact at being human so much that they've stopped playacting and started building a genuinely human lifestyle for themselves and with each other.

Once together in an unambiguously romantic sense, why do we think they wouldn't also want to explore one of the most prominent, intimate, powerful human expressions of love and desire with each other?

Angels, Demons, & Asexuality

Here's where I really want to clarify that in no way do I mean that sex is necessary for a healthy, fulfilling, and loving romantic relationship, or that the lack of desire for sex makes you any less human. Asexuality is a sexuality as valid and human as any. What I would say is that it is definitely in the human minority compared to allosexuality.

Angels and demons, on the other hand, are predominately asexual. Sexless/genderless unless Making An Effort. (Which, btw, is a concept introduced as early as the original book; why even bring it up as a possibility? Why not keep angels/demons being sexless/asexual as a hard and fast rule, if not to open up the potential for later use? Chekhov's Effort, if you will. And isn't that something that Aziraphale in particular is shown to do time and time again? He makes an effort in French and driving and magic, doesn't he?)

And this is why I don't believe Aziraphale and Crowley necessarily need to be asexual, narratively. There is already a huge amount of ace rep within the angels and demons (and no, not just the horrible ones. Muriel also doesn't "drink the tea" and has no reason or desire thus far to Make An Effort, and there are certainly other angels and demons who aren't horrible like the archangels seem to be who likely wouldn't Make An Effort either).

The central conflict for Aziraphale and Crowley is that they are on their own side, the ones who went native, the ones who are so different in so many ways from their respective hives. It would make sense for them to also break away from traditional angel/demon asexuality.

I say "traditional angel/demon asexuality", because I would also like to note that I would absolutely not rule out demisexuality for either of them. This post is being written to as a response to people who specifically believe that they (like the rest of the angels/demons seem to be) would be sex-averse in a relationship, and that it wouldn't be a factor in their relationship. I could easily read them as demisexual, but I do think there would be no real way of verifying this, because they've never been able to form as close an emotional relationship with anyone else but each other. Certainly not in heaven, and I can't imagine they would be able to form that kind of attachment with any of the humans, who they love and emulate but ultimately regard as the separate species they are. So yes, they could either be allosexual or demisexual, in my opinion.

Then again, now that I think about it, Making An Effort itself could be a great metaphor for demisexuality, since they would be entirely sexless/asexual until they have enough of an emotional connection with someone to consciously manifest otherwise. Since the other angels and demons don't generally form those types of emotional connections with anyone, there hasn't been a precedent for it.

Except...

Brielzebub

We do have a precedent for it now, don't we? Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love. They are a direct foil for Crowley and Aziraphale's relationship, speedrunning right through their courtship and finding their happily ever after on the other side of things.

For being such a 1 to 1 comparison, it feels deliberate that they did not kiss. They held hands, they were gooey with each other, but they did not kiss. That feels like such a deliberate thing to omit when you know what's to come at the end of the episode between Crowley and Aziraphale.

And going back to the food = sex metaphor for a moment, let's notice how even as they fell in love over the years, even when pints and crisps were there on the table in front of them, they never felt the desire to reach out for them. They didn't need to. It's a date (love story) even if you aren't eating dinner (sleeping together).

Yes, I know Jim liked hot chocolate. No, I am not counting it because I don't consider Jim and Gabriel to be the same person with the same proclivities, and Jim was highly suggestible at the time anyway.

Gabriel and Brielzebub's big happily ever after moment (as of now) was one between two asexual supernatural beings. They did not need to kiss to drive the point home. They showed what Crowley and Aziraphale could have, if they would only acknowledge it.

Crowley & Aziraphale's Dissatisfaction

But they do have that already, don't they? If you really think about it, what do Gabriel and Beelzebub do with each other that Crowley and Aziraphale don't already? They hold hands, they spend time together, they create little rituals, they give gifts, they're visibly and verbally affectionate with each other, etc. They are more or less already in a romantic asexual marriage relationship with each other, aren't they?

And it doesn't seem to be enough for either of them.

At the beginning of the season, Crowley is immediately shown to be unsatisfied with the way things are. Obviously part of it comes from living in his car, but it seems to be more than that (especially since Aziraphale makes it clear that the bookshop is just as much Crowley's as his, implying that he could have been living there the whole time and is choosing not to, for some reason?). You could argue he's feeling unmoored without Hell telling him what to do, but isn't that what he wanted? Isn't that what he still wants, by the end of the season? All season long, he's never indicated the desire for a new job, or a new project. He stopped the apocalypse because he wanted the freedom to openly spend time with Aziraphale, to spend his time on Earth however he sees fit. Until Gabriel arrives, he has exactly that (minus a flat).

So where does the dissatisfaction come from? And if it represents anything to do with his relationship, what does he want out of it that he isn't getting already?

I think Crowley only really comes to the realisation of what he's missing when Nina names it for him, not only putting them in the category of romantic, but physical (outright asking if they are sleeping together). These two posts [1], [2] go into more detail about what I mean, but I think it really pushes him into acknowledging that their relationship is more human than either of them have stopped to consider, and what that might mean as far as everything a human relationship can entail.

After all, Nina and Maggie only advised that he should talk to Aziraphale, make clear his feelings. The decision to kiss him, to tip them over the edge from nonphysical to physical, that was all him. And no, kissing isn't sex, but I wonder how taboo even that might be in the kind of all-encompassing asexuality most angels seem to identify with. (If they're disgusted by food and drink, I can only imagine what they think of snogging, much less sex.)

Aziraphale doesn't have this moment of someone observing their relationship from the outside. He loves Crowley, and as of 1941 probably even knows he's in love with him in a way that Crowley doesn't understand yet. Which makes sense, since love is technically his job, he'd be more likely to recognise it for what it is.

However, Aziraphale's reference for romance and relationships is Jane Austen. It's chaste. It's dancing and dinner and doing sweet things for each other and roses and candles and handholding. He contextualises his love for Crowley in that soft fantasy sort of way, where it's there, it's obviously there, but it's neat and easy and unspoken. Not to quote Glee in this, the year of our lord 2023, but it's all very "the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets".

Someone should tell that to Aziraphale's face, then.

I'm not going to pretend I know what Michael Sheen's script notes were, but there were definitely some Choices™ made. Because yes, there were plenty of moments in both seasons with Aziraphale looking at Crowley in a sweet, loving, smitten way. And then there were moments that were yearning.

But yearning for what, exactly? All of those sappy Jane Austen tropes already apply to the two of them. So why are there moments where Aziraphale is looking Crowley up and down like the last eclair in the window and licking his lips and visibly exhaling like he's trying to get in control of himself (see: Bastille scene + Crowley telling Muriel to ask him if they have any other questions about love)? Why is Aziraphale not only unconcerned when Crowley shoves him bodily up against a wall in s1, but staring at his lips and a beat too late in noticing Sister Mary's arrival? Why are some of his lines so suggestive? I'm sorry, but the car ride after the church explosion might as well have been the beginning of a Pizza Man porn with a really weird Blitz theme. If even my mother picked up on that vibe, I can't imagine it wasn't intentional on part of both the dialogue and the delivery.

(This section may feel like more of a reach/joke, but I'm really only 20% joking. These are writers and actors who are EXTREMELY good at their jobs; they know what they were doing here.)

More importantly, I don't think Aziraphale is even aware that there is more to what he wants. He lives in the Jane Austen fantasy and it never even occurs to him that he might be interested in anything further. It never even occurs to him that, as an angel, there is anything further to be interested in in the first place. Until Crowley forces it to occur to him. Just like I believe Nina forced Crowley to confront the idea that romantic love is what he's been feeling all along, I believe Crowley forced Aziraphale to confront the idea that physical intimacy is something he's been wanting, without even realising.

Aziraphale's Hedonism

Expanding on Aziraphale for a moment. We talked about his relationship with food, but we all know that Aziraphale is defined by his love of things that Feel Good.

It isn't just that he and Crowley love human things. Aziraphale loves the best of the best, or at least his version of it. He doesn't just love food, he loves going to fancy restaurants. He doesn't just love clothes, he loves soft, cosy, warm, plush clothes, or shiny, flashy, bougie fashion. He loves the warmth of tea and cocoa, loves getting drunk, and sitting in a comfy chair in the sunlight. He doesn't just experience, he indulges.

Given the emphasis put on things that Aziraphale loves just because they Feel Good, it feels narratively strange to assume that he wouldn't enjoy the feeling of being touched, or that he wouldn't be willing to try it, at least once, with someone he cared very deeply for. And just like the ox rib, I think that once he gets the first taste of things, he would absolutely tip over into complete and utter self-indulgence.

Dancing

I also think that dancing could be construed as a huge metaphor here. After all, we're told flat-out that angels don't Dance. Except one.

I would argue that Aziraphale, in fact, Made An Effort to learn how to Dance. He threw himself into the gavotte with delight (at a Victorian gay club; noted) and worked hard to be good at it. He's chomping at the bit to Dance with Crowley, working up the nerve to ask him with undeniably romantic intent and eagerness. So, angels don't Dance... unless they Make An Effort to do so.

We are told that demons, on the other hand, do Dance, but not well. Makes sense, since they're the ones who would want to encourage a deadly sin like lust, but have as little understanding of human love and physical intimacy as the angels. Crowley, however, is shown to be an excellent dancer at the ball, especially in his compatibility with Aziraphale.

(But Aziraphale WandaVisioned the ball so everyone knew how to dance! Yes, he did. However, the rest of the brainwashing doesn't seem to affect Crowley in any way, and they did actually live through the time period where this sort of dancing was a social norm; I'd be surprised if he never needed to learn. After all, the demons can't spell either, and Crowley is at least functionally literate, as far as we know.)

As of today, it's also been confirmed that when Aziraphale asked Crowley to dance, Crowley replied with "you don't dance." Not "WE don't dance". So going along with the metaphor, Crowley is just now discovering that Dancing is something Aziraphale is interested in at all, much less with him, and not denying that he himself is interested in Dancing. In his defense, I believe he was asleep for a few years while Aziraphale was learning the gavotte, so he wasn't exactly aware of Aziraphale's hot girl summer.

Love Languages

I want to expand on that; Crowley and Aziraphale's compatibility. Specifically in regards to their individual love languages.

We all know Crowley's love language is Acts of Service. I don't think there's any debate there. He loves it, Aziraphale loves it, they're both aware of it, we're all aware of it, God and Satan are aware of it, no surprise there.

You may disagree with me, but I believe Aziraphale's love language is Physical Touch, for a number of reasons. One of which being his aforementioned hedonism. Aziraphale likes things that Feel Good, remember? He likes soft clothes, and well-worn books. Neil himself has said that they like holding hands. And any time he is taken by surprise (Brielzebub getting together, the wave of love in Tadfield, etc.) what is the first thing he does? Reaches out for Crowley. He stops him with a hand to the chest in the pub. He leads him by the hand to the dance floor. He guides him by the waist in the graveyard. He reaches out during the entire Brielzebub scene, whether he can reach Crowley or not. Despite his own turmoil, he grasps at Crowley's back during the kiss.

The one time Crowley reaches out for him (not counting the kiss yet; we'll get there), he is aggressively pushed against a wall (by someone he loves and trusts) with a complete and utter lack of concern (and perhaps some interest, depending on how you read it).

And when he isn't reaching out for anyone, or there isn't anyone to reach out to? Well, he's wringing his own hands together, squeezing his own fingers, as if to find that physical comfort in himself.

So. With that theory in mind, we have Aziraphale (Physical Touch) + Crowley (Acts of Service). Throw in 6000+ years of deep love, cherished companionship, and forcibly repressed longing, and there is a very real potential of this combination resulting in fierce sexual compatibility. Where Aziraphale would want to touch and be touched, to indulge in physical pleasure with someone he adores, in the same the way he indulges in every other fine thing in his life. And where Crowley would want to indulge him in return, to give him everything he wants, and to take pleasure in Aziraphale's pleasure, in the same way he enjoys watching him take joy in food everything else.

So Aziraphale is an angel who is insecure about his own less-than-holy desires, who would want to treat Crowley like a luxury to be touched and cherished and adored. And Crowley is a demon who has, over the millennia, been unhappy about how they've been forced to deny even their friendship with each other, who would want Aziraphale to feel comfortable and safe and encouraged to indulge in earthly delights. That sounds like a stunning recipe for sexual compatibility to me.

"You said 'trust me'" / "And you did"

Just like the Job minisode, the Blitz is RIFE with symbolism (intentional or otherwise). This one will be quick, but I did want to touch on it because I thought it was interesting. Maybe I'm reaching at this point, but I'm assuming you read the tin.

First of all, Crowley not wanting to admit to never firing a gun before; comes off as someone who very much does not want to admit to their crush that they're a virgin ("You must have done this lots of times!" / "Umm.... yyyyyeah.")

(You could make the argument that Aziraphale having a firearms license and a Derringer in a hollowed-out book is symbolic of him not being a virgin while Crowley is. I disagree, for reasons I'll go into later, but it's a valid reading. However, I see it more like keeping a condom in your wallet; it's there in case you need it, but the opportunity has not yet risen no pun intended.)

More importantly, the theme of this entire minisode is trust. We already know they trust each other with their lives against the rest of Heaven, Hell, and the world. But specifically, this is about the importance of having complete trust in your partner in a charged, physically vulnerable, intimate moment, where the only danger is between the two of you.

Aziraphale needs to believe Crowley would never hurt him if he can help it. Crowley needs to trust Aziraphale's unwavering blind faith in him. Frankly, it all feels very symbolic of two people deeply in love losing their respective virginities with each other.

The trick is a success, and they share an intimate candlelit dinner in which they reaffirm their faith in each other. Aziraphale also begins to voice his agreement with Crowley, that maybe Heaven's rules shouldn't have to be as black and white as they are, and that there are benefits to... blurring the lines, shades of grey, wink wink (at which point even my mom was like, whoa guys, this is a family show).

Btw also: Can we all agree how much it looked like Crowley was getting ready to get a lapdance in that one scene? You know the one.

Also also: "Aim for my mouth"? Come on.

The Birds & The Bees

Now that I think of it, there's also something to be said for the fact that Crowley and Aziraphale are both obviously familiar with where babies come from (how they're made and how they're born) while the other angels aren't.

Something something Aziraphale and Crowley fundamentally understand sex and reproduction in a way the other angels (and probably demons) very much do not, nor have any desire to.

Probably not important. Just thought it was worth mentioning.

The Kiss™ & Religious Trauma

The Kiss. Where to even begin?

This has definitely been the hardest one to start, because there is so much going on here that I definitely won't be able to cover it all, and will certainly miss a few things here and there.

Aziraphale's reaction to the kiss afterwards is the most interesting to me. And I don't mean directly after, I don't mean the "I forgive you" part. I mean the way he touches his lips when Crowley is no longer in the room and he no longer needs to save face, when he is completely alone. Had it been directly after the kiss, it would have been rightfully read as horror, or disgust, a shield to discourage further action.

It's not. It isn't just a touch, it's a press. As desperate and angry and unexpected and imperfect as the kiss had been, Aziraphale is pressing it into himself, recreating the feeling as best he can. Beneath all the poor timing and shock and hurt from their fight and fallout, I think it's fair to say that it was something he enjoyed. Something he doesn't think he should enjoy, something that Feels Good that he only allows himself to indulge in when completely alone.

Remember, Aziraphale's idea of love is Jane Austen and gentleness and courtship and fantasy. If he'd ever even considered kissing an option, it might have been gentle pecks, cheek kisses, forehead kiss, hand kisses. Soft, safe, chaste affection.

Crowley's kiss turns all of that on its head. He introduces physical intimacy in a very real, very messy, very human way that I don't think Aziraphale ever even considered could apply to them. Considering what other angels are like and what they look down on, even Aziraphale's Jane Austen fantasies probably would have been considered taboo.

So for their first kiss to be rough and desperate and passionate in the way it was, of course he was confused and in shock. It was deeply physical, and as overwhelming and awful as it was in the moment, it Felt Good. Enough that he grasped at Crowley and kissed back, if only just for a moment, before stopping himself. Enough that he actively pressed it into his lips afterwards, in private, to remember.

I adore how Neil has decided to evolve these characters past the first book/season. More so in this season, Aziraphale and Crowley have both become such interesting allegories for queer people on either side of the spectrum of toxic religion. Aziraphale in particular obviously, because he is the side that so desperately wants to believe, to make a difference, and to unlearn all of the propaganda he's been fed over such a long time. Just like so much of organised religion, there is so much that he is told, time and time again, that he should not want, that he is silly or stupid or outright wrong for wanting. It reminds me so much of the severe Catholic guilt one might feel for wanting/engaging in sex for the first time, and the stigma of being queer layered on top of that.

What is so critical to Aziraphale's character is that he goes on wanting, and more than that, actively pursues. He was convinced to go up against Heaven and Hell and stop all of Armageddon because he wanted to go on listening to music and eating lunch and reading books and enjoying the simple company of the person he cares most deeply for, even if that person is supposed to be the enemy.

All this to say that if angels are as generally asexual/sex-averse as I believe them to be, narratively speaking, it would make sense for Aziraphale to be singular in that regard as well. Mirroring his first experience with food, it would make sense for Crowley to be the one to first introduce this new messy, physical, human dynamic between them, for Aziraphale to hesitate (obviously we are at the Hesitation phase at the moment), and then (eventually) for him to dive in wholeheartedly, to absolutely glut himself on this new thing that Feels Good. It would make sense for his character development to show him overcoming his metaphorical Catholic guilt and pursuing the sexual intimacy most (if not all) of the other angels would scorn.

(I can't help but remember that plot idea Neil described from the unwritten sequel, with Aziraphale in a hotel room trying to watch a full porno by way of the free 2-minute teaser clips so he wasn't technically sinning by paying for it. I so hope this is used in season 3, because gosh, I wonder why Aziraphale would suddenly be so interested in observing human physical intimacy after 6,000 years. Lonely and doing a little surreptitious research there, angel?)

Crowley, on the other hand, is the queer person who has broken free from his toxic religion. He prides himself on being his own person, on their his own side. He doesn't have the hang-ups Aziraphale does. He doesn't worry that he's going to be judged or cast aside for wanting things he's not supposed to. So it only makes sense for him to be the first one to suggest/initiate physical intimacy. It makes sense for him to be the one who "goes too fast" (another fantastic example of this dynamic beginning as early as s1; what is that conversation in the car meant to represent, if not Aziraphale being overwhelmed by the intensity of their relationship, and his fear of succumbing to it when he believes he shouldn't? It's also interesting that this is the first conversation to take place in Soho, just after watching Aziraphale realise he's caught feelings for a demon, with the red glow of lust serving as the backdrop).

Do I think the kiss in and of itself was sexual? No. I think it was a passionate and devastating last-ditch effort on Crowley's part to convey the way he feels for Aziraphale. Not just that he loves him, but that he loves him in the most human way possible. But I do think that the kiss represents how they can move forward from here, and what they might want to explore with each other once they feel free enough to do so.

In Conclusion

I am sure, deep in my bones (unless we are explicitly told otherwise), that this was both of their first kisses no, I'm not counting the gavotte, and that neither of them have ever thought to do anything else physical with the humans while they have been on Earth. Like I said before, they adore the human race and lifestyle in general, but ultimately view them as a separate species altogether, and they seem mostly happy to keep to themselves and each other, unless otherwise necessary. I just can't see either of them being drawn enough to a human to pursue anything close to sex. If Crowley in particular has had anything to do with sex in the context of temptations, I'm positive he would be inciting lust amongst the humans themselves, not involving himself directly. At least not that directly.

So, like every other human experience they've had on Earth, sex is something new that they could explore together, just the two of them, on their own side. A deeply intimate, tangible declaration of their love and everything they've gone through to earn it. A visceral finger to give both Heaven and Hell. A renewed appreciation for their corporations and for each other's. A enjoyable method for immortal beings to simply pass the time in each other's company. A new and exciting way to Feel Good, and all the variations that come with it.

You might agree with this post, or you might not. Whether this is something that is ever addressed or not, it doesn't matter to me. This is a brilliant love story either way, and I genuinely feel so privileged to witness it.

But I just can't find it in myself to imagine, given everything we know about these two characters, that sex isn't an experience they would both consume with wholehearted enthusiasm, curiosity, and profound, ineffable adoration.

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Bonus feature: the very silly notes I made to myself that inspired this post

[teriri-sayes]

Reactions to The Worst's Chapter 394

Brief summary: Cale talks to GoD. Cale receives his rewards for completing the subquest. Cale feels ominous at what Clopeh had done.

==========

I couldn't help but laugh at and feel sorry for GoD at the same time. 😂😂😂

Cale: Are you busy? GoD: Very busy. Cale: How's the GoC these days? GoD: …What did you do? Cale: Haven't you heard from CJS? GoD: They don't tell me anything anymore. Shameless bastards. Don't they even know that they're living so freely because of me? Cale: Okay, I'll send those two to Earth 3 while we're in the game. Also, I'll briefly explained what happened, so listen carefully. GoD: Oh yes! I'm looking forward to it! Cale: Ha. It's not something that will have a big impact on your side of the god realm. But I thought it would be good for you to know. It's nothing much, but just know. Cale: *tells the chaos he did* Alberu and Rosalyn: (Nothing much?) *looks in disbelief* Cale: …And that's what happened. GoD's mirror: *vibrates intensely* GoD: T-T-This crazy bastard! Y-You are really the best! Hahahahaha! I was a genius for choosing you! Hahahahaha! Cale: Are you crazy? *contemplates on breaking the mirror* GoD: Ahem. Cale: Anyway, since I've set up the board, the gods should fight each other according to that. GoD: Ah. Even without that, there's currently a standoff without any progress. There are gods who are increasingly siding with GoC. Because of that, GoB is going crazy and running wild. Also, there is also talk of her stepping down from the position of representative because GoB is not doing her job properly. In addition, since the title of ancient god is not very useful, there's talk of creating a system by appointing new leader-level gods other than the ancient gods throughout the god realm. Btw, I'm one of them- Cale: Stop. The affairs of the god realm are none of my business. I only care about the hunters and the absolute gods. The rest is up to you, the god and demon realms. GoD: You really think so? Cale: What? GoD: Heh. Cale: *feels annoyed and turns off the screen* GoD: Sorry, I won't tease you! Tell me more!

GoD seems to know that every time Cale denies involvement with the gods, he continues to set up flags in becoming involved with them. 😂😂😂

That lore drop about ancient gods though. I thought "ancient god" was just some adjective to call the old gods, but it was actually a title and had some significance. The appointment of new leader-level gods was also a surprise, and the fact that our GoD was included as a candidate... 🤣🤣🤣

After a few months, CJS and Sui were mentioned again. Cale planned to leave the Earth 3 matters to them while he plays the game. And King Zed was mentioned too!

Apparently, when a person was nearing their death, their name would appear on GoD's Death List six months before their death. Included were also details related to their death, such as the time and location of death.

However, Zed's place of death kept changing, so GoD couldn't tell much to Cale. There was also restrictions around it, so GoD said he would have to prepare for it before he could tell Cale the info.

Moving on, Cale got to talk to the System AI upon completing the subquest. He achieved his quest so splendidly that the system rated it as SSS+. He got a potion that he needed to pour on Count Lupe's forehead to restore Lupe's memories.

The System AI was so happy that Cale hit the Transparent Bloods, the Demon Realm, and the God of Chaos all at the same time. So the extra reward Cale got for achieving SSS+ in his quest was just too OP!

Red Hand (Rank: God) -When using the skill, you can make a "judgement" through a "trial with the System" and activate "Red Hand" when you are "permitted". -If you understand that the absolute god of the New World already exists, it will be easier to receive "permission" in the "judgement".

Red Hand was the game's response to game errors, and if you recall, it once tried to kill Cale when he first entered the game. But now, Cale had it as a skill? Since the "absolute god" of New World was the System AI, and it was that very System AI who gave the Red Hand skill to Cale, it meant that Cale could freely get "permission" in using the skill. Cale is becoming god-like even inside the game! 😂😂😂

As Cale smiled, another quest window popped into view. And he froze. [Recovery Rate 99.31% (Time remaining: 23:19)] [Nativity Progress 159%] [Reward Tier Undetermined] “Huh?” Why is the nativity progress over 100%? How is that possible? “Damn.” Clopeh Sekka, what the hell did you do? Cale's heart raced. It was the moment he realized something was coming that he couldn't handle.

It's here! Cale's reaction to Clopeh Sekka's actions! 🤣🤣🤣 Yeah, what the heck did Clopeh do that the birth/nativity progress surpassed 100%? 😂😂😂

Ending Remarks So much happened today. Next chapter would be our poor Cale learning what Clopeh had done (and learning about Sheritt's "betrayal"). 😂 We would probably hear about what happened to Count Lupe too once he wakes up. So Eden's birth should be next week?

[animehideout]

I'm in need of fluff and comfort. Could I please request headcanons for how the JKK guys would comfort an S/0 who is doubting themselves and their abilities.

JJK Men Comforting Their S/O Who's Doubting Themselves

a/n: Hiii anon thank you for this fluff request, I hope you like it and it comforts you 🫶🏻. Sending you warm hugs ✨❤️.

Characters: Choso Kamo / Nanami Kento / Gojo Satoru.

Choso Kamo: Words Of Affirmation.

When you're doubting yourself, you'd avoid talking to him, scared that he might judge you.

So you'd distance yourself from him.

He'd think that he did something wrong.

So he'd do everything in his power to make it up for you.

He'd apologize even though he did nothing wrong.

"Love? Please talk to me! I'm sorry if I made you upset, it won't happen again...I promise"

"No, you didn't do anything wrong Choso, it's just me–I'm just not good enough"

His eyes would widen in shock, you've always been so perfect in his eyes, so you confessing that you're doubting yourself took him by surprise and broke his heart.

A moment of silence would wash over both of you, letting your words sink in.

His wide eyes softened, gently taking your hands in his large palms ensuring a tangible connection.

If you cry, he'd get too emotional and tear up with you.

He'd give you time to speak your heart out, stopping you in between to give you his opinion; mainly telling you that you're amazing.

His words are his tool of comforting.

He'd list out all of your strengths and unique qualities.

"You are stronger than you think you are! You're unique!!"

"You have no idea, love! you always make me a better person, you motivate me to keep on going–"

Each sentence emerged from the bottom of his heart, full of sincerity and love.

"We all face hard times but know that you're capable of everything and anything baby"

His words were crafted to lift up your spirit and they did.

He'd spend the whole night expressing his belief in your skills.

He'd delete your self doubt and replace it with self-confidence, self-love and power.

Nanami Kento: A Good Listener.

It would be when he gets home from work.

His keen awareness would allow him to pick up on the tense atmosphere, the moment he stepped into your shared bedroom.

He'd loosen up his tie, and approach you gently.

He knew that something is wrong, from the way you faked a smile to greet him, and from the way you were curled up like a ball on your bed.

"Honey! you alright? wanna talk about it?".

The bed sinking behind you. His hand carefully rested on your shoulder, squeezing it lightly.

"You know you can tell me anything right?".

Leans in to press soft kisses on your arm, letting you know that he's there for you.

His presence alone, motivated you to vent.

You slowly turned, now facing him.

He opened his arms, signaling for you to get closer and lay in his comfortable embrace while you talk about your feelings.

"I feel like I'm not doing anything right..I always mess up things.. I'm not good enough–" you'd start.

The more you talk, the more he holds you close to his chest.

He'd listen to you attentively, leaning in slightly to catch every word you say.

Nods in understanding and hums.

Creates a safe space for you to let everything unfold without being interrupted or feeling ashamed.

He would ask logical yet thoughtful questions.

Inviting you to share more without making you feel pressured, like asking about what triggered this feelings, how long have you been doubting yourself... Is it related to a past trauma.

He would try to understand every detail.

He would know when and what to ask.

Very considerate and patient.

Adresses every concern with genuine understanding.

Even if your words are scrambled, he'd totally get you.

He'd wait patiently, giving you all the time you need to formulate your sentences and find the right words.

He would be silent when you talk making sure to not interrupt your train of thoughts and express yourself fully.

His careful and considerate nature allows you to feel secure and comforted. Just by listening to what you say, you'd feel loads better.

"I totally understand sweetheart! this is a safe place, you can tell me everything.. I'm all ears"

"we will work on it together, okay?"

Gojo Satoru: Physical Affection.

He'd notice right away how your mood dropped.

You were in a public place, so he would take you somewhere more private so you can be yourself without trying to fake a smile.

Gojo chose the language of touch.

He's always been so physically affectionate with you, so when you're feeling down and in need of comfort he'll double that affection.

Wouldn't leave your side.

He'd know that you're doubting yourself, he always reads you like an open book.

He'd give you a big hug and let you cry or just snuggle in his arms till you calm down.

He'll show you that he loves you the way you are.

His body moves on its own, from holding you close till he squeezes air out of you, to peppering your face with playful kisses, earning giggles from you.

"Here's that beautiful smile again".

He'd give you time to calm down, and gain your confidence back.

"I have faith in you, you're amazing, never forget that...now come here let me kiss you".

Even after he manages to make you feel better, he'd never leave your side, spend the whole day attached to you like a koala.

His arm still wrapped around your shoulder, giving you kisses and headpats every now and then.

Leaning down, to check up on you and make sure you're comfortable.

Boops your nose a lot.

"Are you feeling better now??"

"Whenever you feel down, I'll make sure to lift you up" .

Cracks jokes to make you laugh.

Tickles you a lot.

Wouldn't let go of you till he makes sure you're back all smiley again with no worries at all.

He trusts you a lot, and always makes sure to show you that he's proud of you.

[thebestofoneshots]

Gilded Constellations | (wolfstar x reader)

Series Masterlist | Previous episode

Pairing: Wolfstar x Reader Word Count: 8.2 K Warnings: none Prompt: The Marauders x Vixen parank is finally about to happen.. How will the students react to a school flooded with frogs? This IS a Wolfstar x reader fic, but it's incredibly slow burn. They won't start all dating each other until we're very deep into the story, but I promise the long wait will be worth it. Proofread by lovely @aremuslupinsimp

Chapter 62: Born to be Wild

Wednesday 12th, 1977 - 08:20 AM

“So? You think she’s too hurt?” you asked as you leaned over the Slytherin table. 

“You said she crashed on the floor and rolled a couple of times, yeah?” Solacis asked. He was the one person you knew had a lot of knowledge of owls, so you had gone to him as soon as he appeared at the door. 

“Yeah, she was trying to crash onto me, but I got out of the way.” 

“And she bit you?” 

“But that’s been taken care of,” you said reassuringly. “I’m worried about her, though. She was stunned. I don’t think James used much strength but–” 

“But she’s way smaller than a human,” Solacis nodded. Nieve was still asleep, but she stirred as Solacis extended her wing to check on her. His delicate pale hands were softly touching her feathers when Nox and Regulus arrived at the table. 

“Hey, Vix,” Nox said. He’d heard Prongs calling you that one day and it had stuck. 

Reggie said your name quietly with a nod and sat down beside you. You hadn’t had a proper talk since that day, and something told him that then wouldn’t be a good moment to do it either. “How are you?” 

“Good,” you replied with a genuine smile, he could tell. “You?” 

He smiled, although it seemed like it was hard for him to do it, “Yeah, that too.” 

Nox and Solacis were talking about the owl while you looked at him with a bit of a frown. He cleared his throat and handed you a piece of bread. You knew he was trying to divert the attention from it, he probably couldn’t talk about it there. “I’ll see you later about that homework, yeah?” 

“What homework?” Nox asked, clearly worried he’d forgotten his own.

“Reggie’s gonna help me with something,” you excused and then turned to Solacis. “Is she okay?” 

“She’ll be all right,” he reassured you. “Mix some Boswelia and Chamomile with her food, and keep an eye on her. She’ll be like new in a few days. I think she just took a bad hit, but she won’t be able to fly for a while. So if you need to take a message somewhere I suggest you use your other owl.” 

“Right, will do,” you said with a smile. “Thanks, Sol, I owe you one.” 

“You can pay back by not being so savage next time we play quidditch.” 

“Oh, no, you’d have to pick something else,” you added with a smirk and a wink. 

“Indeed, you have to practise more, Solacis, not get your opponents to go easier on you,” Dorcas said as she sat right in front of them. “Nice to see you, Luv.” 

“Same,” you smiled as you stood. “I better get to my table before I’m called a house traitor.” 

“I think you should just change your robes to green and join us.” 

“I could make room for you in my chambers,” Dorcas offered with a smirk. 

“And have to share a common room with Snivellus? No, thank you!” you joked. Dorcas cackled while the others laughed, even if a little more discreetly. Severus, who wasn’t that far off, threw you an angry look, which you noticed out of the corner of your eye. Even Barty was concealing a smile as Evan told Severus something related to their homework. You smiled and picked Nieve from their table carefully. “Thanks again,” you told Solacis with a smile and walked back to your table with the owl in your hands. 

“How did it go?” Remus asked.

“Great, I know what plants I should feed her… Mind coming with me to the herbology classroom later?” 

“Sure,” he retorted with a smile. “Perhaps after the thing.” 

“What thing?” Asked Marlene as she leaned towards you. 

“Oh, just a thing,” you retorted, making it sound as casual as possible. “Nothing to worry about.” 

“Don’t tell me you’ve gotten yourself involved in another Marauder’s prank? Last time we lost James and Sirius in the game, and we’re playing Slytherin again, we’ll need James! Regulus has been practising since you beat him to the snitch.” 

“I’d never do such a thing,” you said as you looked at Remus, complicity dancing in both gazes. “Quidditch comes first, pranks come later,” you added resolutely.  

“Aye!” James said as he took a bite from his toast. Lily, who was sitting beside him, rolled her eyes and handed him a napkin since he’d gotten crumbs all over his face. 

Breakfast came and went without much more eventualities. Peter didn’t wake up in time but you saved some food for him and handed it over when he caught up with you on your way to charms after you went back to your room to leave Nieve in a small heap of pillows. 

“Thanks, Vixen,” he said as he took out the sandwich from its napkin. “And it’s roast beef with brown sauce!” He said after he gave it a bite. “Brilliant!” 

“No problem,” you said with a simple shrug. 

By the time you arrived at your classroom, the five of you were beaming with the excitement of the imminent prank. Peter had gobbled the last half of his sandwich just before walking inside the classroom. 

“That can’t be good for your health mate,” James said with a frown as he pointed at Peter.

The latter cleared his throat before retorting “Shut up, Prongs!”

“Just looking out for you,” James said as he raised his hands in surrender. “I think you’re going back to nervous eating. You know your mum told me that–” 

“James!” he complained now, motioning to the fact that there were plenty of people around. James didn’t know why it was such an issue for Peter to talk about it but didn’t press further. Peter, on the other hand, hated the idea of talking about his food issues in front of people, especially in front of Sirius and Remus who seemed to be so fit without putting any effort into it –according to him.  Sirius literally did quidditch every morning with you and James. And while Remus didn’t do anything special, he did do a freaking intense amount of exercise whenever he was a wolf, not to mention he often took walks around the school when he wanted to be alone. 

“Sorry, sorry,” James retorted. “We’ll talk about it later.” 

Peter tried not to roll his eyes as he rushed inside the classroom. 

Professor Flitwick was already inside the classroom, standing at his little podium like he often would during classes, you smiled and nodded his way as you walked inside along with the boys. As you were walking to sit next to Remus (as you usually did on Charms), Lily pulled you from her spot near the front and had you sit beside her. 

“You’re not going anywhere,” she told you as you fell onto the chair. Remus threw you a questioning look and you shrugged in response. When Sirius realised Remus wouldn’t be sitting with you, he went straight to take your normal spot and sent you a daring sort of gaze, as if to show off the fact that he was sitting next to Rem instead of you. 

“Are you even listening to me?” Lily asked as she shook you by the shoulder.

“Yes, sorry,” you replied as you turned to her, “you said we had to hand in an essay today but you totally forgot about it.” 

“And you forgot it too, you dumbass, I’ve checked your notes,” she said as she pointed at the pile of papers you had now left on the table, including a few scrolls and a notebook, the essay was nowhere in sight. 

“I didn’t forget,” you said with a smile. 

“Well it’s not here either,” she said as she moved your papers around again. 

“No, I just didn’t do it.” 

“You what?” she asked in shock. You had been in study club since the start, and you had always handed in your homework on time. In fact, she thought you were as dedicated as her, if perhaps a little more relaxed. 

You smirked. “You really shouldn’t worry so much. For one, I’m sure Flitwick would forgive and forget if one of his favourite students forgot to bring their homework. Two, I have the feeling everyone’s gonna forget about the homework in a few minutes.” 

“Oh no, the toads,” she whispered, the grip on her wand tightened. “You know, I blame you for forgetting it, I spent all of last night looking up spells in case of an emergency.” 

“Oh, that’s so not on me,” you retorted with a smile. 

“Welcome, welcome,” Flitwick said, voice slightly louder than it had been previously. “I hope you all had an excellent Christmas break…” 

You tried not to think too much of your Christmas break, although there had definitely been some a few –although very few– things that you would have considered excellent from the tumultuous time the past few weeks had been for you. 

“… today we’re going to be looking at complex charms combinations. Does anybody know what charm combining consists of?” 

Lily and Remus raised their hands. You would have raised yours as well but decided to let either of them answer instead. 

“Miss Evans,” Flitwick said as he pointed at her with his wand. 

“Combining spells consists of taking the main properties of two or more spells and weaving them together to create a new spell that either does both things or something slightly different.” 

“And what’s a good example?” 

Lily frowned and licked her lips as she thought of an answer, and then she smiled. “Lumus Solem,” she said. “It combined the brightness of Lumus with the heat and rays of the sun. If done without care it can be extremely dangerous due to radiation.” 

Flitwick smiled, seemingly satisfied at her answer. “Precisely–” he started but got interrupted by a boy who raised her hand and spoke before being indicated. 

“Can Lumus really be dangerous?” he asked. 

“Certain variations of the spell definitely can. A potent enough Lumos could blind you either temporarily or permanently. Lumos Solem, has been used as a torture device in the past as well. Long exposure has been known not only to cause severe dehydration but even grade 3 sunburns–” 

Flitwick was interrupted yet again, this time by a girl’s shriek You turned to the source of the scream with the most surprised face you could pull off. 

“What’s with this fuss?” he asked in a rather stern tone. Flitwick didn’t get angry very often, but he’d gotten interrupted twice already and he really didn’t appreciate being interrupted.

“Toads, Professor,” replied the same boy from before. 

“Excuse me?” 

“There are many of them,” added another girl who was moving her feet out of the way. The students in the back had were already getting on their seats. 

“Please sit down,” the small professor said as he shook his head in exasperation. From his position, he couldn’t quite see the tsunami of toads that was about to reach him. Besides, he quite liked toads, after all, he was planning to reopen the Frog Choir that had been lost after 1959 when Professor Marcus Bonnknott passed away. 

Filius had only heard them play a few times during his first and second years in Hogwarts, and he was very upset when the choir died along with Marcus, who he thought was fascinating. It was in fact, because of said professor that he had gotten himself into music after graduating and before being offered the Charms Teacher position by Dombuldore in the early 70s. 

But neither of the students seemed to listen, which obviously exasperated him and forced him to walk down from his podium only to see a small toad jumping his way. He leaned down and picked it up carefully. “Is this little guy the one causing you to leave your seats so hastily?” 

“No, Professor,” said Imgoen as she shook her head. “It’s the amount of them.” 

By then both you and Lily had gotten over your seats and were currently sitting on the table. What could only be described as a herd of toads was approaching the front of the room. The stone floor of the classroom turned green and brown as the toads jumped around, trying to find some space within the now swampy water running from the end of the classroom. 

Lily threw you a look and you just shrugged as you straightened up and looked at the mess you’d created along with the boys. 

“Oh Dear, quite a catastrophe, I see,” said Flitwick as he took his wand out and waved it in the air. With a swish and a flick, about a hundred toads were lifted from the ground and started floating above everyone.

“Ugh… that’s gross,” said a Hufflepuff boy as he nudged one of the toads further from his face using his wand. 

“Please refrain from touching the animals,” Flitwick said as he threw the boy a stern look. 

Another girl had picked a salt shaker from her bag and was diligently throwing it around her. 

“What do you think you’re doing, Miss Griffith?” 

“Salt will make them squirm, I’m keeping them away from me,” she said urgently as she continued, even if none of the frogs seemed to mind. 

“That’s with slugs, you dumbass,” retorted Tom with a cackle. He’d been sitting next to her because after Lily pulled you to sit beside her, the normal sit arrangement had been skewed and his place –next to Beth– had been taken by Marlene. 

“Shut up,” the girl said as she continued throwing salt. 

Peter was laughing as he stared until a toad got on his feet and he shook it off with a short scream as he also got on top of the table.

James, Sirius and Remus were definitely enjoying the absolute chaos as they all stood at their desks, they didn’t even bother to sit on them and looked riddicolously tall in comparison to Flitwick which just made the whole scene all the more amusing.

“Please, calm down,” Flitwick said, as he managed to lift a few more toads into the air. All of them with their small legs extended and looking as confused as you’d imagine a flying toad would. And then another swamp bomb fell to the floor, the water level increased and tons of toads started appearing. “Goodness,” he said as another bomb fell from the other side of the classroom. 

Lily had her wand up in the air as she stared at the toads with a “ready to attack” sort of gaze and you suppressed a smile as some other students were already using protection spells around themselves and keeping them up as the toads walked past the feet of the chairs and table. 

“All right, perhaps we should exit the classroom instead,” he said as he tried to lift some of the toads that had just appeared along with the others. “Please form a careful line and–” 

It was useless, the moment he said they could leave, most students bolted towards the exit like runaway horses, pushing each other while trying to keep themselves as far away as possible from the toads, which was pretty much impossible, since they were all over the floor, not to mention everyone’s pants and socks were now pretty wet with murky water. 

Lily sighed and took out her wand. “Bufonem repelleare,” she said and waved her wand around her shoes, as she placed her feet on the murky water, the toads seemed to form a circle around her, as if avoiding her entirely. 

Beth gasped as she pointed at her, “Lily, come and save me!” She said as she pointed at her feet, which got some other students staring quite impressed at her. 

“Masterful use of spell combination, Miss Evans,” said Flitwick as he pointed at her and continued to move the toads as far away from the students as it was possible for him to do. 

“You’re coming?” Lily asked as she offered you her hand.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got an escape my plan for myself prepared,” you told her with a wink, and as she walked towards Beth you finally got on the table. Your seat was rather close to the windows, and the door was on the other side, which meant you had quite a walk to make before exiting the toadtrap you had created; but you weren’t looking forward to getting your feet wet, let alone your socks, which Lily had taken in as a necessary evil. 

You stood on the chair and then on your table, and from there, you jumped to the table in front of it, the students there were already outside of the classroom, and then you jumped towards the table next to it. The boys, upon seeing what you did, were now imitating you. And they were much faster since they had longer legs. 

By the time you got to the third row of seats, Remus was standing on the desk right in front of yours and Sirius was right next to it. You raised your eyebrows at the boy in front of you and he smiled, placing one hand behind his back and extending the other towards you, “Allow me, my lady,” he said in the noblest of tones. 

You chuckled under your breath as you diverted your gaze to hide the smile you just couldn’t keep away from your lips at this point. He really had read an excessive amount of romance books. 

“Kind Sir,” you said as you took his hand, not because you needed his hand to cross to the other side, but because you wanted to hold his hand. It was a simple gesture and helped you stand right next to him. 

“Oh Moony, you’ll make me jealous,” Sirius teased. “How come she’s getting preferential treatment?” 

It was the smirk on Sirius’ lips that told the both of you that he was just teasing. “It’s all right Puppy, I’ll help you to the other side.” You extended your hand towards him and he used it to jump onto the same table in which the two of you were standing. Now the three of you were stupidly close to each other, not that either of you cared. 

There was a short exchange of glances between the three before Moony jumped to the next table and you followed shortly afterwards. But by the time you extended your hand for Sirius, you felt the table tremble underneath you, even if it was just for a second. You looked around, the feet to try and spot if there was something that was causing it, perhaps a toad that got stuck or something of the sort, but there seemed to be nothing happening down there. Sirius took your hand and jumped towards the two of you, but the second he landed next to you one of the legs gave out, and the three of you plummeted to the floor.

While the toads managed to escape being crushed by any of you three, you did not get away without being completely soaked in the swampy water.  

You groaned, the water hadn’t done much to cushion the fall, and you and Sirius had been the ones to cushion most of it for Remus. 

“Should have come with me,” Lily said as she shook her head and walked towards the door. While you were sore, you still had enough energy to lean your head towards her and pull out your tongue. She shook her head, clearly amused. “Suit yourself.” 

You huffed and then let yourself rest back in the water. What does it matter at this point, it’s already soaked, you thought. A toad jumped closer to you and Sirius scared it away before it reached your fave.

“Sorry,” Remus muttered as he tried to get up since he’d fallen on top of both of you but his hand slipped and he ended up falling over the two again. 

Sirius groaned and you let out a low “uff!”

“Sorry again,” Remus said hurriedly, trying not to think too much of how nice it felt to be that close to you, given the conditions around.  Those being the fact that half of your heads were submerged in murky water and that the frogs now seemed to want to approach you.

“It’s all right, try slower this time,” you told him, offering your hand for some stability, when he finally got up from the floor he realised that most students –and the teacher– had already found a way out of the mess. Once he was up, he helped the both of you stand. 

“They left us?” Sirius asked with a gasp. “We fell, and they left us!” 

“Vixen stuck her tongue out at Lily,” Remus pointed out. “She would have probably waited.” 

“Never mind Evans, It’s Prongs that offends me,” he added with a huff that made you chuckle. 

What neither of you knew was that he had made that table fall and that he had left the three of you at your own luck in retaliation for the bomb that he had left in his pocket and that you had knowingly not warned him about.  But he also thought the three of you could benefit from some time alone, so he was both, taking his revenge, and playing cupid. 

You leaned your arm up towards you, smelled the sleeve of your sweater, and made a slightly disgusted face. “We stink now,” you said as you pulled it as far away from your face as possible. “How about you throw some relashio my way?” 

Remus extended his wand towards you but Sirius was quicker and stopped him, “I’ve got a way better idea than that.” 

“Sirius we’re not swimming on the black lake, I know you’ve wanted to do that all year, but it’s literally snowing out there, it’s a terrible idea.”

“Not that!” Sirius said as he shoved Remus. “It’s a great idea, I promise,” he added with his signature smirk and stepped forward, taking the lead. “Follow me, pretty things.” 

“Did he just–” Remus said as he pointed at Sirius and turned to you.

“Yup,” you said with a nod. “You better get used to it,” you added before nodding your head to the side, inviting him to follow behind Sirius who was already near the door. At least the toads were kind enough to jump out of the way as you walked towards it. 

The hall wasn’t much better either, some classrooms were still figuring their way out and their doors were crammed with people trying to leave, the stone was coated in a rather thin layer of water that only got more and more filled by the minute and everyone was trying to find somewhere safe. 

“What is going on?” Someone shouted, tone laced with desperation as he had to turn to the side when he spotted another tramp of toads coming from the hallway he intended to take. 

While in the world, “all roads lead to Rome” in Hogwarts, “all roads lead to the Great Hall” and you were counting on that to get most students in there, all for the sake of ending the prank with a cherry on top. But some students were already using their brooms and the windows to get out of the buildings and that would ruin the plan. 

“Your idea’ll have to wait,” you told Sirius as you stepped forward. Thankfully just the right person was in sight. “Alex!” You said. “Alex Wood!” 

The Hufflepuff head boy, who was riding his broom flew towards you, “Yeah?” 

“They said we should go to the Great Hall,” you said. “That’s where all the students are going.” 

It was luck, and perhaps your good student reputation, that made Alex nod almost instantly. “I’ll spread the word, thanks!” he added and took off, shouting to everyone on his way to walk towards the Great Hall.

You smiled as you saw him leave towards one side of the hall and you turned to the other, “We have to go to the Great Hall!” you shouted towards everyone and none in particular, “spread the word!” 

The three of you continued walking towards the new direction and kept telling people they had to go, and since people recognized Remus as a Prefect, it was much easier to get them to follow the direction. By the time you reached the Great Hall, there were already other prefects helping everyone walk inside in a much more ordered manner than when they had left their classrooms. Students were walking towards their seats at the table, and the older students were using Lily’s spell to keep the frogs away from the door as everyone tried to walk inside. 

You smiled, looking quite satisfied at the result of your little ruse, and also got in line, but this time Sirius pulled you out of the way. “Follow me, I know a better spot to enjoy the show,” he said with a smile. Remus probably already knew of said spot since he walked next to Sirius as if he too knew the way.

You followed the two of them down a set of stairs –spotting the kitchen entrance– and then a little further inside, where there was a rather large statue of a dragon who moved as if he were breathing. Sirius got up on the small pedestal where the dragon lay and Remus was behind him shortly after, yet again extending his hand for you to follow. You took his hand at once and he pulled you up with ease, not letting go of it even as you were fully there and giving you a reassuring squeeze as Sirius got even closer to the dragon. He crouched and walked inside the crevice left between the tail of the dragon and his head. 

This time around you followed right after him and Remus was close behind. The statue wasn’t really designed to be walked behind, or at least it hadn’t been placed to be walked around, and therefore the spot behind it was slightly darker and a bit colder than the rest of the castle, as if the heating spells didn’t quite reach that spot. 

Then Sirius walked towards a torch holder and pulled on it, a small passage opened underneath the spot where the dragon lay. You smiled and walked down the set of stairs alongside both boys. It was a small room, perhaps something like a broom closet, or a secret hideout for a treasure, but there was nothing inside other than a window that looked remarkably similar to the ones in the great hall but much smaller. 

Sirius approached the window and fumbled with the latch for a few seconds before he managed to flip it open. The bitter cold flew in alongside a few snowflakes and Sirius climbed outside. Remus followed, sitting by the seal, his feet propped to the outside. But just before he jumped he turned to look at you.

You were looking at him from your spot, seeming somewhat hesitant of stepping out. He was about to speak, but Sirius beat him to it, pushing his head under Remus’ arm and leaning it near his ribs with a teasing grin. “You’re not scared, are you, Starshine?” 

“Of course not!” you retorted. “ Just waiting for you boys to open up some space.” Sirius laughed while Remus jumped outside, you got on the seal seconds after. 

Sirius smirked as he turned to Remus, who was wiping some snow from the back of his pants and shaking his head in disapproval, although he was still smiling. Once the three of you were outside, with the bitter cold making your wet clothes all the more uncomfortable, you figured out exactly where you’d be enjoying the spectacle from. 

“You have to be kidding,” you said as you spotted the large windows of the great hall over a few feet of rock.  “Is that where you were on the first day of the year?” you asked as you pointed towards some of the windows.

Sirius nodded in return, “Pretty cool, yeah?” 

“You’re all deranged!” you retorted with an amused smile and walked through the snow and towards one of the windows. The end of the cliff wasn’t so stiff that it would be easy to fall, but if anyone did fall, then it would be nasty.

“Not more than you, Luv,” retorted Remus who was behind you in seconds. 

Sirius had a small, rather proud smirk on his lips as he watched the two of you speed towards the window. “Watch your step, it can be slippery,” he warned. 

“Who's the scared one now?” you asked as you turned to him with a teasing smirk, your hair flowing behind you while some bits of snow from the side of the rocks fell over it.

Once you reached the spot under the window you looked up. It was rather tall. At least a few feet above your head. Sure Sirius and Remus could reach the top by extending their hands, but your fingers barely reached the edge. Narutally, you started jumping to try and get your hands on the seal. Remus caught up with you a few seconds later. “Thought you were a fox, not a rabbit.” 

You huffed, narrowing his eyes at him and turning back to the rocks. There was snow covering them, and you didn’t have your gloves around. Didn’t matter though, you tried to get a hold of one of the rocky edges to climb your way up, but they were stupidly slippery and you ended up slipping towards Sirius who caught you with ease and looked down on your pouty face with a wide smile. 

“Are you done trying to do it by yourself?” he asked. You gave him a mouth twist in return. “Nous sommes une équipe, Starshine, don’t be afraid to ask for help.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead and pushed you to stand straight again. 

You grumbled something intelligible as Sirius climbed his way up using a rather specific rock that they had charmed and that was slightly worn out as support, and once he was up he extended his hand while Remus linked both of his and extended them for you to use as a step on the way up. You hesitated, turning your gaze to the side before placing your foot between Rem’s hands, who pushed upwards and allowed you to reach Sirius’. 

Once your elbows were on the bitter-cold stone of the seal, you managed to push yourself up the rest of the way. Rem used the same rock Sirius had to climb  and in between you and Sirius pulled him the rest of the way up. Not that he needed the help, he would have done fine without it, but neither you nor Sirius would waste a chance to hold him close.

“Shouldn’t we use a disillusionment charm?” you asked as you leaned over the windows to see what was inside. “Shit it’s cold,” you added as you shivered. You’d taken your cloak off at the little room under the dragon but your pants and thick sweater were still pretty wet.

“Nah, they can’t see us,” Sirius said as Remus stood closer to you. He was the least wet of the three, coincidentally, his body heat was always warmer due to his furry little problem. “There are special charms on the windows so that the weather outside matches the one in the enchanted ceiling,” he waved through the window, “we’re virtually invisible.” 

“Neat,” you said as you leaned your head on the window again, most students were now taking their seats. Professor McGonagall was helping some of the students accommodate their tables. Spellman was making sure all the Ravenclaws were all right alongside Flitwick who had been a Ravenclaw when he was a student, and Seraphina was making the Hufflepuffs do the same while forcing them into a neat line and counting through them. 

“Where’s Dumbledore?” you asked with a frown. 

“He is overseeing some plans with the order,” Sirius said. “Moody visited the Potters when we were about to leave for Kingscross. He said there was some urgent ‘Order’ business they had to oversee.” 

“Order? Do you mean The Order of the Phoenix?” 

“The what?” 

“Ugh… never mind I’ll tell you about it later,” you said as you shrugged it off and pointed towards the Great Hall. Slughorn had walked towards the podium and seemed about ready to say something. “I think it’s about to happen,” you said. 

Remus looked at you with a frown, still wondering what that was about before he too turned to look at the window. Slughorn seemed to be calming the students down, by giving some sort of speech. And then a screech so loud, that even the three of you heard, broke through his words. 

“Oh, it is happening,” Sirius said, as he too stepped a little closer. Both boys were now practically glued to you and the window, which was at least helping the cold subdue, even if you still felt like the bottom of your clothes, where gravity had accumulated the water, was slowly freezing as well. Not to mention your back felt a little more cold than it should have. But then again, what was a little cold? You’d had much, much worse. 

The girl jumped backwards as she screamed and fell on the floor as a bunch of toads started appearing from under her table. You saw Lily’s mane look around and fixate her gaze on James, she was clearly expecting the classroom and the rest of the hallway mess to be the end of it.

You chuckled as the toads from her table avoided her and jumped in all sorts of directions and towards the rest of the people. The funniest part was, that the toads were also shunning the entrance because they had used the toad-repelling charm all over it, so the more swamp bombs that exploded, the more frogs without anywhere else to go appeared.

McGonagall pressed her wand to her throat before speaking, loud, clear and in that same tone she used in class that was equally unwinding and terrifying. “Prefects, have your houses form a neat line and walk towards the courtyard. I believe it’s the only spot in the entire school not infested by toads at the present moment.” 

You chuckled, and it wasn’t only after your laughter subdued that you noticed that were not only shivering because of the laughs, but also because of the cold. You sneezed.

“Bless you,” Said Remus almost automatically, and then pressed his hands to your face. “You’re freezing! Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“I said it was cold!” you argued with a shrug and then crossed your arms over yourself. 

“But you said it as a casual comment, not as ‘I’m freezing, let’s use a warming spell’ kind of way,” Sirius retorted.

You hummed in response. “Next time, I’ll make sure to sound extra dramatic when complaining about the cold,” you said sarcastically.

“Yeah, you better,” Sirius said as he jumped down from the little window bannister and nodded for you to do the same. 

It was slightly awkward as you got down, but Sirius was there as you landed and he gave you a thumbs up as you wiped some of the snow that had gotten stuck in front of your trousers. Remus was down shortly after and the three of you walked inside the little room. 

Sirius closed the window as soon as you were inside while Remus started with a simple warming spell. He leaned close to you, his wand slowly spreading heat on your back, causing the already-frozen bits of clothes to melt. 

“Wait, it’s too hot,” you said, taking your sweater off almost in a second. You had a simple turtle neck shirt underneath, and while it wasn’t freezing anymore, it was still pretty wet. 

“I mean you can continue taking your clothes off here, or we can go to that place I’ve been telling you about,” Sirius said with a smirk and both of you turned to him with a frown. 

“Where exactly do you want us to go?” Remus asked.

“You’ll see when I take you,” he retorted as he tilted his head. “I think by now most students will be in the courtyard, what do you say?” 

Remus swallowed, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” 

“All my ideas are great,” he retorted, “Right, Starshine?”

“Some have certainly been,” you retorted. “Besides at this point, anything that gets me off this stinkyness is good.” 

Sirius’ smile widened and he gave you a wink before climbing up the stairs and both you and Remus followed closely behind him. 

It had been a few minutes of you scurrying around the castle while trying to avoid being seen by any lost student, and the toads that were now all over the halls, jumping around freely. 

Remus, who finally recognized the way you were taking gasped, “Sirius are we going to the–”

“Yes, don’t spoil it.” 

Sirius had purposefully taken a tricky way there so neither of you realized where it was you were heading but Remus had figured it out anyway. You had a vague idea of where that might be but you weren’t sure, and you had never been there either, so even if it was where you thought it would be it was still a surprise. 

You looked over a corner you were about to cross and instantly pulled back, grabbing onto Sirius’ shirt to stop him from stepping any further. You placed your hand over your lips and nodded. He looked at you with a frown, and you pointed at the corner. 

Sr. Pendragon’s ghost was there, up in his horse and patrolling like the hallway was his own, even when his horse seemed to be much more entertained by the toads. He was comically jumping around while trying to avoid them (it didn’t seem to matter that being a ghost, he couldn’t touch them).

Sirius nodded as soon as he spotted him and took out his wand, but Moony beat the both of you by sending a spell towards one of the portraits on the other side of the hallway. The old man in the portrait started shouting silly complaints and screaming something about the toads attacking him. 

“To the rescue!” Said Sir. Pendragon as he pulled on his horse’s reins to force him to move. Said horse was not cooperating, and it was while he was distracted by them that you cast a disillusionment charm over the three of you and continued to follow Sirius through the halls. 

Skipping through the toads was much harder with the disillusionment charm because they wouldn’t immediately jump out of the way as they spotted you, but it wasn’t impossible. They seemed to have a sort of sixth sense to not be squashed, even if it took a little longer for it to kick off than sight. 

It was when you spotted the large frog in the corner of Ricchie’s “make-out room” that you figured out where Sirius was taking you as well. “How are you planning to get in?” You whispered as you pointed towards the door.

“Easy, we have our own Perfect, he knows the passwords,” Sirius said with a smirk. 

Remus tried not to roll his eyes as the three of you approached the doors, he cleared his throat before leaning into one of the corners of the door. “Whispering Woods,” he said, low so nobody beside you would hear, and the doors split open right in front of the three of you.

You didn’t waste time before walking inside, since you didn’t want to risk anyone noticing the three of you were sneaking into the “only prefects” bathroom, even with the disillusionment charm. You were still looking at the hall as you rushed to the door to shut right ahead of you. Some magic doors were faster if you gave them a little push, which was always a good trick when you were sneaking around. 

Once you made sure they were shut you sighed and turned around, only to gasp in shock. It’s not that you hadn’t heard about the Prefect’s Bathroom being grand and elegant, but you were expecting spacious shower stands and perhaps even a nice toilet, not a bathtub the size of a pool.

“I know, right?” Sirius said with a smile and started walking towards the tub, flicking his wand to dissolve the disillusionment charm and opening the faucet in the side. Colourful water started streaming out of the centre, filling the pool with bubbly water. A stained glass mermaid was combing her hair just behind the tub, and she had a sort of mischievous smile going on as she spotted Sirius. 

“I’m going to start thinking you have a water kink or something,” you joked as you followed him, your eyes getting lost on the mermaid before turning back to him. She didn’t look exactly like the mermaids at Lupin’s Cottage, which made you think she probably was from a different species. 

Her nose was slightly longer, and she was looking at the three of you in a sweet, and yet sort of like ‘I’d want to eat you’ glance. 

“Don’t worry about her, she can’t even talk,” Remus when he noticed your staring. 

“Yeah?” you asked with a frown. “Why?” 

“Mermaid portraits can be very temperamental, that’s why wizards rarely use the special brushes that make them talk,” Sirius explained as he threw a wink her way. You’d swear she blushed after that.

“Did you ever read ‘Siren’?” Remus asked, and you shook your head in response. “It’s about an artist that really wanted to paint a mermaid,” he explained. “And he did it, exceptionally well, so well that the portrait even had some of those enchanting abilities mermaids have. He talked to her every single day, she convinced him to put her in the bathroom since she would feel closer to home, and he would see her every single time he bathed.” 

“Yeah?” Sirius asked with a smile as he continued to play with the faucets. Now there was a small fish statue blowing soap bubbles all over the place. “Sounds awkward…” 

“It was,” Remus confirmed. “But she was clever and knew how to make him feel at ease. More time passed and they grew used to each other, until that wasn’t enough for her either, she ended up convincing him to drown in his tub so he could be with her.” 

“Damn,” you said as you looked back up at the mermaid. She was still giving you that same curious look. “I can definitely see it happening, though…” 

“A man falling for the portrait of a beautiful mermaid?” Sirius asked, clearly amused.

“A portrait being more powerful than they originally thought,” you said, not keeping your eyes away from the stained glass window. “Enchanted items can be as delightful as deceitful. There are plenty of stories of wizards who’ve gone mad over a portrait.” 

“I think the water is ready,” Sirius said as he dipped his hand in the marbled pool.

“Yeah?” You asked as you leaned closer to it, leaning over and also digging your hand in the water. 

“Mhm,” he nodded and then turned to Remus with a sort of mischievous look in his eyes. The way they shone told Remus enough about his plan for him to know what a terrific idea it was. “Pourquoi ne l’essaies-tu pas, Étoile?” 

You didn’t even have enough time to turn around and ask what he was going on about when he picked you up from the floor and threw you into the water, the splashing from your fall was enough to leave the two of them wet and filled with bubbles. 

By the time you resurfaced –not that it was very deep– both boys were shaking with laughter, their voices echoing through the bathroom in such a compelling way that you couldn’t even stay mad at them for it. That didn’t mean you wouldn’t retaliate. You looked at them both with a sort of saddened pout that had Remus lose his laughter as fast as he’d found it.

“I think I sprained my hand as I fell,” you said as you took your hand out of the water, “It’s swelling and all…” 

“What? That fast?” Remus said as he approached you. 

Sirius seemed concerned at first, at least until he saw the faintest shadow of a smirk as Remus approached the edge of the tub. You threw him a look, simple, almost too fast, but he instantly knew what he had to do. 

“Perhaps it’s because it’s the hand I sprained at the Leaky Cauldron…” you added and extended it towards him. He was now so close, half of his body was over the water. He had your hand in his, yours was limp and his were careful, feather-like touches to make sure he wouldn’t hurt you further. He moved it to one side and then to the other, carefully. 

“Does it hurt?” 

“Slightly,” you retorted. It wasn’t a lie, your hand was still kind of sore. Perhaps it had been a worse hit than you thought originally.

Remus shrugged, “It doesn’t look all that swollen to me, Little Witch, but it could get worse. Perhaps we should call it and go to Pomfrey instead–” 

“You don’t see it?” You asked nonchalantly and threw a look at Sirius. Remus was about to respond, “Maybe if you look closer,” you added before pulling your other hand out of the water and gripping onto his arms as firmly as you could, pulling him towards you. 

Alone, you wouldn’t have done shit to move him unless he had been genuinely distracted, but with Sirius’ help, who threw him off balance with a light kick on the back of his knee and a push, it was as easy as it had been for Sirius to lift you up and throw you into the pool. When Remus resurfaced from the water he was so shocked that he’d been manhandled that he ended up being more confused than anything. 

“How the– you didn’t even hurt your hand, did you?” 

“It’s still sore, but no,” you said with a shrug and a smile. You then stepped a little closer, you’d never seen Remus’ hair wet, at least not fully wet, only fluffed out of the shower, it was way longer than you assumed, it reached almost all the way to his nose. You swam closer to him in an instant and pushed it off his face. It’s something perhaps you would have done even back when you were just friends –you had always been that close to him– but it was because you weren’t just friends anymore that he felt his heart hammer on his chest as you approached. He could kiss you if he wanted to, would you want it to? 

And then you gave him a look. He knew that look so well. You placed both hands on his neck after you stopped playing with his hair and then you raised your eyebrows. He gave you the basic “Are you sure?” Remus Lupin look. You just raised your eyebrows again in return. 

“Hey, Pups,” you said casually, “do you mind passing me my wand? I think I dropped it when you threw me into the water…” That last bit was slightly accusatory, to add up to that guilt and have him lose some of the weariness. 

Sirius picked your wand from the floor and squinted his eyes at you as if deciding just how close he could get without getting pulled into the water by his favourite little fae, although you looked more like a tempting siren than a sprite in that particular moment. 

“What?” You asked with a simple smile. 

“You’re not going to pull me into the water, are you?” 

“Of course not, I just need my wand,” you said with a smile, gently squeezing Remus’ wrist from under the water. 

“What for?” 

“Girl stuff,” you retorted. 

“You can’t just say girl stuff whenever you want to avoid my questions.” 

“But what if it really is girl stuff?” Remus intervened as he eyed Sirius. 

“I won’t throw you into the water, swear,” you added, hands held up in surrender. “Just hand me my wand, you can stay out and watch while Remus and I make out or whatever.” 

“What?!” Sirius asked confused, amused, and a little too keen on the idea, which was ridiculous. But damn, didn’t the both of you look stunning when you were kissing each other? 

“What?” you said as you approached. “Come on, hand it over,” you said as you opened your mouth for him to place your wand in between your lips. Sirius was hesitant as he approached you, but eventually, he was close enough. And when he did, Remus, who had been casually leaning his back on the side stood up and pulled him into the water as you moved out of the way.

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[gyll-yee-haw]

Your age gap writings are so good! Can you write something where the reader is in her 20s in college and Jake protects her from hate from fans or maybe one of his friends is like 'She's way too young for you and she isnt famous or trying to be famous so why are you with her???' and Jake just shuts them down

Thank you so much, babyy <3

I've got a taste for men who are older, can't help it.... 😔

Warnings: age gap, misogyny (not from Jake obv), cockwarming, pool sex, size kink, oral (f), creampie, soft!dom Jake, daddy kink, so many pet names, a hint of innocence kink

Like 3.2k words

---

It was a hot summer day. You were outside by the pool, book open in front of you as the sun burned your skin. You were finally relaxing after an exhausting semester in college.

Poor Jake, though, couldn't join you. He had a lot of things to solve about upcoming projects... you weren't complaining, you were extremely proud. And why would you even complain? Most days he worked from home. He sat with his laptop at the kitchen table, which was separated from the pool area by a glass door, that allowed him to enjoy the view of you in a bikini, living your best life. Well, you earned it, college can be really rough.

More often than not, you would tease him. Like when he was taking an important call and your bikini top would accidentally fall off... or when you (also accidentally) made eye contact with him while enjoying your popsicle a little too much... and all that would lead to him delaying his work just a little bit.

But tomorrow would be different. A few people on his team would come over for a meeting. So you told him you would just hide in the bedroom until they were finished. He insisted that the meeting shouldn't stop you from enjoying your time however you liked, but you said you preferred it that way. Not only you wouldn't feel comfortable having foreigner eyes on you, but you also didn't want to embarrass Jake... you knew by the comments you've been reading the kind of things people called you. You didn't want to give anyone any evidence that you were irresponsible or bad for his career.

-

So, by the time everyone arrived the next day, you were comfortably snuggling on your pillows, searching for something to watch on tv. Or some background noise for you to nap to.

Meanwhile, Jake was downstairs, discussing important things with his crew.

The meeting itself didn't take too long. But as everyone was saying goodbye, one of his oldest friends, who worked on his image's management asked him if it was okay for him to stay a little longer, so they could speak privately. Jake didn't mind and didn't think much of it... after all, they knew each other for a very long time, and would often talk about non-work related things.

"Hey, man." Jake greeted him as soon as the last person walked out. "Sit down, want something to drink?"

"No, I'm okay, I won't take too long, actually." The man replied in a very serious tone. "There's just something that a few of us been talking about and... we really didn't want to bring it up during the meeting, because it's quite delicate."

Jake's face fell. He had been so happy these last days... and the meeting was so successful, he didn't expect to have any trouble soon.

"Actually..." The man continued, as there was no response from Jake. "No one really wanted to bring it up, but... I'm your friend, am I not? I knew I had to."

"What's going on?" Jake asked, trying to get him to go straight to point, instead of explaining himself over and over again.

"It's about Y/N." He said at once. "Listen, man... I know you, I know you're in love and you're happy, but..."

"Hey, don't start." Jake felt his blood boil as he brought your name up. "I know what people say about her. But they don't know her. And neither do you."

"Jake, man..." he shook his head, hands on his waist as he tried get into Jake's head. "Come on, we all know how much shit starts with you don't know her, she's different..."

"Well, and you know that people on the internet are just waiting for opportunity to misinterpret something... at least you should know, since it's your job." Jake shrugged. "I mean... how many times did we have to deal with this?"

"Jake, I'm not talking as someone worried about your career. I know that these comments will die when they find someone else to cancel." He explained. "I'm talking as someone who's worried about you. You know how these girls are... maybe she finds a richer guy before the comments die, you know."

"Get out of my house." Jake closed his eyes and counted to ten, trying to keep his voice low.

"Come on, man..."

"Get the fuck out." He repeated. "If you leave right now, you're just fired. If I have to ask again, I'll make a few phone calls just to make sure you won't be getting another job anytime soon."

"You know what?" The man raised both hands in the air and chuckled. "You do whatever you want, I'm just trying to warn you..."

The look on Jake's face made him walk through the door without saying anything else.

Jake's body felt heavy and he allowed it to fall on the sofa. His heart ached. How could anyone talk about his princess that way? People didn't know how sweet and caring and kind you were. People didn't know how happy you made him.

"Fuck it." He rolled his eyes.

He was stressed and decided to take the rest of the day off. Take the day off to enjoy your company. You relaxed him like nothing else and nobody knew shit about you.

The eager manner he opened the bedroom door made you jump.

"Sorry, baby." He spoke as he climbed up the bed, resting his head on your chest. He left out a frustrated sigh.

"Oh no, what happened?" Your arms automatically wrapped around him. He looked exhausted.

"Just had to fucking fire someone." He replied, feeling his skin crawl. It made him even more angry to remember that asshole's words now, while he was being comforted by you. "Sexist piece of shit."

"Why?" Your eyes widened. He told you it would be a simple meeting... you would never expect things to end this way.

"I don't really wanna talk about it right now." He knew that if he told you, it would ruin your day. It would hurt your feelings, you would get insecure and maybe even feel a little guilty, which you absolutely didn't deserve. "But you could make me feel better, pretty princess."

Your face visibly lit up at the possibility. And that sparkle on your eyes made Jake regret not punching that guy on the face.

"Why don't you put your bikini on, darling?" He suggested. "Wanna spend the rest of the day by the pool with you, how does that sound?"

"Really?" You smiled at him, warming up his heart. "Just you and me, no work?"

"No work." He promised, returning your smile. "Hurry up, angel. I'll be downstairs waiting for you."

You didn't waste any time. You ran to the bathroom to put on your cutest bikini. One Jake himself bought you. You loved it when looking pretty for him could solve his problems. You felt so powerful.

When you were ready, you wrapped a towel around your body and went downstairs. From the kitchen, you could see him inside the pool. His hair was wet and the way he was breathing indicated he had swam a few laps already. You bit your lip. The roles were reversed at that moment. Now you were the one who was appreciating how the sun hit his wet skin so beautifully. His breathtaking body. God, no man your age looked like that.

But his beauty wasn't all that caught your eye. He also looked so stressed. And he tried to hide it as soon as he noticed you approaching the pool.

You tossed your towel on a chair and sat on the edge of the pool, feeling the water cover the lower half of your legs. He swan closer to you and placed his hands on your knees, which you took as sign to spread your legs. As soon as you did, he stood between them and cupped your cheeks with both hands, placing a sweet kiss on your nose.

You shivered as drops of cold water rolled down his fingers through your neck.

"I love you." He said, out of nowhere. "You make me so fucking happy."

"I love you too." You smiled, placing your hands on top of his, still on your face.

His hands went to your waist and he caught how your body reacted, letting out a laugh.

"What? Water is so cold..." you felt relieved by seeing him laugh.

"It kinda is." He admitted, and you knew that look in his eyes. He had an idea. "Why don't you come here and keep me warm, huh?"

"Alright, but give me a minute." You took a deep breath.

"Take your time, baby, I'm yours all day today." He leaned down, spreading your legs a bit more so he could place little kisses on the inside of your thighs, dangerously close to what your bikinis barely covered. "In fact, I'm yours all the time. Everyday. Even when I'm not here, you're all I think about."

"Yeah?" You bit your lip, bringing your hand to the back of his head, grabbing his hair very gently.

"I do." He continued his trail of kisses as he wanted to make sure not an inch of your thighs wouldn't feel loved. "If I could have my mouth on you all day I would, princess. For the rest of my life..."

He grabbed your thighs, making you move foward a bit. Then he used two fingers to pull your bikini panties to the side before getting his tongue on you. He licked your folds up and down slowly, like he was trying to discover what you tasted like. Like he didn't have you for breakfast that very morning. And the way his tongue began to work afterwards, hungrily, in and out of your hole, indicated he liked it very much.

He used his other hand to finger you, one finger in and out slowly, until he felt he could accommodate two, and as your moans got louder, he began curling them inside of you, all while he licked and sucked on your clit with passion.

Your hips bucked against his face and you pulled his hair, trying not to fall inside the pool, since you were dangerously close to the edge.

"Jake!" you gasped loudly. "Gonna cum, gonna cum..."

His mouth was working too hard on your clit and no force in the universe could make him stop at that moment, so he wasn't really able to reply, but you took that as a sign that he really wanted you to. And you did. You screamed his name, pulling his hair hard enough to make him moan against your core. When you were finished, you had to push him away, cause he didn't want to stop.

"Please... it hurts, too sensitive..." you begged.

He separated his mouth from you, wearing an unbearably gorgeous grin. Then he removed his fingers, immediately sucking them clean.

"Taste so fucking good, baby, can't help it, want more..."

"Fuck, Jake, I..."

"It's okay, princess. Won't you join me?" He helped you fix your bikini as if nothing had happened.

"I will, turn around."

He immediately understood what you meant. He turned his back to you and you hopped on it like a koala, gasping as you felt the water involving your whole body, arms and legs wrapping tighter around Jake's body.

"Easy, baby, you'll get used to it." He chuckled, moving around the pool with you in his back.

He was right, soon enough you felt your body relax against his.

"See, I'm keeping you warm." You said, kissing his shoulder.

"Oh, sweet girl..." he laughed. "That's not what I meant."

Your eyes widened at the realization. "Oh... I'm sorry, I'm so stupid."

"You're not stupid. You're my sweet, innocent little girl, aren't you?" He comforted you.

"I guess..." you felt your face grow warmer.

You untangled yourself from him, feet touching the floor. He turned around to face you.

"You're so pretty." He murmured, touching your face softly.

"Wanted to look pretty for you." You smirked. "Make you forget all your worries."

"You did it." His hand wrapped softly around your neck. "You're such a good girl for it."

"Hmm..." you started feeling him through his swimming shorts. "You're so hard."

"Yes, pretty girl. You did this." He brought his lips to yours, brushing softly as you reached inside his shorts.

His hands went to your hips and he kissed you to distract you from the fact he was getting rid of your bikini panties, then threw them somewhere outside the pool, keeping an eye contact that was enough to make you clench around nothing. He pulled his shorts down just enough to free his cock.

"Ready, baby?" He asked sweetly and you nodded. "Don't move, okay? Stay very still and relax."

You wrapped your legs around him and he entered you slowly. When he was all the way in, he stopped everything, just held you tightly.

"Just wanna relax with my pretty girl today." He said, giving your forehead a kiss. "Cock buried deep inside her, where it belongs."

It was the way he spoke the dirtiest things in the sweetest tone that always drove you crazy. That made you wanna bounce on his cock like no tomorrow. That made you moan under your breath, but he always, always heard you.

"What's wrong, princess?" He mocked.

"You're so fucking hot..." you almost cried as you watched him lift your bikini top and pinch your nipples.

"So cockdrunk and I didn't even fuck you properly." He kept playing with your tits.

"Please..." you whined.

"Y/N, it hasn't been 5 minutes." He kissed your neck. "Be patient, I thought you were a good girl... I just need a break, can't you see that?"

"I'm sorry." You moaned. "But... but you can take a break, and maybe I could move, just me?"

"Come on, you can do better than that." He laughed at how incoherent you sounded. "I know you know how to beg, baby. Just say the words, you have to be more clear."

He pinched your nipples again as he saw you hesitate.

"Jake, fuck!" You moaned in pain, feeling your pussy squeeze him. "Let me sit on your cock, PLEASE. I will be good, I promise..."

"That's better." He removed himself from you, earning protests. "Calm down, baby, I'm gonna do what you asked, unless you wanna be a brat..."

You bit your lip, to keep quiet.

He fixed his shorts and got out of the pool, signaling with his hand for you to follow him, and you did, like an obedient puppy obsessed with it's owner.

He sat on a chair, beside the pool, legs spread, waiting for you. You had to take a moment to appreciate his body again. His hairy chest, with a matching beard. He was so big... his thighs, his posture so masculine. The way he looked so intimidating, but was the softest when it came to you... he was perfect.

Soon enough you were standing between his legs. He kept eye contact with you as he got rid of your bikini top, directing his mouth to your tits as he grabbed your ass with both hands, hard enough to leave a mark.

"You're so fucking gorgeous." His voice was filled with lust as he spoke. "Gonna be a good girl and sit on my cock now?"

"Yes, fucking love your cock..." you agreed, feeling dumb as you saw it throb when he pulled it out of his pants.

"You're such a dirty girl, saying things like that... I mean, I know you love my cock, but jesus..." he mocked you with a smirk, helping your straddle him.

"Don't like it when I talk dirty, daddy?" You asked innocently.

"Fucking love it, baby, can't you see my cock throbbing? Come on, angel, make daddy cum like you promised, be good to me..."

He didn't even finish his words before you managed to get it inside of you, moaning at how good he stretched you.

You started moving up and down at a nice pace, knowing both of you were just too horny for games. Knowing that you only had the illusion of being on control because you were on top... but he could make you regret the smallest teasing.

"Fuck..." he moaned both at your movements and the sight of your tits boucing.

One of his hands cupped one of your breasts as the other one went to your hip, a sign that he wanted it harder. And you gave it to him harder.

"You're so good to me, such a pretty baby... you're gonna make me cum."

"Need you to!" You already looked and sounded like a mess, boucing on his cock as fast as you could, feeling your pussy start to squeeze him. "Need to you to cum inside, daddy..."

"Of course, baby, you deserve it, yeah?" Both his hands were now on your hips, handling you like a doll. "All of daddy's cum belongs to this pretty pussy..."

You cried out as you came again. So much harder. And he just kept thrusting hard, his thighs hitting your ass made a sound so loud you could barely hear him.

And then he came too, as deep as he could. He rested on the chair, breathing heavily and you collapsed on his chest. A few minutes of the most absolutely perfect peace he felt in days filled the air, and he breathed it in.

Not even your whines and protests when he pulled out could interrupt it, he just chuckled.

"Shhh it's okay, little one." He said sweetly. "Just wanna take care of my princess."

You accepted, feeling safe as he wrapped a towel around your body and stood up with you still in his arms. He carried you bridal style to the bedroom.

"Waaait! No!" You laughed as he tried to put you down on the bed. "We're still wet!"

"That doesn't matter, we'll change the sheets afterwards, come on..." he rolled his eyes. "Just wanna look at you for a second."

"You've been looking at me a lot these days..." you mocked him. "Watching me through that glass door, I see you pretending to work..."

"It's just hard to believe you're mine." He admited, intertwining his fingers with yours. "I'm afraid you'll disappear if I look away."

"That's right, I'm yours... and I'm not going anywhere." You promised, placing a soft kiss on his lips. "I love you, Jake."

You had no idea how much he needed to hear that. Of course he knew it, but having moments like this, so intimate, even more than the sex they just had, gave him strength to face all the bullshit people said about you and him. Cause in the end, this is what he was coming home to. He felt safe.

"I love you so much, my princess."

[melukonova]

LOVING SEPHIROTH, sephiroth x reader.

tw. mentions of his hurtful past, emotional abuse that miniroth didn't deserve :( this post can be seen as suggestive but it's left mostly to your interpretation

a/n. for @silverflqmes , my best friend who has inspired me to write yet again for something i love and for writing various requests for me, indulging me in my own happiness. you are never leaving this deep hole of ff7 that i dug for you AHAHAHAH! this is also for the many fans who have made fanfics and such that have shaped me now<3 much love to you all! (i will make more headcanons if this gets love) also sephiroth might be a little ooc since he's new territory of writing for me :,)

info. very lovable and soft sephiroth<3 very short blurbs! inspired by the song everything by lifehouse, i can see him relating about you, the reader, and how he feels for you. enjoy! pre-nibelheim!!!

𐚁. sephiroth's love language can be seen as quality time as seen with the time he spent with genesis and angeal, he grew very attached easily. i can see this in a similiar way since i'm sure once you've caught sephiroth's eye, you're happily in his heart. he enjoys just being together, perhaps he'll teach you how to use masamune (a toy version at least since he wants to protect you from injuries). don't get me wrong, every other love language applies for him too but i know he's happiest with the fact that you're there by his side.

𐚁. he is very awkward with affection so the first time you hold him, i think he wouldn't know what to do but he'll awkwardly pat your back while trying not to freak out a bit by being touched since he was experimented on as a child. please teach him how to love, he didn't get enough as kid... i think being patient with him would also warm his heart with you as well. he isn't the best with people, just in using his sword... which is why it's an anomaly to him if you stuck around for this long.

𐚁. indulging ellie on this one: sephiroth with a kitten. he probably is the one to adopt a kitten out of the two of you except what you didn't expect was him to basically mother the kitten. i think his wounds are still healing from the fact that the locket of his mother was torn away from him.. but you guys both loved that kitten very much, naming saikou which means radiance. it is the radiance of both of your lives and definitely a way to heal from your guys' pain, whatever it may be from your end but i know sephiroth suffers from loneliness and feeling not good enough. he feels this much less because of you though and of course, saikou. saikou is now your love rival... the kitty is his precious baby but you are his most prized treasure.

𐚁. while i said quality time is his favorite love language, i think that he likes physical affection as well since he never really knew what it's like to be loved. he wanted to learn though as well as learn to love you which led to teaching him how to cuddle. still very awkward, he's trying his very hardest as he pats your head and encases you into his body. eventually it led to couch cuddles every time he came home from work, he won't say it out loud but this is his favorite part of being able to be with you. he is so beyond smitten.

𐚁. as sephiroth had been in SOLDIER all of his life, he's not completely sure the best way to comfort you on many things but what he can do is to give you a better night! he'd come home with flowers since somehow zack had talked him into buying flowers from his girlfriend, what can i say? zack was a persuasive businessman and sephiroth had no clue how to be a good boyfriend. he'd probably panic if he couldn't make you feel better, he just wants you happy and would slay his enemies (those who wronged you). he'd indulge you in just about anything that you wanted to do between him trying on your favorite dress, self-care day with face masks, kisses all over to make you less insecure or just to feel more loved, an ice cream date, etc. you name it and it's done. he'd even sneak you into the training room on the SOLDIER floor to take you on a loving date with an even more beautiful sunset but all he could see was his sun, you.

𐚁. you already know his hair care routine since it was leaked from your mail, did i mention you were apart of sephiroth's fan club? he uses a WHOLE bottle of shampoo and conditioner. one day you had to braid his hair, adding in flowers to his hair as you braided it. he loved it since it kept his face clear for combat, meanwhile genesis and angeal snickered at him since his s/o made him look all pretty so none of his enemies would take him seriously. masamune said differently than his hair did. if somebody ruined the artwork of your braiding? they ALSO had a date with masamune.

𐚁. he doesn't like a lot of attention as many would say since he is so famous. this is the big question, how did you enter his life in comparison to the fangirls? you understood him. it was a new feeling for him and he didn't know how much he would end up loving it. no thirsting over how hot he was or saying how strong he had been. just a simple: "i know you've been working hard for so long, you deserve some rest," was enough to make him moved by you. nobody could compare to you in his innocent heart. he was so new to every experience, every hug, every kiss, and every touch you gave him. each time was something new that he had learned to love about you and eventually love about himself as well. you helped him to understand he was more than a monster, more than a soldier, more than just a test subject.

𐚁. what you hadn't expect is to find a loving sephiroth in the kitchen with you, holding you close to him as you listened to italian cooking music (the pasta addict in me thinks he'd want to learn more about pasta and its origin). his head was leaning down towards yours while staring down at your lips as you both had been swaying. his hand had been on your waist and the other had been moving up from your shoulder, over your neck slowly with care, to your soft cheek. capturing you in his lips, the water had boiled over but he didn't care at that moment. the thing he clung onto most was this moment because at this moment, sephiroth just knew. he was in love and he finally felt free as he deepened the kiss. he knew where home was and he was kissing his own home, taking in all of what makes you so lovable as well.

melukonova, 2024. 𐀔

[thefunkfactory]

Brotherly Love

Milan had hated having to live with his twin brother all these years, ever since they were kids Kingston used to torture Milan. He used to fart on his pillow, dangle his stinky socks over Milan’s nose while he slept, used to belch in his face constantly, etc. To put it mildly Kingston was Milan’s polar opposite, Milan was always fresh and clean, showering twice a day, changing his sheets twice a week while Kingston let his unmade sheets stew in his sweat and grime. Milan was so happy that now that the two of them had graduated that Kingston was going to be leaving home to go to Auburn in Alabama, it was a perfect school for him, he got in entirely based on his football prowess. Milan was going to be taking a gap year and saving up some extra money while he would still be living with his parents.

(Milan and Kingston)

It was a pretty normal day for Milan, he had gotten home from his job as a host and was walking into the kitchen to get something to eat. His parents were gone on a business trip and so the boys had been slowly whittling down the food in the kitchen for a few days now. Milan Kingston sitting on the couch in the living room from the kitchen eating something, opening the fridge Milan was met with a pretty sad sight, just some deli meat, condiments, and some beer. “Ughhh there is nothing to eat and Mom and Dad won't be back for two more days!” Milan groaned from the kitchen, between smacks of his lips Kingston said “Dude *smack* there is plenty *smack* of food! What are-uuuuUUUURRRP you talking about?” Walking over to the living room empty handed, Milan saw that Kingston was chowing down on his version of a charcuterie board, salami and prosciutto straight from the pack, mustard, and a beer. Grossed out by even the thought of the meal his brother was consuming, Milan lost his appetite a little. Sitting down next to his brother on the couch, Milan was asked “Where have you been all day bro?”, Milan replied with a condescending tone “I’ve been at work, something YOU can't relate to”. Milan had been forced to get a job as soon as he turned 16 “to build character” as his parents claimed but Kingston didn’t have to since apparently being the star quarterback was enough character building for his parents. “Yo bro you gotta chillax man” Kingston said in his usual moronic tone, peeved that there was no food in the house and now he had to deal with his lazy brother telling him to relax, Milan scoffed and rolled his eyes.

Smirking, Kingston said “Hey, I know a good way to let loose bro!” sticking out his finger and pointing it at his brother, Kingston droned on “Bro…pull my finger! Huhuhu”. Rolling his eyes again Milan refused, “That’s disgusting I'm not pulling your finger, besides it’s covered in meat residue and mustard” Wiping his hand on his shorts, Kingston stuck his finger back out and promised “If you pull my finger i’ll buy us a pizza”. Enticed by the deal, Milan reasoned that he could deal with his brother’s funk, he had been dealing with it for almost two decades now. “Fine…I’ll pull it, but you better buy us an extra large!” Milan grabbed his brother’s finger and gave it a tug, he heard a gurgling Kingston’s gut and then it shot out, BWOOOOOOMMMMPPPPFFFFFFFFF. Covering his nose Milan yelped “KINGSTON THAT IS FOUL WHAT DIED IN THERE?!” it stunk worse than anything his brother has produced before. As the fart trailed off and the grimace disappeared from his face Kingston responded with “Not much besides beer and meat today…”. “I’m getting away from you and your rotting gut!” Milan said as he stood up. Losing his balance Milan staggered and fell back onto the couch right from where he had gotten up. “WOAH! Bro are you okay?!” Kingston said as Milan crashed back down into the sofa. “I…ummm my head…it’s so…foggy…” Milan couldn’t figure out what was happening to him, it was so odd, he hadn’t gotten up too fast so it couldn’t be that. Milan put his hand to his forehead and closed his eyes tight, “I just…need a second…” he muttered softly. He heard more gurgling sounds coming from next to him and heard the sofa cushion move as his brother leaned away from him. Lifting his leg Kingston ripped out another noisome fart and let out a pleasure filled sigh “It’s gonna be nice to have a brother who I can get along with”. Smelling the amplified stench surrounding the two, Milan began to cough and cough “Please…stop…” he got out between coughs. Kingston heard his pleas but found no reason to stop so his gut just kept producing more and more meaty gas for him to rip, it was like pulling his finger flipped a switch in his gut. The smell brute would not stop farting especially once he could see his brother changing. Milan’s pleas for mercy ceased and he sat there next to his brother lifeless, the amount of gas that his brother produced invaded his brain and stopped Milan’s brain minus the integral functions. Milan was sitting slouched back onto the couch, eyes open and mouth hanging like a trout. Kingstop watched as his brother began to become more like him, he couldn’t help but chuckle with glee as Milan’s arms began to swell up with nice developed muscles to match his ever expanding legs. Milan’s limbs grew with muscle and just a little bit of fat. Milan couldn’t even begin to process what was happening, hell he couldn’t stop himself from drooling as it welled up behind his lip and eventually spilled over. Kingston looked on with joy and awe as his twin brother’s shirt began to rip at the seams and fall apart, his pants did the same but were just barely being held apart.

Kingston began to smell a buttery scent and his dumb mind began to wonder “Who is making popcorn?”, suddenly he realized the smell was coming from Milan’s feet, once petite and nimble, they had grown massive and klutzy but most importantly to Kingston they had grown awfully malodorous. Looking back up at his brother he realized that while his attention was focused on Milan’s rank feet, his body had changed more. Milan sat a little higher on the couch once his buttocks inflated with fat and muscle to become massive orbs that bounced as he walked. His stomach bloated into a tummy bigger than he ever had before, his chest turned into massive pecs, Milan’s neck widened into a huge thick log almost too big for his head.

Kingston caught a whiff of another unpleasant aroma, lifting his own arm he sniffed his hairy armpit, “Nope, I still stink the same” he thought. He realized that much like his brother’s feet, Milan’s pits might have matured into proper B.O. producers, not the flowery scented underarms Milan always shaved clean. Hastily lifting his brother’s arm, Kingston was met with an eye watering stench that actually surprised him. Dropping the growing boy’s arm, Kingston clenched his watering eyes and fanned his nose, “PEEEE-UUU!” Kingston exclaimed, “MANNNN YOU SMELL RIPE BRO!” he said proudly. Lifting up his arm again, Kingston wafted the stench from his brother’s rank forest of pit hair. Letting the sour stink cling in his nose, Kingston grinned and realized that he should have done this sooner.

Prouder than ever, Kingston patted his brother on the back. Once Kingston removed himself from Milan’s captivating armpit, Kingston looked at his brother’s face only to find that the cute boyish brother sitting before him was gone, a softer jawline appeared and stubble grew across his lip. His eyebrows grew thicker and untamed, and his eyes grew dull. The last noticeable changes were that his lips plumped up a slight bit more and his hair shortened on top and puffed out on the sides right above his ears. “How you feelin bro?” Kingston asked, Milan grunted, showing the first sign of intellect since Kingston gassed him. As soon as he grunted Kingston heard Milan’s gut begin to churn, and just like his revolting brother, Milan ripped the fattest and nastiest smelling fart the once dainty boy ever had. THBBTTTBBBTttbbbbsssssssst.

It flew out strong and loud and was a squeaking trumped by the end. Kingston took a deep breath of his brother’s intellect that was now nothing more that eggy vapors filling up the room. Looking at his newly minted brother he asked “Ready for that pizza bro?”, “HELL YEA BRO!” Milan shouted out “I gotta warn you tho, it’s gonna turn me into a gas machine”, “Dont worry bro I already did that for you!” Kingston joked. Furrowing his brow a confused look spread across Milan’s face “Huh?” he blurted out, “Forget about it bro just focus on being the stink-machine you always have been” Kingston told Milan. A dopey grin stretched across his face and Milan stuck out his tongue. He lifted a leg and leaned away from his brother, “You got it broooooo” and a revolting silent but deadly fart slipped out of his magnificent cheeks.

[leashybebes]

🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈

tommy must live in a perpetual state of confusion over buck

do you think the longer buck allies the more tommy realises that "oh, he really is like this but he's definitely some flavor of queer"? because i see tommy maybe gently testing buck's jealousy to see what it'll take to make him break

oooookay once again this is not a snippet (sorryyyyy) but is more me attempting to understand wtf is going on in tommy's head throughout all this that he keeps "sure, okay"-ing himself into ridiculous situations with buck, so apologies for just unloading the contents of my brain on you

there are a few things i've been chewing on in terms of figuring out how tommy reacts to the buck of it all, which i hope will make it make sense that i actually don't think tommy pushing or testing for jealousy is on the cards in this fic (although i do love the idea!)

so first of all, this is a younger tommy than we've seen interact with buck in canon (of course), so whatever happened to make him Like That in the breakup hasn't happened yet (and won't, because i am a slut for a HEA). he's newly out and in my experience, a lot of newly out people, particularly people who are a bit older have something of a second adolescence. so yeah while this means he's incredibly horny (horny enough to let a self-proclaimed straight guy give him the absolute best sex of his life) it also means he just wants to have fun!! and buck is SO. MUCH. FUN. he's spent so long so tightly controlled that he's trying really hard to just go with the flow.

second, when i say newly out tommy, i mean newly out. like, it's one thing to "stop lying about who i am" - to me, there's a non-zero chance that just means "stop making up girlfriends" rather than "actually grapple with the life-long process of coming out (again and again and again)". so in my head (and it might come up in the fic, idk yet) the scene early on where he tells buck he doesn't want the cute girl's number because he's gay is probably one of the first times he actually said the words out loud. which ties into...

third, we know tommy was work friends with sal (at least and again, don't know that it'll come up in the fic but for the record, he 100% had a monstrous crush on him, like it made him ILL how much he wanted sal, i will hear no arguments), and that he developed good - again, work-based - friendships with hen and chim, but i feel like for a deeply closeted guy under dadt with a shitty childhood buck might be his first actual friend who knows all of him and likes him. spends time with him. doesn't care that he's gay. actively supports his gayness. doesn't recoil and in fact actively encourages tommy to talk about it. so i think tommy is just...deeply, deeply grateful for this confusing train wreck of a man

fourth, while i think there are definitely times that tommy thinks "he...he's flirting with me, right? is something gonna happen here?" this is a guy who has spent his entire adult life not looking at that kinda thing. not letting himself wonder if a guy (particularly a friend) is into him. or really, even if he's into them. he's really, really good at compartmentalising, and buck's pretty insistent that he's straight, so tommy's taking that at face value. hey, buck makes compelling arguments ("tommy, straight men have prostates too!")

aaaaand there we have the contents of my brain as it relates to one tommy kinard. even in my own incredibly stupid AUs, i am frankly obsessed. i want to gnaw on him. i'll settle for having buck do it instead.

[lotomber]

Them as Yanderes!

Yandere - a person obsessed with someone they are attracted to, to the point of going crazy over them and usually acting aggressive toward that person or the people they are related to.

Involves: Chuuya, ADA! Dazai, Nikolai, Fyodor, PM! Dazai

Warning: Dark, Obsessive behavior, drugging, Kidnapping, Gaslighting, violence, severed hand, mentions of killing, lmk if I missed anything

If you are not comfortable with any of the themes mentioned above please don't proceed!

Chuuya ❣

At first he was so sweet and caring that you didn't notice something was wrong.

Only after you started to trust and open up to him, you noticed how possessive he was.

At first it only started with him blocking your friends from your phone saying that they were not good people.

And when you still talked to your friends thinking he won't know then you were absolutely wrong cause he already bugged your phone and has every information of where you go and with whom you talk.

So what choice he had other than to kidnap you when you won't listen to him?

You don't even know when he slipped drug in your food and when you woke up you just found yourself chained in his bedroom.

He told you that he is doing this all to protect you, that you are too naive and anyone could take advantage of it.

If you behave well then he might let you roam in the penthouse, But if you even tried to escape then he won't hesitate to use force against you.

He hates to hurt you in any physical way but what could he do when you are being so ungrateful to him. When all he wants is just to protect you.

ADA! Dazai ❣

Dazai, when in the agency he isn't the type of person to physically harm you.

He takes more of a smart way. First carefully plan, then approach, and manipulate you, until you fell into his trap.

From the first day he met you he already found out about you, where you live, your phone number, places you frequently went to, your likes and dislikes everything.

But he won't directly come to you, he would just sit at the cafe where he knew you went or at a bookstore.

There he would find a way to start a small talk with you and casually exchange numbers using his sociable skills.

After that he would occasionally meet you and spend time with you.

But after a while he broke all contact with you, not responding to your calls messages and ignoring all your plans to meet.

Just to come back when you got desperate to meet him again.

He would just play this push and pull game with you until he knows that he is the only person you think about.

Not knowing anything as you just fell deep in his trap.

Nikolai ❣

He won't hurt you but that doesn't mean he won't do anything to people close to you.

He would just approach you doing some casual tricks to make you laugh.

Wherever you go, most of the times you find him near you.

First you just brushed it off thinking as a coincidence. And even if you ever question him about it he would just play tricks and jokes about his magic.

But you seriously started to doubt when you always found him near your home. So you start to avoid him.

He noticed your sudden aversion to him. After that you didn't saw him, so you felt relieved.

Some days later you went to meet one of your close friend not knowing that nikolai was still watching your every move.

You told your friend about everything that happened, your friend consoled you saying that you were just probably overthinking.

After that when you returned home, you just found nikolai casually sitting in your bedroom.

Before you could scream or shout for help, he just pulled out a severed hand from his coat. There was a watch on that hand that you gave your friend as a gift.

He tells you that he did it to punish you for avoiding and badmouthing him when he was just being nice to you.

Fyodor ❣

Like dazai he would use prudent ways but he won't manipulate you instead he would manipulate others around you.

He already collected all information about the people close to you and everything else.

Then he would approach you casually at a place you frequently go to, befriending you.

Since that day one by one your friends start to ignore you. Even your close peers start to isolate you.

And when you found yourself all alone he would appear being a savior to you.

He would listen as you tell him about how everyone started mistreating and isolating you.

He would fake sympathize and console you saying that those people don't deserve you and that he would never abandon you cause he knows how precious you are.

And if someone still tries to approach you, he would just get rid of them making sure that you won't suspect a thing.

PM! Dazai ❣

Oh lord, Pm! Dazai is a real menace. He would use every possible method to monopolize you even if it meant hurting you.

He won't use stretched out ways instead he would directly kidnap you.

And if you try to fight back or escape, he will just drop a dead body of your close friend or family.

Instead of harming you physically, he would just blackmail you to be good for him or else he'll have to punish you.

And his punishment involves killing each and everything you consider precious so you won't have any choice but to come to him willingly.

PM! Dazai has no regard for lives. So even as you look or talk to someone other than him he won't hesitate to kill them.

[kyokutsu-sama]

Headcanons

"Things they do to apologize after an argument" A/n: I had this idea in my head for some time and seeing these three in a situation like this made me think🤔 The three scenarios below are 100% canon, I swear😅

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Kenpachi :

It's not difficult to get this man out of his mind, but it's also not difficult for him to get someone out of their mind with his personality, especially you, if you two get upset about something. He undoubtedly doesn't act with you in the same way as with others, but if for some reason you argue, he may loosen up a little and say more than he should, something he will regret later when give him the silent treatment. Believe me, he will be a shadow, following you even without knowing how to reach you. He wanted so badly to grab you and take you to his room for just an hour just to "apologize himself"but he had already realized that he was the one in the wrong, so he waited until you "softened up". He looks at you every time you pass by him and it was one of those times when you passed by him that he couldn't contain himself and slapped your ass, the habit he had before you two were upset. You gave him a deadly look back but just continued on your way and he gave a small smile. The fact that you even looked at him was a glimmer of hope for him. He loves a good fight and won't give up until he has you. When the things calm down and he feels it's time to apologize and when you walked past him while he was sitting on the couch in the living room, he pulls you onto his lap, catching you helplessly and hugs you with his strong arms. You didn't react for a moment, seeing that he just wants closeness and your warmth. You interpreted that as an apology from him. "Hey big man! I accept your apology if that's what you're trying to know"You said holding his arms around you "Does this also mean that you won't be pacing around ignoring me?" "Actually, I'm also mad at you for being so big and hard to ignore but yeah, I'll talk to you again" You say and he looks at you sideways making you smile mischievously He can't stay away from you. Even with that size, the softer side of his heart is still calling for you.

Jushiro :

I can't imagine him arguing for some reason, he's a sweetheart and would do anything but argue with you, because he knows you might be offended by something he said. Something he would avoid at all costs. When he sees that you are upset with him and that you are avoiding him, he chooses to give you some space even though it is difficult to do so. Shunsui could relate it, he had to convince him and almost begged him on his knees to give you space for a few days. The friend knew he loved you and that's why he acted like that. He couldn't help but at least exchange glances with you when you two passed each other in the corridors of his division or even inside the house. When things start to calm down a little more, he starts greeting you and even tends to bring sweets and hide them under the blanket on your side of the bed accompanied by flowers. "A true romantic man" You think to yourself after encountering all that. You see this as his apology and that very night, you can be sure, when he turns to your side while you're lying next to him and hugs you from behind and brings you closer to him. When you look back with your eyes still barely open but you can see him looking at you with an innocent and soft expression. "Do you accept my apology? Please Y/n, I'm so sorry" He whispers against the skin of your neck "But only because you brought me flowers and sweets this afternoon" You said and he chuckled placing more kisses on your neck "I will bring it whenever you want" Help, I don't write to him anymore, my heart is melting😫

Shunsui :

Another gentleman who doesn't like to argue with his loved one just like his friend above, but the only difference is that Shunsui is shameless and his sarcasm and jokes can ruin everything sometimes. What he doesn't know is that they also leave him sleeping on the couch for a few days. However, he can't help but keep a silly smile on his face when he sees you leaving the bedroom with a blanket and his pillow. He tries to stop you but you just push him away. "Aren't you overreacting? Y/n, come on ! The bed is big for both of us, you don't need to---" "Fuck you !" You stick out your middle finger and show it to him, returning to the bedroom afterwards and slamming the door with a bang "Yeah, Shunsui... it's your fault again for being an idiot" He muttered after seeing the way you left He can't bear to see you walk past him without saying a word to him, his eyes follow you everywhere in the house and even at work. He wanted so much to come closer to you and hug you and apologize and humiliate himself if he had to just to hear your beautiful voice again. This is no longer the silent treatment but torture for him. He, like Jushiro, also leaves flowers everywhere, especially rose petals scattered across the floor. In the living room, in the kitchen, in the bedroom and even in the bathroom he wants you to see the flowers. When you enter the house you can't help but sigh when you see it, you know immediately that the flowers and petals on the floor speak for themselves. "That idiot" You thought. You went to the bedroom and he was there leaning against the headboard with his bottle of drink in his hand and looking like he wasn't quite sober anymore. "I told you to stay on the couch, didn't I?" You said, approaching the bed and crossing your arms, pretending to still be upset "It's too cold to sleep on the living room and especially without my beautiful Y/n-chan who warms my heart"He said, bringing the bottle to his lips You sat next to him and took the bottle from his hands, placing it on the bedside table. "I accept your apology but first you're going to have to clean up the mess of petals you made all over the house, you hear?" You said and he laughed "I will, but now I just want to hug you" Even with the smell of booze you hugged him and he almost cried hugging you. I will have to write a complete scenario like this later...

[kaiju-krew]

So I know this is like, a month late (forgot to ask when you posted the pic lol), but what's up with Labra? He got like a backstory, lore, or something like that? I'm curious and wanna know more abt him.

drew him again :3c

UHMMM yes i am lore building for him........ i haven't decided everything yet but i know i want him to be a distant cousin species of goji's. everyone's fangoji lore is different but i def imagine him as a part of my personal monsterverse au rather than existing in his own world with no friends haha loser

putting a cut here so i dont spam people's feeds lmao

likeeee for comparison it's probably similar to Crocodylia encompassing crocodiles, alligators, and gharials?? labra is in a similar niche to zilla for me. goji is the largest/apex species of the gojiran order, whereas zilla & labra are smaller and occupy a different niche. Big bruiser lion vs. carcal or lynx type thing.

my hc is that the vast majority of labra's species (pre-mutation art is what they looked like) was wiped out when ghido got into hollow earth. which is also the same time he wiped out most of the divine moths and a couple other species :''(

it ended with ghido iced but it fucked up the hollow earth ecosystem for a while and led to a lot more radiation leakage since he tore the place up real bad. labra was Almost Dead and ended up hibernating to recover by a radiation vent, but he'd laid down in feldspar vein that kinda grew to cover him and turned to labradorite and idk magic radiation nonsense it fused with him and caused him to grow/mutate.

the ghido massacre also caused battra to hibernate/mutate too so it's a Big Event in my silly au world. most of the kaiju that are clearly a result of mutation fuckery (biollante, kessho too) may be related to it as well but i haven't fully fleshed it out yet. it would mostly be based around goji's hyper-regeneration doing the thing where like.. if a big enough chunk of him gets lobbed off and has access to energy it mutates and tries to regenerate and causes a fucked up clone siblings thing idk omg ok i'm in tangent city good god sorry i was supposed to be talking about my gay son

ANYWAYSSSSSS for more general hc/character stuff: >labra is genuinely terrified of ghido and even gets freaked out when he hears wing beats without warning. (mosu beats rodan's ass bcuz he divebombs labra for fun sometimes) >he lives on monster island and ventures down to hollow earth sometimes, but he won't return to his old home because it just reminds him everyone else of his species is gone. (he isn't even his own species anymore bcuz of the mutation. so they're basically extinct.) >he loves swimming and sometimes just lays in the shallows to absorb sunlight. stretches out like a lazy ass cat. cat boy behaviour >he's loyal to goji and doesn't start shit with humans unless they attack first. even then he does his best to steer clear. >mothra likes his dorsal plates and talks with him sometimes (Moth Therapy) they can bond over ghido hating it's a good time >he has a mutually bitch-bother dynamic with rodan where rodan bothers the shit outta him until he manages to grab that turkey and idk sits on him or something. but if rodan really pisses him off he doesn't mind actually throwing hands because he knows goji won't care if he puts the bird in it's place. >he also likes angy, zilla, and bio a lot too.

there's more but i'll stop there for nowwwww

tldr: big gay lizard is traumatized but doing ok ig