#i wish i was joking but i was legit always like this

[junkartie]

The funniest thing ever is that in my baby album my mom made for me between the ages of 0-6 theres a little section for “favorite game” that you fill in yourself and its literally “afraid girl” in reference to silent hill 3 because as an actual fucking infant i would cry until my mom would sit down and play silent hill so i could watch. That is my autism diagnosis fr

[thelovelywriteress]

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

────────────────────────────

It's been a while since you and Sakura started to date each other. Though you both were still awkward with each other. Most romantic gesture you exchanged was handshaking. You know this all was WAY too new for Sakura but still sometimes you wished your relationship to be more daring, atleast more than handshake.

You were walking with your hand in your arm. You were in your own lands of wondered, you didn't notice the Bofurin was on their daily patrol, especially not Sakura though he did. He always managed to find you even when you DON'T, he always DID.

"Isn't that (Name)-san?" Neirei catch where Sakura was glancing, on hearing his name Sakura almost hissed like a cat. He was fine silently staring at you when you were in your own thoughts, he find that cute but no wait, point is he didn't want his companion to point it out.

He just fasten his pace, acting like he wasn't interested in your presence but Suo wasn't having his ignorance,"Sakura-kun shouldn't you go and say hi to her?" He offered with his usual smile as Sakura let out a embarrassed reaction to his suggestion. Sakura was about to give some excuse but Suo already throw his attack,"(Name) noticed your presence, how sad she will when she will realised you don't even care enough to─" And before he could complete his sentence, Sakura already dashed pass the Suo towards your direction.

Guess boy take no chances when it comes to you.

You still didn't notice the boy approaching you but your cat sure did as she jumped out of your arm,"Hey─" You stopped when you realised she stopped in front of your dual hair boyfriend. Sakura looked down at the cat who seems to be excited upon seeing him. He picked it up and come closer to you.

"H-Hey Sakura!" Damn why you have to stutter and say it loudly. You probably looked like you didn't notice him coming. He return your greeting AND your cat back to you,"You should hold her tightly." He suggest while you give a small laugh,"Yeah. She almost made me drown yesterday." You intended to share your experience as joke but Sakura was concerned by your words and ask you to explain it further,"Well she keep running around and I keep chasing her like crazy, at same point she reached the bridge and almost made herself and me fall." You laughed at the memory but Sakura didn't,"B-BUT I am f-fine now." You exclaimed nervously while Sakura didn't looked convinced, he just ask you to see your surroundings better.

"I will go now." He said as he put out his hand, you know what was he expecting and return his gesture. Oh how you wished instead of hand meeting hand, it was lips meeting lips. Even though you wanted to experience it, mere thought of it made steam coming out of your eyes.

"It's embarrassing but I still want to experience it already one." You pouted a bit as your gaze fall on your cat in your arms. You hold her in front of her and demand her help,"I take care of you so goodly, shouldn't you return favour by using your cat power and made me and Sakura kiss?" What were you expecting a legit yes from her? Well too bad it didn't happened. You soon realised too how much crazy you sound and put her back in your arms but suddenly she jumped out again and started to run,"Hey wait!"

Sakura was getting fed up now. Neirei keep him asking about how things between you and him work while Suo just keep him teasing.

"Shut up!" "Meow."

"Sakura-kun see your yell got us getting us complained by cat." Suo state as Neirei giggled in back, Sakura was about to yell again but cat meowed again. Sakura turn towards it and remember this familiar cat,"You are (Name)'s cat!" Sakura exclaimed while other two sweatdrop at him. Why was he sound like he just find out her identity as some suspect. Cat just meow again and started to walk away,"Where are you going?" Sakura walked behind the cat, followed by his other two companions.

Suddenly cat increased her speed and so does Sakura. It keep going on until it become official─"Sakura chasing a running cat." Sakura called the cat to come back, he imagined how worried you must be. Your worried face boost his speed. Cat started to jump on bulidings and walls but Sakura still keep with it untill at one corner he lost her sight but even though he keep looking for her.

"Come back I promise I will expensive food this time." You said, hoping for it to work,"Meow." Guess it did. You saw your cat at a corner and run towards it. Though when you reached she was already out of sight, you followed the sound of her meows.

"There you are!" Sakura also noticed her and run towards it to chased while cat quickly run on your side and after making sure you saw her she started to climb tree,"No don't go there." Last time she climbed a tree, you had to use ladder to bring her down. You climbed behind her and when you thought you finally catch her she jumped on other tree,"AND NOW YOU'RE NOT SCARED?" She keep jumping while meowing as you followed her behind, Sakura was also coming near by following soud of meow.

Cat quickly jumped down and landed in front of Sakura who quickly launched towards him but at same moment you jumped in front of and you both collide with Sakura falling over you. You both feel pain through you body but that quickly vanished when you realised the approximately between each other.

When you were collide, Sakura knew he couldn't prevent the falling so he instinctly wrapped his hands around you to protect you. That was quick reflex of movement but now when it's stable you guys started to blush like crazy. When if he wanted to pull his hands, he can't since they were beneath you.

"S-SORRY!"

"Don't move!"

Your eyes turn spiral as you tried to wake against Sakura's comment which end up you putting hand on your shoulder and forcing him downwards, towards you and that's where whole scene take unexpected turn.

If this whole situation wasn't messed, the fact you made Sakura's lips crashed on you sure was.

Both of yours eyes widened. It wasn't romantic kiss like on dates. It wasn't hot kiss that make you forgot your surroundings. It wasn't quick kiss you give out of love. It was were merely his lips meeting yours for mere seconds but still it was the FIRST KISS you shared with each other. You both stare at each other as Sakura pulled back his face while your cat meowed. You both brought your gaze towards the cat as she meowed again, with a hint of delight.

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!"

And now some reason you both separate from each other without any accidentally kissing, just to yell at the innocent cat with red hues rising on your face. Such ungrateful beings humans are.

You both accidentally catch the each other's gaze as yell of flusteration left your mouths.

"SORRY!"

Neirei and Suo soon catch up and Suo quickly grabbed the cat. He check the collar and found you were the owner, no wonder why Sakura was chasing it like crazy.

"Hey where is your owner and her boyfriend?" Suo said with his usual playful tone while Neirei laugh at his tactics before walking further on the way.

"SAKURA-SAN! (NAME)-SAN!" And there Neirei find the two familiar unmoving bodies laying at opposite sides. Neirei check the Sakura he seems to be black out with his face being red as tomato while Suo check the owner of cat who's eyes seems to spin like spiral.

"What the hell did we miss?"

"Meow~"

▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄▄

──────────────────────────

[flowerfreya]

Cherry Wish

Waiting

Cherry Wish Masterlist

CW:a/b/o dynamics , mean boss, beta!reader, omega!simon , alpha!jonny Pairing: ghoap x reader

In a non weird stalker way ( it's weird and it is stalker). You keep noticing them at your job and you know it's a grocery store. Maybe they just need milk a lot. 

They keep trying to make small talk with you and you don’t have many times you can smile at them,annoyed (you're not annoyed, actually your favorite time of the day is when they come in). 

You see them in your line, waiting. 

You notice that you have the longest line and your other coworker has offered to take them on her checkout counter. They have denied her request for about the third time before it's their turn on your line.

“Hello, hen”, mohawk said, which you finally learned is Soap.

“What’s up”, god, you want this day to end but when they show up they kind of make it better. Except Simon looks down right flustered, red in face. And he’s smelly.  Not in a bad way but he smells sweeter and it’s making you antsy. 

You look concerned , “Are you okay?”, you ask Simon. 

He looks around and points at himself, me, shocked that you're even talking to him. You know you haven’t been the nicest person to be around but jeez you didn’t think that you were that bad. 

“Bout to start my heat” , your brain short circuits, Omega…. 

Oh. 

“What, you didn’t know” , he jokes with you. 

“No, actually I didn’t know” , you answer back.

Everyone always has a scent, but know that you know that Simon is close to heat, it smells sweeter, makes you relax without realizing it. You sober up quickly, and finish scanning their items. When your manager comes up behind you. A little to close behind you. 

“You see how long your line is”, he questions, he’s a beta too but thinks he’s better than everyone because he has the keys to the place. 

 “I see it”, what does he want you to do , multiply yourself and open the other registers. 

“Maybe stop chatting up the Alpha’s and focus”, you’re used to this type of behavior but Soap isn’t. 

“Aye, mate, we got a problem?”, he’s posturing , the smell of a mildly pissed off Alpha is taking up your sense of smell. 

He shifts his eyes from you to them back to you, “o-o-oh no problem just want the line to not be a long line”, which again you would like to reiterate it’s not your fault because you legit just work here. 

“Oi, then maybe open another till, eh ?”Simon adds on. 

You look up at them, feeling unusual. These men that have been coming here everyday just to see you are defending you and you’ve done nothing but be mean to them. 

And they still want you. 

[tellmeallaboutit]

knock knock (Raphael x F!Player)

Chapter 2, In Which You Meet A Tall Dark Stranger 

Chapter 1

SUMMARY: Careful which mods you install for BG3. Did you read the terms and conditions carefully?

TAGS: meta romance, psychological horror, smut, the character is the player, Raphael is after you, you wanted him, you invited him to our world, he accepted your invitation

RATING: explicit

AO3

Chapter 2

The next day, during your lunch break, you made another attempt to persuade Raphael to take his clothes off. The clock struck noon; your private laptop was on the right side of your desk, while your work laptop was on the left, Teams open and your mouse ready to show signs of activity from time to time.

The sun was shining through the wide open window, children playing outside. Idyllic. Nothing sinister could be happening in broad daylight with those happy sounds in the background. The horror movies told you so. Except for Midsommar.

Well, screw Midsommar, then. This isn’t Sweden.

"All right, I'm going to set some ground rules here," you said to the loading screen. "I can be as creepy as I want to be to you, because you're just a bunch of pixels, but you can't do anything creepy to me, because I'm a human being. Got that? Good."

The sound of your voice made you feel braver.

As you heard the familiar sinister 'you-let-the-villain-win-bad-player' music in the background, you covered your eyes with your hands and peered through splayed fingers.

Then he appeared. Just as you had wished. Perfectly naked, with a stereotypical video game six-pack and just the right amount of body hair. The orange lighting made his skin glow, and his flaccid penis, like that of the game's generic male model, vanished from sight as he strode closer.

Your ears pricked up to listen to the scripted monologue you knew by heart, watching (waiting?) for any hiccups or new animations, the YouTube app on your phone playing the identical scene for comparison.

Everything happened exactly as it should, word for word, save for the speaker’s nudity.

All good. You breathed a sigh of relief and spread your fingers wider to admire Raphael a little better. 

Same as always. Handsome and charming and completely imaginary, which, now that you thought about it, was the biggest part of his charm. 

"Ta-ta... for now," Raphael's signature line echoed through the room.

"Bravo, Raphael," you praised the screen. "You've done nothing creepy. You have earned your title of Archdevil Supreme."

After waiting for a response that never came, you laughed off your silliness and shook your head. Your laptop was overheating, giving off a slight synthetic smell. Should have upgraded a long time ago. Just need to put enough money aside.

"OK, screenshots," you said. "I wanted to take some screenshots. Do you mind, Raphael? Can I have your consent? They’ll help recruit more followers for you, my liege."

Your phone vibrated. The FaceID gave you a preview of the Discord messages from Queen-of-the-Bored, one of the few Raphaelites you'd actually spoken to directly and felt like you kinda sorta knew.

queen-of-the-bored: ngl that was some really funny joke, we spent the whole night trying to recreate it :-D queen-of-the-bored: you sounded legit worried over that voice message tho haha you: it was legit. check the reddit thread queen-of-the-bored: which thread

Ok, let me google that for you. You typed in the same search words as yesterday, "Raphael naked mod April prank," clicked on the thread from yesterday, and skimmed through the comments.

“nah not joking there is this naked mod for teenage mutant ninja""

“all dongs appeared MASSIVE on April’s first”

Scrolling further, you realized that was not the correct Raphael - it's Raphael the Turtle, not Raphael the Devil. Why was there so much NSFW content about him? What did people see in turtles?

You quickly corrected your search to "Raphael BG3 naked mod April prank," but it didn’t bring back any relevant results. So, you changed it to "last twenty four hours" just to be thorough.

Didn’t help. Nothing. You were the only to be called a naughty little mouse. The special one.

queen-of-the-bored: which thread dude??? you: my bad it was the turtle queen-of-the-bored: ??? queen-of-the-bored: I am slowly getting worried about you haha

Next step? Contact the mod developer directly? What if they have no idea what you're talking about?

Then what? What were the alternative theories? You've been hacked and doxxed to madness for that one Twitter post that got people waving pitchforks at you? 

There you go, you were scared again. Daytime, sun shining and children playing outside, but there you were, alone in your flat, scared again.

You took a deep breath and looked at the screen. "All right, I understand, Mr Archdevil Supreme. No screenshots. I'll uninstall the mod and I apologise for my disrespectful behaviour."

You couldn't bear to see Raphael's face on the screen again so you hit ctrl alt delete instead of Escape and stared blankly at the Task Manager.

Next, you uninstalled the mod that had caused all this trouble. Then you went to Tumblr and removed the reblog of Raphael in a cat playsuit with the tag "my poor miau miau". Then you deleted your bookmarks on AO3. Your Twitter account was beyond repair, so you deleted it altogether.

None of these actions made you feel any better. You grabbed a quick cup of shrimp noodles, but eating it only made you feel worse. As you tasted the sodium on your tongue, you came to a realisation: what you needed was to go the fuck outside.

You had been stuck in your flat and home office since the start of the pandemic, chronically online. Online work, online colleagues, online friends, who was the last real person you saw, talked to and hugged?

Your mum, probably. 

Oh yes, no wonder you were going mad. You need to get out there and meet some real people. You opened Discord, quickly scrolled past the sketch of Tav giving Raphael head, and typed a message: you needed to touch grass.

queen-of-the-bored: well there is Comic-Con this weekend  you: this is NOT touching grass, this is burning it queen-of-the-bored: true you: besides not going alone queen-of-the-bored: maybe Raph will keep you company 😈 

What? Such a strange thing to say. Or was it? Who the hell was that behind the screen anyway? Apparently someone called Sammy from Ohio. Supposedly. Wasn’t she the one who recommended this mod?

She was.

Come on, you're just letting your paranoia get the best of you.

queen-of-the-bored: oh BTW I found THE hottest Raph smut  queen-of-the-bored: mind the tags it's so hot but soooooo fucked up queen-of-the-bored: just read it trust me thank me later

Who the hell were you, Sammy from Ohio, Korilla? You put the phone down and started pacing around your small flat. It was not much to pace around, only forty-two square meters. 

At least you rent a flat in a building with other people and not some house at the edge of the forest. Strangers live below you, above you and on either side of you. They don't know you and you don't know them... but they were there, just in case...

Just in case.

"You know what?" you said to your computer. "I need a break. I need to focus on my mental health. Self-care, Raphael. I'm not playing with you. For now".

The moment you finished speaking, your phone lit up again with another notification. This time it was an email. You made a mental note to start managing your notifications better.

Did you enjoy your Devil Dick © - Natural Red experience? We know you will be back for more 😈 Check out the new...

What the fuck? Oh no, no, click away and make a mental note to never order from Bad Dragon again with customer satisfaction emails like this. It's borderline harassment. You ordered from them ONCE, as a joke, just to see what ridges might feel like.

Not as good as the smut had promised you,

Private. Private stuff. Between you and your bed drawer. Between you and your browser. God, how much stuff you have in your browser history. You should have used incognito mode more often.

Would that have helped? 

"That was low, Raphael," you muttered. "Or is it Haarlep today?"

You glanced around your room before angling your computer screen towards the wall, then retrieved the Devil Dick © from its hideaway in your bedside drawer. Your fingers grazed over the silicon ridges as you swiftly stashed it away in a box beneath the bed.

"If you must know, it was too big for me. Flattered?"

Crawling out from under the dusty bed, you looked up and realized for the first time that anyone in the building could easily peep into the flat if they tried hard enough or cared enough to do so.

Enough is enough.

You need to hydrate, you need to eat some vegetables, you need to start jogging again and you definitely... you definitely need to go out and talk to some real people. Maybe it's time to get back on Bumble and try your luck again. Who knows, it might actually work this time.

He wouldn't like that.

Where did that thought just come from? He wouldn't like it, who the hell cares what some imaginary devil thinks.

Standing up straight, you pointed a finger at the screen in front of you.

"Raphael, just so we are clear, you and I: I really like you. I do PR for you every day for free. You don't have to scare me to get my attention. You should appreciate me and be nice to me. I'm the best agent you'll ever have.”

Having made your point, you put on your running shoes and AirPods. It brought back memories of all the times you had jogged through the nearby park. Afterwards you'd sit on the bench and eat an ice-cream, watching couples, happy and glowing, watching families with children, happy and stressed, watching people living their lives in a reality parallel to yours, and then you'd come home and go into a reality parallel to theirs.

The AirPods picked up right where they left off last time.

I want to hold you close, soft breasts, beating heart, as I whisper in your ear

I wanna fucking tear you apart

You removed the AirPods from your earlobes and exhaled. This wasn’t Raphael's fault. This is She Wants Revenge, you have listened to it a thousand times. You knew the lyrics, they hadn't changed. 

You can't even listen to music anymore. Pull yourself together. 

Get some vitamins from the pharmacy.

Touch some goddamn grass.

***

You stuck to your digital and physical diet until the weekend, and as a reward, nothing happened. No oddly timed emails, no strange messages, no random phone calls. Maybe it was your pitch talk or the vitamins you started taking, but either way, Raphael was on his best behavior, and so were you. 

No Tumblr, no AO3. Didn't even touch Steam. Got into a highbrow podcast about the Roman Empire.

You set a new personal record for days without 'self-indulgence', as Raphael would put it, although that wasn't really the intention. Something always seemed to interrupt - whether it was the loud hum of the fridge (which was always obnoxious) or the flickering light in the hallway (which had been broken for over a week). 

By Friday, you had finally finished the work projects you had been putting off for months. The job wasn't too bad, but it hadn't been any fun for years, if it ever had been. You did the bare minimum to get the paycheck and keep the job, and your employer kept the paycheck at the bare minimum to keep you. If there was anything else you could do, you would do something else.

Still, this was probably the most productive week you had in years. You scrubbed your flat from top to bottom twice and cleared your wardrobe of clothes that no longer fit.

You were proud of yourself.

Gradually your sense of security began to return. You tried not to dwell too much on the incident with the naughty little mouse; if you didn't think about it, it almost felt like it hadn't happened.

On Friday, you plucked up the courage to play BG3 again, wandered through Baldur's Gate, avoiding the House of Hope for the time being, had a few fights, played the graveyard scene with Astarion (daring, but a small part of you hoped it would make Raphael jealous enough to come out again), and shut it down. 

Nothing out of the ordinary.

You hadn't planned to go to Comic-Con. For one thing, it was on the other side of the city, in the business district of the convention centre, so it would take at least an hour to get there. Secondly, going alone just felt... weird.

It was not until Friday night that a little voice in your head started to whisper, "Why not? Maybe you'll meet some like-minded people”. Make some friends you can actually touch (not in a creepy way). 

It's a better chance than endlessly swiping on Bumble.

Maybe you'll meet...

Neil Newbon. If you can get past the hordes of fangirls. Andrew Wincott. No, Andrew Wincott wouldn't be there; you'd checked beforehand. To be honest, hearing his voice might have been too much for your psyche at that moment.

So you decided to go. You went, and it was as fun as you had imagined it would be - that is, hardly any. The convention hall was huge and crowded, rows and rows of stalls, crowds and crowds of people. Live panel discussions, cosplayers, flashing lights, bright colors, chatter, laughter, very loud, very lively.

Raphael wouldn't last a minute in that chaos.

"Hell is other people," you thought to yourself, quoting Sartre. If you ever met Raphael, you'd quote Sartre to him too. He must know that you read intelligent books and not just fanfiction. 

Some people might be comfortable going to events and eating alone in restaurants, but not you. It's even worse being the odd one out in a group of odd ones. How come all the others had someone to take along? Where did they find all those people in this godforsaken city?

You talked to a few people and a few people talked to you. Nothing really took off. Your mind was elsewhere, to be fair. You were looking for something in the crowd. 

Someone.

It was absurd, yes, but so was what happened this week with the mod. You had met a few Raphael cosplayers, three at least, but they were...

Well, of course they weren't him. But they did a great job with the clothes and the hair and the make-up, and one had really great prosthetic horns, and you touched them and admired them and praised that particular Raphael for all his hard work in creating them.

They were real people, not video game characters that had come to life, and neither were you. You looked down at your jeans, at your thighs, and thought you should start jogging again, and felt even less comfortable in your own skin. 

Then Neil Newbon came along and things quickly became too chaotic for you.

You decided to take a break and walked down the street until you came across a cosy café - none of that generic chain stuff, but something that tried hard to be authentic with pretty flowers in the windows.

Sitting alone at a table for two, you looked down at your phone and opened the Discord chat because you came here to talk to some real people.

In the main chat, there was a heated debate about whether devils are allowed to torture mortals into signing contracts. Both sides presented arguments based on lore, edition contradictions, past precedents and personal conviction. 

A man's voice interrupted you as you typed your own very elaborated opinion of hellish law. "Excuse me, may I?" he asked, his words slightly muffled by the AirPods.

"Sure," you replied with practiced friendliness, not even looking up. That was always your default answer. It's not like you can say no to this kind of request anyway. 

People ask and do a lot of things out of politeness. That was precisely why you took the AirPods out of your ears.

The moment you lifted your eyes to meet the man's, you learned the true meaning of the word 'jumpscare'. Your body jerked upwards, the table shook and the coffee cup tumbled - narrowly missing Raphael.

Raphael. 

Not a man who looked like Raphael, not a man who was dressed like him - Raphael. 

You weren't sure if you made any sound or uttered any words. You probably yelped.

What you did do for sure was gawk.

His skin tone identical; hair slicked back just right; eyes uncannily accurate in hue and shape - down to every wrinkle. A perfectly realistic rendering. Not the uncanny valley type, no, perfectly believable. This is exactly what he would look like if he were real and swapped his fantasy clothes for a business suit.

So this is what it feels like to go completely insane.

Very banal, actually. You are having a psychotic breakdown and no one is even looking at you, except for an imaginary devil.

"Oh my, my apologies," Raphael said as he quickly grabbed napkins to mop up the spreading lake of coffee on the table. "I did not mean to scare you."

Oh, but he did, very much. You could not breathe, your chest encased in an iron brace of fear. It's you who needs to apologise, and apologise fast, and apologise a lot, and beg for mercy. Especially for liking the Twitter art of him being spit-roasted between Yurgir and Haarlep. 

If you only knew... you would never have clicked on it... absolutely never... all those posts you wrote... 

"Raphael?" you managed to squeak out. “I didn’t mean it, I swear.”

This must be how a deer feels in the headlights of an oncoming truck.

He looked at you, very sincere confusion etched across his handsome face. "Excuse me?"

You drew in a shaky breath, your nostrils flaring as you tried to catch a whiff of cherries under the aroma of fresh coffee, not caring how absurd you appeared. Yes? No? Or was that strawberry jam on his croissant? Have your senses gone haywire? Your mind certainly has.

"You're... you're here to cosplay Raphael?" 

The thought tumbled out of your mouth before it had time to fully form in your head. It was the only explanation that made sense... It didn't, but it made more sense than all the others put together.

Raphael moved closer, pulled up a chair and asked, amused: "I beg your pardon, I'm here to do what to whom?"

The voice. The voice was the same. Andrew Wincott's voice. The man had simply stolen his voice. Or had the man stolen it from him? The movements, the mannerisms, the facial expressions. This man could not be Raphael because...

Well, because this man was real. As real as you were. 

"Raphael," you explained. "From the video game. Are you here to cosplay... to play... Raphael?"

The man gave you a look as if questioning your sanity, and rightfully so. You were also sweating bullets - could he see the damp patches under your hoodie? You pressed your arms against your sides; wouldn't want him noticing.

"I'm hardly an actor," Raphael replied with a polite smile, "although there was a time in my youth when I entertained such ambitions."

He chuckled lightly and took a leisurely sip of his coffee. 

"I'm here to enjoy my espresso, nothing more. I... have never been particularly fond of..." he added with the disdain of a typical middle-aged man, "... video games.”

You had no response for that because Raphael wouldn't be into video games either; that much was believable.

"My office is across the street," he said, pointing towards the office complex opposite you. "Precisely there."

The golden sign on the building across from you, d'Avergni & Partners, told you nothing, except that Raphael had an office job and an office space and a desk and all the things that the devil shouldn’t have because the devil invented them to torture the others.

Raphael was dressed like he had just stepped out of a board meeting. A three-piece slate gray tailored suit, white shirt peeking out from underneath, silk tie and matching pocket square. Of all the modern Raphael AUs, you preferred the Professor one, you voted for it, you had Sucharide’s fic bookmarked. The Professor was more, ugh...

Safe.

As for you, you were wearing a hoodie with your university on it. A clean hoodie, but a hoodie nonetheless. What the hell else would you be wearing to Comic Con? You didn't do your hair. Well, putting it in a ponytail is not doing your hair. Why did you not do your hair? 

"I know, I know, you must be wondering why anyone would toil on a weekend," Raphael continued. That was the last thing you were wondering. "Alas, no rest for the wicked."

"Wicked?" you echoed. You looked at the people in the cafe, sure they were staring at the both of you, but they weren't.

"Oh," he chuckled lightly, "it's just an expression – 'No rest for the wicked.' You've never heard it before?"

"Of course I have," you said, momentarily embarrassed. "Never mind...sorry."

"You have nothing to apologise for," Raphael raised his eyebrows. "In fact, I should be the one to apologise for startling you. May I offer you another cup of... ah, what was that... cappuccino? After twelve? Tsk-tsk, young lady".

Not a single modern man could ever manage to say the words "tsk-tsk, young lady" as charmingly. That was Raphael.

"No bother, I can get one myself," you said quickly, about to stand up. 

He raised his hand slightly and put it down to halt your movement, and for a second you thought he was going to touch you, and if he had, if you had felt the skin of his skin, he would have felt more real and you would have died on the spot from a bursting heart.

"I have no doubt about that. But may I treat you? It would be my absolute pleasure”.

Pleasure. The way he said the word was straight obscene. You couldn't handle the word 'pleasure' coming from a man who had been responsible for more than half your orgasms in the last few months.

So in your daze, you mumbled: "Yeah. Yeah, sure."

Raphael stood up and walked over to the barista. She acknowledged him, so that's one point for him being real and you not hallucinating. Not only did she acknowledge him but she flashed him a goofy grin - clearly smitten.

Of course she is.

You have to take a picture of him. How do you take a picture of someone without their consent without being a total creep?

You don't. It's in the fucking definition; you can't. But you should. Maybe you'll open your camera roll and see someone completely different, and then you'll know it's time to call for mental health services.

Your phone was buzzing with messages, which you quickly swiped away and went straight to the camera. You took a picture of him from behind while he ordered you a coffee. The barista gave you a “fucking weirdo” look. 

Fuck you, you thought, you have no idea what I am going through right now. Then you switched to the camera roll and checked to see if the photo reflected what you saw.

A broad, fit back of a very attractive middle-aged man with lush brown hair, paying for coffee with cash.

You couldn't decide whether this made you feel better or worse.

When Raphael returned with your cup, you had something for him too. "This is the character I was talking about," you said, a screenshot of virtual Raphael ready on your screen.

Anyone who saw the screenshot would say, "Who motion-captured me?" 

Not Raphael. He barely glanced before shrugging and handing your phone back. "Hmm, I see some resemblance, I guess."

Resemblance? What fucking resemblance? There was no resemblance; he WAS Raphael! You were about to argue but he beat you to it: "Why? Were you hoping to meet this...Raphael?" 

His voice dropped an octave and he looked at you intently. He was flirting - openly, unashamedly.

"I...I was," you stammered out. "He's my favourite character."

Brilliant, brilliant line. Dear diary, today I wanted to meet Raphael, my favourite character from my favourite game. So much for quoting Sartre.

"Well now, I'm flattered," Raphael purred, causing you to wriggle uncomfortably in your seat. "I do bear some physical likeness."

That was a massive understatement. 

The man had a disarmingly charming smile. You tried to remember if Raphael had ever smiled like that in the game. It was mostly scowls and grins and smirks, but this kind of smile? You didn't think so. You caught a glimpse of yourself in his hazel eyes, and that was not Tav; that was you. Just you.

Not that you were unattractive or anything. Average. Maybe even a little pretty on a good day. You didn't like yourself very much. Then again, most people don't. That's how the beauty industry makes its money. 

You got your share of attention, some, nothing to brag about. Had two boyfriends, it didn't work out, you used to care, now you don't. Certainly never got any attention from men who looked like him.

Why should this man be interested in you, why? Ah, yes. Your soul. He probably wants your soul. Is it worth much at all? Is it worth coming all the way to Earth? You wanted to apologize to him for going through all this trouble just for you.

"So this event in the convention hall down the street..." he snapped his fingers as if trying to recall a forgotten name.

"Comic-Con 2024," you supplied. "It's huge in fandom culture. TV shows, video games, that sort of stuff.”

"Ah. Not my kind of entertainment - or my kind of audience, for that matter," Raphael said with a slightly raised eyebrow, eyeing the “Astarion approves” badge on your backpack.  "It does remind me of a deal I signed recently."

"Deal?" you asked in a weak voice. He nodded. "What deal? With who?"

"With who? No, I meant the Microsoft-Blizzard acquisition". 

Ah, that kind of deal. The words felt so reassuring, so real, the acquisition. Raphael would have no idea about these words. Raphael wouldn't say "Microsoft". You mean the real Raphael. What the hell is a 'real' Raphael again?

For the first time, you let go of a little tension. You took a first sip of your coffee and leaned back slightly in your chair. 

"Actually, I think these acquisitions are really harmful for the industry," you said. 

Why did you have to be so confrontational? You didn't have anything clever to say about such things, so you spoke the truth instead. Bad idea.

"How candid of you to say that. Well, I’ll be just as candid with you: I am indeed a villain." Raphael grinned. "I hope you can forgive me." 

There went your short-lived relaxation, which lasted less than a minute.  Raphael had just looked at you and said "I am a villain". Challenge him. Tell him it's him because, well, it's him. It can only be him. Tell him you know it's him, and then...

And then what?

"Everybody's got a job to do, I guess", you managed to utter the most generic phrase in existence.

"Isn't that so..." Raphael replied, pausing for a moment before finishing the sentence with your name.

You did not introduce yourself to him. You were sure of it. Absolutely sure. 

"How do you know my name?" you asked, half rising from your chair, raising your voice and quickly lowering it again. "I didn't tell you my name. How do you know it?"

Raphael gestured to your phone, which lay on the table screen between the two of you. Your work ID card was tucked away in its transparent case - something you hadn't needed for a while.

It had your first and last name on it.

"I saw it right before my eyes," he explained. "I thought it was a hint."

"It wasn't," you said.

"Oh, another faux pas on my part then," he said. "At this rate, I owe you something to make up for all my many transgressions. Perhaps dinner?"

You let out a nervous chuckle. One of your popular Tumblr posts had been an impassioned rant about how Raphael had promised a similar in-game offer but failed to deliver despite the many times you gave him the Crown.

"I seem to have absolutely terrified you, and that was not my intention. I insist on making it up to you. If you allow me, of course. I don't want to impose. Would you allow me to?"

He looked at you with the intensity of a man admiring a beautiful woman, his shoulders back and chin slightly up, trying to present himself from his best angle - something you've seen men do before, but rarely (if ever) to you. It was as if he could hang on every word that came out of your mouth, simply because he enjoyed watching your lips move. Raphael looked like he was in love, for Christ's sake.

Your cheeks grew warm. 

"Yes," you replied.

He kept silent for a bit, savouring your answer. 

"Splendid. Where might I collect you?"

It took you a moment to realise that he was asking for your address. Your personal address. Shouldn't he know it already, if he was Raphael? You replied as nonchalantly as possible:

"Why don't I give you my number and we can arrange to meet at the center?"

His expression darkened slightly; you've seen this look in the game before.

No, you shouldn't have said that. You wanted him to like you. 

Desperately.

"You don't trust me?" Raphael's voice dropped an octave or two, playful and just a little threatening.

You felt his breath on your face (cherries?) and the next second you stopped feeling your legs. The attraction that had been simmering inside you for months started boiling over.

Breathe. Pretend it's not Raphael. A man came up to you in a coffee shop and asked you if you trusted him in that kind of tone, leaning in like that. You know what the sensible thing to do would be - get up and walk away. And if it really was Raphael, get up and run away. 

You remained seated and stayed. 

"Just, ugh..." was all you managed to get out of the jumbled thoughts in your head; two coherent sentences so far into the conversation, and both of them made you sound like an absolute madwoman. 

Raphael laughed.

"Of course you don't trust me, that's only prudent, and you seem to be quite an intelligent young lady. But just so we are clear, you and I: you have nothing to fear from me. What is that number of yours?"

Quite an intelligent young lady, the words echoed in your mind and you remembered your naughty anonymous Tumblr confession: I would suck every last drop of cum out of him as long as he kept praising me.

God, everything you've read with him in the main role. Double penetration, double vaginal penetration, pet play... you weren't even into half of it. You hoped Raphael didn’t think you actually wanted him to do all of the things you read with you.

You just liked clicking on random links.

"Do you need something to write it down or...?" you asked hesitantly.

"I will remember," he said curtly. “I do not forget things easily”.

You realised that there was something far more frightening than anything that had happened before: that he wouldn't remember, that he would never call you, and that this conversation and this meeting would end there. 

So you carefully enunciated each number, then took a pen from your pocket and wrote it down on a napkin: it seemed romantic in the movies, but your handwriting and the coffee stain made it look like a secret message from the madhouse.

He grinned and tucked the napkin into the pocket of his suit.

He took the last sip of coffee and then took your hand in his. He touched you. His skin was warm and real and soft and everything you had ever imagined, his touch surprisingly tender. 

Your whole body responded to that tiny crumb of affection, viscerally. You hadn't realized how famished you were for a touch until that moment.

He lifted your hand to his lips and pressed them against yours. His lips were soft too, slightly damp from the coffee.

"I am looking forward to our rendezvous," Raphael murmured against your palm. "Ver much so."

Rendezvous.

In any other situation, a middle-aged man kissing your hand would be downright creepy. But this... this was a fever dream, an illusion, anything but reality. Because there was no way this madness could actually be happening to you.

Was it a bad thing? Was reality ever... this? So unpredictable? So exciting? 

You only snapped out of it when the door closed behind him, but you snapped out hard. You practically threw yourself at the next table, where a group of guys were sitting, their appearance screaming video games - backpacks and scruffy beards, Warhammer-emblazoned T-shirts. 

You grabbed one by the shoulder and hissed urgently: "Guys-guys-guys-guys." Your words came like rapid fire. "Tell me that guy doesn't look exactly like Raphael from Baldur's Gate? That one? On the street behind the window?" 

Damn, you sounded desperate.

"Ah, sorry, never played it," came the nonchalant reply before he turned back to his friends' conversation.

"Baldur's Gate," chimed in another, his face lighting up. "Amazing game. Looks like who?"

"Raphael," you said. "The devil."

The guy laughed, but didn't even look where you were pointing.

"Ah, the two-pump chump?"

You shot a quick glance at Raphael. His eyes met yours through the glass window, and they were cold now; his smile was gone. 

I didn't say that, you pleaded with him in your thoughts. That guy said that. That guy over there. I would never say that.

Your defence of his bed skills stretched from Reddit to Tumblr threads, you argued that Haarlep was slandering him, that Raphael was the best fuck there ever was and you personally vouched for that because you fucked him a thousand times in your head.

"Don't call him that, please," you whispered to the guy. He gave you a confused look when you pointed at Raphael again: "Look at him. The one staring at us. Does he look like him?

Is he real? Do you see him too?

"Ah yes," he admitted with a grin on his face, raising the cup of coffee to his lips, "he sort of does. Yes, he does! Well, I hope he doesn't...oh shit! FUCK!".

The guy's face contorted in pain as he clutched his mouth, jumping, cursing, tears streaming down his face. You could see the skin on his lips reddening and blistering.

"What the fuck?! It's fucking boiling! FUCK! "

The barista rushed over to him, spewing apologies as she tried to handle the situation. You took a step back and glanced at Raphael whose lips were moving subtly - two syllables that matched rhythmically: 'bye-bye' or maybe 'ciao-ciao'. 

It didn't have to be 'ta-ta'. He waved nonchalantly at you.

You waved back.

NEXT: Chapter 3, In Which Larian Introduces The Raphael Romance

[animentality]

Tbh I think it's still legit if you read and like Blue Lock for being so gay (at least subtextually), despite being misogynistic Kaneshiro seems to have sympathy for queer people to a certain degree. Besides the gay sidekick, As The Gods Will also has some other queer side characters (a lesbian, a trans girl, a few more hinted gay boys and a non-binary villain according to my memory) even though not all of them are well-written, the good ones are good. Specifically my most favorite is the gay sidekick Ushimitsu, he's actually a pretty well-rounded character with very strong role as a co-lead in ATGW 2, I never feel like he was disrespected in the story (rather I think he's obviously Kaneshiro's favorite), sure he's got an open ending that can be seen as tragic but it's actually in line of the whole theme of the story and I respect Kaneshiro to commit to writing it rather than just give a copout happy ending and it also proves his gay feelings as real & deep despite heartbreaking.

Now I wish Kaneshiro can have that same energy in writing Bachira as he's in a similar position to Ushimitsu in ATGW but somehow poor bee boy got pushed aside in bllk after U20 arc (probably in favor of more popular Isagi ship with Rin or Kaiser 🙃), I hope he makes good on the promise that Bachira will be a key character later in the series and this time since nobody will die in Bllk I hope Bachisagi will get a deserved happy ending.

well that's the thing, anon.

I feel bad for liking blue lock because it has such a misogynistic creator but it's hard not to cling to something so obviously queer friendly.

like honestly.

there's definitely Japanese media that's queer neutral or queer friendly but blue lock actually feels like it's always on the verge of just being properly queer.

it's not fanservice like free or yuri on ice. it legitimately feels as close to canon as it can get without changing genres. and I think the creator having queer characters in the past gives him some street cred.

i know what homophobia in a manga looks like. it's that awful rapist character from one punch man. this hyper masculine but also hyper feminine muscly man who sexually assaults other men.

it's tokyo ghoul having its only queer characters being pedophiles, rapists, and sex addicts/victims who get sexually assaulted until they're "corrected."

it's having no subtext at all and only ever using gay men as a one off joke and gay women as a fetish.

at least blue lock does seem to respect its characters enough that it takes their hinted at sexualities seriously.

it really doesn't go for the obvious "ewwwwww we're both guys" jokes. it's kept very ambiguous. it's subtle (except when it's not, lol).

the only character who really fits the usual offensive gay anime representation tropes is Shidou, but even him I wouldn't count as bad rep (as the closest to canonically gay character, aside from Bachira).

Shidou might be super flamboyant but he also gets to have the coolest fucking moments in the series. he's not just some pervert, he's a badass. he doesn't just flounder around like some useless weird loser who only exists to be the butt of a joke.

he loves to fight and play soccer and feel alive. he has the coolest aura in the series and everyone is constantly in awe of the ridiculous things he can do.

he's a proper villain, who's out of pocket and insane, but who's also intensely lovable and silly. and honestly portrayed pretty sympathetically. for all his faults, he can be very kind.

there's a lot of depth to him, and honestly, I think Blue Lock is pretty good at not doing anything to suggest oh hahaha homosexuality exists. isn't that funny

plus I think Bachira is canonically gay. we know he's canonically in love with Isagi.

kunigami and aiku are actually confirmed bisexual too.

Shidou and Sae were also highly suspect during u20, to the point where even homophobes cant deny they have something weird going on.

so to me... that's a lot of queer characters who are taken seriously and actually have characters outside of being a joke or a gag. they feel like real people. they have distinct personalities.

the bar is in hell, but it's more than most manga/anime manage.

so I have to give Kaneshiro credit. he's doing as much as he can, without overstepping the boundary I'm sure kodansha has set for him.

it's just a shame he's a sexist. also, I hope Kaneshiro grows a pair.

just have bachisagi get married in the last chapter you pussy.

let Shidou officiate!!!

[dapper-lil-arts]

What's your general opinion on Maud Pie? I've always loved her (especially as someone with autism who struggles with emoting)

Honestly i think shes one of the strongest side characters there is, when it comes to entertainement levels. i apreciate that the show leaves the "Shes so weird" jokes to a minimum, and instead play her personality as just another quirk to play off of. her passions are fun and I like her in Ponyville, if anything, I kind of wish all of the pie sisters became side characters, if just maud was already this good!

Also shes legit funny. She roasts discord and has some fuckin hilarious moments in delivery alone. Not a fan of her boyfriend bc hes just a copy of her, but I do like how horny she is. Like that episode where hes turned to stone and she starts lusting MORE after him. "You got the hunk part right"

[luigisblueoveralls]

Boop!

Luigi x GN! Reader Short

Requested by @jetsoftball15

Summary: Luigi comes home from work in a foul mood and you do something you've always wanted to do in an attempt to make him feel better.

Notes: Fluff. Sorry it's short but I hope you enjoy it!

💚

The front door opening indicated that Luigi was home.

"Hey honey!"

Luigi then slammed the door hard, causing the door to shake. You knew immediately that he was in a bad mood. Luigi hardly was ever in a bad or sour mood, so you knew that this last client was especially rude and nasty. Luigi marched up into y'alls room without saying a word to you. You weren't offended by that, for he didn't want to take his anger out on you. You didn't deserve that. You were cooking mushroom Alfredo for Luigi, his favorite meal and you hoped that would help his mood a little bit. Meanwhile, Luigi was sitting on y'alls bed, fuming with anger. The last client of the day was trying short them of the money they earned while also being a typical snotty rich person. While you and Luigi were middle class, he just wished he could earn more to give you the luxury you deserve. Luigi mostly calmed down and got out of his wet work uniform and put on a t shirt, sleep shorts and some fuzzy socks. He then walked back downstairs and slumply sat at the dining table.

"Bad day?"

"Hmhm." Luigi mumbled out what sounded like a yes.

"I'm sorry I made you some Alfredo." You announced, hoping to get something out of him.

"Thanks." Luigi mumbled.

You nearly sighed in defeat but you weren't giving up. You finished up dinner and served Luigi first. He just stared down at the plate, not eating.

"Not hungry?"

"Just waiting for you, first." He told you.

"You can go ahead, Lui Lu." You call him by his nickname.

Luigi sighed as he started eating. You then sat down with your plate and both ate in silence. It was unusual but you didn't want to press Luigi for it and make him more mad than he already was. He has never raised his voice at you or taken his anger out on you. Luigi would never forgive himself if he ever did that to you.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You offer.

Luigi just shrugged his shoulders.

"You can if you want to, you know."

"It was just…this woman." Luigi starts and you listened intently, "She was trying to short us and was being awfully rude to us."

"How so?" You ask.

Luigi sat his fork down on his plate out of frustration over the woman he dealt with.

"Woman was a bitch." Luigi's face immediately turned red from what he said.

Luigi has never cussed before until now.

"Man, that woman really did make you mad." You joked, but Luigi didn't really react to it.

The tension was so thick that you could cut a knife through it. You weren't sure on what to do until you got an idea. It could go very bad or very good either way. So you decide to go with it. You scooted over to Luigi and sat next to him. Luigi gave you a half smile, while feeling a little better that you sat closer to him but also still irritated from that woman.

"Hey." You call him.

Luigi turned his head towards you, waiting for what you were going to do. You raised a finger and pressed it against his nose.

"Boop."

Luigi was confused as your finger remained on his nose. While his nose was bigger than most people's, you thought it suited him and it made him handsome. You moved your finger away, with Luigi still remaining confused.

"Boop, boop."

You did it again, earning a small smile from Luigi.

"Oh! I'm getting somewhere." You said, booping his nose again.

A legit smile finally grew on Luigi's face. Despite being in such a foul mood for the first time ever, you always knew how to make him smile even though it was your first time dealing with this.

"Boopers." You did it again, wiggling his nose as well.

Finally, a chuckle left Luigi's mouth.

"Now there's the Luigi I know." You said as you leaned in and kissed him on his temple.

Luigi wiped his mouth and mustache of any Alfredo sauce and turned to you.

"You always know how to make me feel better." Luigi told you, admiring you.

When he first laid his eyes on you, he thought you were absolutely stunning and the greatest person alive. He was truly blessed to have you in his life.

"Just a talent I have." You booped his nose again, making Luigi laugh, "just so you know I have always wanted to do that."

"Well I won't mind if you do it from now on if it makes you happy." Luigi wrapped his arm around you in a half hug.

You leaned in and kissed his nose, making his face flush pink. For the rest of the night, the two of you talked it out and ranted about some of the worst customers you've ever dealt with. You both end the night watching TV and cuddling until y'all both passed out on the couch. You two truly loved each other, and you knew y'all would for many years to come.

💚

Sorry for the wait on this! I was feeling under the weather for the past couple of days and I'm finally feeling good enough to write. There's some ideas I want to write I have before I get back to opening up requests but it shouldn't take long at all. Thank you all for your patience and support!!

[cyanoticfireflies]

Hazbin Hotel - Rewatch Thoughts (Episode 1, Part 4)

Charlie gets home and does *not* want to admit just how bad things went, but I think she actually was going to tell Vaggie before she got interrupted to see the new commercial.  But with Vaggie so happy and excited, she can’t just crush her enthusiasm like that, so she lets Vaggie drag her over to the couch.

(Are Angel’s feet *on Husk’s tail?*  Poor kitty.  No wonder he looks so pouty.)

I kind of wish we had seen the finished commercial.  I feel like it was still destined to be a little bit of a mess, honestly.  Vaggie’s few words of delivery are cardboard flat, Alastor is glitching out in the corner, and no one could pull that bottle out of Husk’s claws. 

Also, is the “Now Playing” a joke for us?  It should say something like “Now Open” or “Vacancies” (if any of these guys knew how to run a hotel.)

Niffty is so gleeful at Charlie, Vaggie, and Angel’s anger when it gets interrupted.  Husk is watching their reactions, and Alastor is, as you’d expect, as unconcerned as possible because he’s Alastor.  So much for the outcome of his limb-pulling.

He seems almost as amused as Niffty, just more quietly.

If you’ve never taken the time to read the ticker tape on the 666 News, you should.  It’s one of the awesome things about Vivziepop shows – there are a million little hidden extras.  No lorum ipsum for them!

“The extermination is happening in six months.  This is not a drill!  Confirmed!  Legit!  Fuck!  CFYCBHNJM we all dead soon!!  Why does this always happen to me?”

We watch the countdown go from 358 (365 minus the week it’s been, so that’s spot on) down to 176.  Six months is half a year, and half of a year is 182.5 but even if we take out the seven days half of 358 is 179 instead of 176, so my guess is that this six months takes place over a winter/spring and a short month like February accounts for the lost couple of days.

I’m also guessing it’s 6:50 in the evening – the hands on the clock look the same length to me, but it does seem like a full day has passed rather than it being like 10:35 in the morning.  But since Adam offered Charlie lunch earlier in the episode, I think that means our poor sad girl was either stuck hearing Adam ramble about his hook-ups for literal hours (highly probable), listening to a lot longer rendition of “Hell is Forever” than the rest of us got, or wandered around in a lost daze after the meeting, not wanting to go home and face her failure.

Someone make our poor sad girl a hot cup of tea and put a blanket around her.

This ending scene gets a little time-fucky because it seems like it would have to logically be a flashback.  Unless a body was just laying there for a week and the Exorcists didn’t notice one of their own missing for that long. 

We have no idea if Exorcists give a flip about each other since we only really spend time with the two most extremes (Vaggie and Lute) but they do seem aware of each other if only because all of them are so pissed at Vaggie later. 

(“Boo!”  “We hate her!”)

Someone didn’t notice that their roommate didn’t make it home?

Also, if it wasn’t a flashback then Adam moved up the Extermination before they found the body.  Which I guess they could have if as noted above they moved it up because someone reported an Exorcist missing after the Extermination.  Missing, presumed dead.  But then that also implies that Lucifer just lets them fly their little spy drones around all of the time. 

Maybe he does, but you’d think someone would mention it.

(At what point did Velvette and the other Vees find the head?  Or did it just get popped off so good that it was no where near the rest of the body?)

I love the hypocrisy of the angels here.  “We can go down and murder loads of them just for funzies, but if one of us dies then it’s time to wipe Sinners off the face of Hell.”  Sounds about right. 

So much for a nice holy “turn the other cheek.”  But this is really emphasizing that, to Adam and the Exorcists and very likely Sera, the Sinners have no rights *at all.*  Not even a right to exist, since fighting back against the wiping out of their own soul existence is unacceptable to them.

Also, how do they not know that it was Carmilla that killed the angel?  The Exorcist wasn’t alone when it descended upon her daughters – they had five angels around them on Extermination Day, but there’s only one body, so presumably the other four got away (ran away after seeing Carmilla kill one of their own.)  Do the Exorcists practice “snitches get stitches” or something?

_______

Best Song of the Episode: Hell is Forever

[sgiandubh]

I laughed at your sweet Sam post. Not meanly but I did laugh because yours along with some others over the last few days show how very little there is to actually talk about. This fandom is almost completely dead. I've been here a long time and its been dying as the years and the wait between seasons lengthens and the engagement ceases, but this time seems the worse one by far. Tumblr is dead, Twitter is dead, IG does not lend itself to blog style posts so is also dead. Cast: giving nothing. TPTB: useless photos and occasional BTS videos with no new content/no context. It's a real bummer. I did smile to see Sam's sweet little face though.

Dear Dead Fandom Anon,

I think one of the most interesting things about a fandom experience (first and last, for me) is what you make of it.

Cast keeping it mum? No problem, but still intrigued.

Twitter dead? Twitter has been dead ever since it turned into X, this is barely news. But since it's also politically loaded, I am not going to discuss it: I have my red lines and do not see fit dragging my daily life in here.

Tumblr dead? Make no mistake: Tumblr is dormant. But throw this crowd something, like I inadvertently did with those old S&C pics, and just watch your clicks explode. This crowd is always hungry for more. Always. And mind you, people will still hang around at least until this show is over. Some to see the end of it, others to taunt the opposing faction, in a completely useless attempt to do some missionary work. So nope: not yet.

IG is, of course, a joke. It's primarily for selling a media profile to future studio honchos, agents and all the other Hollywood types you'd wish to work with in the foreseeable future. The day those uber-excitable ('SHOUTING, SCREAMING, THROWING UPPP TO SEE MY PARENTS LIKE THIS' - yes, this is fandom legit jargon, Anon) women will understand they are a tradeable digital commodity like any other is the day Insta will begin to crumble. We are not there yet and so I suppose we'll see more of those (young?) people shouting, and screaming and throwing up in celebration of 'their wonderful friendship for life' (🙄). Or C's make-up, since that's just about all she's showing her sans-culottes. Or S's biceps, since that's just about all he's showing his mommies (spare for the booze- and no, FMN not coming soon in a liquor store near you: moi aussi, je suis désolée). Your pick.

As for ***, well... Never ever in my life have I seen a company so endeavored to destroy whatever it managed to build, in terms of audience success, in such a short time span. Whoever planned the current wreck should get the sack, sooner or later and they have only themselves to blame.

Thankfully, this series will be over and done with. It is my deepest wish, Anon. And then, we shall see. We shall live and we shall see.

Keep calm and carry on: that's your (our, really) boredom speaking.

[writebackatya]

I wish I could talk about Timephoon! without it being about “discourse”

I legit think it’s a good episode

I like to joke about it because I think the episode has some funny stuff in it and I just think the controversy is silly

A lot happens in that episode other than that scene

It’s like The Exorcist of DuckTales 2017. People are always so focused on a small part of the overall story. Not saying the impact is small, but it’s like a quick scene compared to everything else in that episode

[showtoonzfan]

I watched Sarcastic Chorus’s video on if “Unhappy Campers” fixed Millie or not, and I really liked it, because it actually brought up the giant elephant in the room that the fandom won’t acknowledge. While this episode certainly does have Millie in it and we actually get to see her vulnerable about herself for once, she still was attached to Moxxie, and at the end of the day, he was the one who got more focus, with the episodes plot being more about him and his journey.

It was Moxxie who was put in charge of the investigation and planned for him and Millie to dress up as brother and sister to eliminate suspects. It was Moxxie who wanted to show his worth to Blitz in that he could handle a job. It was Moxxie who tried to bond with the kids but ended up being made fun of and making him insecure. It was Moxxie who ended up getting jealous at Millie for all the fame but couldn’t snag the attention no matter how he tried, and also couldn’t find the suspect. It was Moxxie who ended up snapping at her, but needed to realize in the end that he was a being a dick. It was Moxxie who had the character focus and growth to change his actions at the end of the episode.

—-

Millie for the most part, did what she always did, stood by at Moxxie’s side and supported him. She may have finally got a song, but most of it was fluff and just animation eye candy, showing off her skills, something the audience already knew she was good at. I don’t think fans realize this, but the argument scene she has with Moxxie is legit the ONLY scene in the entire episode where she’s in the spotlight that actually has to do with her character, because the rest was focused on Moxxie at the front. Not that there’s something entirely wrong with that, but it is the bare minimum, especially since what fans want is her to be purely the focus and not just trotting along with another character.

Her feeling happy for once that others aren’t screaming in agony at her is one thing, it could actually make sense and I wouldn’t find it hard to believe, however as everyone else keeps saying, her randomly spewing about how she finally feels like she’s important and “something to be proud of” makes no sense within the narrative, because Millie has always been a strong killing machine, painted as a really good assassin with her family, Blitz, AND Moxxie praising her. She legit has no reason to feel like she isn’t important or something to not be proud of, because she’s always been portrayed as really strong, saving Moxxie millions of times and helping the IMP gang out. And for all the audience has seen and knows, she’s very happy go lucky and loves her job, her co workers, and her family, so this small bit of character exploration feels half assed, unearned, and not thought through.

__

Finally, the most funny thing about this episode is that Moxxie needs to learn to let Millie shine since she always supports him, and yet the writers struggle with that themselves. Even when Millie finally does have her “big moment” that she was talking about, it’s just an anime montage of her doing stunts and playing the guitar, while the ACTUAL plot of Moxxie trying to kill the target and fighting Barbie is going on at the front, and even ends with the target dying before cutting back to hell later. Millie doesn’t even get any lines, how nice would it have been to see more…like what if she felt bad for her fans since she’s never coming back, or what if she looks through the pictures of her phone of the camp friends she made and wishes she still had that? Feeling sentimental? For Pete’s sake, you’d think after spewing about how much she feels like she isn’t valued, Blitz and Moxxie would confront her in the end and we’d have some heart felt scene of them reassuring her they care and her deciding to be more open. We get none of that, it’s not only wrapped up so quickly, but ends with Moxxie himself, getting the credit from Blitz he wanted, only to end on an unfunny joke of Blitz calling him a disgrace before the credits roll, so we legit close out on Moxxie and Blitz instead of Millie herself.

Putting the bad writing aside, “Unhappy Campers” definitely didn’t fix Millie’s lack of depth and focus, but I would say it’s a small start, wether the writing is dog shit or not, and wether we had to wait this damn long for crumbs or not. At the end of the day, this episode in my opinion opens more of a door to more potential on actually fleshing Millie out….but I do have my doubts, as not only do we have to wait until season 3 for Millie to get the focus again, but Viv and Adam really do make it clear that they have no idea on how to flesh Millie out without attaching her to Moxxie, since the upcoming ghost demon episode has her trying to off herself because she feels like she’s holding him back and a bad wife. I’d say I hope she gets more in the future, but I’m done believing in Viv and Adam. For Millie to work, I feel like she just needs new writers man, cause these writers clearly don’t care for her enough to put the work in and flesh her out and focus on her, bc they suffer from biased favoritism regarding the other characters. Millie will always deserve better and I honestly don’t think it’ll get better for her from here on out. Someone take the rights for her out of Viv and Adam’s grasp and give her the attention and development she deserves lol.

[ihopeinevergetsoberr]

hi lol me again,,, the cunterpart enjoyer ;),,,the way I have have literally spent this whole time chain smoking (bad habit ik) and reading ur entire masterlist on my porch is not even funny ur writing has consumed my very soul and being its so so so so s o o good ur characterisation of vik is EXACTLY how I imagine him to be he's soft and sweet but still has his sassy personality and his incredible intelligence with just the perfect amount of confidence and I love that u didn't water him down to just sad self pitying man with a cane

in all seriousness (not to like trauma dump or anything lmao) but coming from a person with a very similar disability to viktor and uses a cane also it truly warms my heart that u made it part of him without it being the ONLY thing about him yk?? its so refreshing to see someone wrote him in a way that he still is independent and stands up for himself especially after I have spent so long being self conscious about my cane thinking it would make people view me as weak or frail or in need of saving or whatever

ANYWAYS apologies for the ramblings I did not mean to yap this much but long story short THANK YOU YOUR INCREDIBLE and fuck those sexist chess men 🙄🙄

🖤💕

okay you got me tearing up again. that’s legit the sweetest thing i’ve ever received on this app. like no joke.

the smoking part: babes you were chain-smoking while reading it, and i was chain-smoking while writing it FOR YOU 😭 that is so real, but if you wanna quit i wish you the best of luck with that, you got this

i’m so HAPPY that i managed to warm your heart. i’ve always been worried about writing viktor the right way. viktor is such a unique character and i like exploring him so much, there’s so much things i’d like to say about him in my fics, he truly is one of a kind. i’m very happy that you approve of my personal vision of him, i just love it when my headcanons allign with the audience :,,,)

DO NOT EVER APOLOGISE FOR RAMBLING ANON. I LOVE IT. BRING IT IN. I HOPE YOU HAVE THE BEST DAY POSSIBLE LIKE ACTUALLY

[queermediaismypassion]

it makes me feel like some old grumpy grandpa but i'm honeslty so pissed about the live-action HTTYD

disclaimer:

i don't care that astrid isn't a white blonde scandinavian girl. the vikings have scottish accents and dragons, who gives a shit if they're not "historically accurate" with their casting ?

i don't care that ruffnut isn't a stick figure. her actress looks fine and they're obviously gonna cast for talent over looking exactly like an animated character. these are NOT the things i take issue with.

the first thing that bothers me is that this is just another fucking remake. i want NEW STORIES god damnit. the original is not that old and holds up really well to this day. yeah, the human characters in the first movie look a little rough by today's animation standards, but it's not bad enough to warrant a remake.

the second thing ? i saw toothless' design yesterday and i was wondering why they just inserted animated toothless in a live action environment. i legit thought it was a joke at first. he looks like those "RGX on" memes and it drives me crazy that people are saying it looks good cause it just doesn't ?? it throws the entire aesthetic of the movie off and it straight up just looks visually unappealing.

(i'm not saying they should drastically change the dragon designs, that would obviously be a dumb idea, but you gotta do more than just re-texture the animated dragon if you want it to look realistic at all. it's giving maxis match vs. alpha CC blended terribly with the environment for my fellow sims players)

third and final point is i'm sick of watching great stories be adapted into a worse medium for the story. if a story is a huge success in a less-popular medium i understand the urge to adapt it into a more popular one, but it can't always be done. at least not well. some books simply can't be adapted while doing the story justice and that's okay. just leave it be.

i'm also sick of seeing adaptation treated as "lesser" because that's the vibe i'm getting from this. "httyd FINALLY adapted in live action" SHUT UPPP. there's loads of live action stuff i watch and wish was animated instead but you'll never see it done that way because people constantly look down on it as a medium for children's stories when it's so much more than that ! did we learn nothing from spider-verse and arcane ??

[eisforeidolon]

Jensen: How you doin'?

Jared: I'm doing well, man. I can't believe it's -

Audience member: Did you poop?

Jared: December of '23.

Jensen: [to audience member] What did you just say?

Audience member: Rich said he was pooping. So I said -

Jensen: Okay, alright, it's gonna be one of those shows. She's like, "Didja poop?"

Jared: Recently? I have in my life, yes. Have y'all? No? Oh, bull-

Jensen: Alright, okay.

Jared: Here's a question, here's an honest, like, weird trivia question. You know why they say that's bullshit, meaning that's not worth anything? It's because bull manure has no nutritive value. So you can use cow manure -

Jensen: [stares, drops his mic to his leg with a thwack]

Jared: C'mon! It's not a dad joke, it's a legit thing! So bull shit is useless. So when they're like, oh, that's bullshit, saying - It's been fun, guys! [acts like he's leaving]

Jensen: And that's Jared's last panel at Creation. Fun facts by Jared Padalecki.

Audience member: Love you, Jared!

Jared: I love you, too, thank you. Suck it, Ackles. She loves me.

Jensen: Well, that's - you've got one.

Jared: And that's not bullshit.

[More audience yelling affection for both]

Jensen: Okay, alright, that's worth - good.

Jared: [fake annoyed] What fun factoid did Jensen give you? None!

Audience member: I love your eyes!

Jensen: What?

Jared: [laughing] I love his eyes. [fans self] I'm right next to him.

Jensen: This is going off the rails and we haven't even started yet.

Jared: Let's get this train back on the tracks. Not gonna waste y'all's time, let's start over here. Howdy!

[...]

Question: If Sam and Dean had to go into the djinn - like got hit by the djinn again, what do you think their djinn dreams would be now?

Jared: Geez. Starting off hot!

Question: This question's been brewing for a couple months, so.

Jared: That's amazing!

Jensen: If - what - in - like after, at this point in the?

Jared: I think probably the same. I think, I think so? [turns to Jensen]

Jensen: Yeah, I think that's probably the go-to thing, is for both, they always dreamed of this kind of slice of normalcy. Even though they know that that's not something that would have ever worked for them? I think they still hold that in their, kind of, idea of what they missed.

Jared: Yeah, I always thought also, recently, I feel like Dean, funny enough? Would have dreams about abandoned barns that didn't have rebar sticking through [makes violent poking motion with finger] - too soon? Do you know that bullshit has no nutritive value, to be used as manure? But that's my thought.

Jensen: Neither does this answer, [Jared laughs] so it's -

Jared: [to questioner] What do you think?

Question: I don't know, I think it could be the same. I think maybe, at least from my interpretation, I think it would maybe be different after they met their mom, because I always thought that Dean saw her in such high regard and then when he actually met her, it's not that it lowered, but it kinda gave him more realistic expectations of her meeting him.

Jensen: Yeah, I think that may have shed some light into what that relationship, what the history was behind that? But I still think Dean would have this, this wishful idea of what life could have been. [Jared nods] Even though he knew, or knows more, I think he still maybe held that as a bit of a dream. Even though he knows it would never really be like that, but still.

[drbtinglecannon]

for the character ask: genshin asogi? 👀

Everything during canon happened because of the professor case... Heh, could say London really felt Genshin's Impact 🥁

How I feel about this character

Sorry Kazuma I have a lot of unholy thoughts about your dad

Haha but really I have a lot of conflicting hcs for him, like I imagine he was very serious and focused, but I also like imagining he was snarky and comedically strict about his opinions like Kazuma is (like why he wore the hackimaki in the first place or the over the top manner he talks about Karuma, etc). It's bittersweet when a character is soooo bare bones in canon, because sure I can imagine anything and it'll never be contradicted in canon! But also I want information!!! Tell me about them!!!!!

Anyway regardless of other traits I'm munching over, I always stick with he and Klint were genuinely extremely close, like Herlock&Yujin level, and they shared a joking mean humor in private like calling each other a twat over any little inconvenience

All the people I ship romantically with this character

His own wife haha, Klint, and Klint & Lady B

Kazuma has enough issues so his parents not really caring about each other doesn't do it for me. Legit tho it isn't compelling to me to think they were a loveless marriage, the only point to it I can remember being was she wasn't mentioned in his final letter, but there's bittersweetness to explaining that away as out of a sense of paranoia that it would be wishing ill on them so he had to stay quiet until he made his escape, which..we know how that went. I think them having a loving marriage also kinda ties up the original study students, with Genshin having a wife and child he's leaving, Yujin losing his wife but gaining a newborn he has to leave behind, and Jigoku not having a spouse or kids, and it mirroring each Londoner they attached to (Klint has a wife and a baby on the way by the end but loses both, Herlock loses Yujin but gains a newborn, and Stronghart never takes a family). Genshin can almost relate to Yujin too, their wives are no longer around and they have young kids back home, but he still was expected to be able to return to her one day, and his fate is so similar to Klint's, they both lose their wives and their kids end up losing their connection to the family & being taken in by someone else (iirc Kazuma is kind of cut off from the Asougi clan after they learn his dad died and was outted as "a killer"), those parallels work better if Genshin and his wife were mutual love.

Genklint had an insane unhinged yaoi ending like the homoeroticism of a duel to the death for the honor of your friend that fell so far but you still cared about him too much to leave him like that... when it would've been way smarter for them to team up and kill Stronghart then Genshin tell Klint "no more killing or istfg >:(" and that's that. I also love the mutual suffering that is Barok & Kazuma going back to the prosecutor's office after 2-5 and just staring into the room with the deepest eyebags and deadest expressions like "they definitely fucked in here"

Genklintville is just the ultimate version of genklint haha. It makes it all so much hotter AND tragic! And what more could we ask for from their canon endings

My non-romantic OTP for this character

Genshin & Yujin is a fun relationship I think about a lot. I wonder if they were both jealous of their respective British bestie for being able to get so much closer than they ever were with each other? Was Genshin the shoulder Yujin cried on during the boat trip to London and during the time before he met Herlock? Yujin went above and beyond to help Genshin when he was arrested, and maybe if Genshin listened to him on getting extradited he would've survived, but also Yujin cared so much for him to not only go to Lady B at his request but take Kazuma in once all the dust settled. Idk, I'm not sure I'd call them an OTP but they're a favorite non romantic dynamic for both characters

My unpopular opinion about this character

Ok so there was a post from a blog I love that used pixels from the games to determine character heights and deemed that Genshin was 6' tall based on that information, and I've seen a number of fics describe Genshin as very tall, and I vehemently disagree. Genshin was at most 5'10, taller than average and a tiny bit taller than Kazuma, but still noticeably shorter than Klint & Barok. I will die on this hill

One thing I wish would happen/ had happened with this character in canon

Lived haha but really I can't think of anything that wouldn't drastically change canon (him living, them killing Stronghart, him actually escaping, etc) that like is actually impactful for his role in the story. Not that I don't love AUs but I like leaving this all as my sandbox and not canon. I guess I wanna know his height so I can be correct that it's not 6' tall haha!

[the-gayest-show]

Review Bomb! (The Treble With Rivals - Potazel Hazel)

Hi, it's me again! I'm back with another review bomb bc i missed episodes at their airing times and watched some a bit out of order lol

I'm a bit more prepped this time so these reviews come with pictures! (Oooh! Ahhh!)

Enjoy!

The Treble With Rivals:

Mmm, music episode! Goes crazy knowing I can play violin and all but that's besides the point. The point is: we got a new fairy! And new fairy lore? THERE'S A MUSIC WORLD???

Seriously, this place fucks. I love it. I always love it when FOP A New Wish adds new fairies and stuff so music fairy is such fun!

LOOK AT HER DESIGN ITS COOL AF

I liked the OST of this episode tbh, the composers put some good moves into an episode based purely on music.

I also really liked the intro card this time, small detail I know, but the contrast yellow v blue was so fun!

I feel like this episode is *partially* a commentary on school bands/orchestras and how they interact with one another, even if unintentional. I say this because I was in my school's string orchestra this semester and I noticed that there's a whole community of music and little inside jokes (eg. viola slander in the strings community) and stuff so this sorta felt like that. Every band/group has their own little status (especially with size) and this episode showcased a bit of that relationship between music groups that I've witnessed (not that I've ever seen a whole ass rivalry but you get the point I hope).

My one singular complaint is that I felt the "erased music" plot was underwhelming? Like I read the description and thought it'd be a lot bigger in scale (I guess more action? More suspense? Takes up the whole episode?) but it wasn't... which I mean this was alright and all but somehow I thought it'd be a lot more adventurous.

Rattleconda Racers:

Peak episode! It's one of those episodes that likes to play around with setting and such, this time we were essentially stuck in movie style aspect ratio until the end when we went back to 16:9 (mmmm television proportions my beloved)

I liked the dive into the relationship between Hazel and her brother Antony! We saw a bit of them meeting up in The Treble With Rivals but not much of their relationship. I feel like it's super cute! Hazel still seems to be unable to adjust to how different her brother is and how he's got all those new experiences and it makes her feel disconnected and wanting everything to be back to the way it used to be, as shown through the game, where Hazel tries to get Antony to follow the game's path while Antony would rather go around the path and explore beyond.

It's a metaphor for change and excepting change, and how everything around both siblings changed so much (Antony going to college, Hazel moving to a new town) and how they both adjust to their new life.

I liked their little moment of making up with each other after Hazel gets increasingly mad that they aren't playing the game the way they used to, it's a sweet scene and I liked it.

Side note: ADORED Cosmo and Wanda's outfits this episode.

HOW CAN YOU NOT LIKE THESE??!! THEY LOOK FIRE AS HELL!!!! Wanda especially with that dress it legit slays on her to be honest. Cosmo with the cowboy attire and "Cosmo the Kid" nickname is so funny

I also liked the side thing of Wanda really playing into her character but Hazel not letting her. YOU GO GIRL! BE DRAMATIC!! THE PLOT CALLS AND BECKONS FOR IT!!!!

Overall this was one of those fun episodes with a good message and character developments of Hazel and Antony (who we get a proper intro to as well!)

I remember many a people wondering if Antony shows up, then what? Since Hazel in the first episode really revolved around missing her brother and not dealing with moving to a new town, people thought she wouldn't need the fairies afterwards. At least, I think I saw stuff like that but I might as well clear this out of the way. I think Hazel has a lot of internal issues to get through, and she still needs her fairies, and it's pretty evident in this episode.

Dig A Little Deeper:

A fun episode that was basically Hazel having a special interest in geology and the lengths Hazel will go to make a perfect presentation about rocks. It's so rad! There's not really much to say about it. I liked the rock monsters and the adventures, it was quite fun!

The bedazzled wands were a hit with me tbh. I would totally own a bedazzled wand.

AND WE GOT PERI!!!!!!!!!! HE'S BACK!

Potazel Hazel:

[Me when I forget the name of the episode so it surprised me that this is the episode name]

I thought this was a cool as fuck episode.WE GOT ANOTHER NEW CHARACTER WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Mother Nature got that epic design and you can't argue with it. It's cooler than the music fairy' design and I thought she was neat! I'm ADORING the expansion to fairy lore we've been getting, the writers really know what they're doing. God I love this show

Overall this episode was really great! A good one about eating a healthy, balanced meal and such. Great for kids I guess

There was a great fucking song in this one too! I love how Hazel's VA sings, the songs are pretty damn good in this show!