#i wish i was a better brother to my sister
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behind closed doors
BROTHER'S BSF!THEO NOTT x FEM READER (18+)
summary you're his best friend's little sister—off-limits, right?
warnings smut, theo's mean, fluff, angst i guess, idk
a/n guysssssssssss new week new obsession......soz send help
masterlist
being your older brother's best friend, theo was at your house all the time.
that meant he'd see you almost every day. the most gorgeous girl he'd ever seen, floating around. so close yet so far, always out of reach.
he knew he'd never be able to have you, no, your brother would never allow that. so he did the only other thing he could think of—be mean to you.
so he tormented you every day. called you names, even waited on your bed for you to come home so he could insult you about something new. you suspected it was just his way of getting to see you every day.
he acts like you're the biggest pain in the ass, just his best friend's annoying little sister. but the second nobody's looking? his hands are on you.
—
sleeping with him is casual, no strings attached. theo sneaks out of your brother's room at night after he's fast asleep, making sure that he never ever finds out what's going on.
when your brother is finally out of town for the weekend, theo still comes over. the two of you are watching a movie on the tv in your room, lying on your bed. his arm is wrapped around your shoulder, your head leaning against his chest. his other hand traces up and down your inner thigh under the blanket.
it's one of those rare moments in the in-between.
in-between fucking and being at each others' throats.
theo's hand slips lower, toying with the waistband of your pink lace panties. he traces over your wet cunt, chuckling under his breath, "amore mio, you're dripping, just for me, huh?"
"shut u—" you're immediately silenced when theo plunges two long fingers into your pussy.
a smug smile spreads across his face, “you’re squeezing me so tight, you’re gonna break my fingers aren’t ya? if your brother knew how much you think about me, he’d probably hex you himself.”
“t-theo, stop talking about my brother and start moving your damn fingers.” you pants, writhing against the palm of his hand, aching for some friction against your clit.
“as you wish, amore mio.”
—
one night, you’re sneaking back in after a party. your hair is disheveled, makeup smudged, slightly tipsy and boots in your hand as you try to close the front door as quietly as possible.
theo is the last person you expect to see. you curse under your breath. why is he always in your damn house?
the open kitchen layout gives him the perfect view of you sneaking back in at 3am. he’s leaning against the kitchen counter, grey sweatpants hanging low, black tshirt hugging his biceps. he drinks from a glass of water, a dark look on his face.
you roll your eyes as you put your boots down on the floor, preparing yourself for what’s to come.
“a bit late, isn’t it, piccola?”
you roll your eyes and brush past him, opening the fridge to grab some orange juice. gulping down the juice, you reply, "it's really none of your business, nott."
wrong answer.
before you can react, he's in front of you, blocking your path. he's so much taller, broader than you. the amused glint in his eye is gone.
"see, that's where you're wrong," he murmurs, tilting your chin up with two fingers so you meet his gaze, "it is absolutely my business, because we wouldn't want you messing around with young, dumb, horny boys would we?"
his forearms rest on either side of your head, pinning you against the refrigerator.
"oh yeah? and what are you?" you scoff.
"oh, bella, you already know the answer to that."
and you do. he's stronger, older, perhaps even more mature (when it comes to anything other than you) than whatever company you're keeping.
"i swear, you'd better not tell my brother about this." you groan, ducking under his arms as you beeline for the sink.
"there's no such thing as a free lunch, piccola."
and that's how you end up on your knees in your bedroom, short skirt hiked up as you gag around his fucking massive cock. his hands are tangled in your hair, mercilessly forcing you to take in every inch of him. tears stream down your face, spit pooling at the corner of your mouth. you look like a mess, but at that moment as theo looks down at you through half-lidded eyes, he swears he's never seen a prettier girl than you.
you look up at theo and take in the sight before you. his head is thrown back, hair messy. his jaw is clenched, and he smirks at you. you run your hands over his chest and toned abs, clawing at his biceps.
he's perfect.
—
oh, and when he catches you at a party?
it's over.
he drags you out by your wrists, forcing you into his blacked-out mercedes. he's driving well over the speed limit, desperate to get off the road before he loses his shit.
he'd seen you dancing with some guy you knew from down the street, dress too short, too tight, too low-cut.
he has one hand on the steering wheel, another running through his hair as his jaw clenches.
"didn't take you for the easy type, but i guess i shouldn't be surprised. you're not special, you know. boys will say anything to get them what they want."
his words hit like a slap. your stomach twists, and for a second, all you can do is stare at him, lips parted and heart pounding.
you want to ask what the hell he's talking about, but you already know.
he saw you dancing with that guy. saw the way his hands slid down your waist, how he leaned in close and whispered things in your ear. how you let out that sweet laugh, one that always made theo want to say "fuck it" and just kiss you in front of everyone. he saw the way you let it happen.
and he hated it.
and now he's punishing you for it.
when you remain silent, he continues, "you looked fucking ridiculous in there, you know that?"
and you feel so silly. to think that that evening, you'd picked out your favourite dress, made sure your makeup looked good, just in hopes that theo would notice you at that party.
"you're being cruel, theo. stop it." you murmur, turning to stare out of the window. you don't even notice that you've started crying.
when you finally notice, you wipe it away quickly. you hope that theo didn't notice, but of course he did. at that moment, he pulls into the driveway of your house, turning off the engine.
theodore nott has seen a lot of things—but he has never seen you cry like this. and definitely not because of him.
and it makes something in his chest clench.
"oh, for fuck’s sake—" his voice drops, no longer sharp but still frustrated. he drags a hand through his hair, exhaling harshly, like he’s angry at himself now, too.
for a moment, he doesn’t say anything. he just stares at you, at the way you’re biting your lip, blinking rapidly, trying so hard to hold it in.
then? he moves.
his hand reaches for your thigh, fingers curling around it, grounding. not forceful, but firm.
"hey." his voice is softer now, rough but not cruel.
"don't do that. don't fucking cry over me."
you try to shift away, but theo's grip tightens. not rough—just enough to make you stay.
"i didn't mean—fuck." he sighs again, shaking his head.
his thumb brushes against your knee, almost like a reflex, and for the first time ever, he looks uncertain.
"look at me."
you don't. you can't.
so he makes you.
his fingers curl beneath your chin, tilting your face towards him.
he isn't angry anymore. not at you. not really. his jaw is still clenched, his brows furrowed, but now? he looks almost desperate. like he wants to fix everything he's done, but he doesn't know how.
"i didn't mean it like that, bella."
you sniff, voice shaking slightly, "then how did you mean it?"
and that's when he just sighs. a weak, defeated sigh escapes the big bully of a man.
"i just—fuck, i don’t want to see you with other guys, alright?"
"why? we're not anything. you've made it clear, multiple times."
silence follows. his grip tightens.
then, he finally speaks. rough, low, honest.
"because i want you to be mine."
for a moment, you just stare at him.
his confession hangs in the air between the two of you. you're still hurt, still pissed. but something inside you shifts.
"say it again." your voice is quieter now, still laced with frustration but weaker.
theo's jaw clenches. he’s not used to being this vulnerable. but he doesn’t look away.
"I want you to be mine."
and then he moves. his hand slides to the back of your neck, fingers threading into your hair. he hesitates for just a second, like he’s giving you a chance to stop him.
but you don't.
so he kisses you.
it's not soft. not at first. it’s heated, desperate, full of all the tension that had been boiling between you. his grip is firm, like he’s afraid you’ll pull away. but you don’t—you kiss him back just as fiercely, hands tugging at his shirt, anchoring yourself to him.
it’s messy and overwhelming and everything you’ve both been pretending not to want.
when he finally pulls back, both of you are breathless.
"we’re so fucked," you whisper.
theo smirks, brushing his thumb across your swollen lips. “yeah. but you like it.”
and the worst part?
you do.
#📓—leawrites#theodore nott#theo nott#theodore nott angst#theo nott angst#theodore nott smut#theo nott smut#theodore nott x reader#theo nott x reader#harry potter
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babygirl you're the one writing like an insane 13yo xoxo. this is goodbye now. you have more than proven yourself a completely misinformed and angry idiot and conversation with you has no further purpose because you cannot be bothered to see me, like me the real person typing this right now, with like, wants, needs, a bunny I'm fostering, glasses, a weighted fox plush, a mom and a dad, as a human being, but instead as a strawman to be yelled at and yelled at and yelled at. you couldn't even be bothered to click on my blog. it says 22 right there.
being angry all the time sucks. I hope someday you decide to change. I'm not trying to be condescending, honest. idk who you are, if you like weighted stuffed animals or think they're for babies and it's weird I have one as an adult. idk if you like pineapple on pizza. idk if you have a sister or a brother. idk what your silly wishful dreams are. you know, the stuff that makes us human. but we're both just human, man. it's scary times out there. I'm angry a lot too.
lotta people yelled at me on this post. they assumed things about me without checking, because they see "zionists" as this inhuman monolith. but it ain't true. all humans are humans. even zionists. I hope things get better for you, man. I hope they get better for both of us. I hope they get better for gazans. I started this response in a different place to where I'm finishing it. idk I just got to thinking, like, what if we could grab a pizza. would we be able to have a civil discussion over pizza? or would you yell at me until I cried (not very difficult to to, I'm rather sensitive). idk. maybe you think I'm fucking with you. I'm not. I'm just some guy. idk. well. that's all I've got to say.
everyone wants to punch nazis but nobody wants to help the people nazis want to slaughter.
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my pets across the multiversal tapestry to which i shift . pt 1 [main four dr’s] :
BETTER CR —
whiskey the brown-grey tabby
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the strangest little snickerdoodle i’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. technically, whisk is my boyfriend’s cat. his sister wanted one but after getting whiskey, the little guy ended up preferring my boyfriend over everyone else in their family T^T it’s kinda funny. he loves climbing my boyfriend like a jungle gym and honestly, i can’t blame the bugger bcs i look at my 6’3” tower of a nerd and i want to climb him too. this kitty’s the judgiest mf i’ve ever seen, and i love him, the little diva
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
MARAUDERS DR —
sadie / sadie sue the orange tabby
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sweetness and citrus honey if it were to take the form of a feline lady. sadie (or sadie sue) is — as i’ve mentioned before — my ‘bangāru thalli’ which directly translates to golden child (femme pronouns). i found her between the violets and daisies of my mum’s flower garden. i convinced my parents to keep her and she became the closest thing i have to a sister. she loves following me around, and laying on me, and pretending to love my mother more than me ..
barnaby the brown barn owl
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my dad bought barney after james got his hogwarts letter, so technically i share this prickle footed darling with my brother . which is fine.. it is. anyway, my dad also named him barnaby bcs . barn owl. which he thought was very clever. barnaby loves landing on my head, sharp talons and all .. so that’s always amusing, and he likes sneaking nibbles of our toast in the morning whether it’s at home or at the gryffindor table
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
KPOP DR —
gobi the west highland terrier
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me and my members received rewards for our first win from our company. each member asked for something different and me? i asked for a dog. and yes, i named him after cauliflower . he’s a curious comet of energy, always fascinated by mundane things, truly a child seeing the world for the first time. i know technically i got him and named him and wtv, but honestly speaking, he’s the group’s dog, the girls and i all raised him together, we trained him together, he’s our collective child and the goodest boy
gizmo the orange-white tabby
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a menace. period. idk where he gets off on being this maniacal but he’s good at it, truly the king of the dorm. technically he’s my cat, and considering the absolute shenanigans he gets into? my members don’t wanna claim ownership of that .. i found him as a kitten, lost and alone, during the mv shoot of my solo debut. immediately knew i had to keep him. and i guess he remembers, bcs out of all the people he’s interacted with, i’m his favourite (yes, that is a brag) tho.. i wish he liked jungwon more T^T
𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒
ARROWVERSE DR —
bruno the black stray turned house cat void
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he kinda just showed up? out of nowhere? welcomed himself into the apartment and roamed around rubbing his scent everywhere. he truly took one look at me and barry and was like “yep, you’re adopting me. scratch that, i’m adopting you. now feed me” and we stan. creepily calm for a cat who’s seen the streets, really friendly too like . damn. you’d think barry and i are his favourite but the next thing you know he’s cuddling with cisco or purring on harry’s lap or sitting next to caitlin while she checks her reports. so in that way he’s team flash’s cat, free reign of star labs. barry and i just house him i guess -_-
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chaai brews; tea assortments — dr archive
2025 © chaaistained
#by chaaistained#chaai chats ≈#better cr#better cr dr#marauders dr#marauders shifting#hogwarts dr#hogwarts shifting#harry potter dr#harry potter shifting#kpop dr#kpop idol dr#kpop shifting#kpop girl group dr#girl group dr#clarity dr#arrowverse dr#arrowverse shifting#dc dr#dc shifting#the flash dr#shifting#reality shifting#shiftblr#shifting script#loablr#loassumption
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GIGGLY BUGS (pt3)
pt.1 / pt.2
switches! dae-ho, in-ho, jung-bae, gi-hun
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(A/N): hii, sorry if i was absent for quite a long time. i would recommend yall to read pt.1 cuz it will kinda like make more sense then. uhm. anyway, i've bought a new book and that's kinda my new hyperfixation..(the name's crime and punishment ehe!! ><) yhh fuck me third fic i wrote, life is hard cant do this no more no joke sobbs. yaaa hope you enjoyyy!! i wish my wiriting was as good as how i decorate my posts..but im glad how this turned out!! ehe so happi :3
feedback helps/srs.
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this was it.
number 388 was trapped.
...and revenge was in sight!!
In-ho chose to vent his embarrassment on Dae-ho, taking the teasing a bit too far, even though it was Jung-bae's plan. Poor guy was fully aware he was destined to be the next target.
"wait wait wait. why..why me??" Dae-Ho felt like a child who was unfairly punished for something absurd. he knew in the look of in-ho's eyes that this man will wreck him out any moment.
"wait, w-we can talk about this! right jung-bae? you're on my side right??"
jung-bae noticed dae-ho's hopeful eyes..ohh he will be in alot of trouble.
"dohon't plahay the innocent now.."
meanwhile in-ho, his plan was hit successfully again (yh no shit). he still could feel the touch in his neck thought, still a little giggling in his words and the blush on his cheeks still continued.
"there is no reason to be afraid..it's just a payback. that's all."
the frontman knew what kind of innocent guy dae-ho was. he was probably driving him all into the flashbacks of the tickle fights he had with his sisters.. being the only boy among siblings isn't excatly a good thing.
jung-bae was apologizing in his mind several times, feeling bad each second it takes. why aint invisibility a thing?? it would help him and the next victim alot right now..
"things are about to start giggly..you ready, hm?"....
suddenly, in-ho experienced a sense of deja-vu. He had indeed used these teases before, back when he and his younger brother jun-ho still lived together. They used to play these games frequently. Although deja-vu isn't typically a great feeling for him, this time he found a bit of comfort and warmth in this particular moment.
number 388 was clearly overwhelmed. he was sweating and panicking over seemingly childish matters..why did he react so dramatic?
"...no, wahHIHit..!" his voice cracked. thinking about tickling aint making anything better, just the opposite! the frontman found himself unable to suppress a slight laugh.
"wahat are you giggling for?? i haven't even touched you yet!"
dae-ho lost it.
"jung-bae you traitor. you could tell me this today and we could do it tomorrow!! now you are literally making me down infront of everyone else. im an adu-!"
He was interrupted in his thoughts as In-ho's hands came towards him slowly..wiggling his fingers?
"hehehell nahaha!!" dae-ho tried to close his sides with his hands, shaking his head multiple times.
"hey, jung-bae! dont just stay there. we made a decision!" a little silence contuined "i wish we could record this right now.."
"plehehease, lehehets just drohohop ihihit!!"
"you had your fun, now it's my turn."
in-ho's hands landed on dae-ho's sides, squeezing them and poking them from this side to side. number 388 tried to squirm away from the frontmans fingers but failed as it followed him. he let a giggle slip and after, a burst of his real laughter came out. it didnt sounded like his normal laughter, it was a little bit more lighter than usual. "eeeehehehe!! ohohokay wait wait WAHIHIHIT! ahahaha! nohohot you toohoho!" jung-bae joined in, just poking his dear friend slightly who was being tickled by 2 people now..oh the feeling of guilt pressed him down.
"im sorry.."
dae-ho tried to cover his face but poor guy forgot what his biggest secret was. he hiccups when hes getting tickled and one came out right away.
".....wow, did we just unlock a new method of laughter?."
dae-ho was as confused as him, squealing and kicking his legs as he made more and more inhuman sounds. his giggles became in a quite mess, he was too distracted by his ticklish sensation to realize how embarrassing his position was right now. a slight of a blush came out on his cheeks.
"want your taste of your own medicine now?"
jung-bae looked at in-ho with a little confusion.
"lehehets nohohoHOHOT!!"
"what if i..tickle you here?" he squeezed on dae-ho's hips. number 388 jolted. "and here?" another squeeze, another noise. "...and heree?~" in-ho founded this a little enjoyable.
"eep-! doHohont!! im sohohorry!! plEHEHASE *hic* hahave mercihihi!"
jung-bae stopped the poking now, leaving them both have their fun..or something.
this is going to take a while to resolve. dae-ho was getting tickled into pieces, jung-bae becoming an over-thinker and in-ho..? well as you can see, that man had his fun, thinking if he should make this "tickling" into one of his games.
but suddenly, dae-ho had an idea!
he tried to look out for gi-hun..where could he just be??
"don't you dare to call for number 456. i know exactly what you're thinking about."
"whaAhaha?! hohow *hic* dihihid yOuhHUHU??"
"be careful..or yknow where these hands will go."
in-ho looked directly at the spot of dae-ho's knees. in a moment of inspiration, he realized in what kind of guy he messed up with. although he belived he was skilled in these games, what's his current situation then?
..only and last hope was number 456 now.
as In-ho counted dae-ho's ribs, his mind somewhere else, he suddenly felt a cold run down his spine.
the frontman turned his head behind him slowly. it couldnt be him right?..
shit.
"oh, so you did want more huh?"
gi-hun was behind them, having a smile as if he just won the lottery.
as in-ho's eyes met his, the atmosphere of the feeling he had became right the opposite. 2 hands landed on his sides..again. man, he was a grown adult..how many times did he catch himself in this state now?..gi-hun would not take him serious ever again, he thought.
"a little troublemaker you are..this is getting a serios topic now dont you think so?"
there was no single noise coming out from in-ho, just really tiny squeals. seems like he was holding his laughter in.
"oh? holding in?. that aint cool young-il."
at the same time, dae-ho. this could be his only villian arc. he was still laying down on his back, smoke coming out from his ears from all that laughter and hiding his eyes with his arm. a few giggles slipped out of his mouth.
"juhung-bahehe."
jung-bae was sitting innocently, like a little puddle that just broke a vase.
"yes?.."
a little silence contuined.
"may youhu cohome here.?"
"sure.."
he came to him closer, looking at dae-hos face. the awkward silence between these both still contuined.
"look, im sorry.."
"say that again, but louder."
....
"im sorrEEK-!!"
"....how does it feel huh? i was backstabbed by you!!"
he said, dumping all the "pain" into him while he tickled his dear friend unexpectedly. seriosly, jung-bae thought that dae-ho is maybe an understanding person, so he would understand his situation too he had 2 minutes ago.
" thehehehe! waihihihit *wheeze* wahihit a secohohond!! lehehet mEHEHE *🫖* explAihihihin!! whahahaaaa!!"
"ay, you're even more ticklish than myself..this was unexpected sir." jung-bae even laughed more and a little shade of red appeared on his face. dae-ho looked down where he was tickling him curiously. "wait, your seriosly ticklish on this little spot?"
"aEAhahaha! enough!! enoHOhohoahaha!" he hided his face with his hands and number 388 giggled along with him.
"young-il, let it out!! come on, it aint embarrassing, trust me."
more muffled screaming came out from in-ho. why did he end always up as a lee? this was kinda getting him mad. meanwhile, gi-hun scribbled his ribs again, like the way he did on that night before. a little giggle slipped out from the frontman.
"oho~! seems like a tickly bug got you. don't worry! i'll save you." gi-hun threatened him like a child, chuckling a little now. his tone seemed too playfully, felt like in-ho was his stressreliver.
"enouhuhugh now."
"what? couldn't quite catch that, sorry." another chuckle.
"i sahihid enohough!"
with that attitude, in-ho jumped right infront of him, causing gi-hun to fall down on the floor.
"ow! that hurt.."
damn, gi-hun forgot what kind of strong guy in-ho was. he didnt fight back at all..no. he wanted to see in-ho's true side. plus he wanted to be fair. he exposed in-ho infront everyone else.. so now they both are quit. was he scared? of course. will he maybe get punched in the face?..unknown.
"..remember, violence is not a choice.."
"a guy like you cant tell me that." in-ho replied.
"seems like the tickle bug is affective, ain't it?" he told extra, scribbling his 10 fingers around gi-huns sides now.
gi-hun broke into soft giggles, trying not to squirm and accidentally hurt in-ho. more giggles coming out of him as the scribbling became faster. "plehease-"
"begging already..? it just started!!"
this will be a long morning.
"...how childish."
nam-gyu was looking at the 4 friends who were having a tickle fight against eachother for quite a long time. "it's morning, how the hell are they doing this right here infront of everyone..its even getting embarrassing just by looking at them."
thanos looked up again after a maintime. seems like he took the double of his..drugs. he directly throw his eyes into his friend.
"...what about you nam-su?"
"it's nam-gyu!"
the quitness between both of them hung on the air.
"and..what do you mean- what about me?"
he noticed that thanos was staring him into his soul.
"are you ticklish?.."
...
the tickly bug seriosly was affective.
thanks for reading!! •u•
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#sfw tickle community#squid game tickles#tickle fanfic#lee!in-ho#lee!dae ho#lee!gi-hun#lee!jung-bae#pls yall should get what i meant by 🫖 right sobbs#hehlroglrogp#sobbs
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#i wish i was a better brother to my sister#for so many years from 6 to the age of 18 or even 19 my sister were in horrible terms#hearing she has cervical cancer frightens me#i have finally gotten over my childhood and understand why she's was the way she was for lack of better wording#if I had known she took out her anger out on me cause her boyfriend was physically abusing her I would never held that grudge#shes changed a lot and isnt the toxic sister she was when i was growing up and shes even apologized to me#i hope they found it in its early stages and she will live#even if it means she can't have anymore kids#which would be so sad but at least she has 3 kids#i would hate a world where they don't have their mother....#all we can do is pray for her and hope she survives
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It's eternally a little funny whenever I see someone say something along the lines of 'everyone in Strive is so happy now! Everyone's stories are getting resolved! It'll be hard to make a new game when everyone's retired and living peacefully and resolved their problems' and then there's a haunted semi-sentient mecha corpse in the corner constantly screaming from being trapped in limbo
#nothing against the character reworking it's just funny in a fucked up way#everyone get a happy ending!*#*(except for you Romeo)#when I go back and rewatch Xrd vs Strive it's kinda jarring since you have a whole fleshed out character and now he's just kinda conceptual#like sure obviously he's dead but he himself is just sorta mentioned in passing by a couple of people#they didn't even go with the interpretation of 'oh his spirit passed on in AS/story mode'#and based on the character theme it really just reads as 'I'm trapped in neverending hell and my sister's presence is the only distraction'#half the cast is retiring and Romeo is reenacting I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream#idk I could be overthinking it but that whole segment of plotline bugs me in the weirdest way#wish it was more conclusive. wish it had more continuity from xrd. wish more than like two people in universe acknowledged it#how it's presented and how it's treated feels like it has a schism where things don't quite match up#bleh. at the very least there could have been a special intro with Axl#the ending of arcade mode is so abrupt it's almost a little silly#'ahh okay your brother's ghost/a lingering fragment of his soul is desperate to kill himself let's not touch on that much further'#maybe it'd be better if everyone had outtro dialogue like in xrd...?#guilty gear#bedman#delilah#op back on her bullshit
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When I first began reading/ watching OPM I use to really, really hate Tatsumaki. She was probably my least favourite character from the main cast for over a year. I tried to hide it in my posts but I despised her.
Even back then I knew why, Tatsumaki reminded me of my older sister who at the time I did not have a great relationship with. Not only would I say Tatsumaki has my sisters personality and motivations amplified to the extreme, but my sister was seen as ‘better’ by everyone around me, or at least it felt like that to me. My sister obviously isn’t an esper prodigy but she is seen as smarter, prettier, more likeable you know the drill. The Psychic sisters arc was probably one of my least favourite arcs unsurprisingly, I can understand Fubuki’s feelings towards her sister completely. You would think this would make me like Fubuki …but back then I didn’t like her that much either lmao.
The manga, especially the chapters for the monster association arc, did a great job of changing my perspective of Tatsumaki. I can see why she’s the way she is and even if I disagree with her methods I do like her character now, I prefer her to Fubuki. I used to hate webcomic counterpart as well but ever since the mangas MA and psychic sisters arc I like her webcomic self also.
The relationship improvement with my sister played a part in this as well. My sister wanted to make sure I could stand in my own two feet but she went about it the wrong way, which was what Tatsumaki also did. So understanding my sisters motivations and the manga chapters made me understand and like Tatsumaki more.
#the fact I’ve only scenes I’ve resonated with on tv or manga or whatever was the psychic sisters and the sisters scenes in fleabag#probably gives a good idea about my how my relationship wish my sister was a few years ago it’s not perfect now but it’s getting better#also I realised around two years ago some of the people I’m friends with remind me of my sister a lot#I don’t know if this post is more about Tatsumaki or my sister now#what I’m trying to say is my view on Tatsumaki is correlated to my relationship with my sister#im hope this doesn’t come across as me seeing Tatsumaki in my sister because it’s the other way around#also sisters in media I’ve been relationg to a lot lately like genshin chasca and her sister actually struck a cord#I usually can’t relate at all to shows or games ever#I feel like the post makes it sound like I only have one sibling I have a younger brother I’m closer with#I don’t see a lot of media with older sister younger brother ?#maybe I should watch modern family#one punch man#opm#Tatsumaki#i hope my point came across well#btw I want to say I always knew tats was trying to make Fubuki stand in her two feet it’s just I still hated her back then and didn’t#understand why she had to be so rude about it
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Still haven't messaged my mom back. And I don't think I'm going to.
#you know how they say time makes you look on the past with nostalgia and that's why elderly people think so fondly of past decades? not me#there are moments I look back on with nostalgia sure but the overwhelming feeling of looking back on my childhood is just whatever I do#wherever I go whatever happens that will not be my life again. my memory is long I made a promise to myself I intend to keep I don't forget#support you having your grandkids if their mother is deemed unfit yes. take the older two myself if it comes to it yes. move provinces to#live with you to look after the five of them together where you would be my only adult connection and there's a language barrier and I have#no work history and I'd be between five hours and nine hours away from any other connection I have answer's an absolute fucking no. I've#seen how you are with my sister how you were with my brother. who do you think they call when they've had enough of you? do you not#remember most of the beatings I took was because I was standing between you and my brother? of course not because according to you you#never did beat me but if you think I'm not aware that would turn on me again the second I'm no longer distant and just visiting if you#think you'd find nothing to complain about because you've built up this golden child ideal of me in your head and want to forget how it was#when I was actually in your care you are very very wrong. I remember. I know that inconveniences a lot of people who want to forget#unpleasant things about themselves. me too to be honest I have memories I wish I could erase but I can't especially with regard to my#sister. I defended my brother but not her. not enough. and it's probably why I give so much to her now more than I should because it's#enabling but it is what it is I guess. I won't use my memories against anyone just for the sake of it but I absolutely fucking will#to protect myself or others. you want a redemption arc without admitting to anything? keep being patient and kind towards#your grandchildren even if you end up having to take them and if you can't do it for all five of them then accept that it's better for the#older two to be with me. that's it. those are your options: the older two are with me so you only have to look after the younger three or#you need to buckle down and learn from your past mistakes to look after the five of them and all that is *if it even comes to that* which#as things are it's not in danger of that! it was a regular fucking visit to monitor the situation that's all; they're not getting taken#literally every time she freaks out about something it's a 50/50 chance it's actually something or she's invented a completely#twisted version of events
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A startling amount of you guys seem to be devoid of all empathy
#I know anonymity and this is the internet#so people say things they would never say irl#but a horrifying percentage of you also bare the banner of Christ as you spew hate#and like I know I am not a perfect representative and that I am just as guilty of wishing ill on others#or thinking someone deserves it#but like my brothers and sisters we must be better
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I should fucking kill myself
#I have this anger and dislike towards my little brother that’s totally unwarranted like he’s 10 it’s just my issues#n whenever I feel his hatred towards him I want to gut myself like#it’s not his fault that my moms a better mom for him n that he’s not scared of her#It’s not his fault that my dads sober and present for him#it’s not his fault that my older brother is a good brother to him n has never hurt him#it’s not his fault he’s not scared of telling someone he’s hurt or of getting food#it’s not his fault he parrots all of my parents insane conservative views#but I still hold so much anger and resentment#When I look at him I see him getting all the things I never got and being free of the traumas I went through#and I know it’s good and I’m happy he’s grown up in a safer environment but I’m so angry that I didn’t have those parents#and I know he’s also missing so many things I got#But it fucking hurts seeing how loved and safe he is and wishing I had been that innocent at that age#like when he’s fighting with my mom it’s over school work n video games n then he thinks he can talk shit ???#when I was fighting with my mom it was bc she came home from work in a rage#when I was mad at my dad it was because he got drunk n came home n yelled at my mom until she was crying in a corner then left#When I was screaming at my older brother it’s because I was tired of him hurting me not because he called me a name#I’m a horrible sister to him and I hate it because when he was a baby I was so fiercely protective of him and so happy to be his sister#I watched his shows with him and kept him entertained when my parents got bad n I promised myself I’d take care of him the way I never was#but I failed n now I can barely stand being around him#like I’m such a good sister to my sister but that’s it#n it makes me feel worse about my relationship w my brother bc I know I can be better but I’m just a horrible jealous bitch who should die#screaming
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I haven't had much time to write with my new study schedule and family things, and when I do have time I have to wade through a sludge of doubts and fears about my ability to write prose at all, and when I manage to push that aside I often hit locked doors with spoon-shaped keyholes and have no keys for them.
It's frustrating, but I eke out what words I can while working on improving my writing conditions any way I can.
Then I finally have the feeling I can pull off writing some poetry, something I feel even more scared of more often than prose -- but also something I know I won't be able to leave unfinished as easily as prose and will be more likely to create something complete -- and I get a spark of hope.
And I go to compose the poem and my brain hands me what can only be described as an all-emoji recipe for fried eggs and ice cream. Which is not, as far as I know, a poem. Or even the pieces to make a poem. It's simply. Emojis. Vibrant and colorful and wholly unhelpful.
Thank you, brain, but next time I'd like to actually make a poem or story. Please.
#writing#sort of#writing meme#also sort of#not entirely#sonder speaks#I've been studying for slightly over a month#but I don't adapt to these things quickly#I'm the “can only change one thing at a time very slowly” type of autistic I'm afraid#and the balance between input and output of media has been off balance#also my baby niece was born and my sister can't come to our house anymore because the baby is too young to meet a pack of dogs#so I lose out on study time writing time and other home-only activity time when family night happens at my sister's house now#which is fine because I love my sister and my brother in law and my niece#and being at their place is fun#but also the lost time#it kind of gets to me when I just#don't have time to do everything I need and want to do#which is how time and living creatures work I know but it still frustrates me#also yes I know it could've been one of the people living in my brain and not me/my brain that provided emojis#I know there are potential other culprits#but it's simpler to say it was my brain and it all comes from that source anyway#I wish I could write#oh and the brain emojis included#🟨⚪️🧊🧂💨🟧🍏🥶#more or less#which is as mentioned unhelpful#so amy types of things#so badly#I need to take better control of these barriers and issues
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in the midst of a little depressive episode at the moment I fear and it's causing me to Ponder... in a weird way I'm almost grateful. like this is UNBELIEVABLY better than it used to be, even as much as it sucks in the moment. I wish I could go back to find myself at twelve years old hiding out in the school toilets and tell them that as long as we stick it out for long enough then one day the outsize bad emotions will be triggered by actual definable events and they'll be a noticeable change from our baseline. I'm not ✨recovered✨ and I don't know if I ever will be - I think I might have spent too many developmental years creating terrible patterns and associations to be able to straighten it all out - but it's Better and I'm able to know that it can continue to get better, too. and that's fucking huge.
#fay gets uncomfortably personal on her video game blog. NOT SORRY.#idk it's just crazy to think about#I really struggle to tap into this space enough to remember when I'm not actively in it#but I was SO FUCKING SICK back then. I was a child. and I was so fucking ill. I didn't know how young I was and I didn't realise how#disturbing it would feel down the line#(obviously. you don't lie down on the road in the middle of the night thinking 'I can't wait to suddenly remember this moment#in several years so it can become a sticking point in my psyche')#but like. that's my brother's age that's my sister's age I work with kids that age and it's so fucking young! and I'm so young now!#and I bet in five years I'll be going 'what a small little child... crazy' all over again#but like. idk. I was SO ILL. and I don't think it's like people say they thought they'd be dead by a certain age#it was a possibility for me but not an inevitability#but I don't think that I could have foreseen being better#in such a material way. you know. like I can't imagine myself ever fully healthy#or as close as anyone can get. I've had all this shit for so long. the idea of not carrying it anymore is honestly unappealing#like what would I even do without it. who would I be. how could that possibly happen#but this shit is BELIEVABLE. it's not gone it's just better and when it crops up I can deal#and I wish I could take the me of back then by the shoulders and say THIS IS NOT FOREVER!!!!!!!#ride it out long enough and you'll learn to live with it!!!!!!!!#it's just. really fucking huge. and I am so grateful#peace and love on planet earth!!!!
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once when my dad was really horrible to me I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HE DID but i do remember he got me so much moshi monsters stuff as an apology ☹️ and i remember being SO CONFUSED. AND I STILL AM. because he was always so so so so so horrible to me when i was a kid i think he was just frustrated bc my mum was never around to deal with me so he took it out on me but i URRHRGRHRHHHGYGY i miss being a child but also i dont I MISS IT SO MUCH but my mum was always at work and i was convinced my dad hated my guts but whatever its fine. i still remember so clearly him asking me to come up to his room abd i thought i was in troubke but he just gavw me so so so so so much stuff there was so much stuff i remember there was a tin full of moshi trading card packs and he just hugged me and he cried on my shoulder and i had no idea what was foing on or what he was sorry for
#txt#i wish i knewwweeehehhhgughh :(#personal#extremely#i kind of hate my brother and sister because he was never as mean to them as he was to me#which is horrible of me because i should be happy they were/are treated better#but im so jealous#man#you think you know daddys wrath 😞 you dont#i still love him though#i used to hate him so much#but hes nice now#YAY
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guys remind me to watch la bamba later
#nicha said i should watch it#also nichas my beat friend thank gd for nicha. shes like the only irl person ive talked abt it with#and shes like . no you arent overreacting r you crazy . which makes me feel a LOT better#im so sad shes leaving thi :[[ she keeps telling me t move t great wolf lodge with her JFNFJFBF#and she said that if i ever need a ride to a job interview or a drs appt or anything like that t just ask. shes my bestiee#she has a yojnger sister my age (18 (nicha is 25 BTW) but her sister sucks so nicha literally said I wish you were my sister instead.#common kamille w. she also said im her favorite and i get all rhe stuff on her cart when she leaves ^-^ yay#but tbh. i might frrr look into great wolf lodge bc their starting pay is $18 dollars an hour#plus its. hotel work. which is wayy easier than apt cleaning if im being fully honest#and allegedly its closer to my house sooo...#plus. nicha fiona and i thinkk nee? r all leaving? which leaves me dee and brenda ? brother i gtg im not gonna be one of 3 housekeepers.#ik theyd hire more but i just got here i cant be like the 3rd most senior housekeeper 💀#sry 4 doxxing myself. potentially#oh also the pay here is 16 dollars an hour with literally no room for growth#brenda is housekeeping lead and she makes like. 17.#nee i think has been here almost since the place opened and she still only makes like 16.... which is insane#so ya i might look into gwl.#im mainly scareddd abt getting rides bc rn marian gives me a ride...#n like she could probably still give me a ride in the morning if im sooo niceys but likee. yk. how would i get home at da end of the day#ik i should just suck it up and ask my roommates bc kate is rly nice and prolly wouldnt mind but. gets scared... she also works closing#shifts so she wouldnt be able t bring me home. lily works a ton of different shifts so its not rly a reliable thang so i cant ask her#plus.everything. and then hal . yeah obvious reasons hes not giving me a ride LOL
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#ugghhhhh#cw vent#my sister is currently venting to me via text about our mom and i’m just like :| i hate it. i hate that they’ve been arguing so much#recently. my mom is being completely unreasonable and her brother died so i get thats playing a factor but shes like driving me crazy too#and i just. i don’t know there are things my sister’s doing that i disagree with and stuff but i just#wish i had a family that got along and stuff. tired of always being their only outlet#now i’m crying on the balcony like an idiot because i don’t even have my own room to cry in#my religious aunt is coming this sunday so hopefully ...#i can talk to her about it and she can reason with my mom. better than i could at least#💭#i miss my dad so much and i wish childe were here ...#my dad doesn't really get. like. how i really feel but at least he tries ... even if 90% of the things he says arent helpful
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Comics Read in 2024:
My Hero Academia Vol. 5 by Kohei Horikoshi (2015)
My Hero Academia Vol. 6 by Kohei Horikoshi (2015)
My Hero Academia Vol. 7 by Kohei Horikoshi (2016)
My Hero Academia Vol. 8 by Kohei Horikoshi (2016)
My Hero Academia Vol. 9 by Kohei Horikoshi (2016)
My Hero Academia Vol. 10 by Kohei Horikoshi (2016)
My Hero Academia Vol. 11 by Kohei Horikoshi (2016)
Manly Appetites: Minegishi Loves Otsu Vol. 2 by Mito (2020)
Behind Her Highness's Smile by Studio Wooridle & Amid (2024)
[ID: Covers of the aforementioned books. End ID.]
#2024media#gigi.txt#well. you all know my bnha opinions. i've been blogging them#check out this tag if you've missed them ->#bnha liveblog#but basically it sucks ass. yeah. anyway.#manly appetites felt better the second volume but it's still like. weird. i wish he could be fat and not have that be the whole plot#final one is a rofan where a man is married to the “crazy” sister of the evil emperor. she can't even like verbally talk.#ppl call her crazy but it's clear she's meant to be disabled. except she's faking it bc otherwise her brother would've murdered her#i read the whole thing up til where it currently is and i'll prob not pick it up again later. shrugs. didn't impact at all#i liked that it wasn't from her pov but yeah
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