#i wish i was a better brother to my sister

[dr-flipflops]

OOC: Will's Lonely 18th Birthday people, as per Cresent's request. - @permetutotheworld @the-eclipse-is-in-me @fukurouonthesea Here we go :) Its sooooooo long, I got so bloody carried away, sorry guys.

*Will left another tray in front of Nico's door, a yellow sticky note on the side*

(what the note said is in italics)

*I hope you've been eating all the food I'm giving you Neeks. Ew- I'm 18 today, EW!!! I'm oooooold :( . I don't have to be a functional adult now do I? Surely, I get a pass for being neurodivergent. I hope you have a nice day INSIDE, please come out. I miss you*

*It had been a week, and Nico was still holed up in the cabin. Will had been denied access, but he'd seen Cresent and Noa go in just fine, heck even CLARISSE gained entrance. It broke something inside Will, but he shrugged it off. They were his family, of course he'd let them in. Will was just an inconvenience he had to put up with, and take care of. He'd known Clarisse for years, Cresent was his sister, and Noa was like his little brother*

*Its fine Solace, come on. Its your birthday. Cheer up. Its fine. Everything's okay.*

*Will's siblings had given him a lovely morning, and the campers who remembered and were the ones who still looked him in the eye had wished him at breakfast. It was nice. But it wasn't the same. Chiron had given him the full day empty, but he had no-one to celebrate with. His siblings all had duties, and they refused to let him work on his birthday. Everyone else was busy too. Will would usually go back to Texas for the week to be with his mother, but with Nico holed up he wanted to stay here*

*Besides, it wasn't like he wanted to celebrate it anyways. The only thing good about it was that he was another year closer to the grave. He didn't know what to do, he wished he could work, that way at least he wouldn't feel so lonely and useless. At least healing gave him a purpose and he felt good after saving someone. At least he'd feel something*

*Will lazily walked through the woods, kicking his feet, cupcake with candle in hand. He made it to his special spot on the coast, where he had the shade of the trees, and a view of the sparkling lake, but could still bask in the sun's rays without it bothering his eyes, not that it had ever in the first place. Wind whistled past, and birds sang, the sun shone golden rays that illuminated the rocks, slick with crashing waves*

*The day was undoubted perfect. Will knew it was curtesy of his father, his way of saying "happy birthday". Will was grateful, but he didn't really feel it*

*The candle glowed bright, Will cupped the cupcake in his hands and held it close*

Happy Birthday to me, happy birthday to meee.

*Will blew it out gently, and wished that today would be the day Nico would come out, even if it was to just say a simple hello. Tears stung his eyes and he laughed a little*

Guess I'm an adult now. huh. Never thought I'd get here.

*Will leaned back against the rock behind his perch, face tilted up as one or two tears down*

But you always knew, didn't you Lee? You said I'd make it Micheal, you were right it seems.

*Tears choked his throat, he looked up at the trees shadowing him above, and the sun softly shining through the canopies. It was like they were here, he could almost hear their voice. Almost feel the laughter of the younger ones. Gracie would've loved to meet Fay*

I wish you were here. I wish you all were.

*Something shimmer past his head and he looks to see his mother's smiling face*

*Will jolts upright*

MA!!?

Naomi: Hi Billy!!! Aw, my little William has grown up so much, 18 now! I thought you were coming home for your birthday?

Will: You-you remembered?

Naomi: no, I just happened to throw a drachma into the lake on accide- OF COURSE I REMEMBERED WILLY!!! You're my favourite son, I can't believe expect so little of your mother.

Will: Ma, I'm your only son.

Naomi: Even better! No competition. Anyways, how come you aren't home?

Will: Sorry Ma, things happened, and I got caught up in camp.

Naomi: Aw, I wanna see my son! You're officially an adult!

Will *small laugh*: Still can't drink though.

Naomi: You can drink water.

Will *groans*: Maaaaa

Naomi: Oh pish posh. Those Americanos *tuts* we're Spanish William, they don't have to know *winks*

Will *laughs fully for the first time all day*: Maaa!

Naomi *grumbles about Americans, then gives Will a stern look* : You better come home for Christmas William Andrew Solace, and you can tell that Chiron of yours to stick it where the sun don't shine if he says otherwise

Will *laughs again*: Alright, alright ma!!!

Naomi *smiles*: Seriously. Oh look at you my sweet boy. When you were taken from me, you couldn't even tie your laces, now you're 18, all grown up. *sighs*

Will: I'm still your little boy Ma, always

Naomi: Damn right you are! Don't you change a bit Billy. You've got a big heart, you dare lose it and your Abuelo will roll in the grave, and your Abuela will storm over from Spain

Will: Don't worry! I won't :) Even if the reason is my fear of Abuela's ladle.

Naomi: That woman, when she has her hands on a cooking utensil, y'all better run away or run towards the table ready to be stuffed like a Christmas hog.

Will: Yeah.

Naomi: Well, you're only 18 once Willy, I hope you have a good day!

Will *tight smile, hiding the loneliness*: Yep, terrific, look! I got the cupcakes you sent me!!!

Naomi: Aw, *someone gestures off-screen* uh huh, *back to Will* Billy, I'm so sorry, but I'm gonna have to go, there's something wrong with the sound systems, I'm so sorry. I want to talk to you more, after all, my baby is only gonna turn 18 once, its a special day! *bites lip and looks conflicted*

Will *his heart breaks. He was gonna be alone again. He makes a smile*: Its alright Ma, I've got a cupcake to eat after all! *huffs a laugh*

Naomi *blows him a kiss*: Love ya Willy! Happy birthday sweetheart.

Will: Bye-

*Naomi cuts the message*

-Ma.

*Will swallows. He was alone again. His mother had more important things to do, OF COURSE SHE DID SOLACE, SHE HAS A LIFE, grow up Will. Will took the burnt out yellow candle from the cake, and bites into it*

*It tasted like home. Tears brimmed on Will's eyes and warm memories flooded his brain at the chocolate melting in his mouth*

*Memories of Spain- the brightly coloured streamers everyone would hang around. Abuela would be cooking a feast in the kitchen , so Will would wake up to the scents of heaven filling the house and smooches from Ma. He'd bound down the stairs and promptly be told that even though it was his birthday he still had to brush his teeth. Will would get it done as fast as possible, then go and help Ma bake cookies and cupcakes. He'd go outside and immediately be pelted with shouts and cries, hugs and noogies from the neighbourhood kids. Then, after being fed like a king, at night, the family would gather and Will would blow out the candles, and cut the cake to find the clue at the center*

*He'd use the clue to find others to find his gifts, which only then he'd be able to open. The whole procedure from the candles, to the singing, to the cake, to the hunt, to the opening would be filmed. Will's beaming face photographed on his birthday every year*

*Will finished the cupcake, and found a note in the centre. Hollowness that had filled his heart swelled. It was a little heart with a smile, and a "happy birthday Billy". Will smiled through the tears, and he was almost home in Texas with his Ma. But he looked up and the empty lonely came back. He smiled a bit through the tears. At least his Ma had sent him these. Will knew he was going to find other notes in the other cupcakes, he turned the paper over and found another message: "Brush ya teeth Billy"*

*Will laughed, and no one heard*

-----

*That night, Will came back late, his siblings already fast asleep*

*He felt vacant again*

*Nico had decidedly NOT come out. He didn't see Aria's smile all day, and Noa never even said hi. Cresent, as per usual, avoided him*

*Will collapsed into bed, and curled up. Emotionally exhausted*

*He missed home. He missed his Ma. He mourned his life. He mourned the Will Solace he used to be, the one everyone sees, the one everyone wants. Campers look at him, but its not him they see, they see the Will they knew, the Will he'll never live up- hell he doesn't even remember the memories, HE DOESN'T KNOW THAT WILL. He missed Nico. He missed being loved. He missed so much. He hated this overwhelming, all consuming loneliness. It's like his life has been reset, and everyone is treading on eggshells, and he was deserted by those he loved most all over again*

*For his "special day" he sure as hell didn't feel it- DON'T BE SELFISH SOLACE. he felt nothing at all, and while that may be a blessing some days, today he hated it. Hated himself. Hated living*

*When he had gone to pick up Nico's tray he saw that Nico hadn't taken the note. He always took the note. Will didn't bother placing another one with the next tray*

*Something consumed him*

*That night, Will cried himself to sleep*

[zuko-always-lies]

Something that occurred to me

Ozai's biggest problem with Zuko was that Zuko wasn't submissive enough to him, Zuko's father. That Zuko would do something "disrespectful" and "defiant" like show up at a war meeting uninvited, yell at one of the generals there and act like he, Zuko, and not Ozai was in charge, and then refused to obey Ozai's order to fight back and defend his honor. For Ozai, Zuko is disrespectful and defiant.

Of course, the series makes a big deal about how Iroh is a better father figure than Ozai, and Iroh definitely is better than Ozai. And Zuko often defies Iroh, for better or worse, over the course of the series.

Yet the series ends with Zuko kneeling and begging Iroh's forgiveness, before submitting completely to Iroh's wishes and doing whatever Iroh tells him to, no matter how strange or questionable, while never questioning Iroh about anything ("Brothers shouldn't fight brothers. Now go fight your sister"; "I don't feel ready to be Firelord, please help me" "Trust me, you are. Now go do all the hard work while I abandon you to live out my dream retirement.").

Ultimately, the "defiant streak" toward Zuko's "elders" that pissed off Ozai so much has been eradicated. Zuko is just as submissive and unquestioning to Iroh as Ozai wanted Zuko to be submissive to Ozai.

It feels weird.

[a-pastel-edgelord]

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

You're a normal person—so normal in fact that sometimes Shouto gets whiplash. Your family doesn't have the same kind of baggage his does.

Your childhood wasn't spent in the shadow of the death of your older brother who then came back to try and kill you. And it shows. You get along with your siblings, joking and laughing. Everyone is on speaking terms. Maybe it's because all of them are younger than you.

Your mom never scarred you. Your dad never beat you. You have no legacy to uphold.

"It's nice." He blurts out one evening after spending it with your siblings. "Your family is nice."

You shrug with a smile. "I like my brother and sister. They're great."

"Is it... difficult being the eldest?"

"Sometimes." You look at him, searching his face. Shouto knows that you must know—who wouldn't know—but he waits for you to elaborate. You puff out something between a sigh and a laugh. "We just have different parents."

He frowns, "But you have the same mother and father."

"Ah yeah. It's a thing we like to say." You jerk your head at the door that your brother and sister just left through. "I'm confusing you, aren't I? Seven years between kids isn't huge, but it's not nothing. I just..."

Shouto watches as you struggle to put this into words he can understand. He can't help, not like you do with him when he struggles to articulate his feelings. You're much better at that kind of thing. So instead, he places a hand in your shoulder. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No, no. I want to tell you. To say it out loud—

"Babies. Babies are a lot of work. And at seven, you can do quite a few things independently. Like making your lunch, getting ready for school, walking home, picking up groceries, or studying."

It washes over him. The things you're not saying float to the surface. He's seen pictures of you as a child, as an eighth year old and now all he can think about is little you sitting alone at the breakfast table.

Little you walking home alone from school.

Little you being self-sufficient by ten years old because the babies were a lot of work and your parents weren't paying enough attention.

Something cold turns over in his gut. He was so convinced of your normalcy. Maybe even jealous of it at one point. Just because it wasn't fraught with trauma and loss, doesn't mean your childhood was an easy one.

Shouto wishes he could have been there.

[713-4th-ward-g]

.

[broken-clover]

It's eternally a little funny whenever I see someone say something along the lines of 'everyone in Strive is so happy now! Everyone's stories are getting resolved! It'll be hard to make a new game when everyone's retired and living peacefully and resolved their problems' and then there's a haunted semi-sentient mecha corpse in the corner constantly screaming from being trapped in limbo

[velmashaircut]

When I first began reading/ watching OPM I use to really, really hate Tatsumaki. She was probably my least favourite character from the main cast for over a year. I tried to hide it in my posts but I despised her.

Even back then I knew why, Tatsumaki reminded me of my older sister who at the time I did not have a great relationship with. Not only would I say Tatsumaki has my sisters personality and motivations amplified to the extreme, but my sister was seen as ‘better’ by everyone around me, or at least it felt like that to me. My sister obviously isn’t an esper prodigy but she is seen as smarter, prettier, more likeable you know the drill. The Psychic sisters arc was probably one of my least favourite arcs unsurprisingly, I can understand Fubuki’s feelings towards her sister completely. You would think this would make me like Fubuki …but back then I didn’t like her that much either lmao.

The manga, especially the chapters for the monster association arc, did a great job of changing my perspective of Tatsumaki. I can see why she’s the way she is and even if I disagree with her methods I do like her character now, I prefer her to Fubuki. I used to hate webcomic counterpart as well but ever since the mangas MA and psychic sisters arc I like her webcomic self also.

The relationship improvement with my sister played a part in this as well. My sister wanted to make sure I could stand in my own two feet but she went about it the wrong way, which was what Tatsumaki also did. So understanding my sisters motivations and the manga chapters made me understand and like Tatsumaki more.

[yuridovewing]

like guys i promise im aware blossomfall is meant to be a glass child. i just think she’s a poorly written one lmao

[blackswallowtailbutterfly]

Still haven't messaged my mom back. And I don't think I'm going to.

[makkie-is-screaming]

I should fucking kill myself

[engiiiiiii]

i hold myself to these expectations that I must know i was trans at like 5. but that's just not how it works. respect to trans kids who defied their parents, they deserve our support but not all of us could even know so young. I had to get puberty to realise that everything sucked and I had gender dysphoria that I could hide very well as a child. I fully experimented with trans things. I remember pretending to see what it'd be like if I had no penis. i really loved having a high voice, being short. but I very much tried to conform for years, trying to grow masculine, speed through puberty to get the end results, which just ended with me being unable to cry added with rather painful gender dysphoria.

I think it finally makes sense. why I couldn't actually do what other boys could. why I was committed to gender neutrality. I knew trans people, I knew the words, but I thought the pathway didn't exist. I also managed to disconnect from my body - I essentially created a fake personality that's still haunting me. I could never be myself because. I hated myself. I was, y'know, trying to do something that hurt me. I'm gonna try to stop thinking I need to have an obvious sign at a very young age. because they were there, I just shunned it when the word existed. I knew how to fit in but that didn't not hurt me.

one last thing because this may be the last time I discuss this (unless I find out even more which is honestly unlikely) I remember hearing out about SRS at a young age when my dad asked if any of us would ever get it. My brother was full dolls and dress up - I don't think he was enthused though. I wonder what I said. I wonder if I cared. I wonder why I hated blue and pink so much because they were gendered at around 11. I only found about the true meaning of nonbinary a couple years ago.

I wonder how my life would've turned out in a family that doesn't want me dead.

[kyofsonder]

I haven't had much time to write with my new study schedule and family things, and when I do have time I have to wade through a sludge of doubts and fears about my ability to write prose at all, and when I manage to push that aside I often hit locked doors with spoon-shaped keyholes and have no keys for them.

It's frustrating, but I eke out what words I can while working on improving my writing conditions any way I can.

Then I finally have the feeling I can pull off writing some poetry, something I feel even more scared of more often than prose -- but also something I know I won't be able to leave unfinished as easily as prose and will be more likely to create something complete -- and I get a spark of hope.

And I go to compose the poem and my brain hands me what can only be described as an all-emoji recipe for fried eggs and ice cream. Which is not, as far as I know, a poem. Or even the pieces to make a poem. It's simply. Emojis. Vibrant and colorful and wholly unhelpful.

Thank you, brain, but next time I'd like to actually make a poem or story. Please.

[ehlnofay]

in the midst of a little depressive episode at the moment I fear and it's causing me to Ponder... in a weird way I'm almost grateful. like this is UNBELIEVABLY better than it used to be, even as much as it sucks in the moment. I wish I could go back to find myself at twelve years old hiding out in the school toilets and tell them that as long as we stick it out for long enough then one day the outsize bad emotions will be triggered by actual definable events and they'll be a noticeable change from our baseline. I'm not ✨recovered✨ and I don't know if I ever will be - I think I might have spent too many developmental years creating terrible patterns and associations to be able to straighten it all out - but it's Better and I'm able to know that it can continue to get better, too. and that's fucking huge.

[gorillaxyz]

once when my dad was really horrible to me I DONT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT HE DID but i do remember he got me so much moshi monsters stuff as an apology ☹️ and i remember being SO CONFUSED. AND I STILL AM. because he was always so so so so so horrible to me when i was a kid i think he was just frustrated bc my mum was never around to deal with me so he took it out on me but i URRHRGRHRHHHGYGY i miss being a child but also i dont I MISS IT SO MUCH but my mum was always at work and i was convinced my dad hated my guts but whatever its fine. i still remember so clearly him asking me to come up to his room abd i thought i was in troubke but he just gavw me so so so so so much stuff there was so much stuff i remember there was a tin full of moshi trading card packs and he just hugged me and he cried on my shoulder and i had no idea what was foing on or what he was sorry for

[pensiveant]

I don't want to derail this post with my insane oversharing but anyway I didn't have an imaginary older brother but I DID have an imaginary older sister. Because I was supposed to have an older sister but she died as a child and that made me the eldest. So I grew up obsessed with the idea of having an older sister (or a twin but that's a different sort of mental illness) and kind of made her up in my head. She didn't like me very much because not even in my most intimate fantasies can I be that self indulgent, but she was always there for me when I needed advice or someone to talk to. My guiding light throughout a deeply lonely and isolated childhood. Then I started making friends as a teen and she faded away from my mind. Ok that's it thanks for listening bye

[nomaishuttle]

guys remind me to watch la bamba later

[salsflore]

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