#i wish i hadnt stopped
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wanting to write but being so so scared
#i havent written in over a year.. im fucking terrified LOLOLOL io#i think that's why i cant bring myself to sit down and try#like i know its gonna be bad#and i know thats normal and whatever but like. i wanna skip the nasty blocked writing and go str8 to the good flowy smooth writing where#the things i say make a modicum of sense#i wish i hadnt stopped#sigh#feels like the words are just frozen in my blood#dont wanna flow properly#a.speaks#i reread my prev writing and theres such a disconnect btwn it n me like. i cannot believe i used to write like that at all#i cant make sense of those works with who i am now#this isnt even just pertaining to fanfic just generally all my old stories and poems and other stuff#its hard to believe that came out of me when i can barely string two sentences t#now#vent cw#vent tw#ig
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President Hancock: "We are not going to have any more nukes blowing up. My fellow Americans, we are going to tighten up around here-"
Jacob:
"DAVE."
#INCREDIBLE PLOT TWIST#now i wish i hadnt seen it on Wednesday but that's what I get for not blocking spoilers#so thats on me#but still fantastic to watch#and jacobs expression is hilarious#DAVE.#d20#dimension 20#dropout#nsbu#never stop blowing up#Paula SHOUTING ''DAVE BECAME THE PRESIDENT?!?!'' LIKE MOOOOOOOOOD
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Yknow how when you make a new account on spotify they give you a premium trial which is like a tiny box of heaven
Mine just ran out. As with it went my patience and will to live. Ahhghanakqb no more song.
#I seriosly wish I hadnt slipped earlier. If not for that I would be a blissful corpse under tires but alas. Bsd time I guess#God I crave the sweet relese of death but I am a coward so living it is.#tw: death#sorry for whining#Twice on my blog today.#I wouldnt blame y'all if you blocked me after this. Fuvking pathetiv behavior#fucking miserable#for no fucking reason#Do I have anything to be sad about? No.#Do I have anything to be angry about? No.#and i cant stop these fucking useless brain from that.
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i think my save might just be cursed tbh
#i wish i hadnt stopped recording when i did#nari spoke to me like right after#and it fixed the whole issue#which is immensely funny to me#cotl#cult of the lamb#cotl lamb#cotl spoilers
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i didnt share my old butch artoo and threepio humanizations here. my bad lesbians be upon you
#my art#star wars#i wish i hadnt given artoo nail polish but i couldnt stop myself i <3 painted nails in gijinka art
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started in 2012…but i finally managed to finish the heroes of olympus series i hope yall are proud of me
#i loved them sjfjfkf#now i wish i hadnt stopped keeping up with the released but uni killed my will to read in my free time (i was an english major)#personal
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#how I WISH i hadnt known it was coming....#but thats what happens when you watch a show that ended 20 years ago#that one 'when did they' poll... i understand the results now#crying screaming sliding down the wall#what will i do once i stop liveblogging txf#txf#the x files#7 x 04#millenium#aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#my own
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i know a lot of trans women talk about mourning not growing up a girl and i always thought i didnt experience any equivalent to that (probably for many reasons) but the last couple weeks i realised i think i do and its specifically about not growing up a gay man.
#i wish i hadnt realized this bc now despite my best efforts i can't stop driving myself crazy about it.#but like i never really cared abt not growing up a cis boy bc i always imagined myself being straight#but now that I've imagined myself being gay oh my god this fucking sucks i hate it here.#avpost#also whenever i hear cis gay men talk about like growing up. or being in high school. or their gay awakenings.#its like. im not jealous exactly but i feel like something important was stolen from me and i cant get it back god im so mad#idk also as i get further in my transition i feel so disconnected from my youth like it didn't fully belong to me#but i also don't have anything to take its place theres just a gap there where the life i should've had would go.#and i think its stupid bc its like. whatever who cares about what could have been all i have is what was. why am i making myself crazy .#but i can't help it -_-
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i know the end of pena.cony was supposed to symbolise the end of the story of the original trailblazers but like, the fact that the latest quest had mic.ah (mikh.ails descendant), boothi.ll (galaxy ran.ger) and mar.ch (trailblazer) come tg was so symbolic - for a moment it really did feel like the ending mikha.il would have imagined in the end, waiting for those 100's of years in the hope that his friends would return once more.
#❛ ♡ › jupiter : 𝐨𝐨𝐜.#when you include rob.in you include his og wish for the fami.ly to join them but alas. even she was there to rebel ....#when they brought us back to dreamflux i was cheering but also had to double check the bananas hadnt disrespected mikh.ails space#( it didnt but i cant stop cryin bc theyre just leaving his dead body up there?? like ok i like seeing mikhai.l but pls ... just remove the#body and leave the bubble sittin on the chair by itself ... pls-)#mikha.il and tiern.an were destined to come back to one another. again and again and again-#the memoria being a massive point of the background of the scene. they wanted raza.lina back just as much.#I DID FINISH THE QUEST TONIGHT AND HAVE A LOT OF EMOTIONS#1. i rlly. rlly love mr re.ca omg chat this is bad ... i said no more muses so i need to stay strong but ... mr re.ca :(#2. rob.in ???? can we talk about her scene for a sec and the recognition to that part of her storyline.#3. ra.ppas background killed me. some aeon out there pls take all her pain x100000 and give to dr primit.ive bc my god ...#mikh.ail fans were fed in this (delusional)#clockie was better anyway <3#spoilers /
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Another day of my spouse being too sick to help out, another day where I'm desperately searching for a mere CRUMB of serotonin lol
#between work being perpetually on fire#and home life being perpetually exhausting#and my attempts at being seen as being good enough to write for real going poorly#i have nothing to fall back on at present to help lmaooooooo#wish people hadnt stopped showing up for me in fandom
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Kagayake!
#sun vulcan#this rollcall was cute like with the fountain??? stop#they do it every episode but i never get sick of the taiyo jump#sharky STUCK his pose good job buddy#and the fight that followed was top notch#'animal' is such a typical theme but these guys were the first and so much of them echoes through the other animal seasons#these suit performances are genuinly something to behold and if you enjoy that aspect of toku you really should watch sun vulcan#I JUST WISH THEY HADNT PANTSED A KID 30 SECONDS BEFORE THIS L M A O
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i miss dominion smp :(
#also i wanna be in one of legs videos i couldnt be in the undercover one bc when i try and log in on my wifi i jsut insta crash#this used to not happen when i joined legundos server but now it does bc verizon wants me dead ig#like that GOT one looked SO FUN fr#like im a silly goofy guy! im good at the game! i could be an asset!#this isnt relevant to the post at all i just got instantly distracted#except like. only patrons and like. really active members are prolly ever gonna get to be in those#and i had to cancel my patreon membership for a little while so i could save money#so im only a patron until october rn after having been a patron for. many months#im kinda sad about it fr#legs you follow me if you see this. hi. sorry i had to stop being a patron im also not happy about it but i had 20 dollars to my name#ill rejoin later i prommy#also viking if you see this. start a patreon nerd i wanna be a member when i have more money#what was i talking about? OH YEAH videos players can be in#they look so fun i was in the ryan one recently and im super excited for it to come out#even tho i wasnt a big part of the story besides getting my ass kicked that one time#it was still fun. wish my group hadnt continually had everything we owned burned down. that sucked really hard#very excited for that video tho i wait w bated breath#i should go rewatch the got video
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Maybe it's just pride month but I have been positively sobbing every night to various gay medias. I am so anxious for this upcoming election and life isn't letting me breathe long enough to process the existential dread related but like. All of these people are so visible and loved and I just want to be the person I really am. :') visible and true and loved.
#FEELING SO FUCKING STIFLED AND LIKE IM CRAMMED INTO THIS EXPECTED BOX FACING THE WORLD WITH MY FACE TWISTED#SOMETIMES IT DO BE THE ONES CLOSEST TO YOU WHO MEAN THE BEST BUT ACT THE WORST WHEN IT COMES TO EXPRESSION#THERE ARE SO MANY STUPID FUCKING RULES I HAVE TO FOLLOW AND WAYS I AM DISCOURAGED FROM BEING THE PERSON THAT I REALLY AM#IM LIVING A FUCKING LIE#I WISH I DIDNT WORK IN RETAIL I WISH THAT MAN HADNT PREYED ON MY PERCEPTIBLE GENDER CUES I WISH THERE WERE NO EXPECTATIONS OR PUNISHMENTS#FOR GETTING TO LIVE THE LIFE THAT I SO TRULY WANT TO LIVE. IM TOO CRAMPED IN THIS BOX. I DONT GET TO CELEBRATE ANYMORE.#I WANT TO RECLAIM MYSELF#hashtag venting thanks for stopping by
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So like i have a shit ton of old keitor fic drafts that never saw the light of day and im wondering if i should post them? Id probably just compile them all on ao3. Like im not hyperfixated on the boys anymore and im never gonna finish the wips i had for them (and i feel bad but yknow i dont control the hyperfixation) but it might be nice to do something with those drafts. So.
Here I'll make a poll
#keitor#vld#maybe i shouldnt say ill never finish them bc idk theres always i chance i might#just. not any time soon#i stopped writing in general for a while and im slowly starting again and god i wish i hadnt stopped#bc boy i am rusty as hell
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these episodes are like. almost too dense with extremely cool shit going on like can we take a break for a SECOND im still thinking about signet+belgard+thewakingcadent. puttingthe whole figure aside for a minute too because wowwwww
#i wish my mood hadnt been so weird for half a week i have no time to let anything sink in before pt4#palisadeposting#STOP FAILING ROLLS#this is pt3 still.#palisade spoilers
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