#i wish i had the energy to do that again

[ilkkawhat]

Do u have any alan wake fic recs..... especially nsfw... its ok if not 🥺 thank you....

i've honestly been pretty terrible at reading fics lately but i recommend going through my fic rec tag on my blog linked here, since may of last year i've been reblogging alan or niko related fics that i've either read or intended to read cause even if i don't read something i do geniunely want to reblog to spread...i gotta get back into serious fic reading again

[thekittyokat]

you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah

[colloline]

Way to start a morning

[kane-turu]

Vertin but she's a certain soulslike protagonist

[yagirlraine]

them again <3

[gnawdraw]

digital painting I did of my boyfriend and I a while back. he is my world

[moeblob]

It has been. A Day (tm).

[wwsans]

uploading some favs from art fight!

[mabaki]

EU VSArtParty Sept 02, 2023

AYO HERE WE GO AGAIN!! May the rightful owners find their blorbos!

[swordheld]

hi! your blog is one of my favourites and i absolutely adore reading your thoughts. my grandfather recently passed away and it feels like i lost myself with him. how do i continue living after this? there is this constant weight on my chest and it feels like an emptiness has made a home inside of me. how do i go on when it feels like the world crashed on my shoulders?

hello, love! this is so very sweet and kind of you, and i hope you're treating yourself gently and kindly right now - there aren't words for a loss like this. that heaviness is difficult, and hard, and painful. it's okay if things don't feel okay, right now, or even soon - i think that's something that a lot of the people i know that have gone through similar grief feel: like they should be able to get back to a relative 'normal' in a [insert far too short period of time].

but it's okay if it hurts. that's where i'd like to start. you're allowed to feel that emptiness, that world-crashed feeling that goes beyond words, beyond time. don't feel like you have to rush this to feel some sort of better. things get easier with time, i promise you this, but sometimes painful feelings are important to feel, too. cry, scream, feel your emotions. they're a part of you. grieve.

it's perhaps a little silly, but when i think about death i always think about a couple of space songs: mainly drops of jupiter by train and saturn by sleeping at last. there are perhaps others that speak to the emotions better, but these two have always hit something a little deeper for me, and are popular for a wide-reaching reason.

and while personally i don't know much about grief like this, i do know a lot about love; and i think they're a lot of the same thing.

the people we love are a part of us, and this is why it takes from us so deeply when we lose them, because it does feel like we've lost a part of ourselves in the wake of it. but it's because they were so central to our experiences of living - our lives, that the separation introduces a hollowness - a place where they used to be. a home that now goes unlived in.

an emptiness, like you said.

but just because they're not here physically, doesn't mean he's not still there, in your heart, in your life, your memory. you can hold him close in smaller ways, as well: steal a sweater, or cologne/scent for something a little more physical and long lasting for remembering. hold onto the memories you cherish, the things that made you laugh, the ease of slow mornings and gentle nights. write them all down, slide a few photographs in there, go through it and add more when you miss him. keep them all close, keep them in your heart.

you're not alone, in this. he's still there, with you, it's just - in the little things.

he's with you in the way you see and go about your daily life, in doing what he liked to do, in the ways he interacted with the world that you shared with him. the memories you recall fondly when the night is late or the moment is right and something calls it into you like a melody, an old bell, laughter you'd recognize anywhere.

but i think, perhaps most importantly above all others - talk about him. with your family, your friends, his friends, strangers; stories are how we keep the people we love alive. the connections they've made, the legacies and experiences they've left behind, and so, so many stories.

how lucky, we are - to love so much it takes a piece of us when they go. grief is the other side of the coin, but it does not mean our love goes away. it lives in you. it lives in everyone who knew him, in the smallest pieces of our lives.

the people we love never really leave us, like this: they're in how we cook and the way we fold our newspapers, our laundry, in the radio stations we tune in to and the way we decorate our walls, our photo albums. they're in the way we store our mail, organize our closets, the scribbled notes in the indexes of our books. the meals we love and the drinks we mix, the way we spend time with one another. they've been passed down for generations, for longer than history - and we are all the luckier for it.

think about what you shared with him, and do it intentionally. bring him into your life, like this, again. whether it's crosswords or poetry or sports or anything else. if one doesn't help, try another. something might click.

i hope things feel a little easier for you, as they tend to do only with time. i hope you find joy in your grief, even if it is small and hard to grasp at first. know that your hurt stems from so much love that there isn't a place to put it properly, and that it is something so meaningful and hurting poets and storytellers have been struggling to put it into words and sounds that feel like the fit right for eons, and that it is also just simply yours. sometimes things don't have to make sense. sometimes they just are - unable to be put into words or neat little sentiments, as unfair and tragic as they come.

but i promise it will not feel like this forever. your love is real. and perhaps, on where to begin on from here - i think it's less on finding where to begin and just beginning. and you've already started. you've taken the most important and crucial step: the first one. wherever you go, after that, from here? you'll figure it out. you always have, and you always do. it'll come, as things always do. love leads us, as does light - and you're never alone in your hurt. in your grief, your missing something dear to you. i think if you talk about it with others, you'll find they have ways of helping you cope as well - and they have so much love of their own to spare, too.

as an aside, here is the song (northern star by dom fera) i was listening to when i wrote this, for no other reason more than it makes me think of connections, and love, and how we hold onto the people we love and how they change us, wonderfully and intrinsically. it's a little more joyous than the others i've mentioned, and plays like a story, and it made me think of what is at the core of this, love and stories and i am here with you, and maybe it'll bring you some joy, if you'd like it. wishing you all my love and ease 💛

[per-the-jellicle-magician]

The final tally of the Warsaw costumes I do own now is:

2 full Misto costumes (2 sets of: top, pants, vest and gloves)

1 full Munk (both versions of the top, pants, both versions of gloves, detachable fur shoulder pad, collar)

1 full Bomba (unitard, gloves, shoes)

2 Cassandra unitards

2 Macavity tops

1 par of Old D pants

1 pair of Tugger gloves

1 pair of Grizabella tights

1 pair of gloves that I'm guessing were likely Sierściuch's ?

1 pair of gloves that honestly could have belonged to any grey coloured character, likely a male one

[zentriii]

quick little 1.3k?? dragon slayer!kiyoomi and shapeshifter!atsumu au ideas :3

Noble Kiyoomi embarking on a rite of passage: to bring back to his people a sign of victory, of strength. He knows what that means of course, for a family of high enough standing as his own. Years ago his brother returned with horns torn from the head of a dragon, and then his sister carved wings off the back of one. It’s his honour as a Sakusa to bring back the head of a dragon. Motoya returned with the wings of a faerie, but he’s a Komori and that was impressive enough for a family of his standing. The Sakusa’s are a little... more important, and he has no plans on embarrassing them.

So he ventures out, equipped with the sword he trained with and armour he’s grown comfortable donning. He’ll find a dragon, kill it, and bring his spoils of victory home. It’s as simple as that. Easy.

It doesn’t take long for the first step of his plan to fall into motion. Dragons converge under large coverings, hiding from the sun. The one that he stumbles upon is smaller than he thought they were, but its wings are tucked in and he dismisses the thought soon enough.

He creeps forward silently, hiding behind the foliage until he’s at the treeline. The dragon is too preoccupied with it’s food to take note, and that’s when he jumps. Kiyoomi’s blade barely reaches its vulnerable neck when it clashes against the powerful claw of another. Shit. He done fucked up.

Kiyoomi books it, tearing through the forest, only managing to stay ahead of the much larger dragon thanks to the trees. But he forgets that he’s also at its mercy too. His foot snags on a root and next thing he knows is that he’s falling over.

He doesn’t end up on the ground though. No what he ends up on is more damning than the raging beast of death hunting for him but the stranger simply shushes him and pulls him even lower to the ground, just barely covered by a low bush.

Meanwhile Atsumu’s been a human for all of a week and is about ready to call it quits. He’s been wondering through the forest yet he’s not seen any settlements despite the traveling groups that are too high strung to approach. But maybe the perfect opportunity was just waiting to fall in his lap. Literally.

After the dragon lumbers past and breathing feels safer, Kiyoomi and Atsumu come to an agreement of sorts. Atsumu, with his greater experience with dragons, will lead Kiyoomi to one he can slay. He holds no fondness for them. Atsumu’s endless chatter and questions give away what he’s taking from their agreement, so Kiyoomi graciously answers them. It’s only fair.

Atsumu doesn’t talk about why he’s so familiar or knowledgeable about the dragons, subtly evasive in ways Kiyoomi doesn’t register until he’s resting for the night. It’s only a short trek, yet he comes out having learnt more about dragons and other species than he’s ever read in books. His stomach is uneasy but there’s only a few more days left for his hunt to finish. Atsumu’s questions taper off and Kiyoomi relishes in the silence that allows him to focus. They reach the colony during sunrise of the last day.

There’s things Atsumu tells him, things Atsumu shouldn’t know as just a normal person, but that Kiyoomi doesn’t hesitate to exploit when the fight takes a turn for the vicious. It saves him, multiple times. But Atsumu’s confession during their lunch after he wraps up Kiyoomi’s wounds sour the victory.

Dragons are weak, when alone, but they’re at their strongest together. The betrayal stings, Kiyoomi’s victory was more a celebration of survival than overpowering his opponent. The bloody head they wrapped up doesn’t hold any answers for all that he glares at it for some. But what’s worse is what came after. He it runs through his mind on loop with every breath he takes as he walks back to town by himself.

Atsumu apologizing for taking him to the toughest dragon around, the leader of a colony, and thanking him for killing it anyways. Atsumu’s confusion when Kiyoomi didn’t know the difference between a solitary type and one with family to return home to. Atsumu’s guilty admission that he knows more than he should, but that he thought every human had known this, had known this to be basic fundamental dragon knowledge. Atsumu’s unintentional admittance to inhumanity. Atsumu disappearing soon after.

Kiyoomi should’ve killed him right then and there, but he already knows that there isn’t a damn difference in Atsumu’s disguise. It disgusts him to think that this whole time Atsumu was a shifter, he wonders if that was why he had so many questions about the town he’s from. Kiyoomi’s terrified and too guilty to ever admit how much of a mistake he made. He thought he could be like his siblings, hunt a dragon, make his parents proud, just like anyone else who sets out for their hunt does. Yet Kiyoomi foolishly took help from a stranger, trusted him with information that who knows what he’ll do with it, and now his hunt is over. A triumphant return, coated too heavily in shame to be warmed by.

It stings to think of Atsumu using him, but at he returns home, it stings worse to think of himself as under-prepared The next few days of his life don’t really feel like living to him, what with the shattered remains of his trust pooling around his feet.

Shame and inadequacy become close friends of him during this time, alongside the weight of guilt and betrayal. He can’t bring himself to look at the spoils of his glory, shined and preserved beside the wings and horns he spent years admiring. He wonders if it’s just him, who went into the forest unprepared. His siblings visit so rarely but he attributes it to the families of their own. After all, they’re their parents’ heir and spare. Kiyoomi’s just a nice addition, but not a necessary one.

Life moves on and Kiyoomi suffocates in his too empty house. Eventually after a talk with his cousin, he tries moving out, tries growing outside of those big walls. And it’s not easy, but it’s a bit better. His parents don’t get it, not really, and especially not at first, but Kiyoomi’s slowly growing into himself and they do, ultimately, want what’s best for him. They’re flawed as parents, deeply. That doesn’t make them inherently bad ones though. Kiyoomi slowly learns this, and eventually accepts it.

And while he’s settling in to his new life, he thinks about Atsumu. His feelings are confusing and polarizing and some days he hates him while others he misses him. He remembers Atsumu used to ask him about places to eat and so he tries giving a few places he’s never been to a try on one of the better days. He’s still slowly adjusting when one day he walks into a new one and sees the man behind the counter have the same face.

In hindsight, it was a good thing Kiyoomi likes to avoid crowds and that the store was empty with all the yelling he did when the man dragged Atsumu out from the kitchen in the back. It’s messy and Osamu threatens to kick them out but maybe he doesn’t have to lose the flickers of could have beens to past memories.

[Atsumu, to be clear, was simply trying to find his brother. Whether as a dragon in a group of dragons or a human trying to find other humans. If the only human he found was interested in slaying a dragon or two, well he knows just the asshole who has it coming.]

origins of this au

[barghest-land]

today i wish my government a very pleasant disappearance from the face of the earth

[kohakhearts]

given the opportunity i could be approximately 500% more annoying about any of my creative projects. but unfortunately .my brain is soup,

[sleepinglionhearts]

They always tell you to look out for Friday the 13th, but they never warn you about Monday the 13th

[theoldworldsrunnerup]

Mello manga panel redraw for his birthday

Original (from chapter 69):