mr-lady

[kohakhearts]

given the opportunity i could be approximately 500% more annoying about any of my creative projects. but unfortunately .my brain is soup,

[joanthangroff]

Answer the Questions and Tag 5 Fanfic Authors

Thanks for the tag @incorrectcoldflashblog! :)

1. How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I've been writing my own stories since I was like 10 or 11, but when I got on tumblr a few years later I discovered fanfiction :D First in a German forum where I mostly read Harry Potter fanfiction and eventually I tried my own hand ��� with drabbles (the actual exactly-100-words-kind of drabble, thank you very much) and then oneshots about Draco/Luna – because what else could have made me write than a rarepair? When I got more into the Glee fandom, I also got more used to fic in English and then I tried my hand on that, too (mostly because, again, I was into a rarepair that nobody else wrote about).

2. How many fandoms have you written in?

If we take all the Arrowverse shows as one fandom, it's 10 :)

3. How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

At least for 13 years :D

4. Do you read or write more fanfiction?

At the moment I read more – because I rarely write at the moment :D But usually I'd say I write more.

5. What is one way you’ve improved as a writer?

I'm much much much better at introspection!! My fics consisted mostly of dialogue when I started writing. And now I spend more time analyzing characters' thoughts and feelings, I think?

6. What’s the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

Oh, don't we all have that moment where we text our bio-engineer friend at 2am in the morning and ask "Hey, if a person in Illinois died in the night of December 11 2013 because they were struck by lightning and then got buried in moist soil, how rotten would their body have been after nine months?"

Otherwise I'd say the month I spent researching lacrosse which almost made me start playing the sport was a very wild ride, personally.

7. What’s your favorite type of comment to receive on your work?

"I love all comments equally!", I say like a father who's asked to name their favourite child. (In truth, I have always loved comments that are written while people read the fic. I used to write them, too, but since I mostly read via phone nowadays it's a hassle.)

8. What’s the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

Trans Indian Epic, baby!

9. What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

TIME TRAVEL!!! Do you know how many fic ideas I have that I just can't execute because I keep running in circles whenever I think about the implications of time travel?????? And also anything involved with lots of movement.

10. What is the easiest type?

Chatfics, my beloved <3

11. Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

I write per hand most of the time while my mum's watching something on TV that I'm not interested in. Then it gets typed up to Google Docs and from there it finds its way to ao3.

12. What is something you’ve been too nervous/intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

The Glee/Flash AU of your dreams is resting in my head. And also the Teen Wolf season 5+6 rewrite where Mason can see Auras.

13. What made you choose your username?

It was my tumblr URL at the time and is a relict of my Marauders phase. pettigrace = pettigrew + ace. Do not mention Peter Pettigrew to me unless you want to be exposed to a rant that would make me look like a Rat Apologist. (On that note: FUCK JKR!!!!!)

I am tagging @lalalenii @pikechris @sophiainspace @frosty-the-killer-doll and I cannot think of a fifth writer rn.

[sillyrabbit81]

Yours Again

Summary: You and Henry had a brief relationship onset, but you called it off when filming finished. At the film's premiere, Henry is determined to win you back for good.

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Female Reader

Word Count: approx. 2.8k

Warnings: RPF, p in v sex, implied praise kink, reader smokes a cigarette.

Authors note:

It's been a while since I've actually written a Henry piece (I think ten months!) but I got a flash of inspiration late this afternoon and wanted to see how it went. I'm sorry if its a mess. Its 2am here and I wanted to finish it in one go because lately every time I start a fic and go to sleep, I just can't pick up where I left off.

Thanks to @amberangel112 for being the worlds best title fairy and for beta reading. Thanks also to @henryobsessed for beta reading.

Edited by me (ok thats a lie, I barely read over it) there will be errors.

Dividers made by me.

Masterlist

You swallow hard as you watch Henry meander along the carpet, his arm held above his head waving to some fans behind the row of interviewers. He looks amazing in his deep navy blue woollen three piece suit and burgundy tie. He gives the fans his full 1000 watt smile, then turns his attention back to the interviewer.

He came alone.

You weren’t sure if he would, there had been rumours he was seeing someone. Well, maybe he is, but if it isn’t serious enough for him to go public, then maybe you still have a chance. You shake your head, there is no way you would work despite what he says, there is no point even thinking that way. What you two had was nothing more than an onset fling. You were lucky to even talk to him, you were the screenwriter for God’s sake, most of the time even the director ignored you. You don’t even know how you managed to get invited to the premiere.

Your heart leaps into your throat as he notices you and his lips raise into a grin as his eyes light up in recognition. You turn away, embarrassed that you had been caught staring. He’s going to think you’re a creep.

You hurry along the carpet to the waiting photographers, and although you know your time in front of them will be limited, a courtesy at best, you are keen to get it over with. You pose like you had practised, (a friend of yours is married to a well-known director and she gave you pointers,) when the photographers suddenly showed a lot more interest, lights flashing brightly and blinding you for a moment.

When the dark spots leave your eyes and your vision clears, you see what all the fuss is about as Henry snakes his arm around your waist and his lips caress your cheek. His kiss is chaste, as intimate as one would expect between colleagues, but his fingers dig into your side and his eyes burn with a feverish blue flame that speaks to a deeper desire. You breathe deeply, and your mouth waters as his familiar scent fills your nose like vapours. He always smells divine. Even after a full day of shooting high intensity action sequences, when he would follow you to your room at the end of filming, he would always offer to shower and you would always tell him it could wait.

He faces the photographers and his voice is low as he speaks just loud enough to be heard above the demanding calls of his name, “You look stunning, sweetheart.”

You try to reply, but the words get stuck in your throat. He digs his fingers into your waist again and murmurs, “Breathe. You’re alright.”

“I should go,” you say, pulling away from his grasp.

“I’ll come find you,” he says both as a parting farewell and a promise.

Inside the theatre is as noisy as outside, but far less intimidating. One of the PA’s guides you through the lobby, pointing out the bar and the concession stand where boxes of popcorn lined the counter. You take a drink, some sort of white wine and find your way to the back entrance fumbling in your tiny clutch for a cigarette and lighter.

You slump against the wall in relief once the comforting chafe of the smoke burns your throat and fills your lungs. Sweeter still is the nicotine as it seeps into your blood and mollifies your agitated disposition. As soon as you finish the cigarette, you light another, knowing the film would be a long one, you need as much help to get through it, unsure of whether it would be seemly to have a mid-movie smoke break.

“I thought I’d find you here,” Henry’s temperate baritone interrupts your thoughts and your anxiety piques again. “Another failed quitting attempt, I see?” he adds with a smile.

Shrugging, you return his smile with a nervous one of your own. “I lasted two weeks this time,” you say with stubborn pride.

“Good girl,” he says teasingly and his tongue sweeps swiftly over his lips. You try not to gawk at his actions, but his rumbled words of praise take you back to those nights together all those months ago and you’re stuck in a trance. He takes the cigarette from your fingers, drops it into the ashtray filled with sand and butts sticking out like porcupine quills and leans into you.

“Henry, don’t,” you say.

“Why not?” he asks, his playful mood dissolving instantly as his brows come together and he tilts his head questioning. “We were so good together.”

“Don’t ruin what we had by trying to make it into something more,” you say gently, “our lives just… we aren’t meant for anything long term.”

Henry grimaces, his sharp jaw tightens as he clenches his teeth and the muscles dance beneath his perfectly manicured stubbled cheek. “You’re wrong,” he says finally, “what we have could last a lifetime.”

“What we had,” you say firmly, though your guts are churning, “was a good time. Nothing more.”

“Then why are there tears in your eyes, sweetheart?” he asks, placing his hand on your cheek, “And why does it hurt every time I go home and you’re not there?”

“Because you’re a sap,” you say, unable to stop one side of your mouth lifting into a grin, “a hopeless romantic who can’t see how world’s apart our lives are.”

“Ah, so that's why it feels like the ground is shaking whenever our worlds collide.”

You press your lips together and you succeed in holding in your laughter for all of two seconds before you snort and cover your mouth. “Dear God, Henry, that was awful.”

“Made you laugh, though,” he grins. “Come on, let's get a drink before the presentation starts.”

Hours and several drinks later, you’re pressed up against Henry’s door, your lips locked against his as he fumbles with his door. The key finally finds home and he wraps his arm around you, drawing you close as he turns the handle.

Kal is at the door instantly, his insistent rubbing against your legs makes you both pause for a pat. “Shh, good boy,” Henry croons as he gets on his haunches.

Kal's tail slaps against your legs as you catch your breath and sink your hand into his plush, thickening winter coat. He keeps turning his head towards you and Henry lets him go. Kal turns and you smile as you bend your knees mirroring Henry’s position and scratch behind his ears.

“Aww, puppy,” you laugh, “you remember me.”

Kal raises his head quickly and it puts you off balance and you come down hard on your ass, “Oof, fuck!” you swear and Henry laughs as he offers you his hand.

“You ok?” he asks between chuckles.

You nod and your cheeks heat with embarrassment and the lingering warmth of alcohol. You are only a little tipsy, intoxicated with a gentle and waning buzz.

Henry lifts your chin with a curled finger and his eyes seek yours. “Are you ok with this?” he drops his hand and moves it back and forth between you, “I want you so badly, but not just for tonight.”

You were hoping this wouldn’t come up until after, or preferably not at all and you could sneak out during the night, leaving him with a regretful kiss while he dreamed.

“Henry…”

“This isn’t just a fling,” he says fiercely, “This is real, I know the difference, even if you’re too blind or stubborn to see it.”

“I know,” you whisper softly, “But that doesn’t mean it will work.”

“How do you know? How do you know when you never gave us a chance?”

You take a long shuddering inhale and open your mouth to tell him no, but you just can’t force the words out. He’s right, you never did give him a chance, you never gave the relationship a real shot. You assume it couldn’t work, but you don’t really know for sure.

“All I’m asking you to do is to give us a chance,” Henry whispers, placing his hand on the back of your neck.

You raise your hand to his cheek, his sharp whiskers prick into your palm. You remember the days after your first nights together, how sore and rough your skin became from his rough and chafing kiss. In those first few early days it had been nothing but fun, a cheeky romp with a man whose company you enjoyed, but by the night of the wrap party it was obvious that Henry wanted more. He started changing his work schedule saying no to smaller projects and interviews to carve out space for you. Seeing his work load, even one reduced as it was, scared you.

“Stay the night?” he asks, solemnly, unable to wait for you to reply, “Be there in the morning when I wake up, don’t run out on us again.”

Your motivation for breaking things off at the time seemed logical, you had figured that breaking it off before it got too serious would save you both a world of pain. But it hadn’t, you missed him. You missed him in that sickly sweet love sick way that made everything remind you of him. Every song on the radio, every smell, every joke you heard that you want to share, all bring him back into your thoughts.

“I can’t stop thinking about you,” you whisper, “I tried so hard to forget you, but you’re in me so deeply, you’re in everything I see.”

“So stay,” he leans his forehead on yours, and your heart pumps so hard it feels like it’s about to leap from your chest.

“I don’t think I have it in me to leave again,” you confess.

Henry exhales a long sigh and breathes, “Come to bed with me?”

He kisses your cheeks, first one then the other, his lips brushing your heated skin with a feathery, tender touch. An ache grows between your legs as you stand on your toes and kiss his neck and murmur into his ear, “Make me yours again.”

Groaning, he dips his head into your neck and lift your chin, and his lips move over your throat. “You were always mine,” his voice is ragged and rasping, “You just wouldn’t admit it.”

He walks you to his room as you kiss under his raised jaw, his short stubble stung your lips and tongue. You pull his shirt from his pants, desperate to feel his skin under your fingers while he unbuttoned his vest and tore at his tie. You step out of your shoes as Henry guides you backwards and stops you before you reach his bed.

You break apart, both fumbling with your own clothes, both eying the other hungrily until you’re both down to your underwear.

“Don’t stop,” you say, biting your lip as you drag your panties down your thighs.

Henry grins and pulls down his trunks. Your eyes widen, and your hand moves towards him as if drawn by a magnetic pull, but you stop yourself, instead letting your fingers sink into the coarse dark hair that covers his chest.

“You’re a tease, baby,” Henry grumbles, but his tone is playful and without rebuke.

You smirk as you kiss his shoulder and he grabs hold of your hips with an approving hum. His thumbs rub against your hip bone as your lips move across the planes of his chest. Your fingers skim over his smooth, taut stomach, and though his fingers dig into your delicate skin and his breathing becomes shallow and rapid, he seems content to let you take the lead. You close your eyes, savouring his smell, texture and taste, reacquainting yourself with his body. It's slightly different since you last saw him, like he’s put on a bit of weight, and you like his newfound softness.

With a short grunt, Henry’s patience gives out and he draws your bodies together, sliding his hands around your back, pulling you closer making you gasp as you feel his warm skin against yours. He rolls his hips against you while your hands feel their way to his neck and tugging gently on his neck, you kiss him, slowly, teasingly, sucking softly on his silky lips. His hips move against you and you feel his cock harden with each steady, deliberate, grinding pass.

He groans into your mouth, and takes hold of your hand, “Baby, get on the bed, I need you.”

As soon as your head hits the pillows Henry’s body covers yours and you wrap your legs around him. He holds himself above you, his powerful arms are outstretched next to your head. He’s so beautiful above you like this; his muscles taut and flexed, his face so open and sincere.

“I feel like I’ve waited so long to have you beneath me again,” he says as he lays a hand against your neck and his thumb runs along your jaw. He lowers his body to rest on yours and with a low groan he moves his hips and his cock slides effortlessly over your pussy. “Fuck, you’re so ready.”

You moan, moving your hips, relishing the feel of him as his silky hardness slides over your clit. You close your eyes, remembering how he felt the first time you had been together skin against skin. Your eyes fly open and your heart stops before it thunders in your chest and you feel cold.

“Do we need a condom,” you ask, as your stomach twists in fear.

Henry’s brows come together, and he tilts his head in confusion. “We stopped using them ages ago.”

“But have you…” you swallow down the bile rising in your throat and you try again, “Have you been with anyone?”

“No,” he murmurs, lowering his body until your chests meet, “Baby, I don’t want anyone but you.”

Relief warms your blood as his mouth lowers onto yours. His kiss is rougher, harder, and desperate and you kiss him back with the same hunger. Flares of heat build between your legs as you move against each other like masochists, teasing each other until he can no longer stand it and his hand grips your thigh and opens your leg wider.

Henry moves his hips until his cock is pressing against your core. He lifts his head and his eyes find yours, waiting for a sign that you’re ready. You nod and he watches your expression with parted lips as he enters you, stretching you, filling you completely.

“Oh my God,” you moan, arching your back as sweet bliss takes over your senses.

Henry raises to his knees, holding your thighs in his hands as he watches his cock pump into you, “Fuck, your cunt looks so good stretched around me.” He lowers himself over you again, slipping his arms around you, squeezing you tight against him. “You feel so good.”

You raise your lips to his and his mouth covers yours as he rocks slowly over you. Your fingers slip into his hair, over his shoulders and down his arms and back again. Although you had months apart, your bodies seem to sync quickly, settling into a familiar rhythm. Usually, Henry would change positions after a time, but he doesn't, seemingly content to stay close, watching your every reaction. He kisses you sometimes, sometimes he closes his eyes, appearing to be lost in the sensations. But mostly he looks at you with a small smile on his lips.

He reaches between your bodies and presses his thumb against your clit while his hand lays flat against your belly, pressing down firmly. He remembers your body so well and it doesn’t take long for your thighs to quiver and your body winds tighter and tighter. He builds you steadily, eyes wandering over your body until you shout out his name.

“That’s it,” he says groaning your name, “Cum for me, baby, I know you can do it.”

You close your eyes as you shatter and with a shout as your body surges, undulating beneath him as euphoric heat burns through your veins. You gasp for breath as your hazy mind clears.

“God, I’ve missed watching you cum,” Henry mutters in your ear as his gentle thrusts become harder and an urgency overtakes his movements. “You have no idea what it does to me. You’re gonna make me cum.”

Weak from your release, you can barely hold on as he calls your name and he throws his head back with gritted teeth. He groans as he holds himself deep within you while his cock throbs deep in your core, spilling thick ribbons of cum inside you with every lurid pulse.

Henry’s head falls into the crook of your neck, his sweat slickened forehead burrows into you as his lips move over your skin. You stroke his hair and caress his back, neither of you seeming to want this moment to end.

Eventually Henry lifts his head, his eyes appear to be full of a nervous anticipation, as if he feared… something. You look back at him confused, then it hits you and you let a smile play over your lips as you give him your reassurance.

“I’m not going anywhere Henry.”

[whootwhoot]

»»—— 𝘛𝘛𝘛𝘊 𝘊𝘩𝘢𝘱𝘵𝘦𝘳 2: "𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘴" ——««

Akaashi Keiji x Fem! Reader

author’s notes: holy shit im so sorry for the not posting in such a long time ;-; i had stuff i needed to clean up + i was lazy- anyways this is the second chapter for my first long fic “Third Times The Charm” sorry for the delay ^^ compared to the previous one this one involves more conversations since im not good at writing movements lmAO enjoy uwu

☕ synopsis: Iwaizumi Y/n, a student who goes to Aoba Johsai as well as the second year manager for the school’s male volleyball team. What happens when she sets eyes on the cute setter from Fukurodani?

[ CHAPTER 2 - First texts ] 

“Oh shit.” 

Your phone screen fades to black as you sit there biting your lip. Baffled by how stupid you were, you slam your face into the pillow next to you.

“You had one chance, one chance and you did what? You forgot about it, your stupid brain forgot about it. Are you kidding me?”

You let out a loud groan as you sit back up, the bed sheet wrinkles while you release that breath of air you’ve been holding. Your hands wandered around your phone’s keyboard, too nervous to reply but too anxious not to. 

Akaashi seems like a genuine guy, he doesn’t show off or boast about himself. He’s just always there, the way he smiles when he successfully makes a perfect set, the way his delicate hands toss the ball, his eyes only focusing on you…

“Y/n! Get a grip! What are you even thinking?!” a couple more groans and turns on your bed and you are more awake than before. 

Honestly you never expected a reply from him at all. Sure, the idea of that crossed your mind, maybe more than several times but the thought of it actually happening? There’s no way.  

“It’s like my brain short circuited somehow.” you whisper while sitting up, leaning against the headboard of your mattress. 

Maybe the impression of you from your previous lover affected you more than you want to admit. “You’re annoying.” “Undeserving of love.” “No one can even stand a clingy person like you.” 

Your vision turns blurry as you feel cold tears gently running down your face. You wipe them away, hoping to erase the emotions bubbling up inside of you away too. 

The insecurities you try to push away seem to have formed a wall, a never ending wall that just stacks higher and higher. Just when you thought you have gotten over it, the tiniest shard of the most fragile moment can make you fall back down again.

The creaking sound of your room door makes you jump as your brother peeks his head inside your room. 

“Haji? It’s 2am you, you should be sleeping!” 

“You didn’t close the lights in your room so I thought I’d check up on you.”

“Your eyes look reddish, are you okay?” 

You lift your shoulders in a shrug, Hajime comes into your room and stands right in front of you and folds his arms. 

“Is this the older brother's lecturing time?” you ask while raising your eyebrow

“And for the record, I’m fine. You don’t have to-”

“I think I do.” Hajime stares at you intensely 

“You should've gotten over that jerk ages ago.”

“I know, I know” you release your breath and repeat the sentence he once told you  “The first love cuts the deepest, but not every cut leaves a scar.” 

“And?”

“Well, I don’t know but just… what makes you think I deserve love?”

“Iwaizumi Y/n, you are my sister. No one knows you better than I-”

“DOUBT! THERE’S NO WA-.”

“SHUT UP AND LET ME FINISH.”

You laugh in amusement while Hajime licks his lips as his mouth forms a small smile. 

“Ok but the point is, you’ll find someone who’ll love you as much as you love them eventually. No one in the world is undeserving of love.”

You rest your chin on your palm while eyeing and slyly grinning towards your brother.

“Eww since when have you learned to be so cheesy?” 

“It’s called quality love advice, you should try them sometime.”

“YOU DUMBASS”

He ducks just in time to avoid the pillow you flung at him. 

“Stop yelling or the neighbours are going to hear you!”

He continues to laugh while rushing to the door. He stands at your door and gestures his hand at the light switch.

You grab your blanket and nod your head while laying down, the bed softly creaking causing him to chuckle. Hajime closes the lights and leaves your room quietly.

His warm words hang around  in the cold room as you slowly drift off to sleep. 

“Thanks Haiji-nisan.” 

----

╔═════ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ══════╗

Y/n:

Hello, it’s me  😓

The girl who was randomly texting you last night 

╚═════ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ══════╝

----

No reply

You furiously type on your phone while staring at the screen intensely in hopes that he sees your messages. 

----

╔═════ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ══════╗

Y/n:

I forgot about that photo 😓 😓 , I'm sorry if it seemed weird or uh rude

And uh i just hope that maybe we can get to know each other

Unknown:

Okay.

╚═════ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ══════╝

----

Okaayyy he replied,  so that’s a good sign… right? 

Biting your lips, you place your thumb on the phone to prevent the screen from fading and eventually closing. 

----

╔═════ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ══════╗

Y/n:

Soooooooo I’m Iwaizumi Y/n  😇 😇

Unknown:

Akaashi Keiji.

╚═════ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ══════╝

----

“God damn it, he’s such a conversation killer.” you mumble under your breath 

----

╔═════ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ══════╗

Y/n:

I’m from Aoba Johsai!! 

Akaashi: 

You’re the spikers younger sister? Iwaizumi?

Y/n:

Well duh  😂

Where are you from? 

╚═════ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ══════╝

----

You ran your hand through your hair, cringing at how hard you're trying. 

Maybe you could just tell him, you know like “Hey hot stuff, I think you attracted me with your stunning good looks so I want to date you.” you mock while pointing finger guns at the mirror. 

Just then, the familiar ringtone of your phone notification rings and you scramble to see who it was. 

----

╔═════ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ══════╗

El is best girl:

Heyyyyy, you got the text yet? 

Y/n:

Yeah

El is best girl:

Daaaaaaamn I take it you're disappointed that it wasn't him who appeared on your notification?  😔 😔

Y/n:

NO NO NO OF COURSE NOT 

I love texting you  😘

El is best girl:

Awhh save it lmAO 

Did you text him back?

Y/n:

😤 He’s not giving anything to work with here 

El is best girl: 

Pshhh I mean just ask him how his day was or like 

At least try to keep the conversation going 

Y/n:

I'M TRYING

LIKE  😩

REALLY HARD HERE

El is best girl:

lmAoOOOO

Y/n:

HOLD UP HE JUST TEXTED ME 

╚═════ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ══════╝

----

You hurriedly press into your chat with Akaashi

----

╔═════ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ══════╗

Akaashi:

I’m from Fukurodani.

Y/n:

Isn’t that just a few minutes away from my school 😮 ?

Akaashi:

I think so.

Y/n:

Cool 

Anyways

Um how was your day?

“Akaashi is typing”

╚═════ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ══════╝

----

“I can’t decide if he’s typing really slow or he’s sending a long text…” You decide to place your phone down and doodle on your papers while waiting for his reply. 

----

“Bokuto-san, she asked me how my day went.”

“Don’t reply to her anymore! Let her wait for you to text back, it builds a sense of mystery.” 

Bokuto suggests while winking. 

“Bokuto-san it’s not really nice to leave people on read.”

“Akaashi, I’m the ladies man, listen to me and your love life this time wouldn’t end like the last two.”

Akaashi can’t help but grin at his confident “wingman”, it’s no secret his past relationships were… well not that good, but to ask for Bokuto for help? 

“But-”

“Hey you were the one who asked for help when a girl texted you.” “Plus, didn’t you find her cute too? The short girl manager watched our match at camp.”

“What?”

“You were staring when she wasn’t looking, and after the first time you saw her from the bus you were trying to get to know which school bus it was.”

Akaashi’s jaw almost drops at his friend's observant nature that he didn’t know existed, apparently when it comes to love Bokuto isn’t as… well, dumb, as he seems. He tries to form words to deny Bokuto’s accusation but he can’t seem to find a reason to do so. 

“Also just play hard to get, girls love a challenge.”

“...” “Maybe I’ll wait a little longer before I reply to her.”

---- 

╔═════ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ══════╗

Y/n:

Um Akaashi?  😅

Uh  😅 😅

You know, if you’re not interested in talking to me you could’ve just said so

Akaashi:

Sorry I was busy, I had volleyball practice.

Y/n:

OH I’M SO SORRY 

I didn’t know you have practice on weekends ;-; 

Akaashi:

It’s all right.

Y/n:

Anyways how’s practice^^ was it fun?

Akaashi:

Yeah, it was like usual.

╚═════ ∘◦ ❉ ◦∘ ══════╝

----

“HE’S” “SUCH” “A” “DRY” “TEXTER” “AAAAAAAAAAAA”

You scream inside your head while holding yourself back from banging your head on the table. 

----

╔═════ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ══════╗

Y/n:

Do you think we can maybe, meet up?  👉 👈

Like 

Uh  😶

Akaashi:

Date?

Y/n:

NO NO  😲 

I mean we never met of course not haahahahaha 

Akaashi:

Meeting up just to get to know each other then?

Y/n:

Ah yes that’s it, like a gathering

If you don’t mind 

Akaashi:

I’ll see if I’m available. 

Y/n:

Cool! Is next Sunday fine?

Akaashi:

We’ll see. 

Y/n:

...

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----

���═════ ∘◦ ☆ ◦∘ ══════╗

El is best girl:

Wowww playing hard to get huh 

He sure is a tricky one

Y/n:

I don’t think I like where this is going

El is best girl:

It lowkey kinda ruins the impression you have of him huh 

Ah well 

It’s probably his first time or something

Have a little hope  😔  

Y/n:

Well 

I have one week to prepare 

HAVE FAITH  😍 😍

El is best girl:

Hell yeah 

Any thoughts on where you’re taking him 

If you don’t I mayyyyy have suggestionsssssssss 

AHHAAHAHAHAHA

Y/n:

God damn it El 

We’ll just be talking okay 

I do have a place in mind though

El is best girl:

Go on

Y/n:

You know the ice cream shop? At the street? 

El to is best girl:

Ohh an ice cream shop 

Very intriguing  🥺

Don’t tell me it’s because of that article 

Y/n:

I mean

El is best girl:

LMAO you 

You seriously believe you can tell someone’s personality by their favourite ice cream flavour?

Grow a brain Y/n 

Y/n:

You’re one to talk  🙄 🙄

Anyways I’m off to prepare dinner for tonight

El is best girl:

Owh Iwaizumi-kun teaching you to cook again

Let’s hope you don’t bring the kitchen down with you okay dear

Y/n:

Sometimes I wonder how we’re friends

El is best girl:

Nah it’s simple really

You looooooooove me uwu

Y/n:

Ew

Go away 

El is best girl:

😳 😳 😳

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- end of chapter 2 -

« masterlist / previous / next »

(author’s end notes: i hope yall enjoyed this lmAO its pretty long ^^ anyways im writing their texts from y/n’s POV so the nicknames she gives her contacts might change owo)

[marypsue]

fanfic: First 5 prime numbers!

why would you force me, a writer and known dumbass, to try to remember math stuff

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one? 

I was going to be extremely witty and paste in screenshots of the list of fandoms on my AO3, but tumblr is having a breakdown and won’t let me, so I’ll just go with the short answer: lots. 

There are different things I like about all of the different canons - and fandoms - that I’ve written for. I love cheesy jokes no matter where I go, but I also like the rich mine of angst and garish darkness that the Lost Boys have to offer. I love the fairy-tale structure and the heady romance of Labyrinth, I like how I can basically just write original fiction when it comes to the X-Men and it’s probably canon to something somewhere, and I appreciate the challenge of trying to nail the tone of RAM while still keeping the depth of character and the core of sincerity and emotion that I’m gonna end up bringing to anything I write about. (And also, projecting. Did I mention projecting?)

ROTG in particular stands out for the sheer creative freedom the fandom encouraged - we made up an AU where several different versions of the main villain (English movie, Finnish dub, book, concept art) lived together and attended the same university (along with multiple versions of the other characters) and it was sheer unadulterated crack. We wrote mythos. We wrote an expanded steampunk Treasure Planet universe full of high tragedy and classic-children’s-lit drama. We wrote poetry. We wrote ambitious crossovers and extraordinarily complex backstories for characters who ended up being Not That Deep. We wrote ridiculous comedy nonsense. We wrote so much fluff. My partner @gretchensinister created an entirely original fantasy alternate world and wrote a high fantasy novel inspired by the characters, which she’s planning to turn into an original series (speaking of, I will always shamelessly plug A Draught Of Light. If you liked A:TLA, you owe it to yourself to read it, and you don’t need to know anything about ROTG to enjoy it. In fact, you might enjoy it more not knowing anything about ROTG, though a few inside jokes might go over your head).

With that said, though, I think I have enjoyed writing for Gravity Falls the most. Partly it’s because of the skills I developed working in the other fandoms, so that now I feel confident enough in my work that I can stop worrying so much about making it good and just have fun with it. Partly it’s because the tone, the mood and the theme, of the series align with my interests and my values so well. It’s the kind of story that I would like to write, it’s the kind of story that I wish I’d written, and I love all of the characters so much but also can relate to so many of them, that getting to expand on it and play in its universe is just a treat and a joy. I may have found my forever fandom.

(The rest of this is going behind a cut for length because it turns out all of my answers are like this.)

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.

I…don’t get reader inserts. Especially the ones that include the little (y/n). (Partly because it jolts me right out of a story, partly because for the first while after the trend started, I was reading them as ‘yes/no’ and was extremely confused.) I understand that the intent is to create a story where the reader can easily imagine themselves as the protagonist, but…you have to give that protagonist some traits, and have them make choices, and in order to do that you have to give them some sort of a personality, and then 1) not every person who reads it will be able to go ‘oh yeah, that’s me’ and 2) you’ve got an original character anyway! 

I saw a post recently where someone had drawn a picture with the caption “this is what (y/n), the reader of my story x, looks like” and listed a set of personality traits/likes and dislikes, like, at that point…just give them a name! They’re an OC! 

With that said, though, like self-inserts, reader inserts are fun (for people who like that sort of thing) and harmless, and I really hope nobody’s being a dick about them. Fandom should be fun, and even if I don’t get that thing you’re doing for fun, that doesn’t mean you’re Doing It Wrong.

Also, I fucking love making up OCs, and if allowed, I would do nothing but that all day.

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Oh, this is cruel. I should not have done this. 

So, there are a lot of them. Apparently some people don’t spend all their free time coming up with bullshit ideas that spiral wildly out of their control into full, developed narratives that require tens of thousands of words to fully express? I bet those people have cleaner bedrooms than I do. Also probably more money.

Again, I’ve gotten better at this with lots of time and practice, so a lot of my earlier stuff is less well-executed than I’d want it to be. There are still ideas that I like, and stuff I’m proud of finishing, but I wouldn’t say they’re favourites, because the execution is less skillful and less polished than some newer things. With that said, though, I still have a big ol’ soft spot for Northern Lights, which was my indoctrination into the genre of ‘wildly self-indulgent crossovers and rampant canon revisionism’. Same with It Was A Dark And Stormy Night, the first multi-chaptered thing I ever finished. You can see the seeds of some classic Mary tropes in it, including ‘what if we just took all the female characters who were mentioned once and develop them into fully-realised people with important roles in this story’, as well as some tropes that have since fallen by the wayside (I do not do nearly as much with fairy tales as I did when I was a teenager).

Dreamland deserves a shot at the title, as do Reincarnation Blues and Raising Stakes. But purely for scale, ambition, and how closely the execution matches the ideal version that exists only in my head, my absolute favourite multi-chaptered fic has to be Hive. I’ve been trying to write decent horror for eleven long years and Hive makes me feel like I’ve finally nailed it. 

7) When is your preferred time to write?

Preferred time to write is from midnight to 2am. 

Best time to write is literally any other time than that, probably. 

(I’ve read all the science and the thinkpieces. I am aware that the only reason 2am seems like such a good time for creative work is because you’re tired enough that your internal self-regulation is low and your inner critic is silenced, and also because it’s often the only time when we sit down and let ourselves focus on the work with no distractions - because there aren’t any. I’m working on introducing this environment into the rest of my day so that I am not in a permanent state of sleep deprivation. Funnily enough, writing in a dimly-lit room and working on a dimmed computer screen really seems to help.) 

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?

Not that I can remember.

To be fair, I have received very few criticisms after posting that were about writing issues rather than matters of personal taste (and most of those have been along the lines of ‘so uh, I know you knew mentally what was going on in this scene, but the critical piece of information never actually made it to the page’). But…I also…take long enough to work on things and have so many damn things on the go that once something is posted, it’s posted, and I have to make a promise to myself to never touch it again, otherwise I would spend all my time nitpicking and never finish anything. If somebody’s noticed a legitimate issue or possible improvement, it is incredibly likely that I will go ‘oh dang why didn’t I notice that’ and then mentally file it for use in future stuff. I’ve only ever taken one fic down, and most of the edits I do after the fact are for tagging or author’s notes.

I did amend the ending of Any Misery You Choose, but that was less because I got criticism (people were actually incredibly nice about it!) and more because I was extremely dissatisfied with how the original ending turned out, because I hadn’t adhered to the plan I myself had made, because I was rushing to finish the damn thing. (Protip: don’t do that.)

(please, please, please let these actually be the first five prime numbers)

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Hey Lovely! I was wondering how you first became a part of the fandom? When did you start watching the show, at what point did you feel John and Sherlock might be(come) a thing, what made you start a blog on these two? I just want to know it all ^^ Hope you don't mind sharing a bit :) Thank you for everything you do for this fandom, love you lots!

Hi Lovely!

Oh gosh, what a nice question! I think I’ve talked about this in snippets in various posts, this post being the one talking the most about it, but never as a whole! Apologies if this turns into a long ramble, hah hah!

So I remember exactly when I got into the show SO CLEARLY. It was July of 2013, just a few months before S3 was to air in January 2014. I was over at my friends’ place, and they suggested the show to watch, since we always watch movies together whenever I visit. I remember asking, “Is that the show with Martin Freeman and that Khan actor from Star Trek 2?”. We finished Season one all in one go, and immediately fell in love with Ben and Martin’s portrayals and their chemistry. And then I had to head back home. I was ANGRY because OMG WHAT HAPPENS NEXT and my friends just laughed.

So as soon as I got home, I downloaded S1 and S2 and watched them ALL the way through. I needed more. So, because I already had a Tumblr and knew it was for fandoms, I decided to see what it had to offer. 

Oh boy what did I get into???

So I lurked for a bit, and then I discovered something called “meta”, back when the TRF theories were the prominent meta in the fandom. So while I was getting deep into meta, I started switching my fanart from Ninja Turtles to Sherlock, because I was warming up to Ben’s ethereal face and I wanted to draw it. And I wanted to be a Sherlock fanartist. I briefly shipped Sher1011ie for a week or so, until I rewatched the series again and it just didn’t jive like it did the first few watch-throughs. I was too invested in John and Sherlock’s friendship – I saw them as bestest friends ever, too devoted to each other.

Now, at this point, y’all need to remember this: I was naïve, have never been exposed at length nor ever heard of subtext, was and am not part of the LGBT community (I grew up in a different time and in a conservative city, so being “gay” just wasn’t a thing), had a very heteronormative view on my life, and I just had always just insisted that in all of my fandoms, when I liked two male characters together, it was because “bestest friends ever!!”. I didn’t know I was ace and I’d never read smut up until 3 years ago (yes hi hello I’m so old and so innocent LOL).

Okay, so I was just lurking for a bit, learning my way around fandom, reading meta and just generally dipping my toes quietly into the fandom.

Then came Season 3. 

As many of my followers know, a lot of my fondness for season 3 stems from this being the season that LITERALLY opened my eyes to EVERYTHING: subtext, Johnlock, my own sexuality, and my meta-writing career. 

So, season 3 aired and I decided to dip my toes into “reviewing” the episodes as my first “meta”. They were posted onto my multi-fandom blog here, here and here. I was so proud of them, because it reinvigorated my love for writing (I used to be a pretty prominent Sonic fan-fic author back in the 90′s… I never finished my stories because my interest in the fandom died before I finished them), despite how laughably bad they were, haha. I got a couple compliments on them, but nothing beyond that, especially since I sat down and wrote them for HOURS after each episode aired.

Sometime between TSo3 and HLV, I discovered loudest-subtext-in-television (aka LSiT) and deducingbbcsherlock completely by accident and I was FASCINATED. I ate up everything they wrote. The first time I watched TSo3, something was niggling at my brain but I couldn’t quite place it. It was one of LSiT’s meta that twigged at it. That’s when I learned about subtext, heteronormativity and the queer community. And suddenly, just like that, something in my brain clicked.

Oh. My god. This show is gay, and I actually SHIP these idiots like I did in the Mother Ship (ie. The X-Files Mulder / Scully). That’s why I was SO ANNOYED with Irene. Why Molly was slowly grating on me. Why Mary’s introduction kind of annoyed me but okay I guess I can deal with it. Why everything seemed really romantic but it just couldn’t be, could it? 

I rewatched the series. And it was gay. Y’all, those rainbow-coloured glasses were suddenly GLUED to my head, and I saw gay EVERYWHERE.

So, after HLV, I discovered The Johnlock Conspiracy and I was eating up all the meta about Johnlock I could. Around this time, I also was learning a lot about the LGBT community, its history and sexual fluidity from wsswatson. It was also around this time I discovered asexuality, and I started reading a lot about it. 

In February of 2014, I started this blog because I wanted a place to reblog Johnlock meta. This was the first post I made on this blog, and looking back at it now, I am DYING because wow I never imagined I was going to be this deep into the fandom the day I wrote that. I don’t even remember writing it, to be very honest. I just shake my head, HAH. I think I really started understanding Johnlock because of this post here. It’s still one of my favourites and is one of the ones I credit for helping me understand what I was watching was actually a romance, not a “crime show”. 

Anyway, after learning how to read subtext from mostly LSiT (they wrote a meta about how to read subtext and it was super informative) and other Johnlock bloggers, I wanted to try my hand at my own little Johnlock meta. It was more of an observational post, as my way of trying to interact with the fandom. I am a terribly nervous and shy person, so I never tagged anyone in anything. It was an overwhelming fandom, and it was terrifying to interact. A few bigger bloggers noticed me and were nice enough to comment on a couple of my posts, but I mostly stayed in my little corner, and interacted with my small little group of other smaller fans. I dabbled in both fanart and writing, just plopping my thoughts and art into the aether, hoping something would interest someone enough to start a discussion. 

I started getting braver, and I was “moderating” some of my favourite posts that weren’t mine, but had my additions to it. Mostly, the Phones and Hearts post. I didn’t want to impede, but it was one of my favourite posts, so I went and copied all of the comments in the notes and put them onto one post. I don’t honestly remember HOW I ended up moderating it, but I just did because I was FASCINATED with symbolism, and I was excited because I could finally read subtext and understand it. I still had a small following, and a few people I regularly interacted with on my blog.

So, during the hiatus between S3 and TAB, somewhere along the way I suddenly had a sexuality crisis, when I suddenly realized I wasn’t broken and there was absolutely nothing wrong with me, and damn it, there’s such thing as split attraction model and asexuality?? Mind was BLOWN. I was also slowly becoming obsessed with Mary’s character, and at the time I couldn’t understand why (inevitably, it was because of events happening in my own life and me trying to understand them), but I really enjoyed just psychoanalyzing her. It’s something I’ve ALWAYS loved doing – character studies; I’ve done it in EVERY fandom I’ve been in – and I was doing it for her, Sherlock and John’s characters. 

So yeah, nothing much really happened to me during the S3 hiatus, except my entire world view flipped on its head and I was completely Johnlocked beyond repair. I became known for some painful posts and some lovely revelations and writing a lot of character study posts on both John and Sherlock. I’m very proud of some of my earlier meta, just sad they never really got seen (some of my earliest meta can be seen on my Ao3).

Then came the announcement for TAB in 2015, and the start of my “Tumblr Career”. I put a lot of my energy into my fandom life. I was OBSESSED with TAB, and became known for it. I put my moderation skills to use and created the TAB Starter Pack, which started gaining me some followers because OMG some loser is taking the time out of their day to compile all the news about this new series! AWESOME. I remember, it was around this time I was excited because I got to 1895 followers and it was one of those milestones all Johnlockers like having, hahah. 

In October of 2015, I lost my job and was unemployed. Conveniently, this is also the time when the promo season for TAB started, because we now had a name and airdate. I devoted a LOT of my time, when I wasn’t job hunting, to working on this blog. I was just writing a lot, and obsessing about the upcoming episode.

Then the trailer aired.

And immediately after that trailer dropped on October 24, 2015, I made this post here, which, some would probably say, was the beginning of everything for me. As I was writing that post, with a cracking headache, something clicked in my head, and several hours later, I had written and posted the original Mind Palace Theories of TAB at 2AM-ish, and went to bed.

When I woke up, my post had suddenly gone viral and I couldn’t figure out why. Then it just kept expanding from there, and I made sure to include everything I could onto it, because WOW something I wrote was gaining traction, and interaction, and I just wanted us all to have a good time with it. And as the time for TAB drew closer, suddenly I was gaining followers, and more people interested in what I had to write. I welcomed everyone to continue to predict the outcome with me.

January 1st. Was a complete and total mind fuck. I was liveblogging the episode, and inadvertently created another viral post with my Mycroft’s Death post because FUCK ARE THEY KILLING MYCROFT OFF?? kind of freaked people out (sorry loves!), which gained me some more followers, and at the time, my top post was my December 31st reblog of my Mind Palace Theories post, so anyone who came to my blog, it would have been on the first page of it.

After the episode aired, suddenly, EVERYONE had questions for me, about EVERYTHING, but mostly to scream at me that I was a mind reader, LOL. No, I’m not, I was just a sad, unemployed twat with too much time on my hands and was avoiding job hunting. But good god, all DAY on Jan 1, I was replying to asks, gaining followers like crazy, and pretty much just stating my opinion on anything that someone wanted to know. 

I became known as the unofficial TAB blog, and the one to come to with questions about my interpretation of the episode. I was SO obsessed with TAB, studied every nuance and narrative structure I could. 2016 was “my heyday”, and it was fun. I found my niche, and meta-writing is what I became known for. And until I got a job in April of that year, I was a pretty solid presence in the fandom, if I understand some of what I’ve been told correctly. I still ran my blog as full-time as I could having a full-time job, and still do in some ways, but yeah, 2016 is when I produced a LOT of meta, mostly Mary meta because, as I said above, I was and am obsessed with her character arc. I was learning about myself a lot more by writing meta, and my “original” meta turned into “asks” meta, which was fine by me, because I do like a good prompt to get me going.

Somewhere in there I also somehow became the blog new bloggers came to, which I didn’t and don’t mind at all, because being new in a fandom is scary and I wanted to be a friendly face because I like meeting new people. 

Then we got an announcement for S4, and like TAB I also kept track of anything and everything S4-related, so once again I was sort of the “go-to” place for everything S4 because I compiled all the stuff from setlock bloggers and listed them all for easy-access. I kept track of everything promotional, and I reblogged some of my favourite pre-S4 meta here.

Essentially, I LOVE organizing things, and people liked that I LOVED doing it, so that’s sort of how I kept my following when I wasn’t posting as much new meta. I did make a few original meta before S4, and I made a 68 day video countdown to the series which is cringy AF and I’m not linking it (lol you can find it if you look hard enough). 

We all know what happened in S4. I took a bit of heat after S4 aired, because I got people’s hopes up. I was discouraged for a bit, but then I started receiving asks that weren’t really asks, but “I need advice” and “I need support”. 

And I started answering life questions, and realized people LIKED my responses, liked my little personal anecdotes in each of my replies, and felt comforted by it. So, after S4 aired, I became an eclectic mix of life advice, meta, fics, music and TJLC / tinhatting blog. I have a “no judgement” approach to my blogging, and I think that’s why I’m still gaining a steady dozen or so followers every couple weeks, rather than losing. The only time I took a big hit was the Tumblr Feedpocalypse, where they fucked up the algorithm and I’m not getting nearly as many hits on my posts as I used to, but that could also be because we lost so many people to S4, especially after Jan 1, 2018 when people were hoping for another episode.

I personally don’t think I’m popular, but I suppose I am by Tumblr standards. I dunno, I think we all have that “starry eyed” view of popular bloggers, and I just can’t picture myself as someone anyone would fawn over. I’m just me, and you can take it or leave it.

I think where I’m at now and what I’m known for is a good place to be, to be honest, despite how S4 turned out. I’m not certain, but I FEEL like I have a positive reputation here, but don’t quote me. I know I have people in this fandom who hate me, and quite frankly it saddens me that they feel they need to expel energy on me that way when they deserve to just be happy and forget about me. 

ANYWAY, sorry that got long and rambly, but it’s something I’ve wanted to talk about for awhile, but I was waiting for the prompt to come because *shrugs* I dunno, self esteem thing, makes me think no one REALLY cares until someone actually asks, hah.

And if you made it all the way to the end here, Love ya Nonny, and thank you for asking and thank you for being a follower of my blog

[littlepanduh-writes-365]

Opinion of RPF

tw// mentions of depression and anxiety

howdy doo everyone~

I’ve been writing and rewriting this letter for the past few days. There are many thoughts that I wanted to include, but I’m constantly worried about the longevity and potential curtness of some topics. I’m also worried that my opinions are going to backlash on me, but I came to the conclusion that in order for me to be a better person and a better writer, I need to accept criticism. I just ask that if you do send me criticism or questions, please be patient and understanding with the response time. I try to handle things sensitively which means I put a lot of thought into my answer and writing. I also admit that I get rattled easily and I want to give you answers when my head is clearer. 

This has been something that’s been on my mind for many years actually. It’s caused me to stop reading and writing many times. At this point, it’s becoming a vicious cycle and I don’t know whether I want to continue it anymore or just give it up and find something else to do. If you’re reading this, I hope you can at least gain insight and understanding because some other authors may have felt this way and if you have the time, I’d appreciate some feedback. I know this document is long, so I’m really thankful if you can bear through it. 

I have been reading and writing fanfiction for about 11 years. I have been writing for k-pop on and off for 7 years now. Although writing has been a great hobby and outlet and the k-pop writing community has proven to be a safe space for me, I still tend to have internal conflicts about the ethics of Real Person Fanfiction (RPF). I have a very long explanation of my philosophy of writing, which I encourage you to read if you read many of my fics, but to break it down, I acknowledge that there’s a lot of responsibility when writing for the k-pop fandom. 

I know these are real-life people and it’s possible that readers might get the wrong idea when reading my fics. I want you to know that when I write my fics, I’m not exactly thinking of that specific person. This sounds kinda horrible because it’s blunt, but when it all boils down, I’m basically just using them as a face claim. It’s easier for me, especially since I write a lot of shorter fics and drabbles, because I don’t have to spend a whole page describing a character, like how authors of books normally do. A lot of what I write comes from personal experiences so I usually think of a plot and then decide which person fits my character. I admit that I do choose characters based off of the idols’ personalities/personas, but I’m not going to hold it against them in real life. I sometimes adjust my character to the “real” personality of the idol, but not so much. I’m pretty sure a lot of k-pop fanfic writers feel this way (and I can imagine readers feel that way too), which is why I encourage you to read the extension of this memo which digs into specific topics, like writing idolverse/”canon” and smut. 

If you are a writer, I hope you have a similar philosophy that respects the people we write about and also reflects on a potential cultural impact you can make. If you are a reader, I hope you take an author’s intentions into account when you are reading. It’s not just writing out a fantasy, but there are thoughts and emotions writers want to express or a lesson to teach. Sometimes people do write just for fun and it’s normally okay, but it varies case by case on whether the intention is appropriate.

Sometimes it is hard to see those intentions, especially when it’s not explicitly written out like this or authors chose to be vague about endings or “what happened last summer” or something like that. Depending on the situation, the uncertainty is a key factor in their style or storytelling, but if you’re uncomfortable about it, you have the right to voice it out. This is why it’s so important to communicate with authors by the means of commenting. Jumping to conclusions is very disrespectful to a writer and that’s not fair for fanfic writers who are doing this for free. Conversations like, “where do you get this idea from?” or “did you mean this when you said that?” clarify the intentions of the author. (If you have a strong opinion or interpretation, you may want to preface in your comment that because you might just come off as rude and taking control over the story.) Many authors might say, “it’s up for any interpretation”, but will give their own insight. In my opinion, if authors don’t give you the time of day or completely shut down your opinions, I understand if you start forming your own opinions. (I don’t believe social media slander is the way to go but maybe appropriate if they ignore the problem.) Depending on the writer, they are busy, so please be considerate of their own personal schedules. Don’t demand a quick response time or a public apology. Reading and writing are supposed to be cathartic and empathy-inducing and distracting and fun. Your opinions are valid. (I have to add on that if you chose to ignore things like trigger warnings and tags, that is on you.)    

You may be wondering, why am I writing this letter? I seem to know my limits. I try not to be a problematic person. It doesn’t seem like my writing is problematic either. I’d like to believe these things, but I recognize that these are all subjective. I am not necessarily going to be completely transparent with you because that’s a whole lot of layers and I don’t want to just force all of that on you, but I will be open with you about things that I’ve already put out. 

I’m predicting that the people who are reading this memo have only been reading my recent works/works I’ve posted on AO3. If you don’t know this, I am also on AFF and tumblr. Although a lot of my stuff (especially the one-shots on tumblr) is pretty lighthearted and surficial, I have written about deeper and darker topics: character death and mourning, cheating, panic attacks, and a pole dancer. I have also included themes of drinking, swearing, and implied sex. These range from passive mentions to having the whole story revolve around that topic. I recognize that these can be uncomfortable themes, which is why I try to relay my intentions and sensitivity through Extended Author’s Notes, content warnings per chapter and tags, taking forever to edit, and writing long responses to comments. I choose to write about these topics because I personally get tired of seeing similar fics and, again, I just need an outlet.

Allow me to address a… hyena in the room (yeah, not an elephant). I don’t usually flash this card, nor do I feel 100% comfortable talking about this, but I’m just going to come clean and say that I suffer from depression and anxiety. No, you don’t need to feel sympathetic or look at my writing differently. Please don’t do that. That’s not why I’m telling you this. I mostly want to say that, yes, I have these mental illnesses, but I also acknowledge that it doesn’t excuse any toxic behavior. I have written when my anxiety-induced insomnia gets to me or when I’m having a particularly low week. I try to edit when I’m more stable, but again, that’s pretty subjective. I try so hard to cope properly and I do use other methods besides writing. I talk to my friends to make sure I don’t isolate too much. I’ve ventured into music and dance. Admittedly, things have been harder with this pandemic. I’m not a perfect person and I admit that I slip up every once in a while. You might see it in my writing. Sometimes, I’m rereading a paragraph for the 12th time and I’ll be completely jaded over the intensity of the emotions I wrote 3 months ago because it comes to the point that I’m just looking at words. The words that I wrote at 2AM after a self-loathing day seem completely different two weeks later after a deep talk with my best friend. One day, it’ll hurt me, and the next, it’ll mean nothing. I’m not sure how it’ll affect you. I acknowledge that my readers come from different walks of life and different experiences. I want to respect that. If something bothers you, please do not hesitate to communicate with me. 

I know I don’t act like it all the time, especially on Twitter, but I am an adult and I’m trying to handle at least my mental health like an adult. I write about mature topics and as a writer, I recognize that I need to handle the reception maturely as well.

The “best woman of this generation” once said this about her group. “Even if there are good times, there could also be times when you feel disappointed or feel regret or get angry or annoyed… Just do things that you like. Resolve your mood, then come back to Red Velvet… It’s not “always like Red Velvet”. I’d like for your guys to find many, many diverse things to enjoy… I do really want you all to be happy.” I am in no way in the same league as Red Velvet or Ms. Bae Joohyun, but I’d like to keep that humble mentality. You don’t have to support every fic I write. You don’t have to support my entire story. You don’t have to approve of every topic I write about or the messages I relay. (I would like to hear your thoughts, but you are not obligated to do so.) The beauty of these sites is that you can come and go whenever you would like. I get it. Life happens. Things change. Opinions change. You’re valid. If ever you want to come back to my story or maybe finish one that you never continued, you are always welcome to do so.   

I, myself, have stopped reading fics, even if they were good. I’m not just talking about ongoing fics that lost its flare. I’m also talking about completed fics or fics that have over 500 Kudos or were Featured on AFF. Sometimes the topics are too deep. Sometimes, I just need to emotionally prepare myself for an update. Sometimes I lose interest. I’m sure the author might feel a little hurt, but that’s just how life is. I don’t spend a lot of my time reading and writing fics. In the end, I’m going to finish the fics that kept me interested.

Alright, if you’ve made it this far, congratulations. Serious conversation is over (for now). Thank you for your tolerance, patience, and understanding. If you are someone that reads my stories, thank you for your support. If you are someone who enjoys my stories, thank you for your love. With the time that I have, I’m working hard to be a better writer, but most importantly, I’m working harder to be a better person. The k-pop community has been a safe place for me and I want to continue letting it be that way. 

Stay safe and healthy everyone <3 Until next update

Click here to read my in-depth opinions about writing. (Skip to page 4.)