#i will post it tomorrow bc i *really* should go to bed now

[kyuohki]

omg

I found the original first chapter of Discarded Hope.

[fridayyy-13th]

wow. not even a week into college and i'm already behind on work. fucking lovely.

[moe-broey]

Anyways I'm back from The Labyrinth and Philadelphia (may or may not qualify as a labyrinth itself)

[noodlemoondle]

Sleep Aid ♡

Zayne x Reader ~ fluff ε٩(๑> ₃ <)۶з

word count: 1.2k

description: after a boring day at work you find yourself unable to sleep at night when you suddenly receive a message from zayne questioning why you’re still awake and offering to come over. after denying and trying to keep him at his home you are now getting out of bed late at night to let your graciously kind (and insanely stubborn) boyfriend into you’re home to help you sleep.

author’s note: hihi everyone!!! this is the first fanfic i’m ever actually posting! kinda confused a bit on how tumblr works so im sorry if the formatting is off but i think it’s all good other than that. i’m using this to test the waters on making a fic acc bc i’ve been waning to get on the writer’s side of it and not just the reader’s lolol. lmk ur thoughts and opinions id love to hear! hope u enjoy!!! ヾ(^▽^ヾ)

(p.s. this has been sitting in my notes app for a while so i’m so sorry for any grammar errors! i also apologize for the shitty title i’m not good at coming up with those T_T )

it was around 1 in the morning and you couldn’t sleep. you weren’t really sure why either you just couldn’t do it. not like you didn’t try, sleep just didn’t want to take you. you didn’t necessarily mind though, you weren’t scheduled to come in the next day. so instead of just fighting to fall asleep, you just decided to mindlessly scroll on your phone until you felt tired enough to actually go to bed.

hugging a pillow and facing the wall, you’ve been scrolling for god knows how long. until suddenly you received a message.

zayne: why are you still awake?

taken aback by the sudden text, your eyes slightly widen. you stare at the notification for a moment in disbelief until you receive another

zayne: don’t ignore me and act like you’re asleep. i can see that you’re active on moment posts.

well there goes your brilliant plan on ignoring him until the sun rises pretending to be asleep all along.

you: stalker

you: also i just so happened to not be able to fall asleep what’s your excuse hm?

zayne: i just got back from the hospital half an hour ago and got ready to go to bed and noticed someone up past her bedtime.

you: bedtime? i’m not 5 ����

you: plus i don’t have work tomorrow so i can go to bed whenever

zayne: not necessarily. what time you go to bed also plays a factor in your rest not just how long it is.

you: blah blah blah. i’ll be fine. i have been trying to though!!! i just can’t fall asleep for whatever reason :P

zayne: would you like me to come over?

you: no!!!!!

you: i mean i appreciate the offer but i promise im ok! i’ll get tired eventually and fall asleep it’s just not right now. and you should go to bed you had a long shift and need to rest.

zayne: i’m not going to make a comment on your poor sleeping habits, but i dont mind heading over. sleeping with you helps me rest better anyways.

you: 😉

zayne: not like that.

you: 🙄

you: whatever. don’t come over i swear i’ll be fine and i’ll go to bed eventually! 😁

zayne: …

zayne: i’ll be there in 15.

you: ZAYNE!!! 🤬

just as he said 15 minutes later you hear a knock on your door. annoyed, you grumble and stomp over to the door to let him in.

you open the door making sure not to hide the sour look on your face, emphasizing the displeasure of him coming all this way. the moment you open the door a smile tugs on his lips, despite the upset look on your face. he chuckles and leans down to kiss the top of your head.

“hello, dear” he says against your hair. before he walks into your apartment.

“why are you here?” you quickly say with your bottom lip sticking out in a pout with your arms crossed over your chest.

“i thought i made it aware. you can’t sleep.” he states as he brushes a few strands of hair out of your face and behind your ear.

“but i already told you im fine!!! go back home. it is all good here.” you say like a child , attempting to swat away his hand and starting to try and push him out the door.

“what if i said that i couldn’t sleep?” zayne says as he slightly cocks his head to the side at you with a soft smirk.

you pause in your tracks, trying to think of something to respond, knowing exactly what he’s doing. the gears try to slowly turn in your head until you look up at him, and you see him looking back down at you with a knowing grin showing he already got what he wanted.

“…fine.” you mumble begrudgingly as you drag yourself back to your room.

zayne lets out a small breath of laughter as he takes off his coat and begins to follow you to bed.

you sit down and lean against your headboard. picking up your phone and continuing to scroll as zayne joins you in bed. there’s a few moments of silence where you don’t even notice him looking at you. it wasn’t until he suddenly reaches over and snatches your phone right from your hands that you’re reminded of his presence and how he invaded your peaceful home.

“HEY!!! give it back!!!” you say as you jump to him trying to retrieve your phone from his grasp, something you knew was pointless.

“it’s almost 2:00 am you need to go to sleep.” he says with a softer voice as he plugs your phone in on the nightstand closer to him.

“do i have to say it again?” you practically growl as you loom over on top of him.

“well, now i’m here.” his voice deepening, as his hands begin to caress the sides of your torso. a combination he knows gets you to do whatever he wants.

you finally give up. falling on top of him onto his chest where he’s quick to wrap his arms around you and help you get settled.

“it’s not working im still not tired.” you say annoyed trying to wriggle out of his grasp. another fruitless effort, but hey you’ll still try.

one of zaynes hand creeps its way to your hair and begins brushing it out, as he uses his other hand to wrap the duvet around you both tucking, mainly you, in.

“talk to me until you do.” he says, still playing with your hair.

“about what?” you look up to him, with a much calmer demeanor that you don’t notice, but he smiles at.

“your day. what did you do today?” he asks, beginning to scratch up and down your back.

you release a small yawn before you begin to speak. which he uses as a sign to move the hand playing with your hair to cup your cheek, softly rubbing his thumb along the apple of it. making sure to keep his lips pressed against your head.

“well i didn’t do much today. i had a mission i was supposed to go on, but then they sent another group instead. so i just sat on my desk doing some some work i’ve been putting off until i got bored and decided to go shopping. and then once i got off work i went to the convenience store to get some snacks. and i also hope you know you can’t do this every time i can’t sleep. i very often struggle to do so.” you ramble, your voice losing energy the more you talk and closing your eyes by the time you get to the end of it.

zayne cranes his head down to press his lips against your forehead, still cupping your cheek and rubbing it tenderly. he begins to speak against your forehead in a quiet gentle voice.

“i’m aware, but every time that i am able to, i’ll gladly come over and comfort you to sleep. it’s no issue at all. i assure you.”

by the time he finished speaking, zaynes voice lulled you to bed. of course he knew exactly what to do to make you instantly fall asleep. he nuzzles your face once more before turning off the bedside lamp. he curls himself around your sleeping form nuzzling his face into your hair before drifting off to bed himself.

“goodnight, my love.”

[delphi-shield]

classified intel // jill valentine

Jill x GN!Reader Fluff wc: 1,543 read on ao3 suggestive themes bc reader sends jill a tasteful nude, reader implied to be civilian, post-di!Jill.

this almost turned into angst, but i excised the sad parts and it turned into another wip. tbh i should be prepping for my tabletop tomorrow but i miss my wife.

Jill's on a work trip, but that's never stopped you from texting her before and it sure as hell's not going to stop you now.

also known as:

i am ruminating on a relationship with jill once more. 😔

Technically speaking, your relationship isn’t long distance.

Just because Jill spent a large portion of her time overseas, god-knows-where, doing god-knows-what, did not mean that you were long distance. Yeah, maybe you do have to schedule calls, fighting timezones and your responsibilities to carve out a measly half hour with each other. That doesn’t qualify, technically, as long distance. You tell this to your friends over and over again. Still, they roll their eyes, hum their doubt, and insist that you may as well be long distance.

Their point remains. You and Jill are apart far more than either of you would like. She’s a busy woman by her own design. Her drive had been something that you had admired about her, even if it was the very same thing that kept her from you. You hadn’t entered this relationship blind to the fact that she would be gone sometimes. You had learned to be okay with it, learned to handle the distance that was often double-edged. 

Texting was usually infrequent when she was away. Her personal cell phone was usually left behind when she went out for assignments - and if she did have it, it was turned off and shoved to the bottom of her pack. You texted her throughout the day, leaving behind a collection of your thoughts for her to come back to. She had taken to responding in one text, a bullet-point list to catch up on everything that she had missed.

 Once, you had gotten anxious about bothering her, about the egregious amount of notifications she would be flooded with when she finally turned her phone back on. You had sent her just one text, telling her to be safe, that you loved her. She had called you the moment she had service, demanding to know what was wrong. Thought something happened to you, I don’t know, she had grumbled, dismissing her paranoia easily over the phone. You had let it go unchallenged, quietly returning to your text spam. The next time she had a chance to talk to you, she had saved her bullet-points for a phone call.

The last time you had heard from her, her plane had landed safely. Her day was going to be packed with intelligence meetings - not really the kind of thing she could be on her phone during. You’ve just gotten home from work when your phone chimes. You take your time checking it, not expecting your girlfriend to be able to chat. She was at least three hours behind you, still in the middle of her work day.

It's a pleasant surprise to see a text from her. Instead of her usual bullet-point reply, she had sent an unflattering picture of a pitbull. Jill’s arm came in from the side of the frame, her hand blurred in the motion of a head pat. The text accompanying it simply read:

5:12 PM: PB&J.

Before you could even ask what that was supposed to mean, Jill sent a second text.

5:29 PM: His name is PB&J.

You grin at your phone, sending her an array of emojis to show how cute that is. You flop back onto your bed, your phone held over your face.

5:31 PM: can you call? just got home lol

5:35 PM: Sorry. Waiting for my next meeting to start.

Shit. You push down your disappointment and look for the silver-lining. At least you could text her for a little bit before she got wrapped up in work again. The dishes in the sink were forgotten in favor of the back and forth between you and Jill. It was hardly the most thrilling conversation. You exchanged the daily monotonies with each other - what sort of coffee she had that morning, how terrible traffic had been for you on your way home, your coat forgotten over the back of your chair at work and Jill’s pen borrowed from an embassy, blue ink, ballpoint and scratchy. It’s easier to superimpose the memory of her alongside you when you have the little details to work with, when you can fill in the gaps in your imagination with the particulars.

Naturally, this devolved into teasing.

5:47 PM: what are you wearing?

5:47 PM: That’s classified.

5:48 PM: tank top and jeans again, huh was kind of hoping for a pantsuit 👀 i know u packed that navy one send pics

You scrolled through your photos, searching for a set of pictures you had taken a few nights ago. If you were going to ask for pics, it was only fair that you send one in return. You had taken them early in the week, consumed by a swell of confidence that had been flushed away the moment you had to scroll through them. You had scrutinized every angle, pinpointed every flaw, every way the light played off of your skin. Your motivation to send them had dwindled quickly. They were filed away into a password protected album, a break in case of emergency stash of photos that may never see the light of day.

Rip the band-aid off, you tell yourself. Send it before you can second guess yourself. You pick your favorite photo, your thumb hesitating over the send button for a fraction of a second before you decide fuck it. She’ll like it. Hopefully.

You drop your phone facedown onto your chest so you don’t stare anxiously at the conversation. It takes all of ten seconds for it to chime again.

5:55 PM: You know the BSAA monitors my texts, right?

Your heart lurches. No way. No fucking way. She’s got to be bluffing. The idea of Jill’s colleague scrolling through your messages with her was mortifying. It wasn’t like this was the first time you had sent her pictures like that. Even if you hadn’t sent those, there were still plenty of texts that you didn’t need anyone else seeing.

She’s bluffing. Has to be.

5:57 PM: bullshit lol 5:57 PM: very funny 6:13 PM: youre not serious right 6:14 PM: ?? 6:14 PM: jill pls 6:24 PM: omg ur not joking are you

Logically, you knew that Jill’s meeting had started. That was why she wasn’t responding. You knew there was no way the BSAA monitored her personal communication 24/7, and you knew that if they did she would have told you about it the first time you had sent her a picture like that, not the hundredth. However, you also knew that she loved keeping you in suspense. No matter what she said to the contrary, you knew that Jill loved to watch you squirm. She found it cute, or so she had confided in you one night, half-asleep and tangled in your sheets.

It took a full hour later for Jill to get back to you. During the course of that hour, you damn near paced a track around your bedroom and filled your google search history with plenty of things to ruin your targeted advertising. Choice examples include ‘employee handbook bsaa north america’ and ‘bsaa employee phone policy’. 

Your phone doesn’t even finish the first ring. You see Jill’s name flash on screen, and you’ve already got your phone up to your ear.

“Please tell me you’re joking,” you blurt out, your thumb wedged between your teeth.

Jill blurts out a confused what, her voice wobbling with a laugh. It clicks for her a moment later.

“Oh - the ‘monitoring my texts’ thing?” She says, voice lighting with amusement. “Yeah, no. They don’t do that. You look good, though. Did I buy that?”

You let out a relieved groan. “You are such an asshole,” you huff. “I was worried the entire United Nations had just seen my ass.”

“Oh, c’mon. I would have told you not to send stuff like that if they were pulling my texts.” You can’t argue with that. She may have liked to see you squirm, but she was well aware of your boundaries.

“Got any other angles? I remember that outfit having more straps.”

You snort. “Maybe. Gonna need some reciprocation first, though.”

You hear Jill hum over the phone. A door opens in the background, a deep voice drifting over the phone, indecipherable. Jill pauses, listening.

“I’ll see what I can do. Gotta go.”

You hurry to say goodbye, squeezing a quick love you in before the call cut off.

The quiet creeps back into your apartment. You’re left staring at Jill’s contact photo. You tap it to view it in full. Jill’s arm wrapped around your shoulders, your head thrown back in a laugh. You were cuddled up on the porch swing of a bed & breakfast, an impromptu weekend trip Jill had taken you on a month ago. You had cropped the photo, centering it on Jill - on the way she looked at you and smiled, her eyes soft in a way that you had never seen before.

Your phone buzzed, and you nearly swiped the notification away out of habit. You caught yourself just in time, catching Jill’s name.

8:53 PM: 1 attachment

Your eyes scoured the picture, grin crinkling the corners of your eyes. Goddamn - you knew she had packed that pantsuit. You’re typing a reply when she sends another text.

8:54 PM: Do not say awooga.

You delete your draft and think of a different way to express your appreciation.

[daz4i]

ok now i'm at home in bed and can make a proper post with all my thoughts. gushing abt personal stuff and possibly getting into sensitive territory here and there under the cut

today was really nice 🥹

i love our group i'm so glad i got to meet them i'm so glad they are a part of my life

everything went well. i'm honestly. extremely proud of myself for making it through this entire process, and not giving up like i at times wanted to. the last few weeks where my role was tweaked a little were super fun and today was the highlight, like seeing and hearing the audience clap even when i did just the littlest things was so. satisfying

after the show lots of people, including complete strangers, came up to me and told me i was great and that i was both funny and touching and they loved my part, i got so many hugs ahdjkflg 😭😭😭 beyond the clapping and laughter i got during the show which were already nice 🥹

the show itself was received better than i expected, and i started liking it more in recent weeks too hehe. we leaned into the campiness of it even more and it made it so much more fun to experience

it reminded me how much i love theater and how much i love being on a stage and not to sound spiritual or w/e but i truly was meant for this like this is what i'm supposed to be doing. i hope i can some day do it for money lol enough to make a living at least :P

. my whole body hurts (fr this show was so much exercise for my lazy ass 😩) but it's a good kind of hurt? bc it comes with satisfaction. hope i don't regret saying this tomorrow :P

in addition to playing in the show i was also somewhat of an assistant director lol. both our director and someone from the management team who was involved in the process mentioned it to my mom separately, like our director praised me for this and said my insight was always helpful and that i had great ideas omg 😭 this entire time i was worried that i'm like. taking over too much or smth bc i always had shit to say abt everything fr :P but ig it was received well 🙏 here and there i gave comments to other actors too to remind them stuff or correcr certain movements or lines and i was always worried it annoyed them but. they never got mad at any point. so maybe i can accept that i'm allowed to take space and offer my insight and not only will nothing bad happen, but good things will happen even hehe.

so this is where i get into the sensitive stuff i mentioned. bc if you follow me then you probably know my mental state is Not Great to say the least. and while i did have a lot of anxiety today (even got 2 pieces of somewhat bad news during the day which ofc were both huge bummers) i didn't think abt wanting to die even once. at some point my mean brain tried to bring it up and i managed to shut it down immediately which practically never happens (even when i'm having fun with friends it usually takes a bit more time for me to shake the thought away). which is kind of amazing and also another confirmation that i should be doing this more probably. i think

and. i mentioned being proud of myself. that's also smth that never happens but my aforementioned mean brain can't argue this time bc i absolutely objectively DO have the right to be proud of myself for everything i've done

less than one year ago i barely went out, maybe twice a week at most. the only people i met regularly were my parents (bc. i live with them lol) and my close friends. now i go out 4 times a week at the minimum and i interact not only with my fellow actors but other people in the art program as well, i use public transport which i basically never did since i was like. in high school. and talk to strangers even though I'm still terrified

i didn't just go on a stage but allowed myself to be filmed and managed to look at pictures of myself from the dress rehearsal despite having Issues™️ with this sort of thing. being seen wasn't bad. it was good even. i didn't feel as self conscious about the whole thing as i usually do basically

it's kind of amazing to see how much i've changed tbh. achieved. i didn't think smth like this could happen, let alone so quickly (and during. a literal war. that obviously didn't help anyone's mental state)

like. i mentioned being proud of myself. and this is a part of it, doing things that are so huge for someone like me and compared to who i usually am. but i think even compared to a normal person, i did a pretty damn good job that most people don't normally do, and i absolutely earned the right to feel good for the work i put in

^even thinking this is like chewing glass for me so this is ALSO an achievement actually. me feeling good about myself i mean. feeling pride. acknowledging my own success. makes me look back at other things i do/did that others are proud of me for and go "huh. i guess they're right" even tho i denied it before

idk. maybe i'll get a major adrenaline crash and forget these feelings tomorrow. maybe they'll last for a few days. maybe they'd even make a long term mark! who knows! i guess we can only hope (realistically speaking, the way i know myself, it won't stick :P but who knows. maybe just like i am currently building myself and my life little by little, i'll keep accumulating successes like this little by little too, solidify my self esteem a bit more at a time lol

idk how to finish this post. uh. if you read this i'm kissing you on the mouth. i'd say i hope i don't sound too conceited but nah i earned the right to be so anyway 🧐 no one gets to tell me otherwise

[bookish-phile]

fourth wing in a nutshell (i think?)

“Stop letting fear leach into your voice,” Luca snaps from behind Rhiannon. “If the dragons think you’re a coward, you’ll be nothing but a name tomorrow.” “She says,” Ridoc narrates, “inducing more fear.”

“It’s been rather surprising to watch, actually.” “Happy to be your entertainment. I’m going to bed.”

“Hell yes!” Ridoc yells, hooting from the top. “That’s our girl!”

“Get on your back?” I repeat like a fucking parrot.

“You’re making us look bad. Stop it.”

“You will not fall. I will not allow it.” “You will trust me.”

“But…” I shake my head. “Dragons value strength and cunning and…ferocity in their riders.” None of which defines me. “Please, do tell me more about what I should value.”

“For the record, please tell me the name of the dragon who chose you.” I lift my chin. “Tairneanach.” “Pronunciation could use some work.” Tairn’s voice rumbles through my head.

I belong to Tairn and Andarna…and, in some really fucked-up way…Xaden.

Tell him to ease up on you.” “Tell him to mind his own business.”

“Tairn says if you harm me, he’ll burn you,” I say as dragons to the left and right launch skyward without their riders, headed back to the Vale. But not Tairn. Nope, he’s still standing behind me like an overprotective dad.

and it’s not like Liam here is sleeping in my bedroom.” “I mean, I’m not opposed—”

“Oh, are we telling dick jokes now?” Ridoc asks from Liam’s side. “Because my entire life has led up to this very moment.”

"..but Sgaeyl does whatever she wants, whenever she wants.."

“Are we on offense or defense?” I ask Xaden. “Little busy right now.” “Oh no, am I distracting you?” A smile curves my mouth. Shit, am I flirting? Maybe. Do I care? Oddly enough…no. “Yes.”

“What did she say?” Xaden asks, gripping my shoulders to steady me. Tairn growls and a puff of steam blasts us both. “I’d take your hands off the rider,” Sgaeyl warns.

“Fuck, that stubborn, feisty look always makes me want to kiss you.”

but it’s not his position that steals my breath. It’s the saddle strapped across his back that has me gawking. “I hear it’s all the fashion,” Tairn brags.

“Third-years are taught to build wards, and at this point in the year, they’re leaving anyway.” I shrug. “May as well send them early so they can be of use.” “Point fucking made.”

Dress uniforms only.” She lifts her brows at Ridoc. He shrugs. “What else would I be wearing?” “One never knows what you’ll come up with,” Devera says, dismissing us.

“So she’s grown quite close to him out of necessity.” Out of lust and need and the ache in my chest I’m terrified to define, but sure, necessity works.

“Then what made you even think that? Have to admit, it pissed me off. I’ve given you exactly zero reasons to think I’m in anyone else’s bed.”

anyway i almost forgot to post this and i also think no one actually read till the end bc i never read long posts so im gonna assume no one else does either

also these are just some stuff i found funny

[yakultii]

today was a little rough I must say :,) I didn’t manage to sleep enough, eat enough, drink enough or go on my usual walk as of late and my body knows it :( with whatever the heck is wrong w my body atm it means that all the little habits that I miss which for years had no effect now stop me in my tracks (through pain and lack of breathing) genuinely fearing a little for my life? (though I seem to keep on living every time so far so I think if I just get back on track it’ll be okay!) I also didn’t manage to cook burrito which been meaning to for days but still there are positive things in every day of course - I did get a smaller walk in tonight in the dark which was nice to get some fresh air and on my walk I bought the gift card for my neighbour as you’ll see why in a few prev post and then I spent a few hrs making shitty art which you’ll also see in said post but it was nice to just listen to music and chill (but my mind got really hyper focused and by the time I was done and finally breathed and came back to earth I felt like I was physically about to die) got me off my phone for a decent amount of time! I should do that more often… anyways I just sat (bc I literally couldn’t stand) in the bottom of my boiling hot shower (always grateful for that) and now I’m about to have a wholesome dinner oh and also today I made a big tub of homemade guac 🥑 for when I do make burrito and also took all the rubbish out and washed the dishes, so I did end up doing more than expected since I felt unwell from going to bed at like 5am :,) my goals for tomorrow are 1. But better sleep 2. Drink water(literally any amount is improvement of today 3. Make goddamn burrito. Hope y’all are having a nice day <3 oh and also today I made a nice smoothie and also I’m gonna make hot chocolate tonight w marshmallows I just decided yay

[lascapigliata]

.

wasted all my time in therapy talking about how bad i am at therapy then did my stupid yoga class and cried at the end bc like an idiot i was like trying to Connect To My Body, awful idea, remembered to take my stupid New meds because i fucked myself up by being so noncompliant, then managed to get a little work done, and just as i was thinking maybe i'll actually go to sleep early or something i saw another FUCKING BUG one of those house centipedes that i KNOW are pretty isolated i KNOW only feed on other bugs i KNOW won't hurt me and it doesn't matter at all bc i kill everything and so now it's dead but it was on the door to my laundry machine and then crawled to thE OTHER SIDE OF THE DOOR so i opened it and killed it but like idk why it never occurred to me that things could cross that door!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have to do laundry tomorrow, how am i going to go in there????

i have always said that when i'm not otherwise depressed the phobia is the worst thing for my SI and here we go again. i don't see a way out of this. if one (1) incident with ants can send me into such a spiral that i'm literally acting like i did back in boston at my worst and forcing myself to stay awake and being too afraid to go in my room because i think there must be bugs there because i haven't been there in a few days like what was the point of any of this and what IS the point of any of this. NOT ONLY do i feel like there's no escape here but i also wasted a year and a half and tons of money and time and everything just to sink back into one of the more humiliating times of my life. i don't want to say i want to die but like i do i can't keep doing This and i don't want to do yet more exposure therapy i did SOmu ch and i worked SO hard even if it was all, apparently, a total waste

and i just have no idea how i'm going to sleep tonight, anywhere. here or in my bed. like i just want to procrastinate sleeping, which has been part of the problem this whole time, bc i'm scared of nightmares et al and if i just force myself to stay awake then i'll pass out at 5 and be really tired and hopefully jsut not dream, which is a decent method except it probably is exacerbating the anxiety and this is what i mean it's just a cycle

and this is something that i should be putting in my jounral anyway bc i keep saying to post this super personal stuff here less so i don't add the layer of needing validation to these breakdowns but something about the idea of writing this down feels even more humiliating somehow probably bc i WON'T get any validation except like, i know if i press post and like two (wonderful, i appreciate you) people like it it won't feel satisfying either bc the ONLy thing that will just feels like having this NOT HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE and i don't know how to do that because I THOUGHT I ALREADY DID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[dballzposting]

okay this is gonna sound maybe kinda wild but i need you to bear with me here. on account of i just had this thought but i have hit post limit and you're the only person i can trust with this

videl is a whiskey drinker. you know this, i know this, everyone knows this. it doesn't affect her. she's been sneaking a little bit ever since she was big enough to reach the bottle, bc Dad said it was a Real Man's Drink and she had something to prove.

Videl does not drink to excess, but even drunk videl is not that much different from normal videl. maybe a little floppier. maybe a little less testy. whatever.

but gohan?

gohan starts with wine. it's a low alcohol content. it's refined, it's classy, it fits the image of the future he wants. and, most importantly, he wouldn't feel embarrassed if his mom found out he had a glass of wine. She wouldn't be happy about him drinking alcohol, but she would Understand.

wrong fucking move.

he has one glass. He hates the way it makes him feel. The control he's fought so hard for slips away. he melts into Dionysus' bestial embrace.

all of a sudden his instincts kick in and he's fighting for control silently in his own mind. Stone-faced and wild-eyed, he sits alone in his dark bedroom. And when Videl opens the door, he makes unblinking eye contact. For several moments, her heart freezes and she understands that her husband is truly half-alien; something wretched from beyond the stars lurks in his chest.

he says, with no emotion expressed, 'we're alive, you and I.'

and her heart resumes

she walks up to the bed and sits on her knees next to gohan. she softly touches his face, and he gently, reverently, takes her forearm in his mouth like a dog.

she strokes his hair with her other hand, and he lets go. he looks up at her with sad, sad eyes. he speaks again

'I want to hunt a rabbit. not like a man, with guns and traps and ki, but like a quick and clever creature. the claws on my hands and the teeth in my mouth.'

and then, in the dim light of the hallway, videl looks at the nightstand and sees a cup and a bottle with just enough wine missing to deduce he has had one (1) glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

and after cooking up the steak she was saving for after she won the poker tournament tomorrow to sate gohan's bloodhunger, she puts him to bed and calls up Chi-Chi.

(I don't have an ending for this i just think that most aliens in dbz, saiyans especially, have a really low alcohol tolerance for reasons that would take forever to explain, and that gohan especially would be weird bc he has had so much training specifically to deal with his instincts and emotions, and that alcohol would interfere with the execution of that training but not the understanding of it)

thank you if you took the time to read this!

thank you if you took the time to read this!

Hey I think I need to answer this now like right now becos it was sent tonight and there is no way that this will be permissible tomorrow.

OK WElll let's see here let's break this down. Have no fear audience members we will get throuhg thsi

OK first of all

im sleepy let me think about this one.

You Have Hit Post Limit Yet Again.

Videl drinks whiskey the same way she smokes cigars ok got it. She's always been able to detect on some level the vacancy in her father where his spine should be so she's always known that titles like "Real Man" were empty aesthetics and that she herself captured the REAL ideals without having to boast it. But at some point she has to say something to give people something to listen to when their eyes fail them. She drinks that whiskey and she doesn't need to but she's damn good at it

Wine "fits the image of the future [Gohan] wants" ... It's a future that has the luxury to build itself on levels of social games like aesthetics and class and propriety ... it has the luxury of peace. Plus it's a fun fruity color. Lol.

THE IDEA THAT ONE (1) GLASS OF WINE JUST COMPLETELY FUCKING UNDOES HIM ?

He's had to fight for control and this control just puts its hat on and walks out the frontal cortex at the slightest flavor of alcohol. Like Ok I'm out. Bye

OK like actually everything about Gohan & Videl's relationship and interactions is completely the notion of Wearing Class on top of Beastliness. A dapper hat and bloody fangs. Vampires in the city. Complex mammalian social interactions being the most phylogenetically recent adaption to the nervous system and it necessarily has communications with the "lower" systems and making sense of the whole system is what makes us human. In my earlier post today I almost said something about Videl marrying the knives of intellect with the force of shadows but i coudnt figure out how to phrase it. I still can't. My point is that I think that this ask will cohere going forward but let's find out

He would sit there stone faced in the dark willing the moment to pass that is so Goahn ...

She literally would understand perfectly and she would give him her arm. He's an alien and something beyond the stars lurks unarticulated yet thriving in his being and she would see that and duely freeze as a human ought but she would feel like "FINALLY something that fucking MAKES SENSE" like she would get it

Because she KNOOOWS that she's gonna win the poker tournamnet. Gonna be honest. I think that it's gonna be Krillin's lucky night. Unless it's a woman-only tournament. Then I'm thinking that Bulma almost wins until A18 smoothly takes over at the last second. But Videl wins the other times. We just can't all be winners allof the time....

She's cooking the steak and he's pacing like a sad dog miserably musing that "it's not gonna be enough" and she has to be like "Look how red it is. Look how warm. Pretend it's fresh-killed." and Gohan remebers when he was a little boy when he was surviving in the wild, there was this dickhead dinosaur who always tried to get at him and Gohan would slice off a bit of its tail and eat it every time he won the fight. And the dinosaur kept trying. And Gohan almsot felt bad about it but now he's understasnding more than ever that winning or losing are just the outcomes of the NECESSARY NEED TO HUNT, it was righteous and essential that he and that dinosaur continuously engaged with each other and the dinosaur had no choice by nature. so he doesnt feel bad anymore in fact he feels thrilled at having partaken. And he feels big for winning. And he eats the steak and Videl offers that red wine goes good with red meat and he says NO PLEASE NO GOD. NO

OK like yes in the dragon ball that we see on screen it would track for Videl to call Chichi on the phone and garner a light commiseration re: Alien Husbands without actually disclosing any details at all, and even gather some productive insight or info. BUT The Chichi that I know is like "Laura" by Billy Joel and everything is about her feelings and so we honestly wanna keep her as far from the genuine lived experience of others as possible.

I'll believe you about the alcohol thign.

Also I'm gonna interject and say that Feeling your Feelings w/o judgement and w/o needing to take action about them is so imporatant and I wish that Gohan wouldnt fight himself down so much.

But I get it like he's more than an animal he's an alien and there's nothing more primal than being the improbable lovechild of a human and an alien and he will never know if what he is feeling is "acceptable" or "alien and fucked up" and he fears it all same

EVERYBIODY SLEEP TIGHT or WAKE UP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[galpalaven]

wip wednesday - part 3

....decided to go ahead and post a snip of the last one i have written bc. reasons. jfklds @thefloweranon

Laoise has never met anyone like Haron.

Though there were men in Edric, and indeed, men who visited Edric that may not have lived there, none of them were quite like him. She’d never once heard the fishermen or the shepherd or any of the pirates speak in that fancy way he has—somehow so formal and yet so open that she feels as if she can see his very soul every time he speaks to her. Neither had any of the men she knew spoken of history and society the way he does, full of knowledge while still bristling at the chance of learning something even more than he already knows.

None of the men she’d ever known had been hungry for more than what life had already given them.

She finds it fascinating, in a way, to speak with him. Watching him flit about her room, hands waving as he tells her about Gha’alian history before his grandfather, is a strange sensation. She is fascinated, of course, by the history of his people—she would be just as interested in her own people’s history, if she knew where to look for it—but it’s the enthusiasm that radiates from him that she’s really drinking in as he paces her bedroom floor.

“I—madralee, you should have stopped me a half hour ago! I must have been boring you to tears,” he says, aghast as he catches a glimpse of the clock sat on one of the dressers.

She chuckles, readjusting her skirt so that her legs are firmly tucked beneath it as she sits criss cross on her bed. “I like listening to you talk, Haron. It’s alright.”

He lights up at that, sitting next to her on the mattress with a bright, eager grin on his lips. “You flatter me. Still, I must insist that you take a turn. Tell me something!”

“About the Cuthintal?” she asks dryly. “I think Andi probably has better—”

“No, no, I meant about you, madralee. Tell me something about you.” 

She doesn’t… understand why he would want that, really. 

“What do you want to know?” she asks, feigning suspicion to cover for the anxiety rising in her chest. 

She likes listening to his stories, but she worries that she’ll say something any day now that will destroy whatever vision of her he’s built up in his head. Worries that she’ll do or say something and that will be it—he’ll be off to the next pretty thing that catches his eye, and she’ll be left picking up the shattered pieces of her heart. She doesn’t even know what that word he’s throwing around means, but she doesn’t want to lose the nickname either. Especially not with the party they’re meant to be attending tomorrow to impress his father (a backup plan of sorts for Duliae and Andromeda’s snooping, but you can never have too many of those when it comes to stopping your own execution, she supposes).

Haron, ever sweet and ever patient, just shrugs, tilting his head a little. 

“Anything,” he says simply. “Everything. Whatever you like, madralee. I want to know everything about you that you are willing to share with me.”

Laoise can feel her face getting hot. Fuck.

She looks away, laughing nervously as she curses her fair skin, surely turning as red as her hair right now. “You and that word, Haron. You’re so… what does it even mean?”

His smile softens. “Madralee?” he asks. When she nods, his smile turns almost bashful, and he too looks away from her face. “It means something like… shining light.”

“Ah.”

Laoise pauses, letting that sink in for a moment…

…and then she snorts with laughter.

The way Haron’s face crumbles is almost comical, and it just makes her laugh a little more, which only feeds his mortification.

“What? What is—what have I said? Does it mean something else in your language?” he asks, bending to try to catch her eye, even as she waves a hand at him, clutching at her mouth to try to stifle her giggles.

It’s not that funny, really. Just wild, but she’s apparently in need of some kind of tension release tonight. She shakes her head at him, giggling, “No, no, nothing like that. It’s just—well, my name has a similar meaning in my native tongue.”

He tilts his head. “...truly?”

She nods. “Lee is the name I go by because the long version feels stuffy, but my full name is Laoise, which means something like light in Kalixin.”

For a moment, he doesn’t seem to register what she’s said. He blinks at her, trying to decipher something maybe, pitch dark eyes darting from one of her eyes to the other. The urge to laugh bubbles up in her chest again as she watches him watch her—and then the most beautiful smile breaks across his face.

“Be still, my heart,” he murmurs, and his eyes look at her much like the pirates she’d known had looked at the sea. “What strange and wonderful machinations of the universe must have brought me to you?”

Something in Lee’s chest squeezes at that, and very suddenly her eyes prick with the telltale sting of tears. Her breath hitches, and she tries to hide how flustered she is as she looks away, clearing her throat in the hopes that it will keep her voice from breaking. Her laugh is weak as she says, “I think you’ll find that the machinations were of the Onyx Chandler and not the universe.”

Haron snorts. “The Onyx Chandler can shove it, though it seems that if he has done one thing that is good, it is bringing you to Gha’alia.”

“You say a lot of grandiose things, Haron,” she says haughtily, rubbing at her eyes to will the tears back in. “It’s a wonder that you are, in fact, unmarried.”

“Happily unmarried,” he murmurs, and the bed shifts as he lays back, propping himself up on an elbow. “Does—does madralee bother you? Would you rather I stop?”

She shakes her head, eyes wide when he manages to say the one thing that would most upset her. “No. No, I—please, don’t. No one has ever… I like it. I do.”

The look on his face is so gentle and so affectionate that it feels like trying to look at the sun.

[izzy-b-hands]

Ongoing PTSD breakdown trauma stuff below the cut, pls ignore, just need to spew it somewhere that like. I know my feelings will be safe to have and type up and whatever. Also, sorta? mild our flag spoilers under the cut bc my brain is a mess and I use characters I love to help metaphor out and explain my own shit so. yeah. that's also a thing here.

Motherfucking random traumatic memory abt Mum fucking. Randomly hitting me while I'm writing fic (for no apparent reason, no idea what triggered my brain to throw this at me when I WAS NEARLY DONE WITH THE FUCKING FIC NO LESS)

So goddamn rude. I'm off my track on the fic now, so I'm setting it aside for the night (we have Ren Faire today (it literally just hit midnight lol), but after that I want to get back to it) and realising I should really write this memory down.

Like. all of the little details about it, the bits of Mum and I and our relationship surrounding it. Both because my brain does tend to shutter some of those things away and makes them hard to get to without it being stupid lengthy a process involving talking out every feeling I'm having with someone else(unless it pulls some shit like tonight, then suddenly it's no fucking problem throwing it all over the place apparently) and because like

I don't know if I could say this one out loud to anyone, but I think I should. Probably a therapist, but it's one of those stupid trauma things of you just Want Someone, Anyone To Know, Now. To acknowledge it and say if it was as fucked up as it feels (bc I will never deny the possibility that I'm being dramatic and it isn't, and I should just. chill the fuck out about it.)

But every time I start trying to type it out I get hit with this wave of a physical response where my arms and wrists and fingers feel like they're clenching up and I Can't type it. And there's a part of me that doesn't want to because if I can see it in letters on a page, then it's real. It's real and it happened and maybe it was as fucked up as it feels like it was and if that's all true then like. it fits with everything else about our relationship that's already fucked up, from the severe (better than it used to be, but I'm sure it's very clear to y'all that it's still Not Good even though I've moved away from her) co-dependence to the emotional incest (fun fact: that term feels like a gut punch every time I hear it, and I've heard it from my therapist more than a few times now over the past 9ish years of treatment.) So I shouldn't be shocked by that or like, upset, right?

Yet I'm here typing this out to put off typing it up, and I'd bet money I don't necessarily have that I'll wind up putting my laptop away, showering, and going to bed without getting it typed. For better or for worse.

Part of the reason I worry so much abt Frenchie this season (aside from that I love him and he's one of my faves and I want nothing but good and happy for him) is because I also subscribe to his 'shove all the fucked up shit you've seen/experienced in a box in your mind and just. Never open it unless you're putting more in there' method of coping (have all my life, it was so weirdly validating to see it onscreen like that explained so plainly) and like. This is me when the box somehow pops open when I didn't mean it to, and I both want Frenchie to be able to process the things that have happened to him but also don't want to see a character I love so much hurt like this. Because it feels like a big stupid gaping open wound in my chest that I'm being entirely too dramatic about, no matter how valid feeling that way abt it might be.

Kind of hope I can just shut the lid on the box so I can get done and go to sleep after I post this. Should I actually type out the memory and everything? I hate to think that the answer my therapist would have given me, if I could afford to be seeing her rn, would be yes. But the thing is, I have fucking Ren Faire tomorrow in my Izzy cosplay (that Housemate says I look good in, which I'll vainly admit I'm rather happy about, even if it is a very inaccurate and homemade cosplay that's missing certain details I can't yet afford to buy), and I don't want to be dealing with any of this for the rest of the night/into tomorrow. I need to sleep so I can go have some fucking fun, for once. I even feel ok to bring my cane with folded in my bag, just in case I need it, bc that would still be in character if I wind up needing to use it. I can count on one hand the times I've had a fun experience where I also felt safe admitting when my body was hurting and using a physical aid to help it get by; I'm not losing this one.

It's not getting typed out, and I need to duct tape that fucking box shut for now.

[thebimarauder]

All for the game blurb post canon that i thought of today 

A little angsty but when is AFTG not 

credits for characters go to Nora with a little twist 

TW: mentions of: depression, self harm, and suicide attempt 

Neil: “Hey drew is something wrong?”

Andrew: “No”

Neil: “Are you sure you look a little upset”

Andrew:  “Im fine junkie” 

Neil: “Arent you always telling me im not allowed to say that?” 

Andrew:  “...”

Neil: “Umm okay but are you sure im worried? Will you at least talk to bee dont you have an appointment tomorrow im sure she wouldnt mind-” 

Andrew:  “do you really want to know how i feel neil fine if you care so much ill tell you. i hate most people and when i say that i really do mean it. i hate myself. i hate the fact that i was born in the wrong body and that there’s nothing i can do about it. i hate that i have boobs, i have boobs neil what kind of man has boobs and a vagina. i hate that i have this body but it makes me a trans gay man which makes a lot of people hate me and that coincidentally is one of the only things i don’t hate about myself. i hate the fact that i’m so fucked up and no matter how hard i try or how much time i put in with bee nothing will ever make me better.

i hate Aaron for hating me when i saved him and although i understand i just don’t get why he still doesn’t care because i obviously care and even you being so stupid as you are can tell that i care but he can’t. i hate Nicky for giving away his whole life and happiness for me and Aaron but i can also never thank him enough and that makes me so angry with myself that i’m happy that he fucked up his whole life but i’m so great full and i don’t know how to tell him. 

i hate wymack for giving me a chance and agreeing with my stupid idea to bring along aaron and nicky. he should have left me to rot and moved on to some other fucked up teen. i hate kevin for pulling me into all of this shit but also for giving me something to live for because now i’m alive every day dreading getting out of bed because although everything is far better now than it ever has been before in my entire life i still feel a weight on my chest both metaphorical and physical that i can’t get rid of and now because of kevin i still wake up to that every day. i hate bee for not giving up on me because somehow it worked enough that i’m able to talk about some things now and i don’t want to talk about them or even think about ever again. i hate myself for scaring people but i’m not even doing anything other than protecting myself and my family and i am called a terrifying monster. i hate myself for not fighting enough when i was younger and giving in to my darkest thoughts but i also hate that i didn’t go through with them which makes me hate myself more bc who wishes to die and then hates themself for not going through with it even when they have never been happier.

and above all neil i hate you because before you i felt nothing and now i feel everything. the good and bad and it’s more than i can deal with and i don’t want to throw anything on you but i can’t do it myself because you made me open myself up and you made me weak. You made me get off of the meds and you caring about me hurts because why have i never gotten that before in life but it is also the thing that makes all of the hate go away for a minute because although i say it all the time i don’t actually hate you neil i think i love you and it terrifies me. so there i said it i’m falling apart and losing my marbles and becoming the hateful monster everyone thinks i am and it’s all because of you. and i can’t do it. “

Neil: “…drew “

Andrew:  “rabbit “

Neil: “fuck drew “

Andrew:  “…”

Neil: “i love you so much “

Andrew:  “no you don’t “

Neil: “yes i do. don’t you dare tell me that i don’t love you because i do i always have. you are the only one to make me feel this and it’s love. i’ve always known but i wasn’t sure if you were ready but drew i love you and i know things are hard and you don’t feel like yourself and there’s years worth of tension with your family but i promise we will figure it out together like we always have because you are andrew minyard the strongest person i have ever met and i am hopelessly in love with you and would do anything to make you as happy as you make me and i will never stop tying. “

Andrew:  “rabbit “

Neil: “you can’t hate yourself like that because then you are hurting the person that i love most in the world and i can’t let you do that “

Andrew:  “Junkie”

Neil: “No i mean it drew you are amazing and wonderful and so lovable and i dont know how everyone else dosent see it and i dont know how you dont see it. I mean think of all of the amazing things you have done, you saved aaron multiple times, you saved nicky from those guys at the club, you got matt off the drugs, you protected kevin, you saved me “

Andrew:  “No i-”

Neil: “Yes you did drew you saved me and i love you for you and for all of that and i will never stop loving you so you better stop hurting yourself bc you said you would never hurt me and you hurting yourself physically or emotionally hurts me “

Andrew:  “I will try “

Neil: “Good and i know you said you are not super comfortable with your body but i just wanted you to know that I think you are the most beautiful person ive ever seen, you are like a greek god, strong, golden, powerful, and so fucking hot and even if you have moments or days of dysphoria or dislike for your body i will never stop thinking that you look amazing. And if you ever want to talk about this in more detail i am always here and would love to learn how to help “

Andrew:  “Thank you rabbit “

Neil: “Of course drew and about the other thing i cannot imagine how hard it was growing up in the situations that you did but i am so so fucking happy that you did not go through with trying to end it. And i know that now you are feeling more emotion than ever before because of the meds and pushing everything down and that it feels so scary and horrible right now it also lets you feel the good and happy and love from family and friends and I know you may not like everyone but after the last few months everyone loves you me most of all so im really happy that you can feel that now and know how much we care “

Andrew:  “I… i dont know what to say i bottled everything up for so long and now its overwhelming and i just dont know what to do or how to make it go away again “

Neil: “If you knew how to make it go away again in a healthy way i think you would make millions because no one has gotten that answer yet but if you ever need anyone to hold you up when everything feels particularly heavy i am not going anywhere if you need to cry, scream, hide, be held i will be here no questions asked and do everything i can to help all you need to do is ask for help so that it dosent get to this low of a point again because i never want to see you so low again “

Andrew:  “Did i scare you “

Neil: “No drew never but you did worry me you were so out of it and not responding and then you exploded with all of these things that you have never brought up before and that made me scared for you “

Andrew:  “Im sorry “

Neil: “You have nothing to be sorry for now how about we curl up and watch a movie so you can have a break from the feelings and then we can talk some more later “

Andrew:  “Okay “

Neil: “Okay lay with me drew? Yes or no?” 

Andrew:  “Yes, kiss me junkie? Yes or no? “

Neil: “Always yes “

[randomoranges]

i have not written anything in 45 yrs

i got this silly idea the other day

sometimes u just gotta write a silly

Notifications April 2023

 Edward settles in bed with a book he’s been looking forward to read, when he hears his phone go off somewhere around the living room. He must have forgotten to turn off the volume and the WIFI after watching a video on it, but he can’t really be bothered to get up to shut it. If anything, his phone will discharge and that’s a problem for Future Edward.

 He makes himself comfortable, happy for the blissful quiet of his house, when he hears his phone ping again. Clearly, it’s a coincidence, and he does his best to ignore it to concentrate on the gripping tale in his hands, however, the blasted device screams from the other room and Edward cannot ignore it anymore.

 Maybe, he thinks, as he gets out of his comfortable bed with a huff, slipping his feet inside his slippers, it’s an emergency and at this point it better be. Whoever this person is has successfully interrupted his down time and he will not stand for this. (Granted, he should have turned his device off as he normally does, but that’s a detail.)

 By the time Edward finds his phone – nestled between the couch pillows – practically hidden, there must have been half a dozen other pings and dings that had reverberated throughout his living room and when Edward finally unlocks the damned thing, it’s to find that someone’s liked a myriad of photos of him on Facebook. (Which reminds him, he needs to ask Calvin to stop a) taking candid shots of him and b) posting them on social and c) tagging him in them.)

 Edward nearly and almost chucks his phone across the room.

 To think he’d been bothered by that.

 And here he thought there’d been an emergency.

 This will teach him.

 He puts the volume off and is about to shut the thing completely, but then another notification comes in and his curiosity gets the best of him.

 Who the ever loving fuck is stalking his photos and why?

 He’s only partially surprised when he sees that all nineteen notifications have come from the same person; Étienne M. Maisonneuve.

 Annoyed, but mildly so, and now more intrigued, he fires off a quick text message as he walks back to his room.

 Message to Curly:

You know if you wanted my attention, you could have just called instead of sending your weird SOS

 He picks up his book, intent, really, to read it, but he finds himself picking up his phone again to see if Étienne will answer him or if he’s done with his little social experimentation.

 Message from: Curly

Édouard!!!! Hi :D

 Judging by the message, Étienne is not in distress but he might be up to no good. It is Friday night after all and that could mean a multitude of things.

 Message to Curly:

Hello yourself. I thought you were out tonight?

 Maybe it’s tomorrow night, but he’s pretty convinced Étienne had mentioned he was going out Friday night, last time they had spoken.

 Message from: Curly

I an ouyt and about!

**out

***am

 Edward grins at the corrections.

 Message to Curly:

How drunk are you lol?

 Message from: Curly

Might be a biiiiiittttttttttttt gone ahahahaha. Maye habe had a drinkly b4 going out with the gays.

*guys

**well theyre also gay HAHAHA.

 He kind of hates how he does actually crack a smile at the joke, but he schools his face in a neutral expression, even though he is aware that Étienne cannot see him.

 Message to Curly:

Then why are you going through old photos of me and liking them? Is the party that boring?

 Message from: Curly

Noooooo. Parties realy good.

*Party’s

**?? Idk what speilling is anywmore

Im having a smoke outside.

 Message to Curly:

And you decided to look up photos of me? Instead of socialising with everyone else?

 He doesn’t mean it as a reprimand. He just knows how Étienne works and how he’ll start a conversation with anyone within a foot of him.

 Message from: Curly

Éfodouard!

**Édouard!

See. I Loïc and Daniel wanted to see photographic proof of you ecisting.. So I found a photo of you on FB bcs I emptied my phone like yesterday so it’s void of you now ;(  which I knoe is a travesty. But. So I went on FB and then showed them ur profile pic. And then I went out for a smoke and there was literally no one outside. So I returned to FB and started looking and then I found like a million of photos that I had never seen??????? So I had to like them. To show be supportive.

 Message to Curly:

Uh-huh.

 It’s not that Edward doesn’t believe him; he just finds the tale a little amusing. That and how completely gone Étienne’s sentence structure seems to be.

 Message from: Curly

Shhhhh. Ure like fcking hot okay???? Im not allowed to look at photos of my hot bf??????

 He forgets how much blunter Étienne becomes when he’s had a few drinks and who knows what else and so, the message takes him by surprise. He feels his face heat up and puts his phone down for a moment to compose himself.

 Message to Curly:

You can look all you want but those are old.

 They are. Some are from before they got together. Then again, it’s not like he can stop him from it anyways.

 Message from: Curly

I don’t care. I hadnt seen them b4. Plus I totally still look at older pics of u n me from way back. We were total killers anywahs hahah.. But u look happy in these. N cute. N lovelyyyy. Did calvin take them???? Msurprised u don’t look ready to murder him ahahahahahahha.

Jk

But tell him thank u for the photos hahahahahaah

If he took them lol

Or just thank u to the person who took the photos

Also I havent seen u in like 45 yrs so I have to look at pics to not forget what u look like :(

 He would have looked ready to murder Calvin if he would have been aware that Calvin was taking any of these. Yet, it seems as though Calvin has the uncanny knack of snapping a photo when he isn’t looking. And – they aren’t bad photos, really. However, he will need to have a chat with Calvin about this, or at the very least keep a better eye on what he gets tagged in. (In Calvin’s defence, the photos are all very tame; one of him out gardening from last summer, another from a recent walk when he’d stopped to look at a window display and such.)

 Message to Curly:

Your life truly is tragic.

 Message from: Curly

It is the tragicest. Édouaaaaard. When will I see u again????? :( :( :(

 Message to Curly:

Soon, hopefully. I miss you too <3

 Message from: Curly

:D

Ok. Smoke finished and its cold outside. I will let u go back to ur old man routine <3

 Message to Curly:

Who says I’m not out having fun as well??

 He’s almost insulted that Étienne would assume that he’s not out and about, but then again, it’s not as if Étienne is wrong either. Plus, he can imagine Étienne’s stupid little pleased smile and he’s a sucker for it something fierce. Another good thing that they’re not currently occupying the same space, otherwise, Étienne would have seen through him. Then again, maybe not, if only for the fact that Étienne isn’t really sober at the moment. He could use that to his advantage.

 Message from: Curly

Pls. I know u. u have something tmrw nite. U like having one night of Calm TM.

 Message to Curly:

Maybe I’ve changed. New year new me and all.

 Message from: Curly

Hahahahahahahaha. Ure so funny Édouard. Hot and funny ;)

 Edward huffs. It’s not fair that even in his inebriated state, Étienne still manages to get the upper hand on him. He’ll have to concoct some revenge plan for a later date.

 Message to Curly:

You just like tormenting me.

 Message from: Curly

I do. It’s super fun. Ure super fun.

Oh!

I know!

We should go out next time ure here!

Like before – but better!

Its not the same as before but its still fun. We can have fun!!!!

Go out!!!!!

Plus like last time and the one before or wtv was fcking lame bcs curfew and shit. Or just panini stuff.

Theres a few cool places ud like.

 Message to Curly:

I’ll leave the planning to you then.

 They don’t need to go out. He likes just spending time with Étienne, even if all they do is hangout in his backyard. But – he knows Étienne likes showing him the sights and taking him out and he doesn’t mind.

 He thinks about it for a moment – they really haven’t been out to a club since the fallout and the getting back together. He wonders what it would be like. For starters, the scene has changed tremendously. Then, there’s the fact that they’ve both changed over the past few decades – for the better, thankfully. He knows it’ll be different than it had been before, but he also knows (and hopes) that it’ll be fun. If anything, Étienne had always been good at that.

 Message from: Curly

Ok. Ok im going back in now

Yesssss.. Enjoy ur wtv. Ill call u next. I love you <3 xxxxxxxxxxxxx

 Message to Curly:

Looking forward to it. Be safe. Love you too. <3 xx

 He waits a moment longer, almost certain Étienne isn’t quite done, and he laughs loudly, when there’s one more notification that pops up on his phone. He shuts if off afterwards and finally picks up his book for good.

 FIN

[boileddogchicken]

haha uh oh i lost track of time i started thinking about a character that i have grown rapidly attached to in the past 24 hours and because i decided she i just like me fr!! but that's not the only reason i'm still awake i was going to write some b'rsh content but i didn't really like where it was going so i started writing shit related to the dnd campaign im going to run eventually (see look i didn't forget abt it existing) but yeah after i decided i was done writing i started thinking more about this fucking CHARACTER like holy shit she is so cool and so pretty and like. there's a lot in her story that just feels so much like me as a person in my own story on this wild ride, this passage of fate (haha get it xenoblade 3 reference that one was for a very specific person i'm mutuals with u know who u are teehee :3) but like anyways dendro muted altered my brain chemistry just a little bit bc i'm like "hey gay plant person who has chronic fatigue and pain who does that sound like" i mean of course i'm a flesh person and not a plant person but yknow. plant people are cool as fuck and if that was a thing irl i would be so good at it oh fuck it's so late i'm going to be so tired tomorrow chronic fatigue and not getting. sleep is such a good combo yknow it's like i'm taking a screenshot- oh shit i don't rlly hurt right now but if i start hurting BEFORE i go to bed that'll further impact my ability to go to sleep and then if that happens more fatigue and more pain it's a fucking cycle oh shit a cycle just like a motorcycle LIKE IN FINAL FANTASY VII i am so good and keeping the same train of thought in a singular post like that's something i pride myself in being able to do i definitely don't get completely sidetracked and talk about xenoblade and final fantasy when i'm trying to talk about webcomics and chronic illness (they're connected remember? that was like my whole thesis since dendro is so neat and reminds me of myself) also this has been a brain thought for like months now but i don't know what to do with it: chthonic illness it's like chronic illness but related to greek mythology underworld is that anything or just similar sounding words OKAY SHIT I SHOULD EEP HAVE A GOOD NIGHT MUTUALS :3 also i almost accidentally had a poll on this post and was just gonna hit send but it didn't let me which meant i learned how to get rid of it (LIKE IN DEATH NOTE) fuck i posted but now i'm editing bc i forgot one thing also that so cool abt dendro from muted (also spoilers for the last couple chapters of muted) BUT ANYWAY by the end of the series she uses a cane and so do i!!!! so yeah more of the whole "she's just like me fr" goin on over here but also good night for real have the night u deserve :3

[darkmoonkestrel]

daily kestrel 46:

today was a good (busy) day in the school library! we saw one class from each grade, so I got the full K-5 spectrum all packed in to one. I was able to bring in the supplies that the subathon got from my wishlist and it brought me such joy to be able to do that

we went to the other place that we really wanted to see, and liked it. really, really liked it. as in, cut the list price of our home ahead of the two showings that are scheduled for tomorrow and are planning on putting together an offer on the place (pending an inspection), really liked it. it's in a quiet neighborhood but really close to a lot of things off of a good interstate exit, and only 15ish minutes from the ren faire grounds. it's got so much room for customization and improvement and to make it ours, i'm fully embracing Paige's idea of manifesting it, the good vibes are carrying us on bc it just feels like our house, idk how to describe it. also shit's scary but c'est la vie

i tried to read to Peyton on the way home, but we got two pages in before Birthgiver called, so we spent the rest of the car ride home on the phone with her. i worked on my schoolwork after we got home, and Paige made the hotwurst for dinner - I did my due diligence and ate half of one before passing it on to Peyton, and I'm now realizing I have had no other significant food. i should fix that before bed. despite dicking around in the office while occasionally working, I managed to get my blog post done, do one of my readings, and prep my interview questions for tomorrow in a better order.

i opened up google drive for a school thing and it defaults to my old gmail account sometimes, and the excuse to procrastinate overruled, so I looked through some of my old things - a monologue from acting senior year of high school, a couple late high school and early college notes/projects (including a document that simply said "notes from chem review:" and nothing else), and things related to Sommer. pictures, the senior letter I wrote to her, the tracklist from the playlist I made for her... it's times like this that I have to remember that post "the versions of my life that I did not choose are none of my business" or whatever, ya know?

anyway, I'm tempted to get up around sunrise to take a shower and then head to the farmer's market to snag some brekkie before we have to get the house cleaned and prepped and vacated for the first of two showings tomorrow. idk if we're going to come back to the house between them, we shall see. also, viper's baby was born today, and with a head full of hair! i really need to finish his quilt so the little dude can have a cool ass first christmas present. I hope I'll have time to finish it with the move and all coming up