#i will never be me to them
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C!Thomas is stronger than I am because if the Embodiment of my Logic told me my current life path was a mistake while I was already spiraling I would have had a complete break down and contemplated sticking a fork in the electrical socket.
#i have not had a good day#you know usually it's kind of fun to find out you have something in common with a fave character or comforting to find a way in which you#relate to that character#questioing your lifes choices because you dropped out of stem to persue art is not a fun thing to relate to#growing up in church being closeest queer for a portion of that and deconstructing your beliefs while questioning your choice to drop out of#stem to persue art much to the confusion of those around you leaving them also questioning what youre doing is immensely less fun#all of that plus tryint to figure out who you actually are as a person makes it so much worse#i dont feel like i know who i am because im not who everyone expected and/or wanted me to be because im not who they told me id become#i dont really know how to figure it out either#i dont know how to figure it out because i dont actually have the support of my family because while i can be out to a select few irl#it wont ever really be an option with my family so im still hiding from them i wont ever really be supported as an artist by them either#i will never be me to them#its safer to just not be anyone at all so i dont disappoint them so they wont be upset at me so they wont try to convince me to be who they#want and expect me to be#i feel like its too late for me to be able to figure out who i am like i missed the time frame for it and i dont really know how to anyway#im so tired#if i had a nickle for every time relating to a character broke my heart a little id have two nickles#which isnt a lot but its weird that it happened twice
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(look at what i have to offer) — this is the spider's nest.
#wild life smp#grian#<- is that really... his tag...?#grian fanart#life series smp#wanted to also make him wear skizz's tie specifically bec i hc he cant tie it properly himself so its always lopsided#perhaps later on he then wraps it around his fist#anyway this was A LOT . simpler in my head. never again will i draw rails#eydidraws#my art#trafficblr#mcyt#self indulgent drawing for me . maybe ill post the original sillier sketches later :'D#also kinda failed but i wanted to give the illusion of 8 legs so shadow-arm-sleeve-coat (left) / shadow-arm-shadow-coat (right)#* extra edit for clarification: yes my wl! grian is wearing mumbo's jacket (all the rips) and skizz's tie (unharmed since he fell) :D#maybe when they resurrect next time ill draw them without it lmao
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surprisingly, viktor is quite the hugger. Only jayce knows this, of course.
#and viktor would never tell him that jayce is the only one who actually gets to hug him#because he would never feed his ego like that#kidding#he would#i just wanted to draw them hugging#when will my sleep schedule go back to normal#jayvik you have ruined me#let me go already#jayvik#jayvik fanart#jayce#jayce talis#jayce and viktor#arcane#arcane fanart#viktor#my art#fanart#digital art
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having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!
there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.
#and before one of u is like '' i have no friends :(" i used to be there too actually#abusive partner cut me off from ALL of 'em. i didn't think i was lovable#it made me EXCEPTIONALLY shy. i still am actually!!!!#i just ... started saying ''yes.''#i would take pictures of flyers in my library and go to whatever events they had#i started taking community classes#if someone mentioned like ''i am gonna start x group'' i actually took a deep breath#and approached them to be like . okay i want in.#i started making the first move with new people - a small compliment#a smile or a little joke. just to share the space with them.#i have MASSIVE social anxiety. bad parent and bad relationship will do that to ya.#but i just... kept going. and going. and going. to each of these little things. and then...#like. .... idk i just am very blessed. i have a STUPID number of friends#a lot of which i reconnected with. bc it turns out love is never wasted. adult life just.#like. gets in the way. but also... i loved u as a weird little kid. i love u now as a weird big adult.#i promise i PROMISE ur friends are out there. u just have 2 find them. and btw#i didn't make friends with everyone. but i did get a lot of people to smile or laugh.#aint that something.#this process took me something like 2 years. it was HARD!!!!!!!!!!#i love u!!! hard things are often worth it!!!
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god I fuckign love ocs. my characters. my friend's characters. the characters of mutuals ive never spoken to. the characters of artists ive followed and maybe spoken to a little more. the characters of complete strangers I see in passing and think "aw that's cool". if you have ten fans I am one if you have one fan it is me etc etc. I love you
#please please please never give up on your original stories#because - and this is crucial - i. specifically me. want to see them#so know when it feels like nobody cares about them: i am there. and i am caring#felix saidtheblackhorse you are always on the mind i love yo. get worse#not art
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tim needed a disguise quick and it was the only viable option unfortunately
#imagine them being surrounded by goons-hoods or black mask's take ur pick#anyway I do not envy Tim#l was in a hurry and I just grabbed the closest helmet to me-which happened to be my brother's#never again#dc comics#jason todd#batfam#tim drake#red hood#batfamily#doodels
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don't think I'm not still obsessing over 7-12
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 12 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 12 spoilers#sorry it's even scribblier than usual :') hopefully my chickenscratch is legible#anyway come here and join me in the corner where we go to be embarrassing about anime characters#just. between riddle and trey's dreams i've been thinking a lot about how#trey knew this kid for like two months when he was nine and then never really got over him or how their friendship ended#which. honestly. understandable given the circumstances#and then when they finally met again riddle acted like they'd never met before and neither he nor trey ever intended trey to be his vice#but every time riddle talks about his childhood post-incident it's basically#'oh yeah i constantly thought about trey and che'nya and fantasized about still being friends with them! this is fine and normal'#(there's a bit in one of his birthday cards where he talks about crossword puzzles and shit man that one got me)#idk. i can't put this into words very well#just...the implications that riddle was actively resisting trey's friendship#(presumably because it ended SUPER badly last time and he's learned that if he shows he wants something it gets taken away from him)#and trey had to work REALLY hard to just to get to the point they were at by the time canon starts#that was progress somehow#y'all can call him boring all you want but trey's defining feature really is that he keeps being like#'everything's fine :) this isn't a big deal :) i don't care that much'#(trey on the inside: THIS IS THE BIGGEST DEAL THAT I CARE SO MUCH ABOUT AND I WILL NEVER LET IT GO)#anyway i continue to be absolutely murdered by the timing of riddlepunzel directly after this#riddle's line about not wanting to keep standing in front of a door that's never going to open...#hey. hey silly gacha game about anime disney boys.#you are not actually allowed to do this to me#oh shit oh damn i'm out of tags and i haven't even talked about cater yet. NO BUT I HAVE LOTS OF FEELINGS THERE TOO --#(i am crushed under a falling safe looney tunes style)
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i hate them so much why are they like this
#“let's take a look at all the weirdos” it's you. you are the weirdos. everyone is scared of you#they're just losers i hate them i hate them they make so mad istg#they consume my thoughts and i'll never forgive them for that#aa#ace attorney#dounart#ace attorney fanart#gyakuten saiban#aa fanart#phoenix wright#phoenix wright fanart#miles edgeworth#miles edgeworth fanart#narumitsu#wrightworth#art#fanart#digital#they make me ill i swear i've lost half my braincells hallucinating about them
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The final TF2 issue really got to me. Spoilers, but it’s the reveal that all of this suffering and murder and war over gravel and shitty land was for nothing but senseless, bottomless hatred. That the administrator can’t even remember where this revenge plot started as she flashes through different false memories of her parents’ deaths. There was never a tragic backstory or justification, only terrible people doing despicable things. And despite how crass and stupid and unserious TF2 is, the story subverts every expectation by showing the survivors and inheritors willingly breaking the cycle. Ms. Pauling lies to the administrator and chooses not to save her, and finally lets her die. (Hurts even more if you read into the subtext that Ms. Pauling is in love with the administrator.) She lets the final cache of Australium go and walks away from the burden and legacy of a century-old bloodfeud. Hale lets Gray’s daughter go and live her life freely. Spy is the first to arrive at Scout’s house and meet his big family, finally takes off his mask, and helps with the kids. Even Merasmus exhaustedly makes peace with himself and Soldier and chooses not to curse him or something. There’s nothing to finish, no promises to keep, and no one to avenge. The only thing to do is break the cycle and walk away.
It feels odd how happy and warm everything is, but it feels so right and earned. These bloodthirsty, awful, violent men were expendable cogs in a machine of endless violence, and they found a way out. It’s a genuinely great message about letting go the past that burdens you and finding the will and a way to hit the bricks, change, and be happy. Maybe they don’t technically deserve happiness, but they’ve got it nonetheless, and they’re not gonna let it go to waste. They’re still all crazy and violent, but on their own terms now and with people who love them! Smiles.
#tf2#rant#personal#the stuff with the administrator reminded me of the ending of breaking bad#except the admin isn’t as self aware as Walt lol#that there was never a sympathetic reason or justification to fall back on#all of this was done simply because they were sadistic people#I really appreciate the writers avoiding the expected trope of the administrator dying and#Ms Pauling taking the mantel and becoming the next administrator. both as a either a girlboss empowerment thing or a sad but realistic end#like nah they’re happy and doing well. we won’t torture these characters any more and doom them to continuing the cycle#they’ll be happy and you’ll be happy for them
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welcome to the world
#crowcraft#dc#kon el#superboy#so many ideas for the tube exit#I KNOW this isn’t how it happened but let me have this. I have things I think about and art is how I get them out before they eat me#this one’s about the moments of dazed confusion. he’d never even felt AIR before do you ever think about that. I think about that all the t#how strange would it be to Know so many things without having experienced them#the few seconds of disconnect here. his brain is firing all his knowledge and a startup ‘hello world’ sequence#but he’s never FELT. ANYTHING before#conner kent#so many strange sensations before it clicks as a ‘huh. so this is air. this is breathing this is thinking this is seeing hearing smelling-‘#ETC. sure babies do this but babies can’t remember shit#IDKK. I JUST THINK AHOUT IT A LOT
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found out about the existence of this pairing like a month ago and im already in love with these two <33
#transformers#tf#maccadam#tf g1#starscream#jetfire#skyfire#jetstar#skystar#my art#genuinely funny that i knew about starscreams existence all my life but i NEVER heard of skyfire#so it was insane to find out that scream all this time had a big kind bf😭😭#i thought people shipped scream only with megs but oh my god... scream can actually have a healthy relationship with someone🥺#its not a diss on megastar from time to time i kinda shipped them xd (i didnt know about the possibility of other ships)#but yeah ive known about skystar only for like a month and they already destroyed me with how cute theyre while still having SO much angst
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no youtubers have ever aged this well ever
#fine wine metaphor isn't doing them justice#i will never stop making these cause who are these people. what#puberty meteor skipped me i still look 12 but it hit them like seventeen times#dan and phil#dnp#phan#phil lester#amazingphil#daniel howell#danisnotonfire#danandphilgames
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life of regret
#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford#gravity falls#my art#no way . i had all of these tags written out on mobile ab stanford and fiddleford post fallout and it CRASHEDDDD#THEYRE GONEEEWW (slipping thru my fingers like sand)#whag freaking ever . i was just talking about how i always forget theres a pocket of time between their split and fords disappearance#and how crazy it is that i had no idea fidds used the gun on ford until last month#it just unlocked smt in my brain thats all.👐 and then i said i was smashing my head w a rock. maybe even 20❤️#tbh i was neutral on fidds back then but i rly rly like him now T_T .. power of other fidd enjoyers lifting me up#i had a lot of fun coloring this one but i didnt know what exactly i wanted to do w it . i had fidds and the gun all finished#but i was like uhhh.. >added the wrapped light#and then i added a whole bunch of scribbled soc of the blind eye symbols but it was waay too crowded/busy#i wish i couldve found a way to keep them😧 u know when HAHAHAHAH u know those ugly like#math prints of just random equations . thats what it started looking like n i had 2 tap out#editing 2 say i posted this and i had that panic NOOO WAIT ITS JOT FINISHED but I Will be Okay.<say it w me#if i spend too much time on it ill just overwork it and then never share so -__-
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would you bite the hand that feeds you?
#pearlescentmoon#smajor1995#wild life smp#namemc spoilers#i hope these two never get along in the storyline i find them fascinating#OKAY SO#originally i had this sketch back in session 2 when scott manages to throw her something actually edible JUST IN TIME#and now with the namemc spoilers of pearl ACTUALLY having a yellow eye which does! kind of match scotts esp since he died for this#i figured itd be an appropriate time#i did edit it though the original was pearl eating smth#now do i think scott and pearl has had any Major (heh) interactions to warrant this fanart in WL?#frankly no LMAO theyve been very civil you go guys . but i like the dynamics between them anyway#also i finally got a piece with scott!!! hes been very hard to draw goodness#anyway long rambly tags#eydidraws#my art#mcyt#trafficblr#galaxyduo#majormoon#** i say civil because its just been more on verbal light jabs at each other rather than anything Really significant ?#and well. its obvious all 3Gs are being very careful around each other which makes me JUST A L IL SAD#id love to see them let loose and be vicious but i also understand the angle theyre coming from#anyway can you tell i like the 3g dynamics
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I like to think that Vulcans who come to understand that Humans just can’t try to process emotions the same way as them, it’s just healthiest to let it out in harmless ways, decide that venting and stuff should be taken just as seriously as Vulcan’s meditation time, and will encourage the Humans around them to complain about what’s upsetting them
People who are used to aloof Vulcans who avoid Humans at all cost running into one comforting a Human
“-and then they said my cheesecake was subpar, and they didn’t even bring a dish!!!”
“The purpose of this event was that every participant brings a food item of sorts, correct?”
“Yeah!!”
“And they did not follow this rule while insulting dishes that were brought?”
“Mostly just my dish but yeah >:(“
“How illogical”
“That’s what I’m saying!!!”
#star trek#Vulcans#Humans#not based on a specific thing#but I used to know this annoying couple that were ‘family friends’#who would show up to potluck dinners and the like and would either bring nothing or bring something really just. out of left field?#like a bag of frozen chicken to a bbq#and then proceed to make sure they are first even if it was stated to let kids go first#would take HUGE amounts before anyone else got a chance to get a plate#and then make off with the leftovers again even if they were already claimed for#and it wasn’t a food insecurity thing trust me I would never speak bad about a person getting food if that was even a remote chance#the adults who raised us knew them really well and we’d been to their house a ton of times#they were just dicks#and yeah. they’d occasionally insult the food. while eating the MAJORITY of it.#it was so weird at their home they would go out of their way to get the healthiest options possible#you know the really bland tasteless expensive stuff that apparently was healthier#but then if they were visiting our house they would. eat all our unhealthy snacks.#that always pissed me off so much as a kid because we actually had a food insecurity thing going on#and also a variety of other reasons that are a bit too depressing to bring up on this post#but anyways we’d hardly ever get to have nice snacks#and this couple would just take them all??? even after we’d tell them repeatedly that it was ours and those snacks weren’t gonna be#replaced#hated that couple#if you’re wondering why they were ‘family friends’ it’s because the couple who raised us#(it feels weird to type it out like that but apparently legal guardians doesn’t fit since they never finished petitioning 💀)#liked having them around because it made them look like ‘such great Christian’s’ being nice to the people#that no one else wanted to be friends with#I always thought that was a really weird and fucked up reason to be friends with someone#this got long sorry 😭
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"jason is a knockoff watered down percy" NO hear me out, jason actually parallels annabeth immensely, sharing SO many similarities with her personality, not percy, in this essay I will-
edit: my full analysis is out now! here
#just adding that I think jason and annabeth are similar BUT they are SEPARATE characters with separate personalities ❗❗#and i don't think jason is anyone's knockoff!! so don't misunderstand me guys!#trust me ik how it feels like to have jason getting mischaracterized so I would never do that!#when I read about jason the first time I'm like wow he's gentler but similar to annabeth chase wow he could be her twin#they are both genuinely interested in learning stuff. they both mansplain and geek. they are both misunderstood as conceding when they do#they love getting involved in debates and discussions. they both have designed temples assigned to them by the gods themselves#they are both seen as 'scary and intimidating' when they're just softies who need love. they are both overthinkers with too many plans#they are both soft for ppl w silly humor. they both kinda give off an untrustworthy vibe at first bc they know too much info#they are both also pretty suspicious and don't trust immediately. they both love architecture. they both have a 'cold icy' stare#also they're both TALL#I could keep going on and on for ages actually#pjo#pjo fandom#percy jackson#jason grace#pjo series#pjo hoo toa#pjo hoo#annabeth chase
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