#i will hopefully be better about this in the future but for now...
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bdbueckers · 2 days ago
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trust me? | p.b
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pairing: paige bueckers x fem!reader
warnings: smut, fluff, sub!paige, soft dom!reader, sex toy usage, spit, slight tribbing, fingering, overstimulation(?), i think that’s all but feel free to lmk if i missed anything!
wc: 4.4k (pwp)
summary: reader wants to try something new with paige after an impromptu trip to the sex store. based on this request!
author's note: i couldn't finish up the fic that i wanted to upload for valentine's day so we're scrapping it for now and ima leave y'all with this! it's different for me to write sub!paige but i think i like how it came out and maybe i'll get more into it for future posts! once again, thank you to the anon that sent this request, hopefully you enjoy it a little more than everyone else! (ngl i didn’t really proofread this so we’re giving it to god…and as always if you hate it idc DON’T tell me)
also that uconn vs south carolina game has given me the serotonin boost needed to carry me through this month AND march, they make me so proud😭 y’all better be tuned in for the game tonight vs seton hall :) i’m manifesting more pg paige and some beautiful uconn hoops!
okay sorry i’m done talking, enjoy! x
nervous was an understatement. how do you bring up the idea of topping your girlfriend…to her? considering you hadn’t thought about how to do so prior to this moment, the nerves seemed normal.
you took a spontaneous trip to your favorite sex shop without telling paige and you blacked out when you got inside, overwhelmed by all the options without your girlfriend by your side to give you her opinion. 
immediately once you had eyes on it you’d settled for a dual bullet vibrator, paired with a remote. the thought of paige using it on you immediately causes you to hold your breath a little. but the thought of you using it on her had you b-lining to the register and giddy and running up the stairs at home to hide it while she was asleep on the couch.
after some pondering, you’d figured it would be a little too easy to ask. it was essentially a yes or no question, and she’d honestly answer in a heartbeat, but you wanted to ensure that she’d be at your mercy.
you settled on the idea of a nice candlelit dinner for the both of you to butter her up. then you’d “pop the question”. 
you were back out of the house as soon as you’d returned, texting paige that you were heading out for some groceries, tucking the “gift” away.
by the time you were back she was wide awake and pretty tuned in to whatever she had playing on the tv. she heard you coming in the door and met you there to greet you sweetly and take any bags from your hands. she sets them down on the counter and starts to reach in, almost too fast for you to remember that she was supposed to be hands off and out of the kitchen for tonight.
“noo, wait let me do it! i wanna cook dinner for you so i’ll put things away.“
“cook for me? baby, what’s the occasion? literally we just celebrated valentine’s day.” okay, so she was already asking you questions.
“shh, no occasion. i just love you and i want to practice making some things. then i’ll be cooking for you all the time instead of…almost never” you respond in a rush, sort of frowning at the last part but still prying her hands off the bags and lightly pushing her out of the kitchen.
you can hear her muttering under her breath but nonetheless she turns on her heels to press a kiss to your lips and whisper a quick “missed you” before turning back around to leave.
your heart swells in your chest at the thought of how sweet she is to you while you put away everything and set out what you were gonna make.
you wanted to get a little fixed up, or at least out of one pair of sweatpants and into another. slipping past paige, who was once again focused on the tv, you headed upstairs. 
after putting on the smallest bit of makeup and fiddling with your hair you grin at your reflection in the mirror. the thought of getting pretty for your girlfriend enough to make your stomach jump. you throw on a pair of loose fitting pants and one of your teenier tops. you’d even saved up to buy another overpriced lingerie set and you had it on underneath, intending for p to see you in it and immediately want it off.
paige walks into the bathroom ready to shower and stops directly behind you in the mirror, letting out a small noise of shock. 
“all this for me? okay now i really need to know what’s going on.” she questions, now standing so close that you could feel her body heat on your back.
“nothing is going on! i told you i wanted to cook for you tonight, can’t i look good while doing it?” you reply, holding eye contact with her in the mirror and ending your sentence with a mini eye roll.
she lifts a hand from her side and places it right underneath your bust, slightly on your ribs, pulling you even further into her.
“you always look good for me baby, but i’ll let you have this.” she teases, kissing your temple and continuing her stride to the shower.
as soon as she was facing away from you, you were staring hard. watching the muscles in her back strain against her shirt when she reached for a towel, you trailed your eyes up and down her frame.
you wish you had her underneath you right now.
stopping yourself you huff slightly and make your way down to the kitchen to get started on dinner. you get in with the “harder” more time consuming parts first so you could focus and shortly the whole process starts to breeze by. 
everything thus far was perfect, especially for a meal that didn’t technically require a recipe.
you hear the water of the shower shut off and a few other noises upstairs. this allows you to anticipate paige emerging from your shared bedroom and getting a whiff of the home cooked meal, immediately on track to fold for you like you needed. 
when she does make her way into the kitchen you’re standing over a cutting board gathering some stuff to chop.
“it smells so good in here baby, oh my god” you hear paige from behind you. then you feel her. hands gravitating to your hips as always and she gently places her chin on your shoulder, her front molding to your back.
“i’m just making a lil something…since i was finally given some time to put some groceries in the fridge. we’re gonna eat something home cooked and actually fulfilling tonight, no fast food, no take out. made with lots of love.” you say, a smile plastered on your face at the domestic feel of this entire moment.
just you and the prettiest girl in the world, standing in your shared living space while you prepared dinner as a way to treat yourselves. 
“i don’t even know what you’re making and i’m drooling over it, guess you’ve still got your touch.” she teases, nudging your cheek with her nose and leaving a light smack on your ass.
“STILL? get out of the kitchen.” you respond, stifling a laugh of your own at how ridiculous she was. “it’s almost done and i’ve already set the table, maybe pour yourself a glass of wine and get out of my way?”
“yes ma’am.” she snorts, holding her hands up in fake defense and shaking her head a little.
you quickly plate everything, mentally saving yourself a pat on the back for how good it truly did look.
sneaking a peek into the dining room you see paige on her phone, eyes low and cheeks already a little rosy as a result of her now finished glasses of wine.
“hey pretty girl, dinner is ready!” you call out, assuming she’d want to carry your plates to the table as she always did.
her lips form an “o” as she locks eyes with the food on the counter and then her eyes pan over to you. if looks could talk her eyes would definitely be confessing their love to you right now. 
feeling shy under her gaze you shake your head and go in for a hug, slightly nuzzling into her chest. you pull back, tilt your head up, and she’s already looking back at you. you both pull back cheesing, not needing to say much.
“babe this is a little too much, you didn’t have to– wait, are you tryna butter me up?” paige breaks the silence.
“butter you up? mmm, maybe…but that doesn’t mean i didn’t want to cook for you. it’s like the cherry on top, please just enjoy yourself baby c’mon!” you plead, stepping back from her to hold her hands in your own.
“okay…” she mutters, before repeating the words cherry on top underneath her breath and giggling. 
she grabs your plates and walks them to the table as you follow closely behind and take your spot across from her.
you’re only two bites in before you hear her again, “okay but seriously what is it? the suspense is killing me.”
“can’t you just eat your food first?” you laugh, shaking your head and taking another bite.
“i think we both know i can multitask, answer the question.” she responds, taking a bite of her food and a sip from her wine glass.
“i promise you will find out when we finish our meal,” you dodge again.
paige smacks her lips a little, a smile fighting for its life to stay hidden.
she does let it go, or so you’d hoped. and dinner goes well. eventually you’re just poking at what’s left on your plate while paige rambles a little. she’d cleared whatever she had in front of her a bit ago but you’d managed to get her talking to avoid her disrupting your own train of thought.
she pauses between sentences and your mouth moves faster than your thoughts.
“p, you trust me right?” you genuinely ask, already nervous again.
“of course baby, what’s going on?” she asks, placing her hand over yours on the table.
“i, i got uh– well i wanna show you something, if that’s okay?” you taunt a bit, lacing your fingers together and getting up from your seat at the table.
her eyebrows furrow a little and she smirks before getting up with you. you begin leading her to your bedroom and stop a few paces from the door to face her. you place your hands on her chest, before allowing them to creep up and secure behind her neck.
“you’re so beautiful,” you whisper, a very visible glint in your eyes.
before she can respond you pull her down to your height and connect your lips. you sigh into the kiss when you feel her hands immediately on your ass and her tilting her head to deepen the kiss. you open your mouth the slightest bit and feel her tongue meet your own. if you weren’t hot before from the wine, you definitely were now. 
you pull back completely and smirk before turning around and heading directly into the bedroom, a slight sway in your hips.
you guide paige onto the bed and she plops down a little, you perched at her side.
“earlier today, i was shopping around and i found something that i wanted to see if you’re interested in.” you trail off, getting up to fetch the discreet packaging that you knew for a fact paige was familiar with.
“mhm, and what is this ‘something’?” she proceeds, holding up her own air quotes. her eyes on yours and one of her eyebrows raised the tiniest bit. almost challenging you.
you pull the toy out of the bag, seeing as you had already taken them out of their packaging earlier to prep.
paige’s expression is hard to read and you can tell she’s leaving space for you to answer her unspoken questions, her breath hitching.
you climb on top of her holding the toy at your side. you catch her eyes fell onto your lips, glossy and parted to speak.
“i just saw this and thought we could try something new? specifically me, trying it out on the both of us.” you ask, or tell her rather. voice a little low but not wavering at all.
“baby i’m all yours, i want whatever you want.” she utters, hands lightly gripping your thighs.
“i’m so happy to hear you say that,” you smile.
you lean down, your weight falling onto your hand that’s now right beside paige’s head. you hold eye contact for as long as you can before you connect your lips again in another kiss. this one less gentle, some notable urge behind it. paige moans immediately kissing back, her hands back on your ass when your tongue slips between her lips to meet her own. 
you pull back to catch your breath, also opting to shed your shirt and reveal your other surprise for her. 
“fuck, are you serious?” paige groans. immediately drawn to the teacup bralette that held your tits just right, but also left you exposed with the mesh on the front of it.
“you like?” you ask, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth to stop yourself from laughing at the expression on her face.
“baby you know i do, cmon” 
“let me show you the rest of it then?” you finish, pushing up onto your knees so you could rid yourself of your pants.
your panties are the same mesh as the bralette, but they’re lacking the smallest piece of fabric. 
they’re crotchless.
you swear you can see the girl in front of you drool a little when she realizes. paige’s eyes are blown out and her mouth is agape when she sees you kneeling in front of her, practically naked.
“do you wanna shed some layers too p? i’m getting impatient,” you tease, watching as she scoffs a little before sitting up to pull her own shirt over her head. 
you have to stop yourself from getting too distracted by her taut abdomen and the little bit of cleavage that’s exposed when she presses her arms together, tugging her sleeves off. as soon as the shirt hits the floor of your bedroom you have your hands in the waistband of her pants, locking eyes with her. she tilts her head in a small nod that signals you to continue.
when you’re both lacking a good amount of clothing you crawl over her. your panties allowing your bare clit to rest on her lap and you hiss at the contact. you grab her hand and place it over your front, hinting at her to fondle your nipples over the thin fabric of your bralette.
“you’re unreal,” you hear paige utter from underneath you, her eyes watching your puffy clit glide messily over her slightly covered bottom half. the sight causes you to swallow a mix of a chuckle and a moan.
“yeah? tell me more.” you respond, breathless as you reach for her other hand, bringing two of her fingers up to your mouth. you kiss them gently and then wrap your lips around her fingertips.
knowing that this gets her going you’re not shocked at how her eyelids flutter before she takes her bottom lip between her teeth.
“you cooked me dinner and now you’re dressed in some of the best lingerie i’ve ever seen, plus you got your pussy in my lap. that’s as good as it gets, baby.” paige answers you, pinching your nipple between two of her fingers and smirking when you sigh and lick at your already glossy lips.
“only the best for you,” you start, pulling her hand away from your lips and toying at the waistband of her underwear, ready for those to come off too.
when her bottom half is completely bare you reach for the vibrators on the bed. 
“take off your bra.” you demand, raising an eyebrow at your girlfriend whilst putting some more distance between the two.
she complies easily and now she is beneath you, completely naked. a slight sheen of sweat on her chest that’s rising and falling a little quicker than before. she’s nervous.
you down and place a hand on her hip while you tongue at her nipples, they’re already hard from being exposed to the air in your bedroom. you don’t miss how pretty she sounds when she lets out a whine, her hand securing itself on the back of your head to hold you closer if even possible. 
“for once i just want to please you baby, i think this is the perfect way to make sure that we both get what we need. just lay back for me and enjoy yourself.” you utter into the empty silence, voice breathy while you sit up again and take one end of the toy, putting it in your mouth to wet.
paige’s mouth opens and she doesn’t say anything but you can tell she’s trying hard not to.
with the remote in your hand you immediately switch the speed to 2 and place it on the nipple that your mouth was on moments ago.
paige arches her back off the bed slightly, eyes immediately squeezing shut. this is already everything you want and you’re just getting started.
“fuck, baby what are you doing–“
“ah ah, remember just enjoy yourself, let me worry about what’s going on.” you shush her, circling her nipple with the vibrating bullet.
she looks beautiful under you like this. her cheeks are red, head thrown back in pleasure as her hips start to move beneath you on instinct.
“m-more, please i want more” she moans, lifting her head up, only to drop it again when she gets sight of you. 
your hair is a little messy from tossing your head side to side and the look in your eyes is sultry. plus you’ve got a vibrator held onto her nipple and she swears she can see a wet spot on her skin from you rutting against her. if it was possible she would’ve cum just from watching you touch her.
“more? what do you want? baby you have to tell me.” you taunt, already gripping the other end of the vibrator in your free hand.
“i’m so wet, i know you can feel it. t-touch me? please? mmmh–“ she cuts herself off when she feels the vibrations on her nipple intensify. the speed was now at 3…and then it was at 4.
“you’re even prettier when you beg p, have i ever told you that?”
“n-no, fuck” she hisses.
“well, you’re usually so in control. i just have to say i love seeing you like this.”
with a light touch you trace some shapes on the outside of her thigh before spreading her legs, your eyes immediately drawn to the wet spot underneath her on her bed. 
“you weren’t lying baby, you’re already making a mess and i haven’t even done anything yet.” you don’t give her much time to say anything in response, gathering all the spit into your mouth and pushing it from your lips so that it lands on her clit in a glob. it’s nasty, just how you both like it and paige lets out another surprisingly high pitched noise. her hole clenching around nothing.
sitting back on your heels between her legs you take your hand that’s holding the vibrator to her nipple and you switch sides. when you see how puffy and red the one that was previously receiving attention is, you almost feel bad, but that feeling doesn’t last long. 
while paige is trying to catch her breath you take the other end of the vibrator and start tracing circles around her clit, before pulling it away again. she cries out, realizing that you were going to keep teasing her.
landing a smack on her hip to get her to drop them down towards the bed again you drag the bullet up and down the length of her pussy, your eyes never leaving her face as she was putting on a show.
“mmm– please just do something baby, anything. i don’t know how much more of this i can take.” paige whines, then reaches out for you. you lean away from her touch.
“you’re good with the safe word?” you ask, tone a little more serious than you intended.
“yes of course baby, just– OH FUCK!”
before she can say anything else you’re pushing the bullet into her fluttering hole, holding in a moan at how tight she is.
“how’s that?” you tease, completely inserting the toy.
“shit– it’s perfect baby,”
“i bet.”
pulling away the end of the vibrator that was on her nipple you lean down again to take it in your mouth. once more she’s cradling your head, this time a little harder. she wants you close, it’s cute.
using little force you pump the bullet into her, listening for her sounds of satisfaction. 
pulling off of her nipple with a pop you watch as she fights to pry her eyes open.
“baby, k-kiss me?” she says, or rather pleads.
your heart beats faster at how desperate she sounds. you grant her the kiss and it’s hot, sloppy, and leaves a string of spit between the two of you when you pull away while she chases after you with her lips.
“my god p, you’re such a good girl for me. who would’ve thought?” you whisper right in her face, smirking a little as she huffs in disappointment when you lean back and away from her again.
“i’ll be a good girl for you any time you want baby, just please don’t stop.” she groans, gushing around the toy inside of her.
“oh really, any time? you promise?” 
an image flashes in your head and before you can think about it too much you’re releasing paige’s leg from your grip, pulling the vibrator out of her and increasing the speed to 5. you pull your left leg up and drape it over her right, almost in a split, pulling the vibrator out of her and pressing it down on her clit with a good amount of pressure. 
her upper half jolts once again, as she raises her head just in time to watch you press your clit down on the vibrator as well, sandwiching it between the two of you.
paige almost screams when you put your entire weight down. your own jaw falls slack and you throw your head back, squeezing your eyes shut.
“p, oh my god– FUCK i can’t believe i thought of this. you’re doing so good, my messy baby. i wish you could see yourself right now.”
leaning down to smack a wet kiss in the middle of her chest you grab the remote in your free hand and turn up the speed to 6. whimpering and crying out into paige’s skin that’s beneath your lips. another loud whine leaves the back of her throat, followed by a grunt and a string of curses.
“i-i can’t”
“you can.”
you use her mouth to wet two of your fingers, she sucks on them sloppily, barely able to focus on the action due to the intense pressure on her clit from both you and the vibrator. you pull them from her lips, with a pop, before you trail them down to between her thighs, circling her hole one last time with your fingertips.
“SHIT– i’m so close baby” paige yelps, starting to huff her breaths out faster when she feels you pressing down harder, using your weight to move the shiny bullet against the both of you slightly. 
she attempts to close her legs around your hand and fails due to the position you were in.
“i know pretty girl i know, m-me too, just hold out a little more hmm?”
turning the vibrator to its highest speed of 7 you pump your middle and ring finger into paige, choking on your own breath at the feeling of her clenching around you and the bullet beneath you violating your clit at this point. 
paige lets out a sob, bringing one of her arms to cover her face. you reach up with the hand that’s not inside of her and rip her arm back. you watch her intently, tears hot and heavy on her cheeks blurring her vision.
“fuck–, paige you look so perfect when you cry.”
“it hurts so good baby, don’t stop“
“you’re close aren’t you? give it to me, cmon, i’m right there with you. i want all you’ve got.”
at this point you have no idea what’s coming out of your mouth but you don’t give a fuck, trying to hold onto your orgasm intending for the girl underneath you to finish first.
and finish she did. smacking your hand off of her arm she reaches down to hold your hips still against her own, tears falling rapidly from her eyes now. 
you don’t know if she’s just really spent or if it’s you that’s spent because you can’t register the words coming out of her mouth while she’s riding out her high. except the last three she matters as soon as you pull your fingers from her leaking cunt.
“i love you”
this sends you over the edge and you have to use every little bit of strength left in you not to collapse directly into paige. 
moaning pornography as your hole spasms around nothing you can only withstand the vibrator for another millisecond before you reach down to snatch it off of the two of you.
you do actually fall onto paige after this but she’s starting to catch her breath now so she welcomes you with open arms, still panting loudly.
you lay a mess between her legs with your head on her chest and your body trembling a little.
when you calm down enough you crane your neck to get a glimpse of your girlfriend. your hand instinctively reaching up to wipe the remainder of tears from her face.
“p, you did so well for me baby. thank you for letting me try that with you” you whisper, pecking her chest gently.
she doesn’t open her eyes, you assume she probably can’t after the amount of energy that orgasm must’ve exerted from her. but she replies nonetheless.
“i already told you, i’ll do anything for you anytime you want. all you have to do is ask.” 
“yeah yeah whatever, just kiss me and go to sleep.”
she actually does open her eyes. they’re glossed over and a little red and puffy from the crying but just as you had mentioned earlier, she looked so gorgeous. 
lifting her head just enough to meet you halfway she slots her lips against your own. the entire moment is so sweet, your entire body feels warm again. the thought of this girl being yours for the rest of your life crosses your mind.
when you pull back you’ve got a goofy grin on your face and you rest your head back on her chest before letting out a deep breath and closing your eyes again. 
paige’s body moves a little and you recognize the motion as her chuckling, before she opens her mouth one final time.
“i can’t wait to use that toy on you next. only. on you.”
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theflickersystem · 8 months ago
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fighting all the other self shippers in a little ring to the death because i am. possessive.
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akanemnon · 2 months ago
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That's two jailbreaks in one day!
FIRST - PREVIOUS - NEXT
MASTERPOST (for the full series / FAQ / reference sheets)
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pestercide · 1 year ago
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lilowoof · 6 months ago
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ngl gamers, I think I'm gonna inevitably lose to the hormones and depression in the near future XD
Can't bring myself to be active cause I'm using a lot of energy to not vent post all the time. But fuck it, into the tags I go!
#I want NO MESSAGES regarding this. let me just be upset and alone#you spend most of your life trying to not succumb to sick brain but honestly I don't think it's worth it in the long run#my life is for better or worse....decent. but I've lost the drive and happiness to really DO anything a long time ago. like whats the point#the only reason I havent killed myself yet is cause Im too lazy (and dont have access to a gun for a quick getaway)#and I'm saying all this DESPITE having stuff to look forward to in the near future. it's like AUGH whats the POINT IM always gonna suffer#why does mental health take such a toll on ppl. this shit sucks ass. and I still feel excited for things in the future too? somehow?#but I also really want to die so. idk man. idk. maybe if I fall in love with someone then I can be distracted but all my walls are up#what's the point in anything anymore. *I* have to take the steps to improve myself and my situation#and I'd rather die. anyways who wants to make a pact that once we reach 40 we will marry each other#that might be fun#also my brain has gotten so bad that I am literally considering joining a hiking club to get out more and I FUCKING HATE HIKING#but I should probably do something out of my comfort zone to push myself and who knows maybe I will find a new passion#but let me tell you about the anxiety - oh BOY it's starting to act up again. hahahha#ah well sometimes you just need to scream your feelings out in the tags to get a lil clarity from the brain fog#one day I will fucking die/kill myself but for now I'll just try to make the best out of. whatever the hell this stupid life is. *shrug*#(but hey if any professional hitmen are reading this. feel free to. heh. you know ;) )#also I need to get back to art#gotta do my paid work and that one pic I lined months ago. and clay stuff *continues to bed rot another week because hahahahahahaha*#ah I wish I didn't fail all those years ago. then I would be free. I wish I was free#ok goodnight I promised myself that I would do paid work when I wake up tomorrow so hopefully no more migraines -pray emoji-
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toastspirit · 17 days ago
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the ‘every problem I’ve had’ doc is almost at 5000 words and there’s still a lot of stuff I could add. yippee…?
#it is nice because I’m doing a lot of self reflection#some of it feels good#some of it feels like an explanation for something I’ve never quite understood about myself (origin points for traits I have now)#some of it just makes me sad#man..#I could have been a lot less miserable growing up#if I was given more support#…or any support that actually benefited me#my parents did things that THEY thought were supportive that didn’t benefit me at best#or they made me feel worse ;w;#and they didn’t respect me as a human being (y’know classic child-parent relationship)#so if I tried to ask for explanations/tell them things that I explicitly didn’t like them doing to me#I was brushed off#they told me that they did these things because they loved me#but I usually just felt hurt by their actions#anyways! now I am very bad with regulating AND expressing my emotions!!!#I’ve been actively working on it but this is many years of damage to undo so#hopefully I’ll be better in the future#hopefully ill be able to tell people I love them too#without being scared that they’ll hurt me#because I always had to verbally tell my parents I loved them when they said it first or they’d get upset#and this is going to sound horrible#but I didn’t really?? mean it when I said it to them????#I do love my parents but I usually don’t. verbally tell people that I love them often#which I would. like to do. I would like to tell people when I care about them#and I do love a lot of my friends#but I spent a very long time only saying the words I love you to people that (unintentionally) hurt me quite a bit#mostly emotionally! sometimes it was physical though!#but now I’m scared that if I tell people I love them they’ll end up hurting me because that’s the only personal association I feel with it#also vulnerability in general terrifies me for similar reasons. trusting my parents ALWAYS came back to bite me in the ass
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lichbutch · 25 days ago
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blegh
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voiceshearingyouloud · 1 month ago
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Finally properly sobbing after not being able to cry all day is such a great feeling
#long distance is actually so terrible I’m dying over here#you might be like ‘anne you’ve been in an ldr for three years now how are you not used to it?’#and the answer is that the pain gets worse every time! and the most annoying thing is that usually it peaks the first night apart and goes#easier from there; but if my mental health is bad enough in other areas it will stick around for up to two weeks which I can already tell i#happening. so that’s good#and as you may remember from me posting about it; things were a little rocky for a while because of my OCD as well as me just being a#terrible person. not really; I need to speak to myself with kindness#but also I think I’m just a bad person. like just through and through not a good person#not that I really think good or bad people exist it’s just everyone does some harm and some good and you can’t nearly divide that into good#or bad#or at least that’s what I tell myself when I think back on the shitty things I’ve done#which is a lot.#but long story short my idiocy did not cause them to dump me even though they easily could have#anyway fuck I just miss my partner and it’s unfair they’re not holding me in this moment#now I just have to keep making amends and working on myself so I don’t do it in the future. I didn’t cheat if anyone’s wondering; I feel#we’re gonna call later anyway so hopefully that will help. and I do feel better for sobbing#like that’s always my assumption when other people blog like this lol#apologies for the tag rant but it is my own post lol#this isn’t even mentioning my academic stress because that does feel secondary to the everything else#because I think I get like a camouflage worry where my brain will tell me I’m freaking out about school#but really it’s a cover for the really painful stuff underneath#anyway. this too shall pass and no emotion is forever and I will see my partner again and we’ll have a long life together :-)#anne speaks
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moon--kiss · 4 months ago
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throwing away stuff from a past life is so weird
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canon-gabriel-quotes · 1 year ago
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I have been exporting the audio wrong this whole time I- anyway. All posts from here on will have the correct setting :)
*edit. The post right before this does have the correct settings and the new equalizer stuff. If it sounds slightly better, that’s why.
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moinsbienquekaworu · 6 months ago
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Worked on a ref for my fursona 🎉
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theheadlessgroom · 1 year ago
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@beatingheart-bride
"Ah, a little hot water and makeup remover can go a long way," Beau chuckled-while there was no particular rush to get it off (as Mrs. Gracey was off tending to something else and wasn't likely to return to her boudoir just yet, nor go looking for her son), he still wished to be thorough, and so he got to work, sitting the pair down with a couple of washcloths and a bowl of hot water, alternating between the water and a few dabs of makeup remover to clean them up.
"Randall was very well-behaved about getting cleaned up-if very, very apologetic," the majordomo continued, remembering soothing the boy as he profusely apologized (and asked him not to tell his mother, which Beau promised to do), before saying, "Dorian, on the other hand, was a bit fussier-he wanted to play at being a clown a little longer."
At this, Dorian didn't deny it, instead smiling bashfully, saying, "For my birthday that year, Beau bought me a small makeup kit that would allow me to properly be a clown-which I immediately shared with Randall, of course, we took turns making each other up before doing tricks on the lawn, trying to do all the pratfalls and handstands and other bits of physical comedy, like at the circus...I remember Mother looking a bit sour at that gift."
"Yes, she did not approve," Beau admitted with a small sigh-neither Gracey parent seemed to approve of anything the head butler gave their son as a gift-whether it was because he was encouraging him to be anything but a straight-laced heir or because they were bitter that Dorian liked Beau's gifts (which were more tailored to his actual interests) more than others, Beau could never decide. At any rate, their silent disapproval never stopped him, and Dorian was glad for it-at least someone paid attention to him.
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girlivealwaysbean · 7 days ago
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i was praised and loved for being the most low maintenance kid in a family with three kids and now i try to make myself as small and insignificant as possible and yet
#yet my bestfriend loves her ex more than me#the ex who's so clingy and calls her like 20 times in a minute#she told me today that she was at her sisters sleepover so i was immediately like oh oh okay I'll hang up#we can talk tomorrow no biggie and#she always told me stories of how her bf would ruin her sleepovers by calling constantly and getting mad at her purposely#so she'd spent the entire night saying sorry to him convincing him#hell she's done that at my house too#even tho we talk very nicely and it's very fun and all i can't help but think im losing her#our paths keep diverging more and more how long can we keep this up#hanging out with that girl really taught me that me atleast definitely need that kind of friend who i talk to everyday#and who wants to talk to me everyday too about nonsensical things and laugh and cry together#im so disappointed in myself i convinced my dad to put me in the best tuition this city had to offer and then i didn't go#because a girl didn't like watching hasee toh phasee with me and I gave up so quick#i need to be thicker skinned man let the people who want to leave leave and constantly invite more people#and if they stay then good and if they leave then okay too but it shouldn't completely change my life#but now idk what to do i made a commitment to my dad to live there and i have to anyway#because I can't live here alone im tired of eating improper food at night and he definitely won't let mom leave#and i have no hopes from her she has never in my life succeeded in bettering her life so why would she now#and anyway he bought so much expensive gym equipment for me as bribery to make me stay#and i get so depressed that days pass and I donf even notice but I can't do that in front of him he needs me to#pretend to be cheery and happy literally every day so i try so hard to focus on that that i forget my own emotions#my god what will happen to me in the future when im living alone i really hope I won't be lying home exhausted from work#just watching the days pass by#sometimes i think. i totally get the appeal of alcohol. it really made me forget everything when i drank and dance#even if im drinking and watching tv it feels better. sometimes i have this crazy thought thay when i live alone I'll keep it#stocked up and I'll drink it everyday and I'll never be sad and then i get so scared. like why am i fantasizing about that 😭#i used to think addicts were weak and lying when i was a kid but god now i do understand. this world is kinda unlivable right#well atleast if you don't have the right people around you.#oh god i dont know ill try to study a lot when i go there and hopefully I'll forget about everything else#one day at a time baby why do i keep forgetting
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steampoweredskeleton · 1 month ago
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Ignore
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caluupin · 8 months ago
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oh yeah im almost finished with the tea time nacl art now (vv late ik) so yeah probs tmr that i'll,post it. yippee
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supportgaza · 6 months ago
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From Gaza to Ireland: Out of the Fire of War to the Fire of Soul-Crushing Survival Guilt and Fear for my Family
Note: My main account (@mahmoudkhalafff) was unfortunately terminated by Tumblr for no reason. This is my back up account. Please continue to boost my campaign. We are too close!
At times of peace, having to be away from your family for months and years is a high price you pay for obtaining an academic degree or securing a better job. Imagine while you are away, they were trapped in a besieged strip of land and thousands of missiles rained down on that besieged area of 360 km² around the clock for almost 11 months. That would crush every cell of your mind and drive you crazy, wouldn't it?!
Imagine suddenly getting addicted to watching the news and the gory videos and pictures all the freaking time. You follow relevant social media pages that only show images, videos, and stories of entire families that were wiped out in an instant in an airstrike and deemed as collateral insignificant damage. While plunging deeper and deeper into an unprecedented state of acute depression, I wondered: how come all my suffering from displacement, fear, and hunger in Gaza for 5 months during the war before being evacuated to Ireland is nothing but a drop compared to my ocean of suffering now?
The constant thinking of my family in Gaza during the genocide and all the potential scenarios is consuming my sanity and mental health at a time in my life and a place where I am required to be 199% focused and productive. To give you a glimpse of my horrible psychological suffering these days: I fear going to sleep because I know horrible horrible nightmares are waiting for me on the other side. Some have to do with the horrors of wars I witnessed in Gaza myself and others relate to the horrible potential scenarios I keep thinking about.
Seeing the images and pictures of Gaza makes you think a thousand earthquakes hit every neighborhood of the Gaza Strip! Nothing and no one has been spared. The horrific war has turned the place into a hell on earth, unfortunately. How can young people have any hope for a better future seeing the mass destruction and the relentless Israeli efforts to stifle Gaza and squeeze hope out of its people as a form of collective punishment. How monstrous and heartless!!!
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Amid all this chaos and madness, my number one priority and focus is evacuating my family to Egypt as a first step and hopefully reuniting with them in Ireland at a later stage.
Please do consider helping me save my family by donating, reblogging, and sharing.
Note: Vetted by:
1. @el-shab-hussein and @nabulsi # 151 on the spreadsheet of Vetted Gaza Fundraisers List]
2. @riding-with-the-wild-hunt Here .
Tagging for reach <3
@riding-with-the-wild-hunt @ibtisams @vakarians-babe @90-ghost @sayruq @fairuzfan @sar-soor @fallahifag
@el-shab-hussein @taamarrud @humanvoicebox
@plomegranate @queerstudiesnatural @commissions4aid-international @nabulsi @stil-lindigo @soon-palestine @communistchilchuck @palestinegenocide @northgazaupdates2 @northgazaupdates @ghost-and-a-half @kyra45-helping-others @kyra45 @commissions4aid-international @feluka @appsa
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