#i will create world after world if you leave me there for too long
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Title: Weight of the Crown
Pairing: Ambessa Medarda x Reader
Summary: After a heated argument about Ambessaâs emotional distance ends in her accidentally hurting Reader.
Warnings: Neglect, angst, emotional distress, accidental physical harm and emotional withdrawal.
MEN & MINORS DNI: 18+ ONLY!!!
ââââââââââââââââââââââââ
The palace halls were quieter than usual.
You stood by the window, arms crossed tightly over your chest as you stared out over the marble courtyard. The silence between you and Ambessa had stretched thin over the past few weeks, fragile as glass. Youâd tried to tell yourself she was just busy. That running an empire demanded sacrifice. That her growing coldness wasnât intentional.
But tonight?
You couldnât keep it in anymore.
âIâm not asking for everything, Ambessa,â you said, voice strained. âJust something. A moment. A sign that Iâm still more than a fixture in your life.â
She didnât even look up from the scroll in her hands.
âThatâs unfair,â she muttered.
âWhatâs unfair is loving someone whoâs only present in theory.â
That got her attention. She turned, eyes hard.
âYou think this life is easy?â she snapped. âYou think I have the luxury of emotion every time you feel neglected?â
âItâs not about luxury, Ambessa⊠itâs about trying!â
Her voice thundered back. âAnd maybe I am trying. Maybe youâre just too fragile to see it.â
You flinched.
Her words cut sharper than any blade. But it was the way she stepped toward you, fist clenched, not to strike, but too fast, too furious, that made you instinctively step back and stumble. Your shoulder hit the edge of the stone table behind you. Hard.
Pain shot through your side.
She froze. Color drained from her face. âI didnât meanâŠâ
But you were already blinking through tears.
Not from the pain.
From the look on her face. From the realization that the one person who made you feel safest⊠had just made you feel small.
You didnât say anything.
Just turned and walked out.
Locked the door behind you.
âž»
Later That Night
She knocked for hours. Whispered apologies through the door. You lay curled on the bed, silent.
By morning, you opened it.
But you didnât return to her arms.
You passed her without a glance, lips pressed into a line, heart cracked open but sealed shut.
She reached for your hand.
You pulled away.
âDonât,â you said, calm and cold. âLetâs not pretend.â
Her eyes glistened with something dangerously close to grief.
But you let her sit with it.
Just like you had.
âž»
The palace hadnât changed, but Ambessa had.
Her posture was still proud, her commands still absolute, her image unshaken to the outside world. But behind closed doors, she was quieter. She hovered near you like a shadow, waiting for an opening that never came.
You ate meals across long tables in silence. Sheâd reach for your hand on occasion, once at dinner, another time in the garden but you gave her nothing but a glance. Not cruel. Just⊠indifferent.
She started sending flowers to your quarters. Rare desert blooms. Peonies from Piltover. A poem once, hand written and pressed between pages of a book she once caught you rereading.
You tucked them away.
Unopened.
Unburned.
You wanted her to feel the weight of what she had done, not just with her hands, but with her distance. The chasm she created.
And she did.
Ambessa was unraveling beneath your silence.
âž»
One Week Later
She stood in your doorway.
Rain tapped the stained glass like it was trying to fill the silence between you.
âI miss you,â she said finally, voice hoarse. âI miss your laugh. Your fire. Even your sharp tongue when I leave dishes in your study.â
You didnât look up from your journal. âThat version of me doesnât exist anymore.â
Ambessa stepped inside slowly.
âDo you hate me?â
You closed the book. âNo.â
That seemed to hurt more than yes.
Because if you didnât hate her⊠then your silence was deliberate.
âIâm sorry,â she said again. Sheâd said it a dozen times before, but this time her voice cracked. âI was scared. Of needing you too much. Of letting you see how much this crown costs me. But I shouldâve trusted you. I shouldâve neverâŠâ
She stopped herself.
You watched her, carefully. âYou shouldâve heard me.â
She nodded, shame dragging her shoulders low.
âI donât want you to beg, Ambessa. I want you to understand. That loving me comes with the cost of letting me in. Or youâll end up ruling alone⊠surrounded by silence.â
Ambessa stepped closer, but didnât touch you. âWhat do I do to earn you back?â
You stared at her for a long time.
âYou start over. Slowly. Honestly. Without power games. And you sit with the ache like I did.â
She nodded.
And for the first time in weeks⊠you let her sit beside you.
Not in forgiveness.
Not yet.
But in hope.
ââââââââââââââââââââââââ
#lesbian#wlw#arcane#ambessa league of legends#ambessa medarda#ambessa x reader#arcane ambessa#ambessa lol#ambessa fanfic#ambessa x you#ambessa#ambessa x y/n#ambessa chosen of the wolf#jbg
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Un coup de foudre (Tobias x Gabin)
SUMMARY: Gabin, during he and Tobiasâs early era, thinking back on his VERY FIRST impression of Tobias that day at the press conference; a longform version of what was going through Gabinâs head during the one shot of him sitting up.
Un coup de foudre // lightning strike // love at first sight
This is the first piece of fanfic Iâve ever posted (I havenât even been approved for ao3 yet) so please be kind! But I just couldnât help it and had to write it out. Please leave a comment and tell me what you think <3
[[image of Gabinâs view of Tobias at the end]]
tw: brief dr*g mention
+=+=+
Shit. Shit, shit, shit.
Gabin wasnât dumb, and he definitely wasnât too dumb to realize what was happening to him. He had been happy to be in willful denial at first â that it was professional interest, a leg up, an angle on his career and nothing more. And it had worked, for a time. Until it didnât.
He knew he had been pouting the day of the press conference, after GeneviĂšve dismissed his requests (and emails, and voicemails, and voice notes) about going to New York as part of the swap. Always overlooked, always unappreciated. He had come from another morning rehearsal where the Ă©toiles with their long graceful limbs â he would never forgive his mother for her wretched, tiny genes â had pranced about in front of him. He was a ballet dancer in one of the best companies in the world, and that morning his foot had fallen asleep from disuse.
Heâd shown up to the press conference mostly out of obligation. Word on the street was that the swap was just for a few ballerinas â like Mishi Duplessis, who Gabin was vaguely aware was some ministerâs daughter â who would mostly be dancing solos⊠and the choreographer.
Gabin lazed to the side on the stiff risers, working a kink out in the back of his calf. The choreographer had arrived two minutes before the conference, much to GeneviĂšveâs dismay. If he hadnât had the reputation he did â he was hot stuff in America, everyone said â Gabin would have said he looked like un enfant being dropped off at auditions for a school play he didnât want to act in. But surely, that impression was off. This choreographer would be another in a long line of pleasant assholes, with a vision that didnât include Gabin and eyes that slid right over him, writing him into the backdrop.
It didnât matter that this one seemed to be twitchier than a ferret, so twitchy that Gabin noticed his back muscles jumping through his blazer. Maybe he was one of the cokehead ones, the choreos who debuted enough wonky, faux-deep pieces to get to the level of a landing a guest gig or two at Le Ballet National â right about the level where you started to be offered a lot more party favors â and burned up all their genius neurons on white powder within a few years. You could usually rely on the Americans for those types.
âTobias Bell,â GeneviĂšve was saying.
As GeneviĂšve spoke, Gabin rested his eyes on the choreographerâs floppy hair. It wasnât bad hair, if in an outdated cut. Gabin thought, viciously, that he was sure heâd see enough of the back of this well-conditioned head as the new choreographer ignored him in rehearsal, like Darius, Pierre, Sven â just another who refused to see him. Only GeneviĂšve did. Sometimes.
âTobias,â said GeneviĂšve. âAre you cooking up something sensational for us?â
Now, Gabin thought, the ferret-man would speak, something about bringing American energy to the French stage, that tickets were on sale now, that he was invigorated to be part of such a historic artistic collaboration, yawn, yawn, yawn...
âDo you guys not have Crest toothpaste?â
Gabin blinked.
âI just really need my personal things in order before I create.â
Gabin leaned up a notch onto his knee, carefully, not quite believing what he was hearing.
âOtherwise, itâs chaos. And Iâd really like to take a showerââ
âThank you, Tobias,â GeneviĂšve cut in, and the floppy hair fell silent.
Gabin stared. What was that? Someone behind him tittered, but Gabin wasnât convinced. There had to be something else going on here. Something that this odd man â this Tobias Bell they traded Cheyenne for â wasnât showing. Maybe âtoothpasteâ was American slang, or code for something (coke, perhaps?).
Gabin dismissed the idea that the man really hadnât showered since he got to Paris â what, four days ago? When the choreographer had walked past him to get to his microphone, he had smelled fine. Musky, masculine, like Gabin liked. Sweat and a hint of sandalwood. So that bit, at least, had to have been a joke.
Performance art, then? Either way, Gabin didnât take his eyes off the floppy stars-&-stripes scarecrow, even when the operaâs bull barreled in front of the podium and the hair jumped six feet into the air.
As he wandered off the plaza as the TV crew packed up, Gabin had resolved to get to the bottom of it. Surely this choreographer would come to company class tomorrow to watch the dancers and choose some for his ballet. Heâd seek Tobias Bell out after class, make sure to introduce himself before he could be overlooked. Get this man to size him up, prove to him the skills heâd be missing out on. Yes, Gabin remembered thinking, heâd seek him out...
Now, it had been a month of working on the new ballet with Tobias, a month of arguing over costumes and jumps into the night and having to take the late bus that made nine extra stops, a month of being more tired than heâd ever been â but being seen. Being valued, for his lines and his feet and his willingness to always go again until it was right, and all he had to do was ignore the small voice, the one saying that heâd like to not be he seen only as a dancer... Sweat, sandalwood, and what he now knew had been a definitively unwashed American. He had been fucked from that point on.
Shit, shit, shit.

#etoile#tobias x gabin#gabias#tobin#tv: etoile#tobias bell#gabin roux#gideon glick#ivan du pontavice#gabias fanfic#tobias x gabin fanfic#cheyenne toussaint#jack x cheyenne
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the way you play Lotus is a level of RP dedication that I simply could never achieve but Iâm glad someoneâs out there doing it good job
this is exactly what everyone has told me ever DBSJJSNSKS i swear im not as annoying in rp game things with other people but when its solo?? anything can happen. anything.
#cuz like theres no one here but me and my mind#that is DANGEROUS territory#i will create world after world if you leave me there for too long#but i also come out with so much creative content so itâs kinda worth it!!!#bg3#baldur's gate 3#ask bob
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Tips for writing flawed but lovable characters.
Flawed characters are the ones we root for, cry over, and remember long after the story ends. But creating a character whoâs both imperfect and likable can feel like a tightrope walk.Â
1. Flaws That Stem From Their Strengths
When a characterâs greatest strength is also their Achilles' heel, it creates depth.
Strength: Fiercely loyal.
Flaw: Blind to betrayal or willing to go to dangerous extremes for loved ones.
âSheâd burn the whole world down to save her sisterâeven if it killed her.â
2. Let Their Flaws Cause Problems
Flaws should have consequencesâmessy, believable ones.
Flaw: Impatience.
Result: They rush into action, ruining carefully laid plans.
âI thought I could handle it myself,â he muttered, staring at the smoking wreckage. âGuess not.â
3. Show Self-Awarenessâor Lack Thereof
Characters who know theyâre flawed (but struggle to change) are relatable. Characters who donât realize their flaws can create dramatic tension.
A self-aware flaw: âI know I talk too much. Itâs just⊠silence makes me feel like Iâm disappearing.â A blind spot: âWhat do you mean I always have to be right? Iâm just better at solving problems than most people!â
4. Give Them Redeeming Traits
A mix of good and bad keeps characters balanced.
Flaw: Theyâre manipulative.
Redeeming Trait: They use it to protect vulnerable people.
âYes, I lied to get him to trust me. But he wouldâve died otherwise.â
Readers are more forgiving of flaws when they see the bigger picture.
5. Let Them GrowâBut Slowly
Instant redemption feels cheap. Characters should stumble, fail, and backslide before they change.
Early in the story: âI donât need anyone. Iâve got this.â
Midpoint: âOkay, fine. Maybe I could use some help. But donât get used to it.â
End: âThank you. For everything.â
The gradual arc makes their growth feel earned.
6. Make Them Relatable, Not Perfect
Readers connect with characters who feel humanâmessy emotions, bad decisions, and all.
A bad decision: Skipping their best friendâs wedding because theyâre jealous of their happiness.
A messy emotion: Feeling guilty afterward but doubling down to justify their actions.
A vulnerable moment: Finally apologizing, unsure if theyâll be forgiven.
7. Use Humor as a Balancing Act
Humor softens even the most prickly characters.
Flaw: Cynicism.
Humorous side: Making snarky, self-deprecating remarks that reveal their softer side.
âLove? No thanks. Iâm allergic to heartbreakâand flowers.â
8. Avoid Overdoing the Flaws
Too many flaws can make a character feel unlikable or overburdened.
Instead of: A character whoâs selfish, cruel, cowardly, and rude.
Try: A character whoâs selfish but occasionally shows surprising generosity.
âDonât tell anyone I helped you. I have a reputation to maintain.â
9. Let Them Be Vulnerable
Vulnerability adds layers and makes flaws understandable.
Flaw: Theyâre cold and distant.
Vulnerability: Theyâve been hurt before and are terrified of getting close to anyone again.
âItâs easier this way. If I donât care about you, then you canât leave me.â
10. Make Their Flaws Integral to the Plot
When flaws directly impact the story, they feel purposeful rather than tacked on.
Flaw: Their arrogance alienates the people they need.
Plot Impact: When their plan fails, theyâre left scrambling because no one will help them.
Flawed but lovable characters are the backbone of compelling stories. They remind us that imperfection is humanâand that growth is possible.
#writerblr#writers#creative writing#creative writing tips#Writing tips#fanfiction#fanfic writing#Fanfic writer#fanfiction writing#fiction writing#writing#am writing#tumblr writing community#writers on tumblr#writing advice#fic writing#writing community#writing inspo#writers on ao3#writers on ao3 writers on tumblr#AO3 fic#ao3 writing community#writing stuff#wip#writers block#writer things#writer life#writer struggles#writing help#xyywrites
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à©â©â§âËwe canât be friends đ€ xavier æć à©â©â§âË
RE-UPLOAD! The original post didnât show up in the tags, sorry for the confusion :c
pairing à©â©: xavier x reader
summary à©â©: you and xavier had been best friends for years, nearly inseparable since the moment you met. But after one slightly drunken night, everything shifted: you became friends with benefits. You told yourself you could handle it, but as time went on, your heart began to ache. You had to end it, for your own sake. You were in love with him, but you couldn't shake the painful truth: you believed heâd never feel the same. Still, what if, all this time, while you were trying to push him away, he was quietly hoping to show you how perfect you two were together?
word count à©â©: 12k. omg. itâs LONG, long. grab some snacks and let me entertain you for a while!!
tropes à©â©: 18+, smut, best friends with benefits, miscommunication, unrequited love, not really tho, angst, angst with happy ending, plot with porn, love confessions, needy xavier, obsessed xavier, domestic xavier, i suck at giving tropes i swear i will get better someday, desperate xavier, everything is consensual, the consumption of alcohol mentioned, pet names, xavier was once in love with mc but the myths are not canon in this one!!
authorâs note à©â©: GUYS this oneâs IT. This idea was blooming slowly in my mind for quite some time. I really hope youâll like it đ„č also, please be gentle with me, iâm not a native speaker of english and Iâm definitely not a writer. I like to think that everything i create is just fueled by my passionate delulu. please let me know if you liked it and if maybe youâd like to read part 2!! ⥠enjoy your reading!!
!!do NOT read if youâre not 18+!!
à©â©â§âËÂ
It all started with the simplest of touches.
Your hands grazed, as if by accident. Then your eyes met. He grabbed you by your forearm, or maybe you grabbed him, everything was so blurry in your mind. A touch on a waist, a hand on a chest, and a sudden clash of your lips. You saw fireworks exploding in your mind, sending pleasant thrumming throughout your whole body.
Desperate touches. Rapid breaths. A whisper, maybe two. He said something. What did he say? The sound of your heart was the only thing you could hear.
Your dress came off. You felt lips. Lips marking every part of your body, leaving behind wet paths that made the exposed skin shiver due to the coolness of the air. He went down. Down. Down, and looked at you expectantly. Your head never nodded that quickly and it probably never will again. You saw stars. Millions and millions of them, shimmering under your closed eyelids. He grabbed your hand and put it into his hair. You caressed it gently, savoring the softness of it.
Then, you saw his eyes. Beautiful, deep blues that looked far too innocent for what he did and what he was about to do with you next. He kissed you again and again, and again, and he held you close throughout the whole night, making you shiver, moan, cry, beg â until you fell asleep from exhaustion right in the safety of his arms. He turned your world upside down.
And then came the next morning, when you began to question the entire ordeal. You panicked, thinking about your friendship that you valued the most and Xavier, whom you just couldnât bear to lose. However, when you wanted to put it past you, to blame the alcohol consumed that night, act as if it was just a slip of your judgment, a mistake, a reaction caused by the need of intimacy after being single for a long time, he wasnât having it. He said that he couldnât forget about it, that it changed things, and you blurted out the first thing that came into your mind. You proposed the whole arrangement.
And thatâs how, after several months, your relationship with Xavier stayed clear and technically uncomplicated. Friends with benefits. You thought that even if that night did change things, then in this way you could act as if it wasnât a big deal to you. In this way, you wouldnât have to lose him, wouldnât make things awkward. You still acted normally in front of each other, you continued to spend time in almost the same way you were before that faithful night, but with one drastic change.
Almost every encounter since that night ended with you in his bed or the other way around. Hours and hours spent in each otherâs embrace, touching and feeling too much, all at once.
And said feelings were what made you finally decide that you couldnât do this anymore. You couldnât continue sharing with him this intimacy, pretending that everything between you remained unchanged. You couldnât do this anymore, knowing that it was all that youâll ever get from him, despite being in love with him for so long.
You knew that he would never reciprocate your feelings. You knew that from the beginning, from the very first touch of your fingertips that night, but you foolishly thought that having him close for as long as he wanted you, would be enough for you. Even if he wanted you only for your body, because you were the easiest choice.
However, your heart was breaking every time you were reminded of one significant fact, a harsh reality that felt like a bucket of cold water in your face.
He will never love you. Because you were not her.
And you will never be.
*à©â©â§âË
You already had a strategy to end the arrangement. You wanted to take it slow, step by step, with just a bit of pain on your side. You knew it wasn't your best plan, but it was a plan nonetheless. You wanted to end the friends-with-benefits arrangement in a way that would make you both slowly, almost naturally, drift apartâso subtly that he wouldn't even notice the change. As for you, you were ready to bear the painful consequences of your actions, if it saved you from the excruciating pain of a broken heart later.
You started with avoiding his kisses.
And it turned out to be a tough job to do, because you didnât realize before how much of a kisser Xavier became during your friends-with-benefits situation. It never really bothered you before, you always accepted every single kiss with content. However, during your last meeting, you were trying so hard to avoid his lips, and noticed that he made it into an almost impossible task.
When you went out one night, he wanted to kiss you three times during hot pot, even though you were sitting across from each other. You thought that the sitting situation was enough of an obstacle, but you quickly learned that he always somehow managed to find a chance to try to steal a kiss. That not only bewildered you, but also made you blush so hard that you had to blame the spicy food for it to not look suspicious. Yet, you managed to stay your ground and ignored his needy attempts at capturing your lips.
You also avoided his lips while you were later watching a movie in his apartment, by pretending that you didnât see or feel his constant gaze on you. You thought that maybe if he saw that the movie engaged you so much, he would finally drop the attempts. Unfortunately, your plan failed the moment his patience thinned, when he started kissing your neck while cradling your body to his. He was grabbing at you almost desperately and you really couldnât escape from every single kiss he was giving you, no matter how much you tried to. And you really tried to.
âWhyâwhy are you turning your face away? A-Ah⊠Let me look at y-youâmmm.â He said between his moans, and he never once stopped thrusting inside you. It was the day when he took you on a sofa between his soft, plushy pillows with the movie still playing in the background. Your legs were laying on his shoulder, his both hands holding onto them tightly while his hips thrust deep inside you, making you gasp in pleasure. When you didnât respond and kept your head away, hoping that he would finally stop with his relentless kisses, his hand gently grabbed your face and turned it towards his so that your eyes met. He smiled softly, his cheeks pink and face damp. âYes, there you are. You feel good? You wanna break?â He almost slurred and you adored how quickly he was loosing himself with you, how much he was losing his composure. When you squeezed your eyes, moaning at a harder thrust and shook your head no, he whimpered. Next thing you knew, he lowered your legs onto the sofa and lay between them, bringing his body closer to yours. Your chests touched and you could feel his rapid heartbeat, mirroring the rhythm of your own. He nudged your head, which was still turned to the side, with his nose.
âGive me a kiss, câmon, starlight.â He kissed your cheek, slowing down his thrusts to a lazy, delicate ones. âI couldnât get a kiss all day, I need it. Let me.â And when you saw his eyes, full of desperation and something that reminded you of adoration, you couldnât keep denying him. Your lips touched his and he didnât let go of them until you came, and later when he began growling straight into your mouth, chasing his own undoing.
It was the last time you met up, and after that you decided that you had to cut it off completely. You couldnât continue being with him like this, not when you knew that he already loved someone else. Being with him this close messed with your head. You didnât want to feel like a convenient second choice and you couldnât help but feel that your meetings were slowly becoming more and more intimate. You had to constantly remind yourself that you werenât together. You made sure to label the change in your relationship properly at the start of the arrangement â still on friendly terms, with occasional mutual pleasure. But the close proximity and constant intimacy started to make the lines blurry in your mind.
And your heart couldnât take it anymore, it hurt every time you reminded yourself that he didnât reciprocate your feelings, and that he never will.
After that movie night you decided that the next step to your goal would be to stop engaging in small talk with him, especially the one that occurred at work.
You worked together at the Hunterâs Association, he was one of the best Hunters out there, and you specialized in weapon modification from the safety of your own desk. You wanted to be a hunter once, but with your Evol involving micromodification you guessed that you could be needed in a position that involved working with weaponry. After working there for years, you were passionate about your work and elated to have a job you loved and where you thrived while helping others to the best of your abilities.
Thus, because of the shared place of employment, you saw Xavier almost every day. He was often near your desk, passing by it, putting snacks before you or teasing you with that soft smile of his. So, cutting the contact out there was one of the toughest jobs for you, but it had to be done.
When you knew that he would be free, you found a task that needed completion in other departments, so that you will not cross paths. Often, instead of others coming to you to fix their weapons, you proposed to make the trip instead. In this way you were always quick on your feet, going from department to department, back to the workshop and again to the othersâ desks. You didnât mind the extra activity, it made you think less about your breaking heart.
And when Xavier managed to catch you from time to time, because he always somehow would, you were trying to appear too busy even for a small conversation.
âWhere are you rushing off to again? I didnât manage to talk to you these past few days.â He said one day when he caught you by your elbow while you were going out of the bathroom. He mustâve seen you go in there and wait for you to come out. He brought you a little closer to himself and looked at your face so intently, that you got scared he could see right through you.
âSorry Xai, Iâm just really busy lately.â You answered, maybe too quickly, and were trying to calm your beating heart upon seeing him so close again. Too close. It didnât help that he was in his hunterâs uniform, that made him look twice as dreamy. You were so close that you could also smell his comforting scent and see the small scar on his cheek that he got last year after you two tried ice skating for the first time.
The first and the last, for it appeared that you were much better at it than he would ever be, and you wanted to avoid him getting hurt again. It was also before your friends-with-benefits situation, when your friendship was pure and healthy. Your heart squeezed remembering how he grabbed your hand then, and how tightly he used to hold it throughout the whole activity.
âXavier, are you sure you donât want to go back home already? Iâm afraid that your cut will scar if we leave it like that.â You said, looking at the band aid on his cheek, the only remedy for his small injury that you could provide at that time.
He squeezed your hand and still appeared sheepish after his fall. You secretly found him adorable, you never saw him doing something in which he didnât excel in. It was as if he let you see a part of himself that no one had ever seen before. That thought made your chest warmer.
âNo. I wonât let the ice defeat me.â He said surely and you knew that he wonât give up, even if his legs already visibly trembled from exhaustion. You let out a sigh. âBesides, youâre holding my hand now, so I feel much safer.â He looked at you, his voice soft and cheeks red, most likely from the cold air. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state made you completely overcome by the feeling of tenderness, and you send him a huge smile, thinking that it was the first time he relied on your protection, and not the other way around.
Little did you know that this smile would catch him by surprise so much that he slipped backwards, this time pulling you down with him. However, your reflexes slightly worked, because you managed to put your hand behind his head, shielding it from the impact with ice. You landed on him with a groan as his hands moved to pull your body closer.
âOh god, Xai, are you okay? How did that happen?â You asked him, trying to lift yourself off of him. You felt him relax his head further into your hand, and when you raised yourself enough to face him directly, he sent you a wide smile, his eyes crinkling at the corners. This sight made your heart melt.
âSee, I knew you would protect me.â He replied, clearly referring to your hand behind his head. âMy little savior.â He called you, and when you puffed the air out, annoyed that he could have hurt himself for real this time, his smile turned into a full laugh, his body shaking under yours. He looked so angelic, covered in snow, laughing in a way that was so scarce that you couldnât help but join him in his moment of happiness.
And thanks to your mittens, your hand was left with only a purple bruise from the impact. Still, Xavier couldnât let you forget about it up to the day it disappeared completely, expressing guilt for the minor injury, his sight chasing your hand every time it appeared in his line of vision. He often caressed it softly with his fingers, looking at it with a mysteriously thoughtful expression, whispering âMy little savior.â under his breath. It made you wish that the bruise would never disappear.
You took a step back, suddenly overwhelmed by the memories and the closeness between you. He always invaded your personal space, stood so close that you could almost feel his breath on your face. This time, you had had to cut it out for your own good.
âSâokay. Youâre always busy but I guess I just got used to meeting you near your desk. Just text me after work? Maybe we could meet up for our book club today.â He said and you swallowed the awful feeling of longing in your chest. Book club was the term you came up with when you both just wanted to sit and read together for hours. Unfortunately, you knew how book club sessions looked like since the beginning of your friends-with-benefits arrangement.
You were sitting together in silence, reading for hours, then talked about your books until you both lost your breaths. A wonderful experience, you adored your little reading sessions, but you knew that recently they always ended with his lips on yours, and with your clothes scattered around his bedroom.
You couldnât let this go on forever. You couldnât go back to being just friends now, and you couldnât keep him so close, knowing that he will never fully be yours. You pitied your poor heart.
âSure, will do. See you around!â You were aware how awkward you sounded, but before he could stop you, you were already off to another task of the day.
You didnât text him after work, and neither did you reply to his message in time. The next day you send him an excuse that you were tired and fell asleep quickly, and you hoped that he believed it or didnât care enough to question you further.
If the distance hurt you this bad now, you couldnât even imagine how would it feel when he eventually wouldâve left you for her.
à©â©â§âË
The next stage of your plan involved not answering his texts at all. You allowed yourself small replies from time to time, most often very brief, if the situation called for it. Replying excuses from left to right. Then, you incorporated not picking up his calls, especially on weekends, when he appeared to want to see you the most, because you were absent from the Association building and he couldnât catch even a glimpse of you.
The distance you yourself put between you broke your heart, and you were getting more and more depressed by the day. Ignoring the person you loved wasnât easy, when he was the one with whom you wanted to spend your time the most.
To distract yourself from the situation, you were trying to pass your time differently. You were meeting up with your family and friends, or you started doing things that you were putting off for ages. Everything and anything to fill the void in your heart caused by the absence of the one you loved. The absence forced by you.
It had to be done, you reminded yourself daily. You had to end this somehow, no matter how it hurt you. You had to move on. You couldnât still be in love with him the day he would end up with MC. You knew it would ruin you.
Three weeks passed since your last meeting at the Association and you could feel that Xavier was getting impatient. His calls were more frequent. His messages longer. Sometimes while running away from him at work, you could catch how he was scanning the room in search of you. How frustrated he seemed to be. How upset.
You understood it. You were best friends after all, and he also probably needed someone near him to help him get his head clear of MC. You knew that it mustâve been hard for him. But you were sure you were doing the right thing, thatâs why you kept avoiding him during the past month, and not only it was the longest period youâve been away from each other since the start of your complicated arrangement, but also the longest time since the start of your friendship. Even when the times were rough, you managed to see each other at least once or twice a week.
You felt the pain of the distance too. Missing him almost every second of the day. But you had your reasons. You didnât want to try to satiate the hunger he felt for another woman anymore.
So every time his name appeared on your phone screen, along with the picture of him shoving two muffins into his mouth at the same time, you closed your eyes, took a deep breath, and waited out the signal, simultaneously praying for and dreading the silence.
à©â©â§âË
On a quiet rainy day, after a month of ignoring almost every attempt to make contact from Xavier, you heard your phone ping thrice. You sighed and put the book you were reading down, deciding that it was a good moment to reply something short to him in order to slightly ease his worries, and make him feel less alarmed. You wanted distance, but you still sticked to responding from time to time, to appear casual. To let the connection break off less abruptly.
xavier: why cant I see U at all recently.
xavier: why are U not picking up my calls and not replying to my texts.
xavier: are U hiding from me?
you: Of course not, just busy.
xavier: busy for me but not busy for others I know U are going out all the time.
xavier: are U mad at me? did I do something wrong.
you: No, you didnât, donât worry. Itâs just me. I have a lot of things on my mind recently.
xavier: could U please have me on Ur mind too? I miss U.
xavier: so bad it hurts
You let out a rugged breath, and decided to stop responding, but then another text came. This time, making your blood run cold.
xavier: going back from a rough mission right now i think i need help.
you: Oh my god, are you okay? Are you injured?
xavier: cant tell U why dont you come and see me for Urself.
you: Fine, I need to see if youâre okay. Do you need anything? Food? Medicine? I will pick something up on my way there.
xavier: i just need U
You closed your eyes and hid your face in your palms, then swore it would be the last time. You will go in, treat his wounds and go out. It had to be the last time you allowed yourself to be this close to him, and then you had to cut him off completely. A month wasnât enough to heal your broken heart, and these small sightings wonât make your heart feel any less burdened.
It had to end today.
à©â©â§âË
When the door opened, he managed to take your breath away once more.
First, only figuratively. His beauty always managed to amaze you. He looked so handsome no matter the circumstances, his hair so fluffy and shiny, his face like that of an angel, with sharp jawline and soft, pink lips almost screaming at you to be kissed. When you met his eyes, you almost gasped at the intensity of his deep blue gaze. There wasnât a thing about him you didnât miss terribly after so much time apart.
Then, literally, when the first thing he did was grabbing your hand and hugging you tightly to his chest, that was still clothed in his hunter uniform. He pressed his face into the crown of your hair and touched the nape of your neck, holding it gently with his cold hand.
âWas the mission that difficult?â You asked, thinking that his reaction to you was mostly due to his need for someone elseâs closeness. The need for security. âWere you in danger?â You asked quietly, fear bubbling in your mind.
âNo. I lied.â He murmured and you felt him squeezing you even harder, inhaling your scent with content. His hand started stroking your back, slowly making its way under your thin coat. âDidnât know what else to say to make you come see me.â He said and you hoped that he couldnât hear, nor feel the sound of your erratic heartbeat.
He shouldnât say things like these, it made you feel too hopeful. You tried to push that feeling down, knowing thatâs how he normally acted with you, his best friend. You knew that he didnât have a lot of people beside him, thus he treasured the ones that stayed. And that thought made you so incredibly apologetic that you had to swallow the tension in your throat. You hated that you fell for him so hard. You hated that you had to leave him because of it. You hated that you knew, that he would blame himself when youâll leave.
And you started to hate yourself the most because of all of it.
âDid you miss me that much?â You teased, trying to calm yourself with a friendly banter.
âYes.â The answer was immediate. The kiss he placed on your temple as natural as breathing. âEverything and everyone seems to be taking you away from me these days.â He said and you could hear him sulking. Your heart squeezed again, but you knew that you were doing the right thing. The distance was necessary.
Necessary for you to avoid breaking. You had to protect yourself first, you decided. You couldnât remain in love with him forever. You had to move on and in order to do that you had to keep the distance. Which was impossible with him around, when he craved physical touch so badly.
You started to be so mad at yourself for breaking your streak today. You didnât realize how touchy he will be after some time apart and it was getting to your head. You were so conflicted. You felt too much, and that was always the case when you were around him.
He was in love with someone else. Your head was screaming loudly, trying to calm the wave of unwanted emotions.
âIâm sorry.â You whispered. I love you, you thought. âBut now Iâm here, so maybe I can inspect you for any injuries? You always seem to neglect them as long as they donât make you bleed out.â You managed to free yourself from his hold and missed how his hands went after you for a second. He didnât want you to put distance between you two. Not yet, not ever.
He looked into your beautiful, shiny eyes and nodded without a thought. He couldnât say no to you, not when he saw the still remaining hint of worry in them. Besides, checking for injuries always came with physical contact, and he was so starved. He needed to feel your body close to his. Your hands on him, somewhere, anywhere, everywhere. He felt addicted and craved some kind of relief. He looked after you like a lost puppy, following your footsteps closely, touching the familiar material of your coat that you left on a counter. The distance this past month made him feral, every part of his body screamed to hold you and donât let go.
You sat down on his couch, and patted the place next to you, hinting at him to sit beside you. He was trying not to appear too eager while doing so, and also when he started taking off the upper part of his uniform. He was almost shaking with excitement knowing that you really came to see him. That you were worried about him. The distance was making him sick. Furious. Desperate. Hurt.
He suppressed a shudder when you touched his shoulder and peeled away the material off his back completely. Your hands were pleasantly warm, as always. He bit his lip trying not to gasp from the contact.
He needed more.
âXavier.â He hummed, giddy inside upon finally hearing his name from your lips. He was bracing for your outburst. Couldnât wait for it. âYou said you lied about the mission being hard, while having a fucking gash on your back? I-I canât believe you...â He heard your angry, shaky voice and smirked unintentionally. You were worried about him and he liked that. He liked the attention, when it was coming from you.
Yet, you didnât know that.
You cursed under your breath and went to grab the first aid kit from one of his drawers, and proceeded to patch the man back up, having no idea that he allowed the Wanderer to injure him, to have an excuse to see you. To keep you with him for a minute longer, even if it was only under the pretense of tending to his injuries. He was ready to do anything at this point to keep you from slipping away from his grasp.
If you knew that, you wouldnât be so adamant on distancing yourself.
But because you didnât know, you also didnât predict that after patching him up, he would propose you to eat dinner with him, making up an excuse that he didnât want to be alone with his pain. Later, when you wanted to come back to your place, he mentioned he wanted to play kitty cards, the game you adored. You couldnât refuse him.
During the next hours you spent at his place you both talked in the same way you always used to - about everything and anything, exchanging opinions, stories and everyday thoughts. You laughed together for the first time in weeks, and your cheeks hurt from how much he was able to make you smile. You always had so much fun with him; he was your favorite person in the whole world. You missed him so bad, despite knowing that you couldnât back out from your plan fully. Yet, you allowed yourself a little break, telling yourself that it was in order for your distancing to not look suspicious. In addition, he was injured, and you felt the need to comfort him in any way you could. The gash on his back wasnât that deep, but it worried you regardless.
The atmosphere changed drastically only when he managed to win the next round of kitty cards. You jokingly frowned at him, forging displeasure, and he looked directly at your pouting lips. The time seemed to stop when you noticed that look. He raised his hand to touch your collarbone, caressing it with his fingers, up to your neck and over your cheek. He looked deeply into your eyes, and you noticed how dark his became. You found it fascinating that his soft gaze could change so drastically in a matter of seconds.
His hand reached out to grab your chin and brought your face closer to his. And when he whispered: âCould I ask for a reward?â with that dangerous, needy voice of his, you knew that you couldnât deny him anything.
When your lips touched, you decided that it will be the last time you let it happen. It would be your goodbye, before losing the feel of his touch. You thought that you could at least make the best of it, get lost in the artificial feeling of being treasured for the last time, before you started the last phase of your plan.
After that, you had to cut off the ties with him completely. No matter the measures. No matter the pain.
à©â©â§âË
âXavier, m-maybe not today?â You asked when you realized how low he was going with his kisses. You knew what he was about to do, and you hated how much you couldnât contain the sounds that were coming out of your mouth when he was doing it. Besides, it didnât feel like a mutual pleasure anymore, it felt like an act of service and you were not sure you wanted him to pleasure only you.
He looked at you, having already dropped to his knees. He looked ruined, his hair already a mess from the touch of your fingers, lips wet and swollen, shirt off displaying his toned chest, bandaged in the center with caution. He was practically heaving. The sight made you blush.
âWhy not?â His voice sounded whiny, his lips already kissing the inside of your thigh as if he couldnât restrain himself. Every kiss sent electricity to your already wet core and you found it hard to think clearly. His hands were grabbing your tights possessively, relishing in their softness. âPlease, let me eat you out. Iâll make you feel good, I promise.â The pleading in his eyes was so apparent. So unfiltered.
âDonât you want to get to the point already?â You offered shyly and he huffed out a laugh.
âWhere are you trying to run off to this time?â It sounded like a joke, but he appeared annoyed. âRelax, starlight and let me take care of you. Please.â You still hesitated. It made him pout. âI need it, please, star. I want to taste you so bad. I didnât manage to last time.â He kissed your knee and put his head on it, looking for the answer in your unsure eyes. âWill you let me?â His pleading tone, along with his desperate gaze was what made you break. You whispered a soft confirmation and it was all it took before he quickly put his mouth on your core, licking vigorously, devouring you like the most delicious thing on the planet.
âMmmm.â You heard him humming, before your own cries, along with the constant tremble of your legs, drowned out any other sound.
He was elated.
à©â©â§âË
âMmmhâ Yes. Yes. Hâholyââ He whimpered at the same time with his thrusts and squeezed your waist harder, moving his hands up and down your back, caressing it affectionately. âYou are s-so warm, so beautiful, fuckââ He moaned when you tightened on him. You stiffed a whimper and tried to commit to memory the touch of his strong hands.
He was taking you slowly from behind and the pace was almost unbearable for you. You needed more, and you couldnât stand how romantic it felt when he was this gentle with you. However, at the same time you didnât want him to strain himself, you were aware that the slow pace was reasonable due to the injury on his back. The slow pace did surprise you either way, you thought that after so much time apart he would be quick and rough, chasing his pleasure faster than he normally would. Instead, he acted even more passionately than usual.
The slow pace brought you so much pleasure that you couldnât contain the sounds escaping from your lips. He kept pressing your most sensitive spots, his thrusts slow, deep and precise. His forehead rest on the back of your shoulder, and you could feel his hot, labored breath pressing against your damp skin.
He made you feel so appreciated, and so cared for, and that made you uneasy. More so, with the accompaniment of the things he was constantly saying to you, from the moment you allowed him to touch you today.
âCan you turn around now? Please, my star, I want to see you.â He half-whispered and started kissing your neck, then moving his mouth to every patch of your skin he could reach: your shoulders, back, arms. No place was left unkissed under his relentless lips. You shook your head no; you didnât want to let this become even more passionate than it already was. You positioned yourself facing the headboard of the bed from the very beginning, and you were adamant to keep your stance up until the end. You feared that your eyes would betray you, displaying your feelings for him and that was what made you not lose your composure.
Upon hearing your refusal for the third time this night, he proceeded to voice his frustrations by grunting, and thrust into you a little harder. You moaned loudly, surprised at the sudden change of tempo.
âPlease, starlight.â He begged; his voice achingly earnest. He picked up the pace and you almost choked with how deep he reached inside of you now. You thought that you could never get used to how big he was, his girth filling you up to the brim. âTurn around. T-turn around for me.â
âX-xavier slow down, I donât want you to get hurtââ You managed to choke out, grasping sheets with your hands for some kind of stability. You closed your eyes when they were turning upwards, biting your lip in the process. He felt otherworldly, but you couldnât help but think about the gash on his back. He shouldnât strain himself.
âThen turn around and look at me.â He repeated and you shook your head again.
âI-I canât, IâAhââ
âW-why do you keepâMmhâdenying me?â His voice came out like a growl and he kept up the fast tempo. Then, he grabbed your shoulder and put his other hand on your lower back, making you bend over more. His thrusts got even faster, making you moan louder. âLike that. Yes.â You breathed quietly. So good. He was so, so good. âI just want to see your face. I need to kiss yâAâAhâKiss you so bad, so, so, so bad.â He thrust more deeply, making you involuntarily back out from the stimulation, your body almost collapsing, but he quickly grabbed you with his strong arms, and brought you even closer to him. You saw stars and touched one of the arms that held your whole body â from your waist, between your breasts, to your neck. His arm was so hard, so strong. He was huge compared to you. âNo, n-no, donât run away, star. You feel so goodâG-God how I missed thisââ He held you closer by the second, pressing more kisses to your shoulders, his thrusts becoming quicker, less deep. You were holding back your tears from how good he felt inside you. âI missed you. I missed you. I miss you.â He started babbling and thatâs how you knew he was close.
To your surprise, he suddenly pulled out of you completely and grabbed you by your shoulders, turning you around to finally face him. Before you could show any signs of protest, he lowered himself onto his forearms, caging your head between his biceps so that he could have a perfect view of your face. He took his cock in one of his hands and he slipped himself into you again with ease. You shuddered and cried out softly with astonishment.
âXavierâ!â
âYes. Yes, thatâs my name.â He started thrusting into you again, this time much slower and more attentive, and looked deep into your eyes. You had nowhere to run, the only thing you could do was to close your eyes, but the sight of him so close made you want to never look away. âSay it one more time. Just once.â He looked ethereal, his silver hair wet from the perspiration that gathered on his forehead, and his cheeks painted a pretty shade of red. You could see how blissful he felt. âSo p-pretty.â He finally kissed your lips softly. âSo sweet.â He licked into your mouth, deepening the kiss. It made your toes curl, you loved when he kissed you this sloppily. When he released your already swollen lips, there was a string of saliva connecting you. It was all so intense.
âWhy were you denying my kisses?â He kissed you again deeply, sucking on your tongue. His slow thrusts made you go insane. âYou donât like kissing me like this?â He sucked on your lips until they were red and swollen. There was so much saliva. He licked them and kissed them again. âI could come from this feeling alone. So soft.â You were shocked at how much he talked. Was he always this talkative? Or were you realizing it only now, when you knew that the closeness with him would soon come to an end?
âAm I making you feel good? Yeah?â You decided to nod at him truthfully, your moans short, resembling small hiccups. You were lost in the pleasure; you could feel the end approaching. He put his forehead against yours, breathing heavily. âWâwow, youâyou sound so adorable, I wonât last longââ He moaned and grabbed your face in his hands, kissing your nose first, then softly your lips.
âYes, yeah, let go. Let go my little star. My starlight, my treasure.â He whispered into your ear, feeling you clench down on him as you came with his name on your lips. You felt him reaching the end quickly after you, he shuddered, his mouth opened, and he released into the condom with a low moan. Still cumming, he took your face into his hands and kissed your forehead gently. When you both were still coming down from the high, breathing heavily, he began stroking your hair, pushing it out of your face, and kissing your cheeks.
What in the world was all that?
God, you couldnât do this anymore. You couldnât let this keep up, it felt too real, too romantic, and your heart really couldnât take it. Not when every time you were together like this you keep thinking that he would like you to be someone else instead. Did he imagine her under him this time? You trembled, scared because of that thought, but the things he was saying made you feel that it really could be the case.
Your breath came out shakily and you took his muscular forearms in your palms and grazed them gently with your thumbs. You let yourself feel for the last time how warm his body was, how pleasurable his weight on top of you. You kept your eyes closed to not let him see your tears, but you couldnât stop one from going down your cheek.
And of course, he saw it as soon as it appeared. He seemed to always look at you when you wanted him to ignore you the most.
He kissed it off, swiped the wetness with his thumb and proceeded to kiss your temple.
âWhy are you crying?â He asked softly, his eyebrows furrowed. âDid I hurt you?â He appeared so concerned, and you felt the shivers going down your spine.
Yes, you wanted to scream.
âNo, of course not.â You said instead. Because it was your fault for feeling too much. âIâm okay, just tired.â You lied straight to his face. He sent you a small smile and kissed your closed eyelids gently.
And when he shifted and pulled out from you slowly with a little hiss, you let out a sigh and knew that your time with him had to end now.
But before you could lift yourself up, he hugged you from the side and put his head on your chest. He was listening to the sound of your heartbeat, and you already knew that it had a soothing effect on him. His hand started caressing one side of your waist, his hair touching your chin, his scent overlapping you. You could feel his heartbeat on you, fast but steady. Another tear escaped from your eyes. You had to run away. You couldnât take the closeness anymore. It was too painful.
âXavier, Iââ You swallowed the sob forming in your throat. Your voice came out rusty. âI really need to go.â
âAlready? Stay with me for a little while longer.â He squeezed you harder to himself, showing no intention of releasing you from his hold. You hated that you needed to cut short such a vulnerable moment with him. âThe night is still young. I thought we could maybe watch something together? Or bake these cinnamon cookies you like? I practiced, they taste and look almost perfect now.â You closed your eyes hard, moved by his thoughtfulness, and you almost sobbed audibly if it wasnât for your hand quickly covering your mouth.
But he felt it, and it made all the muscles in his body tighten, as if he was struck.
âStar?â He loosened his hold on you and quickly studied your face. âWhatâs wrong?â His eyes became huge, filled with worry. And that concern on his features was what finally made you run.
You raised gently and pushed yourself from him, starting to pick up your scattered pieces of clothing. Your hands shakily put the panties and your sweater on your trembling body, not once looking Xavierâs way. He was waiting patiently for your answer.
âI canât do this anymore, Xavier.â You replied, feeling more comfortable now that you had some clothes on. You couldnât meet his eyes, but you heard him standing up from the bed.
âDo what?â He sounded puzzled. You heard him grabbing and putting on some pants hastily, clicking his belt in place. As if he was preparing to run after you. âDid I do something wrong? You didnât like it today? Was I too intense?â You had never heard him speak so quickly, and the panic in his tone was a rare occurrence too.
âNo, itâsâ I am at fault here.â You answered truthfully, and you took a couple steps away from him. You wanted to run as fast as you could but for the love of God, you couldnât locate any other pieces of your clothing. Your eyesight was clouded by unleashed tears. No, not now, you couldnât let them fall until you were in the safety of your home.
âBut you were perfect.â His voice carried more panic by the second. âWe could change some things. You could tell me what to do differently, everything works with me as long as I do it with you.â
You suddenly remembered the beginning of your night, and rushed to his living room, were you finally found your pants.
âNo. No, and please stop trying to persuade me. Thisâthis friends with benefits thing, it ends now.â You uttered surely, now fully clothed. You turned around and finally laid your eyes on him, and saw him wearing only black jeans and a miserable expression on his face. God, he still looked perfect. He almost shined, the workout clearly visible on his face, his hair, his lips. Your resolution almost wavered.
âOkay. Okay, of course, IâI understand.â He answered quickly, and you felt a slight pang in your chest at how easily he took the news. This whole time you were so easily disposable. âBut please stay. I want to spend some time with you, I havenât seen you in such a long time.â He took a careful step towards you, and you wanted to bolt then and there. âPlease, stay.â
âNo, Xai, Iââ You paused to take a breath, trying not to crumble in front of him. His worried expression felt like a knife to your chest. You were his best friend, yet here you were, clearly wanting to run away from himâhow could you expect him to feel anything but hurt upon such a sight? You felt incredibly cruel. âI really canât. I think I need a break from allâall of this.â
âYou mean from me?â He didnât wait for your answer, the thoughts in his head seemed to go quicker than lightning. âNo, please, I swear that if you donât like it then I wonât touch you anymore. I swear.â You hated how upset he sounded. You closed your eyes for a second and fresh tears slipped away. You couldnât keep them from falling anymore. âYou know how much you mean to me. Donât make me stay away.â He looked as if you were tearing his heart out, his posture slumped, hands shaking. How you wished you could take them into your own and warm them up.
âI have to.â Your voice came out whiny. He stepped closer to you, keeping his arms in front of himself.
âBut why?â His question was quiet, nearly a whisper. He couldnât help but wonder, if you really wanted a break from him, then why were you crying as if you didnât want to go?
âIââ You stopped yourself before going as far as to utter a confession. He couldnât know. Not now. Not ever. âThisâ This situation, and how our friendship looks like right now itâsâitâs so wrong.â You opted for a response that was the closest to the truth.
âItâs not.â He replied immediately. âNot for me.â
âWell it is for me. Friends donât sleep with each other, Xavier! We messed up so bad this time and Iâm afraid we canât let this past us.â
âDo you regret it that much?â His voice was losing itsâ strength, and he seemed so utterly hurt. Meanwhile, you were just trying to protect yourself from feeling even more pain. How could you make him understand without confessing to him? You didnât really know because you were always honest with him before. He was your safe place.
And to think that everything could be avoided, your friendship left unscratched if only you could control your feelings better. But you had no idea how to stop loving him so deeply, when he was everything that youâve ever dreamed of.
âI should. I know that I should, it was never going to end well, Iââ
âStay. Please, starlight, stay. At least for one more night, let me hold you just for one moreââ His arms went out to grab you and you flinched, taking a few steps back. His jaw tightened.
He was always afraid that he will see you run away from his touch. He felt as if his nightmare became reality - the thought of losing you too much for him to bear.
âXavier, I canât!â You trembled all over. Why did he make this so hard for you? âI canât do this with you anymore, canât you understand how much it hurts me?â The truth was at the tip of your tongue, craving to be spoken out loud.
âWhy? Why does it hurt you? The only one who has a good reason to be hurt is me, you avoided me, ignored me, and for what? If you just talked to me honestly one timeââ
âYou are in love with someone else!â
The silence that followed was unbearable and seemed to last ages. Slow ticking of the clock was the only thing cutting through the tension, reminding you that the time didnât stop, even if your heart seemed to do so.
You turned to him, the tears falling from your eyes in cascades now and your chest was coming up and down rapidly with how fast you were breathing.
The tears run down your cheeks quickly, making your vision less blurry. How you wished that they stayed in place, if that meant that you wouldnât have to see Xavierâs pained expression, that quickly changed into one of utter confusion. You were shaking with how much you were feeling, your frustration pooling out of you in a form of shaking hands and bitten lips.
âI canât continue being like this with you when I know that youâre in love with her! And I get it! I really do. Sheâs so wonderful, and so, so lovable. And I could never be her, no matter how much you would want me to be. I just donât want to be a replacement anymore.â You continued, the desperation in your voice almost making you wince. You sounded pathetic and felt so embarrassed for it. You felt as if you were losing the ground beneath your feet.
âWhat?â He said completely stunned. He wasnât moving a single muscle. âWhat on earth are you talking about?â He hissed, and took a step towards you, and when you shook your head and wanted to bolt through the door, he quickly grabbed you by your wrist and pressed your body close to his. You gasped at the contact, so sudden and forced. âNo, stop running away from me!â He raised his voice, still holding your wrist tightly. Youâve never heard him sound so irritated. âSpeak.â You kept your head low, when he was desperately trying to catch eye contact, but you couldnât look at him right now. Not when your true feelings were basically flowing to the surface.
âAbout what? You really thought I didnât know about your feelings for her?â You struggled to keep your voice from shaking. âXavier, I know, and I knew from the very beginning, and you really donât have to explain yourself to me. I really understand.â You tried to free your wrist from his grasp, but he held it too tightly. You needed to run, this conversation wasnât supposed to happen, you didnât even have a reason to be mad at him. You couldnât blame him for not loving you romantically, nor for feeling this way towards someone else. You were only friends, and friends should be happy for each other when they find someone dear to them, not sick of the idea of losing the other to someone else.
âIâm afraid you actually donât understand anything.â He sounded almost defeated. His voice back to its soft tone, but his hold on you unrelenting.
âItâs really okay, Iââ
âNo.â He scoffed. You finally gained enough courage to let your eyes meet his and you were instantly appalled at how furious he appeared to be. âItâs truly NOT.â He released your wrist and put his hands up to stroke his hair back. He breathed out loudly. âWho the fuck are you talking about?â He asked, confusion and irritation taking over his features completely. You never saw him wear that expression while talking with you.
âOh, donât make meââ You cut off, seeing his furious glare. You took a deep breath, stepped back from him and touched your cheek, trying to swipe the wetness caused by your tears. You failed, they were still coming down, one by one, making your efforts futile. âMC. You know that I mean MC.â
âYou have to be fucking kidding me.â He groaned and let his head fall back. He covered his face with his hands for a second, and when he looked at you again, you couldnât read his expression correctly. âWho told you about it? Where did you get it from?â
âJeremiah.â Thatâs all he needed to know. And apparently it was enough for him to grasp the situation. He laughed humorlessly and shook his head, his hands squeezed tightly into fists by his sides.
âI will strangle him this time. I swear, I willââ
âOh, please, Xavier, stop! Whatâs so wrong about me knowing? I was glad that someone finally enlightened me!â You couldnât believe that he was so angry at you for knowing such an important thing. Not when from the moment Jeremiah said that he had a thing for MC for a long time, you wondered why he kept that a secret from you. âYou never even said a word about it even though I thought we were best friends. I had to learn from someone else and that already hurt.â You wanted this conversation to be over. You wanted him to admit to it already and let you go away, with a broken, but at least free heart.
But he had different plans.
âHave you maybe thought that I never said a word about it simply because it wasnât true?â He asked carefully, his voice still angry. âI just canât believe you thought that I loved someone elseââ
âWhat?â Your mind went blank. You needed a moment to collect your thoughts. âWhat do you mean itâs not true?â You sniffed quietly, confusion taking over your face.âB-But Jeremiah said that you had a past with her andââ
âI did. I had feelings for her once, but that was literal lifetimes ago!â His irritation didnât ease in the slightest. âI had feelings for someone who looked similar to her. But sheâs not the same person anymore, and even if she was, I couldnât possibly fall in love with her. Not now, not ever.â You stopped in your tracks, trying to analyze everything he was saying to you and failing miserably at it. You looked at his face, your expression puzzled, searching for an answer there, hidden between his beautiful, soft features. It shocked you to see that now he started to calm himself down, gaze genuine, an image of complete transparency.
You couldnât wrap your head around the idea that you were mistaken. All this time, when you thought you never stood a chance, when you thought that he loved another, when you wanted to let him goâ
âYouâre not in love with MC.â It wasnât a question anymore, your voice quiet while you were trying to process that thought. He mustâve seen how you fought with the thoughts inside your head, because he released a groan and took a step towards you. You unintentionally took one step back. He frowned.
âOf course Iâm not.â Voice sweet like honey, stance sure, his eyes searched desperately for yours. He looked at your face, covered in tears and his eyebrows furrowed deeper, hating how upset you seemed and didnât know how to reverse it. âHow could I ever be, when your face is all I can see, every time I close my eyes?â He uttered looking at you with such devotion that it almost made your knees buckle.
Complete silence took over your thoughts after his confession. You didnât know what was happening.
But fortunately, his mind finally started to piece everything together in a picture, that although was beyond frustrating to think about, was giving him so much hope for something he thought he already lost.
He allowed himself to relax, took a deep breath and finally decided to drop his inner shackles, letting his emotions flow out of him without restraint.
âYou are the one that I love.â He said clearly, not moving a muscle. He wondered if you could see the quick movement of his chest, with how hard his heart was trying to escape through it to reach you. Whereas, you felt as if yours stopped moving completely, along with the time around you, not ready to believe that this was truly happening. âIt was you from the very beginning. I adored you since the day I first saw you.â He continued, his gaze piercing into your face, slight confusion visible on his features. âAnd I thought that was obvious? I wasnât exactly the best at hiding my feelings, especially after I told you about them the first night we spend together.â
You blinked slowly. Once, then twice.
Your head hurt. You couldnât wrap it around everything he was saying. Xavier was in love with you? And he already told you about it? You were so confused that the only way you knew how to react was with denial.
âYouâYou didnât. I didnât know, you are not being serious.â He shook his head in disbelief.
âI did. You really donât remember?â His tone softened, and he waited a short second for your answer, but couldnât contain his nerves. âIt was the night I kissed you for the first time, thinking that would be the last. But you reciprocated.â His eyes gleamed in the moonlight, and you found yourself holding your breath, afraid even the slightest sound might interrupt the flow of his confession.
âYouâYou kissed me back, and let me do things to you I only ever dared to dream about before.â He took another step your way, a small smile grazing his handsome face. âAnd the confession slipped out of me so naturally before we even reached the bed.â He briefly recalled that fateful night, describing the conversations you forgot, but longed to remember since that very moment.
âYou didnât reply, but you responded nicely to my touch, so I thought that meant that you wanted me too, that maybe youâd accept me. As your beloved. Your soulmate.â You brought your hand to cover your mouth. You couldnât believe it. âBut then in the morning when you woke up, you were panicking. I tried to reassure you, but you werenât listening to me.â
That part of the story you knew by heart, him telling you that he couldnât forget, didnât want to forget. Back then you didnât connect it with anything close to confession, but more with the change in your relationship. You really didnât want to jump to any conclusions, you didnât even dream about him loving you, when you thought that he loved MC. Insecurities and false assumptions completely clouded your vision.
âAnd when you proposed staying friends, with the bonus of intimacy, of course I took the chance. I thought you remembered my confession and didnât reciprocate my feelings, but I was so desperate that I would take anything you were willing to give me, even if it didnât involve your love. Iââ he cut off, blush flushed over his cheeks, up to the tips of his ears. He took a shaky breath. âI was clinging to the hope that maybe through the new shared intimacy I could show you how much you meant to me. And maybe, maybe someday you would start feeling the same, when you realized how good we are together and how good I can be for you.â
âXavierâOh my god.â You breathed, your hand still covering your mouth, your eyes never leaving his face. His beautiful, starstruck face, now so full of confusion and unspoken hurt. âBunny, Iâm so, so, so sorry. I had no idea, Iââ Your voice practically a whisper, you were still coming to terms with the fact that your feelings were reciprocated. And that you were the one who complicated things between you. âI donât remember anything you said to me that night. I couldnât even hear you through the sound of my own blood thrumming in my ears, thatâs how drunk I felt. How overwhelmed after our first kiss.â
The alcohol consumed that night also wasnât of big help. You were a lightweight and you drunk only occasionally, so the few drinks you had already made you feel dizzy. Mixed with the intensity of your emotions, it overwhelmed you so intensely that his touch was all you could remember from that night. But now you could make it all alright.
âI only remember your touch, the things we did, and our conversation the next morning. I remember touching your hand and initiating the kiss, and my tipsy brain just thought that you went with it to forget about MC.â You said truthfully, letting it all pour out of you. Your cheeks burned with the embarrassment of admitting how desperate you were for him, that the thought he loved another didnât stop you from having sex with him.
Then the blush deepened from the realization that from the very beginning the only one he was thinking about was you.
This thought made your head spin, the happiness slowly bubbling in your chest. Your whole body trembled.
âThatâsâ Fuck. You really donât remember.â He shook his head again, realizing how deep the misunderstanding reached. âYou didnât initiate anything. I was the one who kissed you first.â
âNo, Iââ
âYes. You touched my hand, smiled at me contentedly and said some things and IâI just couldnât restrain myself any longer.â This time you were the one who started approaching him slowly. You needed him close. Always. And you realized that now you didnât have any reasons to deny yourself that lack of distance. âYou looked so soft, so open and kissable, and I just went for it. And then you reciprocated.â The light in his eyes started sparkling when he noticed that you were finally coming closer to him. He reached out his hand for you and you took it gently, still shaking from the unspoken emotions.
âI canât believe it. All this time I thought that you were in love with someone else.â His hand was warm, the touch electrifying. You squeezed his hand and intertwined your fingers together. You saw how between your clasped hands, his Evol started shining brightly, shading soft light upon your features. It was a sign that he was excited. âI tried to put a distance between us, end this intimacy because I thought that I was just a second best for you. An easy distraction.â
âHow could you think that? Almost from the moment I met you, I have loved you passionatelyââ He brought you even closer together, pulling you by your intertwined hands, and put his other hand on your cheek. He swiped the reminder of your tears with his fingers, looking into your eyes with a devotion so apparent that it took your ability to form coherent thoughts. How did you manage to miss the way he was always looking your way?
âX-Xavier.â
âI couldnât even think about anyone else even if I tried to. You occupy my every thought. How could I ever find a place for somebody else in my heart when you fill the space out completely?â Everything that came out of his mouth was laced with impatience. He was trying so hard to make you understand him, and the intensity of his emotions. He couldnât psychically hold it inside anymore, he restrained himself for so long that he felt as if all of his walls finally crumbled. He needed you to know everything.
âI love you, starlight. Iâm so in love with you that I couldnât contain that feeling inside anymore. I couldnât even spend five minutes in your presence without trying to touch you, to kiss you, to hold you. My whole body longs for you constantly.â He said, thinking about the months after you started being friends with benefits. How at first, he wasnât sure how much he could take from you, and then, when he noticed that you didnât mind the affection outside the bedroom, he couldnât contain himself. He kissed you every time he had a chance, he touched you everywhere he could, he was trying to stay away from you as little as possible. Despite thinking that you did not reciprocate his feelings fully, his love for you flowed out of him naturally, every look and every touch laced with unconditional devotion.
During the period of your silence and avoiding him, he thought that it was because he finally crossed a line. He let his feelings out too much, he finally made you uncomfortable. He was starting to act as you lover, not as your friend and it wasnât what you agreed to. He thought you still didnât love him and maybe that was a sign that you never will. And even if that could be the case, he still couldnât let you go.
And it appeared that he didnât have to.
That you were not uncomfortable, but unsure.
That it was all a huge misunderstanding.
And the words that came out of your pretty, little mouth next, almost brought him to his knees.
âXavier. Xavier me too, Iââ You stuttered, completely overwhelmed by how much you were feeling. You squeezed his wrists, and looked deep into his beautiful, hopeful eyes. âI love you too. And I fell in love with you long before our first night together. I just thought that it was wishful thinking, because your heart was already taken by someone else. And that I could just stay beside you as your friend and that would be enough. And then share your bed from time to time, if that meant that I could hold you close, be on the receiving end of your affection.â You said and raised on your feet to place a quick kiss on his lips. He chased after you instantly, despite appearing stunned. You noticed his hands were shaking.
âYou really mean it?â He asked, leaning towards you, kissing your lips again, this time for longer. He had trouble keeping his mouth away from yours, especially now, that he knew that every one of your kisses was filled with love. âAm I not dreaming this time?â You smiled and stroked his hair affectionately, petting his head, wanting to convey your feelings in every way possible.
âXavier, I love you.â You repeated, grabbing his head in your palms and looking deep into his eyes. Your voice was strong, leaving no room for uncertainty. âI love you so muââ He didnât let you finish that sentence, because he quickly picked you up and spun you around, holding you in his arms. You giggled and put your arms around his neck, holding him tightly, his face buried in your neck. When he stopped, he quickly found your lips again and that kiss felt groundbreaking.
He held you close to him, one hand squeezing you by your waist, and the other holding your jaw gently. His brows furrowed in desperation and his kisses were slow, sensual, sending pleasant shocks throughout your whole body. His tongue made an appearance, and he tasted you in a way that made your legs feel like jelly. He licked into your mouth, grunting lowly, his fingers placing a strand of your hair behind your ear, then tracing patterns on your warm cheek. When you opened your eyes for a second, you could see that the tips of his ears were red. The blush spread through his cheeks too, making him look so adorable.
âIt does feel like a dream.â He breathed between kisses. âAnd sounds too good to be true.â He captured your lips again and you smiled into his mouth. Your heart was about to burst.
âI love you.â You repeated, basking in the feeling of finally being able to say it out loud, be open with your emotions. He released your lips and kissed your forehead. You looked up, and he placed his forehead against yours, his eyes closed, a wide smile adorning his face.
âDonât stop saying that. You make me so happy.â He said quietly, and you whispered the confession once again, making him sigh shakily.
âI was so stupid. I shouldâve asked you right from the start if what Jeremiah said was true.â You said and hugged him more tightly. âI shouldâve told you sooner.â You placed your head on his strong chest, your ear touching his bare body, listening to his fast heartbeat. Your hands were hugging his waist, mindful not to touch his bandaged back.
âNo, I foolishly thought that telling you once would suffice. I forgot that you drank that night and that couldâve clouded your memory.â He squeezed you harder to himself and started back away with you in his arms, until the back of his legs touched his couch. He fell into it, holding you close, making you sit on his lap. âTo think that I could have you soonerââ He looked into your eyes, as if searching for something.
âYou had me before, and you have me now. My heart, my body, my soul.â You positioned yourself more comfortably, placing your legs on both sides of his waist, and took his face into your hands. He closed his eyes at the contact, and started to caress your body, from your waist, down to your legs. He squeezed the plush of your tights and let his head fall against the couch pillows.
He couldnât believe that this was happening. He prayed that this wasnât a dream, that all of the things you were telling him were true. His chest vibrated pleasurably, incredible warmth spreading through it. His heart beat so quickly, and so loudly that he thought it was the first time he felt itsâ beat so intensely himself. Your words made him feel drunk with emotion.
He opened his eyes to look at your face.
He almost choked with how beautiful you were. How divine, sitting on him, caressing his shoulders, smiling at him with the stars in your eyes. He looked at your lips, full and swollen, bearing the signs of his kisses. He looked at your neck, delicate and unmarked, and he stroked it with the back of his hand, wanting to change that fact immediately, knowing that now he was allowed to do that. He switched his gaze to your eyes again and drank them in, basking in their light, wishing that this moment could never end. Or maybe it should, so it could become your new beginning.
You were his treasure. His star, his light, guiding him through life, making his existence worth pursuing. You showed him that the world can be beautiful, despite its overbearing cruelty. You were his salvation, his safe place, his one and only, showing him every single day that he mattered, that he was not a lost cause, or a villain in disguise. You taught him that he was capable of loving so intensely and now, that he was loved as passionately in return.
He doubted his worth, but the only way he knew to prove his love for you was by protecting you with his very life. You had no idea, but his sword, now a symbol of your bond, was yours to commandâand you were the only reason he continued to wield it.
âWhat are you thinking about?â Your voice was not more than a whisper, your eyes still looking into his starry ones, losing yourself in the deep blue. You loved them, how magnificent and expressive they were, and you swore to yourself to tell him about it every day.
He seemed to get out of the trace he was in, and his eyes softened, still taking you in. He smiled and took your hands into his, and kissed your knuckles, his kisses gentle and long-lasting.
âYou.â He replied shortly, his voice gentle and reassuring. He put your hands on his shoulders, making you hug his neck with them. You complied and put your whole arms around his neck, bringing your bodies closer. One of his hands touched your waist, caressing it delicately, and the other one stroked your hair, admiring itsâ softness. His eyes never left yours. âAlways you, my starlight. Then, now, and till the end of my days. I will always carry you in my mind, and in my heart, to be able to reach you, no matter the distance.â You could feel his breath on your face with how close you were to each other, and he gazed at your open lips, which were already waiting to be kissed senselessly. âI love you, as I never loved anyone else in my life, and I never will again.â His lips captured yours in a kiss so soft, yet so desperate, and full of adoration, that you felt a single, happy tear escape from your eye. He deepened the kiss and held you throughout the night, kissing you and touching you, never wanting the moment to end, the warmth of your skin to become a memory.
It all started with the simplest of touches, and it never truly ended. The spark you ignited that first night has never faded. Since the moment you met, it has burned brightly between you both, a light so powerful that it could be seen across the vastness of deep space. Everlasting and exquisite, just like the different lifetimes you both had ahead of you, always finding each other, as if guided by its warmth.
à©â©â§âË
thank you for your time and please let me know if you liked it!! i was thinking of writing more for this au, maybe from xavierâs perspective? how they met and how he fell in love + how their first night really played out âĄ
if u liked it, u can buy me a coffee here!: https://buycoffee.to/mochiwrites
#l&ds xavier#â˰ mochi writes!#xavier smut#xavier x reader#xavier love and deepspace smut#love and deepspace xavier#lads#lads xavier#lnds xavier#xavier x reader smut#l&ds sylus#lads smut#love and deep space smut#love and deepspace fluff#xavier fluff#xavier x you#xavier x you smut#lads sylus#love and deepspace x you#lads xavier x reader#love and deepspace#love and deepspace x reader
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read this if you're confused about persistence, if you've been affirming for months and nothing's shown up, if you're wondering whether you're doing something wrong but can't figure out what. not a method post. not a technique post. just whatâs actually going on when it's not working yet.
ok. so. hi. this is going to be messy and probably upsetting. not because it's dramatic. don't flatter it. but because it's honest. and honesty gets weird when you're dealing with a field that's still so underexamined. we're all just poking the edge of the simulation with a biro. and maybe i should leave it alone. maybe i'm overcomplicating again. maybe this is one of those moments where i should just shut up and script and go to bed. but. no. i can't. i don't know how to shut up about this. and maybe this isn't even the truth. maybe this is just one lens. but fine. whatever. here it is.
context: someone asked me today. "how do i force myself to shift in a short amount of time?" (@srcerers this is your fault....affectionately) and i was writing the usual. the "correct" answer. if you decide it, it's done. if you say you shift instantly, you do. period. PERIOD. done and done, tried and true. the golden assumption + confidence = success formula.
and then i spiralled. because i've been saying that for months. and yes, i've shifted. yes, i've seen results. but before that???????? i spent ages deciding. persisting. affirming. knowing. and still. nothing. and no, this isn't about pedestals. this isn't about wanting it too much. this isn't a fucking disney villain song about obsession. this isn't "just let go babe." no one here is pacing the astral gates with mascara running. this isn't longing. this is clarity. this is when you know it's yours and reality still has the audacity to play pretend.
you're not begging. you're not desperate. you're just wondering why the algorithm is lagging. and you're allowed to. you're god, and the lights are flickering. you're allowed to knock on the wall and ask why.
and sure. someone might read this and say "you were overthinking." or "you were still checking the 3d." but it's not that. this isn't panic. it's not frantic. it's the calm after the calibration. this is what happens after you stop checking. after you stabilise. after you fully assume. when you don't need results to believe. but they still don't come. and so you ask. not because you're doubting. because you're refining. it's not sabotage. it's devotion. it's wanting to understand the edge of your own dominion.
and the thing is. in the past, i wasn't hoping. i wasn't tiptoeing. i was in. all in. clearly, absolutely. no checking. no waiting. i wasn't treating the assumption like a wish. i was living like it was already law. so i continued in this spiral. because if you're god. if your thoughts create. if you say "i am in my dr" now and you mean it, like actually mean it, shouldn't that be enough?? i say this confidently, because after shifting so much, yes, that is indeed what happens. but. for people who haven't experienced that privilege. like. confidence plus assumption equals done. right??? so then why not. where does the decision go. does it just evaporate. does it fall behind the couch cushions of the multiverse. in what fucking universe do you decide something every day with conviction and it still doesn't root. how does that not calcify into fact.
so let me give you a scenario. maybe it's you. it was definitely me.
you're affirming day and night. not hoping. not wishing. knowing. you've decided you are in your dr. period. you walk like it. talk like it. feel it. you're not checking for results. not looking over your shoulder. not waiting for it to kick in. because it already did. your inner world is loud. it's screaming this is it. i'm there. not even zeus could knock me off the road because as god is my witness, i am in my goddamn dr.
and, nothing. no hogwarts. no mansion. no parisian cigarette moment with my boo in the rain. just your room. your walls. your body. again. again. again.
and it doesn't make sense. because the law is the law. you're god. your thoughts create. shifting is instant. so what the fuck is happening.
and look, i used to think there were only two ways to persist. either you're in power mode, clean, cold certainty. emotionally detached, i've already shifted, i'm just reinforcing it. or you're in panic mode, still affirming, still assuming, but there's this silent grip underneath. if i stop deciding this, it'll fall apart. and yeah, on the surface those feel like two different planets. one feels sovereign. the other feels shaky.
but if you strip the tone out of it, if you stop obsessing over how it sounds and just look at the architecture, both are assumptions. both are decisions. both count. because the law doesn't care if you're cool about it or crying about it. it only cares that you're doing it. that it's declared. that it's held. so if both modes are valid, then why do they sometimes fail????????
and this is where it started to come apart for me. because both 'i've already shifted' and 'i need to keep deciding' are still assumptions. one just feels better. it's smoother. but structurally, they're the same. and if the panic one isn't checking, if it's clean panic, if it's quiet panic, it should still land. it should still work. but sometimes it doesn't. and that's what broke the seal. because if it's not about hope, not about doubt, not about waiting, not about checking, and you're affirming like a master shifter, what the fuck is it? and i'll be using me as a poster child of examples and say that, hey, although shifting is now easy for me - i still struggle with manifestations. so. why???
and that question is the reason i'm even writing this at all.
so now maybe you're thinking (if i hopefully have not fully gutted your brain as i have with mine while writing this):
maybe it's because i'm doing it from panic, not power. maybe i'm secretly doubting. maybe i haven't let go. maybe i'm still in the waiting room. maybe that's because i keep looking at the 3d.
no. stop. cut it out. that's noise.
you can be in panic. you can be in power. it doesn't matter. if you are persisting. assuming. deciding. then it should work. that's the rule. that's the contract. it's not a myth. it's not a loophole. it's not some cult-coded trick line you chant and hope it lands. it's the structure. it's the law.
i kept trying to find a reason. maybe it's density. maybe it's linear cause and effect, like flipping a light switch and expecting the bulb. but loa doesn't work like that. and shifting definitely doesn't. it's not circuitry. it's not push-button response.
if you are the light, then the switch shouldn't matter. you're not triggering something, you are the trigger. you're the source. the mechanism. the whole #&*!$%@ circuit board. so what's jamming the signal. if it's not doubt. not timing. not belief. then what.
and here's the closest thing to an answer i've got (half consolation, half theory, fully an attempt to keep myself from throwing my laptop across the room):
you've already shifted. you just haven't caught up to yourself yet.
i know. i hate how that sounds too. it's vague. it's annoying. it feels like spiritual scaffolding. but it's not. or i at least hope it's not.
when we say shifting is instant, we don't mean the wallpaper peels itself off and your mom turns into dumbledore. we mean the moment you decide, the reality activates. the coordinates reroute. the entire grid adjusts.
it's as if you are rerouting a train track mid-motion. you're still moving. but you're not on the same line anymore.
the problem is, we expect the scenery to change with the switch. and sometimes it does. but sometimes it doesn't. and that's because the 3d isn't a flatscreen. it's not theatre. it's not performance. it's a mirror. and mirrors don't update because you want them to. they update because you've changed so deeply that they literally can't reflect the old you anymore.
so when you say "i am in my dr" and it doesn't look like your dr, that's not proof it failed. it's just a delay. you're already in the new field, but the particles haven't aligned. and yeah, that's maddening. because your body feels the shift. your head knows it. but your eyes won't show it. and then you start to doubt. not openly. but subtly. in the quiet. in the repetition.
so. what can i sum up. persistence is not about time. it's about saturation.
it's not about hours logged or how many affirmations you can fire off in a spiral notebook. it's about how deep it goes. how thick it sticks. and no, that doesn't mean screaming it louder. doesn't mean performing it. it means not needing to say it at all. not because you gave up. not because you're done trying. but because it's default now. baseline. unconscious. it is. not a spell. not a statement. just identity.
shifting isn't something you win. it's not a trophy for spiritual discipline. it's a symptom. a side effect of self-recognition so total, so absolute, that there's no room left for contradiction.
so yeah. both "i've already shifted" and "i need to keep deciding" can work. panic or power doesn't matter if the persistence is clean. if you're not checking. not looping. not measuring the silence. but if you're still waiting, even subtly, even spiritually, it's not saturation. it's performance.
and that doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. it just means you're still becoming. still burning off the part of you that thinks shifting is something to win, not something you already are.
and yes, some people shift instantly. some people shift after six months of saying "i'm already there." and they're not better than you. they're not more "aligned."
they just hit saturation faster. their idea of "this is true" had less gunk to burn off.
you say: but i'm god. i decide. why hasn't it happened yet?
and i say: it has. if it feels like it hasn't, you're still relating to it like something outside you. you're still watching for it.
reality isnât late. reality isn't anything. it just reflects. it doesn't show up when you're ready, it has to show up when you're being. not when you want. not when you wait. when you are.
if it's not visible yet, it's not because it's in transit. it's because you're still checking. you're still measuring. youâre not failing. you're not early. you're just still treating truth like a method.
and truth isnât a process. itâs a position. a posture. you don't need to persist for six months. you don't need to reach peak saturation like itâs a score. you just need to stop making realness conditional.
stop affirming like you're earning it. start assuming like it's breath. like itâs done and thereâs nothing to explain.
because shifting isn't slow. it's not cumulative. itâs not linear. itâs identity. the second you say: i am - it's done.
not "on its way." not "almost here." and certainly not "it's glitching."
done. and if you're still asking when, then you haven't decided. not really. so stop trying to time it. just be it.
and look. i still believe shifting is easy. because it is. i've done it. i know it's not in charge. but sometimes it's not about method. it's about the silence in between. and that doesn't make the law wrong. it just makes the process actual. i'm not saying shifting or manifesting is hard. i'm saying that staying loyal to the truth when it hasn't shown its face yet takes a different kind of strength.
you don't have to overanalyse it.
but you're allowed to want to understand it.
that doesn't undo the truth.
it just lets you live inside it better.
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this panel from the world guide of falin being surrounded by other girls while laios is all alone kills me because. that's it. that's the key difference in their journeys.
as laios states himself, he left the village in order to create a home for him and falin elsewhere. a home that won't collapse due to others' hatred and fears like their old home did, a home where they are loved and accepted unconditionally. but as he soon found out, even before earning money, or having walls surrounding him and a roof above his head- what he so earnestly desired was to meet other people who will accept him for who he is as well. instead, he kept being tormented by those around him, shunned and sneered at. his loneliness quickly became all-consuming until he truly had nothing left except for the monsters in the pages of his book, but even that became a target of mockery and destroyed. that's why ever since the day he left the village, he never felt that he truly made the right choice. so he kept running away: unable to resist and unable to accpet.
and an ocean away from him there was his sister, who never managed to fully fit in herself. but unlike him, she met a person who became a home to her and learned what a true friendship was for the first time in her life. and laios clearly realizes that too when he finally sees falin and marcille together, he can tell his sister obtained the greatest treasure there is on her own- the exact thing he never managed to find anywhere himself, thus coming back empty-handed to the sister he left the village for.
but when you read this part of the manga, laios's focus is on falin's loneliness, not his own. he talks about how it hurts thinking about all those moments she had to spend alone because he wasn't there for her, so it almost sounds like he's the one who couldn't bear her suffering and therefore decided to not let her go again. but we do get a glimpse of their first meeting after that almost-decade long separation in the manga, and then we see more of that in the world guide and daydream hour- and it becomes abundantly clear that it was falin who was trying to protect and save him from this pit of loneliness and depression he was in.
so instead of just doing his best to atone for leaving her behind in the village and making sure she is never lonely again, it might also be that laios was desperately clinging to the one person in the world he felt that accepted and loved him unconditionally. those words he used to describe his motivation to stay by falin's side are the exact words she would've used as well; she couldn't bear leaving him behind in this state. in a sense, they were each other's shackles.
but then she did. she died for him and their friends, and ironically enough, it was by leaving him alone like this that he was finally able to stand on his own and put his full trust in others. to have the courage to reveal who he is and give others the opportunity to accept him after such a long time of hiding. it was a long journey, but his hiding finally came to an end when he faced the others after shedding his monster form. and i love that the person who was falin's "home" all those years away from laios, marcille, became just as meaningful to him during their time separated from falin- the first one to find him and show him that he isn't alone anymore. just as he did for her.
so at the end of the story when falin talks about all the places she would like to go, it's not just that she wants to pursue her own dreams- but that she actually feels free to do so and go anywhere she desires. and one of the main reasons for that is that her brother finally found new people he wants to be with; his own home.
#im listening to fmab sad soundtrack while writing this im gonna die actually#dungeon meshi#laios touden#falin touden
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hi!!! could you write aaron x bau! reader, where jack accidentally finds a positive pregnancy test in the bathroom or somewhere in a drawer before reader gets a chance to tell aaron)))đ«¶đ»
tells
omg omg i could cry đ«¶đ»đ„č cw; pregnant bau!reader, mentions of pregnancy symptoms, a ton of fluff <3 wc; 1k
"Hi sweetheart."
Aaron's eyes rose as you entered his office, before returning to the files laid atop his desktop, a paper in his right hand. His stare had lingered momentarily, so he noticed the bag in your hand. "Heading out?"
"Yup, gotta pick up Jack." You replied, hoping you sounded somewhat normal, given your current circumstances. You felt as if your voice was borderline squeaky, in that attempt to remain normal, while also resisting the urge to bounce on your toes. "You coming with?"
On another note, you were so incredibly thankful to be leaving early; overwhelmed with nausea, back pain, fatigue. Ginger ale had been within arm's reach all day, an achingly long day. Laying in bed had never sounded more appealing.
"No, I wish I could. There's a few consults I need to look over before tomorrow. It shouldn't take too long, though." He got up, inching towards you, "I can, however, spare some time for you."
Your nose scrunched in amusement, leaning up to peck his lips, "You're too good to me."
He chased your lips, murmuring into the kiss with a soft smirk and teasing you right back, "I do try."
After the two of you pulled away (and a whistle echoed outside from a passing Derek Morgan), you toyed with his tie, smoothing it cleanly against his torso. "Don't stay too late, okay?"
"I won't." Aaron kissed you once, twice more before retreating back to his desk. He held onto your hand for as long as possible, causing it to fall gracefully to your side. "I'll be home before dinner, I promise."
Instead of leaving, all you could do was stand there; staring at him, completely giddy. The secret you held, it made you feel a whole new kind of love when you looked at him. The father of your unborn child, the perfect addition to your family. A new love you had created together.
Aaron's gaze lifted, catching you ogling him, a confused smile forming on his face. "What?"
"Oh, nothing. Nothing at all." You shrugged, forcing your feet towards the door. "I'll see you at home."
His eyes narrowed suspiciously, playfully. He absolutely didn't buy it. "Okay, drive safe."
-
"Hi." Jack greeted, climbing into the backseat and shutting the door behind him. He struggled the smallest amount, his backpack weighing him down.
"Hey Jackers," You twisted behind, offering a warm smile, "have a good day?"
"Yeah." He verified, and left it at that. He simply settled in, buckling up.
While you had thought you were the one being strange, he was definitely more so. As you took the route home, he remained quiet in the back, rather than being his usual talkative, wanting-to-tell-you-everything-about-his-day self. You peered at him in the rearview, observing him.
He didn't look pale, so hopefully he wasn't coming down with something. He didn't seem upset - his eyebrows always pinched together in worry when he was. Even this morning during breakfast for instance, he seemed far away, off in his own world. If you didn't know any better, he looked on edge, but in a jittery, seemingly excited way. Antsy, and oddly familiar.
"You okay?"
Jack nodded, keeping his eyes out the window. His absorbed expression indicated the gears continuing to turn in his mind.
"Did something happen today? You're awfully quiet."
"I have a question."
You stopped the car, arriving home, turning around in your seat again to fully look at him. "You know you can ask me anything. Whatever's on your mind, nothing's off limit."
His eyes lit up, hopeful yet quizzical. He quietly and timidly asked, "Am I getting a baby brother or sister?"
You blinked at him, surprised, as that was the last thing you expected to come out of his mouth. But you couldn't stop the small smile tugging its way onto your face. Not only because you were happy, of course, but you also didn't want him thinking he had done something wrong. "What makes you ask that?"
"I wasn't snooping, I promise. I went into your bathroom to look for some floss - Dad said I could, said it was in the top left drawer - and I saw it, it said pregnant. But I didn't mean to see, I swear."
Your expression softened sweetly, a gentle laugh escaping you too, "It's okay buddy, that's completely on me. I didn't do a very good job of concealing it at all."
An adorable, boyish smile pulled at his lips, the words leaving him shyly. He could infer the answer, but he needed the actual confirmation. "So... am I?"
After a moment's silence, letting the suspense linger, you confirmed, your heart bursting as you did. "You are."
"Yes!" He nearly shouted, immediately unbuckling his seatbelt and throwing his arms around you, as much as he could with the obstacle of the driver's seat. His arms mainly reached around your neck.
You laughed gleefully, your hands raising to his arms, squeezing them gently - a makeshift hug for the meantime. Tears dared to spill down your cheeks, overwhelmed with emotion.
He released the embrace, sobering for a moment and the realization beginning to fully set in. "I'm really getting a sister?"
"It could be a boy too." You arched a brow, grinning.
"Yeah," he matched your smile, buzzing with happiness. "And I'd love that too. But, I think it's gonna be a girl."
"Well, we'll just have to wait and see." You shrugged coyly, "It's still quite early, so we won't be able to find out for a couple weeks."
"Weeks?" He whined painfully, but it faded as fast as it had appeared. "I'm so excited. I can't wait."
"You wanna know something else?" He nodded profusely. "You're the only one who knows."
Jack's eyes brightened more if it were possible, in both exhilaration and shock. "Seriously?!"
For the meantime, it was a special secret, shared just between the two of you. You could've sobbed right there, between his genuine sweetness and excitement. And the hormones.
Regardless, he was going to be the best big brother.
"Dad doesn't know?"
"Not yet. I was brainstorming how to tell him, how to tell you, but you were just too quick for me." You flashed him a teasing grin. "That means you have to help me come up with a fun way to tell him, and quick, because I think he's onto me. Deal?"
Jack held out his pinky, interlocking it with yours. "Deal."
#aaron hotchner x reader#aaron hotchner#aaron hotchner fluff#aaron hotchner x you#aaron hotchner x fem!reader#aaron hotch x reader#aaron hotchner imagine#criminal minds#criminal minds x reader#criminal minds x you#criminal minds drabble#aaron hotchner drabble#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds fanfiction#hotch imagine#criminal minds x fem!reader
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megumi loves showering with you, but it's not even in a sexual way. it was just the way you massaged your slender fingers into his raven locks so lovingly, the scent of your sweet-smelling shampoo filling his nostrils as your fingertips scraped his scalp that made him want to shed tears; the way he finds comfort in the warm water cascading around the two of you, steam rising and enveloping the small space like a gentle hug.
soft music plays from outside the shower, overlapping the constant sound of the water running. the gentle notes of glue song by beabadoobee fill the air, your soft hums mixing with the words as you wash his hair, creating a soothing melody and drowning out the world outside. the way you tenderly rinse out the lather, eyes occasionally meeting with that playful spark, makes him feel secure, almost cherished as he tries to fight back the small twitch of his lips.
"close your eyes," you say softly. "let me wash it out." the warm water from the showerhead runs through his hair, and the feeling of your hands in his hair makes him rest a gentle hand on your shoulder. the soft melody of the song playing adds to the calm atmosphere. as you finish rinsing out the shampoo, megumi smiles at you, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead.
âmy turn,â he murmurs as he turns you around, giving your arm a gentle caress as he squeezes a generous amount of shampoo onto his calloused palm, combing through your dark locks with his other hand as you giggle. the pale pink liquid forms suds in your hair, and he gently massages it into your head as you sing along to the music, a smile on your face. bringing the showerhead to your head as you did for him and turning it on, he cups your cheek and tells you to close your eyes. he runs his rough fingertips through your silky hair, watching in awe as the soap suds clear out. âyour hairâŠâ he mumbles. âthis is why it smells so goodâŠâ
you chuckle softly, squeezing your eyes shut as shampooey water runs over your eyes.
âyou say that every time.â
âthatâs because it smells too good not to say anything, y/n.â
he cups your cheeks, murmuring softly to relax your eyes as you close them so that he can squeeze out the water, just in case it hurt them; he uses the pads of his thumbs to gently press against your eyelids, trying to hide the slight twitch of his lips as you scrunch your nose.
the moments stretch into a quiet intimacy as water drips rhythmically around you, each drop a soft reminder of the bond you share. he leans into your touch, eyes fluttering closed as he relishes the feeling of being cared for. sometimes, you share stories, laughter intertwining with the sound of water, and his heart swells at the joy of these simple, yet profound moments. it's a retreat from everything else, a sanctuary built on trust and warmth, where the chaos of life fades away, leaving only the sweet solace of companionship. and in those fleeting moments, he realizes that itâs not just a showerâitâs a little piece of heaven, a small escape that he longs for, more and more each day.
âguess what iâm drawing on your back,â you giggle. âdraw what you feel on the fog.â
tracing your slender finger over his back, megumi frowns in concentration as he uses his calloused fingertip to draw what he feels on his back onto the fogged-up glass door, making you laugh yet again.
âwhat is that, gumi?â
âi donât know. what is that, y/n?â
âthe doggies, nutmeg.â
âdonât call me that.â
your laughter bounces softly off the bathroom walls, and megumi lets out a quiet grumble. after a moment of silence, he clears his throat and turns to trace his own finger along the glass door again, this time more deliberate.
you tilt your head curiously as you watch him. âwhatâre you drawing now?â
he doesnât answer, focused on the small shapes forming beneath his fingertip. when he steps aside, you see itâa little family of stick figures, one noticeably smaller than the other two, with scribbly âdogsâ beside them.
âmegumi,â you whisper softly, feeling your heart squeeze.
he shrugs, his tone casual but his expression soft. âjust thinking itâd be nice, you know. you, me, the dogs⊠and maybe a little girl.â
your chest tightens with warmth as you stare at the little drawing. you can almost hear the giggles of a child blending into the sound of the water, a soft addition to these peaceful moments.
megumi doesnât say anything more, but the way his hand lingers over yours and the small upward tug of his lips tells you enough. and in that moment, he can imagine these showers, but with a small, giggling girl in the mix, her laughter filling the space with a kind of joy he never knew he needed.
a/n â megumi would def be a girl dad and im gonna say this till the day i die guys i need him to carry my child hes too wholesome my adorable husband :((((
thank you for reading, ily ! lmk if you wanna be tagged and remember, reqs are always open loves !
© evergumi
#đ đđđđđđđđ writes . Ęâ#megumi fushiguro#megumi x y/n#megumi x reader#megumi fluff#jjk megumi#megumi jjk#fushiguro megumi#megumi fushiguro x reader#jujutsu megumi#megumi x you#jujutsu kaisen megumi#fluff#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk oneshot#jjk fluff#jjk x y/n#fushiguro#fushiguro x yn#fushiguro megumi x reader#idk#boyfriend#megumi bf#boyfriend!megumi#bf!megumi#fem!reader#male!reader#husband
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gojo satoru x reader | oneshot angst [18+]
title. let me be free of you

He would live in this lifetime of hell over and over again if it meant that in some other one, there exists a world where he never hurts you.
á° pairing. friends to strangers au - best friend!gojo x reader (f)
á° summary. gojo satoru, your love of a lifetime, tells you heâs engaged to another woman. inspired by the novel & netflix series âone dayâ created by david nicholls
á° warnings/tags. 18+, fem!reader, angst, mentions of sex/explicit content, coming of age themes, reader & gojo are in their 30s, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of alcohol, cheating, lots of mutual pining & longing, bittersweet ending
á° word count. 4.8k
a/n. hellooo! i've had this finished in my wips folder for a long time but never got around to posting it sooo just wanted to let it see the light of day haha. hope you enjoyyy <33
âž masterlist
âIâm engaged.â
The words leave Gojoâs lips as much less of a confession and more like a blabber, like a toddler desperate to keep conversation going in the face of a disinterested adult. Wasnât how he expected to share the news of a lifetime to the love of his lifetime, but he hopes it breaks your heart to hear it.Â
He watches your eyebrows flatten from the crease that was bothering them before, and then slowly raise into soft arches above your eyesâthose damn beautiful eyes that, even when they twinkle with hurt, still make his heart skip a beat in his chest.
He recalls for a moment the night the two of you met, drunk and dizzy from drinking out of a shared bottle of Prosecco, which only had half of the liquor left in it to start when he had first found it bleeding out to dry on the grassy lawn at the front of your university. It was graduation night, the last day to celebrate finishing four years of hell, and he had nothing to his name other than a rolled up diploma shoved in the pocket of his suit pants and the charm left in the youth of his smile. He wanted to spend the night with Aiko Rei, which was not a unique desire as most men on campus did, and he had a fair shot of getting into bed with her just like all those times before. But instead he was sitting at the top of a staircase inside the campusâs English literature building, making history in the crisp year of 1986 by being the first man of the robust age of twenty-three to pass up sex with the schoolâs lady heartthrob forâwell, conversation with a sort of ditsy girl that he just met a half hour ago.
âWhat do you plan to do with your life?â he heard you ask him, a hard enough question to stomach when one is sober, and an impossible question to stomach when one is already trying not to puke flat Prosecco.
âPardon?â he asked, in hopes to dissuade you from the question. In hopes that youâd get the hint. But you donât. And heâd soon learn throughout the years of your friendship to come that you never did.
âYour life!â you exclaim, âweâre graduates now! What do you want to do with it?â You pat harshly at his thigh, closer to his groin than to his pocket, most likely because youâre tipsy too, but he realizes youâre referring to the rolled up paper protruding at the pocket.Â
Truthfully, Gojo had never thought much about what he wanted to do after graduation. Hell, he didnât even think heâd make it this far. Not once since he got here, not once since he flunked out of first-year history, not once since his father passed away during his third-year final examinations, and most certainly not after he got caught having âunethical affairsâ with his communications professor just two months ago. And yet the esteemed board of scholars decided he was fit for a diploma anyway, and now heâs answering to, effectively, a stranger what he plans to do with said piece of paper.
âI donât know,â he says to you, âIâll do whatever.âÂ
Gojo Satoru could get by with doing whatever. He was good at everything he did. But his teachers and mentors and his own father would always warn himâ son, itâs better to be an expert at one than a half-assed show-off in all. Well, they wouldnât use the expletives, but thatâs what it had sounded like in his head.
His dad wouldâve liked you. He was always telling him to find a girl that challenges him, asks him the right questions, and pushes him to become a better man, the kind of woman his mother was to his father. Much opposed to the airheaded girls of Gojoâs college campus he would sneak into the house and forget to shoo off before sunrise, an occurrence that happened enough times for the respect in his fatherâs eyes to dwindle with each woman heâd watch his son dispel from their residence. Until eventually, Gojo started paying rent as punishment.
So, twenty-three year old Gojo, what do you plan to do with your life? Or do you have no idea of anything that extends beyond where you are right now, sitting across this strange girl youâve just met on the death of your educational youth, at the top of a stairwell lined with passed out, drunk newly grads at nearly 4 in the morning? Right now, heâs eyeing the hem of your dress, the way itâs ridden up slightly but the mesh overskirt still tickles the skin of your thigh. Heâs certainly able to picture whatâs beyond that fabric, and maybe imagine the color of your panties, but whatâs to come for his life? No. As previously mentioned, he never thought heâd get this far.
Gojo is thirty-four now, eleven years since that night the two of you met. And he sits next to you on a garden bench under a pitch black sky with stars speckled across, but only dimly visible.Â
Itâs been years since heâs seen you. You two had a âfalling outâ at the cusp of thirty, almost a decade of friendship fizzled away, because of his selfish actions. He couldnât let you go, but he couldnât want you the way you wanted him either. He didnât feel like he deserved to have you. You were too good for him, and he knew it. So he wasted a decade chasing after other women, and in return, he lost the one he knew he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with.
Itâs the night of your college roommateâs wedding, all gathered here today to celebrate their love, and he knew heâd run into you here. You were the brideâs maiden of honor, and you looked beautiful. With your hair half tied up, a pretty clip twinkling with every movement of your head, and with strands falling down over the smooth curve of your neck, bare skin of your chest tightly covered by the nude fabric of your dress. He was fully lusting after you, and he has been all night, the picture of beauty and grace, and it was wrong. Because, again, heâsâ
âYouâre engaged?â you finally break through his thoughts, break through the trance that he was lost in by the sea of your eyes. Forever pulling him in like you were a wicked siren for his soul, when all youâve ever wanted from him was his love.
He shifts a little, the thick fabric of his navy blue suit stretching with the movement as he fidgets with his hands in his lap. Heâs sitting close to you, his shoulder brushing against yours, the contrast of his broad masculinity so evident against the feminine curve of your bare arm, the thin strap holding up your dress threatening to fall down the hill. His thumb twitches, because he wants to pull it back up into place for you like a gentleman, but heâs not sure if thatâs what his hand would actually do. Because all he really wants to do is peel the dress off of you.Â
âYes,â he says, still tantalized by the glow of your skin under pale moonlight, âengaged.â
âTo be married?â
âWell, what other kind of engaged is there?â
âYouâre not allowed to get married.â
He snorts. âSays who?â
âSays me!â you exclaim, sitting up straighter, "I turn my back for one moment, and you've gone an got engaged? You're awful!" The strap of your dress falls down over your shoulder, his eyes immediately darting to it. He sees you pull the strap up back into place, and a flit of his eyes to your face reveals to him the slight dusting of an embarrassed pink to your cheeks.Â
Thereâs a silence that settles between the two of you. Distant commotion is heard, likely from the wedding venue as people engage in reception activities and dances and cheers, while the two of you remain in this garden escape, the wall of primly trimmed bushes sheltering you two from having to pretend to be people youâre not amongst a crowd.
âAikoâŠâ he hears you say beside him, and although the name of the woman that has rolled off your tongue is the name of the woman heâs supposed to love, it only makes him feel sick to his stomach to hear you say her name. âShe seems lovely.â
âShe is,â is all he can manage to say. And he also knows this seemingly lovely woman is probably drunk off her face back at the reception hall, giggling at all the men that approach her from the sight of her flushed face, and he should feel some sort of jealousy or possessiveness over that, but he canât seem to muster any. Unlike the grit he had to his jaw an hour ago when he saw you dancing with a man he heard you introduce to your friends as just an âold friendâ of yours from college. He felt more anger in that moment than heâd ever felt watching his soon-to-be-wife getting talked up to by the sleazy men twice her age.Â
âShe must be very rich,â you say. âShe looks it.â
âOh. Yeah. Her familyâs very well off,â Gojo says.
âSo will you become rich too?â you ask him, âwhen you marry her.â
His eyes flit to the sky briefly. âDoubt it.â
âHow come?â
âThe old man doesnât like me very much. I imagine heâll cut ties after the wedding.â
âHer father?â
âYes.â
âAnd why is that?â
âWell. I guess itâs not every fatherâs dream to find out his prim and proper daughterâs been knocked up by the good-for-nothing boyfriend heâs been threatening her to say good riddance to for months now.â
The silence finds the two of you again, but this time haunting and gutting. That was a blabber, if anything. So nonchalantly said, with no emotion or spirit, to the one person in this world who heâs always felt like he can be himself around.
âSheâs pregnant?â you say beside him, voice breaking slightly at the end, and he canât bear to look at you for some reason. Some sort of admission of guilt, but what for? What exactly was he repenting for?
He lets out a small laugh, like the absurdity of the situation finds him all the same. âYeah.âÂ
âThatââ you start, stiff next to him, before he feels the tension relax but only rigidly, âthatâs wonderful, Satoru. Iâmâ...Iâm really happy for you.â You turn your torso to wrap your arms around him, and his lips brush the sweet skin on your forehead as you bury your face in the crook of his neck. He wraps one arm around you, a sort of friendly hug as he rubs the skin of your arm soothingly, and his heart aches from the emptiness when you release him.Â
âWowâŠâ you say, looking up at him with pretty eyes, eyelashes fluttering as you blink rapidly to process the information, and he wonders if you really are happy for him. He doesnât want you to be. He wants you to be furious, to tell him off for getting another woman pregnant after leading you on for so many years, maybe he wants you to slap him, or grab him by the collar of his shirt and shake him until all he sees is a million of you through dizzy vision like some paradise. He wants you to be mad, because itâd mean that you still care. Itâd mean that you still think thereâs something here to salvage between the two of you.Â
But heâs engaged. And heâs having a baby. What was more final than that?
âSoâŠare you marrying her because ofââ
âThe wedding is in four weeks,â he cuts you off, but he knows the statement answers your question regardless.
âSatoruâŠâ
He leans off to the side a little to reach into the pocket of his suit pants, and he pulls out what is now a slightly bent envelope and he hands it to you. You take it from him gently, holding it weakly like it was something beyond you. Like something distant and foreign and strange. When all it was, is a wedding invitation.Â
âListenâŠâ he starts.
He sees your eyes dazed as you stare at the lettering on the outside of the envelope.
âWeâve been friends for a long time, y/n. And I know the last time we saw each other wasââ Hostile. Angry. Disappointing. Ended with you cussing him out on the street and then saying you never want to see him again. â...not ideal, but I still care a lot about you, and, uh, so, it would mean a lot to me if you came to the wedding.â For fucks sake, even on the brink of losing you forever, he still canât find the right words to say. âAiko, sheââ He tastes bitter in his mouth, âwell, Iâve told her a lot about you, and sheâd really love it if you came as well.â
Youâre silent as you gently peel back the opening of the letter and then pull out the small card stock invitation. The gold printed letters shine as you inspect it, fingers tracing the patterns of words that profess the Rei familyâs intent to wed their daughter to Gojo Satoru. Your Gojo Satoru. Your best friend in this whole wide world. He watches your eyes carefully, but he canât discern what he finds in them.
âGojo SatoruâŠâ you drone off, âto be wed. And to be a father.â Years of late night talks of the future, of kids and Christmas and love, with reality seemingly sly on the horizon only to have crept up so abruptly. It was pinched between your fingers right now. That reality.
His shoulders sulk slightly. And when you look up at him again, thereâs a sheen of tears in your eyes.
âI canât come to this,â you whisper, âand you know that, Satoru.â
His heart breaks. A physical pain that twists in his chest so tight at just the sight of seeing you sad. Sad again over the actions of his own. They say you always hurt the one you love, and he had always wondered what sort of evil person would do such a thing, only to find out heâs only ever hurt you this entire time.Â
He shouldâve kissed you that night the two of you met at graduation. Shouldâve shut you up and all your existential questions by pinning you to a wall and pressing his lips against yours. He shouldâve taken you to bed and fucked you, and then held you in his arms until you woke up in the morning. Shouldâve listened to you talk his ear off about how heâs just like all the other guys, who pretend to care, but only want to have sex and then never to speak to the girl ever again. And he shouldâve laid there in bed, nose nuzzled in your hair, taking all the scolding despite having no intent to ever leave you.
Instead, he wasted so much time. Sure, he had your friendship. His best friend for years, but the two of you couldâve been something more. Couldâve spent the years together, instead of writing stained letters or leaving messages on answering machines while the two of you were miles away. He couldâve been waking up with you every morning with the scent of your shampoo on his sheets, instead of clinging to pillows in foreign motel rooms. He couldâve been engaged to you, and he could be whispering sweet nothings in your ear of how much he wishes the baby will have your eyes.Â
But his thoughts are lost in fantasy. He is what heâs done, nothing more and nothing less. His eyes fall to your lap, the invitation still held loosely in your hand, and then a droplet of water falls onto it.
âIââ you stutter, wiping at the tears spilling down your cheeks with a hesitant swipe of your hand, âI need to go.â
You stand up off the bench and he quickly stands up with you, grabbing your wrist to keep you here with him, and you halt but only with you facing away from him. He yanks at your wrist harshly, pulling you into him so his chest is flush to your back, his arms wrapping strongly around you and his nose nuzzling into your hair, breathing you in greedily like itâs the last time heâll ever get the chance.
âSatoruââ you gasp, your hands immediately grabbing at his forearms that are tightly crossed across your collarbone. âWhat are you doingââÂ
âSay it,â he whispers, gruff and impatient, âtell me to do it, and I will.â
âT-Tell you to do what?â you stutter, struggling a little in his hold but he only holds you tighter.
âTell me to leave her, and I will,â he says, his lips brushing at your ear now, the scent of your perfume maddening to his senses, and one of his hands slowly trails down and the knuckle of his thumb presses into the softness of your breast.
You squirm, a small and soft moan leaving your lips.
âTââ you breathe in harshly, âthis is wrong.âÂ
âI donât care,â he growls, arms sliding lower to hold you under your breasts, so tightly that your heels lift off the ground. âJust say the word, and Iâll leave everything behind for you. I promise,â he breathes in deep, the desperation making his head hazy, âthat Iâll do things right this time. Just you and meââÂ
âYouâre going to be a father,â you remind him, and he shuts his eyes closed tightly, the responsibility of the word bearing on his shoulders but his desire for you overshadows every shred of sense or dignity or integrity he has left in him, because he felt like he was losing his mind after wanting you for years just to never have you.Â
He turns you around in his hold so that you face him, and he crashes his lips to yours, muffling the surprised mmf! that dies in your throat in surprise as his hands hold your waist, relishing in the feeling of satin fabric pulled taut over your curves.
Forbidden, yet a taste that heâll risk because there was no curse that was worse than the fate of having to pine after you for years.
Ah.
But.
But it was all fantasy, this moment in his head, where he takes you on the freshly cut grass of this garden.Â
Something that only briefly flashes through his mind as his warm hand wraps around your wrist, from where he was still seated on the stone bench, and not on his feet holding you like he dreamed for. Like he longed for.
He feels the weight of his arm so heavily, as if it werenât his own, and he slowly lets go of your wrist.
When he looks up at you, thereâs longing in your eyes. A hurt that he didnât even know he was capable of causing, just for him to realize that youâve always looked at him that way, and heâs never been keen enough to know it until now. He grew up too late. He took too long.
His phone starts buzzing in his pocket, and he reaches in for it, then flips it open and sees his soon-to-be-wifeâs name on it. He feels nothing at the sight.
âHello?â he speaks into the device when he holds it to his ear, and he sees you take a couple steps away, rubbing anxiously at your elbow as you pretend to busy yourself with the study of the lamp. âYes, Iâll be there soon. I, uh, Iâm just with a friend. A couple of friends, actually. Weâre having drinks by the pond. Mhm. Yes. I will. Okay, see you soon. IââŠI love you too. Bye.â And then he snaps the phone shut.Â
âHeading back?â he hears you ask.
He stands. âIâve got to.â
âOkay.âÂ
You two walk down the shrubbery of the garden that was arranged like a maze, him a few paces behind you, and he watches the delicate line of your posture as your hand brushes against the green walls of foliage that encase the two of you, the feeling of wanting to touch you and hold you almost suffocating.Â
âHey,â he calls out to you, and he shoves his hands in his suit pockets. You turn around immediately to face him, like his voice was permission to do so.
âYes?â you ask.
He blinks up at the starry sky, and then looks at you again. The soft cast of distant warm lighting falls over your face, making you appear like a renaissance painting, similar to those that you would point out to him at museums when you two would see each other on holiday back in your early twenties. He could never understand the charm of those paintings, no matter how many times you tried to explain it to him, but seeing you in this light right now, he finally understands the beauty that you saw.Â
âIâm, uh,â he rubs at the back of his neck, and then scoffs out a small laugh, âIâm a little drunk right now, butââ He stops himself. What was he trying to say? And was it of conscious mind? âI just need to tell you thatâŠI really regretâŠnot speaking to you. I mean, for letting the silence drag on for years. Youâre myâ...my best friend. Weâre a pair, you know? The two of us. For years, people would ask me where you were. And why they havenât seen us together at all recently. And it was hard to admit that we hadnât spoken in years.â
You take the smallest of steps towards him, and look up at him with empty eyes.Â
âWhat Iâm trying to say is, is that, well,â he finds himself tripping over his words, âI miss you. And I miss our friendship. Andâ...I miss having you around.â He glances down at his shoes, polished and reflecting off the moonlight directly above him. He rocks back and forth on his heels ever so slightly. âI know you said that I piss you off to lengths unimaginable to my tiny pea-sized brain, but I canât help myself, y/n,â he admits, âI think you and I, weâre just meant to always be. In some how, or some wayâŠâ
You purse your lips together, gaze shifting lower to eye at the silk of his tie.Â
âCan we be friends again?â he asks, the words feeling juvenile on his tongue. Like whispered apologies between children on a playground after shoving one another onto wooden chips, except the wounds heâs left on you run much deeper than a superficial scrape.Â
You blink slowly, tilting your head up at him. âFriends?â
âFriends.â
You wipe your palm off on the satin of your dress. âI missed you too, you know.â
His eyes widened slightly.
Your hand finds its way up your arm, until you weakly cup your elbow with your palm and look off to the side, avoiding eye contact with him. âThere were so many years where I thought that there was something between us. And maybe I was foolish for thinking that way, that you would ever see me that wayââ
ây/n,â he tries to interrupt you.Â
âButâŠthe pain of not having you the way I wanted to was much less worse than the pain of not having you at all,â you say, your gaze finally shifting towards him. âBut, the thing is, I needed to feel that pain to get over you. I had to.â
His heart stills at those words.
You glance down at the ground now. âI missed being able to tell you things. To laugh, and cry, and argue. I miss humbling your stupid ego. I miss being able to call you at any time, knowing youâd pick up when I needed you.â
His heart aches so much he wants to reach into his chest and hold it.
âThe thing is,â you continue, âyou wouldâve been the first person I wouldâve run to to tell them that I lost my best friend.â There were tears shining in your eyes. âBut what could I do when you were the one that I had lost? Who could I have turned to then?â
He lets out a shaky breath, and in a swift motion, his arm wraps around your waist and he pulls you to him in an embrace.
Youâre stiff in his hold, mechanical and rigid, so contrary to the soft tears you leave behind on the fabric of his sleeve, but slowly and surely, you warm and thaw. Your hands slide up past his shoulders, linking behind his neck. And his head drops to the curve of your neck, swaying you with him slowly as if it were a first dance.
âIâm sorry,â he whispers, âfor hurting you.â
You breathe out slowly. âJust let me go, Satoru. Let me be free. Let me be free of you.â
He feels the air knock out of his lungs, and the two of you slowly pull your heads away from the embrace to look at one another, although your hands still find a place on his shoulders, and he still holds you close to him by a delicate hold of your waist.Â
He wonders if in another life, you two were happy. He wonders if he could ever take back all the decisions he made, and start all over again. On that day the two of you met on that staircase in the west wing of the literature building, he would make a different choice. If he could, he would live in this lifetime of hell over and over again if it meant that in some other one, there exists a world where he never hurts you.Â
âItâs time for me to go,â you whisper, eyes darting across the features of his face, studying them but with a familiarity that only you know, because you held his entire life in your palm. Your gaze meets his again, faces just inches apart, and the sweet curl of your eyelashes makes him weak in the knees. âItâs time.â
He nods slowly, his own eyes studying your face as well, except it looks foreign to him now.Â
Itâs all been said and done. There was nothing he could do to right the wrongs, or undo all the pain. He was to be a father now, and his duties were now towards his wife and unborn child. And no longer to the woman he holds in his arms, one heâs sure he will never stop loving for as long as he lives.Â
Itâs a sweet moment, the two of you gazing at one another. You look so pretty from this angle, looking up at him with the smallest tilt to your head and round searching eyes. His head subconsciously dips down towards yours in the second that he glances at your lips, but he stops himself. And when you make no move to create distance, he finds himself closing it again, until his lips brush against yours ever so softly. And then he captures them in a kiss, firm and unmistaken, finding solace in the way your lips move against his too, unsure yet passionately at the same time. Your fingers ever so slightly dig into his shoulders while his thumbs soothe at the skin of your waist, the two of you savoring the last moments of a kiss thatâll be the sweetest one youâll ever know.
You pull away first, a small puff of air leaving your lips as you glance downwards. He rests his forehead against yours, never once looking away from your face. And you both breathe slowly, the soul of the chaste kiss entirely vanishing into the air along with all the hope that the two of you had left to make anything of the way you feel about one another. It was a kiss that almost disqualified any level of sin or guilt or wrong, because it was like one you two owed each other, after years of familiarity and longing. It was the goodbye that the two of you deserved.
His hands slowly let go of your waist, and he takes a step back away from you, softly clearing his throat. The distance feels like a galaxy away, and he briefly runs his thumb along his bottom lip, because the ghostly feeling of your lips on his still remains.Â
âShall we head back?â you ask him, prim and proper in posture and eyes widened in a formal gaze.
His lips are parted, and he finds that heâs panting slightly. And then he slowly nods his head. âYes.â
.
.
.
[the end]Â
a/n. i am sooooo freaking obsessed w "one day" by david nicholls and really wanted to write something inspired by it!! the book literally ripped my heart out and stomped on it like there were so many scenes where i just longingly stared out the window because of how shattering it was but dear god i really enjoyed it, and the show was also so dfkjhsfkhs i had sm feels watching it. so yea this was fun to write!! i hope you enjoyedd n thanks so much for reading :)
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#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#gojo x reader#gojo x reader angst#gojo satoru angst#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x reader angst#angst#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk x reader#jujutsu kaisen angst#jjk angst#gojo satoru x reader oneshot angst#oneshot#gojo satoru x reader oneshot#gojo satoru smut#gojo x reader smut#gojo angst#friends to lovers#friends to strangers#lovers to strangers#romance#pining#sad ending#tension#longing#unrequited feelings#gojo oneshot angst#gojo satoru oneshot#gojo satoru x you
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For the past few years I've been enchanted by the idea of the divine as intrinsically horrific and dehumanizing, but not in the usual assumption (pun intended), where the intrinsic dehumanization and horror comes from something like "A god looked at me and I turned into stone" or "I, a mortal, looked at a god and got turned into a laurel tree".
I've been thinking about it in the opposite direction. Where being a god is intrinsically horrific and dehumanizing.
To put it another way: I've been writing a lot from the perspective of divinity where the god experiences godhood in the way a haunted house experiences househood. You were created by mortals for comfort, for condolence, for safety, for sympathy. You were built with all the care and special attention to ensure that you would last a long time--longer than your inhabitants would live, but that's fine, because they'll leave you descendants.
Except you, unlike the average house, have a brain. Have hands. Have a stomach which can hunger but never starve. You cannot die, but you know what death is. You see humans and raccoons and spiders and trees and rocks and everything else in this whole world die all the time, but it will not touch you.
How many years do you think it takes before your mouth starts to salivate like your gut's gone sour? How many endings do you have to witness before you begin to stop caring when things you paid attention to die? How many times do you hear your name contort and twist under the weight of different empires' languages before you stop recognizing it as yours anymore, and cease answering when they call?
How long does it take before you stop being capable of interacting with the rest of the world in a way that a person can understand, can safely comprehend, would ever want to experience?
And how much of that, do you think, do you let happen on purpose, because the alternatives were all too much to even begin to imagine after one too many mountains turned to sand before your eyes?
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YOU & ME

Pairing: JJ Maybank x reader
Summary: After returning to OBX, after the events of the past four years have cooled off, JJ realizes it's about time he asks you a very important question.Â
Warning: JJ deserves a happy ending! Season 4 spoilers.
word count. 1k || masterlist
JJ found you out on the dock, leaning over the railing and looking at something in the water. He smiled to himself as he strolled toward you, running his fingers over the ring he stuffed in his pocket.Â
âFind any treasure down there?â JJ asked as he approached you.
You threw him a look over your shoulder. âNot funny,â you replied, but there was a smile on your lips that told him otherwise.Â
The Pogues had rightfully retired from their treasure-hunting days. Too many close calls and they werenât willing to risk it anymore. They didnât need to, not after finally cashing out for the last time. JJ, with your guidance and gentle threats, promised to be responsible with his share this time around. For the first time in his life, he saw a future illuminated brightly ahead of him. He had you, his friends, and even a God-daughter now. While his risky tendencies werenât completely put to bed, he was comfortable where he stood and finally felt like he could relax.Â
All in all, he was happy. But there was still something he had yet to do.Â
He slung an arm around your shoulder, pulling you into his side as you both gazed at the water. As much as he had once enjoyed action and adventure, JJ partially used it as an escape. He felt like he had been running from something his whole life, trying to make sense of why he was the way he was. He used to think that, if he never slowed down, nothing would have the chance to hurt him too much. But then he found a family within his friends and a reason to stop running within you. He didnât need to escape anymore or run. He didnât need to make sense of anything anymore. JJ Maybank finally had everything he had been looking for. His world made sense for the first time, and he had no intention of screwing that up.Â
âYou okay?â you asked softly, reaching up and brushing a hand across his cheek.Â
âYeah, just thinkinâ.â
âUh-oh,â you teased, moving to stand in front of him. You hugged him lightly, peering at him with furrowed brows. âThinkinâ about what?âÂ
JJ leaned forward, resting his forehead against yours. âYou.âÂ
âAnd what about me?â Your breath was warm against his face, competing against the cool breeze off the water. The distant laughter of his friends sounded from up the dock, where they all sat around, eating and cooing at little baby Routledge.Â
The worst years of his life, only peppered with good from his Pogues, felt like lifetimes behind him. All of the pain he experienced faded like his scars. He only had the good parts now, and there wasnât a chance on Earth heâd let them slip away.Â
âI have a question Iâve been meaning to ask you,â JJ said, hesitant not because he was unsure, but because there was still a fear in the far depths of his mind that youâd leave him. It was stupid, you had told him that a million and three times, but he couldnât help the faint voice in the back of his head pestering him in a whisper.Â
You silently waited for him to continue. As he worked up the courage, he closed his eyes for just a second, picturing the same little dream heâd created in his head not long after meeting you.Â
âWeâve got a pretty good thing goinâ, huh?â he started.Â
A breathy laugh fell from your lips. âIâd say so.âÂ
âRight, and I, um, I donât really want it to end, you know?âÂ
You leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss to his nose. âI donât plan on it ending, JJ. Itâs you and me, remember?âÂ
He did; he remembered the promise you made not long after you first met. It started off as a pack between friends, but it morphed into something deeper. You and him. If he had anything, he had that to hold on to.Â
âYeah,â he whispered, reaching into his back pocket and pulling out the ring he had stolen a while back with the intention of, one day, slipping it on your finger. Leaning back from you, he held up the ring between two fingers, letting the dainty silver shine in the growing moonlight. âYou and me. Forever, maybe?âÂ
It took a moment for realization to dawn on you, but it struck with force. Your eyes blew wide, and your mouth fell open in a humorous and bewildered laugh. âAre you asking me to marry you?âÂ
JJ nodded, sheepishly using his free hand to scratch the back of his neck. âI probably should have gotten down on one knee, right? To be fair, itâs my first time.â He went to lower himself onto the dock, but you stopped him, cupping his face in your hands.Â
âAnd itâs perfect,â you said, tears welling up in your eyes. âI would love to marry you, JJ Maybank.âÂ
He felt like he was going to cry too from the pure excitement and love that swelled inside his chest. Blinking back his own happy tears, he took your hand and slid the ring on your finger. It wasnât some extravagant engagement ring, but it fit like a glove on your finger like it had been made for you. The smile on your face was enough confirmation that you liked it.Â
You kissed him, the warm metal of the ring pressed against his cheek. It was a feeling he was looking forward to getting used to. To kiss you forever, until youâre old and gray and yelling at kids to get off your lawn. JJ used to have a hard time looking past eighteen, trying to figure out what heâd become if he made it that far. Would he be locked up like every adult in his life used to tell him? Would he end up like his father or the man he used to think was his father?Â
But he didnât have to worry anymore, about any of it. He made it past eighteen and a different path awaited him, a good one, a happy one.Â
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Imagine getting isekaiâed into otome game as a background character, watching the main character going down routes as you live your peaceful, mundane life, but youâve unknowingly been going down a route as well, a route for a hidden character that you didnât discover during your time playing the game.
That character being the reason the game has a dark content warning.
Gosh anon, that idea is so good!!!! I didn't know it would tickle all the right places in my brain, but when I started I couldn't stop lol. Love it, thank you for sending it in â„
If this had one of these super long titles that are tmi it would be:
I got Isekai'ed into an Otome Game as a Background Character and now I Have to Finish It with the Secret Yandere Love Interest!!
»»ââââââââ ⥠ââââââââ««   Â
A serene smile spread over your lips as you watched the two lovebirds in the corner of your coffee shop.
Swirling the milk into a cup, it created a little white heart surrounded by foamy coffee, its aroma drifting into your nose. Had someone told you that the little things like a cup of coffee made with love and care were enough to give you the peace of mind you always wanted in your previous life, you would have laughed at them. For you, it had always been the hustle, the making money, finding a partner, and creating a family. Make everyone proud while being successful, whether it costs you nights of sleep or days without proper meals. But looking at yourself now, it all seemed so far away now, and you let out a content sigh before setting down the cup in front of the customer at the bar.Â
"You seem happy today," your regular at the counter noted, picking up the cup and taking a moment to appreciate the aroma just like you had. A smile sneaked onto their lips, too, after they took a sip, and you couldn't help but feel your heart swell with pride and happiness when they gave you a satisfied nod.Â
"I am! I'm really getting accustomed to my new life here, it's... been a while since I've been so content."
The truth behind everything that happened to you was something you couldn't speak about lightly. Not when it turned the life you knew upside down, leaving you to start over completely. One day you were an employee of a well-known company, responsible for sales and reports and everything stressful. And the next, you were in your favorite, cozy video game, running the coffee shop the main character liked to visit with all the romance options in the game.
Isekai was the genre that came to mind when you thought about your situation. Luckily you were spared the memories of your death in the real world, the circumstances blurry as you barely remembered going home late from work, only to wake up in this very different universe. Perhaps you were just comatose, and this was a dream. Still, by now, you had managed to slip into your role as the barista of the small coffee shop, a barely mentioned background character, just fine.
Your eyes jumped back to the couple in the corner, giggling and teasing each other over a group project, and you felt an immense relief you weren't reincarnated as the main protagonist and had to go through the years of studying and trying to establish connections with the love interests again. You already did that in your old life, and it wasn't as romantic and fun as the game made it out to be. You only played it because it got your mind off things, the art was pretty, and it had the exact amount of cozy time management you needed to relax. But living as the main character in it? No, thank you!
"Jealous?" your regular teased, and you chuckled, shaking your head. They tapped theirânow emptyâcup, and you took it from them, replacing it with some water until you had the next cup of coffee ready for them.
"I just think it's cute. I never had someone so interested in me they'd take me out for coffee and share their cake with me when I was younger."
Your words tasted a little bitter on your tongue. Still, you genuinely couldn't wish for anything but the main character's happiness. It was just the feeling of being loved, desired, and wanted that you missed, even though your new life was more than satisfactory despite you feeling a little lonely sometimes.
"Well, it's never too late to start," they chuckled, taking up their fork and cutting off the tip of their strawberry shortcake, including the big chunk of strawberry on top, picking it up and holding it out towards you.Â
"Oh, I wouldn't dare--"
"I insist! As thanks for the amazing coffee every time I come here."
Nudging your lips with their fork, you let out an awkward chuckle. It was okay, right? They wouldn't sue you for eating the cake they paid for, would they? This was just a silly little game. What could go wrong with you accepting their kindness?
Opening your lips, you let them feed you the cake, taking a moment to let the sweet and fruity notes mix with the fluffy whip cream before you were sent straight to heaven. Not to toot your own horn, but your baking skills had improved so much since you started working at the shop. Who knew you had that in you?
Occupied with the moment of bliss as you let the cake flavor mix in your mouth, you hummed happily before devoting yourself back to making the coffee with a smile on your face. Unaware of your regular fixating on the fork you had just eaten from, staring at it like it was some strange artifact. Your phone dinged softly in its drawer, and you checked it briefly to see the notification pinging up, saying, "Achievement unlocked: Cake-Master - Provide the most delicious cake to your customers."
"Excuse me!" the main character called out to you, stepping up to the counter, and you directed your attention to her, ignoring the little game notification you've been receiving since starting your new life here, the love interest not far away before the two began fighting over who was going to pay the bill this time lovingly. Of course, the love interest won, but you wouldn't have expected it any other way. Seeing the blush on the main character's face after her romance option told her he'd "always take care" of her made you grin like a little fan, and you cheered them on in your head.Â
By the time you returned to your regular, their knuckles had gone white with how hard they were gripping the fork in their hand, their eyes following the couple who was about to leave. For a moment, it made you wonder if they had a crush on either of them, their sweet interaction surely uncomfortable if that was the case. But you didn't remember there being a jealousy scene in the game. You'd know, almost playing it 100% before your death. There apparently was a secret route you never got but were trying your hardest to achieve. Now you were left to wonder what it entailed.
But the second you returned, they looked up at you, expression softening and the tension disappearing, and you chalked it up to having witnessed a cringe moment that they had gotten so awkward. "Thank you for the cake, that was really nice of you! Do you want another fork?" you asked and were met with a headshake and a smile.Â
They quickly began eating their cake and complimenting your baking skills, stroking your growing ego when they rubbed their belly.Â
"I never had a cake that good!" they proclaimed, and you laughed out loud, overjoyed that you had made them so happy.Â
"Say..." they suddenly spoke up again, leaning on the counter and watching you with gentle eyes. Your heart set out for a second, tension rising as you didn't know what they were going to ask. Ever since you opened the coffee shop, the main character, love interests, and this regular had come by constantly. If you were honest, you enjoyed their visits more and more. Their presence felt like it belonged here with you, and you were a part of something bigger after all, washing away the small, lonely part of you.Â
And maybe... just maybe... this was how your happy end would play out.
"Are you this nice to every customer?"
Halting your movements, you set aside the brew head that you used on the espresso machine, despite having to clean it, thinking about your answer for a moment. It was a strange question to ask someone who worked in customer service. Still, you appreciated your regular, so you didn't want to give them a snarky answer.
"Uhm, well, I am just trying to make everyone feel welcome! But of course, it's a bit different with my regulars! After all, they come here often, like a second family. So I guess I'm a bit nicer because you really get to know and appreciate these people that stay to chat and tell stories."
"I see," they muttered. "Family, huh..."
After that, you suddenly were swamped with sudden orders, excusing yourself to fulfill them, chatting and laughing with even the people that were just passing by. Maybe you really were just nice? Perhaps this new environment had made you more relaxed and gentle than the harsh world you lived in, and it was showing? But their question was shoved into the back of your mind as you kept fulfilling orders and earning your keep.
Once the rush was over, you returned to your regular, only to find their seat empty. Strange, you thought. You could have sworn that you felt their eyes on you the whole time you were away, but luckily, they didn't walk out on their tab, leaving the money and a folded-up napkin beneath their empty cup for you to find. You quickly stored away the bills, trusting your regular with knowing what they had to pay after so many weeks of the same order.
You were about to throw away their napkin when you noticed some red marks on them, unwrapping the paper to find a note scribbled in what you had to assume was ink.Â
"You're so beautiful when you laugh."
The surprise wore off quite fast, and you smiled, thinking nothing of it but that it was a nice compliment from your regular. Still, you ended up throwing the napkin awayânot knowing if it was dirty, after allâtaking the coffee cup and plate to the sink to clean them, overseeing the red tip on the fork that was too dark to be from the strawberry.
The rest of your day was uneventful, and by the time you were closing, you were tired and ready to tug in for the night, wrapping up your business at the shop quickly before walking home. You didn't have a chance to look at your phone since you glanced at the achievement notification, so you took it out, startled when you saw a dozen new messages.Â
Achievement unlocked: Happy new life - Be content with your new life
Achievement unlocked: A fork for two! - Share a fork with someone special
Achievement unlocked: Jealousy - Make someone special jealous
Achievement unlocked: Soothing - Calm someone special down with your presence
Achievement unlocked: Family - Have someone be moved by your words
Achievement unlocked: The nicest person in town - Be beloved by all, but especially by someone special
Achievement unlocked: Blood in the cup - Have someone hurt themselves at your coffee shop
Achievement unlocked: Wonder-Barista - Complete twenty orders in less than thirty minutes
Achievement unlocked: Strange compliment - Receive a compliment through unusual means
Achievement unlocked: Blooming infatuation - Have someone special fall in love with you
Achievement unlocked: Shop-Pro! - Close the shop twenty times after making a profit from your work
Achievement unlocked: Tired - Hard workers deserve to relax
You blinked a few times, surprised by what you were reading and a little weirded out by some of these achievements. They gave you some extra coins in your shop till and reputation with the townspeople, so you usually didn't mind them. But to say some of their descriptions were weird was an understatement. You couldn't even remember someone getting hurt at your workplace that day.
By the time you reached your apartment, you decided to ignore the strange notifications and just let the day come to an end with a hot bath and your favorite show. But you were startled when your phone suddenly began ringing loudly, even though you had turned off the sound back at the coffee shop after the first notification. The first messages that appeared before you were more achievements, and you stopped turning the key in your door as you read them.
Achievement unlocked: Follower - Have someone special follow you home
Achievement unlocked: Welcome home! - Arrive at home, not alone
Achievement unlocked: Wherever you go, I'll be watching you -Â Æ ÎÎ ÎĆĆŽÎÂ„Ć ĆŽÎĆŠÄÄŠÆĆÇ€ „Ăở
Lifting your head, you looked around you, glancing over your shoulder and into the courtyard below. No one was out; everyone was at home eating dinner and occupied with their lives. Confused, you swiped all the notifications away before another pop-up appeared.
ALERT! You're about to enter X's route. Do you want to continue?
>Â Yes > No
Panicked at this point, you pressed "No," but nothing happened. You kept tapping it repeatedly, not understanding what was happening with your phone. But nothing changed, the notification staying in place. The sound of something breaking inside your apartment tore your focus away from your phone, startling you.Â
You must have finally managed to close it, the pop-up disappearing just as you unlocked the door to your apartment, still having held on to the key when you were surprised by the sound. Darkness and silence greeted you from inside, everything seemingly normal.
Majorly confused, you shook your head, slowly entering the hallway leading inside. "Hello?" you called out, reaching for the light switch. The light flickered on, and... there was no one. Holding your breath, no sound reached your ears, and you groaned, realizing you got freaked out about... nothing.Â
This wasn't some kind of horror game, and the story never had a murder-solving subplot. True, the ratings for it were kind of strangeâit being rated as 18+ on the websiteâbut seriously, what should happen in a cozy little city like the one the game played in? You didn't even think they had a police station here.
Pushing off your shoes as you shrugged off the weird feeling from before, you walked up the hallway to your living room, turning on the light before coming to an abrupt halt. There were broken pieces of glass underneath your living room window, but what really freaked you out came into view only when you lifted your head. You could look into the mirror of your cabinet door from your position, red marker dripping from it as if someone had hastily scribbled on it just seconds ago. You weren't sure it was a pen anymore, judging by its deep red color and the fluidity of it.
"đȘ đžđȘđŽđ© đșđ°đ¶'đ„ đ°đŻđđș đđąđ¶đšđ© đ§đ°đł đźđŠ đȘđ” đ„đłđȘđ·đŠđŽ đźđŠ đ€đłđąđ»đș"
Your phone pinged.
Achievement unlocked:Â
On the Highway to Hell - Unlock the secret route
#isekai#yandere isekai#yandere!isekai#yandere#yandere imagines#yandere headcanons#yandere scenarios#yandere fanfiction#yandere writing#yandere stories#yandere oneshots#yandere oneshot#yandere drabble#yandere x reader#yandere x darling#Yandere TW
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Double Shift
Pairing: Chop Shop Mechanic!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Summary: Bucky helps you unwind after you work a double shift.
Word Count: Over 1.8k
Warnings: Established relationship, slight insecurities, bit of backstory, dirty talk, mild smut, slight feels (it's me), Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?).
A/N: @nixakimbo was kind enough to gift me with this GORGEOUS edit and I had to create a new AU. Sorry, lovelies? @tavners , this is for you. Not beta read and written on my phone, so any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @saradika-graphics . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog for new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!
You dropped your bag the moment you walked through the door. Your feet ached despite the comfortable shoes, and your head throbbed with each passing second. Groaning, you dragged yourself to the couch, collapsing into it like it was the only place youâd ever wanted to be. Working doubles was exhausting, but this? This was something else entirely.
It was a long day in a series of long days, but now you had a chance to relax.
Reaching for the nearby pillow, you inhaled deeply, a smile tugging at your lips. Instead of the usual fresh scent of your couch, you caught the familiar, warm fragrance of your boyfriendâs cologne. He must have spritzed it before leaving for work. It was like leaning into him and your shoulder relaxed more, even though you wished he were really there.
The sound of the door creaking open a few minutes later told you that your wish had been granted.
âAww. Long day, baby?â Bucky cooed from the doorway, spotting you sprawled out with no intention of moving to greet him. âYou know your bagâs on the ground?â
âMm-hmm.â You rubbed your temples slowly. âYou know I worked a double, right? Iâm lucky I made it to the couch.â
His soft chuckle reached your ears as he set his keys down and picked up your bag. âI know and Iâm sorry. You work really hard.â He leaned down to kiss your forehead once he reached the couch. âI wish you didn't have to.â
You turned your head, the throbbing in your temples easing when your eyes met his. His black tank top fit him perfectly, complementing the tattoos that stretched across his neck and arms. The skulls and flowers, symbols of death and hope, told stories of his past. Stories he didn't have to tell you about, but he did anyway and you were happy to know every detail. As captivating as the ink was, it was his blue eyes that held you. In them, you saw your future, bright and full of love.
âThatâs life. And you work hard, too,â you reminded him.
âYeah. My job is so honorable,â he mumbled, making a mess of his hair as he ran a hand through it. âIâm really making a difference in the world.â
You frowned sympathetically. Bucky was a gifted mechanic, but his family was dealt a bad hand and he did what he had to do to take care of his younger sister. âAnd youâll be out of there soon.â
Once he finished paying off Becca's medical bills, he could quit. That day was getting closer and closer. And one day heâd open his own shop, too, a legitimate shop. You wanted to stand beside him when that dream came true. Becca would be so proud.
Both of you wanted the best for Bucky.
He sighed, sinking to his knees and resting his hands on your thighs. You could see the gray peppering his scruff and you couldnât help but reach out to run your nails through it. The sound of his groan made you smile, so you did it again.
âI just wanna give you the world,â he whispered, turning his head and kissing your palm. âYou know that, right?â
âYou already do,â you whispered back, his eyes softening. You had a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and his love in your heart. It was all you needed. âBut you know, I could-â
Bucky put a finger to your lips to stop you. âI know what you're going to say and weâre not selling your dad's car.â
You smiled sadly. Your dadâs car was a classic and could get Bucky the money he needed, but he turned the offer down each time you brought it up. He didn't want you to give up one of the only things you had left of your dad. âI won't say a word tonight.â
But you could try again tomorrow.
âThank you.â He took your hand and kissed your palm again. âYou up for a ride later?â
âI donât think Iâm moving from this spot tonight,â you half smiled. âBut we can tomorrow.â
âYou donât wanna go for a ride tonight?â he asked, surprise laced in his voice. You usually jumped at the chance to ride his motorcycle with him.
âFeet and head hurt a little,â you admitted, touching his cheek as concern etched his features. âIâm fine, really. Nothing for you to make a fuss about, but I won't turn you down if you want to dote on me.â
âBaby,â he sighed, slipping your shoes off. You gasped when he began massaging the sole of your right foot, the gentle pressure making your body sink deeper into the couch. By the time he switched to your left foot, you were practically melting. âThat better?â
âYeah,â you smiled, combing your fingers through his dark hair. He always took care of you. âI swear, you have magic hands.â
âOh, I have more than magic hands,â he winked, your heart skipping a beat. âAnd you know whatâs good for headaches?â
âBuckyâŠâ you smiled. There was a warning in your voice, but you couldn't help the amusement in your eyes.
âYes, me,â he grinned. âIâm very good at helping with headaches and you know it.â
Your smile widened. âThatâs not what I meant.â
âOh, so making you come all over my face before I cook you dinner was not what you meant and will not help your headache?â he asked, his voice deep, dripping with desire.
Whatever ache you felt in your body all went straight to your pussy. A deep, throbbing ache that cried out for him to soothe it since he was the cause. âIs making melt on your tongue as my reward for working a double?â
He smirked at your breathy tone. âThatâs exactly what it is.â He didnât need to ask you to lift your hips when he reached for the waistband of your pants and pulled them off with your underwear. Your body moved on instinct for him, fluid and in sync. âI can feed you right here and carry you to bed, too.â
âIâm too big and heavy for you to carry me,â you teased. His eyes flashed, and before you could react, he leaned down unexpectedly, sinking his teeth into your thigh. Your mouth fell open from the sting, but it felt good, too. âHey!â You shrieked.
âYouâre not big. Youâre not heavy. Youâre perfect,â he snarled, brushing his tongue along the teeth marks. You wanted his mark all over you. âIâll blame that remark on how tired you are right now from work.â
Framing his face to lift his head, you met his lips in a soft kiss, hoping to convey how much it meant to you that he saw you as beautiful. How touched you were that he always put your care and feelings first. As scary as he looked to others, you knew the man inside. The one with a heart full of passion.
âIâm not perfect,â you whispered against his lips, gasping when he nibbled your bottom lip. A second bite for once again downplaying yourself. âBut Iâm perfect for you.â
âYou think so?â he asked quietly.
âI know so,â you said, biting his bottom lip for good measure.
He thought you were too good for him some days, and you were quick to shut that down. A good man wouldnât have taken care of his sister the way he did, and he wouldnât love you wholeheartedly if he was less of a good person than you. His current profession didnât define him, and you refused to let him believe it did.
âI...â He kissed the corner of your mouth. âLove...â You shivered when he kissed the other corner. âYou.â
A flame lit within your heart. His tender touches and words burned you from the inside out. âI love you, too,â you managed to whisper before his lips covered yours again.
Fresh arousal washed over you when he smiled and kissed down your body. âNow let me show you with my mouth how much I love you,â he simpered, parting your legs to open for him. âMight die if I donât get my mouth on you and you wouldnât want that, would you? And we need to get rid of your headache.â
You moaned, also feeling like youâd die if he didnât touch you. âDo I get your cock, too? Itâs a pretty bad headache you need to help me get rid of,â you teased. If your pain actually persisted, heâd make you take something and insist on you resting. And maybe it was selfish to ask for more than one orgasm, but you both knew he wouldnât turn down the opportunity to rock your world.
âBefore and after dinner,â he promised, his pupils dialting as he stared between your trembling thighs. âFuck, I missed you today,â he groaned.
âMissed me or my pussy?â you asked, certain that you were going to soak the cushion beneath you and you didnât care as long as he got you off. âBecause we both missed you.â
He smirked, his hand inching up your thigh. âOf course, you missed me. Who else would make you come as hard as I do?â
Cocky was a good look on him, but you could play a little, too. âWellâŠâ Your coy smile had him raising his eyebrow. âIf you really want to know, thereâs-â You threw your head back with a cry as Buckyâs head dipped down to taste you, effectively cutting off your teasing.
It wouldnât take long for you to coat his fingers and tongue with your release. It never did with him. Heâd make you taste yourself when he kissed you after so you could fully appreciate the orgasm he gave you. He wouldnât give you any reprieve when heâd bend you over the couch and sink his cock into your sensitive pussy. Your sounds would be erotic music to his ears, just like his words were music to yours.
âGrind that pussy back against me. Show me how much you crave my cock.â
âSuch a good girl for me. Such a good pussy for me to fuck and fill.â
âDonât you dare rub your clit. You wanna come? Iâll make you come.â
âOh, you donât have to beg for me to come inside you. Iâll give it to you.â
Youâd scream his name in ecstasy and pass out in his arms from the best kind of exhaustion. Youâd wake up to him kissing your forehead and holding you upright so he could hand feed you a delicious meal. Youâd smile when he told you how much he loved you and that he'd be free of the chop shop soon. And youâd tell him you loved him, too, before he fucked you all over again.
It was going to be a good night.
Appreciate you lovelies indulging me like always and hope to share more when I can. Love and thanks for reading! â€ïž
Masterlist â Bucky Barnes Masterlist â Ko-Fi
#navybrat writes#bucky barnes#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x female reader#bucky barnes x f!reader#bucky barnes x you#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes fanfiction#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes au#bucky barnes fic#bucky x reader#bucky x female reader#bucky fic#bucky au#bucky fanfiction#james buchanan barnes#sebastian stan#sebastian stan x reader#james bucky barnes#x reader#james bucky buchanan barnes#mechanic!bucky barnes#mechanic!bucky barnes x reader#chop shop mechanic!bucky barnes#winter soldier#sebastian stan x female reader#bucky x you
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Radio Silence | Chapter Thirty
Lando Norris x Amelia Brown (OFC)
Series Masterlist
Summary â Order is everything. Her habits arenât quirks, theyâre survival techniques. And only three people in the world have permission to touch her: Mom, Dad, Fernando.
Then Lando Norris happens.
One moment. One line crossed. No going back.
Warnings â Autistic!OFC, strong language, time-skips, the absolute shit-show that was the first half of the 2023 season.
Notes â Amelia being McLaren's literal saviour? IKTR
2023 (Saudi Arabia â Silverstone)
The paddock in Bahrain had started to quiet down after qualifying, the desert heat finally slipping away into a cooler breeze. Amelia was walking through the paddock, steps quick and stride polished, muttering statistics under her breath and trying to burn off some extra energy before debriefs were due to begin.
âAmelia.â
She turned. Adrian stood just outside Red Bullâs motorhome, hands in his pockets, watching her with a thoughtful expression.
âHi, Adrian,â she greeted, smiling politely at the man sheâd once idolised who had become something more reminiscent of a friend over the last two years.
âDo you have a minute?â He asked.
She gave a one-shouldered shrug. âSure.â
He gestured for them to walk a little away from the thinning crowds. âIâve been wanting to speak with you since testing, but I figured it was better in person rather than on the phone.â
Amelia waited, quiet.
Adrian glanced toward the Red Bull garage, then back at her. âYou have done something incredible,â he said. âThe car â itâs⊠brutally efficient. Elegant, even. Itâs the cleanest thing Iâve seen come out of our CFD pipeline in five years. Maybe longer.â
Ameliaâs brow ticked up. âThank you.â
He studied her for a moment, brow furrowed slightly. âSo why did you leave, Amelia? You couldâve ridden that thing straight through another championship with Max. Earned the credit. The spotlight. A long, solid legacy.â
âI didnât need to,â she said simply.
He blinked, thrown off. âDidnât need to⊠win?â
âI didnât need credit,â she clarified. âThat was never the point. Max knows that this years car is ours â mine and his, in a way. You know, too. Thatâs enough for me.â
âYou designed one of the most dominant aero concepts Iâve seen in a decade,â Adrian said, still incredulous. âAnd walked away before it even hit the track?â
Amelia nodded. Shrugged. âI didn't build the car for glory. I built it because I knew what it could be. And then I gave my concepts to you, so that you would make them happen, and you did.â She pursed her lips. âMax didnât need me anymore. He knows how to handle a championship. Heâs done it twice, now.â
âAnd McLaren does need you?â Adrian pressed.
âYes,â she said. Smiled. âThey do. Oscar too.â
Adrian looked at her like he was trying to understand a language he didnât speak. Slowly, he said, âYouâve created a car that will be remembered for generations.â
âI know.â
âAnd you donât care that you wonât get the credit?â
âNo,â she said. âDoesnât change what I did.â
There was a long silence, the dusk settling over them in a soft hush.
Adrian let out a slow breath, almost reverent. âI admire it, you know. Even if I donât understand it.â
Amelia gave him the faintest smirk. âThatâs okay. Iâm not an easy person to understand.â
âNo,â Adrian agreed. âBut youâre very, very good.â He paused. âGod, sometimes, Amelia, I wonder if maybe youâre better than me.â
âI might be. One day,â she said, and turned to go.
â
The debrief room was quiet, too quiet.
Oscar sat back in his chair, legs outstretched, eyes on the floor. His race suit was half-unzipped, his undershirt sweat-darkened at the collar. Amelia sat at the head of the small conference table, her iPad flat in front of her, her stylus spinning slowly between her fingers.
âWell,â Oscar said dryly. âThat was shit.â
Ameliaâs lips twitched. âYouâre not wrong.â
He tilted his head. âCan I ask something?â
âOf course you can.â She frowned at him.
Oscar looked over at her, brow creased faintly. âYou knew the car wasnât going to be good this year. You warned me. So why did you still come back to McLaren?â
Amelia leaned back in her chair, thought about it, then shrugged. âWell, you were a big part of it.â
Oscar blinked at her.
âYou needed somebody who was able to make the most of a bad situation,â she said. âNot someone whoâd write it off before the lights went out. Youâre better than the car right now. But the car wonât stay this way forever; I promise you that.â
Oscar was quiet for a moment. âRight. Thanks,â he said eventually, voice low.
âDonât get sentimental,â Amelia said, flicking a button on her iPad. âWeâre both going to be angry for a while, at least until I can fix this.â
He nodded, some of the stiffness leaving his shoulders. âFine by me.â
She tapped through to the race data, then looked up. âOkay. So. Letâs talk lap one.â
Oscar squinted. âWhat was wrong with lap one?â
âYou braked late into Turn 10. Just like you did in qualifying.â
âMaybe the corner needs to come sooner,â he muttered, deadpan.
Amelia rolled her eyes. âMaybe you just need more time in the sim.â
Oscar made a face. âIf I spend any more time in it than you already make me do, I might merge with the chair.â
They dove into the telemetry together then â back and forth, sharp and focused, their language slowly becoming shorthand. She pointed out throttle traces, he challenged her on strategy calls. She fired back with sector deltas, he offered precise corner feedback.
By the time they were done, an hour had passed.
Oscar leaned back, drained but calmer. âYouâre intense.â
âYeah,â Amelia said, unapologetically. âIâm also right, most of the time.â
He nodded. âYeah. You are.â
She packed up her iPad, stood, and gestured toward the door. âCome on, ducky,â she said. âMy husband is probably pacing somewhere, lamenting about how shit his car is. We need to stop him before he spirals.â
Oscar made a face as he got to his feet. âI donât like being ducky.â
Amelia shrugged, unconcerned. âToo bad. You are.â
He sighed. âWhy canât I just be Oscar?â
âYou can,â she said simply. âBut youâre ducky too. Both can be true.â
Oscar blinked at her, clearly expecting more of an explanation. Amelia paused in the doorway, tilting her head like she was debating whether to explain. Then she did â bluntly, honestly, in her Amelia way. âNicknames are⊠structure,â she said. âThey help me sort people. Feelings. Connections. If I nickname you, it means Iâve decided I trust you. Itâs like⊠mental shorthand. Emotional filing.â
Oscarâs brow furrowed. âLike⊠categories?â
âExactly,â she said, eyes lighting up slightly. âItâs not random. It means something. I call you ducky because youâre calm on the surface and all chaos underneath, and also because you look like someone who would fall asleep in a bathtub. And because I like you. Youâve earned it.â
He stared at her. âI⊠donât know what to do with that.â
âYou donât have to do anything with it,â she said, already halfway down the hall. âJust know that it means Iâve put you in the âsafeâ column.â
Oscar followed, a little dazed. âThatâs a lot to attach to a duck.â
Amelia smiled to herself. âAlso, my husband kept saying that I imprinted on you like a mother duck, soâŠâ
They rounded the corner and found said husband, Lando, in the corridor, muttering to himself with a piece of tyre compound data pulled up on his phone.
Oscar pointed wordlessly.
Amelia just sighed. âSee? Spiralling. I told you.â She stepped forward, nudged the phone down, and gently took her husbandâs hand. âHey,â she said. âYou did well with what you had.â
Lando looked between the two of them, Ameliaâs steady face, Oscarâs unreadable one, and let out a breath that was mostly a laugh. âWeâre going to be fucking shit this year, arenât we?â He asked.
Amelia sighed. âI hope not. Iâm already trying to get my hands on the car, but the cost cap is preventing me from making any significant changes this earlyâŠâ
Lando pouted at his wife.
âPizza?â Oscar asked.
Ameliaâs head snapped around in his direction. âYes!â
Lando was still pouting when he said, âSure. Yeah. Whatever. Depression pizza. Yay!â
â
The glass walls of the office reflected the glow of early evening. Outside, the MTC lake was still, pale with late-winter. Inside, Amelia sat at the head of the table with her knees drawn up in the chair, a pink, battered notebook open in front of her.
Andrea leaned in to look closer. âYou did this all by hand?â
Amelia didnât look up. âI think better with a pen and paper.â
Her dad, seated opposite her, turned a few pages. His brows rose as he scanned carefully drawn schematics, annotated calculations, wind tunnel projections, notes in tiny, slanted handwriting. Everything from ride height tweaks to theoretical suspension layouts to predicted competitor development trends.
âThis is a full concept,â Andrea said, quietly impressed. âThis is⊠years worth of work.â
âJust a few weeks,â Amelia said. âThatâs not just theory in there, though. Thatâs a car.â
Zak sat back, flipping to the final page. It was labelled, in block capitals, with an underlined title.
PROJECT: MCL38-AN
Underneath, in her neat writing.
Itâll win if you trust it.
He looked up. âThis will put us back on top?â
âI know it will,â Amelia said, finally meeting their eyes. âEverything Iâve learned â from Red Bull, from Max, from every telemetry graph and CFD failure and stupid porpoising issue in the last two years â I used it all. And not just to make something clever. To make something fast. Reliable. Adaptable.â
Andrea gently closed the notebook. âThis is championship-level ambition.â
âItâs more than ambition,â Amelia said. âItâs your 2024 car. The notebook is yours now.â
Her dad raised his eyebrows. âYou donât want to keep it?â
She shrugged. âNo. I wonât need it, but you will. Iâve already made a million copies, but Iâd like you to keep the original.â
Her dad looked at her and reached for the notebook again with something like reverence. âWeâre going to need to start assembling a team around this immediately.â He said.
âI already started,â she told him. âTom in aeroâs got preliminary CFD models. Jordanâs been mocking up rear suspension geometry in CAD for two weeks.â
Andrea laughed softly, almost disbelieving. âYou went over our heads?â
âIâm not very good at leaving things to chance,â she said. âAnd our car this year is awful. So bad. I needed to start making something happen, even if most of it will have to wait until next year.â
Her dad stood and leaned across the table, hand on the notebook. âHoney, this isâŠâ
âYours. Ours.â She said.
Andrea let out a breath.
Her dad stared at her for a beat, and then he was beaming.
â
It was nearly midnight, and the MTC was mostly dark â save for the soft hum of light in the engineering wing. Amelia sat on the floor of her office, legs crossed, iPad glowing in her lap.
Oscar lay stretched out on the rug in front of her, still in his training kit, a protein shake abandoned next to him. Lando was in her desk chair, spinning gently, half-asleep and barefoot.
âThis is the weirdest sleepover Iâve ever been to,â Oscar muttered.
âYou say that every time you hang out with us,â Lando replied, yawning.
âI mean it every time.â Oscar said.
Amelia didnât look up. âShut up. Iâm trying to change the trajectory of your entire careers right now.â
That got their attention.
Lando leaned forward. âWhat are you doing, baby?â
Amelia turned the iPad so they could both see the screen. Her voice was calm, even, but there was a thread of something bright underneath it. âThis is going to be your 2024 car.â
Oscar blinked. âYouâwhat?â
She tapped through a few screens: 3D renders, rear suspension models, aero flow maps. âCodename MCL38-AN. I told you both that I already had it planned out, didnât I?â
Oscar sat up straighter. âYou really think thatâll put us at the front of the grid?â
âYes,â she said. âYouâre driving scrap metal right now, I wonât lie. Itâs holding you both back. But this carââ she tapped the image again ââthis is what weâre building toward. This is the one. The team just needs time. I need time.â
Oscar was staring at the iPad, wide eyed. âYouâre sure.â
âIâve never been more sure of anything. All I need is for you to keep showing up. To keep believing. Weâre not going to be at the back of the grid forever.â
Lando stood, walked over, and looked down at the designs for a long moment. âItâs beautiful,â he said quietly.
âI know.â
âWhy are you showing us now?â
âBecause,â she said, glancing between them, âI canât ask you to keep suffering through this season unless you have a reason. A future. This is your future. Youâll win races in this car.â
Oscar laughed, breathless and stunned. âHoly shit.â
âYeah,â Amelia said, finally smiling. âHoly shit.â
Lando slid down onto the floor beside her, shoulder brushing hers. âYouâre the best thing thatâs ever happened to me. Us. This team. This sport.â
âThanks,â she said.
Oscar pointed at the iPad again. âCan I name it?â
âNo.â She said.
âCan I drive it now?â He asked.
âIt doesnât exist yet.â She told him.
âThen can I keep being your ducky?â
She looked at him, bemused. âYou want to be ducky now?â
âIâm reconsidering my argument,â he muttered. âOut of loyaltyâŠâ
Lando was grinning. âWeâre going to win championships, arenât we?â
Amelia nodded. Smiled at her husband. Kissed him. âYes. We are.â
â
They got back to Monaco well past midnight, Lando wordless beside her in the car. The race had been brutal. Another pointless race. Another weekend where the car hadnât performed, and the looped back data had made her want to throw her laptop into the Red Sea.
But home was home.
Amelia dropped her bags in the entryway, kicked off her trainers, and walked straight to the kitchen, wordlessly opening the fridge. She fished out a can of Diet Coke and pressed it to her forehead.
Behind her, Lando wrapped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder.
"You gonna fire me?â He asked quietly.
She laughed despite the burning itch under her skin. âNo. You did your best.â
âYeah.â He exhaled against her neck.
They stood like that for a beat. Amelia breathed in the scent of his hoodie and let the familiar weight of him soothe the static in her chest. He was solid. Warm. Hers.
Finally, she turned around and kissed his jaw. âItâll get better.â
Lando nodded. âGood. Because Iâm getting real tired of seeing you more frustrated than smug.â
She cracked a smile. âIâm always smug.â
âThere she is.â
â
Amelia didnât cook often, but when she did, it was loud, chaotic, and always somewhat efficient.
Oscar sat at the breakfast bar, watching her with mild horror as she chopped onions at a blinding speed.
âYouâre a very violent chef,â he observed.
âThe quicker itâs done, the better,â she said. âNow pass me the basil, ducky.â
He handed it over. âStill donât particularly like being called that.â
âDonât care.â She glanced at him over her shoulder. âDo you want red or white wine?â
â
The living room was littered with discarded Uno cards, an empty pizza box, and the remains of someoneâs sprite can that Max Fewtrell had been using as a drum for the last ten minutes.
âYou are cheating,â Pietra said flatly, accusing Lando with a pointed look.
âIâm just playing strategically.â
Amelia, half-asleep on the sofa with her feet in Landoâs lap, mumbled, âStrategically being a little shit, yeah.â
âDonât hate the player,â Lando shot back, tugging her ankle gently. âHate the wife.â
âYouâll sleep on the couch for that,â she muttered, eyes still closed.
Max Verstappen arrived late, as usual. Amelia opened one eye when he collapsed beside her on the sofa and started picking at the leftover cold garlic bread.
âMissed you.â She told him sleepily.
âMissed you too, zusje.â He said.
She leaned her head briefly against his shoulder.
â
The Spanish GP had been marginally better than the ones thatâd come before. Still not good. But better.
Back at the airport, Oscar sat cross-legged on the floor, headphones in, while Amelia reviewed strategy notes and Lando bought three Snickers and two iced teas.
Lando dropped next to her with a huff, his arm winding around her waist, hand flexing before squeezing her hip. âIâm considering sabotage.â
âOf?â
âThe car. Iâm gonna drive it into a lake or something.â
Oscar pulled one headphone off. âWouldnât it sink?â
Lando stared at him. âThatâs your concern?â
âHydrodynamics are important.â Oscar smirked.
Amelia sighed. âYouâre both ridiculous.â
Lando grinned. âYou love it.â
She didnât reply, just leaned closer, then passed him a highlighter. âHelp me mark the wind tunnel data.â
â
Theyâd flown into Spielberg a little early to prep and decompress. Amelia had her notes. Lando had brought five pairs of sunglasses and absolutely no socks. Oscar was, predictably, already on his fifth stretch of the legs down the paddock.
The three of them walked the track together at sunset, shoes crunching against the gravel.
âYou know,â Amelia said, glancing between the two drivers, âif either of you crashes this weekend, I wonât be happy.â
âWould you leave me for dead?â Oscar asked, deadpan.
âYes.â She lied.
âShe wouldnât,â Lando said.
Amelia looked ahead, wind tugging at her hair, then back at the boys; her husband and her ducky.
This job was hell. The car was beyond flawed. The season wasnât what theyâd hoped.
But this, this team, this family, this effort, felt like something worth holding onto.
â
Silverstone came, and there was a shift.
It wasnât everything. But it was something.
Amelia stood just outside the McLaren garage, arms crossed over her chest, watching the mechanics finish prepping the car for FP1.
The upgraded floor. The reshaped side-pods. The altered rear suspension geometry sheâd argued over for weeks.
It was all here. On track. Real.
It wasnât perfect â of course it wasnât. The budget cap had demanded compromises. She hadnât been able to implement the full package sheâd thrown together back in March. That version of the MCL60 was meaner, leaner, cleverer â a little monster of a thing. A title fighter.
But this was the one they could afford. And sheâd made it the best it could be.
Oscar stepped beside her, helmet tucked under his arm, race suit halfway unzipped. âDoesnât look like a paper towel on wheels anymore.â
She hummed. âNo. More like... a reinforced napkin. Maybe a placemat.â
He gave her a sideways glance. âHow confident are you?â
She exhaled slowly. âSeventy percent weâre in the points. Fifty percent one of you surprises me. Zero percent we DNF. Iâve triple-checked the aero modelling. Youâre safe.â
He nodded, quiet for a moment. Then, âI know itâs not what you wanted.â
âNo,â she said honestly. âItâs not. But itâs what weâve got. And itâs good enough to fight for points rather than the chequered flag.â
Oscar squeezed her shoulder. Tight. âI trust you.â
There was something boyish in the way he said it. Uncomplicated. She smiled and nudged him toward the car. âGo, ducky.â
âStill donât like that.â
âDonât care.â
â
By Sunday, the paddock was electric.
The buzz was real. The performance gains were visible. And people were talking.
After qualifying, someone from Sky asked Lando if he felt like McLaren were back in the fight for âbest of the restâ.
He didnât even hesitate. âYes. Weâve got Amelia Norris to thank for that.â
That one made her throat pinch.
Later, back in the garage, she caught Andreaâs eye as he leaned over the pit wall screens. He grinned, then gave her a thumbs-up.
Even her dad, whoâd spent the last several months managing expectations to sponsors and shareholders, gave her a bear hug that nearly knocked her clipboard out of her hands.
âYouâve made believers out of us again, kiddo,â he said into her ear. âTheyâre already asking about 2024.â
Amelia stepped back and smiled tightly. âLet us get through this race first.â
â
Lando was flying. Oscar was right on his gearbox. And Amelia was vibrating in her seat, headset digging into her ears.
The car wasnât just competitive; it was racy. Bold. Alive.
She and Will traded glances as they watched Lando chase down Lewis.
âThis is all you,â Will said.
She didnât respond. She couldnât. Her heart was somewhere near her throat.
Oscarâs voice crackled in her ear. âIs this what driving a real car feels like?â
Amelia couldnât help it, she laughed. âKeep it clean, ducky. Still a few laps to go.â
âIs my wife crying tears of joy right now?â Lando asked over his radio. âI bet she is.â
âShe is.â Will said.
âLiar.â Amelia laughed, and okay, maybe she did sound a bit choked up.
â
The crowd was still roaring and Amelia was frozen beside the pit wall, headset hair sticking out from under her cap, breathing like sheâd just done the full length of the race herself.
It wasnât a win.
But it was enough.
Lando ran up behind her and flung his arms around her shoulders, lifting her slightly off the ground as she shrieked.
âPut me down, you sweaty idiotâ!â
âWe did it!â
âYou did it.â
âNo,â Lando said, spinning her once before finally setting her down. âYou did.â
He kissed her, quick and messy, and the cameras were definitely watching, but she didnât care. Sheâd earned this moment.
Oscar wandered over and offered her a half-hearted fist bump.
âBetter than a placemat,â he grinned lopsidedly.
âAlmost a dinner plate,â she agreed.
He laughed, and then he took her to watch the podium.
Max on top. Lewis next. And then her Lando.
Her husband.
Beaming right at her.
She made Oscar hug her. Needed the deep-pressure to cut through the overwhelming joy coursing through her veins. Somebody took a picture and posted it on Twitter with the tag âBest racer/engineer duo EVERâ.
â
Amelia was sitting cross-legged on their hotel bed, notebook open in her lap, notes scribbled in every margin.
Lando walked out of the shower, towel around his waist, hair damp.
âYouâre still working?â
She looked up. âIâm trying to figure out how to sneak in another mini upgrade before Qatar.â
Lando crossed the room and kissed the top of her head. âYouâre mad, you know.â
Amelia frowned. âIâm not.â
He slid into bed beside her. âCâmere. Work can wait till tomorrow.â
She paused, then closed the notebook and handed it to him. âDonât lose it,â she warned. âThatâs the future in your hands.â
He looked at the cover, scuffed, dented, covered in papaya and coffee stains, and held it like it was a sacred text.
âWeâre going to have podium celebration sex now.â She told him. âI bought chequered flag lingerie.â
His eyes went wide. âOhâHoly shit. You did?â
She smiled.Â
NEXT CHAPTER
#radio silence#formula one x reader#f1 x reader#f1 imagine#f1 x ofc#f1 x female reader#f1 fic#f1 fanfic#lando imagine#lando fanfic#lando norris#lando x reader#lando#lando x you#op81#lando norris fluff#lando norris fanfic#lando norris x reader#lando norris smut#ln4 fic#ln4 imagine#ln4 smut#ln4 mcl#ln4#oscar piastri#oscar piastri fanfic#lando x ofc#lando x y/n#lando x oc#formula one smut
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0.2 we are all sinners (cont'd imagine)
starring: you, remmick, and bo
pairing: bo chow/reader and remmick/reader/bo
warnings: nsfw, more smut, open-at-your-own-risk, dark romance, vampirism, corruption, moral and literal seduction, temptation, sharing is caring(?), reverse harem(ish), hive-mind, manipulation, vampire dreams. THIS IS A SEQUEL, PLEASE REFER TO LIST BELOW.
summary: in this world, there is no grace chow. only y/n chow. and boy, does that have consequences. concept ver: 0.1 0.2 story ver: 1.0
Continues right after where 1.0 left off.
You're hyperventilating as Smoke and Sammie try to block the way so that the vampires outside don't see you anymore.
âWell, ainât that just rude,â Remmick snarks. âYou get away from her, you monster.â âWhatâs wrong? Canât a man just talk to his wife?â Bo smirks.
Before you can collapse onto the floor, a familiar pair of hands grab you. Annieâs.Â
âDonât let him get to you, Y/N. That ainât Bo anymore.â âYou canât trust him, you hear me?â
But despite what the rest of the group might think, trust is the very last thing racing in your mind as Remmick and Bo stare you down like youâre their next meal. Â
âYouâre the devil,â you hear Sammie say. âAnd youâre the one who called me,â Remmick replies eagerly. âI sensed you, you know. You and your music.â Remmick takes a step forward, quick to put his hands up when Smoke aims the gun at him. âI want to see my people again. Regain the community that was taken from me. I might be trapped here, but with your gifts, you can bring them back.â âDonât listen to him, Sammie. Heâs evil,â Annie warns. Sheâs still holding onto you, her grip the only thing keeping you grounded at this point. âAm I? Iâm just trying to bring everyone together. To create the family this world never let you have. And look!â Remmick rests his hand on Boâs shoulder. âIâm already halfway there.â Bo winks at you once more, and you can see a slight trail of drool on the corner of his mouth. You flinch, but you canât tear your eyes away, even as Remmick licks his lips at you hungrily. âIsn't that right, darling?â âYou canât keep us apart forever,â Bo hums, staring at you like he already knows what youâre thinking. âSammie belongs with us...Y/N belongs to us.â âNo. You canât have âem. Either of them.â âThatâs a shame. Because we ainât leaving until we do."
You donât hear the rest of the conversation, ears ringing. You barely make out bits and pieces. Of the clan and their plans for all of you. Of Mary trying to convince Annie, too. Itâs not until Stack joins in that Delta and Sammie move to close the door. But by then, there was no unhearing the tempting words of the devil.Â
âBecause weâre not leaving without yâall. We family. Ainât that right?â âThis is the way. Together. Forever. And I ainât doing this shit without you. There is no me without you.â
In another world, it wouldâve been you who let the vampires in. You, who fell to your desperation to protect the only family you had left. But in this world, you donât have any other family to protect. Not anymore.Â
But every part of you is desperately wishing otherwise. You want to pretend itâs still Bo waiting outside the window. That itâs your Bo out there sending you that slow flying kiss.
But that thought immediately disappears when you see Remmick take your husbandâs side, staring after you, too.
âSheâs scared of us now. Scared of me.â âShe wonât be. Not for long.â
Everyone decides to gameplan and just try to survive until sunrise.
âAt least one of us stays awake at all times. If anything happens, if anything so much as flinches, you alert everyone. Got it?â
You donât know how it happens, but you end up dozing off by the bar. Annie hushes Sammie, telling him to let you rest. In the hopes that your dreams might offer you some comfort. What none of them know is thatâŠyou dreamâŠweird.
âYou still with me, baby?" You groan as you feel a familiar pair of shoulders between your legs, and your hands raised above your head. Bo chuckles, tells you to keep âem there unless you want him to stop. You can barely see him past your bunched up skirt as he digs into you like it's his last meal. "You taste divine." "I could just die between these thighs, if you'd let me." "Louder. Let the whole world hear how good I make you feel." You nearly break after he teases you for too long, hands climbing down to grip his hair. Only, the memory suddenly shifts and you suddenly feel hands forcing your wrists above your head. Your eyes open and leaning over you isâŠBo? âJust like that, baby. Youâre doing so good. Such a good girl for us.â You cry out in fear and pleasure when you finally feel the one eating you out rise from beneath your skirts. Chin slick, eyes red, and grinning at you like he just found heaven in your taste. Nothing scares you more than seeing those damn familiar teeth. âNo one can escape me, darling. Not even you."
Youâre suddenly woken up by Sammieâs shaking and someoneâs screaming. Itâs only when you fully get up you realize, the screaming is yours.
a/n: i tried my best and i wasnt sure how to feel abt this addition. ill see what people think before turning it into something more. anyway, notes or ideas on how to proceed would be much appreciated. that, and the gif of bo blowing a kiss...
#sinners 2025#bo chow#bo chow x reader#sinners imagine#sinners fanfiction#dark romance#sinners fic#sinners x reader#x reader#reader insert#fem reader#female reader#sinners movie#remmick x you x bo chow#remmick#remmick x reader#remmick x you#bo chow fic
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