you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
30K notes
·
View notes
trans men are allowed to paint their nails.
trans men are allowed to wear dresses or skirts, or any generally "feminine" clothing.
trans men are allowed to wear makeup.
trans men are allowed to embrace their more "feminine" side.
it does not make us any less of a man.
EDIT! : ALL MEN are allowed to do these things, but this post is more centred around the idea that "oh, people who 'claim' to be men and wear dresses and shit are not trans!" yes, we are. skirt go spinny. painted nails are nice. its not that hard to understand.
6K notes
·
View notes
Sure you could fall in love with me but would you put up glow in the dark stars all over our bedroom walls with me? Would you paint our mailbox fun colors with me? Would you make pancakes in silly shapes and buy knickknacks we’ll never use and pick up hobbies we won’t stick to with me? Would you live and be silly and be a little dumb and be a genius and be confident and lazy and kind and angry and everything? Would you give me absolutely every side of yourself that you can??
3K notes
·
View notes
[barges into ur inbox looking harried with blood on my face] i’m dying and the only way to save me is by talking about ur self indulgent zuko time travel bs
[i cradle you gently in my arms] no... stay with me.... [places this into your chest]
i think the dynamics would be so funny between these 3 in particular with 16 y/o zuko being pitiful and emo, 19 y/o or post-comic zuko being more silly and getting into his groove and looking up to his older self a Lot, and 28 y/o zuko acting all cool and stoic to try and impress his younger selves when in reality he tripped over his robes the other day and fell into the turtleduck pond
1K notes
·
View notes