#also you may think im online posting this rn but actually im scheduling this post >:)

[napping-sapphic]

Sure you could fall in love with me but would you put up glow in the dark stars all over our bedroom walls with me? Would you paint our mailbox fun colors with me? Would you make pancakes in silly shapes and buy knickknacks we’ll never use and pick up hobbies we won’t stick to with me? Would you live and be silly and be a little dumb and be a genius and be confident and lazy and kind and angry and everything? Would you give me absolutely every side of yourself that you can??

[hikari-writes]

And with that,,,

MY REQUESTS ARE DONE 😭😭😭😭💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💕💕💕

IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT BELOW! I'D APPRECIATE IF YOU'D READ IT EVEN IF YOU JUST SKIM OVER IT, PLEASE 🥺

Thank you to all of you who have requested, it meant so much to me that you trusted me enough to request a story from me 🤗 I may not be the best writer out there, but i appreciate every single one of you.

And so! First of all, id like to say

THANK YOU FOR ALL OF MY 334 FOLLOWERS!!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE IVE REACHED THIS FAR IN SUCH A SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME, BUT I DID, AND I'M VERY GRATEFUL TO EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU.

And! I can't hold any event or anything since I'm still quite unsure whether i should or not. ALSO! There's a tiny bit problem as to why i can't hold any event.

You see, school is opening soon, and I go to a dormitory school where we can't bring our gadgets there. And obviously, i cant be online and to make matters worse because of the pandemic, im still unsure of the schedule for my holidays, so I can't guarantee anything.

Im very sorry, but i may need to go on a long hiatus, a month at best. Even if i can go home and be online, the holidays are pretty short so it's not as if i can be so active anyway.

Im happy that during quarantine, i was able to make lots of friends here and be so active and make lots of content that im actually proud of! Hope y'all don't forget me while im away. AND PLEASE DON'T STOP YELLING IN MY INBOX EVEN THOUGH IM ON A HIATUS! I'd cry if my inbox never got any new asks while im away 🤡

AND! Putting that depressing thing aside, I have an EXCITING news for all of you!

Im making a new smau series!😳😳😳💓💓💓 To be precise , a hawks smau.

As of rn, I've already written it until the climax, so once i posted it, i should've already finished written it! It may not be much, but just think of it as a 333 followers special! And a small parting gift b4 i go on hiatus. (Yes, im using 333 becoz it's a triple three and it's cooler than 300 😎)(its actually becoz I've missed the 300 milestone and it's awkward to still call it a 300 followers special🤡)

ANYWAYS! I know i still have soul ties to worry, but i can't resist the idea of making a new smau! They're fun to make 🥺🥺🥺

Hope y'all are looking forward to it! I'll make another post to let u know if u want to be on the taglist for this.

[diarrheaworldstarhiphop]

I'm sorry to have come off the way I did. I know sending this doesn't help, but that's alright. It's the last one I'll ever send. Thanks for everything.

jesus christ verax, “…come off the way i did?”

you told me you wrote three chapters of the sci-fi book you have been eagerly working on and i went LITERALLY, SOLELY “that’s amazing! congrats!” and your immediate response was to tell me you wouldn’t show me it (fyi: i wasn’t asking) when it’s published because something something doxxing yourself to me AND THEN go on to verbosely wax poetic over the course of a few paragraphs about me as a perverse, doxxed spectacle entertainment de jour for KF and refer to my fucking parents’ careers in the midst of that (?>??>?THE FUCK??!?!!) and opine on whatever assumed neuroses i have, unprompted, like a complete maladjusted lunatic who doesn’t know how to properly engage with light conversation when it’s presented to you.Thought experiment: You approach your coworker at the winery you stress over and go “hey i did this thing with my darling GF” and they go “cool! sounds lovely!” but then you go on about how you shouldnt go into depth about it because you looked into your coworker’s life, telling him about his family tree you know about and how you don’t want to be similarly rendered an open book for telling him about that thing you did with the darling GF.” The coworker stares back at you with wide eyes like they just crossed paths with a psychopath. That’s how you often come across.

yes i may be a fucking virtual tranny this or that, one you have told that you want to save from that path (via harassment? oh, please), but at least I’m capable of responding to people online without flying into a vaguely threatening assessment of their undisclosed family details among other completely anti-social weird shit only people in the deepest sociopathic tesseract would. At least I converse like a normal, adjusted human being and not like every fucking interaction is some insane game of 4D chess you have to project your life’s stress and anger onto.

I hope you realize that me unblocking you and continuing on and off conversations with you after all that shit was something motivated by curiousity and pity towards you because it felt like you really lacked and needed someone to lean into and find solace in, given the way you had a meltdown over me blocking you in the first place. I actually ENJOY helping and massaging out people’s anxieties and you are no exception to that. Only now do i realize it is self harm to put myself out there for you, only for you to continuously harass me or dehumanize me. Jesus Christ.

Your zoomer christian saviour complex aside, you are antisocial to the core, perhaps sociopathic (as i mentioned) from your unability to separate the computer screen from the conscious beings responding to you on it. You being able to nonchalantly list doxx about me alongside unwarranted, ill informed psychological assessments to an unsettling degree of unprecedented privacy invasion – Least we all forget, that this is in response for telling you it was awesome to hear about your accomplishment – does not mean you know me as a friend, let alone me as a person.

Actually, you telling me you are 22 or whatever was quite illuminating as it explains your immaturity and inability to readily empathize or function as an full adult. Besides all that, the age gulf (not too hard for you to look up, im sure!) should indicate to you why I’m so fucking busy with wild work schedules while you leave literally 50 messages every time you come home to compulsively drink your unpacked, rammed down, issues away, begging for my attention, singing every time you see my activity go from online to away to the degree that you begin to fill my notifications with how you welcome and speak to the “green dot” as a substitute for me while im preoccupied.

I don’t want to be out being made your adoptive e>mother who you can berate and feel rest assured she won’t bite back out of unconditional love or whatever.

“ah, i knew to worry about you posting my doxx” you might be thinking rn. I hope you realize I only return the fucking favour, my guy. You speak to me as this spectacle you can freely taunt over, so here I am making a spectacle of you because you brought it to my inbox, your distress at me blocking you again.

If you are wondering why I resist calling you my friend, it’s because of annoying, disrespectful shit like this, that the level we have talked until tonight is predicated on me rolling my eyes and letting your dumb shit roll off my back. This friendship you have begged me to affirm and reassure to you as existing since you were so fraught over feeling that I was this unreciprocated friend to you… this is the absolute state of it.

However, aS yOuR mOtHeR I suppose i have to hold your hand thru explaining that friendships are built on trust and mutual respect. Guess which side of the mutual is to blame for my reluctance at hand. You actually have to put in effort to earn it, at least to a fraction of the degree you seem to put into discovering parts of my life I haven’t yielded to you like I’m some fucking viral marketing ARG.

You are so fucking exhausting. I truly hope you are not at all who you present yourself on the internet, for your and everyone’s sake. You probably also project your work stress onto everything and everyone else, it feels like. If not already, then once I’m out of your life as your negativity sponge.

Ah, and before I move on to more productive shit: Like you apologize after the fact here, but this is a pattern of yours. Only able to conceptualize you hurt others until after you are smacked upside the head.

Think about that.

[storytaeme]

~ thoughts on the fansites discourse ~

it’s been a while since i’ve done one of my thoughts post and i just saw something that i feel like i want to voice my opinion on. as always, discussion is open through pm if you agree/disagree!

aight hear me out. so fansites have been garnering lots of heat and “tea” as some may say lately for sasaeng/stalker/obsessive behavior. this is for some and not for all, but it’s the main reason why people are pissed at them. 

so thoughts on this and some arguments that have come up:

it’s weird yeah sure that fansites follow these people around and we dont really know much about them but like.......there are so many people online and there are fans who follow them to so many of their concerts and fly out and we dont know anything abt them either so idk why people are bringing this up?

if they want to be private, let them be private??? they dont owe us an explanation or their entire tax history before they can be a fan

they’re not forcing you to give up your personal information so why should we?

if they have money then thats cool??? they can do wtv they want with it yknow. idk how they get money and it’s not really our place to judge their level of wealth 

people are saying we dont really need photos they take anyway since bts feed us so much. so aight you dont have to consume it, you can just ignore them? you dont like it, then just ignore them? nobody is forcing you to look at it. block, mute, yknow. those options exist.

and the whole whitewashing ordeal idk dude yeah a lot of fansites whitewash and it’s Shitty, im not gonna condone that behavior. but the entire argument of lighting during concerts and photography editing also exist and thats what a lot of people dont really understand or try to understand when they dont know anything about photography 

“theyre stalking bts wo their consent omg!!” bighit communicates with the press about this, and from what i’ve heard (unconfirmed atm), they also let fansites know - so i mean,, ??? idk my dudes 

these fansites arent necessarily doing it to give bts more exposure, they are fans if you cant tell and if they want to photograph bts then let them? like why are people pressed? 

think of it this way, if their hobby is photography and they want to put it to good use while also supporting bts who they love, why are people mad about that?

nobody gets made at writers or artists producing og content and making money off it so like??? 

as long as they are respecting bts and their space and privacy according to regulations, who are we to tell them what to do/not do?

if they are real fans then they’ll understand how to respect bts

again, if they’re not telling you how to spend your time, what right do we have to tell them how to spend theirs? 

to emphasize again, i do not condone unacceptable behaviors by fansites still (see section below)

y’all who’re coming at fansites wo fully grasping the situation and conditions are being unfair.

you think that fansites are dangerous cuz theyre stalkers but you can literally say the same about any fan who’s crazy and dangerous AND stalkers. so why are you only coming at fansites when there are still crazies out there coming @ bts outta nowhere wo even bighit’s knowledge? 

commenting on how they spend their money and how they splurge on bts......like dude, it’s not your money, you dont have a say in what they do with what they have

if they use money from selling goods from photographs to gift bts or make donations then let them???? thats the intention from the very beginning?

as long as theyre not lying about where the money is going from selling merchandise, why are we making it a problem? 

THEYRE NOT SUPPOSED TO FOLLOW BTS ON PRIVATE SCHEDULES AND IF THEY ARE THEN THEY ARE WRONG. BUT FANSITES WHO ARE RESPECTFUL AND FOLLOW BIGHIT GUIDELINES DESERVE TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT THE SAME WAY WE SHOULD BE RESPECTING PEOPLE IN THE FANDOM.

idk people who are coming at them without considering them as FANS first and foremost and considering their intentions/situation, as well as other bits of information that we are not privy to, are nasty. 

see previous point for my thoughts on if the fansite is being disrespectful.

kpop fandom culture may be different from western fandom culture idk this i cant really confirm. but when i was following western celebs closely, fansites didnt exist and it was only the creepy press following them around. but it seems like it’s different in korea and the boys recognize them and bighit knows them. 

i do not know this and cannot confirm it so it’s still tbd if there is a fandom culture difference

dont support people you dont want to support/dont agree with. 

literally it’s none of our business what they do in their lives. they dont push me for my private life, i wont push them for theirs. unless they’re being incredibly problematic, then idk why i would be questioning what theyre eating for bfast 

again this defense goes for unproblematic/chill fansites who actually just love bts

fansite behavior i dont condone just to be clear:

stalking and chasing bts/idols down in goddamn public 

going to and taking photographs of events/actions that are outside of press knowledge or bighit did not release

whitewashing obvs

solo stans who shit on the other members holy shit like wyd 

probably missing a whole lot more but these are the only ones i can think of rn

i just do not understand why we would ever push fansites to release private information or how/what they do with their free time aside from bts. this turned out to be really long just because im really tired with the sudden rise in hate towards fansites who actually do love bts and want to support them with projects and are doing it properly. 

arguments are for sure welcome because this is only ideas from my side so im always down to talk about it if i didnt cover anything.

[pirequehideux-a-blog]

General Update

This turned into a huge novel to pretty much say “I’m really stressed and you guys aren’t going to notice much of a change but here’s what’s happening in my life- you might see more OOC on this blog for a while”.

This was originally just going to be an update on this morning’s fiasco ( in which our water heater stopped working like halfway through filling a bath, which I didn’t realise until I was already in the water along with a now wasted bath bomb full of glitter, and at the same time the dogs were apparently knocking glass all over the floor :,) ) and okay- update there, on that I ended up suffering through a freezing shower so as to at least get some of the glitter off ( I did not know!! There was glitter in the middle of it!! It looked safe!!! I’m still sparkly!! I make strippers look dull, and that’s after washing it off!! I’m like a giant walking sequin!!! ) and dressed and took care of the glass but honestly it was sort of the- uh. Breaking point I guess you could say because rn my stress levels are through the roof and my coping is hit or miss, because I am a person who needs order and stability and right now every week the rug is being pulled from under me in a new way.

I’m literally playing a horrible waiting game with college because I cannot pack or do SHIT until I at least have my housing assignment- and then I have 5 days to pack up my life and contact my new roommates to see who’s shelling out for a microwave, and then I have about 12 hours to move in on the 6th day. My family is causing problems, and my mother is suddenly backing out of helping me with things and I’m totally convinced I’m going to be on my own for actually getting to the dorms when the time comes. My boss is somehow expecting me to work my normal shifts even tough I have classes- oh, and I don’t get my class schedule until the day of orientation so I don’t know shit??? About what my year is going to look like?? And supposedly my mom is buying a house by March ( there’s some kind of ultimatum hanging over her head that she won’t tell me about, and if THAT isn’t scary.... ), And a lot of other things are changing that, on their own, wouldn’t be stressful to me at all but on top of all the other changes and stresses are causing me to lose my tiny mind.

And on top of actual stress my general mental health issues have been clawing at my mind and nagging in their nasty little voices, so when I do finally get myself in order enough to do something I end up staring at the screen going why am I doing this again? So. Idk I just- feel like I should explain why I’ve been so flaky lately. 

This isn’t a hiatus notice.

I’m not going anywhere, and my activity isn’t changing- I have. Basically no threads lmao because every time I go to start one those nasty voices I mentioned pipe in. What is changing is that I am going to lay out some projects for myself to hopefully help me feel like I have some control. I’m going to make use of the terabyte storage device I got for Christmas and hyper-organize the files on my computer and USBs. I’m going to clean up my bookmarks, since some pages have piled up. I’m going to go through and just- purge a lot of old art because frankly I want basically everything from before 2015 to die- and not just the art but like. Everything associated with it. Being sentimental about artwork made mostly for friends who turned out to be jackasses isn’t productive- it’s wasting space I don’t have. 

I’m going to make a schedule for myself, which will include a bedtime because I think a good portion of my problem is that I keep staying up until 2-3AM talking to folks who are mostly nocturnal and then waking up at 6-7 with a maximum of 5 hours sleep a night- and also. I’m taking after a friend here and acknowledging that while I may have friends and people to talk to on the internet- right now I’m not talking to them because I’m too stressed. I get online and I dally around and don’t do shit. So this schedule is going to restrict when I’m online outside of work, so that I’m not literally spending all day every day in front of a computer. I’m going to set aside time for reading actual books, going on walks ( even in the cold! I did it when I was younger I’ll do it now! ) , cooking proper meals, cleaning the house ( as I’m the only one between me, my mom, and her roommate/new favourite son that does... ) , and maybe playing videogames because honestly I miss Skyrim and I never uh? Finished Pokemon Moon, oops. I’m also gonna try and set up like... skin care routines because wow I didn’t know goddamn zits could be as painful as they have been the last 3 weeks.

I will probably post more OOC. It’s all tagged, so please blacklist it if it bothers you I just- need to run things my way and jot things down and while I know I’m probably shouting to the void when I post updates it makes me feel like someone is listening, without the anxiety of feeling like a burden and talking to someone directly. 

PLEASE don’t be afraid to IM me or poke me on discord, especially if we are mutuals.

I don’t want to just cut everyone off- that’s counter-productive. I just probably won’t be able to mange IC posting again for a bit. I need to make sure my brain’s organized enough for my own thoughts before pulling my muses into the mix.

[hoebagbasicbitch]

the sweetest omegle convo i’ve ever had

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH HONG KONG AGAINST THE CCP!

You both like the regrettes.

You: hi!

Stranger: hiii

You: skjakjf my search for the regrettes has never turned up anything until now

You: im so excitel lol

Stranger: RIGHT

Stranger: same

Stranger: wait are u from twitter lmao

You: we are a small but proud fanbase

You: no i am not

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: even crazier then

Stranger: so true

You: do u have any other socials

Stranger: I have insta! what's urs

You: phoebelink.art

You: hbu? i'll follow u

Stranger: omg I love ur acc

Stranger: I just followed u <3

You: thanks!

Stranger: :))))

You: don't be alarmed if i start peeping thru ur posts to see what other music u listen to i'm desperae for new artists

Stranger: omg no ur ok!!

Stranger: do u want rec

Stranger: recs

You: love them but u can only listen to the regrettes and swmrs for so long

You: yes pls!

Stranger: do u...like wallows

You: yes

You: they are coming to my state in august for a festival and i'm so excited

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: wait what fest is in august

Stranger: I thought they were all earlier

You: hinterlands

Stranger: where's that

You: it is mostly country music but there's some indie shit

You: it's in iowa so it's all hicks lol but i will suffer to we wallows live

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: why have I not heard about this

Stranger: im so confused rn

You: idk

You: it's a smaller sort of festival and it's like in a cornfield

Stranger: damn

Stranger: im bout to go

You: bet lol

Stranger: im like the biggest wallows stan its so bad

You: ahaha

You: the real question is did it happen before or after 13 reasons whyg?

Stranger: when I stanned?

You: ya

Stranger: they actually didn't even become wallows until right after 13rw

Stranger: but

You: oh whoops

Stranger: it was after, but I've never even seen it

You: got it that's more what i meant lol

Stranger: I started liking them through a mutual friend

You: valid

Stranger: if u have never seen them, they're the best

You: i'm not a stan but i do really like their music

You: i have not seen them live but i'm a huge regrettes stan

Stranger: gotcha

Stranger: as u should be

Stranger: tbh maybe Lydia will go!

You: i fucking hope

Stranger: she goes to a lot of shows w them

Stranger: bro

Stranger: speaking of her

Stranger: at my wallows show last month I like saw her and waved at her n then she came and sat behind me

You: WHAT

Stranger: like literally. right behind me

Stranger: and I was too scared to say anything

Stranger: :)

Stranger: every time she would laugh she'd like laugh in my ear

Stranger: cutest laugh ever bro

Stranger: her and

Stranger: whoops

You: i saw her live in cleaveland this summer and if corona doesn't cancel it i intend to see them when they tour with the struts

Stranger: wait

Stranger: when is that happening

You: this summer

You: their site has all the dates

Stranger: wtf

Stranger: I didn't know they had us dates

You: they updated it i think cause coachella is getting moved im pretty sure

You: they're just opening but i am for sure buying pit tickets and i will ahve to learn to love the struts haha

Stranger: oh shit

Stranger: wait

Stranger: theres only like 3 dates

You: if they cancelled i will be very sad

Stranger: :( which one are u supposed to go to

Stranger: thats how I feel about my wallows shows, I think they're gonna be postponed/cancelled

You: the one on may 31

You: for me it is still on the site

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: that might be ok

Stranger: I think wallows cancelled their show for may 31

Stranger: they took itoff their website but haven't said anything

You: hmmm

You: we must hope for the best i guess

You: a mosh pit does seem like a prime place to catch corona tho lmao

Stranger: tbh I don't care

Stranger: which is probably bad

Stranger: but lile

You: it would be worth it

Stranger: idk my only happiness comes from touring so

You: yeah i have plenty of bands who i love but they kind of stay in place they don't really tour

Stranger: damn really

You: and unfortunataly i don't live in cali so i can't ever see them live

Stranger: felt

Stranger: I wish I lived in cali so bad

You: and that's on only liking grunge surf punk bads

Stranger: were u like a stan when they did the Fonda show afterparty homecoming thing

Stranger: I've never had such bad fomo in my life

You: i don't think so

Stranger: oh my god

Stranger: it was crazy

You: usually i don't like concerts cause they make me disociate lol but i just let it happen for lydia night

Stranger: oh shit really

Stranger: I love shows

You: no like they are very fun

You: it just is like an out of body experience haha

Stranger: damn

Stranger: idk I never have that

You: it's like an anxiety thing i think

You: it just happens it's kinda odd

Stranger: it's weird I have like bad anxiety about most things but somehow I have like none at concerts

Stranger: like im just the best possible version of myself idk

You: i feel that

You: like in certain situtions i definitely just don't feel it at all

Stranger: right

You: there are so many bands i would give a limb to see live thouhg

You: like one of my all-time favs is SWMRS ugh love them

Stranger: yupppppp I love

You: and hot flash heat wave opened for the regrettes when i saw them live

You: so good

Stranger: omg stop

Stranger: im jealous

You: but i have a whole list of bands to see live on my bucket list

Stranger: I feel like I've lucked out and I've seen almost all of the people I want to see

Stranger: well like all of my favorites

You: that's nice

Stranger: that being said im crazy so I like to see people 5+ times but

You: my main thing is i'm kind of new to the genre like only been super into it for two years but

You: that is still fun tho

Stranger: oh gotcha

Stranger: wait how old are u

You: 16

Stranger: oh and u said u live in Iowa right so I feel like maybe not a lot of people go there

Stranger: aw ur baby

You: ahaha

You: the alt scene is very dead here

Stranger: true

Stranger: tbh no one comes to my state either

Stranger: bc its so far out of the way

You: what kind of area are u in

Stranger: florida

You: ah

You: so the opposite of cali lmao

Stranger: yup

Stranger: yet im prob gonna go to cali when wallows have a show there

Stranger: lmao

You: wirth it

Stranger: yes

Stranger: I also might go for harry styles but idk yet

You: he's coming to iowa i think but i might b wrong

Stranger: omg really

Stranger: u should go

You: yeah we have a fat arena but i don't think i can afford tickets

Stranger: :(

You: i don't have a job RIP and i;m not getting one anytime soon cause all the businesses are closed

Stranger: damn yea I felt that

Stranger: I do have a job but im not going rn

Stranger: like im making them leave me off the schedule

You: probably smart

Stranger: bc im so scared of getting my mom sick

You: yeah that would be shitty

Stranger: yup

You: my mom works for the school district that i go to and my dad works from home so we are all chillin but that prolly sucks

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: yeah thats good

Stranger: my whole family is staying home

You: we don't have a stay in place order yet but we haven't left the house in weeks basically either

You: my school is about to get cancelled too

You: it's just not good for anyone

Stranger: about to??

Stranger: is it not cancelled yet

You: well spring break got extended to april 13 but the superintendent is making an announcement on friday apparently

Stranger: oh damn

Stranger: yea here it's closed until the end of the year

You: its tough for us cause we are supposed to go online but our district can't afford it

You: like we need to close but only 40% of kids have internet acess

You: so they can't

Stranger: oh fuck

Stranger: idk :/

You: i'm lucky to have it tho

You: me wasting my precious internet acess on talking to adults on omegle lmao

Stranger: LMAO

Stranger: treu

Stranger: true

Stranger: oh well

You: i just want to relive middle school while i'm quarantined ya know

You: i was not monitored as a child bahabha

Stranger: omg

Stranger: same

Stranger: lmao

Stranger: I used to be on here all the time

You: like how am i not dead

You: genuinely thinking about all the shit i did in like 2012,,, what??

You: who let me near the family computer and then just didn't look over my shoulder

You: anyway i should probs go to sleep

You: it was nice talking to you tho!

Stranger: omg u too!!!!

Stranger: sorry it took me forever to respond

Stranger has disconnected.